#in the sense that it was an autism trap

[badmemoryneko]

finally decided to watch the doctor who pilot and it was like

[naivety]

okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?

like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.

[ingravinoveritas]

Did you see Neil's tumbler post about autism?? I never knew. Did he ever said anything about it before? My son was recently diagnosed, and Neil saying that he's autistic made me feel... I don't know, connection to him in a new way? Recognized? Hopefull? I don't have the words. Just wanted to hear your thoughts on it. I hope i didn't come off as offensive in some way. English is not my native language.

Hi there! I am slightly behind in Asks, so apologies to folks who have been sending them in over the past few days--trying my best to catch up now.

Firstly, you did not come off as offensive at all, so please don't worry! And yes, I did see Neil's Tumblr post (it's here, for those who might have missed it), and it's given me quite a lot of feelings, for reasons that would probably be expected.

I think what immediately came to mind when I read his post was a conversation I had with Neil when I met him back in November at a tribute to Ray Bradbury. I told him how much I was struck by the story he'd read, as it felt very much like an allegory for autism and resonated so much with my own experiences as an autistic person. He seemed to appreciate my comments and agreed with my observation, but never at any point in our conversation mentioned anything about identifying as autistic himself.

Does that necessarily mean anything? Of course not. I know that Neil does not owe me (or anyone else) a disclosure, and the decision to disclose is a very personal one that each person has to make for themselves. But thinking of Neil's post the other day, I'm also reluctant--for a variety of reasons--to say that it is a disclosure, or Neil definitely stating that he is autistic.

When I got your Ask on Friday morning, I was eager to answer it, though I knew I would have to wait because I was at work. Soon after, I had a difficult, emotionally draining meeting with my two supervisors. I ended up crying at work--which I have now realized is a trauma response--and by the time I got home and was starting to process everything, it was difficult not to look at Neil's post and flinch, particularly at the mention of "superpowers." That day, for the first time in a very long time, I could only feel the "kryptonite" part of being autistic. (My personal stance is that I have never considered autism to be a "super power," but something that is neither all good or all bad, and is part of who I am, yet not all of who I am.)

And from the conversation I had with my supervisors, I felt the responsibility and the pressure of other people seeing me in ways that I never intended--and regardless of whether I want to be seen that way. (For context: This was about my work as a professional speaker and people seeing me as an expert in autism/sexuality, when I never use the word "expert" to describe myself and always tell people I don't have all of the answers.)

The reason I mention this is because I feel like people read that post from Neil and--understandably, of course--saw something. They felt the connection that you described, and that sense of recognition. But what concerns me is that it's going to somehow turn Neil into a representative for an entire community, when that may not be something he wants or feels like he can be. If he is on a journey with autism--whether that means self-diagnosis, or a clinical diagnosis, or not having/seeking a diagnosis at all--that's something incredibly personal. As difficult as that journey is for people navigating it privately, myself included, Neil is possibly doing it in the public eye, which means that everything--every achievement and every misstep--is that much more amplified.

To that end, what I often see with Neil and social media is that he is either lavished with praise or torn to shreds (with very little in between). Being autistic means there is another possible dimension to who Neil is, but it can't be the only lens through which we see him. So I'm just hoping fans don't pin all of their dreams and expectations on him--not only for their sake and avoiding potential disappointment, but also for Neil's. To allow him the messiness and imperfection of being human, instead of a perfect role model.

I hope all of this makes sense. I'm still feeling a little raw from this past Friday, but I wanted to be sure I answered your question. Thank you for writing in! x

[rooolt]

i do like autistic gorgug but could you please elaborate on your reasons for thinking they're autistic? i just want ot hear them

all the characters I mentioned or just gorgug? I’m gonna do all of them bc I like to talk. (Prefacing this with the fact that I am autistic and this is based on my personal experiences)

riz has always read as autistic to me ever since the beginning I always come back to “I don’t have a lot of friends which is weird because I’m very social” which is a line from his character introduction but like the fact that he really doesn’t seem to understand a lot of the social conventions around him and he’s always been labeled as like “strange” for his “weird behaviors”. Things like being a teenager who wears a suit and carries a briefcase and doesn’t really consider the fact that people might judge him for it. Also as the seasons progress, partly from him being aroace, but for other stuff too I think it’s clear that riz feels like and outsider still and feels kinda fundamentally different from the people around him. Also he has very restricted interests in mystery and has little regard for acting “socially correct” and I think abt the line when they meet ayda for the first time and he says something like “I agree that it would be a whole lot easier if people just told you when your were friends instead of making you have to guess”. Riz gukgak i know what you are

Mary Ann as well to me is soooooo me coded it’s crazy. She barely talks to anybody and makes absolutely no effort to be socially “correct” and is so matter-of-fact. Furthermore Brennan describes her as still dressing like a freshman and stuff like that which very much speaks to my experiences of literally wearing the same (unfashionable) clothes every day since freshman year because they are the only things I can physically stand to wear. Also her openly being really into plushies and stuff like that and displaying them whether or not it’s cool or people judge her, very me with my dnd pins on my backpack

gorgug is a lot less direct evidence but like I truly believe it so strongly in my soul. I also think he carries a lot of awkwardness and fear, especially in freshman year, regarding how he’s supposed to behave socially and while he knows he’s doing something wrong he doesn’t know what would be right. He seeks so much guidance from his parents and from when he looks for the friendship section in compass points that idk the unsureness in those types of situations really resonates with me.

the crux of the matter, truly tho, is that I’m autistic and I like hitting characters I like with the autism beam bc it’s fun for me

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[waywardsalt]

…m

[lyricsandpapers]

Everyone wants autism until you have a meltdown about public parking rules and get trapped in your car for 3hrs

[oglegoggle]

False glamor and true evil of the music industry/Hollywood/show biz in general but uhhhhhh I wish I could give Elvis a hug

[peepeepy]

a lot of people who've watched gravity falls think that stanford is unsympathetic or a bad character, and most of the people who dont think that think stanford is at least selfish and flawed, which i can't really refute, but it always made me feel so awful, and i never realized why until now.

if you look at stanford pines as an allegory for a child with a developmental disability like autism or a "gifted kid", then a lot of the pieces start to fall together.

⚠️spoilers for gravity falls, the website, and maybe a bit of the book of bill⚠️

stanford pines was born with an "extra finger", a symbol for a disability. for a while, everyone thought it was a flaw. he was teased and shunned by his peers,

but then, people began to notice his genius. it even says on thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com, when you enter "sixer" or "stanford", that he has a "hyper-ability", something many people will say about "gifted" autistic people.

as soon as people started to point this out, everything felt like it made sense to ford. as a person who grew up with autism, i can relate to feeling alienated from my peers, and wondering "why? why, in a world made for normal people, was i made wrong?"

that kind of thought can lead to a sort of delusion.. that maybe you were destined for something great. maybe you were different because one day you would use it to change the world. i believe this is the way ford felt when he was approached by bill

bill came to ford and told him everything he'd ever wanted to hear.. that this feeling was real. that he was destined for greatness. that he was better, smarter, more special than the ones who had shunned him.

bill told ford that building the portal would make him a hero, make people finally see him as more than an extra finger. the one problem?

bill was a liar.

he used ford's selfish thoughts to trick him into making a gateway that would end the world. he used the years of mockery, the alienation, the loneliness, and he came to ford when he was alone, trapped, with nowhere to go.

he offered ford the opportunity to get back at a world that was built to knock him down at every turn, a world full of people who would never understand him. he offered to make ford a god.

and ford refused

he refused, even in a world that had done nothing but tear him down, to hurt others just to feel better about himself. he only had a few people who had ever cared for him, and yet, he was willing to destroy his life's work to save everyone who had made him miserable.

remember, he fully intended to stay trapped in the portal for all of eternity. that's why he was so frustrated when stanley brought him back. what we saw as a heroic act from stanley, ford saw as stanley refusing the sacrifice he had made to save him. he didn't thank stanley because nobody thanked him. no one thanked him for his hard work or sacrifice or his years of suffering just to protect stanley.

that, of course, led to this scene, which many people saw as stanford's most frustrating moment.

i think this post sums up really well why stanford, in this dire moment, would choose to insult his brother. because stanley was being selfish, too. stanley refused to help save the world, save his brother, all because ford never said "thank you."

they were both selfish. everyone is. they didn't fight because they were bad people, but because they both saw things from their own perspective. they were each hopelessly lonely without each other, but both too prideful to admit it.

in the end, they make up, and both follow their true dream. not money, not fame, just staying together.

stanford pines is not a bad, unsympathetic character. he is a complex, misdirected, "gifted" child. his only flaw was not seeing that he wasn't alone. his family was right there to support him the whole time.

[drdemonprince]

Hi, I am a person with a bit of a reputation in my irl community of pervert transsexuals, and like, I often feel like I absolutely fail to live up to that reputation. I'm very physically identifiable and have thrown events and had my porn screened places (among other things I'll exclude as to not make myself any more identifiable) so like there's this mismatch where it feels like I'm widely (among this community) known by people, a lot of them who I don't really know. And so, frequently I'll get into conversations with ppl who know me from various things and they seem to be surprised if I'm not this very wild and crazy and experienced and kinky person. I'm just very public with those parts of myself when they do show up. I almost feel like I'm disappointing ppl when I'm lower energy or less wild or don't have any escapades to divulge. Sometimes I feel like I have to watch ppl in real time reconcile their imagined me with the awkward, quiet, and boring person in front of them. I just feel trapped in a lot of ways! Do you have any relevant experience or thoughts that might help my perspective or attitude shift?

I have a lot of thoughts about this as a person who also has a reputation.

It sounds to me like other people are objectifying you, and projecting their desires onto you in ways that are uncomfortable and exhausting. They are crafting an unrealistic fantasy of who you must be all of the time, and what being a sexually adventurous person must look like, and so it is GOOD FOR YOU TO DISAPPOINT THEM. You shouldn't try to live up to their fantasies. You should be yourself and disabuse them of the notion that only effortlessly cool, outgoing, wild, unrestrained people ever get to have fulfilling sex, or that having fun sex carries over into how someone acts and lives all of the time.

The folks approaching you in this way also need to learn that other people (including other sexually active people) do not exist to titillate them or entertain them. Your sexually adventurous side is a GIFT that you choose to give to people when they have earned it and made you feel comfortable enough to unleash it. You do not owe that side to anyone.

Having great kinky sex is a TON of fucking WORK -- vetting, rapport building, self-exploration, communication, gear collecting, location scouting, and more. It makes sense you can't be the person in your porn videos all the time. Nobody is. I'm certainly not the guy who wrote Unmasking Autism every day. I was that guy for a period of a few months in the winter-spring of 2021, for about five hours per day, in a locked brick room filled with coffee cups and egg sandwiches. The rest of the time I'm just some idiot trying to pick up some LaCroix at the store or whatever. It's weird for people to expect me to be some sage, patient, insightful person all the time just because I wrote a book that has some of those qualities, and it's weird for people to expect you to be an entertaining sexpot all the time just because you made a porn.

Be fucking boring. Let a conversation trail off. Be shy. If anything, you can take pride in being a complete, complex human being, not someone else's overly heightened jerk-off material. Let them be disappointed, it's a lesson they need to internalize.

[daytaker]

NightBringer Satan is a Gift.

I understand everyone has their own opinions on how good/not good NB is as a game or a story or whatever, but in my opinion, Satan's characterization is soooo enhanced by it. I know that this isn't an opinion that everyone shares, but to me, Satan felt emotionally artificial sometimes in the original game (more on that below).* He felt kind of awkward and like he wanted to connect with MC but something was blocking the kind of connection they develop with some of the other brothers. (Disclaimer: I've only done season 1 of OG, so I can't speak to how he's characterized later on. I know, I know, shame. But I'm trying my best.) Getting to see what Satan is like when he doesn't have any control over his emotions makes the stiffness and artificiality make more sense to me, and they become admirable because we get to see just how hard it is for him to get everything under control.

I think they did a really good job with the pacing of his development in NB too. Satan in Lesson 1 and Satan in Lesson 19 are different, but there isn't a moment where he suddenly starts controlling his emotions better. I think there's a lot going on behind the scenes with him as far as his emotional growth and self control are concerned.

Also let's not forget some very important things about Satan that make him, IMO, one of the most interesting characters to work with as a writer:

Satan was never an angel; he had no fall from grace.

Satan was created from Lucifer's wrath---he is literally the product of trauma and self-mutilation.

Satan is significantly younger than his brothers.

He spent the first year of his life more or less trapped in a castle with his deeply emotionally wounded brothers.

He has a deep resentment towards Lucifer that sometimes defies reason---he wishes he didn't dedicate so much of his time and energy to him, but it's basically a compulsion.

He hates his deep association with Lucifer, and he hates that he has a lot in common with him.

And these lead me to some headcanons that live rent-free in my brain every day of my life.

Satan sees himself as a reminder of the Great Celestial War and everything his brothers lost in it, including Lilith.

He is divine retribution against Lucifer for his failure, for leading his brothers to failure, for letting his sister die.

He acts as a counterbalance to Lucifer's pride by bearing the weight of the shame that Lucifer can't fully accept now that he is the Avatar of Pride. Even if Lucifer pushes it out of his mind, Satan never forgets that he failed in the worst way possible.

His biggest aspiration is to become a full and complete person outside of any association he has with Lucifer. He feels like some sort of parasitic tumor that exists only in opposition to his brother, and he wants desperately to escape that role that he feels he was born into.

Anyway, Satan is great, hail Satan, all that good stuff. Did you know I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about Satan? I know, shocking. For more of my takes here's my fic about him (on AO3).

*I think Satan almost metaphorically represents certain elements of autism---emotions that don't come out the way you intend, masking and its limitations, hyperfixations that are barely under control. In Fandom Discourse(TM) there's sometimes a level of focus on more 'cutesy' autistic traits that we find endearing in characters, like social obliviousness and gleefully indulged hyperfixations. But emotional control, emotional masking, emotional seepage, emotional artificiality---these are also real and messy and often times they aren't cute and they're uncomfortable to see in yourself or in someone else. I really don't like diagnosing characters so I'm not about to claim Satan "is" autistic, but as someone who has been called essentially 'spectrum adjacent' by doctors, I relate to the awkwardness and the desire to appear normal despite knowing you're not and emotions spilling out in ugly ways---um. That got really long and personal.

[daydream-the-demon]

Claustrophobia

I might be claustrophobic.

Maybe not in the general sense though...

I feel claustrophobic because of the skin, muscles, organs, and everything that's covering me. I think that's why I always have that feeling to throw up, because I want to throw my physical self up away because I always feel claustrophobic.

I keep talking about wanting to throw up. I now have the answer to why.

I think that's a reason I am part of the queer community by being AroAce (because I physically can't stand the physicality of people, and myself), but being Fictoromantic/sexual (because I tend to like the mind and not the physicality). And why I am Xenogender/Genderless because I don't identify with human norms.

I realized I'm scared, no, absolutely TERRIFIED of humans, human norms, human constructs, EVERYTHING.

Also, I realized I had a God Complex. And technically? I'm not wrong. From my perspective, NOTHING exists. I have no proof! I have no proof other people have the same mental capabilities as me. I have no proof ANYTHING exists! It's all fake!

If I were to kill myself, none of you, NONE OF YOU WOULD EXIST.

I realized this is why I'm suicidal. I don't want to mentally destroy myself, no! I want to live forever in that sense! I want to create art and stories and keep on living. I want my myself to be immortalized.

But what fears me, what destroys my whole image, the thing I want to get rid of, is my physical self. I can't stand being trapped like this, feeling so many things that I don't want to. Emotions are chemicals in the brain produced by the physical self, and I try my best not to feel them.

I just feel... wrong.

I dealt with a lot of derealization, depersonalization, and maladaptive daydreaming problems. And I may just have found the reason why. Because I CAN'T STAND my physical self, so I end up leaving, feeling detached and better off in the mental world.

I don't think it's "normal" to be claustrophobic about engaging in basic human functions such as eating, drinking, sleeping, speaking, and everything else.

A lot of things have been explained as soon as I realized my claustrophobia of the real realm.

I just don't belong here, not like this at least.

And I don't know how my Autism plays into this but I KNOW something about all of this is related in SOME SORT of way.

I remember from a young age I felt this.

Why must I have existential crises, every second?

I want to throw up.

I want to bash my skull against a wall.

Everything feels so... wrong.

Something's not right.

I feel insane.

[emperor-of-blood]

Next up is Laios!

The leader of our somewhat intrepid heroes! Laois is best known for his love of monsters. It'd be a lie by omission to leave out his autism. It's quite apparent not just in his monster obsession, but in his social life and peculiarities with different sensations. But it's most obvious in his special interest; which makes sense as that just so happens to be at the forefront of the story. It's why the story is even able to happen. What would've happened if Laios didn't know all he did about monsters? Or frankly, if he just wasn't eager to try eating them?

More secondary information about Laios, funny as this is to say, is that he's one of the front liners for the party. He's courageous and tough. He's versatile and quick-witted. He's resourceful-

And he's kind.

So, with that out of the way:

Laios is....

A Knight Of Light!

One who exploits [Light]/protects with [Light]

Listen. It's not my fault that all of these knights keep getting a knight class!

Perhaps the first thing I want to talk about here and to remind everyone about, is that Knights exist in sessions void of their aspect. Tbh sometimes I think I should probably try to work that into my little descriptor above at some point; and then I remember it sort of is already. That's the in the "exploit" part. The Knight gets a lot out of a little. How this exists in Dungeon Meshi, is that nobody is really taking advantage of the dungeon as it exists. Laios sees it for what it is, and because of that, our heroes are able to progress through the dungeon despite not having a penny to their name. Part of it fr me too is that when Laios loses his sword he picks up another one that a lot of people would refuse, or at least kill the monster inside it first. And Laios's insistence not to proves a boon! Also, probably the fault of Dave, but whenever I think about how a Knight should work I always look right to their weapon. How do they get the most they can out of this by exploiting their aspect? Kensuke is a great answer to me.

Would Senshi have even joined their party if not for Laios? ... Probably not? But more likely is that no one else would've let him join their party. Which I guess we do know to be true as he'd been living in the dungeon alone for years. Senshi really was a diamond in the rough and I don't think I can understate that. He's just weird. That's really the only " bad " thing about him; and Our Boy Laios here of course sees that as a positive! Laios learning healing magic lets Marcille shine. Despite a lot of people in the story really not liking Chilchuk, Laios wants him in the party and lets him work as he sees fit. I can't think of a boss I've had that would've been fine in the same scenario. And you know what? It lets Chilchuk thrive! He turns out to not just be great at what he can do but also puts his best foot forward even when he doesn't want to do things. He's always emphasizing his role as a noncombatant, which Laios takes in stride, but when push comes to shove he's throwing a dagger into the eye of a Red Dragon. He could've ran!

Now you might be thinking: "Gee, this sounds an awful lot like a Blood player or maybe a Hope player."

And- well, you're not wrong exactly. There's an argument to be made for each of those. But I want to ask you: "What is Dungeon Meshi really about?" To me, it's about the deconstruction of the dungeon. What actually is a dungeon? Is it really just a setting that only exists when our heroes are inside? How does it function? What happens to all of the monsters after the adventurers leave? Where does the treasure come from? Why are the monsters the way that they are? What happens to the traps after they've been sprung?

These sorts of questions have been largely ignored or hand-waved by storytellers and dungeon masters for years and years. And that's ok. But it doesn't mean you have to do that. As we can see, there are so many wonderful answers to be found here!

And really, who better to explore all of this than Laois?

[tismandrelativedimensionsinspace]

I just caught up with doctor who and I’m really curious what you think about the episodes? Specifically 73 yards, dot and bubble, and rogue were my personal favourites so I’d love to hear your thoughts on them or the others

ooooh ok yes here we go

space babies - i loved it. ok? i get that a lot of people didnt like the cgi baby mouths. but i think it had such series 1 vibes (i.e. ninth doctor). it took me right back to my childhood. loved it tbh

the devils chord - :/ yeah. maestro was the onky redeeming factor of this episode tbh. it was supposed to be about the beatles but like. nothing about the episodes plot felt specifically beatles-relevant? like. you could have had the exact same plot with any 60s/70s band and it would have worked out the same way. i think if you're gonna do an episode surrounding a specific historical figure, the plot has to Only make sense for that historical figure. otherwise whats the point

boom - ugh. yes. 10/10. loved ncutis acting in this one. HE WAS LITERALLY STUCK ON ONE SPOT THE WHOLE TIME. COULD BARELY MOVE. AND HE STILL GAVE A HELL OF A PERFORMANCE. i was so impressed tbh. i love bottle episodes. the side characters were a little lackluster tbh tho. my only qualm with it really

73 yards - ANOTHER BANGER. i love love love when they get a bit horror with it. i loved that we got to focus on ruby and get to know her and her character a lot better. i very nearly cried when she was sitting outside her mums door on the phone. loved the mystery and the lack of a coherant solution, really added to the spookiness and fae vibes of it all.

dot and bubble - ok. im gonna be honest. this episode was boring to me. nothing really happened for the first 30 minutes. lindy was annoying as fuck. and i know that was supposed to be the point but like. if you're gonna do a doctor-lite-ish episode you've gotta make the focal character interesting. give me sally sparrow any day. i get what they were going for, i see the vision, i just think it could have been executed a bit better

rogue - yessssss!!! yesssssss!!!! loved the gay of it all, obviously, but i feel like that has kinda. taken over literally everything else about the episode??? i love the idea of larping aliens thats so silly and fun. i loved the fight mode scene with ruby holding her own. i loved the bridgerton-esque drama and ruby trying to comfort emily. i loved seeing ncuti get his "fury of the timelord" moment when he thought ruby was dead. the doctors dark side is so important!!! hes not all sunshine and rainbows!!! family of blood anyone!!!!

legend of ruby sunday - hm. the pacing was a little off. i felt like a lot of the time i was like. ok can we get to the point now. they mentioned the anagram thing So Many Times. and probability of trap. like ok girl we get it!!!! but. im very excited about sutekh!! he seems like a fun villain and very high stakes. and im so intruiged and compelled by rubys story. i Need to know who she is and who her mum is so so bad.

ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING BUT. YOU ASKED LMAO. AUTISM MOMENT

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR ASKING BTW ILY!!!!

[reguluslovesspelunking]

ways my boyfriend and i are jegulus…

me (regulus):

- my birth chart told me to be careful around water and something about an inheritance

- regulus is a star in the constellation “leo”. i am a leo.

- i have a dark sense of humor

- whether i mean to or not, i usually look like i’m glaring daggers at someone

- i used to dislike my boyfriend when we first met, then didn’t want to admit that i thought he was cute.

- i’m a fucking black cat and i hate people. i don’t let people get too close, and people physically make me feel claustrophobic

- i was just told that i apparently snore like how a cat purrs??

- i am the younger sibling, i have an older brother who is a gryffindor while i am a slytherin

- i dont trust easy and i have a small tight knit group of friends who i’d kill for. major fucking guard dog

- i enjoy reading. my favorite genre is murder mysteries

- autism.

him (james):

- wears glasses

- is always fixing his hair

- on the astrology app “the pattern” it said he was most similar to “james potter”

- has red boxers with stags on them??

- has a sun carved on his fucking house, and a stag candle holder statue on his porch

- always tries to see the best in everyone

- “has the ego the size of a lake but a heart to match it”

- still uses pinky promises (art heist, baby?!)

- was dating this girl named “lily” before me…

- fuckin simp

- is the motherfucking sun

- very much ADHD

together:

- we love bagels. it’s crimson rivers coded.

- he’s the only person to get me to fold. i get flustered so easily but literally only by him?? i either forget how to speak or he says something cute and i go “shut the fuck up”

- before i read choices, i was going through A LOT. we had a conversation about how i felt like i was the common denominator so i must be the issue. choices also made me realize that i was a regulus kinnie

- before i read art heist, baby! i freaked out and said that people always leave. i expect it at this point. i have ✨abandonment issues✨ and tbh i was just enjoying all the time i could with him before i thought he was gonna leave. i was grateful i at least had him (he has not left yet)

- i have a hard time with sleep. i sometimes have to dr*g myself in order to knock out. i started sleeping over his dorm this past semester and i didn’t need anything. i felt safe. i fell asleep to his breathing and the beating of his heart. i just read this part of only the brave and my jaw dropped.

- our tropes are pretty much: grumpy/sunshine, hurt/comfort, slowburn, who did this to you?, friends to lovers

- “i’m not letting you go back there”. a situation happened this past semester where i was trapped in an inhumane living situation. it got so bad that one day i was secretly moving out but became physically stuck in there. he barged in and rescued me. it was the equivalent of james potter storming grimmauld place to rescue regulus black from bellatrix ft rodolphos, walburga, and lucius

- i got him to cosplay jegulus with me and we’re really cute :)

anyways…. he doesn’t know the marauders lore except for what i tell him but we discover more and more parallels constantly and it’s gotten to the point where it genuinely freaks me the fuck out. we are jegulus. sunseeker variants. starchaser reincarnated. hopefully this won’t end in tragedy

[theicarusconstellation]

cw for implied/referenced character’s internalized ableism

idk i’m really thinking about autistic mute regulus today. mute regulus who can say a few words as a child but loses the ability as he experiences more trauma. mute regulus who has always been shunned by the cult they were raised in, whether it be the purebloods and death eaters or a religious au, because they cannot vow their loyalty to the rest of the group and are viewed as a sour omen — a child marked by the devil. who experiences not just verbal mutism but mutism in regards to sign and written word as well, unable to communicate through sign language even when it’s her only option. worst case scenario, trauma-related increased mutism triggers catatonia. her total-body communication shutdown can last for months if he isn’t careful. slowly but surely, he is able to heal and reach a point where sign is always available to him + he is comfortable with his mutism and the mute community, but the trauma lingers. it shakes their hands as they sign. the cult was not just a cult of death eaters or religion or brainwashing, but a cult of silence, and they have been trapped in that silence since he was born.

eventually, his mutism as a result of autism does not feel like a trap, but a comfort. a sense of safety. a solace. however, its worsened intensity will always feel like a burden. a curse.