#in the purge I’m coming straight to you

[darkmxgician]

Said & Done- Part 1

After meeting an alluring stranger you fall fast, not realising that he’s about to pull you back in to the dangerous world you’ve tried so hard to escape from.

pairing: fem!reader x noah. tags: swearing, just fluff here

word count: 1.6k

story song: burning out

taglist: @sorrowsofsilence @angelsdevils @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @montgomery-929496. lmk if you want to be added to the taglist

18+ below the cut

I wake up covered in sweat. The last embers of my nightmare tugging me into a sense of fear and dread. I couldn’t tell what was real and my fight or flight started to kick in. Adrenaline began to course through my body, making me aware of every shadow in my dark bedroom. Sleep definitely wasn’t going to come to me again anytime soon, so I pulled myself out of bed and changed into my gym clothes. Rushing to get away from the silence of my home. Stepping out into the cool night air was blissful on my sweat soaked skin and I savoured it whilst I walked to my car. The streets were quiet during the drive, my ancient car stereo playing the mixtape I had in earlier, I’d listened to it so many times it just faded into the background. Thankfully the gym is always empty at 3am, I chose this specific gym for that reason, even though it’s further from my house. I had already gotten a workout in today, but the dreams that haunt me always leave me feeling restless, with a need to purge some of the energy from my system. I use my keycard to get in as reception is closed, I usually make a beeline for the weights and then follow that with a quick run on the treadmill, but tonight feels different. I need to hit something, so I make my way up the stairs, the rooms above the main floor have various equipment, and I head straight for the one with the punching bags. 

I push open the double doors and stop in my tracks. I’ve never come across anyone else here at this time before, but my luck has just run out. And it’s not just anyone, it’s the tall dark stranger who has been watching me since I started coming here over a year ago. Give by sleep token is blasting from a speaker as he does push ups with one arm behind his back. He looks up at me, through his sweat drenched hair that shields the full force of his beauty. He stops and slowly, gracefully pushes himself up so he’s kneeling, his depthless brown eyes locked on me, assessing me. My mouth goes dry, I’ve never seen him this close before, I can’t help but study the tattoos that adorn his shoulders, arms, his bare chest, and even his neck. He continues to look at me, panting from his workout that I interrupted. My palms start to sweat, “s-sorry, there’s never usually anyone in here at this time” I stammer, as he raises a brow at my accent. The stranger stands in one smooth motion, and covers the space between us in two steps. Suddenly he’s towering over me, his large frame seems to suck all the light out of the room and I take a shaky breath and look up. He cocks his head to one side, his wet hair following the movement, “don’t you usually workout during the day?”. His American accent was rich and deep, I could feel the bass from his voice in my very bones. I stopped shying away from his stare and looked up, “I-I couldn’t sleep. I need to burn off some, energy, before I can even attempt it again”, cursing myself for stuttering I manage to keep my eyes on his, the intensity of his gaze making my stomach do backflips, I couldn’t help but smile at the stranger. And when he smiled back, I knew I was done for. 

“I’m Noah”, he smiles down at me, “y/n” I reply. I’m having to stop myself from grinning, I’ve never felt this connected to someone I just met before. I could feel my cheeks starting to go red, I have to force myself to look away so he doesn’t notice. “You like sleep token?”, I nod to the speaker in the corner, listening to the intro to gods, at least I didn’t stutter again. I have to try and find neutral ground with the stranger. I need to know him, I feel drawn to him, like there’s a thread between our two bodies, pulling me in. I dare to look up when he doesn’t answer, and he’s just staring at me, his smile keeps getting brighter, his eyes almost glowing. I’ve been in here for all of five minutes and I’m losing it over a complete stranger, what is wrong with me? He reaches out and pushes my hair behind my ear, bringing his hand under my chin and forcing me to look up. “I thought you were beautiful from afar, y/n, but up close I can’t help but stare. You’re captivating”. We’re stood so close, his touch sending electric currents through my entire body. I lose every thought in my head. It’s not just physical attraction, and trust me, that’s there. If any other man had just said to that to me, I’d laugh in their face. Why did it make me want to swoon when he says it? I can’t help but lean into his touch, his hands are calloused, his fingers stroking my skin, so smooth in comparison. My eyes flutter shut at his caress and I almost purr, putting a hand on his chest for balance as I force my eyes open again. The music goes off and is replaced by a ringtone, interrupting our embrace. “Fuck”. Noah rests his forehand on mine for a moment, and he’s gone, sighing as he releases me. He stalks over to the speaker, grabbing his phone, “yeah. I told you, I’m at the gym. I can’t right now. For fuck sake, Nick. Yeah. I’ll be 10 minutes”. I realise I was watching and listening to his private conversion so I quickly pull my phone up. Opening the settings app so it looks like I’m scrolling and texting. “I have to go”, he makes his way back over to me and scoops by chin up again, more forceful this time. “I’ve wanted to meet you for a while y/n, and I believe something wanted us to cross paths tonight”, he takes a deep breath, “meet me here, same time tomorrow?”. I blink in shock, he wants to see me again? I try not to make a habit of coming to the gym at this time, but seeing him is all the motivation I need. “Okay, sure”, I smile up at him. “Good girl”, he replies, so quietly I almost miss it. I almost go slack. “Until tomorrow, y/n”, he places a light kiss on my forehead, grabs his belongings, and stalks out of the gym. What the fuck just happened?

The next day goes by agonisingly slow, I can’t concentrate on a thing. I keep checking my phone, even knowing in the blazing sunlight that it’s not 3am yet. I try to distract myself and keep busy, working on some unfinished paintings, reading, none of it works. I give in and go to my room, hoping to use sleep to carry me towards my time with Noah. 

I wake with a start, the alarm on my phone blaring next to me. 1AM. I gave myself enough time to make a little effort, working my hair into plaits and tying the ends in twin buns at the base of my skull. I curl my eyelashes and dab a small amount of concealer under my eyes, and rub in some lip liner and gloss on my lips. The time is passing too fast now, I put on my workout clothes and rush out to my car, feeling both nervous and excited.

The gym is quiet as usual, I presume Noah wants to meet in the workout room upstairs, so I make my way up. I try to slow my pace as I walk through the double doors, where 24 hours ago I met the strange man that has my heart racing. He’s sat cross legged on one of the mats on the floor, my eyes instantly find his as he looks up. “Y/n, you came”, my stomach does a flip at the sight of him, like my body forgot how beautiful he is, what he makes me feel. He strides over to me and pulls me into his arms, “I didn’t think you’d show”. I melt into him. Like I could just stay home, I’ve always been curious, and he’s alluring and mysterious, nothing could keep me from him. “I did tell you I would”, he chuckles at that and pulls back so he can look at me. All my nerves from last night have vanished, I feel confident enough to ask, “so why did you want me to come?”. My intrigue always getting the better of me. “I wanted to see you again, I thought maybe we could workout together?”. I raise my eyebrows at him. “Not like that” he chuckles again, “I’m not hitting on you, I just thought we could get to know each other whilst we train, I could use the company”. He looks sheepish at the omission. He wants me to train with him? He’s twice the size of me, both in height and width. How could I ever keep up? “I’d like that, but why me? Surely there’s plenty of guys here who could help you, who are more equipped than me”. I feel nervous again all of a sudden, I'm physically fit but there's no way I could be on the same level as him. My thoughts race, until he smirks at me, his eyes sweeping down my body, “but none who look like you, y/n”. And he grins again, as irresistible as last night. Who could say no to that? 

And so we begin. 

[iboatedhere]

This was the stupidest day on twitter I have ever seen.

[puckinghischier]

Locksmith - Nico Hischier

nico hischier x fem!reader, jack hughes x platonic!reader, luke hughes x platonic!reader

summary: reader has been friends with the hughes brothers for years, and when she finally arrives in Jersey to move in with her best friends, she finds herself locked out and stuck in the hallway, with only the neighbor to save her

notes: this is my first time ever writing ANYTHING, so this could be terrible. BUT it’s really only a peek at where i want the story to go so possible series if anyone actually wants to read it??? 🫣

part 2, part 3, part 4

[2.4k]

~

You know, three suitcases didn’t seem like enough when you were packing, but trying to roll three suitcases down the long, carpeted hallway is proving to be one of the most difficult tasks you’ve ever had to do in your life.

Seriously, the building didn’t look this long from the outside.

After a trek that felt like miles, you reach the door you’ve been scanning for, only to find it locked tight. “I swear to god I’m literally going to kill them,” you said to yourself, out loud. “They tell the doorman to let me in, have me bring all this luggage up by myself, only to leave the fucking door locked. Why did I expect anything less?”

Grabbing your phone, you dial Jack’s number, silently begging him to pick up. You know he’s at a charity thing with Luke, but surely he’s allowed to answer his phone, right? Wrong. His phone goes straight to voicemail, twice. Classic Jack. You know there’s not any point to calling Luke, he always leaves his phone during charity events in order to connect with the kids better. Usually you find that endearing and admirable, but right now you wish that he was maybe just a bit more selfish.

“Well, I guess I live in the hallway now. Hope the carpet is plush enough to sleep on.” You’ve always had a habit of talking out loud to yourself when you’re nervous or, in this case, annoyed. It helps you work through your thoughts and not dwell on anything for too long. Purges your emotions a bit.

“Trust me, it’s not. Speaking from experience here, you’d be much better off sleeping on the couches in the lobby” a voice startles you.

“Oh my god,” you jumped. You turned around to see the door to the apartment behind you wide open, a dark haired man leaning against the doorway, smile on his face.

“I- how long have you been standing there?” you asked, hand on your chest trying to calm your racing heart.

“Long enough to know you’re thinking about sleeping on the carpet, not long enough to know why,” he states, humor lacing his tone.

“Well, if you must know, my roommates left the door locked, no spare key, and won’t answer their phones. So, until they get home, the hallway is my new bedroom,” you surveyed the stranger.

He was tall, much taller than you were. He wore a simple white t-shirt, black sweatpants, and a backwards hat on his head, hiding what looked like hair that was in need of a trim based on how much it was spilling out the sides of the hat. But what made you stop in your tracks were his eyes. You don’t think you had ever truly understood the phrase ‘warm eyes’ until now. They were the most spectacular shade of brown you had ever seen in your life. And they were filled with amusement. Amusement directed towards you, since he had just heard you talking to yourself like a madwoman.

“Ahh, you must be Y/N! I thought Jack said you weren’t coming until tomorrow?” He asked, understanding washing over his face.

“I caught an earlier flight and was going to surprise them. However, Jack texted me earlier this morning and told me he and Luke had to go to a charity skate, so I had to tell them I was coming early. He told me he’d leave the door unlocked so I could go ahead and settle in, but, as you can see, they did not,” you explained, only slightly shocked Jack told his neighbor about you. That boy sure liked to talk, yapping anyone’s ear off who would listen.

“Well, lucky for you, I happen to have a spare key you can use,” the stranger tells you, walking out of your view for a brief moment.

“Should I be concerned that the neighbor has a spare key? Does he just go around handing out spares left and right?” you ask, starting to feel a bit awkward standing among all of your luggage.

“No, not exactly,” the man laughs. “He gave me a spare after one too many nights of me hauling him home from the bar only to realize he didn’t have his key with him.”

He walks out of his apartment, a small golden key in hand. The stranger, whose name you forgot to ask, unlocks the door and stands back with a warm smile on his face.

“There, you just got upgraded to a real bedroom,” he recalls, standing in the now open doorway.

“I would say thank you, but I’m still a little concerned that a strange man just had to let me into my own apartment,” you (semi) joke, attempting to gather your suitcases.

“I’m Nico,” he explains, taking the suitcase you were struggling to heave into the apartment.

“Oh, you’re the captain!” you exclaim, recalling all the times Jack and Luke had talked about their beloved leader to you. “Jack never mentioned you lived next door!”

“That’s me. I only just moved in about a week ago. Was looking for a place closer to the rink and Jack told me about his previous neighbors moving out, so I decided to move in. Nice having them just across the hall. They’re like the little brothers I never had,” Nico pronounces brothers like ‘brudders’. You nearly forgot Jack had mentioned he was from Switzerland, too distracted to have picked up on his accent before now.

“Yeah, they seem to have that effect on people, huh?” you understood the sentiment behind Nico’s words all too well.

You’ve known Jack, Luke, and Quinn since you were all kids. Your family owned the lake house next to theirs when you were growing up. You spent every summer with them up until Quinn got drafted to the Canucks a few years back. Then Jack to the Devils, then Luke following Jack. Your families grew incredibly close to one another over the years, though. Trips to visit the other outside of the summer months became a regular occurrence. Trips to watch their hockey games, traveling to watch Luke play college hockey, and attending their drafts. These three were the brothers you never had but always wanted. They treated you like their own sister from the very start.

“They especially have the annoying aspect of younger brothers perfected,” Nico replied, both of you fully inside your new apartment now.

“God, don’t I know it,” you laughed.

Looking up, you finally took in your new home. Geez, this place is nice. It shouldn’t surprise you, really, with how much Jack and Luke both make, but the apartment is like, really nice. Definitely out of your price range, by likely a couple thousand dollars. You suddenly feel bad that Jack refused to let you pay any share of the rent. You had fought him on it, several times. He insisted that they had the spare bedroom anyways, and they had no trouble making rent as is. You demanded that you contribute in some way, so you were now tasked with grocery shopping and cooking for two professional hockey players. Honestly, after seeing the meal plans the team nutritionist gave them, it might be a fair trade.

It's only as you look over towards the kitchen at the thought of having to go grocery shopping soon, you realize Nico is still there. He’s just standing there, watching you take in your surroundings, lost in your own thoughts.

“Well, thanks for not letting me waste away in the hallway. And helping me with my luggage. I think someone from TSA filled my suitcases with rocks or something. I swear it didn’t seem like I had that much stuff when I left home,” you explain, not knowing what else to say to the stranger.

“No problem, seriously. I feel like I’m over here more than I’m at my own apartment, anyways. Jack is always calling me to come over or insisting that we have to watch game film together after practice. It’s a little concerning how obsessed he is with hockey. I mean, I’m the captain of the team and I feel like I spend less time thinking about work than he does,” Nico chuckles, not seeming to want to end the conversation just yet.

“God, don’t even get me started. I’ve had to listen to him ramble on and on about hockey for years. I’m just glad someone else finally understands my pain.”

“You know, the only other subject he seems to talk about as much as hockey is you. And his family, but according to him the two are one in the same. Every time I’ve seen him this week, which is nearly every day, he’s updated me on the countdown to when you were set to arrive. He’s seriously excited to have you here. They both are. It’s nice to finally put a face to the name,” Nico reveals.

You and Jack had always been the closest out of the three brothers. With your age falling directly in-between Quinn and Jack, you and Jack had the most common interests as a kid. Quinn was always trying to be the grown one, not concerning himself with whatever you and Jack were interested in while growing up. As teens, Quinn was always training or going off by himself to do who knows what. Luke was still slightly too young to go off with you and Jack alone, so it was usually just the two of you embarking on your own little adventures on those summer days. Once Jack got his boating license neither of your parents would let Luke go out on the water without them. So, more often than not, you and Jack would take the boat to God knows where in the middle of the lake and spend the whole day there, not returning until after dark. Those days were your favorite to think back on. The conversations between you and Jack never ceased to flow. From hockey, to your boy troubles back home, to whatever girl Jack wanted to impress that summer, to what your lives would look like one day, to always vowing to be in each other’s lives, even if he became a big shot hockey player that lived on the other side of the world.

“Yeah, well, he always has been the sentimental type, no matter how hard he tries to deny it,” you chuckle, a fond smile finding its way onto your face.

“Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you around, Y/N. If you ever find yourself faced with sleeping in the hallway again, you know where to find me,” Nico drops his eye into a wink, walking over to the door and opening it once again.

“Thank goodness someone around here understands the severity of the situation at hand. Me and my back thank you,” you wave your arms around for dramatic effect, walking to take hold of the open door as he steps into the hallway and back into his own doorway.

“Welcome to Jersey. We’re glad to have you here,” Nico turns to face you after he’s back in his own apartment, a genuine smile settled on his face.

“Thanks, Nico. It’s good to be here,” you respond, matching his smile, thinking of how well it suits him.

———————————————————————————

“Y/n!!!! Where are you!?” you hear, currently elbow deep in suitcase number two, trying your hardest to unpack everything. You really don’t know how you managed to fit so much clothing in three suitcases. Or how you ended up with so many clothes to begin with. You stand up and start making your way to the door of your bedroom, hand on the doorknob as it flies open, revealing a very excited looking Jack and Luke. You suddenly feel your body flying forward, face hitting a clothed shoulder.

“Ow! Jack, that was my nose!” you tried to say, but everything was muffled because of how tight your body was being held in place. Seriously, he acts like he hadn’t seen you in years. You were literally here a few months ago to visit and arrange plans to move in. Leave it to Jack to always bring the dramatics.

“Just a few more seconds, I missed you,” he mumbles, squeezing even tighter, if that was even possible.

“Jack, no fair! Quit hogging her, I missed her too!”

“Luke, please save me. I might suffocate soon if he doesn’t let go,” you beg the younger brother.

“Oh my god, will you two quit being dramatic? Can’t a man be excited his best friend is finally moving in after months of waiting?” Jack whines as he releases his hold on you.

“No one said you couldn’t be excited, Rowdy, but suffocating me two minutes into living together might not be the best way to show your excitement,” you say, smoothing out your sweatshirt and making your way towards the open arms of the younger, yet much larger, brother.

“Oh Moose, how have you been? Have you been getting enough sleep?” You question, always worried about his wellbeing, especially these past few weeks.

“Yeah, m’alright. A little tired, but we have some home games lined up soon. I’ll catch up on sleep then,” he responds, squeezing you a little tighter at the end of his sentence.

Luke’s rookie year has been a rollercoaster not only for him, but for you as well. You worry about the youngest Hughes, having such a soft spot for the boy. You know he’s talented, and you know he’ll do well, but you can see the exhaustion on his face and in his actions. You know he carries the weight of the foul comments he receives about his gameplay, and you try your hardest to take some of it off of his shoulders.

“Alright, but now that I’m here just know I’ll be holding you to that,” a stern look on your face.

Turning back around towards Jack, you find him surveying your room, looking over the mess you created in the few hours it took for them to return home.

“So, are you going to spend the rest of the day unpacking, or can we go have some fun and celebrate the fact that you live in New Jersey now?” Jack spoke, looking at the pictures you decided to display, most of them pictures of you and the brothers throughout the years.

“I mean, I was hoping to get as much done today as I can, but I’m guessing you’ve already made plans, huh?”

“You would be correct. We’re leaving at 8, be ready,” is all Jack says, before dragging Luke out of your room.

[justmystyles]

Now You're In My Life - Part 6

catch up here

pairing: Harry Styles x plus size reader

word count: 4k

summary: a chance meeting at a diner turns your world upside-down.

warnings: some curse words, but other than that it's tame.

a/n: i feel like this part was way better in my head, so sorry in advance if you hate it.

*i say it's a plus size reader, while i don't focus a lot on that aspect (because your size should not define you), it will come up, so i just wanted to be upfront about it.

tags: @allthelovehes @ameerakane20 @ash-craze @bethanysnow @blue-ballad @brightlightsinlife @cute-as-ducks420 @gem1712 @golden-hoax @groovychaosavenue @hillzrry @iceebabies @indierockgirrl @jerseygirlinca @jooniesbabie @kaverichauhan @n0vaj3an @stylesfeverr @superchrystaldrug @tenaciousperfectionunknown @thechaoticjoy @theekyliepage @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @youknowwhaaat

After Harry left you sat in your room and cried, you were barely able to get yourself packed and ready to make it to the station in time for your train home. You had forced yourself into the shower, but skipped putting on any makeup, it was just going to run anyway. About twenty minutes into the trip home, you had mercifully fallen asleep and stayed that way until you arrived back in Boston. You had promised Harry that you’d let him know when you got home, so you shot him a quick text, and the reply was almost instant. As if he were staring at his phone, waiting to hear from you. 

Good. Go get some rest my beautiful punk rock princess. Some awful boy kept you up way too late last night. ;)

You were grateful that you had opted for an early train. It gave you a chance to get home and try to resume your normal schedule, and some extra time to purge your emotions so that you could start fresh the next day. Back to work, back to reality. 

The next afternoon, you were in your office, finally caught up on the previous day’s work when one of your coworkers dropped an elaborate floral arrangement at your desk. You didn’t have to open the note to know where it came from. You suppose this is the bookend to your time together. He sent you flowers when you met, and he’s sending you flowers to say goodbye. As curious as you are to read the note, you decide to wait until you get home not wanting to cause a scene in your office. 

When you got home you went straight to the kitchen, placing the flowers down on the counter and pulling out the card. You take a deep breath and remove it from the envelope. 

I tried to think of something funny and charming to say, but truthfully I just missed you and wanted you to know I was thinking of you.

-H

You read the note over and over, until the tears that filled your eyes blurred your vision. He missed you? He was thinking about you? You were more confused than ever. Sure, Harry had told you that you weren’t getting rid of him just because he was on tour. You just assumed he was saying that to get you to stop crying, that the messages and calls would dwindle over time. This seemed like more, that maybe all of the promises of calls and visits were real. 

Maybe he did feel something for you. 

You were interrupted by the ring of your phone, you pulled it from your pocket and saw Harry’s name on the screen. He was FaceTiming you. You took a deep breath and set it to the back camera which would allow you a moment to collect yourself. 

You watched as his beautiful face filled your screen, his smile quickly dropped to a frustrated frown. “Damnit, they still didn’t get it right.” You chuckle tearfully. “I’m just going to have to keep sending you flowers until we find some that are as beautiful as you.” 

“Harry…” you playfully chided. 

“Alright princess, let’s see you. The flowers are lovely, but I called for you.” 

You flip the camera and you notice his face fall slightly. “Darling, have you been crying?” 

“Maybe a little,” you reply coyly. “It was just a long day. It’s amazing how far behind I can fall after just one day off. Plus I’m still pretty tired from the trip.” 

“I’m sorry, do you want me to let you go so you can relax?” 

“No no, I’m glad you called. What are you up to?” You change the subject, not wanting him to press. 

“Well, we just landed in Wisconsin.” He attempts a midwestern accent, causing a bark of laughter to fall out of you unexpectedly. 

“That was terrible. Thank god you can sing, because you’re not an impressions guy.” 

“Heeeeyyyy!” He replied defensively. 

You and Harry talked for well over an hour, there were a few times where you considered asking him for clarification on your relationship, but talking to him felt so good, so right that you didn’t want to risk it. 

That was how most of your conversations with Harry went while he was away. There were many times where you thought it would just be easier to ask, but you kept reminding yourself about your weekend in New York. The last time you were upset, he had been up all night worrying about you. You decided that it wasn’t something you wanted to bother him with while he was on tour. In a few weeks he’d have some time off. You would talk to him then, when it couldn’t impact his work. 

One of the things Harry had brought up to you was how you had apparently become a viral sensation amongst his fanbase for your Harryween costume. Pictures and videos of you were all over social media. And when the photos of you and Harry in Central Park started circulating on the gossip blogs, it wasn’t long before the fans put two and two together. All of the sudden, you were Harry’s new mystery girl. 

Harry apologized profusely for the attention that had suddenly been thrown your way. You didn’t mind though, your friends and family weren’t really the celebrity gossip type. However, a few of your friends did see the pictures, you got some teasing texts, but nothing you hadn’t gotten before. Besides, it wasn’t as though strangers were recognizing you in the street, so life continued to go on as normal. The only change was setting your social media profiles to private, which you were especially grateful for once Harry started following you. 

A few days before the end of Harry’s tour, the two of you were on one of your marathon FaceTime calls, and Harry asked you something you weren’t expecting. 

“You said you still have some vacation days left, right?”

“Yeah, I didn’t really use any, so I was just going to do short weeks for the rest of the year.” You shrug. “It’s use it or lose it.” 

“So why don’t you use some of it next week and hang out with me?” You arched a brow, urging him to continue. “My last show is on Saturday, then I have to be in New York for a few meetings, but after that I thought I could come visit you before I go home for the holidays.”

“You… want to come… here?” 

“Is that alright?” He asked tentatively. “I just… I mean, you came to spend time with me on tour, you got to be part of my life, I wanted to maybe be part of yours for a bit.” 

Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt the tears begin to pool in your eyes. He wanted to spend time with you. In your world. You simply nodded your head, unable to speak. 

“Yeah? Wonderful!” He grinned. “I’m going to find the closest hotel so I don’t waste any–”

“You uh…” you interrupted him. “You could stay with me. I mean if you wanted to.” 

His smile widened, and you noticed a twinkle in his eye. “I was hoping you’d say that.” You blushed, making him laugh. “Are you sure you don’t have plans? I don’t want to be any trouble.”

“No, I have a family dinner next Saturday, but other than that I’m free.” 

“Family dinner, huh? What’s the occasion?”

You bit your lip before answering. “It’s um… it’s a birthday dinner.” You say shyly.

Harry’s eyes narrow at you. “Who’s birthday, princess?” Your face had already given him the answer, but he needed to hear you say it. 

Your eyes flit to the floor, you look up at the camera through your lashes. “Uhh… mine?” 

“Y/N Y/L/N!” Harry scolded. “Your birthday is in a week and you didn’t bother to tell me?!” 

“You never asked,” you shrug. 

He shook his head with a chuckle, you had a point. “Well then I am definitely coming, and I am going to spoil you rotten.” 

“Harry you don’t have–”

“The hell I don’t,” he said firmly. “When’s your actual birthday, sweetheart?” 

“Friday,” you tell him. You aren’t a big fan of being the center of attention, so you never really made a big deal about your birthdays. A quiet dinner with your parents and your sister was all you needed. 

“Perfect, I can fly on Thursday night, then I’ll be with you for your whole birthday. And I’d like to join you at your dinner, if you wouldn’t mind having me there.” 

He wanted to meet your parents? Nothing about the last month has made any sense, but you were bound to clear things up when Harry came to visit. “I’d like that,” you smile at him. “Oh, you should probably fly into Manchester instead of Boston though.” You notice Harry’s expression change, and you pause, knowing he wants to say something. “What?” 

“Why would I go all the way to Manchester? I told you I was going to visit you before going home.” 

You sigh and roll your eyes. “New Hampshire, you weirdo.” 

Harry holds up his free hand defensively. “It’s not my fault your precious colonizers couldn’t come up with their own names, so they just reused the ones they were so desperate to get away from.”

“Are you seriously doing this right now? You’re getting snippy about history shit?” He smirks at your annoyed response. “Yeah, keep smiling. When you get here I’m going to throw you in the harbor so you can go find your damn tea.” He throws his head back in laughter at your response, you can’t help but laugh too. Joking with each other like this came so naturally to you. 

“As I was saying,” you pretend to scold him. “It’s the same distance, shorter if you consider traffic, and it’s way less crowded so you could probably get through without being too noticed.” You watch as a dreamy smile spreads across his face. “What now?” You say, expecting another snarky response. 

“Nothing,” he sighed. “You’re such a sweetheart, thinking of me like that.” 

You felt your heartbeat speed up at his sincerity. “It was mostly for me,” you shrugged, trying to play it cool. “I hate Boston traffic.”

In the days leading up to Harry’s visit, you spent every free moment cleaning and arranging and rearranging furniture. To say you were nervous was an understatement. Sure, you were happy to see him again. You couldn’t wait to see him again. But this visit was going to be make or break. You were determined to get to the bottom of your relationship, it was a conversation the two of you needed to have while he was here. But you were going to wait until after your birthday, just because you didn’t want the day to be a big deal didn’t mean you wanted to spend it heartbroken. 

You had told your parents that you were bringing a guest to dinner. You didn’t say much else, but based on their reaction, you were sure they assumed you were bringing home a guy. You usually kept your relationships to yourself, only ever bringing one other guy home, so to them this was a big deal.

It was ten thirty on Thursday night, you were standing by your car in the arrivals lot waiting for Harry. He had been doing some work in the studio that day, so he decided to take a later flight. As your eyes stayed trained on the door, you pulled your coat tighter around you, trying to stay warm. Before long, you saw Harry emerge from the airport, and your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He was here, in front of you, not just on a screen. 

You watched his eyes dart around the parking area, his face deep in concentration as he looked for you, rolling his suitcase behind him, a duffle bag hanging off his shoulder. You could tell the moment he found you, because the crease in his brow disappeared, his smile widened and his pace began to pick up. When he finally reached you, he dropped his bags and wrapped his arms around you, lifting you off the ground and crashing his lips against yours.   

He placed you back down, pulling you into another kiss before holding you close and burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Fuck, I missed you so much princess.” His voice was muffled against your skin as he continued to place kisses along your neck. 

You let out a content sigh as your fingers played with the curls at the nape of his neck. “I missed you too.” 

After standing in each other’s arms for a few moments, relishing in the feeling of having each other so close again, Harry finally pulled away and put his bags in the back of your car. He moved to the passenger's side and opened the door. You stood there, watching him stand in front of the door, making no moves to actually enter the car. 

“You getting in?” You asked curiously. 

“I will, I was just opening your door for you.” He replied. 

“We’re still in America, babe. Driver sits over there.” You use your thumb to point to the other side of the car.

His dimples appeared as he shook his head. “I’m driving.” 

“Excuse me?”

“I want to play a game on the way home, you won’t be able to play and keep your eyes on the road, so I’m going to drive.” 

You didn’t miss the fact that he said ‘home’, he didn’t refer to it as your house, he called it home. But you were also suspicious of this game. “I’m not giving you road head.” Your gaze narrowed. 

You noticed his eyes darken briefly before he corrected his expression and laughed. “No no, nothing like that. Completely innocent, I promise.” 

You eye him suspiciously as you approach the car. As you slide into the passenger's seat, you hand him the keys. “Just remember, we drive on the right here.” 

He rolls his eyes, closing your door and moving to the driver’s side. Once he was settled in, he started the car, and began to explain the game. 

“So, even after all of this time talking and sharing intimate details of our lives, you’ve still been very evasive about all that guilty pleasure music you’re hiding.” He smirks when you blush and sink a little further into your seat. “And I’ve also noticed you have an almost compulsive need to explain yourself and your opinions on things. Which you never have to do with me, by the way.” He paused, giving you a moment to process and truly understand his statement. “I figured we could use those two things to play a game, and get you to let me in just the tiniest bit more.” 

You furrow your brow. “I don’t get it?”

“It’s quite simple my dear, I will give you an emotion, or a scenario of some sort, and you play the song that goes with it. This way, you’re explaining why you like the song, instead of just being embarrassed that you do.” 

You smile to yourself, he was so desperate to get to know you that he made up a whole game just to help you open up. God, you were glad he was here. “Okay, I can do that.” 

“Yeah?” You nod in agreement. “Excellent! But you have to be completely honest, the first song that comes to mind no matter how embarrassing you think it might be.” 

“Deal.” 

He smiles widely and pulls you in to seal the deal with a kiss. “Alright then, buckle up buttercup. We’re off.” 

As Harry rattled off different topics, you could tell that he had prepared thoroughly for this. Each would have a series of follow up questions that he would ask as the song played, and occasionally he would sing a bit of it for her, his hand firmly planted on her thigh for the entirety of the ride. 

Harry would occasionally glance over to you as you were listening to a song. Of course he was admiring your beauty, but more than that, he noticed you had a musicality about you that he hadn’t seen much of outside of work. You would move your hands, almost as if you were conducting the music, honing in on obscure background melodies, and play them out with your fingers. 

You had been at a redlight, but when it turned green, Harry didn’t move. You looked over to see him watching you completely mesmerized. When he realized he had been caught, he blushed before turning his attention back to the road. “What?” You ask with a chuckle. 

“Aside from the fact that you are stunning and I never want to stop looking at you?” He smirked and shot a quick glance your way just in time to catch your blush. “Aside from that, I just noticed how you listen to music. It’s almost analytical, like you’re picking out each part, like even the smaller parts that people barely notice.”

“Yeah, I’ve kind of always been like that,” you shrug. “Obviously in college it kind of got worse, but–”

“Obviously in college?” Harry questioned.

You slap your hand over your mouth, you were so comfortable with Harry that things were just rolling off your tongue without realizing it. “Yeah… I um, my major was audio production. So I did a lot of recording and mixing and stuff.” 

You felt Harry’s grip tighten on your thigh. “Princess, I’ve known you for over a month, how have you not told me this?”  

“It’s not a big deal, it’s not like I’m using it or anything. I didn’t want you to think I was hanging out with you with ulterior motives.” 

Harry pulled the car into a nearby parking lot so that he could focus all of his attention on you. “Do you really believe that I would think that you were spending all this time with me, that all of this was just because you were trying to make a connection in the music industry?”

You shrug, looking down at the floor. You weren’t sure if you were more embarrassed about keeping it from him, or for your reason for keeping it from him. 

He took your chin in his thumb and forefinger, forcing you to look at him. “Hey, listen to me,” his tone was commanding yet tender, and he had a look of adoration in his eyes. “I’ve told you before, I want to know everything about you. Whether you believe it or not, I know your heart, and I know that you would never ask anything like that of me. Okay?” You nod your head in affirmation. “I want to hear you say it, princess.” 

“Okay,”  you whisper. He smiles, pulling your lips to his. 

He turns back to the wheel and continues the journey to your house. 

“So this is my princess’s palace?” Harry says as he pulls into the driveway. When he sees you reach for the door handle, he places a hand on your shoulder. “Uh-uh, don’t you dare open that door,” he chided. 

“Awfully aggressive for a gentleman.” You joked. 

He leaned in, his voice low and gravely in your ear. “You haven’t seen anything yet, princess.” A chill shot down your spine at his words. 

After he opened your door and collected his bags, the two of you went into the house and you gave him a quick tour of your house. It was a small three bedroom cape, with the master bedroom on the first floor. Since you lived on your own, you had turned the two upstairs rooms into a makeshift gym, and a combination home office/nail salon. 

By the time you had gotten home and given Harry the full tour, it was nearly midnight and you were both pretty tired. You took your pajamas into the bathroom so you could change and do your night routine, leaving Harry to change in the bedroom. 

When you returned to your room, you tapped on the door to make sure Harry was decent. He called for you to enter, when you did, you saw Harry sitting up in your bed. His eyes went wide as they traveled up and down your body, you were wearing an oversized t-shirt that was so long it completely covered the shorts you have on.

Harry gulped audibly before opening his mouth. “Princess, you… uh, you forgot the bottoms.” 

You were typically pretty self conscious about your body, but the way Harry was looking at you, practically devouring you with his eyes, it gave you a boost of confidence like you’d never had before. 

“Nope, I’ve got my shorts.” You lifted the shirt to your waist. 

Harry tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, folding down the sheets on your side of the bed, and patting the mattress. As you moved closer to the bed, you swayed your hips a little more than you usually would, you watched as Harry kept his eyes locked on you. 

As soon as you pulled the covers over yourself, Harry’s arms were around you, pulling you towards him. His lips traveled from your neck, up and across your jaw. Just before he could pull you in for a kiss, your phone rang. 

“Ugh… sorry,” you groaned as you reached for your phone. “It’s my sister.” 

As you swiped your finger across the screen, Harry noticed the time and leaned in close. “Happy birthday, princess.” He whispered before taking your earlobe between his teeth and tugging gently, causing you to giggle softly. 

“Hello?” Your sister’s voice rang out from the other end of the phone. 

You and Harry looked at eachother, trying not to laugh. You held your index finger up to his mouth to silence him. Instead of taking you seriously, he runs his tongue along your finger before pulling it into his mouth. You pull it out quickly and shoot him a warning glance. 

“Hi, sorry. I’m here. Hi.” You finally respond to your sister as you try to break out of Harry’s grasp. 

“I wanted to be the first one to say happy birthday, but apparently I didn’t make it in time.” 

“Better luck next year,” Harry joked. You slapped him playfully on the chest. 

“Who are you with?” 

“Don’t worry about it,” you assure her. 

“Oh wait, is this the guy mom and dad keep talking about? The one you’re bringing to dinner.” 

Your cheeks turn bright red at your sister’s words. Harry chuckles and pinches your cheeks. 

“Okay, so thanks for calling. I’ll see you Saturday.” You speak into the phone. 

“See you Saturday,” she says. “Sorry about the cock block.” 

Harry bursts out laughing, while you hang up the phone and drop it back down on the nightstand. You slide deeper into the bed, pulling the blankets over your head. 

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Harry chuckles as he follows you under the blankets. “Your sister seems nice.” He says as he starts kissing your neck, adding some gentle bites as he goes. 

“Yeah, she’s a real…” you interrupt yourself with a yawn. “Sorry.” 

Harry pulls back, leaning on his arm so he’s facing you. “Tired?” 

“A little, I’m fine though.” You assure him as you lift your hand, placing it on his cheek. 

He tilts his head, kissing your palm, “It’s alright, get some sleep. I’m not going anywhere, we can continue this later.” He leaned down until his lips were a breath away from yours. “Happy birthday, beautiful.” He kissed you softly before laying back on the bed. His arm wrapped around you, pulling you close.

“This is nice,” you sigh against his chest.

His arms tighten around you, and he places a kiss on the top of your head. “It’s really nice.” 

Before you know it, you drift off into one of the most comfortable nights of sleep you’ve ever had. 

[zenxvii]

hellooo can you make a kyungjun fic where it is a happy ending😭💢 thank you sm

Hiii! Okay okay okay sorry for the last one here’s a happy one🙏🏻

-

Character: Kyung-Jun x fem!reader

Kdrama: night has come

!!: thoughts are in italics

🫶🏻: -

-

-

y/n pov

-

I walked thru to corridors making my way to my classmates. Jun-Hee hd told me to come down and meet others.

I arrived down seeing I was the last one there. “Now that everyone is here I think we have a solution how to survive.” Jun-Hee started and many heads were turn to his way.

“We know that if we vote someone dies, but if we don’t it should guarantee nobody dying.” What a stupid plan. We can’t be 100% it would work.

“What do you mean. We can’t be sure no one would vote! What is someone votes in secret!” A girl from our class said and I nodded along.

“We’ll gather the phones so nobody could vote.” “What if the holder changes their mind and votes!”

Some people against Jun-Hees plan and others with him. “Shut up! For once the class president has a good idea.” A voice stopped everyone.

Kyung-Jun walked with his minions following him. He walked in the middle with a yellow dumpster(?) “Be reasonable and listen when I’m being nice.” He told and glanced at everyone his glaze stopping at me.

“We’ll put our phones here so nobody can take then and put the bin in the middle.” He said and started to walk around getting the phones with his minions telling everyone the be quick.

I was the last one and he looked straight at my eyes. “Put your phone here princess.” So annoying.

I sighed and handed my phone.

-

The yellow bin was put on the middle with white clothing around it and nobody didn’t have permission to cross over it.

I could sense everyone being tense and just waiting the clock tick. It was 11.50pm and the ten minute wait would be like hell. I sighed and decided to sit on the ground tired from all the standing.

I eyed everyone, people were quiet no one talking. It was a bit too quiet for my liking, but I didn’t feel like saying anything when everyone was so tense.

11.55pm the five minute wait still there. It felt like eternal waiting for the clock strike 12. I played with my thumbs just waiving them around waiting for the time pass.

The five minutes had now passed even tho it felt like hours. Nobody moved. “We did it!” Someone yelled as the clock struck 12.01am. Now everyone was hugging each others and smiling.

I let out a breath of relief even tho I had a feeling this wasn’t over yet. When people were celebrating the fucking purge sound started again. I knew it.

“Players must identifyand vote out the Mafia!”

“Players must identifyand vote out the Mafia!”

“Players must identifyand vote out the Mafia!”

“Players must identifyand vote out the Mafia!”

People tried to go for their phones but were stopped by the class president telling them it may not mean they would die.

It was before a body fell. And another one.

“For breaking the rules Lee Soo Bia and Park Ji Hoon have been eliminated.”

“Lee Soo Bia and Park Ju Hoon were civilians.”

People were in shock just standing there nobody moving. I had fell into a complete shock, the bodies had fell just few meters from me.

I was still on the ground as I saw the red spilling towards me. Now the purge sound had gotten louder and the lights turned to red.

Everyone were rushing to find their phones to vote. I couldn’t do anything because of the shock. I just sat on the ground.

I knew I needed to find my phone so I used all the strength that I gad and pushed myself off of the ground and started to look for my phone with a wave of people looking for theirs.

The bin had fallen and all the phones were scattered around the ground as people were panicking. I couldn’t find my phone anywhere. I started to panic. More and more people started to get eliminated and some to vote.

I felt a hand tug me. “Haven’t you found phone yet!” Kyung-Jun stood in front of me. “No!” I yelled at him with a slight panic in my voice. “Fuck.” He muttered and started to look for something. I’m gonna die.

I saw as Kyung-Jun motion his minions over and said something to them and they all started to look for something. There!

I saw my phone in the floor but just as I tried to grab it someone accidentally kicked my hand and my phone in the same. “Fuck!” I cried out in pain and watched my phone slide. I held my hand in pain. It was a strong and hard kick.

Just as I got up to get my phone Kyung-Jun was standing in front of me with my phone nodding to Jun-Ha who was standing were my phone hand sled.

“Vote!” He told me and shoved my phone to my hands. I yelped as he shoved it to my hurting hand. “But for whom!” I said I didn’t have tome to think and I couldn’t think straight.

“Vote for me. Now!” Was all he said as he opened his phone too.

I gulped and voted.

“l/n y/n voted for Go Kyung-Jun”

“Go Kyung-Jun voted for l/n y/n”

I felt my heart pounding in my ears with all the ringing from the purge sound. My hand was hurting bad. I used my flashlight on my phone and saw my hand turning a bit purple. Fuck.

Many people had voted and the timer told us it was time.

“Baek Eun-Ha vill be eliminated with the most votes of 10.”

“Baek Eun-Ha was a civilian.”

“I told you it’s not me!” The girl screamed I turned my gaze to her. She cried on the floor looking straight ant So-Mi.

She cried and cried, yelling at people who voted for her telling them she was telling the truth.

I looked back at my hand and saw Kyung-Jun looking it too. “That’s bad.” He said and shook his head with anger. “Yeah.” Was all I could say. “Sorry.” I said and leaned my head against Kyung-Juns chest.

He didn’t say anything but slightly wrapped his one arm around my shoulders. This might’ve looked weird to others. Me leaning on him. But to us it was okay. I guess.

The ‘lullaby’ started ringing and I felt my body going limp and my eyes closing.

-

I woke up the next morning. My hand sore as I opened my eyes I saw Kyung-Jun in front of me with his eyes closed. He looked peaceful. His hand was supporting my head. what a lucky way we fell.

I sat up and poked him. People started to wake up with groans and some sobs. Kyung-Hun sat up and immediately stood up after to go to his minions.

I looked at my hand seeing it purple, it wasn’t broken. But a big bruise on it. It was sore and I couldn’t move it much, but it was good that it wasn’t broken.

- (sorry i’ll skip the morning😞)

I arrived at the cafe after Kyung-Jun had told me to meet him there. Jin-Ha neither Seung-Bin weren’t there. “Why did you wanna meet?” I asked just standing at the door. “Come closer I don’t bite.” He said and motioned a chair next to him.

I sat next to him. “Ah! I never got to say this. But thank you, you saved my life yesterday.” I said and looked at him. He didn’t say anything but pulled a med kit under the table and sat it on the table.

“Show me your hand.” He told me and I did. I showed my hand to him and he gently grabbed it. “You should be more careful.” He said and wrapped a bandage around my hand. He was surprisingly gently.

“Thank you again.” I told him as he was finished with the wrapping. “Don’t fall for me now.” He said and patted my head and left. I just might..

——

End😳

yes yes I know kinda copied the hyun-ho and na-hee scene but it was just so cute😞🙏🏻

[maxzinn]

What bothers me after all this drama is that those users that made the posts calling out the type of fics they were bothered with, didnt actually include like a list of those fics (probably to avoid an entire purge and hatred), and everyone in the comments of those posts just suddenly at a flip of a switch, all could only think about one. single. story...and that was the 2 part fic from the now deactivated account.

So for a fic which diverges from canon by having Aventurine NOT go through the entire rollercoaster of drama and be given a chance at a normal life, everyone and their mother jumped to bully the writer. Please, gimme a break, he could've still become the same charismatic gambler we all know and love, just he would've had an oh idk- a little support system given by the person that got him out of a much crappy life? Seriously, how many fics AREN'T out there which diverge at one point from canon?! Or, even better, ignore the canon completely and they are their own thing! HOW MANY- A LOT OF THEM ARE!

It's like they were bothered that there can be a "what if Aventurine was saved before he went through the rest of that hell?", as if his canon story is the only thing that matters and shouldn't be changed at all - THE MAN IS IN SHAMBLES. HE WANTED TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM LIFE. And I cant be the only one who doesnt believe that him, as he grow up, didn't wish for someone to come to his aid, to take him out of there, but the more time passed, the more hope he lost and he just "well, guess I'll do this on my own". He. Has. No. One. To. Talk. To. Without. Him. Hidding. Behind. The. Persona. He. Created. No one.

Anon you have said exactly everything that I wanted to hear ‼️

(They all started this mess so I’m not gonna stop till I get my point straight across their faces)

These people CANNOT tell me that Aventurine didn’t want to be saved. They CANNOT tell me he didn’t hope for a helping hand throughout this whole hell.

The IPC had failed him and his race from the very beginning when they failed to protect Sigonia IV and the Avgins from the Katicans, and yet I still see people saying that creating a fic where he was saved is disregarding his effort in surviving like pls- my girl… he wanted to DIE to be with his family again and he’s literally in the clutches of the very same company that FAILED him and his kind. His life is literally in their hands and NO ONE would ever want to be at the mercy of the very same people who failed you.

He’s tired. He thinks so lowly of himself. He thinks he has no worth. He has no self-esteem.

All of that could’ve been avoided if someone had helped him, way before his neck was branded by the slave mark, or even during the time he was enslaved.

Like you said, there are already tons of fics that diverts from the canon story of the character into something that is almost disregarding it, so why is that an issue now?

We all love him the way he is, but don’t you think it’s also insensitive to say that when he himself hated the process or events that transpired to become what he is now?

I give him credit for his hardwork and efforts for staying alive and getting past the hell, but that cost him EVERYTHING. He survived, but he thinks so lowly of himself. He still think he’s only worth 60 tanbas. He didn’t refute Ratio and Sparkle’s insult. He throws his own body on every gamble because he thinks that’s his only worth… and now a simple harmless fic that aimed to provide him a normal life free from that tragedy was frowned upon by everyone just because the reader “bought him as a slave”.

[cozzzynook]

Thought of something wholesome.

Rodimus and the crew are visiting a cybertron colony for supplies and to get some free time off the ship. While out exploreing Rodimus hears the sound of whimpering coming from a den in the ground. He finds 2 young turbo fox puppies who see him and they began barking and following him.

Roddy tries to shoo them back into their den knowing their pack can't be far but the pups won't leave him alone. Later on he returns to the ship followed by the 2 pups and begs Minimus to help him out and try to find the pups pack so they can go home.

Meanwhile Roddy is playing babysitter while trying his best not to get attached, but its difficult with how cute the pups are.

Dnjcksofjdowf 😭

I love this so much.

Okay soooo i’m gonna turn this into something a little different and i’m sorry in advance if this isn’t what you were looking for.

-

Rodimus thinks these turbo foxes are only foxes and so he doesn’t want to touch or go near them for fear their pack will return and reject them. But he can’t just leave two fresh, no metallico, protoform exposed turbo foxes that look so cold and hungry. They’re shaking and so tiny and he can’t feel their creators em fields nor does he see any signs of life other than the two before him. He can’t feel the warmth a creator leaves behind for their sparkling and he can see the bones on their little ribs.

So he coms Minimus telling him to hurry its an emergency and when the mech gets there he’s completely shocked to find two turbo foxes that are abandoned.

He tells Rodimus as such which hurts his spark to no end but now it means he can carefully scoop the palm sized sparklings into his servos and hold them close to his chassis and use his outlier to warm them. They stop shivering and their whimpers and cries turn to coos and soft whining chirps as they nuzzle against Rodimus’s chassis making the mech blush as he quickly turns before his plating opens to reveal two pouches with nozzles that were beginning to tingle as his carrier coding activated to produce energon milk.

Minimus was a blushing mess as he realized what was happening and covered his optics ever the gentlemech even if he couldn’t see anything. The mech cleared his throat after a moment and peaked through his digits when he realized things were quiet for a flick too long.

“Captain?”

“They’re…fueling,” Rodimus was clearly embarrassed and his raised shoulder struts showed how tense he was.

“There is nothing to be ashamed of captain. Carriers are a vital necessity every bot needs, tank forged or spark chamber forged. Even hot spot sparklings thrive when having a carrier.”

“I..thanks Minimus..umm I’ll join you back at the ship when they’re done..for now please keep the others from coming over. I’d rather no one-no one else knows. From there we can find someone willing to take them in.”

Minimus gave a saddened expression but nodded though his captain could not see it.

“Very well captain.”

With that Minimus took his leave and Rodimus sighed dropping his shoulders with a glance at the two sparklings attached to his nozzles suckling greedily.

“I’ll need Ratchet to take a look at you two,” he mused aloud. He felt the two start to warm from within their own frames and he smiled. They were strong little ones, he can admit.

They’d make their new creators happy.

He felt them slowing in their fueling and began the trek back to the ship. By the time he got there he’d closed his chassis plating with great difficulty now that they’ve doubled in size for the two and he went straight to the medbay where he gave the sparklings to Ratchet.

…only for them to begin crying and yelling to the point they almost purged and he had to hold them while Ratchet began examining and taking care of them. They were given vaccines and anti-virals that Ratchet also gave to Rodimus who came in contact with them.

Ratchet declared them fresh sparks as he already knew and stated they showed signs of being able to transform. He was a bit surprised by that and wondered if thats why their creators abandoned them.

“So, what are ya naming em?”

“Me? No. No no no no no no. I’m just doing this so they don’t cry and get sick. Someone else is raising them.”

Ratchet gave him a disbelieving look and he huffed.

“I’m not meant to have sparklings, not my thing,” he shook his helm missing the sad look Ratchet gave him.

“Kid-”

“No.”

Rodimus stood and looked towards the sparkling berths, “I’ll see you and Drift later. I have paperwork to fill out and an adoption placement to announce.”

With that Rodimus set the sparklings down that were asleep and rushed out before they could wake.

Ratchet just sighed but kept quiet, silently messaging Drift and sending an optic vid of the two sparklings he just knew would end up being theirs.

Drift seemed to hold the same sentiment seeing as the moment his shift was over he came running into the medbay bouncing on his pedes at the sight of the two.

Ratchet hushed him whispering about how they most likely only want Rodimus who he’s sure they imprinted on. He’s proven right when the sparklings whine and push their fists out. Wiggling in their pods until they let that first cry out that makes the two stiffen before it builds and suddenly the twin sparklings are full on crying for a mech who wasn’t there.

Ratchet and Drift tries calming the sparklings down but all their efforts got them were two whimpering sparklings with adorably sad faces rubbing their helms into chassis that couldn’t give them what they needed.

Ratchet was just about to comm Rodimus when said mech rushed into the medbay looking straight at the twin sparklings and scurrying over.

“Shh, its okay,” Rodimus picked up the sparkling that was an odd shade of orange since they were more upset. He shifted them and took the other sparkling with an odd tone of white into his arms and the immediate quiet that followed made the two’s jaw hang.

Rodimus didn’t really pay them much attention until he was about to open his chassis.

“I’m..gonna go in the other room. I’ll bring them back once they’re full.”

“Oh no ya don’t kid. They’re coming to our room. They won’t have a lick of sleep without you nearby and I won’t have my medics at wits end because those two bitties are attached to you.”

Rodimus wanted to argue, he really did, but he couldn’t. Because he knew Ratchet was telling the truth and Drift’s sympathetic look told him he agreed.

Without a word he turned on his heel and made his way back to their hab. The two followed behind with a tense silence that Ratchet was pouting over while Drift looked worried.

“Roddy, you know it’s okay to want them, right?”

Ratchet locked the door behind them turning on the hab silencer so if this turned into a screaming match no one would be the wiser.

“Here we go,” he sighed quietly as he turned and put on a neutral face that didn’t look at all convincing. Rodimus looked to be preparing for a verbal brawl as all his feelings, insecurities and frustration came bubbling to the surface when it deflated at the sparklings whimpering.

With a frame sigh Rodimus shook his helm and turned heading to one of the spare rooms when Ratchet grabbed him by the shoulders making and pulled him into their berth room.

“Absolutely not kid. Stubborn pride needs to get put aside. Yer a carrier and ya gotta fuel em, so I know you know that means it has to be somewhere comfortable and familiar for their benefit and yours. The first can be excused since they were starved. But now ya need ta make sure its here in yer nest.”

Ratchet finished his scoldings missing the look on Rodimus’s face, but Drift, he didn’t.

“I’ll feed them you can go back out,” Rodimus told them as he looked away, optics shutting as he slightly swayed the sparklings to keep them from crying again.

He wasn’t blind to what was happening. He just didn’t want it to be true.

He knew it as well as Ratchet knew.

A bond had formed the moment he fed them. He felt their distress all the way in his office and had come running. Even now he feels their uncertainty and need for comfort and the hunger that accompanies fear. Their lack of proper care and fuel so early in life would greatly affect them and he knew Ratchet was right. The sparklings needed a carrier who was in a safe place and that meant mentally, physically and emotionally. A nest was the perfect source of comfort, Rodimus just didn’t want the sparklings imprinting on him because he was afraid to raise them. Afraid to hurt or misguide them. He didn’t want to frag them up like he’d be fragged up as a sparkling.

“Roddy..don’t push us away,” Drift stood closer while Ratchet glared before going up to Rodimus and placing his servos on Rodimus chassis.

He moved slow enough to give Rodimus time to say no and when he didn’t the medic removed the covering with a blush on his frowning face.

Rodimus never showed his pouches unless it was for medical purposes. Since he was a carrier his looked like breasts many organics had instead of cyber tissue with small ducts for energon. It’s something considered a malfunction to their species. Ratchet and Drift didn’t like that line of code and made sure to reassure Rodimus they loved all of him.

Rodimus didn’t really think they did and he still doubted they would find him attractive once seeing the parts of himself he kept hidden.

Now wasn’t the time to hide though.

Not when the sparklings needed fuel.

He held them up to his pouches and ignored the way Drift and Ratchet watched him fuel the two. He didn’t like anyone knowing he could do this or seeing him in such a vulnerable state but the two were adamant and pushed every time he tried to close himself off. They never allowed his insecure boundaries ground to grow further.

A servo cupping his helm made him shift to look Drifts direction but he was surprised to have his face plates turned the other way and lifted to see Ratchet looking at him the way he gazed at Drift.

“Don’t,” he forced out only to be ignored. That hot grip in his chassis being exposed as Ratchet came beside him and wrapped his arm around his waist. Being held was a weakness, a weakness he couldn’t help whining pathetically at.

“Kid..its nothin wrong with ya. Its nothin wrong wit keepin tha sparklings either. We meant it when we told ya we love ya. All of ya kid, tank carrier and all,” Ratchet spoke in a low gravel, the one that made his shoulders drop and his optics wet.

He closed them and nodded.

He was not about to cry in front of them again.

Drift had other ideas of course, reaching an arm across Roddy’s back to touch Ratchet and kiss his helm before settling and lulling him closer so all three were cuddled close, he kissed Roddy’s helm flare before placing a palm onto Roddy’s pouch that was truly just a breast that jiggled slightly at the touch.

He pushed two digits into Roddy’s upper chest and circled, helping the milk flow better and soothing the ache of his spark that he didn’t notice flicker.

“We want this with you, a conjunx ritus and family,” Roddy didn’t jerk away when Ratchet did a small manual soothing tactic on his spark that glowed just below his breasts and he didn’t flinch away when Drift shifted his helm so they could rest together.

Communicating emotions in an ebb and flow that made tears fall.

“Let us have this, let yourself have this,” was spoken without the need of verbal words.

He nodded his helm still nervous and unsure but he would trust them and do this.

He would trust them.

He would trust them.

The soft whimpers coming from the crib Drift built woke Rodimus from recharge and he yawned looking at the time. It was late into the night and he carefully shifted away from Drift and Ratchet.

He didn’t want to wake them especially when they had such a long shift earlier.

He quietly went to the crib and smiled at Ginger who was the exact shade of her name before glancing at Wicker who was the same shade as his name. He’d ended up getting darker as he got more energon and time passed just like his sister Ginger.

The two were wiggling in their cribs and he stifled a giggle, careful as he lifted both of them and left the berth room, closing the door silently as he made his way to the living den.

About a month after having them and all three bonded with them making the twins their sparklings, they were able to transformer into root mode. The very first time they did so it worried and scared them because they were feverish and fussy for days on end and medicine was not working.

Minimus was thankfully able to inform them that they were finally healthy enough to transform into a root mode and the process was a bit painful but it hopefully should not take longer than a week.

They were extremely thankful the twins changed two days later in the early morning before Drift and Ratchet left for their shifts.

The sight was scary at first seeing the twins twist and cry, not knowing that the process would involve energon blood for their first transformation. Rodimus had almost had a spark attack at the sight and Ratchet was thankfully able to stop it before it actually happened.

He remembers apologizing so much after calming down while fretting over the twins to the point Drift just burst out laughing making the twins shift adorably and look at him. That got Rodimus to stop fretting and apologizing and it made Ratchet laugh a little too especially when the twins kicked their little legs out and waved their little arms for the first time.

They immediately made so many vids and image captures they had to delete a lot of them and upload the important ones to an outside image capture.

He shifted, carefully swaddling the two tiny bitties in his arms to latch onto his already exposed pouches. Watching as they latched on with intakes so different than the first time he’d fed them. Pictures of Ginger and Wicker littered the walls of their living den watching as he smiled softly at the two who blinked with bleary optics that were still far too underdeveloped from age alone to really see anything aside from color.

Their bitties had a far better sense of smell than non mechanimal sparklings making it so much easier for the twins to know which of their creators was coming towards. It calmed them faster and made it easier for them to become familiar with their sires who loved doing things just holding them. Ratchet loved doing paperwork with the twins in his lap and Drift found meditating with the twins resting in a sling far more relaxing.

Of course Ginger and Wicker decided they should wiggle and coo the most with their carrier and make things a little harder for him to do aside from giving them all his attention. They would coo loudly until he stopped what he was doing and pull them from their swaddle and cradle them in his arms just as he was now.

He couldn’t help himself, he turned making sure he was alone and turned back, smiling at the two who stole his spark when he wanted to keep this part of himself locked.

“Shine comes the midnight star

dancin for the wind below

that stills to sees its beauty.”

He sang the old Nyonian lullaby softly, watching as Wicker gripped onto his pouch with a tiny servo as Ginger did the same. They often clung to him, he was sure it was because they knew he was a food source but when they cried for him even after fueling he felt uncontrolled appreciation and love crash through him.

That same emotion threatened to reach the surface as he sat there a few kliks longer, waiting until they finished so he could shift them to a better burping position. He’d long found a good way to do this and he was grateful since he didn’t want to put either of them down, at least not yet.

He was happy they made clearing their windpipes easy for him, they always gave Drift a hard time for some reason. Ratchet’s medical training prevented him from struggling and hearing him fondly grouch as they tried and failed to get him was always spark warming.

Just like the sight of him slowly rocking the twins in his arms who were trying to fight their sleep to look at their carrier just a bit longer, was the sight Drift and Ratchet loved being able to see.

“Not fair Roddy, you had them all day. We could’ve gotten them while you were sleeping,” Drift bent down to nuzzle his finial against Rodimus’s flare and Ratchet stood close to his family watching as the twins fell asleep with their servos curled around Rodimus pouches.

He was glad the kid finally felt comfortable around them and he was ecstatic about taking one of the twins from Rodimus as Drift took the other.

“Come on kid, lets head back to berth,” when they all shuffled back into the room Rodimus was apologizing for not keeping quiet enough.

“You guys worked all day it was only right I let you sleep in,” Ratchet flicked his forhelm for saying that without taking his opics off Ginger as he lowered her back into the crib.

Drift was slower to pit Wicker back since the bitty had a good grip on him and none of them wanted the bitties to wake up.

“You would’ve had to wake me up anyway to fuel them so plus I like being able to do things for you. Sleeping in is one of them,” Rodimus laughed quietly, slipping into berth and curling his own berth sheet around himself as Drift and Ratchet shared one.

They all curled into berth close to each other, Ratchet grouching at Rodimus that he worked all day too while taking care of their sparklings another job in itself so he should wake them next time.

It was a moot point Drift tells the medic as such seeing as they know their flame spark won’t.

Ratchet grumbles but he loves how thoughtful Roddy tries to be even at the cost of his own sleep, it makes Drift smile because when he looks up a little he can see Rodimus is already knocked out cold and Ratchet is just content to watch him before turning to kiss the swords mech.

“Don’t be all mushy until I have my morning oil,” Ratchets already beat the mech to it with a muffled laugh. Drift decides to indulge him, though he’ll be extra mushy in the morning to make up for lost time.

“Goodnight ratty,” he pressed their helms together. They would shift in their sleep but that was fine. They had this for now.

“Goodnight sweet spark.”

“Softie,” Drift smiled.

“Don’t push it,” Ratchet snapped softly with a tired yawn.

[gblogg]

Daniel gets the flu

--------

Something I wrote to stretch my fingers and get back into the feeling of writing. It's nothing special, but it's something.

Daniel had always prided himself on his strong immune system, especially given his job as a preschool teacher, constantly surrounded by sneezes, coughs, and runny noses. But today was different. He could feel it as he left work, his stomach churning uncomfortably. By the time he reached his car, he was sweating and shivering simultaneously. 

Leaning his head against the steering wheel, he fumbled for his phone and typed out a quick message to Luna.

D: Lu, I’m feeling awful. Think I caught something from the kids. I'm heading home now :(

As he started the car, his phone buzzed with her reply.

Lu: Oh no, babe. Come home quickly. I’ll be here waiting for you.

The drive home felt endless, each bump in the road exacerbating the nausea that had settled deep in his stomach. By the time he pulled into the driveway, he was certain he wouldn’t make it inside without being sick.

Stumbling out of the car, Daniel made his way to the front door, fumbling with the keys. The door swung open, and Luna was there, her face a mix of concern and love.

“Baby, you look terrible,” she said, reaching out to steady him.

Daniel groaned, his face pale and clammy. “I feel worse than I look,” he admitted, barely able to keep his voice steady. “I think it’s the stomach flu.”

Luna guided him inside, her touch gentle but firm. “Let’s get you to bed,” she said, leading him towards their bedroom. But halfway down the hall, Daniel’s stomach lurched violently.

He wasn’t able to speak as he started feeling his lunch in his throat. He bolted for the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before he started vomiting.

The force of it made him gag and heave, his body emptying itself with a violent intensity. He gripped the edge of the toilet bowl, his knuckles white, as wave after wave of nausea wracked his body. Luna knelt beside him, rubbing his back soothingly.

“It’s okay, baby. Just let it out,” she murmured, her voice calm and comforting.

Daniel retched again, a loud, guttural sound that echoed in the small bathroom. His stomach spasmed painfully, expelling its contents in a series of agonising heaves. He gasped for breath between bouts, tears streaming down his face from the effort.

“Ugh, this is horrible..” he managed to say between retches, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I know, D. Just get it all out,” Luna said, continuing to rub his back. Her presence was a balm to his misery, grounding him as his body purged itself.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the vomiting subsided. Daniel slumped against the cool porcelain of the toilet, completely spent. Luna handed him a damp washcloth, and he wiped his face with a shaky hand.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, feeling weak and lightheaded. 

Luna smiled softly, brushing his hair back from his forehead. “Which one of them gave you this now? Don’t tell me it was Megan. Poor thing is always sick.”

Daniel chuckled weakly, appreciating her attempt to lighten the mood. “I honestly don’t know which one it was this time,” He burped lightly against his fist, grimacing slightly.

She helped him to his feet, guiding him to the sink where he rinsed his mouth out. “Straight to bed with you,” she said again, and this time, he didn’t resist.

Once in the bedroom, Luna tucked him in, placing a trash can beside the bed just in case. “Do you need anything? Water? Ginger ale?”

“Just you,” he said, reaching out for her hand.

She climbed into bed beside him, wrapping her arms around him. “Alright, alright. Try to rest.”

Daniel closed his eyes, comforted by her warmth and presence. But sleep was elusive. The nausea, while less intense, still simmered in his stomach, and every so often he’d moan softly in discomfort.

“I really hope this is a 24-hour bug,” he said after a while, his voice thick with exhaustion.

“I hope so too” she added, her fingers tracing soothing patterns on his back. She kissed his forehead, whispering. “Okay, go to sleep”

Daniel smiled, “Did you just shush me?” Luna giggled at that and hugged him tighter. 

They lay together in silence for a while, the room dark and quiet except for the occasional groan from Daniel as his stomach continued to churn. Luna’s presence was a constant comfort, and she loved a steady anchor in the storm of his illness.

Just as he was starting to drift off, another wave of nausea hit, and he bolted upright, reaching for the trash can. Luna was right there with him, rubbing his back as he retched again, his body convulsing with the effort.

“It’s okay, baby. Just let it out,” she said softly, her voice a soothing balm to his misery.

He heaved again, his stomach empty but still spasming painfully. When it finally subsided, he collapsed back onto the bed, utterly spent. “Fuck..” he muttered.

Hours passed in a blur of nausea and brief moments of fitful sleep. Luna’s unwavering presence made the ordeal a little more bearable, and as the night wore on, he began to feel a glimmer of hope that the worst was behind him.

By the early hours of the morning, the nausea had finally started to subside. Daniel lay in bed, exhausted but grateful for Luna’s care. “Thank you, Lu,” he said, his voice hoarse from vomiting. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’ll never have to find out,” she replied, snuggling close to him. “Now, try to get some rest. We’ll get you feeling better soon.”

Daniel nodded, closing his eyes as he let himself relax into the comfort of her embrace. As he drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but feel incredibly lucky to have someone like Luna by his side, someone who loved him unconditionally, no matter what. 

[jedi-enthusiast]

@confusledqueer apologizes for not responding sooner, it’s been a busy couple days and—honestly—I forgot for a bit.

Moving on-

—————

Me equating some of the things that anti-Jedi people say to antisemitism and, sometimes, outright Nazi-esque rhetoric is not “wild” or “a stretch,” as you’re implying.

Justification of their genocide, denial that it actually was a genocide, a belief that the genocided party “caused” their own genocide, and a belief that they genocided party were wrong or “led astray” while one person was sent to make things right- (via either making them change their ways or outright destroying them/their culture) -are all things I’ve seen people say about the Jedi…

…but they’re also things that people have actually said about Jews.

Take the example I put in the post of someone denying that the Jedi Purge was actually a genocide, and how—by changing “Jedi” to “Judaism” and “Force-religions” to “Abrahamic Faiths”—it sounds verbatim to Holocaust denial.

Or, as another example, people claiming that the Jedi “kidnapped kids to brainwash them”…don’t you see how that sounds like Blood Libel?

So me pointing out that a lot of stuff anti-Jedi people say sounds like antisemitic rhetoric isn’t a stretch, not when a lot of it sounds verbatim to what people are saying with the rise of antisemitism and stuff they have said in the past.

—————

Now, I’m not Jewish, but it’s not just me, your neighborhood White Girl™️, who’s pointing this stuff out.

Actual Jewish people have pointed out the alarming similarities between anti-Jedi rhetoric and straight up antisemitism. So, if you wanna argue about- “you shouldn’t compare real world discrimination to fictional stuff” -then you should probably take that into account.

Go ahead and try telling Jewish Star Wars fans to stop calling out antisemitic rhetoric in the fandom, I’m sure that’ll go down real well.

I also find it hilarious that you’re telling me to be careful about the rhetoric I use in a thread about how I shouldn’t point out that some of the rhetoric other people spout is basically antisemitism rebranded.

And my point in that post wasn’t- “since this is based off of a real world culture/religion, you can’t criticize it.”

My point was- “since this is based off of a real world culture/religion then you need to be careful about how you criticize it, otherwise you might unconsciously be spouting bigoted beliefs and antisemitic rhetoric because you don’t recognize that that’s what it is because you’re saying it about a fictional culture.”

By all means, I get that some people just don’t like the Jedi, that’s their prerogative and we all have our own tastes.

Criticize them, if you feel like it, but don’t go around spouting rebranded antisemitism to do it. I’m sure you can come up with plenty of things to complain about them for without doing so.

—————

Now, I can understand why you might be worried about the slippery slope from this to shit like actual censorship—which, I think we can all agree, is a bad thing. Or how you might think criticizing this could lead to the whole “fandom purity” debate.

My thing is, it all comes down to does it actually harm people?

Perpetuating harmful stereotypes via saying stuff like the Jewish based characters “steal children,” or “lost their way,” or “they caused/deserved their genocide”—that does cause actual harm.

Think about why the “angry black man” stereotype or the “cheating bisexual” stereotype are bad and people- (rightly) -push back against them. It’s the same thing here.

Shipping a problematic ship, calling a fictional serial killer “babygirl,” writing about dark topics*, headcanoning characters as gay or trans…none of that is actively harming people.

(*obviously when writing about dark topics you should tag appropriately so people can avoid triggers, but that’s another topic for another day)

That’s the difference.

And, for the record, I think letting people spout bigotry just because they’re saying it about something fictional is the more dangerous mindset than calling it out.

[dmercer91]

harls hcs?

misc. headcanons, th55

i could kiss you on the mouth right now anon you have no idea (18+ towards the end) (after a whole bunch of straight sappiness?? who am i)

he’s a horrible flirt but he’s even worse at hiding his feelings

so what you’re met with is an odd mix of him avoiding you and staring at you from afar, and him trying to smooth talk and ending up,, nowhere near that

eventually he does get tipsy enough to be able to get a word out without sounding like an idiot

once he’s sure that you’re into him the flirting capabilities go from zero to a hundred

to the point where he’s laying it on so thick you end up a little confused at if he wants to go out with you or just get you into bed

and you start to take a tone with him cause you did genuinely like him but now he’s coming off fuckboyish

you can visibly see the colour drain from his face

‘i sense i’ve fucked up somehow’

‘i’m not interested in hookups, harley.’

‘what? no! i don’t wanna fuck you? well, i mean i do- but, like, cause you’re my girlfriend! not yet, anyways but, like if-‘

‘tom. stop talking’

maybe you were a little bit of a good girl in school so there’s not a whole lot you’ve experienced

and he likes to tease about it

but he secretly loves being able to teach you about things

things that are so mundane to him that he just .. does them and then gets a good chuckle out of seeing your face

taking shots, telling you how it’s better if you don’t breathe before the chaser, smiling from ear to ear and giggling as he kisses your nose cause the face you made was just too cute

sharing a cigarette or a joint and him scrunching his face when you don’t actually inhale anything

‘why are you looking at me like that :(‘ ‘you. oh, my god. you need to, like, breathe it in, baby’

maybe you’d never learnt to drive and so he starts hard easy and has you drive on the highway. immediately.

discovering that you listen to the radio only and getting so offended that he makes you a playlist and then gets all flushed and fluttery when you actually listen to it and like his music

going to bars and hearing songs from that playlist and teaching you to dance like a dumb college girl rather than a tween at middle school grad

letting you feel like you actually can be a dumb college girl, letting you find your own way of living after being suffocated by expectations for so long

fully supporting you when you decide that maybe the major that was basically chosen for you isn’t right anymore and you want to go into something else

him noticing that you’ve purged your closet of your old style and are finding pieces that feel like you, and buying things he sees on roadies he thinks would fit that style

showing you the guilty pleasure of junk food and fast food

seeing your eyes light up the first time you have a fast food burger while you mutter through the food that it’s so good

laughing at you as you try and shove what’s essentially the entire container of fries into your mouth

watching as you try eight million new hobbies and helping you get things for each and every one of them until you find one that makes your face light up the way hockey has for him

showing you old movies you never got to watch as a kid and falling in love with your laugh

coming back from roadies to see you wide awake binging a tv show that came out in like, 2010 but you’re obsessed

and you wanted to stay up for him so you could see him after so long

‘you’re a nerd.’

‘this is addicting, tom, i don’t know what you want from me’

taking you to new places and watching the pure shock on your face at everything you never got to see while he’s hugging you from behind and staring at you

talking about ‘so pretty, hm?’ but he means something completely different

your personality growing more confident and your attitude growing tenfold but he’s never been so glad for anything

maybe that lack of experience extends to boys

and kisses and first times

so the first time you just really want to kiss him you ask him how to do it

and he’s horrid at explaining, so he tells you to just do it, and you don’t accept that as any reasonable response

‘no, explain it to me’

so he licks his lips and goes ‘kay, i’m gonna put my bottom lip here-’ while brushing his thumb along the underside of your top lip

‘n’ you’re gonna take it between yours, and kiss me’ and you kiss his thumb where it is on your lip and he nearly dies

but to pretend hes eeping any semblance of his shit together be hums and goes ‘yeah, baby. like that’

king of body worship

especially during the period where you’re not quite ready for a lot

but you’re okay with him taking clothes off and loving on you

so he does just that

kissing all over you and mumbling about how pretty every part of you is spending some extra time by your tummy and thighs to try and coax you into thinking about how they’re perfect

tracing his fingers and kissing along your bra until one day you’re whispering about how you want him to take it off

and his fingers on the clasp have your heart racing and the noise he makes when he gets to look at you makes your thigh twitch

he pays such good attention to them and your fingers are curled into his hair and every time your breath hitches or you moan faintly he’s responding with a hum or a groan or by nipping

maybe one day you’re in his lap and he’s kissing at your neck and your head loses a battle to your hips and they start moving

and he picks you up and sets you so his thigh is between your legs, not even blinking at the feeling of you grinding

‘sorry, tommy. m’ sorry’

and he’s worried at what you mean, so, ‘d’ you want me to stop, baby?’

‘no, no. i didn’t mean to move like that, m’ sorry for bein’ a tease’

‘did you like the way it felt?’

‘.. yeah. but i don’t want to go all the way, and i feel like im-‘

‘there has not been a single time you’ve been on me like this and i haven’t had to fix myself up. you do whatever you want, honey. and we stop when you want to stop.’

you giggled ‘really?’ ‘mh. you’re.. so hot, kissing pretty girls gives me a boner’ he smirked, kissing your cheek

‘think i’m pretty?’ ‘the prettiest. just f’ me’

‘mh. can i keep.. doing that?’ ‘yeah, baby. course you can’

the first time you suck him off he’s trying so hard to be gentle but you’re actually teasing this time

not on purpose, but he can’t handle it and his hips keep jolting

cause you’re not entirely sure what to do with yourself, so you settle for kissing him, sucking on the tip a little, looking up at him for guidance

he can’t

just cannot deal

‘need you to help me, tommy,’ you try, but he can only respond by squirming

‘just- how bout you just open up, n’ you can tap out if i’m being too rough, okay?’ and he grabs your hair and you nod

and the second he feels your mouth around him he’s a goner

and for someone who was worried about being too rough, he’s being so gentle

cause he pushes down so slow, n’ moves his hips up just barely

and with the way you’re staring at him and just,, letting drool fall down your chin, on top of how long it’s been since he’s been touched, he’s not lasting very long

‘you’re so fuck- oh baby, your mouth is so perfect, you’re so perfect f’ me’

he’s about to tell you he loves you, real talk.

he holds back just enough

for your first time, he can see how nervous you are and he knows it’s just gonna make everything worse

‘need you to relax for me, baby. can you do that?’

‘can you distract me?’ ‘baby i need to tell you when i-‘ ‘i trust you, tommy, please? gotta get my mind off it’

and reluctantly, he starts kissing you and waiting for your fingers to tangle into his hair and for you to go lax under him

and when he pushes into you, he makes one slow, deep thrust that has you pulling your mouth away and digging your nails into his shoulder

‘s’ that okay? m i hurting you?’

and you shake your head ‘just stings a little, feels… like pressure. you can move,’

and he does, tucking his head into her neck and trying to keep quiet

‘does it.. feel good, for you?’ you mumble, your worry blocking you from enjoying yourself

‘god, baby, you feel like f- nh, you feel like heaven,’

and your stomach twists and your walls flutter ‘really?’

‘f-fuck you can’t, baby, need you to relax for me,’ cause you’ve tensed back up and you’re squeezing him so tight

‘there we go, that’s it. s’at feel good?’ and his fingers combing through your hair have your eyes fluttering shut to focus on the feeling

and you mewl from feeling how deep he is, how stretched you feel

‘tommy-‘ you gasp, and he smiles, chuckles a little bit

‘feel so full, it’s so good, you’re so good’ you whined, the nails dug into his shoulder scratching down his back and earning a moan

‘good, baby, that’s good,’ and he needs to think about literally anything else so he can make sure you finish first

his fingers on your clit have your body on fire

you squeeze him out of pleasure this time and he can barely breathe

and he knows you’re so close

and when you flutter around him and start to fall apart under him, your eyes tearing and your nails deeper into his skin, he can barely muster up the ability to ask where you want him

and he comes on your tummy and you feel so sticky and warm and sated, that he’s chuckling and reminding you he needs to clean you up while you’re trying to pull him down to hold you

‘i know, baby. i know, lemme take care of you,’

[orathearsonman]

anyway so i’m rereading Villain With a Crush / Pure Villain and noticing some parallels between Han Doryeong (pictured left) and Tesilid (pictured right). hear me out for the next (checks watch) uhhhhh,

so both of them could be considered the face of their institution (doryeong more so since he’s practically a celebrity, tesilid on account of him being the Wielder of the Holy Sword)

both were taught and conditioned (?) from a young age— doryeong got his abilities as a newborn and was IMMEDIATELY on the special police radar because he was super strong. tesilid was taken in as one of the sacred sheep as a little orphan child and branded with the stigmata.

both of their powers exceed those around them (doryeong: woah, TWO POWERS?? tesilid: seven deadly sins and heavenly virtues let him power up)

ultimately, they are both somehow victims of their institution. doryeong’s been the best special officer practically since he was old enough to walk. he’s always been the hero, always been the people’s bastion of hope. for the longest time, he’s been burdened with the knowledge that if he ever falters or shows weakness, the people around him will lose their faith in the special police force. he has to win every battle / save every person / etc / etc. all the while, he’s haunted by the question: if he’s ever in danger, who will come to save him? now objectively tesilid has it worse; his childhood was stolen by the vatican treating him like a weapon and a tool to their own ideals. his hands were stained red with the blood of people that the vatican branded as heretics, inhuman, people that weren’t people at all but evil things meant to be purged. his morality struggled against the path he was forced into (it only gets worse during his regressions, of course).

both of them put on façades. for one reason or another, they have to act like pure, upstanding people (who are NOT undergoing a single mental health crisis, thank you very much). doryeong because he can’t let the public down despite his own fears (see above), tesilid because he feels he can’t risk showing that side of himself to ailette (because of that #sweet fear of rejection)

and both of them eventually meet a person (rosa, ai) who sees them as they are (debatable but it’s about the effect not the intention) and is powerful enough to protect them. when doryeong is in danger, who will protect him? rosa, who shatters an entire building headed straight for his face. tesilid forever wishes for a healer? no worries, ailette was studying a decade specifically for this. after forever being the hero now it’s THEIR turn to get deus ex machina’d. they don’t have to be the strongest person in the room or a smiling cutout. they have a chance to experience new things! smile genuinely! perhaps even… be a little bit jealous for once?? damn i never knew they had it in em.

doryeong and tesilid are different characters with different experiences and vibes. they’re not even set in remotely similar worlds. still, it’s difficult for me to not spot the similarities when they encompass so many tropes/archetypes i love (e.g. guy experiences genuine compassion for the first time, 10 dead, 27 injured)

[fumifooms]

Howl’s moving castle dunmeshi AU

I’ve cracked the code I know why I love Marcille x Chilchuck so much. They’re literally just like Howl’s Moving Castle Howl and Sophie. Okok indulge me for a sec I’m about to dump so many pics and ramble for a bit. I want you to see my marchil vision. It’s fabulous extra cringefail hopeless romantic drama queen x grumpy old sad angry caring hardworking person cursed to be here & cursing fate and giving tough love to everything in a miles radius. No one is safe. From either of them. Calcifer or Micheal is Izutsumi. Wait wait no Calcifer is Senshi and Michael is Izutsumi. Senshi as Calcifer works bc Calcifer is just chained to Howl and is there reminding Howl to not die and take care of himself, giving hints about how to break the curse to Sophie, also the fire demon cooks the eggs and bacon checkmate. And then LAIOS IS TURNIP HEAD OH MY GOD THAT WORKS OUT PERFECTLY. Chilchuck & Marcille, screaming terrified of the weird scarecrow chasing after them, meanwhile the weird scarecrow that’s harmless: :(. Wizard Suliman is Falin and the second fire demon is Winged Lion, so bam everything comes full circle.

I’m assuming most people who’ll see this post maybe saw the movie but not the book, and what you need to know is that the movie makes Howl so much dreamier and collected and cool, whereas in the book he’s just a drama queen 24/7 that’s it. He’s a wet cat dressed in expensive sparkly glittery gowns that needs to be yelled at to do anything he needs to do. He complains. He bemoans. Meanwhile Sophie is, honestly pretty like in the movie? Less contrarian and anger issues but will grumble and yells while cleaning nonetheless. Hardworking but will pathetically sit down on a chair in a dark corner to cry about her aching bones and OHH this is ALL because she’s the eldest child and she was doomed for unhappiness and no one can ever love her… So she’ll whack everyone into order and purge her feelings through aggressive cleaning and using weed killer. IS THIS NOT GIVING MARCILLE & CHIL TO YOU?!

There’s this funny widespread take from the fandom:

And it couldn’t be more true in a marchil context either. Like come on. For all of this post just swap the names of Howl for Marcille and Sophie for Chilchuck.

(Last one with the art by Cookiekappa on Tumblr)

Tell me this isn’t so Marcille. Tell me Chil wouldn’t run away from home thinking he’s failed life and is no longer in shape to work and now has to waddle in self-pity, seeking out wizards which he hates and finds shady bc it’s his last option, and then end up a maid & cleans everything out of spite and also worry for the person living there. Tell me Marcille wouldn’t throw a depressed slime tantrum so bad that it causes a partial town evacuation because her wails summon unknown horrors, over her HAIR. Forget slime she’d blow up the house instantly. She would breakdance as refusal to go see the king. Chilchuck would call her a slitherer-outer and she would gasp in offense and they’d have a fight.

Marcille having full on poems laying around and then Chil & Izu seeing them and being like "Ah yes, this must be a spell, it makes no sense and is so extra, just like how silly our resident witch and her magic is". Izutsumi going "Okay peepaw I’ll teach you how to use a magical bucket just take one step forward-" and they immediately fuck it up and they’re left stranded in far unknown lands. Chilchuck complaining that HIS BACK HURTS. And at every turn or something mildly inconveniencing him "NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS TO THE MIDDLE CHILD".

And can we talk about the aging motif, the curse… Marcille never letting herself grow close to someone even though she does all these grand gestures for them at first. Meanwhile her fear of loss stares at her straight in the eye whenever she looks at 90 years old Chilchuck, and her deciding to not run away from their relationship is what ends up healing both of them. She gets over her fear of intimacy and he grows over feeling like a terribly dull unlovable failure. Me sobbing when I remember how Sophie’s curse of being old is a self-inflicted manifestation of herself thinking she’s romantically unlovable and weak…….

This is it for now but rest assured that I want to make art of this, have these memes for now

[gunsli-01]

Okay you asked for this one- So, let’s talk about Futa, Mikoto, and Kotoko and the escalation in violence portrayed through the three of them.

Futa is the first prisoner to be overtly violent during their interrogation. His violence may seem completely reactionary in nature, but a pattern presents itself when he is compared to the other two outwardly violent inmates.

Futa- Reactionary Self-justifiable violence.

If you come at him, he’ll come back at you just as hard if not more. However, if you don’t, he’s not likely to escalate the situation to violence first. This is something alluded to within his first trial written interrogation and Backdraft.

Q.12 Do you think the other prisoners should be forgiven for their “murder”?

Futa: People who resort to violence are shit! You only do stuff like that if you’re stupid.

“Bust out, explode that counter uppercut!”

Futa will respond to violence with violence. Because he believes once someone has brought it to that level that person has essentially brought whatever happens to them next on themselves. He’s justified in attacking because he’s just reacting to an attack. Even if what he does is worse than what was done to him.

This also plays a part in why he has to hype himself up so much before running at Es. Since Es has done nothing to attack him personally yet Futa has to come up with many justifications of his own to warrant him escalating it to violence. Even before entering the interrogation room-

20/09/18 (Futa’s First Trial)

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok……

Kotoko: What’s up, Futa. ……your breathing seems a bit uneven?

Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……!

Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it- To seeing what your “justice” really is.

Then during his interrogation Futa only lunges at Es after Es taunts him with,

“Not used to lying, are you?”

After repeatedly reading Futa’s mannerisms/body language and stating aloud why they make him appear more guilty.

Futa’s response to Es’ admitted provocations was to lunge at him while yelling, “Cut it out, asshole!” Giving us our first instance of the force that stops the prisoners from hitting Es being triggered.

Throughout his interrogation he brings up the many ways Milgram and Es through association to the facility has violated his rights and continues to look down on him. Culminating in,

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! Don’t go around evaluating people like you’re better than everyone else. Once I get outta here, I’m going to sue this place! You as well! You better not be thinking you’ll get off scot-free. I’ll never forgive you, bad guys. And, this place is called Milgram- I’ll crush it down as well!”

Futa is keeping track of every slight and he seems to be the one to pay it back in kind and then some.

Mikoto- Defensive Justifiable Subjugating Violence.

Pretty straight forward. Mikoto will do anything to defend himself from perceived threats whether they be mental or physical threats. Anything that can do harm to him will be met with a firm denial. He will escalate things to violence first if provoked enough. However, the fun part comes in during the second half.

Unlike Futa and Kotoko who will more than likely help someone meet their maker Mikoto will not be helping anyone get an early visitation pass to the next life. Instead, the purpose behind his violence is to get whatever is disturbing him under his control. Very similar to Amane’s line in Purge March of,

“Let’s strangle his throat thoroughly, so he will never talk back.”

What some may have interpreted as hinting at murder here is actually Amane stating quite literally, she is going to strangle this person so thoroughly that they will never be able to talk back to her again. Since being strangled can lead to voice loss this doesn’t necessarily mean she’s going to kill who she’s referring to. Just exactly what she’s saying she’s going to strangle them well enough that they won’t be physically capable of talking back to her regardless of if they still want/have the courage to after this or not.

X

The intention just like with Mikoto isn’t to murder but to subjugate or teach the other party a lesson. This is implied in Mikoto’s voice drama when he says,

“You prefer it when it hurts more, huh? That’s fine. I’ll beat you up all you want.”

The implication being Es' actions are causing him to behave this way and until Es learns how to act, he can do this all day. Something that is once again implied and played with through his birthday interaction with Kotoko.

(2022/12/15)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It's been a while. We were isolated for some time but, how are you doing? Lots of things happened, but for now let's get along. Here, it's your birthday right? I figured that no one would come celebrate it for you, so I came to wish you a happy birthday.

Kotoko: ...What a carefree person you are. Someone as atrocious as you won't be forgiven next time too, surely. When that time comes, it'll be your last. Next time, I'll kill you.

Mikoto: Haah? Why don't you try it then, you lunatic. I'll crush anyone who tries to harm me.... I'll make sure to thoroughly beat you at your own game...!!

Kotoko: Hmph. The boundaries have gotten more blurred, it seems. Your existence itself is a crime. I will give you your punishment. This is MILGRAM's, Es', and also my own decision.

This is more than likely why he only fights Kotoko to the point of making her back down. Because her fleeing or needing to retreat is also a sign of him being the dominant force in that interaction. Meaning this conversation is the other guy literally just saying if we play this game again, I'll thoroughly beat some sense into you and leave you groveling at my feet.

However, when keeping control of the situation/outside influence is no longer a viable option he may resort to eradicating the source of the issue.

"Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it."

Mikoto and Amane be like, "When all else fails removing it from this earth won't."

This means chances are he isn’t really asking Kotoko to work with him. He’s expressly asking for her to be a subordinate of his but disguising it as a partnership. Not too dissimilar to what Kotoko does with Es.

Speaking of-

Kotoko- Systemically Justifiable Violence

Kotoko unlike Futa and Mikoto is somewhat incapable of justifying her own behavior. Possibly because on some level she knows she’s just doing it for her own fulfilment. So, instead she looks to systems to validate her actions.

Either saying that she is doing this to protect the weak and overlooked. A thing that someone in her position of privilege should definitely do in her own opinion. I mean if she has the power and access to resources needed to work against these systems it would be worse if she just did nothing, right?

Her and her access to martial arts training from a young age-

Q.04 When did you start learning martial arts?

Kotoko: When I was in primary school, I think? Without enough power, justice won’t be upheld.

Since she stated primary school, she started doing martial arts between the ages of 6-12. She has also been trained to the point at which she can self-study/train without an instructor present. Yet for some reason she is literally over the moon at a treadmill in the crossover. Though that’s not too weird considering her instruction may not have involved that sort of equipment.

Q.05 What do you do to pass time in the prison?

Kotoko: Training and meditation.

X

Couple that with such training not being free. She either went to a very well-off school or her family paid for classes.

It doesn’t matter if she hasn’t experienced the same hardships or misfortunes. She knows something bad when she sees it.

Q.18 Have you ever personally been persecuted in the past?

Kotoko: I haven’t. But are you trying to say that if you haven’t had those experiences you can’t hate evildoers?

The system is flawed and needs strong people like her to fix it. Those who are weak and can’t even protect themselves should just sit back and let her protect them.

Q.15 Which is more important, the objective or the means?

Kotoko: Objective. Does that not go without saying?

Q.16 How do you feel about extenuating circumstances?

Kotoko: I think it’s important to consider. I don’t believe it’s true that all crime is inherently evil, so obviously the situation should be taken into account.

Q.20 What do you consider “evil”?

Kotoko: The persecution of the weak and innocent.

"From the beginning I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!"

If there is a system that aligns with her beliefs- It doesn’t matter if pieces of it go against her or if the weak agree with her methods or not. If it’s for the sake of her goal, then anything is worth doing. Anything and everything goes as long as she feels that those actions are bringing her closer to the outcome she desires.

“Let’s give justice to the bad guys!” / “Why? Why stop me? Don’t stop! I need a good reason to give justice! Give me my next purpose!”

Even if Es says her actions are wrong Milgram has judged everyone within it as murderers. She knows that just by them all being there. So, who’s to say she wouldn’t just default to that.

“This is MILGRAM's, Es', and also my own decision.”

Es is second to Milgram after all. Kotoko's whole thing is wanting someone or something to give her actions a reason. However, as soon as the source of that reason defies her well, we have a perfect example of her turning on one of those reasons right up there.

[highladyluck]

so uh Vorkosigan, would you recommend it, and if so where do I start, I hear there are reading order issues?

I’m a big fan and I think it would appeal to people who like ‘doing your absolute best to improve and thrive within the unfair constraints you’re given’ as a theme and political milieu. The internal structural storytelling work is particularly fine & makes them very satisfying; structurally they remind me of Diane Diane’s work and that is high praise, she really knows how to build ‘em.

Beyond the obv comparison of Mat Cauthon in his accidentally recruiting the Band of the Red Hand era, it reminds me of a couple series that you might be familiar with or at least have heard of?

Megan Whalen Turner’s King’s Thief series because Miles is essentially a noble rogue fighter & there’s a big focus on culture and politics including the politics of disability, and also because of the enemies to lovers arc.

Arkady Martinez’s Teixcalaanli series in terms of like… coping with an empire you love that doesn’t love you back, and other issues of identity.

Period romances like Pride and Prejudice, and some Georgette Heyer novels (she’s famous for excellent regency romance).

There are a lot of genres including coming of age, adventure, period piece & romance mixed in with the SF, which means you can kind of jump around to suit your mood. It’s a bit like Discworld in that there are multiple potential starting places, but also clear internal arcs that work best if read in chronological order.

I used this guide: https://bookriot.com/vorkosigan-saga-reading-order/ which is mostly chronological with a few exceptions for maximum emotional impact. The guide also explains the omnibus editions (which is part of why it can be confusing to figure out the reading order). Just don’t read in publication order, it makes no sense that way.

I recommend starting with Shards of Honor and then Barrayar if you want to start at the beginning, you want a female POV character, and you are in the mood for some great enemies to lovers romance. (This is the story of Miles’s parents.)

If you’re more in the mood for ‘coming of age adventure where a young man with many problems accidentally recruits a mercenary army’, you can start with The Warrior’s Apprentice and then The Vor Game. (The series is mostly about Miles so this is the ‘straight to the main character please’ version.)

There are some content warnings for sexual assault in Shards of Honor (I’d put it at around the Robert Jordan balance of explicit description vs implication) and sooooo many content warnings for Mirror Dance (physical and psychological torture including sexual assault & exacerbation of a character’s binging and purging eating disorder- it’s handled well but it is more explicit & goes farther than what happens in Shards of Honor.) Komarr has domestic abuse (emotional). Lots of heavy stuff but it is dealt with in a thoughtful and nuanced way, and characters have chances to heal afterwards.

Your library probably has them in physical and ebook form, and you can also find them for around 6-8 per novel as ebooks (the omnibus editions are a better deal as ebooks). A used bookstore with an SF section probably has one or two as well, they’ve been around for 35 years.

[x-on-the-calendar-business]

ryan ross iceberg (tier 2)

tier 1, tier 3, tier 4, tier 5, tier 6, tier 7, tier 8

the tip of the iceberg:

the young veins:

this is the band that ryan and jon started after they split from panic! it included a few other members, and often times ryan’s good friends z berg and alex greenwald (of phantom planet), who will be mentioned more later on. they only released one album in 2010, called take a vacation! they played some live shows, but at the end of that same year, they went on an indefinite hiatus. HOWEVER, they made an official instagram account and have been active this year!! it’s likely that it's because there will be vinyl repress (further supported by a comment jon left on their only post) but it’s super cool nonetheless [i].

this is a personal aside, but i honestly like this band more than anything panic! released post split, with the exception of new perspective and the calendar. like god this was such a good fucking band.

dottie, elwood, and hobo:

these were all ryan’s dogs.

hobo was the dog he got in 2006. however, when he and keltie (we will discuss her soon) broke up, she took her with her [ii].

dottie was a dog he got circa 2015.

elwood is the dog he got in 2017.

i’m not sure if ryan still has dottie and elwood since he has pretty much disappeared from the internet.

eta: i misspelled elwood's name as elmwood in the iceberg image. sorry about that!

z berg:

this is one of ryan’s exes and his bestie. they dated around 2009/2010. they still hang out today and he’s made appearances at these events she does called proms. she gives us the majority of ryan content that we’ve gotten in the past few years.

he featured on one of her songs, “the bad list,” and she featured of the young veins cover of “nothing matters but you.” she will come up more in other entries as well, which is why i'm not going super in depth here.

throam:

whew.

this is a ryden fic – probably the most iconic after the milk fic – called the heart rate of a mouse, written by anna green. it was originally posted on livejournal, and it’s LONG, coming in at 3 volumes and over 500k words.

the plot summary is that in the 1970s, ryan is the lead singer/guitarist of a famous band called the followers, and brendon is a roadie on their tour. brendon is openly gay, and ryan and brendon start hooking up, even though ryan is “straight.” from there, the series becomes 3 volumes of angst and pining. of course, there’s so much more that happens, but i won’t say too much for the sake of spoilers.

despite it being a ryden fic, it’s incredibly well written (if you’re able to get past the explicit smut), so i do recommend reading it at least once in your life. i’m gonna keep it 100, i’ve read this series at least 10 times with a yearly reread and have physical copies of it.

anna also wrote some ficlets to go along with it, such as one from brendon’s pov and just some extra stuff that didn’t end up in the final cut. she also wrote a lot of other iconic fics (all of which i also recommend), like the black rose season, how a resurrection really feels, posing in a ballroom, miguel sanchez’s grand slam of love, amongst many, many others. sadly, she purged her entire livejournal account, so you would have to turn to internet archives to read anything other than throam [iii].

unfortunately, this fic also reached the icon status that the milk fic did so multiple people from the bandom sphere know about it and have acknowledged it. for example, keltie, ryan’s ex-girlfriend, has read it and mentioned it on twitter multiple times (embarrassing for her but whatever) [iv]. jon tweeted about it once [v]. also, i swear that vicky t from cobra starship mentioned it (i wanna say it was on instagram, but i could be wrong); however, i can’t find the comment she made anymore.

link to throam for those who are curious

jac and keltie:

these are two of ryan’s exes from the panic! days.

jac vanek was a scene queen in the early 2000s, and they dated from november 2005 until feburary 2006 [vi]. it was a pretty cringey teenage relationship that was overly (grossly) chronicled on livejournal, and if you’re interested to read more, there will be a link in a later tier.

an interesting tidbit is that while ryan was dating jac, brendon was dating another scene queen named audrey kitching, which will also come up later in this iceberg.

keltie knight (née colleen) and ryan started their relationship in august 2006 after meeting at the vmas, where panic! was performing and keltie was a backup dancer (she was a rockette). he was 19 and she was 24, which may not seem like a big deal, but it definitely played into some power dynamics in their relationship. for example, in keltie’s book, she says she often had pay ryan's bills for him. also in her book, she stated that he didn't take their relationship seriously, leading him to propose to her and asking her to move in (maybe he wasn't taking it as seriously as you because he was barely in his 20s keltie just a thought). they broke up in 2009 right before the split. we’ll touch on that again later. there is honestly so much more that i could say about this relationship/keltie, but some of it will be covered in this iceberg and the rest will be linked along with the jac info.

sun and moon:

another ryden entry. this refers to a theory about ryan and brendon about which one is considered the moon, and the other is the sun; it’s based on their personalities, like who embodies which more. polar opposites and all that. when ryden was still relevant, who is the moon vs who is the sun was a hotly debated topic (ryan is the moon, while brendon is the sun is the only correct answer).

this also loosely tied into some lyrics from panic and their solo music. for example, when the day met the night is often referenced in relation to this theory, although this song is definitely about keltie [vii]. also, in 2014 ryan wrote lonely moonlight, which also could refer back to this theory and kind of calls back to the lyrics in when the day met the night [viii]. however, this song is most likely about keltie too, if not another past relationship (not brendon).

dead end kids club:

this is a band/touring project that ryan was part of, including z berg, dan keyes, and the band palm springsteen. it was first announced in july, 2019. later that same year, they went on tour, hitting 8 cities for fall balls. this was referred to as the “1st annual” but….[ix]

in 2020, they released a song called lonesome town that featured a lot of videos from fans [x]. also that year, palm springsteen was accused of assault, which dekc posted a couple of statements about on twitter, here and here, stating that they had been removed from the project “a long time ago” [xi]. they pretty much disbanded after that and haven’t been active since october 2020.

livejournal:

iconic. livejournal (aka lj) was basically tumblr before tumblr existed. similarly, it could be used as a personal blog, a place to post rpf fic, an emo poetry hub, a photo album, etc. it’s on this iceberg because ryan was very prolific on livejournal, under the username i_amclandestine, and it’s essentially where panic! got its start. ryan made contact with pete wentz through lj, sending him the early demos, which lead to pete signing them and then cue domino effect to a taylor swift song.

anyway, ryan made many iconic posts on there, some of which will be addressed directly in this iceberg, but i will leave a link to an archive of his lj account for further viewing. he made his last post in june of 2006, but he deleted the account in july of that year after receiving a spam of hate. at the same time, brendon changed his (part_time_lovah) to friends only [xii].

along with the links to ryan’s old lj, i’m also going to link a youtube video by one of my favorite channels, the cozy representative, in which julian goes through ryan’s posts.

this is the web archive for ryan’s lj (does not include his last post):

this is a tumblr masterpost of all of his entries, including the last one missing from the above link:

and finally, julian’s video:

ryan and spencer childhood besties:

ryan and spencer became friends when they were around 5 or so years old, which was always the saddest part of the 2009 split to me. ryan and spencer were in the og band before panic!, which will be discussed later.

in 2016, spencer’s wife tweeted that ryan and spencer were still friends. however, ryan did not attend spencer’s wedding, which could have been for a number of reasons, one of which we will also discuss more heavily later on [xiii]. of course, there is no way for us to know whether ryan wasn’t invited or if he just decided not to go.

mcr makes me dance:

in 2004, ryan went to the chemicalromance livejournal community and posted, “hey im ryan im new i live in las vegas my chemical romance makes me dance” and history was made [xiv]. this became a "meme" amongst panic! fans, and they started bringing signs with that phrase written on them for ryan told in pics. this has continued even in recent times.

newsboy cap:

this is another iconic piece of ryan ross fashion. he wore it a lot in 2004-2006 cause he’s a little fruity. like seriously, this hat had him in the biggest chokehold.

now, we move onto some of the deeper stuff and into the waters.

tier 3

references:

[i] https://www.instagram.com/theyoungveinsmusic/

[ii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171475122211/did-keltie-knight-ever-steal-ryans-dog-or

[iii] https://web.archive.org/web/20170606154418/http:/beggarsnotes.livejournal.com/

[iv] https://youngveins.tumblr.com/post/141384273691/keltie-has-read-throam-this-is-not-the-twitter

[v] https://twitter.com/iamjonwalker/status/958805938227433472

[vi] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/170958104996/the-tragic-love-life-of-ryan-ross-part-2

[vii] https://genius.com/Panic-at-the-disco-when-the-day-met-the-night-lyrics

[viii] https://genius.com/Ryan-ross-lonely-moonlight-lyrics

[ix]https://www.instagram.com/thedeadendkidsclub/?hl=en

[x] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzcWGQQiFDU

[xi] https://twitter.com/DeadEndKidsClub/status/1275849828459823105, https://twitter.com/DeadEndKidsClub/status/1283511345330049026

[xii] https://prettyoddfever.tumblr.com/post/629056560433446912/why-ryan-ross-deleted-his-livejournal-and-brendon

[xiii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171901498176/so-i-saw-your-ryanspencer-post-and-i-was-just

[xiv] https://chemicalromance.livejournal.com/96360.html?page=1

[your-divine-ribs]

Red Part 16

Words: 2.6k

Another angsty part // This is the last complete chapter I’ve written for this story but I do want to complete it, I’m just royally stuck // Thanks for reading so far ❤️

Red Masterlist Main Masterlist

You should have left the party there and then. The damage had already been done. It was devastating and irreversible, so what was the point in hanging around and prolonging the agony, caught in some kind of torturous purgatory, awaiting judgement day?

You supposed a twisted part of you welcomed the nauseating feeling of dread that slowly and surely descended with each passing minute, watching on as Larry and Sophie carelessly knocked back shot after shot from across the room. You deserved it after all. You deserved every ounce of guilt and shame and uneasiness and you had no one to blame but yourself and your loose morals.

Van had sloped off for a smoke not long after your chat and now he was back but you were trying your best to keep distance between you both. He reminded you of an animal in a cage, dark hooded eyes darting around the room, restless, nervous energy spurring him on to pace back and forth. It was like you were both suspended there, awaiting your fate, tormenting yourselves.

"Good party eh?"

You don't realise the question's being aimed at you until you feel a large hand coming to rest on your shoulder, stirring you from your anxious thoughts. You look up to see Johnny smiling down on you, his trademark lopsided grin and heavy-lidded dopey expression sparking a tiny bit of warmth into your troubled heart.

"Yeah, yeah, I guess so, but I'm pretty smashed so... you know... my opinion doesn't really count for much."

You shrug lightly, trying for a smile which feels unnatural, feeling Johnny's large hand curl around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

"What's up love? I know something's wrong. You've not been yourself all night... and to be completely honest I don't think you've been yourself for weeks now. Don't try to tell me everything's fine, I know you too well. I know that look."

"What look?" You reply, consciously trying to loosen your stiff limbs and iron out the frown that seems to have taken residence on your face of late. You know it's useless playing dumb. Johnny possesses an uncanny knack of working you out.

"You know full well," he answers, expression full of sympathy and eagerness to understand. "Now come on... tell me what's up. You know it'll go no further. You can trust me."

You look up into his warm eyes and consider how it might feel to purge yourself of your troubles. Johnny's such a kind soul and a good friend, always ready to listen to your woes and offer his honest brand of advice, but you wonder how he might react if he learnt the real truth. The fact that two of his best friends have been sneaking around behind everyone's backs, cheating and lying shamelessly, too wrapped up in their own selfish desires to give much thought to the people that love and care about them the most.

"It's nothing... really. I just need to get my head straight about something, that's all."

As you talk you let your gaze wander over to Larry and Sophie again, see her throw her head back in a genuine laugh, a natural effervescence that's been conspicuously absent in your relationship for quite some time now. You quickly look away, but not before Johnny's followed your gaze and turned back to you, eyebrows slightly raised as he scans your face for a tell.

"Look... I might be well out of order saying this so you can tell me to back off and mind me own business, but I reckon I'd also be just as out of order to not say anything considering you're my good mate and I love ya so much..."

"Think you've had way too much to drink you soppy bugger!" You interrupt him quickly, afraid to hear what he's got to say, making to pull away but he holds you still, a firm hand on either shoulder now. He's facing you and there's nowhere to hide.

"Aye, I 'ave had a skinful, but I'm not blind. I know something's happened between you and Larry... something's changed. He's been laughing and drinking with Sophie all night and you've been skulking around getting pissed on yer own..."

"We're not joined at the hip you know!" You blurt defensively with more force than you intend. You check yourself, lowering your voice, catching sight of Van peering at you from his current spot leaning against the far wall. "I'm not that needy girlfriend that gets jealous about her boyfriend having a female friend. I don't need to be with Larry every second of the day..."

"That's just it!" Johnny cuts in. "You and Larry are always together... well you used to be. I'm not just talking about the party tonight either. You've not been round his place for weeks..."

"I was ill!"

Johnny ignores you, speaking in hushed but firm tones, listing his observations. "You're distracted all the time, you never smile any more, you've lost that little... spark you used to have. At the Halloween party you threw it almost felt like you were doing everything to avoid Larry. Christ, you even seem to be favouring Van's company over his these days!"

He chuckles at the absurdity of what he's saying and your heart lurches, a wave of hot guilt washing over you. "That's just ridiculous..."

"Yeah it is," he agrees, his smile quickly fading as the concern pools in his eyes once again. "You know, life has a habit of throwing up shit when you least expect it. People change, feelings change, things you just expect to go on forever end up running their course..."

He trails off, eyeing you warily.

"Quit talking in riddles and just tell me what you mean," you implore. Now you just want to hear Johnny spell it out. You're at your limit and you're tired, the prospect of sharing even a tiny part of your burden so welcoming.

"If things aren't going well you ought to talk about it rather than just ignoring it. Can tear you apart ya know... make you end up resenting the other person. Once you start keeping stuff from each other it's all downhill from there."

You swallow deeply, trying to gather your scattered thoughts. Even by Johnny's standards this seems too insightful. You're positive you've not been acting way out of character but maybe you're not as good an actress as you thought. Maybe your guilt clings to you so stubbornly that it's visible to anyone who cares to look close enough. Unless...

The thought sparks like a flint. "Has Larry said anything... to you... about me and him?"

Now Johnny looks really uncomfortable and you feel something stretch taut inside you. You're instantly transported back to the taxi-ride with Van where you batted away his suspicions about Larry and Sophie like the idea was preposterous. "Johnny... do you know something that I don't?"

"Nothing! It's nothing!" His hands leave your shoulders, flying upwards animatedly. "It's just a feeling, that's all. It's not just you that's been acting differently... it's Larry too. I asked him if everything was okay and he about bit my head off... and it's not like Larry to get all defensive."

You glance across the room again but this time Larry and Sophie have disappeared. Unease stirs inside you and you quickly excuse yourself from Johnny, darting forward, scanning the room as you go.

"Y/N... wait..." Johnny calls after you, but you ignore him and he lets you go, distracted by another party-goer.

You stride over to the far side of the suite where Larry and Sophie had been drinking, turning your head this way and that, trying to catch sight of a familiar face. It's busy over there, small groups gathered closely huddled together, but it doesn't take you long to work out that Larry and Sophie are no longer there. In fact they're nowhere to be seen at all.

You turn around quickly, mind whirring, looking all over but drawing a blank. They can't have gone far... surely?

"What's up Y/N? You look lost." All of a sudden Benji's there, enquiring look on his face as he clutches a can of lager and sways in front of you. "If you're looking for that boyfriend of yours he's just left. Looks in a proper state... can hardly stand up! It's a good job Sophie's strong, she was practically carrying him." He sniggers. "Mind you, she looked wasted too. Proper lightweights, the pair of 'em!"

He laughs heartily but you don't join in, there's a cacophony of alarm bells ringing in your head and your throat feels tight. In your mind you can picture Sophie letting loose and spilling all of your dark and dirty secrets to Larry whilst they're both inebriated... but that's not all. There's a small seed of doubt that's taken root somewhere in the recesses of your brain, an unwelcome thought that asks how far Sophie might go to seek revenge on you and Van, her wounded pride turning itself on you to give you what would surely be a well-deserved taste of your own medicine.

Before you can even think straight about where they might be and what they might be up to, you're reacting, barrelling straight for the main door and wrenching it open, bursting through into the empty corridor beyond. You don't realise that anyone's following you until you feel a large hand wrapping around the crook of your arm, bringing you to a standstill. You whirl around as the hotel room door closes to see Van standing there, eyes red-rimmed and tired looking, face twisted into a deep frown.

"Where ya going? You're not leaving are ya?"

"Where's Larry and Sophie... have you seen them?" You blurt quickly, panic evident in your voice but Van doesn't react to it. He looks resigned as he replies with a dejected shrug.

"Yeah, saw 'em leave through this door just a few minutes ago, dunno where they were going though."

The fact that he's not outwardly displaying any of the anxiety that's gripping you just exacerbates your agitation even further.

"What the fuck's wrong with you?" You lash out at him, reaching for his shoulders and pushing him back sharply in frustration. "Don't you care what happens? Sophie's probably telling Larry what we've been up to right this very minute."

Van stumbles back, his body sagging in defeat. "Well, the truth's going to come out sooner or later anyway. May as well get it over and done with."

"You've certainly changed your tune," you hiss, amazed at his change in attitude. "What happened to you trying to persuade Sophie to stay quiet? I thought we were in this together? If this comes out now it'll ruin everything!"

"Everything's already ruined anyway though isn't it?" Van bites back, his expression hardening, his eyes pooling with hurt. "I've as good as lost my best mate. He'll never want to speak to me again after this... and I've gone and lost you too. You said so yourself, there's no us and there never will be. That's it, it's over... for good. Everything's fucked."

His words cleave into your heart like a dagger, your throat thick with emotion as you try to suppress the sob that's building inside. His devastation is clear and you feel it too but you can't address those feelings now. You can't afford to let your guard down and grieve for a relationship that never was. You can do that later when you're alone with your thoughts and your regrets. You can fall apart then. For now there's more pressing matters at hand.

This time when you reach for Van you're gentle, fingers smoothing over the shoulders of his shirt as he looks down at you hopelessly. "Van... please. We can't do this now, I need to find Larry. I can't risk him finding out anything from Sophie, it needs to come from me. I need time... just a little more time. I need to find the right moment."

He sighs deeply, softening at your touch. "You really think there's ever going to be a right moment for something like this?"

"I know it's definitely not here and now while we're all drunk like this, that's for sure. Apparently Larry's a right state, Benji said he could hardly stand up."

You let your eyes dart up and down the corridor, releasing Van and stepping back, unwelcome thoughts still plaguing you. "I mean where the hell did they go? And what are they up to? I was thinking about what you said earlier. They could be... what if they're..."

You come to a stop, unable to formulate the words, guilt choking you up for even considering it after your own appalling actions. Much as you're loathe to admit it there's a tiny twisted part of you that taunts you that you'd be relieved to catch your boyfriend in a compromising position, like somehow it would lessen your own guilt. You quickly bat the thought away, sickened with yourself.

Van looks pained. "I shouldn't have said that, it was wrong of me. I was just being a dick and trying to make myself feel better. Of course I don't think Larry'd do that to you, he loves you too much and he's the most loyal person I know. I'd trust 'im with me life for christ's sake!" He pushes both hands through his hair, his face twisting in anguish as his own words sink in.

"Shit Y/N... what the fuck have we done?" He says quietly.

So much passes between you in that moment, yearning, loss, a realisation that things have shifted irrevocably and will never be the same again. You wish that you could go back to the start and obliterate everything, every lingering glance that you two shared, every whispered temptation, every fleeting touch that led to so much more. You wish you could raze it all to the ground and start over again... but you can't and what's done is done. You have to move forward into whatever direction the future takes you, towed along by the current of fate into whatever uncertain path that's destined for you both.

"I hate seeing you like this love," Van says, his voice barely audible, choked with emotion. "I really wanna hold you... I just wanna hold you and tell you that everything's gonna be okay but I can't."

"I want that too," you croak out, trying to stifle a sob. All you want is to sink into his arms and melt away, feel the steady beat of his heart against your cheek as you burrow into his chest, feel the comforting warmth of his body cocooning you. "I'm so sorry Van."

"I'm sorry too... and I'd take it all back if I could, but it still wouldn't change the way that I feel about you. That won't ever change... no matter what happens."

He stands there forlorn, a shadow of his former self, his shoulders hunched and his head hanging like a wilted flower. You watch as he digs a hand into his back jeans pocket and produces a hotel room key card.

"Here... this is the key to my room," he mumbles. "Me and Sophie booked a room when we arrived earlier today. Larry might be in there. You should go to him."

"Thanks," you mumble, taking it from him, trying to ignore the featherlight touch of your fingers brushing, the electricity it still sparks despite everything.

Your heart's a rock, crashing against your rib cage, desperate to break free and flee your traitorous body. You close your eyes for a second, steeling yourself, and then you're stepping away, closer to your uncertain fate and away from Van.

He lets you go.