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#in my own stupid anxious head all the time because all my thoughts are a tornado basically
insanechayne · 1 year
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#having a time of things lately#in my own stupid anxious head all the time because all my thoughts are a tornado basically#I just feel full of nervous chaotic energy a lot of the time and no way to burn it off#and I still can’t get him out of my fucking head ever#can’t even be my normal self because I’m so constantly thinking about him and it’s kind of driving me crazy#reasonably the way to break this would probably be to not talk to him for a while#but I simply could not handle that#he’s basically my best friend and the only person I talk to every single day or really care much about#and when we don’t get to talk I just feel like I’m going feral#and there’s so much distance between us now in so many ways#and it’s not like I don’t understand why it has to be this way because I do#but I’m struggling so much with that and it’s ridiculous#I feel like a bad friend for wanting things back the way they were before when he’s dealing with so much more#and I feel like a bitch for feeling like it’s my fault or being so needy or anything really#I’m trying to put the pieces together to figure out why I’m having such a hard time not being normal around him#and I think most of it is because I never really received positive attention in any way my entire life#and then suddenly he comes into my life and everything is different#he flirted with me first and initiated talking about other things first#all before I even knew what he looked like#but my icon is just me so obviously he must have liked me right from the beginning#and no one else has ever really liked me that way ever#and then unfortunately he’s a fucking 10 so that doesn’t make this any easier for me#things just got built up between us so much that no having to completely cool down is like taking a punch to the chest#which is so dumb isn’t it#because he’s always going to be my friend no matter what#friends first#but we were kind of more too and it was all I had and now I don’t even have that anymore#and in reality this isn’t about me but I just have to be selfish don’t I#how do I talk through any of this with him without being a horrible person?#personal
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genderlessdude92 · 6 months
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GENTLE, PLEASE
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PAIRING: Alastor x Wife!Reader SUMMARY: Y/N, like the nervous wreck she is, can’t stop spending her free time worrying over something that’s not even a big deal. Of course, one thing lead to another. (Thank you, Charlie, for letting them have the day off). WARNINGS: (SFW) Reader is female, Reader is hellborn, Reader is VERY anxious (alastor as well, but not too much), reader is sensitive obv, angel is angel, usage of y/n, established relationship cussing on both parts, Alastor owns readers soul. (NSFW) alastor’s pain kink shows a little bit, lingerie, reader is TIGHT, reader is also virgin but is registered adult!!!, mention of a safeword, p in v, slight orgasm denial, reader’s tears, soul-chain bondage, alastor knots. Mentions of pregnancy^^ idk if there’s angst in this that counts but both have a good ending so dw (LMK if i missed anything!!!!)
NOTICE: please don't copy or steal or translate any of my work or you will be haunted in your dreams and i will spawn something unpleasant at your porch the next day. But...thanks for liking my work !! >.< Property of @l4zyb0n35 and @genderlessdude92
Requests are open, support is highly appreciated!
〰ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ..。.:*・゚♫₊ ♪ *♬‧₊enjoy!~
Alastor was a man of his word.
Y/N was sitting in her room, tired from her piece of vibrating plastic that brang her ‘pleasure’.
“You look gorgeous in your bliss, darling.”
Whenever Alastor rubbed her, ate her out, it made her feel real pleasure, though.
But, did he?
What was real pleasure?
“I’m too big for you, sweetheart, maybe another time.”
Another time.
Did he want another time?
“You’re almost like Charlie’s mother, Hah! We’d make great parents.”
The look he gave you.
Y/N felt so relieved after hearing Charlie was going up to heaven for a meeting just a moment ago, but now all of these stupid…that’s mean. All these overwhelming thoughts were plaguing her head.
She threw the piece of plastic across the room.
She had to give him something.
when was the last time you talked to him? when was the last time you crossed paths with your husband during work? when was the last time you cooked for him?
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
22:10 PM
She couldn’t sleep.
Was she good enough?
Ugh.
She put on a flimsy oversized shirt she usually wears to bed, some polka-dot pajama shorts, and white, knee-high socks.
She didn’t bother to change her underwear garments from the night before.
Y/N looked around before heading out of her hotel room, in case anybody saw her, to Alastor’s room.
Y/N was so happy when Alastor ‘accidentally’ mapped her room next to his on one of the secluded floors when the hotel was being rebuilt. How happy she was, indeed.
Knock knock knock
Silence. but only for a moment before she heard and felt the soft familiar static come closer to the other side of the door.
“Come in, mon cher.” He greeted as he opened the door, stepping aside. His room looked neat and clean, unlike Y/N’s. mostly because there wasn’t much stuff…and he had a whole bayou, making the room bigger.
She nervously walked over the the edge of his bed and sat down, breathing in the smell of his familiar cologne.
“Whats keeping you up so late? you’re usually a slumbering baby at this time of night!” He chortled, sitting down next to her on the plush bed of his.
Fuck.
He was wearing silk pajama pants and a robe, but the robe was just barely tied tightly, exposing a majority of his chest. His monocle was placed elsewhere and his hair was slightly disheveled.
Crap, you woke him up didn’t you.
“…I don’t know.” You dumbass, wrong answer! she scolded at herself.
Alastor chuckled again, “Just missed me?” he asked.
That reminded Y/N of back then. When it was simple and new between them. Before they went to this hotel, decades ago when the two met. She would always go over to his manor in the middle of the night after roaming the streets and feeling lonely.
Ah, yes. Now i have to work for the princess.
“…Yeah…missed you.” Y/N forced a smile alongside that little white lie.
He sighed, “…Alright, what’s going on?” He placed a place on her tensed shoulder, rubbing it soothingly, gently.
Cornered. Y/N didn’t have a choice, “Do you…Do always mean it when…fuck- when you s-say you-um- want to have a child with me?” She said without breaking her eye contact to the floor.
You didn’t have to say it like that, fucking hell
Alastor’s movements froze. “…a…um…” His smiled turned strained, “-a spawn?”
Y/N teared up. there was no way she was getting out of this one.
She whimpered, “…sorry.” before her hands shot up to her face, Alastor grabbed her wrist-
“I would love to. Y-You know I am a man of my word…” Alastor confessed with a chuckle, “-But…only if you are comfortable with it, mon amour.” Alastor went to her eyes level to try and meet her eyes.
Y/N froze. Her tears stopped.
…Holy fuck.
Y/N looked at him, to search for any disapproving emotion in his eyes.
None.
“…I-I want to.” Y/N confessed back, “…too.”
Alastor’s smile softened, he pulled Y/N with ease into him lap, “I’m glad,” and immediately kissed her.
The kiss was soft, sensual, gentle, even. Alastor’s hands began to roam under her shirt once she opened her mouth for him.
Alastor broke away from the kiss for a moment, a string of saliva connecting to their lips, “Y/N…?” he tugged on her shirt.
Oh god, what do i say?
“…Is there something wrong?” Y/N silently panicked.
Alastor widened his eyes for a moment but then softened his demeanor, “You shirt. Can i take it off?” He kissed her lips once more.
Fucking idiot. A brain dead patient would’ve known what that meant.
“…Yes.” She smiled nervously as he broke the the kiss.
Alastor nodded before bunching the hem of her shirt in his claws, “arms up, dear.”
As Y/N put her arms up, letting him gently take off her shirt, Alastor noticed how she was…wearing lingerie.
The lingerie that she wore the night before.
see what i did there
As Y/N put her arms down, she noticed how Alastor was staring at her under garments…
That she didn’t change from last night.
Y/N squeaked and ripped the bra off her body, tossing it away and into the bayou.
Now you’re bra-less.
Y/N slowly look up at Alastor, afraid he was going to scold her for not caring about her hygiene and stuff like that.
Alastor had always scolded her for skipping certain chores to, ‘take the weight off Alastor and Nifty’s shoulders’ whether it be showers, making the bed…laundry.
Dirty landry.
Alastor sighed, “I love you, Y/N,” He laughed softly, “-my clumsy doe.” He finished the sentence with a lustful growl, his claws tickled down her spine, arching her back.
“…I…I love you, t-“ almost immediately, Y/N was pinned down into the center of the bed, Alastor lips crashing onto hers like a starved man.
Fuck yeah, it was hot.
Alastor began to knead his claws at her breasts, squishing them so.
he grinder himself to her clothed core, making her throb for his touch, some contact. It almost felt like all those other times.
…but…it didn’t feel right.
Alastor, after needing a breath of air, noticed the tiniest hint of this, and grown worried,
“Are you alright, dearest?” He checked in.
She was unsure. Yeah, she was in the mood…but she just felt nervous, and he felt so confident.
“…anything i could do?” Alastor questioned once more, still hovering over her, his antlers slightly sizing down.
Think, Y/N, you were fine before, what was he doing before…
“…can you um…be gentle?” She winced, thinking that she sounded like some kind of needy loser. Oh, lord-
“-Why…o-of course, mon cœur.” he reassured, rubbed his thumbs over her small, plush breasts because kissing her once again.
Nothing could have compared more to how satisfied Alastor felt when she moaned.
It wasn’t a pornographic moan either, it was…natural. needing, almost.
Once Alastor slipped his tongue into her awaiting mouth, he began to unwrap his robe, tossing it to the ground and leaving his chest bare for her.
She gasped, “Oh, Al…” before she could wrap her arms around his neck, she felt him tug at her loose shorts,
“May I, darling?~”
Y/N nodded like a frantic woman, lifting her bottom up so he could take off her shorts, awaiting to find her panties completely soaked.
He pushed her bottom down with ease, “Dear, you seem to be completely moist,” Alastor commenting with the low vibration of static in his voice, making Y/N blush frantically. “Tell me, what turn you on so much? Perhaps…” Alastor swiped a finger through her panties, making her yelp. He then brang it back up to his mouth and licked itc moaning softly, “…was it my switch in demeanor?”
Y/N clenched as the sight. Alastor scooted back and lowered herself to her pussy, licking her slowly through the cloth guarding her. When he got to the location of her pearl, he pushed his tongue down onto it, receiving a moan from the receiver.
But his tongue wasn’t enough at the moment.
She wanted more.
“N-no…please, Alastor…I want you.” Y/N pleaded. she was impatient, she couldn’t just sit there and go through what was the usual.
She needed more.
He growled. “Anything for you, ma lumière.” Like an inpatient man, he tapped the bottom of her butt, signaling her to raise it. She did so, and almost immediately did he swiped her panties off of her, resulting in a gasp from Y/N.
Alastor crawled over so his pelvis was just on top of her. standing straight on his knees.
Alastor unbuttoned his silk pajama pants, his hard cock springing free right out of his boxers.
Nothing could have prepared Y/N from how big it looked.
Estimating, it was probably 7.5 inches minimum, and have mercy on her-
It was seriously…thick.
She looked up at Alastor worried. Alastor noticed this and softened his expression,
“You’ll be okay. I’ll go slow for you.”
Y/N nodded, but it certainly didn’t make her feel any better. She was still clenching her womanhood as well, just slightly at the thought of how bad this might hurt.
Alastor sighed. “The safeword is…stop.” Alastor told her. Hopefully that would make her feel safer.
…she opened for him.
When Alastor looked down to examine her, he saw how each second she opened, her juices would stick to her pussy’s lips in strings.
His dick physically throbbed more.
After hooking her legs up and around her waist, he lowered his body down more so that his cock was in lined with her vagina.
Slowly, he rubbed his length up down down through her folds, collecting as much natural lube as he could for her pleasure.
-But the sounds definitely weren’t helping, making Y/N face glow a darker tint of red than before. So, she just zoned out to the rumble of Al’s static.
What snapped her out of her zoning, although, was the burning of her hole, hissing in discomfort.
“Shhh…” Alastor hushed, “Just let me put the tip in, then i’ll stop.” Alastor, still, waited for confirmation.
Fucking pussy, Y/N thought, can’t even take the tip?!-
“o-okay.” She grasped onto his shoulder for an anchor in the pain. I can get through this.
Alastor still gave her a moment before shoving the full tip in, making her wince in pain, squeezing his shoulder.
Alastor hushed her again, “relax for me, darling…” he lowered his mouth to her left nipple, softly suckling on the nub, and effort to ease the pain. As Y/N released more moans, bringing one of her hands up to rub the lonely breast.
After a moment to let her settle around him, he pulled away from her nipple with a pop, bringing her hand back up to his shoulder.
“Just relax for me…” Alastor suggested before closely pushing some more length into her. “You,” he groaned, “You’re doing so good for me…”
How is she so tight?
Tears began to form in Y/N’s waterline. Alastor looked up at the sight and pondered what he could do. After a few moments, he stopped until he was just halfway into her, he leaned down once more to place his lips on her tears, her forehead, and then her lips, whispering affirmations in the middle of each kiss.
…was this too slow?
Y/N couldn’t believe her thoughts.
She pulled away from his lips to speak, “A-Al…put it in…i’m ready…” she requested with desperation in her tone, “i need all of you…”
Alastor looked up at him to spot a lie in the process, “Are you sure, my love-“
“Alastor, fuck me.”
That made Alastor moan, which then turned into a growl as Alastor subconsciously grew into a slightly bigger form of himself, snapping his hips with force into her.
Y/N cried out, but silenced Alastor before he could say anything, “S-Start moving, Al, please…” She took one of her hands off a shoulder to rub her nub, moaning softly as the newly added pleasure mixed with him slowly bottom out before snapping back into her.
He repeated this motion for a moment before slowly picking up her pace, making her moans short between thrusts.
“A-Alastor, ngh…” She called for him, grasping onto his shoulder once again. She tried to pull him down for a kiss.
“Use your words, m…mon cher.” he breathed and he kept his euphoric pace.
“K-Kiss me…” Y/N pleaded through her moans.
Alastor quickly leaned down to peck her lips before breaking the quick kiss,
“I’m gonna fill you…” He quickened his pace, his form becoming more menacing as his antlers grew, “with my seed.” He finished his sentence by smashing his lips onto hers.
As Y/N’s legs began to slip, he quickly used his tendrils to press them to her chest,
Positioning her into a breeding press.
“Ah…A-Alastor…I’m gonna-ah!” Alastor changed his pace to a brutal, electrifying one.
Y/N didn’t even care if he were to be gentle, she just wanted that sweet relief of relea-
“You don’t cum until i say so, darling.” a green shackle on Y/N’s left ankle appeared as a warning. “Understood? Those are our rules of the bedroom.”
He wasn’t wrong there. Those were the rules. He never wanted to feel under-powered in the bedroom at all, so that included orgasm denial.
And Y/N was completely fine with it.
But how quick and hard he’s hitting that far spot in her walls?
Just made her feel like there was no control.
“Alastor, please…” Y/N let tears she didn’t know we’re building up fell.
Alastor hushed her comfortingly, “Sweetheart-fuck-sweetheart, y-you’re almost there…” Alastor could feel himself knot inside of her,
…He wasn’t even sure that he was knotting until Y/N’s moans turned into groans.
He swiped some tears off her cheeks, “Mon cœr, you’re r-ready to cum?” he shot one of his tendrils down to her pussy, rubbing it at a rapid pace. Alastor leaned down to whisper into her ear, the static in his voice now on mute, “cum for me, then.”
That’s when the coil snapped.
The same time when Alastor spilt him seed deep into her womb.
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
23:04 PM
Y/N was exhausted.
“Darling, i need you to sit up for a moment.” Alastor demanded.
Y/N groaned like a toddler.
“…fine.” Alastor put down the glass of water onto the nightstand, taking one knee and placing it sorely onto the bed to get closer to her, his shadow helping to lift her butt up as he wiped extra semen off of her.
after a moment of him disappearing into the bathroom, he came back looking neat and ready for bed.
…with a genuine smile on his face as his eyes met your tired ones.
Alastor went to the other side on the bed, sighing as he felt the soft surface under him.
He scooted closer to Y/N to get her under the blankets, dramatic, he thought as Y/N made a whine of protest again from the movement.
Once everything felt to his liking, he laid down next to her. and pulled her close, nuzzling his cheek into her hair.
“…Hey…Al?”
“mhm?”
“…I love you…”
He softened his smile, chuckling light-heartedly,
“…I love you two, as well.”
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
BONUS ☆♪
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
“Hey, sweet cheeks,” Angel called from the other side of the lobby, walking over to Y/N, “Still up for that event thingy at the new bar? Heard that the sharks are blackl-“
Angel stared at the sight before him.
Y/N, laying on the couch with her legs slightly spread and a heating pad on the thighs.
“…Don’t-“
“Is it just me, or do i see you…a supposed to be virgin friend of mine…sore from a…” He examines the current position for a moment, walking around the couch to stand in front of her, “…breeding press position.”
Y/N stares at him like he’s her next target on a murder spree.
And which, he probably was.
“What? I’m and expert with this kind of stuff,” He pulls out his phone and sits next to you, “forget that I work for Valentino? Damn, how good was that sex?”
“Angel, if you want to keep the ability of having sex, be quiet.”
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END NOTES: I felt rlly devious making this fic 😍 But all jokes aside, i rlly need some writing tips since this is literally my first fic ever 😭
-Lynn
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klausysworld · 2 months
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I know it's a bit random, but I just had an idea for a Klaus story, which is that Reader goes on a long trip with Klaus and his siblings but they only have one car and Reader has to sit in Klaus lap due to space constraints. Reader and Klaus are kinda friends because she is Elena's little sister, but he often confidently flirts with her, but when she sits on his lap he unintentionally gets hard and that makes him super embarrassed. She notices and he apologizes quietly, trying to make sure his siblings don't notice + smut in the end
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According To Plan
The mikaelson's originally ruined my life. They crash landed into an already chaotic town and destroyed it. First Elijah, then Klaus, then Rebekah, then Mikael, then Kol, Finn and finally Esther.
They put my sister, Elena, at risk all of the time and rarely cared about anyone but themselves. They didn't even care about each other...well I thought they didn't.
Klaus and Elijah scared me for a while and put me on edge because I knew I wasn't significant enough to keep alive but when Rebekah ended up out of her coffin and in town, she seemed to take a liking to me and that got be sucked into all of their family drama.
It started because I was the only girl in school that didn't just pretend she wasn't there. Despite her having a clear hatred toward Elena, she hadn't actually done anything harmful at that point so I didn't see why we were being cruel to her first.
I didn't expect to become her best and only friend in town after that day.
Rebekah hadn't ever laid a threatening hand on me, never spoke low of me or used me for information. She genuinely wanted a friend and I could feel that. I wasn't gonna turn her away because she was Klaus's sister, not until she did something that made her awful.
So I stuck about, helped her pick a homecoming dress which she didn't even get to go to which I was not happy about and neither was Klaus which he made abundantly clear when he accused me of hurting her.
I found her a while later in Damon's dumbass basement, knew I couldn't just wake her up without consequences so made a deal with Klaus. Bex's safety for Jeremy''s safety so I could justify it to Elena and her gang. He went with it and everything worked.
Until this stupid fuck decided to stick her back in a coffin and wait it out.
Shit went down when all the Mikaelsons were up and about. Bekah had me at the mansion the night after her siblings and mother were woken. Klaus and Kol were constantly bickering whilst Elijah looked paler than...well paler than usual and very anxious but Rebekah just shrugged it off. She was just happy to have her mother.
And also to throw a ball.
I was forced to get tailored and have a colour theory assessment to figure what colour, style and fabric my dress needed to be. Elena had always been my mother's focus, she was her miracle, her eldest. So Elena got to have her hair styled, nails done, dresses designed and I would sit at home with my hand-me-downs and Jeremy's toys that I'd steal. It was kinda nice to be dressed up and pretty. I had stared in the mirror for so long, picking every detail apart trying to decide if I loved it because it was me or loved it because it wasn't really me at all. That's when Klaus appeared in the doorway.
"Everyone's arriving, love. Rebekah's downstairs greeting people and waiting ever so eagerly for her dreary date but she wanted me to make sure you came down." He explained the situation and I nodded, taking a breath and heading out the room, brushing past him as I did. The door was pushed shut and he fell in step beside me. "You look gorgeous by the way." He muttered and I rolled my eyes.
"You practicing your lines for when Caroline gets here?" I asked and he let out a breath.
"No, I meant it." He argued and smirked to himself as he took my arm, pulling it to wrap around his own and 'helping' me down the staircase.
"Sure you did. But I wouldn't say 'gorgeous' to Caroline. She already knows she is, pick something a little less common." I muttered and his brows furrowed.
"Like what?" he questioned and I shrugged.
"I don't know...maybe like....ravishing" I whispered, dramatically and sarcastically as we got to the bottom and I let go of his arm, spotting Rebekah looking moody. "Good luck" I gave a thumbs up and he hummed.
"You too."
I won't lie, I did laugh when I overheard him actually call her ravishing. Rebekah didn't get it and just complained about how great Caroline looked, to which I just scoffed and told Bex to go look in the mirror and get a reality check.
The whole dance thing came around and I ended up starting with Kol which was way too funny, he would not stop. Klaus did not look amused when we swapped partners and I was spun into his arms next.
"Believe me, love, Kol is not that funny. You're over selling it and inflating his ego." He complained, a level of bitterness in his tone which I was not expecting.
"I'm sorry, have I offended you by laughing?" I asked, scoffing softly as he pulled my waist closer.
"You haven't offended me." He muttered and that was that.
Tense night guys, tense night. Not as tense as Bekah's though when she wound up in Damon's bed. Thankfully, I woke up in my own.
After that night, there was no way I was getting away from that family.
In a few months Rebekah was a better sister to me than Elena and a better friend than the ones I'd had since kindergarten.
So when everything went down with the cure, I wanted her to have it so that she could live the human life that she had always wanted.
I cried for Kol's life when I came home to his remains on my kitchen floor and Klaus trapped in my living room. Caroline and Tyler didn't say a word as I scraped his ashes into a box and in return I didn't give any argument when Klaus bit Caroline. Instead, I just sat on the sofa opposite Klaus, staring into space as I waited for my phone to light up with some good news from Rebekah, hoping she had the cure for herself after Klaus had revealed that there was only one dose.
Faintly I heard Caroline mumbling about Klaus being in love with her, that made me laugh and dying or not, she didn't like that.
"Oh come on...I mean, he's like a thousand years old Care. He wants to fuck you, he likes the chase because when he finally gets you it feels like a win. You think a dance and a date is the same as love? What's Tyler then? Your soulmate? Is Matt too?" I was taunting a reaction really. I was still mad about Kol, we had become pretty good friends and the others new that and didn't care in the slightest. So yeah, I wanted her to hurt. I wanted all of them to hurt but Caroline always made it clear that she was better than me so having the power in that moment felt especially good.
When Klaus finally gave her a drop of blood, she was storming out of my house and dragging Tyler. Klaus only gave me a look and head nod of some sort of understanding before he gestured to the seat beside him and I moved over. I stayed against him until the barrier dropped and he was able to sort his shit out.
Rebekah didn't get the cure, Silas went crazy on everyone and life fell to fuck again.
Just when things got a little better, Rebekah came bursting through the door.
"You will not believe what my twat of a brother has gone and done!" She yelled, eyes wide and borderline shocked.
"Klaus?"
"Obviously! You won't even believe- hybrids can reproduce!" She revealed and I choked on nothing.
"Woah- wait. What has he done now?" I asked and she nodded enthusiastically.
"He got some wolf girl pregnant! They're in New Orleans right now. Keeping the baby! Elijah's there too, convinced they'll be some happy family." She muttered and I stared, completely gobsmacked.
Took a week but eventually she agreed to go too and I was beyond curious as to how this was gonna play out so took my place and kept by them.
People were dying left right and centre, wolves and witches and vampires. It was a war zone 24/7 until the day Hope was born and pronounced dead only she wasn't dead. Never had I ever been so tired. It was like a never ending game of tennis, whacking problems back and forth non stop.
And yet, somehow, no matter who had just been slaughtered, Klaus would have a comment to throw at me. Whether it be as simple as "Who are we all dressed up today for?" on a random Tuesday or as vulgar as "Christ love, do you want the whole city tearing that dress off?" when Bex and I were heading out for a fun mnight.
Touching also became increasingly common. Hands on my shoulders when he's stood behind me or my hips to keep my still. Waist if I needed to be stuck at his side, like if there was a threat, and arm with his whenever there was a dance even when I wasn't his date.
Rebekah had made many comments, Hayley too but I was a firm denier. A very firm denier for years. Years.
Hope grew up to be a far to aware child. In fact she asked at least a dozen times if I was her second mommy because her daddy and I were in love. When I told her we weren't in love, she would raise both brows and say a very sarcastic "Okaaay, whatever you say." And leave me speechless every damn time.
Even Kol was laughing. Wasn't having it.
But that stupid trip was definitely a set up. Not just by Kol or Bekah or Hayley, every single last Mikaelson and their fuckers.
Hope wanted to see the grand canyon. Somehow it became an entire family holiday/trip/plan situation to go to Arizona for a week, maybe visit California and blah blah blah.
We had two five seater cars. And somehow eleven people were going.
The car situation needed to be considerate of how many hours we would be in the cars and how likely arguments were.
"I'm not being in a car with Kol for over twenty hours." Klaus protested immediately and Davina nodded.
"Please don't put me in a car with Klaus." She muttered whilst Kol just grinned.
"I wanna go with Auntie Bekah and Auntie Freya!" Hope chimmed in and both sisters laughed in agreement.
"I can drive one of the cars?" Keelin offered and they nodded.
"Woah, wait." Hayley shook her head. "If Rebekah's there, where's Marcel? He can't be with Klaus or Elijah if we want to make it there without screaming."
I just stared, there wasn't enough space and I technically wasn't family and I wasn't dating or married to anyone there so I was ready to just stay home.
"We can drive with you, Elijah and Klaus?" Keelin replied to Hayley, reffering to both her and Freya who nodded.
"Yeah, then Kol, Davina, Bex, Marcel and Hope can go together and Hope still gets Bex. We can swap around halfway? We'll need to stop and sleep at a hotel or something anyway." Freya summarised and everyone nodded before Rebekah's eyes fell on me, I just shook my head at her to tell her it was fine but once we started our silent conversation others began to take notice.
"Y/N, you'll be in the car with us" Hayley said as though it was obvious.
"Sure but there's no room. You, Elijah, Keelin, Freya and Klaus-"
"Why's my name last?" Klaus interjected and I rolled my eyes.
"-There's ten seats and eleven of us. It's fine, I can stay here and you know...water the plants and stuff." I muttered, glancing around at the neglected, very dead plants.
"Of course not, you have to come." Elijah argued and I was slightly surprised it was him to say anything first though we had gotten closer over the years.
They all started mumbling between themselves before Kol just piped up.
"Oh come on! Just sit in my lap darling, you know I wouldn't drop you" He winked and Davina smacked her lips before delivering a swift smack to the side of his head and relishing in his yelp.
That's when everyone's eyes darted to Klaus.
"Just...sit on Nik's lap." Rebekah shrugged and I was ready to slap this bitch.
"Really, I'll just stay here and see the pictures." I backed out and Klaus frowned.
"What's wrong with my lap, love? You didn't protest to Kol's. I'm a much better option and much safer than a seatbelt." He defended and I sighed.
"Klaus-"
"No, it's decided. You'll be with me."
And that was that. Nothing I said was even heard after that, by anyone I swear.
Which was how I ended up telling Klaus that I was not sitting on his hands.
"Oh don't act like you wouldn't love to feel my hands holding that tight-"
"Klaus. Finish that sentence and I'm gonna smack you before sitting on Elijah's lap." I warned and he shut his mouth with a cocky smirk on his face.
Keelin was driving, Freya in the passenger, Elijah at behind Freya, Hayley in the middle cuddled up to the suited original and Klaus sat behind Keelin with my begrudgingly on his lap. His arms were wrapped round my body acting the same as a seat belt and also forcing my back to be against his chest after I tried to just perch on his knee and he called me ridiculous.
I lasted fifteen minutes of him whispering teasing comments into my ear about other ways we could end up with me on his lap before I had my headphones on to block him out.
We planned to do a stop at the services after five hours, less if Hope needed to use the bathroom or got hungry for something other than the snacks.
I got comfy after the first hour, letting myself relax against him and enjoy the drive. Three hours in he got fidgety and I paused the song to try ask what he was doing but then I felt it.
I don't think he knew my music had stopped when he cussed quietly and tried to move his hips back a bit. I wasn't sure whether shifting would make it better or worse as his cock only seemed to be getting more prominent against my ass.
I glanced to the side, seeing Hayley and Elijah both with headphones in and watching a film on an ipad before glancing up front to Freya and Keelin who were singing along to the radio up front.
Slowly I reached and pulled my headphones down around my neck and cleared my throat softly. He tensed against me and sucked in a breath.
"You okay?" I whispered, making sure to keep quiet and he placed his hand against the side of the car, pushing himself up to sit straighter but it just felt lift he pressed against me more.
"Fuck- sorry" He muttered, his voice breaking a little and he sounded weirdly panicked.
I expected him to make a flirty comment like normal, maybe even get touchy but he was actually...embarrassed?
"It's...okay" I murmured and pulled myself forward so I wasn't touching his crotch. "It's not long till we stop now anyway" I told him as I glanced at the sat nav.
We stayed like that for a while before some cry pulled in front of us unexpectedly and Keelin had to slam the breaks. I felt my body go forward before Klaus's arms pulled my straight back against him before my face could hit the back of the seat in front. My hands grabbed onto his arms as my heart rate spiked with adrenaline and my breathing sped up.
"It's alright love." he whispered against my ear whilst Keelin called an apology back to us. We stayed pressed right against each other regardless of his hard-on.
By the time we got to the services Klaus had nearly thrust his hips at least six times.
He went straight for the bathroom when we got there while I headed for the McDonald’s queue with Hope and Kol.
By the time we were getting back in the car, Klaus looked rough,.
Face pink, eyes refusing to look anywhere other than straight and had most definitely not resolved his problem. That was clear when he sat back down in the car and grimaced to himself.
I sat back in his lap and bit down on my lip. The others hadn't gotten I yet, they were swapping Freya and Keelin for Rebekah and Marcel with high hopes for no tension before we got to a hotel.
"Is there anything I can do to-"
"Please don't offer anything right now." He whispered, his jaw clenching making me hold a laugh. I sighed and turned round in his lap to face him.
"It's not a big deal" I told him and he frowned.
"It's embarrassing and we still have hours." He muttered. Honestly this was the perfect opportunity to tease him like he does me usually but he was actually stressed.
"Klaus, I don't mind. It's flattering, really." I told him gently. "Besides you can't help it, I'm just great." I shrugged and he smiled.
"Mhm, you're irresistible love." he chuckled and I hummed.
"Exactly, anyone would get turned on with my tight ass on their lap." I tease, using his words from earlier to make him laugh but it also made his cock twitch beneath me. My eyes glanced down and it made him shift. "Did you try to uh...get rid of it?" I asked, referring to when he ran to the bathroom.
"I tried to." He mumbled and turned me around so my back was to him as the other doors opened and Rebekah slid in beside us, grinning brightly and leaning over to hug me.
We chatted for the majority of the second half, Bex complained that Kol wouldn't stop singing in the other car and so on. Klaus's hands would clench every now and then if I moved too much or the car jolted but that didn't happen very often with how sensibly Elijah drove.
We got to the chosen hotel a full thirty minutes later than the others because Elijah wouldn't drive a single mile faster than the speed limit.
When we arrived we were only handed three room keys. Kol had gotten himself and Davina a room, Keelin and Freya room, Bekah and Marcel, and then another double bed room and a family room. Hope wanted to be with her mom so she came out of Freyas to go with Hayley and Elijah to the family room and Klaus and I had to share.
It would have been a whole lot less awkward if he hadn't had his erection for the entire day pressed against me but we powered through. Rebekah could be heard giggling to Marcel when they closed their door, waving at me with cocky smiles.
Klaus went straight in the shower so I put the TV on to drown out whatever he was doing (we all know what he was doing). He came out over half an hour later, face still pink as he glanced at me. I couldn't help but look and much to my surprise his cock was still pressing against his sleep pants.
"Klaus-"
"I don't want to talk about it." He mumbled as he got in bed beside me and rolled to face the opposite direction. I sighed quietly and went to the bathroom to get into my travel pyjamas before laying down next to him. The bed was definitely only a queen, we were pretty much touching the whole time no matter how close to the edge I was. I stared up at the ceiling for ages. It was so dark that I could barely see anything but I could tell that he was awake too, especially when he moved round to face me. I turned my head to look at him, my eyes squinting to make out his face with the tiny bit of moonlight that slipped past the curtains.
The silence was loud when his forehead pressed to mine and his eyes closed.
Thoughts come much easier when it's late. All ideas seem like good ones.
So I didn't really consider what I was doing when my hand slipped down to his crotch. He grunted softly when I cupped his bulge through the cotton. I looked down, watching my hand slip under his his waistband.
"Love..." He whispered before a groan left his lips when my fingers wrapped around his cock. My teeth bit down on my own tongue as I took his thickness into consideration. It was so quiet beside his heavy breathing as I stroked him firmly, his arm went around me and pulled me right up against him and his face nuzzled the crook of my neck.
It definitely wasn't a position I thought I'd end up in when this trip was planned but I couldn't say I wasn't enjoying it a bit. I let go of his length and he made a sound that closely resembled a whimper. I licked my hand a few times, coating my skin in saliva before sliding it along his shaft.
"Oh bloody hell" He muttered as his hips jumped up into my hand. I felt my eyes widen slightly at the full feel of him from tip to base. I squeezed him in my hand, feeling a sense of pride at how hard I had gotten him from doing literally nothing.
I felt his hand on the back of my head, pulling me down until our lips pressed together. His skin was warm against min and the sheets ensured that as our mouths moved in sync. His body moved like a wave to thrust his cock back and forth in my grip but I could feel him getting frustrated as he nipped my bottom lip, drawing blood.
I pulled away with a strained moan and squeezed his dick again. "Klaus, you gotta slow down" I whispered but he shook his head.
"I'm close-" he panted, "I just..." his hips kept bucking but I could tell he was struggling.
I opened my hand, letting go of him making him let out an angry cry. I knew he wanted to question me but his words halted in his throat when I moved my lips to his jaw, slowly but surely kissing lower down his body.
He went tense when I reached his cock before both his hands scooped my hair into a makeshift ponytail and I took his head into my mouth. We both took deep breathes for different reasons as he pushed my head down, I could feel my saliva dripping down his length as his head stroked the back of my mouth and teased my throat. I pulled up and his arms relaxed, letting me bob my head along his cock but taking him deeper when he pushed down. My eyes kept closing as I forced myself not to gag. I could taste him getting closer, his tip leaked against my tongue as I rolled it over the top half. His hands tightened their hold on my hair and his thighs tensed either side of me.
He held me down when he came making me gag as warm fluid hit the back of my throat. His hands dug into my scalp and I could hear him groaning as I swallowed it down.
My head shot up with a gasp for air and a soft laugh as he laid back against the pillows taking slow breaths. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and sat up.
I laid back down beside him and silence fell back over us but it wasn't as bad this time.
We must've fallen asleep sometime after because when I opened my eyes it was light in the room and my head was using Klaus's chest as a pillow.
For a second I thought that what had happened was a dream but when I pulled myself up the memories flooded in quickly and I looked down at Klaus who looked all the more ready to fuck me quite simply. Pupils blown, lips parted as he eyed me up and down like a piece of meat.
"Oh fuck." I cursed, running my hand through my hair and getting out of bed. I ignored his presence entirely and went to wash my face and get changed before leaving the room with my travel bag and knocking repeatedly on Rebekah's door.
She finally answered looking disheveled and very clearly just stopped having sex with Marcel but I didn't care.
"Breakfast now." I demanded, grabbing her arm and dragging her.
I wouldn't tell her what happened but she knew something had happened especially when everyone else arrived and Klaus just stared at me. Bekah glanced back and forth three times before raising both brows and sipping her coffee.
He seemed annoyed when I continued to ignore him for the next section of the car ride. So when we got to the services and I headed for the starbucks line, he was ride behind me. His hands were on my hips and I could feel his chest just brushing my shoulder-blades as we stood not so patiently.
"You're acting as though I've murdered your family pet, love." He murmured against the back of my ear making me sigh; I miss when he was embarrassed and quiet. I didn't reply to him and he huffed. "You weren't this rude last night-"
I elbowed him straight in the stomach making him wince before chuckling as his hands slipped round my waist. I wish I could say it made me feel uncomfortable but it just felt right in the most infuriating way. I continued to ignore him as I got to the till and made the order for myself, Bex and Hayley. Klaus got his card in before I could even reach into my pocket and I just went over to the waiting line. He was back on me in a second and pretty much breathing down my neck.
"Why are you being so cold, love? I thought we had a moment...or a few moments." He trailed and I clenched my jaw. He was teasing and it wasn't funny to me. I shouldn't have even thought about touching him like I had. He was my best friends brother for christs sake and I had to see him everyday, he was the worst person to get complicated with.
"You thought wrong." I mumbled and his hand squeezed my hip.
"Don't tell me you help out all of your friends like last ni-"
"Klaus would you just shut up? Last night was really, really stupid." I muttered.
"It wasn't stupid when you had your mouth on my cock, love." He hissed into my ear and I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Hated how the tables had turned.
I didn't bother saying anything else to him as I grabbed the drinks and shoved past him.
Back in the car we were both silent, so was everyone else. The tension was built.
When we finally got to the luxury hotel we were staying in I was quick to go to my own room, refusing help with my case and just going to set up for the next few days.
I'd just had a shower and done my hair when my door knocked. I had a robe wrapped round my otherwise bare body when I unlocked the door and opened it only to push it shut again but Klaus's hand caught it and he forced his way inside. "We have a lot to discuss."
"We really don't Klaus." I sighed as I sat down at the vanity.
"First of all-" He stared and I groaned, "last night was a long time coming. Perhaps not the blow job-"
"Klaus!" I scolded, throwing my arms up knowing that everyone's rooms were just behind a couple thin walls.
"-but the whole snapping of...lets say tension. Lets just be honest love, it's not exactly a surprise that we're attracted to each other." He chuckled and I narrowed my eyes.
"Well hold on. You're attracted to me, you're the one who couldn't get rid of his boner for an entire day. If I hadn't gotten rid of it then I would have had to've dealt with it all day today too." I defended but we both knew it was bullshit.
"Oh? So you didn't kiss me? Didn't look me in the eye whilst you wrapped your lips-"
"Why have you always got to make everything a big deal?"
"It is a big deal. I didn't ask you to do that, I didn't even tease the idea. You wanted it, you did it." He was getting angrier and it was worse because I knew I was wrong but I'd gone too far to succumb to that now.
"You could've just gone to sleep but you turned over and gave me that stupid look!" I argued and he scoffed.
"What look?"
"You know exactly what look. Your eyes do that thing."
His eyes narrowed momentarily and he stepped closer. "Oh? Am I doing it now?" He asked and I rolled my eyes.
"No." I muttered but as I glanced back up at him I could feel his gaze intensifying and the blue of them storming over.
"No?" He tilted his head and reached his hand out to cup my face. I clenched my jaw and stared at him uneasily. His fingers stroked along my jaw gently but his grip was rough as he crouched down in front of me to be eye-level.
"Stop it." I whispered but I didn't really mean it and he knew that so when he got closer and pressed his mouth along the length of my neck my protests were almost nonexistent.
"You've been cruel to me all day." He muttered as his hands pushed the fabric of my robe down. "Cold...rude..." He mumbled as he kissed the skin of my cleavage whilst his hands untied the material round my waist so it fell open.
"Klaus" I uttered, slight resistance in my tone as I become exposed to his eyes. I pressed my thighs together so he couldn't see between them as his eyes dragged down my body. His kisses kept going to my breasts alongside his hands.
"Is this stupid too, love?" He chuckled as he glided his tongue over my left nipple making my nerves light up.
"You have to stop" I whispered and he nipped the flesh in his mouth causing my body to jolt and a gasp leaving my throat.
"Why?" He chuckled
"You're Bekah's brother." I muttered and he fully laughed.
"Don't behave as if I was every just Rebekah's brother." He grinned and pinched both my nipples between his fingers making this a whole lot harder. "That second I saw you, I knew I'd have you. From that ball where you looked gorgeous whether you believed it or not...to seeing you hold my child, feeling you wash the blood from my hands, feeding me your blood when I needed it. You've always been mine." As if to make his point he pressed a kiss to my lips and slid both hands to my knees before pushing my legs apart.
I wave of embarrassment hit me but I wasn't strong enough to close them with his hands there. "I don't feel...gorgeous" I whispered, wanting to hide my body from his view.
"Well you should." He uttered back, a firmness to his voice which held no nonsense before his mouth pressed a series of kisses down my stomach before I felt the heat of his lips on my core.
My eyes drooped slightly at the sensation and my fingers slid into his hair, curling around the soft curls as my gaze met his and his tongue slid out from his soft lips to stroke my clit. He licked at me so slowly, heating my body up more and more with each delicate touch. His hands slide under my thighs and guided my legs over his shoulders so I was barely sat on the chair as his face disappeared between my legs and his mouth clung onto my pussy. My grip on his hair tightened and a series of cries left me.
His actions gained speed and pressure whilst he went. I could feel my lower stomach twisting in pleasure, wanting nothing more than to feel the high I knew he could give me.
As my eyes closed, I knew now why Klaus was as cocky as he was. Any man with this much power over a woman would be as cocky as he. I'd never felt so utterly vulnerable and yet completely uncaring for the consequences at once. The knowledge of the fact that his siblings and our friends might hear fell right out of my head as I moaned his name as loud and as often as I could as my body and mind expressed it's raw emotion to his touch.
My body went back and I pressed my hand to the chair to keep myself up as he buried into my thighs and plunged his talented tongue in and out of me without slowing. Heat spilled from inside of me, rushing into his mouth and fuelling him to suck and slurp. The sound brought an unbelievable surge of want through me; my hips ground up against his face and I felt a deep chuckle leave him and vibrate through me in response before he pulled off of me. He licked his lips and swiped his sleeve over his chin before grabbing my thighs again and lifting me up before swinging me round and tossing me down.
I felt the air leave my lungs as my back hit the bed.
He was on me before I could take a breath and the robe was dragged completely from my body. His hands grabbed my wrists and my arms were pinned above my head. I could feel my chest moving up at down, the only sound I could hear was my breathing. His lips were moving but no sound was coming out until a loud banging sound broke my daze.
Within seconds I had a sheet wrapped right round me and Klaus had me gathered behind him.
"Oh for fucks sake- We're going out for dinner! You could have waited-" Rebekah's voice shrieked and I felt hot for different reasons.
"Would you get out- we're coming!" Klaus yelled and Rebekah gagged making him scoff.
I felt him turn to me but I was just staring at the closed door. His hand rubbed down the back of my body slowly before he leant down to kiss my lips firmly but shortly.
"We'll finish this after dinner, I promise you love." He muttered into my ear before wrapping his arms around me and pulling me off the bed and grabbing my suitcase. "Let's get you dressed and get out of here before I somehow lose my clothes too" He teased.
By the time we got out there everyone was stood waiting bar Hayley, Elijah and Hope. I went to ask but Rebekah just grabbed my hand and dragged me. Immediately I went to apologise but she started before I could. "Oh my god! I mean, I thought the car ride would build some tension but I wasn't expecting it to snap so easily- did you two have sex in the hotel yesterday!? Wait no don't tell me ew!" She exasperated.
"No! We didn't...have..sex." I muttered and I could feel her staring.
"I wanna ask but I really also don't..." She whispered and I nodded.
"Good shout." I mumbled and we kept walking ahead of the others. "Hope-?" I questioned.
"Hayley took her to the restaurant early to check she liked the menu, thank god."
"Oh shut up. This is your fault. You planned this." I muttered.
"Well...me and everyone else."
I love that you can just read my moodswings through this as I just didn’t know whether to make it completely fluffy, angsty or smutty. I really loved the request but I’m not really sure I did it justice
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msmk11 · 2 months
Note
Hiii!! I love your work so much and was wondering if you could do a poly marauders (and lily) x hufflepuff coded fem reader comfort fic 💛 maybe they are just having a bad day, being insecure and everyone tries there best to comfort her? thankyou (even if you decide not to)
Omg hi lovely! Thank you so much for the request. This is actually my first ever and I’m so excited and happy to write it for you! I hope it lives up to your standards - MK <3
Just Hold Me For Awhile
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Poly!Marauders + Lily x fem!reader
Word count: 1.3k
Cw: low self-esteem, hurt/comfort, sad/anxious reader
A/n: Baby’s first request! Ngl I rewrote this like three times, but now it finally feels genuine and I’m very happy with it. I hope you all enjoy :)
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There is no evidence to confirm your fears besides the incessant voice inside your head.
You’re not good enough.
You’re not smart enough.
You’re not funny enough.
You’re not pretty enough.
Eventually, they’re all going to leave you.
You are going to end up alone.
Deep down, you know none of these things are true. But reason is no match for your anxiety and the extraordinariness of each of your partners.
James- best Gryffindor chaser the team has had
in years.
Lily- number one in your class.
Remus- Casanova of Gryffindor tower.
Sirius- absolutely fearless in the face of adversity.
You- the ordinary Hufflepuff who just got lucky.
It consistently amazes you that you ended up in a relationship with these four bold, well-known, and well-liked Gryffindors. They all love you so much and you feel grateful that you get to love and be loved by them everyday.
But no matter how much love and care they give you, it cannot entirely soothe the deep-rooted feeling of inadequacy lurking within. You can’t help but sometimes feel out of place in your own relationship- not because your partners exclude you, but rather because your obvious ordinariness situates you outside their circular of extraordinariness.
It’s a feeling that’s lingered since the four first showed interest in you, but recently it’s been possessing you tenfold.
All these thoughts are racing around in your head as you sit at the foot of Sirius’ bed in the boys’ dormitory. Peter is off on a date, leaving you five with some much needed alone time. The moment is serene, with Sirius painting your nails a soft green, Lily braiding Sirius’ hair out of his face, Remus dangling over the edge talking to you three, and James on top of him, massaging his back.
The four are talking about some recent Hogwarts drama, so you’ve sort of zoned out of the conversation, only adding in commentary here or there.
“I mean, I’m so glad Pandora hexed him,” Lily says, “he totally deserved it.”
“I just never would’ve pinned her as the type of person to hex someone, with the way she’s so soft spoken and all,” Sirius replies.
“She does hang out with your brother and Junior though,” Remus reminds him.
“And Evan is her brother,” James adds with a laugh, “it’s in her blood. I just wish I could’ve seen Mulciber’s face.”
“It probably looked as dumb and stupid as always, if not more so,” Sirius jokes.
Everyone busts out laughing and you faintly chuckle through your anxiety-induced brain fog.
Someone taps the side of your cheek.
“Doll, you there?”
You jolt out of your trance and look at Sirius, “hmm? Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you wanted anything else done to your nails.”
You briefly glance down at your perfectly manicured nails, “oh, uh, yeah. Perfect as always, my star.”
Remus reaches down and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, “are you okay, dove? I feel like you’ve been awfully quiet today.”
You smile a little and wave him off, “oh yeah, fine. Just tired, Moons.”
“Wanna come take a nap, angel?” James asks sweetly, opening his arms.
Though you’re not actually that tired, it’s mainly just an excuse, you can’t pass up the offer from your cuddliest of boyfriends. You peck Sirius’ cheek as a thank you for doing your nails and then crawl onto James’ lap. You situate your head on his chest and curl up as he wraps his arms around you. His musky cologne eases the knots in your stomach a little and you try to focus on the steady beat of his heart.
“Better?” he mumbles into your hair.
You quietly hum in confirmation.
You keep your eyes closed all cuddled up with James as you listen to your partners quietly chat. Within minutes of your getting settled you sense movement on the bed. Remus shifts upwards to lay next to you and James- you can tell from the sudden increase in body heat- and you feel Sirius and Lily lay down at your feet.
Suddenly, you feel a pair of rough lips- Remus’ lips- against your forehead. Though he thinks you’re asleep, you hear him whisper, “get some rest, my sweet girl.”
Someone’s head falls on your knee and then you hear Lily’s voice, “she’s so pretty when she sleeps, isn’t she? All soft and peaceful.”
You recognize Sirius’ habitual stroking of your leg with his thumb as he adds, “I didn’t think she could get any softer or sweeter, but here we are.”
“Our angel,” James coos.
Though you suppose most would feel pretty lucky to hear these things about themselves, they only make you feel worse.
You hate yourself.
You hate yourself for having four wonderful, caring, and loving partners, and you can’t even appreciate them because of your own self-loathing. You despise this nasty habit of self-sabotage, but you’re not sure how to break it.
As you lay there and listen to them say such nice things about you, you feel a lump grow in your throat and hot tears spring to your eyes. The tightness in your chest is near painful, and you need some relief.
You try to shift just the slightest- as if you’re just moving around in your sleep- to bury your head in James’ chest, out of everyone’s eyesight.
But once you let one tear drop, a whole rainstorm comes. You try and keep your sobs and sniffling quiet, but your hot, wet tears give you away to James.
“Angel?” James asks worriedly. He pulls you away from his chest to look at your face and sees the snotty, tear-stained mess you’ve become.
“Dove,” Remus pleads worriedly, “what’s wrong? What’s happened.”
Your sobs are too strong for you to respond and you can only shrug your shoulders. Your eyes are blinded by tears and you can’t see their faces, but you know they’re filled with concern and worry. To make them worry like this only causes you to cry harder.
You’re not really aware of what’s happening around you. All you know is one minute your in James’ arms, and the next in Sirius’. Sirius strokes your hair away from your face and holds you in his lap like a baby. He rocks you back and forth quietly, not saying anything at all.
It’s nice, not having to say anything and just crying. Even if you had the ability to speak through your tears, you don’t know that you could. There’s no easy way to describe your feelings of inadequacy, and no amount of ‘talking it out’ could ever just solve the problem either. So you just cry. Cry because you’re angry that you feel this way. Cry because you’re sad. Cry because you’re tired. Tired of not feeling like you’re ever enough. And you cry just because you can. Because you know that your partners will be there for you for as long as you need to cry.
And when the sobs finally quiet to a hiccup here or there, you appreciate that they give you silence to breathe and just process everything.
Lily stands and wanders off, coming back with a glass of water that she presses into your hands. You sip it gently before James takes it from you and sets it on the nightstand. Remus goes and grabs a hot washcloth, wiping your face oh so gently with a soft look in his brown eyes. Sirius hands you back to James- your most tactile partner- and settles again at your feet.
Then, with the most quiet and tender voice, Sirius asks you only one thing, “What do you need from us?”
“Just hold me for awhile.”
And so, like many days before, and hopefully every day after, you five pile into bed, reveling in each other’s warmth and security.
As you lay surrounded by your lovers, you know that even though those same lousy feelings continue to reside inside of you, you will figure it out. And when you’re ready to talk, or rant, or cry some more, your partners will be there.
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satinslut · 15 days
Text
smoking w/ jjk guysss
Please this idea has been running through my mind and is literally so fucking self-indulgent but this shit is canon in my mind. idc what you say, I’d do some stupid ass shit to smoke with these dummies. 
a lil nsfw so imma just say NO MINORS plssss
including: Choso, Gojo, Nanami, and Suguru
Choso
Choso is deffffffffffff a heavy smoker idc what you say, tell it to ya mama
Do you see how low his eyes stay???????
Has been smoking for a minute now and usually smokes daily
Keeps a dab pen on him at all times and defff has the full gram and not the half
Def would be a feen and use the lighter and/or sock method to get the last lil bit out 
Mans definitely wakes and bakes, pre-rolls a blunt at night so he can wake up happy
Definitely says some dumb shit like “Thank you for the meal” before lighting up 
The type to be like, “I’m going out to get groceries? Let’s load a bowl real quick.” 
That or he’s smoking while walking to the store
Prefers smoking, specifically bongs, rather than anything else
Tried wax one time and swears he could understand Gojo’s infinity 
Dropped his tray once while he was rolling and just wept in his seat, he didn’t cry he WEPT
You got to witness this atrocity and just pat his shoulder trying to console him
“I’m literally so sorry for your loss.”
Dude was fr tryna get the grinds out the carpet PLEASSSEE
Choso usually likes to smoke by himself, doesn’t really like having other people around when he smokes
Not on any selfish shit, but because mans just doesn’t want to be bothered and is comforted by his own company 
That and he doesn’t like his brothers seeing him smoke
Likes to smoke with you though,
“You make me feel calm. It’s fun with you.” Said by Choso himself after you asked him why there was never anyone else around
Feel like Choso is an acts of service typa love language guy
Expect to NEVER have to roll your own blunts, load your own pipes or bongs, even grind up your own shit bc this man has it COVERED
Can and will stop you if he sees you tryna do anything besides sit there and look pretty
Doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate it, loves when you roll his blunts for him,,thinks you look pretty, but he wants to do it for you 
Likes to spoil you ofc so expect to have him buying all your snacks too after the both of y’all got the munchies
Feel like he’s a Green Tea Arizona, hot cheetos, and gummy worm typa guy when it comes to the lil pit-stops
That or some sorta hard candy cause he has an oral fixation and likes to keep his mouth busy so he won’t start chewing at his lips
Loves, loves, LOVES being outside when he’s high
Used to get really anxious cause he thought people could tell he was fucked up, but got over it after you told him that you couldn’t tell because he always seemed as such
He is but that’s besides the point 
That means expect picnic dates in the park on the sunniest and warmest of days
Choso packed the lunch ofc and when he pulled out three of the most beautifully rolled and pearled joints and presented them to you with the most goofiest grin plastered on his face, you only fell deeper in love with him on the spot
Just because he holds an affinity for being outside while high doesn’t mean he dislikes being inside
Choso has the most immaculate music taste, Gege told me so
Source? Trust me bro
But no seriously this man has such a diverse taste in music and the first time he put on the playlist you swear you were in a trance on the first song
Cue him saying some shit like, “Do you wanna listen to music and smoke?”
Y’all fr just got back from smoking at the park, pls choso
Ofc listening to music and smoking turns into Choso straddling you on his lap shotgunning smoke into your mouth, one hand on your ass the other holding the burning blunt,,,,but that’s a story for another time bc lemme fr not get into this right now lmaoooooo
Not necessarily clingy when he’s high but really just wants to be in your presence ??? like don’t leave him pls
Let him rest his head between your thighs and play with his hair or else he’ll start pouting
Baby just wants your undivided attention is all :((((
Gojo 
Now Gojo on the other hand is a social smoker, can handle himself just fine…kinda ??
Like he just gets really fucking quiet when he’s high I feel, not eerie or sad or anything like that, but just…his brain is finally calm!!!
Prefers drinking over smoking anyday, but that don’t mean he’s gonna refuse the blunt when it’s coming his way !!
Especially not if Shoko rolled it, god-tier is this woman, skilled with her fingers (lmao) 
Used to roll her own cigarettes when she first started smoking and that just transferred over into the blunts
But Gojo just gets super quiet and calm when he’s fucked up, he can just relax yk???
Can’t tell if he’s sleep or not bc of his dumbass mask and glasses, so when he yells at you for tryna skip him don’t get upset lmao
Cue Nanami saying some shit like “While I appreciate you being quiet for once, how can we tell if you’re fucking sleep or not?” 
If he’s not quiet then he’s whining in your ear about how hungry he is
His sweet tooth just gets 10x worse when he’s gone and is INSUFFERABLE about it
Has gotten to the point where you’ve just started keeping sweets in your bag for him/have a whole ass cabinet dedicated to snacks for Gojo
Said prior but he’s only a social smoker,,but will ONLY smoke with people he’s comfortable with/know
Only bc the very first time he got high his Six Eyes was freaking him tf out 
“I think I just saw a life in this Infinity where I didn’t have this power” -Gojo after three hits 
He’s so ??not annoying?? When he’s high and you honestly think it’s the weirdest thing cause he’s always so !!!!!! yk??
Definitely clingy so expect to be holding his hand or having him follow you all the way to the bathroom, there’s literally no in between
Likes to stay in when he’s high, going out messes with his head a lil too much and makes him a lil anxious
Definitely schedules when he’s gonna smoke if it’s just you two so expect to have it turn into a lil stay-in date night
Can and will leave his smoking stuff at your place so he has an excuse to come over, or will feign that he’s out so he can come see you
Fr would hit you with some sorta ‘roll me a blunt. i’m otw.’ typa text message
Hates rolling, packing, grinding doing quite literally ANYTHING with his weed, and you’ve only spoiled him with how you do any and all of it 
Loves, loves, lovessss watching you roll for him
Sits next to you and gives you lil kisses of appreciation or hands you things you need
 Will fr interrupt anything you’re doing and just sets the stuff down saying sum bs like ‘but you’re the best at it’
Doesn’t fuck with edibles at ALLLLLL stays the literal fuck away from them cause his anxiety spikes so high and he gets hella paranoid
Prefers smoking cause he can at least somewhat measure out how much he’s intaking
Cause if he eats an edible he WILL eat the whole thing and then another cause ‘this shit isn’t even hitting’
Nanaminnnnn
See, in my head Nanamin gets even more brash when under the influence
Still stoic and coldish demeanor, but definitely not presenting himself as such,,more sarcastic than anything 
Like he already doesn't care what he says, but it’s always so ???formal??? whereas when he’s high it’s not so much
Hence the curse words
Mans would say some of the most offhand, outta pocket shit with the straightest face and then ask why the whole groups laughing at him BAHHAHA
Half of me wants to say he’s a social smoker like Gojo, but the other half of me is like,, mans is overworked and burnt out asf he smokes NIGHTLY 
But no seriously the first time Nanami got high with you was so funny cause him being…him and a literal fucking square had everyone thinking he wouldn’t EVER touch any drugs unless a doctor prescribed them yk??
Nahhh mans had everyone in literal awe over how he came to the sesh fully prepared 
That and surprised he showed up at all 
Had the premium rolling papers, designer fucking tray, and the biggest bag of weed that any of y’all had saw
“I forgot my automatic grinder, did anyone bring one cause I honestly don’t feel like pulling this shit apart.” 
The shit Nanami smokes is honestly some of the best shit you’d ever smoked tbh
Like it’s the highest quality you can get, mans hand picked the nuggets he wanted like it was that typa good quality shit 
It’s such an intensely complex yet satisfying high and the group be tryna mooch off of this man so much but he only ever let’s you get what you want
Smokes you out in his benz daily
Like he’ll literally come pick you up after he gets offa work to like?? Go get some food or something and he’ll be like:
“Pick a spot to eat and we’ll smoke in the parking lot before going in.” 
He’s much more touchy, not like Gojo, but will definitely be keeping a hand on your thigh, lower back
Also think he’s a really light sleeper/it’s hard for him to go to bed so he eats an edible before bed, or will wake up in the middle of the night to smoke
Doesn’t smoke in the house, he’s too bougie for that, but redid his whole balcony so he could smoke out there no matter the weather
Such a smart man
Likes sitting out there with you, especially during the summer nights a blunt passed between the both of you
Like to think he likes smoking more than edibles because of the relaxation of the pull when inhaling, but honestly he holds both to equal standards 
Makes his own infused oil and since he cooks nightly (almost) he’ll sometimes put it in the food 
Suguruuuuuuu
He’s an irregular smoker
A couple times through the week to help with his anxiety and insomnia
That or he just really loves the head high of it all, helps his brain go mute and that’s just amazing
Only takes a couple hits before he’s like ‘i’m good’
Low tolerance ass
But no seriously he just knows his limits and will NOT go past them 
A rule he made for himself after he had hella paranoia after smoking with Gojo
Then again, Gojo was saying some off the wall shit and had dude scared as fuck
On top of that, mans refuses to smoke alone, it’s a no go for him everytime 
Feels weird when he smokes alone, gets too in his head 
Likes to talk about the most randomest of things, definitely sum philosophical and controversial
Type to smoke and then either binge watch a show with half lidded eyes, or knock tf out 
Just know he’s not gonna be moving an INCH
Clingy as well, but like you’re getting suffocated typa clingy 
Expect to be literally engulfed by this man 
Like full body weight on you
Will not let you get up and if you do he’s literally following you with his back pressed against you, dead serious 
Like you were getting up to cook once after yall had smoked and from bedroom to kitchen was Suguru literally attached to your back
Keeps his arms hooked around your waist or hips and face in your neck 
Skin to skin contact is a must so expect his hands to be under your clothes and not even in a sexual way, he just fr finds it comforting 
Favorite is to circle your hips with his hands
Has the patience to grow his own stuff, esp since he barely smokes like that 
Ain’t boutta spend all of that money at the dispo tf and just likes knowing that it’s his
Has names for all of his plants idc
Think he’d like tinctures too tbh
Adds in his morning/nighttime tea sometimes
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linkedin-offficial · 10 months
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is this anything . sky:cotl au
details (aka my rambling) under the cut
mostly set upon the whole idea that caine came from eden and tries to help everyone gain their wings (albeit doing a terrible job the entire time)
bubble keeps the name bubble!
they r a mantatee :3 suprisingly chaotic for a light creature and sort of has the "eat light and puff out candles" personality that caine should have but doesn't
i contemplated caine being called "the creature" just for shits and giggles (and eventually went with it) since im absolutely certain everyone who ever meets him ever would be terrified for a little bit until they realize hes sentient; he doesn't understand that the name is supposed to be sort of derogatory
caine is the only one with wings because hes the only one who can canonically fly/float!
(and yes his head is supposed to be a dark plant . i like to think im big brain for this)
the reason why his dark plant head is tinted red btw . my thought process was basically "ah yes. red = good bcus eden :]" even though thats convoluted since everyone hates eden but that makes it better in a way. i think
zooble > mismatched worksmith
"bows" given to them by ragatha as an identifier; not like theyd need one though ..
constantly making their own prosthetics due to growing boredom with their previous ones (autism™) and also carved the designs into their mask themself
kinger > reluctant royalty
same old kinger as usual .. when asked what he rules he doesnt particularly remember nor have an answer so hes usually treated with respect out of pity for being old and senile
second tallest behind jax , also the oldest (if you dont count caine i guess? whos sort of. ageless)
ragatha > plush friendfinder
matching bow with jax :3 sibling moment! (yes i like the ragatha + jax sibling dynamic . its amazing to me)
right eye does not glow and actually looks like a hollow hole if you get close enough to her face! also clothing making buddies with zooble :] she taught them how to sew without pricking themself
gangle > wrapped up theatre-goer (i had such a hard time thinking of a name .. and to be honest?? im not solid on this but WHAGEVER.)
shortest. obviously
likes to write plays in her spare time and reads them to zooble while they work
clothes are sectioned and Very flowy, and has a few (cracked and broken) masks she likes to use for play improv (and also uses for herself sometimes if she has a hard time expressing a certain emotion)
jax > towering tease (it sounds stupid but THIS is so fucking funny.i cannot resist this)
tallest OBVIOUSLY. like stupidly tall . has its advantages and disadvantages (like being able to steal things from gangle with no consequences . on the other hand. doorframes)
him being tall and having that be the only thing hes got going for him is absolutely hilarious to me and im leaning into that hard
he has a tail also, but its small and not visible from the chart
pomni > jittery jester (i had to look up "other words for anxious" for this.my intelligence is showing)
pretty much the only one i referenced real in game clothing for, which sort of fits! protag moment
this was all i really had, since other established things like their personalities and relationships arent really changed much. but this was fun to think about :3 input is appreciated !
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cevansbrat0007 · 10 months
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Disturbing the Peace
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Summary: You're keeping a secret from Ari - one that you'll have to tell him about eventually. Right?
Warnings: Mature Themes, Ari Being A Menace, Mentions of Death, Pet Names, Corporate Intimidation, Anxious Reader, Cursing, Minors DNI.
A/N: Takes place earlier in my Sweet Renegades Series timeline. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!
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You stare down at the notice in your hands, your mouth suddenly dry as your eyes proceed to scan the words on the page for the third time. You’d found it wedged between your doors only moments ago after closing down your shop for the night. 
Which meant someone had been out there watching – waiting – for the right moment to strike. Without the benefit of an audience. Fucking coward.   
Even still, that fact unnerved you to no end. Especially since the piece of paper you were holding seemed different from the others you’d received over the previous months. They’d been polite and professional, albeit a bit pushy.
But not this one.
This letter was short and to the point. Greystone & Reeves Real Estate Group was done beating around the bush. They were giving you one last chance to meet so that the two of you could finally begin discussing the terms of the sale of your beloved shop, Baubles & Quills. 
The one thing you’d promised your late uncle, Lenny, you’d never do.
But unfortunately for you, that didn’t seem to matter overly much to the pushy group. They were clearly tired of being ignored - a tactic that you’d employed with them from the beginning. 
When you’d first received a letter from them you’d laughed it off before crumbling it up and tossing it in the trash. You’d also done the same with the second. But by the time you’d received the third you’d been hoppin’ mad. So mad that you’d left a less than polite voicemail with their receptionist telling them that their entire company could “suck dirt and die”, because that’s exactly what you would do before you ever thought about signing away the deed to your shop.
After that, things were quiet for a time. So quiet that you forgot all about that stupid Greystone and his dimwitted lackey, Reeves. In fact, the last time you’d heard anything from them had been right after Ari had rolled into town. 
Come to think of it, you’d actually lit that letter on fire while wishing you could do the same to their headquarters – wherever they seemed to be located. Oddly enough, you hadn’t actually been able to dig up much about them online. Just that they seemed to have set up shop in several different counties surrounding Bell’s Creek.
You couldn’t make heads nor tails of why they were so interested in your property or your land. But at the end of the day, their motivations didn’t really matter.
Because you weren’t fucking selling. Not now, not ever. 
Baubles & Quills wasn’t just your place of business, but also your refuge. It was part of the legacy your uncle had left behind as a gift to the little girl who had spent so much of her childhood curled up in the overstuffed armchair in his office with her nose buried in a book. 
Long story short, you’d made a promise to the man who’d loved you like a daughter. And you intended to keep it. 
So, tomorrow you’d call Greystone & Reeves and threaten them with whatever your paralegal buddy, Erica, suggested. You’d been meaning to call her anyway so that you two could catch-up on life, as well as all things related to Mr. Ari “Beast” Levinson.
The sound of your phone ringing suddenly breaks the silence, giving you a mini-heart attack in the process. You can tell by the ringtone that it’s Ari on the other end, which has you answering without hesitation. 
“Uh, hey.” You cough out, shaking your head as you try to clear your mind. “What’s up, Beast?” You do your best to keep your tone light and breezy, not wanting him to pick up on your distress. 
Mostly because you’d never thought to mention any of the threatening letters you’d received over the last several months. Even when Ari had stopped by that one fine day to interrogate you about your relationship with Martin you’d chosen to keep that piece of information close to the vest. 
After all, it wasn’t like your Bounty Hunter could do much about it anyway. Not to mention that you’d had no idea that your relationship would ultimately progress the way it did.
Bottom line: nobody needed to know, least of all your handsome Beast. Wait. Except for Erica. She could know. Because otherwise, how else would she be able to tell you what scary things to say? 
It’s only then when you hear your name on the other line that you realize your thoughts must’ve wandered. “I’m sorry, babe. Can you please repeat that?” You mutter, scrubbing a tired hand over your face. “It’s been a long day and I’m afraid my mind is already worrying about tomorrow’s delivery.”
There was no delivery slated for tomorrow, but a little white lie never hurt anyone. Right?
“S’alright, little Bird. I know you’re tired but – wait. I thought you weren’t expecting any more deliveries for the rest of the month?” The sound of his deep, slightly roughened voice has your pulse quickening as a fresh wave of heat pools in your belly.
“I…” You trail off, your fingers coming to pinch the bridge of your nose. Serves you right for trying to lie to the one man who actually paid attention to 99.9% of the shit that you said on a daily fucking basis. 
“Guess I forgot.” You finish lamely, tucking the phone between your shoulder and your ear so that you can get moving. “I’m about to leave Baubles, though. Am I still picking us up something from Holtman’s Diner or did you change your mind?"
“Holtman’s is fine, baby.” Ari responds after a couple of seconds. “But are you sure you’re okay?”
And there it was. Granted, it didn’t sound like suspicion so much as it did concern…
But still. 
“I’m great, Beast. Pinky promise.”
Gritting your teeth you return your attention to the stupid piece of paper in front of you. But instead of balling it up and tossing it into the garbage, you decide to neatly fold it and tuck it into your purse.
Next you pull out your keys, followed by your handy dandy taser. And just to be safe, you decide to go ahead and swipe the nearby exacto knife sitting on an unopened box containing some random celebrity’s latest memoir. 
“I still think you sound funny, Duchess.”
Fuck, this man – your man – was like a goddamned bloodhound. And once he caught a scent he didn’t give up until he had his prey cornered and ready to spill their guts. 
“Augh!” You hiss as you sling your purse over one shoulder before collecting the rest of your things. “Sweetheart, I just told you I’m tired. That’s literally it. Hold on while I get the alarm.” Biting your lip you type in the passcode needed to arm your system before swiftly unlocking and exiting through the front.      
“I’m all set now. About to jump into my ride and head to Holtman’s.” Of course, you’re quick to interrupt when he attempts to turn the focus back to you. “Tell me about your day, handsome.”
Ari did not need to know that you were hovering just outside of fight or flight mode, which is why you currently had your semi-legal taser at the ready. Plus the knife and the tiny container of pepper spray hooked on your keyring. 
Now that had been a gift from Ari.
Keeping your head on a swivel, you make quick work of locking everything back up before making a mad dash to your vehicle. An uneasy feeling settles in the pit of your stomach as you continue to scan the empty lot, searching for any signs of life.  
“Yeah?” You grunt as you throw yourself into your car before locking yourself in. “Well, maybe I can try working that knot out of your shoulder later.” With shaking hands you push the start button in your car and wait for your call to connect with your bluetooth. Thankfully it doesn’t take long. “And yes, please. You have my explicit permission to repay the favor, you ridiculous man.”
Oh goodness, I can’t breathe. Mary, Jesus, Joseph, help!
Body hunched, you Immediately you peel out of the lot and turn onto a main road. Now that you’re safe, you cast a glance in your rearview mirror, feeling grateful when you don’t see anything – save for a couple of raccoons hoping to get their hands on some garbage. 
“Woo!” You shout, triumphantly punching the roof of your car. “Hell yeah!” You’d officially made it out, which meant that you would hopefully live to fight another day. 
“Huh?” Ari growls into the receiver. 
“Um, I just say two baby blue mini-coopers drive down the road. Must be good luck, ya know?” 
“Right.” He doesn’t sound very convinced.
“And I just remembered that tonight’s special involves their homemade mashed potatoes and meatloaf. Still sound good?“ Without taking your eyes off the road, you drop the taser back into the center console of your car.
“Fine by me then.” Your Bounty Hunter replies, his response sounding just shy of frustrated. But I choose to ignore in favor of simply acting like tonight was okay, even when it wasn’t. “Be safe getting here. And if you change your mind about wanting to talk…”
“Nope.” 
After that you hang up and head to the diner, snagging you both a couple pieces of homemade pie to go with your food. A bit to eat and naked cuddles with your man would make things better. At least for a little bit. 
And quite honestly, you’d take what could get these days. The universe at least owed you that much.
END
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mrdixon · 1 year
Text
sorry, i still love you
pairing: established daryl dixon x f!reader
wc: 1.8k
summary: soft apologies and kisses, or alt; your boyfriend is quite cute in a poncho.
warnings: slight angst…?
A/N: love daryl, love poncho daryl. need him to wrap me up in his big strong arms under his poncho…….. short fic SURPRISINGLY it being under 3k words shakes my bones but its okay because not all my fics have to be astronomically long………. also 100% not proofread im sorry i literally dont have the patience to read over my own work
masterlist!
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It was a late night and you couldn’t sleep like usual. Sighing as you turned your head over to the window, slightly cracked open and letting a breeze through, the faint smell of wet grass from the rain filling your nostrils. The sky was dark, save for the twinkle of the stars and moon. You turned your head over to the nightstand, the clock reading 2:24 am, your gaze then travelling over to an empty picture frame that had a polaroid of you and Daryl wedged between the glass and frame. Picking it up and taking the polaroid between your fingers, it was during your stay at the Greene’s farm a few years ago.
You two didn’t know it yet but there was mutual feelings stirring up between you two, the photo capturing the moment you convinced Daryl to be in a photo with you. His grumpy expression didn’t hide the small smirk tugging at his lips as you wrapped your arms around him. You smiled fondly at the memory, still hearing his irritated grunt as you ushered him over to steal a picture. Tucking the photo back into the frame and setting it down on the nightstand you stared up at the ceiling, wondering where your boyfriend could be.
It wasn’t out of character for him to be out this late but it still worried you. It was normal for you to be unable to sleep without his warmth next to you, worrying about the worst. You tried really hard not to think about him getting bit but you couldn’t help it, he was capable of taking care of himself so why did you worry so much?
Sighing once again, you sat up, grabbing your necklace that held his initial. Biting at the small piece of metal, a thing you did when you were anxious, tasting the metallic tang. It wasn’t usually this hard for you to fall asleep without him, most nights you’d fall asleep at around 12 am. You were scared mostly.
You and Daryl had been going through a rough patch, most your time together was full of meaningless banter and arguments and you regretted it. It was hard to stay mad at him but you were stubborn, you both were. That fact alone was enough to drive you crazy because one day you’d argue and he wouldn’t return home, either because he got bitten or just got fed up with you. Nevertheless you were trying to change, you didn’t want either of you to die thinking you hated him because you didn’t. God you loved him so much, more than you thought was possible. More than those stupid pair of socks he got you on a random supply run, more than your morning cup of tea, even more than yourself.
You groaned, falling back onto the bed and closing your eyes. There was so much you wanted to say to him, to apologize for being an asshole, to tell him you really did love him. You opened your eyes slightly to look at the bedroom door, still closed… still waiting for him to walk through at any moment…. nope, still not home. You grumbled while placing your hands over your face and kicking your feet, taking a deep breath and rolling over onto your side. Okay, try to sleep… we can sleep… you’re sleeping… your eyes are closed… right?
You groaned again, almost frustrated at yourself for not being able to sleep. Finding yourself quite annoying at how dependent you are of Daryl. You sighed quietly, looking over at his side of the bed and running your hand across it. Empty and cold, the last time you saw him there was in the morning. Right after you argued about something so stupid you couldn’t even remember what it was, still seeing his bare back adorned with scars and tattoos as he got up and left to go out again. You swallowed thickly as you remembered how harsh you were earlier, now deciding to just stay up until he comes home. Wanting to apologize and just kiss him because when was the last time your lips felt his?
Suddenly you heard the door open, sitting up immediately and locking your eyes with the man who occupied your mind at all times. Daryl stood there at the door for a moment, his poncho draped over his body. A cute sight, he looked so small contrary to the fact that he was in fact, not. He stared at you skeptically as he placed his bag down on the floor next to the laundry bin.
“Wha’ are ya doin’ up?” He grumbled, slowly walking over to you and standing next to the bed where you sat. You couldn’t help but look up at him with a giddy smile, feeling relieved and happy that your boyfriend was finally here.
“Couldn’t sleep,” you replied simply as you looked him up and down, “you look so cute.” Daryl raised a brow, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took in your words. He didn’t really know how to respond to compliments from you, especially after your argument this morning.
He scoffed lightly, a tiny smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Cute? Really?” he murmured, his voice laced with amusement, “ain’ tha’ somethin’.” You giggled, reaching out to take his gloved hand in yours, his fingertips exposed as you ran your nails over them.
“C’mere,” you whispered, holding your arms out. He hesitated for a moment before kicking his boots off and moving into your arms, the two of you falling back onto the bed. His arms wrapped around your waist and held you close, his face buried in your shoulder while your own arms wrapped around his back.
The two of you lay like this in silence, it was rare for you two to share moments like these. Often times you were too scared to touch him, afraid he’d push you away. It was never like that for him, he craved your touch as much as you craved his. You both were just too worried about what the other might think that neither of you decided to make any moves. Tonight was different though, you lay there enjoying each other’s company without saying a word.
You heard him breathe in, nuzzling his nose against your shoulder. Finally he broke the comfortable silence. “You really don’ sleep much, do ya?” he asked, his voice low and gentle.
“Nope,” you whispered, nuzzling your face into his neck. “I miss you when you’re gone.” He hummed in response, squeezing you tighter as his body relaxed in exhaustion. You giggled before moving yourself under his poncho, poking your head out from where his was, you two sharing the poncho now.
Daryl felt a sense of contentment as he watched you snuggle closer to him under the poncho, your body heat filling him with love and desire. Wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer, using his other hand to stroke your hair gently and tilt your head up slightly to look into your eyes.
“Yeah, well I guess tha’s fair. We both got used to havin’ each other around,” he admitted softly, looking down at your lips and then back at your eyes while running his fingers through your hair affectionately. “It’s kinda hard ta go back ta bein’ alone after all the time we spent together.”
You nodded, letting him pull you closer to him. Your chest pressing against his as you both stared into each others eyes, his gaze wandering over your face as he tucked strand of hair behind your ear. He sighed, feeling his breath against your face. Despite everything you’d been through together—the fights, disagreements, banter—he knew he still cared for you, he still loved you. And right this moment he couldn’t imagine wanting anyone else by his side more than he wanted you.
“’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
You both murmured at the same time, shock evident in your expressions. He nibbled his lip, rubbing your chin with his thumb, eventually grazing the pad of it over your bottom lip. “Guess we’ll jus’ have ta make sure we never lose sight of each other again,” he mumbled, voice thick with regret.
You looked up at him, meeting his eyes as you reached up to comb your fingers through his hair. His gaze immediately softened and he let out a small huff while admiring your features up close, his fingers tracing over your jaw. He seemed to melt under your touch, slouching over which caused his face to lean closer to yours. He looked so cute like that, his bottom lip jutted out into a slight pout, his expression resembled a puppy.
Your hand stilled in his hair, pulling him closer and diminishing that small gap between you two and pressing your lips against his. If even possible, he seemed to melt even more, closing his eyes and kissing you back with equal need and affection. His hands gripped your waist tight but gentle under the poncho covering both your bodies, one hand holding the back of your head. He kissed you fervently, fingers digging into your hair as he swiped his tongue over your bottom lip before reluctantly pulling away. Looking down at you, his expression one of affection and vulnerability.
“Sorry, I still love you.” You whispered, your noses rubbing together, “I love you.” You repeated, the words hanging in the air like a weighty secret, heavy with adoration. He stared at you before slowly closing his eyes and pressing his lips against yours once again, the kiss gentle but passionate. Your fingertips held his jaw, your thumbs absentmindedly caressing the stubble on his chin.
“I love ya too,” he mumbled against your lips, his voice hoarse and raw with emotion. “More than anythin’ in this world.” His eyes graced over your face, still having that slight pout as he encased your face in his hands, kissing you again. Your eyes fell closed while your fingers ran through his hair, finally pulling him flush against your body. He kissed you slow and gentle, a hand rubbing up and down your back which sent shivers down your spine, his other hand occupied at the base of your neck.
Eventually, you both had to pull away for air, but your eyes remained closed as he pressed his forehead together with yours. Exhaustion rushed through your body and he could tell, pressing a kiss to your forehead before holding onto your waist and the back of your head, flipping you both over gently so he lay on his back. Your cheek pressed between his chest and collarbone as you lay on top of him, still under his poncho. He caressed your head gently, kissing the top of your head while the smell of him invaded your senses. It was a comforting smell, tobacco and the woods, tiring you further. He let out a deep breath, wrapping your arms around your waist loosely as you lay on him, your eyes still closed as you slowly succumbed to sleep.
“Love ya so much (Y/N).” He mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. The only thing you heard before finally, falling asleep.
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onceonafullmoon · 4 months
Text
Meet Cute
Micheal Kaiser x GN! Reader
No warnings, just pure fluff! Reader is in college and from America. Reader is an anxious mess and a football fan. Apologies if the german is shit, I did my best. This fic is kinda scuffed but I wanted it to be done lol
“S–Sind Sie Michael Kaiser?” You blurt out, before mentally face palming at the stupidity of your own question. He laughs again, a slightly smug look on his face at being recognized before responding. “Ja, ich bin Michael Kaiser.”
A shiver runs down your spine as you peruse the selection of the ice cream tucked away in the freezer section, but you can’t help but smile to yourself at the welcome sight.
Yes, it was that time again, that familiar time in every college student’s life, the time to eat away your feelings after struggling your way through midterms.
Fuck midterms.
And fuck proper societal conventions as well.
Because here you are, in your pajamas, doing a late night grocery run and regretting it with every strange look served your way.
Sometimes you forget that you aren’t in America anymore, and your people-of-Walmart activities will inevitably lead to your downfall, but at least that day isn’t today.
Well, it was a small mercy that no matter where you were in the world, whether in Germany or America, that at least ice cream was a true constant that remained in your life.
You analyze the see-through fridges with slight disappointment as you realize the selection you have to work with is slightly smaller than what you’re used to, although maybe upon further inspection you’d find it refreshing not being swung at visually by 15 brands in one shelf, all desperately vying for your attention.
Either way, you find yourself drawn to the same flavor you always pick, a true creature of habit, and you pull open the fridge door to grasp at the item of your choosing.
At least you are until you find your hand colliding with another, a silent gasp parting your lips before you pull your hand back in surprise.
“Sorry!” You blurt out before realizing your mistake. “...err, I mean– entschuldigung!”
(Your German is hardly passable to be frank, but you figure you should at least try speaking the language of the country hosting you for the semester.)
Anyway, the sound of your stilted dialect is enough to bring out a light chuckle from the person, the man judging by the timbre of the voice, next to you and you finally look over to see…
Holy shit.
Is that Micheal fucking Kaiser?
You stare shell shocked at the blond superstar soccer (football, you correct in your head) player next to you, as he begins to speak.
“Kein Problem.” He says smoothly, and you have to make a conscious effort to shut your slightly parted mouth as you continue to stare at him with widened eyes.
At this point, the best thing you could do for yourself would be to grab your ice cream, pay and leave before you embarrassed yourself, but unfortunately for you, your mouth didn’t catch the memo.
“S–Sind Sie Michael Kaiser?” You blurt out, before mentally face palming at the stupidity of your own question.
He laughs again, a slightly smug look on his face at being recognized before responding. “Ja, ich bin Michael Kaiser.”
You feel your cheeks start to burn in embarrassment as the realization dawns on you that you’re standing in front of a world class athlete in the middle of a grocery store in a wrinkly, old, oversized t-shirt and shorts.
“Sie möchte ein Autogramm?” He asks amusedly, giving you a subtle once over that you normally would have missed had you not been so self conscious.
“Ja, bitte.” You say, fishing for a pen and paper in your bag.
“...I don’t normally look like this, I swear.” You can’t help but add as you find your paper and pen, switching over to English out of a combination of embarrassment and lack of language knowledge.
“You don’t?” He asks lightly, humoring you and switching over to English before taking the pen and paper out of your hands. “I would have thought you looked like this everyday.”
“What, messy?” You ask in a light tone despite being slightly offended as he scribbles his name on the paper.
“No.” He says with a smirk as he finishes, handing you the paper. “Gorgeous.”
You blink at him for a moment before you feel your cheeks warm up again, averting your eyes to the side to avoid his gaze as you try to process the fact that a celebrity, more importantly, an attractive celebrity is flirting with you.
“Ah– um, well I– uh, thank you.” You eventually get out before willing yourself to look back at him, your stomach doing a flip as you see the same smirk on his lips that you’re used to seeing on TV.
“Kein Problem.” He repeats again, that same amused lilt in his voice. 
“I mean–” You start again and you feel yourself regretting the fact that you decided to speak again. “For both uhm, the autograph and the compliment.”
You pause for a bit, unbelievably flustered, before you blurt out. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I’m so awkward, I’m just gonna leave now.”
He laughs at this, his eyes seeming to soften a bit before he speaks in a quieter tone, almost as if he’s afraid to scare you off. “No you’re fine… it’s cute.”
Your heart thumps in your chest rapidly, like you’ve just gotten done running a marathon, and you feel the heat rush to your face along with a fluttering feeling in your stomach. All these sensations combine to force a rather undignified sound from deep within yourself, sounding equivalent to a mouse caught in a glue trap.
You feel your face heat up further from the strangled sound that emitted from your very being and scrunch your eyes shut for just a moment away from Kaiser’s prying gaze.
When he laughs, you feel the embarrassment return tenfold, although the fluttering feeling in your heart might just be also because of the rich timbre of his chuckle.
“Hey, look at me.” He says after a few seconds, and despite your longing to keep your eyes closed you can’t help but obey his command.
So, slowly you open your eyes, taking in the sight of his handsome visage, his lips quirked up in a smile and it almost feels painful how your heart thuds.
“...what?” You question weakly.
“Just needed your eyes on me for a second while I do this.” He says before leaning over ever so slightly to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, his hand lingering at the apex of where your ear meets your cheek before finally pulling away.
“...” You can’t help the way you gape at him, momentarily speechless as he takes in your facial expression with his signature smirk.
“Sorry Liebling, your hair was bothering me.” He offers up as an explanation, but you can tell from the delighted gleam in his eye that he’s lying.
“Y–yeah, right.” You stutter out despite your best efforts to remain unphased and straighten up. “Anyways, it was nice meeting you, I think I’ve taken up enough of your time.”
“No, it was a pleasure.” He says smoothly, and you can’t help the twinge of jealousy that runs through you at his composed demeanor. “Take care, would you?”
“Of course, y-you too.” You manage to get out, and he smirks at you one last time before confidently striding away from you, leaving you slightly shell shocked in the ice cream aisle.
It would be a while before you fully collected your thoughts after you paid and exited the store, and that’s why perhaps you didn’t notice three things in particular.
One, that you forgot to pick up the goddamn ice cream that you were so looking forward to getting. 
Two, that your beloved celebrity had also forgotten to get his ice cream that he was reaching for because he was also that flustered despite his confident demeanor.
And three, the little number written next to your autograph with the small written letters next to it “Ruf mich an <3”.
---
Taglist: @gigiiiiislife
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nymphaliia · 6 months
Text
𐙚 TOKYO REVENGERS SMUT
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୨୧ sanzu x police officer!reader
— you need to arrest sanzu, but you're alone and he thinks you'd be so much prettier beneath him, so he takes it upon himself to remind you of your place.
cw : noncon, gun play (not really), threats, public sex, blowjob, cum swallow, humiliation, slight spitting
my masterlist : ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
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your job was tough. you knew that when you signed up so you didn't have any right to complain. but there were nights like this which were radically harder than others.
you were patrolling on your assigned neighborhood on your own. it wouldn't be effective to have you there without any help, but your police station was running short of workforce so it left you with no choice.
and you regretted deeply to have come here tonight when your boss had suggested you join another group in a less secluded area. but, you wanted to assure the safety of the inhabitants, as you've been warned repeatedly of the growing activity of various gangs here.
regardless, when you think about it, it was careless and stupid of you to think you could've managed any issues alone if one had to happen.
this overconfident thought process of yours is what led you to your current situation, a gun pointed at your head. your gun.
"what's wrong, weren't you about to arrest me?", you tried to think cleverly, hands raised in a surrender motion in hopes he wouldn't shoot just for fun.
"listen, I'm only doing my job. you need to surrender yourself to the police, my colleagues have been notified, they'll be there soon. it's in your interest to stop protesting" the man seemed insanely high, pupils dilated all the way and an eccentric speech you often found with drug addicts.
you had to gain time and act extra careful with him. the way he handled your gun showed you he wasn't a novice and knew what he was doing. shooting you would have been the least exciting highlight of his day.
"you talk a lot for a little bitch like you. your mouth doesn't need all those big words" you watched as he glared at you, getting annoyed at your 'bratty' act and thinking of a way to entertain himself.
"you're quite reckless even though I'm holding you at gunpoint" he stated lazily. you eyed him carefully, choosing not to say anything for fear of upsetting him further.
"do you value your life ? because I'm thinking of a few ways you could try and save your life" he laughed lightly, a playful expression finally making his way to his face.
you gulped as you watched him start to caress his member through his pants and you noticed with dread that the man was hard. a little wet spot had appeared and you could only pray he wouldn't make you do what you thought he would.
but of course, he was the one in charge. you had been dumb enough to let this drug addict stole it from you and now you were paying the price. you judged your options, not knowing what he would do to you and how far he was able to take it. you prepared yourself for any demand.
"get on your knees and show me how much you want to live. or would you like to test how long it'll take for your other friends to get there?", he agitated the gun in front of your head, clearly indicating what was about to become of you if you tried to play it smart.
you could resist, but he seemed way too determined at making you obey. you knew he'd force you physically if you didn't follow his words.
you shuddered at the thought of your coworkers stumbling upon you, watching with disgust and horror their sweetest colleague in such a shameful position.
so you went along, swallowing your pride and slowly sinking to your knees. you felt humiliated and wronged, knowing you'll get no mercy from the man in front of you. you were either gonna suck him off or die on the spot. your choice was done.
you grew more anxious as you watched him unzip his pants, taking his hard dick out and presenting it to you. the tip fell on your lips and you had a recoil, lucidity preventing you from remaining emotionless.
"come on princess, work for your life", he was mocking you and you had no choice but to stay silent, slowly parting your lips when he forced his dick inside.
watching you glaring up at him with a face cutely deformed by his length made him laugh at you, condescending eyes looking down at you.
"aah yes, you're definitely prettier when you shut the fuck up. acting all big and mighty just doesn't suit an airhead like you baby"
you wanted to cuss him out, regretting how stupid you had been for complying to his words in exchange for your life. at least you would've died properly during your shift like any proper cop.
but here you were, on your knees for the criminal you were supposed to arrest. you were such a failure, if your police station learned about that, you could bet your life was over for real this time.
"you better hurry up and make me cum, wouldn't want them to find out their colleague is just a dumb slut who opens her mouth wide for any criminal to cum into, right?" he presses the gun deeper into your forehead, eyes questioning if you have any fighting spirit left in you with a raised brow. he smirks when he finally feels you start to move, your movements are clumsy but it draws a few loud moans from him, obviously not caring at all about the possible passers-by.
"fuck, getting your dick sucked by a cute little cop is the best. you're doing great baby, taking it like a champ'", he mocks, tangling his hand in your head and watching you gag as he pushes you deeper and deeper on his cock. your choke are stimulating him and he finds no sympathy in himself to give you a moment to breathe.
you turn light-headed, slapping his thighs in an attempt to ask him for oxygen and he just laughs.
"poor princess, do you need someth- aah almost there, that's right keep sucking me like that" he swiftly puts your gun in his back pocket to allow him to use your head easier. that's how harmless you seem to him, he doesn't even need a gun to make you submit and it hurts your pride even more.
he now grabs two handful of your hair, scalp burning in his hands, before he slides you along his shaft quicker.
he throws his head back, enjoying the unholy sounds you make along with the sweet pleasure your abused throat offers him.
you find little relief in knowing you're alone there. at least your reputation won't be too dirtied... but of course, it wouldn't be funny if that's how things went?
"y/n ?! where are you, we've received your localisation" you freeze. you recognise that voice as your colleague, a nice guy with whom you spend most of your shift with. expect for tonight.
you look up at the man above you, fearing the glint of malice in his eyes.
"they came to look for you, how sweet. do you want me to call them over to tell them you're alright baby?" he roughly removes you from his dick, allowing you to pant for air. you would've crumbled at his feet if not for the way his hand was solidly attached to your hair. it hurt and you were scared to be discovered.
you hurriedly pleaded him with multiple shakes of your head, eyes wide and looking up at him with dread.
sanzu felt like he had won, smiling satisfyingly upon witnessing how undone you looked. just a bit of manhandling, threats and having your mouth fucked was enough to turn you into a submissive cum slut? what a treat.
he was glad he decided to go pay a visit to one of his client tonight.
"damn, her car is here but she's nowhere to be found. hope she's alright, there's a lot of gang stuff going on in this place" you listen as the voices come and go, internally praying for them to leave as soon as possible and search for you somewhere else.
you were too lost in your fear that you let out a loud chocking sound when he shoved his dick again in your warm mouth, growing tired of listening to the shouting of your name. and he stayed there again, unmoving, wearing your mouth like a socket.
you tried to throw a look behind you. you could hear them but couldn't see anything as he had your back turned on the road. even though you were hidden in a dark alley, you knew sanzu could see them clearly and you could only hate the way his smile widened at your distress.
"hey be careful, you don't want them to find you if your being too loud, do you?" and with that he started pounding into your head again.
he enjoyed the way your face looked a mess, with saliva dripping down your chin and chest, knees bruised at how long you've been on the ground and how your mascara was dirtying your cheeks. it felt so good to corrupt a cute little cop like you.
he felt your throat tightening upon hearing footsteps getting closer. he knew you were scared but it only pushed him to wreck you even more.
"oh- yes that's the spot. if you keep doing that I might just nut on the spot, are you sure you're doing the right job? might as well just become a whore..."
and he finally felt it, happy to do it in your pretty mouth.
he gripped your hair tighter, coming in your mouth with low grunts. you chocked around him, helping him finish quicker. you felt the warm liquid spurting inside and you had no choice but to swallow as he wouldn't let you go until he was sure you had tasted him fully.
"fuck, that felt so good princess. I love coming into an obedient slut's mouth, always the best" he patted the top of your hair dreamily, his lips stretched into a content smile while he kept his dick inside your mouth, waiting for the high to dissolve a little.
when he finally released you, he let his dick go in a pop, letting it rest on top of your panting head, the saliva and rest of cum coating his shaft fell on your head in drops but you were too exhausted and defeated to do anything.
sanzu felt satisfied with how things turned out today and chose to leave without any regrets. he promised himself he would pay you a little visit too when he felt like it and he jokingly kissed your cheek, thanking you for your hard work.
he cleaned his member by smearing it on your face before putting it back in his pants. he threw your gun back right in front of you "I think that's yours, you can keep it baby" and with a final spit on your face, which you received with no resistance, he finally left, unapologetic and a ting of mockery in his tone "I'm sure you'll be able to keep that secret between the two of us, right princess?"
what an asshole.
you took a moment to gather yourself, messily clearing your face up with your shirt, trying your best to look presentable.
you felt ashamed of yourself for having helped this asshole to cum. you spat all you could to try and get rid of the foul taste but to no avail.
you were at least glad he wasn't here to witness your little reunion with the people you worked with for years. you know he would've laughed at you.
you dusted your knees as you stood up, stumbling on your feet which had grown weak during the past minutes. you tried to think of a good excuse to justify your lack of response and finally made yourself known to your coworkers.
"y/n, here you are! we thought something bad happened to you- wait are you okay, you look really... tired?"
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porkcutletbowl44 · 11 days
Text
Tags!: MDNI🔞, mutual voyeurism, comfort
(my smut skills are rusty, it's been some time, mostly just practice)
Another note, this is unrelated to Far From Perfect, I just need an outlet because I'm ovulating
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Everything might have just changed permanently, he fears.
Not even 15 minutes ago there was fire and passion, lips and teeth, the taste of skin and leftover sweets from lunch, months of contained lust spilling out in messy bursts, eager touches and labored breathing.
And now? Silence.
You are curled up on the other side of the couch in the corner in a tight ball, wearing one of his shirts and your panties, your eyes cast downward.
Fear? Embarrassment? Anxious? maybe all.
Keegan glanced at you out of the corner of his eye, trying and failing to act as if he wasn't paying attention, how can he not pay attention to you?
He's smoked his cigarette and was halfway through a second one now. The silence is deafening, but the TV in front of you both was on for white noise; a reality TV show running about the lives of rich people, who are now bickering over something stupid like what brand new car to buy and add to the collection.
He tried to pretend like he didn’t notice your hesitance, but that's asking a starving man to not eat. Every movement, every shiver of your body. He noticed it all, refusing to push you further past the limit you've reached.
He didn't want to scare you, or make you feel bad.
He also didn’t know why you backed out.
Keegan let out a sigh, placing the half-smoked cigarette in the overfilling ash tray, as he leaned back into the couch, running a hand through his hair to get it back into place, something you passionately ruffled into a mess.
"Baby," he muttered, turning his head to look at you.
Meekly, your eyes meet his.
Keegan’s heart almost breaks. He hated this. Hated seeing you like this, nervous and unsure, wary and skittish.
Usually you were strong, confident, and outgoing— but right now, you're none of those. He swallows the lump in his throat, slowly sitting up and placing a careful hand on your knee.
"Are you okay…?"
Keegan's frown matches your own as you worry your lip, still swollen from the usual make out session, you avoid eye contact. He lightly squeezes your knee, silently coaxing you to say something, when you won't under these circumstances.
"Listen."
Keegan slowly scoots closer, moving to press his hip against yours, looking down at you as you sit like a curled up, nervous animal.
"Did I pressure you?"
You shake your head, exhaling nervously.
"No, I'm sorry..."
Keegan scoffs. "Don't be sorry. If you didn't wanna, you didn't have to."
Despite his words, his stomach twisted. What if you were lying? He knew sometimes you did that to try and avoid upsetting him, or worrying him. What if you were playing two roles here, unwilling to face his concerns?
He could feel a sickening, cold chill of guilt settle deep into his bone marrow, wondering if he did push you. Did he do something wrong? Is there something you don't like?
His mind begins to whirl with thoughts like a storm: Was I too pushy? Did I go too fast? Did I say something wrong? Was I too rough? Did I hurt you?
Keegan thought he had been respectful, waiting patiently while you were comfortable.
He hadn't tried to push you, pressure you. But now he was worried that maybe he had. He had hoped you wanted this. That you'd be ready, as he was. After months of secret, testing the water touches, sneaking off like teenagers to get a taste of lips, he thought that now would be perfect.
He wanted this. To be physically intimate with you, to seal the deal into something more after months of slowly waiting.
But now?
Now he wasn't sure, and he felt like a fool.
"Promise to not be mad?" You whispered.
Keegan's jaw tenses, his nerves on full alert.
Oh, god. I did something. I pushed her, now it's all over.
Without a second thought, he quickly nodded. You uncomfortably shift in place, fingers wringing together. Immediately, Keegan's mind thinks of a million different reasons why you would be nervous.
Did you have a bad experience? Did something happen before you met him? Was it something he had done? Was it something he will do?
As you finally look at him, you're pumping with anxiety. "I have trouble,"
Keegan’s brows furrow together, head canting to the side like a confused puppy. What could you possibly ‘have trouble’ with?
"Trouble with what?"
You sigh, shoulders slumping in what he assumes to be reluctance.
"I don't have much... experience. And, I had to stop, because I can't... Finish,"
Oh.
Keegan’s mind instantly settles of all the worrisome thoughts, his shoulders sagging as relief washes over his body like a tidal wave. While he isn't the problem in this equation, you have worries of your own that dwarf his.
He wasn't the problem, thank god.
"Hey," he soothes, scooting a little closer. "It's alright. That's alright, baby."
"It's not," you almost cry, turning your head away.
"Yes it is," Keegan counters quickly.
He reaches out to gently grip your chin, coaxing your face to look at him. "You didn't do anything wrong, you don't have experience, that's okay. It's not a bad thing." he explains, leaning in to brush his lips against your temple.
Keegan hates everything about this— the embarrassment, the hesitation and anxiety you feel. How you must feel like something's wrong with you, is fucking jarring.
There's nothing wrong with you.
"I swear, it's okay." he softly reiterates, releasing your chin and wrapping an arm around your waist to scoot you on his lap.
"I disappointed you..." You mumbled, face planting into his shoulder in a lazy slump.
He'd never be, at all, disappointed in you.
For this? For something you can't even control, especially for your lack of experience? Not at all.
"No, no, you didn't." he immediately reassures, pressing a firm warm kiss onto the crown of your head, squeezing you tightly. He tucks his face down into the crook of your neck, gently nuzzling against your skin.
"Never. You could never disappoint me, baby."
He leans back into the couch, fingers pressed into the soft flesh of your hip, his chin resting on your shoulder giving side of your neck a trail of warm kisses.
"I don't care if you have experience or not. I don't care if we don't have sex," he murmurs beside your ear.
It was half true for the most part; he'd been dreaming of finally getting you in his bed, waking up to you, taking the next step in a relationship he was taking seriously for once. And if you didn't want that, or you still weren't ready, then no harm.
"As long as you're comfortable, I don't care. That's all I want.”
"But you will care,"
"No, I won't."
He gently grips your jaw to turn your face and face his, pushing your hair away from your face with his knuckles.
"As long as you don’t care, I won't care. I don't need sex. I just need you."
You pout, he sighs, his shoulders slumping, you're not letting this go or being reassured. He can't blame you, men are known for being needy, needing something tight and warm to dump their cum in and expect enthusiastic moaning in response.
"You're not thinking properly," he murmurs, "You're makin' a problem in your head when you're not thinking logically. Do you honestly believe I'd be mad at you because you don't have experience? Really?"
"I'm mad at myself, I do want to, but it's going to be the same thing every time..."
Keegan groans.
He knew it.
He knew you were thinking something you shouldn't have been.
"Don't blame yourself. You can't help it, and I'm not blaming you. It happens. I understand that. We'll figure it out. Baby, it doesn't bother me."
"It bothers me!" You correct frustratedly, "I want to have a sex life, I want to enjoy it like you can, I want... I want what I can't have,"
Keegan's chest twists into a knot of pain, your confession is raw and honest.
It's insane hearing you speak like this, how you're getting down on yourself, thinking you can't do something or that something isn't right with you.
The first step is making you feel better.
The second is helping you feel good.
And maybe, some wisdom can help.
"Hey, look at me," he whispers, gently tipping your chin up. "It's not just about gettin' off."
Your eyebrows knit tightly, "what?"
He gives a slight scoff, gently rubbing the nape of your neck.
"It’s not about the end. It’s not about gettin' off. That's just the bonus. It’s not the main goal." he states matter-of-factly, lightly squeezing your hip. "You think that you're not satisfying my needs by not having an orgasm, but you are. You're pleasing me. You're makin' me feel closer to you."
"But that's..." You faulter, confused.
You must think it's supposed to be like porn or some shit. Like you're supposed to feel what they are acting, what isn't real. Shame on the ones who didn't treat you fairly, shame on them.
"But what? But how? Don't tell me no one's taken the time to do what you like." he echoes, lightly rubbing your hip.
What you need to understand, is to get out of your own head for a while. That's one of the problems, you're thinking too much about it. You are too caught up in your head, the what if's, the how's, all of that needs to leave you conscious.
"Do you want to know what actually does get me going?" he murmurs, leaning in to brush his nose against yours.
"It's how you smile at me," he confesses, his fingers tracing over your spine, rubbing small circles, "The way your laugh makes me laugh. The way you look, the way you talk," his voice drops an octave lower, the words coming out like a grumble. "That's what makes me want you, and those small things are better than an orgasm."
"So you just pop a boner every second I'm here?"
The bark of laughter that escapes is true and gravelly, a slight chuckle bubbling in your own throat. And, yes, you are correct.
"You make it sound so crude," he retorts, "but I ain't gonna lie. I do get hard for you. Lots. Especially with the way you dress, and the things you do, even if you're just going about your day."
His fingers trail up and down your spine, tracing the outline of your shoulder blades. He nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck, enjoying the intimacy of just holding you.
"Being hard is just a little reaction, baby," he murmurs, lips lightly brushing against your neck. "It doesn't mean it has to lead to something."
"I want something like that with you, though,"
Keegan frowns.
"You already have something like that with me," he soothes, placing kisses down your neck, lips pressing against your racing pulse. His hand slides up under your– his –shirt to rest against the small of your back.
"I told you, you're already pleasing me. I get like this without you trying to do anything." he murmurs in your ear, gently nipping your earlobe. "It just happens, baby."
You let out a ragged sigh in frustration, and this time you are trying to focus to his satisfaction. "No, Keegan, I want to sleep with you,"
You want him.
It awakens something in the deep, dark recess of his mind. A low growl echoing in his ribcage, ricocheting off the columns of bones, a beast coming out of a deep hibernation with an insatiable hunger shows it's ugly head.
"Yeah," he exhales, shifting in his seat, trying to ignore the way your words and bluntness are stirring something in his gut.
"That's obvious." he breathes.
"And it makes me think I'm selfish to say that I won't get anything out of it, because my body doesn't want to cooperate."
Keegan's eyes soften, the sight of you being like this cutting through his feels like a knife. He looks at you for a moment, silently trying to think of what to say. To reassure you, to comfort you.
To whoever hurt you like this, death is too kind of a sentence.
Then he lifts his hand, gently running his knuckles down your jaw, "You aren't selfish for wanting something. Nothin's wrong with you— there ain't a person alive who works perfectly."
You're going to keep blaming yourself, he knows it.
He knows you’re going to continue to tell yourself that there’s something wrong with you, that you won’t satisfy him, that you’re a disappointing partner and will continue to feel this way until you snap.
You won't break while he's around.
He won't let you be like this.
He has an idea.
"Listen to me, angel." he rasps.
He cups your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him. His thumbs gently graze your cheeks, forcing you to pay attention to him.
"You're gonna do it."
Do what? The question sits on your tongue before it's squashed out of existence as he lays you against the arm of the couch, his legs prying yours apart to lay opposite of you.
"I'm going to teach you something," he grunts, settling on his back while you're splayed out half on his lap like a silver platter.
"Show me what you like."
"Like...?" You prompt tensely, fingers curling into the hem of his tee sprawled on the top of your thighs.
"I'm serious," he responds, his hands slowly trailing up your leg, fingertips brushing over the outside of your thighs. He gently pushes up the fabric of his shirt that you're wearing, your pretty panties on full view for him to see again.
"I'm completely serious. I wanna know what you like, baby. This," he grabs the inside of your thigh, giving it a squeeze, "—its all about connection. Not the sex itself. It's trust,"
You squirm under his gaze, your skin painting with color, teeth capturing your swollen lips- oh, Keegan's always had a thing for the shy ones.
"You want me to—"
"Touch yourself."
He slowly drags his hand down to your knee, pushing it further away, tucking the bend over a thick thigh. His touch is careful, and his words come out low and quiet. Hungry.
"I want you to show me. I want you to trust me enough to show me what you like. Tell me. Guide me."
For a moment, you just blink and stare in shock. He just rubs his hand up and down your calf, trying to bring you out of your stupor. This, the problem, is that you think too much. You're over complicating something that is meant to be fun, something that can be amazing.
"Hey, hey." he calls, giving your calf a small squeeze. "Don't get lost in your head, baby. Come back here. Just nod and then tell me. I won't even touch you,"
The trepidation in your eyes holds you back, the cogs churn in your head, a dozen thoughts flashing through. You need to trust him with this, but he also understands that he shouldn't push you. He can't push you and he won't.
"It's just me here, baby. Just wanna watch, that's all I'll do." he reassures, "Nobody else. It's just us."
Your skin is silk under rough callouses, like a calm night in the ocean pushing against the barnacle riddled hull cutting through in a choppy push and turn.
"Don't think, just follow what feels right. I won't pressure you or touch you unless you want me to. It's all up to you. Can you do that for me, baby?"
And then the moment of truth, you nod.
"Good girl." 
Keegan gives a slight nod, his expression struggling to hide his excitement, the curiosity for something new. He gently grabs both of your thighs, coaxing you to bring your legs up until your feet lay next to his ribs. From his angle he can see between your legs, that small wet spot at your slit already forming, he's becoming hot and heavy at the mere sight.
"Just relax," he mutters, "Just relax, baby. I just want you to feel comfortable."
You hum quietly, moving with his guidance to situate yourself.
"That's it," he whispers, his breath coming out in a deep exhale.
His hands slide down your soft thighs, watching intently as you make yourself comfortable, your body open and exposed to him. You squirm your back around, elbowing the pillow behind you to lay comfortably on a even surface. Your hips wiggle down, accommodating for his wide man spread.
God, this: seeing you like this, the way you trust him, the way you listen to him. It makes his heart race to no end.
"Alright," he murmurs. "You're all done? You're comfortable?"
You nod again, your face tucked down as it turns a warm, deep red color from the exposure and sheer shyness of the exposure.
"Look at me," he quietly reminds you. "Stay here, don't get lost in your head. You're doing good, baby."
You exhale softly and nod, limbs going lax over his legs.
Keegan's eyes rake over you, taking in the sight of your bare legs opened for him, your thighs trembling softly around firm muscle prying them open. His hands glide over your calves, fingers tracing along the soft flesh.
"Fucking beautiful like this," he murmurs, the comment slipping from his lips before he can even realize it.
He bites the inside of his cheek, silently scolding himself for his outburst. He not trying to scare you, doesn’t want you to think he’s some perverted freak. He might be, with you. He just thinks you look amazing like this.
He rubs his hand up and down the inside of your calf, hoping to distract you so he can get his bearings.
"So smooth," he comments, shifting his hips, "No razor burn."
He watches as your hand drifts down the front of the shirt you’re wearing, tracing down your stomach to the waistband of your panties. He swallows hard, thoughts becoming dirtier by the second.
"I want you to take the shirt off," he instructs rough and deep, a way to gather himself before the show starts, "I want to see you."
A low growl vibrates in his throat as you pull off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. His eyes rake over every exposed inch of skin for the second time, drinking in the sight of you like a starving man.
It's just as good as 20 minutes ago, seeing you shirtless for the first time and this is just as good.
He lets out a shaky pant, his hand gripping the edge of the couch cushion as he forces himself to stay still.
"God, look at you." he whispers, his eyes roaming over your breasts heaving with your breathing.
Keegan's eyes are snap to your hands as they go to your panties, watching as your fingers lightly dip beneath the edge of the lacy waistband.
He keeps his lips pressed tight together, forcing himself to remain still and quiet. A quick rush of excitement and anticipation swirls inside of him, stirring up his insides.
"Slide them down." he instructs in a rough and gravelly strain, "Slowly, take them off, baby."
Your fingers push them down over each swell of your hips, hooking off your ankle for his greedy hand to snatch them away from you, stuffing them unceremoniously into his pocket.
He returns his hands to rubbing your legs, trying to soothe and distract you so you’re not so shy and uncomfortable.
"So good to me," he murmurs, shifting in excitement. "You’re doing so good."
You shiver under his hot touch, the gentle brush of his fingers sending tremors through you.
"So goddamn sexy, baby," he whispers, squeezing your thighs. His gaze rakes down your now-naked body, his dark eyes drinking in your glistening pussy.
He knows he's losing control. He's slowly becoming more impatient. He wants to touch you, to take you, but he has to remain vigilant. Has to do this for you.
He has to hold back his base primal instincts. He can’t remember the last time he was this excited, this turned on.
You look so goddamn beautiful.
Your fingers shyly touch, aware that there is an audience as you play with your slippery folds.
Keegan has almost turned into a statue, his body unmoving save for the rapid rise and fall of his chest. He watches intently, his hands clawing into his thighs to keep himself under control.
You're so unbelievably wet, and he promised to not touch you and he hasn't, and you're wet.
He’s almost aching to, so tempted to take over, to bring you the pleasure he knows you want, what he knows he can bring.
For now he can imagine your hand has his.
"Go on." he murmurs, his voice thick, "just go slow for me, baby. I'm right here."
Your fingers push your folds apart for him, your hood pulling back to expose that oh so sensitive clit poking out. Your labia slumps to the side, your drooling hole leaking everywhere—
Keegan purrs in need, at least he gets to see your bare cunt like this for the first time. Every tease, every ghosting touch, he imagined as his own.
You let out a shuttering breath as you circle your clit slowly,
"Y-You're just gonna... Sit there?"
He wants to touch you, to replace your own fingers with his, that is something he will confidently admit.
A low guttural growl rumbles deep in his throat, his breathing becoming more and more ragged. This was a bad idea. He should've just picked you up and brought you to the bedroom, took it much slower, gave you all the attention you need, not done this.
He didn't realize how torturous and good this would be.
"Yes," he grits out, his eyes glued to your fingers. "Just watching you."
Your fingers trace down to your hole, curling in only to cover it from his eyes.
He tears his gaze up to you like a heavy weight with a heated look, "Unless you want me to do something?"
He does want to do something, to touch you and give you the sex you deserve, but this is for you. This is to see what you like, how you react to things, how you want it.
He's doing this for you.
He's doing it to please you.
"Relax. Do what you'd normally do. What you like, feels good doesn't it, baby?" he rumbles. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, trying to ease the dryness in his mouth.
Your hips jerk up softly, the length of your finger grinding up and down, up and down, slow and rhythmic, every pass of your second knuckle brings a twitch to your thighs.
"Can you... Do it too?" You breathe, forcing your eyes to stay open as your fingers work.
A small smile stretches across his features, a thrill of excitement running through him at your request.
"I'm gonna need a little more than that, baby," he growls, his eyes struggling to decide looking at you, your hand, and your absolutely soaked pussy, "Say exactly what you want me to do."
You whine, "Touch yourself too,"
A shudder runs down his spine at your words. This…this is not how he thought this would go. He didn't expect the roles to be reversed, to be the one being put on the spot like this.
The thought of you watching him as he touched himself…
"Fuck," he grunts gruffly, his cock twitching against the inside of his waistband.
He palms himself as his head dips back, growling lowly. He just needs a moment to collect himself. He just needs one moment of clarity.
Finally, after a few tense seconds, he looks up at you, undoing the button and fly to tug himself out. He definitely didn't think this would be how you see him for the first time, but fuck it there's a first time for everything tonight now.
He's unbelievably hard. Tip tacky with smears of pre cum that's still drying on his hip, flushed red and angry, veins popping on the underside of his shaft.
You whimper softly, fingers slipping down to collect slick and rotating back.
He lets out a harsh breath, his eyes almost rolling to the back of his head. He'd just need a little bit of stimulation, just something to match you.
"Give me some," he orders.
Your fingers delve into your folds, gathering what you can and coyly reaching for him, lathering his base up to the ridge of skin on the underside of his cock.
Keegan lets out a hiss, his eyes fluttering shut. The muscles in his abdomen flex hard as you touch carefully, a shudder running through his body at the contact.
He feels like he's going to bust any second.
Your touch was heavenly. He was aching and now your touch was just teasing him.
A low guttural growl emits from him, a deep rumble in his chest.
"Don't look away." he demands, his eyes locked on you like a predator and it's prey.
His hand closes around your wrist, stilling your movement for a moment.
"See how bad you've made me want you?" He rasps darkly.
He releases you, purring in satisfaction as your fingers work desperately on yourself, chasing that lightning bolt feeling deep inside your aching cunt.
"Do what you'd normally do," he instructs in a low rumble, his hand stroking in time with you. "I won’t move."
You've done a number on him, making him so hard he's almost about to cum at just the sight.
He wants to break.
He's just about reached his limit.
His muscles are tense and his blood is pumping, and it's taking every ounce of his restraint to not pounce and devour you.
He's in too deep now. He can't back out.
He's just got to see it through.
This is about trust and about letting you take control.
It's not unwelcome, but it is certainly different.
"I like watching this. Seeing you like this," he pants, his hand squeezing as he downstrokes hard, "So damn sexy, knowing you're all mine, huh?"
"Yours," you mewl, your hips straining up against your fingers.
Keegan's other hand is curled into a fist so tight he feels as if he might break it. He strokes himself tighter, ruddy tip peeking with every pass.
The sight of him makes you writhe in place, your fingers almost slipping off yourself with every frantic motion.
"Yeah, that's right," he grunts, shifting himself so he has a better view. "All mine. This is mine. Show me. Show me what mine looks like."
One dainty finger sinks into your far to empty hole, your slit stretching around the thicker base of your finger.
Every muscle in his body tightens, his eyes rolling almost to the back of his head. His hand speeds up as he watches it live, his breath turning into hot pants.
"Holy shit," he rasps, unable to look away how your finger tells him how tight you are.
His hips roll upward, aching for pressure, for someone to touch him. He's dying to be in you, to feel that tight heat.
"Yeah?" he breathes huskily, "Feels good? You like that angel?"
"So good, especially right here—" you whimper, palm angling down on hyper sensitive nerves.
He looks wrecked, he is wrecked, his mouth open and panting, his eyes locked on your body like a starving man.
"Show me, let me see more,"
"I-Its inside," you murmur meekly, your pupils blown wide, showing the pretty glimmer of tiny tears.
"Yeah?" he purrs hoarsely.
He shifts his legs wider and dips his chin down to watch you fuck yourself to him fucking himself. His brain is overloaded, completely overwhelmed. He's not sure how much more he can handle, how much more he can watch.
"How deep?" he growls, flaring tip coming into view as each tug pulls foreskin away.
Your thighs twitch, toes curling next to his waist.
"I can barely reach," you whimper.
A guttural sound emanates from his chest, his body almost trembling from the effort of staying still.
"Show me, baby," he instructs, "Show me how far you can reach."
His eyes are glued to your glistening finger as you lay it on your pussy, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, He's never seen someone like this wet before, this needy, for him. He's going to lose it, the control he's kept so closely being ripped from his grasp.
This was too much.
Having you so willing, so open. It's almost too much
All from him.
"Shit, I'd do anything to taste you. C'mon, don't stop now," he begs breathlessly.
This, you were driving him crazy, making him want to do things, say things.
He's never like this, normally in control of himself, but there is something about you that just makes his head spin, makes his control slip.
You're an image of pure lust and ecstasy, something for him to relish and drink in, and that's all he can do.
"Good girl," he croons roughly, "so pretty when you do what you're told."
He’s completely lost in the moment, his breathing heavy and ragged, the wet sound of your slick as lube for his cock, the soft feminine pants coming from you, this is the best he's had and he's not even fucking you.
"So good, aren't you?" he rumbles, his eyes locked on you like a hawk. "You like this, huh? Tell me how it feels."
The sounds coming out of you have him absolutely weak he hasn't done anything to you, his head is almost spinning from lack of blood.
"S'good," you slur, the pads of your fingers pressing into your bud harder.
He pants and grits his teeth at the sight, resisting the urge to move closer to you, fuck you with his fingers, his cock. His eyes are hooded, his gaze dark and heated as he watches you, a low guttural growl purring in his chest.
"Yeah?" he grunts, his body trembling with the effort to remain still and not cum. "Keep going, you gotta tell me more than that."
Keegan is a man of straight to the point. Always has been, needing direct and clear.
You gasp softly, your hips canting against your fingers, "Feels s'good I wanna... Put your cock in my mouth and.. play with myself,"
His body jerks and trembles when your words ring in his ears.
"Oh fuck." he hisses, his head tossing back.
He loves watching this, seeing you tease and play like he's not there.
He's never heard you this vulgar before, this crude, he's pushed you so much to this point.
He doesn't mind it though, in fact he thinks it’s beyond hot.
"You want that? You gotta come first," his hand pumps faster.
You whine, "yes,"
His hand is almost a blur, his eyes glued to you. His head struggling to not roll back.
"You're so damn close baby," he croons. "I can see it. You just gotta let go." He pants, swallowing hard.
The pressure is building, rapidly, unstoppable.
"Stay with me, alright? Keep going, just focus, you're doing so good,"
Two of your fingers rub furiously at your clit, moaning and watching his fist tug himself off to you.
"Don't look away," he warns, his voice gruff and thick. "Keep those eyes on me."
He's barely holding it together, barely holding himself back as he watches you. He's completely captivated, unable to look away.
"Just a little more," he rumbles, his hand working in time with your own, "You close?" He almost mocks.
"Yes," you whimper, legs shaking and flexing.
"That's it, baby, I can see it," he groans, his hand pumping faster. "You're almost there."
He's almost delirious, so lost in the moment he's not even caring that he's dry jerking.
Your fingers circle twice more, a breath stuttering in your lungs, eyebrows scrunching, and oh— there it is.
It's pure, raw bliss on your face. Your eyes screw shut, your thighs shake on top of his, your hole fluttering around nothing—
That does it for him.
With a throaty groan he creates a tight fist over his cock head, cumming messily and seeping out through his fingers on his stomach and soft patch of hair below his navel.
“Goddamn," he murmurs roughly, watching as your body quakes and trembles with pleasure. "Good girl, good girl," he praises with heavy grit in his voice, his hand slowing with every pulse of his cock.
The look on your face is one of pure bliss, of pleasure. He's absolutely enamored by it.
"Come here," he rumbles, reaching out for you. He pulls you to him effortlessly, placing you between his legs.
His skin is burning, his drive to show you how good you are, how good you did overpowering all logic. He grips the back of your neck, fiercely kissing you with fervour.
"Did so fucking good, angel."
You melt against him, ass perched in the air chest to chest and kissing him back. He grabs a handful of your hair, tilting your head to kiss you deeper and knead one of your ass cheeks.
"How'd you like that?" he rasps as he continues to kiss you, nipping softly along your jaw.
He can't stop his hands, they're roaming and touching you everywhere they can, pushing your tits up to sit in his palms, finger dimpling into your soft waist, his tongue licking into your empty maw.
"Believe me now? How perfect you are?"
You moan brokenly against his lips, and just like that he's hard again.
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ofallthingsnasty · 5 months
Text
tw: workplace harassment, mental illness, gn reader, make sure to read the last paragraph as well characters: Crocodile, Doflamingo word count: 1k
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While I may be suffering from "I'm a total newbie and scared shitless of my boss" disease + an anxiety disorder, this would be so perfect for either Crocodile and Doflamingo.
Just think about it… You just started working for one of them - and both men certainly demand respect, can be quite scary when provoked, but you think you can weather any storm that might be coming your way. You’re grown, you’ve got bills to pay, they’ve been professional enough so far, it won’t be too bad, right? Oh, stupid, stupid you - because they can smell your little authority figure issues ten miles upwind.
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Both notice that you're green, easily impressed and hurried by their presence, notice how sweaty your hands and furrowed your brow gets - and both definitely corner you; try to get you into a frenzied state, right into panic mode just because it’s fun to see how you slowly fly off the hinges. They both toy with you in their own ways - Crocodile is just always standing behind you, silently watching, only the smell of smoke and his cologne telling you he's right there, looming over your shoulder. He enjoys the way your hands shake with whatever it is you’re doing, how you cough and shift around while he does absolutely nothing. His mere presence makes you so antsy he doesn't even have to say something and his silence is easily interpreted as criticism and mistrust by your anxious little brain. It only gets worse when he never talks about his little staring/surveillance sessions, never explains why he randomly shows up at your desk or workstation, never asks you for a word afterwards - you always feel like you’re not good enough, that no matter how long you’ve been by his side, he needs to check up on you. He’s an imposing man, too - so much bulk and smoke, just the thought of him asking you for a vis-a-vis keeps you up at night. And every day, every week spent fretting over him and his perception of you (coupled with the fact that you really, really need this job) makes you more and more insecure, makes it hard to unwind after yet another long day, makes you overanalyze every single glance, every word and move of his. He slowly creeps into your after-hours, your conversations with friends, your weekends, even your vacations.  And he can tell. Crocodile notices the slight, subtle changes. The way you smooth over your clothes before talking to him, how you place an index and middle finger over sternum as if to shield yourself from him, the fucking cold sweat shining on your forehead whenever he does question a decision of yours with a gruff bark. The way you avoid his eyes, stumble over your own feet in a hurry, the way he can see that you sleep worse and worse - that’s how he knows he's got you hooked, fully and wholly. That all you're thinking about is him and work and pleasing him and being good at work and again, him and work and him and- Your job is the only thing in your life now, from the moment you wake up to the time you lay your head down to sleep, everything is consumed by thoughts of him and his opinions about you and your abilities, always aiming to please and so, so nervous to fail. It’s perfect.
Doflamingo is way more vocal about it. He'll throw your work right back into your face, all sneers and acid tongue. It’s just not enough, never enough, reflects badly on him, on his company - whatever it is you do, it hails nothing but criticism and mockery and late nights to fix your stupid mistakes. He doesn’t even give you moments of rest, he just constantly picks on you until you’re seriously considering just resigning for your own mental health. He’s methodically destroying your self-esteem, makes you doubt your own abilities - you know you shouldn’t let him creep into your head as much as he does, but when all you hear is that you’re so fucking bad at your job, how much you suck - it sticks. You’re so stressed because of him you almost have a panic attack over putting your two weeks in and despite your suffering, you keep procrastinating, keep telling yourself you’ll do it tomorrow, when you have had a full night’s sleep. Problem is - you never do. He can tell by the way you’re idling, fiddling with the straps of your bag whenever he comes in for the day that you’re trying to leave - but that you're simply too scared of his reaction to pull the trigger. And that right there; that fear, that pedestal you put him on is the perfect breeding ground for all sorts of unethical things he can push you to do for him. He starts out small; things like getting him coffee in the mornings when you never did that before, a too-warm, lingering hand on your shoulder, a comment about your outfit - every little thing is calculated, tailored to slowly destroy your boundaries while you fear him more and more, give him way more authority over your life than you should. He knows it’s psychological, that someone else might be able to flip him off and leave without ever thinking twice about him. But you… You have accepted him as the one part of your life everything hinges on - you give him all that power in your sick little brain. Oh, he’ll use it well. The fun has only just started, rest assured. 
And while Crocodile gets to click his tongue, scoff and tell you that he'll take over from now on because clearly - you're just not capable and you obviously need him (not only at work but also in your whole life, silly), Doflamingo taunts you and tells you to make yourself useful, then, if you can't even do your job right. Maybe sucking his dick is your true calling - come on, let's see if you can do at least one thing right. One man wants to take your life over completely, sees you as the malleable (perfect) mess that you are, with all the potential that comes with it - and the other just wants to fuck you up for the next decade of your life, wants to be reason you wake up in the middle of night because his vicious smile still bounces around in that head of yours
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diabolikangel158 · 2 months
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Can you do vox x reader? Where you and vox were fighting (idk what about I am not creative) and he eventually starts to see he's wrong (RARE VOX MOMENT??/j) and he feels bad, so he wants to make you feel good, because his pride won't let him utter those two words. 'I'm sorry' is what this whole ordeal is trying to point to. But his pride won't let him utter those words.
"It Starts with Sorry"... Not for Vox Though
Vox x Reader 
Disclaimers: Not a healthy relationship, some abusive themes but nothing crazy (at least not to me). Small insinuation that there is some superficial Valentino x Reader.
Summary: Vox doesn’t know how to apologize, though it seems he has his own way of doing so?
God, I hate this. You cast an anxious glance at your phone as you ride along in the limo with the one and only Velvette. Your dresses were so extravagant that Velvette demanded that Vox and Valentino take a different limo. In truth, you were thankful for it, seeing as Vox was cross with you. You begin to review the messages that Vox and you had exchanged earlier while you were out in the city. You wonder if he is still angry with you; the thought of him being mad only made you more anxious. 
Vox: Hey, dollface, you’re going to be here in time for the party right?
Y/N: Voxy, I thought you said I didn’t have to go to this one? Because I went to the last one and was good? You know I’m not much for parties, we go to so many social events already. 
Vox: No, I didn’t. 
Y/N: I’m…sure you did, babe.
Vox: Babe, why would I ever say that? You know I need my girl at every event. <3
Y/N: Yes, but you said since I was being so good I could skip the next one, see? *send a screenshot as proof*
Vox: …Are you fucking kidding me? You are the most ungrateful bitch I’ve ever met. I could have anyone on my arm, but I choose you. Do you know how stupid you sound right now??!
Y/n: Okay, okay, I’m coming, I’ll get dressed. 
Vox: You better.
You sigh, scrolling through the messages. The shapewear underneath your unnecessarily expensive dress makes you sweat even more than you already were due to your nerves. Besides you, Velvette side-eyes you before rolling her eyes, whipping out a hand held fan and fanning your face with it. “Are you an idiot?! You better not stain that dress, it’s one of my prized collection pieces after all.” 
You nod quickly, muttering a soft apology. You take the fan from her and fan yourself. You take a deep breath in, blowing it out slowly. The car stops and the driver steps out to open the door for you and Velvette. Valentino and Vox are outside with showy smiles. Velvette exits before you with a confidence that you wish you had. 
You place the fan Velvette gave you on the car seat and step outside. The lights from the multitude of flashing lights nearly blind you. Vox grabs onto your arm and has you hold onto him. You use your other hand to tug uncomfortably at your dress, trying to find some relief from the tightness. “Stop touching it.” Vox tells you with a stern voice, but in contrast wears a dazzling smile. You do as he says. 
Vox leads you through the cameras and over to reporters. You bite your lip, uncomfortable. Vox feels your subconscious tug at his arm and he looks at you with a tilt of his head. “Vox, maybe I could go inside? I just spoke to reporters last week, so I’m sure they have nothing to ask me.” Vox’s smile widens, but there is strong annoyance in his eyes as he looks down at you. You know what that look means. Who do you think you are? Shut the fuck up and just look pretty. “Th-though of course, I suppose I should make myself available?” He nods, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. 
A microphone is shoved in your face. “Miss Y/n how is living at the Vee tower going? How does it feel to date the TV overlord?!”
Another one shoves the first microphone to the side. “Fuck off, I was here first Samantha. Y/n, are you wearing one of Velvette’s new dresses for summer? How does it feel to be so lucky to be close to some of the most powerful and influential Overlords in Hell?”
You open your mouth to try and reply to one question, when you are interrupted. “Do you even have your own thing going? Or are you gonna leech off the Vee’s forever?” Your eyes widen at that. “How does Vox stand you hanging off his arm all the time?!”
Vox responds smoothly, so used to the barrage of questions. He chuckles, “It just can’t be helped, Y/n loves accompanying me to these events and I just love indulging her.” He grins at the cameras, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and holding you closer. You don’t get a chance to reply to anything as Vox pulls you away and the reporters go to harass Valentino instead. 
You spend most of the night with Vox, but no words are exchanged between the two of you. He just wants you there for eye candy while he talks up other powerful figures. You are told repeatedly by other demons and overlords how fortunate you are to be loved by Vox, and doted on by the Vee’s. Valentino loved those comments the best, whispering about how he’d wish Vox would let him “dote” on you more. 
You sigh, “May I please go to the bathroom? I need a break.” Vox gives you and irked nod, but he releases his hold of your arm. You choose not to comment on it and rush off to the bathroom. It’s empty, thankfully, because the first thing you do is run into the first stall and dry-heave into the toilet, absolutely overstimulated. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and breathe heavily. Fuck. Walking over to the sink, you turn on the water and try to swish the taste of vomit off your tongue. 
Your phone buzzes with a notification; you don’t have to look to know who it’s from. 
Vox: Car’s outside. You can go. See you at home. 
You don’t need to be told twice. You plaster on your fake smile again and exit the bathroom, navigating your way through throngs of demons. You slip out and get inside the car, instructing the driver to take you back to the Vee Tower. 
*****
Back at the Vee Tower, you wash up after the night, finally taking off the uncomfortable dress. You lay down in the bed that you and Vox share, pulling the covers to your chin. You feel a bit like a failure, recounting Vox’s harsh words. Perhaps you weren’t good enough for him. Why did he stay with you? You feel tears threatening to shed. 
Just then, Vox enters the room and looks at you hiding under the covers. He sits on the end of the bed by your feet, gazing at you; you don’t look back. In all honesty, you hope that he just thinks you're asleep and will leave you alone. 
Vox was told by Velvette that you had been throwing up in the bathroom on your “break.” He knew that you didn’t really like the spotlight that much, and you definitely weren’t used to it. Plus, although the many rude questions thrown at you don’t seem terrible to him, he’s a showman at the end of the day. You however… were a bit more sensitive. It was one of the things like liked about you. He rubs your knee, hoping it will bring you some hint of comfort. It also makes him feel better about himself, too, easing the weird guilt he is unused to feeling. 
His mouth, on the contrary, says, “Oh c’mon it wasn’t even that bad. Why do you always have to be such a damn crybaby.” Yeah, because you being so overly stimulated that you vomited was totally not a big deal. He gets up and leaves for a moment. When he returns, you hear him set some items on your bedside night stand. You open your eyes slightly to see a glass of water, along with crackers, apple sauce, and nausea medication. Randomly, there is a singular rose, too. You look up at him and he sighs. “It’s seriously not even a big deal, you’re so fucking dramatic. I don’t know why I keep around.” He leans down and kisses the side of your forehead before leaving to change out of his suit. 
If you could answer the reporter’s question from earlier about how it feels to date the TV overlord… you’d say it feels pretty…confusing. 
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scrubbinn · 4 months
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Slime HRT Day 1: First Pages
I was told I should write down my experiences in this journal. I'm only really doing this because I was told I didn't have to share my writings with anyone except for emergencies, whatever that means. Today is the first day of my new life, and becoming something not human anymore.
I've seen a lot of social media about species HRT. I think it’s supposed to be “Human Removal Therapy”. There’s a lot of people online bashing it, and I'm sure someone is going to try and ban it eventually, but for right now it's pretty unrestricted. To be honest, I am fascinated by it. Becoming something inhuman seemed so, I don't know, cool I guess, but it felt distant, like it would never happen to me, or I'd be labeled a freak by my friends. It was only until my girlfriend brought it up in a passing conversation that I gained the courage to admit I was curious about it. She said I should go for it. The amount of joy I felt then and there was like a 20 ton weight had just exploded out of my chest, but in a good way! We spent the rest of the night talking about treatments and articles, I never felt so happy except then and there, to be seen like that.
My legs were shaking when I met with that doctor. I was told it was normal to be nervous, but it really felt like I was going to just have a breakdown the entire time we talked. There was a lot of psychological exams and way, WAY too much paperwork that basically said I was sure I would be happy and cool with going through with this process. The doctor was patient at least, though he was rude with how little he tried to hide the boredom of his job. Besides that, there was something about him that just made him feel like this was the last thing he wanted to do, the kind of man who’s a total pushover. We eventually got to the question I was dreading “what was I here for, what am I looking to be?” My voice just suddenly stop working right there. It's so funny how I saw an actual dragon on my way here and somehow my request seemed so much more ridiculous. That stupid doctor kept prying me to just tell him until my frustration surpassed my anxiety, and I was able to blurt out that I wanted to be a slime.
I don't know when or why, but I've always liked the idea of slimes. It's their fluidity I think. Being able to morph myself the way I want whenever I want. I mean, how can I trust I'll be happy with my body shape everyday when I can't even pick a favorite color. I spent so much time writing out my own ideas of how their biology worked, or creating a bunch of slime girls for stories I never finished writing. It took me a while to realize I wanted to be just like them, like how it took me a while to realize I wanted to be a girl too.
I thought I'd get laughed out of his office, I mean I've seen the photos and stories of people on slime HRT but it just felt different, like I was going one step too far, I was probably just super anxious, I felt so relieved when he just showed me a list of slime variants instead of laughing. There were so many different options on the list, slimes made of just gel, sap, wax, and there were so many different colors, but that was the problem, they all felt right, I wanted to be any of them.
It was so selfish to ask, but I needed to know if a slime that could change color was possible, or something that could truly transform into any kind of slime. He asked what I meant, if I was looking into becoming a shapeshifter. I shook my head no and said I wanted something like a chameleon. He took off his glasses and pinched his nose, like the weight of every request he ever had just hit him. We, kind of, argued for a while. Well it was him telling me all the different reasons it wouldn’t work or how some people had set up safe LED strips to become a slime strobe globe of different colors, but for some reason it was the one thing I didn’t want to budge on. The one thing I was certain I wanted was that I wouldn’t be certain about my final choice. I was actually ready to just punch this old man until he suddenly folded to my demands and told me he'd need time to make a new variant for something like that. Something about a membrane and chromatophores I think. He also stated, bluntly, that I still needed to pick the type of slime. Being able to switch from red to blue is one thing but there needs to be a base. 
There were a lot of good options, to the point it took me an hour to go through everything and just think about it. I was probably pushing him a bit too close to his next appointment with how long I was searching through options. It certainly makes me wonder how anyone can just know the answer right away. Eventually I had to settle on one and chose the soap variant. I was told it wasn’t actual soap, but it smelled nice and helped deal with germs. I’m not a germaphobe but I like the idea of smelling nice all the time.
After that, I was told I would be contacted eventually when my medication was ready. The wait could be best be described as brutal. There were a lot of calls I made only for me to be told it wasn’t ready yet. I thought I got scammed, like I went to the wrong place and that quack doctor was just faking everything and I wouldn't ever get to be the real me. The most I got was a message once a month saying the research was going well, if I was lucky. 
It was about a year when I got a call back from him, explaining that my medication was ready. I'll be honest, I thought he wouldn't have ever completed it and just stole $600 out of my bank account for a single appointment. I have it now though, a bottle of gel capsules. They taste awful, like shoving soap into my mouth, which makes sense thinking about it. Apparently I won't need to take my normal hormone medication after a bit. Which is good because it's really expensive to pay for both. I guess that concludes my thoughts on the first day. The doc wants me to keep writing down my physical changes but also that I write down my emotional state as well. I don't really get why that’s so important, but whatever, it’s the least I can do if I finally get to be the slime girl I always wanted to be. I can't wait to see how I turn out.
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Next
Thank you for reading through this story. While I’m sure it’s obvious, this is a story inspired by @ayviedoesthings own Dragon HRT as well as @welldrawnfish Fish HRT. I’ve loved these stories ever since they first came out. But I never felt like I had a story of my own to write until I read @sandyca5tle own slime HRT. Please check out all these people’s stories if you haven’t already, and thank you to sandyca5tle for really lighting the fire in me that made me want to try my hand at this sort of thing. I have plans to continue this for a while, not sure how long it’ll be but I want to be able to write a new segment at least one post every one to two weeks. I hope you enjoyed this, and please let me know if you have any advice on how to improve my writing. Thank you so much for reading all this, seriously, it means the world to me. 
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beanghostprincess · 8 months
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Silly goofy wild and funky idea:
Transman Crocodile who transitioned via Ivankov.
Cross Guild events and Cross Guild Poly where Buggy finally gets the nerve to come out to her two lieutenants and also boyfriends. Mihawk just blinks like "yes? Your Haki is distinctly feminine, so this makes perfect sense. Oh, dear why are you crying, stop that-" meanwhile Crocodile has to bite back every single we traded genders joke and instead just shrugs, going "I quite literally could not be paid to give a fuck. You know I'm bisexual, this changes little, Clown."
Croc does off hand offer to hook Buggy up with Iva if that's smth she's interested in, tho.
Meanwhile Sanji has come out to the Strawhats as a transwoman as well, and the reactions are much more dramatic but no less supportive - if anything, some may be too supportive /hj ((Franky calls her queen and sis and Hawt Mama, Chopper already began working on ways to synthesize estrogen Just In Case, Luffy could not be made to give a single fuck, Ussop is swooning, Zoro informs her that this changes nothing and he'll still kick her ass, Robin offers her congratulations, Nami is already mathing out adding another bed in the girls' room or making a room JUST for Sanji and Ussop to share, Brooke waits 0.006783259 seconds before asking to see undies, just everyone being supportive and stupid))
This leads to Ivankov getting two separate contacts for their services, and so they arrange to meet at a small-ish island to help both, two birds, one stone :)).
Both crews go full Spiderman meme when they come across each other, and Iva handles it with all the gentility of a bull in a china shop, whisking both ladies away while the rest are left just plain gaping and awkwardly avoiding eye contact or completely oblivious to the tension (cough cough LUFFY).
Insert your own silly ideas here, generally.
But when they come back, Mihawk, Crocodile and Ussop are all just absolutely SWOONING for different reasons, full of Respect Woman Juice and I Love My Wife energy, it's adorable and cute and funny.
((Bonus: Luffy calls Buggy auntie without hesitation, and she almost cries even as she punches him over the head))
THIS IS SO CUTE SELJKFNSFLEFNLNDFDLKNSDLK
Okay, so, my thoughts on this. Crocodile having to hold back the 'we traded genders' joke is so damn real and I laughed SO hard. Love him. So true. And transfem Buggy lives in my mind rent free so this is just perfect because I absolutely love her. She's my beloved. She'd be so anxious about it and cry and Mihawk and Crocodile are like-- So done with her because she's acting stupid and dramatic and of course they're going to still want her. And she's crying and they're rolling their eyes and patting her head at the same time. Poor thing. She needs comfort okay??
And,, Transfem Sanji coming out is always so beautiful in my head. She's been battling her gender issues for AGES and now she feels comfortable enough to come out to the crew. She's anxious but she knows she has to do this now or she never will. And it's-- It's so real to me. The way she would explain everything that happened to her back in Momoiro Island and then say that she's actually a girl. And everyone's quiet because they know she's looking at Luffy only right now, expecting an answer from her captain. And Luffy is just like "??? Okay? You're still my cook. So who cares? You seem happier now!" and that is when Sanji starts crying. Because of course she's crying. And of course, Usopp is the one to hug her first because that's his girlfriend and she needs a hug and forehead kisses right now. But they have 0 privacy because Luffy wants hugs too. I mean. Obviously.
Franky is loud af and he's SOBBING while he screams how proud he is of their cook (I've always said Franky feels like a girldad because just look at how he interacts with Nami. And he's sooooooooo loving Sanji right now). Robin would be so so proud too and would say she's happy for her and smile in the sweetest of ways (Robin please adopt me). I think Chopper would also ask a lot of questions before making estrogen, just in case, but then he'd go and try to make it right away. Nami hugs Sanji but the sweet moment doesn't last long because she's already telling Franky her ideas for a bigger, better room for the girls or!!! "Better!!!!!! A room for Sanji and Usopp so we don't have to deal with them!!!!!! But also make the girl's room bigger because I say so!!!!!!". Zoro says he doesn't give a fuck because he will still kick her ass but he's secretly happy that she looks more relaxed and comfortable in her skin. Brook is Brook and he says his Brook thing about panties but I think Sanji would kick him having the best gender affirmation moment of her fucking life. And Jinbe is just the cutest because I think he'd laugh at the chaotically sweet situation and say that strength comes from being happy with yourself and Sanji is the strongest for being so brave and true to herself (he be saying poetic and cute shit like that and he expects me not to absolutely love him. Dad behavior. I am SO sure he would beat the shit out of anybody who misgendered Sanji. But that's what any Strawhat would do, so,,,).
They go see Iva (Iva my beloved) and they're all,, So uncomfortable,, Buggy acts overconfident and says she's perfectly fine and not scared at all of what Iva's going to do to her body (liar. She's scared af and Crocodile and Mihawk know so they keep scaring her even more because it's funny to see their girlfriend crying. Look. The fact that they're soft and dating doesn't mean they're not gonna bully her). And Sanji has smoked like two fucking boxes of cigarettes already despite saying that she doesn't care about it (she has never been more excited in her entire life) and she's holding Usopp's hand so hard she's going to break it at some point. Anyway, Iva is a dramatic bitch and they make Sanji and Buggy come with them to a more private place because they want it to be a surprise for everyone (drama queen. Love them. I would do it too. Trust the process, girls, you're in good hands). So Cross Guild and the Strawhats end up alone and waiting for their girls to come back. And. Yeah. Uncomfortable. Zoro looks at Mihawk at some point and goes:
Zoro: I thought you were gay. Mihawk: I swing both ways. Usopp: Actually, you swing sword- Mihawk: Awful. Shut up. Don't ever speak to me again. Don't even look at my direction, actually. Roronoa, why is your crew like this? Zoro: It was really funny, though. Mihawk: I wish to not partake in this conversation anymore. Everyone just shut up and wait. ............. Luffy: Hey, guys, do you think Sanji's going to have bigger boobs than Zor- Nami: OH MY GOD LUFFY YOU CAN'T SAY THAT Luffy: BUT I'M CURIOUS Zoro: Yeah, she's going to ask for the biggest of boobs only to piss me off because she's annoying like that. Mihawk: Why would you even care about your breast size, Roronoa? Crocodile: Tsk. You care about mine. Usopp: OH MY GOD SJKFNSKDEWKFJNJKSFN
Okay, so Sanji and Buggy eventually come back. Finally. And they were gorgeous before but now they're even more beautiful because they actually look extremely happy with their bodies. I want to describe how I see them but just check @/vongulli's account and see their fem Buggy because she kills me every time and that's the only way I can see fem Buggy now. And Sanji to me looks like @/sibmakesart's fem Sanji. This artist made a nude fem Sanji not long ago and I loved it,, So much,, ANYWAY!!!!!! Getting carried away.. Thinking about women. It's not my fault I'm a lesbian. But they look perfect and they're comfortable and happy. And Sanji's boobs are surprisingly not huge and Zoro makes a comment about that but Sanji is like:
Sanji: WHAT????? YOU ONLY SEE ME AS A BOOB-OBSESSED GIRL OR WHAT? Literally everyone at the same time: Yes. Sanji: Well, for your information- Usopp: She likes thighs more Sanji: Usopp, don't tell them- Iva: And also, my dears, that is not how my power works Zoro: So you did ask for big boobs and you couldn't have them Sanji: I'm going to kill you and wearing heels it's going to hurt even more Usopp: Is it weird that I'm kind of turned on right now? Nami: ...Haha Usopp: Are you okay? Nami: Hey, Usopp, I- Usopp: You can't fuck her Nami: I swear I can't have anything!!! What do you have against lesbians??? Usopp: YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY??? Nami: I dunno, yes??
Crocodile and Mihawk are having... A moment. They will still bully her and they're sure she's going to look extremely pretty crying and whining but right now she deserves to be worshipped because just look at her. Buggy approaches them and she's like "If you laugh I'm going to throw knives at you and then leave Cross Guild and!! And!! And I'm going to be really mad so pleasedon'tlaughireallylikethispleasedon'truinit" and they look at her with the fondest of looks (but gotta be honest, they're so horny right now it's unbearable. Like yes, happy wife happy home happy everything but also happy dick because just look at her). Crocodile is just frowning and genuinely asks "Why would we laugh? You look stunning, dear" and Mihawk follows with "I must say I'm not surprised, since you've always looked beautiful. But you look... More satisfied with yourself." And Buggy has to hold back the tears and that's why she starts saying things like "Pffft. Yeah! I knew I'd be gorgeous like this too! Now I look even flashier!" and y'know, the two men are letting her have her moment because now she looks even better and they can't stop staring at her. So maybe she's right this time when she fakes confidence.
Usopp and Nami need a second to process everything, I think. Also, they both hit Brook at the same time when he's about to ask Sanji the question™. Nami is having a lesbian moment, but of course Sanji realizes and does her Sanji thing like opening her mouth and speaking:
Sanji: Nami-swaaan!!! Do you like how I look now??? Nami, ignoring her and whispering to herself: Disgusting. I hate this. Zoro: At the end of the day it's just curly, huh? Nami: I was thinking with my dick. Zoro: Yeah. Happens. Been there.
So, Usopp and Sanji finally get their moment together because at least the Strawhats are respectful enough to give them their sweet uhhhh two minutes before they start complimenting Sanji. So that's something! Sanji is confident with her body but is a bit shy and isn't sure what Usopp will think about this. Not that she has changed much, even, but, you know. Just different. In a good way for her! But different. And Usopp approaches her slowly and smiling and he's just so so so happy. And he's like "You look gorgeous!" / "... Really? I wasn't sure whether you'd like it-" / "I will always like you! But more importantly, do you like you?" / "I mean- Weird phrasing, but yes. Yes? I think so. Yes." / "Then that's all that matters." And Sanji really, really doesn't want to cry because she has never cried in front of the whole crew. She just can't help it. But Usopp knows she doesn't like it when others see her cry so he quickly wipes her tears away and when she starts laughing (so so happy and full of love) Usopp just needs to kiss her.
Meanwhile, Luffy is there calling Buggy auntie and asking when she's going to tell Shanks about this. She keeps saying she will never tell him and if he wants to find out, he'll do it through her new wanted poster or whatever, but not from her.
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suhkusa · 1 month
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!! tw: anxiety attack
“Y/N?”
The voice pulls you out from your thoughts. It’s Coach Foster. You realize you haven’t paid attention to the past couple of points. 
You’re going to get in trouble.
You feel lightheaded as you grip tighter onto your pen, watching the match and continuing to jot down notes for the coach. You don’t know how many notes he’s expecting you to take. Don’t know if they’re supposed to be detailed, analytical, or just basic observations. You try to give a combination, but in turn scribble out a lot of the notes because they looked jumbled.
It’s the first time in a while that you’ve been this nervous. Usually you’re able to bury your anxiety and ignore it, but this time it’s actively affecting you. And it’s annoying.
Constantly checking your phone to see if Asu has replied to you is damaging your work ethic. It’s distracting. He said he’d be there ASAP, didn’t he? It’s just your luck that he isn’t here when you really needed it.
It’s getting warm. Hot, even. You’re not even layered up on clothes but you can feel your hands getting clammy around your clipboard and pen. 
You needed to get out of here. 
You’re anxious as you turn to the coach, even more so when you realize he and the co-coach are 100% locked into the game. It’s a practice match and you’re here trembling like a baby.
How embarrassing.
“Coach,” your voice doesn’t feel like your own, “Can- I mean may I go on lunch a little early, I feel lightheaded,”
His face scrunches up in worry, you made him worry.
“Yeah of course, be sure to drink water and let us know if you need anything,”
You just give him a curt nod before dropping your clipboard onto the benches and heading outside.
When you check the time you get scared, you couldn’t have waited 5 more minutes huh, Y/N? 
The cool breeze envelopes you as you step outside. Breaths you didn’t even know you were holding were coming out one after another. At first, they were normal and organized but then they suddenly became erratic and uncontrolled. Fuck, not now.
You collapse against a nearby bench as panic swallows you whole. You’re stupid, why are you even freaking out so bad? This is embarrassing, humiliating. You want to go home.
What even made you think this internship would be easy? They’re a D1 college volleyball team, did you really think it’d be fine and dandy? Another example of your dumb decisions getting you into a mess.
You’re not reliable at all.
Your vision is blurry with tears and you force your head down towards your lap immediately. God, just stop crying already.
You just love to make everyone worry about you, don’t you?
“Y/N,”
You jump at the voice, your breathing, tears and movements halting all at once. Fuck.
You’re swallowing back the lump in your throat, blinking away the tears and taking a deep breath before continuing, “Yeah?”
When you finally look up, fear washes over you as you’re basically face to face with Sakusa Kiyoomi.
So pitiful.
“Are you okay?”
You always hate when people ask that. Especially when you’re obviously not. It just makes you self conscious and think about why you were upset in the first place. 
Thankfully, the tears were slow as they fell, and while your breaths were still uncontrollable, they were definitely calmer.
His eyes widened and you’re nervous for what he’s about to say. He’ll probably just scold you again.
“Hey,” he’s squatting down to your level, “deep breaths, Y/N,”
Sakusa breathes deeply inwards then out, gesturing for you to follow his lead. You do.
Weirdly enough it helps.
“I noticed you were nervous earlier,” he noticed? Did others? “What happened?”
“I—” you don’t know. Not really, anyways. Sakusa notices your hesitance. 
“You don’t have to say if you’re uncomfortable,”
“Sorry, I’m just scared that- that I’m not good at this job. This internship plus my exams plus homework, it- it’s too much,” you take another deep breath, “You were right, I shouldn’t have signed up for this— I’m so stupi—”
“Don’t,” your eyes meet again, this time he looks so concerned, the authenticity scares you, “I didn’t mean what I said— I was an asshole, alright? You’re doing great, Coach was going over your notes before he released us for lunch and said they were so much more than he expected,” 
“Liar—”
“I’m serious,” Sakusa says, “and this is all new to you, of course it’ll be hard to balance but I know you’ll get used to it. It’s temporary, just remember that. Just a semester and you can go back to how it was,”
It’s scary how much his words reassure you. You didn’t even realize you had calmed down until now. 
“I’m sorry, that was embarrassing,” you laugh off the awkwardness, wiping at your eyes, “Sorry you had to see that,”
“Don’t apologize,” he stands up, attention still focused on you, “Why don’t you come inside? Everyone was wondering where you were,”
Taking one last deep breath, you stand up with a smile, “Alright, after you,”
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SECRET ALLIANCE — BREATHE
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NOTES.
y/n has been staying up late without telling anyone to study
she had a job in her freshman year but quit within a month because it was too much
she knows she shouldn’t be, but she’s a bit upset at Asu
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© all writings belongs to suhkusa 2024. do not repost or change.
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