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[robotrebelranch]

it'd be swell if tumblr like . didn't remove the option to view videos that are processing . so you don't have to guess

[kanmom51]

JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions.  Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

2017 - Part 3

Ooh, we have reached a major event here.  Serendipity. 4 September 2017, or is it 1 September 2017 (??), as I will explain bellow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMaH9Sm3lQ&t=16s .  

Or what I like to call:  JM’s love ode to JK.

Now tell me this: If Jimin’s song Serendipity was released 4th September 2017, and uploaded to BangtanTv on 5th September 2017, why is the date stamped on the MV 1 Sep 2017? 

 Does that date mean something? Let me think for a second….oh, it does, doesn’t it?  It’s someone’s birthday !!!

JM tells us himself: “All of this isn’t just a coincidence”.

Serendipity is a beautiful love song, and I honestly believe it is JM’s love ode to JK, a birthday present to his love.  

I am aware that Jimin is not the one who wrote the lyrics for the song.  RM did though.  RM, that at this point was very much aware of the relationship and JM’s great love for JK. RM that had written JK’s Begin, a song that everyone agrees is a very personal song of JK’s.  

The “I am you, you are me” line actually originated from a song released by Zico in early 2016.  There are theories that Jikook used a reference from that songs MV (the band aids on their fingers) during a Puma fan sign on April 2nd 2016.  So, if this is true and the line had special meaning for them to start with, and it found it’s way into the song lyrics... feel free to make your conclusions...

And although we have no way of knowing just how involved JM was in the process of writing this song (did he ask for a love song? Did he give ideas to insert into the song, like destiny, not being a coincidence, the cat?), but at the end of the day, JM ‘owns’ the song, believes in what he is singing.  When he talks about the song you can feel the emotional personal connection he has with the song.  This is his song,  and he sings it for JK.  And JK knows this is Jimin’s gift to him.  

Serendipity related, check out the 18th September Dance with DNA Vlive -  https://www.vlive.tv/video/42069 .

JK’s reaction when JM says Serendipity is his favourite song.  So cute. The thing with this one is that you could easily overlook it or not read too much into it. Only Suga’s reaction here is the tell all.  

At the point that JK is acting all shy and smiley to himself, Suga moves closer to him, whispering “Jungkookah”, something that brings on a change to JK’s entire facial expression.  There’s even a slight head nod from Suga when JK wipes the smile off his face.  

Suga hinting to JK not to be so obvious, only made it more obvious.  I also noticed that just before JM starts singing Serendipity, just after he was asked what his favourite song from the album is, JK looks sideways to Suga, as if he knows he isn’t supposed to react too obviously – looks a bit like little JK might have been scolded or reigned in prior to the live broadcast.    Remember that this is really quite a short time after the song’s release, so JK’s excitement, happiness, is still really fresh.  The song is for him, and it’s JM’s favourite...

I am not going to analyse the MV, but there are many who have done so before me.  Was JM involved in the planning and did he have any input to the choices made?  Idk.  There is a similarity to the motif of the DNA MV. Is it a coincidence that the dominant colour used is JK’s favourite colour? Who knows. But doesn’t the song say “all of this is not a coincidence”?

Add to that JM starting to use the paw print emoji by JK’s name on Twitter?  A coincidence? Mmm… interesting.

From this point on it is clear that “you are me, I am you” is a JM and JK thing. 

21 September 2017 BTS comeback show.  JK was in charge of putting together each of the members DNA.  Very enjoyable.  But why did JM have to mention again that JK comes to their room to sleep?  Also, how does JK know that JM doesn’t wake up Hobi when he is playing games late at night?  JM telling us how he now learnt how to play games – then what games was JM good last year (re: Vlive 22 April 2017)?

22 September 2017 Love Yourself fan sign– JM singing Serendipity, JK joining in.  How happy JM looks when JK sings “just let me love you” with him all while making eye contact with each other at that point. The way JM looks at JK while singing the song.  Singing to him.  

Still think Serendipity is not JK and JM’s song?

They have a way of looking at one another that sometimes make me feel like I’m intruding on a very intimate moment.

24 September 2017 SBS Inkigayo Super concert – found it!!!  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb-_jkdxgh4 start watching at 3.36min.

This is the one I remembered, where JM, saw the need to grab JK’s butt, run his hand up and down his back side, right through the crack, repeatedly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7fv0CaQT9M start watching 11:30min , JM walks to his place past JK, lightly brushing his hand against JK.  

When I mention the brushes or light touches – this is what I mean (see attached photos).   Obviously, there will be those who say it wasn’t intentional, that he was walking by him and didn’t mean to touch him.  I say bollox to that (excuse the language).  

First, there was plenty of room not to walk so close to JK.  Second, if you notice, he circles JK only to make it back to the same actual side he was on to begin with.  All he had to do was back up, just like JK did, and not circle JK to make it to his place on stage.  Third, to me it looks as if he was aiming to touch JK’s hand, only it was too high up.

26 September SBS MTV The Show.  Happy happy boys.  

30 September 2017  Love Yourself fan sign Sinchon –  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMIdoK9rfAI .  

Another one I was looking for.  I have seen this moment and wasn’t sure where or when it was from.  This is one of those clips Jikook’s use to show Jimin being jealous, and to be honest, first time I saw it it made me wonder too.  But watching it again and again, I have come to the conclusion that that wasn’t the issue.  

To me this is more JM being protective than JM being Jealous.  Setting the boundaries for V when it comes to JK, and it is something we see with JM more than once.  

JM wasn’t happy.  V wasn’t happy.  Boundaries were set.  

I actually wrote a separate post about this moment.  

1 October 2017 BTS live – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwU-NOMLvqQ 

Tipsy JK must be a Jikooker. His guard is down, inhibitions are gone and he becomes really chatty and tends to say and do things that he most likely regrets later on.  We didn’t see the members drink what seemed to be alcohol, but the vibe I got from JK’s talkativeness and behaviour during the live was that he was tipsy.  Not outright drunk, but tipsy.

To the fan’s request to show his abs, JK starts checking himself out, looking under his T-shirt, only to be scolded by JM to keep it to himself.  This is also the first time we hear him Jikooking, talking about eating with Jin and JM, referring to them as Jin-jikook, and then turning to JM, while the others try to call them by another name (I wonder why…).  Did I not say tipsy JK is a Jikooker???

3 October 2017 Run BTS episode 22.  https://www.vlive.tv/video/43438 start 7.00min.

JM turns to JK asking him to vote for him.  The softness in JM’s voice when he asks him acting all coquettish.  The way JM approached JK and the way he spoke to him, that’s not the way someone talks to his mate, or to his ‘brother’.

There was a softness in the approach to JK.  coquettish is the only way I can describe it.

 Love hearts were added by the show’s editors, not me !!!! 

12 October 2017 BTS countdown. Can be found on Dailymotion. 

All JM had to say was one word – Jungkookah and JK, surprisingly (not) chose him.  The look of joy on their faces at that point.  And again the editors with the heart emoji effects.  Uhm… 

JM and JK’s team was the team chosen by the fans, and guess what song they both choose to sing, as JM piggy backed JK? Their song obviously… Serendipity.  

And yet again, JM gets to tell us JK comes to his room to sleep.  We hear you JM.  We hear you.

Jimin birthday surprise (BangtanTV 1 November 2017) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aAhNAl53ZY.

JM gets flowers sent from his father.  J-Hope and Suga pretend JM’s dad has arrived to surprise JM, Suga pointing and saying he saw him.  JK slowly backs up, shocked and alarmed smile on his face, trying to move behind RM.  Then the boys start laughing.  

Now, why do I think this is a moment worthy of my timeline?  Well, when the boys start laughing, revealing it was a joke, the one Suga points at, laughingly, is JK.  

The whole thing feels like a joke on JK, not JM.  JK is the one being teased.   Why would JK be so stressed out from JM’s dad being there?  And why would the boys be teasing him like that? Hm…

The funny thing is that the camera is on JK and Suga, not on JM, who was supposedly just told his father was there. That feels slightly strange to me. Wouldn’t they want to catch JM’s reaction? Not JK’s?

28-30 October 2017 JK and JM Tokyo trip together.  This trip was long anticipated by JM.  He had been looking forward for his trip with JK for a long time.  It was a private trip planned and paid for by JK as a gift for JM.  What we know about the trip is mostly what they tell us in retrospect.  

Saying that, this was truly a memorable trip for them both, and they both can’t seem to shut up about it, talking about it at any possible moment.  JK telling us how JM stayed up (only JM?) until 5 am, so they both woke up at 12pm and missed out on plans they had for the morning, JM tells how they went shopping in Harajuku, how during their trip was the longest walk they took, referring to their trip during interviews.  As I mentioned – a memorable trip.  

31 October 2017 - When returning from the trip JM posts a selca/selfie.  I know I said I won’t be doing this, but rules are sometimes meant to be broken, and this specific selca is gorgeous, so…

BTS Wings tour Japan documentary - filmed October 2017, published 12 November 2017 - https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7sz5rq .  

Both acting cute together. For some reason, they are the only ones that are paired for the one on one interviews, when Suga, Jin and Hobi were all interviewed by themselves. 

 Felt like JM and inhibitions were strangers during the group interview.  

Not really sure what JM was searching for in JK’s thigh during the group interview (when V was talking) – tupping, fingering and squeezing JK’s thigh.  And yet again RM and J-Hope’s reactions to die for.  Hobi eyes on the action throughout the whole episode, and RM when he notices, I would pay a lot of money to know what was going through his head at that point.  My educated guess is: “God, please get me out of here, why did I agree to be the leader????” LOL.

Then when asked what their impressions were when coming to the dome, JM tells how JK was crying, all while caressing JK’s ear.  JK tells how he was emotional, and they look at each other.  All the while, RM’s face when JM touches JK’s ear, only to continue to place his hands on their shoulders respectively.

JM continues to surprise, telling viewers to anticipate for JK’s sweat.  The minute he says that, RM turns to look towards Suga, the vibe I get is: “god, please help me here…”.  

Then JM goes on to tell us how in his opinion JK’s sweat is beautiful, Holy water.  What???? J-hope repeats JM’s Holy water, then glances for just a second towards RM and looks down nervously – great save Hobi.

The group interview was shot on JM’s birthday.  Maybe that had something to do with his good un-inhibited mood.

8 November 2017 – GCF in Tokyo - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrTNLkqGrlc  .

While the Tokyo trip was JK’s birthday gift or JM.  GCF Tokyo is JK’s love ode to JM.  

One of JK’s grand gestures.  Up there with RB, as far as I am concerned.

This is not an analysis of GCFT, but I do have a few words to say on the matter. Explain why in my eyes this is a JK’s love ode to JM.  

This video was filmed and edited by JK, and JK alone.  It supposedly documents their trip together.  It was his choice and his alone to edit and publish this video and did so to JM’s surprise.  

In the video to start with, he lets us know that it’s the two of them, but from there on, other than seeing JK through the mirrors in the elevator while he is filming JM, the one we mostly see is JM.  JM smiling, JM goofing around, JM eating, JM enjoying himself on the Tea Cup ride at Disneyland, JM walking, JM dancing, and as a whole just JM having the time of his life. For a video that is documenting a trip to Tokyo, there is not too much of Tokyo we get to see.  

The end credits name JK as the photographer, director and editor, while naming JM as the actor.  

There is a strong romantic vibe to the video.  

JK’s editing choices, including his music choice for the video are well thought out.  His choice to edit to the beat of the song.  All cleverly thought out to accentuate both the footage and the lyrics of the song he chose:  ‘There for you’ by Troye Sivan and Martin Garrix.  

JM told us already: “this is not a coincidence”.  

The level of preparation from JK, acquiring the rights to use the song, the amount of time it took to go over the footage and edit the video, all while managing to do that will a full working schedule (working throughout the night). This was clearly something big for him.  His joy and pride when it was uploaded to Youtube, clearly showed, him smiley and dancing.

2 days prior to GCFT, on 6 November 2017, JM published his short clip of the trip.  JM too took the time to edit a cute footage of the trip, documenting both of them having fun. Putting them both side by side only emphasizes the difference and showcases just how much GCFT was all about JM, being JK’s love ode to JM.

To be continued...

[alisonsfics]

reconnected

pairing: shawn mendes x reader

request: “hello. i was wondering if you could write where y/n and shawn met at school or on vine or idk at a coffee shop. both of us were young new artists and bonded over that. as both of us start getting popular we lose contact. a few years later we decide to collab on a song and that rescinds a spark of friendship and maybe something. but of course, I wanted to at a bit of drama. while you try to catch up on, you know life, the paparazzi are sure you two are together, shawn's ex is stringing up trouble and all your friends and family keep on bothering you two about each other” - @iwishiwasyuri

word count: 2.7k

It had been a peaceful day. You had woken up early and started a day of productivity. You were currently drinking a cup of tea and replying to a few business emails.

It was peaceful. Birds were singing outside. It was early, and it felt like the world was not awake yet. This moment of serenity almost felt like the calm before the storm.

Then, your phone buzzed and shook your desk in the process. You were taken out of your thoughts.

You glanced down at the lit screen. You noticed a text message had popped up on your screen.

Woah.

You hadn’t seen that name in years.

Shawn.

Shawn Mendes.

You and Shawn had known each other for years. You both bonded over being singers and the rest was history.

You two had a beautiful story, much like a fairytale. The way you both met felt like a page out of a novel.

You had been at your local coffee shop, way before you had become successful in the music industry world.

It was back when you uploaded videos of yourself singing covers on YouTube. It was simple and seemed mediocre now, but at the time you loved it. You were singing all the time and it was your dream, even though you made virtually no money. You still loved it.

You jumped up into the seat at the high table. You pulled out your laptop to edit your most recent video. You sipped on your warm latte. It made you feel warm and cozy, as opposed to the freezing weather outside.

You plopped your headphones over your ears and started to edit the video. Within seconds, you heard a voice talking over your shoulder.

“So you’re a singer?” The voice asked. You jumped, almost managing to fall out of the chair. You felt a pair of strong arms catch you and keep you from falling.

Finally, you got a chance to look at the source of the voice. You had been prepared for it to be some creepy guy, but you were wrong.

So wrong.

The guy was cute and had the most perfect smile. You were speechless. You froze, and your brain shut off.

“Hi, uh sorry about that. I’m Shawn. It’s just, your headphones are unplugged. I was going to tell you and I realized it was you singing. I’m sorry I scared you” he said, kindly. You had to pinch yourself to realize this was all real. “I...uh hi. I’m Y/N. I was just zoned out, it’s not your fault. But hi, I’m Y/N” you rambled.

His smile made your stomach do flips. You felt like you were on a rollercoaster.

“Yeah, you said that already” Shawn said, chuckling. It was endearing. He wasn’t laughing at you, he was just amused by the cute girl who was stuttering over her words.

You didn’t know it then, but he thought you were adorable.

You thought the exact same thing about him.

The story went on. You two became great friends. You never got the courage to mention your little crush on him, but time went on.

As you both got busier, you started to drift apart. Eventually you just stopped talking. Any time you heard his songs on the radio or saw an article about him, it just pulled on your heart strings.

But now he was texting you.

Hey, Y/N. I know it’s been a while, well maybe longer than a while. It feels like forever. Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up and talk. I really miss you

You were stunned. You could barely comprehend what you were reading.

It felt like a crazy dream, and you were about to wake up any second now.

You picked up your phone and tried to come up with a reply. It was harder than you thought it would be. How did you put years worth of feelings into just a few sentences?

Hi! It has been forever, I miss our late night runs for ice cream. I would love to hang out and catch up. I want to hear about all that I’ve missed. I hope you’re doing well!!

You pressed send and your heart leaped out of your chest. You could hear your heart thumping in your ears.

As you sat there waiting for a reply, it felt like years. In reality, it was probably five minutes.

Then, your phone dinged.

Awesome! You want to come over to my place in like an hour?

You almost jumped out of your chair. You couldn’t believe you were finally going to see Shawn after all these years. You sent a quick reply and then headed to your closet to get dressed.

You grabbed some clothes to change into and then proceeded to change your outfit four more times. Finally, you had settled on the best option. You checked the clock and saw that it was time to go.

You grabbed your phone and your keys and then headed to Shawn’s apartment.

You found yourself outside his front door, unable to move. You wanted to pick up your hand and knock on the door, but you couldn’t. Every time that you got close, you chickened out.

It had been years since you had seen Shawn. What if he changed? What if he didn’t like you anymore? What if you embarrassed yourself?

Every time another one of thoughts popped in your head, it became harder to try to knock on that door.

You took a deep breath and tried to still your shaking hands. You felt a small moment of confidence. Before it went away, you quickly knocked on the door.

Your pulse quickened. You felt the extreme urge to just run away. Before you could do that, the door opened.

There he was.

He looked different in person. Magazines and social media had been the only place you saw him for years. Now, three feet in front of you, you were almost shocked that he was three dimensional.

“Hi” was all you get out.

You were absolutely frozen.

“Hey” he said, slowly. He seemed to also be at a loss for words.

You looked him up and down, taking in all of his features. His hair was longer now. His shoulders were broader and he was so much more muscular now.

You were almost drooling over his arms in the tight shirt. Your lingering gaze left his body and you met his eyes.

Small smiles appeared on both of your faces. He grabbed your hands and pulled you into a hug. His tight embrace was comforting. His strong arms around you made your heart swoon.

After a while, you both pulled away. Once again, you couldn’t get rid of the grin on your face. “So how have you been?” He asked, looking into your eyes.

You started to tell him about major changes in your life that he had missed. While you were talking, his hand naturally slipped into yours. He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze as you spoke.

Your heart was racing at the speed of sound. It felt like a dream. There was no way you could really be standing in front of Shawn after all these years.

“It’s so good to finally see you again. I’ve actually been wanting to ask you something” Shawn said, after you finished talking. You were immediately intrigued, but also worried.

“And what is that?” You asked, rocking back and forth on your feet. “I was wondering if you would want to collab on a song sometime. I really love your music, and it would awesome to work with you” he told you, honestly.

You were taken aback. “I would love to. Is that why you invited me? To use me for monetary gain?” You teased him, giggling. He chuckled and shook his head. “No, that’s not why I wanted to see you again” he said, with a certain sparkle in his eyes.

You started gazing into his eyes, and it became harder and harder to stop. You didn’t notice, but you both started to step closer together. What you did notice was Shawn carefully placing his hand on your waist. He did it so lightly that you almost thought you imagined the lingering touch.

Before you both started to lean in, there was a loud commotion outside the front door. You both quickly jumped away like teenagers caught doing something mischievous.

Shawn sighed and headed towards the door to check who it was. He looked through the peephole and then quickly backed up. You were confused by his urgency.

“Who is it?” You asked, curiously. He didn’t answer you right away. He walked over to a wall and quickly closed the curtains. “The paparazzi are here” he said, walking back over to you.

“Well then I guess you’re stuck with me until they leave” you said, smiling as you walked over to the couch. You plopped down on the couch, and Shawn joined you seconds later.

“So do you want to watch a movie because you’re going to be stuck here?” He asked you, grabbing the remote.

You nodded and leaned your head on his shoulder. He didn’t expect you to do it, but he leaned into your touch. He pressed play on a movie and then put his arm along the back of the couch.

Slowly, as the movie continued, his arm moved from the couch to your shoulders. The way he transitioned was so natural, like he was used to having his arm around you. It felt good, and was definitely something you could get used to.

The movie became dull, and you glanced up at Shawn. You found yourself admiring his features as he watched the screen.

Then he caught you.

He looked down into your eyes. You felt your cheeks heat up as you were caught. “Hi you” he said, sweetly. You just smiled and then cuddled further into his side.

“Hey wait. I wanted to ask you about something?” Shawn said, pausing the movie.

You looked back up at him. It was hard to not smile. You always felt happy when you were around Shawn.

“So, I know that we haven’t seen each other in years, but there’s been something I’ve always wanted to tell you. Since the day we first met, I have—” Shawn started to say before he was interrupted.

Your phone loudly started ringing. It distracted you from what he was saying. You glanced down at your phone. It was your mom calling.

“I’m so sorry. It’s my mom, I have to take this” you said, apologetically setting one of your hands on Shawn's. He nodded. He was always so understanding.

You quickly answered the phone. Before you could say hello, your mom started interrogating you.

“Are you and Shawn finally together?” She asked, very quickly. You were taken aback by the question and also how fast she had asked that. “Uhh...no. Why would you think that?” You asked her, confused.

“The pictures are everywhere. It’s you walking into his house, and there’s a picture of you two hugging. All the tabloids are saying you two are together. I know that I shouldn’t trust tabloids, but I’ve always wanted you two to date. You are both so great together. Plus, he’s very handsome. So, you have good taste” your mom rambled, only stopping when she ran out of breath.

“Woah woah woah. Slow down. I promise you, Shawn and I are not dating” you assured your mom. Only then, Shawn started to listen to what you were saying. He had been trying not to listen or eavesdrop, but you were right next to him.

He just smirked at you. You saw it and rolled your eyes at him, as you tried to hold back from laughing.

Eventually, your mom said she believed you and hung up the phone. “I’m sorry about that. She started listening to the tabloids” you explained to him. He chuckled as he looked at his own phone. “That’s okay. All my friends are texting me about it too” he told you, smiling.

“Well then I guess you’re stuck with me as your fake girlfriend” you said, sticking your tongue out at him. He put his arm around you and then you leaned your head on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you” he said, softly.

You started to trace shapes on the back of his hand. “I’ve missed you too” you said, at the same volume.

You felt Shawn kiss your temple and you felt the heat rush to your face.

“So what were you going to ask me before?” You asked him, giving him your full attention. Just as he was about to tell you, there was a loud knocking at the front door.

Shawn groaned and then stood up. He walked over to the door. He looked through the peephole and just sighed.

“Hang on a minute” he said to you. Then, he opened the door. You couldn’t see the door from where you were sitting. “Hey there sweetheart” you heard a girl say, and your blood ran cold.

Did Shawn have a girlfriend? You had never even brought it up. You felt so stupid. Of course he had a girlfriend. It had been years. You had been sitting here hoping he would make a move, but he was taken. He was gorgeous, any girl would be lucky to date him.

“Ashley. What do you want? We broke up. Stop acting like it didn’t happen” Shawn said, sternly. It threw you even farther off guard. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but it seemed like Shawn was actually single.

“I just saw on Twitter that coffee shop girl was here before. If you are dating, I want you to know that you can do better. I’m still single and you know I’m hotter than her. Just come here and kiss me so all those paparazzis will know you’re mine again” you heard Ashley said.

You felt disgusted listening to her talk. She was being really rude to both you and Shawn. “Goodbye Ashley. Go ruin somebody else’s day” Shawn said, closing the door.

He walked back over to you. He looked defeated. “So that was...?” You asked. “My ex-girlfriend. I know, bad idea” he said. You didn’t know what to say.

Shawn cursed under his breath. He looked furious. You stood up and walked over to him. “Hey it’s okay. It’s no big deal. We’ll just move on. You don’t have to worry about it” you said, trying to console him. You didn’t know why he was so upset of all a sudden.

“No, it’s not okay, Y/N” he snapped at you. You jumped away from him. You visibly flinched. His eyes softened when he saw you back away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted, it’s not your fault” he said, hanging his head low.

“It’s just— I’ve tried to kiss you three times today, or at least just tell you how I feel. Every time that I try, something gets in the way. I haven’t seen you in years and I just want get this off my chest. I feel like we have something special. I don’t know if you feel it too, or I’m just crazy. I really just want to kiss you, but I’m afraid something will get in the way if I try” he confessed.

You were shocked. This was the last thing you expected him to say. You had always wished that your connection was more than just friends, but you had always second guessed it. You always assumed that you were just making it up.

“Well, there’s nothing stopping you now” you said, coyly. He quickly looked up to meet your eye contact. He looked unsure, so you made the first move.

You walked towards Shawn and placed your hands on his chest. “What are you waiting for?” You asked him. That was all the clarity he needed.

He instantly connected your lips and wrapped his arms around your waist. It felt perfect. That sounds cliche and unrealistic, but the mixture of years of feelings and yearning made the perfect combination.

You both pulled away and couldn’t look away from each other’s eyes. “I guess I should call my mom back and tell her I lied” you said, giggling.

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Requests OPEN

[syubub]

NAMJOON SOULMATE READING

Disclaimer~ tarot is interpretation and it is in no way fact. Take it with a grain of salt and lets continue

Oki. Let me just say some words. I forgot to take a picture of the cards BUT I made a video? You might be wondering, "why a vid?" And I'd say, "idk, nan mola." I might post it (I'd definitely have to make a YouTube channel for that and I'm not really intrested in doing videos that often but I honestly thought, "hey I should record so its faster to write it down and make sense of my thoughts" and then I was like, "well, if I do a video then I won't have to type" and that was intriguing but the video was over an hour long and I go on so many tangents its nuts (also editing who? Don't know her) I think its also nice to have written out version that just gets to the point (I personally prefer written ones because I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish) So long story short. Maybe I'll upload it for those who want to watch but if I do, don't wate your time if you dont want to. All the key info is written here. blah blah blah let's get to Joonie.

Right off the bat I just want to say that both him and his soulmate have the same energy color. It's like a silver-white color? (This is just how I personally perceive energy) Through the process of connecting with Nams and his Soulmate, I envisioned him putting his hand up to mine as a way to I guess channel his energy to me? It was like a stringy thing on my palm and then I mirrored him putting his hand over his heart and then to his forehead and then he was gone? It was like he gave me a tether to his energy which hasn't really happened before. It still felt kinda distant but still like I was trustworthy enough to have a line to him? Idk if that makes any sense or not but there. Now onto the soulmate.

I got some messages from his soulmate. I feel like we had a weak connection that was only there because Namjoons energy let me into it. So the first message was, "You need to leave her" wut. I asked my guides like, "hey, do I need to write that down?" And they were like yeah fam you gotta. Okay. I have no clue. Part of me thinks it was more of a warning to joon. Maybe his soulmate is cautious of people poking around his energy idk. It could be anything. So there's that.

For the other messages I got, "open your mind more", "You're strong, don't be taken for granted" and "ones own soul" that last one makes no sense to me but maybe you need to have iq 148 or be the soulmate of Namoo to get it. I think the others make sense. They are pretty self explanatory.

Now, onto the cards. So knight of cups fell out and I was like ?? And I asked like, "what do I do with this?" And it was v clear that this is his soulmates personality. Like this card represents the soulmate. Now. This is VERY romantic. Romantic af is all over my notes. Also, Joon knows his soulmate. I'm pretty sure. That might come in handy later. This person is in touch with their intuition and emotions. They are compassionate and understanding as fuck. Also I touch with their more feminine energy. I also made a note for a possible career in the art field. V v v loving. Also a possible Taurus, Virgo or Air sign. (I lean towards virgo) personality cards are damsel, warrior, judge, gossip and destroyer. This person is very strong and helps to bring perspective. They have a way of making you think in a way you never had before. I wrote down, "its like panning for gold, you bring up a bunch of shit. Stir up the riverbed, to find pieces of gold". Its constructive and organized chaos. (Art???) They make you consider things with a more critical and objective eye.

Okay, so the next cards are kind what his Soulmate brings out in him/what they help joon with. Justice rev. King of swords rev. And queen of wands. So Justice rev. Represents a lack of accountability, unfairness, dishonesty and favoritism. So I think his soulmate essentially checks him when he gets to close to any of these things. Like his soulmate is all, "hey, you made a mistake. I trust you'll do the right thing and right your wrongs"like this person essentially helps to point out what he might be too close to see. King of swords rev. Represents quiet power, inner truth, misuse of power, manipulation. So with this, his soulmate helps him to discover his inner truth and quiet power but also when he gets too... into it... it can turn toxic and become manipulative and he can maybe use his power in a not so healthy way. I don't think its conscious but its there. And for queen of wands, it represents courage, confidence, independence, determination. This is so cute. His soulmate amplifies all of these amazing qualities that he already has in himself. His soulmate encourages and fosters these amazing qualities. Its so cute. Its hard to really convey the feeling but damn. Its cute as fuck.

As far as the relationship goes we had the world, 10 of coins, 9 of coins and 8 of wands rev. So. They rich. They are so abundant and this is in a sense of self sustainability and stability as well as in a family sense. Now now now. Everyone is curious about joon and if hes married with kids and what not. Idk. Thats my answer. Idk. But he and his soulmate will def have luck in the family department (child or no). Now. With the world and 8 of wands rev. There is a sense that they might be on pause or that they are waiting for something to end before the relationship reaches its full potential. Now. With the 8 of wands rev. It can mean rushing into something (like kids and marriage) and I think that joon and his soulmate are smart enough to know that it might not be responsible right now. OR they have already rushed into it and are now keeping everything private until BTS enlist and go on hiatus. The world symbolizes a completing of a cycle (successfully) so that drives home that they are haulted where they are until they can start a new chapter. There is also a chance that they are acquaintances or something but won't pursue a relationship until later on.

Now we have Play, Boundries and Protection. This is also about the relationship. They have a very strong respect for eachother so they have very strong boundaries and they protect themselves and eachother. It's very healthy.

Now we have progress not perfection, ready to love and prosperity. They are so so so supportive of eachother and encourage eachother to grow and be better people. They both also have gone through a period of learning that they are worthy of love. They also have a prosperity mindset. Its about abundance and being like, "wow, I have everything I ever could have asked for" and they are truly greatful for all that they have. Theres also a feeling of money guilt from Namoo but I'll not go on a tangent for that.

Now we have stop obsessing, stop whining, and stand by your commitment. essentially the world is scary and these cards are to Nams from his soulmate. They essentially mean, stop obsessing about what you can't change and don't wallow in it. It doesn't serve you. All you can do is move forward. Also, making good on your promises. Seeing shit to the end and not leaving unfinished business.

Now now now we have the physical qualities: serious, long hair, gifts, physical touch, feminine, music, music (again), introvert, romantic, sweet, playful (I think its intresting bc I have a lot of physical descriptions in my little cards but pulled more personality...)

And for little cards that soulmate wants Joo to know: faith, Fate, seek, healthy, selfless

Now now now now. We have the finishing oracle cards. Dream a beautiful dream and going beyond normal. These essentially talk about seeing beauty in chaos, letting things not go according to plan and being okay with it, seeing beauty as it is instead of trying to fit it into a box. One of my favorite sentiments is along the lines of not trying to fit the ocean in a teacup but rather learning to swim and not confining something so vast into a small vessel. Don't confine yourself to please others. Live on the fringe of normality and push boundries.

TLDR: Namoo has a sweet soulmate who wants him to grow and become a better person. Its super great and supportive and he and his soulmate probably read books together and have museum dates. Soft af. A subtle domestic love.

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Pretty Boy-A.E

“There’s always stories about *Person* helping reader through insecurities, but could we maybe switch that around? Can we get a fic where reader helps Alex through his insecurities? He’s been tweeting and saying he feels ugly for the past couple weeks and it breaks my heart and I just want to comfort him.”

Pairing: ImAllexx x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k+

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"Hurry up, or I'll unpause the movie!" Today was Netflix day. When Netflix day would come around, Mia and Y/n would find a day they were both free just to binge-watch something together. Will would always get jealous of Y/n stealing Mia away some days. "She's my girlfriend, Y/n!" Will whined over Y/n's phone. "She's my friend, Will!" Y/n copied Will's whining, "I'm one of the reasons you two met each other." "I wanna spend time with my girlfriend too," Will continued to whine. "You spend plenty of time with her, It's just one day every few weeks," Y/n let out a sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to you later," Will let out a huff. "Alright, See you," Y/n only let out a small chuckle as she hit the 'end call' button. E.T was paused on the TV, Mia had needed to use the bathroom, giving Y/n a moment to herself. It had been a while since Y/n last checked her social medias, so of course she found herself opening up Twitter as she waited for her friend to come out of the bathroom. Y/n didn't expect much to show up in her feed, maybe a few funny tweets from her friends, but that was about it. As she scrolled, a few tweets appeared from Alex. 'just gonna stand there and watch willne sleep.' 'What the fuck is #babyimallexx and why is it a thing.' It was always easy to let out a laugh from Alex's tweets, Y/n had always found him funny. As Y/n continued to scroll, a few more tweets of Alex's appeared on her phone. 'I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted and have finally caved in and am looking for someone to do part time editing work, if anyone has any friends or know of somebody who can replicate my style please dm me or email me. Thanks in advance.' Emotionally and mentally exhausted? There was no possible way for that to be a good sign. Y/n cared about Alex deeply, they had been friends since forever. They had met through Mia and Will. After a couple of months of getting closer and closer, Alex had told Y/n about how he had suffered from anxiety. Anxiety with Alex was never a small thing. Even when it came to meeting Y/n, he was nervous. What if she didn't like him? What if Y/n turned out to be a total bitch? Maybe she should check up on Alex. Y/n pulled up Alex's contact on messenger, already thinking of something casual to text him. 'What's your plans for today?' "Alright, unpause E.T!" Mia grinned, jumping on the couch. Y/n jumped, she hadn't realized her friend had come back into the living room. "Okay, okay!" Y/n brought a smile to her face, "Unpausing E.T!" Y/n took one more glance at her phone, Y/n was still on delivered. It wasn't any big deal, she had only sent the text a few seconds ago. As E.T played on the TV, Y/n couldn't pull her thoughts away from Alex. The more and more she thought about him, the more worried she became. When Y/n's phone finally buzzed, Y/n was quick to pull her phone out of her pocket, her eyes scanning over her notifications. One text message from Alex. 'Nothing much, George helped me put my new desk together and I might film a new video later.' A smile came to Y/n's face from just the thought of both George and Alex trying to manage to build a desk together. It'd be interesting to see how the desk turned out. They most likely did a good job, but of course they would've struggled for quite a bit of time while trying to figure out what tools were what. Y/n could only imagine what their conversation was like during the process. “George, which one is a wrench again?” “I don't know, why don't you just google it?” “Because I'm holding these two pieces together.” Eventually, E.T came to an end with the alien heading home. Mia had stayed around for a bit, just to take a couple of photos together and talk. Finally, Mia had left with a text from Will telling her he missed her. As soon as Mia left, Y/n made her way over to George and Alex's flat. A moment or two after Y/n had knocked on the boys' front door, the door had opened to reveal George. "Hey, Y/n." "Hey, George. Is Alex home?" Y/n flashed a small smile. "Yeah, he's in his room. Come on in," George had moved out of the way, allowing Y/n to step into the flat. Y/n made her way to Alex's room. Before she entered the room, Y/n gave a gentle knock to the door. A small "come in" could be heard by her friend. "Hey, Alex," Y/n opened the door. "Oh, hey Y/n," Alex leaned back in his chair. "You started working on your video yet?" Y/n walked over to Alex and his new desk. His equipment was already set up to film a new video. "Not yet, I haven't found something to film about yet," he let out a sigh, his eyes glazed over his setup. "Might not even film a video today." "How long has it been since you uploaded?" Y/n replied, looking for someplace to sit. "Three weeks." "Oh... wow," Y/n bit her lip. Three weeks? Alex usually loved filming new videos, something had to be going on to keep him from filming anything new. "Alex, I have a question." "Shoot." "You know you can trust me, right?" Y/n leaned against the desk, looking over to her brunette friend. "Of course, Y/n. I completely trust you," he only gave a small nod. "Are you alright? I can tell something's wrong and I was hoping whatever was happening, I could help you through it," Y/n kept her eyes on Alex, watching him. "What's been going on, Al?" "I've just been struggling a bit, Y/n," Alex pinched the bridge of his nose with a small sigh. "This may sound stupid, but I've been struggling with how I look recently. I've just been feeling more insecure about my face. I guess I just haven't been at my 100 percent lately." Y/n's heart ached from hearing those words escape his mouth. Alex really thought he was ugly? Alex was beyond handsome, how could he not see that? "Alex, you got to be kidding. You don't realize how handsome you are," Y/n's mouth fell agape from Alex's words. Alex only shook his head, nothing escaped his lips. "Alex, you're so handsome. Your eyes are so beautiful, your jawline is amazing, it could cut me and I'd say thank you. As many phases as your hair had gone through, it always looks amazing. Some days I fight off the urge of just brushing my fingers through it. I wish I could just hold your hand in public and steal your t-shirts. Alex, you're such a pretty boy and you don't realize it-" Y/n had been cut off by Alex pulling her into his lap, his lips quickly finding their way to Y/n's. At first, Y/n was surprised by the kiss but quickly accepted it. Y/n pulled off Alex's snapback, beginning to brush her fingers through his hair as the kiss deepened. "So was I going to have to wait for you guys to post a video about your relationship or were you gonna tell me?" Both Alex and Y/n pulled away from the kiss, turning their gaze to Alex's doorway. George stood there, one hand on the doorknob as though he had just walked in. "It's... complicated," Alex let out an awkward chuckle. "Whatever, if you guys are gonna have chair sex make sure you're not gonna fall or break the desk," George shook his head. "I put too much time into building that thing." "It was a team effort," Alex shot back. "Sure, Alex, sure," George playfully rolled his eyes as he closed the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, the pair sitting in the chair turned their attention back to each other. "Now where were we?"

Taglist:

@graysonsbrock​

@anyasthoughts​

@multifandom-but​

[ayuxhi]

Dreaming - Part One

Word Count: 1.7k

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader.

AU: Idol AU, university life, Idol x Fan.

NSFW/SFW: SFW

A/N: This story is part of the Luv Library Collab. This is the first part, the second part comes out next week while the last part comes out by the end of this month. This is my first fic, so please bear with me. Feedbacks are always welcome. The story will be a lot more clearer in the next update I promise. Thank you.

Summary:

You are bored in life. With your love life non-existential, you can’t help but miss having someone’s constant company. Someone you can talk to 24x7. Someone who can talk you to sleep. So one day when you couldn’t fall asleep, you decide to install Tinder. Thinking it was about time for you to start dating again, things take an interesting turn when you find your favorite idol Kim Seokjin’s profile on the app. Trying your luck out, you wonder how different things would turn out if it was really him.

______________________________________ 

“This must be a dream.

This can’t be real.

This can’t be happening in reality.

I must be dreaming. I have to be dreaming.”

Last night when you went to bed, you were so exhausted from hectic schedules of university life that you couldn’t sleep. You try to count sheep in your mind but that didn’t help. Deciding to try something else, you play your favorite guided meditation audio that can somehow always put you at ease. Putting your headphones on, you lie down on your bed again. Trying to relax your body to the maximum and notice your breathing, you can’t help but feel restless. Even the audio comes to no use today. After several failed attempts at trying to sleep, you turn to porn to please yourself. Switching between different sites to find the right video to get off to, you wish you had someone to fulfill your desires instead of some crappy porn. Guess that’s what life’s about when your love life doesn’t exist. Not that you were complaining, single life has its benefits and silver linings. It's just that your last heartbreak two years ago was a major burnout in your soul. And even though the lessons learned from that experience was life-changing and truly elevating. You can’t help but miss having someone to talk to 24x7.  Someone who can talk you to sleep. Guess you miss the messiness of the entire process or the entire life cycle that goes on from meeting a new person to getting to know the person to talk to that person 24x7 to the inevitable heartbreak. Maybe you need someone.

So when you couldn’t find the right video to get off to, you decided to open Instagram and go through your DM's. To find someone worthy enough to fill your lonely voids both emotionally and physically. But that was useless too. That’s when you decide that it was about time for you to get out of your head and start testing the waters again. Go back to the field and start fishing again. And to test the waters, you decide to go to the place where the water is really fresh, you download Tinder. Desperate times call for desperate measures. It is half-past 12, in the middle of Thursday night and you are unavailable to sleep. Run! BTS is running in the background on your laptop while you are busy scrolling through Twitter. Its been a busy week at the university as finals are approaching soon. That means you don’t get enough time to watch Run! BTS right away when they are uploaded. As a result, you are now catching up with the last to last week��s episode.

Download complete. The notification popped up.

Quickly opening the app, you set your profile first. You fill the basic details first. Name, age, gender, preference, location, and other things.  The something about you column has always been a pain in the ass, going with whatever random gibberish that comes to your mind, you complete your profile. Now the media section. You can upload up to 9 pictures. Only if you had 9 good pictures. Going through your gallery, you choose a candid picture of you standing on a beach, 2 other selfies taken in your room and one that was taken on your university campus as display pictures. The last one was a genuine candid and you kinda looked cute in it. Trying to figure out how the app works, you start swiping left-right without thinking much. Don’t get you wrong, you were just checking the app out, trying to make the maximum out of it. But after the initial 5 minutes, you were bored, declaring it overrated.

Just when you were swiping through the various profiles, you stumble across a profile that you were too familiar with. It was a picture of a tall Asian guy getting out of a car. An HD picture of an HD quality man. He is the same person who sits proudly on your phone’s wallpaper.

Kim Seokjin, 27

South Korea.

Nickname: the car door guy

Something about me: Famously known as the third guy from the left, Kim Seokjin is responsible for stealing the hearts of millions of fans across the globe. The worldwide handsome guy is a part of the rainbow international K-pop sensation traditional transfer USB hub shrimp BTS. The oldest of the team can sing and dance to the rhythm of your heartbeats. He is the CEO of Jinhit entertainment (formerly known as Bighit). Swipe right to get a chance to go on a date with the worldwide cutie guy.

Rolling your eyes, you give him a super like and swipe right. If only it was this easy to win a chance to go on a date with your favorite idol. When you installed Tinder, you never thought you'll find Jin here. Having heard thousands of stories of how so many people catfish the locals, using K-pop idols pseudo profile, its an old trick in the book, in fact, a famous one. Sometimes they don’t even change the details and just go with the real one. This profile, for example, is one of them. The bio looks like something a fan came up in his/her sleep. Having swiped right, you wonder how many naïve people would fall for this façade and actually believe that they are talking to the real Jin. The visual of all visuals, the singer of all singers, Your Kim Seokjin. With that thought, you continue to explore the app.

“Why do people waste time on these stupid apps. If a person could that easily find his/her soul mate on this app, astrologers from all over the world would be already moving inside it.” You sighed.

“Maybe I should just go back to counting sheep instead” Closing the app you turn to your laptop where the latest episode of Run! BTS was playing providing perfect background music. You were so caught up with swiping left and right, exploring the new app, that you didn’t even take a single glance at the screen.

“I should have just watched the episode instead!” With that thought mentally apologizing to your favorite seven idols, you shut down the laptop and switch the lights off your room. Covering your face with your favorite blanket you turn to sleep, wishing that you could finally get some rest. And just when you were about to drift to the dreamland, the notification bell ring, hinting that you have a new notification.

Mentally cursing whoever it was that interpreted your almost sleep, you open your phone. Too bright for your liking, you couldn’t make out who it was. Until your eyes adjusted and your eyes read,

Kim Seokjin and you have matched. Take it easy from here.

Message from Kim Seokjin: Hi.

Your heart stops beating. It can’t be him. Can he? No. You know better than this. Why would he be on Tinder? If he wanted to date anybody, he can just announce it to the world and millions of fans from all gender identities would line up for him. Why would he need tinder? And even if he was on tinder why would he match with me? There are millions of beautiful girls out there who are way better than you look.  Why would he text you? Why would he choose you? Ignoring the newly arrived notification, you quickly open tinder. You are going through your profile once again. Basic. The profile screams basic. With just your name, age, gender and preference your profile doesn’t say much about you. With a quote “Chaos is a ladder” sitting on your bio you know pretty well your profile is darned. You can’t fathom why would he, out of all the people out there, text you. You know it danm well he didn’t. If only you were that naïve to fall for the façade but you knew better. This is an imposter. He is an imposter. Or maybe she is. You don’t know who it is, that has texted you. But you know its not Jin.

It can’t be him.

You can’t help but sulk further when you realize how much you wanted it to be him. A message from Jin. A chance to get to know the person who has not only graced your life with his beautiful face, soulful voice and a windshield laugh that could light up the whole town. You also wanted to thank him. For all that he has done. He along with his other 6 band members have helped you in the most difficult times of your life. There were days when BTS was the only reason that kept you going. You wanted to thank him for his contributions to your life. You wanted him to know you as you know him.

You wanted it to be him.

You look at the clock, it was 1:37 AM. With the excitement of Jin's message and the realization followed by it that it is not him, you have completely lost your sleep. You were already struggling to fall asleep earlier and now with his message lying unread on your notification bar, you are wide awake.

Maybe you should reply to him at least. To the imposter of course. And know what it feels like to even talk to his imposter. Maybe you'll make good friends with him. Maybe you’ll become best friends with him who later fall in love with each other. Get married in Paris then move to Egypt, have 3 children and live happily ever after.

“I should reply to him.”

1:40 AM

[Y/N]: Hi.

You finally tap the send option after glaring at the two words greeting for an eternity now. Suddenly you become more conscious of your environment than you have ever been. It's almost like you can notice the minute actions that are going in your surroundings. From the clock ticking to the vehicle noises coming from the main road far away, you can notice it all.

Ding. With the notification bell, you are pulled out of your mind.

1:44 AM

[Kim Seokjin]: How are you?

Your heart started beating again. This time its 140 BPH. You can't help but get excited seeing his name flash on your phone.

1:45 AM

[Y/N]: I am good. Are you the real Kim Seokjin?

[imthederpyfox]

Rant About YouTube Copyright.

by imthederpyfox, Moments ago

Journals / Personal

I know nobody's here anymore, hi, nobody~

But I need to take a minute to rant about YouTube's copyright system for a moment.

I know it's come a long way in the past few years, content creators never used to be able to defend their work with copyright under YouTube guidelines, and it's great that they now can. However, there is also the problem that as content creators can fairly and justly claim others videos that include misused content off their own, creators will also claim videos just because they don't like them. AKA 'foodybeauty' and 'Amber-Lynn Reid', to name a few...

Along with this, we also have major companies who think they should copyright any video posted about one of their shows or films or games, or anything really.

Now I know, full re-uploads of these things are against copyright law, well done YouTube, would you like a gold star? Well, guess what, you don't get one. Because not only can they claim these full videos, they have also been going on binges, where as soon as ANY kind of content related to their products comes out, it becomes copyrighted before the content creator can even so much as blink or press save.

I'm talking about videos where you can barely see what the creator's watching, i.e - an UNLISTED video I just posted of a review/reaction to a Netflix show called Haunted.

Now, I have posted another reaction for Riverdale, and spent months trying to figure out the best action to take. Bare in mind, these videos are 'unedited' for my patrons, and the links are only available to my patrons. But guess what? I HAVE NO PATRONS! First of all, HOW do these big companies find an unlisted video? Are they my patrons? I mean that'd be nice, but no. They Aren't.

Second of all, why the fuck would you block an UNLISTED video, when so many people upload full copyrighted re-uploads of films and TV with no issue?

Third of all, how did you even know my video contained any of your program when it's not even named after the show AT ALL because I KNOW you'll copyright it immediately if the title has so much of a WHISPER of the show included.

Now, I will admit, I understand why my first video got copyright claimed - despite being unlisted, which I'm still annoyed about - because most of the screen was taken up by the episode of Riverdale, rather than my reaction. I get it, fine. So, I edit it, I make myself the main focus - ew, I know - and I lower the opacity of the original video, and I cut out any songs that go on for too long, and I make sure that 1/4 of the video isn't even FUCKING VISIBLE!

Safe to say, this is not a re-upload of the original content. This is an upload of a reaction to said content. My reaction, in which I am constantly talking throughout, constantly cutting in, constantly ruining this series for everyone that decides to give me money to watch, what a good YouTuber I am indeed.

So, because I couldn't let sleeping dogs lie when I earned my SECOND COPYRIGHT CLAIM ON THIS UNLISTED PATREON VIDEO! I decided to look more into the company trying to claim it. Was it Netflix? Nope. Was it a TV company? Well, sort of? A french company that distributes TV shows, or so it claims. See what I did there? Good right? No, ok, moving on. So upon my research I happened to come across multiple videos, saying that the company was a scam, that they were fake and shouldn't even be copyrighting things.

SO, what did I do? Well, just to make sure I checked which part of my video was still listed under their 'copyrighted content' thing, because if you check it'll tell you time stamps and give you the option to trim. So, there was about 5-6 minutes of my video that for some reason was still being claimed as copyrighted, so I went in, and edited little bits out, where there was no dialogue, no important things, and then I saved it, and waited for it to process, and then I went into that copyright claims and I said, ya know what? I'm not taking this shit, I worked hard for this video, I made sure to do everything I needed to do, and since these videos fall under fair use due to the cutting and editing and the fact you can't SEE 1/4 OF THE VIDEO, I sent a dispute.

Now I have to admit, I was nervous. If the company that copyright claimed my video didn't like the fact that I'd done that, they could CHOOSE TO COPYRIGHT STRIKE ME. Like, no review from YouTube, nothing like that. If this company didn't like that a tiny channel with only 57 subscribers put in a dispute against them, they might get pissed. They might not like the fact that someone's done that, and they might turn around and say to YouTube, FUCK this channel, bye bye, bitch.

So I was worried to say the least, but I have never been one to back away from bullying, and in this case, I class it as bullying.

I filled in all the relevant details, including a very in depth explanation as to why my video was counted under fair use, and how my channel is tiny, how I don't have any Patrons to see the video, how my video was unlisted, and heavily edited to make sure the copyright did not count against me, including the use of disclaimers in both the video and the description.

I was professional.

I was right.

And I won the dispute.

A day later I get an email telling me the company decided to release my video of all claims and it is now available for all none of my viewers to watch! How exciting, right?

Well, today I decided that I'd upload my second reaction that I'd recorded, I did the same as with the last one, having learned something. I lowered opacity, I covered any nudity, I cut off 1/4 of the video, I made it so the focus would be on my ugly ass mug instead of the TV show itself. And I spent hours trying to upload it for it to fail and me have to do it again.

And low and behold, after all my troubles, all my trials and tribulations, all my blood, sweat and tears and turmoil... I got copyright claimed once again.

Now, it's safe to say, I'm a little bit pissed, ya know?

My video - much like last time - hadn't even fully been uploaded, around the 97% mark, and boom, claim. So I took a deep breath, ya home boi is NOT happy, and I see where exactly it thinks my video is not covered under copyright law. And this is where I think these companies don't care if you are actually covered under the law or not, because it's always a random part of the video, it's always about a 5 minute chunk of the video regardless of what you do.

Which leads me to my next conclusion, in order for these companies to be finding these videos - especially with them being in the unlisted category (needing a specific link to be able to view), and the title not being related, and the video being edited to make sure it isn't eligible for a copyright claim, they MUST have a bot, or a program running that searches YouTube for clips of their content, regardless of how it's presented, or whether it's a review or not.

Which I have to say, is unfair. Especially in the case of the unlisted thing. I know, YouTube can't help it if these companies have bots and programs and code, they can't stop that from happening. But what they can stop? What they SHOULD stop? Is these companies being able to claim videos that aren't even eligible for it.

YouTube, man, you gotta work on this.

We were rooting for you! We were ALL rooting for you!

Anyway, seriously, YouTube really needs to find a way to make sure copyright is fair and just and not maintained by just programs and bots. YouTube, why not create a part of your company that reviews these claims, checks the videos, guarantees that the claims only go to those ACTUALLY abusing the copyright system? Instead of those of us who just want to make fun content for our viewers, who strive to just make good reaction videos? Because that's what they are, REACTION videos. Not re-uploads, not someone else's content.

'Great poets imitate and improve, whereas small ones steal and spoil.'

Give a little back to the people that got you where you are today YouTube. None of these big companies had you raking in money to begin with, it was the little guys, the small content creators who now have millions of viewers, because they enjoy what they do. Well, most of 'em anyway...

Just think about your content creators, rather than appeasing the companies that give you a bit more money. I know they won't, because capitalism rules despite how shit it is.

Is it really a wonder that so many creators are turning to streaming through sites like Twitch.tv instead of uploading to YouTube? Even the other day, on a live stream I was doing myself, me and my friends talked about how much better streaming is, how you don't have to constantly be worried about making sure the video is friendly for 2 year olds. 2 YEAR OLDS SHOULDN'T EVEN BE WATCHING, OK?!

My goal has been to be a YouTuber since I was about 12. I'm now almost 22. That's just under 10 years of my life, where my goal, my one finish line, has been to become a YouTuber. But the more and more things like this happen, the more and more I want to listen to that voice in my head telling me to give it up and go to Twitch, become a streamer, not stress so much about copyright strikes and issues with monitisation, and having such UNREALISTIC goals in order to achieve being monitised and YouTube partner in the first place.

I have edited this video, the parts it told me to, I have made sure to cut out the music bits and make sure it's up to par with copyright based on where they claimed the video. But my issue with sending off this newest in what I assume will be a long line of copyright disputes, because someone, even as small a channel as mine, with my 57 subscribers and my 5 views a video (at a push), has to push back and say 'NO. THIS ISN'T OK.' and not let themselves be pushed around, my issue with this?

The company that claimed the video this time was Netflix itself. And we all know Netflix has money. And Netflix doesn't care if it shuts down a tiny little channel like mine. All my content? All my videos? All views and subs and likes I've somehow managed to accumulate? All gone. Like Thanos snapping his fucking fingers.

Regardless of what I do to make these videos fair use, big companies like this get the final say over them, and as far as they're concerned, us little creators who don't make YouTube money yet, but still hold onto that hope that, maybe, hopefully, one day we will be able to do it, we're the 50% they want to snap and get rid of.

And it'll stay that way for a long time, unless people actually stand up and talk about it. Heck, it'll probably end up staying that way even then, but at least we TRIED.

I have respect for Matpatt, I watched his video explaining the work he and other creators have done in bringing awareness to the higher ups in YouTube, using their platforms to help each other and millions of other creators, people who just want to make other people laugh or forget about their problems for a while, or just upload stupid, 2 minute clips because of inside jokes, or they find it funny, they enjoy doing it.

If we as humans have been taught anything recently during this quarantine, it's that a lot of our societal structures are flawed, some may even say broken. Big companies scam us, use us, and give nothing back in return. If peoples eyes aren't open now, when will they be?

This won't get views. This won't get likes or favourites or shared to other people because of some powerful message.

But maybe one day, someone from YouTube will be randomly scrolling through the internet, and find a random post on a crude fanart website amongst all the sonic and Mario at the Olympic fuck games art, and maybe they'll read it and take note.

But we all know that'll never happen.

So I'm gonna wait for the video to finish saving the changes I made to it, and I'm going to dispute the claim Netflix made against me. And I'm going to anxiously wait to see if I get to continue making content for another day, or whether I get taken down by the snap.

------------

If you made it this far, thanks for listening to my rambling.

I feel strongly about a lot of things, and my friends often tell me that I should post about them, because I have such an... Eloquent way or wording things. Well, I finally decided to, because I need to vent as much as the next asshole. They're right, I AM eloquent!

Seriously though, thank you for reading, I know nobody would have but hey, maybe you're one of the 3 views I get on my YouTube videos!

I am blessed.

With like 50,000 curses going on at once.

Such a time to be alive.

Stay safe, look out for each other, and I may do another rant at some point, because this was fun I guess.

-Exza~

[sighingstarbeam]

Spies and Gods - Chapter 10

Summary: You and Loki head out on a night on the town. But you need to make a pit stop along the way.

Word Count: 3,245

A/N:  It's finally here! I'm finished with my classes and I have some time to write. With everything going on in the world right now, I'll try my best to upload more chapters, hopefully I can pry one out every week and get a schedule up and going. Thanks for the patience and stay safe!

Chapter 9 | Chapter 11

The next hour you debated if your decision was right. Your mind kept weighing the polar opposite options yet you put on your makeup as if you already made your choice. Every time you thought about going back to Loki’s room and calling the deal off you lingered to how you deserved a night out with your friends, even if Loki was in the background. On the other hand, when you thought about how much you wanted to leave the facility, what would happen if you got caught? New York was big, yes, and you never told anyone which nightclub you were going to specifically as there were hundreds just in the city alone, but if someone saw you leave and grew suspicious who’s to say what would happen? So many scenarios scattered in your brain. That person would rat you out to the team, they’d shun you for the rest of your life, Tony would kick you out immediately, he would second guess why he let you stay in the first place, which was something you never quite fully understood. If worse came to worse, you could always move back in with Lilly and Maya. But what if they thought you abandoned them? You didn’t mean to. In fact, you were forced to leave your current living situation. They wouldn’t lea- Before your headache could grow any larger, you heard a knock on your bathroom door. Your breath hitched when a familiar voice spoke up, “It’s me,” Tony said, “I’m sorry about before, but we really need you to do this. We’ll celebrate with a restaurant, your choice, just us two to get to know each other. Maybe Pepper. No, not Pepper.” You could practically hear his head rushing with what he was trying to spit out as he hesitated, “What I’m trying to say is we’re heading out. Don’t let Loki… Honestly don’t let him do anything but breathe and blink. Steve and his squad should be back tomorrow from their mission. Hang tight until then.” You didn’t say anything, you were processing the fact that Tony actually said the words “I’m sorry” to you. On top of that he wanted to take you out to dinner and have a real conversation. Not just the chats you have in the lab about his works, but about both of your lives, something you have secretly been yearning since day one. “O-Okay.” You stammered, careful not to burn yourself on the curling rod, “See you later.” Great, now you’ll feel some guilt for sneaking out. To be fair, it was Tony’s own fault for not letting you live your life. About an hour later you were dolled up in makeup and a form fitting maroon dress with off shoulder sleeves that Maya helped you pick out a few months back. It was already 8:00 and you promised you’d arrive at that time. You quickly texted Maya and Lilly that you were heading out and you had to “pick up a friend”. Speaking of which, you needed to tell Loki you were ready. Peeking your head out of your door, purse in hand, you checked the hall if anyone was around. Your heels clacked on the linoleum tile as you crossed the few feet to Loki’s door. You knocked sharply, waiting for him to emerge. A part of you wanted him to not answer, for him to end his own deal so you could have a reason to stay home. Or you could leave him alone and go by yourself and deal with the repercussions later. Well, somebody was listening and decided to pull a joke on you as Loki opened the door. You would’ve noticed him looking at you surprised by how you were dressed if it weren’t for the fact that you were too distracted by his attire. He went with his usual Asgardian wear of green, gold, and black leather outfitted with actual gold bands. “What are you wearing?” You asked. “What do you mean?” Loki questioned. “We’re going to a party in a club, not a renaissance fair.” Loki was taken aback from your comment, “I am dressed for a party. In Asgard this was standard attire for events our family held.” You rubbed the bridge of your nose out of frustration, “You’re on Earth now. You got to own something like a suit.” In almost an instant a shimmer of gold surrounded his head as a helmet with long horns manifested on Loki’s head, “How is this?” He mused. You crossed your arms, “If you can do that, you can illusion yourself human clothes.” Loki stared you down, then sighed rolling his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t win this situation. The golden shimmer surrounded him as he changed into the black suit he wore on the first day you saw him. “This should suffice, but know this; ” He leaned in, a little too close for comfort, before hissing his next words, “this night will not grant you permission to treat me like a cornered dog. Just because this is your planet does not give you access to order me whenever you please. I am a god in this realm- and for a moment your divine ruler.” You resisted the urge to step back from his proximity, for doing so would only pin you against the wall. Instead you stood your ground, trying to match the intensity of Loki’s glare. “If you say so. But if you do anything that raises any red flags while we’re out, I won’t hesitate to drag your ass back here early.” You pulled your phone out, it was a few minutes after you were supposed to meet up, plus you needed to pick up a gift. “We gotta go. Does the divine ruler want to stop for some fast food on the way?” You asked sarcastically. Loki’s manner transitioned from his intimidating look to amused as he let out a soft chuckle. 

___

Getting to the garage was a lot easier than you expected. With practically everyone gone nobody saw you and Loki made it to the rows of cars that were perfectly lined up. When you were first moving in Tony explained to you that most of the vehicles had keys hung up accordingly on a grid wall. Most of that conversation he mostly bragged that at least three-quarters of the cars belonged to him personally, which at least gave you a wide variety to choose from. “Got a preference?” You asked Loki, perusing the key selections. Loki looked back at the cars with a sour look, “Please tell me we are not driving any of those.” You were bemused at his remark, “What’s wrong with them? I mean, sure they’re a bit pretentious like that Ferrari- and those other two Ferrari's… but there are a few cool ones we could borrow.” You scanned the row, a black car caught your eye. “How about this Tesla? I heard they’re pretty cool.” Part of you knew that taking a car that glamorous would catch a few eyes, but if you were going to break the rules might as well go all the way in style. “Whatever you think is best.” Loki responded, “Personally I would never be caught dead in any of these, but if this is the only mode of transportation, then it will be adequate for the night.” No matter what you said to the man you could never seem to satisfy him, even if it was for a moment. You plucked the key from the slot and the two of you made your way to the sleek Tesla. Simultaneously you both entered the car. When you turned the key in the ignition you expected the screen in the dashboard to show different selections, except you were greeted by the display illuminating a video of a lit fireplace. A wave of warmth flooded the car as if the fire actually gave out heat from the heating system. The speakers blasted a funky tune of smooth jazz music, and without warning both yours and Loki’s seat reclined backwards. “Well well well, I didn’t realize this was your true intention for the night.” said Loki, showing off a wicked grin. “If you wanted to go a different route, we could have stayed upstairs.” “What? No! I didn’t-” Your face went beet red. You shot up away from the reclined seat when you tried to fiddle with the controls. After a few buttons pressed and smacks on the screens the fireplace video and heat turned off as well as the music. You readjusted your seat before selecting the maps to enter in the location of the club. God I hope they cleaned in here before we got here. You thought to yourself. “We’re never going to talk about this again.” You only heard a chuckle from the god next to you, your heart was beating out of your chest. Why was it doing that? Maybe it was because you were still in shock by the unexpected romance mode the car was set to. Yes, that was it.

___

Driving in downtown New York at night always brought a sense of surrealistic peace to you. The way the lights lit the structures in the distance, the ambiance, the shadows bent in contrast, everything melded together perfectly. You have only lived in New York for less than a year, but you would consider it to be one of the only few places you enjoyed residing in. After the incident in 2012, you fled as far as you could until you reached Maine. For a year it was your shelter, then Pennsylvania for six months, then Vermont for two years, and so on. You jumped from state to state in the northeast area for five years. For even longer you knew that Tony could be your biological father. At any time you could have gone to Stark Tower, to follow the only lead you had read once in a file years ago. Yet you didn’t. Instead you hid from the past of who you were and what you were forced to do. If it wasn’t for the voice in the back at your head screaming you would have left the country the second you had the chance. When you finally had enough of the voice there was only one remedy you knew that could soothe the coarse yells that have been echoing in your ears. The moment you stepped foot in front of the tower, the voice ceased. Now you wished there was another voice to tell you what to do now. Originally your plan was to leave the country, perhaps Paris, find a cozy cottage on the outskirts of town away from the population. Maybe get a cat or two, maybe a bird. The point was to finally be free and forget the past, to finally be alone. But there was a tug in a different direction. The direction that kept you with your friends, Maya and Lilly. A chance to be part of a family with the Avengers, who’s trust you have gained from most of the team the near two months you’ve been there. Even Bucky was slowly starting to initiate conversations with you. Even with the new, unexpected life that was thrown your way, making the decision to leave it behind or stick with it was a sea of voice in your mind. For tonight however, you were going to drown out the voices with liquor, loud EDM, and dancing. All of course while keeping an eye on the Asgardian prince. Speaking of which, you thought that he has most likely never been to an earthling party. “So…” you droned out, Loki’s gaze still out the window, “I’m sure you probably haven’t been to a club on Earth before, so I’m giving you a heads up that this is going to be different than whatever parties you’re used to.” Loki cocked an eyebrow, finally turning his head to you, “And what parties would that be?” “I don’t know. I thought it was more like royal stuff with balls and fancy dresses.” Considering he was a prince and the stories Thor told you about Asgard (not to mention Thor and Loki’s choice of fashion and speech), you only assumed Loki had only been to medieval like parties. Loki smirked, almost as if he was reminiscing about the memories, “We did have parties similar to those on Asgard. However I have observed and even participated in Midgardian-like events.” “Oh yeah? When was the last time you partied or to put it in simpler terms, ‘go out’?” Loki thought for a moment, “The most recent I recall was on Sakaar. True the ruler was a clueless sociopath who wanted everything his way, but he did throw marvelous events.” “He sounds like somebody I know.” You teased, not getting a very positive response from Loki. You changed the subject before an awkward silence could interfere, “We need to make a pit stop before we get to the club.” “What for?” “I didn’t have time to get my friend a gift.” It was only five minutes later when you got to the store Lilly loved. It was a small spiritual shop that sold crystals, candles, all sorts of things that Lilly had interest in. She’s a self-proclaimed witch, which didn’t bother you, except for certain incense she burned that filled the entire apartment, nearly setting the smoke alarm off. Hopefully they sold something that Lilly would like and didn’t have. You turned off the car and unbuckled when you noticed Loki wasn’t moving, “Come on, I’m not leaving you alone.” Loki gave an annoyed look, but quietly obeyed and exited the car. The store was small but had a lot of aisles to peruse. You and Loki definitely were out of place, with it’s dark wood floor and even darker concrete walls. Actually, with Loki’s black suit and demeanor he could fit right in. But you were only there for five minutes tops, not wanting to waste any more time. Going through each aisle you took note of what Lilly would enjoy. Most of the items you knew she already had, except for a few mugs that were cheesy like “Witch Please” or “Witches Be Crazy”. The first thing you needed to do was pick out a birthday card, which thankfully the store had a small display on the side. While reading through the cheesy ones, you settled on a card that had a cat on the cover, but had a thoughtful message on the inside. Looking over to Loki, you found him perplexed at not only the greeting cards, but the general atmosphere of the store. “So this friend, she actually is a witch?” “Yeah, but she doesn’t practice a lot of spells. She mostly does tarot cards and sage burnings.” You didn’t fully understand her lifestyle, but you respected it nonetheless. Loki furrowed his brows before continuing down the aisles. After finding Lilly’s card, you skimmed down the aisle until a book caught your eye. The title read: 101 Love Spells to Spice up Your Relationship. You picked up the book, examining the cover and flipped through a few of the pages, taking notice of the more sensual spells. You actually considered buying it as a joke, until a familiar voice rang in your ear. “I didn’t realize Midgard had spell books, especially of the sultry design.” You jumped from the sudden lack of personal space. Loki was leaning towards your ear, observing the book from your hand. “I’m not buying it.” You blurted, taking a step away that ended more like a shuffle, “I mean, this is just a gag book. I wasn’t actually considering it.” If only you had a mirror to prove to yourself your face was red. You tossed the book back onto the shelf with a thud. Next to it was another book, Spells For Self Care. Flipping through the pages this was the perfect book for Lilly. D.I.Y. organic face masks, spells to calm your mind, even some advice on how to deal with stressful energies. You tucked the book under your arm along with the card, “Let’s get out of here,” you said to Loki, determined for you and him to forget about the conversation prior. The two of you checked out the items along with a gift bag and some colorful tissue paper. You were in there a little over five minutes, but you would still make it to the club in time. The drive was short, but the silence made it feel longer. You didn’t know what to talk about to a literal demigod, and small talk wasn’t your forte in the first place. If it weren’t for the traffic you would speed just a bit faster to get to the club even sooner. What else could you talk about with Loki? So what’s your favorite color? Your hopes and dreams? If you had to marry, kill, or f- “Y/N?” Loki asked. “Hm?” You were so lost in thought you didn’t realize you arrived. “Oh, yeah I’m just looking for a spot.” You pulled into a parking garage a few blocks away. The only space you could squeeze into was on the third story, and just your luck the elevator was out of service, forcing the two of you to walk down the concrete stairs in your heels. When you finally made it to the front of the club, the line wasn’t extremely long, but you remembered Maya saying something about telling the bouncer your name and you were in Lilly’s party. So just as Maya said, the bouncer pulled away the velvet rope, but not before asking about Loki. “He’s with me.” You stated. The bouncer gave a questioning glare, but let him through as well. Before you opened the doors to the club itself, you pulled Loki aside in the lounge. “Before we go in, there are a few ground rules.” Loki rolled his eyes, “I thought we already settled those earlier.” “Yes and no. First off, you’re not allowed out of my sight. If I need to go to the bathroom, my friends are in charge of you. Second, don’t try anything funny. Thor told me you like to play tricks, but not tonight. Are we clear?” He grinned ear to ear, placing his hand on his chest, “I give you my word I will not play a trick on your friends.” “Great.” You nodded, averting your gaze, “And one question, do you think anybody will recognize you?” Loki’s grin slowly faded as he tilted his head, “What do you mean?” “Your reputation isn’t exactly… favorable. I don’t know how much you made the news.” “You didn’t know who I was when we first met.” He had a point, you were a bit busy escaping with your life from actual creatures. “Not many people cared to memorize this face. I’ve been here long enough and nobody bats an eye. Now I must ask you the same question.” You tilted your head this time, “I was told of your predicament. Are you sure no one will recognize you?” To be honest, you didn’t know. You’ve been really good about keeping out of trouble, and you haven’t seen any agents in years. “I’m sure we’ll both be fine.” Loki’s grin curved its way back in, “Great.” You sure as hell hoped you sounded convincing. Not just for him, but for yourself.

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Serendipity (C.B) | Chapter 18

Summary: Serendipity: (n) the chance occurrence of events in a beneficial way

Popular youtuber Isabella Hart, known as Bella to her audience, bends over backwards to separate her youtube life from her private life. Known for her overall clean content and her bubbly attitude, Isabella has a wild side to her that only those inside the youtube community know about. When Bella meets Colby during one of the trap house parties she finally meets someone she can be her genuine self with. When trouble arises after their meeting, will Bella be able to hand the pressure or will she destroy her relationship with Colby as well as herself in the process. [This starts in 2018]

Written: 2019

Word Count: 2,831

Warnings: swearing

Serendipity Masterlist

"Thank you so much for this opportunity! And thank you for taking the time to meet with me." I smile at the board members of the company that wants to start a brand deal. My manager shakes their hands before ushering my assistant and me out.

As soon as we walk off the property I wipe off my smile and put on a face mask. It's not that I'm not happy to be able to start getting brand deals again. It's just that these things are normally done through email. This company insisted on meeting with me, and after everything that happened, I don't blame them. But I woke up this morning sick. There was no way we could reschedule without looking bad. So Nick, my new manager, called Addison, my assistant, to pick me up at my apartment and bring me to the meeting while I shoved a bunch of medicine down my throat hoping something would get me through this morning.

"You did great today, Isabella. I'm sorry we couldn't cancel the meeting. And Addison, thank you for coming in early today to help us. Here, why don't you take this and get lunch on me? It's the least I could do." Nick hands Addison forty dollars.

"Thanks, but it is fine. If I couldn't be readily available then I shouldn't be an assistant. Luckily, Isabella isn't like some of the other people out here."

"Well, you should get her home. I'll reschedule everything else you should have for the rest of the week. You should be getting an email about album covers and another about the updated merch designs today. If you want those announcements to be done next week you need to respond to them by Monday." I give Nick a thumbs up.

A few minutes later we're in Addison's car. She explains that she'll drop me off at my apartment and then she'll either order postmates or go pick up our food. I agree, knowing that I'm not hungry and really don't care what she gets or when she gets it, I'll probably fall asleep before that. I pull out my phone and dial Colby's number. It rings for a little bit and goes to voicemail.

"Hey, baby. You're probably filming right now. I was just calling to check-in. I'm not feeling good so I'm probably going to sleep for the rest of the day. Just text me when you get this so I know that you and Sam are alive and not in jail." I end the call. Colby will probably enjoy the voicemail. I leave him one similar every time he and Sam are off in the world doing things they shouldn't and he doesn't answer my check-in calls.

Although, with all of the illegal things Sam and Colby do, we have a plan in case they do get arrested. Colby and I made one because I was stressed and upset because he wasn't stressed. I guess the more times they get away with trespassing and whatnot, the less stress they have. Which honestly stresses me the fuck out even more because they're starting to get cocky. The little shits even tweeted about how lucky they are while exploring. I nearly had a heart attack.

****

"Addy, honestly, if you can just get me water, tea, and soup from wherever it would be much appreciated. Also, for today all you need to do is go through my prop closet to get a few things for my video next week and answer emails. You can go home as soon as you're done. Actually, you can work from home tomorrow. Oh, what the hell, take Friday off too while you're at it." I unlock the door to my apartment and let Addison set up her work station at my dining table.

"Okay, and if I'm still here when the emails about your merch and album cover come in what do you want me to do? Do you want me to wake you up or leave you a note or something?" I grab my laptop from my kitchen counter and set it on my coffee table.

"On the off chance that I'm awake let me know. Other than that just text me and when I get up I'll see it."

I finish editing my video for tomorrow and schedule it to come out. At this rate, I'll still be sick tomorrow and forget to upload. I'll probably miss Colby's calls. With the three hour time difference and the fact that he hardly sleeps, I might not miss them at all. Although, right now he's sharing a hotel room with Sam, and they might even be sharing a bed like they usually do to save money. If that's the case, Sam likes to wake up early no matter how late he sleeps. Meaning that if Colby wants any chance of trying to get a decent amount of sleep, he'll have to sleep at a decent time. Lucky for him you're not a morning person unless you have to be.

****

I wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. I slowly open my eyes and see that it's not even late yet. The night light I turned on just in case I woke up in the middle of the night doesn't even look like it's on. I grab the phone and put it to my ears. I look at the clock on my side table and see that it's nearly five-thirty.

"Hello?" My voice is virtually gone.

"Wow, you sound like shit," Jake mentions on the other end.

"I'm sick you jackass. What do you want?"

"Have you heard from Sam or Colby?" The tone in his voice is worried. I sit up in bed and quickly check my messages and missed calls. The only message I have is from Addison.

"No, I haven’t. What happened?" My heart sinks.

"I rather not tell you over the phone. Just come over."

"Jake, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

"Isabella, just get over here and I promise I'll tell you everything." Jake hangs up the phone before I can try to make him tell me what's happening.

I quickly order an uber and shove things like my wallet and keys in my backpack. I hesitate on bringing my laptop and eventually just shove it in my bag along with my phone and laptop chargers. I throw in the cold medicine and fill my hydro flask with water. I scan my apartment to make sure I'm not forgetting anything important. Only, I don't know what's going on so I don't know if I'm missing anything. I grab a fresh face mask and go wait for my uber outside. It's a ten-minute drive but in my state of worry and the amount of medicine I consumed today means I'm in no shape to drive myself.

****

I get to the trap house and everyone is downstairs in the kitchen. Kat is here too, which makes sense. Jake told me to come over so he'd also call Sam's girlfriend. Everyone is talking seriously and stop when they see me walk in.

"Can I know what's going on now?" I set my bag down on the floor and join the little circle.

"Jake and I have been trying to get in contact with Sam and Colby all day. We thought they were exploring but then we remembered the time difference in Florida. They never said they were going to do an overnight so we panicked a bit." Kat explained.

"I put it on Twitter and jokingly said that I hope they're not in jail. Well, the fans being the little geniuses that they are managed to find them." Jake continues. He types something on his laptop.

"Well, where are they?" Jake flips his laptop around and shows Sam and Colby's mug shots.

"Our boys done fucked up and actually got arrested this time," Corey says while running his hand through his hair.

"We're trying to figure out what to do. We can't get in contact with them or the police station."Aaron says. He's on his computer trying to do some research.

"I have their lawyer's number," I look through my phone and search my contacts, "I kept telling Colby that we needed a plan in case something like this happens and he gave me all the important contacts. Those dumb fucks, I told them yesterday that they jinxed themselves with that stupid tweet."

I give the number to Aaron who goes into another room and calls the lawyer. I pull out my laptop and open up twitter. All everyone is doing is freaking out, making jokes, or posting the mug shots. I do what I can with the information from the mug shots and find the arrest reports.

"Guys, you got an even bigger problem, then Sam and Colby being in jail. Arrest reports are public record and they have to put the address of the people that get arrested. Meaning, that fans are going to have your address."

"Well, that is double great," Corey says.

Kat peeks over my shoulders as I read the arrest report. While Aaron is on the phone with the lawyer I feed him information from the report to make things go faster. Jake went back upstairs to stream with Griffin.

"Okay, real talk. Are we going to have to physically go down there and bail them out or should we like, buy them tickets to come home?" Corey asks.

"We shouldn't need to go down there or buy them tickets. Honestly, I'd just wait for Aaron to get done with the lawyer." Kat says as she scrolls through twitter.

In another tab I have twitter opened up that maybe the fans can help find out more information. I keep refreshing the report pages hoping for some change. Eventually one of the refreshes shows the bail amount.

"What the fuck? Okay so Sam's bail is $2000 but Colby's bail is $6000. What did he do? He has three charges for... Oh my fucking God, I'm dating a dumbass."

"What did he do?" Kat rushes in from the other room.

"He still had his fake ids on him. He's 22, what the hell is he doing with them still? I know he still gets carded when we go out so he should know they're in there. And why does he have two?"

Kat can't help but laugh and I quickly join her. When they come back we're going to have a lot of fun making fun of them about this. Eventually, I go back on twitter and see that Elijah is adding more fuel to the fire by saying he's helping. I quickly pull out my phone and dial his number. After a few rings, he picks up.

"Hello?"

"What are you doing?"

"Who is this?"

"It's Isabella. Why are you tricking the fans into thinking that you're helping?"

"I'm not—"

"If you think you can gain clout from this situation, we're going to have a real problem."

"Are you threatening me?"

"No, I'm telling you that you either help us out for real or shut the fuck up because we don't need the added stress right now."

"I do want to help. Trust me, I know more about this than you think."

"I don't doubt that. Give me a few minutes and I'll text you." I hang up and ask Aaron if I could give his number to Elijah. When he says yes I send his number and attempt to do damage control on twitter.

Based on what I'm reading fans are calling the station and camping outside. I know they mean well but they are possibly making the situation worse and making it difficult for us to do what we need to do. Also, by trying to camp out at the station they are potentially putting themselves in danger.

I also see that Jake is publicly calling Elijah out and Elijah is baiting him. I quickly run upstairs and knock on the door. I explain that Elijah is helping to Jake. His live stream is still on so I make sure to whisper and cover my mouth.

"You're hot," Jake says randomly.

"Wha—" Jake surprises me by putting his hand on my forehead.

"Oh shit, you're burning up."

"I told you I was sick when you called."

"Hey Griff, take over for a bit. I'll be back. If she dies while Colby's in jail, he'll kick all of our asses." Jake stands up and drags me out of the room.

"I have medicine in my backpack. I'll take it and go back to what I was doing." I try to go downstairs but Jake keeps pulling me towards the Sam and Colby hallway.

"Oh no, you won't. Colby told us to keep an eye on you while he's gone. You're going to sleep in Colby's room. I'll get your bag. You're sweating and your body heat is radiating off of you."

I'm too tired to argue with Jake. I walk into the room and flop down on the bed. I'll clean the sheets before Colby gets back so he doesn't get sick. Jake leaves and a few minutes later he comes back with Kat. They reassure me that they have everything under control and that they'll only wake me if it was necessary. After a few minutes, I fall asleep.

****

I wake up to the sound of someone walking around the room. I open my eyes and see grey in front of me. It takes a few seconds to remember that I'm still at the trap house and sleeping on Colby's couch. In the middle of the night after the boys got arrested I had a false sense of maybe I wasn't sick anymore. I quietly cleaned Colby's bed of all my germs. It wasn't until after I made Colby's bed and at some of his snacks that I felt sick again and that I might throw up. Luckily I didn't, but as a precaution, I slept on the couch because it was the closest to the door.

The rest of Friday was a blur. I remember times when Jake, Aaron, Devyn, or Corey would wake me up to eat or take medicine. In those moments they would fill me in on what's going on with Sam and Colby. The last thing I remember was hearing was that Colby finally got out on bail and that they would be flying back tomorrow. It was still early because I had to respond to the emails about my merch and album art before going back to sleep.

I turn to see Colby tip-toeing around the room. His eyes lock with mine and he smiles.

"Good morning beautiful," He whispers while coming to sit next to me. I sit up and latch on to him.

"You're home. You're safe. Are you okay? Not hurt anywhere?" I quickly check him over.

"I'm fine, Iz. I'm okay, I promise." Colby chuckles to himself.

"Good, then I won't feel bad when I do this." I smack Colby hard against the head.

"Ow! What the fuck? What was that for?" Colby rubs the spot where I hit him.

"Oh, you know why, you jerk. That was for making me worry and for not getting rid of your fake ids."

"I'm sorry. For making you worry. And honestly, I forgot that I had them in my wallet."

"I'm only partially sorry for smacking you. Anyway, are you really okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really; not right now anyway. All I want to do is sleep in my bed with you next to me."

"Just don't kiss me. I'm still a bit sick."

I climb into the bed before Colby. He puts his suitcase away and takes off his shirt before climbing in next to me. I lay my head on his chest and trace circles on his chest. Colby rubs my back softly. It's quiet for a while. I can't fall back asleep. I can't tell if it's because I basically slept for 2 days or because Colby is keeping things bottled up.

"Hey, Iz? You still up?" Colby asks. He doesn't stop rubbing my back.

"Yeah. What's wrong?" I sit up and prop my head in my hand.

"Nothing's wrong. After Sam and I met with the lawyer this morning we decided to stop exploring abandoned buildings for a bit. We're still going to explore, we're just going to do it safely and legally. I was wondering if you would come with us one day?"

"Yeah, I'll go. We can talk about it more when the three of us are together. Now go to sleep. Want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"I wouldn't hate it if you did." I lay my head back down on Colby's chest and start to softly sing a song at the top of my head. Soon Colby drifts off to sleep and I join soon after.

[skullsandfairylights]

Writer’s Month 2019

Day 6: Word Prompt: kids 

Mark loved his son. Tim was his world. Especially after all the hassle he had gone through during the adoption process; there was the question of stability around Mark’s main source of income coming from his YouTube channel and as well as how he would deal with travelling when con-time came around due to him being a single parent. But in the end, the case went through and Mark found himself with the adorable little Timothy. Tim was only four years old when he came to live with Mark and, in the two years that they had been a family, both Tim and Mark had settled into a comfortable routine.

           Each morning, Mark would wake up early and go for a run or walk with Chica before he prepped for breakfast. Mark would then wake Tim who would pad through to the kitchen, clamber up onto his seat to eat and watch cartoons on the kitchen TV as he ate his breakfast. Mark would then drop his son off at school with money for his lunch in his pocket and his little rucksack on his back before he drove home to record some videos for the day.

           On the days when recording would take longer than planned, Mark relied on one of his friends to pick Tim up. Most of Mark’s friends didn’t mind picking up the now six-year-old as Tim had a way of charming everyone he met, especially his pseudo-aunts and uncles, who all adored the little boy.

           Then when all videos had been edited and uploaded to the channel, the little family would get together and eat dinner before spending quality time together; watching a movie or playing games until it was time for bed.

           Mark would then tuck Tim in and whisper a “Sleep tight, Little Biscuit.” followed by a kiss to Tim’s hairline before Mark left the room switching off the lights as he went.

           Life was good for the Fischbach’s.

 ~💕~

 “So, did you have a good time today?” Mark asked as he entered the dining room carrying two plates of chicken with mash potatoes and mixed vegetables. He placed one plate, with a slightly smaller portion pre-cut into mouthful-size pieces, in front of his son before he settled down in his seat opposite.

           “Yeah, Daddy! It was really cool! We went to the park! But it wasn’t Kyle’s mom or dad who took us, it was his big brother, Jason! He pushed us on the swings and he spun us on the roundabout! And we went super super super fast! It was awesome! Then we played hide and seek in the trees and bushes around the park! And I won because Jason helped me climb a tree and Kyle couldn’t find me for ages!” Mark smiled as he listened to his son’s tale. He expected there might be a small bit of exaggeration concerning how long it took Kyle to find the other boy but so long as he was happy.

           “Remember to eat your dinner before it gets cold.” The adult in the room pointed out when Tim took a pause for breath.

           “Yes, Daddy!” Tim exclaimed, suddenly gathering a large amount of chicken and potato onto his fork and trying to shove it all into his mouth.

           “Not so much, Tim. Just what you can chew. You can talk after.” Tim nodded his head and began to take smaller, more appropriate bites of food. After managing to eat a few mouthfuls, Tim made a show of swallowing before taking a deep breath to start talking again.

           “Then, Jason took us to McDonald’s and I got a chicken nugget Happy Meal! And then! And then! Then we went for ice cream at Scooby Doo’s!” Mark smiled at his son, knowing that ‘Scooby Doo’s’ was Tim’s way of saying ‘Scoopy Doo’, a little cafe and ice cream shop in town that sold homemade ice cream in a wide variety of flavours from the normal and expected to those unique to the cafe.

           “That sounds like fun,” The adult remarked as Tim shovelled another forkful of food into his mouth. “Did you get your favourite?”

           “Yup! I gots a large cone and a flake!” Mark knew all about the flake, when he had picked Tim up, the boy had flecks of chocolate smeared into his t-shirt along with the large ice cream drip stains. “Then we went back to Kyle’s house and we played in his garden all afternoon! We played pirates and guarded our treasures from the evil shark that wanted to steal it! It was so much fun! We pretended that the treehouse in Kyle’s garden was our ship and Rodger was the shark!” Rodger being the other family’s pet dog; a small, excitable beagle. “And then Jason came outside and played with us in the treehouse! He was Davey Jones! And he tried sink our ship by controlling the shark! But then! We fed the shark Davey Jones’ hand like Captain Hook in Peter Pan! And we won!”

           “Well, it sounds like you had a very exciting day.” Mark smiled fondly at his son as the boy scraped the last bites of food into his mouth. Tim then carefully put his fork and knife together in the centre of his plate, copying his father’s actions. “So, I guess that means that it’s an early night for a certain little boy?”

           The look on Tim’s face evolved from a big smile to a look of horror and he suddenly yelled in protest, “But it’s movie night! We always stay up and watch movies on deh weekends!”  

           “But surely you’re too tired from your long day of being a pirate?”

           “No!”

           “Alright, well how about we go and run you a bath, then once you’re in your PJs, we can put a movie in?” Tim quickly nodded and scurried from his chair as Mark stood up and carried both his plate and Tim’s plate over to the sink, to wash up as Tim took his bath.

           The running footsteps alerted Mark to Tim’s presence and when he turned around, he found his son donned in his bathrobe, hugging a clear plastic box to his chest. Mark led the way through to the bathroom, where he filled up the tub with warm water and helped Tim to get settled. He then gave Tim his bath crayons and dropped a couple of toys into the water before he said, “I’ll just be in the kitchen, so just shout if you need anything.” Tim nodded his head though he seemed to be already engrossed in creating his first piece of artwork on the tiled wall.

      ��    For the next fifteen minutes, Mark washed up the dishes and wiped the countertops before he retreated to Tim’s bedroom to set out the boy’s pyjamas. Once Mark had completed the few tasks he needed to, he rejoined his son in the bathroom.

           Tim had been busy during the time Mark had been away. The white tiles on the walls now held a collage of colourful pictures. One was, Mark assumed, supposed to be Tim and Kyle on a pirate ship, with a strange beagle-shark hybrid cresting the spiky waves, jagged teeth gnashing. Another image, Mark guessed, was supposed to be Tim’s family; Tim in the centre with Mark next to him, and then gradually scattered all around was Mark’s close friends who had all begun to fulfill large roles in the young boy’s life. Then the other images seemed to be a collection of rainbow animals, though if you asked Mark to identify them, he certainly would have struggled to give any definite names or labels.

           “Hey, Squishy, ready to wash your hair?” Tim turned his attention away from his latest drawing, something that used a lot of green, and nodded to his dad, dropping the crayon into the plastic box. Mark reached out for the children’s shampoo and set about washing his son’s hair for him. “Ready to get out now, or do you want to play some more?” Mark asked once Tim had finished rinsing the product from his hair.

           “Play more!” Tim exclaimed, enthusiastically, suddenly thrusting a shark toy into his dad’s hands, “You’re the shark, Daddy!”

           Mark laughed, glad he was already wearing short sleeves as he plunged his hands into the water to make the shark swim. “Okay, ten more minutes then we’ll get you ready for bed before we watch a movie.” Tim nodded and grabbed the boat toy, talking as though he were the pirates aboard the boat.

 By the time the Fischbach’s were ready to settle down and put on a movie, it was almost eight thirty. Tim had been changed into his Spiderman-themed pyjamas, had brushed his teeth and was hugging his favourite teddy bear; handmade with black button eyes and a little pink moustache, dressed in a little red-and-white striped jacket. Mark had similarly changed into his pyjama pants and a comfy t-shirt and was happily curled up under a blanket with his son under one arm and Chica under the other. The movie played in the quiet of the living room, the only other sound being the rhythmic thudding of Chica’s tail as it wagged happily against the fabric of the sofa.

           It wasn’t even half an hour into the film when Tim was out cold, snoring lightly. Mark sat in place for a while, ensuring that the boy was fully asleep before he carefully untangled himself from the blanket and lifted Tim into his arms. Chica padded behind the man, happy to follow along behind as Mark made his way to Tim’s bedroom. Carefully, he balanced the small boy against his chest with one arm as he pulled back the duvet to tuck Tim in.

           Tim stirred for a moment but showed no sign of waking. Mark smiled and bent down to kiss Tim’s forehead, whispering a good night into the boy’s hair. He turned back towards the door to see Chica staring at him, head tilted to one side. She sat at the end of the bed and lightly pet at the floor with her front paws.

           “Come on, Chica, out. Maybe when he’s older.” Mark whispered, gently urging the dog out the door. “Okay, bed, Chica.” Chica seemed reluctant but eventually she padded out the door, followed by Mark after he had switched on the night light on the chest of drawers.

           Mark then walked with Chica to the sliding door leading out to the patio and back garden and let the dog outside. He flicked on the outside lights and left Chica to her business as he set to work cleaning the bathroom.

           Half an hour later found Mark locking all the doors and checking the windows. Chica was back inside and likely to be upstairs in Mark’s bedroom, curled up on the dog pillow. On his way to his bedroom, he peeked his head into Tim’s room to check on his son and smiled as he saw the small lump shuffle. Mark smiled softly, pulling the door mostly shut but leaving it slightly ajar.

           Mark brushed his teeth and did his night time routine in the en suite of the Master bedroom. Chica raised her head to look at him as he made his way over to the bed. The dog bed was positioned at the end of the double bed, pressed up right against the side. Mark pet the dog’s head lovingly as he passed, leaning down to press a quick kiss to the dog’s nose. “’Night pupper.”

           Climbing under the covers, Mark got himself comfortable before running through tomorrow’s plan. Tim was back at school. He’d gotten his homework done on the Saturday – Tim had sat with Mark as he edited some videos in the home office, working through the sheet of symmetrical shapes and looking for real-world examples - and his backpack was all ready to go by the front door. Mark had already planned out which videos he would be recording and which games he would play, he usually aimed to try and get two or three filmed, even if they weren’t all edited straight away.

           It didn’t take Mark long to fall asleep, listening to the slow huffs from Chica.

[blankdblank]

Richard Armitage x Artist Request

 - Hope you like it!! -- Bit ‘heated’ towards the end but mostly fluff

Tags –

@himoverflowers​, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator​, @sweeticedtea​, @ggbbhehe4455​, @thegreyberet​, @patanghill17​, @jesgisborne​, @curvestrology​, @abiwim​​, @deepestfirefun​

…

With your eyes locked onto the sketchpad attachment for your desktop before you, square by square came into life bringing the final chapter of a short series you would soon add to your collection on your art pages with links to the videos you normally filmed to add to your small fan base’s enjoyment. With the first portrait you posted, one of Darth Vader you posted and sent to a friend for them in hopes of getting it as a tattoo a request was brought so your friends that  enjoyed watching you bring your imagination to life you started filming your sketching and a few of your less intricate paintings. Since you’d left school you’d gained a following and with your videos brought a wider chance to receive requests and to answer questions from those less familiar with the process or your work.

Through your vast love of the fantasy genre you had a great deal of knowledge about the characters you were requested to create works for. Though lately with your notoriety came quite an unwelcome prank. For nearly a week now a teenager kept calling and calling after somehow getting your phone number claiming to be from an art magazine. Flattering sure, but from a teen that refused to allow you to speak to anyone else that actually knew the details of the story they wanted to supposedly write on you a flat out refusal was offered and so far still unaccepted.

Sighing mid explanation of your addition of a banana in the background of your latest story with Bofur and Nori traveling to Gondor your eyes shifted to the ringing phone then you glanced at the camera recording on your laptop to say, “Hold on guys.” Before your arm rose to hit the space bar to pause the taping as you gripped your phone to lift to your ears with a beep at your hitting the call button, “Bob’s Steakhouse You Kill ‘Em We Grill ‘Em!” Faking a cheerful tone before you giggled softly and said, “Oh, Sorry dad. No thought it was the prank caller again. How’s it all with you back home?”

Your smile grew as you lowered your pencil pausing your creation until the conversation was through. Bringing a sense of ease to your mood before you hung up and started your video with another apology before finishing your answer for the question that was posted on your page before answering the next dozen while you uploaded the completed image to your page before adding the video up to your youtube page after a brief edit. 

Stretching after a groan escaped you as the phone rang again, answering the teen’s voice rang out again only to die as you hung up and quickly punched in the number you found online for the magazine that rang and was promptly answered by a warm caring voice of a young woman who seemed just eager to help. Within moments of asking, your call was transferred to the manager of the department the teen had claimed to be from with a stern man who seemed agitated beyond belief answered with a forced pleasant tone. “_ Art Magazine, Henry Callem speaking.”

Standing to start a pace you asked in your pleasantest of tones, “I was wondering if you’re doing a spread on the artist Honey Pear?”

Blinking the clenching of his jaw could be heard from over the phone as you imagined his powerful glare being aimed at the teen who shrank to the size of a grape and fled, “We are trying to but we can’t seem to get them to agree to it. How exactly would you know that?”

Tensing for a moment you blinked and replied, “Well you’ve got her on the phone now. And for the love of everything purple do not put me back on with Travis!”

Blinking his lips parted lowering the phone to glance at it then to raise it back to his ear to rapidly spit out, “Has, has he been rude to you?”

“Not exactly, but he isn’t exactly informed on what your point of the artwork you wanted for the magazine was supposed to be. Just kept mumbling about having to make more calls and refused to pass me along to another person who knew what was actually wanted.”

“Miss Pear.” His throat cleared as you heard the creaking of his leather chair as he reclined, “Travis must have mistaken what I told him. It’s not so much of a spread as a piece about you and your work. More specifically your work about the Hobbit franchise. Now we pitched the idea and out of all your work the most popular results came back about your work on Thorin and Richard Armitage, whose Agent actually called us when he found out about our poll. He’s willing to sit to do a piece on his reactions to one of his more accomplished fan’s work.”

Frozen your body locked then released as your heart started again through your legs lowering you onto the arm of your couch, “So, just so I have this straight, you’re wanting me to, what sketch Mr Armitage in the interview?”

He chuckled briefly, “No, see the poll was on suggested pieces you should bring to life and we were hoping you would do the top three while we get a brief piece on Mr Armitages’ views on his fans’ artwork inspired by his various characters and the rest will be about you and your building websites featuring your artwork and videos. Does that sound like something you’d be willing to do?” Biting his lip anxiously awaiting your answer.

Blinking again you struggled with the one syllable before it just slipped out, “Yes, yes it sounds, yes.”

He chuckled again drawing eyes towards his glass encased office as he swing his fist happily before grabbing his pen and pad of paper as you both chose a loose appointment for you to come in for the interview. Before he hung up to call the Agent back to double check which of the dates were available, soon leaving you a giggling and squealing mess at the confirmed date.

…

Trembling and nearly numb your hands tingled as you ceased the brief shake you put them through, eyeing your reflection. A dress wasn’t you, not when you worked, so your favorite jeans and an imagined lucky shirt with a trex across the back over your favorite heels, because you didn’t need to feel any smaller that you already are, along with a hope the extra few inches might add to your confidence. 

Just don’t pass out, or squeal or turn red. Maybe pink, I can live with pink, you can lie and say it’s warm, or cold.. 

Shaking your hands again you exhaled filling your backpack with your supplies before making the trip across town to the magazine catching a glimpse of the camera surrounded car causing you to bump into the doorman. An elderly man who gave you a smile as you apologized before giving you the proper directions to follow as the voices grew louder behind you.

A short elevator ride later after making sure your long ponytail was secured to remain out of your way through the sketching. Forcing your faint smile to remain on your face you entered the crowded floor of people anxiously waiting for the actor you had beaten upstairs. Holding your expression your eyes shifted to the gangly teen that nudged the stern man’s side as he looked over the notes of what was expected causing him to look at the teen who was pointing at you as his lips formed your name. 

Turning his head Mr Callem approached with a smile offering his hand for a brief hand shake before showing you through to the private meeting room you would be working in allowing you to pull out your things and look over the list of ideas from the poll they had offered. Sitting back your legs crossed trough your lean flipping the page your hand slid over your basic pencil grabbing your sketchbook to mock up a stick figure model of the top three in a few varying layouts with arrows and scribbled notes including various runes and symbols that were requested.

Drawing your lip inside your mouth you missed the tall actor stopped just outside the meeting room eyeing your lounged frame darting your bright eyes from one sheet to the other between random flicks to double check another. Barely listening to the rambling story of the teen that had nearly broken the deal for him and his Agent as well. 

His eyes trailed over you again with slowly parting lips at the growing wonder at how such a young woman could have gained such a following through this. Early twenties was the guess his Agent had given when he skimmed over a few of your videos before managing to get him to agree. Though the focused gaze you held revealed the chance of you merely appearing younger than you were, with small lines forming between your brows as his eyes trailed to your teeth pinning your bottom lip as he managed to answer the latest of the teen’s questions.

Shifting his gaze back to Mr Callem who strolled through the door he watched your expression shift with the freeing of your lip as the sun was allowed to shine on your amber eyes drawing them to a soft honey tone causing the corner of Richard’s mouth to quirk up when they shifted and landed on him. Stepping forward he moved around the teen being drug away, knowing he would only irritate you both again, while Richard moved closer to the table eyeing you set the book and pencil down on the table as you rose driving his smile wider at your short stature. Within the momentary shift upright your entire expression shifted drawing a bright yet slightly nervous smile through your anxious quiet chuckle before claiming his large hand with your slender hand as he said, “You must be Honey.”

His smile grew larger eyeing over your growing smile as you nodded, “Well it’s Suzsienne, actually, but everyone outside family calls me Honey.”

Smiling larger at your flashing French accent soon gone again after, your hands released as you glanced at the Agent who introduced himself accepting your handshake as well before you stole another glance at Richard, who still had his eyes fixed on yours. Inhaling slowly you glanced at Mr Callem again claiming your seat as he offered saying, “Seems like you’re already laying the groundwork.” With a smile he broke your focus thankfully from the blue eyes gazing beams into the side of your head as his large frame settled into the seat across from you adjusting his jacket over his button down shirt and jeans.

Your smile flashed a bit larger as you answered, “Just the extra details.”

Shifting your eyes again you spotted Richard’s eyes scanning over your rough doodles leaving him wondering what they could be while his brows pressed together curiously. Turning his gaze away you were able to draw a steady breath as he shifted his chair to face Mr Callem as a photographer came in to snap pictures of your artwork as it progressed. Stealing another glance at you Richard watched as you tore the example doodles page free to set aside, giving him a clearer glance at the jumbled messes. 

Your fingers blindly slid over their wooden coating before landing on your simple black pencil. Smiling again his eyes landed on the man again missing your first strokes, breezing through his rambling answer only glancing back again at the sideways glance catching your fingers sliding over another blindly with your bottom lip claimed for another bite while those lines grew with your concentration again.

Looking at the page his lips parted seeing the simple prompt nearly mocked out in bold thick lines as you raised the green pencil next for a few highlighting details after simply tapping the unsharpened end twice, flipping it then pressing it to the page adding the simplistic details shifting it from adequate closer to extraordinary. Of course the Bofur centered image wasn’t a surprise as he was told the Dwarf was your most popular lately with your added slew of adventures for him. But without even realizing it as his interview had ended Nori was fit into the background in the nearly 3D artwork before the latest of the pictures was snapped at its completion with the addition of a small gnome on top of a pear in the center of your signature.

Sliding it across the table towards Mr Callem your fingers selected the basic black pencil again to start on the first layer of the second and Dwalin centered drawing that Richard smiled larger at in anticipation with a hope he could send a picture to Graham upon its completion. Lowering his eyes again he dreaded touching it in hopes of possibly damaging it in some way, treating it as if it was some immaculate piece of classical art before he felt your flashing gaze as he gave his opinion on it. 

Turning back to the man he skimmed through yet another stream of artwork from other fans giving you some time to complete your second piece before his eyes trailed back to you as you answered each question you were given quite animatedly with your eyes still fixed on the page. Soon enough Richard snapped and sent his picture of your sketch of Dwalin choking another Dwarf over the cookies he’d stolen from him to his friend drawing a laugh from him as he said, “Graham asked if he could have a copy of that one to frame.”

Freezing your eyes rose to the actor again with a stunned blink then eyeing the drawing you were currently working on hoping and failing to hide your growing blush as Mr Callem agreed if you did as they were only going to scan copies for their magazine and pass the originals back. Smiling again Richard and his Agent stood and moved to lean over your shoulders, watching as the intricate battle scene came into life before their eyes. After finalizing the last one, a few more questions were offered as your images were scanned and you handed over the sketch to Richard as you all stood again. You fought the urge to collapse caving in to your weak knees as your picture was captured at the side of his large frame, both with large smiles as you held up your art.

Moving through to the elevator again your hand raised your bag higher on your shoulder biting back your groan to force a smile as Travis’ hand stopped the metal doors from closing only to move aside allowing Richard and his Agent through. With both of them smiling at you in return unsure of what to say exactly until Richard asked, “So could I see more of your work?”

You met his gaze again nodding only managing to say, “Sure, if you’d like.”

Soon enough you’d swapped information with his Agent, at his insistence of course to handle the meetings between you for another day Richard would have a few hours free to stop in at your place to skim through your studio.

.

Though arriving at the impressive townhouse the pair of them eyed it curiously wondering how you could afford the incredible place. Climbing the steps the Agent’s finger hit the doorbell and they waited through a strange cymbal crashing behind the door making Richard chuckle before you appeared at the suddenly open door revealing you with your hair pooling out over your face as you quickly chuckled, “Sorry, Uncles dog, gets a bit excited at the bell.” Reaching up to brush your hair free stepping back to allow them inside to give another impressed glance around at the immaculately furnished house before facing you again, “Tea, coffee, I think I might have some juice here too somewhere?” Their smiles grew as you pulled your hair back in a bun forcing your baggy cardigan more suited to their frames than yours revealing the tank top and jeans with a few patches of paint across the thighs.

Richard’s eyes met yours saying, “Tea would be lovely. Thank you.” You nodded and glanced at the Agent as he said, “Same please.” Turning and leading them into the amazing kitchen causing Richard’s eyes to wander around as you collected the already whistling kettle as he said, “Your place is incredible.”

Smiling up at him again as you served the tea offering add ons as you sipped on your own, “Thank you. My Uncle’s actually, he’s in Switzerland, got an offer for Chief of Surgery and wanted someone to take over the rent and watch his dog.”

They smiled at you again before the Agent asked, “Does your art pay for all this?”

You giggled brushing your hair back from your face again, “Fan art, kind of. I also paint murals and illustrate for Children’s books. Not like Dr Seuss big but it’s steady work.”

They smiled again enjoying their tea through their brief roam over the ground floor to see the few of your pieces there before leaving your cups and going to the top floor. All white with solid deep wood floors with dozens of windows filling the room with light showing off all your scattered pieces. For nearly an hour they pointed out each one that drew their eye for a back story for it before the Agent’s phone buzzed for a call urging them back down again. Quietly lingering as the Agent went down first allowing Richard to ask, “I was wondering if we could meet up again.”

You nodded, “Sure, just um, ya have him call me for when you’re free.”

His eyes met yours after he leaned back to catch a glimpse at his Agent making sure he was still distracted on his phone as Richard drew his, “Actually I hoped we might try without him hovering about work, if you don’t mind that is.”

You smiled accepting his phone to punch your number in as you asked, “You sure he won’t snap at you for taking my number? He seemed so adamant about it.”

Richard chuckled softly giving you a bright smile, “Just wants to protect me.” His eyes lowered to his phone as his brows pressed together, “You saved it under Pear?”

You nodded, “Well it was either Miss Pear or Honey and I doubt you would want anyone to take the obvious use of that endearment seriously and start spreading rumors. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the pair of you avoiding saying it.”

Making him chuckle again, “It did seem a bit too familiar a nickname to use.”

“Well if you think of one use it, even if it’s something like Benjamin.” Making him chuckle again, “Just anything but Darling, please.”

His brow rose and he playfully asked, “And why wouldn’t that make the list?”

You giggled again, “Can’t help it’s a weakness for the accent, makes my knees buckle.” His smile grew as you continued, “That and Love, call me that I’ll swoon and I’m eternally yours.” Giggling wondering why you’d said that at all as he laughed smiling at you brightly. Watching as you started down the stairs and he followed after sliding his phone back in his pocket, but not before switching the title on your contact to Honey. Waiting for the first chance to see it pop up, eagerly planning his sneaking away from his Agent.

A few sneak away coffee house meetings later led to a stroll through a large library in the middle of downtown that drew a curious glance from Richard until you giggled saying, “Just wait you’ll see why we’re here.”

He smirked and followed after you taking his normal place at your side through the winding rows of books after a trip up a set of stairs before one last turn that drew a soft gasp from Richard eyeing the massive mural across the wall of the Children’s section with several characters from countless of the books available, “You asked about one of my murals, and the Children’s wing of the Hospital’s a bit harder to get in.” Making him chuckle as he moved closer to get a better look before leading you out to steal you away for a lunch realizing more and more he was not so subtly falling for you already doing all he could to spend as much time with you before he had to go overseas for another fan meet.

…

Stretched out along your stomach completing the detailed doodle of your next original series before glancing up from your spot on the couch after the large Saint Bernard jumping from your back and racing to the door with an excited tail wag to welcome the guest. Climbing over his back you opened the door bringing Richard into view holding his umbrella and a bag of take out asking through a slight pant, “Hungry?”

Smiling through a giggle you let him inside and with the door locking again your timid friendship grew through a deeply loving stolen kiss as he broke his own sentence on his travels, unable to hold back his wishful intentions for surprising you. Soon happily curled around you through the movie you’d picked for after the meal and again near your sink after adding your dishes there, gripping you firmly in his arms to softly ask by your ear, “How has your week been, Darling.”

His smile grew as he chuckled through your giggle, gently kissing your cheek while your hands ran along his arms filling him in on the few things you’d managed to get done before you were led back to the couch for more snuggling and stolen kisses.

...

Two years had nearly flown by revealing the not so sudden switch from Darling to Love that brought a smile to Richard’s face each time he caught the same lovable still unintentional yet slightly swooning reaction each and every time he used it pulling his heart just a bit closer to your full control each time he saw it. Partially moved in with you he was still inching his way towards that discussion, even though he did spend nearly most days with you, and nearly all nights after as well.

Though on his latest return yet again he found you stretched out along your stomach staring at a blank page when a weight was added to the bed behind you making you smile as he gently rested across your back kissing the backs of your shoulders before your cheek rumbling out, “What’s with that face Love?” Still holding his smile from seeing the adorable wrinkles between your brows and your reddened bottom lip from your focused biting.

Turning your head you ran your nose along his before pressing your lips to his, “Just stumped on this request.”

He chuckled softly resting his lips against your shoulder again after asking, “What’s this one on?”

You giggled softly laying your face against the blank page, “It’s supposed to be a unique one on you.”

“Unique how?”

You nodded, “Only specifications, just something that isn’t already all over the world.”

Chuckling softly he kissed your cheek again, “Need some inspiration then?”

You giggled softly feeling his hands on your hips, “And just what are you referring to as inspiration for me?”

He chuckled nearly purring against your ear, “Perhaps I could model for you, just this once.”

Giggling again you felt his grip tighten as he pulled you back towards the edge of the bed, turning you over and lifting you in his arms collecting your sketch pad and pencils, passing them to you and carrying you to the couch downstairs. Gently kissing you as he turned starting to remove his shirt and paused at you saying, “Normally I film my sketching remember?”

His eyes narrowed leaning in to kiss you again, “Just this once.” Pressing his lips to yours again as he helped you to your feet again, patting you on the butt playfully as you walked up to get your camera for the filming.

Returning down again only to find him stripped to his briefs flexing and stretching through various poses trying to find the best one making you laugh out loud bringing a smile to his face as he chuckled saying, “No laughing or I won’t be able to hold a pose. Now which one do you think is best?”

You giggled moving closer to him abandoning the camera on the couch to steal another kiss from him before helping his body find the best pose. Holding still for short intervals you promptly sketched his figure with basic details of his muscles fluidly forming the near Greek Statuesque pose to which you added armor and a sword while your camera remained fixed on the page. Pausing the filming on his breaks due to his breaking into chuckles and his obviously heated gazes as he rumbled, “I know that look Love.”

You smirked back eyeing his shoulders shifting as he took a sip of the drink he’d claimed in his latest break, “You’re mostly naked in front of me. Why wouldn’t I have a look?”

He chuckled again, “Camera off?”

You nodded and he moved closer giving the sketch a quick glance with an impressed smile purring into your ear, “Have I told you lately how incredibly talented you are?”

You giggled again kissing his nose, “Oh about every day.”

Chuckling again he eyed the sketch again, “Leaving my freckles for last?”

You shot him a playful glare, “They’re not being added.”

“You don’t like my freckles?”

Nudging his shoulder with yours you giggled as he chuckled, “I love your freckles. So much so in fact I refuse to let anyone else know about them. The movies cover them and I’m not sharing them.”

His lips found yours for another kiss moving the sketch pad from your lap lifting you in his arms, “Perhaps we should see just how many of my freckles won’t be going in the sketch.”

Sliding your arms around his neck you dropped your pencil on the couch saying, “There’s more than a few that certainly are in quite intimate locations.”

He smirked climbing the stairs, kissing along your neck purring, “And those would be?”

Another muffled chuckle came from him as one of your hands lowered to slide under his briefs pressing a fingertip gently against a spot on his groin you could find blindly, that drew a pulse from him, “This one first.”

Chuckling again bumps rose along his skin as your fingertips trailed around to his flexing butt cheek to press again, “You really memorized all of them?”

Chuckling again he laid you out on the bed settling out above you smiling at you lovingly as you curled your limbs around him as he stretched out, “Why wouldn’t I? You haven’t memorized anything on me?”

His smile grew, purring again as his hand traveled to your inner thigh making you giggle after he purred, “You do have this adorable little freckle, right here.” Before his lips trailed over your chest pausing at another on the top of one of your breasts, “And this one.” Each following mark on your body stripped you of another layer through your giggles.

…

Back down the stairs once again Richard curled up behind you with a blanket coating your legs as you finished the sketch and added a brief conclusion to the video before you gave it a brief edit after a few run throughs. Making sure it didn’t have anything to personal caught said between you two before posting it and the scan of the image before you set the sketch aside to mail it off in the morning as you grabbed Richard’s hand making his smile grow, “Tired Love?”

You simply shook your head with a smirk, “No, I forgot a freckle.”

Chuckling again he scooped you up and carried you back to your bed once more. “Maybe I could pose for you again sometime.”

You giggled again, “No cameras next time.”

“My thoughts exactly,” landing his lips on yours again.

[nollid]

ENG 347 Blog Post #2 Dillon Rowe

1. Explore Elizabeth Acevedo’s online presence across social media and various literary communities. Briefly discuss something you find about her or her work that allows you to approach and/or frame your reading of The Poet X in a new or deeper way. Some places to start: Her official website, twitter account, Instagram account, interviews with NPR, other lit journals/websites, etc.

     I chose to search/examine Elizabeth Acevedo’s online presence on YouTube, and in my search discovered that The Poet X was heavily influenced by Acevedo’s own personal life and poetry. In her video with the YouTube channel ‘Epic Reads’, Acevedo mentions that she pulled poems from some of her own journals, particularly one from her junior year of high school. She described this process as being a “collaboration with my younger self” which I find so interesting and cool (Epic Reads).

     In another interview with PBS NewsHour, Elizabeth also described herself as being a “spare writer” (which is a term I had never heard before), and that the first draft of The Poet X was only 20,000 words before adding another 15,000 in revision. She also states that the process of writing The Poet X early on was to tell herself the story and sort the holes out from there. The last thing I want to highlight that I found (also from the PBS NewsHour interview) is that in her words, “The emotional truths of the story are my own”. With this bit of information in mind, I feel like I am going to pick The Poet X back up with a newfound level of love and respect for Xiomara as I know now that, as Elizabeth states, “The heart of [the story]” is autobiographical, although many of the plot points are not (Acevedo clarified that she didn’t get in trouble, and she wasn’t shy, unlike Xiomara) (PBS NewsHour).

2. The Poet X tackles Xiomara’s questions regarding religion, her struggle to be at home in a body that is often perceived in ways she can’t control, and her intense relationship with her mother.  Discuss a particular quote/page/poem that particularly that you believe has the potential to resonate with adolescent readers who are going through similar struggles to Xiomara. (Keep in mind our guiding question: What could this text do for adolescent readers?)

    The poem I selected from The Poet X that resonated with me (and that I think will resonate with adolescent readers) is “Ms. Galiano” from page 39 (this page may be different for you—I’m reading from a digital copy). The reason I chose this poem is because I think that all adolescents can or will relate to the feeling of being told “Oh you got THAT teacher?! They’re so strict or so uptight or assign so much work.”—especially in middle school and high school, which is around the grade level I imagine many The Poet X readers are. For me that teacher was my seventh-grade social studies teacher who, my sister described as being “wicked”. And not in the good connotation. But from day one, that teacher ended up being the exact opposite. In fact, that teacher my sister described as “wicked” ended up being one of my absolute all time favorite teachers. Was she strict? I guess, but she was doing her job and was trying to teach us—a bunch of punk ass tweens—a thing or two. Did she assign a lot of homework? Again, I guess, but I learned a LOT in that class that I can still recall today. And above else, did she care about her students? Absolutely. I used to test in alternate locations to minimize distractions, and I hadn’t studied for this particular geography test. She came to check on me and saw that I was distraught and was so keen on making sure that I was OK that she let me retest at a later date. And I know she would’ve done the same for any of her students!

    What this long winded anecdote is meant to suggest though is that I think we all had that one teacher. That teacher everyone says to be afraid of, but who turns out to be a genuinely amazing teacher, facilitator, and above all else, person. I think that adolescents reading The Poet X will find that, when they get to the poem “Ms. Galiano”, that a teacher of theirs comes to mind. I also think that adolescents who lack an authoritative, adult figure who loves and cares about them unconditionally, will resonate with the fact that, as Xiomara states, “… although it’s the first week of school, / and teachers always fake the funk the first week, / I have a feeling Ms. Galiano / actually wants to know my answer.” What this short excerpt exemplifies is that, in spite of what others have to say about this teacher, she genuinely cares about her students and what they have to say. I also think that adolescent may resonate with the point that Xiomara makes about Ms. Galiano being “… little… / but carries herself big… Like she’s used to shouldering her way through any assumptions made about her”. I think this is an extremely admirable trait that many adolescents will find security in—the feeling of being small, but learning to carry yourself as though you are much bigger.

3. Xiomara writes, “Late into the night I write and the pages of my notebook swell from all the words I’ve pressed onto them. It almost feels like the more I bruise the page the quicker something inside me heals.” Poetry and writing allow Xiomara to heal.  When you were an adolescent, what creative outlet or passion allowed you to heal?  Has this outlet changed now that you are older?  

    When I was an adolescent, I only had a few honest-to-goodness creative outlets. If I were upset or struggling to cope with something, I used to like listening to music while going for a walk or on a bike ride. I also played a lot of video games. As much I still like these activities, as I got older, and life threw more curve balls, my desire to find creative outlets that lend themself to more creative self-expression became much greater.

     Initially it was digital art (i.e. collages in Photoshop, video editing, etc.). I had also always wanted to learn an instrument (my sister played guitar, but I’m left-handed and am no Jimi Hendrix), so I opted to learn how to make music on the computer. Initially the music I created was a complete joke. And I mean that literally—my friends and I would make instrumentals and would freestyle rap/sing about whatever came to mind. One of my friends, Connor, went as far as to do a whole album of covers. Some covers included “Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars, “Let Me Love You” by Mario, and my personal favorite “Leavin’” by Jesse McCartney.

     But as I got older, I realized how much I had learned about the software I was using and how I could produce more serious and meaningful instrumentals as a way of expressing myself. After my first break-up, I really began to take it seriously. Eventually I realized though that, as much as an instrumental can convey emotions, without words it’s meaning was somewhat superficial. That realization led me to where I am now, writing. Not song lyrics, but prose. Whether it’s for school or for myself, the amount of relief I find in writing is unprecedented.

Works Cited:

Epic Reads. “Epic Author Facts: Elizabeth Acevedo | The Poet X.” YouTube, uploaded by Epic Reads, 27 Mar. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdd9b3pfA-o.

PBS NewsHour. “‘The Poet X’ Author Elizabeth Acevedo Answers Your Questions.” YouTube, uploaded by PBS NewsHour, 30 Nov. 2020, www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRrL5gSkfzY.

[noscorpsaladerive]

Flo in Bordeaux!!!!

I wrote up mine and Emily’s experiences seeing Flo yesterday but the verb tenses are all over the place and this is REALLY LONG so it’s going under the cut I hope y’all enjoy :)

So Emily and I got to Bordeaux around noon but we couldn’t check in until 14h so we were walking around trying to find food that didn’t cost 20€ per person and we accidentally came across the theatre!!!  They had a couple posters with Flo’s face on them and I nearly died omg.  We saw a couple of vans outside and I’m guessing it was all of their equipment.

Skip forward a few hours and one mild freak out session that resulted in breathing exercises later, and Emily and I FINALLY head over to the theatre about an hour before showtime.  There are already quite a few people outside, which surprised me a little bit, but the age demographic was very strange.  Like there were a lot of women who were at least in their 40s and 50s and even a gaggle of preteen girls not that enjoying Flo’s music is limited to a certain age group but it was just an unexpected demographic (as Erin said it’s the same one as 50 Shades of Grey lol).  But anyway while we were standing outside I heard some music playing AND IT WAS FLO’S SOUNDCHECK.  I think he was playing J’attends encore but they just played part of it but it was still enough to cause a heart attack dear goodness

So we finally get into the theatre (and there was this whole drama about the staff holding onto my fancy camera during the concert because apparently photos weren’t allowed ugh but ANYWAY) and it like still hasn’t quite hit that I’m actually seeing Flo again??? I think part of it might’ve been the fact that we had to get up at like 4:45 in the morning to go to the train station but I was like scarily calm considering this is Flo we’re talking about.

The opening act was a band from Bordeaux called MO and they were actually really good!! I’d looked them up beforehand and their music seemed like French country and considering that I don’t like American country I wasn’t too excited but it was a little bit more soft pop than country and it almost reminded me of Diane’s music??  It was a very similar genre regardless.  They got the audience to do this like percussive song thing with them and it was really fun I’d definitely be happy to see them perform again.

Then after a good while where the crew moved instruments around and they adjusted the lighting one last time the band walked on stage and started playing some music then FLO WALKED ON STAGE AND I COULDN’T STOP GRINNING LIKE AN IDIOT and they keep playing then he gets interrupted by his mom calling and he finally turns around and I see his stupid face and I’m gonna die just writing about this omg and he’s so damn cute and he’s now wearing a hoop earring (we were on Flo’s left so we had great views of the earring haha) and omg I’m still dying

Anyways after the fake phone call with his mom they start playing Se serrer la main which is one of my fave songs on that album but like i wanted to like stand up and jam along but no one else was standing??? Concerts that take place in real theatres stress me out idk if we’re supposed to stand or sit or what but ANYWAY

after that song ended he asked « Y’a des drôles de filles ici ce soir?? »/« Are there any drôles de filles here tonight? » (sorry I can’t think of how to translate drôles de filles rn) but I FLIPPED MY SHIT QUELLE DRÔLE DE FILLE IS SUCH A JAM (plus it’s my blog title lol) uhhhh idk which songs were next and I’m too lazy to pull up my recording rn to check but he sang a new song and damn it was such a jam and he was like noodling and dancing across the stage and i was struck by two things:  1) he seemed SO COMFORTABLE in his own skin and in his own body and i know he’s struggled with body issues before so it warmed my heart to see him so comfortable with himself and 2) he leaned backwards at one point (a mini-Rosenberggggg lean if you will) and I noticed his abs through his shirt???  And I was like wtf????  Are his abs just THAT well defined or is his shirt kinda see through??? Later on after I saw his nipples I was like YEP that shirt’s see through oops.  I knew his outfit seemed too normal I was getting suspicious. He also dabbed at the end of that song and you could feel half the audience groaning hahaha.

Uh I’m forgetting the song order but for Les Blessures qui ne se voient pas he started out a cappella and people were kinda singing along at first but everyone stopped and it was literally a silent theatre full of people listening to nothing but Flo’s voice and it was so beautiful and powerful I almost cried.  Oh I also almost cried when he did Te Ressembler because I wasn’t expecting him to do that song and it reminds me so much of the relationship I have with my mother and it just gets to me man.

After maybe like half an hour he started the whole bit where he tells us his life story starting with Canada which is a shame that he doesn’t start earlier because I would literally die to hear him perform some Lost Smile.  So he starts out the bit at a bar and he orders a rum and coke from the bartender (aka the guitarist who was wiping down his guitar with a towel as if it was a bar countertop lol) so the guitarist pours him a glass of wine and calls it rum and coke and Flo says « What kind of rum is this? » and the bartender/guitarist says « It’s Bordeaux rum! » and everyone screams since we’re in Bordeaux and Flo says that the best rum is from Bordeaux and everyone screams some more.

He talked about the friend he wrote « Alone » for then he performed said song and I nearly died I never in a million years thought I would ever hear him perform Canada songs live but also I feel like Emily and I were the only ones who knew the song???  The general feeling I got from the audience was confusion while I was jamming along having the time of my life.  The only other Canada song he performed was Mrs Mary which I don’t know as well as Alone but oh well.  

Next he did the getting a call to come audition for MOR and the fake audition and he was acting all cute and when the casting director aka the keyboardist asked how old he was he said 27 and like half of the audience squealed he was acting so cute then this motherfucker went and sang Bohemian Rhapsody which is ANOTHER song I thought I’d never hear him perform live and I just about died and cried I was a roller coaster of emotions last night okay?

Then he sang « L’Assasymphonie » and we all stood up and jammed and I’m pretty sure there was eye contact happening between us and I was living for it seeing Flo perform that song gives me life I have a video too but I’ll be uploading all my videos, pics, and recordings later.

Then he got a fake call from Dove (and I squealed really loudly when Flo mentioned Dove) and Dove said he’d had a dream about Flo with a big sword (ahem) and that’s how he introduced Quelque chose de magique and I died all over again it was like this really awesome rock arrangement and I was living for it @Dove why don’t you get Flo to do the arrangements for your musicals from now on at least that way you can’t tell him to chop all his hair off but I digress.  Tbh I’m really glad Flo did Quelque chose de magique because Mon combat is awkwardly just out of his lower range and Auprès d’un autre is just...yeah.  But it was so great to hear him sing LRA live again I was so pumped.

At some point during the musicals or just after Flo took another sip of the wine (which the guitarist had been drinking lol) and he said « Fuck that’s good I’m gonna need three or four more glasses » and tbh same but after the musicals they brought out a drum and let Flo drum for a bit and they did Sur mon nuage then he did Arrête somewhere in there???  Oh and the slow version of Je ne sais pas (which is the better version imo) which he apparently wrote about the girl who dumped him in Canada which I totally didn’t realize.

Then he was winding down the show and did that sped up version of Quoi de neuf which stresses me out because it’s so damn fast and he also kept switching up the lyrics in the chorus???? Like dude wtf I can’t sing along if you keep changing it!!!!

He left the stage afterwards but came back to do another new song whose name I forgot and he tried to teach us the chorus and was like « it’s really easy!! » but I couldn’t understand the words he was singing???? Oh well maybe he’ll release it on his next album whenever that’s happening (which he hasn’t even mentioned another album so I’m not holding my breath lol) then he ended with Qu’est-ce qu’un homme which is such a good song y’all it’s SO GOOD. But y’all when he had his arms around his band members to bow the Floobs were out they were really out there and idk how to process this information.

We headed outside to see about stagedooring and there ended up being two groups of fans at two different exits and we were kind of eying each other trying to figure out who was going to be right and if we needed to rush to the other side but all of the sudden everyone rushed to one of the theatre’s main doors??? So Emily and I rushed along and we were all penguin huddled together and no one really knew what was happening but we were all just waiting while the theatre staff opened the door and let a few fans in at a time.  We finally figured out that we were meeting Flo inside which I thought was nice since that way he wasn’t being crowded by a bunch of fans at the same time.

So Emily and I finally get inside except I’m getting loopy because of lack of sleep and we really hadn’t eaten that much that day either and I was SO CLOSE to deciding I was going to tell Flo I was disappointed he didn’t do any Lost Smile lol.  So the line of fans goes around a corner so we can’t really see what’s happening until we get up close and we can see the dudes that opened the show and we thought Flo would be after them but no you greet Flo first and that’s when my heart started beating real fast I wasn’t fucking ready y’all but we were doing it.

So I finally get up to Flo and he and a staff member are talking about how many people are still waiting and he didn’t quite see me at first when I handed him my ticket to sign and when they’re done talking I quietly say « hi » and Flo finally sees me and y’all he got so fucking excited I was so worried he wouldn’t recognize us but he did!!!!!!!! Even though it’s been almost two years!!!!! He asks us how we’ve been and he seemed so sincere and genuine and so interested like he really did want to know how we had been doing and as he’s signing Emily’s ticket I asked what his cat’s name was and he said he wasn’t saying right now but that he was going to announce it later.  But he did tell us his cat was super sweet and that he didn’t make too much noise in the morning and that he will play fetch like a dog and I was like omg my cat too!!! I’m also 95% sure at some point during this convo I straight up told Flo I love his cat but idk if he heard but he didn’t seem weirded out lol so that was good.  Flo took selfies with me then while he was taking selfies with Emily I said, « The concert was better than Harry Potter » (a reference to the classic « Song For A Lunatic ») and he was trying so hard not to lose it mid-selfie and I’m pretty sure it was the cause of the blep in Emily’s selfies it was so fucking great hahaha then the theatre staff fussed at all of us because we were taking so long but it was so worth it. He thanked us for coming and seemed really sincere about it like it wasn’t in just a « I need something to close this convo with fans » way it was like really genuine and this man and his sincerity will be the death of me.

Emily and I stayed calm until we got outside the theatre then we fucking lost it and screamed at Emily’s mom on the phone while she was at work because FLORENT MOTHE RECOGNIZED US and he had like a substantial conversation with us and he didn’t with the people ahead of us and he smiled SO MUCH in our selfies it was so amazing I feel so validated as a fan like one of my all time fave singers actually knows who I am and I’m dying.

I recorded most of the concert so I’ll post that recording and some pictures and videos later on!!  Damn this turned out wayyy longer than expected lol.

[jinyoungs-hipsdontlie]

a letter to you, jonghyun.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been hesitating and reconsidering alot regarding this but i felt the need to do it so here goes.

This is going to be my last farewell letter to Jonghyun. This is where i’m going to spill all my thoughts out on everything that has happened, in order for me to finally let go and heal from this situation. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, but i guess i really need to let it all out.

I want to finally move on from this. I want to get back to my usual self. It’s been terribly exhausting for me lately; emotionally, mentally and even physically. 

And no, this is not the last time i will post about Jonghyun. But this would be the final one filled with sadness and grief. After this, i want to only post bright and happy memories of him, just like how i want to remember him forever.

NOTE: It’s going to be EXTREMELY long (2800+ words i never knew i had to express) and kinda triggering so i put it under keep reading. Please ignore and scroll past this post if you know you might be triggered. I really dont want any of you guys to hurt more than you already have.

[death tw] [suicide tw] [suicidal ideation tw] [depression tw]

. . .

And now i think, it’s time. 

It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace. ——————————–

Sigh.

Where do i even begin.

This is so hard.

…It still hurts. Everything hurts.

Hearing that you took your own life broke me. Death, especially of a loved one, has always been my biggest fear in life. I lost a schoolmate back in September 2012 through suicide. And just last year in November 2016, i lost my aunt to suicide. And 5 days ago, 18th December 2017, i lost you, my first ever idol through the same horrid way.  And that’s part of the reason why i think, that i felt the news of you leaving the world hit so close to home for me personally.

It opened up old wounds for me, and i thought that this time, instead of keeping strong and playing a facade, im going to let myself feel, to grieve and mourn and then recover. When i lost my aunt last year, i wasn’t able to grieve much. Because i had to stay strong for my mother who had just lost her beloved sister. I couldnt just stand and cry, i had to hold my mom’s arm and support her to walk during the funeral and prayers. So this time, i did not lie to myself that i was okay, because i wasnt at all.

The first 3 days. I havent been able to eat, just water and barely a few spoons of rice each day… eating so that i wouldn’t make my family worried about me. I havent been able to sleep well, just a few hours each day, because the image of you appears before me whenever i close my eyes. I couldnt even watch your videos or listen to your voice as it hurt too much. I couldn’t believe you were gone. I feel so lost, so empty, literally on autopilot mode.

But no, i’m not blaming you for taking your own life. I’m not angry at you, i’m not disappointed in you, i really have no negative feelings towards you. Because i know, that what im suffering now… is the tiniest fraction of how much you have. For how long you have been in pain and how much you hurt, i’m so sorry. 

I’m sorry that you had to go through all this. I’m sorry you felt so alone even though you’ve been practically screaming it out to us. I’m sorry that the world was not your fate. I’m sorry for everything.

It pains me so much, to know that you had everything planned out. You, suffering in the dark, still continued being the kindest person through it. You had waited for your member’s birthdays to be over, you waited until your solo concert series was over, you left a meaningful song for us fans… to cope with the loss of a loved one, knowing fully well that we would need it after hearing the news of your death. You left a note for your loved ones, you even messaged your beloved sister before it all. You have always been so kind. 

Reading that letter you left us, it broke me so much. I cant even find words to describe it because i never ever thought you have been in so much despair. I don’t advocate suicide or taking the life of ownself, but as your long time fan, i respect your decision. All i can say is, you did so well Jonghyun. It is indeed commendable that you made it this far, and you really did go through alot.  

I can’t help but feel so sorry even though i know that there’s nothing i could have done. It just hurts to know it was so bad, so bad that you had to end it yourself since it was too much for you to handle. I cant imagine the feelings that went through you that day, when you knew you were going to take your life. Did you eat your favourite meal knowing it’d be your last? Were you crying or just all numb? I tried to tell myself not to think so much about you on that day, but i couldn’t stop myself from thinking. 

Sigh.

The first three days was a nightmare. That monday evening, i cried so much. The initial shock and sorrow was too hard to handle. The news crashed down on me so hard. 

On the 19th, i remember breaking down when i came home after class. I broke down bad, crying so terribly hard.

On the 20th, I attended a vigil that we had for you here in Singapore. It was one of the hardest thing i’ve ever done. 

I tried to be strong, but seeing the other shawols at the florist also buying roses for you, i broke down. We all did. It was so heartbreaking. I had to fight so hard make sure i didn’t cry on the train as i made my way to the venue. 

I think the only way i could describe the vigil; bittersweet. Approx a thousand people came, of all ages, to pay our last respects to you in our own way. The lightsticks, the flowers, the letters, the shawols who relied on each other and grieved together. It was all so beautiful, but it hurt so much. 

I teared up when i was already in the queue. I held the lightstick and letters in one hand, and a red rose in the other. As i got closer, i brought the rose close to my nose. I took a deep breath, five times. Each time after i say a prayer for every member of SHINee. First you, then the rest by age order.

My walls finally broke, after i placed my flower near the picture of you and said a prayer. It was so hard. I couldnt stop the tears. And to the little angels over there who gave out tissues fo all of us who broke down, and giving free hugs to anyone in need, thank you. I cried in my sister’s arms. I’m not one who shows my tears infront of people i love, but this time i couldnt keep the strong facade. I had to let it all out. 

Shortly after, we all gathered close, and sang the chrous of your debut song, Replay. I tried to keep my voice stable, but i couldnt help the falter at the end. Also, like what you wanted and what you deserved to hear, we all told you ‘수고했어요 - You did well’ in unison. I couldn’t help but break down again at that. It was really so difficult to face reality, but that vigil had brought me the slightest bit of acceptance. Im thankful for my chance to attend it.

And then Thursday.

21.12.17, you were finally laid to rest. With all your loved ones by your side, i hope those last moments were not lonely for you. You are so loved Jonghyun, you really are.

I woke up that morning trembling for some reason. I checked my phone, and saw that none of my alarms had rung. Puzzled why i woke up so early, i looked at the time. And realized that it was just 10 minutes before your funeral procession.

I had to be in class in an hour and i knew i couldnt bear to see or hear anything about your funeral so i immediately uninstalled Facebook and Twitter. But when i came home that afternoon, i told myself, that i should just see the pictures/watch the procession. Not to see everyone mourning or what so ever, but for the sake of closure. For acceptance. I think i needed it. 

And so i did. And god, how much i cried. It broke me so much, i shook terribly while sobbing. It was the worst thing i have seen, every single second pained me. That was not the image i had when i said i wanted to see SHINEE has five again. What’s worse, Kibum’s letter to you was uploaded 10 minutes later. And damn, cue the tears again. He’s so strong and he really loves you so much, Jonghyun. 

After crying for longer than i’d like to admit, i drank a glass of water and stared up to the sky. I gave a final prayer to you, for you to rest in peace. 

A few hours later, strangely, i felt calmer. For the first time since your passing, i felt like i could feel you were finally in peace up there. I really hope you are. That evening, i managed to eat my first proper meal in 3 days. I guess i’m finally accepting it.

And yesterday. 

I woke up and even though it hurt, i told myself i have to move on. I still couldnt eat properly and skipped meals but i managed to eat dinner? And even though i was still pretty empty and lost, i agreed to watch a movie with my sister at the cinema. I was reminded of you throughout and i did feel pangs of sadness, but i could still enjoy it slightly. 

And last night, i managed to watch a video of you singing. I’ve seen it on my tumblr dash a few times and so i told myself to watch and listen to your voice again, instead of scrolling past. It was that video of you singing ‘This Woman’s Work’. Oh how much have i missed your voice! I would be lying if i said i didn’t cry, but i pulled through and watched til the end. The way you sang with all your heart, so beautiful, that’s the Jonghyun i have always loved. 

Then after, I listened to your song, ‘End of a day’. I already knew my dams would break with this one so i got my tissues ready. And cried hard did i. But i was able to listen to the end, paying so much attention once again to the tones of your voice and how beautiful it is. 

I don’t know how but somehow after listening to your voice, even though i cried through it, i felt much calmer and stronger. Sigh… look at you, even in heaven you’re still comforting me with your beautiful voice. An angel you really are. And last night after all that, for the first time this entire week, i managed to sleep well. For 10 hours straight. Call it wishful thinking, but im pretty sure it’s because i finally listened to your voice again. That calming voice which i love. 

And today, a Saturday, i woke up to Jinki’s letter. Look at him, the world’s greatest leader. Even in all this chaos, he’s still so strong and reliable. He loves you so much, Jonghyun. And so does all your members. 

I was also able to eat 2 full meals today. I drank more water than i had for each of the past 5 days. I  also watched funny videos of you, Jonghyun. I washed my hair, did my usual skincare routine which i paused since Monday. And now, here i am, about to sleep, with a facial mask to use once i post this.

I think i’m coping better these days.

Jonghyun, i’m doing well right? Please tell me i’m doing well too. Please continue to give me strength and happiness from up above, to help me move on and be myself again, and even in the future. Please be my guiding angel, like what you’ve been for the last 8 years to me. 

You’ve changed the colour of the moon and lamps to our favourite pearlescent aqua, you’ve given us so many signs that you’ve made it to heaven and the skies this past week, thank you for reassuring us fans that you’re doing well up there. Please look after us from above; most importantly, your mother, sister, the members, your friends and loved ones. 

…..

I just want to let you know again, that becoming a fan of SHINee and even more, a fan of you, Jonghyun, is still and will forever be one of the best decisions i have ever made. 

Do you remember that time i first heard SHINee? I saw a group of students performing Ring Ding Dong at a school event and thought it was great so i went to check it out.

Do you remember the time you made me smile and laugh so hard during Hello Baby? I watched the entire thing in 2 days on Youtube, it’ll always be my favourite, i can never forget you and your skinship with baby Yoogeunie.

Do you remember how i was so proud when you released your first solo album? It was amazing!

Do you remember how much happy tears i cried along with you and the boys when SHINee won Best Artist of the Year at Melon Music Awards in 2013? My heart was bursting with pride! 

Do you remember how i went to Seoul in October 2015 and September 2017 and took a picture/selfie next to every standee or advertisement of yours i saw? I didn’t care if i looked weird or funny cos as a fan, that was a golden moment as i never was able to get that close to you.

And of course, do you remember how ecstatic i was when i heard SHINee was coming to Singapore for Music Bank in August and Shilla Duty Free Beauty Concert in November? Who cares how overpriced the tickets were… I was the happiest person when i got them! 

Watching you perform and listening to your beautiful voice live not once but twice, is one of my happiest moments in life, and it will forever be.

…sigh… it sucks when reality hits me and i realize that i won’t be able to see you again, well not in this lifetime at least. But i can assure you, Jjong, that i will never ever forget you.

You may not be in the same form as me, but know that you are everywhere with me. In my heart, in my mind, in my music albums, in my phone’s gallery, in my old study notes that i scribbled your name, in my keychain hung on my bag, in my pearlescent aqua coloured portable charger and sweater, and ofcourse, in my beloved SHINee lightstick. 

I love you and i won’t forget you.

…Before i conclude, i want to say thank you. 

Thank you for being my first ever idol and my first love.

Thank you for making me smile and laugh til i cry.

Thank you for composing and writing such beautiful songs, your music as SHINee and as a solo artist has given me immense strength and happiness and comfort all these years.

Thank you for being an amazing role model, your actions/thoughts/words have inspired me to be a better person.

Thank you for being so strong all these years, and trying your best to fight the negativity.

Thank you for being the best son and the best brother to your mother and sister, your adoration and love for them are the sweetest thing ever.

Thank you for being the kindest, most loving and the most supportive brother to Onew, Key, Minho and Taemin; your love for them and their love for you have shown me what true friendship and family is. 

Thank you for everything, Jonghyun.

And now i think, it’s time. It’s time for me to finally let you go, my beloved puppysaurus. 

Fly high and mingle with the stars and the moon up there. Feel the happiness and peace that you’ve craved and deserve oh so much. Take care.

I will always love you, Jonghyun.

수고했어요. 정말 고생했어요.

May your beautiful soul rest in peace.

[some-flyleaves]

tonight on spontaneous media thoughts with a-flyleaf, some rambles on Paranoia Agent because yours truly just went and binged another old anime maybe two people and a paperclip have ever heard of!

so a few weeks ago I somehow got into the mini habit of watching videos on the side while drawing, splitting my desktop between art on one half and youtube on the other. somehow the videos of choice ended up being anime reviews, because I... I don’t know, really. :V I’ve watched like 5 anime now, this one included, and wasn’t particularly planning on adding any more to that little lineup. (keep meaning to check out cowboy beepboop but EH.) the lack of investment helps with the “wait did I just miss something” multitasking mood I guess...?

anyway it was a short-lived habit if only because I ran out of stuff that needed drawing aka Image Comic Process but I digress. Paranoia Agent first came to my attention indirectly through... something completely different! \o/

in entirely unrelated circumstances, stumbled upon this article a few days ago and the “realistic portrayal” example caught my attention. a brief comment dig later and the name was identified, and it... features a weird cartoon dog? the wikipedia premise intrigued me but it ended up on my hypothetical neverending list of stuff to check out.

I mention the review thing because, while procrastinating on everything earlier today, I found this video and it immediately caught my attention. and hey, looks like the whole dub is up on youtube, only 13 episodes so might as well!

...not that I’d. necessarily recommend the youtube dub upload. it lacks subtitles for the writing which is actually pretty damn essential.

go watch that review if you haven’t already, because it sums up the show better than I ever could and talks about what hooked me: a basis in psychology and experimental art.

AND NOW FOR MY ACTUAL THOUGHTS ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ (to be formatted in bullet points later probably, again tfw mobile) edit 11/21: done, plus some additional thoughts after reading a few reviews/analyses around the web

it practically starts with a bang via baseball bat, and imo the first four episodes are the strongest of the series. in addition to the clever toying with art style as the video describes, we’re introduced to an ensemble cast of not necessarily likable but no less complex characters, and I always appreciate it when media doesn’t seem to be hitting you over the head (harhar) with LIKE THIS PERSON DAMMIT.

while I don’t have dissociative identity disorder and thus can’t speak to accuracy in its portrayal or weirdness in the subplot’s resolution, episode four three* also had one of the first examples I’ve seen of a character with “multiple personalities” that didn’t lean on the tired but one of them... is a MURDERER schtick.

*I initially got the numbering messed up here; the episode with the character who has DID is third, not fourth.

the entire series explores the idea of fiction and reality - no, this is neither the time nor place for the Shipping Debacle(TM), moreso in how fiction is a form of escapism both destructive yet necessary in just about everyone’s lives. the experimental elements play with this well, forcing the viewer to think about why the art is changing the way it does.

until around the end of episode 4*, it’s relatively clear when we’re getting a glimpse into a character’s psyche vs seeing what’s actually going on. and then the next installment hits, and it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if a lot of people bail at this point. it’s not bad necessarily, but the line between fantasy and reality isn’t just blurred - save for a few quick cuts, said line is utterly trampled. symbolism runs rampant and it can be tricky to figure out exactly what’s Actually going on, if anything at all - more on this later.

*e: this time I actually do mean the fourth episode.

on the topic of symbolism, there’s definitely something symbolic going on with the crows/ravens (death?) and to some extent color (namely gold/yellow, green, and red) but I haven’t quite put my finger on it.

you know that thing the video says about Lil Slugger being a manifestation of mass hysteria and destructive escapism? (if you don’t, what are you waiting for >:V it’s about 10 minutes long if you skip the spoilery part.) turns out, he really truly is, and it’s not just metaphors.

spoilers ahead; I’d recommend going in blind but use your best judgment, I know I might not have been so intrigued if not for reading the entire wikipedia plot synopsis in advance. why do I keep getting into media by knowing the Big Reveals first.

on one hand, I really like Lil Slugger being both symbolic and a literal supernatural threat. what I’m much less sold on, however, is how the less explained aspects are incorporated, namely towards the end. (big spoiler warning again, last chance!)

so what exactly DID happen to Harumi with the weird clownish smile makeup? what’s all this prophetic babbling from an old dude who really likes chalk (and whose ramblings admittedly might’ve made more sense if I could actually read his stuff), and how does he know it? what’s the deal with the otaku dude and his magical talking figurines? who knows! who cares, I guess. it’s all in the name of thematic significance - or to put it ironically, ~it’s media~

I can respect that as an artistic direction but it can feel a bit stranger than necessary, and I wasn’t a huge fan of the ending. so, what, suddenly chief’s 2d dream world is an actual real place he goes to? the “darkness closing in” is an actual black blob? holy shit, I really must emphasize the otaku dude’s weird voodoo sculptures and bascially everything else about him. th... the ex-“good cop” is now a wannabe superhero?? you do have to read between the lines to an extent to really Get the characters at times, which I actually like, but imo this was pushing it.

actually even before the climactic sequence I was... less than thrilled with the wife’s monologue. for the most part the show is good about not talking down to the viewer, obligatory exposition sprinkles aside, but just in case you weren’t sure what the themes were yet, here they are ft. odd visual echoing that doesn’t seem particularly relevant to the speaker’s state of mind!

there’s a bit more thematic narm towards the finale, especially from local sidekick-turned-video game hero, but at that point I was too busy wondering what the hell was going on to be too bothered.

e: several analyses and a rewatch later, the end of Harumi’s episode seems less nonsensical. it still doesn’t quite explain when she found the time to throw on all that makeup, but as with many other aspects of the series I was left baffled by at first (up to and including weird old math man), it makes much more sense thematically. Paranoia Agent is not a show meant to be taken at face value and trying to understand it all literally is an exercise in futility - not for everyone, but if you are willing to reconsider how you’re parsing it, it’s worthwhile. ...I’m still confused by otaku dude’s figurines, though >:V

/endspoilers (for now)

DESPITE the spoiler-loaded nitpicking above, overall I found it a solid watch - and the irony of bingeing it to procrastinate on school isn’t lost on me, especially after an all-too-relatable vignette featuring a student in the throes of quadratic equations.

while it definitely includes some darker themes, up to and including an episode about three internet friends meeting up to carry out a sort of suicide pact (which again probably would’ve been clearer if the version I watched had subtitles for text), the tone never feels particularly hopeless. it deals with the self-detrimental effects of overindulging in escapism, sure, but isn’t exactly MEDIA IS BAD TECHNOLOGY IS SCARY THE NEW GENERATION SUCKS. (one character has a similar attitude but it’s based more in nostalgia than hatred of the modern.)

reality sucks but you gotta face it and own up to your fuckups, pal, sorry! but rest and respite are important, too, lest you end up like the animation monkey whose very animation becomes rougher as the sleep deprivation really kicks in.

yes, monkey. not literally but definitely in design (no sameface \o/) and arguably behavior. there were a few comedic moments throughout the show, albeit often dark and/or satirically based so YMMV on how much they actually lighten the mood. for what it’s worth, the episode with the aforementioned suicide pact was probably the overall funniest.

overall I would recommend it as a good thought-provoking series, although if you’re having trouble at the fifth episode I won’t blame you for not sticking it to the end. personally, I kept watching because A) I wanted to see just how the murderous baseball kid mystery turned out & B) the art and symbolism shenanigans up to that point, definitely including the intro, had already given me a few Ideas(TM) and I wanted to see what else was in store. worth it? sure, but don’t expect too many explanations on the supernatural parts.

okay one more spoilery detour - and it’s a VERY BIG spoiler that I am actually going to encourage you not to read if you plan on watching. seriously. (e: format isn’t a mistake, I think it works better connected in paragraphs.)

sooo after skimming the plot synopsis and watching that entire review video, I already knew the thing about Maromi being based on a dead dog and Lil Slugger being the mystery assailant. what I did not expect was even that being a lie, in a way that I won’t specify because I’ve said too much already. and while I question the use of what I’m guessing was pms of all things, I actually really liked that twist.

HOWEVER. given that it all comes back to Tsukiko, she was fucking robbed in the character arc department. I get that she’s quiet and secretive so we don’t get any real details on her past until last second, which imo was a really forced reveal (seriously what is WITH those anime girls and their magic prophetic video game), and again I do like how she pretty much has a victim complex and that basically causes everything.

what I don’t like is that we needed cop superhero dude to lay it all out for her in terms of Big Realization Moments. everything only really gets “resolved” because she finally comes to terms with & takes responsibility for her mistake, but what leads her to this action? guys yell at her for fucking up and everyone gets consumed by inexplicable black ooze? EHHHHHHH I don’t buy it.

the chief’s mini-arc with his wife, which unfortunately was more told than shown (sensibly, so we could get Slugger’s reactions to the story, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy with it), was predictable but IMO believable. I definitely don’t think every story has to have clearly-defined protagonist/antagonist characters, especially with the “antagonist” here being a man vs society type of setup, but the end sequence seemed confused on who the real “hero” was supposed to be.

Ikari got the Big Moments of realizing he couldn’t live a lie forever, of smashing his dream world. Tsukiko... gets to go back in time and hug her dog, I guess? where was her moment, however subtle, of realizing she actually doesn’t NEED this little pink dog to save and protect her from reality. if that was supposed to be conveyed when her younger self started making stuff up it... lost me, unfortunately. as far as I registered it went straight for the dog and apology.

e: and you know, after all the aforementioned reading, I’m still inclined to agree with my initial thoughts - HOWEVER. this is a show that lives, breathes, thrives on thematic significance. character development and miniature arcs happen, absolutely, but they’re not the focal point. I can appreciate the ending’s direction much more if I kick conventional thoughts on character progression to the curb.

oh, and the intro? with everyone laughing with chaotic and/or destructive backgrounds while the random mysterious old people get a fancy restaurant and the goddamn moon? guessing the latter is because ~universal themes~ or something but the formal setting after a series of Heck is a moment of fridge logic - the woman’s homeless. she’s probably no stranger to more ravaged settings.

e: oh yeah, and something else I noticed about the intro - everyone is laughing, yes, but Tsukiko’s doesn’t seem... real. everyone else (minus Lil Slugger I guess but his eyes aren’t shown) has the characteristic squint of a genuine smile, but she’s wide-eyed as ever. maybe foreshadowing how she’s the one behind all this...? hrmm.

alrighty no more spoilers For Real This Time, just some miscellaneous notes that didn’t really fit elsewhere

one side character has the same voice as my favorite character from Urasawa’s Monster so that was neat. turns out detective #2 also shares actors with Monster’s protagonist, which took me longer to catch onto but was VERY amusing once noticed.

there’s no overt fanservice, minus like one or two questionable angles that aren’t even in the spotlight. a couple episodes have some Unfortunate Closeups but they’re entirely in service of the story; you’re definitely not supposed to be comfortable with it.

WHERE ARE THE OFF CROSSOVERS.

e: actually, for various spoilery reasons, I would not be the least bit surprised if this influenced OFF to some extent. but that’s another ramble for another time.

[loverdrew]

Overboard | 4

It’s too much, feels like I’m drowning without your love…

Intro: When you’re on a cruise ship to get away from life, the first thing on your mind isn’t to find love. That is, until you met him. Part 1 2 3

It had been about two weeks since the incident happened at the jacuzzi. Ethan hadn’t suspected a thing, and in fact, he was beginning to become a daily part in my life. Every morning we’d eat breakfast together on the deck chairs overlooking the sea and talk about something new each time. Afternoons were spent together either swimming and riding the big slide that wrapped around the ship, playing games in the ships arcade, or lounging in the sizzling sun. Evenings and nights were the most difficult to get through, because I knew I never wanted to leave his side.

Since being with someone else who actually cares about my well-being and not just themselves, it’s made me almost become addicted to Ethan. Not in a crazy way, but in a comforting and loving way. He made me feel as if he wanted to be with me because he wanted to, not just because he felt the need to. But, it was hard keeping my secret from him, and everyday I still woke up frightened that Grayson told him what he saw of me.

This morning, I knew I had to talk to Grayson about the situation. I couldn’t let this go on any longer, so I quickly jumped out of bed, and got ready to head down for breakfast. As I was opening up my door, I pulled out my phone to text Gray, who Ethan kindly enough put in my phone if I couldn’t reach him first. But as I was typing away, I didn’t realize that someone was already standing in front of my door, arm up and ready to knock.

“Oh hey, I was about to see if you were up for breakfast?” He asked questioningly, wondering why I was ready so early and looked like I was in a hurry.

“Yeah I am! I was actually just coming to get you, felt like getting an earlier start today.” I lied.

“Cool, I invited Gray also and he said he should be ready in another minute so we’ll just wait for him.” I nodded slowly, then began to shut my door as Ethan and I stood in a more awkward silence than usual.

“We’re docking today. Some island that only this ship is allowed on, do you want to be on land for the first time in weeks?” He tried to break the silence and cracked a smile, and it worked. I slightly chuckled at his attempt and said yeah, of course. A few seconds later Grayson was all ready, wearing a blue dad-looking Hawaiin shirt and tan shorts with matching shoots. He ran up to us, and we all walked down to the buffet together.

Well here goes nothing.

-

Sitting across from the two boys who had 3 plates of pancakes each in front of them was…interesting. I had never seen two people scarf down food that quickly, or had as much love for pancakes as they did. Meanwhile, I poked at my scrambled eggs and toast, obviously not up for a meal. My stomach was in knots trying to figure out what I would say to Grayson, or even when I was going to say it. The two were always together and were ever apart only for a few minutes at a time, and the conversation we were bound to have would take a day…tops.

“Y/N, you usually have a full omlete and a plate full of only bacon. Today, you have just eggs and bread?” Ethan asked with concern. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my discomfort, and I only shrugged my shoulders at his question.

“I guess I wasn’t as hungry as I thought.” I huffed, and sat back on my side of the booth, swiftly grabbing my water and taking a huge gulp. Grayson only looked up at me with dull eyes, and took a bite of his pancake, only to go back to staring at his plates.

“Alright well I’m going to head back up to our room real quick, forgot my backpack with our filming equipment. We’re filming a video today to upload for Tuesday, so you guys finish up and I’ll meet you both at the both enterance to explore!” He sounded so excited and ready for adventure, but little did he know his twin and new found girl friend were both feeling, for lack of a better word, crappy.

But as he got up to leave, I lifted myself up and placed my hands on my side of the table. I had to mean business to Grayson right now. This was my chance to at least get this conversation started.

“Grayson, look at me.” I demanded. He continued to pick at his pancakes, obviously full but not yet ready to give up in attempt to avoid me. I slammed his fork on the table, my hand on top of his. My eyes tore through him, but his still fixated on the table. He wore a frown, one that would want to make anyone cry, an emotion that I hadn’t seen…since Madison found out what was going on. It was a look of concern, worry, disgust, confusion. Everything I knew he would view me as. So if he saw me this way, I could only imagine that Ethan would too.

“How long.” The way he talked wasn’t even a question, he asked like he needed to know, like his life depended on it. I sighed and slowly took my hand off his, bringing my own under my eyes, to stop the sprouting tears from falling.

“A little over 4 years…”

“Why. Why stay with someone who has done nothing but create scars on you, scars that never heal and scars that remain there for life.” I knew he didn’t mean physically what the scars would do to me, but the events that caused them would emotionally scar me. And he wasn’t wrong. But to explain the reasons why someone stays with their significant other despite the constant abuse was like describing why humans breathe…because we just need to.

“You won’t get it. Nobody ever gets it unless you’ve been through it before Grayson. With every hit or every slice to my body, comes a thousand sorry’s and the usual ‘I won’t ever do it again’. With every nasty comment, comes a ‘if you tell anyone, I’ll kill you’. It’s the manipulation, the promises which are eventually broken then promised again. It’s a constant circle that you’re stuck in and can’t escape.” I felt him get up from his side of the table and join me on mine. He placed a warm hand on my knee, placing the other on my back, rubbing softly.

Explaining the pain one goes through in a situation like this once again didn’t make it any easier. The burning sensation I got under my skin only reminded me of when he’d take a knife to me, slicing an open wound. The shakiness in my breath reminded me of when he’d strangle me to the point of blacking out, and how I’d try so hard to fight for that one final gulp of air. The hole that was created in my heart reminded me of how with every nasty comment about my weight, looks, or attitude, my self esteem and self worth would drastically go down, making me into nothing. That’s what he made me. Absolutely nothing.

-

After spending some time with Grayson in the booth, he helped dry my tears, not saying a word, but gave me an understanding look and walked with me to where we were meant to meet Ethan. What most people do when they hear someone’s struggles or problems is try to talk you through them, and although that is helpful and means a lot, sometimes people just need someone to listen, nod along, and breathe with us. Grayson did that perfectly. He no longer looked at me with a sort of disgust for my decisions, but an understanding one that gave me great comfort. And with that look, I knew he would keep my secret, until I was fully ready to talk to Ethan about it.

Who knew it would eventually come so soon.

Grayson and I both saw Ethan coming closer to us with a jiggling backpack and floppy hair, smiling so big from ear to ear. All 3 of us striding down the ramp to the sand of the island awaiting us. Beautiful greenery with accents of pink and yellow flowers and other plants adorned the loan land. I felt the sand seep through my sandels, the sensation of being young and on the beach coming back to me. I overlooked the land that was in my view, only to spot where land meets water, and was instantly drawn to it. I felt nostalgic, like I was home. And home was a distant concept, and had been for years.

As we were surrounded by the few hundreds of people that had come off the boat as well, Ethan and Grayson decided to film for their video. They filmed mostly the beauty the island had to offer, wrote messages in the sand, and they each filmed one another diving in the water for a quick dip. They both knew the fans would go crazy if they saw the boys in only swim trunks.

I simply sat and watched the whole process. Youtube seemed like such and interesting and amazing carreer, especially for these two, as their main goal was just to make people smile and laugh. Watching how they film so effortlessly and seemed so calm and collective in front of the camera brought a genuine smile to my face, as I dug my feet further into the sand.

One thing about me that I secretly loved to watch, was people. Being in a relationship like mine, if you could call it that, made my instincts more sensitive, which meant that I was constantly on the look out for any signs of danger. My eyes scoped my surroundings, only showing me smiling families, couples, and some singles flirting with each other. Crowds of people moved to reveal some open space, space that was soon filled with a presence I was all too familiar with. The same brown hair, the same piercing eyes that could stab my soul, and the same devilish grin that could give anyone nightmares. My feet scrambled in the sand trying to get up quickly and run, but I was stuck, and flipped onto my stomach after my attempt at standing up. My hands clawed at the ground trying to get me as far away from him as possible, not even daring to look back at his figure. I was sobbing at this point, finally building up enough strength to pull both of my feet out and running through the thick sand toward my two saviors. I was out of breath, and screaming for Ethan.

“Ethan! Ethan Ethan!” His head whipped around and saw me running full speed and stopped behind him. Grayson instantly pulled the camera around his neck, and stopped filming. Ethan’s hand wrapped around my waist from the front, checking our surroundings while also catching a few glimpses of my now red eyes and hieving chest.

“He’s here! Oh my god he’s here!”

“Who’s here Y/N? Who are you talking about?”

“He found me! Oh my god he found me, I’m going to die!” I screamed into Ethan’s arm, Grayson covering his mouth in shock and looking around.

“Where is he? Where did you see him?” He asked frantically.

“He? Who the hell is he?! Gray what’s going on, why the hell is this happening!” I looked over Ethan’s shoulder to point in the directioning of him, but only saw a man with very similar features, playing with his son in the water near where I was sitting. My heart finally gave me room to hear everything else around me instead of my pulse, and gave me time to realize that the two sets of eyes on me would be disappointed once I told them that who I thought I saw, was just another passenger. I had let my nervousness and anxiety get to me, making me believe that I thought something else was there when it really wasn’t.

“I-I’m I’m sorry, I just-I thought…” I ran a hand through my hair, crying even more at my foolishness. I turned to Grayson, who had a pained look on his face, aching for one of us to tell Ethan what was finally going on. I nodded to Gray, and he swiftly left the scene, but stayed a good distance near us just in case something else were to happen.

“Y/N, please tell me what’s going on. You’re scaring me.” We both sat down once again very close to the shoreline, our toes just touching where the tide ended. I stared out onto the wide sea, not having the heart to spill the one secret I had kept from everyone.

“Someone is out to hurt me Ethan. Someone who once vowed to keep me safe through unsafe situations, someone who loved me different from my parents or best friend, someone who I thought I could see myself marrying in the beginning but now I only wish them dead. Ethan…you think I came on this trip for a get away like I told you when we first met but that is far from the truth. I came here to run away, from a man who is trying to hunt me down and bring me back to a life of misery.” Ethan stayed incredibly silent. I couldn’t even hear him breathing next to me, so I turned to look at him to make sure he was still alive, and all I saw were glossy eyes and an open mouth, shocked by what I had just revealed.

“How could anyone ever hurt you…” He whispered in disbelief.

“It all started in high school. We were sweethearts. He was the popular smart guy on the baseball team, and I was the girl-next-door type freshman who fell hard for his bright green eyes. He was great…in the beginning. But, when he began seeing the attention I got from his so-called friends and even some other guys who he wasn’t on good terms with, he started becoming aggressive. A few tug and pulls that sometimes popped my arm and cracked my back, forceful kisses with tongue that I told him I didn’t want, and some hurtful words like ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’ that he would whisper in my ear when no one was looking. Then it just got worse. He forced me to move in with him, and seeing as my mom passed away before I met him and my dad wasn’t a part of my life, I had no reason not to. Madison was also going through her own problems. She got pregnant, and her boyfriend left school and never returned so she never heard from him again. She had to move out, and she asked me to stay with her, but I thought moving in with him would be best because he was paying for everything for me. But who knew that’d be the biggest mistake of my life.” I slowly wiped the tears away under my eyes, hugging my knees closer to my chest. I could tell Ethan was scared of asking me questions, but since I dropped the major bomb, I felt I was ready to finally open up again.

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, or talk about it anymore than you already have if you’re not ready.” He said abruptly. I looked up to find him drawing random circles in the sand, collecting his own thoughts. “I’ll never be able to fully understand your pain, even the tiniest bit, but one thing that I hope I can do for you right now, and everyday after today, is never give you that feeling he did, ever.” Our eyes met, and I couldn’t even begin to explain the twinkle that sparked as we locked onto each other. It’s like all the noise of people talking, the noise of water splashing and the occasional horn blowing were gone. The space Ethan didn’t fill was blurred out, and he was a perfect being in front of me. Our hands connected underneath the sand, holding onto one another for dear life. I could feel my hand squeezing harder than this, but he didn’t mind, he only held on stronger.

“You’re safe now.”