#im whining. drama ass bitch moment.

[jorrated]

i cant believe my semester starts tomorrow and ill need to go back to pretend to being neurotypical.

[brelione]

And It Felt Great To Be A Liar (700 Celebration)

Ok so I based this off of this prompt:Hi there! I hope you’re doing well. I just have a request for JJ maybank. Would you be able to write one where y/n is apart of the kooks and is dating Rafe and Jj and her hate eachother. One day everyone is at a party and JJ and y/n are fighting with eachother as usual in a bedroom and he pins her against the wall and all of a sudden they start kissing eachother and they end up having really rough sex against the wall or a desk in the room with lots of dirty talk, choking and JJ making y/n admit he fucks her better than her boyfriend and gets her to beg for him If you have any time to write it I would be very appreciative, thank you so much x 

and it really fit with the poll results for the celebration so enjoy this master piece <3

Warnings:Choking, Spanking, Bondage, Sub and Dom behavior, cheating, no condom, degrading, swearing.

Rafe’s arms were around your waist, his hot breath fanning against your neck as he nipped at the skin. “We should stay here tonight.”He suggested, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, his hands slipping under the thin material and onto your skin.

 “We cant, we already told Kelce and Top that we’d show.”You reminded him, peeling his hands away from you. He pouted, grabbing his keys. “Fine, we’ll play later.”He winked, opening his door and going down the stairs, shouting a goodbye to Wheezie and flipping off his dad.

 You cringed at his words, not looking forward to coming back after the party. You were getting bored of Rafe, there was really only so much of his drama that you could take. You were hoping he’d get bored of you soon too or maybe even move on to someone else and forget about you.

 But you stayed anyways, hoping he’d become less boring or maybe you’d stay around long enough to truly mean something to him. You followed him, sitting in the passengers seat of his truck. It reeked of alcohol and weed, his hand gipping your thigh. You rolled your eyes, looking out the window as he drove. 

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”He asked. You hummed, not replying. You grabbed his hand, resting your elbow on the arm rest. There wasnt much to look forward to these days. Nothing new, nothing fun, nothing interesting. The kook life got so boring so quick. 

Your only options on most days were to go golfing, shopping or a party if you were lucky. Everything was blurred together, feeling the exact same.He lifted his hand, pulling yours with it before pressing a kiss to your hand. It was a romantic gesture that you werent used to. 

He was like this at the beginning of the relationship, the romance slowly fading away as he became more obsessed with you instead of loving you. He was trying his best to convince you that he still loved you but you knew that you were just holding on to broken pieces at this point, wishing you had something different. 

You could hear the crashing of the waves, lifting your head and widening your eyes for a moment. The party was at Kelce’s beach house that wasnt really a house, it was really just a second mansion. You grinned at Rafe, sliding your phone in your pocket before hopping out of the truck, biting your tongue when he squeezed your ass.

 “Im gonna go look for Sar, okay?”You asked. He nodded, pulling you in for a quick kiss, watching as you jogged up the stairs. You could feel him watching you, slipping into a hallway and hoping for the best. You were sure that Sarah wasnt even at this party, it wasnt really her type of place. 

Sure, she was a party girl but even this was too much. You figured you should just lay low until Rafe was busy catching up with Kelce and Topper that he wouldnt notice if you went ot get yourself a drink. You werent in the mood for him to drag you over to his friend group and start bragging. 

You tested each door knob, searching for a bedroom or a bathroom for you to sit in for a while, grinning once one of them finally turned.      As soon as you were in the room you closed it behind you, locking it because you didnt feel like having your alone time interrupted by some drunk couple. 

As soon as you turned around you regretted it, seeing noone other than JJ Maybank shirtless in the middle of the room. He was staring back at you, stuck in place. You and JJ had problems that dated back to eighth grade. He had gotten into a huge fight with a kook and you were the only witness, watching as the boy hit JJ repeatedly in the ribs.

 JJ had eventually won the fight, blood running from his nose and staining his shirt, a layer of sweat covering his face as he stared at you. Since then he had nothing but anger and hate for you, giving you dirty looks in public and talking shit about you at parties. Of course you always found out about it. 

How he called you a whore, a gold digger and a bitch.  “Get out.”Was all he had to say, tossing his shirt onto the floor in the corner. It made a slight sloshing sound and you could only assume that he had bumped into someone and got something spilled on him. Or maybe he had been a bitch and got something thrown at him. 

“No.”You replied, staring back at him with a glare. He matched your energy, jaw clenching as he looked you up and down. “What are you hiding from, (Y/N)? You maniac of a boyfriend?”He asked, causing your blood to boil. Of course he was right but you’d never admit it. And of course Rafe was an absolute maniac but so was JJ and all of his friends.

 “He’s not a maniac, JJ.”You replied, knowing that it didnt sound right. You had never been great at lying. “Aww, thats cute that you try to stick up for your crazy boyfriend? If hes not a fucking maniac then explain what he did to Pope and I. You think a sane person would do that?”He asked.

 You stared back at him, biting the inside of your cheek as you tried to think of something to say. He shook his head, chuckling. “See, you cant even defend him anymore. God, I hope he fucking dumps your ass!”he exclaimed, letting out a sigh. You gulped, staring at him.

 “Shut up!”You shouted in response, only making him smirk. “Face it, (Y/N)!The boy you call your boyfriend is a shitty, disgusting person. You’re so much worse for being with him!”He shouted back at you. “Excuse me?”You asked, somehow surprised that he would say it to your face. 

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that fucking stupid. He’s using you and you know it. But you like being used, dont you?”He asked, causing you to go silent. For once you didnt know what to do or what to say. He was getting closer to you, gripping your wrists and pushing you against the door in a swift movement, your back hitting the wood hard. 

His eyes stayed on you, raising an eyebrow. “Answer the question, princess.”He demanded. You stared back at him, feeling his grip tighten. “Sometimes.”You replied, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he craved. 

“Dont lie to yourself, sweetheart. You’re a little maniac that likes to be used.”He spoke into your ear, leaning down and kissing you roughly.You were struggling to keep up, so much happening so fast. His hands were under your shirt, sloppy kisses being dragged up and down your neck. 

“Do you want me?”He asked you, fingernails digging into your skin. You nodded eagerly, feeling a sense of relief when he pulled you over and onto the bed, glad that you werent trapped against the wood surface. He didnt let you lay down, pushing you onto your knees as you stared up at him. 

He guided one of your hands to his belt, making you press against him before letting go, biting his lip as you palmed him through his pants, carefully undoing his belt with slightly shaky hands. 

He let you take your time, grinning at how nervous he made you, watching you struggle with his zipper. He chuckled, pushing you back and undoing his pants, getting on top of you, parting your legs. “Does Rafe make you this nervous?”He asked, seeming pleased with himself. 

You shook your head, not sure you could answer properly. He grinned, kissing you again. He lifted your shirt over your head quickly, tossing it. “Im flattered that I have such an effect on you.”He muttered, tugging your shorts off, his hand wrapping around your neck not soon after. 

His blue eyes were staring into you, squeezing harder for a moment. He was testing how much you could take, his thumb pressing into a spot right below your jaw. His hand dragged from your neck to the end of your hair, tugging harshly and causing you to let out a low shout. 

He chuckled, letting go and unclasping your bra. “There’s so many things I could do to you…. We’ve got four hours until Rafe remembers you…..”He muttered, tugging down your underwear and keeping your thighs open with his hands, settling between them. 

“Can you last four hours?”He asked. You nodded, moaning when his tongue slid through your folds. He chuckled, his fingernails leaving little crescent moons into your skin as he lapped at your entrance. You already already shaking from his tongue alone, your hands going to his hair and whimpering when he pulled away. 

“No, no, princess. You dont get to touch me.”He told you, grabbing his belt off the floor. “Give me your wrists.”He told you, grinning when you put them out for him. He had so much power over you, holding your wrists to the headboard and securing them with the belt. He settled back between your thighs, his tongue darting in and out of you, pressing his thumb against your clit. 

He could feel you were about to get close, pulling away before you could reach your high. You whined, moving against the belt. “What? You dont like that, princess?”He asked, moving up again so that his nose was against yours. “JJ, please.”You whispered, thinking that maybe he would change even just for a moment when he kissed you. 

“Not. A. Chance.”He replied. “This isnt fair!”You exclaimed, moaning again when he licked your nipple. “Not fair?”He asked, beginning to suck. He moved his hand up to pinch your other nipple, rolling his thumb over it. “I think its pretty fair, (Y/N).”He replied, turning you over so that your stomach was against the mattress and you had to turn your head to breathe properly. His palm collided with your ass, sending a shock through your body. 

“You okay?”He asked, moving your hair aside and pressinga  kiss to you cheek. He was only calm for a moment before he smacked you again, making you take a shaky breath. “Anthony hit me twelve times….you get fifteen. Count.”He told you, rubbing your ass before lifting up his hand again, the hit making a loud noise.

 “One.”You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as he hit you again. You’d never let Rafe do this to you. You didnt like most things Rafe did especially in the bedroom. He just couldnt do what you wanted and if he did he just couldnt do it well. You didnt know when you got to ten, tears streaming down your cheeks. “JJ…. I dont think I can take more.”You sobbed. 

He took in a deep breath, leaning down. “Hmm…. you’re doing so good, princess. Only five more left, promise I wont be too rough.”He whispered, his fingertips grazing over your thighs, waiting for an answer. You nodded, biting your lip as you waited, his palm hitting you again but not nearly as hard as the others. He spanked you again, rubbing the area after carefully. 

You werent too worried anymore, whispering after he hit you the last time. He gave you a moment to recover, his fingers rubbing your thigh and sides, kissing your shoulder. He turned you over a few moments later, staring down at you. He pressed a kiss to your lips, the act much more gentle than before. 

He pulled away after a second, his hand back at your throat as he pushed into you. You gasped, your head falling against the pillows as he bottomed out. He chuckled, tugging at your hair and forcing your head back some more, leaning down and nipping at your shoulder, only letting go when you whimpered. 

It wasnt hard enough for you to bleed but his teeth left imprints in your skin, a satisfied smile on his face before he sped up. “Does Rafe fuck you like this?”He asked, hitting a spot so deep inside of you that you hadnt even known that it existed. You moaned loudly, feeling him tug your hair again. 

“JJ!”You shouted from the pain against your scalp. “Answer the question.”He told you. You licked your lips, an idea sparking in your mind. “Rafe’s better.”You lied. He looked down at you, fingers pressing hard against your neck. “You want me to stop? You wanna go back to Rafe?”He asked, thrusting in and out of you. You shook your head quickly, wrapping your legs around his torso.

 “Thats what I though, you fucking liar.”He muttered, slowing when he heard a knock at the door. “Anyone in there?”A voice shouted. It was Rafe’s. “Make a sound and im done with you.”He told you, picking up the pace. 

“Rafe, man. Im busy!”He shouted. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and trying your best not to make any noises. You heard a loud groan before heavy footsteps thumped down the hall. JJ chuckled, noticing your relief. “Aww, the poor slut doesnt wanna go back to her boyfriend.”He grinned, biting your neck again. 

You knew Rafe would see the marks but you didnt really care, eyes widening as you clenched around JJ. He let go of you, pulling out and cumming on your bare stomach. He panted, kissing you gently before freeing your wrists, kissing the skin gently. For someone who hated you he was being surprisingly sweet, especially after what just happened.

 It didnt last long before he got up and put his clothes back on, your suspicions confirmed when you noticed a large stain across his shirt. “See you around, kook.”He winked at you before leaving the room. You laid down on the bed, pain running through your body. You felt guilty for feeling so good, your wrists stinging slightly and your heart dropping when you realised Rafe would see.

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[ghost-in-the-hella]

19 with Victoria Chase and Chloe?

For whatever reason, I can’t seem to keep chaseprice stories short! Sorry this took so long, but I hope it’s worth it. I also immediately thought chaseprice when I saw that prompt (“According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.”), so thanks for being on the same page with me there :) Unbeta’d and virtually unrevised despite how long it took me to write it, so please take it with a grain of salt.

Content warnings for misogynistic insults, underage drinking and drug use, and implied attempted sexual assault. Because teens in Arcadia Bay are awful to each other.

---

Chloe hasn’t seen Rachel since the first hour of the party. She stopped even getting texts from her about twenty minutes ago. She can already feel the familiar shapes of the argument they’re going to have tomorrow morning. Chloe will accuse Rachel of ditching her and ignoring her texts. Depending on how pissed she is, she might trot out the old dead horse about being abandoned by Max and flog that for a bit while Rachel fails to keep from rolling her eyes. Then Rachel will remind her about their agreement, that they’re both free agents and maybe if Chloe acted more like a free agent and less like a cuckolded wife she wouldn’t be so pissy all the time.

It’ll go back and forth for hours with Chloe whining about her abandonment issues and Rachel claiming that Chloe’s suffocating her, and at the end of it nothing will have changed. They’ll kiss and make up like they always do, but as soon as the next Vortex Club event comes around Rachel will insist on dragging Chloe and then she’ll ditch her in a crowd of people she hates and the whole cycle will start over again.

The whole thing is fucking exhausting, and Chloe’s sick of it. 

Not as sick as Victoria Chase is, though; damn. It’s a hell of a sight: the Queen Bitch of Blackwell teetering drunkenly on ill-advised high heels - possibly only still on her feet because of the bodies of people dancing around her - and looking like she’s contemplating puking in her purse. She looks awful. 

It would be more amusing if Rachel were there to make fun of her with Chloe. It would also be more amusing if it weren’t so painfully pathetic. Chloe’s way too sober to enjoy the sordid spectacle. Being the designated driver sucks ass, especially when the literal whole point of these parties is to get wasted. 

Chloe almost jumps out of her skin when her phone suddenly - finally - buzzes in her pocket.

Rachel: U still at the party?

Chloe scowls at her phone.

Chloe: of fucking course i am

Chloe: where else would i be??

Chloe: im ur fucking dd

Rachel: o right! Srry I already caught a ride

“Are you fucking kidding me!?”

Rachel: c u 2morro tho

Rachel: 2 whales date? Not 2 early tho

Rachel: this hangover’s gona be a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch

Rachel: luv u <3 <3 <3 xoxoxo

Rachel: xxx 

Rachel: ;P

Chloe buries her phone in her pocket, fuming. She can actually feel the anger rising off of her skin like steam. Obviously there’s no reason for her to continue being a designated driver if Rachel’s already fucked off with whatever Blackwell jock or cheerleader she’s decided to rail tonight. Chloe’s free to crash on the couch tonight with the rest of the drunk losers. Pass out in the bathtub maybe. There’s tons of booze in the kitchen; she should start there. Stoners are usually in the basement; they shouldn’t be hard to sniff out. Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll find the folks who’re always doing coke in some random bedroom or office and score a noseful. It’s not like she’s got classes in the morning. She can afford to live a little, as long as she’s not actually paying for it.

Chloe starts to push her way through the crowd to the kitchen.

“Watschh where yrr fffuckin goin…” slurs a messy but recognizable voice as a hand grips Chloe’s upper arm.

Jesus Christ, Victoria’s even more wasted than Chloe thought at first glance. Her hand on Chloe’s arm might be the only thing keeping her upright at the moment, which is the only reason why Chloe doesn’t immediately tear herself away. 

“Careful, Vicky; poverty might be contagious.” Chloe attempts to pry Victoria’s fingers from around her arm to no avail.

The idiot jock standing behind Victoria laughs at that, but Victoria just looks confused. And drunk. So very, very drunk.

“Ffffug you, Chhhloe,” Victoria slurs out.

Chloe raises an eyebrow. “Wow, you must be shitfaced. That was practically my real name!” She carefully shoves Victoria back off of her arm as the jock moves to steady Victoria by holding onto her waist.

“C’mon, babe,” he says, leaning close to her ear. He grins at Chloe and winks like he thinks she’s in on some kind of conspiracy with him, which immediately pisses Chloe off. “I’ve got it from here,” he informs her.

Victoria groans something inarticulate and tries to push the jock away, but she ends up just stumbling back into his stupidly broad chest. She really shouldn’t get so drunk and wear such high heels at the same time; clearly, it’s a dangerous combination.

“Dude, I don’t think she wants to go with you,” Chloe says as calmly as she can. She really doesn’t want to get involved. She wants to get drunk and stoned and so blitzed out of her mind that she forgets all about being pissed at Rachel. She doesn’t want to get sucked into whatever drama Victoria’s got brewing tonight. But she also really doesn’t want to watch a drunk girl get mauled by some entitled meathead, even if said drunk girl is a royal pain in her ass. 

“Nah, she’s good. Just needs some fresh air. C’mon, Tori, let’s go for a walk.”

“Don’ ffffuggin call me Tori,” Victoria growls, tugging her arm out of his too-firm grip and nearly falling right off her ridiculous and undoubtedly overpriced heels. “Iss Victoria.”

The creep ignores her and tugs on her arm again, toppling her into his body once more. “It’s cool,” he attempts to assure Chloe. “We’re friends. I’ll get her home safe.”

“She definitely doesn’t want to go with you. Let her go.”

“Dude, be cool! She’s just being a bitch. You know what Tori’s like.” He holds Victoria’s wrists to curtail her squirming.

“Fuggoff!”

Chloe cracks her knuckles loudly enough to get the jock’s attention. “I’ve got better things to do with my left hand tonight than break it on your nose, but if you don’t unhand her in the next five seconds I’ll do it anyway.”

That gives the jock pause, but he doesn’t look like he quite believes her. “You wouldn’t.”

Chloe shrugs. “If you don’t believe me, why don’t you ask Logan why his nose slants to the right? Although he’ll probably lie. Ask his ex-girlfriend; she’ll tell you the truth.”

---

As Chloe guides a stumbling and incessantly bitching Victoria through the dark toward her truck, she silently curses every decision in her life that led her to this moment. It’s actually not that different from drunk-walking Rachel home after a party, except that when Victoria keeps touching her boob it’s probably accidental. Probably.

“Where’ss Nathan?” Victoria whines, head lolling onto Chloe’s shoulder and smearing a healthy quantity of expensive makeup into her favorite Firewalk shirt. Which is fine. Not like Chloe can’t just steal another one next time they have a 2010 tour. Time travel’s a thing, right?

“I have no idea where Prescock is. Surprised he’s not doing shots out of your cleavage.”

Victoria’s trying to text, but she keeps almost dropping her phone. “Where are theese bisches?” Victoria grumbles as her manicured fingers jab and swipe at the screen of her phone with the dexterity of a toddler with two handfuls of butter. “Sposdt to be my frens…” 

Victoria’s entire focus is on her phone when it should really be on walking. Chloe tugs her upright and tries to steer her for the umpteenth time. “Can it wait til we’re in the truck at least?”

Victoria grinds to a halt and finally tears her eyes from her phone. “M’not gedding into that… that…” Victoria flails at Chloe’s truck and nearly falls over. “Deathtrap.”

“You had to get a tetanus shot to live in the dorms, right? You’ll be fine.” Chloe grips Victoria’s elbow with one hand to keep her upright and wrangles the passenger door open with the other. “Go on, get in.”

Victoria glares at Chloe foggily. “Are you khhidnappng me, Price?”

“...That’s a joke, right?”

Victoria whacks Chloe solidly in the sternum with her phone. “B’cause I’ll haf you know, my frens will put your assss in jail like that.” Victoria tries and fails to snap her fingers, then stares at them as if she cannot comprehend why they are not obeying her.

Chloe rubs at her sore sternum in annoyance. “Yeah, well, maybe your ‘frens’ should be the ones getting your drunk ass safely back to the dorms instead of abandoning you and letting random creepers paw at you. Then maybe I could get my drunk on in peace instead of wasting my weekend cleaning your puke out of my truck.”

Chloe’s expecting some pushback. Victoria hasn’t even touched her truck, much less puked in it. What she isn’t expecting is for Victoria to shove her phone in Chloe’s face. “You texx thm.” Victoria reaches for the door handle, yanks the door open, and unsteadily clambers into Chloe’s truck.

“Ow, what the fuck! You want me to text your friends?”

“Tell’m yer kidnappin me.”

“Uh, okay, no, I’m not doing that. But I can text your friends if there’s someone you’d rather get a ride with.”

Chloe carefully shuts Victoria’s door and walks around her truck to the driver’s side, thumbing through Victoria’s message history. She tries Nathan first, even though she can see that Victoria’s last ten messages to him have gone unanswered.

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Nathan: whothFUCKisthis

Victoria: a good samaritan. seriously tho your friend is halfway to passed out, can you help?

Nathan: fuckoffBITCH

Victoria: god why does victoria even like you?

She tries Courtney next.

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Courtney: I don’t know, can Victoria not call my boyfriend a MAN WHORE?

“We’re 0 for 2, Victoria. What’s the name of that blonde girl you’re always hanging around with?”

“Sweetie…”

“Um, what?”

“Goddddd you’re fuckn incomph-- incump-- incompetant. Sweet. T.”

“I have no idea what you’re-- Oh.” Jesus, the girl is literally in Victoria’s phone as Sweet-T. Gaaaaaaayyyy. 

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Sweet-T: Victoria? Victoria Chase?

Sweet-T: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sweet-T: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sweet-T: Tell that bitch good luck. 

Sweet-T: Actually wait don’t.

Sweet-T: Tell her to choke.

Sweet-T: Btw Taylor lost her phone.

“Uhh, looks like ‘Sweet-T’ lost her phone. And it’s fallen into the hands of someone who completely hates your pretentious ass; no big surprise there.”

Chloe starts texting Victoria’s contacts at random as Victoria sulks. Most people don’t even respond. The responses she does get are… not encouraging.

Zach: sup biiiiiiiiiiitttcccccccchhhhhh yeah i’ll give vicky a ride ON MY DICK

Hayden: new fone who dis

Brooke: Who is this and how did you get my number? Don’t ever text me again.

Dana: I gott a ride w Jules srry

Juliet: Already back at the dorms. Good luck I guess. 

Logan: fukk that bisch wut

“Well, Victoria, looks like none of your friends are coming to help. So you can either let me give you a ride back to campus, or you can pass out on a couch inside and hope for the best.”

“What th hell djou say to them??”

“Just that you needed a safe ride to the dorms. That’s all.”

“Bullsshhhitt. You pissed them off.”

Chloe laughs out loud at that. “I pissed them off?? You pissed them off by being a gigantic asshole!”

“M’ noddan asshole.”

“Oh, no? Well…” Chloe holds up Victoria’s phone and waves it in front of her face. “According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.”

Which is how Chloe ends up comforting a sobbing Victoria Chase in a stranger’s driveway and wishing she’d never been born.

---

Chloe: dude. Srsly. Fuck u for abandoning me at that fucking vc party.

Rachel: chloe?

Rachel: wat timesit?

Rachel: w happnd?

Chloe: its 3am

Chloe: and victoria FUCKING chase is passed out on me

Rachel: ur joking

Rachel: omg

Rachel: pls take a pic

Chloe: this isnt funny rach

Rachel: it’s fucking hilarious!

Chloe: its SAD.

Rachel: Wait so

Rachel: did you fuck her?

Chloe: WHAT????

Chloe: NO!!!!!

Rachel: Oh good bc I don’t think there’s enough bleach in the world to clean your soul after fucking victoria chase

Chloe: she’s drunk AF

Chloe: her friends ditched her 

Chloe: and i kinda called her an asshole

Chloe: so she cried on my shoulder until she passed out

Chloe: and now i’m trapped

Rachel: Poor baby.

Rachel: Chew your arm off?

Chloe: not funny.

Rachel: Again, totally funny.

Chloe: Srsly tho, what should i do???

Rachel: idk

Rachel: sneak out?

Chloe: we’re in my truck

Rachel: hahahahahahahaha

Rachel: of course you are

Rachel: so wake her bitch ass up!

---

Victoria Chase snores. Nothing in the world could have prepared Chloe for that knowledge. She also drools, which is unfortunate for the state of Chloe’s jacket. Not that it’s the cleanest thing in the world anyway, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.

Victoria’s normally immaculate hair is in a state of total chaotic disarray. At least half of her makeup is gone, and what remains is smeared artlessly all over her face. She smells like a brewery. Chloe’s arm has fallen asleep under the weight of her head. Chloe envies it. The sweet release of sleep would be infinitely preferable to the intense awkwardness of being conscious right now.

The moonlight paints Victoria’s face in delicate shades of pale, highlighting the refined angles of her cheekbone, her jawline, her nose. She’s snoring and drooling and messy and the most utterly awful person; it shouldn’t be possible for her to be beautiful in this moment.

And yet. And yet.

Chloe should shove her awake. She should push Victoria off her shoulder, buckle up both of their seatbelts, and deposit her safely back at the dorms (because even though Victoria’s an objectively horrible person, that doesn’t mean that Chloe is). Chloe should abandon ship, let Victoria sleep it off in the front of her truck while Chloe returns to the party and drinks until she can’t remember what Victoria looks like in the moonlight. Maybe if she drinks enough, by the time she’s sober enough to drive Victoria will have sobered up and found her own way home.

Victoria makes a sleepy sort of grumbling sound and shifts against Chloe’s shoulder, draping an arm over Chloe’s middle and snuggling close. Her hair tickles Chloe’s neck and jaw as it sticks out at peculiar angles, and Chloe wants to laugh or possibly die. There’s really nowhere else for Chloe’s arm to go, so it ends up wrapped around Victoria. Victoria lets out a sound that’s disturbingly close to a contented sigh.

“Hey... Vic?”

“Mphgmhm?”

“Um… Are you aware that you’re cuddling me like I’m your long-lost childhood teddy bear?”

“Grhmphgm.”

“Uh. ‘Kay. Long as you know.”

“Mphkm.” Victoria nuzzles into Chloe’s shoulder, squeezing her tighter. Chloe awkwardly pats her side and Victoria sighs again.

“Hey, uh… I’m sorry about what I said before. I mean, not about you being an asshole, ‘cause I’m not gonna lie. But about your friends. I’m… sure your friends do like you, really.”

Victoria shrugs a little, frowning delicately. “Dsnmttr. Sleeb.”

Sleep. Okay. That’s theoretically possible. Chloe’s slept in more uncomfortable positions in this very truck, after all. So she closes her eyes and rests her head against the back of her seat, and she listens to the steady rhythm of Victoria’s breathing until the world begins to fade into a comforting void.

Shit’s going to be awkward in the morning. But, well. That can wait until the morning.

[cxgvs]

hello its me

hmm idk why i wanna write something here tho yknow i think tumblr d worded to my same gen tumblr moots ...

anyway

maybe one day when i die, my friends & family will find my blog and just /know/ you know but lmao theyre probably just gonna find my yn fics hahaha

anywayyyy back to the real reason why i wanna write here...

i find it scary im having these kind of thoughts lately i dont know if its because of my job? (maybee? its actually the only reason i see rn?) bc honestly... im doing fine in all other things..

friends? theyre okay.. we talk and meet up if this lockdown permits (yup 2021 and still in lockdown)

family? we're good as well.. im happy theyre healthy and well (hope it continues like that for a long time)

me? well.... i guess the problem starts there lol idk i keep having these thoughts bout wanting not to wake up from sleep yk lmao and it actually stems from not wanting to go to work with the role that i currently have ....

maybe im being ungrateful rn but i really feel like its not healthy for me to be in this role.. its too pressuring, gives me anxiety.. and i know im only a month in but do you really have to be in a situation longer for you to say that its toxic for you? toxic for your mental health?

honeslty idk i feel kinda bad that im prioritizing my mental health over earning like putting myself first is something so bad lol i feel so guilty about feeling this way

and i feel that im unfair bc my family is working so hard in different countries, working their asses off, literally one have to caught the virus (theyre ok now tho) but still work

and im here,,, being a fucking baby,, whining about how THIS is the worst situation that i am in lmao

but they just dont get it,,, maybe i was mentally unstable right before all this happened (my job) and now its triggering these thoughts out of me and seriously i have never wanted to feel this way, i swear.. i didnt want to feel so broken,, so weak,,, i dont want to constantly ask for help,,, show signs that im emotionally & mentally drowning,,,, its just so hard to be living this way..

i didnt even realize that I'll go to such extent of wishing i dont wake up from my sleep

but at the same time, im fucking terrified this "life" will last longer you know?

you know how in books/universe beliefs that what you want to happen will be jinxed if you keep thinking about it lmao

im so so terrified about it like,, what if i really wanna die but end up living 100 more years lol

like bitch i dont wanna live so long if im this unhappy.. i dont want this life if im just constantly insecure about everything, how im literally fucking depressed and unhealthy..

and im so fucking sick hearing about "you can change this for yourself" "live life/change your life for you" "youre the driver of this life" bullshit like BRO DO YOU THINK I DONT KNOW THAT

Like ok man i KNOW i can change my life but at this fucking moment???? i cant???? and its difficult to just wake up one day and feel inspired and be full of energy in a mental state like this???

yall r so fucking stupid if you also think depression is being so skinny, eating less, looking stressed and fuck bc depression is also the opposite.. like honestly?? i dont fucking look depressed but look at me now tho?? haha

im overweight, i dont look sleep deprived, i still eat, and i still sleep.. im here but sometimes im not here you know?

whats worse is that depression here is being so downplayed like its just "drama"& not a real fucking disease,, i have relatives who would think - they've been thru worse and that YOU feeling sad and depressed for them is just whines and worthless drama and that youre just overreacting like you dont have a fucking right to feel that way just because theyve been thru "worst" lmao ok bitch do you want a fucking "not depressed" award

well fuck im sorry my generation have to deal with your fucking trauma bc you let it out on us just because we're younger and you dont have any idea that the shit youre putting us thru is actually YOUR trauma???? like fuck

sigh

im just so tired of this unhappiness.. i miss my old self,, the better me,,, i miss my passions,, the things that make me happy,,, bc right now, i can only do so much and still feel this way..

i can paint and sing all day but it wont bring me back the same energy, the same joy it brought to me before - and i miss that...

why do i have to be this way? i just wanna be happy..

[zayashmaya]

coconut cake, cinnamon rolls, yule log and toffee pudding for the Husbands and Mc? :O

LET’S DO THIIIISSSSSS

coconut cake: have you ever been on vacation with your f/o? where did you go?

- ok mc somehow gets marvus to go to sweden with her, even though he HATES the cold. he’s bitching and whining the whole way there until he learns to exploit his wife for warmth with cuddles by a fireplace. he ends up really enjoying skiing (it’s no surprise that he’s a bit of an adrenaline junky) although the ski lifts are something he had to get used to. but his favorite memory from this trip was when he saw the northern lights for the first time. marvus just silently watched this miracle unfold while mc happily clung to his arm and he got pretty emotional about the whole experience. he told her how much he loved her for being in his life and giving him the opportunity to see something like this, and to be free to do so. 

- mc and lanque have gone to the bahamas! and he really enjoyed it, despite him usually being more partial to places like morocco or spain. the first few days were spent lounging around at the beach taking selfies until they both got really bored (and lanque was hella tired of people constantly hitting on him). so they set off to explore caves and water holes, which made him slightly nostalgic. snorkeling was a weird experience for him, he never imagined that he could see what lies in an ocean without getting culled. needless to say, he thinks the bahamas are absolutely beautiful, and he develops a weird love for eating conchs (mc hates how they taste). 

- mc wanted to push tagora’s boundaries by suggesting they stay at one of those water bungalows in the maldives, where the cabins are on the water and you can just swim from your living room. but tagora was NOT having it, he is not fond of water, especially with how the salty breeze makes his hair smell. so they compromised by going to santorini. he finds the architecture really unique and endearing, and the view is to die for. they stay in a rented home that has a classic blue dome and overlooks the ocean, and the outside is surrounded by vibrant flowers. tagora really likes how reclusive it feels, where he can unwind and relax with mc and no one will bother them. they start to feel particularly bougie when they go to wine tastings at vineyards. lanque really wants to do this with them next time, he’s all about this life. 

cinnamon rolls: who has the bigger sweet tooth?

- out of all of them, probably mc and lanque! marvus is partial to sugary drinks but his ultimate love is spicy food, and tagora likes salty and umami. lanque is a sucker for an old-fashioned bakery shop where he can get fresh pastries. mc is a garbage can who chugs mountain dew and reese’s until she realizes her diet is way too awful to sustain. 

yule log: favourite holiday? is yours different from your f/o’s?

(im vibrating with excitement i love gushing about holidays)

- they all unanimously don’t buy into the quadrant appreciation day stuff, because every day is valentine’s day for them. marvus in particular loves to don the tinfoil hat and talk about how it’s a fake holiday created by companies to sell overpriced holiday crap. still doesn’t stop all three of the hubbies from pampering mc asjfhajl

- tagora goes apeshit for christmas, and lanque really loves this holiday too. they dont care about the religious aspect at all, they just love the cozycore vibe and spending time with family and eating dinner and opening presents (tagora’s love language is gifts and money). marvus is there for the eggnog and smooching under a mistletoe. mc makes them all wear tacky christmas sweaters and she dons an elf hat for the rest of the evening. and who am i kidding lanque also takes so much advantage of that mistletoe.

- marvus looooooves halloween, and it’s mc’s favorite holiday as well. they go HARD with decorating their home and outclassing every house within a 1000 mile radius, and they throw the best parties ever. mc eats all the candy of course. tagora and lanque aren’t THAT possessed by the holiday spirit but they definitely spend a long ass time preparing their costumes because they are drama queens like that. 

- mother’s day and father’s day makes the husbands a bit depressed because it reminds them of their lusi and they miss them :c tagora has the hardest time being apart from his lusus so mc gets him a ferret that he names abacus (lil abby!!!!) and this becomes the most spoiled ferret in all of existence. 

toffee pudding: how does your f/o feel about formalwear/black tie events?

- tagora gets anxious. he’s pretty good at socializing when he’s in the moment, but he spends a lot of time beforehand working himself up into a tizzy and busying himself with picking out just the right attire to impress the crowd. needless to say, he needs his emotional support alien with him at all times in case something goes wrong. mc is a master of rectifying awkward situations. sometimes he’ll bring galekh or lanque with him. 

- lanque thrives at these events and he looks ungodly attractive while doing so. he’s far more subtle in how he manipulates a crowd - it starts with winning over an attendee who just happens to have a lot of connections at the party, and before he knows it he’s being introduced to many people who fall under his spell. he doesn’t always bring mc along, mostly because she distracts him and sometimes he genuinely needs to do networking and less leering at his date. but mc will be damned if she doesn’t get a good look at lanque in a suit before he leaves. 

- marvus lives and breathes these type of events. his taste in fashion will depend on what sort of crowd will be there; he can tone it down a notch with a tasteful suit and a pop of color for his shirt, or he can be so camp that your eyes will bleed. he charms the whole crowd in attendance the minute he walks through the doors. he is loud and proud and in charge and everyone fawns over him. even when he’s relaxing somewhere, people will gravitate towards him. like lanque, he doesn’t pressure mc to come with him, but when she’s there, his attention is fixed on her. she’s at his side constantly or sitting in his lap, he’s not picky, just as long as she’s around. he loves getting ready for the event with her and asking for her input on what to wear and vice versa. they always coordinate their outfits. mc gets a little overwhelmed by the events that he attends (these aren’t small-time gatherings or corporate networking events, they are probably galas for rich people). marvus knows this, so he always makes sure not to leave her unattended for too long. they totally smash in a bathroom or something classless like that. if not there then definitely in the limo on the way back home adjfhaj

[peachymhaechan]

“Not even one snow angel?”

Genre: fluff

Warnings: language bc im too dumb to find better words

Pairing: Jaehyun x gender neutral reader

Author’s Note: yall it’s so cold that they had to cancel school for three days bc it’s supposed to be in the negatives for three days straight, so yall already know what that means: time to write fluff focused around Jung Jaehyun when I should be preparing for my biotechnology debate,,, yeehaw !! also: im shook that yall liked the mark mafia au so much,,, I will have another mafia au out soon, love yall !!

our story is set in fair Verona, where it is cold as tits out

jk its not actually set in Verona but ya know. Romeo and Juliet, am I rite, laid ease and gents?? (even tho that story is high key messed up and I don’t really understand why people aspire to have relationships like that) 

no but for real, classes for the next couple of days were cancelled because of a negative ten degree Fahrenheit wind chill, and that meant you had nothing to do (other than procrastinate your class work)

yeehaw, am I rite, laid ease and gents???

n e ways, 

rather than staying in your dorm all day w your dorm mate whom you did not always get along very well with, 

you decided to carpe the fuck outta that diem and play in the snow with some of you friends

lacing up the boots you shoved over four pairs of socks, you called Johnny, a kid you’d known since your freshman algebra class

“Seo, let’s go outside for once.” 

“Excuse me, what? Is it the sleep deprivation talking or did I hear you just say the words lets go and outside in one sentence?” a sleepy Johnny said from the other line

“Haha, very funny, dumbass. Let’s go play in the snow,” you told him, throwing on a winter coat 

“Y/N, it is eleven AM,” Johnny told you, causing you to roll your eyes as you shut the door

“Really? I had no clue, Johnny, thank you for telling me.” 

“Y/N, it is eleven AM on a day when classes are cancelled,” Johnny rephrased

“Yes, I am well away. Suit up, Seo. I am on my way over, be there in five.” 

on your way, you looked at all the snow and tried not to slip on ice

you made a few stops at some of your other friends’ dorms, and by the time you got to Johnny’s, there was a small army of people ready to play in the snow (and wake up Johnny)

“Mark, can I please wear your hat?” Haechan whined, flashing Mark puppy dog eyes and tugging on his sleeve

“Y/N, make him give me his hat,” the boy begged you, turning those eyes on you

“Mark, do what the baby says,” you told him, knocking on Johnny’s door

johnny seo opened the door, and before you could say anything, you were hit with a snowball in the face

“JONATHON SEO, WHAT THE FUCK???” 

he started cackling and said, “Before you guys got here, I went outside and made a snowball, then put it in a bowl in my mini fridge.” 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??”

“Nothing, Y/N, I thought you wanted to play in the snow?” 

“Johnny, we are not IN the snow right now. We are standing in the middle of your dorm building, while snow drips down my face. I am going to destroy you when we are actually in the snow.” 

“I’d like to see you try, dumbass. Oh, also: do you care if I invite someone to hang out with us today?” he asked, and for some reason, everyone pivoted their attention to the six foot tall man, which you did not notice

“Go ahead, the more the merrier. Right, guys?” you asked, and everyone nodded a little too enthusiastically

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion but didn't ask any questions

“Who all were you planning on inviting?” you asked, trying to get more info out of him

Mark, Haechan, Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin, Jeno, and Lucas all avoided eye contact

“I don’t know, probably just a few of the other guys... Ten, Taeyong, Winwin, Kun, and Jae.” 

so THAT’S why they were acting weird 

those two faced whores

“Jae?” you asked, trying to do some more subtle investigating

“Yes, Jae.” 

“Jae as in... Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, Jae as in Jaehyun.” 

“Like... Jung Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, Jung Jaehyun.” 

“Like..... your roommate Jung Jaehyun?” 

“Yes, my roommate Jung Jaehyun.” 

“The one that I think is hot and told you all that I have a crush on him?” 

“That’d be the one.” 

oh no

oh fuck no

“Unless, of course, you want me to tell him that something has come up and he is no longer invited.” 

“No, no, that’s not necessary, he can still.... he can still join us, if he wants.” 

“Okay, good, because I told him to come with us, and he should be ready any minute now.” 

cue Jaehyun nudging johnny out of the way so he can get out of the door

and all you could think was 

ohhhhhhh mannnnnnnn, he’s hot

he had on jeans, a fluffy winter coat, gloves, and boots, but he had you quaking in your four pairs of socks, okay 

you could feel your cheeks heat up when he gave you a smile

those dimples had you wEAK, BITCH

“Hi, Jaehyun!” you managed to get out, to which he responded

“Hey, Y/N! That hat looks really cute on you! You always look cute, but, ya know what I mean.” 

to say you were malfunctioning would be an understatement

the boys saw you go into a full system reboot

“Let’s get going before all the snow melts!” Chenle said, grabbing your arm and pulling you out of your technical difficulty

“I doubt the snow will be melting any time soon,” Jisung mumbled, getting a slap in the arm from one of the other boys

the only sounds that registered to you were the sounds of the bickering boys, sleds dragging on the floor, and your own heart beat

okay, dawg, just play it cool. 

now that’s easier said than done, isn’t it? dumb bitch. 

the whole time yall walked outside, you were super aware of the proximity of Jaehyun

after about two minutes, Jaehyun was standing right! next! to! you!

wowie, babey! yee fuckin haw!

when yall finally made it to the “lawn” (whatever the fuck u wanna call it, I am not good with words, yeet) of campus- a huge hill with trees all around, right in the center of campus-

yall threw down the sleds a few of you brought, and got right to it

johnny got on a different sled and challenged you to a race, to which you naturally agreed to

while johnny was getting situated before the race, you made a snowball out of his sight, and right as it started, you nailed him in the face

“yOU MOTHER FUCKER!” johnny yelled as he fell off his sled and you took the lead

the boys all laughed (including Jaehyun! let’s gooooo!) and watched you do a half assed victory dance when you reached the bottom of the hill

winning was great and all, but you had to climb back up the hill:/ 

not cool, dawg:/

when you finally reached the top, you found that some of the guys were making a snowman

awwwwwwwwwwwww

Jisung saw your heart melting upon the sight and said, “Stop that, this is emo boy gang, either get on board with emotional numbness or get out.” 

that stopped melting your heart, but you still loved the sight of all of them so concentrated on making a huge snowman

Jaehyun led the group, telling them what to do and assembling everything

by the time the snowman was complete, it easily was taller than you were

“yo. this is dope, bro,” johnny said to Jaehyun, pulling him into a bear hug

“thanks, bro,” Jaehyun said, laughing a bit at how ridiculous it all was

“Snowball fight time?” Jeno asked, all of the younger boys behind him, looking at you Old Folk for confirmation as to whether or not it’d be socially acceptable to start wailing balls of coldness at each other

you, johnny, and Jaehyun looked at each other and shrugged 

“Why not?” 

why not, indeed

without a second of hesitation, the younger boys started chucking snowballs at you three

“FUCK” “SHIT” “BITCH” 

sicko mode or mo bamba? 

“DIVIDE AND CONQUER, DIVIDE AND CONQUER!” you yelled, all three of you taking off in different directions, making the boys split up their force to follow

for some reason, Jaehyun ran along with you, leaving johnny to fend for himself

“Jaehyun, this isn’t a part of the plan!” you scolded, but at the same time loved the situation yall were in

“I know, I wanted to make sure you don’t get hurt.” 

wow, we stan !

“That’s awfully sweet of you, but now we have to figure out how to get rid of them.” 

“I’ll make a diversion while you hide and make ammunition? Send a signal or something and i’ll find you when you’re ready,” Jaehyun told you, making a sharp left and darting through the trees, a trail of boys following him

since you were left alone, you put your hands on your blushing cheeks and then got to work

within a few minutes, you had more than enough ammunition to hit the boys with and you saw all of them at the bottom of the hill, some wrestling and some throwing wads of snow at the others

great idea: take them out from up there?? yes, let’s go y/n, coming in clutch w that idea

without warning, you began to chuck the hundreds of snowballs you made at the boys

by the time you went through all the ammo, none of the boys were left standing except for johnny and Jaehyun

johnny stood up from behind a statue in the campus center and said, “Holy shit.” 

Jaehyun looked at all the boys laying in the fetal position and said, “Holy shit.” 

after that, everyone wanted to go home

not sure why, after all it’s not like they just got their asses kicked in the cold

“I don’t feel like going back to the dorms so soo, though,” Jaehyun said to you and Johnny

johnny went :) idea time! 

“I am feeling really tired from today, but I heard Y/N say earlier that they wanted to stop at the café at some point today and try one of the new drinks they’re making.” :) ;) 

fuck

“Okay, cool. Do you want to go to the café with me, then?” Jaehyun asked you

Jaehyun asked you. 

Jaehyun asked you? 

“Yes, I’d love to!” you told him, handing your sled to Jaemin to take with him to the dorms

after parting ways, yall went to the café and had a kind of?? date

just a lot of small talk, what is your goal in life, what are your deepest fears, blah blah blah

on the way home, though, that was when it got REALLY couple-y

you slipped on ice! 

and he went to catch you!

but he fell, too!

but he made it so that you were laying! on! top! of! him!

Hello, K-drama moment!

instead of speaking, you both stared into each other’s eyes 

before you totally #securedthatman by rolling off of him

and making a snow angel

laughing, he stood up and held out a hand to help you up

“Come on, let’s get going, it’s really cold out now. Too cold for snow angels, for sure.” 

“Not even one snow angel?” you asked, flashing him puppy dog eyes

“Not even one snow angel,” he confirmed and helped you up, and!

he didn’t let go of your hand! 

later on, yall consider that snowball fight turned café trip to be your first date, and boy, was it cold, but your hearts sure as hell felt warm that day

in conclusion, uwu

[mitchsmarners]

when tomorrow comes (i’ll be on my own)

rating: mature

pairing: eddie kaspbrak/richie tozier

summary: Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!” 

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?” 

chapter count: 1/5

“Hey, buddy, how you doing?”

Richie Tozier tugged one earbud out and looked up at his room mate in confusion. He and Stanley Uris had grown to be good friends in the last two years that they’d been together in the college dorms- though, Richie had been surprised when Stan had been willing to agree to room with him a second time. They were all salt and nothing sweet, such different souls in one confined space, it was very rare that they were ever particularly gentle with one another. It was only ever when something was seriously wrong that they’d drop their harsh outer friendship and show through what they really were- best friends who cared deeply for one another.

Richie couldn’t think of anything that would have caused Stan to drop his sodium levels. He wracked his brain of everything that had happened over the last forty eight hours, but it threatened to give him a headache. He couldn’t focus on that and his English Lit paper. “I’m fine? This paper’s a killer, though. Mathers can suck my dick.”

A worried crinkle appeared between Stan’s brow and Richie’s heart picked up slightly. Had something really bad happened and Richie had just totally forgotten? Oh shit, had he repressed some sort of terrible experience from today? Did Stan know something that he didn’t, what-

“Pats and I are going to Floats tonight for dinner,” Stan broke through Richie’s internal panicking’s. Stanley had recently started going out with a girl from his Algebra course, though it had been a nearly year long struggle for Richie, having to watch Stan pine over her when it obvious that the girl had been just as smitten. For whatever reason. “Did you want us to bring you back some curly fries? I know they’re your favourite.”

Richie’s eyebrows disappeared completely behind his moppy bangs. Stanley has never, not once in the nearly two years they’d known each other, offered to pick up food for Richie. No matter how much Richie had begged him to. “I- Yeah, man. That… That’d be great. Thanks?”

Stan nodded once, and reached out to squeeze at Richie shoulder, before turning and walking from their shared living space. Richie shook his head slightly, confused but also looking forward to Floats’ curly fries, he’d barely turned back to his computer before his phone was lighting up. Beverly Marsh’s face lit up the screen and Richie almost declined, assuming it was a butt dial. Beverly Marsh did not make phone calls, that was just a known fact.

“Bev?” Richie inquired lightly, hoping that he’d get to listen in on some sort embarrassing private conversation and not Bev getting busy with her boyfriend. Richie had been burned before.

“Hey, Rich! How are you doing?” Bev’s too-chipper voice rang through the speaker and Richie had to frown.

“Why is everybody asking me that?” Richie asked, hearing the whine in his voice. “I’m peachy fucking keen. Nothing wrong on Rich Bitch front.”

Bev made an annoying sympathetic noise on the other end and Richie really did feel as though he were going to tug his own curls out. “Ben and I got Infinity War on DVD.” Bev continued. “Did you wanna come over and watch it with us tonight? We can cry into giant bowls of popcorn then obsess over online theories on how its going to get resolved.”

Richie hummed. “I would love to, Bev, but I actually have to get this stupid fucking English Lit paper done or I’m going to flunk out.”

“Oh. Okay.” Beverly sounded almost disappointed… no, not disappointed? Worried? Maybe worried. “Text me if you need anything, yeah?”

“Sure, Bev,” Richie said, pinching the brim of his nose. “Whatever.” Richie clicked end on the call and tossed his phone onto the comforter. He only looked at his blank document for a moment before grabbing his phone once again and scrolling through the contacts.

to: angel baby boy: hey bbyy im super fucking stuck on this damn English lit paper can i come over plsssss ill love u forever

from angel baby boy: you’re already going to love me forever but ofc doors unlocked see u soon *kiss emoji*

Richie scrambled up from his bed, throwing on what he knew were Eddie’s favourite pair of grey sweatpants, and started throwing his things into worn down backpack. He’d had it since early high school, and he knew he was going to tear a hole right through it soon enough, but he couldn’t be bothered to get a new one before that happened.

He’d only bounced out the door to his dorm before he almost ran smack into Audra Phillips. He hadn’t known the girl long, she’d only transferred to their college a few months earlier, but their majors ran into very similar circles and he’d only seen more of her since she’d started seeing Eddie’s room mate, Bill. She was a nice girl, if not a little bland, and Richie enjoyed her company. She was, of course, not somebody he expected to see standing outside his dorm room with two cups of Starbucks.

“Hey,” she said, blinking up at him. She almost seemed that she was as surprised to find herself here as Richie was to see her. “I brought you a coffee? Chocolate mocha frapp, right?”

Richie made a happy noise and took the cold drink from Audra’s awaiting hand. “Dude, I love seven dollar drinks. What do I owe this tongue-numbing pleasure?”

“I figured that the English Lit paper was kicking your ass,” Audra said lightly. “Amongst… other things. Thought I’d be friendly.”

Richie crinkled his nose up, green straw almost in his mouth. If one more person implied that something was wrong when Richie had absolutely no idea what that could be, he might actually start screaming. But Audra was smiling so sweetly at him, and as far as Richie knew the girl had never done anything wrong in pretty much her entire life, he just nodded at her and thanked her again for the drink. They exchanged a few more civil pleasantries before Richie excused himself and made it the rest of the way to Eddie and Bill’s room.

Eddie was seated in his bed, surrounded by his mountain of yellow pillows and wrapped up in his soft green comforter. Eddie had, without a doubt, the most comfortable bed Richie had ever been in. That was, possibly, a little bit of a bias but it was true. The only good thing that Richie thought Sonia Kaspbrak had ever done- besides actually giving birth to Eddie- was insisting he get so many pillows and blankets to make his dorm bed safer for her Eddie Bear. Eddie seemed to hate it, tossing most of the pillows to the foot end of his bed when actually going to sleep, and using the green comforter only, but Richie absolutely loved it and Eddie always put the pillows back at the head when he knew Richie was coming over.

Richie had known Eddie easily as long as he’d known anybody. He supposed the only people he would have known longer were his parents and older sister, meeting Eddie at his orientation of kindergarten. The older they’d gotten, the harder Sonia Kaspbrak had tried to push them apart, and all the closer they’d grown. By seventh grade, it was almost impossible to find one without the other. RichieTozierandEddieKaspbrak. Richie had probably been in love with him even back then, but they’d only made the jump to boyfriends near the end of sophomore year. Despite a few short, drama-filled fights and break ups, they’d been together ever since.

“So, did like… my mother die and everybody forgot to tell me?” Richie asked, chocolate coffee dripping down the corner of his mouth.

Eddie startled, sitting up on his pillow mountain and shoving his laptop aside. “What? What happened to your mom? Rich-“

“No! No, no,” Richie started shaking his head, dropping down beside him. “Mags is fine, she texted me this morning. I just… I’ve had the weirdest fucking afternoon.”

“So you decided you’d make a joke about your mom dying?” Eddie squawked, cheeks starting to turn pink. “What the fuck, Richard?”

“I just…” Richie sighed. “Bev invited me over, Audra brought me coffee. Stanley offered to bring me home curly fries from Floats? I am like… dying and don’t know it?”

Eddie shook his head slightly, frowning, before slapping a hand over his mouth. “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fucking Bill…” Eddie chuckled. “Do you remember last week when you forgot about breakfast and I was super pissed? Didn’t talk to you all day?”

“Uh, yeah, vividly.” Richie grumbled, jutting out his bottom lip. “You’re the one who tried to make plans with me when I was half asleep, you know. You should know better than that after 18 years, Eds.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “But no, I was super pissed off and I ranted to Bill. I might have sort of said I was going to break up with you. Guess he thinks that I did… and he told everybody.”

Richie’s mouth dropped open. “Everybody is being nice to me because they think I got dumped? What the fuck! Why would you tell Bill you were going to break up with me?”

Eddie shook his head and took Richie’s hand in his. “I tell you I’m going to break up with you twice a week. I didn’t realize that somebody else would take it so seriously. We’ll just tell everybody that we didn’t break up, or that we got back together, or whatever…”

Richie pushed himself up on his elbows and smirked. “You know, Eddie my love, we suddenly have great potential right here. Don’t you remember what it was like? Back in Derry… all the sneaking around, the thrill of getting caught all the time? What an adrenaline rush!”

“What a constant risk of anxiety attack you mean,” Eddie corrected, but he was grinning too. “But yeah, it was pretty exciting. What’s your point?”

“What if… and really hear me out here, Eds… we just let them think we were broken up?”

Panic moved quickly across Eddie’s face. “You want to break up? Richie, what the fuck, since when, why didn’t you-“

Richie clapped a hand over Eddie’s panic-rambling mouth. “No, no, shut up, I don’t want to break up. Ever. Jesus Christ, no. I’m just saying… if we let everybody think we’re broken up, we could have that thrill of sneaking around again. It could be fun, you know, keeping it a secret. Kind of kinky, definitely hot.”

Eddie still didn’t look convinced, but his cheeks had started to warm up under the idea. “It would never work. You couldn’t pull it off.”

Richie made a loud, offended noise. “I couldn’t pull it off? You’re the one who won’t be able to keep their hands off all of this.” Richie gesturing up and down his body, waggling his eyebrows.

“I’d fake puking right now, but you’re wearing those stupid grey sweats and you know I’m weak for them,” Eddie muttered under his breath, looking highly put out. Richie burst out laughing and draped himself around Eddie’s mid-section. He pressed his face into his stomach and blew a raspberry over top of Eddie’s T-shirt. “Admit it, Eddie Spaghetti, you would absolutely blow it before I would. Without a doubt.”

Eddie tangled his hand in Richie’s messy curls, pushing him away from his stomach, but keeping his fingers deep in the curls. “Care to put your money where your trash mouth is, Tozier?”

“First off all,” Richie grinned before bouncing forward and kissing Eddie deeply. He dug his teeth into Eddie’s body lip and tugged slightly. Eddie made a small whimpering noise when Richie pulled back, when only caused Richie grin to grow. “You love my Trashmouth and all the trashy things it can do. Secondly, when have you ever known me to turn down a bet?”

“Not often enough,” Eddie looked mildly horrified, no doubt remembering the stupid ass things Richie had done on bets and dares in the many years he’d known him. “But we can discuss the arrangements of this bet you’re going to loose those your fucking pants off?”

Richie cackled.

[whining-ego]

Blog update: first post

tw: abuse

music in my earphones is too distracting for me to write the greeting

this blog is deficated to me, wholely, solely, purely to me, my ego, and my whining. and i know it might get negativity. i do. but honestly will i even remember this blog in a week or so

but hey, babbling bout oneself is totes fine, innit? there are ton of blogs out there. nothing special. and i dont claim myself to be neither special nor ordinary. because either option is egoistic as fuck, (only in relation to me dont worry). with this much build-up, take that: i think im mentally ill/neurodivergent, and the diagnoses change day to day, and thats what i base my life on

hooray yer so special!!! congratz!!!

and i dont wanna change. like if i ever got diagnozed with anything, (even not on list), id be 'ooohhhh yuuuhhhh!' and. done. ima not gonna change my life for better. meds? cool. talk therapy? awesome. actually getting up yer ass up? understandable have a nice day

i dont know where it comes frome. perhaps its child abuse i experienced, something along the 'if im sick then people like and care for me' lines, yet honestly i cant remember most of the stuff or i feel great deattachement from the memories. either way, as i said, im not willing to change my lifestyle in any way.

thats why it might hurt people with actual diagnoses. because they struggle day to day to live their lives, theu fight for rights and understandement, then here i am with wild fantasias and 'please be patient im xxx' cap

(to be honest, i really see myself being called out. having drama. and it gets me excited and immersed into these scenarios. what would i answer, how to hide in case of total failure. i crave attention no matter the source apparently)

thats kinda why im making this blog. because i know my friends and relatives have their own problems; my whining is not worth their time. like when two people at the same day cried by my side (both in reality and in the internet) and i felt so. overwhelmed. like dayum bitch how do i comfort them??? never was my strong ability. so wasnt empathy. not tryna be an edgy kiddo here, but yea. egoism.

i wanted to do a listing of different diagnoses ive ever thought of having; most likely it will not be complete, since i dont remember vast majority of anything that was three days before.

currently, most suspicious of: inbetween adhd/autism, additionaly dissociation/depersonalization-derealization (the first one would explain both my childhood and present day, the latter is just something i have started to experience about half a year ago)

honorable mentions: depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, dysthymya, cyclothymia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, hoarding disorder, panic disorder, hypochondriacal disorder, dyslexia, schizophrenia, maladaptive daydreaming, and so on and so on and so on (like whole dsm list)

forgive me god for spamming in those peoples feed who will be looking for mentions of these above on tumblr

oh and also i want to become deaf. i know well that it would affect greatly my life, to the point i will suffer and suffer greatly, but everybody deserves a small guilty pleasure eh?

at different moment of my life i have immersed in these conditions soooooo much. researching information, projecting those disorders on my favourite characters in all sorts of ways (remember madd?), acting out real situations. it becomes my whole life. and then it shuts down and im not interested anymore. kinda like with everything else interesting, hence adhd.

and this blog will be a place where i can let myself out all i want. be as much of attention whore as i want. talk illogicaly and shitty and whatelse. heck yeah freedom

im not willing to change because i dont see a point. i love my comfort zone (fucking hate this phrase), i love being a stick in everybodys else bikes. and thats not a self-hate talk. i genuinely understand that i lack motivation or interest in changing, therefore i wont. if people leave me i just find different ones

(but i still believe it is not acceptable to talk this egoistically, to act this childlishly, not for me not for me. had really bad times because of this way of thinking)

enjoy this paradize of selfishness and laziness! i love feedback

just dont me dicks youselves

________________________

ive been meaning to write this post since like 3pm and its 11pm now even though everything i had on my mind this whole time was "write this post!!!" but then i decided to reinstall os on my computer and it took three hours and after that i was too exhausted to do anything. so around time i started writing this i was surfing youtube and stuck on one particular video. i found it interesting but at the same time i needed to write! this! post! so i kept nervously watching the red line of time and simultaniouly wanting to turn on some music even though the video had audio and agggrhh. here we go. by the way i started writing This Post with this paragraph, not the main part, despite the fact that i dreamed so much about writing it. yay