#incorrect jennifer jareau

[emilyshotchrocket]

Hotch: Just let me go in. I’ll talk to him without my gun and I’ll come out fine.

Morgan: Hotch I don’t think that’s a great idea man.

Rossi: I’ll have to ask your mother first.

Hotch:

Rossi pulls out an ouija board

JJ: Have you had that with you the whole trip?-

Rossi: Is Aaron allowed to almost get himself killed?

Gideon: N-O

Rossi: sorry kid. Your mom said no.

[hazelhearts]

Emily: *is carrying all the groceries*

JJ: *holds out hand to help*

Emily: *aggressively moves all groceries to one hand to hold JJ's hand*

[icouldbeaduck]

JJ: the murder suspects are lesbians

Rossi: and they have nothing to be ashamed of

JJ: murder. they should be ashamed of murder

[whoisspence]

kidnapper: i have your child

hotch: which one i have five

kidnapper: the annoying one who won't shut the fuck up

hotch:

hotch: which one i have five

[jemilies]

[criminal-mindsincorrect]

JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid

Reid :

Reid : Emily what the fuck

[spencestiel-michelle]

*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*

Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-

*Penelope RUNS out of the room*

Hotch: GARCIA? 

Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!

Hotch: it’s just a drill-

Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???

*Emily throws herself through the glass window* 

Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…? 

Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a- 

*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor* 

Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”

Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave? 

*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*

Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year. 

*JJ arrives late*

JJ: hey, what’d i miss? 

Rossi: annual fire drill. 

JJ: ah.

JJ: ooh. 

Rossi: yeah. 

[blackhillfilmss]

Y/N: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Emily: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies

Penelope: Socks are Feetie Heaties

JJ: Forks are Stabby Grabbies

Spencer: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties

Derek: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies

Y/N: Stamps are Lickie Stickies

Hotch: *annoyed* You’re all disappointments

[amybaulover]

Hotch: Why is Emily curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing?

Reid: She’s drunk.

Hotch: And?

Derek: And she heard that JJ is married.

Hotch: ...

Hotch: We’re literally at their wedding reception right now.

Penelope, sighing: We know.

[reidxtrminds]

Rossi: Call the kids, they're not listening to me.

Hotch: I'm not their dad.

Rossi: Just do it.

Hotch to the kids, Spencer, Derek, Emily, JJ and Penelope: Okey everyone ! Line up, the car leave in 5 minutes !

The kids: *Immediately line up and follow Hotch like ducklings*

Rossi:

Hotch:

Hotch: No listen, LISTEN I'm not their-

[criminalmindsgonewrong]

victim: what does ssa stand for?

morgan: super sexy agent

reid: somewhat superior academically

jj: sanity slowly abating

emily: secret service assasin

hotch: please stop

[emilyshotchrocket]

Will: Jennifer- Come on! Talk to me please!

JJ: I can’t even look at you right now!

*in another room*

Emily: what?

Derek: nothing- nothing!

Emily: JJ said everything was okay?

Penelope: what are they talking about?

JJ: just get away from me!

Will: it was a mistake! I made a mistake! Okay?

JJ: A mistake? What were you trying to put it in? Her purse?!

Penelope: Whe-Where did he put it??

JJ: Will. You had sex with another woman.

Penelope: *gasp*

Emily: oh my god.

Penelope: ugh. I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.

Aaron: yeah- Well- I guess they had a fight and he got drunk-

Emily: *gasp and smacks both Morgan and Hotch on the heads* you guys knew about this and didn’t tell us?!

Morgan: he had sex and we get hit in our heads?!

JJ opening the door: Y’know what. I want you to leave. Get outta here. Just Get out. Now!

Will: no. No I want to stay. I want to talk about this.

JJ: okay. Alright. How was she?

Morgan: uh oh.

Note that by now, they all have an ear against the door and Emily is on Hotch’s back.

Will: wh-what??

JJ: was she good?

Aaron: don’t answer that!

JJ: come on Will! You said you wanted to talk about it, let’s talk about it! How was she?!

Will: she was..

Morgan: awful. Horrible! Nothing compared to you!

Aaron at the same time: she was not good. Not good. Not good!

Will: she- she was different!

Morgan: ouuwwh.

Aaron: uh oh.

JJ: good different?

Will: Nobody likes change? I-

JJ then goes on to attack him with a magazine.

Penelope: should we do something??

Aaron: yeah, Never cheat on JJ.

[milfsincrime]

part one: pre therapy appt

jj: emily, why do we have marriage counselling booked this weekend? we aren’t fighting??

emily: oh i forgot about that. it’s for me and derek

jj: derek is not your wife

emily: we thought it would be fun to see how long it’d take the therapist to work out that we’re not married, i’m a lesbian, and all the problems are fake

[icouldbeaduck]

JJ: what part of your head hurts?

Emily: the part above my shoulders

[criminalmindsfanantic]

The Team hiding in a dark laundry room

Derek: Who else is hiding in here trying to listen to Mom and Dad’s convo?

Penelope: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.

JJ: I'm in the washing machine.

Reid: I’m in the dryer.

Emily: I'm in the closet.

Penelope: We accept you Emily. <3

Emily: No I'm literally in the closet.

Penelope: Love is love. <3

[multiverse-of-fandom]

Morse Code....

Emily: **taps table**

Spencer: **taps table**

Emily: **taps table**

Spencer: **aggressively taps table*

Emily: YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Morgan: What are they doing?

JJ: Morse Code. Don't mind them

Spencer and Emily: **taps table**

JJ: Oh, yeah? Well- **violently bangs fist on table repeatedly**