#im so stressed i have to leave the house in 5 hours but thats fine

[ironmanstan]

Ive accidentally developed fixations

[juni-ravenhall]

so a lot is going on...

1) still havent slept more than 20min at a time for a total of mb 1 hour per night for the past 4 days (i think night 5 is upcoming idk anymore)

2) body also gotten kinda itchy but i hope thats just the weather and dry skin from sweating and showering too much

3) i suddenly got offered an apartment contract for an apartment in an area nearby my parents house (where i live in a small shed at the moment). i dont have an income except wellfare, but person i called at the office of the wellfare stuff, told me to say yes to the apt, that they will be able to cover most the rent with the rent side of wellfare (separate from food etc wellfare).  however, theres already more stress than the base fact of that i might have less wellfare money to live with from now on (bc part of my normal chunk - which is not a lot to begin with - will prob go to paying living expenses i wasnt paying at my parents’ shed). bc, they only offered me a contract today (24th), but the first rent is already due on the 30th, i need to turn in the contract and rent to the wellfare office to get the money, and theres a 3day weekend fri-sun bc of midsummer, so i cant turn it in until monday morning (in person only x_x), and on top of that, my regular contact person there is on vacation so i dont have a specific individual to get organised help from. and the landlord company states on their site “we dont give extensions on rent for any reason ever” (hmmm fuck you) so i might be late with my very first rent payment... only due to the fact they offer me a contract the day before a 3-day holiday, knowing i will use wellfare to pay, and tell me to get the money before the 30th somehow anyway.

so im annoyed (honestly not that stressed about this, the thing im stressed about is not sleeping and my health) that this apartment stuff is very fucking dumb in organisation, alongside the wellfare office being difficult as usual. 

and im a bit anxious about what my money situation will be from this day forward with this apt living costs, like i said, might have to use money thats supposed to go to food, transport, clothes, healthcare, etc, to pay living stuff instead, possibly only really leaving enough to cover basic food, i dont know yet.

i sure hope i survive long enough to start getting actual healthcare in figuring out why im exhausted every single day and cant do shit, cant work, cant study like normal people. if i could have a normal common salary the apartment would be easy to pay bc im used to living cheap and all. doing commissions on a larger scale, along with mb selling prints and stuff, would also be fine, it all just comes down to me having really bad health and nobody cares to fix it.

[ditto]

wi rehab week 3 review: the Week™. i KNOW this post is long but god please read about my misfortune if yall want a Saga

current status on raccoons: clement

number of monster energy drinks consumed: 2

number of buns directly killed: 1

Days Since Last Diarrhead on: 1

Baby Raccoon Count: 150ish? probably 130 that need to be bottle fed 

new tasks performed:

baby opossum cage maintenance

baby waterfowl cage maintenance

SQ fluid administration on raccoons

SQ vaccine administration on raccoons

What To Do When Your Tire Goes Flat 101

oral medication administration on possums

CHRONOLOGICAL TALE OF MISFORTUNE: i’m not going to do this regularly but the sheer amount of bad shit that happened this week was COMICAL so let me break down everything that happened to me this work week

MONDAY 6/8

got diarrhead on during 6am raccoon feeding

straight up killed a baby rabbit during bun feeding. they stress real easily and i’m bad at tubing so i had him out for a while and he just fuckin. died. from stress. in my hands. directly because of me being bad at my job. so you know that was uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

shovelled out wet dirty woodchips out of a walk-in enclosure with like 8 goslings using a snowshovel w/ another baby intern. you can’t put a ton of woodchips into one trash bag so we had to keep changing out the trash bag and it was like 92 degrees out and we were both wearing cloth masks and on god i really thought we were gonna die in there

during the pm feeding i get peed on by the EXACT SAME RACCOON that diarrhead on me during the am feeding 

TUESDAY 6/9: the Day(tm)

i have a therapy appointment scheduled at 2pm. my shift is 6am-2pm. i’ll need to leave at 1:30pm to get to it. i tell my supervisors this. it’s chill. i still feel bad about it, because i have anxiety.

right off the bat, i get scolded by my Actual Boss for doing something i watched one of the supervising interns do 

6am raccoon feeding: get diarrhead on again. 

a rac RIPS the fucking nipple off of the baby bottle we’re feeding them with and formula gets fucking everywhere. i say out loud at this moment “IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK”. one of my supervising interns feels bad for me and keeps trying to cheer me up throughout the day. she does make me feel better.

i get dishes which is fine bc i dont mind dishes for real but my hands turn into sandpaper the day after doing dishes for 2 hours so this is more :| than :/. i make jokes about how bad my week is going. the mood is, generally, looking up.

next raccoon feeding is scheduled for noon. raccoons are housed in a separate building, so it’s about a 5 minute drive to get there from the main area. we get ready to leave around 1pm. recap: i need to leave at 1:30pm for a therapy appointment. i’m planning on driving my own car down there so i can do this. it’s chill.

on my way down there, i start hearing the most godawful screeching of metal. i am, quote, “like uhhh.” when i open the gate to turn onto the highway, i stick my head out the window to look

my tire is flat.

i have a flat tire.

my fucking tire is FLAT dude.

>mfw

>

>

pull over after gate

tell the staff member following me “hey i have a flat tire so im probably not going to make it down to feed today” and shes like flkdjsalfksd okay

call the ONE supervising intern whose number i have, who is the one who heard me say IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK, like GUESS WHICH BITCH HAS A FLAT TIRE LMFAOOOOOOO. just making that one call was the funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened in my entire life

to quote her verbatim: “i guess you are having a bad week”

call my dad, who as it turns out was actively teaching a class when i called, so i am well and truly facked and am DEFINITELY not making this therapy appointment

ok. take a deep breath. check my car. i have a donut in my car. i have not changed a tire in three years, and have never changed one in the scenario of I Have A Flat Tire. fack. relay this to the one supervising intern whos number i know (i’m going to call her supervising intern 1 going forward here). ask her if anyone knows how to change a tire. 

supervising intern 1 calls back. apparently there’s a guy who lives on the same property we’re on named donnie. donnie is a maintenance worker who helps out a lot around the rehab place. donnie can help me change my tire. apparently someone currently down feeding raccoons is going to come pick me up and bring me over there so i can continue to feed raccoons until donnie can fix my tire. 

get call from supervising intern 2, whose number i did not have, apparently it got relayed. i ask her if anyone down there can change a tire. she says she can change a tire. she will help me change my tire she finishes on raccoon feeding. ok sounds good. someone is still going to come pick me up.

get call back 10 minutes later. apparently donnie is in the middle of a field right now and it is unlikely that he can fix my tire. someone is still going to come get me to feed raccoons, maybe. i tell her supervising intern 2 can help me change my tire after we finish our shift. she says thats fine. ok cool sick.

try to call therapist. i have no signal. send email which is, verbatim: “Hey! I'm currently on the the side of of the the road in [TOWN 30 MILES AWAY] with a flat tire, so I'm not going to make our appointment today. If we could reschedule for sometime soon, that would be great.” signal is bad, so this ends up being sent at 3pm.

(ALSO I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TODAY BUT APPARENTLY IN THE TIMELINE THERE’S A FIGHT HERE BETWEEN SUPERVISING INTERNS 1 AND 2 OVER HOW THE SITUATION IS PLAYING OUT WHICH IS EQUAL PARTS HILARIOUS AND “MAKES ME FEEL BAD”)

one of the other baby interns comes to pick me up and bring me down to racs. i walk in like AYYYYYYY and start feeding raccoons.

i get diarrhead on again.

i get diarrhead on again again. 

apparently 3 in one day is a record.

my shift is supposed to end at 2pm. we usually end up staying until 2:15-2:30ish, because that’s usually when the other team gets down here. since supervising intern 2 is currently my savior, she is going to drive me back over when the other team gets here and she leaves. other baby interns leave at 2:15ish, i think. 

the other team is, apparently, running late. they get here at 3pm.

supervising intern 2 drives me back over at 3pm. we get to my car.

the donut is on.

the tire is in the trunk.

apparently donnie was, in fact, able to come change my tire. no one told me this. 

im like ok. this is fine. i tell supervising intern 2 thank u for my life. i leave.

my donut has a 50mph max speed limit. i tell google maps to avoid highways on my way home. this turns my 30 minute drive home into a 50 minute one, and still ends up with me being terrifyingly tailgated by trucks for going 10 miles under the speed limit. i almost, but do not, run out of gas on the way home.

i get home around 4:10pm. i call the auto shop across the street from me and tell them i have a flat tire, but i need the car by 6am tomorrow. do they think they can have it fixed by then. they tell me to bring it over and they’ll let me know.

i bring the car over. i give them my keys. i say thank you and leave.

i realize that my garage door opener is in my car, which is now locked. i have no other way into the house, because our garage door keypad has been broken for 2 years. the sliding glass door in the backyard is locked.

i walk back into the auto shop 5 minutes later and ask in the Polite But Obviously Having A Day tone if i can have my keys back so i can get it. i get my garage door opener out of my car. i give the keys back.

i enter my home. i lay spread-eagled on my bed for one hour.

auto place calls back and tells me they fixed the tire. im like did you replace it or did u fix it. theyre like we fixed it come on over. i almost cry on the phone.

go back over. guy is like “ya u ran over a screw LOL”. gives me my keys back. i wait to pay

after a bit hes like “you dont have to pay anything. this is on the house.”

almost cry

thank him

get car

go home

eat

shower

go to bed at 8pm 

WEDNESDAY (6/10)

everyone at work is immediately like AYYY and in general just very nice about the whole thing. i thank everyone involved for helping. its chill

dont get diarrhead on this feeding but i do get bit for like NO got dam reason what the fack

next up is cleaning juvenile cages and i swear to god i get the nastiest. fucking. raccoon cage i have ever seen in my entire life. there was an...i wanna say eigth-of-an-inch thick layer of raccoon diarrhea across this 2 foot x 4 foot cage

like on GOD the smell was so bad i was gagging through a goddamn cloth mask just. oh my god. i had to just go stand outside and stare into the abyss afterwards for a few minutes it was so NASTY IT WAS SO NASTY

mercifully, i am spared from further misfortune for the rest of the day. i come home. i am so tired.

WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THAT SUPERVISING INTERN 1 HAD SUCH BAD LUCK FEEDING RABBITS TODAY SO LIKE...my luck is contagious 

notes and observations

anyone who is anti-euthanasia in animal shelters and any other large-scale animal welfare places in general can absolutely suck my dick

most other baby animals will generally have various stages of “baby x”, but opossums look like Adults Except Tiny from a very early age. they have stolen my heart.

birds are poopy little creatures

[bmpmp3]

so i woke up today at a reasonable hour for once and i was all fine and dandy and i went downstairs and made some coffee and read some cat themed mystery novel for a bit while i drank it and then when i was done i went back upstairs and took a shower and as i was showering i was thinking about the french word for shower (douche) and how in grade 10 french class we had an assignment where we were supposed to make a MTV cribs style video where we listed off furniture vocab and at the time recording videos with like a camera was too stressful for me so i asked if i could make an animatic instead and my teacher let me but also i have never had shame nor restraint in my life so i made some characters specifically for french class assignements, a gardener named Greg and a hoard of french speaking fairies who Will Not Leave Him Alone and like the joke of the dynamic was just this dudes complete and utter lack of patience with dealing with the fae when he’s trying to grow some tomatoes so i used him and the fairies (can’t remember their names whoops) in like all my assignments because I Physically Could Not do any assignments without making a series of cartoon characters and creating a narrative (once I did a presentation on scoliosis and it was about a band called like Stevie and the Spinettes or something and it was like some greaser looking guy as the lead singer and his backup singers were disembodied talking spines and one had scoliosis and educated him about it when he was confused.....you might be thinking this is far more work than just doing a basic ass assignment, and you’d be correct. So why did I do this for like every large assignment I did in my 5 years of highschool? The answer is simple! There’s something wrong with me.) anyway i made a lil animatic where Greg was like chilling out and some fairies invaded his house and started listing off the furniture in his house in french and he just has the worst time ‘cause like he doesn’t even know french and it was just that for like five minutes and it was kinda cute, I did all the voice acting and I was 15 and not a voice actor so it wasn’t very good but the teacher loved it and especially how much effort i put into it and im still proud of it even though i physically cannot watch it again after how long it took me to edit it and i was just standing there after taking my shower putting on some pants when suddenly i remembered that the next semester some of my friends had to do the same assignment and apparently the teachers had been showing my weird ass animatic as an example of how you can get creative with the assignment and i was physically brought to my knees, pants half on, at the realization that there’s a decent chance they might still show it even now

so thats been my day

[neopuff]

I wanna know what happened to your boss who stole your identity... if you feel like sharing you should make posts about it

i cant believe i woke up to over 20,000 notes on that fweiougbwe;goew OK HERE im gonna do this like a reddit relationships thread:

players are: B (boss/thief 27F), C1 (coworker 59F), C2 (coworker 40sF), and me (24F). not a lot.

i worked with B and C1 at Claire’s for well over a year. they knew i had money and yeah i’d let them borrow money to help pay their rent/car payments/etc and C1 always paid me back within a month but B always was like “ill pay you back soon” which was like ok its fine dont stress just…we have an ongoing relationship so i foolishly doubted she was going to steal from me right in front of my face lol

then B quits Claire’s and starts working at Express, promises me a great job at Express to the point where i’ve applied and filled out paperwork (yknow with my drivers license and my SSN) but that job never happened cuz B quit working there. (this is when B opened her first credit card using my information, for Express! which is a crazy expensive clothing store.)

B gets a job at Sally Beauty and tells me i should come work there (this is in july). well, i’m in grad school and i wasn’t going to work for the month of August cuz of friends coming to visit but i was like sure ill work extremely part-time at a store for hair and makeup since i know literally nothing about hair and makeup. C1 was also asked to come work there since the Claire’s we all used to work at was shut down (bankruptcy lol)

things are going fine for a while, C2 is working at Sally’s now too (she’s B’s aunt and they live together.) in September my parents bought a new house 5 and a half hours away and they ask me to house-sit until they move in, so obviously im gonna do that, so i give my two weeks (i gave more like a month but w/e) and on the day before i leave B calls me and says the reason i havent been getting paid by direct deposit is because they never got my drivers license photo. i say thats weird, did they lose it? and she says they mustve so i send her a pic of my license. cuz obviously i wont be in town to pick up my check so i need direct deposit.

ok so fast forward to this monday, C1 calls me and it starts off normal like “hi how are you howve you been” and then shes suddenly like “i have something important to tell you.” and she says C2 saw mail at her and B’s house with my name on it! C2 was complaining about it at work and C1 was like “wtf?” and thought that was suspicious and told me about it. shes like “make a creditkarma account and you can see any credit cards under your SSN”

i go to make a creditkarma account and weirdly enough theres already one under my SSN! and the email is literally [B’s last name][B’s first name]@outlook.com. she wasnt even being subtle or smart. she really thought i’d just never look or wouldnt care???? i dont KNOW.

so obviously i call all the credit report places and im like freeze everything and put fraud alerts on everything!! and i blocked B’s phone number and i blocked her on facebook cuz even if she had an explanation i genuinely wouldnt care at this point

i went to another credit report site for the details and B not only took out a $5000 loan (she bought a new car recently so probably for that), but she opened 7 other credit cards and applied for 25 others. she started this the DAY i left! theyre mostly credit cards for banks but theres the express card, a target card, a disney card????????? also B put her actual phone number and address into the system so theres no doubt that its her.

and then C1 calls me again to tell me that B quit her job at Sally Beauty less than an hour ago and im wondering if she knew i knew or coincidence? since B steals from companies she usually only works at each one for a few months each

so ok, tuesday morning i call the police and then i have to call every single bank and credit union to cancel these stupid fucking cards. i was on the phone for 6 hours (wouldve been longer but i had my online class) just repeating the same info over and over again. and then the police call me back like “so we just spoke to B, she played dumb for a bit but then confessed to everything” and that was a HUGE relief except that i still have 12 more card applications to cancel. cop said “she didnt really have an explanation other than she’d fallen on hard times” and i just…….dont care especially when she quits every job shes store manager of after less than a year. and yea she has two kids and a bum husband and a supportive close family

and it’s now wednesday afternoon cuz i slept thru the morning but i have to call all these other places AND i’m gonna have to drive 5 and a half hours back to my hometown for court sometime in the next two weeks. plus i have to fill out like 30 affidavits for all these banks and credit unions and give them the police report so they know im not lying

also my credit score has gone down significantly because of that Express card she got in March (she’d been doing minimum payments allowed so i wouldnt get notified despite racking up $475 at this one ugly store)

in less than a month she opened $20,000 worth of credit and spent $8400 of it. and since she just QUIT her job i can assume she wasnt planning on paying off any of that debt lol

anyway that’s where i’m at now, i dont know if shes going to jail or what. she sure as hell cant pay any fines. PLUS she already owed me $450 and i was gonna cut her some slack on it but now i want my $450 back lmao

[louisfrecklesss]

LCH [5] | Louisentine

Description: Clementine gets confused with her feelings while she’s spending so much time with Louis, especially after babysitting baby AJ together.

Words: 1,757 

Ship: Clementine x Louis

Warnings: make out session

Genre: Fluff, High School AU

A/N: it’s so fucking cold here in London, yes I live in London for those who don’t know. everyone seems to like this fic better than the other one? at least you like one of them because I don’t like my writing at all aH. anyway, I love you all. thank you for reading!

CHAPTERS

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

__

It’s been a or two week since Clementine has agreed to this deal with Louis, and not for one second has she thought it was a stupid idea. She could see from hanging out with his friends that they do pick on him a lot, Mitch the most; they’re not bullying him but he is the joke of the group only because he is the lesser of them. Clementine knew that if she was in his shoes she wouldn’t know if she would be as strong as he is.

So, here they all are in the common room of the school. Mitch, Aasim and Marlon sat opposite the couple who were seated on one of the large body bean bags. Clementine sat crossed legged in between Louis legs as he rest his chin on top of her head, her hands held his fiddling with his fingers while she scrolls through her phone with the other. 

“When are your friends getting her, babe?” Louis brushes his thumb over Clementine’s hand to get her attention, the girl switches tabs on her phone to their conversation reading the answer for Louis.

“I think they’ll be here in five, I’m not sure to be honest with you.” She looks up at him meeting eyes with him to which he winks at her causing her to look down smiling. Every time he winks, event though he has done it so many times, it still seems to make Clementine blush like crazy.

Clementine meets eyes with Marlon who is vaping the whole entire room up. “Brody?” His eye brows frown at the question before looking towards the door of the room; just in time, Brody walks into the room with Clementine’s friends. Louis knows them but they haven’t all chilled together as ‘friends’. 

“Baby!” Brody practically screams as she sees Marlon in the far corner, he opens his legs up on his seat inviting her to sit on his lap. It wasn’t too long before they were all over each other.

Aasim turns away from the couple. “Looks like it came straight out of a porno.” Violet, who came in with the rest of Clementine’s friends, high fives Aasim before taking a seat next to him. 

“Oh right, guys, these are my friends. Violet, Sophie an-”

“Ruby!” Clementine is a little shocked when the rest of the boys know who Ruby is. “Darling.”

Ruby giggles when Mitch and Marlon continue to shout her name. “Don’t y’all darlin’ me.” 

“You know each other?” Louis questions.

“We always pretend to be sick so we can pay our little Ruby a visit, right Aasim?” Marlon hits Aasim with his elbow a couple times before he is rewarded with a punch on his arm. “Or is it to see that asian guy that is always sick but never fuckign speaks?”

“James?” Ruby questions sitting on the other side of Aasim who physically tenses in his seat, Louis tap Clementine lightly pointing at Aasim before smiling down at her. Clementine saw what he was talking about and mouthed the ways how cute before engaging back in the conversation. 

“James is pretty fucking hot.” Clementine states nodding her head along with her fake boyfriend. 

“Oh yeah, James has my heart.” Louis clenches his chest and Clementine lifts her hand to high five him behind her. The group just break into a fit of laughs including Aasim himself. It was only recently that Aasim came out about his sexuality so it was hard for him to joke about it still.

“Too bad his gay Clementine.” Mitch adds pointing at the girl who frowns slightly earning a hurt expression from the boy behind her. She tilts her head back looking at him who pecks her lips quickly earning a surprised expression from her, nevertheless, she grins.

Sophie is almost glued to Violet’s side not knowing these people enough to really fit in; Clementine notices this telling her to come sit opposite her which happened to be right next to Mitch. Mitch offers her a small smile to which she returns before saying something to him which Clementine can’t hear, she’s just glad that she has someone to talk too. 

“So, party tonight? My house, everyone has to be there because I said so.” Marlon says standing shortly after, he goes round getting everyone number and adding it to a group chat, not too long after everyone receives his address.

Louis admires his girlfriend as he sees her shaking her head softly. “I don’t do parties.”

“Clementine does not do parties.” Violet says to clarify the point that Clementine just made. Louis did not seem too happy about this, he stood up making Clementine fall back onto the bean bag slightly. 

“No, princess, you have to come.” Clementine smiles to herself before standing up to placing her hands on her hips. 

“Nope, sorry.”

Louis flutters his eyelashes at her, bringing out his puppy dog eyes before moving closer to Clementine. He hopes this works on her because it works on most people, he can even see in the corner of his eye, Violet crumbling and slamming her hand on Aasim’s leg. “Come on Clementine, please.” Clementine looks back at her friend briefly before looking back at him. 

“No.”

Everyone boo’ed and complained as Clementine grabs her stuff and Louis hand. “I have to babysit my baby brother, and you’re going to help me.” She addresses the last part of the sentence to Louis who rolls his eyes gently, following behind the girl. 

“We all know that’s code for sex!” Marlon shouts as they both start to leave the room. 

“Louis is going to have to wait longer than that!”

~

Lee runs around the house picking up all the mess as well as trying to find his car keys, AJ is screaming in his highchair not wanting his Dad to leave him. 

“Daddy, it’s here.” Clementine hands Lee his car keys, he thanks her kissing the top of her head. 

“I’ll be back in an hour, I just really have to finish that paperwork sweetpea.”

“I know Dad, go.” She tries to push him out of the house. 

“And thank you too, Louis.”

“No problem, Paps.” Louis returns to feeding baby AJ who stops crying once the spoons meets his lips; Louis makes funny faces at the baby causing him to giggle almost choking on his own laugh. Clementine loves watching Louis play with AJ and call her Dad ‘Paps’. It makes it so real, a little too real. But she never bring up the fact that this isn’t real because she wants to feel like it is even when it isn’t.

“Everyone is going to be there, and I have to go because it’s my bro’s party. Open up AJ, woosh.” Louis guides the food into AJ’s mouth before turning to Clementine for a reply.

She sighs before laying down on her couch. “Fine, but I swear to go you can’t leave me alone Louis.” 

He turns to her almost jumping up and down. “Of course I won’t babe, thank you so much. You’re amazing. Isn’t she amazing AJ? She’s so great right?”

Clementine smiles at them closing her eyes to rest slightly, without Louis she would have had to babysit AJ all by herself and she’s been so stressed and tired from school she just can’t function. She’s unsure of how long she’s been laying there with her eyes closed but Louis joins her on the couch laying beside her with half of his body on top of her due to the lack of space. 

“AJ is sleeping, I put him to bed.”

“I don’t know what I would do without you Lou.” Clementine opens her eyes to meet Louis staring at her; she can see all his freckles up close, even the opens that overlap each other creating and even bigger freckle. Louis could see that Clementine was avoiding his eyes, he wants her to look at him even though she was but not at him. His hand grabs her cheek brushing thumb against it slightly, her eyes flutter shut slowly enjoying the feeling. 

“No, look at me.” Louis whispers against her skin, she doesn’t listen at first until he says it again this time in a more demanding tone. As soon as he eyes meet his, she slams her lips against his;. this is the second time that they have shared a kiss during this entire relationship. But it’s the first time that they’ve kissed because they wanted too and not because someone was coming and they had too, like the first time. 

Louis’ hand grips her face firmly as he pulls her into the kiss more, the uncomfortable position makes Louis move on top of her instead. Clementine’s arms wrap around his neck pushing him onto her to the point that if it was any further than it would stop her breathing. They pull away from a second only to get air before Louis mouth is on her neck, leaving soft kisses everywhere. A soft breathe of air leaves Clementine’s lips as she bits her lips, one leg moves around Louis waist as she moves him back to her lips. 

Clementine’s hands grab onto his shirt pulling him in closer, Louis lets out a small groan feeding more into her lips. She parts her lips asking for more to which he gives her, it wasn’t just a dry kiss anymore as their tongues met each other. Clementine could barely control her breathing before the front door slams open and Louis rolls off Clementine almost as quickly as he rushes towards the kitchen. 

Lee walks in with his back turned towards the door trying to get all the shopping bags into the house. “Hey kids, I did some shopping.”

Clementine is breathing heavy trying to compose herself and reply to her father; Louis can see that she is no state to reply muttering the best response he can. 

“That’s great Paps.” He shouts from the kitchen taking down a large amount of water from the glass in his hand. 

“W-we’re, um, going to a party Dad. Don’t wait up!” Clementine grabs her coat and rushes out of the house. Lee looks to Louis for an explanation, who has a red face, shrugs his shoulders and rushes after Clementine.

[zoeygreensimblr]

Holy Ground (Episode 9)

I didn't speak to either Don or my mother when we arrived home on Thursday evening, I just put Don's credit card on the kitchen bench and headed down to my room to do my homework, I was not going to let them think I was distracted in any way. I fell asleep that night still extremely angry and I carried that angry with me into Friday morning. Tess and I were eating breakfast when Don walked into the dinning room.

"Thank you for returning my card Zoey, I hope you found a beautiful dress to wear tonight" He said, trying to sound as upbeat as he can, as if the day before's conversation had never taken place.

"I did, thank you" I replied, curtly, I may be angry but I am still polite to my parents, it's a fight and I know we will eventually move past it and be good again.

"Zoey, Your mother and I are very sorry about yesterday, we never wanted to upset you or make you think that Angus isn't good enough, like Tess pointed out, we need to trust you more" He explains, "This is all new ground for us too and we're kinda learning as we are going along" He continues.

I can't stay mad at them, they were concerned and worried and I've just got to show them they have nothing to worry about.

"Im sorry too Don, I love you and Mum too and I'm sorry I yelled. I just want you both to know though that I won't let anything distract me, not even Angus, I know what my goals are for this year and I'm going to achieve them, trust me" I can feel that I'm getting worked up again, pleading with Don to see that I can do this, distraction free

"I know you can sweetie, we know you can and we trust you. We talked it over after you left yesterday and agree that it's ok if you stay at Angus' apartment but it comes with conditions and this now goes for you both" He informs us, Don is often sent in alone to set the rules for us, Mum is way too soft for that and knows that we would bulldoze her power...well Tess would anyway

"What new laws has sheriff Lothario come up with this time" Tess groans

"Nothing too big, we know you girls are growing up, soon you'll be young adults, out in the world and we don't want to be the big bad parents coming down on you and making life hard but we also don't want you to fail your final year of school and either need to repeat it or be working at Chez Llama forever so we've come up with a social plan, not just for boyfriends but for friends too, until the end of the school year social activities can only be done on Friday and Saturday nights, this includes staying at Angus or Declan's house" He explains to us

"What about the gym?" I ask nervously, please don't stop us from going to the gym.

"You can still attend the gym because it's a great stress reliever and you can still go to Cassie's house to study but no week day parties or dates, do you think we can work with that girls" He asks with trepidation, as if he's about to run on top of a landmine

Tess and I exchange looks and nod

"Yes Don" Tess says, then adds "And Mum who is no doubt hiding in the kitchen"

Mum comes running into the dining room and kisses us both on the head.

"Thank you Donnie and girls, you know I hate confrontation" she exclaims

My mother and I have that in common.

"Now come along girls,  I'll drop you to school on my way to work" Don offers

"What about my dress? It will get crushed if I take it in my bag and even if I leave it at Chez Llama all day it will then get crushed on the train to the gym" I only just realised Im going to have to bring my dress with me, as well as an overnight bag and my gym clothes. It's way too much to carry around school and on the train.

"Ok, quick detour, we drop your dress and overnight bag with Angus and then onto school" Don exclaims

I call Angus to warn him we are doing a drop off, in case he was still in bed.

"I just got back from my run" He tells me when he answers

"it's 7am and freezing outside, how can you run in this weather? At this hour?" I ask

"Ah I'm a personal trainer, it's the only time I do get to run and the sun rise was beautiful this morning" he claims

"I saw it from our dinning room table as I ate my eggs" I exclaim proudly

We drop the dress and bag off and head to school.

The day is moving so slowly, Mr Landraab gives his "this is your most important year" 3 more times today and he even threw in this his other line "every moment counts". If every moment counts then why was he wasting our time with these endless speeches of how we need to study hard, how every day counts. Just let us get through the next five months without the pressure of telling us how "this is the year that will decide your futures" I swear that man never gets tired of hearing himself speak.

Cassie has her town car drive us to the gym that afternoon and even our session drags on, full of squats and weights and now he throws in the step work. It just seems endless. Finally it's down to our last 5 minutes and we have cool down time and then we are done. Cassie, Tess and I run off to the showers where we wash the sweat off and they go about making me pretty for my date. Make up is Cassie's department, she has a way of making it look like you were born with chiseled cheek bones and smokey eyes and Tess comes in with the hair styling and making the dress sit "just right" as she calls it. My dress is a red, satin strapless masterpiece. Tess and Cassie tell me it fit perfectly "in all the right place" whatever that means. We exit the shower block and Angus is waiting for me, his eyes gowned when he takes in what I'm wearing, "you look amazing" he say, absolutely flawed

I say goodbye to Cassie, Declan and hug Tess, who whispers in my ear "you look beautiful sis, just remember if you don't want to do anything then that's ok"

On our way out the door I hear Annabelle call me back to her "Zoey you look gorgeous, are you going out tonight" she asks

"I am, my boyfriend is taking me out tonight" I tell her

"Well he's a lucky guy, is he picking you up?" She asks suspiciously as she is watching Angus hover by the door, smiling to himself

"He lives near here so I'm just going to walk to his apartment" I explain, it's not a lie either.

"Oh no, you can't walk alone" She exclaims "Angus, be a good man and walk Zoey to her boyfriend's apartment, I believe you're going in that direction anyway" She winks at me and Angus comes up behind me and whispers in my ear "Zoey, she knows, she has known from the day you first arrived here"

"But I thought we couldn't tell anyone here?" Im so confused, he laid out the rule but he broke it himself

"Annabelle is one of my best friends, we've known each other since the 2nd grade, I tell her everything" He explains

"We just don't share that information with the others who work her" Annabelle assures me "but I am happy for you Zoey and you too Gus" She smiles at us and we leave.

Angus and I walk to his apartment where he showers and washes away the day. He comes out looking mighty fine and there's a small part of me that doesn't want to go out, I want just stay in, with him and enjoy the privacy but I know we can't do that, we have to venture out into the world together.  

Angus takes me to one of the finest dining place I've ever experienced, I have a lamb rack that just melts in my mouth and Angus have a grilled chicken great with veggies. Over dinner he tells me how his sister is plans to return in the next few weeks and how excited he is to introduce us but how he fears she will "steal me away from him" because of our love for Grey's Anatomy and how re-watch season is upon us, I promise him that no one could steal me away from him and he beams.

"Why do some people call you Gus? I know it's short for Angus but do you prefer it? Do you want me to call you Gus too?" I ask him after our table has been cleared

"I'd rather you didn't actually" he says with a smile and then further explains himself "My Father's name was also Angus and as I was named after him I got called Gus growing up and I secretly hate it, Immie calls me Gus because thats who I am to her, her much younger brother Gus and Annabelle is the only friend I'd ever be comfortable with calling me Gus because she's my oldest friend and that was how she knew me when we were 7 year olds"

"Have you and Annabelle ever...um..." I know what I want to ask but the words won't come out.

"Have we ever dated? Is that your question" He pushes me, I nod my head, "No, Annabelle has always been like a sister to me, my parents died when I was 12, their car was hit by a drunk driver and they both died on impact. Imogen raised me from that point on and Annabelle just became like a rock to me, she's seen me through some pretty dark times, she was always there but there has never been a moment when either of our had feelings for the other" He assures me.

"Im sorry" I apologise

"For what" he ask, a confused look on his face.

"I feel silly for even asking it and now I've made you bring up the painful memories of your parents dying and I feel awful" I explain. He reaches his hand across the table and takes mine.

"Zoey don't feel bad, these are just normal 'getting to know you' questions that people on dates ask, you have every right to know if I ever had a relationship with Annabelle and as for my parents, it's ok, I'm ok talking about it now, I will admit that it did screw me up a bit in my teenage years but I want to share everything with you, the good and the bad and I want you to feel you can do the same with me" He squeezes my hand "You can ask me anything"

"Your ex girlfriend...?" I ask nervously

"Steph?" He offers up her name

"You and Steph? How long were you together? Was it serious?" I know he said I could 'ask anything' but this might be pushing it.

"I met Steph in high School, she and Annabelle were really good friends, still are actually. We started dating when we were 16, we were together for 4 years, After we graduated high school she went to university and I went to a trade school, I wanted to be a carpenter. We moved in together, to a small apartment in San Myshuno and we adopted a dog together, Nortica, Steph still has her too but she'd be getting old now, we found her as an adult, she was a stray". He stops talking and smiles to himself but then continues "I was different back then, I was chubby and would drink a lot, I wasn't a good boyfriend to Steph, I didn't cheat but I was really insecure and I pretty much pushed Steph and Brian together" There's sadness in his voice.

"How did you go from being insecure to becoming so confident?" I ask because I can't imagine Angus ever being insecure.

"I joined the Skye Gym two years ago, not long after the break up and I started working out with my trainer, Justin and he did not go easy on me at all but he taught me how to build my confidence. I stopped drinking for a while and now only have the occasional lite beer, like when I'm trying to hit on that girl at the Stargazer last Friday night" He explains

"How did work out for you with that girl?" I ask coyly

"She came back to my apartment...and then passed out on my couch so I carried her to my sister's bed, put the blanket around her and kissed her on the forehead. She looks beautiful when she sleeps but she also talks in her sleep when she's drunk" He laughs

"Oh no, what did I say?" I ask, embarrassed

"It was mostly just mumbled nonsense but you did say my name and mention that I was hot" He tells me and I go bright red, "Don't worry baby, I tell myself in my sleep how hot I am every night" He jokes

"Yeah, you're not insecure at all" I laugh

The restaurant starts to become empty by 8pm but I know I'm not ready for this night to end yet and I'm hoping he doesn't either.

"Do you wanna go to the karaoke bar near my place? We can dance there" He asks as if he's reading my mind.

"I'm not that good at dancing" I inform him

"It's all good baby, I'll lead, you'll be all good with me" He promises

"I know I will be" I reply and we both know Im not just talking about dancing.

We drive back to his apartment, park the car in the under ground garage and walk to the karaoke bar. It's packed with people who want to get drunk on a Friday night and belt out their favourite song....some better than others but still everyone is just there to have fun and the room feels electric.

"Drink?" Angus shouts over the singer butchering "Summer of '69", I nod my head and go to offer him money but he won't have it, "You're my girl, I got this", he orders me a vodka soda and a coke for himself.

"You're not having the lite beer tonight" I ask

"Nah, I'm good" he replies and we take our seats at the bar. I'm surprised to see so many people dancing and it makes me a little bit nervous too that he's going to drag me out there, in front of all these skilled dancers and I'm just so clumsy.

"They won't even notice you, I promise baby" He assures me, reading my mind again.

"How do you always know what I'm thinking?" I ask him, curiously.

"I read the expression on your face, it tells me what you're thinking most of the time. Remember I'm a former insecure kid myself, I can relate" He informs me.

"What if I'm bad? What if I fall?" My mind is ticking over with all the things that could go wrong

"Then no-one will care. You think all these people started out so good?" He laughs as he takes my hand and leads me on to the dance floor, just as a new singer takes the mike and starts singing "Rolling in the Deep". He pulls me in close to him, takes me by the waist and we start dancing slowly.

"Dancing is a lot like sex" He informs me and I feel myself start to blush

"Well I have little experience with one of those activities and none at the other so maybe you'll need to explain that too me" I tell him

"Well both sex and dancing can be performed in different styles. Like us now, slow, steady, taking our time, savouring every moment" He moves his hand further down my waist, "It can be passionate, fiery,  it can go for hours" He arches me into a dip and pulls me back up to meet his eyes and continues "It can also be fast, hot and sweaty, over before it began. It can get complicated, adding in too many moves and it can be angry, fierce"

He spins me out, never letting go of my hand and I come back to him with ease. My heart is beating so fast, surely he can feel it through the thin material of my satin dress.

"You can do it alone, in the comfort of your own home" I add to his analogy and he smiles widely and adds "Or with multiple partners". I wrap my arms around his neck and he spins me slowly, lifting me from the ground and as he lowers back down we kiss passionately.

Later that night, on our walk back to his apartment I feel like I want him more about his past dancing experience but I don't want to come off as jealous or insecure.

"Just ask it." He prompts me after a few minutes of silence

"How many women have you danced with?" I blurt out

"Dance with? Or...because I've danced with so many, started young too, remember they used to make you do those stupid barn dances in school? I had my fair share of dancing in PE and lets not forget actual school dances, the formal, I danced with so many...well I guess you wouldn't really call them women, more like girls" He laughs and I feel a little silly because he knows thats not what I was asking but he's going to make me say it.

"I'll reword it then mister literal, how many women have you..." I'm too shy to say the word and I can feel my cheeks are burning up.

"Zoey if you can't say the word then I can't answer your question" He is in hysterics, great, I'm glad he finds my innocence so amusing.

"How many women have you had sex with?" I shout at him with far more force than I intended, now I'm the crazy girl who shouts at her boyfriend in the streets of San Myshuno and he stops walking, turns around to face me and replies with complete seriousness "3 Zoey, there's been 3"

I wasn't expecting there to be 3, I knew Steph would be one of the 3 but in what order on that list does she even appear, like was she the last of the 3 or the first or was there a girl before Steph that he dated.

"I've only ever dated Steph and ofcouse now You Zo" He offers up

"The other two were...?" I ask

"After Steph, with in the weeks after out break up, I was in a bad place and Caleb thought it would help if tried to hook up with girls, the first one was just casual sex for the both of us but the second one got too attached and I had to going to The Stargazer...for a while" He explains

"Oh" I shouldn't ask questions when I'm not ready for the answers.

"I loved Steph and that love doesn't just go away once it's over, I felt, at the time, that I needed an outlet to pour that love into, even if I didn't love the person receiving it, I was messed up Zoey and it was a long time ago and it's the reason I don't do the casual sex thing, it gets too messed up and you're looking at me like I've any chance with you now" I cancer the desperation in his voice.

"You haven't lost me, I ask a question and you gave me a completely honest answer and I respect that Angus. Your past is just that, your past, I didn't know you then so I'm in no position to judge" I assure him

"Thank you Zoey" He sounds relieved

"I liked dancing with you" I tell him, "You're very skilled"

"Wait until I show you my other moves baby" He teases.

Once back inside the apartment I realise how late it actually is.

"Angus it's 3am, we've been out all night and I'm guessing you're getting up in a few hours to go for a run?" I ask him

"I'm skipping my run, just this once" He tells me, as I begin to unpin my hair, "Do you need to shower before bed?" he asks

"Umm yeah, is that ok?"

"Yes Zoey, it's all good, you can use my shower, I put a shower gel in there for you, the girl at the store said it's the best and it smells like strawberries too" he tells me

"Thanks that's so sweet. You're not showering?" I ask.

"I will after you're done baby" he replies

silence falls between us for a moment, I'm engulfed by nerves.

"Zoey, you don't have to do anything you're not ready for" He assures me but I think I am ready to take a smell step

"I'm not ready to have sex with you, not yet, don't get me wrong, I want to Angus but I also want to the moment to be special when we do take that step and I know that sounds sappy but I know I want to share that with you but we are not there yet, please don't get angry, I know you've put in all this effort tonight and I know nights like tonight would usually end in sex but I'm just not ready to take that step yet" I can feel myself getting worked up but I had to say it.

"Oh Zo no, please don't think that I just did all that tonight to get you into bed, I know you're not ready yet and I promise that when you are we will plan it together, I'll make it special for you baby" He assures me

"I'm not ready to have sex tonight but..." Just take the leap Zoey, ask him

"But?" he repeats, curious.

"But will you join me in the shower?" I ask, my heart is in my throat

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured at all" He asks sweetly and I know I'm sure, I can trust him completely

"Yes please"

He stands behind me, slowly unzips my dress and lets it slink to the ground, sweeps my hair to one side and kisses my neck softly, moves his mouth to my ear and whispers "You looked gorgeous baby"

"Thank you" I whisper back, I swear my heart is going to escape my chest and he lets his fingers sweep down my arm until they meet my hands, his hands sit on top of mine and guiding our arms to wrap around me and for a moment it creates a warm, comforting blanket around me.

"Zoey I'm going to remove your underwear, is that ok" He whispers and I nod, unable to speak. His arms leave my own and the feathery touch of his fingers run down my waist, sliding into the sides of my underwear and pushing it down to the floor.

"Step forward" He orders and I obey.

He pushes my clothing aside with his foot, grans my hand and spins me around, I've never been naked in front of a man before and every insecurity starts to play out in my mind. My initial reaction is to cover up but he stops me.

"Zoey you're beautiful, don't be ashamed" He reassures me and I kiss his lips tenderly

"Are you showering in clothes tonight" I ask, giggling

"I wasn't going to but you may need to help me out" he suggests, smirking, taking off his vest. I unbutton his shirt with trembling hands, reaching the last one and I push the shirt down his arms and it floats to the floor. I run my palm down his torso, smiling to myself.

"You're not done yet miss green" He reminds me

"I savouring the moment" I inform him and he laughs

"Fuck you're cute" He says as he leans down to kiss me, "Bu you've gotta keep going"

Pants Zoey, he is hinting for you to remove his pants.

I unbuckle his belt, pull is swiftly through the loops and throw it on the floor all the while maintaining eye contact with his sea blue eyes.

Unbutton his pants and pull the zip down, one push and they hit the floor. The thin red silk of his boxers is all that remains between us now.

"It's ok if you want to stop Zoey" He assures me but I've come this far.

"Im going to touch your arse as I remove your boxers" I warn him, "So if you feel the need to flex to impress me then that would be the time"

He laughs but I feel his but tighten as roll my hands around his cheeks and shimmy him out of his boxers.

There we stand in front of each other, naked, nothing left to hide. I take his hand and lead him into the bathroom, we step inside the shower and he turns the water on, the heat tingles on my bare skin.

"Is the temp ok" He asks concerned, I nod

"It's perfect, you're perfect" I reply, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Zoey, I'm far from perfect, I just didn't want to tell you that you smelt" he laughs and I look at him with a mock surprised look

"So, you only asked me out because I have poor hygiene that you aim to improve?" I ask

"Yeah, it's really bad, it's why I kept staring at you that first day you walked into my gym, I was thinking "Where is that smell coming from" and it was you" He jokes

"You were staring at me that first day?" This time genuinely surprised

"Umm yeah, you were just this beautiful, shy enigma that caught my attention and then that second day, when you said Tess wasn't coming, I'll admit, I thought you just wouldn't talk to me at all"

"I wasn't going to talk to you" I tell him

"Why did you then" he asks curiously

"Because you wouldn't shut up, you just kept asking me questions and I kept watching the time and trying to stay silent, my plan was if I didn't talk then you wouldn't talk to me" I inform him

"I love a challenge baby and your plan was never going to work, I was always going to make you mine" He smiles and spanks me on my behind. We both stand there for a moment, taking in what just happened, the smile is removed from his face and replaced with a look of shock.

"I didn't mean to do that, I got carried away, I'm so sorry" he apologises and I can feel his heart beating faster, he's nervous, I've made Angus nervous!

"I enjoyed it" I reassure him smiling and I'm not lying, it was exciting. I kiss him and he relaxes again

"Let's get you washed Zoey" he says, squeezing strawberry body wash onto a loofa and begins making circles with the loofa, massaging my skin all over until he reaches me breasts, he stops.

"It's ok" I tell him, giving him permission to them. He cups my left one as he cleans it with great attention to detail, soaping up my nipple and giving it a little squeeze, I feel the electric bolt go through me and he follows up the routine on the right side, finishing with the same nipple squeeze, same electric bolt racing through me

"You're gorgeous Zoey" He tells me

"Gorgeous and smelly right" I joke

"No, just gorgeous" He corrects me and I smile.

After our shower we towel off and get dressed in pyjamas, well in my case PJs, he just throws on a fresh pair of boxers.

"I put fresh sheets on Immie's bed" He tells me and I look at him confused

"I thought I'd be sleeping in your bed?" I say

"I had hoped you would too but I didn't want you to feel pressured to"

"I want to, I mean if you're ok with it?" I ask

"Get into the bed Zoey" He smiles

He turns the lights off and climbs in next to me, wrapping me up in his arms, our bodies curving into each other and I feel myself drift off to sleep

"Zoey?" He whispers

"Hmm?" I murmur back

"You're feet are freezing"

"No, I put them between your legs to warm them up, they're warm now"

"No, they're freezing" He laughs

"Shh sleep"

Silence fills the air and again I begin to drift off

"Zoey?" He Whispers

"Hmm?" I murmur back

"I love you"

[chrobinrickhen]

shit that happened

tw for child abuse, beating, physical assault, minor transphobia etc ///

my parents have been abusive to me my whole life. from things starting small with my mom treating me as her spouse and talking to be about things a parent shouldnt talk about with their as young as 3 year old child during times she was in fights with my dad, to while i was younger primarily beating me for simply crying at things (mainly in public places), the total and complete gaslighting of my abusive 5th grade teacher (which was somehow far worse than them lol) etc. however, they never seriously beat me before, as in, all out beating me up with continuous punches kicks and thrashing.

my mom would frequently slap me in the face or punch me once in the back at times as of recent during my years in high school where i struggled to my near (literal) hospitalization and death from mere over exhaustion and stress (i averaged less than 4-5 hours of sleep for all 4 years and my senior year i nearly didnt sleep At All) during my senior year my dad even threatened to kill me during one of my parents outbursts against me simply trying to reason (more like beg! lol!) for them to help me drop out of school because it was destroying me and was more and more traumatizing literally every day and they thought they were justified because “i was so close!” “youve already suffered for so long may as well stick it through!” despite my therapist and psychologist doing the best they can to tyr and get me out. my parents have punched a whole in the wall, thrown and broke things, (thankfully not at me) and simply just been physically threatening with destroying things important to me and my belongings.

however, after i graduated. and after i was diagnosed with ptsd. and after they seemed to become more understanding and learning from their mistakes i thought they were genuinely open to becoming better people and challenging themselves to listen to me and others.

this incidence proved that wrong.

itd been 2 years give or take i genuinely dont even remember what year i graduated lol since he threatened to kill me. i thought they changed and genuinely had formed trust with them that was slowly growing. and then somehow or another the topic of asylum seekers, ice, and the current concentration camps came up, to which my parents responded with some of the genuinely most vile words ive ever heard people say to my face.  i dont even want to try and repeat it here bc im pretty sure you can get the idea. i calmly tried to talk to them, they started to scream, i went up stairs. they continued to shout horrible things to me, that again, im skipping over for my own wellbeing bc it isnt exactly fun to recount. something something “you havent sufferred through shit” she said to me at one point. yes, your child who has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, depression, panic disorder, ptsd, ocd, eating disorder general symptoms, a survivor of school abuse spanning my whole life for not being neurotypical and cishet, and a pending diagnosis for adhd, TOTALLY has not suffered.

anyway, i wanted to die. what they said to me, was so horrific i really just, wanted to die, i kind of lied about it on twitter saying im not actually suicidal dont worry but i highkey was and i dont wanna try and cover that up again. i just didnt want anyone to worry (IM OKAY NOW AND NOT SUICIDAL DONT WORRY this if anything was a good lesson for me to learn) anyway, i told them this. i knew it was kind of shitty and guilty but all i asked of them. is that even if they cannot agree with me, if they would at least care to listen to why this is wrong and accept that they dont know everything like they are convinced they do and yet accuse me of claiming i myself am.

i texted them, that long thing, telling them how i would stay in bed and not eat or drink (for context my sleep schedule was fucked the two days prior and i barely had eaten or drinken) my memory is fucked and i would have to check with my therapist if im confusing this with another instance bc im pretty sure the beating happened the day the argument did but i also remember staying in bed for mulitple days? but anyway thats not important fhdiujng so. they came to me and started screaming shit at me. again. horrible shit. their response to their child saying “im suicidal and would rather die than you be my parents any longer if you refuse to listen to why these people deserve to not be put in cages and die” and their reaction was not concern but screaming, insults, calling me a monster, a puppetmaster (the irony) and I DID NOT. SAY. A WORD. TO THEM. I DID NOT MOVE> i was. completely. still. the entire time. i was weak. i was sick. Literally from dehydration and starvation. and because i did not answer them back they jumped ontop of me and my mom beat the shit out of me and chokeheld me, my dad then also did the same even though he did not hit me, he came close to strangling me before leaving the room. i was swollen and bruised all over including my face it was super visible for whatever reason but my body hurt like a motherfucker for over a week since that happened. i just cried when they left

then an hour later after htey beat me they came up and starting their baby uwu act of “i dont want to fight just go shower and come down and eat your dinner blablabla you know we love you rihgt?” and forcing me to apologize to them whenmy mom literally beat me, my dad screamed in my face with his nose to mine to and they helf my neck in their hands with the intent to cause physical harm to me.

proceeding this the aftershock of trying to process what hat happened was just. a lot as you can imagine. i was so paranoid and uncomfortable the week preceeding this just being aorund them hearing their voices literally everything about my house and them living in it was horrifying to me. my therapist helped me a lot and im ok now but like. they proved to me that they really just cannot be helped. theyre a lost cause. at this point to me, the only thing they are are a financial source to cover my transition and im left with no choice but to force myself to play the puppet. i tried to do a mix of both working with and against them before and it blew up in my face. it sucks but thats what it is and as long as obey their shitty asses ill be fine. i dont know where my future will go but i know and pray that it cannot and will not be with them. the moment i am away from them and my belongings are not in their possession they no longer exist to me unless they genuinely will accept the fact theyre the 2nd reason my ptsd exists.

tl;dr my parents suck and im forced to play their child puppet in order to literally survive their love of me is toxic and based on a false perception of what a child is supposed to be and i regret not calling child protective services on them whe n i had the chance

[the-goddess-of-change]

mother of the bride

it was a sunny summer day, well, late summer, it was the end of August but the sun still shone i was down at the beach with a couple of friends, cracking open a few cold ones as we sat there in a bit secluded area away from the rest of the people we were all here, well..all and all....me and three other friends it was me...John, im 23 and  your typical kinda guy, average at most my friend Tim, he was 24 and the athletic kinda bro guy of the group, always cracking a beer and still having a fit body for some reason and lastly the lady of the honor, Lynn, who is 24 as well and about to get married in a few days we all made a stupid promise some years ago to meet up here when one of us got married and of course Lynn was the first one to find her true love well...not surprising...she's cute, charismatic and always the life of the party so of course she would find one fast, having blonde hair sure helped as well i chugged my beer as Tim put his arms around me and burps into my ear ''Oh fuck's sake'' He laughs as well as Lynn as i wipe my ear of his beer smelling spit ''that's so fucking nasty Tim'' i say looking at him angrily ''Ah dont be like that bro, we're all having fun you know'' he says and gets me another beer ''Ah well...thanks'' i take the beer and put it in the sand next to me as we look over at Lynn ''So you getting ready to get hitched Lynnie ?'' ''Mhm...i am kinda nervous though...'' ''Ah, dont be, Clyde's an amazing guy, he wont mess with you or mess anything up'' That's right...Tim kinda introduced a friend of his named Clyde to her a couple of years ago, he's an okay guy, he owns a clothing store that's gotten quite famous and is doing well for himself ''i know and i love him, im just nervous for the wedding its just so much to do...but hopefully we'll be done soon...'' ''you have the church and such all ready ?'' ''Oh yeah, of course, all that is done with, its just the people whose coming'' ''whats wrong with them'' i ask looking at her ''i just hope all get along that's all'' Tim laughs and finishes his beer ''Of course they will, we are all there for you stupid, its gonna be smooth as hell'' Lynn smiles as she stands up and looks out over the water ''Yeah...Yeah it will'' she smiles as she turns back to us and raises her beer ''To our future then guys'' ''To our future!'' me and Tim shout as we all chug our beers and put on some summer music as we keep on talking and hanging out I think...like three hours later, time kinda flew by i stand up and walks over to some bushes in the back and throws up as my head is just a huge mess after all the drinking ''Ah i fucking knew it! you lost John'' i flip him off while i finish my business and walk back wiping my mouth with my hands ''Fine fine...i threw up first'' They all laugh as they get up and struggles to stand as well ''i think we should head back home and get some food and some rest...'' Lynn says being the voice of reason as always, we all nod as we head to our homes i dont live really far away so i say my goodbyes and head on inside and get myself some glass and water then some more and some more yet again and walk out to the living room and sit down on my chair and close my eyes as my head is spinning back and forth i dont really remember much after that...i wake up in my bed the next day to the sun shining trough my windows and some seagulls making noises outside i yawn and rub my eyes as i thank the stars i dont feel any hungover from yesterday ''Slept trough the whole day...gotta make some food'' i say to myself and head to the kitchen and look in the fridge for some food but find nothing so i just make some toast instead and pour myself a glass of coke the toast finishes warming up as i take them out of the toaster and start eating some food as i check my phone and find a message from Lynn i look at it and read it ''Hey John! Thanks for yesterday, im glad we kept the promise we made together, i hope you're feeling well and if you want call me up when you wake up and well take a trip to the mall, i just gotta get something so it wont take long!'' ''Huh...ill call her after ill eat up'' i check the clock as well on the phone and see it says 12.30 and the message was sent 1 hour ago so she probably hasn't gone yet i finish up my food and call her up it rings for a bit as she picks up ''Oh, Hey John, what's up?'' ''Nothing, just made some food and saw your message'' ''Oh, yeah ? what did you eat?'' ''Toast...'' ''Oh, nice! i did that as well! that is awesome!'' ''Yeah...sure? but you needed to go the mall ?'' ''oh, yeah, i'm all ready now but can you pick me up in like 30 minutes ?'' ''Yeah, that's fine, gotta fix myself up a bit as well so see you then'' ''great, see you soon'' she says and hangs up as i head to the bathroom and brush my teeth as well as splash some water on my face and fix my hair a bit i finish up in the bathroom and head to the bedroom and put on a pair of jeans and a black shirt and walk back to the living room to grab my wallet and keys i lock the door behind me as i leave my home and walk over to the car and get inside and puts on some music as i just drive around a bit til its time to pick up Lynn After driving around for about 30 minutes i stop by her house and texts her that im outside as she waves at me from the windows and walks outside wearing a long skirt and a red floral top she walks over and gets inside and smiles at me ''Thanks for joining me, i asked Clyde if he wanted to come but he said no and Tim was busy'' ''Oh, dont worry about it, i need some stuff over there as well'' ''Oh, great!'' she smiles and hooks up her music into the car ''i drive, i decide the music, thats the rules'' ''Well im getting married soon so i get privilege'' i shrug at the statement and just drives us over to the mall and park the car as close as possible as we head inside as we step inside we find it kinda desolate, not many people around but the soft cold breeze is welcome ''So where first?'' ''like you need to ask'' she says and heads over to a coffee shop and gets her regular coffee and me one as well'' ''Thanks'' i say and sip it ''No worries, its the rule, driver gets a coffee right?'' i smile and nod ''true that'' She smiles and heads over to clothing shop and walk inside ''you need to get clothes now ?'' ''Noo, just browsing but nothing i want here'' she says and just walks out with me behind her ''So...do you actually need something here or just wanted to relax a bit away from the stress at home ?'' She turns around and looks at me and pokes my head ''I guess, Clyde is running around being on the phone all day and i just wanted to give him some space since he said it was fine'' ''Shouldn't you both be planning it?'' ''Yeah but i got the church, the locales, the food, the invitations and the music, all he has to do is check with the bank about the loan and some other stuff'' I nod at her as keep on walking trough the mall gazing at the stores we walk past as Lynn walks a bit faster and heads into a store i follow her and walk inside as i hear some sorta creepy kinda low music inside ''You always go in here...'' i tell her as she smiles at me ''Mhm! i always get one of these'' she says and walk over and gets a mystery bag next to the counter ''Get one as well silly'' i shrug as i walk over and looks at the bags, it just says the prices on them from 10-25-50-100 A man walks out from the door behind the counter and smiles at us ''Welcome back Lynn'' he says and smiles at her ''Hey Allan, ill have this one today'' she says and puts the 50 dollar bag on the counter and urges me to pick one as well i sigh and get the 100 dollar one for funsies ''Oh, very well then, but be careful, whats inside them even i dont know, and these all powerful magic objects'' he grins as we just pay for our stuff and leave the store Lynn smiles at me ''i love that little store, its so cute'' ''it brands itself as selling occult stuff...'' ''Well yeah but its just silly fun and i love that kinda stuff, remember my goth phase at school when we were younger and all'' ''i do remember that...'' ''i just got kinda into it then and since then its always been a kinda silly fun thing i do and you even bought one!'' ''i did yeah...'' She nods at me as she picks up her cellphone as someone is calling her i walk over to a bench and sit down as i watch her walking around talking on her phone After talking for about 5 minutes she hangs up and walks over to me ''i gotta go home now, my mom is visiting so i gotta talk to her'' ''Oh ? okay then, ill drive you home'' she smiles at me as we head over to the car and i drop her off at her house, she gives me a hug then walks out and walks inside her house as i drive home to my own house and walk inside and put the bag i bought on the table and sigh deeply as i look at it ''100 dollar...what was i thinking but this better be good...'' i say and open the bag and gently lay out the items on the table first there are a few packets of tea powder...some crystals...a weird looking demon skull which is kinda neat and and a small note inside it ''Your next kiss might come as a suprise but do not worry, your lives are intertwined ''that was...boring...'' ''Well...i guess that works so i paid 100 dollars for nothing'' i turn on the tv and starts watching whatever is on After watching tv for some hours i get a call from Lynn i pick up the phone and answer ''Hey Lynn'' ''Oh thank you, look John, can you do me a favor?'' ''Yeah i guess, what do you need ?'' ''i was just wondering if you can drive my mom home...we all had some wine so we cant really drive...'' ''Ah...i mean i guess when do you need me to be there ?'' ''Can you come as soon as possible ?'' ''yeah ill drive over now, see you in 10'' i hang up as i get the keys then get in the car and drive over as Lynn's mother, Cynthia is waiting outside me for me, she gets in the car and smiles ''Thank you so much John...i dont really want to pay for a taxi'' ''It's no worries Cynthia, ill drive you home'' she smiles at me as i drive her home to her house ''There we go'' ''Thank you so much John'' she says and kisses my cheek as she walks out of the car and head inside as i drive back home and check the time ''22.00....i should get some sleep'' i say as i yawn and brush my teeth and head over to the bed and lie down on it as i pull the blanket over me and slowly drift into sleep i start to dream where i find myself back on the beach again, but its now later in the day as the sun is still barely shining i walk around the beach as i see something in the distance i walk over as i see people and an altar and i spot Lynn standing there in the wedding dress she showed me and Clyde next to her in a snazzy suit looking really damn classy i just stand behind them as no one notice as someone walks up to me and tap my shoulder i turn around and look at the person as i see it's Cynthia ''Oh, hey Cynthia'' ''wait ? why arent you up there ?'' ''Oh please, i dont have time for that'' she says and takes me hand and drags me with her to a more secluded place as she starts making out with me ''is this really happening?'' i say to her as she stops kissing me and she smiles at me and gently removes her dress ''isn't this...what you want ?'' ''N-no... i mean, you're beautiful and all but damn...'' ''Oh dont be like that...'' she puts her finger over my mouth as she takes my other hand and gently forces it towards her breasts as i try to pull back i cant for some reason as i touch it ''Just like that yeah'' she says smiling at me as i just say fuck it since its a dream and we start making out again after making out for a while i wake up and to the sound of rain hitting my window ''oh fuck...well...meh'' ''the best part was coming and all'' i yawn and rub my eyes as i get out of bed and walk over to the bathroom and take a piss then wash my face and brush my teeth and head over to the kitchen and start preparing some breakfast Yet as i sit down to eat i feel a strange feeling all over my body a sorta...feeling like you get when you're dizzy i rub my eyes and take a deep breath and close my eyes and open them back up as i head over to the bathroom and splash some water on my face yet the water does nothing as i feel more and more dizzy as i quickly walk over to my bedroom and lie back on the bed and close my eyes as i start to see something i see...Cynthia yet again, just standing there looking at me...smiling as she vanishes and i open my eyes again and rub my eyes as i feel something strange against my eyes i look at my hands and notice something rather strange my nails looks longer and weirdly beige... as i look yet again i can see my fingers looking longer...more petite and slender and..the skin is kinda softer... ''the shit...?''i say and get up and walk to the bathroom and splash some water on my face and yawn ''fuck...what the hell...'' standing there splashing even more water on my face i see something across my hands now i have never really gone into exercising a lot, i do train at home and keep in shape but this looked...weird my arms were slender and longer and all the hair was gone on both my arms, not a trace left as i looked at my slender hands i saw my shoulders in the mirror getting smaller and matching the shape of my hands a lot more my broad shoulders faded in turning smaller and more proportionate to my arms ''okay okay...this is not...normal or like a sickness...'' i walk over and sit down on the toilet as i feel my legs cramping up ''Ahhh!!!'' i remove my pants and look down as the hair on my legs starts to fall down on the floor, my feet get smaller and smaller as i go from a size 41 to a size 36 it creeps up my legs as they turn smaller...yet again more petite and my thighs turns wider as well i stand back up as the pain goes away and notice i feel shorter than before ''Ahh...shit, whats going on...'' i say in confusion as i run my hands across my back as i notice my butt feels more...plump...bigger and rounder i turn around and look down as i see my ass looking more...feminine.... a lot more feminine, like the kind that shows of good when wearing some tight jeans... ''what the....shit...?'' ''i'm smaller and my ass is bigger...what is going on here...?'' i look around my medicine cabinet struggling to reach the top to see if i accidentally took some kinda wrong medicine there but there is nothing bad in there ''Nothing theee-...'' i struggle to say the rest as it feels like someone knocked the air out of me, like i was punched right in the stomach i gasp for air as i remove my shirt who feels to damn hot for me and look down at my stomach to see my stomach is now flat and...i have a waist...like a hourglass waist ''Ahh...ahhh...ahh...'' i gasp more for air as it slowly returns to me as i head over to my bedroom and open the window to let some air in ''okay okay okay...fuck, something is totally wrong here...'' i slowly stick my head out of the window and take a few deep breaths ''okay okay..that felt..good at least...'' i close the window as i start to feel cold and walk back to the bathroom as i feel something else... all over my face now, the pain...my bones...i touch my face as i can feel the bones moving around there, it cracks and moves around as i feel it moving around on my hands but..i dont feel any pain from it...i can just feel it changing...and moving around somehow..yet that's not even it...as i hold my hands to my face i can feel hair brushing against my hand i usually...dont have long hair, i had a few years ago but not this long i drag some hair in front of my eyes as i can see its blonde...and even longer than before i dont know where it stops but id guess below my shoulders at least that's where it stops when it finishes so i find out then ''okay okay...i got blonde hair...that makes no sense...'' i struggle to walk over to the bathroom wearing just my shorts i feel something inside me like something is different...i cant tell what but...i just feel it inside there as i walk over i feel this...its like i just finished myself off...my body shakes and i feel...horny... i look around the room then down at my bare chest as i see my chest getting bigger my nipples grows larger and my breasts grows larger as well as they start to form and growing larger forming to perfectly round breasts i look down in horror but as soon as that finishes i feel something...that i cannot describe waves of pleasure hits my body over and over again a sensation of warm gentle waves hitting me over and over my shorts falls down on the floor as i kick them away and i panic as i look at my hands and wrap them around my breasts and look down as i see nothing down there...nothing at all there is nothing there...nothing between my legs except...something else and its warm...and just by feeling that i already know what it is ''H-holy...shiiiiiitttt'' i say as i hear my voice has changed and i reach the bathroom and look at myself and see...the last woman i saw Cynthia is looking back at me, moving as i do...i touch my hair and the mirror does the same ''im...im...'' i hear my voice but im still in shock as i stand there in my fear i hear my door open and someone walking inside i quickly without thinking run to my bed and wrap the blanket around myself and walk out to see...Cynthia standing there, as she spots me, she looks...shocked i open my voice to talk but nothing comes out as we just look at each other as Cynthia slowly walks over and looks at me ''oh my goddness...it..it..its true..''' i look at her with shock and confusion ''M-my dream...it was...but that means..that i...you...John'' she tries to finish her sentence as she just looks at me almost like she is frozen in time i get my hand out of my blanket and touch her as she just vanishes right there in front me, her clothes fall down on the floor and i feel like something flowing into me a gust of wind blows against me as i feel like something happened... i look where Cynthia once stood and just find her dress lying on the floor as i hear something ''J-John, if you can hear me please say yes...'' i look around but can't see anyone else around ''Hello...? Cynthia?'' i say out loud as the voice returns ''okay...okay...now listen to me and dont question anything because just as me, im sure you have no idea whats going on but...let me tell you...'' I nod as hold the blanket tightly around me ''First...okay..im...im kinda inside you...like...im speaking to you...i dont know why you turned into me but last night i had this strange dream...it made no sense'' ''i was in this...i dont know, strange room where someone was speaking to me...they told me -You kissed him, you cursed him, you and him are now together forever...- it said...'' ''i didn't understand but i woke up and i felt...weird...and i remembered my dream and came here as fast as i could...'' ''But but...what ? why ?'' ''i dont know...But...we are together forever for now...i will be here...and you will be...me...'' ''Be...you ? i..i dont...'' ''you think i know ? i dont know what's going on, right now i cant tell you where i am...im seeing the same as you but...i cant move my arms or anything...'' i move my arm as i normally would feeling nothing different apart from you know...all this ''i dont know what is going on but you can't...i dont...just, its going to be okay ?'' ''is it ?! i turned into you! i am a woman! i'm you! and i'm i'm...'' ''Dont even say it, i'm not old'' ''Well...you know compared to me...'' ''Compared to me?'' ''Compared to me!'' ''You are me now, i know it makes no sense as i've said but this is just how it is...'' ''Well, there has to be some way to get back...'' ''.....'' ''Well....?'' ''...i dont know...i dont think so but...please just take it easy for now...'' ''Take it easy...? How ?'' ''Well first of all...check behind your door'' i walk over and open the door as i spot a bag outside of it, i pick it up and walk inside with it and look inside to see something i see some keys, a wallet, and a bunch of clothes ''This is my wallet with my I.D and the keys to my home and clothes because you need to get dressed and...tell Lynn....'' ''...fuck...'' i sigh as i look into the bag and get out some jeans, a top and some...rather sexy underwear ''ill help you trough it...just please...we got no choice! i dont even know if we can turn back so...'' ''What ?'' i say feeling my heart kinda sink down as i carry the bag to my room i put the clothes on the bed and remove my blanket and look down at my naked body Not even thinking clearly i spot my reflection in my wardrobe i left open as the i see my whole body mirror image in it ''.....'' ''What...? dont look at...well...uhm...what...what do you think ?'' ''You're asking what i think of your naked body?'' ''Well...our naked body but yes..'' ''...it looks pretty nice...'' ''Thanks'' she says as i feel kinda warm but i quickly move away and put on some clothes, first the underwear then secondly the bra, then the jeans and last the top as i see the top of my breasts from the top ''There we go...dressed for now...'' i nod slowly as i head over to the mirror again and look at the reflection ''Are you admiring it or ?'' ''Well...Cynthia...you did look amazing...even before....'' ''And now?'' ''Still looks good...'' ''i never took you for a milf John'' ''I'm not but...now i am one...damn...fuck!'' i shake my head and sigh as i head over to the kitchen feeling my breasts jiggle as i do ''Now we have to call Lynn...'' ''Damn it...this is not gonna make any sense...'' ''We have to...we can't keep it hidden...?'' ''Well her wedding is tomorrow...she is going to freak out...'' ''i guess so...but im still her mother and i was always honest with her and she will understand...so please...for me?'' ''Fine cynthia...or...yeah..'' i walk over and pick up the phone as i take a deep sigh and call lynn ''Hey John'' she says as i take a deep breath ''Uhm...this is cynthia it is kinda weird but i had to pick up something over at John and im using his phone but could you come over here ? i kinda want to invite you out..?'' ''Oh...okay...uhm...okay mommy, ill be there in 10 minutes'' she says and hangs up ''You'e gonna tell me exactly what to say...'' ''i know and i will...'' 10 minutes pass and Lynn knocks on the door as i let here inside ''Hey mom' 'she smiles and hugs me as i feel our breasts push together ''H-Hey Lynnie'' ''So...what are you doing here?'' ''Well...uhm lets sit down and i will tell you'' ''Tell her not to panic...'' ''Do not panic or like freak out but...this is going to make no sense...but...im John...'' Lynn looks at me weirdly ''What ?'' ''i'll try to explain but...i think its because of what happened at the store...i bought the bag that had some things in it'' i point at the table as Lynn picks up the note and reads it ''You kissed John ?'' ''N-no...Cynthia kissed me on the cheek as a thanks for driving her home...you know she has done that a lot before... Lynn nods slowly as she knew Cynthia had been kissing my cheek before as we were good friends and knew each other ''i didnt know or did she but she had a weird dream last night then came here...then she just vanished as i had turned into her but...she is not gone...she is still here inside me i guess...?'' ''okay if that is true, prove it....cuz this is insane'' ''okay, tell her that when she was 1 year old, she had a special pluhsie, a white rabbit that she kept til she turned 16 when she gave it away to her cousin'' ''okay, cynthia told me to tell you about your rabbit plushie you got when you were 1 year old and then at 16 you gave it to your cousin...'' Lynn stands up and looks at me ''Holy...so...mom is with...you John ?'' i nod slowly as she looks at me ''Then you turned into her...and she is inside you ?'' i nod at her as she walks over to me and looks at me ''Soo...you turned into my mom ?'' ''Yeah..'' ''But how do i know you're not teasing me mom?'' ''Easy, we got drunk at the beach and i puked first since we had a promise to meet up there'' ''oh my god...this is just...oh my god...i dont know what to do...'' ''you think i do ?! i turned into Cynthia, your mom!'' Lynn looks at me ''yeah ? and how does it feel being an old woman ?'' ''Old im not old'' Cynthia says to me ''I'm not old...im 48! and it feels...weird'' ''i guess you'd say that, how does these feel'' she says and pokes my breasts as i stand up and look at her ''Dont do that...and it feels weird...its like being poking on something soft'' ''Yeah well now you know how i felt when you did it to tease me'' ''Fair enough...but look...i dont know what to do...i dont even know if i can change back!'' ''oh, ill call Allan and talk to him then'' ''Yeah, do that please!'' Lynn nods and calls up Allan and explains it to him as she just says yes a lot and nodding to herself she finishes the call and looks over at me ''okay so...Allan said...uhm...that this havent happened before and he thought i was joking but...he just sells the stuff, he dont make them...so who knows...so ill call this number he gave me instead I nod as she calls it up and waits for reply and as they answer she explains the situation again The same happens, she just says yes a lot after that she ends the call after some minutes and looks over at me and tilt her head slightly ''okay so...uhm...i talked to someone there and they said...well...'' ''Yeah ?'' ''Well, they dont write notes and put it in the bag...they said someone else did it and had no idea what im talking about'' ''So...they dont know ?'' ''Nope...but...look...john...'' ''Yeah?'' She giggles and walks over to me and hugs me again ''my mom is still there, you just have her body stupid and being a woman isn't really all that different...well i mean...i was never a guy...but'' ''Yeah...? where are you going with this?'' ''Well...just that...i dont know, try have fun ? i know you look like my mom and all but my mom is inside you so i can talk to her as well and it wont be...weird...'' ''Won't be weird ? you know i used to be John right?'' ''Yeah but then we just...live with, like you told me'' ''.....fair enough...'' ''And look and i will be serious here, we will probably never find out what happened or like why, the note i guess but that just explains something, but you're Cynthia now, and probably til you die so just go on, mom is inside you and will help you'' I nod slowly as i realize she is right, i probably wont ever go back...or ever find out more on what happened...i dont really like it but...it could be worse... i stand up and sigh as i feel something weird ''Uhm...bathroom Cynthia'' i hear Cynthia tell me as i look at Lynn ''Excuse me then...'' i say and head into the bathroom and sit down and feel weird as i pee...as a girl for the first time ever....but it does feel better than doing it as a guy...weirdly enough... i flush and walk back out as Lynn giggles at me ''Soooo ? how was it ?'' ''Peeing as a girl ?'' ''oh god...shut up'' ''I wanna know, come on'' ''Felt better...'' i say slowly'' Lynn smiles at me and nods ''Okay then, look...uhm...like i gotta go home and prepare but...please come to the wedding tomorrow ? mommy will help you trough it...Cynthia'' she smiles and hugs me tightly as she waves goodbye and leave as i sit down on my chair and sigh ''She's right...i cant miss the wedding...'' ''Thank you...it means a lot to me to my daughter on her day...'' ''Yeah...but Cynthia...can i call you something else then since im you now ?'' ''Sure, what did you have in mind?'' ''i dont know...'' ''okay, call me...Laura then'' ''Laura ? okay'' ''So...do i gotta like do something today ?'' ''No, just get up early and get your hair and make-up done, you have the dress so and i put some high heels in the bag as well....i know its going to be hard to walk on them but we practice now and my body has been using them a lot so it should come easily'' ''And Cynthia ?'' ''Yeah ?'' ''You're me now...and remember i've always been a woman so...act like me and be more...in touch with your feminine side'' I sigh but nods slowly as i head up to the bedroom and look in the bag and get out some high heels and slowly put them on and try walking around as i put them on and walk it does feel weird but like Laura said, the muscle instincts kicks in and i walk around them pretty well ''Very good and remember to sway your butt a bit'' i does as i say as we keep doing that for a while as i walk over and make some food while Laura teaches me how to prepare my food better, i finish up eating as i yawn and head to bed i take of my clothes and lie down in my underwear as i just wrap the blankets around me and just wanna drift away into my own dreamworld...just for a bit As i fall asleep and start dreaming i find myself in a large garden i walk over to a pond that appears in the middle of the garden and look at my reflection but im still...Cynthia but as i hear that someone calls my name i turn around and look at someone who looks a lot like Cynthia except she has black hair instead of blonde like me...like me... ''Laura ?'' i say without thinking as she nods and walks over to me and hugs me ''I guess our dreams are connected somehow'' ''Yeah...this is weird'' ''it really is...but im glad to kinda...not be in that place all the time'' ''what place is it ? where are you?'' ''i dont know, i see trough your eyes but i cant move or anything...so i guess just inside you..i feel what you do and so on..'' i nod at her as she smiles and pokes my cheek and my casual clothing turns into the black dress she had on her when she came to me ''it looks good...'' i look at my reflection in the water and nod ''it does look...nice yes'' ''im glad you're not angry or anything i guess we are both...angry for what happened but...neither of us knew...'' I nod at her ''But...this is usually what you dream about ? walking around this garden?'' ''Not really...it just appeared...'' ''okay'' she says as we just kinda start walking around the garden as more stuff appears in front of us ''So...how do you feel about going to the wedding tomorrow ?'' ''i dont care...its Lynn's day...i have to be there for her...and if i go as you...that's fine as well'' Laura smiles at me ''Thank you'' ''After i lost my husband i kinda...felt like everything fell apart for me...but Lynnie was always there for me and cheered me up and together we came trough it together'' i nod at her ''But that was...20 years ago...and while she was just a child...she made it bearable'' I nod at her again while we keep on walking ''But...thats in the past now...we move forward...'' ''Yeah...i guess we do'' i say as the world vanishes and i wake back up in my bed i rub my eyes and yawns as i look around the room and see nothing has changed there but i can feel my body is still Cynthia's i sigh and get out of bed as Laura tells me to just put on the dress and the heels and i do as told i get ready and eat some breakfast as its time to get the pre-wedding events done, luckily all can be done at the hair stylist, so i drive over there to meet a woman who fixed my hair and applies some make-up on me, making me kinda question how beautiful one can actually get... ''you like it...'' Laura says as i just give her a quick nod as the woman finishes up and smiles i pay her and we say our goodbyes as we have one more stop which is laura's home she leads me to her bedroom and helps me put on some jewelry as we finally head to the church ''Before we sit down i want to talk with Lynn...'' ''Yeah...lets find her'' i ask the priest who leads me to where she is i find lynn sitting on a chair wearing her beautiful wedding dress and her hair in a cute bun ''Mommy!'' she says and runs over to me but quickly stops and calms down but still hugs me ''Thanks for coming...im so nervous...'' ''Want me to talk to you...or your mom ?'' ''You are my mom...'' she smiles weakly as i sigh weakly and nod at her ''Dont be nervous Lynn...you look...amazing...like honestly...i can feel...your mother crying inside me at the sight of you...'' ''R-Really ?'' ''She and i are proud of you...and it will be fine..and...im here as your mom today...not someone else, okay ?'' Lynn smiles at me as we hug each other yet again ''you know what to do mom'' she says and smiles weakly as i nod and listen to Laura's explanations my job is to walk up to the altar next to Clydes mother as we stand next to the bridesmaids... i take a deep breath as first the maides walks up, then the flower child then us, we walk up towards them each holding a candle of unity as we stand next to our families as the wedding bells rings i look over at Clyde standing there in the suit smiling at me as i spot her, the door slowly opens as Lynn walks up to the altar they each tell their vows and kiss each other as i feel Laura crying tears of joy as i do as well... They finish the kiss and walks slowly out as the music plays, people stand outside and throws rice at them and they get in a car and drive to the engagement party and we soon follow then we reach the area, a huge mansion with a large garden filled with white wedding flowers and decorated with their names on the banners i walk inside the mansion and find my seat right next to Lynn and we sit down as Lynn walks inside wearing her wedding dress and walks up to me ''....so...'' she looks at me and noticed my make-up has run a bit and i see a tear roll down her cheek as well ''...oh my god...'' she runs over to me and hugs me tightly as i do the same to her as a photographer takes a picture of us ''Thank you mom...i love you...thank you so much...im so glad you're here...'' ''Of course i would be here...'' i say hearing my voice crack as it does....both me and Laura can feel our tears rolling but...seeing her like this, feeling this feeling...seeing her happiness is just...its all...indescribable i did feel...proud but not for a friend but something kinda deeper...i guess laura was kinda helping with that but still... As we hug each other Clyde walks over and smiles at us ''Thank you Cynthia'' he says as i smile and just hug him ''i know you will treat her right Clyde'' he smiles and nods as we all sit down on our places and food arrives as we start to eat, i look over at Lynn who smiles and enjoys her dinner she's smiling and talking to the people next to her as i just look at her beauty... ''She's beautiful right ?'' ''Yeah..'' ''so are we Cynthia'' ''I..i know we look good but...what can i say to that?'' ''Yes ?'' ''Yes then i guess'' i smile weakly we finish up our food as people start to drink wine and champagne and enjoy themselves, i look over at Lynn who raises her glass at me and smiles as we both take a sip together i mingle with the other guests and have a pretty decent time as i find Lynn talking with Tim, i slowly walk over and listen in ''That fucking dick couldn't even come for some stupid cold ?'' ''that is so fucking weak'' ''....its okay Tim, he said he didnt want to make anyone else sick...'' ''yeah but god damn...he ditched ya on your wedding day, that is just and sorry but fucking weak'' Lynn sighs and notices me and looks down a bit but then smiles up at me ''its fine, okay Tim ? i said its fine and he's with us here in our hearts, okay ?'' ''that's optimism bs but okay...well...congrats Lynn'' Lynn just nods and walks away softly to talk to some other guests The night goes on and i have a pretty good time altogether as Lynn thanks the guests for coming and walk over to me once everyone is gone i look at her as she looks at me ''So...what did you think ?'' ''it was perfect'' ''Thanks mom...its going to be weird to say that now but...i dont mind, you were always my friend...and now you are...closer in a sense...'' she smiles and kisses my lips and giggles as she walks away ''oh my...'' ''yeah...that came out of nowhere...'' ''it did...didnt know she was such a good kisser'' i can feel Laura laughing i think about the kiss as i sit on with a couple as they drop of my home as i walk inside i yawn tiredly and head to the bathroom and brush my teeth after that ordeal is over i head over to the bedroom and take of my dress and carefully lie it over a chair and look out the window ''Hey Cynthia ?'' ''Yeah ?'' ''...you feel more content...more relaxed'' ''...yeah..seeing lynn happy like that made me kinda relax...she looked happy and had fun'' ''Did you have fun ?'' ''i did'' ''me to'' i smile as i yawn and lie down in bed ''Tomorrow we can sleep at my home...you can actually sell this place...'' ''i've been thinking that...saves the money and we have everything at your home...'' ''We ?'' ''Yeah..we'' ''Well, see you soon then Cynthia'' Laura says as i drift into sleep yet again This time i dont find myself in the Garden anymore but this time in a city landscape instead the streets are all empty and the skies are just a blank and blue as laura appears next to me ''Oh, Hey Cynthia'' she smiles at me as i smile back at her ''Hey Laura'' ''Where are we ?'' i ask and look at her ''not sure...i guess just some city we made up together'' laura says looking around as people start to appear one by one ''But if this is our dreams ? why aren't you...you know ? John?'' ''Because ill wake up and wont be anymore so its no point...i'm getting used to it sure but...it is still something that is going to take some time'' Laura nods and we start walking up the street ''This is kinda strange but do you feel...?'' ''feel what?'' ''No i mean...this is a dream right ? but im smelling the gass from the cars and...the ground against my feet...'' when she says that i notice she is right, i can actually...feel things inside the dream...i smell all sorts of smells and feel the fabric of my clothes against my body ''This is...how ?'' ''i dont know maybe its one of those things that can't be explained....'' ''like everything the past days ?`'' Laura smiles and nods As we walk trough the city i look at the humans we walk past as Laura pokes me ''Hey...you're staring at the girls...'' ''Yeah...? why is that wrong ?'' ''Nothing but...you're a woman'' ''Right...so i can't do both?'' Laura smiles and shrugs ''i guess you can do whatever you want'' ''well, this is just a dream...'' ''Mhm so since this is a dream and you can feel...is there nothing you have wanted to try out ?'' ''like ? i turned into a woman in real life...?'' ''thats kinda my point...you barely looked at yourself naked...and you said i looked good...and you dont even want to try out the body?'' i turn and look at her kinda shocked ''I..uhm...it never came to mind...'' ''oh please, i know it did..we're together in this'' ''....lets not go there then'' Laura smiles and we keep on walking trough the streets as Laura stops by a store and looks inside as i walk back over to her she looks at a dress, its red and kinda showy off ''Laura?'' She turns to look at me and smiles as she holds my hand and walk into the stores and talks to the woman behind the counter and points at the dress then at me as the woman nods at her ''Come here, i want to try it on you'' ''The dress ? why?'' ''Because its going to look nice on you and this is a dream right ? just go with it'' i shrug and just do as she says and goes with it as we head into a changing room and she helps me put on the dress and looks at my reflection while i would never say it loud....it did look...amazing...it showed off my curves and body perfectly...even...as i was older i still looked...great ''You look gosh darn amazing Cynthia! you should buy it'' ''But none of this is real...'' ''So what ?'' she looks at me sternly ''You're me now, stop trying to...just ignore that, wake up and smile and i will show you something when we wake up'' i sigh at her ''Fine fine Laura'' She smiles as we pay the dress with some money we just made appear We both smile but as soon as we walk out the door i wake up i open my eyes and rubs them as i yawn and gently sit up in bed ''....Morning Laura'' ''Oh...good morning Cynthia...had a good time?'' ''Yeah...it was okay'' i smile as i stretch my body and walk over to my wardrobe and get out some clothes as i notice my reflection once again all i'm wearing is the bra and underwear and nothing else ''so okay, im going to tell you now, okay ?'' ''Hmmm?'' ''Just trust me when i say this'' Laura says ''First you unhook the bra...'' i do as i tell her and unhook the bra as it falls onto the floor as i gaze at my naked breasts ''Then you remove the panties...'' i nod at her as i slide them down my legs ''Then you walk to the bed and close your eyes and think of something...'' ''Are you teaching me to...please myself?'' ''i am teaching you to please us'' i can feel her smiling i sigh and close my eyes as imagine something...i think and think but nothing comes to mind as i feel Laura trying to help me i open my eyes as i can feel my body getting warmer and warmer ''Now touch your breasts with your hand while the other goes between your legs and gentle rub the sides while i help you'' i do as i say as i gently touch my breast with one hand and rub my womanhood with the other hand gently as i feel nice and warm i let out a little moan as Laura keeps on helping me but after a while it just stops working as i stand up and walk over to the wardrobe and positions the mirror so it faces myself and walk back to the bed i look at my own reflection playing with herself as i do the same enjoying it greatly more i look at my reflection and glee with happiness as each time i feel it across my fingers it brings me closer and closer to the climax the waves of pleasure hits me over and over again as i hear Laura She speaks in a soft whispered tone ''You're great...you're a queen Cynthia...i love you...my queen'' ''Ah...yes...'' she keeps on talking to me as i climax yet it dont stop as i keep on going more and more I finish up and gently remove my finger and licks it clean as i feel all tingly and good inside ''oh my god...'' i say to myself ''Y-yeah..that took me a bit...out of it..'' Laura says ''...i know you tried to help but...i like women...i mean...i you know and seeing me...like this...here...it just felt...nice...'' ''No, i understand and if it helps...it was the best i ever had...'' Maybe for the first time i genuinely smile at that statement i get dressed, putting on a cute skirt Laura bright with her and a white top as well and makes myself some breakfast then brush my teeth as i get my phone and checks for something new on it ''Hey...Cynthia?'' ''Yeah?'' ''You're wearing a skirt and you just put it on'' ''Yeah its kinda weird but...looking at myself naked...i felt like i kinda wanted to wear something kinda nice so i could see my legs...'' Laura dont really reply to that as i walk to the living room and sit down on the chair as the phone beep i look over and see its a message from Lynn saying she is on her way ''Lynn is coming over...'' ''Okay, its going to be fine Cynthia'' she says as the doorbell rings as i walk over and let Lynn inside ''Hey mom'' ''Hey Lynn....not tired after your wedding?'' ''No...i'm fine and Clyde is sleeping because he had a bit to much last night'' she giggles and hugs me ''im really glad you came...Mom...you and mommy...'' ''me and mommy?'' ''Yeah, the mom inside you'' ''oh, right'' She smiles and sits down on the sofa and looks at me ''So...was it weird...seeing me like that ? with the wedding gown and all ?'' ''No, you looked amazing Lynn...i was honestly...it was beautiful, honestly'' Lynn smiles at me as i smile back at her ''Hey...you know...it was..weird...and hard to handle, but i know my mom is there and you must be scared as well but...its gonna be okay'' she speaks confidently as i nod back at her ''Yeah, its going to be fine Lynn...its maybe going to take a bit to get used to it all but...of all the people who kissed me...i was glad it was Cynthia...or me..'' ''oh ? tells now honestly why?'' ''I well...your mom is i mean...i am...'' ''Hot and amazing looking for her age and you always had a thing for her?'' ''Fine sure, yes, i did'' ''And now you are her'' ''yeah'' ''Well you make a god mom'' she giggles and looks at me ''well...me and your mommy...i think we get on better and better as she teaches me and i start to kinda...feel more in the role'' ''Meaning?'' ''you calling me mom feels okay for starters'' ''Awww, that is kinda cute in a weird sorta way'' ''You think so?'' ''Yeah, i do Mom'' I smile at her and we end up talking for a few hours just chatting about mostly random stuff and more down to earth stuff as Lynn has to leave ''Hey Mom ? this was pretty great actually...i had a good time'' ''i did as well'' ''Well then...mom, you take care'' she says and kisses my cheek and walk outside as i wave goodbye at her Me and Laura talks for a bit as we decide to go over to her house instead, its much larger than my home and more classy...a lot more classy I look around the house as Laura shows me around and tells me where everything is ''So...i guess this is where we live now ? ill talk to the landlord about moving out from the old house and just kinda live here instead...and its so nice'' ''You think so ? i'm glad you feel that way Cynthia'' I walk around the house as i reach the bedroom and sits down on the bed and looks around, its your typical kinda bedroom, a big double bed, a large wardrobe filled with clothes, a nightstand, a window..and so on i walk over to the wardrobe and look inside and find your typical kinda of clothing, some jeans, tops, shirts, underwear, shoes and lots of dresses ''Okay...wow...you have a lot of clothes...'' ''i guess i do'' Laura says as i can feel her smiling i look inside it some more and spots a rather...actually nice looking dress, its black as the other one but it has a long V-neck instead and a slit down the legs, i gently pull it out as i look at it looking at it i cant argue that it wouldn't look good on me...that's for sure so i decide to...put it on for some reason i take of the skirt and top and gently slide into the dress as i feel it pressing tightly against my skin and walk over to a mirror Laura had placed on a corner in the room probably for the same reason to use it as i am now its a full body mirror and as i walk over to it i gaze at my own reflection in it and feel...content or something it does fit my body perfectly, its just right and it shows of my legs as well as breasts....not to much but enough to make some people turn around and look ''You like it'' Laura says as i nod at her and gently tilt my head a bit and look at my reflection ''i think it looks good on you, sweetie'' Laura says as i feel myself yet again getting warmer as Laura laughs ''and i think i know a little more about you know Cynthia'' i shrug and just find myself enchanted by the look of the dress on me ''Hey Cynthia, it's been a long day...we should make some food'' ''oh...yeah, when you mention it i am feeling hungry'' i walk down to the kitchen and start cooking up some food as Laura helps me prepare the food and i sit down and start eating in the kitchen drinking a glass of red wine as i finish up the food i cooked and put it away i look around some more as i start to feel rather drowsy and check the time seeing that it has already gotten quite late so i decide its a good time to get some sleep i reluctantly take off the dress and brush my teeth as i lie down in my new bed which feels miles better than my old bed and gently drifts of into sleep but this time...it feels different i find myself in just a room with two chairs and a table i gently walk over to the table and run my hands across it and sit down on the chair looking down at the table as Laura appears and sits down next to me i look over at her and see her black hair she had previously is now blonde like mine but shorter she smiles at me at me and i look at her ''you're feeling conflicted?'' she asks me i just shrug at the question as she starts looking over at the table ''i think you should kinda just go with the flow like we have all said Cynthia'' ''i am going with the flow, i went to the wedding, Lynn is taking it well and...i dont know'' ''i don't think that's the reason, you have always had a thing for me Cynthia'' i look over at her ''and now that you are me, you're feeling weird and since im here with you, i think you're holding a bit back'' ''....maybe'' ''Well then dont, i dont want you to just waste my life away...i want you to enjoy it and have some fun, you have lynn see you as me now, and i have some friends as well that you are going to love to meet'' ''So i will help you...we stick together now'' i smile at her while she holds my hands ''it's going to be fine, if you want to enjoy my body more, i will show you the way, if you want to walk around naked, do it, if you want to dress up and going trough my clothes, do it'' ''you think about me, even now you think about me'' ''well...yeah, im talking to you'' ''you know what i mean and it's fine okay ?'' i stand up from the chair and look at her as i sigh then smile at her ''i might take it to far'' ''you wont because im here to keep you in check'' ''Thank you...'' i say as she walks over to me and holds my hands and gives me a tight hug as i feel her body against mine we keep hugging for what seems like forever as i wake up to the sun shining yet again trough my windows i yawn and rub my eyes as i decide to do what Laura told me and...go with the flow for as long as i'm here ill treat...lynn like my daughter and be there for her, ill meet Laura's friends and talk with them i will...live this life to the best i can and...with her help, i think i can do it quite well...since as far as i know...i need to cast away my past and move forward and stop being worried and feeling down i am Cynthia...and i will die as Cynthia At least as far as i know... But i take that when the time comes...for now, ill spend the rest of the day staying home...wearing that black dress and maybe some high heels...and just enjoy the first real day in this new life.

[imagodwithnodess]

Moving-Park Jisung

Genre: fluff

word count:1,600

Whhyyyyy!!???. You thought as you look at your dirty room. Today you have to pack to move out of your room. You currently live with your aunt as you wanted to go to an American boarding school In Korea, but your sister and her husband recently moved to Korea so you and she decided that It would be best for you to move In with her. As you all know each other better, and you missed each other dearly. You sit and look at your room and wonder how you are going to stay level-headed through this process. You call the only person you know that can help you through such a stressful sItuatIon.

(M=mark lee

Y=you)

Y: heeeeeey

M:.....what do you want

Y: I can't just text my best friend to check and see how he's doIng????? I'm Insulted!

M: 1. No...no you can't 2….well what do you need!

Y: ok so I need a strong man (or men) to help me with my room

M: your room? You're literally stronger then half the boys…..also that sounds more like you need help with organIzatIon...not strength.

Y: but maaaark

M: just…….text him already

Y: ok but no….we are playing a game. Whoever texts or calls fIrst loses….I ain't no loser.

M: call hIm...bye

Y: you're the worst

M: call your boyfriend!!!

Y: fIne!!!

You close your textIng app and go Into your call logs and begrudgIngly hIt the phone Icon.

“Heelloooo”

“Shut up”

“I knew you would call me today”

“Shut up,I know I didn't want to….but I realIzed I have too”

“ so babe what do you need?”

“I'm movIng today and I need help keeping a level head”

“Fear not my lady for I will help you”

“.........”

“.......”

“you are so lame omg haha”

“Ok but so are you so...ok I’ll be there In 10”

“Ok, love you bye”

“ yeah whatever I love you too bye”

You put away your phone and start a prIorIty lIst with what you need to deal with.

10 or 15 minutes later you hear a knock on your room door, “Come In!” you say towards the door. JIsung leans In “someone order a mental paperweIght??” he says making you laugh as you turn around and get off your seat and walk towards him “hello love,” you say as you kiss him. “ hI babe,” he says after you finished your kIss. “So! I have a list of things we need to do...so let's do them” “wow I have never seen you like this” he says as you walk away from the list and he picks It up to read It. “Like what?” you say as you start to pack up your bed set “ so effIcIent, so organized,” he says as he walks over to help you. “Well, I guess there has never been a need for It” you say as you shrug your shoulders “yeah I guess not,” he says slowing down on the last couple words.

You 2 work hard to get your room all packed up…..well 1 of you anyways. If you took a tImelapse of that day It would consist of:

You running around like a mother that's kids were down for a nap and she only had 30 minutes to clean the entire house

jIsung sIttIng and gettIng up every now and then

You guys dancing to music that we put on the speaker

Your aunt peakIng In the room sometImes

You guys pIllow fIghtIng, and clothes fIghtIng, and wrestlIng

And you guys face timing dIfferent people like your family, you guy’s friends, and of course the boys at the dorms

“Hey, babe you need help with that” jIsung asked you as he saw you about to pick up a chair/reclIner “nah I got It” you say with a smile that melts his heart. You pick the chaIr up with eas and take It to the living room. JIsung Is left dumbfounded In the room, as you come back Into the room he asks “ have you always been that strang?”, you laugh and nod your head yes “ yea, but I like seeing you be all gentlemen like and manly so I let you pick things up for me” you say as your working on packIng up your closet “huh” JIsung said as he got up to help.

2 hours had passed since the chaIr. “Im hungryyy” you said layIng on the bed”    “well do you guys have any food?” jIsung says layIng on the bed next to you proppIng himself up on his elbow “nah aunt ray hasn't gone shopping this week” you say as you turn over “well….thats all my Ideas out the window” you chuckle at how easily he gives up “oh! Oh!” you say getting excIted searching for something “ what gIrl? what Is It!?” he says like your a dog trying to tell hIm someone Is stuck In a well. You find your phone and look at hIm” pizza!!!” you say as you dive on him from the floor. You both laugh and you lay there for about 10 minutes not realIzIng what you set out to do.

You remember the pizza call the pizza place. JIsung has never heard you talk to a place of business so he sits up and sees how you handle It. “Your staring at me” you say as the phone Is rIngIng “sshh order the pizza” he says wavIng his hand In a ‘shoo’ motIon. You were about to speak when someone answers the phone. All jIsung here's Is you talk In your professIonal voIce. “Hi can I get one large cheese pizza please” you say In a voice jIsung does not recognIze. After you get off the phone jIsung Is starIng lovIngly at you “what?” you say laughing through your words.

“You just...contInue to surprise me” he says smIlIng. You blush slightly even tho you can't really see It consIderIng your complexIon. You both ate as soon as the food got there. You then packed up the last of your stuff and sat down on jisungs lap In the one seat left In the room and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for helping me today love” you say as you nestle yourself deeper In his arms “no problem baby,” he says then kisses you on the top of your head.

As he is about to leave he looks at you “ babe I want to tell you something” “yees??” then he walks back over to you and grabs your hands. He then says something that you will never forget “Y/f/n y/l/n I love you so much, I know we haven't been together very long but I feel like I learn something new about you that makes me fall more In love with you every day” he says then kisses your forehead and stares into your eyes. You were dumbfounded at how sweet and loving this state Is and how It came out of nowhere. “ I honestly don't know what to say other then I love you too babe, more then.. A Lot of things...maybe even more than pizza” you say the word pizza In the most dramatic way you can think of “whaaaaaat????” he says being as dramatic as you. You laugh and contInue to sIt there until he has to leave.

He gets In his car driving off and honkIng as a goodbye from the car. You wave from the doorstep then go back In the house when you can no longer see him. You run Into your almost empty room and laid there think about how lucky you are. As your sister calls “haay giirl” she says “so how was your day with boo??” “omg I can't even right now” as you start your story about how much you love your boyfriend.

Jisungs pov

I get to the dorms and am greeted by all of my bandmates in the living room. I guess since it's our day off they all decided to come to the dream dorm. “Hi hyungs,” i say taking my shoes off at the door. I hear alot of sounds and i assume it's because i was just at y/n’s “i'm sorry” i say being confused but still wanting to be polite. “Soo, how was the girlfriend?” Lucas says i start to blush just thinking about her “i know that face, come here and tell us all about it” teayong says. I sit on the couch and start to talk about her. Hyungs have only met jahrra about 5 times, shes really shy around newer people, so shes only just been coming out of her shell the last 2 times. So they know her just not nearly as much i do.

I didn't realize it but as i talk about her more and more they got more intrigued and slowly but surely they were all listening and looking at me “shes just, perfect, everyone has there flaws but hers pail in comparison to everything else about her.” i finish finally zoning back in “AAHHH! Our little maknea is in love!” yuta says “it sounds like you got it bad too” mark says “i guess i do” i say as they al start making fun of me (in the fun older brother way)

y/n pov

“dang sis you got It bad,” she says laughing at how her little sister fell In love “yeah….I guess I do”. you didn't realize how whipped you too were for each other till right now. LIttle do you know jIsung was realized the same thing at the dorms. You 2? Truly, t r u l y In love.

[hp-fanficc]

Tutoring Troubles - Chapter 1

As Hermione levitated the last of her posters in the library, she was really hoping that someone would reply to her offer to tutor them for exams. She was willing to teach any subject, up to practice OWL exams, as she was already preparing for her own. The library was about to close, and she sighed as she made her way back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Truth be told, while studying with someone would be beneficial, she could really use the money, and the sooner the better

Draco had noticed Hermione putting up posters around the school for the past hour and couldn't help but find it slightly amusing. When noticing her on her way back to the Gryffindor common room, he thought he'd have a little fun. "Not had enough time making yourself feel smarter than others, granger?" He called after her, the smile lingering on his lips

Hermione swiveled on the spot upon hearing her name, but immediately regretted it. She started to turn away without saying anything, surely Draco Malfoy would know nor care about her money issues, with his royalties and parents sending him anything he desired as fast his owl could deliver it.

"Going to ignore me now?" He asked, walking towards her while his grin played on his lips. "Now tell me, why do you want to tutor people? Isnt doing weasleys homework enough for you?"

"If you're not going to inquire about the service, just walk away, Malfoy." She said, an exasperated tone to her voice. She really had quite enough to deal with to put up with him, on top of it all.

He couldnt help but laugh. "And how would i inquire?" He asked, his tone quite jokey still

She turned around. "Do you need help in any subject, advancing from first year to OWL-level?" She asked in a curt fashion.

"I might do. I'm more interested in how i would ask for your... Help" he said simply, hiding the fact that he was honestly asking instead of annoying her

"It's tutoring, Malfoy. I'm not going to complete your assignments for you." she answered point-blank, assuming that's what he'd want

Nevermind then" he shrugged, walking away from her. "Good luck getting clients" he said over his shoulder as he heads towards the dungeons

The next day in potions, Draco sat with his head quite low as he struggled to get the instructions to work with what was happening in his cauldron. Snape has swept by the Gryffindor table giving his usual snide remarks to Harry and Ron, and kept silent at Hermione's cauldron, meaning he found nothing to criticize. "Just ignore it.." Hermione said softly to her friends as Snape walked on. After Draco himself received a disappointed look and a grunt off Snape, he walked away. Draco turned off his cauldron and sat in silence at the back of the room with his head on the table. As the bell rang, they started to pack up and Hermione, passing the Slytherin table, scrunched up her nose. Someone's potion had failed horribly, not that Snape would dare subtract points from his precious house. Draco waved his wand, quickly clearing the potion when seeing Hermione scrunch her nose. "Looking at something?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her She shook her head quickly. Now wasn't the time to instigate anything, right under Snape's nose. Even Harry and Ron knew better.

After about half an hour, an owl was sent off draco to find hermione at her dorm later that night. He didn't want people knowing he needed a bit of help from the gryffindor princess. "Meet me in the library at nine." Hermione read this over and over. She wasn't sure if it was a serious offer, or an attempt for someone to catch her out of bounds, after the library had closed. Only one way to find out. "Hey Harry..."

She stood in front of the library in Harry's invisibility cloak at 8:50. Either this person would show up, or they wouldn't. Draco entered the library at 8:55 and hung in the shadows as he looked around for hermione. Maybe she was coming. As students started to filter through the hallways back to their dorms the only one staying put was Draco Malfoy. She wasn't quick to trust it was him but as he, too, continued to stay he had just as much risk of getting caught. Taking off the cloak behind a pillar, Hermione emerged and walked towards him calmly. He raised an eyebrow as she approached him. "Nice to see that you came" he said simply, his eyes glided to her

"So you were the client, then?"

He gave a quick nod before moving to sit on a table near her. "Yes but before anything else, we need to talk conditions" he said firmly

"Yes, and somewhere more private."

"Where would be better for you?" He asked curiously. "Slytherin dorms?" He asked with a smug look

"Ha ha..." She led him to an abandoned classroom. He followed her silently, a grin playing on his lips as he noticed Hermione's unease to being out after hours.

"Firstly, how much does it cost for your silence to helping me and sneaking around so no one sees us together?" He asked bluntly, walking towards her.

"Technically, it wouldn't cost anything extra." she replied honestly. "What subject do you need help with?"

"Im not talking technically, think of it as compensation" he suggested, not letting her move on yet

"What I meant to say," she put it more plainly "is that I wasn't going to disclose anyone's information, anyway"

He rolled his eyes. "Is 30 Galleons a session enough?" He asked, sitting on the table and having hermione stand in front of him

She stared with her eyes as wide as the Galleons. "That's more than what I was going to charge, honestly."

"What's your rate?" He asked casually, knowing it won't make much difference to what he'll pay

"5 galleons per session" she replied honestly

He couldn't help but laugh slightly. "Because of your moral and that I'm going to have you sneaking round after hours with me and lie to your little friends about where you are, ill pay 30 a night" he said softly in her ear

"D-done"

He couldn't help but smirked at her stutter. "I think you noticed how badly im doing at potions this year so that's where im going to need your skills" he said simply, still whispering in her ear. "Do you have any rules?" He asked curiously

"Where exactly are you having trouble?" She raised her head up, opening the book

"You didnt answer my question. Are you sure thats wise not to have any rules of your own?" He asked playfully. "You never know what may happen"

"I'll let you know if I think of any." She replied curtly.

He shook his head and laughed. "Right, its not that um struggling but i cant seem to get the instructions to go from book to cauldron without messing up" he admitted.

"The application is the hardest part for sure, but with lots of concentration is it possible. Additionally, understanding the principles will serve you better than just following the instructions"

He gave her a curious look, running his hand through his hair. So where do you think we should start?" He asked, suddenly feeling more unsure and vulnerable infront of her than what he was comfortable with. She leafed until she reached the current chapter. "did you have difficulty understanding this?"

He glanced down at the page and frowned slightly, reading the instructions without saying anything to her. "Granger, im struggling in practical not theory" he pointed out. "Im fine with copying a text book"

"But that's my point, you have to understand it before you can apply it!"

"What are you talking about Granger"?" he sighed, his hand running through his hair. "So getting high marks on the essay isnt the right thing to do?"

"Not if you're just memorizing facts without any comprehension? what, do you think you'll spend the rest of your life just blindly following orders without understanding wh-" she cut herself off, and dropped her gaze back the book.

He placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face to look at him. "Finish what you were saying" he said bluntly, staring her in the eyes

"Look, we're not here to talk about what you're planning on doing after you leave school." She said equally as blunty

He rolled his eyes. "Never shy away from finishing your sentence. It annoys me far to quickly" he warned. "I'd rather you say it and tell me not to take notice instead of cutting yourself off" he said simply, still holding her chin

"And I'd rather we focused on the subject at hand." She said, moving her face back, out of his reach.

He nodded. "So what do you want me to do?" He asked, looking back at the book.

He sat there listening to her talk through everything to do with the potion. He stayed silent, trying to take in any and all details possible."Any questions?" she finally asked. He looked slightly overwhelmed and dropped his eyes to the book. "Errmm... " he started but trailed off

"Dont cut yourself off," she reminded him. "Look, if you do what we discussed, Snape should give you at least an acceptable, but if you keep practicing, it should go up to an E or maybe even an O by the end of term"

He nodded slightly, still not believing her on it. "So how does that work with the practical?"

"Because the practical is application of the theory" He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, getting a little stressed off her reply. "Same time, next week?" He gave a slight nod.

[thoughtslikeocean]

New Orleans

June 23

-This was Rhyann’s last day with me. His flight left Phoenix at 1 PM. We spent the morning together and then I brought him to the airport. I came back home, packed, cleaned up a bit and then head out to catch my flight. Traveling was long. My flight was delayed and also I had a lay over in Las Vegas. Which feel very senseless when you’re traveling to New Orleans. Anyway, I arrive in New Orleans around midnight. Britt picks me up from the airport. Traveling is smooth because I decided I didn’t need to check a bag. I packed two and a half outfits and went on about my way.

June 24

-Britt woke up this morning to go to brunch with her friends. She invited me but I was way to exhausted to go so she let me sleep in for a little while longer. Our plan was to hangout and then meet Jarvis later which is pretty much what happened. Brittany had to bring her friend’s dog to the boarding place which was an entire event honestly. Anyway , we picked up some crawfish and po boys and then head to Jarvis new apartment. It’s super cute and in a great location. He’s spending hella money for it but its a cute little bachelor pad though. It’s nice for the season he’s in. Later on Jarvis’s friend Chad comes to join us. I’ve heard about Chad numerous and times and has talked to him over the phone but this is my first time meeting him. This dude is 45 and looks 25. Legit get like Pharell. It was astonishing to see. We all drank wine and chat for a bit before deciding to head to the roof top. There is when I noticed there was a full moon. I immediately sat down and started to pray and manifest that I have a weekend filled with divine meetings and appointments. I didn’t necessarily have a frame work of what thats supposed to look like but I knew I wanted everything to be intentional this weekend. After that, we all attempted to find a spot to eat but that fell through so Britt Jarvis and I ended up picking up insomnia and then Britt and I headed back to her place.

June 25

-For this morning the plan was to meet Jarvis, Chad and Shay for brunch. We got a bit of a late start but we ended up making it happen. We ate a spot in the French quarter called Stanley’s. Their food was pretty good and it was a cute atmosphere. Shay and the kids dipped once they were done eating and Britt needed to make it back home os she could hang out with her friends later. Me, Chad and Jarvis were left so we went somewhere else to grab a drink This is when Chad and I start hitting it off and I realize this is someone who is going to be very helpful in making sure than I am successful if I decide to set up a practice in New Orleans. It literally felt like a divine appointment. It was solicited when he asked me if I knew Dr. Turshá! I was like uhhhh yeaaaaa duhhhh!!! Apparently they went to high school together! All in all, it was an unspoken agreement that we were meant to meet at exactly this moment in time for a reason. Chad had to leave for work so I asked Jarvis to bring me by my grandparents house so I can spend a little time with them. Jarvis had a therapy appointment so I he did that while I was on Belfast and came back when it was over. Grandpa really just wanted to talk about Lazarus and all the BS but I wasn’t about to do that. I had a little liquor courage of course and I was able to just speak candidly on how I felt about the situation. I wasn’t disrespectful at all but I was really tired of him stressing over this Lazarus situation when this boy is gone be just fine. He just wants other people to stress out with him. Anyway so we leave there and head over to this place called “The Wrong Iron” to meet Greg and his friends. We get there and its such a cute backyard ducked off spot. Nice drinks and cool people. I met Kevin, Gabriel and Justin. All seemingly good people. I order a drink called Strawberry Frozé not realizing that it’s made with Rosé. I Got halfway though the glass and my stomach was hurting so bad. So we all made the move to get wings from a place that I cant figure out the name. But the wings were really good. While we were in there waiting for our food, I caught a timely video of Greg falling through a door but picking himself back up mid air. It was classic. Literally just happened to be recording at exactly the right time. We left there and Jarvis drops me off at Greg’s place. Me, Greg and Justin chill for a minute, take shots, listen to music, smoke a bit before heading back out. Arial worked today but said she would come to NO so we can hang out. So by this time she’s here and I figured I would run into her at some point. Of course once we parked and walked not even two blocks, we happen to be right around the corner from where she was already sitting down having drinks. She came with her girlfriend Payton and friend John (JT). We ate another cute outdoor place called The Yard. Took a few shots, danced and ate fried pickles. We then walk over to a place called Dragon’s Den. It was cool but it was still early in the night os still a bit slow. We left after about 10 minutes and drive to this place that we saw on the way there. It was also outside but a little more (lot more) hood. It looked like it was jumping though. So we get out and somehow just walk in without standing in the line. This tends to happen very often when I’m out with Arial lol So we waltz on in. Music is BLASTING. They playing good stuff though. We head to the bar to grab shots. Arial decides she’s gonna find some weed. Greg goes “no way you’ll be able to do that in here”. Of course she comes back within 10 minutes with weed lol Again, not surprised…it’s Arial. They smoke a bit and I dance a lot. Having a great time! We leave there after maybe an hour and decide to drive back to Dragon’s Den. A parking spot opened up for us in the strangest way. Which you know tryna park in the streets of New Orleans can be real difficult. But we didnt have any problems tonight. Everything worked out just fine. Side Note: We were freestyling in the car which is something I only ever do when im at camp with kids. I forgot how much joy

that brings hahah

So anyway we make out way back into Dragon’s Den, which is popping at this point. Good music, got some drinks in our system. Its all well. I even see Terri and a couple other people form XU in there. Arial and Payton end up dipping out at some point during that time. Eventually Greg, JT, Justin and I dip as well. We bring JT to his car and then the three off us decide we’re hungry again! We hit a place that has good fish, shrimp and grits. We were the only ones in there. It was freakin delicious. Two funny moments happened in there. 1. We were so thirsty so we asked if we could all get water. We’d been drinking all night so thats definitely what we needed. I guess the man was trying to be nice ad gave us all free sprites. You want to be grateful but at the same time we def dont need sprites. We laughed about that for like 30 minutes. Cause of course we never went back and asked for the water. 2. Three young white boys walk in. By young, I mean no more then 14 years old trying so hard to act cool. Young dude walk up to our table to tell her, unprovoked, that hes been smoking since he was 12 and some other BS that none us cared about. All three of those kids were weird. Also it was like 4 AM so who’s idea it was to take mom’s car and head out in the middle of the night I have no clue.

At any rate, we leave there and head home. It was 5 am by the time I showered and laid down. WHAT A NIGHT!

June 26

-At some point throughout the night we’d decided to do brunch this morning. I knew Justin wasn’t going to be able to make it because he said he had a funeral to attend. We woke up, sat on the porch and smoked a bit before getting dressed. It was a beautiful morning. We got dressed to a little praise through the speakers and decided on Ruby Slipper. Arial made it there first and called to let us know that the wait was 3 hours so of course thats a no. She then tells us to head to a place called Bear Cat. We didnt realize that there were two different Bear Cats so we ended up at two opposite ones. We decided that it wasn’t going to work. We missed the window of opportunity. So Greg and I put our names on the waiting list for the Bear cat we’re at and there’s a 90 minute wait. While we’re waiting we decide to kill time at this near by restaurant and get some drinks. Once we sit down there and look at the menu, we decided to order food. I ordered shrimp and grits and he chicken and waffles. Before we got our food, out waiter comes to tell us that its restaurant week and that our food is going to be 20 dollars. LIKE WHATTTTT?!?!? We ate, drank, vibes to the music and then stopped by my grandfather afterwards to say hello. Then we back to the house to chill for a minute. Jarvis came back cause I left my card with him and Justin cam back as well. We started nerding out on space/history/physics before heading out to get snowballs and zoom to the airport. I got a cotton candle snowball from plum st. Made it to the airport 30 minutes before the plan was to take off and still got a great seat. I sat next to two women who were on their way to Vegas for a girls trip. One of them had never flown before. She actually did pretty well. A few jumps and yelps but for the most part she did okay. The last sitting right next to me was very nice and passed on some words of wisdom on staying prayerful and focused. Alex picked me up from the airport and I came home only to be craving crab legs. I picked those up, came home and talk to bae while I ate them. He went to bed and I went soon after him.

[dear-jjh]

it was different tonight

gif originally posted by kingdans

requested: yes! “hi omg I love seongwoo too so could i request a scenario for him? maybe something fluffy with a little smut if thats ok:) thank you so much<3” pairing: seongwoo x reader genre: fluff? smut? (light) word count: 2.2k summary: you end up encountering seongwoo in two awkward different situations in one party  a/n: This particular scenario has been updated! I removed the “smut” but there was still a “scene” ;). Read it to find out hahaha (this was the first request sent to me and thank you for sending it! I had fun writing it tbh except for the smut part because it was really hard. please let me know how i did and if you liked it or not. its the first scenario i ever wrote so i know its not the best. it was rushed thats why its in point form! please let me know how i did! thank you and have fun reading!) CAN SOMEONE SEND ME LIKE A BETTER TITLE FOR THIS BC I REALLY SUCK AT TITLES, HELP YA GIRL OUT!! :)

masterlist

You were busy trying on dresses for the party later at one of your closest friend’s house

You finished all of your exams and needed to let out some steam. You needed this as a “breather” after a long ass stressful semester

You picked this navy blue dress and was about to try it on when your best friend Ahreum slammed open your apartment door crying and sobbing as if someone died??????

“HE BROKE UP WITH ME, HE CHEATED ON ME” she could hardly say it because she was literally sobbing on the floor

“oh my god what did I tell you!!!!!!!! I told you not to date him, you guys haven’t even dated for longer than a month, why are you like this?”

ok like you felt bad about your friend’s break up but you already gave her the warning that she shouldn’t date him because he was a f*ckboy…

“OK GET UP WE’RE GOING TO A PARTY, YOU NEED TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR SADNESS FOR TONIGHT. WHO KNOWS MAYBE YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE BETTER THERE” you exclaimed because it was literally 7 pm and the party will start at 8

she was still on the floor crying but your bestfriend realized that she probably needed to get drunk to forget about her ex so she decided to just go with you

anyways, back to you

you decided to wear the navy blue dress that you picked, it was kind of showy and it highlighted your curves but who cares you have no time anymore

one of the reasons why you were going to this party was because

first: to actually celebrate

maybe second: to see the guy you secretly like for almost a year or so now, you were pretty sure he was invited because your friend (who was throwing the party) knew you like him him so she decided to invite him so that you guys can maybe have some interaction or something

you and seongwoo have always been so awkward and you never really knew why?

you were awkward because, obviously you had a thing for him

but he was awkward for an unknown reason? maybe because he knew that you’ve been crushing on him which sucked if he did

your life would totally be over

in the hallways you would just smile at each other, not really having any other interaction

you had mutual friends and during gatherings you two would not really interact

if you did, it was just casual

just a hi and a hello

after that its awkward

you did actually talk a couple of times because you were in the same math class but that was it

sometimes he would need help to answer an equation

sometimes you’d ask for the notes that you missed

he was a popular guy at school, he was smart, athletic, good-looking, he was all of that, he was really nice too. you were head over heels for him

you were glad he wasn’t one of the fboys tbh because if he was, that would really be the only thing that could ruin his whole existence

ok anyways

when you were almost at your friends house, you felt nervous????? like wtf

“do I look okay”, “is this dress too ugly”, “should we just go back home” “suddenly im allergic to parties”

you had all those thoughts in your mind but you had no choice but to go since your friend already seemed excited about partying

while you were parking your car, you could already hear the screaming and the loud music from the house

you fixed your dress and your hair before you enter  

ok theres a lot of people, is there anyway you can just go home??

there were people dancing on top of the tables, some making out, some looked intoxicated, wow people were so wild

you wanted to get some drinks so looked to your left you noticed that there were drinks on table and you were just about to tell your friend to come with you and get some but you lost her from your sight?

she was already holding a cup of beer and dancing with some guys?

wasn’t she just crying about her ex earlier?

ok anyways

you were headed to the table for the drinks

my god, it was a journey to get there

there were literally so much people that it was so hard to get through

when you reached the table, there was only one glass left

you reached for it but you noticed someone was about to reach for it too

you both touched the glass. now touching each other’s hand

you checked to see whose hand was it

it was ONG SEONGWOO

the one and only

the one you’ve secretly liked for a long time now

and the one who will not fall for you

no worries, you hopes weren’t as high

he was having an eye contact and youre basically touching each other’s hand

well this is awkward

but that’s not new because you guys are ALWAYS awkward

you snapped back to reality and said

“uh… you could take it!!”

“oh um NO its okay! you can have it” seongwoo said

“no really, its fine, I can just get another one!” you nervously exclaimed

“no (y/n)! im okay, it wasn’t for me anyways, it was for my friend. it also looks like it was just going to be your first drink so go ahead and take it” he said while handing you the glass with a smile on his face

oh my god did he just say your name

he knew your name!

surprisingly, he didn’t seem very awkward towards you at the moment? like you guys were actually talking

“oh okay uh…. okay um thanks!!!” you were about to turn your back when he held your wrist making you look back at him and he said

“you look…” he looked at you from head to toe checking you out “..hot and beautiful by the way” he continued

maybe he was drunk

but a huge part of you wished that he knew what he was saying and that his actions so far were starting to get your hopes up

really, now you just wanted to go home

I mean, who wouldn’t die if the person you like said youre beautiful and hot

“oh thanks!!! you too! see you around”

he gave you a sweet smile and good lord you were about to faint right there in front of him but you had to stay calm

surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward for the both of your tonight, you thought

maybe he doesn’t realize it because hes drunk or tipsy or something

its been a few hours since you saw seongwoo and honestly you were ready to go home but the alcohol you had earlier was finally hitting you

your friend insisted that you should just stay here and go home in the morning since it was dangerous to drive when youre drunk

her house was big and theres a lot of rooms so she said just choose whichever

you headed upstairs where some of the rooms were located

there were a couple of people upstairs but you noticed that 3 out of 4 rooms’ door were closed so you decided to go to the one near the bathroom at the end of the hallway

you opened the door and you realized that this was one of the rooms where you and your friends would have your sleepovers

your friend also told you to just use the clothes that were located in the closet just in case you wanted to wash up

you noticed that the bedsheets and comforter were a mess as if someone laid there but no one was there?

anyways, you got some clothing, just shorts and a tank top

and since this room did not have any bathroom inside, you decided to go to the one near it because you wanted to take a quick shower

the bathroom was literally just before the entrance of the bedroom so it was fine and by this time, there were basically no guests anymore who stayed upstairs

ok so you were about to open the door and when you opened it you were pulled in because someone from the inside opened it as well

now youre inside the washroom with the person who opened the door

the door was still open tho but the person was now infront of you

you were looking at the person’s lower body and you followed this persons body to see who it was

and right now you really just wanted to go home because this was just too unbelievable

you didn’t expect that he would be here after your encounter with him earlier

it was ong seongwoo

again…

in another awkward situation

this has to be one of the weirdest ways to encounter the person you’ve been eyeing on

in the washroom.

he looked shocked with what happened as his eyes wide open in shock

and tbh, you were too, who wouldn’t bee

“i… uh…. um I think I should just change in the bedroom” you nervously said

you were about to head out to go back to the bedroom when he held your waist with one hand and pulled you back. he closed the bathroom’s door and locked it

what the hell

your back was leaning on the sink but his hand was in your waist allowing you not to fall back and he was in front of you just about 5 inches away

thats too close but he was that close

he was just staring at you with a smirk on his face as his eyes match yours

he looked at you from head to toe, again, for the 2nd time tonight

“I really think I should leave im sorry if I didn’t—“ he didn’t even let you finish

he pulled you again and

he pushed you to the wall, not hard enough to hurt you but enough to keep

you still and in the state of shock

his right hand was in the wall beside you while his left hand is wrapped on your waist

you felt shivers through your spine as he tightened his grip on your waist and pulled you close

his eyes fixed on yours, the look of lust and longing would be seen in his stare

you weakened as you slowly attempt to make eye contact with his burning look

his body was against yours as he pulled you closer not letting go of your waist

he breathes, a hot breath, you smell beer

hes drunk, you thought

he was but, he was still in his right mind as he thrills you like this

he knew what he was doing and he knew that it was slowly driving you crazy

you felt your body tense as he tightened his grip on your waist

his right hand which was recently against the wall was now gently grasping your neck

slowly he close the gap in between you but pulling you in for a kiss

you were confused and surprised by his action

he kept kissing you and you naturally just gave in

the kiss started out to be light then it became really passionate

seongwoo was indeed a good kisser, there was no lie to that

in between your kisses, he sighed and said “god, you don’t know how long ive been wanting to do this to you”

you were stunned for a second but butterflies rushed into your stomach when he said those words and you couldn’t help but smile while kissing him and you noticed that he was smiling as well

you placed your hand around his neck while he was still kissing you

he said “ive liked you for a long time now and I didn’t know I would confess like this”

all you could do was chuckle to yourself

he didn’t give you a chance to talk and respond to what he said

instead, he kissed you with burning passion

his kisses were sweet and gentle

he cupped both of your cheeks

he kissed the left first and then the right

he kissed your forehead, which lasted longer than you thought

his and your eyes were closed cherishing this moment

forehead kisses made you feel important and safe in a way

he kissed your nose and back to your lips

he lovingly marked you

from your neck to your shoulders

this was a sense of symbol and affection that meant he owned you

once, he finished marking you

he gave you a slight nod and smile meaning you could do the same

he allowed you to seal him by leaving a bruised spot on his neck just under his jaw

you held his face with your right hand, cupping it

your thumb traced the three moles on his left cheek as you lightly giggle

your eyes interlock with his as you exchange loving stares

he held you hand left hand and kissed the back of your palm and all you could do was admire him

this wasn’t your typical way of confessing to the person you like but it was definitely a memorable one

his eyes met yours again and he laughed as he said

“so im guessing you like me too?”

posted on: 171128 (UPDATED ON 180109)

[harryff]

Chapter 2 Aria Part 1.

Trigger warning: Sexual assault, domestic abuse. Please call the 1−800−799−7233 if you have suffered from any abuse.

In the next upcoming months Aria and Harry reconnected. Her album was to be released soon but she longed to go back to the days she sang background for the band.

Laying in bed she remembered the day Liam and Harry got into a fight over whose part she will sing along with and somehow she managed to appease them both. It was the first time Harry truly noticed her as he tells it to people.

It was currently 10pm in New York  which meant it was 3am in Manchester where Harry was working on his album. Aria was supposed to be asleep instead her mind raced filled with anxiety she couldn’t relax instead her thoughts took her to the worst possible outcomes for performance the next day. To help pass time she texted him

Aria: I miss you big head lol😚😙😋

Aria: I can’t sleep😣😣😓😓☹

Aria: I wish I could call you but you’re sleeping beauty and you definitely need 6 hours of sleep at least or youll be evil lol 😴😴😴

Aria: Remember the time i made you stay up for 24 hours and you were grumpy the whole day and I had to make it up 😉😂

Aria: I have to perform tomorrow. I don’t want to. I’d  much rather go back to the good old days where no one knew I existed

Aria: I still laugh at the memories of you falling on stage…. clumsy prince

Aria: I’m gonna have diarrhea tomorrow theres no  way I’m gonna survive

Aria: Sorry TMI 🙊

Aria: Since I cant bug you you’ll wake up to like 20 texts. 😜

Aria: she sent picture of her sleeping with the teddy bear he got her 2 years ago

Aria: Me and Mr. H miss you

Aria: I had to give him surgery awhile back. Roxy the little shit ripped his eye out. I almost cried 😢😢😢

Aria: Imagine me a grown woman crying over a stuffed animal. 😂😭😭😭

Aria: I went into panic mode!! That was not a contingency I planned for she just bit his eye and yanked it out! Then she starts running with it! In her mouth! Chewing it!  I never truly knew what panic was till that moment!😲😲😲

Aria: Damn dog😒😒😒

Aria: Arent you supposed to be up running? It’s 3

Aria: I miss you again

Aria: I don’t want to perform Harry

Aria: Will you be disappointed in me if I quit?

Aria: Will you call when you wake up?

When Harry woke up at 5am his time he read the texts laughing she was definitely panicking her nerves were getting to her because she was a chatter box.

He called her via Skype

Her computer facing her she raised up hearing the call she clicked the mouse before falling back in bed.

“Aria” he said watching her move around

“Yes”

“I see Roxy is around Mr.H” he said noticing the dog by her side  

“Yes she was on 1 month probation after she did that”

He chuckled

“It’s not funny” she said sitting up

“Yeh ok?”

“No” she said looking down  

“Yeh’ll do good!”

“I don’t like performing in front of people”

“Yeh did when we went on tour”

“Yes but no one knew it was me”

He sighed

“I have to perform for the executives at 9. Practiced my ranges”

“Don’t strain your voice”

“I know… what are you doing today besides calming my nerves”

“Just tha'nd recording”

“You’re working on your 3rd album?”

“Yes”

She smiled “you have great bed head”

He laughed “are yeh not sleepy?”

“I am I keep jerking in my sleep”

“Just relax poppet”

“I’m trying”

“I have to go for my run”

“Ok i’ll call you when I get done”

“Ok” he said blowing a kiss

She caught it.

Harry: How’d it go? He asked when she didn’t call by the end of the day he wondered how things went

Aria: 😭😭😭😭😭😖😓

Harry called her

Harry: Pick up poppet

Aria: No 😭😢

Harry: howd it go

Aria: ‘need more practice’

Aria: Tommy said ‘on a scale of 1-10. 1 being pretty bad  and 10 being the worst performance ever that was a 7.’ 😭😭😭 I can’t do this

Harry:😒😒 drop him he’s a shitty manager

Harry: Pick up poppet please

She took a deep breath before answering his call

“Hey” she said

“Where are you?”

“At home”  her voice broke

“Aww pet”

“I can’t do this Harry”

“I think yeh need another manager”

She sniffed “I wish you were here”

“I’ll be there soon pet”

She remained silent

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“My voice  shook the whole time….sang off key sounded like shit”

“It’s alright Aria”

“It’s not,” her voice was soft. “I’m not made for this.”

“Aria yeh are” he stressed

She sighed “how was your day”

“It was wonderful recorded 3 songs”

“Good”

“My album is done will you listen to it?”

He paused “i don’ kno’ if i should.” He was hesitant. In the past she depended so much on his opinion he got frustrated with the search of approval from him.

“Ok fair enough i’ll have Mr. H listen to it”

He remained silent

“Maybe i can do like a Sia thing but cover my whole body be in dungeon somewhere”

He was still quiet

“Ok Harry good night.” She said ending the call. She knew him too well he was asleep.

As she sat aimlessly looking at the ceiling she contemplated all the different things she could do to put an end to her contract. Get sick with a virus, purposely damage her larynx, car accident etc. When Harry awoke at 3am his time he called her she stared at the phone contemplating whether she would swipe right or left. The screen went dark she thanked the gods for not making her make that decision.

At 10 in the morning she found herself in the studio listening to Thomas or Tommy berate her

“ARIA! Im talking to you!” he said snapping her out of her thoughts

“Sorry” she cowered away

“WHY” he paused “why didn’t you perform like you did in this video? you were so good then what is it now?” he was showing her a video of her singing at a local jazz bar. There were only 10 people, people she would never meet this was different this was executives and produces people who had the power to build or destroy her career with one move.

“I dont know im just nervous”

“ABOUT WHAT? WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET YOU TO NOT BE NERVOUS? SO WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT NOW?

“EVERYTHING!” She argued back before looking at her phone Harry had called her 5 times already.

Harry: Aria are you ok ive called you multiple times

She recorded Tommy

He hit the wall beside her “YO YOU A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT IT’S A WASTE OF TALENT YOU HAVE. I GOT A 10 YEAR OLD WHO WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SPOT!” He walked away from her “…SO YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA LET SOME 10 YEAR OLD OUT DO YOU? DO WE NEED TO MAKE YOU SING NAKED NEXT TIME?”

She spoke softly “Im sorry I can’t Tommy”

“DONT TOMMY ME! TELL ME YOU CANT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO!  YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED FOR YOU! YOU OWE ME THIS!”

She sat silently and hit the send button

Harry: get up and walk away. He texted feeling his anger rise if he was there his fist would be connecting with Tommy’s jaw

Aria: I cant

Harry: Aria get up and walk away

Aria: he’s blocking the door.

She remained quiet waiting for the vent session to be over.

“You have a show tomorrow Chicago Bulls so get ready. Ya ass aint making a fool out of me again” She nodded leaving the studio. She ignored Harry for the rest of the day working on her vocals. She sat at home working on her ranges.

“You sound good Ria” her grandmother said cooking

“Thanks Grandma”

“Whats wrong?” she noticed her behavior

“Tommy screamed at me… told me lots of things i was an embarrassment to him… grandma i don’t know if i can do this”

“Youre too good dont let him ruin you!”

“I know”

Her phone lit up it was Harry texting her.

Harry: can you call me please

She stood up and went to her room to call him

“Aria” he said looking at her on the camera

“Hey” she said getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes were puffy her nose was red. “How was your day?”

“Good.. are yeh ok?”

“I’m ok” she sighed

“Wha’ happened with Tommy”

“Have to perform tomorrow”

He tilted his head in confusion

“Yea”

“Don’ wan yeh to be sad pet”

“I’m ok Harry. Me and Mr. H will be tough” she joked

He chuckled “I’ll be there soon so save some luvin for me yea?” “No you dont get any”

“Wha’? Why?” he smiled

“Well see me and Mr. H have a bond even you can’t break. I have been there with him through thick and thin” her eyes welled up “and he wont” her voice started to break “and he wont let me down and i won’t do the same to him… sorry i dont mean to cry”

“Aria dont cry pet”

She chuckled wiping her tears “I don’t even know why im crying Harry thats the problem. With Mr. H i know i cant let him down"

“You never let me down" he spoke softly 

“I have, i know that, but im trying not to.”

He sighed not knowing what to say. She was always too hard on herself. Her worst critic never letting up on her imperfections. “ ‘M gonna go to bed” he mumbled

“K good night” she said before ending the call

The next day she walked onto the court her hands shaking getting ready to sing the national anthem. Tommy had softened his tone but his words were still harsh. She found herself panicking 30 minutes prior, hunched over with a paper bag to her mouth. The cameras flashed she brought the microphone to her mouth. She closed her eyes imagined she was at home. When the song was done people jumped to their feet cheering her on. She thanked them and rushed off court. It was one of her best performances.

“WHOO!“ Tommy cheered “THAT WAS IT! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!… You sounded so good. Thats what you do in front of the execs don’t worry about them you got this Aria!”

She smiled taking a deep breath in she wanted to leave there was no celebration for her this only meant the inevitable an album release and a music career.

“Thanks Tommy can i go home now?”

“Nah lets go party!” “I really dont want to”

“Look its for your image just one drink” he begged

“Ok” she sighed as they made their way to club she texted Harry

Aria: I think i did ok everyone is happy

Aria: Going to the club with Tommy

Aria: Text you when i get home

It was supposed to be the club but they pulled up to his house, there was a party going on

“Tommy i thought you said club” she said giving him a look

“I know but house parties are fun!”

She shook her head this was her first time in his house “I’m not”

“Please just one drink you promised”

“Fine one drink and i’m done”

An hour passed one drink turned to two and two turned to three she thought. Her head was spinning, Tommy was being too friendly, he was groping her in places he shouldn’t have. When she tried to leave his grip on her wrist tightened when she fought back he put her arm behind her making her face the crowd as he dry humped her from behind. When he dragged her to the bathroom she used the opportunity to escape.

“Come on!” he stressed in a playful tone licking her neck forcing her against the wall

“No stop”  she said weak from the concoction she was never a light weight so this was not the norm for her He hit her thigh “I said come on!” his thigh wedged between hers his tone changed he was being forceful

“Stop Tommy” she tried to fight him off

He held her hands above her with one hand while the other groped her body “You know you want this dick, Harry can’t do you like me”

“Please” she begun to cry she was too weak

Abruptly the door swung open. The man looked at Aria’s face “Yooo chill!”

“I’m not doing nothing” he said stepping away from her with his hands up

She quickly maneuvered from him he reached out for her but her arms were too quick on her way out she fell to the floor. Only managing to stand up and rush up the steps she found a room and locked herself in it. Quickly she dialed Harry’s number forgetting he wasn’t in the US, when she remembered she called her grandmother

“Aria do you know what time it is? im asleep!”

“Grandma please come get me” she sobbed on the phone

“Whats wrong?” she sensed the urgency

“He almost raped me i dont know whats wrong with me”

“You stay there i’m calling the cops”

“NO! please”

“Where are you?”

“Tommy’s house on 3rd bellavue house with all the cars”

“Stay where you are I’m coming!”

It felt like eternity waiting for her grandmother. She was finding herself waking up from an unconscious ous state every 5 minutes. She was fighting to stay awake. Her phone rang 4 times before she awoke

“Hello? Hello? Aria!?”

“….Grandma?”

“Where are you? You tell me now or i’m coming in with my shot gun!”

“I’m coming don’t” she said weak

Slowly she stood up her legs felt like jello, she opened the door and walked to the staircase  held onto the railing with a death grip the party was dying down. She saw him at the corner of her eye he was mingling slowly she walked down the steps trying her best to  not draw any attention to herself.  When she got to the bottom of the stairwell. The door seemed so far away there were so many people in the way she tried to quickly move around them

“Aria? Is that you?” she heard his voice

“ARIA! I’m calling you!” fear took over she was pushing people out of the way, when she reached the door she opened it and collapsed her grandmother already standing outside her car ran towards her

“Aria” he spoke in her ear as pulled her up. She winced away

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” her grandmother threatened

“I’m just trying to help her out”

“YOU TOUCH HER I’LL BLOW YOUR WHOLE FACE OFF!”

His temper rose “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OLD BITCH!” “I GOT YOUR BITCH TOUCH HER AGAIN AND YOU WON’T HAVE A DICK” She whimpered standing up

“Aria are you ok?” she spoke to her helping her up

She limped to the car her ankle sprained

When they got to the house it took her grandmother 10 minutes to wake her up

“Oh thank God! Aria what did you drink?”

“I don’t know” she said turning her head away from her

“Let’s get you in the house”

She slumped on the couch her grandmother close by the whole night.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting migraine confused about what happened

She groaned her memory was hazy, she remembered drinking a blue motorcycle and Tommy being aggressive she remembered him walking her to the bathroom his smile on his face his eyes telling her something else

“Oh mi nieta you’re awake!”

Her voice raspy “Grandma what happened?”

“Thomas tried to rape you!”

She thought “No… what?”

“Aria you called me you couldn’t even stand! you need to call the cops i think you were drugged”

“He what?” she sat up needing to piece things together

She picked up her phone there were texts from Tommy

Tommy: i hope you had fun i had too much to drink

Tommy: im sorry about what i did I love you😗 Aria i would never hurt you i was just fucked up Tommy: shit you were too,

Tommy: grinding on me i miss read the signals, you know that right? You know how i get when im fucked up

Tommy: tell your g ma to chill i was fucked up too shit you were too

Tommy: call me when you get this

Miranda: ��😀YAY bestfriend you did good!

Her mind tried to remember what happened but it couldn’t dnt her wrist was bruised, she rubbed it to sooth the pain.

“Aria you need to call the cops!”

She shook her head “I don’t”

“Well freshen up clear your head”

“How’d i get home?” she looked around

“I came to get you! that rapist was trying to pull you back in”

She stood up and fell to the ground

“Ahh!”  She grimaced  grabbing her swollen ankle

“I think you sprained it” her grandmother picked up her foot “here put it up let me get some ice”

In the bathroom she undressed she noticed bruises on her neck, her thighs and knees when the skirt fell she covered herself with her hands, she had no underwear, she could not remember what happened to it. In shower she tried the best she could to remember she couldn’t. But she also knew something wasn’t right. she scrubbed hard feeling dirty. She felt a sick feeling from the pit of her stomach she hunched over unable to stop it. She vomited.  

In her sleep it came to her in a flash

She saw herself drinking her drink.That nauseous feeling intensified

“I gotta go I don’t feel good.” she steadied herself by holding his shoulders

“No stay” he rubbed her sides

She shook her head “I’m leaving”

“I said stay” he insisted pulling her back, her back to him he breathed on her neck. She moved her neck  away “Mmmm you have a nice ass” he said before smacking it

She shot up in cold sweats her head pounding was it true? Did he really do that?

She looked at her phone there were texts from Harry. He sent her a screenshot from the tabloid the caption “Looks like you and Thomas had fun, you did great! I watched it! what a way to celebrate😂😋” the picture her hair on her face with one arm behind it looked like they were in the middle of a dance. Her wrist ached as if it had a memory of the pain that was inflicted upon it. Harry was oblivious to the dark truth. feeling nauseous she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Rising slowly she cried looking at herself in the mirror.She blamed herself she should have known better. She should have been more careful.

Picking up her phone there was another message from Harry

Miranda: Bitch call me you look lit😂😜

Miranda: Umm that picture doesnt look right call me 🙁😕😞

Harry: call me when you wake up pet I miss your voice😗.

She snatched her laptop from the floor quickly she searched flights to Manchester leaving the next day. She was willing to pay any price once she got the confirmation email she hopped off the bed and three clothes into her suitcase

Her grandmother walked into her room “Where you going you can’t leave!”

“Manchester”

“Are you going to tell him

“I can’t even remember what happened! if it happened will he believe me?”

“Aria he can’t get away with what he did! now I don’t know how the music industry works but that man cant walk away from what he did to you!”

“I know mimi”

“So call the cops”

“I..” she looked to the bathroom

Her grandmother stressed her point “tell him.. Harry will know what to do…. have you talked to him?”

She shook her head

“I’m not going to let this go”

“I know”

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding”

“Well relax I will finish packing for you”

The next day she found herself in Chicago O’hare limping around she hadn’t told Harry about her plan to stop by.

Tommy: You haven’t called are you ok

Tommy: just call me or send a text to tell me your ok

She felt sick looking at the texts holding onto Mr.H she walked around till her flight departure time. When she landed at 2pm she made a beeline for his condo.

She knocked in the door she quickly wiped away her tears

“Yea yea!”  she heard his voice through the door

He stood confused for a second before his face  lit up

“Poppet! Wha’re yeh doing here?“ he asked lifting her into a tight embrace

“I missed you” she confessed

“Yeh  should have told me!”

“I just did!” she said forcing a smile

He leaned down to kiss her she could only manage a few kisses it was killing her.

“What do I owe this delightful surprise?” she shrugged walking in

“Hey” she greeted his band

“ARIAAA!”

She smiled

“Yeh should have told me really” he said pulling her down on his lap. “ ‘M flying to London tomorrow family time”

“Oh” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll come with me?”

She nodded

“Wha’ happened to your foot?” Weezer asked  

“I fell... heels”

“All that partying yeh ‘nd Thomas did” Harry commented “yeh never texted by the way”

She swallowed hard smiling at him “sorry forgot”

He raised his eyebrow

“So what are you up to today?” she asked

“Last recording session are yeh ok?” he noted her pale complexion

“Yea, just cold”

“Yea we gotta go mate” Stevie said noticing the time

“Oh shit! Yeh want to come?” he said standing up

She shook her head

“Jet lag?”

She nodded

He leaned down placing his forehead on heres “Ok well yeh kno’ where the food is. Don' eat all my bananas. I’ll be back ok?”

She forced a smile fighting the tears “yes”

“Are yeh sure you’re ok?”

She hated that he could read her like  an open book

“Yes” she said kissing him

“One more” he said biting his lip

She wrapped her arm around his neck. It took all the energy she had to put passion into the kiss

“Oi!  we gotta go.” Stevie said

As the  day turned to night she sat crying on the couch. She checked her emails wanting to tell her grandmother she was safe. Her heart dropped seeing Tommy’s name on the list she hesitated to open it. When she did it was a picture of her in the airport the title read Aria party girl rushed to Manchester to see Harry. The caption read Rumor is he called her screaming mad about the picture of her and manager Tommy G. His email: Im fucking calling you and you in UK? We got sessions you better be back by Tuesday. She felt sick to her stomach they couldn’t be more wrong. Sleep finally seeped in after hours of laying awake. Her memory flashed through her dreams

“Come on” he says grabbing her hand he had a goofy smile on his face  pulling her towards the dance floor

“No Tommy” she tries to resist

He pulled harder making her collapse into him “damn baby! I didn’t know you wanted it  like that?” he chuckled

“Stop” she pushes away from him

His hands grab her ass he is holding her in place as he rubs his nose on her neck “you gonna feel so good on my dick”

She sat up immediately tears flooded out of her eyes this couldn’t be happening she thought. She got off the couch and went to  lay in bed. A migraine already thumping through her brain she lay in bed when she heard the door open she turned on  her side pretending to be asleep.

Harry quietly took of his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. She could hear him humming behind the water. When he got in bed he cradled behind her kissing her cheek before falling asleep. As she begun to get sleepy she prayed she wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare. In  the morning her prayers were answered she softly  got out of bed and got ready. Harry woke up an hour later.

“Wha’ do yeh want for breakfast pet?”

“Nothing this is fine”

“ ‘Re yeh sure? you’ve been pushing around the cereal for 5 minutes”  she was in a daze she didn’t notice

She shook her head “it’s fine I promise” she lied

He grabbed her hand “Ok are yeh sure? cuz i’ll get yeh anything yeh want”

“I promise” she said forcing the spoon in her mouth.

When they got to his mother’s house she was greeted with love

“Aria come in we have missed yeh oh I always knew yeh two would get back together!” Anne hugged her

She smiled

“Aria!” Gemma greeted her “finally someone we like… no love”

“When are yeh goin to marry her Harry?”Anne asked

“Oh muuum” he fussed

“ ‘M just saying she took yeh back it’s a sign”  

Gemma chimed in “Yea no one wants yeh but her so yeh need to be in your knees”

“These’re strangers not my family I don’ kno’ wha’ alien planet they come from” he joked causing them to laugh

Gemma grabbed her hand dragging her away from Harry “We have to catch up that dress at the wedding to die for where did you get it?”

“Michael Castello designed it”

There was a lot of catching up to do which Aria gladly agreed to do anything to take her mind off that night

At dinner she sat once again pushing her food

“Do yeh want something else?” Harry whispered

“No!” she got scared “this is fine!” she put a mouthful in her mouth

He gave a look she was definitely being strange. She had no appetite there was a raging migraine  she was trying to calm down. After yawns went around the room after dinner every one retreated to their rooms

“Ok off it pet what’s  the problem?” He asked while they lay in bed. He was trying to find out what was wrong with her

She spoke softly “Nothing”

“No there’s something big show comin’ up?”

“No just thinking”

“About?”

She shook her head and smiled

“Yeh don’ wan’ to talk ‘bout it?”

She shook her head

“Ok” he looked down at her holding Mr.H  “You’ve been holding him awfully tight can’ yeh hold me like tha’ too?” He joked

“No you might break” she teased

“Wha’?”

“You might break” she held back her smile

“Are yeh saying I’m weak?” He asked towering her

“……..Yes”

“Yeh wanna test tha’ theory?” he asked before  kissing her deeply his kisses made her forget momentarily but when he started grabbing  her thighs and kissing her neck is when her mind refused to let it go. She froze eyes shut tight. He noticed the tension in her body he raised up to look at her

“Aria wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“You’re stiff as a board look at me” she opened  her eyes “wha’s wrong?”

She sighed “I can’t…. not tonight”

He huffed “ok” he gave her sweet kisses

“Sorry”

“Don’ be luv is just sex…  I can take care of  myself” he said winking

She giggled “Perv”

“Hey only for yeh”

“I guess I should feel special”

At night her prayers were not answered. Her mind took her back to that night

She looks around people are dancing she doesn’t know where she’s going but Tommy is pulling her towards it.The bathroom door is kicked open and he pushes her inside

“Stop it Tommy” she says trying to walk passed him. He closes the door with his foot. He charges  towards her stuffing his tongue in her mouth. She pushes him away and slaps him. His hand is immediately around her neck his eyes cold and dark he pushes her against the wall. “bitch ill kill you matter of fact” his other hand loosens his belt

“please” she begs clawing at his arm he pulls out his penis, "you know you want this dick" he jams his knee into her thighs forcing them open. “shut up.” He reaches up her skirt to rip off her underwear. He pulls hard making her body jerk forward before the fabric gives way. "Harry cant do you like me" He gets closer kissing her neck she tries pushing him off he places both arms above her head holding them by the hands he reaches between her thighs she’s crying “please” she begs. He stops and looks at her he licks his hand before he palms her vagina. He moans “you wet already, just how i like it”

She shot up from her sleep in a cold sweat immediately she ran to the toilet a violent vomiting spree was to begin.

Harry groaned “Aria?” he turned to his side to confirm she wasn’t there

“Aria” he called sitting up hearing the vile noise. Slowly he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. He knelt down beside her rubbing her back

“Something yeh ate?” he offers explanation

She nods in agreement

When she’s done her hands are shaking she can barely wash her face. She was pale as if she saw a ghost

“Wha’s wrong?” he asked noticing  her expression

She turned around with tears in her eyes if he only knew

“Shhh it was just a dream” he sooths her hugging her tight.

But it wasn’t was it? Tommy really did those things. The reality was setting in.

In the morning she continues to rub Harry’s arm unable to fall asleep she lay awake against his chest

During breakfast she checked her phone

Tommy: Where the fuck are you at

Tommy: you think it’s funny you fucking with my career

Aria: I need more time please

Miranda: so you really gonna ignore me your bff?

Mimi(grandmother): Aria have you told him

Aria: Not yet I will soon I promise

As Gemma and Aria shopped around she tried her best to act natural.

“Are yeh ok?” Gemma asked during lunch Aria even though trying her best was very distant

“Yea!” she said putting on a happy face

“Sure? yeh look pale”

She smiled “Yea lack of sun” she joked

“Tell Harry he owes you a vacation”

She smiled Gemma her biggest advocate always made Harry go out of his way for her “Only if you come too!”

“You know it!”  

As the day wound down she hopped the night would be gentle on her she couldn’t wake up from another nightmare.

“Did you see this?” Harry laughed showing her a picture of her crawling up the stairs. Who would possibly take that picture and furthermore insinuate she was going to have sex with Tommy?

She smiled

“Yeh were having fun weren’t yeh?”

She remained silent

“But ’m glad yeh ‘nd Tommy handled your differences” he said falling asleep

She melted into his chest not wanting to remember anything

The next day she Aria, Anne, and Gemma decided to clean up then treat themselves to dinner. She got multiple texts during the day. People were asking her about the picture.

Miranda: uh you need to call me NOW! i know your ass didnt fuck tommy

Miranda: you disappeared to Manchester whats up☹

Miranda: ARIA what did Tommy do to you? Why did Mimi call me crying???😭😭

Aria: i can’t talk about it Miranda, not now

Mimi: have you told him

Aria: not yet Mimi

Mimi: im not playing do it or  I will

Aria: ok ok

~With Harry~

“Whoa Harry have you seen this?” Weezer asked

“Wha’?”

“Look” he looked at the heading Tommy G accused of sexual assault 2 victims have come forward the caption: ‘Both victims claim it happened in his house we will keep you posted’

He frowned “he didn't” he paused to think  remembering the dirty glances he gave women

“I gotta find out more” Weezer said scrolling through his phone

As the day went on he couldn’t help but think about it. It gnawed at him this was her manager, someone who was close to her.

“Oh shit! Now they are saying one of the girls was assaulted the night he partied with Aria”

Harry tried to shake it off. “no he couln’ have”

Stevie rushed to him“Harry have you seen?”

“Yea” not wanting to be bothered by it

“No look!” Stevie said shoving the phone at him 

Harry looked at him before grabbing the phone he read the words ‘A witness has stepped forward caught him in the act.’ As he read the details his heart rate picked up ‘…. walked in  on him with his female artist.’ Tommy only managed Aria and another female artist who was absent that night

“Have yeh talked to Aria maybe its someone else” they tried to reason

“Did she tell you anything?” Gigi asked

He looked at them “no she would tell me”

When the day ended even Gemma got notifications on social media people were tagging her on the posts. Aria’s phone was buzzing nonstop.

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: dont ignore me im your best friend,…. thunder buddies for life

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: did it happen?

“Aria wha’s this?” Gemma asked showing her the article.  Her heart sank reading the article Tommy was getting charged with sexual assault. Two victims identified one had yet to come forward.  She was the remaining piece.

She shook her head “its nothing”

“They’re saying you’re the other woman is it true?”

“Other woman for what?” Anne asked taking the phone from Gemma’s hand

As Harry rushed to his mother’s house he thought to himself those pictures that were taken, she did look uncomfortable in Tommy’s embrace. The bruised wrist she explained away seemed to be the one he was holding behind her back. She also never got that drunk in public so it was strange that she got that drunk, even when she got drunk she was never that sloppy, falling all over the place hair in her face.

As Aria tried to convince Gemma and Anne that wasn’t her her phone lit up

Miranda: Shit is hitting the fan I hope you told him

Tommy: you bitch

Mimi: hope you told him  

Aria felt her breathing hitch

“Aria this sounds like yeh!” Gemma said reading more articles

“It’s not” she whispered

Harry rushed through the kitchen door he walked in “Aria” he called

She smiled at him but stopped soon after his face was one she couldnt read ”….yes” she answered warily

“Yeh promise to tell me the truth?” it was supposed to be a statement but came out as a question

“Yes anything” she half smiled

“Wha’s wrong Harold?” his mother asked noticing his expression

He paused before speaking standing across from her. His eyes burrowing into her soul. “Wha’ happened that night at Tommy’s house?”

She looked down. Her nightmare was coming to life. It seemed forever when she heard her name being called.

“Aria” Harry called his eyes were becoming more bewildered by the second, her silence was confirming his gut instincts. She looked up at him before looking down. Pulling at her sleeves occupying her hands. She was losing the battle on holding back her tears. It wasn’t long before he called again.

“Aria… I asked yeh a question” his voice assertive he walked closer to her searching for her eyes. His breathing uneven. He needed her to tell him nothing happened. Everyone was looking at her waiting for an answer.

“ARIA!” he screamed in frustration. He startled them.

“Oi! Wha’s going on in here?” His dad asked walking in

The tears won they poured out of her eyes

“Aria tell me wha’ happened!” anger spewed in his voice

“Harold!” his mother scolded in a whisper

“Oh my god!” Gemma said in shock

The whole room came to the realization something dark happened that night. Her behavior made sense now the lack of appetite,the pale look on her face, the vomiting, the insomnia, the night mares.  

“Aria” he whispered she had yet to speak. He needed her to say it was a joke. That there was no way it happened.

She looked up at him with tears rolling down her face, her hands were shaking pulling on her sleeve  “please don’t make me go back to that night” she spoke softly

“Oh!” Anne grabbed her chest “yeh poor thing” Anne immediately rushed to her side and held her in a tight embrace.

“Harry he didn’…. did he?” Gemma looked at him hoping he could offer up a reason

He squatted down. Holding his head. There were no longer butterflies in his stomach from fear of the truth. Fear was replaced with anger which started from his chest and radiated out  “ ’M GONNA KILL HIM!” He said standing up

“Oi! Stop that!”

“Dad not right now!” He paced the floor “…. That BASTARD put his hands on yeh? im going to kill him!

“CALM DOWN HAROLD!” His father said grabbing his shoulders

Aria sobbed in the background. He should have known something was wrong. Her eyes told him something was wrong they were filled with sorrow. He pushed passed his father going outside.

“Oi! come back’ere!” His father chased after him

Gemma knelt down next to her crying and hugging her “Im so sorry Aria”

[burnafterreadingx]

current events?

Ok. We are broken up. I booty called him. once. Bad idea. I ended up in a depressed state yet again. But I got myself out of it. Was out in public with him and our friends was FINE. 

The other day the fucking kid calls me 6 times at 4 am. I get nervous and pick up. 

“can I sleep on your couch?”

I ask.. “where are you?

He goes “your back door.”

HE WAS AT MY FUCKING BACK DOOR LMFAO. 

SO I get up and let him in ask if he needs anything and go into my room and go back to sleep.

Oh before I forget I am also on day 3 of a 104 fever deadly sick. 

Ok anyway. 2 hours later I wake up to him climbing into my bed. I don’t ask questions I just let it be and go back to sleep idk. He leaves in the am. 

The next day he’s texting me about how much he’s depressed and stressed and really just making me nervous. Despite everything I’m still in love with him and I still care for him. So I ask him if he wants to come here and talk. He does… he gets into bed he’s cuddling me loving on me, talking to me. He was my old *******. 

The next day we talk some more we cuddle. I ask him why he showed up at my house the night before he goes “i have been missing you” (my heart melted) I cried my eyes out which I hate doing in front of him but whatever whats a girl to do…control her emotions ? Yeah, ok. He missed me. He told me he misses me and he loves me. 

 He goes home etc…. Btw I’m still super sick. 

Everything he was worried about was figured out and ok. I checked on him a couple times. Couple one word responses. 

He doesn’t need me anymore… so why reach out.. why call me.. why come over. I made him feel better and now I’m…trashed. 

well.. thats how I feel. 

I texted him this.. 

“I’m happy you came to me and felt comfortable enough to open up to me a little and stuff but on the real. The second Ur good its like back 5 steps & giving 0 fucks about me or how I’m feeling. Having you back here with me. In bed with me. Hugging me cuddling with me laughing with me. RE broke my heart. Because I know now that it wasn’t cause you missed “Me” you just had no one else. I was ur only option cause you know I’d fold and let you back in. Well I’m over it. It’s either you want me there to help you thru things ride or die or you can go text one of the girls you thought you’d be “missing out” on while being with me next time you need something. Cause I deserve a hell of a lot better than that. Oh and btw yeah I still fucking feel like shit. Thanks for asking.”

He said “no wtf I’m working” and he will call me. 

ok.

“im still gonna call you I’m just driving in pouring rain up and down hills. And don’t have my pods.”

Ill let you know if I ever get that phone call…

I like how I say “ill let you know” 

no one reads this lol 

[set--suna]

A Different Mask

Hi this is bad but I'm posting it anyway -- The world of the Phantom Thieves was a hilly one. There were challenges and calm, dangers and warm moments. But all the Phantom Thieves had one thing in common: they went through their pain together. They had been there for each other when nobody else possibly could be. When one Thief couldn't be there, there was always another to help with whatever pain one had. They were, as they say, thick as thieves. All the Phantom Thieves had reached one unconscious conclusion, as well: none of them had been through as much as their leader. They all agreed on it, even if they didn't know it. Akira Kurusu deserved the world. -- The group would always be there for each other. Akira knew that fully well. Yet he never leaned on them when things got rough in his head. They all relied on each other, but Akira couldn't bring himself to put his problems on their shoulders. Whenever his confidence wavered in a Palace, the team was always hyping him up. But that's all they saw. They didn't see his emotions outside the Metaverse. Those were his only secret. They didn't know about his nightmares. They didn't know the reason he listened to all of their problems was so they didn't end up like him. He wanted them to have someone to turn to. So he locked his feelings away to be the cool and collected leader he was. Supposedly. He kept his trauma inside. He kept the anger he felt when his friends were taunted and teased contained. He tried to make the comments from the kids at Shujin go in one ear and out the other. Whenever someone looked at him with that look of disapproval, he oh so tried to shake it off. But it all made him have days where everything just felt... numb. Like nothing he did mattered. These days were the days he thought about betrayal. Where he thought about his friends leaving him behind. Abandoning him. Akira Kurusu was scared. Today was a day where his feelings slipped themselves into every crack of his thoughts they could find. They partially distracted him at school, made his comments to his friends sound half-hearted when he truly meant them, kept his responses to Sojiro short, and made him reluctantly obey Morgana when he told him to sleep. "Hey, Akira, what'd you get on the third question of the test? I put B, but I'm not very confident in my answers," Ann sighed, resting her head on her hand. She had her mouth in a pout with her genuine look of unconfidence. "I got B, too," Akira responded. He sounded uninterested, but he really wanted to boost Ann's spirits. "Oh, great!" Ann said with a smile. "That makes me feel better." She spun back around when the next teacher walked in the room. He didn't miss her look of slight concern while she turned. "Welcome back. How was school?" Sojiro asked when the bell rang above the door to LeBlanc. "Good, as always," Akira responded, it didn't come out as he intended it to. Sojiro just laughed softly, "An answer I'd expect from you." He frowned as Akira moved towards the stairs, absentmindedly wiping away at a glass. "So, you ready to go to bed?" Morgana asked later. "Yep," Akira replied, sliding under the covers. "I'm tired." "For once," Morgana said sarcastically. "Goodnight." "Goodnight," Akira turned on his side and shut his eyes. He didn't see Morgana jump on the bed and give him a worried look. He just felt him curl up next to him and release a sigh. -- Akira had a nightmare. He was back in Okumura's Palace. A crowd of worker robots surrounded him and his friends. They had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. They fought and they fought to no avail. Akira had to watch as his friends fell around him, one by one. Ann was bleeding from a wound on her head. Makoto's arm was broken at the elbow, told by it's odd angle. Yusuke was so beaten he couldn't stand. Futaba was trapped outside the circle, not hurt but in danger. Morgana was struggling to stay conscious. Ryuji's leg had given out on him due to the stress. Haru was standing mostly uninjured, but her father's shadow was pestering her with "Okumura Daughter" duties. Akira was helpless he couldn't do anything. He was exhausted. He fell to his knees. "This is what brats like you get for meddling in the wrong business," Okumura walked to Akira. "You get beat." There was a gun shot, but Akira missed it. He woke with a start. He was shaking. He felt lightheaded. He couldn't focus. He pulled his knees to his chest and squeezed them tight. He didn't notice Morgana stir next to him. Morgana didn't move. He didn't want to move. He didn't want to risk Akira's panic getting worse. Instead he just pretended to shift in his sleep. Akira's shaky hand reached for the windowsill. He grabbed his phone and checked the group chat. Nobody had said anything since their final goodnights. He wanted to talk with someone, anyone. But who would be awake at this time of night? He gave in. Akira: Is anyone awake? Ryuji: yeah Ann: yep Futaba: mhm Yusuke: Yes. Haru: I am. Makoto: So we're all awake at this ungodly hour? Ryuji: i couldnt sleep Ann: Me neither Ann: I keep falling asleep and waking up again Haru: I get how you feel, I was just thinking of texting you all myself. Yusuke: I am only awake because Futaba is keeping me up with her constant messaging. Futaba: this is important stuff im sending you! Yusuke: You are sending me pictures of foxes in costumes. Futaba: EXACTLY Makoto: So in one way or another... We all are having a struggle with sleeping. Ryuji: thats what it looks like Ryuji: aww man i wish we could meet up Ryuji: im not even sure if i feel tired anymore Ann: I mean, it's almost 5, we could meet up anyways? Makoto: When did everyone go to bed? Ryuji: 10 Ann: 9:45 Haru: Nine 'o clock. Yusuke: Eleven Akira: 10:30 Futaba: ive taken naps throughout the day so im not really tired Makoto: I see. Makoto: Well, I guess we all got reasonable hours of sleep. Makoto: I will permit this once, and only because we are all in the same boat here. Ryuji: all right! Ann: Yes! I've always dreamed of doing something like this! Yusuke: Where should we meet? Ryuji: how about Akira's place? is that ok? the place doesn't open until 8, right? Akira: Yeah, it should be fine. Haru: What about Mona? Is he awake? Akira poked the cat with his finger. His hand still felt slightly shaky, but he was calming. Morgana meowed in reply, but rolled onto his side to look up at Akira. Akira: He's up. Futaba: Great! See you all there! Akira sat his phone screen down on his bed. Morgana now laid on his stomach, his tail swishing around. "What's up?" he asked drowsily. "Everyone's coming over. No one could sleep except you," Akira replied, semi-sarcastic. "Ok, might wanna fix that bedhead of yours a bit, though," Morgana replied. -- Futaba was quick to hop onto Akira's bed, sitting criss-cross for once. Ryuji sat on one end of the couch and Ann on the other, stretching her legs out across Ryuji's lap. Makoto and Haru sat on the floor by the sofa. Yusuke simply took a chair. "Man, I'm glad to be outta my house. There was no chance of me sleepin' anymore," Ryuji groaned. "Every time I shut my eyes, they just wanted to open again," Ann complained through a partial yawn. "I would fall asleep for an hour at a time. It's rare I sleep like that," Haru shook her head. "Do we all have something on our mind that's keeping us up?" Makoto questioned why this was happening. "Umm... not that I can think of," Ann answered. "There's nothing that would keep me up at night except Futaba," Yusuke commented. "Shut it, Inari," Futaba responded. Akira fumbled for words. He ran a hand through his hair in thought. While the others maintained a steady conversation on sleep habits, Akira was lost in his thoughts. He wanted to tell them. He didn't want to keep his emotions a secret anymore, they deserved to know. They cared about him and should know when he's feeling down. But how could he start? He didn't have to. "Akira? You ok?" Morgana asked, tail swishing. "You look kind of out of it." "Now that he mentions it, ya do, dude. What's up?" Ryuji is quick to follow up. Akira hesitates, "There... There's something I need to tell you all." Akira talked the most he had ever talked at once then. He told them about his nightmares of losing them and everything he's ever known. He told them about his emotions building up and how he felt like crap on those certain days. He poured his heart out in a matter of minutes because he wanted to stop hiding this. He wanted to stop being scared. He talked about the trial and being sent to Tokyo by his parents and how it made him feel so... abandoned. Betrayed. "Akira... You know you can talk to us, man," Ryuji was frowning though he was definitely concerned. "Yes, you will always be one of us," Yusuke spoke, sitting on the edge of his seat. "Mhm, text me whenever and I'll be sure to respond!" Futaba nodded encouragingly. "We will always be there for you, Akira," Makoto had slid closer and placed a hand on his knee. "Wherever we may be, we will always be willing to talk." Akira felt his hands get shaky again. But there was no fear or panic this time, just relief. They still saw him as Joker, their leader. Their tactician. Their friend. "I never would have known this affected you so much if you hadn't told us," Ann frowned guiltily. "Yeah, I feel bad," Ryuji looked sad. He faced Akira seriously. "Just worry about yourself, man, before you worry about what others say." "They don't know you like we do, anyways," Futaba added. Akira nodded. His face was hot. He was struggling to keep his shaky hands under control. He felt tears welling behind his eyes. Why was he still trying to keep his emotions in? "I'm glad you told us about this," Haru smiled at him warmly. "You can surely rely on us as much as we have relied on you, leader," Yusuke says assuringly. Futaba quickly hugged Akira's arm when he began to cry. It ended up with all of the Phantom Thieves on or around his bed. Ann was on his other side, head on his shoulder. Ryuji sat on the other side of Futaba, his hand lingering close to Akira. Makoto was kneeling in front of him, clasping a hand in both of hers. Yusuke and Haru sat in chairs on either side of her, leaning in close to fill the circle. Akira's free hand was on his face, wiping away tears that kept being replaced. Morgana squeezed in and curled up in his lap, nudging him with his nose. "We're a team, Akira. Teammates never leave another behind," he said, closing his eyes. The Phantom Thieves of Hearts had always had one thing in common: they shared their pain together. And they all awakened to one more thing; Akira Kurusu deserved the world.