#in relation to themselves
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very weird in any given setting to be known as "the gay one," because i'd really identify as queer but in non-queer spaces that mostly gets reduced to wlw, which in turn generates a whole host of assumptions around my (personal) preferences and politics and (un)desirability, which inevitably has overlaps with my ethnic identity, which may or may not go articulated, and all of these things snowball into "we're about to see if people are real cool about a lot of things real quick"
#queer things#like. i personally don't feel necessarily endangered most of the time.#in academic and adjacent spaces i don't anticipate bodily violence#in non-academic spaces i am...aware that things could go a few ways wrt harm and sometimes i'm not given the choice and get outed.#but yeah. being the token gay is a weird positioning.#and the assumptions ppl make about me are...very telling!#even as they are kind of uncomfortable because no one really says the same direct shit to straight ppl#also lmao i have been asked ''what are you'' by like. three? ppl since getting here.#which in racial/ethnic terms isn't...great...but i also get they're trying to place me#in relation to themselves#being mixed and having ppl ping you as ''not white'' but also not being able to clock WHICH formation of not white is always a time#like it's either ''how precisely do i hate-crime you'' or it's ''how likely do i think you are to hate-crime ME''#depending on who's asking#pero like also sometimes it's both!
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[dbhc flavored] Hermit A Day May ‘25, Day 25: Beefers!!
The left doodle technically takes place during the Empires Crossover, but it’s not happening in the crossover itself so I didn’t label it as such… oh xBcrafted s9 Freakout you will always be famous to me…
#Dbhc#dbhc art#dbhc s9#dbhc empires crossover#I guess I’ll tag it that way just Bc it’s wrapped up in crossover-related events… organization and such#Dbhc beef#Dbhc xb#hermitcraft au#xbcrafted#vintagebeef#IM CATCHING UP… I’M DOING IT#zed just needs to be colored and I have plenty of time to do skizz today…. I believe. I believe…#Hermitadaymay#hermitaday#Hadm 25#hermit a day may#art escapades#BWUGH poor xb :<#Can’t wait to get into all of that#You’ll notice If you look at last year’s hadm for hypno I retconned the side doodle#Bc i decided it would be really funny if hypno and wels end up in tumble town#This does however. Leave xb alone <3 which has no negative consequences whatsoever#Clearly#he has a normal time trust#to all of the nonexistent people who were worrying themselves over wether or not Kerilson would be canon to dbhc: dw. it’s much worse#Beef is so special to xb in s9 (insert pathetic emote) It makes me want to curl up#Beefersss#GOTTA PUT HIM IN A COOL BUTTON UP#HE;S OUTSIDE IN DA SUN DOING ALL THOSE MAPS!!! can;t be in his signature sweater#too hot
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Personal shit but the more I work in security related fields like bouncing and surveillance and childminding and sex ed, stuff like that, the more I find myself compulsively intervening with situations I encounter in my off time and I’m beginning to feel like being the hypervigilant and paranoid parentified eldest child prepped me for this life like one of those retired service dogs that just keeps doing service dog stuff
Like not to pathologize shit cause my therapist told me not to but I genuinely do wonder if I’d be capable of surviving like. A white collar desk job. Or if I’d just lose my mind without a group to watch
#I tried just not doing supervision and safety related stuff for a while and literally descended into an aggressive neurotic agoraphobe#I think if I was a dog I’d be a Great Pyrenees#Our farm dogs would just run themselves into the ground if we let them#But it was kind of just how they were#We trained them not to jump on people or bite hands and they did everything else themselves#Just sorta naturally inclined to babysit everything#Idk
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Uzas, again.
#Hm this community has no love for me-#and I'm not a huge fan of being in any fandom!#art#drawing#digital art#digital drawing#40k#the night lord trilogy#night lords uzas#the night lords#night lords#artists on tumblr#fanart#warhammer#wh40k#warhammer 40000#adeptus astartes#space marines#chaos marines#chaos space marines#background is from Posession#I keep on think#I think to myself maybe this will be my last 40K related post and I'll no longer engage with people who dedicate themselves to pissing me o#yet again and again I see that I want my art to be seen. The fact it has to be you is only a lesser evil. I still hate you.#But i love these charachters and I've learnt to love myself enough to forget there's an audiance of people who want less from art.
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heartbreak
#fallen hero#fallen hero rebirth#fhr heartbreak#heartbreak#interactive fiction#choice of games#fhr#art#the heartbreak incident#idk what to tag this as... whatever#*25#mine#this was interesting to do bc of like. the clashing vibes of the hb incident#like it all happened on a clear and sunny day. in an office building downtown. and it wasnt even a 'visible incident' like the nanosurge#like it was just a clear and sunny day and people were suddenly overcome w/ despair and killed themselves. how relatable#cw gif#in case youre on mobile bc this one's almost 10mb....
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Reverse Nerd!AU in which Asuka is a fictional character and Rei is a diehard weeb who makes her their entire personality
#asurei#girlfailure rei realness#now all I need to do is make each AU meet each other#<- world-shattering implications#their tamagotchi keeps dying bc rei can never take care of it#they self insert themselves as shinji when watching#not cuz they relate to him but bc asuka beats him up#rei also thinks all other nge fans are complete losers except them & doesnt interact w the fandom besides hate-reading OOC asuka fics#I can’t believe this took me 5 months to finish oh my god#college is a scary thing#nge#neon genesis evangelion#eva#rei ayanami#ayanami rei#evangelion#asuka#asuka langley#asuka langley soryu
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this is what we are, and we will not be changed you can look for unseen order, you're gonna find that chaos reigns we will not be saved
#chonny jash#cccc#art#it was meant to be vague at first who it's supposed to be until I dipped everything in ff0000 red#can you all pretend it's still ambiguous who it is. thanks everyone#lyrics are from 'Your Temporary Custodian' by John Congleton & The Nighty Nite#fitting song for any human being. therefore it is a very fitting for HMS to me#because they're so painfully human to me. even if they (try to) separate themselves from it#they may present themselves in fantastical or metaphorical ways but at their core they're still a human being#you went looking for the sublime but you find only the inane <- paraphrased quote from the song referenced#speaking of I didn't mean to post two The Paper Chase-related art pieces in a row. that's just how it turned out#but that's okay because I like John Congleton's music. severely underrated
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one of the wild things about people’s stubborn insistence on misunderstanding The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas is that the narrator anticipates an audience that won’t engage with the text, just in the opposite direction. Throughout the story are little asides asking what the reader is willing to believe in. Can you believe in a utopia? What if I told you this? What about this? Can you believe in the festivals? The towers by the sea? Can we believe that they have no king? Can we believe that they are joyful? Does your utopia have technology, luxury, sex, temples, drugs? The story is consulting you as it’s being told, framed as a dialogue. It literally asks you directly: do you only believe joy is possible with suffering? And, implicitly, why?
the question isn’t just “what would you personally do about the kid.” It isn’t just an intricate trolley problem. It’s an interrogation of the limits of imagination. How do we make suffering compulsory? Why? What futures (or pasts) are we capable of imagining? How do we rationalize suffering as necessary? And so on. In all of the conversations I’ve seen or had about this story, no one has mentioned the fact that it’s actively breaking the fourth wall. The narrator is building a world in front of your eyes and challenging you to participate. “I would free the kid” and then what? What does the Omelas you’ve constructed look like, and why? And what does that say about the worlds you’re building in real life?
#ursula k le guin#omelas#There are so many ideas in this story that simply do not get engaged with!#I’ve heard it argued that a central element of anarchism#as a political philosophy#is the expansion of the imagination: what is truly possible if we forget the structures we are raised in?#if we forget what we have been told is or is not possible?#le guin wasn’t an anarchist but her work is heavily inspired by anarchist thought#Also the idea that the compassion of citizens of omelas is possible only because they are able to see themselves in relation and contrast t#the kid#very interesting stuff there#arguably a searing critique of moderate liberals#who feel compassion from on high but rationalize the ways in which those who suffer cosmically deserve it#in order to maintain structures of suffering#This short story is breaking the fourth wall Constantly to grab you by the collar and ask#what do you think is possible in the world and what do you think is good and what do you think is necessary#If you want to free the kid then what! What does that mean!#ALSO if omelas is a place being constructed as an idea#are the ones who walk away meant to be literally deserting a place#or are they rejecting an idea#hmmm much to think about
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3.10 | 6.22 ⤷ Bangel + Dying, being brought back to life because they have a calling, and being disillusioned because of it.
#btvsedit#buffy the vampire slayer#buffyverse#bangel#buffy x angel#buffy summers#angel btvs#atvs#*gif#parallels#zanisummers#usernaj#dailybtvs#buffysource#bangeledit#otp: how's forever?#this is why Angel specifically is so well equipped to understand exactly how Buffy was feeling in season 6#and although this was a painful experience for them both#I love that this is another thing that they share and can relate to each other on an intimate level#it's like how do you keep fighting when you don't know what you're even fighting for anymore#and it all comes back to “strong is fighting it's hard and painful and it's everyday it's what we have to do and we can do it together”#and these two have to reteach themselves this concept over and over but they always circle back to it#because they're simple extraordinary heroes#also the whole heaven/hell slayer/vampire thing that they always have going on#and how that's what keeps them apart but also what makes them fit together so well?#will never stop loving everything about them
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So if this isn't a dream or an AU it's pretty safe to assume that the LIs have been altered in some way. Something is clearly off, and not just with their actions but their appearance and manner (for example the dilated pupils, Sylus showing off his tongue I felt so uncomfortable during that part help this isn't you babe,). As spelled out by the dwindling sanity meter they've lost their marbles and the fucking plot, so to speak. And with this, they've also lost control and pose as real threats to MC.
So... can you imagine how devastated they'll be when they are snapped out of their insanity and are hit by the realization that they tried to do harm to their beloved? Their soulmate? The one person in the world that they treasure above all else? The same girl that they'd all burn the whole world down for if it meant her survival?
They've dedicated their lives to protecting her. They've used their own bodies to shield her from danger.
It'll be soul crushing to realize that this time they were the danger.
#my toxic trait is that i always look at things from angsty angles and then feel the need to share it 😔 i'm sorry for being the way i am#i know mc is a badass and that they know it as well#but that's beside the point#these men would rather off themselves than attempt to harm her in the slightest#she means *everything* to them and they all have deep trauma related to her in some shape or form#so this... this would crush them#love and deepspace#lads#lads mc#lads sylus#lads zayne#lads rafayel#lads xavier#lads caleb
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Mindscape, based on this post I made weeks ago
The yellow light is Flapjack's life force 😭😭😭😭
#toh hunter#the owl house#hunter noceda#hunter deamonne#smol hunter#toh edits#loz's edits#putting therapist-related notes here in the tags: Understanding Willow is my fave Season 1 episode --#coz exploring mindscapes..seeing your inner selves - esp the inner child - is a metaphor for something you can absolutely do in therapy#so this scene can easily be something that Hunter's therapist is guiding him through. in his imagination#it might not necessarily require the use of the same spell that Eda or the CaTTs used to enter Willow and Belos's mindscapes#and besides - for those episodes..other people were exploring their mindscapes. so this is different I guess#it could easily be a therapy exercise to connect to his inner child#and note: this is different from EMDR therapy as per my EMDR-related Hunter posts. this could be under a diff style of therapy --#such as Internal Family Systems (IFS therapy)#if it's EMDR...then it'd likely involve both Hunter's therapist & him exploring his memories. Hunter reports to the therapist what he sees#and the therapist would not be allowed to interpret the memories by himself/herself/themselves#his/her/their job in EMDR would be to reflect whatever Hunter shares back at him and guide him towards integrating traumatic memories
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I fear Nico di Angelo and Regulus Black are the same people
#losing siblings#being perceived as evil#tempted by “dark” forces because your related to them#isolating themselves#etc etc#nico di angelo#regulus black#bianca di angelo#sirius black#nico and bianca#sirius and regulus#black brothers#black brother angst#marauders#marauder era#dead gay wizards#harry potter#hp marauders#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#heros of olympus#pjo hoo toa
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The fic is actually just another way for me to post about kill-a-time-traveller!papyrus but I get to make it cooler and better because i love him. im the owner of that theory now im too insane over it and nobody does it like i do /j Guards!! Paranoia and identity issues!!! ACTIVATE!!!!!!!
#vv TAG RAMBLE! vv#utdr#papyrus undertale#undertale#every day i think about characters protecting themselves by hiding behind a persona they need but don't want. IT KILLS ME OKAY????#i wanna balance struggling to relate to your past self and seeing them as a different person/actively curating how people see you--#--WITHOUT making it feel like ''ohh he's a completely different person secretly" like the video implies (booo)... hopefully i make it work#[chanting to myself] i can make things for myself even if they are cringe and mid i CAN and i SHOULD#the papyrus oar-like fic#art out the oven#[scheduled]
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Dan and Phil: *Going on one of the busiest legs of TIT after taking a well deserved holiday break with radio silence online*
Also Dan and Phil: Side quest time!


#do I realize that they didnt fully schedule these things themselves#and also collabing while travelling/on tour not unheard of for youtubers?#yes I do.#however I was fully expecting not to hear any non-TIT related things from DnP except for like WDAPTEO and maybe one gaming video#until like at least Feb 9th#dan and phil#phan#amazingphil#daniel howell#phil lester
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idk, i think there's something very sweet about how, despite shadowgast being canon for years now, despite both matt and liam saying shit like "don't take a blacklight to any room in their cottage," despite the open & near-desperate flirting and pining that we watched unfold over countless hours, fans still get so excited over essek knowing of bren, of essek asking after caleb (and the mighty nein) as seth, of essek speaking zemnian, of caleb & essek's casting being influenced by the others', by them calling each other their partner, etc.
#i think i remember seeing a tweet a while ago about how it's obvious when fans / fandoms don't actually care about the characters just#the ship & while i'm not sure how someone could sit through critical role & not care about the characters in general but especially when#they're in relation to a couple i'm sure it happens but a lot of the love - if not most of it - for shadowgast is#also so obviously the love for the characters themselves & it's just fun to see#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#for seth talking to keyleth i guess? just to be sure#shadowgast#critical role#**
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drew this bc because i hate sitting thru chapel
#im aware theyre jewish#lemme cook okay#first image is symbolic of how they see themselves#not as they truly are morally#wait maybe i could do a mini analysis of my own art here#i chose their younger selves to represent here mostly because old stan looked dumb af in that devil costume#and ford also looked funny like that#and it wasnt rlly suitable for the tone of the piece i was going for#it’s representative of the first cracks forming in their teenage years#theyre facing away from each other#ford has his eyes closed as he aims upwards#while stan is grounded and intentionally uncomfortable#eyes towards ford#its the childlike beginnings of ford’s god complex and stan’s self-demonisation#gravity falls#stan pines#stanford pines#stanley pines#ford pines#yay#my art#also the triangle is supposed to somewhat look like a spotlight#but also yknow related to bill#yes its a mother mother problems lyric#because i think problems kinda fits stan LOL#wow loads of tags
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