I'm just curious since I absolutely adore all your trans Ed fics, what made you read Ed as being trans? Is it more of a personal headcanon since we tend to see ourselves in fictional characters, or did you notice some tiny detail on the show that made you think so?
Oh my friend, I'm so glad you ask.
The cool thing about reading Ed as trans, I think, is that you do not even have to squint to do it. Literally you need to change exactly nothing, and this read suddenly adds a lot of nuance and additional juicy layers to his story and his journey with masculinity.
Ed's whole deal with masculinity, precisely exactly all of it, makes him feel so much like a trans guy who never outgrew the "I need to be hypermasculine so I pass" phase, fitting that read so precisely that given there are trans writers on the OFMD team I would be absolutely SHOCKED if at least some of it wasn't intentional. Every single trans guy I know has been through a version of this, where you come out and you know you're a man but you need everyone else to know, too, and so you lean very hard into masculinity to make damn sure you pass. And not just pass, but pass perfectly. Ed is forcing himself into such a heavy ideal of masculinity that it feels artificial; he needs to make sure everyone sees him as this perfect ideal of a masculine man that he cannot possibly live up to because no one could.
Certainly, parts of Ed's hyper-masculine presentation seem to be things that genuinely make him happy and bring him joy. That's important. Ed's happy to be a man, the problem is that he's trying to force himself into such a narrow idea of masculinity that it's stifling him. It's preventing him from enjoying more ""feminine"" things that he genuinely loves, because he's terrified of being seen as less of a man for it, and people like Izzy reinforce the idea that if Ed fucks up in his performance of masculinity, he's going to be in danger because of that. It's very real, and the added juiciness from reading Ed as trans adds so much to the great story that's already there, I think. There's this additional element of Ed knowing he's a man but needing to make sure everyone else could never doubt it, there's an additional perceived danger to slipping up, there's a sort of jealous admiration for guys like Stede who seem, at least on the surface, so much more comfortable with a different type of masculinity that Ed wishes he could have more of.
And on top of that, there's just a lot of other little additional things, like:
Ed making his beard his whole brand, it just screams beard dysphoria and "no one could ever claim I'm not a man because the beard is my whole THING."
Something about his relationship with his name, and how hard he has to try to get people like Izzy to call him by his name in front of others
The way Ed is dehumanized when he dares to step outside a very safe, masculine gender presentation - it's why Izzy saying "this thing you've become" when Ed is wearing a robe and painted nails hits so hard for me, I think
Okay. okay. listen. You know the scene where Ed makes CJ whip him in the balls. Listen. Ed baby. It just SCREAMS "people here don't know I'm trans and I don't know how much getting hit in the balls should ACTUALLY hurt so I'm gonna lay it on really really thick just to be safe"
There's a lot to be said about Ed and his clothing in a lot of directions, but I'm gonna leave it at how he's really figured out a safe set of clothing that works for him and consistently allows him to be read as this super masculine guy, and he's scared to step away from that. Also, I really like imagining the full-fingered gloves at the end of s1 as a way to cover up the nail polish on his fingernails until it wears off.
I think it's very sweet that Ed tends to be very private when talking about his personal and sex life with others, but a very, very easy explanation for how that got started is he just doesn't want to go around sharing personal details about his body with people!
Yeah. A trans read of Ed is so shockingly easy, fits so well, and adds so much to his journey, frankly I'm amazed it's not more common.
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Chills Right to the Marrow part 36
ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 33, part 34, part 35
Steve opens the door for them before they even have a chance to ring the bell. With a large smile meant just for Eddie. They make their way through the door, Eddie immediately in awe about the height of the ceilings, for some reason. They two of them talking, if that’s all they’re doing, instead of making their way to the welcome party.
Wayne gets it. Eddie’s out of the hospital, it’s big news. But there are other people here waiting to see him.
Like the boy standing in the middle the hallway with tears forming in his eyes. Who’s waited for this day since the moment Eddie got hurt. To know that he is really alive. And will continue to be alive.
“Aw, taking pity on me, are you, Steve?” Eddie teases, making Wayne want to groan.
“Shut up.” A great retort, really.
Wayne clears his throat. Breaking the two of them out of the little bubble they’ve formed. He nods his head down the hall, making Eddie finally see Dustin.
No matter how much Wayne is happy to see his boy out of the hospital. Walking. This moment isn’t for him. It’s for Dustin.
“Hey, Henderson,” Eddie breaths out, relieved.
“You’re here,” Dustin says so softly Wayne can barely hear it. But it’s enough that his own tears find their way to his eyes.
Eddie makes his way over to Dustin. Just barely wincing with the pain, but not complaining about it. He’s got other things on his mind in this moment. He balances himself on his crutches just enough to pull Dustin into a hug. Careful to not put all of his weight on the kid.
“Yeah,” Eddie whispers. “I’m here.”
Wayne blinks away the tear that wants to fall down his cheek. Sparing a look at Steve and seeing he’s in the same boat. Somehow in agreement that this moment isn’t for them to ruin. They could hold off for the time being.
“Where’s the rest of the crew?” Eddie asks when Dustin pulls back. “And a seat, I can only stand for so long.”
Dustin snorts, wiping his cheeks. “In the living room. They’re really happy to see you.”
Eddie motions for Dustin to lead the way. Following him down the hall and into the living room. Steve and Wayne hang back. Letting their moment be their moment.
Someone knocks on the door, Steve turning around to go answer it.
“Sorry, are we too late?” Nancy asks before stepping in. Robin close behind her.
“No, you’re fine. He just got here.” He looks behind them looking for someone else. “I thought you said Jonathan was going to come?”
Nancy makes a pained face. Starting to say something but Robin beating her to the punch. “He’s avoiding her.”
“It’s not like I blame him,” Nancy defends. “I did break up with him. We’re not going to be friends again that fast. How long did it take up to be friends after we broke up?” she asks in Steve’s direction.
“Almost two years,” he deadpans.
Nancy gets a partially defeated look. “See, we’ll get there eventually.” She turns toward Wayne, hiding the shock that he was standing there the whole time. “Hi, Mr. Munson. It’s great to see you again.”
“Please, just call me Wayne.”
“How did things go at the hospital? Was it all taken care of?”
Wayne nods. “Yes. They came around in the end.”
It was a relief, really, to see the bill come out with zero. All Wayne had to do was sign the papers and set up Eddie’s follow up appointments. His twice a week physical therapy appointment. Get the prescription for his pain killers. Then, they were one their way.
“Good.”
Someone calls Steve from the living room. All of them migrating to the living room. There’re so many voices in that room, Wayne doesn’t know which conversation to pay attention too. What he ends with, though, is the one that Eddie’s in. Talking about the game he loves with the kids. One of them there he doesn’t recognize, but that’s not really surprising.
Sometime later, the bell rings and Steve comes back with an armful of pizza. Setting them along the kitchen island with sodas. Yelling at the kids to use a plate and to eat in the kitchen instead of the living room.
Wayne can’t stop looking at the smile on Eddie’s face. It’s like he looks alive again. Out of the hospital and back to himself. Goofing around with the kids and making jokes. Trying to make it look like he isn’t tripping over his crutches. Still getting used to walking with them.
A smile forms on Wayne’s face. The muscles straining just a bit. Like he forgot how.
Eddie catches his eye. Brows furrowed before he realizes why Wayne’s smiling. For a second, their smiles match before Eddie’s attention is brought away again.
“Steve,” Dustin asks as the rest of the kids migrate back to the living room. An argument about movie choices ensuing. “Do you think I could stay over tonight?”
Steve thinks about it for a second before shrugging. “I guess so. Just check with your mom first.”
“She already said it was ok,” Dustin smirks. Going back to the living room with the rest of his friends.
“Of course she did,” Steve sighs. Going back to cleaning up the dinner.
Robin, Nancy, and Wayne hang back in the kitchen to help clean up. The leftovers get consolidated to one box and placed in the fridge. The plates get washed and put away. They make no move to leave the kitchen. Staying in the quiet instead of the chaos in the other room.
Steve pulls out four beers and hands one to everyone. They fall into casual conversation. Or, the three of them do. Wayne just holds back. Not much of a talker right now.
Eddie comes in from the living room a half hour later. Sitting next to Wayne at the island.
“Can I get one of those?” he asks.
“Depends,” Steve answers before Wayne can outright refuse. “How much and what pain medications are you on right now?”
Eddie rolls his eyes. “I hate you.”
“Sorry for trying to keep you alive.” He gives Eddie a once over. “You alright?”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “I love them, don’t get me wrong, but they can be a lot all at once.”
“You have no idea,” Robin adds. Leaning halfway across the counter.
Nancy tosses her empty bottle into the recycling. “They’ve always been that way. And then they kept adding more people to the group. I can sometimes here them from my room. When they’re in the basement.”
Eddie winces. “Jesus.”
“No one would judge you if you wanted to turn in early. You’ve had a long day.” Steve hands Eddie a coke since he can’t have any alcohol.
“I might. The doctors woke me up at, like, six this morning for some test to make sure they could discharge me. Been up since then.”
“That’s not that early,” Nancy says.
Wayne snorts. “Maybe for you. Ed will sleep forever if you let him.”
“Like you’re not the same way.” Eddie jabs his elbow into Wayne’s arm.
“Have you seen your room yet,” Robin asks. “Dustin was micromanaging like crazy to make sure it was to your liking.”
“Really?” Eddie has a soft look on his face. “I can’t wait to see it then.”
“He’s staying the night, by the way. If that’s ok with you.”
Eddie yawns. “Yeah, that’s fine. Mind showing me where this room is. I’m beat.”
Steve sets his beer bottle on the counter, waiting for Eddie to stand. Leading him to his room with Wayne in tow.
“This is it. And the bathroom is the door right across from that.”
Eddie turns the handle, stepping in before looking at the posters on the wall. He stops for a moment, looking around. A breath of relief escaping when he finally steps all the way in. Looking like he’s back in a space that’s him.
“They did a good job.”
“Yeah, they did. Ask Dustin about it tomorrow, I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it.”
Eddie nods. “I will.”
There’s an awkward silence for a second before Steve starts talking again. “Just a few things I forgot to mention. If you’re going to smoke in the house, do it near a window, but I’d appreciate it if you took it outside. And don’t play music too loud, it triggers my migraines.”
“That all?” Eddie takes a step toward Steve. A playful tone lilting his voice.
Wayne is already getting sick of this.
“Yes,” Steve stutters out. “Just, uh, let me know if you need anything.”
Eddie nods. Reaching out and pulling Steve into a hug. “Thank you for this,” he whispers. “You really have no clue what it means to me.”
Steve returns the hug, tentatively. “It was the least I could do.”
“That is an understatement, and you know it.” Eddie pulls back, clapping Steve’s shoulder gently before letting go.
“Have a good night,” Steve says on his way out.
Robin is in the hallway now, giving Steve a look. He sighs. “Not now.”
Wayne goes into Eddie’s room to ignore whatever that was going to be. “You going to be alright in here?”
Eddie sits down on the bed. Sighing in relief that he’s not putting weight on his legs. “Yeah. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, my room right above yours. So, if you need anything, yell or something. I might hear it.”
“I will.”
Wayne nods. Just standing in the room. Not quite knowing if he’s ready to leave it. Eddie rolls his eyes, extending his arms.
“Come on, old man.”
With a chuckle, Wayne leans down and hugs his son. They were never huggers, the two of them. Never needed to be. They knew they loved each other and showed it in their own ways. But Eddie is finally home after almost dying. He’s finally getting back to himself again. Everything is returning back to the way it should be.
“You better not be crying,” Eddie jokes. “I won’t be far behind if you are.”
Wayne lets out a wet laugh. Pulling back and just looking at Eddie. “I love you, kid.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie tries to brush it off, but tears gloss over his eyes. “Love you too.”
“Have a good night, I’ll see you in the morning.”
He walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Heading back to a party that’s dying down. Feeling part of something much larger than he was expecting. A giant family that he’s now roped into.
Who would have guessed that?
tag list (closed): @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,
@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,
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@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,
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@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,
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Hi Jelly! I haven't sent a request in a while, so I want to fix that now.
So what about Levi and the reader who secretly in love with him?
Levi breaks up with his girlfriend (it was her decision), he is devastated and upset. He comes to his best friend, who supports him. He thinks that he is unlovable, but she confesses her feelings to him.
She convinces him that he deserves love and she loves him. He realizes that his happiness was always next to him. Levi confess that he loves her back. And in the end, they become a couple.
Hi, I'm going to change a few things about this, hope that's okay cause I'm not a huge fan of the reader being used as an emotional blanket by a friend and then that friend "suddenly realising" they want them. I've been through this first hand and it hurt a lot and I'm still healing.
@ladycheesington <3
Time heals all wounds.
Levi x fem! reader
Modern world, becoming a couple, friends to lovers.
Communication is important and you should always be open and honest with those you care for. Levi faces his own emotions and becomes honest which results in you being honest.
The slam of your front door drew your attention. You lived in a cosy house in a nice welcoming town. Since moving to the town for your mental and physical health, you'd become much better. You were happy. The man who walked in through your door was the sheriff and someone you'd fallen in love with, but he had a girlfriend so you stayed a friend.
Levi trudged over to you in your window seat with his brows furrowed and a confused look. "Bea broke up with me."
You stared at him as a rush of emotions went through you. You were happy because you had a shot now, but you were crushed that the man you cared for seemed hurt. "Right. What did she say?"
"She said I've become distant, not fully invested and don't imagine a future with her." He sighed. "That I'm with her out of duty not love and I don't love or care for her."
You winced. "Tad harsh."
He hummed. "I think...she...was right."
You closed your book and sat up. "She was right?" You shifted on the seat and patted the spot next to you. "Sit."
He sat down and leaned his arms on his thighs. "I mean. I didn't look forward to seeing her. I didn't hate seeing her. It was more like..."
"Routine?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I feel awful about it. I don't want to hurt people, but I hurt her."
You nibbled the inside of your lip. "Were you fully invested in the relationship when you started dating?"
He looked up and started to remember a few things. "Ah, well..."
"Levi?"
He looked over at you and felt his cheeks heat up. "When you're in love, how do you feel or react?"
You tilted your head. "Are you questioning if you loved her?"
"Well, I am." He shuffled closer. "How do you know you're in love?"
You pressed your lips together as you thought. "Mm, well...I guess you feel warm inside you. You want to see them all the time. When you're going to see them or they message or call you, you get butterflies and you find yourself smiling a lot. When you're with them you feel comforted by their presence. All you can think about is growing old with them. You want to spend the rest of your life with them. Everything they do or say touches your heart and soul. You adore everything. You want to do everything for them. When you become a couple, you don't stop trying to woo them. You still get them gifts, you still take them on dates and you do everything to make them smile, Plus, holding them or being held by them just brings you inner peace."
Levi stared at you with a cute pinkness on his cheeks. "Mm."
You cleared your throat. "Y-You know Morticia and Gomez and how they are with each other?"
Levi nodded. "Yeah."
"Like that."
He leaned back and tapped the back of his head against your window. "Like that." He echoed your words as he stared at processed things.
You tapped your knuckles against his temple. "You got a lot going on in there."
Levi turned his head and looked deep into your eyes making your heart race. "I do. Your words have unlocked a lot inside me. I need to think a lot through."
You smiled at him. "Well, as always I'm here if you need me."
He grabbed your wrist. "Hey, thanks...I'm trying to...um...can I hug you?"
You stared a moment before nodding. "Yeah, sure thing." You wrapped your arms around him. "You sure to like my hugs, huh?"
He squeezed you. "You have a talent for it."
You pulled back and smiled. "Pizza and movies?"
He nodded. "Yeah. Can we cook together? I like cooking with you."
"Sure!" You walked to the kitchen with him following behind. "We'll make pizza. I need your expert skills in dough making. So get those muscles wor-." You flinched when Levi hugged you from behind. "Levi?"
He tapped his forehead against your shoulder. "Sorry. Just...just for a moment."
"Okay..." You assumed it was because he was upset. You had no idea what the real reason was for holding you. Levi had realised a lot.
It'd been two months after Levi and Bea had broken up. Levi was doing fantastic and seemed happier. He was spending every waking moment with you or his friends. Bea was the opposite, she was happy at first but seeing Levi doing great she was getting unhappier.
The feelings you had for Levi were screaming at you to tell him. Levi was a lot more affectionate with you. He'd bring you gifts, flowers, food and drink as well as arrange days with you. Your heart kept telling you he was interested in you and to confess, but you were filled with so much self-doubt and worried that being with him would tank his reputation so soon after his last relationship.
You were sat in your bookstore filled with your usual customers and new ones enjoying drinks as they read in your cosy corner. While at your desk you had a piece of paper and a pen with you. You decided to put your feelings down on paper, but it was hard.
After thinking for a while you decided to start writing and it just flowed out of you. You explained how you believed Levi deserved the deepest and most pure love in the world. You said that he deserved so much in this life and he should charge for it. Near the end, you talked about how you've always loved him and cared so deeply for him. You wished him all the best and you'd understand if he wanted to stop being friends because you loved him.
A customer calling for you brought you out of your focus. You slipped away from your desk and walked over to them. Smiling brightly as you assisted them with getting the books they wanted and felt excited when they asked you for recommendations. You walked back with the gentleman to your desk to see Levi was standing there and your letter was gone.
Levi was glaring at the man with you who'd been making you smile and laugh. "Find everything you need?"
The man smiled. "I did. She's a peach and so helpful." He winked at you. "Thank you."
You smiled softly. "You're welcome. Check through them and if you're happy, I'll check you out."
"I hope you do 'cause I'm checking you out." He laughed. "I'm jesting...shit bad flirt...uh...I'll be back in a bit."
You waved to him as you hummed a laugh. "Sure." You walked over to your desk and sat. "Hey, Levi." You look around your desk. "Uh..."
Levi huffed. "I don't like that man."
"Ah, he's okay." You looked up. "Levi? Was there a letter on my desk when you arrived?"
He lifted the letter up as he continued to stare at the man. "You mean this one?"
You went pale as you gulped hard. "Did...did you read it?"
"Yes." He looked over at you and leaned on the desk. "I've been thinking hard since you told me what love is. I know without a doubt what love is now and who I actually love." He reached over and grabbed your hand and ran his lips over your fingers. "Knowing that the woman I love loves me back makes me incredibly happy. I came here today to ask you on a date." He kissed your fingers. "Your letter made me happier than words could describe. When I saw you I felt a rush of emotions and for the first time I finally understood this dark feeling I have been feeling often around you." He locked eyes with you as his look became arousingly dark. "I was a little jealous of you being with that man."
You gulped hard. "H-He was just b-being nice."
Levi released your hand and walked around to your side of the desk. It was cute how you backed up against the wall. He cupped your cheek and tilted his head. "I want you to be mine and only mine. I want to grow old with you." He said your name. "I love you."
Before you could speak his lips met yours in a passionate kiss. The two of you clung to each other, bodies pressed as you explored your love and the deep desires you had held onto for so long. The world around you both just vanished and you forgot all about where you were.
A clearing of a throat made Levi release your lips and look over to the noise while you hid your face against his chest. Levi stared at the man who had flirted with you. "Yes?"
The man strained a smile. "I want to buy these books."
Levi hummed and released you. "I'll do it."
"I was hoping-."
"She's busy." He scanned the books. "I'll do it."
He leaned a bit. "But I can see her right-."
"She's. Busy." He paused and stared at the man before continuing the transaction. He watched the man leave before turning to you. "Now, where was I? Oh yes." He cupped your face making you giggle. "You were going to tell me you love me too, right?"
You nodded shyly. "Yes. I love you too."
@ladycheesington @levisbrat25 @nyxiieluna @li-anne @galactict3a
@youre-ackermine @thebobaprincess @2moth-anon2 @cypidity
@nbinairyn @bts-spnlvr12 @darkstarlight82 @emilyyyy-08
@levistealeaf @pelicanpizza @hideandgopeep @notgoodforlife
@demonic-bird @searriously @anti-cupid
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