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swashbucklery · 11 months

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Just wanted to say thanks for your 'queer as in i love you' tag. I always like seeing it. It's a good reminder that not everything about being queer is a struggle or adversarial even if the news/current events usually make it feel that way.

This was so lovely to hear, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know that.

This year has been the first where I've been able to make a conscious effort to recover from the Being Essential Experience, and I have been thinking a lot about identity and what brings me joy and realized how much I missed the happiness and beauty of my queerness. Not that I became less queer during the past three years, but - being stripped down to a task or a role left so little space for personhood altogether. I am fortunate to be at a point in my life where I love my queerness so much and I'm grateful that it's a part of who I am. I love love love posts about other people nurturing their own queerness as I revive mine. Like a houseplant left unwatered on a radiator for too long, it's bouncing back.

And I think more than ever it's so important to incorporate both. Unfortunately one of the tasks of our community is resistance right now, and anger at injustice, naming injustice, is an important part of that. But another critical task is solidarity and community building. If our siblings are being harmed where do they heal, where do they find safety and care and affirmation and love. How do we stand with them so that they have the energy to resist again. How do we make sure that we are not divided, because a divided community is easier to harm than a whole one.

#if you were essential too #i'd appreciate if you hold back on venting your experience onto this post #but know that i see you and i feel it too #it happened and we were there #it's ok to feel however you feel about it #and also #it's okay to find it hard to be angry all the time #it's okay to feel tired of resisting #loving your queerness #whether that's gender-wise or sexuality-wise or a symphony of both #is one of the most beautiful ways to resist #loving each other not in the love-is-love normative way #but in the wonky edges messy hearts authentic queer way #finding new ways to be and saying yes this is good this is mine #instead of hollowing yourself out to love the way that is expected #to say see my love is just like yours do you approve #but instead loving in the way that feels right and honest #what could be more beautiful than that #queer as in i love you #queer as in fuck you #wibbly wobbly gendery wendery #bright things in dark times

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ibtisams · 5 months

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A report just came out from a Palestinian hostage saying he was strapped with bombs and sent into a Hamas tunnel, with Israel prepared to blow the tunnel up with his body if fighters were found inside and yet people are still making the “Hamas uses human shields” arguments that have been confirmed to be a myth with no supporting evidence

#the hostage also said the same thing happened to a 15 year old boy hostage #both of them did survive as they were pulled out of the tunnel when no fighters were found and then released a few days later #the amount of people (including the US president) who still talk about the Hamas human shields is alarming #since no one has evidence of it and we have more then one piece of evidence of Israel using human shields #palestine #🦢

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sugarflow · 5 months

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group stimming session

#my art #sugarflow #lethal company #based off a really mundane moment that happened when we were about to get off

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andthebeanstalk · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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marisatomay · 2 years

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blah blah blah aging tumblr population etc etc if you are ever visiting a family that just had a baby, and you know that they have other small children, bring a little something for each of the other kids. it doesn’t have to be anything fancy but, even the most charitable, well-behaved child starts feeling left out and lonely after the nth visitor brings gifts and attention for their parents and new sibling and, either isn’t there for them at all or the only engage with them about their baby sibling, especially since their parents have probably been completely consumed with the new baby. make their day and they will remember that bit of kindness and attention from you forever.

#like i still remember when my brother was born my sister and i were bored shitless in the hospital and really lonely #because all of the attention was on our parents and nate #or if people did even say hi to us it was just to ask if we were excited about the baby #but when my aunt visited before even saying hi to my parents she came right up to emma and i and gave us each a beanie baby #she’s the eldest of four so like. she Understood.#and that meant so much to us skjfkdjdjkfdkdkdk #yes this happened in 2000 yes i still remember it what about it!!!!!!!

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thesoftboiledegg · 10 months

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#tweets #extremely relevant to my fandom #'WAH WAAAH WHY CANT BIRDRICK BE PLATONIC WAHH WAAHHH NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE GAY'#lmao 99% of protagonists end up in a straight relationship even if the characters have no chemistry #we can't have ONE same-gender relationship?#this happens in other fandoms too #I saw a wednesday/enid ship post on facebook and the comments were an endless spew of 'wah wah why can't they be FRIENDS'#who the fuck said they can't??#you just don't like it because it's a WLW ship

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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uncanny-tranny · 9 months

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Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

#amatonormativity #ask to tag (genuine)#i honestly *wish* conversations like this were things i was exposed to when i was younger...#...maybe then i'd've felt less of a need to surpress my aromanticism and asexuality...#...the feeling of brokenness still trails behind me sometimes because so many of us are taught that this all WILL happen...#...we WILL fall in love. we WILL have a nuclear family. we WILL be satisfied with this...#...and that this is the IDEAL for cishet patriarchal structures...#...and that /any/ deviation to the SLIGHTEST degree is that fault of the *individual*. who WOULDN'T want this life?#there's this idea like i said that maturity is gained as you almost... adhere to expectations...#...and that's genuinely dangerous to associate maturity with that and i hope you can fill in those gaps because it can get dark fast

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romansmartini · 5 months

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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to speculate about the sexual and romantic undertones of celebrities’ professional relationships

#thinking about the larry thing again. all my life i’ve been a believer 🙏#obviously many times of misguided beliefs were there before i like. learned how the world works. now i practice rpf discernment #but quite frankly there’s nothing like the drug of looking at star wars ot promo and being like man.#carrie fisher and harrison ford definitely fucked didn’t they.#and then for carrie fisher to drop the princess diarist and be like yeah me and harrison had the most torrid 70s affair #you can possibly imagine.#VINDICATIONNNNN #quite frankly they are the reason i still believe something similar happened with gillovny. we just need the memoir drop #rpf quiz

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breadmecoshy · 5 months

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Why are you looking at me like you care?

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egophiliac · 8 months

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just thinking about hair and faces

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #i don't THINK this counts as face horror but just in case #face horror #for your daily dose of me losing my mind over anime characters #i don't know why the hair thing surprised me so much. i think because i thought it was funny that lilia named silver after his hair color.#like ha ha lilia is hilariously bad at names how cute and silly!#oh. oh it's kind of a Thing.#anyway i am excited to see where the heck all of this stuff with silver's various dads ends up!#we still don't actually know who killed meleanor!#we still don't know literally anything about dad draconia! (dadconia? dradconia?)#we don't know what happened to the macguffin gem with its magical dad-saving powers!#(surely this will not come back to save a certain dad at a later point. of course not.)#man i was not expecting episode 7 to be all dads all the time #i mean i'm here for it but #hey remember when the highest stakes were who was gonna win the big talent show #then robots started kidnapping people and now we've just escalated from there #episode 8 our cat is going to turn into a drippy ink kaiju and we're going to have to mecha battle him to save the world or something #each member of diasomnia pilots a limb and we gattai into a giant robot dragon and hold on i gotta submit this spec script to aniplex brb

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twinstxrs · 2 months

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so much happened in this whole episode but i’m still on fig infiltrating ruben’s dream, making it look like the place where his friend was murdered, and then disguising herself as kipperlilly & repeatedly saying different variants of “somebody needs to take the fall for this, and it’s not going to be me. it’s going to be you.” while adaine as the elven oracle shows up next to her. can you imagine waking up from that, the idea of a horrible truth being pinned on you by your friend to save her own skin while the personification of fate and destiny stands there, almost as a promise that this is GOING to happen to you. we don’t even know if this kid is guilty. my god.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #fantasy high junior year #fig faeth #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #adaine abernant #kipperlilly copperkettle #watching fig terrorize him like girl!!! we don’t even know if he’s guilty!!!!#this might just be for me but i do not think 5 teenagers willingly brutally killed their friend idk #like there just has to be some other element to it and i am very scared to find out what that was #what if they were put in a position where they felt there was/there was no other choice… like oh my god #my comedy brain is having fun but my ‘this is a teenager’ brain is in such deep distress all the time this season #the rat grinders i trust brennan to not make u cartoonishly evil so i am holding u as gently as i can in my confused shaky hands #also with the devil’s nectar i’ve been wondering why they all seem so well-adjusted & now i’m curious if they’ve been intentionally-#changing their memories in a way so that either the trauma is lesser or they think they aren’t guilty. idk #but it seems like from how gertie was talking she was making it more recently so the well adjustedness from early jy doesn’t quite add up #they could have another source maybe??? idk i’m just low stakes 4 a.m. spitballing here #there’s also the strong possibility that they’re aware of what happened but they weren’t the ones who killed lucy. idk who knows #the way you could probably devil’s nectar yourself into believing it wasn’t your fault someone died… CRAZY IMPLICATIONS!!! CRAZY IDEA!!!#anyways the bad kids & the rat grinders don’t ever have to like each other but i do wonder if at least some of those kids deserve a chance

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stewykablooey · 3 months

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UNFUCKABLE

#GOOD MORNING #CANT EVEN GET FUCKED ON THE WE WANT TO FUCK KENDALL ROY WEBSITE HE IS LITERALLY THE JESTER OF HIS OWN COURT #truly the funniest thing to ever happen to him like this is worse than losing the company and he doesn’t even know its happened #kendall roy i wish you were real so you could see this #succession #m

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cracklewink · 2 months

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Harmony Syndrome Part 5/5

The last chapter of my mlp infection AU! Thank you to everyone who followed along. Some final thoughts on my twitter @cracklewink if anyone's interested : )

#mlp #my little pony #mlp infection au #mlp infection #twilight sparkle #Sorry for leaving the ending open ended but I genuinely couldnt decide on just one way for things to turn out and I liked the idea of #leaving it open the most #in my mind sunset's final message is like we found a recording from the later days of the infection and we dont know what happened in the #end because the recordings stopped/ended #In any case I think they were able to put twilight and the others to rest #but who knows who survived the “final battle” and who didnt #also yes Twilight created harmony syndrome but not on purpose lol #it was the result of her botched attempt to create a spell that makes ponies immortal #obviously it backfired lol #and the irony is that twilight ends up dying before any of her friends #if they didnt want me writing my little pony horse tragedy they shouldnt have left mlpfim off on the note that all of twilight's friends #were growing old without her #ending thats been haunting me for five years #if anyones seeing this this is an open au btw so feel free to adopt any of the ideas if you like! : )#tw thanatophobia #thanatophobia

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thedreadvampy · 1 year

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Losing my shit about this article in which a transphobic Tory was so busy panicking about existing in the vicinity of a Trans that she almost certainly misheard "jeans" as "penis" and decided that not only was this a problem with the other woman, but also that the world must be informed of this pressing danger.

"a trans woman! I had to stand directly behind her....I thought, 'this is going well', I'm handling The Situation fine'..."

translated: I saw a tall woman with broad shoulders. How would I get out of this alive? I thought. she has a PENIS. PENIS PENIS PENIS. through some force of PENIS I mean will I managed to PENIS behave normally towards her. My hands were PENIS PENIS PENIS shaking as I tried to dry them. summoning up all my PENIS courage I said 'dryer's crap innit'. she turned to me and said " yeah I'm just goiPENIS PENIS PENIS"

It's been a week and I'm still shaking. This proves trans women are the problem and I'm not weird. I'm fine. It's fine. If you think about it I'm the hero hePENIS!!!!!

very this

#red said #it's just. I'm obsessed.#everyone on Twitter is saying 'never happened' and i think they're wrong #this absolutely did happen and she's been obsessing over how vindicated it made her feel enough to WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT #because she MISHEARD SOMEONE IN A CASUAL CONVERSATION #i lay out my reasoning thusly: if you were INVENTING a scary trans woman in bathroom story out of nothing. why would it be this?#why would you go with 'we had a banal conversation until she said a sentence that makes no sense and that no human has ever uttered #but which does coincidentally sounds almost exactly like a mishearing of a very NORMAL thing to say in the circumstances #then she left and nothing else occurred'#if you were going to INVENT a story you would probably make it MAKE SENSE or SOUND THREATENING #i truly believe this is a very authentically told account of what she thinks happened #because who would. by means other than mishearing. think 'I'm going to wipe my hands on my penis' makes any sense at all.#a) 'I'm going to dry my hands on my genitals' says the presumably fully clothed woman #b) who then proceeds to leave without doing anything threatening #c) WHO SAYS PENIS THREATENINGLY? sorry it's writing out 'penis' repeatedly that made this jump out to me but like. who says that?#you might hear someone talk casually about their dick or cock but i stg it's only doctors and TERFs who casually use the word penis much #it's so. clinically descriptive. it's a weird use of language. but it IS. something you could plausibly mishear from 'pants' or 'trousers'

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omaano · 3 months

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Rex has a new workout buddy

Silly little companion (in spirit, if not in writing - but a man can dream) to The Art of Losing (Is Hard to Master) by the amazing @insertmeaningfulusername, the second chapter of which has just gone up this week! the little fluffball finally has a name!! :3

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