lifeisaboutperspective-blog

[vizabel]

the great art of family, lies, and debt

[amielbjacobs]

@yaoist

Yessss let me list my favorite Soviet history books

The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia, by Orlando Figes - I wound up doing a lot of deep dives into very specific subjects without ever reading a good general history book, so this was one of the more general histories I've read. As a writer, I love all of the specific detail. Figes himself is kind of a . . . character (read: writes his own Amazon reviews under a sockpuppet) and there's a few weird moments in the text that seem to reflect that, but it was really enlightening.

Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia, by Dan Healey - the definitive book on queer Soviet history. My favorite parts are the portraits of early trans people - although like many historians, Healey is (imo) way too eager to label historical people as cis when the evidence is at best mixed.

Red Closet: The hidden history of gay oppression in the USSR, by Rustam Alexander - A series of portraits of queer people in the USSR. As someone morbidly fascinated by the secret police, my favorite was the case of the KGB officer who was 1) gay and 2) weirdly obsessed with arresting gay people, to the point where it made all of his comrades very uncomfortable. It's a fascinating window into the institutional KGB approach to the "crime" of sodomy.

The Lost Spy: An American in Stalin's Secret Service, by Andrew Meier - I picked this one up at random at a library book sale and loved it. An investigation into an American agent of the NKVD who vanished into the USSR during the great purges and was never seen again. My favorite part is how the writer (a journalist) makes his own research part of the story, a kind of detective story.

Police Aesthetics: Literature, Film, and the Secret Police in Soviet Times, by Critina Vatulescu - this is another academic book so it might be really boring to anyone who isn't me, but I am fascinated by the interplay between propaganda and the people who propaganda depicts, especially in terms of spy fiction. I quote the line "In classic secret police fashion, the true secret is that there is no secret at all," all the time to my other war-crimes-special-interest friend.

Next Stop Execution, by Oleg Gordievsky - A memoir by KGB defector Oleg Gordievsky. I found this a fascinating look into the inner workings of the KGB, as well as into the mind of a man willing to risk everything for what he believed in.

Those are my history book recs, I have some more historical fiction or Soviet fiction recs!

[asexualbookbird]

Immediately forgets everything that happened in June. Uh. I threw a tea party! Finished a knit hat! Did one (1) queer corvid piece! Started playing baldurs gate! Read some good books! SAW SOME SANDHILL CRANES!!!! Found new enrichment in the form of a new walking route! A busy busy month! Didn't read as much as I intended, but I did get to check off five more books on my Reading Books I Own chart so I call that a win.

The Adventures of Amina Al-Sirafi by Shannon Chakranorty ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- WHAT A FUN BOOK! "Adventure" is the perfect word for this. Yes, it's a trilogy with only one book out, but this also works so well on its own, as individual books SHOULD! It's its own little thing. Wrapped up neat and tidy with little threads to pick up in the future. I had so much fun and the audiobook was a DELIGHT, I want to read it again immediately.

The Novice by Taran Matharu ⭐- This has been sitting on my shelf since its release. It moved homes with me. It will not be doing so again. Bland, generic, poorly written. Proof just because you were an internet success, doesn't mean you don't need an editor. Also proof that publishing is about Luck and Connections. I know goodreads ratings mean Nothing, but come on. Why is this one so high. Did people really enjoy it that much? HOW??

Translation State by Ann Leckie ⭐⭐⭐⭐- Okay. Look. This was not my favorite Leckie novel. In fact it very well could by me least favorite Leckie novel. HOWEVER. Even then, it was still fun and enjoyable. I wish it ended differently, but I still loved all the characters and how they interact. I do want to reread this as well, because I remember enjoying Ancillary Justice more the second time around and I wonder if the same will happen here.

What Moves The Dead by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - A reread! To get ready for What Feasts At Night! Even knowing all the secrets, it's still a perfectly bite sized creepy read. My favorite thing about Kingfishers writing is how even with the darkest subjects she still manages to add humor. And it never seems out of place! It's a great breather for the reader but doesn't detract from the tension. Do not recommend reading this while walking through a field of bunnies.

What Feasts At Night by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - I gave What Moves The Dead four stars at my initial read through, so I wonder if this will ALSO change to five stars upon rereading. I had to read the first few chapters twice for them to stick, and ended up switching to the audiobook which was very well done. I really didn't expect another book about Alex Easton, but I'm hooked now to be honest. I mean, stop putting this soldier in Situations, but also. I want to know what other Situations ka gets into. Angus and Miss Potter are adorable.

The library has a few summer reading games with prizes so my reading in the upcoming months will be influenced by those. Someone said there might even be a local bookstore gift package in the mix and I Want That. I do still want to do the Bone Season updated read, if for no other reason than to get rid of those books so I don't have to pack and move them. Other than that, no reading plans. I've read nearly every book that's on the shelf in my bedroom, which, wow, so it's getting harder to choose what to read. I guess that's a good thing! Leaves more room to reread old favorites.

[bee-ina-boat]

hello gay people. i mentioned awhile back about a possible concept for a tma au but its mixed with mythology/religion based stuff. i have since finished this chunk of concept/reference art of the Ceaseless Watcher for this au!!!

im dubbing it: The Magnus Mythos!! please talk to me about it i am insane

putting my rambling au nonsense under the readmore!!!!!

edit!!!: new mythos post just dropped :3

alright- bare with me because my thoughts are everywhere lol

random various au information:

the fear entites are instead more general gods, much like those from various mythologies (greek, norse, egyption, etc.) like the eye, rather than an entity that feeds on the fear of being watched, is rather the god of knowledge and sight!

all of the gods have influence over the world, some mortals will devote themselves to one specific god entirely, others will become devout to multiple, and some will simply be neutral among all 14 and live life out as they please.

avatars are mortals who have been blessed with power by the gods while creatures (like mr spider, the not them, etc) are simply beings who have been born into the world by the gods power seeping into it. artifacts are items that have either been blessed/cursed by the gods or avatars, or have been affected by the gods power seeping into the world also.

theres multiple sects, cults, and churches for each god much like how many real life religions have different sects with their own rules and standards. some have beef, others do not.

the gods themselves are entirely morally neutral, they have their own interconnected relationships with eachother, and kind of view mortals as pets in a way, picking favorites and seeing them as of lesser importance in comparison to themselves.

since the gods here arent necessarily evil and theyre actually sentient beings, their titles are changed to be more fitting (the mother of puppets -> the mother of fate as an example)

the story is set in an era resembling the early 1900s because idk. vibes are neat i guess

thats all the basic world building crumbs for now, ill go deeper into it when i have more art and story stuff ready!

for now- heres some actual lore :3c

Jonah magnus is basically eye jesus. thousands of years prior to the start of the story, the eye favored him and he became a messiah of sorts.

the House of Magnus is a church sect of the eye founded in what is now london. but it doesnt operate JUST as a simple church. many sects of the eye devote themselves to gaining knowledge of the world around them and the House of Magnus is no different there. operating with a library, research centre and all. the research not just on history and knowledge, but also the holy and divine. documenting stories that deal with the divine powers and researching cursed/blessed artifacts aswell.

its a common legend that if one tells their story under the eyes watch (either in a church of the eye or directly to an avatar of the eye) that theyll receive good fortune and foresight, and since the House of Magnus has become a well known sect of the eye, many will come far and wide to detail their accounts under its roof

all of this documentation leads down to the Magnus Mythos, a large archive under the church where the written documents are filed, curated and cared for by the head Archivist. as such, the position of Archivist has become a most sacred role among worshippers of the eye comparable to the head of the church itself.

they arent just revered for their care of the mythos (though the devotees of the eye view the care of documented knowledge to be a sacred and ever important responsibility) Theres a prophecy, hand woven by the Mother of Fate herself, one that states an ordinary archivist will one day be gifted by all 14 of the gods and awaken the great change, bringing about a new and blessed age.

but is this newest archivist even ready for such pressure and commitment? and what if the prophecy is more devious than one might think?

oooOOOOoooOO mysterious lore- i know this is heavily self indulgent but i refuse to apologize for that because im havin FUN. if you read all of that just know i love you so much and i hope you liked it ;w; im very excited and ive been working on archivist +archival assistant lore for the past few days and im excited to do art for them ;_;

[alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody]

kinktober #21

Chained Up ⛓️ / Silky Soft 💕

One day, in another world not far off, unburdened by such things as “lease agreements” and “student loans,” Marcille and Falin will live closer together. They’ll have a dreamy little two-bed full of plants and terrariums and soft colors, and they’ll take turns cooking dinner and Marcille will volunteer far more often than it’s her turn because cooking is her favorite form of magic and she likes knowing that Falin is well-fed.  

But until then, she’s stuck rollerblading across town with a dozen eggs in her backpack, precariously padded by a t-shirt, boxers, sleep socks, and tomorrow’s clothes. The grocery store near Falin’s place isn’t as nice as the one near Marcille’s, and the eggs there are always either sold out or smashed in their cardboard nests, so she’s resorted to bringing her own if she really needs them. Falin won’t eat them on her own, but Marcille can hard-boil the rest while she bakes tonight and keep them in the work fridge for her lunch all week. Her job at the university library — well, that and Falin’s graduate courses — are what brought them together in the first place; Falin is in one of those fancy master’s programs where they pay you to study, which is great because studying is objectively what Falin’s best at. Marcille is a good librarian but a better researcher, but research doesn't pay the bills.

Falin's got an evening class tonight, so Marcille lets herself in with the spare key under the large ceramic frog on the front porch. When they’d found it at a yard sale, its paint was grayish-brown and flaking off, and Falin took it upon herself to repaint it with a startling degree of accuracy as a North American leopard frog. 

She throws the eggs in the fridge, peels off her pads, leggings, and hoodie, and takes a quick, brutal shower — Falin has the nicer apartment but the worse hot water system — before changing into her comfy clothes and hanging her skate clothes on the couple feet of clothesline she and Falin rigged on the tiny back porch to air out in the crisp October breeze. Then she ties up her wet hair and sets up shop in Falin’s galley kitchen, separating her eggs, zesting a lemon, and lining up the other ingredients with their corresponding measuring cups and spoons. 

She’s made plenty of chiffon cakes by now, and she falls into the rhythm of it as she bops along to the K-pop playing from her phone. While the cake bakes and the rest of her eggs boil, she starts on a whipped cream frosting and adds a packet of the instant vanilla pudding mix Falin keeps around for emergencies to stabilize it.

By the time Falin comes home, the cake is done and frosted and the boiled eggs are safely ensconced in an airtight container, and fortunately the kitchen smells a lot more like the former than the latter. “Surprise!” exclaims Marcille as Falin steps toward the kitchen, and Falin’s face lights with a grin. 

“I didn’t know you were coming so early! What’s the cake for? It looks amazing.”

“Special occasion,” beams Marcille. “Guess.”

“It’s not our anniversary,” says Falin, puzzled. “That’s not for another couple of weeks. What’s today?”

Marcille takes her in her arms and pulls her in close. Falin’s current favorite soap is somewhere between basil and mint, green and leafy, and Marcille thinks she always smells like a bright summer day. “A year ago today,” she says, the tip of her nose just brushing Falin’s, “we held hands for the first time.”

“Oh, my gosh,” says Falin, laughing. “On the boardwalk? When I kept falling over on my skates?”

“Yes,” says Marcille, twirling her around. “We did technically hold hands, because I had to keep you upright somehow. And we decided it was technically our first date later! So it counts!”

“It counts, it counts,” Falin agrees. “I just can’t believe you remembered what day that was.” She drops her backpack by the door and kicks off her brown loafers. Her navy slacks hug her plump legs, and her cream-colored sweater has caramel-colored suede patches sewn over the elbows. A slim headband holds her hair back from her face, and she looks so cute and textbook-scholarly that she’s hard to look at dead-on. “Let me change and then we can have cake?”

Marcille nods. “Did you have dinner?” she calls after Falin as she starts down the hall.

“Cake is dinner!” Falin yells back, and Marcille rolls her eyes affectionately. Not that she can really fault her. Falin’s learned by now that Marcille is clinically incapable of serving her just a single slice of cake, and Marcille has learned, to her profound dismay, that Falin is deep in the habit of forgetting about food when she could be doing school instead. Hence the emergency pudding packets, emergency instant mac and cheese cups, and emergency Pop-Tarts in the cabinet. Marcille has made it her mission to create a life for Falin where she doesn’t have to think about what she’s going to eat because Marcille has already thought about it for her and made it appear in front of her, but it would be a lot easier to do from the same apartment.

While Falin changes, she rinses some blackberries from the farmer’s market in the park nearby and sets them out in a dish, then gets out the sparkling wine she specifically planted in the back of Falin’s musty liquor-and-specimen-but-mostly-specimen cabinet a few weeks ago. Tonight has been in the works for months, not because Marcille feels especially strongly about celebrating minor dates, fun as that is, but because that day on the boardwalk, the two of them dissolving into giggles as Falin lost her balance over and over again, was the day she knew that what she felt for Falin was unlike what she’d felt for anyone else. She wanted to go over every bump in the road just like this for the rest of their lives, hand in hand and laughing. 

Falin appears in the doorway just as Marcille is pouring wine into plastic champagne flutes she’s had squirreled away behind the baking dishes for at least a month and a half. She looks resplendent in a white tank top that shows off her pillowy upper arms and incredible boobs and barely covers her wide, plush belly. Her lavender sleep shorts are patterned with little dragonflies and only fall to the tops of her plump, dimpled thighs, and Marcille can see every pink stretch mark, every delicate fold on her soft, creamy skin. 

“The wine!” says Falin, pointing, and Marcille yelps as she realizes she’s pouring sparkling rosé all over the table.

“Shit! Ah!” She sets down the wine and dives for paper towels, and Falin grabs the dishtowel from the hook by the sink. 

“Well, at least it was cheap wine,” says Marcille, mopping up the spill and tossing the sopping paper towels into the trash. “Sorry, I was momentarily blinded by your beauty.”

Falin beams and does a little curtsy thing with the edges of her shorts. None of these clothes are new, they’re things Marcille has seen her wear a thousand times, but they still take her breath away. The way the shorts tug around the abundant curves of her hips and backside, the little hint of stretch-marked cleavage she can see above the dip of her tank top’s neckline, the way the fabric clings just enough for her to see each roll of Falin’s ample belly when she sits —

“Sit, sit!” says Marcille, scooting the less-full glass in front of Falin and heading back to the kitchen for the cake. “And you’d better eat some blackberries, too, so we can agree that this is a multi-food group meal.”

“Already on it!”

“Good.” Feeling grand despite her new-hire orientation university t-shirt, boxers from the men’s section, and slouchy socks, she carries out the cake and sets it triumphantly in the center of their little folding table. “Voilà!” she proclaims, and Falin gives her a smattering of light applause.

“Thank you, thank you,” she says, taking a bow before ducking back to the kitchen for the cake knife. “All right, say when.”

She makes the first cut into the cake, then moves her knife to signify a larger and larger hypothetical slice.

“Yes,” says Falin blithely when the knife has moved to about a quarter of the way around the cake. Marcille almost drops the knife.

“Really?”

“Sure,” says Falin with an angelic smile. “I didn’t eat dinner. I had a Pop-Tart for lunch. Why not?”

“I packed you lunch!”

Falin shrugs. “I ate it when I got up this morning. I didn’t feel like making something else.”

“I swear to god,” says Marcille, pointing a fork at her playfully. “One of these days I am going to get you eating three meals a day.”

Falin flutters her eyelashes — clumsily, which is all the more endearing. “Please! I would love three meals a day. I just don’t want to make them.”

Marcille grumbles good-naturedly and heaves Falin’s quarter of the cake onto her plate. “Thank you!” Falin chirps, sprinkling blackberries over it. 

She cuts herself a slice and waits for Falin to take a bite, and she isn’t disappointed when she does. Falin’s eyes flutter closed, and she makes a soft, tender sound that kick Marcille’s feet out from under her, even sitting down. 

“Oh, Marcille,” Falin breathes. “This is so, so good.”

Marcille beams. “Good! The way you looked when you tasted it is the way you make me feel.”

“How did I look?”

Marcille makes what must be a poor approximation of Falin’s pleasure, because Falin bursts out laughing. “Is that how I make you feel?”

“Listen!” yelps Marcille, but she can’t help laughing too. “Just take my word for it, okay? You made a really cute face!”

“Well, you made a really good cake,” Falin returns, taking a tiny sip of sparkling wine. “Oh, that’s nice! Fruity.”

“You’re nice and fruity.”

Falin wrinkles her nose in a laugh, but the gesture is interrupted by a hiccup. “So are you, but you’re easier to swallow.”

Clearly Falin did skip some meals today, because she finishes her chunk of cake in record time and pushes her empty plate back to Marcille. “A little more, please?” she says sweetly, and obviously Marcille says yes.

“Another quarter, or a … half of a quarter?”

“That’s an eighth,” Falin corrects. “But maybe another quarter. I kind of like the idea of eating half a cake. It sounds like it should be hyperbole.”

Marcille, unable to help herself, says, “You sound like you should be hyperbole.”

“Yes,” says Falin, palming her belly where it bumps the edge of the table, “I am subject to amplification, it’s true.”

She grins while Marcille makes disgruntled noises and plates her second piece of cake. Falin takes more blackberries, and she hiccups again when she takes another sip of wine. She tells Marcille how her classes went today, and Marcille tells her about the silent drama two students have been waging by taking out and returning the same novel with notes in it over and over again. 

Finally, Falin sets her fork on her empty plate and leans back in her seat, eyes closing happily. “That was so good, Marcille. Thank you.”

“Any time,” says Marcille, coming around to take her plate and drop a surprise kiss on her cheek. “Always. Did you have enough?”

Falin nods, resting her hands on the crest of her belly. “Mmm-hmmm.”

“I’ll wrap up the rest of the cake,” says Marcille, stroking through Falin’s hair. “You go get comfy in bed and we can cuddle for a bit?”

“I’d love that,” says Falin, stretching her arms over her head. One hand on the cake plate, Marcille reaches down with the other to jiggle the soft, perfect roll of belly that falls out from beneath her shirt.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it!” she says, dancing away as Falin laughs and grabs for her hand. “Go to bed! I’ll be right there!”

She wraps the cake at the speed of light and swallows the last of her wine, then practically sprints across the small apartment to Falin’s bedroom. Falin’s propped up on a couple of pillows, which is probably prudent given the amount of cake she just ate, and she looks so lovely, like it’s unfathomable that someone could have even invented the word lovely without first seeing her. 

Marcille dives into bed next to her, jostling the mattress enough to make Falin’s body jiggle. “Hi,” she says, brushing her flyaways out of her face. Falin laughs and cups Marcille’s face in one soft, warm hand.

“Hi,” she says. “Come here.”

Marcille cuddles up next to her and leans her head on Falin’s shoulder, one hand creeping under her white tank top. Her belly is so perfectly doughy, soft and springy like the beginnings of bread or buns, and Marcille wobbles gently as she lies against her, breathing in her fresh, green smell and scalp prickling as Falin strokes her hair.

She slips her hand just below the line of Falin’s sensible cotton underwear, where there’s the silkiest slip of skin Marcille has ever had the mind-melting pleasure of running her fingertips over. She sighs gently, and Falin’s body moves with a laugh.

“Did you find the spot?”

“Yeah,” says Marcille dreamily. She runs her hand down Falin’s thigh, carefully squishing the thick, dimpled fat at their backs, then walking her hand back up so she can start again. “Your body’s so good. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” says Falin, pulling one of Marcille’s hands up to kiss the back. “I love that you remembered which day we first held hands. That was a really nice day.”

“Yeah, it was.” Marcille idly plays with the soft flab of Falin’s upper arms. “I could have sat at that little ice cream shack with you forever.”

Falin nods. “I barely even noticed how cold it was because I was having so much fun with you.”

Marcille nuzzles her face into Falin’s arm. “You were the one who suggested ice cream!”

“It’s never too cold for ice cream!”

“Okay, okay, fair.” Marcille rubs her socked feet against each other, trying to warm them up a little. “Hey, I know there’s still a while before your lease renews, but —”

“But you want to move in?” asks Falin, eyes bright, and Marcille nods.

“I know we sort of talked about it a few times, but I didn’t want to —”

“Yes!” says Falin, sitting up a little straighter. “Yes, yes. Even if I have to pack everything up and find somewhere new, I want you to be with me.”

Marcille feels like that bottle of sparkling wine, thrilling and fizzing with pleasure. “Perfect,” she says, snuggling close to Falin. “I can’t wait.”

[thankssteveditko]

A brief introduction

Hi. My name's Bobby. (She/her.) You may know me for running my inexplicably widely known Archie Sonic blog Thanks Ken Penders, or for making the game Super Lesbian Animal RPG. Maybe you just know me as a furry artist. I wear a lot of hats!

While it's not one of the main interests I'm known for, I've been a fan of Spider-Man for most of my life, ever since the fateful weekend in 2002 when my dad decided to rent a certain Sam Raimi movie. He passed on his love of the character to me. Spider-Man remains my favorite superhero to this day, even in an age when MCU fatigue is really setting in. My tastes in fiction (and, by extension, my own writing) were surely influenced by the mix of fantastical and relatable elements found in Peter Parker's stories. The way he can go on these adventures swinging all around New York and then be like "shit, I forgot to pay my rent for my hellhole apartment." As my dad put it, unlike a lot of other superheroes, under the mask Spider-Man's just a normal guy from Queens.

I'm not the most hardcore fan, sure, but I've enjoyed plenty of takes on the character across different storytelling mediums. Movies, cartoons, video games, etc. That is, with one notable exception. The original comics. The Earth-616 Spider-Man comics that have been going for 60 years now. Even though I was the rare 21st century elementary schooler with a comic shop pull list, the mainline Marvel universe seemed completely impenetrable to me. I didn't know where to start, and every year I put it off, the backlog only grew larger and larger. I did read the first few volumes of Ultimate Spider-Man in middle school because my local library had them, but that was about it.

Recently, though, being in a Spidey mood thanks to the Insomniac games and Spider-Verse movies, I had a crazy idea. What if I just... read the main universe Spider-Man comics from the start?

I've read plenty of other long comics. Manga series that span hundreds of chapters. All sorts of Sonic and Transformers comics. I read all of Homestuck. I'm a One Piece fan, for Christ's sake. It can't be that hard, right?

Right?

...Okay, yeah, this is gonna take forever. Which is why I've made a whole blog for my little Spider-Man posts as I casually read these comics. Enjoy!

[smilerjoseph]

Letters in the Manor

Victor Grantz x Male Reader (mlm)

exchanging anonymous love notes in hope for maybe finding each other in person.

I haven't written fanfic since middle school and I graduate high school in 3 days,,,,,,,,,,,

I truly tried my best to get all the points across but if they didn't, or you don't know a lot about Victor Grantz here's some stuff that could help with the fic!

Victor has "Scoptophobia" it's anxiety disorder with the fear of being seen in public or stared at by others, I wanted to make it so that Y/n in this instance doesn't know, and is instead overwhelmed by the fear that Victor simply isn't into guys or doesn't like him etc. Essentially coming up for reasons in his head as to why Victor acts the way he does while mixing it with his own thoughts/feelings.

Another thing: It's noted in his likes that he enjoys flowers :) Also his canonical age is 23! I like to imagine y/n in this instance is likely the same age or at least a few months to a year older.

In the long, daunting halls of the old manor, Y/n and Victor found themselves drawn to each other, maybe by fate or something more mysterious. Y/n, with his quick wit and social heart, often lingered with the other members of the manor, effortlessly weaving through conversations and laughter. Meanwhile, Victor, with his gentle demeanor and anxious heart, sought comfort in the quiet of the library, buried in books with Wick close by.

It began with letters, carefully written and left in unexpected places. Y/n was enchanted by Victor's presence, and Victor, never having experienced such gestures before, felt a rush of excitement with each discovery. He had spent years delivering letters to others but never been the recipient, and the idea that someone was thinking of him in such a way filled his heart with a warmth he had never known. Each letter was a revelation, a whisper of tenderness that echoed in the chambers of his soul, slipped under Victor's door, or tucked between the pages of his favorite books.

As the days passed, Y/n’s minor acts of kindness towards Victor became more frequent, from fetching Wick’s favorite treats to leaving freshly picked flowers on his desk. Yet, despite his growing fondness, Y/n found himself avoiding Victor in person, overwhelmed not only by the fear of rejection but also by the haunting worry of Victor discovering the truth behind the anonymous letters. The thought of Victor's potential disappointment or confusion gnawed at Y/n's heart, making each interaction a delicate dance of concealed emotions.

When they finally spoke, it felt as though the air in the room had thickened, suffocating them both in its weight. Victor’s words stumbling as he struggled to articulate his fears, avoiding Y/n's gaze at all costs. Y/n, sensing the discomfort, retreated into silence, unable to bear the thought of causing Victor any further distress.

But even in their moments of awkwardness, there was a spark of connection between them, a glimmer of understanding that transcended words. Victor, holding the letters close, felt a surge of happiness, knowing someone cared for him. And as he held those precious letters close, he dared to hope that perhaps, just perhaps, they could find their way to each other amidst the shadows of the old manor.

Meanwhile, Y/n watched Victor, torn between the desire to confess and the fear of rejection. Could Victor ever return his feelings, especially if he knew the letters weren't from a woman? It seemed inconceivable, a barrier too frightening to breach. Y/n found comfort in the anonymity of the letters, a shield from judgment.

In the dimly lit room, Y/n decided to keep up the act, wishing Victor well and retreating to his room, deciding to grapple with his doubts in the shadows of the old manor.

[the12thnightproject]

Chapter 50: Radiance -While waiting for the next wormhole, Shingen and Katsuko enjoy domestic fluff, birthday cake, and snowboarding… but an old video leads to an unsettling discovery.

Shingen x OC; Kenshin x MC (Mai)

Previous Chapter: Here

Logline - Disguised as a boy, Katsuko finds herself working for Shingen, but her dangerous masquerade becomes difficult to sustain when she falls for the man with a fatal secret.

With ten weeks until the next wormhole opened, modern Japan ended up being kind of a vacation for Shingen and I. Rather than join Sasuke in Kyoto, we elected to stay in Nagano since it was more or less home turf for both of us. Thanks to Aki’s generosity (I considered it an employee bonus and figured I had earned every penny – especially since he hadn’t ever paid me an actual salary), I had more than enough money to rent a decent furnished apartment for a few months.

Before the winter kicked in, we rented a motorcycle several times and toured through the countryside, riding down to the Yamanashi Prefecture, formerly Kai. After some discussion, we elected not to visit the Tsutsujigasaki historic site – it would be too strange and jarring. “When we go to Tsutusjigasaki Castle,” he told me, “it will be as it was, so I can introduce you to its people.”

In return, I showed him all of my old kid haunts – not that there were that many – and my favorite places to hike and climb. And of course, Shingen being Shingen, we created our own tour of Teahouses and bakeries around the city.

Sasuke came up from Kyoto every other week, mostly to hang out, but also to report what was going on with the wormhole and his investigation into the mystery of Aki. The latter was unfortunately stalled due to his parents having taken a sabbatical trip through China – they’d rented their house out to a businessman from India.

On my own, I was doing similar research on my old mentor, but to no one’s surprise, he kept an extremely low internet footprint. Nothing like putting your primary residence 450 years in the past to help you stay off the grid. Similarly, though I haunted the library and archive sites, I was unable to find a lead on “Hikosane.” If he had done something important during his lifetime, it wasn’t in the historical record.

The first weekend in December, Sasuke came up and took Shingen out for a man-bonding afternoon. That was how Sasuke described it. I described it as “get him out of the house so I can bake him a birthday cake.” The birthday meal itself, I would trust to delivery, but I wanted to at least make him something sweet.

Cooking and baking were not activities I had done a much of after my mother died, but prior to that, I’d been the primary cook, not just for meals but also desserts. I had gone through a phase where I baked the most decadent things I could find, hoping to tempt her to – Ah… maybe that was why I wasn’t a huge fan of sweets now? I jotted that down in a notebook my therapist was having me keep. I had decided to see a therapist for my claustrophobia and nightmares. They were never as bad when I was with Shingen, but I felt it wasn’t his job to deal with my mental health – I needed to take responsibility for that. Obviously, there wasn’t a lot I could accomplish before we headed back through the wormhole in the Spring (I told my therapist I was moving to Vancouver) but I hoped to at least have the tools I needed to keep moving forward.

I checked the temperature of the cake layers that were cooling on wire racks. Online, I’d found what looked like (per the number of stars the recipe had) an extremely decadent recipe for chocolate and strawberry cake. While I might never win any cake decorating contests, I was confident the cake would at least taste good. Just as I finished mixing up the buttercream frosting, Shingen and Sasuke came through the door, stomping snow off their boots.

“Sorry to bring him back early – the snow’s getting fairly deep.” Sasuke hates driving in snow. For that matter, Shingen’s not terribly fond of being a passenger when Sasuke is driving, so I ought to have expected an early return.

“No worries.” I’d been listening to the weather reports. Deep snow tonight meant this weekend I could finally take them snowboarding – an excursion that we’d planned for as soon as the weather cooperated.

“What’s all this?” Shingen eyed the cake and the bowl of frosting with the intent interest of a sugar fiend who’d been held hostage in a health spa for a decade. “If it tastes as good as it smells, then I’d say we’ve gotten back right on time.”

“I hope that wasn’t supposed to be a surprise.” Sasuke headed to the coffee machine that we kept out just for him, as neither Shingen nor I had ever developed a taste for it (though Shingen did have a fondness for those fancy caramel mocha lattes they sold at the chain coffee shop – go figure).

“No, it was to prevent… that.” Shingen had grabbed the bowl of frosting and a spoon. I took the bowl away. “That goes on the cake,” I said. He gave me an adorable little boy frown. I leaned closer and said to him quietly. “If there’s any leftover after that, we can have it later… I’ll take the role of the cake.”

Shingen had been stealthily reaching the spoon for a raid on the frosting, but upon hearing that hastily aborted the mission. I ran my finger along the edge of the bowl, scooping up a small amount of frosting on it, and held it out to him. “Will this hold you for a while?”

He sucked my finger into his mouth and licked away the frosting. “For dessert, yes. For you, my sweet Devil, not even close.” He backed me into the counter and dipped me into a kiss. He tasted of chocolate and snow and promises.

“Not a full wall, so I suppose that’s a half-kabedon,” Sasuke toasted us with his mug of coffee.

“Only the Russian judge will care.” I scooted out from under Shingen’s arms, then handed him my phone. “This cake will not frost itself. Why don’t you guys pick a place and order dinner. In this weather it could take a while to get here.”

Shingen opened up the restaurant delivery app. “Any preferences?”

“Your birthday, you pick. Just order something vegetarian for me.” I began putting the crumb coat of frosting onto the cake and pretended not to notice when Shingen stole another taste.

Sasuke rescued the cake from becoming a “naked cake” by taking Shingen into the other room to watch TV – they were working their way through the original Star Trek. I’m not sure Shingen was all that into the show, but it was fun to watch Sasuke watch it. Apparently, he and Gene Rodenberry had incompatible views on the science of space travel. Already I could hear him grumbling that spaceships didn’t need to ‘bank’ in zero gravity.

While I lost myself in the soothing rhythm of cake frosting (given the number of tiktok and youtube videos of people frosting cakes, I wasn’t the only person to appreciate the ASMR quality of cake decorating), I let my gaze wander from where I could see Shingen and Sasuke joking around in front of the tv set, to the window, where the late afternoon snow was lightly brushing against the window.

Respite.

There was that word again. Away from the stress and danger of the Sengoku, Shingen and I were cocooning in this little apartment, learning how to be together without distraction. Once we got back, we’d both have our battles to fight. I was determined to find Aki and demand an explanation, while Shingen was making plans to try to wrest Kai from Nobunaga. But until then, it was nice to have this comfort of daily living together, in order to strengthen what we’d need to face these challenges, both as individuals, and as ‘us.’

Later, after we’d finished dinner and a good portion of the birthday cake, the sugar crash hit, and we all sprawled lazily on the couch, good naturedly debating what to watch, without making any real effort to actually make a decision.

“Are you going to finish that?” Shingen indicated the remainder of the slice of cake that I hadn’t managed to eat.

Oof. Even if I thought I could move (too full), or wanted to move (too comfortable under Shingen’s arm) I didn’t want it. I’d made the cake to his tastes, not mine. “It’s about eighty percent frosting – go ahead. I’ve never liked that much sugar.”

He reached for it, then paused. “Except for the sweets from the Teahouse in Kasugayama – you liked those.”

I made a show of looking innocently at the ceiling and folding my hands penitently while Sasuke snickered quietly from his end of the couch.

Here came the forehead flick. “Really, Devil?”

“I never actually said I liked them. I simply didn’t correct your assumption that I did.” I resisted the urge to rub spot he’d just flicked. No need to encourage him.

“What am I going to do with her?” Shingen addressed Sasuke, who looked like he wanted to yeet out of the conversation completely. “She happily lies to me, steals my clothes” (oh yeah, I was wearing his shirt again), “-falls out of trees-”   

“Alright, enough about that.” I gestured to Sasuke’s tablet, which was currently wirelessly connected to our TV. “Sasuke, go to youtube.” I gave him the address of the old youtube page that Toshiie and I had put up when we were still teenagers. Hopefully after so many years, it was still there. “We’re going to settle this tree thing once and for all.”

Sasuke did that ninja typing thing again. “Password?”

“Tony_Stark1610.”

“Ironman? Really Katsuko, you need better privacy settings than that.” He brought up the page. The freerunning videos were at the top, but we were going to go further back than that.

“Shut it, Spidey I was fourteen when I created this page.” No one would have been looking for it in any case.

He sighed. “At least you didn’t use your pets’ name or your birthday.”

“Sixteen ten is her birthday,” Shingen offered.

Also, Tony Stark had been the name of my cat, but I was not going to bring that up to Sasuke. “I’ll change the password later.” I directed him to the oldest video on the page.

It had been the last time I’d ever competed in artistic gymnastics – a small local competition. My mother, who normally was my biggest supporter had been having a bad week and that morning hadn’t left her bed. Toshiie had filmed the event so she could see it later. As far as I knew, she’d never watched. I’d quit soon after that – I’d only been doing it for her to begin with, and I didn’t have the funds -or the talent - to move up to an elite level. Not that that mattered now. What was on the video would likely look more impressive than it actually was.

Shingen and Sasuke watched my fourteen-year-old self tumble and flip across the balance beam. “There will be no more talk of me falling out of trees.”

“Can you teach me some of that? It would come in handy for a moderately awesome ninja.” Sasuke had a faraway look in his eyes. Likely imagining surprising Yuki or Kenshin with new tricks.

“Ah, now I understand what you meant about training as a performer from a young age.” Shingen watched teen Katsuko slide into a full split then dismount the beam with a flourish. “Are you still that flexible, Devil?”

Nobody with breasts and hips is that flexible. I was about to reply to that one with a forehead flick of my own, when the next video began. “I had no idea he posted this – Sasuke click stop.”

It was the freerunning video from the day of the wormhole – just seeing the view of the building that I was about to ascend brought back the feelings of restlessness and anxiety from that year.

“What’s wrong?” As usual, Shingen was tuned into my emotions and he picked up my hand and held it comfortingly.

“The day we got swept into the Sengoku, Toshiie filmed this. I was just surprised that he’d had time to put it on the page.” Discovering this was like time-traveling to my younger self in an archival wormhole.

“May I watch? I’d like to get a sense of the weather conditions that day – it’s a rare opportunity to have this type of data for analysis.” Sasuke had instantly become alert, ready to flip into Weird Science Mode.

“Um, if we play this, I need to warn you in advance – I was a lot more of a daredevil back then, and my brother and I fought about what I did here.” Which was why I was surprised he’d uploaded it. Maybe to try to talk me out of taking risks.

“So noted.” Shingen didn’t actually promise not to get upset, but Sasuke had already pressed start. I resisted the urge to watch Shingen, especially when I almost fell off a three-story building, but I could feel his tension at that point, and… what was that? “Wait, Sasuke, can you play that back?”

“I really don’t want to see you almost die again.” Yeah, Shingen sounded upset and his hand was almost squeezing mine too hard.

“Don’t watch me – look beyond that… left side of the roof.” Something had distracted me that day – that was why I had nearly fallen to begin with. “There.”

“I see it!” Sasuke paused the video and pinch zoomed. “What the hell is that?”

There had been someone else on the roof – a blurry, foggy figure who then vanished into the horizon almost as if they’d unzipped the sky and climbed in. “Now I am creeped out.” There wasn’t any way to tell who – or what – that had been. “Sasuke..?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He zoomed in some more, but that just added to the blur. “Permission to send a copy of this to myself?”

It might have been Aki.

It might have been Iekane.

It might have been someone completely unknown to us.

Who the hell were these people?

In any case, tracking down and confronting Aki suddenly became a lot more important.

The snowboarding expedition was a mixed success. Sasuke’s Ninja training had come in handy, and after a few basic pointers, he had left to try out his skills on an intermediate course… or more accurately, he’d wanted to further bond with a cute tourist he’d met on the ski lift.

Shingen was athletic, but this was one of the places his height was a disadvantage. With his higher center of gravity, he’d had some trouble getting into his knees. Eventually though, he’d picked it up, and soon was swooping down the training hill. He did fall a couple more times after that, but since both times he’d managed to take me down with him, I figured those had been on purpose.

After a couple hours, he noticed I was eyeing one of the half-pipes. “If you want to do that, I’m ready for a break.”

Hm. It had been seven (or, was it eight – I was never sure how to count the unknown amount of time I’d been stuck in the wormhole) years. Could I still manage it? But with Shingen voluntarily encouraging my daredevil tendencies – why not? I gave him a quick kiss. “See you at the bottom of the hill.

In no time at all, I’d dropped in and traversed the pipe. I’d kept it simple, without trying any of the tricks I used to do, aside from simple 180 turns at the top of each wall. But the rush was still there, and I zipped to the bottom with a whoop. Flying. Me and the sky. But the bigger rush? Seeing Shingen waiting for me at the base of the hill, smiling as he watched me skid to a stop.

“I once called you a moon goddess,” he said as I disengaged from the board. “I was wrong. You’re pure sunshine – made for daylight – the most radiant being I’ve ever seen.”

I smiled up at him and took his hand. “You keep that up and you’re going to melt all the snow.”

“What time are we meeting Sasuke?” he asked, while we were waiting to return our rented equipment.

“We’re not.” I pulled a hotel key card out of my pocket. I’d already packed some luggage for both of us in order to keep this a surprise. “Sasuke took an uber back to the apartment.” Or possibly he was furthering his acquaintance with the tourist he’d met earlier. “You and I are going to that hotel over there,” I pointed to the resort attached to the snow park. “Where we can celebrate your birthday by soaking in a private hot spring.”

Later, under the clear star filled sky, Shingen lowered himself with a sigh into steaming hot water. He leaned back against the natural rock formation and gazed out on the view of Mount Kosha. “This was a good idea you had.”

“I do have them, occasionally.” The combination of the snow kissed air and the hot water felt wonderful on my skin and ok- slightly – aching muscles. “I am a little sore after that… are you?”

“Given that I am close to five hundred years old, yes. These bones aren’t what they used to be.” In opposition to his statement, he swiftly pulled me onto his lap.

“I think you’re in great shape… for your age.” I ran my hands over his chest muscles.

“I fell a little bit in love with you the moment you said that. You had this challenging glint in your eyes.” He put his finger under my chin and drew my face up to his. “Yes, just like now. You hung onto that basket of pastry and acted like an insubordinate recruit.”

“In my defense, you had just set me up to be killed – hey!” Shingen removed my wet tankini top and tossed it aside. My nipples immediately tightened in the cold air. “That is not a place I want to have icicles dripping from.”

“Can’t have that.” He fastened his lips to my breast and warmed it with his mouth and tongue. “Hold still, Devil. I want to see if I can put the same look on your face that you had when you were zipping across the half-pipe.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him closer to me. “You do, Shingen. You might not always be looking my way when it’s there, but… you do.”

@bestbryn

[thundercrack]

ok joining the club... February reading report! I'm mostly just mouthing off... Read at your own risk!

Dune by Frank Herbert

The Friend by Sigrid Nunez

Look, I'm a sucker for a classic. I'd been vaguely meaning to read this since I saw the Timmy Chalemet movie...and I generally have a tolerance for fairly long scifi/fantasy. I enjoyed the first maybe third of this book...and then I got bored (needless to say I will not be reading the next four Dune books although I did finish). Don't get me wrong -- I'm glad I read it. In many ways, Dune still culturally relevant, both within the world of genre fiction, and (especially because of the new film) in debates about orientalism, the Cold War, humanity, etc, etc. I found Herbert's explorations on this future version of Islam and future version of Arabic pretty interesting, but by the end of the book, I was really annoyed by the main character. There's a lot of really interesting discussion and criticism around this book, so I'm glad to be able to understand a little more of those conversations as well. Also, now I retrospectively sort of know what was happening in the movie!

I was too young to read this book. It was good; it was not for me. Revisit in thirty-five years.

Utopia Avenue by David Mitchell

Lincoln In The Bardo by George Saunders

Why did I read this? I've never read any other David Mitchell. This book was an exercise in 1960s musical fantasy, where nothing goes wrong and the truest joy is from celebrity encounters, powered by the author's love for the era, rather than having anything to say. This was a book about a rock band going straight to the top, without any real interrogation into the cultural forces and pitfalls of the 1960s, weak characterization, random tie-ins with his larger universe, and next to no tension. I'll probably still read Cloud Atlas at some point, but this one is a hard pass.

This was one of my old roommates favorite books that I gave another go after DNFing in maybe, 2018? Again, I think this might be a book I'd like more if I were older. I thought the structure and format was well-done (I especially liked the history excerpts, of course); the story itself, I was maybe luke-warm on. I thought the prose was good (especially the dialogue) and the characters were interesting. I'm not entirely sure what's making me luke-warm on it, but I liked it enough to be glad I read it.

Human Acts by Han Kang (trans. Deborah Smith)

This was the best book I read this month, hands down. Maybe this year as well. Kang masterfully weaves together a number of stories around the Gwangju massacre of pro-democracy demonstrators. This book was at times, extremely brutal to read (and I would say I have a fairly high tolerance in text). It was clearly well-researched, well-lived, and well-considered. The topics it tackled were both grains of sand and the meaning of humanity itself. I really, really, enjoyed this book; I highly recommend it, and I definitely look forward to reading The Vegetarian in the future. Bonus reading: Han Kang and the Complexity of Translation

All The President's Men by Woodward and Bernstein

I constantly get this one mixed up with All The Kings Men by Robert Penn Warren (also good). One of my college friends had just read this and sent me a number of random updates throughout their reading, mostly focused on Woodward and Bernstein's....tense relationship. Like most Americans, I've been vaguely aware of Watergate my whole life (I even saw that movie The Post!), and I think this book really did a good job laying out the reveal of the story as well as sort of the in-house tensions that were going on. My copy (from the library) was the original 1974 edition, and I sort of wish that I had a more recent version with a little bit more distance on the events, but it's kind of fun to have been "right in there." I generally do like this style of expanded-reportage book (see Ronan Farrow's books, or in another genre, Jon Krakauer), and Watergate still looms so large in the American political imagination, so I'm glad I read this one too.

Beyond Babylon by Igiaba Scego (trans. Aaron Robertson)

This is a book I would have really liked to enjoy. I didn't. I kept saying to myself -- well, maybe it's just the translation that didn't work for me (the whole book was a bit clunky to read). There are a lot of really interesting themes in this novel (fluid identity, colonization, language, coincidence, politics, choice and nature, etc), interesting characters, play with language, a sweep of history that could have been fascinating. However, in practice, it didn't work for me. The different storylines sometimes were confusing, the plot at times eluding me, seemingly unnecessary tangents taking me nowhere. It was a slow read. There was just a lot here (and maybe it's just through my background that I was missing pieces)...and none of it quite fit together.

Murder by the Book by Claire Harman

Totally random book I picked up at the library. It's not really a topic or like...an era (the metropolitan center of Victorian Britain??) that I care about, but I was like, hey, cool cover, I want an easy read this week, etc. I thought it was well written and well researched, and I definitely learned some stuff about the literary scene of the era. It was also amusing how some of the debates around "base literature" are...pretty much the same today as they were in the 1830s.

Beasts of a Little Land by Juhea Kim

Look, you ever read a book and you can just tell it was written by a Harvard/Yale/Princeton grad? Well, this was one. This book was extremely readable. It's got decent characters who are fairly easy to get invested in and a structure that pulls you through the text, all while set across a complex, divided, and rapidly changing backdrop of early 20th-c Korea. However, the narrative itself rung flat, and the book's promised complexity disappeared before I got through the second chapter -- it's almost a completely sanitized view of two very complex worlds: that of high-class courtesans, and that of orphans/gangs who become politically involved. Narratively things go wrong, but it's almost never because the characters make bad decisions -- except perhaps in love -- which collapses the once-promising characters. Also, it jumps from 1945 to 1964 at the end...not very successfully (the opening/closing of the book was extremely trite and not terribly well-done). This book was almost disappointing because it promised more than it could deliver, falling straight into the chasm of mediocre novels by diverse graduates of elite institutions. I didn't do it any favors by reading it so soon after Human Acts either, although they're very different novels.

The Thousand Crimes of Ming by Tsu Tom Lin

The advertising around this book does it poorly (do not go in expecting anything Cormac McCarthy-like LOL). Don't get me wrong, I liked this book -- I do enjoy a modern Western and I think Lin does a great job highlighting the role of Chinese workers on the expansion of the railroad, as well as the curiosities of the era through a fantastical magic troupe. The NPR review of this book highlights how each character plays with genre, which was true and definitely one interesting part of the novel. Thematically, I thought this book was interesting if a bit restrained, and the characters were neat. Unfortunately, though I enjoyed giving this one a read, at the end of the day, it's all a bit forgettable.

Dumb Luck by Vu Trong Phung (trans. Nyuyen Nguyet Cam and Peter Zinoman)

Tumblr bookclub read! Like I said to A and Rhu, I found the introduction "Vu Trong Phung's Dumb Luck and the Nature of Vietnamese Modernism" by Peter Zinoman more interesting than the text itself, but overall, I'm glad I read the book. It's always really interesting to read these sort of big, foundational texts -- even in fairly recent translation. I haven't read a lot of satire and really don't know that much about Vietnam before American involvement, but the thrust of the text was definitely quite interesting (and brutal -- one review described all the characters as antagonists) even if I didn't fully understand all the conversations, it was taking part in.

Heart of Darkness (3rd Norton Critical Edition) by Joseph Conrad (ed. Robert Kimbrough)

Confession: I think I'd read this before and almost entirely forgotten it. I didn't particularly enjoy the book and literarily, I'm not sure that I got what quality elevates it to a "great novel." I especially enjoyed the back-and-forth among several scholars (especially around Achebe) about its relationship to colonialism, inclusion in the canon, and European self-definition against Africa as a "primitive other." I'm glad I read it mostly because I feel like it gives me a better sense of the larger conversation around Leopold in the Congo and the literary/related discourses around the scramble for Africa. So, thematically, glad I read it; literarily, whatever.

The Last King of Scotland by Giles Foden

The end :) maybe I'll do this again someday!

Another confession: I pick a lot of books by wandering around the library and just grabbing one that looked interesting. I did read Heart of Darkness before this for a reason. I quite liked reading this one -- I thought the narration was really interesting and the narrator's complicity in the brutality of Idi Amin's rule was neat. Certain scenes were very brutal (and the book was certainly well-researched). I felt like at times, the time-skips didn't quite work, but the general disconnect between Garrigan, his identity, and what was happening around him was interesting. I think I had to watch the film that was a loose adaptation of the book in class in high school. I think I could probably have some more interesting thematic and political comments on this one if I sat on it a little longer, but I'm kind of getting tired of writing this and also I finished it like, twelve and a half hours ago or something.

[lyssaterald]

Take Flight, Part ?: Demons and Dragons

In which Belphegor meets the mother of his favorite exchange student and tries to put right the events of Lesson 16. References some of my other posts but can be mostly read independently.

Content Warning: General spoilers for the main story. Minors and ageless accounts do not interact! Named character, and slight mentions of character’s past and history which are expanded on as they are important to this chapter. Weirdly, I switch between past and present tense. Sorry, not sorry. Unbeta read.

Masterlist

--------

Since being summoned to Sanasa after the discovery of Lyssa's pregnancy, Belphie and his brothers had gone out of their way to try and win her family over to them, each met with varying degrees of success during the rotations they had set up to keep an eye on Lyssa and the babies during the last weeks of her pregnancy. Mammon and Beel had been met with the best sucess seeing as the younger siblings had adopted the demons of Greed and Gluttony as adopted uncles and carried them off in schemes of pranks and food whenever either was present. The palace cooks had even cautiously warmed up to Beel when they found an enthusiastic participant of their cooking experiments of human and dragon foods for Lyssa.

Even Satan had been met with mixed reactions as he struck a quiet kind of relationship with one of her older sisters about books and pursuing the dragon library when he was there. Levi had mostly kept to himself and tried to stick to Lyssa's side when it was his turn to take over watch of their favorite exchange student. Mostly, they let him watch his movies and shows with the pregnant woman as long as they were content.

Lucifer and Diavolo were treated with barely disguised contempt as her family considered them to be responsible for her nearly daily near death experiences. Even Barbatos was treated like that when they figured out he was Diavolo's "seer" that had caused Lyssa to die in the first place and enabled his ruler to kidnap her in the first place. The mother especially was quite cold to them, always ensuring they interacted as "Lyssa's mother" and "baby daddies" rather than rulers of their own realms. To Barbatos, the mother ignored his very existence for her daughter's sake when he was present.

It was Belphie that endured the brunt of their discontent when it was discovered that he had actually killed one version of their Lyssa. Generally, he dealt with the discontent by sleeping at her side and waiting for his next brother to take over his shift, but that day was different when he sought out Lyssa's Dame and went onto his knees before her.

He wasn't quite sure if he was being regarded as one of the Hell Lords or as an individual while he knelt before this woman who had carried and born Lyssa. The woman had hardly spoken a kind word to him or his brothers in the weeks since they had been first summoned and Diavolo had scared the hell out of everyone with his first reaction to the pregnancy.

Her clear blue eyes studied him with a dislike that made him shift uncomfortably. The golden hair shot with silver and features that regarded him reminded him so intensely of Lyssa that he could almost believe this woman was an older version of her from the future. That almost made it easier to bear, except that he knew this was the mother and Dame that Lyssa adored and held as an idol.

"I have already forgiven you for killing me," she had said. "But for hurting my family...that is another thing entirely. Forgiving that would mean you need my Dame's forgiveness and she doesn't forgive easily."

There had been no opportunity until now to meet the Dragon ruler properly and try to explain himself. Having snuck along with Beel's shift had given him the opportunity to try and corner this woman but her unwavering gaze was making him feel like this has been a mistake to try and track her down in her study.

She had set aside the papers she was working on when he barged in through the protests of her guards. Her chin resting in her hand as she regarded him made him feel all the more like Lucifer was scolding him.

"Say that again and say it clearly, Belphegor," she said and waved down the guards that had followed him in.

"I killed Lyssa with my own hands back during the beginning of the exchange program," he said softly. "I'm the one that damaged her bonds and hurt your family. I...I wanted to apologize properly and ask forgiveness even if I don't receive it."

There was a rustling of paper as she sorted through something, signed it and then set it to the side. It was such a Lucifer thing to do that he found himself relaxing in her presence. Maybe that was why Lyssa had fallen in love with Diavolo and Lucifer...the similarities she saw in her mother and them. That certainly appealed to his sense of the situation and eased his own sense of disappointment that she hadn't fallen for him.

"As I understand it, Barbatos is the one that manipulated the timelines to ensure you and your brothers were taught a lesson," she said, rummaging for another paper that she scanned and signed. "You were merely the instrument of that lesson."

"I...yes, that is what happened, but I still regret what happened."

She wasn't looking at him as she considered another document and he took a second to consider the woman in question. There were lines in her face that belied her age and the weight of ruling an entire species and yet the structure of her face still reminded him of Lyssa, the strong jaw and slightly crooked nose along with the hair and eyes let him still almost believe he was dealing with an older Lyssa and not someone else.

"So your Seer is that powerful? Enough that he can manipulate the seven of you brothers at the behest of his ruler?"

And that reminded him that she was also a ruler, likely looking at him as one the the Hell Lords and one who had hurt her daughter. Were they enemies? He caught the blue gaze that was studying him and swallowed at the lingering rage he saw in it. She was assessing him as the ruler in that second and not the mother.

His own gaze flicked to the ground again. "I can't answer that."

"Very well," she accepted. "I will respect that." There was the scratching of a quill again as she signed something else. "But, really, what is your goal here?"

That was the mother looking at him, the intensity of her blue eyes greater than before. "To apologize," he blurted.

"Do you truly feel regret or are you just seeking a better relationship with my daughter?" she hummed at him.

Assessing, weighing, testing. That was what he felt in her gaze, both mother and ruler. She was still assessing the demons as a whole and was thus unimpressed with them in what she had seen in the Brothers, Barbatos, and Diavolo. They weren't worthy of her daughter, he could see in her expression.

"I-I...both?" he asked in his confusion. And then a memory surfaced from when he had been submerged in the coma caused by their emotions and memories. "Your youngest four, the two sets of twins, they...had never felt loss like that before." Her scowl deepened and she set aside the quill and paperwork to fold her hands under her chin. "Beel...Beel is my twin. I hated how Lilith's death affected him more than anything. I-I blamed her fascination with humanity for taking her away from us. I took that out on Lyssa." He looked down at his hands then and figedted. "Lys said we weren't the only ones to have ever felt grief like that and left me in your emotions and memories. I never meant to hurt another set of twins like that."

The quiet admission softened her gaze as she observed the angel-turned-demon. In many ways, she did sympathize with him and his brothers. Maybe she wasn't as old as them but they had experienced many of the same hardships in gaining their current power and family.

However...

"You are not forgiven, Belphegor," she said and he flinched. "You killed my daughter and hurt every one of my children." She watched his shoulders shake for a moment and then relented. "Your regret is noted, as is the fact my daughter still lives." He met her softened gaze and it was the mother looking at him. "I will speak with her and resolve any lingering resentments. You will have whatever kind of relationship that she deems appropriate, without fear and without regrets."

If he weren't a demon, he might have cried in front of the woman. Just the prospect of an uncomplicated relationship with Lyssa was a relief of a weight he hadn't known he was carrying on his shoulders until then. But he was a demon and she was still assessing him a way that made him aware she hadn't dismissed his and he was still on his knees.

In that second, he was aware of how much of a life that she had lived, how she had fought an entire species and ruled them despite not being born to their ruling bloodlines. Similar and yet so different from his own with his brothers. And she was Lilith's descendant. How different she was from the softness Lyssa displayed and yet still the same in that core strength.

The look in her eyes shifted as she studied him and it was the ruler looking at him right then. She gestured at a chair in front of her desk and motioned him into it, waiting for him to move warily into the seat.

"I have some questions about your brothers," she told him and thus began a six hour of polite interrogation in which she wrung as much information from him as she could. Anything he couldn't go into detail about, she didn't push. They spoke about everything, things ranging from pranks to his brothers' sins and how they had changed upon their Fall.

After, she allowed him to escape back to her daughter and Beel, who gave him a worried look but didn't otherwise push. The treatment he received among the dragons from then on was more wary without the hostility that the others faced. Even when Diavolo or Lucifer questioned him about the change there was no detail he could reveal other than he had spoken to Lyssa's mother.

Subsequent conversations with the woman between Lucifer or Diavolo had them ejected from whatever space they cornered her in and increased hostility. It was a novel thing, Satan decided, to watch the two most powerful demons constantly thwarted by a mother's dislike. The time that Satan spent with the older sister increased as she took joy in watching the demons struggle with her mother's dislike of them.

It was almost a "thing" for them as they watched Lyssa navigate the bombshell of a topic when Lucifer or Diavolo was around. It was easier, he found, to be around the sister than Lyssa herself when it was his turn to watch over her and supply the babies with demonic energy. She-Imira-was as different as was possible from her sister. The two women bickered about everything but still clearly loved each other in the way of siblings. Any time someone got uppity towards one of them, the other defended her sister.

It was, in fact, one such time that Satan was roped into the disagreement that the sisters were having over... something. They had started off angry with each other and Asmo couldn't have run off faster when he had appeared. Imira was yanking on her own dark locks while Lyssa rubbed at her stomach and they glared at each other.

"Should I come back later?" he asked.

"No," they snapped together.

"You know I can't leave!" Imira insisted. "What if something happens with the babies and your demons can't get us fast enough or we can't get to you fast enough?!"

"This is because no one lets them beyond the library and third floor of the palace! If they don't know the way to the birthing chambers, or relevant quarters, how are they supposed to help when the time comes?!"

"They don't need to! Why aren't we enough anymore!? In just the year you were gone, you've changed from my sweet little sister to someone that argues with us daily over everything! You're even willing to risk yourself for these children and the fathers that abandoned you! How can you still be brainwashed after six months of treatment from dame?!"

Ah, Satan realized. A rift had formed between her and her family to keep the babies and risk her life daily to carry them. Lyssa went dangerously silent for a long moment and Satan took a couple of steps to her left into one of her blind spots that her magic would do too much damage if she went feral. Her wrath was tugging at his own but he wouldn't let it take over. They'd done that once and he remembered the fear and pain she had been wracked with in the days after.

Lyssa gestured at him and said, "That! Exactly that! Tantan moved to a position where he could help me contain damage if I lost control! They took a single year and learned about me: the things I am afraid of, how best to help my nightmares, the things I like and hate. And they did that because they appreciated the things I did for them and they never held expectations that I would be a line of defense for the family names and honors!"

Imira took a step back and assessed him, then. But he was staring at Lyssa. She hadn't used his nickname in a long time, not since he had tried to make a move on her and form a wedge between here and Lucifer and Diavolo that culminates in her being fucked in the royal gardens in front of all of them. That had been when he was forced to admit his obsession over her was unhealthy and his feelings never returned.

Then, Lyssa yanked up her sleeves and showed them the twisting scars. "Dame never expected me to fight, but all of you assumed I should and so I did! I thought it was the only way to live. To protect what is loved and be protected in return." Tears were pricking at her eyes now and Satan and Imira took several steps towards her, but it was Satan that she backed towards. "But I don't heal as well as everyone else. I was left with scars even after being healed and we all know that the only natural born healers are Mazia and Dathanul. So what about the other children like me? Bastard-bitch born or even just bastard born who are mostly human? They die and they die young."

Lyssa wiped at the tears and took a breath to steady herself as she allowed Satan to loop an arm around her shoulders. "I was shown a better way to love and, while similar to ours, that is the one I will pursue with my children. Even if I die in childbirth, they will not be raised here. They would be treated the same as me growing up and the attacks would likely be worse because they would be less than a quarter in blood of being dragon."

"Whereas half-blood demons would be more protected, especially under your nine hell Lords," Imira said sadly and Lyssa nodded. "Dame will never agree and would likely interfere in the businesses of your hell ruler unless or until the boys were returned to us. She would absolutely take us public if they were her last link to you."

"It's why I am trying to get everyone to forge bonds now. It will ease things, especially if it was in my will in the first place and visitation could be established." As she said that, she took Satan's hand and brought it from her shoulder to her stomach.

He didn't know when he had taken his demon form, except that Imira was regarding him sadly and Lyssa wasn't looking at him. "You can't be angry forever, Tantan."

"Who the hell says I can't?" he asked, tears pricking at his own eyes. They were finally mending their fractured relationship and he was getting along with some of her family and she was planning for her death! "Didn't you tell Lord Diavolo you had no intention of dying and that you were planning to live?"

"I plan for it, want it, wish for it. That doesn't mean I will live," she sighed, splaying her fingers across his as one of the babies kicked. "And I need you for this, Tantan. If I am to die, you are the most logical of your brothers. You also have the most intimate tie besides Luci and Diavolo. One will be your brother and not just your nephew like to the others. He will need you unlike how he needs his uncles."

Imira was crying then, her expression resolute and still somehow fractured. "Ok, Lys. I'll help you plan for your death and protect the twins. What is your plan?"

"For you two to fall in love, or at least make a formal alliance of trust."

They looked at each other, suddenly realizing how much she had been pushing them together. The books they had shared in and the research they had done together at her request. The exchange of demon and dragon culture they had done had been bent on discussions of children, but they were realizing how much broader this woman had been looking.

"A united pair between a literal brother and an aunt could bind down issues of visitation between the realms," Satan muttered.

"It would...fall to us to make sure they were safe and our families would be expected to help," Imira added, giving Satan a glance over that made him blush. "Why us? Why not Matty and someone else? He'd have the power to protect them."

"Him, not both. I can only set this up for Lucian, Luci's child," she admitted and Satan guided her to a chair. And suddenly, her worries were so much more clear. She didn't want her boys to not be able to interact in the event of her death and she was binding down the only chance she had to make sure of that and offer protection to them both. It broke their hearts and made them winde themselves around her shoulders.

"It's too complicated because Diavolo has already expressed plans to make Damian his heir. He still has yet to be made king himself with his council of Lords and all their stupid plots. Damian might need to 'disappear' in order for Dia to ascend or hidden until he can. With my death, these are the best plans I can offer. The links between our families now will protect my children later, whether I am there or not. I am asking a lot of you two, but you are the most compatible I can think of." She thought for a second and then offered, "Mammon and Mazia have been fighting a lot even though I try and smooth things. They could work, but I don't imagine they will work until after my death or years later after I live."

"So, we're it, the only option you have, as an alternative to conflict," Satan said and she was crying and it twisted his heart.

"I'm sorry. There isn't a better way than this through what I consulted with our Seers," she said and her torment was apparent with the way she pressed their hands to her stomach. Everytime she did it, it was to establish bonds and feelings about the babies.

Lyssa didn't expect to survive the birthing, whatever she had assured Diavolo of. Dark wings and partial demon wings hugged her and she gave herself over to crying from the despair of it all.

[everybodyknows-everybodydies]

would love to hear more about your tes characters if you'd like to share :)

omg hello! well. since you asked!! adjusts my spectacles in a scholarly fashion. under the cut to save dash space!

Skyrim: Kharish gra-Shatul (Orsimer)

tall! buff!! femme!! ...who lives in Winterhold and so nobody ever gets to see the beef because of all the layers required by the cold :( (<-sad face mine bc I love women's muscles. she does not particularly care whether they are visible as long as they remain effective.) Kharish joins the College of Winterhold a few years prior to the game questline, first just as Urag's general assistant, then as the library's acquisitions specialist following the successful retrieval of a particularly interesting scrap of Shalidor's notes. she takes her position very seriously and has developed a correspondence with some other notable libraries (under the pen name "Violetta," because she's found some of her pen pals professional contacts are less likely to respond dismissively if the letter is not attached to an obviously Orsimer name). specializes primarily in alteration because it's useful for conservation of old texts, but knows her way around some conjuration as well. has a VERY BIG VOICE which is unfortunate in a library setting but she's working on it. trying very hard to learn how to tell a joke but just cannot get the hang of it. (Enthir has attempted to teach her some standard formulaic jokes but she laughs too hard to tell the punchline right.)

she also has an unrequited crush on Colette, who has no idea that's what's going on and is in fact convinced her life is being threatened every time Kharish looms awkwardly over her like HELLO MISTRESS MARENCE. AS I HAVE SOME UNOCCUPIED TIME I THOUGHT I WOULD COME TO HEAR YOUR LECTURE TODAY. I HAVE NO DOUBT IT WILL BE MOST ENLIGHTENING! and then stares at her from the back row of the classroom with a goofy smile and her chin in her hands.

her favorite color is blue :)

Kharish is not the archmage, which is probably best for all involved as she does not have the kind of interpersonal savvy required of a leadership/administrative position lol. Mirabelle survives (though never really fully recovers from the injuries sustained during questline events) and gets to be Archmage Ervine :')

Oblivion: Molly Cadoret (Breton)

Tamriel's least magical Breton. erstwhile barber hailing from Kvatch. having the worst time of her life. wears the Kvatch armor through everything and initially took it off the corpse of a cute lady guard who flirted with her sometimes... beat her first daedra to death with a rake in sheer panic and never really stopped the panicking part. because she's from Kvatch she never met the emperor and Baurus is the one given the imperial mandate to deliver the amulet and find the heir--he initially tries to sneak Martin out with the intent to send Blades reinforcements for the city, but Martin won't leave unless everyone in the chapel can and Molly in her (stolen? borrowed?) guard armor gets put on a small team of fighters sent into the gate to try to find how to close it. as the only survivor Baurus asks her to come with them so she can provide an account of what the interior of the gate looked like etc to the Blades. she does not understand how she keeps surviving the gates, surviving, surviving, surviving. Martin doesn't survive; why did she?

the door in Niben Bay is a gate, or close enough--she goes into it hoping, just a little bit, it might be the last one for her. and it is, but not for the reasons she expected. the first time she meets Sheogorath she offers to trim his beard for him in a panic (she's gotten very good at panicking by now). she doesn't pick up on the fact that she's being positioned as his successor until pretty late, at which point she has a lot of intense but mixed feelings. the passing of the torch, so to speak, leaves her with unprecedented control over her own mind at last, and being able to literally shut off the terror center of her brain means she sleeps all the way through the night for the first time since the destruction of Kvatch. she eventually loses herself to the mantle, but the tradeoff is she doesn't feel like a rabbit in a snare 24/7 anymore. it's... not the healthiest of recovery strategies (understatement of the era lol).

I named her after Molly Grue (my love...), and while she's a very different character I definitely was thinking a lot about the kinds of meta-narrative questions Molly Grue presents in the context of my Molly--specifically her choice to lose her own identity in mantling Sheogorath as a parallel to the Molly Grue/Maid Marian dichotomy + the desire to exchange the unfavorable reality for a beautiful dream (WHICH I am dutifully restraining myself from rambling about again as that's not really the question here).

Morrowind: Haldryn Elora (Dunmer)

trans lesbian. gap between her two front teeth. short twiggy lil thing with the wimpiest arms you ever saw. Haldryn (Hallie to her ma and her friends) was raised in Chorrol by an Argonian woman, Vakka-Ei (Sun-in-Her-Eyes), next door to an elderly gay Dunmer couple. her neighbors cheerfully answered whatever questions she has about Dunmer culture she had growing up--she loved stories about the Tribunal the most and considers herself fairly devout, though once she gets booted over to Vvardenfell she learns there's a lot more to... everything, and her attempts at home at acting out traditions and culture she didn't really know were (predictably) not quite the same. but it's a learning experience! and she is eager to learn! this is her big adventure!

she sees the golden ghost of Nerevar pretty regularly from a young age, though he doesn't say much and never introduces himself, so she refers to him as "the gold man." her ma assumes this is an Altmer imaginary friend, which she thinks is a little weird, but the whole thing seems harmless enough. he talks a little more as Hallie gets older, and she finds him standing silently over her shoulder many times throughout the events of the game. she grows to resent him--she gets the feeling sometimes, standing in front of the gods, that they don't really see her.

and, well, they don't.

the confrontation with Almalexia in particular absolutely shatters her. she primarily fights with a pair of bound daggers and doesn't summon them for the majority of this fight, desperately trying to say the right thing to fix it instead. she ends up summoning a pair of bound swords instead of daggers at exactly the wrong (or right?) moment.

she never sees Nerevar again after this. she wishes, very hard, she'd never seen him in the first place.

the only place I've really publicly shared art of them so far is on artfight (along with a bit more prose-y summaries) but I have,, a number of things in the art blog drafts waiting for the Right Time(TM). watch this space as they say!

[ijustkindalikebooks]

Ahh, the passing of time.

This year according to Goodreads I have read 437 books, at this point which feels wrong to leave it at but also I don't want to destroy my mental health before 2024, so I'm going to let it be.

Statistically, I think it's mostly novels, but also a mix of graphic novels, manga, poetry and children's books (because the art, don't skip on picture books!).

I will share my goodread stats soon, however this is my end of the year book tag, and if you have any questions feel free to ask, if you want recommendations, feel free too!

ARE THERE ANY BOOKS YOU STARTED THIS YEAR THAT YOU NEED TO FINISH?

I always finish books I like generally, but I wish I had finished 'The Cherry Robbers' by Sarai Walker. I liked it while reading it but I think I got to a lull in the book and it felt like work but I hear it's a great book so I want to go back to that, maybe listen to it instead.

DO YOU HAVE AN AUTUMNAL BOOK TO TRANSITION INTO THE END OF THE YEAR?

I think all books to me are transitional books to me, I wish I could read by season and mood but I just see a book and I read it. The books I have from the library are the ones I want to read for the rest of the year and into the new one. I am getting a few books for Christmas, so I might read them too, 'The Theory Of Everything Else' by Dan Schreiber, I know is on my wishlist for example.

IS THERE A NEW RELEASE YOU’RE STILL WAITING FOR?

I am waiting for Silverborn for Jessica Townsend, An Education In Malice by S.T. Gibson and The Mystery Guest by Nita Prose but I think they are all coming out next year and I have ARC's for two of these so I'm my own worst enemy really.

WHAT ARE THREE BOOKS YOU WANT TO READ BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR?

I have 'The Hurricane Wars' next to me and I've heard some good things, 'Aces Wild' which is a book about a group of asexuals planning a heist and I am here for that and I mentioned 'The Theory Of Everything Else' which will be an interesting read.

IS THERE A BOOK YOU THINK COULD STILL SHOCK YOU AND BECOME YOUR FAVORITE BOOK OF THE YEAR?

I know I'm reading a five star right now (Lost In The Moment And Found by Seanan Maguire) however the author always gives me a five star book so I'm not exactly shocked. I don't know, I want to be surprised by how good a book will be!

HAVE YOU ALREADY STARTED MAKING READING PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?

I am going to try and be more careful in my selections when reading. I know my reading taste now so much better and I would just pick things because others liked them or honestly, I am sometimes a cover buyer and so this time I'm going to read blurbs and find out if I would actually like it, and not someone I know would.

Also I would like to make a 'if I hate it, donate it' promise to myself.

What are your plans for the new year and reading? Let me know!

Vee xo

[sailorbadger]

re: my tags on this post, @psychicbluebirdmiracle wanted a list so here’s some of my favorite Robin Hood adaptations in no particular order:

Sidenote: most of these are either extremely niche and/or “you may think it’s bad but I think it’s good” because that’s just what my tastes are.

BBC’s Robin Hood: You all knew this one was going to be up here and if you didn’t, you haven’t been following me long enough. This is what gave birth to my brain worms. I’ve given a PowerPoint presentation about this which was three hours long. I have subjected other people to this show to the point that there is now a yearly celebration where we watch only one specific episode of this show and make memes about it. I am insufferable about this. The day I stop thinking about this show is the day I have lost all brain activity.

Back to Sherwood: I am once again reminding everyone that I have offered to exchange my firstborn child for the original English version of this show. The Vibes on this show are perfect and I will never forgive the people that cancelled it after only 13 episodes. Fun time-travel related hijinks? Sign me up.

Princess of Thieves: Who doesn’t love a Keira Knightley movie?

Disney’s Robin Hood: Listen, you just can’t go wrong with this one. Very solid all around. But there’s another reason I’m putting it on this list. My cousins (ages 6 and 4) were staying over with us on Easter and I put this movie on at one point to get them to sit down for a few minutes while my parents made lunch. My godson (the 6-year-old) asked me why I knew so much about what was going on in the movie and I explained that I watched it when I was young, and then my dad said that the movie is so old that he watched it when he was a child. It was a lovely inter-generational bonding moment over my special interest as my dad explained to my cousin about the different characters and how there’s a lot of different versions of the story.

Not really an adaptation but continuing from the last one, this YouTube video: Some of the best analysis on why most mainstream Robin Hood adaptations suck. This is why I mostly just like the versions that have good Vibes.

This soundtrack to a Swedish Robin Hood musical: I can’t even begin to explain how upset I am that I found out about this musical after it had already been cancelled due to the pandemic. I could have gone and seen it. There’s not even a DVD of it. At least we have the soundtrack which is full of bangers. Everything sounds as over-produced as you’d expect from the country that makes over-produced Eurovision songs, and I love every second of this. If you’re not going to listen to the whole thing, at least listen to Prince John’s song.

This even more obscure soundtrack to a Finnish Robin Hood play from 1997: Everything here is just Vibes. I wish I knew what the actual plot of the play was but these songs are great on their own. The fact that the singer from a famous Finnish band (Neon 2) sings a couple of the songs is just ?????A Choice???? but a perfect one at that.

Robin Hood: The Great Escape: My most vivid memories of listening to this play that’s a podcast is when my IBS was really bad and I was on the bathroom floor crying in pain, so I just put this on to distract me. Anyway, this one has good characters, interesting mix of different cultures and LGBT+ representation, and it all works seamlessly in a way that doesn’t feel forced. Definitely worth a listen.

Robin McKinley’s The Outlaws of Sherwood: I bought this book from my local library’s clearance about 15 years ago. It’s a solid fun adventure and that’s pretty much all I can say about it.

The Finnish opera adaptation of Robin Hood: The dogs in this are nightmare fuel and the whole thing is bordering on the “so bad it’s good” line. The lyrics are so weird at times, it’s awfully cringy sometimes but I love it so much. I own it on DVD and it has English subtitles so if anyone wants to watch it sometime let me know.

Carrie Vaughn’s The Ghosts of Sherwood and The Heirs of Locksley: I need a third part of this. These are a quick read, about 100 pages each, about the children of Robin Hood. And although the premise may sound cliché and childish, I swear these are so good and worth your time.

C.K. Brooke’s Marian: Princess Thief: Ah, yes, the “disappointingly heterosexual” one. Putting aside the fact that this book missed a great opportunity in making at least one of the characters gay, it has an amazing all-female-cast of characters (there’s a male love interest there too I guess, I don’t care about him). This book made me feel like how Sailor Moon made me feel in high school with it’s focus on the Power of Friendship.

That one Finnish audio drama that’s based on Finnemore’s version: Everyone sounds so horny in this one for some reason and the actual text is not helping. The theme song is a banger. It’s a shame the CDs were copy protected so I couldn’t rip the files for myself.

A black-and-white recording of a Finnish play from 1971: The fashion is so 70s it hurts my eyes. The songs are so bad. The plot is almost non-existent but I love every second of this. (I would have linked it but you can unfortunately only watch it in Finland)

The 2009 movie with a dragon in it?????: I don’t remember most of this except that it’s definitely in the “so bad it’s good” category. They just shouldn’t make high-budget versions of Robin Hood when low-budget productions are so much more entertaining.

Edale Lane’s Heart of Sherwood: I need to re-read this one because it had everything I could have asked for. A lesbian Robin Hood with a good story that was a fun adventure which still somehow made me very emotional. 10/10.

That one zoom-play on YouTube: I bought the novel that was made based on this play just because this was so entertaining. In a year I’ve only read about 20 pages of the book but the play was so good and at one point so full of twists I was staring at the screen with my mouth open for like 10 minutes.

I could probably include even more things from my List (I have a list where I collect all the different versions I’ve seen/read/listened to etc), but this is already too long and I ended up taking a few things out. I only included versions I’ve enjoyed the most but there’s still plenty of good ones out there.

[chromochaotic]

Reads of 2023 (so far)

I had fun doing my little write ups for the books I read in 2022 so I thought I'd do one for '23! update as of 4/19!

thoughts:

Book of Night

I got this book as a gift from a friend who I think really wanted someone else to talk about it with... 😂 So it was a very fun read! I've heard mixed things about this author, haha, but I do agree that she's SO GOOD at setting a scene—the same friend called her "the queen of ambiance." I think that extends to getting into her characters' heads, too, like she makes the psychology behind the characters' actions another very interesting part of the story.

I think I, personally, found the constant bad fortune raining down on the main character a little overwhelming. It does help emphasize what a survivor Charlie is, but it's interesting comparing it to something like Ninth House, where the MC is both a survivor but also someone who can put her trust in others & has moments of friendship, bonding, and protection to offset some of the doom and gloom.

Still, I was really into the emotional beats of the story... Holly Black had a few lines about longing for someone who's in front of you as if they're already gone that, like, oof. The characters really do shine in their moments (I esp. loved Balthazar and Odette, haha). Plus the prestige reveals of some of the cons that Charlie pulled off? Chef's kiss. (retroactively rating this based solely on my personal enjoyment: 3.5/5)

Ninth House

I already know I love this author's recent stuff, so it was exciting seeing how she handled a more modern setting and tone! One thing I appreciated was how she tackled themes on privilege in a way that felt more nuanced—like, the way magic in this world is just another form of power over others really came across, from a lot of different angles.

There were a few parts where it felt like the author (and editor) knew the setting and world so well, that they might have forgotten the reader is coming into this completely blind, and some of the logical leaps in mystery-solving feel sort of abrupt, haha. (Spoilers) I was also a little disappointed that the "big" mystery and "little" mystery of the story were only like, tangentially related?

But honestly, this world-building was a treat. I actively wanted to be where the characters were, exploring weird rituals and old libraries with them. I think having a main character who's an outsider the way Alex is, makes the dark academia more accessible—I would have been pretty uncomfortable if the story started out from Darlington's perspective right at the start. Also, like I said before, I appreciated the bonds that are featured in this story—Alex's scenes with Mercy and Dawes were maybe my favorite parts to read. (4/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters

Still working my way through these via B&N audio book credits! My thoughts are pretty much the same as the first book—cute story, lots of fun antics and adaptations of old myths for a younger crowd.

Not too much to complain about with this story, since it does what it sets out to do. I guess, there are some parts that didn't age great... There's a character who starts the story homeless and there's one tiny line about that being "good" for him, but that's me like digging for issues.

I will say, I liked how this book added some depth that we didn't get in book 1, with the idea of Hermes wanting to redeem his kid, and Clarisse getting a moment to shine. I'm probably overly-biased toward liking Clarisse, but, let her have her own book! Let her be the key to the whole story! It's what she deserves.

Working my way through Ninth House book 2 right now, and then I think the next TLT book, and maybe a lighter art book somewhere in between. 😅 Done w/ Hellbent & did two art books, one of which was especially short! lmao (3/5)

Hell Bent

On the plus side, this sequel felt like it didn't have to spend as much time on setup as the first book, and got to just dive into the juicy cliffhanger from Ninth House. The strong points are just like before—the captivating setting and shifting relationships between the characters.

Like with the first one, something about the pacing felt rushed now and then. Maybe I've forgotten how action-packed college was! I was also thinking about how like, even though I'm enjoying these stories, the cast of characters won't stick with me quite like the gang from SoC did. That's probably just an effect of SoC being a much more ensemble-based story, while Alex has to "carry" a lot more of this on her own...

So a lot rides on Alex as a character, I guess, and... it's hard to pin down if I like her, honestly! I definitely sympathize with her, and appreciate how the author explores questions around justice and... power dynamics (?) through her. I ATE UP the backstory we got of Dawes, Turner, and Tripp, though—would've loved even more of them getting to shine, instead of it seeming like they were sort of useless. Ohh, the last thing I'll say is, the imagery set up right at the end, between Alex and Darlington? MMMMM chef's KISS (3.5/5)

Chris Schweizer's Drawings & Other Art 2017 - 2021

I'm trying to piece together my thoughts on this art book, other than being intimidated out of my mind by this guy's life and knowledge and skill. Haha. I bought this last year at Dragon Con; I always like seeing what this artist has at his booth, and really love his sense of design. It was cool trying to pick out patterns in how he handles different things, like textures and facial features.

All this book was meant to be was a collection of art... But I would be super interested in something that was more of a deep-dive on a single piece he did, like seeing what references he uses, maybe notes on how he chooses what to simplify and what to render in detail. I guess that's probably on his socials...?

Anyway, I want to like, shrivel up and die with envy over every technique he's honed to perfection, but like... really I just gotta get back into practice! (he's also apparently a huge history buff, and great musician, and I'm just like........... how...... but maybe I could be that way in a decade or two, who knows) (4/5)

Naomi Vandoren's Light through the Pages

Another art book from dragon con! This one was shorter than Chris', but still a nice read. Naomi's work and little write-ups are very soothing to just page through. Since this was the 2020-based collection of art (I also bought the one for 2021, which I'll probably read soon...), it was interesting to read the page about staying inspired in the midst of the ol' Panny Devito.

Again, this book was just meant to be a selection of pieces, and did its job... I'd always like more process exploration, though, haha—I was sort of surprised at how much of this book was just finished pieces. It also kind of felt a little too advertise-y to me.

In any case, love this artist's work, especially her color palettes and way of doing backgrounds/landscapes. Oh, to have the patience to do watercolors... (3/5)

Nona the Ninth

Back at it again with the most heart-breakingly romantic necromancers alive (and dead). I think what I love most about this series and this particular installment is how well it captures that haunting, ephemeral feeling of old, old tragedies and ancient, powerful beings that are still human. I keep thinking of the moment Nona is so gratefully happy to be alive because of the magnanimous love she has for her family, while hunched in the ruins of a decaying city on a polluted, arid planet... and the slow horror of reading the John chapters.

I think my toothpick-sized bone to pick with the series is still the show-don't-tell balance—I heard NtN's simplicity (in the beginning) was possibly due to feedback that the first 2 installments were too hard to follow. I almost ended up thinking this veered too much in the other direction, until the last few chapters hit and everything goes off the rails again. I don't know, they're wild books, and in the end I've enjoyed that aspect of them... plus, there's such a perfect curl of dread whenever you spot an offhand detail that doesn't sit quite right so now you have to Think About it. But also, I'm So Tired All The Time, and when I finally have time to read, I know I'm missing things but just don't have the energy to go back and forth checking details and looking up meta analysis. There's something to be said for books that you don't have to be experienced with graduate level research to enjoy, haha.

Still, these are for sure going to end up being some of my favorite reads. I was wrong before, what I actually love most about the series are the characters. Nona is so right for finding every little mannerism of her friends endearing—I love every little no-nonsense bit of affection from Camilla and humble, brilliant quip from Palamedes, and freaky twin love hate Thing between Corona and Ianthe, and Gideon, Gideon with the "get in line, thou big slut." Queen. King. Perfection. Adoration. I'm a Gideon apologist I guess, oops. (5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan's Curse

lmao after that long review... Another PJO down! The cross-country/sea travel in each of these is a delight, I'm glad that's stayed consistent. I've actually been to some of the places in this one, like the Smithsonian and Hoover Dam, although we didn't do the whole tour there and now I want to.

My only baby complaint this time is I feel like Dionysus gets done so dirty... It's a creative take, I guess, compared to the more recent trend of making him Chaotic Good Wine Uncle, but stillllllll. On the upside, Apollo in this book? I yelled at his "wait I feel a haiku coming on". King.

I'm kind of excited to see where the author goes with whether or not Percy will be able to forgive/empathize with Luke in the end. The author's done a good job making Percy just a good ol all-american teenage boy, and the jealousy he feels when it comes to Annabeth and Luke, in a normal rom-com, seems like it would just result in some epic feel-good victory for Percy... I'm hoping things go a little differently with this. Also, I was a sucker for the bit with Zoe and the constellation. (3/5)

McMullen Circle

Picked up this book from one of those "blind date with a book" shelves at a cute store in Asheville. The blurb described it as a collection of short stories, set in the late 60s, and "boarding school in the North Georgia Mountains", and I was sold. It turned out a little different than expected... I enjoyed the nature-focused writing, which was very serene and bittersweet. The variety of stories and straightforward way they handle each character's flaws was also refreshing, in a way. There're no perfect characters in this, but that's kind of the point.

I was a little disappointed the collection wasn't the romantic little mix of Appalachia and Dark Academia I was hoping for, but that's more the blind-date-blurb's fault. The only other thing that kind of skeeved me out was that sexuality only got portrayed negatively, and that happens right out of the gate in the first short story, but it only comes up briefly after that.

My favorite piece was "Twilight Song"—literally broke into tears at the final few lines. It's about an elderly lesbian couple caring for each other in their old age, and how they got through dark times to have a sweet life together. A few stories touch on other hardships, like poverty, PTSD, and racism, and always handle it in a way that feels pretty sensitive. (4/5)

Taking a break for work and fanfic for a bit now, I think.

Manywhere

Trying to come up with a good Positive-Negative-Positive sandwich... except I didn't particularly like this one. It was another short story collection, and it focused on queer characters generally in the US south, but only the first one really compelled me thematically. It examined the relationship between presentation and privacy and packed a lot dynamism in that short format.

Most of the stories just felt repetitive, though, even with all the variety in setting and character—like generally dour, mean-spirited takes on people's character, and I probably sound naive in that, but hey this is my review and I am quite unfortunately an optimist at heart. I'm not one to dismiss unpleasant stories outright, but so many of the chapters seemed to make pain and regret and rejection the whole point.

Thinking about it a little more, I guess it could lead to some interesting discussion of the desperation for acceptance that comes with being queer in the communities the book focused on. And I'll give it to the author, again, for including some well-researched, incredible variety in terms of characters and setting. Gave this book away to a friend who might have more skill at parsing meaning from it, and we'll see if that leads to a change of heart on my side. (2/5)

American Born Chinese

I first read this when I bought it back in... high school? This impulse re-read happened after seeing the trailer for a show coming out based on the story (and also, right after the EEAAO Oscars sweep). I've aged out of the target audience, haha, but I still like the balance the author strikes between complex storytelling/themes, and an appealing simplicity.

It'll be interesting to see how the story is adapted... Some of the stereotypes the book tackles were so intentionally offensive, I could totally see the satire being misunderstood if it's not handled carefully.

Anyway, nothing bad to say about this one! Like the other YA stuff I'm reading, it's stood the test of time for a reason. Plus, you can tell how personal this story is to the author, and it means a lot that he's shared it with the world in this way. (4/5, but just bc the YA simplicity keeps it from 5/5)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Battle of the Labyrinth

Still chugging through these... Same pros and cons as before! I do feel like, as the tone gets darker with each of these, the quirky modern twists (Dedalus using a laptop! Sphinxes giving standardized tests!) make the serious moments a little too stark, haha. Like, geez, the stuff with Pan was... sure something.

This book did some odd stuff with the romance plot(s)... It felt to me like Annabeth was done dirty for the sake of keeping Percy/the character dynamics clean. Nothing worse than other YA stories from this time, but, maybe typical of it. Also, while all the PJO books break that Pixar rule of "coincidence can get you into trouble but not out of it" (and again, for this genre it's fine), this installment felt like the worst culprit of it so far.

I did enjoy keeping tabs on my fav characters, though. I've ofc added Nico to my roster of poor little meow meow boys, balancing out Clarisse being added to my Angry Power Fantasy Daughters, and each of them got scenes I really enjoyed this time around. Also, props to these stories for pulling out mythical monsters that seem like very deep cuts—the series started with references I mostly caught, like harpies and the fates, but now we're getting to telekhinese (???) and empusai...?? Hell yeah! (3/5)

Anyway. Thought it'd be fun to note, too, that I caught up on The Lackadaisy Cats comic at this point, which has been a delight. Very tempted to buy some sort of art book or patreon tier, bc that style is to die for.

continued in a part 2 post... to be linked?

[lilmackiereads]

HOLDING UP THE UNIVERSE (2016) BY JENNIFER NIVEN - SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW

Overall Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

This week I finished Holding Up the Universe (2016) by Jennifer Niven. I found it in a Little Free Library near my parents’ house and the title and dual cover art struck me as interesting. Without reading the jacket description I took it home and devoured it within a couple days. If you haven’t read this book yet, but plan to, head to my page and read my Spoiler Free Review instead! 

The narration goes back and forth between the two lead characters, Jack – a teenage boy with prosopagnosia (a neurological disorder that makes it difficult to recognize and remember faces), and Libby — an overweight teenage girl who has been homeschooled throughout middle school due to immense weight gain from the grief of her mother’s unexpected death. This story kind-of follows the Enemies to Lovers trope, but I don’t really feel like they were ever enemies, rather they just misunderstood each other.

Beware, we now go into spoiler territory. 

Character Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Libby was my favorite because she is so courageous and fun! I think Niven really nailed what a teenage girl thinks like and what anxiety feels like. I think Libby and I would get along because she loves to read and watch sci-fi/fantasy shows. I’m not much of a dancer, but I would love to join her dance club! 

Jack I also like, but he would be hard for me to get along with in person with his jerk-persona he puts on to keep other people away. I mean he’s pretty handsome so maybe I could look past it and be “the one to change him” like Libby. Haha. I do love the relationship he has with his little brother, Dusty, and I think his internal monologue and notes are hilarious. I think after he sees that Libby, Dusty, and a male side character are getting bullied he becomes a much braver person and that’s when I started to genuinely like him. His transformation, cocky attitude, and incredible curly hair, reminds me a lot of Patrick Verona from 10 Things I Hate About You (1999). If they make a movie, I need Jack to be a total H-O-T-T-I-E.

I like that Libby is not your “typical” Mary Sue beauty that so many teen romance novels have. I have never read a book from the perspective of a young woman of her size (300 to 600lbs+ over the course of the book). While Eleanor and Park (2012) by Rainbow Rowell features a teen who is a little overweight and not your average beauty, Niven choosing to make Libby “America’s Fattest Teen” is really committing to showing what life is like for someone who has experienced emotional and physical grief for a big portion of her life and how society treats that person and their relationships. Also, there are not a lot of books out there that feature someone of mixed race as the lead, such as Jack who has a white dad and a black mom. I think it’s interesting how he and his brothers are described as looking very different and how their appearance somewhat influences how other characters treat them.

While I adored Dusty, and Libby’s two main friends, Bailey and Rachel, I think many of the other side characters were not super memorable. Iris and Jayvee and Libby’s dad were ok, but most of the other side characters didn’t make much of an impact in my opinion (or have a lot of growth) which perhaps is part of the point. I can’t tell if Niven did this on purpose to show that not everyone grows out of their high school phase/ is not as special and mature as Libby and Jack or if she just didn’t know how to make the side characters dimensional.

Plot Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

I had many scenes that I adored as well as others that completely horrified me. 

Adored:

*Libby flaunting her body-ody-ody in her purple bikini at school and Libby’s bravery on page 310:

*Libby saying “no” to the Damsel’s dance team after they asked her to lose weight to become a member of the team... and then starting her own dance group!

*Libby and Jack’s first date and dance at Clara’s pizzeria. The restaurant itself sounds fun. I would totally go there!

*References to quotations and scenes as well as plot parallels to We Have Always Lived in the Castle (1962) by Shirey Jackson, “The Crucible” (1953) by Arthur Miller and To Kill a Mockingbird (1960) by Harper Lee.

*Jack’s notes about being the kid of a parent with cancer and building robots.

*Dusty and his purse <3 

*The Shitkicker robot with its OWN purse! <3 <3

Horrified:

*Jack accidentally making out with his girlfriend’s cousin... twice.

*Jack taking Libby on a date out of town. It still wasn’t 100% clear to me if he was trying to surprise her or trying to avoid being seen with her.

*The game “Fat Girl Rodeo” --- this stressed me out because I had never heard of it and I don’t really like being touched. I never really thought about how awful people make up games about peoples’ weight and that some jackass would hear about it and think that it was a good idea to copy it. That would be my fear about this book becoming a movie is that if they showed it in the trailer people would see it out of context and it could become an awful TikTok trend. 

I figured at some point that Jack hiding the fact that he knows about Libby’s former title as “America’s Fattest Teen” and that he snuck into her house the day she was rescued from her home would come back to bite him. But whether it be him revealing the truth about stealing the book and magnet on purpose or accidentally I wasn’t sure. What I didn’t put together until the end is that Libby had always been curious about Jack, too, when she realized that he and his brothers were the brothers she imagined being friends with and called “Dean, Sam, and Cas” after her favorite characters from Supernatural. This threw my right back to my teenage years as I was obsessed with them in high school.

Cover Art: 5 out of 5 stars

While you should not judge a book by its cover, the cover art for this story is amazing. The blue paint schmears are very symbolic as how Jack sees people in his life while the blue marble is how he sees Libby. The marble also reminds me of Men in Black (1997) when the whole universe fits inside the keychain on the cat’s collar. When you take off this paper jacket to reveal the hard cover, the book is a beautiful baby blue with silver text and a sparkly heart. This book has a lot of love in it and is just very cute. I think I will take the paper cover off and leave it in my bookshelf with the baby blue and silver text instead because it is more eye-catching than the white book jacket with blue and black design in my opinion.

Reread-ability: Possibly!

Due to the fact that I read this book so quickly, I obviously liked it. However, it doesn’t beat my favorite three favorite teen love stories, The Fault in Our Stars (2012) and Turtles All the Way Down (2017) by John Green and Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda (2015) by Becky Albertalli, the three of which made me laugh and cry. HUTU made me laugh and get a bit sad at points, but not enough to actually cry. Perhaps if there was a film version of it then the visuals might be enough to do it for me.

I do want to keep it in my bookshelf in case I have kids, or a movie is made of it because I think it has a really good anti-bullying message and would be good for people to read to open up their world, especially for people who are prejudice against heavyset, racial, or disability differences. I don’t know if this book would lessen their prejudice, but I hope it would at least stir a little emotion.

[shadowetienne]

More Pentagon songs thoughts as I apparently fall into this pit several years late, courtesy of @seohotonin who is enabling this (I hope you’re OK with me continuing to do these as posts, I’m enjoying having them for my own music documentation):

Spring Snow, Precious Promise (to universe), Beautiful Goodbye, Just Do It Yo, Alien, Summer, Till..., Camellia, Asteroid , Die For You, The Black Hall, Talk

Under a cut because this ended up being long.

Spring Snow

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

This song is beautiful! I am really liking their sort of pop rock vocal focused songs is what I’m seeing here. I also just like the lyrical imagery of the song.

Precious Promise (to universe)

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

The vocals on this are beautiful, and the song is so sweet and soft. What is keeping me from absolutely loving it is some of the rap parts throwing it off for me as a whole (we have identified this problem for me already).

Beautiful Goodbye

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

We’ve got harmonies and call and response in the beautiful vocals for this. I am immediately into this! I really like the Yannan and Shinwon call and response then harmony part especially! Do I just have like 4 biases in this group though now, maybe. I continue to really like Hongseok and Yeo One’s voices as well through this.

Just Do It Yo

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

This doesn’t catch me as hard as some of the others, but I like it quite a bit! I really like the way Shinwon’s voice is used in this song. It’s a fun song overall, and catchy!

Alien

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

I... I’m confused? I love parts of this song! Yeo One and Hongseok harmonies, Yeo One and Yannan harmonies! Hui’s voice in general, honestly the four vocals that I appear to be really into in general through this. But then there are places where the song is suddenly different (the whistle blow and rap after threw me for a loop), and it yells at me, and I don’t like that (I legit flinched when the shout part happened). So, mixed review on this one from me.

Summer

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

I like this a lot! The rap flows well into the song as a whole, and Hongseok and Yannan’s parts especially stand out to me as really suiting them and being so good! Also Yeo One’s part towards the end! Hui is as always one of my favorite vocalists here. This is really like relaxing as a sound.

Till...

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

Ballad subunit, you have my attention immediately! I love Yeo One’s voice in this, it’s absolutely stealing the show for me! This really suits Yannan and Hongseok as well. I really appreciate Shinwon’s voice in this context. Overall, excellent song, very much my vibe. I love ballads in general (as long as I am here for the voices). Ooooh, that Yeo One and Jinho harmonization!

Camellia

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

I found myself missing where Yannan’s voice might have fit in this. The song is good, and I really enjoy my usuals who are here, and the bits of harmonization. I felt like some of the rap parts took a little bit of the steam out of the song for me, and I wanted it to build a little bit more into a resolution, but it’s nice to listen to and I enjoyed it! I think that it didn’t hold up super well right after “Till...” for me.

Asteroid

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

Another one that is a little bit confusing for me. The sound that they use in the non-vocal parts is, huh, not quite my thing and doesn’t go with a lot of the vocal flavor of the song for me. Missing Yannan’s voice again here. I like some of the vocal parts quite a bit, but I think it’s not my song.

Die For You

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

We were at “ok I really like this” and then there was the weird distortion noise over part of it, and wow that is a sound I don’t like. I still like the song as a whole pretty well, but that one sound knocked it down a notch for me. Also, still missing Yannan’s voice. Love Hui and Hongseok and Yeo One’s vocals (is anyone surprised at this point). This is one of the first times that Kino has done something vocally that I really appreciated (his part right at the end is really nice, I don’t dislike his voice other times, I’ve just not usually got strong feelings about it).

The Black Hall

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

I like the soundscape of this a lot! It’s got this interesting floating background sound going on that is nice. Really loving my usuals who are here, appreciate Shinwon’s voice here quite a bit. Still missing Yannan’s voice (is anyone surprised).

Talk

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library 

Really appreciating Hui, Hongseok, and Yeo One’s voices in this (I’m predictable). I actually liked Yuto’s rap here, so that’s new! I am not generally terribly rap inclined, and mostly I’ve liked Wooseok’s rap tone the best in the group, but whatever Yuto was doing here worked for me. Still missing Yannan’s voice, I think that’s going to be a problem for me for this album in general.