#im still trying to figure that out because i thought my friends made me draw it when the donghua was airing

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

yooooo!!! you’re my favorite ethan winters artist i just wanna say that first and foremost, thank you for the wholesome content of my comfort character and father figure 🥹🫶

i’m really curious bc i feel like i see a lot of people against mithan (not me personally, i’m p neutral on them!) but i’m curious to know all your thoughts on them! thoughts on their canon relationship, their fanon portrayal, the backlash against them/mia accusations, and your headcanons? i’m just really interested!!! hopefully that’s not weird :”)

have a good day!! sparkle on!!! ✨💖

i heart mithan... i think that they can be so cute...

i personally hc them t4t and i like to think that the dated in highschool before they both had fully transitioned

mia likes to bake and ethan likes to scrap book and he always likes to take pictures of mias cakes/ baked goods and has a album for them 😭

i am a multishipper so i draw a lot of ethan ships so my girl is left out sometimes and im sorry mia 😔

i actually really like their relationship, its a really complex dynamic that i like to talk about with my friends

i think the issue is that when talking about mithan or mia in general, theres just SO MUCH misinformation that its honestly a pain the butt to talk about

people still think that she was responsible for the creation of eveline, people still think that she experimented on eveline, people still use examples of her attacking ethan as if she did it on her own will instead of being mind controlled

in reality she was just someone who oversaw the transportation of evie. im not excusing her or anything because obviously she knew what she was doing, but people really try to accuse her of doing something she didnt and it bothers me alot lol

the problem with the fandom is that people either try to water her down to girlboss who did nothing wrong and fail to acknowledge the complexity/ moral grayness of her character and the other side is misogynists 😭😭😭😭

its hard to talk about her without people either going "stop trying to villainize her and make her look bad!" or people ACTUALLY villainizing her and acting like heisenberg would have treated him better 😭😭

mithan is such a sad relationship because they loved each other so much and that ended up being the reason their relationship fell apart (sort of... its not like the broke up... ethan kinda just straight up died)

i get a lot a trouble for saying this, but mia is a selfish person.

its not a bad thing! well i mean it is but it doesnt make her some evil witch who is somehow worse than the guy how made a werewolf american ninja warrior. its just a major character flaw she has! which is good! mia being a flawed person who makes mistakes and morally gray decisions make her a more interesting person!

she is selfish in the way that she wants to keep her family with her no matter the cost. even if it means lying to ethan about her job so that he wont think different of her. here is a interrogation from the re7 DLC, which is easy to miss!

she isnt necessarily trying to apologize for the things she has done, she is more of a, "u wont need to forgive me in the first place if we just forget it all and move on"

she doesn't try to redeem herself for what she has done, she tries to move on and return to the normal life that she wants so bad. which is fine! everyone copes a different way and she has to right to move on from her trauma. the problem that lies in this is that she has a shared trauma with ethan who still has no idea what went on in dulvey and still effects him till the present (he is mold! this is a important thing to know! most people would want to know if they were a walking corpse)

she played a direct part in what happened in dulvey, and im not referring to the email, she did not send that. she never wanted ethan to come in the first place. she tried her best to send a video to him, begging him to forget about her because she wanted to protect him, BUT it didnt send.

he got involved because she was involved. its honestly a series of really really unfortunate events.

THOUGH! she did know what she was getting into. im tired of seeing the narrative that mia was innocent and didnt know what was going on or was simply a bystander. she knew what she was doing, she knew eveline was a bioweapon, she knew eveline was a child. she used a MACHINE GUN! she knows how to use weapons and was obviously trained for it.

she tried her best to keep everybody out of the mess, ex: warning the bakers not to take them in, warning ethan not to find her, sacrificing herself for ethan in the later half of re7

but again, those are the consequences of HER actions

her consequences just happen to get really big and end up hitting ethan on the head like a metal sheet 😭

their relationship is really so interesting, it makes me really sad to think about sometimes 😭they both went through something that nobody else would ever understand, in the end they really only have each other. they get moved to an entire different country and the dulvey incident gets covered up with a "gas leak"

its really tragic because their marriage definitely had some flaws and bumps. and i know im repeating myself but its because people always take this in the worst way possible but just because i say their relationship was rocky doesnt mean im saying they dont love each other!!! thats the entire basis of mias character!! saying she doesnt love ethan would destroy her entire character!

you can see in the re8 DLC how fondly ethan talks about mia! he loves her so much, though im not sure if his comments in the DLC are him narrating current (post re8) or his thoughts before everything went down and he died (pre re8)

everything mia did was because she LOVED ethan. she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, she is not a cruel person. she hides the truth of her job from ethan pre re7 because she loves him and doesnt want her job to drive them apart. she CONTINUES to refuse to tell ethan the truth post re7 because she wants to move on a live a happy normal life with him and knows something like her being directly associated with the connections would probably cause (more) problems. she refuses to tell ethan that he is mold because again, hard to live a happy marriage with your husband after you tell him hes a bioweapon.

obviously i dont think it was right that she did this, thats what makes her selfish! she did it for herself! she did it for her family! she thought it would work out, she thought that they could move on and be happy together.

the issue is that ethan didnt want to forget. he wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know the part mia played, he wanted answers! which is reasonable! he knows to some extent that mia was partially responsible for his involvement and he was always suspcious that mia was lying to him about her job which is implied when mia says "you were right, i did lie to you"

she doesnt learn, she doesnt stop lying, her lies get bigger and worse and it sucks yeah but it makes her so interesting!!! she keeps doing stupid things under the idea that this is whats best for her and her family, that if she hides this everything will work out and it will be for the better but its not!

just because telling your husband hes dead and a bioweapon is a hard subject to bring up doesnt mean you DONT bring it up. people shouldnt use that as a reason to excuse mia 😭, its a very bad excuse and honestly highlights how horrible their communication skills were. you cant just not tell your husband that he is actually infected with the mold and not tell him for the tree years between post re7 and pre re8.

im not saying these things to put mia down, or try and villanize her. these are all just actual things her character does! she isnt evil, but she isnt a knight in shining armor either. we need to be able to have talks about complex characters without crying everytime someone points out a flaw. characters have flaws! and mia just happens to have a lot of them!

im not mad at her, i dont dislike her because i think this way of her. shes a fictional character! you can like characters that are morally gray, or villains that drink blood and make corpse soldiers. they are fictional! pointing out the flaws of a character does not mean i dont like them.

i wouldnt call her "the real villain of re8" but i wouldnt treat her like a damsel in distress either. she is a competent person, she knows what shes doing, she has her reasons for doing them. she made bad descions with good intentions behind them! they can coexist and we should let them!

i like mithan! its a complex relationship because they both love each other so much but hurt each other in the process

talking about them is just a pain in the butt because talking about mia is a pain in the butt lol

i really hate how she keeps getting sidelined, its super frustrating to see mia get put in a cage in every game 😭

its even more frustrating that mia straight up just disappears???? in the shadows of rose DLC... like she just stops taking care of rose and theres nothing said about it. no reason or explanation. i dont think mia would ever ditch rosemary because she didnt care about her, but we probably will never know because capcom sucks at writing and they probably forgot the mia ever even existed.

all in all, i think the fandom is really just full of misinformation which make people either think mia is some horrible evil person, or its full of people who think that saying mia messed up is the equivalent of comparing her to wesker lol.

i really love mia, shes a incredibly fun and complex character, its just hard to enjoy her sometimes with the people in the fandom haha.

also ive got no idea what u meant by "the backlash against them/mia accusations" so sorry if i didnt answer that!

thank u for the ask! sorry for the long response!

[basilpaste]

i had a whole big idea for this, but im afraid im not terribly good at comics! or drawing fast!!! but its isas birthday!!! happy birthday!!

(the gifts are under the cut! written out!)

"Thank you! But, oh Change, you really didn't have to get little ol' me anything, ehe!"

"Nonsense, Isabeau." Odile huffs fondly. "You're part of our little team, after all. Did you think we'd forget?"

Maybe a little? You don't even entirely remember telling them about your birthday! From the look on Mira's face, though, you must have told her. It seems like she orchestrated the whole thing.

She claps her hands together cheerfully, "So! Who wants to go first!"

Bonnie waves their hands wildly, hopping up and down. "Oh!! Oh me! I want to give Za my gift!!!"

Heh! It doesn't seem like anyone's willing to fight them on it. After a moment of silence, they cheer, rushing off to heft up a small gift bag. They hurtle back towards you and present the bag dramatically.

You gingerly take the bag from them and pull it open. Inside is a-

"WAUGH?" You yelp, dropping it!

The bag falls on its side, sending the contents tumbling out. A spider?! A spider!

A... spider-shaped pin cushion.

Oh.

Bonnie lets out a long hard laugh, pointing at you, "Hahah!!! You thought it was a real spider!! Spiders don't get that big, dummy!"

"You'd be surprised," Sif speaks up, batting their lashes oh-so innocently.

You shiver. Bonnie also shivers.

"Thank you Bonbon for the pin cushion." You say, grabbing it off the ground.

... Stabbing a spider-shaped thing might feel kinda nice, actually. It was obviously a prank gift, but you'll still get plenty of use out of it!

Bonnie grins at you brightly.

Odile steps up next, bowing her head to you. She passes you a neatly wrapped box. You carefully remove the paper (its pretty!) and unfold the box.

Oh! A book!

Colour Me Curious: A History Of Colour Theory.

"Back in Dormont's House," she glances back at Sif when she says the word Dormont, you pretend you don't see, "you mentioned having an interest in colour theory. A librarian a few towns back recommended this to me. I figured you might enjoy it."

You nod rapidly. Oh!! You're surprised you haven't looked into it yet! You're not sure how you forgot! Especially considering the weird shade - colour - you all have seen! With your eyes!

"Thank you, m'dame!!" You say, trying to be mindful of your volume.

She smiles, "Of course. I'd like to hear what you take from it."

"Of course!!"

"Okay! Okay, um... me next!" Mira pulls two boxes from her dress pocket (?????) and holds them anxiously, "I shouldn't have gotten two! I don't want to overshadow anyone else! But! I think you'd like these both! So! So. I got them both! Happy birthday, Isabeau!!"

You scoop them from her arms, "I don't think anyone is worried about you overshadowing them, Mira!"

The rest of your friends hum in agreement.

"Okay."

A beat.

"Start with the smaller one!"

The smaller one turns out to be a light novel of some sort. Oh! She's talked about this one before!! How she thought you'd like it because it's super cute! You thank her and place it softly on top of Odile's gift before turning your attention to the larger box.

This is...

"Oh?" You squeak, feeling a little choked up.

"Oh?" Mira echoes, "Oh no! Do you- do you not like it?"

You grab the gift from its box, running your hand along the grain. Oh no! You might cry! Oh Change!

"Mira!! Mira this is so expensive? This is so much?" You feel unworthy to even hold it.

This is like... three meters of silk?? It's dyed such a rich lightless shade? That's unbelievably expensive!! It's beautiful and so well made that you're not sure what to do with yourself. Oh crab.

"It wasn't so bad, really!!" She yelps, worry clouding her expression.

You very softly (very, very carefully) tuck the silk back into its gift box. Then you throw yourself at Mira, sweeping her up into a tight hug. She cries out, clinging to you. And then bursts into a fit of giggles.

"Thank you thank you thank you???"

"Waaa!!" She laughs, "I'm glad you like it!!!"

"I know I know lightless isn't really your shade but you HAVE to let me make you a bow with this, Mira!!"

"Ah!! If you want to!!"

"I Do!!"

"Okay!"

You pull away from the hug, glancing back at the silk. You feel your chest swell with joy!! Oh Change!! This is so much stuff! And you're still not done!

Sif looks... a little bit nervous. They shift the box they're holding in their hands and shuffle up to you. After a moment of hesitation, he holds it out.

"... Happy birthday, Isa."

You take the box with care. It's small, but heavier than you're expecting. There's a bow on top that Bonbon snatches after you take it off. All of these gifts have been a surprise! But you're really not sure what Sif got you!

You open the box.

A piece of lightless fabric sits under the lid. It's embroidered! Not perfect or flawless, but done with care. Darkless spots are scattered on its surface and in big capital letters, it reads "You're A Star!"

Oh!! You get this joke, now! It used to only make sense to Sif but you know now!! Your chest feels light. You laugh.

"There's more." They say quietly.

You nod, gingerly removing the embroidery and setting it to the side. It reveals... a wood carving!! You pull the carving from the box, turning it over in your hands. This is you!!! It's a carving of you!!

How did you not notice him working on it??

"Sif!!" You gasp, "Sif it's perfect!!!"

"O-Oh?"

"This is beautiful!!! You made this? And the patch??"

He looks away, hiding his face in his cloak, "Um... yeah."

"I love them!" You grin so wide it hurts your face, "I love you! All of you!! This is all so... ah!! I need to start thinking about gifts for your birthdays, now!!"

"How about we finish celebrating yours first?" M'dame hums.

You feel light as a feather. You love your friends - your family - more than you can say.

[andiv3r]

The absolute craziest and most strangely gender affirming shit happened to me at lunch today, therefore I must share with all of my Tumblr mutuals and the randos who see this. Read more if you want. T

he TL;DR is that some people at lunch were trying to figure out my gender, ⅘ of them recognized I was a guy but one of them was being stubborn and it ended up with lots of really affirming statements about my appearance being made in passing as they tried to explain to the 1 person who thought I was a girl why I did not look like a girl at all and she was wrong.

So, I draw at lunch. It's the only time during the day I get to draw without my teachers getting irritated. Today at lunch, I sat next to a group of 5 girls, none of whom I've met before, who were talking about... something. And then one of them turned over to see what I was drawing and whispered to a friend, "woah, look what he's drawing!"

Okay. Cool. First time in a while I've been correctly gendered without having to specifically request it. Then the girl she whispered to said quietly, "erm... wait, I think that's a girl." Oh, well shit. Guess they're all probably gonna start commenting on me and decide that I'm not a guy, right?

Wrong.

All four other girls just turned to her and went, "What... what? What do you mean? He doesn't even remotely look like a girl!" Just totally bashing her statement, it was awesome.

Then she said, "But... it (yes, she referred to me as "it" the whole time, but I'm good with it/its so that was just sort of amusing) looks like it has... y'know." And gestured to her chest (at this point I'm not sure how the fuck they didn't realize I was listening in, or if they did they obviously didn't give a shit, because I looked straight at her). And the entire rest of the table was just like "Okay?? Hes chubby what about it?"

Finally, trying to settle it I guess, one of the girls turned to me and asked what my name was, and I said Andy (which is the name I use to introduce myself with most of the time, Andiver is a bit hard to explain), and she turned to the one who thought I was a girl and said, "See? Andy. He's a boy. Told you."

The girl snorted and said, "Uh, that can be a girl name. I still think it's a girl."

And finally, one girl turned to me and said, "Hey, you're not a girl, right?" And I frowned and, in the deepest voice I could muster (pretty deep, sounded really masc & im proud) said "No??" Like that was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard, and she whipped back around to her friend and said, "See, I told you! I mean just look at him, he's got sideburns and a mustache!" And I almost melted on the spot, because I didn't even realize that my facial hair was really noticeable but I'm so fucking happy it is. And then they all asked to see my drawing (an aziracrow sketch I'll show when I finish a lil more of it) and they liked it. And that was just. So silly. Loved that.

[candyredappledragon]

h-hi! the name is kieran. nice to meet you! ive been here for a bit and uhm.... sadly figuring out how to use this site! ( kind of afraid of interacting with others especially but im trying my best to not be easily scared ! ) i am not familiar with technology and or online things/words so please be patient with me. i know there are other kierans here too and honestly theyre pretty cool! ....d-dont tell them i said that. im not really a battler so if you are trying to look for one then im sorry to say that you will be disappointed but you can ask the others though. really sorry

..uh thank you for checking my blog— furret youre on my facEXSFDGCVHH

🍎 Please no genuine anon hate, nsfw, or anything really bad. ( You can be mean to Kieran! ) Pelipper mail is okay ( but malice is off for now ). Sapient Pokemon or the likes of interacting are fine too, Kieran is too much of a goofball to notice it. Please don't give him Pokemon the thought is appreciated but if you do they'll turn into stickers lol.

Please don't be weird. I'm serious. As well PLEASE be patient with me and not be pushy. I'm trying my best!

This Kieran is in AU as to what happens if Florian doesn't lie to him about Ogerpon and whatnot! Kieran still doesn't get Ogerpon and is fine with it ( kind of, as in this made him feel inferior to having friends and will always be chosen over by other people. ) His way of thinking is that maybe he should try to be nice and kind to others so that will help him get friends as he sees Florian do this the same to others. ( The only thing Kieran thinks he's not good at is having a funny personality. He is very awkward in person. ) Blueberry Academy was hard on him as he was almost practically as ignored and students tend to forget he is the champion because of his cowardly personality. Florian took over later as champion. Okay there.

(By the way this is a summary please don't hurt me. 💔)

Plus I will try to draw for asks but they won't be the best but surely will motivate me to draw! If there are no asks then I'll just draw daily things with Kieran so it's a win-win for me!

💥 This Kieran doesn't like to get involved with stuff so feel free to drag him into antics! He isn't the one to approach people either so if you are wondering why I don't start convos with other blogs with asks that's why. ( I'm shy too. ) He's a bit of a coward online and in person but he won't shy away trying to be friends with others.

🍎 Posts are tagged to make things easier! Feel free to block one of them to make your experience smooth!

Art related: art tag , art reply , daily Kieran art

Text related: text reply/reply text , text ask , text post , ooc post , reply reblog

Other: long post

Anything you want to be tagged? Please let me know! :)

"Can we use your art?" Feel free to use the art or whatever! Don't need to credit and I prefer not to be credited. You can edit it too! Idgaf just no bigotry. :,] "What do we call you and do you have pronouns?" Uhm, you can call me Eight or any other version of the number 8 itself. [ Ex: Ocho, Hachi, Acht, etc ]. No pronouns! Refer me to by name or just call me mod or some other third thing lol. "What art program do you use?" Clip Studio Paint! "Are you okay with collabs?" Of course! Please feel free to message me anytime. :] "What time do you post art/responses?" Uhm....... anytime to be honest? My sleep schedule is ABYSMAL. I am very much online unless I'm busy doing comp. "Are replies time sensitive when interacting with this blog?" Nope! Take your time with your replies. I am pretty chill and everyone is pretty busy with real life. Fair warning I'm a ditz. :( "Why did you make this blog?" To draw Kieran a thousand times over until I'm dead lol. ( Even if it isn't posted on this blog!) And world build my stupid au. :u I'm just currently on a small burnout on drawing. I'm sorry. :c

"Is this a sideblog?" Yeah, you are never going to find out my main!! It's very cringe ( it has different media art ). I will interact with my other sideblog with thoughts and reactions at times. [ if you are curious @/hahahasquib ]

"Do you like Kieran?" No. ( Yes. A normal amount. )

[teecupangel]

IDEA

Disclaimer: Fantasy Life (a 3ds game) is relatively unknown and I doubt that you know it. If you do, tell me please I have put 164 hours into this game and have no friends who know it. If you don’t, just ignore this ask, the story and game are complicated and don’t waste your time trying to figure it out for a tumblr ask. Backup question: what’s your favorite dinosaur?

Now, Fantasy Life idea:

Desmond AND Altair, Ezio, and Ratonhnhaké:ton all wake up in Fantasy Life in the place of the pov main character.

I think Altaïr would go for an Alchemist life before pivoting to do all the crafting ones. Get level 15 dagger skill so fast tho.

Ratonhnhaké:ton i think would initially go for Hunter life but mayyyybe the Wizard life would draw him in. He’d also be the most well rounded in terms of weapons even if he thinks it’s bullshit he can’t use a high level sword and shield.

Ezio im honestly not sure about. He might go for Paladin for the weapon style but I could honestly see him wanting to be a gatherer life instead. Or maybe a crafter.

Next to Ezio, Desmond would still probably switch the most. I have zero clue what he’d choose first he’d probably choose something out of panic at first and end up an Angler or smth lol.

During the story: Ezio tries and fails repeatedly to woo Yuelia, you can’t change my mind. Desmond finds it hilarious that he died due to problems with the Sun and now he’s having problems with the Moon. Altaïr is somehow the one keeping them all on track but also is the highest leveled in any and all of the skills he’s focusing on. Somehow, some way, impossibly, Altair makes a philosophers stone before they even make it to Al Maajik. Ezio is thrilled when he sees the Azure Rose and Rose Shield and uses them even if he has access to better weaponry. Ratonhnhaké:ton gets a dog from all three regions. Desmond immediately realizes they need the home in the Shopping District to hold all their stuff. Desmond unlocks the majority of the Bliss. Desmond at some point becomes a Cook. At least for a little bit.

I’ve got more but I think that’s enough.

I did not know about this but, considering it’s a Level 5 game, I am not surprised. Level 5 games tend to go under the radar with word of mouth being their best source of publicity (unless you get a super hit like Ni no Kuni).

It does remind me of Rune Factory a bit though. I would have tried it but the 3DS shop is already down. Oh, there’s going to be a new game for the Switch though, apparently, so we’ll see XD

I think you’re spot on with their life choices, especially Altaïr. He looks like the type of person who would craft lots of bombs and chuck them all to the enemies with his team wondering if this is Altaïr’s way of destressing and if they should be worried? Altaïr would probably try out Blacksmith too considering he did reworked the Hidden Blade and created the Hidden Gun. Did he recreate them in this world as well? Yeah, probably. It’s Altaïr.

No notes for Ratonhnhaké:ton, could totally see him going for Hunter first before branching out to check the other lives just to get a feel if any of them would be interesting in his eyes.

Ezio would go for Paladin at the start until he realized that he didn’t have to focus on fighting anymore. Sure there was the whole ‘the world is in trouble’ plot going on but he’s not alone in this and they have allies they can rely on. Ezio would change to something more chill like a Woodcutter, Angler or Tailor. He’s trying out the more chill lives to see which one he would enjoy and he’s happy that being a Farmer isn’t an option because he believes farming would just remind him of how much he misses his family.

Desmond would pick Mercenary first because Ezio had already picked Paladin and Ratonhnhaké:ton picked Hunter so he thought he’d pick the last remaining combat class. He doesn’t know magic so he didn’t pick Wizard. Also, he expected Altaïr to pick Wizard and Altaïr picking Alchemist is what made Desmond slowly start to realize the same as Ezio, that he doesn’t have to pick a ‘combat’ life. Sure, the first time he started to cook was when Altaïr invented protein bars (wtf) and Desmond needed to put his foot down because he is not going to eat protein bars for the rest of his life (Ezio was still in his Paladin phase). The reason why Ezio didn’t pick Cook is because Desmond eventually settled on a Cook life because he enjoyed cooking. There’s a kind of control in it that he didn’t have before and, also, this way, he can be sure his ancestors actually eat (especially Altaïr who tend to forget he needs to eat when he’s in a middle of experimenting).

I feel like in the end of this entire thing, Altaïr would have managed to recreate an Apple of Eden (which he just throws at Desmond because Desmond is a cook. Desmond is offended and wanted to hit Altaïr with his frying pan) and the Armor of Altaïr (which he gives to both Ratonhnhaké:ton and Ezio).

(Feel free to add more. I read TvTropes for this one hahahaha)

(I think it would be Archaeopteryx mainly because they’re supposedly around the size of a magpie and looks like the midway point of a dinosaur and bird looks like.)

[canis-dentem]

okay hi I’m the anon that you wrote a long response to, thank you so much it helped a lot<33 if you don’t mind I’m gonna just send my thoughts to you I guess? Idk writing things out helps me understand my thoughts better. shrug

your bit about not labeling your alterhumanity as spiritual or psychological actually connected with what I feel a lot esp the “i have it, and that's what matters to me.”

I was trying to read up on the different types but i didn’t connect with either to a HUGE extent but also. my connection to some things does feel so like. ohg its like. its such an existent thing; it’s hard to explain. just pure happiness and contentment and hhhfffffh (insert happy noises) when I’m in the woods or the rain or thinking about/drawing certain animals. And if anything it’s more spiritual but it’s also just there and it’s whatever it needs to be

“in my opinion, the biggest question is not "am i really a therian?" and instead, is, "does it make sense/bring me joy/fulfill me to connect myself to an animal?" if it does, move on from there.”

^okay this was so amazing to read because. this is stuff I’d tell people about other aspects of identity in general. like in the past when a friend has came up and said “I don’t know if I am this thing because I don’t know how well I meet criteria” I’ve said “does it make you happy? then go for it” But I wasn’t holding myself to that/letting myself consider that I might be somewhat something, and I didn’t realize that till now?? thank you so much actually wow (happy squinty eyes at you)

I’m still gonna be figuring things out but right now I’m kinda the vibe of “might be a little bit otherhearted, it seems similar to what I feel, but whatever I am, it’s something, and it’s mine, and that’s pretty cool.”

wow this was another long one, hope you don’t mind lol, thank you so so so much I really appreciate you taking time to answer my first ask! hope you’re having a wonderful existence<333

i don't mind at all!! im so glad my advice was able to help you :D i think alongside the like. identity bit, a lot of times people in this community don't tend to treat alterhumanity like any other label people can identify with--but that's what it is, you know? maybe someone identifies as a therian for a really long time and then realizes they were wrong, but that identity made them happy while they had it. i think that's more important than "am i really xyz???"

alterhumanity should be about exploring ourselves and using otherkinning as a way to do that. a way to learn about ourselves and find joy in something. if it's bringing you stress, it's not worth it. i hope you find what makes you happy, anon!!! go forth and be excited about the experience of finding yourself. <3

(and again--my askbox is open for any more "thinking out loud" or self-discovery talk!!)

[starified-lizzy]

I figured I should redo my intro to my blog-

ELLO >:DDDD

Name’s Lizzy! Or Star! I really don’t give a fuck which you use!

Here’s my pronouns card! https://en.pronouns.page/@starified_lizzy

I draw shit for FANDOMS

I write shit for FANDOMS

I got OCS whom I LOVE and ADORE.

“Can I draw fanart of your fics?” My sibling in Christ, we are married. /pos

“Can I draw fanart of your fanart(like DTIYS)?” My sibling in Christ. /pos

“Can I draw fanart of your OCs?” CHRIST. /pos

RAHHHHHH (it’s really fucking early I shouldn’t be doing this now ;-;)

Here’s a list of my socials, it is very limited because I hate the “standard” socials like Twitter and Insta and stuff like that. So it’s more like- fanfic sites, and any other blogs I own for you guys to check out >.>

My AO3

My Art Fight

My YouTube

My TikTok (basically dead at this point, I only ever like/favorite things on it, but I might start up again with my FNF au instead)

My Pinterest

My Spotify because sure

My FNF au blog

My demonpocalypse blog ([possibly] forever retired due to a severe issue in the community it was for)

Blog for food/recipes I want to try because MMMMMMMMMMM FOOOOD

Wow that’s actually not limited like I thought- hot damn I need to touch some grass.

HERES A LIST OF FANDOMS IM EITHER CURRENTLY IN, OR HAVE RETIRED FROM (Also CCs):

Retired-

DSMP (and MCYT as a whole for the most part), dude our community is in *shambles*. I’m so glad I left when I did, but at the same time O W.

ATLA. Technically I’m still in this fandom, but I only really get back into it/brainrot about it if I get a reminder, otherwise I kinda forget about it

FNAF. Same with ATLA, still technically in it, but I gotta be reminded it exists sometimes.

BATIM. Ditto

Wings of Fire. Ditto

Undertale. Ditto. Lizzy, my main persona, was actually an OC created from Undertale, who just ended up becoming her own person, and then ended up being associated with mine and my friend’s Minecraft au instead.

Onto CCs I no longer watch:

Any of the DSMP ppl, with very few exceptions

Jacksepticeye. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still watch a video of his if it pops up and spikes my interest, but I don’t actively seek his content out anymore.

Any of the old Minecrafters. Like DanTDM, Stampy, Tiny Turtle & Little Lizard. Hell, I don’t even think any of the ones I listed even do YT at all anymore. I’ll still watch their old videos tho.

Current-

FNF. I really could give less of a fuck if y’all think it’s “bad” or “for kids (it’s not, I promise you)”. The music slaps, and quite a few mods are really well made, so eat my ass.

Day of Dragons. The dragons are cool. I don’t care about any drama in the community. I’m here for the cool fucking dragons.

The Isle. Once again, I don’t care about any drama in the community. I’m here for the cool ass dinosaurs because you can customize your own skins and they just look and sound cool (Dilo, Herarra, and Ptera are my faves)

Lethal Company. Do it for the Company.

RainWorld. Scugs and Scups. Need I say more?

Hollow Knight. Sorta falling out of this one, but until I beat the entire game (P5) I am not finished.

Minecraft. Technically in “the fandom”, but not really attached to a specific YTer or anything like that anymore. I just like the game.

CCs I still watch:

Astral Spiff. Sprog is a good gamer.

Smii7y and his friends like Grizzy, Droid, Puffer, Blarg, etc.

Jack Manifold. I only watch his You Laugh You Loose and Ghost Sighting Compilation videos. I don’t even know if he still does Minecraft anymore.

8-BitRyan. While he doesn’t swear in his videos, it’s kinda a breath of fresh air. Plus his edits are quite funny.

Markiplier. Yes. Just… yes…

IGP. His content is just interesting. The way he freaks out over shit is funny as hell. Does he do content with IcyCaress anymore? Their banter was funny, but idk if something happened, cuz I just don’t see much stuff with Icy in it anymore.

As of right now, that’s all I can think of. It’s nice to meet you!

[somebody-in-this-world-who-lives]

Realized I haven't said anything here and oof

This will be a very personal post so before that I want to say I wish Shelby and everyone hurt by Will the very best. These things mess with our minds and I hope she finds peace in the response of the community.

This is just some thoughts I've been having since this whole thing came out that are really more about me but I wanted to get it out so I can move on

Ok so this whole thing feels so weird

I never let myself fully project on many content creators. This doesn't feel like the time I mourned for days thinking back then dream was a terrible person and felt lied to, thank God. This lacks the uncertainty and I dont feel bad its just kind of disconcerting I guess?

I never got that attached to Wilbur as a person since the fanbase was so extreme but if there was one thing (besides the music, I really liked the solo stuff he did) that really resonated with me about him was his mental health advocacy. The way he used to talk about feeling like a bad person, the struggles of being depressed and living in a less than ideal condition, his lyrics about feeling like you are hurting people around you and not being able to stop and all of the stuff people are calling signs now made me feel conforted back than. Maybe I just relate too hard to "loony artists" personas and the almost manic energy of it all. But fuck I was really happy he seamed to still be able to live a happy life with lots of friends with all of this going on like "maybe I can do that too" kind of way. Like, maybe I could not be alone and not end up hurting people by the way that I can be if I tried hard enough and watched myself in every step of the way.

Now knowing he did in fact fuck up people around him it just feels hollow. I know I tend to empathize with abusive characters in media because I fear I'll become like that and feel conforted in then changing but I really thought this was different. For one it's a real ass person I really thought had his shit figured out so like, im so disappointed? And I don't even know how to feel about all the ways we know his abuse manifested now like bitting, expecting her to clean his shit, saying put of pocket creepy stuff that I feel are mistakes I might make if I don't pay attention, I am really trying to hold on to the belief I would not ignore a safeword and that at least part of the behavior was intentional to hurt but it just makes me sick to even be able to draw that many comparisons.

I really have been trying to gather courage to try to be in a relationship this year and let go of the fear I'll end up hurt or/and be absolutely horrible and end up more alone and idk all of this just makes me scared, that someone that walked an artistic path so similar to what I want and that I admired in the past just did that. Like I said it's just disconcerting.

I really hope everyone hurt in this gets better and my sympathy to the people that idolized him for years now, it's probably hard to let go of who you thought this person was. I really just needed to get my feelings out for a second while they are still fresh and easy to tell. All the love for you guys, I'm probably not speaking on this again since it took a very long feelings forward time to type, but I really feel for everyone that feels they have been lied to in this situation because you have and it sucks.

[skinnytuna]

(i'm anon who replied to your long post about audience validation and art)

thank you for your response, it's very interesting. it's actually kinda funny because I used to be a person who never, ever shared anything I did with other people (online or in person). I wouldn't talk about the media I enjoyed or showed the drawings I made. it always felt too intimate - I was only doing it for myself and so having other people's eyes on it wouldn't add anything to my enjoyment apart from shame from not liking or creating the 'perfect' thing. if I imagined what I would do in the future, it was only from the perspective of what I would actually create, rather than the validation it would give me.

and then my world view flipped, I guess as I became increasingly exposed to online validation. I still dont share anything I make but if I (indulgently) daydream about creating something, it is rarely purely the process of creation that I think about. I cant separate the stuff I do and the response I would get like I could as a kid. this is probably partly because of watching numbers rise online. but maybe it could also just be the sad reality of transitioning into adulthood? when you are young the stuff you make is never going to get you shit. but when you are older, you are expected to view the world with a transactional slant: whatever you give, you must get back in return.

idk how into fandoms you are but I love them because they are a way to remove that dependence on transaction (both monetary and inter-personal validation) we have. obviously, fandoms mostly exist in an online world and so some people are going to be more successful at creating than others (and some people might even manage to make a tiny amount of money) but mostly they are pretty equal. most artists (fic writers/fan artists) are only creating for the sake of creation. they like something, want to improve it or want to explore a world and so they create. some fanfic writers will never get past 100 kudos on a single work, but they still write thousands and thousands of more words. this is because, for them, writing is a hobby and a way to have fun. they are literally unable to monetise it, and the possible size of a response is often limited by the tiny size of a niche fandom.

fan fiction is wholly and unapologetically amateur. it can be a great quality, but writers have the freedom to create imperfect things and learn as they go. there are no critics, book sales or best seller lists - you can just make shit and put it out there if you want.

idk if any of that made sense but yeah

it's funny you say that about adulthood because there are so many like. 13 year old rappers now who are solely in it for the money or dont understand why they are doing it and their parents are encouraging them to do it for the money so like. childhood for us was very different to what childhood currently is, right now this year.

but i personally cant remember a time when i wasn't desperate for validation like when i was playing guitar when i was 8 or 10 i still had that "i hope im good enough i want to be good enough without trying" feeling it's just the people i wanted to impress were like, authority figures. i wanted my guitar teacher to think i was cool. i wanted my moms friends to think i was funny. i'm still afraid of doing anything i haven't already learned how to do, writing is the first New thing i've attempted in maybe my entire adulthood.

it's kind of funny, when i was younger i didn't realize how bad i was at writing music and that's the only reason i stuck to it long enough to learn anything. i was like laughably bad at it in high school and no one really went out of there way to grab me by the shoulders and say "hey! you suck at this! stop!" though a bunch of people did tell me it kinda sucked. i mostly just thought they were wrong. they weren't. but now part of me doesn't believe i could ever be any good at something that isn't that. like when i write fiction i know on a cognitive level if it ends up being good it's not because i worked hard or earned it or anything it's just a complete fluke. and i don't even really believe people when they tell me it's good. even though obviously i'm only posting it so people will tell me it's good.

in a way i feel like i'm sort of shifting back to the way i was in high school... every piece of art i make im like "this is the best shit ever" and then i post it and if people tell me it sucks im like "lol. incorrect. your tastes are Unrefined" and then i keep making more whatever crap whatever. which honestly is the best way to live i think. i have some people in my life who really like, respect and admire that i make whatever the fuck i want without ever really considering whether or not i should. which is funny because i have a lot of people in my life who are like, Normal artists, who Think before they make something, and try to make Good Things and i envy them greatly because it really comes through in the work.

though obviously as an evil bastard communist i am a strong believer that "Bad" Art Is Radical and "Good" Art is Bourgeois Idealism and i find myself constantly torn between, the allure of timesinks and iteration and the mystique of hyperprolific stream of consciousness artists and i feel like i'm the worst of both worlds by not being fully one way or the other! but i guess not everyone can be Lil B and not everyone can be Frank Ocean and some of us need to sit in between those two extremes...

look at all this me talking about how i never stop and think about the art while i'm stopping and thinking about the art... i'm an Olympic level liar rn.

i've never read a fanfiction in my life (outside of like.. homestuck smut when i was fifteen. which i guess Technically Counts.) but as the form is widely derided i'm sure it has the most artistic merit of any thing. i think a lot about what a world would be like where money and art are completely unrelated. and all art exists completely separate from how much dollars it can make a corporation. would being popular even matter? would people still seek fame... complicated questions. Way if we pees form butts

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

alr here's my simple concept of redemme lore™ GRRRAAAAHHGGHH

disclaimer; im pretty sure i rewrote a lot of what red has to offer while maintaining the key concept that he's basically robbed of his former glory as he's now just the old, prone to error and glitches — concept of what canon red is now so like don't come at me if it's wrong or smth LMDIFHOAJDKS and this is definitely prone to change as this is just the first writing LOL

shortcuts in typing;

g.litchy red = red

current red aka brown haired red = canon red

p.o.k.e.p.a.s.t.a = pkpsta

~~~

ALRIGHT HERE WE GO

- red is supposed to be from the og game... like OG OG game, little to no color game, that's 1996 and mod creators confirmed he's 18+ above SO i do a littol math and assume we're now in the 2020s so hes 24~ give or take.

- in the canon pkpsta story he's stuck in his own game as he's definitely subjected to be toyed around for glitching fun and exploitations and so he finally had it — he's going to try to escape from his own copy and jump to another genuine copy ... maybe even getting the more recent games of GBA wouldn't hurt either.

- my mind is drawing on a blank on how he does manage to jump from his copy to another but let's just imagine he was able to do it for now — but anyways he ends up on the ruby/sapphire/emerald copy. let's go with emerald because im biased as fuck

- everything is much more colorful and less monochrome, but sad to say that his game sprite colors are still quite minimal and well... red, so he definitely looks out of place. (im filling plot holes SHHH) and he's still so glitchy, maybe even worse because he doesn't even belong there.

- so, he lives in this copy of pkm.n emerald now, but is kind of hidden away from most people. he just wants a place where he can't be played around with anymore so this is already fine for him.

- now the thing is, sometimes he leaves a few trails of red colored statics or well. glitches LOL like it's his form of "scent" or a "tell" that — oh it's this guy.

- some people noticed it, but it's not like they cared that much and assumed it was just some random wild plant p.oke.mon using an abnormal type of sweet scent attack

- that's where emme comes in — because she took more interest in that "scent" and wanted to figure out wtf is that thing and made sure it WASN'T her o.ddis.h, odie — using sweet scent 🤡... it doesn't even smell like ANYTHING it just go bbzsttt bzzt

- so eventually she does find out this guy wandering around, just not appearing too close to society. heck he's actually trying to familiarize himself with the newer generation of p.oke.mons that sprung forth

- red wasn't expecting anyone to find him so seeing her was such a surprise, especially that she's in so much color and up close — it does look really nice to look at, unlike his entirely red color scheme

- she was surprised too cuz wow, you are SO funky looking. everything about you is SO funky looking. i like you

- that's where she tries to befriend him and stuff, and while she has no understanding of where red really came from even if he tried to explain it thoroughly — she still thought he was cool so she still stuck by from time to time.

- at some point she tries to pull him back into the community, y'know like vibe with everyone?? why are you alone AHDHDHDHDHHSHDJ but it went well!! maybe a few weird faces darted towards him but because everyone knows emme's friendliness — they aren't TOO bothered by him. it's the "she's your friend so you're not a threat to me" mindset

- now the romantic aspect hOHOyJHOIHH COUGHING OKAY

- he loves her to bits because she's the one who really pulled him out of his misery and helped him feel like, the red he was supposed to be back then. he may not be the main character anymore because this isn't his game, but at least he has someone important to him, with him

- "they took everything from me — but at least I have you"

[frostbite-the-bat]

(DREAM JOURNAL ENTRY COPIED FROM DISCORD, WON'T EDIT IT, BUT IT WAS ADDRESSED TO RANDY)

there was a whole like… weird house i could climb into? it was very roblox-y and made out of white "blocks" and if i stepped 'out' the wind pushed me hard and i'd fall down and need to climb again

but once i was inside i could see the interior, it being bigger on the inside than it is on the outside like in a game where it was completely safe and i could see various rooms

i forgot what the goal or objective was (getting to the top?), but i remember my friend and i in the dream had to team up with some little gamer kid in one of the rooms who wasn't being exactly helpful, and we had to negotiate to get help or anything from him. he wasn't unwilling just wanted a lot compensation…?

then suddenly, i'm at a store with my mom, and she's picking up mlp toys. like really big ones, she needed my help and the worker's help to get it throught the door. she was getting it for someone's kid and the whole time i am thinking "those really aren't popular characters the kid may not like these…" but i didn't say shit

then we're back by the weird robloxy building with mom, and it's in the middle of the city where i live, near where my middle school would be. except the way home was longer and nearby was a big foresty park with a lake.

we think OH FUCK WE'RE GONNA BE LATE!! so we run to the bus stop and see it flodding with people. the line finally ends and we were about to enter the bus, but the bus guy closes the doors in front of us because the bus was full my mom instantly points and bolts us to a different direction and so we RUN. we try to take a shortcut to outrun the bus, which we believed that "by the next bus stop some people may leave and we get a spot"

but we just COULDN'T outrun it. we then see the lake and that it could be a shortcut and we jump in it. i wasn't the biggest fan of the plan thinking MOM R U CRAZY!!! and i swim with my back up weirdly, as i thought i had a backpack full of things i did NOT want soaked. (electronics, art stuff…)

but i then leave the lake early and notice I DONT HAVE A BACKPACKS. MOM. WE FORGOT BOTH OUR FUCKING BACKPACKS.

and NOW FINALLY, YOU COME IN

now i was in some… random building after…? i walk through it and then it begins resembliNg a mix of a mall with escalators and the buildings in lawbot hq. (the one where you go into lawfices) i see some familiar faces there, and suddenly i guess i am multitooning, but also not. i try to teleport my toons together, but i accidentally teleport to you.

then the dream pauses and gives me some like.. pup carrying sequence? it goes wolf quest mode? i like had a mate and then suddenly on a light blue page there's 8 pups and i had to move them with a cursor quickly into bed "containers" where they could rest. it then goes back and we're talking and i go "oh my god you reminded me that i got like 8 pups in wolf quest"

and you go like Wow that's crazy

and then i like walk around more and since it's toontown im like "wait. High Roller" and i think the thought of high roller woke me up. now i'm here!

added note: i finally didn't wake up as much as previously... like i still woke up maybe once or twice but it wasn't as prominent...? still got me to wake up and get up early, so i am unsure if it's me waking up constantly or me sleeping a bit less that's left me tired. since april 1st i just kinda stay up on toontown until i'm kinda ready to pass out. i think i was drawing today before i actually passed out, though, i was falling asleep during it and konked out around 3-4 ish am...? that'd leave me with less sleep. trying to figure out how the fuck i sleep is interesting for sure

[doomeddiary]

I pretty recently came across one of those ask game posts and in the format of "what color am i" with an edited png full of custom responses by the op and many of them were racy~~~ (breeding+watersports+more uwu) but one of them said something along the lines of "i want you to kidnap me and turn me into a snuff film star" and that made me go hmmm. Let me go and check this blog and see if what im feeling is the internal ping of intuitive pattern recognition or if this is something else, and as I'd come to find out no, miss mamas did have incest+rape paraphilias. Sad! Demoralizing! Blocked immediately! But i was still thinking about it.

(Readmore bc this gets long and rambly and tmi, cw for discussion on sexualized violence and mildly self fellating reflection over the nature of it and whatnot)

And i was thinking on how the first thing that made me pause was the innocent almost coquettish usage of "snuff" as a sexy fun cute concept, and trying to figure out what was the difference between her fetishization and eroticizing of violence and my own sexual proclivities.

Like being tmi open and honest mask off etc etc, I am heavily into bdsm, and i also love body horror. i adore blood and gore and guts and whatnot on an aesthetic and sexual level. It is largely fantasy as many of the plays id like to do are not safe or sane and i take safety very seriously, but its still something i know i am deeply attracted to and find erotic to fantasize about. So I did notice the parallels of my own deviant~ sexual tastes and hers, and i was upset and uncomfortable with those similarities bc again miss mamas is out here posting about wanting to rape st*ve h*rrington off ST like EEP... JEEPERS! and i wanted to unpack that thought and what real differences there were between these kinds of fantasies, and while my friends reassured me with "nooo youre into it differently/they're just doing it different" i didn't like the vagueness, because what is the difference?

And well I figured out pretty quickly and swiftly that it is ofc consent, which is funny given the context of "how are thy violent sexual fantasies different from thine" but yeah, while I am very into the idea of gore and blood and mutilation, it's only if like, my sub is also into it. And that they're miraculously ok afterwards. I am barred from ever being able to do any of my dream plays in real life because it would not be safe and anyone who would consent to them would probably have such a damaged or altered state of mind that any "consent" would be null and void so while its slightly embarrassing to admit, most of the time i envision fictional characters who are functionally unkillable due to some kind of heal ability or resurrection mechanic where they're not only able to enthusiastically consent but theyre ALSO ok afterwards! And its not my sole source of pleasure, i like vanilla sex as much as anyone, but it is one of those things that i know i love but will never indulge in, because i cannot and will not seriously maim or injure another person.

Anyways, all that to say that whenever i run across the "snuff as a cute sexy thing" girlies its pretty clear that the finality and lack of consent is the main draw. The idea of having your autonomy stripped from you or others as it would happen in real life is what is attractive and that will just never sit right with me, it is so clearly unsettling and unattractive to me. And yes, on its face they are both violent sexual fantasies that she likely won't be indulging in either, and I do not doubt that most regular everyday people would find my proclivities just as frightening no matter how fervently i reiterated how I'd never hurt a fly etc etc, but to me, the fetishization of removing consent is a significant aspect.

So, returning to the "snuff" aspect. The way i see it and rationalize it to myself, these kinds of crimes of violent misogyny and femicide happen literally everyday and are not titillating and having that kind of violence and removal of consent be such a central part of your sexuality is different, it changes the context of everything, I don't care anymore that it's just a "fantasy" because what you're really fantasizing about is emblematic at its core of the real violence worldwide. No fucking wonder she also had incest+rape paraphilias. Anyways.

tl;dr my sexualized violent fantasy is better than yours because the people in my imaginary fantasy fully consent and are having fun and we're all going to kiss and cuddle afterwards

[ithinkimsick2]

phew! i made it a whole ermmm 11 days. yknow, i only come here when i have things bad enough to say that i'd feel bad if my friends knew and honestly, that threshold is not super high. well today.. i think today kinda sucked. was really on edge and low social battery. and i still tried to socialise anyways because i like to pretend everything is ok. my thoughts were running very fast. and i.. i don't know. yeah i don't fucking know. everything is really a mess but i don't have time to clean it up.

also, i wish my shitty dad would stop trying to play happy family as if any of this will make up for my shitty childhood and shitty now and all the fucking problems he gives me. i don't want a fucking family vacation, in fact, i wish you knew how to say sorry, like, ever. wish you ever kept your promises and wish you knew how to change and wish you'd leave me alone. wish you'd feel bad for the fact that i can't even sit down with my family for a dinner without feeling mounting dread because i can only associate everyone together with things going wrong. i can't eat one of my favourite meals because it tastes of shouting matches and tension. i can't stand the sound of people walking outside my door because im used to people bursting in to yell at any moment. im afraid to do things because half the time ill be reprimanded and the other half no one will even notice. i can't talk to my own siblings because i don't know how and im afraid of being wrong because they always made fun of me and you never did anything. i can't focus on anything and i can't sleep but im still tired and my bones ache and hurt and my eyes are wet and for what? im scared to make noise or draw attention to myself and i feel like everyone is always scrutinising me.

... my friend, i miss you! even though we haven't known each other long, even though we have been through many different experiences, and sometimes i am not sure what to say, i find that i enjoy conversation with you, and there is much to talk about. i don't know why, sometimes its hard to admit things so i admit them here instead. even though i would probably have no problem saying this to you. im really not very experienced with human connection, but im figuring it out as i go. i don't need to know everything, right? i can go with my gut feeling. im not sure what the future holds but i hope it is good things for you, and me, and the people around us.

this has been nice to get out, even though i got quite frustrated in the middle, i think it's good to get those feelings out. often, as said before, i deny myself the opportunity to feel my negative emotions, like im denying them. but, i must acknowledge that sometimes, we must feel them still. the full range of human emotions, right? am i not here on earth to feel them all?

[frogtanii]

℗ me and my husband

atsumu x fem!reader (poker face ending)

series masterlist

♡´･ᴗ･`♡

wc. 3.2k (holy shit)

warnings. NOT PROOFREAD, v v soft domestic, marriage :00, smut!! (is marked off!!), soft dom!tsumu, hair pulling (giving), unprotected sex, slight praise kink, pretty vanilla ngl

an. can be read as a one shot but u might be confused lmfao also this took SO LONG OMFG also also heavily unedited, take things w a grain of salt lmfao anyways don’t forget to feed me ahaha m rlly proud of this so i hope y’all like it <33

it was moving day and atsumu was about to lose his mind.

today was the official day of the hyper house disbandment and while most of the members were still figuring out new living arrangements and thus remaining past the deadline, you were one of the few trying to get out as soon as possible.

makki and mattsun were so excited to have you move in, they showed up early that morning to help you pack. now, it was around 1p and it was almost time for you to go. you still had a few more boxes to go but things were speeding right along.

normally, atsumu would be right by your best friends helping you out but he was currently in the middle of a breakdown.

you were leaving. leaving. he had no idea when he’d see you again (even though you promised to meet up weekly to catch up), if he would ever see you again. for all he knew, makki and mattsun would just hide you away forever, never to be seen again.

okay, so he was panicking.

it was just... atsumu was in love with you. he’d known for a while (way longer than he’d like to admit) and he selfishly thought he’d have more time with you so that he could work up the courage to confess. but now? you were like three boxes away from a distance that he didn’t know if he or your relationship could recover from.

it wasn’t that he was bad at long distance but the tragic events that the house brought, brought the two of you closer together and he didn’t want to lose that.

atsumu let out a groan and dropped his head against the wall, his mind running with scenario after scenario, all ending in failure and utter embarrassment.

“hey, you okay?” you called out, a large box cradled delicately in your arms. as atsumu turned from the plaster in front of him, he allowed himself a moment to take you in.

you were wearing short athletic shorts, worn converses, and his t shirt. a thin sheen of sweat covered your skin, the lights above reflecting off of it, giving you a warm glow.

of course you looked hot moving boxes.

you called his name again in concern and he immediately felt his heart clench in guilt. you’d already been through so so much and here he was fantasizing about you instead of being there for you like a good friend would.

atsumu let out a sigh and shot you a wide, albeit empty, smile before walking over to you and taking the box out of your hands. the furrow in your brows told him you saw through his expression but he ignored it and made a show of lifting your box above his head and carrying it to mattsun’s car.

“see, what would ya do without these guns angel?” he joked, placing the cardboard into the trunk. you rolled your eyes and poked him in the side playfully. “die, probably.”

the butterflies in his stomach kicked up at the underlying sincerity in your voice but he tried his best to overlook it. it was much harder than it seemed, especially when you looked at him with such fondness in your gaze that made him want to kiss you senseless.

gulping hard, he quickly turned away from you, busying himself with fitting your things in the truck like a game of tetris.

“atsumu.” your voice was firm but pleading and he didn’t dare look at you for fear of spilling everything right then and there. “wow, ya sure got a lot of stuff, huh? wonder how much of this was bought with ushijima’s money,” he started to ramble but thankfully he was interrupted by makki whooping as he walked out of the house.

“last box bitches!” you shot atsumu one final worried look before running over to makki and mattsun, yelling the whole way there.

atsumu was grateful your back was to him because he couldn’t hide the affectionate look that overtook his face, a soft smile spreading across his lips as he watched you hip bump your friends while cackling wildly.

god, he was so in love with you.

what was he going to do when you moved out and away? what if you found someone, someone how loved you as much as he did (not possible)? he would wish for your happiness even at the expense of his own but... what if you both could be happy?

caught up in his thoughts, atsumu didn’t register you saying your goodbyes to the remaining members until you were finally in front of him.

“i’m gonna miss living with you tsum.” you unceremoniously launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in his chest. his heart leapt violently at the contact and he prayed to every deity above that you didn’t hear it underneath your head.

he barely managed to hug you back before you pulled away, your eyes slightly teary and red. “um, well, makki and mattsun are waiting for me so uh,” you trailed off looking back at the van and your friends who were so (im)patiently waiting for you to join them.

atsumu’s breath quickened as you scooted a bit away from him, truly getting ready to leave. no, no, it couldn’t end like this, awkward and distant. no, he wasn’t going to let it.

“atsumu?” you asked worriedly, reaching out a hand to touch him when he didn’t respond but he couldn’t hear you. he felt hot all over, like he was going to explode or magically combust if he didn’t get the words out into the air.

“tsum, are you oka-“ “i’m in love with ya.”

you paused, shock written clearly all over your face. the fear of rejection slammed into atsumu like a brick, the feeling settling in the pit of his stomach like a rock but he still didn’t stop.

“i’m in love with ya and i have been for forever. yn, yer beautiful but yer face and body aren’t even the best part of ya, even though they’re pretty damn great. yer just-“

“tsum-“

“-yer so kind, especially when ya don’t need ta be. yer badass but ya care fer others so deeply and ya make me wanna be a better person. ya make me a better person. i know ya-“

“tsumu please-“

“-ya probably don’t feel the same and that’s alright but i needed ta tell ya, before ya leave and fall in love with some other scrub, just in case we can be happy together and-“

all of a sudden, your hands were buried in his shirt and you were pulling him close to meet your lips with his, your mouths meshing together in a soft and passionate kiss.

bliss. atsumu was in sheer bliss. your lips were as soft as he thought they would be as they moved with his, his hands coming up to grip your waist and pull you even closer to him.

sooner than he would have liked, his lungs started burning for air so he pulled back but not very far, instead resting his forehead against yours.

“i was trying to tell you i liked you too, idiot,” you muttered, your eyes still closed as you spoke. he chuckled, a wide grin overtaking his entire face as he really took in what you were saying.

you liked him back. you liked him. holy shit.

but instead of saying any of that, he decided to tease you a bit. “just like? if i recall, i just confessed my undying love for ya.”

you pulled back with a faux scoff, hitting him in the arm with a huff. “shut up you ass. of course i love you too.” you couldn’t keep your real smile off your cheeks while you confessed, your soft expression bringing another wave of desire over atsumu’s body.

“can, can i take ya inside angel?” he allowed his true intentions to be heard in his words, your eyes widening when you figured out what he meant. you nodded vigorously before shooting a look to makki and mattsun. mattsun just waved you off and got into his truck while makki yelled, “get that dick!”

you heated up horribly, grabbing atsumu’s hand and pulling him towards the house and to his room. he allowed himself to be dragged along, sending winks to the other boys as he went until the two of you were standing right in front of his door.

“i love ya,” he whispered, lifting your hand to his lips to place a gentle kiss there. you grinned. “love you too tsum.”

that must have been the final straw because the minute the words left your mouth, he was on you.

••• smut begin•••

pressing you up against the door, atsumu ravaged your mouth, his tongue tangling with yours as he walked you backwards into his room, laying you down on the bed so that he was hovering over you, his hips pressing hard against yours.

instinctively, you ground up into him, rewarding you with a loud groan and a gasp of your name. “fuck angel, yer killing me here,” he laughed breathlessly, rolling his hardness against your thigh. you let out a breathy moan and tangled your hands in his hair to bring him back down to your lips.

as you continued to kiss him, his hands scrambled at your waist, pushing his hands under it to grope at your chest. you giggled at the cold of his fingers but he didn’t pay it any mind, moving down from your mouth to your neck, sucking dark marks into the sensitive skin there.

“ah, shit tsumu,” you tilted your head to the side to give him more access, just as he reached under your bra to tease your nipples. a startled gasp left you, your back arching into his careful touch. “that feel good angel?” atsumu asked, voice low and gravelly as he pinched the delicate bud, drawing another noise from your throat.

you nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. you bit your bottom lip while he pulled your shirt and bra off, tossing them somewhere in the room. as he scanned your half naked body, he noticed you quieting yourself and he lightly shook his head. his thumb found its way to your lip, carefully pulling it from between your teeth.

“wanna hear ya angel, let me hear yer pretty noises, yeah?” without letting you respond, atsumu dove back into your chest, suckling one of your nipples into his mouth while toying with the other, a sigh of his name sending a bolt of arousal straight to his loins.

he grinded against you absentmindedly, losing himself in you, eventually switching sides to give the same treatment to your neglected bud.

while atsumu seemed to be having the time of his life attached to your tit, you were getting impatient, your arousal completely soaking through your underwear. you needed more.

tangling your fingers in his blond locks, you attempted to tug him away from your chest but his reaction was unlike anything you could’ve expected. “aahh!” he let out a strangled whine, his hips bucking against your side.

“please, tsumu, need more,” you breathed, his needy reaction not lost on you as pulled his hair a bit harder. you were not disappointed as his eyes rolled back and his mouth opened in a silent moan before dropping his head to your shoulder.

“fuck, fuck, okay angel, i got ya, i got ya.” atsumu swiftly disposed of both yours and his bottoms and underwear before lifting your leg and positioning himself at your entrance.

“tell me if i hurt ya, alright? i love ya,” he smiled down on you, your heart swelling two times at his carefulness. “i love you too,” you replied, watching as his pupils grew and a low groan broke free from his chest.

“oh angel, ‘m gonna ruin ya.” that was the last thing he said before he pushed into you, both of you letting out whimpers as he stretched you open, the blunt head of his cock just a few centimeters shy of your cervix.

your back arched in pleasure, both of your hands scrambling until they found purchase on his back, your nails digging in just when he started to thrust shallowly into you.

“f-fuck, how’re ya s-so fuckin’ tight?” atsumu growled through gritted teeth, every word punctuated with a roll of his hips. you couldn’t respond as you were too overwhelmed with pleasure, his cock rubbing against your g-spot with every slow movement.

speaking of slow, he was moving way too leisurely for your tastes. you needed him to move faster and you knew exactly how to do it.

sliding your hand up from his back, you grabbed a good chunk of hair from the back of his head and pulled. his reaction was immediate and oh-so gratifying.

an honest to god whimper poured from his lips and he instantly thrusted all the way into you, his length driving into your g-spot perfectly. you both let out twin moans as he started rocking into consistently, every movement bringing you closer and closer to your peak.

“i love ya, i love ya so fuckin’ much, angel—shit—yer so amazing, i love ya,” atsumu rambled while pounding into you, deep curses and whines of your name interspersed with his declarations of love. if you could speak, you would reciprocate but you were too busy holding on for dear life as he fucked you into oblivion.

desperate for some kind of anchor to reality, you grasped onto his locks again, gripping tightly as drawn-out cries of his name slipped from your open lips. you were close, so close and he knew it too.

“feel ya clenchin’ around me like a good girl, ya gonna cum fer me? gonna cum fer me angel?” atsumu’s hand snaked down between your bodies to rub fast circles on your clit, a shaky sob finding its way out into the open air.

“oh shit, yeah, ‘m g-gonna cum for you tsum, ‘s all for you,” you moaned, clamping down on him sporadically as you started to cum, your vision whiting out and your thighs trembling while you gushed around him.

your mind was floating off when you felt him cum with a shout, his warmth flooding you and spilling out as he collapsed onto your chest.

••• smut over •••

the two of you lied there for a while, attempting to regain your brain and feeling in your legs. you vaguely made note of the wet rag cleaning between your thighs and the following weight falling down beside you but it was only after a few more minutes that you really came back to yourself, rolling over to lay on atsumu’s bare chest.

“holy shit, tsumu,” you said in awe, your boyfriend (!!) laughing at your reaction. “i’m just that good angel, what can i say?”

you groaned and hit him in the chest but you couldn’t keep the smile off your face if you tried. “you are such a menace!”

“only fittin’ that i picked a gremlin ta be with then,” atsumu teased while playing with a piece of your hair. mock offense filled your chest as you sat up, fixing him with your ‘angriest’ glare.

“is that the kind of language you’ll be using in your vows, mister?” you were only joking but when atsumu’s eyes widened and a blush spread across his cheeks, you realized your mistake.

you opened your mouth to apologize or to make some kind of excuse but he beat you to the punch. “ya wanna marry me angel?” he asked, looking so vulnerable with hope shining in his brown irises. you couldn’t bear to lie.

“of course tsum, you’re it for me,” you reached out a hand to caress his cheek and he leaned into it, his own coming up to cup yours and hold it against his face.

“good.” and that was the end of that, that evening’s... extraneous activities having thoroughly tired to the point that you fell completely asleep with your face against one of his pecs.

if you had stayed awake a little longer, you would’ve seen atsumu pull out his phone and start a new note titled, “my angel.”

if i just said i loved you, it would be an understatement. it would be like saying the sun’s surface is just a bit warm or that the arctic is just a little chilly. it would be an injustice to you and to how i truly feel about you. love—

“-is a word that is much too soft and used far too often ta ever describe the fierce, infinite and blazing passion that i have in my heart for ya angel. ya acknowledge my strengths and ya accept my faults. ya make me wanna be a better person every day. so, today i vow ta laugh with ya and comfort ya during times of joy and times of sorrow. i promise ta always pursue ya, ta fight for ya, and love ya unconditionally and wholeheartedly for the rest of my life. ya are my best friend and i’m the luckiest person on earth ta call ya mine- wait are ya crying?"

the audience burst into laughter as you frantically tried to wipe away your tears, punching atsumu softly on the arm. “of course i am, you ass.”

the officiant cleared his throat, grabbing both of your attentions. “it is the bride’s turn to give her vows. if you may?”

you nodded and atsumu already felt like crying. again. he’d cried that morning while getting dressed and then again when you walked down the aisle in the most beautiful dress he had ever seen. now, as he watched you pull a folded piece of paper out of your bra, he knew he’d made the right decision in confessing to you, all those years ago.

he also knew he was definitely going to cry again.

“atsumu, falling for you wasn’t falling at all—it was walking into a house and knowing that you’re home. today, i want to make you promises that i will always keep. i promise to never stop holding your hand or accepting your kisses. i promise to not hit you too hard when you insult me or call me a gremlin. i promise to share my food with you, to never go to bed angry, and to try and understand your obsession with professional men’s volleyball. i promise to love, respect, protect and trust you, and give you the best of myself, for i know that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. i choose you. i’ll choose you over and over and over, without pause, without doubt, i’ll keep choosing you.

i used to never truly enjoy moments because i was always waiting for what's next. the next thing horrible thing to happen. now that i have you, i enjoy the moment. every moment.

today seems like it's the start of a new journey, but i already belong to you. falling for you wasn't falling at all—it was walking into a house and knowing you're home. i love you.”

and at least in this lifetime

we’re sticking together

me and my husband

we’re sticking together

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[rafescoke]

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

Request: The second one I was hoping could be a Rafe x reader based on the song why’d you only call me when you’re high by arctic monkeys. Maybe something along the lines of rafe only calling and giving the reader attention when he wants to hook up. Finally, the reader gets tired of it their feelings known.

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Reader finds herself thinking about a certain boy more than what they had agreed on

Warnings: Hella angst, mentions of sex, masterbating, substance, cursing, toxic relationship

A/N: I’ve been updating a new fic every single day and the amount of love you guys are returning is beyond amazing. I love you so much, thank you for all of your kind words <3

p.s, again, my request box is always open. drop in any ideas and i’ll present to you my best :)

p.p.s, does anyone know why i can’t tag some users? im going crazy.

“I was thinking. . .” Rafe trailed, drawing invisible circles against her soft skin. She hummed in response, her eyes closed, feeling so relaxed under the silk bedsheet wrapping around her body.

“We should do this often.”

“Is twice a day isn’t enough for you?” she asked, hiding her smile. She felt him shift, placing his arms around her waist and pulling her close against him. She giggled lightly, feeling him behind her, but she was too tired to do anything.

“We should try doing it every minute,” he simply replied, smelling into her scent. She smelt like vanilla and caramel, just the way he likes it. “Is this the perfume I bought?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, feeling so peaceful she could sleep if he hadn’t pulled her closer against his hardening member. She groaned, trying to scoot forward by an inch, but was stopped by his fingers gripping her hips.

“I’m sore.”

“I know,” he replied casually, still brushing against her bottom. Before he could do anything else she turned, now facing him. She looked at his handsome face, his blue eyes and his soft lips. Her thumb grazed over his top lip, and Rafe swore he could fuck her anytime soon if she kept doing that.

“Are you not tired?” she asked, now cupping his face. He stared into her eyes, feeling himself getting lost in them before giving her a smile.

“No.”

“You’re mental,” she sighed, but she failed to contain her laugh after. She giggled, still cupping his face, and she has never felt so calm and relax before. Just them two, on top of a bed in some cheap motel, sometimes hearing the couple staying on top of them screaming at each other.

“Are you?” he continued, tilting his head into her hands. She smiled when he closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth radiating from her. He loves it. He feels at peace.

(Y/N) sighed, loving yet also hating these kind of moments where she knew they would be acting like strangers after, in front of everyone else. She remembered the exact day after she had had sex with him for the first time, and how he acted so cold afterwards.

“Hey,” (Y/N) smiled, standing beside his form as he squinted his eyes against the bright sunlight to inspect his goal. He didn’t reply, swinging his golf club upwards and hit the golf ball. (Y/N) watched as it flew and landed near the goal, and expressed a smile.

“You’re good.”

“Huh?” he looked up to her, as if just noticed her existence. (Y/N) felt a pang of hurt across her heart, especially when he had just whispered so many love words into her ear the night before.

“I said you’re good.”

“Oh, thanks,” he muttered, already making his way back to where his friends were. Clearly not satisfied, she followed him suit, watching as his friends cheered for him. Rafe groaned even harder, and turned to look at her before they got too close to his friends.

“What are you fucking doing here?” he scolded, his eyes staring at a space beside her. (Y/N) raised a brow, being caught off guard, but she tried to play it cool.

“I’m a member of this country club too, Rafe,” she replied, scoffing. “You’re an asshole, do you know that? Are we not going to talk about last ni-”

“Shut up,” he grunted, looking backwards to check on his friends before pulling her a few distance away. “Look, I was on drugs last night. That was not me. Let it go, okay?”

(Y/N) has never experienced that kind of disrespect, and she swore she hated Rafe Cameron so bad that when she got home, she cried against her pillows until the night sky greeted her. 

She thought about the many other guys who tried to be with her, but she had pushed them all away for a certain rich boy living 6 houses away from her. The fact that her parents are good friends with Ward and Rose Cameron doesn’t make it any easier, not when she is forced to see him every single Saturday night for ‘barbecue night’.

“What are you thinking?” he suddenly spoke, interrupting her thoughts. She sighed, suddenly scooting away from him. He watched as she turned away, but he didn’t put much thoughts into it.

“I can still smell the weed from you,” she suddenly said, and Rafe let out a laugh. He rubbed his eyes, hating the fact that they are going to repeat the same topic they have fought countless of times before, especially after sex and they had both came down from the high.

“Don’t start, (Y/N), fuck,” he sighed, covering his face with his large hands. He watched as she scooted further, wrapping the covers around her body. “Can you please just lay right next to me?”

“I want to sleep,” she replied, and bit her lips before she could express any tears. Rafe sighed, groaning, and sat up straight, resting on the edge of the bed before reaching for his jeans discarded on the corner of the room.

“I’m leaving,” he said, and (Y/N) heard the metal bar of his belt clanking against his jeans button. “Since you wanna act like a bitch again.”

“You’re an asshole,” she replied, still not looking at him. A tear rolled down her cheeks before she could stop herself, and she quickly wiped them away.

“Whatever,” he said, and she heard the door slammed shut. She cursed, unable to stop her tears now that she was alone. The banter between the husband and wife from the room above filled the silence as (Y/N) sobbed against the pillow and she thought about how it resembled her and Rafe’s relationship so much.

He would call her when he’s under the influence, whispering sweet-nothings through the phone, saying how much he’s missing her and longing for her forehead kisses. The fight they had before the phone call will immediately evaporate into thin air, and (Y/N) will make her way to wherever Rafe is. Sometimes they’ll do it in the car in a secluded alley or sometimes in the cheap motel at Chapel Hill. 

But then it was the moments after their brief meeting that had her all moody and depress throughout the week; how he would ignore her, pretending not to see her and forcing himself to say ‘hi’ during their family barbecue.

(Y/N) never thought of herself as someone who’s prone to being in a sneaky relationship, but if that what it takes to be with Rafe Cameron, she was willing to be in one.

It had been a week since the incidence, and Rafe hadn’t call her to meet or anything of the sort. (Y/N) frowned when she thought of this, because the longest fight they had before only lasted for 2 days before he rang her up, asking to meet up. 

(Y/N) shook her head, sipping on her martini before setting it on the side of the swimming pool. She dived into the water, trying to get the heat from the scorching sun off of her, and resurfaced seconds after, her wet hair falling down her shoulders.

“(Y/N), where’s dad?” Topper appeared, squatting in front of her as she took another sip on the martini. Her eyes fell to the figure behind her brother, and she almost choked on the liquid.

“Um, I don’t know,” (Y/N) replied, staring at Rafe Cameron as he took out his phone to check on his messages, ignoring her like always. She rolled her eyes at this, knowing that there were no new texts and he was just trying to act like she wasn’t there. She dived into the water again and swam to the other side, away from Rafe and his negative energy.

If Rafe knew she was going to be in the swimming pool, he would have made an excuse to Topper, perhaps saying how he has to take Wheezie to the clinic for an appointment. (Y/N) was almost never home every time he hang out with Topper, so he thought he was safe. But there she was; in the most tempting bikini, swimming and constantly sipping on a martini.

Rafe sat right next to Topper, watching her back from the corners of his eyes as she gazed at the view in front of her. She was laying on her arms, lazily humming to a rock song Rafe plays every time he’s driving.

He jolted when Topper touched his hand. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Topper laughed, “I said, do you wanna eat?”

“I’m okay,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and thinking about good she looked in that bikini. He made a mental note to guess the brand to purchase more of that sort for her. 

“Okay, I’m going in to get myself some food. Are you sure you don’t want any food?” Topper asked, sitting on the edge of the seat. Rafe nodded, his eyes still closed, and heard him walking towards the sliding door into the kitchen.

“Why are you ignoring me?” 

Rafe opened his eyes, and to his satisfaction, the girl with the (H/C) locks stared at him with her face rested against her arms. His breath hitched, seeing how beautiful she was with the chlorine water dripping from her face, down to her neck, continuing to her che-

“God, you’re a fucking asshole,” she suddenly said, and Rafe had to shook his head from the involuntary thought that appeared in his mind. He groaned, watching as she dived in the water again, and almost catching a glimpse of her bottom. He smiled.

“Are you still a bitch?” he asked when she resurfaced, crossing his arms. “Because if you are, I don’t feel like fucking you right here and right now.”

(Y/N) halted her movements as she tried her best not to look at the smirking boy, and instead staring into the swimming pool as if there was something interesting in it. Rafe laughed, knowing exactly the impact of his words towards her, and thought about wanting to have a little more fun with her.

“I’m asking, baby,” he said softly, and her eyes landed on his. “Are you still a bitch?”

“I brought cookies!” Topper suddenly yelled, appearing from the sliding door and walking towards them with a bright smile. Rafe cursed, laying his back against the seat again and pretending to close his eyes while (Y/N) dived underwater, trying to hide her red face. He was glad when Topper handed him a cookie, talking about wanting to surf tomorrow - so oblivious towards the sexual tension between him and his own twin.

“What do you think?” Topper asked, munching on the cookies all the while trying to see Rafe’s reaction. Rafe nodded, muttering his agreement, but under his sunglasses, he was watching (Y/N) and she too, was watching him.

“Can I have a cookie, Tops?” (Y/N) suddenly interrupted, and without looking at her, Topper gave her a thumbs up sign. (Y/N) smiled, pulling herself up from the pool and Rafe almost had a heart attack from the sight of her curves donning the bikini and the water dripping off of her.

She walked towards them, hair swept to her left shoulder, and Rafe’s gaze followed her fingers as she grabbed a cookie and immediately putting it in her mouth. He watched as she closed her eyes, enjoying the sweet taste, all the while sitting under the glowing sun that highlighted her features even more.

He could feel himself getting harder.

“Well,” (Y/N) suddenly said, and Rafe had realized he was too busy looking at her to realize that she was already conversing with Topper. “I’ll go. Is Rafe coming too?” 

Both of the siblings’ attention fell towards him, and Rafe found himself clearing his throat before he spoke.

“I’m sorry, where are we?”

“Man, are you sure you’re okay?” Topper asked, removing his sunglasses to look at him clearly. “Do you need water?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Rafe quickly added, “Can I, um, go up to your room? I think I need a nap.”

“Yeah, okay,” Topper replied, not thinking much of it. They had been spending so much time under the sun during the summer, he wouldn’t be surprised if one of them got sick. “I’ll go upstairs in a second.”

He muttered a thanks, quickly making his way to the top of the house, where Topper stayed. He groaned, feeling himself getting harder, and hating the fact that she was most probably liking the way he was reacting. 

He locked the door of the bathroom he has been using since the first day he became friends with Topper, watching himself in the mirror. He closed his eyes while he tried to picture her in his mind, his fingers trying their best to untie the knot of the band of his swimming shorts.

He held himself in the palm of his hands as he pictured her again, this time with her under him. He started sliding his palm over his hardened member, his other hand safely placed on the sink for balance. He thought of the way she’ll bounce on him when she rides him, and bit his lips before he could let out any sounds.

Fuck. 

He hated how easy she’ll make him hard and how she has him wrapped around her finger. It was true how they would only do the unholy thing when he was under the influence or they were both under the influence, but he couldn’t deny the unsettling feeling in his stomach every time he saw her.

“Fuck,” he expressed, his grip on the sink tightening. His movements became faster as he tried to picture her mouth and around him, and felt his end coming. He left a string of curses as he finally released himself, watching the shot dripping off the sides of the sink. He grunted, having to do more work, and grabbed himself the white tissues before wiping his mess.

. . .

“Hey.”

“Hey, Rafe,” (Y/N) said, trying to maintain her normal tone. She bit her lips at the sound of his heavy breathing, missing his voice and also his handsome face. She longed to have his face in her hands again, staring at each other’s eyes and kissing each other’s lips right after.

“Can you come over?” he asked, his voice slurring. “No, I mean, can I pick you up?” The sound of laughter and booming music could be heard behind him, giving out his location. (Y/N) sighed, knowing the exact request behind the words, and looked at her wall to check on the time.

“It’s 12 a.m., my mom won’t allow me to go out.”

“Sneak out, then,” Rafe replied, and he said something to his friends before focusing back on her. “Please? I missed you.”

(Y/N) sighed, knowing exactly her problem.

This.

“Okay,” she replied, leaning over her mattress to close her laptop now that she had new plans for the night. “What time are you picking me up?”

“I can’t drive right now,” he said, suddenly realizing how sloshed he was. “Can you come and pick me up, please?”

She sighed again, but she had missed him so much. Him and his touches. His and his words.

Him.

“Okay, send me your location, okay? I’ll pick you up.”

(Y/N) thought about how she couldn’t do it anymore. Not when she has spent most of her life trying to make him love her. He had been friends with her brother since forever, but yet he never seemed to settle on her. She heard about the amount of girls he dated and how she tried to become like them, but after a while, she grew bored of it. She was tired of running after someone who doesn’t want to be caught.

Until the night at the party, where they had been smoking and doing coke and god knows what else. (Y/N) had watched him from the corners of her eyes, liking how attractive he looked under the party lights. He was in a black shirt, his hair messily parted, a cigarette loosely hanging from his lips.

“Thornton, do you know how perfect your smile is?” he asked, leaning towards her. (Y/N) giggled, her back against the wall as she stared into his eyes. 

“You’re mistaking me for my brother, Rafe?” she asked, with that smile again. Rafe licked his lips, looking down to hers before leaning closer to whisper into her ear.

“I’ve got to confess, (Y/N),” he whispered, sending shivers down to her spine. “You’re the hottest sibling.”

When she woke up the next day, laying right next to Rafe Cameron, she had to pinch herself a few times to make sure that she was living in reality, but when she tried to approach him that evening on the golf course, it was like nothing happened that night.

It scarred her until he rang her up again, six days after. 

“Rafe,” (Y/N) sighed, leaning over to open the passenger’s door from her seat, seeing how drunk he was. Rafe giggled, getting himself in before shutting the door and staring at her. He leaned towards her and placed a sloppy kiss against her cheeks, down to her neck and stopped directly before her chest.

“Just park in the back,” he ordered, placing his palm on the upper side of her thigh, too close to her heat. She bit her lips as she turned her steering wheel, entering the back alley of the club. Soon after he had texted her his location, she sneaked out through her brother’s porch and stole his car, driving straight towards Rafe.

She turned the ignition off and looked at him, watching as he unbuttoned his shirt slowly, groaning when he missed one button. He tried to reach for her, but she pushed his hand away, her face expressing into anger.

“Don’t pull this shit again, fuck,” Rafe sighed, throwing his head back against the seat and covering his face with his hands. (Y/N) caught a glimpse of a gold ring, and noticed how it looked so similar to hers hanging around her neck.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she said, filling the silence. Rafe let out a shrill laugh, still closing his eyes.

“Still a bitch, I guess.”

“This is the problem, Rafe!” she groaned, causing Rafe to look at her fully in the face when he noticed her increasing volume. “What are we?”

“What do you want to hear?” he simply said, staring at her with empty eyes. He licked his lips, “No, seriously. Tell me the answer, and I’ll say it.”

How cold could he be?

“Rafe, do you see how you’re treating me?” she asked, and she could feel her tears threatening to fall. “Do you realize the difference between sober Rafe and intoxicated Rafe?”

Of course he knew. He just chose to ignore it.

“I can’t do this right now,” Rafe said, putting his hands up in defeat. “Can we just fuck, get over whatever fight we’re having right now, and live our best lives the next day? Can we do that?”

He turned to look at her, and noticed her glassy eyes. He sighed, trying to cup her face, but she flinched at his touch.

“You make me feel like a whore,” she whispered, her lips trembling. “One second you love me, the next second you’re spitting on me.”

He just had the worst night of his life; having a fight with Ward about his business, bumping onto the pogues, catching Sarah and John B. . . and now this?

“You think too much,” he said, but his heartbeat was quickening. He stole a glance at her and watched as she stared at him with empty eyes. “I’m sober now. You know what, (Y/N)? You’re right. I can’t even look at you when I’m not under the influence.”

He turned to open the door, getting out while buttoning his shirt back, not wanting to look at her. He couldn’t stand it, he knew he’ll be too broken if he sees her cry over him. He didn’t know what to do; he panicked, never preparing for this exact moment where he knew she will ask about the state of their relationship.

He watched as she sped away from the alley, her engine roaring against the silence of that particular Friday night, where his day had been nothing but miserable. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to contain his feelings, but before he knew it, he had kicked on the empty beer can on the side of the road, watching its movement as it hit the opposite wall and fell into the trash can.

He laughed at the strange occurrence, his tears slowly rolling down his cheeks and made his way back to the club.

If there’s one thing he’s so sure about himself; Rafe Cameron hates himself more than anyone else in the world.

-

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[rataltouille]

LITTLE BY LITTLE

HI IM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS SILLY LITTLE STORY. it is:

a feel good lighthearted story about a bunch of kids in high school 👍

one half enemies to lovers romance, other half queerplatonic coming of age 🤨

dual storyline following two annoying siblings who will die for each other 🤱

set in chennai because i want to draw the city i grew up in and have a crisis over not having seen it enough 🤯

me deciding to compensate for my non existent final years of high school via fiction because who needs therapy tbh 🤔

BLURB

It’s Sameera’s last year of high school, and everything’s going her way: she’s a student council head, the captain of the girl’s Kho-Kho team, and she’s liked by almost everyone in her grade. Almost. Frigid, uptight Kayalvizhi, fellow council head, is the lone exception. Their first interaction was a nightmare, and while Sameera is told that Kayalvizhi’s just indifferent to everyone around her, she still feels personally attacked. So when the two of them are paired up as the cultural leaders for their school’s end-of-year ceremony, she’s more than thrilled to prove Kayal wrong by outshining her in everything. Too bad the latter’s determined to shut Sameera up by competing just as fiercely. What neither of them expects, though, is to find common ground, or to realise that the other person isn't who they thought they were, or, god forbid, actually start to enjoy each other’s company.

Anbu is a reserved kid, Sameera’s younger sibling by two years and the apple of every teacher’s eyes. Still just getting used to adolescence, Anbu is, to say the least, a bit disoriented. They’re exploring their confusing world, trying out new hobbies, grappling with their gender identity and pushing the limits of the life they’ve led so far. But right when they think they’ve got it all figured out, change hits them between the eyes in the name of Tamizh—their cool, mysterious neighbour who’s come back from Mumbai years after moving away. Anbu and Tamizh were childhood best friends, but that's childhood, and they know better than anyone else that adolescence upends everything with a rage. As the two’s rekindled friendship begins to deepen, Anbu is left questioning whether they see him as a friend, a crush, or something else entirely.

At least one thing’s certain for them all: this will be an unforgettable year.

CHARACTERS

SAMEERA. she/her, bi. annoying ass extroverted jock mf. everyones fave gremlin. needs constant love and validation or else she will perish

ANBU. they/them, trans. former sweetheart now saddled with a growing bloodthirst. going through too much all at once and is on the verge of emotional burnout.

KAYALVIZHI. she/her, trans, lesbian. moody ass introverted nerd mf. hates every single person to ever grace this planet and i love her so much actually

TAMIZH. he/him, aro. Resident Cool Kid™ except he feels very uncool and very unchill, ball of nerves just barely keeping it together. is unlearning a lot of toxic beliefs on gender and he’s doing it with style.

SO WHATS THE DEAL HERE

idk what happened in the last two years but i’ve gone from being a prose hoe to a webcomic bitch and it has been working out great for me. comics are such a brilliant format for someone who’s equal parts artist and writer and recently all my important all-consuming story ideas have been webcomic ideas and im so excited to get to make them!!

there are two parts to this story, two parallel arcs, one for each sibling: sameera’s enemies to lovers story with kayal and anbu’s queerplatonic coming of age thing with tamizh. i think the main inspiration behind this was a) bridgerton season two which was the first time i actually ENJOYED an enemies-to-lovers romance and which made me go hmm yanno what. i’m going to do the same but without british people. b) me realising that as much as i love romance and writing romantic relationships i also would like to write a queerplatonic relationship please and thank you [it is endlessly amusing to me that my favourite genre is romance despite me being aromantic lmao] and i esp wanted to try writing a qpr from the pov of the non-aromantic character, just for that extra spice!

in the very short time ive had these four they’ve taken over my brain completely and i love it so much!! im currently working to on getting the basic prep work done [character turnarounds, uniform designs, bg models etc etc] and i’ll post updates on progress whenever i feel like lmao