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#im not supposed to know any of this but it pays to be friends w classmates who happen to work at the pharmacy where it all went down
binders-and-beanies · 3 months
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Doin bad again folx
#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable#summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400#literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all#not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due#able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much#my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one#i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts#nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops#I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness#I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too#bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that#+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me#my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life#on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them#currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn#I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief#but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors#despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee#Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse#fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn#mine#txt#vent post#suicidal ideation tw#<- cry for help
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s00nyoungie · 4 months
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pissed!!!!!
this girl (i never liked her) who's top in our class just failed her community pharmacy rotation because she thought she was too good for retail pharmacy and would just not show up and be so fking rude n snobby to the technicians and patients, but then she appealed the failure to student affairs and they just ... gave her a passing grade!!!!!!! because she's top of the class and they can't afford to have a failing student impact the school's graduation statistics!
so now the regional manager of that pharmacy chain refuses to have connections with our school, so no future students can rotate at this chain and none of us graduating this year will be able to get a job at this chain in this district... and its one of the best compensating chain pharmacies in the usa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS ONE OF MY BACKUP PLANS IF HOSPITAL PHARMACY DOESNT WORK OUT!!! AND SHE STILL GETS TO SPEAK AT GRADUATION im gonna throw a fucking tomato at her
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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years
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so upset and disgusted my stomach hurty </3
#mine#💿#im not upset bc of him im upset bc of something else but i wanna rant abt him anyways#he isnt good at holding conversations w me but tried to cheer me up which is nice. an attempt was made#im being less of a weirdo freak around him and distancing more ?? which is good i suppose#i love yandere culture and everything but i only want a yandere relationship thats not based on exploiting weaknesses#like a thing where each partner consents to whatever non traditional act etc. none of this weird stuff#the thing im upset about is sort of regarding my views abt it but not a ref to anything on here ugugugghrg#i dont understand why thered be people who want to see the light of their life in pain and hurting. its about worship and adoration#and treating your love like the object nearest to your heart. like an extension of you. not fucking abusing them#not abusing those who cant do anything for themselves. who cant fight back. who dont have the slightest idea#dont drag people into your sick fantasy just because it gets you off usdhwkffjdkgke im seething rn#anyway i tagged this abt my cd guy so i will continue to talk abt him. when he was messaging me i was very happy#i was so happy i could make him laugh and his happiness made me happy<3 but like literally i cant trust anyone anymore#i know one person cant take care of all my problems but i feel like they could contribute a little more. instead of ignoring me#idk maybe im being weird and everyone acknowledges me a normal amount.. i have irreversible damage in my brain<3#im being good about not obsessing. having other interests and goals. having a LIFE on my own without craving him everyday#i dont know if im doing it purposefully though or im just afraid. i know i am afraid but is that the only reason? i really am trying#i feel so heartbroken the way i felt more love when a cashier was being nicer to me than almost any of my friends#im like oh ill get doxxed writing that. but i dont think anyone is paying enough attention or cares enough to find me out anyway.#i will settle for second best even if it means they simply regard me positively :( i want to be liked so so badly. just for who i am#not anything like talents or appearance. just me. why doesnt anyone desire me for who i am? maybe its because who i am isnt the best yet#but i want to be loved even if im not the greatest and i dont think thats too much to ask. i want to be loved the way all humans love#but there isnt much of that any more. or if there is they sure have a funny way of showing it. im not supposed to rely on people for things#like this. but i cant just keep telling MYSELF i accept me. that i love me. because i know this already. im fine with me. but no one else#is. ive submitted to the ordeal of being known. to being vulnerable. to pouring my heart out. but everyone who touches it is filthy.#ive fixed myself to the best of my ability yet why am i not being taken notice of. i make myself look nice everyday. what does it take#its so sickening that its hard to find a kind person in the world. you ignore me. i was going to go great lengths to get you a present too#i was gna try so hard but its so easy for you to not try at all. oh well i cant cntrol others i can only sit being tormented by thr actions#i cant work hard enough to make you care about persevering. to not be indifferent. to not be boring. to not be neglectful
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silencesscreams · 6 months
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i can see you
james potter x best friends sister!reader (smut)
summary: james develops a strange feeling for sirius’ sister (reader) when she comes to london once her job required her to move. he first off thought she was a shitty person, an awful one with an awfully pretty face. so when sirius offers for her to stay in their loft until she finds an apartment, he decides he’s going to make her want to get out of there as fast as possible, until he wants her to stay more than anything in this whole world.
a/n: omg im so sorry this took so long, i tried my best w this one. also, english isn’t my first language so sorry for any mistakes. inspired by i can see you - taylor swift
warnings: mdni. smut with plot, afab!reader, use of she/her pronouns in reference to reader, use of y/n (I AM SORRY), afab!reader, being shorter than james, muggle & modern day!au, chef!peter, ships included (dorlene, marylily, wolfstar), swearing, cuddling, mentions of alcohol and drinking, a lot of physical touch, kind of public??, kissing, praise, v soft dom!james, fingering, oral (m receiving), light choking, size kink??, penetration, unprotected (don’t do this please), overstimulation
for the past two years, you started to have weekly calls with your brother, to update him on your life and know what’s happening on his.
you got transferred to london because of your job, you couldn’t find any apartments online and you were supposed to move the other week, being really desperate you told him about it, hoping he knew a real estate agent or something like that, but you were incredibly caught by surprise with his answer.
“thats such nonsense, you should just stay in my empty room until you find another place.” sirius said, his phone on speaker as he made a sandwich in the kitchen. james eyed him with a confused look on his face, but sirius decided to ignore it.
“really?” you ask, hopeful, you really could take a break from looking for apartments.
“of course. i mean, remus has practically moved into my room, so we just need to take some stuff of his out, but yeah, its no big deal.” james couldn’t help but look at him like he was crazy, remus’ room was right next to his, hell, remus’ room had a bathroom adjoined to his. james was starting to feel faint.
as soon as sirius got off the phone with you, he started blabbing.
“what the fuck, sirius?!” james said loudly, sirius sighed, putting his sandwich harshly on the plate.
“what now? i’m really just trying to eat here”
“your sister? really?” he looked like he was about to faint.
“she’ll pitch in on the rent, don’t worry about that” your brother tried to get him calm.
“oh please, i dont care about that! you know how i feel about sharing spaces” he was getting stressed, he couldn’t help it. “and you know how i feel about your family, i have been telling you to be more careful these past years but you don’t listen at all!”
it really had to be remus’s room? couldn’t peter just switch rooms and lend her his instead?
“she’s not like my parents, and neither is regulus, they didn’t do anything” sirius paused, “do your best friend a favor, will you?” and he knew he was going to.
“she’s not messy or nosy or anything like that, right?” james asked, giving into it fully.
“please, shes a cleaning freak, she’s worse than my mother” he paused. “that’s an exaggeration but she’s not messy at all, i swear. you wont even notice she’s around.” james doubted that, but he knew how much sirius missed his siblings, and he knew how fond sirius was of you.
james swore to himself he was going to get you to leave either way, he didn’t want you there and he didn’t care if he had to pay more rent because of it. he didn’t like you, he never did. even in school, before the whole sirius moving out thing, he felt weird around you. and he remembered that feeling very well, even if it was many years before, he didn’t feel like he could forget.
-
your moving truck arrived at the building a few hours before you, but when you got there, sirius had already arranged your furniture, which did make you a bit emotional. he had even bought a toothbrush, carefully arranging it in the right side of the cabinet, the side that pointed towards the door of the bathroom that led to your room.
the boys came to pick you up at the train station, you recognized them from sirius’ social media. they were everywhere.
you were extremely confused on why all of them had come and pick you up, you were hoping to see your brother standing awkwardly, instead he was there with all of his roommates. you felt like you were a teenage girl again, trying to talk to your brother during lunch, but his friends were always around.
you recognized remus from the photos he sent you, and peter was always on the background of your calls with him baking something.
and then there was james.
james potter. you didn’t know how to feel about him anymore. when your brother first introduced you, you found him attractive, but then you hated him.
when your brother ran away to his home you couldn’t help but hate him.
sure, your house wasn’t the best place in the world, but he took away your older brother, how were you supposed to feel?
as time passed you started to tolerate his presence. now you really don’t care about him, but he sure looked better than he usually did many years before.
-
you felt like you could kill him.
after living with james for a month you found him obnoxious, rude, annoying and a few other things you were too lazy to mention.
but the thing you hated the most was how invasive he could be.
you barged into his room, he was laying there, crumbs all over his red shirt.
"you should learn how to knock" he rolled his eyes when he said it, your brows furrowed.
"you ate my brownies." you had baked a few because it was bring your kid to work day and you were in charge of the snacks.
“they were really good, i thought peter made them” james paused. “he runs a restaurant downtown, you know, he’s always baking and-“
“i’m gonna have to make a whole new batch. you ate like ten of them.” you were about to get a really bad headache depending on his answer.
“i told you, they were really good.”
if you were in a cartoon you would’ve turn red and there would be smoke coming out of your nostrils and your ears. you had no comment.
you hated when he did that, just compliment you so you couldn’t really hate him that much anymore.
he used your shampoo, but it smelled really nice.
he ate your leftovers, but you really know how to order chinese food.
he even wore one of your biggest shirts you bought when you were in college because you were too lazy to buy pijamas and suddenly that shirt was really nice, because, sure, james potter actually listened to avril lavigne.
he even shrunk one of your favorite sundresses, you almost cried that day and he never even apologized.
the list went on and on, and somehow, every compliment of his sounded like he was taunting you, making fun of you right in front of your face and all you could ever do was thank him.
maybe that’s just how you were, polite no matter what. but you sure didn’t want to be polite to james that day.
“no, you don’t get to do that” you felt like you were being crazy.
“what do you mean?” he chuckled. he so did not chuckle.
“you don’t get to compliment me! that doesn’t bring my brownies back!” the word brownie sure sounded stupid in that moment.
“i’ll bake more for you, but they’ll suck, you know that” he actually sat on the bed to argue, how kind of him.
“the kids will probably die if they eat your brownies.”
“you’re feeding children? where do you even work?” he looked so confused and you kept getting angrier.
“do i really look like the kind of person who would eat a hundred billion thousand brownies? god, james, why can’t you just not touch my shit?”
“that’s not even a real number and there were a lot of them! i thought it wouldn’t make a difference!”
“it wouldn’t, if you had eaten one or two, but you ate half of them!”
“oh please, lets put it to a maximum of 25%, alright?” you felt like you were going absolutely insane. he was probably going to get you in a mental hospital and you’d be walking around, looking half dead, murmuring ‘brownies brownies brownies, i want my brownies back’.
you decided to just give up, slamming the door the hardest you could while heading out.
-
as halloween came around, the bickering with james stopped, you didn’t quite know if it was because of the season or you just got used to each other, but you didn’t mind it much. he could be very exhausting when upset, and you were sure you could too.
you loved fall, maybe it was that you were in a great mood. pumpkin flavored stuff, candles and everything else included.
on the day before halloween, you woke up early, you had to go apartment hunting and once you got back you would try and help peter make deserts. even though your ghost shaped cookies look like very sick jellyfish, you wanted to help. it was the most you could do, you weren’t paying rent, sirius wouldn’t let you. and they were going to throw a party on the next day so you wanted to help them get everything settled.
when you got home you were so incredibly tired, you had spent all day out and it was already 9pm. you had to walk so much you felt like you were your feet would fall off because they were used more on that day than they were your entire life. you were more upset you didn’t get to help with the food though, the pain didn’t really matter that much compared to that.
you just wanted to lay on your bed, put your feet up and-
giggles.
there were giggles coming from your room.
and then you remembered it, the neighbors, a few girls that went to the same school as you and were very good friends with your brother were staying over. a big slumber party of some sort, you and james were sleeping in the living room, because, of course, the four girls formed two couples and they would sleep together separately. no actual bed for you tonight! you really liked them though, so you couldn’t complain.
you knocked on the door to your own room and marlene opened it, cheeks flushed, and you could see dorcas on your bed, doing something on her phone.
“hi, lene” you decided to call her that because sirius called her that, it was cute. “sorry for bothering you both, i just wanted to get my pillow, my blanket and change real quick”
“oh sure, come in” she opened the door and you went straight for the drawer under the bed, grabbing a light green heavy one, you usually used that on winter but it was a cold night and you didn’t really want to bother them by taking your usual one from off the bed.
you never changed clothes so fast, tossing them in the laundry bin along with a shit ton of james’ shirts that were on his side of the sink.
“thank you, have a nice night”
you sighed while going to the living room, to find james sitting on the armchair, shirtless and wearing sweatpants, drinking a beer and watching that 70s show (again). you decided to ignore how good he looked and just get some rest because you really didn’t want go think about james in that moment, or ever as a matter of fact.
you lay down on the couch and throw the blanket over your head.
“you know what bums me out about this show?” james says abruptly, like you would really like to know. you grunt, waiting for his answer. “they really didn’t know when to stop it, its only good until what? season-“
“james, im really tired, i just wanna get some rest, please” you get out from under the covers to say that, so he ignores it fully.
“how did apartment hunting go?” he asks, pausing the episode and asking alexa to turn on some playlist with songs a sad dad would listen to.
“shitty, theres not one good place up for rent in this city, its actually sick”
“yeah, thats tough” he pauses for a brief moment “come here” he said, patting his knee. was he asking you to sit on his lap? was he going fucking crazy?
“i’m sorry, what?” you were so confused, since when was he like that to you?
“get up, sit here with me a little.” were you dreaming? was this one of those weird wet dreams you had in high school?
“james, i’m really tired, my back hurts and i really want to lay-“
“i’ll give you a massage, it’s whatever” he answered, a sad puppy look on his face.
you gave in. you walked over to him and sat on the arm of the chair, but he pulled you onto his lap.
“i need to be close to you, if i’m not it’s really awkward and uncomfortable.” some song you didn’t know was playing.
it was slow and sounded old, you didn’t recognize it.
“james come on, im really tired.” you say, smiling though, you didn’t know why he was doing this. he must’ve had an awfully good day.
“just for a bit.” why were his hands on your waist? why were you nervous. you nodded, you felt that if you opened your mouth to speak, nothing would come out.
you could feel his breathing on your neck, his hands roaming your waist as he lead them up to your shoulders.
his hands were on the low of your back, under your shirt. that was certainly new, and that was really not a massage, but you weren’t complaining.
you looked back at him, wide eyed, what was he doing?
once you turned your face to look at him, you couldn’t look away anymore.
maybe it was how nice he looked in the paused lighting of the tv, maybe it was how warm he felt, when the weather was so chilly recently, whatever it was, it hooked you.
he was looking straight into your eyes and you felt so open to him, it was weird to see him like this.
you felt like you were back in school being head over heels for your brother's best friend.
you heard keys jingling outside, so you stepped away, leaving him sat by himself wondering what he did wrong. sirius opened the door abruptly, scaring james, who looked at him confused.
“sorry, mate, the door was … hey! is that my instrumental playlist?” james turned a bit pink.
“yeah, I was just...” he looked at you. “forget it.” he turned it off. you were pretending to be unbothered, looking at something your phone.
you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around what had just happened.
you unfolded the sofa into a bed, getting comfortable on the right side, but then you felt his eyes back on you as sirius went into his own room.
“oh, sorry. do you want the couch? i can sleep on the chair, i don’t really-“
“we can share. don’t worry about it.” you nod at his comment. what had gotten into him? he turned off the lights, leaving the tv on. you were trying to calm down, sleeping in the same place as him, being nervous about it was so silly, but, still, you could feel your heartbeat.
“you wanna pick something?” he interrupted your thoughts, you didn’t want to watch anything. you wanted it to be over as soon as possible.
“no, you can just go back to your thing, i don’t mind it.” you answered. he laid down by your side.
fuck.
you were going to share the damn blanket.
he unpaused the tv, putting the remote on the right arm of the couch, that was your side. his arm went over you, he wrapped his arm around your waist once he went back to his side, though half of it was empty.
was he trying to spoon you? you could feel yourself getting nervous, your body starting to feel hot.
you (stupidly) decided to test his actual intentions with that, turning to your side to see if he’d pull you in, he quickly did.
you could have died right there.
he had never even hugged you before, was he really horny or something? and so you felt it.
‘oh my god.’ you thought to yourself repeatedly.
you felt his hand on your waist, pulling you closer to him, which was basically impossible with your ass already glued to his crotch.
you ended up sleeping like that, waking up in the morning to the ‘are you still watching?’ screen.
the day was fine, and you found out you and James had a lot in common, you ended up talking the entire evening, he spent the whole party next to you.
you slept in separate rooms at night, but you still spent a while with him in his room talking about all sorts of things. you never imagined how you and james could be alike. you never imagined how could be so sweet, funny and nice.
after the fall holidays you and james became closer and closer, when labor day came up you realized how much you liked him and when thanksgiving came around, you realized how you might actually be falling for him.
he didn’t help with that at all. he was always touching you, you even ended up cuddling when you would watch some awful movie in his room.
you never really got if he liked you as a friend or he wanted something more, until christmas.
you carefully placed your gifts under the tree on christmas eve, so in the morning when you saw a little box with your name on it, you were incredibly excited.
everyone was sat on the living room floor, opening gifts. in the little box was an envelope and it was from all of the guys. there was something written in the paper inside but you didn’t want read it in the moment.
“thanks” you smiled, but you didn’t quite know what it meant.
“we all talked and we want you to put your name on the lease.” sirius said quickly, looking at you anxiously.
“like, actually?” you ask, starting to feel extremely happy because you loved living with them.
“yeah” remus answered, smiling.
“thanks, i really appreciate it.” you couldn’t stop smiling, it felt great to know they wanted you there. james, who was sat next to you, gave you a one arm hug and a kiss on the forehead.
“so you’re gonna let me pay rent now?” you ask to your brother, smiling.
“i guess so.” he replied. you knew he was happy too. “gonna get you an actual gift though”
they were planning a big christmas party, they invited some people from work, the girls and some other people you didn’t really know, so you were expecting to spend the night with james. you went all out, put on your favorite red dress which was short but still fancy for the event.
once you were ready, half of the party was already there, including all of james’ coworkers and friends. you sat next to him on the couch, they were all there all talking about something from his work you didn’t really understand.
they were all dressed up too, but what shocked you the most was that james was wearing a suit, sure, his necktie was already loose and the buttons on his shirt too, but he looked amazing.
“can i stay with you fot the rest of the night? i don’t really know anyone here.” you whispered into his ear, nervous about the answer.
“sure” he nodded. “hey, henry” he called for his coworker that was sitting on the couches arm.
“yeah?” the guy answered.
“this is y/n, the friend i was telling you about the other day.” james gestures to you. you can’t help but smile awkwardly and wonder what he said about you.
“oh, hi! pleasure to meet you.” he got up from his chair and shook your hand, smiling at james and nodding. what did that mean?
“pleasure to meet you too.” you smile at him.
“i’m just gonna get some drinks, i’ll ill be right back. do you want something?” james asked you.
“just a soda.” he gets up and heads to the kitchen.
“so, tell me, how are your brownies?” henry jokes, you look at him confused.
“good, i guess, but thats a biased opinion.” you answer, curious on how he knew about your brownies.
“you know, james talks about you all the time.” he comments, you were sure he already had a few drinks.
“really? what does he say?”
“when you first moved in he hated you, you know? he always said it was fun to make you mad and all. but since october he’s been so nice when he talks about you, i personally think he fancies you, but i wouldn’t know. i don’t think he’d tell me if he did, specially because you’re his friends sister and all.” he was rambling but you really enjoyed the part he said about james seeing you as more than a friend, you enjoyed it so much you didn’t even pay attention to what he said after that.
“i doubt it, we just turned into good friends, that’s all.”
“nah, i think he wants to make you into something else.” henry might’ve just made your entire night with that phrase. you couldn’t hide your smile anymore.
“here’s your soda, a beer for you, henry” james handed the drinks and took a sip of his coke. you sat next to him, holding your soda in both of your hands, looking down at it nervously. “did something happen?” he asked you.
“no, just thinking ‘bout something” you answer, looking into his eyes now. he smiles, wrapping his arm around your waist. that makes you so flustered, you feel your entire body getting warmer and that’s just the start of it.
for the rest of the night, he stayed by your side. his hand resting on your waist, thigh, around your shoulders, wherever he wanted them. you could feel your heart beating in your chest for most of the time. he had never done that before, not in public and surely not like that, not in a sexual manner, at least that’s how you identified it, because one thing was a friendly touch, the other was what he was doing.
he made you feel needy, aching for more - he was making you want him.
did he notice? did he ever even perceive how he made you feel? how could he not?
goosebumps covered you once he grazed your thigh for the first time out of five, the fifth was when he finally let his hand stay put there.
it made you feel crazy, it really did.
you didn’t know if he meant it as you took it, but you really hoped he did.
the party was still going around 1am, james had disappeared and you were left sitting on the couch, waiting for him to come back.
you couldn’t stop thinking about him and it made you feel kind of silly. you were a bit disappointed that nothing happened but you sort of expected it. you knew nothing would actually occur, but still, it made you a bit sad. maybe the touch lead you on, but it-
you looked at your phone once it vibrated and you felt the absolute need to scream because of how excited the text made you, but you didn’t.
‘James: come to my room once you read this, please.’
you didn’t think much of it, though you would’ve come if he just asked you to like he normally did.
you finished your drink and knocked on his door. he opened it but didn’t look at you, his eyes were focused on your knees, he looked nervous.he was still wearing his pants and the dress shirt, except it was unbuttoned. shit.
“y/n?” he was looking at you now.
fuck.
“yeah?”
“you look really good tonight.”
“i clean up nice sometimes.” you smile.
“oh please, you always look good” he turned a bit pink once he said it. “and thats a really nice dress” his voice was low when he said it, was he actually hitting on you?
“thank you” you whispered, you couldn’t help but feel anxious as his body got closer to yours.
“you know, i’ve been thinking about something for a while now” he says. you could feel your stomach start to twist and turn because you were so anxious on what he was doing next. you hummed, making sure he would continue what he was saying, but he didn’t.
he just kissed you like it was the easiest thing in the world. he pulled you into his room and closed the door, locking it quickly.
the feeling of his lips on yours was something you craved for a while now, you needed it so much you started to wonder if it was normal for you to need something this much.
you couldn’t stop once it started. his hands were on your hips and you tugged onto his hair desperately.
kissing him is redefining the whole concept of kissing to you, and probably ruining every other sexual experience you could have for the rest of your life.
he pushed you into the door, his hands now on your ass.
“shit” he let out quickly as he stopped kissing you so roughly and started giving you quick pecks. “you have no idea for how long i wanted to do this.” you hummed. “you’re so fucking hot, it makes me crazy.” the praise was making your stomach twist again, a wet spot being formed between your legs.
he carried you with your legs around his body and took you to his bed. the same bed you have used to lay down to watch movies, to just gossip or discuss things, to do whatever.
he sat down and kept you on his lap, straddling him, but you needed more. as he kissed you roughly and messily you would casually rock your hips, causing friction. after you did that a few times he laid you down on the bed, telling you to stop being such a tease, he got on top of you, supporting himself with his knees, one of them between your legs, causing friction and making you more aroused.
when he started playing with the strings that held the dress together, you knew you were done for, so you let him undo the bow, kissing your neck. he was messy, sometimes he would bite and it would send bolts of electricity down your spine.
“james…” you let out as he bit you again.
“tell me” he said, trailing his kisses down to your clavicle. “can i take this off too?” he asked, playing with your bra. you nodded but he didn’t move an inch.
“i need to hear you say it. can i take this off?” he was such a fucking tease, it made you go crazy. he loved to hear your voice, he knew you wanted him to take it off, he just liked to hear you say it.
“yes, please” you struggled to hold in a moan once he started sucking on your neck.
“thank you” he answered, looking back to the hickey he gave you. “hmm, that’s gonna leave a mark, sorry baby” baby? he had never called you that, you hummed as he took off his collared shirt and then proceeded to take off your bra . he groaned at the sight of you, which drove you mad. his growing bulge was exposed.
he was big.
you immediately regretted every single time you had made a small dick joke (sure, there were only 2 times but they did happen).
he was on his knees, towering over you.
“you’re so pretty”, he leaned down to kiss you again, this time more eager than ever. his right hand cupped your jaw as his left one roamed your body, making you ache for more and more. “i really wanna touch you” he whispered and went back to kissing you, his left hand now between your thighs, waiting for permission to move.
“please” you whisper, stopping the kiss briefly. he kept on kissing you as he stimulated you through the fabric of your underwear, but that didn't happen for long, specially because of how wet it was, he needed to touch you, he couldn't help himself. the dress was so hiked up it looked like a shirt, but instead of helping you take it off, he pulled it down a bit, so he had access to your chest. he immediately started kissing around your left tit, making you go absolutely insane. and that combined with the sudden touch to your clit? yeah, you were getting fucked up that night.
he was better than anyone had ever been to you. sucking in your nipple and fingering you slowly, he was making you go crazy, needing him more.
he stopped sucking on your nipple and went back to your neck, his hand not stopping at all. the right one went to cover your mouth as you moaned.
“be quiet, hm? want everyone to listen? don’t wanna stuff that pretty mouth of yours too” his non dominant hand went to your neck, choking you lightly as his other one fucked into you. you were so close to cumming, with his thumb stimulating your clit as his other fingers went in and out of you, he knew that you were close, specially with the way your pussy was tightening around him. “so fucking tight, aren’t you? can’t imagine how you’re gonna feel around my cock” he stopped and took his fingers out, making you whine, missing the feeling of him.
“jameees” you moan, finding the courage in you to pull him in, giving him a kiss.
“take it off”
“what?” you’re confused.
“the dress, i really wanna fuck you in it but i don’t wanna ruin it.” he lets out. “take it off” he sounded like he was ordering you, and you loved it so much, you wanted to give something back to him.
“i will, but can i suck you off first?” you ask, looking at him doe eyed, and how could he say no?
“you really want to?” he asks, furrowed brows, you nod, quickly getting on your knees as he unbuckles his belt, throwing it on the carpet. he got up and pulled his pants down, staying just in his boxers, he climbed back into bed with you, kissing you sweetly.
you were on your knees in front of him, pulling his cock out of his underwear, stroking it lightly then kissing the tip. you take him in your mouth, using your hands to stroke what couldn’t fit, which, frankly, was about a bigger portion of it. he was the biggest you ever had.
“fuck” he groaned at the movements you were making, using his left hand to get strands of hair out of your face, as his right one supported him on the bed. he was trying not to thrust into your mouth but you were making it so hard. “your mouth was made for me, baby” he whispered, looking into your eyes. his free hand went to your neck, choking you just a bit, as your head bobbed up and down, taking as much as possible.
“so good, your mouth feels so goddamn good honey” he groaned as he finished the sentence and you used your non dominant hand to cup his balls. he was moaning a bit and it was the hottest thing you’ve ever seen or heard, though you were sure you would see hotter things that same night. he started thrusting lightly, he couldn’t help himself, specially with how good your mouth made him feel.
“stop” he ordered you, and so you did, a pop sound being made as you stopped sucking and looked up at him.
“did i do something wrong?” you ask, brows furrowed. his hand hasn’t left your neck, and so he pulls you in by it. his tongue went straight in your mouth, he needed to taste him on your lips.
“i wanna fuck you” he said, looking into your eyes, waiting for any kind of response.
“yes. please do” you quickly say, kissing him quickly.
“the dress” he remembers and you quickly take it off, not stopping the staring for a second.
“want you down on all fours” he says, getting on his knees. you do as he commands, getting in an arch position as he’s on his knees behind you. he can see that you still haven’t taken off your underwear, he bites on your ass cheek and then pulls it down with his teeth.
“you don’t mind if i keep this, don’t you?” he asks, helping you take it off fully. “it’s already ruined”
“it’s yours” you look back at him, he’s smirking like the devil. he throws your underwear into his bedside drawer.
“gotta keep it safe” he whispers. you can feel his bulge through his boxers as he leans in to kiss your neck, you whine, needing him more.
“patience, i’m gonna give it to you, sweetheart” his right hand gave your ass a smack. “up” he said, signaling for you to arch your back even more. as you do so, he groans, pressing his covered member against your wet cunt.
“you’re so pretty like this, all for me?” he asked, using his hand to play with your clit.
“y-yes, all yours” you said, trying not to whine mid sentence.
“good girl. mine” he gave your shoulder a quick peck. “gonna put it in now, okay? tell me if you wanna stop” he took his dick from out of his boxers and pumped it a few times. you could’ve fainted once you felt his tip lined up to your entrance.
he went in slowly, he was way to big for you. every time you thought he was done, there would still be more of him left.
“jaaames” you would whine
“just a bit left; don’t worry, princess” once he was fully inside of you, you felt amazing, like you were in heaven. “you’re so fucking tight, ‘feels so good” he said, trying to to groan, his voice was raspy.
if took a few thrusts for you to get used to his size, but as soon as he picked up a pace, you were a mess. you couldn’t hold in your sounds, the way he was stimulating your clit was absolutely killing you.
“be fucking quiet” he demanded with a groan, “you want everyone to know who you belong to, huh?” he didn’t stop, he just went quicker as a matter of fact.
“fuck!” you squealed as he pinched your clit, his thrusts began to be more rough, you couldn’t even focus. you’re eyes kept rolling back, your mind was fully blank and the only thing that was coming out of your mouth in that moment was a mixture of james, fuck, shit and a few other curse words.
you were in ecstasy.
“you like this, don’t you?” he was grunting lowly in between every few thrusts. you were so close, you felt your high coming to you, the way he was fucking you was not helping with you trying to hold it.
“james ohmygod james, im gonna cum” you say, trying not to stumble over your words.
“ask nicely and i’ll let you” he said, stopping the stimulation on your clit and thrusting harder. he was close too, the way your tight pussy would clench around him was making him go insane.
“please let me cum, james. need it so bad” you blurted out in between whining and moaning. he grins and goes back to stimulating you.
“good girl, do it” he went faster and didn’t stop playing with your clit. your eyes rolled back and you let it go.
your walls clench tight around him, he didn’t stop as you made a mess all over his dick.
as you finished, his thrusts only got harder, you were feeling so overstimulated and you felt like he was close too.
“fuck, sweetheart. gonna cum inside you, that’s alright?” you moaned in answer.
his hips stuttered and you felt his cock twitch spilled inside of you, his juices mixing with yours.
he made sure he got rid of every single drop.
your legs were shaking as he pulled out and tucked himself back into his underwear, you collapsed on the bed and he laid down next to you.
“wanna go back to the party?” he jokes, looking into your eyes.
“shut up” you reply, looking at the ceiling of his room.
“gonna clean you up, okay?” james assured you as he threw you a shirt of his that was under the bed. you put it on but pulled him closer to you.
“okay, but just stay with me for a while if that’s alright.” you asked.
“always” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and you knew that this was not going to be a one time thing.
2K notes · View notes
kennedyalike · 11 months
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ok this is so depraved but some noncon w manipulative leon x bsf reader or roommate reader where he for somewhat reason has to practice tying rope and convinces her to let him practice on her and assures her he wont do anything else but once he gets her tied up he undresses her and takes pics of her as blackmail and does whatever he wants to her
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rope bunny
leon s. kennedy x fem!reader
tags: posessive!leon, he’s kinda yandere tbh, p in v sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, slight overstimulation, rough sex, manhandling, noncon, dubcon, ropes, bdsm, dom!leon, praise kink, praising, smut, rope kink, filming, explicit photograpghy, leon is a massive pervert, slight size kink
summary: leon asks for your help with a task from the force but it turns into something else~
word count: 4.2k
to anon: hii! im sorry i took so long with this but i hope you like it! i really like this idea and tbh i love me some noncon leon😩 i added a happy ending but idk if this is weird LMAOOO
He dotes on you everyday, without you ever even noticing. Oh, how you’re so oblivious and innocent. He just wants to have you all to himself. Just to steal you away from the whole world, to take care of you and finally make you realize what you’re missing out on.
You weren’t exactly oblivious, you just didn’t pay it any mind, deciding to tease him further. Being roommates with Leon for almost a year now, you knew him pretty well. Both of you attending the police academy, you figured a roommate wouldn’t hurt. He was sweet, brave, corny, a little awkward but so cute.
Leon was a good friend to you, helping you out, keeping the place clean, he was a true gentleman. For what you knew, of course. In all honesty, Leon was the oblivious one here. You noticed every time his eyes slowly gazed somewhere they weren’t supposed to. His stare felt like it was going to eat you alive one day.
Whenever you’re doing something around the house, he quietly observes all of your movements, eyes maybe focusing on the curve of your ass, or maybe the way your tits bounce when your arms push them together. He can’t help himself, you’re just so gorgeous and he swears he can’t keep his hands to himself any longer.
Maybe you even liked his gaze, doing small things on purpose. Wearing short skirts at home, bending over in front of him or wearing some tops that revealed yiur cleavage. Leon loved it all, but he was starting to grow impatient with your little games that he didn’t even know you were playing. You knew he liked you, but he didn’t know you liked him too. Being too focused on you and his training, he didn’t even notice the way you practically begged for his attention.
”What are you doing?” You asked with a giggle as you try to lighten up the mood. Leon looks up at you and shrugs. ”Just…looking over these photos.” He answers quietly, his deep voice grumbling a little bit. His hand is resting on his jaw as he leans himself on the table that was filled with documents, probably something from the academy.
You frown slightly from his answer before you fall silent too. As Leon focuses his stare on the papers in front of him, you focus yours on him. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up and the fabric was resting just so his forearms were visible. His calloused hands were nibbling the paper's edge as his veins become more visible. You can’t look away, mind completely taking you away while you rest against the kitchen counter.
A low groan erupts from the man in front of you and you can’t stop your mind from going to that usual place. Wondering what would happen if you were brave enough to start something. How his hands would caress your body just like you both wished. You sigh slowly as you slightly shake your head, disowning the thoughts. If Leon only knew that you dreamed of him even when awake.
”I’m gonna take a small nap, wake me up at like…6pm.”
Leon huffed at the small pause in your sentence as you retracted to your room. He only nodded in response. He began thinking, in quietness after hearing small giggles and sounds of music come from your room. After a while, there was only silence. You had fallen asleep. He smirks to himself but quickly reassures himself he wouldn’t do anything like that.
He spends time pondering over his wants, no, his needs. He needs you and he can’t wait any longer. Leon decides he’s not going to let you say otherwise. He goes into his room momentarily to gather some rope. (He totally didn’t buy it just for the instance) He knocks on your door and slowly his hand twists the knob as he lets himself in your room.
Your curtains are closed and you’re still asleep, wrapped in blankets. He hovers above you and stares into your face. How beautiful, he thinks to himself. He owns you. He’s not going to let anyone else have you, ever. He hides the rope behind his back before his arm reaches out for your shoulder, gently stirring you awake from your previous slumber. With a whine, you start to flutter your eyes open.
Your room is dimly lit and in all your sleepiness, your eyes make out Leon’s figure in front of you. He sits on your bed slowly. ”Wake up, sweetheart.” The nickname would make you nervous and a blushly mess if you weren’t so tired still. You slowly sit up, lifting the blanket from your body as it pools around your lap. Now fully sat, you fix your hair and look at Leon with gentle eyes. ”Thanks for waking me up, Leon.”
”No problem, I have a question though…” He starts, and you can hear the unsureness in his voice as he nudges himself closer to you. A blush creeps on your face as you realize he’s never been this close to you before, at least not in your bed. ”Yeah?” You ask shyly as you pull the blanket up slightly, covering the skimpy crop top you wore. He looks away for a second before continuing. ”The professor actually gave me something interesting to work on, I was wondering if you’d help me out a little?” His blue eyes now stare straight into yours as you fiddle with the blanket edge. Eagerly, you nod immediately. ”Yes, what is it?”
He smirks a little bit, chuckles and reveals the rope from behind his back. A small inaudible gasp leaves your mouth and you look away with a slight flush on your cheeks. ”He said we need to practice tying something up, escaping being tied and all that.” He explained as he slowly started opening the rope from its package. You stare quietly at his big hands that were fiddling with the rope. Completely on board if you get to play around with ropes with him. ”Yeah? Do you need my help with some of this?” You ask shyly as he smirks again.
”Yeah. Let me try one thing.” Now completely awake and shaken with excitement as Leon launches slowly towards you. His actions take you by surprise and nervousness engulfs you as his cold hand slips under the blanket and grabs your wrist. ”Leon- I-I thought-” You began speaking unsurely as he grabbed both of your wrists, bringing them up to your chest. ”Shh, I’m not gonna do anything to you, just practicin’, sweetie.” His deep voice coos and you allow yourself to relax in his hold, reminding yourself that he’s just practicing.
”Just lay back a little.” He instructs you and you obey him nonetheless of your nervousness. Your body hits the soft bed behind you as you settle down and bring your arms up. Leon grips both of your wrists together with one hand, his hands are cold and slender as he pins yours atop your head. He brings the rope and wraps it around your wrists, tying them together very tightly. A small whine leaves your mouth as you close your eyes momentarily. ”Too tight?” He asks.
”No, it’s fine. Let me show you my skills of escaping these.” You joke to him with a small bubbly laugh. He scoffs under his breath and glances back at you. ”We’ll see about that one.” He says unamusedly as he tightens the rope and ties your wrists to the bed. You feel a light stretch on your arms as he ties them. His gaze feels hot, feels like it’s going to burn you alive soon. Leon’s hands slowly move from your arms, to your waist.
His eyes never leave your body, he doesn’t miss the way your back arches into his touch, letting his hands wander. His fingertips slowly graze around your chest, abdomen and your thighs. He examines your face closely, a red blush on your face that he wouldn’t miss usually, but with the dim light of your bedroom it goes unnoticed. Your back arches and you moan slightly when his strong hand caresses your thigh. ”Leon..?” You ask confusedly as you tighten your thighs together, trapping his hand between them. ”You like this?”
He calls out to you mockingly as he inches his fingertips towards your panties. The blanket long gone as his other arm completly reveals your body to him. A small crop top and panties on. Gosh. You look so cute, he wishes he could eat you alive. Your legs twitch and you gasp in surprise as his hand cups your pussy through your panties. ”Maybe I’ll leave you tied up forever if it means I can do this all day.” He mumbles to himself as he smirks while slowly rubbing your clit through your already dampened panties. Your thighs close even tighter as you squirm. ”Leon? W-what are you doing?”
”Shh, just relax for me, okay?” He calls out again as his hands grip your thighs, forcing them apart, revealing your crotch to him. You gasp again and start moving around, not liking the forcefulness. His grip only tightens as he holds you down on the bed, bringing another piece of the rope around your ankles, trying them together as you helplessly squirm under the bigger man.
”Leon, I’m uncomfortable..M-Maybe we should practice some other time..!” You desperatly request as he pulls the rope and ties it under the bed. You’re now completely trapped and at his mercy. ”Now, try and get out of those.” He says as he stands up, backing away from the bed to take a look at you. So pretty. Sprawled out on the bed in your nap clothes as desperate little whines leave your mouth when you try to escape this predicament.
You tug, pull, whine and squirm around for what feels like eternity. Your croptop already ridden up from your movements, exposing your soft belly to Leon’s hungry eyes that are enjoying the show infront of him. You almost think he’s cruel and that he’s doing this to embarrass you. Your limbs give out and you look at him with angry eyes, the sweat from your earlier nap clanking your thighs together as you finally give out, relaxing all of your body. ”Okay. You win. I can’t get out of these. Please, help me.” You quietly say as you accept defeat, looking at him with an annoyed look.
He only smirks and laughs a little bit, getting closer to you. ”Hmm…I quite like having you like this…” He starts as his hands grab your waist again, slowly teasing the fabric of your croptops edge as he pulls it up. Your breath hitches and you feel your muscles tensing again. ”Leon, take these out. It’s not funny.” You try once again.
He stops his movements and looks into your eyes, before getting on top of you on the bed. You squirm again as he climbs atop and pins you down with his bodyweight. The lighting extorts and you can see the way his biceps twitch as he holds himself above you. Leon’s blonde locks fluffy and messed up as he brings himself closer to your face. ”Oh sweetheart, I’ll never let you go. You’re mine, finally.” Before he allows you to even react, his hand is already gripping at your chin and neck, forcing you into a sloppy kiss with him.
His lips are practically devouring your face as he holds you tighter. To his surprise, you kiss him back and moan into the kiss. He leaves you wanting for more as he pulls his mouth from yours and lowers himself to your neck, biting, kissing and sucking little red marks on your collarbones. His hot breath on your neck sent shivers down your spine and you feel a heat forming between your legs. You want him as bad as he wants you. And you don’t want to accept it.
Your quiet moans that you try to silence by turning your head to the side don’t go unnoticed by Leon as he grips your chin again. ”Let me hear how much you love this, baby.” He growls as he sucks on the sensitive skin behind your ear. A lustful moan erupts from you and you’re even shocked at yourself as you notice the way you’re rubbing your thighs together. ”Good girl, just like that. Don’t fight it.”
He continues kissing your neck, sometimes pulling you into a heated kiss again. (Which you returned, every time) ”Leon..! Please, untie me.” You whisper in between kisses. ”Try harder.” He mocks you again and pulls back from you, still on top of you, his finger hooks around the strap of your croptop, slowly pulling it down from your shoulder, exposing more and more by the mere second. You nervously look at him with fear and desperateness in your eyes. Your breathing, heavier by the second was unstable as small tears start forming on your waterline.
”Leon, please..” You sob as he slowly undresses you, pulling your croptop over your head, exposing your bare chest to him. Nipples already hard from the previous endeavours, his both hands grab your tits, squeezing them and playing around with your nipples. His gaze is like a hypnosis, stuck on your tits as he does as he pleases, groping you against your will. Instead of screaming, you arch into his touch and moan at the sensation when his mouth connects with the skin of your areola.
”Please-” Your breath hitches as a tear falls down your cheek when he pinches your nipples, sucking and kissing all over your body. You’re not even sure what you’re begging for anymore and neither is Leon. You hear him chuckle as he pulls back shortly, looking over at you before extending his hand to his pocket. You look at him in complete silence, tears still wetting your cheeks as you see him pull out his phone. ”Leon.. what are- No!” You start wiggling desperately and you can’t belive the smirk on Leon’s face.
”Pose a little, this is for me only, darling. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything if you behave for me.” He holds you in place with his other arm while scrolling on his phone. His hand grabs at your tit again as you hear the faint sound of a recording going on. ”Please…don’t” You beg with teary eyes as he films himself groping at you, he moves the camera to your face. ”Don’t cry beatiful, tell me how much you like it.” He mocks you and amidst all the feelings that were roaming your mind block out the feeling of his hand sneaking between your thighs. Another tear falls down your cheek as you open your eyes, looking up at his phone and that devious smirk plastered on his face. You feel embarrased and humiliated, but for some reason, it’s lighting a fire inside of you that you can’t shut down.
You feel his rough hand cup your pussy and you moan loudly. His smirk grows even more at your lewd sound as he slips his fingers in from the side. Two long fingers now rubbing your wet clit as you try to close your legs tighter. ”Come on, let it all out.” He presses a kiss on to your forehead as he slips his middle finger in your wet, needy hole. Another loud moan leaves your mouth and you unnoticeably start grinding into his hand, desperate for more as you look at Leon’s phone through teary eyes. It’s turning you on and he knows it. He nods at you and looks at you in the eyes as he shuts his phone off, drops it on the floor and practically attacks your lips. You immedietly kiss him back, no question. ”M’ sorry, my sweet baby.” He mumbles between the hungry kisses. You want to caress his cheeks and wrap your arms around his shoulders. You writhe as you try to pull your arms out of the rope.
”Leon, untie me. I want yo-” He shushed your begs with a kiss, soft lips entertwining roughly as his hands explore your body again. He’s pumping his middle finger in and out of your pussy with a slow rhythm. Leon quickly latches on to your neck again, sucking more crimson marks as he slips in another finger. His movements are going faster as his index finger joins in on the fun. The wet, tight walls of your pussy squeezing around his digits are making him go crazy. He was already hard as fuck in his pants as he grinded himself to your side.
”Soon, baby. Let me have a taste first..” He mumbles again, almost inaudibly as he lowers his kisses down to the soft skin of your belly. His big hands are still cold to the touch as he retracts his fingers from your pussy. You moan at the loss of contact as you look down at him, trying to ground yourself between all of these feelings. His hands grab your hips tightly and he begins teasing your panties down your legs. You wiggle your hips a little in an attempt to get him to undress you faster. He backs away and in a swift movement he pulls his shirt over his head, exposing his hard trained abs to you. Your eyes now explore his body, thirsting over his muscular chest and huge biceps, he smirks and lowers his face to your pussy again.
Before he teases your panties fully off, he places a soft kiss on your clit through the damp fabric. You moan quietly as he pulls your panties down to your ankles and grabs your thighs, nudging them apart so roughly that it would for sure leave a bruised mark on your inner thighs. He’s like a hungry animal that hasn’t eaten in weeks and you feel like his prey, just a little thing forced into submission as you writhe under him. His warm tongue latches onto your clit as he sucks, kisses and licks between your folds, moving to give attention to your clit as his other hand retracts from your thighs and pushes two fingers into your hole.
You’re practically screaming, crying and moaning at the same time as you buck your hips into his face. Leon’s slippery tongue, lapping at your folds and pleasuring your clit feels like almost too much, you’re so close to exploding and you desperatly try to close your thighs. ”Mm-mm. None of that.” He hums as his hand parts your thighs again and the vibrations from his sound of unapproval send immense pleasure your way and you moan loudly. ”Oh, Leon! I-I’m gonna cum!” You moan his name in a continuing chant as he buries his face into your pussy, tasting all of your juices as you grind down.
He was so turned on by you and probably could come undone from just lapping at your pussy all day. He sucks on your clit as you gasp loudly and your legs shake a bit. He slows his movements down, brings his arms under your thighs to support your shaking for as he helps you though your orgasm with a gentle touch. He might’ve tied you up against your will, but he’s not a total asshole.
The orgasm washes over you slowly and your body shakes with pleasure as you moan his name quietly, almost sounding like you’re crying. (You are.) Your body sets down and you feel Leon untying your ankles. ”Relax, baby.” He coos as you start moving your legs slowly. You do as he says. He lifts himself back on top of you and meets your gaze. ”Kiss me, please.” You whine and he chuckles but obliges nevertheless. He kisses you again, this time more passionetly and lovingly as his hands grope at your tits again before slowly moving up, beginning to untie your hands. Only sounds from the connection of your mouths erupt as he unties you fully. Your hands fall to your sides tiredly as Leon’s lips move to your neck again.
He doesn’t expect you to yank away from him, or slap him, or resist at all, and he’s right. Your arms slowly wrap themselves around his neck and your hand caresses his cheek. You feel his strong jaw clenching under your palm as he joins you in a kiss again. His erection rubbing at your core through his pants. Oh he’s so sure his pants have a wet spot from all the precum his tip has leaked. He humps himself on your side. ”Leon…fuck me, please.” You shyly mumble to him as you move your hands to start unbuckling his belt. ”Fuck, I knew I’d have you begging. Good girl.” You moan at his praise and his hands move to your aid, he retracts from you for a second to pull his pants down, taking his briefs at the same time.
This time, you’re the one that’s staring at him hungrily as his big cock bursts free from its confinements and rests against his abdomen. So incredebly hard that it almost slaps against the skin of his lower stomach. He’s long but kind of girthy. Pale but the tip is a flushed tone. Leon sets himself on top of you again and his hands grip at your waist. ”Fuck, need to fuck you so bad.” He whines as he readjusts your position while stroking himself up and down a few times.
You don’t bother speaking, you just whimper as he lines the tip of his cock on your pussy. He looks down at your pussy that’s begging for his dick and he feels like he’s seen heaven. He slides his lenght along your folds, gathering the slick as he nudges his tip on your still sensitive clit. You gasp from the sensation and attempt to close your thighs before Leon spreads them further apart. ”How am I gonna fuck you if you close your legs on me, sweet baby?” He teases as he starts pushing himself into you.
A low groan and a whimper leaves his mouth as he humps into you. ”Ah! S’ big…Leon…” You moan while clicking your hips together when he starts banging into you at a rough speed. Your hands intertwine behind his neck as you pull him into a sloppy kiss. Both taking breaths and moaning into each others ears, the burning sensation turns into immense pleasure as he bullies his cock deeper into your hole. ”Fuck… Ah-” Leon whimpers and you can only moan in response as he lifts your legs higher, to your chest to give himself a new, deeper angle to fuck into you.
His cock is stretching you out and his hands are everywhere. Sometimes his finger is rubbing slow circles on your still sensitive clit, pushing you over the edge. Then his hands grip strongly at your waist, holding you in place while he ruthlessly ruts into you. Then his hands are groping your ass, tightly pulling your hips to connect his as you place sloppy kisses to his neck, pulling him closer to yourself while moaning.
Leon grabs at your side and nudges you to turn over on your stomach. ”Gon’ fuck you so hard.” He groans into your ear as your body complies in the heat of the moment. You turn to lay on your stomach, hands quickly supporting yourself as Leon lifts your hips up, already rutting back into you. You moan loudly and your hands give out. Leon is fucking you so hard your face is mushed against the pillow and you try to to desperately lift your hips up for him. ”So good, so fucking good, baby.” He praises and readjusts his hands under your hips, holding you up. His cold palm moves from the front to rub circles on your clit. ”Leon! M’ close!” You moan into the pillow while your arms settle under yourself, supporting your weight as you feel your second orgasm around the corner.
His cold palm presses on your lower stomach, he smirks when he feels himself pounding so deep into you. ”Fuck baby, tell me you want it-” He groans as his thrusts turn sloppier by the second. ”I want it so bad! I want you-! Please! Cum inside me, please!” You whimper almost inaudibly, voice hoarse from all the efforts. He ruts into you a few more sloppy thrusts before he feels your pussy walls sucking him in, clenching as your body goes limp and your orgasm takes over you. He pushes himself deep in you and releases his load. You both moan in union as you feel his hot cum fill your insides. He sighs and lets your body rest on the bed as he plops down next to you.
After catching your breath, you turn to him and shyly caress his cheek. He chuckles and pulls you ontop of him, hugging you. ”Don’t worry baby.” He presses a gentle kiss on top of your forehead and you hug him tighter. It was all settled. You were his and you would let him ruin you completely. He wouldn’t do that of course, he just likes it a little rough. ”Soo….you’re gonna finally make me your girlfriend?” You giggle. He scoffs and holds you tighter. ”Yes.”
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meangirlsautism · 5 days
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do you have any headcanons for any ships ?? id love to hear them mean girls is like my new obsession
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HEHEHE YES!!!!!!!!!!
im just kidding im like the worst person to ask this BUUUUUT i shall conjure something up.. jsut for you... ALSO NEW MEAN GIRLS FAN YAAAY
going throuhg my notes, i made a lil ship headcanons thing on my notes app in april 2020. and all i got around to making was stuff for karen/cady. completely random but ! better than head being completely empty. so i shall reference some of that and make other stuff up on the spot (for that and other pairings). enjoy!
also im like.. super unfamiliar w/ how romantic relationships Are and how human beings function in general so like.. youre fully allowed to view these however you want (platonic, romantic, etc), i just enjoy dynamics and character interactions. i know you specifically asked for ships but ! my lil headcanons will def be more vague, if that makes sense, sorry abt that! still, hope these suffice! if you ever wanted to ask for SPECIFIC pairings too just hmu or send an ask or smth :] (as a disclaimer, im not referencing a specific MG here, im more familiar w/ slash enjoy the musical the most but ! interpret them as any version i suppose)
karen/cady
not really a headcanon but the whole like "i like cady, she's nice to me." i eat that shit up. i love them and their relationship, in like, all adaptations
and specifically for the 2024 movie.. the way karen is the only person to text cady during her suspension... and how she reassures her that thyere still friends.. (similar to the bway version)... UGH!!!!!! love that so much
actually, we should be more insane for cady / the other plastics. both romantically and platonically
anyway, on to the actual hcs
karen rly likes to fidget w/ something so cady always gives her like hand or hair to play with
karen LOOVES cady's freckles. def loves to count / trace them
karen is def a tad confused as to why cady is so patient w/ her, so nice to her, etc. since i feel she's been often ... dismissed her whole life. and treated Not Great due to how she functions
that doesn't rly matter to cady. she constantly reassures karen and is there for her and reminds her that she's more than other people's opinions of her, more than her intelligence, etc. and cady never gets tired of it
cady always listens to whatever karen has to say, even if it's the tiniest, most ridiculous thing
cady helps her w/ school stuff
karen def sits + listens to cady infodump abt the wildlife she observed / learned abt in africa
i can see karen enjoying nature and whatnot. she doesn't necessarily "understand" the science aspect behind it all btu she enjoys it bc :) hehe. animals.
i can see her getting good at like.. identifying species and stuff bc of cady though
karen prob enjoys physical touch and stuff. i dont think cady is opposed to it but she's not like ... used to it much
or i suppose, used to giving it much? she's cool w/ receiving it, and as ive mentioned earlier, karen def likes to be feeling / playing w/ something. its like a fidget / stim for her
anyway autism🤝autism
gretchen/cady
ALSO autism🤝autism
they def love infodumping to each other... abt what exactly? yes
not too sure abt gretchen,still have to come up w/ special interests and whatnot fo rher but. cady its def like. math. and biology and zoology and shit
gretchen has sort of been told and taught that her input isnt needed or appreciated, so near the beginning of w/e relationship they have, she often kept to herself and didn't ramble as much
cady ofc noticed this, and tried her best to like.. encourage gretchen and whatnot
but, at the same time, she understood why she wouldnt open up RIGHT away yk. she understood that these things take time
once again, cady often reassures her, abt different things than w/ karen ofc but, its still reassurance
gretchen obv becomes like .. SUPER attached to ppl who pay attention to her and whatnot. even if the overall situation is shitty
at some point, she probably just thought she didn't deserve anything more. that what she got was the best she was going to get. and so, she felt she couldn't leave and find something better for herself
anyway. of course in canon (esp in the bway version) cady also wasnt the greatest / most understanding towards gretchen blah blah. whatever .
deep down we KNOW that cady is a kind and caring and nice person. she just wants to be well liked
whatever!!!!! cady shows gretchen what love and care TRULY feels like . and i think after some time the codependency on gretchen's end lessens a bit. esp after she realizes that . oh... this is what ive always deserved. and needed. and she understands that she's not expendable, that cady DOESN'T actually secretly hate her. that cady WON'T just throw her away if the opportunity comes
i think gretchen would chill out a bit if she's just shown true love and compassion im serious. and maybe some medication would help too
gretchen def likes / wants cady to be touching her at like.. all times. hand holding mostly, but stuff along the lines of that
gretchen is like .. weird w/ touch i think. considers it sacred, and yet craves it sooo bad
she probably only rly allows it w/ ppl she REALLY trusts . despite being very touch starved
both sooooo awkward lbr
ESP w/ deeper relationships
cady is just.. obv was homeschooled for most of her life. gretchen is just a ball of anxiety
also, based on gretchen's past experiences, her relationships (both romantic and platonic) havent been ........ the greatest, as ive talked abt before, and so she finally finds someone who like.. she's comfortable with? who she knows will Love her? she's extra awkward fr
doesn't want to mess up, lose them, etc etc
regina/cady
a loooong time ago i think, i saw a headcanon talking abt how regina has freckles. but she just covers them up
and i LOOOOVE that thought soooo mcuh
eventually wrote a little messy thing for it
but anyway. cady finds this out eventually and she is so :D
bc i see cady as having a ton of freckles too and yeah
but yeah. cady finds this out and is SO happy bc regina's sort of look like hers and ough
cady likes to compare them to like.. constellations and stars and shit. esp when regina complains abt them / is openly negative abt them
regina doesn't necessarily like her freckles bc its an imperfection in her eyes i suppose
but cady absolutely changes her mind on them
in fact, i bet they start reminding her of cady
she goes about it so nonchalantly but, some days she "forgets" to put on makeup . not just for cady or anything, nooo way
which is saying something for regina bc you just knoooow she barely leaves the house without applying SOMETHING
(i dont have freckles myself so sorry if this sounds ignorant or smth!)
cady is ..... very awkward . i think . esp w/ relationships, ANY relationship at that
regina should know this (she doesn't)
she lowkey expects these special things and whatnot from cady and cady is just :)?
bc she does NOT know what the hell is going on
most times, anyway. i t hink she sort of picks up on shit as she goes through school but like..
that's cause she purposely observes other ppl / couples / friends to see what they do . and then she basically adopts that shit
i started making these and i didnt evne like.. have a set timeline in mind for them. bc realistically a lot of these relationships would not last in canon / post canon. or form at all lbr. but lets pretend. i guess most of these follow canon / is canon compliant. w/ some wishful thinking / AUs. ...IF THAT MAKES SENSE
janis/gretchen
dont rly think theyd be toooo good for each other but. honestly who else here really is LOL most if not all the characters would have a loooot to do introspective wise before actually getting into any relationship BUT . for these few minutes . let us pretend
assuming we're talking abt them in a canon compliant world, they'd..... def have a lot to unpack together. from regina alone esp
i think they'd be able to help each other out w/ that sort of thing
ESP w/ the trauma they got from regina
it just affected them both in veeeery different ways
janis' turned into anger. where gretchen's turned into anxiety
they both realistically would NOT be ready for a romantic relationship, as i mentioned previously
and even something non romantic? i dont think theyd ever be able to form a normal relationship of ANY kind ever again
BUT. but. maybe they see themself in the other . maybe they want to help try and fix the other . bc maybe then it will help fix themself
hopefully that makes sense idk im just saying shit atp
most relationships where the ppl involved r incredibly similar dont end up working but like ..
janis and gretchen arent necessarily similar. they just have similar experiences. which could easily strengthen their relationship
they're fucked up in the same way.. you feel me
ANYWAY
i wrote this idea thing awhile back and its like.. gretchen cutting her hair short and janis seeing this and going ... hm. bc she senses the repressed homosexual or whatever. and she confronts her about it blah blah
anywho. i see gretchen as a lesbian. unsure atm whether shes like.. aware of it or not. ANYway, as we all know, janis is a Professional Lesbian or whatever, so i think janis like... helps her w/ that sort of stuff?
uhhhmmm oh right the hair. i totally see gretchen fucking w/ her hair following the canon events. and ofc i also see janis as someone who has messed w/ her hair a TON...
i think she helps gretchen experiment w/ that. her style too
sort of related.. but janis also def helps gretchen in managing and dealing w/ her anger and shit
bc janis sees that its THERE. its just buried deeeep within her
and gretchen helps janis deal w/ her more ...... softer? emotions
as seen in the musical... janis is NOT afraid to physically express her love. which seems super unlike her and her demeanor, i love it
and once again, gretchen is like ..... she needs this shit or else she will DIE (and yet touch lowkey makes her uncomfortable, depending on her mood and the time)
and so.. perfect pairing. janis isnt afraid to offer her touch.(?) and always provides it when gretchen asks for it (she asks a lot)
regina/gretchen
once again, realistically, this would not happen. esp in a canon world . even if everyone "got better"
however, i loved these 2 for whatever reason when i was younger LMAO
i had a bunch of little things written down for them in my notes but . i do not feel like going through them rn unfortunately. may revisit this at some other point. in order to see exactly what younger me thought of them
unlike gretchen w/ cady... iiii dont think gretchen's clingy-ness / codependency would get much better w/ regina
unless regina like . rly changes herself. if they BOTH rly change themselves
i think they'd both view each other as how they were in the past . regina would see gretchen as this clingy pushover and gretchen would see regina as this passive aggressive ruler . and REALISTICALLY i think they would prevent them from pursuing anything big, ykwim?
like. gretchen still admired regina and she lowkey HATED herself for that but its like.. as ive talked abt previously, shes probably not gonna get anything better yk? so she stayed w/ regina
ANYWAY. ENOUHG OF THAT SORRY
honestly? in an "everything is perfect and happy" world , i think theyd both be clingy af LOL
regina would, like, never admit but like.. shes super clingy
i think their relationships w/ touch are very ... unique
ive talked abt gretchen a bunch w/ touch and shit but regina... i dont know
she's def okay w/ it .. in terms of being on the receiving end but .. im not sure if she rly provides it much
shes def shit at recognizing and managing her emotions.. esp the more positive ones.. so i think she like. i think shes weird w/ providing affection
and i suppose receiving it too sometimes, esp if its from someone she REALLY likes
but yeah.. they're both weird w/ touch IDK hopefully this makes sense!!!!
i think gretchen is very patient w/ regina... and regina tries to be w/ gretchen, but fails most times (she's trying)
regina finds it like. embarrassing to ask for stuff (ESP affection) but.. she does learn that it is Okay eventually
and gretchen, unfortunately, is very awkward when it comes to this shit!
ESP since its w/ REGINA GEORGE
so she lowkey like.. freaks out when first asked to do ANYTHING towards her
regina tries her best to calm her down but shes shit at emotions and . yeah .
(its ok they got throuhg it) (i think)
gretchen/karen
won't lie rn. dont rly care for them much. def prefer other non romantic relationships for them
buuuut since im doing stuff for NOT just romantic relationships... i shall say a few things
as ive talked abt in previous gretchen pairings / duos... she just needs someone who'll love and appreciate her for who she is
and i dont doubt that karen would provide. she def would
they def have an interesting and fun bond, esp throughout the whole regina thing, throughout their friendship w/ regina as a whole, etc
anywho. krystina alabado once put on her story abt this like.. cactus that was in the dressing room she shared w/ kate rockwell. turns out it was fake. and kate watered it for a full 2 years
anyway thats a total gretchen and karen situation LOL
(gretchen acts liike she wasn't watering it too. she absolutely was)
karen and gretchen def buy a bunch of lil succulents and take care of them together
gretchen def feels super comfortable w/ karen, more comfortable than w/ most people
so that sort of made like .. getting a deeper relationship w/ her a lot easier
once again, gretchen is fs a lot more awkward when they take things farther in regards to their relationship
and karen has NO idea what the hell gretchen is on about
but she tries to remain as comfortable and supportive as possible
gretchen touch starved... karen touch provider... its perfect
gretchen def isnt afraid to ask for stuff from karen. she has to be a lot more precise and direct but . yeah
okay.. sorry that most of these aren't "shippy" but. hopefully theyre okay! i left out a few potential pairings bc i either 1. dont care for them much or 2. dont have much to say. HOWEVER if you still want to hear abt one i did not talk abt here, just lmk :3 i will come up w/ something.. thank u for sending this in :D
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0ystercatcher · 16 days
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ok now that i have a little time. time to post about my america journey. this ones about restaurants and service work. im sorry in advance but also im not because im objectively Correct.
dear american friends. tipping there is bullshit, retarded, insane, fucked up. restaurant service does not need to be that involved, complicated, annoying or intrusive. yes i understand the us kind of sort of runs on its service economy, yes i understand work is work, yes i understand often its corporate policy and yes i still fucking hated it. there is genuinely no good reason for anyone to be paying 15%+ ON TOP of the actual prices at a restaurant. yes yes i undeerstand the wage issue yes oh all powerful american yes you deserve to be properly compensated for your labors but the way youre also just supposed to accept random customers are the ones who owe you 15%+ MINIMUM (and some places had like an 18% minimum, for real what the fuck) is genuinely crazy to me. im also going to be real min wage in wa for all tipped workers is the normal min wage so you cant even bullshit me w the federal rates or whatever. its a crazy policy. it makes no sense in the vast majority of cases and it makes servers ANNOYING ill get into this also. again yes i understand the reasons people often bring up as to why this is the case but i still simply disagree this is the best way to do this.
also once again sorry. servers are fucking annoying when everyones angling for tips. sorry. i simply do not want to be bothered 5 times while im eating my slop or whatever just to get asked if the food is good or whatever. im eating it just fine brother please just leave me alone. yes im being a cunt yes im getting borderline misanthropic with this but for real i find it crazy, insane, stupid, that people will genuinely respond to this with like. the vaguest arguments about how if you dislike eating out just dont. bc like i dont dislike eating out at all but this particular way of dealing w customers is like. fucking crazy. i want...to just enjoy the meal. this is where i could get into the other thing that deeply annoyed me abt the usa and once again im going to be evil but its the fake nice small talk w cashiers or whatever like look. look. i am not mean in person. i believe treating people who are just doing their jobs in your presence with respect and dignity are absolute necessities and i prommy i am very nice to people when i am consuming products or services. i do in fact, say please and thank you. but bro americans go crazy with it and yes yes corporate policy yes this and that. but oh my god i was sick of it by the end of the trip even if i was also getting better at it. i simply do not think you need to exchange a minimum of 2 unrelated pleasntries to begin any sort of transactional interaction though and again im not opposed to hi, please, thanks, thats obvious and necessary. but to be fucking honest i dont want the beloved talented barista who made me a delicious espresso to ask me if im having a nice day. i dont need it. i dont need to ask it back either this guys just working like what exactly are they gonna say. they dont need to be wasting their time like this. i am there for coffee or whatever the fuck else no offense to them obviously but we all know this is true. so why. why bother. why bother with any of this. the third world does just fine without it. why bother. i think this may have been the thing i disliked the most.
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marinazone · 3 months
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What's been bugging my brain recently
Boy oh boy where do I start. Well I suppose I'll start with a little bit of context. Hi! My name is Hunter (if you never knew my real moniker, not many do even if i tell them); and I have been in a disastrous...what could only be described as love illness, since February 28th. Before i explain why (if you dont already know) allow me to provide my full experience with love. When i was in 12th grade i was used as rebound for a girl named Nicole after her boyfriend had broken up with her. It was the first time i had ever gotten to feel love, the expectations of what i should expect were to be established from then forward. We talked a lot asked eachother how we were doing shared similar interests that kinda shit. It was cool, the sex was lukewarm at best but it felt nice to feel appreciated. Thats when her emotional manipulation began. She would be in low points that i attributed to depression. I always told her "go get help for your depression, itll only get worse" all of which she militantly ignored to the point where she told me she was being physically abused by her family. Naturally, stupid me, believed her and grew more and more attached and protective and i didnt find out til after we split up that she was full of horse shit. It was during this point that she would take opportunities when she was "moody" to punch me across the face. Why did i take that shit? I dont know! I guess i was too fucking scared to lose someone i was attached too. Two years passed and i realize she started to ditch me to hang with some dude named Paul and was cheating on me for months. I finally asked firmly if she was and she admitted it, playing sap. I was devestate for about three months afterward. I had planned to kill myself numerous times but always remembered how much my friends would miss me. It was during this time around 2013 that i took up a habit of walking a mile to a nearby bridge on a "private walk" over an artificial lake to just gaze into and get lost in what seemed like infinite thought. I eventually got over her, but only after deleting all contact with her.
Second is someone online i will just call Saber. A very basic ass relationship. No emotional fulfillment for me and only sexting. He was a bit different in abuse in that it was more a financial abuse than anything else. He relied on me to pay for his ffxiv game and subscription and shit cause he didnt live in NA and i didnt see a cent back. The separation was far more a fade then burning out. We just stopped talking and i stopped giving once i realized i was being used
And the third ex is actually criminally dangerous so i will avoid any details at all about them! Just know theyre in jail still i think and they dont know my address
So we arrive more recently, I dont want to use exact names as im still in contact with them and are (presumably) friends and i do not wish to expose information given in confidence. I will just be using first initials as follow: A, B, T, and W.
So it began with a message I'd received from B (all this was when i was freyacrescentshangover on here). He messaged me because we were into the same shit and asked if i wanted to rp. I figured sure! Why not! Well he was pretty chill and nice and i would eventually tell him i had a crush on him. He said "its cool we have similar fetishes but lets just stay friends for now ok?"
It didnt upset me to much. Then W entered my life and boy is she a treat (not sarcastic, mostly). She contacted me for much the same reason. We were into similar shit. We'd spend a lot of time back and forthing this stuff and getting to know eachother and then i finally told her i had a crush on her and her answer is something to keep in mind for later. She didnt say yes, but she didnt say no. She told me things such as ne being cute and how she enjoyed how we had similar kinks and said she'd be down to be more flirty sometimes. I had no fucking idea what this meant (No offense W) so I was more just in a state of confusion where our relationship was. As for why i admired her? She was passionate. Her interests were so emblazoned on her soul that is was visceral just being in a conversation (still is to an extent). Yet she's also so cool and mysterious. It felt like she was someone i had to learn about, someone that i could listen to their passions for hours in complete awe and admiration. Thats still what i admire about her to this day i suppose, but ill get onto that more in a bit.
This was also around the same time i had developed a crush on A. A is super cool and chill even to this day. Never afraid to be herself or says what she feels and that is truely admirable. She'd contacted me because, once again, we were into similar fetishes. We did the old exchange weird stuff and talk until i noticed she, by complete fucking cosmic coincidence, lived in the same town as me. You guessed it! Got a crush on her. This rejection breaks the mold a bit though in that she reciprocated the feelings but felt she was in to many relationships and couldnt provide me the emotional support i needed. Didnt bother me too much.
Well, that is until a couple months later A and her wife formed triad with W. It felt so.....bad if im being honest. I feel guilty to say it and i am really happy for them still! But there's always been a part of me since then that sorta felt......jealous? Short changed? I dont know, its hard to find a word for it. Its like when you taste something super fucking sour but you like expected it to be sweet. My self worth sorta plummeted from it all. Like i just wasnt enough for them..
Cut to later and i met T. Shes super sweet and funny and boy i got a crush on her too! She got into contact with me because......you guessed it! Similar fetishes! It feels like im just gifted with a power that lets people confide their weird fetishes with me. When i told her she told me essentially "Same fetishes dont like you that way".
Now we cut from 3 years ago to a month ago. I get feelings spurring up again for T and W (Probably A too but after how this goes I dont wanna be crushed ever again). I tell T first i have a crush on her. She says something similar to before but elaborates that romantic feelings are very hard for her to obtain. Then I tell W again. She says "We have similar fetishes and thats cool but i dont like you that way". For some fucking reason, this was an emotionally devastating breaking point for me and im not sure why. i got over T in like two days. W on the other hand? Were a month strong in and I still cant stop being depressed about it all. What happened here? What went different here? Was it because of the awkward response id receive years ago? Was it the jealousy-like feelings i still harbored? Is it just because i wanted to hear more about her and her interests and passions hidden under that cool (and sexy) exterior like i had before? I dont know. Probably never will. Likely a combination of all those though.
So here I am, on this weird precipice of loneliness, ready to die any second because my self worth doesnt seem to improve no matter what I do (and ive been doing a ton lately). Will I be able to work up the courage to take another final shot at A? Probably not, my body can't take another hit like that. Atleast not so soon. Will I ever get over W? Im not sure. The last time i felt this bad was with Nicole and I had to cut all contact with her to feel better, but the thought of doing that with W makes me even more sick. Maybe I'm just SOL and my emotional and mental stability doomsday clock is finally reaching midnight (sure hope not! I have Marinas to bully!).
Apart from all this, with how spurred i feel and such. I find it harder and harder to get out of bed every day. To do the things i like keeping myself healthy. Eating. Showering. To live. And yet I move.
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decaydanceunredacted · 3 months
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yay💞 trans ryan not!fic time. obligatory disclaimer this is not meant 2 be speculative at ALL or representative of all trans experiences etc etc its just for funzies hokay. i am crazy. but i am free
we'll do transguy ryan first. in my mind the timeline is that he starts seriously learning ab queerness sometime in high school, super burying himself online + in books all the time. tries to be a tomboy, butch, but it just doesnt rly work. so he tells spencer one summer, hey, i think im a guy. goes through senior year knowing but not telling anyone else, except for maybe a couple more friends, spencers mom. buys new clothes and keeps his hair short and his head down til the summer after graduation; doesnt even tell brendon hes trans once brendon joins the band, brendons just like alright cool youre a guy with a girly voice whatev. he does come out to him soon enough since they get pretty close but for the most part fully intends on keeping stealth, esp as the band gets bigger, bigger, and it seriously turns into a ticket outta there.
he doesnt manage to start taking t until around mid 2006 and the costumes + makeup help a lot a lot in dealing w heavy dysphoria+general discomfort around that time and with being perceived ssooo much so fast. he got top surgery around 07 and cabin era was yes in part to make a new album but also he spent it recovering. he was able to mellow out a lot in 07/08 in big part thanks to finally being comfortable in his own body. yay💖 idk if he'd ever come out publicly or stay stealth forever. maybe? anyway
tgirl ryan is a different story entirely. it starts sort of the same - finding blogs & books about queerness about halfway through high school, and it all resonates way too deep, too much. instead of coming out, she refuses to think about it and refuses to talk about it and refuses to let comments from the public, from the press, from her friends and bandmates and pete about could be pretty for a girl, and are you sure youre not gay? get to her. again, the makeup & the costumes are solace. bending and experimenting and maybe, sometimes, seeing herself in the mirror, and still being able to snap back into place: say see, dont worry, its just for show. and she doesnt really mean to ever let it slip but its 2007, theyre supposed to be making a new album but it sort of feels like theyre making a new -- something else entirely, and, well, theyre doing a lot of drugs. she asks, do you think im a girl? sort of vaguely, the ceiling is spinning and everyones quiet, too quiet, she almost thinks none of them are there and shes gonna sit up to see shes alone in her room, until jon says: i dont know, i think thats up to you. she sits up, and everyones looking at her. not judging; mostly just curious, confused.
ryan tells them, yes, she likes her name. it can be a girls name, right? she already chose it once. so they still call her ryan but they start calling her her in private, because, she says, hell no, shes not coming out to everyone. not any time soon, at least.
things are way easier, way more comfortable, just like that, for a while. being out to even just a select few is a big weight off; its easy enough to tune out everyone else. but as time goes on it becomes more and more obvious, its definitely not sustainable for the long term.
so the band falls apart. so its just her and jon. they do a couple shows and the venues are way smaller, the attention is dying down, and thats when she tells him, okay, i want to come out.
its just one interview, she tries to keep it lowkey, telling everyone in her immediate circle first and telling them yes, yes, please, call me a woman in public. dont make me do all the work.
so thats how it happens. its not easy, by any means, but she starts estrogen and lets her hair grow out and curl, smiles hard when jon refers to her easily, correctly on stage, in front of everyone, and so maybe its all worth it; to be comfortable like this, in her own skin. and maybe it pays off in ways she didnt even think of, too -- someone in the audience, one night, passing up a trans flag for her to put on the mic stand.
.
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ashtheva · 4 months
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[UNDERSWAP] Quotes For Every Character
I went ahead and wrote some character quotes for every significant character in Underswap (Including some characters who never initially had any concepts.) Hopefully whoever ends up seeing this enjoys them! Some characters will also include headcanons (Which I will explain along with their personality as you read.)
I'm going by the logic that each character retains some of their personality, while still giving off a swapped vibe.
Temmie Quotes:
“h0i!!11!1 im temmie! Temmie da t3m!!1!”
“By my temmie fwakes for 1g!!!”
"Dey totez don't hurt u!!111! :3"
“BUY. THE DAMN. FLAKES!"
"In this world, selfish desires are the only solution!"
Asgore Quotes:
“Do not fret, dear fallen, as it is I, Asgore, Caretaker of the Ruins.”
“If I may ask, do you prefer Golden Flower Tea or Sea Tea? I am not sure if you've had them before, but choose the one that sounds most interesting to you.”
"Would you like to try a piece of pie? I'm... unfortunately not the best at baking, but I try!"
“I am sorry, dear child. As the Ex-King of the Underground, I shall see if you are worthy of the outside world.”
Mad Dummy Headcanon:
Considered "silent, but deadly." Doesn't speak just like the Ruins Dummy in UT, but still attacks you.
Mad Dummy Quotes:
"..."
"..."
"... >:("
Mettablook Quotes:
“You’re a fan.. of me? That’s flattering, darling.. But I’m just a nobody..”
“Oh, my..”
“Oh, how I wish to be a star, but the dream seems so far.”
Papyrus Quotes:
“greetings, i'm a totally ordinary human being.” (When greeting you w/ Groucho Glasses)
"call me frank, and to be FRANK with you, i'm happy i saw another human today." (Still wearing groucho glasses)
"nah, i'm just pulling your leg bones." (After taking them off)
“hello, the name’s papyrus, but you can call me papyrus.”
"guess you should put more BACKBONE into it."
"i don't have the GUTS to stop smoking. heh heh."
“uh oh. i suppose you’re gonna have a rather unpleasant experience.”
“don’t worry, in the end, i still believe in you.”
“you really thought i’d just stand there and eat it up?
how naive.”
“human, don’t smoke. It’s bad for you. we skeletons have no lungs, so we do what we want, you know?”
“junior jumble is way harder than crossword, amirite?”
"you really think crossword's better, brother? un. believable."
“YOU’RE JUST SPINELESS.”
“YOU’RE DEAD MEAT.”
Sans Quotes:
“I’M SANS. THE MAGNIFICENT SANS!”
“SERIOUSLY, BRO? YOU’RE SMOKIN' AGAIN?”
"THAT STUFF'S BAD FOR YOUR LUNGS, QUIT IT!" “I’M PRETTY SANS-ATIONAL, EH?” *audible wink.*
“MWEH HEH HEH!!!"
"YOU REALLY WANNA BE MY FRIEND?"
"LISTEN, I HAVE A TON OF WORK TO DO TODAY. A SKELE-TON!"
"HEH, I GUESS YOU'RE LAZIER THAN I THOUGHT, BRO."
"PAPYRUS, YOU'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT. DON'T YOU THINK YOU NEED SOME REST?"
“I’LL STOP YA IN YOUR TRACKS, KID! I’M THE MAGNIFICENT SANS, AND I’LL CAPTURE YOU!”
“AND I SAID TO CAPTAIN ‘ALPH, YOU DON’T GOTTA BE SO ‘COLD BLOODED’!”
"HUMAN. TURN AROUND, AND FACE MAGNIFICENCE IN THE EYE SOCKETS!"
"i guess this is goodbye..."
"imma.. imma go home and take a nap i suppose."
Burgerpants Quotes:
“Hey there, little buddy! Care to try one of my burgers? I call ‘em smiley patties!”
“Be careful what you wish for, little buddy.”
"Once, I dreamed of becoming a famous actor.. But, I unfortunately aimed for something less ambitious, and got stuck here."
"I'm still staying hopeful though, never give up on your dreams! Stay positive!"
“Smoking? What do I look like, I run a burger shop for a stuck up robot? That's bad for your lungs, kid!"
Muffet Quotes:
“Papyrus, you gonna pay your tab soon?”
“Please, come again soon~!”
“I should introduce the both of you to my pet~”
"That's gonna be extra for the honey that you drink everyday, Papyrus!"
Asriel Headcanon:
Asriel is older than he is in Undertale.
Asriel Quotes:
“Howdy, Chara!”
“Don’t you think Alphys is so cool?”
“Let’s be friends!”
“Here, have this locket. A symbol of our friendship!”
Flowey Headcanon:
All of the Floweys are innocent and goofy, but speak normally. The Flowey replacing Bob would be named Rob, (to reference an Underswap co-host who went by "Coastrobbo") who speaks like Undertale Temmie. Each Flowey has a distinctive personality.
Flowey Quotes:
“Howdy! I’m Flowey!”
“Hoi!!11! im rob!!”
“Look, I have a sprout!! I’m such a proud parent!”
“DIE.” *insert struggling to wrap around Chara.* “Nevermind..”
Alphys Headcanon:
Alphys is often insecure about the way she looks at times, but she deals with it, it helps with intimidation. She still stutters due to having a speech impediment, not due to shyness or nervousness.
Alphys Quotes:
"Y-You'll have to try harder to beat me than t-that, human!"
"Oh my god, Mew Mew Kissy Cutie is on right now!!"
"O-Oh, that Dr. Undyne person? S-She's.. so cute!"
"Darn it! I'll keep you at bay with a ton of lightning strikes if I need to!"
"I-I'm always afraid of hurting people with my insane strength, or scaring them with the way I look..."
"I'm done hiding, I'm coming right for you, human!"
Regular / Ruins Dummy Headcanon:
Regular Dummy can speak, and fights you out of boredom rather than getting angry. They leave rather rude/snarky remarks towards Chara. Their attacks consist of boring things. (Idk, like dust particles, newspaper articles n' junk.)
Regular / Ruins Dummy Quotes:
"You really don't know how to keep a guy entertained, do ya?"
"You're boring me here, buddy.."
"I'm out, you're too boring."
"Wow, didn't see that attack coming, again."
"Are all humans this bland?"
Undyne Headcanon:
Less shy than Undertale Alphys, she more so just likes to keep to herself. She's nerdy and she likes to keep her things organized.
Undyne Quotes:
"Please, don't mess with any of my stuff, I worked hard to keep them organized."
"Hey, human! I'm Dr. Undyne, the Royal Scientist of TORIEL."
"Well my schedule is r-ruined now, hope you're happy..!"
"I installed a totally cool bomb-defuser thing on your phone, try it out!"
“Anyways, uh.. You want some soda?”
“Anime is amazing, I absolutely LOVE Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2! I love it for it’s more mature themes!"
"
Napstaton / Napstablook Quotes:
"WHY DON'T WE GIVE THE HUMAN A TRADITIONAL WELCOME, DUDES?"
"LET'S GET THIS STREAM ON THE TRACKS!"
"REALLY NOT FEELIN' UP TO IT RIGHT NOW. SORRY."
"YOU KNOW I'M AN IMPENETRABLE ROBOT, RIGHT? HERE, I'LL JUST PRETEND YOU BEAT ME..” **DIAL UP SOUND NOISES, ERROR SCREEN.**
"SOMETIMES I LIKE TO RELAX ON THE GROUND AND LISTEN TO SAD MUSIC WHILE FEELING LIKE GARBAGE. IT'S A FAMILY TRADITION, BUT I DON'T DO IT AS OFTEN NOWADAYS."
"GET ANY QUESTIONS WRONG ON MY SURVEY, AND YOU'LL BE.. uh, eradicated? uh.. HAHA, YES, UH, ERADICATED!"
"oh.................. you flipped my switch."
"I totally feel up to it now, dudes!"
"I'll punch you with these awesome arms!"
Grillby Headcanon:
Grillby can speak, but just chooses not to. He has a Heat's Flamesman who says whatever he might be thinking on his shoulder.
Grillby Quotes:
"..."
"..."
"..."
Heat's Flamesman: "The boss thinks you should buy his food, OR ELSE!"
"...You're in debt, human. You owe me your soul."
Nice Cream Guy Headcanon:
Nice Cream Guy hates his life. He works in NTT's radio station room and does the sound work. He doesn't necessarily hate Napstaton, he just finds him obnoxious at times. He has a lisp, and is made fun of the way he says ice cream, "Nice Cream"
Nice Cream Guy Quotes:
“What do you need now, Naps..?”
“OH!!! Someone came to see me?”
“I’m always made fun of for the way I say ‘Nice Cream’, I have this dumb lisp.”
"Want some advice? Don't be like me. I gave up trying to own my own Nice Cream shop long ago, now look where I am in life."
Catty & Bratty Quotes:
"We're like.. SO hyped to capture you and stuff."
"Hi, my name's Catty, and this is my rival, Bratty!"
"Hi, my name's Bratty, and this is my rival, Catty!"
Catty: "Really, will ya stop finishing all of my.."
Bratty: "SENTENCES?! I think not!"
RG01 & RG02 Headcanon:
RG01 & RG02 own the shop dump. They resemble typical video game nerds who review Video Games (e.g. Nostalgia Critic and AVGN), they're still a couple and bicker about their favorite games.
RG01 & RG02 Quotes:
RG01: “Dude, like, we both know that Deltatale is better than Underrune!
RG02: “Really, brah? You have no taste.”
Toriel Quotes:
"My child, would you perhaps like a piece of pie?"
* Toriel stands silent as if she doesn’t want to do this, but she must.
MK Quotes:
"Yo, dude! It's me. Your best friend!"
Frisk Headcanon:
Frisk does not speak. They communicate using sign language. Frisk will stand there silently, and randomly jump scare you before everything goes black.
Frisk Quotes:
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
RANDOM JUMPSCARE.
Riverperson Quotes:
"Tra la la.
I heard the old song from the sea.
It was chanting towards me.
It drowned me in… darkness.
As if I have reached the bottom of the ocean.
I yelled… and I yelled.
But no one heard me."
??? Quotes:
"✋︎ ✌︎💣︎ ✌︎☠︎ ⚐︎☼︎👎︎✋︎☠︎✌︎☼︎✡︎ 👍︎✋︎❄︎✋︎☪︎☜︎☠︎📪︎ 👌︎🕆︎❄︎ 🏱︎☜︎⚐︎🏱︎☹︎☜︎ 👍︎✌︎☹︎☹︎ 💣︎☜︎ ✌︎ 💣︎✌︎☝︎✋︎👍︎✋︎✌︎☠︎📬︎"
"❄︎☟︎☜︎ 👍︎⚐︎💣︎☜︎👎︎✋︎✌︎☠︎ ✌︎💧︎😐︎☜︎👎︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 👍︎☼︎⚐︎🕈︎👎︎ ✋︎☞︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎✡︎ 🕈︎✌︎☠︎❄︎☜︎👎︎ ❄︎⚐︎ ☟︎☜︎✌︎☼︎ ✌︎ ☺︎⚐︎😐︎☜︎ ✌︎👌︎⚐︎🕆︎❄︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 🏱︎☜︎☼︎✋︎⚐︎👎︎✋︎👍︎ ❄︎✌︎👌︎☹︎☜︎📬︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎✡︎ ☼︎☜︎🏱︎☹︎✋︎☜︎👎︎ ❻︎☠︎✌︎❼︎📬︎"
"👌︎☜︎🕈︎✌︎☼︎☜︎ ⚐︎☞︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 💣︎✌︎☠︎ ✋︎☠︎ ❄︎☟︎☜︎ 👌︎⚐︎✌︎❄︎📬︎"
Annoying Dog (PopcornPr1nce) Quotes:
"Bork!"
Hatsune Miku Quotes:
"Why am I even here?"
"What's an Udderwasp?"
"I am nothing more than a simulation."
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frijimus · 4 months
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sergei unorganised thought dump
i think he's silly and funny and sily and i like him
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me and my friend talk abt how dragunov's movements are so surgical, rehearsed, precise. they have such windups but when they connect they hit fast like a gunshot (the sound design helps sm with this imagery)
ive felt this way for tk7 but i love how after grapples he usually has little tactical ways to get back up
the automatic, reflexive way he fights is so cool (and attractive?! goes without saying i feel this way), he just wants to dispose of his opponent and get on with it, he's all business..
his heat startup and new rage art animation feels that way too, the glove adjust and the growl.. he's like let's get this shit done with already !!..
his heat smash shoulder bash too phwee!! <3 he uses all his body parts in such a intentional way.. he knows where and how to hit and hits hard
pair this with how he acts outside of business, he's always lost in thought and humming and in his own world.. its emphasised especially in tk8. i still love how he was a bit more ruthless in tk5-7, but i'd like to think bc he's on vacation he's a little more chill. he still has cold intros and outros tho, i forget how chilling the camera stare is supposed to be because i just think its cool </3
i always liked gap moe in my favs so yippie!
he's insanely attractive even to nonfans for a character whose design motifs revolve around the living dead; pale skin, dark lips, half lidded milky eyes (but they shine so cutely), sharp skeletal features. despite that he looks extremely chiselled its crazy.. i forget how much of a beast he is compared to the other male characters (incredibly tall.. like a scarecrow [scaring birds...no wonder the ravens have such a tough time w him] and i think one of the heaviest characters in the game)
apart from a few (nonromantic) relationships i like to think he's very solitary, so i'm not too interested in a lot of ships w him, but i usually dont care too much abt that stuff. theres like one and thats it lol. i just like seeing him be really cool. i am crazy fond of self ships like player/character, but thats mainly self indulgent and disconnected from canon..
even tho bryan and victor are my favs i like.. am not interested in them interacting seriously with him. dragunov's like toooo cool headed to really pay attention to them. i will forever love the idea that the raven unit has such a hard time with him but he doesn't really know any of them, like when he sees them he just feels like 'oh, it's them again. back to work.' with bryan too i like to think bryan likes him as per the ttt2 implication? but then gets bored because he just dispatches people too quickly and moves on, haha. a little ankle biter. i dont think dragunov is a sadist to the extent he is.
speaking of victor, in their intro, theres a little surprised squeak when he rolls out of the way of the attack, im not sure which of the two are making that noise but if its dragu EEK its super cute.
i had such a hibernation period with sergei when tk7 started declining, the difference between tk8 and 7 is insane im happy it stoked my love for him again
ohh yea and one more thing my friends keep teasing me abt his intro in the story mode, whenever i land a grapple we always quote "and SQUEEEEEZES the life out of them"
in more silly thoughts, i think he gives great hugs. i think his core/chest is very warm but his arms and legs are cold. maybe.
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lowlyroach · 3 months
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1198) the fingerprint where her hand is around my throat
waking up from a nightmare
you and your best friend are
killing yourselves
the sun is coming up now
it's bathing the earth in teal
this is it
no
this isnt like ketchup
ketchup? no, this isnt like a topping
was there a point?
what happens when
this is gone again
no, this isnt like a topping
a nightmare into a nightmare and does it ever end
does it ever end was there any point to this?
give me back the stars then take them and take them and
your best friend and you are dying
was there a point to this?
did it ever feel good
all of this existing?
right, right, right.
its spun with thread so thickly now
youre losing count
no, this isnt like a topping
ah, i see was there a point to that?
or this?
right, right
how far back?
dont go back to bed.
youre both going to
do it again and again
what was the point to this?
birth to death what was the point?
right, no, this isnt like a topping
you keep losing yourself to the thought
right this is abnormal
abstract
thoughts you arent
supposed to look so closely
your life is like bits of flaky paint that chips away
its not meant to be peered too closely at
dont go to bed
he stares at his phone
there's a noose around his neck
you cant tell him about the gun you've bought, right?
neither of you say a word and you both die while screaming
what if all of this was like a topping?
right, youre looking too closely the paint is flaking
dont go back to bed from birth to death
from birth to death
theres no point left
the stars arent there
most people have stars there
not you
right?
dont go back there
dont go back
stay here stay here
was there a point from birth to death
there has to be someone who
closes the door behind everyone
when they all leave you behind
like the ending of a sentence
something has to punctuate it
i guess thats what you are
sleep and wake and sleep and stars in paper and drink and smoke and sober and oh right you have organs, somewhere in there right?
right and if you die your friend keeps going and going and going
do you own your own silence
how many thoughts were between that line and the prior?
lifetimes are breathing and dying
right was there a point to this
dad?
birth to death
why do you keep
overlooking that one spot
didnt someone use to be there?
on a bleacher and i loved your stomach and
from birth to death why
you keep skipping this part
go back
was there a point?
birth to wake to school to work to sleep to death to death to death to death to death to death
dont go to bed
is there a silver lining
if you keep skipping the best part
where her hand is around my throat
right youre looking too closely at the layers
wrapped up in the painting for you
its like knowing that the whole world on the other side of the mirror is amazing but only being able to see the fingerprint you leave on the glass
right, to build a puppet to go and learn and grow and then to work and work and work and die
why do you keep skipping past the only part that's worth it
did i already get all the good and now i'm paying for it?
i guess in a way that makes sense but hold on what do i get out of it
i see the brain is like that too
now im paying off the debt of childhood
just there isnt anything good left
but debt and debt and debt and debt
why do you keep skipping the best part
wasnt there a girl and bleachers and gym class and sometime after another school with college and a movie with morse code and years go by and they somehow never end up around each other in the end and again and again and again and wait that was the best part and now youre paying for it without knowing when it ended? is the brain like that too where you got everything and now youre paying it off why cant i see the rest of this fingerprint i feel like im just here for punctuation was there a point except for punctuation? does punctuation own itself?
oh right, isnt everything supposed to be like that part in the middle? oh youre supposed to keep looking for the stuff in the middle without there being stuff in the middle
dad?
is this really it?
stop crying
whats wrong with me whats wrong with me whats wronjg with me what s worng with me whats worng with me whats swrong with me whats sworng with me
thats right im so ugly
so ugly so ugly so ugly
is it going to get like that again?
i really just want to go back to bed
shut up and keep paying off your debt
you took out a loan on the stars and the butterflies and now you have to
pay it all back?
can i go back to the nightmare
where me and my best friend were killing ourselves?
before i woke up this morning?
id rather be anywhere but here
why does everything else keep going and going and going
was there a point to this?
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spindash · 2 years
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embarrassing but i jusst need to talk ok.......... under the cut because iknow itll be long um im talking abot cancer and animal death and dog like. i dont knw. attacks. & other kindof awful things so no pressure to even look or read anything. loveyou forevr
My uncle isnt going to make it the next two years even with the two surgeries and chemo the brain tumor is too much and he just got the news the beginning of this month that hes not going to make it. we all kindof knew that woukd be the case even w his last surgery but nobody knew it would be so soon. hes literally like my best friend he has been ever since i was little and he means the world to me. he got diagnosed august of last year and its been like a fucking nightmare ever since. And on top of that i lost agnes like less than a fucking week aftwr i got the news about my uncle its literally been crushing and its hard for me to want to do anything at all and nobody even wants to TALK about it im just supposed to deal alone and my dad will not stop pressuring me to finish getting my degree and get a job and i know i should and i want to but its impossible to do anytbing at all im so exhausted like physically i can barely stay awake and i just feel so isolated. And then we've been taking care of my uncles dog for the last year obviously since he cant and shes never liked me too much but she tolerates me because Im a sucker and i love giving her little treats like peanut butter and any nibbles of what im eating aslong as its safe bht i dont know whats happened in the last few weeks she has completely flipped the switch and i genuinely cannot leave my room anymore without her baring her teeth at me and growling and lunging for me. shes gotten me really bad a couple times thats what that bruise was from and i have some nasty gashes and scars on my feet and legs like ive never bled that much it soaked thru my sock and all over the floor she completely scares the shit out of me i cant even be near her without bawling my eyes out anymore. my parents are like yeah yeah well we'll talk to your uncle soon about getting her some training but not now and dont mention it because youll upset him. Like i think hes going to be more upset that his dog is trying to fucking kill me or something than you asking if he would pay for her to go. somebwere i dont know anywhere. i dont want anything to happen to her like putting her down shes not a bad dog atall she just had such a hard time with different owners as a puppy. it makes me feel awful to say but i wish to fucking god she was anywhere but here not just cuz she scares me but Im scared for the cats too. shes surprisingly aloof towards them but i dont know. i thought she was fine with me too and now. Sprry this is all crazy personal and like batshit to post online if you read all of this um. sorry do you still like me etc i dont have any joke to wrap it up with literally every good thing in my life is crumbling around me and i cant do anything about it nor do i have to tools to deal with it emotionally and i want to blow my head off 👍
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redscorchedwings · 2 years
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i wanna kms
I cant believe i have to go through life for another 50ish years, like do i really have to have goals and a job and a car and pay bills all for it to not matter when i die? Let me just get it over w rn
I cant believe this is really happening again. I must be the most horrible person on earth and no one can convince me otherwise. Like how bad a person do i have to be to be left by a best friend 3 separate times. And obviously it not them, its me, im the common factor here. How am i supposed to make any more friends when i know its gonna end the same way, it always does. Im afraid im gonna end up alone. I should just kms
I really think im gonna enf up livinh a mediocre life, struggling to make ends meet and no one to rely on. Thats my future
I have big dreams, i wanna do great things but i dont think i can
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sunsunsunandsun · 2 months
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Apr 30
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Im on call w my sister her husband and my cousin because i decided to stop eating and get distracted in my room all day Because my Ed is controlling my life the first week of summer. I should've prepared better for this. Alternate note, learn to be okay with my body food and public perception.
That's not really an option. I'm sure no one follows me here, so this will just be the outpourings of a strange girl in summer, 2024. I have one month to myself (one month to make it all right- to bring it to the start where we need to be). I should try starting to read philosophy without an ink of an idea. Maybe that's where true intellectualism comes from, than the pseudo. I wonder how the summer's going to go. Tomorrow doesn't look so bright. But it's okay. Or something I keep thinking what the significance of an ed in my life means Maybe control or something probably
I'm rewatching Mr Robot. It feels so beautiful and real. I just realized it was released 2015, and a decade later its' truth is similarly pervasive. Too much so. I'm sure I'm Tyrell Wellick. Something strikes a familiar chord of taste in myself watching him, and seeing him but it can be indicative of nothing more than a long-strung web between capitalism and perfection and status. The last, which in this society, ultimately means acceptance. It ties back to community. It holds hands with the age-old truth, that humans need connection and love to exist.
Watching a system who throws up into the sky and sticks a translation of the modern world's technologies, warping into real-life dances of desperation and conviction. It's supposed to inspire, tell me. Oh my gosh these people are keeping me on call and I can't continue thinking here. Something horrible about choosing to be in thought than experience reality- something about looking at everything instead of getting more. I'm blatantly unperfect. I don't know why exactly everything in life feels peeled off. Laptop dying. This call is getting annoying. Why can't everyone leave me alone to think and recorrect? Why can't everyone just let me focus on being my own perfect. Why can't everyone
So that's it. The sad life I attracted here now in Miami. My shoulder hurts annoying. I don't want Xiomara to text me, I did, I thought I did, but now it's just one of those moments I'd just want everyone to avert their eyes from. Look away from Katheryne's crazy breaks. Look away from the famed eating disorder who keeps grabbing your wide hips into safety. Something like that I wonder if one day I'll get over this, or it will come back over and over every time I slip. I think I'll always remember myself insisting that how I look matters more than having fun or talking to friends or people who love you or spending time with them or anything. This call is hitting an hour. I just want to continue watching my show oh my gosh I probably should've never picked up. Oh WOW MY PHONE Just died this is great. That was freeing. I should call back, but I won't. This'll be another ugly photo for the books of my personality and behavior. I'm forgoing my summer goals. But does any of it matter if I don't like how I look. I looked at myself for the first time in my old Snaps, I really was small. I didn't even ever realize. All the time, it looked ten times more normal than my transformation into the other. I sobbed in front of the mirror in underwear and hyperventilated over my cards. Things are going down. It's okay. Give it a week and it'll be okay. One thing about me, I will lose weight. I will go into deficit I'll stop eating I'll stop paying attention I'll stop talking I'll stop being go lucky, Ill
I've gone crazy, I know this I admit it here, though if you asked me and I like you- if I trust you, I'll tell you the truth. But while it happens, I don't want anyone near looking. Let's keep things quiet, let's keep them away and we'll come back. I'm falling into an obsession of who I have to be before my internship. The tight hand of fear, from not being the correct fit, to falling out and losing money, holding hands with consequences of programs, all boiling down to stability. I think the correct answer is go with the flow. The flow constricts me. The bend can be wide arms across and I'll still get choked up in some neck of it. My writing is so subpar I need to see. A therapist. For how inane the words that string together are. Sometimes most of all, in an attempt to throw creativity, I hit grammar with the backend of my wheel, of this stalling vehicle. It's all drawing lines to my limbs and sticking into me at weird angles. I'm on my period, but I wouldn't blame this. It's been on its way. Actually, I should thank it for getting here for marking me focus on what matters. Do you know how boring restricting life because of your body, makes the real world boring for you and everyone around you? Highly boring. I give into it because, I don't really want to live life any other way. I want things lined up and I want their scent to elicit success. I have an awful feeling I'd drown, any other way. My writing is boring and it drones, tripping over its continuous ideas and frames of pessimism and fear. I was snappy with my parents, who are good to me. I'm a flat out mess. 9 30 PM
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bardictwink · 2 months
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just fr venting about my weird ass living situation
god so i've been in like... i don't wanna say it's an abusive living situation but i've essentially had the roommate from hell for two years. met her through work and we're friends. decide to take on the lease w/ her because there was one more empty room. i think i might have ignored signs because she had issues with other roommates before but i also had issues with the one (in hindsight i think the other girl might have been fed up because she was definitely being treated the same way by someone who was like, 7 years older than her lol).
this is all like spring summer 2022. things are going okay. we find another roommate who is pretty chill.
so, at this point we're sending the rent money to my one roommate and the company that owns our building takes it out of her account. she asks us every month to give her rent. she just completely stops paying the rent all together and i keep getting emails and court dates because theres like 4000 dollars owed in backdue rent that was never paid
all while she gets increasingly more hostile in behaviour, blaming everything on me. not cleaning up after herself and saying it's me. etc etc
she also steals my clothing and goes into my room w.o asking me to take said things. i would buy groceries and she wouldnt buy anything and just eat my stuff. ask me to get things like coffee and milk and make her and her longterm situationship (lol) coffee.
somehow manages to pay it all off. tells everyone in our personal life it was in fact, my fault she didn't pay her rent at all (while taking my money) (she said it was because i never bought groceries and never paid my rent). wasn't aware she was saying this so idk if it's just no one thought that was important info. since i didnt know this and we had signed on for another year i was like... maybe i can forgive this whatever, we're friends.
since we're the only ones on the lease and the other roommate isnt, we now have rent split in two and half comes from mine and hers. she is supposed to send me the remainder i'm owed from my other roommate. never sends it so i pay half the rent and am stuck in a cycle of poverty. continues to not buy groceries etc. continues to not clean except wjen she feels like it. leave huge messes, but gets mad if u like. forgot to put a sock away (sends photos on messenger with a ? mark)
still doesnt pay her rent at all so we owe 2500 again.
she has a full time job and makes more than me but she has a shopping addiction or something lol. i remember telling some friends and they thought drugs or something but like. it is fr clothing. the actual cost of the current place isnt that much with 3 people splitting rent + utilities.
anyway now we both found new places and we're both moving out in july. i was having trouble finding a place and she would ask lik "ooohhh what are u going to do? *pleading eye emoji* and then i said i was planning to move in with a certain friend and she went to tell that person that i'm an awful roommate and dont clean up after myself but thankfully my friend knows she's INSANE and has to be blameless. and idk. it just felt like such a weird thing to do when you know someone is trying to find a place to live. it's not like im moving out abruptly. she found a studio????
there was just soo much weird behaviour i felt like i was going crazy. any time i got sick or had a cold she would get super weird and defensive and tell me i'm a hypochondriac. and i mean like, over me getting a cold or the flu. i've called off work maybe once or twice in a year and she would get super weird about it and blame me for getting sick. this woman lies in bed most of the time she isn't working but if i decided to sleep a cold off... it's like the end of the world. but i thnk it's bc she was leeching off A UNIVERSITY STUDENT WHO WORKS PART TIME AND BARELY MAKES MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE so obviously if i miss a shift it's a big deal (i was working like 25 hrs a week which is wayyyy too much for a student and since i had student loans i could afford to work less but whatever. my expenses have been needlessly higher bc ive had to deal with this)
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