#it changed after puberty because that was when i realized that it wasn't dress up it was my actual physical body which was hell

[1o1percentmilk]

i think there is a common transphobic argument that's like "oh just be gnc" that falls apart when you realize there are trans people who absolutely have physical dysphoria but are mostly fine with their agab gender role and stuff

[ratkiing-a]

from a young age, charlie never really felt comfortable in his body. he never knew that there was a word for what he was feeling, or that other people felt the same way. he didn't have the resources, and didn't have the support growing up. so charlie began his journey on his own.

his name was not something he was uncomfortable with, charlie had always fit him. it wasn't his name that made him uncomfortable, more so how he looked. he was thankful that from a young age his mother, bonnie, had always decided to keep his hair cut short. she often mentioned how long hair was just too much work, and how she never had the time to take care of long hair. one thing that always bothered him though were the dresses. bonnie always thought that charlie should dress more "girly" to offset the shortness of his hair. charlie went along with it for a while, but it all became too much for him. so he stood his ground, snapping at his mother and refusing to go out of the house if he was required to wear a dress. bonnie didn't like seeing charlie this upset, so she went along with it, brushing her child off as being more of a tomboy than anything else.

and that's really what charlie thought it was for a long time. he often wore sports bras that were a size too small because he enjoyed how flat his chest looked. jeans and large t-shirts always felt more comfortable on him, so that's what he stuck with. making friends with boys was always easier too. because of this, no one really knew that charlie was trans. he was still bullied often, due to his higher pitched voice, but they bulled him for being "gay" and and being "dirtgrub". it never bothered him, much.

as charlie got older, bonnie became less and less involved in his life, always being off somewhere or being upstairs with her "friends". charlie didn't mind much, though. it meant that she didn't notice a lot. so charlie operated as he always did until he graduated high school.

he had heard about someone he went to school with "changing genders" after graduation. this was his first time ever hearing about someone else that was like him. and when he saw carmen for the first time, he realized that there has to be some information out there that could help him. so he looked, and he read, and he found out about gender affirming care ( top surgery, testosterone, bottom surgery ). that summer, he made it a goal to work as hard as he possibly could to save up money so he could afford testosterone.

once he had the money, at the age of nineteen he started taking t. as his body and voice began to change, charlie was thankful that he was able to brush any questions off by saying that his "balls dropped late" or "puberty just started late for me i guess". the friends that he had in his life weren't really interested in more serious conversations, so brushing things off tended to work fine.

when charlie turned twenty two, he had saved up enough money to get top surgery. he told bonnie that he was going on a vacation ( he didn't want her to be worried for him, after all ) but didn't tell any of his other friends anything. the gang was ... an interesting friend group to say the least. he knew if he said he was going on a solo trip he would never hear the end of it.

so he had the surgery, and holed up in a shitty motel on the outside of town. it was difficult, going through recovery alone. after four weeks, he was able to go back to his apartment and continue with work.

the gang seemed to not mind that he had been gone, well everyone except for mac. the day after charlie returned he had showed up at his door, complaining about how he wasn't able to get a hold of charlie for the past month. charlie had no idea what to say, but he knew that mac was pissed. there wasn't any other option in his mind but to tell him. mac had been his best friend for so long, so surely he would understand. right ??

and he did, well if charlie could even call it that. he actually didn't really seem to care, which was a shock to charlie with how religious he had been for most of his life. after doing a spit shake ( the most serious promise ) mac swore that he would never bring this up to anyone. and he didn't. when mac and carmen started to see each other, charlie was nervous that something might slip, but it never did.

the only other person in charlie's life that knows is dee. that one happened on accident. the two had thought it would be a great idea to sleep together, and charlie let his body react first before his mind. dee, surprisingly, didn't comment on it either. in fact, she never even brought it up. she still hasn't.

even though charlie feels worlds more confident, he's still self conscious about his body. he never takes off his shirt, worried that people might comment on his top surgery scars. thankfully, people don't ask questions. any time that he has been topless in front of the gang, there was so much else going on that they weren't even paying attention.

charlie is still learning a lot about the queer community. after mac came out as gay, he felt more comfortable opening up to him about how he was feeling. him and mac began doing more research on the queer community.

charlie still has a long way to go with his confidence, and feeling comfortable and proud of his body. but he's getting there, and he's trying to educate himself more. he is still unsure if he ever will come out to the rest of the gang, worried that it might hurt their friendship. but after mac's coming out experience, he has been debating it.

[smallerplaces]

Totsy "Teen Fun Lacey" emerges from her spa treatment

I'm besotted with this doll's face. She's something unusual for Totsy: a Skipper-equivalent, around 10" tall. Her back stamp says 1994, and since this body wasn't used much, that's probably about right for her release. She seems to have been sold as "Teen Fun Lacey."

Let's have an awkward height comparison!

Kid Kore Kelsey (high-heel feet) and Teen Skipper (flat feet) at the far ends are both about 11.5" tall. Petite Barbie is supposed to be 27 cm, or 10.6" tall. Lacey is a little shorter than that! (I don't have a standard modern Skipper to compare her to. Cards for what I believe is the same doll promise she's 9.5".)

This was the moment when I realized Petite Barbie was ready to leave. I'm over the moon about the other three dolls in this pick, but Petite Barbie is here mostly to have a Petite Barbie.

As (almost) always, nude doll photos are after the jump.

Lacey's been a while in joining us because her eBay seller was lying about buyers being over-sensitive to teeny bits of cigarette smoke retained by dolls she'd picked up at estate sales. Lacey reeked when she arrived -- there's no way the seller wasn't herself a chain smoker -- and had to spend two weeks in a bag of cheap baking soda to get the smell out.

She then got a good scrub and had her hair doused in undiluted fabric softener for what was meant to be an hour but turned into a full day. This worked so well in smoothing out her hair without requiring a boilwash that'd ruin the curls, that I'm thinking of giving all the dolls with 1990s hair a spa day of intense fabric softener.

Lacey obviously has her own body type.

While Lacey has hit puberty, she does not have a huge bust-waist-hip difference by 1990s fashion doll standards. Her legs are of a softer material than the rest of her, and there's a reason for this.

Lacey has the same kind of internal leg wiring as early 1990s Kid Kore dolls! (Which my Kelsey doesn't have.) She also has flat feet.

While bored on Monday, I'd entertained myself by cleaning up the doll section of one of the local Dollar Trees. It had been a horrific mess, with stuff on the wrong hooks and all over the floor, and I am a tidy person who is upset by these things. So I cleaned it up and in the process discovered a single Fashion & Fun outfit that is a sparkling green dress with really cute retro mules.

This fits Lacey perfectly, so she's ready for prom.

She can also wear Sparkle Girlz clothing.

I decided to leave her in the Sparkle Girlz dress for a while, as I'm feeling too lazy to change Skipper and Kelsey into party clothes.

I am just ridiculously thrilled with Lacey. She even has dimples!

[eddieheart]

Take Me To Texas

(Part one)

Fandom: 911: Lone Star

Pairings: Past TK Strand X Alex

Words: 2089

Description: How TK found himself and his father.

Warning: talk of triggering topics, overdose, implied prostitution, implied sexual assault, domestic abuse, implied domestic abuse, implied homelessness

Author’s note: So this is the first story I’ve written/published in months, I’ve had terrible writer block paired with a mixture of no motivation and executive distinction, so I really hope you enjoy! That’s again to @buggylad for editing.

——

TK guessed it started when he was a kid. Playing around the house with his trucks and firefighters. Refusing to wear dresses, only 'boys' clothes.

They were all obvious signs, if not that maybe running around the house at full speed insisting his new name was Tyler. Anything else was too 'girly'.

He always has been and always will be, Tyler Kennedy (He didn't choose the middle name but what could he do, he was stuck with it) Strand. And boy, he made sure everyone knew.

TK was grateful enough to have grown up in New York City. A place where he could be himself with less... backlash. There were always gender neutral bathrooms and single stall change rooms.

It had been rough, being gay and trans, even in a place like New York. Bigots are bigot regardless of where you live.

But with the support of both his parents and a firehouse full of people (willing to do anything to protect him) TK was able to transition safely.

TK has spent every day since his unofficial name change as Tyler and he loved every damn second of being him. Well, maybe that was a bit of a broad statement. Life, like always, has its ups and downs, he's just happy he gets to go through them as Tyler.

Just before puberty he started hormone blockers, as a teen he took hormones and as soon as he was eighteen TK got top surgery. His parents had helped pay for it as a birthday gift.

It was a saving grace, being able to get the treatment he needed, but it wasn't all sunshine and roses. His doctor had prescribed him an opioid for the pain and unfortunately TK had gotten addicted.

Because he was out of the house, living alone, no one saw the signs and because he was in school, his parents had just assumed that he had been overly focused in his work, forgetting to reach out.

What his parents didn't know was that their only son was spirally. Something that people don't realize is that the more you use drugs, any drugs, the more you get accustomed to that dose, and soon enough you need a higher and higher dosage to get the same effects.

It's because of that, that TK eventually turned to heroine. He'd always hated t-shots as a kid but because he needed it so often he became very good with needles. It's not like he was sharing them, he always got clean ones. Either from the store or the shelter and he was as safe as he could've been given the circumstances.

It all went by so fast, his past life slipping away before his eyes. He got in too deep, ran out of money and had to find different ways to pay for what he needed.

Though in the end it hadn't mattered how safe he'd been, he overdosed. Though it was this final hit to rock bottom that brought TK, at that point, to the most difficult part of his adult life, pregnancy.

//

"That's impossible, I've been taking T since I was a kid, I was on hormone blockers!"

"It's unlikely yes, but not impossible. Tyler, TK, you are pregnant. I have some information here that you can look at and when you're ready to talk we can discuss your options. Wether that be keeping your baby or, possibly, having an abortion."

//

Tyler had been more than terrified, how could he make a decision this important alone? He couldn't go to Alex, surely not his parents and by now he'd lost all his friends. He was not ready to be a parent, that he knew.  

After weeks of deliberation TK decided he would keep his baby and hopefully adopt her out to family who could take care of her. But when she had opened her eyes for the very first time, staring up at him with wonder and adoration, he knew he couldn't let her go.

He didn't know it then, but keeping Charlie had been the best decision of his life and since then he's never looked back.

                                 ——

"Hey, Greene?," TK asked casually, glancing up from the floor. Broom griped tightly in his hands. "Do you know anything about new positions in other districts?"

"Thinking of moving you and little miss mazel?" The other replied in a playful tone.

Eric had turned away from the fire engine, rag still held tightly in hand, glancing up at TK. Greene had a jovial smile so bright that TK could already feel the corners of his lips twitching up.

"Oh, I don't know.. Just thinking that maybe a change might be good." His eyes darting nervously between his senior and the stations floor.

Green seemed to ponder for a moment before turning back to him.

"Well you got dual certified right? Last I heard there was an ambo opening in Austin." Tyler's eyes widened, that far away.

"Texas?"

"Yeah. You interested?"

Thought started to flash by, he knew it'd be all well and good until the neighbourhood found out he wasn't at all like the white, cishet, Christian he appeared to be. What would a bunch of conservative Texans do to a trans, gay Jewish man, who'd given birth to a baby girl?

"In Texas? I don't know man, probably not." He replied sullenly.

"I'll keep your hat in the ring just in case."

                                ——

A pounding interrupted the peaceful silence of both TK and Charlie's apartment. The door chain rattled as someone roughly hit the hard wood, over and over.

"Let me in TK!" Alex's voice screamed out.

A chill went up his spine, like ice water being thrown down his back. TK stood up straighter and made his way over to the entrance of his home.

"Let me in!" Alex yelled out again, voice carrying through the entire apartment.

Thank god Charlie was still in bed, that kid slept like a rock. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was out, o she'd slept through an entire thunderstorm. It was incredibly hard to wake her once she was down, which TK was very thankful for right now.

"Leave Alex! I have to take Charlie to school." He yelled back at man behind the door.

TK realized his mistake as soon as he spoke, the other man quickly yelling back through the door.

"I can help with that baby! C'mon!" If TK didn't know better, Alex could have almost sounded sincere.

But he wasn't an idiot, he knew what this was really about. He also knew that as soon as his 'sorry' phase was done Alex would go right back to how things were before.

"If you don't leave now I'm calling the cops for violating your restraining order! Go now!" Fear swam through TK's stomach, internally begging for Alex to just leave.

"Fine! I'll be back!" Alex had never truly cared about him, he knew that now. After what happened how could he not.

//

TK was in pain, he hadn't realized it until now, but he was hurting. This was going to be the death of him if he didn't change and he couldn't leave his baby girl all alone. It had hurt more that coming down from drugs the first time and all the times after that too.

It was just a slap to the face, but it wasn't just a slap. Certainly he'd sustained worse injuries, but this had been the last straw. Alex had hit him before, belittled him, neglected him, forced him to do unsavoury things, things that left a bad taste in his mouth.

But he'd never done it in front of Charlie before, never. TK had heard he scream, seen the tears roll down her eyes and watched as Alex stormed out the apartment in a rage. So no, it wasn't just a slap in the face, it was a revelation.

So that's how they ended up here, all their belongings quickly packed up into TK's car driving to his dads house. They hadn't see each other in way too long, but right now he needed his dad.

Charlie had stirred awake as TK pulled into the driveway of his childhood home. TK unclasoed his seatbelt as the little girl rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Daddy, we d'er 'et?" She asked in a soft, tired voice.

"Not yet sweetie, I'm gonna go check to see if everything is ready and if it is I'll come get you. You just go back to sleep okay?"

"M'kay."

//

Things had sort of worked out in the end, even though Alex finding their new apartment was more than a setback in both he and Charlie's lives.

"Charlie? Charlie barley, Charlie barley bee? Where's my bumble bee?" TK called out.

He wandered through their apartment halls, peaking around corners, trying to find his little baby. Rounding a final corner he came face to face with his baby girl, a blanket draped around her shoulders covering her head slightly.

TK scooped her up into his arms and spun her around, only stopping to gently tickle her tummy.

"There you are!" He cried out in mock outrage and surprise.

"Ahhhh!" Charlie yelled in a mess of playful, glee filled screams.

TK fell backwards onto the couch the young girl held softly, yet firmly in his arms. She leaned back into her dads chest hands making a grabbing motion, trying to play with his hair.

"Bababa! I caught-ed you! I did you've been catch-ed-id!"

He smiled into the little girl's hair, she squirmed in his hold, joyfully kicking her feet. Charlie threw herself backwards into his arms over and over, causing TK to let out whatever was left in his lungs as she swung about.

"Daddy!" She cried out again.

TK chuckled at her antics, pressing his cheek to hers, faces side by side, holding her tiny little hands in his much larger ones.

"What do I win for catching you bubba?" He asked jokingly, rocking her side to side.

Her feet swung back and forth, eventually she became too wiggly to hold in his arms and she began to push away again.

"Daddy!"

"Charlie!" TK called back in the same tone.

Charlie slid off his lap and grabbed the tv remote off of the coffee table. She slowly threw herself back onto the couch, trying to get back up. TK chuckled to himself, she was too small to just sit down so she had to use one leg on top of the couch to pull herself up.

When her mission was finally accomplished, Charlie pressed the hunk of plastic into her dad's chest and sat down next to him. She pushed her face into his side playfully.

"Wanna watch the TV with me Charlie bee?"

Her response what immediate, head shooting yo from where her forehead had been resting on his shirt.

"Ews!" She yelled out excitedly, arms flapping up and down beside her.

"The news? What is with you kid, I've never met another two year old who likes the news." TK asked, a playful smile on his face.

"Ewws! Ews!" She cried out again at the seemingly arborant lack of outdated musak and weather reports.

"Okay, okay, I'll put on the news." As soon as the tv was turned on Charlie jumped up from her sitting position on the couch cushion and threw herself back into TK's lap.

An older grey haired man came into frame.

"Uncle Bob!"

"Yeah! Uncle bob? Since when is he your uncle?"

"F'ever." She mumbled out, eyes glued to the television in front of her.

"Since forever? I don't know about that."

"Mmmhmm." She replied forcefully.

"Okay then."

The noise of the tv filled the apartment Charlie enthralled with local news stories and TK enamoured by his little girls reactions to what was being said.

Suddenly, a new segment cut through his daze and seemed to finally bring Tyler's attention back up to the screen.

"And now a story all the way from Austin, Texas. A fire crew lead by New York's own Owen Strand a former NYFD fire captain and now..." the sound drowned out, he barely heard anything after the name.

Owen Strand, His dad.

"Hey baby, how would you feel about moving to Texas?"

Thanks again for reading, let me know if you want/what you want to see in chapter two!

[baphymittens]

Pride

Personal ramble

Learning what being gender fluid means and realizing that's what I am made things.... a lot better.

Puberty wasn't plesent for me.

Yeah, the bleeding and cramps sucked but developing breasts and stuff just felt...wrong. I hated it and wanted it to stop, it never felt right. Stuff like dressing in a feminine way felt wrong.

After a while I ended up wanting them for short time as a kid but that was only because everything on tv showed that I would be unattractive without them and needed to have bigger ones. Same with being skinny and it was part of why I wanted to be skinny as possible.

After a while I stopped caring in my early teens and just started wearing baggy men's clothes and it felt great, it felt right. I still starved myself and at the time I still thought it was for the whole being pretty thing, but I realized it was because I looked more like a scrawny guy when my curves were gone, and it felt right to look like a guy and felt good when someone "mistook" me for one.

It changed when I got into my 20's, I still mostly only wore men's clothes, but I really switched a lot between feeling like a feminine guy or a masculine girl. It was confusing since I felt like I could only be one or the other since that's what's shown most of the time, you're a man or a woman.

It wasn't till my late 20s that I was actually about to talk to queer people and learned things aren't just black and white, there's a whole spectrum.

I always felt there was something wrong because how I felt looking at myself and what I see wasn't just one consistent way. Realizing that I didn't have to keep myself in a box made feel free for the first time.

Sometimes I'm a guy, a girl, nether, or both.

Now I don't see a confused person in the mirror. Sometimes what I have on my body doesn't feel right for how I see myself at the time but that's ok. I don't have to look a certain way or have certain parts to be the person I feel that I am.

I really wish I was taught that stuff when I was younger because I wouldn't have felt so much hate towards my body and felt like there was something wrong with me for so long.

[goyangii]

How did you come to identify as trans? And how did you come to the mindset to not be trans anymore and detransition?

i don't know if i've posted about it so i'll post a short summary here. (take "short" with a grain of salt as always, i can never seem to keep it short enough)

like a lot of ftms/transmacs(/tifs), i grew up sexually and physically abused (by my stepfather). in our family there were only two females (me and my mom), and we were the only ones sexually abused. my stepfather also made a point of being very misogynistic and hated me very, very much for reasons i won't elaborate on here due to length. stuff like me reading in front of him or even just being in my school uniform would make him go off, and he'd say and teach my brothers to say misogynistic things (like calling me and my mom cows, or calling us stupid, etc.)

i think this led to a desire to distance myself from female-ness for obvious reasons. i was also very much a tomboy who loved sports and didn't get along well in my all girls school (autism baybee). i had no interest in boys and that combined with being very gnc probably tipped a lot of my schoolmates off to me being ssa and i was bullied for being a dyke for years, even after transferring to a co-ed.

femininity was very foreign to me as well, and i never had an interest in makeup, "girl" clothes, shaving, etc. i identified more with boys in media, too, probs because girl characters were often The Girl Character and not just female children lmao. i was often mistaken for a boy when i had my hair cut short, in part due to how i dressed/presented, and as a boy i was treated much better. my interest in other girls was no longer gross or weird, i was considered more attractive by peers, etc. when puberty hit i, like many, felt immense discomfort. probably due to sexual trauma, the idea of being perceived as female in a sexual way was immensely, immensely disturbing to me and i hated everything about my body. i had very intense dysphoria and couldn't go anywhere without binding.

in general i think it makes sense i ended up identifying as trans tbh :")

what made me detrans was, ironically, medical transition and realizing that i could never really change sex. i could look and sound and "seem" like a man but i could never become one no matter how hard i tried. the more i passed as a man the more i realized the gap between me and men. it just became glaringly obvious to me that what i wanted wasn't possible and that the longer i tried to pretend it was the more i was hurting myself by holding myself up to an unattainable goal (being a man). i couldn't bring myself to continue taking T shots or to change my legal documents and i had to sit down and really process why, when i had wanted this my whole life.

it took 2 years to really accept it and in that time i had to work on getting to the roots of my dysphoria (internalized homophobia and misogyny, plus trauma and asd influencing how i viewed gender). i found radfem stuff around the beginning of that 2 years and it helped process a lot of the things i couldn't really square with trans ideology while i was in it.

detransition itself was easy, as far as process goes lol. i just quit T cold turkey and let my body do its own thing. the mindset/ideology was harder to quit and i'm thankful to radfem blogs for being there for me to hateread because it was immensely helpful in letting me actually critically think about what i was believing.

[wreckofawriter]

The Girl Next Door And The Five Times She Stopped Time

Pairing: James Potter x muggle!reader

Word Count: 3,433

Warnings: Swearing?, None fluffy

Summary: James slowly begins to fall in love with the girl next door

A/n: Sorry I havent posted in a while, this isn't really edited so ignore my mistakes, anyway, hope you guys like it!

James Potter can remember when he first met her. Her y/h/c hair was cut into a bob that ended just above her shoulders. Her deep y/e/c eyes were shining in ways that would make stars envious. She was wearing a soft blue dress that fell just beneath her knees, feet bare. 

She leapt out of the back seat of an old Subaru and stood in the dewy morning grass outside of your house. That was the first time he felt time stop 

Your eyes seemed to trace over every inch of your new home in slow motion everything else around you fading into white. As James drunk in your appearance. 

Time resumed when you set into a sprint and darted up the porch, steps two at a time running through the front door and out of the curious boys view. 

James was 10 years old at the time, you 9 but he could still feel his heart race watching you from his own yard. At the time he was sure that it was because of cooties. You were making him get sweaty and his stomach feel funny simply because you had infected him with your contagious disease. 

So when his parents had a welcoming dinner for their new neighbors, he completely avoided you, only going near you when absolutely necessary. 

You hadn't seemed to notice or if you did you didn't let it bother you in the slightest, you simply shrugged it off and opened some muggle book called 'The Hobbit'. 

It wasn't until your family was totally set up when James realized something. He could see directly into your new room. 

You had repainted the walls a joyful blue and covered them with colorful posters from muggle cartoons and books. You had purple curtains but they were knotted on either side of the two windows that now faced the young boy.

So he couldn't help it as he watched your small frame move around the room organizing nick-nacks or sit on your bed and read. 

Quickly he began to feel sick again and promptly closed his curtains decided that you could catch cooties by simply watching a girl too. 

By the time he was 11 he no longer agnollaged cooties as a factual illness so when he met Lily Evan's and he felt his heart speed up and his palms get sweaty he realised that he simply liked her. 

But still something sat in the back of the boys mind when he glanced out the window of his dormitory hoping that there would be two rectangles of warm yellow light leering back at him to reveal a little girl perched on her bed a book that was much to thick for her age sitting open in her hand as she smiled softly at the pages. 

Everytime James came home the room he gazed into changed, the desk would be in a different spot, or maybe the bed. There would almost always be a new poster on the walls the cartoons slowly dispersing and getting replaced with posters of bands or pictures of friends and family. But the one thing that always seemed to change the most every year was the girl who sat on the bed and read her books. But no matter how much she changed he would always feel that sickening feeling in his gut when he looked at her and he could feel his palms grow sweaty as he thought of you. 

You had just gotten back from a partially damaging party. Your best friend had decided to  lock lips with the boy you had been crushing on since the sixth grade. You prided yourself on your ability to keep emotions at bay so when you finally reached the safety and security of your bedroom you let your tears flow freely. Unaware if the pair of dark eyes watching you from next door. 

When James saw tears spring from your eyes he felt sadness and fury take him. The simple idea of you being upset made him so himself. And there you were sitting on your bed tears sliding slowly down your cheeks. And once again time stopped seeming to slow down before coming to a halt as he watched your tears leave slow shimmering tracks down your y/s/c checks.

James had wanted nothing more than to go to you, comfort you. But there were too many things that kept him from doing so. The fact that you hadn't spoken in four years being the main one. Also the fact that he had been borderline stalking you for the past few years would be revealed. So he couldn't go to you which made him utterly disappointed. 

That is when James realize that something was up. He didn't just see you as the muggle girl who lived next door but he was confused. The image of Lily seemed to flash in his head but he still stared across at you wishing he could help. Because he felt something different with you. But what was it?

A year later James had finally figured it out. 

You had been in a partially happy mood. Your parents were out of town for the night and your older brother was at his girlfriend's which meant you had the house all to yourself. So you did the one reasonable thing to do when your home alone. You stole your brothers speakers and blasted music so loud you could hear your eardrums thumping dully in your head. 

Fifth year had been one of the more difficult for James, tests had gotten much more difficult, his best friend had gone through hell and back with his parents and his whole love life seemed to flip completely upside down. 

Lily had grown more and more unimportant as the year went on. Like over the summer he had simply fallen out of love with her, which was half true but the whole truth was that he had fallen in love with you. 

He couldn't keep you from his mind. He missed you even though he barely knew you, he found himself glance out his window every day in a slim hope that you had somehow temported to the Hogwarts grounds and was now reading some 1,000 page horror book in the grass below. 

Yet somehow he had managed to convince himself that he was still in love with Lily. He contorted his mind building walls between memories, blocking certain ones off. All of it was completely exhausting.

So when he and Sirius ascended to his bedroom after getting home he wanted to do nothing but plop onto his bed and pass out and that was what he was doing until he heard Sirius emit a low whistle. 

"What?" James groaned pulling himself from his bed to see his friend smirking deviously out his window. 

"You never told me you lived next to that." Sirius gawked biting his lip. 

James turned and felt his soul leave his body. Over the year you had, well matured. 

You had gone from looking like a 13 year old to looking like a 16 year old. 

You had grown at least 2 inches, your hair was now y/h/l and you had well, gotten much curvier.

In a sense puberty had hit you like a 16 wheeler and now you were wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of lacy magenta underwear. 

James mouth hit the floor as you pranced around your room using a hairbrush as a microphone. He could hear the dull thump of the bass from Rocketman coursing through your speakers. And once again time slowed to a stop as he watched as you flipped your y/h/c hair over your head in slow motion, leaping from your bed to in front of the mirror. Everything around you fade before suddenly snapping back to reality when Sirius let out a laugh. 

You were singing the words, James only wished he could hear you. You pointed at the mirror and closed your eyes swing your hips as your lips split into a brilliantly wide grin

Sirius turned to James The poor boy's mouth hung agape his eyes the size of a snitch. 

"Looks like you didn't know either." He chuckled. 

"S-she looks s-so dif-different." The dark haired boy stuttered, his infatuation causing him to stumble over words. 

"Clearly, she bloody hot." Sirius smirked watching you jump to your bed raising your hands above your head enjoying the view of the small lacy undergarment the action exposed.

"She's incredible." James breathed out dreamily snapping the other boys attention back to him. 

"Woah, woah, woah. She's not the reason you suddenly lost interest in Lily is she?" 

James flushed, his dark eyes flicking quickly to his friend before retreating back to your moving form. "No." He lied. 

"Oh Merlin." Sirus groaned smacking his forehead, "Just when I thought you were going to stop acting like a love sick puppy here you are again in love with another girl you barely know." 

"I'm not in love with her." James scoffed 

"Sure. Sure." Sirius mumbled picking at his fingernails. "Quick question, what's her favourite color?" 

"Y/f/c." James answered without hesitation.

"What about her favorite book?" 

"Probably y/f/b." He paused for a second his eyes still trained on you, now dancing along to Bennie and the Jets. "Or y/sf/b." 

"And her favourite band?" Sirius asked in an almost disappointed tone. 

"Definitely Queen, although Led Zeppelin is probably a close second. Why are you asking me this?" James asked prying his eyes from you to land on his extremely exhausted looking friend.

Sirius just shot him a knowing glance both his eyebrows raised. Realization quickly dawned over James face. 

"Oh no." He groaned, letting his head fall to his mattress. "I am in love with her." 

"Bingo." Sirus spoke a pitying smile grazing his lips. 

James just moaned sourly into his blanket. "I didn't even know I knew that shit." 

"Let's go to bed man." Sirius sighed closing James curtains blocking you out. 

As much as James wished to wipe you from his mind he couldn't help but feel disappointed as you disappeared from view. 

For the rest of the summer Sirius made it his mission to reconnect you and James, as if you were ever really connected. Either way he made sure to make James as obvious as possible to you. 

He introduced himself to you and made friends quickly. He was sure to have you come over as often as possible. 

The first time this happened James damn near shit himself when you walked through the door wearing a bikini as he was getting ready for the trip he and Sirius had planned.

"Hey James" you smiled meekly, waving a bit. 

"H-hey." He smiled back before shooting Sirius a glare. 

"Y/n is going to come swimming with us remember I told you about it last night." Sirius smirked winking slyly. 

"O-oh yeah of course."

Many other awkward interactions were induced by Sirius, including both of you getting locked "accidentally" into a closet together, you falling asleep on James shoulder, James and you falling on top of eachother and Sirius' personal favorite of yelling at the top of his lungs while James was changing and your window was open, causing you to look over and see James with nothing but boxers on red faced and angry as Sirius scrambled out of the room. (You would be lying if you didn't enjoy that one little bit.)

But just as Sirius was sure he was going to be the next matchmaker the two older boys had to leave, much to both of their dismay. 

The whole year James could do nothing to keep you from his mind. The way you smiled stuck in his brain like glue, your laugh cemented to his skull. You were all he could think of so when he came back for summer after his sixth year he had never been more ecstatic. 

James dashed up his stairs hoping that he might catch just a glimpse of you through his window. 

And he did. He saw you laying on your bed, a laugh escaping a wide smile that was carved into your face. Your eyes were shining brightly, your y/h/c hair splayed across you pillow.

This broke James. It made him fall to pieces, heart filling with grief. Because the laugh wasn't because of him, the smile wasn't for him and the shine in your eyes wasn't directed at him. 

He watched in agony as the red headed boy who leaned over you connected his lips to yours gracefully. The moment he wished more than anything could  seemed to slow as if the universe was mocking him, showing him a nightmare that seemed to never end. Time had once again stopped as you wrapped your delicate hands around the boys neck and pulled him closer to you. He watched in pain as the girl he loved kissed another man. 

Sirius had come up the stairs now and instantly saw the scene taking place behind the opposite window. He cursed under his breath quickly closing the curtains and turning to face his heart broken best friend. 

James looked defeated, his mouth slightly agape, his eyes downcast and filled with sorrow. He blinked a few times before turning around and walking straight out of the room.

"Shit." Sirius mumbled knowing this wasn't going to end well, "James!" He called running down the stairs to find him reaching for the door handle. "What are you doing?" The long haired boy questioned. 

"I have to stop her." James said turning to his best friend, a new look of determination etched onto his strong features.

"For doing what?" Sirius pointed out angrily.

"From kissing some freckled bastard that's what!" James shouted anger filling his dark eyes. 

"You can't!" Sirius shot back harshly.

"Why in bloody hell not?!" James yelled taking two steps towards his friend but Sirius stood his ground.

"BECAUSE SHES NOT YOURS!" Sirius bellowed angry at his friend for being so blinded by love. 

James eyes flickered with doubt before his entire face collapsed with it. Determination flipping to guilt then to misery as he realized what was really happening. 

"I'm sorry man, you can't stop her from doing anything." Sirius sighed disappointment readable in his own voice. 

Summer was suddenly a bleak occasion for James. Now that y/n had a boyfriend he had to become more and more accustomed to the presence of the "freaked bastard" who he soon found out was Austin Bostian. Austin was a muggle that went to the same school as y/n. Not that James cared. All he cared about was the fact that Austin got to kiss y/n and hold her and touch her.

James and y/n drifted away from each other slowly and painful over the vacation and to James it felt like his heart was slowly being torn in two. But seeing Austin with her made him dizzy and upset, he just couldn't bear being around her. 

So when school finally rolled back around he felt a sense of relief filled him. Of course the image of you still burned bright in his memory he just did his best to bury it deep within the pictures of you and Austin locking lips or holding hands. It almost made it easier.

The school year was a strange one for James. He forced himself onto Lily more than ever, when truth was he didn't even want to go anywhere with her. Sirius of course knew he was really simply distracting himself, but he couldn't help but feel bad for Lily who actually seemed more into it than before. 

Sirius' suspicions were confirmed when Lily finally answered yes to James catching everyone by surprise, especially the quidditch star. 

James had then fled the scene only to return a few moments later and attempt to explain himself. Which of course failed miserably and a shit storm hit him in a wave. Most of the Gryffindor girls wouldn't even look at him anymore, claiming he was a monster who shouldn't lead on someone like that. Which of course he did. James had felt like shit and just wanted to go home the entire time. But the idea of seeing you and Austin again crushed the poor boy. So he played quidditch and a lot of it. 

When he graduated it was bitter sweet. He wasn't sure what he was feeling anymore but he knew that he wanted to see you at least one last time. He needed to confess. 

Now as he stood in front of your door he felt the familiar feeling of nervousness and embarrassment flush over him. He ignored the fluttering in his stomach and squeezed his eyes shut briefly before knocking twice on the door. 

He heard the patter of feet followed by a muffled "I'm coming" before the door swung open to reveal you. Your hair was stuck up into a terribly messy bun, strands of hair hanging in front of your face. You had on a pair of athletic shorts and a Atari crop top that you had clearly cut yourself. 

"Hey James." You smiled up at him either not noticing or caring that his cheeks were flaming red. 

"Uh hey y/n." He answered suddenly realizing he had zero plan whatsoever. "Can I talk to you for a second?" 

"Of course." You answered inviting him inside. You ead him upstairs to your room. Once inside Jmaes realized that after all these years if staring into your room he had never been inside it. It was decently clean a few items of clothing scattered across the ground here and there. 

"Sorry for the mess." You muttered plopping onto your bed. "So what's up?" 

James felt his throat close up. His hands suddenly felt extensively sweaty and he thought he might throw up.

"Well umm.." he took in a deep breath closing his eyes before snapping them open to meet your curious y/e/c ones. "I'm in love with you." 

The room fell deathly silent, the faint hum of cicadas drumming outside. 

Your eyes went wide mouth falling slightly open. "Y-you love me?" Your voice uncharacteristically high. 

"Yeah." James mumbled quietly, "And I know that your with Austin and everything but I just, I can't leave without telling you." 

You let out a small giggle, which in other circumstances would have made his heart soar but now he felt it sink into the floor. You were laughing at him. 

"I'm not with Austin dumbass." You scoffed rolling your eyes. 

That was much better than what James was expecting, "R-really?" He asked tripping over this words. 

"Yeah. I broke up with him like a week after you left for school." You rolled your eyes playfully. 

"Oh." James voice hopefully, "That's good." His eyes widened, "Not like good that you had to break up with him, just you know good that I didn't-" 

You cut off his ramblings by grabbing his shirt and pulling him onto you. You smashed your lips onto his tasting mint. James quickly melted into the kiss placing his arms on either side of you to keep from toppling onto you as you grabbed his neck and forced your tongue into his mouth.

And for the fifth time in his life he felt time stop. Your soft yet rough touch making everything but you disappear. He could only feel you pressed hot against his skin, lips moving slowly against his own. 

The spell you put him under broke when you pulled away gasping for air. "You're an idiot you know." You smiled,  hands playing with his dark locks.

James shot you a confused look. 

"I've been in love with you since you ignored me at the welcoming dinner your family threw." You explained. Causing the boys eyes to widen. 

"Really?" He asked in disbelief. 

You scoffed. "You are terribly blind. And you suck at flirting, I thought you hated me." 

"What?" James asked confused.

"Well, I mean you ignored me and always got all weird around me. I thought you hated me." 

"Oh." James cringed, suddenly realizing how his strange actions must have looked from your prospective.

You giggled, a heavenly sound before pulling the boy back down to meet your lips.

From across the street Sirius smiled widely watching his best friend. 

"That girl seriously needs to close her curtains." He muttered still grinning as he turned away from the new couple.

@accio-rogers

Masterlist

[jd-loves-everyone]

Chapter 1: Lee Minho

At the age of 12, the school's yearly talent contest was probably the less exciting thing about my life, unlike what most of my peers thought. Not that it was boring but, considering I didn't have anything I practiced and/or was confident enough in to show off, I just felt slightly bad for all the dreams crushed at that damned event.

I could practically smell the sweat and tears (thankfully not literally) that would be spilled on the raised wooden stage as me and my friend, Maia, entered the auditorium.

Maia, my friend since the beginning of that year (not quite my BEST friend yet, but maybe ONE of them), with what I thought was an unmatched talent for musical theatre, was sat beside me.

She was supposed to be behind those giant puke green curtains, getting ready to take the award home. But because of a twisted ankle, she was unable to (something she cried about for at least a week, unlike what I would've done).

Even in that moment I couldn't understand why she'd want to even come see the contest, considering it would only hurt her more. But I didn't question it, and instead continued to make meaningless conversation with her about our day, as parents and children began to fill the space.

The show began shortly after the (way too long) speech from the principal about how we should all enjoy the show and have fun and all that.

I somewhat space after the disappointment that was the first girl, I feel some pity for her, being the first one to perform must not be easy. I did want to comment with Maia on it but she seemed to be in her own dimension, as I could also see the thoughts going through her head at 100 miles per hour, so I zoned out.

I remember seeing a boy with an exceptionally beautiful voice, which both me and Maia nodded along to and clapped extra hard for (even if when had been politely clapping for every participant, we gave it a LITTLE more effort that time), and I can recall little less.

There apparently were a lot more students participating that year, because the show to drag on forever and move slower than a snail, which quickly got pretty boring. I returned my attention to the brightly lit stage when seeing Maia sit a little straighter in her stair out of the corner of my eye in anticipation.

The contestant announced was "Lee Minho, the Dancing Gem."

'That's a bit much.' Was what I was planning to comment to Maia, before I saw the look of admiration in her eyes and the bittersweet up turn of her lips.

"You know him?" I asked instead. Her whole demeanor changed as she energetically turned to me.

"Do I know him? Who doesn't?! He's the most talented dancer in the district, I can guarantee you. My teacher watched him dance at a competition once and said that he had the potential to win at least a few national awards at just 13. That has to count for something." She declared passionately, waving her arms about.

I hummed a quiet (and unsure) 'we'll see', before turning towards the stage once more as the spotlights focused on the centre as the thick curtains parted slightly to let the next competitor through.

Upon first glance, there was nothing too special about his appearance. He was of average height, with somewhat broad shoulders covered by a white shirt, long legs dressed in ripped blue jeans and sneakers on his feet. That plus the usual straight black hair in the usual hairstyle really didn't make him stand out much. But god, was his face enough to make him stand out.

The best way to describe it was, pretty. He was just too pretty to be real.

He had double-lidded cat like eyes, a sharp and thin nose and a not too sharp nor too soft jawline. The most curious thing about his appearance was what I like to call a 'cat smile', a smile where the corners of the lips turned upwards while the rest remained in a straight line. It all just seemed to work. I could already imagine my mother saying something like 'Either puberty came earlier for him or he's gonna be a model when it does' and at that moment, I couldn't agree more with the imaginative comment.

'The beauty of simplicity' is as close as I could get to making justice to his features.

"You seem very focused now compared to earlier." Maia commented cheekily, making me blush. I couldn't even formulate an answer (to the clear jab at my ego), too caught up in wondering about truthfulness of it. Did he catch my attention more than the others? Obviously yes (not that they could really compare to him). Do I find him undeniably attractive? Hell yes. 'Oh god. I think I just got my first crush.'

I momentarily pushed those troublesome thoughts aside, instead focusing on the performance. And thank god I did, I soon realized I would've hated to miss even a second of the stunning act.

The way he moved was captivating in its own way. It looked natural, almost effortless, but it was also easy to tell that a lot of strict planning was involved, every move was flawless and not a centimeter out of place.

It was mesmerizing to watch, the charisma radiated from him in waves from the beginning all the way to the end of the performance.

When it ended, I became aware of the flabbergasted expression I had on my face, jaw slack and eyes wide in awe. It was too much for my young brain to fully comprehend. And maybe it was my, still recovering, brain playing tricks on me, but I swore he locked eyes with me as he bowed respectfully, throwing one of those cat-like smiles in my direction before exiting the stage. Probably didn't happen.

Well, if I THOUGHT I had a crush just by looking at him, I was sure of it after seeing him dance. That and I had just discovered my new passion.

"Dude, my teacher was right. He is SO much better in person." Maia commented lightly, turning my way. She was only met with my wide eyes and flushed cheeks as I realized...

"I have a crush on Lee Minho... And I really wanna learn how to dance." Maia blinked owlishly at my declaration, before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh, you got it bad huh. Well, maybe you can talk to him after the show." She said teasingly, holding back from letting her lips spread out into a wide cheshire grin.

"Oh please. I'd just be bothering him." My blush darkened, mentally dismissing the idea immediately. Like he'd care about what I had to say.

"Come on, why not? I'm sure he'd appreciate it." Maia said, genuinely this time, as I looked at her doubtfully.

The show was over in no time, as I pondered about whether or not I should actually go and talk to my new found crush, as Maia pestered me to do so.

The awards were given out, Minho winning first place (which came as a surprise to no one), the other awards going to people who frankly weren't that great but it wasn't like the whole selection was anything extraordinary. They were the best of the worst you could say, mediocre at best. But who am I to judge, they were just kids, but I guess my standard rose a little too high after Minho's breathtaking and heart-shatteringly captivating performance.

I eventually relented, getting up and stomping with a newfound determination to the main school hall where everyone had gathered after the show, looking around.

The hall was filled to the brim with parents and students alike, chatting lively and congratulating each other (some simply for participating).

It was hard to make out anyone's face clearly in the ocean of people, but nonetheless I tried my best to look for the star of the night, despite the nerves and anxiety sizzling in my gut.

I finally caught a glimpse of him as he was leaving the hall towards the outside of the building, probably hoping to not be bothered as he probably had already been bombarded by questions and praises all night. I stood there, in a slight moment of hesitation. 'Maybe he went outside because he wanted space, I really shouldn't bother him.'

I, mentally, shook that thought out of my head, if I wanted to talk to him it had to be now or I'd never do it.

I began walking toward the door leading outside, pulling it open with probably more strength than necessary.

As I stepped outside, I saw the boy of the night, sitting on the stone stepped right outside the door, looking up at the tall buildings surrounding the school.

Upon hearing the door slam closed, Minho turned in my direction to see who had just stepped outside, a stern but subtle furrow in his eyebrows.

"Hey can I bother you for a few minutes?" I spoke with surprising confidence, that even I didn't expect.

Due to his seemingly annoyed facial expression, I thought the answer might've been a no, but his eyes widened as he carefully took in my features, what looked like recognition flashing through his eyes. It was hard to tell what it was exactly because of his calm, maybe even cold, expression. I might've missed the changes if I wasn't paying close attention to his face (which got harder and harder as I looked at how his eyes seemed to spark like stars. Which was honestly, unfairly distracting.

"You don't bother." He finally spoke, patting the stone next to him, for me to sit.

"We'll see about that in a few minutes." I said jokingly as I sat next to him. From the corner of my eye, I could see a slight, microscopical upturn in his lips. A break in his mask, perhaps.

"I... I know you've either heard this too many times already, or if not it's gonna sound really weird but... I-I... Just wanted to say that..." I tried my best to get the words out, but it got nearly impossible as I felt his curious eye on the side of my down turned face.

"You know what? Forget it. It's not even that--"

"Important? I think it is, if this hard to get it out. Come on, don't leave me hanging now." He cut me off with a light chuckle, a gentle and encouraging smile on his lips when I turned towards his voice at the interruption.

"Well... It's kind of silly but... I just wanted to say that... I sort of, fell in love with dancing because of you. Watching you perform really, ignited something in me. And I think I really just meant to say thank you for giving me something to be passionate about." As I finished I started rubbing my arms, it seemed like that temperature had dropped a few degrees. Or maybe it was just the contrast of the chilly night air with my blushing cheeks.

At his silence, I slowly lifted my head to gage his reaction. I found shock written all over his face, the last crack on his emotionless mask making it shatter completely. I also found that the expression he wore was absolutely adorable, making me unintentionally let out a small giggle, which seemed to make him snap out of whatever trance he had been under. It also seemed to ease the tense atmosphere that had built up around us due to his previous lack of reaction and my own nerves.

He looked as if he was holding back a smile of his own, but it broke through his facade as  he turned towards the buildings once again, their lights reflecting in his eyes.

"You were wrong you know? No one has ever said that to me before and it's not weird at all either. It's actually really touching. I never thought I had that effect on other people, I just thought all of them felt a sort of enjoyment at watching me. I never imagined I could move someone's emotions like that." He admitted chuckling, his eyes seeming to hold a new, beautiful shine to them.

"Well, now you know." I said awkwardly, fiddling with my sleeves. His stare was just a bit too intense for me to handle, making my blush darken (if possible).

"If you're serious about dancing, maybe you should join the dance club. I'm part of it, so I could help you out if you need it."

"Oh no, I don't know if that'd be a good idea. I would just be slowing you down." I said, furiously shaking my head in denial.

"It's no problem at all! I'm actually thinking of becoming a dance teacher when I grow up so, helping YOU helps ME." He smiled cutely.

'Why are you so damn cute?!'

"If it really isn't a problem, I guess I could try at least one class. Just to see if I like it. But I don't promise that I will!" I gave in after looking into his pleading eyes and (adorable) pouty lips. The contrast between his expression at that moment and at the beginning of our conversation was almost enough to give me whiplash. I preferred this expression much more.

We continued to talk for what seemed like an hour, though I couldn't be sure.

I did, in fact, join the school's dance club and stayed in it all the way up to high school (which wasn't covered by our school so we had to move, luckily we went to the same one, something I very anxious about).

In the dance club, I realized that it was a good idea for Minho to become a dance teacher. Under his guidance, I quickly got used to my new hobby, which soon turned into passion. He made everything seem easy and simple, and moved in a way that highlighted the precision of his moves.

I didn't think he could improve his dancing anymore, but he proved me wrong, as it had become usual, by continuing to win various awards which only got bigger and bigger.

As my love for dancing grew, so did my crush on him, as I got to see more of his 4D personality, and met his 3 adorable cats: Soon-ie, Doong-ie and Dori. I was even there when he got Dori, so I was pretty attached to the cat. (To all of them, as they were just absolutely adorable).

I've also experienced his slight... change in personality. How he became flirtier, how his compliments became bolder and how he became touchier. I tried not to think much of it, but I couldn't help but be hopeful, as those compliments weren't directed at everyone.

It only served to fuel this hope further when Hyunjin, a younger (and very handsome) dancer joined our highschool's dance club, since then we only seemed to get closer.

The moment I realised that my feelings for Minho were more than a meaningless childhood crush was actually a chain of events, not exactly one moment. Sometime after Hyunjin had joined the dance club.

It was time to go home after a long afternoon of practice, most other students had already left, bit me, Hyunjin, Minho and a few others had stayed behind to slowly pack up and tidy up the room. I was picking up my duffel bag, ready to head out, when Hyunjin called out to me. I walked over to where he, Minho and a couple other guys were gathered.

The others looked as if they were up to no good, which had me kind of curious, but I didn't dwell on it and instead turned to the one who had called me over. He also seemed odd, fiddling with his fingers nervously, his cheeks pink from something other than exertion.

"Hey. What's up?" I asked, hoping to snap the boy out of his little bubble. Seeing him like this wasn't usual, and was pretty entertaining to watch, but I didn't that snapping him out of it was the better option.

"H-Hey! Uh, well, I--" Deep breath.

"I was gonna ask you if you'd, maybe, want to go have coffee with me? Today, perhaps?" He managed after calming down, looking ready to be rejected. (Apparently. Would anyone actually reject him? No. So why was he so scared that I would?)

"O-Oh, I mean, yeah, I'd love to." I immediately felt a pang of guilt in my chest. 'What about Maia?' I thought. 'But it doesn't need to be a date, I could just try to tell him how awesome she is.' I thought, slightly bitterly, I did want a date with Hyunjin, but as my (best)friend, Maia was a priority. (Just spending time with him wouldn't hurt either).

As I accepted, Hyunjin got a small, shy smile on his face, his blush getting even darker. The boys around him laughed, patting his back. I caught a glimpse of Minho's face, his eyes were wide, jaw slack in disbelief. I brushed it off.

"Should we get going? It might get late--" I started, before being interrupted by Minho.

"Actually, she can't go today. She needs to... Help me with my cat! Yeah! I need some help with Dori!" It was clear he had made it up, but considering it was extremely out of character for him, it must have been important so I relented.

"Sorry Hyunjin, I'm gonna go with Minho. Raincheck to another day?"

Hyunjin nodded, somewhat sadly, as Minho basically dragged me out of the room by the arm as I tried to wave everyone goodbye.

Once we were out of the building, we settled into a comfortable walking pace towards the bus stop, as I texted Chan saying that he didn't need to pick me up today.

The bus ride was mostly silent (which was unusual), save for the small talk each of us tried to make. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but not exactly wanted either.

As we were walking down his street, nearing his house, I decided to finally ask the question that had been bugging me.

"Do you REALLY need my help with Dori? I mean, I know she likes me better, but it's still manageable right?" I said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

He looked as if he'd been caught stealing from the cookie jar.

"She doesn't like you THAT much. But I'll admit, that wasn't my actual intention." He said sheepishly. I was finally able to put 2 and 2 together, even if it was highly unlikely.

"Wait. Were you jealous?" The question made him hesitate as he was unlocking the door to his house.

"Uh, I... You know. Uh, you know what, I don't even REALLY know why I did it anyway." He sounded sincere enough, so despite my curiosity, I dropped the subject as he seemed genuinely torn.

"Welcome. My parents won't be home until later, so we're alone for now." He walked in, taking off his jacket as I put down my duffle bag, already heading towards the living, where the cats would most likely be.

As I approached the room, I could already hear them scratching at the door and meowing loudly. I opened the door, petting Soon-ie and Doong-ie as I passed them, heading towards the window on the far end of the room, Dori's favorite spot because of the heat the sun provided when it hit.

And there she was, laying in the last remains of the already setting sun. And with no signs of injury or anything to be worried about whatsoever.

"So, what exactly was wrong with her?" I turned to Minho as he entered with a teasing look, already anticipating his answer.

"I told you already, didn't I? I lied. Not sure why though." He walked to where Dori was sat, reaching to stroke her head, making her purr in delight, as the others also got closer to their owner at the chance to get petted. In response, Minho sat down next to the newest kitten, as Soon-ie and Doong-ie tried to climb onto his lap at the same time. This made him giggle, trying his best to satisfy every one of his "children".

It was like the world froze or slowed down in that moment.

The best was to describe the way Minho looked at that moment would be angelic, but even that wouldn't cover it.

His dark hair shone in the sun, looking too soft to resist, his dark eyes gazed fondly at his pets as a beautiful, peaceful and joyful smile broke out across his face. The sun framed the scene perfectly, making look picturesque, and suddenly I wished I had my camera with me at that moment to truly capture it in all its beauty.

I realized that the difference between our first meeting and then, was humongous, in the best way possible. He had become so open to me and so... Lively and relaxed. I loved the change.

That was the moment when I realized that my crush for Lee Minho was not going away anytime soon and that it wasn't just a silly childhood crush that would disappear in 2 weeks to a month. It was there, in my heart, to stay.

"You gonna just stand there looking weird? I know you love looking at my face but..." He directed that heavenly smile toward me as he spoke.

On that day, not only did I realize the extent of my feelings for Minho, he also realized the nature of his feelings for me.

[wyvernheartedink]

Not Your Average Wench 👿

I've been debating posting this piece for awhile but I want to be honest about who I am. Growing up I was adored by my parents until I hit puberty. Like most kids at middle school age, I gained a good chunk of weight before a big growth spurt. My parents became very critical of my weight, saying they thought I'd get diabetes or become obese. But after I grew and became thin they stopped forcing me to jog everyday and instead I was lectured on how my body was too sexual. I would have to change nearly 3 times every day before I was allowed to go out. And because I grew up in a very religious family it became about how I had to dress to protect myself from men and that it was my responsibility to not get raped. It was constantly about how I wasn't good enough. I did great in school, took on extra curricular activities, had a healthy diet, didn't go out and party or anything wild really. But I was still berated nearly every day about being too sexual.

Recently I've realized how much that part of my life scarred me and made me hate my body. As I've gotten older, I've grown curvier and it's something I've had to adjust to. I don't fit into certain outfits just because my hips are too wide or my butt is too big even thought the rest of me is fairly skinny. It always makes me feel fat when I have to wear something in an XL or XXL just because of those parts of my body.

This is a self portrait to claim that despite all those things that I am still beautiful and I am worth loving myself. I'm tired of waking up and hating myself. I shouldn't deny myself happiness because of the way my body is formed. I'm not average, and I love that 💕😭

#selfportrait #selfportraitpainting #fantasyself #darkfantasy #fantasyportraiture #fantasyart #demonart #demongirl #demons #fightingmydemons #positivevibes #selflove #bodyacceptance #lovingmyself #loveyourself #acceptyourself #acceptyourbody