#im... actually almost certainly fine if thats the case ...!

[yoshistory]

-___- i need to find a bookshelf thats been thrown out again .. theres no good trash here .. there's GREAT trash next door and i thiiiiiink enough time has passed that i feel comfortable walking over there sometimes and scouring their dumpsters every once in awhile

[dailytatsu]

Hello! I saw request were open so i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of the Archons and/or the Adepti meeting a God reader who is the God of Chaos and destruction. The reader is not a Archon tho and travels all over Teyvat cuz small bits of destruction were ever they go. They're pretty mischievous and somewhat smug but despite how they act they're actually a good person. They dont mean to cause problems(most of the time anyways) chaos follows them were ever they go. Idk if you have a character limit but if you do please tell me so i wont make a mistake again. And if there is you can just do Zhongli and Xiao. Optionally could you make them a dendro user, there not a lot of dendro content and if not thats fine. I understand. Could you make the reader Gn or Non-binary they/them pronouns please? If not male reader is totally fine. Im so sorry for the long post and I hope you have a good day/night!

Ohmy, it’s my first time just writing headcanons! I’m use to write a lot, so let’s hope I did it right (^ ^' )7

Thanks for the request! ✨

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[HC] God of Chaos! Reader and the Archons + Xiao

Characters: Zhongli, Xiao, Venti, Shogun Raiden (Ei).

Gn! Reader

I tried doing it with everyone but I’m no still that confident to try writing with some characters ＿|￣|○

Sorry for any mistakes!

Request are open!

Genshin Masterlist

Second part ->

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VENTI

To be honest, he didn't notice your presence at first. He had other concerns on his mind that day to perceive the chaotic (and slightly threatening) aura that Mondstadt was infected with that day.

Barbatos is a person of habit, so he couldn't help but be curious when the crowd in front of him began to look a little agitated instead of seeming to enjoy his lyre and his songs.

But then a series of domino events appeared in front of his very eyes.

The purity of the chaos was such that he felt overwhelmed, even without the white-haired boy around, if it wasn’t Bennett fault, then how was it possible for everything to be ruined in such a short time?

His patience ended when, out of nowhere, the strings of his lyre jumped close to his face as they snapped. Making that awful noise that couldn’t mean nothing good.

Okay, enough, who is messing around in here? No more joking in his nation!

He concentrated a little, a faint but unique presence kept his nerves on edge, as if he was being watched from afar. He moved away from the busy areas and then chased that ephemeral energy to the highest point of the church, where the bells were ringing in an irregular and stressful way.

Then he found you. Snoozing against one of the columns, somewhat tired because the trip you made to reach Mondstadt.

Surprisingly, Barbatos understood you since the first exchange of words. A god of chaos who was also a free spirit, you followed no rules ever written in Teyvat, and you had no plans to apologize for the mess you made.

Both of you were Zhongli’s worst nightmare, but that’s another story.

He managed to through your arrogance and your teasing nature that you, in fact, were a lonely spirit that liked to witness the life from above of everyone.

The difference between teasing someone accidentally and committing a crime was really visible, but he still couldn't help but feel like he should scold you after your mere presence messed up with the guild's baskets full of fish.

But hey! He also enjoy the company! Venti tried to teach you how to enjoy the calm and the whisper of wind, music can also contain chaos, feelings, old stories waiting to be told again, expressions and desire united, in a wonderful piece of-

As you yawned his lyre broke up again. Making clear the message.

Okay, not even God of Freedom and Wind can control chaos. Anyways, what a tragedy, but there’s nothing a simple bard can do, smh.

“Do you like kids, don’t you?” He said once, after a nice day of hearing him sing before your chaos reached his little concert. Again watching everyone from above on the hands of the statue, with your attention caught by some kids playing tag.

“… I don’t know what do you mean.” Once discovered you had no choice but to remain defensive, pretending to be disinterested.

“Heh, you aren’t a good liar.” It may not be the wisest thing to make fun of someone who could destroy the place where you were resting, but Venti was confident that he knew you well enough to know that you were not so explosive. “You know!, I just have some pieces, but I think it’s because they are little walking concentrations of pure and innocent chaos, am I wrong?”

He wasn’t, no at all. But you would never confess something that embarrassing.

This guy wrote a ballad about the days when Mondstadt got immerse with that strike of bad luck. Kind of an apology of not being able to handle the situation.

Now there’s the rumor that says that, every time somebody sings that song, something unlucky will happen in front of you.

The song is cursed.

One night when the moon was shining on the Cider Lake his well tuned ears distinguished a melody that was broken from time to time by the accidents of his performer, distracting him of his way to look for you.

It could be painful to listen to, but Venti could certainly feel the dedication of the one who was playing the imperfect song.

The ballad of the god of chaos, hummed like a lullaby that instead of making you sleep makes you question the events of the day. Wishing for the slightest thing to be different after an exhaustive week of peace and tranquility.

A lonely spirits cursing their existence, sitting in the highest point of a stranger’s palace, where you can reach the sky by only rising your hand.

The next day, Barbatos invited you to drink some wine, this time near Windrise to avoid accidents in the city.

As he almost dropped the bottle when a lot of slimes were attracted by your presence, he confirmed the theory about that the way to spend time with you would not be his personal definition of hanging out.

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ZHONGLI

Okay, there’s only two scenarios that could happened when you set a foot in Liyue.

Old man has a soft spot for you for being a relative young deity.

Or he’s always lecturing you for not having control of your aura and powers.

How u dare bringing chaos to the nation of order? It’s that a death wish?

Jokes aside, you’re not really a threat. And he could sense that after he saw how you tried to avoid having direct contact with the city. Rex Lapis found your silhouette jumping and crossing through the mountains until reaching the fairest point that allowed you to enjoy the view of the streets that were filled with life and light as the sunsets.

He even noticed how you sighed in frustration when a storm started out of nowhere. A rain dedicated just for the arriving of the God of Chaos. Not even bothering of getting shield, you stayed in your place to look at all the people who were getting back to their places.

The rain seemed to stop over your head, for a second was enough to stop you from being cruelly swamped by the very weather you had created. An elegant umbrella covered you, the long awaited surprise you expected from someone as outdated as Morax.

You looked up, and found his expression calm and attentive, watching you. As if he had made a great discovery that he could not believe

“May I have a moment of your time to keep you company? Letting out your sorrows in the middle of a torrential storm is not what I would recommend as way to spend a good day.”

“… What are you talking about? Get in your own business, old man.”

“Well, you should know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.”

Next time you knew was that he was helping you to dry your hair with a towel once you let him guide you to his place.

Zhongli picked you up like a abandoned cat that day. Even if having you near meant to deal with new the roof leaks.

Also kept you away from Hu Tao, if you two ever get along for being partners in crime he would seal himself underground-

For all the time you spend exploring Liyue, there he was. Like a little kid showing his treasures. But also like a worried father looking after his child for them not to stumble making their first steps.

Look at you! Almost crushing those Treasure Hoarders when a bunch of rocks fell down after you jumped at the edge of the cliff.

Wait, no- come back here! You should verify the surroundings and be aware of the weight of your power if you’re going to explore in that bold way. You, chaotic brat.

Another one who believed fervently that your mood was to blame for the constant chaos you caused. He also tried to show you the wonders of peace and calm, teaching you how to prepare tea while listening to the storyteller (also both being a little far away from the rest of them, just in case).

He couldn’t help but sigh when the teapot arm broke as soon as you tried to serve the tea. What a waste, he thought.

You apologized to him, kind of stressed with yourself after you took all the pieces with your bare hands to run away with them. Leaving a confused Zhongli behind.

Next day you were back, with the teapot repaired and just like new.

He let out a lot of thankful words, some flattering and a lot more cheesy things that you never had received before.

With that unexpected affection you couldn’t help but react flustered; then a cat that was chasing a bird jumped through a lot of decorations and merchandise, almost starting a fire as the chained events kept going.

Yeah,, uh, Zhongli got some useful mental notes about you and your chaos that day.

Hey, before you go, want to make a contract? You won’t regret it!

But as the wandering spirit you were you had no problems in reject his offer, but also promising that you would visit Liyue if he wanted you to.

Of course he wanted! But.. maybe next time you should stay in Huaguang Stone Forest instead of roaming near the city,,

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XIAO

Tried to kill you.

I mean, your aura is threatening and full of a destructive energy, how is possible that you weren’t a demon to eradicate??

Sorry, but he had a point.

Your first met was on your way to reach Huaguang Stone Forest along with Zhongli for introduce you with the Adeptus.

Xiao, in the other side, thought that you were about to attack Morax from behind, so he just struck against you. With his polearm near to go through your chest, just stopped because you felt him before.

Lifting your hand at his direction, summoning chaos, this time, on purpose. The wind gained a wrathful nature and the biggest roots that were hiding under his feet rose to caught him.

And when you were about to hit each other Zhongli’s shield appeared just in time to separate both of you. Preventing a real catastrophic event.

Now stop fighting and introduce to each other.

Nice(n’t) to meet u.

What if you tried to awake Azhdaha to bring chaos and destruction to Liyue? What if you wanted to summoned Osial? What if… ?

Zhongli had to confirm and promise to him that those cruel possibilities won’t be a near future for respecting the real reason of your travel.

No matter if he wasn’t comfortable with your presence, it wasn’t his decision to allow you to roam freely, so he had to get use to it.

He immediately knew after hearing about your nature that was your fault that lately there were a lot more demons and monsters. Even his karma was getting more painful than usual.

(If you ever meet Hu Tao, please think twice before doing Xiao a prank)

You both didn’t interact a lot, and being honest, it was better that way.

He hadn’t a single intention of talking with you again until the day you were practicing the song that your Anemo friend taught you. By the other hand, Xiao noticed that the melody had the same nature as the one he once heard before being consumed by the karma.

It wasn’t a flute, but a worn lyre that was still in one piece after weeks of being repaired again and again.

“That song… ”

“Do you know it?” Xiao just nodded, staying in silence, being your very first audience even if you still have a lot to learn about playing a lyre.

It wasn’t as effective as the original, but was still… nice, kind of nostalgic.

Next morning, the Yaksha called for you. Made you stay still in the middle of a plain and then he disappeared of your sight.

He abandoned y- wait, what’s that? Why those monsters has that weird dark aura?

You were about to defend yourself until Xiao appeared back just in time to defeat them.

That day you became his personal bait for demons and monsters. Naturally you attracted chaos, so anyway you were, there will be also something to fight.

I guess this is your way to pay for all the troubles you made for him and his duty, so no complaining about it.

If you ask for a unexpected experience to Ganyu she would said that once she found both of you fighting along against the catastrophe, looking after each other’s back and almost having a perfect synchrony.

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SHOGUN RAIDEN; EI

Also tried to kill you.

Well, the puppet tried to.

And then Ei tried when you had the opportunity of facing her.

But since killing a god just mean the releasing of a lot, pure, energy she couldn’t afford that risk, much less considering your “speciality”.

Who knows what would happen to Inazuma if your vital energy burst across the nation. Just like that old story about Sal Terrae and their goddess.

She just defeated you. Letting you rest and recovering in the midst of the plane of her reality within her mind. Your inert body in the middle of the battlefield as she kept meditating.

When you woke up she ignored your presence, but also denying your complaints about letting you go out back.

In her words, you were a burden, another enemy of eternity. Something as unpredictable as you and your “accidents” couldn’t get along with her utopia.

Ei could banish you from Inazuma, but she knows your type. Stubborn and not accepting the most simple orders to obey.

She knew that you would found a way to be back.

It’s better like this.

And in the hypothetical case of you being freed when she trapped the traveler (kicking you out) and then having a chance to see her again after the end of the war, then things would be somewhat different.

There’s not that much of civilization on some islands, so she allowed you to explore as much as your heart wanted. But if something serious happen, she promised that would end her work in the middle of the sea so your remains never be found.

Okay, message clear. Just do chaos near monsters and bandits, got it,,

Even if she wanted to spend some time with you and telling you some stories about Inazuma and other gods she couldn’t found the right time to call you at her presence.

As the current ruler of Inazuma she was busier than the rest of Archons you have meet. Maybe just some letters now and then like a way to keep a logbook, but not really a face to face talk.

Until she got the opportunity of a day off, just to found you messing around near some ruins. Trying to solve a puzzle before your speciality strikes in. The structure fell down after your fingertips reached the stone.

When the dust dissipated, you discovered her figure judging you from the other side of the remain ruins.

Give her a good reason for not errase you from the map, I dare u.

You felt the worst was about to come when Ei ordered you to follow her after a long sigh. Crossing her arms and starting to walk away from the bunch of old and worn rock.

Plot Twist, she actually invited you to rest under a tree, asking in her serene voice the reason for your journey and your origin. In such a direct way that it seemed more like a sentence than a talk to get to know each other better.

You answered what you could remember and then the silence stayed like the only way of interaction between you two.

Ohno, you know this pattern. Something’s about to happen-

“There is some strange beauty in the chaos, it may be the calm after the storm, but the catastrophe itself is seen as a necessary evil to appreciate the stillness. How much it would last until the lighting hit the valley?”

“So I arrived to keep order between the humans?”

Well yes, but actually no.

“… You see, if there is nothing but order and a lack of problems, mortals are likely to create them on their own. Their minds feels the need to be tested, to prove their worth, so I guess some of your chaos may be part of the history.”

“… then shall we take a walk in Inazuma?” You did not know if you were right, but you thought you saw a faint smile through his lips in the same way that lightning can be seen in the sky.

“I’ll allow it.” She said.

Her only condition was for you not to approach the huge boxes of fireworks down the street.

[petewentzisblack1312]

okay so since you know more than sarah could u give more info?? because i love learning about pete and his blackness as its literally never talked about ANYWHERE else. like thank god for tumblr tbh. sarah is genuinely the only reason ive ever known anything about him in that way but its always been limited so thats why i sent her the ask. i didnt even know ur blog. sorry for sending to her instead of you!!!

oh its fine!! im pretty new on the scene technically. while sarah and i were in the fob fandom at the same time in 2015 ish, i actually left tumblr completely and recently came back!! but anyway, lets talk about petes melanin (my beloved <3)

theres a pretty pervasive narrative, not just around pete but around any black and especially biracial celebrities that theyre ashamed of their blackness or arent "really" black. theres like. a looooooooooong conversation to be had within the black community about this, but to tldr it, the assumption is if you dont look black, you arent black, which for a lot of reasons isnt exactly the case. with him in particular theres a lot of stuff that contributes to this.

most people do not associate the alternative scene and emo especially with black people, so its easy to overlook a lot if someone isnt SUPER obviously black. pete has other ethnic features, like his nose, and is recognizable visually as black except for his skin color. except thats because hes been artificially lightened in photoshoots due to editing and (ALLEGEDLY AND POSSIBLY) lighter foundations. further, he relaxed his hair, which takes away another ethnic feature of his.

there is another aspect to this, which is that black people tan, noticeably and by several shades. you will not notice it if youre like seeing them continuously throughout the year, but as someone who lives in the caribbean and has spent some time in the states, the difference is stark enough to be noticeable. a lightskinned black person may look MUCH paler in the winter compared to in the summer.

in addition, the wealthier you are, the less time you tend to spend in the sun, so ive noticed that black celebrities tend to get lighter as they gain notoriety just because they have like more resources. the reason people from the caribbean tend to become lighter when we go to the states isnt because of less sun, during the summer thats not at all the case, its because the US is more developed so you dont HAVE to spend as much time in the sun.

besides that, hes like genuinely very loud and proud about being black, but all of those attempts are met with backlash. there was the reaction to his natural hair, the reaction to him with cornrows, and the reaction to his very emotional rant about the murder of george floyd. it happens in fobs music too!! ioh for example draws a lot of influence from choral and hymnal arrangements and soul music, not to mention jay-z and babyface working on the album itself, which led to them being labelled sell outs. they also just generally work with rappers more, with lil wayne on tiffany blews and big sean on srar, both of which also led to them being called sell outs. ab/ap as an album draws influence from rap/trap and mixtape culture in the way it was written (thats why its got so many samples), and subsequently got remixed. remember what happened next? mania draws a lot of influence from calypso and dancehall music and features burna boy singing in yoruba patois. that one led to the featured artist getting harassed en masse and multiple (worse) edits of the song without him on it. i dont like it here 💞.

that last point brings me to the fact that while pete definitely loves hardcore and metal, he also has always loved reggae and dancehall. hes half jamaican, spent time in jamaica as a child and listened to his grandparents records, which were. well. reggae and calypso and a little dancehall. if anyone ASKS him about it, hell talk about it willingly and candidly, theres an entire interview from during the hiatus (which i can no longer find rip) where hes asked about and talks about going natural and spending time in jamaica and listening to reggae, which heavily influenced black cards. he visited jamaica during the hiatus! although its unclear if he visited family since literally every news outlet that mentioned it was like "oh tropical getaway <3" unaware that thats where his folks are from

also heres that interview snippet sarah mentioned! i have the full page, its about the early days which is funny bc its just before futct.

theres also some poetry on sarahs blog that she found years ago thats VERY black. i dont like making it easy to find for nonblack people simply because the first time it was unearthed mostly white people were talking about it and the meaning of it went way over everyone elses head so i try to make sure that if people start talking about it they know going in that its about being black and biracial specifically and so that black fans dont feel the way i did when it first surfaced lol

all of this emphatically points to pete genuinely loving his blackness and not trying to hide it and it being something that majorly shaped his life, but genuinely being unable to talk about it bc of public perception.

sorry for talking your ear off!! if you have any specific qs i almost certainly have answers!!

[gureishi]

OkAY SO HELLO AGAIN

my cat Tiko is EXTREMELY VOCAL to the point where he gets on my nerves almost every day. HES MEOWUNG HIS HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW LIKE BRO WTH I JUST GAVE YOU SOME ATTENTION

my mom's better at handling him than i am. im just way too easily irritated. AND LIKE he doesnt just!!! come over to me or my mom for attention! like bro you can just chill on my lap u know and i'll give u attention buT NOPE.

jdvdhsj okay sorry that turned into a mini rant

anyways sometimes i snap at him or even slam on the table (to make noise) to get him to be quiet (thats like, when im in school or trying to focus on hw, art, or writing -- or otherwise not in a position to get up and give him attention). doesnt always work lol... but i just get so frustrated. and i always feel bad but i honestly cant help it; i have a bit of a short fuse, at least when it comes to irritation (rather than anger). occasionally i pretend to through like, an eraser at him, but thats not as common.

so i guess im just wondering how saeyoung would react in those cases? especially the first ones. and i suppose this could get a lil angsty... i only say that because i can feel rn that i would probably feel so guilty for behaving that way in front of someone other than my mom.

it also has to do with that "getting stuck" thing. its hard to actually get up and move sometimes. AND IM ALSO A HUMAN WHO HAS THINgs to do and i cant always entertain Tiko just because he's bored or thinks something is wrong just because we've been sitting in one place for more than 2 hours and appearing to not do anything... smh

msvdjsbsj gosh this is probably so weird and specific lolol sorry 😅 but it is an almost daily thing for me.

and gosh this whole thing probably makes me sound like a monster 😭😭 if it means anything, i would never actually hurt him :(( and i never have in the 10 years we've had him. i just get frustrated so easily and his meow is very loud and sorta high pitched and piercing and persistent... sighh

[417]

You certainly do not sound like a monster! As I’ve told you, we are constantly whining at the dog because he is so very loud (and yes, we should train him better, and we’ve tried, but he is also anxious and my street is very chaotic 😭)

So anyway: I very much get it ❤️❤️❤️

Hmmmmmm what to call this...?

Saeyoung with an MC who gets annoyed at her loud cat

Everyone knows Saeyoung loves cats. What you also know, of course—and what he sometimes forgets—is that he doesn’t actually know anything about cats.

He is startled by the meowing, at first. He is fascinated with your cats: he thinks they are beautiful and charming and adorable and perfect in every way (much like you). He didn’t really expect them to be loud, though. 

His first instinct, of course, is to meow back. He has endless energy to play with the cats—after all, he hasn’t grown up with them, and he only sees the things that are exciting. And of course, they will end up in a long conversation, Saeyoung and the cat. Lots of meowing. Very vivacious meowing.

And look, if you’re in the right headspace for it, it’s pretty cute. He really just wants the cats to understand him. He wants to be their friends. (He wants to make sure he has their blessing to be with you, but that’s another story altogether.)

But if you’re not in the right headspace—you’re working, or writing, or drawing, and need some peace and quiet—it’s not so cute anymore.

It’s automatic: the cat meows, and you snap in response. You’re frustrated; you’re trying to focus, and the incessant noise pushes you over the edge.

And that startles Saeyoung, too. He’s never heard you snap like that before.

Immediately, you feel terrible—you’re hit with a huge wave of guilt. And it is double guilt, because he is here, and you love him, and you don’t want him to think badly of you. 

And you love your cat, of course. You didn’t mean to snap the way you did; you don’t want this beloved boy to think you are a horrible, cat-hating monster.

A moment ago, you rose out of your seat. Now, you sit back down slowly. You don’t really want to meet his eyes.

“Sorry,” you mutter. Your face feels hot. “I didn’t mean...”

He doesn’t say anything right away, and you can feel his eyes on you. You feel like you might cry. Oh, you think—he hates you now.

And the cat is meowing again, because of course he is.

“Hey.” Suddenly, Saeyoung is in front of you. He’s jumped up onto the table and pushed your work to the side—he’s peering down, trying to look in your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

You put your face in your hands so you don’t have to look at him. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” you say into your hands. “Don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Gentle, rough fingers on your face—and he’s tilted your chin up so you can’t help but look him in the eye. Ah, and for a moment you are lost there, as you so often are: his gaze is soft, and bright, and intense—once you are looking, it is impossible to look away.

“It was loud,” he says. “I get it. But why are you...?”

He cups your cheeks in both hands. And he probably shouldn’t be sitting on the table, but—but—his hands are warm and he is looking down at you with such deep affection in his eyes. 

“I got frustrated,” you tell him. “But I didn’t want to—I shouldn’t—act that way in front of you.”

His eyes widen. You didn’t expect him to be surprised, but he is—and he is blushing, which seems strange.

“You were trying to—?” He shakes his head, like he doesn’t quite understand. “Okay. Here’s what you have to know.”

He is still holding your face. And this is fine—you could feel his hands on your cheeks forever and it wouldn’t be enough.

“I love you,” he says firmly. “You...know that part, right?”

You laugh—perhaps a little wetly. You do know.

“My love is not conditional,” he continues. You take a shaky breath. “I love you when you’re happy and energetic. I love you when you’re working hard and focusing. I love you when you’re sad and need comfort. I love you when you’re irritated, or frustrated, or angry,” he says.

It is a flood of words, and they wash over you like a rushing river. Your heart is racing.

“You don’t have to act any way around me,” he tells you. “That’s part of the deal.”

The cat is meowing again, but you hardly hear him. Absently, you reach over and pet him. Saeyoung grins.

“And you love your cats,” he adds. “And I know you’d never hurt them just because you’re upset.”

You nod. It’s true. You wouldn’t.

“C’mere?” he asks. He holds out his arms and—oh, he is still sitting on the table, but—you stand, falling into him, resting your head on his chest. He wraps both his arms around you and squeezes you tight.

“You know the same goes for you, right?” you mumble, your voice muffled by his t-shirt. He giggles at the way you sound and presses his lips to the very top of your head.

“No matter what?” he asks. 

“Of course.”

He meows.

Oh, and he is meowing at the cat again: back and forth, as if they are chatting about the weather.

“Saeyoung!” 

You pull back and he smiles apologetically. “Still love me?”

You roll your eyes. You pet the cat. You pet his head.

You do: of course you do. Unconditionally.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 14 - The Party To Protect The People From The NHK (N Koku Party) commences "Same sex, same name stealth operation".

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, starting this episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome....Well, recently, who knows whats really happening?

J: Yeh, its troubling. I've been spending a lot longer looking at my phone and computer. I've been getting a lot of coupons. My favourite shops or brands are all going online...well, no ones going into the shops, so they can only sell online. So i've been getting coupons like, if you spend over a certain amount, you'll get 20,000yen off.

T: I see.

J: I think like, 'Waa, I wanna spend!'..but then I think, actually since April, I've had less work so I need to restrain myself. I experience this conflict every day for about 15mins. Like, whats wrong with me?

T: I see.

J: Thats thier strategy.

K: If you have free time...

J: Thats it.

K: You'll end up spending money.

J: Normally, they have expirations, and I just think 'Aghh', so its really...

K: You can't help buying stuff, right?

J: I do end up buying stuff!

K, T: *laugh*

J: I really do! I bet there are people out there addicted to coupons! Aren't you? Are you ok?

K: Well, im ok. I just shop by mail order.

J: Ahh

T: I see

J: People are shopping like that a lot right now.

T: Hiranabe san, who works at our place, he's got a lot of offers from night time establishments, and he's troubled as to what to do.

J: Oh, to get him to go there?

T: Yeah. He got an unprecedented amount of messages.

K: (quietly) Unprecedented?

T: Like, 'please come, please come, please come'.

K: He only gets them now? Cause he'll be quick to spend.

J: How is Hiranabe san doing?

T: Well, as expected, he seems scared. He's in his 50s, it looks like he finally understands that his life might be in danger if he caught the virus. He wears a mask, he wears pollen protection glasses. When he goes outside he's like..'the virus won't get in my eyes'.

J: Sounds like a terrorist! Thats just like him.

T: He flipped 180°. He used to be the guy who says, 'Im not wearing a mask'.

J: Oh, really?

T: He's that different now.

J: Well, Im a similar age to Hiranabe san...

T: I can't believe it!

K: I can't believe it.

J: So, what was it?..Its risky, if you are over 50 its more dangerous?

K: Ohh right, yeah.

J: If you catch it, there's a higher death rate at this age?

T: Also, men are more at risk, right?

K: Yeah.

T: They are saying the death rate is higher for men.

J: Well, we are among that group. Shall we get on with the main topic? I thought we'd go with a topic that is unrelated to corona this time.

' "N Koku Party's 'same name, same sex' stealth strategy for Shizuoka no.4 district Lower house by-election". With the death of Mochizuki Yoshio, the LDP's former environment minister, candidates standing for election are the LDP's Fukuzawa Youichi, an independent group of the unified opposition's Tanaka Ken, independent candidate Yamaguchi Kenzo, and the Party Against the NHK (N Koku Party)'s Tanaka Ken, whose name is the same as the unified opposition's candidate. N Koku's Tanaka Ken uses the same kanji, and has the same reading as the unified opposition's Tanaka Ken. The opposition parties, electoral commission, and local media are racking thier brains about it. If a vote is for 'Tanaka Ken', there will be no way to distinguish between the two. Its a proportional division system, so ambiguous votes will be split according to the overall percentage of votes. The electoral administrative committee have taken measures to change the rule that makes a ballot paper invalid if it includes anything other than a candidate's name, to allow a candidate's age to be written aswell. As a result of this, with the aim of reducing ambiguous votes, the unified opposition are promoting 'Tanaka Ken - Age 42' in thier election cars, posters, and online in order to attract votes. On the other hand, N Koku's Tanaka Ken surprisingly hasn't taken any action. He has refused pre-election interviews with the media, hasn't published an campaign bulletin, he doesn't appear in election posters, he has no plans to visit the area. There are expected to be people voting who are unaware that two Tanakas are standing for election. As for N Koku's aim, their leader, Tachibana, had this to say.."We want to test how the votes will be split when there are candidates with exactly the same name. We are not appealing for votes either online or on the ground. We are a weak political party, and want to know how we stand *1'.

There's also suggestion of running another female candidate named Koike Yuriko for Tokyo governer. I thought we could talk about this kind of same name/sex disturbance strategy which the N Koku party has set up.

T: Its amazing, isn't it?

K: So are they doing it to siphon votes?

J: It seems like it, yeah. Especially, that would be the aim if it was for Tokyo Governor.

T: They said they wanted to test how the votes would be split, so like you said Joe, for Tokyo Governor, if it was someone else called Koike Yuriko, they would want to get the data of how the votes are split.

J: Well, its not about freedom of expression, but there is nothing illegal about what they are doing in terms of the election, so its totally ok for them to do this. What do you think, Kaoru?

K: Well..*laughs*, even if you ask.....its interesting but...how will it end up? But, well, hmmm...its fine, isn't it?

J: As it happens, I've been on a radio event with Tachibana san once. And also...well, in this kind of election, a candidate who no one is expected to vote for is called a bubble candidate, the most famous example is Mac Akasaka. I've worked with Mac Akasaka before, so I've listened to what these kind of guys have to say. I mean, certainly, these guys are laughed at and made fun of a lot, but apart from the question of what Tachibana Takashi is doing, to be a candidate for Tokyo Governor, you have to pay a deposit of at least 3 million yen. And if you recieve under a tenth of the total valid votes, you have to forfeit your deposit. The Tokyo Governor elections get about 5 million votes, so if you get under 500,000 votes, you will lose your deposited 3 million yen. As for national elections, the deposit is 6 million yen. So you can call it a prank all you like, but they are spending a lot of money to do this. What a lot of bubble candidates will tell you is, its not free, so they are doing this with the intention to win, they do think thier ideas will improve the country, improve thier party. If there was no financial risk, it would end up at the level of annonymous postings on SNS. But after they've actually paid money, most of them will start electoneering. Making election posters costs money, and there's the cost of gas to run a car to go handing out flyers, and all sorts of things like that. It will end up costing another huge chunk of money in election costs. So in doing this, there is another side to these guys other than, 'they are just idiots'. Maybe they are trying to get people to change the way they see elections, instead of just routinely voting for the faces they know.

T: Well this case has great advertising effectiveness.

J: It does, yeah.

T: Tachibana san's name has really been sold with this.

J: It has.

T: Like, with his own business, and on you tube and stuff *2.

J: Well, as for my personal opinion, I remember Uchida Yuuya running for Tokyo Governor. You can still find his political broadcast on youtube, its great. If you compare Yuuya san to Tachibana san, honestly, Tachibana san seems to have more of a knack for it.

T: Its interesting seeing that kind of political broadcast on NHK. ????*3

J: Well, even in times such as these, we are still having elections. From now on, due to corona we'll probably see new ways to vote and new ways to do all sorts of other things.

K: Its created a need to re-think things, like with the custom of personal seals...in Japan there's a big custom of 'You have to do it this way', or 'You need it on paper'.

J: Yeah, as you mentioned Kaoru, the custom of using personal seals...in the end, even Japan's IT minister also stands as the head of the organization to retain personal seals. Somehow in Japanese society, one of the things companies insist on is the personal seal. There are those who ask why they can't just settle things digitally, but if the minister responsibile for advancing IT is also the head of a group advocating to retain the personal seal, there is a clash going on now. This is the kind of time to think about changing the political system.

T: Things would change a lot if we switched to online voting.

J: They would change, yeah. If young people started voting a lot online...

K: Yeah, right now, in the situation we have now, I think people are starting to think about future.

J: Yes, in that respect, although its very difficult with corona around, I feel like we are starting to wake up to the things we have just put up with till now. I mean, what comes next? In particular, with coronavirus, a lot of countries' governments have taken on huge powers, and in some countries its almost like a corona dictatorship. So, its very difficult, but we really need to slightly re-think the way we carry out elections and the way the state operates from now.

T: We, ourselves are a part of it, right?

J: Yes, yes...Yep, so, same sex, same name...it even hard to search for him. I wonder what this candiate actually intends. ?????*4

K: He's not showing his face much.

J: What will he do if he wins? ...Eh? Hello??

K: Is he sleeping?

Kami: Yes, yes.

J: Were you asleep, Kami?

Kami: No, I was waiting till you called on me.

J: Oh, you were waiting? Oh, sorry.

Kami: I've had a thought.

J: Oh, have you?

Kami: I have...Um, Joe should run for the N Koku Party.

J: *laughs*

K, T: Ohhh

J: Me?!

T: Thats a good idea.

J: Would it be ok, though?

T: In the Tokyo Governor election.

J: In the Tokyo Governor election? Which election?

Kami: It would be ok, yeah.

J: Would it?

Kami: Yeah, anything is ok.

J: *laughs* You couldn't participate in the election could you, Kami? You don't have voting rights?

Kami: No, I don't, but instead, I can make myself into substance.

J: What?

Kami: By pretending to be a citizen.

T: Prentending to be a citizen?

J: Oh, is that it?

K: So that means you could pile up votes for someone?

J: Right?

Kami:...No, I can only do it once.

J: Oh, so you can only take on substance once?

Kami: Yeah, yeah...a bit like Devilman.

T: Ah, like Devilman.

J: But if you could do that, surely you'd be able to do it will two or three people? I feel as if you've just made that up.

*K laughs*

J: Did you just make that up, Kami?

Kami:...Yes, I did.

K: *laughs*

J: He did.

K: I feel like his heart hasn't been in it for a while now.

T: *laughs*

J: Kami, has your mind been elsewhere?

Kami: Ye...uh, no no no.

K: He said yes!

J: *laughs*

Kami: Crush the NHK.

J: Yes, crush it.

K: Well, on that note, I think we can finish here. Thank you, please tune in next time. Please subscribe, thank you very much.

J: Please do.

Kami: Vote for Joe!

*1 I think the confusion arises here, because rather than ticking a box, Japanese voters have to actually write down the name of the person they are voting for.

*2 Think thats what he meant.

*3,4 Couldn't catch these bits.

[sgt-spank]

I ship stridercest too (dirkdave not brodave but ppl seem to think its the same thing anyway so) but there's evidence in the comic that Bro sexually abused Dave. Bro surrounded his 13 year old brother figure with *sex toys* and put photos of Dave on his *porn site* where he sales those sex toys. Thats sexual abuse. Im not going to stop shipping stuff and i dont expect you to either but its a little silly to ignore the fact that smuppets are blatantly sex toys and Bro exposed a child to them

Now I KNOW that you didn’t read Homestuck. If you had actually read the source material you’d know that smuppets weren’t sex toys. Ever. It was FANDOM that decided that they were going up asses.

This is a BAD FAITH ARGUMENT. Smuppets are puppets he used for “snuff”. It was “ironic”. Hussie was making a SAW joke. Bro Strider would destroy the puppets in various ways on his website for his viewers. Dave just so happened to be the one to turn on the blender when we see some of it go down . Bro sells videos of puppets being destroyed in grisly ways, and y’all take that as sexual assault. Fandom takes that as “Bro r*pes Dave to sleep every night!!!”

You spot one of your BRO'S many WEBCAMS nearby, recording the incident.

It seems you may have just been an unwitting accessory to some sort of grisly puppet snuff film. You're not totally sure how you feel about that.

The thing is that fandom believes anything in this context was meant to get Bro off instead of it literally being a joke about one of Hussies favorite film franchises. Or maybe a cash grab. Which is exactly what it was.

Another one of your BRO's many ironic websites. The difference here is he rakes in thousands of dollars a month through this enterprise.

SMUPPETS are a multi-billion dollar a year enterprise, and it's awfully hard to resist taking a firm squeeze from the plump udder of that cash cow.

Rose loves the website. She thinks it’s hilarious. The grass is always greener on the other side, right?

TG: hey

TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets

TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little

TT: You're referring to your brother's collection?

TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all

TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever

TG: or semi-semi ironic

TG: man i dont even know

TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up

TT: I've seen his websites.

TT: I like them.

TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD

I’m not even trying to argue that snuff films aren't uncomfortable for Dave to be exposed to, or be part of, in his own right, or that puppet snuff as a fetish isn't a fetish, just that like... They aren't sex toys and that's a headcanon that got wildly out of control

Also, Dave visiting Bro’s website doesn't mean that Bro made him visit it

Dave has the password to Bro’s computer.

Your BRO's computer is password protected of course to protect all the incredible top secret shit he's got on the burners.

Of course you know what the password is, and he knows you know it, and you're both cool with that because the password is the most awesome thing it can be.

His password is almost certainly “LILCAL”.

And this part can be a little hard to explain to folks that don’t read into things in context, right? When Dave says Bro knows that he knows his password... Does Bro know this, ACTUALLY? A lot of characters assert that something’s TOTALLY FINE, and EVERYONE IS COOL WITH IT..

When that’s not the case.

Would mom really not mind if Rose started helping herself to alcohol? Rose also specifically reads bad faith into Roxy’s love of wizards, which is a genuine love of wizards.

Does Bro know Dave has his password, or has Dave guessed it, and assumes it's fine, and is projecting about how Bro would react?

There is NUANCE to these things. There isn’t supposed to be an easy answer. However, I can say this:

Bro’s lock screen literally says “Oh hell no.” So how is Dave not the kid clicking "proceed" on ao3's warnings???

Let’s not forget too that Dave reads Rose’s journal and her wizard fic.

Dave: Make copies of Rose's journals.

Can't forget the most important thing you came up here to make.

Gotta be gettin' your snoop on.

"Oh hell no" does not mean "Ironically, walk on in Dave! it's cool that you know my password and dig through my files.” Dave asserts this through the narrative as if it’s true. But there’s nothing from Bro to indicate that he is at all cool with Dave looking through his shit. The guardians don’t speak much in general. If at all. They are silenced. We know that they MUST be talking to each other, right? But by way of the narrative we are unable to see this. Like how they have to unlock the “gift of gab” to be able to talk to one another outloud in a dialog. So it is symbolic of how difficult it is to communicate with your parents.

The characters are frequently wrong in their assumptions but Homestuck does not remind the reader "Oh ho, you were wrong!" Until a thousand pages later when you realize they were wrong the whole time. Or you never realize it because you don't reread it and don't pay attention and only care about fanon.

And when Dirk and Dave are on the rooftop, Dave says to Dirk:

DAVE: i think...

DAVE: there is a SLIGHT chance...

DAVE: i may be the biggest idiot in the world

DIRK: ?

DAVE: when it comes to understanding some things about my bro

DAVE: some pieces i never really put together

DAVE: about him

DAVE: until maybe literally right now

DAVE: which i think makes me an objective dumbass

So after this whole conversation about how he doesn't think Bro loved him, it clicks that OH, Bro is queer. And we can infer -- but is not in the text explicitly -- that this very reason fandom is so CONVINCED that Bro molested Dave, is why Bro was afraid to hug his child.

It’s also important to mention:

The guardians were stuck between a rock and a hard place. They all approach preparing their kids for the end of the world in different ways. It’s just that somehow the queer guy is the only one that is recognized as surface-level textbook abusive.

“What happened, Dave?”

“Oh nothing. I fell down some stairs.”

It’s easy for the fandom to choose him as the be all end all evil because looking at the rest of the guardians takes too much thought and effort. Fandom wants surface level reasons to get pissed off and demonize content creators. Sections of fandom only perceive physical abuse as real abuse when the fact or the matter is that abuse is abuse regardless of what people think. Acknowledging the other guardians’ brand of abuse isn’t excusing Bro’s.

In popular fanon, the pie tins don’t count. The alchoholism and neglect don’t count. The abandonment and hoarder environment Jade lived in doesn’t count.

“Oh, but it was Tavros.” Grandpa Harley did the same shit with Jude and Joey.

You have to remember that you can love someone and STILL BE ABUSIVE. A parent can love their kid and still be abusive. Folks just feel more comfortable writing Mom Lalonde’s abuse off as her “NOT MEANING TO!!!! ))):”

All I wanted when I made my point about the guardians was for people to take Dad Egbert slamming pies and cakes into Johns face every day as seriously as this. Or take Rose being neglected to the point of attempted suicide as seriously as this. Or take toddler Jade being handed a loaded gun as seriously as this. Or take John and Jane being forced to stay permanently locked away in their houses as seriously as this.

If you can’t, then you shouldn’t be reading Homestuck or involving yourself in the fandom.

Everything is, and is not a joke, simultaneously.

That’s Homestuck.

[ithisatanytime]

Vegetables are fucking bullshit. im not gonna proofread this, but if you want to lose weight this is literally the only thing besides surgery that will work and its not even hard at all i promise, this was not inspired by me being disgusted with fat women, as everybody knows im down with the thickness. not fat though, there is a wider range for men then women believe, but i guess they are mostly just trying to compete with each other (i dont actually believe this for a second, it is for men its just a subconscious instinct, manifesting consciously as a desire to compete or look good) i added this long as disclaimer because this is a lifelong interest of mine, i always talk about it, but i dont want some poor girl to read it and think i want her to go on a diet you are beautiful just as you are, but at the same time i didnt want past relationship girls to see me saying i was down with the thickness and think they were heavy, only one was heavy

  Dont get me wrong, i like vegetables, but they are honest to god a fucking scam. vegetables are CHEAP, especially grains and cerials, to be honest grains are less bullshit than leafy greens, but they are still kind of bullshit. you are made of fucking meat, thats what you are, all the stuff you need or pretty damn close, is found in meat, vegetables are mostly insoluble fiber, very low in calories, which despite what you have been led to believe is not a good thing. its nice to have a little roughage in your diet, but the idea that we should be eating primarily plant based food is fucking insane, and i suspect is a result of the sugar companies years long propaganda campaign against fat. for years they funded studies claming dietary fat or cholesterol caused fat to accumulate on the body, and cholesterol in the arteries, we have known since the seventies that these claims were false, but the propaganda campaign was so extensive, even doctors commonly fuck this up. you cant digest plants on your own, you need to recruit gut bacteria to ferment it in your bowels, in other words it rots in your guts making you bloated and gassy, all for just a tiny bit of calories, its ASS, because no one can live that way, your diet is failing because you arent eating enough meat. meat is food, its real food. no fucking animal would go through the trouble of evolving the necessary intelligence and hardware needed to have to KILL every single meal, if it wasnt so much better than the fucking grass and leaves that are everywhere, and grass is much easier to catch and kill than a gazelle,so why bother? because the gazelle is food, its made of the same building blocks you are, you are made of meat.

   Meat is much more readily digested in your body than plant matter, people think that meat constipates you and ive seen people say it sits in your gut for years, the opposite is true, meat is digested quickly and efficiently leaving behind almost no waste material whatsoever, meaning you arent pooping because you arent making poop, meat is digested almost completely where as plant matter is filled with fiber which passes through either completely unchanged or only mildly changed into a gel like substance in the case of soluble fiber.  but heres the real MEAT of this post (heh) fats and proteins from animal sources (meat) are far more satiating than carbs from plants, meaning a hundred calories of animal fats and’/proteins will keep you full for longer, than a hundred calories of carbs, and i can prove it, a boneless skinless chicken breast has 284 calories (very little fat but high in protein) thats less total calories than two cans of mountain dew, how long do you think you could last after eating a chicken breast vs drinking two mountain dews? there are 250 calories in a new york strip steak, thats less than two potatoes, i bet you could last all day if you ate a new york strip steak for breakfast, a potato and a half without butter or anything? you would crash by noon.

 Vitamins are fucking bullshit. as long as you get micronutrients into your body at some point, meaning you arent a third worlder who eats nothing but one kind of cheap food, you are getting vitamins, all of them, most of them and guess what, meat has literally all of the required vitamins your body needs in abundance, so long as you occasionally eat liver. but it hardly fucking matters, almost no one in the first world is seriously deficient in micronutrients (the vitamin d thing is bullshit, they miscalculated the requirements or there is some racial factor they refuse to aknowlege, because if fucking everyone is d3 deficient and doing just fine, then no one is. also d3 is found ONLY in animals, not in plants) its all about macro-nutrients FAT PROTEIN carbs, you are eating too much carbs, if you try to stop eating so much carbs you are going to fuck it up, i promise you, your body keeps track EVERY DAY, trying to maintain homeostasis, you will take one extra bite, you will measure your portions wrong, you will eat a whole goddamn cake because you are starving, your body is better at counting calories than you will ever be. so heres what you do, DONT TRY, if you have to try you will fail, you are working too goddamn hard, be realistic with yourself, a temporary diet is actually fucking meaningless, diets are for life. you cant sustain that horrible dumb ass bulshit girl magazines are trying to make you live on, NO ONE CAN, less than 6 percent of people who have lost significant amounts of weight will keep the weight off after a year. who the fuck knows after that as well, other than its certainly less than six percent. i am giving you the cheat code right now, all you have to do is take my word for it, do i seem like i spent years obsessing over this shit? because i have, heres the secret. all you have to do, nothing more, if you try to do more you are fucking up! all you have to do, is take your body weight, divide it by two, and try to get that many grams of protein per day, like your life depended on it, preferably from MEAT. preferably with fat! but honestly i dont fucking care. tbh if you are a girl, id shoot four 40-50 grams everyday, and heres the thing, please! do not go for lowfat, lean meats. you want meat with fat on it, preferably unprocessed, you can still eat hamburgers and sausages but dont make them the center piece of your diet, because they actually add fats in as part of the processing, you can stil leat it though, if you try to get your 40 grams of protein from lean meat like chicken breast alone, you will go crazy and quit, or you will just eat a bunch of carbs to make up for it. again, you want fat and protein. if for the next two months, you made it your goal to eat whatever the fuck you wanted (this is important) so long as you got 40 grams of protein a day, preferably from animal sources, preferably with fat, i promise you, not only will you lose weight like fucking crazy, but it wont even be hard at all, you will feel like you are fucking gorging yourself while slowly getting hotter. that being said, to us men, being hyper thin is not really all its cracked up to be, thats gay fashion designer shit, we like women to be soft, to contrast are hard muscular bodies.

[alienoriana]

Why Lonely Road is about John

1st Disclaimer: Approaching a Paul song is trickier than a John song IMO. Mainly because Paul seems to enjoy and embrace more the weirdness, the serendipity, the subconscious that can break in and subvert the creative process. John himself described Paul’s lyrics as surreal (maybe in oposition to his own lyrics, which are “real” real. For more insights about it, read this great post from @thecoleopterawithana). This is important because Paul usually prefer to highlight that aspect when he’s talking about one of his songs. That tendency may create the impression that he is more detached from his lyrics, when in fact he is trying to focus on that dimension that he considers to be an indispensable part of his identity as a songwriter. Sometimes its a dream, sometimes its a catchy line, sometimes its a mistake that works, sometimes its a minor event or a random person (or animal), or all these elements together. And thats what Paul will tell us later when ask about the song: that little thing that made the tune go and grow.

But when one tries to understand a song (emotional) motives, this tendency gets in the way -and probably that’s how Paul prefers it: just keep guessing, and more importantly, keep listening to the songs-.

2nd Disclaimer: As much as I believe that John and Paul were (are) soulmates, Im aware of the equal (and different) intensity of the bond they had with their spouses. The fact that I focus on J/P relationship, doesn't mean that I like to place their relationship over the others, as more important than the others.  In this case (this song) in particular, I say this in relation to Paul and Linda's relationship. Even if I try to show why I think John's presence is strong in a song, it does not mean that I deny the possibility that Paul actually is alluding to Linda, or even both, sequentially or at the same time. Because the heart is that messy and complex, and big.

I feel that I tried to cover myself too much before I even started, but both issues are usually present almost always in my reflections about his (their) songs (my favorite McLennon topic), and I think this post is a good opportunity to express it.

And now, to the song... [finally, right?]

Lonely Road was included as opening track in the album “Driving Rain”, published in november 2001. The main themes of the album are influenced by the mixed feelings of grief over the recent death of his longtime partner, and of excitement over a new relationship. There’s longing and thankfulness, but also the wish to let go to be able to go on.

Some of the songs were written during a holiday in India, in early 2001, where Paul had not returned since the events of 1968 (!). I think this little fact is esential to read this song. We can ask ourselves: Could Paul have remained indifferent to that place so associated with John and The Beatles, and to the memories it could have awakened?

The lyrics...

I tried to get over you I tried to find something new But all I could ever do Was fill, my time With thoughts, of you

I tried to go somewhere old To search for my pot of gold But all I could ever hold Inside, my mind Were thoughts, of you

I hear your music And it's driving me wild Familiar rhythms In a different style I hear your music And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

I hear your music And it's driving me wild Familiar rhythms In a different style I hear your music And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

The analysis of the one who does not want to be analyzed...

When asked about this particular song, Paul was as usual nonchalant about its meaning.

In 2001, he was saying this:

‘Lonely Road’ was also written in Goa, where I was enjoying the beach and the sea and generally chilling out in the new century. Again, I had a few moments in the afternoon, which is always a good time for me, a quiet spell when it’s always cool for me to go off and fondle my guitar. The songs basically wrote itself in about an hour. It is what it is, this song, you can make of it what you want to make of it. To me it’s not particularly about anything other than not wanting to be brought down. It’s a sort of anti-being brought down song, which is for anyone and everyone. It’s ‘don’t want to get brought down again, don’t want to walk that lonely road’, it’s symbolic for anyone who’s been through any sort of problems. It’s a defiant song against loneliness, written in a hotel room in Goa. - Driving Rain Interview, 2001.

“It’s a defiant song against loneliness”, thats a fantastic little definition, which goes well with not only this song but many of Paul’s tunes.

In another quote, published much later, Paul speaks a little about the simple motivation for a certain rhyme:

‘Lonely Road’ was written in India, and that’s a bit… I don’t really know what I’m doing, just blues longing. I say I tried to go somewhere ‘old’, that’s India. ‘To search for my pot of gold’, well I wasn’t, I was on holiday. So it’s half imagination, half reality. If I’m looking for a rhyme for old, and pot of gold comes into my mind, then I don’t resist. ‘I try to go somewhere old cos I no longer need a pot of gold?’ Fuck that. Let’s go somewhere old to search for a pot of gold seems more like a song. - "Conversations With McCartney", by Paul Du Noyer, 2015.

In both quotes, its like he’s saying: “It’s nothing, it’s just this song I made up on a holiday, I didnt want to get brought down, ‘old’ just goes well with ‘gold’, the usual things in a songwriter life. Don’t pay that much attention to it, don’t think too much about it, I certainly didn’t”.

Interestingly, he makes reference in the 2001 interview to another song of the same album, and he once again tries to make it clear that the sources of inspiration were deeply rooted in free asociation.

‘About You’ was written in India, in Goa. We had such a relaxing start to an Indian holiday which was at the beginning of 2001. It was exciting, I hadn’t been back to India since the Mararishi days, which was 25 years or so ago. It was great to look around a bit more; I’d only seen Rishikesh, north of Delhi, before. We started off in Goa, relaxed beach time, and one afternoon I wrote ‘About You’ on a little travel guitar I’ve got which has it’s own amp in it. I picked some words out for the song after seeing a copy of The India Times which was lying around. - Driving Rain Interview, 2001.

“I read the news today, oh boy" kind of feeling... Hmmm... (I wonder what that newspaper was about)

IMO, every time Paul strives to asociate a certain song to something inexplicable, casual and without intermediation, he actually suggests that the motivation is very intimate and subconscious. At the same time, he refuses to analyse it. He wont talk about it, because he cant answer for himself at that moment, that place and time. And he probably believes that if he tries to grasp its meaning and set it in stone, sort to speak, he would kill the song. In this case, I think he tries to say there is no clear intention, but its also a strong feeling he can’t help to express.

And when he alludes to the specific lyrics, he carefully avoids the “middle eight” of the song: “I hear your music and it's driving me wild / Familiar rhythms in a different style / I hear your music and it's driving me wild again”.

“I hear your music"... Whose music? 

Ok, Paul, you chose “gold” to rhyme with “old” (and I will not try to relate the “pot of gold” line with the famous twin dreams that John and Paul had after meeting for the first time). Fine. 

But who is the person he is talking to throughout the song? Whose memory is the one “taking him down” there in India, in a supposedly happy holiday?

Yes, it can be Linda, but if so, wouldn't Paul say "our music"?. Im inclined to believe that this music he’s hearing (and its driving him “wild”... wild as “young and rebellious”? wild as “angry and mad”?) belongs or relates to someone different.  

He sings: “Don't want to let you take me down / Don't want to get hurt second time around / Don't want to walk that lonely road again”.

Oh, this part I love. The reference to “second time” and “again” speak of a first time he was brought down and hurt, of a first time he walked “that lonely road”. Can this have to do only with his recent mourning, to which he’s saying in a way he’s done suffering? Or has to do with another, more distant, first departure, first great hurt? And even more, does this “first time” have something to do with India? (I remember now that Paul has another beautiful song that belongs to this period, maybe a little later, thats simply called “India”).

Why John, then?

The song transpires clearly a youthful rebellious spirit (”Fuck that”), expressing the need to shake off melancholy and nostalgia. And I think that in this way he suggests that he is more guarded in front of a process he already is familiar with. HE’S BEEN THERE. Because he has already gone through that lonely road, and it took him a long time to recover. This time, he feels the urge to recover faster (we'll know later that maybe it was too fast).

I dont know if the first mourning refers to his break-up with John or to John’s passing. Perhaps the proximity to India reinforces the first possibility.

Another thing to take into account is the fact that in the album Paul includes a song directly and explicitly related to Linda, Magic. On the contrary, in the case of Lonely Road, Paul decides to leave it orphan: it´s about noone, and nothing.

Lonely Road comes straight from the subconscious. It has a close, immediate trigger: probably another song that he hears and it makes him wild, and it brings him down, and it reminds him of another time when he was left alone.

And I think that song is a John’s song.

P.S.: Oh, not really related, but you definitely should watch the Lonely Road video. 

[fivour]

ppl who call jotaro’s personality boring or bland make me

ugh

like you can have ur opinions. u likely dont mean any harm and thats fine idc im not attacking you for not vibing with jotaro kujo, that would be silly

but it’s really damn obvious that jotaro is severely depressed.

and it always makes me feel weird to see people call his personality boring (i dont mean character development, that’s a different thing entirely) bc as someone w depression it’s so nice to finally see a character that is......... like me. you’d think w how common depression is authors wouldn’t be such misinformed cowards but a lot are. so jotaro is very dear to me. ironically it took almost a year for me to realize i relate to him so hard bc there’s like a 99.99999% chance he’s depressed.

depression is more than just being sad & people can be very high functioning and successful despite depression so let’s get that out of the way while i explain in unnecessary length why i believe this whether it was intentional by araki or not.

1. it makes you angry & moody depression and anger go hand in hand. irritability is a symptom for a reason, baby! it can make you very aggressive and give you a very short fuse (or the opposite, make you repress it). god knows i am aware of this lol. even the smallest things can set off intense anger. and jotaro’s aggressive responses r a notable feature of his character. not to mention that sometimes when you get really angry, it feels better than feeling nothing; sometimes you end up seeking it out just to feel something.

2. it makes you feel like a problem jotaro worries excessively, albeit for a reason but it also fits depression’s MO, that people he loves will be hurt bc of him. and a lot of people, myself included, lash out in anger when deeply upset, whether they are truthfully angry.

he is the problem. he is always the problem, in his mind. is that self centered? maybe. but it is a common thought and it often comes from a place of deep self loathing, not exaggerated self importance. he keeps people away bc if he gets involved with them, they get hurt; and this is only proved time and time again & he’s allowed to internalize that. which eventually ruins his family (ahem jokes about bad dad jotaro are not funny, they never have been, thank you and moving on.) and sometimes i wish he had the chance to cope with his shit and [cries]

3. it makes you apathetic and empty people also think jotaro is emotionless which honestly? maybe that could be the case. depression is very consistent (otherwise it’s usually something else, like a form of bipolar). for some people, myself included, the feeling they feel consistently is apathy or emptiness. instead of ‘neutral’ you just feel... void of anything at all. i would describe it as a cloud hanging over your entire life. sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours. but the cloud is always there. his apathy seems to be the main reason people hate him and it’s one of those things that i just cannot imagine the other side on, you know? it’s such a part of my own life.... i never realized people thought that was ‘unrealistic’.

there are many moments when you can feel happy, joyful, or peaceful; they are just few and far between. even though i am depressed, i have things that make me very happy. sure it’s one thing, but it’s a thing! for jotaro, that seems to be marine biology and family. although araki has some weird obsession with family being super important we will pretend that family is important to jotaro, not araki. anyways. these arent reasons to say he isnt depressed, bc there are some of the few things he seems to love. there are also ups and downs to your mood, as is there is for someone without any mental health issues.

4. it can accompany trauma and psychological issues jotaro grew up with a dad who was, as far as we can guess, never home. a dad so absent that joseph hated him and you know what joke im about to make there. yes im aware it’s also bc he ‘took his daughter away’ bc joseph was born when women were property and racism was super cool hashtag vintage but it is likely deeper than that for reasons that this post isnt about.

but.

sadao was an absent father and put work first and i can tell you from experience that destroys your self esteem as a child. you feel unimportant. you feel like you don’t come first to your parent. it certainly does not make for a happy childhood and any psychologist will scream at u that childhood is absolutely key in developing ur brain. theres also the fact that jotaro 100% got bullied for ‘not having a dad’ bc it was the 1980s and actually nvm that still happens haha hashtag vintage.

besides being depressed, this is also the example of a father that jotaro had growing up (ppl like to act like joseph lived w them lol no joseph was also a distant father figure, if one at all), so him being away from his family all the time? he probably didnt give it a second thought. beyond the fact that the subconscious exists and we dont consciously decide everything we do (which jojo fans in particular are super bewildered by idk what it is with yall), jotaro is also the type of person to avoid pondering his own personal problems.

so anyways........

i am done raving.

daddy issues aren’t a fucking joke i will fist fight you Right Now.

i love jotaro kujo.

thank u mr araki for making him.

goodnight

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

im gonna just keep punching thru my WIPs so here’s some ~ign gun stuff~. i know everyone wants to talk about the new trailer and calypso stuff, i mean i do at least, but `checks list` i still have a lot of old stuff to get thru 😵

god i’ve been working on this for *three days* (yes! im not dead!)

tl;dr: i mostly just wanted to talk about how the CoV is using slag to power their guns to give them infinite magazines and ended up getting more proof for my ‘the calypsos are using eridium/slag to quickly mutate their followers and give them special powers’ theory. Also some interesting stuff about troy’s sword and his tattoos and his lil necklace things at the very bottom, if you’re interested. mostly ties it all into the new Eridian glowing stuff we’ve been seeing. they’ve moved on from purple -> red. which brings up some interesting questions...

So first I’m going over the individual IGN weapon videos, which you can find on their site here and on youtube here through HayderHype (doing god’s work). i recommend checking out this version because the ign player is not spectacular.

now to be honest im here to talk about three things from this particular vid: the areas we see in the gameplay, the new funky alien parts, and the CoV guns. the manufacturer perks are cool and all, but we already know most of that stuff. so I won’t be showcasing every gun from the video, but instead the more interesting/important bits I’ve noticed as I watched it

cool? cool!

the first area we get is definitely space rocks, im imagining this is similar to the area we see Zane in on that one promo sheet, 

(this one)

and, more importantly, the area where we will find that bigass space laser gun thing. i do believe that giant-ass gun is somewhere within Promethea’s asteroid belt.

(this one)

i am curious why the planet below doesn’t appear to have any asteroids surrounding it. maybe the giant space laser destroyed them. which i do discuss in this post here, if you’re interested in a very long read.

it could be that we’re simply on the side of the asteroids. which then makes me wonder, why are they all clustered there? it’s probably because the fuckin moon was destroyed. maybe by the giant space laser. which is also discussed in the post above 👀

it could also be elpis! the rocks are definitely gray enough lol and we don't exactly have a very good frame of reference for ‘asteroid’ vs ‘moon’. the giant space gun is out of shot, afterall.

ah. alien guns. 

i don’t think these are related to the bl1 eridian guns- not the kind we’ve seen that look similar to the Guardians in-game

that is:

this is all the same sort material as the Guardians, with their bug bits and armor and shit and these new alien barrels are all organic and squishy. (oh also take note of that purple thing on the eridian lightning, im going to bring it back later)

these new ones are definitely fuckin creepy looking, but not very bug-like at all. if they are related to eridians, it’s not through the Guardians. (as for the ACTUAL Vault Guardians/Monsters, yeah, it’s possible. i’ll get to that in a secco)

for the tentacle stuff, i know the Destroyer (not a Vault Guardian- it was imprisoned) is all ‘tentacles and disappointment’, but tbh i don’t see the asphalt lookin chunks being part of the Destroyer. and i especially don’t see manufacturers themselves harvesting the Destroyer for gun parts (Hyperion aside lol)

i could see them tying it in with the Rampagers (both fleshy with the black armor bits) but also... they’re not very tentacle-y. and how would manufacturers be getting the rampager stuff anyway? i suppose if that really is a teleportation network, then they would be on all the planets we visit. making them more available for farming. but still.

and yeah, the rocks probably have some sort of relation to Eridians, i mean we’ve seen rocks like these at Eridian dig sites and we know of a Vault Monster made out of similar-looking rocks

plus

this shloot gun, which i will get to later, appears to be made out of the same rock. 

so wtf are these tentacle things? made by eridians specifically for weaponry? a different version of the eridian guns we find on Pandora? did the manufacturers find a whole stash of these things and start making their own? instructions on how to build them? we know eridian writing is stashed across the universe, afterall.

maybe they are meant to be something different...

i honestly don’t know, and im getting off topic here, so let’s move on.

not a crashed ship. i haven’t seen ALL the eden-6 gameplay, but i’ve seen a few and they had only gone through the ship AI quest with ice-t and the very uncomfortably long jabber section. seriously, tf was that? 

also i still don’t trust wainwright. that fucker is totally gonna betray us for the key once we get him the pieces. also did you know one piece of the promethean key is on Athenas? wildin’. wait this game is just One Piece in space... fairy vearth i am coming for you... oh god, do i have a type? i think i have a type when it comes to media. ... hm.

oh, but the facility. i wouldn’t be surprised if it were Atlas. the red stripes also got me like ‘old Hyperion’, but again tf would Hyperion be doing on Eden-6? plus that one shot with Hammerlock in the new Eden-6 video makes me think it is, in fact, Atlas. 

(side note, i love when i search my blog for a post with the word ‘eden-6′ in it and i get literally everything EXCEPT the post where the hyperlink is literally eden-6. tumblr! you suck! your search function is terrible!  https://cruddyborderlandstheories.tumblr.com/post/186858618497/eden-6. but yeah this is where that hammerlock shot is, if you’re interested)

specifically this little thing here

reminds me of this labeling system that we see on Promethea, which marks different parts of the city (red and blue are the 2 i’ve seen so far)

which then begs the question: what was ATLAS doing on eden-6? back when i thought this planet was promethea, that was fine. but... it’s not. so wtf are they doing here? 

personally, i think they were researching whatever Typhon Deleon found here (or thought he would find here). We see he has historical markers across the planet, so i would not be surprised if he found something. 

to add to that, we know there’s eridian things on planet, because a. we see a eridian log in the moze gameplay. 

and b, which is new info from the recent community Q&A: those purple crystals we see contain eridian writing, and we use a “special tool” to dig them out

so glad we finally know wtf these are for lol

“There’s Eridian Writing, and you need a certain tool to get the Eridian writing and once you do, you find this across there (the planets i assume) and this Eridian Writing opens up certain things for players”. which has certainly gotten me INTERESTED AS FUCK

i know i mentioned in my post about these crystals that maybe these were parts of eridian artifacts and stuff that tannis would help us with and turn into gear. but honestly given how vague he is by saying ‘opens up certain... things’... i almost want to say skill upgrades. 

i’ve mentioned before (and actually it’s come back recently in an ask) that I really, really, REALLY want our VHs to get bonus skill trees due to Siren powers being unlocked (cause like if we do graduate to Vault Guardian then who is to say... we won’t?) and, like, sure, if they can’t break the ‘6 Sirens in the universe at a time’ rule, then mayhaps we will get some sweet Eridian upgrades through these writings to our already available skills. maybe new standalone action skills, since they’ve made it very clear you can equip any action skill you want. lorewise, it could be like how Fl4k’s skag becomes an Eridian Skag (cough LostLegionEternal cough)

or, maybe, they actually are schematics and Tannis will help us build them and we’ll get cool gear out of it. maybe vehicle upgrades or something. maybe even something pertaining to Guardian Rank (which I still think is us graduating from Vault Hunter to Vault Guardian and if thats the case then i really hope siren = vault guardian becau- okay i’ll stop sorry.). I don’t think it will be something that we MUST do for the plot, so it can’t be THAT important to the lore. Like i said in the old post, we probably will break one or two for the main story after getting the stabby brass knuckles, then we will be let loose to collect the others on our own free time. 

but yeah, the wording of “opens up” is doing me a big thonk because... well, he’s making it sound like an entirely new aspect of the game we have yet to hear about. of course he could just be using a very literal sense of the word in that we are literally opening up the crystals by smashing them open and freeing whatever is locked inside. especially because he says that specifically the Eridian writing, which we acquire with the tool, is what opens up those certain things. 

also guessing we get this glowly stabby tool from Athenas now, instead of from Atlas. I’ll explain in the Athenas post!! I promise. we have LOTS of stuff to discuss there, i’m very excited to work on it.

jesus i got off topic.

but yeah. i imagine Atlas would be researching whatever Eridian stuff Typhon Deleon found here. there’s clearly writing all over the place, with lots of eridian logs

it could also be that this is like Supamax MFG or some other production facility that was shut down and abandoned. doesn’t always have to tie back into the deep lore, as much as i want it to lol

but moving on. because good lord im not even like 2 minutes in on the first video and i have 2 more to go after this.

this area feels like the inside of the asteroid base.

there’s nothing but rocks floating outside! so i guess the theory about this being on the side of the asteroids was correct! huzzah!

poor promethea. they didn’t deserve it. also may just be some way to link up the promethea teleport system (because yeah im still standing by that theory) to the rest of the planets. or this is some way to activate a temple, or a Vault, or something Rhys wants exploded like Maliwan HQ... so many possibilities. Maybe it’s just that Maliwan was sky-bombing Atlas-held areas and he sends us up here to stop it.

so many possibilities. so little time.

moving on

looks like the place amara visits in her character trailer. given we’ve also seen the area Fl4k visits, im excited to see if we’ll also be visiting the areas from Moze and Zane’s trailers.

eyy more looks at that facility. definitely feeling like this is Atlas.

also, this appears to be similar to the window brick, mordecai, and tina stand in front of in that one shot. i know i already mention this in that VERY old post where i organized all the areas of the dev and reveal trailers, but still. good to see it’s standing up

also, if you’re wondering why i have yet to mention or show any of the athenas clips, it’s because im saving those for my next post. athenas all day babey (i am trying to use self-restraint, it’s very hard for me to not just blather on about stuff i want to talk about lol)

this appears to be the tink stripper area lol

thanks gearbox i hate it

why

big varkid!! with what looks like the HBC in the background. possibly some named badass enemy we kill for hammerlock? i can’t imagine this is big enough to be vermi.

the area with the ferris wheel!! i hope we can ride it. also that rollercoaster in the claptrap presents pandora video? omg i want to ride it sooooo badly

ah this is the jakobs family thing. part of the ship from the eden-6 demo

iirc this was where Moze is using Iron Bear during the We Are Mayhem trailer. I wonder if that’s Rhys’s office in the back or smth. very fancy

okay. finally.

the Children of the Vault Weapons. I’m actually going to showcase a few of these, because I think it’s important.

remember, the CoV weapons have infinite magazines (not infinite ammo)

so if you’ve noticed the similarities between these weapons: they all seem to be powered by eridium/slag. some have the purple piping (and with the fire/corrosive/shock elements, i have to wonder if this is similar to how slag mutated enemies will get elemental affinities) and shards of eridium sticking out of the detailing. 

given the piping will change colors depending on the element used, i definitely don’t think the glowing purple is just for aesthetic purposes and i 100% believe this plays into their infinite magazine size. i think this is somewhat similar to the Eridian weapons, in which they have infinite magazines and rechargeable ammo

(using the eridian thunder storm as reference here)

the CoV weapons don’t have rechargeable ammo, but they definitely have infinite magazines, which i imagine is a step in the right direction to recreating these eridian weapons with slag/eridium

so is this the reason that slag pool we see is ‘Holy Holy Holy’?

^ this is a glimpse at the structure below in-game spewing out eridium/slag, so we know what the full version looks like

and below is a version without slag/eridium:

i mean, it’s not like there hasn’t already been a precedent for worshipping guns and what provides them. just take a look at the bloodshot ramparts, the bloodshots worshipping Marcus as a god for providing guns to them.

i mean, even the eyeball symbolism is pretty familiar here.

and yes, this could 100% replace my other theory that the twins are mutating their cultists with eridium/slag. but tbh, i think it proves it even further.

remember this?

that piping looks really familiar, doesn’t it?

and we know goliaths in bl2 were mutated by slag/eridium/ruin exposure- it’s explained that a lot of the bandits teetering on the verge on non-human were mutated because of eridian ruins/tech (the key in sledge’s mine). so why would it be hard to believe that the twins are accelerating or activating this process using their own store of eridium/slag?

i won’t go full theory on this, because you’ve already heard me rave about it, but i think this is very nice evidence, so long as our previous assumption about the slag/eridium powering the CoV guns is true. which i believe it is

(From the Eden-6 teaser trailer)

(from the We Are Mayhem trailer)

very similar

so what the hell is in those vials?

looking at them, it’s clear the first matches up with the slag gun and the second with the fire gun. all well and good. maybe they’re bottling up that elemental goodness as sort of an ‘oh shit’ button, or just as a way to stand out in the cult, show off your allegiance to them by mimicking Troy’s vials (which i suppose i’ll have to touch on in another post, because iit will derail everything)

so i imagine this is provided by the cult- maybe because they are powering up their cultists using slag, in a very similar way to how they’re powering up their guns. forcibly mutating them and all that- speeding up the process that normally happens somewhat slowly on Pandora. afterall, isn’t that what the cultists are being promised? ‘special powers’.

but there is more

we know Tyreen’s power is to absorb the powers of people. Phaseleech or something. and when she does it to lilith in the new cutscene, lilith simply has her Siren powers taken away and is left in a near-death state. 

which is all well and good, but when Tyreen does it to her cultists... hell, even the Sun Smashers, something different happens:

we’re even allowed to watch the process take place

even before he’s fully dead, this psycho is turning to stone, which doesn’t happen to lilith. there’s a few reasons this could happen

1. Tyreen didn’t have intent to kill. she wanted to leave Lilith for the dogs- the Eridium-tier cultists

2. Lilith’s Siren powers are sort of like a shield- instead of immediately turning to stone under the effects of Tyreen’s powers, she instead loses her abilities

3. the bandits are different from Lilith, and that is because of her abilities as a Siren.

im going to go for the 3rd option.

we know bandits on Pandora are mutated by the slag/eridium/eridian ruins surrounding them. Krieg, an off-worlder, is taken into a hyperion testing facility and tested on with slag, which turns him into the badass psycho we know today. that gives him the exposure to slag/eridium/eridian ruins/tech. you get the deal. (im just going to call it eridium in reference to all eridian ruins/tech/slag/eridium.) and like Krieg, we see badass psychos roaming the wastes, even before Hyperion slag testing began to take place. this is because of their exposure to eridian ruins/technology across pandora- eridium hadn’t appeared until after the first Vault opened. 

so i dont think it hard to believe that these bandits are still being affected by exposure, to the point that eridium had begun to build up in their bodies, leading to these physical mutations and new elemental powers. this happens to the wildlife of Pandora, too. Badass elemental skags, fire spiderants, even bloodwing shows (a speedrun version of) this in the WEP. some muted bandits include badass psychos, goliaths, burning psychos, slagged psychos. etc, etc.

i think Lilith, being a Siren, is protected from the effects of ‘background radiation’ of eridium. she’s able to process eridium without any byproduct, and we can assume she’s converting it fully into energy/power (as Sirens are able to charge Vault Keys with it). we could argue that her Siren skill gain in borderlands 1 is explained by her being near eridian ruins for a majority of the game (slow buildup of background ‘radiation’), then in bl2 her skills skyrocket to an entirely new level (teleportation) because of her direct contact with pure eridium. and since she’s able to convert eridium into power, she doesn’t turn to stone when Tyreen absorbs her lifeforce- she has no buildup in her body.

unlike her, the bandits who spent a long enough time (7 years is long enough for the Sun Smashers, I would imagine. also probably long enough for Vaughn to start losing it- just a little bit) on Pandora to continuously absorb this eridium have a significant build-up in their bodies, so when Tyreen absorbs their life forces, the eridium already inside them is drawn out, or reacts with her powers, and turns them to stone/eridium crystals.

anyway.

moving on to more gun stuff

Borderlands 3: Every Gun Maker and Their Perks

like the last vid, im just going to be going over some interesting areas and guns if i see any.

>hold down the trigger to charge the gun and release a powerful pulse shot

did they fix Maliwan guns??? iirc from the demo you had to charge them to shoot at all! that’s wonderful!

also

looks like Zane might have an ECHO log somewhere in the Meridian Metroplex, if the VHs don’t have ECHOs in their inventory as starting gear (im curious if the ones on Sanc-III are supposed to replace that, or if they’ve only been put there for the demo...)

the reason im assuming this is an ECHO is because ur character’s icon will only appear if ur coop player is speaking and they’re far away from you (no coop partner in this clip), or if you’ve activated an ECHO log. there may be a as-of-yet unrevealed option, like maybe the twins playing back a recording, but we’ll see.

so, ahhh if ur in this general location, be on the lookout for anything glowing like a quest item

also also im surprised there are players who are using Zane and not playing with 2 action skills. that’s like... sort of his biggest thing.

ah well, that’s literally the only interesting thing outta this video, so moving on

5 of the Craziest and Awesome Guns in BL3

yeah this is the one gun i wanna talk about- i said i was going to be bringing it back later on and i wasn’t joking

so it should be pretty obvious by now this thing is Eridian. if the symbol on the top didn’t convince you, and the rocks didn’t either, then the diamond should, bc apparently that’s just, like, an Eridian thing now. apparently. no im not salty this shape just started appearing only in the 3rd game. that’s ridiculous.

... okay, only a little, i guess.

personally, i think this gun exists to explain why the Vaults and Vault Monsters drop loot that is... from our world/time period. Feed it Eridium, get guns out. how does it actually make gun? iunno. looks like it’s powered by fire, though. or whatever is in Troy’s sword/the cool knife knuckles

this stuff

orrrr

this stuff.

which... makes me think Troy doesn’t use his sword in the intro fight because he doesn’t have it yet. he might be waiting to get it back (upgrade?) or until he’s strong enough to hold it- or he just hasn’t found it yet. 

i mean, the boy can’t even pick himself up off the ground and suddenly I’m supposed to believe he can wield a sword that’s probably heavier than he is? he’s probably waiting to be full strength to use the damn thing.

and if he doesn’t have it yet, i would imagine they find it on Athenas or in one of the other temples while using the teleportation network (i will die for this theory until im proven wrong) and yoink that shit. i mean, who wouldn’t?

which also is making me wonder if the stuff around his neck is the new (old? before/after eridium?) Eridian energy/power. which i guess means we’re looping all the way back around to theory #1: wtf are those things around troy’s neck lol

it would be interesting if he’s gotta hold onto this for his powers or something. double interesting if Tyreen is making him use it because he’s useful, even though it’s killing him- if he’s useful somehow (like thru distributing the powers Tyreen holds, like i’ve been saying with my input/output twins theory for quite some time now) then Tyreen NEEDS him to do this for the cult.

i mean, his tattoos do glow the same color as the Eridian tech when they’re transferring what i assume is energy between the two of them

so it's not too hard to believe that his tattoos are somehow tied to this eridian tech mess. 

i almost wonder if this is like... a new version of Siren we haven’t seen yet. one not linked to Eridium like the other Sirens are. maybe created before/after the eridians had access to eridium (before they discovered it/locked it away in the Vault of the Destroyer), or an artificial one produced by the red-based eridian tech- and that’s why his tattoos are the same color as all the new eridian stuff we’ve been seeing.

but, eh. it’s whatever. this is a gun post, not a Calypso post. i’ll go in depth in a later post :^) (i am trying to stay on topic now. we’ll see how long this lasts lol)

[pinkykitten]

kinda like a date

Detroit: Become Human

Connor x human! female

Warning: some vulgar language about ur pizza, u failing cuz that COIN trick is too DANG hard 

Specifics: comedy, fluff, race neutral reader, one-shot, human reader, police officer reader

People: connor, hank anderson, store lady (oc)

Words: 1,155

Requested: By anon I'm desperately looking for someone that will write a Connor x Reader where the Reader is buying a Android for the first time after saving enough money. But I don't know if ya okay with smut? If not then the request without smut.

Authors Note: this has no smut in it cuz ur girl dont write smut srry but i hope this is what u meant lol i kinda went a lil bit over board with this hehehehe. but i made u a police officer in this cuz i wanted it to fit connor’s story still so this is all i could think of. its been a while since ive written for dbh so im happy i gots a request if u want to request more for this fandom pls do my requests r currently open dearies!!!!

You worked at the police department. Working a full shift was tiring but you made it work. Your job as a police officer was normal until more and more androids were used in the department. To you it was a thought of why not? You personally did not mind androids helping police, that just means you get less work, but some were against it. 

You then decided, with the money you saved up that you would go and buy an android. You’ve seen some be used for nannies, caretakers, just workers every where. Unfortunately, since the company of the department you worked for didn’t want the model of the new android, you would have to get it with your own cash. To you it seemed right, you created the idea that this thing would work and you would get some days off. 

Arriving at the place you noticed many of different models of androids. 

“Hello ma’am, what can I get for you today?” The store lady gave a fake smile and you couldn’t tell if she was an android or a real human. 

“Yeah, um, hi, I’m looking for a specific android that was made for my department-”

“Oh I’ll get you the exotic dancer android right now.”

“No, no, no,” you shook your head and hands. “I work at the police department. I’m here to buy and pick up the one that was made for us. Its sent from cyberlife?”

The lady nodded and typed some things in the computer. You handed her your hard working money and waited for the android. He walked out, so smoothly. He was a very handsome android. You hit yourself in the head for thinking that. The android walked up to you and with a serious face said, “hello my name is Connor. I’m the android sent by Cyberlife.” His face was so stoic, so empty.

You smiled and waved at him, “hello there Connor, my name is y/n. I’m the human that came out of my mother’s vagina. Now lets get to know each other.”

As you said that word Connor’s eyes flew open slowly until he had a shocked expression. It made you laugh to know that an android can think that way and have that expression. All he said was wow as he muttered next to you. 

“So y/n, what is your status at the police department?” Connor asked as he walked by you as you walked out of the store. 

“Oh me? I’m just a uniformed office, just a regular police gal. I already have the info that you are going to be partnered up with my friend Hank Anderson, he’s a detective. So you’ll have fun with that one.” You placed a hand on Connor’s back. Connor peered around and saw your hand. “Do you enjoy your job y/n?”

You went to a cart nearby and paid for a drink since it was hot outside, “oh well you know, its work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for this job its just, sometimes work can be really stressful and time consuming. I just wish I had more freedom and not so much job.”

“Would you like me to discuss your situation with the head of the police department?” Connor asked so innocently. His brown, doe, plastic orbs staring right into your e/c ones.

You almost chocked on your drink, “no please don’t, I might get fired if you do. I don’t know when the day will come when I do speak out or I do something about it, huh maybe I never will.”

“If would be informative to the head of the police department if you were to say something. Also, I understand that there is a case you all are currently working on.”

You took a sip of your drink and paused, “yeah we do but how do you know about that?”

Connor tilts his head to one side, “all the information and data about past cases and present cases are stored within me. I now know much of what you all have worked on.”

“Wow, thats pretty cool actually.” It was weird, you were actually really enjoying talking to Connor. He was a robot, he was not real, he did not feel anything. Maybe thats why you liked talking to him so much, he didn’t put personal feelings or opinions in the conversation, no he just listened to you. You were starting to like Connor’s company more and more. 

Suddenly, Connor did a trick with a coin. 

“Okay, alright then.” You backed away, pretty impressed, “where did you learn that? Or was that in your data too?”

“Would you like to try?” Connor says giving you the coin.

“Oh I don’t know, I don’t think I’ll be good at it.” You tried to resist, feeling bashful. 

“You will never know until you try, go ahead and give it a go.” As Connor passed the coin to you your hands touched. His skin felt almost like human skin, but it felt more plastic and more artificial, a little rubbery as well. 

“Alright then,” you took the coin and Connor went right beside you. His body close to yours but it was odd. There was no body heat like normal, no body smell nothing just Connor. His lips were right by your ear. “You have to pay close attention to this.” (omg this so reminds me of when bryan taught jacksepticeye how to do it) “You have to try to get it between your fingers, so let me toss it to you.”

“Can I look down?”

“No.”

“Connor!”

Connor sighed, “fine you may, but just the first time.”

As Connor stood close to you he flicked to coin in your direction. You tried closing your fingers as fast as you could but the coin only hit a piece of your finger and fell to the floor. 

“NAILED IT!” You joked as you danced at your failing victory. 

For a minute you thought you saw Connor smile at your silliness. As you proceeded to walk you spotted a dog with his owner walking by. 

“Awww look how cute he is,” you bent down and pet the dogs back. The dog barking and wagging his tail. 

“I like dogs,” Connor says as he too bends down. 

“Really? You too? I didn’t know you liked dogs, aren’t they the best?”

“They are perfect companions, like what folks say in this day and age, dogs are a mans best friend.”

You grinned, “they certainly are.”

After you two had your little fangirling moment with dogs you two went onto the police department. You two talked about everything and anything. This was going to be a new experience not just for you but for everyone you worked with, but you know somehow some way it would work itself out. Plus you thought Connor was great, and who knows maybe you and him could become closer in the future.

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[kianraidelcam]

Rest of the story below the cut for those who don’t want to click the link! My sister asked if Connor liked cats so this came out of that. Thanks for reading! @interstellarvagabond Thought you might enjoy this :)

In retrospect, perhaps Connor should have taken up North on her offer to walk him home.

Of course, he was fully capable of defending himself and others when the situation called for it, but he had a feeling the fiery WR400’s presence would have ended this confrontation before it became physical. As it was, Connor was bracing himself for an altercation, allowing his preconstruction software to determine the best methods for finishing this fight before it even begins, when a soft cry distracts him. He glances at the tiny thing cowering in the corner of the alleyway, the cat whose cries attracted him to this area to begin with, and the three humans who had been tormenting the poor thing take advantage of his momentary lapse in concentration.

Despite their temporary advantage, the most they do is bloody his nose and Connor has them running before a full minute has passed. It was rare for him to find a human who could match his skill in combat, and three teenagers hardly qualified as a fight. By the time he has turned to the trembling feline, he has already sent the precinct a report listing their names with video from his optical units as evidence of their misdeeds. Connor crouches down and quiets his voice, murmuring soft reassurances to the cat as he assesses its condition.

His analysis immediately identifies it as a female tortoiseshell, approximately aged two months old, in stable condition despite a severe break in her right hind leg. Connor’s LED blinks yellow as he searches for an available veterinary clinic while he reaches toward the little ball of fur, smiling as it cautiously reaches forward to sniff at his hand. “That’s it, little one, I’m not going to hurt you,” he murmurs, sliding closer to the slowly calming animal.

The kitten’s yellow eyes become half-lidded as she rubs her head against the palm of his hand and Connor takes that as an invitation to carefully pick her up, gently shrugging off his jacket to swaddle the tiny feline. Aside from a mewl of discomfort, she otherwise remains compliant, purring softly as the android scratches her head absentmindedly. The flickering yellow in his temple returns to blue as his search for a clinic yields no results. Not that he expected any at this time of night, although he certainly hoped at least one place would be open. “Alright, little one, you’re going to have to stay with me tonight,” the kitten blinks at him owlishly, “Don’t worry, I’ve already downloaded information on treating compound fractures in cats. I’ll take care of you tonight.”

The RK800 turns to continue his walk home, softly talking to the kitten the whole time, assuring it of a future with warm milk and a proper bed to lie in.

Detective Gavin Reed was beyond pissed off.

Of course his car had to fucking break down when it was forty fucking degrees out. Of course he had to get off work at ten fucking pm. Of course he broke his fucking phone this morning so he couldn’t call a fucking taxi. Mondays are a real bitch, and this one of course was no different. And then, of course, on his way home, he had to run into fucking RoboCop 1.0. Fucking androids, man. Gavin swore CyberLife had designed them to be as annoying as possible.

Brown eyes rose from the jacket bundled in his arms to mee Gavin’s green ones, and he had to stop himself from gasping at the sight of the plastic prick. Normally prim and proper, the android’s nose had a trail of blue blood leaking from it, the white plastic beneath showing as the skin glitched around it. Blue speckled his white button up, and if Gavin looked close enough, there was a hint of red blood on the gray jacket bundled in his arms. “The fuck happened to you, Barbie,” the question escapes him before he can contain it.

Gavin almost smiles vindictively when the robot mood ring jumps from blue to red, before settling on yellow. The android just stares at him for a second, and Gavin starts to wonder if he’s actually damaged until Connor answers, “Cat.”

He just blinks and Connor clears his throat, “Forgive me, Detective Reed. I meant that there was a cat in need of my attention. I was bringing her home to take care of her injuries, if you’ll excuse me.”

Gavin finally looks at the bundle in Connor’s arms and he can feel his heart drop as he notices the tiny yellow eyes staring at him. God damn it. The damn piece of plastic found his one weakness, a feat even his robo-brother hasn’t managed to do yet. The question leaves his mouth unbidden yet again, “Can I see?”

The android hesitates, and Gavin supposes he deserves it. He hasn’t exactly shown Terminator he had empathy as of yet, but Connor manages to shock him again when he relents, gingerly moving the jacket to give Gavin a better view of the most fucking adorable kitten he has ever seen. He’s aware of Connor mumbling in the background about how he came across the kitten, but all of his attention is focused on the bleeding leg just barely visible and the anger that rises with it. He sighs and runs his hands through his hair, “Fucking hell, Connor…”

Connor stops in his explanation, a single eyebrow raised as a prompt to continue. “Look, I got some vet supplies at home from when Ellie got an infection, and I know a thing or two about taking care of cats.”

Of fucking course Connor tilts his head.

“You can take the fucking thing to my house.”

Of fucking course Connor doesn’t say anything, the prick.

“I promise I won’t hurt you. I got a…thing...for cats,” Gavin smiles softly as he reaches to rub the kitten’s head, “I won’t hurt her.”

The mood ring blinks once, twice, and then returns to blue as Connor straightens up, “That would be acceptable.”

Gavin just rolls his eyes and refrains from shouldering the robot if only to spare the kitten, and leads him to his apartment, where he knows Ellie is pissed off from him missing dinner time. “You tell anyone about this, I’ll fuck you up, you understand me?”

“Need I remind you of our fight in the evidence room, Detective? I calculate a-”

Gavin cuts off the asshole before he can finish his calculation, “I don’t have to help you.”

Connor closes his mouth as Gavin fumbles for his keys, cold fingers uncooperative. He swears under his breath, even as he smiles when he hears Ellie scratching at the door like she’s helping to let him in. He might never get his security deposit back but, damn, did she make him smile. He finally gets the door open and lets the android inside, ignoring the sharp claws climbing up his legs to reach his shoulder, motioning for Connor to sit on the couch as he heads to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. “Did you do your scanning thing on her or do I need to call my emergency vet to get her an x-ray,” he calls out, nuzzling the gray ball of fluff currently perched on his shoulder.

“Her right hind leg has a compound fracture which may require amputation, but she is unharmed everywhere else. I’ve already downloaded the necessary information to care for this injury until the clinics open tomorrow.”

Gavin swears under his breath. Fucking humans and their fucking treatment of cats. He knew he was an arrogant asshole, but even he understood that you never hurt an animal. Especially fucking cats, man. They deserved so much better. Gavin grabs the medical supplies and tosses them to Connor, who has made a nest of his jacket for the tortoiseshell to awkwardly cuddle up in. Despite her situation, Gavin can hear he purring from his location, and he smiles yet again. Fucking cats, man. Best fucking animals ever. “She’s a fucking trooper, just might have to keep her.”

The plastic detective, already cleaning the injury, nods in agreement. “She certainly is resilient,” he glances up at Gavin, or rather, Gavin’s shoulder, “Ellie, I presume?”

He grabs the cat from his shoulder as he nods and carries her to the kitchenette, “Found her on the street too, with a bad eye infection. She ended up losing her eyesight in that eye, as you can see, but she was otherwise fine.”

“I didn’t realize you liked cats, Gavin.”

“Remember the threat, prick. I’ll fucking end you if you tell anyone.”

“I’m alerting Lieutenant Anderson of my whereabouts, just in case,” Connor retorts as he wraps the leg, apologizing as the kitten cries.

He grabs some kitten food leftover from Ellie’s kitten days as she scarfs down her own meal, ignoring the two intruders. “Tell him you’ll need some blue shit too, most advanced prototype my ass. Can’t believe some fucking kids landed a hit on ya.”

“It was one hit, which is one more than you managed,” Connor reaches for the bowl as Gavin offers it, a smirk on his face, “Besides, the damage is minimal and my self-repair systems should handle it when I enter rest mode tonight.”

To refrain from smacking the piece of shit, Gavin focuses on the kitten instead of the insult. Fucking android was getting too good at them, no doubt as a result of Hank’s influence. The kitten is small, too small, Gavin notes, and she looks rather pathetic with the bright, white bandage engulfing her tiny leg. Despite it all, however, and despite a mouthful of food, she purrs louder than a motorboat and Gavin finds himself relaxing as he watches her. He pets her again, feeling a sense of satisfaction as the purring intensifies.

Fucking cats, man. He thinks he just adopted another one.

[mifhortunach]

G0DFATHER PT 3 THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT, MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES

these are mostly kinda edited a bit so that ppl other than me / me in the the far flung future can actually get what im at ig?? but otherwise mostly wrote this just after ig, or thought about them during the #flik - that said! im several drinks in rn, & have smoked a lot this evening, so keep all that in mind ig lol

---

it is mostly reiterating themes of the previous films (which im gonna get into, hopefully); but it’s VERY unclear to me what exactly it’s trying to get at - theres talk about how this is all bout like,, ~forgiveness; the bought vs unattainable nature of it & all, but truly I dont think that appears obviously/cleanly enough thru/o for that actually to be a like. Primary Theme in this vs a theme that was in mind but not taken to the fullest potential ykiwm?

I think performances are fine honestly, i LOVE diane keaton, think she’s being fuckn done dirty**, but by god do i wish she were still in more of this, lmao

eg wrt sofia coppola honestly??? like,, it’s a ‘bad’ enough performance that even *i* knew it wasn’t good, but TBH!! I think that’s an editing & directing issue rather than one w coppola herself yk??? like some of these scenes have extremely flat delivery, but surely a director that was looking out for both his cast & his movie would’ve/could’ve gotten smth better yk? at smth that didn’t sound like a fckn robot ig, ykwim?? two more takes & you couldve gotten her sounding fckn human at least. the most obvious example of this, and the worst part tbc, is the fckn kitchen scene where she goes to visit Vincent & theres pasta, yk how it is. Has all her lines facing away from camera, and ALL of them sound completely emotionless. I watched the siskel&ebert review of it earlier, & lbr, didnt have v high expectations going in, but I did agree w S that she does have a sorta guilelessness to her which is good! she seems SO young & unaware of the things that could go wrong - as well as coming across as someone - imo! - that has spent a lot of time having to play The Cute Kid as necessary in business/family stuff that while she knows what to do/how to do it, the role doesn't fit right anymore. if any of that makes sense - ALL of that said!! I think she was deffo failed by this, & I think a stronger/better version of this film would have to have someone else in that role :(

^^ wrt all that, like,,, imo the writing is Not So Great, which is the biggest issue, lotta parts of this don’t feel ‘right’ 2 me, wrt reactions, where ppl (Michael lbr) are (emotionally esp thru/o) etc etc - by which ig i mean, that there’s not enough seething going on in this one, ykwim? in a like,, Coiled Anger, there is NEVER a time after becoming the don that he is not Stewing over smth or other, & its just building up pressure but cannot be let out - one  moment of that in 2 is the abortion/divorce scene; otherwise its bottled.

& while still has some sudden outbursts of anger in this, but they feel kinda ineffectual, almost pitiful ig, idk. hes been defanged; theres NO menace to the Michael C0rle0ne presented here imo, except for in the areas where his reputation still proceeds him, and thats still all on the viewer to provide, certainly never gets felt. 

like, that said, theres a vision of this where all thats the case but it doesnt jar - like,, theres no flashbacks in this one, any comparisons/contrasts w Vito have to be coming from the viewer - but its hard not to immediately catch how much hes the fading away like Vito of the small couple of scenes before his death in the 1st movie. in a kinda,,, someone had begun to go Soft kinda way ig; a rotting fruit cant protect the interests of The Family, my successor is here id better ollie-outtie etc etc

if it were possible, & if BC ever did coppola, id wanna do this truly tho fhdbcjcnc 

think that,,, if there were a version of this that worked, still abt the legacy, moving on, kids etc; would NEED to cover a longer period && be set earlier in time; kids growing to resent or some shit?? idek, -the stretch into becoming legitimate business and the discovery of both its fundamental sameness to crime-business as well as the hollowness of it all ig

think there is some GOOD & rly HEAVY emotional weight to parts of this!!! but it is ONLY in subtext && what ur bringing to the view, doesn’t feel deliberate in the slightest from a dir pov imo - EVERYTHIng about kay! Anthony getting to run away to the life unassociated with the family vs the orig dream of that in the first, connie’s continued care-taking of Michael & the weird regrets she too holds bc she KNEW what was going on at points but never tried to change anything, the finally getting things #legit but its all corrupt all the way & its inescapable, etc etc  [yhis ties it like, my reading of Vito as like.. kinda idk, a loving father but one who was never REALLY there in a weird way, the presence is everywhere but hes always so BUSY, ygwim? vs Michael’s depiction here & what I would've imagined***]

***[I guess, what I would've thought, just coming from2, is that hes GONE, incapable of warmth ig; not for lack of care, but theres no way to connect; but in this hes like, godfathering & getting on w his kids & has ppl to turn to - which while probs legit, felt bad 2 me fjgfjgjgvj idk how to articulate it properly]

just like 2 echos 1; or like that essay says about them being essentially the same film remixed & recontextualised, this is that also - begins w a party, ends w multiple murders, old don trains a successor, a guy whose wicked like sonny is there (BIG thought of mine was that the guy playing Anthony should've played Vincent, bc he looks more like James C, but thats just my onion), convoluted murder plot to kill the head of the family, uhhhh

- running off of that, I REALLY wished thru/o that this has subs, bc the sound mix was rly weird & @ points I couldnt tell if ppl were talking- & if yeah, the fucvk about 

also im gonna say this badly but bears w me; ID like to read 1&2, or like,, the flashbacks vs ‘modern’ setting of 2 /, as more of a, Michael is doing what u DONT see Vito doing- all the coldness & murder & scheming are hidden in the flashbacks, thats all romance & period-dressing baby; & id like to imagine that parts of this are the same here, b 

movies that make pacino look SO VERY FCKN SHORT; like,,, obvs apparent elsewhere, but my fckn god, fhdbcjcndk

also, dunno if the old man make-up is rly that objectionable, if only bc it’s on screen for like,, 10s; DOES make him look like cohen a bit tho

obvs idk much about early italian american standing & stuff, but these always feel like they’re failing to recognise certain class angles ykwim? Mary as little cute spokesperson queen vs Vincent being a bastard mafia boy, the power that gets welded all bc they have SO much money yet theyre still not REAL Americans etc etc ig - like, it gets suggested, but in a way that rly suggests a lack of interest in it imo idk 

honestly maybe a BIG issue is that it doesn’t use the music ENOUGH yk !! like, 2 leaned HEAVY on it but still - ANYWAY, stan to ‘kay’ from the godfather pt 2 soundtrack - everything I managed to feel BIG in this film was honestly bc of this song

**by the script especially ! like, the whole ‘fwiw, I never stopped loving you michael’ stuff; dont get me wrong, I DO think thats one of the films stronger scenes; ditto honestly all the scenes w her & pacino. & I think thats one of the better written ones even; w his whole ‘oh u know I was going thru it- I *want* your total forgiveness, for everything’; which is So in line w ‘I realised I can change, I have the capacity to change’ stuff from 2, yk? but its been so long, & we saw so LITTLE of the pre-vito shooting Michael that him trying to woo her back on-side feels weird (which might be purposeful!), & kinda unnatural for the character ig, even w this ‘I gotta start squaring things off, ive got legit & im planning on retiring (to death ig????) soon’ stuff going on, idk. rugddhdutd ugh, all that said, kinda wish that there was a romcom version of this; winning her back, stopping being a self-obsessed presumpted asshole etc etc fgkshdfgkdshfgdks rip :’/

god anyway, im fckn tired, its almost 2am, heres what ur getting 

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 1-Well here the f*ck we are again! - Trace

As the game begins and everyone gets used to their new camps, personalities clash together. In the first challenge of the season, a mistake and a fumble causes Keaton a big loss but merges alliances together.

I want to die

ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO TALK TO SURVIVOR PEOPLE THAN BIG BROTHER PEOPLE. I’m in IHOS right now and they’re so overly dramatic, it’s not funny. I already feel good about this tribe- such cuties! Also, I hope I’m the first confessional.

I'm about to be devoured alive on this tribe. I don';t know anyone here. But I peep icons like RTP, Dana, and Ruthie on the other tribe

I don’t trust any of these people, HAHA. I am really excited though. Right now I’m trying to talk up Linus and Seamus because I don’t trust EITHER and I want to be in their good sides. I also want to get in good with Amanda and Pippa. I feel like Glo and I are good and I want to get a solid bond with RTP but... we’ll see! IM NOT putting all my eggs in one basket! On the plus side I think we have a real solid team! There are still a few people I need to talk to but... I’m being more social this season already than I’ve been on some of my others.. heh

lmao can i mutiny?? Earlier this year i had a falling out with some ex friends and one of them is in this game and the other one has a bestie thats in this game and honestly its exhausting. I wouldnt mind being here if they kept things game related but i know that they're going to make things personal and they're going to continue to spread lies about me.

tell me WHY my favorite person i have talked to so far (linus) is a STRAIGHT MAN. why am i hoe for the straight men. i have become the very thing i swore to destroy. i literally hate myself.

As of right now, I want to do either paintball or bottles because I don't want to be the SOLE reason we lose in one of those individual challenges. Also, I think I'm pretty good at endurance challenges for paintball so it'll be fine. My tribemates seem to be an active, ok bunch. I like most of them. I'm getting really good vibes from Dan, Chloe, and Trace. They would be the people I'd add to an alliance. I haven't talked to LAchie or Kwaton yet so maybe they'll be my target if we lose. Nic is pretty cool. I think we'll get along well. Still trying to sus him out. Everyone else is just fine in my eyes. But they're all just obstacles in my way

*a little while later*

The tribe call was initially about the challenge, but now it has become something greater: an alliance. I always try to get alliances early within tribe calls. It makes the pre-merge a lot easier for me. I actually really enjoyed the company of John and Chloe. I didn't think I would, but here I am. If Brien was on a little longer then he would've been in it too. Oh well. Maybe he'll be in the next alliance I create.

*even later*

I really fucked that one up. Jesus christ. I did terrible. Hopefully my tribe can carry the other challenges because doing that badly is almost first boot worthy. Ugh I fucking hate myself

*the camera man keeps recording but is losing consciousness*

I truly do not know how my tribe can be this messy with challenges this early on. Keaton is seemingly going to fuck up the puzzle since he GAVE HIS LAPTOP AWAY. We're a mess. The first challenge isn't even done. Jesus, if we go to tribal, I am praying that they will not want me gone. It'd be terrible

I meant to send this last night but I think Ryan got himself out on purpose.  Did he or did he not... that is the question! So I’m getting along really well with Linus, Amanda and Anabel at the moment. I love Glo but I feel like people will be down to vote her off if we lose. Hopefully my people winning the paintball match will mean all four of us will be safe but people are crazy so... we’ll see!

I'm kind of frustrated with my tribe right now. It seems like none of them know what they are doing in the challenge. "I can't find the puzzle." "I don't know the phrase." "What's the order?" Y'all should have figured this out a day ago. But whatever. I guess we'll lose and I'll have to cut out some weak links. I'm very over the absolute unprofessionalism of this tribe. 

YAAAAAS I’m so happy we won the first immunity challenge. I’m pretty sure if our tribe loses then I’m going to be the first person to leave the game. Literally NO ONE is talking game with me, I even tried to form an alliance with Anabel today and she just like laughed it off fkfkfkfkfkf. IM SO FICKED

Well here the fuck we are again! The rebels tribe is cute tbh. I know Nic, we played together well in Chamonix. Lachie and I made it to the final of ILM a couple years ago. Chloe and I didn't work well together in Kuwait but we have a similar sense of humor so I have a good feeling about it. I hosted Dan and Keaton in MB and have good relationships with both. I don't know Brien but he already basically told me he has my back, and I do trust him even though he is a bit of an outcast. I don't really trust Raffy, he's kinda hard to talk to. Everyone else is basically irrelevant. I was so convinced that we were going to flop and flop HARD in the challenge, and we did. But at least Chloe, John, and I flopped the least and got us our one point. Now nobody can hold that against me! Tbh I wouldn't be mad sending Keaton out of the game. He's all over the place and didn't even compete in the challenge. So idk, we shall see. I feel pretty good about my place in the game but lord knows shit always hits the fan for me the second I have to talk strategy. So fingers crossed ladies!

We really got our asses handed to us HUH!? Honestly, I feel okay? I think I’ve chatted a bit with everyone and had meaningful convos, but that means nothing. I lost my wave so why should I feel super safe? I mean Keaton should be worried for sure, but I love him, so I’m just trying to see if there’s another option. I personally can’t fucking stand Raffy, BUT everyone seems to enjoy his twinky shady ass. Can’t relate!! I’m just gonna work on my growing bond with Asya and Nic and see where that takes me (: Here’s a list of who I trust from most to least so far! 

 1. Asya 

 2. Nic 

3. Lachie 

4. Trent 

5. Chloe 

6. Keaton 

7. Brien 

8. John 

9. Raffy

Losing the challenge sucks. Especially since we got stomped on. My target for this tribal is Trace. I don't really talk to him, and he just didn't do the challenge. That's a liability in my eyes. So, he has to go. However, I'm trying to avoid spreading his name so early until a few hours before tribal. People are being hesitant to throw out names because they don't want to be "That Guy." It's scary out here. I feel like I should be fine since I'm relatively social and active. Talking with people last night, I think I managed to make Trace an ally of mine. I suggested working together and he accepted. So, hopefully that pans out in the future. It just adds another person to my ranks. It's extremely important that I make these solid connections to protect me in case of a swap or once we get to merge.

I’m in rebels vs royals WHOO these royals are going down. We lost the first challenge but it’s okay it gives us time to trim the fat on the tribe and see where everyone stands. I like mostly everyone so far but I think it’s the honeymoon phase now and things will get real soon when we all ruthlessly target each other. I played with Keaton before and we agreed to have each other’s back and I would love to work with him for the long road and even be loyal to take him to the end with me even if I was definitely gonna lose. I’m trying to flip the way I play with friends and not be selfish and stick my neck out for them. It’s completely a transformation for me because my first season I betrayed my best friend cause I didn’t want to go to rocks but when I’m reality I was selfish. Raffy- seems cool but he is also a likable player that I have to have on my radar to not let get that far 

John- I love John I know it’s early but if I had to pick my final 3 now it would be me him and Keaton. He might be playing me but he is just such a great person I hope we can work well in this game. 

 Aysa- Idk how I feel about her she seems nice however she also seems shady granted everyone is but I can’t let her get to far. 

 Lachie- my first target we don’t mesh well in our conversation and that’s a sign to me early on that we won’t work well in this game. He is my number one target at this first tribal we have to go to. 

 Trace- I like trace but he seems like a poser and I think he’ll say whatever he has to in order to finally snatch the win in his 8th time. 

Nic- he is quiet but could also be deadly he was playing up that he hasn’t played in a while and doesn’t want to go first and I get that but i know it’s just a play for him to integrate himself in the tribe. 

 Chloe- she is nice but idk where she stands strategy wise but I like her and I can certainly see it being hard getting her out. 

 Dan- I almost forgot about dan he is so UTR I don’t trust him and if I can’t get lachie I would love to get him out at the first tribal. Now I know people have past season connections but I can’t really do much about it I just have to hope they implode on themselves and then I can find a crack within all the ruins. I’m certainly playing this game differently then before I’m gonna be as loyal and honest as I can and i know it’s a marathon not a sprint and I have to treat this game as such.

I’m so glad to be safe this round! I fell asleep really early last night and I’m glad we aren’t on the chopping block because when I scramble I look like an egg head. I wonder who is going home on the other tribe hmmm

So.....I am ELIZA levels paranoid, even though it’s the first vote. Trace is my number 1 so far because we worked together in a previous game and he’s just cool. So I trust him. I also know Dan, but the way we left things in our last convo before the game was darksided...but we promised to work together this time. I am somewhat confident in that. I like Lachie a lot even though I don’t know him, and Brien seems like a strong player. I think this first vote is coming down to Keaton or Raffy. I am kinda wanting Keaton because I feel like Brien has him under his wing and if Keaton goes then Brien will be weaknened and maybe be easier to control? Keaton is saying Raffy is a strong player for some reason and we should get him out as soon as possible. So...idk. BUT...I am a paranoid mess, so this could all just be a big plot to get me out!!! Who knows??

Ok so basically I know almost everyone on both tribes which really fucking shocks me?! I was expecting to know like one person and then not be very invested but I was wrong luv. Because I’ve played with basically everyone before I like actually want to do well lmao, imagine me actually trying in a game. That being said I did so bad in the flag comp thing, I literally didn’t understand the rules at all whoops. She really thought it had to be all red, the only reason I didn’t draw it was because I was imagining having to fill in the background red after and I GAGGED. I luv Asya, trace and Nic. Last time I played with dan we both got to like final 7 but I barely spoke to him and I’m p sure he’s the reason why kate and I left. But I’ve been speaking to him more In this game and we have like A LOT in common. I’ve also been trying to talk to Chloe a lot because we played a Facebook game together once and she rlly thought I hated her and made so many vls about me, so I’m trying to like be more active in her pms.

A lot of people in this cast don't like me. Dan, Dane, Pippa. To name a few. With Dane it's very personal. He hurt me and I don't think he gets that I'm still super sad about it. We havent talked since March. We have so many inside jokes im reminded of and I laugh and I always just instantly wanna text him but I can't cause then I remember. I'm not going to throw his name out ever. If people come to me with it then yeah i'll do it. Anyway. I love RTP we've never really gotten to play together something always happens. Love Amanda. She's slaughtered me before but it's always been fun so I hope we can be an amazing team. I think shes still really good friends with Dan which might cause huge problems. Anyway later skater

oh shit a rat oh wait thats just my reflection hihi i was gonna do a video but i hate my face so we're typing today girls. so. i like my tribe!!!! i think everyone is like smart which is scary bc i have approximately 1 brain cell that i share w trent and it is VERY obvious that i am not in possession of said brain cell. i keep saying crackhead things to people and i dont know why, i guess im just on meth or something i dont know... maybe the ppl at my local ice cream joint(tm) slipped something into me bc i am in the mood to get WILD!!! i think as of rn i am ssn 90's sweetheart and everyone loves me and YES i am COCKY but i have a right to be bc i am fucking POPULAR!!!! my ranking is as follows, anyone who disagrees with me sucks ass. 

1. linus 2. dane 3. amanda 4. seamus 5. ruthie 6. gloria 7. ryan m 8. ryan p 9. pippa 

 i will not explain these rankings bc i am right, u r wrong, shut the fuck up

Pippa doesn’t respond to me, feels bad man. Everyone else is pretty dope though, I’m definitely getting along with Anabel the best, she’s probably gonna win the game. Honestly the big story is just how Keaton’s opening was so cocky, yet called us cocky but then he abstained and likely will be first boot based on the abstain. Fantastic storyline making a full circle in the period of just 3 days. Sorry this is probably lame, I’m in a shitload of pain, I really just need to sneak by until I’m not suffering from my tonsil removal and then I can really tear things up. Oh, also Hoodie Ryan is the only epic gamer on my tribe so I hope he goes far so we can rise up together.

so far I am getting to know Seamus Pippa and Linus and other but dan;t think of their names lol. Had fun doing bottles challenge then messed up  but our tribe rocks and we still won challenge. Where I stand I think I am liked by several so far. Wonder where it  will go who knows <3 GLO <3

Am about to be first boot and I’m not even surprised lol xx

I’m just like an emotional wreck? Idk. I’m trying to keep plugging along but I have so much stuff taking up time in my personal life. Like rear ending a car tonight :~) soooo I think the vote is Keaton, but honestly who the fuck knows. Everyone could be pulling a fast one on me. I tried pitching an alliance with Asya, Chloe, and John but it went no where so look at me booboo the fool. I just feel like I don’t have much traction yet and I don’t wanna be caught off guard by a blindside tonight. I’m always just so paranoid at first tribal. Why didn’t we just kill the royals in the comp. fucking flop ass tribe.

Okay so THESE PEOPLE WANNA KILL ME. I thought I would be good with Chloe, Dan, and Trace but they all ran to the kingpin, Nic. I tried to throw Raffy under a bus, but Lachie and Asya protect, John didn't wanna talk, and Brien...I'm sorry Weber. You better fuckin kill it this game. Time to do what I do best though...cause an absolute shitton of chaos....for you Weber.

[celestialallstars]

Episode #14: “It's certainly been a day here on Celestial” - Stephen

I think right now, Jared sort of saw it coming, Stephen saw it coming, and I saw it coming. I knew three of us were not making it to the end. I think the troubling thing for me is that like now there are 5 people who all kinda came together to purposefully exclude 2 of us. I won't cry about it- all of us are guilty of it in this merge. Instead, what I will do is just use it to justify what I do from here on out. I've already identified the clusters of Michael/Chloe and then Zach/Bryce. Will be thinking about who to target between these and I most definitely see  Loris as a recent addition. For now, I'll continue to act oblivious and dumb

________________________________________________________________

I know what I'm gonna do, but I'll sleep on it. I think I want to make Bryce/Zach have faith in me again. Think I am gonna be with them. Heck, even have some Gay F4 thing with Loris. I've already told people about the duos, so I want Loris to think I'd prefer him over everybody else (talk in the morning). Bryce, I played the "we are winners, i wanna go to the end with you" card. Zach is who I'll have to work on next...Then there is Michael and Chloe. I'll just keep saying I'm in both of their corners, make them all feel comfortable pretty much, but not sloppily. If it can get me to F6, so be it, in which case, I'll get to decide which of these strats I stick to and move on. I want to  keep this idol for as long as possible, but if I have to, I'll play it, but I can't do it now- it is far too soon.

________________________________________________________________

I feel like this is the game in which people make their moves too early. Bryce, Zach, Rhys all attempted this and got callout for it. Now Loris, Michael, and Chloe are doing it. Had the 3 waited like one more tribal, they'd have sat more pretty in F6 bar the idol and all but now they exposed themselves and what do we say to people who are exposed? That they are threats to everyone else! So my best pitch is to tell Bryce/Zach its in our best interest to work together at least for this vote.

________________________________________________________________

Whether this is the round that kills the game of me or not I just wanna show that like, when I am put into corner, I tend to up the strategy and right this moment, I feel like I am doing that- I just hope it will work

________________________________________________________________

So far I actually feel I may have to use my idol if push comes to shove. Mayhe it'll curry favor if I do but lol I know that the Brits may be together, thats fine. But like at least pretend to still be interested so I won't go after you? Michael says he is open but just by taking to him I could really tell he's sorta had his mind made up, Chloe is like "oh we'll see, rounds are changing always!" and Loris, who clearly got on earlier suddenly fell silent and went offline since I tried talking to him. I'll tell ya what, even if Zach and Bryce are lying, they can at least fake it right

________________________________________________________________

I actually now sympathize for Jack and Matt. Although we ALL (them included) could have handled their situation better, I do know what it is like to be in their position and to know I didnt help them as much makes me think my position now is karmic justice

WELL. Yesterday I was slightly blindsided. I knew Jared wasn't long for this world but to take him out with Bryce and Zach both standing there, totally vulnerable, well... I can't help but feel like it's a mistake.

I never had much loyalty to the gay agenda anyway, but it feels like we were used just to take out Rhys? Which is dumb but whatever. If you were going to use us for one vote why make it Rhys?

In any case, I once again need to adapt myself to the new battle lines. I tried to reconcile things with Bryce and I think it went alright? I told him I've been on his ass since F10 and he didn't seem too pissed about it. I know Zach was mad at me though, so I offered him a trip to Final Tribal in exchange for mending the fence. He didn't say yes right away so there's still a chance of him declining, but I feel like I'm making a better offer than Betty White and Loris. I think this will work, tbh, and I do plan on staying loyal to it unless it becomes abundantly clear I'll lose to him.

It really sucks to feel like I came close again to an immunity and lost again. The good thing for last time was that I didn't feel like I was in danger and now I am. All people will claim they will do something, though until it's actually done, you never know. So I guess now I've got to put a lot of faith in Zach and Bryce to keep me or maybe I should just use the idol and be a okay, I'm not sure. I think I have to continue maintaining hope, but I don't see my odds looking good and it sucks

________________________________________________________________

I quickly decided I'm gonna go all in. I either play it now and become easy vote for F6 or I save it and somehow surprisingly live this round and increase odds of living in the next. I think if I go home with the idol this time, I won't feel too bad since the chances of me having gone home without it for F6 would've been high. If I do not make it, then you know, I honestly can't really say I "regret" something. I did good in mastermind, and feel a okay for how I did!

im so sad jared gone i cant win im just sitting here waiting for my time to be up like wow this is so fun i love this for me KJFHKADSJ

hi girls I’m so sorry I’m really busy today I promise. I’ll catch up tomorrow if I’m still here. I’m scared. this could be my last confessional. signing off....

AHHHH SO MUCH GOING ON I FORGOT TO DO THIS HEHE. So I won my first individual immunity in celestial go Michael and now the vote is looking crazy as fuck so I’m so fucking lucky to have immunity at this point sksksksksksk. So it’s looking like shits gonna hit the fan but I really want bryce and zach out of this damn game like are you fucking serious guys like you wanted them out they’re clearly bigger threats get your act together. So I’m questioning my path to the end yet again but do you know what? I’m hopeful everyone loves an underdog and I just need to do the best I can to get to that final 3 (or at least the final 4 so people do a jury roundtable about me hehe)

It's certainly been a day here on Celestial. Pretty soon we're heading to yet another tribal council. The plans as I know them are as follows:

The Gay Agenda (Me/Chris/Michael/Chloe/Loris) will be voting for Bryce! Except no. Because I don't really want Bryce to go anymore. At least not tonight. Me and Chris decided we'd rather take a shot at the 3 people who flipped last time to weaken their position a little bit. No.

Tonight, I'll be voting for Loris, hopefully, with Zach and Bryce. I know from Chris and Jared that he doesn't particularly trust me and has considered voting me out in the past. He's also well positioned to make it to the end at the rate things are going so if I can just end that possibility tonight, it'd be real nice.

ok so like this vote i just wanted to vote out stephen i leaked everything from chris/stephen to everyone else in hopes they'll vote stephen. i know they were targeting bryce prior but UGH. bryce is gonna do loris i think to secure 3 votes on him. i feel like this will backfire.

but like im here to have fun and play my game. i want stephen out, then boom. imma try. if they still vote bryce, then so be it. imagien if it ties 3-3-1 (bryce/loris/stephen HASGLDSKGDSGDS).

idk.

I FEEL SO BAD BUT WHO CARES IM HAVING FUN THIS IS A PARTY

theres not much to say. if i survive, im going hard for f6 just to ensure myself f4.

but my plan is sorta this. vote stephen out now. bryce leaves 6th (or michael) michael/bryce fifth n then unless chris wins f4, i probs make f3 with chloe/loris, which has been my ideal f3 for a few rounds now.

if bryce leaves this round, thats perfectly fine bc then one of stephen or smsth leaves next round. i wanted michael out this round but he immune so who cares.

High risk, high payoff move

________________________________________________________________

So much cracked shit has gone down today. Obviously Chris and Stephen might be feeling a little nervy after the Jared vote which is understandable. However they did not need to go and make an alliance called crystal clear and approach Bryce and Zach about targeting me and Loris considering Michael is immune. Sis I almost flipped my ass right back on Stephen and Chris and almost be voting Stephen tonight despite knowing Bryce is a big ass threat. If they had of just kept their mouth silent then both of them would’ve definitely been in final 6 but nooo they had to go do some crazy shit that made Loris massively fucking paranoid. Stephen I stg if u don’t vote Bryce tonight and if he doesn’t go home then I will fucking haunt ur ass.

________________________________________________________________

ME AND MICHAEL ARE NOT A FUCKING DUO

________________________________________________________________

I adore Michael with my whole whole whole entire heart he’s one of my favourite allies I’ve ever had and I trust him with my fucking life. There’s not many people I trust in orgs to make an F2 with nvm make an F2 with and then honour that. But with Michael I cannot see myself betraying him.

________________________________________________________________

Idk who to vote for this revote. I’m tired.

In an attempt to get my vote to stay, Loris threatened to give a legacy advantage to Bryce if we kept him in. Since Michael knows about this, it's going to be difficult to get any votes put on him at all this round, but I might still be able to turn this situation around.

The truth is, I kinda wanted to get Zach out before Bryce anyway. He's every bit as threatening as Bryce in challenges, and has admitted to trying to get me out at this last tribal council. I did try to re-build the strategic relationship with Zach by voting Loris out, but it looks like I have to take another path. I just hope Michael and Chloe don't side with Zach since they also know about the legacy advantage.

How I approach this vote is really going to come down to immunity. If Bryce or Zach wins, I may have to just bite the bullet and vote Michael this round, since with immunity and the legacy advantage they'll be invincible. However, if one of the other 4 players can pull it off, I think I can avoid this scenario. I think if that happens we'd just split the vote one more time between Zach and Bryce and vote out whoever isn't saved by the advantage.

And hey, if Chris needs to use the idol? Fine by me at this point. Saving it for F5 is a cute idea but it may not be practical at that point. This is the much more worrying vote in my opinion, since, if Bryce does have the legacy advantage, he can't get voted out here anyway, and will continue to be a target at F5 and F4.

________________________________________________________________

Loris is voted out 3-3-1, 3-2. He becomes the sixth member of our jury.

Watch Loris’ exit interview take place below:

[chatuoir]

catastrophic affairs, truly (chap 5)

chaps 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / on ao3

hello it has been 500 years since i last updated but the lovely AmelineAmira on ao3 wrote a fic inspired by this one? omg? and that reminded me that i needed to update (i had the chapter ready i was just being lazy)(thank u <3) so yall should definitely check that fic out but in the meantime here is another chapter lets get LIT (its like midnight goodnight)

Marinette is smothered in hugs as soon as she steps into the bakery. Her parents apologize to the customers before pulling her into the living room, clearly scared about her well-being. They'd heard about the attack on the news and keep inspecting her to check for injuries; she assures them that she's fine.

“Really, Maman, I'm okay. The broken glass didn't even cut me. I promise.” She says. Her parents exchange a glance before turning back to her.

“We’re glad you're okay,” Her father starts, “But what about the stuff we’ve heard about this Chat Noir business?” Marinette silently curses. Shit. The attack had distracted her from thinking of a good way to bring it up.

She takes a deep breath. Well. “I know this is going to sound really weird, but I can explain. The truth is... Chat Noir is my fake boyfriend.”

Her parents stare at her for a few moments, eerily quiet. Marinette stands there waiting for a reaction, but there isn't one. Finally, she starts again.

“So... Chat asked me to fake date him so Ladybug wouldn't think he was lying to her about him having a girlfriend; I felt bad for him, but I also thought it was really funny, so I agreed. We set up some conditions so this doesn't go too far, and I can opt out whenever I want.” Marinette sees her parents visibly relax a little, but they're still confused. At last, Tom speaks up.

“I think the only question I can really ask is... can I meet this Chat?” Marinette hesitates in answering. Fortunately, she's saved by a bell ringing from inside the store. Sabine goes to check and brings back a plate of cookies and friend- in fact, she brings back a plate of chocolate chip cookies and a superhero friend.

“Hi Mr and Mrs Dupain-Cheng,” Chat greets after inhaling a couple cookies, “I'm Chat Noir, but I think you knew that. I just wanted to say that everything that's happened to your daughter today with the akuma was my fault and I apologize. Did she tell you exactly what's going on?” He says in one spurt. Marinette gestures for him to calm down and breathe.

“It's fine, I told them.” She says. He looks noticeably relieved.

“I didn't want you two to stress out or anything, I mean, Marinette was safe during the attack, if you count being trapped inside a glass cat head safe. Which, by the way, I'm really sorry for-- I didn't think people would overreact to something like who I'm dating. Or, you know, in this case, fake dating.” Honestly, this boy doesn't know when to stop talking; Marinette’s almost embarrassed for him. Luckily, her parents smile at him warmly.

“Thanks for letting us know, Chat.” Tom says. “We trust that you and Marinette can handle this, but if anything starts to trouble you, don't be afraid to come to us. Both of you.” Okay, dad. We can't just adopt every guy I (fake) date. Marinette thinks.

Chat grins, nods, and takes a few more cookies. “Thank you for everything. Can I speak to Marinette for a couple minutes?”

“I'm really sorry about everything that happened today. If you want to call it quits right now, that's fine with me. I can ask Alya to take all the pictures off her blog.” Chat says.

“No, no, really, it's fine! You wouldn't believe how many times I've been in serious situations like today’s, especially with the amount of attacks that happen in my school. Seriously. I forgive you. And if it had really bothered me that much I’m sure I would’ve asked Alya myself. Really, I’m okay.”

“So... we’re still fake dating?”

“Duh. You literally just met my parents. I'm not gonna break up with you right now.” Chat breathes out a sigh of relief. Then he rubs his temples before speaking up.

“You know what I just realized? I don't have any way to contact you besides like this, face to face. Can I have your phone number or something? Wait, no, you might know the civilian me. What about IM? I'll make a new one just for you. Maybe something like, small x - big x - Mari’s - underscore - true - underscore - love  - big x - small x’, just to keep everything fresh.”

Marinette jokes. “Who are you, a scene kid from 2009?” They both snort at that.

“Like you have any better ideas.”

“Yeah, I don’t. Mine’s just my name.” Chat makes a big show of committing that to memory, as if he’s going to mix it up and find a different Marinette Dupain-Cheng somewhere on the internet. Marinette has to admit that he’s a pretty funny guy, even if he tries too hard to be cool sometimes.

A few minutes later she's shooing him out the bakery door while he salutes and blows a kiss. A couple customers smile; Marinette catches a few of them sneaking glances and laughs to herself. The fun has only just begun, she thinks.

It's past midnight, and Marinette knows she’s supposed to be on her rounds right now, except she isn’t really sure what to say to Chat as Ladybug after the day’s events. Technically, there was no way she could’ve helped him during the attack since she was quite literally trapped, but she still feels kind of bad. They’re supposed to be a team.

Marinette lays in bed for a while and listens as the city settles. There’s usually a couple cars left at this hour, and of course Paris is still ablaze- they don’t call it the City of Lights for no reason- but it feels eerily quiet and dark. I’m probably sleep-deprived, she thinks. Suddenly, her phone lights up and nearly blinds her. She fumbles for it and reads the notification.

New IM chat request from xXmaris_true_loveXx

Marinette has to smother herself with her blanket before she laughs too hard and wakes the entire city. She accepts the request and sees that Chat’s already sent a couple messages.

xXmaris_true_loveXx: hello my false lover (i hope)

i have a question

do you happen to be friends with lb or can you contact her

if so where tf is she?

oh shoot it's like 12:17 im sorry if i woke you up

She frantically types a message back, whispering for Tikki to get ready to transform her.

Marinettedcheng: hi chat no u didnt wake me i do in fact have a way to contact her i will tell her ur waiting & congrats on finding the right mari

xXmaris_true_loveXx: ok good i was just worried cus she wasn’t answering. get some rest you need your beauty sleep

Marinettedcheng: cant tell if thats an insult or compliment but thx i will see u 2mo

xXmaris_true_loveXx: wow i would never slander my fake gf </3... goodnight

“He certainly is a character, isn’t he?” Tikki says. Marinette rolls her eyes, her face shining from the glow of the city.

“Sure. Let’s get going. Tikki, spots on!” Marinette transforms at 12:20 and heads out to the Eiffel Tower.

-

It’s quite relaxing to be above the city in the dead hours of the night, with everything sparkling and the cool breeze rustling through the air. Ladybug finds her partner sitting on a ledge, lost in thought. She settles down next to him and they silently greet each other. It's awkward for a while before she speaks up.

“Hey.. so. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Again. For not showing up earlier today? But I was in a sticky situation.” He smiles softly and Ladybug catches it, his face lit up by the moonlight.

“I forgive you. Again. It's okay, my Lady. I promise.” It's still a little awkward.

“Okay. I just feel guilty. Like, all these people were looking up to me to help them and be their hero, but I wasn't even there.”

“But your trusty sidekick was there,” Chat says with a grin.

She gently shoves him. “Chat, we talked about this. You're my partner, not my sidekick. We're equal. We balance each other out, that’s kinda the point. Duh.” He lets out a short laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, you're right. Team Miraculous, am I right?” She nods, glad that the slight tension in the air is gone. The two fist bump before settling back into the silence of the night.

A few more moments pass.

“We should... uh... patrol now?” Ladybug whispers. Chat’s eyes widen.

“Yeah, yep, you're right, I’ll do the north side of the city,” He raises his baton and helps Ladybug to her feet, “See you in 30.” Then he does an Olympics-worthy dive off the side of the tower, extending the pole to vault to the next building. Ladybug snorts as he leaves. Show-off. Again, she thinks.

--

Ladybug catches a couple thieves before finishing her patrol; they’re some sneaky tourists who wanted free souvenirs, but they at least have the dignity to look guilty when she turns them in.

Chat is sitting on the building across from the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Ladybug wants to laugh; he probably thinks his fake girlfriend is in there, asleep, not at all thinking about the crazy day they just had like he definitely is. She suddenly realizes he’s speaking to her and snaps out of her trance.

“So... did you hear about what happened to me and Marinette?” Ladybug snorts. She’d read his mind.

“Yeah, someone told me to check the Ladyblog, like, a half hour after you confessed to me.”

“Hmm. Seems awfully suspicious. You sure you didn’t expose me?” Chat interrogates, but he’s smirking. Ladybug rolls her eyes.

“Pssh. You probably submitted that post yourself, because you thought I didn’t believe you or something,” She jokes. He freezes for a moment, but she doesn’t notice. Biting her tongue to keep from laughing, she grins and adds, “But you do like Marinette, I can tell. I mean, why else would you be dating her?”

He nervously laughs but tries to play it off. “Yeah, she’s great. It’s going well. But hey, that’s enough about my love life. What are your plans for tomorrow? I never got to ask.” Shit. Uh, I’m going on a fake date with you in civilian form, while trying to keep it realistic enough so other people think we’re actually dating- but only until your plan of making me, as Ladybug, jealous finally works- which probably won’t ever happen, so, honestly, you tell me.

Later, she would wonder if it was the sheer amount of exhaustion from the day, the huge billboard right in front of her, or the curiosity of the cat (especially a certain Chat) which made her difficult situation a whole lot worse. But at the time, all she could think was to say something as ridiculous as possible so he wouldn’t ask any questions.

“I’m, uh, also going on a date. With.. um, the one and only, uh...” Ladybug drops her gaze from Chat’s eyes (which turns out to be an accident) and says with confidence, “Adrien Agreste.”