#im so heartbroken to think just a few hours ago i was realizing how much i love summer bc it put me in such a good mood

[paranoidpdsuggestion]

Hi, anon with the friend, here. First of all thank you so much for responding <3 I read through the page you shared, it was super helpful & I will come back to it again and again for sure. I think I did OK last night, my friend is currently safe and seems to be feeling calmer rn. I do have a few follow-up questions if you feel ok answering, I will go into specifics this time, so if you or any of your followers want to stop reading, this would be a good place to do that- I just truly wanted to say thanks.

Anyway, to answer your question: he does trust me & feel comfortable confiding in me, . Last night he was in a state of crisis and he called me for help. He believed he needed to get out of his place for his own safety, so he packed up his most important stuff and asked me to go get him. I went, and like 3 minutes in I realized he was having a delusion. So I parked somewhere safe and just sat with him in my car for like an hour and listened. I did the best I could, didn't try to argue or convince him he was wrong, just did my best to make sure he both WAS safe, and FELT safe. He did calm down a lot, but was still convinced he'd be in danger if he went home, so I helped him check into a hotel for the night. I did convince him not to drop his job, and to wait a few days before making any big decisions, which im super grateful for, but that was it. He was really not in a good place. This morning he texted me & said he felt safe enough to return to his place for now. All good so far.

BUT, here's the thing. This was a really big crisis, I've never seen him this bad. And I don't know how I should talk to him about this, or when. Or shit, idk if I even should try to address it at all. He sometimes believes his roommate is dangerous to him, and so is his family. These are not great people so, fair enough, he's 100% right to be guarded around them, even if sometimes his reasons aren't quite real. Overall though, he was doing so, so well. He was dating this girl and was happy with her, he was self-aware about his delusions and trying hard to keep himself grounded, he was doing great. New job, new apartment. He'd been sober for 2 hard-fought years before this. Then two days ago his piece of shit roommate gave him the stuff he used to be addicted to, and that's what sent him into a spiral. He started feeling threatened by everyone around him, which is why he needed to leave. But he also started to VERY strongly mistrust his girlfriend, he was pretty heartbroken about it but he was CONVINCED she was a part of the thing his delusion was about, and that she was 100% malicious/deceitful towards him from the start. And I just couldn't dispute that at all last night. I don't know if this suspicion will go away or not... The stuff must've worn off by now, but obviously his delusion won't just stop like it never happened. So how can I help him work through it & hopefully get himself back to where he was? I also don't want this to damage his relationship, I would hate to see him lose her or push her away bc of this. Is there any way at all I can help him trust her again? How do I try to ground him without making him suspect me as well? Im so worried, I just want him to be OK.

It's really good that you're able to be there for a friend, that's very sweet of you. I'm really glad your friend can trust you to this extent!

Basically you can address these things, but ensure he is calm and in a good state as well as willing to discuss these things. I think at some point there definitely needs to be a discussion about this roommate and how he can potentially get away from them? Or just... avoid the roommate at the very least. Because if they triggered your friend AND sent them into a relapse that isn't good at all, i'd be concerned for your friend's safety.

And you can definitely talk to him about why he feels his girlfriend is a part of his delusions, but you may need to wait until he has calmed down enough to talk about it without becoming accusatory towards you. If you're in contact with the girlfriend, it's definitely worth it to get her to try and be understanding and have her talk to him as well, to try and reassure him that she is there for him and not against him.

You can remind him about everything good she has done for him and all the good times they had! Maybe even gather some pictures and screenshots he can send to you for safekeeping so when he's in crisis you can send him these things so he can have something to remind himself that his girlfriend is a good person and not somebody to be afraid of. I know that sort of thing helps me when I start having delusions that are against my partner.

-Mod Clemont

[friendlifyre]

'weekends and hanging out always turns to shit' yeah it does doesnt it

[hotch-stufff]

Surprise, Surprise

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x F!reader

Warnings!: there are no warnings, im not telling you a single thing. It's a surprise. Just read and find out ;)

Also, as much as I love him, Jack does not exist in this story, wasn't really sure how to write him in.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry that I haven't written in a while, I have had no inspiration and my bf dumped me so... ya'know that was nice. Anyways, finally getting some inspo, hopefully I will be writing more. Hope you guys enjoy this one :) Also, the mood board is mine, but the images are all from pintrest.

Word count: 1.4 k words

This is an emotional roller coaster

------------

You couldn't breathe.

You couldn't move, or speak.

Your knees gave out as you fell to the floor, sobs racking your body.

You felt arms wrap around you, but it didn't help. You were suffocating. He was your air, and he had just been ripped from your lungs. 

He was gone, dead.

Your husband.

The love of your life.

Aaron Hotchner was dead

* * *

You don't remember anything after the doctor uttered those words. You don't remember Rossi picking you up and holding you. You don't remember the sad glances, the tears shed by your teammates. You don't remember the car ride to your now empty shared apartment. You don't remember lying down and sobbing into the pillow for hours.

No, you only remember the pain. The unbearable pain of loss.

He was gone. Really gone.

You cried and cried for hours on end. Until you had no tears left to shed. 

Then you just lied there, staring at the wall, gripping his favorite shirt in your arms, remembering every little moment with him.

And it hurt like hell just thinking of everything you did with him. The day you met. Your first kiss, your first date. The day he proposed. Your wedding. Every little thing. 

And you wouldn't be able to do anything else. You wouldn't have kids with him. You guys had just talked about having a baby just the other day. He wanted one so bad. 

You shouldn't have waited.

Because now, now he was gone.

* * *

The next few days were a blur. You found yourself with home-cooked meals overflowing your fridge. A team member at your house every night. But it was all a blur.

All meaningless without Aaron.

The funeral was coming up. You didn't make any arrangements, you asked Rossi if he could handle it and he quickly agreed. 

He had taken care of finding the casket, picking a place, and finding a burial site. Everything. 

The only thing you had asked for was a closed casket.

You couldn't handle looking at him.

* * *

On the day of the funeral, the girls all came over to help you get ready. 

"Alright y/n, do you have a dress?" Penny asked as she walked out of kitchen.

"In the closet." You croaked. Your voice being hoarse from the crying and lack of speaking for the past two weeks.

"Okay I'll grab that, and shoes. Jj is going to make you breakfast and Em is going to do your hair okay?" You gave her a sad smile and a small okay.

Penny quickly walked back your hallway as Em began pulling your hair back in a low ponytail. You felt the tears begin slipping down your face once again.

Jj saw as she walked back in the room with a bagel and coffee.

"Oh sweetheart." And the dam broke. They comforted you the best they could. But they couldn't even imagine what you were going through, because he was gone.

* * *

The funeral was a blur. It seemed like everything was these days. 

It was a beautiful service. You don't remember much. Lots of hugs and 'sorry for your loss's.

It had gone quickly, and soon you found yourself in Rossi's living room. Everyone but the team had left, you sat alone. The rest were in the kitchen cleaning up.

You didn't move from your spot, sipping your wine.

Everyone walked in, and found spots around you.

It was silent. Not a single word was spoken.

"I'm taking a leave of absence." You spoke.

6 pairs of eyes shot to you, but they couldn't say they were surprised.

"It's just too much. I'm not ready to come back." Your voice was quiet. Rossi was the first to say anything.

"Take all the time you need." 

* * *

And you did. You spent about 3 months in that apartment, alone and sad and heartbroken. 

But you realized that Aaron would never want you to live like this. And you really needed to be able to pay the bills.

So after those 3 months, you gave Rossi a call. He had become until chief since you had left, and he instantly accepted you back to the team.

You were slowly getting better. 

Each passing case a distraction. 

Each one fixing you just a bit more. 

Each one giving your life a purpose, a meaning again.

And you felt better. You stopped crying yourself to sleep. You stopped sitting in silence for hours on end. You stopped crying every time you thought about him.

But you still visited him every week. You still thought about him everyday. You still wore your wedding rings, refusing to take them off.

But you were better. 

* * *

A few more months went by and you started going out with the team again. You spent more time with them. Almost every weekend. And you were somewhat okay.

And it wasn't until about 8 months after his death did your world come to another crashing halt.

You had been called in to the BAU, not entirely sure why, but you came in none the less. 

You figured it was a case, but Jj hadn't specified on the phone, which was strange.

You had walked up to the conference room, and were surprised to see the whole team sitting there ready to go. 

"Hey guys, do we have a case?" You asked, but Jj sent you a sad look causing you to grow worried.

"Y/n, you should sit down for this." You had no idea what was going on. What on earth was happening. "Peter Raymond recently resurfaced, and was taken into custody this morning about an hour ago. He resisted arrest and pulled a gun on an officer. He was shot and killed." Your heart hammered in your chest. He was gone. The bastard who killed your husband was gone. Rossi stood walking towards Jj.

A pit grew in your stomach, there was more, something you didn't know.

"8 months ago I made a decision that greatly affected this team. Aaron Hotchner received substantial injuries from the wounds he endured, but his surgery was a success and he was airlifted to an unknown location. His identity was changed in order to keep him safe. But he is alive." 

You couldn't believe your ears. He was alive. Alive? 

Your eyes shot to the door and there he stood. 

Aaron Hotchner. 

You couldn't breathe. 

You couldn't move or speak. 

He was alive, you should be ecstatic.

But you only felt anger.

Your eyes shot to Rossi.

"How dare you." You whispered out, surprising the team. You weren't an angry person, you never yelled at your teammates. But you, you were seething. "How could you do that. You knew he was alive and yet you let me suffer. You watched as I cried day and night. You watched as I let myself go, as I lost myself." You shook your head in anger.

Aaron stepped forward reaching out for you, but you shook your head.

"Dont touch me. Don't fucking touch me." You felt the tears fall down your face. Again. "You left me. You're dead. You're gone. Y-you left." You were shaking and crying and once again Aaron reached out for you, but this time you let him.

He brought you into a crushing hug, holding you like you had begged to be held for months. 

He was here, really here. You could smell and feel and see him. He was really here.

"Y-you bastard. You left me." You whispered desperately as you cried into his shirt. 

The team was quick to disperse. They too were mad at Rossi, and they wanted to reunite with Hotch. But they left you be, at least for now.

Aaron pulled back slightly, looking down at you.

"Sweetheart I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't have to. But he would have killed you and then he would have killed me." He had tears running down his face as well now. But you were so angry at him.

You pushed him away.

"I could have gone with you Aaron. You could have gone into witsec. You didn't need to fake your fucking death Aaron!" You yelled at him. you couldn't even believe you were eating this conversation.

"Y/n please, I'm so sorry." You were mad yeah, but you were so overwhelmingly relieved that it overpowered your anger. "I missed you sweetheart." He whispered out and you broke just a little bit more.

"You bastard. Y-you stupid man." You pulled him back to you and slammed your lips together. "You stupid, stupid man." You gasped out between kisses. 

"I know, I'm so sorry. I love you." He stated after you pulled away.

"I-I love you too." You were sobbing at this point.. "Don't ever do that to me again." He nodded, leaning in to kiss you again.

And you kissed your husband.

Because he wasn't gone. 

He was right here.

And god did it feel amazing to have him back

------------

Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! Currently I'm only taking requests from my prompt list, which is right here! School is starting up soon though, so i may not be writing very often, but i will definitely try! Anyways, if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[miss-steelmind]

possibly controversial question time, favourite witch's heart and yttd ship? what was the reason you were originally drawn to it(if you can remember)? and why do you like it?

i'm just curious ig

oh boi i'm indecisive as hell (plus i'm incapable of answering anything without going on about it for hours) so get ready for a looong answer!

ㅤ

my top 3 ships from WH are currently noelclaire, wilsiri and wilashe!

noelclaire is. pretty self-explanatory? i usually don't like when the writers push a ship, and at first (think like, first 2 scenarios) i didn't think i'd like them at all. but god. these two. the more i saw of them the more i fell in love with the pairing. childhood friends? check. pining? check. would quite literally die for each other? check. the "you're the only one i remember" trope? check. they mean so much to each other your honor (THAT BEING SAID it'd be nice to see noel improve himself and not base his entire selfworth on this one girl he was friends with 10 years ago. but i still love them!!)

wilsiri is just a really casual ship yk? their dynamic is great, their personalities work well together, they have the potential to be a really healthy relationship and i enjoy that a lot. i didn't think too much of them at first but during siri's conclusion i realized how similar they are (both being very reserved but caring people, both growing up with an adoptive grandparent figure, and both deciding that yes, despite our wishes, we want to protect claire) and slowly grew very fond of that pairing. i just want them to chill together tbh:)

finally, i know wilashe is a reaaally popular pairing and i totally get why some people are annoyed with it lol. but i think it's great! i'm not super into enemies (?) to lovers, but. it's about the parallels. and the piano scene. love the piano scene. i'd love to see them travel the world together or something i don't know

ㅤ

ㅤ

okay so yttd. to make my stance on it a bit more clear, i'm not actually into shipping in the canon game. i don't want any pairings to be canon, it seems way too unhealthy. but! i thrive off AUs and post-canon stuff and there are quite a few pairings that i think have an interesting dynamic

the top 3 here is currently naoreko, ransara and alishin (shinalice? i saw people calling it shinalice like last year but i think we switched to the other name since then)

naoreko is 50% projection tbh. shoutout to my partner who'd kin both of the yabusames if they got into the game. but i also just think it's a nice pairing with great, sort-of-opposing aesthetics. their mutual care for each other is something that pushed me towards this ship a lot, as well as the fanon content and the official sketches. aaand i'm a sucker for art lesbian pairings. i think they're neat!

ransara is a hard one... i definitely understand why many people started disliking/simply not loving it anymore after 3B. which is valid! i was kind of heartbroken after logic route too ngl, i got into that ship a few months before the new part came out and literally spent my days waiting for the translation to drop reading fics of them. oops. regardless i still like it, though moreso in AUs/rewrites. i don't think ranmaru's character was handled very well in 3B which i'm very sad about because there was SO MUCH potential!! so i'm clinging onto what it could've been

finally. alishin. i'm not even gonna lie this was literally just projection because my highest yttd kin is shin and my partner is extremely similar to alice:') but also my mutuals helped me get into this one. i just like funny-but-tragic men with shared trauma ig. they should've interacted more

ㅤ

OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR THIS ESSAY thank you for the question i had a lot of fun answering it<3

[dapandapod]

You bring me colours

Hello and welcome to mean and angsty hours. Today I bring to you a soulmate fic, but it is sad and hurtful.

Thank you my lovely enablers for helping me bringing this to life, despite my very weak protests. Be mindful, my loves, if you are having a bad day you might want to skip this one. It ends happily, do not worry, but the way there is ouchie.

Warnings; Implied character death (real and not real), vauge description of drinking and depression, just, sad in general. A little bit soft too, and hopeful, but mostly sad. Im sorry.

On Ao3 here

Everybody has a soulmate. When your One comes into the world, they bring colors with them. And when they go, so do the colors. Many a poet sings of a world gone gray, of a love unknowingly lost. Because you don’t always meet your one. For some, it is enough to know they are out there. For some, the hunt lasts their entire lifetime. Some lucky few find each other, and some never do, settling in peace anyway.

---

For Vesemir, he had color for almost a century. But a witchers life is rough, and he knows not to seek them out. Not to give hope, not to feel greed. Just gift them with colors as long as he is able. He has an inkling who is His. His One. They must know too, but they never say.

Vesemir sits at the teachers table. It is lively in the hall, the children are laughing and making a mess as children do. They are his pride and his burden. Not all will be allowed to grow up, but he will do his best to give them a fighting chance. He raises his spoon towards his mouth, the soup smelling warm and rich.

The spoon falls with a clatter to the table.

Everything is black and white.

He is in front of everybody. In charge of so many lives. He was gifted with color for such a long time, this was to be expected. But if his One is who he thinks it is, then….

The screaming begins outside. The sacking of Kaer Morhen has begun.

---

Jaskier has always seen color. Always seen the color of the sky, the flowers and the nuances of snow.

When Jaskier is six years old, that changes.

He runs to his mothers, tears streaking down his face. Her dress used to be a bright green, her eyes a rich blue.

“Where did the colours go?” He cries. He knows he is too big to cry, but he is scared and sad.

Mother seems to be sad too. Heartbroken in fact, and she picks him up and holds him close.

After that day, the only color Jaskier can see is yellow. The color of the sun, of buttercups, some cat’s eyes. Of puss, of stains and of age.

--

There are many ways to die. The old Geralt dies when his knife plunges into Renfri's neck.

Geralt's colors came some years ago. When it happened he didn’t panic. He followed Vesemir's advice and pushed it as far back as he possibly could. It was only a small disappointment that the world didn’t turn grey when Renfri died. Because that is what Geralt felt like.

The colours stay, and he despises them. They glare at him, blaming him for still being there. How can he think he ever deserves happiness?

-----

In Posada, Jaskier finds someone with yellow eyes. They call to him like no other, so he goes. It is the best decision he has ever made, if the most difficult one. But with Geralt around, it is almost as if his memories of colours are springing to life. Sometimes he remembers that poppies are red, that water can be rich blue, and that autumn leaves can look like a fire. The fire he remembers from his past, but around Geralt they are so vivid they almost look real.

His mother told him not to tell. To hold those memories close. She taught him the colors through names and pictures, so that if someone asked, he would know.

Jaskier knows that his lost colours means that his One is dead. Some kind of dead, at least, if the professors are to be believed. If you get to keep a colour, even if it’s just the one, there is a chance. So Jaskier leaps at every chance he gets. He is one of those who chase, and will continue to chase.

----

Geralt is reluctant to Jaskier. Reluctant, because when he is around he is starting to feel alive again. Jaskier pokes and prods and smiles and sings and talks, and it is all Geralt can do to fight it.

---

A hot summer day Geralt finally gives in and they're just being goofy and like wrestling in a river. All the sudden Jaskier can see the color of the grass and he freaks out and scrambles out of the river and just lays down in front of a tuft of grass like 'holy shit geralt look at that.”

The bard is absolutely mesmerized for a moment, but when Geralt comes to look at what caught his attention, before he catches himself. Shit. Geralt can’t know.

So he plays it off, especially when the tuft of grass slowly fades back to grey. There is a lump in his throat, hope so big in his chest he wants to explode. They are out there, his One. They are still here.

---

There are many changes during their travels. Yennefer, for one. It is with her arrival that Jaskier realizes he is in love with Geralt. Deeply, desperately in love with him.

Another change happens on a cold and lonely mountain top. Geralt finally breaks, breaks everything, and Jaskier feels a spark inside himself diminish.

The further away from the mountain he gets, the more muted the world becomes. Even his memories stay out of his reach, as in fear of the pain he feels.

----

The moment Jaskier leaves the mountain, his world goes gray. Things click into place. He closes his eyes against the pain, letting it tear through him, cut him open.

Jaskier was his One.

And he killed him.

---

Geralt doesn’t know why the sky is still blue. He doesn’t understand how Ciris cloak is not grey, her eyes as startling blue as the love he once lost.

He thought he lost Yennefer on Sodden hill, but when he meets her, she is wearing a dress the color of Jaskiers eyes.

He breaks down at her feet, finally crumbling after all this time. He tells her everything, and she wipes his tears with infinite patience. How he deserves that from her, he doesn’t know.

“Why blue?” she asks him. “What relationship do you have with blue?”

And Geralt thinks about it. It is Ciri who finally puts the pieces together. Blue as Jaskiers eyes, he had said. And if you get to keep a colour, even if it’s just the one, there is a chance, or so a bard had told her in her grandmother's ballroom.

---

There are many ways to die. Jaskier is drowning. Drowning in pain and alcohol, sinking to a bottom, looking up at a golden sun. Not even the bright yellow can cheer him up, not when it reminds him so much of Geralt's eyes.

He doesn’t chase anymore. He accepts. Accepts that he will be alone, that nobody wants to be with someone destined for no one.

---

Geralt finds him in a tavern. Geralt walks in, so Jaskier must out. The one thing Geralt asks of him, after all these years. The least he can do is listen.

But Geralt follows him outside. Grabs his arms. Cups his cheeks. Asks for forgiveness. It takes time for Jaskier to register his words, he is deep down, he is drowning. But the sun seems closer now, becking him upwards.

He doesn’t understand why Geralt is here, but his broken heart is held together with Geralt's arms around him.

---

Geralt is scared to tell the bard. After all the pain he caused, how can he possibly make things right.

Geralt does everything he can to get the colours back, but they won’t come. Now that he has had a taste, now that he knows that it was his words, not his hands, that took them, he fights. He won’t make Jaskier follow him anymore. He tries something new.

They walk beside each other, a careful pace forward is set. It takes time, but his colours return. Jaskiers smiles are brighter, his eyes cornflower blue.

Then Jaskier confesses to him, he sees no colours but gold. How he carried it inside all this time, hoping that his One is out there, and Geralt can’t wait any longer.

“I want to give them to you. The colours that you bring to me, I want to give back to you.”

And he tries. Everyday he tries. And Jaskier holds his hand all the while.

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [bonus]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter–nudity boobies! w.c; 2.2k a/n; why did a week go by so stinkin’ fast? i’m not ready to let go of this couple! that being said, i wouldnt mind posting some drabble babbles about these two or four. im utterly thankful for the love and passion my readers had for this, i had so many kind readers that kept me afloat through all of. i can’t wait to see you in the next one, and i hope you enjoy this little glimpse💕

[final] [bonus] -> masterpost

“You’re not Jimin.” 

Jungkook’s eyes snap open, and he takes note of the change in air. Chalk it up to the open window or the fact that the rain’s evaporated, but he can’t help the pinch of pain in his heart as he realizes that you’re far, far gone from this world. 

And in your place, is you. Not quite you, but it’s almost scary how easy it is to regard your visage and simple conversation. 

“Jimin,” he repeats, as if he heard you wrong. “As in, Park Jimin? Tiny guy with a big ego?” 

“Yes,” you reply blandly, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Your eyes are sparkless, flickering between your state of nakedness and his state of nakedness. “I know I wasn’t exactly sober last night, but I distinctly remember telling him he’d be in my bed tonight,” and you regard Jungkook with a sort of pointed look, unable to decipher your situation, “but here you are. Still cupping by boob.” 

Out of reflex, he squeezes his palm. Yep, that’s yours. 

A little part of him also wants to yell to the heavens because you failed to tell him you were hooking up with Park Jimin before all of this. 

Okay technically you didn’t, but the person in front of him did. 

His heart is fresh and stinging like a hot cut on the asphalt. He watches you take in your surroundings, humming when you notice the new clothes on the rack and the way your desk has been rearranged. Jungkook is trying very hard to be patient, after all you’re a stranger and suddenly he feels like he’s the one that’s known you all his life. Oh, how the tables have turned. 

You stretch, testing out your limbs as they pop and crackle at your command. You run a hand through your strawberry-smelling hair, and Jungkook has to grip the sheets to not go by instinct and take you right then and there on this mattress. With a shameless groan of satisfaction, you flop against your bed. Jungkook tries, emphasis on try, to not watch as your breasts bounce and the way your hair flows around your pillow like the angel you are, but he’s rendered smitten. 

“Uh,” boobies boobies boobies. 

You pointedly ignore his piss-poor attempt at coherent conversation, staring up at the ceiling.  “Ho—ly shit,” you curse freely, heaving an exhausted sigh, “I feel so sore.” 

“S-sore?” Great, he found his voice. 

“Yeah, like I’ve been in a coma or something,” but you think nothing of it, summing it up as a crazy dream from alcohol poisoning. You sit up straight, reaching for your phone. It’s not on your desk, but instead you find something far more interesting. 

You reach for your Midnight Blue Citrus candle, frowning at the contents. The wax is nearly burnt to the end, the tips of the wicks charcoal black and frayed. Waving your used candle in Jungkook’s face you blame, “What the fuck, did you use all of this last night? I just bought this like, literally yesterday!” 

His face falls, “What? You’ve had that candle for forever—”

“And why the heck it is so hot in the middle of February?” 

Oh. 

Something dark and sad creeps up Jungkook’s stomach, and he hates to be the one to tell you. February was when it all started, and his life changed with the presence of you. Jungkook tells himself repeatedly that the woman in this room is simultaneously the person he’s loved since winter and the stranger he feels that he’s meant to love with time. Considering everything’s happening all at once understanding it is still hard, but he’ll try for you. 

It breaks his heart to see how you look lost and confused, like a child woken up from a debilitating nightmare. Your lips are bitten red and purple, trying your hardest not to show fear in front of him, a stranger. You’re frustrated as you try your hardest to shut the windows to block the incoming humidity from last night’s rain. 

He says your name, sweet and soft. “It’s almost summer,” he says, his voice calm and collected. 

“So are you telling me, that wasn’t a dream?” 

The two of you stare at each other, unmoving. He tries not to squirm under your gaze, you watch him intently, scraping at the edge of your brain for any ideas. You’re hugging yourself, arms wrapping against your breasts as if you’re trying to hold your body together in a way that alludes to any brokenness you felt over these past two months. 

Neither of you break the silence, and there’s a bang and a crash. Jungkook flinches at the tell-tale signs of the unwanted intruder, the fling of keys across your wooden table and a shrill call of your name. 

“Who’s that?” 

“Probably Hoseok,” Jungkook answers reluctantly, his thumb rubbing between his brows. 

He ignores the extra cool air against his naked bits when he throws the blankets off his lap. Ignores the way you pointedly, shamelessly check him out as he throws on his sweats and a t-shirt. To his dismay he can’t ignore the burn in his cheeks when he knows how you’re scrutinizing him like a one-night stand, trying to recollect any type of concrete thought that would seem plausible enough to explain why you woke up in bed with him. 

Throwing open your bedroom door and leaving you there, he cards a hand through his rogue bedhead to face a frantic Hoseok. 

“It’s so early,” Hoseok warbles to himself, impressed that he’s managed to cop fresh donuts and coffee at nearly 7AM. 

Jungkook sees nothing but an orange blob and Hoseok’s head, bleary and vibrating. Rubbing his eyes he says, “You just realized how early it is? Couldn’t you have stopped by a little later?” 

“No, I couldn’t!” Hoseok’s now invading Jungkook’s personal space, as if you weren’t the bridge between their threads of a relationship, as if he and Hoseok could be friends. “I woke up a few hours ago and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I felt it, Jungkook. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. The air shifted and I felt like I was between two parallel universes—I swear on my bad knee that I’m not going through a drug trip—and I felt the world turning and changing and it was so fuckin’ weird I had to come here as soon as Dunkin’ opened. Didn’t you feel it too?” 

“Yeah,” Jungkook exhales, not bothering to hide the disappointment. He smiles sadly, “it’s definitely not her.” 

Hoseok’s expression and excitement over the world’s converging falters, and he pulls Jungkook into a hug. They’re not particularly close and Hoseok’s smaller in size compared to Jungkook, but for those five seconds he feels comforted as he hugs him back. 

“Why don’t you go home and chill out, I don’t mind explaining things to her,” Hoseok offers, “and I’ll call you later and let you know how it went.” 

“Okay,” Jungkook replies, voice slow, “that sounds like a good idea, actually.” 

The situation is royally messed up, and he hates that he can’t blame it on anyone. Jungkook is a practical man, and he knows that he has no use when Hoseok is here with donuts and coffee. More importantly, there is no use torturing himself by letting his heart break in the presence of  you. 

“What is this, a party?” Taehyung’s bare feet smack against the hardwood, and he plops himself in the chair next to Hoseok, “did you get me coffee this time?” 

The two of them bicker good-naturedly, with Hoseok explaining a little kindness goes a long way and Taehyung muttering that kindness doesn’t happen without caffeine. Jungkook excuses himself, feeling very much out of place as he moves to your bedroom to pack his things. 

“You’re leaving?” you’re standing in the middle of your bedroom, now dressed in a long t-shirt and your hair tied clean and away from your face. You look pretty. 

“Yeah,” he says shortly, stuffing his jeans in his bag and making sure all traces of him are gone from your bedroom. “Need to sort things out,” he excuses, and while you may not buy it, he really does. He feels heartbroken, angry at the world. Maybe he could visit Yoongi today and get a demo in, put all this pent-up emotion to good use. “But Hoseok brought you breakfast, he’s a good friend, he’ll explain everything.” 

“But I don’t know Hoseok,” you mumble, picking at the hem of your band shirt. You’re pouting, stubborn. 

“But you don’t know me either,” Jungkook retorts, not unkindly, but not exactly gentle. “I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you.” 

There’s a hard rip at his zipper, putting in a little too much force as he seals away all his things into a compact backpack. Heck, he even went as far as to take back the hoodie he lent you last month, making sure the fabric is crisp and folded so he can stow it away from your curious eyes. He shoves on his denim jacket from last night, still lingering with the scents of sand and saltwater. It makes him sombre, and the selfish part of him wishes to bottle up that scent and tuck it away forever. 

“You’re wrong,” you blurt when he moves toward the door. His hand lingers over the knob, “I do know you.” 

He narrows his dark eyes, taking in your honest expression, “At Jimin’s job, maybe? I did a couple interviews in the beginning of February. Maybe we passed each other while you had lunch with him.” 

“No. You sang to me, talked to me, as much as you could up until this moment.” 

He remembers the stories you fed to him last night under the stars, shameless and full of love as you explained to him of his other self. The life where he’s a renowned singer, a Golden Boy, one of the most revered in his industry. A life he could only dream of, yet somewhere out there he’s living it in another body making that dream come true. 

Thoughts are running through his head, memories that aren’t his own. He could only imagine what you must’ve gone through, recovering in a hospital bed for two months, unable to move but actively aware of the pain and anguish. How confused you must’ve been, aching to figure out what the hell is going on, acutely aware of the voices constantly chattering about your well-being. 

One of those voices being Jeon Jungkook, who was probably taking care of you night and day. 

His head is starting to throb, and he feels like he’s five seconds away from spiraling. 

“I’d… I’d feel more comfortable around you, Jungkook,” you confess, reaching for his hand, “but if you need to, you can go,” you bite your lip, folding in on yourself once more, “if it hurts too much to be around me right now.” 

He gladly takes your hand, rubbing his thumb between your palm. The familiar sparks he feels when he holds it return, but tamps it down for the sake of your vulnerability. It’s not your fault you’re in this situation. “No… I’m just gonna go home for a bit, clear my schedule,” he gives you a little smile, and he inflates a bit when you give him one of your own. “I’ll come back for you after breakfast.”

“You promise?” 

“Promise.” 

You pull him into an unexpected hug, suddenly fearing he may never come back. 

“I always wondered what the man looked like behind the voice,” and you’re suddenly melting, feeling a sense of familiarity as you let your heart run faster than your brain when you let him hold you in his arms. He smells just like him, too. 

His embrace is tight, and his arms fit in all the little curves and spots that make you feel warm and safe. “And am I living up to your expectations?” it’s a half-joke, after all the both of you are  going simply by feeling and there’s no way in hell would he even attempt to compare himself to well, himself. 

You pull away to look at him, really look at him. Honest, clear eyes. Jungkook thinks he sees the world in your gaze. “Only if you eat a donut before you go,” you reply with a shy smile. 

At your defiant mention of food he can’t help but grin like a maniac, letting you tug him back out to sit at the counter with him and have breakfast. Like he said before, he can’t wait to fall in love all over again. 

[marauder-exe]

Roommates- Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: sebastian stan & reader are shooting a movie together in atlanta &his place gets flooded so they become roommates. at first he only sees her like a little sister since shes much younger than him (22) but then started seeing her differently while living together but doesnt realize it so he does nothing. then during the press tour and premiere for the movie fans noticed how he would look at her all the time &it got them trending in social media forcing him to finally admit his feelings to her 🙈

Word Count: 1.6k

Your eyes shot open as you heard the incessant loud knocking on your apartment door. You sleepily got up from your bed and headed towards the door. You groggily it wondering who the hell was knocking at 3 in the damn morning! To your surprise, it was Sebastian Stan. You and Sebastian had become fast friends a few months ago. You had been hired as the cool best friend in a new movie that was being made in Atlanta. Sebastian was the lead, so you would be spending a lot of time together, which you didn't mind. And soon you were close, closer to him than anyone else, and it was amazing. But why was he at your door at 3am? You were hoping it was some sappy declaration of love at 3am like you see in the movies, but you knew it wasn't, he only saw you as a sister. “Seb? What are you doing here? Come in come in” You rushed him in, turning on the lights. He had a lot of stuff in boxes with him. “Is everything alright?” He was cold and shivering. You sat him down on the sofa then you got up and went to the kitchen area, turning on the kettle. “Uh, one of my neighbours did something, not entirely sure what, but he ended up flooding the entire floor of apartments. So my apartment and a lot of my stuff got ruined, and I have nowhere to stay.” He explained. You returned to the sofa with two hot chocolates, Sebastian's favourite. “Of course you can stay here Seb, you can stay in my room” You sipped your hot chocolate and lay a hand on his arm. “I couldn't take your bed, ‘m already staying in your house, ill just take the couch” You gave him a look. “Seb” “(Y/N)” You sighed. “Fine, but I'm gonna get you lots of blankets alright” He nodded as you got up to go to the cupboard in the next room. Sebastian looked around your apartment. It was quaint, cute, full of life. You had many things hanging from the walls. Posters of some movies you've been in, certificates from childhood, even your graduation. You had graduated from a top drama school with a scholarship last year, coincidentally on the same day as your 21st birthday. It was a wild, drunken night. He smiled at the memory. Soon enough you returned with a heap of blankets in your arms. Sebastian immediately rushed over to help you with the big ball of blankets. He dropped them on the couch as you took a deep breath. You tiredly giggled and lay your head on his chest, sighing. “You sure you're alright? You did just lose your entire lively hood in water” You looked up at him. “Yeah ill be fine” He waved it off. “As long as Ive got my best girl ill be fine” He smiled down at you as you smiled back. “Come on, let's get to bed, you've had a long day” You said your goodbyes and went to bed. You stared up at the ceiling. Sebastian was living with you now. Damn. Eventually you drifted off into sleep.

You awoke a few hours later to the smell of fresh pancakes coming from your kitchen. Honestly, Sebastian was something else. You jumped out of bed, wearing shorts and a vest top, slipping on your socks. You walked into the kitchen, the smell getting stronger. You spotted Sebastian with a spatula in his hand near the oven. “Alright love, fancy a pancake?” He smiled nonchalantly. You rushed over to him and placed a huge kiss on his cheek. “Oh my gosh I love you!” You sat down at the table, chomping down on the pancake, as you heard him throw his head back in laughter. “Its the least I could do” You mumbled something inaudible because of the pancake in your mouth and he laughed again. “Slow down, (Y/N)” He said as he slipped into the seat next to you with his own pancakes, you just gave him a smile. “So, any news on your apartment?” You asked, gulping down your pancakes. He nodded his head, taking a bite of his pancake. “They called an hour ago, they said there's a lot of damage and they wont know anything until next week” You nodded along. “Well you're free to stay here as long as you need” He smiled at you. You went to put your dishes away, and for the first time all day Sebastian actually looked at you, and you were beautiful. You were laughing at something random, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. Actual butterflies. He swore that only happened in movies. He had only seen you in a sisterly way up until now, now he was seeing you differently.

“Seba! Come on!” You shouted towards your room. Sebastian came rushing out in his 3 piece suit. “Damnnnn, Sebby got game!” You both laughed. “Do I look okay?” You questioned, giving one last glance in the mirror. “Of course, you look beautiful” He gave you a kiss on the cheek “Now come on! We don't wanna be late for your first press tour!” Sebastian rushed you into the car before you set off. Sebastian had been living with you for the past 6 months, and tonight was the press tour for the new movie you guys were in. Your first press tour, and you where glad it was with Sebastian. You made small talk, talking about how excited you were for your first press tour while Seb stared at you in admiration. He was glad he was with his best friend at her first press tour. The car came to a holt outside the hall. You stared outside at the huge hall, a starstruck look on your face, Sebastian looked over to you, wonder struck, and laughed. He loved seeing that look on your face. The same face you made the first time on set. He opened the car door and jumped out, making his way around the car to open your door for you. He held out his hand and you took it. “Ever the gentleman, Seba” You cooed. “Only for you” he responded, dragging you into the venue. There was paparazzi everywhere, cameras flashing constantly. It was a dream. Sebastian grabbed your hand and you flushed, looking down. He flushed as well. “You ready Sebby?” “Ready (Y/N/N)?” You both nodded and pushed open the doors. You heard a chorus of questioning interviewers, and paparazzi shouting you over. ‘Here (Y/N)’ ‘look over here Sebastian’. You stared up at him with a gigantic smile, finding he was already looking at you, he had an arm wrapped protectively around your waist. “Im so happy” You whispered. “Me too, smile for the camera” A smile reached his eyes and he looked back toward the cameras.

You and Sebastian barged through the doors to your apartment, kicking your shoes off and collapsing on the couch. You both let out a deep sigh, exhausted from the press tour. “That was one hell of a day” You sighed. “Your telling me” He chuckled. “i don't know about you but im ready for the biggest sleep of my life” You nodded in agreement as he took of his tie. He lay on the couch with his arm around you, too tired to move. Thats how you both fell asleep, for the next 12 hours, in each others arms. Until you were rudely woken up at 11am by your phone buzzing, Sebastian stirring and opening his eyes. “’mmm you alright, love?” His sleepy voice was heaven. “Yeah, my phones blowing up though” You said with furrowed brows. “Dude you and Sebastian are trending on twitter!” You read out the message from your best friend. “Guess the press tour photos are released” He chuckled. “Lets see whats trending then” He sat up to look at your phone. You opened up twitter and number one on trending was ‘AviPressTour’ which was no surprise, but on number two trending was ‘SebastiansCrush’. You gave him a confused glance. “What?” He asked, and you let him see your phone as you clicked on the hashtag. Your screen became filled with heartbroken teenage girls, and pictures of Sebastian lovingly staring at you, with a hand around your waist. One was entitled ‘i want someone to look at me the way Sebastian looks at (Y/N), you smiled at it. Sebastian gulped as he looked at the screen. Man he hated twitter. The top news story, ‘Is Sebastian Stans new boo only 22?’ It made you feel intimidated and uncomfortable. You knew Seb wouldn't like you like that because of your age. “Wo- woah, thats- thats crazy-” Sebastian stuttered, face red. No? He couldnt like you like that. Hell Sebastian didn't even knew he liked you like that until 2 minutes ago. Suddenly, every time he looked at you he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't kiss you. “Sebastian?” You questioned tentatively, turning to face him. He gulped. “Yeah?” “You like me, don't you?” You asked quietly, as if it was a secret never to be told. He stared at you, the same way he did last night, still in the same tuxedo and dress, day old makeup on. You looked as beautiful as ever. Without even thinking, he grabbed you and kissed you, its like his body had a mind of its own. You moved against each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces. You broke apart breathing heavily. “Yeah” He breathed. You stared at him quizzically. “What?” “Yes I like you” He spoke quietly, not daring to pierce the thick air with his voice. So you kissed him, as passionate as he kissed you, and smiled. You both lay against the couch, limbs tangled into each other. Bliss.

[enchantcdstories]

The Strength Within Her

Words: 2774

Tags: Pure fluff! Some swearing! 

A/N: Here’s the Brendan/Theo fic! I tried my best to fix their ending but its a little all over the place. 

Find it on A03

V watched as Theo slumped into the plastic chair, her head in her hands after having been just told that her best friend in the whole world was gone. Something ate away at V’s stomach, the gut feeling in the back of her head gnawing at her. Do something. Fix this. V tugged at her hair, taking a few steps away to think. Think, think, think.

She could buy the vending machine, sure, she had the eddies for it. V sighed. She couldn’t fix Brendan. She couldn’t fix that kind of machinery. V stopped, realization hitting her like Jackie’s ARCH bike when she called it and wasn’t paying attention. Viktor. That man could fix anything right?

“Hey...Theo? I’ll uh.. See you around okay? Call me if you need anything?” V said, turning to face the woman. She tried not to make direct eye contact, Theo’s face just looked so sad. The girl nodded, sinking her head back into her hands as V turned away.

Pulling up Viktor’s number onto her interface, V thumbed quietly with the zipper on her jacket- waiting for the ripperdoc himself to pick up.

“V! What’s up? Everything good? The engram treating you okay?” Viktor’s voice sounded concerned and almost preoccupied at the same time. V bit at her lip, looking back in the direction of Theo as she walked to where her car was.

“I’m good, I mean..about as good as I can get with an engram taking over my brain..listen, do you know anything about uh...vending machines?” V asked nervously, this whole idea sounding stupid. The silence on Viktor’s end wasn’t any more reassuring.

“Vending machines?” His voice was full of confusion and apprehension.

“Yeah..there’s.. a S.C.S.M that..got a firmware wipe and...look it’s really tough to explain, but do you think you could help me out?” V sounded more like a child begging for parental help than a young woman at this point. The sound of metal clanging made V wince, tempted to hang up and forget this whole crazy idea. Viktor sighed.

“I mean...I know fuck all about vending machines but a firmware revert shouldn’t be too hard?....Do I dare ask what this is all for?” V sighed herself and mentally checked to see how many eddies she still had left.

“It’s a long story, I can pay ya. Meet me at the maintenance point by Megabuilding H8 in an hour?” V said, covering her eyes as she squinted over to the direction of the shop that held Brendan. Viktor confirmed, muttering about her owning him anyways and hung up. V waited for Johnny to show up, complain about this getting in the way of his plan and it was all a waste of time. V secretly thought that He felt something for that vending machine too.

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“I’m sorry...how much for the fucker?” V said, leaning on the counter of the gonk that ran the maintenance point. “We aren’t even gonna like… take him anywhere special. We’re just gonna move him back to his original spot.” The man on the other side of the counter crossed his arms.

“You heard me. You wanna change him and shit? Lord knows what fucking else? You gotta pay.” V put her head on the counter, stressed and feeling her vision starting to glitch out from the chip that was shoved into her brain. The gonk spoke again as if he felt something for this whole situation.

“Look, if it makes you feel better, I’ll throw the papers in. Legally the hunk of junk will be yours.” V groaned again. Gods that was a lot of eddies. That could pay for the ankle upgrades she’d be saving for. She’d barely have enough left over to throw something Vik’s way. Still, the look on Theo’s face when she was away from Brendan…

“Fine...here..Just, give me the papers.” V said, exasperated as she extended her hand out, transferring the eddies. The man held the papers out, some sort of legal form that was like transferring the ownership of a car. ‘I could have bought a new car with that money’, V thought. She snatched the papers up, folding them and walking over to where a powered down Brendan sat. The man wheeled a dolly over, jamming the edge of it under the S.C.S.M. V could hear Viktor outside the shop, talking on his phone to a client or something. The moment Viktor laid eyes on the machine, V could see the light just fade from them- wondering what V got him into.

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“Okay so back up, hang on- We’re doing this for a girl? Is she in love with the thing? Is that legal?” Viktor said, a screwdriver in his mouth and he worked to pry the back panel of Brendan off. V had explained the whole situation to him, but clearly, Vik was bit out of the loop on the whole ‘super-smart AI vending machines’.

“I mean, all I heard was that he was her best friend...and the look on her face! I couldn’t just do nothing.” V shrugged, leaning against the wall as she watched Viktor work. Johnny had glitched over in the corner and was smoking a cigarette, keeping to himself. Viktor chuckled.

“Always the people pleaser, eh V?” He said, dropping the back panel on the floor and peering inside. V just rolled her eyes, picking at something on her boot. Viktor grunted as he sat up, looking over his tools and grunting.

“Can you like… fix him?” V asked. She wondered if she just paid a good stack of Eddies for something that could be pawned off for spare parts. Maybe she could just..give Theo his faceplate and call it good?

“Well I’ve reversed firmware’s before, but this might take a little longer. I’m no miracle worker.” Viktor looked over to V, his voice giving her a hint of reassurance. V scoffed. “You’ve fixed me up plenty of times, even if I do got a shelf life that’s worse than milk’s.” She tried to lighten the mood, but the look on Viktor’s face didn’t look like it helped. “What I’m saying is, if anyone can do it, it’s you. Probably. I think the guy at the shop only knew how to update firmware.” V said, trying to cover up her fuck up. “And imagine the look on Theo’s face when she see’s her best friend is back!” V chirped, her voice a faux cheery tone. Even Johnny winced at that, giving a thumbs down. V flipped him off.

Viktor brought over some little machine, pulling the cord from a little compartment on it and plugging it into Brendan. V leaned her head back against the wall, her mind wandering back to Theo’s heartbroken face. That poor girl’s face was ingrained in her brain.

“Chick had a rough life. She pack-bonded to that heap of metal. Don’t blame her one bit.” Johnny’s voice filled V’s head as he walked over, flicking his cigarette to the floor and watching as it flickered away into a million little pixels.

“She said something about a breakup, right? Or at least a tough relationship..” V said, internally to her engram. Johnny moved so he was sitting down next to her, elbow propped up on his knee.

“She’s got a sentient vending machine, you got a biochip of a super famous rockstar in your head. We all need our comfort objects, huh?” Johnny said, moving his elbow as if he was gonna elbow her ribs. V felt nothing but was somehow still annoyed.

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At some point, as Viktor worked on Brendan, V fell asleep. It felt like it was the first time V had fallen asleep in days, sudden exhaustion kicking in. Viktor noticed a couple of hours ago, but chose to let her sleep anyways. The poor girl looked beat. Viktor finally wheeled away from the machine, having screwed the back panel in tightly and pulling out the electrical cord for the machine.

“Hey V, ‘bout to power this thing up, you wanna wake up?” Vik called, startling the merc awake. V groaned, rubbing at her eyes. Johnny was nowhere in sight, but Viktor was looking at her expectantly.

“What? Yeah, yeah I’m up. Plug ‘im in.” She said, moving to stand in front of the towering S.C.S.M. The vending machine lit up Vik’s entire shop, the pink of Brendan’s ‘clothes’ casting a deeper shade of pink across the walls.

“V! Boy am I glad to see you!” Brendan chirped, his eyes shifting left and right. V smiled, the same old Brendan was back.

“Hey bud, glad to see you too.” “What did I miss while I was gone? Any important drink orders I should remember?” Brendan said, his screen flickering just ever so slightly. V shook her head, glancing at Viktor. The man seemed just more confused, but sat back down on his chair.

“Nah, nothing like that. You were barely out for a day. Theo’s missing you something fierce though.” She said, hoping he still remembered her.

“Theo! Is she okay? Where is she? I hope she’s okay.” If a S.C.S.M could wag it’s tail like a puppy, Brendan would be doing that right about now.

“Relax, she’s fine. I kinda….told her that you were gone and she, well she took it pretty hard. Got the best ripperdoc in town to fix you up though. How do you uh...feel? Can you feel?” She added the last part under her breath. Brendan was silent for a moment, as if he was thinking.

“I would like to see Theo. I think I feel fine!” The machine said to her. V patted Brendan on the main screen...face-thing before moving over to Viktor. She extended her hand to him, intending to transfer some eddies to him.

“Thanks again, Vik, I know I keep saying I owe ya but this time...I really do owe ya. I got about...5k Eddies left, I hope that covers it.” She said, internally preparing to be broke for the next couple of days. Vik shook his head.

“Keep ‘em.”

“Vik-”

Viktor shook his head again. “Keep ‘em. You get to haul the thing back to Japantown though. I ain’t gonna help you with that.”

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Theo’s world felt...empty. Just the night before she had broken up her relationship, on the advice of Brendan of course. He helped her through so many rough patches and then this morning he was just….gone. She felt so powerless. The maintenance workers wouldn’t listen to her… she tried everything! Theo sat in one of the plastic chairs just in the first level of the megabuilding. Her apartment was a few floors up, she even remembers how she met Brendan. The one day she wanted a coffee from a vending machine and the S.C.S.M greeted her and asked if she was okay.

The rest was history.

He was so sweet, so caring. Knew exactly what to say when Theo struggled. Her daily routine revolved itself around Brendan now. Now? He was gone. Physically no, he wouldn’t be gone. The machine would be there still. But Brendan? His personality? Would be gone.

It was like a void in her heart, something in her life that was missing. She broke off her relationship and now with Brendan gone? Who did she have? Theo took a cigarette out of her pocket, sparking up the lighter and inhaling deeply. She wouldn’t cry over a stupid machine, yet here she was- tears threatening to spill.

Theo sat there for hours, watching the world go by as she sat in her little chair and smoked. She barely moved, barely felt. The sun eventually rose to it’s highest peak in the sky before falling back down. Night City falling under a blanket of colder temperatures as darkness fell. Theo stood up eventually. Her bones and muscles ached as she moved for the first time. She found her way to her apartment- purely on autopilot now.

Her apartment was cold, lonely, empty. It had been for a while, she realized, but now it felt more so. Theo was just about to head to bed when she heard a commotion out in the hall. Normally, especially in good old megabuilding H8, that wasn’t any cause for concern. The voice sounded oddly familiar though.

“..V?” Theo mumbled, getting up from her spot on the couch. She pressed the button for the door to slide open. V was there, standing in the hallway looking sweaty and exhausted.

And so was Brendan.

Theo leaned against the doorframe, confusion washing over her face.

“Hey uh...so listen, its a long story- but do you have space in your apartment? I was gonna put him back in his normal spot but...I’d hate to see him get vandalized or some shit.” V said, leaning an elbow on the dolly that was wedged under the S.C.S.M. Theo didn’t know what to say, merely opening her mouth like a fish. She merely moved out of the way as V struggled to haul the giant machine through the door.

“Vik fixed him up, just gotta plug him in and he’s good as new.” V said, grunting as she heaved the machine to Theo’s living room. He was angled awkwardly so he faced Theo’s bed, but no one cared at that point. She merely scurried out of the way, watching dumbly as V set Brendan down.

“He...I don’t...understand..” She said, unable to form words. V waved a hand, the cord flopping about. Theo reached for the cord, knowing where the only remaining outlet in her apartment was and plugging the machine in. Instantly her apartment was lit up with an otherworldly glow.

“That was some nap!.... Where am I?” Brendan chimed. V had leaned against the wall, watching as Theo moved to face Brendan. “Brendan?”

“Theo! Boy am I glad to see you! I missed you!” Tears pricked at Theo’s eyes. Happy ones this time. She looked over to V, rushing forward and gripping her in a bone shattering hug.

“Oh V… thank you, thank you so much!” She said, grinning up at her ‘friend’. V shrugged, not making eye contact.

“ was nothing, oh uh...here.” She said, taking the papers from her pants pocket. “He’s yours now, I guess? Your own personal uh..vending machine.” She shrugged. Theo just stared at the papers. She turned to Brendan, throwing her arms across the wide electronic.

“Oh gods I’ve missed you, B. I was so worried. They took you away I just...V tried to get you back and when she told me they wiped you… I thought… I’d never-” Theo was openly crying now, still clutching Brendan.

“It’s okay Theo, you’re strong, I believed in you all along. Am I in your apartment? You told me so much about your apartment!” Brendan chirped, his voice sounding more bubbly than usual. Theo nodded, a half sob half laugh escaping her lips.

“It is, you’re here and...you’re mine now! You don’t have to stay down on the street anymore.. No one’s gonna vandalize you!” Theo’s voice went on, about how much fun they would have now that Theo didn’t have to worry about him anymore. V rubbed the back of her neck, feeling like an intruder now.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, I guess. I’ll come visit at some point?” V didn’t know why she asked that, when she knew herself that her time was limited. Maybe Johnny would visit for her. Theo looked and nodded, before turning back to talk to her best friend. V let herself out quietly.

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It was dark now when V exited the megabuilding, her own stomach rumbling for some of the local food that filled the air’s scent. The entire day had been just a rollercoaster of emotions. She leaned down to light a smoke, one of the ones Johnny had begged her to smoke originally.

“Nothing like a happy ending, huh?” Johnny said, phasing next to her as she walked to her car. V said shrugged.

“I don’t get one, might as well give her one. She can go off and live her happy life with her vending machine. I got...a computer chip in my head that makes me smoke.” She shrugged. Johnny laughed.

“You got me. Ain’t that enough?” He said, referring to his whole body. V rolled her eyes.

“Well, out of all the engrams in the world, I’m glad I got Johnny fuckin’ Silverhand.”

[lipstickbisous]

the rei brown series (2/3)

OUR LOVE REMAINS.

notes: here’s the second part!! one more after this haha. not much of a plot to these just meant to put you in your feels. butttttt, i did write this from the experience my mom had in the icu when she was a nurse.

this one is your p.o.v. and is a little bit longer but not much

i DID NOT KNOW if anyone would get offended by “latino” or “hispanic” so i used both im sorry.

LISTEN for better understanding.

also u guys REALLY LIKED the din fic so i guess...more of those?

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: while rethinking all of the choices you’ve made in your life, memories of a certain person begin to flood in.

warnings: MORE ANGST ahahaha, childhood nostalgia, fluff ending

word count: 3.3k (these are not long chapters)

masterlist

you weren’t sure what time it was (you knew it wasn’t too late) and you hadn’t bothered to check as you stumbled through your doorway, one arm holding grocery bags and the other, your purse and papers from work. your hair had been stuck in the ponytail you threw it up in since the morning, but now, it was pulling at your scalp and giving you a headache.

managing to balance on one foot, you flipped the light switch in your entryway and watched as the first floor of your house illuminated in the night. the tiny dog you’d adopted a few months ago came padding out on the wood floors from the dining room, his tongue stuck out with loud pants to relieve himself of the texas summer heat. 

with a small “hey, bub,” to your pet, you placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and slipped off your clogs, throwing them at the bottom of your stairs so that you could be reminded to take them to your room when you went upstairs. for now, you reached into the glass cabinet and grasped a dark bottle of wine. the label read a fancy word in french, but growing up in kingsville, you’d never bothered to learn the language of love. you grew up in that rich latino and hispanic culture. 

this house had memories threatening to let it crumble, you knew that, but even after your parents had moved into a smaller apartment due to medical reasons and the fact that they couldn’t afford the house, you couldn’t bring yourself to move out of this town and just ditch them there--now the house was in your name. you didn’t know why it was so hard to leave--you’d been able to leave for university, but when you came back the summer after you’d graduated, something stuck. now, it had been twenty years and you had made no attempts to even leave kingsville. 

you popped the cork of the wine bottle open and instantly met that musky historic smell of the red alcohol. you had seven wine glasses in your cupboards, but you never had any friends over. you might occasionally invite a few girls you knew in high school, but if you were to hang out with people, it would be at a bar on friday and saturday nights. you watched as the wine splashed around the glass and when it was filled to your satisfaction, you pushed the cork back into its place and left the bottle on the counter.

as you made your way into the living room and collapsed on the couch, the little dog you called yours jumped up onto the high furniture the best he could due to his tiny legs. you searched your couch for the remote, pulling over the cushions and pillows before finding it buried under the arm. you switched the tv on and and flipped through the channels before settling on fifty-one. your dog curled up next to your lap and closed his eyes to sleep.

you didn’t for what you were sure was the next two hours. the movie that had been playing before ended the beginning of a new one had started until you realized your glass was empty and dry and your eyelids were getting heavier. you leaned your head back before rethinking how the day had gone. you’d shown up to the hospital for work at the crack of dawn and spent the next twelve hours wheeling around patients, taking diagnostics, and carrying their dirty dishes.

it definitely had not been the job you imagined when you were ten. you’d played doctor with your stuffed animals and plushes before but in those scenarios, the patients had been obedient in kind. unfortunately, fate had not been so kind and, while sitting in front of the television with an empty wine glass in your hand, your fingers grazing over the sore spot on your wrist. it was sure to be bruised, the one on your calf had turned purple and yellow in the past few days. you hissed when you applied just a bit too much pressure.

i spent four years at a college i hated to have this. you’d put it all on the line to have this job. you thought that by being a nurse in the fucking icu, you’d be saving people everyday. instead, you were groped, spat out, and ignored by everyone there. you deserved a glass of wine every night.

you knew that this was not healthy at all and that you were intoxicating yourself with far too much alcohol but the way your back ached, your calf bruised, and your head pounded drowned out whatever warnings your brain sent you.

suddenly, you managed to catch sight of the atomic clock sitting on your kitchen counter. bright crimson letters read “1:30 am.”, and with a far too heavy sigh that awoke the small dog next to you, you set the glass on your coffee table (you’d grab it in the morning when you weren’t so sad) and flipped the tv off before sauntering up the stairs. even at your age, you had still been terrified of the dark--you could barely walk down to your basement without a flashlight and by yourself--but you found that you were perfectly fine walking in the pitch-black of your upstairs hallway. your dog was quick to follow behind you, jumping onto your bed and waiting for you as you emotionlessly entered your bathroom and looked at your reflection.

who the fuck were you? how much time had passed and yet here you were, in your fucking childhood home all alone? you’d found love with many men over the years, but you hadn’t expected them to last--and they hadn’t. what had you done? had you left some sort of imprint in the world at all? you were never one for kids, everyone you knew was well aware of that, but how were you supposed to live on even when you were dead? in reality, abandonment and loneliness was your worst fear along with--

oh god, you thought in a shriveled voice. you’re gonna be forgotten. 

one part that hurt the most was the news. you’d gotten better at keeping up to date with pop culture and politics, and the pablo escobar situation had you worried for one reason and one reason only--javier peña. you’d seen him on the news, the DEA agent who had made it his responsibility and top priority to catch the famous drug lord. it was nice to see that he had gotten somewhere while the only time you’d ever really traveled was to paris for a christmas and then LA to see an old friend who you didn’t even talk to anymore. 

this was your life now. mindlessly wandering around your house after work, eating microwaved leftovers and carry-out from the diner.

god, that diner. it had been one of your favorite locations in the shitty town you called home--had been. the first time you went, you were suspicious due to the fact that the actual building was a different restaurant owned by a criminal before it was a diner, but javier had practically begged you to have a late dinner with him after an afternoon spent skipping your last few periods and driving around the outskirts of town in his truck. the wind had been blowing through your hair and you hung your head out of his window, letting your arms wave around, and you could’ve sworn you had felt him looking at you. 

that was the moment you were in love with javier peña.

you knew that you had been lying to yourself up until that moment because since the first day you met javier when driving past their ranch and stopping to look at the horses, you’d been in love. you couldn’t even think about how many days were spent writing poetry about him that now seemed stupid and childish. you’d told yourself it was an outlet for your feelings, but you had really written it because you were too much of a bitch to come out and tell javi. maybe that hadn’t been your fault--you’d witnessed, first hand, javier rejecting a girl in sixth grade. you watched her nod and tell him “oh, that’s okay” but then run away into the bathrooms. javier had continued on to tell you about a new foal on their farm.

you remembered the horses. you missed them too. if it hadn’t been them roaming about in the pastures, or the great stallion that caught your attention while on that family car ride, you would’ve never met javier. you weren’t sure if he judged you for it or not, but every time chucho needed help around the farm, and javier was too much of a brat and a teenager to do it, you had gladly offered. so, chucho peña had put you in charge of the foals. there was one in particular, a small one with a white coat, that had piqued your interest. there was a day, one in the middle of the summer if you could remember correctly, where you and javi had just run out to the fields while the rest of the horses stayed in their stables. javi had been excited since his father had gifted him with a new camera, and he had spent all day taking pictures of--and to this day, you still didn’t notice it--only you. 

while brushing your teeth, carefully placing a small dot of paste on your toothbrush, you began to scrub in small circles. how long had it been since you and javi had last talked? even then, it had barely been a conversation. a simple exchanged of very few words, a goodbye that went misheard, and that was it. when you had called his home phone the next morning, instead of javi replying like he always did, it had been chucho’s voice instead, muffling an annoyed “hello?” but when he heard the exhaustion and lightness of your voice, he carefully explained that javi had already left.

you hadn’t felt heartbroken--not at first. in fact, there was barely any sadness in that tired head and upset stomach. you were infuriated. how could he? how dare he? he had been such a coward that he couldn’t even say goodbye and it angered you more than you thought it ever would--not that you had ever thought about javier leaving before because he said he wouldn’t even consider it. and now, he had left you alone your fucked up hometown that you’d always told him you hated so much. then, about three days alone without javier (which was something you weren’t used to) you’d realized that there was a large possibility this could’ve been your fault.

had you been a bad friend recent to his leaving? yes, you had been acting distant, but it was due to normal events, such as school and...the fact that you were hopelessly in love with him. it had been harder to talk with senior year ending and college coming up, but you hadn’t never thought he could just turn himself away like that. never.

and not once had javi tried to contact you. he, of course, knew your number by heart, but after all these years, he’d probably had hundreds of girls phone numbers--in fact, you were sure that if hadn’t been a DEA agent hooked with the most dangerous man on the earth, you would’ve expected him to be married already. you had gone to the wedding. you’d seen how the church was decorated, how each and every guest wore plastered smiles--just the idea of seeing javi made you giddy and you’d worn your best dress you could find. even after returning from university, javier didn’t visit or call. you also remembered hearing lorraine sobbing when her groom didn’t show.

javier was not the type of person to stand someone up. you didn’t know what he was like now, but as teenagers, if he ever had a date (which wasn’t often because even if you didn’t know it, he was hopelessly in love with you) he would arrive five minutes early. 

the one time javi did have a date, you stayed home and watched one of his favorite movies while crying. you hated to admit that the next day, when he admitted to you he didn’t like the girl that much, you were excited.

suddenly, you remembered how this was completely your fault. you had always blamed javier for never calling or writing, but then you realized that you had never made the attempt either.

“fuckin’ hell,” you whispered and washed off your toothbrush. as a nurse, you didn’t normally cake yourself with makeup, but you did wear the average concealer, mascara, and lipstick or gloss. you took one look at your reflection and noticed that your mascara was currently running. when did i cry? you asked yourself and exited the bathroom, not bothering to remove your makeup.

your room was next door and when you walked inside, your dog was patiently waiting next to your nightstand and- god, did i leave the fucking light on again? you felt like slapping yourself until your head was straight because it wasn’t right to think about someone you haven’t seen in twenty years.

you slipped off your pants, leaving you in expensive panties you’d gotten for no reason at all. you threw off your scrubs, discarding them onto the floor with a light air sound and replacing your shirt with a tank-top. your bed had been so perfectly made that it almost annoyed you. you threw yourself onto your bed and began to rub your eyes. it wouldn’t matter if you messed up the mascara because there was nothing to mess up. 

hoping the sleep would rid you of the horrible thoughts, you flipped the lamp next to your bed off and pressed a pillow to your cheek. the small dog at your feet curled up rested his eyes. you did the same.

it would’ve been physically best for your health if you had gone at least six hours of sleeping without any interruption, but one moment in the night, the phone on your nightstand began to blare its ringtone. your eyes shot open and began to burn slightly from a sudden awakening. the sound had scared your dog, who jumped to the ground in protection of whatever the source was until he realized it was the telephone. you groaned with heavy eyelids and looked to the clock. two-twenty five am. as soon as you went to answer the call, it went to dial tone. 

more frustrated than before because you really just wanted to sleep, you groaned and flung yourself back into bed. of course, now you were awake.

but then, the phone began to ring again. it had seemed louder this time and your dog barked in the most un-intimidating way possible before you threw a pillow at the spot next to him to get him quiet. you held the phone close to your ear and spoke a tired, “hello?” the line was silent and at first, you were terrified because you could’ve sworn you heard someone breathing. another one of these. “hello?”

part of this was exciting to you. while it was extremely frustrating to be awoken a few hours before you normally rose to get ready for work, your mind was racing during the silent pause between you and this stranger. who could it be? perhaps it was chucho telling you that javier could be coming home, but you cursed yourself for thinking of that man and dismissed the idea. maybe it was your mom calling to tell you how your father had gotten better and, for now at least, the cancer was gone. 

“(y/n)?”

―

while the reason behind it remained unclear, you had always loved airports. the cleaning-product smell, the diverse people, the small restaurants, even the feeling of the carpet--or the feeling of that when in an airport, you were going somewhere.

it had always been about going somewhere. javier knew this since fifth grade, that you had always wanted to just leave kingsville, texas. maybe you would move to new york, or philadelphia, or even go to london and paris. they had been silly daydreams due to reading too many of your mother’s travel books, but paris had always looked so nice. maybe even visit mexico--you’d already been well immersed in the culture.

but that wasn’t why you were here. you were here for something that was long overdue.

after the phone call that night, you javier had made sure to call each other every other day at ten o’clock pm. there had been some days where you had to stay late at the hospital or javi was chasing sicarios and didn’t get home until midnight--those nights, you would either fall asleep or just call the next day, but you both had made a good schedule. it definitely hadn’t been the same as when you were teenagers, and you didn’t expect it to be. his voice was much deeper and raspier (you knew it was because of the cigarettes, you could practically smell them through the phone) and his voice wasn’t as...lively anymore. you felt that you couldn’t say much, though, because the years had been rough to you as well.

he had told you everything. your thoughts on how he was living was wrong--he told you of the countless informants and prostitutes, how the colombian sun was definitely hotter than the texan sun and even to him it had made a difference. when you both had too much to drink and were passing back funny stories, his was that he had grown a mustache. you had laughed at that one because if you could imagine the clean-shaved, teenage boy that javier once was with a mustache, it was a hilarious thought.

all-in-all, it had still been painful to talk to someone you knew so well like they were a stranger. at first, you had asked yourself if he’d changed but you caught yourself in the stupid thought. of course, he had changed. it had been twenty fucking years and even you had noticed the faint lines starting to appear around your face. 

it had taken almost half a year of phone calls, missed and attended, happy and sad to be where you were now.

the airport bustling had also been one of your favorite things too. the countless and various voices all coming together to make a white noise that was so distinct. 

you were standing near the entrance, watching as families reunited, lovers embraced, and yet you stood alone. it had been over ten minutes since when javier was supposed to show. if you were being honest with yourself, what did you expect? he would just appear out of thin air in the middle of a crowd? you hoped the flight from bogotá had been peaceful and well. there hadn’t been any storms passing by, baggage loading problems, or anything that could possibly delay the plane, so there was no reason for javier not to be there.

unless...you began to think and it had been too late to stop yourself from completing the thought. maybe he just didn’t want to. 

like when he rejected that girl in sixth grade. like when he left you alone in kingsville. like when abandoned his bride at their own fucking wedding.

suddenly, you felt angry. your blood was boiling, your hands felt hot, the hair on your neck became irritating, and the winter heat of texas began to scorch, even in air conditioning. you ran a hand down your face, feeling two beads of sweat trickle down a path to your chin. your foot, which had been tapping for the past now fifteen minutes turned on its heel as you made your way to the glass doors.

your car was just outside. you wouldn’t even have to walk that far, and then you could drive home, cry yourself to sleep, and call javier about this some other time.

“(y/n)!”

tags: @pascalisthepunkest @javierpenaspinkshirt @gummiishark @cyarikaaa @larakasser @pedropasscals @honeyedspace @talesfromtheguild @absurdthirst

[lovelymaybankk]

cant do anything - jj maybank

req: no

#1 angst: I can’t do anything right

w.c: 1.641

tw: mentions of abuse, death, swears, mentions of beer & drugs

a/n: i love jj sm. and im dying my hair pink tehe. also this ones in lowercase bc im lazy. this is rlly bad

it wasn’t odd for jj and y/n to sleepover anywhere but their own houses. they both dealt with their own fair share of shit, desperately doing anything to never be home. though they never talked about it, they knew they were both going through the same things. y/n would have bruises around her hips and ribs, while jj normally had them on his stomach or even around his spine. 

so currently, the two were laid out on the dock beside john b’s house. they were silent, jj sitting up first. its been atleast two weeks since jj had even seen his father. and even though he was a dick, no matter how hard he would try he still found love somewhere in his heart for the man. y/n glanced at him, wondering why he had gotten up. so she matched his sitting position, but instead faced the boy.

“what’s wrong?” y/n asked, legs crossing as her hands went to her knees. she looked peaceful, brushing hair behind her ear.

“i should go home.” jj sighed, not wanting to but he needed to see how his father was. honestly, he knew he shouldn’t go home. he should go as far away from home as possible. but something in him told him he needed to go home. there was a pit in his stomach that he couldn’t explain, using his hands to push himself up and off of the dock.

y/n’s eyebrows furrowed, again matching the boy and standing. “what?” she asked, looking at the taller as if he had two heads. jj shrugged, letting out a heavy sigh. he knew what y/n would say, ‘you’re crazy, hes insane!’ but jj turned on his heel, not responding to his best friend.

y/n trailed behind him, basically interrogating the boy, “i have a bad feeling.” jj finally responded, going inside the chateau. the girls head shook, letting a breath out she didn’t know she was holding. 

“you’re probably just hungry. you haven’t eaten recently,” y/n commented, grabbing the boys bicep to stop him. he shook out of her grip, opening the door to the empty room where they had been staying.

“jj,” y/n sighed, leaning against the door frame as she watched her best friend grab his bikes helmet. “you know what hes gonna do.” they had an unspoken rule, never bring up the others home life. the comment that she made made jj stop, looking at her with angry eyes. 

“you don’t know shit.” jj snarled, but she did. they both knew what was going to happen. he pushed past her, shoes clicking loudly on the wooden floorboards. 

john b entered the house from the deck, staying silent as he watched his two best friends seemingly argue. his arms crossed, tutting to himself as he left to leave them by themselves.

“yes, i do.” y/n argued, now getting angry. he had never wanted to go home, but now he did? “i know your dad.” she seethed, chasing jj as he left the house and walked to his bike.

“god, y/n. lay off. alright? i don’t have a good feeling. i’ll be back soon, holy shit.” jj snapped, putting on the helmet as he sat on the motorbike. y/n stopped a few feet away. 

“ok.” she huffed, watching him speed off. y/n rolled her eyes, turning and going to meet the rest of the group on the deck. “that boy is gonna kill himself.” she took a seat beside kie, arms crossing.

“what happened?” pope questioned, leaning back and crossing his arms. y/n shrugged, not even knowing to be honest. one minute they were fine, next minute y/n cared to much and jj got all prissy on her.

jj drove angrily to his house, not even knowing why it mattered. y/n had pissed him off, asking to many questions. he hates questions. especially from the girl who he loves. likes. he never accepted his feelings, face heating up at the thought of loving her. without knowing, he sped up, taking a sharp turn into his driveway and stopping. 

why had he come home? jj’s breath shortened, stopping the bike and getting off. his foot tapped against the dirt below him, tossing down the helmet. he slowly walked towards the house, entering quietly. “dad?” jj called out, trying to stay silent.

no answer. the next thing jj knew, he was walking into the living room. his breath stopped. his dad was on the couch, empty beer bottles discarded around him. normally, he would think he passed out. but his chest laid still, body looking almost pale. jj knew what happened. his heart felt like it stopped.

his dad. the piece of shit he grew up. his only guardian. was dead. on their couch. jj fell to the ground, knees shaking. he couldn’t breathe. everything felt numb.

it had been two weeks since the group had seen jj. over time, everybody just became more than nervous. so today, they finally decided to see him.

john b got out of the van first, his heart beating in his ears. he slammed on the door, not caring if jj’s dad heard him. “jj!” he screamed, hands turning red from how hard he was hitting the door.

y/n wasn’t far behind, putting her hand on john b’s shoulder. the other two followed them, hearing shuffling behind the door. the door swung open, revealing a definitely high jj. they all let out a breath, y/n pushing past john b and wrapping her arms around  the taller. he shrugged her off, looking at her with confusion.

“hey guyss,” jj slurred, almost falling over. he seemed thinner. had he been eating?

“oh jj,” kie let out a soft sob, doing what y/n had done and hugging him. but only, she wasn’t shrugged off. y/n felt a heartache, body seeming to shake. “where the fuck have you been?” kie pulled out of the hug, feeling the stares from her friends.

jj shrugged, opening his arms to show the messy house. “here.” he continued to slur, bloodshot eyes struggling to stay open.  “when i came homee..” he struggled with words, eyes tearing up at the though of the memory. “i had a baaaddddd feelin’.” the pogues could barely tell what he was saying. 

“and i was riht.” jj muttered, rubbing his eyes. “my dad died.” he said in a soft voice, and everybody stopped. the air went thick. of course, the drunk boy didn’t notice. he fell over onto the floor, john b quick to move and grab him.

hours later, jj woke up from his slumber. his head pounded, ears ringing. everything around him was fuzzy, he could just barely make out a figure infront of him. as his eyes refocused, he noticed the figure to be y/n. he sat up immediately, running his hands through his hair as he watched girl slumped over herself, head handing low as she seemed to be asleep.

as jj moved, y/n woke up quick. “holy shit,” she let out a heavy breath, hands shaking as she got up to hug him. jj leaned into the touch, staying silent as he listened to her breathing. “i thought you died.” y/n mumbled, concern growing for the boy. he didn’t seem to be high or drunk anymore.

“i’m sorry,” jj didn’t want to let his emotions get the best of him. but watching his dad get taken away two weeks ago, leaving him alone left him broken. he didn’t want to be fixed. he barely ate during those two weeks, drinking mainly vodka and beer, abusing the powers of weed and his juul. he wasn’t healthy, but again, he didn’t want to be fixed.

“i just- i was so worried.” y/n stayed in the hug, refusing to let go. she pulled away after a few minutes, sitting at where his feet were. “why didn’t you tell us?” she questioned softly, hand resting on where the boys calf was.

“i felt so weak.” jj admitted, his stomach churning. “i just- i couldn’t move. i couldn’t talk. i should’ve-” he finally broke down, the happy face that y/n remembered hadn’t been there for two weeks. tears quickly ran down his face, pooling at the chin before dropping onto his shirt and soaking it. “i can’t do anything right. if i wasn’t such a fuck up this wouldn’t have happened.” jj sobbed, hands covering his face as his knees pulled to his chest.

jj couldn’t breathe. his breath shortened, his heart seemed to speed up. y/n moved quickly, cooing softly at the boy as she pulled him into a hug. they stayed like that for a little, y/n comforting the boy as he let out all of his emotions until he felt empty. he stopped crying, rubbing his eyes.

“are you okay?” y/n asked, her hand going onto his knee. he stayed silent, and from that she knew her answer. “jj, im gonna be honest. i was worried sick. the moment you stormed out i was so confused, maybe even heartbroken.” she let out a soft, sad chuckle. jj pulled his head up, connecting their eyes. “you’ve always been there for me. you mean the world to me in ways i don’t think you fully understand. i have to say this now.” she wanted to distract the boy, because thats what she was best at, “i love you.” y/n looked in his eyes for any emotion, but she couldn’t tell what he was feeling.

jj grabbed her cheeks with his hands, pulling her close and closing the small gap between them. y/n was shocked, but soon leaned into the touch. 

jj’s mind was occupied, realizing. shit, i coulda been doin this longer?

[night-rhea]

MC House Challenge! ❤️💛💙💚

This is  @kyril-hphm​ ‘s amazing idea!  I wanted to do it daays days ago but... Some shit happens everyday right? And ı also wanted to try different style to draw hairs, ım sure one day ım gonna figure it out. (ı realized ı made their eyes color wrong...damn.)

So here ı am with my girls!

İts turn out a bit long, so ım putting this button here. İf you want to know girls better, just click it!

Gryffindor Night ❤️

She is LOUD. You think Slytherin Night is loud enough? Just wait to hear this Gryffindor's voice. Bill use her in the mornings when a few Gryffindor couldn’t wake up in the time. Also need a silent moment in the common room? Just ask her, ım pretty sure even Ravenclaw Tower can hear her "Shut the fuck up!"

Also yes, this Night is not shy about swearing. But she is mostly creating absurd swear sentences. "For the fuck sake Merula, ı dont give a fuck about your fucking power GO AWAY AND FUCK SOMEBODY ELSES EAR WİTH ALL YOUR SHİT" As you can guess, she is bff with Merula.

İf you cant hear her voice, there is 2 possible place she can be. Quidditch Pitch and detention.

She is playing as a Chaser and this is the one of the only way to shut her up. Like Rath, she let her skills speak for her.  Even its just a practise, Night is always so focussed in game, sometimes her looks scaring Charlie away. She really loves Quidditch, this adrenaline. Oh and she loves the victory of course. That makes her second Skye. Poor poor Orion..

For the detention part, she is in there more than she is in  her own dorm room. Unlike Slytherin Night, she is a fan of Tonks and Tulip's pranks and loves to mess with grumpy Filch. Also detention is not that bad. With Jae here, there is always a way to have fun. Charlie always says that one day Night and Jae's closeness will blow their towers up. Everyone is just waiting for this day. Even McG.

Lets talk about her relationship with Jacob. They were really close when they are little. Because of their last name's bad popularity (ım planning to explain this later), they didnt have any friend other than each other. When Jacob left home, she lost not just her brother but also her best friend too. (Lucky for her, in Hogwarts there will be Rowan)

She dyed her hair red right before coming Hogwarts. To show everyone how she is gonna be Gryffindor just like her brother. Also while everyone talking shit about Jacob, Night refused to believe her precious brother can do something bad like that.

giggles Wanna gossip about her? Like her best friend ,she has a big fat crush on Bill. You should see how she blush when Bill compliment her. She cant help it he is "too fucking cool"!

Night and Rowan spend so many nights to talking and fangirling about him. But after realizing that he see her as a sibling,  not a lover, she was a little heartbroken and tried to date some other guys who is like him. She ended up single of course, because no one can be perfect like him.

İf you want chaos, Gryffindor Night is your girl!

Hufflepuff Night 💛

My favorite thing about this Night is her smile. İts so warm and full of love..I should admit she is the purest Night but she is too good for her own. This is the why she is entire Hufflepuff's little sister. Especially Diego's. But nor she or me can decide that he fancy her or just love her as a little sister. you know, because its Diego...

Not so suprisingly ,She loves to take care of her friends, just like Orj Night, but this girl is doing it more serious. She is the mom friend of their group. She is gonna make sure you eat all your meal and drink enough water. And if you didnt, well you need to deal with her.  Also Night will remind you to take right books for your class if you two have same class. "Did you study for todays quiz? Oh why didnt you?! Come on ı can tutor you! We only got 11 minutes but nevermind that!" Dont worry she got you. Aand One more thing, she has best shoulder to cry. Im not kidding, she will hug you until you feel better and ı can guarentee you that her kind hug and angelic voice will help you calm down.

İn the other hand, Huff Night is not good at handling her own bad emotions. Her anxiety level is a little higher than other Night's.

She is not a "so different" person. İts her words not mine. Being Rhea makes her a little bit special of course but not in the good way. She is just average girl with a unlucky family, thats all. She loves her loved ones more than she loves herself, and always wish that she can be powerfull just to protect them. But sadly she dont believe she can, she is not like Merula. Not that brave or confident . Or Tonks. Not that talented. Or Penny. Not that pretty and popüler. Aah ah, this pure girl has a lot in her mind(or should ı say her heart?) but so shy to talk about them. Damn girl, go and talk about this to Rowan (While you still can...Can you imagine how she break after she cant save her best friend..?)

Enough, İts time to tell you happy thing about her life!   She was very suprised and happy (but mostly suprised) when Merula ask Night to be her date. They started to date in fourth year. (Everyone thanked Night for making Merula more calm and tolerable. Night said that Merula dont need to be tolerated)  Well they have their up and downs of course. Before Rakepick betray them, fifth year was pretty good (Night cried for her girlfriend when she learn about Merula's parent) but unfortunate thing  that  happened in buried vault, made their hearts to apart. Night still love her deeply and wishes  she was powerfull enough to save her from Rakepick so they would still next to each other now.(I know ı said "happy thing". Thats why ı wont tell you that after Rowan's death Night thinks maybe its best if Merula far from her. No ı wont tell you that)

But dont worry about her! She is gonna smile no matter what because her smile can make someone else smile too! İf you love tea and cookie, please let her know your favorite cookie. Her mom sending her delicious Turkish tea and she will be happy to share with you!

Ravenclaw Night 💙

After Slytherin Night, Ravenclaw Night is my second favorite. I really love her general mood.

As you can see, she is the only Prefect Night. And there is simple reason for that, she is perfectionist. She didnt became Prefect because she wants to help others, she became one to make sure everything is right. All other Night helped their Rowan to be Prefect but Ravenclaw Night dont believe that other Ravenclaw's will listen Rowan. She herself is more suited, just like Chester. (She really respect Chester) But dont get me wrong, Night dont underestimated Rowan. She just believe Prefect should be more serious and Rowan's heart is so pure for that.

And unlike Hufflepuff Night, this girl have a lot faith in herself. When Night is doing something, she knows it will be perfect because she wont stop untill its perfect.  

I should warn you about her, she loves to complain. "Damn ı have to do all work. Why cant you do anything  right on your own? İt was easy, even for you. Go and do something else ım gonna finish this one. No stop wait dont do anything. Just. Go."

Just like this,she can easily tell "rude" words. Even if she didnt trying to be rude.  She is just saying whats true! İts not her fault that truth is more bitter than lies. And sorry but truth has to be told. Even if someones heart can get hurt. Lies can make everything worse than a little heartbreak. İts like a poison that tastes good and late effecting. They should thank her for not poisoning them.

Her friends? She dont have a lot. Because of her rude attitude, a lot of people dont get near her often. Fine by her. She dont want "extras" anyways. Her little group of friends is enough for her. Also she have Rowan, right? Rowan is her true soulmate. This two girls can spent hours in library and this is their favorite hang out. Honestly all Night need is Rowan and some book, she can live without any other people, thanks. But she can admit Talbott and Badea are pretty good too. Especially Talbott. He is her second best friend, if she has to give it a number. (This two became friends a little too fast. They have so many similarities. Biggest one is "Fuck Peoples" motto. They even have a ugly t-shirt that saying that. Andre died when he saw it for the first time.)

I think her mom Selina is responsible for Night's reckless behaviour. She was already angry to Jacob for leaving her behind and being ignored by her only parent makes her..ıdk, like that? She tried so hard to make Selina to notice her daughter is still with her.Tried to make her portrait with her pastel pencils, tried to brush her long hair and dressed like a princess, tried to write " I love you" in her mirror.  But little Night's little heart couldnt understand that pain of losing her son (just like how she lose her husband.) When she came to Hogwarts, she give up about her mom." İf a mother dont need to worry about her own child, then ı dont need to worry about anyone else too." But of course, she is not that heartless like she likes to think.

I think you can imagine that other students calls her names. Like "freak" or "selfish" or "egoist". She mostly just ignore them (because she dont believe they are worth to explain why she is not these name) and pretend like nothing had happened, Talbott and Rowan know she actually care and wants to be more "good". More "likeable". She is just making everyone uncomfortable when she walks in and she know it. But there is nothing she can do. İts in her blood. She is just like her mother.

I feel like ı talk too much about bad thing. İts time to tell moments when Ravenclaw Night smile. She dont have a normally smiley face but of course she smile. And you know what? İts mostly because of her boyfriend. This girl has a big soft spot for Barnaby. She literally melt every time he talk. İn the beggining she thinks he is just some stupid Slytherin and not worth lose any time but after being friends (which is a miracle) she can punch you in the face if you call him stupid. (Dont test about how hard she can punch.)

How the heck this boys heart can be this beautiful? Like, boy your parents nothing but shit to you how did you turn into biggest and cutest puppy in the world? And again, how did he love her? I mean, look at Night and look at Barnaby. They are so different and he can be with literally every witch in schooli and yet he is with Night. She dont know what she did to be this lucky but she is not planning to let him go. Just watch her.

(And ı dont know if she will notice you if you dont talk with her. She will talk with you politely at first, dont worry. Just try to not say something about her being bad prefect or something bad about her friends or boyfriend, you will be fine.)

Slytherin Night 💚

It's finally Original Night's turn to shine. How about starting with why she is most masculine looking Night?

İt was because of Selina. After Jacob left, he was the only thing Selina talk about. She talked about how she misses him playing violin, his eyes that he took from her husband, his gentle voice. Unlike Ravenclaw Night, this didnt make our Night angry. İt made her jealous. She decided that if she wants to make her mom happy, she should remind her Jacob. Maybe if she can do this, her mom would miss him less and smile more to Night. So she asked Selina to cut her hair like Jacob's.

While she growing, she tried to act like Jacob. She learned violin, wore his old clothes. She even answered when Selina called her "Jacob". And it worked. Selina started to smile more, started to talking with her more, even she cook  special meals sometimes. Menu was always full with Jacob's favorites but it doesnt matter to Night. Her mom did it for her!

İn Hogwarts, she learned that she is nothing like Jacob. Hello,  dissappointment. She was too loud, too energetic, too friendly. She learned that she can't be Jacob for her mom. At first, it  freaked her out.

Thats why she didnt want to go Celestial Ball. Didnt want to wear dress and made her hair longer. (She did want. She just didnt let herself.) And when Andre and Rowan keep asking about,, Night finally tell them everything. You know what happened? Her two angel friends talked about hours how they love her in the way she is, how she dont need to be Jacob because its her own life and she deserved to be happy.

After a lot of hugs and crying, Night wore the dress that match her name, kept her hair short.

I made this too longer ı guess ( ı was planning not to tell about Slytherin Night...) but ı always wanted to explain why ı love her. İm proud of that she can make her peace with herself. Selina is still problem for her, and still will be problem in the future too but right now Night is free from the cage she made it herself. Of course sometimes her anxiety hit her and made her feel like she is all wrong but its not a something a few late night flying cant solve.

Am ı gonna make it longer because ı wanna talk about Night and Talbott relationship? No, there will be another time for that.

She is always open for more friends. Wanna play quidditch or make/ listen music or drink tea or cook something? Night will be happy to join you in literally everything.

[aliasimagines]

Meeting, falling for, dating and eventually having to leave Billy Hargrove would include :

request: Billy has a girlfriend before moving to Hawkins, being her the complete opposite of him (shy, a good person, honest, kind, dedicated, sensitive, right, who likes games, who fights for the power of women, etc…) the headcanon / imagine could be how they met, how they fell in love, how was dating (the day by day), what does Billy's family think of his gf, maybe moments / hobbies / things they both did together and perhaps what the two looked like when they both had to move to different cities. by @im-hqlover

a/n: I'm soooorrryyyyy it took me this long. It's messy and all over the place but I think I included everything (?). Also this is long. Sorry 🙏

Metting & getting to know each other

You met on the first day of high school

Billy didn't have a mulet back then, he wasn't wearing the leather jacket and didn't have his ear pierced. So wasn't really having the "bad guy" look just yet

You didn't really interact since he soon became popular while you liked to stay in the shadows thanks to your shyness

He was arrogant and rude while you are kind and quiet most of the time

But of course you have noticed him. He is gorgeous. Whit his wavy blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes.

Billy first really acknowledged you when you got paired for a school project in sophomore year. (not cliché at all)

You were nervous. Why wouldn't you be? It's Billy Hargrove we are talking about. One of the cool guys.

But honestly you didn't really think he would care about it

Much to your surprise he found you in lunch break. Billy told you that he has to pick up his step sister after school, but if you give him your address he will meet you there at 5

You were a bit shocked. Does he actually care? About a stupid school project?

Turns out he really does because he is failing the class

It's 5 past 10 when he shows up. He's got a small cut on his cheek which weren't there at school.

"Are you okay, Billy?"

He shrugged his shoulder, annoyed

"Can you just let me inside so we can do that stupid project?"

Deciding it's better not to anger him you step aside and guide him to your room

You start to do some research when you hear him murmur quietly

"I don't get this"

he was pointing at the task.

"Which part do you not get?"

"All of it?"

So you begin to explain him calmly and slowly

After about 2 hours, Billy kind of gets it so you start working.

You eat dinner with books in your hands while discussing the project.

And it's like you have been friends for years. You forgot your shyness and Billy forgot about all his problems. You even joked around between two tasks.

It's pretty late when you finish but it's friday so it's okay.

When you said goodbyes and you're about to close the door he suddenly turns around.

"Thanks Y/N. For explaining that shit."

"Of course, Billy! I'm glad I could help you!"

On Monday you and Billy present your project and the teacher is blown away by it. And Billy is so happy he pulls you into a bone crushing hug. And your bl

The teacher says that if Billy can keep this up he won't fail the class. So the teacher asks you to tutor him.

Growing & confessing feelings for each other

Once a week Billy comes over after he walked Max home( cause he doesn't have his car jet) and you guys work on home work together and study. Overtime he a bit longer stays after you finished studying. He stays for dinner (your parents love him) or you just hang in your room talking and listening to music.

Billy feels so comfortable around you. It's the way you treat him. Always so calm, kind and caring. He just feels like he can trust you. And he eventually realizes that he fell for you.

And oh boy, that scares him.

First Billy doesn't want to do anything about because he thinks there is no way you like him back.

But after spending many sleepless nights with fantasizing about what your relationship would be like he can't keep his emotions bottled up.

He gets up at 3 am and just goes over to your house and starts throwing rocks at your window

"Billy! What are you doing here?"

"I want to speak with you. Can you.. come outside?"

2 minutes later you find yourself walking next to Billy in a short and an oversized shirt you quickly changed into.

Few minutes pass and he still hasn't said anything. So you nervously turn to him and open your mouth to say something but he beats you to it.

"Y/N thanks to you I've got good grades and I'm super grateful for that but that's not why... Ah shit.. I can't"

He notices you're slightly shaking.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine just a bit cold"

"Oh, here. Take my jacket" and he puts it on your shoulders

And you're jumping out of your skin.

Because over there months you spent together you grew feelings for this boy and now he was giving you his jacket. Billy freaking Hargrove was giving you his signature leather jacket!

Oh, you weren't blushing. Naaah, not at all.

"T-thanks Billy..."

"Sure thing."

"So You were trying to say something?"

"Oh shit! ...You... I was trying to say how fucking nervous you make me." *cute small laugh*

Billy took a deep breath and stoped. You looked at him, totally confused.

"Y/N... I... I like you. Like... Like like you. I have been for a while now. You are just the cutest and kindest person I have ever met. Whenever you and I are alone I feel so happy... You make me super happy."

He looks at you like a lost puppy. He is just so goddamn cute.

Even though you're shy you pull him down by the collar of his shirt and kiss him.

Just a few hours ago you wouldn't even dare to dream about Billy liking you, yet here you are kissing on the poorly lighted street at 3 am.

That's how it started

Dating Billy & what his family thinks of it/about you

So Billy likes to show you off. Take you to parties (but if you don't want to he won't force you to), hold your hand in school or even kiss you by the lockers.

You definitely earn some jealous looks after that, even some threatening ones. (don't worry, Billy will punch everyone who tries to hurt you)

You accompany him when he has to walk Max home

Max does not mind it. You're always nice to her. You quickly befriend with the cute little ginger and take her to the arcade or play video games with her.

Once Billy gets his car you go on nightly car rides

He loves surfing, so he takes you to surf whenever he can. You have little competitions like "who can stay longer on the board?"

Or if you can't surf he will teach you.

Once you come out of the water he likes to walk around the beach, fingers intertwined, maybe get some ice cream or something. You guys would stay till ot gets dark.

Or sometimes even after that. Billy wound find a nice hidden spot where you can gaze up at the beautiful night sky as he holds you in his strong arms. And he has that smile on his face. You know it's a smile he only uses when it's just the two of you.

Like I said he is a show of and likes to drag you to parties so in return you drag him to demonstrations for women rights.

Billy loves listening to music and he loves you so listening to music with you is one of his favorite things to do.

You met his father and Susan when you ran over to his house to return his jacket.

Susan opens the door, asks who you are and when you tell her that you are Billy's girlfriend she immediately invites you in

She tells Max to inform Billy that you're here

Susan was cooking when you knocked so you ask if you can help her in anything till Billy comes.

"Oh aren't you sweet! Thank you, I would appreciate it!"

You and Susan are in deep conversation while you are cutting some vegetables when Billy walks in.

"Babe? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just brought back your jacket."

That's when Niel enter the kitchen too. He doesn't even says hello, he is just like: "who the hell is that?"

"I'm, uhm.. I'm Billy's girlfriend, sir."

Neil snorts and turns to his son "Your girlfriend?" Billy just nods so Susan takes the opportunity to speak up

"She is such a sweetheart, I didn't even know you had a girlfriend Billy."

"I guess I just didn't had a chance to talk about her"

Now his dad is looking at you "Does he take good care of you?"

"Yes sir, Billy is a wonderful boyfriend!"

"Pff are you talking about my son?"

And you're looking at him like wtf.

Later Billy tells you about his dad and how he treats him.

First your just so angry, because how can someone do that to their children?

But than you comfort your boyfriend. Tell him how he deserves the word and how you will always be there for him.

Moving to different cities

Billy is heartbroken when he learns you have to move.

But than his father announces that they will move to Hawkins and now he is hating every one.

You are devastated too, obviously. You just want to cry and be held by Billy but he is too busy being angry at the world.

You find him at your hiding spot on the beach, smoking.

"Billy, please don't be like this, this is hard for me too!"

He is too afraid of living without you, you're the only good thing in his life. And he doesn't want to lose you too.

"Baby I don't want this..." his voices is barely louder that a whisper, and you know he is fighting with his tears too.

"Me neither, Billy but... But we could figure out something?"

"What? We will be so freaking far away from each other!"

"Yes I know, but after high school we could still come back to Cali and live in a cute house by the ocean like how we planned"

"I... Yeah. Yes, you're right. But still, i don't know what will I do without you."

You sit next to him "We will talk. Every day on the phone. And I will write you."

The they you have to say goodbye is the worst. You are both crying. He doesn't want to let you go. You ran your fingers through his hair, one last time. He kisses you.

"Promise you won't forget me, Y/N. "

"I couldn't never!"

"Just promise."

"I promise, that I won't ever forget you Billy Hargrove."

[totheendofthelinepal]

TRY ME (PART FIVE)

Summary: You couldn’t stand Bucky Barnes, but as a part of the Avengers - You had no choice but to tolerate him. Until one day, mission gone ary - you realize that something else sparks between the two of you, in the most unexpected way.

Warnings: NSFW (18+), Swearing, Violence

Pairing: Reader (Y/N) x Bucky Barnes

121 days.

4 months.

Your wound was now a soft pink scar, you healed quickly. But another problem resided. Bucky. It was back at square one. The past few months, started out fine. He was careful, almost too careful around you. At first it was sweet, endearing almost. But once Bucky interfered, calling out that you weren’t ready to get back into the groove of physical training, you became slightly irritated. First it was in the training room, once the physician gave you the clear to begin fight training again, Bucky refused to work with you. Then, it was time that you got back into missions with the team. He would call you out. The rest of the team kept quiet. It all became too much for you, and it all blew up. Remembering the night, it made you cringe. He was screaming at you, and you at him. The both of you forgetting just how good it used to be. Now you could barely stand to look at him again. After that night, the fight that ripped you two apart, Bucky hadn’t said one word to you. That was 2 months ago. You worked mainly with Natasha these days, only quiet exchanges was all you had. You woke up, you did your work, you showered, you went to bed. That was it. You knew that this would happen, deep down. There’s always someone who disappoints you. 

The night was no different than your normal routine, you went to the kitchen to grab something to eat. Your eyes drifted to the pantry, your mind and body remembering Bucky. You could almost hear the sounds the both of you made that morning, the food falling around you. You swallowed hard, realizing just how much you missed being close to him. Your mind continued, until you heard a high pitched laugh you didn’t recognize. You turned to see Bucky and a blonde woman walking through the door. He stopped in his tracks, and your eyes instantly went to her hand. It was wrapped tightly around his arm. You couldn’t take your eyes away. Bucky coughed, motioning the girl to follow him to his room. Your heart sank, feeling like it hit the floor. Anger took over you as you slammed the cupboard in front of you, causing Steve to rush through the entry way.

“Sorry.” You practically hissed.

“Whats wrong?” He looked to you, clearly taking note your expression.

“Oh nothing…totally fine. Why don’t you ask the leggy blonde how she’s doing? oh she’s got it good right about now. She gets to have sex with the winter soldier.” You screamed out the last sentence.

Steve’s hand flew to your mouth, and you couldn’t help but form tears in your eyes.

“Come on, lets go.” He quietly said, ushering you out of the kitchen.

As Steve sat across from you, you let the tears fall silently. You tapped your leg, trying to distract yourself of what could have been happening in his room. 

“Y/N.” Steve sighed leaning forward.

“He’s such an asshole.” You choked out, wiping your eyes.

“Its been…two months, theres not too much you can do.” Steve grabbed your knee softly.

You now noticed Nat walking in the room, her eyes sympathetic. She leaned down in front of you, smiling softly as she rubbed your back. You were thankful the both of them were here. 

“I can’t believe Im going to say this, but next week we’re heading to a Hydra base. Im going to pair off you and Buck. You need to work this out.” Steve huffed, crossing his arms.

“Steve. No.” You choked out again.

“I’ll be with the two of you…just- You need to work this out.” He gave you his stern look, letting you know it wasn’t a discussion.

Next week came sooner than you thought, and as the team followed their orders, Bucky was still quiet. The three of you walked throughout the building, only footsteps filling the air. Steve sighed, signaling to the beat up door ahead of you. You fashioned your gun, Bucky’s eyes drifted to you and then quickly back to the door.

“Ready?” Steve sighed.

“We’ve got a signal of 10 operatives.” Nat’s voice spoke over the com.

“Got it covered.” You replied.

“I think Steve and I can handle this.” Bucky finally spoke, a small expression of worry across his face.

“Really with this, again?” You sighed, rolling your eyes.

“You were shot.” Bucky snapped.

“I’m recovered, Bucky. Im not a goddamn plush toy. I can take a hit.” You kicked the door open.

Before he could argue, he followed you through the door. You turned to see Steve behind, standing by the door. Confused, you carried on. Then something happened, it was like nothing had happened between you and Bucky, like no time had passed. The smoothness radiated as the two of you worked effortlessly to take out the men. You threw a kick to the air, as the men before you fell harshly to the ground. Bucky quickly behind you, grabbing whatever he needed from your combat suit. He returned the favor by passing his gun whenever you needed. Ten minutes later, the both of you stood over the bodies. You said nothing, only your breathing was the noise that filled the room. You both walked forward, back to Steve, his mouth hung open.

“What?” you huffed.

“Just- I’ve never seen you two fight together. That was incredible.” He blinked, clearly astonished.

Bucky was quiet, looking to you. You walked away, trying not to let him see the heartbreak across your face. 

You knew that if you looked into those beautiful bright blue eyes, it would all be over. 

The next mission was even worse, as Steve paired the two of you by yourselves this time. The only time you spoke was short, quick commands. Your mind drifted back to the time where the both you were taking these moments to sneak away. You sighed out loud, walking beside the man you once cared for, now nothingness resided between you. 

“Looks like this floor is clear.” Bucky remarked.

“Great.” You couldn’t help but let sarcasm peek through.

“Now what is it? Don’t like the way I’m breathing?” He crossed his arms, annoyed by your attitude.

“You know what, Bucky? Just go back to not talking.” You snapped.

“Because that was working so well.” He mumbled.

“I did not choose this, you did.” You walked closer to him now.

“How the hell is this my fault?” His voice began to gain volume.

“Bucky you wouldn’t let me breathe, you were controlling my life” You cried out to him, tears now falling without hesitation. 

“I was scared to death I was going to lose you, Y/N.” He boomed out across the room, his breath uneven.

You swallowed harshly at his words, You couldn’t look at him. You walked away again, this time he followed.

“Stop walking away from me.” He mumbled, grabbing your arm lightly.

“So what…? were you afraid of losing that blonde? did you enjoy her company?” You sneered to him, your voice sounding bitter.

“Are you honestly bringing that to this conversation?” His jaw clenched.

“How could I not, Bucky? It didn’t take you long to have someone else warm your bed.” You laughed out, dripping with sarcasm.

“Uh, guys.”

The both of you choked out a what, looking to see Sam standing behind you.

“Steve just radioed in. We’re good to go.” Sam motioned to the door.

“Good.” Bucky hissed.

“Great.” You looked to him, your voice sounded cold.

You decided it was time to take the next step, so you went to the bar. You waited about an hour, as men walked by you eyeing you slowly. You finally found a man, his name at this point didn’t matter. After a couple of drinks, the two of you made your way back to the tower. You let him kiss you, and it felt cold and unwanted on your skin. You never let him make your way to his lips, as the two of you fumbled throughout the tower. Bucky emerged from his room, to have a front row seat. The man pushed you against your bedroom door, your eyes flickered to Bucky’s. His eyes you could tell, you knew him well enough, that he wasn’t mad or jealous, he was heartbroken. As you opened your door, the two of you fumbled inside. The man smiled to you, and you placed a hand to his chest.

“You know, Im not feeling too great. I think I’ll just lay down…stay with me a while?” You smiled as best you could, and as you thought of Bucky, you began to tear up again. 

The man nodded, clearly disappointed he wasn’t getting anywhere tonight. 

An hour or so past, and the man now left. You quietly walked to the kitchen and peered at the clock. It was 4:35 am. Right on time. You sighed, walking to the pantry. Looking around to see what you could eat, you heard the familiar soft footsteps.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Bucky’s voice rasped out.

You turned to face him, he was dressed in sweats, a an old t shirt that you used to wear. You sighed, saying nothing. reaching above you trying your best to reach the cereal. Growing quickly frustrated, you hit the soft scar on your stomach, causing you to wince lightly. You became alarmed when you could smell Bucky’s scent behind you. His arm reaching effortlessly to the top shelf, bringing the box to you. You mumbled a quiet thank you, and you realized that the two of you had been closer than you had in months. You could hear his soft breathing, and you took in his scent. You stood very still, as Bucky leaned forward, God he was so close. He reached behind you to grab some kind of food. Then the both of you stood there, chests touching, breathing increasing. You felt like your skin was on fire, as your thoughts replayed the memory of the two of you in the pantry before.

“You should try and sleep.” Bucky breathed out slowly.

“I could never go back to sleep.” You laughed lightly, now leaving his personal space.

You went back to your room, letting out a large breath as soon as the door shut.

That afternoon had been hell. No one knew what you saw, but you knew how long you lingered. It was on accident, it what you kept telling yourself. You went to the training room to complete your physical therapy. You settled in, wrapping your arms in legs in medical tape. You walked past the locker rooms, steam flowing out the door. Confused, knowing that you were the only one in here at this time. You walked through, peering around the corner. Your eyes grew wide when you saw who it was, Bucky. The shower curtain was left open, and you saw everything. You swallowed hard when you saw the beads of water cascade down his body. Your eyes couldn’t turn away, they trailed across his chest, his large arms, his hips, his v line…. His thighs. You could hardly breathe at the sight him, you forgot just how much you had worshipped that body in the bedroom. You stayed there for 20 minutes, taking him in all over again. You cursed yourself mentally. You walked back into the training room, taking out your pent up frustration on the equipment. Bucky soon walked out, wiping a towel through his wet hair. 

“How is it going?” He walked to you, throwing his bag to the floor.

He walked over behind the mannequin you were punching. His head placed on the side of the equipment you lunged a kick forward, nearly hitting him.

“What the hell?” He jumped back.

“Come on Bucky, remember how we used to fight before? Come on.” You breathed out taking your stance.

He paused for a moment, before lunging to you. You blocked his hit with ease, as well as he did to your swift kick. He was holding back.

“Come on.” You kicked again, and he caught your ankle, dropping it quickly.

He went forward again, and now the two of you almost danced in combat like you did before. Extending your leg, you winced at the scar at your side. Bucky froze his movements.

“Come on” You yelled this time, and he stood still.

Your fists were lined up in formation, ready for his next blow, and he just stood there. You threw one fist upwards, only to be caught by his metal hand. With full force you threw the other fist, just to be caught again. Bucky’s weight pushed you to the wall, knocking the breath out of you. His eyes were filled with sympathy and his eyes trailed across your features.

“Im not going to fight you.” He breathed softly. 

You began to wiggle under his hold, only to be stopped by something you never thought you’d taste again. His lips pressed against yours like he hadn’t felt you in years. Your hands fell, as he bit your lower lip. You groaned out, you wanted more, you needed more. Your hands gripped tightly to his hair, as he forced you back against the wall. He broke away from your mouth, looking to your eyes.

You didn’t know exactly what was going to happen next, but you knew that it was something that you longed for the past 4 months, and 121 days.

[ivy-stjames]

I’LL TAKE CARE OF YOU → ivy + julien

WHO: @ivystjamess && @julien-schuester WHERE: the shawnee country club pool WHEN:  tuesday morning, july seventh WHAT:  ivy has a big secret and an even bigger mouth. with julien being the only other one around, she can’t help but both literally and figuratively spill her guts. 

possible tws: pregnancy mention, teen pregnancy, vomit mention.

IVY:  THE SKY WAS BURNT A SHADE OF RED THAT ONLY MEANT DAWN WAS BREAKING. if not for her sour mood, she might have enjoyed the pretty shade. tired from a long night of bickering with both julien schuester and her boyfriend, ivy st.james stood slumped and reluctant at the pools edge. she didn't often work mornings at shawnee, yet there she stood, fishing trash and leaves from the pool and preparing for a full and busy day. unfortunately for her, despite their blow out, julien stood nearby, net also in hand. usually ivy really liked work, she liked getting to spend the time with julien, but today she was giving him the full blown silent treatment. that was probably for the best though. julien just looked hungover. and ivy? well ivy was experiencing some nasty morning sickness, but from an outsider perspective, she probably seemed just as hungover as the male besides her. she worked in silence, yawning and tossing the occasional glare in julien's direction as if to silently tell him 'you missed a leaf'. the sloshing of the pool water and the back and forth morion of the net weren't doing much for the overwhelming nausea she felt. ivy felt like she could collapse at any moment. she was sweating way too much for the sun to not be fully out yet. eventually, ivy stopped fishing out any muck from the water as she struggled to get a grip. it was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on anything other than the churning in her stomach and the unmistakable salivation at the back of her throat. with a final lurch of her stomach, ivy's eyes went wide and she broke her silence with an "i'll be right back!" before letting her net sink to the bottom of the pool and sprinting off to the bathroom. Ivy didn't keep track of how long she had been gone. between the tears and the hurling and the absolute miserable attempts to comfort herself, time seemed nonexistent. while, the nausea eventually subsided, a muffled sobbing remained.  she was pregnant. there was no denying that anymore. and god did she feel scared. leaning pathetically against the wall of a stall, she froze as she heard the bathroom door creak open. frantically, she tried to wipe her tears, but by the time the stall door was opened and julien was hovering over her, it was no use. "julien i. . ." she wanted to yell, scream at him to get out and leave her alone, but she did nothing of the sorts. instead, ivy found herself breaking down into tears again and repeating, "im sorry. . ."

JULIEN:  Julien strongly disliked the opening shift at work. He was a teenage boy, so naturally he liked sleeping in. But every now and then he was unfortunately tasked with what Shawnee liked to call the ‘sun rise’ shift. This meant he had to show up extra early to make sure the pool area was clean and ready for the week ahead, especially if there were any swim meets scheduled. Usually only one person was on schedule for the shift, sometimes two. He liked it way better when he wasn’t working alone because then he at least had someone to talk to and goof around with. But Julien’s luck was clearly shot because on this particular Tuesday, his co-worker on schedule was Ivy. On a normal day, this would’ve been ideal. But after their very weird and unwarranted fight? It was kind of awkward. Julien was doing his best not to let the tension get to him, but that was hard given the fact that Ivy had decided they were fully not speaking to each other. Sure, he had said some harshish things the night before and he was paying for them today with his hangover, but this felt like an overreaction. Whatever, if she wanted to be mad, then fine. Julien connected his phone to the bluetooth pool speakers and started playing his ‘songs girls should sing to me in glee club’ playlist as he bobbed around the pool, raking the leaves out of the water. He stole the occasional glance at Ivy, but more often then not she was looking away from him or glaring. Julien was reaching a breaking point and was about to break the ice when Ivy’s eyes went wide as she dropped her skimmer into the water and bolted towards the bathroom. “What the hell, Ivy?!” Julien called out after her, groaning as he ran (breaking the #1 rule) to where she’d been standing and submerged his arm into the water to fish out the pole before the net sank to the bottom of the pool. Was her behavior concerning? Yes. But it was probably something dumb, knowing her. Plus, he’d learned his lesson about checking in on her. But then one song turned to three and then to six and Ivy still hadn’t come out of the bathroom. Okay…maybe something really was wrong. Julien tried to ignore his gut feeling, but it got to be too much to bear. With a sigh, he put his skimmer down along the edge of the pool and cautiously entered the girls bathroom. “Ivy?” he called out, bending down and looking underneath the stall doors for feet. When he caught a glimpse of someone sitting on the ground, knees hugged to their chest, his fight or flight kicked in. With a lot a worry and a little bit of physical force, Julien was able to pull open the stall door only to reveal a fallen apart Ivy on the ground. “Hey…” he sighed out, brows furrowed as he dropped to his knees next to her, “jeez, are you okay?” Julien took one glance at the contents of the toilet and quickly flushed it before he reached for the toilet paper and tore a bundle off the roll. “What are you sorry for, legs? It’s okay,” he said quietly, offering her a tiny smile as he handed her his makeshift tissue. Without thinking twice, Julien sat down and extended his legs in front of him so that Ivy was essentially sitting in between them and wrapped his arms around her. “You’re okay…” he repeated, over and over until the dust seemed to settle and then he asked, “what happened?”

IVY:  IVY COULDN'T EVEN FULLY COMPREHEND WHAT ALL SHE WAS FEELING. humiliated, horrified, heartbroken to name a few. if she could've willed julien out of the bathroom, she would've, but once the pair locked eyes it seemed to confirm julien would indeed be staying. she didn't want anyone to see her like this. she didn't want to see herself like this. pregnant and pathetically crying at her place of work wasn't really good for her image. to make matters worse, julien had to walk in and suddenly it was no longer as simple as a few little white lies to cover up the incident. through muffled sobs, ivy wiped around her mouth and uselessly tried to dry her still falling tears. everything was very rapidly becoming real and ivy wasn't sure how to handle that. she lived in a world where if she wished hard enough, she wouldn't have to come face to face with her irresponsibility, yet here she was, having to look it dead in the eyes. the vomiting sent ivy into an entirely panicked state and while she was better by the time julien found her, it was only slightly. the extent of her heaving and tears had only been seen by the likes of her older sister and that was over a year ago when emory caught her and the very boy who was now wrapping his arms around her. their nonsensical fight hardly mattered anymore. julien's arms around ivy were oddly medicinal and unashamed, she leaned into it. while it aided her pounding heart, there wasn't much she could do about the tears. still, in this frantic haze, ivy found it somewhere within herself to apologize for the arguing that had taken place less than twelve hours prior. "i'm. . . i'm sorry for like being mean in our texts. . ." she stammered only for a disgusting hiccup and sniffle combination to follow. ivy wasn't sure when the tears stopped, but they did. her head rested against julien's chest and she listened to his quick yet steady beating heart to soothe herself. the thumping coming from behind his rib cage combined with the distant music playing and the birds chirping was enough to placate ivy. she didn't dare move from her place in julien's arms as if she would get upset all over again if she so much as blinked it was all okay, julien had said so, right? "can i tell you something?" she asked in a near whimper. the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think and once she got confirmation from julien ivy instantly word vomitted, "i'm pregnant."

JULIEN:  Julien and Ivy had arguably seen each other in their most desperate states. After everything went down with Emory, they were both distraught by the situation. Julien had never felt that low before and he knew that at the time, Ivy hadn’t either. But whatever was happening now felt…immeasurably worse. With his arms wrapped around her tightly, Julien wracked his brain trying to figure out what was making Ivy crumble like this. Was she hurt? Sick? Did someone do something to her? Had it been Leo? He’d kill him if so. But Julien had no idea. He tightened his hold on her, gently rubbing the side of her arm to try and calm her down. Slowly but surely, the heaving decreased and she was able to speak, albeit not super clearly. Her stammering and stuttering was hard to follow at first, but when he realized she was trying to apologize, he just shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, I was being a drunk jerk and stuff,” he assured her, resting the side of his face against the top of her head as he held her closely. Was she crying because of their stupid fight? No, there was no way. Even though Julien knew that logically, he instantly felt guilty for being so harsh with her the day before. “I’m sorry for being so aggressive yesterday,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.” As her tears started falling again, he tried to keep his movement minimal as he reached for more toilet paper and carefully started dabbing her cheeks before deciding it was useless. He dropped the crumpled up paper into the toilet and assumed his earlier position with both arms wrapped around her. “We’re okay,” he assured her as he crossed his legs at his feet so he was essentially cradling Ivy in his lap. Time always had a way of stopping when they were together. It was like whenever Julien was in Ivy’s presence, she was his focal point and he lost track of everything else. All this to say that he wasn’t sure how long they sat on the ground together for, but eventually the crying stopped, her body stopped shaking, and his own nerves calmed. Despite whatever shitty circumstance had led them to this point, there was a weird safety he felt with her in his arms like this. Whatever she was going through, he’d help her through it however he could. That was what friends were for, right? When she croaked out her question, Julien nodded and muttered a quiet, “yeah, of course.” He was already sitting pretty still, but when she revealed what had her so worked up, he felt the weirdest sense of relief. Julien didn’t know much about teen pregnancy. Sure, he’d had a scare or two in his life, but most of those were born out of paranoia more than actual cause for concern. He’d always been safe, just like his parents and siblings had taught him. But he’d also been taught that if something ever did happen, there were options. Lots of ‘em. “I thought you were hurt,” was all Julien could think to say at first, unable to hide the sympathetic and warm smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “but that’s okay, right? I mean, everything is going to be okay.” As the situation set in, he realized it was still a big deal. He was glad that it wasn’t something worse, but still, Ivy was only sixteen. “Look at me,” he finally said, keeping one arm around her and reaching the other one up to her cheeks to gently wipe away any remnants of tears with his thumb, “I’ve got your back, okay? If you wanna just like sit here and cry and stuff, we can do that. I’ve got you.” And then he wrapped his arms around her again, not wanting to push her too far in any particular direction. He didn’t know if he was saying the right things, but he felt that if he could just communicate to her that no matter what, she would have him? Maybe things would be okay…even if it was just for a moment.

IVY: NEXT TO ELI, JULIEN WAS PROBABLY THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO WAS A NATURAL COMFORT TO IVY. and that was simply no small feat. sure, she was bold and open, but she was also sensitive. even ivy st.james had her own secrets. if they were to see the light of day, they needed to be handled with care she needed to be handled with care.  usually it was eli who did, sometimes julien, and more recently leo from time to time. with his arms around her and his cheek atop her head, she felt the safest she had since taking a those tests. that safe feeling came easily, it was innate even, like the first breath of air upon emerging from water or falling asleep after a long day. if she hadn't been so gutted, she probably would've had it in her to laugh as julien uselessly attempted to blot away her tears. as he further apologized, ivy didn't speak. she just slumped into julien even more than she had previously. while his words were appreciated, she couldn't reach deep enough within herself to reciprocate. ivy resented rory, rory resented ivy, that's how it was, but up until last night julien had nothing to say about leo, so she would bite her tongue about julien's girlfriend. it was common courtesy right? even if the thought of rory and julien's relationship made ivy's stomach flip all over again. at his 'we're okay ivy weakly repeated the words and nodded as she nestled into julien. at her confession,  ivy was expecting anger, disappointment even. but in came julien with just the right things to say and a gentle touch that made her feel like the only reason she had to be upset was for not believing she could handle this. the more and more he elaborated, the better she felt, but still, she didnt want to move from her space where she was essentially being cradled. if ivy had this situation go her way, like most things did, she would choose to stay in julien's arms. but they would have to leave eventually, keep working, but right now all that mattered was that she was okay and julien had her back. ivy no longer felt like crying, but her body felt airy, like she was trying to float away from earth and julien's grasp was the only thing keeping her there. when had they formed a bond like that? since emory things had been weird, and apart from last night, that tension had been shed. she didn't reflect on the topic long before blurting what needed to be said. "you like can't tell leo." ivy murmured. though the crying had passed, her voice was tinged with that unmistakable raspiness of a heartbroken girl. "nobody knows." she whispered, remaining still. "just you." as she added those final words, she held up a pinky and looked to julien, eyes wide, brows furrowed, and lower lip trembling like she would crumble any minute. "promise?"

JULIEN:  The day had quickly taken an insurmountably unexpected turn—and all before 9 in the morning. Ivy was pregnant. The Ivy St. James, whether she liked that namesake or not. This was a big deal and the longer Julien sat on the cold tiles of the girl’s bathroom floor with Ivy balled up in his lap, the more he understood that. What did she need right now? Support, of course. Love. Understanding. No judgment. All things Julien was pretty good at giving, no questions asked, especially to her. So he leaned back comfortably against the wall of the stall and kept his arms around her firmly. He was prepared to stay there all day if needed. Was that logical given that pretty soon they’d actually have to go back to work? No, of course not, but still. Ivy was Ivy—strong, bold, full of fire. Seeing her this broken up was unnerving and Julien wanted more than anything to take away any bad feelings she was having. He hated seeing the people he cared about like this. Julien’s playlist eventually ended, so the music that had been playing softly in the background of their intimate moment ceased and was replaced with a comfortable silence. He lost track of how long they sat there for, him holding Ivy and her leaning into him weakly as her tears dried on her cheeks. He took the quiet as a good sign—at least there was no more sobbing. It meant that she was calming down and coming back down to Earth with him. A start. Julien knew there would be a lot more to say and a lot more to figure out, but none of that needed to be handled at this exact moment. All that Ivy needed right now was to know that she had someone who was in her corner, no questions asked. He was happy to be that. When he felt her shoulders tense up again, Julien pulled back slightly to look at her. “What?” he asked when he heard her speak, at first not sure if he’d heard her correctly. And then came the rest. Nobody knows. Just you. He felt a pang in his chest when she’d said it. It wasn’t that Julien felt pressure about being the only person who knew. He was fine with that. But something wasn’t sitting well with him about Ivy not being able to tell Leo. But he wasn’t about to pry…not when she was in this state. So they’d table that discussion for a later date. When she lifted her hand and looked at him with those big, blue eyes, he nodded. “I promise,” and without any hesitation, he linked his pinky with hers and gave it a squeeze.

END

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 16

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- IF YOU WANT TO BE NOTIFIED WHEN THIS IS UPDATED, I THOUGHT I COULD START A TAG LIST SO LET ME KNOW. IF YOU’D RATHER BE NOTICED IN PRIVATE, MESSAGE ME TOO PLEASE!

- more smut to cum

- i’m having a hard time finding 2015 Niall gifs so i may add 2016 gifs instead. if you want to propose me any PLEASE message me. youll make my day!

- thank you so much for all the asks i get. you guys make me so happy. i cant even explain. thank you forever. i love you!!!

- the ending sucks? im sorry

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 16 : His chapter

NIALL

I tried to enjoy the afternoon with everyone but I couldn't pretend that I didn't mind that Liv was not there with me. After all, I decided to accept Harry's invitation this weekend to spend time with her and I was a bit annoyed that I was stuck with other people. I swam a bit but ended up mostly checking stuff on my phone and trying not to interact with people too much but I couldn't ignore them forever, especially not Maya who had tried to catch my attention all day.

I felt her sit on a chair next to me and it reminded me of when we were all around the fire a few nights ago. I could still remember her hand on my thigh and It made me swallow hard. I could feel her eyes on me and after a while, I couldn't resist and looked up, sending her a small but uncomfortable smile before looking back at my phone.

"I know you're avoiding me, Niall." she just admitted with a sigh, making me close my eyes. "I'm not sure why, though. I mean, you kissed me yesterday.. Is it wrong of me to think you may like me?"

I remained motionless for a few seconds, not really sure of what to answer her. I had no idea why I had kissed her but somehow, I regretted it. I knew doing something like that with her was going to make everything messier and that was why I had decided not to do anything in the first place. Now, it was too late and I knew blaming it on alcohol was just plain wrong, even if it was tempting.

I breathed in and turned to look at her, the expression on her face making me feel extremely guilty. Did I like Maya? No, I really didn't think so, and I was not sure why. She was physically everything I would have dreamed of, and had a great personality too, but I just didn't feel it at all. I remember wanting to shag her a few years ago but now I just didn't care. It made no sense and I didn't even want to try and understand my own feelings.

"Honestly, Maya." I sighed and shook my head slightly. "I'm just not ready for a relationship. Actually, I don't want a relationship."

I saw her face change and I could read sadness on her traits. I was a fucking asshole and also an idiot.

"I'm sorry, yesterday was just... a spur of the moment." I explained, moving my face closer to her and talking in a low and gentle tone. "Maybe I shouldn't have, but at that moment I really wanted it, but I don't think I want things to go further, you know?"

I noticed how disappointed she was and perhaps even heartbroken. I didn't know she liked me that much and it surprised me but there was nothing else I could do. I knew if I kept talking I would probably make things worse so I just reached out to grab her hand and squeezed it a bit, sending her a sad smile.

"Are you okay?"

I expected her to take her hand back but she just squeezed it too, putting her other hand over mine.

"No, I mean yes." she expressed, closing her eyes for a few seconds and chuckling low. "I mean, if you change your mind..."

I opened my lips to answer her but suddenly received a beach ball on my head, making me groan as I turned around. Gemma was laughing and Louis just shrugged as an apology, his eyes open wide. He looked amused and I just rolled my eyes.

"Clearly you suck at this game Tommo!" I yelled loud enough for him to hear when I noticed they were playing volleyball. "The girls are winning!"

"They beat us in numbers, that's why we're losing!" Liam argued, making me laugh again.

"Yea you tell yourself that, Liam!" I let out with a laugh.

"Why don't you show us your skills then, Neil?"

I hesitated a few seconds but finally got up, taking my shirt off and throwing it over my phone before running to them and joining the guys' team. We played for about an hour but lost against the girls and when we all walked back to the cars, I was exhausted. It made me realize I hadn't thought about my best friend in a while and just that simple idea made my heart skip a beat. She probably wasn't thinking about me either, most likely too busy to make out with Harry and I grimaced at that thought. I felt like i'd never be at ease with their relationship and it bugged me.

I noticed Maya decided to ride with Louis and it made me frown but at the same time, it was a relief. I didn't know how to act around her anymore and I was scared I had been a bit rough with her. After all, I did send her a few mixed signals and it was wrong of me, but it was better to be honest now than to make her believe something could happen between us.

"It's early, d'you think Harry and Liv are done doing it or should we just go grab a bite to give them more time?"

My head moved up to fast I almost heard my neck crack and I stared at Louis as he unlocked the door of his car to let people in.

"They're not... doing... anything." I pointed out with an annoyed chuckle, raising one of my shoulders up. "What are you on?"

"Oh Neil, you poor poor naive boy." Louis said with a laugh, shaking his head and putting his hand on my shoulder. "They've been postponing this shit for so long, don't you think they want to have some fun now?"

I frowned more, my eyes roaming on his face as he smiled more.

"If he touched her i'm gonna kill him." I just replied without thinking, making Louis chuckle.

"That's not really your business, Niall, is it now?"

My facial expression changed but I tried to keep the anger in. I was tired to hear that it was none of my business and that I was not allowed to protect and care for Liv. She was my best friends and that's what best friends do. I wanted to tell him to keep his opinions to himself but I swallowed my words, the feeling extremely unpleasant. Louis took a step closer and looked behind himself to make sure everyone was in the car before turning back to look in my eyes.

"If you want to be more than friends with her, you need to do it now, or it may be too late." he pointed out in a low tone, raising his eyebrows at me.

"I have no idea what the f-" I started, taking a step back, as he gripped my shoulder harder.

"Shut up." he cut me. "That little competition you've got going on with Harry? It's getting annoying, and it's about Olivia. The sooner you open your eyes the better, so we don't have to witness it anymore, okay?"

Without giving me the chance to answer, he turned around and sat in his car, closing the door roughly. I stood there for a few more seconds and finally pushed all the air out of my lungs before walking around my car and sitting behind the wheel. I would have laughed at his words if I hadn't been so fucking pissed. Everyone around me was going fucking insane, and Louis was just the worst of them all.

Maybe the way I cared about her could pass as more than friendship but they all knew how close Liv and I were and I couldn't understand why suddenly, it meant something else. Nothing had changed between us except maybe the fear of losing the other but that didn't mean we had feelings for each other.

I drove the whole way back to the lodge in silence, trying to respect the speed limits, even if I was impatient to get back there, if only to know if Louis was right. Now that he was mentioning it, they were always flirty around each other and it made something stir in my stomach. I remembered the way they danced at the club or the things they said when we played truth or dare. Why didn't I notice that before? It seemed so obvious now that that's what Harry had in mind when he asked me to spend time with Liv alone and I slapped myself mentally for being so oblivious to his intentions.

My seat belt was undone as soon as I parked the car and I quickly grabbed my stuff to walk back inside fast. I was still mad and I really didn't feel like talking with anyone so when I rushed to my room, I didn't think to knock. If catching my best friend masturbating wasn't enough, finding her naked under one of my bandmates would certainly do the trick from now on.

Liv let out a short high-pitched scream while Harry muttered a curse word, pushing his body over hers to hide her from my eyes. His reaction brought back the anger inside me and I held my breath as my eyes found Liv's. She immediately closed them as I remained motionless, facing the bed. I couldn't think of any worse scenario than this exact one.

"Niall, could you please just fucking leave?" Harry asked, glaring at me.

"You're fucking my best friend! I'm not leaving!"

The words escaped my lips and my heart skipped a beat. It didn't make any sense but at the same time, it did to me.

"We're not having sex, we were just making out." Liv explained in a soft voice, her eyes still shut tight.

"You're bloody naked!" I mentioned, my face twisting into an upset grimace. "You guys have been dating for like, two minutes!"

"That's none of your business, Niall, now leave." I heard Harry say, making me even angrier.

"You, you don't tell me what to do!" I let out meanly, taking a step closer and pointing a finger at him.

"NIALL! LEAVE!"

The room became quiet and my eyes met Olivia's as my lips parted in surprise. I let my arm fall back on my side, my heart beating hard in my chest as I tried to remember if my best friend even yelled at me before. I couldn't really blame her. I was, in fact, yelling at the guy she liked while she waited naked under him, but I was still shocked by her words. I remained motionless, just staring at her for a while, until she swallowed hard, closing her eyes again.

"Please, Nee, leave." she repeated in a low tone this time.

It took me about a minute to turn around and leave, shutting the door so hard behind myself that the frame shook slightly. I passed my hand in my hair, pulling on it hard and roughly, as I paced in the hall. I didn't know how to let go of that insanely painful and annoying feeling inside of me and I groaned low, closing my eyes hard, trying to get rid of the image of Harry on top of my best friend.

I don't know how long it took but it seemed to take forever until the door opened again. Harry stopped in front of me and we stared at each other until he shook his head a few times.

"What?" I let out a bit too loud, raising my hands up. "You're mad at me because you didn't have time to shag her?"

"I'm mad because you hurt her and she's sad." he let out slowly and in a low tone, making sure I heard every word. "I'm mad because she asked me to leave and I can't comfort her, she won't let me be there for her and yes Niall, I blame you."

He just moved past me, hitting my shoulder with his arm lightly as he left but I didn't budge.

"If you loved her, you should have told me when I asked you." he added as he reached his room. "Now it's too late."

I held my breath until I heard his door close and took a few steps, pushing on the ajar door of the room I shared with Liv. I was surprised to see her walk quickly around in the dark, wearing Harry's shirt. The sight made me cringe but I just shoved my hands on my pockets.

"What the FUCK are you doing?" I asked, my eyes following her as she grabbed stuff around the room.

"I'm leaving!" she just let out, not even looking at me.

"Leaving? From here? Or just from this room?"

She didn't answer but sniffed and that's when I noticed she was crying. I felt my heart break in my chest and most of my anger vanished. Seeing Olivia sad was the worst thing in the fucking world. I could have told her to leave. I could have told her to go see Harry if that's what she fucking wanted. But she was crying and it made me want to take her in my arms instead. She ended up on her knees, sobbing even more, and I knew that if she was shamelessly crying like that in front of me, it meant she couldn't control it. I sighed and put myself in front of her, getting on my knees too. They brushed against the carpet and I winced a bit at the pain in my left one, making me realize I shouldn't have played volleyball for so long.

"Please, petal, i'm so sorry."

Cautiously, I reached for her shoulders with both my hands, expecting her to push me away but instead, she just collapsed in my arms, her head leaning against my upper arm. I held her closer and tighter, burying my face in her hair and smelling the same thing I had noticed a few days ago. I inhaled deeply, the scent of vanilla invading me, and pressed her body against mine the best I could. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous, and I was not even sure why she was crying. All I knew is that I wanted her to stop being sad.

"I'm so sorry." I repeated just as low. "I really shouldn't have. Fuck. I don't know why I got so pissed I just.. I just don't want him to take advantage of you."

I held her close a few more minutes and she wiped her tears on my shirt, looking up in my eyes. I brought both my hands to her face and cupped her cheeks, running my thumbs under her eyes to remove what was left of her sadness. My gaze traveled on her face, noticing how heartbroken she looked, and my lips parted slightly at how close we were.

"He was... he was not. I wanted this." she murmured.

I couldn't understand myself anymore. I didn't know what was happening to me, or what I wanted. All I knew was that I was losing her and that no matter what I did, nothing seemed to go back the way it used to be.

"I don't deserve it but please, forgive me." I breathed out, watching her eyes flutter close and open again, my face still only a few inches away from hers. "I'm gonna leave you two alone now, okay? I'll let you do whatever you want without a comment and without butting in."

She closed her eyes and I felt her shake a bit, aware that she was near sobbing.

"Hey, hey, Liv..." I tried to get her attention back. "I promise. Just... look, i'm so fucking scared to lose you."

I thought i'd regret my words but as soon as they escaped my lips, I felt an incredible relief wash over me but still held my breath. I could feel my heart beat against my rib cage but her eyes opened and she shook her head lightly.

"You'll never lose me, Niall." she pointed out, swallowing hard. "I feel like you're always so close to leave. I'm scared you'll realize that I'm nothing compared to the people you hang out with and you'll just drop me."

Her voice was low and weak and her words shook me in a way I didn't expect. How could she ever think something so bad coming from me? How could she ever think so low of herself?

"If anything, you're too good for me." I whispered, running one of my thumbs on her lips. "You're my best friend and I love you, okay? I'll always love you."

Her eyes got slightly bigger when I moved closer for a few seconds but I finally moved back and licked my lips, still cupping her face.

"You understand?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as she nodded slowly. "Okay."

I loosened the grip I had on her cheeks and she sat up, closing her eyes. I felt like shit for how I was acting around her and even if I couldn't shake the bad feeling I had about Harry and her, I knew I had to keep it to myself from now on, even if it would be tough.

"Please, stay."

She didn't look at me at all. She just got up, leaving her stuff on the floor, and walked to the bed to sit on it. I got up too and sighed, biting my bottom lip as I looked at her.

"Are you hungry?" I just asked, shoving my hands in my pockets again.

"Yea, give me a few minutes, I'll dress up and meet you in the kitchen." she said after clearing her throat. I nodded and turned on my heel but stopped again when I heard her voice. "You should go talk to Harry."

I shut my eyes tight, grabbing the inside of my pockets tight as I breathed in. I knew she was right, but there was nothing I wanted less than to go talk to him. Still, I had to do it for her.

"Okay."

I closed the door behind myself and quickly walked to Harry's room, knocking on the door. It swung open after only a few seconds and when I saw his smile fall down, I realized he had hoped for Liv, and not for me.

"Harry, I just wanted to say that i'm sorry." I quickly let out, one of my hands still twisting the fabric of the inside of one of my pockets. "That won't happen again."

His face softened slightly but I could tell he was still pissed at me. We remained silent for about a minute and I just nodded a few times, turning around to leave.

"Why?"

His question made me frown and I turned around to look at him again, shrugging.

"Why what?"

"Why didn't you just tell me that you loved her?" he questioned me, taking a step closer to me and leaning against the door frame.

"Because I don't." I rolled my eyes. "What's wrong with you guys? Liv and I have always been close, it's nothing new."

"No, things have changed." he argued again. "You never cared about who she dated before."

He was right, but I couldn't tell him that I knew him and that I was scared he'd break her heart. I couldn't tell him that seeing them together gave me a wrong vibe. I couldn't tell him I felt like I'd be the one who'd have to mend the pieces of her heart after he breaks it. So I just shrugged and raised my eyebrows.

"I've always been protective of her."

"That's very close to being possessive. You should know that."

I grimaced at his accusation but swallowed a bitter remark.

"Well that's over." I just explained. "I promise this won't happen again. By the way, it's dinner. I think Louis bought food on his way back."

When I walked down the hall, I heard some whispers and everyone was sitting at the table when I entered the kitchen. It was so obvious that they all had been listening that I suddenly felt nauseous. I took a seat as everyone started taking food from the bags Louis had placed on the table. He had decided on chinese and it made me take a mental note to hit the gym as soon as this crazy weekend would be over. I realized a bit too late that I was sitting next to Maya but I decided to not overthink it.

I tried not to stare when Liv and Harry entered the room too but noticed Louis sending them a smirk. They both sat next to each other but on the other side of the table and I bit my tongue hard enough to make sure I didn't make any comment about it. Was I annoyed that my best friend wasn't sitting by my side? Yes. But after the tantrum I had just thrown, I knew I should lay really fucking low.

We all started eating but for some reason, I didn't feel like talking with anyone. I didn't add anything or even laugh when Louis made a few comments about Liv and Harry spending the whole day alone together in the house. I focused on eating what was in my plate quickly and when I was done, I brought my dishes to the counter and got out of the room, letting myself fall on one of the couches with a loud sigh.

I only had a few minutes of alone time when I realized Maya had joined me, taking a seat next to me but not close enough to touch me. I looked up at her and blinked a few times as she sent me a sorry look.

"We sort of heard." she confessed, nibbling her bottom lip as my gaze dropped to my lap.

"Yea, I sort of guessed."

"I know you just want us to be friends but I want you to know that, if you need me, I'm always here."

I felt defeated and I didn't know why. I felt a lot of things these days that I just didn't understand. Olivia and I had talked, and we both made it clear that we would never leave each other. Then why did I still feel like shit? Why did I feel like a truck had ran over my heart until it stopped beating? Why the FUCK did I feel like I had lost?

"I don't know what I want anymore, Maya." I sighed, closing my eyes and passing one of my hands in my hair.

"What does that mean?"

I stayed motionless for a few seconds and finally opened my eyes, sighing again. I shrugged and looked up before diving my gaze into hers. She was gorgeous and kind. Smart and sexy. She was literally everything i've always dreamed of.

"It means i'm not making promises, but I guess we could try. We could go on a date, maybe?"

I saw surprise light up her face and her lips parted, making me chuckle sadly. I was not sure I was doing the right thing but at this point, I was not sure of anything. Perhaps, finding myself someone to be with would make all of this easier. Maybe I wouldn't be so angry anymore when I'd see Harry with my best friend.

"If you're still interested, of course."

[cloudynames]

Nothing

hello. im back for real this time. im sorry for the long wait. ill upload new content soon. dont forget to stream superhuman and take off :,) so glad to be back everyone.

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Word Count: 1,205

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Alludes to depression and suicide

lets get it

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What is your biggest secret? Maybe you once lied to your parents about where you were going or cheated on a test before. Perhaps you accidentally broke a piece of fine china or ate the leftovers in the fridge that you knew someone was saving. Nothing entirely big that will change the path of your future. These little choices are fruitless in the grand scheme of life. The day would be over and the mistake would be forgotten.

As Hendery stares at the back of your head, he holds in a sob. He’s a terrible, terrible person and he has done a horrible thing. This whole situation, the two of you, has been a lie this entire time. He strokes your hair, watching how you nuzzle yourself into his warmth and feels nothing from it. It’s painful for him. Hendery spent countless of nights trying to convince himself that he’s in love with you but always ends up with a bottomless pit of despair.

Why? Why can’t he call in love with you? He genuinely believes you have a beautiful smile and a wonderful personality. But he just can’t connect with you. Hendery has always thought you were too good for your own kind, giving out your heart for people to harm with no regard of yourself. Maybe he doesn’t want to be another person to harm your soul.

A few years ago, he saw how heartbroken you could get. He watched you throw up over a boy and how you would carelessly hang off the rooftop railings when you were at school. You were his friend and he had no clue what to do or how to help you. Hendery only realized how terrible your mental state was when you mindlessly held the bottle of pills in your hand during a party. With the flashing lights and hot bodies, it wasn’t difficult to notice the change in the air when you left the room suddenly. The room only became liver.

It didn’t matter what was in that bottle that night. What mattered was how Hendery smacked the bottle out of your hand, took your face in his hands, whispered ‘I love you,’ and kissed you. An impulsive decision but Hendery had to give you a reason to live.

Yeah, he definitely can imagine how heartbroken you would be. After being together for almost three years, it would absolutely obliterate you. He’s tried to break up with you numerous times with different excuses. ‘I’m moving to a new city’ would only make you respond with ‘Can I come too?’ Hendery has lied and said, ‘I’m going back to school. It’ll be too difficult,’ to which you replied, ‘I’ll wait for however long you need.’

He can’t escape. He can never escape you when he’s your everything. He’s your sun, moon, and stars. He’s your beginning, present, and end. He’s your number one supporter and your biggest motivator.

But it’s a mask. Is he truly all you say he is? It’s drowning him and he can’t breathe anymore, especially how you look at him with stars in your eyes.

Ah yes, the stars. The way your eyes glimmer as you look at him during the dawn of the day to the midnight blues of the sky. He swears he could pick out stars within your eyes. Hendery could pull out constellations and lay them out for you, just so you could gasp in amazement. The thoughts makes him sick. You look at him with absolute devotion but he can only stare at you for so long before he chokes under the pressure.

He can’t recall the last time he felt anything from you. Even at the beginning of your relationship, he only went on a date to see if he felt anything. That day, you wore a pink shirt with your favorite sneakers. You also asked him to write his name on your sneakers. He did without hesitation. If he didn’t, what would you have thought? He thought it would just be a silly, meaningless teenager moment. Yet, you still wear that pair of sneakers around, especially on dates with Hendery. This action should’ve made any guy fall in love, but Hendery was at a ceasefire.

Hendery feels a tear escape and he’s quick to wipe it, careful not to sniff or you would be stirring. He often cries at night, thinking about how he could’ve avoided this eternity of pain if he just spoke up and said he wasn’t ready. Now, with you being completely devoted to him, he has nowhere to go.

The two of you are already twenty five, the ripe age of marriage. He often hears you on the phone with your mother.

“No, I don’t know when he’s going to pop the question.”

“Well, it better be soon! I’m waiting for grandchildren.”

“Just give him the time he needs. It’ll come in due time.”

The words reverberate in his head and his head pounds violently from the memory. It’s not like his parents are better.

“When are you going to marry that (y/n)? You’ve been with her for so long?”

“I don’t know, mom. Whenever I feel it’s right.”

But will it ever feel right? Will there ever be a time where Hendery holds your hand and genuinely smiles, saying, “This is it. Nothing can be better than this.”

He grabs the hand of yours and gives it a gentle squeeze. Running his thumb over your knuckles and feeling every crack and patch of skin, he lets go.

Nothing.

He knows a lot of men feel satisfied in their relationship mostly because of the sex. But as he laid with you that first night, he felt nothing. It wasn’t forced upon him or anything at all. If anything, Hendery wanted to try having intimacy. He thought it would change his perspective on the relationship between the two of you. However, there was no fire, no grumble of desire, or any Arrows of Cupid shot that night.

He just wanted to get it over with.

Hendery reaches up to his face and wipes away the streams down his cheeks. He knows he shouldn’t be crying. It shouldn’t even hurt him. If anything, it should burn you. He has been putting up lies and fake masks this entire relationship.

For three years.

1,095 days.

26,280 hours.

1,576,800 minutes.

He knows he has to end this one sided relationship, but he can’t. Hendery knows he’s killing himself being with you, but he can’t stand to break your heart. After all, Hendery is a fool for having a golden heart.

With a deep sigh, he nudges closer to you and wraps his arms around your waist. He breathes in your vanilla scent and for almost a split second, he thinks he’ll miss this. The moment disappears as soon as the thought even pops up. He’ll miss the familiarity, not this.

Hendery knows he’s worked himself up too much. He shuts his eyes for the night and rests his head on your back. This thought was for another night and it’s time to place it on the back burner once more. Maybe, he’ll try again tomorrow and face his biggest fear.