Me, standing at the gates of amazon, holding a baseball bat behind my back: no guys, cmon, just let me in just for a minute! I just wanna know where Celeborn is, that's all, honest! What am I holding? Oh, nothing! You wouldn't part a person from their walking stick would you?? Now, just please point me in the direction of whoever took the real Elrond and I'll be on my way!
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okay so im staying the night at my friend's in my Uni City on sunday bc my maths exam is monday morning and i dont have any accommodation there anymore (which is really stupid on the uni i feel? like they expect kids to be paying the train and accommodation fares AND navigate the current rail strikes AND revise during heatwaves when they could just very easily in this post-covid world put the exams online? baffling) and this is my one coursemate that's super super good for me in that she's VERY disciplined and WILL yell at me if im not working like i should be. she's also the econ student who asked me in the corruption lecture if tax evasion is legal but that's neither here nor there. anyway my point is she lives locally hence why im staying with her and i cannot stress enough how much she singlehandedly holds my academic life together. like i am going to show up on her doorstep with all my notes and just burst into tears im sure of it
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finally online and thinking about how little will does in every instance we see jane being bullied. he’s no stranger to how shitty it feels to be singled out like that, to be berated and belittled, and yet all he does is stand there and watch, then try to help pick up the pieces only after it’s over. i know the suffer brothers have forgotten lonnie byers exists at this point but i unfortunately have not, and in cases of bullies both at school and at home most of his life, will never learned how to fight back. indignance is a fruitless endeavor, inconsequential to a man like lonnie, to kids grappling with adult hierarchies on the playground, to mind flayers prying their way in your head. anger is even scarier, something that always made his mom upset and his brother shut down like a machine powered off when it spewed from his dad.
he tries to learn fight instead of flight for the first time ever at 13 years old, and it just so happens to be in the face of an otherworldly monster. it’s an atrophied muscle since tantrums as a toddler were answered with intoxicated tantrums of the man of the house, and it’s never properly gotten the chance to build its strength up, or even believe it can. will knows this. �� of course he does, and it’s a contributing factor to his everpresent struggle in not feeling like a burden, a hassle to have around in his loved ones’ lives, so he tries to compensate with comfort, but by nature, it never feels like enough. not when the thing about comfort is that it happens after the hurt, never before, never prevents it. standing by when he knows exactly what kind of hurt jane’s feeling, and doing nothing, feels like a betrayal. if he intervened, it’s not like it would stop it from happening again, but even trying and failing would be better than nothing. considering all the times jane has saved his life and his family and friends’ before she even met him, it is quite literally the least he could do.
but it’s a trauma response, to freeze. one built from the crib to the upsidedown, to lock up or run away. he’s gotten better at the latter, but the progress is hard to feel when faced with jane’s misery by himself, without even the party that always helped him cope with his own bullies at his back.
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