#impossible to find the motivation to do anything but feel like shit for not doing anything

[aggressionbread]

i need to make more small creative projects that are purely for myself. between the pressure to create things i can monetize and all my personal projects right now being ambitious and time consuming, i feel like i'm going to explode

[canmom]

Comics mini-Comints: Dungeon Meshi

reread dungeon meshi through to the end. still such a great manga. here are immediate thoughts - if I end up having time and energy I hope I can write something that goes deeper!

ironically i was only a few chapters from the end when I stopped keeping up, but I was struggling to remember all the characters and context, so reading it through in one go was definitely an ideal way to achieve maximum impact there.

ryoko kui does a very elegant job of handling a transition from 'silly antics' to 'big dramatic fantasy' while still keeping the central thematic throughline - eating and being eaten, belonging to an ecosystem, the significance of sacrificing others to achieve your own desires. a lot of setups pay off in a way that feels meticulously planned - and of course the crux of the final showdown revolves around characters attempting to eat each other, of course the big payoff is a huge feast that symbolically unites all the conflicting factions. it is maybe a bit too neat and happy for my taste, but it's undeniably tightly executed - it never loses sight of what it's about. especially compared to something like Frieren, it's an incredibly coherent serialisation, up there with e.g. Fullmetal Alchemist.

kui's art style deserves all kinds of praise - it feels effortlessly simple, but it clearly communicates all sorts of different shapes and body types and it's really fun to see her play around with remixing the different visual elements when she switches the races around. in general Laius's autistic monster loving ways clearly reflect kui's own deeply felt appreciation for all the ways people and animals live (accentuated further by all the extra sketches the scanlators tuck in). in a way you could kinda call it like Parts Unknown the fantasy manga.

the stakes of the final conflict are interesting - there is much to be said about the framing of 'desire' and its fulfilment, of this occult idea of 'the infinite'. lots you could put in relation to other manga, and also buddhism. (in particular I really want to develop a comparison to Made In Abyss, there are so many parallels, it just might be too spicy for tumblr lmao).

one thing I really like about it is how much its fantasy dungeon-exploring setting owes to D&D and other TTRPGs, rather than videogames. monster ecology has been a fascination of that game since the early days of Dragon magazine, and Kui sharply zeroes in on some of the intrinsic conflicts baked in to that fantasy milieu, notably the lifespan thing, while smartly avoiding the traps of 'evil races'. there's some really fun nods to the weirder monster manual entries. and in a story with so many characters and factions, it does a genuinely incredible job of furnishing everyone with understandable, reasonable motivations, conflicts drawn from their context just like the monsters are explained by their ecology.

and one thing that I particularly appreciate is like... how much it is able to simultaneously understand and sympathise with a character and also show us how and why they'd rub others the wrong way. it's impossible not to like our main group, they're all such charming dorks and the manga leads you along with all the crazy rpg party shit they do, but at the same time you definitely find yourself thinking 'guy's got a point' in the kabru chapters lmao. I'm projecting hard bc i don't really know a thing about ryōko kui but laius def feels like the sort of depiction of having an autism that you can only do if you've lived it.

but yeah, it's a fuzzy ending where it all turns out well. but what's the deeper thrust of it all? there's a funny moment where marcille is like 'maybe in the end our journey is about learning to accept death' and the grouchy old gnome guy completely laughs this off as naive, because death doesn't mean anything. and indeed their big plan pays off, and falin does indeed come back just fine. but still, through all of this it asks you to bite the bullet that being a living creature means eating to survive, at the cost of other creatures, with the other side being that one day you too will be eaten. in contrast to this honest way of being is the beguiling fantasy of infinity, where all your desires are immediately fulfilled - this is shown as a dangerous path of corruption that produces madness and manipulability. having limits and rubbing up against the wishes of others, or 'doing things you don't want to do' as izutsumi's arc puts it, becomes necessary for having some kind of definition as a subject. the thing that makes the demon concrete as an entity is a desire, or appetite, that can't immediately be fulfilled.

of course we can connect this to the idea of narrative conflict. a standard advice for putting together a plot is to ask what each character wants and why they can't get it. wanting something implies movement. and indeed over the course of this story, we see that while having too many desires fulfilled too readily leads to incoherence and callousness, equally a character who is left catatonic as their desires have been eaten by the demon must be reawakened to activity by finding a new desire.

it's kinda Buddhist innit. neither the opulence of the palace nor asceticism. desires are what tie you to the world. but mixed with ecology: what a creature does to find the energy to live is what defines its lifestyle, its form.

this is probably where I'd start talking about entropy gradients and shit if i wasn't typing this on a phone at 1:30am lmao.

but yeah - it's a powerful move to go from 'D&D monster recipe show sendup' to 'living with the inherently violent nature of being an organism fated to live in a finite sum game' and yet Dungeon Meshi makes it feel natural and convincing, while remaining tremendously charming and funny throughout. ryōko kui is definitely some kind of genius, and I can't wait to see what her next act is gonna be. it's all definitely making me appreciate the act of eating a lot more.

next story on my plate is probably The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere, which sounds like it will present a very gnarly thematic contrast.

[bradshawssugarbaby]

Head Over Heels - Pete Mitchell x Reader

A/N: I've watched the OG so many times over the last month I felt inspired to write a little 1980s set piece for baby Mav. It's roughly set in 1983 (obvs. I wasn't born yet so I'm going purely off my obsession with 80s shit bare with me ok).

pairing: Pete "Maverick" Mitchell x reader

warnings/content: fluff, set in the 1980s, Maverick hits on you in a bar while you're working, brief mention of Goose & Carole if you squint.

word count: 2.2k

“You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far, ‘cause you know it don't matter anyway…”

The sounds of Hall and Oates’ Rich Girl rang out from the jukebox that sat opposite from the bar, a few off-key voices attempting to sing the words in slurred tones, incoherent to anyone other than themselves. It was a typical Friday night, with a few people seated on the red vinyl booths that encircled the bar counter, empty beer glasses in front of them as they waited anxiously for a top up. 

You didn’t love your job here - you only did it to put yourself through school, and even then, it wasn’t as though you needed to - your parents had offered you financial assistance on more than one occasion, almost scandalized at the thought of their precious daughter working in a dive bar on weekends to put herself through college, but you were determined. You wanted to earn this degree on your own merit, without your parents holding the loan of a few thousand dollars over your head and without the feeling that you were some spoiled little rich kid that others should despise or envy. 

As you wiped a table clean in the far corner of the bar, you took note of two young men in bomber jackets coming through the entrance. The shorter of the two, a dark-haired man with intriguing eyes - were they hazel, blue or green? It was nearly impossible to tell. - laughed as he looked back to his friend, a tall blonde haired man with a mustache, who looked incredibly unimpressed about the choice of bar that his buddy had. You couldn’t say you blamed him - the food was decent, but that was about it. You weren’t exactly known for being the Ritz Carlton of dive bars. 

The two men sidled up to a booth, and you sighed to yourself, knowing that it meant they’d become your responsibility, whether they were aware of that fact or not. You finished cleaning the table off and retreated behind the bar to find two menus - not that they seemed like the type who were here for food - you knew the younger men that came in usually only came for one thing, cheap beer. You approached their table, plastering your customer service smile on your face as you sauntered over. You handed them each a menu and greeted them with your normally joyful voice, and you couldn’t help but feel like you came off as someone deranged for being so cheerful. 

“Hi! What can I get you both?”

“I’ll have whatever’s on tap, thanks,” the blonde replied with a polite head nod towards you. 

The brunette started eyeing you up, a grin plastered on his face as he took in the sight of you. Your outfit was hardly anything worth looking at, you thought to yourself. Fitted high-waisted jeans and a t-shirt with the restaurant’s logo emblazoned on the back, the baggier fitting shirt tucked into your jeans to accentuate the fact that, despite how the t-shirt might come off, you did in fact have hips. His grin was playful - not the kind you were used to from men who saw you at work. He didn’t give you the impression he was only interested in taking you to bed with him, although you weren’t entirely convinced that wasn’t his motive. His hazel eyes lit up as he looked at you, his thousand-watt grin almost distracting.

“What do you recommend? I’ve never been here before.” He charmed, still smiling up at you.

“Well, our wings are pretty popular, I personally like them dressed in Kansas City sauce, it’s a bit spicier but it’s not too overpowering, and for a drink, I usually go for a rye and coke, but if you’re more of a beer guy, I recommend pairing it with a Budweiser. You can never go wrong there.”

“Perfect, I’ll have that, please. With a side of coleslaw.”

“Alright, two beers, an order of KC wings and a side of coleslaw? You got it.”

You disappeared behind the counter with their order and returned a few moments later with their drinks in hand. The brunette was leaning in towards his friend, whispering in a hushed tone that you could barely make out, but it was evident that your presence wasn’t known. You set the drinks down on the table and both men sat straighter in their seats. The blonde one looked at you with a charming smile, the kind you’d give a teacher who’d walked in on you doing something you weren’t supposed to at school. He cleared his throat and laughed slightly as he took a sip of his drink before setting the glass down on the cardboard coaster you’d brought over. 

“I’m so sorry, but my friend here, he’s a little shy. He thinks you’re really pretty though. Not that I don’t, I’m just engaged.” The blonde babbled, seemingly nervous, as if he was afraid you’d throw his drink over him. 

“Does he? Why doesn’t he tell me so himself?” You teased, looking over to the brunette, who was now blushing and grinning like an absolute idiot - the most attractive idiot you’d ever seen.

“He is afraid of women. Sort of, anyways. I never say the right thing.” He explained matter of factly. 

His eyes squinted to read the name tag on your shirt, saying it slowly to make sure he was pronouncing it correctly before giving you another smile. “Beautiful name,” he added. 

“Well, now this seems unfair - you know my name but I don’t know yours.”

“Right! Right. I’m Maverick. This here’s my buddy, Goose.”

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry, Navy callsigns. I’m Pete. He’s Nick.”

“Goose is fine,” the blonde interjected, shaking his head as he held up a hand to stop Pete from talking further, “Only my mom calls me Nick. And usually it’s if I’m in shit for something.”

“Nice to meet you, Pete. Goose.” 

You politely excused yourself from the table with a laugh before continuing with your other duties that night - waiting the few surrounding tables with  patrons, cleaning and restocking napkins and cutlery around the bar. You noticed at one point that Pete had approached the jukebox. He flipped through the available songs, selecting one seemingly at random, bringing Vacation by The Go-Gos to an abrupt end as his choice of song began playing. The opening bars of Making Love Out of Nothing At All by Air Supply began to fill the room, and Pete gave you a beaming grin as he retreated back to his seat. He began singing along to song with Goose, the two carrying on in an off-key harmonic ensemble that, admittedly, had you fighting the urge to sing along. 

As you approached the table once more, a playful smirk gracing your lips at Pete's rendition of the song, you couldn't deny the infectious energy he exuded. His performance, though not flawless, carried a certain charm that captivated your attention. As you deftly cleared away their empty dishes, Pete's gaze met yours once again, but this time with a smile that held a hint of mischief, a smile that could easily disarm even the most composed.

"Are you finishing up soon?" His voice was casual, but there was an underlying eagerness in his tone. Checking his watch briefly before locking eyes with you again, he continued, "I don’t have to be back on base until tomorrow morning. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to do something after work."

You couldn't help but grin at his forwardness, though you made a show of feigning reluctance. "I don’t accept dates from guys who ask me out at my workplace," you teased, the hint of a smirk tugging at the corners of your lips.

Pete's response was quick, his charm effortlessly slipping through the cracks of your defenses. "Ok, that’s understandable. What time are you off work?"

"In ten minutes," you replied, a mixture of amusement and surprise coloring your tone as you realized the clever loophole he had found in your earlier rejection.

"Perfect. I’ll meet you outside in ten."

True to his word, ten minutes later found you standing outside, Goose offering a polite wave as he departed. Pete's smile was infectious as he approached you, his demeanor exuding a newfound confidence. He gestured towards you, his grin widening as he spoke.

"You said no because I asked you out inside, but now?"

A playful glint danced in your eyes as you played along. "Now, I suppose I can say yes. You’re no longer a creepy guy asking me out at work."

"Exactly, now I’m a creepy guy asking you out outside of your work. Much better," he quipped, a chuckle escaping him as he extended his arm towards you.

You couldn't help but laugh at his remark, the tension between you dissipating as you fell into an easy banter. As he introduced himself, the warmth in his voice was palpable, and you found yourself drawn in despite your initial reservations.

Pete shook his head, a self-amused chuckle escaping him before he gallantly extended his arm towards you. His cheeks took on a charming shade of pink, adding a subtle glow to his already handsome features. It was then that the disparity in height between the two of you became apparent, your gaze meeting his from a slightly elevated position. A grin played at his lips as he ran a hand through his dark locks, his eyes squinting ever so slightly as he regarded you with a mix of earnestness and intrigue.

"Sorry, I’m relatively new to this," he confessed with a sheepish grin. "My success rate’s not the highest unless I’m in uniform, and even then."

"Uniform?" you echoed, curiosity lacing your tone.

Straightening up, Pete cleared his throat before executing a mock salute with a touch of playful flair. "Lieutenant Junior Grade Peter Mitchell, United States Naval Air Force, currently stationed over at North Island, just across the bay," he announced with a subtle gesture toward the distant island.

"Peter, huh?"

A smirk tugged at his lips. "Did you think my parents just put Pete on the birth certificate and called it a day?"

"Actually," you quipped back, "earlier before you clarified, I thought they put Maverick on there and called it a day - Pete didn’t seem like too far of a stretch."

"I suppose you’re right," he conceded with a grin. "I don’t think I’ve been called by my full name since school, and even then, it was back when Peter from The Brady Bunch was still cool. I liked it then, all the girls liked him anyways."

"I was more of a Greg girl, actually," you teased, raising an eyebrow in playful defiance as you pretended to inspect your manicure.

"Of course you were," he chuckled, his tone teasing yet affectionate. "You’re one of the first girls I’ve met to not care about the military thing. Most girls are all over that."

"It’s impressive, don’t get me wrong," you interjected with a shrug. "I’ve just dated military guys before."

"Have you?" Pete's interest was piqued, his gaze locked onto yours with a newfound curiosity.

"Well, one," you admitted. "My first boyfriend when I moved down to San Diego from Oakland."

"You’re from Oakland?! I’m from San Francisco!"

"Small world, isn't it?" Pete's eyes lit up with a spark of excitement, a genuine smile gracing his lips as he realized the unexpected connection between your hometowns. "I guess that makes us Bay Area neighbors, in a sense."

You couldn't help but return his smile, feeling a sense of warmth in the shared familiarity of your origins. "Seems like it," you agreed, the playful banter easing any remaining tension between you.

As the conversation flowed effortlessly between you, a comfortable silence settled, punctuated only by the distant sounds of the bustling pier. In that moment, standing on the threshold of possibility, you couldn't ignore the magnetic pull drawing you closer to Pete.

"So," he began, breaking the silence with a gentle tone, "any chance I could persuade you to show a newcomer around San Diego? I'm afraid my knowledge of the city is limited to the base and a few local hotspots."

The invitation hung in the air, laden with unspoken implications. With a playful glint in your eyes, you considered his request, allowing yourself to entertain the idea of exploring the city with him.

"I suppose I could be persuaded," you teased, a coy smile playing at the corners of your lips. "But only if you promise to keep up with this newfound charm of yours, Lieutenant Mitchell."

Pete's laughter echoed against the backdrop of the bay, his eyes crinkling with genuine amusement. "Consider it a deal, Miss Oakland," he replied, extending his arm once more in a silent invitation to embark on this newfound adventure together.

As you linked your arm with his, a sense of anticipation tingled in the air, the promise of new beginnings lingering on the horizon. With each step forward, you couldn't help but wonder where this unexpected encounter would lead, but one thing was certain: with Pete by your side, the journey promised to be anything but ordinary.

[nihilistem]

Hey! I read your study tips both posts regarding adhd . (Feel free to ignore )

I am still undiagnosed and I think it's adhd but i do not have the resources nor the environment or support system to do anything about it .I am a high schooler preparing for entrance exams and i really need to like get my shit together and i feel like i have wasted sm time already but i really do want to get better. When i sit to study i just can't focus if I keep my phone in some other room then also i would just sit and stare at my books without accomplishing something. I am trying really but it's feels like my brain is frozen and my body is moving .my brain keep screaming guilty and ashamed but i can't seem to do anything about it.your study post actually i related to a lot because pomodro kind of seems to be working for everyone but me and the you described the exact same things I do

I know this is a lot to ask for please feel free to ignore but how do I stop Letting my emotions take over and study consistently because I only have one chance at the exams

Oh my, first of all I’d like to say that, as cliché as it is, I know exactly how you feel. I was undiagnosed for so long (I was only diagnosed a few months ago) and I didn’t even know that the adhd things I experience on a regular basis wasn’t normal or neurotypical for so long.

first up : I know this is difficult, but please do not say such things about yourself. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing, (cuz I have done a post on that already) but it’s true that the more you drill that bad stuff into your brain, the more it’s gonna stick. We need our brains to be in the best condition possible to study efficiently and saying bad stuff about yourself that isn’t even true is just going to hinder your performance. You got this. I promise you’re not lazy. Your brain just isn’t motivated by the same things others are, but we can work with that simple difference.

I’ll make a separate post on how not to let your emotions take over, but for now …

adhd study tips for those trying to get into the habit.

— by a stem student with adhd.

here’s my first post on adhd study tips.

— don’t put your phone in a different room. Instead, download an app that prevents you from using other apps on your phone.

there’s plenty of apps that do this but the one I prefer is ypt because all its features are completely free and it stops your timer when you exit the app unless you enter ‘allowed app mode.’ I don’t know about you, but if I find that I’m just zoning out on my textbook then I end up stopping my timer and deleting the record because I know I didn’t actually study, and this motivates me to actually get some work done. The timer also gets me motivated to keep going for longer so I have physical proof of my focus time and studies. It will feel good to even have just 1 hour of study time on it, I promise.

— even if you’re not interested in your studies, try your best to find even one thing that interests you.

novelty, challenge and interest are some of the best motivators of the adhd brain, so use it. I know that sparking your curiosity for a subject you hate seems impossible, but hear me out.

ever since I was young, I was exposed to books and I drew everyday. This caused me to become very passionate about the arts, but since I had adhd and didn’t know, I failed all my classes and specifically hated chemistry because it was specifically designed to be everything that I can’t be good at due to my poor memory and the need to memorize a TON of concepts. Then during class one day, I was doing chemistry work with my friends and felt frustrated that they could easily balance equations and work out which compounds were acids or bases purely by its chemical formula. And that’s what sparked me to start reading my textbook to see what the big deal was. How was it possible for one to just know when something is a acid solely from looking at a bunch of letters? This started a chain reaction; I found my answer, and found that the process of finding my answer and learning this new information was fulfilling. So I looked at all the other chemistry topics, and it turns out chemistry was fun. I was supposed to be an art student but now I’m majoring in chemistry and biology, all because of that sense of challenge and curiosity I was given that day.

tdlr; I was bad at chemistry but I’m now majoring in it because I felt challenged by a friend and was curious to know how they could solve chem equations easily.

All it took was a bit of curiosity. It’s a very powerful thing to the adhd brain. And if you use this as a motivator for your studies it might even cause you to hyper-fixate on your work, which means you’ll naturally spend more time studying just to find all the answers you’re now dying to know.

— use the pomodoro timer, but think about the things that you have to do that seems a little impossible to do under 25 minutes.

This fulfills the ‘challenge’ category I mentioned in the previous tip.

Let me explain; I subconsciously started doing this to myself without anyone telling me this and it’s helped me a LOT. Here’s an example;

“This chapter’s too long, it’s impossible to read through everything and understand the key concepts in just twenty five minutes.”

is it, though?

So I was off to the races, genuinely reading through every page and taking note of every single heading or bold or italicized word so I will be able to summarize the entire topic by the time the twenty five minutes is up.

And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t make that twenty five minute mark, because you’ll feel a sense of defeat and try it again with another chapter/topic.

this accomplishes two things; one, the work you’ve been putting off or zoning out on is now probably 20% - 50% completed and now you feel motivated to continue. Two, this method will train you to be faster in learning or studying new material or even just completing work in general, depending on what you’re challenging yourself to do.

— dress up, do your hair, study at a library or cafe you love (and possibly make pretty notes.)

I’ve talked about interest, I’ve talked about challenge, and now I’m gonna talk about novelty.

Do this with purpose! But what do I mean by that?

I’m sure you’ve come across studious girls in media or even people on social media making videos and taking pretty photos of their day out to study. Usually they’re dressed the part and even if they’re not, there’s a certain vibe, aesthetic or aura about them that is just so desirable that it makes you wish you were doing what they were doing. And if you don’t feel this way, find content creators or media that do make you feel this way.

How will this help me? Well, there are actually a few reasons but the first one that comes to mind is that this is also an adhd tip used outside of studying. Combining a task you don’t want to do with a task you’d like to do is a faster and more efficient way of convincing yourself to do long, difficult or even tiring tasks. Another is that doing this would also mean you’ve technically gotten yourself to desire studying, something more commonly known as romanticizing studying. If you make studying look fun, glamorous or even desirable for yourself then you’re sure to get to the hideous parts of it. Think about being a straight A student, someone who’s always wearing nice clothes with great hair and such a focused work ethic. Once you desire to be that person and you dress like that person, you’ll start to do the things that person will do.

— use the pomodoro timer but set it to even shorter bursts instead. (e.g. 15 minutes work, 5 minutes break.)

Or hell, on my worst days I set it to 5 minutes work, 5 minutes break.

The whole point of this exercise is to just start, because that’s arguably the hardest part about studying, you can’t get yourself to actually start or to actually focus. So promise yourself a five minute break after a very short amount of time of reading.

— skip straight to the questions of a topic, try to do them and identify the information you need to get the answer right.

For example, I came across a bio question that was rather simple but I didn’t know the answer to because I haven’t revised the topic for a while, and the question was, what is needed in the body for anaerobic respiration to take place? And the answer was simple, but I didn’t know because again, I didn’t study the material before answering the paper.

one’s brain can have the habit of being complacent especially when you don’t wanna do work, so diving head first into the questions and realizing that you don’t know jack shit would be a good wake up call for you and your brain—and this can connect to the second point that I made because you might find that you’d be eager to get the answer right all on your own, and become curious as to what the answer is.

important to remember …

erase everything bad that you were told or led to believe about studying. I promise that if you look for ways to make it engaging for you and form a habit, studying can be something you don’t dread or worry about everyday. You are capable. This is the start of your journey. Yes, the question of ‘what if I get distracted again’ will always be there but think about what could happen if today is the first day you’re not distracted. If you don’t at least try to start now, you will have zero chance of being able to actually focus and study. But if you try, the worst that will happen is that you tried. If you keep trying, it will happen. I promise.

If you need any more tips regarding adhd, (or being undiagnosed,) please do let me know. I’ll do my best to help.

[celestialspecial]

In Cold Blood (Pt. 2)

Warnings: Dub con, knife play, blood, smut/p in v-do i even need to say its 18+ (also dont do it with serial killers irl....you know this)

The pounding relentless beat of the club echoed out onto the pavement. The sidewalk under your feet seemed to shake with each new bass drop, lights from the floor to ceiling windows washed along the crowd waiting in line.

You stood single file, all asses and elbows waiting to get to the front velvet ropes. Your nerves were frayed, the last few weeks had been leading you up to this moment. 

Once you had a photo of the killer with his mask it was easier than before to find snippets of him on local cctv camera footage. His steps were more traceable but you still didn’t know his motive. 

The more you learned the less it made sense. 

You'd tracked his wanderings for over a month now, the trail had gone cold but you had it on good authority he'd be here tonight. The Killer, looking for his next victim.

With some intense persuasion your team had allowed you to go under cover and act as bait to draw out the madman. Your skimpy dress and overall look blended you into the background of the crowd waiting in line.

You looked like you deserved to be there. Were meant to be there.

After god knows how long of waiting in line you finally were able to escape the chilly outdoors and feel the intense heat of the ravenous club before you.

Bright lights pooled the dance floor and if you had thought the outside was crowded this was even worse. How anyone managed to dance was beyond you but that wasn't why you were here.

Making your way to the bar in hopes of escaping the intense smells and rhythmic dancing to clear your head. A buzz from your phone got your attention.

One of your colleagues.

"He's there." Your heart beat increased its pace. Eyes darting around the mass of gyrating people but you couldn't see shit. Everyone was moving so erratically, it would be impossible to find him.

After a moments pause you wondered if maybe this was a wash and to call for backup and corner the bastard wherever he was here instead of coercing him to follow you somewhere private where an arrest could be made.

At that your phone buzzed again. What the fuck did they want?

Only this time it was a call. From an unknown number. He was here.

"Hello?"

"Detective. You look mouthwatering tonight." You gulped in response suddenly realizing this might be a bad idea but taking a shot from the bartender strengthened your resolve.

"Do I?"

"Oh yes. Have you come here to arrest me, Detective? Looking like that?"

"Maybe I came here for other things."

A long pause on the other end had you believing he had hung up until you heard a brief inhale on the end of the line.

"Is that so?"

"Will you turn me down?"

This was very dangerous. You were being reckless with your safety but if it drew him out and you had a chance to throw this sucker away for life you'd take it.

"Never."

"Then come get me."

"No... I think you need to find me first. Hasn't that always been your goal? To find me."

You cursed under your breath. Of course he wasn't going to make this easy for you. Why had you been so stupid.

"I don't know if you know this but you picked the most crowded club in the city tonight."

"Don't worry. I'll give you hints. But I can tell you right now you're very cold."

You stepped away from the bar and turned left.

"Warmer."

You considered that when you caught him you'd just kill him and say it had been an accident. And yet a sick and twisted part of you felt a thrill you couldn't explain.

And honestly were afraid to examine further.

Another few twists and turns to the tune of, "Warmer" and "you're getting colder." Lead you to a bustling staircase that took you up to the balcony overlooking the entire club.

Masses of people swarmed around you and at some points it was hard to even hear the phone if he had said anything at all.

You reached a hallway that was suspiciously empty. Lines of velvet padded doors with brass buttons on their exterior beckoned you forward.

“You’re getting warmer, Detective.”

Your hand twitched, trying not to rest on your concealed weapon.

“Warmer.

You'd made it halfway down the hall when you decided this was enough and it was time for backup. Your left heel stuck in place before you were about to turn tail and run.

“You’re burning up.” 

 A large hand snaked around your waist pulling you away from the door you had been looking at wearily. Then it all went black.

You came to, eyes blearily blinking in the low light. A deep red hue filled the room, curtains of lush fabric draped the ceiling, hanging askew and clinging to matching red sofas.

A black crystal chandelier hung above your head. The pounding of the music from the club could still be heard, the bass vibrating the surface you were on. 

Stuck on. No, strapped to.

You wiggled your wrists realizing they were handcuffed to the table beneath your body. Your senses started to come to you faster as your breathing increased with each panicked heartbeat.

Your ankles were tied down as well, a chain clanging against the surface. The sound blunted by the space. 

“Help!” You shouted, screaming as loud as you could. “Somebody?! Anybody!”

“They can’t hear you.” That voice. You’d heard it before. So many times before, but this time it wasn’t distorted by a device. No scrambling or altered sound. Deep, even more attractive than you’d thought.

If you didn’t know better you’d say it was almost warm, inviting. Like a lamb to slaughter, that’s how you felt. A wolf in sheep’s clothing and you were falling for it.

It was nearly impossible to lift your head fully to look upon your captor. Out of the shadows in the corner stood a man, tall, lean, leather jacket scuffed and torn and the mask. You recognized that.

He toyed with a large silver knife, pressing the point into the pad of his thumb, mask downturned as he examined the large weapon before you.

Turning back to look at you he traced the knife along the padded velvet walls. Cocking his head towards them as he approached where you lay.

“These walls are solid thick. The padding also helps block out the noise.” You couldn’t see his face but his eyes…they were black and they caught the red light just right and they almost-glimmered. 

When he spoke next you could hear the smirk on his lips. 

“Perfect place for screaming…of all kinds.” Your eyes closed, brows drawn together, a shaky rasp escaping your lips.

“You’re going to kill me.”

His head tilted to the side, taking you in, probably in more ways than you realized. Moving closer to you, the glimmering buck knife scraping against the wood of the table. You could feel your pulse racing in your neck, knees wobbling.

Once he’d approached your side, cracked white mask looking over you he lifted the glinting blade. You watched with wide eyes as the edge came down as he drew lines over your exposed flesh.

“Now why would I do that?” Cool metal bit into the side of your thigh, not enough to draw blood but enough to have you gasp at the pressure. His bottomless eyes darted to your face at the sound.

You didn’t need to see his face to know he was smiling. Captivated by you writhing on the table before him. Setting the knife down to rest on the center of your torso the man before you removed one of his gloves.

Flesh met flesh as he placed his large hand on your inner thigh, the rough pads of his fingers pressing into your heated skin. His skin felt warm against your leg, you’d waited for it to feel cold, clammy but it was neither of those things.

“I’ve watched you for so long, Detective. Been wanting to feel how soft your skin is for far too long.” 

You wanted to fight it but you couldn’t help your poor body giving in to his caresses. Each stroke against your knee, shin, then moving back up to rest so close to your center. 

You tasted blood from how hard you’d bit your lower lip. Dying to not moan, to not let him know you were enjoying this. But he knew. Dammit he knew. 

“You knew I’d take the bait. And I did. Because you KNOW me. And I know you.” 

“You don’t know me.” You spit out, you tugged against your constraints to drive home your point. 

“I know you’re enjoying this.” 

“And how do you figure that?” 

“Because I am.” Fuck him. That’s all you could think. All you wanted but didn’t dare admit. He was a psycho…and maybe you were too for wanting him this badly. 

He retrieved his knife, this time letting it settle between your thighs, the tip catching on the string of your underwear. You could feel the blade against your skin and you did your best to breathe in shallow gulps.

His wrist flicked and what little pathetic swatch of fabric you’d had on under your dress was done for. An elastic snapping noise, a sting as it smacked against your skin and then he moved back a foot.

Pulling with him the knife and your underwear torn and tattered stuck to the tip of the blade. He held up the weapon and its new bundle of fabric to examine it, fingering the underwear with his free hand.

“Detective. These appear to be wet.” 

If you’d had your gun you would’ve shot him. Or you’d like to think you would in this moment. Anything to get out of this situation. Scorching heat seared across your face, you could feel it beading up on the back of your neck as well.

He leaned forward, bracing his hands against the table, fingers brushing against your sides in the process. 

“Care to explain?” His head gestured to the sad excuse for underwear left. 

“Fuck you!”

“Soon, but not yet.” His gloveless hand resumed its place on your inner thigh but this time his fingers dared higher. You could feel him part you and drag a long finger up your center, dipping in before pulling his hand back to inspect.

You wanted to cross your legs, anything to prevent you from wanting more. The noises that had scratched at the back of your throat  as you felt him briefly inside you, were scrambling to escape. 

His fingers were coated in your wetness, masked face exploring your own, gauging your reaction. Then he slipped those same fingers under his mask, a sucking noise could be heard and his eyes rolled back.

“You taste just as I imagined.” Your eyes met his, instead of looking away you kept your focus. Challenging him. He wanted to play games, so could you. 

Maybe he was right, maybe you two did have some connection because as your eyes remained locked with his you could feel the static energy in the room shift around you. 

“What else have you imagined?” 

The hand of his that held the knife lifted again, the lip of the blade coaxing under the hem of your dress. The tip poking through the satin fabric, slicing as it moved upwards. 

Cool air rushed over your heated skin, the fabric falling away. You carefully watched the knife as it made its way across your stomach, towards your chest and finally reaching your neckline.

The stitches popping as the dress shredded away, two useless swath's of fabric toppling to the floor. Exposing your remaining lingerie that you had carefully selected for the night, something that would fit nicely under your dress.

He let out a low whistle from under his mask. Taking the knife and quirking it underneath a loose bow on your black lace bustier. Untying the ribbon as he twisted the knife expertly.

“Detective. Is this all for me?” 

“Untie me and find out.” At that he chuckled, plucking another seam with the blades tip.

“You’re very clever, but not that clever.” 

He tapped your cheek with the flat side of his knife, wiggling his finger in a childlike admonishment as he moved to the end of the table. Standing between your legs that were still strapped down.

You watched as he slipped the knife into his back pocket, removing his other glove somewhere in the process. 

The way he watched you as he moved. Those depthless eyes examining every inch of your body. How they shone a little brighter as his gaze landed on your exposed lower half.

He lowered himself onto his elbows but not before clutching your hips and tugging you further down the table towards him. You grunted at the tightness overwhelming your bound wrists, scraping against the metal handcuffs.

Then you felt his mouth against you. Crying out at the feel of his lips sucking against you. Lapping up your juices and teasing the sensitive flesh there. 

Your eyes squeezed shut, panting, then moaning. His evil mouth coaxing every new noise from your body. Trying to look down and see him but the mask sat on top of his head still blocking your view.

That tightness and aching sensation started to gather in your center, feeling yourself getting close to the edge. Your moans grew louder, sparks flared behind your eyes and then with an extra savory sucking sensation you were tumbling over the edge.

You screamed, pulling against your handcuffs, hips lifting off the table to meet his mouth more readily and from the way the floor and walls pulsed and pounded around you, you knew he was right.

No one could hear you.

The ecstasy washed through you, draining your remaining fight down to nothing. You didn’t even notice that he had stood up and knelt by where your head rested.

“Next time scream my name.” 

“That’s a little hard since I don’t know it.” You managed through gasps of air.

You could feel him moving beside you before you turned to come face to face with that taunting white mask. You instead focused on his eyes beneath the plastic exterior.

Every nerve ending came alive as you watched his large hands coming up and unclasping the fasten behind his mask. The cold façade fell away and you felt pin pricks of both dread and wonder overtake you.

The masked killer-unmasked.

And remarkably, if not tragically, handsome beyond your comprehension.

Those same dark eyes that gobbled up any light in the room, curtained by long strands of dark hair. Mussed from the mask, and his previous explorations of your body.

A small mole rested under one eye, well shaped nose and perfectly carved smile adorned by pink lips. His jaw was severe but softened by the rest of his features when he smiled.

It set your whole being on edge. Looking at him, the man you'd been talking to for months. Who'd been taunting you at every turn.

Who'd killed people.

"Do you prefer the mask, Detective?"

You swallowed thickly at the insinuated repercussions of having seen his face. Knowing you could pick him out of a lineup easily. You'd never be able to forget that face.

Terminally Handsome.

He smirked at you, as if reading your thoughts. Grip tightening on the knife and drawing it in lazy circles and arcs over your skin once more.

Pressing deeply just under your ribcage, a rivulet of blood being drawn to the surface as you sucked in a ragged gasp.

The pain mixed with excitement as you felt yourself dampen again just watching him.

"Let's remove this, shall we?" He nodded to your bustier that was beginning to feel very tight and hot against your body.

You felt the blade slip under the center point where it laced up corset style and watched as each ribbon gave way to the sharpened metal slicing its way upwards.

You felt like your chest could finally expand and take in oxygen once he reached forward tearing the offending fabric away from you. It even took your hazy brain to register that now you lay completely exposed to the monster before you.

Monster...or man. You couldn't decide at the moment.

The blade tip circled one nipple then the other, your body betrayed you in every sense of the word as you groaned at the cool sensation. The tight bud responding eagerly to his ministrations.

There was no mask hiding his expressions now. Amusement and darkening shadows of lust.

"I can tell you're enjoying this as much as me." He leaned in close and whispered, licking the shell of your ear. Then placing a heated kiss to your neck before working his way downard.

Taking your nipple into his hot mouth and sucking enough for your eyes to roll back and hips rise up in need. He then turned his attention to the other breast. Tongue stroking you as you felt the knife pressed to the other side keeping you in place.

"Please." You wanted to cringe away from how helpless you felt as the word escaped your lips. Not helpless asking to be let go, but helpless-begging for more.

At that the gorgeous man above you's eyes rose to catch your powerless gaze. You knew this entire time, for months, you'd never been the one in charge. It had always been him. And you fell for it- hook, line and sinker.

"Billy."

"How do I know that's not a fake name?" You ventured, crying out when his mouth tortured you again.

"Does it matter?" No. Nothing mattered at this moment. Your world had shrunk and it was just you and him. You and Billy.

"No. It doesn't." He seemed to like that. Continuing his assault on your body until you couldn't tell where your body ended and his began.

Dizzy from pleasure and wanting, no, needing more. You could feel his arousal pressed into your thigh as he hovered over you kissing and marking up your shoulder.

"Billy I-"

"Shhhhh." The cool press of the blade against your lips. "I know."

And damn him, he did. You couldn't control how your body reacted as you watched him slowly unbuckle his belt, black pants dropping to the floor around his ankles.

His pupils blown wide, moving towards you, no longer a man. A killer stalking his prey. He moved in near silence until he was hovering over you.

His lips were on yours again, demanding, controlling, guiding every movement and you followed him like a lost puppy. Biting his bottom lip before he could pull away, drawing a drop of blood to fall between you two.

He pulled back, fingers tentatively touching the small wound. The look he gave you next was feral. No humanity left in it. Only terrible delight and amusement.

You felt him pressing at your entrance, hot and hard. Your knees fell apart further and you heard him chuckle into your chest as he drove home.

It was truly criminal how good it felt, how right it felt. You were turned on and disgusted by yourself all at once, but soon that little voice telling you to hold back was drowned out by each push of his hips against yours.

You wanted to hold onto him, to run your fingers through his hair to claw at his back but all your wrists could do was press against the metal holding you back. Bruises rubbing into your skin.

He struck something deep inside you and you muffled a cry into his shoulder. Building higher and higher, soaring above you body with each movement.

You could feel him getting closer too, a shift of his hips catching just the right angle and your toes curled.

"Scream for me, Detective. Like you've been wanting to all these months."

His pace picked up, Billy groaning and the sounds of your bodies coming together again and again and again.

Your body couldn't take it anymore, fucked into oblivion. Your body clenched then released, fireworks filling your vision and spikes of pleasure drove through ever cell of your body.

"Billy!" You screamed as loud as you could, the clanging of your wrists and feet fighting their confines as your back arched into him.

At the sound of you coming again he drove in deeper than he had before and followed you over the precipice. Groaning loud as his fingers dug into your hips.

He whispered your name into your ear as he came, punctuating it with a final crush of hip hips against yours. The sound of your full name on his lips made your head hazy.

You felt a sharp prick on your side and the room around you began to swim. You could feel his fingers caressing the side of your face.

"This has been very nice Detective. I look forward to doing it again sometime." He placed a passionate kiss to your lips before giving you a soft almost tender kiss to your forehead. "Sweet Dreams." Then the room went dark.

You didn't know how long it'd been but you blinked eyes squinting at the bright light overhead. You were in a hospital, sounds of people milling about made you turn your head to the side.

"Detective!" On of your colleagues exclaimed, jumping up from her seat. " You're awake!"

"What happened?"

"We found you in the club...Tied to a table. But wearing different clothing than you'd been wearing before going inside." she gulped. "We saw the torn fragments of dress though."

So he'd been a gentleman and dressed you before leaving.

"Have you found him?" Her eyes fell to her clasped hands before shaking her head.

"No not yet but we will." Her phone beeped and she gave a baleful smile before pausing to walk out and take the call.

When you turned over onto your other side on the side table you noticed a large bouquet of flowers. A note placed in the center with a heart drawn on it.

You scrambled to open the card.

"Thank you for the amazing night, Detective. Until next time."

[mythserene]

LEWISOHN: Let's crowdsource this bastard.

Check a footnote.

Whether you heroically tear straight into him like @wingsoverlagos or you find one thing like @delightfullyatomicfest did, it matters! What I hoped for and imagined from the beginning was some sort of crowdsourced work. There is too much for any one person, and one of the biggest problems with Beatles' sources is that they're not all equally easy to get to for everyone. And although this has become personal for me, it is an objectively huge problem for all Beatles fans and scholars that the man who has collectively been called the Beatles historian has—and I cannot say this clearly enough—BEEN JUST MAKING SHIT UP.

He literally ends ‘Tune In’ with a fabricated line that he sources to John Lennon. (!!!)

(Which I might not have realized for ages—if ever—if not for this @wingsoverlagos post)

Lewisohn has no shame.

And while it may seem like we are screaming into the void right now, I will tell you that we are not. I fear jinxing anything so I won't say more now, but our work is not in vain. People are paying attention. How can they help but pay attention? It's too shocking a betrayal. Too great a breach of trust. It has become overwhelming and impossible to ignore, and it has happened so quickly. Just by a few people taking the time to do the work.

And what is obvious now is that if you take a piece of source material that's referenced and go through it you will find butchered and fabricated quotes. And whether you do it that way or just check a footnote that interests you PLEASE TELL ME what you find! 🙏🏻

I am trying to gather all this up in one place. An ammo dump, if you will. If you want credit, tell me how you want to be credited, linked to, and any combination thereof. (I don't like taking credit for things I don't find, anyway.) But either shoot me a message or @ me or all of the above so we can collect all together and it can have the cumulative effect it deserves. (I will respond, but sometimes I am gone for a few days at a time, and occasionally for up to a week. I always come back, though.) #crowdsourcelewisohn

I have also set up an email for collecting funky footnotes: exactwords.lewisohn@gmail.com (At this point I'm only checking this once a week.)

If you look, you almost certainly will find.

If you have any Beatle magazines or Pete Best's book, "Beatle!" you could be a superhero. (One chapter of Best's book is available online, but I haven't been able to find the rest.) Or if you have any less-available source material I am urging you—begging you—to jump in and check some footnotes. With Lewisohn as bold as he is in the easily searchable things just imagine the license he's taking in the rest. But whether hard to find or commonplace, check a source. It adds up and it kind of feels good to uncover some bullshit.

For your edification and motivation I am adding a clip — lightly edited to take out some Lewisohn devolutions (so here's the queued up link) — of Mark Lewisohn bragging and basking in the praise of being called a historian who should be ranked alongside the great LBJ biographer Robert Caro, of him saying that the Beatles should appreciate anyone writing a biography of this high a standard about them, and a momentary lapse into deep resentment that they don't appreciate him. And then he gives his little speech about the Beatles being about “truth with a capital ‘T’” and how he is writing a biography to match that truth.

“Truth” is a word Mark Lewisohn needs to keep out of his mouth. If you feel like he should be struck by lightening for uttering it, that is exactly what I am talking about.

We are that lightening.

Honestly, what AKOM started is so awesome. It gave this an outlet. (And I still go back and listen for both source material and motivation.)

It's sickening to listen to this now. Sickening because Lewisohn has been making us all his dupes for far too long. We have been his marks, and there's almost nothing I hate more than being conned.

[darklordofthesimp]

OK IM BACK

I SRSLY CANNOT GET ANYTHING OUT OF MY HEAD

and i came back to basically another chapter worth of anon spin offs

let me give my two cents on our little babagirl birdy 🤭

No one in 141 is at base apart from Birdy and Price.

They’re all set to be back by around 8pm (idk military times srry homie), but it’s only six.

Plenty of time to let off some pent up frustrations on whatever poor piece of gym equipment they find first.

The equipment in question being the same punching bag they’ve been abusing continuously for the past week.

poor thing is tearing at the seams.

Birdys hands are wrapped in gauze. The white cloth steadily bleeding through as her sloppy, quick punches to the bag continue.

“You can’t do this to me Price. I can’t fucking do this.”

Her breathing was ragged, wet as her chest trickled full of sorrow. Pity; she pitied herself.

Prices eyes flashed. An inkling of regret breaking through his stupid, stupid façade as he peered up at her from his desk.

His hands clasp together tight. Fingers interlacing in an intricate pattern of scars and callouses. Maybe if he tries enough, squeezes tight enough, it might squash the paternal instinct in him to just hide them.

Steal his Birdy, his chic, and run. Keep them safe in the little nest he would make for them both. Father them until they could live by themself. Until they were okay without him.

He squeezed his hands tighter, knuckles whitening.

“I can. And I have to. This is what you need to help yourself,” his voice cut short.

“You don’t have to do shit!,” Birdys voiced dripped a cold, inky venom.

It seeped through his skin and into his bones, infecting anything it could touch to make him understand them.

To make him feel their fear.

Thwak.

Oh. Eyes trailing from the small split in the canvas of our beloved, and now passed, punching bag. To the sand creating a small mess on the floor.

In any other situation, Birdy would be impressed with themself.

You would think surviving something as critical as a shattered skull would give someone motivation.

A reason to keep going.

A light, or hope. A miracle if you believed.

If you survived that impossibility, then you could survive anything to come at you.

Birdy heard the whispers, the comparisons. They knew they beat the odds.

But god, why.

Why, if they could survive a weight of a 6’10 monster.

Why does it feel like they won’t survive the crushing weight of their own mind.

okay thx ☺️ my writing needs are now fufilled

although i MIGHT come back with more for u bc i’m like shaking with ideas ;(

\o/ <3

How

How am I meant to follow up from that.

YOU KNOW WHAT. IM NOT. I'm gonna put some fucking hashtags on this shit and let it speak for itself. This is Canon thank you very much for your addition to the Anything lore.

I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS

YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE ALL TALENTED

WHY ARE YOUSE WRITING THIS IN A FUCKING ASK BOX INSTEAD OF IN A NOVEL. YOU SHOULD BE GETTING FUCKING PAID.

The part of Price needing to fucking save them. To protect them and forcing himself to remember who the fuck he is and what their job is. BIRDY FUCKING THAT BAG UPPPPP

BRO

I cannot.

[takaraphoenix]

I’ve been meaning to make this post since season 1, but particularly with a book-based fandom as an exclusive show-watcher, it felt premature. After season 2 and the elements added to the narrative, I have an itching in my fingers.

What makes the Darkling, as a villain, so very compelling is the fact that his incredibly fucking valid motivation is just completely swept under the rug. And I mean completely.

I think there might be less appeal to him if there was more acknowledgement to the shit going on in this world, to be honest? I just find it completely impossible to actually root for the “good” guys because I don’t... see an argument made for what they stand.

It’s a tale as old as time, when it comes to storytelling.

You have a character and his motivation is that his people are being mistreated, abused and straight-up murdered by an oppressive force and he won’t stand for it anymore.

Now, here’s the problem with that. This does not read like a villain’s motivation. Not at all. So the author will sprinkle a good amount of murder and atrocities in there to show the audience that This Is The Bad Guy and the majority of the audience with then nod along with this. And, gotta say, really working well in this fandom, it’s baffling how much blind hatred I see for Aleksander based on all of the murder and atrocities but I don’t think I’ve seen anyone outside the people who like Aleksander bring up that what he actually stands for is right. So, that worked, I guess.

The bigger problem with these narratives however, the much, much bigger problem, is that usually, it creates a hero who doesn’t stand for anything. Because instead of giving the hero the same motivation - especially in cases where the hero comes from the same oppressed group, and they usually do - and making the hero find a better solution for this problem, a heroic solution, a no-murder-and-no-atrocities solution, the hero just... fights the villain.

The hero fights the villain to ensure the status quo, very often even directly in the name of the oppressive force. And that’s exactly what’s happening here and I’m not having a good time with that, fellas.

I love Nikolai as a character - would love him 300% more if he was just a pirate and not a prince. Because now he is just... the latest... in a long line of monarchs. And Alina aligns herself with the same bloodline that’s been oppressing Grisha for centuries. And Alina fights in their name and at their side. And Alina is now, in the aftermath, rebuilding... the status quo.

She wants Zoya to train the Grisha, back at the palace, so they can once again serve the royal family and work under the non-Grisha. She is actively helping Nikolai claim his family’s throne. Again, I like Nikolai as a character, and you could give me a whole list of book spoilers of what amazing changes he may make once he’s king or whatever, that doesn’t change the core premise of what he symbolizes and what system is being supported here.

If it were at least the narrative of her wanting the throne, her wanting active change. A Grisha on the throne, who would rule the people, would change the laws and the way her people are ruled, but instead, she’s playing side-piece to the exact same royal family and helping them stay in power and... what about that is satisfying?

What about that is worth rooting for? Why am I supposed to be on that side?

Everyone seems to have very personal feelings on that matter that really are about Aleksander, as a character, and are very specifically about the atrocities and murders that were written for this exact reason and I... really struggle with this.

It’s so lazy. I think the Grishaverse is a very interesting world with a whole lot of potential and the characters in it are absolutely amazing - this world does live off its characters alone, honestly. But the very core confrontation that we’re presented with is incredibly lazy and unsatisfactory.

I understand that Aleksander is supposed to be the villain. I understand you’re not going to have Alina join his side. But... Alina didn’t have to join the side of the monarchy either. Alina could have had her own side, she could have fought for genuine change and true freedom for the Grisha and that would have been a cause to get behind.

But as things stand? As things stand, I quite honestly rather support the guy who has seen centuries of oppression, enslavement and murder of their kind and wants to end it with all means rather than the side that fights for the status quo.

[veryace-ficrecs]

Valentines Day Fic Recs

Happy valentines day! this list will be fics focused around or on valentines day! Enjoy!

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

One Piece

waiting by tinyjet7 - Rated G

zoro watches sanji hand out treats to everyone but him.

Ship to Sea, Lock to Key by 8ball - Rated G

“I want to buy the cook a restaurant.”

Ted Lasso

Take My Whole Life Too by ItsClydeBitches - Rated G

Ted Lasso was the kind of man who taught NSYNC choreography for a going away party and bent his players into impossible positions just to say “Hi, Boss!” in the morning. He’d organized fearsome bets over darts, baked heavenly biscuits on the regular, and had requested at least two boxes from Nate Shelley’s niece, one of which still sat on a shelf in his office, despite the betrayal. Ted was also a passionate believer in what he referred to as “rom-communism,” all the trappings included. In retrospect, Trent should have known he’d go all out for Valentine’s Day.

9-1-1

Take Another Little Pizza My Heart by Phreakycat - Rated T

In which Buck helps Christopher with his Valentines for school, and discovers some things about himself. OR Buck is oblivious, but Eddie loves him anyway.

be my valentine by coupe_de_foudre - Rated G

“What sort of stupid joke is this, Buck?” Buck gapes, holding his hands up in mock-surrender. “Hey, I didn’t do this! I was driving.” (or Christopher gets sick of his dad and Buck being oblivious idiots and decides to help them out)

Stranger Things

Be My Valentine? by Sharpbutsoft (BuckysButt) - Rated T

“Aren’t you sick of me, yet?” Eddie asks, joint dangling precariously between two fingers. He’s stretched out on the floor of his bedroom. It’s this ritual he and Steve have been sharing for months now. Light some incense, order pizza, share a joint or three and give voice to the half-formed thoughts swirling round their heads. Eddie’s been balancing on the precipice of this conversation for longer than he’d care to admit. Exposing himself, pushing a boundary he knows better than to break.  This thing with Steve, this delicate relationship, if you could even call it that. It still feels new, fresh. Fragile. And Eddie’s not known for handling these things with care. Smash first, ask questions later. 

Cupid's One-Shot by DeadEyedGemini - Rated T

When Will Byers calls him up on a Saturday afternoon to invite him to come and play a surprise One-Shot at Gareth's house on Valentine's Day he doesn't really have a reason to say no, it's not like has a date or anything better to do. Imagine his surprise when he showed up to find that not only is Robin Buckley there to play but so is his long-time crush and friend, Steve Harrington. Soon it becomes apparent that everyone seems to be in on some secret that Eddie isn't aware of, but also that this one-shot might have an alternative motive than just being something to do on a Tuesday night.

IT

cherry cordial by ShowMeAHero - Rated E

He’s staring down hard at his phone, scrolling aimlessly through Facebook without reading anything, when someone bumps into him. Whoever it is grabs the pole, their hands brushing against each other’s. Right in his ear, the guy says, “Fucking shit, you’re hot.” Eddie’s head jerks up, startled, and he meets the bright blue eyes of a man at least eight inches taller than him. The guy’s got a pink knit cap tugged down over his head and a spill of curls falling down from it, his glasses fogging up in the warmth of the train car. “What?” Eddie demands.

Supernatural

(un)attached by one_more_offbeat_anthem - Rated G

Three months after Chuck's defeat, Dean is spending his Valentine's Day eating spaghetti and making cards with Jack while his brother goes on a post-hunt vacation. And then Jack asks if he can make a card for Cas.

Bee my Valentine? by your_average_fangirl256 - Rated G

Valentine's Day Fluff.

Dean builds Cas a garden..and Cas proposes in it. There are Pie and Bees too.

Teen Wolf

Candy-Coated Roses by simplyambyy - Rated G

Holidays at work are always a festive time and Valentine’s Day is no exception. The entire building is covered in hearts and flowers while the front desk of every floor has a dish of Hershey’s kisses wrapped in red, pink, and silver foil. Stiles exits the elevator and makes his way towards his cubicle, smiling and murmuring greetings to his favorite co-workers on his way. For some reason, the twenty-six-year-old was in a pretty good mood and it might have to do with the cherry-flavored lollipop he knew was waiting for him at his cubicle. What Stiles isn’t expecting is the pile of roses and lollipops covering his desk space.

Craigslist Valentine by Triangulum - Rated E

The Craigslist ad had been because Peter had been wonderfully, spectacularly drunk. Reservations for the Palm are hard to get, even for someone like Peter, and he's had his name down for eight months. He refuses to waste it. If he hadn't been trashed on expensive pinot noir, he would have considered maybe inviting his best friend, Chris, or taking out a niece or nephew. But no, he'd been three sheets to the wind and decided that he needed to share his Valentine's Day dinner reservations with a random stranger. Or Peter refuses to let good dinner reservations go to waste just because his (ex)girlfriend cheated on him. He drunkenly makes a Craigslist ad to find a date, and Stiles answers.

Labyrinth (1986)

Valentine Revisions by Rayac - Rated M

As part of a cathartic exercise, Sarah is dared to prepare some unusual Valentines for the men of her past. She never planned on the Goblin King actually receiving his or that he would meet her revised expectations. But does he ever.

Star Wars

no place like home by ShowMeAHero - Rated G

“Anything else?” she asks, ringing up his coffees. The ding, ding-ding, ding, ding of the register’s buttons wakes Han up a little bit more. “Yeah,” he says, “I’ll have a pack of, uhh… Whatever’s cheapest.” He taps his blunt nails on the vinyl countertop. “And do you have those little, like— Those little cards kids give each other?” “Like, the little folding ones?” she asks him. “You realize that today is—” “Yeah, I’m aware."

Merlin

From the Heart by supercalvin - Rated G

In which Arthur gives Merlin gifts. “No.” Morgana shook her head, “No, see you don’t understand.” Morgana took him by the shoulder and pulled him close as if to divulge a secret. “Arthur Pendragon does not give good gifts. He is actually the worst gift-giver in all of England.” “Oh come on, the scarf isn’t that bad.” Merlin said, now kind of insulted for the piece of fabric. “Merlin, the scarf is perfect for you. It’s a good gift. Arthur doesn’t give good gifts.”

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[starter-library]

THE GUY WHO DIDN'T LIKE MUSICALS LYRIC STARTERS feel free to change phrasing/pronouns as you see fit

“Musicals tell the impossible (impossible) They evoke the philosophical”

“Should we kill him?”

“What an ass! What a bitch! What a cuck!”

“The apotheosis is upon us”

“Where the fuck is he?”

“You gotta believe in something, [name], you piece of shit”

“[Name] you piece of shit”

“Sometimes I just wanna shout on top of roof and mountain tops”

“Yesterday is retroactive Got myself a new perspective”

“What the fuck was that?”

“I may not have a home but that's way okay”

“The world is my house, The dogs are my food”

“Uh, what's going on here?! I'm very confused and concerned by all this”

“Do you wanna save the planet?”

“What do you want, [name]? Tell me what you desire to see”

“So, what do you want, Paul? What's that one concrete goal that motivates all your actions?”

“I don't know, I want what anyone wants? Money, a partner? Kids, someday, maybe?”

“A man so vague just can't be trusted”

“D'you know what I want for myself? I've waited for so long to tell somebody else.”

“You're my muse, my source of light”

“[name] my love. I want you to choke me out at night”

“I want you to choke me while I jerk off”

“I'm gonna go get some coffee, do you want anything?”

“Get your cup of roasted coffee”

“Get your cup of poisoned coffee”

“You better empty out all of them pockets but don't empty out all of them pockets”

“Check your mirror, you'll find hell has arrived”

“Do the things I say, I'm a cop”

“Put in your mouth and suck it!”

“Oh, [name], please stop! I'm your wife, just talk to me, baby!”

“God, we were young once. Innocent and fun once and free”

“You tied up my heart, You tied me down”

“Now break me open with your love and mercy”

“[name], baby! Apple of my eye! Don't you trust me?”

“I've effed up, [name], effed up with you”

“Will you ever forgive me? I'll crawl on my hands and knees”

“Oh fuck, I'm fading fast, I think you better come quick”

“I really don't wanna die alone in here. Time to say our goodbyes at the end of the road”

“This body's not gonna last, the air is cold and thick”

“You brought me back from the dead, [name]!”

“The time for chaos is long past overdue”

“Death isn't optional in fact it’s optimal”

“Join us and die”

“We're gonna kick your ass and then we're gonna Fucking kick your ass”

“I'm not your girl anymore”

“You left me out of your sight for one second and look what happens, nightmare time”

“No matter what you believe The apple's fallen far from the tree”

“It's not my fault anymore”

“Did you know that I wanted to live with you?

“Why does it hurt to love you? Why am I in pain?”

“If I turned my insides out, would you even know that I was there?”

“A show stoppin' number is something you die for”

“This song's pretty good, huh? I bet you didn't know I was also a composer”

“I've also been writing my own musical…Do you mind if I give you the pitch?”

“But those glory days, they're gone for good…Or are they?”

“Business calls, I'm up to my ass in shit. What is this business?”

“Last weekend feels like ages ago”

“I can't wait to get home to my boys”

“Come on, [name] We've got some catching up to do”

“There's only room for right and wrong”

“You can't run”

“You're staring down the gun 'Cause you're easily disposed”

“Did you hear the word?”

“Is your heart so damp and bleak that you won’t give us a peek of your soul?”

“There's a voice inside of you on the edge of coming through”

“Am I dead? I’m coming apart at the seams!”

“I’ve never been happy wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Is my integrity worth anything at all?”

“Am I crazy? Maybe I’ve always been”

“What if I told you I made it and this is the life that I chose?”

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

“Don't you want to see me happy? Is it so tragically wrong?”

“We must go on with the show it's inevitable”

“I found my calling you can do the same now”

[biillyhargroves]

Billy and Eddie being open about their relationship. It starts with Max, because she’s always around. Billy is basically her third parent, often scowls that he’s her only parent. And with Max comes Eleven; two peas in a pod, those two, and there’s no use sneaking around them. They’re not the types to gossip, anyway — not with anyone but each other. So, fine, they know.

Heather, too, is impossible to hide from. Billy would sneak around the back of the pool, in an alcove outside the locker rooms, and Eddie would meet him there. They’d smoke, shoot the shit, sometimes kiss a little. Heather was unfazed the first time she caught them, just rolled her eyes and told Billy he had ten minutes left. After that, she always made sure the coast was clear for them, snapping at anyone who tried to go back there when she knew they were there.

Then it’s Eddie’s band, because Billy starts hanging around, killing time before he’s due at work. He kicks back, smokes, commentates. The guys are nervous at first. This is Billy Hargrove, after all. Keg King Hargrove, jock superstar, machismo wrapped in leather and bolstered by muscle cars and Marlboros. Gareth always has his haunches up, protective of Eddie, worried that Billy might have some ulterior motive. But he doesn’t. He’s chill. He just hangs, and he seems comfortable — with Eddie, at least. Even teases him, calls him pretty, calls him babe. It all sounds ironic, silly, until Jeff mentions that he saw Eddie blushing, that the way Eddie looks at Billy is a little more than friendly. He saw them together, close together, behind the Hideout after a show, had wanted to say something but didn’t want to out them in public. Gareth tests the waters, jokingly, safely. The next time the two play-flirt at rehearsal, he quips that they should get a room and Eddie looks at Billy, “What do you say?” And Billy brushes him off, makes a joke of it all, but he kisses Eddie before he leaves and that’s it. They know now, and it’s okay.

This leads to Billy crashing Hellfire meetings. There’s a few more people, sure, but most of them are younger, freshman and sophomores, the freaks of the future that Eddie pulls under his wing. Billy knows his reputation, knows that the kids fear him too much and respect Eddie too deeply to mess with them. He sits by Eddie, holds his hand, lets Eddie rest a hand on his leg or sling an arm over his shoulders. It feels easy, natural, and no one seems to care. Lucas never even seems to notice, already knows from being around Max and, by extension, Billy. Mike and Dustin? They take longer to come around, always wary, at least until they realize that knowledge is spreading through the school, that the rumor on the street is that Hargrove has taken a liking to the school freak and that his scary dog privilege extends to everyone around Munson.

They have fun with the rumors, let them run wild, refuse to confirm or deny anything to anyone who isn’t already in their circle. Their friends get in on the joke, drop buckwild lore about them just to see what might spread, report back with their findings. Billy and Eddie are amused by it all. They’re secure in their relationship. They’re just in love, and openly so, and they’ve got a band of people around them who will absolutely fight for their right to stay that way.

[ducky-died-inside]

Hello there, Ducky! I hope you’re doing well. May I suggest Varian with a Gender Neutral s/o who is a pirate? Like idk how to expand ahh like just a funky pirate s/o that sings him sea shanties and brings gifts from far away places? Much obliged, stay safe!! Feel free to delete this req if you’d like

The Wellerman: Varian x GN Pirate Reader

Summary: Headcanons for if you were a pirate and Varian's s/o

Genre: mostly fluff with a bit of angst

Notes: I love sea shanties so yes. Also I'm just doing headcanons for this bc I tried writing a fic but my motivation and inspiration dried up. Reader is 21 and Varian is 20.

Warnings: bit of blood and small stab wound, cursing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He absolutely LOVES your voice, no matter what you think about it

He will beg you to sing any songs you learned from sailing or other pirates

His favorite is the Wellerman (this is my favorite and I'm definitely projecting shhhh)

"Please, Y/N! You like singing it, I like hearing it, it all works out!

"Fine, but this is the last time today."

"Yay!"

There once was a ship that put to sea...

You steal little things that remind you of him while on your travels

It's mostly rare chemicals and shit that he mentions in passing

You remember everything he needs

He never once gives you any lists of stuff, but you come home with a big ass bag full of stuff for him every time

"Y/N, this is too much."

"Nonsense! You said you needed all this shit so I got it for you!"

"...did you pay for any of it?"

"...maybe, maybe not. You can't prove anything!"

"Babes, you know I love it when you get me alchemy stuff, but can you at least try to pay for it?"

"...with money I've stolen or..."

"Oh my god. You're impossible."

"You know you love me!"

The first thing you ever bought with your own money was new alchemy beakers for him

You also find little things for Rapunzel to bribe her into letting you date Varian

Eugene and Lance tell you stories about their thieving days and you take notes on what got them caught

You eventually win Ruddiger and Max over using stolen apples

Varian demands you come back every time you get injured so he can take care of you, and while he wouldn't know if you didn't, it goves you an excuse to come back to visit

"Babes, I get that it's dangerous on the high seas, but how the fuck do you get so injured? It's almost like you do it on purpose..."

"Well, you're not really wrong there..."

"Y/N! THAT'S NOT GOOD!"

"Whaaaaat? It gives me an excuse to come back and see your handsome face."

"And while I love seeing you, there has to be a different way."

"This is nothing. This stab wound is practically nothing compared to what I've had to deal with before. Besides..."

"Let me guess, I should see the other guy? Also, that isn't comforting or surprising in the slightest and I can't decide which is worse."

"Ding ding ding! I'll be fine! 'Tis but a scratch."

"Not just a scratch. Your shirt is covered in dried blood."

"Most of it isn't mine..."

"Y/N!"

Cassandra joined your crew at one point while on her travels

You noticed her name was familiar from Varian's stories about her, but didn't question it

Cassandra's a common enough name, right? She wasn't the same one who kidnapped your partner and almost killed him?

To be fair, you almost had the first time you guys met

He had seen your sword and wanted to get a closer look

He had barely put a finger on it before you had shoved him against the wall and put it against his neck.

He was down bad immediately.

"No one touches my fucking sword except me or the people who get it in the gut. Got it?"

"L-loud and clear."

"Alright. Can I buy you a drink? That got a little out of hand there."

"That would be nice."

She caught you writing a letter to Varian one time and you guys found out how you know about her

"Whoa, what's that?"

"Believe it or not, Cassandra, but it's a letter. For someone really important to me."

"Oh do tell. Who is so special that they've got the mighty Captain Y/N blushing like a small child?"

"First, I'm blushing like a Captain. Second, if you really need to know, his name is Varian."

"Oh my god, wait. Varian?"

"Yeah?"

"Kinda short, black hair with a blue stripe in the bangs, raccoon with him all the time, absolutely loves alchemy?"

"Wait, do you know him?!"

"Know him? I almost killed that little shit!"

"Wait a minute, YOU'RE THAT CASSANDRA?!"

"HE TALKS ABOUT ME?!"

"He said something about a kidnapping some years back. Said you were a great friend until you got corrupted and then un-corrupted."

"Huh. Would've expected a worse report from him."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's all for now! I'll add more if I think of them!

Taglist: @ask-qiqi @kxgaminerin @nocturne-the-raven

[barghestapologist]

I spend an inappropriate amount of time thinking about my cyberpunk ocs, so I figured I'd write a little about some of my design principles for making a cyberpunk character that fits well into the world! These are just some of the guidelines I use for making characters that helps me flesh them out better. This is something I’ve had the idea to do for a bit, but you all also seem to love my ocs which only furthers my insanity!! Thank you all for my interest in them, it makes me so happy 😭

-Basing around an npc

For both Kerberos and Garnett, I based their characters around npcs present in the game, but this only works well in specific cases. For both of their bases, these are characters without major significance. Garnett's base, the sniper commando in the Black Sapphire sniper nest, is an npc with no name, no reoccurrence, and no real significance outside the scene where you knock him out. While this npc can be killed, you kind of have to go out of your way to do so. This left me with a good blank slate of a character to work with! Even better, this npc has motivation I was able to use. V knocks him out, steals his gun, and he presumably faces the consequences of not detecting and dispatching an intruder. While not all of my cyberpunk ocs are based around npcs, I find that it can make things a lot easier and more fun!

-Connection to V

This is actually a principle my girlfriend came up with, and I think it's not only useful, but can also be really fucking funny. Connections to any existing character are fun to develop, but I personally find V’s connections to be most interesting. V's had an influence on the better part of Night City in one way or another, and probably on your ocs too! While this influence can be positive or negative, I think it's way funnier if it's negative. Thinking realistically though, how many people is V the antagonist to? For Garnett, she snatches his huge expensive gun and gets him demoted. He may not hate her (he's too damn nice) but she undoubtably makes his life harder. For Kerberos, V's ultimately the one that kills Slider, another powerful netrunner in Dogtown. This has no direct effect on him, but it sure sets his nerves on end, and influences his story further down the road. Of course, it can get a little unrealistic to have every one of your ocs have this sort of connection, but be real, V's fucking everywhere, and their actions in the grand scheme of things will have an effect on your oc somewhere. I find its funniest when two ocs that have had separate interactions with V get to talking and realize they’ve been fucked over by the same person 😭

-Finding your niche

Any oc, whether they're a truly original character in an original storyline, or a fan character like I'm discussing, has a distinct place they fit into their world. With cyberpunk, a pre existing universe with its own rigidities, there's a billion things to consider when trying to find just where an oc fits, but that's the fun part! Which existing characters do they know, which are their allies and which their enemies? Who do they work for currently, and who in the past? Where are they from? How'd they end up where they are now? And the all important question of why the fuck are they still in Night City There's a LOT to consider when keeping things realistic, but don't get ahead of yourself. It's cyberpunk, and realism shouldn't be all you're shooting for! If you're not finding quite the right spot, don't be afraid to change things a little! It's virtually impossible to stick to canon 100% when making ocs for anything, so you might as well do shit your own way.

-Personal pieces

Almost every major npc in cyberpunk has a custom weapon, and some have custom vehicles as well. Both of these factors, I feel, are as crucial as anything else when making a cyberpunk oc. In Night City, your iron and your wheels are second only to your life. A lot can be said about a character by the weapon they wield. Is this just something they use to protect themselves, or is their weapon something they treat as an extension of their body? A tool or their baby? The same goes for vehicles. Is this some barely functional hunk of metal that gets them around, or would they scream and cry over the smallest scratch? Garnett's custom weapon, "Houndstooth", a brass knuckle trench knife, isn't something he has a particular attachment to. Sure he named it, sure its saved his life once or twice, but to him, it's just a knife. His car on the other hand, "Courser", a highly customized Quadra type-66 640 TS, is absolutely everything to him. It gets graffitied and he clutches his chest like he's been shot. First adding these, they seemed like trivial details akin to fun facts to me, but the more I developed on them, the more they contributed to his character. I say every part is my favorite to develop, but there's something about the weapons and vehicles I have a ton of fun with.

Done reading? Thank you hehe ok go work on your ocs NOW!!

[felixskzzzstay]

Scattered Stars

Synopsis: nonidol!au, Lee Felix x afab reader, slowburn, Hyunjin introduced y/n and Felix a few years ago, since then they have become really close, never did they expect what else was in store for them

Warnings: Angst, drinking, smoking, smut

Note: I’m so happy that actually is a few people that seem to like this fic, it gives me motivation to carry on writing it, I still don’t really know how long I want it to be yet, but at the moment I’m just really enjoying writing it, also, off topic from the story, if you enjoy this and want to send me any requests for any oneshots and things like that I’ll happily take them, I’ll write anything, sfw or nsfw, I really don’t mind, anyway, enjoy.

Chapter Three: Jealous

Warning: Drinking, swearing, angst

Scattered Stars masterlist

_______________________________________________

In a flash second, Felix goes scurrying away. You’re left standing in a trance, staring at the couple in the distance. How did they even know each other? It takes what feels like hours to break out of your trance and shock and realise Felix is no longer standing next to you. “Shit!” The club is massive, and there’s about three floors to it, as they play a different genre of music on each different floor. It’ll be impossible to find him.

You run back to the group and explain what happened. “Okay, so let’s split up and search for him, we’ll cover more ground that way.” Hyunjin says with a concerned tone of voice.

You hug Chan and breathe in his relaxing scent. He strokes your hair and whispers to you soothingly, “we’ll find him, it’ll be okay.”

You all split up and go on a hunt for him.

You’ve searched everywhere on the first floor with Felix no where to be found. You start to panic, what if he’s not even in this club anymore? What if he’s ran out and is wandering the dark streets alone, intoxicated and on the verge of breaking down.

You start your search on the second floor and go over to area with booths and couches and find him slouched against one, shot glasses littering the table in front of him. You run to him. “Felix! You had me worried sick.”

Felix puts his head on your shoulder. “So now there’s another guy. I never thought she would ever do this to me and hurt me like this.”

“I know, Lix. Look, I think it’s time we get you home and into bed.”

Felix looks at you, his eyes copying that of a sad puppy. “I’ll only go home if you come back with me. It was nice when you slept with me last time.”

“What?”

You turn your head to see Chan standing there, watching the exchange between the two of you. “What did he just say?” He asks with hurt in his eyes. “Did he just say you slept together?” His voice starts to rise.

You stand up quickly, rushing towards Chan. “No, no, no. He didn’t mean it like that. He means we slept next to each other, as in shared a bed and just slept.”

Chan doesn’t look convinced. “You shared a bed? With another man?”

You frown. “Not just any man, Felix, our best friend. He was hurt and wanted comfort.”

“So you comfort him, you don’t just get into bed with him!”

“Why do you have a problem with how close I am with my friends all of a sudden? I’ve shared a bed with Jinnie many times, ever since we were kids.”

“Yeah, before you met me. How do you think it makes me feel imagining you in another man’s bed?”

You bite your lip.

“Unless, you’ve shared a bed with him while me and you have been together and not told me. I’m not around to give you attention so you jump into bed with the man closest to you, is that it?”

“No! Chan, I’m not like that.” You feel tears threatening to spill out over his hurtful words.

“How do I know that? For all I know, you’ve been having sex with Felix behind my back?”

You open your mouth in shock. How could he say that? He knows how hurt Felix has been over Irene cheating on him.

“I’m leaving.” He announces.

You reach out to grab his arm. “Wait!”

He shrugs you off. “I need some space, y/n.”

You stand there and watch his figure walk further and further away from you. You slump down next to Felix in despair.

“I ruin my own relationship and now yours too.”

You cuddle into him. “You didn’t ruin anything, Lix. Irene decided she wanted to be a cheating bitch and Chan is just a bit jealous. You didn’t do anything wrong.

~~~•~~~

A few days later and you still haven’t heard anything from Chan. You think he must still want some space, you didn’t want to reach out first, you thought he’d do it when he’s ready. But after days of hearing nothing from him, you decide to plan a movie night at your place with the boys and invite Chan.

All the boys said they were in, but all you heard back from Chan was that he was busy.

You don’t let this effect your mood though. This will all work out in the end.

A knock on your door startles you from your thoughts. You answer the door. “Hey, guys!”

“I brought beer.” Changbin states, holding up a big crate of beer in one hand.

“Great! Thanks, Bin. Come in.”

The boys all file in.

You all get comfy on your couch, each with a bottle of beer in hand. You take a sip of yours. “So, what’s Chan up to that’s got him so busy?”

The boys all glance at each other. “We don’t know, he won’t even talk to us.” Han looks down. “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“Yeah, and he keeps glaring at me. I don’t know what’s gotten into him, he never had a problem with us before.” Hyunjin adds in.

“Do you think there might be something else going on? To make him act this way?” You ask.

“No idea, I tried talking to him, to try and see what was going on in his mind, but he wasn’t giving me anything.”

“Well, thanks for trying, Bin.” You smile softly at him.

Hyunjin wraps his arm around you and you place your head on his shoulder. “Let’s not talk about it for now and just enjoy tonight.”

Half way into the movie and you’re practically laying on Hyunjin with your legs in Felix’s lap. Felix places his hands on your ankles, absentmindedly rubbing soft circle around them. You feel your eyes fluttering closed at the soothing sensation.

Hyunjin nudges you. “Hey! Don’t fall asleep, we’re coming up to the best part.”

You try your hardest keeping your eyes trained on the tv in front, but Felix’s hands travel further up to your calves, messaging them, while concentrating on the movie. Soon enough, darkness overtakes you.

~~~•~~~

You feel a blanket being placed over you and open your eyes, squinting slightly to see Felix hovering over you.

You sit up, rubbing your eyes. You look around, on one else is to be seen. “Where did everyone go?”

“The guys went home, I was just about to leave too.”

You run your palm down your face. “I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

“Yeah, Hyun wasn’t too happy.” He chuckles as he sits next to you.

You sit up further so you can speak to Felix. “So, how are you feeling nowadays?”

“Yeah, I’m doing better. You’ve been a big help with that.” He strokes your cheek. “But I hope you’re okay.”

You lean into his touch and hum. “I’ll be okay.” You close your eyes briefly.

You feel Felix shuffle closer. You open your eyes to see him staring at you, with a look you’ve never seen before.

You feel yourself inching closer to him, like a magnet is pulling you in. He glances down at your lips so quickly that if you blinked you would’ve missed it. The magnet pulls you in closer and closer, he glances at your lips again, longer this time, you copy his actions, looking at his too. Your eyes follow his tongue as it swipes across his bottom lip, leaving them glistening and looking so inviting. Your lips end up mere centimetres apart, your breath mixes with his, if either of you moved any closer they’d be touching.

The sound of a phone ringing makes you both jump apart. You scramble for your phone and your heart jumps at the name that flashes across the screen. “It’s Chan.”

Felix awkwardly nods. “Right, well I better go.” He awkwardly shuffles out of your apartment, without really saying goodbye.

You shake your head, as if you’re shaking out the memory of what just happened between you to and press the green button. “Uh… hey, Chan.” You answer, not really knowing what to say.

“Hey, can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“In person? If it’s not too late to head over?”

“No, of course not. Head on over, the door’s unlocked.”

“Thank you.” With that, he hangs up.

You bite your fingernails out of nerves, wondering what he wants to talk about.

The guys don’t live very far so it doesn’t take long for him to come strolling through your door.

You stand up to greet him. “Let’s talk in the kitchen.”

Chan sits down at the table while you prepare you both a cup of tea.

You hand him one and sit across from him. “So… what is it you wanted to talk about?”

Chan sighs. “I guess firstly I just wanted to say, I’m really sorry. I was such a dick and I had no right to talk to you that way.””

You nod, not denying the fact that he talked to you like a dick. “Go on.”

“Well, how close you were with the guys never seemed to bother me at first, but recently I’ve found it’s started to effect me more and more.”

“But why? Nothing’s changed. Has something been stressing you lately?”

“I mean, I did have a stressful day at work the night I lashed out at you. Work has been stressing me out so much lately, I guess you were just the closest person to take it out on.”

You nod. You scoot your chair around so you’re sat directly next to him and grab his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just didn’t want to stress you out even more with everything going on with Felix as well.”

“Well, I’d much rather you tell me what’s bothering you then taking it out on me and not speaking to me for days.”

He hangs his head. “I’m so sorry.”

You grab your chin and gently lift his head to look in the eyes. “It’s fine, Chan. And, I’m sorry too, I guess. I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable with the friendships I have with the guys. I crossed the line a bit sharing a bed with Felix.”

Chan smiles. “So… are we okay now?”

You grab his cheeks and squish them. “We’re okay.” You pull him in to kiss you. The moment you had with Felix long forgotten.

~~~•~~~

The next day, you’re all chilling the guys’ place. You and Felix are sat as far apart as possible. Felix keeps awkwardly glancing at you.

He suddenly stands. “Y/n, can I talk to you.”

“Uh… sure.”

You both walk into the kitchen and shut the door. “Can we talk about what happened last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know!” He throws his arms up sporadically. He gestures between you and him. “How we nearly…”

“Oh, that. That was nothing Felix. I think we were both just feeling a little emotional. Nothing more.”

He nods, unconvinced. He looks as though he is thinking deeply.

“Lix, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He answers, shaking any thoughts out of his head. “You’re right. It was nothing. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

You reach your arms out. “Hug?”

He wraps his arms around your waist.

“Are you going to stop being so awkward with me now?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, you idiot.” You pull away and ruffle his hair.

You both walk out with smiles on your faces. Chan eyes you both suspiciously.

When you sit down next to Chan he leans into ear to whisper to you. “What was that about?”

“Oh, it was nothing. I think he just wanted a talk. He’s still hurt over Irene.”

Chan looks over to see Felix laughing at something Han just said. “Yeah, he looks hurt.”

You tilt your head. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs. “Nothing.” Is all he says and he stays distant for the rest of the night right up until you’re ready to go.

You go up to each of the guys and hug them goodbye, when you reach Chan to kiss him goodbye he pulls away and leans in to kiss your cheek instead. You frown as he walks away to his room after saying saying a simple bye.

~~~•~~~

You’re sat at home on the phone to Chan. “What the fuck was that just now?!” You yell.

“What are you on about?”

“You were so distant with me all night, and then when it came to me saying goodbye, you barley even paid me much attention and just rushed off to your room.”

“I was tired.”

“Really? It didn’t seem that way to me.”

“Y/n, you’re reading into too much.”

You shake your head in disbelief. “No, I don’t think I am.”

He doesn’t reply. “Do you know what? I don’t want to to argue with you anymore, I’m hanging up now.”

“So you’re just gonna leave it at that and not even talk it out?”

What the fuck is wrong with this man? One minute he’s distant and now he wants to talk it out. “Yes, I’m tired, Chan.” You mirror his words back to him and hang up.

He starts blowing up your phone with texts but you switch your phone off and head into your bedroom to curl up into your bed and forget about the drama of today.

[plurillean-confessions]

Anyways, 💞 sysian bullshit 💞 (<- said positively) that singlets probably wouldn't understand (<- said negatively).

Stuff where it is like. This is physically impossible in the outer world. Even if it was a feasible thing in the external world. We can't really imagine this working outside our system. So, sometimes, there's just the weirdest most batshit intersections we have ever seen because we are sysian.

Or like. WDK. We've just had some very VERY weird relationships to plural sexuality and probably should've known earlier than a few months ago we are sysian on a collective basis with some interesting plurillean plural4plural exceptions.

-----

For one specific sysian relationship, if anyone ever manages to understand it, considers it as just as valid as external world relationships, and then somehow asks "oh so how did you all actually get together" we know what we are (not) telling them —

[Okay, NGL we have one headmate here whose eyes must have been, like, modified somehow, because he literally has that thing where if he's feeling Things they do this thing where his pupils? strat blinking like white LED lights???

Amd it's kinda

Hot

*KEYSMASHING* ]

What was not mentioned is, aforementioned pupils also literally turn into heart shapes. We stg he is just doing it on purpose sometimes (read: definitely does it on purpose with the express purpose of getting partners to throw themselves at him, lol, we guess ot WORKS fwiw?) lol.

It's not even a hypnosis thing, not that this would even be needed considering at least two of them. keep going at it like goddamn rabbits jeezus christ WDK what it is

And we're not even sure if that would work with other headmates to be honest. We have yet to find literally anyone else who does this and does it well.

-----

Another example:

Pretty sure one system member is just flat out bisexual and technically falls under the plurillean umbrella instead of the sysian umbrella, but he's also around so little these days and that system isn't one we've talked to in awhile.

But like. Our Bungo Stray Dogs fictive literally gave someone a bisexual awakening by fucking around/kinda-shitposting on (unspecified social media) and not realizing they gave someone a bisexual awakening until they posted, literally, something along the lines of they had to pause. And stare at the post(s).

Said person was in a DIFFERENT system, and literally was like "so if I wanted to fight on another plane where we both had our actual fighting capabilities, not being restrained by this moral coil, is that bisexual????" and we just.

Goddamn Ryunosuke. 😭

-----

Even then it's like. We have only fucked each other. External world fucking is a NOPE for us (excepting Ryunosuke???? the world may never know). It's not even connected to anything (as far as we can tell), we just...wdk.

The most connection we might be able to make for that one is like, MAYBE autism sensory stuff and headmates in your own brain inherently know those boundaries better. And we have excellent communication intra-system in ways that just make stuff more intimate (you can't really consensually overlay each others' perceptions, of any sort, on top of each other if each of you is in a different brainbody).

You could blame this or that or the other thing but we just...don't have much of a motivation regarding the external world, and every reason we throw at the wall like a wet noodle doesn't stick, even the reasons we could expect to stick.

Like, we'll consider if someone asks us (romantic interaction only) and we know them well, but we still don't consider that aroace because headmates are people...

-----

The only other system we ever dated in the external world was a piece of shit (not sure if you were around following when we were grieving, or even regrieving, The Eras and the fact we had to initiate that breakup ourselves Mod Lepton? sorry using mobile hopefully that's the name) but the fact is, we dated somesys who we had known since middle school, and it turned out THEY were a system too, and we didn't know until we were dating them. Lolsob.

-----

TLDR, "we're only gay for each other" has way many, many layers to it, to the point that we don't even really know how comprehensible we're being right now. Oops.

The fact is we've only ever been pulled to ourselves, or, very rarely, other plural systems. We're not sure what to make of that, so we're going to plug the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure joke:

Stands and stand users are automatically drawn to other stands and stand users. 😂😭😭😭😂

!