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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years

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TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part One (Harry Styles)

a/n: oh my god i am sooo thankful for the love the masterlist got with just so little info about the story! it means so much to me and i really hope i won’t disappoint you with this story! i was planning to post the first part on tuesday but i got excited bc of all the feedback and reactions and decided to start earlier, so here it is, part one of TLABL, a story im kind of proud of and very happy to share! please drop by my ask box or leave your thoughts on the story, i would love to hear everything from you guys!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11.2k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

“I hope you realize this holds nothing against you, we all love and appreciate you and your work, but we had to face some unexpected problems this past year.”

You sit in front of Claire, your boss completely dumbfounded, not even comprehending what she is saying completely. You came to work this morning absolutely oblivious that today is going to be your last day of work at the daycare you’ve been working at for over two years now.

“I’m sorry, but last time you let us in on the budget you didn’t bring up any complication that might have indicated someone could lose their job, so what possible problem could have come up so abruptly?” you ask with a shocked and nervous chuckle. Part of you kind of hopes this is just some stupid joke she is playing on you, but Claire is not one to make games out of such serious things. Letting out a tired sigh she pushes her reading glasses up to the top of her head into her carefully curled hair.

“Look, I’m really trying not to make a big deal out of it, but we had to make some cuts on the budget. The kitchen and gymnasium renovation was completely unplanned and it kicked us in the butt. We are making some changes about the groups this year and it was made that it can be solved with one less person on the team. I’m sorry it had to be you, but the decision had to be made.”

“But why me?” you press. “There are two people who have been working for a shorter period of time here, didn’t I earn your trust during my time here?”

“It’s not about that, Y/N,” Claire shakes her head.

“Then what is this about?”

“If you are so keen on knowing, we’ve… received a few… complaints.” Your eyebrows shoot up to your hairline, this is the first time you’re hearing about it.

“Complaints?”

“Yes. Some parents are not quite the fan of the kind of mentality you are using while teaching the kids.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask, feeling all the blood rushing out of your face. This is starting to get way too nasty. Claire pinches the bridge of her nose before leaning onto her desk, clasping her hands together.

“I know that you are quite the free spirit and want to teach the kids about openness and acceptance, but not everyone is as rainbow as you are. Some kids brought the word home about what kind of books you’ve been reading and we’ve gotten a few concerns about you basically promoting the LGBTQ community for the kids.”

“I’m not promoting, I’m trying to teach them to accept everyone just the way they are, how can that upset anyone?!”

“Well, it does. The committee had to make a decision on who we should let go and many agreed that it might be the safest decision to make it be… you.”

You’re about to faint. You are sure you are about to fall off this chair and just black out. How can someone get mad about you reading stories about acceptance and treating everyone equally? What kind of monster can see it as a bad thing? And now you are losing your job over such a stupid thing that you don’t even feel responsible for.

Though you’d love to stay and try to convince Claire to not let you go, you know the decision has been made and if you’re being honest, you don’t feel comfortable anymore working at a place where parents tell you off for teaching important values for their kids. Sadly, but you sign all paperwork about your immediate parting and you leave Claire’s office to pack your stuff.

“Miss Y/N! Miss Y/N!” Izzy, one of the sweetest girls in your group basically launches herself at you, smashing against your legs as she hugs you happily. “Do you want to see what I just painted?” She blinks up at you with her gorgeous green eyes and your heart breaks that you won’t get to see her again.

“Oh, Sweetie. I have to—you know what? Sure. Show me your painting,” you smile at her warmly. You can’t say no to her, not when this is the last time you get to see her.

As you’re cleaning out your locker in the break room, Heather walks in and stops in her tracks, seeing you with your gloomy face as you pack everything into a cardboard box.

“What the hell are you doing?” she questions right away. The two of you have known each other for years now, you did the same master’s programme and somehow ended up working here together, carrying on the friendship you’ve formed through your school years.

“I was… fired,” you sigh, wincing at the words.

“What?! Why?”

“Apparently, we are having some budget problems with all the renovations that was made recently and unbeknownst to me, some parents have been complaining about my openness with kids so I was the lucky one to part ways with.”

“That’s fucking bullshit! The kids adore you, how can someone complain about something like that?”

“Don’t know, ask them if you ever find out who they are,” you mumble under your breath as you shut the now empty locker closed. “I’m sorry we can’t carpool anymore,” you pout at her.

“No fucks given about that, what are you gonna do now?” she asks, seemingly very bummed at the news that you won’t be working at the same place now.

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I guess I’ll have to find something new if I don’t want to end up on the streets,” you mumble.

“Oh girl, I’m so sorry,” Heather sighs pulling you into a hug. “Why don’t we go out for drinks on Friday? Everything is on me!”

“Don’t act like I’m already broke, makes me feel like a loser.”

“Sorry,” she scowls. “Just want to brighten you up a little. Meet me at seven at that Mexican place, how does that sound?”

“Stuffing my face with nachos and tequila? Sounds like the best plan I could wish for.”

You waste no time arriving home after your worst day at work. You jump right into the job ads, looking for basically anything that might help you out of this impossible situation. Sending your resume to as many places as possible, you get a few callbacks the next few days, but you only make it to one interview on Friday and that doesn’t go well either. The man who calls in for an open position at a private kindergarten turns out to be a total snob and he doesn’t find your free spirit too fitting with the profile of his institution so you get rejected at the end of the interview.

You head out to meet Heather feeling like shit. You’ve been unemployed for four days, but it’s already breaking your spirits.

“You know what? Clair is a bitch for giving in to the complaints,” Heather slams her fourth shot glass on the table with a grimace. “She should have defended you!”

“I’m sure she just didn’t want to get into any disagreement. Some of the parents donate great amounts to the school and Claire would never risk losing that money,” you sigh rolling your eyes.

“Okay, but she is being very… not inclusive,” she narrows her eyes. “Firing someone for teaching the kids openness? Bullshit.”

“I’m just sad I don’t get to see the kids anymore. They really grew close to my heart.”

“The little fuckers can be so damn cute, almost make me want to have one.” Heather sighs, downing another shot before pulling the nachos closer to her. You laugh at her vulgar reaction, she has always had quite a dirty mouth but somehow she controls herself well around the kids. “How has the job hunting been?”

“Horrible,” you growl in frustration. There are not many that offer a good paycheck and the few that does are these posh places that expect you to treat the kids like they are made out of gold which is ridiculous. That’s not how you raise a kid!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sure something will come up soon. Why don’t you look into nanny jobs, have you thought about that?”

“What do you mean?” you furrow your eyebrows, popping some chips into your mouth.

“A lot of people prefer having nannies for their little children, some even want them to move in. My brother’s ex-girlfriend was a live-in nanny for about two years and she earned a shit ton of money, because she didn’t have to pay rent and a good chunk of the food, because the parents just treated her like part of the family and bought groceries for five people instead of four.”

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for that kind of stuff.”

“What, earning money?” Heather scoffs.

“No, living with a stranger.”

“Most of the time the nanny gets like a separated place so it wouldn’t be that bad, but you know what’s good for you. It was just an idea,” she shrugs.

Soon enough you drop any work talk not wanting to ruin the mood. You enjoy some time away from the stress of job hunting and you’re just trying to have fun with your best friend. You start talking about nostalgic memories from college and end up looking up people you graduated with on social media, checking out what they’ve been up to in the past years.

“Alright, I’m gonna go to the restroom quickly, watch out for my drink,” you announce pushing your drink closer to Heather as you head towards the restrooms.

There’s a bit of a line so you stand behind two girls chatting about some cute guy they just met and leaning against the wall you close your eyes for a moment, feeling the drinks hitting you in the head. You’re not used to drinking, haven’t really had the time to get drunk too much lately and it’s saddening to think that now that you’re unemployed, you could black out every day, you wouldn’t have anywhere to show up in the morning.

Getting deep in your thoughts you almost don’t even notice that your phone is buzzing in your pocket. When you finally realize you pull it out of your back pocket and look down at the unknown number with a scowl. You quickly leave your spot in the line and rush out to hear something as you answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I hope I’m not calling at an inconvenient time, I’m Harry Styles and I’m looking to talk to Y/N Y/L/N?” you hear a thick British accent on the other end of the line.

“This is her.”

“Great. Sorry for the late call, I’m Isabelle’s father.”

“Isabelle?” you ask in confusion, the names not really clicking in your head thanks to the shots you’ve been taking.

“Isabelle Styles? Izzy?”

“Oh! Yes! Sorry, yeah. Mr. Styles, what can I help you with?” you ask, not sure why Izzy’s dad would be calling you.

“Well I just recently learned from my daughter that you’re not working at the daycare any longer?” “Uh, yeah. Unfortunately I was fired this Monday…” you awkwardly answer.

“I’m sorry about that. Izzy has been really sad about it, I wanted to ask if you’ve found a new job already?”

“Not yet, I’ve been looking but I haven’t had much luck yet,” you confess.

“In that case I have an offer to make,” he firmly continues and you perk up at his words. “I’ve been thinking about pulling Izzy out of daycare, but I didn’t want to do it until I found someone to take good care of her. You’ve been her absolute favorite and she’s been devastated since you’ve been gone. If you’re up for a job of this kind, I would like to offer you a spot as Izzy’s nanny.”

“Oh!” is all you react, completely not expecting this call.

“I know there are a lot to discuss, but if you’re interested, I would be more than happy to have a chat with you sometime this weekend? To go over the details and see if we can make it work.”

“I, uh… Um, yeah. We can meet, that sounds good. When would it be good for you?”

“How about tomorrow afternoon?”

“That can work.”

“Amazing!” he beams. “I’ll send you the address through text if that’s alright for you.”

“Yeah, of course. When should I be there?”

“Would three o’clock suit you?”

“Absolutely,” you nod, stunned at the turn of events.

“Great, thank you so much, and once again, sorry to bother you on your Friday evening. Looking forward to see you tomorrow!”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles, see you soon!”

You get back in line at the bathroom and then make your way back to the table where Heather gives you a puzzled look.

“Did you take a massive shit or something?” she jokes as you take your seat and stare back at her, still in shock.

“No, I had a very interesting call, actually.”

“With who?”

“Um, Izzy Styles’ dad just called and offered me a job as her nanny.”

Heather almost chokes on her drink, coughing at the news. You hand her a napkin as she dries her chin off from her cocktail.

“Harry Styles wants you to be the nanny of his daughter?” she gasps.

“You know Izzy’s dad?”

“Y/N, everyone knows him! He is the sexiest man to walk this planet and not to mention that he is like stupidly rich! Have you not seen him yet?”

“Not really,” you shrug. “Izzy was picked up by an old woman most of the times, I guess I never worked when her dad came for her.”

“That explains why you’re not squirming already,” she scoffs. “That man is like… crazy hot, I’m telling you. I bumped into him one morning when I guess he was dropping Izzy off, the way he said ‘Pardon me, Darling’ made my knees shake,” she tells you, faking an accent that’s nowhere near what Mr. Styles sounded like on the phone.

“Well, I guess I’ll see him for myself. I’m meeting him tomorrow to discuss details,” you shrug and Heather slams her hand on the table.

“Oh my God! You’re gonna work for Harry Fucking Styles! Get ready because your panties will be soaking wet all the time,” she laughs like a hyena.

“Heather, stop!” you shake your head laughing too.

Following Mr. Styles’ call you decide to cut the night shorter than you intended, not wanting to look absolutely wasted when you meet him. Arriving home to your small, one bedroom apartment you take a quick shower before climbing to bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to collect your thoughts. You told Heather you’re not willing to do the whole live-in nanny thing and Mr. Styles might not even want you to live with them, but now that the option is there, you realize it might not be the worst case scenario. Especially since you’re not really swimming in other job offers and you are in desperate need of anything at this point.

Despite having consumed quite some alcohol the previous night, you wake up at a reasonable hour in the morning, finding a text from Mr. Styles about the address you’d have to be going in the afternoon. You make a quick trip to the grocery store and do some chores before you start getting ready for the meeting. You opt for a simple black dress that reaches your knees and pair it with a little funkier, flower printed blazer to bring some color into the outfit.

Punching the address into the GPS you see that it’s taking you to the outer skirt of the city to the neighborhood that’s known to have some quite luxurious estates and you immediately think back to what Heather said about him being ridiculously rich. Driving down the streets in your old Volkswagen you couldn’t stand out more at a place where at least three cars park on the driveways and one of them is a Ferrari or a Porsche.

There’s a massive security gate under the address that’s your destination and it’s left open so you can pull up to the driveway easily. You park next to a fucking Tesla, finding it extremely funny to see your car next to it, but it is what it is. Walking up to the front door you ring the bell as you take a look at the house that can easily considered to be a mansion. Guessing from the outside there are at least about five bedrooms in it and you can only imagine what other luxurious units are squeezed into it.

Soon enough the front door opens and you find yourself staring back at a breathtakingly gorgeous man, wearing a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black suit pants, his chocolate curls falling to his forehead as his emerald eyes fall on you, a warm smile tugging on his lips.

Shit. Heather was fucking right, you think to yourself swallowing hard.

“Miss Y/L/N, it’s so nice to see you. I’m Harry, Izzy’s dad, come on in!” he invites you inside before a short handshake.

“Nice to meet you too, Mr. Styles.”

“Please, just call me Harry. I don’t like formalities at home,” he asks you as the two of you walk further inside until you arrive to what looks like a living room, but it’s actually the size of your apartment.

“Only if you call me Y/N,” you smile at him and he nods right away.

“Miss Y/N!” you hear a small voice call out and turning around you see Izzy running down the hallway until she throws herself against your legs.

“Oh, hello Sunshine!” you hum, squatting down so you can hug her.

“I missed you!” she pouts, rubbing her eyes.

“I missed you too,” you smile at her, caressing her soft cheeks before standing up. An older lady walks in, the one you’ve seen picking up Izzy. She approaches you with a friendly smile as she extends a hand towards you.

“Hi, I’m Ruth, it’s nice to meet you.” “Y/N, nice to meet you too.”

“Ruth, would you take Izzy outside while I talk to Miss—erm, Y/N here?” Harry requests. Ruth nods and taking Izzy’s hand she lures her outside to look for ladybugs in the backyard and that immediately catches her attention. The two of them leave through the sliding door, giving you and Harry privacy.

“Please, have a seat,” he gestures towards the sectional couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“I’m good, thank you,” you smile at him as he sits in an armchair across you.

The interior of the house is quite cozy, kind of modern with a hint of vintage touches that make it less rigid, a pop of color showing at most corners so it’s not too monochrome. You quite like it.

“Y/N, I once again apologize for calling you at such an inappropriate hour, but I often work late and I wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible upon hearing the news.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand.”

“Isabelle mentioned it to me on Thursday that the other workers told her you no longer work at the daycare so I asked around a little yesterday and was informed that they let you go earlier in the week.”

“It was quite sudden for me as well,” you chuckle lightly, feeling a little anxious to talk about it.

“I know it’s not too appropriate, but I asked why they chose you to part ways with and I have to say it’s outraging that some parents are so ignorant and wayward. I’m really sorry this had to be the reason out of everything.”

“Thank you.” It actually feels nice that he thinks the same, this whole firing was ridiculous and you were losing hope in humanity, but Harry is now very much restoring it.

“Let me walk you through what the situation is here and what I was thinking about.” You nod and listen carefully. “I’m president of a record label and it consumes most of my time, I sometimes work sixty hours a week which I know is not ideal and healthy and I’m trying to change it, but it’s not an easy situation. I thought that putting Izzy into daycare was a good idea, but it’s been getting harder to work around her schedule as a single parent with so much work on my hands. Ruth is a family friend who has been helping tremendously with Izzy, but she is not getting any younger and she would like to retire fully and spend more time with her own grandkids. So I’ve been thinking about hiring a nanny for Izzy and try to make her days work around mine while I’m able to do that. She is going to start preschool in little over a year and I want to spend as much time with her as possible, but it’s not easy when the schedule depends on an institution. When she told me about your firing I had the thought that you might be interested in taking the spot as her nanny. She is obsessed with you, wouldn’t stop talking about what you do every day, and I might have also looked into your professional background. I like what I’ve seen and I’m very much into the way you’ve been dealing with the kids at the daycare. Openness is really important and I want Izzy to grow up in an environment that teaches her about being equal and supportive towards each other. I would be more than happy if you’d be the one taking care of Izzy while I’m not available.”

To say the east you’re stunned at how forward and open he was about the offer and his compliment about your professional background is quite flattering. You can tell he is doing an amazing job at raising Izzy as an open and accepting human, she was always one of the nicest and sweetest kids who always made sure to include all her peers in the games you played. And it’s obvious Harry is not just being a hypocrite, his tattooed arm, painted nails and ring clad fingers are not quite what you’d traditionally imagine a man like him wear, but he does it well and clearly doesn’t give a fuck what others might think about it.

Harry continues with how much he thought you’d be earning for the job and you almost choke on your own saliva. It’s almost three times as much as you’ve been earning at the daycare and you’d be able to save a good chunk every month which is quite amazing.

“I have to ask, were you thinking about a situation where I live with you or I’d have to be coming here every day?”

“Well, essentially it would be the easiest for everyone if you moved in. I have plenty of rooms you could choose from and you’d have access to everything else as well, of course, including the home gym, the pool, the sauna and the entertainment room. But I understand if you are not willing to make that commitment. If you choose to live here you wouldn’t be charged anything, naturally.”

This actually sounds like a dream, moving into this luxury mansion from your cramped little apartment and being able to save the money you’ve been paying on rent.

“And what would be the time management? If I moved in it would easily make me fall into a habit of always working, which is not quite ideal,” you point it out.

“Of course,” he nods. “I like to take care of her morning routine so you’d have to start around nine when I leave to the office. If we can make this deal working I’d like her to start taking some extra classes during the day, moving her activities earlier in the day so her afternoons would be free. She takes piano lessons on Mondays and Wednesdays, a swimming instructor comes here on Thursdays and she is taking French lessons every Tuesday and Friday. Everything takes place here, I would reschedule her activities to take place between nine and twelve. You wouldn’t have to worry about her during those times. You’d cover lunch time and then the afternoons. I try to get home between four and six and just work from home if it’s possible so I can be around her. You’d have to only help out whenever I can’t make it home in time I have urgent works that have to be done from home. We could have dinner time together and then her night time routine is my duty again. Ruth is willing to help me out on Saturdays and I spend Sundays with her strictly without any work distraction so you’d have the weekends off unless something comes up. In those cases I would check in with you beforehand and arrange it however it works best for you.”

You’re speechless for a moment. What he just shared doesn’t seem too bad, you might have to work a lot more, but being one on one with just one kid is much easier than dealing with fifteen of them at once. Not to mention that the money is still amazing compared to what you’d have to be doing.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s an amazing offer. Izzy is such a sweet girl, I would be more than happy to take care of her.”

Harry smiles at you warmly, clearly proud of his daughter, as he should be.

“Can I ask for some time to think about it? It would be a huge commitment.” “Of course. Take your time and let me know whatever your decision is.”

“Thank you.”

Harry offers a quick tour in the house regardless, the kitchen is massive, they have a nice dining area with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out to the green slopes of the backyard that seems to be Izzy’s kingdom. She has a playhouse that could almost function as a real one, the pool is filled with floaties for her and she has her own playground further in the back with slides, monkey bars and a swing set. Your assumptions were almost right about the number of bedrooms. Beside Harry’s master and Izzy’s own room there’s one that’s been used by Ruth, one that’s for Harry’s mother and sister for whenever they are staying over and there are three additional rooms now serving as guest bedrooms, one of those would be turned into your room if you chose to move in. The gym seems better than the one you’ve been going whenever you felt like being a little active, the entertainment room has everything you could ever think about for a room this sort of and the sauna is already calling your name. Living and working here might actually feel like a vacation.

“Miss Y/N! Look what I found!” Izzy runs up to you when you and Harry step out to the backyard, holding her pointing finger up. A ladybug is wandering around her tiny finger, not even bothering with the amazed girl that’s inspecting it.

“Wow! How many dots do you see on it?” you ask and she knits her eyebrows together, counting the black dots.

“Five!”

“Yes, good job!” you ruffle her curls as she smiles up at you proudly. She really is an angel, you’ve grown to like her a lot and you would be lying if you said you didn’t get emotional over thinking about never seeing her again. Being able to take care of her and give her the best possible childhood would be such a dream and the chance to do that is right in front of you.

“I’ll be waiting for your call, Y/N,” Harry smiles at you walking you towards the front door.

“Harry, I don’t think you need to do that,” you speak up and see his face fall, he obviously took it the wrong way, thinking that you want to say no to his offer.

“Oh…”

“It’s not that,” you chuckle softly. “I would love to take the job. And if you’re still okay with that, I’d like to move in, it would make everything just so much easier.”

You watch as his expression changes from disappointed to hopeful as he cracks a smile nodding.

“Yeah, the offer is still there. When do you think you can start?”

“How soon do you want to pull Izzy out of daycare?”

“As soon as possible. If I have to I can go in on Monday and do all the paperwork. You could move in sometime during the week maybe?”

“I have to talk to my landlord about my lease, but I’m fine with moving in during the week,” you nod smiling and you can’t help but feel excited.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you so much. I’m looking forward to working with you.”

You discuss a few more details and then you head out, thinking about how the next time you’ll be coming here, you’ll be moving in.

“If this one doesn’t go to the donate box, I’m leaving right now.”

Heather holds up a pair of denim shorts, painted in the colors of the flag of the States. She holds it pinched between her index finger and thumb as if it was something nasty and disgusting

“You know I only bought that for that stupid frat party. I never wore that anywhere else, so you can put it into the donate box.”

“Thank God!” she groans and throws the shorts into said box.

It’s Sunday evening and your place looks like a warzone, boxes taking up the place everywhere as you’re packing your life up to officially move into the Styles mansion. You agreed with Harry to bring over a good chunk of your stuff on Monday and then settle in for real on Tuesday. He is pulling Izzy out of daycare first thing on Monday and you’d stay at home with her for the first time on Wednesday. It’s been a fast paced change, but you couldn’t care less. With the amount Harry is gonna pay you, you’ll be able to save up a good chunk every month, like you always wanted to.

As you finish putting your books away you reach the shelves that contain all your photo albums. Photography has been your passion for a long time. It started as a simple hobby sometime through your freshman year in high school, but in senior year, your photos filled the yearbook and you even did the design of it too. You’ve had a few gigs since then, some weddings and pregnancy shoots and you like to sell your photos individually as well. You wouldn’t have imagined how much a simple nature photo costs.

Flipping through the one on the top, you can’t help the bitter smile on your face as you see the photos from your brother’s 14th birthday three years ago. There are tons of family pictures with you, your brother Trevor and your parents, seemingly being all happy and joyful. Things were different back then and you didn’t see anything coming.

It’s past midnight by the time you more or less finish packing, you’ve filled three big boxes with things to donate so you have significantly less stuff to move to the Styles mansion in the morning. Heather spends the night, but leaves early in the morning since she needs to go to work. The moving van you rented out arrives a little after eleven and the two guys from the moving company helps you load it with about two thirds of your stuff. Harry is at work when you arrive and Izzy is still at the daycare, Ruth is the only one at home, she helps you out even though you tell her not to break a sweat over it.

“Let me help, makes me feel needed,” she chuckles sweetly when you try to get her to stop, but she insists on bringing in some smaller bags and boxes.

You’re still unpacking when Ruth arrives back with Izzy a little after four. You hear her little feet tapping against the floor as she runs down the hallway, bursting into your future room.

“Miss Y/N! You’re here!” she cheers, throwing herself into your arms as you sit on the floor, being the perfect level for the little girl.

“I am! How was your day, little Sunshine?”

“We finger painted and I made a painting for daddy, do you want to see it?”

“Of course!”

Izzy disappears to get her backpack from Ruth who is making her some snacks in the kitchen. She soon returns with her painting, presenting it to you proudly.

“Look! This is me and this is daddy!” she points at the two human-like figures, the only thing giving away who is who is that one of them is bigger than the other one. “And then this is mommy!” she then adds, pointing at a star in the upper corner of the painting and you freeze.

In the midst of everything, you didn’t even have the time to question why Harry is a single parent. To be honest your first guess would have been divorce, but Izzy’s painting is telling you something a lot more tragic.

“It’s beautiful,” you smile at her, trying to hide your surprise at the new information. “I’m sure he’ll love it.”

Ruth makes sure Izzy is busy while you finish up unpacking and when you’re about to be done, Harry arrives home. Approaching your room even though the door is open he knocks on the doorframe, catching your attention.

“Hello, just wanted to see how things are going. Do you need help with anything? I’m sorry I couldn’t be here to help with the boxes and all…”

“Hi! Oh don’t worry about that, I had plenty of help,” you shrug smiling. “Everything is going fine, thank you.”

“Great. I did all the paperwork today, tomorrow is going to be Izzy’s last day at daycare. You’re still up to start on Wednesday, right?”

“Yeah, of course. I only have a few things left at home so I’ll be all set by tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much,” he smiles warmly. “And thank you for being so quick about everything. It means a lot to me that I can spend more time with Izzy thanks to you. I really appreciate it.”

“I should be thanking you the opportunity. I wasn’t really drowning in the job offers,” you chuckle making him smile as well. “Please let me know if you want me to change anything, I have a plan I would like to go around with Izzy’s days, but of course, your word is the most important.”

“I trust you to take good care of her during the day. The only thing I want is to have her home when I get home. Ruth couldn’t always pick her up before and I really hated to do the extra trip and pick her up from daycare instead of coming straight home to be with her.”

“Understandable. I’ll make sure to plan accordingly,” you nod smiling.

“Y/N, I want you to feel home as much as possible. This is your place just as much as it is ours now. Izzy and I go grocery shopping every Sunday, it’s kind of a father-daughter thing we do every week. We keep a list on the fridge, feel free to add whatever you need and we’ll get it.”

You can’t help the smile that stretches across your lips, because this is such a sweet thing to do, when Harry could easily afford someone to do the work for him. Yet he still uses this time to be with his daughter.

“Yeah, sure, thank you!”

“I’ll get out of your hair now. Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“Oh, no, but thank you. I still have some things to take care of before tomorrow.”

“Alright,” he nods before walking out. He leaves you thinking hard about him. You wonder what really happened to Izzy’s mom and if he is dating someone right now. A man like him is basically a dream to any woman, you doubt he is having a hard time finding a partner, but you haven’t seen any sign of another woman around the house. Guess you’ll have to wait and figure it out yourself.

The apartment is awfully empty on your last night here. When you moved in about a year ago you didn’t think you’d be moving into a mansion from here. You spend the evening cleaning out a bit so you leave the place in good condition. Your landlord was terribly nice about your early leave, you could easily agree that you’d pay for the two more weeks that’s left from the month and that would be all, no extra costs for moving out before your lease was up.

You’re cleaning off the kitchen counter when your phone starts ringing, it’s a video call from your brother.

“Hey there! What’s up?” you ask, propping up the phone on top of the microwave while you move around, doing your thing. Trevor seems to be lying in bed, a black hoodie covering his upper body.

“Hello, just wanted to see how the moving has gone today.”

Despite the ten year age gap between you and Trevor, your relationship couldn’t be better. Probably because you were old enough to see what a blessing a sibling really is when he was born.

“Everything went smoothly. I only have a few stuff to bring over, that can fit into my car tomorrow, so it’s fine.”

“Cool. How is the dude? What was his name again?”

“Harry. Harry Styles.” You see him pull his laptop to his lap and probably searches up Harry’s name before his eyes widen at the screen.

“This dude is big! He is the president of HES Records, they run some of the most popular singers these days.”

“Yeah? I was sure he is a big name judging from his mansion,” you chuckle.

“Have you looked him up yet?”

“Not really.” “Want me to read what’s here about him?”

“Sure,” you hum, continuing to clean while you listen to Trevor.

“Alright. Apparently he is thirty-one, took over the record company when he was just twenty-five because his father wanted to retire early. The number of talents working under the label has doubled since he has taken over and many of his clients have won Grammy Awards. Impressive,” he hums, scrolling down on whatever site he has just found. “He is known to be a private person, the last time he made an appearance… Oh shit…” Trevor breathes out and you turn to your phone with furrowed eyebrows.

“What?”

“Wow, this shit is heavy. It says the last time he made a public appearance was in 2017, not long before his wife was killed in a car accident.”

You freeze, feeling your stomach drop to the floor, immediately thinking back at Izzy’s painting of her family. It very much makes sense why she said the star was her mother, it must be the way Harry explained to her what happened to her mother.

“It happened in 2018, she wasn’t in the fault, a drunk driver ignored the red light and ran into her car at a crossroad. This is terrible, oh God.”

“Poor Izzy, she probably doesn’t even know what really happened.”

“Must have been hard on him, there’s not much about him since then.”

“Can’t blame him for not wanting to be in the spotlight after losing his wife.”

“Yeah.”

Trevor shows you a few pictures of him from years ago, he has always been handsome, but your favorites are the few from the times when he had long hair. He looked so different, like a whole other person, but still, he rocked it perfectly.

Then you show Trevor around in the empty apartment before loving to the couch, turning all your attention to him.

“How have things been?” you ask with a sigh. Trevor purses his lips and shrugs.

“Other than the constant screaming matches on the phone and endless fights every time dad comes over for more of his stuff? Everything is rainbows and butterflies.”

“Is it really that bad?” you scowl.

“It’s like they never run out of stuff to throw at each other, but I feel like this much couldn’t happen even in their twenty-eight years together,” he scoffs making you chuckle.

“I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of all that.”

“It’s like payback,” he hums and you give him a puzzled look. “You had it bad growing up for being the surprise baby, making them teen parents. Then I came at a reasonable time, they already knew the drill, but now that you’re out of the house I’m getting all the shit, having to deal with their divorce.”

“I’m really sorry, Trev,” you sigh, feeling guilty that he is all alone at home.

“It’s fine, I don’t blame you,” he shrugs. “But you could make it better if you asked your millionaire boss if I could hang out at his house sometimes.” He grins at you slyly and you roll your eyes. Of course he is already thinking about using you for his own good!

“I don’t want to push the boundaries just yet, but I’ll see what I can do.”

You talk a little more about school and what he’s been up to with his friends before ending the call. You take a shower and go to bed right away, feeling extremely worn out from all the packing you’ve done through the day.

The next day you pack the remainder of your stuff into your car and then your landlord comes over to do a checkup, though he fully trusts you took good care of the place.

“Again, thank you for your understanding, I didn’t plan to leave so early, but it just kinda came up,” you tell him, handing him over your keys.

“Don’t worry about it. I hope your new place will treat you right,” he smiles kindly at you.

You chat a little longer before you leave and head over to your new home. Once again, Ruth is the only one home and being the angel that she is, she helps you to carry your stuff up from the car before leaving to get Izzy from daycare. Since there’s not much left to unpack you finish quite fast, leaving you some extra time alone in the house. Walking around you try to learn your way around, still finding it a bit of a maze. You find Harry’s home office’s door open and after a bit of hesitation you step inside, just taking a look around. Yeah, it’s kind of a nosy thing to do, but you couldn’t help yourself.

His space is quite clear, he keeps his stuff neatly organized. Certificates and plaques are hung up on the wall, showing off his many successes in the business. There’s a huge bookcase near his desk and there you see some family photos… ones that include his late wife as well.

She was beautiful. There’s a picture of the three of them in the hospital from the day Izzy was born, Harry has an arm around his wife’s shoulders who is holding baby Izzy, both of them radiating happiness as they just become parents. Your heart breaks when you see the photo next to it, it’s just Harry and her in Paris, the Eiffel tower standing tall behind them as they are grinning widely at each other, foreheads touching. Harry has his arms wrapped around her slim figure while she is hugging his neck. They look so happy and in love, like they were always meant to be with each other. Knowing what tragedy hit them is just hard to process even for you, who never even met the woman.

You hear the front door open and Izzy is laughing at something, so you rush out before anyone could catch you snooping around.

“Hi Miss Y/N!” she chirps upon seeing you when you meet them in the living room.

“Izzy, you don’t have to call me Miss Y/N, Y/N is perfectly fine,” you smile at her, caressing her rosy cheeks.

“Okay. Ruth, can I please have some ice-cream?”

“I’m afraid we ran out of ice-cream, but I’ll put it on your grocery list,” Ruth tells her, a pout tugging on Izzy’s lips.

“How about this: I’m gonna make a delicious smoothie, that’s almost like melted ice-cream, would you like some?” you offer and her eyes brighten up immediately, nodding right away.

While Ruth puts away Izzy’s things they brought home from daycare, while the two of you move to the kitchen to make the smoothie together. You find some frozen berries in the freezer and pair them with bananas, putting them all into the blender with oatmilk, blending it all together.

“How is it?” you ask Izzy, who is sitting on top of the counter, tasting the pink smoothie that leaves a cute little mustache above her cherry lips.

“I like it!” she smiles, scrunching her nose.

“We can make it some other time then,” you smile, drinking up your portion.

Izzy is dancing around the kitchen, babbling about her last day at daycare while you clean the glasses and the blender when Harry arrives. He is wearing a baby blue suit with a crispy dress shirt underneath, looking fashionable but still business appropriate at the same time.

“Daddy!” Izzy launches towards her daddy, who catches her, throwing her into the air before holding her in his arms, joining you in the kitchen.

“Hey baby. How was your day?”

“Good, all my friends hugged me but I told them we would meet in the park.”

“That’s right, and I have the number of all your friends’ parents, we can have playdates with them whenever you want to,” he smiles before his eyes meet yours. “Hi Y/N, everything went well with the rest of your moving?”

“Yeah, I’m all set,” you smile back at him.

“That’s great. I have a few calls to make, but I’ll be done in thirty probably. Would you mind looking out for Izzy in the meanwhile?”

“Of course. She promised me to take me around her room, so we could do that, what do you say?” you ask the little girl who nods in excitement.

Harry disappears in his office and Izzy pulls you to her room, showing you just about every toy she owns. Her room is a typical girl’s room, the walls are painted a light pink color, her bedframe resembles a castle and she has a dollhouse as big as your previous bathroom. Harry clearly spoils her rotten, but what you noticed is that she is not one of those annoying bratty only children who can’t take no. She was clearly taught how to behave and always listen to the adults.

While Izzy is putting her stuffed animals away after introducing you to all of them, you spot a photo frame near her bed, decorated with macaroni. You remember when you all did that together at daycare and now you get to see the photo that ended up behind the glass.

It’s a photo of Izzy and her mother, she was just a baby and doing quick math in your head you realize it must have been not long before her accident, might even be the last picture taken of the two of them. Her mom is smiling at the camera while Izzy is sleeping in her arms peacefully. Izzy looked a lot like her when she was a baby, the bridge of her nose and her lips resembled her mother’s, though now she appears to take more after her dad with her chocolate curls and piercing green eyes.

“That’s my mommy,” she tells you when she sees you looking at the photo.

“It’s a nice picture,” you smile at her, trying your best to hide how heartbroken you feel even just looking at the photo.

“Daddy said she had to go up to the sky, but she is watching me from there,” she explains, clearly not entirely sure what it means, but you can tell she misses her. “Daddy said she is living between the stars now and that she loves me very much.” You need to fight your tears back at her words.

“I’m sure of that too,” you breathe out smiling at her.

“Izzy, do you want to help me make dinner?” Harry walks in smiling, though it disappears for a moment when he sees the two of you looking at the photo of his wife, but he is quick to control himself.

“Yes! What are we making?” she runs over to him, jumping up and down.

“Uh, chicken and veggies.”

You step away from the photo, pretending like nothing just happened. You’re dying to discuss it with Harry, hear him talk about it, but you won’t push him. If he wants to share it, he’ll come to you.

“Alright, come on then,” he smiles down at her. “Thank you for watching her, I’ll take over from here. Food will be ready in about an hour, Ruth is staying with us as well,” he informs you.

“Great, I’ll… I’ll be in my room,” you nod.

The first two weeks on the job brush past smoothly. It takes you some time to get used to your new home, but taking care of Izzy doesn’t feel like work, so you’re feeling amazing in your new job. You easily fall into a schedule with her.

The mornings are always Harry’s duty. He wakes her up around seven-thirty, makes her breakfast and dresses her for the day before he leaves around nine. Thanks to this habit of his, you’re able to sleep in until eight, leaving you plenty of time to get ready for your day with Izzy before Harry has to leave. Depending on the weather, the two of you then either take over the back yard or move to her room for some play time before her class of the day starts in the noon. Piano with Rosaline on Mondays and Wednesdays, French lesson with Lyon on Tuesdays and Fridays and then Izzy’s favorite on Thursdays, swimming class with Kitty.

Izzy loves to help in the kitchen so you usually make lunch together. Once her tummy is full she takes a nap before you sit down to learn something new every day. You’ve been teaching her the numbers and the alphabet, or some days you just talk about anything that interests her and learn at least two things she hasn’t know yet, all through games so she doesn’t even realize what you’re doing. You’re usually done by around three, leaving you time to take a visit to the park, if Harry is not planning to take her himself later that day.

You’re strictly home by four, unless it’s Tuesday when she has her dance class until five. Those days you drive her to her class, run some quick errands and pick her up. Harry usually uses his extra time in the office on these days, but he is always home by six to have dinner together with his daughter.

Once Harry is home you’re off duty, though you like to stay close, not just in case something comes up for Harry, but because you genuinely like spending time with Izzy and Harry, seeing them interacting.

Harry sometimes has to work on Saturdays as well, but just as he promised Ruth is always here to take over duty on those days, leaving you free for the whole weekend. It’s been working perfectly for you and those very few concerns you had about moving in dissolve quite fast as soon as you start working.

Though it’s been pretty clear to you before, you now one hundred percent sure that Harry is living for his daughter. She is always a priority, he doesn’t hesitate to decline any work calls he gets in the evenings if Izzy needs him, if she is a little fussy and wants her daddy’s attention or when they are in the middle of a game. He is clearly trying to keep a balance between his work and role as a father and from what you’ve seen, it seems like he is doing an amazing job in that. However you haven’t learned much else about him. He is all friendly towards you, but makes sure to keep it business casual, not quite keen on getting to know each other better as just friends, maybe.

A Friday afternoon you’re having a little tea party in the backyard with Izzy when Harry arrives home, but this time, he is not alone. Through the sliding door you spot him with a blonde guy who is talking very articulately as Harry is typing on his phone. The man looks about Harry’s age, but you can’t tell if he is a friend or a business partner, but if Harry brought him home, he is more likely to be a friend of his.

“Uncle Niall!” Izzy gasps when he spots the man through the glass and abandoning the tea party, she starts running towards the door. The man spots her and slides the door open grinning widely before she jumps into his arms.

“Little bugger! How are ya?” the man laughs, holding Izzy in a tight hug before leaning back to take a good look at her. You notice his thick Irish accent and it suits his appearance quite well. You head inside as well, in case Harry needs Izzy busy for a little longer, though he doesn’t mind having her around, kissing the top of her head before finishing up whatever he was doing on his phone, watching Niall and Izzy smiling.

“I’m having a tea party with Y/N, wanna join?” Izzy invites the man, who then looks at you for the first time, smiling widely.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, Izzy’s new nanny,” you introduce yourself, holding out a hand that he shakes, keeping Izzy in his other arm without a problem.

“Nice to meet ya, I’m Niall.”

“Y/N, Niall is an old friend of mine. He is joining us for dinner, hope you don’t mind,” Harry informs you and you find it funny how he is kind of asking for your approval when it’s his house.

“Not at all.”

“Harry has told me he hired a pair of new hands to help, but he didn’t mention it’s a stunning young woman!” Niall beams, making you blush right away.

“Ni, I would appreciate it if you didn’t try to pick up my daughter’s new nanny,” Harry warns him lightly, though there’s some firmness in his tone, not that it scares Niall in any way, he even winks at you.

“Oh come on, you can’t expect me not to flirt when you surround yourself with so many pretty women! First Ruth and now Y/N!”

You smile at him, something is telling you he wasn’t joking and he tried to flirt with Ruth as well. Harry just rolls his eyes at his friend, taking Izzy from him.

“Keep it in your pants, Niall,” Harry tells him and though it’s nothing vulgar, it catches Izzy’s attention.

“What should he keep in his pants?” she questions, making your and Harry’s eyes grow big right away. Luckily, Niall keeps his cool and takes care of the situation.

“My attitude, Sweetie. Your daddy is just jealous because I’m more handsome than he is,” he smirks at the little girl, successfully avoiding an awkward conversation about what it is that Niall should keep in his pants.

You smile at his reply, even though you are not that sure about the comparison he just made between himself and Harry.

“Izzy, do you want to continue the tea party?” you ask her and even though just a minute ago she was inviting Niall to join her, now she shakes her head no. “Alright, I’ll pack it up then.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ll do it, right Izzy? She brought it all out, she is going to be the one packing it up,” Harry reminds her and she nods.

The two of them move outside to put her little tea set back into the basket she keeps it in, leaving you and Niall alone.

“So Y/N, how did you end up here?”

“I was working at Izzy’s daycare, but they sent me away not long ago. Then Harry contacted me and offered the job which was a lifesaver, truly.”

“That’s great! Well, not that you got fired, but that you ended up here. I know it means a lot for Harry that he can spend more time with Izzy, you’re making everything a lot easier for him.” Niall walks over into the kitchen and grabs a water for himself as he leans against the counter. “I can see that he is a lot more relaxed now already.”

“Really?” you ask, surprised.

“Yeah. I know he always used to stress about picking Izzy up, or forgetting something the daycare asked for. Now he can make it all work just how he wants to, that fits him a lot more. It hasn’t been easy on him since Maggie’s death.”

This is the first time you hear anyone talk about Harry’s wife and now you just learned her name. Maggie.

“Being a single parents is never easy,” you add with a soft smile, not wanting to interrogate Niall about Maggie. It’s Harry’s place to tell you about her, if he wants to, of course.

Soon enough Izzy and Harry take over the kitchen, Niall helping them this time and you leave them alone, taking some time for yourself in your room. Later you go out to check if there’s anything you could help with, Harry asks you to set the table as he finishes up the cooking.

“So, Y/N. Tell me a little bit about yourself!” Niall asks you over dinner.

“Um, what do you want to know?” you ask, feeling a little flustered to be in the spotlight.

“I don’t know, family, friends, hobbies?”

“Well, I have a younger brother, Trevor. He is seventeen and already taller than me.”

“Oh, that seems like a big age gap.”

“Ten years, to be exact,” you nod. “He was planned, I wasn’t,” you add with a soft chuckle. “But we have a great relationship, so it’s all good. We talk almost every day.”

“I’m sure you’ll get well along with Gemma then!” Niall beams, glancing at Harry.

“Gemma is my sister,” Harry explains. “Though she is not that much older than me.”

“But you can bond over being stuck with a younger brother who outgrew you,” Niall jokes making all three of you laugh.

All through dinner you realize how different Niall is from Harry, but in a good way. While Harry is more quiet and calm, Niall is kind of all over the place, buzzing and chatting every chance he got, but the two of them make a great pair, bringing what the other doesn’t have to the table.

After dinner you attempt to leave them again, but Niall makes you stay as they open a glass of wine. Harry puts on a movie for Izzy to keep her busy, giving the three of you a chance to sit out at the terrace from where you still can keep an eye on the little girl inside.

“Alright, Y/N. When are we going on our first date then?” Niall asks out of the blue, a cocky smile tugging on his lips.

“Niall, for fuck’s sake,” Harry breathes out as you let out an awkward chuckle.

“What? I think there’s some electricity going on between us.”

“I, uhh—I don’t…”

“Please don’t turn me down!” he sighs dramatically, making you smile.

“You’ve been great company, but I’m not sure we should go out,” you tell him. He huffs in disappointment, but it’s clear he didn’t take it to his heart.

“Is it because you’re taken? I didn’t even ask, are you dating anyone? You can’t be engaged, because I don’t see any rings,” he points out, nodding towards your naked fingers, however his words make you suck on your breath.

“I’m not engaged. Not anymore,” you admit and you watch their eyes go wide at the information.

“Wait, you’ve been engaged before?” Harry asks, clearly surprised, if not shocked.

“Yeah. For about four months,” you nod, running your tongue over your lips as you reach for your wine, taking a few large gulps.

“And what did the fucker do?” Niall bluntly questions, earning a look from Harry. “What? I’m just curious what twat it takes to lose a woman like her!”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to talk about that,” Harry presses, but you shrug.

“It’s not a secret. We dated for about two years before he proposed. I said yes, started planning the wedding and everything, then found out that he had been cheating on me with his assistant for about a year. We broke up, simple as that. It’s in the past, happened a year ago.”

“That’s some next level asshole bullshit,” Niall shakes his head while Harry is just staring at you with an unreadable look before he turns his attention at his glass, still clearly deep in his thoughts and you wonder what he thinks of you now. Here is the loser who not only got cheated on, but lost her job, all of that just in one year.

Harry doesn’t react, and a moment later Izzy comes out because she is thirsty, so daddy duties call him away. Niall stays a little, but heads home soon as well.

“It was nice meeting you, Y/N. The date still stands though,” he smirks when he pulls back from the short hug he enveloped you in.

“Alright,” you chuckle, slowly getting used to his flirty act.

You was the wine glasses and head back to your room while Harry walks Niall out and then takes Izzy upstairs to give her a bath. You don’t cross paths until later when you leave your room, already in your pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt to grab some water for yourself and he walks out of Izzy’s room just then, probably done with putting her to sleep.

“I’m sorry if Niall made you uncomfortable, he didn’t mean to be rude or anything,” he apologizes as the two of you walk together.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” you chuckle softly. “It was kind of a boost to my ego, if I’m being honest.”

Harry huffs with a smile and stops at the kitchen island, his fingers tapping on his lips as you grab yourself a bottled water.

“I’m… I’m sorry about… about what you told us earlier.”

Closing the fridge you look at him, seeing that he is kind of hesitant, like he is not sure he should have spoken up, but you appreciate the thought.

“It’s alright. Just water under the bridge,” you shrug.

“I just feel bad you had to go through that.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” you chuckle softly. “It sucked, yeah. I really thought I would live happily ever after with Keith, but instead I got a lesson.”

“A lesson?”

“When we broke up I was obviously on the floor, both literal and theoretical way. I thought it was my fault, that I did something wrong and that’s why he did what he did. I even thought that I’m not worthy of being loved and being in love again. Took me time to realize that no matter what happened, I still deserve to be happy and to find someone to love and who can love me back.”

It appears that your words touch him deep, staring back at you, he just nods shortly, not replying to anything you just said. You’re not sure he is so silent because he doesn’t really understand what you just talked about or if it hit too close to home. Whatever it is, he keeps it to himself.

“Good night, Harry,” you smile at him before walking out of the kitchen and up into your room.

You’re lying in bed already when you hear him open his room’s door and then close it and suddenly he is all you can think about. The way his eyes sometimes pierce down on you, the way he taps his fingers against his lips when he is thinking hard or the proud smile that always plasters across his face whenever he is watching Izzy do basically anything. But you do see some pain in those beautiful green eyes of his and your desire to take just the smallest fracture of it away grows, even though he is not showing any sign that he is willing to share it with you.

The next morning, despite having the day off, you wake up quite early. You toss and turn, try to fall back asleep a little longer, but you just can’t. It’s a nice, warm morning and you decide to take advantage of the little balcony attached to your room. Wrapping yourself in your fluffy robe you grab the book you started reading a few days ago and sit out, enjoying the morning Sun that’s shining right at you on the balcony.

You don’t even realize for a while that you’re not the only early riser. When your eyes wander down to the big oak tree that’s near Izzy’s playground, you spot Harry doing what appears to be yoga on a green mattress, wearing nothing else, just a pair of black shorts. No shirt.

For a moment you think about going inside, feeling like you’re invading his privacy in a way, but you have the right to enjoy the morning Sun on your balcony, it’s not your fault he decided to have yoga at the exact same time. And it’s just hard not to look at his shirtless body stretching in all directions, twisting and turning as he goes through the motions, his tattooed body on full display.

It’s been clear since the moment you laid eyes on him for the first time that Harry is probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever met and that includes all your exes. Paired with his kind of mysterious charisma and the way he takes care of his daughter, he is the whole package, but you have been busy with Izzy to dwell too long on how attractive he really is. But right now, you are not working and he is very much shirtless in the backyard, teasing you with thoughts you definitely shouldn’t be thinking about when it comes to your boss.

A shaky breath leaves your mouth as you let yourself watch him just for a few more minutes before heading back inside, not wanting to get busted for being a stalker and also not wanting to see him in more positions and have even more unholy thoughts about him.

But what you don’t know is that just as you step inside, Harry catches your figure disappearing in your room, knowing well you saw him too.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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unwrittenlibrary · 3 years

Text

Saturday Sun I

Summary: it’s the beginning of may. mother’s day has come and gone, with your family trip coming up and things are seemingly falling apart even more. you and harry are forced to come head to head with real issues. (harry x fem!reader)

Word Count: 1.3K (second part will be the longer piece)

Warnings: Angst. Cheating. Find all in depth warnings in the first two parts.

Notes: hello, part three is divided into two parts, this first one focusing on some conflict & the second part to it will focus more on family dynamic & light resolution. part of this piece has harry’s pov instead of entirely the readers.

Part One & Two (along with a companion piece) can be found in my h.s masterlist!

i need to ask her

what’s going on?

are we going strong?

May - Part I

It’s the Monday before your flight.

April had come and April had gone and you were still struggling to focus on anything but your kids and issues with Harry. You suppose that’s okay, your next deadline was months away and with the trip coming up all you could focus on were those things.

Mother’s Day had slipped your mind completely. You were busy making lists and triple checking flight info to even think of asking the kids and Harry about their plans.

“How was your weekend? Everything went well?” Dr. Walsh’s voice forces you to look up from the new watch that adorns your wrist.

You glance at Harry, who waits for you to answer. You shrug. “It was nice… Harry and the kids treated me yesterday.”

The watch is a beautiful rose gold color and is a thin band compared to the band of your last watch. Your kids initials had been engraved onto the inner band. It was, by all means, a lovely and well thought out gift. Not only replacing the watch you had worn for a decade and had finally snapped, but reminding of the best parts of your life.

“Tell me about your day!” Dr. Walsh smiles kindly. Her eyes move between you and Harry, polite and u judging, before landing on your wrist.

“I got breakfast, at the table, breakfast in bed is too hectic with three kids and a baby.” You laugh softly, thinking of the kids and their not well hidden excitement for your day. “And they all got me gifts. The twins made clay handprints in school. Seph picked out a new wallet for me and even bought it on her own!”

It’s impossible to contain your happiness that rolls off of you when you talk about the kids. Bragging about their thoughtfulness and kind gifts makes you almost forget where you are.

“That sounds so lovely.” Dr. Walsh brings you back down. Your eyes move to Harry. His eyes are open and he’s smiling softly as you speak. But his fingers are fidgeting in his lap and you know he had hoped you would be proud of his gift too.

And you were. But maybe that was the worst part. That it was kind hearted and well thought out and so very Harry that you almost hated it. You hated how one small gift had caused a sliver of hope to crawl into your bloodstream and make your heart race for him again.

That it made you believe, for one brief moment, all his promises and words about never falling out of love with you and never wanting to let you go.

“Harry got me a watch too.” You finally say, quiet and full of despair. “Mine snapped a few weeks ago… It has the kids initials in it. It was a good day.”

Dr. Walsh nods. “It’s a lovely watch.” Her eyes move pointedly from it on your wrist to you. “So what’s wrong?”

You fiddle with it, twisting it on your wrist and tapping the face anxiously. “It feels tainted.” You steadily avoid looking at Harry as you say the words. Dr. Walsh nods, but doesn’t say anything, silently urging you to continue. “I love it. And that… makes me feel guilty. And it makes me feel dumb because one stupid gift made me forget this bullshit for a second and I just felt that love for him again.”

There’s an intake of breath to your right, but Dr. Walsh doesn’t look at all shocked by your words. “It makes sense. You want to be angry. You have a right to be angry and when something gets in the way of that, you’re unsure of how to feel.”

You nod. Her words make sense. You did want to be angry and after your brief elation with the gift you found you still were.

“I am going to feel like this for the rest of my life?” You whisper.

She shakes her head. “No. One day, this anger will be gone. But… it’s up to you whether or not you can get there with each other. If you can forgive Harry and let go of the anger. Or not. Neither is wrong.”

You nod. Sometimes these sessions felt like she was strictly talking to you. Harry just listened. Spoke up when you asked him to, or when Dr. Walsh worked on exercises.

A part of you found that it helped. You were able to say things you may not have ever said to Harry. But sometimes it felt like he was unsure if he should try and that made you angrier.

Harry’s hopes are built up and shattered. It’s his own fault, he knows it is. Knows that this was an easily fixable marriage before he fucked up.

You’ve talked about the cheating a little in therapy. Dr. Walsh has mentioned it, you’ve let your anger out, Harry has apologized. It’s a cycle that seems never ending. He doesn’t know what to do. All he wants so desperately is to fucking fix it.

But...

The drive has been silent. You stare out the window at cars and buildings that pass. There are bags in the truck rustling around, a last minute stop for last minute items needed for the trip.

You had been silent in the store too. Quietly checking off your list as Harry pushed the cart behind you. Had his gift upset you this much? You still loving him made you this angry?

“I… I don’t know what to do.” Harry finally says, forcing his voice to cut through the silence. You startle and turn to look at him. “Tell me what to do.” He pleads.

He knows you can hear the desperation in his voice. Whether or not you were angry at him, you knew him, you knew his tells and his emotions.

“What do you want me to say, H?” Your voice is a whisper but still harsh. “I don’t know! I don’t know what you can do! Build a time machine. Don’t cheat on me.”

“It feels like we’re going in circles.” Harry tries to keep his calm. He wants to keep the anxiety and hurt out of his voice. “Like, you’re angry then you see this chance and there’s hope, then there’s anger again.”

You scoff. “I’m sorry my pain isn’t linear enough for you! I’m sorry that sometimes I see glimpses of you and I’m reminded of us ten years ago, so in love and oblivious to the outside world. Sorry that it all comes crashing down when I remember that you fucking cheated on me!”

Harry sighs and his grip on the steering wheel tightens. “I fucked up so bad. I know. I know. God, what can I do? Anything.”

“Why did you do it?” You ask instead of answering. There’s a coldness in your words and Harry’s aware you’re both trapped in the car for another twenty minutes. So are you, apparently. “And don’t give me the same bullshit about being selfish and not knowing why and it being a mistake.”

Harry feels desperation claw at his throat and tears burning in the corner of his eyes. It’s like he can’t breathe, trapped in a coffin of your anger and his guilt. He tries to keep his eyes focused on the road as he talks. “I… I felt wanted. I liked the attention.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, but Harry keeps his face forward and eyes focused. “Tell me what happened.”

“Y/N…” Harry trails off. “I… I can’t.”

You groan and fall forward with your head in your hands. “I need to know, H. I don’t… I just need to know because all I can think about is these what if situations and scenarios in my head. And I’ll just keep running through them until I hate you.”

Harry bites down on his lip and spares a glance at you. “What if… What if I tell you and you hate me anyways?” The question is unfair. He knows it is. But he can’t fathom a world without you in it. A world where he sees you on drop off days and has to plan separate holidays.

“I don’t know.” You say quietly. But, it feels like answer enough. There’s no reason for you not to leave.

And Harry guesses a promise to try was never really a promise to stay.

notes: thank you for the patience! i understand this piece is short, this part has been a lil tricky and i wanted to get the first part to may out before summer courses begun. i’m hoping i’m able to continue writing through them, but i will warn readers i am enrolled in two of the three week classes that have a lot of work and move quickly. so patience will be appreciated. i hope everyone is safe & healthy and has a wonderful end of school/university/spring! and congratulations to all the grads these next two months. i’m planning on ending this series with a total of five parts (march, april, may, june, july) w/ two endings.

tags (im tagging a couple ppl who messaged me awhile ago (after the last part), if u dont wanna be tagged anymore let me know! sorry!@alwaysclassyeagle @yourgoldengirls

if u wanna be tagged just message me & let me know if u want it for just this series or for all my h writing! ❤️

#harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles #harry styles writing

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lxngbottom · 3 years

Text

A Cold Night | N.L

in which the reader is best friends with neville, & she swore he would ask her to the yule ball. she is forced to go alone without anyone’s knowledge.

warnings: just angst honestly, & swearing

word count: 1,575

im watching gof rn by myself & i just came up with this randomly so enjoy!

—

y/n y/l/n sat in the (now) glamours great hall. kids her age, younger, & older, laughed as they all danced. everyone was dressed in formal attire, even y/n herself who was never too keen on getting dressed up. whispers broke out when people saw her, saying how beautiful she looked. but, the look on her face contrasted from her baby blue dress. it was one filled with envy, and spite for the ginger girl that danced in the green dress.

y/n brought the bottle once again up to her lips, discreetly. the bottle was filled with muggle alcohol, as she knew it would be the only way to get her through the night.

she watched as neville smiled, laughed with ginny. they looked to be having the time of their life. and as much as y/n wanted to be happy for him, she couldn’t bring herself to be. her whole being was filled with rage, and the worst part was; it was beginning to become noticeable.

y/n looked over, and saw harry and ron with their dates, sitting down. they looked just as bored as she did. she looked around once more, her eyes landing on hermione and her Bulgarian man. she smiled lightly, happy that at least her girl best friend was having a good night. hermione had never glowed so much since y/n had known her, and it brought some serenity.

but, she thought about the conversation that had occurred between them, just a few days before this:

“y/n! the yule ball is in three days and you’re telling me that you still don’t have someone to go with?!” hermione exclaimed, her face filled with concern for her friend.

“don’t remind me, mione’. please.” y/n responded, plopping down onto her bed. she looked down at her fingers, remembering that neville had told her, seamus, and dean that he was going with ginny weasley.

“well... there must be someone!”

hermione began to think to herself, surely not wanting y/n to go all by herself. that would be completely unacceptable in her book. “i don’t think ron or harry have a date yet. maybe you could ask one of them! i’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” hermione suggested.

y/n shook her head, “they’re going with the twins...”

hermione sighed, a feeling of guilt penetrating her chest. “well... is there anyone specifically that you would want to go with?”

the question made y/n’s heart snap, as yes, there was someone she had in mind. neville longbottom. her best friend since first year. she assumed that neville would just ask her, and of course she wouldn’t have declined. she had fancied the Herbology loving boy since the second she laid eyes on him, and three years later, that still hadn’t changed.

when neville had informed her that he was escorting ginny, she had lied to him and said that she had a date as well. but, of course, she just didn’t want to look like a pathetic fool in front of him.

“yeah, actually. i’ll ask them tomorrow and let you know, hermione.” y/n responded, earning another small smile from the dirty blonde.

“great! there’s no way they would turn you down!”

but when the next day came, there wasn’t another person. y/n had lied once again, just to not seem pathetic in front of one of her close friends. she had even told hermione that the imaginary boy said yes, and that she was very excited to being attending the ball with him.

y/n took another swig of the bottle, her eyes still not leaving neville and ginny. maybe it was the effects of the alcohol, but y/n felt as if her emotions were about to burst right from her chest. she imagined a scenario where she slammed the bottle on the ground, grabbing everyone’s attention, and just storming out to leave everyone in question.

but, of course she couldn’t do that. she didn’t want to ruin other people’s nights.

time seemed to go by quickly, and y/n’s anger was quickly replaced with sadness. she looked down at her dress, hating it. she felt as if she had just wasted her time coming.

tears brimmed her eyes, and she quickly stood up to storm out. she did so whimpering, trying her best to hold back tears.

when she met the cold night, it nipped at her nose, causing a single tear to slip down her face. she quickly took her heels off, the alcohol making it increasingly difficult to walk in them without stumbling.

she looked around a few times, just to make sure no one was present. when she realized she was alone, she let out a small sob.

it wasn’t fair. it just wasn’t fair. y/n swore that neville would be the one to take her, and that she would be the one on the dance floor laughing with him. but, the world doesn’t always work in our favor. she took another swig, and continued to cry to herself.

by the time the bottle was empty, y/n was drunk. she began to see doubles, and knew that it was time to just to turn in for the night. there was no real reason to even be here. not now, or even in the first place. she had no idea why she even decided to come.

as she began walking towards the staircase, letting her drunk mind consume her, a familiar voice called out for her,

“y/n!”

she turned her head, and her heart broke once more when she saw the person in question. he looked so handsome.

“what, neville?” she responded angrily, just simply wanting to disappear from his sight.

he looked her up and down, noticing her makeup running, and the empty bottle in her hands.

“where are you going? and, why are you crying?” he asked concerned, stepping closer to her. her breath hitched as he did so, and he began to put the pieces together of what he thought was going on. “merlin... did your date dump you? i’m so sorry, y/n. ginny and i—“

“no.” she interjected, “he didn’t dump me.”

neville’s eyebrows furrowed out of pure confusion, “oh, well then... why are you leaving? you seem really upset.” the boy moved some hair from her shoulder, secretly taking in how beautiful she looked. runny mascara and all.

“yes, neville. i’m upset. i’m glad you noticed...” she slurred out.

neville’s face dropped, “are you...” he began, still trying to out the pieces together, “are you drunk, y/n?”

y/n chuckled spitefully, her emotions being the only thing driving her at the moment. “yeah, neville. i’m drunk. i’m very drunk, actually.”

he noticed the edge in her tone, the anger. what was going on with her?

“y/n... you know you can talk to me, right? we’re friends.”

y/n laughed once again, this time, taking a hair clip from her hair and tossing it on the floor. “yeah, whatever, longbottom. just go back in. your date is probably waiting for you.”

neville was completely lost. y/n never acted like this towards him.

“y/n, seriously. what in the bloody hell is wrong with you, tonight? where is your date?”

finally, y/n broke.

“i don’t have one.” she spoke, her voice cracking. “i lied to you. i lied to every one of you.” she stepped closer to him, “i came here... alone.”

“what?” he questioned, “why—why would you lie, y/n?”

her fists clenched from his question. was neville really that oblivious? could she have not made it anymore obvious to him all these years?

“because... the person i wanted to go with, was already going with someone else.”

neville’s eyes softened, and he smiled. “y/n... you still could’ve found someone. i mean, look at me. somehow i managed to get a date and—“

“just fuck off, longbottom. okay? just leave me the fuck alone!”

his jaw dropped, and he started to reconsider ever word he had just spoken. what did he say that made her so angry?

y/n began to turn around and walk away, but neville grabbed her arm before she could move any further. “y/n, just talk to me. i just wanna know what’s going on, and why you lied about having a date. i won’t judge you or—“

“merlin’s beard, neville! you can be such an oblivious git sometimes!” she spat at him, yanking her arm away from his hold.

his chest tightened from her words. is that really how she felt about him? after all these years... she saw him just like everyone else did?

“i wanted—“ she started, scared to speak, but at the same time needing to, “i wanted to go with you!”

neville’s face contorted into a shocked one from her yelling,

“i lied because you were going with ginny, and i wanted you to ask me! i honestly, truly thought that you would ask me as a matter of fact! i didn’t care about finding another date because i was convinced that you would take me!”

neville didn’t know how to respond. all he could do was focus on her trembling voice, and the way tears continuously rolled down her face.

“y/n—“

“but it doesn’t matter anymore, right? cause you’re with ginny and i’m just simply leaving! so... have a fantastic night!”

and with that, she dashed away from him. a trail of tears and whimpers leaving with her. neville stood there, shocked, confused, worried.

of course he had wanted to ask her. he just didn’t know how.

#harry potter #harry potter imagine #neville longbottom imagine #neville longbottom #neville longbottom smut #neville x reader

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vomitlyart · 4 years

Text

Reading you based on your obey me Kin

i will be ruthless and im not holdin back!! ok now say it with me😈

Lucifer

I kin Lucifer and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends for help even when i know i need it. I don't want people to get worried about me so i mask my issues and help everyone with thier issues, completely disregarding my own needs for a break. in the end i feel alone because regardless of saying im ok, i want someone to truly sit with me and ask me if im ok, but i fear that moment because im not used to dealing with my own issues

Mammon

I kin Mammon and i just want to feel seen and loved. sometimes i do stupid/dumb things to get the seratonin that comes from making people laugh. i feel like no one ever listens to me and it makes me feel insignificant and like the last one to get picked. i truly want to be myself and fear that if im not the odds one out by doing little dumb things people will think im essentially worthless and most likely think im borning. I have a hard time talking about my feelings and want to so desperately, that if i do i won't know what to say or where to start due to the many emotions i've bottled up throughout my life

Levi

I kin Leviathan and i have very bad anxiety. i have a difficult time making friends and part of that reason is bc im scared they already hate me or want nothing to do with me. I know my interests are different from what is considered the norm but i so desperately want to talk and ramble about said interest for hours to someone who will at the very least listen. I get bashed about the things i like by my family and although i dont show it, this hurts me deeply. I lock myself in my room and indulge myself in my favorite things bc each character makes me wish i had certain aspects of them and makes me wish i lived an interesting life but bc of my anxiety it's extremely hard for me to do so. Im also used to being the last one picked and often assume i will always be the last one picked no matter how many times im reassured and deep down i want someone to relish in my own interests with me and truly love and care for me

Satan

I kin Satan and i have a horrible realtionship with my father. I Loathe my father and the tension arises every time we a near one another. A part of me feels terrible that i loathe my father because i know he has his own mind and emotions and i want to forgive him for what he's done but in the end I know it's fruitless to forgive him bc he has put me through alot of pain and hurt. i wish things couldve been different and we couldve had a normal bond. I also hide my emotions very well and am ashamed of ever feeling angry bc it makes me feel like i am horrible person. im also not used to affection and have only ever seeked or felt genuine affection from my pets. I also fear as if i have no personality and that im boring.

Asmodeus

I kin Asmo and i feel like i need to act confident around others in order for them to like me because im too scared to show people my insecurities because i fear they will never view me the same again and leave me in disgust. I want everyone to like me and I also can't handle when someone doesn't want to be my friend or doesn't like me bc i feel if there's something wrong with me. the need to act confident and cute all the time makes me oblivious to the fact that my insecurities shine through at times and make me even more oblivious to the fact people like me for who i am, insecurities and all

Beelzebub

I kin Beel and i have some form of sepreation anxiety towards my favorite person. i often get a sudden fear that something bad will happen to my fav person even though everything is ok. I get made fun of or scolded by my eating habbits and it makes me feel absolutely terrible because i'm trying. i also care very deeply for my family/friends and will do anything for them. i place unnecessarily guilt onto myself and perfer to do so, so that no one else has to bear the burden.

Belphegor

I kin Belphie and i act as if nothing matters but i secretly am very worried and care alot about my friends/family. I also stay up very late because i feel like i have no control over my life during the day and for some reason i feel like staying up late gives me some kind of control. I also hide my emotions with a sarcastic tone and usually think about the the mistakes ive made in my past while i cry in bed. i dont ask others for help emotionally and i want someone to care and listen to me as well as to relish in a calm peaceful life.

/Undatables/

Diavolo

I kin Diavolo and i fear that telling ppl i care about them isn't enough to get the message across so i constantly gift people things in hopes to show them i care. i also fear gifting things too much drives people away from me, i also dont get included much with friends and feel as if i have done something wrong. i also feel very upset when a fun time is over because the feeling of happiness goes with that moment, so i constantly throw little parties and whatnot to relish in the joy but feel upset once it's over. i can also read people well and get put on edge or very cautious when i cannot read someone

Barbatos

I kin barbatos and i constantly take care of others never once letting myself take a break. I hide my emotions behind a smile in order to not worry others and because i dont want dont ppls sense of depency on me to be ruined. i rarely let myself take breaks bc i fear that i wont be there for the person i care about when they need me.

Solomon

I kin solomon and i usually supress my emotions to hide the fact im not very used to being shown affection and that im not as confident as i seem. I also am a very private person but the fact im so secretive makes me disliked by some bc they think i dislike them. i also wish my friends would include me in more events with them and when they dont i bury myself in an activity to hide the fact im upset about it

Simeon

I kin simeon and i want to know and make sure they everyone is ok. i know just how to push and pull people's buttons but i wont abuse this because i care about those people. i'm also very hard to read and perfer to give people advise rather than answers to their problems. The constant taking care of others makes me forget that i also need time to just myself. It takes alot and i mean alot to anger me but once it happens it's not very pretty.

Luke

I kin luke and I want to take care of everyone and often forget to take care of myself. People often dont take me seriously and so i often i find myself baking as a coping mechisim bc it makes me feel in control of little things. I also have a hard time admitting that i care about others and i'll unknowingly show my affection that i do care about them by giving them little gifts and advice. im also very oblivious to certain topics and are i get mad when i get left in the dark about certain topics.

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euphoricsunflowers · 3 years

Text

care — monsta x

request: how do you think our boys would take care of and reassure their dom? like, with a domdrop situation, when you're feeling drained or maybe even guilty :'(

a/n: sorry if these seem kind of repetitive but i hope you like them!!! all gifs are by @imnameimss !!

word count: 2.0

content: sub!monsta x, dom!gn!reader, no smut except for the beginning of wonho’s part, usage of safewords (minhyuk and changkyun), lots of mentions and depictions of aftercare obviously, lots of bad feels on the reader’s part obviously

disclaimer: legit just please take care of your partners, whether dom or sub. remember that everyone deserves the ability to use a safeword if they need/want to and everyone deserves aftercare.

—

son hyunwoo/shownu:

he usually doesn’t start or initiate anything, letting you be the one to do it, which is helpful when you don’t want to do anything. he’s not forceful nor do you have to shut down any advances because he’s just not vocal about it when he wants it. you’ve gotten good at spotting when he’s horny, so that’s not even an issue anymore.

but if anything, hyunwoo is attentive. he noticed something was off immediately, even before you had said a word, that this wasn’t just an off day where you were just tired.

“y/n?” you hear him murmur with concern laced in his voice, “is everything- are you okay?”

“what?” you finally meet his eyes, and his heart breaks just a bit, seeing all those bad feelings you’re holding back, “i- yeah, i’m fine, woo. just a bad day.”

“i don’t think is just a bad day, baby,” he reaches out to hold your hand, and you take it hesitantly, letting him pull you a bit closer, “can you tell me what’s bothering you?”

“i’m- am i a bad person?” you blurt out, before backtracking, “and like, don’t lie to make me feel better, but am i a bad person for the things i fantasize about? i mean like, i get pleasure from hurting you! that can’t be good, i must be-”

“honey,” he whispers as he uses his free hand to stroke your cheek with his thumb soothingly, and you realize just how loud you’ve been getting, “you’re not a bad person. a bad person wouldn’t care if they were bad, and they definitely wouldn’t care about me as much as you do. you’re incredible, y/n,” he smiles sadly, “now how about we make some adjustments to our aftercare routine so this doesn’t happen again, okay?”

lee hoseok/wonho:

completely opposite from shownu, wonho is always needy and has no problems initiating, but he’s also incredibly attentive and notices something is wrong rather quickly.

“on your knees, baby,” you murmur, and right away he slides off the bed to fall to his knees, maybe bruising them a bit, but he knows you love to see him bruised up and he’s happy to make his body your canvas. he sits obediently, waiting for his next command, but he doesn’t get it. instead, you just run your fingers through his hair with a distant look on your face.

he knows in a normal situation he should stay silent, but he decides that this isn’t a right situation, “y/n? is- is everything okay?”

you snap out of your daze, “i- yeah, i’m fine. can we… not do this today, though? i’m sorry.”

“of course! that’s okay! do you… wanna talk about it?” he asks as he stands up, climbing back into bed next to you.

you sigh as he pulls you closer, holding you against his chest, “just feeling kinda icky? i’ve been feeling bad about domming for a few days, i guess i can’t hold it in anymore. can you, uhm, can you say nice things? about me?”

he tries to hold in the ‘you should have told me!’ speech that he can feel already coursing through his body because he can tell it’s not what you need nor want, “you’re the most amazing, baby, the most beautiful, the sweetest, the kindest, most loving, you’re my everything, y/n. i love you.”

“i love you too, bunny. thank you.”

lee minhyuk:

he seems like he’d be oblivious, but in fact he’s probably the most attentive to any changes in your mood whether they be sudden or gradual.

and in the moment, where that sudden “what the fuck am i doing?” realization hits you, he spots it immediately. it’s obvious in the shift from that intensely focused and amused look in your eyes to a much more nervous one. it’s obvious in the way you don’t continue your movements, both leaving him physically tense and frustrated but mentally worried out of his mind, “y/n,” he mumbles. not your title or honorific, but just your name.

“i- yeah? what is it, min?” you stutter, but the facade crumbles quickly.

“red,” he whispers like it’s a forbidden word, but it’s for your sake and not his, so there’s no hesitation in his words.

“oh fuck, i’m sorry, min, here let me-”

“wait! listen to me,” he stops you from getting off of him, pulling you close instead, “i’m fine. i’m okay and i feel good and i liked what you were doing. you’re okay, you’re not a monster, you’re not a bad person.”

you don’t ever need to tell him what’s going on in order for him to know exactly the words to say, “really? you’re- you’re okay? then why did you-”

“you needed the scene to stop,” he says, “how about you let me take care of us today? i can clean up, and we can lay in bed for a few hours and cuddle, alright?” you shake your head, trying once again to get off of time, but you should have known that once minhyuk has you in his arms, you’re not getting out, “y/n, sweetie, you always take care of me, and we’ve both failed to meet your needs this time. c’mon, let me at least try and help you feel better, please?”

yoo kihyun:

kihyun makes it a point that you both talk about your feelings constantly regarding the dynamic and before and after scenes, mostly because he had experienced a lot of sub drop over the course of your relationship when he kept trying to hide any bad feelings. so because he expects full honesty from himself, he expects the same from you.

all the bad feelings come to a head when you give in and decide to talk about them, “ki?” you murmur to him next to you, and he hums in response, “can you come here?”

he finally looks up, almost worried he had done something wrong before he sees the melancholic look on your face. he comes close to you, enough for you to pull him in, hold him with every fiber of your being, “honey, what’s wrong?”

you try to be straightforward and honest, just like how he tries to be, “i’ve been feeling bad since yesterday about what i said, about liking it when you cry.”

“are you worried about how i felt about it? or do you feel like a bad person because of it?”

you sigh, “kind of both.”

“first of all, i thought that it was incredibly hot in the moment, so don’t worry at all about that first bit,” he chuckles half-heartedly, holding you tightly against himself in return, “and secondly, you’re not a bad person for enjoying that. you knew i was consenting and we talked about everything beforehand. you didn’t do anything i didn’t want.”

“you’re sure?”

“i wouldn’t lie to you, y/n. i’m sure. now what can i do after a scene to help you feel good? obviously i might need more attention physically, but aftercare is for you too.”

chae hyungwon:

hyungwon is caring in his own little, quiet way. in the way he’ll take care of chores for you or press a kiss to your forehead even as you’re asleep when he leaves or in the way he’ll notice you’re having a bad day and silently ask to hug and hold you until you feel better. he’s quietly caring.

and it’s the same now. he’s silent unless you ask him to talk, holding you quietly as you both sit on the bed, “i’m sorry, wonnie.”

“don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong. just talk to me.”

“i’m so tired,” you groan, feeling his touch on your shoulder to keep you grounded, “i just feel so constantly paranoid that this isn’t what you want and i’m really just hurting you and you don’t actually want this, you’re just saying you do for my sake-”

“y/n,” he whispers, brining you attention back to him, “i have clear hard limits for a reason, and you’ve always respected them. i get that you’re trying to attentive to what i want, but i need you to trust and believe me. anything i let you do or ask you to do to me is something i want. you’re okay.”

“i’m okay, okay, just- just keep holding me. and- and keep reassuring me, please, i need to hear it,” you feel him adjust as you speak, lying down and pulling you to rest against his chest.

“of course, i’ll say those words until my lips are blue.”

lee jooheon:

he’s an angel, if a bit dense, that only wants the best for you both. so it takes him a moment to catch what’s going on, especially because he was incredibly needy for you but he can never stand to see you this messed up yet trying to keep it together.

“baby!” he calls out, hoping to catch your attention, but you’re too into your phone to look at him, “please, y/n, i’m so needy for you. i want to be all yours. so take me please, please don’t ignore me-”

“joo, please leave me be, i want to be alone,” you whisper, but your shaky voice worries him more than your words confuse and upset him.

“darling, talk to me, please,” he pleads, resting his head in your lap in order to make you look at him, “tell me what’s wrong.”

“i just- i feel bad, okay? i don’t want this right now,” you try to keep your voice still, but it’s in vain, “fuck, jooheon, i don’t want to do this right now, okay?”

“i wasn’t- i wasn’t pressuring you into doing anything! i’m just worried about you!”

“well i just- the idea of what… i normally do today, makes me feel icky, you know?” you feel him wrap his arms around you in a weird sort of cuddle position, “i’m sorry.”

he shakes his head cutely, and you run your fingers through his hair sweetly, “don’t be, let’s just lie here till you feel better. i love you, y/n, i love you so much.”

im changkyun/i.m:

in the moment he says the safeword, changkyun isn’t focused on you, and you’re not focused on you. you’re focused on taking care of him, getting him in a more comfortable position, and asking what happened. you’re not thinking about yourself as you comfort him and lull him to sleep, and you don’t think about yourself until long past he’s fallen asleep.

but then you do think about yourself. it’s so worrying to hear the word in the moment, but once the adrenaline wears off and all there is is the stifulling and suffocating fear of ever doing that again and the cruel shame that it even happened this one time is enough to wreck any chance of falling asleep together you might have.

you sit in the kitchen, drinking a cup of water, when a grumpy and tired changkyun walks out of the bedroom and clings to your back, “why are you out of bed?”

“i wasn’t feeling good, honey. go lie down, i’ll be back soon,” you murmur hushedly, but he doesn’t leave you be.

“please don’t feel bad about earlier. it wasn’t your fault that it was too much for me.”

“baby, it kind of is. i shouldn’t have pushed you that far, and now i just, i don’t feel good. i can't- i can’t sleep. i don’t even want to look at you because i’m too afraid to face it.”

“then don’t look at me, it’s dark anyway. just listen to my voice, let me try to soothe you, okay? we can talk about what happened and how it’ll be handled later on in the morning. for now, let’s go back to bed. do you want me to sing a little bit for you to lull you to sleep?”

—

taglist: @lovingonrepeat @neosincity @sub-hoshi-enthusiast @maknaeronix @multidreams-and-desires @foenixs @hobilluvvr @vanillaknj @yr-domxfantasies @treasure-hwa @fleurshopsub @rubyscloud9 @silencefavarchive @nct99 @bigkpopstan @monstaxdirtywonk @rosiethefairy and always feel free to ask to be added to/removed from the taglist <3

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lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks · 3 years

Note

Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?

Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this

aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life

now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect

there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from

for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details

eg;

Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration

Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line

it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am

his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is

his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body

I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it

Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious

sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have

Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic

this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'

that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with

so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally

I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next

another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly

my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole

I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with

I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️

#asks #autism #danny phantom #bitter #jack fenton #this shit be COMPLICATED y'all

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childishfluff · 4 years

Note

(im gonna be sending a few seperate asks since theyre seperate thoughts/ideas, sorry for any sort of inbox spam!!) ur pet regressor tommy fic led me into a whole wormhole of many different ideas.. esp abt who else is a pet regressor!!

- wilbur (cat regressor!! also very relaxed, he *will* just sleep on phil or techno's lap for hours on end. mostly nonverbal, but will meow every now nd again. mostly communicates through actions. he can purr. doesn't drop often, but when he does, it's due to extreme stress- meaning he can be pretty sensitive while he's in catspace.)

- tubbo (puppy regressor, but definitely more of a relaxed dog aside from the amnt he communicates, especially through barking, whimpering, and soft "awooo!!"'s. loves snuggles. sometimes, he's scared to come of as annoying, so he's hesitant to slip into pupspace, normally needing someone to help him along and tell him that it's ok for him to be a puppy, nd that he's a very very good boy.)

- karl (kitten regressor!!!! he's either really sleepy or really playful/energetic, and he has no in between on that. he meows.. so much.. all he kno is meow meow!! *very* sensitive while dropped, and as such, he needs a lot of validation and love. will get extremely upset with himself if he notices that anyone is even *slightly* mad/irritated by him.)

- nick (sapnap) (PUPPY REGRESSOR 100000%!!! he's very very loud and extremely playful!!! he can be entertained for *hours* w literally anything, especially toys like chew bones. doesn't really drop too often, but when he does, he drops very very far. something that can trigger his drops is when people compare his traits/actions to those of a dog because he just goes yes!! yes me!!!! dog!!! me!!!! also he loves karl *so* much because karl absolutely spoils him rotten when he's in pupspace.)

- ranboo (kitty regressor!! similar to karl, he can be really sensitive while he's dropped. entirely nonverbal, opting for actions instead. he's a mix of both playful and sleepy. when he sleeps, he curls his entire body up into a circle nd kneads at whatever he's sleeping on until he falls asleep.)

- dream (cat regressor!! sleeps a lot when he's dropped, hes just vv tired. mimics patches, and loves to follow her around/act like she does. even bases his catgear around patches, with tabby-colored cat ears and an outfit based off of similar colors. drops very easily, mostly voluntarily.)

those r the ones i can think of now.. id love to know ypur opinions/interpretations of them!! -🌻

OKAY I’M GONNA GO THROUGH THESE ONE BY ONE, AND SHARE MY THOUGHTS+OTHER POSSIBLE HCS/FIC SCENARIOS, SO LONG POST WARNING Y’ALL

1. Cat Regressor! Wilbur

yes yes yes, I wouldn’t of thought of it myself but the idea is absolutely adorable! I’d totally write that, with like handler/cg!niki in addition to those you listed. And the idea of him using it for stress and therefore being sensitive in catspace? like, that’s amazing.

I could imagine a fic where someone pushes him to regress for fun for once, but he feels like it’s stupid to purposely act like a cat when he doesn’t need it? They don’t pressure him, or anything, but he ends up slipping because he feels safe. and he realizes not only does it help with stress, but it just makes him more happy!

also imagine him slipping around tommy for whatever reason, and just wanting to sleep while Tommy’s trying to do something fun. So he’s dragging around a sleepy kitten and waking him up every two seconds, and it’s really soft and adorable and ends up with Wilbur sleeping somewhat on Tommy so that he can’t get up and he’s like ‘you’re so lucky I love you, dude.’ awww I need to write a fic- no promises but y’know

2.Puppy Regressor!Tubbo

someone actually requested a puppy regressors!tubbo and tommy fic that I’m having trouble writing, like it sounds cute but it’s kinda hard bc I’ve never written puppyspace before. I actually decided to start over but I’ma keep trying on that.

anyways, imagine like, Ranboo or Tommy helping him slip over a discord call! Needing help to regress is something that I understand (I age regress, but I haven’t in a while due to this issue), so I could probably write Tubbo in that position well. Needing to be coaxed and told that it’s okay to be a cute lil puppy, like that’s adorable!

3. Kitten Regressor!Karl

tbh I tried to write kitten!karl but I was half asleep and gave up, I need to get back to that hjsiksja. Like I specialize in writing sensitive regressors w/anxiety over someone being mad at them, so I could definitely pull this off.

and the idea of him being a talkative kitty is sooo cute! Like I can imagine something along the lines of this conversation between him and a handler/cg:

“What do you want?”

“Meowww”

“I don’t know what that means!”

“Meow?” (little head tilt and innocent cute eyes)

“Do you want cuddles?”

*excited meows! and he goes and cuddles up in their lap bc yay, they understood him!*

and imagine kitten!karl playing w/Quackity! very very adorable concept

4. Puppy Regressor! Sapnap

okay okay so I don’t watch sapnap really but this is still adorable! Like the whole ‘me, puppy? yes.’ thing is soooo cute! Imagine George or Dream just forgetting that’s a trigger and making a joke about how one of his mannerisms reminds them of a puppy and suddenly! There’s a puppy to take care of!

and karl spoiling him sounds like something he’d do hjsiksjsa. I can’t really add much on here bc idk much about him/his content past the smp but this is so cute! Maybe I’ll watch a few of his videos and attempt writing him bc I keep getting requests for him

5. Kitten Regressor! Ranboo

yes, I was already thinking about this tbh! Like I’ve written him as a little and it’s kinda similar, he’s sensitive, and he’s less verbal the littler he gets. As a kitten, I can easily picture him just being quiet.

I imagine that he’s really pouty because of this, because he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise, so this might confuse anyone who may take care of him.

“Why are you pouting? Do you want cuddles? Food? Do you wanna play?”

and he just doesn’t reply bc he’s a kitten and he can’t talk so it’s an endless cycle of guess and check until they reach the right answer, and it’s really funny to watch. I can also imagine that he giggles a lot. Like he’s not verbal or anything, and he doesn’t giggle a lot but sometimes it happens! and if you make him giggle while in kittenspace then you did something right!

it makes everyone happy when he giggles and it’s really soft and cute! I definitely think I’ll write a fic with kitten!ranboo in it, at some point eventually, I think!

6. Cat Regressor! Dream

awwwww- I didn’t even consider the possibility of this but awwww. Imagine Wilbur and Dream in catspace together, just sleeping and cuddling while basically all the other kittens are playing and being hyper. And everyone’s trying to get them to play but they’re sleepy! (ofc they end up playing anyways bc their friends are adorable and convincing but y’know)

and I really like the idea of him mimicking patches! I’ve seen a few pet regresors say that they mimick/copy their pets so it kinda feels realistic and likely! and plus, it’s really cute.

and since his regression is voluntary, I can imagine him like one minute, just chillin w/george and sapnap and going ‘what if- what if I just went *cat mode*’ and he tries to hint to his friends that he wants to slip but they’re not getting it so it’s kinda frustrating for him but funny for the readers to see play out bc George and Sapnap are being completely oblivious to everything. Hjsiksja that’d be funny

Thank you for sending this it, like seriously! It was really fun to go through and talk about these, I might make additional headcannon lists once I’m actually awake tomorrow bc I shouldn’t be up rn but yeah, I just wanted to go through and respond to this! <3

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taesbetch · 4 years

Text

Den Of Hybrids | 05

Pairing: BTS x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Taking care of six hybrids can be a pain in the ass but when a stray needs y/ns help, y/n brings him home to his new family. Follow Y/n as she tries to help Taehyung (The new hybrid in town) fit in and continue to keep the other six alive along with other troubles that life brings.

Word Count: 2k

You stood at the back of your parked car, hands folded over your chest as you tried to contain your boiling anger. The park you were at was one the family used to visit a lot when you were younger. Those memories seemed so pure and happy, did you miss something? was your child mind completely oblivious to the misery that was your bloodline?

The sun was setting and time continued to tick by as both you and Hyuna awaited the arrival of the devil herself.

Finally, A black vehicle drove towards your area. As the car drove past you, you could almost feel the eyes of relieved hybrids. Your heart stopped as the car parked itself several parks away from yours. Turning towards it you prayed that the injuries weren't as bad as the pictures...but your prayers were ignored.

As the seven boys walked out the car one by one guarded by her henchmen, Your eyes watered. Namjoon limped as he held his right arm tightly, wincing with every breath. Jin clutched his shoulder, his left cheek bruised badly and his right eye still dark and battered. Jungkook walked with his ears hung low, his small cut healing. Jimin followed with what looked like a fresh slap wound and a small limp, pulling the weight off his foot. Taehyung followed closely behind jimin, looking the least emotionally traumatised and the least beaten with only a bruise on his forearm. Yoongi was next shoved out, carrying a heavy scowl on his face and multiple bruises on his arms and legs. Then, Hoseok walked, looking at you with big hopeful eyes he swallowed pain as he walked.

you wiped away a tear as you walked up to them, stopping about two car parks away as May raised her hand.

“Are you guys okay?!” You asked desperately as your voice cracked.

Each of them opened their mouths to answer but May spoke first.

“Wheres the money?” She spat.

You narrowed your eyes at her before pulling an envelope out of your pocket.

“I've got it. Now, give me back the boys” You spoke strongly, clearly over her shit. A small smirk found itself on her face. She nodded to her two henchmen. They stepped back letting the hybrids hesitantly shuffle towards you.

“It's okay, you're okay now” You urged. Jimin bit his lip as his eyes quickly spewed tears. Running over to you with a wail he was the first to embrace you. soon, all the boys had run over, participating in a massive group hug, you quickly wiped away jungkooks tears as hoseok squeezed your hand. It had felt like a whole eternity that they had been away. But now they were back. It was time to finish May off.

“Here,” You said as you broke free of your hybrids hold to pass her the envelope. The seven boys watched curiously as they noticed your demoneour change and hyuna quickly typed away on her phone.

Opening the envelope with an expectation of cheques, mays smirk quickly dropped.

“what's this?” She asked raising an eyebrow.

“It's your warning. I'm charging you for assault and blackmail...oh, actually. What else was there hyuna?” You asked cheekily as you looked back at your friend.

“Oh, I believe it was - Blackmart hybrid fighting, illegal work hours and payments, Tax evasion and hmm what else of yeah! scamming money from the rich! sounds oddly familiar” Hyuna explained.

You looked back to May and sighed heavily.

“You have NO proof of this” she scoffed as she folded her arms defensively.

“Oh, but i do. Ya know, You could've just asked. I probably would've said yes. I wanted your love and approval THAT badly i would've handed over 7 million with no hesitation. I just wanted my family around. And because of that my real family ended up getting hurt.” You stated, your voice strong and passionate but full of hurt.

“y/n, I'm all you have. You cant do this to me” She said, whimpering slightly as she saw the fire in your eyes.

“But i can, And i will. Because you've crossed a line aunt May” You said nonchalantly as sirens chimed in the background, getting closer and closer.

“You're going to regret this y/n, Trust me when i say this” SHe sneered as her two henchmen start backing away, ready to make a run for it.

“I’ll never trust anything that comes out of your mouth ever again”

You turned to walk away but swivel back around as the police cars start turning into the parking lot.

“Oh and one more thing... I hope you rot in hell”

Spinning around towards your car you walked quickly, ignoring her yells and her pleas, with the boys following closely you watched happily as the cops nodded at you, reassuring you that everything would be handled on their end. Right now, Aunt May was dead to you.

----

“Okay, but are you sure?” You asked nervously as you stood at hoseoks door watching him dry his hair with a towel, clean clothes on his body.

“Y/n, I swear I'm okay. I just need some sleep honestly” He replied, his usual sunshine smile displayed on his face. You pouted at him as he sat himself down on his bed.

“Okay...but ill be checking on you in the morning” You replied. He smiled at you as you slowly closed the door, your eyes glued on him just in case.

You sighed as the door clicked shut, but your moment was quickly interrupted as taehyung walked around the corner. As you opened your mouth to continue your obsessive checking he cupped your face with his hands.

“Yes I'm okay, No I'm not mad at you, No I'm not upset that this was my first week in this household” He answered before giving you a tight squeeze.

“And don't worry, I will comfort jimin until you come to check on him” he added before walking off, his hands tucked in his pockets. You stood shocked for a second at how well he was handling everything. He seemed a little different to when he first arrived at the house, though he still seemed like a doe-eyed child, something had shifted and you weren't sure what..

Thinking of doe-eyed children you noticed how quiet it was. Jungkook.

Rushing upstairs you noticed that yoongis door was locked shut and took a mental note to check on him straight after. As you entered jungkooks room you noticed how he had rearranged his furniture.

“Kookie? You okay?” You asked as you nervously watch him throw clothes on the ground.

“Oh hey, y/n! Yeah, I'm fine” He replies. Not giving you a single glance. You walked closer, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Kookie” You said softly as he stopped.

“I'm fine, really. Namjoon and jin were the ones who took the most of it. especially in place of us...I just...I just think its time for me i change a little bit. To grow ya know?” He said.

You smiled softly at him.

“Well okay then, positive growth is never bad, just...tell me if you're not okay, alright?” You said. He smiled at you and nodded softly, returning back to what he was doing.

You bit your lip before walking out, heading to yoongis room. Placing an ear on his door you heard the shower running.

Your eyebrows furrowed but you shrugged it off. This wasn't his usual showering time but then again, he did just got through something rather traumatic. You walked to Jimin's room but the sound of two people snoring froze you in your spot.

A smile graced your face and for the first time in a minute, you felt calm. It was nice to know that the two boys had found peace with each other. Walking all the way downstairs you made your way to namjoons room, for some reason you weren't as concerned with your older hybrid before, but jungkooks words made your heart drop with worry.

“Namjoon?” You called softly as you slowly opened the door. Sobs filled the room. At the sight of you, namjoon shifted his body to face a wall, hiding away from you.

“Namjoon” You whispered as you closed the door, your heartbreaking a little. You rushed to his side letting him cry in your arms.

“You asked me to take care of everyone and i couldn't, i failed” He sobbed. Your heart broke even further as you realised the stress and pressure you had accidentally placed on your hybrid.

“Oh namjoon no, you didn't fail. You did your best! and jungkook told me all about how you and jin took the brunt of it all. God im so sorry, This is not your fault at all! AT ALL! I'm so sorry i put that pressure on you” You stated, a few tears falling out of your eyes.

“You did everything right namjoon. Grandma would be so proud of how you handled it” You added as you stroked his hair.

“I felt so..useless” He whimpered. You kissed his forehead softly before shaking your head.

“No. Don't ever think that about yourself. I need you here, things wouldn't work smoothly without you, i don't know how id manage this estate without you or the other hybrids....This was my mistake okay? don't be so hard on yourself I'm the one that fucked up...” You stated.

Namjoon took a deep breath before looking at you. His eyes blood red.

“I promise ill be better,” He said as he took your hand in his.

“That's not possible namjoon, You’re already the best”

----

You dragged you feet towards your own room, hoping jin would be in there - ready for bed.

As you entered your room you stood at the doorway and stared at jins back. Your mind floated to when you first got jin. Back then it was only him and namjoon. You were still figuring out so many things and there jin was, always supporting and looking out for you.

As he turned around you were reminded of the pain he had enured as the bruises and black eye called for attention.

“there you are! You ready for bed?” He asked with his bright smile.

You pouted as you tried to contain your emotions but couldn't stop yourself. Bursting into tears you ran to jin and engulfed him in a hug.

“I'm so sorry! I'm really so sorry!” You sob.

He laughs as he wraps his arms around you.

“Its okay y/n. Look! I'm back now! were all back and were going to be okay! Sure that was a shitty experience but were going to be alright” He said as he rubbed your back.

“God damnit i should be the one, comforting you” You sighed as you pulled away from him and wiped your eyes, the tears refusing to stop.

“Have you done your rounds? Check on everyone first then you can come and listen to me sob” He smiled ruffling your hair. You laugh before doing a mental checklist...Yoongi.

“I'll be back”

Odd. The shower was still running. You knocked harshly just in case he couldn't hear, but there was no answer or call...nothing.

“I'm coming in yoongi I'm worried!” you said before using your master key to unlock his door. peaking your head in you noticed that only one little lamplight had been turned on and the window was fully opened. A fully opened window was never yoongis style.

you walked to his second level but still...

Empty.

You walked over to the bathroom noticing the door was open and yet, nothing. Just an empty shower. Turning off the water you looked around his room once more even checking to see if clothes were missing, or certain items...but nothing...

Your heart drops in your stomach as worry starts to consume you. As you hold yourself to protect your skin from the sudden breeze passing through the room you let the silence further feed your growing fear.

“Yoongi?”

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troop-scoop · 4 years

Text

Mistakes & Regrets XXIII

Summary: When a trip to your Dad’s hometown of Hawkins goes wrong, you end up in the year 1983, and have to learn how to cope with being stuck in the past.

Pairing: Steve Harrington / Future!Reader (like, a really slow burn)

Warnings: Swearing, violence, blood, fluff and angst :) (Im so sorry in advance)

• • •

November 5th 1984

It was a cold November morning. Two days after everything. A Monday. It felt weird to go back to what the new normal had become. Waking up alone in an apartment, getting ready and then making your way to the only coffee shop in town, before going to school.

When you and Steve had been dropped off at your apartment you’d found it in disarray. With furniture moved, and Poloroid film cartridges tossed about, empty.

You didn’t bother to clean it that night, just taking a shower and falling asleep. You drove Steve to where his car was by the abandoned tracks yesterday. His bruises healing and his cuts still bandaged, but now with bandaids that didn’t come from Lucas’ bag, that were from his nine year old sister.

Parking your car, you leaned back into your seat. Jonathan’s words were on repeat in your head. And had been since you dropped Steve off.

‘You’re both oblivious.’

Was he right? You didn’t quite know. But the more you thought about it, the more likely it seemed.

Grabbing your coffee and the pastry bag you got out of the car, closing the door and locking it. You didn’t even want to be here, you wanted to be cleaning your apartment and listening to music. The apartment did need cleaning after all. But you made your way to the front entrance to the school.

“Hey!”

Looking to your right you saw Steve jogging to catch up to you, his bruises now more purple and yellow in color than the bright screaming red they were before.

Smiling a bit you stopped for him. “What’s up? You doing okay?” You asked.

When he caught up, the two of you began walking together.

“I think I should be asking you that.”

Furrowing your brows you looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

Even though the bruising and cuts affected how he expressed his emotions through his face, you could tell he thought you were playing dumb.

“Oh. . . the tunnels?”

He nodded a bit, taking the pastry bag from you and pulling out the sandwich you often bought for him, leaving your muffin.

“I’m fine.” You responded, a white lie, but it wasn’t like you hadn’t lied to him before, but every white lie or half truth you gave him hurt you a little more.

Steve looked unconvinced but said nothing. There was a sense of awkwardness between the two of you as you continued into the school. You didn’t know if it was because he knew you lied, or because of something else.

The hallway was crowded, with students trying to make their way to their lockers, with plenty of them getting in the way and bumping shoulders with you.

You looked up from the linoleum floor, seeing Tommy, Carol and Billy all at another girl’s locker. Billy had a bit of bruising on his face, but not much. Glaring at him, you turned your attention away.

“You should smile more, L/n. You’d be prettier.”

The comment made you clench your jaw, as you continued down the hall, “Ignore him.” Steve grumbled . And you did, for approximately 10 seconds before you heard Billy say something else.

“It’s always the girls with daddy issues.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, clutching your coffee and the bag that held your muffin. You’d gotten plenty of comments on how’d been raised when you were a kid, plenty of comments about your fathers. But that? That was too far.

“What did you say?” You demanded, turning to face the group, seeing Tommy and Carol looking amused while the other girl had a snide look on her face.

“You heard me, princess.”

You walked to a locker, placing your coffee and muffin on top of the metal, and slipping off your bag, leaving it on the floor. Steve attempted to grab you, but didn’t react in time as you walked to Billy, fists clenched before you stopped a foot away from him, chin up as you stared up at him. People were staring now.

“Hargrove-” Steve had walked over, ready to deescalate the situation. It wasn’t really a thing he wanted to see happen at 7:30 in the morning.

“Steve, I’ve got this.” You told him, and with that, he took a step back. “Say it again, Hargrove, I fucking dare you.”

Billy only looked more amused at that, and turned his head to Tommy. “You see this?” He turned back to you and smirked. “It’s always the girls with daddy issues.” He repeated.

That was all it took, within a second you’d laid a punch to his face, the back of his head slamming against a locker.

“Holy shit!”

The clamoring of voices began as you grabbed the collar of Billy’s jean jacket and held him against the locker. “I’m not your fucking princess. And you don’t know shit about me.” You told him. He seemed confused for a moment at how you had a grip on him, and everyone else was telling you to let him go, no one wanting to get involved. Everyone knew not to get involved when two girls fought. But what did you do when a girl and boy were fighting. “You don’t get to say shit.”

He pushed you away and when he did you reached up and grabbed a fistful of his permed hair, pulling him along with you.

“Y/n! Stop!”

“Oh, my God.”

You threw Billy to the ground. You’d been in fights before, but it had been awhile. The last ‘fight’ you just initiated by hitting Steve, but you didn’t finish it.

Billy got back onto his feet, wiping his lip and catching a drop of blood on the pad of his thumb. “Hit me, bitch. Fucking hit me!” You yelled at him. “Or do you just reserve that for your sister and little boys?”

He was angry now and took large strides over to you, trying to swing but you swerved out of the way, shoving his shoulder and letting him hit the locker.

Still no one knew what to do. How often did you see a girl beating a guy in a fight in a conservative state in the 80’s? Never, if ever.

He recovered quickly and pushed you so harshly you hit the locker across from the one he’s hit. And you could feel the sharp edge of the vent hit your forehead. It was a hot pain, and very familiar. You knew that you had a cut on your head.

Turning to look at him your turned your neck to pop it, and in the process, popped your knuckles as well. “Y/n, you need to stop-” Before Steve could finish his sentence you began approaching Billy again, only to have someone come behind you and lift you up, trying to drag you away.

Lifting your feet into the air and using whoever was trying to drag you away from the situation as leverage you began to kick at the older boy, getting him in the thigh before whoever it was, lost their balance and fell with their back against a locker. And when you landed between their legs, with your back against their chest, You could tell it was Steve, who’d seen enough when he’d seen the single drop of blood beginning to form on your head when you hit the locker.

He knew to get it to stop he had to get you first.

“You’re just a good for nothing redneck!” You shouted, struggling against Steve’s grip that was almost like a vice. “Let me at him! I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

Before Billy could even approach the two of you, Tommy had stopped him. “Dude, don’t lose to a girl.”

“A girl? Motherfucker my cock is bigger than yours!” You hadn’t gone completely batshit in a long time. Since middle school. And you used to give off ‘crazy bitch’ vibes. And you were sure that’s what was happening.

“Jesus-”

“I will peg your Jesus!”

“Y/n? What the hell?” Nancy asked, pushing past the front line of students who had surrounded you guys, and soon after was Jonathan, who had wide eyes upon seeing you struggle against Steve’s grip

“He’s a cunt!” You shouted, directing it to Billy who just stood, taking deep breaths and very clearly upset and full of anger. In a split second of sudden anger he turned and punched a dent into the locker behind him.

“Aw, big strong man! Just has to prove how big and strong he is by punching things and threatening children!” You said in a condescending voice. “Get some fucking therapy, douchbag!”

You stopped struggling when the principal broke through the line of students as well, seeing the three of you in the center. His eyes landing on you and Steve, before going to Billy.

“What happened here?”

“He said I have daddy issues.”

• • •

“never, and I mean never, let anybody push you around.”

Your dad wasn’t a fool. You’d known that your entire life. You’d known he was clever since you knew what the word meant. He and Pa both were. So you always listened to what they had to say, no matter how much you didn’t want to.

And when you dad said that to you after you hit that fifth grader in second grade, you repeated those words in your head whenever in an administrative office.

But while you were calm and sitting with your arms crossed, glaring at Billy through the opened Nurse’s office door, Steve was sitting next to you, bouncing his knee out of nervousness. Reaching out you placed your hand on his knee to stop the bouncing, and reluctantly, he stopped.

A few more moments of silence followed, before you could see his shoulder shaking. Looking over at him, he was quietly laughing to himself, covering his mouth so he didn’t get any looks from the staff.

“What?”

Steve didn’t answer, instead burying his face in his hands and leaning forward, continuing to laugh for seemingly no reason.

“Are you high?”

He looked at you with a bright smile before asking. “Did you really tell Tommy that you had a bigger dick than him?” It was quiet enough to make sure none of the secretaries or counselors heard his, making sure that they didn’t chastise his language.

A smile came to your face, half in disbelief and the other in true amusement. Because out of everything that happened in the last week, he was laughing. He was smiling and laughing over something you’d said.

“I said cock, but yeah.”

Steve audibly laughed which only triggered you to start laughing as well. Earning a few shushes from the secretaries, but that only made you laugh harder.

“You’re unbelievable.” Steve chuckled, his laughter dying down as he leaned back in his seat. Both of you settling down to just smiles on your faces. “You’re unbelievable, and a dumbass.” He added, leaning to the side a bit to nudge your shoulder with his.

“I’m your favorite dumbass though.”

December 2nd 1984

“They stopped sending checks since they shut down, and I don’t think I dip into my savings for rent every month, I already spent enough trying to get the car repaired.” You spoke, wiping down the counters in your kitchen.

“Did you try to calling them?” Nancy suggested, with Jonathan drinking a glass of water on the other side of the kitchen.

“”Oh right, cause a shut down lab is gonna have people ready to answer the phones.” You grumbled, putting the the rag under the sink with the bleach you’d used

“And you didn’t renew your lease?” Nancy questioned as you leaned against the counter, running a hand through your hair in contemplation.

“Nancy, why in god’s name would I renew my lease if I won’t be able to pay my rent in a few months? Hm? Riddle me that, detective.” You were being rude, and you knew it. It’d been like that for awhile and you couldn’t put your finger on exactly why.

Jonathan sighed a bit. “I could talk my mom, I’m sure she’d let you move in with us.” He offered.

“No, you guys are already cramped in that house, I’m not gonna add to it.” You told him, shaking your head.

Shaking his head, Jonatan put his glass of water down and turned his attention to just you. “Think about it, all the Byers, under one roof, mom is always asking to update her on you. If you moved in, it would ease her anxiety about you living on the other side of town, plus whenever you can’t sleep at least you won’t be home alone.”

Jonathan had good points. Except by ‘can’t sleep’ he meant you would wake up at random points in the night with a gut wrenching feeling. Like something was about to happen to you. And you hated being home alone when it happened.

“Okay, I guess.”

December 14th 1984

Grabbing a box from the backseat of Steve’s car, you moved to the front of the house. You barely had anything to begin with, it wasn’t hard to get your valuables in boxes and get them into Steve’s car to go to the Byers home.

You were thankful that Steve was even willing to drive you there and help you get boxes inside. It wasn’t much, but it meant a lot.

But you assumed one of the only reasons he agreed to actually get boxes inside was because Jonathan was at work. Meaning he didn’t have to see him again. They were on good terms, but still didn’t like to talk.

“Mom, who’s room is she going to be staying in?” Will asked as you set the box down on the coffee table.

“We have that one empty room, That’s her room now.” Joyce told him, picking up the polaroid from one of the boxes and looking at it with a small smile, remembering whatever memory it was in which Bob told Jonathan and Will to give it to you as a gift.

Going back outside you grabbed the last box, turning back to the front door to see Steve leaning against the frame, staring at you with an absentminded smile.

Smiling back, you closed the door to his car, walking back to the house and handing the box off to him. “Can you put this in the hallway?” You asked. He nodded and took it inside.

It was going to be odd living with other people again. You hadn’t done that in over a year, and were still hesitant to even take a look at the empty room she talked about putting you in. It was the smallest room in the house but that wasn’t too big of a deal. You barely took up much space in the apartment.

Hearing a car on the road, you turned as saw Hopper’s vehicle approaching the house. When he got close enough he stopped and got out.

“Hey, Chief. “ You greeted him as he walked over, holding an envelope.

“Hey, kid. Where’s Joyce?”

“Inside.” You shrugged, going inside yourself as he followed after. Making your way over to the bedroom you grabbed your backpack and one of the boxes.

Much to your surprise, there was a bed in the room, and a nightstand, and a dresser. “Wow.” You muttered.

Steve looked to you while he sorted a few of your things out in the box he’d taken to the room when you first got there. Most of it cosmetic or hair care products.

“What?” He questioned, setting a makeup bag down on the wooden dresser, while you dropped your bag off at the end of the bed and set the box you had on top of the dresser as well.

“Nothing.” You muttered quietly. “Just been awhile since I’ve lived in the same house as an adult.” You joked lightly, taking out a few of your text books and putting on the dresser.

He looked down a bit and nodded, staying quiet. “Why’d you say that you and Jonathan were family?”

Looking up at him, you saw him already staring at you. His eyes seemed more than curious. Almost as if confused. Maybe hurt? You couldn’t pinpoint it. But it plucked at your feelings seeing him look at you like that.

“He’s like family.” You lied. You’d become quite good at it, compared to a year ago. You used to be the worst liar in the world. You dad could tell when you were thinking of a lie to a question that hadn’t even been asked yet. But that could have been because he was your dad. Because he’d seen every moment of your life. “He’s like a brother.”

Steve’s face shifted a bit, like he knew you weren’t quite telling the truth, but deciding to believe it. Like he didn’t really want to know the truth. Grabbing onto his arm you smiled a bit. “You’re still my best friend, even if I’m living with the Byers.”

You smiled at each other for awhile before hearing Joyce call for you. “Guess that means I should probably go.” He told you.

“Probably.” You agreed quietly, watching as he left the room before you, leaving you in silence, with boxes and the faint smell of his cologne hanging a bit in the air. You wanted to reach out and keep him from going. But something inside told you not to. That you couldn’t.

Leaving the room a moment later you saw Joyce and Hopper standing in the dining room, with Joyce looking over whatever had been in the envelope that Hopper had brought to her.

“Hey.”

Joyce turned her head and smiled at you, holding out the paper for you to take. Reaching out you grabbed the paper. You noticed the words ‘State of Indiana’ at the top. Looking further down you saw ‘Birth Certificate’

Sparing the two a suspicious and unknowing glance you read more, looking at the first field that had been filled out.

Full name of child: Y/n L/n Byers

Y/n Byers. That was you. That was your name, on an official document, for the first time in a long time.

You saw your birthday, followed by the year 1968, the year everyone thought you were born in already. “Byers?” You asked, looking up at them. Hopper nodded with a soft smile, and Joyce had an excited look.

“He got Owens to pull some strings. Legally. . . You’re now my daughter.”

“You adopted me?” You questioned, tilting your head a bit in confusion.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Only Jonathan knows. We’re not gonna tell Will.”

December 31st 1984

This was a terrible idea, you were both very aware of that around 7 pm when Steve picked you up from the house. But now that it was 11pm, with music blasting throughout the entire building your frontal lobe was failing you.

You’d downed a few drinks and were practically using Steve as balance like you had the year before. Your head was against his chest, and your arms around his torso while he continued to drink from his cup.

You were aware that there were drugs being passed around, you could smell the weed from where you were, and you’d seen the band that had played downtown in the corner doing something. Psychedelics maybe. How Steve heard about a party in Detroit, you didn’t know. But you’d known that the moment he parked you were excited.

Steve had a firm hand on your back, helping to keep you steady. It was comforting, both because it felt like you were being held, and because you knew you weren’t going to fall.

“You’re okay, right?” He asked, leaning his head down. A strand of his hair falling in front of your face.

Nodding you hummed, reaching down and taking his drink from him, taking a sip from his cup. It tasted like beer. It probably was. “Hey, that’s mine-”

“Ours.” You corrected. “We’re best friends, there are no boundaries.” You explained loosely, leaning your head against his chest again. You couldn’t tell in the vibration that came from his ribs, was from the music or his laughter. The music was too loud.

A few minutes passed and someone handed Steve something, their muffled voice telling him what it was. Cautiously, Steve took it from him. Looking from the cup to the man in front of you, you took the lighter before Steve could.

He walked away and you looked up at Steve. You weren’t in the right mindset, and when you saw the unlit blunt between his lips you didn’t hesitate to light it for him.

You would have scolded him in any other moment. You would have taken it from him and threw it out. You were raised right, and knew that, your parents tried hard to make sure you would one day go out into the world and not be stupid. But they weren’t preparing for that to happen at age fifteen. They weren’t prepared that you'd be an almost seventeen year old who Joyce had little rules for in the 1980’s where Reagan had strict laws against drugs, which only seemed to make it more desirable. And while normally you’d know that being around drugs and beer wasn’t a good idea, you couldn’t bring yourself to care much. A lot like the year before.

Steve smiled down at you for a moment, the smoke from his exhale coming from the corner of his mouth and nostrils. Your vision becomes a bit foggy until it dissipates, with the only smoke coming from the tip of the blunt.

He pulled the joint from between his lips, holding it between his index and middle finger. “You know you can get second hand high from this?” He pointed out. Even his tipsy brain was able to process that better than you.

Shrugging you put the red cup down on the windowsill you were both next to, reaching for his wrist and turning it so the non burning end was facing you. You leaned the few centimeters towards the blunt and breathed in.

It felt odd, like it was some sort of forbidden act you shouldn’t be doing, and you felt like your throat was on a fire the moment you breathed it in.

Pulling away you allowed the white smoke to spill out from your mouth, the first thing coming to your mind was a dragon, or incense, but you still approached it far more cautiously than Steve had. He’d no doubt done it before with how nonchalant he’d been about taking it from whoever decided to give it to him.

Steve stared at you for a moment, still holding it in the way you’d positioned his wrist. You couldn’t quite tell what the look was. His brows were raised in surprise, but his eyes were what hard to define, his mouth agape in shock.

Why were his emotions almost always hidden behind his eyes? Like a prison cell he’d built for them himself.

Turning his hand back around he took a hit from the blunt as well, still holding eye contact with you, as if it were a casual staring contest, but neither one of you cared if the other blinked.

Turning his head to exhale you took it from him, repeating the process. Everything felt weird. The music sounded better to you, and the feeling wasn’t as odd.

“What time is it?” He leaned down to ask you as the song died down taking the blunt back from you, as the person in charge of the boombox went over to change the cassette.

“You’re the one with the watch.” You giggled, but opting to look at the nice clock the homeowner had on the wall, attempting to count the lines in the clock to tell the time. “Like. . . almost 12?” You said as more of a question, looking back as him, your faces just inches apart with how he had leaned down.

A new song came on, and he smiled down at you, “You want the last hit?”

“Why does it have to be the last one?”

“Wendy’s tastes better when you're high.” He shrugged a bit, holding the blunt out to you. Taking it from him, you took the longest hit from it you had the last two times and breathed out. But neither one of you moved, staying with an arm wrapped around the other. His free hand on your hip, thumb hooked on the tiny pocket that was inside the larger one.

You couldn’t hear what he said over the new song, but you were pretty sure it was “Fuck” or some other swear word that would get you in trouble in public in Hawkins from some adult you passed.

He was close to you. Almost unbearably close. You could make out the smell of beer on his breath as well as weed and the possible smell of cigarettes. Your chests were basically against each other, not that they weren’t before, when he was one of the only things keeping you up. But this was different. His breathing seemed restricted, and you could feel his heart beating against your own chest.

But out of everything around you, the smells overload your senses, the feeling of being relaxed and yet also wanting to laugh at something were completely pushed to the side when you realized that he was looking at you, and only you.

He had pretty eyes, even if he would argue and say brown eyes weren’t pretty on guys. But they were.

“What?”

He shook his head a bit, the hand he’d had on your hip coming up to your face and going to hold the back of your neck, with his thumb against the curve in your jaw that led up to your ear.

“Nothing.” He breathed. You could hear the music get turned down and the group of strangers clamoring voices around you as the volume of the TV was turned up. “What are we doing?” He asked you quietly, the hand that was on your back now on your hip.

You shrugged a bit, putting the blunt out on the ashtray on the windowsill, and letting your two hands come up to hold his jaw in your hands. He relaxed at your touch, his breath fanning over your face for a moment as the two of you looked at each other, neither pulling away.

Almost on instinct, one of your arms went to hook behind his neck and pull him a bit further down, and his own instinct pulled you closer to him, forcing you on your tiptoes.

He was the one to act first, leaning in and not moving, his lips almost against yours, almost asking for permission. But you were the last one to move, cupping his cheek and tilting your head a bit to the right. “Steve,”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

Steve didn’t seem to hesitate even for a second, moving that last little bit of space that the two of you wanted gone the moment it’d become that small.

He was gentle, and his lips were soft, making you not want to move away from him. And although you were high and drunk, and exhausted from the lack of sleep, you could feel it an odd feeling you could only explain as butterflies.

You’d been feeling them a lot lately. Since thanksgiving break when he gave you that stupid brownie with powdered sugar on top. You’d been feeling them building since Jonathan told you it was obvious.

Your lips moved against his, with your eyes closed, and even with the noise and filters over your brain making everything hazy, it felt right, like this was meant to happen, like this was the only thing you hadn’t messed up on that night.

Not that you’d remember it by morning. But Steve would.

He’d remember the way you still smelled like your perfume, and how your fingertips were in his hair, how he hadn’t actually expected you to say those two words. How he thought he was just high and imagining things, but he couldn’t make up the way he could feel your heartbeat against his palm on the side of your neck.

He wouldn’t forget that the moment he’d moved his lips against yours, it felt like everything fell into place. Like everything in the last year since he got involved with the Upside Down, that something good came from it.

It was the clearest memory he had from that night.

• • •

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justwritethatdown · 4 years

Text

Bechloe Week 2020 – Day3: Drunk Texts

We were bound to be together

An au where Beca didn't get together with Jesse and that allowed her relationship with Chloe to grow.

The way Pitch Perfect 1 should have gone ;)

Set during Beca’s first two years at Barden; everything goes as it should, nothing angsty happens and everyone is happy. Just a sloppy falling-in-love story between two college girls, told through their drunk texts, kind of...

Rating: T

Words Count: 2.5K

Thanks to @viharistenno for being my beta

Read here or on AO3

She took my arm, I don’t know how it happened

After Hood Night, Beca was lying on her bed; the weird buzzing in her brain caused by alcohol made it hard for her to fall asleep. She wasn’t used to drinking and partying with strangers until late night, but she had to admit it wasn’t the worst thing she’d done. That Jesse seemed nice after all, a little pushy maybe, but Beca knew she needed a push sometimes, maybe she should give him a chance-

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand

CHLOE BEALE: Im so glad that I met you xx

BECA: Yeah, you kinda mentioned that…

Beca bit her bottom lip and a bright smile formed on her face. There was something about Chloe, that didn’t make Beca want to push her away. On the contrary, it was rather a pull, that made Beca want to get closer to her.

She placed the phone on her stomach, letting out a heavy sigh, smile still present on her lips. Beca couldn’t believe she actually auditioned for an acapella singing group, just because a crazy – naked – girl told her to, after crushing her shower and forcing her to sing with her; it was a situation that normally would have made her run for the hills and yet, she went to the audition – and she got in – and to the following party. Beca didn’t even know how that happened, Chloe had dragged her into this whole new world, and she was kinda okay with that.

It confused Beca; for the first time her instinct didn’t tell her to push this person away, it told her to get to know her better, to become her friend, but most of all Beca wanted Chloe to like her, she wanted to impress her. She checked her phone to see if Chloe had texted her anything else, but there were no new messages, so she let out another sigh – a disappointed one this time – and put the phone away.

Maybe Chloe was still with shower guy, they seemed to be pretty close at the party. Her stomach twisted and Beca huffed again; the way Chloe had grabbed her arms and how close she got to her while talking, gave her some vibes, for a moment she’d thought that the redhead was flirting with her – a thought she wasn’t completely opposed to – but then she saw her with that guy while she was busy talking to Jesse, and kicked herself for being so delusional, she was well aware they were having sex in the sowers, they were obviously together.

Beca shook her head and rolled her eyes to herself, turning to her side to try to sleep.

I felt it in my chest as she looked at me

CHLOE: Admit you had fun tonight! :P

Beca was a bit more tipsy than usual – okay, let’s say she was drunk – but it wasn’t her fault; Amy arrived there with the clear internet of getting the brunette drunk that night. She dumbly smiled at her phone and almost gave in, but then she remembered their bet.

“I don’t know why I let you drag me to this stupid party” she spat out when they arrived at the ΣΒΘ frat house.

“Come on, I bet you’re going to have fun” cheered Chloe making Beca roll her eyes.

“I doubt it” stated the brunette.

“We’re here bitches!” screamed Amy going straight for the alcohol table, followed by Stacie.

When her head started to spin, Beca realized that maybe she’d let Amy fix her one drink too much, but she didn’t care, not when Chloe was leaning in so close to whisper things in her ear – shout actually, to be heard over the loud music – and had one arm wrapped around Beca’s shoulders; the weight of Chloe on her felt amazing and the way Chloe looked at her made her heart do funny things in her chest.

Beca definitely blamed it on the alcohol, but deep inside she knew it was the same feeling she had the first time they met at the activities fair; that smile Chloe gave her and those blue eyes, so deep that Beca felt like she was drowning in them, knocked all the air out of her lungs and she felt her heart racing.

Even if she did run away that time, Beca just couldn’t stop thinking about her, until that girl jumped in her shower, making Beca incredibly frustrated and embarrassed. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t help but looking – more than once – at the girl’s naked body and her mind wandered without her permission. Chloe was undeniably beautiful, and her confidence made her even hotter.

Beca should have known then that she was gone, but – always oblivious to her own feelings – it took her several weeks of parties and rehearsals to know that she had, in fact, fallen head over hills for the redhead.

Suddenly Beca felt Chloe stepping away from her and saw the girl launching herself into Tom’s arms. The brunette found herself downing the remains of her drink and accepting a new one from Amy. The rest of the night is still a blur, she vaguely remembered Jesse helping her through her dorm room door and saying good night, at which she believed she grunted before the guy closed the door behind him.

Beca frowned at the memory and looked back at her phone; there was a new message on the screen

CHLOE: you disappeared tho. Stacie said you left w Jesse :(

BEC: yoy wr wit Tom

CHLOE: I told you I was going to say hi and when I came back you were gone >.<

BEC: are u tofether?

CHLOE: No, I’m alone

BEC: no I mwan ar you datingm

BEC: ?

Chloe started typing and deleting and Beca started to freak out; she’d known this girl for less than a year, she saw her with Tom from day one, she had no right whatsoever to be upset about them dating, even if Chloe had been sending her mixed signals from the start and was annoyingly touchy and loving and not-so-unintentionally made Beca’s head spin more than alcohol did

CHLOE: No, he’s not my boyfriend. We used to be fwb but I ended it a while ago because I started to like someone… :)<3

Just keep your eyes on me

The following day Beca felt like shit; her head hurt, and she felt nauseous, that’s why she was immensely grateful to Chloe for dragging her to that stupid party the night before their special rehearsal’s session.

“Remind me to kill you when this is over” she lamented when Chloe greeted her with her usual bright smile – the girl clearly didn’t drink as much as Beca did the night before – and a quick hug

“Can’t wait” winked the redhead, making Beca’s blood boil in her veins.

Chloe really looked amazing that morning and was clearly making an effort to be noticed by the brunette; she managed to make even that idiotic hostess choreography look beautiful. It wasn’t just the dancing, Beca found every movement Chloe made incredibly sexy, maybe because of that half confession she had made the night before, or maybe because Beca knew Chloe was doing it on purpose; she knew it because Chloe basically never dropped her eye contact with Beca, almost like she was trying to cast a spell on her, and maybe she did.

“You’re on a mission today huh?” Beca hushed to her during a break

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” answered Chloe wearing a shit eating grin

“Well, better for me then, I’m enjoying the show” she shot back without thinking too much about it and regretting it right away, but the fire it lit in Chloe’s eyes told her she’d said just the right thing.

“What’s with all this eye fucking?” suddenly spat out Amy, making the room giggle. Except for Beca who became bright red, and Aubrey who cleared her throat glaring at Chloe, who innocently smiled biting her lip.

“Did you finally hook up or something?” asked Stacie in amusement

“Can we focus on the damn choreography?” asked Aubrey grinding her teeth.

Deep in her eyes, I think I see the future

Beca’s plan was simple: to go to college for one year, convince her dad that she tried and have him send her to Los Angeles the following year to finally start working towards her dream of producing music. However, something along the way went incredibly wrong, or rather incredibly right, and now all she wanted was to stay there with those nerds who somehow became her family.

The look on Chloe’s face when they won the finals made Beca realize that her future wasn’t in LA, her future was right there with those girls, with Chloe. In that moment Beca felt like she belonged there; she saw her next few years at Barden, with the Bellas, and in the hug they shared, Beca felt that Chloe would be part of her life forever.

The girls celebrated in the Bellas’ sorority house and they all, even Aubrey, got incredibly wasted. Most of the girls had already moved there from their dorms and wouldn’t have to go anywhere after their party.

During the night Chloe made sure to let Beca know, more than once, how sad she was that the brunette had decided to really leave for Los Angeles in the end, instead of moving in with her, and she never left her side the whole night. They drank together and laughed and danced, and they almost kissed, but Chloe pulled away last minute confusing Beca. When Beca asked her why, Chloe mumbled with watery eyes “you’re leaving, what’s the point?”, but immediately cleared her throat and dragged Beca to dance with the others. In her inebriated state, the music and Chloe’s body moving rhythmically against hers, were enough to distract Beca from that statement. Only later, walking back to her dorm, it carved its way back into her mind.

BEC ♡: I not gng to LA

CHLO: ???

BEC ♡: im stang heee

Chloe’s reply was a string of emojis Beca was too drunk to interpret followed by

CHLO: yoy styng w the bellassssss

BEC ♡: im staying fr you

CHLO: were gnna be cocaptnsss!!!

This woman is my destiny

Beca’s second year at Barden started out completely differently from her first one; she was living in a sorority house along with eight other girls and was co-captain of the acapella group she led to victory the year before.

Her relationship with Chloe evolved in a strange way; they acted like a married couple now, but they never crossed the line, both too scared of ruining what they had. With Aubrey gone, the Bellas were their responsibility and Beca knew that was what mattered the most to Chloe, so she chose to focus on their acapella group. For Chloe, not because she was scared of fucking things up, obviously.

Their mutual pinning was clear to all their friends; some of them – Amy – teased them about it, while others desperately tried to help them figure it out.

One night, during one of their let’s-get-drunk-because-why-not nights, they were playing truth or dare

“Beca” started Stacie “truth or dare?” she asked with a wicked smile, making Beca sweat

“Truth…” tentatively answered the brunette

“Do you have more than platonic feelings for anyone in this room?” asked Stacie raising an eyebrow. Chloe held her breath at that and Beca was the only one to miss it, too occupied freaking out

“Dare” blurted out Beca “dare, I meant dare!” Beca’s heart started beating dangerously fast, hoping that Stacie would have let her change her reply, but the girl’s eyes twinkled and Beca knew she’d fallen right into her trap.

“I dare you… to kiss the girl you have the biggest toner in the world for and release us all from this ridiculous sexual tension you two generate” commanded the tall girl rolling her eyes.

Beca felt all the air leave her lungs. Everything was silent around her and all she could hear was the uneven beating of her heart. She swallowed hard looking at Chloe to see what her reaction had been and the girl’s hesitant smile calmed Beca a little.

Beca wasn’t one to back down from a challenge and the alcohol in her system only made her more competitive, but most of all, there was nothing in the world she wanted more than to finally kiss Chloe, so she crossed the circle they were sitting in to reach the redhead on the other side of it. Chloe was biting her bottom lip in anticipation and Beca could see in her eyes that the girl wanted to kiss her just as much as she did.

Beca gently rested her palm on Chloe’s cheek. They didn’t speak, but they didn’t need words to communicate; their eyes were saying all they needed to say. They expressed how much they both wanted to do this, but only if the other was okay with that, and that it was going to be okay. They completely forgot they weren’t alone.

Beca leaned in and kissed her, Chloe wrapped her arms around Beca’s neck and pulled her closer, letting out a sigh that made Beca’s heart flutter. They stayed there, kneeling in the middle of the living room, kissing slowly and deeply, their lips moved together as if they were dancing. Beca wasn’t sure who deepened the kiss, but as soon as their tongues touched, a million fireworks went off in her brain, covering the sound of their friends whooping and clapping and wolf whistling – Amy – and making her forget her own name.

Beca couldn’t have enough of Chloe’s lips. When the kiss ended and Chloe tried to move away, Beca desperately chased her mouth and started kissing her again, gaining a chuckle from the redhead. The two girls were only separated by Amy accidently bathing them in tequila while waving a bottle in the air, shouting that they had to drink to that.

After two – or was it three? – Bhloe drinks, as Amy had named them, Beca was still snuggled up next to Chloe. They shared some quick kisses during the rest of the night and when they decided to go wrap it up, Beca really wasn’t ready to sleep. All she wanted to do was kiss Chloe all night long and the morning after, and for the rest of her life. When Chloe pulled her in for another kiss, she was happy to welcome Chloe’s tongue in her mouth again

“Good night, baby” whispered Chloe against her lips before leaving.

Beca was lying awake in her bed; she could still feel the ghost of Chloe’s lips lingering on hers. She took her phone and started typing.

BEC ♡: I lied at trth o dre I dont have a tner for you

CHLO: Bec…

*CHLO IS TYPING*

BEC ♡: Im crazy abt yoy! youre my destiny

BEC ♡: you’re

CHLO: you jst gve me a heartattack yoi asshole1

BEC ♡: srry xD

CHLO: wnna cme here to sleep w me?

BEC ♡: we r drnk…

CHLO: I jut wanna slp

BEC ♡: Any wll tease th shit out of us

CHLO: I don’t care

CHLO: I miss u

Beca didn’t really use much her bed in the Bellas’ house.

#bechloe #bechloeweek #Bechloe week 2020 #beca mitchell #chloe beale #pitch perfect

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dessarious · 4 years

Text

Misconceptions, Miscommunication, and Misinformation Pt71

Inspired by @ozmav Maribat AU

AO3 Beginning Previous Next

Viperion watched as his boyfriend opened a portal directly in Superman’s flight path and winced as he heard an echoing thud right before it closed. Man of Steel or not that sounded painful. Damian just moved to sit next to him and detransformed to recharge while looking at some sort of tracking device. He honestly didn’t want to know how he’d been able to be so accurate with the Justice League arrivals. When Tim had suggested this, he’d honestly thought it was just to give Damian something to do, something to focus on. He hadn’t actually thought they’d have League members coming into the city this fast.

He eyed the other boy as they sat. It always amazed him how calm Damian seemed when his song was complete chaos. It was almost like five different bands playing at the same time, none playing the same song and all of them different genres. He didn’t understand how anyone could live like that.

“I don’t think we’ll be seeing anymore for at least a few hours. Hopefully father convinced the others to wait for Ladybug to call a meeting.” He heard the slight catch on the word ‘Ladybug’ and pulled the other boy into a side hug. Damian gave a huff of annoyance but didn’t push him off which told him exactly how upset he was.

“Mari will be alright. She's very adaptable.” He just grunted. “It wasn’t your fault either, you know. Nothing like that happened in any of the other resets so even I didn’t know it was a possibility.” That hurt more than he was willing to think about. He still couldn’t believe she’d let things play out like that… well he could, it just pissed him off because he knew that if it was any one of them, she would have taken the second chance and dealt with the fallout.

“I don’t care, she made her choice.” The words were in direct opposition to the truth but he knew Damian wouldn’t admit how much he cared about Marinette. Damian barely showed affection to him, and they were dating. It was one of the cute but incredibly annoying character traits that made him who he was. Even if it did make him want to strangle the boy every once in a while.

“We should probably head back if you don’t think we’ll be needed to keep back the invaders.” He kept his tone light but Damian still scowled at nothing. “We need to update Ladybug about the situation.” No reaction. “If you don’t stop pouting you’re going to make me do something drastic.”

“I do not pout.” He spoke through clenched teeth and Viperion couldn’t help himself. He leaned over to kiss his cheek before whispering in his ear.

“Yes you do love, and it’s adorable in small doses.” He watched as Damian’s face went bright red and chucked at the reaction. Then Damian pushed him off the roof.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Marinette had Tim contact Batman to arrange another meeting with the Justice League since she had in fact promised to update them. Honestly it was the last thing she wanted to do. Well, second to last. She’d take Superman’s attitude any day over having to tell her parents about all this. How was she even supposed to start that conversation? She wasn’t even certain which part would be worse; I’m paralyzed or I’ve been using magical jewelry to save Paris for the last two years. She didn’t see either conversation going well.

“Hey Mari, B wants to meet with you before the Justice League meeting. Not sure exactly why but apparently Wonder Woman will be there too if you agree to it.” She wasn’t certain what her face looked like but it couldn’t have been good. “I doubt it’s anything bad, and Wonder Woman may even want to apologize for your initial reception. Once everyone saw what you were dealing with, most developed a lot more respect for you. Not to mention they’re all freaking terrified of your cat.”

“They better be. I’ll end anyone who talks down to my bug.” Chloe didn’t even look up from filing her nails to make that comment. Tim still shuddered. Marinette couldn’t suppress a smile.

“What do you think about meeting with the Bat Family Chloe?” She waited while Chloe pretended to still be absorbed by her nails. She knew the other girl was thinking and given Chloe’s head for politics she didn’t want to rush her.

“Maybe we should all go. I know you want to meet Oracle face to face and it might give Damian the push he needs to talk to them as well.” In other words she thought Damian needed to suck it up and tell his family about Luka. Especially if he was planning on staying or traveling back and forth to see him. But it absolutely wasn’t their place.

“Chloe…”

“Don’t use that tone with me. I’m not suggesting anything but a meeting between heroes. If anything else comes of it then it does, if not oh well.” Tim looked completely confused, which in her opinion was a good thing. Damian’s family seemed pretty oblivious to things when they weren’t looking for them. They might be detectives but they still fell into the human failing of seeing what they expected to see.

“Alright… How about tomorrow? I’m going to have to go home tonight and hope my parents don’t kill me.” She was joking… at least she hoped. Chloe wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be with you the whole time. I think once the initial shock passes everything will be fine. We could do it over the phone to give them time to blow up before you face them.” Chloe was definitely joking. Marinette wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea though. She was going to throw up before this was over, she knew it.

AO3 Beginning Previous Next

Ko-Fi

Tag List

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#maribat #marinette dupen chang #Damian Wayne #bffmaridami

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nostalthicc · 5 years

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hives | jeff wittek

jeff wittek x reader, zane hijazi x reader[PLATONIC]

summary: delayed allergic reactions are the worst, especially when they happened off a steep slip n’ slide. this is bad summary. im sorry. im supppperr bad at them.

warnings: fluff, slight angst, cursing, allergic reaction

1.9k words

lower case intended ` not my gif

y/n would usually jump on the idea of being in a video with two of her best friends- jeff and zane -but she had a photoshoot she needed to get over with because she has been pushing it back for ages. the last video they all did together was one of the most viewed videos on y/n’s channel. everyone said their chaotic and crackhead energy all evened out with one another. which they all knew was true, their jokes always bounced off each other. that's all y/n and jeff heard that all the time before they started dating, that they were a perfect match and continue to hear it to this day.

she decided to pick wraps from hat favorite shop near jeff's apartment. y/n had just finished her shoot and was heading over to her boyfriend’s to hang out with him and zane before they all went to david's for the night. when she to jeff's they were still finishing up the video for his channel.

“oh wow, look who decided to show up.” jeff said, pointing to y/n. reggie turned the camera towards the girl, who just scowled and threw her middle fingers before walking to the kitchen to put the food in the fridge. “and she brought food!”

zane turned around in the chair to face y/n. “y/n/n, baby! help me, please, look what he did to me, he's making my hairline recede even more than it already was!” he shouted, thrashing around in the chair causing jeff to have to pause on fixing certain stops. y/n laughed as the two started bickering about zane’s whining. soon getting bored with their fussing, she made her way to jeff's room to change into something cozier than the outfit she had to wear for the shoot, she felt as though the material was stabbing her skin and could feel herself already growing extremely itchy.

david had texted the groupchat to come early and bring a swimsuit which never led to anything good or safe but no one ever seemed to question and y/n would not be the first. the three of them all headed to david's, zane was driving but y/n and jeff were in a very intense game of cup pong. the winner got to choose dinner and the loser had to pay.

when they arrived at david’s house everyone was there except alex and nick. inside they were many drinks scattered around- as usual -and a few people y/n didn't recognize, she figured they were here to set up david's miraculous plan. everyone was supposed to carpool to motley lake because they were going to be using the giant hill for a slip n’ slide. y/n loved the water, this was probably one of the first of david's idea she wasn't hesitant about, which says a lot for all the ideas that come from him.

the set up was perfect, the huge line of tarp expanded down the hill, the sunset, and the water. jeff, y/n, zane, heath, and mariah stopped by the store to get floaties, oils, and soaps. the floaties were zane and y/n’s idea.

everyone was now gathered at motley with the proper essentials, they were ready to start the video. y/n wore one of the new bikinis she got with carly, erin, and suzy a few weeks ago on their monthly shopping trip. she hadn't had the chance to wear it yet and it was probably the sturdiest swimsuit owned.

“baby! get in the donut with me!” zane shouted at y/n, who was talking to erin and mariah. she had no intentions of going first and the entire slide somehow collapsing in on itself- that was zanes thing. but despite her doubt, she hopped on the back of the tube, letting todd and heath push them over the edge. the anticipation of getting down the slide was worse than coming in contact with the lake, even though y/n completely flew out of the floaty into the air as they reached the bottom.

jeff ran over to y/n as she got closer to the top of the hill. “are you okay?” he asked, a concerned look on his face, he scanned her entire body to check for any injuries and her bikini straps before throwing a towel around her shoulders. he always worried about her when she did all the crazy stuff with zane or for david's vlog because she is the clumsiest and most oblivious person he's ever met. she will basically do anything anyone asked of her because of her kind and reckless nature.

“did you see that!” y/n flung her arms around in the air, she had a huge rush of adrenaline from the slide but the longer she had both of her feet planted on the ground the faster she was starting to crash from that same rush. “actually i think i need to sit down,” she said, allowing jeff to lead her to the peak of the hill and set her down next to david who had his camera pointed straight at them. y/n’s heavy breathing attracted the attention of Jason and Josh- the parents of the group. josh plucked the towel off of her shoulders to inspect her back to see a dark red, raging rash along her upper back. he then moved around back to her front, he gently grabbed her chin to look at her eyes before instructing y/n to open her mouth. her tongue was swollen. “y/n, you’re having an allergic reaction.” Josh said calmly. “what are you allergic to?” she tried to speak but couldn’t from the coughing and heavy breathing. by now the entire group as circled around them trying to see what was wrong with their friend.

natalie pushed past the crowd to get next to jeff. “she’s allergic to bees,” she burst out, watching as jeff and zane share a look but natalie decided to ignore it to focus on y/n. “we should take her to the hospital unless someone has an epipen.” after a few seconds in the silence jeff picked up his girlfriend, hurrying to carry her to his car. he explained the prank he pulled on zane for his video that he didn’t know she had a bee allergy.

david, jason, josh, natalie, todd, and zane all piled into jeff’s car to travel with y/n to the ER. jason constantly told jeff he was an idiot the entire ride there. y/n was in between natalie and todd in the backseat, she had started wheezing soon after they got in the car, only adding to the coughing and heavy breathing.

jeff didn’t even park the car before getting out to take y/n in the hospital, as soon as he stepped foot in the building he was shouting to nurses to get the sick girl help. they acted quickly, helping jeff get her into a room before they immediately started getting her on oxygen and got her an epi-shot. everyone was forced out of the room so they had room to treat on y/n.

“jeff, calm down. the doctor said we got her here in time, she’s going to be okay.” natalie told a frantic jeff who hadn’t stopped pacing since they got kicked out. she has been trying to calm him down for about thirty minutes but nothing has helped. he can’t help but like this entire situation was his fault, even though he didn’t know. he was completely shaken by events of the day.

when they were finally allowed back in, y/n was asleep due to the sedative they gave her to stabilize her body down from the shock. she looked absolutely pitiful hooked up to all the machines, even though they were only for vitals and to watch her heart and lungs. natalie, jason, and david were quick to excuse themselves to find food and water for everyone when y/n woke up- they were really trying to let jeff and y/n have space, zane and todd didn’t get the memo.

“did you know she was allergic to bees?” jeff question his two friends left in the room with him. he needed to know to ease his mind that he wasn’t the only clueless moron who didn’t know she was allergic to freaking bees.

zane and todd shook their heads no. “she never told me anything.” todd replied.

running his fingers through his hair, a long, heavy sigh escaped jeff’s lips. “fuck, i just feel so stuid. it’s really messing me up, man. y/n could have died and it would’ve been my fault, the one person i can’t live without could have died on my hands.” he paused, looking at all the equipment attached to her. “i’ve seen and heard a lot of shit but this really fucks me up, you know.” todd put a comforting hand on jeff’s shoulder, he felt for him, jeff wasn’t one to show much emotion so to see him this shaken up makes him upset.

“it was all of us, jeff. we all agreed on the prank, we didn’t know but i don’t think she blames you,” zane told his friend, his eyes trailing to an awake y/n behind him. jeff followed his gaze to his girlfriend who had tears building in her eyes. his mind immediately went to bad reasons of why she was upset but he was so, so wrong. zane and todd hurriedly gave y/n a hug before making their way out the room to let the couple talk.

jeff opened his mouth to speak but y/n cut him off before he could ramble out a ton of apologies. “first off, i’m not mad, i could never be mad at something so innocent. i mean, i didn’t even tell you- or anyone for that matter. which now i see was stupid but i never thought i would run into many bees in LA. secondly, what you said- that was so fucking sweet, like really fucking sweet. no one in my life has cared about me the way you do and i couldn’t say thank you enough.” she bit her lip to try and conceal her sob but it came out anyway. “and i- i really love you for it, for everything. god, i probably will never be mad at you so anything. i would end up in a million hospitals just to hear you say those things again.” everything she said was true, y/n loved him and what better time to tell him than in the ER. his silence was setting a bad feeling in the pit of her chest though, many doubtful thoughts rushing through her head. had she said the wrong thing? was it too soon? did he hate her for not telling him about the allergy? “please say something or do something- just anything. p-please.”

“you love me?” he asked.

“yeah, i really fucking love you,” she exclaimed, another sob leaving her lips. the twinkle in jeff’s eye could be seen from a mile away. he swiftly made his way to the bed, bringing y/n in for an embrace, he maintained the urge to squeeze and never let go ever again. they held each other for ages, they were the people in the building- in the world right now.

jeff lifted his head from the crook of her neck. “i really fucking love you too.” he said before bringing her into a long, passionate kiss which was interrupted by their friends joining them in the room once again.

#jeff wittek x reader #jeff wittek imagine #david dobrik #jefft wittek #vlog squad #vlog squad imagine #jason nash #zane hijazi #toddy smith #natalie mariduena #josh peck

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minijenn · 4 years

Text

Universe Falls Chapter 79

Ayyyyyy its here fam, the chapter right before RMD is finally done which means I’m ALMOST ALMOST THERE AHAHAHHAHAHAH IM SO FUCKIN HYPE! But for now, enjoy this fucking preliminary angstfest, which I also really like even if it is a teeny tiny lil chapter. Just as well since RMD are all boutta be fucking monsters in terms of length. Anyway enjoy!

Previous: https://minijenn.tumblr.com/post/618035050504732672/universe-falls-chapter-78

***

Chapter 79: Alone on the Lake

TN XBAVUSA SUL ZUSALLZF GSL ZLZBKX IFK AJUWLK DPNZ BWMSL LUZ OACM HV YW KLKHXJ GGBZ EKBIJK?

“Ok, Lapis, we’re almost there!”

“I think I’m starting to guess the surprise, you two,” Lapis noted with a small smile, still keeping her aquatic wings wrapped over her eyes as she followed Steven and Mabel’s enthusiastic lead.

“Your eyes are supposed to be closed!” Steven reminded brightly.

“Sorry,” Lapis chuckled, following his instructions this time as the pair continued to guide her onward. “Are you still back there, Dipper?” she called, glancing over her shoulder behind her, though keeping her eyes shut all the while.

“Hm?” Dipper looked up, his hands shoved away in his pockets as he kept pace quite a bit behind the trio as they traveled down the dock. “Oh, uh, yeah, I’m here.”

“Mind telling me where we’re going?” the blue Gem continued addressing him with a small, playful smile. “I have an idea, but these two aren’t giving me any hints.”

“Cause that would be cheating!” Mabel pointed out, resolute. “And it would ruin the surprise.”

“Speaking of surprises, wait here just a second.” Steven and Mabel both relinquished their holds on Lapis’ hands, running over to join Greg and Stan near the edge of the dock before unveiling what they had in store for the day. “Surprise!”

Lapis let her wings retract, opening her eyes to see something that she didn’t really know what to make of at first. The wide lay of Lake Gravity Falls spread out before the group from the small dock they were all on, its murky waters dully glistening in the mid-morning sun. And resting on that lake, tethered to a post, was a moderately large boat, one that looked rather fancy and modern, aside from the bizarre, out of place skull and crossbone flags draping from its sides and hanging from its flagpole.

“We bought a boat!” Steven proclaimed excitedly.

“Correction, we rented a boat,” Greg chimed in. “I may be rich, but buying a boat would be going a bit… overboard!”

“Ugh, please someone make him stop,” Stan groaned insincerely. “He’s been making lame boat puns ever since we picked this thing up from the rental place. I’d fire him for them… if he still worked for me.”

“What can I say, Mr. Pines?” Greg let out a small chuckle. “I just keep reeling ‘em in!”

Steven and Mabel were quick to join in on the former rock star’s amused laughter, and though it took Stan a moment, he ultimately folded with a bit of a wry smirk himself. “Uh… what’s with the pirate theme?” Dipper spoke up as he looked over the boat.

“Er, the rental place was out of the “Family Friendly Day On the Lake” boat package,” Greg explained. “All they had left was the “A Pirate’s Life for Me” package, which is really just those flags. Oh, and I think there’s a stuffed parrot and a set of decorative swords on board.”

“There’s also a bunch of peg legs, pirate hats, and eye patches stored under one of the seats,” Stan added dryly. “So, ya know, you kids can knock yourselves out with those.”

“Ooo!” Steven mused, intrigued.

“I call the eye patch!” Mabel quipped, raising her hand.

“Oh no, ya don’t,” Stan pulled said eye patch out of his pocket and slipped it on. “I already beat ya to it, pumpkin.”

“Aw, dang it! Not again!”

“Steven, Dipper, Mabel,” Lapis spoke up, glancing over at Stan and Greg, somewhat confused. “Who are these people?”

“Ah, Greg Universe,” Greg introduced himself, holding out a hand for her to shake. “You, uh, busted up my van trying to use the lake to fly back to your homeworld?”

“Lapis Lazuli,” the blue Gem offered him a somewhat awkward smile though she didn’t return his handshake. “Nice to meet you.”

“And Lapis, you remember Grunkle Stan, right?” Mabel asked as she came to stand alongside the conman.

“Oh right!” Lapis nodded. “You’re the guy who looks like Ford, but isn’t Ford.”

“Ugh, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that one when I was a kid...” Stan rolled his eyes, disgruntled.

“That’s ‘cause Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford are twins,” Mabel informed the blue Gem with a smile as she suddenly pulled Dipper close beside her. “Just like me and Dipper!”

“Ugh, Mabel! Knock it off!” Dipper huffed in annoyance as he quickly pulled away from her. He paid no mind to the curious looks the others were sending his way as a result of his sudden harshness as he instead went to take a seat at the far edge of the dock instead.

“Aw, c’mon, bro-bro, I was just… aw, ok…” Mabel sighed in quiet defeat as she watched him sullenly walk away.

“Yeesh, he’s acting even more Dippery than usual,” Stan remarked bluntly before oblivious moving on. “Anyway, we’d better get a move on. The ice in that treasure chest-shaped cooler on deck is only gonna keep those sandwiches cold for so long.”

“Good point,” Greg agreed, trailing after the conman. “Let’s get the boat started.”

As the pair headed aboard the rented vessel, everyone else hung back on the dock for a bit, particularly Lapis as she hardly even seemed to be focused on the boat at all. “What’s going on with Dipper?” she asked Steven and Mabel with newfound concern. “He seems… upset about something.”

“I don’t know…” Steven frowned. “Yesterday he seemed so excited about our plans to bring you out here to spend the day with you, Lapis, but now…”

“I-I think I might know what’s up,” Mabel said, glancing down apprehensively. “Last night I overheard him talking in his sleep--which he only really does when he’s having a nightmare--a-and it must have been a pretty bad one cause he said something about… a-about you know who…”

“No,” Lapis shook her head, confused. “Who?”

“Oooh…” Steven immediately understood, however, his expression quickly turning grave. “Again? I thought he stopped having those kinds of nightmares after we put up the unicorn shield around the shack.”

“The what?” the blue Gem tried interjecting once more, completely out of the loop.

“Yeah, well… you know Bill,” Mabel said, her tone and expression both taking on an air of disdain. “He never quits, even when he really should. And if he can’t mess with us for real anymore, I guess dreams are the next best thing for him.”

“Wait, slow down,” Lapis said, putting her hands up. “What are you guys talking about? Who’s this Bill person? Someone who’s been messing with Dipper?”

“Messing with all of us, actually…” Steven rubbed his arm. “He’s this really powerful, really mean demon who we’ve been fighting against all summer. We’ve been up against him a bunch of times, but the worst was when he-” The young Gem stopped short at this, particularly as he met the sight of Mabel silently shaking her head, her lips pressed in a thin line and her eyes wide with worry. Steven was quick to understand her intent, however, when he happened to glance between Lapis, who was looking to him with expectant curiosity, and Dipper, who was still sitting alone, forlorn as he stared into the lake from the edge of the dock. “Uh… h-he, um…” Steven stammered, unsure of how to explain exactly what had happened what felt like ages ago now. Especially to Lapis, of all Gems, who cared so much for Dipper and had, at least in some way, been the very driving force for him striking the dangerous deal with the dream demon that he had back then. A deal that was clearly still leaving it’s heavy, painful mark on him, even long after it had ended.

“L-long story short,” Mabel cut in just in time with a brief, largely safe explanation. “Bill tricked Dipper into making a deal with him that went pretty sour pretty fast and it, uh… m-may or may not almost got him, um… k-killed,” she winced, a familiar pang of guilt filling her as she so much as said the dreadful word.

“W-what?!” Lapis exclaimed, aptly alarmed.

“O-oh, but don’t worry! It didn’t actually, o-of course,” Steven rushed to interject. “A-and my healing powers helped patch up everything else‒eventually. So, everything’s fine now! W-well… almost everything…” The young Gem frowned as he looked in Dipper’s direction himself, wishing there was more he could do to help heal what was an entirely different kind of wound now.

“B-but, I don’t understand,” Lapis shook her head, her expression awash in immense worry. “Why would Dipper make a deal like that anyway? Even if he was tricked, I know he’s smarter than to fall for something like that.”

Steven and Mabel exchanged an uncertain glance at this, knowing that the last thing Lapis needed was to know exactly why Dipper had taken a chance on such a risky bargain in the first place. “Uh… w-who can say?” Mabel shrugged, forcing out a harsh, fake chuckle. “It doesn’t really matter anymore anyway since it’s all said and done and we can forget about it and move on with our lives! S-so instead of talking about all that depressing junk, let’s talk about something way more fun instead! Like this boat! What do you think about it, Lapis?”

“Oh, uh… it’s… nice,” Lapis said somewhat absently as she finally pulled her gaze away from Dipper. “But... I don’t know…”

“Look, Lapis,” Steven took a deep, steadying breath, noticing the hesitation in the blue Gem as she turned her attention to the lake in particular. “We know you spent a really long time fused with Jasper at the bottom of the lake, but… you’re not Malachite anymore. And water is part of who you are. You can’t let one bad experience take that away from you!”

“It was more than one…” Lapis sighed, crossing her arms.

“Well… maybe we can turn all those bad times around and make a brand-new good time instead!” Mabel encouraged warmly. “We promise that this is gonna be the most fun you’ve ever had!”

“Thank you, but I… I don’t deserve this…” Lapis shook her head fretfully.

“Of course you do!” Steven insisted. “We even named her Lil’ Lappy!” He nodded over to the boat, where Stan and Greg were attempting to tape a banner with this new name to the side of the boat, only for it to slightly slip off to reveal the vessel’s true title: the S.S. Misery”.

Despite this, Lapis was unable to hold back a snort of an amused laugh at such a ridiculous sight, one that told just how hard the kids were working to put all this together for her. “Ok, I’ll give it a chance. But just one.”

“That’s the spirit!” Mabel beamed. “Now c’mon! We better get on board before Grunkle Stan hogs the rest of that super cool pirate gear to himself!”

“Too late!” Stan called from on deck, clad in the eyepatch, captain’s hat, and fake peg leg alike.

Even so, Mabel and Steven hurried on ahead to climb aboard, though Lapis stayed behind, largely so she could go over to join Dipper as he remained at the edge of the dock. Along the way, she couldn’t help but let her thoughts wander, both to the deepest concern for the boy himself, and quiet, yet fledgling fury for the mysterious demon who had apparently put him through so much lingering distress. “H-Hey,” she greeted him as casually as she could manage, despite all this. “Aren’t you coming along?”

“Oh! Y-yeah,” Dipper was quick to stand, though he made no move to go over to the boat as he offered Lapis a concerned glance instead. “Are… are you sure you’re ok with this? I tried telling them that taking you out on the lake might not be… the best idea, considering… well…”

“N-no, it’s ok,” Lapis assured him with a small smile. “I think it’s really… sweet that you guys went to all the trouble to put all this together for me. Even if it might be a bit… too much.”

“It’s always too much when Steven and Mabel are involved,” Dipper finally let out a small chuckle, one that set Lapis’ worries to ease as she hoped that maybe he wasn’t as upset as he seemed. At least for now.

“Need a lift?” she asked, summoning her wings as she extended a hand out to him.

“Sure.” With this, Lapis easily swept Dipper up off the dock, giving him an easy landing on board the boat alongside Steven and Mabel before she came down to join them herself.

“How do I say it again, Mr. Pines?” Greg’s voice echoed from the ship’s intercom on the bridge. “Mighties?”

“It’s ‘maties’, Greg,” Stan deadpanned, not realizing the mic was already on either.

“Got it; maties,” Greg actually turned to the intercom so he could properly address the group on deck. “Uh, ahoy, maties! Are ya scurvy land-lovers-”

“Landlubbers,” Stan corrected once more.

“...What the hey is a lubber?”

“Ugh, gimme that!” the conman promptly took over the intercom at this. “What he’s trying to say is, are you all ready to take off or not?”

“Aye, aye, captain!” Mabel and Steven proclaimed in unison, both of them presenting dramatic salutes.

“...Yes,” Lapis said simply as Dipper nodded his agreement as well.

“Good,” Stan said simply, hanging up the intercom line. “You do know how to work this tub, don’t you, Greg?”

“Uh… w-well… It can’t be that tricky…” Greg looked over the ship’s rather complicated control deck, though he did manage to find its starting clutch. “Aha! Full speed ahea-” The former rock star was abruptly cut off as the entire boat jolted hard as it began to take off, knocking everyone on board about. However, as it did, the force of the vessel’s abrupt movement suddenly ripped the post it was tethered to, one that neither Greg nor Stan had thought to untie it from before climbing aboard. “Aw, geez…” Greg shuddered upon glancing back to see the post skimming behind the boat as it ventured out onto the open lake. “You think anyone will notice?”

“You better hope no one does,” Stan remarked. “Trust me, Greg, you do not want a run-in with lake police. I learned that the hard way…”

Despite the pleasant, late summer weather, not too many other boats were out on the water, meaning the group largely had the lake all to themselves. As soon as the boat had settled into a more relaxed pace out near the center of the water, Lapis and the kids went to join Greg and Stan up in the bridge, largely to inquire about the wooden post still lagging behind the ship.

“Yeah, I-I think I did a number on that deck,” Greg scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Maybe someone else should take a shot at being captain instead…”

“Ya think?” Stan deadpanned.

“What do you say-” Greg grinned as he took his captain’s hat off and turned it over to Lapis instead. “Captain Lazuli?”

“I-I shouldn’t…” Lapis winced fretfully.

“Go for it, Lapis!” Steven encouraged.

“Yeah! You’ll make a great captain!” Mabel chimed in enthusiastically. “You can even use this spare eyepatch I stole from Grunkle Stan when he wasn’t looking!”

“Wha-” Stan took pause, reaching near his eye to find that his eye patch wasn’t covering it anymore. “When did you-”

“Don’t put me in charge!” Lapis suddenly snapped, agitated. She drew in a small, anxious gasp as she realized just how intense her refusal had been, to the point that all three of the kids were sending concerned looks her way.

“Lapis…?” Dipper spoke up, by far the most worried of the already very worried trio. And as soon as Lapis caught his concerned gaze, she made a very rushed effort at righting herself, more for his sake than anyone else’s.

“Oh, uh… s-sorry,” the blue Gem shook her head to clear it. “I mean… y-you shouldn’t trust me with the boat.”

“Uh, that’s ok,” Steven said, trying to brighten the tense mood once more. “Don’t worry about it. We can all be first mates, so there’s no pressure. Only fun stuff today!”

Lapis nodded, allayed by this plan, even if she was still discreetly trying not to pay too much mind to the wide lay of the lake all around them. “Lapis, you can still wear the hat if you want,” Greg held said hat out to her again.

“Thanks,” Lapis smiled. “But I’m not putting that on my body.”

“What about the eye patch?” Mabel asked, eagerly offering it to the blue Gem until Stan intercepted it instead.

“Give me that!” he swiped the patch, proudly placing it over his eye once more. “Ah, now that’s better.”

“Ok, everyone,” Greg grinned, putting the captain’s hat back on as he took the boat’s wheel once again. “Let’s set a course for fun!”

Though Lake Gravity Falls was quite sizable, it was still a rather small lake compared to the boat itself, which was why there really weren’t too many places it could go upon it. Still, that hardly stopped the small group aboard from enjoying themselves in whatever ways they could. They snacked on their small stash of cold cut sandwiches alongside a bottle of sparkling orange juice served in fancy glasses (a ritual Lapis didn’t quite understand and didn’t really know how to indulge in even as everyone else did). Still, Lapis watched on the sidelines as Steven and Mabel engaged in a pretend “pirate duel” with the decorative swords on deck (a duel Greg was quick to put a nervous stop to when he realized the swords, however dull they might have been, were still made of actual metal). After that, they all took a break to lounge out on the boat’s open deck, soaking in the rays of the warm summer sun, though most of the while, though Lapis found herself preoccupied with two other completely different sights instead. The first was the lake, its calm, quiet, cerulean waters practically taunting her with thoughts of the dark, empty prison she knew lay just beneath them. But then there was Dipper, who was hardly engaging in the activities Mabel and Steven had planned as he instead leaned against the boat’s railing to stare out at the lake himself. Lapis took a break from “sunbathing” to join him, hoping to ask him more about what Steven and Mabel had only hinted at before. And yet, before she could get as much as a hello out, the aforementioned pair rushed over to pull them both back into more of the “fun” they had in store.

That next bout of fun was up on the bridge, namely in the form of the ship’s pull horn. Though Lapis didn’t understand the appeal at first, she quickly did upon giving it a small, experimental tug, only for the horn to loudly blare out, echoing across the entire lake. The blue Gem couldn’t help but be completely charmed by the rather grating noise, letting out a full, genuine laugh as she pulled on the horn over and over again, much to the kids’ delight and Stan and Greg’s chagrin. Even Dipper couldn’t help but muster a small, warm chuckle upon seeing just how much Lapis seemed to be enjoying herself through something so simple, even if it wasn’t the easiest on the ears.

After about an hour or so, the nearly-nonstop bellowing of the horn finally fell silent, a relieving change of pace for Stan and Greg in particular as they continued fishing off the far side of the boat. “Oh thank god, they finally stopped,” the conman let out a sigh of relief as he uncovered his ears. “I thought I was gonna go deaf. Well, even more deaf,” he said, tapping his hearing aid.

Greg let out an amused laugh at this, though as he did, he happened to notice Lapis and the kids coming down from the bridge to join them. “Oh, hey, you guys!” he greeted them with a smile. “Finally get enough of that horn?”

“...WHAT?!” Steven shouted obliviously, his ears still still blaring with the lingering noise of the horn.

“What are you doing?” Lapis asked, curiously eyeing the pairs’ fishing rods.

“Catching fish,” Greg explained, casting his line out into the water once more.

“Or at least we’re trying to,” Stan grumbled, boredly leaning against the railing. “Those suckers just aren’t biting today…”

“Oh, maybe I can help!” Lapis volunteered, her tone surprisingly eager. Taking in a deep breath, she easily connected with the body of water before her, calling upon a massive swath of it just below the surface. Everyone else watched in apt awe as she easily pulled that swath up, an immense mass of water rising up into the air just above them, one that encased more fish than they could have ever hoped to catch swimming inside.

“Whoa…” Dipper said, quite impressed. “Lapis, that’s amazing!”

The blue Gem practically beamed upon hearing this, more than happy to meet the bright smile he was sending her way. A smile that she unquestionably treasured, yet unfortunately hadn’t seen enough of today, as much as she wished she had.

“That’s a pretty… uh, fancy way of catching fish…” Greg noted with a bit of a nervous chuckle.

“Fancy?” Stan scoffed. “Pfft, some might call it overkill.”

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel chastised, hoping that the conman’s rather callous remark didn’t offend the blue Gem.

“That’s ‘cause Lapis is supa strong!” Steven proclaimed with a dramatic flex.

“Well, uh… I appreciate the gesture,” Greg said, trying to be as tactful as he could. “But I-I think it would be safer to stick to the old-fashioned way of doing it…”

“Oh, uh… sure.” Flustered, Lapis was quick to pull her “catch” back down into the lake itself, creating a sizable wave in the process, one that shook the entire boat before the water settled itself back down. “So… how do you fish the old-fashioned way?”

“Oh, it’s pretty simple,” Greg reeled his line back in so he could demonstrate. “You start with a rod, and you put a hook at the end of your line. And then, when you feel a nibble, you reel it in. And there it is; you’ve caught yourself a fish to eat!”

“Or to sell if you manage to catch a peppermint angelfish or a freshwater polka dot stingray,” Stan piped up. “Those kinda puppies will land you the big bucks, whether you’re sellin’ em legally or not‒n-not that I would know.”

“But why would a fish ever bite a hook?” Lapis asked, confused.

“You got to bait it,” Greg said, reaching into his nearby tackle box. “Put something on it you know it wants, like a worm or a $20 bill.”

“Now that’s my kind of bait!” Stan grinned greedily.

“We’ll keep that in mind the next time we need to fish you out of a lake, Mr. Pines,” Greg chuckled alongside Steven and Mabel. At the same time, he cast his baited line out into the lake to properly show Lapis how fishing was usually done.

And like how fishing usually went, the group ended up waiting quite some time for even a nibble to become apparent. Stan had all but fallen asleep in his sunchair, his own fishing pole completely forgotten as Greg minded them both instead. Lapis and the kids lazily leaned against the boat’s railing, keeping an eye on the water, even if there was no sign of any sort of underlying fish to be found.

“So when does the fish part happen?” Lapis asked boredly.

“Well, sometimes it isn’t about the fish you keep, but the company you catch,” Greg said with a sly wink, though none of the others really caught his drift. At that exact moment, however, a sharp, sudden pull on his fishing pole caught the former rock star’s attention instead. “Whoa! I got a bite!” Greg tightened his grip on the fishing rod as whatever it had caught began to pull aggressively against it. “Lapis, here! Give it a try!” he offered the blue Gem the pole, and though she had her reservations, she took it.

“Like this?” she asked, starting to reel the line in.

“You got it!” Greg grinned as the kids crowded close to watch. “Looks like it’s a big one!”

Lapis set her focus on her rod as she continued to steadily reel it in, though whatever was on the hook quickly tugged hard on the line, abruptly yanking the blue Gem forward along with it. Lapis stumbled forward, but fortunately everyone else was quick to respond, calling out to her in concern as they hurried to help hold her steady so she could keep the struggle going.

“Y-You got this, Lapis!” Steven encouraged with a loud grunt as he and Mabel clung onto the straining blue Gem. “Reel it in!”

“It’s… pulling… so hard!” Lapis shouted, pulling back against the unseen fish or force that she was so, so close to landing. So very close to the surface, yet still so far away.

Just as Malachite had been all that time.

Lapis gasped just as the fishing rod suddenly snapped under the immense pressure completely. Its other half flew into the water as whatever it had caught got away, leaving everyone to run to the side of the boat to see if they could catch so much as even a glimpse of it. Lapis in particular kept a close eye on the lake as it calmed once more, her sudden panic starting to die down as she realized the only reflection she saw on the water was her own.

“Dang it, Greg!” Stan fussed as he finally awakened from his brief nap. “We weren’t supposed to break any of these!”

“Yeah…” Greg winced as he looked over the broken rod. “Looks like this pole rental just turned into a pole purchase. But, you did a great job tangling with that beast, Lapis.”

“Yeah! I totally thought you had it!” Mabel added, hands on her hips.

“B-but don’t worry about the one that got away,” Steven encouraged with a small smile.

Lapis simply returned their praise with a terse, unreadable nod as she realized that their party was now one short for some reason. Mostly since that missing one among them had quietly slipped away long before her fight against that unknown catch had even begun.

“Welp, that’s my adventure quota for the day,” Greg concluded as he began putting the tackle box away. “I’ll be at the controls. Holler if you need me.”

“And I’ll be raiding that cooler to see if there’s any of that fancy orange juice left,” Stan said as he also began to head out. “Fishing’s thirsty work; it’s got me parched.”

“But Grunkle Stan, you were just napping most of the time,” Mabel pointed out.

“Yeah, well napping’s thirsty work too.”

With the adults heading off to their own devices, Mabel and Steven were more than ready to keep their excitable plans for the day going, even if fishing had gone somewhat awry. “Ok, Lapis, what do you…” Steven trailed off as they both realized the blue Gem had also stepped away at some point. “Lapis?”

For her part, Lapis had returned to the main deck, where it didn’t take her very long to find Dipper. He sat on one of the lounge chairs, his chin perched against his hands as he silently watched the dark clouds that were starting to roll in over the lake. And as the blue Gem slowly came to take a seat alongside him, she noticed just how tense and apprehensive his expression really was. She had every reason to suspect why that was, and couldn’t help but feel guilty that she hadn’t done more to try and change that. Though still, she figured now was better late than never.

“Dipper?” Lapis spoke up, finally breaking him out of whatever thoughts he had been distracted by.

“Oh! Lapis!” he started, quickly turning to her as he put on a clearly fake smile. “H-how’d fishing go?”

“It… went…” the blue Gem glanced down. “Why’d you leave?”

“Ah, I-I… just wanted a little peace and quiet, is all,” Dipper said, offering an excuse Lapis could see right through the moment he said it.

“Oh,” she replied, though this time, she refused to simply leave it there. “Dipper, a-are… are you all right?”

“What?” Dipper blinked, caught off guard by the question. “Y-yeah, of course I’m all right. Why wouldn’t I be? Are you all right, Lapis?”

Lapis flinched, not wanting to face such an inquiry, especially as she accidentally stole another small glance toward the lake once more. “I-I… l-let’s focus on you instead,” she countered as evenly as she could. “You’ve been so quiet all day. I know something’s wrong-” she hesitated, not wanting to give specifics about how or what she knew just yet. “So… if you want to tell me about it, then I-”

“No!” Dipper said, a bit too fast and a bit too forcefully. “I-I… I mean, it’s… seriously nothing, Lapis. You don’t have to worry about it. It’s really not important.”

“It’s important to me,” Lapis said earnestly, knowing, practically feeling that he was lying to her. “If something’s bothering you, then… maybe there’s some I can help somehow. I want to help.”

For a moment, the most Dipper could do was look to her in disbelief before he shook his head almost bitterly. “Lapis, I-I appreciate it, but really, I don’t need any help. Besides, today isn’t supposed to be about me; this whole lake trip was supposed to be to help you.”

“B-but I don’t deserve help!” Lapis argued far more fiercely than she had meant to. “Everyone’s so worried about making me feel better, but we should be worrying about you! Especially after what you went through!”

“After what I-” Dipper stopped short at this, confused. “Lapis, what are you talking about?”

The blue Gem faltered at this, knowing that the last thing she wanted to do was openly bring up what was obviously such a painful memory, but she couldn’t help herself. He needed to know just how much he needed this. “T-the deal, Dipper! I’m talking about the deal you made with t-that… that Bill guy that almost got you killed!”

Dipper froze, completely taken aback, upon hearing Lapis mention that terrible deal. A deal he’d done all he could to keep her from finding out about ever since she returned, for more reasons than one. “W-what… h-how do you know about-”

Before he could even get another stunned word out, the entire boat was suddenly rocked as something seemed to crash hard into the side of it below the surface of the water. Just as the ship seemed to settle once more, it took another heavy hit, one that nearly knocked Dipper and Lapis off their feet completely as they wondered to themselves about what was happening.

Mabel and Steven wondered the same thing as they took a detour on their way back to the main deck to stop by the bride to check in with Stan and Greg. “I-is everything ok, First Mate Dad?” Steven asked, concerned.

“Shh!” Greg quieted, glancing up from the boat manual he’d been pouring over. “You hear that?”

The group paused to listen for any further disruption below the boat, but strangely, they were only met with silence on all sides. “Uh… no?” Mabel frowned, confused.

“Maybe whatever it was is gone now,” Steven theorized.

“Well, at least that’s one good thing,” Greg sighed. “I think something’s wrong with the boat.”

“Augh!” Stan growled, trying his hardest to move the boat’s otherwise stiff wheel. “Nope, something’s definitely wrong with the boat. The rudder won’t move for anything. Something down there must be throwing it off.”

Mabel let out a sharp, dramatic gasp at this. “Maybe it’s the Gobblewonker!”

“Or Mr. McGucket’s Gobblewonker robot!” Steven added just as zealously.

“Would you two pipe down?” Stan rolled his eyes as he began fiddling with the ship’s control panel. “It’s not a robot or some stupid lake monster. We probably just hit a rock or something. What’s that manual of yours have to say, Greg?”

“I-it’s really not any help,” the former rock star frowned as he flipped through the book. “It’s mostly just advice on sun tanning and what crackers go with caviar!”

“Well, what crackers go with caviar?” Steven asked.

“Water crackers!”

“Ayyyy!” the pair exclaimed, exchanging a set of wry, playful grins. The levity was immediately broken, however as the boat violently shook once more, this time accompanied by a small, yet prominent explosion from somewhere inside the ship itself. The group wasted no time in rushing down to the boat’s small engine room, though as soon as Greg pried open the hatch, thick, dark smoke immediately started pouring out from it.

“Oh, crud! The engine!” Greg exclaimed, distraught. “I-I don’t know anything about fixing an engine! Do you, Mr. Pines?”

“Er… I can take a swing at trying, but I can’t make any promises,” Stan said as he began looking over the busted engine. “But either way, we’re gonna be out here for a while…”

Mabel and Steven exchanged a fretful glance upon hearing this, but all the same, they left the pair to work on the engine so they could relay the unfortunate message to the boat’s other two passengers. In the aftermath of the explosion and how it shook but the boat once again, Lapis was in the midst of helping Dipper back up onto his feet, checking over him to make sure he was unharmed as Steven and Mabel arrived.

“Uh, guys?” the young Gem spoke up. “We have some… not-so-great news. There’s trouble with the engine and… it looks like we’re stuck out here for now…”

“Great…” Dipper muttered as Lapis let out a low, disappointed sigh. “As if anything else could go wrong today…”

“W-well, let’s try to look on the bright side!” Mabel chimed in. “At least it’s not raining!” Almost at that exact moment, however, raindrops began sprinkling down from the dark, dreary skies above, growing more steady with each passing second. “...How did I do that…?” Mabel wondered, amazed by her apt timing.

“I-I’m sorry!” Steven professed to Lapis in particular. “This whole thing is our fault! We just wanted you to have fun, but everything’s turned into a mess. We shouldn’t have made you come on this trip…”

“No,” Lapis spoke up, her tone cold as she turned to face the side of the ship. “It’s my fault. I’m the one to blame.”

“What?” the young Gem shook his head. “No, it’s not-”

“I’m really trying to enjoy it out here, but… I can’t stop thinking about being fused as Malachite,” Lapis confessed, not even noticing Dipper tense up beside her at the mere mention of the twisted fusion. “How I used all my strength to hold her down in the lake, and how I was always battling against Jasper to keep her bound to me…”

“Lapis…” Steven began, though Dipper was quick to interject before he could say anything else.

“W-what does any of that even matter anymore?!” he countered harshly, clearly agitated by the mere discussion alone. “That’s all over now! Malachite’s gone. You don’t have to be with Jasper ever again!”

“T-that’s not it…” Lapis said quietly, shame filling her expression as she finally glanced back at the kids behind her to reveal the horrible truth. “I… I miss her…”

“What?!” All three of the kids exclaimed, shocked by the very thought.

“W-we were fused for so long…” the blue Gem practically whispered, shaken as she wrapped her arms around herself tightly.

“But… she’s terrible!” Steven protested anxiously.

“I’m terrible!” Lapis argued, fully turning to the trio. “I did horrible things! I left Ford behind on Homeworld! I stole the lake! Go on! Tell me I’m wrong!”

Steven and Mabel were more than prepared to try and do exactly that, but once again, Dipper beat them both to the chase on a seemingly different tangent entirely. “You miss her…” he began, letting out a bitter scoff as he did. “Even after everything she put you through, after everything she did?! After everything I did to try to help you?!”

“Dipper-” Lapis tried to counter, though he was far too incensed to back down now.

“I know what you went through was awful, I get that. But you have no idea what I put myself through to just to get you back!” he practically shouted, outraged that she’d make light of all the sacrifices he’d made by so much as hinting that she wanted to go back to what he’d only barely managed to help rescue her from. “I was ready to do nothing else but sit on the shore for the rest of the summer waiting for you! I stayed awake for nights on end trying to figure out a way to help you! I risked my life several times against Malachite and you did basically nothing to stop her! And worst of all, you asked me about that deal I made with Bill earlier? Well, you wanna know why I even did that in the first place?”

“Dipper, stop-” Mabel tried to interject, especially as she noticed the growing, fearful alarm in Lapis’ eyes brought on by his outburst. Yet even so, he kept going with the truth he could no longer keep buried under the surface, even for as horrible as it was.

“For you, Lapis!” he finished, tears starting to brim in his eyes even against his immense fury. “I nearly lost my body, my life‒all because I wanted to save you! And what do you want, even after all that? To go back to being with Jasper, back to being Malachite, like the rest of us‒like I don’t even matter!”

For a moment, the most Lapis could do in response to such a harsh accusation was remorsefully accept it, largely because she had no idea how to argue against it. Because really, if all that was indeed true, if Dipper really had almost lost so much in a last-ditch effort to help her, then that was just another reason--perhaps the very worst of all--on the already substantial list as to why she didn’t deserve any sort of kindness or support at all after every terrible thing she’d done.

Once again, Steven and Mabel wanted to speak up to try and ease the heavily palpable tension between the pair, yet before they could, that tension was broken altogether by the boat heavily jolting once more. This time, however, the steady tremors didn’t stop as something heavy latched onto the ship’s anchor chain, lurching the entire vessel to the side as something, or rather someone, began to climb up it. For a few breathless, uncertain seconds, the group on board glanced around frantically, unsure of what was happening. That is, until that someone finally reached the deck itself, the last Gem any of them could have expected--or wanted--to see: Jasper.

The orange Gem easily heaved herself onto the boat, ignoring the shared gasps of shock from everyone else as she rose to properly stand, a wide, almost demented grin spread across her face as she set her sights on Lapis in particular. “Finally,” she said, a burst of heavy thunder crashing over the lake at the exact same time. “I thought I’d never catch up to you!”

“J-Jasper…” Lapis barely managed to choke, though at the same time, she instinctively held a protective arm in front of the trio of kids behind her. “You… you’ve been following us?”

“I’ve been following you,” Jasper’s menacing grin deepened as she took a bold step forward.

Lapis flinched back in apt fear at this, though Steven was the first to step forward, his shield already formed over his arm. “Stay back!” he shouted bravely as he came to stand between the two Gems. Likewise, Mabel brazenly joined him, even without her grappling hook (which she hadn’t brought along on the trip) in hand. Dipper, on the other hand, hung back behind Lapis, taking a small step backward as he watched the frightening situation unfold carefully, quietly. Just out of Jasper’s notice all the while.

For her part, Jasper let out a twisted, amused laugh as she glanced down at the young pair before her haughtily. “This dulled-down version of Rose Quartz works for you now? Along with one of her dumb human pets?” she sneered callously as she nodded back up to Lapis. “You’re pointing that shield the wrong way. She’s the one you should be afraid of.”

“T-that’s not true,” Lapis tried to protest, though there was no conviction behind her words.

“You can’t lie to me,” Jasper asserted. “I’ve seen what you’re capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you… you’re a monster.”

Lapis froze, terror filling her entire form, though it was hardly aimed at Jasper. Instead, it was fear reserved solely for herself, for what she knew she could do, what she had done. Fear that what the orange Gem had just said was true; that she really was a monster after all. “I-I…” she trailed off, unsure of how to argue against that blatant truth. Even if Steven and Mabel were more than ready to do that for her.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Mabel defended, resolute.

“Yeah! Lapis doesn’t want anything to do with you!” Steven added just as firmly as he held his shield steady.

Jasper let out a severe, aggravated growl at this show of resistance, one that she didn’t hesitate to remove from her path through sheer force alone. “This is between US!” she shouted, brutally lashing out at the pair. Fortunately, Steven’s shield took the brunt of the heavy blow, but it was still enough to send them both flying across the deck, resulting in them roughly landing quite a ways behind the orange Gem.

“Steven! Mabel!” Lapis anxiously called, aptly alarmed. Likewise, Dipper nearly made his first move to join the confrontation, though he stopped short upon seeing that Steven and Mabel were largely fine, if not a bit disoriented from the attack.

At the same time, Jasper stopped Lapis in her tracks, tightly grabbing her by the wrist with both hands as she fell to her knees before the blue Gem. And then, she looked up to her manically, almost desperately even as she made her horrific proposal. “Let’s be Malachite again!”

Needless to say, Lapis was completely caught off guard by such a bizarre, demented request as she practically felt the orange Gem’s obvious madness from the tightness of her clinging grip alone. “Why… why would you want that?!” she dared to ask, unable to imagine why anyone would willingly, eagerly desire to go back to being chained down and trapped like Jasper had been with her.

“I was wrong about fusion!” the orange Gem professed with an unhinged smile. “You made me understand! Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us! We could fly!”

“L-Lapis!” Steven shouted as he began to help Mabel back up. “Don’t listen to her!”

“Stay out of this!” Jasper barked back at him as she stood once more.

At the same time, Lapis shook her head incredulously, her thoughts racing far too fast for her to even try to keep up with any of them. “I… I was terrible to you…” she began, her voice shaking just as much as her entire body was. “I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to‒I hated you! Malachite hated existing so much! It was bad!”

“I-it’ll be better this time!” Jasper argued, taking her hands once more, even as she tried to pull them away. “I’ve changed! You’ve changed me! I’m the only one who can handle your kind of power! Together, we’ll be unstoppable!”

Somewhere in the distance, thunder echoed off the lake once more, though Lapis barely heard it as she let Jasper take her hands once more. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as everything else grew hazy and distant, save for the orange Gem and what she was trying to promise her, what she was trying to get from her. And for the briefest of moments, that offer, that plea, almost sounded tantalizing. Because if Jasper was right about anything, it was that Malachite was powerful, that she had felt powerful while they were together. That, for the first time in centuries of being trapped and lost and alone, she had felt strong, she had felt like she had actually been in control of something, even if that something was a twisted, self-loathing mess of a fusion. It was an appeasing kind of control, even if it came at the expense of someone else and even herself. And for the briefest, tiniest of moments, she honestly considered taking that control for herself once more.

And yet…

“And what do you want, even after all that?” Dipper had asked her just moments ago, tears in his eyes and anger in his voice. Anger that made complete and perfect sense, all things considered. “To go back to being with Jasper, back to being Malachite, like the rest of us‒like I don’t even matter!”

Is that what she wanted? Did she really want to tear herself away from people who she genuinely cared about, who cared about her in return‒people like Dipper and Mabel and Steven‒just to go back to someone she unquestionably, deeply hated like Jasper? Was whatever kind of demented control she had as Malachite really worth it to betray their trust, to turn away from their kindness, to do the very thing Dipper had accused her of by making his own sacrifices for her completely meaningless in the end?

All it took was the smallest of glances at Steven and Mabel far ahead of her, and perhaps most importantly of all, the most discreet look at Dipper still standing behind her, for Lapis to make the choice she knew she’d always stand by from here on out. Because she knew, above all else, what truly mattered to her most of all.

“No!” she exclaimed firmly, tearing her hands out of Jasper’s as she glared up at her bravely.

“What?” Jasper hissed, narrowing her eyes down at the blue Gem.

“What we had wasn’t healthy!” Lapis said, resolved and unshaken. “I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again! So just go!”

“But Lapis!” Jasper tried to argue, though she didn’t get very far before someone else stepped in between her and the blue Gem instead.

“She said no,” Dipper began coldly, sending a relentless glare up at the much larger orange Gem as he came to stand protectively in front of Lapis. “So leave her alone!”

“Dipper… I…” Lapis trailed off, unsure of what to say. Yet even so, Dipper briefly glanced back at her with a small, assuring smile, one that carried the promise that he was on her side, no matter what happened.

Briefly, genuine surprise filled Jasper’s expression at this intrusion, until sharp, sweeping rage rushed in to take the place of that surprise instead. “You again…” she growled hatefully, recognizing the continually interloping human before her immediately. ��You always have to come to her rescue, don’t you? You may have ruined Malachite for me before, but I’m not about to let you take her away from me this time!”

In an instant, Jasper latched out, though this time, it wasn’t toward Lapis. Instead, she abruptly grabbed Dipper by the arm and roughly yanked him toward her, pulling him out of Lapis’ reach even as she made a panicked, yet failed attempt at saving him. Of course, from the very moment Jasper latched onto him, Dipper began struggling against her heavy hold, though all his attempts to pull away and free himself did little against the orange Gem’s immense strength as she found a way to turn the tables on Lapis completely. “Listen, Lapis, you “care” about this human, right?” she asked, sending a disgusted, disgruntled nod down at Dipper as he beat against her arm with his free hand as hard as he could. An effort that she easily ignored, despite how desperate it was.

“L-leave him alone!” Lapis begged, her hands held up in tight, shaking fists as she looked between Dipper and Jasper anxiously. “Please, Jasper, this is just between you and me. He isn’t part of this. Let him go!”

“I’d say he is part of this since he’s the reason you even agreed to fuse with me in the first place! And he’s gonna be the reason why we fuse again,” Jasper retorted, tightening her grip on Dipper’s arm to the point that it felt like it was going to snap right in two. Lapis winced as she heard him let out a small, involuntary cry of pain, one that shook her to her very core, especially as Jasper continued her cruel demands. “Either you form Malachite with me right here, right now, or…”

“O-or what?” Lapis practically whispered, her eyes wide with terror all the while.

“Or I take your precious human here somewhere you’ll never be able to find him,” Jasper finished, her tone deadly serious.

“Dipper!” Steven and Mabel both exclaimed, aptly horrified upon hearing this. Without hesitation, they both acted on the same beat, joining hands as they prepared to form Maven so they could take Jasper head-on and save him. And yet, just before they could, Dipper managed to glance back at them, the fear in his expression obvious, though something else was there too. A certain sort of steadiness that came paired with him putting a silent hand up to stop them, almost as if he was sending them the unspoken message that he had a plan. Which, by all accounts, he did, especially as he noticed one of the decorative swords that had fallen by the wayside earlier lying on the ground just a few feet away from him.

“I… you… you can’t do that to him!” Lapis shouted at Jasper, furious yet deeply afraid all at the same time.

“I can, and I will,” Jasper coldly assured. “It’s either gonna be you, Lapis, or your human. Your choice.”

By this point, Lapis was nearly on the verge of tears as she glanced down mournfully. Because without even thinking twice, she knew what she had to do. She had already made the choice against becoming Malachite again on her own volition, out of her own desire to. But if it was for Dipper, if it could keep him safe now just as she had once thought it had before, then she would gladly, readily make that choice to give up her freedom again for him. For him, she’d do just about anything.

“O-ok…” Lapis whispered softly, sadly, as she prepared to return to the prison she’d hoped she’d never see again. “I… I’ll fuse with you.”

“Perfect,” Jasper said with a beaming, leering grin. Lapis simply closed her eyes as Jasper extended her free hand out to her once more, and yet just before it could reach the blue Gem, her approach was brought to a literal swift stop.

It happened in an instant so quick that Jasper didn’t even catch it until after it happened. A blade that was otherwise completely dull came down on her hand with such a great amount of force behind it that it sliced through her wrist completely. Her hand instantly vanished into particles of the light her form was composed of, and as she let out a startled gasp by the unexpected amputation, her other hand just so happened to release its firm hold on her captive that had done this to her in the first place.

Jasper only briefly paid any attention to her now stub of a wrist as she instead noticed Dipper, now free and armed with one of the decorative swords, taking his place between her and Lapis once more. The orange Gem glared daggers down at him, but Dipper met her ire evenly with his blade in hand, ready to use it in an instant if need be. “You will never, ever fuse with Lapis again,” he told her, his tone icy and unyielding. “Not as long as I’m around to help her.”

Jasper let out a loud, infuriated shout at this, her helmet forming over her head as she easily reformed her missing hand. “Then I guess that means it’s time to get rid of you ONCE AND FOR ALL!” she yelled, raising her head to bring down a vicious attack. Yet it was one that never landed, even though Dipper was brazely ready to face. For instead, at that very moment, Lapis reacted to rush to his rescue instead, throwing her hand up swiftly into the air. Along with the movement, a massive, powerful fist of water also burst through the boat itself, breaking through the boards just under the orange Gem’s feet before striking her hard. The incredible force of the blow was more than enough to send Jasper flying, not just off of the boat, but away from the lake entirely as she was helplessly flung far away into the surrounding forest. Her threatening presence gone for now, but hardly forgotten.

In the immediate, newfound peace that followed, Dipper let out the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding in as he lowered his sword and turned to Lapis with a small, relieved smile. “Lapis, that was-”

She immediately cut him off as she swiftly pulled him into a tight, protective embrace, her form still trembling with remnant terror as she rushed to check over him. “Are you ok? Did she hurt you?” she asked him frantically, holding his face in her hands so she could inspect it for any sort of injuries.

“N-no, I… I’m fine,” he assured her, placing a comforting hand against her arm. Lapis responded by loosening her grip on him, letting out a small, tired sigh though she hardly returned his allayed smile.

“Dipper!” Almost out of nowhere, the pair was caught off guard as Mabel suddenly crashed into Dipper, wrapping him up in a tight, elated hug. “What you just did was totally awesome! I mean, cutting off Jasper’s hand? That was like the most metal thing I think you’ve ever done, bro-bro!”

“Heh, thanks,” Dipper chuckled somewhat bashfully.

“And Lapis, you were amazing too!” Steven chimed in brightly, beaming at the blue Gem. “The way you stood up to Jasper was so brave! Not to mention how you sent her packing at the end there.”

“Yeah…” Lapis frowned, glancing away in shame. “Brave…”

“I-is everyone all right?!” Greg called as he and Stan turned the corner to arrive on the main deck. They were quickly met with a surprising sight, however, as they noticed the gaping hole in the center of the vessel, one that was quickly causing it to sink lower and lower into the water with each passing second.

“Geez, I probably could have fixed the engine in like, an hour or two,” Stan remarked, hands on his hips. “You kids didn’t have to go and just trash the thing like this.”

“W-wha… what happened?” Greg asked, aptly distraught by the irreparable damage.

“Uh… It’s… kind of a long story,” Steven said, leading the way to the highest edge of the boat. Lapis was quick to create another large hand of solid water, one that most everyone was easily able to fit on for the ride back to shore. The blue Gem stopped Dipper short of hopping on it however, as she instead silently offered him a different mode of transportation as she summoned her aquatic wings instead. He took the hint and climbed on her back, holding on as she took flight and guided the watery hand she’d made for the others across the lake, leaving the now abandoned, defunct vessel behind as it sunk into the water entirely.

“I guess I bought a boat after all,” Greg sighed as he watched the boat disappear below the depths.

“Yeah, one you can’t even use,” Stan remarked. “What a ripoff! Oh well, at least I managed to snag the treasure chest-shaped cooler on our way out.” He grinned, holding up said cooler for everyone to see.

“Ooo, well that’s better than nothing, right, Dad?” Steven said with a small grin.

“Yeah… I guess it is,” Greg agreed, fondly ruffling his son’s hair.

It didn’t take long for Lapis to get everyone safely back to the dock they’d started from, though instead of landing upon it herself, she instead took flight once more with Dipper in tow. “Huh, I wonder where they’re going,” Mabel said as she watched them take to the skies. “Maybe we should follow them? Just to make sure they’re ok?”

“...I think they’ll be fine,” Steven assured, keeping his sights set on the pair as well. “Looks like they just need some time to themselves.”

At the same time, Dipper couldn’t help but glance back at the dock they were leaving behind from his spot on Lapis’ back. Instead, she seemed to be taking him up toward the falls above the lake, something that couldn’t help but confuse him given her relative silence since the boat had sunk. “Lapis, what’s going on? Where are we going?” he finally asked her a moment later.

“...We need to talk,” was all the blue Gem said as she kept going, not even bothering to so much as even look back at him. The rest of the flight was steeped in silence on both sides, even as they arrived at the top of the waterfall cliff. Yet almost as soon as Lapis set Dipper down on solid ground, that silence swiftly, suddenly came to an end.

The moment Lapis landed, she was quick to turn to face him, her manner and tone quite severe, even though the underlying hints of fear and worry were clear in both as she spoke adamantly. “What in the world were you thinking, Dipper?” she asked. “What you did back there… Standing up to Jasper like that… you could have gotten yourself killed!”

“W-what was I thinking?” Dipper countered in disbelief at such a question. “I was thinking about how I was willing to do whatever I had to to keep you from fusing with her again! You’d already told her no, but then, when she threatened me, it was like suddenly none of that even mattered anymore!”

“It didn’t matter!” Lapis shot back fiercely. “Why don’t you understand that all that matters to me is keeping you safe?! Why else do you think I even fused with her in the first place?!”

“Oh, so what Jasper said is true, then?” he countered angrily. “The only reason you became Malachite to begin with was because of me, right?!”

“Ye--no!” she quickly corrected herself. “No, of course that’s not true! I… I just…” she sighed, bitterly. “I fused with Jasper because I thought it was the only way I could keep her as far away from you as possible. That’s why I was ready to do the same thing again today. I… I don’t want you to get hurt; I never wanted that…”

“Well, it’s way too late for that,” he scoffed coldly, crossing his arms as he turned away from. “When you fused with her, when you trapped yourself at the bottom of the lake, it did hurt me…” He paused, shaking his head remorsefully as he tried his hardest to fight back tears. “It hurt me so, so much because I knew, right from the very beginning, that it was all my fault. You were gone, a-and I missed you, and you were just down there suffering non-stop and… and I couldn’t do anything to help you. A-and every time I tried… I… things always just got even worse…”

For what seemed like ages, Lapis was silent as she watched Dipper take a solemn seat on the edge of the cliff. Not knowing what else to do, she joined him, waiting an hesitant moment or two before posing a question she knew she shouldn’t even ask. “W-what actually happened?” she began slowly. “W-with that Bill guy, I mean. Steven and Mabel told me a little, a-about how he tricked you into making a deal to help me, but… I don’t know much else outside of that.”

Dipper let out a long, weary sigh, placing his face in his hands as he finally decided to come clean. “It was stupid…” he muttered crossly. “I was stupid. He promised he’d help me figure out a way to save you in exchange for a puppet. But what he didn’t tell me was that I was actually the puppet he had in mind. So he stole my body, took it for a joy ride, intentionally hurt it--practically killed it, and nearly did the same to Mabel and Steven too until they barely managed to kick him out of it so I could take it back. But even then, i-it’s taken me a really long time to recover, both inside and out. Sometimes I wonder if I ever really will at all”

Lapis didn’t initially say a word in response to this tale of incredible woe as she let it sink in, along with the heavy wave of guilt that came along with it. “Y-you… went through all of that… because of me…” she said, her voice barely a whisper, though it was heavy with shame all the same.

“N-no, Lapis, I… I shouldn’t have said that earlier,” Dipper quickly countered. “I-I didn’t mean it, I was just upset-”

“And you have every right to be!” Lapis interrupted sharply. “You were right, Dipper; you did so much to try and help me, a-and what did I do? I nearly went and fused with Jasper all over again like it was nothing!”

“But you were going to do it for me,” he retorted firmly. “And that’s not nothing.” Unsure of what else to say, he sighed once more, lying back to lay in the grass as his feet dangled over the edge of the cliff. It didn’t take Lapis to join him, and for a long, quiet, almost peaceful moment, the pair rested in silence, watching as the stormy clouds above began to clear out for sunny skies once more. “Isn’t that messed up?” Dipper finally said with a small, yet bittersweet laugh. “How we both put ourselves through something so terrible just so we could try to help each other?”

“Yeah…” Lapis muttered fretfully. “It is…”

“Maybe… maybe that’s not how this is supposed to be,” Dipper continued, his tone sincere. “There’s gotta be better ways to protect your friends out there than losing your body to a psychotic demon or trapping yourself in an unstable fusion deep below a lake.”

“Well, if there is, I’d love to hear it,” the blue Gem remarked as she rested her hands behind her head.

“...Sword fighting was what helped me,” Dipper said as he sat up once more. “It gave me a better way to keep the people I care about safe, a-and best of all, it finally helped me feel safe again when I wasn’t sure if I ever world. So… maybe we just need to find something like that for you too.”

“We could always start with fishing,” Lapis joked, eliciting a small, warm laugh from Dipper that she couldn’t help but join in on. Once the beat of much-needed levity passed, however, there were still hints of worry lingering in the air between them.

“Lapis…” Dipper began earnestly. “Are you alright after… well, everything?”

“Yeah,” the blue Gem nodded as she properly sat up herself. “I think I’ll be ok. What about you? Steven and Mabel mentioned something about you having… ‘nightmares’?”

“Oh, those…” Dipper frowned, wishing that the pair hadn’t been so presumptive, even if they were correct. “They’re just… I-I… I don’t know where they’re coming from. I mean, Bill is a dream demon so I guess it makes sense that he keeps showing up in my dreams, but, it’s not like he can really do anything since Grunkle Ford and I put that barrier up to keep him from getting into the shack. Still, I-I don’t know, it’s just… weird. Nobody’s even heard anything from Bill in a really long time and now suddenly, right out of nowhere, he keeps popping up in my nightmares again when he hasn’t in weeks? I know I’m probably wrong‒I hope I’m wrong, but… I can’t help but feel like something really… bad is about to happen soon…”

“Well, if this ‘Bill Cipher’ does show up trying to hurt you again,” Lapis began with a hint of firm resolve in her tone. “Then you better believe I’ll make sure he never gets the chance to again. He won’t mess with you again, not as long as I’m around.”

Dipper couldn’t help but smile upon hearing this, knowing that this comforting promise essentially echoed his own to the blue Gem. And perhaps, if the need ever arose again, then they could both find better ways to keep those promises than they had before, in the hopes that they would never need to be so cruelly separated as they’d been before ever again.

A beat of gentle, contented silence passed between the pair just as the late afternoon sun started to set beyond the distant cliffs. It cast a bright, almost golden glow upon the waters of the lake far below them, a lake that had once been a place of such strife for them both, but now, only seemed to radiate peace and tranquility instead. “You know,” Dipper said with a soft, easy smile as he enjoyed the view. “The lake really is beautiful from up here.”

“Yeah,” Lapis earnestly agreed as she gently, affectionately ruffled his hair. She had no doubts she’d always treasure moments like these, because even if they’d been so hard fought for by sacrifices and guilt and grief on both of their ends, they were moments they’d finally managed to somehow win at long, long last. “It is.”

#again pelase read this on ao3 or ff.net instead dumblr is blueh #jen writes #universe falls #steven universe #gravity falls #steven universe gravity falls crossover #crossover fanfic #au #alone on the lake #lapis #dipper #mabel #steven #jasper #greg #stan #alone at sea #keyword is fishing

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