#im loving this fic so i might post it in the replys later (or if you want the link now @ me ✨✨✨)

[goofyjelly]

I'm five chapters into reading a twenty-two chapter Katrick (from the TV show) fanfic and trying to prepare myself for the miscommunication because its KATRICK and theres no way this goes on for twenty-two chapters without some communication issue-

[elliespillowprincess]

SHES MY DRUG

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pt 1

pt 2

pt 3

a/n: this is my first ever (kinda) fic so it kinda sucks and is all over the place.. rockstar/band ellie has been on my mind too much lately so yk i had to.

c/w: modern au, reader is in college (premed), biker ellie!!! smut next part!! mentions of smoking, drinking and drugs (reader and ellie), fem reader, plus size reader, insecure reader, fluff, abby is readers mean ex (abby lovers im sorry, i still love her) angst, body dysmorphia, fatphobia, race of reader not specified, TERRIBLY WRITTEN, not proofread

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT SUPPORT NEIL DRUCKMANN

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“hey did you hear about the music festival in town this weekend?” your friend, liliana, asks, making you wake up from the trance your computer put you in. you and liliana had been friends prior to college, meeting in your honors anatomy class in high school. with a similar career goal in mind, you two decided to go to the same college and become roomates. you two had been in your towns coffee shop for hours, trying to finish an assignment your biology professor gave you two.

“there’s a festival here? nobody ever comes out here.” you reply. nobody has ever done any concerts, festivals, or performances in your town. it was so small, they wouldn’t make enough profit so it just didn’t seem worth the trip. the only performances you ever saw were done by drunken men in your college bar.

“yeah! i don’t really know anyone that’s going though. it’d be nice to check out!”. she scrolls to find a post advertising the festival, with a list of who’s going. to nobody’s surprise, the list is small; 3 performers. “the tickets are only $50, we should go!!” she says whilst you’re reading the informative post. “i don’t know, lili, i mean who even are these people? is it even worth our money?” the idea of wasting your weekend at a festival, where you don’t know anyone playing, when you could be studying for finals makes you nervous.

“come onnn y/n, we can’t waste our uni years studying all the time! when we graduate, we’re gonna be swamped with med school work, might as well make the most out of the time we have!” liliana says cheerfully. sure, you could spare the hours, but you had so much on your plate. finals, work, and not even mentioning the fact you just broke up with your girlfriend of 4 years. you look at her face, she’s using puppy-dog eyes to hopefully persuade you into going. “i’ll think about it.”

you’re laying in your dorm room, back hunched over your laptop, with your hands in your hair. liliana was staying at her boyfriends house for the night, leaving you all alone. the amount of studying you’ve done in the past hours giving you a throbbing headache and double vision. you harshly close your laptop, saying “i’ll do it later.” in your head, lazily getting up to grab some advil from your medicine cabinet. you open the familiar bottle and pop a few pills into your mouth. walking to your bed, you plop down, and begin scrolling mindlessly on instagram.

then you remember what your friend was telling you about earlier, and you decide to look at your towns instagram. a new post making you curious as nothing had been posted since the fourth of july fireworks at the towns lake. you click on it, a flashy banner lighting up your screen.

GOLDWHIT GROVES FIRST EVER MUSIC FESTIVAL; FEATURING:

BEHIND THE ANGER

ELLIE WILLIAMS

DRAW MY BLOOD

THIS SATURDAY ONLY

you chuckle, finding the names of the bands amusing. one of them, however, drew your attention. the only one who was seemingly a solo performer, ellie williams. you decide to close your towns page and type the name into your search bar. your eyebrows raise at the amount of fan accounts this “ellie” has. you click on the only account with the blue verification symbol on it, her page filling your screen.

holy shit.

she was hot. like, really hot.

you click on her most recent post and it’s a video of her at one of her concerts. she’s playing an electric guitar furiously with gritted teeth. you hear girls screaming and see their hands reaching out trying to feel her. clearly, she craves all the attention so she pulls off her white wife beater, throwing it into the crowd. the screaming only intensifies as she has a douchey smile on her face. the video cuts of and you scroll through the different videos the post has, all of the same nature. you read the caption, “see you next time, dallas.” with no tags.

you open your messages app and begin typing to liliana.

you: ok maybe we should go to that festival i just stalked one of the performers and FUCKKK she’s hot

the bands have goofy names tho

“behind the anger” boy shaddup

you wait until you see the bubble appear, indicating she’s responding.

lili😦: TOLD U WE SHOULD GO! venmo me the money im buying tickets rn.

you laugh softly at her excitement to go, and open venmo, sending her $50. another message pops up.

lili😦: *photo attachment*

who were you looking at btw?

you open the message seeing the qr code for your ticket.

you: that ellie williams chick she looks like an asshole but a HOT asshole yk

i want her to play me like that guitar

gonna become a groupie😋

your tiredness takes over after texting lili for the past few hours, telling her goodnight and closing your phone.

the brightness of the morning sun wakes you up. it’s saturday, and thank GOD you had no classes today. you stay in your bed, opening tiktok. it kinda creeps you out that the first video is an edit of the girl you were gawking over last night. as the edit plays, you become even more excited for the festival later in the day. you look to the top of your screen for the time, 12:37. you partially curse yourself for letting yourself sleep in that late, getting up to brush your teeth.

lili😦: ARE U EXCITED FOR TN??

andrew is asking if he can come

smh he’s so clingy

kinda cute tho

the pinging of your phone causes you to finish brushing your teeth, spitting out the foam in your mouth and wiping your face.

you: i don’t mind

yall better not be like those concert couples

sitting on his shoulders n shit i’ll knock you off

you didn’t really mind as you’ve known andrew as long as you’ve know liliana. they’ve been together for the past six years, and you guys used to go on double dates with your ex all the time, it was like a little group.

lili😦: LMFAOOO we won’t

can we get ready tg 🥺

you have all the cute body glitter

you: sure come home whenever

you turn on the shower, grabbing a towel from the cabinet before hopping in. while washing your body, you begin thinking about what you’re gonna wear. you start to think about what ellie williams would notice you in, before laughing at yourself for being so delusional. she doesn’t know you, or care about you.

you’re just another girl.

hours had gone by, liliana and her boyfriend were hanging out at your shared apartment, pregaming and getting ready. the festival started at 4, and ended at 10. “hey y/n? where’s the-“ you walk in, and liliana is making a gawking face. “you look SO hot hello?” beaming at you. partially, you feel a little silly. you’re wearing the outfit she picked for you: a lacy cami, short black skirt, and a leather jacket. you have dark smudgey eye makeup, dark red lipstick, and star clips in your hair.

“i feel dumb.” you say, looking down and laughing at yourself. you never wore revealing clothes, being wayyyy too insecure to show yourself off this this. i mean, your boobs were spilling out of your shirt, your ass visible under your skirt, and your stomach uncovered. “shut the fuck up, you look good. we gotta leave soon- shit wait do you have pasties?”

as andrew drives the three of you to the concert, liliana in the front and you in the back, you become nervous. what if someone’s mean? what if something bad happens? what if it gets too cold? what if you start your period?

“y/n?” the calling of your name makes your head perk up. “we’re putting on that ellie chick, gotta know some of the music if you’re gonna SMASH her tonight!!” she says with a giggle. you roll your eyes as lili goes to her music app and selects her top song.

she’s my drug

the title pops up along with a photo of ellie lighting what looks like a joint. the song starts and it eases your nerves, her raspy voice over the melodic electric guitar makes a perfect combination. the excitement for the festival grows once again as the three of you near the festival.

you were kinda surprised at the amount of people that came. it looked like the entire town was there. there were a lot of unfamiliar faces wearing the bands merch. you saw a lot of girls wearing shirts with ellie williams’ tour dates on the back. “i hope the bands aren’t shit.” andrew says, laughing and getting out of the car. “at least we know one of the performers isn’t.” the three of you, out of the car, walk to the entrance. there were old-looking metal detectors that look like they were borrowed from the local police department. you all go through and have your bags checked and tickets scanned, walking towards the one and only stage.

the first band, behind the anger, got on stage. not many people were going crazy, but there were a few drunken men screaming their songs. liliana and andrew were enjoying them, but you were dying for something to drink, craving a shitty festival cocktail and a cigarette. tapping liliana on the shoulder, “hey, guys? i’ll be right back, i’m gonna grab something to drink.” you shout over the music. “alright, don’t take too long! your girlfriend should be out soon!” you roll your eyes laughing and shuffle your way out of the crowd.

walking up to the one and only vendor, you gaze on the menu. different beers, seltzers, cocktails, and liquors. “can i just cut infront of you? i gotta get up there soon.” you hear a voice behind you say. you turn around, partially offended and, holy shit.

it felt like a movie, a book, a fanfiction. what are the chances that she’s infront of you right now? you blink your eyes, not really believing what you’re seeing. nobody’s around you two besides the vendor, shocking as you’d expect girls flocking around her. it’s her. it’s ellie williams.

“excuse me?” you blurt out, not realizing how rude you sounded. i mean, you were just standing there, the only one in line, not moving. was it rude for her to ask. she kind of laughs at you, kissing her teeth. you got a good chance to look at her. she’s wearing cargo pants with a black wifebeater shirt that lifted slightly, allowing you to see what looks like abs, her tattoo covering her forearm, and her hair tied messily in a half-bun.

“i said,” she says, taking a half step towards you, “can i just cut infront of you?” you look around, dumbfounded. “no, you can’t. i’m ordering right now.” you say, matter-of-factly. you spin on your heels and order whatever shitty cocktail your eyes first land on and she chuckles at your behavior. the vendor types it into his tablet. “that’ll be $9.24. cash or card?” you open your purse, looking for the $10 bill you stuck in your purse for this exact reason. of course, like a fucking movie, it’s gone. “sorry just give me one sec.” you say, furiously looking through your purse, embarrassed.

“i got it, put it with mine. lemme get a rum coke.” the girl says flatly, slightly pushing you aside. you roll your eyes at the push and step aside, very embarrassed at the entire interaction. you grab a cigarette from your purse and attempt to light it, but the fluid is all out.

of course. how much more cliché could this get? ellie puts her card away in her wallet and shoves it into her front pocket as the vendor goes to make the two drinks. “need help?” she says, reaching her hand into her pocket and getting out a lighter, it was black and very scratched up. “these are bad for you, y’know?” she says in a cocky tone before grabbing her own and lighting it. the two of you were so far away from the rest of the crowd it that it was almost quiet.

“i’m studying to be a doctor, i know.” you say, the cigarette hanging limply between your lips still attempting to light it. “what’s a smart girl like you doing smoking and drinking then huh? you’re the one who’s supposed to tell people not to.” she says, bringing the lighter to the stick in your mouth and lighting it for you, the closeness of your face to her hands making you nervous. “pineapple cocktail and a rum coke?” you hear the vendor shout; the moment breaks and ellie pushes the lighter into her pocket before grabbing the two drinks, handing you yours before turning around and waving slightly, with the cigarette in her mouth.

“see you up there, doll.”

“bitch you will not believe what just happened” you say, finally making it back to where andrew and liliana were after having to shove through the crowd, almost spilling your drink all over yourself. “i just spoke t-“ the sound of screams interrupts your sentence and people push you and your friends forward, trying to get closer to the stage. you look up to see what is making people so eager, and see her. and holy shit, does she look good on stage. “how are we doing tonight, goldwhit grove?” she says into the mic, making the squeals of the girls around you erupt even louder, some drunkenly trying to take their shirts off before their more sober friends stop them.

after speaking into the mic for a bit about god knows what, you could barely hear her, she strums her guitar making people scream even louder. “what should we start out with?” she slurs into the mic. she looks like she’s on something, but what musician isn’t. you hear people screaming different names you haven’t heard of, before she says “she’s my drug? that’s all yall wanna hear.” she laughs before starting the song. it is her top song for a reason, it sounds phenomenal. you’re trying to enjoy your time, but the amount of people pushing you and stepping on your feet is annoying you.

after a few songs you hear her voice echo, “guys, let’s back it up a bit, you’re crushing people.” part of you wants to think she said that because she was looking at you, but you reality check yourself quickly. nobody listened, and you feel someone step on your heel for the hundredth time, finally deciding to say something.

“did you not hear her? i can barely breathe dude chill out.” you say to the drunken girl behind you. she looks angry, angry that you had the balls to speak up. she shoves you aggressively, making you bump into the person in front of you. now they’re mad at you too, for bumping into them so harshly. you try defending yourself when you feel a cold drink splashed on your chest. your final straw.

you shove your way out of the crowd, leaving behind your friends and deciding you’ll wait until ellie’s performance is over to join them again. once youre out, you make eye contact with the girl on stage. she has her head low and it almost looked like she was looking at you. you get lost on her, she’s playing so aggressively but strategically. before your imagination goes too far, you see her look around to the rest of the crowd, girls screaming when they look her direction.

you walk away, deciding to take a seat on the grass and light a cigarette while you wait. there were a lot of other people sitting around you, assuming they left for the same reason. you’re scrolling mindlessly on your phone until you hear a familiar voice.

“y/n?”

you look up, and it’s her. why the fuck did she have to be here? you were actually enjoying yourself, besides the few rude people, and she had to show up and ruin it all.

“what the fuck are you doing here abby?” you spit out. you’re furious. you haven’t spoken to her in a few weeks, and there were actually days you didn’t think about her at all. “hey, i was just trying to be nice. what are you all butt hurt about?” she says, towering over you sitting on the grass. she always made you feel small, not just physically, but mentally too. you sigh, not wanting to let her control your emotions any longer. the partially-distant sound of ellie’s guitar stopped, making it seem so much more quiet.

“you here with ava?” you spit out at her. she looks like she took that offensively, even though she was the one who cheated on you. “what’s that supposed to mean?” she says back, her tone becoming more aggressive. you push your cigarette into the grass, putting it out and standing up. “what are you wearing?” now that you’re closer, you notice her cheeks are red, and so are her eyes. she’s crossed. you know how she acts when she’s drunk, so you simply gather your things, trying to ignore the entire situation and join your friends. the people who were previously around you had gotten up to go back to the stage as ellie had gotten off.

“where are you going?” it sounds like she expects you to stay. to come running back. to cling to her. “to my friends.” you flatly state while walking away. you feel a hand grab your wrist. “i’m talking to you, y/n. it’s rude to walk away from people when they’re talking to you, y’know?” her tone is that of mockery. like you’re a child and she’s trying to teach you a lesson. “did the breakup make you gain that much weight? god i really ruined you huh?” you try to yank your hand away, “let go of me abby, seriously it’s not funny.” her grip doesn’t subside and only grows stronger, making you wince.

“she said no dude, can you not take a hint?”

you turn around and see ellie walking towards the conflict. this is so cliche. “are you a groupie now?” abby laughs at you, and as soon as she says that ellie shoves her off. as attractive as ellie was, abby was stronger. she was built, and she could take down almost anyone. “stop, this is dumb.” you say as they get close to each other. “yeah, yeah it is. don’t know why i’m getting all mad over a groupie slut. you can have her.” she says, walking out of the venue. you see a ditsy blonde girl following after her asking if she’s okay as she furiously walks, not responding to her. you try not to cry at her words, why does she still have such an effect on you?

“you okay?” you hear ellie asking you, almost forgetting she was there. “yeah- yeah. sorry about that. and thank you.” you say, extremely embarrassed while wiping your tears. she’s just looking at you. not saying anything. she didn’t know what to say.

“wanna go get a drink to cheer you up?”

that’s how you ended up in a random bar, with ellie fucking williams. after she asked you to drinks, she took you to the back stage, careful not to be spotted by any fans, where she grabbed her bags and headed for the exit. she was able to sober up before the ride home. while walking out, girls spotted her, running up and asking for her auto graph. she obliged for a few until one asked to sign her boobs, “i gotta go, girls.” her bodyguards following behind the two of you making them back off. you were expecting a van or a car, but no.

she rides a motorcycle.

she just got hotter.

lifting the seat, she tosses her bag into the large compartment, replacing the extra helmet which she handed to you. your heart was racing, you’ve never ridden on a motorcycle before. you nervously put the helmet on your head. “here, lemme help.” she says, pulling the band tightening the helmet ensuring it’s on tight, before tapping it lightly and swinging a leg over her motorcycle. she reached her bent elbow out, waiting for you to use her to help you get on. you grab onto her arm and swing your leg over, getting more comfortable.

“hold on.”

“so where’d you hear my music?” she says, babysitting another rum and coke looking at you intently. she was careful not to drink too much knowing she had to drive home. the two of you had been at the bar for two hours, just talking. a few people coming up every so often to get her autograph. “i actually just only heard about it the other day, through the festival.” you say shyly, hoping she won’t take offense. she laughs softly looking down. “i guess it’s a good thing for me huh? got another monthly listener and a pretty girl talking to me.” everything she says is so blunt, so easy.

you start to wonder how many other girls she’s charmed with the same line.

“wanna head out?” she says. “you can come back to mine- fuck, i can take you to yours. sorry, that sounded desperate.” she laughs, picking up the two helmets and your purse, handing it to you. with the bill paid, the two of you walked to her bike. she opens the door and waits for you to walk through.

“why don’t we go back to yours?” you say boldly. she looks surprised, and sets her helmet on her bike, placing yours gently on your head. she puts hers on, hops on the bike, and helps you get on.

“alrighty.”

you didn’t know how much you’d actually like being on a motorcycle. there’s so much adrenaline, she’s speeding through cars and air is whipping around the helmet. your chest is pushed tightly to her back, your hands wrapped around her waist. luckily, her wearing her helmet made it impossible for people to spot her, making it an easy ride back to her hotel, the only hotel in town. parking her bike in a designated spot, she holds her arm out allowing you to slide off easily, her following behind you. she opens up the bikes seat, grabbing her backpack, and locks it.

“we should hurry before someone spots you!” you giggle. the alcohol making you feel so light and ditsy, following her to her room like a lost puppy. she pulls the key out and unlocks it, holding the door for you and locking it after you. she tosses her things on the hotels desk as you lay down on her bed. smiling to yourself.

“what’cha smiling about pretty girl?”

you giggle, tapping the bed indicating her to lay next to you. “this doesn’t feel real” you laugh out as she crawls on the bed, “i mean, im living every gay girls dream right now, hello? i’m in a hotel with ellie *hic* williams!!” she laughs at your drunken state, reaching to the bedside mini fridge to grab a seltzer. “you’re cute, y/n”. your ears kinda perk up, not remembering when you told her your name.

“how do you know my name?” you say, squinting your eyes at her. she cracks open the can. “calm down, princess, i heard it when that dick was talking to you earlier.” you notice she becomes a little annoyed. “i’m glad i took money out of her pocket but fuck, i got douches at my show.” she takes a long drink from her can. your rose-colored glasses didn’t even care about abby right now, or how much ellie hated her from their first interaction, you just wanted more of her.

you snuggle closer to her, wanting to breathe her in. you’re on the left side of her, laying on your side as she’s on her back. the level of intimacy between the two of you makes your head spin. you guys just met. part of you feels bad that she, a fucking rockstar, probably wants more than a simple conversation and cuddling. you sit up slightly, trying to remove your shirt, “hey, what are you doing?” she says, looking confused. you’re struggling to take your shirt off, it being tight and you being drunk. “feel bad. you probably get girls eeeeveryday doin this.. know why you’s wanted m’here so- so i’ll do it.” your works are slurring and hardly making sense and you’re starting to get frustrated. partially from not being able to take off the uncomfortable shirt, and part from not wanted anything sexual now, not in this state and not when you hardly know her.

she grabs your hands and stops you, making you look at her. “hey, i don’t wanna do anything, ‘kay? we can watch a movie after i get you some clothes to change into.” you put your arms down watching her get up and get an oversized band tee. “don’know if it’ll fit, els.” you say, sadly. she turns around, waiting for you to try it on. “just try it, princess.” you try taking the shirt off again, but just can’t. you get so frustrated you start tearing up, making her turn around and help you. “m’gonna take it off okay?” you nod, lifting your arms as she helps you take your shirt off. “don’t look!!” you say, laughing and pushing her away. she turns around, laughing, “okay, okay” allowing you to put the shirt on and take your bra off from under the shirt. finally, you slip your skirt off.

“done!” you say, smiling watching her turn around as she makes eye contact with you, her face turning pink. she walks towards you, smiling down at you on the bed. “wanna watch a movie?” she asks, picking up a remote and a bag of what looks like joints, pulling one out along with the lighter in her pocket. you nod, asking “can i have one?” she closes the bag, replying “you’re way too drunk, sweetheart.” she flicks on the tv, putting on whatever shitty movie was playing on the hotel tv at the time. you both crawl under the bed, cuddling up into her. you hear a familiar click of the lighter, and the sound of the paper and weed burning. she plays with your hair, making you more and more sleepy, drifting off into a deep sleep state.

the next morning, you wake up unsure of where you are. you look around the room, its messy and there’s clothes, food, and drinks everywhere. you lift your head and look to the right and see none other, than ellie williams.

what the fuck happened last night?

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

feel free ignore this but i was just wondering when you started writing fics bc theyre all so amazing wtf???

ignore this sweet ask?? NEVER!!

so, to be completely honest, this is not the first time i've written and published fics!! though, i've NEVER received attention like this and it's so so nice!!

i've been writing little stories in my head for probs as long as i can remember. writing was just always something that i've done and i have distinct memories of crying to my mom about how hard it was sometimes when the words came out wrong or i struggled to spell them correctly. this would later be diagnosed as dyslexia but my mom made sure to get me the correct support i needed!! it still fucking sucks but whatevas lmao

also, my mom loved to write when she was in college!! and she was really good, too, but she gave it all up to marry my (stupid ass) dad and raise my sister and i. but that's a really sad story for another day.

BUT i wrote some crappy mcu fanfic on here when i was like 10?? really really bad i hadn't even seen all the movies when i wrote that i just thought bucky was hot lmao- (do not go looking for that shit i will cut you- i don't even know how you would find that but no! bad!)

then, during covid, i had a fever dream the night before christmas (deadass im not being funny) and started writing fanfic for...ugh i can't believe im gonna say this but it was sherlock lmao-

like...legit 12 books. each with like eight to nine chapters. it basically followed the plot of the show EXACTLY except for with the add in of my oc lmao. that's posted on wattpad (again. i will commit crimes to keep my name away from that shit lmao- i tried rereading it the other day and nearly died from cringe)

OH AND I WENT THROUGH A CRINGY ASS POETRY PHASE LMAO THOSE WERE BAD BAD- tbh might be willing to share them to strictly laugh at but idk where i would find it anymore bc i feel like ive scrubbed it off my phone-

all that to say, i've been doing crappy writing for a very long time, but this is the first time that i've actually felt really proud of my work. also, you're such a sweetheart to ask this and it was so fun to reply to!! i really do love yapping yall up!!

anyways, hope this made sense and i WILL find you if you so much as THINK about finding my old fics lmao-

[miuszn]

Ok i Just found my new fav writer 🤍so i NEED to ask this ( do It only if you want)

What about an ellie x fem!reader where they go out on Patrol ,they run into a lot of zombies of every type , ellie gets bit and reader sees It so now ellie needs to explain the whole immunity thing and reader believes her ,

They go back to Jackson where Joel (lets Say he skipped golf lessons this time) finds out and freaks out and gets mad at ellie cause She wasnt supposed to tell anyone so he wants ellie to break up with reader but ellie doesnt want to so they fight and ellie goes back to reader for comfort

Its up to you if Joel and ellie fix this whole argument thing

(also Sorry if my english Is perfect🤍)

hiii anon <33 first of all i’m so honored u consider me ur fav writer i never expected to get so much love from the community so fast im rlly grateful to all of u hehe <33 . anyway , i rlly love ur idea !! i decided to write a short drabble instead because i’m working on another fic but i still wanna post some stuff while i’m working on that , hope ur fine w that 🥹🩷 ( note : this is an alternate universe where ellie already forgave joel and they were starting to fix their relationship .. also this might be kinda ooc especially joel bc i’ve never written him before eheh )

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

you weren’t sure how it happened. you were only gone for a second, you swore, and somehow ellie got bit. you knew it was a bad idea to leave her in a room full of clickers, but you knew she was strong and should’ve been able to clear them out with ease. the second you saw the small bite mark on her hand, you realized what had happened. your heart sank. in a panic, you burst into tears and kept apologizing over and over for about 15 minutes until ellie was able to calm you down and explained to you that she’s immune, leaving out the details of the whole situation with joel and the fireflies. of course, you didn’t believe her. it seemed ridiculous. how the hell would someone be immune and not be out there in some lab being researched or whatever, like in movies?

it took you a while to believe her, but eventually, you did. you helped wrap her hand with bandages so no one would see the note mark, because the less people knew, the better.

you were distraught for the rest of the day. you felt horrible. she kept telling you there’s no need to keep apologizing, but you still felt the need to. what if that had been someone else? what if ellie wasn’t immune? how the hell was she immune in the first place? so many questions ran through your head.

later that night, you laid awake still thinking about today. you were disappointed with yourself for what you did, yet still so confused.

you heard some knocking on your window, and looked out to see ellie. you opened your window and let her in. she sat on your bed next to you.

“what’re you doing here?” you asked.

“just wanted to check on you,” she replied, “and. uh. joel’s kinda mad.”

you were confused. you wondered how he even found out, but it’s like she read your mind and answered.

“i told him about what happened today. just casually. and he completely lost it.”

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

“i can’t believe that girl let you get bit.” joel wasn’t even looking ellie in the eye. he was extremely disappointed in both of you.

“it wasn’t her fuckin’ fault, joel! i didn’t think anything bad would happen either! if you’re gonna blame anyone, blame me-“

“i’m blamin’ the both of you! what the fuck did you think was gonna happen back there? leaving you in a room full of clickers to fend for yourself? now one more person knows about you bien’ immune and all. god knows if she can even keep a secret.”

“what the fuck makes you think shes just gonna tell everyone? she’s not like that at all. why the hell are you acting like you don’t know that-“

“why the hell are you actin’ like that girl’s any good for you? all she does is get you into trouble.”

ellie went silent. she was shocked at how different he was acting. all this time he had been so nice to you, not once showing a sign of not trusting you or disliking you. she was conflicted, and in the heat of the moment, she just turned around and left, fuming with anger. she was starting to wonder if joel was actually right, but realized that was such a stupid thought. the worst part is, she wasn’t even sure if he meant it. now she didn’t know what to do. just as they were starting to fix things, life threw another curveball at them.

— 𓆩♥︎𓆪 —

you were hurt by what ellie was saying. his words just further fueled the thoughts in the back of your mind saying that this was all your fault. but ellie realized this and tried her best to comfort you. she kept saying it wasn’t your fault, that she fucked up too, that she’s sure he didn’t mean it and he was just angry. while you were hurt by his words, that wasn’t your main concern. you thought about how this incident just further damaged their already broken bond that they’ve been trying to fix these days. you felt like because of you, all that progress was thrown away in less than 24 hours. and it was an ugly feeling. you felt even worse than you did before, and you didn’t know what to do.

“ellie..” you placed your hand on hers, “i’m sorry.” you started to tear up.

“hey..” she pulled you close and hugged you.

“it’s just.. i don’t know what exactly happened with you and joel. you don’t have to tell me. and everything is getting better now and i’m just scared i’ve ruined it and i just-“

“hey,” she interrupted you, “don’t worry about that, okay? it’s not your fault. i’ll.. i’ll figure it out. you don’t have to worry about me and joel. we’ll be fine.”

“are you going to forgive him for it?”

“i’m not sure,” she sighed. “if he didn’t mean it, maybe. but if he did, i doubt i can.”

“i don’t want you to lose progress with him just because of me..”

“we’ll be fine. please.. just.. stop worrying, okay?”

you nodded hesitantly.

while the guilt of possibly extending the process of ellie’s forgiveness of joel would continue to exist within you, at least for as long as it took her to finally reconcile with him, you were grateful to have her by your side. and you were sure to be with her every step of the way.

[kamiversee]

OKAY LAST MSG BEFORE I SLEEP IM SORRY FOR SPAM 🍦anon i got u girlypop i’m like 90% wrong most of the time and just highly emotional in my breakdowns but trust i got u

kami i love u dearly, i know you’re not supposed to have favorite anons but u are my favorite author mwuah i’m sorry for sending u the burj khalifa in text form <3

kami i need that Not My Neighbor au expeditiously i need to save some cows and ride these jjk milk men

also 🩷anon cooked with that theory that Choso might be in on the list too wtf i’m gonna look in my notes later today bc that’s such a fun theory to consider

-☃️

UR FINE !! & 90% wrong my fuckin ASS. This woman caught every ounce and drop of foreshadowing AND connected it to this bomb ass theory-- don't let her fool you guys TnT

Oh, but I will say, of all that you said (despite me not posting my response to it yet), you've caught everything except for the Sukuna detail I told everyone about ^.^ but again, like I said in my last reply, I'll explain this more when I breakdown your breakdown!

& I don't have a fav anon.... totally... haha... ANYWAYS, I love you & all my other anons soooooo much, you guys really make this whole writing thing all the more fun :)

I AM CONSIDERING A NOT MY NEIGHBOR AU FRFR, for example; imagine Geto Suguru is one of your neighbors but then you have Kenjaku as his doppelgänger?! HELLO IT WORKS PERFECTLY IN THAT ASPECT? Then with like, Toji, you have just regular ol' him as your neighbor & then the later vers of him (with the darkened eyes) as his doppelgänger?! Guysguysguys PLS I would cook so hard on this fic OMGGG (No one steal these ideas of mine, I will find you.)

Lastly, there is another theory I have in my inbox to reply to and I'm noticing most of y'all are on the same track (some right, some wrong but same track nonetheless).

[joanna-lannister]

For the fandom ask! ->8,12,17,18,19,24! I might have asked too many, so pick and choose as you like!! No pressure of course

Hi! Oh no, don't worry, it's not too many! I had fun answering them! Thank you so much for the ask ❤️✨

8. Fandom you're a part of that's the most obscure?

Can I say the JC fandom? Because it's a very small, unpopular fandom, and not many people are fond of Jaime and Cersei together. So even if I'm very vocal about them, I think it's the most obscure one I can think of.

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

Oh, I think it would be getting my JC tattoo! It was so big on my arm, I was scared at first, but now I'm used to it.

17. Favorite blog(s) in your favorite fandom?

The JC fandom is kinda dead to be fair but I would say:

@musical-chick-13

@imnotwholewithoutyou

@alexcabotgf (she hadn't posted JC gifsets in a long time, but her old ones are 👌🏻)

18. All-time favorite fanfic?

"therefore each to other bound" by copacet! This fic gave me everything I ever wanted, and the characterization is perfect.

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

Hmmm, I read "therefore each to other bound" a lot tbh, almost religiously. But I'd say "Until Death Do Us Part" by my friend Annie. It's a Modern AU where Jaime and Cersei are married, and I love it to pieces and keep reading it over and over again.

24. Funniest fandom-related story?

OMGGGG Once upon a time, I blocked another JC stan on Tumblr. Her behavior was really "Meh", very childish behavior, and she kept trying to fight br*imes. And so, I blocked her because I didn't like the vibe she was giving off and she was annoying. Girly got MAD, like mad MAD and everytime she tried to make friends with other JC stans, she used to shit on me. Once, years later, she tagged one of her fics "it's better than most of the Pentos AU you'll read" or something along the lines, and it pissed me off, because you don't shit on your fellow writers, especially in such a small fandom, so I made a vague post about it on my blog. I didn't mention her, only in the convo I had with my friend in the replies. But Ma'am was STALKING MY BLOG, LITERALLY. And a few days later later, she wrote a WHOLE LONG ASS POST about me on her blog, saying I was insane and unhinged. I found out because someone send me the adress of her blog. And honestly? It was hilarious, to see her still being mad years later after I blocked her as if I had murdered her whole family. I didn't say anything about that post because it made me laugh and I don't know what she became, but I do know AO3 banned her for her behavior.

[onedreamaday]

Once again, this is all @im-pure's fault, based on this post. They enable my angsty side so much.

They are the worst enabler /jk

I had this song on repeat while writing.

Can be seen as a follow-up to this, which takes place a few months later.

This was supposed to be an introspective kind of fic, but Liz sorta bullied her way into being here. Then it turned into Bax and Liz being catty in-laws. (but not really, they just mostly snark at each other- it's out of love)

TW 's apply here: character death and mentions of depression/depressive episodes. Remarks of implied alcoholism (Liz accuses, Baxter denies, but nothing is confirmed.)

Sidenote: Liiy didn't bother changing her last name when she and Bax married. One, she kinda doesn't see the point in changing her last name. Two, she found out how much of a hassle it was to do if she did change it and wanted nothing to do with that paperwork.

Elizabeth Last, Baxter is starting to truly realize, is an unstoppable force of nature when she wants to be. Case in point, she has apparently made it her life's mission to show up unannounced whenever she's in town.

Since she doing some type of job near Prima Vista, that means he's been seeing her a distressing amount.

Liz does, at least, knock first before she opens the door, using a key Lily gave her years ago. The light spills into the room and it's do bright, Baxter involuntarily lets out a curse. It's way too early for her presence. He checks the time on his phone, which reads 10:54 am.

There's the smell of food and even better, coffee. A peace offering, then. He'll take it. And mentally prepares of whatever uncomfortable topic she feels she needs to talk to him about.

He groans inwardly. Lily, he imagines, would find all of his hilarious. She was always far more patient with her sister's antics than he could ever be.

“Really? All you've been doing is drinking?”

Ah, an old topic it is then.

Baxter rubs eyes and sighs. “I didn't drink that much,” he says.

Liz hums. “That bottle of whiskey is suspiciously empty.” The tone is light, but the accusation heavy. It sets Baxter on edge.

“It was over the course of a few days,” he replies bitingly. “After work, and never excessively.”

“Oh great, you're back working. I was worried you'd be living on the couch, growing mold.” Liz places the food on the table. A veggie omelet with toast. Simple but decent.

“Unfortunately, my rent and bills don't care if my wife is gone and my depression refuses to go away.” He surprises himself with how flippant he can say that, and going by the look on his sister-in-law's face, perhaps she has the same thought.

There’s silence as he eats, and he notices Liz's eyes keep drifting to a stack of papers.

Or rather, the letters he's written to Lily since her passing. They help, sometimes. On the days where the grief is all-encompassing. Where he watches old videos on her phone just to hear her voice. There’s a voicemail on his phone from her on his phone he refuses to delete.

“You can read them,” He tells her. “It's not as if there anything particularly embarrassing written there.”

He flashes a grin; it feels weak on his face. “There's nothing to blackmail me with, I'm afraid.”

Liz hands lingers, as if she's unsure before she takes the topmost letter. “Other than that monstrosity dyed hair you had when you first moved to Sunset Bird.”

“Lily found it charming.”

“She had terrible taste. How she liked it, I'll never know.”

“I might add, she wished I never stopped dyeing it that way.” He finishes eating and takes the plate to the sink. There’s not much to wash, but Baxter cleans the dishes anymore, moreso to give him something to do.

There’s silence between them, but it’s not tense or heavy, despite their banter earlier. Eventually: “You have the most flowery writing I’ve ever read.” Liz pauses, her eyes softens as she reads. “She fell in love with such a dork.” She returns the letter back to the stack, but doesn’t reach for another. “She would talk about you a lot, after that summer.”

That surprises Baxter; the way she acted after they met in the restaurant three years ago, he suspected she wanted nothing to do with him. “I honestly thought she hated me for a while there.”

Liz smiles. “Lillian Last actually hate anyone? I highly doubt that. If she was willing to give Shiloh and that Jeremy guy a second chance, she definitely was gonna give you one. She was just being dramatic. She’s good at that.” A pause. “Was good at that. Sorry.”

Baxter nods his head. He understands completely. There are days when he thinks of Lily in the present tense; sometimes he expects her to come walking through the door, talking excitedly about her job. He misses those moments when they cooked together (or attempted to, in Lily’s case. She was a bit of a disaster in the kitchen.)

He misses the floral perfume she would wear, the way she would laugh when he swept her up into an unprompted dance, her snuggling up next to him even if it was absolutely sweltering from the summer night.

Liz leaves with a well-meaning snark, telling him she will beat his door down if anyone hasn't heard from him in a few days. Entirely unnecessary, but he understands all the same, and it's well deserved. His attempt to go no contact had everyone thinking the worst and the last thing he wants to do is put his friends and family through all the stress again.

Baxter looks at his stack of letters; his fingers itching to write another is too hard to ignore.

Giving into temptation, he sits and writes, pouring out feelings he can't get himself to say out loud. He finishes it with

"In the afterlife, or wherever you are, do you miss me as much as I miss you?'

[jovenshires]

💛Smoshblr December Asks Final Day💙

We‘ve done it! We’ve finally reached the end of this lil ask game and also the end of 2023! 🥳 Thank you so much for joining in on this, I truly appreciate it so much 🫶! I wish you a wonderful start into the new year and that all your hopes and dreams for 2024 will come true! ✨💞

But, since the year isn’t quite over yet, I thought this might be a nice time to reminisce a little bit. Therefore, the final question of the Smoshblr December Asks Game:

What are your favourite smosh-related memories of 2023? 💖

(no specific amount required for this one; and you can ofc also include older smosh memories, if you want to 🤗)

oh my god........ im emotional fr. this was so, so, SO much fun and stella, i will speak for EVERYONE you sent these asks to when i say that we are all so grateful to YOU for organizing it. you brought the community together in such an amazing way, asking us thought-provoking and interesting questions, a lot of which i never would have thought to ask. and yet i got to learn all my mutuals' answers anyway!!! it made me feel like i really got to know everyone, even the people im too scared to start a convo with bc i am a Coward. i love you, we all adore you, thank you SO much, and i cant wait to see where smoshblr goes in the new year now that we are all closer than ever <3<3<3<3<3

okay so...... okay okay okay okay HERE we go. im gonna put it under the cut bc this got SO long but if you want a tl;dr summary, please by all means go check out this video i made at the beginning of the month bc. it sums it up tbh.

making all of my amazing friends: i am literally. an emotional wreck just thinking ab this. anyway. i've already been sappy enough this year (from my christmas presents to my many many personal posts and asks that are just. me talking about how much i love these people), but i would still be remiss if i didn't mention my beautiful, wonderful friends. im not gonna tag them all here - it'd be too many and you all know who you are <3<3<3 - but to everyone i've dmed for hours on end, or talked to in replies, or mutuals i've never even spoken to at all, or anons who come into my askbox and just have the most wonderful interactions with me, i am so, so eternally grateful. i made new friends; i reconnected with one of my best friends in the WHOLE world; i met some people who i never would have spoken to otherwise and found such an incredible community. i love you all so so SO much (yes ALL of you even if you think im not talking ab you if you're reading this i AM), and i am so excited to see what happens with all of us next. love you all. mwah. <3

domo day/my birthday: oh my god. OHHHH my god. literally the fic that brought me back to this fandom. i am not crying its fine im FINE. domo - aka dancing on my own - was a passion project from the very start. i thought, 'well, no one will wanna read this niche lil fic that im writing just to deal with My very personal trauma about an rpf ship that no one cares about.' (mind you i started it before i even posted right side, so, like, i literally thought it was just me standing on a deserted island.) and then five or six months later... there we were. i posted it on my birthday (bc i Live for drama !) and god. the amount of love and support i got that day was... everything to me. when i said this was a passion project, i mean that it was truly one of the first things i sat down and wrote For Myself, without giving a fuck what anyone else would think. it was something i poured my heart and soul into because i needed to read it. and when other people started to reach out - telling me how much they related, how much they got from it, how much it meant to them. then there was the analyses of it from everyone,,,, not to mention the birthday love. my birthday is a HUGE thing for me, and, as i told you at the time, you were the very first person to wish me a happy birthday stella (with that incredible moodboard that i think of frequently........ the rat.........). and then kit went and published bad idea and gifted it to ME which was such an incredible and treasured gesture and... truly some of my irls forgot to wish me a happy birthday so. im just so honored and i love you all so much. thank you for loving me and my dearest darling daughter domo <333333

shaynse day: this literally isn't even about me, it's honestly about nat, but this changed my brain chemistry and i think everybody's tbh. it was the way that the MOMENT the love is blind video dropped, we all gathered around my blog to hold hands, sing kumbaya, and all hail the shaynse anon (aka now shaynse founder nat). they had their third eye OPEN. and everyone had to come check on them to make sure they were okay. that meant so much to me. not only did it mean that enough people were reading my blog that an anon had their own niche subset of a fan base, but it was truly like. one of the best displays of fandom togetherness i've ever seen. we were all so united that day. god bless november 19th, aka shaynse day, my FAVORITE national holiday.

gedits: i really Dont think i have to explain this one. this is one of my favorite bits (but also its not really a bit and i genuinely wanna fuck that old man). making thirst traps for garrett? oh my god. stroke of actual genius. once again another day we all came together, held hands, and decided we were ALL gonna be garrett fuckers. long live gedits. they will never stop and im NOT sorry about it.

the bsf fan art: i have literally never had fan art made for my fic before...... i screamed and cried and threw up when someone made fan art for the bed-sharing fic. furry-jackson is my hero and this fan art lives in my mind RENT FUCKING FREE. it truly imprinted itself on my brain and i think about it all the time. thanks so much to them for loving i could be the reason as much as i do <3333

the top ten dynamics poll: !!!!! my baby!!!! i truly thank you all so much for indulging me by voting in that silly lil poll. it was so SO interesting to see the way the dynamics stacked up. not to mention, it also got me into gif-making again!! that was the first time i'd made gifs in ages, especially gifs i was proud of. but i love that silly lil gif series so much, one of my favorite projects of the year, so thank you all <3

smoshblr december asks: i mean. i said it all up top, but it's worth mentioning again. this was so, so, SO much fun, and it must have been such hard work for you, and i am honored that you did all this work for US of all people when you are so busy and talented and working so hard just in like. YOUR LIFE. honestly, this whole section could just be called 'stella,' bc i am so, so grateful for you especially coming into my life this year. whether we're working together on fic or just chatting about our lives or shouting back and forth about why EVERY taylor swift song is in fact a spommy song, i am just so lucky to have you and i love you so, so much. you always tolerate my shenanigans and i am SO incredibly lucky to have you as a friend. anyway. yeah i love you and smoshblr december asks so there.

[xflippinfrogx]

Don’t Be Such A Buzzkill

A/N~ Heyy lovely people, just wanna let you all know that this is my VERY FIRST FIC!! Which I’m very excited to finally be writing.. If anyone has any suggestions or advice feel free to let me know. I’d love to hear any ideas you guys might have. Anywayy back to the point, I hope you like the fic and who knows maybe I’ll post more soon??🤔

FANDOM: Supernatural

WARNING: THIS IS A TICKLE FIC IF YOU DONT LIKE THEN PLEASE DONT READ

(slight season two spoilers but not really)

“Hey Sammy?” Dean said with a smirk. “Remind me to beat that buzzkill outta you later, okay?”

Sam rolled his eyes as he left the bar, not thinking much of his brothers comment.

~•~TIME SKIP~•~

After the whole ordeal with Gordon the two brothers found themselves another crappy motel that would be their home for the next few days. They enter the room and before Sam can even turn to face his brother, Dean has him pinned to the bed.

“What the hell man!?” He tries to escape but his struggle has no effect. Dean laughs at his little brothers attempts to flee but still doesn’t let up. “I think you know what I’m doing Sammy, or maybe you’ve forgotten our little chat from earlier huh?” The realisation finally hits Sam and his eyes widen. He begins to tug on his arms trying to shake off his attacker.

“Dean nonono plehease dohont, I’m sorreheheyy!!” He pleads but it’s no use.

“Hmm let me think about that.. NOPE!!” He digs right in between his ribs. Sam bucks his hips as streams of giggles pour from his mouth.

“DehEan wehe can tAhalk about thihAHAHAHA NO STOHOHOP IHIHIT.” His whole body spasmed as Dean began pinching just above his knees.

“My god Sammy I can’t believe I forgot how ticklish you were! You look like a fish out of water dude.” Dean chuckled letting go of his poor brother.

“I hate you so much.” Sam panted curling in on himself. He slowly regained strength and shoved Dean with his foot.

“Hey man this was your fault, being all grumpy back there, you were practically begging me to wreck you.”

Sam could feel his face reddening as his brother teased him.

“Aww are you embarrassed Sammy? How cute, I’m sure that pretty waitress you like back at the bar would loveee to see you like this.”

“Shut up Dean I don’t like her like that!” He replied becoming even more embarrassed than before.

“Mhm sure you don-” He’s cut off by a pillow being thrown at the back of his head.

“Ok now you’re asking for it.”

“NOOO IM SORREHEHEYY”

Sam’s giggles filled the room once more, but little did Dean know his brother would soon remember that he was just as sensitive if not more. Revenge would soon occur in the Winchester room.

A/N~ Sorry for another note bUT OH MY GOODNESS I DID IT I ACTUALLY FINISHED WRITING MY FIRST FIC!!! I really hope it was ok and please feel free to send in suggestions for more fics in the future <33

[cutestkilla]

Happy Sunday everyone and thanks for the tags @martsonmars and @aroace-genderfluid-sheep. Your WIPs are so so excellent!

Here we go, six more random out of context sentences from the epilogue of What's Left, which I will be posting later today. I can't believe it's over! What a crazy four-and-a-half months it's been, spending virtually all of my free time writing this story. I'm going to take a bit of a break, but I have lots of art WIPs to finish (and I did outline another multi-chapter fic idea yesterday, so there's that). Anyway, snippets ahoy:

Add them to the list of things [...] I never knew I would be into, right above extreme competency at programming a universal remote.

I’d flatly refused to be the Billy Bob Thornton in our relationship, in this, or any other scenario he might cook up.

“Well, it’s not what you have, is it?” [he] replies, sagely. “It’s what you do with it. I should know.”

He and I had a long chat about what the filmmakers got right and wrong in Harry and the Hendersons last night, and whether that Joe Cocker song that plays over the end credits is better than the Joe Cocker song that plays at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman.

I don’t want to want him to love me. I know it’s fucked up, but part of me does anyway.

[S]he wants [him] to have to do a walk of shame like Cersei Lannister in season five of Game of Thrones.

No pressure tags and hello to everyone under the cut!

@creepyspice @fatalfangirl @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @captain-araliasi @artsyunderstudy @bookish-bogwitch @gekkoinapeartree @ivelovedhimthroughworse @whatevertheweather @wetheformidables @facewithoutheart @johnwgrey @urban-sith @technetiumai @takitalks @moodandmist @angelsfalling16 @excalisbury @mrskrementz @sillyunicorn @confused-bi-queer @forabeatofadrum @kherub @letraspal @bazzybelle @phoxphyre @ileadacharmedlife @frjsti @aristocratic-otter @tea-brigade @mostlymaudlin @im-gettingby @otherworldsivelivedin @basiltonbutliketheherb @palimpsessed @messofthejess @nightimedreamersworld @shemakesmeforget @papercut271 @ionlydrinkhotwater

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #121

1. Hi, thank you so much for everything you do! You really are an angel. Would you be able to help me find a fic? I'm sorry I don't have much to go on, but I know Crowley had a cat 'dæmon' which was basically his love/pining for Aziraphale made into material form. I've been looking for it, but I don't know how to search for it. Thank you again! - anon

2. Hello! Im looking for this fic where Crowley would try to scare Aziraphale, but one day it causes a flashback (maybe PTSD related) and Aziraphale tells him that he usually can hear Crowley coming but couldn’t this time? It was really cute and I wish to re-read it. Thank you for this blog; it is truly a treasure in the good omens fandom :) - @zuesue

3. Hi! I wanted to ask because I seem to once again have misplaced some fics. One of them I hardly remember anything about, except the fact that Aziraphale's eyes were originally brown and he changed them, with a footnote that says 'of course, this was before such eyes became de rigueur in romantic novels' more or less. Another one has Crowley finding a Victorian bondage picture and asking Aziraphale about it. And the last is about Aziraphale getting summoned and finding Crowley really hurt in a church because the priest saw his eyes and tried to exorcise him, which makes him decide to give Crowley the holy water. Thanks for your help! Oh, sorry, and one I thought I had but apparently don't... It's about them starting a romantic relationship and the summary contains a sentence like this or very similar 'Aziraphale was fairly certain he knew what came next. Crowley had no idea' - @little-bloodied-angel

4. Looking for a fic from an outsider pov. I've been through that tag here but don't see it. Crowley was up on a monument singing, in a dress and made up. A deeply closeted drunk fellow wants to beat him up and his friend is trying to stop him. Aziraphale takes Crowley home, the friend takes the closeted one home with indications that the closet might be shed. Some years later the couple run into A&C again, where C is now in men's attire and roller skating/blading. - anon

5. Hey, I'm looking for a fic/series of one shots and I was hoping you could help me out. They were posted full on Tumblr not sure if they're on ao3. It's a human au where they live in an apartment together and Crowley does drag. There's one where they're coming back drunk after a show and another where they're eating strawberries on the porch of their apartment. It's very domestic and has elder gay energy. I know it's not a ton to go off of but let me know if you figure it out! - anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[kidflashimpulse]

Any yj fanfic recs, it doesn’t have to be just Bart or zetaflash. It can be anything! I’m just trying not to think about the cancellation lmao

im glad im answering this now instead of when I first saw it cause all this time I thought u were asking about fics in general and ive been trying to come up with some since and WHEW I have zero idea on where to start id be at it for hours. 

apologies for only replying now, ik this might've been more helpful in the moment but I was hoping my post on YJ status was somewhat helpful on the matter ! still imma give some reccs in case u need it in the future

though warning... I get the impression its entirely possible (very likely) u might have read them all already? im gonna try my best with variety but I can't promise u haven't read it already

for YJ, I have to confess....... I have tunnel vision for bart, I don't recall reading much outside/beyond him and those that I have, well since I don't archive what I read (one of my worst traits if u ask me), its not coming to me rn, but next time I read smn I wanna recc Im gonna try to remember to add it to this post as an edit lol

but for now...

Sunshine. Falling by @/radioactive-earthshine 

ok...so ik im gonna mostly be giving the stuff that ive bookmarked on ao3 (which isn't at all a comprehensive list, theres sooo much more that ive loved but I don't use my acc to read at all so I usually just free-ball it when trying to remember fics, and yes, its a habit I very much hate lol) and in fact, I wish I could mention them all here but I would be writing a novel if I spoke about each and every one of the so ur best bet is to just check that list out honestly 

and also, yeah its not a YJ fic, but I enjoy how it follows his comic characters run and builds on it. I find his characterisation in this fic rlly interesting and authentic (also Max being Native American there is everything, I actually have this whole theory/HC in YJ that Max is a Native American “God” (like the ancient greek/roman gods) i.e commonly known as Mercury, that just kinda roams about but is mostly in New Genesis (no idea where that thread/post is rn but I read someone connecting Lightray to Hermes/Mercury and since then that idea has been stuck in my head lol)) 

okay I have gone totally off track (im so sorry omg) im gonna try to keep it concise from here lol, anyway supper recc sunshine falling, the writing is gorgeous and the plot is rlly interesting! 

After the fall of Olympus by @/greycappedjester  

okay, im obsessed with this series, the world building is INSANE, the first fic in the series is basically a YJA AU where failsafe actually happened (whole flashfam except jay dies, but YJA bart still makes it to that TL cause he actually ended up dimension hopping rather than time travelling, or smn like that). To keep it short, his characterisation here is AMAZING, I love it sm, the second fic, flash facts is one of my all time favourites (if u ask me its the only canon take of his interaction with the rogues, cause don't get me started on how foul his comics history with them is (and not in a gd way)) so personally, this series, particularly flash facts, is just fantastic. it also very much explores other YJ/DC characters, (Dick is the central figure in AFTO and bart appears relatively later on and when the YJ Invasion plot passes, the plot focuses alot on other characters, especially considering its largely about Dicks evolution).

For zetaflash, I mean it quite literally when I say I think ive read almost all the fics under the tag... we are very much at that stage in the fandom, so yeah lol, quite a few of my faves are in my bookmarks but I haven't updated it in a while

Sooner than later, a Wally and bart oneshot on their YJ bond, its quite sweet, ft spitfire

Waking up to Ash and Dust  its incomplete (just one chapter) and quite an old fic, its also been super long since I last read it so I can't remember it clearly, gotta give it a reread but I remember it being a rlly interesting take on things so it stuck with me, basically an outsider POV of bart with OCs 

ill try to update this list when I can! and my bookmarks at some point too whilst im at it lol, hope u can enjoy these (if u haven't read them already lol) and im so sorry for the totally unwarranted random essay lmfao

[n7punk]

oh my god I hate to think you thought people weren't LOVING lmr chapter 4! seems like there really was a universal lag in people not seeing the update, myself included. maybe more of your followers like football than u thought...

i didn't know there was any football stuff going on lol. i know there Are A Lot Of Sports Fans in the world in general but my vibe of the catradora fandom is that our football-viewer percentage is lower than average, unless you're talking about women's soccer 😂 i also think it was influenced by the archive having issues that day (partially down) since i had at least two people tell me they never got an email. I also didn't really mention i posted it on here - which i don't always do for fics, but i had been doing for the previous the chapters. i usually only mention it if im posting something or answering an ask anyway and can tack it on without like, having to make a Whole Post dedicated to it (this is a theme that will return later in this post)

normally when i do fic notes, i include a "what's next" section, but i left it off this time because im not sure, actually! i was initially planning (like, back a month ago when i first started writing) to do an au next but it would be a Lot and my interest is swaying towards canon rn so i thiiiiink it will be some OotW fics since i have a few wips for that and one In Particular that i need to figure out if its a one shot, or multichapter fic, or like two or three fics in a miniseries. i have like a dozen wips rn so its really hard to say.

i actually only realized i was posting on valentines day like two hours ago when i was given someone's milk chocolate haul since they only like dark chocolate lol. honestly im a bad person to ask this because im not one for dates or gifts or any of the stuff valentines is based on. i dont like Special things i just like the little everyday stuff, so valentines seems like a chore to me and its hard to come up with stuff for it. it also depends if you're talking like, in a modern au or for the etherian equivalent of valentines day. my vague answer is just they take it as an excuse to spend an entire day together since they love being around each other, or they go on a fun little adventure they havent found the time for yet. i can see them doing stuff with glimbow "double date" style too.

the answer is both! i go days without messages sometimes (which works for me because i like talking to yall but it also takes energy) and then other times i get a bunch at once. messages naturally gather around talking points (specific posts, fic uploads) so like, ive checked my asks twice tonight and had a decent number of asks both times, but when i posted chapter three i waited a few hours to gather some asks before replying since i knew they would be trickling in for the evening as people read the update.

it's also taken me two hours just to type out the replies in this post (which might give context to my "asks take energy" thing) so during that time more messages can come in and be answered in the same post as long as i remember to check right before i go to post it.

i like putting them all in one post just because it makes my blog and the dashboard experience Neater so i do it when reasonable, but i dont usually wait more than a few hours for the purpose of collection, if i do at all. it also lets me reply to and acknowledge some messages even when i dont have anything to say to them directly (like, i didnt have a reply to that ahhhh anon on its own, but it made me laugh so i wanted to post it, and by putting it in a larger group i can do that).

oh thank you! i feel like its something im actually terrible at since i do have a tendency to ignore/delete messages when im not up to talking (in general, or just dont have anything to say on the topic/in response). i do really love my comments and message tho so thank you to everyone who leaves them! i hope the blanket thank-yous are enough because usually they're the best ive got lol

idk i feel like never figured out the social interaction of thanking people (even/especially irl), so it makes me not reply to comments much because i feel like the best i can do is a canned, one-sentence "thank you!" response (and, of course, that still takes energy as mentioned with spoons, which doesn't feel worth what it "gives back" you know).

actually, ive talked about this for so long, so let me just take a temperature and i can gather responses (or post replies, those are great too!) for a bit: 1) are comments sections usually just [thoughtful comment]["thanks!"] and im otherthinking this because i havent read other author's comment sections, 2) do you Care if an author replies to your comment or not, at least when it's not a question (like, does it influence your decision to leave one if you think they won't reply. i personally don't care at all which is probably where part of my whole thing comes from), and 3) if it does influence you, does a simple "thanks!" really add anything to your decision. im almost certainly not going to change my approach because it's what im comfortable with, but i would like to know if im expending an unwarranted amount of mental effort on this XD

i have before! it's called Let's Get Physical. frankly its just harder to write lol

(also going back to the gathering asks thing, this ask came in while i was writing this post and thus got tacked on right after i posted it)

i have more lmr asks but im waiting until morning because spoilers and i want to put the reply to one in the fic tag so i think that should be in a smaller, more focused post.

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning, lovie!! this kitten TT theyre so tiny i cant help myself TT 'what did i do?' exist 'I GOT A NEW OUTFIT FOR LISA!' oh so cute🥺 it looks so pirate-ish? 'i want to write ideas outside my reqs' if itll be easier than making reqs then do it. its ok. tumblr is nothing in comparison with your comfort. 'while rereading it i was like 'damn im really good at writing’' its good bc you are. hope you get out too. praying for you, m cutie. 'i want a hug from you for real' oh nooo sweetheart no need to cry. i only can give you dozens of virtual hugs but still luvluvluv u<з did you watch doctor who? i wanted to recommend s6 but then i understood there you cant watch just one ep bc 1-7 is the whole complete plotline💀 but it was so confusing and dramatic it worth it. 'ive seen crack edits' OH babygirl TT they had SUCH a drama TT i cried. there was my fav quote. oh what a good time it was... 'i cant write it im sorry' it fine you shouldnt be sorry! 'She loves her love for daemon more than daemon himself?' yes. 'i literally make mood boards' and its even more time-consuming? 'have not enjoyed writing a series in a long time' im glad to know you enjoy it!! 'i might really just stop writing for a while' if thats what you need then ok. you do owe nothing to anyone. its solely your choice. 'this post is really cute too' OMG YES its a leaf dragon TT and it has the paws TT 'im currently in class not listening because id rather reply to you' bad example for kids, catmom. but ok its good to know you already know it. its cute what you do to reply me<з r u better? 'its so hot my head hurts' FREEZY KISSES 'the fact you care enough to do that' OFC I DO. if i have symbols ill write one idea here. 'i dont want to fail' you will not. youre smart, talented and hard-working. you wont fail. youll graduate and everythingll be just fine. 'i also wanted to share this video about wolves' omg yes! its so.. reliving? its good to know nature has its ways. sorry i wasnt able to watch the tiger series as i cant really concentrate on the long vids and has been sleeping and dozing off for the whole day TT ill definately watch it later though. AJDHFJKF half an hour ago i was like hm i need to check smth on youtube and got completely carried away TT im back though. yk i read a fic abt shadow & bone then i did a research abt whole grishaverse so i learnt this universe and its (ESPECIALLY) language are inspired by russia in 19th century and russian and mongolian and i have LOTS of questions TT like??? ok this main idk antagonist(?) darklings name is alexander morozovA and its the fem form of last name while the fem character has surname safin but its a musc form??? and yeah the main characters surname starkov is also the musc form?? these are real last names here TT and while i can get why fem characters have musc last names 1) musc is the first form so its not rare to see musc words with the fem characters in foreign things 2) they dont derive from the real russian word BUT HIS last name???? its THE MOST common, traditional and productive way to make a surname its literally a rus word+suffix ov+ no enging if its musc or ending a if its fem. WHY??? so many questions and no answers (or i wasnt searching for them). and why tf they are GRISHA TT grisha is just the form of name Grigorii WHY TF the whole social group is called GRISHA? i have a few questions to the language but ok i wont be ranting too much. like i was SO amused. i laughed so hard TT ok i was about writing a fic idea but i got too carried away by this. so plss really let me know if you feel like it can spoil your mood or youre tired of others reqs. i consider it pretty (my bestie said its cliche and too suppy :( ) and would like too see it. but i dont want to force you. and you shouldnt do it to yourself! i dont want you to feel pressed bc of me. bc of anything really. sorry for this outburst. im still procrastinating (clown emoji bc the site i was taking them from became shitty). hope you do better. have a good day/evening/night! freezy hugs to feel a lil better! luv u! take care<з

HI <3

have you ever watched aristocats? i remember loving it as a child but also i cant remember anything that happened in the film besides the fact i love this kitty mari(? is that her name lol AHHAH) so much

good morning, lovie!! this kitten TT theyre so tiny i cant help myself TT

YES TEENY TINY KITTY <3

'what did i do?' exist

omg HAHAHA love that for me HAHA

'I GOT A NEW OUTFIT FOR LISA!' oh so cute🥺 it looks so pirate-ish?

oh does it. it just looks... cute to me HAHAHAH

'i want to write ideas outside my reqs' if itll be easier than making reqs then do it. its ok. tumblr is nothing in comparison with your comfort.

<3 <3

'while rereading it i was like 'damn im really good at writing’' its good bc you are. hope you get out too. praying for you, m cutie.

thank you i love you

'i want a hug from you for real' oh nooo sweetheart no need to cry. i only can give you dozens of virtual hugs but still luvluvluv u<з

did you watch doctor who? i wanted to recommend s6 but then i understood there you cant watch just one ep bc 1-7 is the whole complete plotline💀 but it was so confusing and dramatic it worth it.

lol ok once i finish my midterms ill watch that after watching one ep from the last of us. now i have something to look forward to now i have to finish my activities

'ive seen crack edits' OH babygirl TT they had SUCH a drama TT i cried. there was my fav quote. oh what a good time it was...

they look like they have so much fun, both in the show but also shooting it irl

'i cant write it im sorry' it fine you shouldnt be sorry!

T_T

'She loves her love for daemon more than daemon himself?' yes.

damn ok HAHAH

'i literally make mood boards' and its even more time-consuming?

but its part of the process. i love making art and moodboards <3

'have not enjoyed writing a series in a long time' im glad to know you enjoy it!!

<3 it is so much fun to write that. it sucks that i find it hard to write, though i did manage to make a pedro pascal fic again AHAHHA

'i might really just stop writing for a while' if thats what you need then ok. you do owe nothing to anyone. its solely your choice.

thank you my love

'this post is really cute too' OMG YES its a leaf dragon TT and it has the paws TT

THE BEANZ I LOVE THE PAW PAW BEANS

'im currently in class not listening because id rather reply to you' bad example for kids, catmom. but ok its good to know you already know it. its cute what you do to reply me<з r u better?

i never said you should follow my example. listen to your teachers kid. also idk if im better im usually out of it when im hungry im quite hungry rn but ill eat later after my grunkle is finished eating

'its so hot my head hurts' FREEZY KISSES

thank you. it rained today, so its not hot. your freezy kisses did that

'the fact you care enough to do that' OFC I DO. if i have symbols ill write one idea here.

T_T im just really hungry but this is making me emotional T_T

'i dont want to fail' you will not. youre smart, talented and hard-working. you wont fail. youll graduate and everythingll be just fine.

thank you <3 T_T

'i also wanted to share this video about wolves' omg yes! its so.. reliving? its good to know nature has its ways. sorry i wasnt able to watch the tiger series as i cant really concentrate on the long vids and has been sleeping and dozing off for the whole day TT ill definately watch it later though.

you dont have to watch the tiger series if you dont want to. i only shared it because i liked it and you shared something you like to me. i love the wolf video so much. i love nature. i love God. i love everything <3

AJDHFJKF half an hour ago i was like hm i need to check smth on youtube and got completely carried away TT im back though.

me HAHAAH

yk i read a fic abt shadow & bone

omg you like shadow and bone too <3 SLAY IM SO EXCITED TO WATCH S2

then i did a research abt whole grishaverse so i learnt this universe and its (ESPECIALLY) language are inspired by russia in 19th century and russian and mongolian and i have LOTS of questions TT like???

i know you dont have tiktok but there is this tiktok creator that is think is like... from one of the stan countries, and she talked about what you just told me, or things like that. its really interesting to know there is a grishaverse! good for you hahahh you can understand the russian stuff/inspo cause youre russian <3

ok this main idk antagonist(?) darklings name is alexander morozovA and its the fem form of last name while the fem character has surname safin but its a musc form??? and yeah the main characters surname starkov is also the musc form??

i think slay i love that for them i didnt even know that but they totally did it for me <3 HAHAH

these are real last names here TT and while i can get why fem characters have musc last names 1) musc is the first form so its not rare to see musc words with the fem characters in foreign things 2) they dont derive from the real russian word BUT HIS last name???? its THE MOST common, traditional and productive way to make a surname its literally a rus word+suffix ov+ no enging if its musc or ending a if its fem. WHY??? so many questions and no answers (or i wasnt searching for them).

i dont think i understand this anymore. AHHA i dont know enough about russian/russian names to get it AHHAH. maybe they did it for the aesthetic. are you watching season 1? or season 2? all i know is i was so sosoossosososo excited to see ben barnes my benny barnes who i keep having a crush on in every stage of my life. how dare he be so hot T_T

and why tf they are GRISHA TT grisha is just the form of name Grigorii WHY TF the whole social group is called GRISHA? i have a few questions to the language but ok i wont be ranting too much. like i was SO amused. i laughed so hard TT

it makes me wonder if the original creator of this world, the author or the books, is russian. i just looked it up, apparently she is israelli-american interesting lol HAHAHAH

ok i was about writing a fic idea but i got too carried away by this. so plss really let me know if you feel like it can spoil your mood or youre tired of others reqs. i consider it pretty (my bestie said its cliche and too suppy :( ) and would like too see it. but i dont want to force you. and you shouldnt do it to yourself! i dont want you to feel pressed bc of me. bc of anything really. sorry for this outburst. im still procrastinating (clown emoji bc the site i was taking them from became shitty).

jokes on your friend i love cliche stories. yum yum yum HAHAHH. you should have just told me my love. i love hearing your ideas, even though i have no intention to write them. i love you so much dont apologize for 'this outburst'

hope you do better. have a good day/evening/night! freezy hugs to feel a lil better! luv u! take care<з

im going to eat then do homework <3 i hope you have a wonderful day <3 take care ok

xxx

[9tzuyu]

the ties that bind us

note: this is just a vent, i’m not sure how much sense it’ll make. but it’s based on this post (just pretend this fic makes sense because it was really just a loose idea that got carried away.)

in other words: you’re talking to natasha without her knowing its you.

im begging you to be nice jsjddjdj this is probably cringey idk. mostly posting this for myself. i hope at least one person likes it though, idk.

i wont tag on this fic simply because its a vent :P dont wanna trigger anyone.

warnings: talks of eating disorders & depression. there’s a minor mention of self harm (brief description of scratching, nothing more).

thank u moli for proofreading i love uuuuu

. . .

natasha romanoff was one of the last avengers people would expect to have social media. everyone knew her to be an insanely private person, so the fact that she managed something so public was a stark contrast to their beliefs.

she didn’t post much, didn’t see much of a point in posting really. sometimes the spy would reply to fans, sometimes like their posts, and other times stalk their pages. that only happened once every few months though as social media was the last thing natasha worried about.

the most recent change in natasha’s life had been a new addition to the avengers.

you.

she hardly ever acknowledged your existence, let alone speak to you. for reasons unknown, natasha wasn’t too keen on getting to know you.

which, in a way, crushed your soul.

you’d looked up to the ex-assassin since before you were recruited. it was amazing to you how someone just a few years older than you could stand so strong, so put together, almost unbreakable.

since day one natasha underestimated your skillset and ability to function as part of the team. after a while, her lack of trust began to irritate you, but you managed to hold on to a sliver of hope that she’d someday let you in her little circle.

for now, as embarrassing as it was, you ran a small twitter account for the redhead. you already had a list of insecurities, it might actually kill you if anyone found out. your paranoia was what made you so protective of everything you did, touched, and left behind.

first thing in the morning you woke up dizzy, heart pounding in your throat, and your stomach hurt from being on over 40 hours of emptiness. then you’d gotten your ass chewed out by fury in front of the entire team for being reckless on a mission. everyone ignored you for a good bit of the day, too overwhelmed with disappointment towards your actions to speak to you.

lunch was an easy slip, but dinner was hard to get out of. you tried to go straight to your room but steve began to interrogate you as to why you weren’t having anything. you could feel natasha’s eyes burning in the back of your head with each question the super-soldier asked. nonetheless, you blamed your lie on a wave of nausea and made your way into your room.

after changing into baggy sweats and a t-shirt you plugged in your phone, ready to be done for the day.

you were half asleep when a blue notification lit across your phone screen.

8:06pm

natasha romanoff: i hate romcoms.

her tweet was very random, but very much natasha – punctual, straight to the point.

replies, likes, retweets and quote tweets quickly began to build upon each other in response to the statement. you fumbled, desperately trying to think of something to reply with.

8:07pm

alianovna: do you like horror movies?

of course you knew this, and you were sure people were flooding her mentions with the very same question, but it was worth a shot.

unexpectedly, natasha replied to you two minutes later.

8:09pm

natasha romanoff: love them.

your mutuals were freaking out, congratulating your notice. you’d be more excited had you not already known natasha and how she acted towards you.

but at least you could still pretend.

your fingers scrambled to type out false reactions. keyboard smashes and unreadable tweets filled your timeline. fifteen or so minutes later and a request notification appeared in your direct messages.

to your utmost surprise, it was natasha. you did a double check, switching between the profile and the message to see if it was really her. and it was. but surely she didn’t dm fans often, that’s not like the redhead at all.

8:24pm

natasha: read through some of your tweets, i’m sorry you’re having a hard time.

you’d completely forgotten about your little rant a few days prior. you didn’t have a lot of followers, so you didn’t think it mattered. just having a place to vent anonymously was more than enough.

natasha’s message had you stuck though. the very same woman who ignored your existence on a daily basis was now reaching out to you – well, a fake version of yourself.

8:25pm

alianovna: it’s alright.

five seconds later three little dots popped up on your screen, causing your eyebrows to pull together in confusion. why was she so quick to reply?

8:25pm

natasha: are you feeling any better?

alianovna: i’m as good as i can be.

8:26pm

alianovna: sorry i don’t mean to be rude, but why are you dming me? i’m sure there are so many other fans who have told you about worse situations.

natasha: call it a gut instinct.

you didn’t reply to her message after that, too unsure of what to say.

the ring of your alarm woke you up early the next morning. it was 4am and you were on a tight schedule. you reluctantly got up, body aching with every movement, and tiptoed into the kitchen.

you were up at an hour where no one else would be awake, which made preparing breakfast a lot less anxiety-ridden.

carefully, you sliced an apple and a few strawberries and placed them into a glass bowl. you were careful not to fill the dish to the top in fear of consuming too much.

unbeknownst to you, natasha watched your movements from afar, eyeing the tiny portions you made for yourself. she also noted the amount of distress you’d been in while you sat down to eat, it wasn’t normal.

the redhead had long since suspected something wrong with your relationship with food for a while now. watching your struggle only confirmed her assumption. a pang of guilt shot through her chest knowing she could’ve been a more supportive teammate. maybe that’s why she randomly decided to direct message a fan, to make up for her lack of encouragement on her behalf.

she left before you could see her.

. . .

the next few weeks were pretty routine. you’d be sent on small missions, come back to train (or in other words burn as many calories as you could), and occasionally hang out with whoever was around the compound.

oh, and natasha? you continued to anonymously text her, finding yourself growing more and more attached to the distant woman.

you’d tell her about how depressed you felt, how much you craved the touch of someone else – even if it was just a hug. when you’d tweet about something bothering you, natasha messaged you as soon as she could. and from what you could tell she hadn’t caught on.

the only thing that changed in the redhead was that she began to watch you more, increasing your discomfort around her.

today had been particularly rough for you, and you weren’t really sure why. no one scolded you for doing anything wrong thing, nor did they overload you with useless paperwork that took you hours to finish.

it was a relatively normal day.

but the frustration of dealing with your disordered thoughts seemed to be a bit higher than usual. you’d already snuck in your day's worth of exercise, and you kept your calorie intake lower than the day before – it just wasn’t enough.

not wanting to anonymously bother natasha, you went to your only other (somewhat) safety option.

10:08pm

alianovna: i wish i didn’t feel so alone.

you only had about 250 followers, so it didn’t really matter that you tweeted such a sad message because you already knew no one would reply. no one wanted to deal with it, mutual or not.

10:08pm

alianovna: the one person i thought i might be able to talk to literally hates me.

you added on to your thread.

alianovna: just having someone’s company would be enough. they wouldn’t even have to say anything. i just need someone. i can’t keep doing this on my own.

alianovna: i’m so sad, my heart hurts.

you slammed your phone against your bed, curling yourself in a ball. tear tracks were evident on your face as you began to think about everything you weren’t.

maybe if you pushed yourself a little harder.

maybe if you spoke a little louder.

maybe if you were an entirely different person – maybe then someone might like you.

your shitty coping mechanisms only reflected how you felt on the inside, not that anyone would ever find out though. you kept your guard as high as you could, which only ever resulted in complete isolation.

a ding came from your phone and you immediately knew who it was.

10:17pm

natasha: hey, what’s going on?

“oh fuck you,” you mumbled, too pissed off about the fact that you’d never really be able to talk to her.

you were angry. angry at the world. angry at natasha. angry at your team. and most importantly, angry at yourself.

10:41pm

natasha: please answer me.

seeing the urgency of her text to an anonymous fan only pushed your state of loneliness further into your mind.

and your lungs.

and your heart.

and oh my god, you couldn’t breathe.

your fingernails began clawing against your collarbones as a desperate attempt to try and ground yourself.

10:51pm

natasha: i hope you’re okay. i’m worried.

but that was just it – natasha didn’t care if you were okay, and she wasn’t actually worried about you.

10:51pm

natasha: it’s easier if you reply to me rather than have me hunt you down.

shit shit shit shit shit.

wincing at your raw, sticky skin, you looked down to find a light amount of blood on your fingernails.

“there goes peaceful showers,” you whispered. “fuck, how do i even reply? i fucking hate you, natasha.”

a lie.

you don’t think you could ever truly hate natasha. she didn’t even do anything wrong. what you hated, was how your expectations were met with resilience and insularity.

nonetheless, you shoved your emotions down once again and began to type.

11:03pm

alianovna: i’m fine. and for the sake of my own privacy don’t look for me. or track me down. or whatever you do as an avenger.

natasha: just please don’t ever do that again. i was so scared you’d done something you’d regret.

natasha: so are you ready to tell me what’s going on?

11:11pm

alianovna: doesn’t matter. goodnight natasha.

throwing on a pair of sweats and a hoodie, you shut your phone completely off and grabbed your keys. you weren’t sure who was up, most likely tony or bruce, but they’d both be distracted by whatever their latest project was.

you were doing fine until you bumped into someone. apologies almost began to slip from your mouth until you realized it was natasha. so instead of saying sorry, you shoved past her without another word.

natasha stood speechless at your behavior. yeah, she wasn’t one to talk to you despite how nice you continued to be, but she knew it wasn’t normal for you to shove her.

then she remembered the state of your wellbeing. your eyes were red and tired underneath, a clear indicator that you’d been crying.

she tried to catch up to you, but by the time she made it out, you were already gone. seeing you so upset didn’t sit right with her at all.

waiting for you was the right thing to do, natasha knew that.

you weren’t really sure where you were going until you pulled into the back of a hotel parking lot. it felt almost impossible to feel more alone than you did right now. you slammed your head against the tip of the steering wheel, not caring whether or not a honk disrupted the silence of those around you.

one thing you were sure of was that you didn’t want to go back to the compound, not right now at least. the urge to text natasha was almost overpowering, but every time you remembered how little she regarded your presence the desire vanished instantly.

too much was already crowding your mind and thinking about natasha only made things worse. so you put your car in reverse and sped off in a hurry.

natasha began to worry more each hour that passed, not only about her friend online, but about you as well. she backtracked your behavior as much as she could.

until something clicked.

she realized just how alike you and her online fan were. it couldn’t have been a coincidence that at the very same time she’d lost contact with her distraught fan, you were upset as well. natasha also remembered how unusually protective you were over your phone, never once letting anyone else lay a finger on it.

you’d even vented to her a bit about your food troubles, but she never thought too much of it because millions of people struggled with eating disorders.

on top of that, she always thought it was a little odd that her ‘fan’ never gave away their name. her assumption was out of privacy, but that obviously wasn’t the case.

and your tweets, specifically the one about someone hating you, there was no doubt that was a jab at her.

it made sense though. it was easier for you to talk to her as long as she didn’t know it was you.

natasha felt awful. you were struggling so openly and yet no one else could see it except for her, and she didn’t say a word about it.

the clock read 2:33am when you came back. it’d been the longest three hours natasha ever had to endure.

you came back to see the redhead sitting on your bed. natasha glanced up from her phone and lunged herself in your direction. she cupped your face, worried eyes scanning over your body for any signs of injury.

“you left…”

“i’m a free person.”

you moved to take off your hoodie, trading it in for a tank top.

“what happened to your collarbones?” your harsh glare met natasha’s green eyes. “that’s none of your concern.”

she swallowed, carefully trying not to startle you. “i think we should talk.”

“and i think you should get out of my room.” you snapped, turning your phone back on after hours of being shut off.

“did you not hear me? get out.” she winced at your tone of voice. “i don’t think you really want that.”

“seriously, get-”

“i know it’s you. alianovna? it’s you isn’t it?”

“if you’re so sure, then why are you asking me?” natasha kept quiet, eyes still firmly trained on you.

you could feel the lump in your throat begin to rise; and although you tried you hide it, your lip began to quiver. “please. please leave. please natasha,” you begged, voice cracking with shame.

“no.” she paused. “that’s not what you truly want.”

“you don’t even fucking care!”

natasha closed her eyes, trying to remain calm and collected. “but i do-”

“no, you don’t. you care about a version of myself that isn’t even fucking real. you don’t care about me. and that’s fine, i’m used to it by now. but don’t come in here to try and save your ass because you have a guilty conscience.”

she crossed her arms. “i’m not leaving this room.”

“well move so i can lay down. i’m tired.”

you weren’t sure why you were pushing natasha so far away when you’d been craving her comfort for months. perhaps it was because your secret had been exposed, maybe even because you felt like it was too good to be true. either way, your emotions were involuntarily controlling your choice of words.

natasha complied, watching you adjust yourself comfortably. she bit her lip, nervous to ask for such a risky request.

“can i hold you?”

touch, warmth, security, that’s all you ever wanted. and natasha knew how much you craved the comfort of someone else. that was her ticket in to make up for all that she ignored.

“i just cursed you out and now you’re asking to hold me?” your voice gave out at the end of your question.

“having someone’s company would be enough. they wouldnt even have to say anything. i just need someone.” she finished reading your tweet, vivid from her memory. “that’s what you said, right? i wasn’t there for you then, so if you’ll let me i’d like to be here for you now.”

“just don’t hog the covers.”

natasha smiled, relieved that you accepted her offer. she draped her left arm over your body while her right arm lay beneath your neck. a moment later she clasped her hand over yours, rubbing her thumb across your knuckles.

“why didn’t you ever give me a chance?” natasha’s finger movement briefly stopped. “i don’t know. i think i just became overwhelmed by the idea of someone else living here. i got so comfortable with how things were that, i dont know- it felt too much.”

natasha unconsciously pulled you in closer and for once, you felt a little less alone. she was warm, and her hold was more than protective.

“it doesn’t make it right, i know that. but i am sorry, and im not here just cause i have a guilty conscience.” 

“how did you know it was me? i never let anyone near my phone.” she giggled, not revealing the loose pieces to your mystery. “call it a gut instinct.”

natasha placed her chin in the nape of your neck, closing her eyes as she squeezed you gently.

a hug.

one you’d been wishing for since the day you met her.

“you know all my secrets.”

“i know all your secrets,” she confirmed.

“and you’re not going to leave me alone now, are you?”

“i’m not going to leave you alone.”

“which means i have to get help now, don’t i?”

“which means you have to get help now,” she repeated, holding your hand a little tighter. “but it will be okay.”

but things already felt okay around natasha.

“no. it will be better.”

[stuckylibrary]

Group Ask 189

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Please reply to this post if you know one of the fics mentioned in this ask. Thank you so much in advance!

Anonymous 1 asked:

hey!! looking for a fic where bucky almost freezes to death. steve finds him and helps him defrost and it gets smutty lol

Anonymous 2 asked:

Hello darlings! A while ago I read a fic from your library and now I’m not able to find it. Steve keeps searching for Bucky post WS I think? And Bucky keeps leaving flyers of Steve with the caption ‘Answers to: idiot’ or something like that. Hope y’all understood and thank you!

jesseofthenorth asked:

I am trying to find a post apocoliptic AU , no powers. I cant remeber a lot of the plot exceptt that it was well written, long and there was a motor home that they travelled in for a while. Not a lot to go on , I know, but i am hoping someone knows this fic. Thanks!

Anonymous 3 asked:

I've been trying to find a shrunkyclunk fic where Steve meets and dates Bucky and Bucky has no idea (for some reason) The Avengers keep asking Steve about his secret boyfriend and then another attack happens and Bucky got caught in the subway and he's holding a girl's hand and The Avengers helped him and he realizes steve is captain america.

Anonymous 4 asked:

hiiii do u know that fic where bucky wrote a letter that says "to my sweetheart" or something? i remember tony giving steve buckys belongings from the war and natasha helping steve bust bucky out of hydra. thank you!

Anonymous 5 asked:

i have been looking for a certain fic foreverrrrr and i just can’t seem to find it. the fic is where steve goes back in time post endgame and talks to bucky (??? i think, might be pre serum steve) and talks to him about the future and mentions that they get married. thanks for the help!!

veronicafercard asked:

Hi, I'm looking for a fic by I only vaguelly remember some details, wonder if you guys could help me. I remember that before the serum Steve was colorblind and his favorite painting was a vase of red flowers and after he got the serum he got emotional seeing the red in the painting and I think he later compares the color to the color of Bucky's lips. I think the painting was called something like "ornelas" or "orleans". Thanks!

Anonymous 6 asked:

Helllo, first and foremost I appreciate your blog so much! Second I forgot the name of the fic, where it’s during the war and Steve gets shot in the head with his helmet on and Bucky has to take him a hospital and doesn’t leave his side the whole time? Thank you so much!

Anonymous 7 asked:

Hi! I need help finding this fic i once read. steve and bucky and some other avengers are on some mission on a ship in the ocean and they’re like trying to catch this guy i think. bucky finds the dude and jumps off the ship with him and then the ship explodes but steve still thinks bucky is in the ship and gets real upset for a second. does anyone know what it’s called?

Anonymous 8 asked:

i’m looking for a fic where steve and bucky went on a mission and there’s some giant octopus monster fighting them. it’s from sams POV kinda and sam sees steve fall off the ship theyre on and bucky dives after him and then after steve’s all shaken up cuz the water was really cold. do you know what i’m asking about?

sanctimoniavincent asked:

I'm looking for a fic that I worry was deleted where it's like a decade after canon and Bucky breaks up with Steve because he realizes they haven't been aging. Bucky feels like he should give Steve an out because when they first got together and made promises to each other, they didn't know they'd be immortal. Steve thinks Bucky has fallen out of love with him. It wasn't a super long fic. I remember Steve goes to brood in the gym and seeing Bucky as his phone screen snaps him out of it.

Anonymous 9 asked:

Im looking for a fic but all i can remember is one of the last scenes. Post aou (i think) avengers are hunting tws until he shows up at the avengers compound one day and the avengers walk in on stucky making out

Anonymous 10 asked: dubcon/noncon

Hello there I've been looking for this fic forever. Bucky thinks sex with Steve is a bartering system to get his basic wants eg going out to a cafe. Steve doesn't realize it until the end of the fic and is horrified by the dubcon implications. Would really appreciate any help I can get. Thank you!

Anonymous 11 asked:

Hi I’m looking for a fic but I don’t remember a lot of what happened. I remember that Steve and Bucky went to go see one of Bucky’s sisters that was still alive and he met her husband too. I also remember that Bucky was scared to see her. I think that Bucky had some memory loss. Sorry if this isn’t enough! Thank you!!

Anonymous 12 asked:

Hi! Thanks for all you do!! I’m looking for a fic where Bucky is part of the mob I think and Natasha is in it with him. Steve is a prostitute and he starts staying with Bucky until they realize that they both like each other and Steve leaves. But Natasha helps him come back and I think Steve is an artist as well. I remember that at the end of the fic they adopt a baby they found on the straight and live together in a house. Thank you!!