#imo Ed is definitely working through some of his own

[naranjapetrificada]

Okay, so. My recent preoccupation with the 🌟 Gay Pirate Show🌟 accidentally led to one of my therapist's annoyingly insightful media observations and all new emotional work I have to do. And if that felt like getting a tooth knocked out, well then reading this fic felt kinda like the first time you poke the hole in your gums with your tongue and don't immediately taste blood?

You should read it anyway because the writing is impeccable, like you might think you're ready for how well-executed this is but I promise you're not, but if you also saw any of those previous posts and a) felt them resonate and b) find reading useful for doing emotional work then I highly recommend. It wasn't easy to read, because of *gestures at the last few days of my tumblr activity* but the language was so effortlessly poetic and the imagery so sharp and visceral that I couldn't look away.

This was literally the first time I was able to finish anything about what comes next for Ed and Stede without the inexplicable outsized emotional devastation that even shit labeled Domestic Fluff was giving me, and that feels important to make note of.

[dughole]

radiohead’s complicity in israeli-occupied palestine

my feelings on radiohead are complicated these days, as i’m sure they are for many. i'm using this post as a method of sorting out my own thoughts & to provide sources.

for me, the bottom line is this: radiohead is both a brand & a musical group. the brand of radiohead has always had deep roots in the israeli colonial project - they have played many, many shows there throughout their career. their breakout single - creep, was intially only a hit in israel (x, x) & the personal choices of some of radiohead's members remain just as involved. jonny greenwood met his future wife - the israeli artist, antivaxxer & vehement zionist (x) sharona katan - at a show radiohead played in israel in 1993 (x). jonny consistently collaborated with zionist musician shye ben tzur & his projects continue to tour in tel aviv as recently as last september. as for jonny himself - his only statement in regards to the war on gaza has been in mourning for the israeli concert goers on october 10th - w no such empathy spared to the 100,000 palestinians dead, injured, or missing. as for thom, while he’s thrown a few bitchfits (x) through the years abt criticism of radiohead’s shows in israel, he has imo - only paid lipservice to the criticism, saying “playing in a country isn’t the same as endorsing its government” going against the pleas of his peers & coworkers in the music industry. as well as the pro-palestine activism undertaken by his long term friend micheal stipe (x & x). (note: stipe stood by radiohead’s performance in israel in 2017, but his current political choices suggest his understanding of the situation has evolved). even his own son - noah yorke, a fellow working musician, has voiced his opposition to the genocide in gaza via instagram stories. as for the other members, rhythm guitarist ed o'brien has called for a ceasefire, as well as making a few tweets about "solidarity with palestinians & israeli peacemakers". while bassist colin greenwood reportedly refused to accept letters of dialogue from the fan-run organization radiohead fans for palestine. drummer phillip selway's commentary is similarly brief but defensive, saying radiohead's 2017 tel aviv concert "felt right"

to me, this paints a picture of a band who's members stances on israel range from abhorrent to simply not enough. & as a brand, their particular combination of action & inaction amounts to a fundamentally zionist perspective. you cannot separate radiohead as artists from radiohead as a brand name.

i've loved radiohead since i was 14. i was brought into it by another longtime fan. i cried & danced when i saw them live back in 2017 - it was, & remains, a moment that allowed me to live through the hardest parts of my life. i felt for the longest time, that radiohead's music & political positions encouraged my empathy - my questioning of conservative political authority. & while all celebrities are failures in some sense - it is still heartbreaking to know how wrong i was.

i don't think it's possible to disconnect the decade of connection & love i have for their music - I won't ask that of myself or anyone else. & the idea of scrubbing one's taste of the "morally impure" is useless effort & an inappropriate simplification of both art & our conceptions of what makes someone "bad". but i can say with certainty - i will not be giving them any more of my money, whether that be streaming their music or buying their merch - & i encourage you to do the same. silence is complicity - this is beyond silence.

in the words of nina simone - "an artist's duty, as far as i'm concerned, is to reflect the times. how can you be an artist and not reflect the times? that to me is the definition of an artist."

[diamondcitydarlin]

you know i absolutely stan a stede and mary best friendship and it kinda sucks to see the unhappy stretch of their lives be used against the bond they've managed to form despite it all, but i do sort of get it in that it often feels like mary is really cruel and dismissive to him at times while they're married

but consider that like the dinner conversation that Stede tries to take part in unsuccessfully is told from Stede's POV and we know from his various visions of Nigel that he tends to project his insecurities on to others and is sometimes not a reliable narrator because of it so we can't really be sure what actually happened at dinner

we do know objectively that mary makes a pretty valiant attempt (imo) to connect with stede as best she can before he leaves. She paints him a lighthouse as an homage to their wedding, she tries to get him to open up to her about their shared unhappiness so they can at least figure it out together, but stede is pretty resilient to letting her see far beyond the walls he puts up

so did Mary actually hate Stede and intentionally try to isolate him from the family during this time? I really don't think so. The events we can mark as having definitely happened the way they did regardless of Stede's pov (aforementioned) point to Mary having always tried to make the best of their situation and connect in some way with her husband (I'm not saying Stede is inherently in the wrong for not having opened up to her sooner, but you can see how this might cause friction)

However by the time Stede comes back the resentment is real, but I don't really know how anyone could blame her for that? Consider yourself in Mary's position- you got married to someone you barely knew bc your parents said so, throughout your life together your spouse has been fairly closed off from and seemingly disinterested in you yet you continue to try to find some kind of common ground, but tHEN he decides this isn't actually working out and leaves so okay, big change, but you're ready and eager now to make your own life and so you do, and you finally fall in love for real and you have this new successful career that's taking off and then...he just comes back. As if he never left, as if you and the kids were just stalled in place until he decided to resume your life together and you have no choice really but to let him push his way into this existence you've made in the meantime.

This sort of loops back into the post I made earlier about how OFMD writes forced heteronormativity/societal expectation/toxic masculinity as a corrosive thing, because ultimately when Stede comes back he's trying to push himself, Mary and the kids back into those societally-approved roles such that Mary feels her only way out of the situation is jamming a kabob through his head. Again, this is only remedied by Stede finally opening up to her and allowing them to talk frankly about each other and their situation. When Mary finally knows who he REALLY is, she embraces him.

My point is, I don't think Mary has ever hated Stede for who he actually is. I think, like him, she was unhappy and resentful towards their forced arrangement, she was increasingly frustrated by Stede not providing the emotional feedback she needed (his reasons for doing so are valid however imo), and later on she's just outraged that he'd try to push them back into roles that never fit and made them miserable in the first place.

the evolution of their relationship into something even closer because of his love for Ed is something that can be so personal, esp when in a m/m set up it's easy to want to vilify the woman for 'being in the way' or when through no fault of her own a writer decides to foist her on one half of the pairing with no build up or explanation just to detract from all the queerbaiting they did earlier. like I LOVE that OFMD handled it this way, I love that Mary and Stede can be friends now and accept each other for who they are, I love that Mary is allowed to have her own resentments and frustrations without being the villain of the piece or the obstacle on the way to true love. I love that she is allowed to want and receive her own version of happiness and it doesn't have to be some huge blow to Stede's ego, in fact he's happy for her.

idk I just think to try to make Mary out to be a villain in The Story of Stede is to miss the point the show is trying to make about how this situation could be handled instead, in a way that doesn't dehumanize anyone or narrow a character down to how they help or hinder the main romance.

[hecallsmehischild]

Recent Media Consumed

Books

The Road to Wigan Pier by George Orwell. First, I actually appreciated the foreward to the “Left Book Club” copy, even though it says that anyone who is not a member should disregard it. It gave an interesting rebuttal to parts of the book. That aside, I’m not totally sure what to make of the book. On the level of descriptive writing, I rarely find something this richly penned. But it’s loaded with concepts and lingo and even a monetary system I’m unfamiliar with, and that hampers my understanding of the points. I get the general gist, but all the finer points are very lost on me, simply because I’m an American millennial.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck by Mark Manson. I’ve seen the “F*ck” series titles floating around here and there, and I’m intrigued by a couple of them. The idea of this one is that people give way too many f*cks about everything, and that you really need to pick where you give your f*cks in life and never give a f*ck about anything that doesn’t line up with your values (in a nutshell). It’s an easy and interesting read. It’s interesting to me that, in the wake of what I hear was many years of positive-mood and high self-esteem type self help books (most of which I’ve only heard of and never read, were they before my time?), we’re getting a backlash of “Yes, life sucks. Yes, life has pain. Dealing with pain and failure appropriately is a part of life. Accept that, or lose yourself to complete entitlement” type self-help books. I’m curious what this trend produces in people over time. I’d also like to highlight that this book has the best discussion of dividing “fault” and “responsibility” that I’ve ever read.

Shows

Loki. WHAT EVEN. WHAT EVEN. WHAT. WHAT THE. WHAT THE. FRESH… THE FRICK FRACK PADDYWHACK???!!!

Mushi-shi. So, turns out the first time I watched this I somehow started on Season 2, and my source cut out before the season end… no wonder I was pretty confused. So I started re-watching this and… I remember how incredibly unsettling this anime is. It’s equal parts gentle wonder and soft horror, a blend that is very difficult to describe unless you’ve seen it. Much like Mushi themselves, eh? I think I’ll balance this out by ending each watch session with an episode of Log Horizon rewatch. That’ll keep the emotional balance intact.

Claymore. I ended up dropping this one halfway through. It has an interesting concept, but the “things that bug me” points mounted pretty fast. In the early episodes, everything is so dark that it’s hard to see what’s going on. There’s a huge amount of monologuing and info-dumping IN monologue, and this goes on even mid-fight, and even CALMLY mid-fight. Yes, this isn’t the only anime that does this, but it decreases my enjoyment. It’s difficult to take the story seriously when the big bad yells, “Why can’t I defeat you?” to the weakest-but-somehow-also-the-strongest member of a team, and then have a colleague of the team member calmly explain to the big bad exactly why he’s unable to land a blow, then they take off his head together. This show has a lot of that sort of thing. I’ll read up on how the series ended, not interested in slogging through the other half.

Elfen Lied. This is a re-re-rewatch for me. I stumbled on this anime when I was newly inducted into anime-watching and, well... given that Princess Tutu was my very first anime, this one was a real shock to my system at first. By all accounts I should have dropped it and run screaming at the time, but I couldn’t. There was something about the sheer tragedy of the story that called to me. Plus it was VERY short. So I returned to it from time to time. Now that I’ve developed more of a feel for what I do and don’t like in a story, how does this hold up? The relationships are terrible, imo, and the whole thing about diclonius is never explained enough (and I still don't understand the ending) but it's STILL hard not to be pulled in by the sheer tragedy of the series.

Movies

300. I haven’t seen this movie since college. Is it weird how much I enjoyed it as a romp? Yes, there’s death and tragedy, but the dry humor and utter gung-ho-edness of it is infectious. It’s a good flick, I’m really glad I went back to see it. And I also finally understand Leonidas telling the traitor, “May you live forever.” Damn, man. No wonder he flinched.

Weathering With You. GORGEOUS. I need to see more by this animator… LIGHT. WATER. FOOD. I hear they’re calling this person the new Miyazaki? I CONCUR. And the story is sweet and beautiful and just yes. Yes. Oh, look, he made something else before this movie…

Your Name. Okay so I have mixed feelings about this one. On the one hand, fantastic story and, once again, gorgeous animation that all makes me want to track with this creator in the future. And the twist definitely socked me in the gut, I didn’t see it coming. On the other hand, I feel like this movie hits an extreme of “show, don’t tell” in a way that comes awfully close to a negative. I didn’t think that was possible, but this movie switches timelines, POV, points in time, etc, so rapidly that it becomes difficult to keep track of what’s going on, properly. I could not imagine watching this movie in theaters, it has to be watched with a remote in hand to pause, rewind, rewatch, discuss what the heck just happened. It’s like watching Mystery Skulls videos, with that level of rapid fire little details that are incredibly important to the plot, but for a feature length film. Also, after some discussion, I came to see (and agree) that there’s a foundational issue in the main relationship that doesn’t bode well for the future, as much as I rooted for them to be together. Still, it’s an incredible movie and I can see why it was the highest grossing movie for Japan a few years back.

Games

Diablo II. I’m really happy. I live in a house with my husband and his best friend, and in the past year or so we’ve begun playing games together. This is the sort of game I would never have gone to on my own because I actually need someone in the room who I can ask, “Hey, how do you assign attacks again?” or “Hey, is this piece of gear better than the piece I’m wearing?” I don’t like playing the number game on gear so much, but I let the two of them dress my character up and then I back them up in a fight and enjoy myself. Looting and exploring for treasure is probably my favorite aspect (says the person who plays Breath of the Wild just to forage for mushroom and herbs), although as a level 20 Amazon I’m now shooting out waves of 8 arrows at a time, and that’s pretty epic too. It’s a special kind of joy to find out you actually like a type of gaming as long as there’s people there who can explain things along the way and who don’t get annoyed at re-asked questions. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m having a blast playing Diablo II in a group. And as for the other game we play together as a group…

WoW Classic. I covered this before, but back then I was a lowly level 17 Dwarf Hunter. Now I’m a lowly level 36 Dwarf Hunter. With a mount! I have epic skills like explosion traps, poisonous shots, and multi-shot. My wolf has gained a ton more skills, too, and is (or so I’m told) a pretty effective off-tank. I have been told I am an effective DPS person, which makes me very happy. I really enjoy this kind of gaming, but specifically when I’m in the same room as the people I’m gaming with. Communication is a lot easier and we work really well as a team that way.

[thestarlightsymphony]

Do you by chance have like anything written or something like that for the character traits/personalities of everyone on the BeBop? You just write them all so accurately and I'd love to just study off you and I hope there would some way for you to share your knowledge, if not I completely understand. I've been writing my own fic and honestly it's like baby shit when compared to your accuracy!!

heart eyes motherfucker

You Have No Idea What That Means To Me Holy Shit. I would love to share my knowledge! But also, I will say: Every person’s interpretation of this crew will (and should!) be a little different! Something I identify in them may not be what you see or jive with, so take my words as one interpretation and not Bebop Gospel, as it were ;) 

Um??? Where do I start?? Well.... an easy one is I’ve rewatched Cowboy Bebop about a thousand times at this point and I’ve Taken Notes. Physical movements, identified particular wordings, focused on their actions and reactions to each other. I reference specific scenes a lot in Spike’s nightmares and internal exploration bc I really wanted to draw on the source material and have it be a literal Part of the story. I’d also really recommend looking up Session XX if you haven’t already; a hefty amount of Faye’s growth came from analyzing her sessions, but also seeing where she falls at the End of Cowboy Bebop vs. where she is during Session XX (which is arguably halfway through the show).

Next, and I’m fighting the instinct to be embarrassed by this, but I did a personality analysis using the Enneagram (kinda like the myers briggs but with fewer, more articulate options imo). My roommate’s hella into it and we’ve spent Hours talking about their personalities and lemme just say holy Shit I am convinced of several things:

Spike is an 8 wing 7 (impulsive, control-oriented, deflects, speaks with his actions, passionate, has a hard time being vulnerable especially emotionally, craves autonomy).

Faye is a 7 wing 8 (spontaneous, material, pleasure oriented/ indulgent, avoids negative feelings, self-reliant, craves independence).

They compliment each other. But they also have a high potential of clashing. I don’t use the enneagram as like a “this is the only inspiration for scenes i get” but it HAS helped me when i’ve been like “fuck how WOULD they respond? what makes the most logical sense?”

Bonus: Jet’s a 1 and Ed’s a 3 (i think). Ed’s harder to pin down bc she’s a kid, and I haven’t done as much exploring with them, but I think I’m still pretty good on those lines.

The hardest part of writing Bebop past Real Folk Blues is that the majority of the content we have for them is a lot of the growth happens at the Very End of the series. I’ve struggled with Faye bc most of her life we see on screen is about Running, and Keeping Moving and being so fucking mad that she has no past; when she finally remembers that past, it’s lost its weight, and then when she realizes she has a home, THAT gets broken, too. The last shots we have of Faye, she’s crying, heartbroken and angry and (in my interpretation) hella confused. I’ve struggled with Spike bc in the end, it’s hard to fathom what he’d be like after losing two of the largest reasons for being alive. In those last scenes with Jet and Faye, is he numb? Decisive? Did he already die with Julia, or is he genuinely just going to end it with Vicious and then see where/ if the world turns afterwards?

Who’s to say, either way?

You, the writer. A lot of my stuff has been written on instinct, with a goal in mind. The closer I got to the characters, the further the goal got, bc I realized in order to write the characters, you have to respect them. Which is a weird way to say it, but like.... It’s the best way I can describe it. You have to accept their faults and strengths; stubbornness is cute to play with, but it can also be an incredible source of conflict. Oh sidebar, every single fucking memory of the Bebop is stubborn. Opinion or fact? Yes.

I could go on for days. I definitely should, maybe I’ll make character analysis posts if people are interested, idk ;) 

Most importantly though (and this is gonna be just straight up writing advice): don’t be so hard on yourself. Blah blah blah, you’re your own worst critic, I’m sure you’ve heard that before, but it’s so true. 

Those first fifteen chapters or so, I’ve reread through for details and to get a hold one where I want to go, and I BIG cringe at them. I had no sense of timelines and my heart just wanted them to Get the Damn Together Already, but once I got a better sense of who they were, the rhythm and motion of their push and pull became so much more natural and something I’m more proud of. 

You’ll get better at writing the more you write. I just spent the past two months of my life working on this project, and I’m fucking Excited to keep going. How?? How did this happen??? I just wanted Spike and Faye to make out?!?!

Listen. Listen well. Trust your instincts. If something feels off but you still want to explore an idea, don’t dump the whole chapter, just put it to the side and write again. I’ve written multiple chapters that way: I started writing, it felt off, so I KEPT the chapter, but I reworked the order, or took lines and mashed them in a way that changed the meaning. Writing is a process.

Second, write what you want to write. What you want to read. I’d defo recommend reading a bunch of different fics, see how other writers interpret the characters and such, but don’t let them (or me!) influence solely how you write the crew. Find your own voice in this world. Rewatch Bebop and take directly from the source material if you have to; break it down and ask the question “why did they use that Exact word? Why did they make That choice?” and then answer it in a way that feels honest to You.

Hope any of this helps! (P.S. if you are so inclined, dm the the title of your fic and i’ll try to take a gander!)

[alwaysupatnight]

Since you sent me an a bonus two, I am taking that as a greenlight to send even more! How about Kate Fuller and looking through your tags: Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet) and Edward Elric (Full Metal Alchemist) 💖

omg this took forever!! lmaooo Thanks for all the characters though!! :D

Kate Fuller

Why I like them: My love!! I went into FDTD already a fan of Madie’s but Kate quickly became one my fave characters!! I love that she’s so small and cute but will absolute wreck you if you mess with her or someone she cares about!! lmfao She’s so fierce when she needs to be and doesn’t take shit from anyone, but she’s also so nurturing and forgiving and I think we all need a little of that in our lives. Absolute sunshine, not to be taken for granted.

Why I don’t: Sometimes she goes a little too far tbh. She doesn’t know when or how to say no. It’s not that I don’t like that about her, but it absolutely gets her into situations that could otherwise be avoided.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Again season 2 episode 1!! I love how she sasses Seth in that episode. lol

Favorite season/movie: Hmm... maybe season 1.

Favorite line: “...So you’re gonna put this car into drive, and you’re gonna step on that pedal, or I’m gonna Bible-thump your ass all the way back to Kansas! NOW!” LMFAOOO

Favorite outfit: I think her black American Eagle jacket and jeans with the black boots outfit has become so attributable to her character in my mind. When I think of Kate she’s wearing either that outfit or the one she wears at the end of s1. I think those are my faves. Also Amaru’s outfit looked totally amazing on Madie!!

OTP: Sethkate obvs

Brotp: I’m gonna go with Kate and Rafa. He was too good!! I totally would ship them romantically too ngl. They were precious together!!

Head Canon: Ugh again with the head canons... lmao I kinda always believed she’d wanna study engineering of some kind if given the chance to go to back and finish school. Everyone always wants to make her a nurse or a teacher or something, and I can totally see that. But I like the idea that she’s interested in how things work. I totally wanna write a mechanic Kate au one of these days.

Unpopular opinion: idk that I have any unpopular opinions about her... She made some questionable decisions in season2, but I forgive her for making me suffer.

A wish: That she hadn’t mf DIED!! BECAUSE I SUFFERED OKAY. WORRYING FOR MONTHS THAT IT HAPPENED TO ME YET AGAIN AND THAT MY FAVE WAS DEAD. Also that she had gotten more screentime in season 3. She barely had a few minutes. It wasn’t fair. And I wish that Richie had owned up to his part in her death.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Romantic tres geckos. No thanks!!

5 words to best describe them: Too good for this world

My nickname for them: Seth’s badass beautiful young wife. That’s my tag name for her. :P Also Kate Gecko.

-

Joel Hammond

Why I like them: OMFG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! lmao I love that he’s so dedicated to his family. And he LOVES Sheila more than anything, even though she’s become a zombie and her entire personality changes on him and eats people now, but he stays with her and never gives up on her. Even though he’s highkey stressed 100% of the time. :P

Why I don’t: I don’t think there’s anything I don’t like about him tbh??

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Ughhh idk I loved all the episodes tbh. But one of my favorite scenes was in season 3 after he and Eric do the zombie killing training and Eric says “Joel touched me” XD

Favorite season/movie: IDK. Maybe a tie between s1 and s3.

Favorite line: haha idk I can’t remember any in particular except “You’re killing it!” when he finds out Abby soaked his iron skillet in the sink :P

Favorite outfit: I don’t think I have one? I never really paid attention tbh.

OTP: Joel and Sheila!! They belong together!!

Brotp: Joel and Eric!! forever dying at those two. I love their relationship so much!!

Head Canon: I never thought about it tbh...

Unpopular opinion: Don’t have any!!

A wish: THAT THE SHOW HADN’T BEEN MF CANCELED AND WE COULD’VE GOTTEN TO SEE WHAT ZOMBIE JOEL WOULD’VE BEEN LIKE. FOREVER SCREAMING AT NETFLIX FOR CANCELING ALL MY FAVE SHOWS WTF.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: that his personality would be really different from his original one after turning into a zombie

5 words to best describe them: Best husband in the world

My nickname for them: don’t have one!!

-

Edward Elric

Why I like them: I really loved his relationship with Alphonse!! They meant everything to each other!! I haven’t seen FMA anything in a long time, or I’m sure I would remember more things I liked. :P

Why I don’t: Okay I found the Brotherhood anime Edward pretty goddamn annoying sometimes with all the screaming and cartoony reactions to things...

Favorite episode (scene if movie): idkkkkk

Favorite season/movie: I definitely preferred the 2003 anime... Brotherhood might be canon but idgaf!! I still haven’t read the manga. :P

Favorite line: “You’ve got a good, strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use ‘em.” haha idk I haven’t seen either anime in so long but that one comes to mind... there’s so many different versions of it. :P

Favorite outfit: He literally always wears the same thing. lol

OTP: ehh... I mean everyone ships him with Winry but I didn’t really ship him with anyone? I know he and Winry are canon. idgaf though. I hated that she was always fucking hitting him in Brotherhood and though I did think they were really cute in the 2003 series it didn’t really go there?

Brotp: Ed and Al forever!! Their relationship is my favorite thing about the series!! omfg I cried when I watched the Shamballa movie when Al says “brother” in his sleep, stuck in the other world. T_T I know it’s not “canon” but the brothers’ relationship is developed soooooo much better in the 2003 series and movie.

Head Canon: don’t got any!!

Unpopular opinion: NGL I loved the 2003 anime soooo much more than Brotherhood because they didn’t cut every potentially emotional scene off at the knees with some comedic BS to lighten the mood. The 2003 series really gave the story and characters time it needed, and it really allowed us to get to know the brothers and grow an attachment to those characters. That series just had wayyyy better character development imo and I really grew to love Ed and Al so much because of it!! I haven’t actually read the manga still after all this time. lol I’ve been meaning to.

A wish: idk... I haven’t been in that fandom for ages...

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I can’t think of anything...?

5 words to best describe them: haha I hate this question

My nickname for them: don’t have one :P

[bigskydreaming]

Thank you for the boosting and the donation! Got the rest of the rent there now, which let me sit down and whip out my first commission, yay! Someone who said they didn’t need to be credited asked me for 2K about the idea of “what do I think Dick’s opinion would have been of the Felipe Garzonas situation at the time.”

Which is a fucking awesome premise, and not one I’ve spent a lot of time thinking on, but it hit me right away....like, you know I’m always talking about how Jason and Dick have a lot more in common than most people think, IMO, and also that Dick isn’t nearly as incapable of understanding the impulse to kill as he’s normally assumed to be.....but thinking about Jason as Robin and whose side Dick would fall on that, if he’d been asked to weigh in....and given that he was still on iffy terms with Bruce and thus probably more inclined to side with the kid in his literal shoes, who he could remember being in certain ways, at certain times...

It made my mind jump straight to Robin: Year One, and how when Bruce fired Dick as Robin that first time, after the Two-Face incident, he kinda pinned the judge’s death on Dick, like as a direct result of Dick’s choice there...and this definitely affected Dick throughout the entire rest of the mini...which all culminated in him being trained at Shrike’s Vengeance Academy and literally holding a gun on Two-Face himself, having been ordered to kill him by Shrike, and wanting to...because of how Two-Face had so recently hurt him, and in Dick’s eyes...also been the direct result of his fallout with Bruce, the thing that made Bruce run away.

And so with all that in mind, here’s what I came up with. It’s open-ended, because my commissioner said they would rather me leave it unfinished if I felt there were more places I could take it, if other people wanted to commission further additions to it or I wanted to finish it myself later when I had time.....so here’s 2,695 words of Dick and Robin!Jason in the week immediately following  the Garzonas case. I got in a groove with it so went over the commission mark, lol, (I don’t charge extra for that, FYI, lol) but also I wanted to make sure I left it in at least a somewhat place for a break, rather than just in the middle of a thought.

This is definitely something I’d come back to on my own, just to finish it, no further commissions required, but like.....being able to use the commission to pay towards food or rent instead of waiting until I have the time and energy to bang out actual fic, like...definitely would make that a sooner rather than later thing, not gonna lie. LOL. I mean hey, I wrote this in the last hour. 

(Which also means its unbeta-ed, but they said that was okay and I think it still reads pretty cleanly as is). Anyway!

********

UNTITLED FOR NOW

The way Jason Todd warily eyed the device in his hand, one might think it was an instrument of great and terrible destructive power, rather than just…his own personal cell-phone.

To be fair, he was Robin, and pretty used to the idea that even the most unlikely of things could be used for evil in Gotham. It could’ve been stolen and replaced at some point by a henchperson of Mr. Freeze, and using it could unleash some kind of cryogenic freeze ray that would turn him into a Robinsicle. Mad Hatter could be up to shit again, and dialing the phone at this very minute might mean syncing it up with a remote radio signal that would override his natural brainwaves and turn him into Tetch’s mindless minion of like…doom and stuff. Or…or…

Or sometimes, even in Gotham a phone is just a phone, and Freud is still a dumbass. And neither of the above possibilities had anything to do with why Jason was being a giant freaking pansy about entering the last digit of the phone number he would never ever admit to having had memorized for months now.

Nightwing had said to call if he ever needed to talk. He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t actually want Jason to call, right? Like, its not as if Jason had remotely been expecting him to do that, so its not the sort of thing someone did just because it was ‘expected’ or shit. He was pretty sure. Rich people manners were weird though. Had to factor that in.

But Nightwing had also even made a point to say not talking to people about stuff was Bruce’s problem and that Jason shouldn’t let it be his problem too, and even though months ago Jason had been a starry-eyed dumbass who was totally drunk on the Bruce is the Bestest Kool-Aid or whatever, ‘Wing had definitely known what he was talking about there. So maybe he’d get it, and having this conversation with him wouldn’t be. Like. The actual worst idea in the history of ever.

Deductive logic said that Jason was getting worked up over nothing and there was no rational reason for him to be this nervous about dialing a fucking phone number. And he’d gotten pretty good at the whole deduction shit, given all the work he and Bruce had put into training his mind to view the world through entirely new paradigms, so Jason was pretty sure his math on that checked out. But on the other hand, Bruce was a hypocritical asshat that Jason was currently not speaking to, so what the fuck did he know about anything?

Aaaaand he was back to square one. Well damn. This was excellent. Very productive. Good hustle out there, Jay.

Sighing gustily, Jason flopped back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to pretend he hadn’t gotten used to how luxurious and cushion-y his ridiculously expensive mattress was. He’d gotten soft, he told himself. Then he scoffed at the idea that the past year and a half of rigorous Robin training and patrols had made him less tough than the pipsqueak he’d been back when living on the street, getting his ass kicked by bigger and badder on the regular. That hadn’t been hardness, that had been bravado.

But it had gotten him this far in life, so maybe there was something to be said for it after all?

Ugh. Decisions were hard. He objected on principle. He also really wanted to understand why he was this nervous…if he could literally fill the guy’s shoes and kick supervillain ass as Robin, what freaking sense did it make that he couldn’t even call him up on the phone?

Maybe you just know better than to ask him questions you don’t really want to hear his answer to, a smug voice said in the back of his mind. It sounded suspiciously like Willis Todd, which was all kinds of weird and fucked up, cuz Jason was damn sure his abusive a-hole of a deadbeat dad had never said anything that insightful in his life.

Which meant it was his own screwed up subconscious - presenting in the voice of his not so dearly departed douchebag dad, no less - that had Jason reacting out of spite, entering the last number and hitting Talk, all while totally on autopilot. Because apparently we’re all making healthy life choices in this Chili’s tonight, Jason snickered somewhat hysterically while his phone rang once, twice, three times.

Ugh. Was he always this fucked up in the head and he just never noticed, or was it a side effect of running around rooftops in a cape. Inquiring minds wanted to know.

“Hello?” Someone said then, answering on the fourth ring. Jason sat bolt upright, his nervous humor vanishing as quickly and unexpectedly as it’d hijacked him in the first place. For all that he’d only actually interacted with the older man a few times, his voice was instantly recognizable. As was his slight confusion.

Right. Because why would Nightwing have the untraceable number of the latest burner phone Bruce had given Jason, when the ever paranoid Bat had him swapping out phones every freaking week? Duh, Jay.

“Uh, its me,” Jason said hastily, as if he could somehow catch up to and overtake the epically long ten second silence he let lapse before his mouth started making words again. “Jason?”

“Jaybird! Hey! What’s going on?” The older vigilante’s tone instantly morphed into one of surprised delight, so apparent even across the phone that Jason actually pulled it away from his ear and stared at it, as if that could explain Nightwing’s inexplicable giddiness. He’d literally only met the dude three times. Give or take a concussion he was forgetting about maybe? Weird.

Then again, the older man was a circus performer from birth. Might just be good at faking being super excited to hear from people? Whatever. Still weird.

“Uh, you said to call if I was ever having, I dunno, issues with Bruce I guess? So I kinda had a question? I mean, if you’re not busy or anything.”

Just one question? Willis’ voice asked snidely, echoing in time with the rapid tripartite beat of Jason’s heart. Since apparently everything Jason said was trying to come out with a question mark attached to the end of it at the moment. Ugh, fuck you, subconscious, Jason thought forcefully, even as he ransacked the recesses of his mind for that bravado he was thinking about earlier. It had to be in here somewhere…

“No worries dude, I’ve got time. Hit me!” Nightwing said cheerfully. His lighthearted cadences were so at odds with the sweat suddenly breaking out on Jason’s forehead, the younger teen couldn’t help but wince in anticipation of its inevitable change once he got his actual question out. This was a bad idea, he decided, way too fucking late for it to make a difference. He had a hunch Nightwing wouldn’t be content to ‘just forget it’ or whatever even if Jason chickened out now.

So he took a deep breath, shrugged and did what Jason Todd did best. Said fuck it, put pedal to the metal, and drove at full speed for the metaphorical police barricade that was his way of picturing all the things telling him He Should Definitely Just Not.

“Do you think I’m someone who could kill somebody in like, cold blood?”

Aaaaand there went the lightheartedness. Well, he’d definitely stone cold killed that, Jason thought grimly into the silence that followed.

“Huh,” Nightwing said at last. “You’re gonna have to give me a second to switch gears here, Jay. I was kinda expecting something along the lines of ‘how do I avoid Bruce giving me the safe sex talk.’”

Jason flushed and nodded jerkily, not that the older man could see it. Still, it’d been enough of a workout just getting to this point. He didn’t trust what might come out of his mouth next if he kept trying to force it. Thankfully Nightwing didn’t make him wait too long before continuing.

“I think anyone’s capable of killing somebody in the right circumstances,” Jason’s predecessor began carefully. Except that was not remotely what he wanted to hear. Or helpful.

“I’m not looking for platitudes,” Jason grit out, not angry at the other vigilante so much as the whole fucked up mess and his inability to think about anything else at this point. “It’s just a simple fucking question. You’ve met me, do you think like, I’d be capable of just killing somebody or not.”

“I’m not offering platitudes,” Nightwing continued calmly, as if he wasn’t phased by the younger boy’s interruption or sudden aggression at all. “And its not a simple question at all. Speaking from experience, most people wouldn’t think of an eight year old as a cold-blooded killer, but that’s what I could have been if Bruce hadn’t stopped me from killing my parents’ murderer when I first tracked him down. And yet that’s still totally different from when I held a gun on Two-Face barely a couple years later, about to shoot him because somebody else told me to, and because I wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt me. Wouldn’t you agree those are two different situations and two different ‘kinds’ of cold-blooded killer? Context is kinda a big deal here.”

Huh. First off…what the fuck? Jason stared blankly up at the ceiling, trying to hurry up the processing functions of his brain because, again, what the fuck? He was like ninety nine percent positive none of that had been in the Dick Grayson Is The Greatest and Here Are All The Reasons Why brochure he’d had read to him every time someone new found out he was Wayne’s newest stray, and like. Uh. Yeah, that part would have definitely stood out. Because once more, with feeling:

“What the fuck?”

Oops. That hadn’t been supposed to be out loud. Bad mouth. Bad.

Nightwing just did a weird kinda half laugh half sigh combo. Rueful, Jason would describe it, if he were describing it to someone else, which it kind of felt like he was, relaying the conversation to himself now that it’d taken a hard right turn into the surreal.

“Blindsided you with that, huh? Sorry, should’ve figured neither of those are the kinda stories Bruce would want to share with you. Then again, I don’t really have any idea what Bruce has told you about me.”

“Not much,” Jason admitted. Which was a major source of irritation, if he was being honest. The much sung praises of Dick Grayson came from literally everyone he met except for Bruce. Who usually just got a pinched expression whenever Jason brought him up, and a rapid subject change that was not nearly as subtle as Bruce seemed to think it was.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Nightwing sighed. “I hope you haven’t put too much stock in anything else you’ve heard about me then. I’ll admit to a bad habit of enjoying my mystique, so secondhand hearsay tends to lose my best nuances.”

Despite himself, Jason’s lips curved up and he let out a rueful huff of his own. “I mean, this definitely isn’t where I saw this conversation going.”

The older man chuckled. “Thought I was going to just assume the worst and chuck the book at you?”

“Well. Yeah.” Jason shrugged, even though he knew it wouldn’t come across. “Bruce did.”

Nightwing heaved an exasperated breath. “Yeah, that’s kinda the thing about B. Sometimes, he’s great. Other times, he’s an ass. Its kinda an either or thing. He’s never really mastered the art of finding a midpoint between two extremes. Mostly because he’s never seen the point of aiming for middle ground.”

“Well its not like he’s ever really had to,” Jason griped. It just slipped out before he could stop it, leaving him feeling guilty for bad-mouthing B when he wasn’t around to defend himself. Especially since he knew Nightwing wasn’t the guy’s biggest fan these days. But he couldn’t deny it also felt good, in a way.

To his surprise, Nightwing just laughed. And not even in a malicious, spiteful kind of way, but almost relieved.

“God, thank you. You’d think that ‘hey, so my billionaire guardian kinda has entitlement issues’ would be a water is wet kind of revelation, but try saying something like that to pretty much anyone else…”

“And they look at you like you’re an ungrateful asshole?” Jason finished for him. Not that he’d ever actually tried saying that to anyone before, though he’d definitely thought it a time or two. But he could all too easily imagine the reactions he’d get, which was pretty much why he’d never gone so far as to speak the words.

“Yup,” Nightwing drawled, dragging out the p and popping it with emphasis. “And its not about being grateful or not, its just…there are some parts of everyone that just aren’t up for grabs, for other people to weigh in on or take charge of, you know? And a lot of people just don’t get that…because nobody’s ever tried it with them, or had to deal with expectations that…overstep, let’s call it?”

“Is that why you left?”

Jason winced the second it left his mouth. Too far. Definitely way too far, but he’d just gotten unexpectedly comfortable with the back and forth, and now he’d done the overstepping thing himself and was left with just dead air.

But ten seconds of heavy silence stretched into twenty, and went no further, as Nightwing sighed into his side of the phone again.

“The spiteful part of me wants to say it was more of a push than me just up and leaving,” he laughed again, but this time with unmistakable bitterness. “But even while that’s true, its not really the right answer to your question, because no matter how much of a clusterfuck that was at the time, its not…I mean, I knew at the time how to fix it. Where and how I needed to cave in order to make up with him and let things get back not quite to normal, but at least close enough.”

The pause wasn’t as heavy or tense this time, as Jason could almost sense the older man gathering his thoughts, trying to put them into words. He bit his lip rather than risk any more unexpected utterances escaping. This might not have been where he’d thought his phone call would lead, but now that he was here, hearing the answers to questions he’d wanted to ask for over a year and finding them almost comfortably familiar, he wasn’t going to risk distracting Nightwing or shutting him up for well. Anything.

“But it would have meant me caving. Settling in ways that I just…couldn’t. So in a way, yeah, I did leave, it was still my choice. And all of that was definitely a big part of it. I love Bruce, I do. I just couldn’t live with him anymore. Not without feeling like I had to give up my own autonomy and just be what he wanted. Or what he’d expected me to grow up to be, back when he first took me in. And as grateful as I am to him for that, I can’t honestly say I would have stuck around back then if I knew that was the price tag attached. I’m not…I don’t do well with people trying to force me to stick to one place, one thing. I was born on the road, you know? When I was a kid, I expected to spend the rest of my life living like that. Home was people. Not places. And so Gotham…its never fit me quite right, the way it does him, or even Barbara. Its not like I was miserable there, its just.”

“It wouldn’t have been your first choice,” Jason finished again, quietly. There was silence again for awhile.

“No. No, it wouldn’t have been. Not then.”

[tari-aldarion]

Hi, I wanted to ask your opinion on the recent drama in the 911 twitter fandom following #BlackLivesMatter (from Oliver, to fans criticizing actors who haven't spoken up, to calling out the official 911 account, etc)

First off, I’d like to preface all of this by saying: I am white. I will never truly be able to understand the systemic racism and bigotry that Black people in America suffer through and as such, my opinion is never going to matter as much as my Black friends, neighbors, fellow humans who actually have to endure that shit. 

Okay with that being said:

- Oliver’s been super active with sharing, supporting, and using his platform to try to amplify Black voices and struggles and I’m proud of him for that. But he himself pointed out that this is just basic decency of pointing out injustice. We should all be furiously supporting our Black neighbors by sharing, donating, actively speaking out against racism and police brutality. This is the bare minimum. 

- Oh boy, Ryan’s IG live....look, I love Ryan. I relate to him in a lot of ways with some of the things he’s said, particularly about his personality and how he interacts with the world, but jesus christ. As I watched him talk on his IG live, I just kept thinking “no, stop it, what are you saying” because like. I guess I kind of get what he was trying to say?? But Ryan! Sweetie! No! Slurs are not cool!!! I don’t care who’s permission you think you have to say them! In my research, I found an op-ed article from the NYT that came out right after the whole Gina Rodriguez n-word mess about the Latinx community using the racial slur and how it’s REALLY NOT COOL. It’s short and I would recommend that you give it a quick read. There’s one particular part I’m going to quote from it though because I think it really applies here:

“But as public figures whose language choices affect a greater number of people with different experiences and perspectives, it reflects poorly. And each star failed to understand the gravity of the word and its relationship to black pain, responding in tone-deaf, defensive non-apologies.

There is no justification for any white or white-presenting Latinx person to continue dropping the N-word knowing how hurtful it still is to Afro-Latinx and black peers...”

I mean. I think that pretty much sums it up. I do agree with Ryan’s tweet that we need to focus on supporting the Black community in their rightly justified anger, and hey, that also means not using slurs. I feel like, again, that’s just basic shit. 

One more quote from this other op-ed that I think also applies:

“Growing up in a Black community is not a free pass. Having Black friends who use it is not a free pass. Only using it when singing or rapping lyrics is not a free pass.

If you’re a Latin individual, nothing serves as a free pass to say the N-word. Period.

A large number of Black individuals use this word in their conversations and music as a way of reclaiming and making the word their own — and if you are Latinx, this is not your word to take back.”

Okay that’s all I’ll say on Ryan’s front. 

- As for the rest of the cast: Aisha and Rafa (even though he’s 911 LS) have been fairly active on twitter and instagram with posting links, giving support, and donating. I haven’t heard or seen anything about the rest of the cast, but in my opinion if you have a platform, it should be used to yell Black Lives Matter while donating and giving as much support as possible to the movement. 

- The official 911 account for sure needs to say something, imo. I was proud when they shined a spotlight on the racism inherent in police precincts/officers so they should definitely be ones to speak out....right??? I mean. You would think. Their tweet about supporting the frontlines and including a picture of a police officer (even one like Athena) was deeeefinitely poorly timed. 

They have a platform. They should use it. Bare. Minimum.

All right, Nonny, that’s what I got. 

I’ve got a lot of anger. A lot of tweets. A lot of petitions. A lot of resources that I’m working my way through because I’ve realized how really fucking uneducated I was, despite my efforts to the contrary. And, y’know that stimulus check I got a couple of months ago that was just sitting in my savings account? That shit got separated out and donated to a whole bunch of organizations because fuck this system and fuck this injustice.

[elliepassmore]

The Darkest Minds Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: dystopian, powers, road trips, found families TDM is one of those books you can just keep coming back to after years and still like it. I'm not sure if it's the road trip aspect to it or the realism or just that it's so damn good, but every time I think it's drifted off my favorites list, I'm reminded again in some way that I love the book. I think the way Bracken set up the world is fascinating. The story starts in flashbacks, and we see Ruby's first experience with death and with IAAN. The way the disease and the camps are built up I can actually see how one thing led to another which led to this alternate!USA that's basically a military dictatorship that put all the still-living kids in concentration camps (it would be funny if it wasn't sad how premonitory this aspect of the story is). The world has classified the kids based on the old State Department terrorist warning system, so Green is the least dangerous (just super smarts) and Red is the most dangerous (pyrokinesis). In the middle there's Blue (telekinesis), Yellow (electrokinesis), and Orange (mind control), though the government has done a damn good job of erasing all the Red and Orange kids. I like how the sense of bleakness and dystopia in the book also exudes a sense of freedom and 'anything's possible' at the same time. The first setting we see is Thurmond, one of the camps for the living kids, now dubbed 'Psi kids' for their powers. Thurmond is basically a bleak landscape that rotates between work and sleep with a thorough washing of mud and rain mixed in with fear and hatred. Bracken makes the setting visceral and it feels like you're there when Ruby is. The next setting we get is 'out in the world,' which doesn't turn out to be the boon Ruby thinks it is as, mentioned above, the US is basically a military dictatorship at this pointand the economy has down turned, meaning there's more ghost towns than not and just about everyone and their grandmother is looking for a Psi kid to bag and get a reward for. Ironically, this is the best and happiest setting out of all three, since this is where we're on the road trip in a very beat up black van called Black Betty after the song. Finally, there's East River, a safe haven for Psi kids by Psi kids. There, there is no color classification system and, while everyone works for their share, everyone seems happy and free. Beyond the setting, there's so many fantastic quotes in this book, from the first line of the first chapter (not the prologue): "Grace Somerfield was the first to die" (3), to the last paragraph of that chapter: "The government was never scared of the kids who miught die, or the empty spaces they would leave behind. They were afraid of us--the ones who live" (8), to the line that gives the book its title: "the darkest minds tend to hide behind the most unlikely faces" (456). The writing is in an interesting style I'm not quite sure how to classify. At times it seems like Ruby is directly talking to the reader, while at other times it's clear she isn't. But beyond that, there's just a richness to the writing that I enjoy. Obviously, all the kids are traumatized by their circumstances in one way or another. Ruby is afraid of her powers and of letting anyone touch her, and she's also generally mistrustful of the world that she's seen. Liam is definitely an optimist and wants to believe the best of everyone and the world, but there are definitely moments when it gets to be too much for him and he isolates himself. Chubs is cynical and extremely mistrustful (and feels a lot of guilt). Zu lives out her traumatic memories in her dreams, and has chosen to be nonverbal as a way of control. Other characters we see also have issues pertaining to the world around them. Ruby has a desire to protect people, but is also still wants the peace and freedom she believes she can find by living with her grandmother. Despite her wariness of the world, she is a tad too trusting of the other kids she finds in it, so long as they aren't obvious about the danger they pose. I did like that Bracken included bits in the beginning about Ruby having trouble socializing, even with other kids, because it had been so long since she'd actually communicated with anyone outside Thurmond. Liam definitely wants to protect and help other kids, sometimes to the point of putting himself in harm's way. He's extremely trusting, as both Ruby and Chubs point out, and likes to see the best in everyone and every situation. As the story unfolds, we see he has a lot of guilt over something that happened at his, Chubs', and Zu's camp, Caledonia, but he's still trying to make the world better for other kids. Liam's a refreshing character since, despite his optimism, he understands that nothing will ever be normal again, but he holds onto the hope that it can at least get better, and I feel like a lot of optimistic characters in books, especially dystopian ones, tend to be blindly or naively optimistic. Chubs is the most cynical of their group, and pretty much hates Ruby in the beginning simply for the danger she puts the others in by proximity. Once Ruby gets past his walls, however, it's obvious he cares a lot about the people he considers 'his,' and is willing to go to the mat to defend them. He wants the world to be better, but I don't think he necessarily believes in it like Liam does. He's definitely the bookish, mom friend, always reading or having knowledge about one thing or another and chastising the others when they do something that could get them killed or hurt. Out of all of them, I also think Chubs is the funniest and has some of the wittiest, if not the wittiest, lines in the book. Zu is alsohilarious. She has a way of expressing herself, either through facial expressions or writing that makes her a fun character to read. Despite everything, she's still so innocent in the world, and is the youngest of the group at 12, and it shows in the little things, like her picking out a bright red dress for Ruby to wear while they're on the run or how she'll sass the boys about one thing or another. Despite being light-hearted, Zu's also good at getting to the center of heavier subjects quickly and being serious when she needs to. Zu's one of my favorite characters in the series and I'm glad she got her own solo book. Relating to characters, one of the things I love most about this book is that Bracken gives us several antagonists. At large, the main antagonist is the world around the Black Betty gang. On the smallest scale, though, we have mini-antagonists that are the tribes of kids roaming around that don't necessarily have others' best intentions at heart as well as the League, who remain in the background but therethroughout the story. Then somewhere in the middle we have the other two antagonist characters. One, Lady Jane, is the skip tracer who caught Liam the first time and is after them again (and is very good at it). And the other is *SPOILER* Clancy Gray, aka the Slip Kid, who turns out to be the antagonist no one was expecting. He's a psychopath (clinically, imo, but the book doesn't actually say that) and has no problem manipulating Ruby and the others with his Orange powers, nor does he have any problem turning the kids of East River over to the PSFs. It's great because Bracken makes us hate him more than the other antagonists, despite him only being in the story for like, 10 chapters. *SPOILER END*. Liam Short-Story from Back of 2018 TDM Paperback Ed. 4/5 stars Liam feels younger in this story than I think he actually is. If I'm getting the timeline right, and he was with the League before he went to Caledonia, and he was in Caledonia for a year, then he's 16 or 17 in the story, around the same age Ruby is in the main one, but he feels younger, somewhere between 13 and 15. There are parts where he feels older, but mainly he feels like a kid. The story gives good background information on Liam, Cole, and the League. The story really goes to show how soft Liam is, even as a kid or in the League. There's a scene where he describes fighting back against some kids who were beating him up and how he bloody well felt guilty about it. True to character, though, he thinks the best of the League and the people in it until some pieces of info are dropped that aren't supposed to be and he ends up realizing the League is shit. In terms of the League, it's definitely as bad as Liam claims and Ruby realizes in TDM. In this story, they train kids to fight and go on ops, but not to use their powers or think for themselves. The training and the punishments associated with it are another kind of punishment, another kind of control over the 'freak kids' IAAN has left untouched. It's a military/assassination organization and it feels like it. It feels angry and vengeful and gross in that way places can have a trace of emotion. Finally, there's Cole. He only shows up a little in the story, but when he is there damn is he an asshole. It sounds like he inherited his and Liam's bio-dad's temper and lashes out when things don't go his way or when he's frustrated. Having read the rest of the series, I can say I feel bad for Cole and situation he's found himself in, but at the same time, I'm not sure if rage and lashing out are the best ways to deal with it.

[robertodacosta]

do you have any favorite new mutants or x-men comics? or even just really good ones with samberto moments

I got you on all three counts. I hope this is helpful! if it is and you have further questions, lmk! if it’s unhelpful and you’re confused, lmk what’s not working for you, and I can try and help.

NEW MUTANTS

New Mutants (1983)- i personally enjoy the Claremont run the most, and am lukewarm on Simonson’s and Liefeld’s runs, but it’s the Definitive nm title]

X-Force (1991)- skip the first 11 or so Liefeld issues, but absolutely start before #17, as its one of Sam’s best issues, full stop, and its an issue that explains to you how X-Force aren’t what the New Mutants once were, and aren’t what the X-Men are now. X-Force isn’t a NM book, but Sam, Roberto, and Dani are mainstays of this team at various parts of the book, Rictor, Tabitha and Jimmy aren’t part of the classic NM roster but they were all on the team/adjacent to the team before the formation of X-Force, and honestly, the lines blur together, XF and NM are 2 different teams, but it’s the same generation of X-Men. the child’s play arc and #75 are also great Xi’an cameos.

X-MEN UNLIMITED #43- reunion issue babey!!! it’s the o5 New Mutants solving a case together, with that sweet, sweet sienkiewicz art

New Mutants Forever (2011)- 5 issue mini set around the time of Fallen Angels, so Roberto and Warlock are referenced, but not in this book. it’s a good nm story, but no samberto, because no Roberto

New Mutants (2001) #13- the rest of the book has good Dani and Xi’an stuff, but this reunion issue is really nice for bringing the surviving team back together

New Mutants (2009) #1-25, 28- Zeb Wells run is great, #28 is a good issue because it actually acknowledges the massive amount of trauma this team has been subjected to, but the rest of Abnett’s run doesn’t do it for me, particularly the replacement of Sam, Xi’an, and Illyana with Nate and Blink. I like Dani leading the team outside of the context of the X-Men, but it’s a neat idea with boring execution imo

X-MEN

so honestly, when it comes to x-men comic recs, I’m of the opinion that it all comes down to personal preference. I gravitate towards runs that feature my favorite characters, so that’s reflected here. my best, most earnest reading rec for X-Men is to figure out which characters you vibe with, and to just read their appearances. if you’re overwhelmed with where to start, feel free to send me an ask at any point with any x-man, and I will give you recs to start with, because I have a shortlist for pretty much any 616 x-men.

but here are my arbitrarily chosen favorites.

X-Men Grand Design by Ed Piskor- I cannot recommend this enough as an entry x-comic. There are three books, two-issues each, that survey about 20 years of x-men history. the first two, X-Men Grand Design and X-Men Grand Design: Second Genesis, with the third releasing its first issue the final Wednesday in May.

Uncanny X-Men (1983) #214-252- everybody has a favorite run of uncanny. my favorite run is the australian outback x-men, because i’m a clown who likes Dazzler and Longshot. it’s a fun run, but you’ve just got to roll with the Maddie thing, and accept you skipped everyone recognizing she’s identical to Jean and choosing to ignore it. i also like the utopia run of uncanny, from #500 onwards.

X-Men (1991) #188-204- this is my FAVORITE run of x-men, both because it’s like, the second comic i ever read...........went and picked up the first x-men trade i could find at my local public library at age 17 after finishing whedon’s astonishing run, and I didn’t have a clue what was going on, but this team is so balls to the walls uncontained CHAOS that its still my favorite x-men run after rereading it in context.  it’s rogue’s proactive team of x-men, with a roster of cannonball, iceman, MYSTIQUE?, cable, sabretooth......., lady mastermind???????, and omega sentinel. some weird shit goes down and i don’t love the mystique writing, but it’s fun. its a good sam run that falls between his time on x-treme and leading the new mutants again, when he’s coping with jay’s death. thanks, mike carey. the run continues for 3 issues after 204, as part of the Messiah Complex arc. I like MC well enough, but not everyone does, and reading the 3 issues of this run out of context won’t be that interesting.

Storm (2014)- greg pak’s run, this is a really good solo and a good x-men book.

Longshot (1985) and Longshot Saves the Marvel Universe (2014)-these are both REALLY FUN BOOKS, especially if you like Longshot (I do). i reread them last night to rank all of Longshot’s appearances by how hot his glowing eye was, and both absolutely lived up to my own hype.

X-Treme X-Men (2013)- Dazzler leads x-men of the multiverse to kill evil Xaviers. she wears a cowboy hat. it’s only 13 issues. this concept sells itself.

SAMBERTO

Marvel Graphic Novel #4 to see how they meet

I’d rec reading all the way through New Mutants (1983) and at least Fallen Angels #1 to see their friendship develop as students!

X-Force (1991)- particularly #15, 17, 44

Young X-Men #1-6

Astonishing Tales (2009), the ‘Bobby and Sam Go to Mojoworld’ story. this story is uh. has some stuff going on. not my favorite hickman writing. can’t really recommend it on good conscience as a comic, but if you want samberto recs, it’s literally a book about Roberto having Sam come to his home so they can vacation together,  and ending up in Mojoworld. 

Avengers (2013)- start with #2 for Roberto and Sam on vacation together AGAIN getting recruited for the Avengers, and just read the entire run, because it’s hard to skip around in. also, I don’t remember which issues have good samberto moments, but it’s really fun to see them be the Avengers resident dumb bros.

Avengers World #9- this is non-negotiable. this issue is the new testament of the samberto bible. the things they say to each other in this issue sound like personalized wedding vows.

New Avengers (2016) #10-18- Sam commutes through space weekly to be on Roberto’s team. his two priorities in life are his wife and son, and Roberto. buddy...............it’s time to self-reflect.

US Avengers-it’s like 12 issues, the first issue is really sweet, and then there’s a whole arc about Roberto and the US Avengers having to go to space to rescue Sam when he’s assumed dead. it’s fun!

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 412

Only one more week until Droughtlander, y’all! To start with the positive, I fucking love the Murgsali parts of this episode. Seriously, I know I sound like a broken record but saving Murtagh was literally the best choice this show has made. I would watch the shit out of a spin-off of just that trio’s adventures. Germain can come too.

I still can’t muster a single fuck, flying- or otherwise, to give about Roger. So basically this episode was pretty much like every other episode. I loved some shit, hated some shit, and overall came away with the lingering question of why I still spend so much time on a show that’s barely recognizable as the one I used to fucking love.

At least Dry January is still going strong. Quite proud of myself about that, tbh...

Roger: *runs the gauntlet* Marie Kondo: Does this spark joy? Me: Absofuckinglutely.

Guys I fucking love the Murtagh and Fergus relationship. I love it so fucking much. I cannot wait to see where that goes next season, especially since they’re all headed to live on the Ridge now.

And since this episode isn’t focused on LJG being in love with Jamie, I’m so here for him in this episode. I swear this show gives me whiplash with its characters. Like it’s not a “people are complicated” sort of thing. It’s a “crappy trope that needs to go away” or a “they just did something out of character, wtf” sort of thing.

I get Jamie not wanting Bree to murder Bonnet. I totally understand him not wanting her to have to live with taking a life. But I’m not fully on board with the whole “you need to forgive” stuff. Both here and in the book. Holding hate in your heart will eat away at you and prevent you from moving forward, sure. But you can put things behind you without forgiving the people who wronged you. What Bonnet did to Bree was fucking awful. He’s completely unrepentant. If Bree wants to forgive him, fine. It happened to her, so it’s her call and no one else’s how she should proceed. For me personally, I don’t think he’s worthy of forgiveness. I wouldn’t forgive him if it were me. I’ve thankfully never been in that exact situation, but I’ve been through my own shit and honestly, I’ve chosen not to forgive some people, because that’s asking me to not only endure what they did but also do the emotional work of forgiving them when they’re not sorry. That’s asking a bit too much, imo. Just put them aside and move on, it comes with its own sort of acceptance and peace. Each to their own, I guess.

“This man cannot be good. He was sold by his own people.” I mean, where’s the lie, haha. Yeah he was sold for the wrong reasons, and it’s never ok to SELL SOMEONE INTO SLAVERY (FFS!), but yes, Roger’s a twatwaffle.

“You have learned nothing.” The Mohawk elder speaks the truth, tbh.

Kaheroton telling Roger that he should not smile upon Johiehon had me like yaaas. Sure, Roger’s starved for human kindness or whatever, but like he’s also a chronic inappropriate interact-er with women/crush haver. Like he literally becomes a minster because people think he’s having an affair with one of the Ridge widows. He gets himself hanged because he kisses his great-great-etc.-grandmother. He’s creepily into Claire. I am so here for him being called out for being a fuckboi, haha.

This show is two for two in failing to make me care about rando fallen priests.

Marsali seeing right through Fergus’ attempt at blaming Germain and seeing exactly what he’s up and being like fuck yes, let’s do this thing is my fucking favorite.

I LOVE MARSALI A LOT OK. I AM FUCKING RIDE OR DIE FOR THAT WOMAN.

Y’all have I mentioned how much I fucking love Fersali? Because I fucking love Fersali. They remind me of what Claire and Jamie used to be. *pours one out for the couple that was*

Question though, are we assuming that Fergus knows all about Wentworth because they told him about it after he was raped for Jamie’s story in season two? Getting rull tired of being expected to fill in a bunch of shit that should be shown...

But man, I am so fucking pumped for them to move to the Ridge. I hope it means we get much more of them next season.

I know I’m biased because I have a lot of Opinions about organized religion but basically all this stuff with the priest has me just rolling my eyes. Like cool for him that he like believes in stuff, but also like, do what makes you happy, bruh? You only have one life? *exercises what little self-restraint I have to not go off on a ramble that ties this whole plot line into how being raised Catholic really fucked me up*.

I literalol’ed every time they show Roger trying to fucking Shawshank his way out of the fucking Idiot Hut. Like bro. This thing is made of leaves and branches. Just fucking snap the string or whatever is holding the branches in place and shift them enough to make a hole to squeeze out of.

The Idiot Hut is aptly named.

So in this episode, handfasting means they’re married again. I cannot even with how frustrating it is that this show can’t make up its mind about what it means.

This whole speech of Roger’s about how he’s an idiot is like yeah, no shit, Sherlock. You’re a fucking douchecanoe.

By the end of it, it comes off like he’s the guy from You. Like yeah, you didn’t deserve to be sold into slavery, but buddy. You’re not the victim in your relationship with Bree here. You might not be a serial killer, but your inner Joe Goldberg is showing...

“Like an idiot, I pursued her through time and space, determined to prove to myself and the universe that I did love this woman, just like all those great love stories written by all those great idiots.” Red flag number one, you wanted to prove to yourself and the universe that you loved Bree, but not prove it to Bree? The one person you’d think you’d want to make things right with?

"I pursued her and chased her and finally tracked her down and convinced her to marry me.” Holy fucking stalker, Batman. This comes off as the opposite of romantic. Get yourself a restraining order, Bree!

“We said angry words to each other.” That’s a funny way to say “I was a complete fuckwad to her,” Rog.

“I intended to go home, but then I changed my mind and went back, like an idiot.” Sorry not sorry, but if I were ever with a guy who thought choosing to be with me made him an idiot, I’d fucking run for the hills.

The writers clearly think this is supposed to be like endearing us to Roger and his love of Brianna but really it’s just making him seem like a fucking toxic stalker who’s convinced he’s a Nice Guy™. Roger just keeps channeling his inner Frank. He wants his personal ideal of a relationship with Brianna, with no thought to what she herself wants. He’s fucking repulsive, just like Frank was (even pre-stones). So naturally the show wants us to root for him. *wishes it were February so I could have a drink*

Uh, buddy? Do you know Johiehon wants to leave with the priest? Or are you just being you and assuming/not caring what the woman feels/wants for herself?

Fun fact, we’re still with these idiots in their Idiot Hut and I still can’t muster a single fuck to give about either of them.

Don’t @ me that I’m a dummy because I’m missing the deep and meaningful and yada yada whatever bullshit that they’re doing with these scenes. I know what they’re trying to do. It’s not working for me. At all. Sorry not fucking sorry.

#TeamBadFan5Eva

If we forget about the blackmail and rape threat and creepy being in love with her dad, I’m 10000% more invested in Bree and LJG’s fake engagement than I am in Bree and Roger. But jfc, that’s a lot to be asked to forget.

I’m still not really here for the Bree side of the prison stuff, but the Fergus and squad rescuing Murtagh part is excellent.

I really wish they would have put a definitive end to Bonnet in this episode. Ed Speelers does a great job with him, but he’s honestly not an interesting enough character to merit sticking around as long as he does in the books. Like if we have even more condensed seasons five and six, why the fuck can’t we just be done with him now?

FUCK YEAH FERGUS AND HIS REGULATOR SQUAD!

I hated Bree visiting Bonnet in the book and I really hate it here too. Like yes, if this is what Bree wants and she thinks it will help her, then great. She gets to decide what she wants to do. But this whole comforting your rapist thing just reeks of a fucking woman doing fucktons of emotional labor for the sake of the person who caused her so much fucking trauma. Literally the only part of this scene that remotely works for me is when she gets angry and tells him that he will be forgotten. Like, he’s a sociopath and he gives no shits about you or what he did to you. Why are you trying to make him feel better? I know it’s supposed to be for her, but that’s not how it plays to me...

Le sigh.

I fucking love the scene with Lord John and Fergus. Fucking love it.

(I’m guessing we’re supposed to assume that Fergus and Lord John met in Jamaica at the party in a bit we didn’t see? I think it might have been mentioned at some point, but I can’t remember specifics...)

Murtagh and Lord John fighting over who’s going to take Bree and then agreeing on what’s best for her? Here. For. It.

Y’all, I just want a whole show about this exact squad. Jamie and Claire are so meh now that it’s tough to be invested in them anymore. Roger’s still the fucking worst. But this squad. This squad is my fucking JAM.

But for real, why did we not get a scene where Bree meets Fergus and Marsali. Because this prison break is literally the first time we’ve seen them together and we don’t even know if they’ve met before. You’re killing me show.

Since Murgsali is moving to the Ridge, we’d better get a bunch of Bree and Jem with Marsali and Germain and Fergus next year.

This whole monologue of Roger’s as he’s deciding what to do is supposed to be like showing that he cares for people more than himself (despite his whole creepy spiel in the Idiot Hut) or some shit but like he’s just again ignoring what someone told him to do because that’s his MO. He’s like constantly playing the martyr card when no one even wants him around. Fuck off, Roger.

This priest and his girlfriend honestly don’t merit the amount of screen time they got. Like cool that Roger puts him out of his misery or whatever, but also this is the second to last episode so why the fuck are we spending it on two randos we don’t care about? Because it’s Outlander. So of course this is how we’re spending it.

Johiehon throwing herself into the fire is supposed to be like romantic and shit or reminiscent of Claire offering to die with Jamie at Culloden or whatever, but it really doesn’t work for me. Because honestly, she deserves better. The priest could have chosen to be with her but he picked his faith instead. So why should she die for a man who made her his second choice.

Also like, Kaheroton crying also comes off as creepy because like, dude she just wasn’t into you. Him being upset that Johiehon died doesn’t play like him being sad that a woman from his village killed herself, it comes across like the guy who was “friendzoned” (don’t get me started on that concept...) being sad the woman he was fixated on is gone so he doesn’t have a chance (he never had a chance) with her anymore.

But hey, remember how awesome Murgsali is? Murgsali is the fucking best.

MURGSALI 5EVA!!!

[briangroth27]

Annabelle Comes Home Review

Annabelle Comes Home is a respectable and dependably spooky addition to the Conjuring franchise. It isn't the scariest—none of the spin-offs have been able to touch The Conjuring 1 or 2 yet—but this is my third-favorite film in this ever-growing horror shared universe and I had a lot of fun watching it!

Full Spoilers…

It was great to have Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) and Ed Warren (Patrick Wilson) back in more than just stock footage, even if they still had reduced roles. I’m glad they touched on the real-life questions surrounding the veracity of the Warrens’ investigations: that’s a good aspect to mine for drama, both for them and for Judy (McKenna Grace) with her peers at school. As far as the Warrens go, it’s hard to play that real-life public scrutiny any further than they do here: there’s no question whether ghosts are real in the movies since we can plainly see that they are. This film finds the Warrens in a more traditional horror setup, with them out of the house and the terrors affecting the teenagers left home alone, but the movie’s creators found the right balance to keep them recognizably “the Warrens” while also exploring that setup. Plus, Farmiga and Wilson are both so good in these roles that it’s nice to see them in whatever new situations the writers can cook up! This setup offered a peek into their home life when they’re not on an investigation and brought a little more variety to this cinematic universe’s offerings. The one thing I would’ve liked from Lorraine and Ed this time was a discussion about whether or not they should continue keeping their haunted vault room in their house with their daughter. They have to decide that they will, given it still exists in the Conjuring films, but I would’ve liked to hear the thought process behind keeping it. Did they have second thoughts at all? Do they just trust that the kids have learned their lesson? Did Judy reassure them that she’d be fine, either through her actions here or with a newfound strength uncovered by the film’s events? Might they even use the archives room to train Judy in the use of her paranormal sensitivity to some degree? (Probably not, given that would mean intentionally exposing her to dangerous demons). 

Like the Warrens, the rest of the characters were very likable and engaging. I greatly appreciated that the kids at the center of this film weren't the typical dumb teenagers messing with haunted things for fun or because of carelessness, but were instead aware of and at least a little respectful of the power of the Warren's archives. They were also capable in their own right (at least, as much as they could be in the face of this sort of danger). Judy's struggle with her burgeoning paranormal powers was well-handled and this was one hell of a first experience! The fallout at school from the questions about her parents' honesty was both a smart place to plant the seeds for the movie's main plot and to explore the unexpected (and until now, unexplored in this series) effects on Judy. I wonder if they’ll take liberties and have Judy grow up to follow in her parents’ footsteps someday, because Judy going from scared, lonely kid to opening herself up to the supernatural to save her friends was a great arc that could easily build into a new sub-franchise (particularly as we haven’t seen Lorraine’s early experiences with her supernatural abilities at an extended length). Grace did great with that transition and she was also really good at playing the more everyday character beats like Judy’s conflicting hesitancy and eagerness to open up to a new friend (Katie Sarife) despite pretty much everyone she knew thinking she was a freak (a very relatable tween/teen struggle). That development was a nice, grounded parallel to Judy’s sensitivity to the supernatural. I liked the idea that there would logically be good ghosts out there in addition to the demons the Warrens investigated, just like not all people are bad. That bit of wisdom was a cool moment for Judy’s babysitter and (initially) only friend Mary Ellen (Madison Iseman) to help Judy on her journey, giving Judy the courage to lean into her abilities to help save the day.

Mary Ellen was a refreshing change of pace as a responsible babysitter who truly cared about her charge. I liked her friendship with Judy and their scenes together felt totally natural and lived-in, as if their hangouts had been going on for years. I also enjoyed her displaying no hesitation to trying to put an end to the ghosts once she knew what was going on. Iseman’s acting and Mary Ellen’s writing also made good use of the push and pull between her responsibility to take care of Judy and Daniella’s intrusion into both the Warrens’ house and her romantic life. Mary Ellen’s awkward flirtation/burgeoning romance with Bob (Michael Cimino) was cute and the film included just enough of it to sell their mutual attraction and chemistry, while keeping it at a realistic level for teens who knew each other but didn't really hang out (so there was no "it's totally love already!"). The one beat that rang a little false for me was Mary Ellen and co. going “We’re totally fine!” at the end of all that terror: that was a touch too glib IMO, but as teens trying to save face in front of their peers—especially the guy she liked—it still worked. Besides that, I’m glad the horrors here weren’t just laughed off and there was an honest discussion with the Warrens about this being a serious incident.

Mary-Ellen's friend Daniella gets that talk and it was a nice show of responsibility that she’s the one who pushed Lorraine to call her out on her mistake. Throughout the movie, she was well-drawn not just as a dumb teen looking to stir up some ghosts for laughs, but as someone who had real pathos in wanting to see her dad (Anthony Wemmys) again. While you’re spending the movie thinking that she should absolutely not be exploring the vault and trying to contact her dad, her performance and the writing make it totally understandable that she would. I bought her sadness and guilt and thought she walked the line between accomplishing her agenda and genuinely caring about Mary Ellen and Judy very well. I also liked that she truly seemed interested in Judy as a person, even if she was also using her to see her dad again (if only she’d just asked Judy which artifact could help her!). All three of the central girls have a similar complexity to their characters, pulled between what they want and what’s been forced on them (Judy’s powers and the isolation caused by them and her parents’ reputation), what they’ve been hired to do (Mary Ellen, though she would still be Judy’s friend; her arc has the least tension), and what they’ve convinced themselves they have to do (Daniella seeing her dad again, which makes her a nice foil for Judy in that the paranormal is what she’s seeking but her pull away from it comes from befriending Judy). That’s a cool common building block to these characters that immediately makes them multi-dimensional, a state that’s only further enhanced by the actresses’ performances. Ben was fun as an awkward teen with a crush, and I liked that he wasn’t too toxic, like you might expect from a high school boy in a horror movie. Another refreshing twist (and a bonus gift stemming from the public scrutiny about the Warrens’ cases) was that all the kids readily accepted that ghosts were real rather than having to go through the motions of beginning to believe in them.

While this was entertaining, I’m over Annabelle as an antagonist at this point: she was fine here, but the other ghosts definitely felt like more of a threat and stole the show while it felt like the doll didn’t do much of anything (even though it was the object pulling the other ghosts to the house). I wouldn’t mind if this were the last Annabelle movie, as it seems like they’ve said all there is to say about the doll. They also included a nice full-circle tie back to Annabelle Creation with a brief vision of her human self (Samara Lee), making it feel even more like this is the last one. Thankfully, there was a sizable monster mash of new ghosts here too! While I would’ve liked some more focus on each of them (a longer haunting act would’ve been nice), I liked what we got and there was a solid variety to the types of scares they generated. The Ferryman was scary and I liked the mythology behind him as well as his appearance. The the coins hitting the floor and rolling in to view to herald his approach were really creepy-cool, and the rules about him appearing in the dark vs. disappearing in the light were used against and by him really effectively. At one point I was hoping the “werewolf” case would be the basis of Conjuring 3 since it seemed like an original take on both a possession and a werewolf movie, but I guess not. Still, I liked that they got some classic werewolf imagery out of the Black Shuck (Douglas Tait) when it ripped up the car. The Bride (Natalia Safran) and the typewriter brought a classic ghost sensibility to the mix and the Feeley Meeley game was bizarre even before it was haunted! The movie definitely left me wanting to know more about the other ghost artifacts in the Warrens’ vault, especially the cursed samurai armor and the future-telling TV. Maybe they could make a web series or something exploring the cases that brought the vault objects to the Warrens’ attention! 

Annabelle Comes Home has a strong cast with well-written and atypically alert characters facing a good variety of specters. The pacing’s solid: they take their time introducing us to the characters, which helped generate fear for them when they were put in danger and made the film feel like a throwback to 70s horror, which is fitting given the film’s setting. It also helped to defuse any knee-jerk “this is a real dumb plan” reactions to Daniella trying to contact her dad because she explained her mission enough for me to be invested in it (giving her such a strong a need to see him also avoids any “this is what you get for being stupid” reactions when her quest puts everyone in danger because I felt sorry for her). Jump scares don’t bother me—they’re fun too!—and this movie definitely has some effective ones along with the creepy visuals (like the denizens of a graveyard (Sheila McKellan and others) approaching the Warrens’ car that only Lorraine can see). The paranormal attacks seemed more intense overall in the Conjuring films and Annabelle Creation, which are probably the three scariest entries in this franchise so far (though I liked this one and these characters better than Creation’s). The music, both the score and the 70s songs, was well used to creepy effect.

This movie might not have been necessary, strictly-speaking, since we already saw Annabelle get loose in the first Conjuring, but it was definitely a lot of spooky fun! It's a solid haunted house flick with a strong cast and that’s exactly what it needed to be. It’s also a good ending to Annabelle’s spin-off trilogy and got me ready for the next Conjuring with the focus shifting back to the Warrens (and maybe Judy this time?). You should definitely check this out!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!

[cripdeaf]

Why do you feel the need to exaggerate and lie about your illnesses? I don't doubt you're ill, but you just pick up every single disability going around. You're not blind or deaf, and certainly not paralysed. What's the point in lying?

Hi, are you my doctors? No? Then why do you feel the need to come here and do this every couple of months? I’m assuming you’re same person who’s been stalking me on here for the last year; if you are, I’m sorry for being an abusive shit to you, but I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve by constantly sending me anon asks yelling at me for being a fake.I’m so fucking tired of this; why do you think this is okay? What the hell do you want from me? I don’t know what to tell you, anon; either you’re doing this just to be an asshole, or you won’t fuck off until I hand you a diagnosis letter on a silver fucking platter.

Also, you do realise to get hearing aids (especially fully government subsidised ones), you don’t just get tested once, right? You do realise that getting an ophthalmology referral isn’t all sunshine and daisies, right? You do realise that spine issues are often degenerative, and also accompany EDS a lot, right?I have spent years trying to be as abled as I possibly can, and I am sick of it. It is exhausting. It is painful. I am done.

Or do you think I’m saying I’m profoundly deaf and totally blind? Because that’s not what I’m saying at all; deafness is a wide range of things, as is blindness.If it’ll sate your shitty attitude, I’ll explain my experiences medically with deafness and blindness, and you can ask another Australian d/Deaf / HoH and / or blind / VI person if I’m bullshitting or not.

It’s also helpful info for other d/Deaf / HoH and / or blind / VI and / or paralysed folx to have this information, so I’ll probably copy-paste it into its own post at some point.

Here’s how getting hearing aids under the Hearing Services Program, specifically the Community Service Obligation part of it (for folx under 26); you get your hearing tested, either through Australian Hearing or another audiologist (I went to the audiology clinic run by Melb Uni on Swanston St, on recommendation of my doctor after knowing I’m deaf for my whole life but just not having a diagnosis because “my child cannot be disabled in any way”, which is something a lot of d/Deaf / HoH and disabled folx experience). They a bunch of different tests; almost all of them are relating to pure tone (beeping noise), where you press a button when you hear the sound, often with various levels of static masking in your other(?) ear. Pretty sure it’s masking in the opposite ear; never figured that part out, even after four different tests in the last year. It sounds like it’s coming from all over.Some of the tests are about word recognition; I, personally, have about 70% in my left ear (with sound magnification), I think? It’s been a while since I got the number. I do pretty well, but they’re also single-syllable words that’re really clearly enunciated, so that definitely helps.Some of them are automatic, and you cannot fake these. These are mostly used for hearing aid tuning, in my experiences; example is when I went in a couple of weeks ago to get my new earmoulds and have them turned up, they did an automatic test to check exactly what needed to be turned up (my high ranges).So, after your initial test, if you’re not with Australian Hearing, they’ll transfer you to them; if you are, they’ll chat to you about what you want out of HAs, what kind of colours you’re after, etc.; I wanted Bluetooth, telecoil (for hearing loops), and nice colours. Sadly, I only got one of those things, and my audiologist is chasing down someone to ask if we can apply for new HAs already because we’re not meeting my goals for them—unfortunately, the colour thing isn’t gonna change though. I got white to make sure they’d be visible regardless of my hair colour, though I wanted this really nice light blue.Anyways, so they order the hearing aids, you come back a few weeks later, have another hearing test; this test determines the initial programming for your HAs, though they’ll be tuned here and there over the next few weeks depending on how well they’re working (or not) for you. This stage is the worst part of it, honestly.For me, I also had to go back and get my earpieces changed a few times because I don’t have the right kind of canals for soft tips, but I also don’t have the right kinds of canals for discrete moulds (plus, they’re uncomfy, imo), but it’ll heavily depend on your needs, the shape of your ears, etc.

I have visual acuity of 6/60 (20/200) + 1 I think; I can see, I just struggle to determine what the fuck I’m looking at unless it’s A) big, or B) I’m straining my eyes (bad for you!! don’t do this!!!). This is pretty common in blind / VI folx, as not every one of us can’t see anything; legal blindness and total blindness are different. I am legally blind (in Australia and the US, at least; not sure about other countries) and also have a near-vision classification of N18, which is moderate near vision impairment. I sometimes wear glasses to read, and it makes things a little clearer, but ultimately, it’s just more hassle than it’s worth to me, so I mostly just struggle and go without.With my distance vision, glasses stopped helping me a few years ago (I’ve been wearing them since I was ten), and I’ve been seeing optometrists a lot lately to keep an eye (ha) on it because it’s been getting worse, especially with floaters and little grey dots that occasionally pop into view; I’ve seen three in the last five or six months because of it. What optometrists can do is pretty limited overall, so at the most recent visit the optometrist just went “we can’t do anything, there’s no signs of retinal detachment or anything, you need someone with better tools”, so now I’ve been referred to the Royal Eye & Ear Hospital and am waiting to hear back from them.

Deafblindness also doesn’t follow the rules of legally blind.For someone to be Deafblind, it just means they’re VI and also Deaf; it’s dual sensory impairment, and how being deaf and VI intersect when it comes to interacting with the world around us. Not every Deafblind person is profoundly deaf and totally blind; it’s a huge misconception!So, no, needing glasses and being d/Deaf doesn’t make you Deafblind, but being visually impaired (”having decreased ability to see to a degree that causes problems not fixable by usual means, such as glasses”) and also d/Deaf does. It’s more of a cultural group than anything.Most commonly (afaik), Deafblind folx have Usher’s Syndrome, but not everyone does, and deafblindness can come from various things, both genetic and acquired; genetic stuff, of course, is luck of the draw. Having a connective tissue disorder did me no favours in keeping my sight—which was better than 20/20 when I was really little, by the way, so it’s interesting now thinking back about it. I’ve been losing my vision in “chunks” since I was about ten; not great, but it is what it is. I’m okay with it; I’m not afraid of it anymore, and that’s why I’m open about it now.

Now onto paralysis:Paralysis is a pretty broad term, and it doesn’t just mean “can’t move at all”, it can mean “can’t move well”, or “struggles with fine motor movement”, or plenty of other stuff; I have paralysis caused by spinal cord damage over the course of my life, as well as repeated herniated discs and spinal cysts, which has landed me in and out of hospital a lot in the last couple of years.For me, paralysis is I have hypertonia and struggle to move my legs, especially lifting them when I’m sitting or laying down; I had to talk to a neurosurgeon about this back in February and was told “if this gets worse you’re going to need spinal surgery” and proceeded to sweep that under the rug because let’s not deal with major surgery right now, thanks. I’m also now taking Lyrica to help manage the neuropathic pain I get from this; takes the edge off a little, so that’s nice.wrt my upper body, I have a lot of issues with trunk control and getting myself back up from leaning, especially to the back, as well as II also sometimes piss and shit myself because I often have moments of “wait, is this spine pain, or do I need to shit?” and just general struggles with holding it until I get to a bathroom (especially when I’m having to chase down security guards to get them to unlock the bathroom). Thankfully, it’s not an overly common occurrence, but it still sometimes is one.A lot of this is suspected to be caused by two bike accidents and someone (a kid) falling on me from two storeys up when I was nine, because I wasn’t the most self-aware child, but the rest is just chronic illness being a chronic illness and going “hey, remember me? I brought you more stuff!” (like the cyst).

Also, in case you want proof of anything:[ID: a pair of white hearing aids with red dragon stickers on them, connected to clear skeleton moulds, and sitting on a yellow cloth, inside a grey, vaguely egg-shaped box. Sitting on the bottom half of the box are two blue Post-It tabs reading “Go Fuck Yourself,” and “Anon”, respectively, in green marker.]

idk how you’d have me prove anything else, but this is a good starting point.

If you’d like to actually talk to me about this, I’m more than happy to, even if it’s from a throwaway blog, go ahead, I don’t mind, just please stop spreading harmful “gotcha” rhetoric; even if I was faking it, who’s the next “actually disabled” person whose disability supports get cut because of false accusations? Because it happens. People die from this sort of thing.

[tanadrin]

under a cut because long, disorganized, self-indulgent

ok so the Lende Empire isn’t really feudal; I despise feudal stasis in fantasy, like even the shortest timeline puts the Andal invasion at more than 2,000 ybp in Game of Thrones, you really think in all that time everybody on the continent is dumb enough to not invent a better plough? or glass just good enough to grind lenses? or make small improvements in windmill design? and all that shit adds up and BAM before you know it, you've got metallurgy good enough to make a steam engine with, so no matter what BS magical physics you come up with, if things work at the human scale even remotely like they do in our world, your age of knights and castles and dragons not having to contend with antiaircraft guns has a limited shelf-life.

(and that's interesting! And more people--by which i mean people besides Terry Pratchett, who did this wonderfully--should write about high fantasy worlds before they reached Medieval Stasis Mode, and after they left it! I would fukkin kill to read a good high fantasy book that also had, like spaceships in it. Insofar as genre conventions have evolved not according to the internal logic of the worlds they depict but according to how and for what reason they serve as commentaries on specific aspects of our own world and its history, and are aimed at evoking certain emotions, it's understandable why such generic mishsmashes are relatively uncommon. But people also definitely read speculative fiction because they like internally cohesive worlds very different from our own, so it is my fondest hope that this sort of thing becomes more popular going forward)

(you can of course also have fantasy worlds which are *not* very much like our own world at human scale. Greg Egan actually does this in a science fiction mode, but as long as you're positing a world where dimensions of space are hyperbolic like time or where humans change sex every time they have sex because trading a detachable symbiotic penis is part of having an orgasm, whether you call this stuff "different science" or "magic" is really beside the point. I have an idea I've been batting around for a while about a world divided, like Evan Dahm's Overside, or the two parallel worlds in Fringe, except part of the division is not just physical, but metaphysical. Morality itself in each subworld is defective, because each subworld got a different part of a morally and metaphysically unified whole: thus, for reasons nobody can understand, almost every ethical system derived by people resident in only one subworld is deeply defective, and would be horrifying to us--as though, perhaps, our own complex and nuanced moral landscape that we wrestle with was a kind of grand unified theory whose symmetry had been broken, and which was only understood piecemeal, as totally separate concepts. And of course, if you live in one subworld everyone from the other subworld is a horrifying monster whose morality is totally incomprehensible to you, so you reflexively treat them as an enemy.)

History isn't just one thing after another. I mean, okay, it is, but it's *also* the aftereffects of those things, the things that stick around forever and can't be gotten away from. And just like how if you want to understand our own world you need to look at what it was like five years ago, and to understand what it was like five years ago you need to look at what it was like ten years ago, and fifteen, ad nauseam, until you're suddenly back at World War II, or the Holy Roman Empire, or Sumer, or struggling through the ever-increasing fog of a steadily more ambiguous archeological record, well, this is as true for politics and language as it is the material aspects of society. In the same way maps feel insufficient when the artist doesn't think about what's beyond the edge of the page (not to knock on GRRM too much, but if you put all the continents and seas in his world on the same map, you notice they're all really... rectangular. Like he drew them to fit individual pieces of paper. Rivers and island arcs get compressed when they near a margin. Seas are just voids. Nothing ever has to be moved to a little box in a corner to fit. there's no attempt at verisimilitude), I think invented worlds feel insufficient when the writer asks you to take them seriously as a reflection of our own, or an aspect of our own, but neglects to at least suggest their place in a larger whole.

I wanted with the Lende Empire to have something that still let me have a lot of early centuries of sword-and-horse style adventures (because i started writing about Lende when I was thirteen and had just finished the Silmarillion for the second time), and I wanted when writing its history to still be able to take big chunks of story I stole from Norse legends and medieval poetry and dump them almost whole into the setting, but I also wanted the history not to read like a fantasy history--or not just a fantasy history. What I mean is, when you read something like the Silmarillion, or when a character in a fantasy world relates some legend to you, even if it's referred to as an old and ambiguous tale, you still often feel like that's really what happened. Like, for me, one of the chief emotional attractions to something like the tales of the wars of the Goths and Huns, or Beowulf's description of Migration Age Denmark filtered through Anglo-Saxon poetic tropes, or the Icelandic family sagas, is that we really have a hard time knowing how much of it is true, how much of its is plausible embellishment, and how much of it is anachronistic nonsense or pure bullshit. Is the Njala based on a faithfully recounted tradition passed down orally for a few hundred years? Who knows! Not us. We know a guy named Njal got burned in his house around 1000 AD, but much of the mystery and the poignancy of stories like that for me lies in the difficulty of ascertaining their relationship to the truth.

What I want(ed) was something that when you read it made you think "ok, obviously the narrator is trying their best, but even they don't know exactly what the fuck happened; this is probably one third ambiguous tradition, one third solid, one third bullshit." So the Chronicle of Lende has some stuff in it that's intentionally difficult to reconcile. It has weird tonal shifts. The first third owes a lot to the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle and the sagas and the Hildebrantslied; the middle is closer to the Silmarillion, or the history of Rome when told more from the Great Man perspective than the Impersonal Forces one, and the last third starts out that way but goes some weird places and veers off at the end to what is obviously a symbolic and highly abstracted mode of narration which, in relating the destruction of the Empire imitates the way in which its beginning is related (for in-universe Thematic Reasons), *but* while all this is going on, the hope is that the reader is *also* able to glimpse through these ambiguities and stylistic quirks, and incompatibilities, and weird digressions involving talking animals or the spirit world, a society that's undergoing familiar demographic and social and technological transitions: moving from oral culture agrarianism to the beginnings of a real urban civilization, with a centralized state and the written word, and like Western Europe having to figure out a social structure in the absence of any good nearby imperial models (they end up with something more like fraternal warrior societies being deputized to control land rather than feudal lords, but the essential logic is the same); but then moving to a real model of administrative statehood, as infrastructure and technology improve, before industrialization kicks off, the population explodes, social tensions inherent in that begin tearing at the seams of society, and the horrors of industrialized warfare are unleashed.

There are meant to be striking differences, too, of course. Lende history is only about a thousand Earth years long, and it's confined mostly to the western side of a continent split by a huge, Himalayan-like mountain range. Its rapid rise and increase in technological sophistication are due to exogenous factors (genuine divine intervention in some cases), and equally even the True Secret History of the empire's destruction has no real-world parallels, at least not since the Channeled Scablands formed 14,000 years ago. It's also teeeechnically science fiction and not fantasy, though that distinction really rests on tone and not on setting IMO. But I don't think it's possible to tell what feels like a real history of a world without sometimes radically changing genres: our own history goes from dry science (geology, paleontology, archeology) to legend and myth and scripture, to dusty old classical history and books penned by ancients who sometimes have startlingly different notions about what merits mention in a story and how to tell one, to tales of kings and queens and conquerors, before emerging blinking in the sunlight of dry matter of fact narration again. I have always believed conventions, including those of genre and style, should be tools and not straightjackets. The best worldbuilding literature I have read steals from a huge variety of sources (and Pratchett deserves a mention here again, alongside Susanna Clarke, and Ada Palmer, and the people who wrote the Elder Scrolls backstory, and Sofia Samatar, and Angelica Gorodischer).

[spiralledcupid]

Spoon Views: My Hero Academia Season 3

Episode 6: Roaring Upheaval

And here we are again after another great episode ! I have to admit, I had trouble with this one, just because I had to fit in my hour+ watching time into the 45 minutes I had before Eurovision started. I did it though !! But this isn’t a Eurovision recap, so let’s get started with what we’re actually here for.

Okay, first here’s something personal I noticed. Those of you who keep up with these review things will know I hate the intro they have going on with a passion, but today I realised I’ve been so busy hating it I don’t actually know what happens in it. So well done me for that.

Into the actually episode, is it just me who’s getting damn stressed about Midoriya’s injuries like ??

Is there not like a first aid kit somewhere, or can someone not call an ambulance or ?? He’s just badly stressin me out, like I’ve read the manga so I know what happens but even that doesn’t make it less stressful.

Onto Dark Shadow,,, Like I said before, I’ve read the manga, but the small panels cannot get across how scary this is.

Like, it’s the first time you properly realise just how powerful and scary Dark Shadow actually is. It makes me wonder whether Tokoyami was scared of his quirk when he was younger, because Dark Shadow really does look like the monsters children often see in the shadows. Juts some food for thought. Also, the soundtrack behind this scene really did emphasis the fear factor this part had, it was really well used imo.

This isn’t really analysis but-

Can u get a truer hero than Shoji honestly he’s just too good.

Honestly though, I have to pity Todoroki and Bakugou when they try to work together.

They are such bad allies. Honestly, this could be because they’re both used to being the most powerful one in the partnership, but whatever the reason, it was still a little bizarre to watch them try and work together- very badly.

Honestly though, neither of them are as bad as Moonfish

He grosses me out so much, and the fact I have to save pictures of him on my laptop for these reviews makes it so much worse lmao, I hate him and everything he stands for.

The plan they came up with to trap him was good and all but seriously

These kids need to stop taking risks! It’s just very very worrying even though I already know everything works out fine. But, y’know kudos where they’re warranted, it was a very clever plan, and did work very well.

Again, just an observation rather than analysis but-

This was such a lit shot. I love the way these scenes are being shown in the anime, they do make them a lot more hype with the way it’s stylised and honestly it just increases my enjoyment of the episodes.

So my first thought for this one was that it’s such a classic Bakugou thing to say

But on further thought, I was thinking, maybe in a roundabout way Bakugou’s trying to be kind. Like, he’s expressing it in his usual vain way, but at the same time he’s also reminding Tokoyami that his murderous quirk is still controllable. Idk, take it as you will, but to me, it seemed to be expressed in a different way than his gloats usually are.

This just made me giggle, especially after the intensity of that fight but

Midoriya looks so confused here, my poor boy. Please can someone not just force him into safety or something?

Speaking of confusion, I love how confused Bakugou is when everyone sets out to protect him.

Basically everyone and their mum has made a gif of this, and for good reason too because he just looks so silly. I would feel bad, but it’s for his own good. Even though that doesn’t make him any less moody.

I love this moody little bitch so much.

Moving onwards, I’m so excited that we’ve finally seen Toga!!

At first, I really did not like Toga. She still sorta gets on my nerves, just because I think she’s a stereotypical female villain, but there is some complexity to her that I can appreciate. It doesn’t stop her being mad creepy though.

But it did make me really happy to see Uraraka using the moves that she learnt at Gunhead’s agency to take her down.

I do have this fear that when the final showdown actually happens, Uraraka and Toga will have a fight in the ‘love interest fights female villain’ trope, but I’m hoping that the ease with which Uraraka took down Toga in his episode will stop that happening.

Also, with Toga I’m really happy with the voice they gave her. I was fully expecting the usual five year old mixed with candyfloss voice, like very childish and sweet enough to give me toothache, so I was v surprised when Toga slipped into a more creepy voice. It was quite similar to Shigaraki in tone, and idk it was just pleasant to here, because female villains are usually fit into either seductress or cute and unexpected, so for me Toga kinda broke out of the box with her non-typical voice and stalkerish tendencies- even though she still very much leans towards the latter archetype.

Sticking with the villains-

There he is !! aaaaaa I’m just so happy we’ve got Mr Compress this episode ! Although what he’s saying really is a horrific misconception of Bakugou’s personality.

Also, oh my god.

This shot really hits you with Midoriya’s distress. He’s very hurt, he’s probably tired and stressed and, at this point, he believes he’s failed to save someone. It’s so upsetting to see and I can 100% feel his distress through that single line. Nice use of language.

But, in contrast to Midoriya-

It’s very easy to look down on Aoyama for not moving Jirou and Tooru back to camp like he was told to. On one hand, it is pretty cowardly and he IS training to be a hero, but at the same time I have to think…What would I do? Aoyama’s quirk is still pretty hard for him to use, and it hurts him quite a bit, and against two villains while carrying two people he would almost definitely be defeated. Idk I can’t really disrespect him for this tbh because it would be hypocritical- I know I would be hiding too if I were in that situation so. I’m not gonna look down on him.

Okay, but moving back to personal preference.

Dabi is hot n I’m not just talking about his quirk lmaoo.

Moving very very swiftly onwards, I love how they show Yaoyorozu’s development here.

She’s very much starting to show faith in herself and it’s really nice to see that change, especially after her lack of self-confidence in the last arc. I have to feel bad for Awase though.

I would very much like to write a fic about these two, just because I think they could get on well and work together really well. Maybe soon.

Okay, final little point:

That looks like an absolute back breaker, honestly someone should get Mr Compress some ice or something.

So that concludes my episode talk through ! I cannot believe they’re still baiting THAT interaction (you all know what I mean), but they are somehow. It has to be next episode, and I cannot wait for it. Also, the full versions of the op and ed are out, so if anyone would like a lyric talkthrough- if I can find accurate translations- I am 100% down. Analysis counts as English Lit revision, right?

Anyway, as always thank you so much for reading !

[roominthecastle]

ethics, romance, sex: where’s Michael at? (nobody asked, rambling on my own accord)

Short version:

I think atm Michael’s character is markedly grey in these 3 “areas” of human experience. He’s started to shift away from his “old ways” and is now somewhere in-between. His “ethnical transition” is the most straightforward one and it can be used as a guide for speculation on possible shifts to romantic and sexual dimensions bc they are all parts of the larger reconceptualization process Michael’s been going through.

Long version: behind the cut

Michael’s an amoral being who was created for and, up until v recently, has existed w/ the singular purpose of inflicting pain on bad people. His human form is also meant to serve this very purpose. But he moves away from this “default setting”. He gains a new, more nuanced perspective that was previously inaccessible to him due to rules, norms, and customs. Living among human beings (the heart of his innovation) produces the wild card of transformative empathy and triggers a paradigm shift: the “gross insects” become close friends and the “stupid garbage” he’s initially forced to learn turns into a roadmap to a richer, more meaningful life.

“Stupid” and “gross” are keywords here, imo, bc they indicate Michael’s ingrained attitude: if it’s human, it’s reflexively considered primitive and disposable by his kind. This attitude is the norm and isn’t questioned by demons (tbh, it would be rather counter-productive for them to do so). But this “stupid and gross” seem to hold a covert interest, an inherent and genuine attraction to Michael. It’s the complete opposite of Trevor’s exaggerated sleazy overtures which still strike me as empty “all talk, no action” posturing, sth similar to when Janet briefly switched to “overt sexuality mode” despite having no real desire/interest or any relevant experience. It’s a function, a role to perform, part of the job. But to Michael, humans present a puzzling, stimulating otherness that invites close proximity and experimentation, which falls way way outside his job description.

This “repelling is also alluring” contradiction is nicely demonstrated on a small scale when Eleanor calls the white chocolate + shrimp combo nasty yet keeps eating it, or when she describes churro dogs to Michael and he responds w/ an excited “oh, sounds awful.” We know that given half a chance, he would try it. We know bc this is what happened on a much larger scale when he was given the opportunity to work as an architect: Neighborhood 12358W was born and he purposefully designed it in a way that granted him 24/7 close contact w/ “disgusting humans” and their gross ways.

His attitude towards human mouths is another interesting example that carries this contradiction:

“There are gonna be days when you're just sick of being around these disgusting humans, with their weird, gross little mouths, and their stupid elbows.” (201 - a rallying speech that I suspect is exaggerated but still serves to illustrate the basic demon’s view)

“Kissing is gross. You just mash your food holes together. It’s not for that.” (209)

And yet when we take a look at his small stash of human objects (106), we find wax lips that have sexual connotations (shiny, full, and red - they resemble the vulva) but are also edible and come w/ the “play now, chew later” tagline. Nice triple twist on the “mouths are for eating” sentiment. Michael also abruptly reverses his stance on kissing: gross suddenly turns exciting (hot diggity dog!). Granted, there may be other factors influencing this particular flip-flopping (I believe there are), but it’s still a solid example of the confusion created by the radical, ethics-infused reconceptualization process.

Michael starts to question things he never did before. He comes to regard humans in a fundamentally different way. He experiences the superiority of a species he always thought inferior and recognizes the inferiority of his own kind (Ya basic, Shawn.). In this sense, he plays Beauty in the tale as old as time who discovers that there’s more humanity in an allegedly primitive beast than in most of her fellow humans who mock her for the “crime” of being “different”. But the reverse is also true: being a demon, Michael also plays the Other/Beast. In the former scenario, Eleanor serves as the primitive Other/Beast being aided in her transformation, and in the latter, she’s Beauty who inspires transformation. Both work simultaneously and both result in an intimate understanding of one another, which opens the door to other areas of intimacy, i.e. those of romance and sex.

Feelings bloom whether we want them or not, but how we act on them (or not) is our choice. It’s impossible to tell the exact nature of Michael’s feelings atm. His actions indicate that love is already at work on at least a semi-conscious level but if it’s romantic love, there are way more reasons for him to keep it under wraps than there are reasons to confess. Same goes for sexual interest. Lack of overt interest does not equal lack of interest but to outside observers they can look identical, so, for now, canon is a question mark here. Another related question is, would he “cross the line” if there was encouragement from a partner, some guidance, and an opportunity to indulge? I think he definitely would w/ Eleanor, but it doesn’t mean there wouldn’t be obstacles or that he wouldn’t opt out later if he found it to be not to his liking.

I can see several options here but him rejecting romance and sex and having no interest there whatsoever just feel out of character to me given what we know about him and his past (see below). I still don’t think canon will ever go there, not in any overt, straightforward way, and it doesn’t have to, but this is still a very fertile and legitimate soil for shippers.

Michael is curious, loves experiments, and his core arc is about him shifting away from his original mode of existence which was marked by a lack of morality, meaning, and emotional/physical intimacy.

“Your lives aren’t meaningless. Everything on Earth counted for something. The same is not true here in the afterlife where I exist and have always existed. ... There is no ‘outside of work’. None of us exist outside our jobs. We have no homes, no hobbies, or relationships. We get the names of people to torture. We torture them. We get more names.” (204)

This isolated, (seemingly) aromantic and asexual existence just doesn’t feel to be a clear choice on his part but more like a result of not having an alternative to embrace (- sth he created for himself in form of his neighborhood perhaps?) If that’s the case, then I think there’s a good chance he harbors an interest in romance and sexuality, too, but it’s couched in reluctance/hesitance stemming from confusion, lack of experience, lack of a partner, initial aversion and, more recently, ethical issues. All of these are understandable but they are not binding or set in stone. He felt reluctance towards ethics, too, but he’s already moved somewhere between amoral and moral on that spectrum.

Michael finds reconceptualizing hard and disorienting, which is not at all surprising given how much he has to unlearn and recalibrate and discover still. Human ethics (a total buzzkill), human emotions (there are way too many), and human bodies (fragile, weird, and stupid) are alien to him, and it will take time to sort these new experiences and orient himself.

The matter of “human suit” is esp interesting bc it has direct relevance to the topic of sex.

“There are gonna be days when you're just sick of being around these disgusting humans, with their weird, gross little mouths, and their stupid elbows.” (201)

“Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body, so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits. [Gross.] Oh get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.” (203)

“Let me just get into the mindset of a human. ‘Oh, I’m a human and my breathing tube is next to my eating tube. Oh, and look: my arms end in stupid little sticks.’” (204)

Demon anatomy and physiology are undoubtedly different from ours, which means that the appropriate form and function of various parts can significantly differ, including those involved in procreation and/or sexual acts (if demons even have any of those but given their “lifestyle” they may not). Michael’s in an alien body w/ weird parts that don’t look and function the way demon parts do + up until now his only interest in human anatomy has had to be to find ways to cause pain, so the fun potential in pleasure-focused experimentation is sky-high w/ the right partner (and if there’s one human who would ride a demon, that’s Eleanor) + making love to a human is the most radical thing Michael could do w/ his “human suit” tbh. And giving himself over to selfless love felt towards a human is the most radical thing he can do w/ his soul, which is already happening, imo.

Michael’s initial dismissal of human-y stuff is a product of his original indoctrination and “culture shock”, not of a set of immutable attributes. It also comes pre-mixed w/ latent fascination and begins to weaken due to exposure, “deprogramming”, and an innate quality other demons do not seem to possess. I mean, when he notices the crude erotic drawings in Kant’s journal, his eyes linger on the page only to conclude that this is an “interesting guy.” No longer stupid and gross but...interesting.

The idea of studying human ethics felt insane to him in the beginning bc it was so radically un-demon-y to do, so it’d be understandable if embracing human ideas and practices of romance and physical pleasure felt similarly jarring at first. It doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t (or hasn’t) develop(ed) an interest, esp. after having been exposed to stimuli and companionship of which he was entirely deprived before. If he’s developed some interest already, it also makes sense that it’s not advertised: he doesn’t have a teacher to guide him here, he’s seen what happened to Janet when she spiralled down this road, there are also way more pressing matters to focus on, and the most likely target of his interest is already “taken” anyway and must remain so.

I don’t think Michael will ever move out of the “grey zone” he currently occupies (or maybe it’s just my personal preference talking bc I love the grey), but that’s okay bc this grey has so many exciting shades and they are a lot of fun w/o being explicitly in-your-face.