#im the only one in my house who has been vaccinated and STILL like i only got the second dose a few weeks ago

[fagcrisis]

so medicine and healthcare in star wars

if youve ever had even a passing interest in medicine go on the wookieepedia page for bacta to make yourself incredibly angry

because all sci fi is fantasy but much greyer, and SFF writers would not be where they are in life (rock bottom) if they went to medical school, the way medicine is represented in star wars is the standard for the genre. just sort of a goo that fixes everything.

bacta is described as a slightly warm liquid that is a combination of 2 bacteria, and it has its uses in emergency and non emergency situations, so it can instantly heal a wound or fix your ingrown nail. it can fix broken bones, internal bleeding and hypothermia as well, which begs the question how the fuck does it get inside your body. i would love to see our brave boys get a spinal injection or something but thats too adult for the franchise that only canonised sex like a month ago

for the sake of my sanity im going to assume that the overuse of bacta is due to the fact that the main pieces of the star wars franchise take place during various armed conflicts where there is no time for more sophisticated medicine. bacta is probably very expensive and anakin can only treat it like a disposable toothbrush the way he does with clones because the republic loves throwing money at him to see what he does with it. if you as a regular citizen of fucking like, devaron, go to the hospital because you dislocated your shoulder they will relocate it for you and tell you to take it easy for a couple weeks instead of slapping bacta on it

dealing with illnesses is a similar situation with the major examples being that one really bad series of episodes in the clone wars (save for the really swag teenager they meet on that one planet and the fucking angel who shows up for One scene and then is never mentioned again. guys there are angels in star wars ask me about the angels) and the rakhghoul disease in kotor, both of which can be solved by a vaccine and/or the power of anakin skywalker being really horny. while i assume medicine is a lot more advanced i think they still havent found a cure for the common cold, just cause i think thats really funny. on a serious note i think probably the major problem they deal with are not bacteria and viruses but spores instead. fungi keep growing in people's lungs and they cant figure out why, ships need to be throughroughly infected before and after going to any planet outside of the expansion rim because those planets still have spores that can be deadly to certain species along with completely unidentified species of fungi and sarlacc spores (can we talk about the sarlacc again i would love to talk about the sarlacc again)

as for structural healthcare, the only hospital we see i think like, ever, is in the first season of the clone wars and its a hospital for the army so it doesn't really give much insight into the workings of healthcare in the new republic

i think on coruscant, while public healthcare exists its wildly horrible with wait times being months or even years in some cases and clinics and hospitals gradually lessening on the lower levels. private companies are preying on the people who are desperate enough to turn to them, and the emergency responders have long been combined with the branch of the sanitation department responsible for transporting corpses because oftentimes thats what they arrive for. i also think they fill the role of doctors and whatnot in many districts, because getting an appointment is nigh impossible but the ambulance is going to arrive at some point, so theyre the most well funded branch of public healthcare on the planet but its still not nearly enough to meet the impossibly high demand. a speeding ambulance shuffle on the airways is probably as common a sight as anakin skywalker jumping out of a window

there probably exist a couple of mega hospitals in each district, the size of several housing blocks, housing everything from emergency care to permanent homes for chronically ill people and so on, also probably placed close to the necropolis districts ive talked about. there are also clinics throughout the city specializing in specific species (bad sentence im not rewording it) the older ones of which have attracted enough permanent residents of that species living near them that thats just their area now. specialized athmosphere established in a districts of the 45th level? the first clinic to ever treat Kel Dor was established there 300 years ago and so many of them moved there since that oxygen is basically redundant.

[misterewrites]

What Next Oh Fair Yorrick? (Mirror’s Edge)

Holy shhhhh 3 months? I was gone three months from this story? I am bad at this (actually we were fixing up the house in that time and boi has it been an inconvenience.) But I'm here and so is the next chapter yay! I promise all my writing in general will be more tightly packed and consistent. Unless it's not then you know life got me.

Okay. It's....alot just *gestures to the world* one thing after another and. Just lose yourself here. Disconnect from the world, have fun, read this and other stories. Don't feel guilty if you need to get away from it all. It's okay to just exist and enjoy things. Be safe, keep each other safe, wear masks. I know they're annoying but we're not done yet, the pandemic is still a thing and there's plenty of people who cannot get the vaccine. We need to protect them and each other. Get the vaccine, push for it worldwide cuz we're all in this together. And have fun. Have fun and relax and just let the world be without you for a hot minute.

Also if you are binge reading this, i doubt it but who knows im very modest, here's your break. go stretch, get some water, eat, rest your eyes before you keep going.

Okay that's it for me! have an amazing week, thank you for everyone who reads this story, who gives me likes, and reblogs and views. I know original work is very specific and hit or miss but seriously thank you for reading this. I deeply appreciate it. :) Share with your friends maybe they'll like it! and if you wanna leave me a comment with your favorite bits or how much you like this story I'm always grateful for them. take care and it'll be okay.

If you want to read this story in a more reader friendly place, you can follow the link over here --->

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30599756/chapters/106456251

If you’re curious what the heck all this is about, you can read the story from the beginning over here! ---> https://archiveofourown.org/works/30599756/chapters/75486005

And if you want the list of my complete works which include, but are not limited to, Arcane, Legend of Zelda, Soul Eater, A Percy Jackson you can find that right here ----> https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrE42/pseuds/MrE42

That’s it for me! and the end of the public tour. For those of you leaving us, thank you for your time. Everyone else? Past the do not enter sign below

Summary: Tomorrow has become today and Casey is ready to help the Gravekeeper of Souls stop whatever is threatening the peace of existence but first he needs to know what exactly is the next step in their plan. Surely Yorrick is on it. 

----

Grandma Cassie bought the Remington household when she moved to Newton Haven roughly 30 some years ago and while neither her or her beloved spouse were around anymore, they left a loving home with precious memories Casey wouldn’t trade for the world.

That being said, however, Casey hadn’t stepped foot in his house for a while. He was embarrassed to finda fine layer of dust that blanketed everything and that hung in the air like snowfall. Yorrick mentioned she didn’t mind it so much because she slept in less accommodating places but the young cleric still felt the pang of guilt at the sight of his neglected home.

His parents decided to vacation after his mother retired from Willow’s Rook Neighborhood Watch and they spent the last two years abroad. His sister Kay had left a few years before that when she got married and though she still lived in the neighborhood, her visits were far and few in between. Truth was Casey ended up at her place more often than she did his. Simply put Casey was never home which was a bit ironic for a cleric of the hearth.

Two years.

Casey rubbed at his engagement ring absentmindedly as he entered the home under the glow of the rising sun.

The state of the house was actually worse than last night since he could actually see the dust this time.

“Am I working too much?” Casey rubbed his chin quizzically “No it’s the house that needs to clean itself. Yorrick? Good morning! Are you up?”

Only the creaking of the home settling answered him.

Casey frowned, sliding his bat into his hand while he quietly made his way towards the second floor landing. He left her in his old room upstairs but in reality she had run of the place since he slept in his office as usual.

The stairs groaned under his weight but the silence remained, thick and unbroken.

Casey gripped his weapon tightly when he reached the top. He paused, listening in case something was laying in wait.

Out of everything he was expecting to hear, the trill of a flute wasn’t one of them.

It chirped and squeaked but less like it was playing a song and more as if it was speaking.

Now that he was this close to his room he heard the muffled voice of Yorrick speaking to someone though only the flute responded.

“Are you still mad about that? I couldn’t take you yesterday.”

The flute trilled unhappily.

“I don’t care if you could take them on.” Yorrick snickered gently “You are a thousand years old!You need to act your age.”

A sharp note answered her.

Casey could hear Yorrick rising to her feet “Okay but after we’re done saving the world. Again. Did you notice it?”

A curious note played.

“Yeah. I don’t like it.”

The flute did not respond this time.Instead Yorrick’s footsteps grew louder until she opened the door and saw him standing there.

Casey caught sight of an odd shape ducking out of view as Yorrick hurriedly closed the door behind her.

“Hi!” she beamed brightly, giving a cheery wave with her free hand. The other held tight onto the walking staff, rusty lantern swinging lazily back and forth.

Casey gave a polite smile “Good morning. I yelled from the front door but I don’t think you heard me.”

“You did?” Yorrick frowned quizzically, trying to recall “Oh I didn’t hear you! Well, obviously.”

She chuckled joyfully and Casey nodded in agreement “I understand. You were probably still asleep huh?”

“No I was talking to a spirit.”

Yorrick’s tone was casual but her gaze was intense and focused. It was a bit unnerving but luckily this wasn’t the first time she’d done something like that.

He decided to be honest “I know, I heard.”

“Not worried I’m possessed or something like that?”

“Nope.” Casey replied “You’re the Gravekeeper of Souls. The name kinda tells me what to expect.”

Yorrick’s lips broke into a wide grin “Thank the lantern! You have no idea how much spirits spook people. I get people don’t like dealing with death and denial is a powerful tool but come on! If a spirit wanted to hurt you it would’ve done it by now. Oh! That reminds me! Kal! You can come on out now!”

Kal the spirit looked more like a floating pillowcase than the ghost of a person long past: Kal’s upper half was oval shaped with a wavy bottom. He couldn’t have been taller than two feet and he floated through the air effortlessly. Kal passed through the door like it wasn’t there and began circling Casey, clearly curious at his presence.

Kal made a questioning noise.

“Yep!” Yorrick answered eagerly “He’s the one Cassie was telling us about. You remember the nice lady? Casey here is going to help us take down whatever is disrupting the spiritual balance!”

She clapped excitedly though Kal’s only response was to bob up and down.

“Well I am more than happy to….” Casey paused, unsure he heard what he thought he did “Wait. Did you say Cassie?”

Yorrick nodded.

“Cassie? As in Cassiopeia?”

Another nod.

Casey gulped anxiously “As in Cassiopeia Remington?”

Yorrick pointed his way in confirmation “That’s her! She was telling me all about you last night! Like the time you tried to ride the dog like a horse and ended up getting that scar on your knee.”

The Gravekeeper’s face turned deathly serious for a moment “Why haven’t you cleaned the house Casey?”

“E-excuse me?” he could feel chills run down his spine.

“The house.” Yorrick repeated, her voice empty and distant “She wanted to know why her house is so dusty. She did not raise your mother to raise you to keep a dirty house.”

“I…”

Yorrick waved her hand in a panic “Those were her words, not mine! I was just repeating what she said!”

Casey paled as realization dawned on him. He’d always assumed his grandma passed on peacefully but if she was still here, still held here by some regret or sorrow or something he should’ve tried to get her to move on years ago….

“She’s not here.”

Casey snapped out of his stupor to find Yorrick staring intently at him.

“What?”

“She’s not here.” Yorrick repeated firmly with a soft, sympathetic tone “She did pass on.”

“How do you…?”

She grimly motioned to the lantern “Spirits are more complicated than that. Most people always assume souls are trapped in this reality because X, Y or Z but the truth is it’s a choice. It’s always a choice and just because people move on doesn’t mean they can’t come back for awhile. No different than traveling to another city for them.”

Casey’s face must’ve been dumbfounded because Yorrick gave a hearty laugh “Yeah there’s a lot to spirits but you’ll get the hang of it. Or you won’t! That’s okay too.”

“Yorrick….” guilt tugged at his heartstrings

“Okay.” Yorrick bit her lip thoughtfully “What is the best way to….Oh! Here touch this!”

Before he could react, she gripped his wrist and roughly placed his hand upon a nearby wall.

“Sorry.” Yorrick flinched and gave an apologetic smile “But here! Do you feel this?”

“Yes.” Casey nodded, unsure what he was supposed to feeling.

“And the air? How it fills your lungs? The dust tickling your nose?”

Casey winced guiltily “Oh lord, don’t remind me but yeah I do.”

Yorrick pulled away hurriedly, clearly caught up in her explanation “We use our senses to perceive the world around us. Sight, touch, sound, smell, taste if you’re weird. This is how we navigate life right?”

Casey gave a quick nod.

“Now how could you go through life if you didn’t have any of that?”

Casey’s face narrowed, scrunching as he tried to wrap his head around the question. He thought about it. He thought about for a good minute or so but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t figure a way to explain how could he live his life without relying on his senses.

“I...don’t know….” Casey truthfully spoke after a long pause.

“Exactly!” Yorrick cheerfully gestured to Kal “Spirits don’t have senses. They don’t even have bodily functions anymore! They exist in a reality we mortal beings just can’t understand.”

“Okay but what does this have to do with my grandma Cassie?”

“EVERYTHING!” Yorrick cheered.

Silence fell over the two.

Casey looked at Kal then to Yorrick then back to Kal again.

Yorrick blinked “Oh right. The actual point I’m trying to make.”

“Yes please.”

“Okay.” Yorrick scratched her chin absentmindedly “This feels good. Right. So spirits see the world differently than us. While we deal buildings and air and sky and cars and all that real stuff, they….don’t.”

“Right.” Casey agreed.

“For spirits it’s like being trapped in a fog. A fog that has loads of different shapes and colors but fog nevertheless. Since they don’t have bodies to react to the physical world they can get easily lost which is why they usually tethered themselves to something. Places, items, people.”

“A home perhaps?” Casey whispered as guilt ate at his stomach.

“No!” Casey jumped as Yorrick stomped her foot suddenly “None of that! Spirits are either tethered or, the other thing I was about to mentioned, untehtered. Oooo terminology!”

Casey made an uneasy face “So...grandma Casie is….”

“Unethered!” Yorrick bounced happily “When she died she moved from her mortal coil to the afterlife, which of course is the chosen state of existence a spirit has earned based their actions on Earth. She went peacefully so no beating yourself up.”

“Wait hang on. Then how did you talk to her? The lantern?” Casey was admittedly lost at all this.

Yorrick pursed her lips “Well. A little of A and a little of B. Yes the lantern allows me to speak to spirits, even those who have long since passed, but any powerful spirit medium, spiritualist or relic could do that. I still need to know her if I wanted to bring her back for a visit.”

“Things aren’t powerful because they are. Things are powerful because we make them so.” Yorrick touched the wall and ran her finger down it gingerly “This home, her home, her family’s home. It is so filled with love it’s a beacon to her. A lighthouse in the sea of fog that is the living world. Memory is too powerful a force to be bound by a single person. It takes people to make memories. Even when the people who made them aren’t around to share them anymore. Especially when they’re gone.”

She carefully wiped the dust off a nearby picture frame. Casey could fell his heart ache at the sight of him and Jaime, smiles frozen in time.

“Love.” Yorrick murmured quietly before she spoke louder with clarification “Well also hate. Intense emotions really. Unetethered find their way back through the fog via places or people that meant something to them. Good or bad. Us spirit folks are just connecting them from their world to ours for a little while. A telephone line basically. Because no one is really gone.”

Yorrick stared at the large, aged photo that hung in the center of the hall: A young couple, hands clasped tightly with one another as they shared a smile together. They stared, not at the camera, but deeply into each other’s eyes, love evident in every fiber of their being.

His grandparents on the day of their wedding.

She let out an adoring sigh “Not if we remember them.”

There was a peaceful moment that was quickly broken by a sudden clap from the Gravekeeper.

“And of course.” Yorrick went on without warning “Tethered spirits tie themselves down. Most of the time it’s something or someone important but it’s not unheard of for them to latch on whatever happens to be nearby. Hence the tethered part of the term. They use these tethers as ways to hold themselves in place so they don’t get swept up by the massive confusion of the physical world. Think anchors: Nice, consistent, unmovable against the tide but always have the chance to relocate.”

Casey scratched his chin curiously “oh that does feel good. So those tethered spirits, are they trapped here?”

Yorrick shook her head happily “Nope! They can choose to leave any time they wish. There’s loads of reasons spirits would stay beyond love and revenge. Some just aren’t ready to move on yet, others kind of forget to. Some, of course, are avoiding their punishment for the life they led cause they don’t get an option to come back. Heck I meet one who was just curious about how much a place could change in a hundred years.”

“So what do you do exactly as Gravekeeper?”

“Keep graves.” She answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Casey stared at her.

“Right broad blanket term and not at all helpful. Well my job is to check on the spirits.” “Time is irrelevant for the dead. What is one day, a decade, hundreds of years to them? All feels the same when you lack a body to worry about. Some souls are stuck in place because they have no idea how long it’s been. They usually start haunting people or places because of sudden changes most of the time.”

Casey nodded in understanding “That makes sense. If I had no sense of time and my surroundings suddenly changed completely, I’d be pretty disoriented and upset too.”

“Exactly.” Yorrick smiled for a second before it faded into a grim expression “Of course I also protect the souls. Souls are valuable to a lot of creatures and in all kinds of dark magic. Corruption, consumption, even using spirits as fuel for dark purposes is a very real thing in my line of work.”

Casey remembered Finn’s encounter in Litwick forest along the countless other dangerous situations the trio often found themselves in. His best friend’s general advice was to grant funeral rites to the departed and burn their corpses. He always said it was to protect both body and spirit and while Casey was more than happy to do it but it just occurred to him how important it really was.

Her blew a strand of her hair out of her face as she continued “So I check up on cemeteries and other meaningful locations. Help spirits pass on, force them to move on if they’re causing trouble.” she began to count off the rest of her duties on her hand “Cleansing tainted or corrupted places, pass messages along to the living, fight the odd demon or fae on occasion. Find a way to achieve harmony between the dead and living in the cases where there’s conflict between the two. Holy shit do I do a lot, I just realized that.”

“You’re clearly very capable at it.” Casey said with a hint of admiration.

Yorrick rose to full height, towering over the cleric while she shone with pride “I don’t want to brag and I won’t cuz I don’t have to.”

“Of course.” Casey took a deep breath in “Okay, what are we doing?”

She stared at him for a moment before realizing what he was asking “Oh! us. Umm. What are we doing?”

“The reason you’re here.” Casey offered helpfully.

“Oh right! The spirit-pocalypse I’m here to stop.” Yorrick chuckled “Sorry I’m not used to the living. Most people just stare at me with glazed over eyes. It’s a lot I know but thanks for following along!”

A peaceful silence overtook the two but Casey decided to wait patiently this time.

Yorrick smacked her head “Right right. I recommend we eat first, preferably on the way to the nearest cemetery.”

Casey nodded “Straight from the source right?”

Yorrick smiled wide.

“Well.” he scratched his chin thoughtfully “The nearest one is Hope’s Meadow in the middle of town. There’s a really good sandwich shop nearby we can get breakfast at.”

“There isn’t a cute girl there, right?”

Casey shot her a curious look. Her face was flushed with embarrassment.

“I went to a cafe for a drink yesterday.” Yorrick muttered shyly as she twiddled her fingers together “There was a really pretty girl named My-something. I didn’t pay attention, I got really nervous. I don’t think I can handle another cute girl today.”

Casey softened. He patted her arm gently “How about you let me do the ordering, okay?”

Yorrick nodded happily “Deal! Let me get my tombstone and we’ll be on our way!”

And as she disappeared beyond the door frame with an energetic hop, Casey couldn’t help but mutter to himself.

“Okay so she did say it her tombstone. I wasn’t just super tired and hearing things last night.”

[exactoknife]

why are you at a hookah bar in los angeles its still fucking covid you dumbass you were on PLANE less than twelve hours ago whats wrong with YOUWUUWUWUWUWUDUDNCNCNCMCMCNCJC

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[desichameleon]

im sorry for not posting a fic today i will post one soon but i need to say this

Tw racism, racist name calling, a lot of other racist themes

I have seen so many people in the past few months normalise racism towards South Asians, specifically Indians. I have seen so many people mock South asian accents and it has been done to me several times, I have had my dad been called a pedo to.my.face. I have been called a pedo and a curry muncher and my sister ( who is 9! )has been called a brownie and be called mia kalifa on the streets because of her tanned skin and glasses. I have been asked many times if I eat curry and yk what's ironic ? MY FAMILY DOESNT EVEN EAT CURRY ON A DAILY BASIS ! many people who aren't from South Asia have came into my house and said it smelled like curry which I do not belive because we 1. Never cook it and 2. Have candles lit 24/7. In school I have been avoided and called terrorist a few times and guess who called me those things ? Dingdingding ! The popular people who fake tan so much they are my skin tone. They try and look South asian then bully them, I have seen so many girls with skin so dark and dued jet black hair and I have mistaken so many for desi people. They want our eyebrows and this hair, they want our skin and eyes but they bully us for it. I have been bullied so much for body hair and I can't help it. It's just something South Asians have we have dark hair on our head and body and can't do anything about it. And you know another thing ? My 'friend' who is black is openly racist to me l, I genuinely used to love her but she just keeps being racist to me and I am in no way stereotyping her or trying to be racist it's not all black people ! She is the only one who I have seen using her race as an excuse to be racist to me. She will call me names and make fun of my culture and when I confront her she says "I can't be racist I am black" and I honestly disagree. You can be racist to anyone nomatter your race. My teacher will get me and my other desi friends mixed up even though we are all completely different and have different accents and one of us even has glasses but they still mix us up ! One of my teachers even said to my parents that they know I am not from Scotland even thought I have a Scottish accent ???!! And when I got my second vaccine the person doing it was saying how we should go back to our country after we were all vaccinated. And and my teachers refuse to talk about the genocide committed by the British to the Indians where they stole billion from India and sexualised our saris and dances. And I have seen so many people say brown people look bad w nose piercings, like wtf ?? South Asians basically invented them. It's part of most of our traditions. And mocking our bollywood dances and songs isn't funny, it's not like Justin beiber is better.

so in conclusion i think we should recognise racism towards South asians and actually go against it and not normalise it.

[resident-leevil-old]

okay well anyways somebody asked me if i felt like talking about my raccoon city survivors au with mia and ethan again and the answer is YES.

> AU MINI FACTS <

- Ethan's mother died while giving birth.

- Ethan Winters and his father moved into Raccoon City when Ethan was a baby, around 3-4 years old.

- Ethan trans ftm because im trans and i said so.

- Mia trans mtf because im trans and i said so.

- Ethan & Mia are childhood friend to lovers in this au.

- Ethan's father worked for Umbrella, and Mia's father worked for the Connections while her mother also worked for Umbrella.

- Mia was born in Texas, but her family moved to Raccoon City after she was born. They still owned property in Texas, though.

- Mia & Carlos are related because I said so.

- so yknow the "dude its been three years" guy? that's their childhood friend and his name is Kyde because i said so.

- Albert Wesker Personally was ordered by Spencer to kill those scientists btw.

- a lot of this au is because i said so tbh

> AU SUMMARY <

Ethan Winters, Mia Oliviera, and Kyde Wells work together to survive six days of the Raccoon City Outbreak. In the process they uncover secrets and encounter many obstacles that just nearly cost them their lives.

> CHAR.BGROUND <

ETHAN W, SR - A scientist who worked for Umbrella. He lost his wife during the birth of his child E///// Winters. Struggling with the death of his wife and the harsh decline of his mental health, he began to experiment with viruses and vaccines in an attempt to bring his wife back, even using his child as a subject at certain points due to the child having strong genes from the mother. He acknowledged that he was a horrid father, but justified his actions by claiming he would bring back a better mother. He thought of Albert Wesker as a friend, and told him the truth of his research.

ETHAN W, JR - A quiet 14 year old that had a hard time making friends. Due to experiments from his father, Ethan is a culmination of infections and viruses that each impact him in different ways. As he grew up Ethan refrained from talking too much as to not interrupt his father's work, causing him to become selectively mute.

MIA OLIVIERA - Younger sister of Carlos Oliviera. Mia skipped a grade due to her intelligence and advanced knowledge on many things kids her age normally didn't. She very easily got sick as a child, though she seemed to outgrow it as she got older. She was schooled both at home and at school before the outbreak. She shared classes with Ethan Winters (Jr) and Kyde Wells.

KYDE WELLS - A friend of Ethan & Mia, known for his cowardice. Kyde has a heavy sense of self preservation, but a weighted sense of compassion as well. He only ever has risked himself for his two friends.

JAMES HARISON - Mia's father. He worked for the Connections as a scientist and a researcher. Harison and his wife often exchanged information they learned from their jobs, aiming to and succeeding at "fixing" their daughter's proneness to viral sicknesses.

MARISA OLIVIERA - Mia's mother. He worked for Umbrella as a researcher. Oliviera and her husband often exchanged information they learned from their jobs, aiming to and succeeding at "fixing" their daughter's proneness to viral sicknesses.

JAKE VERANO - An Umbrella worker who had been trapped in the underground facility for a week, listening to the sound of his coworkers being eaten alive. Unstable because of his experience, he tries to create a cure using the intel of Ethan W (SR).

> FULL AU <

[September, 25, 1998.]

Ethan Winters walked home from school when his father failed to pick him up. He walked through the streets, paying no mind to a big fight breaking out near him. On the way home, he meets up with his friend Kyde who had also been walking home. They talk and walk together for a bit, before splitting up.

When Ethan arrived home, he noticed the front door of his house had been opened slightly. Confused, but wary, he entered the house, knowing it was uncharacteristic for his father to forget the door was open.

He entered the living room, and found his father laying on the ground dead, shot twice in the head, having just been killed moments prior. Ethan moved over to his father, before Albert Wesker walked out of his father's office.

Ethan barely has much time to react to him, overwhelmed by his own panic and the death of the only adult in his life. Wesker - wanting no witnesses - shoots him three times in the chest, and leaves under the impression the child is dead for good.

Ethan Winters dies for the first time that evening.

[September, 27, 1998]

For the past two days, Mia and her parents have been barricaded in their home, unable to leave safely. Mia sat in her room for most of the time, unable to look out of the windows due to boards covering them. During those two days Mia tries to call Ethan and Kyde several times in hopes that they were safe. Neither of them answer.

Until this day, the 27th, at 2:00 am, when she calls Ethan. And he answers.

{TRANSCRIPT OF THEIR CALL:}

Ethan: h-hello?

Mia: [Ethan]! You're alive! Are you okay?

Ethan: I'm breathing. [Pause] I'm breathing. You okay?

Mia: I'm boarded up in my house, we can't leave safely. Everything is a mess. I'm so glad you're alive, [Ethan]. Are you safe? I'm guessing you're safe.

Ethan: Not sure. Not sure. Find you soon, here alone. Alone.

Mia: Alone? What happened? Where's your dad?

Ethan: [Pause.] [Loud sound in the distance.]

Mia: [Ethan]? Are you okay?

Ethan: [Dial tone.]

Mia speaks with her parents about the call, expressing worry about her friend. She spends a while trying to convince her parents that Ethan may be alive (purposefully omitting the dial tone) and need their help. Finally, they agree, and at 12 pm, they head out with all the resources they could gather.

Managing to stay out of sight, the family make it to the Winters' household. They find Ethan hiding in his bedroom, one infected laying in the hallway with a pole through its head and Ethan's father laying in the living room dead.

They rescue Ethan, and flee from the house. Mia's parents explain that they need to evacuate the city, but that they wouldn't be able to drive, so they'd have to move on foot. They returned to their house and rested for the night.

[September, 28, 1998]

The family and Ethan head out again, this time aiming to evacuate the city. After several close encounters with large groups of infected, the kids and Mia's parents are unfortunately separated. Given instructions by her parents, Mia leads Ethan through the city, having to take detours due to infected blocking pathways.

Eventually, during the night, they run into Kyde, who has lost his parents trying to escape the city. The three of them take refuge in an empty abandoned house, and rest for the walk in the morning.

Ethan sits up for a while, thinking about what happened to him, and trying to figure out how to explain it to his friends. Eventually he falls asleep, unable to figure it out. In the morning they head out again.

[September, 29-30, 1998]

During another detour taken due to large groups of infected, Ethan is kidnapped by a man in a white lab coat.

Mia & Kyde go after them, refusing to leave Ethan behind. They manage to find him after roughly half a day had passed.

Ethan had been in a hysterical state and through tears he explains to Mia and Kyde what had happened to him in his house a few days ago, confessing that he had died and revived two days later. He warns the two of them that whatever Jake, the white lab coat man, did to him, it made him dangerous and unstable.

Mia and Kyde refused again to leave him behind, and spend hours gathering information from files and research left scattered around. They manage to make Something that was able to calm him down and cleanse what they had learned had been called the "T-virus" from his body.

As soon as Ethan had woken up again, they fleed the facility, Mia & Kyde both making sure he didn't collapse on the way.

[October, 1, 1998]

They don't stop running when they're out. A broadcast goes out saying that the city will be blown up in four hours due to being unable to contain the outbreak. The three of them realize they won't be able to get out if they take anymore detours unless they find a vehicle with gas in it and a clear road to drive on.

Three hours later, out of options, nearly to the city boarder, and faced with another group of infected blocking the only straight shot out, they decide to risk a run through. However, just as they were pushing through, a helicopter flew overhead and spotted them. Calling to them, the pilot tells them to attempt making it up a building nearby if they could.

Through pure bullshittery and luck, they manage to make it up, and they board the helicopter. Just as it begins to take flight, the city starts to blow up bit by bit. In the distance, they see other helicopters flying.

> AFTER THE AU <

Mia and her parents reunite, her parents having managed to get out before the children did. Kyde goes to live with his relatives in Texas, and Ethan is offered to live with them as well.

Mia's parents move back to their texas home, and everyone who had been in the city were given therapy. Eventually the three grow up and graduate from highschool, and move on to other things, never once separating.

The three of them eventually move into a single house together in California, and some time after that Mia and Ethan get married. And for a while they live happily

And then, Mia witnesses Ethan having some sort of attack in the middle of the night one time, and realizes that he hadn't been completely cured of whatever had been infecting him in the city at all, and that it had only gone dormant for some years. While he wasn't vicious or attacking anyone, Ethan had just been really plagued and didn't even remember the fits that only seemed to happen every other night.

Out of worry and fear, Mia begins to work for the Connections, hoping there was something she could learn from them in order to help her husband finally be cured. And years after, RE7 began.

And THAT, my friends, is my Raccoon City Survivors au with the Winters, also known as Raccoon City Winters.

[whatgaviiformes]

The Personal Trash

Okay, I needed the catharsis of writing this out, but I am throwing it under a read more because I honestly don’t expect anyone to read this. Family shit below

I feel like before I start I have to say first I love my husband very much and am continually excited by the life we are and have been building together, and the only goddamn constant in these circumstances is that he is my best friend always. 

The second part of this before I jump in is that his mother, my mother-in-law lives with us, and there are parts of this story I can’t tell because it’s her story and I am not that kind of person.  One of the things I love about him is his loyalty to family. I am the same way. Living with elders does not make me bat an eyelid - they’ve taken care of us, it feels comforting that we can take care of them.

But I need to share the context of our home - it’s a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom townhouse with the three of us, three dogs, with almost every space shared. One kitchen, one living room. It’s a small place. My husband purchased the house in September 2014, and it was around when we started dating. One of our first outings was his housewarming. It was, and still is, a starter home. 

So since he’s had the home, I’ve been around - starting with a weekends, back and forth, and finally a moved in in 2017, married in 2019, and now we are here. Four years later. 

We’ve talked upsizing, getting an in law place if we can. But the housing market is a sellers market at the moment, and things have been good. For four years. 

For four years, the family unit has been the three of us. We’ve all contributed in different ways, and in that time, MIL has retired, husband has switched jobs a few times, and mine has been constant. And I *adore* my job. But it keeps me incredibly busy, overwhelmed often. Work-life balance is a bit of a joke for sure. Like anywhere there are days that I’ve gotten off work and cried. Or, checked out mentally that I couldn’t engage in other things. It’s can be intense, but its rewarding. And there was a period through the past few years where I was the source of income keeping our heads above water. And we were - we were fine.  But it put a lot of stress on me.

In the meantime there have been some health issues - which I will gloss over. Not my story. But MIL has had few different things, on top of us worrying about COVID. We’ve taken her to some different appointments and such.  

We had one such scare two weekends ago, and it kind was a catalyst to a bunch of other stuff that I’ve been dealing with behind the scenes lately. So on Sunday, husband and I went to the grocery store (she was supposed to go on a trip for four days or so) so we were going to use the opportunity to cook a few things together, and we needed to replenish. We were about to grab lunch, and called to see if she wanted anything, and she told him then she wanted to be taken to the hospital. She told us a few days earlier she was having some problems, but only mentioned to my husband that she was worried this might happen. But to me this forewarning was not mentioned, and I was only told because he advised her that she needed to be upfront of what was going on. (For the record, she still was vague). 

This ^ will be a theme.

So we skipped lunch, came back home, I unloaded the food and started putting stuff away because he and I agreed that’s what we do and I told him to keep me updated, and she left without saying anything to me or vice versa.  Husband comes home because COVID means you can’t stay with anyone. Also no beds, so it took awhile (F*CKING GET VACCINATED PEOPLE SO PEOPLE WHO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT AREN’T LAID UP FOR YOUR STUPIDITY  -alsoyesiknowthereareotherreasonspeopleareinthehospitalforcovidjustgivemethisimfrustrated)

11:30 PM that night we picked her back up. It was late, I was tired.  A few days later she tells us that she had a lot of time to think while at the hospital, and tells us she is going to move out. 

First - you know what we did while she was in the hospital? We freaking worried.  Okay - so all of that is facts, details, and I’ve gotten you caught up to the this-happened-then-this-happened. The rest of this is feelings so buckle the fuck up

Husband  - immediately lashes out because he doesn’t like the reasons (still doesn’t) and I find out that there was a conversation the day before between the two of them I wasn’t a part of  - and he felt because she was not being honest with me, he was forced to have to lie to me, his wife, and didn’t like that feeling. 

Me -  feeling confused, a little like this is out of left field, and only not completely surprised because this has happened before with husband telling me, and then it never happening, we misunderstanding. and more times than not it never made it from her mouth to my ears. Also it was never for *this* reason. See how this escalates more  below.

Husband- “I had to learn to live with strangers, and you just can’t stand not being in control” Me -  so wait I am a stranger now?

Husband - do you even like my wife...

and so on. So apparently everything I thought I knew about our home changed in the course of this conversation. What I was able to get out of the cacophony of chaos is that I am insensitive because I don’t interact with her the way she expects me to? And she feels like she’s intruding all the time, despite us assuring her she’s not, inviting her to game nights, and in general sharing in the things that you do as a family like vacations and dinners.  And the more we argued, the more little things came out and little clues.  She’s mentioned leaving before, almost on a 6 month cycle, and the last time was this one -  

So like... when we got Della, and three days in she was like “If they don’t get along I’m going to take Dino and my own place” and so   like... hold up, you can’t just throw away a comment like that. They’ve barely gotten a chance to know each other. (they are fine by the way. Della is a puppy and gets in his face a bit, but she’s still learning. They play, sleep together fine, and we are constantly taking care of the fur kids).

And from what I get from the comments to leave  - because shit there’s still so many pieces to this I feel like I am missing -she will rationalize other reasons like the dog example above.

So when this happens it sends my husband in a spiral, he tells me because she won’t say anything, and the one time we did try to have a conversation about it, she shut down and made it sounds like he misunderstood and made him out to be the asshole. Then in the same breath tell him its not his job to fix everything as a stab at me, but like continue to talk only to him when it involves everyone.

I don’t know if that makes sense. A lot happens without me involved.

So then  - those clues - the hints that all of this is really about me: 

health - i stopped asking because she stopped telling me things, so how am I supposed to know what she can and can’t do. but im at fault for like... not asking.  but she’s not telling.

home - apparently my understanding and my husbands understanding about the stuff she does around the house  - some cleaning, groceries (we pay for) and loading dishwasher, cooking sometimes,. We thought she liked doing them to help around the house, and she’s never told us differently. EDIT- no, she’s told us she likes to help. Cue - you can stop right there, I am an adult and I never asked you to clean up after me.  

I feel like whatever feelings she has for me started a long time ago, and  she continued to let them harbor instead of talking to me about it, until it got to the point where it couldn’t really be solved.

I mean, I am not lacking the self-awareness to recognize that, yeah, I can be messy, and yeah, I can be single minded. There are days where my husband is talking me and I just space answering him because I can’t or or I just mentally lose it in processing.

I am seeing this mirror reflected back at me of like - I have all these expectations for you, and you are a problem and, but like.... it kind of goes both ways? And I feel like you’ve made these circumstances yourself? And if  you want to leave that’s fine, but its not from our doing? 

And so in the end *I* feel like I am the one under scrutiny for everything I do or say and how I interact in my home. And it feels like selfishness, and self-victimizing behavior that I’ve seen time and time again, and I don’t really see a way out. 

So husband just wants to keep the family together, he’s taking this to heart - its his mom, and there are feelings there about how they’ve provided for each other. He would feel differently if they got the house and she moved in with him under the notion that she was going to save, get her own place. But it wasn’t, and so he has this weight on his shoulders for it, for failing in some way.

And I  - well. I didn’t really realize the family unit we had wasn’t working... at least to that extent and that it stemmed from me and I’m really hurt by it. Aside from the stuff above, I am really easy going - I try to give everyone space, and make everyone happy. I shut down if I am processing something. I’ve never intentionally tried to make her feel unwelcome. I’ve invited her to my family vacations, we’ve all equally enjoyed dinner’s out. 

And though I’d be willing to try to do better, i am absolutely livid that this conversation waited until it was at its worst. So now I don’t really want to try to do better because I am mad and hurt, and don’t feel like my sacrifices or contributions are being acknowledged, nor do I think she will do the same thing to be self-reflective and recognize her own part of all this. And above all things, I truly hate to be misunderstood. And I will completely shut down under that kind of self-victimizing behavior and thoughtlessness to other people. I don’t want to lose myself over this, in my own home.

So neither path is really an easy or right solution. She moves out, husband loses a bit of respect in her and the relationship they have.. She stays, recognizing your own part in lack of communication is a long term thing, and I have to feel this awkward limbo for that whole process.. if it  even gets there.

I feel like I am walking on eggshells constantly. 

I should never have to question if a “Hello” will be taken the right way and that’s how i fucking feel. 

[bakubitch-minusultra]

Not Alone: Chapter Eleven

-> an apocalyptic series with bnha characters but without quirks because im the writer and i can do whatever the fuck i want :P new character unlocked

-> Word Count: 2.1k

-> Warnings: none(?)

-> Taglist: @5sosfckss @laudthingcat @zphilophobiaz

The sun set as they reached the top of a hill she never climbed. It was in the opposite mountain range from where she had been and she was nervous of it. She didn’t know what lied on the other side. Her feet hurt and she was tired.

He layed a bunch of bows on the ground and gave Y/n a very appealing look. It made her stomach hurt.

She walked to where he had chosen to sleep and smiled at it. There were branches on the ground which made a mat for sleeping. He had chosen a huge tree with great bows to protect them in case it rained. He was like her father, more than she expected him to be. Not that she ever expected to meet him.

“They think you’re dead.”

He put the last bow down and sat on it. He took the jacket he had brought with him and put it down, patting it for Y/n to sit beside him. Her steps hurt her feet now that they had stopped walking. She dropped onto the ground beside him and watched his eyes sparkle as darkness took over the night sky. She tucked her bow and quiver next to her, always close.

“I was taken to the work farms. We were hiding in this old house like your farmhouse. I wasn’t smart like you though. I never thought about bunkers or having a few different houses and traveling between them. I was an idiot. Anyway they came. I hid Mina and Kirishima and let them take me.”

His face was stoic. She wanted him to kiss her again. She started to wonder if he was going to.

“How did you get away from the farms?”

“I met some people while I was there. Doctors who were forced to work the breeder camps and other scientists. They convinced me I needed to start a revolution from the outside. I escaped with some of him.” He shook his head, as if his thoughts entertained him and brushed his hand through his hair again. He looked at Y/n and smiled, “You know a good spot to clean up around here?”

She shook her head, “Never been here before. You’re starting a revolution?”

He nodded, “The camp we were just at is one of our peace camps. It’s like a retreat. The children and young and old stay there. We have people coming and going constantly. Didn’t you notice how easily you were welcomed?”

“I guess. I just thought that’s what people were like when they live in a camp like that. Aside from the machine gun escort that is.”

He laughed again. She liked the sound of it but it reminded her of Kirishima.

“Well that was a big wolf Y/n. How’d you end up with him?”

“His mother gave birth and must’ve gotten sick shortly after. Hades was waiting for me at the door of the cabin one day. He was tiny then. I could hear his brothers and sisters in the woods. I found the mother dead and half eaten surrounded by the other cubs who were weak and sick. It was awful. I shot them and burned them. It’s the closest the infection ever got to my cabin. He was immune anyway so that’s helpful.”

“He’s immune? Naturally? Maybe he never ate any of the mom.”

Y/n shook her head, “Nah, she wasn’t the only sick thing Hades has eaten. He likes the infected.”

He grimaced, “That’s disgusting. Disgusting and lucky all at the same time.”

“It is.”

“What do you know about the start of the infection?”

Y/n shrugged, “People got sick and some died but others lived and went a little crazy.”

His eyes looked dark as his expression lost its humor and the sun set completely. “No Y/n, people didn’t just get sick. The infection was spread on purpose. Everything that’s happened has been a plan all along.”

“That can’t be true.”

“I wish it weren’t. There was something called the United Nations. They did all of this.”

Y/n felt sick, “They were evil?”

“Not evil, just detached. The world was running out of resources and everyone was constantly putting a hand out to them and asking for aid and food and money. The UN had been warning us forever about global warming and the ice melting and the ocean becoming acidic. Anyway in 2012 all of Greenland's ice and snow melted in a week. The earth started to enter a drought. We thought it was a cyclical event but it wasn’t. It was man made. We had pushed it too far. The same time all this was happening, a conference was held in Rio about the environment. Canada, the US and China pretty much pulled out and admitted they had no intention of slowing their pollution to the recommended level. It would be too hard on their economies. That was the final straw. Apparently the UN had a backup plan for a worst-case scenario such as that. They had a plague. It had a vaccine, which made it easy to spread and then control. The problem was it mutated. They spread the virus at the same time they had bombs placed deep in the ocean along the Japanese coastline. They bombed the shelf and pretty much wiped Japan off the face of the earth and made the west coast of North America a target for huge tidal waves.”

It felt like a movie to Y/n. It didn’t feel real. It felt like the ramblings of her father, before.

“How could you know all this?”

“The work farms. I met people who had been part of the initial plan. The plan was to reset everything. Instead the UN decided they wanted to start humanity over but set it up to succeed this time. The breeder farms were built where only the fit and healthy were allowed to reproduce."

She shivered just imagining it.

Bakugo laughed, “It isn’t what you think. I know what everyone thinks happens but it’s not. The girls only breed every three years and only up to three times. The pregnancy isn’t the result of rape, it’s done using science. The baby is made in a lab and then inserted into the woman’s womb.” Y/n gagged and Bakugo laughed. “The religious had the same reaction. The UN never mentioned this plan to anyone but the very high ups. It never went well.”

“The girls are still taken against their will and made to make babies against their will.”

She saw his head nod in the dark, “Yup and the babies are not God’s children to the Christians. Anyway the UN runs the military but again, they sit in their closed office and plan using numbers and facts and data. They don’t leave it to see what the world looks like or how corrupt the military is. They’ve built six cities world wide from the ashes and rubble of previous cities. They plan on cleaning every inch of the world.

Y/n’s head was spinning, “What about the borderlands?”

“They can’t use anymore bombs without affecting the weather and pollution again, so the plan stands at leaving us to our own devices until they have this part of the world cleaned up. Then they’ll come round us up.”

“Why?”

“They want the diseases and illnesses bred out. They won’t allow those people to live and breed.”

“Oh my god it’s like a nightmare.”

“It is. On that note, we need sleep. You sleep first and I’ll keep watch.”

“That’s some bedtime story.” She liked Kirishima’s better. He laughed and Y/n watched his silhouette in the dark for a moment. He didn’t lean in to kiss her. He was watching the hill they climbed. “How long have they been breeding science babies?”

His outline turned to her and she saw the shine of his eyes in the dark,”A long time.”

“Are the babies different than the rest of us?”

“Yeah.”

The broken branches led them to a camp in a valley on the opposite side of the mountain where her farmhouse sat. The size of the camp was disturbing. Bakugo smiled as he saw it and walked directly up to the man holding the gun amid the trees.

“Halt.”

“Oi dunce face!” Bakugo shouted.

The gunman smiled, “No shit, Bakugo you’re alive. I heard they caught you.”

Bakugo laughed, “They think they did. Is Monoma still in charge?”

The man Bakugo called dunce face pointed to the camp, “He’s still in the smallest tent, you know what he’s like. Still paranoid they’ll bomb us.”

Bakugo laughed and pointed towards Y/n, “This is my friend Y/n.” She felt hurt when he called her his friend. She didn’t know why but the word stung.

“I’m Denki,” He put a hand out and Y/n noticed he had a nice smile. She met his golden eyes and smiled back, “Nice to meet you.” His eyes flickered to Bakugo and an even bigger smile crossed his lips, “So where’d ya two meet?”

She looked at Bakugo.

“She walked up to the mountain retreat the other day with a huge wolf for a pet and an unruly teenager.”

Denki’s eyes grew wide, “You have a wolf?”

She nodded. She wanted to find Mina and Kirishima. She didn’t understand why Bakugo wasn’t busting inside to see them. She felt herself fidget in place,

“Well I’m gonna go see Monoma and see what’s new on this side of the hill.”

They walked toward the camp as the sound of birds squawking filled the forest. The gunmen lower their weapons as they hear the sound and they walk past them. The camp opened as the forest spread thin. It looked like the camp they were at before except that everyone was wearing a firearm or knife. At one point Y/n swore she saw a sword. There were no children here.

“Bakguo! You’re alive!”

A girl with long blonde hair and cut off shorts ran and jumped into his arms. Y/n’s heart stopped as she watched the girl kiss his lips. The lips that only just kissed Y/n the day before. She felt heat radiating from her cheeks. She heard about men who weren’t tied down in romance novels and felt sick thinking that she had fallen for one. All the years of reading the novels and judging the ladies who seemed strong and smart and then fell for a jerk. Reality hurts. She wanted Kirishima and Mina and her cabin and Hades and Jirou. She wanted to let the world kill itself and hide up in the mountains. She never wanted to kiss Bakugo again. She couldn’t believe she was so reckless.

“Camie what the hell. You know me better than that,” He twirled her around and looked sheepishly at Y/n, “This is Y/n.” Y.n nodded and gripped her bow.

Camie beamed at her, “Wow nice find Bakugo, He save you from the farms too?”

Y/n raised an eyebrow, “I don’t need a hero.”

Camie looked at Bakugo, who was staring at Y/n. Y/n walked past him and started to look around. If he didn’t want to find his friends then that’s his problem. Y/n would be damned if she would let them live another moment without the knowledge that their asshole of a friend was alive and well.

“You pissed at me?” Y/n didn’t turn and continued along, eyes desperately searching the crowds of people.

“Bakugo.” He shook hands with a very tanned man with the whitest smile Y/n had ever seen. People continued to greet him, but she couldn’t hear them anymore. She saw what she was looking for. She saw a tall guy limping with shaggy red hair. She broke into a run and dived into his arms when she was close enough to him.

As she made contact he turned. His face was exactly as she remembered it. He had her in his arms before she could speak a word.

“Y/n oh my god. Y/n it’s you. Holy shit I thought they got you.” He was planting kisses everywhere across her face.

“Where’s Mina?”

Kirishima’s kisses stopped but his grip on her face was still strong, “They took her.” Y/n felt her heart drop and wanted to collapse into his arms and sub.

“Shitty hair.”

Kirishima dropped to his knees in front of Y/n. His hands left her face and fell onto the tops of his knees.

“Bakugo? Bakugo is that you?”

Bakugo rushed at him and lifted him up. He pulled him into his embrace. The friend’s hug was fierce but all she heard was the sentence ‘they took her’ repeating in her mind.

Kirishima looked back at her, “You found him?”

Y/n shook his head, she had no words. They hug and cry and laugh but she was stunned. Finally able to speak, she muttered, “Where’d they take her?”

Their reunion no longer meant anything to Y/n.

[actualbird]

Feel free to decline, but are you willing to share a bit more about what it's been like having COVID (symptoms, timeline, etc.)? I'm so paranoid about breakthrough infections after being vaccinated and hearing about other vaxxed people who are pulling through helps ease some of that fear!

hello!! and no problem!!!!

the family covid situation started when my dad got home from work (our area is stil under some kind of quarantine, but the philippines has had So Many Kinds Of Quarantine that i can no longer really tell what kind of quarantine we r under rip... but he goes to the office sometimes, is my point). his office is a few cities away. came home with bad flu symptoms on sept 13. we quarantined him in a room in our house but this house is Small and there are 8 people living here. in order, the others who got covid from him are mother then my younger sibling then me

my father and mother got pretty bad symptoms for their first 7 days. the whole experience, fevers, headaches, fatigue, loss of smell and taste. they were fully vaccinated with Sinovac but also they are both above 50 years old. my younger sibling just turned 18 this month so they arent vaccinated at all (gotta be 18 here to sign up for vaccines) and they also had it very tough for the first half; cough, fatigue, very sore throat after the cough. im 22 years old and i got my first dose of Astrazeneca in august but not the second dose, but my young age like my younger sibling helped me out a bunch in addition with the first dose. only symptoms i got was fatigue, some headaches, and I Could Not Breathe Very Well for those first 3 days but the breathing bit is my fault, im a smoker who has been smoking half a pack a day every day for the past 4 years lol.

now though, all four of us covid positivers are doing pretty well!!! my father and younger sib r all the way better now, and me and my mom are just shaking off the rest of the fatigue.

if theres one thing i can tell ya about symptoms personally, it is that they dont all show up in one go. they trickle in sometimes before going away and then Sometimes They Come Back skfkfkfjf. before yesterday i felt all the way better and then yesterday fatigue kicked my ass again. i just woke up today and im unsure yet about my physical state but today is still pnly my 8th day after symptoms started showing. ive got supposedly 6 more days to be in the clear.....

but yeah, being vaccinated absolutely helps!!!!!! please please if you can get vaccinated where you are, Do It. if you can choose your vaccine im insanely jealous (vaccine rollouts here are random, literal immunization gacha JFJDJFJ) and also pick one that has a great efficacy rate. im quite sure that the vaccines helped me n my parents pull through AND also stopped covid from spreading to the four other people in this household.

i hope this answer helps!!!!!! everybody, get vaccinated!!!!!!

[glassesandkim]

ok so anon sent me a rant that i asked for and I want to answer it but under a cut so we don’t have to spam the dash. 

Click under the read more if you want to read me and anon’s rant on grey’s anatomy s17 finale

anon said: “Magston... what the hell lmao. They literally had a whole plot in 1716 about postponing their wedding so they could do it right (with family) and then winston was getting all mad about it and thought maggie was backing out (even though its a pandemic and theyve only been engaged for like what? 3 months tops). Then they flew their older parent/grandparent out (in the middle of a pandemic and severely affects old people), only to have them object to the wedding at the ceremony and then they postpone anyways???? What???? They couldnt have done that over the phone lmao like I liked the idea of magston a lot in s16 but their arc this season made me hate them so much lol. Sometimes I think theyre less developed than schmico (like which writer decided to marry them this season ????? Fireable offence imo considering they have no previous relationship history Im pretty sure and Im pretty sure they were only dating/engaged for like a year???? Even if the show was ending a moving in together/dating/engagment endgame would have worked for them? Anyways).”

First of all: what the fuck is grey’s obsession with marriage?????

It might just be me, but take it from someone who worked in the wedding industry for 3 years, and lemme tell you: weddings are fun, beautiful, amazing, but they’re also hella for the privileged. YOU KNOW IT CAN COST UP TO $700 CAD TO HIRE AN OFFICIANT??? So the job Richard had? He could’ve made an easy few hundies. 

I really hate how fucking fake and badly acted that scene was when Maggie’s dad and Winston’s grandma objected to the marriage. Why did they wait until then and EMBARRASS both of them???? Like you said, what the hell was the point of last episode’s whole debacle???? They could’ve just not done that plot in ep 16 and had them get married anyway in ep 17 and had someone object to their marriage. 

Can’t believe Maggie flew two old people around the country during a goddamn pandemic. How irresponsible is it???? Again, I don’t know if it’s because they’re just way more relaxed in the states than where I’m from but wth....

anon said: Okay and then amelink. I LOVED how amelia was written this episode, but in the context of the time jump it was kind of weird? Like amelia was feeling this way about marriage/more kids for 8-9 months and never even hinted to link that she wasnt interested? And I like to think link respects amelia a lot, so why didnt he bring up marriage again before proposing? Or ask mer/maggie what they thought about him proposing? I can understand her not talking to link about her concerns but I find it hard to believe she didnt bring it up with mer/maggie once in that time frame? Idk it was just rushed and weird. And amelia clearly wasnt okay with the fostering thing and he still went with it anyways lol.

I can’t remember and I don’t care enough to go watch the ep, but did Amelia and Link move out of Mer’s house? 

The only good thing about this episode was Amelia, especially her conversation with Richard (in that not very Seattle courtyard rofl HONESTLY GREY’S PUT SOME EFFORT IN YOUR SETS. YOU KNOW YOUR ENTIRE SHOW IS SET IN SEATTLE RIGHT/???? LIKE MAKE IT RAIN IN THAT COURTYARD TO REFLECT HOW AMELIA FEELS IDK GAWD)

I also can’t believe Amelia would just be like, welp! I guess I’m a double mom now of my own child and this random crotch child that my baby daddy promised to his best friend. And oh ya, I don’t want anymore children but shhh its a secert.

I mean, I know Amelia technically fostered before but ............. (i’ll continue this in the next segment)

anon said: And the fostering thing... Jo’s plot was weird this ep too lmao. Like maybe Im just dumb but they never explained why she failed her background check? Idk this plot would have been a much better season long arc than a one episode arc lol. Although I think the single parent thing might be fun next season (the weird jo/levi friendship will be worth it if we get schmico babysitting)

They didn’t really explain why she failed her bg check. I also don’t know how money can fix her failed background check.

Also how fucking shady is it that Link and Amelia fostered a child? Wouldn’t the foster people want to give a child to a stable family who, let’s think, ARE MARRIED and HAVE A HOME OF THEIR OWN?

Who’s the dumbass in the writer’s room that thought of this ludicrous convenient solution for Jo? Only people with that much money and power can steal children. 

I really thought Jo’s fight for Luna should’ve started earlier and when it didn’t start, I thought it would bleed into next season. It’s not easy to adopt a child. 

anon said: Also is our last jackson appearance on this show really a random facetime with jo? Would have much rather had a face maggie to congratulate her on her marriage (why wasnt he there???) 

Maggie’s kind of his step sister or whatever the f they are. Jackson could’ve taken a break from solving racism to attend his family member’s wedding, right?

anon said: Okay and then the interns... we never actually saw mer teaching them? Im hoping that theres a bigger intern/resident focus next season because of mers new job but now Im not optimistic haha. And why are the residents and interns grouped together? And why was levi so involved with mer’s patient that he wasnt pulled from the wedding to help???????? Its a double lung transplant get the upper year resident in there PLEASE!!! Or at least let him take over the surgery when mer passed out. Cristina would have been doing this shit in her intern year. I assure you he would much rather be at the surgery than the wedding of someone he has never interacted with. And Surely that surgery would have been better if more than 2 surgeons were working on it?????? my ONLY hope is that the time jump means we’re getting helm and levi aged up to 5th years and we get some chief resident/specialization/boards plots for them next year.

i hate grey’s and their ridiculous time jumps and blatant disregard to HOW THIS WILL AFFECT THE CAREERS OF THEIR RESIDENTS. 

I bet, like Teddy’s child, Levi and Helm are gonna be residents for 10 years and never choose a speciality. I want to revoke grey’s rights to call themselves a medical drama. There’s nothing medical about this show.

JUST WATCH MER TOUCH A DIRTY ASS BASIN AND THEN TOUCH A WHOLE HUMAN LUNG WITH THE SAME HANDS

YOU KNOW HOW DIRTY THAT BASIN IS SITTING ON WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS SITTING ON??? GET A NURSE TO HOLD THE BASIN. YOUR HANDS ARE STERILE

(Okay, I’m also sure the basin would be sterile but I can’t. I can’t believe in real life, they’d have the same hands hold a basin and a human organ. Someone who’s a doctor or works in the OR, tell me if I’m right. I need to know. )

Also, Bailey taking off her mask when she’s hugging Mer after the surgery. Right TO JAIL!

anon said: And finally... not half of maggies wedding guests ditching the wedding to go stand in a hallway and clap for mer LMAO like they couldnt have done that the next day??? Like I said before, most of this episode was comedy lol.

it’s COVID. Why are people going into the hospital unnecessarily??????

Yes, but you’re right. I gotta watch these eps like it’s a comedy or I’ll LOSE MY FACKING MIND

anon said: Redeeming parts of this episode: merhayes still has potential, need them to stop having the same scene over and over again though. Nico ily and alex get that cheque for sitting there, dancing, and clapping for ellen. Jo selling her shares to koracick... lmao. Bokhee and the other nurse getting their vaccines :’)

LOL @ merhayes having the same interaction. I was telling some people that I’d love for Hayes and Owen to have some scenes and for Hayes to kick Owen’s ass. Because like @schmico-ing said, Owen is a child collector and Hayes would absolutely fucking hate him.

YES ALEX LANDI GETTIN’ THAT DOUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHH. What an amazing job. I hope he gets paid in the 6 figures for his time at grey’s.

I don’t know how I feel about Koracick. I love caring Koracick. I hate asshole Koracick. I feel like they’re two different people. 

BOHKEE <3

Anyways, love your rants. I look forward to them when s18 starts or even whenever you have the odd urge to rant!

[figula]

this week -

1. ive been doing a LOT better - that’s one of the good things about my madness - i go down very quickly but also rebound pretty fast. i think the one thing that bothers me is the memory of when things were bad for like a good year, and there was no rebounding, just a slow crawl out of the worst of it. HOWEVER - I haven’t been like long-term non-functional in literally like 10y and i think it’s probably a mistake to worry so much about the possibility of the next breadown being The Next Big One bc i think my life is so different now to when it was back then that it’s unlikely to become quite so bad anyway

2. not having a wall is really bothering me tho. one of my long-term obsessive thoughts is about the cat’s safety - i get very obsessive about the idea that she might somehow get trapped outside, which even when we had a garden wall to separate her from the road was a problem, so now w/o the wall it’s 10x worse lol. no idea when it’ll be fixed and she’ll be able to go outside again - the builder has to do another project first so we’re in limbo until then. i get very fixated on the idea that ben or ana will accidentally let her out and not notice and she’ll be cold / attacked by another cat / attacked by a fox :((( which is another facet of my obsessions tbh like this lack of ability to trust anyone apart from myself, like i have this really overinflated idea of my own responsibility / ability to keep the house safe (hence going around at night and unplugging everything, checking the front door, staring at my hair straighteners for about 10m, the usual) and like i wish i could just fucking stop bc i know ana and ben also love the cat and also like have brains?? and like keeping a cat inside is not rocket science! (+ hopefully even if she did get outside it would not end up in her death lol)

3. ben (kindly) told me that he finds it disheartening that it becomes an Issue every time we have to go and see his family, and that whilst he understands it’s not personal, it still feels bad. which is fair... i apologised about it bc i mean he is right + also he comes and sees my family w/ literally no complaint at all so yeah :/ having said this im a bit fuckin nervous about it now for imo legitimate reasons (i have accepted we’re going + that my problems dont constitute a reason to complain about seeing his family and am planning on being much less whiny about this in future) about this new fucking variant and like 10 mask-free people in one room hanging out, at least half of whom are in public-facing jobs. this is the first time since-covid so many of us would have been in a room - we’ve seen barely anyone since it all kicked off. the timing is bad. i know ben agrees w/ me about the concern bc he’s not an idiot, and he asked them on the GC last night if they can all test beforehand, but only one person responded so far and im a bit like :/ i feel uncomfortable about it bc i feel that after my complaints it definitely seems as tho im just trying to find reasons to not go. if they all test up beforehand im happy to go, but im a bit worried that a lot of them have not confirmed that they will, and idk, ill ask him what he thinks about that. bc his brother works in a shop, his mum works as a teacher, this new variant is supposed to be better at getting past vaccines? so im a bit like oooof this ... not great ... i feel like it’s reasonable to only go to a medium scale get-together if everyone tests neg beforehand? what do you guys think? but i dunno i guess at some point you also have to just do stuff... like you can’t entirely live under the shadow of stuff that might happen, including covid, and this is coming from someone who’s been INCREDIBLY careful the entire time

4. i have struggled w/ getting back to my wig work - im gonna start working properly again today bc im actually so behind. my site job also MAY be coming to an end in april - we will all have to reapply for the payment, and i don’t know, they may well feel it’s fairer to give someone a shot who hasn’t been paid for an entire year by that point. which i DO think is fair, and i would understand it, but i would have to take a MASSIVE step back from the site, and it feels kinda grim if they essentially fire their One Woman, given that ive done everything asked of me and am always well-ranked in the monthly numbers. i will probably make this clear in the reapplication - that i will not be around if there is no money. not bc i don’t care but bc i do not have the time. couple of things are working in my favour tho in that ive already proven myself to be a good member of the team + also that im one of the most highly-ranked people there in terms of permissions, so i can do everything rather than some more lowly-ranked people who can only do a few things. also you know. i feel like they would be aware of how bad it would look to let their one woman go honestly? bc they handwring a lot about the woman situation, so im curious how this will play out, bc to me it seems blindingly obvious that a lack of access to resources is one of the main reasons why more women dont hang out there. so im curious if they are gonna actually apply that logic and keep paying me.

[heartachebf]

9, 23, and 37 -Batz 🖤💜

fic related questions

9. which fic has been the hardest to write? um can i say all of them ^_^ on a more serious note, id probably have to say either my georgebur high school au fic or my enemies to lovers fwt fic! i love the concepts behind them so much, and i love the bits and pieces of them that ive managed to write, but its just been So hard over the months to actually Work on them enough to be able to post them :( im sure there are others thatve been tough to write, but those are the only ones that come to mind right now!

23. if you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? ok im about to be very vulnerable and open with this one, but the first thing that comes to mind is a rhys/fiona borderlands fic that i wrote when i was 13 that was basically just a self indulgent rewrite of a piece of canon. (fun fact, that fic and all my other borderlands fics are on a super secret ao3 account that i scrapped years ago for. reasons im honestly not too sure of anymore) but i really like the idea behind that fic still, but its very. ugh. yknow? its very clearly written by a very young person! and if i ever get heavily back into borderlands, i honestly might try and rewrite All the fics ive got posted on that account bc They Deserve Better

id also probably pick my pta dads buddie au bc the au is so near and dear to my heart, but i started it when i was 16 and it needs a lotta major reworking before i can ever hope to Continue it

37. talk about your current wips. omgomg ok, so ive got Four active wips and Two fic ideas that are lengthier that i havent started yet, but i still am Actively Thinking about them (under the cut bc this post is getting long enough as is)

1. first is an angsty stan/kyle fic! to summarize, stan and kyle are pretty new to their relationship, and kyle invites stan over to dinner at his parents house so they can meet him as his Boyfriend instead of his Best Friend for the first time. but stan gets an eensy bit shitfaced and makes an ass of himself, so kyle tells him he needs to get his shit together. n stan is pissed bc hes like "i dont have a drinking problem!!" but then he talks to kenny and craig and tweek and theyre all like "um. dude you definitely have a problem lol." and im not sure how itll end yet, but i Am excited for it!

2. next is the one where stan realizes hes nonbinary and comes out ^_^ not much to say about that one yet, but i Am excited for it

3. next is the one where craig counts tweeks freckles !! not much to say abt this one other than the fact that its saying sappy craig rights And its gonna be nothing but extreme fluff

4. next is another style fic! this one has kyle n kenny being besties, as well as stans band, crimson dawn! basically, crimson dawn has a show, kenny asks kyle to come, kyle Goes to the show, and immediately falls in love with the cute lead singer whos absolutely Wrecking his throat with his screaming ^_^ theres also gonna b some side butters/kenny!!

5. next is one of the ones thats just an Idea so far! this one is centered around how, in the vaccination special, kyle+cartman+stan kinda treated kenny like their son so! au where they decided to adopt a kid (kenny) together (bc thats a thing that bros do)! and the fic is basically gonna center around kyle and cartman getting into fights all the time n eventually going to counselling together so they can Stop fighting, and stans jus kinda there, being the best dad he can while also supporting his friends in their journey of being able to parent together again ^_^ and then therell also be some stan/kyle later on, havent decided yet :)

6. finally, single dad stan au!! basically, stan n wendy had a kid together, but they later divorced (but they remain good friends!) n their kid is starting kindergarten! n for one reason or another, stan meets the cute school librarian (kyle ^_^) and gets a big crush on him! n thats all ive got for that one so far ^_^

[tisziny]

Long post.

Sometimes I just feel completely emotionally constipated. Like I feel over whelmed by my anxiety or my depression or what I think is a decent case of ADHD, and whatever else. But I can't cry. The only times I seem to cry is watching sad Pokemon episodes, or if my girlfriend and I are on different pages on something and we talk it out with tears. Or when a pet dies but let's not go there.

Sydney (and new south wales as a whole) is in a covid lockdown at the moment. I have left the house twice in the last month, once to the chemist to get my script and once to a different chemist to get my second shot of the covid vaccine. And this is my first real lockdown. Last year I was still working the whole time and still grocery shopping in person. But the Delta wave is more serious, work can't pay me because the federal government won't give us the same support as last year, so I have been on unpaid leave for all of August and will continue to be for all of September and with what I've seen in the news it's gonna stay like this until at least November. (But the state government is offering a payment for people who can't work in lockdown so I don't have to worry about rent etc)

The thing is, I really underestimated how much not having a choice in this whole thing would weigh on me. I was sorta jealous of people locked down? Because I didn't want to go to work and I didnt want to go get groceries and I didn't want to be an essential worker in that I was going to work but not essential enough that I got the vaccine early or kept on the higher payment from the government as long as other careers were. And I always thought I would be fine stuck at home because that's all I ever wanted to do was stay at home.

I've always considered myself as very introverted. But I'm starting to wonder if I've just taken all my social anxiety symptoms and called it introverted because it's easier to explain. And like, I don't like large social groups, I'm anxious around too many people, especially new people. I don't like going to night clubs or bars or parties where I only know one or two people. I hate when I have to go places I don't know the 'rules' too or have never been to before. But at the same time I want to see my friends and I want to see them often. I'll call people my friends even if I haven't seen them in years and I'm always happy to go out of my way to catch up with someone passing through the city. But on a regular basis I only ever really talk to the same three or four people outside of my family and Meagan. I'm good at small talk (according to my girlfriend) and I like to make casual chitchat with a friendly person on the bus (as long as they're not giving me bad vibes) or the uber driver or whatever. Even when im having a panic attack in public if I'm in the middle of shopping I make an effort to be friendly to anyone I need to interact with. Am I'm not introverted at all? I'd hardly say I'm am extrovert but maybe I'm just in the middle. But my anxiety and my fear of making a fool of myself, paired with my (as yet undiagnosed) ADHD and tendency to hyper fixate on topics of interest to me (and people) has made me hyper aware of being embarrassing when I talk too much or about the wrong things has just lead me to believe I was introverted. And my sister always point things like that out to me never helped.

I'm getting off topic. The point is, I'm not coping well in lockdown. I thought I would be fine. Meagan had been fine. But I thought I would be okay and I really haven't been and my coping mechanism has always been shut down and work on auto pilot if necessary. But I feel like I'm spending all my time shut down in an endless abyss of not knowing what to do and not feeling capable of doing anything. I don't feel like I can concentrate on tv plots or something unless I'm doing something with my hands but colouring hurts my hand after a while because I hold my pen wrong and I can only draw in short bursts and I haven't been able to even try writing any fanfic. I need to to stuff with my hands. I painted a puzzle! I made a teacup shaped cardboard cat scratcher from old boxes and painted it. I crocheted from a pattern for the first time. I enjoyed all those tasks so much because they kept my hand busy and I had a task to focus on while getting to enjoy tv. But without a task like that all I have the capacity to do is sit in the feeling of being stuck or distract my self in scrolling through whatever app I can, normally cycling between Facebook, insta and Tumblr until I run out of things and then I go on tiktok until I'm video fried.

I've been online shopping too much and when that stuff arrives I'll be distracted with an activity for a bit. A couple days maybe. But then it's back to this. The stuck feeling. I don't want to be doing nothing but don't have the energy or the concentration or something whatever it is to push through my executive dysfunction and like, clean or go for a walk around the block or literally anything.

Doesn't help that my sleep schedule is waaayyyy off. And my appetite. Plus the executive dysfunction doesn't help when it comes to making dinner.

And the point to all of this was that I was sitting here at 1.30am, knowing I probably won't go to sleep for another few hours, feeling all these frustrations and the release of a good cry sounds so amazing. But I can't. I guess I really am shut down. It's the trauma✨

[definitelynotacosmicbeing]

I attended a funeral today...

And I really don’t know how I feel right now. The last time I went to a funeral I was a kid and really didn’t understand what was going on. I felt no grief for the bastard that died.

He was an abusive as hole who hit kids, and cuased my dad to go through hell. I only knew him for a short time and the only emotion I ever felt towards the man was either fear or resentment.

He died when I was in the first or second grade. So I was whatever age that is.

But today I went to a funeral for a women I never met. And- it was a Christian funeral by the way. I was completely lost the whole time but the families there where very understanding and never got mad when I didn’t sing along or not understand that I’m supposed to say the words in bold.

She was my fathers childhood best friends mother. She died on my brother birthday last week. From the story’s I’ve heard she was a wonderful woman.

And... And her kid... He was- is so awful. For an example he destroyed her and her husbands business running it into the ground completely.

He was never around and just acted as a leach, takeing things without the entent to ever repay the favor. Not that she ever asked him to.

But- what’s really makeing me angery is what I found out. Her son two weeks before her death (illegally) changed her will so that he would inherit everything.

He took advantage of her, just for some properties and things that she considers valuable.

This of course won’t stand up in court, the other son. (He’s a literaly angel. I’ve know him since I was a kid. He’s to kind for his own good.) Will though have to face his brother in court and have to fight for the house.

This of course will take time. To much time, until then the bad son will probably pawn everything the woman owned.

But... I’ve never turely felt loss like this in my life. I have both my parents, the grandparents that I’ve grown up with. I’ve never had a friend die, I never lost a person so close to me. It’s a loss that I will be forced to feel again but- probably a thousand times worse.

I’m terrified.

I still cry when I hear that someone was killed on the news, I still mourn the loss of those people like they where family. It’s something I’ve always done.

But this... I don't know how to my feelings into words. As i write this Im crying and my heart rate is 98. But those are just observations.

I can explain what’s happening in my mind though... I’m remembering things, things that make me angery and confused.

Things like my own father saying that the elderly should just die- because they can’t contribute anymore.

My mother making ugly remarks about a kid at my school who died from an overdose. Calling them a “druggy” who is better off not being a burden.

The people who created “all live matter,” to say that all lives don’t.

People who remove park benches because people where sleeping on them.

The kids that bullied me rerenttusly because I was “forren.” (I’m an American cizsen who is white. I might have other things in me but I’m white.) Just because I wasn’t born in the same town as them.

The first person who hit me. Just because they where mad, I’ve never wanted to do that... I can’t understand why someone would do that to another person.

I’m currently in a lot of pain from my covid vaccine my entire arm feels like it’s being crushed from all directions. My brother is purposely bumping into it and is punching it. And all I’ve said is “please stop, your hurting me.” I’ve never punched him in his arm, where he was vaccinated. It’s never even crossed my mind.

I guess why I’m trying to say is I can’t understand why people can be so cruel. How people can just- say things like that. Where talking about people...

I just- what... What happened to cuase this? We- people aren’t supposed to be like this. Where supposed to be the smart ones but- we can be so cold and curel.

I feel like a pool cleaner that was given the ability to see color.

I was a pallbearer today, normally I wouldn’t be but my younger brother wasn’t actually strong enough to do it. So I volunteered too, I was worried that without the “correct amount” of people something would go wrong.

As I carried the body of a woman who I learned so much about I so little time... It was like a wave of emotions hit me all at once.

I was allowing myself to grieve for the first time. I’ve never done this before...

I don’t personally believe in an after life out of spite. If someone can create such a cruel world they don’t deserve to be praised for it. I don’t believe in the small moments or liveing your life to the fullest.

I’ve personally not lived a good life. It could have been so much worse but, it was enough to make the way I am today. Spiteful against my own existence. Everytime I find myself smileing and doing something fun I can’t enjoy it. Because if I do- when it’s gone, it will just hurt more.

Because it won’t last...

One day I’ll just be FIRST NAME LAST NAME. (In the government when your deased your name is written in all caps)

Ive have never let myself think to much about my death... Its inevitable, and I don’t think I can ever get over that. I don’t see a reason to want to live forever but I don’t see a reason to want to die other.

So I just didn’t let myself think about it. It never lead to good things.

As a result of my depression my memory has become worse and worse. I’ve been on trips and have had so many experiences but I have no memory of them. Not even after being reminded.

Only photos that I took- it’s... They had photos of her in the church. They where of her when she got married and some recent ones. And I thought to myself, it’s just like looking at the photos I take.

Ones of experiences that I don’t remember, ones that only others can remember for me. And I guess, that broke me today.

One day I’ll be her, people will take whatever I called my own. Whatever family I may have will have to experience my loss.

And someone won’t care. Someone will just glance over my death as a fact in a history they never will experience.

I’m sorry for putting such a long post on here... I- I’m just really not okay at the moment. I have to many things going on right now for me to handle, I just want to scream and cry but don’t have the time to.

What a cruel existence I’ve found myself in...

[yanderemommabean]

Yandere Illness Bakugou Katsuki (By Admin Mommabean)

The villain was definitely an easy take down. Small time crooks are always biting off more than they can chew in a fruitless effort to become the next big scare in the news and media. A few civilians were bruised up, but thankfully alive, all thanks to the new top ten heroes who were able to arrive on time. Katsuki was one of the first on the scene, getting up close and personal in his usual brash and on-sight attack methods, typically looked down upon by much more thorough and examining heroes after things were wrapped up. 

This time wasn’t unlike any other. The villain attacked, said some stupid things about how heroes are hypocrites, and was under Katsukis fist or boot once the soliloquy was about halfway done and grating on his nerves. Self righteous villains got on his nerves more than Izuku did when he was overly nerding out with people. 

The villain mumbled something incoherent when the cops arrived to lock them away, looking Katsuki dead in the eyes as they did so. He could only make out the last few words, and considered it drugged up nonsense. Something along the lines of “Your darkest desires will take over. I’m not the only one who’s sick”. 

Whatever that was supposed to mean, Katsuki couldn’t care less. He’s heard all types of death threats before, so this was nothing! A joke at this point really. “Mr. Bakugou, we need to inform you about this attack, it's urgent, but needs to be done in private” an investigator advised, taking his attention away from the car hauling the perpetrator away.  He nods in a silent agreement, about to ask when he should arrive, but was bombarded by media personnel and flashing phone cameras. 

He said his usual replies, knowing that things needed to be kept out of the spotlight for now until they figured out exactly what the villain was up too, and said about his usual amount of curse words along the entire short lived interviews.  

“Alright everyone, we have important issues to cover! Please leave your questions to the officers to the left of you, I need a moment with Mr. Ground Zero” A calm voice stated with hands held up to block his face from the paparazzi. Katsuki groans as the flock fleets over to the officers in a heartbeat, thankful that the man came to his rescue so to speak. 

“Their attention is off of me, so what’s wrong? This villain got some sort of mass murder planned like the old league?” he bit out with his arms crossed over his chest. Every other year, there’s a bad guy trying to redo what shigaraki couldn’t, and its getting pathetic that they keep trying. He recalls a villain last year who tried to be tough with a weak quirk, and it only ended in them being beaten up by Deku and him. Honestly, when will they learn? 

“That’s the issue. They weren’t a villain or a hero, just a civilian who was trying to get a coffee. The next thing we’re told, he’s proclaiming asinine things about love and his desire for some poor girl at the counter who he’s supposedly known for less than a year, attacking some people with his quirk when they tried to tell him to back off”. 

Well that's nuts. Was he upset that he got rejected? A love story gone wrong? 

“So he got his heart broken and retaliated in a bad way, doesn’t mean he has my sympathy, he still hurt people” He said blandly, as if he wasn’t affected. 

“We think its an illness. These cases have been popping up all over the country, as if its a disease that’s airborne. The symptoms are all the same” The man explained with a worried expression. “Well, we assumed it was airborne anyway...Now it seems to be more by droplets and touch. We’re concerned that this outbreak may have been passed to you, and we need to do some testing as soon as possible. I wish I had time to explain more, but we need to start disinfecting people as soon as possible”. 

What? This dude is telling him that he might be infected with a disease that makes him fall in love or some shit? That’s nuts! Absolutely batshit! “Im not letting some nerd tell me i'm sick if you can’t even tell me why this is so dangerous. I think I'll be just fine” he bites out, beginning to turn and head towards his house. 

“Mr please! It could be life and death! Just-” the medic stammers, trying not to anger the hot headed hero “Just...don’t come in contact with anyone for a while, and I’ll do what I can to explain everything. Please?” he asks with a pleading expression, hoping that the top hero would at least consider his options. 

With an annoyed huff, Katsuki nods, but doesn’t give anymore confirmation than that. He just wanted to continue his patrol and head home, he needed a nice shower after being covered in dirt and scratches. 

He walks in his home about half an hour later, scratching his head to shake loose some dirt as he flicks on the light. He huffed, tossing his mask aside to the couch while shutting the door with his foot. Soap and water sounded pleasant right about now, and he could feel his muscles aching for the attention of a steamy shower. 

“Your darkest desires will take over. I’m not the only one who’s sick” 

Those words echoed in his head as he stands under the spray of the water. What could they possibly mean? Were they aware that they were ill with whatever that nerd was telling him about? Were they even the same person anymore? 

He shakes his head and tries to focus on just relaxing, shampooing his hair and humming to himself softly, making the world around him nonexistent for a few moments as his eyes closed in thought. As usual, his personal time was short, and the ringing of his phone caused him to once again be aware that reality kinda sucks. 

He turned off the water and tried to dry his hands the best he could, picking up the device with a scowl “yeah? What is it?” He bit out water still dripping from his hair as he wrapped a towel around his waist. “M-Mr. Bakugo! I'm sorry if this is inconvenient, but I just got some news that you needed to hear! That man who was sent away was tested, and it turns out he was contaminated by a new virus”. 

“And? What's that gotta do with me? “ He asked with a quirked eyebrow “I need a shot or whatever?”. 

“There’s a vaccine being made now, but no cure....The symptoms and signs are hard to tell until its too late”. 

He knit his brows together while listening in, becoming slightly nervous “What are the signs? Quit beatin’ around the bush and tell me already!”. 

The man's voice squeaked a bit, and he began to try and explain without stuttering in fear. “Obsessive thoughts over someone, possessive behavior, delusional thinking, aggressive actions that can lead to injury or death for the other person, anxiety, insomnia- The list goes on! Its...It’s like a-”

“Like a love virus” Katsuki finished, his cheeks becoming red from the thought of who he could possibly even fall for. “You think I have it? You think I’d hurt people if I do?” He asked while trying to cover the worry in his voice, knowing that in order to solve problems you often have to remain level headed. 

“It’s hard to say at this moment, sir, but I can always send someone to do tests if you feel you’re having early signs and symptoms. For now, just use standard caution when meeting people. Gloves, masks, anything you feel would protect you and others. I promise, our team is doing their best to stop this disease in its tracks”. 

Katsuki runs his fingers through his hair as he listens, humming small agreements before ending the call, placing his cell phone on the side of the sink with shaking hands. “I can’t be sick like that bastard! I won’t let it happen!” he says aloud, looking at himself in the foggy mirror before him. 

“I’m not sick. I won’t get sick. I'm a hero! Heroes don’t get sick! They help the sick!” he states while pointing at himself. “I. Won’t. Get. Sick”. He’s sure he’s fine! He won’t get these symptoms! No, he’s as healthy as can be! 

Poor thing has no idea that the virus has already taken over, and that his trials have just begun. 

[luthien-t]

Resurfaced Memories. chapter one.

Loki x Female reader

warning: swearing, use of tobacco, angst slightly

Summary: Being the goddess of Victory, Sigyn. You Devoted your eternal love to Loki, but ever since his reveal of being the Jotun, Odin decides to separate you both to prevent all chances of him seizing the throne. Casted -More like banished- to Midgard with no memories of your previous life, you believe you are the same as the ones around you, the midgardians. You gave yourself the name Y/n. With plenty of help and guidance you finally have a life, what will it be of Loki when he finds you during his trips with his brother? 

word count: 1.6K+

(Im going to pretend that Thanos NEVER happened, so loki 2012 never happened -the avenger did happen tho, just not bc of loki- loki is on good terms with them, him and thor come visit every once and a while, thank u thank u)

A/N: Tell me what you think! Send me a message if you want to be in the taglist and thank youu! Happy readingg

1945, New York.

You are walking, where? You don’t know, you don’t recognise half of the things you pass. People are dressed differently than you, looking down at your gown, it was muddy and damaged, your hair was out of place and your bare feet cannot handle any more of the wet mud you’ve been walking on, it was raining, heavy. You find a house with the lights turned on and walked towards it. Your mind was spiralling with thoughts, unsure of what happened or where you’ve been before, you knock on the door once, tears start to dwell in your eyes, you can’t deny how terrified and confused you are. Knocking again on the door, you were greeted by a woman, a shotgun in her hand earning a gasp from you.

“Who are you and what are you doing on my porch?!” She had the gun aimed directly towards you, as soon as she noticed your tears she put down the gun, scanning you from head to toe, a frown appearing on her face as she noticed the ripped and muddied clothes before pulling you in and looking around outside the house, trying to find any sign of danger. You stood behind her, mouth dry, your brain can’t even comprehend the situation you are in, you are trying so hard to remember but all you get is headache.

“Darling, are you safe?” She locked the door before turning to look at you, concern visible in her face and you only shrug, words won’t come out, almost like you have forgotten how to think or use them. She walked to the living room behind you, telling you to follow her as she grabbed a blanket to wrap around you. “What is your name?” She asks, quietly. You look up at her, trying to remember, your eyes moving around and closing them as if you will remember, but nothing comes to mind. Growing frustrated a sob escapes and your body shakes, she frowns and sits down on the couch in front of you. “Have a seat, sweet heart.” She said in a soothing voice, you sit down and violently wipe your tears before looking down at your hands resting on your knees. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you.” You hear yourself say, although it came out through your gasps and broken sobs. She shook her head and leaned forward. “Nonsense, as long as you’re here, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you” She rested a hand on your knee, leaning her head down to look at your face. 

But that is the thing, you don’t even know if there is anyone or or anything, you can’t remember where you were or how you got here, your eyes locked to the woman in front of you and you nod. “I don’t remember anything” Thats the only thing you are sure of, you don’t remember. 

“Parents? Family? Friends? Anyone I can call?” She asks slowly and you shake your head. “I don’t remember anything, I swear.” Your body begins to shake again and she tightens the blanket around you, trying to give you some form of security. “That’s alright, we will figure this out.” She smiles softly. “I’m Linda, Linda Johnson.” She sits back and watches you, unsure of how to handle your situation. You nod. “I’m-“ You want to say, want to know your name, but your mind won’t cooperate with you whatsoever, your tears appearing again and you sigh. “I don’t know.” You say and look up at her, a frown printed on your face. 

She was wearing a plain white shirt and jeans, her hair was orange and she appeared to be younger than you could imagine. She tried to have a conversation with you, talking about her past in simple details, she used to work with the Armed forces. “You don’t look like you live here.”she said then told you that you are currently in New York in the united states, she is about 28 years old, lives alone ever since she left her job. You wanted to interact with her and tell about yourself but your mind won’t budge one bit. 

“I will send papers about you, maybe a family or a friend will recognise you and call. We will check up with a doctor tomorrow to see if there is any thing they can do” She reassured you, all you can simply do is nod and thank her. 

1947, New York.

It has been two years since you found yourself in New York, you’ve gotten used to the way things work around here. Living with Linda was making everything easier for you, everyday you learnt something new from her. A couple of months into your first interaction, she decided to give you a name. 

“You’re not going to be cramped up in this house all day long, you can help me and I can help you,” She started, “It has been 3 months since I put the posters up about you, but we have to see every outcome.” She was starting to worry, she wondered if you even had a family around here. “How does y/n sound?” She said and you smiled wide at her. “I love it” You say and repeat the name, it was simple and easy to remember.

After a year or so, you started to have a life here, you also learnt the reason why Linda left her job, she talked about how a scientist named Abraham Erskine tested a chemical on her, she felt unsafe and had to leave. 

“There was no effect, I didn’t feel a thing, he called it the super-soldier serum, I was there to help when he first started working on it. Which is why he tested on me, when nothing happened to me he realised that the serum needed more development, but I couldn’t risk my life for some bullshitted serum” She says as she lights her cigarette and you nod. “So you’re still the same? No effects?” You ask, stirring a cup of tea in your hand and she shakes her head. “Oh no, honey, I had some reaction, my wounds heal faster and I look like im 20 when I’m actually 47, I can run fast, the super strength ingredient was apparently the only thing missing, but I had to get out or else he would’ve kept testing and trying.” You nod again and take a sip from your cup. 

“For all we know I might live past the normal human age” she chuckled and you smile. You wonder how old you are, the doctors who checked up on you all gave you the same answer. “Our machines are not that upgraded and we could only assume that you are in your twenties.” They were all amazed at how your cells regenerate quickly and how immune you are to diseases despite not knowing what a vaccine is. 

Your days always passed quickly with nothing to do but help Linda in her house, you found a new passion towards gardening and reading, you spent your free time reading every book Linda had and sometimes you’d go to the library and read the books there, you enjoyed norse mythology the most and absorbed every knowledge you could have cramped up inside your mind. 

Back in Asgard.

Loki spent the last two year, alone. Yes, he had his brother and his friends, but no one was able fill the gap that you left. He wondered if he ever treated you wrong for you to leave so easily, without a goodbye or a letter, his thoughts taking over him. He mostly spent his awakening hours in the library, sometimes in the garden under your favourite tree, hoping maybe one day you will return with an explanation. 

“Still waiting, brother?” Thor said, looking down at Loki who was sitting under that wretched tree he loved dearly. 

“That is none of your concern, Thor.” He replied as he flipped the page of the book he pretended to be reading, Thor knew him more than anyone, he was the only one who was able to see through his lies ever since you left. 

“She will return, don’t fret, Loki. Everyone was envious of the love you two had for eac-“ 

“I would rather not talk about her, thank you very much.” He shut his book and looked up at his brother. Thor only chuckled and sat down next to him, anger started to coarse through Lokis veins, How dare he sit where my beloved sat before him!

“Father is as distraught as you are, you know.” Thor looked at him with amusement in his eyes, trying to calm his brother down. “She was the only one keeping you from causing all this trouble!” This time, Thor laughed and Loki looked away. “Father loves to pretend, Thor, you should know this by now.” He crossed his arm and remembered the last time Odin mentioned her.

“She forced heimdall to open the Bifront, Loki, she succeeded at treason. I would not want a criminal roaming this castle or this realm.” Odin told him calmly, Loki was drowning in his own guilt and pain that he was unable to see the lie presented in front of him.

“This is her home! What will happen of her if she is denied of returning to her own realm!” Loki protested, taking a step closer to Odin. 

“I will not command Heimdall to bring her back, she may have left on her own accord but she will not return so easily! This is final.” His father stood up, his staff slamming down on the floor, Loki fought the anger and tears from appearing and left without another word. 

Odin watched as Loki left and whispered. “One day you will understand.”