#it devolves so fast
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stoneheart-paramour · 3 days ago
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thinking about this again as chapter seven hits 5k words lol.
got 2-3 more scenes (depending on how i break down scenes) left in the chapter so it will definitely be hitting 6k most likely, at least in this first draft. i want to cut down in some spots for the purposes of better flow, but i can pretty confidently assume it's gonna be anywhere between 5k-6k
8k is seeming a bit excessive though so i doubt many, if any, chapters will hit that? we'll see. there could be some chapters that are A Lot of Words even if technically fewer things happened (like an action sequence). writing conversations/dialogue continues to be the most stressful thing because having a drawn out conversation is normal irl but CAN get dull in a book if you're not careful, so i'm always cognizant of that fact. irl, people go on unrelated tangents all the time (me, i'm people) but for the purposes of the narrative, i gotta keep these bitches on topic. yes, even the adhd ones (looking at you march and caelus). left to their own devices they'd hit six different topics, and only 1 or 2 are even tenuously related to the original subject lol
i also want to be sure everyone's "voice" sounds distinct from one another. would hate for it to sound like just one guy playing multiple parts without any enthusiasm. dan heng doesn't use contractions, caelus says "um" and "uh" and trails off a lot, march gets plenty of exclamation points, welt has his peculiar cadence (which i love so much), aventurine is so flowery and puts heavy emphasis on various words... etc etc. they are so fun but i DO need to make a conscious effort to stay on top of these quirks and keep them consistent! the fact that the characters have a whole collection of different voice lines is GREAT bc i can just listen to youtube compilations of them. unfortunately, listening to aventurine's voice lines sends me into crazytown orbit so it's a risk aj;kfdaj;flajl i am very extremely normal lmaaaao. caelus has a VA and voice lines but he almost NEVER ACTUALLY TALKS so i'm just making shit up for him as i go based on the content of what he says rather than how he says them. (and he says some out of pocket shit it's so fucking funny. you are a LUNATIC my guy. what is wrong with you. never change.)
ahem. anyway. wrote another 800 words today, and i want to try to finish the first draft of the chapter at least by tonight so i can begin doing revisions. might also write some "histories" stuff...? dan heng's "origin story" stuff is so close to done, i really ought to finish it up so it can be posted. i also have things i want to write for firefly... and of course my darling topaz (and topaz + aventurine my double darlings).
i was talking with my friends about neutral intimacy and how it's such a beautiful representation of vulnerability and trust... that's how i want to portray aventurine and topaz. i am crazy about my avencae ship but i'm equally feral for some tender platonic pairings. even if he couldn't or wouldn't ever say it, she's the person he loves most in the world <3 he would simply call it "trust" (but that alone is significant and meaningful coming from him). auugh i love them. i am throwing them in a blender. with love. and myself.
i think chapters are likely going to get longer from this point; the 6k word count limit just isn't gonna cut it going forward with some of the things that need to get done, ideally in the same chapter. so... might bump it up to 8k max? i have no earthly idea what would be considered too long for a chapter, whether that's traditional publishing or fanfics lol
wait actually. let me put this into a nano perspective (may it rest in peace); if a novel is ~50k words minimum. and my chapters were 5k words each. that would be 10 chapters total. actually, how many chapters are normally in the average novel?? alright i was just trying to wing it but i'm gonna have to google shit after all...
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ok, alright, that checks out; i'm not too far off then (i assume the 50 chapters would account for a much higher word count book)
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(why hello there dabble) eyyy i'm not blindly guessing as much as i thought lol
ok. so 8k words per chapter would be a good bit longer than the average, but not necessarily for the worse. i'll keep my 4k words minimum i previously established, maybe even bump it up to 5k from here on out, and make a hard cutoff at 8k. or, if i'm not actually hitting that mark, i can reduce to cap to 7k or so
or maybe raising the cap won't actually be necessary at all and i'm overthinking things (like i always do) BUT in the case that i'm not, i have a gameplan
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anticidic · 5 months ago
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big fan of the idea of when skk were younger and sparring with one another, they also made dumb bets or said stupid insults to needle one another into bringing their A-game. but by doing this, they also improve one another.
because, normally, Dazai didn't care much to try to match Chuuya's pace while sparring. he'd block kicks and punches and even had the audacity to turn his back and walk away with an exaggerated yawn if Chuuya was doing his usual moves that Dazai already committed to memory when they were 15-16. but with enough persuasion, and a little bit of pride on the line, he'd do his damnedest to come out on top and maybe try new tactics to throw Chuuya off-guard because those times that Chuuya's eyes go wide when he can't predict what Dazai will do next are satisfying and make it worth it to him.
observing how Chuuya moves and why helps Dazai understand Chuuya better as a partner, and it's useful information he tucks away for their missions together—until more than once he's flipped over and lands on the ground or against the wall with a hand against his throat. he blinks several times, and Chuuya can see the gears turning in Dazai's head as he replays in his mind what the hell just happened in the span of not even two seconds for him to be beneath Chuuya with the hard floor digging into his back and a foot pressing down on him.
then Dazai laughs when he sees the challenging look in Chuuya's eyes and something about how weak and pathetic he is for lowering his guard and getting pinned, because now he owes Chuuya something for losing.
...until he doesn't and kicks Chuuya's legs out from under him, making him also fall down. then they repeat. their movements are less fluid and more like two cats fighting on the ground.
there are times where they come up with new moves as a duo so they can work in unison, and times where their session is spent rolling around and wrestling on the ground.
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glindauplland · 2 years ago
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HOT ONES
Jennifer Lawrence Sobs in Pain While Eating Spicy Wings
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luvo27 · 4 months ago
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because they got me thinking about it, here's a fics I probably won't write: the idea behind my silly (by which i mean horrifying hopefully) wayne family adventures fic!!
premise: told through a weird and funky novelization of chapters of wayne family adventures. there is something something magic plague something something. the batfam (at as dysfunctional as you can get stage) is getting brainwashed/forced to play happy families in a shared dream (the dream being wfa)
there are little glitches as people fall asleep and characters join the hallucination one by one and sometimes people are like whattt the hell am i doing here and then they get zapped into happy family time. and it works because there's a part of them that wants happy family.
at some point things break a little too hard (a character references a really bad argument that never got resolved outside the dream or some such) and there's a glitchy blow up argument between a couple of characters, and then it cuts off. the next chapter resumes and those characters are still there, but Different. Happier and Smiley-er Family. from there it goes from shared hallucination to bruce's individual hallucination as the other characters are yoinked out one by one as the dream keeps breaking. and then bruce is left with these kind of like. happy smiling mannequin people. and he's alone in the dream.
this is when outside magic intervention comes in as the jla or some such have been doing actual work in the real world and the batfam start waking up slowly in a superhero hospital ward and none of them can look at each other because they all remember their happy family moments and they all go their separate ways as fast as they can
eventually they get all the information about the magic disease thing and they all find out that their shared dream/hallucination only worked (for however long it did) because there was a part of them that wanted it. and they have to face the fact that they wanted it, and they have to face the fact that even though the dream/hallucination magic was created to keep them in the dream together, they still managed to be so dysfunctional that they broke it. and then they have to deal with the fact that everyone else knows that they wanted happy families.
from here, depending on the characters involved in whichever different relationship, there are multiple ways it can go. they can realize that the other person wants to repair their relationship, reach out and make amends, as awkward as it might be. They can be haunted by the knowledge of how the other person wants to repair the relationship, and how they managed to break it in the dream even with the dream pushing the happy family reality upon them, and decide for good that they're better off without each other and learn how to grieve what could have never been. they can continue to hover awkwardly around each other and ignore everything that happened and fall back into the status quo, except for how sometimes they'll accidentally reference something that only happened in the Happy Families dream.
this is a story about the difference between the dream you can never have because there is too much history and hurt, and the horrible difficult reality of people who might truly want to repair a relationship and do better, and don't know how to get there and the different ways that reality can turn out.
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jar-of-maise · 2 years ago
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incorrect quotes with my new fav trio
starring wriothesley, clorinde and neuvillette bc i said so
Wriothesley: What do you think Neuvillette will do for a distraction? Clorinde: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. *Building explodes and several car alarms go off* Clorinde: ... or he could do that.
...
Wriothesley: How's the sexiest person here~? Neuvillette: I don't know, how are they~? Wriothesley: I- Clorinde, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!
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Clorinde: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Wriothesley? Wriothesley: … No. Neuvillette: I do! Clorinde: I know, Neuvillette. Neuvillette: I’m sad! Wriothesley: We know, Neuvillette
...
Neuvillette, to Wriothesley and Clorinde: *holding knife out in front of them* Are you or are you not an enemy of the people?! Wriothesley: ... Clorinde: ... Wriothesley: That is such an open-ended question. Clorinde: Yeah, it really depends on a lot of different factors-
...
Wriothesley: We need a diversion. I say Neuvillette gets naked. Neuvillette: No. Clorinde: Who are we trying to distract again?
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Clorinde, at Neuvillette: Would you like to stay for dinner? Wriothesley, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!
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Clorinde: Ooh, somebody has a crush Wriothesley: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Neuvillette I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. *Later that night* Wriothesley, very much awake: Uh oh.
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Neuvillette: There's no way they like me back. Clorinde: Wriothesley would throw himself in front of a moving car for you. Neuvillette: Wriothesley would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.
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Neuvillette: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Clorinde: Clorinde: I'm gonna tell them. Wriothesley: Don't you dare.
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Wriothesley: Is there a cactus where your heart should be? Clorinde: What’s up your ass this morning! Neuvillette: *walks in* ...Hey. Clorinde: Hmm… nevermind. Wriothesley: WAIT NO!
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Wriothesley: Do you cook? Neuvillette: I made a cake once. Clorinde: Yeah, it was good. Neuvillette: Really? Clorinde: Don’t make me lie twice, Neuvillette.
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Neuvillette: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Clorinde: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Wriothesley: Ya know... it might be.
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Clorinde: Did Wriothesley just tell me he loved me for the first time? Neuvillette: Yeah, he did. Clorinde: And did I just do finger guns back? Neuvillette: Yeah, you did.
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Wriothesley: Where are my fucking keys? Clorinde: Wriothesley, Neuvillette is around, can you say it a little nicer? Wriothesley: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!
...
*Neuvillette dies in a game with ships* Wriothesley: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us. Wriothesley: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury. Clorinde: Legend has it that Neuvillette still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks. Neuvillette: Of course I do.
...
Wriothesley: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Neuvillette: Excuse me [insert name]. Would you give me the honours of indulging in sexual activities with you? Clorinde: What the fuck is wrong with you two?
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Clorinde: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Wriothesley! Neuvillette: So Wriothesley knows about this? Clorinde, walking away: No, this is between me and me!
...
Neuvillette: *is wearing silk pants* How does this look? Wriothesley: Like its slips on and off really easily. Neuvillette: Wriothesley: No, I didn't mean it like that- Clorinde: We know what you meant.
...
Clorinde: What have you done with Neuvillette? Wriothesley: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?
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Neuvillette, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Wriothesley: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later* Wriothesley: Here you go. Neuvillette: Wriothesley: Clorinde: Why am I here?
...
Wriothesley: I’m this close to falling in love with Neuvillette. Clorinde: Your fingertips are touching. Wriothesley: Exactly.
...
Neuvillette: Would you take a bullet for me? Wriothesley: ...yes? *Clorinde angrily burst into the room* Neuvillette: *running away* Great, thanks!
guys i love them a healthy amount i swear. NOW DIE ON THIS HILL WITH ME
PART II is now up!
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thexgrayxlady · 1 year ago
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Kisara learning to drive quickly becomes a group activity once it sinks for the rest of the Geek Squad that otherwise, Seto "Screw traffic laws, I have money" Kaiba would be doing it himself.
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michyeosseo · 2 years ago
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At least one bite? You must be hungry. I know you hate me but–
Yoon Hae Young and Choi Myung Gil as JANG SE-MI & BAEK DO-YI LADY DURIAN (2023) 1.07
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spinostarz · 7 months ago
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whatever's going on with napoleon fans on tiktok. i want whatever they're on
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landfilloftrash · 10 months ago
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shoutout to my girl eno’s nightmare bc. Hi! What and/or Who the fuck was that ! its gonna haunt her and i for awhile !
#my art#its a shitpost batman#Pirate Campaign#Enososin Folook#rea rambles in the tags#OK SO LIKE IT KINDA TOLD ME WHAT/WHO IT WAS BUT IT ALSO DIDNT? YKNOW? LIKE—#it started off with normal dream stuff and then devolving into fear/nightmare stuff and ‘wtf is this who are you why are you in my house’#but then the whole argument shifted when the thing posing as Rollo— bc it WAS an outside force— said “i am his rage i am his guilt’’ etc.#and i could FUCKING FEEL ENO IN MY HEAD RELAX SO GODDAMN FAST. STILL ANXIOUS BUT JUST. ‘Oh. Is that all?’#‘Well what i’m about to do is still incredibly stupid but i feel much better about how it will go now’#AND IT WORKED. WONDER OF WONDERS. AND THEN FUCKING AFTER THAT WHEN I WAS HUGGING THEM.#the ‘creature’ for lack of better terms EXPLICITLY said “of course you are one who can calm my rage— you who was raised by the one#whom i love the most’’ and HI. HELLO. THERE ARE SEVERAL WAYS I COULD TAKE THIS SENTENCE ENTITY-OF-INDETERMINATE-EVERYTHING.#ROLLO. DAD MAN. BELOVED GOLIATH WHOM I TRUST WITH MY LIFE AND THAT SCARES ME.#I HAVE QUESTIONS. SEVERAL ACTUALLY. WILL WE EVER ASK THEM? PROBABLY NOT!!!!!!!!#BUT IM *SO* CURIOUS. WAIT A MINUTE. WHO *ARE* YOU??????????#final shoutout to the fact that both times I have tried/thought about casting a vaguely aggressive spell. to someone who was#threatening me/eno. it has not *worked!!* and I have had to use my THINK THONKING BRAIN AND DO A STUPID MOVE!!!!!#aka roleplay and use way too much compassion. *I WONDER WHY SHE'S SO INSISTENT THAT IT'LL WORK STRANGE ENTITY I CALMED BY HUGGING*#they were also INCREDIBLY insistent that I don’t die. Peacefully/trying to help someone that is. Full of rage like a supernova ?#only acceptable way to go apparently /lh /very aff (<- already attached to this strange person I DONT KNOW)#ok ok im done /jov#shut UP rea#rea's trash
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softservesoymilk · 1 year ago
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Considering my issues have gone from ‘lonely little bitch’ to ‘daddy AND mommy issues (ongoing)’ in the school’s eyes, I’m now eligible for a chaplain!
I got to meet her today and SHE’S A HUGE RPG NERD AAAAAAAA ❤️❤️❤️
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cleromancy · 1 year ago
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making up* the perfect robin for dickbats n then just. yoinking him away and giving him to bruce. hmmm. Sucks
*importing from a non-canon timeline story but the adaptation choices 100% set him up to be robin for dick ykwi FUCKING mean
#always conflicted bc. i never wanted dick to be batman forever obviously.#but ummmmmmmmm. sometimes. a little. as a treat#and he has to hate it the whole time except for damian pretty much.#(I Also Think the effect that would start having on damian as he started getting old enough to realize it#would be really interesting!!! like this is the most important thing in the world to me but it makes my favorite person miserable.#like i dont... delve into that in lbof bc damians not one of the pov characters buuuut in the as yet unpublished sequel#you do start seeing some of what that means 4 their relationship... hueheuehe)#and. lol. i only know the broad strokes of what dcs been doing with damian since the reboot but what ive heard i really havent liked.#and i absolutely have not heard anything that makes me reconsider my stance that narratively speaking damian makes no intuitive sense as+#bruces robin. smh#also while im complaining about like. the reboot taking away the existing structure that had been set up for damian as a character to play+#off of.#colin would have been SUCH a good supporting character for damian... he was in SIX ISSUES but the freakin. potential!!!!#everyone who writes damian with a hero bff with a nothing personality: it doesn't have to be like this. take my hand#dc#like specifically damian was this traumatized displaced abused child and the similarities and differences btwn him and colin aka abuse &#the way that damian latched onto him so fast n kept trying to impress him which like. alright damian was trying pretty hard to impress+#everybody at the time. hes the baby tryhard we know this.#BUT. LIKE. him seeing someone his age and not immediately wanting to write them off as a simpleton or whatever yk... like#was significant particularly bc colin Did think he was cool without yk. the relationship dynamic devolving into fawning or whatever#but like to HAVE the contrast btwn them their backgrounds their motives & demeanors but you still had damian recognizing that smth about+#them is The Same. ugh#whagever its fine. its fine. i have to do everything mysellf aroumd here but its fine.
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fantastic-mr-corvid · 1 month ago
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Aw fuck. Arakow and Estinian have got that homoerotic shonen rivalry dynamic going on don't they...
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ditzybird · 2 months ago
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no one can parse the documents on my computer where i put swa.tc.h and palet in increasingly contrived and disconnected fetish scenarios. not even me
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the-weeping-dawn · 4 months ago
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hyoer · 23 days ago
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Project: Get Over Bob (2)
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pairing. Bob Reynolds x reader
synopsis. Bob likes someone that’s not you and now its up to you to carry on Project Get Over Bob.
warnings. Mentions of suicide (vagueish), mentions of child abuse and  forms of non-physical self-harm, mentions of drugs :( Bob just struggling a lot with life but reader and the team are there to make it better even if it’s just a bit. Lots of angst and no comfort… Yet. Also, a bit of kissing. I may have made reader english unintentionally :) expansion of readers relationship with the team!! The Void and a little?bit of the Sentry make an appearance.
word count. 6.5k
Notes at the end of this chapter
part 1.
Phase: Bob?
Robert Reynolds grew up like a dog, held taught at the neck, beaten into submission for the hell of it. He'd spent 29 years running from the cage he grew up in.
From backwater towns to unkind cities, across borders and oceans, he was always searching for his next high.
And every time he found it and crashed, he crashed harder.
All of his misfortune had led him to Kuala Lumpur. What better place, he thought, for cheap meth and good food?
Not that he could afford either once he landed. His so-called "working holiday" quickly devolved into sleepless nights and cheap motel rooms.
The lab was a nightmare, and the splitting of his mind it hurt, it hurt so much. But none of that pain could compare to the guilt.
The sickening knowledge that he'd hurt people.
That he'd become the thing he feared.
His father had always told him: Violence is in your blood. One day, you'll understand it's not cruelty—it’s survival. Bob had spent his life trying to prove him wrong, only to fail.
Waking up in the vault was terrifying. But that fear was eclipsed by the feeling of something stronger, the opportunity of a real life.
A final chance.
He regarded it as the single most important moment of his life. Sure, getting the sentry serum was life-changing. But he’d give it up in a heartbeat if it meant keeping what he had now.
And you were there the day it all started.
You weren’t a child assassin like Yelena, or a phasing shadow like Ava, or a walking weapon like Alexei, Bucky, or Walker. But you moved with purpose. Precision. That quiet intensity set you apart. You weren’t the strongest in the vault. But took twice as many hits as you dealt and got up three times as fast.
Now, in the tower, most of Bob’s nights were spent with you. He’d perch himself on your sofa, fingers picking at the frayed threads along the armrest, eyes blurred but never closed. You’d talk about everything. The strange weather patterns, Alexei’s obsession with marketing, the new taco shop opening downstairs—mundane things, your voice soft and steady, trying to anchor him.
The room always felt smaller when you were there. Your presence was a warmth that filled every corner, something he could almost reach out and hold if he wasn’t so afraid of breaking it somehow.
But even you couldn’t keep the thoughts out.
The silence between your words gave them space. The darkness of the room fed them. And the safety you offered made them bolder.
“I wish I’d died in Sarasota.” he said one night.
Your head snapped toward him, eyes wide with a fear he hadn’t expect.
“Hey—no, no. Please don’t say that, Robert.”  you moved closer  “Please just- just look at me.”
Your hand cupped his face, fingertips grazing the edge of his jaw, soft and trembling.
It wasn’t romantic.
It wasn’t sexual.
It was a safe feeling touch, he’d always wanted that.
You always gave it to him.
“Look, I won’t tell you that you can’t feel like this, it wouldn’t be right for me to say that. But you’ve been working so hard to unpack your issues and work at them, please, please just give yourself the credit you deserve.”
He blinked up at you, fighting the urge to look away.
“Most people go their whole lives never even trying to unpack their pain,” you continued, voice low but unwavering. “But you—you’re facing it. That’s brave.”
And for a moment.
The void inside him seemed to shrink that bit smaller.
Being at the tower felt freer than the life of a nomad he’d adopted for the past 7 years. There were still plenty of rules, curfews, schedules and therapy sessions—but the structure gave him purpose. It kept his mind and body active.
Every morning, Yelena would bang on his door like a madman.
“Make sure you grab your coffee ~” she’d call through the door, already bounding halfway down the hall by the time he’d have opened his eyes.
There, he’d find you with your back turned, shuffling through the music on your phone, tapping your foot lightly to the beat. He’d reach over and grab two cups for you both before heading out for a run in Central Park with Yelena, well, he’d be attempting to run, but that was besides the point.
He’d run beside Lena, wheezing through half-finished stories about old jobs or nights he barely remembered. She’d hit back with tales from the Red Room. They were always darker, sometimes sad, but she was a master of comedy so he’d be barking out laughs between gasps for air the whole way.
Once she was finished torturing him he’d head back to the tower to meet Ava in the lab.
She was helping him work toward his GED—something he’d started years ago, then abandoned when life got too loud. Now, with all the time and resources in the world, he thought it would be a good time to start again.
Ava was the best teacher he could ask for.
She never rolled her eyes when he forgot how to do something, never laughed when he misread something aloud.
Her teaching was patient and kind.
She wasn’t much of a talker, which was a given with her solitary upbringing, but that was fine with him. They’d spend time in comfortable silence, with Bob occasionally breaking it to ask a question. Both of them used to the quiet, neither of them quite understood what normal looked like but their quiet friendship fulfilled them both.
After finishing up with his work, Bucky would usually steal him away for sparring.
“You keep dropping your guard.” he’d grunt, tossing Bob onto the mat for the fifth time in the past ten minutes.
“I don’t have a guard.” Bob would mutter, staring up at the ceiling begging someone, anyone for a break.
He hated physical exercise.
The sentry serum had made Bob invincible and while he didn’t feel any pain, his frustration was with his lack of ability.
His strength was absolute, his body impenetrable, but, he wanted to be able to move around with the same grace and stealth that the others did.
Bucky pushed him harder than anyone else.
But it never felt cruel.
It was focused and encouraging.
Like he was his older brother who believed in him enough to never go easy.
You’d sometimes be there too, just out of sight in the adjacent room. You’d be reviewing mission footage or deep in a debrief.
Bob liked it better when you weren’t watching. Not because he didn’t want you there, he just preferred to keep his exploits or lack thereof between the senator and himself instead.
Dinner was one of the best parts of his day.
Sitting at the dinner table didn’t involve endless lectures or threats of harm. Alexei and John would always be the first ones at the table, seated across from him like some sort of strange uncle-nephew trio. They weren’t constantly at each others throats but when they were it was way more entertaining for him.
John always had a dumb joke ready but Alexei managed to always have a weirder one. Half the time, they would argue about whether Kramer vs Kramer was a Christmas movie or if John had browned the butter well enough for the banana bread.
“Why do you even eat potatoes like this?” Alexei would say, stabbing one with his fork “It is so dry, no soul.”
“You’re literally Russian dude?!!” John would shoot back his voice raising an octave.
“Russia has great food, you know my father-”
Bob was definitely not listening to the rest of that. But he would smile and finish his meal with a warmth in his heart and that’s all that mattered.
You and Bob would take your daily walks after dinner.
The city was quieter at night.
Well, New York never really was, but it was quieter in the way Bob liked. Just a low rumble of traffic in the distance and the occasional click of footsteps as you both aimlessly wandered.
Bob chuckled at your retelling of your siblings meeting Ava for the first time. His smile lingered even after you’d finished talking, it was a strange one. It felt like he was half-sincere and half-lost in thought. His steps slowed and he turned to you, “You’re one of my best friends, y’know, just thought I’d tell you.” said more like a question than a statement.
You smiled. “That’s why you’ve been looking constipated this entire walk?”
He huffed a laugh, but his face still has a serious look “I mean it. It’s not just because we have to live together or mission stuff. You’re always there for me even when I’ve been hard to be around.”
“Bob, you’ve never been hard to be around, ever.”
He didn’t respond right away. His jaw flexed and eyes fixed somewhere past your shoulder.
“I guess I-I just keep thinking” voice low “That I’m this ticking time bomb. Like the more time you guys spend with me, the quicker I’ll blow up a fuse and hurt you all.”
You were quiet for a second. Then you said, “You ever think that maybe we don’t need protecting from you? That having you around is so good that we’d be willing to keep the Void at bay forever? I would go through hundreds of rooms for you Robert, every damn day if I had to, I’m sure the others would too.”
You didn’t say anything else, and he stared at you for a moment before sputtering out that it was late and you both should head back. He really hoped you hadn’t noticed how red his ears were.
Bob thought that maybe you liked him the way he liked you.
But he decided to push silly thoughts like that away. You would have said that to everyone.
It wasn’t that Bob himself didn’t like you; he just felt as though pursuing you would be another Malaysia. He would somehow grip your light so tightly that it would burn only you, leaving him at the centre of yet another massacre. And Bob was far too kind, he cared for you far too much to doom you to a life of walking on eggshells.
He would get over you. And he knew just what to have to start his journey.
A sweet treat.
Bob didn’t plan on finding the bookstore.
He was walking to find a new dessert place, the serum left him with a serious sweet tooth.
Bob liked walking on Main Street. Sure, there was always a major risk of him literally destroying everyone in the city if the transdimensional being in him escaped but, the feeling off blending in and being normal was worth the risk.
He walked for another ten minutes before he saw it.
The bookstore that you were always raving about. You had begged the whole team to come with you, rambling on about the idea of a book club in preparation for the new Christopher Nolan film, but your pleading had been interrupted by Mel informing them all they had press to finish up.
He decided he’d go in and find you something, that should cheer you up.
Bob wandered into the store, trailing his fingers along the many books, stopping only when he'd collected too much dust for his nose to handle. It reminded him of a place he’d hidden out in once, years ago.
Different city.
Different Bob.
“You looking for anything specific?” came a voice.
He turned and saw her.
A short woman with long loose waves nestled into a bun, a pencil sticking out of her pocket and reading glasses hanging around her neck. She looked at him cheekily and something about the intensity of her gaze flustered him.
“I’m-I’m not really sure, I’m looking for a friend but I have no idea what she would want.” he replied honestly, scratching the back of his neck.
She smiled, “Those are the best kinds of searches.”
Their first conversation was short. She’d recommended some kind of fantasy novel.
He’d bought it and you were so happy that you spent the next two weeks singing Bob's praises to anyone and everyone.
That included Lily.
Bob came back the next week to pick something else out. And the week after that.
And each time, Lily was there with a new recommendation. With questions about what he liked, how he was doing, how you were doing.
Sometimes they talked for a minute.
Sometimes ten.
Bob never told her who he really was, nothing about the Thunderbolts stuff, though he was sure she knew.
Just said his name was Bob and that he was working on “getting his life together”.
She never pried. Never asked why his hands sometimes shook, or why his eyes would occasionally glow. She always spoke to him gently and laughed at his shitty attempts at jokes in a way that made him feel like maybe he was just a guy in a bookstore.
Someone normal.
One day, he decided to be brave, “You ever uh free for a coffee?” he'd asked, the words almost catching in his throat.
“As in to drink it? Or are you asking me out?” she looked surprised.
Shit, she looked like she was freaked out, he almost backed off right then, but he decided to push through. He nodded “Yeah yeah uh the second one.”
She studied his face - not judgmental, just thoughtful - “Okay, yeah sure, but be warned I’m coming in hot off the back of an awful relationship. Like the guy was Loki levels of out of his mind, I may go crawling back.” she joked.
Bob smiled.
“Here. Take my number.”
Once outside with her number tucked safely into his breast pocket, he took a moment to take in a breath.
He thought about you for a second, your smile, your voice and he felt guilty, but you didn’t like him. It was ok for him to move on and he was sure you’d support him putting himself out there.
Right?
Phase 3
Phase 3 was not feeling as easy as you’d predicted it would be.
Not thinking of Bob was difficult. He engulfed your every thought, every second of the day seemed to stretch out further than you thought possible when you worked on any task that didn’t include Bob.
Even sleep didn’t offer a break.
In your dream, Bob appeared doe-eyed, curls falling over his face and his skin glowing. Your hands were roaming his body and his breath was hot against the shell of your ear. He was calm and collected, his movements slow as he cradled you tightly to his chest.
His head turned to you, his lips inching closer to your face and then all at once pressed against yours. His head angled to the right to swipe his tongue against your bottom lip, the action causing you to gasp and heat to bloom in your chest.
As your hands began to reach for his face, they fell through, jolting you awake. Your bed cushioning your movements didn’t stop your face from hitting the side of the bed frame.
You’d never made out with anyone before, so how the hell did the kiss feel so real.
“What the hell?”
Huffing you drag yourself to the bathroom, you find Bucky there brushing his teeth. You say nothing to greet him and the strangeness of your silence isn’t lost on him.
He offers a smile as he makes his way out of your shared space, he’ll bother you later once he brings back a red velvet from the store near his and Steve’s old place in Brooklyn.
Remind yourself to get an electric toothbrush, this one is struggling to withstand the force of your anger as you scrape each tooth with all of your strength.
You were doing so well to not fall back into thinking of Bob.
So why did this dream have to screw everything up?
By the time you’re done damaging your enamel it’s time for another hellish sparring session with John.
Good Lord, you were not in the mood.
You unwillingly tread down to the gym, smelling the clinical bleach mats before you round the corner.
The gym always smelled like sweat, chemical cleaner, and testosterone — basically John's cologne. You pushed the door open hard, making it slam against the frame making John jump from the noise and trip over the weight in front of him. Wait did that weight say 2000kg holy shit-
“What crawled up your ass?” he barked, startled but recovering quickly.
“Nothing. Just thought I’d get a bit of payback. You ready?” He smirked.
The mat is thick beneath your bare feet, cold and spongy. Walker stands a few feet away, stretching out his legs, the muscles in his arms rolling under his shirt. For someone so impossibly strong he sure was wirey looking.
Captain America, my ass. You reminded yourself he had limits — he had to.
You both began circling each other, and a quick step to each side had you both falling into a familiar rhythm.
“You know he came by asking for you, right?”
You rolled your eyes. “It doesn’t mean anything.” you swing your fist, miming a punch, daring him to act.
Walker was always too trigger happy for his own good.
He would always bite.
“Y’know its pretty obvious to everyone include Bob that you’re distancing yourself from just him,” he said, launching at you with flurry of jabs. You dodged most, but he caught your shoulder and stomach hard.
Jesus that hurt, you deserved an extra matcha latte for lunch as a reward.
“Yeah? Well, he’s the one glued to his girlfriend’s side every hour of the day.” you step back with your arms up “I don’t see how that’s my problem.”
He raised an eyebrow, eyes narrowing “If you don’t like him, then why would it—”
“Oh my God, John,” you cut him off, voice tight  “Everyone knows. I know Bob knows I like him. I don’t understand what people want from me! I’ve been kind. I talk to her, I talk to him. I haven’t said anything mean or snarky, I’m not making a scene. If they’re in the room, I don’t disappear... I’m trying.”
Your breathing was heavy and you could feel the pressure rising behind your eyes. You weren't prone to emotional outbursts and John felt like he’d provoked you without reason.
“What else am I supposed to do?” you whispered.
John looked like he was going to say something — probably a joke, probably one of his usual offhand lines to break the tension.
But he didn’t.
“I see him with her and it really hurts.”  your arms dropped and you began to take the next few of his punches half-heartedly. You weren’t fighting back anymore.
Just standing there, letting the blows land and getting back up like clockwork.
“I-I can’t do this. I’m sorry”
You turn away, walking over to the wall pressing your forehead gently against the cool panelling. It’s the only thing that you could think to do to ground you. John comes up behind you, placing his hand on the top of your back, patting it like he would do to his son when he was helping him drift off to sleep.
John spoke, his tone gentler than usual.
“How do you always eat my hits like that?” he asks “You sure you’re not a mutant or something?”
You half-laughed, half-sighed, “If I was, I wouldn’t be a B-grade superhero like Variety said.”
He snorted behind you “And you believe the opinion of the magazine that made me ride my shield like a horse?”
You both laugh. John stands there with you until you calm down.
He tells you to clean up and head back upstairs, he says he doesn’t need you so stressed out so close to you guys’ next mission.
As you make your way up to the kitchen to fill up your water bottle you pass the library, freezing when you see two familiar figures sitting side by side on the floor.
Their arms are fitted so tightly next to one another, they look like their melting into each other. Lily reaches out and nudges a stray curl back behind Bob’s ear.
You feel sick.
Bob’s cheeks flush a little, and he gives her a sheepish grin and you make the mistake of scuffing your slippers across the floor in an attempt to walk away. They both look at you wide eyed, like they’d been caught doing something wrong.
“Hey guys” your voice gentle “Looks like a tornado flew through here, what you up to?” you’re hoping the fake texan twang is enough for them to not see the obvious awkwardness on your face.
Bob giggles and she explains their plan to find the ultimate saag paneer recipe, both finishing the others thoughts and animatedly nudging each other when they think the other ones wrong.
You decide that the scene is too intimate and too domestic and you need to run away.
Bidding them goodbye with a wide smile you all but run past the kitchen to go to your room and stew in your jealousy.
While Lily continues to argue the importance of the four forms of taste Bob swallows hard, his gaze distracted and brows slowly knotting together.
Something seriously doesn’t make sense with you.
You sit with your knees up on your bed, the soft glow from your bedside lamp casts shadows across the room. You make shapes with your hands and play with the shadows, your headphones are playing something by Lorde that makes you feel worse somehow.
That’s a first.
The door to the bathroom slowly cracks open, Ava’s brown curls visible as she inches her way in as quietly as possible.
“I’m awake y’know.” you grin at her, she was so cute when she was trying to be sneaky.
She guffaws “Yeah I k-knew.”
You stare at her accusingly with your brow raised.
“Ok so I thought you were asleep, so what? You can tell me off later once you tell me why you flooded your room on purpose.”
“I plead the fifth.” your expression completely deadpan.
“We’re both English! That doesn’t work.” she laughs out, not angrily but with the same tone a mother would with her child.
“Technically-“
She stops you “It wouldn’t have anything to do with the flying boy that you’ve been pining over?”
“That’s a low blow c’mon.” your pout is unintentional, you love Ava but you do not need to think about him even more after the day you’ve had, it would ruin the plan even more than it already had.
“Can we just drop the topic of Bob and just hang out? Since you’ve already snuck your way into my room”, she stills for a moment and without warning jumps onto your bed and grabs your waist. With her head in your lap you begin to thread your fingers through her scalp.
She mumbles something, half of her mouth buried in the plush fabric of your pyjamas. You’re sure it’s something about the way you keep the room way too cold for comfort.
This is nice you think.
Maybe you don’t need just Bob after all.
Phase 4
Never mind maybe you do.
Bob seems to struggle less and less with the concept of never seeing you around, he fills his time with Lily and her life. You think he seems to fit in fine with her spin classes and zoo dates. Not that there’s anything wrong with exercise and animals.
It isn’t your life, Bob isn’t your boyfriend and he would never want to be.
Ouch.
Maybe you really were on the cusp of really becoming invisible to him.
Just like you wanted?
Whatever, you didn’t have time to think about Project Get Over Bob anyway, Valentina had scheduled a gala to honour the ‘ex- Avengers’ as she called them. None of you were happy with the phrasing and you were sure Sam would talk you, Buck, and Joaqins ear off when you met up later tonight.
Your dress had been fitted a month or two before and Mel had scheduled a glam team for everyone so you go through the first half of the day abnormally relaxed.
You, Yelena, John and Alexei make your way downstairs first. You hear someone mumble about there not being enough space for everyone in the car but the air is so cold and bitter they’re lucky your ears haven’t frozen off by the time you’re off to the venue.
Once there, you struggle to get the train of your dress to stop sticking to the bottom of your heel, you curse loud enough for Alexei to notice and carry you out like a doll.
“Your dress ok my little firecracker?”
“Yeah thanks Lexei. You guys go ahead, I wanna go to the bathroom before heading in”
He nods and turns around, walking towards the others and wrapping his arms around them, binding them to himself as he rushes them in.
As you finally look up at the scene in front of you, your breath stutters.
The building in front of you was immense.
The lights perched about the balcony and grounds are blinding, and you grip the train of your dress in an attempt to calm your nerves. You focus on the sound of constant chatter and the feeling of the pebbled walkway under your heels.
Before your time with the team, you’d worked as a paralegal with the Govenor of New York. It was thankless but looked great on your Linkedin. You hadn’t figured out how to write Avenger in the current jobs section without seeming like an idiot yet. Galas were a common part of your job so you weren’t worried about having to network.
No what you were nervous about was keeping your cool around Bob. You’re sure that seeing him in a suit would kill you.
Now, back from the bathroom you feel a lot lighter and not just physically.
“You’re looking very foxy tonight lady.” without hesitation you reach out behind you to hit Joaqin.
“Why’d you say the same thing to me at every event dumbass.” the man gives you a bone crushing hug and another pair of arms snake around you while he squeezes.
“Buck been training you too hard or something? You look tired.” Sam and Joaqin really were tied at the hip recently, maybe Bob’s comment about them reminding him of Tina and Tina was right.
Wait, get yourself together, no more Bob!
You talk to the both of them for around twenty minutes before you're all ushered into the main room. You move effortlessly between the hoards of investors, senators and random people that you really don’t know, spitting out jokes and making conversation that the others on your team definitely don’t understand. You forget they didn't have to go full corporate for their previous day jobs.
God bless your internship at EY.
As you make your way over to the buffet, a voice calls out your name, you turn and see your friend Finley. He’d worked on a campaign with you a few years back.
You missed being less busy, even the stress of a political campaign was quieter than the constant press and training that had taken over your life. His sudden appearance was a welcome distraction.
“Look at you,” he said, pulling back to take you in “Avenger, huh? Still can’t believe you went from filing out my paperwork to fighting eldritch horrors.”
“Hey it’s not my fault you were so bad at your job.”
 You both laughed and decided to find a nook to reminise about your awful pay and long nights together.
Your conversation was cut short when your phone buzzed in your clutch. A quick glance at the screen showed Bob was calling you.
You swipe the notification without a second thought.
You tell youself to remember the plan.
But you feel it suddenly, like someone is burning the side of your head with a lighter. What the hell?
When you look to your left, you see him.
Bob stands a few feet away, his expression unreadable.
His suit is black, tailored so precisely it looks painted onto him. The jacket hugs the top of his shoulders so deliciously, when he moves the fabric pulls just enough to remind you that he actually does have muscles and it isn't just rainbows/kittens under there. His shirt was crisp white, the contrast against his tan skin made your throat dry.
But it’s his face that really leaves you breathless.
His heavy brow bone, sharp and prominent, is even more pronounced under the chandelier lights. Shadows pooled in the hollows of his brow, making his already intense features twice as alluring. And his eyes—
God, his eyes.
Wait he looks really pissed.
His usually kind blue eyes looked unsettling, flashing wisps of black and gold. Did Bob always look like he was wearing eyeshadow or was it just today?
His gaze flicks from your face to your phone, then back.
He’d seen you ignore the call.
For a second, you brace waiting for him to say something, to call you out right there and then. But instead, Bob just… turns away but not before you see something raw flicker across his face, you just cant figure out what.
You text him a few times, a flurry of messages explaining you were in the middle of something important and were going to call him back, you promise.
Bob just replies with a thumbs up and tells you not to worry about it.
That somehow makes you feel worse than if he'd told you off.
The rest of the evening is fine, you have fun stuffing your face with courgette tarts but are worried about what to do when you get home. You’re leaving for Ulaanbaatar tomorrow morning and really don’t want to leave on a bad note.
The team was beat by the time the night was over, you all piled into your cabs and single-filed your way up to your rooms.
You’re two steps into yours when Bob lightly pushes his way in before the door closes.
“Hey”
His voice soft.
You turn, and there he is, still in that damn suit, his sleeves rolled up to his forearms. Was he trying to make you pass out on purpose? His eyes are tired, not angry. It makes you feel guilty, you’d have prefered him to be angry.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” he states.
Not an accusation.
Just a fact.
You swallow. “I’ve been busy. The mission prep—”
“Don’t.” He exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. “Don’t do that. Not with me.”
You want to look away, but his gaze is so strong it feels like the room is falling away and all you can see is him.
“You haven’t hung out with me in weeks.” he says “You stopped eating breakfast with me, you did a U-turn in the hallway when you saw me last week and I know that you hate pottery so whats going on?” a pause, he looks nervous “Did I do something?”
Your chest aches “No. It’s not you.”
“Then what is it?”
You open your mouth, but nothing comes out. How could you explain? That every time you saw him with Lily, laughing at some joke you weren’t part of, it felt like he was ripping your heart out with his bare hands. That you were supposed to be over him, but you weren’t, and it was eating you alive?
Before you can force out another lie, Bob’s breath hitches. He can see the cogs turning in your head, attempting to lie to him again.
Wait, was the air in the room becoming thicker or was it the stress of the situation settling into your body?
His hands clenches. His pupils dilate—too wide, too gold.
Gold? Shit.
“Bob—” You step forward, but he staggers back, not wanting to touch you, bracing himself against the wall. His knuckles turning white where they grip the plaster, cracks begin to form under his palm.
That was not good.
“I don’t understand what the fuck your problem is! You go f-from telling me you aren’t avoiding me and that we’re such great friends to complete silence. I just, I don’t know what I did to make you upset with me.” his voice tapers off as he lowers his hands from the wall, the anger and frustration leaving his body only to be replaced with the sinking feeling of dread that maybe you really didn’t care for him.
“Hey, sweetheart I think we should both just calm down I’ll-“
“NO, no I won’t, I refuse to be ignored. We’ve devoted ourselves to you, don’t you see that!!” his voice is hoarse and it sounds as if all three of them, Void, Sentry and, Bob are shouting at you.
His body begins shaking and before you can even think you and Bob are completely gripped by the inky black tendrils of the Void.
The Void swallows you whole.
You land on your knees in a familiar place.
“No, no, not here, not again” you whine.
Maria Hill stands to your left, frozen in time.
You missed her, you missed her more than anything.
But you refused to live through it again, you worked so hard to come to terms with that day and it was a low blow for him to show you the room that you’d already worked so hard to leave a year before.
The scene changes and she’s there, right in front of you, bleeding out on the concrete.
Again.
And again.
“You like pulling cheap shots every time you force me to come here?” you scoff, sure the place scares you, but you calm yourself when you remember that Bob is stronger than whatever torture the Void is willing to put you through.
He’ll be here, you know he will.
“It worked on you last time, what’s the harm with trying twice?” a static-like voice whispers out from behind you.
The dark figure steps out in front of you, gripping your arm so tightly you can feel your muscle and bone press grind together. Despite the pain, you can feel him.
Feel Bob.
His presence calms you enough to stop struggling with the vice like force on your body.
You reach out, holding his face. The action angers him. You can’t see him but feel his features curl into a snarl.
“You think that a pathetic fucking human being like you can touch me or calm him? You think he dreams of you or thinks of you even a fraction of the amount you do.” his grip tightens even futher.
“Even the team, they think you’re dead weight, they tolerate you. Nothing more”
Suddenly Bob appears and he’s not alone.
He’s got an arm around Lily, whispering something in her ear and kissing her so deeply it feels innapropriate to observe.
You try to look away but his hand, Bob’s hand, grips your jaw leaving you unable to turn your head.
The Void purrs, his tone amused "He pities you and wants your attention because he’s bored, once he has her do you think he’ll care? He’s too kind to tell you to fuck off"
The Void senses your sudden hurt and latches on.
Digging deeper, he flashes every humiliating memory of yours—failed training sessions, missions where you froze and fucked up, anything that would make you hurt. "You’re a placeholder," he hisses, "a charity case. And the worst part? You know it." 
The shame burns so deep you can’t breathe, can’t think, and as you begin to find your voice to tell him that you didn’t care and he’d had misjudged your reaction, the Void delivers a final blow.
His face flickers to resemble Bob "You really thought I could ever want you?" It’s so cruel and something within you is so caught off guard at the sight of Bob that you believe him.
The Void’s glee is palpable.
And then a voice cuts through the dark.
“Enough”
Bob.
Your Bob.
He stands at the edge of the nightmare, his eyes are blown open and wild, his hands clenched like he’s holding up the weight of the world
The midnight world suddenly splinters.
You wake up and the room is shaking, no wait, the room isnt shaking its you.
Bob’s crouched in front of you, his face concerned and he cradles your head in his arms “I didn’t—I didn’t mean for that to happen. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Your pain and fear is so strong you feel like you could collapse. You want to run away and scream, call out to everyone to take you away and lock you up somewhere that it couldn’t find you.
But you don’t dwell on those feelings, you know Bob, he must be devestated that he pulled you into the Void.
Your tone is soft as you push youself up “Hey, hey look at me. It wasn’t your fault, how were you supposed to know the big guy would come out so quickly.”
“But I let him hurt you-”
You stop him “Don’t, don’t say anything. Look we need to take you to the med bay now j-just don’t say anything please, just don’t.”
Bob stares at you—hurt, guilty, devastated—but he doesn’t protest.
You both hobble down to the med bay in silence and you cant help but wonder if he remembered what you both had been speaking about before or your hidden shame.
You really hope he hadn’t.
You’d called Yelena down on your way, telling her the other guy had come out to play for a bit and Bob was shaken up. She’d raced down as quickly as she could to relieve you of your babysitting duty.
Outside of the med bay, you speak to her in hushed tones while balancing the entire weight of your body on her, exhaustion setting in.
“You ok?” she strokes your hair as you tremble.
“Yeah I just, I need sleep.” she doesn’t press you for answers and you’re grateful. One small kiss to her head and you decide you’re ready to leave.
You glance back at Bob through the door, he’s already looking at you, pensive. You smile reassuringly and can visibly see his shoulders slump down in relief.
You leave but not after throwing another gummy smile and a thumbs up at the man.
The morning comes too soon, you’re still upset from the events of the night, but that doesn’t mean you can just shirk your responsibilities.
You’re packed and out the door before the sun fully rises, meeting John and Alexei downstairs. They don’t ask why your hands won’t stop shaking or why your eyes are so bloodshot.
As the engines hum to life, you glance back at the Tower one last time.
Project Get Over Bob was a complete bust.
Hey guys, hope that this chapter has you guy’s as excited as I am to continue on to the final part of this fic! Sorry for not adding a taglist to this fic but there were a lot of replies and I didn’t think I could get through them!
If you have any tips for fic writing pls follow me I’m always looking to improve.
I hope the writing style isn’t too different, I’m still trying to find my style and footing when it comes to this stuff!
The next chapter will be filled with plenty of comfort and maybe something a bit cheekier if you catch my drift!
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discordkittenterumi · 10 months ago
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do you ever feel a little bit ill over something you literally wrote
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