#it also doesn't really seem like they would have been substantially worse

[fideidefenswhore]

the downfall and execution of a tudor queen (2023) / the boleyns: a scandalous family (2021) / the king's pearl: henry viii and his daughter mary (2017), melita thomas / anne boleyn (tv miniseries 2021) / the mirror and the light (2024) / elizabeth (1998)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

as "let's see if will roland's birthday prompts any billions production clues from posts castmates may make about it" continues to yield "no one's posting about it, while some castmates post about other people's birthdays," already having more thoughts abt [i'm sure he'll show up in at least one episode even if only to be written out] type things like:

a) would be insulting if winston is fired to serve a subplot about philip and taylor having some difficulty in finding their footing re: working together as coheads, like, we're good at anticassandraing things and have gone "lol what if philip & taylor disagreed abt quants in that philip preferred winston. which he feasibly could," so what if instead it's philip arguing that winston should be fired to streamline things or because everyone who's not taylor will want him gone b/c they dislike him, and in learning how to successfully work together, taylor's like well alright. like, don't pit these elements against each other the insult is instead just Anyone, higher ups or lower downs, wanting winston gone b/c they dislike him, so he's fired

b) winston getting bullied by anyone or everyone is seen as him distracting them &/or provoking it with his presence, so he's fired winston being friends w/tuk is seen as a bad influence of loserdom on the latter (or distraction, or annoying, or w/e) so he's fired some Problem that needs solving or otherwise some need to fire Some people that really doesn't have much to do with him gets him fired anyways. like 5x05 all over again, isn't it always. or even if he's particularly involved in some problem you know it'd be something other people could get away with just fine. see:

c) what's even "a problem" like that despite everyone being in a hostile workplace, winston is especially, and we're so graced with dollar bill back on the premises who has already harassed and threatened and assaulted him (not only limiting the lattermost to something like "did he hit you, and like, closed fist, and i mean pretty hard. well that's just what he's like, you're fine." or the way like sabotaging a toilet is just epic pranks and only a problem if something looks bad to theoretical investors and we should talk about what tmc people might be doing to deserve it) while rian has been holding down the fort bullying and using winston. perfectly in line with everything if this kind of thing prompting any hostility in turn is like, nobody blinks at the other stuff, wherein if anything everyone keeps trying to fix dollar bill's feelings for him and talk about how who he's being awful to needs to appease him asap, and rian simply Wanting to use winston as a chew toy is just taken in stride while separately people have already been motivated by theoretically looking out for her / supporting her in various ways as well. whereas if winston Acts like he regards her as a hostile party, which she is, rather than seeming to operate in good faith that they can have regular constructive basic respect interactions, which he does while those decent interactions seem to come through rarely and unreliably, then i'm sure he'd be seen as mean / starting shit / out of line / etc, especially when it seems him Disrespecting the Rules & Social Hierarchy that should disallow him from like, speaking unless it's to self-flagellate, means people see him as aggressive or whatever. basically the classic scenario like, kid's bullied at school, they're supposed to just ignore it or it's otherwise "not that bad" / stuff gotten away with, even if supposedly it's like well just tell an authority figure here, that won't/doesn't work, any resulting obvious tension/dislike between the kid and whoever is like "uh oh, a Both Sides problem" at best, same if there's a physical fight or something or else it's like well That was unacceptable and if it was initiated by Your reaction to all other kinds of terrible treatment for however long, you're the problem. not that i expect winston to throw a punch about it, but, figuratively / parallel to this scenario

d) winston is sick of his deluxe hostile environment, doesn't actually like whatever coheading changes, sick of rian and/or dollar bill specifically, and/or doesn't appreciate some other goings-on, like one that results in him even being threatened with firing, and gets to just quit as has regularly seemed like something he might want to do anyways since 4x11 and intermittently on

e) not really another Way to imagine they kick him out but was thinking how like, Is a reason we're shown that taylor and rian hugging in the middle of an office was seen by i guess winston alone gonna be further relevant at all and about him making anything of it, which, he really couldn't possibly be wrong about any inferences. but going :/ at the taylor and rian dynamic just as a spontaneous, contained event would be self-explanatory too. but had the thought of like, maybe it's all "well taylor's been here 5 seasons and is in a more prominent position than last season, throw a PR problem at them for the first time for real, just as a shakeup / something that throws them off" wherein like winston wouldn't even have to be there to be cited in something like yeah i was fired or quit or whatever else and my former boss is dating an employee i think. or seems to have a real personal preference for them if not personal somethingship. which is true lmfao like? even if winston ""wrongly"" assumes they're dating like "oh sorry these claims are ridiculous, i only proposed as much to this employee who i already was informally mentoring and do favor such that she was promoted offscreen after like half a season to be able to make trades and this only came up when her using that capacity to do some shit she could've been fired for had me like 'but i'll take the heat for it' b/c any feeling that i'd wanna fire you is worth working through as a personal problem, and that employee turned me down not only just b/c apparently dating through work is too much (but not hooking up through work) but because she's afraid of how much she could love me, and now we're further personal somethings or who even knows what's ever been going on and so who can say if we were supposed to have fully closed the door on dating or not, even." wherein like....someone then doing further research consulting with every named tmc employee, in this hypothetical (and ignoring any hypothetical new, named/dialogued hires) scenario all now Former employees except rian who clearly won't have been firedor quit at the start of season 7, b/c yknow god forbid lmao....like, oh i'm taylor's best friend so no comment except that when i'm mad at them i'll apparently say that i always thought they inhumanly don't have feelings and all, very helpful. then there's like, oh yeah i was taylor's employee and dated them until business misalignments lead to a less than ideal breakup, and then kind of an aftershock of that for fun i guess. and then yeah i was also taylor's employee and knew they were dating another employee and i disapproved if only b/c i told them it could look bad but then also one of the reasons leading up to my quitting was having difficulty getting in touch with them while the other employee lived with them at least part of the time and i didn't seem to be a fan of that bonus access re: discussing business getting in the way of the formal structure / chain of command or whatever at work as well which is part of what i was already there to file a complaint over, so....even just the "it does look bad / people do think you leverage status for access to sex through employees" like no but that's My boss though. but also just that yeah taylor has at least tried to date employees twice, and their personal preference does affect professional matters, though that's also just like, pick any place of work and any slice of it, may not be a meritocracy after all versus how much it matters that some people are popular and/or liked by the right people while others can be recognized as Good Employees on paper but be left where they are or antagonized by peers or higher ups b/c of "failing" at the popularity contest aspect. and this could just be some new Kind of problem for taylor, and/or their just having to question themself more. or else go "ugh leave it to winston" and shrug it off once whatever's smoothed over.

f) winston isn't fully written off but rather it's something zany like, the twist is dollar bill coming back (god forbid he didn't either) while mafee, who evidently sees taylor outside work despite it all, is like eh we'll get dinners sometimes too, and does not likewise return despite saying he's the one who'd consider it. winston, being fired, or having quit, or just being unhappy w/things enough to consider it, is like well you're kind of regular at me sometimes and can't yell at me abt loyalty to taylor if neither of us work for them and you have weird confusing ideas about how they should be loyal to you if anything, and i can do the work of 50 phds, and i know you don't know shit abt the math and quanting but if you just leave it up to me entirely, that's pretty much been my work experience thus far anyways. then he'd be filming on different sets, possibly more rarely, and also dan soder has been likewise elusive but is also on site on the two even vaguely or implicitly [s7 production] related pics will's turned up in.

g) idk billions feel free to prank us where once again between seasons we worry winston could be written off but then he isn't, but elusivity paired with suddenly now castmates w/no mention of him for [march 5th] and [we are doing any bday acknowledgments] overlaps that otherwise get posts, especially. weird even if he Was written out in ep one but okay then

[kirarafelis]

Character biographies part 1.5 + art!

DUNCAN

Name: Duncan 

Likes: Wild events. 

Dislikes: His given daily schedule and responsibilities. 

Known for: Being the only one not interested in any sort of justice within his family.

Why TDI?: To get something new and different out of life.

Duncan comes from a long line of cops. His dad is a cop. His mom is a cop. His uncle, aunt, grandma, and cousins are cops. Unlike them, however, Duncan isn't that interested in that end of the spectrum; he'd rather get some enjoyment, and he's the type who probably shouldn't be trusted with any sort of authority anyways. So Duncan's parents decided to just throw random hobbies at him to keep him from doing anything too mischievous, such as but not limited to: fashion, knitting, and sewing. He's already gotten some warnings, which his mom had to talk out. He's also been put into boarding school after several school hops and pretty much well indulged by his dad to keep him from screwing up their family line reputation. Duncan doesn't necessarily care enough to get the full learning experience from boarding school, though, in his words, he'd rather do an "innovative, creative" break in to show his artistic skills than go through another art class. He also has street smarts and isn't afraid to use them. Despite his cocky nature, the therapists who have worked with Duncan will say he has potential and wants to do good for the world; it just isn't shown exactly through his exterior. When Duncan isn't being put through excessive work or lectures, he looks for ways to curb his boredom, like signing up for Total Drama Island. Duncan figured it couldn't be much worse than a day at boarding school. and, who knows, it could be fun to mess around there. It's not like he's doing anything else this summer.

GWEN

Name: Gwen

Likes: Hosting mold breaking parties from the norm with her little brother.

Dislikes: Following trends.

Known for: Putting beef bouillon cubes in the Community Pool

Why TDI?: To have a good time and the money would really help her mom.

The daughter of a single mom, Gwen was a latchkey kid who grew up taking care of her brother. That's cool with Gwen, because she likes helping out her mom and has tons of fun with her brother, too.

Like the time they put a bunch of beef bouillon cubes into the community pool. (At least the neighborhood dogs were happy!)

The only other thing that Gwen is REALLY passionate about is organizing parties. She believes they can be a substantial form of self-expression; she's been told plenty of her uniqueness for it, and she herself hopes to make the most norm-breaking party ever gain traction without having to go by a single trend for it. One day after all, the last thing she'd do is follow a trend. Maybe a Trent, but never a trend. (wink wink!) Although she's pretty popular for her parties, she is the loner at school. At the same time, she isn’t seen much with others; she spends most of her time instead watching and generating new ideas. But ask someone, and they will say that for a loner, she is a pretty rad one.

Gwen heard about total drama from her brother, and after looking into it, she decided it's just what she'd be looking for in an island retreat. Activities, fun, and relaxation.

Plus, if she wins the $100,000, it would sure make life easier for her mom. Gwen may seem tough as nails on the outside, but when it comes to her family, she's as soft as... well, a marshmallow.

GEOFF

Name: Geoff

Likes: Art, camping, and hanging out at the beach.

Dislikes: Parties that get too wild and shallow superficial people.

Known for: Always drawing in his free time at school.

Why TDI?: A experience different from the typical partying, if not that there’s camping.

Geoff grew up in a party town on the west coast. Spring break, long weekends, summertime—people came from all around to party in his town. So it's not a surprise due to the fact that Geoff isn’t exactly the biggest partygoer; he ended up coming across as an odd one out, or just quite literally an outcast. Now Geoff has seen, at a young age, how to really party. REALLY. He's the oldest of five brothers, but being the oldest also leads to the most responsibilities. Usually, when a party is over, he takes on the job of cleaning up the mess. (One time, almost the entire floor was flooded with fruit punch!) Now he doesn't hold any grudge against his brothers or parents for this, though; it is his duty as the eldest, but he isn't exactly happy about it either. And he thinks that at times the parties start to become too repetitive and similar. Even if Geoff says he hates the idea of doing parties entirely, thanks to his bohemian parents (who met, married, and conceived Geoff on a beach), Geoff still has chillaxin' party-hearty DNA in his blood, even if not apparent. He's the star quarterback on his high school football team, and they’ve scored plenty of wins, but the thing that truly highlights Geoff is his passion for art. A fair share of the cool kids are pretty interested in his art and hang out with him for it. He couldn’t care less about if they were “cool” or not, though; he’d hang out with anyone regardless of where they lie. Geoff's goal is to take a bit out of life and chew it until there's nothing left but seeds that he can scatter into the wind to start with a canvas all over again. His eventual plan is to become a professional artist who brings emotion and laughs with his works. He thinks that would be the most awesome career ever. He can't even imagine how great that would be, and he would definitely ace it, too. He wants to be able to make people feel together. Geoff also enjoys spending time at the beach or in the woods on weekends and sketching on his pad. Now, being real about it, Geoff wasn't exactly expecting to be on Total Drama Island this year; his brothers just thought he totally should give the show a try, so eventually he gave in and auditioned. He was surprised to actually be picked though he didn't actually expect to be spending his summer on a reality TV show. He doesn't mind too much, though; it might be fun.

BRIDGETTE

Name: Bridgette

Likes: Strummin’ on her ukulele

Dislikes: People who aren't kind to Mother Earth

Known For: Her sense of humor and creativity

Why TDI?: To spread the message of cosmic love through music.

Bridgette grew up in a small west coast town, and it shows. She’s always enjoyed the simple things, from the rhythm of a waterfall down to the melody of a bird. She’s an expert at riding bikes too; she first learned to ride one before she could even walk! When she’s just on a stroll, though, she's kind of klutzy. She's done her fair share of lead-outs. (And they were all on foot!) Luckily, she's also got a healing touch. Bridgette's strongest attributes are her sense of humor and her creativity. She's a pretty laid-back, go-with-the-flow girl, and her best friend is her mom. They both love flowers, crystals, and everything else that is part of Mother Nature's beautiful bounty. Bridgette's mom is proud of her not only because she's a giving person, but also because she's also on the honor roll at school. She’s also considered pretty cool for her ukulele-playing skills. People will say she can play it in a unique way you don’t see every day. Bridgette signed up for Total Drama Island because she always tries to open herself up to new opportunities. She's already biked off a hill in Peru, helped build houses in a third-world country, and spent a summer making rugs in a monastery in Nepal. Bridgette's goal is to keep the vibe flowing in a good way. That's why she always uses her ability to make soothing music to raise money for charities. She can be seen on social media or performing on the street, but no matter what, she makes sure she stores the money to be put to good use for good causes. Bridgette hopes that her time on Total Drama Island will spread the message of music to communicate nature and cosmic love to a larger audience.

TRENT

Name: Trent

Likes: Collecting seashells as well as everything else the shore has to offer… in pairs of nine.

Dislikes: His dad telling him to become an accountant.

Known For: Being a cool guy.

Why TDI?: It sounded like a good way to spend the summer

Trent is a guy who is very interested in the ocean and he believes it has spiritual secrets if you look deep enough. That’s why since he could barely walk he’s been exploring the shore. In fact He’s proud to call himself the most knowledgeable kid concerning the local beaches. Eventually, Trent's goal is to have his own full fledged rockin’ artifact collection. Trent is also peculiarly good at surfing in edition to that all. Trent has never gone out of his way to "get" people to like him. He'd just rather chill and get a good view of everything going on in the world. He's a straight shooter who tells it like it is. He would never say he's the "cool guy." Trent is the kind of guy who gets girls and has the other guys admiring him. He's just too likable to hate. His surfing and scavenging skills seal his status as one cool compadre. In his junior high graduating class he was voted as "Most Mysterious and Irresistible." (It was later discovered that the Voting Committee was comprised completely of girls, all of whom dated Trent.) Despite his good looks and easy going matter, Trent is smarter than he's given credit for. Though his grades don't reflect it, his IQ is well above anyone's expectations, including his own. His Dad wished he would follow in his footsteps and become an accountant, to which Trent has four words... NOT - IN - THIS - LIFETIME! Trent auditioned for Total Drama Island because it sounded like a cool way to spend the summer...and $100,000 would make a nice funding for that scuba gear and other

Footnote: Wow, this was harder than it should’ve been for me to make… if I had to say out of all of them here, Geoff took the longest to come up with. Even then though I feel like I could do better tried as hard as I could though for right now anyways, anddd I’m hoping to not take as long with future batches. Also I’ll definitely draw very cool shots for Tyler, Courtney, and Lindsay later on the future as well even if I already did their biographies.🤩

[thatgirl4815]

Intimacy (Ep4)

So there is a lot of behind the scenes work happening in this episode, diving into character histories and further developing how they've come to find themselves in the relationships they're in. All of these details will likely play a large role in how each couples' bonds deepen or widen.

RaySand

Ray's behavior gets a lot of context this episode, particularly in regards to Mew, who he is still crushing on. Because this is such a big plot point this episode, it has a lot of subtle implications for Ray's burgeoning relationship with Sand. Forgive me while I go on a tangent about Ray...

It's become clear--and I think Ray himself even realizes this--that Ray's feelings for Mew are more about the role Mew can fulfill rather than the person Mew really is. How many times does Ray say "No one loves me" in that opening scene? Ray needs so desperately to feel that someone loves him, and he's grown accustomed to being called a brat and a burden because he sees himself that way too.

Ray tells Mew that he isn't looking for a real relationship, but he seems to crave one. I think though that if Ray did date Mew, he would find himself in a similar situation as what he is (eventually) going to find with Sand: having someone love him is all he wants, but the threat of that person leaving him is worse than receiving no love at all. The thought of having Mew return his feelings is perfect because it's just a fantasy--a reflection of what he needs to feel whole again.

Ray turns back to Sand to distract himself from Mew, but Ray's relationship with Sand is going to show him what happens when the fantasy of being loved by someone becomes a reality. Being loved means acknowledging all of the hurt and pain that Ray has likely worked so hard to suppress in the years since his mother's death.

Ray and Sand are edging closer and closer to the edge of the "feelings" abyss, and at the moment, Sand is still the only one who seems aware of it. They've already developed an intimate relationship physically, but small gestures like this reflect the emotional intimacy they're working towards. That's what could end up destroying both of them.

TopMew

Top and Mew make more headway as far as physical intimacy this episode, but their emotional intimacy has taken a few steps back from the steady incline it's been on so far...Mew just doesn't know it yet. The trust they have in one another is going to be put to the test again and again as Top tries to conceal the truth about his hookup with Boston.

While I admire how strongly Mew holds to his convictions, particularly where sex is concerned, something still feels missing from their relationship both emotionally and physically. I can't decide if it's intentional or not. If it's intentional, perhaps it's meant to reflect that all is not as it seems between them, that there are still substantial barriers they'll have to overcome to make their relationship work (trust issues, for one). Part of it might also be that we have witnessed Top try again and again to win Mew over, but Mew still seems resistant in any case. Again, I don't blame him given Top's reputation, but even when he opens up, Mew still comes across extremely guarded, almost as if he isn't completely sold on being in a relationship at all.

This might just be my take on it. I'm curious if anyone else feels similarly. I want to be invested in Top and Mew's relationship, but the very obvious cheating and lying going on is making it difficult for me to anticipate a happy ending, and it casts a cloud over their intimate scenes already. (Again, probably intentional. I'm anxious to see where it'll go from here.)

BostonNick

Boston never changes. He plays Nick like a fiddle. The only change we see between them this episode comes from Nick's side, with him finally admitting verbally that he's into Boston (as if we did not already know that). I find it funny that Nick agrees with everyone who tells him that Boston is bad news, yet he's just as down bad as before. I think Nick takes the cake for most pathetic character on the show (*affectionate*)...can't say I condone his obvious spying and breaking into Boston's phone though. At least Nick has flaws too, otherwise Boston would be blowing him out of the water as far as negative traits are concerned.

Boston's ego is also extremely apparent in every scene with Nick. I think Boston likes knowing that Nick is developing feelings, even if he has no intention of returning them. He sees himself as a prize, and Nick's affection just reaffirms that (something he desperately needs while Top is rejecting him).

Boston and Ray both take the cake as far as getting back into Nick and Sand's good graces though. Those cheek kisses and puppy dog eyes haven't failed them yet.

(Not entirely related, but I am not ready for Boston and Nick to crash RaySand's makeout session next week. Let the boys kiss in peace please.)

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi rae!! The new chapter was like a punch in the gut and yes i say this after every chapter u can sue me

So yes. Sirius fades away every passing chapter i'm feeling so sad on his behalf my poor baby :(( him not accepting when remus offers to go to his place because he thinks he cannot bear that intimacy at the moment and also him not being able to feel a spark even when he was with his moony :((((

And remus not being able to bear the sight of s when he seemed hollow despite it was actually probably the highest point for s in a while... Like yes remus is the king of denial and he might pretend there's nothing substantial between them but he cares so much and it shows between his cracks and it's devastating

Like this part rly broke me a little, the way he turns to reg for support even though he doesn't like him, bc maybe he thinks reg is the only one who could understand and back him up? He risks the ultimate mission bc he saw sirius at his low™ and it only rly gets worse for sirius since they spend the night together. And he knows but he can't even do something about it. And to think that the sirius he's so worried about isn't even his sirius bc his sirius betrayed his trust when the trust in question took maybe years to build. His fight for his feelings, the contrast between his views and the things sirius has done, his final acceptance of sirius, his confession, all thrown away in a night. Also the irony that the betrayal of sirius came from a place of loyalty to the group and to the mission in a way, when the initial distrust of remus was bc he thought s was the opposite of these traits. In his eyes sirius finally changed, but also that change was the thing that split them apart <//3

And sirius accepted risking his life for the mission even though he can't really feel what he once felt for the group, he can't really understand (even if it makes sense to him that he would do the things he is shown doing) bc he has no recollection of actually living through the past years. And despite that he still risks his life because sacrificing himself for his brother and the people he might have loved seems alright to him? Even though he cannot remember loving those people? Even though he hasn't seen his assumed dead brother in years? It has always been loyalty for sirius and it's tearing me apart :((

So thank you for the new chapter it's great in an emotional torture-y kind of way so naturally i loved every second of reading it <33 hope life is being kind and delicate with you <3

hiiii love these little chats of ours xx

i love writing a character spiraling what can i say...especially love when it happens 2 s i want him dead inside etc...would apologize but i'm not very sorry am i xx

& literally was giggling & kicking my feet writing that scene w r lol i was like hehe s is gonna see a memory of him being devastated...they will never actually talk about it in person of course <3 perfect...

& yes u get it like. the irony of it all...s becoming a better person being both the thing that results in love & simultaneously erases it (literally!). i love when relationships r doomed sooo fun!! & yeah him accepting this mission now is like. partially that loyalty but at the same time coming from the fact that like. much of his past self-preservation has been eaten thru by his rapidly deteriorating emotional state...like before he was scared of dying but more scared of his loved ones dying. now he's still scared of his loved ones dying but is also like. well maybe it wouldn't even be so bad if i died...

anyway. u r welcome of course ty 4 the kind words etc <3 <3

[moonspirit]

Tw: ed

Have you ever thought that armin can have an ed? Like bc he is not as big as other soldiers and all so he just eats and eats and eats even if he wasnt hungry so hed get bigger but it ends with him throwing up bc of these large amounts .

i think armins physique is pretty nice. Like its that slim body but with nice muscles. (Idc what anyone says abt that its the truth) but just him hating himself and his body and when annie finds out shell just be crashed and shell sit next to him and tell him that if he doesnt like his body, she can train him to make it better for him but he just declines bc i hc that armin knows that his body is not half bad- like its standard really but still hates it anyway

Hi anon!

Well, I can see him having some issues with food, perhaps.

I'm a believer in Armin having a severe hatred for his body; while it first probably started out as a simple thing like: "I wish I was as strong as Eren and Mikasa", joining the military made it worse. The preliminaries to become a cadet in training must've been very hard on him and I imagine there may have been some very competitive and derogatory talk amongst the trainees - children can be cruel, and big children with confidence can be extra cruel.

Given the scarcity of meat and other animal products in Paradis after the walls broke, Armin may have tried, during his time training in the military, to eat at least as much as the bigger guys (Jean? Marco? Reiner, certainly) in the hopes that he'd put on height and gain more muscle. Only, when he throws up in the empty lavatories later because his system can't take so much for his build, the self-hatred only gets worse. I don't think he'd have found any solace in confiding either to Eren or Mikasa, resorting to swallowing his feelings and putting on a brave face instead. Military life also doesn't allow for much privacy, and post-graduation, given the Scouts' irregular timetables, it seems unlikely that he'd have been able to stick to frequenting the baths early in the mornings before it fills.

Post-timeskip, however, despite growing taller and stronger, changing substantially in physique as well, Armin's issues with his body are ten-times worse. He hates his body, he's still small and weak, he should eat more, but also has very little appetite thanks to a severe slump and depression. Because he's lost so many people now, perhaps he thinks that if he'd just been built stronger or taller, something may have been different. Somebody may have lived. It's an irrational connection to make even for his logic-wired mind, but sometimes such irrational downward spirals can get the best of you when you hate yourself so much.

It could be that this struggle with food and appetite carries over into his civilian life post-rumbling. Many people seem to agree that Armin periodically just forgets to eat too, thanks to his diplomat duties and stressful lifestyle, and I'm on the same bandwagon.

With Annie, I really think what Armin would benefit the most from is accepting her wholehearted admiration and love for his body. See, I think Annie would get it too; it's not that Armin's dislike of his body will magically disappear if he just gets jacked like Reiner is--and anyway, that's an unrealistic goal to achieve, all things considered--but she can tell him she loves the way he looks, loves the way he feels, loves the way he is, and perhaps that will make it easier for him to go from "I'm not bad but I still hate myself" to "I'm fine. I'm okay. And I'm happy with that."

[themattress]

How Toriyama/Toyotaro salvaged "End of Z"

Let me start this post with a personal confession that may or may not be unpopular: I have very little interest in Dragon Ball DAIMA. I have slightly more than I used to after Akira Toriyama's death since I am naturally curious to see what the last Dragon Ball related material he ever produced is like, but otherwise it still looks like just a different take on Dragon Ball GT, my least favorite Dragon Ball series, except that more characters than just Goku turn young and it's the Demon Realm that's being explored instead of space. It also doesn't help that the head writer, Yuko Kakihara, makes me nervous - she's done fine work as an episodic script writer on anime such as Fresh Pretty Cure, My Bride is a Mermaid, and Pokémon Journeys, and she was fantastic as the head writer of IRODUKU: The World in Color. But in terms of shows closer to what Dragon Ball DAIMA seems like, she was head writer on that god-awful Stitch anime that Disney stupidly allowed to be made. Worse still, she was the writer of Digimon Adventure Tri. So you can understand why I have reservations.

Point is, I consider Dragon Ball DAIMA to be a sideshow, regardless of what its merits may end up being. For me personally, it's the manga/anime trilogy of Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z and Dragon Ball Super that really counts the most. And as tragic as the circumstances behind the end of Toriyama's involvement on the latter are, I am highly impressed what he and his mangaka protégée Toyotaro were able to accomplish. With three major steps, they have substantially retconned the notoriously underwhelming ending of the original manga series and DBZ anime, known as "End of Z" among fans, in a way that makes a satisfying closure.

The first step was way back in Dragon Ball Online. Toriyama was involved back then in canonically mapping out the future of the Dragon Ball world, long after Goku, his friends and his family have passed away. And a major part of that was how Gohan, Goten, Trunks and Pan affected that world for the better in their adult lives. Gohan in particular has a masterful end to his long struggle between being a fighter and being a scholar by becoming a scholar on ki fighting techniques, publishing a study that makes it widely possible for humans around the world to master ki control and gain flight and energy blasts. It's a perfect outcome for him.

The second step was through Toriyama's involvement in the new movies and Super series. End of Z now cannot happen the way it was presented in the original manga and anime. There are way too many discrepancies, from character appearances, the lack of certain characters who it would make little sense not to be there, and details like "none of Goku's friends saw him for 5 years before then" which have now been completely contradicted. Obviously the 28th Budokai where Goku meets Uub and takes him under his wing for training is still canon, but that event is now free to transpire in a far more plausible and satisfactory way than the famously rushed, haphazard and OOC way in which it was depicted before.

The third and final step was the last collaboration between Toriyama and Toyotaro in the Super manga. The final three chapters they worked on together were an epilogue to the story of the Super Hero film, actually tying its plot together with the side plot featuring Goku and Vegeta on Beerus' planet. Perhaps responding to prevalent criticisms, the movie had already made a major point of showing how the world can still be successfully defended by the Z Fighters even without Goku and Vegeta being there. And in these three chapters, the point is carried even further by having Goku test what the new generation is capable of, a theme that's even reflected in the final chapter's title, "Passing On To The Future". This completely recontextualizes End of Z. Originally made as a laughable attempt to salvage the "Goku passing the torch" direction with Uub in place of Gohan after Toriyama botched it so badly with him, now it makes Uub only the latest in a large field of fighters that includes Gohan. Now it's Gohan, Goten, Trunks, Pan, even Broly of all people, who are being gathered as Earth's next line of defense once Goku and Vegeta finally expire. Uub will join that group. (Oh, and being Namekian, both Piccolo and Dende will still be around to assist, of course.)

So while the narrative of Dragon Ball may have peaked with the Cell Saga, now the Majin Buu Saga -> Battle of Gods Saga -> Resurrection F Saga -> Universe 6 Saga -> Future Trunks / Goku Black Saga -> Universe Survival Saga -> Broly Saga -> Galactic Patrol Prisoner Saga -> Granolah the Survivor Saga -> Super Hero Saga -> End of Z together create a worthier follow-up than just the Majin Buu Saga -> End of Z was back in the day. Certainly not perfect, even when leaving the loose ends out of it (so Freeza's just gonna stay loose out there with a new ultimate form?), but feeling much closer to a fully realized ending.

Thank you, Toriyama. You made it up as you went along right to the very end, but as usual, your remarkable creative talent managed to make it all fit together. You are deeply missed.

[shipcestuous]

Not to discourse in your inbox, but the reason HOTD fans dislike Helaemond so much isn’t even to do with them being incest or “proship”, because these same people usually like to discuss Helaegon. It’s they think the idea of this ship threatens Team Green as the morally correct option or weakens their side in the fandom wars, so they have to talk about how OOC it is and shippers are all self inserting. Which is crazy because (assuming you’re caught up!!) Aemond just tried to brutally murder his brother. I don’t think him then doing some light kissing with his brother’s wife is entirely beyond his moral compass. 🤷‍♀️

Yeah, my impression was that there's a substantial group of Team Green fans that hate Helaemond because they think it would make the Greens seem like hypocrites because of Alicent's diatribe about adultery and Aemond's comments about the "Strong boys", etc.

That does make some sense. But -

First of all, there's way to ship Helaemond where they have never acted on their feelings, and a lot of people do ship it that way.

Second, Aemond might have mocked Jace and Luce for being bastards but I feel like there's a difference, fair or not, from the perspective of the characters living in that world, and in that exact context, between cheating with another Targaryen, a full brother, and cheating with some other family. Because the children, while bastards, would still have two Targaryen parents and would still only have Viserys for a grandfather, etc. It doesn't break the line in the same way.

Third, everyone could tell and everyone knew that Jace and Luce weren't the sons of Rhaenyra's husband, so there was this whole other element of "flouting it" and having no shame rather than it being a family secret. (Not that I think Rhaenyra flouted it.)

Fourth, arguably Aegon has been shown in a better light this season and I don't think he's an abusive husband. But Helaena's affair, if she had one, is often thought of as representing a sort of happiness or escape for her, and I don't think that's the attitude Alicent and others had towards Rhaenyra's affair. Alicent kind of thinks Rhaenyra is a whore sometimes? That oversimplifies things but gets my point across best. And I just don't think that would be the attitude by most towards Helaena having an affair with Aemond. Plus Rhaenyra had A LOT of choice about who she was going to marry. Helaena had no choice.

And fifth, as you said, is being a hypocrite really worse than their other crimes? That's the thing that's going to ruin the Greens?

I feel some Team Green fans think that they have to justify liking Team Green or have to make Team Green seem "better" in some way. It's OK to just like them better and be more interested in them. It's OK to want them to win and/or be more popular just because you find them more compelling.

Granted, I wish the writing was taking a more evenhanded approach to the two sides. Extreme Team Black is salty about the few changes that have been made that make the Greens look better or more sympathetic than they might have otherwise, but overall it's pretty clear that Rhaenyra is the legitimate heir according to what was established in the show and would make a better queen and that the Greens are generally worse people and a little wild. I think it's more fun when there's no obvious "right" side unless it's straight up good vs. evil. We've kind of got a "good (+ Damon) vs. less good" thing here. I wish it was just less good vs less good.

A lot of Helaemond anti sentiment is also coming from Aegon stans and yeah, that's just gonna happen. That's fandom. I don't blame them for not liking it. Aegon and Helaena should have had more scenes together, I completely agree about that. But that's also the problem with an ensemble show filled with interesting characters. There's not enough time and the focus is always on scenes that set something up. (Plus I love long scenes of characters talking about their feelings. But most directors would consider that a pacing issue.) And they're constrained by the book.

I'm just dreaming of the day when I go to the Helaemond tag and it's full of fanart and gifsets and commentary about Helaemond scenes. Imagine.

[punchholesinthesky]

the marvels:

look, i really enjoyed it.

it was a lot of fun!

and i am probably biased cause i am a fan, so i am for whom this movie was made.

but

i do think it feels a bit rushed.

mainly cause it's trying to do a lot of things at the same time.

captain marvel ends with her setting out on her own to be a hero, wanting to defeat her captors, help the kree.

...

and then we jump and it's been a long time.

we should've gotten something, just of her being a hero on her own.

going on adventures

so we can come back here and do this whole thing

because we have a villain who's trying to get revenge on her and fix her planet, which we didn't know was broken

we didnt know what had become of her

why her and monica weren't talking

it's the same thing with black widow or cap

black widow got one movie, and everything else was off-screen, when she should've gotten several.

captain america shouldve gotten something between tws and civil war

iron man got several movies of learning to be a hero

if you want to renew the cast, you need to do the same

give them time to breathe.

not just leave it to random moments in other people's adventures

it seems ooc that carol would never come back to see her family, after fighting so hard to regain it

i also have issues with the way the mcu just decided stark enterprised wasnt a thing anymore, now it was damage control and SABER

where did they come from? who cares

they spent the first ten years carefully crafting a universe and then just started throwing random shit at the wall.

some of it is really good but a lot of it doesnt connect anymore

it only works in isolation

carol fucking shit up cause shes angry, then running home when she sees the resulting chaos, and been comforted by her family, and then running back to fix it, that sounds a lot better.

but so often sequels hate to see some decent family relationships, the heroes can never be good parents,things are shit till we almost die and then we fix it before we die

it's more of 'we want to do x, but we don't want to do the work of thinking or showing, why would x happen, how do we drive our characters there' instead it's just 'x is happening, don't ask why'

like, carol is a hot head. if you read the comics you know this. and she has done a lot of dumb,impulsive things.

so her running off and making things worse isn't all that strange really.

but it was obvious from the beginning that she should be the one to fix it, and it makes carol look bad that she doesn't realise that.

that she can fix it.

not even previous attempts to try to fix it.

they wouldn't want her to, but her fucking up can be a good learning moment.

i did something stupid and violent, so now I try not to jump to violence

there was jsut a lot more to do, and i feel like marvel was just cheapening out rather than try to do something more with carol.

cause the other two are great, but it shouldve been more about carol's journey i guess???

they made a point of showing her being a hero in the fucking 90s of saying she's been at this a while, but then we don't get to see any of it, and she doesn't act like someone who does in fact have a lot of experience.

it is a lot of fun, and i will see it again, but yeah i do feel they went for something easy, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it should've come after we get something more substantial

[godtier]

and now for something completely different—

so I'm playing through ffxvi and I wanted to Rant about my experience so far so spoilers

so firstly, and not actually spoilers lmao, idk why this game makes my ps5 so warm. it's honestly not... *that* impressive graphically? which isn't necessarily a dig at it; I'll play anything as long as I can tell wtf is going on and it's fun to play. so idk if it's just yet another AAA game that isn't optimized well or what, though typically console games are *more* optimized... idk! just a gripe.

other than that, I'm seeing some Issues developing narratively... I'm not what I'd call an Expert Writer but yknow it's been noticeable so far. here are few thoughts and gripes with the story:

the inconsistencies in the story. the biggest one so far, and this is what I'd consider p big spoilers, is clive's whole "I gotta come to terms with the fact I killed Joshua" which is like... okay *fair* I suppose, but once he figured out that he was ifrit, yknow after killing benedikta, he... I mean he kinda *did* immediately accept it?? so... the whole "I gotta accept this" part was odd. I have heard tell that it was meant to represent a jungian acceptance of the shadow, or at least that's what people are alluding to in their own theories (and this is all secondhand btw bc I have the tags blocked til I finish)

to elaborate on what jung's interpretation of the shadow is for those who don't know: the shadow is essentially the suppressed subconscious, the things you don't want to acknowledge, for better or worse. it's most typically applied to things like traumatic events, but jung specifically does not commit to the idea that the shadow is *only* bad things. when you confront the shadow, the next step is to integrate the shadow to the conscious mind or ego, which you could argue was why they may have written it the way they did; clive isn't just acknowledging that he did do that (which he pretty readily did when he figured out he was ifrit's dominant) but he's also accepting it as irrefutable fact and integrating it to the ego so it cannot be repressed again.

now... having said that, the *problem* narratively that I'm seeing is that... well. Joshua isn't dead. clearly if Joshua had died... well, that'd be one thing. now they're saying "well ACKCHUALLY 🤓 he didn't die at all!" so that, to me, renders the entire "journey" pointless. what exactly is he accepting? if he didn't actually do it, why or how could he feasibly accept ifrit in that context? wouldn't his subconscious mind, his shadow (ifrit in this case) remain unincorporated? it's just very clunky and I think it was meant to show Clive as an unreliable narrator.... but there's really no one there but Joshua to confront this false accusation. and Joshua is MIA currently at the point I'm in so! who knows!

moving on, Jill is currently nearly a non-character at this point. what I mean by that is she's always just sort of... there. the only times she's shown depth is her speaking about hating herself for what she did with her powers while in captivity. even then, it doesn't appear to be given the attention smth like that deserves; we see a handful of flashbacks from when we fight her at the very beginning... and that's really it. I would like to see more but I have a feeling they will not be showing us

benedikta died way too early. she seemed like she was going to be a character of mild intrigue, but she was killed so very quickly. her and cid's past relationship (whatever that might have been) was only just elaborated on (we know cid saved her from slavery but little else), but I feel it could have been fleshed out beyond that. they spoke in broad terms about how she was and then what she became... but nothing I would consider to be substantial enough, given her connection to a major character. we also don't see enough of her and hugo, just that scene where they practically dry hump in the hallway. we know he cared a lot about her, esp during the scene with her uh. severed head? which... who did that, exactly? they blame it on cid, but we know he would not have done that. but anyway, fleshing out their relationship would have been nice

cid's death. now, it's not that I'm saying something as basics as "he could have lived" which, maybe? and it's not even that they did the whole "oh [mystery person] (it's Joshua) shows up to save them but he's too late!" trope crap. what bothers me the most about his death from a character perspective is his lack of *any* mention of the daughter he supposedly loved so much as he lay dying. now yes, up til that point, we only know that cid has a daughter via a sidequest that people could miss. but that in and of itself is an issue. why introduce that aspect of his character... and then never do anything with it while he was alive? why did they feel it sidequest worthy? they could have just slipped it in as banter or something, maybe gav teasing him or something?? anything?? basically the fact that he dies without nary an utterance of his so beloved daughter, not even her name, was a huge sour point to me. sure, you could argue that he wanted to get pertinent information to Clive as quickly as possible since he knew he was dying, but I would have been satisfied with just a whisper of her name (which I don't remember them mentioning during the sidequest?) and they could elaborate on it later, maybe in a follow-up sidequest??? maybe you find the letter he meant to send her back?? anything??? it just seems so weird from a characterization standpoint to introduce this concept of him melting for his daughter, his daughter being such a soft spot, etc, and then... never addressing it in a meaningful way when he's on death's doorstep

OK this is a dumb thing and not necessarily a negative thing but how the fuck did tomes, a geriatric librarian, survive the raid on the hideout but a bunch of younger, much more spry characters just croaked and couldn't escape lmao. IDK I LOVE TOMES DONT GET ME WRONG but it was just so... idk. funny? I also get it's a game mechanics contrivance as well, given that they built an entire mechanic around him, but idk I wanted to mention it bc it makes me laugh

that's about it for now. if you message me about this tho, pls no spoilers beyond the iron kingdom crystal raid. thank. 🙏

[cazort]

I've never dealt with air this bad in my life and it's really frustrating and kinda scary. That picture? It's not an overcast day, there are no clouds in the sky, that's all haze from the smoke.

The problem isn't just that it's this bad, it's been that it's been bad for days now. Today is the worst it's been.

For people who don't know what it's like, here has been my experience:

On the better days, when I've gone for a walk outdoors, my nose and throat burns a little bit. On the bad days, I don't go outdoors much, and I still feel this way all day long, and the feeling doesn't go away.

After it's been bad for a few days in a row, staying inside doesn't really help much. Indoor air came from outdoor air, and unless you are in a space with a really advanced filtration system, a lot of the pollutants are likely to be indoors too after a few days.

I feel like there is a small amount of junk to clear out from my lungs. One of the worst nights I had a coughing fit when trying to go to sleep and it made it hard to go to sleep. I notice I have to breathe a little faster than normal just to get enough air, which worsens the irritation.

The air smells like wood smoke everywhere. It is especially evident the first time I step out my front door in the morning. By now, you can smell it indoors too, it seems to concentrate in certain parts of my home, presumably because of air currents.

The smoke is thick enough that it substantially reduces the sunlight. The lighting is about as dark as a solar eclipse, and similar-looking because it is like reduced sunlight but without clouds. This has made temperatures unseasonably cool, both during the day and at night, which helps a little bit, in that normally I'd want to open the windows and put fans in them, and I can get by without doing this. It has also slightly mitigated the drought (we are unfortunately also in the middle of a drought, which probably makes the smoke worse because plant growth is less lush than it normally would be, and rain removes particulate matter from the air.)

The air quality is noticeably better in areas with dense tree cover, and best in wild areas that have lush, full plant growth, not just scattered trees in landscaping. Plant trees, people, and more importantly, protect wild ecosystems including forests, and allow dense growth of vegetation wherever possible. Trees and other plants remove pollutants from the air, and you notice it in real-time in events like these.

For people in the affected areas, here are some tips:

Follow public health recommendations about avoiding activity. Check air quality throughout the day (airnow.gov) and time being outdoors at the better times. Often, particulate matter from these wildfires is lowest in the late afternoon, which is different from the normal air pollution from ground-level ozone which is often highest at that time, so the patterns of when air is cleanest or dirtiest may not be intuitive to you.

Wear N95 masks or other masks designed to filter particulate matter, if you have access to them.

Eat vitamin C rich foods and/or take vitamin C (< 2000mg is safe daily, best to space it throughout the day) because air pollution tends to deplete vitamin C and other antioxidants. Vitamin C is more important because it has a short life-cycle in the body, contrasting with vitamins A and E which are also antioxidants and are important to eat a lot of in the long-term, but are fat-soluble and stored in large quantities so eating them in the short-term doesn't do much.

Drink antioxidant-rich tea and herbal tea, such as true tea (green, black, oolong, etc.) or herbs like rooibos, fenugreek, ginger, and others. Even though these teas don't have much vitamin C, they have a lot of polyphenols and other plant antioxidants which will circulate in your system and help reduce the depletion of vitamins that function as antioxidants, like Vitamins A, C, and E.

In the long-run, plant trees and other lush vegetation, protect forests and wild areas and lush plant growth. Advocate for action to mitigate climate change. And, in fire-prone areas, advocate for the use of controlled burns, which were used by Native Americans for thousands of years before Europeans instituted an unscientific policy of fire suppression. Controlled burns can reduce fuel loads by burning at safer times of year, like in relatively moist conditions in winter, when wind speed keeps the fires away from nearby population centers, and prevent catastrophic, out-of-control fires like we are seeing this year.

These wildfires are not "natural" events and are not random, they are 100% preventable and are the result of a combination of climate change and fire suppression, which is related to the destruction of Native American cultures which had a more sustainable relationship to fire and had figured out how to integrate themselves into fire-prone landscapes in a healthier way. There will always be fires, but we can act in ways that ensure that fires are smaller and more predictable and manageable.

[veebs-says]

Did I just have a seizure? Am I about to have a migraine? Does it really make a difference one way or the other?

Either way my brain doesn't work right and the solution is at least partially that my doctors should just give me my damn prescriptions instead of letting them run out and make me harass them to get them to do anything about it. You are not installing confidence that you're actually going to help me if you complain about me not having seen you in person as recently as you'd like when the reason I haven't been there as often at usual is that I've been having a really hard time in general, and not having my damn meds does not make that easier. Especially when my brain's default response to anything changing suddenly is to do something neurologically weird.

And when I say I've been having a hard time what I really mean is that the past six months have been the worst six months of my life in just about every imaginable way, and that's after the previous couple years were already worse than everything before that in many ways. Almost everything that's ever gone wrong before is going wrong simultaneously these days.

I almost started making a list here, but it's too much and doesn't feel helpful right now. It's also not helpful that my vision and hearing have both gotten substantially worse this year instead of just the usual stuff where my brain is weird.

And I guess that's where I've been for the past six months of not looking at Tumblr because the couple times I tried made me sad so it was easier to just not. I've apparently been busy becoming increasingly disabled, losing most of what I had in my life, and not really having much agency with any of it.

I spent most of my life starting in high school gradually getting worse with each passing year, but finally in the last couple years before the pandemic I made some positive progress for the first time in a very long time, and things were starting to look better for a change. My health was still kind of a mess but seemed to be improving, I was getting out and doing more things (including stuff I never would've done before), and I had tons of friends and great relationships with awesome people.

Now my health is the worst it's ever been, I haven't left the house in two years other than moving from one place I live to another or occasional medical stuff that has to be done in person, and I'm more isolated than I've ever been. And I can't just magically fix any of that. I barely have the capacity to brush my teeth once a day and shower once every five months, and if my food weren't provided for me I would simply starve. None of those are exaggerations.

If I can barely do any of that, how am I supposed to address any of these things and change them? And if I barely even know who I am on my own anymore, how am I supposed to even think about who I am in friendships and relationships?

It took my entire life to finally just barely get a fraction of my shit together, and now not only has all of that been undone but I've ended up so much further back than where I started. I can't do all that again, and it's that much worse having seen what I could be and quite possibly not ever being able to get it back.

And maybe that's wrong. Maybe someone will finally figure out what's wrong with me and things will get better. That's still what I'm hoping for, even if it would almost definitely take years to undo some of this.

The problem is that if this can't be fixed and this is all I've got, it's not worth it. And unless my health or my relationships get drastically better my backup plan is basically guess I'll die dot jpg. Not because that's what I want or anything, but I clearly can't take care of myself and my parents are getting old and can't for that much longer either.

And like...that's fine? It's not something I didn't already accept as a possibility a long time ago. I've been 100% dependent on other people for a while, and if for any reason they can't or won't keep doing that, then...

I know people always say it's not a burden to care for someone who's sick or injured or disabled, but I don't think that's actually true. It definitely is. I've seen how it affects the people around me. It may be really obvious the ways our bullshit society doesn't give someone like me almost any of the support I need, but equally as much it doesn't do that for any of the people around me who have to make up for what it doesn't do. And those people may sometimes be ok with that or at least willing to do it anyway, but I'm not convinced it's not a burden on them, just that it's one they choose to bear.

This whole thing has been bouncing around in my head for months, slowly taking shape. I probably left out at least half of what I've been thinking about, but whatever weird brain thing is going on right now has caught up with me, and I can't remember or really think about it any more right now.

I don't know whether I want everyone to see this or no one to see this. Obviously the answer is to put it on here and let the whims of Tumblr sort it out.

[marylandlifecoaching]

You Decide

Choice. We really don't understand how powerful we are. And because we don't, we gravitate towards the negative in many situations. But in reality, we decide. We get to choose the narrative. We can focus on the dark side, or the light. It's all a matter of perception. Me...I choose light. Let's get into it.

I would never want to minimize what anyone is going though. And if there is one thing I have learned in providing 38 years of mental health work, it's the value of shutting the fuck up. When someone is suffering, it is not for me, you or anyone else to tell someone how they should be feeling. Saying things like "It will get better", or "I know how you feel" offers no real help. Saying things like "Is there anything I can do?", or "I can't even imagine what you are going though" validates their pain.

But let me redirect us back to our power. In those 38 years of mental health work, I have learned just how resilient we can be. Some us get stuck. Some of us get moving. And here is my take away from providing decades of crisis and first response work.

1. Those who focused on what they have instead of what they don't, recover at a much faster pace.

2. While grieving takes time, those who made an effort to live, improved their quality of life substantially.

3. Those who had a community that would support, rather than try and trauma bond, seemed to walk out of the darkness quicker.

4. All who believed that life holds the possibility that it could get better, usually got better.

5. Those who did not minimize what they were dealing with, were the ones who sought out help. Thus, staying stuck or getting worse, usually did not happen.

6. Those who acknowledged their part {toxic behavior}, course corrected and bypassed landing in the same situation again.

If you have been following me for a number of years, you would know the tragedy that both my wife and I have had to endured. But you would also be hard pressed, to find anyone who is more laid back, in love with life, generous, and caring than my wife and I. {Not a flex.} We just understand this one fundamental truth. That just because life can be brutal, doesn't mean we have to respond in kind. In fact, the harder life got, the more we leaned into each other and what remained. In other words, we decided to choose happy. Do we have bad times? Of course. We have cultivated the art of mediation, prayer and service. If we can't help ourselves, at least we can help somebody else.

All I am saying is this. We can magnify the pain. Or we can magnify our purpose. And my purpose is love. I decide what to focus on. I love the saying, "We can quit or we can keep going. Both hurt." Picking up what I am laying down? You have the power. You have a choice. You decide.

[thetaekookcloset]

Hi, Dropping my sus moment

I loved supper package 2019 even though tae was miserable there. Poor chap. We get to see them two times sharing car but the camera doesn't show that. First when they were going to Wanju and other time when tae was showing some food item and kookie had to enter from other side as they were filming Tae inside the car. This gives hint for winter bear mv too (Tae even use the same clothes he wear in winter bear ending scene in their last morning. Then at the night JK draws the hill they filmed it). The most sus moment for me was when they showed reaction of winter bear in bangtan bomb.

Summer package shows jikook shared one room and vhope shared another. Yet when you see bb their clothes and accessories are same as summer package Day 3 yet their rooms are totally different. Summer package shows native touched housing styles but bb shows modern room which makes me wonder why they have shown this bb in different room when everyone has their own room. In fact, Jungkook had open his hanbok but in the mv they showed that part in the middle to imply he buttoned it again which doesn't run with continuity. My sus is jungkook has open his hanbok in someone else's room at 12:30. Earlier they had a staff with them but later they kept the camera on bed. Like why different room, why hanbok is open. I think (just a theory) they actually slept in the room.

We have to remember Tae's condition. When he overheats, sweats, gets welts, itches and is exhausted very easily. It's nearly impossible to stop sweating in buildings without AC in Summer, which is where they spent the 4 days. He said he hadn't been sleeping well on the first day and things just got worse for him. The clip where he didn't get out of the car because it was too hot wasn't just complaining. He really looks ill. I can appreciate his diary entry saying goodbye to Summer and hello to Winter, as Tae's a Winter guy. (Side note: JK even wrote a poem 'break up with summer' and side eyes tae). It's so much easier to regulate his body temperature in the Winter. I'm constantly amazed by what this young man can do and all while dealing with such an intrusive condition.

Oooh, anon, this is a really interesting idea and really good observations!  I’ve never seen any of the summer packages all the way through, but even if I had, I doubt I would have put all of this together.

Has anyone else noticed the things anon is talking about here?  Without having seen the summer package myself, I can’t really say one way or another whether I agree with your suspicions, but it definitely does sound like a possibility.  I’ve always found that reaction to the “Winter Bear” MV to be interesting even without all of the rest of this context, because it’s so casual, and Jungkook is literally in the bed.  At one point he reaches to grab the phone while Taehyung is still holding it, which is just such a familiar thing to do, and there’s something really different about Jungkook through the whole video, I’ve always felt.

He just seems less “on” if that makes sense.  I feel more like I’m seeing the real Jungkook, or something closer to the real Jungkook, as though with just Tae and one camera there, casually laying around in bed, he’s more comfortable just being him.

It’s a hard observation to substantiate (other than the fact that he seems to roll his eyes when Taehyung insists that the song was inspired by a movie he watched, which is also...interesting imo), but it’s a feeling I can’t shake when I watch it.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts about this, it’s super interesting.  I would definitely be curious to know if anyone else noticed the same things.

[tired-reader-writer]

@rayshippouuchiha Ray!! I finally wrote something for it!!!

And @jesterplays thank you for reblogging that “go write three sentences” post. It gave me the push I needed to finish this.

Orochimaru follows a trail of warmth.

There's something warm in the air, invisible and intangible yet still he feels it, tastes it on his tongue. It flows and dances, like wisps of smoke twirling skywards, only this stretches across the graveyard instead.

He knows what this is.

The thunderstorm brings a molten silver sky, drowning out all sound with a percussion of rain upon the rooftops. Each drop of rain pelts down like arrowheads, almost as if gravity was turned up a notch.

The downpour is heavy enough to soak through multiple layers and drench him to the skin, heavy enough to make him feel as if he's standing in the flow of a flooding river. It reminds him of Amegakure, reminds him of the day he and Tsunade parted ways with Jiraiya there. It's been a year since then, and not for the first Orochimaru finds himself wanting.

Tsunade's been busy, flitting from camp to camp and station to station like a bee in a garden, going wherever the chaos is. It's understandable why— there aren't many medic nin, and the staff is stretched out just a tad too thin for her liking.

To make matters worse Tsunade seems to have found herself a lover, and Orochimaru can't even hate her or said lover. In the rare times he gets to see her, her smiles are brighter and wider, and there's this pure sort of lightness to her that's been lacking in these warring days.

It's been cold these days, cold and empty in a way that has nothing to do with the weather and everything to do with his missing teammates.

People stare a lot, like they've got nothing better to do than gazing at this strange creature. They whisper too, a little bit too loud to not be meant for his ears too. And it's impossible to ignore now that there's no Jiraiya to distract him with boisterous laughter, no Tsunade whose presence itself silences them a little bit.

He's been spending more and more time alone. In his lab, in the library, in the woods, the training grounds— somewhere, anywhere but places with a substantial amount of people.

Though, he thinks, it's not like I've been completely alone all this time, either. He's been running into a certain someone by pure coincidence, a certain Uzumaki who must also be trying to avoid people like Orochimaru himself was.

It's not like they're friends, oh no. But they have worked together for an extended amount of time, on a certain project, and what started as companionable silence always devolved into something else entirely— Orochimaru would get curious about seals, and Uzumaki was usually happy to talk about them. He said talking about them reminded him of home, and nobody's really interested in them as Orochimaru is. In turn he'd ask Orochimaru to tell him about his genin days, about Konoha, about his team, about himself.

Strangely enough Orochimaru doesn't find himself reluctant to talk about whatever the Uzumaki wished to know— He doesn't bat an eye at things or details most people recoil from. There's no judgement in his eyes, only a quiet sort of acceptance. 

He's an intriguing subject, and the Uzumaki seems to be obtaining a lopsided sort of comfort from Orochimaru's presence… Eventually they start seeking out each other on purpose, or gravitate towards each other if they happen to be existing in the same general vicinity. 

Like right now, for instance.

There's him, the Uzumaki, kneeling before a stone, still and unmoving as if he were a gravestone himself. It would almost seem he really is a gravestone, unliving and unfeeling, if not for the fact that the fire-warm chakra of the Nine-tails is leaking out of him in the faintest of tendrils.

That's what led Orochimaru to him, after all.

It doesn't take a heartbeat before Uzumaki turns his face upwards to face him, and the grey of his eyes matches the storm raging above them in the sky. And if those storm-grey eyes themselves were raining, who would ever know?

His lips, his dark lips, they curl into a smile, and his eyes crinkle just a bit. Such little things, yet he finds them impossible to ignore or miss.

“Why hello there, Orochimaru-san,” he says, life seeping back into his features bit by bit. “It's a little cold, isn't it?”

Saying it's a little cold is like saying the sky is a little vast, but the Uzumaki is practically oozing warmth that the cold seems to have fled the space between them. It seeps out from his skin, saturates the air around him. Is it the Kyuubi? The seal is secure, they both made sure of that, yet a certain something seems to permeate through the barrier nonetheless.

“Is that the Kyuubi's?” he cuts to the chase.

“Hm? Oh.” Uzumaki stands up, and it doesn't take long for the wisps to gather back. But the warmth between them remains, and the gathered wisps make up just enough to encase them. It would make lesser nin uncomfortable, like a miasma in the air, but Orochimaru can't really say he dislikes it. It's warm.

Uzumaki holds his hand out wordlessly. He's pretty sure neither of them know for sure where they're going, but it can't be a bad time. Not with this person. Somehow, some way, it feels right, even if Orochimaru doesn't know how or why.

He takes his hand, and the vessel's smile grows just a little bit warmer, just a little bit brighter, and the two walk away from the gravestones.

[itsany62]

SteveTony - Getting Together

Here are some Getting Together fics that I adore. Don't forget to leave kudos and nice comments in every fic!

Lovesick, by royal_chandler, 3 k >, fluff.

The depth of the flu aisle in the pharmacy is substantial, overwhelmingly so, and Steve is half-convinced he needs to return to the front and trade his basket for a full-on cart.

There's a Party Going on Right Here, by Annie D (scaramouche), Post-Endgame.

After the Battle of Earth, Tony hosts a party.

Open Tab , by machi_kun , 5k> words, Post-Avengers 2012.

Tony has a lot of money. Really. More money he could possibly ever spend by himself. So what if he spends some of it buying gifts for his friends? People like gifts! And Steve is his friend. His best friend, actually, inside the Avengers, and he’s glad it turned out this way - so it’s also a way of saying 'thanks for putting up with me', he thinks. He just wants Steve to be happy. If Tony can make him happy, then why wouldn’t he? Tony buying Steve gifts is no big deal. Shut up, Rhodey.

(Pretty) Odd, by machi_kun, 5 k> words, Developing Relationship, Fluff.

In his file, Tony Stark had been described as eccentric. He had also been described as a narcissist, as a self-destructive liability, as not-recommended, and all sort of fancy words that are used to disguise the fact that they were calling him an all-around asshole; And that’s a very long list of bad adjectives, for a guy Steve saw carry a nuke behind his back to save the city, gave them a place to stay, and is slowly showing himself to be one of the most curious people Steve has ever met. Maybe Tony Stark is eccentric – and maybe he is a bit of an asshole. But maybe he’s also more than that.

Six Times DUM-E Made It Worse (and One Time He Fixed It) by FestiveFerret, 4 k > words, Outsider POV.

DUM-E has a lot of Very Important jobs to do, and he does his best to do them right. Sometimes, though, things don't work out very well.

All he wants is for his humans to be happy.

Sweet Child O' Mine by starspangledsprocket, 9 k > words, Age Regression/De-Aging, Fluff.

After just their second outing as the Avengers, everyone except for Steve and Tony are turned into toddlers. Madness ensues.

'Cause Everytime We Touch by Perlmutt, 5 k > words, Touch-Starved.

Steve noticed it the first time they were officially introduced at Fury’s office after the battle of New York.

He extended his hand for a handshake, a silent peace offer after their horrible first meeting at the helicarrier almost a week ago. Stark looked at it like it would bite him any second. Steve could see how his hands twitched where he’d buried them in his pockets. But instead of taking his hand, he stared into his eyes for a moment and nodded before turning back to Fury.

Only later would Steve learn that it wasn’t hatred or aversion.

how the thought of you does things to me by Finduilas, 6 k > words, Mutual Pining, Domestic Avengers.

Steve has a thing for Tony's butt. Tony has a thing for Steve's beard. They're both very obvious about it (just ask any of their friends!), but somehow they manage to also be completely oblivious.

Right here waiting by gottalovev, 19 k > words, Cat Dads.

Steve has been missing Tony like crazy since he left the compound. One day, Steve drops in unannounced at the tower, and when on a walk for coffee they rescue newborn kittens.

Or: A yearning Steve, an oblivious Tony, and co-parenting kittens. (= fuff!)

picture perfect (picture us) by starklystar, 18 k > words, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Photo Shoots.

Tony has a habit of being handsy during photoshoots.

Steve has a habit of being flustered whenever Tony touches him.

Misunderstandings happen.

Or, five times Steve and Tony went to a photoshoot

+ the one time they had better things to do.

++ the one time they take their photoshoot online.

take me out (to the ball game) by muItifandomjess, 1 k > words, Fluff.

“Take me out to the ball game, take me out with the crowd,” Steve sings, his shoulder bumping into Tony’s as he sways back and forth. “Come on, Tony, sing!”

“I am a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist,” Tony protests around a mouthful of hot dog. “I do not sing.”

Or, Steve and Tony go to a ball game. It all kind of snowballs from there.

Drifting Further Everyday by GotTheSilver, 8 k > words, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Steve’s quiet a lot of the time, it’s almost like living with a ghost, and Tony kind of hates it; he lives with more than enough actual ghosts every day. The longer time goes on, the more Tony recognises what’s going on, sees the jumpiness, the haunted look on his face, and he gets it. Realises they’re both trying to bury things they don’t want to talk about. More often than not, Tony turns around in the workshop to see Steve sitting there, patiently working on something in his sketchbook or reading an actual book, usually something he missed during the years he was frozen.

Somehow Steve is filling all the gaps in his life Tony didn’t realise he needed filling.

Goop, Or Five Times Steve Rogers Was Covered In... Something, And One Time Tony Was by Bill_Longbow, 7 k > words, Mutual Pining.

There were a lot of things Steve had expected about the future; sleek buildings, sleeker electronics, and all the food you can eat. Being covered in alien goop wasn't one of them.

or

How Steve being covered in... stuff, brings Tony and Steve closer.

The art of longing by itsallAvengers, 63 k > words, Oblivious Tony, Not Actually Unrequited Love.

Steve's used to missing his shot. To being too late, too scared, and losing everything. But he really did think that this time, with Tony, something could work.

Then Tony meets Mark. He's cool and charming, he's a scientist and he's perfect for a man like Tony Stark.

And suddenly Steve...

Well. Steve just doesn't have a place anymore

earth laughs in flowers by starksnack, 3 k > words, Love Confessions, Secret Admirer.

A secret admirer has been sending Tony flowers and confessions of love.

Crash Into You by FestiveFerret, 15 K > words, Post-Avengers (2012), Stranded.

Tony was pretty used to crashing.

It seemed like these days more often than not his return to earth in the Iron Man suit was at least somewhat out of control. He couldn't count the number of times he'd used a helpfully situated building, a local landmark, or, hey, even a teammate to slow a wild descent. And he'd be damned if he'd admit it to Pepper, but on more than one occasion he hadn't even been conscious when he'd hit the ground.

So crashing wasn't really a new experience. He would get banged up a bit, maybe put a scratch in the suit somewhere, but bruised ribs healed and there was no better way to work off the post-battle high than smoothing dents out of his most prized possession.

He had a feeling crashing in the Quinjet, without his armour, was going to be a bit different..

I like me better (when I'm with you) by I_write_things_sometimes, 79 k > words, Domestic Avengers, Friends to Lovers.

If you ask either of them how they got together, they'd go back to an unremarkable night filled with expensive food, rich donors, and lots of schmoozing. And, of course, the anxiety attack that started it all.

"Not recognizing someone was strange enough, but the longer the two men spoke with — or, more accurately at — Tony, the more convinced Steve was that the conversation was unwanted, at least on Tony’s part.

The first clue was that Tony was actively leaning away from the men he was talking to. Steve had learned firsthand that Tony was an incredibly tactile person. When he wanted to talk to you, Tony engaged completely; he’d sling his arm around your shoulders, squeeze your arm, or drag you around as he talked, walked and usually did at least two other things. Even when he argued, Tony was often immediate and in his opponent's space; Steve knew that from experience.

Right now? Tony was scanning the outskirts of the room rather than making eye contact with the men near him. If Steve had to guess, Tony was looking for the nearest exit."

Or, the way Steve Rogers and Tony Stark became friends and then more.

Mission SteveTony by itsallAvengers, 7 k > words, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Steve Rogers.

If the entire team of Avengers could please stop trying to get it on with Tony when Steve is right there, he would really appreciate that, thank you

you'll wait a long time by nanasekei, 16 k > words, Pining, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie).

Steve and Tony share a moment during a wedding. Things escalate from there.

-

Alternatively: Four weddings, a funeral, and one very emotionally stunted idiot.

The Game by FestiveFerret, 5 k > words, Gay Chicken.

The game starts when Tony walks into the garage to find Steve sitting astride the R1200RS, staring down at his phone, and he maybe, just a little bit, walks into a car.

Talking Bodies by itsallAvengers, 13 k > words, Misunderstandings, Insecure Steve Rogers.

Coincidentally, the physical effects of romantic and sexual desire match up very closely with the physical effects of fear. But it's not a problem-- it's not like anyone is going to be able to hear the way your heart speeds up, or see the minute dilation of your pupils, are they? They'd have to be some sort of Superhuman to do that.

And what's worse than a Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and concluding that you're in love with them?

A Superhuman hearing that quick pulse and seeing those dilated eyes and thinking you're terrified of them.

more than just a dream. by frostfall, 10 k > words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Parent Tony Stark.

Tony: Fine.

Tony: I think I might.

Tony: Just might.

Tony: Have a teensy-weensy crush.

Peter: ;)

Peter: Is it who I think it is?

Tony: Unfortunately, yes.

Tony: You happy now?

(Peter thinks he's found the perfect partner for his dad. Tony thinks his son has officially lost his mind. Steve's just oblivious to the fact that he's out of Tony's league.)

don’t want you to get it on (with nobody else but me). by frostfall, 4 k > words, Jealous Steve Rogers, The Pocky Game.

There are a lot of things that Steve doesn’t get about the future. But it’s fine. He will, eventually. He has time.

But one thing he knows is that he’ll never, ever be able to wrap his head around is the fanfare surrounding Pocky.

(Or Steve’s jealous of biscuit sticks.)

check yes (if the feeling isn't new) by cvptains, 12 k > words, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Meddling.

After the battle with Thanos, both Tony and Steve struggle with reconnecting in certain aspects of their lives. Sam Wilson and Peter Parker are totally over it.

Where both Steve and Tony's respective friends make accounts for them on the renowned dating app, FlickLove, and the results come out a bit... surprising. Cue unadvisable meddling that really — honestly — comes from good intentions.

take my heart clean apart by mistymountainking, 13 k > words, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues.

He’s tired, so tired of waiting, tired of touches with no meaning, tired of holding his breath when Steve’s in the room, tired of keeping this love to himself.

“I can’t—I can’t, if you don’t mean it.”

***

Tony comes home exhausted after an SI event. Steve acts as welcoming committee. It's an old, careworn routine they've perfected over the years, but tonight ends up going in a very different direction.