#incorrect one ok rock quotes

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

DIHWYF Incorrect Quotes but it's mild Carmine sisters chaos

Because ✨sisters ✨

Clara, staring at newly adopted Vaggie: Um...want a beer?

Odette: She's like...five!

Clara: I DUNNO, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER?!

Clara: I'M BREAKING THE WINDOW!

Odette, whispering into her phone: Uh, hi- we locked our baby sister in the car and people are judging us.

Clara, now running around looking for a rock: I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA BREAK IT!

Odette, whirling around: DO NOT BREAK THE WINDOW, YOU'LL GET GLASS ON HER!

Odette: But if you keep making up words, no one will understand you.

Young Vaggie: Clara will. Watch. *tugs on Clara's arm*

Clara: Yeah, squirt?

Vaggie: *complete gibberish*

Clara, immediately playing along: Whoa, are you serious?

Vaggie: *more gibberish*

Clara: I'd never considered that before!

Vaggie: *very serious gibberish*

Clara, patting her head: This changes everything.

Odette, facepalming: You're both crazy.

*Odette, spotting Vaggie trying to sneak out of her bedroom: Oh, not again. Come on, go back to bed before Mamá sees you.

Vaggie: But I don't want to go to bed!

Odette: Too bad, manita.

Vaggie, pouting: Why do I have to go to sleep? Why can't I just stay awake all night?

Odette, sighing and getting up to walk her back bed: Because that's the way the world is.

Vaggie: Well I'm going to make it so that's not how the world is!

Odette, tucking her in: That sounds like a big job. You're gonna need a full night's sleep for that.

Vaggie: Yeah, I will! *triumphantly snuggles in*

Vaggie, ten minutes later: Hey, wait a second-

Vaggie, curled up in front of the fridge: :(

Clara, spotting her: You alright, hermana?

Vaggie, sadly: I just miss Odette**.

Clara, sitting down next to her: Aw, I know.

Vaggie: And the fridge doesn't like me :(

Clara: I...know?

*Odette: Bed. Sleep. Now.

Vaggie, trying to hide behind Clara: But I'm not tired!

Clara: Yeah, 'Dette, she's not tired!

*they're both asleep in Clara's bed in ten minutes later*

Clara, snuggling lil' Vaggie: Big sister's going to drop-kick anyone that touches you 🥰

Odette, without missing a beat: And bigger sister's going to bail big sister out of jail.

Carmilla, cuddling Vaggie after she tripped and fell: I know it's tough, mija. But hey, how many times have you bumped your head or gotten a bruise while you're playing with your sisters?

Vaggie, holding an ice pack on her knee: Um...lots.

Carmilla: Right. And what do they always tell you?

Vaggie: ...don't tell Mamá?

Carmilla, who was fully expecting a different answer: What?!

Clara, who'd walked into the room to check on her little sister: Uh...I'll maybe come back later?

Clara, holding an ice pack to her sister's head: How much do you remember?

Teenage Vaggie, who'd just gotten into her first fight: Just the ambulance ride to the hospital, I think.

Odette: That wasn't an ambulance ride, I drove you.

Vaggie: But I heard sirens?

Clara: That was your girlfriend.

Charlie, clutching the largest teddy bear the hospital sold***: I got nervous!

Charlie, fresh into their relationship: If something happened to Vaggie, I...I couldn't live with myself.

Odette, completely straight faced: You wouldn't have to. Clara and I would kill you.

Vaggie, trying to sneak off with Charlie at a party: Guys, I need your help.

Clara: Oooh, ok. I have an idea.

Odette: Is it a bad idea?

Clara: *darts off in Velvette's direction*

Odette, jumping up to chase after her: CLARA, IS IT A BAD IDEA-****

Vaggie, walking by with a teapot:

Clara: Whatcha doing?

Vaggie: It's for Zestial. I'm planning on making some bad choices tonight and I want him on my side when Mom finds out.

Clara: Oooh, smart. I'll have to remember that.

Odette, not looking up from her laptop: I never realized the forethought that went into raising our mother's blood pressure.

BONUS:

Carmilla, trying to calm Lucifer down after he came to her for advice about Charlie: Look, I've raised three fully functional, well adjusted children and-

Luci, sniffling: You have three kids I don't know about?

Carmilla: ...

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM ALL

Here's a link to the AU!

*these exchanges definitely took place less than an hour apart.

**Odette is fine, she's just on a business trip and her sisters are sad.

***That bear is not for Vaggie. She has a different one for Vaggie. The older Carmines got her that so she would calm the fuck down

****is this a hint as to how Charlie and Vaggie meet? 🤫

[thehomophobe]

You and the Human! FNAF SB cast as told by incorrect quotes

(Y/N): Monty, we tried things your way.

Monty: No, we didn't.

(Y/N): I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Moon: I eat Cheerios because they’re heart healthy. And my heart has been severely damaged.

Roxy: Are you sure (Y/N)'s even gay? They barely even looked at me.

Monty: Which way did they go?

Moon: Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks in the corner, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I’d guess they went left.

Monty: You could really figure it out from that?

Moon: No you idiot, they sent me text. See?

(Y/N): How much did you spend on this date?

Roxy: $1400. But all of it’s on credit cards, so it’s like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Lorelei: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Monty: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD’d in his own pool. Big difference.

(Y/N): I find it very unseemly of Claire to start dating again. Isn’t the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Lorelei: Die. Let’s find out. 

Monty: I don’t want to be cool anymore!

Monty takes off his sunglasses and throws them at the wall. The glasses hit the wall, but ricochet back and land perfectly on Monty’s face.

Monty: Well I guess I don’t have a choice!

Benison is dropping Claire off at a movie theater.

Benison: Enjoy your movie!

Claire: Thanks you too! [In Claire’s head] What? He’s not seeing the movie why did I say that? Just kidding!

(Y/N): *Answers her phone* Hello?

Monty: It’s Monty.

(Y/N): What did he do this time?

Monty: No it’s me, Cher. It’s actually me.

(Y/N): What did you this time?

(Y/N) and Moon cuddle in bed together.

(Y/N): How do tall people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can’t possibly cover you?

Moon: (Y/N), it’s four o’clock in the morning.

(Y/N): So, you can’t sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

Sun: Seriously, I have no idea what to do.

Sun: Oh wait! Yahoo! Answers.

(Y/N): Are you trying to seduce me?

Bonnie: Why, are you seducible?

Chica: Sylvester is right. You can’t run around like a footless chicken.

Sylvester: Headless chicken Chica.

Chica: Uh… No. How’s the chicken supposed to run around without a head?

Sylvester: How’s it run around without feet?

Chica: I'M NOT A CHICKEN SYLVIE, WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS??!

(Y/N): Know why I called you in here?

Monty: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.

(Y/N): *Stop pouring two glasses of wine* Accidentally?

Monty: Who the fuck—

Sun: Language!

Monty: Whom the fuck—

Sun: No.

Freddy just found out where Bonnie’s corpse was.

(Y/N): So, uh, what up, Fredbear?

Freddy: Oh, hello, my friends. I did not hear you come in.

Claire: Is everything ok?

Freddy: If by “ok” you mean that my life is a meaningless black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes, everything is groovy

Claire: So what do you have planned for the future?

Chica: Lunch 

Claire: No, like long term.

Chica: Oh…um…dinner?

Monty: I thought I had my anger under control, turns out, I didn’t! But now I do! Seriously!

(Y/N): He means, for now. I give him ten more seconds. 9, 8, 7…

Lorelei: What are you saying Monty? I-it’s not that, you’re angry, but we make you angry?

(Y/N): …6, 5, 4,

Monty: I never said that!

(Y/N): …3, 2…1

Monty: SHUT UP!

(Y/N): Bing, bing, bing, we have a winner!

Benison, texting Claire: a theif

Claire: A thief?

Benison: theif 

Claire: I before E except after C.

Benison: thceif 

Claire: No. 

Moon: Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on in here?!

Sun: Well it’s kind of complicated, but Monty—

Moon: Got it. Forget I asked.

(Y/N): If you were Freddy right now, where would you go?

Chica: Is it possible to enter the color beige?

Foxy: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Roxy: Which one? I can’t do both.

Lorelei, on the loud speaker: Will the owner of the lime green Honda please come to the front desk?

Benison: Are my lights on?

Lorelei: Oh no, I just wanted to see what you looked like. Dude your car’s ugly.

Sun: Depression? This isn’t my depression. This is just my ADHD. You know, makes me forgetful. I just-like I set down my will to live one time. I turn around, it’s gone I can’t figure out where I put the thing.

Vanessa: I am at a loss for words!

(Y/N), narrating: Despite being at a loss for words, Vanessa proceeded to yell at me for the next 10 minutes.

Chica: My name is Chica. I’m here to kick butt and chew gum… and I’m all out of butt!

Roxy: Chica- For Pete’s sake, it’s out of GUM. Not butt!

Chica: But I still have half a pack! You want some?

*Pre-Glitchtrap Virus*

Vanny: I want you to kill him but make it look like an accident.

Moon: Say no more.

[Later]

News reporter at the crime scene: Looks like the killer beat him to death with a crowbar and placed a banana peel by his feet.

Roxy: This is actually really good garlic bread.

Chica: Garlic bread is my favorite food. I could honestly eat it for every meal or just eat it all the time without even stopping.

Roxy: You’d get fat.

Chica: No, why would I get fat?

Roxy: Bread makes you fat.

Chica: BREAD MAKES YOU FAT??

(Y/N): Claire, I thought you said you were smart?

Claire, trying to push a door that says pull: Listen, I said I was smart, not bright.

Sun: I made a marshmallow Monty. His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the other marshmallows for annoying him. Do you like it?

Monty, visibly choked up: It’s fine.

[izzytheloser12]

~~~Since yall like the other incorrect quotes i've made more~~~

Kaito: I just learned a way to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it!

~~~~~~~

Akako: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

~~~~~~~~

*Yusaku goes shopping with child Shinichi*

Shinichi: Can I get a silenced pistol? Yusaku: If there’s one on sale.

~~~~~~~~~

*kaito and Aoko are having a sleepover*

Kaito: I made lightly fried fish fillets for dinner. Aoko: Kaito, It’s 1:15 am, what the fuck. Kaito: Do you want the lightly fried fish fillets or not. Aoko: Well, I mean yeah. Kaito: So come downstairs while they’re still hot. Aoko: Wait, you just made them? Kaito: Yeah, I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish fillets. Aoko: Say lightly fried fish fillets one more time Kaito.

~~~~~~~~~

Ran: Truth or dare? Shinichi: Truth. Ran: How many hours have you slept this week? Shinichi: Shinichi: Dare. Ran: Go to sleep. Shinichi: I don't like this game.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Kaito: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

~~~~~~

Kaito, trying to flirt: So, you come around here often? Shinichi, confused: I mean, this is my house, so yeah.

~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Did Kaito just tell me he loved me for the first time? Heiji: Yeah, he did. Shinichi: And did I just do finger guns back? Heiji: Yeah, you did.

~~~~~~~

Hakuba: I asked Heiji out. Kaito: Oh, I’m sorry. Hakuba: Why? Kaito: Well, I assume they said no. Hakuba: No, they said yes. Kaito: Really? Then I’m sorry for them.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Fight me! Kaito: gets on one knee and pulls out a ring Kaito: Fight me for the rest of our lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hakuba: Regular soda is too sweet! Kaito: Diet soda has a weird after taste! Hakuba: No! Ugh, oh my god. Diet soda is THE BEST! It doesn't have sugar! It's SPICY! Kaito: It has other weird stuff in it! I'll take REGULAR sugar in my REGULAR soda! Hakuba: It's SO SWEET like it's a dessert though! Diet feels more like a drink! Kaito: I'm going to physically attack you. Hakuba: Which is better, Shinichi? Shinichi: Oh, I usually drink water! Kaito: Wha- NO! Hakuba: DISGUSTING!

~~~~~~~~

Sonoko: Seriously, I have no idea what to do. Sonoko: Oh, wait! Yahoo! Answers.

~~~~~~~

Sonoko, texting: Answer your phone Ran, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone Sonoko: Understood Sonoko, 5 minutes later: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, Ran.

~~~~~~~~

Kazuha: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Ran: I wrote you a poem. Kazuha, already crying: You did?

~~~~~

Kazuha: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Sonoko: Did Ran say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Kazuha: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

~~~~~~~

*Shinichi is babysitting Ayumi*

Shinichi: Come on, you need to go to bed. Ayumi: Mr. Snuffles says that I can stay up as long as I want. And that you need to die! Shinichi: … Shinichi: What the hell, Mr. Snuffles—

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: When I first got my autism diagnosis, my first thought was “woah… it’s canon” and I think that maybe thoughts like that is why Haibara made me get tested.

~~~~~~~

Haibara: Why are we friends? Conan: Poor decisions on your part.

~~~~~~~~

Akako: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Aoko: Ok. Akako: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

~~~~~~~

*after Yukiko and Shinichi got into a fight*

Yukiko: OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?! TIME OUT! GET ON TOP OF THE FRIDGE! GET UP THERE! Shinichi: Climbing THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!!!

~~~~~~

Akako: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into- Aoko: You sleep with a teddybear. Akako: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!

~~~~~

Kaito: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Shinichi: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

[yunxi-11085]

Incorrect Quotes w/ honkai ppl time~

note ¡ second time using incorrect quotes generator I'm using more characters & relationships now :D first time is here!!

let's start~~ scroll down for more^^

prompt 1 : Jing yuan & yanqing & gn! reader! (same age as yanqing & friends?? Jing yuan as the father figure to you too omo

Jing yuan : I know you snuck out last night.

Yanqing : Play dumb!

You : Who's you?

Yanqing : Not that dumb!

prompt 2 ¡ Jing yuan & yanqing & gn! reader (same as the first one aaa it's so cute)

Store Worker : Would a mr. Jing yuan please come to the front desk?

Jing yuan, arriving at the desk : Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker : points to you and yanqing

Store Worker : I believe they belong to you?

You and Yanqing, simulataneously : We got lost :(

Jing yuan : I didn't even bring you guys here with me—

prompt 3 ¡ Jing yuan x reader?? w/ mentioned yanqing (this is so cute omfg)

Jing yuan : you, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean?

You: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later

Jing yuan : Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask yanqing.

prompt 4 ¡ Jing yuan & reader & yanqing??

Jing yuan : If you had to choose between (you) and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Yanqing: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

You: yanqing!

Jing yuan : 63 cents.

Yanqing: I'll take the money.

You: YANQING!!!

prompt 5 ¡ march 7 & Dan heng & caelus & stelle & reader

so so cute

march 7: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Dan heng will and will not eat.

you: Grass? Yes!

march 7: Moss? Yes!!

you: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

march 7: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

you: Worms? Sometimes!

march 7: Rocks? Usually nah.

you: Twigs? Usually!

march 7: stelle's cooking? Inconclusive!

caelus: How did you… test this?

march 7: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it.

caelus: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

stelle: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

prompt 6 ¡ march 7 & Dan heng & caelus & stelle & reader

march 7: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

you: Several traffic violations.

Dan heng: Three counts of resisting arrest.

caelus: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

stelle: Also, that’s not our car.

prompt 7 ¡ march 7 & Dan heng & caelus & stelle & reader

march 7: Good morning.

you: Good morning.

Dan heng: Good morning.

caelus: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

stelle: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

I absolutely adore husband Jing yuan son yanqing and the troublemaking trio LMFAOO I just HAD to make a second prompt post because of my new addiction it seems 🤣🤣

if you would like me to write a fic with these prompts feel free to send me an ask for comment on this post! I'd be super happy to write!

[imagintheworldaway]

More Incorrect Quotes

*Paul laying face down on the floor*

Dwayne: so Y/N said they liked you?

Paul: mhmm

Dwayne:  and you asked them to Marry you ?

Paul: mhmmmm

*meanwhile*

Y/N holding a half drank bottle of champagne and a cigarette: Marco babe, Paul and I are getting married 

Marco rolling his eyes: ugh not again 

————————————————————————————————

Y/N: Why are you following me? 

Paul: Cause we’re dating now 

Y/N: OK, but why is Marco here? 

Marco: We’re a package deal 

————————————————————————————————

*Marco accidentally setting fire to Y/Ns book collection*

Dwayne: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate or alewife our way out of this one 

David, cracking his knuckles: Manslaughter it is then 

————————————————————————————————

Y/N: Hi I’m Y/N and this is Paul and we will be drawing your blood today 

————————————————————————————————

David: A blood bank? Are you two deranged? 

Paul: what? We like to spice it up a little

————————————————————————————————

Paul: Hey Y/N, wanna play 20 questions? 

Y/N: sure, what’s your favourite colour?

Paul: eight, wanna fuck? 

————————————————————————————————

Dwayne: The path to inner peace starts with four words

Paul: banging Y/N all night

————————————————————————————————

Marco: I dare you-

Y/N: nope, Paul isn’t allowed to accept dares anymore

Marco: why not? 

*Y/N pointing to Micheal rocking back and forth in the corner*

Paul: its not my fault some people don’t like being water bordered 

————————————————————————————————

Y/N: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.

Paul: Where were they?

Y/N: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.

Paul, impressed: Damn, they really went for it.

[lilacthebooklover]

NPMD Incorrect Quotes

Grace: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times. Steph: You mean you stabbed them? Grace: They ran into my knife.

Ruth: Are pigeons drones? Richie: What? No, I'm trying to sleep. Ruth: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES! Richie: *Crying* Please let me sleep...

Steph: Ow! Pete: What’s wrong? Steph: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow. Pete: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

Richie: I have a question. Pete: Shoot. Richie: Is the S or C in scent silent? Pete: I’m going to be thinking about this all day. Steph: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent. Richie: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way. Pete: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent. Ruth: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound. Pete: Ruth is not allowed to talk anymore.

Max: You know, there’s only one person in this world who can tell you what you are. Richie: Me? Max: No. Max: Me.

Ruth: I desire moisture. Pete: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

Steph: You know, when I first met you, I really didn’t like you. Grace, after a moment: …I thought there was going to be another half to that sentence? Steph: Nope!

Ruth: I'm an empath. When I'm around hot gay people, I start having gay thoughts.

Grace: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Pete: How can you still say that? Grace: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Steph: Pete, I got suspended from school… Pete: WHAT?!?! What did you do? Steph: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler, and he said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler”. Pete: And…? Steph: I asked which end… Pete, unable to contain his laughter: Okay, you just made my day.

Kyle: Can I have some water? Max: *starts chugging his water bottle* Max: *chokes from drinking too fast* Max: *spills water all over himself* Max, coughing: I don't have any water.

Richie: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. Richie: And I started thinking. Richie: Like, it was just trying to get food. Richie: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck? Ruth: Are you ok?

Pete: Where’s Grace? Steph: Doing stuff. Pete: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Richie? Steph: Trying to stop Grace from doing the stuff. Pete: And Max? Steph: Trying to stop Richie from stopping Grace from doing the stuff. Pete: I see. And what are you doing here, Steph? Steph: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Max from stopping Richie from stopping Grace from doing the stuff.

Ruth: Help! I’m drowning! Pete: Calm down. We’re only in six feet of water! Ruth: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Grace: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.

Max on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh. Max on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

*Everyone is playing a board game together* Grace: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'. Richie: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'. Steph: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'. Pete: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'. Ruth: *flips the board*

Max: When Grace was born, the gods said, "She's too perfect for this world." Steph: Please. When she was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

Ruth: I wouldn’t put it in those words exactly. Pete: Why not? Ruth: Because I don't know what they mean.

Mayor Lauter: Well Stephanie, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Steph: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

Max: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts! Jason: Eyy, that’s the spirit! Max: *gasps* whErE???!!!??

Ruth: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight. Richie: But are you shuffling? Ruth: Every day. Grace: What language are you two speaking??

[master-muffinn]

One piece Incorrect quotes

Odd/weird conversations i had in my life but in ‘One piece theme’ (reader is female)

---

Me: *writing to my sister about embarrassing stuff but releasing that it isn't my sister i writing to* Um…who are you? And are you a girl or a boy?

Franky: I’m a unicorn with a penis! 🦄✨

-----

*Sitting and playing cards on a big rock with some friends*

Me: *needed to fart and was able to make it small and soundless* 

Chopper: Ew it stings! 

Usopp: *sniff sniff* Ew it does! Who farted!?

Me: *Having a mentally panic attack*

Luffy: It wasn't me!

Chopper: Not me either!

Usopp: Sure it wasn't! 

Zoro: It was probably Sanji! We all know he smells shit!

Sanji: NO! IT WAS OBVIOUSLY YOU!!

*guys start an argument*

Luffy: Guys maybe it was y/n who farted?

Sanji: NO! Are you sTuPiD? Girls DON’T fart!

Me: *Nodding*

*The guys continued fighting while y/n acting like nothing*

---

Kidd: You have a small penis.

Me: Sorry, a rat stole my penis the day i was born, i haven’t found it since then.

Kidd: Oh…uhh…I didn't expect that response…WELL, if i see a rat with an larger penis than it should have, i’ll let you know! 

Me: It’s ok. I have learnt to live without it, i don’t need it anymore.

---

Sanji: Did you know? You are beautiful in photos! Cuter than a mermaid! 

Me: Are you comparing me to a fish?

---

Usopp: Y/n if all the people in the world were to disappear except you and me-

Luffy: Me too, Usopp!!

Usopp: LUFFY WE ARE BOYS!! WE CAN’T BREED!!

Me: …🤨

---

Nami: What are you working with?

Me: I’m a dairy farmer. I got 19 jersey cows. 

Nami: Oh nice! Are you working tomorrow?

Me: I'm working 365 days a year! 😉 

Me: What were you planning? 😂

Nami: …

Me: But I can make some time. No problem!

[xx-alice-in-wonderland-xx]

Abby, Lev & Yara incorrect quotes 🖤

Abby, to Lev: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up! Lev: *proceeds to kick her in the shin and run away*  Yara, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Lev cute or small.

Lev: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed.  Abby: Abby: I'm gonna tell him.  Owen: Don't you dare.

Abby: Today, Lev said a swear word, so Yara said that she was going to wash Lev’s mouth out with soap. Lev replied, “It’s okay, I like the taste of soap”. Turns out, they’ve both been putting soap on their lips to blow bubbles for the past hour.

Lev, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?  Abby: Yeah, sure.  *A few minutes later*  Abby: Here you go.  Lev:  Abby:  Owen: Why am I here?

Yara: Breathe, just breathe.  Lev: I’ve done nothing with my life! I’m a failure!  Their mom in Lev’s mind: Awww, that never bothered you before.

Lev on his 18th birthday: Adulting is hard.  Lev: How do I quit?  Yara: Time travel.  Abby: Die.

Lev: When Yara was born, the gods said, "She’s too perfect for this world."  Abby: Please. When I was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

Yara: You get turned back into a baby but you retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?  Abby: Eat a nickel.  Yara: A reminder: You have retained all your skills and memories.  Lev: Eat a nickel.  Yara: Ok.

Lev: Why does everyone want to kill Abby?  Ellie: Because, goddamnit, have you seen her? her neck looks so snappable.

*the Squad cleaning up*  Abby: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away.  Lev, to Yara: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—

Lev: *sneaking in through their window*  Yara: *turning in their chair and flicking the light one* You want to tell me where you've been all night?  Lev: I was with Abby?  Abby: *turning in their chair* Wanna try again?

Yara: Do you support gay rights?  Lev: I’m literally trans.  Abby: He’s avoiding the question!

Yara: What did Abby do this time?  Lev: More like WHO did Abby do this time?

Lev: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.  Abby: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.  Yara: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.  Lev: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

⬆️ (Lev’s never had a birthday cake 🥲)

Lev: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.  Yara: "If"  Abby: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

Abby: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Yara’*  Lev: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

Yara: Nice rock.  Lev: Thanks, Abby gave it to me.  Abby: I threw it at you!  Lev: Isn’t she the sweetest?

Yara: Lev! Abby got that thing on the control panel working!  Lev: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.  Yara: Yeah!  Abby: Any idea what it does?  Lev: Not a clue.

Yara: What are you two arguing about this time?  Abby: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly!  Lev: Cry me a table, Abby.

Yara: Lev isn’t answering my messages.  Abby: Allow me.  Yara: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-  Lev: *replying to message* Hello.

Lev, not understanding the concept of holidays since I headcannon Seraphites didn’t celebrate stuff like Christmas: Christmas is cancelled.  Abby: You can't cancel a holiday.  Lev: Keep it up, Abby, and you'll lose New Year's too.  Abby: What does that mean?  Lev: Yara, take New Year's away from Abby.

Yara, to Abby You know, Lev can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.  Lev: *blows airhorn at a seraphite* GET FUCKED!

this was so funny to make lmao 😭

[captain-krow-drozdov]

Two For The Price Of One

(Linked Universe/BOTW Wild/Link AU)

BOTW Link Has Two Braincells Souls

1. The Hero That Died 100 Years Ago (Link)

And

2. The Artificial Sheikah Soul From The Shrine Of Resurrection/The Player (Tech)

Upon Finding Out From The Old Man That Having Another Person In Your Head Isn't The Norm They Decided That Link Gets To Keep His Name And The Artificial Sheikah Soul Will Now Be Dubbed Tech (Once Joining The Chain Link Picks Up The Nickname Unity And Tech Picks Up The Nickname Wild).

Unity/Link Still Has Amnesia But Ends Up Gaining A Lot Of Their Memories Back Pretty Quickly After Finding All The Picture Locations And Wild/Tech Literally Just Got Here When They Woke Up In The Shrine So It Was A Learning Process For Both Of Em.

Unity/Link Is Good With Swords, Shields And Most Weapons Whereas Wild/Tech Is Good With Archery, The Sheikah Slate(Mental Connection Go Brr) And Stealth. Unity/Link Has The Heros Spirit And Wild/Tech Is Just Here For The Vibes And To Be A Chaos Enabler. (Unity/Link Was A Domesticated Chaos Gremlin By The Time He Died And Wild/Tech Is Going To Un-Domesticate Him If It's The Last Thing He Does)

They Are Unfortunately Both Idiots/Chaos Gremlins And Socially Awkward And Will 100% Play Mental Rock Paper Scissors The Loser Has To Deal With Socializing.

Wild Ultimately Looks The Same But Also Has Some "Something Supernatural Is Going On There" Vibes Like Sharper Teeth, The Fact That Their Eyes Glow/Eyeshine, Scary Good Night Vision, Always Cold, Movements/Vibe Just Off Enough To Trigger Some Primal Fear In Strangers, Their Blood Has A Faint Glow To It And When Wild/Tech Is In Control The Blue Glow In Their Eyes Is Brighter And More Noticeable.

Mentally However, Unity/Link Looks Like He Did Back When He Was A Knight Before The Calamity Hit And Wild/Tech Looks Like A Sheikah Recolor Of Unity/Link But They Have Ancient Technology Markings Near Their Eyes And Where Any Visible Veins World Be As Well As Blue Fire Eyes That Glow In The Dark Similar To Guardians/Ancient Tech.

At This Rate Unity/Link & Wild/Tech Are On "Do Not Separate" Levels Of Chaotic Head Roommates. They Can Actively Switch Out Who's Driving The Body At Will And With Enough Focus Can Copilot The Body.

They Are Actively Keeping Score Of Who Is Closest To Figuring Out That There Are Two People Behind The Mental Wheel Of The Champion Link (Four And Zelda/Flora Have The Highest Scores).

{I Offer Incorrect Quotes For The General Dynamic/Vibe Of These Two}

~

Wild/Tech: If you See Me Talking To Myself, Go Away! I’m Self-Employed And We’re Having A Staff Meeting!

~

Unity/Link & Wild/Tech: Am I a Boy? Am I A Girl? It Doesn't Matter. I'm Going To Burn Your House Down.

~

Unity/Link: Name A More Iconic Duo Than My Crippling Fear Of Not Being Worthy Of Being The Hero And My Anxiety. I'll Wait.

Wild/Tech: You And Me!!!

Unity/Link, Tearing Up: Okay.

~

Unity/Link, Trying To Put His Knight Training To Use: Ok We Need A Plan...

Wild/Tech, Currently In Control Of The Body Pulling Out A Bomb Arrow: We Have A Plan. The Plan Is Burn Everything Until We Are All That's Left Standing!

Unity/Link, Fighting And Losing To His Pyromania Demons: That'll Work =)

~

Unity/Link: Wild/Tech...

Wild/Tech, Bloody And Bruised From A Recent Tumble Down A Mountain Due To Ignoring Shield Durability While Shield Surfing: Oh No, 'Wild/Tech' In B-Flat.

Wild/Tech: You're Disappointed.

~

Wild/Tech: So That’s My Plan.

Unity/Link, A Trained High Ranking Knight: Are You Alright With Constructive Criticism? I Don’t Want To Sound Mean.

Wild/Tech: No, Go Ahead, I Want To Hear It.

Unity/Link: It Fucking Sucks We Are Going To Die.

Wild/Tech: That’s Not Very Constructive Of Your Criticism.

~

Unity/Link: I Prevented A Murder Today.

Wild/Tech, Who Watched The Whole Exercise Of Self Restraint Go Down: Really? How’d You Do That?

Unity/Link: Self Control.

~

Wild/Tech: I CAN'T DO IT UNITY/LINK!

Unity/Link, Laughing: I CAN'T EITHER!

Wild/Tech: I CANT FUCKING DO IT ANYMORE

Unity/Link: WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WILD/TECH, YOU CAN GIVE UP NOW, OR YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT. BECAUSE I CERTAINLY CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, AND I KNOW YOU CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT ME.

Wild/Tech: . . .

Wild/Tech: I Appreciate It,

Wild/Tech: BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH MAN-

Unity/Link: Wild/Tech-

Wild/Tech: YOU GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE!

Unity/Link: Wild/Tech We Gotta-

Wild/Tech: YOU GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND DUDE. YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT.

Wild/Tech: YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY 'What Am I Willing To Put Up With Today?'

Wild/Tech, Motioning To Calamity Ganon: NOT FUCKING THIS!

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt. 3 because I have no life :] (the link I used to generate these)

*obligatory "none of the shipping quotes are me actually shipping them"

AJ: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit. AJ: Fruits that do live up to their names? AJ: Orange.

Sam: Yo dumbass, get over here. AJ: Okay- Luke: *gleefully runs past* I’m coming! AJ, sadly: I thought...I was dumbass...

Sam: Do you take constructive criticism? Tom: Not without crying.

Tom: Luke, take out the trash. Luke: Sure. Sam, will you go out on a date with me? Luke: *seductively takes off glasses* Luke: Wow... Sam: *blushes* Haha...what? Luke: You're really fucking blurry. AJ: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us. Tom: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this: Tom: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately." Tom: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Tom: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Tom: I also want to softhack his circuits. Luke: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again. Tom: Here is my wall of inspirational people. AJ: Is that a picture of you? Tom: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Tom: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins? Luke: Can't relate. AJ: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins? Sam: Hey, wanna help me commit arson? Tom: What the hell!? Sam: Oh, sorry, my bad. Sam, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson? Tom, whispering: Of course. What do you need? Luke: I’m scared that when you become rich and famous you’ll be embarrassed by me. Tom: Oh Luke, I’m already embarrassed by you.

Luke: What, I can’t be in a bad mood? It’s like people think, “Oh, Luke is such a nice person, Luke is so happy-go-lucky! Luke can’t be in a bad mood!” Well, you know what? Luke CAN be in a bad mood. And right now, Luke IS be in a bad mood. Luke: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable...and also assault with a deadly weapon. Tom, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK?? Tom, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it’s the LAW! AJ: Not to brag, but I can go into the Spirit Halloween without crying. Tom: I feel like I can be myself around you. AJ: You’re weird and quiet around me. Tom: Yes. AJ: *Reading a letter* Tom: Well, what does it say? AJ: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Sam killed my pet rock. Luke: I refuse to apologize for being weird or off-putting. That’s actually your problem. I’m having a fantastic time!

AJ: How long do you reckon it’ll be until Tom finally snaps and commits murder? Luke: I’ve been going through life assuming it’s already happened at some point and it’s just that no one was ever able to trace it back to him. Sam: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles. Tom: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one? Sam: Seize the dick.

Luke: Watcha doin? Sam: Stealing my neighbour’s cat. Luke: Scandalous. Luke: Can I help?

AJ: Why's it called an oven when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food? Sam: ...What??? Tom with a gun to Luke's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven? Luke: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Tom, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots. Luke, in line behind him: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.

Luke: I’m this close to falling in love with Sam. Tom: Your fingertips are touching. Luke: Exactly.

Tom: You believe me? Luke: Tom, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

AJ: My head hurts. Sam: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity. Tom: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress. Tom: What must it be like to live in your head? Are there happy ponies in there? It’s really something how utterly delusional your optimism is. If I didn’t hate you so much, I might even be impressed.

AJ: Huzzah! I got a heavily qualified and slightly sarcastic compliment from Tom! Sam: How petty can you get? Luke: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about. Tom: I am going to cry. I’m going to cry until I can no longer physically cry anymore because all the water in my body is gone and I die from dehydration. Luke: Are you okay? AJ: Did you actually just ask him that? Like, you need that to be answered otherwise you won’t know? AJ: *spins around in chair ominously* I’ve been expecting y- *chair continues to spin* shit *tries to stop spinning* shit *tries to grab a table to stop spinning* sHIT *falls out of chair* Luke: So, you’ve finally arrived- Luke: Here to save prince- Luke: I’ve been waiting for this day- Luke: Stop skipping my dialogue- Luke: Seriously, stop- Luke: MOTHER FU- Tom: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone. Luke: And I need you to be less vague and weird. Tom: Things will get better! The Squad: Tom: Okay, maybe they won’t. Tom: But they will be terrible in new and interesting ways!

Tom: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie* Sam: You can't just skip to the happy ending! Tom: I don't have time for their problems. Luke: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Sam: Tom annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow. AJ: There is nothing special about tomorrow. Sam: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over. Tom: You know, Sam, when you generalize, you tell general...lies. Sam: ... Sam: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns. Luke: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Luke: Hey guys, what are your favorite kinds of pudding? Tom: Pudding deez nuts in your mouth? Is that what you were about to say? Do you gain joy from tricking your innocent cohorts? What if I actually wanted to tell you about my favorite pudding?

[phosphorus-12]

Wakfu Incorrect Quotes Pt. 4

Yugo: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly. Adamai, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Qilby, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Nora: …What does that even mean?!

The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one Dally: I will not let you down. Amalia: Sounds fun. Ruel: K. Adamai: No, I'm fucking not. Eva: Do I have to be? Yugo: Please god, I am so tired.

Alibert: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! Adamai: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Grougal, go find out if that thing can catch fire! Alibert: You're a bad influence. Adamai: And you don't know your sayings.

Yugo: Don’t be sad! Chibi: Why not? Yugo: Yugo: I don’t have a good answer.

Dally: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter “A”! Qilby: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon. Adamai: Fuck you.

Dally: Is there something you would like to say, Adamai? Adamai: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Glip: I ran into Yugo in the kitchen at 1 AM last night and when I asked them what they were doing, they just shrugged, said “these are my roaming hours,” and wandered off, strumming vaguely on their guitar.

Ruel: Can you keep a secret? Adamai: Do you know anything about my life? Ruel: No, I don't. Good point.

Amalia: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Eva: Ok. Amalia: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

Yugo: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Dally: enters their own password I'm in.

Adamai: Reading a letter Yugo: Well, what does it say? Adamai: It’s a confession letter. It turns out Dally killed my pet rock.

Amalia: sighs Eva: You bored? Amalia: Yeah. Eva: Wanna start drama for no reason? Amalia: I thought you’d never ask.

[zipperrants]

all of me and my dr s.o.'s as incorrect quotes

included:Rodrick Heffley(diary of a whimpy kid), Astarion, Loki, George Weasley, and Ruby (my youtuber dr)

Waiter: What would you like? Zipper: Bring a milkshake with two straws. Rodrick: *blushes* Zipper: *puts both straws in their mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

Ruby: Did it hurt when you fell- Zipper: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Ruby: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Zipper: ... Ruby: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Ruby: I’m in love with you. Zipper: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork. Ruby: I know. Zipper: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

George: I owe you one. Zipper: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Zipper: I feel like doing something stupid. Rodrick: I’m stupid, do me.

Zipper, throwing their head into Loki's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Loki, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Zipper: We’re getting married, bitches! Loki: And we're about to make it everybody else's problem.

Astarion: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Zipper: Oh. We're going out? Astarion: Wh..

Astarion, talking about Zipper: WHAT THE FUCK I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.

*At a speed dating event* Zipper: Oh wow, people are really shallow. Astarion: Consider it a background check. For example: Do you have a death certificate? Zipper: *Checks their pulse* Sorry, not yet. Astarion: Good, I'm not fucking a ghost again.

Rodrick: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this... Zipper: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card? Rodrick: Holy moly-

Zipper: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? Ruby: Peonies, why? Zipper: Ruby: Were you going to get me flowers? Zipper: Ruby: Zipper: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒ��ˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Zipper: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting stupid. Ruby: You always act stupid. Ruby: Ruby: Wait...

Zipper: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives. George: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train. Zipper: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Zipper: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you. Ruby: That's great, Zipper. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Zipper: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning. George: This is a lie. George: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie. George: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

George: So you like cats? Zipper: Yeah. George: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Zipper: Two bros! Ruby: Chillin' in a hot tub! Zipper and Ruby, in unison: Zero feet apart 'cause we're GAY AS FUCK!

Astarion: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Zipper: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Astarion: ... Astarion: You mean ring bearER, right? Zipper: ... Astarion: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Astarion: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Zipper: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Loki: Hey, Zipper, what do you think it would be like if we had kids? Zipper: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly. Loki: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it? Zipper: Can't really say I have. Loki: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes. Zipper: Sorry, Loki. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.

Loki: BE A BETTER PERSON! Zipper: WHY?! Loki: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

Zipper: Relationships should be 50/50. Loki cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Loki: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. Zipper: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely* Loki: That one. I want that one.

[kenni33]

Kismet incorrect quotes

Boom: Trickee's refusing to wear their glasses!

Trickee: Boom, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.

Trickee: *points to Branch* Branch.

Trickee: *points to hype*hype

Trickee: *points to ablaze* Sasquatch.

——————

Branch: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Boom: Several traffic violations.

Ablaze: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Trickee: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Hype: Also, that’s not our car.

——————

Boom: What’s something you guys are better than branch at?

Hype: Mario Kart.

Trickee: Yeah, video games.

Ablaze : Emotional vulnerability.

——————

Trickee: So oxygen went on a date with potassium, it went... OK.

Ablaze : I thought oxygen was dating magnesium, OMG.

Trickee: Actually oxygen first asked nitrogen out, but nitrogen was all like NO.

Boom: I thought oxygen had that double bond with the hydrogen twins.

Hype: Looks like someone's a HO.

Ablaze : NaBrO.

Branch: I'm done with all of you!

——————

Ablaze : What do you do when someone offers you drugs?

Hype: Take them!

Trickee: Punch them in the neck!

Branch: Say thank you!

Boom: Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!

Ablaze : …

Ablaze : No.

——————

Trickee: How would you like your pancakes?

Hype: Plain.

Ablaze : With sprinkles!

Boom: Chocolate chips.

Branch: Potatoes.

*Hype, Ablaze , and Boom look at Branch*

Branch: What? They're good.

——————

Trickee: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Hype: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Boom: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Ablaze: I joined you in the dumb stuff.

Branch: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

——————

Hype: What scares you guys the most?

Trickee: Werewolves!

Boom: Sharks.

Branch: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.

Ablaze :

Ablaze : Branch.

——————

Boom: Does everyone know their job for today?

Ablaze : Water the flowers.

Hype: Vacuum the carpet.

Trickee: Wash the dishes.

Branch: Pretend to be a wolverine.

Boom: Close enough.

——————

Branch: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.

Trickee, Hype, Ablaze , and Boom: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

——————

Boom: Are oranges named orange because oranges are orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?

Branch: Which came first, the orange or the orange?

Ablaze : Orange was first used to refer the fruit 1280 years ago but was not used as a color until 1000 years ago.

Trickee: What was the color called before then?

Hype: There was no color, duh! Everything was black and white!

——————

Trickee: I truly hate it here <3

Boom: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it?

Ablaze : Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women?

Hype: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny?

Branch: I’m having a fucking stroke.

Ablaze : Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!

——————

Boom: What does “take out” mean?

Hype: Food.

Branch: Dating.

Ablaze : Murder.

Trickee: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

——————

Hype: Trickee, I know you snuck out to see ablaze last night.

Trickee: If you tell Branch or Boom, I swear I’ll murder you, and they’ll never find the body.

Hype : Five bucks?

Trickee: Fine.

——————

Boom: Hey, how did my phone break?

Trickee: You were drunk yesterday.

Boom: And?

Hype: You threw it.

Boom: Why?

Branch: You turned on airplane mode and kept screaming “FLY DAMN YOU!”

Boom: And why didn’t you stop me?!

Ablaze : We were busy laughing our asses off.

——————

Branch: *visiting kismet* Hello, I just came to-

Branch: *sees Trickee shoving Boom into the washing machine while Hype records and Ablaze watches*

Branch: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

——————

Trickee: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!

Ablaze : You can eat a rock.

Hype: Air.

Boom: The fabric of time and space.

Branch: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.

Trickee: You guys are not helpful.

——————

Ablaze : What state do you live in?

Branch: Constant anxiety.

Boom: Denial.

Trickee: Perfection.

Hype: NEW YORK!

——————

Ablaze : Trickee is late again.

Boom: How did this happen? I called them at 8 o’clock this morning and pretended it was 11.

Hype: I printed up a fake schedule for them saying we were starting at 9 instead of noon.

Branch: I set their clock to say PM when it’s really AM.

Ablaze : Oh boy. We may have overdone it.

*Trickee bursts through the door*

Trickee: WHAT TIME IS IT?

——————

Branch: You’re a loose cannon, Ablaze .

Ablaze : No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Trickee: I think you play by your own rules.

Boom: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

Branch: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Ablaze : No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Hype is a loose cannon.

Hype: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Ablaze !

Boom: I’d say Hype’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing.

Trickee: Now I’m just confused. Is Ablaze a loose cannon or not?

Branch: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

Ablaze : *groans*

Hype: Aw, man.

——————

Branch: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Boom: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Hype: Drunk.

Ablaze : Wasted.

Trickee: Dead.

——————

*The gang's thoughts on stabbing*

Hype: Would never stab anyone.

Trickee: Would stab someone in retaliation.

Boom: Yells "I won't hesitate, bitch!" first.

Ablaze:Would stab without warning.

Branch: Would stab as a warning.

——————

That’s all of them 👍

[selfryedxpunk]

gunther, i got a few words for u

don't care + didn't ask + cry about it + stay mad + get real + L + mald seethe cope harder + hœz mad + basic + skill issue + ratio + you fell off + the audacity + triggered + any askers + redpilled + get a life + ok and? + cringe + touch grass + donowalled + not based + shithead + not funny didn't laugh + you're* + grammar issue + go outside + get good + reported + ad hominem + GG! + ask deez + ez clap + straight cash + ratio again + final ratio + stay mad + stay pressed  + weirdo + cancelled + done for + mad free + freer than air + rip bozo + ew + cringe again + mad cuz bad + lol + irrelevant + cope + jealous + go ahead whine about it + your problem + don't care even more + idgaf + ugly + not okay + what the fuck + problematic

Uhm, girl, who made u mad today 💀 yall need to learn that just bc a community have a toxic part DOESNT mean the whole community is like that. And mabye she just wanted to make friends that likes the same things as her??? She just asked, no need to get mad. And even id she was toxic, not a reason to attack a whole ass community. Its not that deep. She just talked about her interests. Ur mad 4 nothing istg 😭💀

L+ don't care + didn't ask cry about it who asked + stay mad + get real + bleed + maid seethe cope harder + dilate + incorrect + pound sand + basic skill issue + typo + ur dad left + you fell off + no u the audacity triggered repelled + ur a minor+k+any askers get a life + ok and? + cringe + copium + go outside + touch grass kick rocks + quote tweet +think again + not based not funny didn't laugh + reported + ad hominem + ok boomer + no sd and stars+ ur allergic to sunlight+GG! + get rekt trolled + your loss +muted + banned kicked permaban useless I slept with ur mom + yo momma + i said it better tiktok fan + get a life+ unsubscribed + plundered + go tell reddit + donowalled + simp+get sticked bug LOL+ talk nonsense-trump supporter + your're a full time cord mod you're" + grammar issue nerd + get clapped lorem ipsum dolor sit amet + go outside+reported ask deez + ez clap + straight cash + idgaf + ratio again + stay mad + read FAQ + youre lost+ you "re" + stay pressed + reverse double take back cancelled done for+get a job + sus+ baka+ sussy baka+ get blocked + mad free freer than air + furry+rip bozo+you're a finsert stereotype) + slight smile + aired + cringe again + Super Idol + mad cuz bad my pronouns are she, hers, and ber irrelevant deal with it + screencapped your bio karen/kyle) +jealous you're deaf balls+ i'll be right back go ahead whine about it + not straight+ eat paper + you lose + count to three + your problem + no one cares + log off don't care even more + get religion + not okay+ghf+ NFT owner + you make bad memes problematic + fall in line+dog water+ you look like a wall + you are going to my cringe compilation + you can't count to five

[libbys-braincell-loss]

Collection of SMG4 incorrect quotes cuz these are fun yippee ok here we go

most of them are smg34 cuz i have issues lmao

---

SMG3: Are you an F5 key? Because that ass is refreshing.

SMG4: Are you a software update? because not right now.

---

SMG4: The stars are so beautiful...

SMG3: They're just giant balls of gas.

SMG4: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

SMG3: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

SMG4: Oh...

---

SMG4: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.

SMG3: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

---

SMG4: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

SMG3: Peonies, why?

SMG4:

SMG3: Were you going to get me flowers?

SMG4:

SMG3:

SMG4: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

---

SMG3: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

SMG4: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

SMG3: But you’re always acting stupid?

SMG4: ...

SMG4: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

---

SMG4: That was so hot, SMG3.

SMG3: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

SMG4: I'm so in love with you.

---

SMG3: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.

SMG4: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

SMG3: That one. I want that one.

---

Cop: What are your names?

Mario: Don't tell them, Meggy.

Cop, writing: Meggy...

Mario: Crap.

Meggy: Nice going, Mario.

Cop:

Meggy: Uh oh.

---

Meggy: Could you be any more annoying?

Mario: Yes.

---

Meggy: Do we have any orange juice left?

Mario: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*

Mario: Sorry, we’re all out.

---

SMG4: I really like Eminem.

Mario: I prefer skittles.

SMG3: They are talking about the rapper.

Mario: Why would they eat the wrapper?

---

SMG4: So when are we gonna tell them?

SMG3: Just give them a minute.

Mario: *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

---

SMG4: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Meggy: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

SMG3: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!

---

Mario: Aww, what's your dog's name?

SMG3: Eggdog.

Mario, yelling to SMG4: TRY EGGDOG!

SMG4, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!

SMG3:

Mario: What's your favorite number?

---

Meggy: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Mario?

Mario: No.

SMG4: I do!

Meggy: I know, SMG4.

SMG4: I’m sad.

Meggy: I know, SMG4.

---

k thats about it for now lol

got the incorrect quotes from this, i wasn't creative enough to think of these

feel free to use any of these for whatever random bs y'all make lol

[totaleclipse573]

Incorrect Quotes but Terios bc he is my scrimblo

Terios: I've got a weapon, and I'm… admittedly VERY afraid to use it!

Terios, looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

Terios, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Terios: Hello friends! The Squad: Terios: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling

Terios: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces. Terios: waves their finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro

Terios: I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. Shadow: Ok. Terios: Wait, why such a muted reaction? Did that not sound cool?

Shadow: Act natural. Terios: For this kind of situation, the most natural thing would be to panic, so technically I can panic. Shadow: NO, that’s not what I meant! Act like it’s a normal day! Terios: My ‘normal’ days of late, consist of a lot of panic. Shadow: Will you just cooperate? Terios: When a person is panicking, they are not apt to cooperate very well!

Terios: What kinds of sounds annoy you? Eclipse: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones? Terios, now interested: Lets say imaginary. Eclipse: Spiders wearing flip flops.

Terios: Hey there demons, It's me, ya boi. Rouge: Terios, NO!

Rouge: How much did you spend on this date? Terios: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Terios: Didn't you die?! Doleon: That was weeks ago, dude. Things change.

Terios, skipping rocks on a lake with Doleon: It’s such a beautiful evening. Doleon: Yeah, it is. Doleon: whispering Take that you fucking lake.

Shadow: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Eclipse, rushing in: Shadow! Terios tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Eclipse: Hey, check out my Spongebob umbrella! Eclipse opens their umbrella while indoors Terios: Eclipse, that’s bad luck… Eclipse: Chill out, Terios! Shadow, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?! Eclipse and Terios: screams