#it feels like saying dean doesn't deserve to be saved

[starstiels]

thinking about sam and cas trying to free dean from michael and jack telling cas that if dean can't be saved then they need to accept that they'll have to kill him.

he tells cas.. who is dean's savior, who raised him from hell, who immediately clocked that dean doesn't think he deserves to be saved. who, time and time again, has dropped everything to save him. to prove to him that he does deserve to saved.

[scoobydoodean]

The thing is that when Cas first laid a hand on Dean in hell he was lost, and not actually because "For the first time, I feel". Cas had felt before he knew Dean. We know this because we know Cas had rebelled before. Naomi tells us Cas never did as he was told—that Cas had a "Crack in the chassis straight off the line" (something Chuck later echoes in a rage).

Cas's rebellion is far older than Dean and that rebellion is a function of what he feels. Cas just doesn't get to remember feeling. Each time he does, he's stripped of the memory of it... but subconsciously he starts to understand it as something he must keep secret.

Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?

Cas is in love with humanity, and we conflate this with Dean because Dean is the narrative heart, and the subject of Cas's greatest love, and because the concept of humanity and Dean are so deeply linked they're almost one in the same. We are not at all wrong to conflate the two, but make no mistake—Cas is in love humanity.

You misunderstand me, Dean, I’m not like you think. I was praying that you would choose to save the town.

Cas calls humanity a work of art, and the camera pans to Dean sitting on the bench beside him. Dean represents humanity. Not just as precious works of art, but also because humans get to feel. Humans don't get lobotomized for feeling. Dean encourages Cas to feel. He encourages Cas to feel by asking him to—begging him to, and by feeling for others, and by existing and deserving to be loved himself.

Dean echoes free will to Cas like a call from the wild. He's the beauty of humanity. He's the liberation and beautiful terror of choice. The reason "You always have a choice" and "There is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it" works is because Cas already feels, already hopes, already loves.

You were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible camp. Help me -- now. Please.

The function by which Dean gets through to Cas is through Cas's own feelings and convictions. He gets through because Cas is "not a hammer, as you say". Cas has questions. Cas has doubts.

Cas is in love with humanity, and every time he remembers it, he gets packed off to Bible Camp and he forgets. But he can remember again. What it takes is a push. What it takes is a hand reached out in the darkness. The day Cas rescued Dean from hell, two people were saved. A hand clawed out toward Cas too, breaking through his own torturous prison and offering him escape. For the first time in a long time, he felt.

Dean's importance is that he touches Cas. He makes Cas remember. And he keeps making Cas remember. Through touch, through words, through the expression of his own affection for Cas and for others. Because Dean cares, Cas cares.

[burningvelvet]

more rambling thoughts about wuthering heights now that i've finished my re-read

1 wuthering heights is basically the looney tunes if the looney tunes were goth. 90% of the novel is people arguing, dying, and running around threatening to kill each other, and often all three of those at once.

2 love how it's filled with dark humor. "he's such a cobweb, a pinch would annihilate him" is such a camp thing to say about the terminally ill child you abhor and who you spend weeks trying to set up on dates with your dead lover's child so you can steal her property when your son finally dies. heathcliff lecturing his son on Seduction 101 right in front of cathy 2.0, trying ridiculously to play cupid and compel them to fall in love with each other before giving up and just kidnapping her instead... surely he's the most insane brontë man?

3 i can't remember what i had for dinner last night but nelly dean can remember what the weather was like on any given friday twenty years ago (love her and her snarky comments)

4 love how after nelly finishes telling the story to lockwood she's like "any way. so you know cathy 2.0 is single right ;)))" and then cathy 2.0 shows zero interest in him. so then he's like "oh i just remembered i have somewhere to be :/" then fucks off to london for nearly a year then when he comes back nelly is like "nvm as it turns out cathy and hareton are actually soulmates lol who knew! gee, it's a good thing she didn't like you!" and he's just silently suffering. emily was just fucking around here. hindley was the only linton/earnshaw/heathcliff who was wild enough to marry someone who didn't share either his gene pool or his neighborhood.

5 i imagine joseph to look like smeagol from the lotr films but taller

6 [heathcliff, after stabbing his alcoholic arch nemesis and then pushing his servant into the puddle of the blood] "Wash that stuff away; and mind the sparks of your candle—it is more than half brandy!” LMAO

7 this opinion list is just turning out to be a list of the most insane heathcliff moments but truly the novel should've just been called "heathcliff"

8 heathcliff's weird paternal feelings for hareton, saving hareton's life, him saying he would truly love him if only he wasn't hindley's child, basically giving hareton his blessing to love cathy 2.0 toward the end... so oddly endearing

9 heathcliff walking out just before the "i am heathcliff" part of her speech. why WHY

10 hindley protecting isabella from heathcliff before she flees was nice and i wish we saw more of their dynamic around the heights. honestly aside from the child neglect (which is par for the course in wuthering heights) hindley is a pretty sympathetic character; his rivalry with heathcliff was fueled by both sides and truly the fault of their father for pitting them against each other by letting heathcliff usurp hindley's place of favoritism as a boy. hindley's gambling and drinking, his general dissipation and failure to secure his son's future, are all tragic.

11 i think hindley/edgar/heathcliff are all interesting foils for each other; they each lose the women they love and are left to be single fathers, and each responds to the task totally differently. if we include mr. earnshaw, all the fathers in the story essentially fail their children after all the mothers die. hindley and heathcliff have a special parallel through their lifelong brotherly competition, the women they love both dying in childbirth, and in their own deaths. hindley slowly kills himself while ignoring everyone around him; heathcliff also kills himself, but only after trying to systematically ruin the lives of everyone around him. they also say that they want to kill each other but fail when they try; heathcliff nearly kills hindley but ends up saving his life at the last minute.

12 heathcliff jr. is so terrified of heathcliff sr. and so traumatized and petrified by fear and he doesn't deserve the hate he gets for being annoying. he's been sheltered his whole life, his mother just died, he was sent to his uncle/cousin only to be immediately torn away from them to be abused by a stranger who treats him horribly, he's terminally ill, he's still a kid, he's threatened into marrying someone he barely knows, etc.

13 if any of you have seen the british comedy show "the young ones" that's literally hindley's household in wuthering heights when joseph/hareton/hindley/heathcliff/isabella all live together. the filth, the slop for dinner, the petty games, the violence, the fierce hatred yet weird loyalty to each other, etc.

14 i really wonder how cathy would have reacted to heathcliff's treatment of everyone else if only she had known the full details (ie his harsh abuse of isabella, his son, cathy 2.0, etc.)

15 heights was my first brontë novel but i think i like jane eyre and tenant better now that i've read them all back to back! next on the list is likely agnes gray. anne, my underrated queen!

[callunavulgari]

Top 25 Fics of 2023

1. whatever you want by Wildehack (tyleet) | Wolf 359 | Kepler/Jacobi | 5k

Kepler doesn't fuck him that first day, when Daniel swallows his pride like it's a hot coal he can feel boiling down to the pit of his stomach and dials the number left on the card. Heather Says: Back in 2017, Wolf 359 changed my life. I relisten to it every year. I reread fic. I sometimes write it. And THIS year, I was blessed with one of my favorites writing my favorites from Wolf 359. It's honestly exactly what I wanted out of a Wolf 359 fix it/coda.

2. god was a dog-man by @andthepeople | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 13k

“Do you have a secret teenage son?” Stiles demands, as soon as Derek opens the door. Heather Says: I did NOT watch the Teen Wolf movie this year. I did, however, relentlessly stalk reaction posts and (very select) gifsets. I also read this fantastic fic, which is now the movie in my brain because since I didn't see it, I'll never know.

3. then out of nowhere, somebody comes and hits you with an ooh la la la, ooh la la la, ooh la la la, ooh by @calciseptine | Deadpool | Peter/Wade | 49k

A man with spider-themed superpowers accidentally breaks into Wade's apartment. Heather Says: Deadpool is one of those fandoms that I'm technically a part of because I like it and I think Spiderman and Deadpool is both hilarious and hot, but it's always just on the edge of my peripherals. But sometimes Steve's fic just kind of creeps on me and demands my attention. This was my feel good fic this spring.

4. By the Laws of Magic by Lenore | The Sandman | Dream/Hob | 32k

It’s 1959, and Hob Gadling is working at a London auction house, amazing his colleagues with his uncanny knowledge of art and artifacts from the 14th century on. When he gets the assignment to catalogue a family library at a place called Fawney Rig, he looks forward to a working vacation in the country. What he finds is a house with a preternatural chill where odd disturbances happen daily, an ornate carved door with a secret clearly hidden behind it, and visions of his mysterious stranger every time he turns around. Heather Says: I honestly love this ship. The fairy tale elements combined with the very compelling idea that in another universe much like this one, Hob Gadling ends up saving Dream from his glass prison made for some truly great fiction.

5. Dawnshot Through the Heart by @sirnotappearinginthisblog | Wax&Wayne series | Wax/Wayne | WIP | 80k

Ten years ago, Wayne fled instead of letting himself get arrested for murder. He’s been an outlaw ever since, keeping one step ahead of the lawkeepers who want him dead or alive—especially Dawnshot. But his luck was bound to run out eventually, and he knows how it always ends for the Bad Guys in stories. Heather Says: I think that this is the only WIP on here but I cannot rightfully leave it off because I LOVED this fic this year. I love the Mistborn series, but I've never really sought out fic for it before. This one though, this one found me. The writing is SUPERB and I wish it was a bigger fandom because it deserves so much love, you guys. It's so so so good. I love Wax and Wayne's dynamic in the series. They're great. But also- what if they had an enemies to lovers thing going on that turned poly? WHAT IF?!

6. One Size Fits All by @entanglednow | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 65k

Steve just wanted to do something nice for a friend, he doesn't mean to get Eddie's ring stuck on his finger, and it's definitely not his fault that everyone he knows is jumping to conclusions. Heather Says: This is not the last time that you will see this author or this ship on this list. I really would have thought that Steddie would have crept out of my brain right now, but NOPE. And part of that is because every couple weeks entanglednow drops an absolute BANGER of a fic that obliterates my brain for anything else.

7. you are spring by @wildehacked | Supernatural | Castiel/Dean | 20k

God makes a wish. His parents work some things out. Heather Says: I got very close to leaving this one off the list, not because it wasn't good or that it wasn't one of my top 25 but purely because I've been out of the Supernatural fandom for so many years. I mean, c'mon. I didn't watch the last FIVE seasons. However, getting to follow along wildehacked's rewatch journey on twitter was a blast from the past and then THIS lovely shining fic that they churned out lured me back in for one last nibble at this ship that took over my life for the better part of a decade. It is so incredibly amazing and since I never finished the series, I will happily go on pretending that this is how it ended.

8. Interim by starkraving | BotW/TOtK | Ganondorf/Link/Zelda | 95k

She has no throne. Girls without thrones should not have knights, but hers won’t go. Princess Zelda – the girl who killed Calamity – would love to fade into legend, but Link’s bought a house, he’s fighting off monsters, and he’s selling giant horses to strangely familiar Gerudo men. She'll never have any peace now. Heather Says: This fic. THIS FIC. Is so richly built. Is so intoxicating. It leans into found family. You spend chapter after chapter watching Zelda and Link traverse Hyrule with the hot Gerudo that they met along the way after the events of the first game. And it is so fucking compelling. Honestly, while I'm happy that they smooched, I would have been completely fine reading another 100k of just these three wandering Hyrule together, being absolute goblins. 10 out 10, will read again.

9. one hundred years past by tciddaemina | BotW/TotK | Ganondorf/Link | 38k

Link wakes up a century early. It changes everything. Heather Says: Can you tell that playing Tears of the Kingdom left me desperately thirsty for any and all Ganondorf content this summer? I'm a sucker for all sides of the poly triforce but I'll admit that Ganondorf and Link scratches that enemies to lovers itch PERFECTLY if it's done well. And this one is done well.

10. Step Right Up by entanglednow | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 3k

Steve had mostly given up on trying to meet anyone new after everything, but it's been six months and his friends had started giving him pointed nudges to get out there again. Heather Says: Told you it wouldn't be the last you saw of entanglednow. I actually think that this might be my favorite fic that they've written? Which is saying a lot because I will scream it to the rafters that any Steddie fan should read their fic. But this is FUN HOUSE MIRROR MAZE and MISTAKEN IDENTITY KISSING. Guys, I have no chill about this fic. I have no chill about Steve's hands in Eddie's hair, or the sounds that he makes, or the smell of strawberry. It is just so so good.

11. the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 35k

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?” Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth. Heather Says: I genuinely do not think that I have words for this one. It is one of those all encompassing fics that sucks you in and just won't spit you out again. It hurts, an ache just under the breastbone. But god, it's so beautiful.

12. Fight Night by @rlnerdgirl | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 12k

Stiles starts fighting in college. He doesn't tell anyone. Heather Says: There are three...? Yeah, three Teen Wolf fics on this list. Three. Like it's 2015 again. Like my brain broke and time went ticking all the way back to when I was ridiculously invested in these characters. But honestly? All three Teen Wolf fics on this list are incredibly therapeutic. They get to be the ending for me instead of whatever clusterfuck good ole Jeff tried to pull. This one in particular is fantastic because it's canon-divergence after SEASON one. Yes, we have Erica and Boyd. Yes, Stiles is BAMF. It's a good read.

13. strange fear i ain’t felt for years by Sister | Batman | Tim/Jason | 31k

“Can’t believe a pretty thing like you has to come begging to the Red Hood,” he says against Tim’s neck. “Thought they’d be lining up down the block for you. Thought Daddy would need to get the shotgun.” Heather Says: Oh look, another ship and fandom that I was only peripherally aware of that had me in a chokehold for a good month and a half. I don't even like DC that much.

14. Silver-Tongue by starkraving | Baldur's Gate 3 | Astarion/Karlach | 9k

Astarion fast-talks an abnormal number of enemies into killing themselves in the shadow-cursed lands and the team makes idle (then less idle) conversation about it. Heather Says: Okay, so I STILL have not finished this game. I have however very carefully consumed as much content as I can get my hands on without being completely and totally spoiled. This was the first fic that I really loved in this fandom. It's no surprise that I ship Astarion happily with everyone, but damn is he good with Karlach in this one. Their characterization is perfect.

15. A Sign of The Morning by ToEdenandBackAgain | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 86k

Vecna is dead. The Upside Down is cut off from Hawkins yet again. Steve is trying to go back to normal, whatever that is. He's also trying to figure out exactly how Eddie Munson has managed to fit so easily into his life. Heather Says: Honestly? What can I say about this one? It has 19,000 kudos despite being published last June. It's on a ridiculous number of collection/rec lists. The tension is exquisite. The found family? Even better.

16. Phantom of Truth by Haiju | Danny Phantom | Maddie Fenton & Danny Fenton | 58k

Locked away in a secret government lab with Phantom as her sole object of study, nothing stands between Maddie and the truth... except, perhaps, herself. Heather Says: Oh look, another fandom that I have never ever been a part of. I saw this REALLY NEAT and angsty tiktok (tw for ghosty gore) and basically immediately was sucked into a show that I've never even watched before. The comments lead me to this fic which is perfectly gen, angsty, and honestly absolutely perfect. I cannot get over how much I loved this.

17. Manacled by senlinyu | Harry Potter | Draco/Hermione | 370k

Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Heather Says: I did the thing. I read the incredibly dark fic that I've been avoiding since 2018. I typically steer-clear of anything that is overly bleak and I do not tiptoe into non-con waters often. But one of our groomsmen who isn't even involved with fandom read this so that his girlfriend would watch Star Wars with him and then spent a good portion of a Halloween party talking it up. So I gave it a shot. Over all, it is too bleak for me. That said, I finished it in a weekend. I loved it. I hated it. I wish I'd broken it up over a longer period of time because the emotional bleed off of it was intense.

18. Ready for Love by @idiopathicsmile | Singin in the Rain | Cosmo/Kathy/Don | 12k

Don and Kathy would move in together. They would have a dog or two and then inevitably, a small parade of adorable little brats who would call him Uncle Cosmo, and they would spend less and less time with him, not on purpose but busy with the rest of their lives, and ultimately Cosmo would learn to make his peace with it because he’d have no other choice and he would have to try to move on and not live too much in his memories. He could picture it so clearly, he figured if the songwriting gig with Monumental didn’t pan out, he could always return to the backwater circuit with a new act: The Amazing Cosmo of the Cosmos—ladies and gentlemen, he sees the future, he reads the stars, he silently pines for his best married pal and all the while tap dancing! Don and Kathy inviting him along on their honeymoon, though—that part was a surprise. Heather Says: I LOVE this movie. It is one of my biggest comfort movies. I watch it to feel happy. I watch it when I'm sad. And I have always shipped these three but NEVER read fic for it. And honestly? I'm glad I waited for a good fic to find me because this one was perfect.

19. A Series of Forgettable Events by @trensu | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 27k

Steve wanted to be a dad more than anything. Unfortunately, he was a single dude in his thirties which meant no adoption agency in the world was willing to give him a chance. Or at least no human adoption agency. Heather Says: Honestly just a delightful little jaunt in a world where Steve wants to be a dad, Eddie is a very overprotective siren, and the kids are, well. Little horrors. I love it. There's a sequel now which I am very patiently waiting to read it until I am less busy in RL.

20. the dry sand of daylight by @andthepeople | Inception | Arthur/Eames | 15k

Arthur is married to Eames for the better part of a decade. Then he wakes up. Heather Says: This fic left me ACHING for the Inception fandom circa 2010-2012. When livejournal was still a thing and the fandom community was alive and thriving. It is so achingly tender and perfect. I had forgotten how much I loved them.

21. brutalist masterpieces by @greatunironic | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 12k

Ten years on, in a town in Nova Scotia, on the edge of the Atlantic, Eddie finds Steve again, and also maybe himself. Heather Says: Maybe that's my thing this year. Achingly sweet tender pieces that leave you reeling in the aftermath. This fic is SO incredibly beautiful.

22. What Made Milwaukee Famous by synthetica | Danny Phantom | Vlad/Danny | 30k

Ten years after establishing a tenuous truce, Danny crash-lands at Vlad's Milwaukee lakehouse with a particularly nasty wound, three days recovery time, and absolutely nothing to do but talk to his long-lost archnemesis. Heather Says: I'm told that this is something of a rarepair. However, from the limited information that I have from the series I can say with full certainty that two ghostly beings locked for years as enemies growing up and meeting in the middle? Fully my thing.

23. then now and always by @raisesomehale | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 13k

Stiles is stuck. Stiles is stuck in the fucking snow in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere at night with a broken down car three days before Christmas, and the nearest tow truck company—over fifty miles away—doesn’t open until morning. Heather Says: And here we have the promised third Teen Wolf fic, the most cathartic of the bunch. I am so so sweet on future fic particularly in this fandom with missed chances. And this one is just so syrupy sweet. It's winter! There's horses! Derek's an alpha! They smooch. Anyway, this is how I cope with a series finale that didn't happen and a movie that doesn't exist.

24. Terminus by @rcmclachlan | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 4k

"Keep me here," he begs against Mobius's lips. "You must keep me here." Heather Says: What do you mean you didn't spend all three replays of the Loki series finale weeping into a pillow? What do you mean you didn't spend the next few days trying to find the perfect coda? What do you mean that you didn't find this fic and positively expire from the sheer fucking tenderness in Mobius' voice? What do you mean? What. do you. mean? Anyway, I know I'm not supposed to have number one favorites. This list exists because I cannot condense it further than 25. But guys, this was my favorite fic this year.

25. Eye Of The Beholder by @entanglednow | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 22k

Eddie works himself up to ask Steve if he can borrow his instant camera, because the type of pictures he wants to take are…not the kind he can get developed in town. Heather Says: And to round it out, another Steddie. This one with sexy photos. The tension is killer.

[angelsdean]

i love when canon dean talks back to john (because yea! he does that!) and tells it to him how it is and calls him out for never answering the goddamn phone and leaving them in the dark abt everything and when he proves he's not a 'yessir' mindless soldier and says "no sammy actually dad's full of crap" and when he acknowledges to himself in his own mind that john was a shit father and dean didn't deserve what was put on him and i love when complicated emotions pass over his face at the mention of john and his eyes dim a bit or he tries to smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes and i also love that it's complicated and "he tried his best" but his best wasn't enough and dean knows it and he had to be a father and a mother and "i hate you. and i love you. because you're my [dad]" because yes that quote absolutely applies to john as much as mary bc dean is so full of love and he can and does both love and hate his parents. and i love when dean hugs john with tears in his eyes and looks like a little kid even at 26. even at nearly 40. and i love when he takes john's jacket and i love when he uses it as a blanket despite sleeping on a motel bed with blankets because despite everything that jacket was likely the closest thing to a comfort object dean had growing up and it always smelled like whiskey and leather and gunpowder but john draped it over them when they slept in the back seat of the impala and it wasn't enough, it was never enough, and it didn't really keep him all that warm, but it was something. and dean wears it years and years later thinking maybe he can find something of his father in the shape of that jacket. sometimes it feels like those hugs he rarely got after age four. and i love that when he's told john is right down the road, after drinking his shitty beer, he leaves to find a better version of his parents (and no doubt he's also looking for a certain angel) and i love that when he finds them, when he saves them, he looks at his 19 yr old father, who is not the man who hurt him, who may never become that man in this universe, and he smiles, and he wishes them well and he give his parents the tools to be better and write a better story. anyways, i love the complicated way dean both loves and hates his father

[startanewdream]

Set after Harry and Ginny's first kiss.

The door closes behind Neville — he mumbles something about forgetting a book in the Common Room that, for once, Harry does not find credible — and then it's just Harry, Ron and the silence in the dormitory.

It's not that Harry dreads this moment — he knows that Ron won't kill him, at least, and there was that nod that had to mean things would be right between them — but he supposed it would take longer. Days in the future, maybe, because having this talk with Ron is not how he wanted this perfect day to end — he would gladly stay with Ginny, hands linked, learning and giggling and just basking in that sunlit feeling that kissing her brings him—

And then a cough brings him back to reality, and Harry blinks, flushing. Ron is busy changing into his pyjamas, not looking in Harry's direction, but perhaps Ron could read his thoughts after all.

Or not. Considering how long Harry had been dreaming about Ginny, Ron would have said something before. Some dreams were quite... intense.

He mimics Ron, deciding that maybe readying himself for bed is the best idea. He just wants to lay in his bed, close his eyes, and relive every moment of the day, save it, rejoice it—every moment with Ginny has to be his new favourite memory...

"So—you and Ginny."

With his head halfway inside the shirt and with thoughts of Ginny's lips (warm smile, infectious laugh, deep kisses), this is not the best way to start this conversation.

He struggles to put on his shirt, and with his glasses all askew, he can't see Ron's face.

"Ginny and I," agrees Harry, in the most solemn voice he can manage. "We are dating."

He meant it to be formal, like a proper way to introduce himself as Ginny's boyfriend to a member of her family, but the fact he is dating Ginny overwhelms him and then that grin that had been his favourite expression takes control of his features.

Fortunately, Ron doesn't seem to find it offensive. If anything, with his glasses in place now, Harry would guess Ron looks... amused.

"Hermione told me you had a crush on Ginny for ages," he says. "I hadn't noticed it."

"I took a while to notice it myself," admits Harry. Ron nods as if he also understands how someone can be blind to their own feelings.

There is a moment of silence. Harry sits patiently, grin under control; and then Ron smirks.

"Did you see Dean's face?"

Harry isn't particularly proud to find himself smirking also.

"Oh, he got what he deserved," adds Ron, and there's a laugh that Harry follows heartily, feeling lighter than ever. Then Ron sobers up. "Will I find you and Ginny snogging behind tapestries?"

Harry thinks about the sun reflecting on Ginny's hair, and her perfume mixing with the spring flowers on the grounds. "Not a chance," he says honestly.

"Good. I would rather not see it."

That's a bold comment considering all of Ron's story with Lavender, but Harry will let it slip this time.

There's a moment of silence, but happily not an uncomfortable one. Harry lays down, eyes widened, looking to the starry sky outside and remembering how he and Ginny saw the first stars appearing in the sky, and how he traced constellations in her freckles and how she laughed and they kissed—

Ron coughs. "I'm not really tired," he says, bringing Harry painfully back to reality. "Do you wanna play a game of Exploding Snap?"

"Sure."

As Ron moves to grab the cards, he adds in a nonchalant voice: "You do realise that when I see you grinning now, I will know you are thinking about my sister."

"I may be grinning a lot from now on," Harry says fairly.

Ron shrugs. "It's better than when you are brooding," he says, and as Harry picks up his cards, he thinks he can agree with Ron on this one.

[dotster001]

HCs for Ace, Deuce, and Epel with a reader like Toa Qelsum from Court of Darkness? I just think the chaos that will ensue with another uptight mf would be fun to read about

CW:Mentions of raising a family in Epel's part

3k followers event Masterlist

Other Versions: Rio Voleri Reader Dia Akedia Reader Lance Ira Reader-coming soon

God, you're such a stick in the mud. A high achiever, smart, and a strict rule follower? Barf. He's so happy that you were busy doing your…teleportation trick or whatever when he was hiding at the entrance ceremony cause he knows you would have ratted him out. He has no doubt you would've been sorted into Heartslaybul…for all the "wrong" reasons.

That said…there's something intriguing about the look behind your eyes. A look that screams, "I want to have fun! But no one has ever let me!" And Ace decides he's going to save you. By being the one to break you.

The rest of in game events proceed as normal, cause Ace will always be Ace. He still is an ass, he still causes trouble, he still makes you his best friend, still drops cryptic lines like "who knew you'd be my type, kidding ha ha!"

Is there any world, any mc, any Y/N, where Ace wouldn't fall for you? Be honest.

It's a "when did we start dating? Who the fuck knows they never even asked me out" kind of thing.

He's trying to break you so hard man. He's the devil in your ear, whispering about how wouldn't it just be…so fun if you stole that last slice of strawberry tart that Riddle thought he'd safely hidden in the freezer. He brings out the absolute worst in you…but sometimes you bring out the best in him.

You're the honors student he's always wanted to be. You really get your connection when he asks you to start tutoring him. You're hard on him, but it only makes him strive to do better! He doesn't want to let his favorite teacher down!

Ace teases him for months about how he's such a simp for you, and gets all blushy anytime you tell him he did a good job. Deuce tells him to shut his fucking mouth every single time. Until one fateful day. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but they don't come forward. Instead, his mind is filled with thoughts of you, your big brain, your soft smile. He reflects on his best friend and favorite teacher. And then it's all over for poor Deuce.

Naturally he does the honors student thing. He avoids you. He's terrible at it, but he does his best. Until one day, you show up and berate him for neglecting his responsibilities, and your friendship. In the midst of it, he goes delinquent mode, and angrily confesses his love. At your shock, he apologizes and is sweet again. And how can you say no to sweet Deuce?

Deuce becomes much more of a snuggle bug when you're dating. You still tutor him, but now reward him with kisses when he gets answers right, and makeout and cuddle sessions when his grades improve. 

Under your tutelage, he makes the dean's list. And ends school as an honors student, just as he dreamed. His mom couldn't love you any more.

You and Vil seem to have some sort of unspoken feud. Epel is living for it. Neither of you is ever outright hostile to the other, but the vibes…oof. It's like two very dominant personalities who should never have been left to try and work together. Epel is mad for you.

Lures you in with apple crumble 😉 

Once you're hooked onto him through your sweet tooth, he is able to express his admiration for you. He also has a dominant personality. But for you, he's willing to chill out a little. 

He's such an enabler. Oh sevens, anytime something about Vil pisses you off, he pushes you a step further. Sometimes, If Vil says something that hurts his pride a little bit, he'll stretch the truth, just to watch you go off on him. Sevens, he loves it. He can't help but feel so protected.

He takes you to visit his family with him…and is devastated when you're shocked by how kind and loving his family is. You deserve that love too! Meemaw unofficially adopts you as an extra grandkid, and makes sure that you get all the loving you have missed out on. Epel hopes you can trust him enough to have a family of your own one day, even if it is a small one.

[wolvesandfoxes25]

The beauty of forgiveness..and how it tied together two storylines.

So, I did make a post on Jean saving Reiner but as I cooked dinner tonight, I thought back to one of my main otps...Destiel. And how Castiel saved Dean from hell. And...I thought back to Jean saving Reiner, and it clicked in my brain. Like a bulb flicking on.

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt gif from AOT and talk of suicidal ideation. PWC (proceed with caution.)

Anyway, we all know that Reiner was suicidal in Season 4. He was being eaten alive by guilt.. Not only that, but his ENTIRE life had been a lie. Not to mention, he was the only one in his group to return home. There's a lot of layers to Reiners tragic character. Self hatred, survivors guilt, insomnia, PTSD, weight loss, etc.)

All of these events came from him waiting for death.

First gif was after the declaration of war. He wasn't going to fight, he was waiting for it to all be over. He even says.."Just let me...die in peace." Suicidal ideation.

Second one..he attempts suicide. The ONLY thing that stops him from pulling that trigger was Falco and the future child warriors. That's it.

Third one: Waiting for Falco to eat him after Zeke transforms everyone. Didn't fight, or struggle, just wanted to be eaten and done. That's suicidal ideation.

Honestly, I could probably tack on more, but those were the BLATANT tries at killing himself. Not to mention, he allowed Jean to beat him to a bloody pulp and probably would've let him beat him to death, too. Yes, I said allowed.. he didn't make any sort of attempt to fight, didn't put his arms up, no shielding his face, nothing. He wanted that beating because he felt he deserved it. That's why he didn't fight back. Honestly, a part of me felt like he goaded Jean, he knows his temper (hair trigger) knows it's a sensitive subject. Knows nothing he says will make it better. And kept going, anyway. But that's just MY theory.

^^rough scene to watch. Because it makes Jean feel so fucking badly.

Part 2: Forgiven?

Jean says he forgives Reiner, but it still feels...empty? To me. But hell, maybe that's JUST me. Cause Reiner doesn't forgive himself. I think he's relieved to some degree that they UNDERSTAND the plight he, Annie and Bertolt went through. But is that forgiveness? Or just understanding?

Part 3: Reiner played a big part in Jeans story.

It's been established during training Reiner was held in high regard by the other scouts. Which is exactly what Reiner was trying to portray. A fake personality. A fake sense of security for those around him. And Jean wasn't impervious to this. He, like Reiner, had his own facade. Being a smart ass and overly confident. Which...as we know covered low self-esteem, low self worth and fear. Man, sounds like someone else we know, huh? Few things we know of Jean and Reiners childhoods..

Both bullied

Both 'sweet boys'

Both sensitive

Both mamas boys (I don't like Carina)

I'm gonna just add this. I LOVE how a lot of the men in this manga all really love their mothers. Jean, Eren, Armin, Levi, & Connie. I digress though.

Jean wanted to iminate Reiners' strength, perseverance, confidence, and skill.

^^bisexual panic 😋😋

"That beautiful bastard."

Continued on Post 2...

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

Maybe I’m the odd one out here but What is and What Should Never Be always absolutely destroys me. I weep for almost the entire episode.

Dean has a home. He has someone who loves him. His life is normal and safe. And I cry.

The way he looks at Mary when he sees her for the first time. The way he nearly crumbles when she says “I told you angels were watching over you”. And then he hugs her with everything he has. He’s so happy to be back with him mom, back in his childhood home. His mom makes him lunch and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He gets to mow the lawn like a normal person. The trunk of his car isn’t full of weapons. He’s just ordinary, and he’s so happy about it. So I cry.

And the way he hugs Jess? He only ever met the girl once but he knows how much she means to Sam. And he knows that losing her almost killed his brother. And so he hugs her as tight as he can, because he’s so thrilled that she’s alive and Sam is happy. And I cry.

But what also kills me is the way that Sam and his mom talk about Dean. They’re always asking if he’s been drinking. They’re suspicious of all of his actions and his affections. Maybe the version of Dean from this life wasn’t exactly on the straight and narrow, but they talk about him like he’s a deadbeat. So I cry.

Jesus Christ, and when Dean goes to talk to his dad at the cemetery?

“It's like my old life is… is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn't want me to be happy. Course I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball but... "So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? What about us, huh? What, Mom's not supposed to live her life? Sammy's not supposed to get married? Why do we have to sacrifice everything, Dad?”

He doesn’t say “why can’t I have the life I want?” Sure, he asks why he has to be a hero. But he makes it more about Sam and his mom. Because he wants them to have the lives they deserve. And this moment just gives us another look at what a bastard John was. Dean knew how dismissive and rude John would be. He knew that John would never choose his own son’s happiness over the lives of strangers. And he’d probably scream at Dean for even considering the “selfish” option. The way Dean says that his old life doesn’t want him to be happy also kills me. Because it’s like, no matter where he goes or what he does, he’s destined for misery. So I sob.

And so Dean goes to hunt the Djinn. He chooses the lives of others over everything, like he always does. And he realizes his new life isn’t real. He realizes he’s been unconscious this entire time, and that Jess is dead. His mom is dead. Carmen doesn’t really exist. And I cry.

So he’s ready to kill himself, but the way that his family tries to convince him to stay?

Oh my god. Spiegel im Spiegel starts playing, and Sam asks “why’d you have to keep digging?”

Mary tells him to put the knife down. She says it doesn’t matter that this life isn’t real, it’s still better than anything he had before. And that yeah, in real life, he will die in a few days. But it will feel like years. And there will be “No more pain. Or fear. Just love and comfort. And safety,” none of which Dean has in his real life

But Dean still chooses to return to his life, because he cares more about our saving people than he does about his own happiness.

And he tells Sam about the fake life the djinn created for him. About how Sam was happy with Jess. And their mom was going to have grandchildren. Sam commends him for having the strength to fight it, to leave it behind. And Dean says, “But I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad. I mean, ever since Dad... all I c– all I can think about is how much this job's cost us. We've lost so much. We've... sacrificed so much.”

and it’s like, damn. Why can’t Dean ever be truly happy? Cause even in this “happy” version of his life, everything was tinged with pain and sadness and grief. And I just wish he could get a break. So I cry and cry and cry and cry.

[franklespine]

Sam and Dean: trauma and self-loathing

I think a key difference between Sam and Dean is that while Sam believes he was born inherently evil and tainted, and so must spend his life redeeming and proving himself to win back agency and purity, Dean believes that he was born innocent and wrought by his actions into a force of violence that ruins everything he touches and us thus incapable of living a life of comfort.

And yes, it all comes back to what rests at the crux of their characterisations and trauma - the way they were raised.

Pre-Mary's death, Dean was a regular happy kid who had loving parents and a stable place to call home. This is the innocent child who deserved a family as a 'happy ending'.

Sam never experienced this life - his life was catalysed and born from a violent tragedy which he later learns had him as the true objective and target of. This is the tainted child chosen by demons and the devil himself, doomed since before conception, the 'cause' of his mother's death and so bears responsibility for tearing his family apart.

After Mary's death, John completely shuts down any emotional capacity to raise his children asides from a limited hyper-masculine way that requires their absolute obedience.

This starts a long chain of reactions that Dean considers as corrupting him from this innocent child - starting from his efforts to appease his father and receive the validation that he desperately wanted, as any young child does. Although he did not necessarily view it this way at the time, his life lacks commitment in all areas other than his family (particularly to Sam) and he resultingly becomes someone who is so unaccustomed to the comforts of a domestic, stable life where he lives for his own happiness, that he fails to cope with it as a knee jerk reaction. Yet still he wants his happy family ending in s4-5; as he says, when he pictures himself happy, it is with Lisa and Ben. But after living with them for a year doesn't work out at the start of s6 - mainly due to factors out of his control, but also his paranoia - he finds himself at the conclusion that he has been irreversibly wrought into a violent killer, and is someone who could never 'settle down' or be satisfied with a 'happy ending'. These ideas are then only reinforced in his mind as the narrative continues. In purgatory Dean guiltily takes satisfaction in the black and white distinction of kill or be killed that exists there. Then, he does something so borderline unforgivable to Sam in order to save him - tricks him into being possessed by Ezekiel, which spirals out of control as Ezekiel turns out to be Gadreel - that Dean refers to himself as 'poison' that damages everyone he cares about. This idea about his irrevocable corruption into a man that, much like his father, has little emotional capacity or expression other than aggression or self-sacrifice, is I feel, most solidified in his psyche by s10 through the mark of Cain. There exists this unsolvable question, which never actually gets solved by the narrative, of how much of his increasingly violent actions can be attributed to an accentuation of his aggressive nature, and how much can be attributed to what the mark 'makes' him do. Up to s11, Dean has progressively become a character that permeates self-loathing because he truly believes that although his hunting lifestyle is one that is inherently confining, he has convinced himself that it is the only one that he deserves and the only place he belongs. Interestingly enough, s11 concludes with Dean telling Amara of the lack-lustre effect of revenge and the futility of it, because the only thing that Dean has ever found to provide him solace or comfort is acts of goodness (saving people) and reconciliation (understanding and forgiving Sam, prioritising their relationship - as Chuck and Amara serve to parallel them).

[Note: although in theory this is a good development to his character, I think it would have been better serving as a parallel if Dean had later implemented his own advice with Sam by apologising for treating him as a monster and freak, distrusting him because of something inherent to his being that he can't control (demon blood), and the ultimate betrayal of tricking him into getting possessed by Gadreel to save him. That said, I don't say this to mean it as a criticism to Dean or to say that Sam doesn't also have things he should apologise to Dean for - but I think it would have served the narrative, both their characters, and the ideas that were almost carried through in a nuanced way in the s11 finale, by having the brothers truly apologise, listen and understand each other. Parallels only really work as an allegory if what is displayed in them plays out/is reflected in what they are paralleled to.]

Now, Sam on the other hand, his childhood was tumultuous and unstable at best, and he lacks any frame of reference to what a normal family dynamic should be. Unlike Dean who had this happy idealistic family lifestyle ripped away from him (or at least idealistic in the perspective of Sam and Dean), Sam has always been outside the house, looking in the windows and trying to imagine what it would be like. Although Dean tried his best to shield his younger brother from the monstrous reality of their world, Sam's early childhood was characterised by constant displacement and temporary bonds that he would have to form and reform over and over every time they moved. Yes, Dean protected him as best he could, but Dean was also a child, and so to Sam who didn't know any better, this doesn't feel like protection, but mistrust and isolation. Sam doesn't remember the unspeakable loss of Mary that shattered Dean and John - he hardly knows anything about her at all. He doesn't know why John keeps leaving them and they keep moving - even though it's obvious that Dean does. Although knowing did Dean no favours, to Sam it meant that the only conclusion to be made was that John and Dean didn't trust him, that he was an outsider in his own family as much as with anyone else. So although Sam is often presented as longing to be normal, to fit in with broader society who are on the greener side of the fence, on a deeper level what Sam really wants is not necessarily to be normal, but to belong and to be secure; more than anything within his own family. As he says in the pilot: "not normal, safe". To Sam, being a freak is the grain of sand at the centre of the pearl - especially in the early seasons. It is the use of the word 'freak' in association with him that triggers his chaotic, irrational anger, when hardly anything else does. Especially because deep down, he believes it to be true. This is demonstrated in a lot of ways, but one of the scenes that really encapsulates this to me is when Sam and Dean go to a psyche ward in s5 to hunt a wraith, unaware that this wraith poisons her victims, making them go crazy before she kills them. I think one of the purposes of this episode was, through this plot device, to show what triggers Sam and Dean - what is the straw that breaks the camel's back and how do they react when they are confronted with their worst fears about themselves. This culminates for Sam when he hallucinates the other patients mobbing him - getting pushed around as they call him a freak and a monster. This spurs Sam into irrationally lashing out, yelling at them to shut up as he thrashes and punches. This scene is so evocative because I don't believe this is the rage that simmers below Sam's calm and rational demeaner which he thinks of as a sign of his impending fall to darkness (see Born Under a Bad Sign), but a potent frustration and desperation to break out of his own inevitable fate of being an outsider - a freak.

From the beginning Sam has had this ritualistic, obsession with having to prove his goodness - believing himself to be inherently impure, and this drives a lot of his actions: from an insatiable need to save the people from his visions, killing Lilith, jumping in the Cage, wanting the suffering that the Trials entail to purify him, indifference to his ultimate death to close the gates of Hell, and believing his visions in s11 are from God wanting him to go back to the most abhorrent time in his life (the Cage).

Or such are my observations thus far in watching supernatural. There are some truly fascinating ideas in there, but unfortunately I don't think a lot of them are extrapolated to their full potential. This was just something that struck me about the brothers that I thought was compelling enough for me to want to articulate to the void. Would be interested in hearing other opinions and analysis tho.

[blacknidstang]

// some wincestiel thoughts

Maybe a bit of a Cas angst hour but you ever think about how Dean asked Cas to kill him over MoC because "Sam would never do that" and in S11 finale he asked Cas to look after Sam because "he's gonna be a mess ... Take care of him, don't let him do anything stupid" ??

So, it does say something funny because, one, this is quite a statement on how while Sam and Cas both do fall apart after Dean is gone but Sam is the one going off the rails, the dogged stubborn one who drags everyone into his mission of searching for Dean or finding a way to help him, (again MoC, then Demon Dean... S14.. etc etc)

This is not to say Cas doesn't WANT to save Dean but i always think how Sam literally being the LEADING role of Dean rescue squad gets overshadowed in fandom to the point that so many just forget.... Dean is loved by Sam. Wholly and irrecoverably. In fact there's no one Sam loves more than Dean, and I will say it right here and there, that nobody loves Dean more than Sam either. There's such a bizarre belief that Cas is the only person ever showing Dean some love. Insane stuff.

So anyhows, the second funny (tragic) thing is how Cas' grief is often sidelined, especially by Dean himself. Because none of the things i mentioned above means Cas is not madly devoted to Dean. YET, Dean assumes Cas can kill him, he assumes Cas should comfort Sam because he, as nonhuman angel of the lord doesn't need to be comforted, and i find that somewhat heartbreaking. The way when Dean accepts he is loved, he only sees that in one person, but it is far from the truth.

This is truly a tangled mess between the three of them because Cas is put in the backseat most of the time, sometimes Dean doesn't even SEE that Cas cares about him. He was right about how him and Sam sometimes forget everyone else because this was never supposed to be like this, because it was always supposed to be him and Sam against the world clinging to each other tight, but now there's this other person who abandoned his own house and family and cannot bear losing Dean, who is also hurt and grieving but Dean always ends up overlooking what he feels.

This somewhat brings me to the idea that maybe, MAYBE Sam unlike Dean does see it, and the Sam that is confident in Dean's love for him, will reach out to Cas and will comfort Cas and they do help each other in fact i am begging Carver to tell me about those missions Sam and Cas took together between s9 and 10 please man I know there's a point they can let each other in.

Anyway some thoughts because sometimes, sometimes i think Cas deserves some hug and acknowledgment for his loss too.

[scoobydoodean]

SAM Seriously? Atlantic City? DEAN Hell yeah! Play some roulette. Always bet on black. (pause) Hey listen, I've been doing some thinking. Um ... I want you to know I understand why you did it. I understand why you went after the crossroads demon. SAM sighs. DEAN You know, situation was reversed, I guess I'd've done the same thing. (pause) I mean I'm not blind, I see what you're going through with this whole deal, me going away and all that. But you're gonna be okay. SAM (looks up at that, exhales, says tonelessly) You think so. DEAN Yeah, you'll keep hunting, y'know, you live your life. You’re stronger than me. You are! (SAM clears his throat) you are... you'll get over it. But I want you to know I'm sorry, I’m sorry for... putting you through all this, I am. SAM You know what, Dean? Go screw yourself. DEAN What? SAM I don't want an apology from you! And by the way, I'm a big boy now, I can take care of myself. DEAN Oh, well, excuse me. SAM (voice raising) So would you please quit worrying about me? I mean that's the whole problem in the first place. I don't want you to worry about me, Dean, I want you to worry about you! I want you to give a crap that you’re dying! (DEAN says nothing but smirks) So, that's it? Nothing else to say for you? DEAN I think maybe I'll play craps. SAM stares at him, outraged. Shakes his head. Sighs in exasperation. DEAN's smile fades. They drive on.

See, one will see this in 3.06 and will want to smack Dean upside of the head! Because he is refusing—absolutely refusing—to face the consequences of the deal he's made—the consequences for himself, and the consequences for someone he loves! His words about seeing what he's doing to Sam here are distant and empty when you see the expression on his face within the episode—the disturbing slight smile and the way he just pretends "This is fine". Dean understands that Sam is having an emotional response and he could write down why for a class exercise, but he is refusing to let himself feel it because then all of this would all become real and he would also have to feel scared for himself.

The thing is, smacking Dean upside of the head would not work, and does not work! Dean already hates himself—if Sam is angry at him, or Bobby is angry at him, or he gets called selfish or screwed in the head or told that he's hurting people... well—Dean doesn't like himself either because he failed Sam and John and he's not supposed to be here and he's a curse that gets people killed, so... so what? Big deal! They are telling Dean things Dean already believes. Yelling and accusing may actually exacerbate Dean's belief that he deserves this—that he should not be here.

You know what does work? In 3.07, when Dean plans to run off alone to save the girl Gordon's kidnapped because he thinks "I don't matter anyway and I'm dying anyway", and Sam gets through to Dean just as soon as he uses two things: 1) Compassion and 2) Care.

DEAN What do you want me to do, Sam, huh? Sit around all day writing sad poems about how I'm gonna die? You know what? I got one. Let's see, what rhymes with "shut up, Sam"? SAM Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid. DEAN I'm not! SAM You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you. DEAN You got no idea what you're talking about. SAM Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked. DEAN And how do you know that? SAM Because I know you! DEAN Really?

(That "really" is something—there's a whole other world of things that could be discussed there)

SAM Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just... (pause) DEAN What? SAM I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause. DEAN (after a pause) All right, we'll hole up, cover our scent so he can't track us, and wait the night out here.

This is the first time we see Dean actually swayed since the very end of 2.22—and it's because

Sam shows compassion for Dean's state of mind and the actions that have come out of it. He says that he understands that Dean's play at apathy is just that—a play at apathy. Dean isn't acting this way because he's just some jerk who doesn't care about how his actions effect others. Dean is someone who cares, who is acting like he doesn't care because he is scared. Dean is sniping at Sam intentionally to make him angry, so Sam will get mad at him, so they don't have to talk and Dean can be reminded that he makes people mad and he deserves this. Dean isn't some jerk who should be gone because he hurts the people that care about him. Dean is someone who is hurting and scared and Sam understands.

Sam makes it extremely real to Dean how much Sam CARES ABOUT HIM by saying he wants him there "just 'cause". Dean is inherently valuable! Dean matters! And there doesn't have to be a reason, or a need that Dean fills. "Older" or "Big" is omitted before "brother" here, because it isn't about Sam needing Dean to take care of him—just like he said it wasn't in 3.06! It's about Dean being there at all!

[veryace-ficrecs]

Supernatural Post-Finale Fix it Fic Recs

Fanfiction set after or during s15e20 that changes the ending in some way.

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Of Loss and Love by BadassCompany - Rated E

“You saved me,” Cas says.

Dean wants to crawl inside that low rumble of a voice and curl up there forever. Delirious, he says, “Yes.”

Then Cas says, “You kissed me.”

Dean swallows. “And?”

Cas kisses him. Something burns at the hem of Dean’s shirt and his eyelashes flutter darker and it’s much, much later when he realizes he’d felt a spark from the lightbulbs blowing out.

*

Dean barely talks since Cas died. Even once they save him, it's too damn hard. In which fucked up coping styles leave both Cas and Dean convinced the other doesn't really love them. Cas thinks Dean is offering to sleep with him out of the goodness of his heart, or so Cas won't leave. Dean is trying to be less of a dick and ends up crying all the time. Cas just wants Dean to let him be the big spoon. They get to heal and be in love.

Local Cryptid?? by chlodobird - Rated T

Carry On by TheWeepingMonk - Rated G

In an imaginary world where the finale was emotionally satisfying, Team Free Will got to grow old. Dean and Cas settle down and run a bar-slash-diner, and Sam decides to go back to school. Law just isn't his thing anymore, but with the amount of lore he knows, he figures he could make a pretty decent history or mythology teacher.

Essentially, his weird knowledge and weirder family means that rumors spread. Local Man becomes College Campus Cryptid, more at 9

what they deserve (it's better this way) by sobsicles - Rated M

"That was weird."  

 "What was weird?"  

 "Dean," Sam answers. "He's gotten really happy out of nowhere and now he's taking a roadtrip so Charlie can meet his dog? I just don't buy it. He's up to something."  

 "Up to what?"  

     Sam struggles to makes a guess then finally says, "I don't know...maybe he's trying to find a way to bring Cas back."

Dean and Castiel have some unfinished business. Heaven is as good enough of a place to settle it as any.

Wayward Son by masquerade97 - Rated T

so weird how the spn finale was just an hour of dead air. that was weird right? anyway this is what i think happened 

for which no words exist by MediaWhore - Rated T

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

all the things yet to come are the things that have passed by cosmicocean - Rated T

“I mean, listen, we’re not good at the huggy feely crap. Any of us. And I get that, you know. And I get, I mean, I could’ve said something, you know, I know that. I get it. I get all of it  But you just, you give this whole speech, and you telling me that you just, you want what you know you can’t have? You never asked. And it was always, you know, it was always-“ he grits his teeth, taking a breath.

“We always came back to each other. I said terrible things to you and you said terrible things to me and we fought and we killed and we died and always, always, we came back to each other. We figured it out. So you’re gonna come back. You’re gonna come back, Cas, so help me god, and we’re gonna figure it out. And I would have said yes. If you’d asked, I would have said yes.”

AU after 15x19, where Dean has a little place in the middle of nowhere, a dog, and is trying to figure out a plan.

Keep Your Love Alive by dothraki_shieldmaiden, FriendofCarlotta - Rated E

Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?

[perplexed-confusion]

Rewatched Lazarus Rising yesterday but I couldn't finish it til today. Here's a list of all my thoughts

Can't believe they just buried Jensen like okay

The shot of his hands coming out of the grave >>>

The way Dean's shadow is all tall, lean and hunched like a monster

The angel flappy wing title is so yesss

Pontiac, Illinois sounds like a place someone would be resurrected

HANDPRINT.

Dean trying to open the register is so funny

They should of had more radios and tvs go crazy around Cas and other angels in future episodes

Jensen jumping on real glass

I can in fact see the plaster

How long do you have to torture souls to become a demon?

"You're about the closest thing I have to a father."

The way Bobby says "Dean" when he realises its him

And the hug.

It's actually breaking my heart with how grateful Bobby looks

Dean we all know you remember Hell so stop lying

The way it's said that Bobby's been struggling with Dean's death

I feel bad for Chrisie and she hasn't even been possessed yet

I love the way "No demon would deal" sounds

He's so excited to see his car.

Sam should have stayed immune to freaky demon powers

They should have kept Pamela around. Have her like psychic mentor Sam

I love the way Dean peaks during the seance yoke

Hearing Dean say "Castiel" for the first time is so weird like it doesn't sound natural maybe it's because it isn't "Cas" or because of how he says it, without any of that way he says it y'know.

Dean and Sam not questioning the other's lies because they're lying themselves

Dream a Little Dream of Me would have been good over the seen of Sam in the diner

Demons can smell souls???

A demon said Cas was at the diner so I love to imagine true-form Cas just wandering around Pontiac looking for Dean.

This guy bleeds, the ground quakes. It's cosmic. IT'S COSMIC.

Sparks firing, guns shooting Cas really can make an entrance.

The way Cas says his first line is so early season Cas

Also the way Dean says "yeah, thanks for that"

Stab the love of your life I guess

Season 4 Cas my beloved.

He's so cute and little and ughhhhhhhh

The way he flips through the book

His problem is having no faith!!!!!

Anyways the way he grows to have faith in Cas not God

His wings flashing

He actually says "Holy tax accountant"

"Good things do happen, Dean." "Not in my experience." "What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" AHHHHHHHH

Head tilt alert I repeat head tilt alert

God commanded it and they have work for Dean

Can't believe they just end the episode with THAT

[hadesbullshit]

hi hades! i have a lot of strong opinions on a couple specific spn episodes, and id love to hear your thoughts!! i will not judge for your answers, because this show fucking sucks but also its the greatest piece of media ever so any opinion is correct objectively. ok anyways

what do you think about: faith (season 1 episode 13) , roadkill (season 2 episode 16) , and playthings (season 2 episode 11)?

I'm gonna rewatch them to ansure this (bc y be normal about media when u can go ferral) but pre rewatch: Roadkill is one of my fav eps ever.

1x12 (faith is 1x12. 1x13 is Route 666 (also a very good ep as a dean charaitor study if u do want my thoughts it)):

i forgot how much i love this ep. I'm really into religious imagery in any media. dean on deaths door in the singlar reazon I'm gay /j. Sam's desperation to save Dean was always hinted at but this ep really does the "show not tell" thing right in a way most of the show doesn't. john not coming to help dean is one of the reasons i fucking hate the guy. Dean refuses to believe there is a God pre s4 because what god would put him though everything he's been though, i love him so much. the parrales between john and god with Dean's faith in an absent father.

Quotes:"i didn't pick you dean, the lord did" "why do you deserve to live more than my daughter" "it must be ruff. to belive in somerthing so much and have it disappoint you"

2x11:

of the 3 eps this is my least favourite I'm going to be honest but i still love it so much. The twist is so good. the sibling devotion, they would rather be dead together then one of them leave (Sam and Dean prrallels). "what do you mean we look the type" is iconic (Dean vs people knowing he's bi before he does). Sam's break down, begging Dean to be the one who kills him is so well done.

2x16 (this will be looooong):

when the audience learns things after Sam and Dean/the narrative isn't chronological but we think it is, it makes the twists better. Sam wanting to ease Molly into the fact she is dead vs Dean wanting to tell her straight up bc in Sam's life knowing about monsters has only ever been a burden wear as Dean (Has not met Mary yet and doesn't know she knew about deamons) thinks, as John thinks, that he would still have his family if more people knew how to protect themselves. (i might be reading to much into that part but i am a lit & media student). then after the half way point Sam wants to tell her because she thinks David is dead and that is the worst thing in the world for her whereas Dean wants to comic to lying because telling someone the truth this far in would be hard and he cant have emotional convocations to save his life (see also; Gadreel arc).

This ep is so good for rewatching it and putting into context the things Dean says. The resolution of her letting go of the loop AAAAAA.

Every motw ep in spn has a little twist in it and using the different graves to fulfil the audience expectations only to pull the rug out from underneath with the "Molly is ALSO a ghost" .

The enphisis on the idea people are not born monsters especially in relation to Sam. "what ever it is, they just hold on too tight. caught in the same loop" (sam talking about the ghost but also him and Jessica (among others)) and "something happened to them. something they couldn't control" (sam with his whole being a deamon & yellow eyes' army in s2) bc Sam in the early seasons is insane and so full of self loathing.

The question of what happens to monsters after they die (and people) being uninsurable, beng afraid of death and the unknown feels like a nod towards s3 with dean waiting to die having no idea what will happen. "hope is kinda the whole point" them pre hell, and pre knowning just how fucked up every is AAAAAA

[pantherlover]

An Artificial Night Re-Read: Part 7

Hello again! This is the last part for An Artificial Night. Let's see where it goes:

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

Tybalt and May's relationship is another one I would be interested in seeing how it developed over the two months Toby was missing.

When Toby mentions that Amandine could've saved up to help save her, Tybalt says that Amandine had disappeared *again*. That could mean that she's disappeared more than once, but I took it to mean that she'd been around recently. I can't remember if we got confirmation that the answers Tybalt was looking for re: Toby came from Amandine or not. Did he find her at this time and then she disappeared right after?

'Maybe the long pause had been good for my magic, because it felt like my illusion came together more easily than normal.' Is this a hint that undergoing the transformations shifted Toby's blood slightly?

'I wound up between Connor and Tybalt. They kept glaring at each other over the top of my head. I had a pretty good idea of why, but I didn't want to deal with it.' I'm not sure you do have any idea why they're doing it Toby; in fact, given that you continue to insist that Tybalt doesn't like you for another, like, two and a half books, I'm pretty confident that you don't!

May mentioning how hard it was for her to get Spike to eat vs. Toby telling Acacia it wasn't that hard to look after him (right after Acacia told her how hard it was to keep rose goblins alive) makes me think about Toby and her almost endless capacity to care about people, and how Toby probably doesn't understand that about herself at all.

I forgot how unpleasant Rayseline was in the first few books.

First time Toby drinks the Luideag's blood.

Chapter Thirty:

I don't have anything to say about this chapter, but *man* Seanan McGuire's prose is SO good.

Also her writing is really cinematic and I want a TV show so so sooooooooooo much.

Chapter Thirty-One:

Toby actually thanked Sylvester for loaning her his sword, but I'm pretty sure that was a mistake given that three pages later Sylvester thanked her and Toby acted like it was a big deal.

I think this is the last book that Toby needs her injuries bandaged.

Thirty-Two:

Every time Toby mentions that Luidaeg doesn't need to worry about robbers, I imagine a mortal thief breaking into her house and both the thief and the Luidaeg being just. SO confused about what's going on.

This chapter's so sad; Quentin loved Katie *so* much. I know that it never would've lasted, for a lot of different reasons, but Katie (and Quentin) deserved better than this.

I think Quentin choosing to let Katie go hits a little harder when you know that he's the Crown Prince. He's not just letting go of a mortal lover; he's acknowledging that he never would've been able to be with her forever. (This might also be why he's willing to date Dean; he already knows that he's able to give someone he loves up when he needs to.)

Thirty-Three

Every time Jessica turns up in this book, it makes me sad. She's just a little girl! She only has five more years! She never got to come into her own and get fully free of Blind Michael!

This chapter is giving me a lot of feelings about May and Stacey's relationship too, and how terrible the Stacy-is-Titania revelation would've been for May too. Stacy was the first person from Toby's life who accepted her without hating her first; that must've been such a blow to lose.

'As far as the state of California was concerned, I'd always had an identical twin sister. Bet Amandine would be surprised to hear that one.' I don't think she'd be as surprised by that as you'd think Toby.

Neither Tybalt or Connor have talked to her since she came back from Blind Michael's: It's fine. It's fine! It's fine. It's. Fine.

Even knowing what comes in the future, this is still a lovely ending. At least they got to have this moment.

That's it for An Artificial Night! (Whoo, finished by the skin of my teeth!) I might get to Late Eclipses between the next two books, but we'll see; it's just as likely that I'll be recovering from them emotionally until December. Either way, see you next time!