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tigerdrop · 3 years

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hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

#asky #careposting

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resilientdolan · 4 years

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Drown (G.D)- part 4

A/N: IM SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO UPDATE FKSJSJS IVE BEEN BUSY AS HELL WITH WORK AND DEALING WITH MY SEPTOPLASTY SHIT BUT IM HERE AND FEELING BETTER!

Word-count: 1.5k

Summary: You went out to get some coffee with Ethan, which led you to find out that he knows about your crush towards Grayson. And later on, you discover something else that you don’t even want to know.

T/W: Angst

Tags: @bingexdolan aka my loyal ass reader, thanks for bearing with my ugly writing bye <3

———————————————————————

“Is he mad at me?,” Bianca mumbles before she takes a small sip of her iced latte, with her eyes locked with Ethan’s.

It’s one fine afternoon, and Bianca decided to spend some time with Ethan to catch up with him. He’s usually pretty busy, but apparently today’s her lucky day that he agreed to get some coffee with her. So here she is, with Ethan sitting in front of her. But just him, Grayson’s not coming.

Ethan tilts his head aside for a bit, with his brows scrunched. “It’s not like he’s mad... Maybe more like upset because you chose Declan,” he shrugs.

A soft sigh escapes her as she sets her plastic cup of iced latte down on the table. “But why? He knows Declan. Okay, what if— he’s no longer a douche?,” She replies.

Ethan shakes his head as he shifts his gaze from her, to the view outside the window. “You know, the point is, he doesn’t like Declan. Douche Declan, or Nice Declan, still no from him,” Ethan says.

“True, though,” She replies lazily. “Anyways, where is he?,” Again, she shifts her gaze back to Ethan.

His shoulders rise and fall into a shrug as he speaks. “It’s August 1st. Grayson and Isla’s second anniversary.”

Oh. She can feel her heart shattered into pieces as soon as he mentions that girl’s name, followed with the word ‘anniversary’.

“So they’re going out?”

Jesus, Bianca, why are you so nosy—

“Hmm, I don’t know. He mentioned about having a dinner with Isla to celebrate their anniversary, but also he’s been watching a lot of cooking shows on TV. Maybe he’s chefin’ up?,” Ethan guesses.

He’s willing to cook for his girl? God, if only that lucky girl was her.

“Such a gentleman...,” Bianca mumbles to herself. Ethan chuckles.

“So... they’re probably at your place?,” Again, she asks.

“No, I think they’re going to celebrate it at Isla’s. Mom doesn’t really like Isla and her bitchy attitude,”

“Wait, does Grayson know?,”

“He knows. Mom told him about it like few weeks ago. She told him that Isla’s vibe is just a big no, and I agree,” Ethan explains.

And he’s still keeping her? Such a gentleman, right?

Yes, but not hers.

“Anyways, thanks for helping me with the Biology last night. I finished my test real quick, thanks to you,” Ethan out of nowhere decides to change the topic.

Bianca just gives him a slight nod. “You’re welcome, I’ll try to help you as long as I can,” She shrugs.

Ethan gently taps his fingers against the cold surface of the table lying between them for a while before he finally says something that she has never expected.

“Why would Grayson choose Isla when he got you, Bi?”

Ethan—

“What do you mean?,” Bianca furrows her brows.

“Like... You’re beautiful, you’re nice, and he has known you for years, so why did he have to choose Isla over you?”

She keeps her mouth shut.

“And you’re smart. Like, you can be his tutor slash girlfriend but he ended up dating a seeking attention whore like Isla? God,” Ethan grumbles.

“Ethan—“

“Bianca, he’s dumb! He should’ve picked you instead of Isla,” he mutters.

Bianca shakes her head as she arches her brow. “What if... I��m not into your brother?”

Ethan quickly shifts his gaze back to her the moment she says it. A sarcastic chuckle comes out of his lips, followed with another unexpected thing.

“Don’t be silly, Bianca. You’ve been crushing on him all this time.”

She remains silent, shaking her head. “I told you that I’ve been talking to De—“

“My ass.” Ethan cuts her off real quick. “Yeah, like lately, but how about years ago, Bi?” he attacks her.

Silence.

“Everybody knows that you’re into Grayson. It’s not that I’m mad at you for crushing on him, but the fact that he’s acting all blind makes me sick,” Ethan doesn’t even give her a chance to defend herself.

“E...”

“Tell me I’m right,” he demands.

He knew it all. And there’s nothing she can do to cover it up anymore. Her crush towards Grayson is no longer a secret.

Bianca nods her head slowly as she brings her hand up to run her fingers through her dark locks. “Maybe we’re not meant to be, Ethan,” she mumbles.

“What if you’re actually meant to be with him?,” Again, another strike back from Ethan.

“I—I don’t know...” she mumbles. She can feel her cheek burning red and her eyes start to water.

Don’t cry, Bi.

“I believe so, but my brother’s just dumb,”

She loses it.

She brings the back of her hand up to her face to wipe the tears away, trying her best to act that Grayson and Isla ain’t shit to her, but she just can’t.

“Ethan, I want no one but him...” she sniffles. “But maybe the wait is over, I gotta move on. If he’s happy with Isla, then I deserve my happiness too,” she adds.

Ethan lets out a soft sigh as he reaches his hand out to tuck a strand of hair to the back of her ear. “Hey, sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he coos softly. “But, you know... I got your back. If you feel it’s the time to let go, then do it, Bi. I want nothing but the best for you,” he adds once again, this time, with a small smile in his face.

“We’ll see, I just hope talking to Declan can help me to move on, you know? Starting fresh...”

“I understand,” he nods.

That’s when exactly Ethan’s phone beeps. He quickly checks the latest notification popping into his phone. Turns out it’s from Lisa.

“Hey, I know a way to brighten up your mood,” he grins.

“Huh?,”

“Don’t you miss... this?,” Ethan hands his phone to her, showing a picture sent by Lisa.

Her home made cinnamon rolls. Bianca’s favorite.

“I’ll drive you home later, but right now, let’s get you some of your all time favorite one, Dolan’s home-baked cinnamon rolls,” he chuckles as he gets up from his seat.

Maybe he’s right. Maybe some cinnamon rolls can help.

———————————————————————

“Thanks, Auntie Lisa,” Bianca speaks once she finish her second roll. Lisa gives her a quick nod as she sits on the couch in the living room, joining Bianca and Ethan.

“Hey, no need to thank me. You’re just in luck,” Lisa replies, taking a small sip of her hot chamomile tea.

“Well, I think I need to thank Ethan for dragging me here, then,” Bianca nudges Ethan’s rib playfully as he leans against his seat.

“I know you love Mom’s cinnamon rolls, soo,” Ethan replies quickly.

“Anyway, Ethan, where’s Grayson?,” Lisa asks.

“At Isla’s, I think?,” the twin brother replies lazily. “It’s their anniversary, so I think they’re celebrating it there, maybe?,” he adds.

“He didn’t tell me about that,” Lisa sighs.

“Because we all don’t give a damn about him and Isla. So he thinks he has nothing to tell about when it comes to their relationship,” Ethan rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Bianca’s just there, sitting in complete silence as she tries to process the fact that Grayson keeping his relationship private from his family, all because they dislike Isla.

“He’ll come home soon, Ma. No worries. If you’re tired, get some rest, I’ll wait for him,” Ethan suggests.

“How about Bianca?,”

“Easy, I’ll drive her home later,” Ethan convinces her once again.

“Ah, alright. Let me get some rest, it’s been a tiring day,” Lisa stands up from her seat as she gives Bianca another smile. “Thanks for coming, dear,” she adds.

Bianca gives her a thumb up and a smile as she watches her heading upstairs to her room.

“Relax and have another roll if you want, Bi,” Ethan points at the last cinnamon roll on the plate. Bianca lazily shakes her head as she lean against the seat.

Her mind wanders. Thinking about him.

Grayson.

And that’s when the door opens, and she can hear the sound of a light jog.

It’s him, he’s home.

“I’m home!,” Grayson’s voice echoes.

“You didn’t tell Mom about your anniversary plan?,” Ethan replies.

Bianca chooses to remain silent, to observe his reaction at the fact she’s there post the argument night. He walks into the room and sits on the vacant spot next to Ethan, all smile.

God, there he is. Making her weak with his smile, though she doesn’t even know the reason why.

“Oh, hi, Bi!,” he finally greets her, with a cheeky grin across his lips.

“Are you on drugs or what, Bro?,” Ethan frowns.

“Why?”

“Being all happy like this? Kinda weird...,” Ethan hums.

“Just, excited about the anniversary” he replies.

Oh, one knife thrown to her chest by Grayson Bailey Dolan.

“Mhm, dinner?,” Ethan asks.

“Yeah, yeah, we cooked, and had dinner together. And I gave Isla a necklace, the one that I showed you few weeks ago, remember?,” Grayson continues.

“I do remember,” Ethan nods.

He gave her a necklace? Second knife.

“And... you know... we did it,” he lowers his voice that it nearly sounds like a whisper.

“Did what?,” Ethan’s brows furrow.

“That...” Grayson rolls his eyes, getting annoyed at Ethan being lame.

“You and Isla...,” Ethan mumbles.

“No worries, protection, bro,” Grayson replies.

Protection?

“Wait, you and Isla had...” Ethan turns his gaze to Grayson, then back to Bianca.

“Yes, Ethan. We did it,” Grayson exclaims proudly.

Third knife to her chest.

#grayson dolan #douche!gray #grayson blurb #grayson dolan fic #highschool!gray #tgabs'write

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lukesbum · 5 years

Text

Dark Heart: Part One

a/n: hi guys/anyone who stumbles upon this! this is my first fic and i’ve been wanting to write this story for a while, so if there are any kinks please give me some slack until i get the hang of things!! like/share/give me feedback!! im going to be posting this in parts and i think there are going to be a lot! im already editing part two, so give that a read when i post it!!

a hogwarts!5sos fic. enjoy.

_____________________________________________________________

Rosemary hated potions.

The professor never had office hours, the room smelt like burning hair, and frankly she just wasn’t very good at it. She would read and read and read, practice tons, and had potions memorized to the point where she could recite the ingredients like you could recite the alphabet, but for some ungodly reason her perfectly measured components would blend together in every and any way but the way they should have.

Her best friend Mikey would try to help her out, he showed her all of his tips and tricks that earned him an A in potions every year, but his tricks weren’t in the recipe. If she couldn’t even master the recipe then why in god’s name would she stray from it???

“My way is just so much easier, Rosie.” Mikey would say, shaking his head and laughing at the frizz her hair was taking on by the second. “If you do what I’m telling you to do then it’ll make it easier to get a perfect end result.”

“Mikey, I can’t just...not follow the directions.” Rosemary had told him this time after time, but he just wouldn’t drop it.

It wasn’t until her professor asked her to stay after one day that she regretted not listening to her friend.

“I want you to work with Ashton on your upcoming project. He’s my top student, you could learn a lot from him.”

“Who even is Ashton?” The thought of working with a stranger on something that was such a large part of her grade put a pit in her stomach and she could feel her palms beginning to sweat. “And isn’t Michael top of the class? I’ve been working with him and-”

“I adore Michael, I really do, and while he has been earning nearly perfect scores I think Ashton would be a much better teacher.” The professor shrugged and gave Rosemary a small smile.

“Well, why can’t I just meet with you? I know you don’t do office hours but-”

“Miss Dare, please. You’ll be working with Ashton Irwin and that’s final. I’ve asked him to meet you here tomorrow at noon, does that work?”

Rosemary just nodded, not wanting to talk back to her professor for a second time.

She didn’t even have the energy to go back to the common room, solving a riddle did not sound appealing when Rosemary was giving herself a headache from worrying so much. Rosemary had her friends and that was that. She never really went beyond them because her anxious interior presented a somewhat bitchy exterior that strangers got a taste of and chose to leave it at that. Even Calum considered never talking to her after the first night they met. After both being sorted into Ravenclaw, the two shy first years found themselves seated together at a then very intimidating table full of older kids who already knew each other. Rosemary kept giving Calum clipped answers to all of his questions and wouldn’t look up from the plate she was picking at. To say he was surprised when she sat with him in the common room the next day- even if they just sat in silence while he drew in his sketchbook and Rosemary read- would be an understatement.

Later, Rosemary found herself sitting with Calum and one of his friends- a Gryffindor- in the great hall for dinner. His friend was okay, she had met him more than a few times at this point and could tolerate him for the time she was forced to hang out with him (Calum never forced Rosemary to hangout, but she wasn’t going to deny Calum of having one other friend just because of her pre-decided dislike towards Gryffindors).

“Luke,” She interrupted whatever Calum was saying to pose her question. “Do you know an Ashton?”

“Ashton Irwin?”

“Uh,” Rosemary pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “I think so. Do you know anything about him?”

“Do I?” Luke let out a mix between a laugh and a sigh. “Yeah I know him. Why? You fancy him?”

“No. No, god no. I don’t even know who he is. My potions professor wants me to work with him on our next project.” With a shrug, she chose to omit the fact that the reason she was paired with him was because he was exelling and she was not.

Luke tapped his ringed fingers against the table, he was always trying to add something different to his uniform to make it..well, less uniform. Rings, painted nails, even makeup were all things he dabbled in. Honestly, Luke was hot. If it weren’t for the gossip Mikey had told her about how he’s been working his way around all the Hufflepuffs in their year then she would totally go for him.

“Well, Ashton’s a bit of a dick. I don’t think he’s rude, but he’s not pleasant to be around. I had divination with the blockhead and he was just kind of an asshole, didn’t even try and wrote off the class as bullshit.” Luke shrugged. “I got on well with him though. Overall a nice guy, I’m sure he’ll cooperate for your project.”

Rosemary nodded, the information made her a little less on edge about the whole situation. “Thanks. I’m meeting him tomorrow at noon.”

“Where?”

She looked at Calum with her brows drawn together. “The potions classroom?? Where else?”

“I just wanted to know. Jeez.”

With that the raven haired girl let out a sigh and started to stand. “Can we go now? Both of us?”

Calum rolled his eyes. “You just go, ya grump. I’ll meet you later.”

“Calum I just don’t have the energy to stand there and not be able to figure out the riddle. Last time a first year had to let me in. A first year.” Rosemary pouted. “Please? I’ll give you whatever homework answers you want.”

“You really think I trust your potions homework?” Calum smiled and stood. “Bye Luke.”

___

Rosemary had been sitting in the potions room since five minutes before noon and twenty minutes later she was still alone. Leave it to her to not appreciate Mikey’s help and be left to work with some lazy, rude, probably overall dumb-

“Are you Rose?”

Rosemary jumped from her stool and placed a hand over her chest. Jesus. Very smooth

“Hello?? Don’t tell me you’re stupid and deaf.”

She finally turned to face him. “Excuse me?”

And she thought Luke was hot.

Ashton was tall and had broad shoulders, his hair fell in loose waves to the nape of his neck and one curl sat on his forehead. He wore his uniform without a tie and had his pant legs rolled so you could see his deep green socks peeking out. His sleeves were rolled to his elbows exposing his forearms.

The boy smirked and walked towards her, placing a book down on the table and leaning back on it with his elbows. Rosemary took in his uniform one more time, of course he was a Slytherin. His whole presence just carried cockiness with it and, frankly, she didn’t have the patience for that.

“You heard me. I’m Ashton by the way.” He stuck out a hand and all she could do was stare at his lopsided grin and bite the inside of her cheek. “Pleasure.”

Turning away from him, she opened her textbook and leaned forward to read the directions printed inside of it.

“Are you ready to start?” Ashton took a step closer to you, he was too close now and you could hear your heart beating in your ears.

Rosemary cleared her throat. “Yeah, but can you not stand so close to me?”

“Why sweetheart? Am I making you nervous?”

“Just-” She took a deep breath. “Personal space. Please.”

Surprisingly, Ashton moved to stand on the other side of the table and set himself up across from her. Once everything was in its place he held his hands out in front of himself. “Good?”

“Uh. Yeah, thanks.” She set up her own cauldron and avoided his eyes. “And it’s Rosemary.”

“What?”

“My name isn’t Rose. It’s Rosemary.”

Ashton let out a chuckle and raised a brow at her. “Same thing, darling.”

“Rosemary.” She huffed, seeing how her afternoon was going to turn out.

“Fine. Rosemary. Let’s start.”

Ashton turned out to be an okay teacher, just not a very friendly one. He followed what was written exactly and worked at a slow pace so Rosemary could keep up. She couldn’t help but stop to look at him a couple times, how could she have not noticed him before? His confident stature was one that demanded attention and even the sound of his voice was sexy. With tousled hair and large hands that knew exactly when to reach up and adjust it, she couldn’t see one flaw in his appearance. Even the flaw she could detect, his attitude, seemed forgivable when she was looking at him; his eyes and jawline, his prominent adam’s apple, and-

“Hello, did you hear me? Let’s call it a day, my arms are starting to get sore from stirring.” Ashton pushed a strand of lock from his forehead and shut his book, looking up at Rosemary as if inviting her to do the same.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Are you doing anything right now?”

She stared at him for a moment.

What?

“You mean after this?”

Ashton shrugged. “Well we’re done now so. What are you doing now?”

“Oh, uh,” Rosemary started packing things into her bag and kept her eyes trailed on the ground. “I’m supposed to meet with my friend Michael and-”

“Fuck him. Come with me.”

Excuse me? “Michael is my best friend so-”

“He’s a Puff right? I know ‘im. It’s fine, he won’t mind.”

“What? How-”

“Well we-”

“Ashton.” Rosemary rolled her eyes and swung her bag over her shoulder. “Stop interrupting me. It’s really fucking rude.”

“Watch your mouth, sweetheart.” Ashton’s smile fell and he took a step towards her.

Oh. Rosemary’s mouth went dry and she knew the right reaction should be anger. The audacity of this boy to tell her how to speak as if she were a child? How dare a complete stranger stand there and reprimand you with that look. Although those were truly her thoughts, her body betrayed her. Her breath hitched in her throat and she knew Ashton could tell, her bottom lip went between her teeth and she felt heat in her cheeks.

“C’mon. You’ll have fun.” Ashton passed Rosemary and at the same time took her bag from her shoulder, shrugging it onto his own and standing in the doorway, expectantly. “Please?”

As if she had a choice.

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negasonicimagines · 5 years

Text

Hello / Wonderwall

good fucking night I haven’t posted in like a bajillion years I’m so sorry jdklfldkfjs “anyways here’s wonderwall” (lol anyone remember that meme) anyways this is inspired by two things

1) this request: i just listened to adele and my heart is shattered and my angsty soul loves it so could i ask you to write ellie x reader where they're not dating but reader has a crush on ellie and she finds out but neither of them want to be in a relationship because 'feeling things sucks and i dont wanna' something like that because they're both really closed off tough people. and they love eachother and dont want to and its complicated and ugh ANGSTY. im really sorry i hope you're having a great day!!😀💞💞 [btw sorry if i didn’t fill this properly i did my best but my writers’ block is literally THE WORST and has been for a really long time(duh)]

2) This really cool mashup of Adele’s “Hello” and everyone’s favorite Oasis song, “Wonderwall.” It fucking slaps and TOTALLY suits this imagine. If there’s any way you could listen to it and read this at the same time, I recommend it. It’s what I listening to when I was writing it (that and Adele’s “Chasing Pavements.”)

Anyways, enjoy! Who knows when the next one’ll be out, amiright?

Ellie didn’t like love. Even platonic or familial love was shrugged off. It just… Wasn’t her thing. It was too dangerous for mutants, the world. Forget emotions.

You’re new here, at the school. Wade’s forced you to quit your previous line of work, saying that “you’re too damn young to be killin’ people for a living!” You’d rolled your eyes, but agreed that a break would be nice. So, now, you’re being shown around by a charmingly bitchy girl that’s around your age, maybe a smidge older.

“This is the art room, and, um, that about covers it. So, uh, just go away now.”

“Are you not going to show me where my room is?” You ask, letting your eyebrows arch skeptically.

“And how would I know where your room is?” She inquires in response. Where she was the rude kind of standoffish, you were the polite, distant type.

“It’s the same as yours, Negasonic,” you carefully inform her, gauging her reaction.

“It’s- It’s what?”

“Did no one tell you?” you wonder. “That’s weird.”

“Very. Whatever, come on. At least you’re not extra annoying,” she sighs, and you follow her down to the dorms, your suitcase rolling behind you.

“Thanks,” you chuckle a little, and she twitches, her eyes flickering to yours for a moment. The ghost of a smile phases across her lips, disappearing just as subtly as it appeared.

“Alright, now…” She looks at her phone. “Yeah, now, it’s time for training. Depending on your mentor, you’ll have different times. Who’s your mentor?”

“Oh, uh, Emma Frost?” You tell her looking at your schedule.

“You’ll be with me, then. Training with me. Piotr and Ms. Frost’s students train together, I guess because they both have weird skin. Emma’s is temporary, but still. Let’s move.”

“Okay,” you respond, walking with her to the gym.

“If you need any sort of protective gear, it’ll be in the closet by the entrance.”

“I think I’ll be alright,” you say, taking what she said more as a challenge than a helpful tip. She scoffs, rolling her eyes.

But when you catch a glimpse of the light smirk she’s wearing, electricity sparks through you. (Not literally, don’t worry. Your mutation is different and not embarrassing in that way.)

Two weeks later, you and Ellie are fast friends...And maybe more.

“Gaga okay?” she asks.

“Duh!” you respond, scrolling through your twitter feed. “So, whose stans are we trolling tonight?”

“What’s your mutation, anyway? You never did say.”

“Ah, it’s lame,” you brush her off.

“Wade doesn’t think it’s lame… But that’s not really saying much, is it? Damn, sorry,” Ellie chuckles. She smiles more around you than anyone else, but you’re not sure why. Not yet.

“I just… People tend to think less of me when they hear. It’s a bit destructive.”

“You did not just say that to me,” Ellie delivers a surprisingly good rebuttal.

“Well, uh… Basically, by coming into direct contact with it through touch, I can temporarily gain access to their abilities and sometimes even their knowledge. If I consume it, it lasts longer or can even be permanent. Kinda perfect for a kill-for-hire. Not so much for a normal high school girl, though,” you admit shyly. Ellie’s dead silent.

You look to your crush, nervously, and she looks awe-struck.

“That’s so fucking cool. I wish I could become stronger by giving someone a bloody nose. I’d do it all the time. No wonder you killed people for a living.”

“If only everyone saw it that way,” you tell her with a relieved smile. “I can’t believe the stoic Ellie Phimister just called me cool.” Don’t blush, Y/N, don’t blush, you beg yourself.

“Don’t let it get to your head. I once called Wilson cool.”

“He’s not so bad. He’s the reason I’m here.”

“He is?” Remind me to thank him, she thinks. “Hey, listen. I know we didn’t get off to the best start, and uh… I just wanted to say that… I think you’re really awesome.”

“Well, thank-”

“No, that’s not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say is that, uh… I’m not really much of a romantic or anything, but I really like you. And I normally wouldn’t ever tell a girl that I liked I like her, because then she would stop talking to me and also hate me forever, I think. But you seem… Different.”

Oh shit. You’re glad your crush likes you back, but...I know what I have to do. I just fucking hate it. “Listen, I’m sorry for giving you the wrong impression, but I don’t like you that way. At all. You’re just my roommate that I really like as a friend. We probably wouldn’t even be friends if we weren’t roommates.”

“But we are roommates.”

“Then I should probably change rooms.”

“Wow. I never thought I’d be the asshole who turns into a, well, a fucking asshole when I get rejected, but I guess I am that kind of asshole. Maybe it’s because I know you’re full of shit. Fuck you, Y/N.”

You sigh, and she turns the music off as you leave the room, making your way to the offices. It’s the early evening, so it’s likely either Jean Grey or Professor Xavier is still in their office.

An hour later, you return. Your efforts were fruitless.

*Guess it’s likely time to make with the apologies, see if she’ll at least treat me with civility after the stunt I pulled.*

“I tried to get a room change. It looks like there isn’t anywhere else for me to go.”

“Then just get out of the school, you murderous scum,” Ellie fires.

*Guess not.*

“Oh shit,” you say, trying not to let the hurt show. She knew how insecure you were, how you just knew that’s what everyone here really thought about you. You’d told her that. Foolishly opened up to her, knowing it’d end like this, or worse.

But in the end, you knew you deserved it for pushing her away. Shattering her blackened heart.

“You’re right. I’ll start packing my things now.”

*Wait,* Ellie thought, but her pride had its hand over her mouth. Don’t go. Don’t be like everyone else.

But, faster than she thought possible, you’re out the door. Guess you hadn’t taken root in this place as deeply as she’d fooled herself.

There’s a knock on the door about ten minutes later.

“Go away!” Ellie yells, throwing a random textbook at the door.

“Why did Y/N leave?” Wade asks through said door.

“Because she’s a stupid fucking liar! Go away!”

“Oh yeah? Well, that stupid fucking liar is gonna get us both in trouble if she we don’t retrieve her, so get the hell up, Negasonic Punkass Mean Teen Queen!”

Ellie begrudgingly gets off her ass and opens the door, hoping that Wade doesn’t notice the eyeliner that’s lightly stained her cheeks, or, at least, that he doesn’t point it out. He seems to have enough courtesy to do at least the latter.

“Tracked her phone to here,” He says, looking at his own phone and walking towards a door. Ellie follows, but stands off to the side when he opens the door.

“Go away.”

“That’s funny, that’s exactly what your little girlfriend said when I knocked on her door.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” you disagree.

“Then why are you running away? You only run away when you like someone, you’re always willing to stick around for a fight. It used to be a good quality, when you were doing a job no kid should be doing. I really should’ve pulled you outta that life sooner, but I knew you wouldn’t’ve listened to me,” Wade admits, unintentionally explaining a *lot* about you.

“She’s not like you, Wade. She can die. I’m not risking that for some cheesy teen romance that’ll probably last around two dates and then fizzle off into us being acquaintances,” you argue, peeking out the window to notice you ex-friend, ex-something, at least, outside. Shit. But you know the truth:

“If you really felt that way, kid, you wouldn’t bother running away.” He continues in a grave, lowered tone: “You wouldn’t have bothered hurting her. If you were anyone else, I’d’ve kicked your stupid ass. You’re lucky.”

“I wouldn’t consider myself lucky.”

“Ellie fucking Phimister told you that she liked you. Like, as a person. You’re luckier than anyone else I’ve ever met.”

You roll your eyes. “Just go away. And take Ellie fucking Phimister with you.”

“Can’t say I didn’t try, kid.”

“I wouldn’t bother telling anyone about this. Go,” you say, slamming the door in his face and sliding down it to the ground, hiding your face in your hands. Your life was so unbelievably fucked.

You let yourself cry, thinking no one’s there to listen. And then there’s a knock on the window. You look to find Ellie there.

“Let me in, asshole,” she says, her voice muffled by the glass. You open the door, too tired to say no. You were so tired, you realized. Tired of running. Tired of fighting. Tired of being so fucking alone.

“You fucking idiot,” she says, pulling you in for a hug, her head buried in your chest. “You fucking idiot.” She pulls away, telling you: “You keep forgetting that I’m just as tough as you are. What am I gonna have to, arm wrestle you?”

You laugh harder than you should, the laughter dissolving into tears.

“I’m so sorry,” you tell her.”I just- I’m not used to people being safe around me. I’m so used to being the most dangerous person in the room, I- I’m sorry for forgetting that you’re- You’re a fucking force of nature, E. I’ll do anything for you to forgive me for being such a fucking scumbag.”

“Just shut up with the apologies, okay? You- Make it up to me by paying for our first date, yeah?”

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea-”

“Well, I do. And, listen: I’m sorry, too. I should’ve realized that just throwing my feelings on you wasn’t the best course of action. I’m not the only person in the world with people issues, and I seem to forget that sometimes. So, let’s have people issues together, okay?”

“I-”

She fixes you with an impatient stare.

“Okay,” you sigh, smiling. “I paid for a night here, do you just want to stay?”

“Yeah. I’d like that, actually. I…”She hesitates, searching your expression for something. “I call big spoon.”

#ellie phimister #ellie phimister imagine #ellie phimister x reader #negasonic teenage warhead #negasonic teenage warhead x reader #negasonic teenage warhead imagine #negasonicteenageimagines #x men #fanfiction #x reader #imagine #marvel #marvel fanfiction #x men fanfiction #deadpool #deadpool fanfiction

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prompt-master · 6 years

Text

That Is SO Not Normal

@discorded-noodle-popcorn asked: okay it might be because its midnight and im like…dead…but i would kill for a fic where max gets the stomach flu but throws up magical items and Neil is SCREECHING AT HARRISON TO MAKE IT STOP BEFORE MAX DIES. Harrison doesnt know and Max is like…wanting to die. Mind freakers freaked my mind.

I wrote this in exchange for some REALLY cool art of my OCS and I love it so much

“Are you sure he isn’t just being dramatic?” Nikki tilted her head towards the tent were Max lay, currently digging for worms while Neil stood cross armed in front of her.

“Surprisingly he isn’t just being a pussy this time…he looked really bad last I saw him.”

Nikki paused, pulling a worm right out of the ground and dangling it in front of her face. She gave Neil a confused glance, “so you just left him there?”

Neil crossed his arms tighter around his chest, instsntly getting defensive, “I’ll have you know that that tent is a close confined death trap made to keep all those disgusting germs inside. No offense to Max but I don’t feel like joining him.”

Nikki shrugged, the worm now in her mouth, “That’s fair. I think? Or maybe you’re just stupid.”

“Excuse me I am not-”

Neil was cut off by David coming out of the tent, the tense smile he gave was all Neil needed to see.

David clasped his hands together and stood up tall, “Not to worry kids! Max doesn’t exactly look good but I’ll whip up some of my mom’s famous recipe for soup! And by my mom I mean that nice lady on the cooking channel”

Nikki shrugged, “I’m not worried. Max is just sick because nature is picking off the weak ones.”

David gave a small tsk at that comment and inhaled through his nose, opting for ignoring that comment, “but! Max looks pretty bad right now. Can I trust one of you two to watch after him while I’m making it?”

Neil leaned against a flag post, “last time I checked there were two counselors here.”

“Ah. Yes. Gwen. She’s uh…busy helping Dolph with his art. I say we let her encourage creativity while you guys practice independence!”

Neil sighed, “I guess I can watch him. So if he starts dying do I just scream or something?”

David laughed, walking away, “Or something!”

“That was a shitty answer…” Neil rubbed his forehead, really wishing he’d taken a better look at the brochure for this dump. He grabbed the opening of the tent and turned to Nikki, “You coming or what?”

“Me? No I’m not really in the mood for an insane out of the norm quirky adventure today, I’ll stick with my worms”

“Whatever you say…” he mumbled under his breath, walking into the tent.

He sighed, “Max? You in here-? Good god.”

Max looked awful. He was curled up in his blanket, hoodie off. His shaking fingers were tightly gripping the blanket for dear life. Little groans came from his restless state every now and then, eyelids so tightly clenched there was no way he was asleep. He was sweating, he was pale, shaking, and flushed, he was clearly miserable.

Neil came over to his bed, looking almost distressed, “What the hell am I supposed to do..”

Max barely opened his eyes at the sound of Neil’s voice, after a while of sluglishly slow scanning he locked onto him.

“Oh..hey Max..are you oka-”

Max groaned and lifted his hands up from under his blanket to dig palms into his eyes, “Good Hell you guys are so annoying.”

Neil crossed his arms, all feelings of worry instantly dripping away, “Excuse me?”

“You and Nikki right outside my fucking tent like a couple of annoying ass kindergartners who can’t sleep on Christmas. Then you let David walk right into my tent with his annoying voice-”

Neil rolled his eyes “Maybe you aren’t so sick after all. You sound like you can take care of yourself”

Max shrugged, rolling back into his blanket so that his back was facing Neil, “Whatever. Go then.”

Neil sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He just didn’t do well with sick people. He didn’t wanna get sick himself, fuck that. Besides Max is pretty bitchy and the last thing he wants is to deal with that some more.

He stood up, “Suit yourself. But since your sick I’ll let you have some of my coffee for just today.”

Max groaned, his body curling up even more. Worryingly enough he didn’t even respond, just shook his head miserably.

Neil frowned, “Yeah just…scream if you need something I guess.”

He turned to leave the tent, wanting to kill time with Nikki or Space Kid when he heard a nauseating gag. He looked back at Max to find him leaning over the edge of his bed and heaving. Neil froze up, eyes taking every detail in the few seconds before Max actually threw anything up. The way Max shook, the way his skin was an unhealthy color, his hair was flat and knotted, sweat ran from his forehead to his chin. Max let out another heave with the whole of his stomach, it sounded painful, almost stuck. And then he paused to catch his breath.

Neil ran over to him, his mind finally catching up to the situation, “Damn Max you don’t look so good.” Well that was a stupid thing to say.

Max groaned miserably, “some..somethings wrong get…hng….get David.”

Neil’s eyes widened at that. If MAX wanted him to get David then damn he must he dying or about to start dying. Neil put a hand on Max’s back and cringed at the intense heat pooling through the cloth.

“That is not healthy.”

Max glared at him but it didn’t have the usual strength to it, in fact it barely held any malice. He opened his mouth to speak and then heaved again, Neil latted his back at the wet sound from his throat, looking away since he knew what was about to happen.

Neil didn’t see, but he still hated the nose of it falling to the floor, of the choked noises made around the sickness. He didn’t look again until Max gasped for breath, his shoulders trembling, “Fuck man…i-im gonna die.”

“What?” When Neil turned he saw a familiar sight he did not want to ever see again. Ever.

At the foot of Max’s bed was a pile of handkerchiefs, cards, and even a rabbit.

“Aw shit.”

Max swayed from where he sat, climbing back into his bed and leaning against the bed rest. He looked pained and miserable. The back of his hand wiped sweat from the side of his face, still letting out pants for air.

“I don’t think David can help this one” Neil cringed, watching the rabbit hop away. The way Max looked dizzier at the sight. When Neil grew closer to him Max grabbed his shirt and pulled him close with as much strength as he could manage.

“Listen…listen here Neil. I don’t care how much this magic shit bothers you. You get your flat ass out there and make Harrison stop this.” He groaned, arms letting go die to being too weak to hold on.

“Flat?” Neil frowned, trying to see his backside.

Max closed his eyes, “Come on man. Don’t leave me hanging again please.”

Neil frowned, “…I…I guess I could but-”

Max gagged, choking up another handkerchief, “oh god…”

“Ok ok!” Neil held up his hand in mild panic, “I’ll go just…stay here!” He stepped foot outside the tent, about to run off when Max spoke up again.

“Wait can you uh…can you still get David?”

Neil turned, about to point out how weird that was when he saw his fucking miserable the poor kid looked. Holding his stomach in pain, eyes clenched shut and a whimpering frown. Neil couldn’t say no to Max right now, not when his tone was practically begging for help.

“Yeah Max I’ll get him.”

He closed the tent, watching Max melt in relief.

He won’t make fun of Max for this. Not this time.

After getting David, Neil burst into magic camp where Harrison was trying to master creating water. He angrily stared down at the empty glass he had, shaking it slightly. He nearly dropped the glass when Neil screamed his name.

He turned to him, surprise on his face, “Ah Neil….why are you here…?”

Neil lifted an accusing finger, “You know exactly what the fuck I’m here for you peice of shit eating cunt!”

“No…no I don’t..”

Neil stomped across the crappily made stage and got in Harrison’s face, “You better fix whatever the fuck you did to Max!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about..” Harrison looked genuinely confused, still holding onto his glass.

“You and your stupid ‘magic’-”

“I told you Neil it is real-”

“Is going to get Max killed!”

“Killed?!”

Neil backed Harrison up against the back of his stage. Harrison, in his panic, created fire that swarmed out of the cup. Neil dropped down to the floor to avoid the flames while Harrison played hot potato with the now burning glass.

“Harrison what the fuck!”

“I’m sorry I’m sorry!” He yelled, trying to get the fire to relax, setting pretty much everything around then on fire, “You scared me!”

“Well make it stop!”

“I’m trying…! Just…! There!” He chucked the glass as far as he could, into the woods. They stared for a moment until large flames erupted from the horizon. Neil stood up, dusting himself off.

“…that looks like a Gwen problem to me.”

“Uh..agreed. now Neil can we please talk like civilized people?”

“Listen up Harrison. Max is doing that creepy fucking bullshit again and you better make it stop!

Harrison raised an eyebrow, "I still don’t know what you mean”

“He’s coughing up rabbits for Christ sake!”

“Oh…the Mind Freak…! But I did not do anything…”

“Well” Neil crossed his arms, glaring, “He’s sick and you’re making it worse”

Harrison actually looked genuinely guilty, he frowned and sunk in on himself, “I would like to help but…I do not know how fix it. That’s…why I’m here” he glanced towards the raging wild fire in the background, ignoring the sounds of screaming.

“Well Harrison. Figure it out. Because I’m pretty sure at the end of the next string of handkerchiefs we’re gonna find Max’s fucking actual real stomach!”

Harrison cringed, “please don’t put images in my head”

“Then get it work before I kick your fake ass Harrison!!”

Harrison scrambled for his wand, where he started reciting different magic words with a nervous smile. Neil backed away, but kept his eyes on Harrison creepily the entire time.

Since when did Neil get so protective?

When Neil came back to Max’s tent, he saw the shadow of David leaning over his bed. He was about to kick him out, but froze to listen in.

“You sure you’re gonna be ok Max?”

Max grumbled, but spoke with a soft broken voice, “whatever”

“I don’t mind bringing you to the doctor. Honest”

“Shut up David”

“I mean it. And if you’re really that home sick I’ll do whatever I can do-”

Max groaned, the sound making Neil cringe.

It apparently worried David too, his tone grew softer but more concerned, “Aw jeez bud you’re burning up. You got sick so fast too…”

Max sniffled, “I crave death”

“You’re gonna be ok Max, I promise. I’ll even let you drink soda when you’re better. Ah here, look at this cute little guy” through the shadows Neil saw David hand Max something, but he couldn’t see what it was “maybe he’ll help you feel better!”

There was a pause, Max silent. Who knew what he was thinking. What did David hand him?

Whatever it was, it was the right thing to do, because Max then said, “thanks David…”

Neil sighed, he couldn’t interrupt this. Besides…looking back at Harrison trying to fix the problem and David comforting Max, he thinks he’s done all he could.

Now he just had to wait for Max to get better.

#camp camp #cc #fan fic

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cyberstabbing · 7 years

Text

Non AUs/Somewhat Canon

Unequivocal - This is how it would have happened. 38k

Hear Me Out - It’s not so much the turning into a girl that’s a problem; that’s happened before. It’s the fact that Frank doesn’t turn back. 23k

Okay but this … was so much more than I could have hoped for. Definitely raised the bar for everything else.

Ice Cubes And Rubber Bands - “It’s hot.“

”Shut up.“

”It’s so fucking hot and I’m melting.“

“You’ve said that like fifty fucking times in a row now shut the fuck up and stop whining!” Frank grits through his teeth, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“It’s not my fault that we are stranded here in the middle of fucking nowhere, Frank”, Gerard says, a bitchy undertone in his voice. It almost sounds like he’s trying to pick a fight. Frank takes a deep breath and closes his eyes; it’s too fucking hot to deal with Gerard’s allures right now. 7k (if you include part two)

Breakdown on the L.I.E. - Frank jerked awake when his dream was interrupted by a squealing banshee, which turned out to be the van grinding and squealing to a halt. 6k

every man - “I won't—we’re a band, Marc,” Gee says, “I’m not—shit. I’m not the girl who stays home.” 1k

with the lights on - Frank is weirdly chivalrous in some ways. He always opens doors for her, he lights her cigarettes like he’s in a forties movie or something, and he always offers her the last seat, even if it means that he has to sit on the floor. 10k

Sparkle Motion - For the next week, Gerard woke up every morning to a new list of Words that Describe how Gerard is In Bed pinned on the fridge. It disappeared after one of them wrote, ‘Sparkle Motion’ because, Bob explained to Gerard, they felt they’d nailed Gerard’s essence with that one. 6k

A Natural Reaction to Rough-housing - He made it to the bathroom and stood there leaning heavily on the sink, staring at himself in the mirror. He didn’t look like a creepy sadist. But neither did Christian Bale, and that hadn’t ended well for anybody. 27k

Sweet Caffeine (and Love of Liberace) - In which Brian tasered them into it, Gerard read too many comic books as a kid, Jamia isn’t worried about anything, and Bob doesn’t wear a codpiece. 4k

Now Honey, Don’t You Cry - Frank has always had an irrational fear of thunder, but when it causes a breakdown beyond that of ‘irrational,’ Gerard vows to find the truth. 6k

Pavlov’s Dog - It’s during one of their coveted hotel nights that Frank finally has enough. 1k

Reaching Through The Mirror - The one where Party Poison and Basement!Gerard have sex. 5k

(part one of Time Travel ‘verse)

James Cameron Got It Wrong - In which 2005!Frank and Fun Ghoul get it on. Then Frank accidentally winds up in 2019. 56k

(part two of Time Travel ‘verse)

Whatever I Want (Whatever That Is) - The first time Frank walked in on Gerard going down a girl in the dressing room, he was pissed. 9k

Distance in the Afterlife - Gerard comes out. 15k

The One Where Ray Can Hear Sex Dreams - I’m really sorry, Mr. Toro. But I didn’t make you have sex with anyone, as per your request. 2k

Heart On - From early days touring in vans to Projekt Revolution, the tour crew swears that they’re not homophobic, they just don’t want to see that shit. Frank takes it as a personal challenge. 13k

I died laughing like 17 times.

Just A Spoonful - It’s actually something of a relief when Frank walks onto the bus to find Gerard learning how to sabotage a car. It’s better than the last time, anyway, when he was trying to snort coke through a rolled-up condom wrapper. Or the time before, when he was passed out in a pile of glass shards. All things considered, wrecking random cars would be a step up for him. 1k

When I Think About You (I Touch Myself) - Van!era bodyswap. Gerard is a narcissist. 2k

You’re so cute when you’re slurring your speech - If this is what Frank wants, then fuck it. Just fucking fuck it. Frank can have it.(Or, Frank wants to bone Gerard. So he does. A lot.) 8k

Ride - This is the coolest place the band has ever stayed at. 15k

jerseymisery wrote this description: okay this is an ULTRA FAVE!! the whole fic has such a dreamlike sort of quality to it? it gives me such great vibes of like summer and transience and SHIT LIKE THAT.. it’s set during bullets i’m pretty sure which is. COOL. it just feels like a snapshot, a moment in time.. i really like it. go read it! it’s frank x gerard and mikey x an oc.

ierohero's write-up: https://ierohero.tumblr.com/post/188897569757/im-reading-ride-again-theres-literally-no

Link to author (they also wrote some fics below)

Sick - It was sort of sick, since Frank was, like, younger than his little brother, but Gerard had wanted to kiss him from the very first second he saw him standing up on stage and smirking into the microphone.

“Who’s that?” he asked Mikey.“That’s Frank,” Mikey whispered back, like it was some big secret or something, hissing the words into Gerard’s ear. “That’s the guy I want you to meet.”

“Figures,” Gerard muttered. It just fuckin’ figured that the first guy he’d wanted to fuck in, like, a semester would be the one Mikey wanted for the band. 5k

Broke - Frank is sick. A companion piece to Sick. 5k

Fucked Up - It’s hard to describe the multitude of ways in which Frankie is fucked up, although Gerard keeps trying. He lies in his bunk at night listening to the other members of the band breathing, soft radiator hisses, the occasional snore, and tries to enumerate to himself what’s wrong with Frankie. He thinks that maybe if he can figure out what the problem is, he can fix it. He’s always been sort of an optimist. 1k

Reasons We Don’t - “Why don’t we fuck?” Frank asks, tipping his head back to blow smoke at the sky. 7k

subterfuge of tiny proportions - It usually takes Gerard hours to wind down from a show. He has this crazy wired look in his eyes when they come offstage, all sweaty and flushed and jittery. He touches people more, talks a little louder, a little faster. Even now, even after all this time, it still gets to him. The nervous energy, the screams of the crowd, the music. Frank watches him every night, because when he is like that, he’s beautiful. And because when the stage buzz wears off, he crashes, hard and fast. 1k

He Told Me I Could Never Go Back - Everything was fine until Frank disappeared. 2k

this broke my heart.

Up Against Your Will (HERE is the chapter index) - Stepping into a world so different from their own, Frank and Gerard struggle to survive. 18 chapters

this was amazing, but also hard to read in some parts, bc of the non con and gore :/ not my cup of tea, but I did love the word building and the fic overall.

When I Was a Little Girl - Frank is a dyke. Period. She doesn't like boys. At all. But if you squint (or you're drunk enough) sometimes Gerard totally looks like a girl. 26k

Silken - Gerard can't help but notice the way Frank bites his lip and shifts in his seat when an interviewer brings up his day in drag. Frank's almost normal when he nudges Gerard with his shoulder, raising his hands in the air and laughing, "Oh, yeah. Man, you should have seen him - like Christina Ricci, you know?" but Gerard can still see the imprint of his teeth on his lower lip and files that away while he relates the story about how the conductor was really nice to him and how he'd managed figure out how to sit without crushing anything vital by the end of the day. <1k

Pushy Little Fuck - "Anyone ever tell you, Iero, that you're a pushy little fuck?" Gerard says, rearranging Frank against his side.

Frank just grins at him and says, "S'my middle name." Frank Pushy Little Fuck Iero. There's a song in there somewhere. 1k

The Kind They'd Like to Flaunt - When Frank first meets Gee, officially, it's because Ray saw Frank from across the room and put him into a headlock to get him over to his booth. 1k

How Dirty Boys Get Clean - Gerard stinks. Frank convinces him that bath time can be such fun. 1k i think?? maybe 2k

Under My Skin - "Maybe," Gerard had said one night, scratching idly at Frank's scalp, "it was something you ate?" "Maybe," Ray said, "it was some kind of sex pollen." Frank growled and said, "maybe if you don't shut up right now I'm going to kick your ass." 1k

Body of a Venus (lord, imagine my surprise) - Gerard is dressed like a girl and decides to pay Frank a visit. 1k

Never Looked Better And You Can’t Stand It - For once, Frank is the self-conscious one. 1k

In the Dark - The problem wasn’t that Gerard was stupid; the problem was that he wasn’t always the most observant guy around. Sometimes he just misses things that maybe he should have noticed. He hadn’t thought anything of it the first time Frank had pushed his hands out from under his shirt and said, “I’d rather touch you.”

(Or the one where chubby!Frank is really self-conscious and avoids having sex with Gerard with the lights on.) 2k

Jane Doe - Frank meets a mystery girl at a party. When she turns out to be not such a mystery (and not such a girl), he’s forced to make some hard choices. Set in fall 2000. This isn’t an AU, but some details have been changed. 9 chapters

This fic, man… this fic… An amazing read (though unfinished). Really shows how unbalanced affection and care can be, and leaves you uncertain yet hopeful for their relationship. Here’s an excerpt:

”The heat’s on as high as it goes,“ Gerard said, glancing over with concern. Frank wondered if Gerard would have noticed his trembling if they hadn’t been making out feverishly just a few hours beforehand.

Edit 22/10/2019: I just found out there was a ninth chapter?? Holy shit okay lets go.

Moonlight Model - Frank's a photographer. Gerard's a model. Only not really. 1k

Pack - Frank's a very playful werewolf. 1k

I Wish I Were A Ghost - Halloween is Frank Iero's birthday. It's also the day when the veil between the world of the living and the dead is at it's thinnest.

A ghost-story. Short and sweet. 1k

Immutable - Frank and Gerard are sitting in bed, talking about frank's tattoos, and it's beautiful. 1k

Curl - Gerard finds Frank tied to the seatbelt in the back of their tour van. Sexytimes ensue. 2k

no sleep - Gerard looked terrible, hollow-eyed and sweaty, and it was still only just after midnight. <1k

the second time the band saves gerard's life - soberty fic. 1k

Half the Battle - People tend to assume Gerard is an alpha. Frank knows better. 1k

Afresh - As much as Frank tells him there's never been a time he didn't love Gerard, Gerard knows Frank definitely doesn't miss the days when he could sometimes smell him from the other room. 1k

Just Because - By the time Gerard asked Frank to join the band, the only answer Frank had left for him was yes. 4k

Holding Out For An Iero - When Frank gets his chestpiece, he doesn't have sex for a week. 5k

An Inexplicable Occurrence of Angels - 35k

This was on my Fics-I-Can’t-Find-list, and since this one doesn’t have a description, I’ll just paste in what I could remember from reading it last year:

My Chem (minus Frank) broke up after Revenge. One day Frank kinda shows up (can't remember how). Frank's an angel with big wings and is hopelessly clueless about the world, so the rest or My Chem have to help him. They take him on walks and it looks like he has a hunchback bc of his wings. I think Frank doesn't even know any words in the beginning, but he learns english quickly. Loves watching movies. Everyone in My Chem basically crash at ray's place bc of Frank. And they're all Hey... maybe we should pick up the band again...?

UPDATE: okay i just reread it and it’s sooooo good holy shit. especially the last chapter. there was a comment on AO3 about how they would come back and reread the last chapter over and over again because it made them so happy. that’s probably what i’m gonna do from now on.

A Necessary Requirement - description by jerseymisery ... i think: it’s like a warped tour fic i believe, god it’s so fucking funny, the dialogue is gr8.. basically the whole fic is frank wanting to know what gerard’s dick looks like okay dhgvjsdghg. 3k

Twenty Percent Down - We're rock stars," Frank says firmly. "We're not moving back to live in our parents' basements." 7k

House hunting!

"What's your credit rating like?" he pants out. "I - what?" Gerard stops mouthing Frank's skin and lifts his head up. ^ Never fails to crack me up.

One Hundred Percent - (Almost. Maybe.) - Frank sighed. "I'm playing tonight," he said, firmly. "It is a fucking sore throat. Luckily, I am not the lead singer. I can play my fucking guitar with a sore throat. I can play it with my eyes closed. I am fine." (11,400 words of, you know, Frank being sick. A LOT.) 11k

Raspberry Swirl - The time that the whole band woke up as girls was maybe the weirdest. 16k

Away With The Boys In The Band - Behind the Music: My Chemical Romance, in the world where Mikey has always been a girl. 69k

Ship(s): Mikey Way/Otter, Mikey Way/Gabe Saporta, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz, Mikey Way/Alicia Simmons

^ I could not put this down. The writing is so so so spectacular, and the dialog is both interesting and realistic. A lot of angst, but still hilarious at parts. Please read.

Update because I need to add some things: Listen! Words can not express how obsessed with this fic I am. I made a mixtape for it. Fanart. Currently working on a ebook version of it so I can print it out. Guys. You do not understand how fucking fantastic this fic is. Don’t scroll away from me, I’m serious! Fucking click the link dammit. Click it. C’mon. I’m waiting–click iiiiit. You back yet? Yeah? What did I tell you! I know, it is amazing! You okay? Got tissues? Good. Okay now go wash your face and eat a snack. No, no, no need to thank me, the pleasure was all mine.

Any Way You Want - Gee Way is fronting early MCR when Frank spots them in a shitty bar and immediately finds himself immersed in the energy of the music; not to mention the addictive personality of the lead singer. 18k

Sucker Bet - Since Frank's currently got a sloppy handful of Gerard's hard-and-getting-harder cock, oops kinda seems like an understatement. But Frank's a practical kinda guy. 2k

A Helping Hand - Frank just wants to be able to jerk off. He doesn't think that's too much to ask. 6k

Frank the Failiest Vampire - Frank's a vampire, and he's finally ready to let the world know. 0.9

a not!fic

Three Sharp Bites - When Frank had imagined the joy of finally finding a helpless thrall who would tilt back his neck for him, displaying the jugular with a undertone of love and utter submission, he didn't really expect it to include the joy of being bent almost in two while his mate fucked the living shit out of him. 0.7k

part two of Frank the Failiest Vampire. This isn’t a not!fic though.

Fantasy Book - This was really, really not normal behavior for Gerard - not for real, normal Gerard, and it was even a little abrupt for the imaginary Gerard who lived in Frank's head and came out during his Special Alone Times with his dick. 16k

The Year of Living Safely - Post-sobriety MCR. This is as much about me and my own brother as it is about the Way boys, and Christ was it hard to write; it brought a lot of painful things to the surface. 12k

Incredibly painful but worth a read. Or ten. One-sided Frank/Gerard.

second word, one syllable - Prompt #60. Frank loses his voice and has to use notes, texts, charades, etc. to communicate. 4k

More Than He Can Say - Frank doesn't know what it is about tonight. 2k

I've Got Friends in Closed Spaces - Written for the no_tags challenge for the prompt of 'accidental frottage.' Set in the middle of a tour, vaguely 2004. 4k

it’s the hide-and-seek fic! i’ve been looking for this for an eternity.

First Class - Gerard is totally disturbed, because he's sort of obsessed with making Frank drool. 1.6k

Party Games (Eureka!) - Gerard has awesome ideas. 2k

MCR: untitled no.1 - Gerard plays piano in the loosest sense of the word - plays, with fingers stuttering a little in the air above the white keys and even more over the black ones; body hunched over and shoulders tucked in as soft lines form between his eyebrows. Zero-point-something k.

and here’s another piano drabble by the same author!

just like it was - Basically, I had this really urgent desire to write about Gerard's high school reunion. <1k

love on the webways - As a writer, Grant supposes he could have considerably worse habits than trolling his own message boards.

A totally ridiculous AU vaguely inspired by You've Got Mail. 32k Grant/Gerard

This was so fun to read! It’s a what-if-they-broke-up-after-tbp fic btw.

you weaseled your way into my heart (and ferreted out my feelings) - You gotta watch out for those bands with umlauts. 5k

Reverberation - Frank feels like he just fell off the stage, staggered directly from the lights and out into the long hallway backstage, tipping over into the momentary quiet. 1.5k

Not a Pretty Girl - 28k

Gen. Always-been-a-girl fic featuring kick ass female drummer, Bob Bryar. The story is a series of shorter fics all about her life before MCR, growing up as a woman in the Chicago scene, touring with The Used, joining MCR and everything that comes with that. It's awesome. + art!

I Am a Patient Boy - So this is an AU about Gerard being a girl named Helen (after her...grandmother?) and Frank being sort of, head over heels. 5k

“He goes to the next show alone. It’s in this basement club, red-lit and smoky. Frank stands on a chair at the back of the room. Over everyone’s head so he can get a good look.”

This fic follows Frank as he leaves Pencey Prep and joins My Chem in 2001. The author changed a lot of details though, so I recommend thinking of it as an AU in how the band formed. Unless you want to yell at your screen at 1am for it getting the timeline wrong (like I did).

Not Smashing Windows - In the beginning, they were the scene. An origin story. 32k

From Gabe’s POV, and it’s done flawlessly. It somehow emulates the same feeling one gets from stumbling across an overlooked short film at three a.m. on youtube. The one you can’t help but wonder about, how it is that you’ve never heard about it before. Like it is in its own bubble of existence. Feeling afraid to even breathe or look away, afraid that it’ll disappear at any time, that it was too good to be true. Something you shouldn’t be able to hold in your hands. This fic feels incredibly personal to read. Gabe’s longings of intimacy, the hopelessness at parts. I could feel my fondness for the characters grow enormously in this fic. The wording and conversations and scenes paint a brilliant picture that will stay with you for a long time. I know it will for me at least. Ship: Gabe Saporta/Mikey Way

For a Different View - AU. Ray Toro is a girl, Rae, but MCR is still just MCR. 49k

The first time they went over to Mikey's house, Mikey tossed her a beer and said, "My brother might come up. Maybe not, though. He gets weird in the middle of projects." She found out what he meant halfway through Dawn of the Dead, when a bundle of black fabric barreled from the basement door to the refrigerator and back down to the basement without saying a word to either of them.

I need to finish this!!! But –gah. Such awesome awesomeness. Ship: Ray/Mikey

Double Exposure - “The worst part was the confession. Well, the explanation sucked too.” Written for prompt 38. Frank/Mikey - Frank and Mikey bodyswap during tour and have to play shows as each other. 2.5k

Frank isn’t part italian in this fic. He’s part alien! :D Ship: Frank/Mikey

Anti-Sex (It Comes Around remix) - The first time Frank ever really talked to Mikey's brother it was at a house party somewhere in the shitty part of the Oranges. Before that, Gerard was just Mikey's weird older brother. In Frank's mind, their interactions were always relative to Mikey, spinning out from him, Mikey first, Gerard a trailing but connected afterthought. At that party, though, Mikey's brother was a little buzzed and cheerful with it, talking with a charisma and charm Frank hadn't seen before.

Here’s a v 2018 relevant part: “Hey, you bring me my voter's registration, I swear I'll turn it in." "You're not even registered to vote?" Gerard said, and brought a hand up to run his pinky across his eyebrow like it was all just too much, and Frank laughed.

Crooked Crown - There's always a voice in the back of Frank's head, tiny and barely registering after years of shrugging it off, but still present nonetheless. It says things like, this is a bad idea, and it's satisfying now, but there'll be consequences later. Or, this is the line and you're about to cross it. Someone had once said that Frank had no conscience, which wasn't true because hi, voice in his head. He totally did have a conscience - it was just that he wasn't much of a slave to it.

In any case, the voice dampens out even quicker than usual this time and he's then free to scribble 'BALLS' in Sharpie over each page of Gerard's brand new issue of Hellboy before stuffing it back underneath the seat to be discovered later on. 4k

“The next day they're in Austin, and it feels like an armpit. Mikey walks around with his fingers splayed out, trying to prevent any part of his body from touching another”

^ Ah Mikey, never stop being so relatable. Anyway, this was hilarious. I love how petty both of them were. Poor Ray with his head in his hands!

Rappelling Down Mount Vesuvius - 1k | Gen

I love reading little snippets of their lives like this. Just the right amount of fluff and backstory for something bittersweet and hopeful.

down to the water - Things were better than they were a month ago, hell, a week ago, but that wasn't saying much. A week ago, Gee was stumbling drunk on a stage in Japan and puking so much Frank had honestly been afraid she was going to die. So, while her over-caffeinated, white-faced sobriety of today was a welcome change, Frank still felt like they were all on the edge of disaster, that everything they'd worked so hard for could still collapse around them. 10k

New Rule - Pitch-black basement sex. 2k

Frank is jammed in between Gerard and the wall. He made Gerard check the entire basement for spiders before they turned off the crazy-bright fluorescent strip light, but he’s still wrapped himself up in the blankets like a burrito, jamming the edges under his body until he’s fucking airtight. “If you stretch you’ll pull the blankets out,” he says, muffled because his face is pressed under Gerard’s chin. “And then the spiders will get in, and then I’ll have to kill you.”

Oooh nooo, they have to share the bed. [cackles loudly]

Kiss The Bottle - A drunk wizard slips Frank a love potion while the band is in between tour dates. Chaos and mischief ensues. 35k

An impeccable casting of the wizard, I must say. lol

Don't Fear the Reaper - Gerard's not the greatest with faces but there's one that keeps crossing his path that he can't ignore. 4k

THE SCENE IS DEAD - 20k

Can’t remember who wrote this description (it’s on my to-do list) (was it disenchanted?) but THEY PUT IT INTO WORDS: “I don't know how to begin to describe this one... It's written in an unusual format - ie. a lot of it is told through newspaper articles and webpages but it's one of those super haunting fics that stays with you for days. I don't think there are any triggers listed so be warned there are character deaths and supernatural stuff.”

And I really don’t have more to add. I don’t even want to say anything more because honestly for this fic, the less you know the better. For me the experience of reading it was made a hundred times better just by the emotional rollercoasters I was put through. Lol. Trying to figure out what was going on/going to happen next was really fun.

Candy Cane Vodka - "Yeah, Mikey, you accidentally made fucking peppermint Everclear. Congratulations and all, but Jesus Christ."

Mikey gets an idea on the road after finding a bargain bin book on homemade infusions. Experimentation follows, and Yuletide chaos ensues.

ngl... i’m tempted to make that vodka mixture

Ships: Mikey/Ray, Frank/Gerard

#frerard #frerard fic #frank/gerard #rec list

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theletterineversent · 5 years

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Dear Late Night Uncertainties,

I can't sleep, so my head is doing all kinds of crazy things right now, but I just wanted to tell you that if there's anything I can ever do to be a better girlfriend, all you have to do is tell me. I want to be there for you in every way that I'm wanted and that I can... I'm really excited to move in together and see where life takes us in the future. Just saying that, there's a part of me that won't stop thinking about all the ways I could fuck it up, that even just sending this, you're going to read it, think I'm just insecure and annoying and realize that you could do better. I worry everyday that the next words you'll say to me are "We need to talk" and my whole world is gonna come crashing down because I can't imagine my life without you. Now I'm clingy too. And the rational side of my brain knows that you're not the kind of person who would dig a hole so deep by lying to someone and saying you love them when you don't, or by moving in with them, or by spending any amount of money on coffees for us when I know it's hard financially sometimes. Someone who doesn't care about another person wouldn't do those things.

But sometimes when you snap at me because you're irritated, I don't honestly know if it's because you're irritated with me or slmething else or just irritated. And so I beat myself up because god, I just want to be there for you and be with you and lay in your arms for the rest of our lives. Shit, I want to quit my job and get an RV and just travel the world with you, just the two of us.

I don't know how much of this stems from the fact that I've never had a relationship last longer than a year, or just about a year. Or how much of this is just this suddenly overwhelming depression and anxiett I find myself saddled with.

Please don't think I'm blaming you for anything or saying that you're doing anything wrong. There's definitely days that are wonderful, and then there are days when the end is there, I can hear the words coming out of your mouth like you're actually saying them, and then we say I love you and part and it's all okay, until I start to.overanalyze everything again. Does he mean it? I've been in relationships before where I kept it going well after I had realized that I wasn't invested. Is he doing the same thing? Can't be, we're moving in together? Why would he trap himself.in a one bedroom apartment with someone he plans on breaking up with? He wouldn't be so cruel as to do all that, then break up and just move back in with his friends would he? Could he be capable of that?

I'm just so uncertain and I'm afraid to talk about it with you because I'm afraid you'll realize its true and leave.

Im so afraid. I cant stand it. Im not gonna hurt myself but theres nothing to take my mind off these stuoid thoughts and I cant do anything about them so I sit here and worry and worry and worry and worry and play that stuoid color by numbers game which doesnt take my mind off anything...

Why the fuck are you asking people on tumblr to dm you? I dont care if you post a nude selfie everyday. Girls across the world could look at you and it wouldnt matter. But dm me? Really? Who the fuck is dming you after looking at your nude pictures? What do they want? You said at magstock that it bothered you when guys would stare at me, so why do I feel so guilty thinking about how to bring it up to you that I randomly found your tumblr and that i dont care if you posted that selfie I thiught was just for me, but that the hashtag dm me was the real kicker that partially helped set off this goddamn nightmare of a novel of issues. Dm me?

Dm me?

What do I need to do to be enough? Why do you need DMs for strangers on the internet? Shit. You made me feel.sexy enough to take nude pictures of myself and send them over the internet. That takes a lot of trust. And confidence. And both kind of took a hit tonight.

Am.i too boring in bed? Nevermind, running a porn blog doesnt mean that our sex is bad, I sure hope you'd tell me if the sex is bad, Im not opposed to trying new things if it excites you. And people post selfies all the time, nude selfies too. Hell, one of my friends is a dancer porn star cam girl. The nudity isnt the fucking problem.

You know what, Im mad. Real mad. And i wont talk about it, I know, cause Im afraid that Im already pushing you away so why give you any more reasons to think Im a crazy jealous bitch, right? But I dont think its fair that you get jealous when other guys stare at me and youre literally fucking asking strangers on the fucking internet to fucking dm you on a fucking nude pic? While were literally talking about moving in together? What the actual.fuck?

Do you sext with them? Does anyone even DM you? Three people liked it, that I know. I swear, I try really hard to not be jealous, but shit, I dont even know where to go from here, my thoughts keep getting stuck on how betrayed I feel and how angry I am but also how hurt, and how insecure I feel that Im not enough for you.

Ive given you so much, and you've given me so much too, which is maybe why this hurts so much. I don't know. Its late, and I have work in 6 hours and Im probably not falling sleep anytime soon.

All I want to do is call you and ask about it like a rational adult, and maybe I will tomorrow night, but maybe Ill also just wait until the next time you post a selfie asking people on tumblr to dm you, and maybe Ill create a fake account and dm you from it, and see what you say. But see, thats the bitchy sneaky way to do it and no good comes from that. But will any good come from asking you in person?

What if you try to lie to me and say you dont have a tumblr and I have to tell you I know all about it and I already know that you posted that while we we've been dating?

On another note, do you have something against putting on facebook that were in a relationship? Its been almost a year. Sure, fb official doesnt mean jack shit, and again, on a rational level, I know all of that. But damn, if sometimes it wouldnt make me feel better.

Ive done this in the past, the boyfriend doesnt put relationship status on facebook, doesn't take many pictures with you, doesnt come over to your place as often as you come over to his...

I know (think? Can make up?) Good reasons for these things in our case - relarionship status isnt your thing, the important people know and thats what matters; we have too much fun to take photos together, were living in the moment; damn I live stupid far away and you dont have a car or much money to take a lyft or an hour long bus ride everywhere

Still hurts sometimes though.

You know what else hurts? You'll never see this. You'll never know all these feelings in my head becuase I am.forever to afraid to talk about with you in person or on the phone. You'll never fucking know and I'm afraid that will be the end of us.

I love you, and I want to be with you for a long time, and I can only sit here in this moment, afraid, hoping that this is all just stupid anxiety and that things are gonna get better when we move in together because I dont think I could take the heartbreak.

Love, Me.

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adambstingus · 7 years

Text

How To Deal With Meeting Bae’s Family When You Have Horrible Anxiety

I haveanxiety, baby. Crippling, not-cute, debilitatingANXIETY.

I might as well wear a T-shirt that says, Talk ~anxiety~ to me because I indulge in that anxious talk much more than I indulge in that dirty talk.

Sometimes, when Im drinking by myself at the bar, Ill gaze at those laid back girlswith their bohemian beach wavescasually cascading down their sun-kissed backs, meeting their boyfriends family for the first time and Im sick with jealousy.

I just want to be a non-anxious girl who doesnt wear makeup,authentically enjoys yoga, rolls out of bed and throws on a braless, side-boob dress and puts the frenetic energy of a New York City subway gorgeously at ease with my magnetic, carefree swagger.

But, no. Im actually an acutely raven-haired, snow-white, pale-skinned, hyperactive mascara lesbian, all big anxious eyes, caffeine-shaky lips and nerves.

My leg is inexplicably shaking as a write this. Is something ANXIOUS about to happen?

Nah, girl. Its a boring Tuesday in lower Manhattan. Im just feeling things because I dont know how to not feel things.

Im just feeling things because I dont know how to not feel things.

But I adore love. People who suffer from anxiety and depression tend to fiercelylove because were glutenous in the feels department, like out of control chocolate addicts who just cant help but devour a box of Godiva in one sitting.

People with anxiety tend to fiercely love because were glutenous in the feels department.

We recklessly dive into the emotional pools, whether its the anxiety pool, the depressed pool or the love pool.

Two anxious/depressed entities swimming in the love pool is a powerful force of nature (not necessarily a healthy force of nature,but theyre still a forceto be reckoned with).

Social anxiety is the worst when youre dating someone new. Because, all of a sudden, youre forced to ~socialize~ with their people.

Its probably really good for us to crawl out from under the covers and mingle with fresh personalities, but damn, is it harrowing.

But ya know, kittens, if we want love so bad, were going to have figure out a way to deal with our social anxiety.

So today, together, like two long lost, anxious sisters, were going to navigate the dark and stormy waters of dating with social anxiety.

Last week, we talked about dealing with meeting your significant others friends with social anxiety. And this week, were going to talk about the collectively feared meeting of the family.

Iknow this one is tough. Because the thing is, when you love someone something fierce, you want to be close their family. You want to be loved, accepted and celebrated by them.

But how the hell do you get there when youre feeling irrepressibly shy?

Now that Im a smug 30-year-old, I can tell you Ive learned a thing or two in my time here on this cruel, cold planet earth. At this point, Ive become such a ferocious expert in charming a significant others family, I can do it with the grace and ease of a ballerina.

So, if the leg-shaking, former over-drinker due to her extreme shyness, bug-eyed, noticeably quiet girl has learned to deal with meeting the SOs fam, so can you.

Here is my basic beginners guideline. Message me, if you have more questions, for I am your anxious lesbian big sister. And I amalways here for you.

1. Be more polite than the Queen of England.

Its OKto be a little shy. But the trouble with being shy is this: Shy can sometimes be misinterpreted as bitchy.

Iknow thats not the case, and you know thats not the case. But does baes family know thats not the case?

Unless they have a mastersin psychology, no. They dont. So you need to be over-the-top polite.

Make sure you look everyone you meet in the eye, smile and firmly shake their hands. Say sweet, polite, sugary things like, So LOVELY to meet you!

People can handle quiet, as long as youre a polite quiet.Channel your inner Kate Middleton, and act like a god damn royal.

Channel your inner Kate Middleton, and act like a god damn royal.

It will distract everyone from your palpable anxiety. And if they do notice your trembling hands, theyll know its because youre nervous fromtrying to impressthem.

And theyll be inclined to love back anyone who loves their gorgeous, perfect child.

2. Take the piece of cake, no matter what allergies you have.

I dont care if youre on the Atkins Diet. I dont give a shit about your gluten allergy. I dont care if youre going to go into paralytic shock from all of the sugar youre eating.

If youre offered a piece of cake, take it. If youre worried youre going to shut down or come across as rude, the best way to put a buffer between your lack of conversation participation is to take the fucking cake when its offered, eat it and gush about how ~amazing~ it is.

You have ONE chance to make a good impression, you hear me? Dont blow it by being a bitch about the food.

Eat the cake today, and save thediet for every other boring day of your life.

Whats a night of irritable bowels over family acceptance for life?

3. Ask them questions about their lives.

OK,so you dont know what the hell to say. Youre tongue-tied, your mouth is dry, your fingers are shaking, you really want a cigarette (even if you dont smoke) and you just want to crawl into a hole and hide.

Take a deep breath right now. Channel your inner California babe.

Ill visualize myself as some sort of calm, hippie, wild-haired Cali girl with golden sand sprinkled across my bare feet and Ill breathe like a real yogi. It helps.

After youve done your visualization and have calmed down a bit, ask their family questions about themselves. Ask them where theyre from, what they do for work, what theyre passionate about and how they made that cake so mouthwatering.

Trust me, everyone loves to talk about themselves. Were all vain, and were all a bit self-obsessed. Let the human condition work to your advantage.

4. Offer to help clean up.

If youre shy, your in with the fam is being of service. Dont bitch about this one, girls. No one is more useless than yours truly.

I dont even know how to load a dishwasher correctly. I dont know how to roast a chicken. I dont know how to iron my linen dresses.

But you know what? When I meet baes family, I channel my inner domestic goddess and I help clean up like Im a god damn professional.

It gets you out of conversation, but still makes you seem amazing, engaged and helpful.

So, stop worrying about your broken nail, and get down and dirty with those dishes, babe! Chipped nail polish today, manis and xanis tomorrow.

Chipped nail polish today, manis and xanis tomorrow.

5. Have a glass of wine, for Christs sake.

Now is not the time to be a prim bitch. Have a glass of wine (just one, two max) and let your hair down a bit.

It will socially lubricate you so youre not a stiff Stepford wife from Greenwich, Connecticut when you arrive on the family frontier for the first time.

Dont have more than two, or else that booze will quickly turn on you. An anxiety-ridden drunk is weird. Its uncomfortable.

But an anxiety-ridden buzz is totally fine!

Have a personality drink, follow steps one through four and youll be good to go, I swear to goddess.

Well deal with using drinking as a crutch later this week. But today, youve just got to get through meeting THE FAM.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/24/how-to-deal-with-meeting-baes-family-when-you-have-horrible-anxiety/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/165703462412

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theletterineversent · 5 years

Text

Dear You,

I can’t sleep, so my head is doing all kinds of crazy things right now, but I just wanted to tell you that if there’s anything I can ever do to be a better girlfriend, all you have to do is tell me. I want to be there for you in every way that I’m wanted and that I can… I’m really excited to move in together and see where life takes us in the future. Just saying that, there’s a part of me that won’t stop thinking about all the ways I could fuck it up, that even just sending this, you’re going to read it, think I’m just insecure and annoying and realize that you could do better. I worry everyday that the next words you’ll say to me are “We need to talk” and my whole world is gonna come crashing down because I can’t imagine my life without you. Now I’m clingy too. And the rational side of my brain knows that you’re not the kind of person who would dig a hole so deep by lying to someone and saying you love them when you don’t, or by moving in with them, or by spending any amount of money on coffees for us when I know it’s hard financially sometimes. Someone who doesn’t care about another person wouldn’t do those things.

But sometimes when you snap at me because you’re irritated, I don’t honestly know if it’s because you’re irritated with me or slmething else or just irritated. And so I beat myself up because god, I just want to be there for you and be with you and lay in your arms for the rest of our lives. Shit, I want to quit my job and get an RV and just travel the world with you, just the two of us.

I don’t know how much of this stems from the fact that I’ve never had a relationship last longer than a year, or just about a year. Or how much of this is just this suddenly overwhelming depression and anxiett I find myself saddled with.

Please don’t think I’m blaming you for anything or saying that you’re doing anything wrong. There’s definitely days that are wonderful, and then there are days when the end is there, I can hear the words coming out of your mouth like you’re actually saying them, and then we say I love you and part and it’s all okay, until I start to.overanalyze everything again. Does he mean it? I’ve been in relationships before where I kept it going well after I had realized that I wasn’t invested. Is he doing the same thing? Can’t be, we’re moving in together? Why would he trap himself.in a one bedroom apartment with someone he plans on breaking up with? He wouldn’t be so cruel as to do all that, then break up and just move back in with his friends would he? Could he be capable of that?

I’m just so uncertain and I’m afraid to talk about it with you because I’m afraid you’ll realize its true and leave.

Dm me?

Am.i too boring in bed? Nevermind, running a porn blog doesnt mean that our sex is bad, I sure hope you’d tell me if the sex is bad, Im not opposed to trying new things if it excites you. And people post selfies all the time, nude selfies too. Hell, one of my friends is a dancer porn star cam girl. The nudity isnt the fucking problem.

Ive given you so much, and you’ve given me so much too, which is maybe why this hurts so much. I don’t know. Its late, and I have work in 6 hours and Im probably not falling sleep anytime soon.

What if you try to lie to me and say you dont have a tumblr and I have to tell you I know all about it and I already know that you posted that while we we’ve been dating?

Ive done this in the past, the boyfriend doesnt put relationship status on facebook, doesn’t take many pictures with you, doesnt come over to your place as often as you come over to his…

Still hurts sometimes though.

You know what else hurts? You’ll never see this. You’ll never know all these feelings in my head becuase I am.forever to afraid to talk about with you in person or on the phone. You’ll never fucking know and I’m afraid that will be the end of us.

Love, Late Night Uncertainties

#theletterineversent

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