#im so scared im gonna forget the documents i need

[bojanus]

[stickrsheet]

I am on the verge of fully forgetting to submit my entire module of uni work at this rate

[oloreaa]

Why is it that writing turns into a chore to the extent I want to stop and never write again😭😭

[allforthe-gays]

kevaaron fluff

before practice aaron and kevin have a very intense stretching routine they do together. it takes them a solid 20 minutes to do every time but they refuse to practice without doing it first bc they dont want to sprain a muscle. neil complains about his legs being sore once and kevin then forces him and andrew to join them too.

pre-kevaaron stretch routines were absolute hell for andrew and neil bc they had to deal with kevin and aaron being flustered when they were watching each other do some of the stretches, or when they had to do the ones where one of them was lying on the ground and the other was pressing their leg into the air for them. andrew had never been happier that he ended his deal with aaron, bc now he could bully kevin into asking his brother out bc jesus christ he didnt want to see that much unresolved sexual tension involving his little brother.

kevin steals his dad's sams clubs card to by big multipacks of sports drinks and bulk buy healthy food. he always drags aaron with him, and theyll get churros in the food court to eat while theyre shopping. aaron complains to kevin that they dont go on enough dates and kevin goes "dude, we literally went to sams club last saturday" and aaron realizes how dumb his very pretty boyfriend is. "andrew i just realized im dating a himbo" "kevin's not a himbo he just forgets he's not straight sometimes"

aaron and kevin use hand warmers for their sore joints after practice, or will keep them in their pockets for when their hands are sore. they have the ones with adhesives to put on the inside of their clothing, and will use those on their legs when they have long classes after practice. matt walks in on kevin putting his arm down the front of aaron's pants to help him put the adhesive in the right place and is scarred for life. he sends kevin a 3 page word document titled "god i wish i were blind: a guide on how to have a healthy sex life when you have roomates who arent into voyeurism"

aaron sprains his ankle when kevin accidentally pushes him off of his bunk bed when they're making out bc he thought there was a wall behind him. kevin decided that it is too risky for him and aaron to kiss during exy season so from now on his relationship with aaron will be completely chaste until summer break. the decision lasted exactly 47 minutes, until aaron came back from his morning class.

sometimes kevin forgets that nicky is related to aaron and will start talking about how pretty he is and be offended when nicky doesn't agree with him "have you seen him stretch to get my cereal off of the top shelf? i want to have so many babies with him. dont you think he's great too?" "no lol" "fuck you, you have awful taste" "im literally his legal gaurdian" "oh, yeah."

aaron loves halloween so he 'forces' kevin to go to pumpkin patches and haunted houses with him. the twins used to work at one of the haunted houses so aaron knows all the hiding places in the building so he makes kevin hide with him to scare the actors and other people going through. they only go once, because an hour in andrew and neil show up and try to take their hiding place because they were gonna try to scare people too. aaron is horrified that his brother had the same date night idea that he had and never takes kevin to that haunted house again.

aaron makes kevin use his interview personality to get them discounts when they go out to eat. kevin and aaron are both broke college students so kevin very berdugingly will go along with aaron's plan. "babe i only have $3 for coffee but i wanted a bagel too~" "im not doing the thing" "come on you love doing it" "no i dont. im not doing it." "ok. guess ill just starve. you dont have to do the thing." "fine." "i just said you dont have to~" "im doing it. stop looking at me like that" "thanks babe i knew you loved me"

aaron is majoring in chemistry and has to take 8 different chem classes before he graduates, so kevin knows way more about chem then he needs to. aaron will take pictures of the cool reactions he gets to do in lab and send them to kevin bc kevin likes the colors. for his history major, kevin has to write a big paper so he writes about famous chemists so he can have aaron help him. aaron isnt really much help though bc theyll read about a discovery one of the chemists made and then go down a science rabbit hole and realize that kevin still doesn't know anything about the chemist.

this post is dedicated to my lovely besties with kevaaron requesties: @/lena.h.w @/kaaaaarts @abundance-ofemilys (@/aftg.bois) @allfourthefoxes @/ukumushu_the_bibliophile

[achairwithapandaonit]

the naming system of your wip document is a true wonder. love it though. now im scared, how many untitled document do you have? any you wanna speak about?

:'D i counted 11 before i hit the bottom of the page and it had to load more. i don't know what's in any of them. i'm just far too lazy to name documents, so either they get left without a name or i click on the title and it auto-fills with the first sentence i put in the doc.

a lot of the documents are just me attempting to plan fics and then forgetting about them within an hour.

i guess if there's any i want to talk about i think the mogami remnant world wip is pretty neat, though i haven't done much more than plan and write a few parts that i wasn't happy with.

i've talked about it before in eeby deeby but in case anyone's interested it's a mob psycho au where the world that mogami made sort of gets left behind or becomes it's own thing.

“Everything leaves it’s mark. Nothing can be completely wiped away. And that’s what this is - the remnants of something that once was.”

is something i wrote for it. just a little sentence. that i think sort of describes the au.

gonna put the rest below the cut cause i really like this fic and am now gonna talk about it non-stop

the world that exists doesn't make complete sense. there are blanks that characters don't understand. why does mob live alone without a parent or a guardian? why was mob so unnoticeable to people like mezato or his other classmates who don't bully him at first?

the fic starts from the LOL cult arc, and mezato is really confused by this. and it sort of gets answered in the fact that they're real now - this world is real - but it wasn't always real. as time goes on the world builds itself into something with more sense, but at first those blanks are just blanks.

mob and ritsu become acquainted through circumstances, and through that acquaintance the blanks need to be filled in more fully. they weren't brothers when the world was made, but now suddenly (that ritsu's parents have seen his friend) mob is ritsu's brother who he's never heard about, who his parents gave away when he was young. even they don't know why they did that, because it doesn't make sense and can't make sense.

it's not something mob knows in this au for a long time, but ritsu becomes aware of it around when his parents do and his arc in the au really centres around his anger at them giving mob up. as well as jealousy at him seeing other people becoming closer to his brother when he has no idea how to actually do that himself.

reigen also gets wrapped into things pretty quickly. i'm not sure yet what his character arc will be, but he's a PI in this universe and happened to also be there at the LOL cult arc. it takes a while for him to actually meet mob again but he and mezato end up being people that mob is close to pretty quickly. and mob slowly starts living with reigen.

mob's own character arc comes from the fact that he suddenly has psychic powers. he's been alone for his whole life and suffered a lot, especially lately. he ends up lashing out against asagiri as his own choice. i guess he starts out with his character going in a bit of a darker route because he suddenly has the power to protect himself and no one protecting him in his life, but he learns to care and feel properly again later on. i guess it's not wrong of him to lash out as asagiri, but later on his own perspective of it changes when he decides he doesn't want to hurt people, especially because he really injured her.

there's also gonna be a sub-plot somewhere with mob and ritsu's parents and connecting as a family again? tho i think that would probably come later to the end of the fic, after the conclusion that the world doesn't make sense for a reason and that their parents didn't really make that choice to give mob up.

and hanazawa + the body improvement club + tome and her club + onigawara are all people i want to include in some way.

this whole thing is basically so fleshed out in my head but it's so hard to write that i attempted it once and then forgot about it in amongst my looming deadlines. i'll definitely have to write it one day tho.

[izur-x]

Vampire nagito 🛐🛐🛐

Can i?

Pairing: one and only nagito/reader‼️

(p) : pronouns :}

Au: vampire

Tw.blood , Anxiety , wounds

A rumors going around from kingdom to kingdom that a vampire lurking around, everyone is not allowed to wondering around at night, whatever the reasons is a no.

(y/n) has something really important that night, (p) has to complete it immediately, (p) always busy, never really cares about (p) health, it's surprising that (p) all healthy.

(y/n) grab (p) long (f/c) cloak and all the important documents, not bothering to bring a self defense. "Alright, that's all i need to bring, and now i need to head to mikan house." (Y/n) exit and lock (p) house, pull out the lantern and cover up (p) face with (f/c) hood from the cloak.

(y/n) begin (p) journey to mikan's house. (y/n) has to enter the forest in order to mikan's village's, as (p) enter the forest and ignoring all the red flag, (p) doesn't know that there's a sign that says "do not enter at night, vampire are lurking around in here!" It's dark, even with a lantern (y/n) still doesn't notice it.

(y/n) keep walking, and then (p) heard some noises from behind, coming from the bushes, (p) look behind (p), but doesn't see anyone or an animals, (y/n) felt anxiety building up inside (p).

'its probably a squirrel...' trying to get rid of the anxiety, (p) continue walking and keep hearing the same noises from behind (p). (Y/n) looked behind again, and see nothing, (y/n) feels something infront of (p).

(y/n) slowly move (p) head and sees a person infront of (p), a white fluffy hair, with gray greenish eyes, he look pale. (Y/n) face and marshmello haired are close, (y/n) can feel his hot breath on (p).

(y/n) backed up a little "a-ah! Sorry...i never seen such a pretty/handsome face in awhile.." he begin to rub the back of his neck, 'in awhile? Don't tell me-' (p) slowly backing up, "ah...i see that you already figured it out that i am a vampire...but! I promise i will not taking your blood!' "i am not that naive..."

He begins to chuckle "figures! No one is gonna trust someone trash like me! Plus im a vampire~" (y/n) confused, (p) don't know why feels pity for him, "oh yeah i forget to Introduce myself..my name is nagito komaeda! Nice to meet you!"

"(y/n) (l/n).." "well (l/n), what are you doing at this hours, you shouldn't be lurking around at night..plus! You didn't bring any self-defense!" "I have something important." He give (p) low hummed as an answer, kinda make (y/n) knees weak.

"it's dangerous for a human to go alone at night... allowed a trash like me to company's you!" (Y/n) looked at the marshmello boy infront of (p). (P) mind become blank for a second and then come back to earth by nagito holding (p) hands.

"let's go!" Nagito begin to walk while (y/n) dumbfound 'wait..when did i agree...' (p) doesn't asked him and continue walked, somewhat (y/n) feel save around nagito, because nagito gained (y/n) trust, (p) begin to move closer to him for double protection.

He just laugh and say nothing, (y/n) felt his hands are cold, 'ah.. it's obvious.. he's a vampire, of course his hands feels cold..' (y/n) look at the hands "hm? What's wrong? Oh! Are you uncomfortable by me holding your ha-" "no komaeda, just wondering."

"oh..okay!" It's strange that they has been walking for awhile now, and still haven't reach the village, and plus (y/n) lantern almost die, (p) begin to move closer but this time, (y/n) grab nagito clothes, "are you scare- wait no, it's obvious that you are scared."

(y/n) look up to him and seeing his shining gray greenish orbs, nagito left hands move up to (y/n) hood and remove is from (p), exposing (p) face, "komaeda?", He didn't say anything and begin to caressing (y/n) heads and move to (p) cheeks, he look at (y/n) (e/c) orbs.

And snapped out "a-ah! Sorry! I shouldn't touch you..b-but i couldn't ha-handle it.." ,(y/n) tilted (p) head 'ahh.....(p) so cute...' "Komaeda, are you okay?" (Y/n) wanting to touch him but he flinch making (p) to backing up (p) hands back.

"im sorry.." "it's okay, you shouldn't care about me.." standing awkwardly in the silent, "h-hey l/n can i show you something?" Nagito cutting the awkward atmosphere, "yeah sure, besides it's been four hours we've been walking, maybe a break will be great..."

Nagito face light up "alright! Here i will shows you something!" Nagito grab (y/n) hands and begin to drag (p).

When they arrive, they both greet by flowers field, a hill and a single tree in the top of the hill, "woah...." (Y/n) look at serounding, nagito hands off (y/n) hands and begin to walk in top if the hill.

(y/n) followed nagito, it's bright so there is no need to use lantern, "so this is the place that you want to show me, it's beautiful..." Nagito nodded "i always come to this place, it make me not lonely as a vampire, and now that you here! Making the atmosphere even greater.."

"ah! I shouldn't rant, anyway. We can take a break here." "Alright." They both sit on top of the hill stargazing.

Something came up onto (y/n) mind "hey komaeda, can i ask you something?" "Yeah sure, go ahead." "You're a vampire, right? Did you get burn when it's day time?" Nagito laughing, (y/n) confused why is he laughing..

"no no! It just a myth, but day time makes vampire weak, that's why we don't lurking around at day time!" (Y/n) eye's widened, truly unbelievable, a new facts about vampires.

"oh yeah! Vampire's drink blood...right?" Red flag. 'huh...?' suddenly (y/n) couldn't move, (p) want to move (p) body but refused to. (Y/n) look at nagito looking at (p) intensely.

"hey..." (Y/n) whole body flinching, nagito hands made their way to (y/n) cheeks and pulling (p) closer. Red flag 'what is he doing....' nagito became to pull (y/n) body closer, holding (p) waist while the other one holding (p) cheeks.

Nagito begin to whisper into (y/n) ears "you already know the answer, right....?" Nagito kissed (p) neck. (Y/n) still couldn't move, "heh..it's been awhile since the last time i drink a human blood..."

Nagito gently move (y/n) to his lap and placing his face at (p) neck. He didn't bite (p) neck, nagito begin to hug (y/n) tightly "im sorry.."

(y/n) finally can move"h-hey, komaeda.. it's okay, i can't comfort someone, sorry.." (p) begin to caressing his messy white hairs, "you probably disgusted by me now, but.. i couldn't handle it anymore..(y/n)..."

"yes komaeda?"

"can i...

Drink your blood a little?"

Silent, (y/n) was blank "haha! I already know it, why would a human give their blood on a vampire." Nagito look up and rest his head onto (y/n) shoulder.

"huh? What did you say again?"

...

"uhm.. komaeda? Can you repeat wh-" the pain (y/n) making (p) grip nagito "h-hah- ko-komae-da-" (y/n) trying to talked but the pain from (p) neck not letting (p) to.

Nagito keep sucking (y/n) blood from (p) neck, (y/n) starting to feel dizzy, as nagito done, he lick fresh wound that he make, "(y/n)?" Nagito look at (p), "are you okay?" "I feel weak..." (Y/n) sounded like (p) whispering, "..." Nagito begin to caressing (p) (h/l) (h/c) and playing (p) head into his shoulder.

Kissed onto (p) head and whisper into (y/n) ears saying: "im sorry..i still can't believe i did that without your permission..please take a rest, i will protect you, I promise." That words is comforting for (y/n) and slowly fell asleep.

Widjdjejdhddnjd vampire nagito

[juvinile]

🍷😳💋😱✨😡😬😢😁💕 STARTS A MOSHPIT SUDDENLY

send  🍷  for  a  drunk  text  from  my  muse   @ NYLA 

sean [ 9:59pm ]  baby youre a firework 

sean [ 10:00pm ] cmon make ur colosrs burst!

sean [ 10:01pm ] make em go oooo oooo ooh 

sean [ 10:02pm ]  gonna leave em going ooh oh hohh 

sean [ 10:03pm ]  reminds me of you i think :) 

send  😳  for  an  embarrassing  text  from  my  muse   @ MAGDA 

sean [ 4:42pm ]  dont laugh so help me god magda dont laugh 

sean [ 4:43pm ]  im locked in my fucking bathroom no ones home sloane and fia arent answering their phones 

sean [ 4:44pm ]  i’ve never needed you more than i need you in this moment. kind of sweet of me to say 

sean [ 4:50pm ]  im not wearing pants so please close your eyes 

send  💋  for  a  flirty  text  from  my  muse   @ ZIGGY

sloane [ 7:20pm ]  [vid. ziggy skate trick]

sloane [ 7:21pm ]  sending u this like u asked

sloane [ 7:22pm ]  can i post that on my instagram is that too weird

sloane [ 7:23pm ]  u just look sick in it i want to document this moment 

sloane [ 7:24pm ]  kind of hot i dont say this lightly 

send  😱  for  a  scared  text  from  my  muse   @ BRADLEY 

sean [ 3:06pm ]  texting you kind of makes my heart race not in a fun way

sean [ 3:07pm ]  i feel like youre going to hack my phone and leak every video i have of me doing weird shit to the internet 

sean [ 3:09pm ]  please dont do that im just a boy just a skater boy avril lavgine 

send  ✨  for  a  random  text  from  my  muse   @ CRICKET 

sloane [ 6:00pm ]  https://open.spotify.com/track/0G21yYKMZoHa30cYVi1iA8?si=xkoHRdSlSf64z5XAIzEYUA 

sloane [ 6:00pm ]  karaoke night inspiration i want to see it appease me bug man 

send  😡  for  an  angry  text  from  my  muse  @ ZIGGY

sean [ 9:09pm ]  sloanes crying. at least i think she is. 

sean [ 9:10pm ]  her and fi wont let me in their room theres a no boys allowed sign up 

sean [ 9:11pm ]  what did you do man??? 

send  😬  for  a  worried  text  from  my  muse  @ MAGDA

sloane [ 7:08pm ]  are these shrooms weird for u 

sloane [ 7:10pm ]  i cant feel my tongue....... 

sloane [ 7:11pm ]  wait thats normal isnt it 

sloane [ 7:11pm ]  .... 

sloane [ 7:12pm ]  way less fun doing this wo u maybe we could meet up half way or something fuck around n the woods idk 

send  😢  for  a  sad  text  from  my  muse  @ ZIGGY 

sloane [ 10:50pm ]  do u ever feel like ur doomed to become ur parents

sloane [ 10:51pm ]  i think i take after my dad

sloane [ 10:52pm ]  dont know why im sending u this just feel like. u understand

sloane [ unsent ]  ur not like ur dad. im not trying to say that. 

sloane [ 10:54pm ]  forget i said anything 

send  😁  for  a  happy  text  from  my  muse  @ CRICKET 

sean [ 2:08am ]  CRICKET

sean [ 2:08am ]  CRICKET 

sean [ 2:08am ]  CRICKET 

sean [ 2:09am ]  hi cricket :) jsut telling u ur handsome 

sean [ 2:09am ]  come drunk with us!  [img. selfie of sean and friends]

send  💕  for  a  loving  text  from  my  muse  @ MAGDA

sloane [ 3:39pm ]  what the fuck u look so fucking hot in that post 

sloane [ 3:40pm ]  im so lucky i get to stare at u every day 

sloane [ 3:41pm ]  :) 

[authorized-trash]

To Tie a Knot: Chapter 4: That Moment When Fate Ships You With Four Other People

Ao3

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Five

Content Warnings: Mentioned character death, vomit mention, self deprecation, panic attack, cursing, (tell me if there's more)

Chapter Summary:

That moment when you need to find yet another boyfriend to add to your collection, *sigh*.

Word Count:

2,500+

Note:

I was hit with inspiration for some reason, so here’s this chapter, and the next one will be up in a little bit, I just got to format it for tumblr. Sorry its been awhile, this story is kinda just, I update whenever my mind decides to. 

Everyone over on Ao3 has taken well to this chapter and the next chapter, so I hope you all do too!

(Incase you were wondering, i changed up the chapter titles, i got tired of trying to come up with different alliterate phrases, so im just gonna be dumb with the titles as;ldfkj)

- -

Damian hadn’t even noticed when he slumped to his knees. Tears dripped from his cheeks and landed onto his outstretched palm. Remy’s eyes widened and he quickly moved to get on Damian’s level.

“Dee? You okay there? Did you not know?” He asked, gently taking Damian’s trembling hands in his own. Damian let him, too shocked to take them back.

“N-no? What? How am I supposed to deal with four Remy, I already lost one I can’t- I can’t lose four!” Damian said, staring blankly at his hands, at the strings he was now aware of. He could feel them tug and twitch as his soulmates moved. They were all pretty close to one another, stretching in the same direction. Figures, they had probably met up by now. 

Damian was the outcast.

“You aren’t going to lose them,” Remy said, an edge to his voice, “Damian you won’t lose them, you were jus- just unlucky the first time, babes, I promise. This time will be better.”

“No Remy you don’t understand, they’re paired with me, they’ll die, I’m bad luck or something-”

“Damian Janus Lyer, don’t. Don’t say that. You’re not. I know you, this isn’t you, you’re just tired and not thinking clearly. This is a good thing. You aren’t bad luck. You aren’t, and babes, if I hear you say that one more time I’m going to throw some punches,” Remy said. Damian gave a watery chuckle, and Remy smirked.

“Listen, you are in no state to go in there right now. Why don’t we ditch for a little while and go get some food or somethin’”

Damian nodded, moving to stand. He dusted himself off. He looked down at his strings. The four colors were all lovely, red, blue, indigo, and purple. The colors were deep and ethereal in a magicky sort of way. 

Without thinking he strummed a finger across them, and startled when three out of the four tugged back. The last one, purple, started vibrating in a way that one would think meant the person on the other side was running their finger across the line.

More tears gathered in Damian’s eyes. He was connected with these people. They were his soulmates. They were there, on the other side, waiting. The thought of them being disappointed weighed heavy, but in this small moment he could only think of the opportunity that was given to him.

Remy watched this with a small smile, ruffling Damian’s hair as they began to walk off campus to his car.

Damian followed, hurriedly wiping the tears from his eyes and smoothing his hair down.

“Listen, babes, you pick where we eat, and I’ll pay.”

Damian shrugged, “Thanks.”

“What? No arguing that you’ll pay this time?”

Damian rolled his eyes, “You offered and I’m too emotionally confused to argue.” 

His voice was thick with tears and still wobbled every once in a while, but he had managed to compose himself well enough by now. He slid into the car seat next to Remy.

He made a point not to touch the strings, not wanting them to move. He didn’t want to seem needy or something. He relaxed fractionally, attempting to gaige some personality from the strings. Indigo (Or was it navy? It was rather dark, nearly black. It was decidedly not black when reflecting light), was shaking around as if someone was writing with that hand. Red was pretty still, expect for a few swoopy movements, as if the person was flailing their arms around. Purple was shaking slightly but otherwise not moving, and blue was fluttering around like crazy, and Damian was certain the person was messing with their string.

For a moment he wondered what his string looked like to them. He hoped it was yellow, maybe gold. He liked those colors. Green would also be nice, but he doubted that was the color, seeing as his last soul string was gre-

Damian’s breath hitched, and that feeling of loss hit him hard, and he clenched his hands into fists. Remy glanced over at him, but didn’t comment.

He was so caught up in this new soulmate business he had forgotten he had already had one. One he had lost. The string he had grown up with, the one he had talked about with friends in grade school. The one that appeared on his fragile little hands when he was born. The part of his soul that he grew to know.

The one he knew would shake wildly sometimes, or tug painfully at others. The one he would console with gentle strokes late at night when he would wake up to it trembling. The one that would do the same for him, that had always been a comfortable weight throughout his recovery as a kid.

He would never meet the other end. Never know who it was. 

They could have died suddenly or painfully, and here they were, forgotten by their soulmate a month later due to the reassigning. Damian was so ready to forget them, and the guilt of that was weighing on him so hard he wanted to vomit.

He pulled his knees to his chest and tried to steady his breathing, ignoring the light feeling of the dangling frayed string on his hand. 

He closed his eyes and lied to himself about how bad it hurt.

-

“It is a very lovely shade of yellow,” Roman commented from where he was laying on the couch. He was looking up towards the ceiling, his hand containing his string collection in front of his face as he examined the sun colored string as it swung with the others.

“It reminds me of a sunflower when hit by the sun juuusst right,” Patton said, curled up on Roman’s chest. He was also looking at Roman’s hand, messing with his own strings absentmindedly. 

Logan was sitting in the arm chair across the room, having stayed home. They all had decided to take the day off of responsibilities, this was a large occasion, after all. He had a notepad on his lap and was writing down everything he could about the situation. He had a knack for writing information about anything and everything down. He liked to be well documented.

Virgil was curled up on the floor, scrolling through Tumblr in the way he does when he’s thinking, and not reading a single thing. If it looked like art and was colorful, he reblogged it without thinking. He was more focused on the way the new string on his hand looked as he occasionally typed.

They all sat around in domestic silence, preparing for the long talk they were going to have to have soon. 

They all noticed it, despite no one saying it aloud. That feeling of something missing. They grew up with it, but had by now gotten so used to that feeling of wholeness. Now that it was gone, so suddenly? They didn’t know how to feel about it, really. It’s easy to lose something you didn’t get a chance to know or experience, but getting a taste of something amazing to have it disappear was near torture.

“I think it appears to resemble the yellow paint Roman likes to get all of the carpet,” Logan said, lips upturning slightly at Roman’s upfronted sound.

“Nah, it def’ looks like… I don’t know, snakey,” Virgil said.

“Snakey?” Roman asked, laughing slightly, “What about the color looks like a slithering reptile?”

“Uh, snakes equal yellow, duh? Same as seven being green,” Virgil rolled his eyes as if it were obvious.

Patton laughed, “Kiddo, seven is pink.”

“Seven is seven? It cannot be either pink or green, it is a number,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“Just let them be weird, Specs, with their weird color assigning,” Roman laughed, sitting up. Patton yelped as he slid off the couch.

“Listen, I’m just saying its snake yellow,” Virgil said, “But if you wann-”

Virgil was caught off as a particularly hard twinge came from the yellow string. He looked around at the others, and noticed they had felt it too. Up until this point the string was pretty chill, if a little shaky. Logan had suggested earlier it was due to shock.

As crazy as gaining a new string out of the blue was a wild, gaining four strings must have been insane. Virgil pitied the poor person, it probably scared the shit out of them.

Without thinking, he reached forward and ran his index finger over the string a few times, showing that he was here.

“This is so exciting! We have another soulmate to hunt down!” He waved his arms around animatedly. He looked as if the idea had just clicked for him.

There was a whole other person out there waiting for them, someone who would fit into their little dynamic. Someone with likes and dislikes and quirks and feelings, a whole human being.

Virgil felt himself smiling along with the others. Logan had gone back to scribbling on his notepad, even faster this time. Patton was chatting with Roman about the possibilities while rolling the string around in his fingers.

Virgil curled into the warmth of his hoodie, and for once, allowed himself to look forward to the unknown future.

-

By the time Damian had gotten home late that night, he was exhausted. He collapsed onto his bed in a pile of limbs, kicking his shoes off and snuggling into the covers. He didn’t bother with his shirt other than unbuttoning the top couple of buttons, and he had long since ditched his gloves. They were currently somewhere buried in his bag.

He and Remy had loitered around town for a while, talking about anything and everything. Damian had really tried to be in high spirits and give his usual sarcasm, but he just wasn’t feeling it. 

His eyes drifted shut, and the beginnings of a dream had already begun to swirl, sounds and nonsense conversations were supplied to his mind, and he let his mind wander as it drifted into resting mode.

That is, until he felt a tug on his ring finger.

 He opened his eyes a bit, glancing down at his hand, at the indigo string.

Tug.

His eyes opened, he was paying attention now.

Tug tug tug tug. Tug. Tug pull tug tug. Tug pull tug tug. Pull pull pull.

Damian moved to sit up, but found the effort to be too much. He decided, through the hazy-slow process that was thinking when half asleep, that this was a matter of importance, and therefore should happen in the morning. So he fell back asleep without paying it too much mind.

-

Logan sighed heavily as he stood from his chair, giving up on tapping out a message to their new soulmate. During their talk earlier the group had decided that it would be a good idea to try and meet this person as soon as possible, in order to diminish the time they felt incomplete.

It shouldn’t be too difficult. They could all drive, and all felt like the soulmate had to be relatively close. Reassignments normally happened to people who are near each other. The farthest recorded reassigned soulmates were four states away from each other. Almost everyone else was within the same state at least.

Logan had proposed morse code, the same way he and Patton had found each other, and the way they would occasionally send stupidly sappy quotes to one another on occasion. It must have been too late because the person wasn’t answering. He would have to try again sometimes tomorrow.

He heard a soft knock on his office door, and a few hushed whispers from somewhere farther in their shared house.

“Yes?” He called through the door, looking over as it slowly opened. It was only a little past midnight, but he still felt it to be inappropriate to talk any louder.

“Hey Lo? Me and the other two were wondering if you could join us in the kitchen to talk… again,” Patton said softly, leaning against the doorframe.

“The others and I,” Logan corrected, but nodded as he stood up, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. My sleeping schedule is probably messed up at this point anyway.”

Patton smiled fondly, and turned to lead Logan back to the kitchen. Virgil and Roman were sitting across from each other at the table, bickering about something under their voices.

They both looked up when Logan walked in,

“Okay, so, now that we’re all here,” Patton started, clasping his hands together as he sat down. Logan pulled up a chair, spinning it so it was backwards. He loathed to sit in chairs normally, both he and Virgil seemed to share that small quirk. Roman simply splayed himself out on the nearest surface, and Patton tended to sit criss-cross on the floor more often than a chair.

Logan shook his head to snap himself out of his wandering thoughts, focusing back onto Patton.

“We’ve come to a decision, Logan, and I’m sorry you weren’t here a little earlier, but we didn’t want to bother your work.” Logan nodded, not at all perturbed by being left out of the conversation. In fact, he was happy they left him to his own devices for awhile. It’s not like he was out of the loop, they were having the conversation for a reason.

“And?” He asked, quirking his head to the side.

“-And we’ve come to the conclusion-”

“Patton, please stop sounding so serious, it’s unnerving, that’s Logan’s thing,” Virgil cut in, rolling his eyes fondly.

Patton snickered, but continued, “We think it would be best if you were the one to go find our new soulmate. Like you said earlier, meeting all of us at once might be too much for them, and you’re one the… er… easier of us to handle.”

“Roman would probably serenade them the moment he saw them,” Virgil teased, elbowing said soulmate.

“Excuse you, you’d scare them off with all that,” Roman gestured to Virgil’s outfit, “Edge.”

“I see. So when should I leave? I’ll have to call off work and do extra to catch up in my classes.”

“Sometime tomorrow would be good, Lo. I’m hoping to meet them by the end of the week. I really do think they’re close, if not in town.”

“I agree,” Roman nodded, and Virgil shifted and did so as well.

“Very well. I’ll leave around noon, then. I planned on continuing with the messages until I manage to get an answer, Perhaps they’ll tell me where they are. It shouldn’t be much harder than that.”

“Yeah! That sounds awesome,” Patton smiled, then suddenly squealed and flapped his hands, “Ooh I’m just so excited to meet them, my goodness-”

“I wonder what they will be like, I don’t think I could stand another emo in the group,” Roman joked, and Virgil swatted at them.

“Listen here Princey, you like my emo. Besides, your eyeliner was a hot mess before I showed you how to properly apply it, so you better thank this emo,” Virgil snapped playfully.

Logan watched them with a soft expression, standing up and stretching.

“We should all get some rest, then. Big day tomorrow,” Logan said, walking towards their room. The others nodded and moved to stand.

Big day, indeed.

-

-

Taglist in reblog

[heanv]

Sunflower | Haechan

 genre: college!au,relationship

warning: the d word mentioned(?)

word count:2.1k

requested by: @ hyuckysunflower

song: sunflower by rex orange  country

Everybody meets their soulmates no matter when but eventually this happens. You had your luck to find yours in the second year of high school. You knew he was the one, you truly felt it.

/I want to know,Where I can go/

You knew Haechan since you were six or seven years old. He always somehow ended up playing with you on the playground and your houses are really close to each other you both were literally like siblings. You made your own courts pretending to be a kingdom where he was the king and you were his queen. He was the one who taught you how to ride your bike and the one who would buy you an ice popsicle in the hot summer days. You loved each other back then and you still loved each other but this love grew stronger with the years and eventually became a real love with a strong bond. You remember how nervous he was when he first asked you on a date and then your first shared kiss only a month later when he took you to the rooftop of his house and told you he loved you.

/So won't you stay for a moment,So I can say/

Now two years later ,happier than ever you guys are planning your future and everything seems perfect. You and him will attend the local university then after you both graduate you will spend a year of travelling around the world and when you came back he would propose to you and the little cozy wedding you both dreamt for will be held in the back of Haechan’s house since it was bigger than yours and after that you both will find jobs and a small family house  and eventually have kids and live happily,

/Cause right now you know that nothing here's new,And I'm obsessed with you/

But not everything may not happen the way you guys want it.

You were accepted in the local college and so was Haechan. Some days before the official day for applying the documents for the college ,Haechan received an interesting email. Since the local college wasn’t the only school you applied for ,knowing that you don’t really need something else you picked some schools near the town Haechan also but there was one school he secretly applied for thinking it was impossible to choose him because it was a college for music and art and beside the grades they wanted a photo of painting or a video of singing or playing an instrument. You knew how much your boyfriend loved singing and music but you didn’t  know much he wanted to study there but he didn’t mind giving up his dreams for you.

So when Haechan opened the email that said he was accepted in the music college he was on cloud nine.

‘’oh my god’’ he whispered to himself. He knew how hard is entering a school like this and he had to reread the email more than 5 times until he was sure that what he sees was right.

Then it hit him like a sharp slap from the reality. What about you? What about the perfect plan of yours for the future? Will you hate him if he decides to go into the music college? And the worst will you two break up? All of the questions popped into his head and didn’t leave him alone for the whole night.

/ Then I fell to the ground/

In the morning he already knew that he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to study in his dream college but the guiltiness was eating him alive. How was he supposed to tell you? So he decided to make the dumbest decision in his life- to start slowly avoiding you so you could forget him easily. It hurt him so much to ignore all of your calls and all of your messages you sent because you were confused what was going on.

/ I don't wanna see you cry,you don't have to feel this emptiness/

He hated himself so much and he didn’t leave his house for the following day and lived as if he was in a cave until his bestfriend Mark came on the morning of the third day. He knocked on Haechan’s door and after a minute of waiting the door was slightly opened enough for Haechan to see if it was his girlfriend.

‘’Man, whats going on?’Y/n is going crazy, why don’t you pick up her calls or answer her texts?’’

‘’I cant’’ said the other boy not having enough courage to look at his friend’s eyes.

‘’What? What happened,dude?’’  Mark sat next to him on the bed.

‘’I got accepted at the college of music and arts’’ Haechan mumbled,still not looking up.

‘’Oh my God, that’s fantastic! Congrats,man!’’ Mark hugged his friend with a big smile.

‘’Yeah it’s nice but the college is 5 hours away and me and y/n were supposed to study here. How am I supposed to tell her that we have to break up because of me ?”

‘’Whoa,whoa ,man,hold up. Who says that you guys should break up? You love each other so much its getting annoying and beside that y/n is good enough to understand you, you know this ,right?

‘’Do you think she would hate me?”

‘’No,no way, maybe she would be a little upset but its okay but I really think she would support you.’’

“you think so?” haechan finally decided to look up.

“ i know it,just talk to her,ok?”

“yeah,i must talk to her” he whispred to himself.

Haechan thought of a different ways to tell you and it took him one more day of ignorirng you. He felt even mote guilty but he just wanted to show you how much he wanted to study there.So in the end he texted you.

“Hi,love.Sorry for being a dick just got something really important i want to tell you about and i just really needed time to think about it and i can tell you everything if you come tonight at my place and once again im so sorry, i love you”

He knew that you were mad by the way you answered.

“ok”

at least you answered.

/'Cause I don't wanna feel like I'm not me/

Haechan felt really bad for ignoring you so he prepared something special.He made a picnic with candles on the floor on his balcony.When the doorbell rang he was trying to calm himself because the guilt was choking him.When he opened the door he was greeted by the cold look on your face making his pain twice bigger in the spur of the moment.

“Hey” was the only thing he could mummble in this uncorfomtable moment.

“Hi” you whispered feelingless although a little piece of insecurity could be seen in your eyes.

/Sunflower still grows at night/

You followed him to his room, the whole air filled with tense silence and when he closed the door of his room he stopped finally meeting your eyes now realising that are filled with a pure sadness.

“What happened,baby? You dont love me anymore?” you whispered silently but enough for him to hear and enough for his heart to break.You let your tears quietly fall on your face and when your boyfriend saw this he immediately embrased you in his arms.

“No,baby, how could you think about this? I love you too much, i’d rather die instead of leaving you” he whispered his hand gently playing with your hair and the other holding you even tighter.

/You know you need to get yourself to sleep,And dream a dream of you and I/

You sob for a minute more and then you look up to him.

“Then what’s the matter? What happened?” you stared in your boyfriend’s dark endless eyes as if you would find the answer in them.Still holding onto each other he takes your hand and leades you to the balcony. You gasp at the beautiful sight of what he has prepared for you.

“This is the least thing I could do for you after everything” he said as if he just read what you were thinking.

You both sat on the blanket on the floor ,feeling the warm wave of the candles as if it was hugging you.

“So i guess i will finally have to tell you”

/I promise I'm the one for you/

You nodded singlnaling him you are ready to listen carefully. “You know how much I love music,right? And you know how we are supposed to go to the local college but 3 days ago i received an email which said that...” he paused for a second and took a deep breath “ i am accepted in the college for art and music” he looked at you,taking another deep breath “the one i told you about some months ago”.

You just stared at him.No reaction,no word came out of you and he took this as a sign to continue.

“ i know how it sounds but this is college where is really hard to get in and when i applied was something like a back-up plan because i didnt think they would choose someone like me but it looks that they have” he chuckled to himself not daring to look at your eyes that was burning holes through him. “ y/n i know we had a plan and ruining it wasnt something i was looking forward to at all but i hope you can understand what a chance this is for me. i love you so much and the thought of having you 5 hours away from me kills every single part of me and i-“

“i love you haechan” you intereppted him.” i love you so much and i know how much music means for you and i cant tell how much proud i am from you because i do how hard is getting into a colleges like this one and-”

/Just let me hold you in these arms tonight/

its your turn to pause.

“ i wont mind if you go there and study” haechan looked at you with widened eyes ready to pop off their place “ i know its gonna be hard and i know that i will not be able to see you everytime i want to but i guess that this could be a challenge for us, like we live near each other, we went to the middle and highschool together and having you apart could only either make our relationship stronger or either we will end up breaking up” you both looked at each other seriously “i think that we are not kids anymore and we have to act like grown up people” your boyfriend nodded, staring at the empty wall probably dived in the mess in his head “ look i love you way too much and i know that you love me too so the thing is that i dont want us to break up just because we are scared of how the things will turn out” you pause reaching for haechan’s hand and hold it tightly and he responds to your touch in the same way.

/And so she sat me down and told me that I didn't have to cry/

“i cant believe how smart you are,y/n, you may be proud of me but right now im prouder of you and i feel that the connection between us is stronger than some 5 hours” you both smile warmly at each other still holding hands.

although you couldnt explain how much happy and proud of your boyfriend you were you felt a wave of sadness washing over you and it seemed that haechan saw that.

“baby, i know its gonna be hard and it probably wont be the perfect relationship but just think about all the trips we are going to have either you will come to see me or i will and in the dorm i will take as much as photos of you, of us i will take so everyone knows that im taken by the most beautiful and smart girl ever” he gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and you cuddled into him “and when i bring some of my new friends here ot when you come to see me im gonna show you off as if you are the only thing i possess”

/And then told me that she'll love me for as long as she's alive /

the huge blush on your face and the sparkles in your eyes gave haechan a sign that everything is going to be alright, that there will be you and him in the future and because the love you had for each other was stronger than the distance you were about to have between you and he knew that he is the lucky one to find you and he was gonna keep you,no matter what.

/Sunflower still grows at night/

masterlist 

[hegglespeggles]

How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

 Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.  

  FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1.    Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2.    Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

  3.    Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a  great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

  4.    MATH THE SECOND

 The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

 RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5.    CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

  6.    Filling in the skeleton

 I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a)      You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

or

b)     You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7.    Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

 The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

  8.    Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

 Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

  9.    Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

  10.       Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

 No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

 Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps. 

[sanguinarius-archive]

Hey! Could I get to know some of your headcanons about dickfigures/your designs for them? :D

ya ya sure!!!!

i already have my designs for them up if you havent seen, here they are!

as for headcanons idk how long this post will be so ill just add a read more for anyone who might not wanna scroll thru it all lol

red!!!!!

his real name is rowan bc i thought it was cute, also it means “little red one” which is eVEN BETTER

he’s nonbinary masc and bisexual! the self projection is REAL

he has adhd

most of my headcanons kinda flow into my own version of dick figures because i’m not very Satisfied with canon NJSJDNSKM so like. for example red doesn’t just kill people or whatever. he gets into fights and has scars and wears bandaids a lot bc of them

he graduated college with blue, he got a bachelor’s degree in fine arts (honestly idk how college works bc im a grade 10 baby so if thats like totally wrong just let me know also im. canadian so idk how american school system works LOL)

red got suspended a lot in high school but never expelled. mostly bc he got in fights that were mainly him protecting stacey from shitty people (he sees her as his sister so he was rlly protective) and the school wasnt really sure what else to do so they just. you know. suspended him a bunch of times hoping itd do something but it didnt

he hates his dad! reason being is bc when he was born, his dad was actually an alien able to disguise himself as human, so he wanted to take red back to his home planet cuz red turned out to be more powerful than anything his dad had ever seen. but red’s mom was like Nope, so she snuck out with him and his plush cat (kitty amazing) and they were never found. red is very close with his mom and is scared of his dad coming back someday

we know he canonically likes rlly loud music so im just gonna project here and say he’s a metalhead. at least, some form of it. he likes the alt scene music and industrial rock. examples being deftones, nine inch nails, skinny puppy, rage against the machine, kittie and others. it keeps him focused and calm

bLUE!!!

we know blue was bullied as a kid but i dont wanna say red also bullied him bc i feel like thats just wrong to me? MAYBE ITS NOT ACTUALLY but it just makes me sad so like. lets say red, being as protective as he is, stood up for blue a lot cuz he was like “oh this kid cant fight” so he knew what to do

blue dated pink for awhile but they mutually agreed to break up after blue realized this wasnt what he wanted (he came to the conclusion that he was gay, well, he knew for awhile but it was Internalized Homophobia)

he grew up in a very conservative family so to see the world completely differently by meeting red, ems (lt), pink and stacey was a very good thing for him. unfortunately even tho his family did love him, it was conditional so they stopped talking to him after he came out. thankfully he’d already graduated high school by that point

despite being emotional blue isn’t very good at understanding how he’s an emotional person. he’s able to distinct one feeling from another and analyze them, but it’s just... hard for him to kind of. process WHY he feels a certain way? which is what’s led to a lot of his struggles in getting closer with ppl

he loooves reading and writing we already know this but i mean come on. he also got a bachelor’s degree in english/ela. so he’s able to become a teacher ig but he doesn’t really want to? at least not for awhile yet

blue was ems’ first friend. at first he couldn’t understand why they had tics but decided he shouldn’t get into someone else’s business. he didn’t find it weird, just cool!

he and red would always pair up for projects if they had classes together!!!!!! blue would do the writing/research and red would do the illustrations. they always turned out really good even if it ended with red cramming it at the last minute

surprisingly hates broseph more than red. well i mean its not surprising, because broseph was always a huge DICK to him

blue’s real name is wyatt!!!!! i forget the meaning but i felt the sound of it and the meaning fit him well

piiiiink!!!!!!!!!!

she’s still in college, getting her doctorate to be an astrophysicist!

pink is very very smart and will help anyone who’s struggling with something in school. she was basically the genius who always got in the honor roll every year. but, she actually was really anxious especially with exams

pink encourages stacey to go back to school, and sometimes stacey does, but she always ends up leaving again. it’s a little stressful but pink has hope for her

she’s never drank one sip of alcohol in her entire life. she smoked weed once, but it felt weird so she didn’t do it again

ever since she and blue broke up she’s been very supportive of him bc she herself is bisexual!!! so she sees nothing weird about it. in fact, about almost a year later she started dating stacey

pink’s real name is lily. when she became friends with blue she met red through him and she was like “can i join your nickname thing” and they said “sure” so they called her pink. stacey sometimes calls her pinky or just pink but mostly lily

pink helped red with academics. even tho he was sometimes insufferable to work with (/j thats a Joke i promise she’s a very patient person) she didn’t give up on him!!!! in return he helped her out with some fitness stuff cuz pink was always insecure about gym, and later when she graduated she actually got into exercising bc of red!

she loves travelling and going for walks. she owns a lot of houseplants and she’s given them all names and takes very good care of them! she also owns an albino ball python named Velvet

STACEYYY!!!!!!!

stacey is nOT actually all about sex this time ok. i don’t like that. i mean she did have some personality in canon but it wasn’t much? anyways she just really likes to express herself thru tight/”risque” clothing like fishnets and leather and pleated skirts and thigh-highs and platform boots, all of that. basically she’s a goth girl but doesn’t really “act” like one

she’s really intelligent when it comes to animals and insects and will tell you anything you need to know. when she goes back to college she gets a degree in environmental science

stacey can play the electric and bass guitars!!!! she was in a band back in high school but it never really went anywhere beyond performances at parties in someone’s garage. not that she didn’t like it, looking back on it makes her feel happy, but she wished it continued. probably why she has a hard time going back to college bc she’s not sure what she really wants

stacey is a trans woman btw!!!!! unfortunately it was a little difficult in high school to be who she was bc some kids were jerks, but there were a lot of others who supported her which is good

she views red as her brother as well and they still hang out a lot

i haven’t really had time to focus on stacey and make headcanons and stuff for her so i don’t have a lot but... let’s say, secretly, she’s a scifi nerd. and for the sake of debate, let’s say she’s a marvel fan. if you count being a fan of deadpool as being a fan of marvel

LOVES GIRLS.... loves pink!!!

has very similar music taste to red’s!!!!!

emssss!!!!!!! (lt)

instead of being a stereotype of ppl with tourette’s syndrome, it’s just a normal thing that isn’t focused on a whole lot. it doesn’t make ems swear but if they get really really frustrated they’ll curse while doing one of their tics

ems is agender, i’d say they’re also ageless but i don’t really want to make them too “nonhuman” because i feel like that’s dehumanizing to people with tourette’s. so let’s just say most laws of existence don’t apply to them

they’re very friendly!

they’re an aspiring musician, just like in canon

ems is also big into horror movies believe it or not. they’re pretty critical of them though like most horror movie fans, and only like specific ones (i’m not a horror movie fan myself so i can’t say what Specific Ones they like ajsdhbjn just imagine they have good taste okay)

they r very artsy too and like doing crafts cause it gives them something to focus on. it’s just a hobby though it’s not something they’re Professional at

they love nature and flowers and trees and all kinds of plants and animals!!! they like to document what they see when they travel thru nature and stuff so they bring a camera with them (and their phone, but, you know whatever)

ems was never really affected by things people said to them regarding their syndrome. to them it was something they were born with, so they couldn’t bother to feel bad about themselves. in certain situations theyre able to control it but 90% of the time they don’t care about what ppl think

aaaand there u go!!! as for minor characters like raccoon, jason/trollz0r, broseph, dingleberry, they all exist (raccoon isnt a racist stereotype tho), i just dont focus on them a whole lot. most of my hcs for stacey and ems here were thought up on the spot since i havent had time to lay out all my ideas for them but i hope what i have here is good !!!!

also, red and blue ARE dating, and pink and stacey ARE ALSO dating. gay rights

[hobimysun-shine]

bts as billie eilish songs

I love both artist so much because they are so diverse, so driven and in love with their art, so here’s what my mind created at 2am when i actually gotta study for an exam, but anyhow, enjoy

Jeon Jungkook - Ocean eyes 

“Can't stop thinking of your diamond mind Careful creature Made friends with time”

- color scheme: Venice lavender; purple rain; valor blue 

- grey clouds, quiet ocean, salty air, cold sand, bare feet, long sweater, careful wind, watery eyes, 

- angelic, naive, trusting, incapable of stopping emotions

- a feel of uncertainty for the future, because you still have so much to experience in life, it’s hard to know who to trust, where to go and what your tears mean, who you should give them to 

- young love, pain

- it basically speaks of someone who is impressed by another human - love based on instinct and intuition, when you’re young you just feel things, even if you don’t know where these emotions come from (jungkook-namjoon relationship) ; 

- trusting someone by the feeling you get around them, without being able to trust your common sense,

- have you seen jungkook’s beautiful, ocean, doe eyes ?? (if not, then wth you doin’ with your life))

Park Jimin - idontwannabeyouanymore

“I just wish you could feel what you say Show, never tell But I know you too well Got a mood that you wish you could sell

Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before I don't wanna be you anymore”

- color scheme: pale smoke; scotch mist; apple blossom 

- cold air, morning dew, raindrops at the bottom of your window, the fabric softener your mom uses to wash your sheets, soft breathing on the side of your neck, white mirrors 

-  self-persuasion, self-critique, inner conflict, serenity, content, libra’s aesthetic approach

- if you have listened to lie and looked at the lyrics, you know why i chose this song for jimin 

- you basically get the feeling that the person is speaking to himself in this song, trying to find an answer, as to why he puts himself through all these hardships, when he could break free from this vacuum of perfectionism he created for himself

- let’s be real, we all know what jimin had to go through and maybe is still going through with being too harsh on himself, with his body image and his appearance on stage, i hope he is doing well now and is content with himself, cause he is a 100/10 and we all love him so much 

Kim Taehyung - hostage; my boy 

“I wanna be alone Alone with you - does that make sense? I wanna steal your soul”

“ My boy's an ugly crier but he's such a pretty liar”

- color scheme: concord purple; red wine; aurum gold

- big windows, night sky, city view, studio apartment, dark walls, smell of acrylic paint, ripped jeans with that paint splattered on them, acoustic guitars on the walls, quiet jazz music, film paper smoke, deep laughter, strong arms around your waist

- artistic freedom, no fear of judgement, mutual understanding, chest butterflies, assurance, hope, soulmates, in tune with your emotions, who cares if the world doesn’t get us, we get us

- hostage just reminds me of two people, who connect on a soul level so much, that what happens is their love turns into mutual engagement, similar to keeping each other as hostages in their hearts, however i wanted to turn the meaning of that song less toxic for taehyung,, 

- i believe that if there’s a member that would want to connect with people in such level as the song suggests, it would be taehyung

- as for my boy, idk it just gives me a similar base line as in singularity, and i don’t know it’s just probably my fave song of billie and i feel like it is just taehyung’s vibe when i listen to it 

Jung Hoseok - bellyache

“ Everything I do the way I wear my noose Like a necklace I wanna make 'em scared like I could be anywhere Like I'm wreck-less

I lost my mind I don't mind “

- color scheme: marigold yellow; apricot orange; candy red

- summer heat, tan skin, blushed cheeks, endless roads, loose shirts, scratched knees, rich kids away from home, one backpack and a shiny red ford convertible from your bf’s dad’s garage, loud music, lips, swollen from kissing, night fireworks

- fed up with everything, escape from reality, that one summer you will never forget, vibrant love, point of no return, rhythm, gut intuition, boldness 

- i don’t know exactly either, it’s just these are the connections i make when i hear this song, and all of that screams hobi to me (aries moon) 

- also am i the only one who imagines he would make a killer dance routine to that song (but again he could probably dance to a water drops going down a pipe, so,,)

Namjoon - bury a friend; copycat 

“What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go? “

“ Perfect murder, take your aim I don't belong to anyone, but everybody knows my name”

- color scheme: pearl river; silver fox, steel wood

- empty stage, burning projectors slowly being turned off, microphone heavy in your hand, as the words that went though it start to make sense, sweaty hair, footsteps echoing in the vast space, feeling of falling down, unexpected, but comforting hug, security, the calming scent of someone you know in this new environment, tears of fear and excitement at the same time, new life, new beginning

-  words said out loud, revenge, mixed feeling of content and fast approaching emptiness, always racing thoughts, insomnia, trying to fill a void, searching for an overall meaning, 

- so bury a friend is just has all these questions man. they remind me of rm’s mind. i feel like all of them are things he had already asked himself, or themes he implies in his songs too 

- copycat is for namjoon swiftly leading a group that got a ton of criticism in the beginning and is still getting hate, but regardless he manages to stay on top, write what he feels, be a real artist and throw everything people said about bts failing back at their faces 

Min Yoongi - lovely ; you should see me in a crown 

“Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here Even if it takes all night or a hundred years Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear”

“ You should see me in a crown I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one”

- color scheme: marble white; smoke ember; royal silver;  

- dark room, cold hands, shaky breath, unable to look at each other’s eyes, fear of the outside and the inside, pocket money, long fingers pressing the out-of-tune piano keys, weary smiles, small steps

                                          (....)

 steady hands, marble walls, scent of freshly printed documents, looking through a box of old photo albums your mom sent, turning the pages a larger hand stops you from flipping the next page, two teenagers than look awfully like you two are staring back fearfully, low chuckles, eyes full of love  

- strong minds, growth, stability, strength, control, prosperity, hard work, passion, ambition

- lovely is in here because i feel like it portrays struggles with mental health and depression very well. you feel trapped and you feel like there is no one else who understands your personal hell and you are the only one who has to find a way for yourself to get out of that place. yoongi has been in such places before as we’ve heard from him and his lyrics, so i though lovely represents his struggles when he was younger

- you should see me in a crown. literally that’s all i can say, he worked for his success and he got it and he deserves it and he is killing it right now

- yall don’t know the amount of respect i got for this man and everything he has been through and i feel like these two songs portray his lowest and his highest in life and take account every struggle along the way and how he truly deserves everything he has right now 

Kim Seokjin - when the party’s over

“ Don't you know I'm no good for you I've learned to lose you, can't afford to

Don't you know too much already I'll only hurt you if you let me

Quiet when I'm coming home and I'm on my own I could lie, say I like it like that, like it like that”

- color scheme: night snow, onyx black, muddy grey

- smell of liquor, messy steps, blurred vision, flood of thoughts, the darkest time of the night, dried streams of tears on your cheeks, your boyfriend’s hand quietly holding yours, but them you have to split ways, walking alone on the dead street, cold wind air hitting your face, but you find comfort in it, you reach home, but you can’t seem to go in; so you sit on the sidewalk, looking down; you hear distant steps; he sits down in the snow next to you; the sky slowly, but surely becomes lighter 

- quiet sadness, deeper understanding of the world, human relationships seem harder, yet simpler, timeless feeling, a sense of maturity

- this song is just a masterpiece. hear me out, i don’t think i would understand this song as well as i do now, if i have listened to it a few years back. I would have been like “oh yeah it’s sad”

-But like. no. It’s not just sad. It’s a song that shows so much maturity and experience with life that first of all, idk how billie is so young and is able to create music like that. Second of all i don’t think anyone else of bts would fit better to it, than jin 

- people tend to overlook his deeper emotions because he tends to distract from them, he always acts “silly” and tells jokes, but i feel like in songs like epiphany and awake we can see that jin really sees the world and his abilities from a much more mature point of view than other members. And i get the same vibe from billie’s song, so i feel like it would fit best for jin. 

So actually this was way longer than i planned, but yeah, this is just strictly my opinion and it was just an idea i had at 3am now, as i said, hope it’s fun to read :))

im off to bed, because i’m so sleep deprived i will start hearing colors soon 

[emikvs]

﹤𝙽𝙰𝙽𝙰 𝙺𝙾𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚂𝚄, 𝚂𝙷𝙴 / 𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂 𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello EMIKO " EMI " SATO. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY ONE, how you're a CLASSICS major,  and in fact.. how you LIE AND TELL EVERYONE YOU STUDIED ABROAD FOR A YEAR WHEN YOU WERE ACTUALLY IN REHAB. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

*itzy vc* hey hey hey ! SDBJWBDJW what’s up......its xan aha ... this is gonna be the biggest mess ever ...just winging it as i go. and u know what ? thats on on brand babey ! lets get it ...TW: drug use/mention, accidents/hospitalization ( just in case)

backstory

virginia born and raised babey ! she’s the youngest of five siblings and ...it shows. SJDBJWBDJW growing up would have been pretty chaotic had it not been for the fact that her dad was a pretty well-respected police officer in their town ! him & her mom were high school sweethearts which made no damn sense to emiko considering they’re still happily married...the concept just seems fake to her </3

while her parents had a lot of  mushy love for each other, when it came to their kids they opted to take a more emotionally distanced kind of parenting style bc they didnt wanna like spoil their kids or anything but.....it wasnt exactly the best plan ! emi and all her siblings just learned to be very good liars JDSBWBDJW as kids with strict parents do

being the youngest emi took a while to get into her rebellious phase. for a while she’d just watch her older siblings sneak out and party and do walks of shame and all that jazz...and while she was always down to help them get out of trouble none of them ever really trusted her ? since she was the baby they figured she’d be the most likely to snitch which just made her really ///: bc she wanted to be included so bad

flash forward to senior year of high school and finally emi’s like . okay fuck this it’s MY turn ! her dad had recently decided to get into politics with some encouragement from the police chief so he was busy with his career and her mom was busy helping him. it was the perfect time to do what she wanted since it was less likely she’d get caught

so she goes to this graduation party.....and it’s BAD like she gets fucked up & carried away so she calls her oldest sister ( who had come back into town for emi’s graduation ) to come pick her up & on the way to get emi from this house party, her sister ends up getting into an accident 

she didn’t die though JSBJDSBBWJDBWJDBJWDW just broke some stuff and ended up needing surgery ): and emi obviously got busted that night by her parents which ... wasnt pretty at all especially bc they low key blamed her for her sister’s accident which just made emi feel like pure shit babey ! 

visiting her sister in the hospital is what kinda sparked her fear of hospitals ! bc emi was like super guilty and paranoid that maybe her sister was gonna die or her surgery would go wrong and she’d essentially be at fault...it was just a lot of anxiety that turned into a genuine phobia of hospitals after that

but her sister made it she was okay and her dad used all the buzz and tragedy around his family to kinda boost his political career....which was ugly. her sister had been prescribed some pretty heavy pain killers for the pain & thats where things got.....messy

emi isnt sure when exactly it started but between the guilt she was harboring over her sister’s accident, the stress from her parents as her dad got further and further into virginia politics as well as college anxiety since she was about to start at the universoty of virginia.....she stole some oxy and thats what started what would be a very messy and tumultuous addiction  

as soon as she started college, emi felt as if some of the weight had been lifted. she was living away from her family for the first time and dorming so she promised herself she’d take these four years to grow and figure out who she is......except that didnt exactly happen. instead of exploring herself in a healthy way, emi was using drugs as a sort of escapism from her “old” self. she’s extremely smart and she loves her major, but her professors would often comment her papers had the energy of a “rambling and troubled mind”. by the time she was about to finish her sophomore year she was getting so high people would find her literally passed out in the dining hall. but no one was that worried bc for a good two years, she was a pretty high functioning addict. 

cue the summer after sophomore year when emi overdoses at a party. she woke up in a private hospital room with only her father sitting on the couch, the look on his face something she’ll never forget. while him and her mother knew exactly what happened to emi, they hadn’t told any of her siblings. or anyone at all, for that matter. instead her dad had informed the university emi would be taking a year off to privately study abroad and told emi that’s what she was going to tell people bc he’d just decided to run for mayor ! he essentially guilt-tripped her into thinking telling people the truth would be a selfish act, and one that would basically ruin the family reputation and make everyone really miserable JSDWDBWBDJW he also tells her she’s gonna be shipped off to rehab ! 

so she goes to rehab for a good seven months. everyone at school thinks she’s studying abroad in italy, and emi is literally just counting the days til she can go back home to her dorm bc she’s lonely !!! in rehab !!! and she gets that she should take it seriously but shes just so mad at her dad and herself and the world too ig ... just some good old fashioned angst ! but she finishes rehab and her dad got elected as mayor of her hometown in virginia and shes like good for u can i go back to school please JSBDWJDBJW and he says yes

so she’s back ! ready for the universe to give her a break.....ahaha.....

personality + tidbits

so emi......my baby......she’s a strange one. she’s that bitch that’s super nerdy but in the weirdest way like the stuff she’s into is so specific and just....generally stuff literally no one else would care about but to emi it’s like holy shit this is the coolest thing in the world JSBDJWBDJWBJD she knows a little about a lot so she has the tendency to come across as pretentious if you don’t know her outside of class when in reality she’s just read one too many random facts. also weird in the sense that she’s a STRONG believer in the paranormal and in aliens and in witchcraft and stuff like that as well as believing in things that seem “logical”. it can be confusing to people who view that stuff as silly that someone so smart would be into it. 

speaking of smart.....she’s a polygot which basically means she can speak a bunch of languages ! she’s self-taught, and since she’s a classics major some of her favorites to study include greek and latin ( dead language who ? ). she’s pretty chill about it though and if you wanted to learn she’d be the type that’s 100% down to teach you. she always learns the curse words first just you know....for the fun of it ! she probably has very specific “pet names” for everyone in the friend group in random languages 

anyway she’s also stupid. ASDJWBDWBJDBWJDWJD i mean like in the way that she makes the most .... impulsive decisions that usually have negative consequences. she’s the type to convince herself she knows exactly what she’s then come up with the worst plan you have ever heard in your life. an example of a dumb decision emi has made ? your girl ate a pot brownie the day after she got back in her dorm after rehab bc she convinced herself it was a good way to de-stress. some other dumb decisions include various drunk tattoos ( which thankfully haven’t been too bad save for the words eat me tattooed in small font on her ass ). also owns a stick & poke gun so she’s for sure tried to tattoo friends while intoxicated despite.....not being a tattoo artist ... she’s not even an art student .... SJBDJWBDJW....but she’s very very good at convincing people to join in on her dumb antics so be weary

big on photography !!! she loves taking pictures. always that one friend who reminds you to document the moment and you get annoyed but then when you want to post a picture on insta you’re thankful she was there <3 she has the energy of like .... the dad friend when you need support JSDBWBDJWBDJW she tries to be caring but it just turns into like ... emi high off her ass putting her hand on your shoulder and being like “you know fuck it man you’re amazing” not that good at the emotional stuff like she really wants to be but she legit doesn’t know how.......kinda accidentally turned into an emo kid bc she channels her feelings though some kick ass playlists and the notes app in her iphone instead of talking to people JSBDJWBJDBWJDBJ 

she’s high key struggling but she’s the type to be like no its fine this is fine life is a ride babey better hold on ! tries to keep things flirty and fresh 99% of the time but then you’ll witness the rare emi breakdown which.....involves a whole lot of tweets that will all be deleted within 24 hours and emi will in fact deny they ever existed

really a laid-back girl but the chaotic energy is there folks......she can also very easily get into her youngest child complex if she’s upset which just involves emi being a pain in the ass and everyone having to deal with it JSBDWBDJWBDJWBDJW  she likes to make it hard to say no to her.....not exactly manipulative but sometimes she can get close /: not listed in her fears but she is in fact scared of genuine love and affection ! it’s like she craves it so much she’s terrified abt what will happen if she ever gets it.......so she makes sure she’s never in danger of that by never getting into anything serious.....but then at night shes like damn . kinda want a freak to hold my hand rn and tell me they love me ... JSDBWBDJWBDJWBJDWJDW it’s all fun and games.............

ok thats it im done rambling.................this is so long..............and for what !!!!! i made her more of a clown than i intended but thats okay (: JSDBJWBDWJDBWJ emi might hate clowns but im embracing them ! 

[forgettinggirlinterrpted]

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag. 

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling. 

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria. 

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow. 

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt. 

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste. 

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash. 

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart. 

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number. 

Ill be back. 

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep. 

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday. 

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning. 

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me. 

I’m sweaty. 

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone 

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea- 

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress. 

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting. 

I just want to play candy crush. 

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams. 

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me. 

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast. 

Shauna puked everywhere. 

I think she’s leaving. 

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant. 

And she has an infected injection site on her arm. 

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts. 

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan. 

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day. 

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches. 

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends 

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills 

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable) 

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished 

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC 

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day 

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt 

5. My face 

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember 

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital 

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here. 

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions. 

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall. 

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys! 

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room. 

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books. 

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect. 

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth 

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here. 

What an anecdote. 

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper). 

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk. 

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad. 

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing. 

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic. 

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash. 

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is. 

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone. 

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think. 

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all.  Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind. 

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

 The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

 Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely. 

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke. 

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age. 

I’m happy she’s not my roommate. 

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back. 

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did 

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s 

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting. 

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes? 

Its off putting also. 

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn. 

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow. 

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!! 

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush. 

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions- 

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County 

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County 

Tuesday 

7:10 am 

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night. 

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it. 

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world. 

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out. 

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car. 

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it. 

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night. 

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here? 

Newsflash, asshole, I am 

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st. 

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo. 

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties. 

7:27 am 

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights. 

Almost 8 

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil. 

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut. 

I don’t like waiting around. 

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time. 

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast. 

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird. 

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack. 

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down. 

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out. 

I miss my parents. 

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next. 

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting. 

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack. 

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it. 

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t. 

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting. 

I think its around 1 pm. 

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk. 

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless. 

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor. 

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe. 

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is. 

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting. 

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point? 

6:50 pm 

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour. 

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak. 

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement. 

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur. 

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool. 

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left. 

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA. 

New girl who I don’t know 

New guy Brandon- wears vans 

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones. 

Bold move. 

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that. 

Now I just kill time until mom gets here. 

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now. 

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!! 

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great. 

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen! 

Goals for tomorrow- 

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time 

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed. 

11am 

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired. 

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this. 

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs. 

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen. 

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop. 

Shirt is leaving today. 

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild. 

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch. 

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke. 

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me. 

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now. 

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough. 

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment. 

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left. 

Gonna go try to get more crossword 

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower. 

Crazy Tad just said hi to me. 

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show. 

My shirt smells like Keenan. 

Also its almost snack! 

Hmmmmm 4? 

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it. 

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired. 

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur. 

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!! 

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh. 

Time to lay down. Again. 

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again. 

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets. 

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down. 

Just want to stop crying. 

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious. 

844

Singer has 12 different personalities. 

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research 

9ish 

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me. 

Thursday 

- if… because then 

- one day at a time 

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today. 

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5 

2 more free meals! 

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it 

Nurse Nadine is so sweet. 

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later. 

930

I’m going to get a watch 

I don’t like not always knowing the time 

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

 Don’t know her name 

But I don’t want to 

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win! 

I’m getting sleepy, fuck 

I have like 8 hours to kill 

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal 

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted? 

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy. 

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it. 

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote 

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went. 

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom 

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9. 

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~ 

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon 

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet. 

Also, they said I could keep 19! 

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles. 

After lunch 

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth. 

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young. 

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved. 

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back. 

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice. 

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here. 

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it. 

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working. 

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet. 

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck. 

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand. 

[1800-seungshine]

in locked with you.

member: park woojin genre(s): high school!au, fluff, crush!woojin summary: with it being halloween, you suddenly regret being the last person to remain at school and what more luck is that you’re locked in the classroom. fear not, you’re not alone; your crush is there too. (requested - bullet point format) word count: 1.7k

note: wow am i whipped for woojin or is it all of you? i think it’s both lmao but this is another requested scenario by an anon! this is to commemorate an event that i don't actually partake in but i might as well lowkey celebrate it by writing about it..??? heheheh. it's actually halloween now here in australia so imma write this as quick as possible lmao - to those trick or treating, have fun and stay safe!!

p.s thank you to the anon that requested this! it means a lot < 33

halloween - the greatest time of the year for pranksters and outright mischievous

your school loveessss halloween

even to the extent where the principal allows the student committee to put decorations on and let the students come as anything they want 

ofc you didn’t wanna miss out on the fun 

so you dressed up as that one thicc sausage bun which will be forever missed (halloweiner anyone?? ok that was lame)

rip snapchat hotdog :’((((

the entire day was fun and filled with so much laughter that you were sure your day was gonna be 100% l i t 

you had dance club meetings that you had to attend but it was mainly dance captain!ong talking about preparations for upcoming events so it was all chill 

and eventually by the time you were fully aware, it became evening 

so you went to the toilets to change into casual clothes 

bc would you really wear a hotdog suit during the evening, or in general public (i mean i would cough)

usually you would have your best friend with you whenever club meetings ended late 

but she was absent and all your fellow club mates have gone to dog you so you were basically the only person in the school 

you thought of all the horror movies you watched alone and the possibility of them coming true to life 

wrong move, you freaked yourself out 

what’s even better is that you left the rest of your things in the classroom where the meeting was held 

so you walked to that classroom as quickly as possible, already planning to grab your things and jet straight away

bc not today demons. not today. (totes not a bts reference) 

but when you entered the classroom, there’s this guy crouching down looking for something 

"oH MY GOD! WHAT THE-”

so you let out a yelp and he jumps in shock

the said guy then looks up 

and you instantly shut your gaping mouth 

cos it’s park woojin 

your crush and fellow dance club member 

but step aside feelings, he scared the heck outta you and he needs to hear a piece of your mind

“s-sorry! did i scare you??”

you see that worried and overall shook look on his face 

aannnnnddd nevermind he’s forgiven 

bc it’s okay if he nearly gave you a heart attack, the world is a better place and your entire existence is blessed by park woojin 

“no no!” you wave your hand furiously, “it’s okay - i just wasn’t expecting someone in here since i was the last person left. what are you doing here by the way?”

“ah...well, seongwoo hyung told me that he forgot something here and ordered me to get it. so here i am but i can’t seem to find it though.” 

with woojin’s presence in the same vicinity as you, you suddenly forget your plan of bolting, “do you need help..?”

“no, it’s getting late and you should go home - i think i can handle; it was just these documents that he placed somewhere.” 

you shake your head in return bc you’re a nice human being, “i’ll help you besides it’ll be faster if we look for it together.” 

hence the beginning of your search party 

and whilst you were both too focus looking here and there 

the “wind” slams the door shut 

(in actuality someone specifically a guy named ong seongwoo closed the door shut and locked it from the outside) 

you run to the door and fumble with the door handle, trying to push it open 

“ohmygod ohmygod you can’t be serious- why isn’t the door opening-” you start to panic and woojin instantly comes over gently pushing you aside 

he also begins with the same motions as you

and after numerous pushes and kicks, woojin lets out a sigh 

“we’re locked in...” 

now you start to panic even more and you’re just there trying to calm yourself by taking deep breathes 

“i mean, it could be worse right...?” you laugh nervously at him 

but jokes on you 

bc the moment you said that, all the lights immediately shut 

(totally not the work of ong seongwoo)

“n OPE.” you finally say before trying to find your way to the door by touching the handle.

so now you’re just endlessly banging on the door, screaming and yelling; “HELP!! ANYONE??? IS ANYONE THERE?? HELP!!”

the fact that it was dark and you couldn’t see crap made things worse 

bc you were petrified and it feels like you’re all alone by yourself - woojin doesn’t seem to be answering and you can’t even figure out where the heck he is  

(he has no clue how to deal with you when he’s freaking out himself)

“woojin woojin woojin, we’re gonna die and the ghosts are going to take our souls and and we’ll end up in another universe or something and we’ll be trapped forever.” 

there’s no reply 

“woojin? oh my god, am i all alone now? park woojin you dog, i swear on my own failing grades-” 

then out of nowhere you can faintly see the entire room again and you relax as you see woojin appear in your vision, holding his phone as he keeps the flashlight on

“did you just call me a dog...?” 

he’s looking at your face, amused at how you were shedding a few tears and sniffling 

you were pretty cute in his eyes 

“i didn’t mean to, i panicked and i really don’t know what to do and and i should have gone home like what you said earlier but nooo! my stupid humanitarian ass and my feelings got in the way so i ended up helping you. 

i knew i shouldn’t have binged watched all those horror movies last night and oh my god, i don’t even know if i’m breathing; should i breathe? can i breathe?” 

you turn your back to him as you try to calm yourself down and there’s complete silence apart from your shaky breaths

and it starts to get him worried bc you look like you’re close to breaking down 

so woojin pushes aside all the awkwardness and hesitance that he’s feeling, grabbing your shoulders so you face him 

you’re just there sniffling quietly, looking down bc good lord you’re ugly crying rn - this boi shouldn’t be seeing you like this 

but he places his hand under your chin and lifts your head lightly 

“y/n, look at me.” 

you instantly look down and shake your head. “no, shut up i’m crying and it’s ugly; don’t do this to me.” 

look at you finding a reason to not give away that you’re a lot more terrified than you look

“please...?”

his plead softens you in less than a second and you slowly oblige to his request, your eyes meeting his.

“you’ll be okay, we’ll be okay, alright? i’m right here, you can trust me.” woojin softly says to you, “take deep breaths and just look at me, forget about everything else.” 

surprisingly, you were starting to calm down and seeing that it was working, he flashes you a grin

“see? nothing will go wrong from now and even so, you have me.” 

TIME SKIP OF ABOUT THREE HOURS SINCE GETTING LOCKED IN 

now you’re just both sitting on the ground, talking comfortably 

which is a first time bc you and woojin haven’t really properly talked before this situation

in that short amount of time though, you immediately clicked with him and it’s going great

you’ve gotten a lot more calmer than at the beginning 

but only because you’ve been holding his hand 

which he initiated, thinking that it could help you 

even if it isn’t really a scientifically proven idea 

it’s effective though (somewhat) 

bc while it calms you down, your heart is also pounding loudly  

and you’re just praying really hard that he can’t hear it bc you sure damn well can 

it’s now officially midnight 

you’re both beginning to yawn 

next thing you know, you lean on the wall and you’re knocked out cold 

he doesn’t really realise that you’ve fallen asleep until you stop replying to him causing him to turn his head 

woojin chuckles gently, “your crying must have tired you out...” he says to your sleeping figure, brushing a few strands of hair away from your face, “i didn’t know you could be unknowingly cute...it’s charming.” 

he scoots closer to you, intimate enough that your shoulders were touching

and gently, he places your head on his shoulder so you can sleep a lot more comfortably

asdfghjkl im screeching bye

soon, woojin also drifts off to sleep with your hands still in his and your fingers intertwined. 

THE NEXT MORNING 

your eyes lift up as the sunlight shines through 

wow this certainly ain’t your bed

oh wait-

you instantly become reminded that you were locked in all night 

so it wasn’t a dream 

and so you whip your head to the left and you see a peaceful woojin sleeping right beside you 

surprisingly you’re both still (loosely) holding hands 

and the thought that it stayed that way all night makes you blush 

woojin flinches a little and eventually is awakened, turning his head to face you

“good morning...” he sleepily says to you, his eyes still closed 

“woojin, we slept overnight here.” 

“i know...but give me five more minutes.” woojin replies, leaning his head on your shoulder 

wowowow who knew an overnight stay in a school would make you two closer than ever 

yet as soon as his head lays on your shoulder 

the door slams wide open 

and enters dance club president, ong seongwoo 

“wAKE UP HOES THIS AIN’T A HOTEL.” 

he stands in front of you two with a cheeky grin, “but i’m glad you’ve both gotten along really well.”

woojin simply groans, “shut up seongwoo hyung - you trick me by saying you left some dumb document and then lock us in here for your fun and games.” 

wait.

“YOU WHAT?” you scream, causing the two boys to jump 

seongwoo laughs nervously, “now now, don’t get mad - i was just doing it for the lols and besides, you guys are best friends now, right?” 

“oh my god- i had mental breakdowns and i ugly cried in front of my crush just for your lols?! oNG SEONGWOO I’M GOING TO KILL YOU.” 

“NOT UNLESS YOU CATCH ME FIRST.” 

let’s just say that seongwoo ran faster than he’s ever been 

and once he bolted out that door, you instantly followed to hunt his ass down 

meanwhile woojin remains in the classroom until he repeats your words and instantly recalls what you also said that last night 

“did she just say she likes me??” 

[indigoschool]

A Shroom Report

This is a piece by Indigo School member Bailey from his trip on shrooms. 

“Below is a writing I composed during a recent shroom trip. I could have given backstory or additional details but I’ve decided to leave it organic as I feel the writing is organic as well.” - Bailey

This is so intimate and exposed my phone gives off new energy I wasn’t feeling before 

I want to be able to touch and caress another idk if it would lead sexually im water but thick like honey im so fluid it would probably be sexual And a orchestration my mind is so many different levels and dimensions of depth pure human my room is so small but my mind is so expansive the longer periods of time I use my phone I feel as if im being pulled into something I can literally become lost in my mind it’s a infinite being simple barbaric wanting to bite and to feel everything another human would be splendid her love passion late by kanye west her phone feels alien is it better to love and never have the chance to be hurt or risk the love for something great emotions are so deep feminine divine thoughts roam but return to her warm never let me down kanye West her love or lust? Love lust is purely sexually feelings and intentions and love is so much deeper I wanna know her on every level lol kinda corny but society made love corny because it’s emotion and it’s so deep and hsrd to explain we get scared or overwhelmed by it and instead should embrace it and everything it is and just be she’s so beautiful she’s better than me I value my self lower because of the value I hold thee love change is scary but thats what makes it fun the unknown present living present I can image the future we could have but if it’s not so it will hurt but if it is the will expand into something great and undescribable love pure love is it worth the gamble will the feelings be mutual or more ever building off each other pure her I wanted you to read this feminine mind working vulnerable understanding loving is that what she wants over thinking will the feelings be mutual raw emotions pure feeling love want her love is suffocating Inna Good way in which it takes over everything pure powerful red warm 808s and heartbreaks speaks to me robocop this could be us beautiful she’s so beautiful will feelings be the same it could be so beautiful honest pure Harmony why is this trip like this blame game by kanye West I love this song pure emotions I want her emotions are like rhythms life is rhythms rhythmic beautiful irrescribable wow will the words I write portray the same meaning and feeling that I pour into them? Will they be comprehended?

 And felt the way that I am feeling them. Words are such a horrible way of coneveying true feelings and emotions and intentions gender is fluid while I feel feminine and masculine and balanced at one pure love blame game by kanye West is beautiful idk why I want you to read this probably because no one else in touch with the feminine side lmao why that sound corny too society got us washed this is my pure emotion poured over a canvas emotions feel like a warm liquid but thick and sparkling something mystic she’s that someone she’s mystic she’s sparkling I want her to experience her how deep she is emotionally lmao ik How that sounded how complex a individual idk if this will be felt and comprehended like I intend too I want her my heart love will she want me I want her to feel as deeply for me as I do for her but in no selfish intent but for her to be able to feel this pure feeling of love I want her to be happy my emotions are deep but will hers be as deep for me? Im a chalice overflowth medieval times are appealing to me alchemy Golden I want to live for her. Will she live for me? Is that the creation of a perfect being? No selfish intent purely for another? Say you will by kanye West the heart is so strong I love her she’s so beautiful so divine women and men so much balance women are strong men will pretend to be but emotions overtake we will do things for her say you will by kanye West is beautiful I feel like this is getting too long for you too keep interest but I want you to help me. Help me understand and guide me. Wow me looking for guidance. While im usually one who gives guidance. I feel like you’ll understand. We are so clouded by day to day life some people are so content why do I wanna know so much deeper l really want her she’s so beautiful and complex time doesn’t feel like it exist one seamless flow the human language is such a weak attempt to be able to… This will you want to read this to help me this is alot and vulnerable this has become a cross of my emotions and the trip documentation everything happens for a reason and presents itself at a certain time as my playlist ranges from moods vibes feelings but it all makes sense humanity I want her I keep going back to that my mind is so complex but simple at the same time perspectives continually change everything does water fluid motion duality this is incoherent but coherent at the same time because we can all relate feelings are so powerful im having a break though 808s and heartbreaks is so pure such a beautiful creation am I writing this as a letter for one to read or self documentation and analysis why do I do the things that I do? Why does anyone do anything? I want these answers it’s so deep something beyond something beyond what is normally conceived we have created so many beautiful things why must be create evil as well this is so pure jazz is so nice soul filled is the the passion forget what you could get out of it as a material gain but you do it because you love it I feel like I relate to everyone im connected to everyone everyone feels this people will say this is crazy or insanity but they feel it too I speak the truth the saxophone in drive slow by kanye is so nice family business is beautiful as well from kanye the pianos are so nice emotions ahah I love it why do people want to be hateful? Something eating at them but hating someone else somehow makes that better we continue to lie to ourselves but it’s impossible cuz we know ahah who is gonna want to read all of this ahha it’s so insightful though just daunting because of its length but life isn’t a short answer everything is complex while being simple we can never understand this she’s so beautiful we created this world we live in in order to give order into something we can’t understand I want to confess my feelings we are all so misunderstood why does society view us like this? Why are they so scared to embrace the unknown and just be I am spewing my feelings and inner thoughts into this will any one even want to read this? Or is a normal and basic human mind disregard it? Most people don’t understand this why can’t they understand this I love this why can’t we be like this I keep having recurring feelings and thoughts are these the most truthful or should all thoughts be held at the same regard? I want people to understand this. No one will read this. This is so long and has no organization why do we do this! I want answers so bad. I feel hopeless why will this be disregard look at all this information just thrown away I want people to see this but will they? Im upset with myself because I want someone to read this but fear because of the length no one will. Why can’t people achieve this with me? Why do darker places.. Why do we want them once we are im them? I really want someone to read this. Idk what to do with myself. This writing is beautiful, it’s a work art will anyone understand this? This is a literary work of art. This is the the pure expression of the human mind. Time is such a luxury. Im at the point of wanting to sleep but of course my mind will not let me. What id this anymore. A personal documentation or a cry for help? That felt like what I should say. Im so fucking mad no one is going to fucking read this goddammit I want them too soo bad what am I Doing… Fuck im going to stop writing in hopes that someone will still read this for me. What have I gotten my self into? Feeling as if I stop I’ll miss something crucial that I wanted them to know. It’s not suppose to be like this. We are too pure and simple minded for all of this. Yet so complex. We are our own self enemies, mankind. I just want to help others. This is why I feel the urge to write. In hope that it can help someone. I don’t live for myself, I live for others. Is this how it’s suppose to be? I want her. Why do I feel like she has all the answers. It’s wrong to put that onto someone. This writing has gotten much more coherent as the thoughts are more complete instead of all over the place. I feel like the evolution of mankind. Infinite. Someone understand this with me. We long to be with mother Earth. I no longer feel the need to write so this is my proper ending I suppose.