#imagine how that feels to somebody who's been cast aside the whole time.

[dirtyoldmanhole]

now that the slowburn fic's fully set in stone scene & tone wise, i'm letting myself read more fics about gunter b/c i didn't want to accidentally gank any ideas or headcanons from other people's stories.

and the interesting thing is, people focus on their favorite flavors of the character, right? a lot of it does overlap, but let's say, somebody digs the medieval romantic fantasy side, somebody else does a deliciously porny dead dove take highlighting the age gap with all the power on his side, somebody does a more traditional FE take on the worldbuilding, then there's another ossan lover out there who did a tasty yukimura/corrin/gunter ot3 smutfic which is a galaxy brain take, hell yeah more the merrier

etc etc. beauty of fanfiction/fandom, right? various flavors of cake.

and it's kind of fun contemplating what's the distinct flavor with my fic.

y'all will probably come to different conclusions, and i hope you do, that's the fun thing about sharing works. but one of the biggest things that bugged me about revelation is the whiplash of gunter betraying you in the sense of ... it was executed well, but how does this fucked up dude tick, man. poked it a little in this post immediately after i played revelation, how possessed gunter + "original" gunter honestly is the same man.

you can't moralize or stuff your fingers in your ears pretending that old mister baddie anankos did everything wrong. corrin kind of does this in revelations and i'm all, hold up dumbass, he is way more f a s c i n a t i n g if you don't do that.

what if you have that and the romance, the weird amount of mutual trust? what if you have him corrupting the shit out of corrin with genuine resentment plus a dollop of sexual malice, and her also kinda darkly being into it as he is?

(there is an essay in me about how corrin, with the sheer lack of control over everything and her being viewed as this tender innocent fragile prize, would find that knowing, mutual under-the-table corruption profoundly erotic. as deeply skewed as it is, she feels like she gets more agency out of that than any ""protection"".)

there's so many scenes in this fic that are fucked up. there's a lot that are tender too, mind, but this is a fic where i hope, that you plainly see quote unquote possessed gunter as himself from literal start to finish. (because he was always himself).

the plot twist is you the reader -- see him as that betrayer, from start to finish. i have always loved my self-aware villains who knew perfectly well they were walking down the road to hell, whistling all the way.

that!!! i wanna see that gunter.

[aspiringsophrosyne]

Episode 4: Those Who Walk Away

There's a long line at the concession stand. Think you can get something before the show starts? Traffic was pretty bad.

Because trust me, you don't want to miss the beginning of this one.

The Good.

There's no end to the praise Liam O'Brien deserves just for the first couple of minutes of the episode. I knew what was coming; how devastating it would be for these characters and how painful it would be for them all. 

Especially for Vax. 

And still. Still. Vax's desperate "Somebody do something!!" stabbed me right in the goddamned heart. And the delivery of his line to the Queen of Death, the one that every critter who watched Campaign one knows, the words that changed Vax's destiny forever...perfect. 

The visuals for the ritual were really cool, too. It was hard to imagine how they would communicate what was happening in the show; as in the stream it was down to dice rolls and rituals. The gold dome over Vex, the Queen's claw piercing it and then causing it to shatter....it calls up dread from the deepest pit of your heart.

And then Vax just having the armor on when they turn around...quick, efficient and spooky as hell. Very good move there.

Those shots of the Calamity in the vision. My God. For the record, and I touched on this before, I love that the peeks we've gotten into that period of Exandria's history have been broad and unspecific. They are meant to be grandiose to mind-bending proportions, and you can ironically lose that effect by trying too hard to get that idea across. It also leaves the impression that as big and crazy as this all looks, what we've seen (Osysa's story in S2E2 and now Vax's vision) is only the tip of the iceberg. 

I like that Purrvan got to shine a bit here. Partially this is because I can sympathize with Matt over that name; (Vox Machina's reaction to it was pretty much the cast's in the stream) and also because it makes sense. Funny name or not, the Matron doesn't hire chumps. In the watch-along for this episode, the cast mentioned that they originally had Matt record grunts, sounds of effort, and reactions to getting hit...and then decided the scene was more striking without them. It was a good call. It gets across just how beyond Vax this former Champion is. And it foreshadows just how formidable a being Vax will one day become. 

As I've said before and will say again, titmouse knows how to do a good fight scene. I was surprised the monster was savvier than it looked, angling its tentacles around Keyleth's obstacles to get at her and Percy. Some damn good lines here too. Pike's understandable exasperation ("Son of a bitch!") and Percy's testy incredulousness ("Oh, just petrified!?") are incredibly relatable.

Perhaps the scene only feels this way to me because of hindsight, but Vax's acceptance feels like a crown being placed on a head under a guillotine.

I didn't immediately realize what they had done with the Deathwalker's Ward. I had honestly forgotten what it did: aside from its most obvious perk, which we'll see in a future episode. In the game, it's mostly a defensive item. Ironic: a Death Goddess's artifact that made it harder for you to die. But what they did in the show was combine it with another magic item Vax had, the boots of haste, which the twins fought over incessantly. They let him cast haste on himself without having that spell, and with it, he could haul ass like a motherfucker.

This allows us a demonstrative visual for the ward's power-up, and it gets those boots in the show without them being in it. Plus, the ability they grant fits Vax as a speedy, stealthy guy.

Not only that, but it also shows us in very little time just why Osysa sent Vox Machina after these things. Seeing the whole crew get trashed by this monster, only for Vax to take it down alone, cements how powerful the Vestiges are and how essential they'll be in defeating the Chroma Conclave. Another great use of show-don't-tell.

And that shot. That shot. Reactors and the cast alike can't help but cheer when That Shot happens, where Vax leaps into the air and is framed by the Matron's mural above him before he delivers the final blow. Like Liam O'Brien's acting, I can't say enough good things about that shot. It looks cool, but it also has weight; it suggests that Vax has taken his place as a figure in history who will have murals in temples dedicated to him that other adventurers will stumble upon one day.

The new implementation of the necklace is clever. It makes sense a bounty hunter would have something like it. And Wil get's one more good line out before he and Zahra exit.

The Bad. (Or at least not great.)

You're hot, then you're cold.

Zahra is the one to vocally oppose Vex's attempted resurrection. This contrasts her with Kash, who leaps right in to try to help when Pike's efforts don't work. This behavior comes across as somewhat inconsistent.

Zahra was the one who had a personal relationship with Vex, even if it ended badly. Zahra was the one who supported and saved Vex in the battle with the Adaro, even if it was at least partially to show her up.

I could see Zahra cautioning both Kash and Vox Machina that what he's trying to do for Vex has a minuscule chance of succeeding. Or even warning Kash against it for fear of drawing Vesh's attention. (Vesh is Kash's goddess, and she is bad fucking news.) But Zahra just unemotionally writing off Vex as dead and declaring it useless to try to help her seems disproportionally cold compared to how she'd acted up to that point.

No Drama is Better Than Bad Drama?

Previously, I was pleasantly surprised to see the Take included at all, let alone so well integrated into The Legend of Vox Machina's story. Likewise, Zahra and Kash were a delight, and the passion for their characters comes just as strong through Mary's and Will's performances as it does for the rest of the voice acting cast.

But the Onlooker fight is where the momentum stalls.

Zahra specifically says this to Kash after Grog is petrified:

Kash: Shit.

Zahra: Would you relax? As soon as they're restrained, I swipe the armor, you unfreeze your new friends, and we get the hell out of here.

So we have a clear scheme here. Let the Onlooker turn Vox Machina to stone, steal the Deathwalker's Ward from Vax, de-petrify everyone, then book it.

As far as plots to steal an artifact go, it's pretty tame and harmless. It probably wouldn't have even worked because after Vox Machina was restored, they would've been pretty pissed about the theft, and then it would've been a two-on-seven fight. One on seven, if Kash decided he wasn't on Zahra's side.

But as the battle continued, more of the other group succumbed, and Kash got upset and said he wouldn't be a party to Zahra's plan.

...Why?

Later, after Vax Awakens the Deathwalker's Ward, Kash says this to him:

Kash: Look, I'm sorry. We didn't mean for any of this to happen, I swear.

Yes, you did!! You absolutely did. Or at least Zahra did. That was her whole plan.

The script treats the fight like an escalation from what Zahra planned. That her recklessness and stubbornness let things get out of her control. That she put Vox Machina in danger.

By every indication, that is not what happened.

Things were going exactly as planned before she tried to put the monster back in her necklace on Kash's objections, and Vax Awakened the armor. 

Not only that, but Vox Machina would've been perfectly fine if everything had gone the way she'd wanted. They would've been rightfully pissed that their Vestige was stolen, but they would've been unharmed otherwise once Kash restored them.

The crew said in the Q&A that they wanted this monster fight to have more drama than its stream counterpart. I like drama. But I'm most satisfied with drama when it makes sense. When it's consistent with what we're seeing and hearing on screen. What I'm not impressed by is a drama that's introduced for the sake of it and thus ill-conceived and ill-implemented. That brings nothing to the table.

This isn't the first time the script of The Legend of Vox Machina was at odds with what we were actually seeing or had seen on screen. And sadly, it won't be the last time this season.

A Question of Motivation.

Something else harms the deployment of the monster. Beyond the disconnection between what's happening and what is said, Zahra's motivations, or lack thereof, hold things back.

Zahra's clearly irritated that Osysa told Vox Machina about the Ward instead of anyone at the Take, but how does this motivate her? Is she acting out of envy? Greed? Worry? A sense of responsibility? A feeling of betrayal? Her old bitter feelings about Vex? Does she feel Vox Machina could be worthy of the Vestige, but she won't accept that unless she sees it for herself? Or all of the above?

We'll probably see Kash and Zahra again. And future episodes could shed some light on this. But as of this episode, it's hard to tell how you're supposed to feel about her, the fight, and Vox Machina more or less letting her and Kash off the hook after. We can guess how she's feeling, but it isn't made explicit, so we don't know why she does what she does or whether or not we're supposed to find her actions understandable or sympathetic.

Here are two possible ways I think they could've done it better.

Option A, have Zahra announce to Vox Machina that although they found the Vestige, one of them would've died getting it if it wasn't for Kash (as far as those two know). The others will be similarly hard to get, and even if they manage to get them through pure dumb luck the way they got this first one, that doesn't mean they're worthy of them. Vestiges are incredibly powerful and dangerous; they shouldn't go to just any bumble fucks. So they must pass one last test to keep the Deathwalker's Ward.

And then Onlooker.

This approach makes for a smoother transition, firmly establishes Zahra and Kash's priorities and motivations, and gives the audience and Vox Machina a chance to understand their perspective. Because once we see Vax Awaken the Vestige and take the monster that had petrified the rest of the team down all by himself...we can understand why Zahra and Kash were trepidatious about letting someone outside the Take walk away with this thing.

And when Zahra and Kash see Vax do that, they relent, heal the others, and admit he's worthy to wield it.

Option B, we could've had the thing just be there like it was in the stream. But, we could have had Zahra and Kash be involved in its ambush of Vox Machina in another way. After the Adaro fight, while they're by themselves, the two mention that the fish people usually don't gather together unless they've got something bigger than themselves to latch onto. Similar to remoras and sharks. We could even add an image of the Onlooker drawn in the fresh blood from earlier for foreshadowing. But the two keep that to themselves; the monster attacks and everything plays out like in option A. 

Nitpicks

Let's look at Vex's line at the beginning of the episode.

Vex: Whatever happens...it's out of our control.

For anyone, for Vex, and especially for a kid, the line feels unnatural. In fact, it's obvious she says this not necessarily because it's in character but to set up Vax's Awakening of the armor later.

And you could argue that someone who didn't know what would happen wouldn't feel that way, but people will watch this show more than once. On a re-watch, a newbie might feel similarly.

While we could change the line, we might not even need one here. Just have Vax flashback to the twins and the bear while he's fighting Purrvan, only with him in the place of the mother bear with his young sister's hand soothing his cheek and his younger self's dagger at his throat. That gets across exactly how Vax's feeling in an instant with no dialogue at all, and it informs his letting go.

~~~

Instead of this at the end of the episode:

Vex: And what about my debt to the Slayer's Take?

Zahra: What debt?

I like something like this better:

Vex: And what about my debt to the Slayer's Take?

Zahra: Well, you did say you wanted to speak to Osysa because of four incredibly wealthy dragons didn't you? You better not fail in slaying them, then.

Zahra basically going put up or shut up here. You said you wanted a Vestige to kill dragons? Well, go kill some dragons. But it's not unkind, as it shows that now she thinks they might actually mean to try, and they actually might even have a shot at succeeding.

That's episode 4 down. It's only getting more interesting from here folks.

[xxxavo]

Sin getting upset bc he see’s Kouen flirting with his s/o (I mean they both already don’t like each other).So sins getting all alpha dog and is trying to get him to bck off

Requested by: anonymous

Warnings: A hint of verbal NSFW towards the end? (better known as...LIMEy) Not swear words but a few rude words? Idk

Suddenly getting back into Magi so might be a few imagines being thrown around here and there, depends on how long this lasts!! Feeling a NSFW scenario manifesting itself into my drafts after writing this, I won't lie, but no actual NSFW content today my little imuchakk's! Hope you enjoy!

Sinbad had always liked banquets, weather they be ones held in the kingdom of Sindria, or at his biggest rivals, the Kou empire. There was something exciting about the prospect of consuming alcohol in foreign lands after an important political meeting that made Sinbad feel on top of the world. It was rare for things in Sinbad’s life not to go his way, or to not end up leading towards something better then what he had lost. For this reason, King Sinbad was to an extent, a go-with-the-flow kind of man. Especially with loyal followers such as his generals and his beloved wife!

His beloved was of course very loyal, incredibly so...but, there were people who did not care for that loyalty of hers. This included a certain Kou empire red head who went by the name of Kouen.

“No need to look so sour, Sin.” Ja’far commented beside him, though he was enjoying the fact his King was abandoning his poor drinking habits to instead stay sober and focused, even if he was focusing on his wife and Kouen Ren flirting. “You told her to be pleasant and friendly towards Kouen to gain his favour. I don’t understand why you’re so jealous.” That was enough to make Sinbads eyes flicker from the generous laughter of his wife to the smug face of his right hand man.

“Me!? Jealous!?”

“Hmm.” Masrur agreed from the other side of Sinbad. The King’s neck practically snapped to the fanalis.

“Why would I, of all people, be jealous?”

“Because you’re wife is a smart, sophisticated lady who could do a lot better than a man who drinks sake and shamelessly prances around woman as if he was a young teen in his glory years.” Golden eyes met red ones in a baffled expression of offense.

“That’s a low blow, Ja’far.”

“Hmm.” Again, Masrur voiced his opinion rather humbly. Unlike the other two, Masrur had not taken his eyes away from the Queen, curious to see how her little game would play out; He loved how cunning she was.

The Queen, unlike Sinbad, was sensible. When he was busy hiding from Ja’far she was busy doing the work for him and cleaning up all his messes. Masrur liked how through thick and thin she stayed by Sinbad’s side whilst being the role model his country needed. She may as well have been a general. However, that didn’t mean she didn’t find herself sick of him sometimes.

Unfortunately old habits died hard. Sinbad was an infamous lady killer, flirting and charming any woman he deemed beautiful. No longer did he take it any further but Masrur could always see it in the Queen’s eyes whenever she got upset or jealous with his ministrations. As much as she tried to hide it, Masrur was a man who saw much, yet said very little.

The fanalis saw the way the cogs in her head turned the moment Sinbad had told her to “Gain Kouen’s favour in any way you can! I’m sure he’ll be much more linient with me if he enjoys the company of my other half” and the way she made sure her corset was on tighter and her breasts were pushed up higher only confirmed his supicions. Sinbad was about to get a very bitter taste of his own flirtatious medicine.

The Queen was, despite being middle aged, very beautiful. If she wasn’t married to King Sinbad, Masrur was certain many men would be throwing themselves at her feet. Kouen would possibly be one of those.

The next thing Masrur knew a grumpy Sinbad was pulling on his cheek, his gaze in the same direction as his. “What is it Masrur? What are they saying!? Surely you will stick by your King! Unlike this traitor—“

“Tsk.”

“Please Masrur. My wife could be in danger.” Sinbad dramatized. Masrur practically had to stop himself from commenting on how pathetic the King looked. “I need those fanalis ears of yours...”

“Fine.”

“Did you know, you’re my favourite?”

“I swear to Solomon Sinbad if you—“

Drowning out the advisor and the King, Masrur honed his attention on the Queen and Kouen who sat sharing a bottle of red wine.

“Oh no. No more for me please.” Just as Kouen was about to tip some more of the red liquor in her glass, the Queen politely bowed her head, fluttering her lashes. “My tolerance for alcohol isn’t the greatest thing in the world.”

“Oh?.” Kouen hummed, nodding in response before filling up his own. “I expected you to perhaps be a little more like you’re husband.”

“An old drunkard?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“But is it not what you meant?”

“I—“ Kouen seemed at a loss for words for a second, perhaps embarrassed, but saved himself rather quickly without a hint of emotion on his face. “What I meant was, a lover of a banquet. Sinbad has attended many, I assumed you would have been more on par with him when it came to drinking and party games.”

The Queen watched Kouen take a sip of his wine, her lips pulling up into a soft smirk. “Something tells me Kouen if I was anything like my husband you wouldn’t want to be sat here with me.” Kouen was slow to place down his drink, his sharp eyes meeting Sinbad’s wife’s.

“Would you rather me sit elsewhere?”

“That’s not what I said.”

“But is it not what you meant?” Now, it was his turn to smirk.

“I—“ With a soft laugh, the regal woman before Kouen grew flustered, picking up her glass and swirling the remaining wine contents around to allow her to look elsewhere. “You really are as they say Kouen. Quite an interesting man. I enjoy getting to know you.” Lifting up her head, the Queen rose an eyebrow, a smile now residing on her face. “Every word I say sinks in doesn’t it?”

“Your highness. If any man does not listen to you, does he really deserve to be in your presence? If my sisters were simply cast aside, I wouldn’t be so forgiving to the suitor who was to do that.” It was a lie, the Queen had heard of Kouen and his family sending off the young princess to he married to a King who wanted nothing more then a pretty face. Was there more to the story? Most likely. But was that the gist of it? Yes. However, to indulge both Kouen and continue to gain the nervous attention of her husband shuffling in his seat, the Queen sighed out gently.

“You’re close to your family...?” It was hard to hear the rest, Sinbad practically chewing off his own hand right beside Masrurs ear.

“What are they saying!?” Simply, Masrur shrugged. “Something about family.” It was no fun telling Sinbad everything. Groaning, Sinbad flopped back into his seat, picking up his wine with a pout.

“It doesn’t taste the same knowing at the end of the night she’s not going to be dragging me back to our room...”

“Who? Her highness?” The three men all turned abruptly to face Kogyoku, who smiled sheepishly. “I’m awfully sorry...” she stuttered out. “I didn’t mean to pry, I just came to say hello and over heard you talking."

Knowing that any ill intentions towards Kougyoku’s older brother would harm his reputation with the Kou empire, Sinbad put on his best charming smile, acting as though he wasn’t emotionally conflicted on the inside. “Ah Princess. What a pleasure to be seeing you again. Are you enjoying the banquet?” With a smile, the pinkette nodded her head.

“I am very much your highness. I hope you’re also enjoying yourself.” With that, her eyes flickered upwards to the Queen of Sindrian and the most influential man in the whole of the Kou empire. “It seems her highness is enjoying herself to. I’ve never seen Kouen so invested in somebody. It’s a real testimony to your wife.” Kougyoku was of course NOT JEALOUS. Not once had she imagined herself sat on Sinbad's lap as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear! Nether the less, she continued her façade, knowing that after all it was her duty.

”They’re so deep in conversation, I wonder what they’re talking about.” Her words aren’t helping the purple male.

“As do I...”

“Kouen seems so relaxed around her highness. They really do get along don’t they?” Was she trying to give him a heart attack?

With a delightful laugh Sinbad nodded before finally rising to his feet. "They do indeed. In fact I feel a little bit left out. Perhaps I should pau the two a visit. Excuse me Princess, I do hope of seeing you again soon." Lifting her hand to his lips, Sinbad placed a soft kiss to the back of her hand before walking towards his wife and that thing trying to take her away. The King of Sindria looked at peace with all around him as he strode over, all intentions of causing havoc and disrupting the calm atmosphere completely gone for his being. At least it looked that way. If it didn't, he wouldn't have been a good King.

The two at the table saw him coming before he arrived and where as Kouen greeted him with a cut nod, seemingly displeased he was interrupting his time with his wife, who simply sent him a passive smile.

"Ah Your highness." Not Sin, not Sinbad, not my King, not my love. Just your highness. "Me and Kouen here--" Yet they were on first name basis? "Were just discussing-- Hmmph!"

As done many times before by the womanizer, Sinbad encased the back of his wife's head, bringing her face towards his own and then slamming their lips together in a rather mighty display right in front of the red princes eyes. He made sure it lasted. And his Queen? Who was she to deny Sinbads advances? As usual she practically melted into his affectionate assault, fragile hands moving to clasp at Sinbad's robes in an attempt to lull him closer...but two could play at that game. Pulling back from his beloved, Sinbad made sure to smirk, staring into her eyes for a brief moment. It was his way of saying "I'll get you back for this".

The sexual tension was undeniable and Sinbad had hoped Kouen could sense her thighs rubbing together like he could, because that was the closest Kouen would get.

"Hm? Talking about what? I didn't quite catch that my Queen."

Meanwhile, back at Sinbad's table, Ja'far sighed in aggravation as he watched the scene Sinbad caused in absolute horror. "Honestly, this man really does test my patience! Can he not just let his wife butter up Kouen! If anything it benefits us!"

"Hmm."

"Just for one second, can he think about anything else other then his-"

"Dick?"

"I was going to say pride but that works too."

[dameronology]

asystole {obi-wan kenobi x reader}

summary: ‘the trouble is the way you stick, to any part of me that remains in tact/but if i pull the plug, it isn’t only me i’m holding back’ - asystole, hayley williams (a.k.a ‘the one where you’re the bane of obi-wan’s life, even as a force ghost’) 

warnings: mentions of death, swearing, angst, and me not having a single fucking clue how force ghosts work 

this was originally based on a random idea i had and also encouragement from kara/@hellotherekenobi who requested a prompt that i completely forgot to include but...we move. also, i would highly highly recommend listening to the above song just because it’s a real tear jerker and i lOVE it 

enjoy 

- jazz 

Loss, for Obi-Wan, was not a stranger. It was an old acquaintance, constantly lingering beside him -- not quite there, but not gone either. He could always feel its presence, a constant and painful reminder of everyone he’d lost. He could probably count them all one hand but that didn’t make it any better. Loss was loss, whether it were two people or ten. Even if his grief had stopped and started with the passing of his master all those years ago, it was still something he felt in its wholeness and in its entirety. Because that’s all Obi-Wan could do: feel. It was everything or nothing. Zero percent or one hundred.

And with you, he wished it were nothing. He wished that your sudden absence from his life was something he didn’t have to feel in every fibre of his being. It was hard enough to acknowledge and even more painful to comprehend. You were the one person he’d always just assumed would be there forever. How foolish it now seemed, he was very much aware. Everybody died -- Qui-Gon Jinn was a testament to that; as was Satine Kryze and quite literally every other person in the galaxy who’d had the pleasure of being reminded of their mortality. It was just that this was...it was you. You weren’t immortal by any means but maker, you had acted like it. The way you went about life with an air of recklessness and discontent for the rules, making even the hardest of missions into an adventure. His life had been a thousand times better since you’d come running - nay, stumbling - into it. You’d blown his entire world to bits and pieced it back together with tiny, intricate bits of yours. Filled it with chaos and laughter and a light he hadn’t felt since the days of his youth. 

Perhaps most importantly, you’d looked after one another. He would stay by your side 24/7 to make sure you kept your head screwed on your shoulders, and you would pester him to drink water and remember to eat. He would remind you when you had important missions and meetings, and in return, you’d proof-read his paper work. He remembered the first time he’d fallen asleep beside you, to wake up with a blanket wrapped around him and his boots pulled off. It was so clear in his head because it was the first time someone had ever done anything for him without asking. It became something you did often, and though he never said it, it was something he kept so close to his heart. 

Obi-Wan wasn’t a fool. He knew you weren’t going to be around forever - he just didn’t realise that not forever was going to be a whole lot sooner that he’d anticipated. He used to make jokes about how your recklessness would one day lead to your demise. The idea of it made him feel sick now. He’d been right the entire time. He didn’t want it to be real.

None of it felt real. The whole conversation he’d had with Mace Windu about you not making it felt like a distant nightmare, something he’d tried so hard to wake up from, only to find that he was wide awake the entire fucking time. Night terrors were bad, but reality was arguably worse. 

It didn’t feel right at first, to see your chambers still filled with your stuff and your lightsaber still resting on your nightstand. Obi had been the one to put it there when you’d been taken to the infirmary, thinking you would have asked for it when you woke up - but you didn’t. It went hand-in-hand with the robes he’d hung up on your door and the get well soon, moron card he’d brought you. 

Then, they emptied your room. Took your clothes and your books and every other worldly possession you had. Your name was removed from the door to your quarters and added to the list of Jedi who had died in combat on the stone in the Temple gardens. Aside from that, any sign that you had ever walked the halls or burst into council meetings at the last minute was gone. You lived on only in his memories, your lopsided smile ingrained into his mind and contagious laugh echoing constantly in his brain. 

Throwing himself into work was the only option for Obi-Wan. He already took on a thousand things at once, but without you to help bare the weight, it became a million. If he was busy, he didn’t have time to think -- about you, or how fucking fragile everything was, or about all the ways he could have saved you. You’d slipped through his fingers, even when he’d be holding on so tightly. It wasn’t his fault. It was just...life. 

A few weeks passed, and Obi-Wan continued to push himself. Everybody noticed it -- how suddenly busy he was, how quiet he’d become, how tired he looks. Blue eyes had grown exhausted with grief and regret, strawberry blonde hair becoming longer and unrulier than was characteristic for him. When you’d died, you’d taken a tiny piece of him with you. An important part. Maybe that part had been you. 

It was on a cold Tuesday evening that he heard the four words. Sat out on the balcony of his quarters, watching Coruscant and life pass by in a blur ahead of him, a tangle of traffic and noise and a million sounds that he couldn’t quite decipher. The sky was a navy blue, cast with the tiny little glints and dots of distant planets. All worlds that you’d once promised to explore 

‘You look like shit.’  

He thought he’d imagined it at first. In fact, it wouldn’t have been the first time in the last few weeks that the sound of your voice in his head had felt clear enough to be real. Imagining things - hallucinations and echoes of the long gone - was simply part of the grieving process. A process he’d gone through countless times before. 

 The sudden appearance of you in the corner of his eye jolted him like an electric shock. Perhaps not that far off of the emotional equivalent of being hit by a bus. Or a light freighter. Or...all of those things at once. 

You were ethereal. When he’d last seen you, you’d been...tired. Now, you were smiling and radiating some sort of energy that could only be described as quintessentially you. There was not a chance in hell that a grief-induced hallucination could be so life-like, so crystal clear. Plus, why would he have imagined you like this, slightly transparent and with a blue glow surrounding you? A fitting colour for your final form, he figured. 

‘Shocked to see me?’ Your drawl continued. ‘Because if you think you’re shocked, let me tell you. One second I was napping and the next I was a fucking Force ghost. Could you imagine?’

Obi-Wan smiled softly. ‘I don’t think I could.’

‘I can float through walls, though.’ You grinned. ‘How cool is that?’

‘It’s...that’s very cool.’ He replied. ‘I don’t suppose you can hug Force ghosts?’

Obi-Wan reached his palm out towards you - slowly but surely, as though he were scared you were going to fade away all over again if he touched you. You mimicked his actions, faded blue fingertips just moments away from his. When they finally touched, they didn’t. You felt nothing. He felt a rush of cold, as though somebody had poured a bucket of cold water over him.

He didn’t fully understand the concept of Force ghosts. Studied them, sure. Understood them? Not quite. There weren’t enough Jedi texts in the galaxy to fully capture the complexity of what made somebody come back. Often, they were linked to acts of heroism, or stemming from action taken when the person was still alive. That didn’t seem like you though. You weren’t the sort of person to try to fiddle with jinxes and hijinkery that would allow you to come back once you were dead - at least not purposefully. There was certainly every chance you did it accidentally. 

 ‘Guess not.’ You murmured. ‘Sorry ‘bout that.’

The icy feeling only grew closer as you took a seat beside him. It was funny, because he thought that if he’d had the chance to reunite with you, that it would have been more emotional than this. Something filled with more feeling and grandeur. Instead, you’d just appeared, and acted as though you’d never been gone in the first place. Obi-Wan preferred it that way. 

‘I’ve missed you.’ He continued to stare blankly ahead. 

When you died, there were a thousand things he’d come up with that he’d wished he’d said. They ranged from comments about the weather to grand declarations of...how much you meant to him. All things he would never dare say to your face, and that’s probably why he came up with them. Because he would never get the chance to say them. And now, here you were, right beside him, and he had a second opportunity to get that closure -- but the words didn’t quite come. They stayed on the tip of his tongue, there, but not quite there. Even if this wasn’t quite the version of you that he imagined himself telling them to, it was still undeniably you. 

‘I should hope so.’ You tried to nudge him with your elbow, but it was just another icy jab. ‘I would say that I missed you too, but I don’t know where I’ve been.’

‘What happened between then and now?’ Obi asked. ‘Between that and this?’

‘Okay, first of all - you can say my death. Coming up with a thousand other words for it won’t undo it.’ You said. ‘And...I don’t know. I just remember blaster fire, then some darkness, and then I was here.’

‘Did it hurt?’

‘Well it didn’t tickle.’ You replied ‘It was quick, if that’s any comfort.’

‘I suppose it is.’ He murmured. 

‘You’re being uncharacteristically quiet.’ You observed. ‘I can go away if you want. I’m not sure how this whole thing works but if you want me to leave, I can go and scare Dex-’

‘- that’s the last thing I want.’ He cut you off. ‘I just..I’ve spent the last few weeks trying not to acknowledge that you’re truly gone and it’s a little hard to do that when you’re quite literally a ghost.’

‘I’m not really gone though, am I?’ You said. ‘I’m still here. Not as I’d like to be, but I’m here.’

‘So as long as you’re around to irritate me and make snide comments, you’re here.’ He smiled. ‘Whether that’s in the flesh or...in the blue.’

‘I’m sorry it happened.’ You gently sighed. ‘Not sorry that I died for the greater good but sorry it was so..sudden.’

‘It’s not your fault.’ He wanted to reach across, to take your hand in his or run it down your arm - but he couldn’t. He couldn’t deal with another rush of cold in place of what used to be warm flesh. ‘It was still undeniably your most half-witted decision to date but you saved a lot of people, so I won’t hold it against you.’

‘Oh, how kind.’ You snorted. ‘I bet you’ve secretly enjoyed the peace and quiet, Kenobi.’

‘I miss it already.’

-- 

Obi-Wan woke up the next morning, still on the balcony. The air was cold -- as evidenced by his violent shivers -- and the sky had changed from navy, to a turquoise-tainted pink. The city below was moderately quiet, signalling that it was still pretty early. The only sounds were coming from traffic in the distance and the occasional whoosh of a passing jet in the sky above. He stayed like that for a moment, azure eyes clouded with some kind of apprehension as he watched the clouds slowly pass, not a care in the world for the fact it was fucking freezing. 

Last night had been real, even if there was no sign of your presence. Actually, that wasn’t quite true -- the robes he’d discarded before your appearance had been thrown over him like a blanket. They did little to protect him from the cold air, but it was a confirmation that you had been there. He wasn’t sure when you’d left - or how - but he was the only one on the balcony. 

There were a lot of questions floating about in his head. Why were you only turning up now after weeks? Why had you materialised by him? Why were you here at all? You were finally free, free to do literally whatever you wanted, and you’d wound up by his side. There were millions and millions of places in the galaxy and somehow, his balcony was the one where you’d wanted to be. 

After showering and shaving, Obi-Wan found himself heading towards the classroom of the best Jedi he knew: Yoda. If anyone was going to know anything about Force ghosts, it was him. He’d have to make sure not to let slip exactly what he was talking about - your relationship with him was far more attached than the code allowed, after all - in a more general sense, he must have had something to offer. It wasn’t the kind of thing they taught in Jedi training. If anything, it was the opposite. The lesson was don’t become attached enough to someone so that they haunt you! - and it was one at which he’d failed quite miserably. 

‘Master Kenobi.’ Yoda sat in the middle of the classroom, meditating. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know who it was. ‘Of assistance, may I be?’

‘Good morning.’ Obi-Wan greeted him with a bow. ‘I have some questions, and I was hoping you might be able to help me.’

‘Do go on. Help, I might be able to.’

‘Right.’ He cleared his throat, awkwardly taking a seat beside him. ‘What do you know about Force ghosts?’

‘Lots. Specific, you must be.’

‘Say you had a dear friend, and they died.’ He began. ‘Then they came back a little while as a Force ghost.’

‘Come back, they don’t.’ Yoda opened one eye, glancing over at him. ‘Never gone, they were. The Force takes time to manifest.’ 

‘So...the ghost version of them is still them?’

‘Very much so.’ He said. ‘Why, there are many reasons. Many Jedi study for a long time to materialise as ghosts after passing.’

‘What if they didn’t?’

‘Then unfinished business, they have.’ He replied. ‘When a Jedi dies, their Force connections do too. If they are left unbroken, exist as a ghost they will.’

Well, that explained it. 

‘Right.’ He murmured. ‘Last question, I promise - how long does that connection usually last?’

‘Months to years, it may be.’ He explained. ‘On their unfinished business, the connection depends.’

‘That makes sense.’ Obi-Wan nodded. ‘Thank you, Master Yoda.’

The little green creature simply nodded in response, turning his attention back to his meditation. He didn’t ask questions -- what was the point? He’d been around hundreds of years, and dealt with hundreds of similar things in that time. Truth be told, he didn’t have all the answers. He was just good at acting like it. 

Obi-Wan pondered on the conversation for the rest of the day. 

 There were a lot of things that could have constituted your unfinished business. The list was endless, especially given how suddenly you’d passed. Nobody knew you better than Obi-Wan, but even he struggled to decipher it. You weren’t the sort of person who would hang around for no good reason. It had to be something important -- something so pressing that you quite literally couldn’t pass away in its entirety without dealing with it. Part of him was worried that he didn’t know at all; you were always sneaking about, always doing something that you shouldn’t have been. That left a long list of possibilities. 

But Yoda had directly mentioned Force connections, right? Maybe he’d meant it in a general way, but Obi would have been a complete dumb-ass to think that the Jedi didn’t know what was going on. If the situation didn’t tell him, his seeming ability to know everything about everyone certainly would have. You were the only person he could have possibly been talking about. 

It was something he knew he had to bring up, and so he made the mental promise to himself. The best time would have been that night, when he saw you again. If he saw you again. He trusted you to return. You knew better now than to disappear forever without saying goodbye. 

And he’d been right. That evening, after he’d exchanged goodbyes with Anakin, Obi-Wan found himself wandering out to the balcony. Sure enough, you were leant against the railings, back turned to him as you peered down at the city below. The air was cold again -- maybe because it was Winter, but also maybe because of you -- and the harsh winds blew back your hair. He wanted to reach out and feel it, to feel you, but he couldn’t. A man whose love language was physical touch was sure to suffer when the person he wanted most was a fucking entity.  

‘You’re late.’ You glanced over your shoulder at him. ‘Don’t your meetings normally end at six?’

‘Anakin wanted to talk about something.’ He replied. ‘So is this your life now? Waiting for me to come home?’

You snorted. ‘Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve been at the diner all day moving stuff around to confuse Dex.’

‘That’s mean.’

‘And what would you do if you were a Force ghost?’

Wait for you. Follow you.

‘Explore.’ He lied, leaning against the balcony beside you. ‘I spoke to Yoda today about...this.’ 

‘Mmm?’ 

‘He said that people who usually come back either purposefully prepared for it when they were still alive.’

‘Or?’

‘How do you know there’s an or?’

‘Because I sometimes struggled to turn on my lightsaber. You think I’m skilled enough to do this shit on purpose, Kenobi?’

‘You’re…’ brilliantly intelligent, easily the smartest person I know, ‘...clever. Don’t put yourself down.’

‘Just cut to the point.’

‘Right.’ Obi-Wan cleared his throat. ‘He said that, or that they had unfinished business. Force connections still strong enough to keep them here.’

‘So, you and me?’

‘What?’

‘Our Force connection.’ You said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. ‘You do know what we have one, right?’

‘I...I figured we were always just...close.’ 

‘No, you dipshit.’ You shook your head with a laugh. ‘They can develop between best friends. It’s a little rare, but we’re both so strong with the Force that it just happens naturally.’ 

‘That makes sense.’ he turned to look out at the city. ‘I didn’t really have a best friend before you.’ 

You looked over at him, a smile playing on your lips. ‘Yeah, me neither.’

--

Obi-Wan quickly fell into a routine, post-you. Not post-you completely, because he still saw you every evening, but that had helped push him towards the transition. He adjusted to only seeing you after work - not in the mornings or during the day or every waking second like it used to be. Nothing was how it used to be. Not even close. You were no longer beside him during meets or climbing into bed next to him when you had nightmares. There were no more missions with you or late nights filled with paperwork and laughter. 

That was the problem. 

You were here, but you weren’t really. The ghost he saw every night had your eyes and your laugh and your personality, but it wasn’t really you. Obi-Wan couldn’t touch you; he couldn’t feel you in the same way he used to. It was like having a conversation with a figment of his imagination -- conversations of false hope and plans that would never come to fruition. Because you could banter and you could laugh and you act like things weren’t completely fucking different, but they were. You were a ghost. A ghost of yourself, a ghost of the past, a ghost of what used to be. 

It had helped the pain at first. Eased the dread of knowing that you weren’t ever going to be back, not properly. Obi-Wan had appreciated that. It made grieving a lot easier when you were technically still there to tease and jester him through the process. Knowing that his friendship was the reason you couldn’t fully let go of existing had both made it better and worse. Better, because it meant you cared for him as deeply as he did for you. Worse, because it was so open-ended. At what point would you be satisfied enough to finally let go? Would he get to say goodbye, or would you just be here forever? 

That was the problem, Obi-Wan had come to find. 

He was hopelessly in love with you - though that much was obvious - and he couldn’t deal with only having some of you. He wanted all of you, or he wanted none of you. Only being able to talk to a blue apparition of you just wasn’t enough. It was just a constant reminder that the person he loved most in the universe was gone, and that he’d never fully have you. He was kicking himself for that one. What if he’d said something to you when you were still alive? Declared his love for when he could still physically reach out to you? 

That was the thought plaguing his mind every night. With you beside him, a cold aura radiating towards him as you sat with your legs hugged to your chest. It had been a few weeks since your first appearance, and your nights together ranged from deep conversations to comfortable silence. The latter was always worse, because Obi-Wan constantly found himself teetering on the edge of saying something. It was hard, because despite everything, he found you to be more enchanting and peaceful than ever. More entrancing. 

‘Can I tell you something?’ He asked. 

‘Sure thing.’ You peered over at him. ‘You look worried. Is it serious?’

He paused for a moment. ‘Depends how you take it, I suppose.’

‘Try me.’

‘There are…’ he faltered again. ‘There are some things I regret not telling you when you were still here.’

‘I am here.’ You reminded him. 

‘No, I know that.’ He found himself unable to look at you. ‘I mean when you were here here.’

‘What’s the difference, Obi?’

‘Remember when you used to come to my bedroom at 2AM because you’d had a bad dream?’ He asked. ‘Or when you’d throw yourself into my arms after we’d been separated on long missions?’

‘Yeah.’ 

He absent-mindedly reached a hand out towards you; it went straight through you, a rush of cold shooting down his arm. ‘I can’t do that anymore.’

‘You can still talk to me.’ You urged. ‘You can still be with me-’

‘- not in the way I want.’ Not in the way I need.

‘What do you mean?’ You gently pushed.

‘You don’t need me to explain it.’ He finally looked at you, blue eyes shrouded with an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher. 

‘Obi-Wan, what do you think has been keeping me here?’ You asked. 

You knew. Of course you fucking knew. Try as he might to be mysterious and suave, but you could read him like a book -- and it was a shock to you that he hadn’t seen your feelings either. They were clear as day to both of you, and yet it had been easier to ignore them for the sake of your friendship, and for the sake of the code. You both always figured that you could deal with them at a later date, because that’s when you’d had a later. 

‘Just say it.’ You murmured. ‘Say that you love me too and I’ll go-’

‘- I don’t want you to go.’ He cut you off. ‘Because then you’re gone forever.’

‘And then you can move on.’ You smiled. Neither of you knew that ghosts could cry until now. 

This was the closest he would ever get to having you now. He could have just sucked it up and dealt with it, and kept you by his side in your ominous form - but would that have been fair on you? To keep you around, just because he was so full of regret over things unsaid and so full of fear over grieving? None of this was fair, on him or on you.  

‘I can’t say it.’ Obi-Wan murmured. ‘Not yet.’

‘It’s okay.’ You gave him a watery smile. ‘I know.’

Neither of you said anything else - maybe you didn’t want to, or maybe you were scared to. The fact you’d finally acknowledged the bantha in the room after years, finally admitting that love had been the driving force behind what made your friendship so good, for so long. The irony was that when you’d died, he’d wanted nothing more than for you to come back in some form. Now, he realised that it was holding him back from moving on -- and he couldn’t do that until he’d let you go. But he couldn’t do that either. 

Unbeknownst to Obi-Wan, his words had been a confession. Albeit a thinly veiled one, but a confession nonetheless. It had confirmed to you the only thing you’d wanted to know before you’d passed: that he loved you back. That was all you needed. It was all you’d ever needed. 

Eventually, the Jedi beside you grew sleepy. That’s how it usually went every night -- you’d talk, he’d fall asleep beside you, and you’d cover him with a blanket and slip out to wherever it was that Force ghosts went at night. He never asked, for fear of it ruining the mystery. Obi-Wan knew that he wasn’t the only person you saw, but it was a nice thought, and one he didn’t want to taint. At least you took more mercy on him than you did with Dex, who slowly thought he was going insane at all the random objects suddenly being moved around. 

When you heard him gently snoring, you stood up. Obi-Wan looked peaceful, as though he’d finally gotten something of his chest - even though he hadn’t realised he’d done it. He hadn’t realised that it had been enough.  

You leant down beside him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. For the first time since you’d appeared, you could finally feel his skin against yours - no cold jolts, no body parts suddenly disappearing through the other. Just your lips against his; warm and...human. 

‘Good night, Obi-Wan.’ You ran a hand through his hair, before standing up and stepping back. ‘I love you. I’ll always love you.’

He felt it. He was asleep, but he felt your lips on his and your hand in his hair, and he’d secretly smiled to himself, not entirely realising what was going on. He’d thought it was a dream, or that he was simply imagining that you could finally touch him as though you were a human, and no longer a cold, blue ghost. 

Because you weren’t. You were no longer a ghost.

Obi-Wan didn’t realise till he rose the next morning, a blanket tossed over him and the feeling of your lips still lingering on his, even hours later. He even dared to smile for a moment, before the knowledge of what he’d done hit him. He’d given you what you wanted - an unintentional confession of love. The thing you needed to finally cut off your Force connection. The only thing still tethering you to this world.

You were gone, but at least he’d finally gotten what he wanted. You. Even if it was only for a few moments.

[marvelyningreen]

Andante

[Peter Maximoff x reader (X-Men: Apocalypse)

Summary: When an injury brings Peter’s superhuman speed to a screeching halt, you figure he could use some company and cheering up.

Warnings: mild language

Notes: could be interpreted as romantic or platonic, if that’s more your speed]

           You hurry in from the rain, pausing just long enough to shake off your umbrella on the doorstep before closing the door behind you. You take a moment to wipe your shoes on the mat in an attempt to keep them from squeaking in the tiled halls of the mansion.

           The floorplan of this rebuilt version is practically identical to the original. The design and decor are much the same, too. Still… You feel a bit like a stranger, or maybe the mansion itself does.

           With everything else that’d happened, you hadn’t really had a chance to process your own experience that day. One second, you were trimming the hedges by the mansion’s front steps. The next, you were a hundred yards away, surrounded by the students and staff, and the mansion was exploding, and suddenly there in your midst was your childhood best friend – Peter Maximoff, all grown up.

           It’s funny how someone you knew for such a short time could’ve made such an impact on you. Really, you and Peter only knew each other for two years. It baffled the teachers how a quiet goody-two-shoes like you could be thick as thieves with resident mischief-maker Peter Maximoff, but you were practically inseparable. Perhaps it was partly due to some truth in the old saying about opposites attracting. But there was more to it than that. You and Peter shared a secret.

           Your sporadic telekinesis had nothing on Peter’s incredible speed, but he never seemed to mind. You were both just so happy to finally have someone who understood, who you didn’t have to hide from. Those two years were some of the best of your life.

           And years passed, and you grew up. You kept your abilities hidden, but you kept the memory of Peter with you. You’d think of him often, hoping that he was doing well, wherever he was. You never expected to see him again.

           Lost in thought, Hank hurries around a corner and nearly bowls you over. You both apologize to each other, laughing, and continue on your respective ways.

           It feels strange being back here after… Well, after everything. Everyone is doing their best to settle back into a routine, but it isn’t quite working yet. Maybe it won’t ever feel the same.

           The students either converse too loudly or are oddly subdued, with very little in between. Scott Summers’ group of close friends is never far from his side, and the faculty likewise seem to hover around the professor. It’s difficult not to dwell on how bad things had gotten, and how much worse everything could’ve been.

           And if it’s difficult for you, you can only imagine how it must be for the person you’re here to see. You pause to knock politely at his door, and the voice that answers sounds oddly terse.

           “You can come in.”

           You slip into the room to find Peter scowling morosely out the window. He’s still laid up in bed, his broken leg in a cast and propped up on a pillow. He’s got a wicked case of bedhead, and there are dark rings under his eyes. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so tired.

           There’s an odd sound you can’t quite place – like the low hum of a fan or the purring of a cat – and you realize that it’s just Peter drumming his fingers restlessly on his nightstand at impossible speeds. He turns his head, and when he sees that it’s you walking through the door, his expression shifts into one of relief.

           “Oh, thank God,” he says, “I thought it was somebody coming to make sure I’m still “resting.” C’mere! Have a seat!”

           You grab a nearby chair and drag it closer to his bedside. You hate to see Peter cooped up and frustrated like this, but it’s good to see him, period. You don’t like to think about what could’ve happened to him in Cairo.

           When you look back up at Peter, his hair is smoothed down neatly. You snort involuntarily. If he's feeling well enough to be vain, it must be a good sign.

           “How are you holding up?” you ask.

           Peter slumps against his stack of pillows and groans dramatically, letting his head fall back.

           “I’m bored out of my mind. Do you know that they’re not letting me walk for a week? A whole week! Something about a risk of my leg not healing right if I move too fast on it. I said I’d walk like a normal person, but they apparently don’t trust me. Can you believe that? Don’t answer that. So I asked them just to drug me, knock me out for the rest of the week so I can get it over with, but they won’t do that either. This blows.”

           It’s hard not to smile, but it’s just so good to hear his voice. And, damn, people say you talk too fast. You’d forgotten that Peter was the true motor-mouth. Maybe he’s where you picked it up from. Though he still looks annoyed, Peter seems a little more relaxed after all that. Apparently he needed someone to vent to.

           He rolls his head to one side to look at you, and his brows furrow. “Hey, are you okay? You look tired.”

           “I look tired?” you say, “Have you looked in a mirror lately?”

           “I haven’t, actually, because the mirror’s all the way over there, and I’m stuck in bed. You wouldn’t guess that having to sit alone with your own thoughts would wear you out, but apparently it does.”

           You’d had a feeling that the broken leg isn’t all that’s weighing on his mind. There’s still the whole Magneto business.

           You almost ask him about it, but you think better of it. Peter’s got a lot to mull over on that front. If he wants to talk about it, you’ll be there to listen, but you don’t want to bring it up when he doesn’t have any way to exit the conversation if he needed to. You decide to change the topic slightly.

           “Listen,” you say, “I never got a chance to thank you. You saved my life. You saved so many people. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t turned up at the mansion when you did.”

           Peter ducks his head a bit as he smiles, probably pleased to get a little recognition. There hadn’t been much time for gratitude in the moment. There hadn’t been much time for anything, really. And there certainly hadn’t been time to reconnect.

          You’d chased after Scott and his friends into the wreckage, trying to make sure none of them got hurt, and then things went from bad to worse. Suddenly, you found yourself tagging along with these immensely powerful teenagers on a fly-by-night rescue mission. It’s a good thing you did, too. Who else was gonna fly that getaway plane?

           Your own mutant abilities had never been particularly strong, not in a combat sense. You’d learned to be a pilot in an effort to make yourself useful. You just hadn’t expected it to pay off in a situation like that.

           “What can I say? Right time, right place… Right speed.” Peter’s grin turns rueful as he glances down at his busted leg. “I mean, by all rights, I should be thanking you, too.”

           You’d been trying not to dwell on that whole experience. It makes you feel a little sick to remember seeing that familiar silver streak darting around while Apocalypse was tossed in the air like a ragdoll, and then feeling the hope choked out of you as you heard Peter scream in pain.

           You don’t know how you managed to scramble down out of that second story ruin after Hank and Scott without hurting yourself any worse, but you did. You tried to shake it from your mind – the feeling of shrapnel and energy battering the telekinetic field you’d struggled to maintain around Peter and Mystique.

           You clear your throat, as though that’ll somehow clear out the memory as well. “Yeah… I guess sometimes you don’t know what you’re capable of until it’s literally do-or-die.”

           “I don’t just mean Cairo.” Peter shakes his head. “Well, that, too. But I don’t just mean that. I mean when we were kids. You always had my back.”

           Just before middle school, Peter’s family had moved away. You weren’t quite sure why, but it seemed like something had happened and Peter wouldn’t talk about it. He spent his entire last week in town with you, and on the very last day he hugged you tightly and promised that he’d come back and visit if he could.

           You never heard from him again.

           It was only years later that you’d put the pieces together – the Maximoffs’ sudden move, the well-dressed men turning up at the school and asking strange questions. Peter must’ve gotten caught using his powers, and his mother packed up the whole family and fled to protect him.

          “For weeks, months after we moved away, Mom was so scared. She wouldn’t let me out of the house. She thought that, any second, somebody was gonna show up and… I dunno, take me away, I guess. But I wasn’t worried. I was a cocky little shit, y’know?”

           You snort. “‘Was?’ Pretty sure that part of your personality hasn’t changed.”

           Peter laughs, but it fades quickly.

           “I heard that people came to our old school looking for me. And, hey, they never found me and Mom, so I figured you must’ve covered for me.”

           If there was one thing you were grateful to your younger self for, it was your instinctive distrust of these suspicious strangers.

           “I didn’t tell them anything,” you say, and Peter nods.

           “I knew you wouldn’t. But this one day, something hit me. What if they found out that you were a mutant, too?” Peter shakes his head, biting his lip. “I was terrified. I thought they were gonna find you, and… and I don’t know what I thought they’d do to you.”

           You feel cold all of a sudden. That thought hadn’t occurred to you. You’d been so focused on trying to keep Peter safe that you never once considered that you might be in danger, yourself. All those news articles about what Bolivar Trask had been up to ten years ago come flooding into your mind. You brush them aside and focus on what Peter’s saying now.

           “I wanted to run back there, make sure you were alright; maybe – I don’t know – take you with me and run away so we’d both be safe. I actually bought one of those AM radios, if you can believe it. Every night, I’d use the skip to listen to the news back there. I never heard anything about you, so I had to make myself believe it meant that you were okay. Otherwise I would’ve gone crazy, y’know?”

           He laughs again, but it sounds a little shaky.

           “Yeah, I know,” you say quietly. The air in the room feels sorta heavy now. Damn it, you’d come here to cheer Peter up, and it’s about time you get to it. You change topics with all the grace of a sledgehammer. “Speaking of none of this, I brought you something.”

           Peter immediately perks up. You rummage in your backpack and pull out a box of Nutty Buddy bars.

           “I remember these where your favorite when we were kids. I didn’t know if you still liked them, so I brought some Star Crunch, too. But you don’t have to-”

           Peter seems to blur for a moment, and suddenly both boxes are torn open and several wrappers are arcing their way into the trash can. Peter lets out a satisfied sigh. You might’ve remembered his favorites, but you’d forgotten his habit of absolutely inhaling them.

           “Okay, I guess I shouldn’t have worried,” you say.

           “What else you got in that bag?” Peter asks. “It can’t all be snack cakes. Unless it is…?”

           He’s joking, but you can tell he wouldn’t be disappointed if the answer was yes. You heft your heavily-loaded backpack onto the edge of the bed.

           “I figured you’d be bored, so I brought some books over in case you… What?”

           Peter never had a great poker face. You can tell that he’s definitely trying to smile, but that expression is a pained grimace. He laughs ruefully.

           “I might not be able to walk, but my hands still work. And my eyes. Did you know I can read a whole bookshelf in two hours?”

           “Oh…”

           You hadn’t thought of that. You look down, crestfallen. Of course, if something can be done at speed, that’s how Peter will do it. So that rules out all the other usual time-killers – crosswords or jigsaw puzzles or craft projects.

           But you remember Peter enjoying some things that can’t be sped through – live music being the main one. You start to wonder about the logistics of sneaking Peter out to take him to a concert or a play or something, but that’d be difficult to pull off without the professor catching you. Hmm…

           Peter’s brow furrows for a second, and then his expression brightens.

           “Hey, why don’t you read them to me?”

           You blink in surprise. “What, me?”

           “Yeah, you. Who else?”

           At this prospect, you’re suddenly rethinking everything. For all Peter might call himself a loser, you’d always seen him as infinitely cooler than yourself.

           “I don’t know. These are some of my own books, and I don’t know if you’ll actually like any of them.” You can feel yourself blushing preemptively, certain he’ll judge your taste in literature. “Maybe if I run to the library instead-”

           “No, don’t go!” Peter interrupts. “It’s raining cats and dogs out there, and I’m sick of being alone. Come on, read me your nerd books. Please?”

           He turns those big, pretty, puppy-dog eyes on you, and it’d be almost impossible to say no, even if you wanted to. Which you don’t. You sigh, smiling at him.

           “Alright, you win,” you say, “But you have to at least pick which one.”

           His face brightens into a full thousand-watt grin. “Done!”

           Peter blurs once more as he shuffles through your selection of books. Then suddenly he’s still again, tilting his head as he studies a stout little paperback.

           “Hey, didn’t they make a movie out of this?”

           He tosses it to you and settles back against the pillows, watching you expectantly. You pull up your legs to sit cross-legged on the chair and take a deep breath. Here goes.

           “‘Carl Conrad Coreander – Old Books.’ This inscription could be seen on the glass door of a small shop…”

           You read on, interrupted only by the odd quip or question from Peter. You hardly mind his commentary. You’re just happy that the story seems to be entertaining him. He’s a far cry from the agitated ball of nerves he’d been when you walked in.

           You glance over at the clock and see that two hours have gone by. You wonder if Peter would mind you taking a quick intermission to give your voice a break. But as you turn to ask him, you fall silent.

           Peter’s head is lolled back on the pillows, his eyes closed, his lips parted slightly. His chest rises and falls with deep, even breaths – sound asleep.

           You smile fondly at him. Poor guy. He really must’ve been exhausted.

Telekinetically, you switch off the lamp. The atmosphere in the room softens to the grey light filtering in from the rainy day outside. There. That’s more conducive to sleeping.

           You make note of the page you’d left off on and close the book, picking up your copy of Howl’s Moving Castle instead. Moving as carefully and quietly as you can to keep from waking Peter, you make your way over to a more comfortable spot on the window seat.

           You’d hate for Peter to think you’d run out on him after he fell asleep. You’ll stick around. And if he needs anything when he wakes up, you’ll be here. That’s what old friends are for.

[15-dogs]

chapter 2 - burning pile

pairing: fred weasley x reader

series masterlist

summary: your son asks you a tough question about his father, causing you to reflect on the exact moment you decided what you were going to tell him

warnings: children, the war, mentions of death, getting disowned, description of broken limbs, very light swearing, pregnancy mention

guide: (Y/N) = your name, (Y/L/N) = your last name

word count: 2.4K 

a/n: if your url is crossed out that means i couldn’t tag you! if you want to be added to my taglist for this, either comment or send an ask :) hope you like it!!

●chapter 2●

“Everyone at school has one,” your son stated, “how come I don’t have a dad?”

You clenched your eyes shut. You knew this was coming at some point, but 8 years old seemed far too soon. You smiled softly at your son, Daniel, as you patted your lap. He clambered onto you and you ran your hand through his fiery red hair, wondering how you could explain something so broken to someone so young.

●●●

You ran into the war alone. You were part of no affiliation, no friends by your side, you only knew who you were fighting for. 

Your son, nearly 2 years old at the time, was at your muggle neighbor’s flat. You couldn’t bring him to your muggle parents, not when they disowned you for finding out about your accidental pregnancy.

That’s why you were fighting. For him. For Danny. He needed to grow up in a world where blood status didn’t matter, where he didn’t need to be concerned about having a future or not. For Danny. You had to repeat it to yourself over and over again. For Danny. For Danny.

The war, like wars often were, was ugly. Rubble coating the grounds and bodies peeking out from under it. Being at such a broken place that was once filled with hope and joy was like seeing a photo go black and white.

You did your best to assist where you could, seeing people you went to school with falling lifeless onto the ground. They had families, they had parents that loved them. That was somebody’s child who was chasing death, and you were not about to let them get caught. You would jump in just in time to save them, feeling that was your best bet at contributing to the cause.

So you wandered the halls of the castle, seeking trouble. But, as it always does, trouble seems to find you. A Death Eater appeared from behind one of the many staircases, firing a spell at you. You barely dodged it, slipping behind a pillar, your heart pounding in your ears. You imagined what it would be like to have someone beside you but you couldn’t dwell, you were facing life and death.

You readied your wand before popping out from your hiding spot, firing a stunning spell at the man. He blocked it, but it sent him skyrocketing backwards into another hallway.

You had just found your target, there was no way you’d let him escape. You charged after where you had left him, only to find him missing. Your eyes locked onto a trail of blood that dotted from where you stood to a hallway, which just so happened to have sparks flying from it.

You rounded the corner to see two redheads battling two Death Eaters, your feet bolting to the ground.

It was Fred.

He was laughing at something Percy had said as they battled the men. He looked so...grown up. It had only been 2 years since you last saw him, but he looked different. He seemed genuinely happy. 

But it wasn’t the time to focus on such trivial things, not when the Death Eater you were battling was sneaking up on Fred. Both men were unaware of the cloaked person sneaking up on them, so you decided you needed to take action.

Fred was Molly’s son. If she lost him, she’d be devastated, broken beyond repair. You knew what it was like to have a child, and if you lost him, you didn’t know what you’d do. Danny was all you had and Merlin forbid anyone were to take him away from you.

As those thoughts coursed through your mind, adrenaline coursed through your veins. You watched as the Death Eater you were tracking snuck up on Fred and Percy, your wand readied as you waited with bated breath for the two to move out of the way. However, as the man approached, the brothers didn’t move. Your whole body was itching with anxieties, your eyes flickering towards the shadows. But as the man raised his wand, you couldn’t wait any longer; there were human lives at stake, one of which just happened to be your ex boyfriend.

“Fred, Percy! Get down!” you shouted as you revealed yourself from your hiding space. 

The Death Eater was distracted by your declaration, pausing in his mission to cast the spell. Fred, too, was distracted by your presence, leading to Percy dragging him onto the ground alongside himself. As soon as they were clear, you shot a spell at a pillar beside the man, the cracked tiles crashing down on his legs, trapping him underneath. He let out a shrill cry of pain, his face contorting into something awful that made you almost sorry for him. However, you didn’t want to take the risk that he was the devil in disguise, putting on an act just to garner sympathy from you.

“Stupefy!” you cried, freezing the man in his place.

As soon as the area was clear, you pocketed your wand and ran to the Weasley brothers. You slid onto the ground beside Percy, helping him up.

“Lovely to see you again, (Y/N),” he commented. 

You cringed but put on your best smile. “Been a long time, Percy.”

You recalled the last time you’d seen the stern boy, the one time that Fred took you home for the holidays. His family had welcomed you in open arms and made you quite jealous; your family wasn’t so affectionate.

When you got kicked out of your own house at 18, you weren’t really shocked. Your mother had never truly approved of you and Fred so she had been expecting something of that “sinful nature” for years now. 

When she had kicked you out, you couldn’t even gather most of your things as you found her burning them in the backyard in an old fire pit. You were only slightly shocked that time. Your mother had a saying: put all your troubles on a burning pile because when it’s all lit up, you’ll start to smile. That saying, of course, wasn’t true, nor did you think she took the meaning literally. When you walked outside to speak with her one last time— a regretful decision, you knew— her tears were illuminated on her cheeks from the flames that kissed her.

“You look good, seeing as how you helped Fred and I narrowly escape death, so thanks again for that.” Percy glanced down at Fred, kicking him with his foot. “Suppose you want to hear it from him, too.”

You half expected Fred to say something smart or, at the very least, notice that it was you who saved his life but he didn’t say anything. Come to think of it, he didn’t even move. 

Your heart stopped beating in your chest. You fell to your knees, hovering over Fred’s lifeless body. No, no! You were supposed to be saving him! What did you do?

“Oh, Merlin,” whispered Percy, his pale skin turning even paler. He, too, sank to his knees, shaking Fred’s body. “Oh, shit. Fred! This isn’t funny! Wake up, please!”

As a parent, you had to be aware of your surroundings at all times. Danny was rarely out of your sight, and if he ever got hurt you knew the play by play of what happened. That little skill came in great use as you stared at Fred’s body in the patch of rubble.

“He wasn’t hit,” you assured Percy, “this is shock.” You held your middle and pointer fingers close together, pressing them under his jaw in search of his pulse. As soon as you felt the soft beating against the pads of your fingers, you let out a happy gasp.

“What is it? What are you doing?” Percy scrambled to replicate your actions, pushing your hand aside and replacing it with his.

“That’s his heartbeat. It’s faint but it’s there. We need to take him to the Great Hall so he can get patched up.”

Percy let out a relieved sigh, tears falling down his cheeks carelessly. With the sparks that were being shot from outside the castle, it illuminated his face just right so that it reminded you of your mother. In his hands was Fred— your problem— and the glaring reality became apparent that you desperately wanted to run away from it.

With the wards down at Hogwarts, you could apparate inside the castle. Unable to pick Fred up, you and Percy pushed him up against a wall, his head drooping onto his chest and back slouched. 

“I’ll meet you in the Great Hall, if that’s okay?” Percy asked. You frowned. “I want to check on George, he’s been missing for a bit.”

“Yeah, go check on your brother, I can take care of Fred.” The words left a sour taste in your mouth but you couldn’t help but feel a familiar sense of warmth blossom in your chest as his name rolled off your tongue.

You reluctantly slid up next to him and slung his arm around your shoulder before apparating away. When you arrived in the Great Hall, nobody even realized you were there. You let Fred rest against a wall while you tracked down Pomfrey, who was hurriedly mixing some salve together, an unpleasant earthy aroma drifting your way.

“Madam Pomfrey, Madam Pomfrey!” You waved your hand wildly in the air, the color draining from her face at the sight of Fred behind you.

“Oh, Godric.” The words escaped her lips like a dying man’s last breath as she ran up to you two.

You took her wrist and ducked to meet her eyes, shaking your head. “He’s not dead, he’s just unconscious.”

Pomfrey gripped at her apron as she let out a shaky sigh. She lifted her head up to the sky, hoping that Merlin himself would dry her eyes. Once she had regained composure, she chuckled slightly at the insanity of the situation.

“Unconscious,” she repeated, pointing at you, “that’s something I can fix. Help me get him to that cot right there, dear.”

You nodded and helped Pomfrey drag him to the sheet on the ground right beside you. She rifled through her apron, the many pockets holding vials of wonders. 

“I haven’t seen you in quite some time, Miss (Y/L/N),” Pomfrey noted. She paused, her eyes flickering up at you for just a moment. “Or is it missus, now?”

You flexed your hand in silent rage— you hated those questions. “No, I’m not married, but I appreciate your concern.”

Pomfrey frowned slightly, her eyes moving down towards your stomach before drifting back towards her pockets. She whispered a quiet “aha!” and pulled a long tube full of amber liquid out, uncorking and pouring it into Fred’s limp mouth.

You sank onto the floor beside Fred, resting your back against the wall. Pomfrey looked at you like a mother staring at a lost child. You finally met her gaze, brows knit together.

“How’s your kid?” she asked.

Your eyes flitted to Fred; he was still asleep. “He’s good. He’s safe. Staying with a muggle neighbor at her flat for the time being.”

“He?”

“Yeah, Daniel— Danny. He hates when I call him Daniel.”

A reluctant grin tugged at the corners of your lips. You reached into your pocket, pulling out a wallet-sized, moving photo of you and your son. He was a small boy with fiery ginger hair and loads of freckles covering his face. You spun him around before shrugging him onto your back, him hiding his laughter into your hair.

Pomfrey snorted. She glanced between the photo in her delicate hands, the sleeping boy beside you, and your sunken eyes. “He takes after his father.”

You pocketed the photo, scoffing. “He doesn’t need to know that.”

“Mr. Weasley or Danny?”

“Both.”

Pomfrey shook her head but not truly disapproving of you. You avoided her stare and your eyes happened to get caught on a person waving, causing Pomfrey to turn around as well. She nodded, understanding that they were beckoning her. “Would you stay here with him? I need to care for some others.”

“Won’t be a problem.”

She nodded a quick thanks before scurrying off to the other side of the Great Hall. 

And then you were alone with Fred.

Your eyes roved over his body, mentally taking pictures of how he changed. No matter how hard you tried, the images of Fred the night before he left were seared in your mind. He looked different, like he’d seen things he never intended to. His eyes had a slight depth to them and his skin coarse with dirt.

You didn’t really mean to, but your heart has a funny way of dictating things. You reached your hand out, linking your pinky with his. As soon as you touched, you felt a spark in your chest. No sooner did you touch him than you jumped away.

Your mother might have been right. Problems need to be thrown away because there was no other way that you’d escape them. You needed not to feel such a thing— you were supposed to hate Fred— but a simple touch disproved that.

You spotted every member of the Weasley family at the other end of the hall, their eyes scanning the room for Fred. You looked down at your ex, a sense of sympathy tugging at your heart as you slipped out of the Great Hall unnoticed, leaving Fred to be in the care of people who actually loved him, or at least could admit it.

You needed to burn every memory, every thought, every feeling that was Fred Weasley. Because if you didn’t burn them, he’d be the death of you.

●●●

“It’s rare, Danny,” you began, dotting every freckle that lined his arms, “but some people just don’t have dads. They weren’t born with them.”

“But Ethan has a dad and he also only lives with his mum!” 

He yanked his arm away from you, an oncoming tantrum arriving. You sighed, tugging him closer to you and brushing his unruly hair with your fingers.

“But we’re special,” you whispered, “some people don’t have dads because they don’t need them.”

His displaced anger mellowed, his wide, amber eyes staring up at you, full of hope. “So we don’t need a dad?”

“No, we don’t need a dad, so we don’t have one.”

You never thought that you could do it, but you had; you had erased Fred Weasley from your life. It was then you knew that your mother was right: seeing everything you had with him burn into ashes really did make you smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist:  @whiz-bangs78 @the-romanian-is-bae @witch-and-a-half @pineapplesandpinas @bellaiscool​ @gsvshsjsbs

[bondsmagii]

I’m rereading Vicious and after knowing everything about Vengeful everything that Eli did on vicious makes so much sense.

The first time I read Vicuous I always wondered what exactly went through Eli’s head, what was he thinking? When he looked for Victor when Victor was about to replicate his experiment? Was Eli concerned about Victor or was Eli was acting for selfish reasons? What was he thinking and feeling after he got his powers? What was he thinking when Victor attacked him and why was he so quick to think Victor was a devil in disguise? What was his last thought when he was about to become an Eo and how does it relate to healing? What was his thought process when he was trying to give up his life to god and when he decided that killing EOS was the “right” thing to do?

And after reading Vengeful everything becomes so much clearer, his last thought was probably about how he wanted to be “healed and saved” he internalized so some much religious trauma that it affected the way he acted and his thogught porcess, he witnessed his mother suicide on a bathtub and that’s probably why he chose that method both times before and after becoming an EO, his father used to beat him as a kid because he supposedly “had the devil in him” and he does feels like one through his life, doing his best to act as “normal” as possible.

His mother death also explains why he was so worried about Victor and even in the first book Eli talks very fondly of him even referring to him as his best friend and he explains to Serena he thinks Victor died and something sinister replaced him after becoming an EO and this conclusion although rash, it make sense he would try to rationalize and in a way justify the awful things that Victor did after turning into an EO.

And even in vengeful he started imagining Victor to kept him company when he was going through hell, he admits to himself that Victor was the only person who ever truly “saw” him and understood him, pretty much confirming that the “rivalry” Victor and Eli had was mostly one-sided and Eli really did loved him and consider him his best friend.

This also explains his weird behavior towards Victor when Vic himself was trying to turn himself into an EO, Eli witnessed his mother death and probably didn’t wanted the same to happen to Victor after Eli himself almost died trying to recreate it.

The first book also explains that he tried to take his life a second time after Victor got arrested begging for God to take away his power if it had been a mistake, he seemed to externalize all of this negative experience and feelings through his purpose of exterminating the EOS because he sincerely believed that was the right thing to do, his faith although horribly used and mishandled seemed to be genuine based on how we was him literally begging to god to take his life back if everything had been a mistake.

Everyone one of his actions seem to be driven by his childhood and religious trauma and it’s incredible sad to me, he wan’t a sociopath or a psychopath he was just very broken and delusional individual.

And his experience with Serena who forced herself into him also didn’t helped the whole “EOS are devils in disguise” perspective , even since I read the first book (when I didn’t knew anything about Eli yet) I was very repulsed by what Serena was doing to him, to the point that even though I greatly disliked Eli at first I kind of hated Serena more for what she was doing to him. I am also a little disappointed in how the fandom barely acknowledges that what Serena did to Eli was incredibly wrong and messed up.

I have already said this, but the fandom seems to treat Eli very unkindly, they brush over all of his story and just label him as a “sociopath” or “psychopath” barely understanding and completely missing the point of why he behaved the way that he did.

I don’t mind if people hate his character, I did so at first, but the way everyone brush over all of his trauma and the way people completely misinterpreted his character and actions don’t set up right with me.

It’s a little surprising how people can praise Serena, Victor and Marcella despite their awful actions while they hate on Eli for the same reason, overall Eli seems to have been the one to receive the shorter end of the stick by the fandom.

honestly I've read this so many times because you're so right and it's such a relief to know that somebody else out there is capable of critical thinking skills lmao. I think the problem with people's response to Eli is that they think his backstory is an excuse, when in actual fact it's an explanation. go figure, kids who grow up in abusive households will turn into adults with a boatload of issues, and some of those issues are more likely than not going to cause harm of their own. it's totally possible to be both a victim and someone who causes harm; yes, Eli thinks he's in the right, but his actions are still wrong. it's possible to understand both of these things and it's possible to still like his character and sympathise with him, while still understanding that damn, he maybe needs to chill on the serial killing.

it wouldn't bother me as much if people didn't think that Victor was absolutely innocent. people seem to revere him, and it's because in the narrative he's set up as Eli's opposite. the whole point of the story is that there's no good men in the game, but because Victor wants to stop Eli, people see him as the good guy and overlook how cruel he was to Eli throughout their entire friendship, and also how cruel he is to the others. (Mitch is probably the only one there of his own free will. Sydney was an injured 12-year-old child when Victor picked her up, and he did so only because she had information that he wanted -- his first thought was to torture it out of her, but when she gave it willingly and kind of hero-worshipped him in the way a neglected child would hero-worship their saviour, he decided she could stay. Dominic is there by force, because he's a disabled man in constant chronic agony that Victor fixes with his EO abilities, and if he does something to displease Victor or leaves him, Victor has threatened to bring the pain back even worse.) people rewrite both Eli and Victor's personalities to fit this, with Eli being cast as this unfeeling psychopath and Victor the person standing up to his evil, and in actual fact Eli is absolutely not a psychopath -- he's a traumatised adult recovering from a highly abusive childhood -- and Victor is not standing up to evil; he's settling a score. a score he kind of started in the first place, by being a jealous asshole towards Eli's thesis, trying to dominate it because his own sucked, seeking glory off the back of Eli's hard work, and then when he succeeded in his goals and became an EO, immediately murdering Eli's girlfriend and torturing Eli because he was jealous Eli's idea was correct. like, Victor Vale is a little bitch, on god. the reason it ended like this was because he was a god-awful friend to Eli, who was literally Victor's only true friend because he was the only person who would put up with him. go figure that the only person who could deal with Victor's behaviour was a grown abused child. nobody who hadn't been indoctrinated into believing that behaviour was acceptable would ever voluntarily deal with Victor.

literally every decision and action Eli takes can be traced back to his trauma, but go figure that nobody on this website can treat trauma with the nuance it deserves. people on this site seem to think that if you're traumatised you're always innocent and vulnerable; if anyone acts outside of this idea, they're written off. I take Eli's treatment very personally because I've seen people quite literally do this to real life people, myself included. because I wasn't a quiet, easy-to-deal-with traumatised person, I got all kinds of shit. it's the exact same with Eli. because he acts badly, because he does bad things, people seek to dehumanise him and set him aside because he apparently makes abuse survivors look bad or whatever -- when in actual fact acting badly is a very common response among abuse survivors, because we were brought up in an environment where that was normal and we don't know otherwise. not to mention the fact that the kind of mental illness Eli shows -- PTSD, mainly -- has many symptoms that make for unpleasant actions. it's not a crime to show the impact these things have, but people take it so personally. I've even seen people say it's ableist to portray characters like Eli because it gives people with trauma or mental illness a bad name, but no. that's literally not how it works. people with trauma and people with mental illness act badly, they fuck up, they can abuse people, sometimes they do harm or even kill people. ignoring this isn't going to get us anywhere, and if anything's ableist, it's looking at a clearly traumatised, mentally ill person and saying that he's a psychopath and evil and irredeemable. like, come on.

Eli didn't catch a single break for his whole life. everyone he's ever met has abused him horribly. you don't have to like him, but the people who can look at this and see nothing sympathetic about him? genuinely I don't trust them.

[emersonfreepress]

What would the ro's be like in a zombie au?

whyyyyy anon whyyy. I'm actually gonna write this in like.. slightly different terms, you'll see. any time I even briefly think of a zombie au I'm just like

I WANNA WRITE IT SO BADDD

i don't even allow myself to entertain it for very long because getting into that would be the worst thing ever for my productivity with the alpha omg 😂😂 so I'll put like the ideas that pop into my head for writing a zombie au, to work some of that creative frustration out 😆

so in this very general, absolutely noncommittal idea of mine, the main cast are older and the setting is in and around a civilian settlement led by the Emersons.

and as a refresher, i like my zombie aus to have fast zombies and fast infections ^ ^ 28 Days Later/Train to Busan style babyyyy, we the Sprinting Dead up in this bitch 😆

= = =

Gabe is, predictably, looking for what's left of his family. Following rumors of safe havens and bunkers and such. Starts the story as someone who tries to be diplomatic, if not outright pacifist, but as times get tougher and resources dwindle, he'd become one of the most cutthroat motherfuckers in the wasteland. Low-key though, low-key. People won't trust you if they know you’re capable of throwing them to a horde for strategic reasons. Like if Rick turned into Shane (for those of us familiar with early Walking Dead--idk did that happen eventually? i gave up before we even met Negan lol). The end justifies the means :) Damn, I can legit see Gabe going full evil in a zombie au omg 😂😂 i want to write it so fucking bad

Preferred weapon for zed encounters: rifle

Preferred weapon for human encounters: handgun

Faith in humanity: fucking zero

Zombie kill count: plenty; the type to kill every zombie he has spare ammo and time for

Human kill policy: When it benefits him or the people he’s looking after

Survival rating: B+; he can make it out of some pretty dire situations through sheer will to live and ruthlessness

- - -

Kile has arrived--clearly, this is the timeline they belong in. They start their journey with Gabe (and their doggo) and stick to him like glue, even reluctantly so when Gabe eventually has them join the settlement. This can only go one way, though: Kile's just too much of a wildcard for the group and hates being told what to do. (Especially now that society has fallen, wtf) They'd make their exit alone and unannounced aside from a brief head’s up to Gabe. It's slightly bittersweet, but also? They get to loot and hunt and sneak around and kill fucking zombies, all by themself. Kile is a loner, a hiker, and a hunter to begin with so they do beyond fine on their own. However, once the inevitable violent human threat comes for the settlement, Gabe is sent out to convince Kile to come out of isolation, just this once please, to be the camp’s super soldier help defend the camp.

Zed weapon: p much anything they can get their hands on, ranged or melee, blunt or sharp, w/e; improvised weapons

Human weapon: hunting knife

Faith in humanity: never had any to begin with

Zombie kill count: lol infinite?? any zed they come across is double-dead if they have the time for it

Human kill policy: at Gabe’s direction or when provoked enough/threatened

Survival rating: A-; they trust no one, live in isolation, and prioritize survival above all else. only reason it’s not higher is they would risk their life for Gabe or their furbaby and also... their own Rambo-esque antics def attracts the occasional horde lmao

- - -

Jack... this poor boy, he doesn't deserve a zombie au 😂 He's one of those people that first believes zombies are just sick people, too squeamish to keep up with TV news coverage at the onset and too upset to consider anything else. He'd hunker down at home, staying holed up even while his neighbors evacuated, and probably be discovered while the main group is looting the same place as him. When people try to tell him the real state of the world, he'd be in denial until he absolutely couldn't be anymore. idk, probably after Kile shooting a bunch of non-lethal holes thru a zombie to make a point (attracting more in the process lol).

He’d almost immediately join the medical team at the settlement and as word spreads about how easy he is to talk to, he quickly becomes the literal on-site therapist. It's a role he embraces but... idk if it's an emotional burden he can bear. He's very emotionally resilient! But he ain't a professional lol imagine a whole settlement of traumatized zombie survivors seeking you out for counseling, yikes. He also can't say no to a person in need, so instead he quietly spirals into a very private depression while continuing to help others!!

Zed weapon: Oh gosh, do I really have to?

Human weapon: ...Kindness?

Faith in humanity: Unrealistically high

Zombie kill count: Single digit

Human kill policy: Not ever, unless completely unavoidable and to defend the defenseless

Survival rating: C...? idk, that feels generous. D+. To be protected at all costs!!

- - -

Jessie also had the initial reaction of hoping zombies could be saved, but she woke up from that dream swiftly. The science-minded person that she is, esp with her interest in biology, leaves her determined to find anybody who's got the intellect, expertise, and resources to start doing actual work toward a treatment, cure, vaccine—anything. Nothing would get her to finally unabashedly embrace her love of science (and innate leadership skills!!) faster than a zombie apocalypse! In fact, it’s thanks to her that the Emerson settlement’s got a small but growing team of scientists doing as much research as humanly possible to best educate the others on the outbreak and zombie behavior. Def no zombie experimentation going on though lol. ...Not yet, at least.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: rifle

Faith in humanity: High! We’ll find a solution! Don’t give up hope!

Zombie kill count: Double digits, but less than 30

Human kill policy: Only in unavoidable self-defense or defense of others

Survival rating: B! She has experience with ranged weapons, farming and gardening skills, first aid, camping experience, and a can-do attitude with a healthy dose of realism!

- - -

Rain remains cargo as I said in the last post about this 😆 They'd be very good for keeping clothes repaired and making useful modifications in the settlement, but their life up to this point has been very sheltered and privileged. We're talking somebody with a chauffeur and a personal chef before the outbreak! They would contribute to quality of life and homemaking efforts more than anything—an overlooked aspect of these scenarios tbh! After as many months of dragging their feet as possible and being nigh impossible to track down when you need them, they eventually become involved in meal planning and even help out with medical stuff if they're asked.

Zed weapon: how do you reload this thing again?

Human weapon: switchblade or other concealable sharp-pointy

Faith in humanity: Very low

Zombie kill count: 0! Can you believe it!

Human kill policy: Well if it’s you or me, of course I’m choosing me.

Survival rating: C. Being so tiny helps them find good hiding spots and their self-preservation is high enough to keep them from unnecessary risk-taking. Plus they're very stealthy! Self-defense is a major issue though, so hiding is always their best option.

- - -

Rupan/Rohan scouts for and leads scavenging missions and is Curt's right hand on the recruitment team. The two of them together are the perfect combo of diplomacy, debate, and deception--although R is more honorable about the last one and will only deceive for strategic reasons. When they aren’t looting and recruiting, they’re doing peacekeeping inside the settlement. Most social disputes end up getting brought to them for mediation and they’re pretty dang good at making and enforcing calls. One day they’ll wake up to realize they’ve basically become a sheriff and feel the need to puke their guts up and do something, anything, to reassure themself they’re still punk 😂

Zed weapon: SMG

Human weapon: shotgun

Faith in humanity: Believes in fundamental goodness but knows better than to trust first impressions

Zombie kill count: decent, more than 40; you won’t catch them having a field day tho, they’re trying to gtfo of most zed situations

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. And they aren’t, at all, immune to a revenge rampage either...

Survival rating: B-. Can handle themself both with humans and zeds but is vulnerable to hostage situations and truly difficult sentimental/interpersonal decisions!

- - -

Vivian/Vincent manages inventory and stock and they run it so efficiently it’s scary! They're the perfect pick: a hawk-eyed tyrant and tattletale 😂 Despite constantly butting heads with just about everyone on every imaginable thing, they quickly become an important part of the inner circle of decision-makers for the settlement at large. Terrible at stealth, jumpy, and squeamish at the sight of blood and gore, they literally never go on missions unless they're 100% needed for their expertise on a supply run. (They would deny all of these shortcomings are that big a problem, meanwhile R is definitely acting as their bodyguard lol.) When they do tag along, they're prone to becoming the damsel in distress. Seriously, it happens near every fucking time. It's like they just attract only the most improbable and perilous zombie attacks and hostage situations 😆

Zed weapon: shotgun

Human weapon: handgun

Faith in humanity: Medium; seeing people work together at the settlement helps restore it a bit

Zombie kill count: Double digits, under 25

Human kill policy: Violent threats have to be taken out. Well, no, not by me! Get one of the ruffians to do it!

Survival rating: C-. They’d be higher if they weren’t such natural zombie bait.

- - -

Heidi is running the settlement, well-organized to the degree of actually managing to bring bureaucracy to a post-zombie apocalypse settlement 😂 People are free to come and go, but getting in if you don't live there requires trading something of value (fuel, med supplies, food, etc), temporary surrender and registry of firearms and explosives, and you gotta GTFO at the time and date specified upon entry! You can stay long-term if you contribute to the community in a tangible way—and each person admitted is approved by Heidi personally. Yes, every individual. No, she has no free time. And she is not known to be lenient with rule breakers—you want rule bending, you’ll have to go to Curt for that. People kind of hate her, but it can't be denied that she runs a tight ship. She kind of throws herself into the work to avoid the harsher reality at large and hasn't left the settlement in a long time. She's out of touch with how bad things have gotten in the wastes, but she knows better than to take reports at anything less than face value--even when she's skeptical.

Zed weapon: rifle

Human weapon: handgun; dagger

Faith in humanity: Medium. It fluctuates, honestly

Zombie kill count: Double digits, less than 20

Human kill policy: Violent threats must be taken out if they can’t be reasoned with. Spare those who surrender, eradicate those who don't, keep an eye on the newbies. Not tryin’ to nurse any vendettas around here lol

Survival rating: B. She's good with a firearm, masterful at persuasion, and savvy enough to calculate risks appropriately. Also far tougher than her prim exterior and demeanor suggests!

- - -

Curt leads the recruitment and reconnaissance teams! When a new person or group shows up in the area, Curt's the one who stalks watches them, decides if they're worth approaching, and if they should be approached with an invitation, a simple acknowledgment/announcement of their presence, or an outright armed warning to leave the area. He also keeps tabs on morale and general confidence inside the settlement, alongside R. When he isn’t leading those efforts, though, he’s flirting with settlers and squirreling his way out of manual labor and other chores. He’s also secretly growing weed at his place--don’t tell Heidi or Vi ‘cause they’ll wanna yell at him and ration it UGH.

Zed weapon: SMG, explosives

Human weapon: handgun, dagger

Faith in humanity: Pft, sorry, what now?

Zombie kill count: ...way more than you’d expect

Human kill policy: I don’t start confrontations, but I sure as fuck end them.

Survival rating: A! He’s good at playing hapless idiot when it suits him to be underestimated, good with firearms, and capable of being ruthless and decisive in life or death situations! Plus he has no qualms about ditching the settlement if he decides it’s not working out for him. Just don’t tell Heidi lol

[handlewithkara]

Thanks, I hate it

So, I was trying to rewatch season 3 again and wow, I remembered why I hate it (and particularly 3B) so much. Maybe hate is the wrong word. There is good things in there. Things I can appreciate. 

But I feel like my biggest gripe with it, more than shipping, more than characterization is that it is really hard to watch a show when you very fundamentally disagree with a position the show takes. 

And I think I knew that that was going to be the case I think from the moment Mon-El has his revealing conversation with J’onn in 3x13. J’onn is a character we are supposed to like, so it was pretty clear to me, that in this case, the position he took in this conversation was a position the show takes. 

Here is goes: Supergirl Season 3 firmly takes the position that it is the morally right thing for Mon-El to do is to not tell Kara that he has feelings for her. 

(the show also takes the position that it is honorable of Kara not to tell Lena her secret identity, situations that are paralleled on occasion. I think the situations are somewhat different, but still think that in both cases the position of the show is questionable or at least something I really disagree with)

First: What I think they were trying to achieve with this

1.) One of Mon-El's character flaws was arguably lack of restraint. Showing him holding back on telling Kara shows that he has matured. 

In this area I feel like the biggest disagreement is likely one of taste. If one likes Mon-El, one might argue that yes, lack of restraint and consideration was a character trait and flaw of Mon-El's, but "curing" him of this flaw arguably makes him at lost less entertaining as a character. 

The other problem is that Mon-El still has certain moments which the show itself characterizes as lack of consideration. Seems kind of late for him to still be learning this lesson on the fly? Rather than just struggling with it? Still, one can argue the fact that he was struggling with this issue on a relatively high level is a way of showing that he has changed a lot and is in a very different place. 

2.) Telling Kara about his feelings while she is still hurting and confused especially when he is unsure himself, yes would arguably be shitty. 

Now, this I partly get. When Mon-El comes back Kara is in a lot of emotional pain, she is distraught, she is confused, she is dealing with a lot. 

If at this point Mon-El goes to her and tells her that he's still into her (but there is still a chance that he still wants to honor his commitment to Imra more) that would cause her a lot of additional pain. 

Not that I think it would have changed a lot in how Kara would react or how much would have happened between them, but the same decisions would likely have caused her a lot of additional anguish. That would have been jerking her around and playing with her feelings by my defintion of things and in that case, I agree, he shouldn’t tell her.

Getting her hopes up just to leave again would so not be cool. 

3.) Talking to Kara about how he is struggling too might hamper their ability to fight Reign.

Now granted, this is just my personal feelings, as this wasn't really a topic that the show brought up itself. Still, this is something I could at least picture being a concern for these characters, that they want to put their feelings aside till Reign is defeated. (and in a way... that is what happens on the show, Karamel start getting a lot shippier in the time when they mistakenly think Reign has been defeated)

Second: Why I think it's wrong

The show over and over goes over the concept that it is wrong to tell somebody the truth just to make yourself feel better. And I keep thinking... why?

I agree with the concept that it is morally wrong to cause pointless pain to Kara by telling her. The thing is ... is it really pointless?

I fully agree that if Mon-El had fessed up to her at some point late into the season, it would have temporarily made Kara's life more confusing... but .... wouldn't that be worth it? Simply in the interest of things being more honest between and the information being out there?

And why isn't "it would make Mon-El feel better and lift a weight off his shoulders" a totally legit and fair outcome? Why does that have to be cast as "that's selfish and so he should never do that"?

I can maybe get that in the beginning when Kara is still super raw and emotional, but later on? Kara is a strong person, with a great support system. And I get that it's immoral to draw her into messy marriage issues.

But I don't see how just telling Kara what his emotional state is does that. He could just tell her "I'm really struggling too, but I'm trying to hold it together. This is hard for me in particular because I’m dealing with a lot of additional political weight being placed on my shoulders".

And yes I can envision a world where that makes communication between them even harder and it makes fighting Reign harder. But I still think it would be worth it for the benefit of things being more honest between them. And I would have said that both characters are emotionally strong enough that they could handle it.

Third: Why I’m beginning to think that they genuinely believed that

You know, for the longest time I thought, okay, maybe they just disliked Mon-El and wanted to get rid of him, so maybe they gave him a shitty story and that's all there is too it.

But the longer things go on, the more I get the impression. OMG they were actually serious about that?

In season 3, they draw strong parallels between it being honorable of Mon-El not to tell Kara and it being honorable of Kara not to tell Lena her identity. This is most explicit in The Fanatical where Mon-El says exactly that in a traditional "he gives advice about Lena, but he's actually talking about himself" scene.

Well, if you tell [her] the truth, you'd be doing it to make yourself feel better, not her. So maybe, in this case, it's, uh... Not telling her the truth is the noble thing. It's a sacrifice you're making to protect her.

(Bless Chris Wood, I think he looks entirely unconvinced by his own dialogue here)

Fast forward to episode 100. The big anniversary episode. The one that celebrates Kara and her influence on people. And this episode is full of people assuring Kara that her motivations were noble AND it ends with Kara embracing this point of view and putting her foot down (and no, I don't think that the writers intend to take that back and portray that as Kara misunderstanding something when this is the big celebration episode)

Executing The Premise

Either way. The whole season consisted of people preaching to Mon-El that he shouldn't tell. So Mon-El tries to do the right thing and keep his feelings mostly close to his vest.

And then it just ends!!!!

I'm sorry, this just feels wrong. It feels like there is something missing. Like either Mon-El should be rewarded for holding back (either by him realizing that loves the future best anyway (instead ... the opposite of that happened) or him actually getting a better chance with Kara somewhere in the future when the circumstances are better). Or in lieu of that, a storyline that makes it explictly clear that Mon-El was being a dumbass, did exactly the wrong thing and that is what costs him his chance with Kara. Except that didn't happen either.

Instead he disappear uncommented into nothingness and the only other glimpse we see of him is till an episode that actually doubles down on the message of 3B.

Summation

So my deep, fundamental gripe with season 3 is that I just deeply, deeply disagree with the central thesis the season puts forth (keeping things from people is not just understandable and excusable, but actually morally good) THE SHOW DIDN'T EVEN DELIVER PROPERLY ON THE STAKES AND MORAL STANDARDS THEY BUILT UP.

That's why season 3 was frustrating and hard to get connected to on multiple levels when it comes to these central story tenants. You have these characters discussing and debating and going back and forth and here I’m sitting, watching them and going “Yes, but this moral conundrum is stupid” (I had this reaction during pretty much any Mon-El scenes in regards to telling the truth and during any of the Kara and Lena arguments). I think even if the show had told a "clean" story with their premise, I still would have been sour on it when I just so fundamentally disagree with the premise on a personal level.

And that is in addition to the entertainment level of "I just don't think that it's very entertaining to watch characters who are constantly holding back to be heroic and moral and honorable" (compared to holding back for personal reasons like insecurity, something that is way more interesting because that is compelling characterization a lot of the time and casts telling the truth as characters facing their fears or seeing things weren’t as bad as they imagined it). 

I disliked that honorable holding back in Kara/James and I disliked it again in season 3. [yes I think it’s marginally better set up in season 3 simply because Karamel had an actual relationship as the basis rather than just the potential of a flirtation, Mimra were married and there was a political reason why it had to stay that way rather than Lucy in the end being just a nice girlfriend/boyfriend relationship ... but just because it is a slightly more solid version of that trope doesn’t change that that trope is bad and boring to me]

Look, this isn't about morals. This isn't about me thinking the show would have been better if Kara would have thrown herself at James in season 1. It's just that those stories are (to me) fundamentally boring to watch and there was a reason why I preferred the chaotic back and forth of season 2 Karamel. So in a way, I felt fundamentally betrayed by the story even without the ending, because to me the season betrayed a lot about what I liked about Karamel in season 2 and made them more like Kara/James whose story I often did not care for for a reason. I'm not claiming that season 3 was devoid of good things, outside of Karamel or within (and I will try to make posts on that), but in regards to Karamel, a lot of these things were new areas, new themes or side aspects compared to what their strongest threads were in season 2.(for what it’s worth, I think the normal, “soapy” way to tell this story would have been not that Mon-El tells, but that Mon-El keeps it quiet, but somebody else blabs out the truth and Kara finds out anyway and is initally mad at Mon-El. Would still have been a cop out compared to how I see this conflict, but it would have been a more normal story compared to “everybody tells Mon-El not to tell and he mostly doesn’t”)

But I can put my shipper values aside. I can try to appreciate a story for its craftsmanship or for what it is trying to do even if things don't go my way. But it's really hard to get invested in a show if you just don't see eye to eye with one of the core themes the show proposes.

And that’s why I have a lot of animosity left towards this aspect of season 3. 

[magnetothehedgehog]

Dabi's Decision (Warning spoilers!)

To start off again, spoilers for bnha so don't read if you don't wanna be spoiled for future anime/manga stuff

Oml I'm literally CRYING over this Dabi reveal rewrite I was thinking about recently

The Shoto Family Crisis is something that really hits home for me as I have personaly experience dealing with those type of people (cough cough ENDEAVOR COUGH)

But first I gotta talk about whats actually happening before my idea

But as much respect as I had for Dabi as a villain character and even for the first few moments as Todoroki's brother, from what I have seen from a translation of the reveal here on tumblr I was really disappointed. Like yes It could just have been the translation since i haven't seen all of the offical thing, but I getthe feeling thats not the case.

All that respect for Dabi goes away when he made his argument. He basically said "Dad was mean to me so I killed off a bunch of random innocent people who have done me no wrong for no good reason but LOOK *points at endeavor* he drove me to this. He made me do it."

Like somebody near him is gonna comedically slap him and say "Bad endeavor! >:cc"

This isn't to downplay Touya's trauma, it was real and probably the harshest since he was the first experiment and also considered the first failure. He ended up so ghosted that his own family thought he was dead.

But when he hurts other innocent people for his own goals JUST like his father did, not only is he ending up just like him, he is playing right into his hands. Endeavor wants someone to surpass him, someone to pass down his legacy of strength and ruthlessness, however it happens. Actually its quite the norm for toxic people to try and pass on their behaviors, try to clone themselves on the next generation.

Even with endeavors supposed redemption arc, the effects his decisions have on the past don't change, as this event was supposed to help solidify.

Honestly its the worst way to get back at Endeavour and you just end up being just like the abuser. Why is it such a common trope that "if I was abused by someone, Let me go do the same thing to someone else who literally has never tried to hurt me in my life?" Notice how they never target the abuser, they just seek to abuse someone else, thus continuing the cycle. The stupidest part of Touya's argument is that he is trying to make it seem like its endeavor who made him choose these actions.

But thats the thing. It was STILL Touya's choice to make. And yeah it sucks, often times an abuser will use this fact to their advantage, but when it comes down to it, Touya made the choice to do wrong. It's not like endeavor said "Yo kill these 5 people with your fire power to prove your worth or I burn your skull yeah?"

He made the choice to hurt multiple people who had hope and a future like he once did.

He made a choice that led to him becomong the next abuser, and becoming as delusional as the person who abused him.

But lets say things go different from how its currently going down in the Manga. Here'ss my idea: where it takes place I could care less but lets use the same place the canon did, the theater

But imagine Dabi reveals himself to Endeavor, the crowd and Todoroki and reveals who he is, Touya. He then goes on to revealing Endeavors little experiment and how he used all his family just to live out his dream of surpassing the symbol of peace and having someone stronger than him so he could live vicariously through him.

Dabi goes on to explain as he was considered "a failure" he was cast aside and ghosted, and left distant from his other siblings Endeavour didn't want to be effected by Touya the failure.

Dabi explains how he knew no-one would listen or care about some kids who were being used and no-one would dare challenge or try to smear the reputation of the second greatest hero, so Endeavor was basically untouchable. So Dabi devised a plan

Dabi explains that by becoming a villain, he was able to train unhindered by rules and regulations that hold heroes back and the keep them from exercising their power to the fullest. He explains how he only used his flames to burn those deserving (actual crooks, slavers, other abusers maybe, looking at you overhaul) and how by having less concern for his own well being he could push past his limits.

Even though his Flesh itself burned his power grew until now it was something that could rival/surpass allmight's. Dabi then displays immense amount of power for the world to see, nearly burning up an entire mountain or something to ash. And he eas able to do this all with just 1 quirk. FIRE. For a failure he managed to do the one thing Endeavor always wanted. Be stronger than Almight, and he did it with just.FIRE.

He mocks endeavor. Look at you. Always wanted to ve number 1 but never could. Even now you are stuck in second place in your own heart. But Look now, your failure has achieved your dream. Maybe if you had shown the world the villain you showed your family you could have been number one.

"Look! Gaze upon your Son! See as the Fire chars my very Flesh!?This is it! THIS IS WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED! GAZE UPON THE WORLDS NUMBER 1!"

now that in itself is a heartbreaker and would be were maybe another fic writer would stop, but oh no, ya'll still got tears to cry so get ready

Todoroki is in shock now the only words he can make out is "Touya..."

And thats when Touya turns his attention to Todoroki "ahh...my dear Todoroki."

Touya then goes on to explain how this plan he devised was not for himself, but rather, for Todoroki and the rest of his family. He wanted the world to see endeavor for who he was and what he is, so that hopefully, his siblings could have a better future.

Touya goes on about how proud he is of Todoroki for showing how strong he was and that even though he came from people constantly making wrong decisions, he could make a right decision. Even going so far as to reject his own flames at one point.

Touya then goes into a heartfelt speech, and Tells Todoroki

"Listen. I could never tell you to join me or go down the road I took. I would never do that. The Path I took was to build the bridge to Your better tomorrow. I want you to be the best hero you can be."

"I don't want you to be the next symbol of peace or the next Allmight. I want you to live for yourself, be what you WANT to be. Because even though he may have robbed me of my future, your future is something he can never have. "

Omg 😢😭😭😭

Touya you deserved so much moreee

But thats the point.

He did, they all did. And thats what this version of Touya was trying to tell the world. Nobody knows how hard it was, the pain and suffering it took. The stress of Todoroki's body to only reject a quirk probably heavily tied to his emotions and half his whole body, but also the stress it caused from not using it, his father breathing on his neck at every waking moment trying to force him to use it.

And thats just the tip of the iceberg. Getting misinterpreted because he's so focused on defeating the real evil in his life.

Man Todoroki gets so shorthanded in both life and in writing by the author it hurts my soul. I know he has so much potential but he gets dragged down or down played by every little things, especially he who shall not be nam- BAKUGO ITS BAKUGO GAHHH

Ahem. I think I was overtaken for a single moment. Pardon me~☆

But nah none of this toddler "he made me do itttt." Angwy points 3:<

And none of that "Oh Todoroki you have forsaken meeee."

Like for real if anybody aughta know endeavor probably made up some crap lie about him Touya should, thats all that man do, I already KNOW.

And before anybody says you're being too hard on them this is why nobody wants to do redemption

Its called redemption for a reason, first off it ain't supposed to be easy befitting the cause. Second, fake or flakey redemption is the pitts and there is too much of it being sugarcoated and presented on a Platter thank youuu

Only gonna throw one more jab in here but

The Author literally told us how horrible Bakugo is by showing us he had to have amnesia and not receive one for all from the movie or he woulda kept it. They coulda had him give it back to deku, even if it was just an ego thing for him and I, who have not had a reason to respect him in the whole series, would have actually respected that and taken it as a clear sign of change.

But no. Amnesia cop out cowabunga it was.

Okay I think I got this outta my system thanks everyone.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Mulholland Drive (Lynch, 2001)

This review contains spoilers.

David Lynch's Mulholland Drive was released in recent years by the Criterion Collection, that great home video company that's probably the OG of boutique labels, known for putting out acclaimed, significant or otherwise interesting films in really nice packages. (For some reason I had been thinking they put this out only last year until I actually looked it up. I guess my sense of time has been a little warped as of late, and as much as I'd like to tie this review into pandemic-era life, the fact is other labels have captured my attention lately, as can be evidenced by my embarrassingly large and extremely shameful Vinegar Syndrome haul from their Halfway to Black Friday sale from a few months ago.) Now, nobody in 2021 is going into this movie truly blind, but if I happened to pick up the Criterion cover and perused the back, aside from the list of special features and disc specs, you'd see the below (which I grabbed off their website):

Blonde Betty Elms (Naomi Watts) has only just arrived in Hollywood to become a movie star when she meets an enigmatic brunette with amnesia (Laura Harring). Meanwhile, as the two set off to solve the second woman’s identity, filmmaker Adam Kesher (Justin Theroux) runs into ominous trouble while casting his latest project. David Lynch’s seductive and scary vision of Los Angeles’s dream factory is one of the true masterpieces of the new millennium, a tale of love, jealousy, and revenge like no other.

Now, this is a tough movie to evoke with only a blurb, but I'd say that does a pretty respectable job. I however do not own this release. What I do own is the barebones Universal DVD that was released a few months after the movie, back when going into the movie blind would have been far more likely. This is the description on the back:

This sexy thriller has been acclaimed as one of the year's best films. Two beautiful women are caught up in a lethally twisted mystery - and ensnared in an equally dangerous web of erotic passion. "There's nothing like this baby anywhere! This sinful pleasure is a fresh triumph for Lynch, and one of the best films of the year. Visionary daring, swooning eroticism and colors that pop like a whore's lip gloss!" says Rolling Stone's Peter Travers. "See it… then see it again!" (Time Out New York)

Now, the previous description probably couldn't fully capture the movie's essence, but this one makes it sound like an erotic thriller. (Could you imagine somebody going into this thinking this was like a Gregory Dark joint? I say this having seen none of his thrillers and only his hardcore movies, although I must admit an MTV-influenced Mulholland Drive starring, say, Lois Ayres is something I find extremely intriguing.) But you know what? Good for them. Among other things, this movie, with its two all-timer sex scenes, feels like one of the last hurrahs from an era when mainstream American movies could be unabashedly horny, before we were sentenced to an endless barrage of immaculately muscular bodies in spandex (stupid sexy Flanders) somehow drained of all sex appeal (god forbid somebody pop a boner...or ladyboner, let's be egalitarian here). I apologize if I'm coming off as a little gross, but having been able to barely leave the house for practically a year and a half, watching sexy movies like this is one of the few remaining thrills at my disposal. Please, this is all I have.

Now I suppose I should say something about the movie itself, but it might be a challenge given how elusive it is in certain respects (Lynch is notoriously cagey about offering interpretations of his movies) and, as a result, how heavily it's been scrutinized over the years. No doubt any analysis I offer as to the movie's overarching meaning will come off extremely dumbassed. What I will note however, is that for whatever reason, the scene I remembered most vividly is where Justin Theroux walks in on his wife with Billy Ray Cyrus, particularly the candy pink paint he dumps on her jewellery as revenge. We've been following Theroux, a movie director, as he's been having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, having had control over casting his lead actress taken from him, which he proceeds to process by taking a golf club to a windshield of his producers' car and then reacting as above when he finds his wife with the singer of "Achy Breaky Heart".

With his Dune having been notoriously tampered with by producers, I suspect there's a bit of Lynch's own experience in the scene with the producers, which plays like an entirely arbitrary set of rituals deciding the fate of his movie with no regard for his opinion or even basic logic. While I don't know how particular Dino DeLaurentiis was about his espresso, I did laugh. Now, taking the reading that the first two acts of the movie are a fantasy of Naomi Watts' character, who is revealed to be miserable and ridden with jealousy in the third act, the amount of time we spend with Theroux is maybe hard to justify. Is this perhaps her "revenge" on him, his romantic and professional success having been flushed away while he flounders in search of greater meaning to his arc? Aside from possible autobiographical interest, these scenes do play like a riff on the idea that everyone is the main character in their own story, and if the Watts and Laura Harring characters can be thought of as having merged or swap identities, then perhaps Theroux's arc is the remainder of that quotient. (Now, it's worth noting that aside from being insecure and arrogant, Theroux in this movie is a less stylish than the real Lynch. If Watts conjures the best version of herself in her dream, Lynch maybe doesn't want his dream avatar outshining him.)

Now why did the Cyrus scene stick with me all these years when other details had slipped? Mostly because I'd found it amusing, partly because of the extra specific image Lynch produces, and somewhat because of the casting of Billy Ray Cyrus. Now, I don't have any special relationship to the Cyrus' body of work, but Lynch's casting of him, with his distinct mix of bozo, dudebro and hunk, results in a very specific comedic effect. This is something Lynch does elsewhere in the movie, like when he has Robert Forster show up as a detective for a single scene. The Forster role is likely in part a leftover from the movie's origins as a TV pilot, but the effect is similar (albeit less comedic). Melissa George appears as a woman who may or may not be a replacement for Watts in some realm of reality. Other directors obviously cast actors for their screen presence and the audience's relationship to their career, but the way Lynch does it feels particularly pointed, as if he's reshaping them entirely into iconography. The effect is particularly sinister with the presence of Michael J. Anderson, with whom he worked previously on Twin Peaks, and Monty Montgomery as a mysterious cowboy who dangles the secret of the movie over Theroux's character.

Cowboys in movies are frequently heroic presences (see any number of westerns) and are otherwise innocuously stylish (I confess I've come dangerously close to ordering a Stetson hat and a pair of cowboy boots), but the presence of one here feels like a ripple in the movie's reality. A dreamy, brightly lit mystery set in Los Angeles should have no place for a cowboy. It ain't right. (It's worth noting that Lynch at one point copped to admiring Ronald Reagan for reminding him of a cowboy. Is this his expression of a changed opinion? I have no idea, but Lynch has never struck me as all that politically minded.) Neither is the hobo that appears behind the diner. Certainly hobos have made their homes behind diners, but this one's presence and the way Lynch produces him feel again like a ripple in the the movie's narrative. Jump scares are frequently knocked for being lazy and cheap devices to generate shocks, but the one here gets under your skin.

Now about the movie's look. This starts off like a noir, and the mystery plot on paper would lead you to think that's how the whole movie plays, but the cinematography is a lot brighter, with almost confection-like colours, than that would lead you to believe, at least during the daytime scenes. This is another element that likely comes from its TV origins, but it does give the movie a distinctly dreamlike, fantastical quality that a more overtly cinematic look, like the one Lynch used in Lost Highway a few years earlier, might not capture. This is one of the reasons I think this movie works better than that one, and there's also the fact that the amateur sleuthing that drives the bulk of the plot here serves as a more pleasing audience vantage point than the male anxieties that fuel the other film. I also would much rather hang out with Naomi Watts and Laura Harring than a charisma void like Balthazar Getty.

The manufactured warmth of the daytime scenes also results, like in Blue Velvet, in the nighttime scenes feeling like they're in a completely different setting, one which perhaps offers the key to unlocking the mystery, or at least revealing the phoniness of the movie's surfaces. I think of the evocative Club Silencio sequence, which comes as close as anything in the movie to laying its illusions bare. ("No hay banda.") But at times Lynch will throw in disarmingly childlike, inexplicable imagery, like the dancing couples against a purple screen in the opening, something that would seem tacky and amateurish elsewhere but feels oddly cohesive here. There are a number of directors whose work I admire for being "dreamlike", and putting them side by side they all feel quite distinct (you would never mistake a Lucio Fulci film for a Lynch), but they have the unifying idea of imbuing the tactile qualities of film with the truly irrational to really burrow into your subconscious. Other directors have made movies with some of the same elements as Mulholland Drive, but none have put them together in quite the same way.

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[leothelionsaysgrrrr]

🌹🍁🌿🌾🌺 for Silver and Rexus.

🌹 Where in the world does your OC feel most at home? Is there any reason why? If it’s not the place they were born, where were they born? Is there a certain somebody that makes them feel at home where ever they may be? What does home mean to them?

The answer is actually the same for both of them, though it takes some time before the reason is the same: The Ivory Oasis, the upscale pleasure house where Silver works. It’s a brothel, yes, but the whole point of the place is to be ridiculously comfortable. It’s lavishly furnished and impeccably maintained, and boasts a luxurious bathhouse, a natural hot spring, a beautiful courtyard with a pool, any and everything anyone could ever want to relax. The culture there is all about looking out for and taking care of each other - it’s meant to be an oasis for the workers as well as the clients. Alba, the madam, has a bit of a soft spot for taking in strays and giving them work and a free place to live and free food and access to all the nice things about the place, and both Silver and Rexus have been those strays at one point or another.

(Under the cut because I have feelings about this)

Silver - then known by his real name, Adrian - came to Minrathous from his hometown in eastern Tevinter (near Carastes) when he was 18. His father cast him and his mother out after his linea sanguinis - a coming-of-age thing for Tevinter nobles that involves what’s basically a blood magic paternity test, and is QUITE embarrassing if you were unaware that your kid is not really your kid - and rather than stay with his mother he chose to go to Minrathous on his own. None of his plans for what to do when he got there panned out, so he ended up on the streets for some time until one of the Oasis’s courtesans, Aularia, brought him there and convinced Alba to take him in.

Rexus, meanwhile, born and raised in Minrathous, was the legitimate son of noble parents, but to his father’s great dismay never manifested magic. He first came to the Oasis as a client, though he knew and had been assisted by Alba before during his own post-disowning time on the streets. Though he befriended Silver shortly after the latter became a courtesan and became an almost controversially frequent tesseratus (a client personally invited by a courtesan by gifting them special coins unique to that courtesan called tesserae that could be exchanged for their services) Rexus didn’t come to live there until 9:38, when Silver found him drunk and in despair in the Free Marches and brought him back to help with his work smuggling escaped slaves out of the Imperium and make amends for the life he’d lived before.

Silver considers Alba a highly respected and beloved mother figure, but he and Rexus are kind of each other’s person that always feels like home? There are a lot of reasons and most of the time no one really understands what exactly their relationship even is, but it comes down to a lack of pressure to be anything but themselves and just being incredibly comfortable with each other. Even if all they do is to have some drinks and talk shit with each other, it’s like kicking off your shoes at the end of the day and settling down into a cozy chair with your legs flung over the sides. They’re happy, they’re safe, they’re wanted. That’s home to them.

🍁 Where does your OC go when they need to have some time to themself? Would they ever have their own “comfort corner” filled with all the things they like? Do they have a favourite spot outside that feels like its theirs and theirs alone?

Silver takes a bath.  His bedchamber is probably more private than the bathhouse, but for Silver, ‘time to himself’ isn’t the same as ‘time alone’.  He likes time to himself.  Time to himself is sitting in a hot, lightly scented bath with a glass of wine, where he can see out into the courtyard, observing people but not necessarily interacting.  Or, it’s his morning exercises in the courtyard - again, among people, but doing his own thing and not interacting.  Time alone is being in his bedchamber with all the doors and windows shut, unable to see or hear people, just him and his thoughts.  He does not like time alone.  Aside from his bedchamber he doesn’t really claim an area of the Oasis as ‘his’, though he easily could.  He could ask to rearrange the entire place to suit his fancy and Alba would see it done, but he’d never make such an imposition.  He prefers existing among everyone else there as opposed to making them exist around him.

Rexus SEEMS like he would take the same approach and want to be around people (read: bothering them) instead of spend time alone, having been alone most of his life, but where Silver genuinely likes People in a broader sense, Rexus really doesn’t. He likes attention. Which explains why he likes Silver so much; Silver is probably the most ridiculously attentive person in existence, and he’s a frequent go-to for wind-down time. Otherwise, his time to himself changes a bit pre- and post-exile; before, ‘needing time to himself’ meant finding someone to take to bed and otherwise ignore, watching the harbor from his balcony, and drinking, a lot. After, a combination of needing to lie low and actually wanting to do and be better mean he’s a lot more comfortable with himself, by himself. He’ll still sit in a crowded tavern or find a place to chill for a while that overlooks the harbor and watch people to pass time, but he won’t feel as much of a need to interact. He’ll be more comfortable with introspection, as well, and will be able to just lay in his bed in his room at the Oasis, stare at the ceiling, and contemplate.

🌿 What way does your OC show that they care without using words? What way do others show your OC that they’re cared about without using speech?

(I’m only answering this one for Silver because someone else asked it about Rexus and you have to share :P)

Like I said in the previous answer, Silver is a consummate caregiver and therefore ridiculously attentive. He’s always on the lookout for things he can do, needs he can meet. He’ll bring things like drinks, snacks, blankets, etc. without being asked. He listens intently when people talk, remembers, and either makes sure to have things they said they liked next time he sees them, or will bring up things they said later. He LOVES drawing baths for people - every patron at the Oasis has to bathe before...activities...and Silver loves working out what is best for each individual person in terms of temperature, herbs and oils to add to the water, just figuring out how to best help them relax.

🌾 Describe your OC through the eyes of someone absolutely head-over-heels in love with them.

Silver:

“He’s such a terribly silly man.  My love would have you believe it has taken knowing me, of all people, for him to care as he does, to give as he does, to risk as he does, but you mustn’t believe him.  No matter all his pretty words, I’m not so special to make him the man he is.  One does not...just become that.  I don’t pretend to know him before he came here, but...I think he was always like this.  Silver loves with all of him as naturally as he breathes, and that, he did not learn from me.  I think he has always felt keenly how others need what he can give, and he has always had the strength and the will to give it.  All I have done is believe him that he could.”

- Aularia, his late lover who he credits with the inspiration to begin his secret humanitarian work as his masked alter ego, Sen.

“👉 👌” 

- Rexus.  It’s his way of saying he can’t put into words how much Silver’s kindness and enduring faith in him has meant to him, how inspiring and uplifting he is, what beautiful hair he has, and how very lucky he is that this man has chosen to, despite shit like this, love him so very much.

Rexus:

Rexus is a jewel in the armoire of my soul.  He smells always of the sweetest, purest honey, and I should dearly love to bathe him in a basin of warm milk, sprinkled with lavender and vanilla, that he might leave such sweetness behind.  I titter thinking of how the soft whiskers of his beard tickle at my nose, my lips, my...ears.  Such songs I could sing of his unparalleled grace and beauty, but who would hear them?  They would die. Of longing. Immediately.  I am surprised I have not died of longing for him already myself.  Oh, but such sweet fortune that I may look upon him in all his splendor in my bed each night, unhindered by fine cloth for which I paid much coin solely to drape just so around his pleasing curves, and marvel at the sight of his plentiful body hair, which I envy spectacularly.  

- an excerpt from, supposedly, Silver’s journal, though Silver does not keep a journal and the handwriting clearly belongs to Rexus himself.

🌺 What does your OC do to calm down when they’re scared or after a nightmare? Do they have any special comfort items or need to be reassured by a specific person? How do they handle this if they’re alone?

Silver has to deal with this more often than he likes to admit.  Poor guy’s cursed with an imagination just about as vivid as Lux’s, but instead of making up fun stories his just torments him.  He worries a lot about a lot of people, and that he’s putting in a lot of effort that will ultimately end up meaningless.  When he needs to calm down at night, he gets up and gets a glass of water, makes tea, or goes for a swim.  Water is always soothing to him in one form or another, even if he doesn’t drink it and just like...stirs his finger in it for a while, it’ll help him feel better.  Someone’s always up and about at the Oasis, so he might seek them out to chat idly for a while; he loves the interaction and the others like feeling seen by him.  He might write a letter, usually to Emma, as he doesn’t see her anywhere near as often as he’d like, or read an old one.  Sometimes the refugees he helps send him coded messages a while later to let him know how they’re doing, and those have proved invaluable to him more than a few times to let him know he’s doing good work and really making a difference.  

Rexus gets angry when he’s afraid, because he shouldn’t be letting whatever’s affecting him affect him, and he is, of course, terrible at coping by himself.  He paces, rambles loudly, drinks, throws things, is prone to saying really mean stuff, just isn’t at all pleasant to be around when he’s afraid unless you know how to solve whatever’s bothering him or can convince him he’s being stupid.  Silver is, of course, usually good at this, as is his partner Tyranos (belongs to @lavellanlove), and surprisingly Emma was too when she was with him.  His mother, Atilia, can be this for him to a degree, but only during and before TSU when telling her his problems meant she’d pull strings to get them to go away with minimal effort from him.  Alone he just drinks until he passes out and forgets about it.  

Got any more?

[johannestevans]

Livetweeting Hook & Smee in Barrie’s Peter Pan: Part One

Going from the Gutenberg edition for copy and paste ease. 

I’m gonna be separating this into parts because I get long-winded when talking about how I love these piratical homos, but I just want to state for the record in case you’ve never read Peter Pan before and think that you might want to based off of these two, like... 

Fair warning, Peter Pan was published at the beginning of the 20th century, and it is racist as fuck, particularly with anti-Black sentiment and some nasty stuff about Native Americans. The latter is not as bad as it is in the Disney adaptation, where they actually added in a lot of extra racism, but it’s still present.

With that said, I was raised on Peter Pan, and the queer vibes and gender vibes from the fairies were really positive for me, and I do still love it - what I don’t want is anyone to think “oh, this book Peter Pan looks fun” and then getting a gut punch when it has That Shit. The book is honestly not all that great, and Peter Pan himself is a violent serial killer and abuser disguised as an eight-year-old, so if you want to give Peter Pan a pass, you absolutely should.

So, first, their introductions!

...and the Irish bo'sun Smee, an oddly genial man who stabbed, so to speak, without offence, and was the only Non-conformist in Hook's crew...

I love Smee... so much. I love that he stabs without offence - Hook is very regularly described as evil and intimidating and scary, whereas Smee is constantly established as this kindly-looking uncle figure who is going to disembowel you with charm, and yes, that’s absolutely a contrast I have firmly internalised and that shows up regularly in my own work.

In the midst of them, the blackest and largest in that dark setting, reclined James Hook, or as he wrote himself, Jas. Hook, of whom it is said he was the only man that the Sea-Cook feared. He lay at his ease in a rough chariot drawn and propelled by his men, and instead of a right hand he had the iron hook with which ever and anon he encouraged them to increase their pace. As dogs this terrible man treated and addressed them, and as dogs they obeyed him.

This isn’t actually the initial introduction of Hook in the book - he’s initially talked about in conversation between Peter and the Darlings, where Michael just bursts into tears at the mere mention of the man.

Hook is terrifying, not just to children, but to his crew, who he kills so casually - there’s a lot to be said about why Hook is so frightening, because it isn’t just how easily violent he is, but his comfort in commanding others. Hook is a posh cunt who went to Eton, so he obviously lacks a soul in the way that people like that do, but conducts himself as though he’s the centre of the universe, and uses that to intimidate.

In person he was cadaverous [dead looking] and blackavized [dark faced], and his hair was dressed in long curls, which at a little distance looked like black candles, and gave a singularly threatening expression to his handsome countenance. His eyes were of the blue of the forget-me-not, and of a profound melancholy, save when he was plunging his hook into you, at which time two red spots appeared in them and lit them up horribly.

Someone get a Ouija board and tell Barrie that there are ways to describe scary people that don’t involve pointing out how “dark” they are, Christ

ANYWAY, I do think it’s interesting that Barrie presents the guy as looking like a corpse, while also being like “he was a bit of a ride though, like, he was handsome”. I’m also just... so obsessed with Hook’s eyes, because Hook is consistently described throughout the book - as well as in the good adaptations, like Hook (1991) - as being a man utterly consumed by depression, anxiety, and doubt. Like, he’s this deeply sad, unhappy man, and I’m obsessed with the idea that you can see that when you look in his eyes - the only time it seems like he feels anything other than crushing emptiness is when he’s killing somebody.

Sexy!

In manner, something of the grand seigneur still clung to him, so that he even ripped you up with an air, and I have been told that he was a RACONTEUR [storyteller] of repute. He was never more sinister than when he was most polite, which is probably the truest test of breeding; and the elegance of his diction, even when he was swearing, no less than the distinction of his demeanour, showed him one of a different cast from his crew.

“He was posh which, as you understand, reader, means that he was a monster and a sadist, and he was at his scariest when he was at his poshest.”

A man of indomitable courage, it was said that the only thing he shied at was the sight of his own blood, which was thick and of an unusual colour. In dress he somewhat aped the attire associated with the name of Charles II, having heard it said in some earlier period of his career that he bore a strange resemblance to the ill-fated Stuarts; and in his mouth he had a holder of his own contrivance which enabled him to smoke two cigars at once. But undoubtedly the grimmest part of him was his iron claw.

I’m obsessed with the double cigar thing. Like, you know how Cruella de Vil’s whole thing is that she has her cigarette on one of those long cigarette holders? I wish that Hook’s insane two-pronged cigar smoker was as iconic a part of his character design as that is of hers, because it’s genuinely so funny and so unnecessary and also just...

Imagine how depressed you must be as a man to need that much fucking nicotine and tar in your lungs on one inhalation.

Hook fainting over his own blood, iconic, love it; Hook dressing himself in his red brocade and his long coats and with his calves on show because some guy one time told him he looked like a Stuart? Incredible. Adore it. Hook is literally a theatre kid with no self esteem to speak of.

Let us now kill a pirate, to show Hook's method. Skylights will do. As they pass, Skylights lurches clumsily against him, ruffling his lace collar; the hook shoots forth, there is a tearing sound and one screech, then the body is kicked aside, and the pirates pass on. He has not even taken the cigars from his mouth.

Such is the terrible man against whom Peter Pan is pitted. Which will win?

So this post is meant to be about Hook and Smee, not about Peter Pan, but I do want it said that while this is obviously a very horrible thing to do, especially because Hook killed Skylights for no reason than he messed his clothes up, Peter Pan traffics small children to Neverland and slaughters them in the woods, offscreen, when they’re too big to fit in his clubhouse anymore.

Tragically, huge spoiler, Peter Pan does win.

Anyway, ensues a description of stuff that doesn’t matter, and then the pirates find the hideout of the Lost Boys (Peter’s club of soon-to-be-lifeless-children), and the Lost Boys scatter, and the pirates want to find them so they can kill them, especially Peter.

“Shall I after him, Captain,” asked pathetic Smee, “and tickle him with Johnny Corkscrew?” Smee had pleasant names for everything, and his cutlass was Johnny Corkscrew, because he wiggled it in the wound. One could mention many lovable traits in Smee. For instance, after killing, it was his spectacles he wiped instead of his weapon.

“Johnny's a silent fellow,” he reminded Hook.

“Not now, Smee,” Hook said darkly. “He is only one, and I want to mischief all the seven. Scatter and look for them.”

Smee is so often described as pathetic, which he absolutely is, but - and Hook does later muse on this - although he is so pathetic and so not intimidating, he is completely content in himself and his life, whereas Hook is terrifying and very impressive, and wants to die all of the time with the depression, so who’s really winning here, James?

AND HE CALLS HIS SWORD JOHNNY CORKSCREW! HE IS SUCH AN ADORABLE UNCLE-ESQUE MURDERER!

“One could mention many lovable traits in Smee,” is so good, it delights me very time, because YES, one COULD, but you really should wipe your weapon, Smee, the blood will make the metal tarnish!

[chocolatechocolatekip]

I’m on mobile and don’t know how to do a Read More thing so I apologize in advance! Here’s the post that y’all asked for!

•••

As more and more of us in the Friendom continue to reach out to Hulu, our chances of getting a renewal for our beloved show grow as well. There seems to be plenty of factors that will affect the outcome of our current efforts, and it’ll be a long wait until we hear anything regarding a final decision. But for now, let’s try to fast forward a bit:

After almost a year of waiting, corporate at both Hulu and Disney Channel have finally heard our voices. They have decided to renew Andi Mack for a fourth season to stream on Hulu. Both companies announce the news on their respective Twitter accounts, and news articles begin appearing across the Internet about this miraculous resurrection. Cast members take to Instagram with reunion photos captioned “Surprise!” and #themackisback starts trending on Twitter internationally. Those who have made their peace with the original series finale rejoice as the moment feels so surreal, and the entire Friendom overflows with joy. For a second, it all feels fuzzy and too good to be true. But that raises the question:

What Would Season 4 Even Be About?

•••

In this TED talk, I will be exploring a few of the things I feel would be interesting plot points and ideas for the show to cover. These are just ideas from all the emotions I’ve been feeling since the finale, but I hope that I’m able to communicate them properly and that you understand what I’m trying to say, lol. Here I go!

From a logical perspective, there are things we know that the fourth season will focus on:

- Andi’s time at SAVA

- Cyrus, Buffy (and possibly Jonah) starting at Grant without Andi

- Cyrus and Thelonious’ new relationship

- Buffy and Marty’s new relationship

•••

There are other things I want to see from the fourth season, and there’s just so much unexplored territory with these characters that it really is bittersweet knowing that these stories will never unfold on the small screen for us. One can hope, and we will still have fanfics written by those in the Friendom. However if we do get a fourth season, these are some things I personally would love to see.

- Andi developing a true sense of independence. Her whole life she’s had an tight-knit immediate support system through her friends and family, but now she’s going to a school where she doesn’t know anybody doing things none of her other friends and family have had experience in. She’s been surrounded by things familiar to her since second grade (or possibly before that) so seeing her grow into somebody separate from those things would be so amazing. She knows SAVA is where she belongs, and now she’s gotta prove it to herself.

- Andi-Cyrus development. We’ve gotten a lot of Andi-Buffy and Cyrus-Buffy moments, but the two definitely outweigh any development we’ve gotten from Andi and Cyrus. I mean, sure, they’re best friends! I know they love each other and are important to one another, but it still seems like some unexplored territory. I’m hoping they’re just as close as they are with the other seeing as they’ve known each other since the second grade. Though now that Andi is going to a different school, I don’t know how they would work that in.

- Buffy’s home life being explored. We’ve only ever met her mother a couple times, but her dad didn’t seem to be significant enough to her story for them to actually cast and write him into the series. There’s no doubt in my mind that her parents are insanely proud of her for her growth and accomplishments since the first season. However, it would be nice to see what kind of relationship she has with her dad.

- Cyrus finally coming out this parents. We were robbed of such a plot point because so many people, regardless of age or gender or race, have to deal with coming out to their families. As much love and acceptance as Cyrus deserves, I personally don’t want it to be one of those “we’ve always known, we still love you” kinds of coming out because those aren’t always the case. I think that when he does come out, I can imagine at least one of his family members not fully accepting of it. I’m not saying that Cyrus needs to be have a hard time coming out to his family, but in the long-run it would make sense. Also if Thelonious is already out to his parents, I’m hoping he helps Cyrus come out to his as well.

- We need more sibling relationships to be shown. As I’m writing this I’m noticing that a large chunk of the characters are only children? They’ve had a lot of different family structures represented but haven’t really focused on any sibling relationships. I think Cece and Mei, and Iris and her brother are the only siblings we’ve been given.

- Jonah getting the proper help he needs for his anxiety. I really don’t want them to forget about Jonah’s mental health, but it almost seems like they let it take a backseat to his family’s financial problems. Real anxiety doesn’t just go away, and seeing as Jonah’s only been dealing with it for roughly a couple of months, they wouldn’t just subside this quickly. Obviously I don’t want him to suffer attacks every day for the sake of him having them, but it does need to be fleshed out and handled a little better.

- Bex and Bowie making some new friends their age. Maybe other parents with kids at SAVA? Maybe Cyrus and Buffy’s parents? I understand it’s important to be involved in your child’s life, especially after secretly being her sister/non-existent dad for 13 years, but I can’t remember a time when either Bowie or Bex have mentioned any other friends their age. Other than M*randa and that lady that wanted to sue Bex (lmao) there haven’t been many other memorable young-adult interactions. They’ve been so focused on making up for lost time with Andi, making up for lost time with each other, and assuming their roles as parents that they haven’t really grown beyond their familial bonds. It would be nice to see how the act when they’re not in Responsible Parent Mode™.

- More character development for Amber. Now that the GHC (sans Andi) are going to Grant with her, she can be like their Big Sister Figure™ and help them adjust. We’d hopefully see her more often and get a look into what she’s like on a more day-to-day basis. See how she copes with her familial problems on the days they really upset her. Maybe even coming a bit more out of her shell and joining their school’s chess team.

- Thelonious fully coming to terms with his sexuality. I’m hoping, if he’s not already publicly out, that they develop his story of self-acceptance. Do his parents know? His grandparents? The other GHC? The way his sexuality storyline should be handled differently than they did Cyrus’ because everyone’s experience with their own sexuality is unique. I can’t think of how to word this properly, but TJ seems a lot more open and bold about it. He wants the world to know that he’s proud of who he is, because it’s true. Cyrus sought validation and security from others, only to find it in himself. TJ sought validation and security in himself, and found it in others. These two have such an amazing dynamic, and it would be amazing to explore TJ’s inner workings to the level that Cyrus’ have been.

- TJ and Cyrus being more than each other. I want them to branch out and grow into successful young people who value their own personal lives as individuals as much as they value the relationship they have together. Obviously Cyrus tries out for Grant’s drama club and TJ tries out for the school’s basketball team, but imagine their new interests! Cyrus on the debate team, TJ in the school’s orchestra, Cyrus on student council, TJ in a peer mediation group! The possibilities are endless.

•••

Those were some of the heavier things I thought would be likely/addressable in the show, but here’s some smaller, less thought-out ideas would still like to see:

- Walker also attends SAVA. I feel as though he’s at least a year older than the GHC (same age as Amber) and has been there a year before Andi.

- Marty possibly also being jealous of Buffy. Possibly as a result of Rachel being so jealous of Buffy. Not to the extent that it’s toxic, but just enough to create room for growth. A good way to address the cycle of jealousy. Plus Marty has no character flaws yet, soo.

- A social hierarchy at their new high school. Sure, Jefferson might have had one too with Christina or the boys’ basketball team, but high school hierarchies are very real. They’re both subtle and unspoken but also noticeable and in-place.

- All the Muffy and Tyrus hugs. Sadly leaving poor Jonah as the fifth wheel, lmao.

- Buffy, Jonah, TJ, and Cyrus are either suddenly too busy for one another or one realize they’re all growing apart. (Think of the dynamic between Shane and Mitchie in Camp Rock 2 lmao) High school does tend to separate people from one another, and peer groups shift all the time.

- Andi not cutting her hair short again. I’ve noticed that she cut her hair again somewhere around the beginning of Season 2 and again at the beginning of Season 3 maybe. Either it’s a personal choice for her, or the crew on the show wanted her to keep a consistent look (I’m going with the latter). I think that her hair growth could be a metaphor for her character growth, seeing as she’s branched out and not worried about keeping things the same anymore.

- Other groups of people being represented. Maybe we might get a Muslim character, a dark-skinned character, a non-binary or gender nonconforming character. While the show does have a way with tossing aside its background characters, it would still be great for them to be shown in the AM universe.

- The return of other background characters like Iris, Libby, Reed, pink backpack kid, Leo, etc.!

- Buffy continuing the trend of carrying Cyrus.

- Any other character questioning their sexuality, now that Cyrus (and by then, TJ) are out. We’ve all kinda headcanoned Amber to be lesbian, despite all the Jamber; Andi to be pansexual despite all the Jandi; Jonah to be bisexual, less and less as the show progressed; and Bex to be bisexual, though now that she’s married I don’t want anything to happen to Bexie.

- An episode or two focusing on racism. A little bit more real-life, internalized racism than the racial prejudice towards Buffy’s hair and the racial stereotypes Andi faced.

•••

There are so many possibilities that a fourth season could bring us! And with Hulu, they might have less restrictions than Disney Channel laid down. I know that we shouldn’t get our hopes up too much, but I felt as thought we should start discussing what a fourth season would even be like before asking for one without speculation. That’s all I have at the moment, but maybe as time progresses I’ll think of some other things that I’d like to see or remember some plot points they left open.

I hope that if we do get renewed that it will still feel like Andi Mack, and that the future content still possesses the same kind of energy it gave off so well. As of right now, for me, it’s still all a bit fuzzy. I can’t believe the show ended. We got what we wanted, and yet are still yearning for more. That’s when you know something is good material, when it keeps you hooked despite any and all of the curveballs it may throw.

Somewhere out there, Andi, and Buffy, and Cyrus, and Thelonious, and Marty, and Amber, and Bex, and Bowie, and Cece are all living their best lives. It was amazing to experience their stories alongside them.

♡ Andi Mack will live on in our hearts, Hulu or not ♡

•••

(I know, I use a lot of commas I’M SORRY)

[linkspooky]

Where do you think Norman's arc will go from now (that he's met Emma and Ray)? Also, how do you think the story will end?

So, the two most important facts about Norman’s arc is that one, he’s the character of the trio between Ray and Emma with the least flaws, and two the majority of his arc has taken place offscreen. This is not a criticism, this is pointing out where the subversion with his character is going to come from. 

So when analyzing Norman you have to take into account that both Ray, and Emma sort of believe Norman to have been the best of the group. Even if Emma is the moral fiber, it was Norman who did the vast majority of the planning for the escape. That was why Norman was taken away from them in the first place, for story purposes it was to show that it was in fact not all Norman which led to their success and both Ray and Emma are strong and capable in their own right. In the end all three of them are equals with equal capabilities. 

However, the fact that Norman was taken from them and that he also chose to sacrifice himself resulted in both Ray and Emma sort of putting Norman on a pedestal. Especially when it came into terms with their perception of him and their assessment of themselves. While it makes sense for them to remember him in an idealized light when he sacrificed himself, now that it turns out he’s actually lived Norman the real person is going to compete with the image of Norman both of them have been carrying around this entire time in order to motivate their actions. 

Norman not only put the finishing touches on him and Emma’s plan while knowing that he would die soon, but he also correctly predicted Ray’s actions and told Emma how to save him. 

When they’re escaping, as he watches the scene in front of him Ray hallucinates Norman for a moment to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Norman also speaks what are probably just Ray’s own feelings on Emma that he himself can’t admit and can only see coming out of Norman’s mouth.

In the second arc when Emma has a near death experience after being shot, it’s Norman that she imagines as the one who stops her from falling and also swims up with her back to the surface. It’s his image that literally guides her back to life. Except, we know Norman is not a ghost that can magically appear to either of the two at the time because he’s still alive in both cases. 

The trio is an extremely tight knit family, and they all believe in each other’s strengths of course, but of the trio we’re shown the least of Norman’s flaws, and that makes sense as both Ray and Emma admire him so much and this story is mainly told from the perspective of the children. Norman sort of becomes the symbol of their survival and escape, even though technically it’s never been Norman from the start, it was always Emma’s ideals of saving everyone, of escaping with their whole family that guided them and Norman was the one most driven to make those ideals a reality out of his love for Emma. 

Not only do the characters in the story treat Norman as a symbol though, now Norman himself has taken on the role of a symbol leaving his original name aside and calling himself William Minerva instead. Someone who was a literal symbol, because he was a made up person that James Ratri created to inspire children to escape from the plantation system.

In the first chapter we’re reintroduced to Norman and his situation as posing as Minerva the entire chapter he’s drawn without a face while all of his followers for the most part are detailed. This is more than just to preserve the twist that Norman has taken to posing as William Minerva. It’s also symbolic of what Norman is doing, he’s casting his own identity aside and forcing himself to play a role which he thinks will be of greater benefit to everybody else in the long run. 

He’s playing the role of an idealized hero, a children’s fairy tale hero when he still is just a child himself. 

So, a lot of Norman’s role in the story is concealed but there’s some very important hints to take from the introduction of his character. While Emma is the ain character, remember it was originally Norman who was introduced as the supporting male lead, the one who found out about Connie at the same time, the one who promised to escape with Emma at the same time. It was originally Norman who made the promise to escape together with Emma.

And eventually instead it became Ray who escaped with Emma, while Norman sacrificed himself intending to die and be eaten there. What happened instead was a reversal of their situations. Ray had Emma, and the rest of his family as support while enduring the hardships of the next year, whereas Norman endured it all alone.

Norman had only one accomplice and even that person he failed to protect them during his escape, which he had to figure out how to escape from an entirely second plantation all on his own. 

What I’m pointing at here is Norman is originally set up as the supporting character to Emma and the main one at her side, but he gets separated from her for the vast majority of the time after the first arc, and not only that but afterwards Norman had to endure a bunch of trauma all alone. His response to that however, has been to ascend to a position of power instead and make himself out to be the savior of the neverland, rather than showing any signs of being a traumatized kid who has been separated from his two closest friends and the rest of his family for a year and a half and forced through terrible human experimentation alone. 

Now finally, returning again to the opening chapters, what exactly is Norman’s main flaw? Ray’s is his tendency to always rely on sacrifices, both himself and others and his willingness to dirty his hands, which combines with a low self image he has viewing himself as worth less than his two friends because of what he was willing to do and the guilt he had already carried. Emma’s flaw and strength are one in the same, her naivete and willingness to believe in others puts her in reckless danger but it also allows her to take paths that nobody else would try to take to save everyone, and also to not give up in circumstances where most others would give up. Emma is vulnerable and she constantly exposes herself to danger and that’s not something that can be brushed off easily in a world that’s constantly trying to kill them, but also it means that he wearing her vulnerability on her sleeve makes her the most emotionally developed and the empathic of the other two boys and because of that she’s able to easily imagine the situations of others and constantly tries to offer them to join her side. It’s Emma’s unrealistic dreams that drive the three to try to make the world into a better place.

Then, where are Norman’s flaws in that? In a way Norman seems to strike a perfect balance between the two. He’s calculating and cunning like Ray, and yet at the same time he also is somebody who wants to hold up Emma’s ideals. Even in the first chapter, Ray demonstrates that Norman has a critical thing when it comes to thinking that Emma is lacking. 

Norman’s the smartest of the three, Ray can compete with Norman in terms of brains but he’s the most well studied. Ray even says so later that it’s not like he has raw genius he just studied his hardest even though he hated studying because he wanted to be a tasty meal that he could deny the demons. and Emma of the three is the most flexible because she’s constantly changing her ideals. 

Also, not only that but the first tag match in the first chapter ends with a one on one battle between Norman and Emma. Which is clear foreshadowing that while Norman and Emma start out as each other’s closest ally, and Norman as Emma’s supporting male lead that eventually the two are going to disagree with each other and probably have to compete with each other which is why Norman was separated from the plot for so long and so much of him still remains a mystery. 

In the 4th chapter, Norman gets some more foreshadowing to establish his flaws. The first thing is Norman mentions over and over again his main motiation is Emma, who Norman sees as a better person than him. (This is a theme with the trio gosh guys stop comparing yourselves to each other). Norman feels guilty for being scared only of his own life when Emma was crying not for herself but for the sake of her family. From that moment forward he swore to be the one to bring Emma’s ideals into reality no matter how far fetched they are.

Norman’s actually more logical and more driven by cold blooded reason than Ray, however Norman doesn’t wish to be like that so he makes most of his actions for Emma’s sake rather than following his own ideals. Norman’s statements in chapter four are rife with foreshadowing. 

“I’ll use myself to accomplish it.” “I’ve always managed to accomplish what I set out to do.” “So, what are you going to do? Emma and I are insane. We’ve completely lost it.” 

All of these statements which seem perfectly innocent at the time because they’re a part of Norman’s speech to motivate Ray, and his declaration of Love for Emma, but they’re also words in a different context that could take a much darker turn. The Promised Neverland tends to play the long game when it came to foreshadowing, reveals about the demons taking on the characteristics of what they eat that became relevant this arc were foreshadowed as early as the Goldy Pond arc where one demon ate the brains of another and then started to hear two voices in its head instead of just its own. 

“I’ll do anything…” is a recurring theme for Norman. 

At which point I must mention, the difference between Norman and Ray’s flaws. Ray is a pragmatist, he believes sacrifices are necessary and is willing to dirty his own hands to make those sacrifices. The difference in the flaw then lies in the ideals. Ray is a pragmatist, whereas Norman is still an idealist because he believes in Emma’s ideals to this day. Whereas Ray makes sacrifices for the sake of survival and accomplishing realistic goals, Norman’s flaw is that he’ll sacrifice to bring Emma’s lofty ideals into reality. He’ll do it for the sake of ideals.

And as early as the first arc, Norman is referred to as willing to do “Anything”. However, that was when Norman was surrounded by his family and in a much mentally healthier situation, so his definition of “Anything” has probably changed between then and now.

See Norman’s flaw is that his ideals aren’t his own, they’re Emma’s. Not only that, Norman is constantly criticizing himself for not being as selfless as Emma is in his eyes. Which is not really fair criticism that Norman is levying on himself, for example he gets upset when he a child gets afraid of dying. 

He has trouble seeing with himself individually as a person, and dealing with his own weakness. Especially when he’s usually relied upon to be the level headed one of the three, the best of the three, the leader of the three, etc. etc. And his way of coping with his feelings of powerlessness in those situations is to go back to tactics. 

So, when Norman gets more and more upset he tends to instead of working through those feelings buckle down and see everything as pieces on the board. He believes absolutely in every situation he can overcome with tactics and making use of everything around him. Not only that his appointed task is not even for himself and his own ideas but rather to make Emma’s dreams a reality because Norman doesn’t see himself as good of a person as he sees Emma as. 

So, right away that’s a combination of 1) Norman having a natural tendency to go to extremes especially when it comes to using people, situations, and everything present to get what he wants out of a situation. and 2) somebody who adheres himself to ideals and is intensely dedicated to bringing those ideals into reality even if those ideals are not his own. 

So, it’s easy to see why after being isolated from his two moral compasses and then traumatized in a child experimentation lab, that Norman’s way of dealing with this trauma and turning it into something productive another piece on the board has been to completely shed away his own identity as pose as someone else (Norman doesn’t really believe he’s a good person like Emma is), that person being the lofty ideal of William Minerva rather than an actual person, and two once again saying that he’s doing all of this to bring Emma’s ideals into reality. 

Neither of these things are necessarily harmful on their own. WHen they’re together Norman and Emma make a good team, Emma being the one who makes the ideals and Norman the one who wants to use strategy and tactics to bring them to life. However, Norman has been separted from Emma for a long time and making these decisions all on his own, and there’s been a clear case in escalation in the stakes Norman is dealing with.

The first thing he does in the chapter he’s reintroduced in is burn a platnation to the ground with the comatose mass production children still inside. I’m not going to discuss the ethics of this, but Norman himself feels guilty for not being able to save those children which shows the weight he’s currently taking on his shoulders and the decisions he’s making. 

So Norman in the year he’s been apart from his family has gone from, “I want all my family members to escape alive” to “Burn everything down to the ground and rebuild a paradise from the lost ashes”. I’m not making a moral judgement on Norman’s philosophy, especially since he’s rebelling against a fundamentally corrupt system based on child murder and human farming, however, his views are extreme and they’ve only become more extreme the more pressure he’s put on himself to carry out those ideals for every child he takes in.

So then you have the breakdown of the trio again. Emma, the reckless idealist, Ray the pragmatist, and Norman the extremist. Norman is now the most  in the know, and the one of the group with the most resources but that doesn’t mean Emma and Ray are going to go along with him and follow out his plan. 

Otherwise, the story would have been split up on focusing between Norman and Ray + Emma on their journey to reunite with one another. However, there’s one important thing to notice about this latest chapter. 

Norman talks about again in front of Emma that all he wants is to make her dream come true, living with her family and being able to care for them in a world that’s not actively trying to kill them. This brings a smile to Emma’s face.

Then Norman says that he’s been preparing all this time to make Emma’s dream a reality, and not only after losing their base does he have a plant to do it, but he also has resources, contacts, and measures in place to carry it out. It sounds too good to be true, after losing their hideout and Yugo and Lucas, they find Norman again and the same old Norman who seems to have everything figured out and only wants the best or his family. 

Yet, this is what Norman suggests.

Genocide, to simply wipe out all the demons and make this second world a paradise for humans, because if all the demons were gone there would be no reason to feed on humans anymore. And the author even takes the time to panel out Emma’s changing reaction, from a smile, to a hesitant face, to a slow look of horror. 

This isn’t what Emma wants to do. Norman’s strayed far from Emma’s ideals in his methodology. Emma is going to reject his answer, because Genocide of an intelligent species is a net wrong no matter what ends you’re trying to accomplish with those means. 

The kids have been killing demons all along, but can they really kill every single demon in order to build a world better for them? When things such as child demons and demons families exist? That’s what is weighing on Emma’s face. Her ideals are clashing finally with Norman’s need to go to extremes to bring those ideals into a reality and it’s going to cause a conflict between the two of them. That’s what’s registering on her face right now as Norman says with complete confidence all they need to do is wipe out every last demon to get the happy ending they want. 

That’s the direction I think Norman’s arc will go from now on! Thank you for sending the ask, anon.