#instead i just post about my violent thoughts like a normal person.

[blurrymango]

Ffucked up thoughts pertaining to Murdoc and 2D, as per usual-

"What kind of disorders could we diagnose them with? And how can I sexualize it?"

Like.

Nope nevermind post cancelled mood ruined thought I found a cool account but they think 2D is the top I need to kill myself and I need to bash my head in.

In a better world I would be allowed to do this^ to people who think 2D is a top.

But sadly I can't and instead I'm forced to deal with knowing those folks exist.

So I just sit here like this^ instead, on the verge of crying or throwing up because I can't handle people who think differently from me on this.

[jayflrt]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝟕𝟖𝟔 08. boo boo the fool

nsfw content below (minors dni)

WHEN YOU GOT HOME, THE LIGHTNESS IN YOUR CHEST QUICKLY BECAME THICK UNEASINESS.

Your bi-level penthouse was dark when you entered, and you felt more alone than ever. Even your day out with Yuna felt strange; deep down, you didn't exactly forgive her, but you felt obligated to accept her apology once she poured her heart out to you. At this point, you didn't even want to check your texts from Giselle, Karina, or Yeonjun about the Instagram stories she posted. You were just as exasperated that she took them despite her so-called social media break.

Even calling your father felt like a chore. You listened to him ramble on about how you needed to do better and strive for greatness. Fix up your resumé. Reach out if you needed referrals. Do more. Make connections. Work harder. Be the person he wanted you to be.

After you showered and settled in to unwind for the night, you heard a knock at the door—five knocks, actually. The pattern was familiar; it was Sunghoon's signature knock. You and your boyfriend came up with it years ago to use on each other, and the repetition made your heart twist painfully in your chest.

You weren't quite sure if you were ready to see him. Not after the argument you both had.

Still, you crossed your living room to open the door because you were far too weak to ignore him.

When you saw him, flushed cheeks from the cold and fluffy hair falling over his forehead, you felt butterflies flap violently in your stomach.

"Can I come in?" he asked, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his trench coat.

"Of course." You opened the door wider for him. "I thought you said you were busy."

"Never too busy for my girl."

Normally, those words would have made you blush so hotly that you wouldn't be able to hide your shyness from him. This time, however, you felt a pang of disappointment. How come he could say that so easily but went back on his words every single time? Not to mention he wasn't even looking at you as he said it.

"Are you staying over tonight?" you asked, hope swelling in your chest when he took off his coat.

You and Sunghoon hadn't slept together since school started, and it was starting to upset you because you hardly got to see him over the summer, too. He was busy with his internship most of the time, and then when you two went to Bora Bora with Heeseung, you barely had any privacy to start anything with him.

"Can I?" He circled his arms around your waist to pull you closer. His voice dropped to a murmur when he added, "I think I'll be really tired later, so..."

You swallowed thickly. That could only mean one thing, right? You hoped you weren't getting your hopes up over nothing. The scalding knot in your stomach grew tighter when you felt his body press against yours.

"Yeah, I still have your pajamas," you said, "and your toothbrush is still in my bathroom."

After leading him to the couch, your boyfriend gave you a foot massage while you told him about your day. You admitted to feeling lonely, and Sunghoon apologized with a frown, although you weren't feeling hopeful that he would do anything about it.

"Is it school that's stressing you out?" he asked in that ever-so-tender voice that made you melt. "Is it The Order? You don't have to try so hard, you know?"

"They only take fifteen people," you replied. "I can't be sure one of them will be me."

"Better you than anyone else. I thought you said you were getting close to Jennie."

"I am, but"—you sighed—"I just feel like I'm gonna blow the interview. What am I gonna do when they ask what I wanna do with my life?"

Sunghoon gave you an odd look, as if the answer was as clear as day. "Tell them you're taking over Mercy West."

"But what if I don't want to?"

"Why wouldn't you want to?"

Because I'm not you, you thought. Because my aspirations aren't living up to my dad's expectations.

Instead, you settled for saying, "I think I'm just stressed."

"I know it's hard." He was nodding in understanding as he pressed kisses to the top of your head. You were so wrapped up in your own head that you hardly noticed some of the tender pecks. "I almost gave up on trying to be my dad's favorite."

You frowned. "Did Sungjin say something again?"

"He's just being a dick like always, but enough of that. Is everything alright with your parents?"

"They're the same as ever. I see mom, like, four times a year—unless she decides she wants to fly me out somewhere—and then dad's always too busy to be around. At least now I can live alone and go see them whenever they're around."

Then, the strangest words came out of Sunghoon's mouth, and he said them as if he was in some sort of dreamlike trance. "What if we just ran away together?"

"We could," you replied, entertaining the idea. "Buy a house in Iceland. Raise a couple of dogs together. We could start our own business or something."

"What kind of business?" He hummed as he thought. "Ah, we could make friendship bracelets."

You barked out a laugh. "Friendship bracelets? That's a business?"

"Yeah, you used to be really good at making them. I still have the one you gave me."

"You do?"

"It's not on me because I'm scared of losing it, but I've kept it in a box at home. Still fits like a charm."

You smiled at the memory, thinking back to the days of your youth when you stayed up all night making those bracelets for him and Heeseung. You thought you had unlocked some sort of hidden talent back then (especially after Heeseung went on and on about how he had never seen such a well-made bracelet, which you realized later was probably the first friendship bracelet he had seen). You didn't realize back then that you wove Sunghoon's with special feelings in each strand.

Sunghoon then proposed watching one of the cheesy reality shows you were addicted to. His hands were wrapped securely around you, and you settled comfortably in his chest. The both of you laid there well after the show ended and your TV screen turned off.

"I missed you," he murmured into your hair.

"I missed you, too—so much."

He was stroking your cheek gently by now—soothing circles that almost lulled you into a trance. The unsteady breath you drew in was almost pathetic.

"I'm so tired of all the arguments."

"I don't wanna fight with you, I just—"

"I know." His hands moved up to cup your cheeks, supporting your jaw enough to tilt your chin up higher. His gaze ran over the curve of your lips before he inched closer. "Let me just make it up to you, okay?"

You could only nod, dazed, before Sunghoon pressed his lips to yours with fervor.

His fingers were lost in your hair while your hands gripped the front of his shirt. Your lips succumbed as soon as his tongue prodded at your lower lip, begging for more. Sunghoon didn't seem to have the mind to take it slow; he wanted everything you offered—all at once. The way his hands dropped to your hips to grab you and pull you to him made you believe he would've ravaged you if he had less patience.

He was like a storm. You could hardly keep up with him, but you wanted more. With a broken whimper against his lips and your fingers now unbuttoning his shirt, you completely forgot where you even were as he cupped your breasts with little restraint.

Each kiss felt like he was breathing life back into you. You had yearned for him to hold you like this for so long, and your relationship was starting to feel hopeless once all the constant fights were going on. Now, finally, it felt like that spark was back.

"Sit up," he ordered in a low voice, and you had no mind to question him once you felt his bulge pressing against your thigh, "and take off your shorts."

Was this really happening? You almost always got him off first. He always returned the favor afterward, of course, but this was a shocking development.

But you weren't complaining.

You didn't break eye contact with your boyfriend as you sat back on your white couch, shimmying off your satin shorts before you did so and discarding them. Five grand and soft fabric, but you didn't even care if Sunghoon was about to ruin it.

His gaze was hungry. You had to pretend your veins weren't melting at the very look in his eyes, and, oh, how they darkened at the sight of your bare thighs pressed together.

Sunghoon rolled his sleeves up and then unclasped his watch in a single motion—without even looking at it—and tossed it aside without a second thought. It was the watch his father had gotten him for his eighteenth birthday. The forty grand watch his father had gotten him—laying on the ground.

His hands pushed your legs apart, rubbing your thighs up and down before his fingers teased the band of your underwear. He snapped it playfully, causing you to press your lips together tightly. You didn't dare show him a reaction in case he decided to tease you by pulling away.

But he didn't. He was too impatient for that now as he slipped his fingers past the band and tugged your underwear down to your ankles, keeping direct eye contact with you the entire time. You kicked it off your feet and watched as Sunghoon bent his head to kiss up your thighs.

Slow, open-mouthed kisses that left you biting your lip hard enough that you were almost afraid it would bleed.

"Please," you whispered once he reached the apex of your legs.

Sunghoon grinned up at you, all smug and cocky. The sight could've brought you to your knees if you were still standing.

"Anything for you, my pretty girl."

He moved your legs so that they were over his shoulders, and you leaned back so that you could hold onto the head of the couch. He pressed a hot kiss to your cunt, and you shuddered at the feeling of his soft lips.

He pressed a few more lingering, open-mouthed kisses to your pulsing muscle before licking a long stripe along your soaked cunt, humming inquisitively with an almost insufferable, teasing lilt.

You gasped at the contact, arching back against the couch as Sunghoon flattened his tongue against your folds and continued lapping at your arousal. You felt like you were floating elsewhere, unable to come back down to reality.

It was almost painful how turned on you were. You nearly cried out when his tongue ran over your engorged clit—sore and throbbing from how badly you needed him.

Your soft, broken moans must have roused Sunghoon to push your hips down and start eating you out with sudden vigor. You felt sweat start to bead at the bridge of your nose, leaving a sheen across your flushed skin.

With the position you were in, you struggled to grind your hips against his tongue for more. You needed more. The pleasure was almost overwhelming, but you couldn't stop yourself from chasing your high.

"How good am I making you feel?" he asked in that silky, velvety voice of his.

"S-so good," you managed to get out through teary eyes. "I can't, Hoon, I—"

He shushed you with his lips still pressed against your cunt. His very breath traveled all the way up your spine, up to your already foggy brain and making it all the more cloudy and dazed.

"Cum for me, pretty girl," he murmured, and he plunged his tongue inside you with no mercy.

You felt like you had burst into flames seconds later. The pleasure racked your body in waves, nearly causing you to double over on the arm of your couch. You gripped the fabric tighter until you suspected you had plucked some loose strings right out.

You had no idea you were crying out in pleasure until Sunghoon was shushing you gently, moving back up right after your orgasm to hold you in his arms and kiss you with utmost passion. You were practically clawing at him, begging him to help you ride out your orgasm, but he wasn't listening.

You pouted, whining, "But I want more."

"Baby, it's late," he said, stroking your hair after he pushed the loose strands out of your face. "I promise we'll have all the time in the world to ourselves soon."

Although you were slightly disappointed, you nodded, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting him hold you tight to his body. He knew that you liked to be a little clingy after intimacy, so even though you were upset that you couldn't pleasure him in return, you still wanted to be close to your boyfriend.

You let Sunghoon carry you to bed. He was always so gentle in how he laid you down properly in your queen-sized bed and tucked you in. Even though your eyelids felt heavy, you waited for him to change into the spare clothes he left at your place ages ago, and then crawl in next to you once he was ready.

He pressed a kiss to your temple, then your cheek, then the palm of your hand.

Sunghoon stroked your side gently, circling his thumb against your skin as he asked you, "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," you replied too quickly, still clouded by love and the afterglow of your orgasm.

"Why are you still friends with Yuna?" His gaze was intense for a moment before softening again. "I don't think she's... good for you."

Soon after, hot acid roiled in your gut. The chill that ran down your spine felt like nails against a chalkboard.

Everything came crashing down.

"She's just gonna keep hurting you," he continued, carding his fingers through your hair. When all you could do was stare at him, Sunghoon took that as his cue to settle back into bed and nestle his chin into the crook of your neck. "Just think about it, okay?"

"Wait—is that why you came over?" you asked, hardly audible, and you weren't exactly sure if Sunghoon even caught your words.

"Huh?" He rubbed his eyes, his voice muffled with sleep. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you down by his side. "Let's just go to bed, baby. We can talk tomorrow."

Stiff and unwilling, your body hardly relaxed in his hold. You complied all the same, though, because your shock was so immense that no words came to mind. All you could do was close your eyes and will your tears away before your boyfriend noticed that you were crying.

Hysteria rose in your throat, but before the hilarity and absolute despair of the situation was about to overtake you, odd numbness filled your body instead.

You were questioning everything—questioning your feelings for Sunghoon, questioning his feelings for you.

And maybe those weren't butterflies in your stomach, after all. Maybe they were moths, fluttering erratically in the direction of a light that would only burn them.

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SUMMARY ▸ private investigator jay park just wants to complete his mission quietly and move on with his life. you, his new assignment who keeps consuming his thoughts, don't make that very easy for him.

[slackerlifewhere]

random thought #3

[Minor SPOILERS for the first part of TCF]

Cale treats his ancient powers like they're his friends. Some would say he "stole" them for his own benefit but I just can't see it that way after everything I read in the novel.

Cale, former Kim Rok Soo, made a connection with these people. To me, they're not just powers to him. In fact, it feels like he understands what happened to them and if he doesn't, he quietly listens to their stories. And the way he talks to them also feels less like a selfish person who wants to use them for his own protection and greed for power but more like giving them the chance to see a beautiful world that became peaceful because of them. It's like he's comforting them after they suffered so much in the past (which is also connected to the healing thing I talked about in my other post).

Like yeah, he's annoyed at them most of the time but he doesn't blame them whenever he gets hurt or bleeds way too much as a backlash after using them. Instead, he simply helps them achieve what they couldn't do when they died.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Cale said goodbye to the rumbling tree as if it was a person and exited the fenced area.

- Chapter 5: They Met

If he truly didn't care about them, he wouldn't get angry for them or at one point, he would've let their voices disappear in favor of getting stronger.

I like his relationship with them. Like they're the voices inside his head (lmao) and it might feel like he has wireless headphones attached to his ears 24/7 but he treats them the same way he treats the rest of his friends and family and it's really nice to see.

This is kind of the reason why I feel a bit weirded out(?) when fanfiction authors would completely erase Cale's (OG KRS) existence in the fic and replace him with OG Cale and give the other the ancient powers. Like I get people like OG Cale, I do as well, but it feels kinda wrong to see them with another person after seeing Cale bond with these people. In fact, I can't imagine them being with anyone but Cale, this chaotic little shit who gives Super Rock huge headaches and makes the others go violent for or with him whenever he's fighting with an asshole. Aside from one ancient power (if you know, you know), I just can't see him having none of them with him after everything he went through with them.

I keep remembering his almost one-sided conversations with all of them because most of the time it's chaotic but the rest are just as emotional with a feeling of deep understanding coming from him. It feels like he always has someone with him so whenever they're silent, I feel like the air is too heavy (like those few incidents when I just want to hug Cale).

I think the best description for Cale is that he's full of empathy.

So yeah, this is a random topic I thought about chaotic Cale and his equally chaotic ancient powers. Yes, I'm including Super Rock who isn't normal either. He's tamer than the rest but he's definitely not normal 🤣 I swear some people who think they're normal in the story are probably in denial like Cale is.

It just popped in my head when I saw the line about the tree in Chapter 5, which I quoted above ☝️

[Note: I'm not saying these authors are doing anything bad, by the way. This is just my opinion and I usually just skip those fics when I see them. I won't stop others from reading those fics just because I feel weird about this one thing about the ancient powers]

[Second note: This is about the first part of TCF, I dunno what happens in the second part yet but I hope to see more of his interactions with them]

[wannaeatramyeon]

taehoon first kiss hc pls

Oh you thought you were gonna get something fun huh? Something a bit lighthearted and fluffy? Surprise! Take some comfort with a little bit of hurt.

Seong Taehoon x Reader: Hospital Kisses

Accompanying ch103 - post Baek Seongjun fight. You visit Taehoon in the hospital

Taehoon isn't sure he could bear the look on your face.

"I'm ok. I'll be discharged soon."

He really was not ok. Seongjun had done a number.

But even in his current state, Taehoon couldn't miss the way your lip trembled when you walked in, the way your eyes turned misty as you looked over him and saw the bruises and the injuries.

You flicker a watery smile his way, trying your hardest to look unconcerned at the fact your boyfriend is sitting in a hospital bed. Like this is an everyday occurence. It's normal, it's fine.

Occupying the seat next to the bed, you avoid Taehoon's eyes. If you looked at him any longer, you were sure the tears would come thick and fast, with no end in sight.

Instead your eyes rove all over the bed. Taking in the well-worn hospital blanket, the fraying threads, Taehoon's thin hospital clothes poking out between the sheets - leading to bandages, leading to a drip, leading to his bloodied and swollen fists-

You avert your eyes and stare at the ground instead.

"Cmon, you're ruining our first date," Taehoon's voice snaps you out of your unpleasant reverie. You somehow muster up a wry smile.

"I think this is the worst first date ever."

Even now, he manages to sound cocky, "How is it bad when you're with Seong Taehoon?"

"You're such an idiot."

"Don't think I can't hit you in my condition," he threatens without malice. Ah, maybe this isn't the right time, he thinks as any hint of cheer disappears from your eyes.

Taehoon changes tactics.

"Just... come here," Taehoon has never been one to comfort anyone. He prefers tough love, if not just the violent and physical kind where he kicks the shit out of someone. But, he supposes, for you he can try.

He hides any discomfort as he shuffles over, leaving enough room in the bed for you.

"Are you sure?" You hesitate, not wanting to potentially aggravate any injuries.

"Are you being difficult?"

Carefully, you slide yourself in next to him, trying not to disturb anything. You find yourself pressed shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip; the heat of his thigh warming yours.

The results from the fight is much more apparent at this angle. You can see the discolouration and the cuts, the way Taehoon holds himself more delicately.

"Hey, can you stop scanning me. I said I'm fine." Taehoon's frustration creep into his voice. His personality never drifts too far from its prickly and fiery baseline.

"S-sorry..."

Despite his tone, Taehoon isn't annoyed. Not really. He's not sure he could ever truly be annoyed with you.

"Hey," Taehoon says again, much softer. He cups your chin and turns your face towards him. He takes in your wet lashes and the slight quiver to your lips.

"Y/N..." he's always liked the way your name felt on his lips. These days he wonders about the touch of yours on his too.

Taehoon closes the distance and silences your fears with a kiss.

[disciple-of-owen]

The Southern Raiders: Some Thoughts

Ah, The Southern Raiders: that pivotal episode in which Zuko and Katara bury the hatchet, allowing our favorite Fire Prince to finally become a full-fledged Gaangster. Fans have expressed wildly different takes regarding this episode over the years, so I thought I’d toss in my two cents.

An important disclaimer before beginning: I am NOT anti-Zuko, and it is not my intention for this to be an anti-Zuko post. Having said that, I think it’s important to accept that Zuko’s redemption, magnificent as it is, does not expunge his character of defects. He remains a flawed person to the end of series, and I think much of his behavior in this particular episode is deserving of criticism.

Anyway, let’s start with the moment when Zuko announces to the Gaang that he and Katara are planning to track down her mother’s killer. Anything in quotes is from the show’s transcript, which belongs to Bryke, Nickelodeon, Paramount, and whoever the hell else has their hooks in Avatar at this point.

Aang: “Um… and what exactly do you think this is going to accomplish?”

An important thing to note here: Aang is not starting this conversation with an ‘I’ statement (I think, I feel, etc.). Instead, he is keeping the focus on Katara by asking her to elaborate on her thought process.

Katara: “Ugh. I knew you wouldn’t understand.”

A bit harsh, but Katara is experiencing a huge amount of emotional pain with the reopening of this wound. She is in no mood to be questioned (which is not to say that she shouldn’t be questioned) and that is valid.

Aang: “Wait, stop! I do understand. You’re feeling unbelievable pain and rage. How do you think I felt about the sandbenders when they stole Appa? How do you think I felt about the Fire Nation when I found out what happened to my people?”

Of all the moments that anti-Aang people disingenuously twist out of context, this is one of the most common. These individuals claim that Aang is belittling and dismissing Katara’s feelings by comparing the loss of her mother to the loss of Appa. This is a braindead take for three reasons:

Aang’s rage at the sandbenders wasn’t just about ‘losing Appa’. It was about being the sole survivor of a horrific genocide and losing the last piece he had of his people.

He puts Katara’s pain on the same level as the pain he feels regarding said genocide. If that isn’t taking her feelings seriously, I don’t know what the fuck is.

The whole reason he is making this comparison is not to determine whose trauma is greater, but to establish that he and Katara have common emotional ground upon which they can build a dialogue.

Zuko: “She needs this, Aang. This is about closure and justice.”

Frankly, I think it’s a bit audacious of Zuko to claim he knows what Katara needs when he’s been on normal speaking terms with her for a total of, what, 30 minutes? Still, I believe his heart is in the right place here.

Aang: “I don’t think so. I think it’s about getting revenge.”

And now, Aang voices his concern. Given how well Aang knows Katara, coupled with Zuko’s use of the word ‘justice’ regarding her mother’s killer, it is not at all unreasonable for him to assume that violent revenge might be on the cards. Katara immediately validates this assumption.

Katara: “Fine, maybe it is! Maybe that’s what I need! Maybe that’s what he deserves!”

I actually love this line; it’s not often that heroes in YA fantasies get to shed all pretense of morality and openly admit that base revenge is what they’re after. It makes Katara intensely believable in this episode.

Aang: “Katara, you sound like Jet.”

Aang reminds us of a vital lesson here: while it’s important to support your friends, it’s equally important to challenge them when you see them going down a potentially self-destructive path. That is what separates being a ride-or-die from being an enabler.

Katara: “It’s not the same! Jet attacked the innocent. This man, he’s a monster.”

Every word here is true, but the Gaang didn’t encounter Jet until he was many years into his unique brand of ‘freedom fighting’. Who’s to say he didn’t start out with Katara’s reasoning? Sokka seems to be thinking along these lines…

Sokka: “Katara, she was my mother too, but I think Aang might be right.”

Katara: “Then you didn’t love her the way I did!”

I have mixed feelings about this line. On the one hand, Katara is a child who has undergone immense trauma, and she has every right to express that. On the other, having trauma does not give you license to be cruel to others. There aren’t any easy answers here, which, again, is what makes Katara’s character especially fascinating in this episode.

Sokka: “Katara!”

Aang: “The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you’re being poisoned yourself.”

Some might say this line is a bit preachy. Myself, I think Aang is speaking the way the monks taught him to in moments of conflict. Metaphors can be powerful tools for conveying meaning when regular words aren’t cutting through.

Zuko: “That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple pre-school. It’s the real world.”

And here we have a deeply problematic comment from Zuko.

Now before the torches and pitchforks come out, let me clarify: I do not think Zuko is an active bigot. At all. It is indisputable, however, that he was brought up in a racist, imperialist society. Let’s take a closer look at what he says here:

“That’s cute, but this isn’t Air Temple pre-school.” What we have here is an example of infantilization; Zuko is essentially calling one of the pillars of Air Nomad culture childish nonsense.

“It’s the real world.” Implying that the Air Nomads’ worldview is simple-minded and incompatible with the world as it is.

Now let’s compare Zuko’s words to what Ozai says to Aang in their final struggle.

Ozai: “You are weak! Just like the rest of your people! They did not deserve to exist in this world!”

“That’s cute,”

“You are weak!”

“It’s the real world.”

“They did not deserve to exist in this world!”

I repeat, I don’t think Zuko is being consciously racist here, and I am certainly not comparing him as a person to his father. What I AM saying is that both Zuko and Ozai were raised on the same diet of Fire Nation propaganda, and that this propaganda still colours Zuko’s worldview to some extent.

Katara: “Now that I know he’s out there… now that I know we can find him, I feel like I have no choice.”

Katara is effectively and honestly communicating her feelings here.

Aang: “Katara, you do have a choice: forgiveness.”

And Aang is seriously engaging with those feelings. Note: he isn’t saying that Katara has to forgive (he is perfectly content with her decision not to forgive Yon Rha at the episode’s conclusion); he is simply pointing out that she does, in fact, have a choice.

Zuko: “That’s the same as doing nothing!”

Not gonna lie, not a fan of Zuko in this moment. And if we ever needed proof that Aang is the more emotionally mature of the two, it comes with the next line.

Aang: “No, it isn’t. It’s easy to do nothing… but it’s hard to forgive.”

Some excellent wisdom, spoken from a place of experience.

Katara: “It’s not just hard. It’s impossible.”

Again, Katara expressing her truth. Again, totally valid.

I’m gonna skip ahead just a bit to when Aang and Sokka find Zuko and Katara preparing to steal Appa, as this is an important moment.

Katara: “Don’t try to stop us.”

Aang: “I wasn’t planning to. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man. But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.”

Aang has expressed his concerns, but he has also listened to Katara and recognizes that this is something she needs to do. He provides the use of Appa and offers some final words of wisdom, which have a huge impact on Katara later in the episode.

Zuko: “Okay, we’ll be sure to do that, guru goody-goody.”

Wow. Just… wow.

Katara: “Thank you for understanding.”

We all know how the story goes from here: Katara and Zuko go on their quest, Katara continues to spiral into darkness, and when the big moment finally comes, she chooses not to lower herself to Yon Rha’s level.

So, to conclude:

Thoughts on Katara: People should give Katara a break. Sure, she’s kind of a jerk in this episode, but she is also 14(15?) and dealing with a lot. We can be critical of some of the specific language she uses, but we shouldn’t be critical of her expressing her trauma.

Another point worth noting: while Aang’s advice does play a role in Katara’s ultimate decision not to murder Yon Rha (as per Bryke’s own words), she isn’t just blindly following his recommendations. She spares her mother’s killer, but she does it on her own terms. Which is excellent.

Thoughts on Zuko: As mentioned previously, I do think Zuko’s desire to help Katara in this episode is genuine. Having said that, I also think his judgement is being clouded both by his projected feelings towards Ozai (his own Yon Rha) and a desire to get what he wants (in this case, Katara’s approval). If Katara’s well-being were truly his ultimate motivator, I don’t believe he would have been so dismissive of Aang’s concerns.

Though, to his credit, Zuko does acknowledge in the end that Aang had been right all along.

Thoughts on Aang: In the DVD commentary for this episode, the creators talk about how, in many ways, The Southern Raiders is actually a story about Aang and Katara; that Aang’s words are present with Katara throughout the episode as her shoulder angel, not judging her or telling her what to do, but helping her find her way through the darkness. This is a beautiful (yet realistically imperfect) moment in their relationship, and I am here for it.

[purgemarchlockdown]

Deep Cover prep involves me organizing the Kotoko Thoughts and something I think about a lot is her Adherence to the Status Quo rather than Revolting against it.

It's something that seems strange at first since Kotoko is so overtly violent and aggressive and hateful towards society, but what we know about Kotoko's Worldview are things that seem In Favor in not only keeping the hierarchical status quo, but to make it Stricter.

It's notable to Me that Kotoko wants to partner up with Milgram instead of fighting against it, she believes in Milgrams' ability to affirm "justice."

(Task)

Kotoko: To be honest, I don't know your (*Milgram's?) true intentions. And I don't know whether you are a similar person with similar thoughts. Who knows, maybe it's just my delusion of wishful thinking. Even so, it uses multiple ways to reveal good and evil. To me, MILGRAM, this kind of nature itself, has a kind of charm to it. So? Do you understand me as a person now?

Now, personally. I think Milgram as a Prison is flawed in...multiple ways, and is extremely unjust and unhelpful in actually doing any sort of justice due to being so extreme and unnuanced that it ultimately just harms everyone at the end of of it all. Kotoko even acknowledges that the prison is using unjust methods in Yonah.

(Yonah)

Kotoko: So you tolerate all of the psychological abuse going on in this prison, but draw the line at the physical one? What double standards you have!

She doesn't Stop wanting to become Es fang here, actually she wants them to become even more cruel and harsh and have no mercy for any of the prisoners.

(Kotoko: I can excuse the abuse but I draw the line at hypocrisy

Me: You can excuse the abuse?)

1moremilgram-enjoyer talked about that Kotoko believes that the world's normal state of being is "good" and that evil is a poison infecting it.

The normalcy sought for, Fading away, Everytime death comes

Which informs a lot of her ableism and violence against people who she deems as "sinners."

And I've personally talked a lot about how Kotoko idealizes the Past, and is stuck as how she was as a child. Telling Amane that she was Exactly how she was at her age...that being twelve. She outright admits she hasn't grown from being a child, as if that's something to be proud of. Her worldview is strict and immature frankly, it doesn't allow for any nuance.

(We have a Word for an ideology that idolizes the past and enforces hierarchical power systems for the "good" of humanity and I would link archivalofsins post to it IF I COULD FIND IT-)

Kotoko Believes in the current hierarchies of the prison (the world) and just believes that the people running it are flawed and that if they just instate the Good People everything will be Fine Actually.

Es: Your hand.. What does it mean? Kotoko: Let's shake hands. We will be companions. Es: You and me.. Companions?

She believes in the power of violence and believes that using it is the only way to Truly bring about justice is by using physical force.

T1Q4: When did you start learning martial arts? In elementary school, perhaps. Without enough power, you can't enforce justice and do the right thing, can you?

She does not believe in mercy or compassion, nor is she wiling to put in the effort into understanding that it is Much Harder to make the world a better place than she would like it to be.

T1Q7: What did you study at university? For a while, I studied at the faculty of law. There's something I want to do, so I'm currently taking a break from studies, though.

She wants a good, simple, clean, answer. A group of people she can blame the evils of this world on.

Whose fault is it, This is getting ridiculous What should the punishment be

(Kotoko Birthday Timeline. 12/15/2023)

Kotoko: “Fufufu, fufufufufu. You’re thinking some outrageous things. To be frank, it’s abnormal. But I don’t dislike it. If only all sinners were like you.”

She just needs to find someone who "agrees" with her, a Good Person who can enforce the system the way She wants it enforced.

I've chosen the awaited hero

[moonspirit]

Mr Leonhart opinions and Annie and his relationship post cannon headcannons?

(Ik u fic is dealing with him atm so u dont have to make it related of u don’t want to)

Like (if he lives long enough as my friend thinks he will die before this will happen) do u think he will be a good grandfather? Will Annie let her kid see him?

Will he walk Annie down the aisle or will someone else do it?!? I wish we got more on their relationship

Hi Hello!!

Annie and her dad huh. To be honest I never really felt much in either like or dislike towards Mr.Leonhardt, instead I always just went 😟😟 when we got Annie's backstory in full. He was a bad father, but then seeing a few takes on why he was a Trash Dad, I thought "Oh yeah that makes sense." I'm fully on board the Trash Dad Camp now.

In that regard, my personal take is that the relationship between Annie and her dad never really "goes" anywhere, post canon. There is too much abuse in her childhood, abuse that he inflicted on her for entirely selfish reasons. He didn't see an orphaned baby but a tool he could sharpen into a blade for himself. Annie's the way she is emotionally because of how he "raised her". So I find it very hard to see them having a very normal & cheerful father and daughter relationship, post canon.

Because he cried and hugged her before she left, Annie was touched (and haha she was touched by the half iota of affection there because he deprived her of any at all lmao) and made it her life mission to reunite with him. But to me, that doesn't seem enough to repair a whole decade of abuse and how he used her. Initial relief and happiness aside (like the hug in Fort Salta), I don't see them being chummy. Her father knows nothing about her. What Annie likes or dislikes, food wise, people wise, anything wise. She made her first friends in the 104th, she trashed her mission for a boy, she went back to the battle for the alliance members she obviously cared for - this is Annie. This is the real Annie, not what her father knew in those 10 years when she likely didn't know herself either.

So, honestly and if anything, their relationship post canon is functional. Functional in the respect that they talk, they share meals, they spend some time together, but it never progresses beyond that. It doesn't heal. It isn't repaired. They don't get close. Instead it's something that exists, with some stability - and I think Annie needs that stability.

(anything more on that and I'll spoil VBEOW, sorry xD)

As for the headcanons you asked... For me they all work off the above perspective I have. Mr. Leonhardt being a good grandfather? I honestly like to think he wouldn't know the first thing about being a good parent, let alone a grandfather. Simply being remorseful of your past actions doesn't transform you into a radically different human being without any serious effort put in. We don't know how he "truly changed" (if at all) during the years Annie was away. He may not be an angry violent man anymore but it's still not enough to be a good parent figure. Caring for someone is a whole different thing, after all.

Will Annie let her child close to him? Sure. I think that's part of having a functional and stable relationship with her father, she won't ban her child from interaction. But there will not be any "closeness" or "warmth", and the child may not spend too much time with Mr. Leonhardt anyway.

Now, god, will he walk Annie down the aisle? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm gonna be emotional and angry and say: his leg is probably much worse, so Annie has the luck of getting Jean or Reiner or Connie doing it instead. Much better.

Thank you for asking :3

[treysimp]

Violent Delights (Part 1)

GN!Reader/Yandere!Cater Diamond (Explicit)

Part 1 (This Part!) // Part 2 // Part 3 (Coming Soon)

Well, I tricked myself into another one lads. Pour one out for me thinking that I can control myself around anime boys. This might end up having at least a part two because I am a mess.

Tags: smut, yandere, masturbation, unhealthy behavior, obsessive behavior, reader's body not described nor are pronouns used.

Want more twst? Here's my masterlist!

It felt like fate, really. 

His life had been black and white, monotone and bleak. It was a constant game of hiding his feelings, and his intentions, masking every thought with a giggle and a smile. 

It was like a game, but not a fun one. The kind of game you get stuck playing to keep someone else distracted long enough to pass the time with less idle conversation. A distraction. Not an unwanted one, just bland, boring, and mostly useless.

That was until you burst into his life. 

At first glance, you did seem so normal. 

There was nothing that clearly set you apart from any other Night Raven student. You were cute of course, there was no denying that. However, as soon as Cater saw the ripple effect that your arrival had on the school as a whole, his idle interest turned into fascination.

Life was finally worth paying attention to. The lifeless day-to-day he had been trudging through his whole life had become a flurry of color and excitement. It was fascinating and exhilarating, and somehow you were always at the center of it. 

A person probably couldn't get into more trouble if they tried. You were constantly making enemies and friends. The poor magic-less Prefect of the Ramshackle Dorm always seemed to tangle themselves into yet another carefully constructed web of lies, resentment and deceit on the daily. Your action ultimately unraveling even the most carefully designed plots.

Cater was thinking of you constantly. Wondering what you were doing, who you were talking to, wishing that you were talking to him instead. 

He found himself idly checking your MagiCam account for updates whenever he had nothing to do. His fingers would automatically type in your username to see if you had posted something new in the last five minutes. 

Whenever you add another gorgeous snapshot of you and your infectious smile, your sardonic sense of humor, he felt hypnotized. He would stare at the ways your eyes crinkle when you smiled, the way you knitted your brows in disapproval in candid shots, and how you covered your mouth with your hand to hide your laughter during a particularly chaotic moment. Heavenly, all of it was.

He was the first to admit that whatever these feelings could truly be called, they weren’t a good look. If someone else heard all of the thoughts that passed through his head they would wonder what was wrong with him. That was okay, he only needed you. He had decided to call these feelings ‘love’, regardless of what anyone else might think. It was romantic after all, like a fairy tale.  

Daily, he would regularly spend time obsessing about how he would ‘accidentally’ run into you today. Luckily for him, you spent a lot of time with his underclassmen, so you were in Heartslabyul often. Unluckily for him, you knew his underclassmen and they were the reason you visited so often. 

He restrained a frown when he would see one of tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dumber touch you, or call your name too familiarly, or look at you too long, or talk to you for more than a minute at a time. No one else knew that you two were soulmates yet, but that’s okay because he did. 

Cater had devoted his time memorizing your habits, likes and dislikes. It would be worth it when you had a bad day and he could surprise you with your favorite dessert, when you were sad he would know exactly why, and someday he would buy you every gift you had your eye on, just to prove that he knew you so well.

One day he noticed that you weren’t using your favorite pencil to write. Your pen strokes were less sure and steady and your brows knit into a frown of concentration. 

Thankfully he prepared for these kinds of eventualities. 

Cater silently walked behind your seated form, holding a pencil identical to your favorite in hand. Kneeling down to the ground and then pretending to pick the pencil back up with an audible clatter, he quietly cleared his throat to get your attention.

“Did you drop this, Prefect?” He asked, extending the pencil to you. You had lost this pencil the other day, left it somewhere probably. That was okay though, he was here for you.

Your eyes lit up when you saw your pencil, gently taking it from Cater's hand.

“Oh my gosh! I thought I had lost this! Thank you for picking it up.” Your smile was sweet and breathtaking. 

Cater felt himself reaching to stroke your cheek, but he was able to divert his hand to clap you on the shoulder at the last second instead. 

“Any time! You know I’ve got you!” Cater said with a wink. 

He took the opportunity of his hand being so near your head to mess up your hair and laugh at your grumbles of dissatisfaction and half-hearted attempts to swat his hand away. Despite all of this, you were still smiling.

“I know, Cater. Thank you.” 

Cater gave you a final ‘yeah, yeah’ while he walked away, covering his face with a sleeve to hide the flush that had spread from his nose to his ears. 

You were something else. It was too early to tell you that he loved you, but it was getting harder to resist every day. He just needed to bide his time for the perfect moment. 

You deserve no less.

Any time he was lucky enough to get a glimpse of you in the halls he felt like his breath was taken away, every other person and thing dimming from his view as if a spotlight had shone itself on you and you alone. His heart would beat like crazy the whole time, but he had to take the opportunity to talk to you. Missing a single second of your attention seemed unthinkable. 

Today you had done something different to your hair and something else was implacably off about you as well. It looked like you tried to look nice for someone. 

Shoving down the stab of fear and anger that thought elicited from him, he knew he needed to go say hi. Cater had no idea why you looked so gorgeous today, but you were truly perfect. He knew that you wouldn’t betray your future love like that, he was just overthinking it. Clearly, there was a reasonable explanation.  

Plastering on a smile, Cater ran up behind you, swinging an arm around your shoulders as he snapped as many pictures of your surprised face as he could manage. 

How could he help it? You were just so cute.

"Smile for the cam!" He giggled, taking the opportunity to quickly peck on your cheek for the photo op. He was going to save this one in particular.

You yelped but quickly settled back into laughter as you played along with him and mirrored his pose. After he stopped snapping pics, you turned towards him and poked him in the side. 

"Cater!" You admonished him, crossing your arms and lips forming into a pout "You scared me!"

"Aww, but you look so cute when you're scared! How can I resist?" He replied, scrolling through the tens of pictures he took and sorting them into 'good', 'okay', and 'delete'. 

Cater's bright gaze flicked back up to you with a wink, reveling in the way your own eyes slightly widened at his action. 

You slapped him on the arm, pursing your lips and smoothing your hair back into place. 

Cater arched a brow, maybe you were trying to look good for something after all. 

“You’re looking extra done up today, finally decided to confess to me?” He teased, praying in his heart that the answer was ‘yes’. 

He knew you would never admit that though. You were far too shy to make the first move on him, and that was another reason he trusted you so much. Even if another pretty face caught your eye, you wouldn’t be the one coming onto them. He just needed to look out for anyone that got the silly idea in their brain that they were allowed to come on to you. 

"You're such a tease." You said, sticking out your tongue at him and crossing your arms. “Crowley is forcing me to tour some VIPs on the campus later today, and he told me that if I ‘stopped looking like Cinderella’s cleaning rag’ he would add a good chunk of Thaumarks to my food budget for the month.” You said with a sigh, voice leaking out the bitterness you felt at being forced to play a chipper student that wasn’t forced to comply by circumstance. 

While Cater had felt a wash of relief in his heart upon hearing the very practical reason you dressed up, he also had lost his brain in a dreamy fugue upon peeking at the soft muscle of your tongue. Thinking about all the things you could do with said tongue made him bite his lip. You really had no idea what you did to him, huh?

"Is that so?" He said with a smirk, taking the opportunity to poke you in the ribs in the same spot you had jabbed him. "Then how about we go somewhere this weekend? Just you and me? It sounds like you need a break." 

"Oh, like a date?" You teased, slowly evolving your pokes into an all-out poking war as you and Cater giggled trying to dodge the movements of the other. “Are you confessing to me?” You threw back coyly, imitating the same intonation he had used just a moment earlier.

"If you want it to be a date, I guess I could consider telling you about my undying love." Cater said, not joking in the slightest.

You seemed to still for a moment in thought. After a split second of staring a bit too deeply into Cater’s glimmering green eyes, as if searching for something, you forced yourself to stare at a far away cobblestone instead as you answered with a wavering voice.

"Might as well?" You hadn’t meant it as a question, but it came out as one.

Cater all out squealed as he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug. Just as quickly as he glommed himself onto you, he released you in a dizzyingly burst of conflicting energy, eyebrows furrowed at the face of his watch. He was suddenly reminded that he had a class to get to (sadly) and while he didn’t mind being late for class, he would feel bad if you got in trouble because he was distracting you. 

He had briefly reconsidered this thought process in the beginning as he wanted to offer to tutor you, but you were doing well in school on your own, and if you get detention all that did was take more time out of your day that he could be potentially spending with you. 

Even if it was just you, your little firstie-friends, and himself being quiet in the lounge, as long as you could be near him, it was worth it. Once again shaking that tangent from his mind, Cater grabbed your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before he began running down the hallway, yelling over his shoulder at you before he got too far.

"I'll text you the deets, 'kay? Come by my room later!" Cater hollers as he takes off at a full sprint for his next class.

You stood in the hallway feeling stunned. You could feel that your face was burning, your eyes felt defocused and glassy and you nervously wring your hands together, looking down at where Cater’s hand had touched yours just a second prior.

"...a real date?" You mumbled aloud, hugging your arms around yourself in flustered nervousness. He was just being friendly like he was with everyone... right?

Cater's heart was beating out of his chest. Not only was he able to touch you multiple times and in multiple places today, but you had also agreed to a date AND to visit his room. 

He had initially run off to go to class, but the incessant beating of his heart and burning of his body alerted him to another problem he had to address before anyone noticed.

Spotting the nearest lavatory, he stepped inside, intentionally slowing his gait and trying to catch his breath to be as inconspicuous as possible. Taking a beat, he saw no one and heard nothing. Perfect.

Slipping into an empty stall, he closed the latch as quickly as his shaking hands could allow. Biting his lip to the point it risked breaking skin, he unbuckled his belt and flipped his phone open. His gaze was met with the pictures he had just taken of the two of you in the hall. Your mouth was making a flattering little ‘O’ in surprise to the cheek kiss he had been able to plant on you. 

Your skin was so soft under his lips. You smelled like the earth after the rain and freshly bloomed lavender in the spring. 

Being so close to you was addicting. By the time you had escalated to playfully poking him, he had to consciously keep every muscle in his body coiled tight to keep from touching every inch of you he could.

He wondered how the rest of you would feel under his hands, what sounds you would make, and what words you would say. He imagined you saying his name, breathless between hurried kisses and shivering from need as he pulled every garment from your body.

Pulling himself out of his boxer briefs with a hiss, it was clear that he was painfully hard. Beginning to softly tease and stroke the skin of the head of his dick, Cater shivered slightly while imagining that it was you doing it. 

You would look shyly up your lashes as you repeatedly asked him ‘is that okay?’ or ‘does that feel good?' and he would nod in agreement while placing his hand over yours to make you go faster, grip tighter. 

Biting his lip as he scrolled through more photos he had taken of the two of you, he paused on one that had caught you with your shirt partially unbuttoned, clavicle exposed, looking so so perfect to sink his teeth into. 

He imagined gripping his hand around your neck to restrict your breathing as he dug bruises into your skin with his mouth, groaning at how good he was making you feel and how much you loved him. Loved him more than anyone. He felt the same, he loved you more than everyone, and everyone else needed to know that too before they got any funny ideas in their heads.

His hand had sped up to a messy beat. 

In a moment of desperation, he pulled the collar of his dress shirt into his mouth to stifle his moans. He felt the coil inside of him grow tighter and tighter, his legs shook, his arm cramped, and then relief came in a burst of bliss so strong that he was seeing stars behind his lids. 

It felt good, but he knew that it was nothing compared to you.

Wrinkling his nose as he wiped his release off of his hand, Cater threw the paper in the toilet and flushed. 

Slowly tucking his tender length back in his pants, he fixed his clothes and washed his hands, mentally making a list of what he needed to prepare for your visit tonight and your ‘date’ on the weekend.

He was going to do anything to have you. He was going to do everything it took to make those dreams a reality if it killed him.

This fic was inspired by the incredibly hot fanart below.

Please give @simpingseafood a like or a reblog (or a million compliments) if you are so inclined, they deserve it!

(Also I hope you don't mind me brain-rotting at length over your gorgeous concept!)

Thank you so much for reading! Love you, reader!

Requested tags: @readinganas, @yandere-kou, @buckketboy, @aikochan4859, @kumiko-desu @star-gods, @sarahyumiko2, @sappyisyourpappy, @rosalie-in-twisted-wonderland, @naniky, @kashasenpai, @the-mermaid-of-the-stars

And @ravenlutionary (because you seemed excited at the prospect haha)

[widowlurker]

rambling about catws!Bucky because time is a flat circle

Lowkey tough being a Bucky stan (hehe) out here bc atp the mcu just doesn’t know what to do with him and it’s absolutely tragic because catws is a great movie and a huge part of that is how beautifully they presented the Winter Soldier. Like he is undeniably (personally don’t @ me) the best part of that whole movie. Last time I went this insane over analyzing actors’ facial expressions was the hunger games and that’s basically the peak of fiction for me. So, here’s me doing exactly that

warning: no beta we die like my vocal chords watching catws for the first time

Something that sits at the forefront in my mind abt Seb’s acting as the Winter Soldier is how good he is at being blank. Normally when I think of blank, no thoughts head empty acting it’s just a completely unmoveable demeanor and from what I see in fics it’s a common interpretation that the Winter Soldier is just an empty husk. And while he’s definitely a lot less sentient than he seems to be in the comics I don’t think he’s as robotic as people like to write about (and how I like to read abt so dw this isn’t me trashing on that).

I read a post on here that was either a meta or rant that I def reblogged but don’t feel like looking for that was either or about or mentioned how the Winter Soldier is def a powerhouse but that’s just a building that was made from the frame of Bucky’s own combat skills from the war.

I think his sentience is somewhat similar to that in how he isn’t so much as an empty bodyguard and more like a tunnel-visioned fighter. His mind isn’t a blank slate in a body that’s blindly committing violence but a constantly calculating fighter (a trait I also think was just built off of Bucky’s own violent skills derived from the war) whose mind is occupied only by whatever violence he’s committing.

Seb’s facial expressions as the winter soldier present this well. Again, when you think of the empty husk the Winter Soldier is you’d expect little personality and emotion to be acted out as that character. The thing is, he’s not an empty husk. Seb does a good job at having existent and moving facial expressions without any real human emotion being shown by them. When the Winter Soldier furrows his brows as he fights or thoughtfully looks offscreen when he pulls off his goggles(?) in the lead up to the reveal he’s only expressing the slightest bit of acknowledgement to whatever is happening. Particularly, usually in fight scenes when people do the former it’s to make the character look mad or determined. When the Winter Soldier does it it’s just there. Sebastian manages to move his face in ways that should indicate fully-felt emotions but still only add up to a blank face.

Perhaps in that way the Winter Soldier is somewhat robotic not in the way of an emotionless android but rather an intelligent algorithm.

so, blah blah blah Sebastian is really good at acting blank. But what about when the Winter Soldier does show emotion. Disclaimer that in my rewatch I only saw the highway fight/reveal and the helicarrier, not when Fury and Steve get attacked in his apartment. With this, the first time I believe we see the Winter Soldier breaking out of the emotionless mask is the cute little bout of panic he has shortly after the mask/muzzle comes off, when his eyes get big and be looks off in a way unlike before where instead of it being the slightest indication of thought and strategy it’s a genuine feeling of panic and confusion. This is very much in contrast to moment before after he asks who the hell Bucky is and shoots at Steve. He says the words, but that’s it. His face doesn’t move to accommodate any sort of emotion any normal person would be feeling when they said that sentence. His mouth simply moves as he asks (though the blankness is still broken by then because I have doubts the 100% Winter Soldier would ever take the time or express the confusion that’d come with asking that question). Immediately after he clicks back into reality and the mission at hand when he shoots at Steve he doesn’t return to his before blankness. His eyebrows furrow and this time it’s not simply an unconscious physical result of being focused or whatever but he’s genuinely confused and desperately trying to follow what he’s being made to do. Up until that point, not once does the Winter Soldier bother to halt anything he’s doing in a fight if not necessary. This is the first time he personally hesitates.

And then the helicarrier scene. Oh lord almighty the blessed helicarrier scene. By here the Winter Soldier is back to Winter Soldier-ing, blank and emotionless no matter what movement his face makes. And he stays like that for the entire pre-fight pleading Steve’s doing in that bridge(?) thing. UNTIL Steve says “please don’t make me do this”

Now I noticed this in my rewatch yesterday and then while I was rewatching the scene on yt to write this I fought for my life trying to figure out which cut to Bucky in that convo in which he does it, so I damn-near thought i hallucinated it. But I swear to god his head tilts down and his eyebrows go up. It’s similar to the facial movements he does before when he’s full Winter Soldier where his face moves but it doesn’t indicate any actual emotion being felt. This time however it just somehow does. He’s pleading, for what I literally cannot think of but his face moves only slightly and it somehow spreads the full feeling throughout his entirety. In the next cut after that he doesn’t have that same emotion, but it was there.

From then on the curtain is ripped. Now Bucky fights and he scrunches up his face and all of the sort and he’s not only expressing emotion but he’s doing it so blatantly. So blatantly in fact that I can tell he seems to feel almost desperate.

Remember earlier when I mentioned that not once does the Winter Soldier bother to halt himself unless necessary to survey the situation or something the sort. Yeah, none of that is here. He’s unbelievably sloppy, not as fast and hit-for-hit with Steve as he was during the highway/reveal. And throughout the fight he only gets slower and slower, his face scrunches and moves more and more., and he wastes more and more time talking and trying to make Steve suffer and feel how he’s getting hit as if to prove to something or someone that he’s not succumbing to the memories bubbling up inside him and straying from his mission.

Until finally Steve says “I’m with you til the end of the line” and fandom was never the same

and neither was Bucky, because despite the fact that his luscious locks are blowing all over the damn place, all over his face, we see down to the atom what he’s feeling. It’s the Winter Soldier’s end of the line, and now Bucky is here to get fucked over by the mcu’s writing.

Again, catws is my favorite mcu movie in terms of acting and writing and the reason why is because they did so well at writing such a horribly tragic victim. I stay saying that Seb is one of the best actors in the mcu and the reason why is because of how agonizing his performance of the winter soldier’s mental turmoil is. So why on God’s green Earth is the mcu so intent on making some bullshit atonement plotline (or a poor attempt at showcasing Bucky’s internal guilt that comes off as an atonement plotline, depends on who you ask) and throwing him in with anti-heroes/villains when it really doesn’t fit what his arc should be AT ALL???

anyway god bless Sebastian for being damn-good at acting out agony

[lunariamv]

Love Letter is finished and playable!!! yay!!! :DDDD

♡ Play Love Letter here! ♡

Continue reading for blog ^^

"THE HOME INVADER? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN????"

It took me a bit longer than I thought because I was struggling with bugs (like being able to progress when you shouldn't, etc) and recording (im lowkey a perfectionist when it comes to doing things in order sometimes).

But now it's out! This was actually my first game, originally made in VX Ace (in 2021) before I learned to use RPG2000 and remade it. (the original is ugly af)

The plot is kinda similar to Mikoto Nikki, but this goes a little more into the psychological and snooping aspect; you're going through the man's trash and stuff-

also took a bit of insp from the random yan game 'don't notice me' that kubz scouts played a while ago (omg the memories); say what you want about that game, but i kinda liked it XD

I named the game based on the plot, but lowkey also in condolences to the failed yandere sim game (rip love letter mtf); since we didn't get that game I made this instead (even tho they aren't even remotely similar XD)

mia's og design was similar to bow-chan's lmao but honestly i like the coquette pinkish design more, its more fitting!

so yeah; i finally finished and now i can continue on!!

there's definitely at least three more charon-esque games i would like to make (i have like a whole list that i might post but certainly i want to have a 'dark side' game, another love triangle one, and then a three person one like mix ore)

yandere thai tea eheheh

also i have the violent urge to make a normal rpg game kinda like OFF or The Gray Garden, we shall see though, because I wanted to go in order of game types instead of jumping around;; BUT I HAVE SUCH GOOD IDEAS FOR OTHER THINGS HNNNNNGGGG

GAME SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!

the true end only happens because mia is a simp

if it was anyone else; mikio would've gone to jail frfr

i wanted mikio to be decently nuanced; so its really up to the viewer to forgive him or not, just like souta and raden; even tho mia is simping here xD

SPOILER END!!!!!

also, abt the manly easter eggs; i am not glazing :( hot take perhaps but i dont actually like him anymore (still like his old vids tho), i just kept easter eggs in bc my 2021 self worked really hard on it, and it would be very mean of me to take that away from her....

she was a pure, hopeful girl with dreams before she became a hyper edgy nihilist LOL

but i digress, to those who find my stuff, thank you for indulging my bizarre hobby

[aiura-stan]

Onto the first volume proper: volume 0, of course!!

First of all, Aso sensei’s note is so cute. I love how he says he’s been expressionless the entire time, but he really is happy. Relatable.

Aaaaaand the cover image of Saiki sure is interesting. what’s with the pipe?? I seem to remember it being a reference to another work of his somehow.

Also, volume zero announcement Saiki is very cute. His expression reminds me of a cat.

Even from the first oneshot to volume zero, you can see how much Aso sensei’s artistic abilities have improved.

That said, baby Saiki still looks very strange… I can’t overemphasize how much he improved as an artist over the course of Saiki k in drawing human characters looking natural, in pose and their clothing, expressions, etc.

I like that volume 0 Saiki’s father actually kind of looks like him. Ah… well maybe it would all be a little too real if Saiki’s family resembled him a little more. It would certainly be less whimsical. Imagine Kuniharu having black hair. Imagine Kuusuke *not* being a blonde. That would be more uncomfortable somehow. I’m glad Asou sensei made up the thing about anime hair being a result of Saiki’s powers.

More examples of why Kusuo thinks people are terribly insincere… using the most extreme of unsavory unstated thoughts.

And here we get a slightly more liberal estimate of how much time it would take for a normal person to go insane… three days instead of three hours. I think Asou sensei likes the number three, since later on he mentions that it would take Saiki three days to destroy the world if he really wanted to.

Here we have the first frontal closeup of the Saiki Scowl, after he explains the hassle of telepathy. Really, I think it’s the most taxing power on him, mentally, for obvious reasons. It really is cool that Asou sensei was able to make a “surly” character like Saiki into such an interesting protagonist. (Mostly because he’s well written.) He’s definitely not a typical manga protagonist, but he functions very nicely in his (comedic) straight man role.

Also can I just say this is one of my favorite panels of Saiki in the entire manga, and it’s not even part of the series proper… Yes, why did he, Saiki? I also want to know… I can see why this was left out of volume one. It’s not funny exactly (maybe in a kind of dark way) but god. Baby Saiki saying this tugs at my heart strings.

Head always full of thoughts of the intelligence agency organization that kidnapped him at age four… that he erased, along with the unnamed nation…

good grief.

Kuusuke would have been six at this time; maybe old enough to help with the coverup so something like that didn’t become world news. Or maybe young Saiki just decided to use mind control, since he didn’t have any compunctions about that at the time.

I dislike a Nendou with readable thoughts, or a Nendou called a “violent, foul mouthed delinquent” instead of an idiot.

That said, I really like this Saiki side eye… it’s a thoroughly Saiki expression.

LOL. Nendou would be me in the situation though. If so many people accuse you of something that you didn’t do, it’s hard not to doubt yourself a little, right?

Yeah, we get a pretty good picture of Saiki’s pretty rational moral compass. Someone like Nendou definitely deserves it, but even so, he shouldn’t be punished for a crime he didn’t commit in Saiki’s eyes. Especially when the heinous perpetrator is right there all along.

Also, Takahashi’s (saiki-caused hallucination) angel counterpart looks just like him, but female. Interesting.

That Saiki can manipulate someone like this by altering their moral compass sure is something. Makes me think of this post.

Lastly and certainly not least, Saiki isn’t escaping the gay allegations even in volume zero… lol. That’s a priceless facial expression. “This power is useless except for getting idiots to like you” smh, so unappreciative of the new friend, Saiki. XD

That will do it for vol. 0-1!

I’ll be back tomorrow for 0-2.

[yaoxsblog]

Nothing is canon in hetalia so I’m making my own list of headcanons regarding worldbuilding and al that whimsical stuff

I should probably mention this is inspired by THE worldbuilding hc post, I reblog it all the time but just in case you haven’t read it (how could you), you can do that here

Oh also umm all of these are both serious and not. Take them all with a grain of salt as they say. Im just having fun

I think thats it… lets go

Their body temperature depends on their climate. Sort of. Technically they all have a normal body temp, but you know how some people are always cold? In that way.

I think it’s canon actually that climates influence the general character of a personifications… although romano exists… so maybe not…. Not sure about that one.

They don’t get sick, in fact I hc they CANT get sick with normal human diseases. Their well being depends on the state of their people/the country. They get „sick” from wars, rebellions, econimic issues etc.

They can’t reproduce. Except for the times they can. Because egypt.

They exist as long as people feel connected to the idea of a „nation” or otherwise feel connected to that identity. Even if they „die”, as long as there are people who consider themselves a certain nationality, they can come back to life.

I’m partial to the idea of some of them appearing just because they were created artificially… like brčko. I will never actually talk more about her all you get is cryptic little puzzle pieces of info about her. Anyways she magically appeared when some documents were signed because funny

I’m unsure what happens when a nation is wiped out. Like when every person who was once a part of that nation either dies or stops identifying with it… maybe they get sick and die but maybe instead they turn into a human and slowly age, then die as the last person of that nationality….

They need to eat sleep etc but can go without doing any of that for longer periods of time than normal humans

They have hobbies and interests and can love humans but have no ambition or desire to live. Not even an animal like urge to live to pass something on. Because they really can’t. They exist to live and to vibe only. And despite no aspiration to live they will beg for mercy if you put a knife to their throat…. Hah… thats so weird

Immensly calming aura to normal people. Probably works better on people of their own nationality, they bring a sort of inspirational energy to the room. I feel as thought they inspired poets and artists, and all those works dedicated to the idea of a nation were actually about a being…

Despite being able to die (technically, even if not permanently) it takes them hundreds of years to understand the concept of death.

Same with aging, it makes no sense how a human deteriorates in, say, 60 years. How little that is, compared to their own age.

Wait, I have a comic I like that describes this well - here

Theyre not inherently violent. At least not most of them. Their wants don’t always align with what the people want but what can they do other than oblige. Yea

Not that important but they can totally have altered states. Half of them are high 24/7

Mentioned it before but they get, or at least most of them used to - get attached to their leaders. It wears off the older they get because they simply get used to the fact they change so often, at least from their perspective

Most of them are pretty open with the fact theyre not humans. If you ask them i image most would just go haha yea thats me I’m 6969 years old lol

I’m very much aware that the rule which i think is canon based on one ep…. That pgysica age related to land mass, is stupid bullshit and generally doesn’t apply in half the cases. And therefore I’ll say to me, I just accept whatever canon physical age you want to give to a character. Whatever reason you want for it is acceptable too.

Thats it for now :PP

[donnerpartyofone]

I have posted about this multiple times before but since tumblr's search won't cough any of it up, I'm just going to say it again so I can add my new thing to my thought process about trigger warnings:

Years ago a popular true crime blogger posted an ask from someone requesting that she tag for needles. I think she had posted that notorious x-ray of masochistic serial murderer Albert Fish's colon, which is admittedly disturbing, but she very politely declined on the basis that everything she posts tends to be violent and disturbing--you actually SHOULD find her blog upsetting--and users should manage their expectations around that general premise. Additionally, needles do not carry the specific traumatic weight of something like, say, racial violence or child abuse, for which a warning could be in order; needles are everyday objects that one might reasonably encounter in a store or a person's home, or practically anywhere. If you have such an aversion that it really affects your life to see a needle, you might want to pursue treatment and stop using a part of the internet that is essentially a giant random image generator.

My personal take on content/trigger warnings (are those different? If not then why do we have varying tags instead of one universal one to keep the system reliable?) is similar, that they're only important for material that could seriously upend someone's day. Is Thing X something you truly could not have expected where you encountered it? Would you need to leave work or school if you saw Thing X? Would you need to seek assistance or take a medication? Does Thing X cause significant social problems or affect your sense of safety? If not, you don't need a warning. I mean everyone can tag whatever they choose and of course some folks are happy to tag stuff just because someone might find it annoying or unpleasant, but you're not entitled to protection from strangers just to spare you casual discomfort.

One day I got this extremely angry anonymous message in all caps yelling at me for not tagging spiders. I had no idea what the person was talking about, but after a while I realized it had to be about a popular post I'd made years ago showing tarantulas in a Kids In the Hall sketch. This was especially funny to me because at the time I was posting a lot of explicit violence and sexual imagery that someone could reasonably object to, but this person felt that it was my job to help create the illusion of a spiderless world for their benefit. I know arachnaphobia is a real thing but I still think that if you suffer from it then it's your job to look after yourself and not everybody else's job to protect you from remembering that there are spiders.

This is kind of a tangent but I often think about how trypophobia is not technically a phobia because it isn't affecting anybody's ability to lead a normal daily existence. It's just a grossout thing, basically a matter of taste, but people love to try to elevate it to the level of a serious psychological vulnerability for some reason.

I'm thinking about this stuff (again) today because I just saw a post on one of the autism subreddits where someone linked to a scientific paper to answer a specific question, but they said it needed warnings for incidental use of the term "high-functioning" and advised that some people may not wish to read the paper at all so they wouldn't be triggered by it. That term is sometimes used to invalidate or deny care to people who give the outward appearance of less urgent needs, so it is indeed pretty tricky and needs work. But change is only going to come from attention; if you are concerned about the effects of that language then I think it behooves you to know how it is being used so you are able to argue about it and lobby for change. It's hard for me (a "high-functioning" person) to imagine a scenario in which I'm interested in reading about a condition I have, and then I refuse to do so because the phrase "high-functioning" is going to trigger a psychiatric episode so bad that it's better for me to just ignore information about my own health. I think an adult who is usually inclined to educate themselves should be able to handle occasionally seeing troublesome or outdated language.

Put more concisely than above, my criteria for warnings is just: when the questionable item relates to a real, reasonably common traumatic experience that would be unfair to spring on someone who could relate to it, and/or when the content would be legitimately surprising in its context. Like if you're in my corner of tumblr you should expect that you're going to see horror movie stuff, I'm not tagging anything like that unless it's miles over the line I typically draw. But on the other hand I was out at a restaurant one night and this spoiled egomaniac was practically shouting for a long time in graphic detail about episiotomies within earshot of everyone who was trying to eat. Honestly one of the staff should have told her to shut the fuck up. That's not a thing that people should be normally expected to put up with in a public dining situation, even though it regards a medical procedure that is not morally offensive.

It's probably obvious by now that I think that being uncomfortable and even offended, at least to some degree, has an important psychological and social function. It enables you to recognize and react to problems around you. Understanding what makes you uncomfortable is critical; dealing with discomfort builds character; and continuously avoiding everything you don't like keeps you infantile. It's actually not good to live in a world of only your favorite things.

[opinated-user]

big rant incoming, but i got pulled into this rabbit hole out of nowhere when youtube suddenly started recommending me videos about all the crap surrounding lily. i haven't followed her for a couple years now, but i did for quite a few at one point, and it's been... definitely a trip to see everything. a lot of processing happening, and i wanted to put my experience somewhere, in case anyone else can relate, and hopefully find comfort in solidarity.

i don't remember exactly when i found lily, but i was in my late teens-early 20s when i did. at the time i found her content, i was very freshly grappling with the realization that i'd been abused numerous times throughout my childhood by various people. and, as a result, i had a lot of anger, resentment, and other super complicated emotions and reactions to deal with.

at first, finding lily's content at that pivotal time, was really comforting and vindicating. because she was affirming all the negative stuff i was feeling was okay to feel... normal even. and feeling that way in response to abuse didn't make me a bad person. it just... made me a person who was reacting to abuse.

there were also a lot of opinions i agreed with her on. one of which being that the normalization of the q word, as a person who grew up in the southern us and has had it violently used against me numerous times, makes me super uncomfortable. so, her video about it was... again, validating. gratifying. vindicating. etc. (though i would like to clarify that i have zero issue with people who use it for themselves. they have every right to. i just can't handle having it used on me, directly or indirectly with group usage)

i commented on the video to express that. i don't even remember what i said exactly. i know i mentioned my identities within the lgbt community, and that her video made me feel valid for being so viscerally uncomfy with people calling me the q word, instead of the words i openly identity with. and she... deleted the comment. twice.

still no idea why to this day. as far as i remember, i completely agreed with her, and validated her points. but, still, twice. my comment got deleted. and i know it was deleted specifically because it was posted when i sent it, and then i went to check if she'd ever replied to it or seen it, and couldn't find it again.

it really fucking hurt, honestly. and, like i said, still to this day i can't think of even a convoluted reason why she'd delete my comment fully supporting her. i thought it was a mistake at first, but the second time it happened, it was clear she was deleting it herself. and, after that, i realized i felt the exact same invalidation and rejection i did from my abusers. i felt that exact same sinking "oh god, what did i do?!" panic i did from my abusers. i felt the exact same spiraling confusion because my logic brain knew i didn't actually do anything wrong at all. all of that shit.

and then, i realized that honestly, her content itself sorta made me feel that way, too. there were numerous times when i was still an avid watcher of her content that i had to stop watching because it started to get triggering. it made me feel like i was being yelled at. and it was especially triggering when that happened during a section i disagreed with. or when i felt like whatever she was talking about wasn't the huge deal she was making it out to be.

it's kinda wild i got put down this rabbit hole now, honestly. i've been dealing with people exactly fucking like her in my personal life all year. nasty, selfish cowards with superiority complexes the size of jupiter, and victim complexes the size of the whole damn universe.

something always felt off to me about somehow SO many people from her past had the same experiences with her that painted her in a negative light. and, her only response to it was twisting the narrative to be like 'no, actually, THEY suck'. and just refusing to ever take accountability for even something as minor as not crediting artists she steals from for images in her videos, up to full on abuse and grooming allegations. when i was too young to understand the red flags those were, i brushed it off. but, now, after dealing with so many people like her... i feel bad i ever believed that crap for a second.

she reminds me of the people i've dealt with recently, too. they all pulled that same shit on me. they beat me to a bloody pulp during the worst, darkest year of my life, and then had the gall to accuse me of being the one with a victim complex, who makes everything about me, and demands everyone grovel at my feet when all i ever expected from them was bare minimum decency and compassion during a very traumatizing, and dark time in my life.

it's truly sickening to see someone like that with such a significant audience. especially when she has done so many horrible, horrible things. and, has the gall to be someone with a victim complex that turns her audience on anyone who dares to call her out. even with evidence. she always has an excuse to dodge blame, but never any reason to take accountability.

i never actively engaged with her directly outside of that comment, so i obviously am not a direct victim of her, but even as a very surface level consumer of her content on youtube and on here, she definitely contributed to completely fucking with my head for a number of years.

i apologize to all of her victims for ever believing her crap at face value. and, i hope you are all doing well. those of you that run these blogs as well, please take good care of yourselves. i know firsthand how exhausting it is to have to be a log keeper for your abuser's misdeeds, but you are truly doing a huge service to people by making who she truly is known. you've helped make all this processing a lot easier for me, and i'm sure have prevented numerous others from becoming her victims, or being further victimized by her. thank you for that.

i wish i could say i hope she learns from her mistakes and gets a grip, but if my run-ins with people like her are any indication... even if she had the rudest awakening with every single ounce of karma she's stacked up for herself, if she hasn't learned by now... it's cause she's aware and doesn't care, or straight up is so far up her own ass she'll never see it.

i at least hope the rise of people critical of her on here and youtube helps the narrative shift. especially with the addition of courtney's testimonies against her. y'all deserve that narrative shifted peace of mind.

.

[ro-botany]

Today I was reminded that in Awakening, Validar gets revived by Grima in the game timeline. So like, does Validar get revived with a normal healthy body or is it some weird partial-risen stage? Does that mean that Grima can wholesale revive people and chooses zombies instead? It's just such a weird little detail that probably exists just for plot purposes, but it makes me wonder. Can't quite pin down what it is I feel for it to be true, but it has spawned Thoughts. Do you have any opinions?

Oooo, a very good question! I touched on Validar's condition very very briefly in a previous post about RKC and some possible reasons he exists, but to go into more detail... Largely behind a read more because Post Got Big(tm)...

Validar is a weird one. Within Awakening, he's the person who comes closest to getting a true and complete resurrection. And overall he's much more human-like in form and function than anyone else we've ever seen subjected to resurrection at Grima's hands.

But we know for a fact he isn't a Risen. He doesn't get the vocal distortion, speech difficulty, compulsion for violence, glowing eyes and general corpse-like appearance, or most other characteristics associated with Risen, which imo outright excludes him from the category.

BUT, critically, Grima is nowhere near full power at the moment they revive Validar. They're freshly weakened from time travel at that point! And given the apparent difficulty of any form of necromancy in FE, I'm hesitant to claim Grima could bring him back as fully human in their weakened state. It IS curious that they were able to get him that close, though.

There could be several reasons Validar's condition is even possible. It might have something to do with the blood pact; maybe it's just easier for Grima to resurrect people that have extremely close metaphysical connections to them. Or it might be that necromancy is something Grima is naturally talented at and they do objectively complex feats with it even when very weakened.

In either case, Grima—especially when at full strength—is capable of multiple tiers of resurrection, and very possibly even true revival into a fully human state. Risen appear to be on the easier end of the necromancy spectrum (Forneus managed to manually create some by himself, for one thing; and iirc one of Henry's supports has him conjure some Risen-like creatures accidentally?), and near-human deals like Validar are on the more challenging end. RKC is somewhere in between the two states.

The fact that Grima usually creates Risen instead of people when they're doing necromancy is, in my opinion, a conscious tactical decision. A monster that doesn't think for itself, and attacks people swiftly and indiscriminately, is a perfect tool if your aim is to spread chaos and destruction. Bringing back thinking people to be your soldiers may mean they can make more tactical decisions on their own, but it also comes with an amount of free will that may mean they fuck with your plans, especially if they weren't loyal to you to begin with. And besides, Grima already has the Grimleal to act as their commanders in the small scale. So it ultimately just isn't worth the extra effort to make their resurrected soldiers much more than violent automatons.

(Unless the soldier they're reviving is Chrom, of course. For him they will put in effort to preserve the soul. But notice how they don't make him anywhere close to human; which was absolutely on purpose, because we know based on Validar that they could've. I have FEELINGS about this.)

The decision to bring Validar back as close to human as he ended up being was also very tactical on their part. I can't imagine Grima likes the guy very much beyond liking how useful he makes himself. And they know exactly how critical his continued existence is to ensuring that the main timeline's Robin fulfills their destiny of becoming the fell dragon. They can't afford to let Validar die, nor can they get much use out of a garden variety Risen that looks like him, so as close to true resurrection as they can manage while running on fumes is what he gets.

---

As an aside, this aspect of Grima's powers always kinda makes me wonder about the time before they decided to raze the continent. When they were just around and being considered a god by the people of Plegia. Did they not do any necromancy in those days? Or were there circumstances that they DID use that power? Bring some human(s) back to life, either for some logical reason, or perhaps even as a favour granted to someone?

If they did I imagine that would've gotten them in shit with Naga, given the theories that powerful divine dragons are all capable of some form of necromancy but don't do it because it's deeply taboo...

But that's speculation outside of the scope of this post.

[wo-onu]

╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ [character profile] [part one]

* ・✦⇢ contents :: [part one] [part two]

* ・✦⇢ warnings/cw :: yandere themes, constant watching, obsessive behaviour, violent thoughts (not towards the reader or oc), sexism (not explicit but implied), profanities, threatening thoughts (not towards darling)

* ・✦⇢ additional notes :: can be read as gn. also, no particular traits mentioned except dimples on darling, as well as being younger than oc. word “tiny” is used, but it just meant that you are shorter than haejoon. also, mentioned attending taekwondo training. again, no particulars but it is written with feminine chubby + plus sized reader in mind though not explicitly specified in the post.

:: [important tls ! sunbae = senior | hoobae = junior | maknae = youngest | ya - an informal way of saying hey | noona - older sister used by guys as opposed to ‘unnie’ used by girls! | aigoo = my goodness]

:: here is part two ! hope you enjoy <3 feedbacks/likes/reblogs & requests are welcome, i’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts. (also this is unedited, if everyone wants the scenario wherein haejoon and his darling talked that i mentioned in the last hc, feel free to req or something! this was already too long so i kinda cut the aftermath of it.)

PLEASE DON��T EVER BECOME A STRANGER WHOSE LAUGH I COULD RECOGNISE EVERYWHERE !

╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ cont. of [part one] !

・✦⇢ all this time, his darling thought that haejoon likes his darling’s friend instead of darling. this was because back then, haejoon, for some reason, couldn’t look you at all therefore his eyes would always settle to someone else and since your friend will almost always be next to you, he would sometimes face her while taking a peek at your direction. everyone else noticed this, except his darling. your friend thinks he’s pathetic, and haejoon thinks your friend is not even a person, just a blob next to you.

・✦⇢ once heard you say, “dating? at this age? let’s just study,” so he never approached you romantically. at that time, he couldn’t have approached you regardless because your age difference was yet to be appropriate. although the biggest reason why he didn’t pursue you back then was because he was determined to build his own empire with his own hands after hearing you say, “is that so... is it that impressive? i think flaunting something you haven’t even tried earning yourself... is not impressive at all.” while everyone around you gushed about different prestigious background, you were unfazed, just like you always are with most things around you.

・✦⇢ it was a little after summer break of your freshman year and his last year that he heard from you that you got a partner; at that stage, both you and him were close enough for him to approach you, and while he normally wouldn’t be able to even look at you properly, he did. to get straight answers. you’ve shyly told him how that person confessed to you first so you wanted to see how it goes. before hearing this, he was ready to ruin that person’s entire life, but seeing as you are genuinely happy, he decided to wait it out. he thinks the person you’re with is not all that and in his mind, the relationship will be a total failure. so he decided to sit back and watch all of it unfold. though, if that asshole did anything to you, it’s over.

・✦⇢ the thing is, during the relationship, haejoon was so obviously listless and not even making an effort to conceal it, unlike his usual perfect facade. he knew that you had started dating purely out of curiosity, but he just couldn’t help such a deep, welling hatred taking place in his heart towards your partner. really, when he first heard about it, he was ready to threaten them on the spot. that is, until he saw your shy, blushing face. your emotions were just as important as his after all, so if you’re happy, then he wouldn’t do anything.

・✦⇢ in the course of your relationship with your partner, he caught a few stories about how he’s actually treating you like shit, however, he knows you were the type of person to not settle for that, despite your shy and timid nature, you’re also someone who will speak up for yourself because of your honest personality. so he deemed those rumours as just that. but, one day, during a taekwondo training you both had; you were with him when he witnessed an argument that your partner started, and he saw with his own eyes how disrespectful that little bastard was actually being to you.

“you’re talking ba—“

“you shut up. they’re talking,” haejoon wanted to plummet this nobody’s face and wipe the floor with it but seeing as you’re also trying to handle the situation by yourself and doing a good job at it, he decided to just support you as he deems necessary. as status seem to be this useless bastard’s valued trait, he knew that he will listen to him. with a tight grip on your partner shoulder, haejoon couldn’t contain the murderous intent surrounding him. to you, he looked like a proper delinquent.

the partner immediately shut his mouth, just as haejoon expected. with that given chance, you really did give him a piece of mind. and you did it with such grace and calmness that haejoon admired. that much levelheadedness was something he found so attractive, though he can say everything about you was attractive. he thinks it’s a waste you’re still going out with such a sorry excuse of a human.

after the waste of space left, he turned to you while tugging at your sleeves a little, “why are you letting someone so... anyways, why are you letting that person get away with that? shouldn’t you break up with someone like that?”

“not yet.”

“not yet?”

“yes, not yet. so sunbae, don’t do anything to hurt him until then, hm?” you said resolutely. normally, at this rate, haejoon would have definitely jabbed at the person. but not when you asked like that, he can never do anything against you when you ask him of anything.

“i haven’t done anything,” until today, that is.

but... what do you mean by not yet?

he could feel your rage and just how sick you were of your partner during the entire argument. remembering all these made his own rage erupt. you were not the type to be patient with things you deem as troublesome, yet you seem to be trying real hard to quell your anger just now.

haejoon had always been more sensitive about your own emotions. after all, you were the type to wear such a blank face and always had the same level of voice. the only reason why he didn’t immediately snap and had taken that nobody’s life was because he wanted to respect your feelings and tried to also calm his emotions.

・✦⇢ a couple weeks after that incident, you were walking to the training grounds and he followed, unbeknownst to you as you were in your own world and he kept his distance, waiting for the right chance to greet you. but as you got nearer to the grounds entrance, you heard your partner’s boastful voice

“i’m telling you! [name] is not that much! it’s so funny how they let me get away with a lot of stuff! i don’t think her skills is good enough either, she should just quit training. she’s lucky i am going out with someone as pitiful as her. i won the bet fair and square, right? they’re basically a dog that listens well to everything i say. but she still won’t quit taekwondo, tsk tsk. it’s so unbecoming of someone like that to practice this sport—“ sound were cut off as you felt your vision and ears get blocked by what you’re assuming is the source of warmth and hardness behind you.

you thought it was one of the friends you made at the club’s, however, you don’t believe they are quite this tall, “don’t look at something like that. don’t listen to a bunch of shit pouring out of someone who’s not even worthy of your shadow.”

as i thought, that son of a bitch really does not deserve to even breathe the same air as you, as haejoon thought this, he continued, “i like how seriously you take tasks that are assigned to you and how you always have a little frown every time you concentrate. i like your high ponytail whenever we practice because then, i could properly see all of your face without your hair in the way. i like your concentrating, sweaty, flushed form during one of our intense practices too. i like how well you eat all the time and is always craving for sweets no matter what. your eyes are so beautiful and mysterious they look like they hold the secrets of the world that i can’t even look at them properly.”

instead of your partner’s annoying high pitched voice, all you hear is a low, serious voice singing praises on your ears.

honestly, you thought it was your sunbae but after hearing all that, maybe you were wrong. was it really your friends pretending to be him since you’ve grown closer? reaching to your eyes to see what’s blocking it, you felt a boy’s uniform necktie. then you could see haejoon still blocking your ears.

“... you are sunbae, right?”

“no.”

“right... that’s what i thought.” why say all that if you’re going to be embarrassed, you thought in silence. haejoon couldn’t even look at you at all. so you decided to feign ignorance and pretend you don’t know who it was.

haejoon’s murderous rage can be felt tenfold, you could tell he was trying hard to suppress it and you could tell that he was trying even harder to not let it be directed towards you. his aura has always been intense, but once his rage pours out, that energy becomes suffocating.

“should i make him your lapdog?” if you’re completely honest, that sounds amazing. you can imagine that pathetic loser running around campus on all fours like a dog, barking away while naked. but you didn’t wanna traumatise other students who will see such a sight. so you decided to just settle it on your own way.

“no. sunbae, i just have a request.” they said softly, haejoon responded with actions rather than words, he bent down and put his ears near their mouth to hear what they have to say.

“okay, tell me anything”

“be the official witness for this duel, okay?”

it was the trend these days to ask for official duels. whether to shut people who have lower skills, more practice, or just for the thrill.

haejoon quietly told you that if you beat that piece of shit so much you accidentally killed, he’d just have it revived so you could beat it up as much as you wanted. haejoon was so enraged he doesn’t even refer to your soon to be ex-partner as a person, but a thing.

you awkwardly thanked haejoon with his cheering and approached your ex with company.

your soon to be ex partner was so engrossed with storytelling that he didn’t even hear or notice you approach.

“....... they were crying and begging so much, saying that they’re wrong and it’s all their fault so i pitied them and didn’t break it off. but i’m getting sick of them. i’d use them for a bit more then break up with them”

“ya.”

“hmm?”

“[partner’s name], i officially challenge you to a duel.”

your partner turned around, shock evidently written on his face. trying to refuse, he looked for reason, however, haejoon immediately intercepted with a slight taunt, “what? why are you hesitating? didn’t you say their skills wasn’t up to par and they should just quit? prove it then. show everyone just how good you are.”

that’s right, you thought. get absolutely owned by someone you looked down on.

the end of your high ponytail slightly fluttered against the wind as you wait for your partner to take position, eyes shining with deep yet calm emotions. you, who don’t necessarily always show an emotion on your face, smirked at your opponent.

your opponent, on the other hand, was flabbergasted. not only did you hear him twist things around and make up stories about you. but you also even requested an official duel, something he can’t back out from. he was embarrassed to be caught spreading bad rumours about you.

to be honest, your opponent has heard again and again about how talented you are but could never admit it due to jealousy. so now that your opponent’s basically been cornered and forced to face you head on, he was scared— mostly because he might lose and his pride would take a deep dive into nothingness. and that his friends will bear witness to that shame.

however, your opponent’s worries would be proven to be true otherwise. as the duel progress, your opponent couldn’t think straight as he was continuously kicked without being given any opportunities to attack. it was all completely one-sided. he was utterly humiliated and ashamed but couldn’t retaliate because the places where he was hit, hurt so damn much. and when his gaze landed to his friends, they all looked disappointed, turning his shame intro anger.

but that too, didn’t help, instead of his fury being a good boost to his attack, he became even more sluggish and predictable, therefore nullifying his attacks despite their heavier feel was an easy feat for you to do. your opponent just stared foolishly as you blocked all of his attacks effortlessly and didn’t miss even a single moment as you strike back. he was definitely sure of his defeat, however, what scared him now is what is even scarier to him.

as if mocking him, you taunted him without losing a breath as you continuously attacked, “why do you look so scared? you’re not scared, right? you’re not scared that such a gloomy, mean-looking, short and unskilled person is duelling you, are you?”

at your taunt, he became even more enraged and yelled, charging at you carelessly. but once again, his attack was only so easily blocked by you. you only stared at your opponent as if he was a piece of shit on your shoe.

haejoon could only grin slightly. he thought he was in deep, deep trouble— the more he saw you every time, the more he falls. in truth, if you were only kind of pretty, he would’ve already whisked you away and just married you already. however, he couldn’t just approach you that easily when the hurdle is too high. it was so hard and intimidating to even approach someone who is just so loveable and cool. he could only wrap his uniform around his face to try and calm his overflowing emotions.

people who always cling to you soon arrived and asked haejoon what the commotion was about, however he only responded with a “as you can see.”

as your friends try to grasp the situation, they all cheered for you as loudly as they all can. particularly, the other guys who noticed the situation, had their eyes gone cold. precisely, their eyes towards your opponent.

a particularly clingy guy friend you had then said, “i can guess what happened here but...” he scoffed, “i guess this bastard really isn’t worried for his future.”

“you’re right~ after treating my noona to a meal later, i’d crush that bastard’s ugly mug.”

haejoon watched all this without missing a thing and witnessed as your opponent’s pride was slowly crumbling as the duel progressed. it got even worse as people who always cling to you got there and saw the duel, without knowing the reason, began cheering for you. it was wholly unnoticed by you, only perking up once when a guy your grade shouted he will treat you steak once you finish it quickly.

the duel ended with your opponent’s completed defeat. with that, he ungraciously fell on his bottom, looking up at you in rage and shame.

you sighed, as if bored with it all, “you really felt all that inferior against me, didn’t you?” the training ground was dead silent as you spoke, so even with such a quiet voice, it managed to rang in everyone’s ears. the resolute way you speak was admirable and being admired by everyone present.

“if you were too incompetent to pass and had to get into this school and even get a place to a club for advanced level, you should’ve reflected in yourself and worked harder in order to improve your shoddy skills. what are you doing? if you’re so embarrassed, just quit altogether. however, you were even too embarrassed by your own skills that you tried to leech off of me. but even that failed, huh? grow up, will you? at this rate, everyone will smell the baby formula around you.” you said all this objectively, yet everyone could hear the subtle taunt to your voice. your opponent can only stare at you, wide-eyed and gaping, unable to deny your claims.

“if you were so desperate that you even had to leech off of someone like me who is apparently below your level, then you should’ve been prepared to put your head on the ground, ready to lick my feet to beg. maybe i would’ve tossed you a morsel or something then.”

“well, i guess i should thank you for being so generous and going out with someone so unworthy like me,” with a flushed face because of your recent work out, head tilted as your hair fell gently away from your shoulders, you gently smiled with your eyes, dimples showing. your opponent unknowingly took a deep breath, “and well, seeing you again will probably make me sick so... it’s over.”

with that, your gentle smile was wiped from your face and your expressions once again, stiffened. your opponent, however, could not take his eyes off your confident gaze and sturdy form.

you did not care, you remember hearing someone yelling at you they’d treat you to the cafeteria’s steak once you finish the duel. you can’t have the steak getting cold. your eyes quickly scanned the area and found your friends huddled together with what seems to be a dangerous aura between them. you hesitated for a second before coming to collect your promised steak instead.

“hi our lovely [nickname]! my coolest noona~~ here you take my card first, i just need to deal with something real quick. you buy anything you want with it, okay? i’ll see you later!” your same grade friend who’s a year older than you but calls you noona, jeongin, gave you his credit card to buy whatever you want. turns out, he was the one yelling that.

“you guys surprised me... why are you all huddled together like you’re scheming something?” lightly bouncing on your feet, you wanted to go quickly but the aura around your friends and some teammates as well as your sunbae is quite intriguing. narrowing your eyes to observe them, they all looked quite angry.

another guy friend of yours in the same grade was eungyeom who looked like a delinquent to begin with. now that he’s showing his anger on his face, he looked an actual second away from murder.

haejoon cut in, he brushed the hair that framed your face, “[nickname]-yah, you go first. you should eat well and take a long nice warm bath so you could have a peaceful sleep later.”

curious, you scanned all of them again and could feel their cold gazes towards your now ex partner and his group of friends. you wanted to inquire more but you’re worried that the line in the cafeteria would be too long and your steak will be gone, so with quick steps you bid everyone goodbye, saying good luck as you go; not knowing a thing.

once you left the training grounds, the air grew even heavier, filling it with immense pressure.

・✦⇢ the reason why he didn’t seek you out even during his college days, was because he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to succeed on his own and build his own name once he saw you again. ultimately, he was afraid that he was going to drop everything and just run away with you. so instead, he drowned himself in work, in hopes of distracting himself with how much he missed you and how much he longed to be with you again.

・✦⇢ after your little break up in high school, you and haejoon had a talk about relationships and whatnot; he found out the real reason you accepted your ex partner’s confession and the reason why you decided to wait until you break it off. in the end, haejoon felt a little light and relieved.