#im tired of people making excuses and i'm tired of people trying not to act like the bad guy

[autisticlee]

it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!

i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"

why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)

ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!

this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!

why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.

[jackwhiteprophetic]

Okay so I don't usually go into asks, so l'm sorry if this isn't the correct etiquette (its not rlly an ask, more of a anti-bt rant), BUT the amount of bt truthers on my feed recently have been pissing me off, and then I saw this one post that said,

"honestly i love tommy not entertaining their shovel talk with any serious answers, he's like yeah this is my relationship with my adult bf who wants me so im gonna go eat my cake now (double entendre)"

Which??? I don't even know what to say.

honestly i love Tommy not entertaining their shovel talk with any serious answers

Shovel talk?? You mean them asking legitimate questions on his intentions with their friend, who they care about??? who they're protective over??? who's dating a guy that in the past was both racist and misogynistic??? Who treated hen terribly when she joined the 118???

Idk about some people but I'd def hold a grudge 💀??

And it's the way he's not even TRYING. Like they said, not entertaining their questions with any serious answers. he's just making poorly landing jokes (that apparently his cult following chalks up as sass????) and being so dismissive of everything they say.

"I'm wearing a medal" dear god I hated him before that clip but the way he was acting made me hate him even more and gave me SO MUCH of an ick.

It's the way his following are following him so blindly? That they can't see that he wasn't being sassy he was being a sarcastic little shit who doesn't know how to read the room. Henren are trying to look out for their friend who this asshat is dating and he can't even bring himself to try to assure them that he's good for buck.

Idk I think I might've gotten a bit off topic but bt stans are so aggravating???? I've been called 'delusional' by so many people in this fandom who used to be buddie shippers but converted as soon as Buck was kissed by another guy.... And I've seen so many bt shippers be like 'Oh, yeah, I used to be in that sub fandom, I know how annoying and pushy they are'. I'm SO tired of the infighting, and the sudden shitting on Eddie that's going on ever since Tommy reentered the picture. And I'm so tired of THEM thinking that bt will be endgame because it's Buck's first relationship with a man and Bobby gave his approval. They don't care about Buck. I saw another post the other day talking about how 'Evan Buckley better not break Tommy Kinard's soft gentle heart or they're gonna have words'. Atp all they care about is Lou/Tommy. 

Hello!!! Anyone is always welcome to send me asks especially just to rant, I don't end up responding to all of them because I don't want to only focus on Tommy or BT shippers because there are lots of other less aggravating things to talk about, but I saw the same post and I had the same thoughts and I will say I find it incredibly frustrating how some people have praised Tommy for that scene.

Because I think he should be a lot more ashamed of how he treated Hen, and I think if he understood the weight of his ignorance/outright bigotry on her in the past, he would be a lot more receptive of the fact that obviously she feels protective over her friend in this situation. The fact is, the characters of Gerrard and Tommy were written in S2 to show how fucking dangerous workplace bigotry is. They're firefighters. Try telling me that Tommy would have fought as hard to get Hen from a burning building than a white male teammate. Do we think that this extended to the public? When Gerrard was probably evacuating crew members from burning houses earlier than he would for white neighbourhoods, do we think Tommy stood up and said "no, I'm an ally and I say this is wrong, we should fight just as hard for every life". Or did he sit there like a fucking coward and think about cars or boxing or something? I don't have much more to add because I fucking hate the character so much and I am quite disgusted by the white people who excuse this or look past it. You should feel more shame and Tommy should show he is fucking ashamed of his actions and at least show Hen some fucking respect. Tommy should take Hen seriously because his actions had fucking serious real life consequences.

Anyway thank you for the ask!!! My ask box is always open for people to rant and I will always read them!! I'm very much limiting how much I talk about that character BC I am trying to focus more on positive stuff, but if anyone would like to message me ranting about him or any 911 thing I am always available!!!

[automaticllamacycle]

May Jesus forgive me for what I’m about to say.

Making matty jealous at an industry party until he spanks you and fucks you so hard afterwards

I am going to be combining this ask with this one that I got because they will fit will together hehe : literally matty just fucking you RELENTLESSLY like that man is not stopping until your actually crying like tears are flowing down your face

Disclaimers: reader is quite drunk during the sex, but I'm acting like this is in the dom/sub au I (kinda) have going on so they are in a very committed relationship and have discussed situations like this before! Anyways now onto the horny thoughts (even though im writing this more like a traditional fic)

this ended up being like 1.5k words. It is now 2am so it is NOT proof read, like not even a once over I am SLEEPY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

industry parties are the worst. You despise them. Its all the same every time. You would show up with Matty, have a few drinks of alcohol, and hang by Matty's side while he talked with people from the label. It got old really fast in all honesty.

Tonight you just wanted his attention more than anything, and you are determined to have it by the end of the night. You arrive to the party on his arm and the same old pattern begins as he's dragged away by Jamie to go talk to someone. Without Matty at your side, you excuse yourself to the open bar. One drink turns into two, which turns into three before you even realize it.

You planned this out beforehand. You thought to yourself, maybe if you got a bit drunk and needy, you could convince Matty to take you home early. After drink number three you walk over to Matty, and lean to whisper in his ear. "Baby, can we go home? I'm tired of this."

Matty can tell you're a bit tipsy from your mumbled speech. "Sweetheart, this stuff is important I can't just leave because you want to leave."

"But Matty-" you start, putting on pleading doe eyes. He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

"I said no. Now, go on, it shouldn't be too much longer, anyway. You can be patient."

So, you found yourself back at the bar, with another drink. You've had too much, but you don't really care. Too pissed at Matty to really give a shit.

After another hour passes you stumble back over to Matty. The liquid courage must be working because you don't even care about the fact he's talking to people. You nearly crash into his side when you reach him. "Matty! Can we go now?" He shoots you a glare instantly before turning back towards the two men he was speaking with.

"Sorry guys, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Please, continue on with what you were saying!" Matty's hand is around your waist in a bruising grip. His lips quickly come up to your ear to speak in a dark tone. "Behave."

You do behave... for a total of five minutes, then you get needy again. You start small, leaning into his side and placing your arm on his chest. The alcohol dulls your rational thinking enough that you have no shame in your next actions, reaching up to kiss him on the neck. Matty laughs off the kiss, not so much as turning his gaze to you, continuing to listen to the men speaking to him. His grip on your waist tightens. He's starting to get mad.

You don't stop. Your hand paws at his chest while you balance on your tip toes to whisper in his ear. "Please, sir. I need you-"

Matty steps away fast, not letting you connect your lips to his neck again. "Haha- sorry lads I think it's time I take her back home. Jamie is right over there and would be happy to answer any other questions you two might have." And with that Matty's hand firmly grips your wrist and pulls your behind him, out the door, and to his car.

Once your on the road, he finally speaks after giving you the silent treatment. "What the fuck was that? Were you trying to embarrass me? You know it's important that I talk to people like that at these things."

"I'm sorry- I just wanted your attention."

"And you thought the best way to do that was to beg me to fuck you in front of those guys?"

"I whispered it!"

"Whispered? You call that a whisper? I'm almost certain they heard you. How much have you had to drink tonight."

"Uhm... I lost count."

"No shit."

The rest of the car ride was filled with silence. When you arrive at his place, he doesn't even go around to open your car door, instead heading straight to the front door of his house. Once your both inside, he sits down on the couch. He's angry. Really fucking angry.

"Bend over my knee. Right now." You don't dare disobey him. That would only increase your punishment. You lean your body over his legs, giving him access to your ass. Matty flips up your dress to reveal your lace underwear that is already soaked through.

"I'm sorry sir- I- I promise I didn't mean to embarrass you. Just wanted you so bad." You flinch when his hand strikes your ass.

"Fucking slut. Just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you avoid getting punished." You gasp as his hand comes down again, just as hard as the first strike. "Besides." His hand spanks you again. "You knew what you were doing when you decided to order all those drinks didn't you?" His hand hits you again, showing no mercy. "Needed some courage before you could be such a whore in public, huh?"

"Yes- yes sir- I knew what I was doing. I'm sorry." Matty's satisfied with your answer, but that doesn't stop the onslaught of his hands. You'll be bruised for at least a week. He wants you to remember this every time you sit down. He wants you to remember and learn from the punishment.

By the end of it, you're sobbing. The strikes were becoming too much, and you needed him to touch you. "Matty- p-please I- I need you, please."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes, sir. I'll never do it again. I promise." you say through choked sobs. Without warning Matty carries you to the bedroom and throws you onto the bed before he starts taking off his clothes. He's hard through his boxers, which are soaked with precum. You follow suit and take off your dress, wincing as you take the lace of your underwear off of your ass.

Matty's on top of you the next second, his cock at the entrance of where you need him most. "You know, I shouldn't even give you my cock. Only good girls deserved to get fucked."

"No! no no no! Please. I need you, I need you so bad." Tears flow down your cheeks.

Matty enters you suddenly, filling you to the hilt. He gives you no time to adjust to his size as he begins pounding into you. "Fine. I'll give you my cock." He groans out. "But I'm going at my fucking pace and you're going to take it."

His hips move rapidly, thrusting into you hard. All you can do is wrap your legs around his waist and dig your nails into his back. The moans that leave your mouth are desperate. Your cries fill the room, along with the sounds of skin meeting skin. Matty's pace is near animalistic.

Matty flips your over so you're on your stomach. You don't have the strength to hold yourself up, completely pliant on the bed. "Poor thing can't hold herself up? Thought you wanted me to fuck you?" he groans, continuing his fierce pace. The new position allows him to go even deeper into your cunt. It's all becoming too much.

"Matty-" you cry. "It's too much- I can't"

"Take it. Be my good girl and take my cock. You were fucking made for me." One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling your up so your back is up against his chest. He uses his other hand to hold onto the headboard of the bed, steadying himself so he can thrust into you even faster.

"Matty- shit I can feel you in my stomach- fuck-" At your words, his hand shifts lower on your waist, pressing over where his cock bulges in your stomach.

"Yeah? You feel that?" He presses down harder, making a whine leave your throat. "Only I can do this to you. Your cunt is made for my cock." You moan out in agreement, drawing closer and closer to orgasm, and Matty is getting close too. "You gonna come for me? Gonna milk my cock?"

"Yes- yes sir- please."

"Go on then come for me." When he speeds up the pace of his hips, you're a goner, falling into the waves of an orgasm. The pleasure overwhelms you, pulsing through your veins. You cry out his name over and over again as he fucks you though it.

Matty is not far behind. It only takes a few more thrusts before he cums inside of you, filling you up deep inside. As soon as he's finished, he practically collapses on top of you. He takes the time to trail kisses on the back of your neck as you catch your breath and come back down to earth.

"You did good for me, baby. Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's my girl. Let me take care of you now."

[n0n-sen-se]

bats my pretty eyelashes at you

Sen I have a request!!

Im still sick could I mayhaps have some agnsty comfort headcannons with my fave boys Sanemi and Rengoku?

Thank you Sen!! 🫶🏾

-🍷

mayhaps you absolutely can anon! i present to you:

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐒/𝐎 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬!

includes ;; sanemi, rengoku, gn!reader content ;; angst, hurt/comfort a/n ;; i flatlined writing this so- anyway, considering i had no idea how to start these for a good minute; i think they're pretty good (!?) also sorry for writing so much (wanted to get it just right)so i can hope?

☆☆☆ # sanemi shinazugawa !

gets nervous. extremely nervous- and angry, to the point that he's shaking with anxiety.

at first, the sight of you bedridden makes him frown. and he'll do it often too.

he's lost a ton of people he cares about, your not going to be next.

although he tries to act angry, or short with you sometimes. . . its just to cover up the fact that he's terrified of losing you. (or the prospect of it)

he'd like to be next to you at any given moment, grabbing you warm food and tucking you in to the point you can't squirm out. anything. but he just- he can't

hell, he'd take the pain from you if he could, without an ounce of hesitation. . . but he can only watch and wait. . . until you get better.

but most times he physically can't be there.

the nights he has to be away from you, he's carrying out missions for the corps and cutting/beating down anyone that gets in his way.

everyone feels his uncertainty and rage:

in the way he overkills those poor lesser demons, the way he shoves the kakushi out of his way, and going as far as fighting another hashira over it

like his violent outbursts- it's literally out of his control, on top of the fact that he can barely care for you himself when you need him most.

what was the point of getting so strong? those years of training. what was the point if he was so helpless?

when he gets the chance too (after a long night of work that has his muscles seizing) he'll climb into bed with you and just hold you.

listening to your unsteady breathing, and when he's sure your in a deep sleep, he'll cry.

soundlessly, but his body is shuddering with silent pain. . . and he's trying not to let his tears fall on you but. . . he's really:

❛sorry. i'm so sorry❜

eventually, he feels he owes it to you to explain all of his frustrations, and worries.

he waits until you wake up, waiting the whole night without budging or even thinking about falling asleep.

and when you wake up, he whispers it to you, hugging you tightly so you can't see his eyes watering up or his teeth grinding against each other. he feels like an entire idiot explaining it to you.

afterwards, takes a deep (shaky) breath and kisses you tiredly. who cares if he gets sick too, he's too tired to care.

☆☆☆ # kyojuro rengoku !

he's been around sickness.

he knows the signs. and he knows how to treat most things; come fevers, chills, aches, he can handle it.

what he can't handle, is how it makes him so uneasy.

when you get sick, its one of the few times you ever see him so serious and solemn.

feeding you, helping you bathe, cuddling up to you for body heat and comfort. anything you need, he'll try to be a whim away.

kyojuro knows a bad morale won't do any good for you, so, like always, he'll try to be the ray of sunshine you need. . .

but it breaks his heart every time.

when your sore throat breaks, when you groan from the aches, wince at the pain in your head. . . the fact you can never be comfortable despite everything he tries.

you'll see it too. in his face. the slight knot in his brows, the way his lips are pressed tightly together.

he's just so helpless, forced to watch and wait while your health is on the line.

kyojuro goes in and out of your room, fetching water for you, or soup- whatever helpful excuse he can make up- to go somewhere quiet and cry his heart out.

like the snap of his fingers, he's a little kid all over again. it reminds him so much of his mother.

its hard to pull himself together. he's rarely cried so hard before, so he sucks at covering it up. (his eyes would be puffy and his nose a little runny) at that point you'd think he was sick too

he always tries to hold you hand, squeezing you palm tightly in his. and he hopes its as reassuring to you as it is to him.

because he needs it to.

falls asleep next to you from exhaustion. (he's sitting next to you, head resting on the mattress) and somehow wakes up at the slightest noise you make-- despite his ear being partially deaf.

he always goes the extra mile to get your medicine, dedicated to you and your health.

tries to remind himself that it will be okay (and he tells you that often to) but it can hardly shake the worry and dread off his heart.

[quirkle2]

love your mogami arc thoughts… do you think there’s a parallel between the irrationality of mogami’s actions and how ritsu acts in big cleanup arc? Like neither of them make sense really but it doesn’t have to because it’s an expression of deep seated stress and guilt

[context]

it took a couple of watches for me to actually Get cleanup arc, but i do think clean up arc makes sense. maybe not from a logical point of view, but given ritsu's history of trauma and perfectionism, pressure to never act out or upset his brother for obvious reasons, and desperation for control in his own life, i think ritsu's actions made sense. they were Terrible actions, and they definitely go against the logic and hindsight of an outsider's perspective, but it was all the result of that stress and guilt and secretive hatred toward an aspect of his brother that caused it, and maybe a little bit of grief for a sibling relationship he wishes was still intact

u make a rly interesting point tho, bc Yeah, on your first watch, neither of these guys make sense to you. at least they didn't for me. i understood part of ritsu's reasonings at the beginning, but it sorta delved into... quoting ritsu, "violence for the sake of violence." and honestly??? i don't know Why ritsu's arc is sm more compelling to me than mogami's, bc rly, they're very similar in that way

at least it seems that way? im,,, honestly convinced the exposition for mogami arc was just,, rushed, or incomplete for whatever reason, bc it feels So Close to making sense, but it's just missing a couple of pieces. ritsu's arc has more substance to it, i think. i believe the biggest difference here is that mogami blamed other people for his misfortune, and didn't see anything wrong w what he was doing. ritsu made no such excuses. he Knew what he was doing was wrong, and he kept doing it. and that, to me, is Fascinating

even ritsu's "violence for the sake of violence" motive makes some sort of sense to me. he said it himself: "i was just tired of being myself. maybe i wanted to find out what it would feel like to be a fool." when u break it down, it's him exploring.... other options. until 7th division arc, he's of the mindset that if he had psychic powers he'd be Better, in all aspects, that he's nothing without psychic powers. he puts his entire identity and self-worth on having the abilities of an ESPer

now that he has them, he feels limitless, he feels unstoppable. he's so tired of being himself, of being perfect, of being the well-behaved younger brother w perfect grades and perfect attitude (bc let's face it, he's definitely a gifted kid, and gifted kids tend to develop habits of perfectionism, and eventually become exhausted). so he switches tactics, to find out what it would feel like to be a fool.

i honestly think cutting mogami's messy backstory and making him "evil" for the sake of being "evil" woulda been better. im sure not everyone agrees w me on that, and i can absolutely see why, but sometimes simple is "better" (imo). an underdeveloped villain is better, to Me, than a villain that is trying too hard to have a compelling motive. mogami's character feels like it is trying too hard, and branching out in too many directions, and it ends up just feeling,, stretched thin

i like shimazaki more than mogami. hell, i like shimazaki more than Any of the villains, and we all Know it's not because he has a good backstory (or one at all). he's not even very compelling to me, i just think he's cool, and i'll forever be stoked about how they let a character use teleportation powers right for once. sometimes simple is better

i'm not a fan of any of mob psycho's other villains, but they serve their purpose, and yaknow what, mogami serves his. i think seeing him as an "unreliable narrator" instead is a rly fun way of looking at it

[spacebunniezzz]

I asked about some littlest pet shops I saw in a group because I want to collect more of them and the person said the prices of the ones I picked out so I calculated and it was around 300 bucks which if I was rich maybe I'd be down with but for the amount of ones I picked out it didn't look right to me. I think the prices of LPS are absolutely disgusting and I personally don't care what others have to say.

I don't like saying this but I'm kind of embarrassed by the community because they think those prices are okay and it feels like not many people say anything about it even though the prices are ridiculous no matter the excuses. I don't care if the animal is popular or not, it doesn't justify the price especially for a single LPS just because some sells a shorthaired cat for 40 bucks plus shipping just because it's a popular pet doesn't mean that price for it should be okay.

I have also seen people sell multiple littlest pet shops (or multiple IN BOX) for the same price as just one out of box littlest pet shop and it makes no sense whatsoever. I saw a person try and sell an exclusive littlest pet shop for around 600 bucks! Are y'all not embarrassed or ashamed with those prices? Like these are tiny plastic toys that I could find for a much better price if I thrifted somewhere. They have no reason for being that expensive whether thats 40 or 400 or more.

I get maybe an exclusive one being a bit pricier like 60 maybe because its exclusive but I'm just tired of the price and how so many people in the community are okay with the prices knowing what they used to cost.

And it makes me sad and peeved because I love these toys and I want to buy more but im sick and tired of the prices and people acting like those prices are okay because they aren't, it's like buying a bag of chips for 7 bucks when there isn't a lot of chips because of shrinkflation but it feels worse.

These are small plastic toys that fit in the palm of my hand, this isn't a doll with hair, fashion etc. These are tiny toys. The prices are NOT okay for them. I am upset and embarrassed that something so many love is making people be greedy.

Also I don't want anyone to bully others over the prices of them however I think the prices should be called out and I think we shouldn't let gross prices for pieces of small plastic get away with being okay or normal because it's not.

[northsealight]

Hey, when you said RHATO Jason is the worst version on your last ask, were you referring to the first comic, second comic, or the Webtoon? (Honestly annoyed the Webtoon took that name, makes things even more confusing)

I have problems with all 3 (Webtoon most of all for sure, with the second and first switching places behind it based on what characters or plots I’m thinking about tbh), but I was just curious haha

oh. oh. oh you're not ready for this. I've been trying this entire week to find a good time to air out my thoughts:

so! in my opinion (again, this is not shaming anyone for liking what they like! if you happen to like RHATO!jason all the more power to you! dont read this!) all three reiterations of RHATO!Jason .. are not great. the one I think might have potential to be salvaged is the second one with Artemis and bizarro! (although roy harper is in my heart of hearts)

the way Jason is written in rhato... the rhato written by Scott Lobdell anyway, (who is actually a sexual predator and when you start to think even a LITTLE about how the women are written in RHATO makes so much sense) portrays Jason as yet another cookie cutter anti-hero-deadpool-esque personality who's mainly confined by the narrative restraints of his character.

I say this because hes so.... the way he goes about his vigilantism is so .. shallow. It's like the narrative is finding excuses to make him violent so the reader can be stimulated with Michale Bay explosions lol. You hardly see any stories in there where Jason is an actual champion for the people, and you hardly see his background as a street kid come into play... its like... he became... a vigilante because....he knows how the system can fail those... alienated and forgotten by those sworn to protect them... and thus channels his energy into said people through acts of radical protection... (also because the whole bruce thing yeah I know)

I keep thinking about injustice!Jason's monologue where he literally says something along the lines of "while bruce and clark were fighting I fought for the people who were being caught up in the whole thing" like if that doesn't just tell you who he is idk what will! and sure, injustice isn't Jason source material, so look at under the red hood! he literally becomes a drug kingpin TO CONTROL crime ... and then instead of getting these immense shows of care he has for the community in RHATO, we get panels like this:

like ok get it I guess 😭😭😭😭

this is the new and improved Jason!! he's suave.. hes American... he's... just like every other antihero now!!

I don't know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot- best bet is to read the comics yourself to kinda get what im saying! but even rebirth Jason is (kind of) getting what RHATO Jason doesn't-- he's a product of his huge heart. rebirth Jason has countless stories where we see how Jason ACTUALLY operates as red hood, and what his symbol means to the citizens of Gotham!

if you pour too much grit and "edginess" into Jason, then you kind of miss what he's all about- he can still be silly and sarcastic! in fact, one of my favorite Jason moments is from red hood: lost days, a series where he's portrayed as an edgy, "misfit" ruffian:

like. hello this is hilarious. and we can still have moments like these while balancing his emotional range as a vigilante that's motivated by his big fat heart! (ignoring the fact that he slept with Talia in the next issue 😭 Jason fans can't have shit 😭)

but anyway! ill likely add more when I'm not feeling so tired, but god!! is it so hard to show Jason's propensity for kindness!! is it so hard to realize that his character to the core is revolved around a deep understanding for others based on personal experience!!

there's a reason why DC (in the rare moments when they know what to do with his character) always writes stories with Jason consoling children, or Jason being good with kids in dangerous situations!

it's because he's been there before. he's felt the grief and confusion of being helpless in a situation of his control. he's felt the consequences of adults who were supposed to protect and raise him! he's been killed for daring to cling on to the notion of trust even after all he's been through!

and I don't know, I think his dedication to the people, children especially, is his way of forgiving himself- his way of telling little Jason that it wasn't his fault.

[snekdood]

idk i think that realization was the straw that finally broke the camels back for me (which, tbh, for my own sake, it should have broken way sooner, but I digress) i've always been disturbed by the unquestioning support my abuser gets on here, even when those people just dont know better- I cant sit here and keep pretending with you to see this great misunderstood person you apparently see, all I see is the person who abused me and got away with it. I cant keep trying to deny reality just to appease people who would probably always make up reasons to hate me anyways. I dont see what you see- thats what I saw in the beginning when I didn't know better, but I know who they are and im tired of trying to go along with you that they're just this sad poor abused person and thats why they do problematic things and its fine actually. like. no. they know they need to do better. they know they need to be honest. they know they need to be a better person. idgaf what they went through as a kid that doesnt excuse shit. they still have to try to be better to other people. whatever.

I thought I could try to tolerate it and just create my own space and in a way I have but this website has been so stained by what is essentially the abuse people online have put me through and the abuse they enabled by going along with my abuser. I feel so betrayed by so many people and it hurts and im tired of ignoring that pain for the sake of trying to see something you see that I already know is just an illusion. I cant pretend with you anymore. they're not a poor innocent uwu baby at all they know better and should fucking act like it.

i'll probably post videos i watch every now and then but that's probably most of the engagement i'm going to give on here for now and maybe forever. I cant be around people who deny an important part of reality that effects me. im tired of sacrificing acknowledging my own pain to try to understand how you see them. my pain is worth acknowledging and healing from and idgaf if that means I have to see them through the shit lens now- they fucking deserve it quite frankly and im tired of letting people try to hold me back from it. i'm too disturbed by the reality of this situation and having to face the fact so many people believe someone ik is abusive and then try to say im the one whos actually abusive and try to shut down any feelings or anything I have to think about the situation to secure and maintain my abusers steady flow of validation while im constantly shit on.

[liauditore]

oh my god. its funny how there's 2 scotts and one of them i just adore, he's like a dad for me and i always there to watch his vods (bc i sleep while he's streaming)

and the other one..... um.... i'm not saying that he's bad, but i don't really likes him. he maybe good, but its not for me

and you're saying that they like similar to each other... i'm not seeing it (maybe bc im not watching one of them, lol), but i'll wait to read your opinion on this c:

- 🔥

LMAO YEAH. non-american timezones are mad unfair, I rarely catch streams at all 😔😔

regarding mister shmajor:

"...a bit too bitchy for your taste?" :J

but yeah impulse has such incredible dad energy!! i think it's rlly cute you think of him that way 😭😭

i will probably talk abt it more in the coming days or so cus I've been rotating impulse in my mind quite a bit of recent, but since you've given me an excuse...... (scott/impulse parallels and brainrot thoughts under the cut) (i think it's only me who sees these but yanno. fun)

for the record this is specifically life series scott and impulse but i tend to incorporate elements of other series into my headcanons too 👍

they're both:

very logic-orientated people. they tend to gravitate towards looking for the solution that makes the most sense rather than acting on instinct.

the designated "responsible one" in their respective groups, a role neither of them really asked for but kind of just ended up finding themselves in. it's not that either of them Hate having to be the responsible one but they certainly tire of it at times.

^ because of that, they also tend to somewhat isolate from said groups when things go wrong cus they're used to relying on themselves instead of looking for help. think (former) dogwarts impulse.

i joked abt this with the screenshot already lol but both of them have a bitchy streak. impulse's is alot less talked about and tends to be "tamer" than scott's but it's definitely there (it's more noticeable when skizz is nearby)

both can hold grudges FOREVER while acting like they couldn't care less.

when they're freed from that "responsible one" role, they both tend to enter this freaky gremlin mode where they start giggling and pulling dumb pranks.

they're both smooth-talkers who can hide their real emotions really well ESPECIALLY compared w/ other ppl in the series. sometimes they do it on purpose other times it's almost more of an instinctual thing.

the key difference is that impulse is more emotionally mature than scott. scott closes himself off in fear of being vulnerable while impulse is always to sit down with you and have a heart-to-heart. impulse has "settled down" a lot more, so to speak, and isn't quite as dramatic or in need of attention or approval.

it results in impulse feeling like a lot warmer of an individual, he's not intimidating because he's not trying to be (even though he very much has the ability).

anyway uh i rlly want to write or draw some sort of one shot where impulse takes scott under his wing a bit. i think they'd be good for eachother's character development is all.

[wegonbealright-09]

ur very much a hater lmao 😭. and last anon was right, yoongi was the one who said the bb hot 100 thing, jk has neverrr said anything about his goals on that chart, even as a group, only celebrated their success after the fact, so not sure where you're getting this "sudden obsession" from. as a matter of fact, jimin has talked more ab his goals for bb than him. and he should ! theres nothing wrong with explicitly stating your goals especially when you make fire ass music that deserves to be number one, its called manifestation and putting their wants into the world. your issue is that you see the 10% of the member's lives that they choose to show us and come up with these narratives to feed your own delusions about how you feel about them and their personalities. bitter ab yoongi going on tour like it has anything to do with his enlistment ? HUH 😭😭? 2+2= fish in your head too ig. and you saying joon being bitter bc he wants to be acknowledged for the work he does... ??? see im typing this out and its just not making sense. he's always done that before they even got instagram, AS HE SHOULD because it's HIS work and if he wants to make a post ab writing some lyrics then he can and you saying he's bitter for doing that is extremely odd. as for tae, be fucking fr lol. u sound like the type to get mad if a member didnt make a happy birthday post like they dont have each others literal phone numbers and addresses. and tae did support jimin's solo songs multiple times on weverse, but you ignore that bc it doesnt fit your narrative. get out your mind, take a walk outside, and come to the realization that you dont know these people and making up these negative narratives ab their personalities is oddball behaviour to say the least. and lastly, joon and suga have nothing to be bitter about. theyre part of the biggest group in the world. their albums are critically acclaimed. this second chapter of bts has brought out the worst in people like you because you constantly try to make it a competition between the members, and theyre not letting you do that bc they actually support each other and congratulate each other in their accomplishments, whether they post it online for fans to see or not. at the end of the day bts trumps all, which is what all 7 members have said and have been saying🤷🏾‍♀️and people like you are just gonna have to suck it up or unstan bc the negativity and d! ck measuring contests are not it and goes against anything bts have ever said about each other.

Anon I should let you write my history essays you know, :⁠-⁠)

Me a hater? Excuse me?

You anon you are the type that goes to posts about jimin stans and qrt " jimin would hate y'all, he's die for his members and put you on fire" every time they trust to address the injustice but okay.

Jk has talked about the billboard he's not even manifesting he knows it it'll lend on his lap because scooter has made sure if that. That man doesn't even shit about his upcoming album he doesn't know shit he's just going to accept it and move on like he did with seven. And lmfao. I'm not obsessed with jk, I've had this blog for such a long time but i didn't post anything I only followed people and interacted in post you can click to see which posts I've liked and who do I follow. But anon I got tired of everyone here acting ignorant like they don't see what's going on, like " yhea we've got some jikook crumbs let's not address the payola and fraud that is going on". I'm not obsessed far from it, this dude lately just pops up in feed and annoys the fuvk out of me, something he's never did before. And also jk is chart obsessed lately even some of his fans can see you don't fine by me.

Jimin never talked about his BB goals like what do you mean. That man wanted to release face as a free album on sound cloud because he felt like this is his story and he wants fans, and everyone to be able to hear it and relate and see the world from his point of view, so you tell me anon you tell me. Jimin didn't even think that like crazy was going to number on he was impressed with how well smf pt2 did because guess what he didn't expect that as well. So idk what you tryna say anon.

I agree I don't know what's going on with their lives. I didn't say I'm telling the truth here or some like that my posts are based on my opinions and observations. If me not agreeing with what most of y'all think is being called delusional girl I've been delulu i still think jimin is going to release and album with Bruno Mars as a featured artist or him and Bruno are going to pay homage to MJ someday so yhea I am delulu.

Birthdays are no big deals I myself I don't celebrate my own birthday and just like jimin I give zero fucks about my birthday. Okay anon I admit I was wrong it's okay for ones best friend to not congratulate him on social media platforms when he had just did the impossible and made history and decides to do so privately only when it comes to them, it's totally okay.

I'm not even going to talk about yoongi and Joon because this I've said what I've said. I'm not backtracking you can go throw yourself off a cliff idc

I thought you said everyone's entitled to their own opinion but now that I'm expressing mine I must touch some grass and take a walk. How about you snap back to reality huh? As I've said if when you see BTS you see rainbows sunshine's and clouds that's okay but I don't and I'm not tryna force my opinions on people I'm just saying what I think and feel and I might be wrong idc it's just how I feel.

Anon I'm not laughing I swear. You know I'm not a hater I've said that in the second chapter there's been a shift in the group's energy and I'm standing on that. Your last sentences wooo anon you're the one to say what I'm doing goes against what bts have said to each other. So is what's jk is going with the fraud and payola but I don't see you ranting and calling him out, he's going against everything that BTS has ever believed in, the legacy they've created, the image they've built. For what? A few records that some western artist is going to break again with more payola than him. If you look as scooters old interviews about Gangnam Style and all. Jk is just a puppet to his show, he hates jimin more than he's ever did because he has a break through in the western market as soloist without his help, he sis what he could do with Gangnam even after all that promotion on his own with little to no promotion

But hey this is just my opinion I don't want to sound" obsessed" so this is the last time I'm talking about jk.

Anon neither you know what's going on behind closed doors but if you like to act ignorant fine by me my opinion and yours are different anyway thank you for visiting my blog and having the nerve to tell me to touch some grass on my own blog smh

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

This isn’t trauma related but I didn’t have anyone else to speak to. It’s about friendship.

I have a best friend who idk if I wanna be friends with her anymore.

Idk how it’s taken me so long to see her “red flags” but now that I noticed them & they’ve been pointed out by others I can’t push them out of my head.

To sum it up

- she acts differently around other ppl / don’t like how she is around others. She changes a lot to please others & kinda ignores me while in big group settings

- disregards my needs / we went on a trip together & I have dietary needs & when I expressed wanting to go to a cafe that accommodates me she basically said no & made it such a big deal that I wanted to go EAT

- she takes forever to reply to my texts messages when my texts are about important life stuff & no offense but hers are just boy issues… I’m always there for her regardless but I just can’t help but be a little bitter that I’m there for her for anything & she replies to my important messages as an afterthought

- she never makes an effort to hang out. She always claims she’s busy but she’s of course never busy when it comes to making time for men who treat her like shit / for friends who are more party people

- she literally never remembers anything of importance I’ve spoken to her about / is a bad listener

The reason I keep the friendship is because she’s the only person I’ve met who I’ve felt intellectually compatable with. She seemed so deep & real at first. But now I feel like it’s not enough.

Yes we can relate to a lot of life hardships we went through but I just don’t see any substance there anymore. Im kinda just tired of her shit & how I’m always second for her.

But then I feel bad for thinking this way because she does see me as her best friend. Idk I’m stuck on whether I want to stay her friend or not. But I’m not good at confrontation either so I’d never tell her how she’s hurt me. Which I know to her isn’t fair but I can already hear the excuses she’ll come up with. She never takes accountability for anything.

Thanks for listening <3

Hi anon, I'm sorry you're experiencing this right now and to me, from what you've shared, you're experiencing (at best) a one sided friendship - and (at worst) a potentially toxic one. Whether this friend is consciously aware of their actions or not, it's understandable why it would impact you this way - and why it wouldn't feel particularly encouraging to try to have a conversation around the behaviors if these go unnoticed by them. I'm including some articles about signs of unhealthy friendships, an infographic script for communicating ending (if you'd like to do that instead of ghosting), and other ways to end friendships. Sometimes the most mature thing to do is to have a closure conversation, while sometimes, it's about safety and absolutely necessary to cut ties immediately, and often times a fade out approach is warranted. But which one would work best for this particular situation can only be decided by you.

Regardless of how you move forward, you deserve friendships that add to your life, not drain your energy, and I hope you find mutually respectful, rewarding, and healthy relationships in your near future.

Mod Kat

[forcebookish]

hello bestie, i'm trying my best to stay away from twt fights so i had to come rant to you since you're the only one who really #getsit. oh i hate the way things were dealt with in this episode like... i want to scream and punch a wall. it's actually for the best that mew acted the way he did with ray bc he would be in their stans' mouths forever if he didn't but i HATE IT SO MUCH. first of all, i genuinely hate ray so much. the way he treats EVERYONE is so horrible. it's nothing new that he knows no boundaries, but to keep seeing him crossing everyone's and no one ever calling him out makes me so fucking crazy - and then you see people calling out the others characters for less. wasn't people acting like top was the worst just two days ago for going after mew? what the fuck was that scene of ray invading sand's space and "oh just punch me" his self deprecating excuses pisses me off so bad it's unreal he really needs to be clocked. and then, the way he YELLED at mew for not wanting to have sex? oh we'd never hear the end of it if top had done that, by the way they still talk as if that first time they had sex he was manipulating mew somehow. like literally what the fuck was that?? mew should've knocked him down but i guess he's too good of a friend for that. and then he simply FORGIVES HIM and says what he was doing was just like top when EXCUSE YOU IT WAS NOT????? if we don't even touch the subject of that being AN ASSAULT, what happened between top and boston would never be similar to what ray was doing with mew and sand. he was purposefully going after sand and not giving a fuck about mew's feelings. and also the way he just showed up uninvited at sand's trailer like FUCK OFFFFF BROOO I WANNA SCREAM I HATE HIM SO MUCHHHHH HE'S GENUINELY THE WORST CHARACTER EVER AND THE WAY I KNOW PEOPLE WILL IGNORE EVERYTHING AND THINK THE SR SCENES ARE CUTE AND OH HE'S LOOKING FOR HELP 🥰🤩 oh my god i'm so stressed he once again got away with whining and saying oh im sorry and crossing everyone's boundaries and the writing lowkey just brushed this off again... imagine how tired we are imagine

oof i think i could go on like this for hours but that's a long message already sorry to vent at you but i had to put it out there... mwah

hi, friend!!! YEAH THAT WAS A LOT and i mean the episode, not you because you're RIGHT. you said everything on my mind oh my god. that was sooooooooo annoying.

and i really thought that top explained everything to cheum and she heard him out? i can't believe she's still pissed at him after he helped mew and bailed them out.

i guess the drama really is just going to gloss over the fact that top was assaulted and coerced??? while ray gets off scot-free despite going out of his way to sleep with someone else? after SHOUTING at mew for not sleeping with him? i can't even IMAGINE top ever doing that!!! did ray even apologize?

ray is such a fucking dirtbag!!! and we had to see mew apologize for something that was ray's fault AGAIN, forgive him AGAIN. it's fucking infuriating!!!!!!!

just

AND ALL THAT ONLY TO TAKE AWAY A TOPMEW RECONCILIATION WITH STUPID FUCKING BOEING

thanks for stopping by!!! i hope it helped you keep from twitter fights haha💗💗

[iantimony]

tuesday!

hello tuesday :) i'm going to start crossposting these onto my dreamwidth also just so i have a non-tumblr log of my weekly updates. please friend me on dreamwidth i would love an excuse to move platforms more

listening: OH i listened to SO much this week. i tuned in to my spotify release radar thing and it was a great idea to get exposed to some new music from artists i already know i like! i also peeped the discover weekly one a bit

i haven't listened to the newest paramore album in full but 'running out of time' was on the release radar playlist and i really really like the sounds! it feels very st vincent-y to me in a way that i wasn't expecting from paramore so i wonder if that was a conscious influence at all? or if they were both separately influenced by the same sources? it's really good though. i dont remember following shakey graves but they also rule i've been jamming to the whole album 'deadstock' which i think is just a collection of some of their more popular tracks? plus some live recordings. and tom rosenthal makes me cry still

from discover:

and then i found memi through...instagram reels i think? instagram has unfortunately nailed the type of music they should serve me to get clicks so i do. keep clicking them. anyways i love her

reading: quantum :V

oh wait actually i do have reading this week! i re-opened the slowly app (i downloaded it years ago but stopped using it at some point), which is a real-time penpal app - you can send letters to random people in the world, and it will send in "real time" as if you were actually mailing a letter! so i opened it and the app went oh? you're active? cool! and i started getting letters! so i got one from a guy in morocco, which i replied to right away, and also one in mandarin which i have NOT replied to right away because i had to spend like an hour translating it rip. out of five i put my mandarin proficiency at a 2 on my profile but honestly that may be too high oops. ah well. it'll be cool to try and get my mandarin back up to snuff! it'll also be a great way to learn things like idioms and other stuff that doesn't show up as often in traditional learning materials.

for example, phrase that i learned is 畅所欲言, chang4 suo3 yu4 yan4, which is a standard four-character idiom that means to speak without inhibitions or to just frankly speak your mind. i have like a full two pages of new words and phrases that i had to look up to read the letter which is awesome!

the letter from morocco was very cool and like...poetry adjacent? which im not sure if it's just because of a translation quirk - he said his english isn't the best - but i dunno. "I am writing to you because writing is a companion of the tired". anyways.

watching: i started watching evangelion with my partner!! we did ... i think about five episodes last week? it owns. this is the first time in a really long time that i've, like...gone blind into a media? my only exposure to eva has been through out-of-context memes (shinji get in the robot) and i feel like a lot of the time with TV shows i tend to read the wikipedia page before watching to see if it's really worth it :") i've never really cared about spoilers or whatever because honestly if it's a good enough show it won't really matter if i know what's going to happen or not, it's more about How it happens and how it's shot/framed/acted/etc. but i have zero context for eva and im very much enjoying it! i wasn't expecting the body horror at all it rules

making: making good progress on my embroidery project! this photo is from about two weeks ago but it's the most recent one i have and honestly haven't done THAT much more. i just finished filling that vertical headphone cord in with red, started some other headphone cord...after that all i have left is the letters (rip) and then doing maybe some sort of sashiko stitch/cross hatching as fill for the hair? like some spaced out x patterns in a grid or something like that. because i'm sure as shit not doing a satin or brick stitch to fill all that in and i think it'll still look good that way.

im also finishing up valentines gifts to mail to people :3

misc: hgg. quantum midterm on march 2. it is Rapidly approaching and im very nervous about it but in a VERY different way - this semester he's having the exams be open note and open book, which could be really good or really really bad. on the plus side i dont have to drive myself insane memorizing equations on flash cards again, most of my studying will probably be uber-familiarizing myself with the layout of the notes so i know where to reference things and also copying out things from online that might be relevant. on the minus side it means i have really no clue on how hard this exam will be. pain.

research is going. i feel like im sooo close to getting shit to work. however i am also experiencing research fomo because a prof that i didnt even know existed gave a presentation on her group for potential new students and i went wait wow that fucks. sigh. i think that's all for this week gang, gonna crosspost to dreamwidth after lunch!

[hangezoeenthusiast]

well hello anyone who is actually on tumblr and hasnt forgotten about me. ive been offline for a year or so, had personal issues in my life, and also started high school so i wanted to focus on that. life update:

- im in 10th grade now :)) high school isnt that bad and there actually isnt as much fights as there was in past years. also im in a lot of advanced classes now

- i got new friends, and dumped my old ones(they were toxic)

- got into some new fandoms(call of duty, genshin[sorta i barely tolerate some people, I just try to play the game without interacting with the fandom], tmnt[i’ve always loved it], and others that I can't rlly think about rn

- got my working permit today :D after new years I'm gonna look for a job

- well I figured out I'm trans now (f-t-m), after years of question my gender and making excuses, I'm also pansexual :)

- the name I want my legal name to be is kaisen(kai is just a nickname and I dont use j anymore)

- body image stuff, sucks to suck but I'm trying everyday, slowly

- i actually have a girlfriend, we have been together for 3 months, and known each other for around 1 or 2 years. We are long distance(she lives in another country), time zones suck, but we make it work. We also met on genshin, so i guess i owe the game for that.

- im teaching myself how to draw, and also have been reading a lot of books lately

- family life isnt the best, im not gonna elaborate, but i just try to ignore it

it seems like a dream with how i acted a year ago. i seemed way more immature than what i do act now. i was so innocent i guess you could say, and i guess you could also say that i was just figuring myself out. and as im sitting in my bed, listening to The Neighborhood, im reminiscing. i do miss the friends that i had before i dropped them, and i really wish that i didnt push everyone away whenever i was in a depressive episode, but its the past. if i cant get over the past i’ll never be able to move on into the future. im just so glad that past me could get that experience of exploring themselves and meeting new people. also i was very very cringey i realize now, i feel like i was acting a sort of way to get recognition from people.

well anyways i dont think i’ll be writing anything anytime soon, i dont feel the passion i used to back then. maybe someday, but not today, and not the next. also thank you for 300 followers, that might not seem alot compared to other people, but it is for me. also thank you for all the support with the dsmp stuff even tho i stopped writing about them. i rlly didnt expect my stuff to blow up like that :))

well signing off:

kaisen(kai), have a fantastic day/night 😊

(ps: ive never deleted tumblr, and i was reading fanfics on here, i just was being lazy and didnt feel like responding to messages and updating my profile 😉 so to all the people who commented on my posts, i wasnt ignoring u, im too tired and my brain cells are the equivalent of 1 at the moment, but i’ll try to respond)

[aerick-cosmic-cauldron]

Worked one day as a Waiter/ Washing dishes/ moving shit around

It left me dead, im so physically weak... Like girl... I need to eat more omg.

Anyways imma start writing some mistakes i made and what to do to prevent them of happening again

1. As a waiter i almost burn a old granny. I was supposed to serve her hot water for her tea. i saw that the fucking tea pot was not closed correctly and instead of fixing it and just close it correctly i said to myself "bitch if they see me closing the shit rn they gonna be like: you should've closed it before you get near the people. and they gonna scream at me about it" So ikept going nervously and conflicted and served tea to the granny, but ofc the hot water started spilling, and almost burned the poor old woman.

Basically i just got lost in my head instead of focusing on making shit the right way, i just focused on how to not look incompetent, and someone almost got hurt by this shit. I instantly thought of how i did not play my part in trying to save my mom properly because i got lost in my head... I need to stop doing that. I need to ask help to other people if im emotionally unstable, i need to think and ask about others people's need before i do shit or don't do shit that may directly affects them somehow.

2. As i was moving heavy shit, someone asked me a favor and instead of saying "sorry I can't help I'm too busy" i said "sure lemme try" and then fucking forgot about it and let them hanging.

Bitch just fucking say no. If you say yes at least say something like "sorry i tried, but I'm afraid i cannot help" instead of vanishing and let them be waiting... Ugh so uneducated.

3. As a waiter, i went away from people too hardhly, i should have "it's great to hear, hope you enjoy it, excuse me" or some hsit like that

4. As i was washing the dishes, i waited too much time in pretending to not be scared and tired. And tried to push myself to the limit. I ended up acting extremely clumsy and very inefficient.

Bitch be more conscious of your needs, ask to go the bathroom if you're too nervous. Ask for food if you are hungry or demand a minute to go buy some. Stop pretending and posing bitch just ask on how to do shit and ask to receive instructions in small steps. Express your fear and anxiety to your coworkers so they know you are not just a dumb lazy bitch.

Now immma finish with positive shit

I got ahead of my coworkers and tested the chairs to see if they were opened properly, i was the only one who did it. I also got ahead off them when i went to pick a broom and was the only one who cleaned the floor after we moved heacy shit.

I saw tho very hot guys lifting heavy stuff, and they had deep voices and they had strong legs and i want one for me so bad omg. Anyways they were hot. I also ate a really nice sopu made by a hot guy, and i did thank him properly and in a cute/fag way.

I also made my coworkers laugh a lot by my absurd/grandiose sense of humor and silly jokes.

As waiter I redeemed myself of the clumsiness after eating and attending to my needs properly, one of my coworkers said "damn as soon as it got dark, you got fast" i said "oh yeah, when it gets dark i transform" i was thinking of sailor moon but these bitches laughed and talked about werewolfs and vampires and shit and i was like oh thats not- but well yess. And started feel confident and really impressed my coworkers with how fast i worked and how much i changed after lunch.

So yeah not everything was horrible, and mentally i was quite proud of myself for trying new shit. But also being scared and doing physical work left me exhausted vitch i slept for a while day to recover. Like i could not work in that shit every day. And pray for ppl who has no choice but to do so.

Today i cried about my mom, went to buy random shit to learn math and to decorate my room. And wrote this as the sun set...not the worst week I've had. And the hot guys really were a nice sight.

[acoyot33]

Monday 15th July 2024 1:09am

I wrote a new letter, shorter, more to the point. I re-read my old one and I need to stop talking so much and actually get to the point. Like damn.

I miss you still. I've been trying to not think about you but you're still there in the darkest crevices of my brain, lurking, jumping out in my dreams as a background character but i notice you and talk. Then suddenly the whole dream is about you. And I wake up with this empty feeling in my chest and I think "Why could that be?".

Then while doing something mundane like eating lunch I remember you, your face, how to spoke, the words, what you said.

You haunt me, Joe.

I'm so tired of loving and yearning for something who doesnt want me, its tiring, it hurts, it feels like im chasing my tail all day everyday, circles, circles, circles.

And no one even likes you! thats the worst part!! everyone i've ever spoken to now, yesterday, five fucking years ago, they told me 'good luck!' when i asked you out... I talk to people now and they said they hated your vibe and how you acted. YET, i still make excuses for you... I love you so so much. Its awful, its pathetic i know, i havent heard the end of it.

people tell me im wasting my time and i know!!!!!! i am !!!!! im wasting it. but for some reason i still believe theres something.

I'm so... lethargic. bored. im bored of this feeling.

I cant go a second without you popping into my mind, without seeing your goddamn name.

I'm gonna sleep and pray I feel better or that you call me.

i hope its the latter.