#this is all not helped by the fact that I like cannot cope with being alone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reiding-writing · 9 months

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Omg imagine Reid being incredibly touch starved and literally having this very primal craving for affection to the point it's all he can think about but he cannot for the life of him get over his fear of germs and it's just all this angst and ahh

deprivation [ s.r ]

Summary:

Spencer needs support. He needs it. But he for the life of him just cannot reach out for it himself. And after one particular case, you make an effort to try and quell is emotional rampage.

WARNINGS: germophobia, self deprecation, touch deprivation, emotional breakdown

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

genre: ANGST, hurt/comfort

wc: 2.8k

masterlist!!

a/n: great minds must think alike because i was actually already working on this when the request came in😭

i made this less angsty than originally planned, but i hope it suffices nonetheless the less, thanks for the request! <33

Spencer Reid was exhausted in every sense of the word.

His muscles ached, his head pounded, and he was so burnt out he didn’t even have any thing to say when JJ had incorrectly mentioned a ‘fact’ about a certain sub-species of butterfly that was supposedly native to Oregon.

His exhaustion only proved to get worse as the jet took off for Virginia, but the unfortunate rampaging of his own mind proved any chance of him sleeping on the flight home impossible.

“Hey… Are you okay?” Your voice seems to echo across the silence of the cabin despite you practically whispering to avoid waking your teammates, and Spencer’s eyes flicker up towards you, clearly not having expected you to be awake.

You stand up from your seat, walking down the aisle to take a seat on the sofa next to Spencer, his head resting in his hands as his eyes followed you. “You’ve been really quiet since the case ended,”

“I’m fine…” He said the words, but it wasn’t reflective of his tone of voice. There was something there. Something more, something beneath the words.

A sadness.

An uncertainty.

And if you listened to his voice, not just to his words, you’d hear a hint of pain, a deep seeded sense of misery that he was concealing beneath the usual layers of stoicism.

“Spencer you’re talking to a professional profiler, which I don’t even need to be to know that you’re not okay.” You can’t help the soft sigh that escapes your mouth, turning to sit sideways to face him properly.

"I'm fine," He said the words again, and this time they held a touch of force. But the words did not match his tone, still pained, wounded, and silently pleading with him to just be honest with you.

And as the words came out of his mouth, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as if hoping that what he was feeling would be gone by the time he opened them again.

But when they fluttered open through his eyelashes he was still on the sofa of the jet and you were still sitting there and he still felt miserable.

“If you don’t want to talk about it then I won’t pressure you,” You dejectedly resign yourself at Spencer’s insistence, leaning your left side against the back of the sofa. “But just know i’m here for you if you ever want to get something off your chest okay?”

"It's just...It's just-" He paused, biting his lip as if unsure about what he was about to say. He knew it may be dangerous to let himself slip. So he considered his words carefully before he spoke again. "...it's just been hard...I’m so stressed and...I'm...feeling vulnerable. And I don't like it. I don't like it at all."

“Everyone’s gonna feel like that at some point Spence, especially in our line of work,” You tilt your head slightly at him, a soft expression painting your features that matches your tone.

"I know..." He said, " But...I don't like feeling like...like i can't cope. Like I'm scared. That's not who I am. I'm supposed to be the rational one. The smart one." Spencer dragged his palms up his face and back over his hair, leaning back against the sofa with his head leaned back against the wall.

“I don’t like being scared,”

And there, again, in that simple sentence was another hint of the hurt that his apprehension hadn’t managed to fully hide. “I’m meant to be better than that.”

“Spencer just because you are a functioning genius does not mean that you’re not allowed to be scared, that’s a part of what makes you human,” Your face furrows as you become increasingly concerned for Spencer and his mindset.

"I-...I know..." He said the words, but the underlying message was clear. He might know that he was supposed to have emotions and he might know that expressing them is healthy, but there was a part of him that was screaming at him to suppress them.

To bury his feelings and pretend to be the robot that his childhood (or lack thereof) had forced him to be.

He wasn't trying to be resistant, he was just...afraid.

“When was the last time you cried Spencer?” The question blurted it’s way out of your mouth as your concern for Spencer only continued to grow.

"Why would you ask me that?" His tone of voice was almost affronted by the question as if he were a little wounded that you had brought up something so sensitive.

He swallowed back the lump in his throat, and you swear that you could see his eyes glass over even in the dim lighting of the cabin. “Because i want to know exactly how much pent up emotion you’re dealing with right now,”

You make a conscious effort to relax your features as you look at him, sighing softly. “Please answer the question…”

Spencer took a second as he deliberated whether or not to answer your question, staring blankly across the cabin so he wouldn’t have to look at you.

"958 days ago."

He said the words coldly, but you could hear the emotion in the way he spoke them. This is the moment when he finally cracked. When he finally realised that hiding the way he felt wasn't a sustainable solution.

And its was also the point when he started to break down. The tears finally started to flow, and he couldn't stop them as much as he tried.

“Spence…” You reach out a hand towards him, but you barely get it up out of your lap before he firmly stops you.

"Don't..."

The words come out of him sharply, but there's something in his tone that saying the opposite. There’s a note of desperation in them. A plea. A cry for help. Because he wants you to touch him, he needs you to. But he's resistant to the idea, he keeps resisting it. “80% of communicable diseases are passed by physical contact. I don’t want to get sick.”

You curl up your hand into a ball as you let it fall back into your lap, pursing your lips as Spencer uses his statistical knowledge to stop you from touching him.

You knew he had an aversion to touch. That he was hyper aware of practically any illness that could possibly be transferred through human contact. You knew that he kept himself at a physical distance from everyone for a reason.

But you also knew that despite all of that he needed physical comfort. Words just weren’t going to cut it.

“It’s okay to need to be comforted…”

"I can get through this myself." He cuts you off harshly, and if you didn’t know that he was obviously mentally struggling his tone would’ve cut you deep.

He's in pain.

He's miserable.

And he's been alone for too long.

He needs emotional intimacy. He needs the affection and comfort of his friends.

He just can't bring himself to actually say that.

“Spencer, let me comfort you. please.” You bite the inside of your cheek as your eyes follow a tear that falls down his face, leaving a water streak in its wake.

“It’s not healthy for you to ball yourself up like this,” You plead desperately with him to let down his emotional barriers and just let you help him.

"There's nothing wrong with me." His words are still cold, but he's wavering now. His shoulders are lowering, his hands loosening from fists to lying flat on either side of him.

He wants you to touch him. He wants the affection that he's been deprived of for so long. But there's still that part in him that's resisting. The voice in his head telling him he can't.

“There doesn’t have to be anything wrong with you for you to need comfort Spencer,” You attempt again to hesitantly reach out a hand towards you, but your advances are again immediately shot down.

"Please.. Don't touch me." His words come out weakly. He's desperately resisting, but the tears are still flowing down his cheeks and you can tell that he’s trying not to completely break down.

“…Are you sure?” You hand retreats back to your side the second he denies you, but you both know he’s not entirely convinced of his own boundaries.

"I'm sure."

He's lying.

The tears were still streaming down his cheeks, and even one quick look at his eyes could tell you that he was desperate to be touched.

He was craving human interaction. But the words were still coming out of his mouth. He wasn't ready yet, not quite yet.

Your hand falls to the gap between the two of you on the sofa, a few inches left between his hand and yours as you suppress a sigh at the clear desperation coating his face despite his denial of your touch.

But you don’t want to overstep the boundary, even if he’s not 100% sure of it himself.

He stares back at you, still resisting the urge to reach out for your hand, even though he's not sure why. He knows that he would feel better if he could grab you and put his head on your shoulder, letting the weight of all of his problems wash away.

But there was still the little voice in his head shouting "Don't. Don't touch them. Don't." And he was struggling. Fighting with every inch of his being for self-control.

As the two of you fall into a slightly tense silence, you make a small movement to breaking Spencer’s self made barrier as you edge your pinky finger towards his own, just barely brushing his skin as you keep your eyes plastered on the opposite wall.

His eyes follow your fingers as they inch their way closer and closer to his. And when - at long last - you make contact, Spencer freezes. Time seems to just stand still as his eyes are transfixed on the single point of contact between your fingers and his.

He doesn't move, he doesn't speak. He just watches.

Over 200 breeds of bacteria are passed through people’s hands for every second they’re in contact.

But he can’t seem to pull himself away.

Because this is the connection he seeks. This is the release he needs. And finally, finally he gets it.

You continue to gently bridge the gap as your pinky finger links itself with Spencer’s, squeezing it with a gentle pressure as you try desperately to stop your eyes from averting back to him.

The second your finger links with his, a dam of emotions breaks. The tears flow faster and he lets out a whimper in the back of his throat.

As soon as you touch him, he leans into the feeling and turns his hand over, pressing his palm and his other fingers against your own, wanting more, needing more of this sensation that he's been starved of for so long.

You respond enthusiastically at his acceptance of the contact, interlacing your fingers together and giving his hand a soft squeeze as you finally bring your gaze back towards his face.

“You’re going to be alright Spencer…”

The moment your hand falls into his is a moment of sweet release. The flood gates have opened, the dam has broken, and there are no barriers between him and the overwhelming emotions he's been forced to bottle up.

And as the dam breaks so too does that small, insistent voice telling him to reject contact. That small voice that tells him he can't have physical affection.

Because that small voice is wrong.

And when you squeeze his hand he brings no hesitation into melting into you completely and burying his face into the crook of your neck.

You immediately shift to accommodate Spencer’s weight against your body, breaking the contact of your hands to pull him into a firm but comforting embrace, rubbing soft lines up and down his back as the other held his head against your shoulder.

With tears still flowing down his cheeks and his head buried in your neck, he lets out a soft, contented whimper.

His body relaxes in your embrace, and just lies there in your arms.

He's safe. He's finally safe, and it feels good. He no longer needs to hold himself together. And for the first time in years, he feels loved.

“I’ve got you…” You whisper the affirmation softly into Spencer’s hair as you rest your nose against the crown of his head.

He lets out more soft whimpers, his body relaxing as he leans into the comfort of your embrace, finally allowing himself to just let go.

He takes in big breaths, drinking in your scent as he tries to slow his breathing. He's still crying, but the tears aren't so severe anymore. He's finally started to calm down.

You lean backwards against the seat to support both of your weights comfortably as you focus on soothing Spencer through his emotions, running your fingers gently through his hair and massaging softly at his scalp.

The soft strokes against his head bring a wave of shivers, but they aren't like the shivers that he had felt when he'd been shaking so much.

These are better, these are warm and comforting, and it was like the tension was leaving his body from his head all the way down to his toes.

It feels good, it feels right.

Your touch was healing, and his whole body is relaxing in the gentle massage of your fingers.

“when was the last time you got a full night’s rest Spence..?” The question is soft against his ear as you continue to gently scratch and massage Spencer’s scalp, pulling him slightly towards you with your other arm to secure him safely in your lap.

“I… A while ago…” His words were hushed and sleepy, the exhaustion evident in the slight rasp that was present in his voice. He's been so caught up in the case and the work that he hasn't given a moment's thought to taking care of himself.

He's running on caffeine and willpower. He’s exhausted.

“You should get some sleep…” You carefully adjust the way yo two are sat until you are lying flat on your back with Spencer splayed out on top of you, burying himself in your presence at every point possible.

“I will…”

He's lying.

And based on the fact that his eyes are still squeezed tight against you and the way he's practically buried his body into yours it's clear that even he knows that he's lying.

There's no way that he can sleep right now. Not when he's finally feeling safe. When he's finally found comfort. He plans to bask in it for as long as possible.

“I’ll still be here when you wake up Spencer,” You know that he knows that you know he’s lying. “Get some rest,”

"But-"

He wants to hold this moment, to cling to this moment, trying to delay the passing of time just a little longer.

"I-“

He falters, realising that he's fighting against losing an argument that has already ended. He forces himself to breathe in and out in a slow and deliberate way as he resigns himself to the inevitability of falling asleep.

“…promise?”

He sounds less like a genius and more like a scared child when he says those words. A child who wants to be reassured. Who wants to be told that everything will be okay. That he'll be taken care of when he wakes up from his slumber.

“I promise.”

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #mgg #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds angst #spencer reid angst #asks 🫶

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i-cant-sing · 11 months

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Okay okay, I have another idea-

Yandere dad Nanami x Nanami reader

I've made yall see the menace Fushiguro reader who we all love and adore, but let's talk about Nanami's daughter who is an absolute angel and polar opposite to Fushiguro reader.

Child reader is just the most well behaved kid, listens to her father always, and since Nanami is raising her, she's also going to be very good in her studies because papa Nanami is a very good teacher. I mean, reader is definitely on top of her class and has a whole wall dedicated to her awards and medals. She just has to show off her math skills when she plays cafe (because obv she's gonna be a baker who bakes fresh bread daily for Nanami to buy and make sandwiches) and uses Monopoly money.

And when I say reader is polite, that is the understatement of the history. She just cannot bear to offend anyone! She has to put "-san" with everyone's name and has to address them correctly. "Yuji-san! Megumi-San!" And "pervert-San!" Which is Gojo, because of course Nanami has told her to beware of him and only address him as "pervert-san".

"But my name's Gojo!" He tells you, but you're so distressed because dad told you to call the white haired man wearing a blindfold/glasses "pervert-san" and it'd be rude to address him as anything else!

And Nanami adores his kid so much. She's such a perfect child, never breaks rules (don't talk to strangers or Pervert san.) and is such a goody-goody. He is a present father, he makes time for you. The Jujutsu sorcerers can wait, the world can be saved by someone else, but he needs to attend your school play at all costs. And even when hes not around for the day, he has raised you to be a very responsible child- like you even go get the groceries on your own when dad is late! (Like that Japanese show in which they send kids to shop on their own)

But of course, there are times when he needs to be away for longer periods, so he needs to hire a babysitter. His top choices: Shoko(although hes a little hesitant since you have a morbid curiosity learning and Shoko would happily let you accompany her to the morgue), Yuta, Maki, Megumi + Yuji + Nobara.

Who is NEVER allowed to babysit you? Gojo.

Gojo babysits anyway. (He fr steals you from Megumi trio)

And Nanami just comes home to Gojo and reader eating takeout and he's just like "Y/n, how could you let Pervert san in your home and eat with him?" And reader's just on the brink of tears and is trying to defend herself "b-but you said to be polite to guests! And Pervert-san bought food for me. Wouldn't it be rude to not share it with him?" *reader's teary eyes* and then Gojo is like "you'd rather let your child starve? Can't you see how tiny she already is?!" *Gojo's teary eyes* and Nanami pops a vein "it's not cute when you do it!"And then kicks Gojo out of the house.

Even though reader can dress herself up appropriately, she still has to have her hair done by Nanami, no matter what age. At some point, reader probably realises that it's something Nanami needs more than she does. It's a tradition, you think, but it's actually a coping mechanism for Nanami to deal with the fact that you're "growing up" and don't ask him to watch cartoons with you or read you bedtime stories anymore🥺

And Sukuna??? He takes one look at you and he's already decided he's gonna be mean to you, but then the more time you spend with him and Yuji, the more he realises.... its just not worth being mean to the only person who is so sweet to him and actually greets and talks to him like he's an individual person and not just a parasite inside Yuji's skin. Like reader just goes "Sukuna-san! I'm painting Yuji-san's nails but he can't pick a color. Will you help?" And he's like "Alright, fuck it I'm taking this brat with me when I comit mass murder. She's safe."

I feel like Nanami will allow reader to have a fairly normal childhood, so he keeps his yandere tendencies at a bay. It's when you start growing up and as he says "the others try to taint you with momentary pleasures" that his yandereness begins to show. Honestly, it's just more of his protective tendencies coming to light than anything else. He thinks people don't have your best interests in and sometimes he's right, but how else will you learn if you don't experience it?

Also, if you do end up having cursed energy and the ability to see curses, I think that's when Nanami starts spiralling down. He does not want you to become a Jujutsu sorcerer, he wants you far far away from the Jujutsu world completely. He can't- he can't allow what happened to Haibrara happen to you. He can't allow your innocence and naivety to be tainted by the horrendous world of curses. He'd rather risk you hating him forever as he locks you away than allow you to put your life at risk for others.

You are his priority. Your safety is his priority. You'll understand in due time why he did what he did, so while his heart does break hearing you cry and beg to be let out of your room, he doesn't regret putting you in there one bit.

Nanami sighs as he continues prepping your dinner. Guess he'll have to add some crushed sleeping pills so that you don't get sick from crying your bodyweight out (or more like he can't bear to see you in such a pitiful state.)

God save the poor souls who do end up kidnapping you.

#yandere nanami #yandere nanami kento #yandere jujutsu kaisen #yandere jjk #nanami kento #nanami x reader #jjk nanami #jjk gojo #gojo satoru #jujutsu geto #jujutsu kaisen #jujustsu kaisen x reader

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factual-fantasy · 11 months

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I recently decided to add an Asgore to my AU because I think he's a really interesting and deep character that kiiiind'a gets clowned on a lot.. <XD I wanted to do him justice by bringing out what I like most about his character and overall vibe :}}

This was originally going to be in a post with like 6 other drawings. But I was so proud of how it came out that I wanted to post it by itself. :}}}}

His temporary lore/backstory is after the keep reading! :D

Asgore's story is a bit vague.. but I'm thinking he's in a similar situation to River Person and Grillby. He cant go back to his AU and is full of grief about it..

I know his AU wont be like classic Undertale. Maybe in his AU they were sent underground much later? Or not at all? Chara and Asriel could be older.. who knows. But I'm thinking that at some point.. while being married to Toriel and having both Chara and Asriel, he had to go to war.

He told his wife and kids that he loved them very much. He said goodbye to them and went to war.. In which he was later killed.. Somehow Jevil and his gang passing through, ripped his soul out of his AU and into the multiverse. In doing this his crown was left behind and he was prevented from fully turning into dust somehow..

If he were to return to his AU, he would just continue turning into dust and die. So he cannot return.

Now unlike Grillby or River Person, Asgore is able to cope with this situation a bit better than them.

He was able to say goodbye to his family before he died. And the last thing he said to them was that he loved them. He died protecting his people, and his sacrifice in battle is ultimately what led to their victory. His family will be full of grief, but they have his crown to remember him by. And Toriel is a very strong woman. He has no doubt that she has enough love in her soul for the both of them. And will raise their kids into strong and mature individuals without his help.

He is still grieving the fact that he will never see his family again, of course. But knowing that his family is still alive and will continue to thrive and live despite his absence.. its comforting really.

Asgore is now permamntly in a state of dusting, but not really..? He is made of dust but he is still very powerful. It doesn't seem like him dusting has effected his magic too much.. he's not really sure <XD

Since he no longer has his crown, he has blatantly just said "I am no king, not anymore." He now kind'a acts as the groups body guard. Also unlike Grillby, he is thankful that Jevil saved him. If Jevil hadn't accidentally interfered, Asgore would have just died anyway and never knew if his family was safe or if they had won the battle or not.

I have other ideas of Asgore being this really tender character, and devoting himself to protecting his "new family". I imagined him helping Grillby move on and cope with his grief.. and if he can still heal monsters/darkners.. I imagine him healing Seam and Spamton to ease them of their pain.. Even if its only temporarily relief. I like to think that he is this rock that the others can lean on.

All in all, this Asgore is a pretty neat dude. He's their friend now, they're having soft tacos later! :}

#undertale #deltarune #asgore #goner kid #I remember dreading drawing Asgore because he was so difficult to draw #now BAM look at me a few months later #no practice before hand and I'm so proud of it I gave it its own post #les GOOOOO positivity #Improvement breathing living thriving gorl✨

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theleotarot · 7 months

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How Your Person Of Interest Sees/Thinks/Feels About You

Choose the image you are most drawn to or resonate most with… pile 1, pile 2, & pile 3 ✨

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Pile 1

(Knight of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Three of Wands, Knight of Swords, The Unknown Card, Three of Swords, Mentor, Plane, & Thriving)

Hi Pile 1! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Your person of interest sees you as someone who is very hardworking in all areas of your life. Perhaps, right now you are pursuing a degree or job, or maybe you are working towards a goal that requires lots of resilience and financial responsibility. Your person sees you very successful as well. I am also getting this energy that they may think you are above them in some way, whether it be financially, emotionally, or mentally. I really think they do look up to you in every way regardless if you feel like you are struggling yourself or you feel like you can do better. They see you as someone who is very helpful to other people and the community. Your job or every day work may involve with interacting and helping people out, and this is confirmation that this is your pile! They might find you very funny and young at heart as well. I'm getting that some of you may not think you're funny, but your person definitely thinks that you are. I'm getting that you may be the type of person to also laugh things off when you feel scared or hurt, it's kind of like a coping mechanism, only for some. Besides that though, I really do think your person sees you as someone who radiates bright energy and that's why people and even animals enjoy being around you. Not only they see you as bright energy, but they also see you as someone who attracts very much positive things into your life, again, abundance, school, work, you name it. What your person thinks about you is that you have a huge future ahead of you, and you have the ability to achieve your goals if you just go for it. I believe that they also think that you are very good with your words. Again, I keep getting this energy from your person of interest that they do not think they are as good as you. Honestly, I feel like they are intimidated by your potential and success. I believe that your person is going through something difficult or heartbreaking. It may be because of a separation, insecurities, or any kind of past trauma, but it is unknown. I think that this difficulty they are facing has an affect on how they feel about you. I do think that their feelings for you are developing though. I think that this person just cannot show your their full interest or attention because they need to focus on themselves more. Even though they are facing their own difficulties, I do believe you cross their mind, and their feelings for you have potential in growing into something bigger within time. Overall, I feel like your person sees you as a light in their life. They really look up to your for your positivity and ambitions. I think that once they get their life together and feel better about themselves, their feelings for you will escalate and they will start to show how they truly feel.

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Pile 2

(Ten of Wands, Ten of Cups, The Fool, King of Wands, Eight of Swords, The Magician, Shape-Shifter, Flowers, & Transformation)

Hi Pile 2! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Okay pile 2, before I start your reading, I just want to say that this is the sweetest pile. 🥺 Okay let's carry on. Your person sees you as someone who carries or has carried a lot of baggage on themselves. Perhaps, you have struggled financially or educationally, or you have really struggled with your family or friend relationships. I also get this energy from you that part of your baggage has something to do with the fact that you always put others as a priority rather than yourself. You are always sacrificing yourself, even if it costs you your happiness. Even though you've been through so much emotional baggage, you continue to persevere through adversity, and your person of interest definitely sees this about you. They see how hard your life has been, yet you find the power to proceed with your life, and they find this absolutely inspiring about you. It's like, you have the choice to stay in despair and yearn for a better life, but you choose the opposite and make changes to your life to be happy instead. Your person sees that you have amazing grit and can also adapt to your environment, whether it be difficult or easy. They might also see you as someone who is very emotional and someone who wants to have their own family and children in the future. They can see you feminine as well. The way that your person sees you is very warm and precious. There are lots of pink and purple in your reading pile 2, so this means that your person sees you very delicate and they are really romantically connected with you too. I think they think you are confident in your actions as well, and whatever risks or actions you take, you are able to go through with it. I think your person thinks you're very playful as well. Even though sometimes you may feel stressed or upset about certain things in your life, your person knows that inside of you, at the very core of you, you are actually a very warm, delicate, loving, affectionate, and playful individual. I think that they believe that you deserve the best, pile 2, especially since you've gone through so much. They also think of you as a flower. Not only are they beautiful and delicate, but they're also a product of growth and transformation. Your person not only sees you for your beauty but for also all your hard work, tenacity, and sacrifice. Pile 2, I believe that your person has very romantic feelings for you, but they do not know how to come forward with it towards you. I believe that they want to turn your bond with them into something more, but they are intimidated at the same time. I think that maybe you have a chance to come forward instead, and this will save your person a headache lol because they feel for you so much. One more message I'm getting is that they see you as a butterfly. Again, you have transformed so much in your life. You may have felt stuck in the past and over worried, but you will grow into your wings and you'll be set free to fly. Your reading is beautiful pile 2. Your person deeply feels for you.

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Pile 3

(King of Pentacles, The Hermit, The Star, Seven of Cups, The Tower, Four of Wands, Servant, Unity, & Protection)

Hi pile 3! Welcome to your reading. ♡

Your person of interest finds you very, very attractive, and maybe even very addicting pile 3! I say this because The Devil card popped out twice in the back of the deck. You're quite appealing to them I would say. 😏 Anyway, I think you give off independent vibes to your person. You're very successful, and you're independent. You're not a loner, you're in solitude. There's a big difference between those two. I think they see you as someone who does not take bs either (I'm getting that some of you here are more mature so I can insert bs here lolol). I think they see you as someone very helpful to others. Maybe you are a people pleaser, for some? I just got that. Your person also might see you as quite mysterious. You may be more of the quiet type, and they are intrigued by you. They just want to know more and more about you. I get the feeling that your person also thinks that you may have a lot of people lined up for you in regard to romantic partners. Your person may think that they don't even have a chance with you because you're so hot lol. They do think of you as a star though. You radiate light in their life, and I think that they may admire you from a distance, and they keep their feelings to themselves at times. I think that when you or if you have conversations with them, they will feel very emotionally connected with you. Your conversations with them are easy, and they feel like they can open up to you about pretty much anything comfortably. I think this is what separates you from others. You just get them in a way that no one else does, this pertains to your conversations with them, as well as your looks. 😉 One random thing, I think they might like your hands lol. Your person's feelings for you are strong pile 3, it's a given here. I think they did not expect to be this attracted to you though. Maybe some people here are in a work or classroom environment with your person, and your relationship with them could almost feel "taboo" but they can't help but be so drawn to you. Another situation I’m seeing here is a friend dynamic. Just take what resonates. I think that your person does really want something more with you though. I think if you two were together, they would really make it known to the world that you are theirs and they would celebrate your love lol. They also feel very protective over you. Even if you are already strong on your own and independent, your person still wants to be the one to protect you at all costs and even be your knight in shining armor. I believe that your bond with this person does have potential to lead to something more pile 3, even if you do not talk to them, the both of you still have potential together. Overall, they are so attracted to you pile 3. Do you ever have that person that you like so damn much that they are ruining your life???!! Yeah, that's you to them. Lol.

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#tarot reading #love reading #pick a card #pick a pile #pac #love pac #oracle #oracle reading #free tarot reading #crush reading #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #daily tarot

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trillscienceofficer · 1 month

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from Sci-Fi Universe magazine, October 1996

COLOR TELEVISION: DEEP SPACE NINE's colorblind perspective deserves credit for not being simply black and white entertainment

by Eric Wallace

Here's a story that may or may not be apocryphal: In 1967, Nichelle Nichols decided to leave Star Trek at the conclusion of the fledging show's first season. Soon after making this decision, Nichols met Dr. Martin Luther King while attending an NAACP fund-raiser. Upon learning of ner decision, Dr. King proclaimed, "You cannot leave. You're opening a door that simply must not be allowed to close." Dr. King went on to explain how Nichols' portrayal of Uhura demonstrated to Americans each week that blacks could live, work and prosper in racially-mixed situations. Consequently, Nichols changed her mind, and the rest is history.

Fast forward to 1996, twenty-eight years after Dr. King's assassination. I'd love to say that Nichols' decision resulted in a multitude of positive black roles on television. But I would be lying. Television reflects the society from which it springs and the fact is that blacks continue to be under-represented in positive, let alone leading, roles on American television.

Thank God for Deep Space Nine. Here is a show that not only features blacks in prominent supporting roles—Jake, Cassidy [sic] Yates, Worf—but has a black male star—Captain Benjamin Sisko. This is cause enough for celebration among black television viewers searching for positive portrayals of their own. But DS9's importance to the black community goes further.

From Good Times' JJ to Martin Lawrence on Martin, it is no secret that "the clown" is the most common image for blacks on television. "The gangsta" and "dope addict" run a close second. Limiting the entire black populace to these three images is not only offensive, but just plain false. This is not to say that black people aren't funny or that we aren't burdened by troublesome individuals. We are. But we're also much more: we are novelists, millionaires and world leaders like Alice Walker, Quincy Jones and Nelson Mandela. So where are these images in American programming? Not in most networks' prime-time line-ups. Perusing the latest copy of TV Guide will confirm this.

Instead of offering up more destructive stereotypes, DS9 boasts strong black characters who behave like genuine, complex, unique individuals. Charismatic, sympathetic and intelligent, these black characters function in ways that mere stereotypes never could by both expanding the sometimes constricted perception of non-black viewers towards racial minorities (thus facilitating communication and a better understanding between racial groups) and helping to inspire the previously-stated traits among their own viewers, thereby providing minority youths, specifically those living in impoverished or hostile environments, with positive role models. In regards to this last element, Sisko, a dynamic leader and caring parent, personifies this ideal.

The relationship between Sisko and his son, Jake, is one of the most satisfying aspects of DS9. Loving, emotionally mature, and far from perfect, their relationship reflects the tragedies and joys which constitute family life.

The pinnacle of the Sisko/Jake relationship (so far) is, without a doubt, The Visitor, a tour de force episode brimming with passion and melancholy. Watching this episode left me proud of the intensity of the love shown between this black father and son, and in tears at the eloquence with which the show handled the poignant and universal themes of disillusionment, obsession, aging, loyalty, love and loss.

Aside from The Visitor, DS9 regularly boasts touching moments of natural interaction between black father and son, all of which make the show a privilege to watch. Just some of these moments include Sisko's overt show of affection for his son, Jake's wisdom in helping his father deal with romantic troubles and the manner in which father and son nave helped each other cope with the death of Sisko's wife.

Some readers may not understand why am I making such a big deal about DS9. After all, science fiction has featured blacks in prominent roles for years. Let me be blunt. There is a word for programs which strategically place one minority character in their ensemble. It's called tokenism. Yes, tokenism fulfills the "visibility" quotient for black characters. However, it fails at the larger task of presenting black characters who possess emotional depth and resonance. Black characters without such traits are cyphers, hollow representations which belittle the true intellectual and emotional capabilities of blacks.

Program creators and viewers who point to token blacks as examples of racial progress inadvertently court cultural hypocrisy. Because token black characters are the norm to which non-black viewers are exposed, they are harmful and destructive road-blocks on the march towards racial equality.

DS9, in contrast, allows its black characters to deal with issues usually reserved for white characters in white-dominated prestige dramas like ER. These issues include: the sacrifice of putting duty before love (For The Cause), the pressures of command (To The Death), the joys of parenthood (Explorers) and even conquering the Earth (Our Man Bashir). White characters that clearly dominate the television landscape have been allowed to cope with these issues for years. For black viewers, seeing themselves portrayed as real flesh-and-blood characters who cope with and ultimately solve life's great challenges is a rarely enjoyed breath of fresh air.

In addition to presenting well-rounded black characters, DS9 presents blacks interacting and succeeding in a multi-racial world. Most black shows, especially black sitcoms, feature an all-black line-up. The characters find success and stature, but only among other blacks. The insidious implication which arises, intentionally or not, is that blacks can succeed among their peers, but not in the real world where it counts, DS9 shatters this antiquated notion by presenting black characters who successfully interact with people of all races, colors and creeds.

Considering its positive impact, it is all the more tragic that DS9, one of the best shows on television, is currently one of the least watched. For those in the 'cultural majority' who have yet to latch on to the DS9 phenomena, I invite you to sample what this well-made, thought-provoking science fiction program has to offer. To black viewers who crave quality television, I urge you to give this remarkable program a try. You might be surprised at what you find: a little piece of yourself.

ERIC WALLACE is a former Army brat and a freelance screenwriter living in Los Angeles. Since his escape from the rural South, he has become a much friendlier person.

#ds9 #trek magazines #benjamin sisko #jake sisko

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vulpisnocturna · 1 year

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My tired brain 🧠 possibly misunderstood, but hc requests are still open? If not disregard this ask, but if so what are your hc on Uchiha Males discovering their spouse or s/o, having an intrauterine device for birth control? I would say not done out of spite but just something their s/o has had for years (some IUDs last for 10 yrs or longer!). Maybe it was a slip of the tongue, since it’s not something most women spend all day thinking about. At least I don’t.

Maybe a slight misunderstanding over the whole scenario. It can be NSFW as well. 😈

HC requests are in fact still open, as they don’t take me long to write. Fic requests are closed.

Mhhh I’m not sure, this would be quite hard to gauge I think. I’ll try my best.

Uchiha Men finding out you have an IUD/views on contraception

Indra:

-This man would not be happy to hear you say you cannot conceive when he wants you to. He would absolutely tell you to get it removed ASAP. You don’t want children with him or something? Is that a joke? You need to give him an heir.

-If you tell him you’ve had it for a long time, he will retort that now you’re his wife and it is time to have a family with him.

- 10/10 commitment, 1/10 general approach, 0/10 women’s rights

Izuna:

-He’s secretly a sweetheart. He would ask you why you did it and if you’re comfortable removing it because he wants a family with you. If you’re not, he’ll try to coax you into it, but he won’t push too far. He wants peace for his clan as much as peace in his household.

-Will be asking routine updates on whether you’re ready to take it off.

- 7/10 general approach, 9/10 communication, 7/10 women’s rights

Madara:

-Is perplexed when he starts to see that no matter how many time he breeds you, you never get pregnant. There is no way he’s the problem. Could you be infertile? That’s not a thought Madara likes. He needs to pass on his genes, and he singled you out as the best woman to help him do that.

-So he asks you, and you tell him you cannot conceive at the moment because of your IUD. Madara is not happy. He isn’t going to be as controlling as Indra, but he will try to literally fuck the need to be bred into you. Will manipulate you into a breeding kink. And then he will dote on you, making sure you know how much he is committed to creating a family with you, how much he wants you to bear his children. Until you suddenly want it too and get that blasted thing removed. Another win for Madara.

- 6/10 general approach, 6/10 women’s rights, 8/10 gaslighting

Obito:

-This man will break you with simping. When he finds out, he’s genuinely upset and a little embarrassed. After all, he’s been raving about putting a child in you when you two were having sex and now he finds out it was literally impossible for him to do so.

-He will shower you with love, say he wants a family with you so badly, tell you how good you’d look pregnant, say how much he wants to be a father and how good of a mother you’d be.

-Genuine love bombing: Obito is genuine in the efforts he’s putting in. He’s not trying to manipulate you consciously, he just wants it that badly, and is so upset that you have that IUD and he can’t make it a reality. What you’ll do is up to you, but he’ll never stop nagging you.

- 7/10 general approach, 8/10 women’s rights, 10/10 simping

Shisui:

-Is the most normal about breeding kink. Will say it’s fine, but asks if one day, you might still be open to having children.

-Laughs it off with a sex joke.

-‘That’s good to hear, sweetheart, I’m not sure I can be trusted with pulling out in time’ he would laugh and joke.

-Sometimes will get thoughts of how cute it would be and how happy it would make him to make a family, and he asks how long you think you’re going to keep it.

-Engages in playful jokes about being a dad. Quick glances in your direction to see how you take it.

- 10/10 women’s rights, 9/10 general approach, 9/10 joking as a coping mechanism

Itachi:

-Itachi is completely understanding of the notion of contraception. After all, who would want a child when they’re not ready? But he does want a family with you, and if the time is right and he doesn’t plan to play suicide with Sasuke, he will want you to be the mother of his children.

-Will inquire when you got it… for purposes. You don’t need to know he’s counting down how much time is left until it gets removed

-Will also inquire what the purpose of the contraception is. Is it to be able to have sex without risks until you are ready, or are you planning to not have children at all? He needs to be reassured that you do want a family with him one day, even if it’s not today. He’s patient, but he needs the constant reassurance that one day, he can go wild and give in to his breeding kink. Being an Uchiha is not easy.

- 9/10 general approach, 10/10 women’s rights, 9/10 paranoia

Sasuke:

-You can do whatever you like, but he’s silently brooding over it. Secretly asks himself if you are trying to avoid having a family with him

-Wants to rebuild his clan with you. Will not say he wants you to get it removed. Will say “whatever”.

-You’ll have to go to him to have a conversation about it, and the fact that he wants a family has to be pulled out of his throat with pliers. You’ll have to do the leg work to communicate, but it’s really sweet once he lets go and is vulnerable enough to show you his true feelings.

- 3/10 general approach, 9/10 women’s rights, 10/10 emotionally stunted.

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novantinuum · 8 months

Text

Steven's Breakdown Was Inevitable From the Very Beginning

I feel like the thing that fucks me up the most about Steven Q. Universe and how well conceived he is as a character is that the fundamental building blocks of why he reached his breaking point in SU: Future were laid out as clear as day in the span of legit only the first four episodes of the original show. The writing was literally always on the wall that future him would struggle with matters of self worth and identity in relationship to the others around him.

Let's take a look:

Gem Glow

"Awesome! What are these things?"

Foundational Trauma #1: Steven's home is always either under threat or actively being wrecked by antagonistic forces/beings, and he constantly copes with this by pushing down his fear in favor of a curiosity and silver linings based mindset.

Look at his initial shock when he opens the door and gets tackled by one of these things, and then his response when one of them spits acid:

The kid's freaked the hell out about all this, and while I do think there's a part of Steven that genuinely IS curious about what these lil critters are, I think he's subconsciously using that curiosity as a way to distract himself from his own fears and anxieties. This is Steven actively learning how to ignore the deeper problems in favor of emoting a facade to the others in his life that he can totally handle himself in scary situations like these.

The underlying reason why is incredibly apparent, when you look at the example from the next episode-

Laser Light Canon

"I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me..."

Genuinely- from the bottom of my heart- I think the above quote from Greg is a moment where his own insecurities around the Gems actually rubbed off on Steven.

At this point in time, Steven may be living with the Gems... but he hasn't started to harness any of his powers at all, so in his own head he might as well be the same as his dad- another human, just one who happens to have a gem! But the way Greg talks about himself... given Steven was living with him in the van for years before moving in to the beach house, he had to have heard negative self-talk from his dad like this before.

And then there's the rest of the Crystal Gems... always speaking of Rose with such reverence as if she were an all-powerful goddess... and Steven can't help but look back at himself, and his gem that won't work... the gem that the others still identify as Rose's...

"Your gem-! You have Rose's gem!"

And maybe he starts to wonder if- without any working powers- he's just a plain ol' dope like his Dad, too.

"Please work... Unlock! Activate! Go! Please-!! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless!"

Foundational Trauma #2: Steven has Rose's gem, and as such, is constantly living under the silent expectation to live up to a standard that he simply cannot ever hope to achieve, because he doesn't KNOW her and he never will.

I want to highlight one of Steven's expressions while his dad is talking about Rose- look at that sad look. My god, I just wanna hug him. This is the expression of a child who has already come to terms with the fact that his only relationship with his mom is through the rose tinted stories that other people tell him about her.

Cheeseburger Backpack

So. Steven has learned so far that he needs to push down his feelings and emote a false veneer of cheer and bravery even when he's afraid, because the rest of the people in his life have expectations and hopes for him due to the legacy of his parentage and he can't bear the thought of letting them down. (And in a sad way, at this point "letting them down" literally just means... being an ordinary human boy. I believe Steven at this stage of the show is flat out scared to be human, because to be human is to fail at being a Gem, and no amount of love and sacrifice in the name of humanity in the seasons to come could've ever saved him from the fundamental fact that the wedge between him and this whole half of his being was already drawn long before the events of season 1 even started. But I digress.)

Let's see where we go from there. Let's check out Steven's first "mission." Or as Pearl puts it about 35 episodes later, his first "test."

"Yeah... they can't all be winners."

This episode is tinted with a little bit of tragedy for me on rewatch, because I genuinely do think the Gems handled the situation as well as they could've. They were supportive of Steven's successful ploys, and (for the most part) responded with grace when he majorly blundered and left the Goddess Statue at home. The main problem, however, is that Steven has already developed a bit of a complex about impressing the three of them-

Foundational Trauma #3: Even when they claim otherwise, Steven has convinced himself that affection from the Gems is transactional, and that when he messes up he's not truly a part of the Crystal Gems.

Of course we the audience know this isn't true- I mean, hell, Amethyst even said as much in episode one after her slip-up ("and you're fun to have around, even if your gem IS useless!")... that the Crystal Gems wouldn't be the same without him. But Steven... the poor kid is a complicated little guy living a complicated life, and whether they intended it or not, the language used they've used around him thus far has not backed up their attempts at fully embracing him, human parentage and all.

Thus, Steven just spends the entire episode wracked with anxiety trying to find creative non-power using ways to make the mission easier so he can convince them he's useful to have around.

Look how nervous he gets even when all three of them are visibly and vocally supportive of his presence here:

This is the face of a boy who feels like he's under constant judgement and scrutiny from those around him.

Blessedly, viewing this episode in isolation, he experiences a brief moment of mental respite where he finally accepts the Gems' encouragement and agrees that his ideas 'can't all be winners,' but this lesson does not stick for him moving forward. A shame, really.

Together Breakfast

"What's the matter, Steven?" "I wanted us all to have breakfast together, so I made Together Breakfast! But everyone keeps leaving..." "Oh, that's nice..."

Taken in context with what we've learned already in the last three episodes, Steven's desperation to spend quality time with the Gems here and his sadness that they keep leaving him alone doesn't just exist within a vacuum. He spends the whole morning watching them shuffle in and out of the temple, or come back from missions he wasn't invited on, and with the disastrous result of the LAST mission he went on probably fresh in his mind it's not hard to understand why this bothers him.

Foundational Trauma #4: Steven internalizes that the price of "not being useful" is that the Gems actively ignore him, meaning that the only way to guarantee their attention is to work as hard as he can to become a stronger member of the team.

I know this screenshot is usually used as a lighthearted meme, but I wanted to include it because I think it's a good example of how Steven's intense desire to impress permeates every facet of his personality at times. Just LOOK at how desperate he is to make Garnet laugh at his joke, to be the one that's at very least "fun to have around," as Amethyst put it in episode one.

The Gems do eventually drop what they're doing to spend time with Steven by the conclusion of this episode, but this only comes after Steven shows his growing strength and "proves" himself by saving their butts from the breakfast monster.

If he successfully gained their attention in literally any other way he might've come away from this episode with a different lesson, but no. Instead, his fears were proven true- the Gems value strength and utility, and if he's not exhibiting that, then what use is he to them?

These fears of his can be seen weaving throughout the foundational fabric of the entire show, but I think Steven lays out what he sees as his "stakes" in the clearest way possible in the episode 'An Indirect Kiss.'

"But- if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst, or Garnet, o-or Pearl, and- I-I can't go on missions!"

And these same insecurities even rear their ugly head as late as the movie.

"I can't believe this... for the first time in years, everyone's in danger, everybody needs me, and- I'm useless!"

Powers = Utility = Worth = Other's love, for Steven. Everything is transactional to the end, which is a hilarious double standard he's set for himself when he's made his reputation as the kid who always listens and encourages and gives others a chance to change, no matter their messy history with him.

So let's recap and restate those foundational traumas from Steven's perspective.

One: The only way to cope when your life is constantly under threat is to bury the damage and pretend to be fine.

Two: Everyone expects you to live up to the standards of someone you're not.

Three: The Gems only love you when you're of use to them.

Four: If you ever stop being useful, the Gems won't want anything more to do with you.

In sum, Steven's habit of burying his feelings for the benefit of others was there from the very beginning, not just since 'The Test.'

Those unreachable standards he felt so daunted and intimidated by all his life were the ones set by Rose, at first... but over the course of the series, the dynamic of this shifted. As Rose's influence fell into the background, Steven's rose into the front. And so it's with great irony that- by the time of Steven Universe: Future, the expectations this exhausted, worn down teenager is fighting to once again achieve are the ones HE set for himself. Many of young Steven's selfless actions during the war are quite admirable when analyzed in isolation, but almost none of them are sustainable. He set himself on fire just to save the world, but teen Steven is genuinely unable to see this for what it is yet- as a tragic sacrifice of his own childhood. You can't burn your own ends for others forever, not at all. His breakdown was simply inevitable.

When it comes to the interconnected beliefs three and four, these are exactly why the ultimate confrontation at the end of I Am My Monster HAD to be one fueled by selfless love. Steven is at his absolute lowest at this point- he's everything he fears he's become, trapped in a form that's nearly incapable of reason. He's big and angry and spiky because that's a part of the facade- because a part of him WANTS to scare the Gems away, wants to be left alone forever, believing this the fate he deserves as price for his misdeeds.

In this form, by his own definitions he is NOT useful to the Crystal Gems at all.

But they don't care.

Because it never WAS about Steven's 'usefulness' to them, they simply love him for being Steven.

With this in mind, the conclusion of Steven Universe: Future wasn't just a salve to teen Steven's immediate struggles, it was a salve to the foundational insecurities that have been plaguing him his entire life.

And hopefully... from this point on... his family's shows of love and encouragement will be enough to finally convince Steven that he's more than worth their time...

No matter what path the future leads him on, and no matter what form he takes.

#su #su future #steven universe #su meta #my post stuff

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https-sourlimes · 4 days

Text

to the life you claimed insignificant ! . . .

featuring — jiaoqiu x gn!reader

synopsis: meeting your lover up again at the xianzhou luofu under a blue moon after his treacherous assignment succeeded. (the same day he has a dialogue with the merlin's claw)

consists of: 1k2+ of my word vomit. angst but with comfort eventually. MAJOR 2.5 QUEST SPOILERS (sfl and come back when you're done playing ^^). insert crying reader, my desperation during the coping stage. really, really encouraging and giving jiaoqiu a lot of love that he deserves.

when the alchemy commission receives cases of injuries after the false wardance's success, you are quick to arrive at the luofu that same evening, omitting all proper welcoming methods made for a guest and travelling all the way from the xianzhou yaoqing on a starskiff as soon as the news reaches your ear.

your heels clicking on the cobblestone floor rapidly, wandering across a cheerful, unsuspecting town in a pre-wardance bustling atmosphere with a burden in your chest.

stopping by the entrance of the working area, you encounter lingsha, who seems to be waiting for you in the first place.

"ah... i reckon that you are the guest general feixiao informed us about; she said you will be visiting–"

"jiaoqiu, the doctor. i'm his lover," lingsha is taken aback by the urgency in your voice as you compose yourself. "my apologies, miss, please lead the way."

"i understand your emotional state right now, please don't feel bothered, follow me."

there is no room for pleasantries, and lingsha seems to understand it as she says nothing more on the long walk from the port to the elixir research terrace. the thing you perceive about this place is that in contrast to the healer's market of the commission, it is silent; you can only hear the calm sound of waves crashing over white sand, buildings' dim lights and a few locals scattered around, all under the bright moonlight.

----

jiaoqiu stands out there again, this time no moze nor feixiao anywhere near, just him under the bright blue moon, inert and pensive. the calm breeze reaching his ears, he flutters them, his left hand resting on the railing. he tries picturing the scene of the glittering sky above those bubbling waves, mind travelling back to all that happened, only to grieve himself at the painful moment when he sat leaning against the wall, felt like being torn apart, eyes blurring, words incoherent. he could've done better than that, but his sacrifice has already done for the best.

it was a big loss, indeed. jiaoqiu cannot cry. his condition right now (for the sake of his eyes) does not allow him to. he swallows the choke stubbornly slinking in his chest that urges his tears to run while distracting the mind to something else, but when he thinks of you, he cannot help himself.

he avoids the ill feeling in his heart at the fact that he will never be able to see your pretty appearance ever again, set aside how your pouts and the faces you make surely appeal to him. he surrenders to the idea of watching you in his infirmary daily, concentrating on your work with the alchemy, even making his way to scare you off then pamper you with kisses later as to make up for it.

it's agonizing... he feels useless; his life is entirely upside down now perhaps all he can do is nothing other than sit still and be a burden to you, to the merlin's claw, and to moze most of the time. in the worst case, retiring from being a doctor.

"jiaoqiu?"

he steps back, surprise written across his face as he recognises that voice. that warm, honeyed voice that he longed to hear, but then if only his eyes were clear, he could sprint towards you and shove you up for a good breath-taking hug. yet he cannot. he smiles sadly and pictures the sight of you urgently running towards him in his mind by the clicking sound of your shoes on the stairs, your soft panting and the whispers you breathe. finally, he can feel you again, by your undeniable soft herb scent, his hand in your hair as you sink desperately in his embrace, your face buried in his shoulder.

"thank my lucky stars... you are safe," jiaoqiu hears that crack in your voice when you say it; he sighs in relief. after all that happened, you're still his, and even loving him so kindly like this.

"[name], is it really you?" he chuckles, heart warm. "travelling a long way here just to look for me?"

"of course!" you exclaim, voice angry. "who would have thought you'll screw yourself up this bad, huh??"

jiaoqiu will tease you for the cuteness he found in that sulky remark but he quickly falters when he senses warmth and dampness on his shoulder as you begin to shudder slightly.

"darling, are you..."

he halts. his grip around you tightens, heart twists. the injured foxian then lets out a sigh, his soothing manner on your back tender and reassuring.

"don't cry. you'll wound me badly for it," he coos. "there, there. i got you. it's okay, i got you."

you pull away, your hands resting on his face, your thumb gently brushing against his left eye, the amber colour opaque.

"my poor boy..." he heard you, jiaoqiu wishes he could see your face right now; he wouldn't want to forget it ever, his palms reach you in return, wiping away the tears that stained your cheeks.

and when you pull him in for a clumsy, desperate and affectionate kiss, your wet cheeks brush against his, jiaoqiu mind's rest assured, he needs you, needs your love more than anything he could risk his life for. you are always enough for him.

----

against all odds, jiaoqiu returns to the xianzhou yaoqing, it takes you quite an amount of time to make him feel used to the new circumstance and encourage him to continue his career as a healer with the support of the love of his life. everybody is surprised.

well, he can still make prescriptions based on your description and the picture in his mind of the condition the patient is in, no? the cooking is done by you with his instructions, and you're doing the best you can for him, motivated by chaste love and care.

you find yourself engaging in most cooking sessions with him. without his eyes, jiaoqiu only relies on you to do the cutting and separating herbs and ingredients in portions, and you also never forget to help him get used to the feeling of cooking with a "blindfold" on as he insists.

"woah, slow down, jiaoqiu. here, let me help,"

jiaoqiu smiles fondly as he nudges affectionately against your scented hair, your grip firm on both his hands as you guide him to cut the veggies. you scoff.

"attention, please. don't sniff on my hair like that."

you shake your head slightly with a sigh, knowing too well that this cooking session will end with a clingy jiaoqiu greedily requesting more of your kisses, probably leaving the kitchen and the meal he wants to cook undone. no matter how extraordinary he is as a healer, he is just your baby...

that is a scenario on the bright side. and, admittedly, this new life at times can be disheartening and demanding, there are countless times you have to hold his face with adoration, eyes pleading, your kisses on his cheeks are tender, clearing up his thought of the insignificant role he plays, convincing him into believing that he is your noteworthy, and perhaps... making him feel loved and cared for is your top priority – you were never an unimportant individual, my love. i love you.

nevertheless, you'll have to get used to new adjustments made specifically for your lover and pursue the cure that general feixiao promised him on that destined day. things are well settled, at least by now. and may the journey your future holds be calm and peaceful with the ones that you love most, jiaoqiu.

ending notes: please visit my big sister q (@/akutasoda) for her jiaoqiu fic – hold my hand, lean on me – where she ate and left no crumbs splendidly with the adjustments that you can possibly make for the pink fox after the 2.5 quest! (my ending probably sucks but it's a happy one for my own sake...) and shoutout to @/synqiri for proofreading this little piece!!!

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werywrenniethoughts · 9 months

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Help Wanted 2: Lets Talk About Sun (Spoilers for Help Wanted 2!)

Okay,

I've had some time to digest Help Wanted 2. What a freaking roller coaster. I'm assuming you all have played/watched/seen Help Wanted 2, so be advised if you haven't seen everything we have access to so far, I'll be bringing it up.

One thing I'll say upfront is its nice to know Sun and Moon ARE older like I theorized. They're tied to the Fall Festival which took place in 1970 per one of the prize collector posters and the fact they deal with the carousel. I think Steel Wool also tried to point out and confirm Moon is patient zero for....I guess I should say Vanny's influence in the PizzaPlex. He's definitely the favorite to be pitted against us. I'm STILL losing my mind over the Princess Quest Ending.

So, the DCA fandom has been all across the board, ranging from "I love sassy Sun" to "Sun is SO mean. This ruins my headcannon." I don't think it really does. At least, it doesn't have to.

Our first encounter with Sun in front of us is Arts and Crafts. This minigame is located in the world we eventually learn is AR. We also are clearly a new FazBear hire. Sun is definitely sassy, and let's face it, VERY critical of what he defines as a mistake. BUT the flip side of that coin is he is still nice when you do the art correctly. He calls you friend, he wants to help you. If the player eats the crafts, he loses his mind. It's because he's worrying for the player due to the effects eating the crafts will have on them, ie: "That is how you get ulcers!". (By far, MY FAVORITE line of Sun's btw. Kellen stated that line and the indigestion line were both improved btw- genius.) He still doesn't want Moon to get you, he doesn't want to get in trouble. The one threat is after you've been hitting him several times and you've outright pissed him off. (I personally, think the "I should turn off the lights myself" was a drama king being a drama king.) Then we take the mask off. We see everything destroyed and Sun acts like the Sun we've always known. "I'm perfectly fine where I am. It's better this way. It's safer this way." "Keep the generator on. Without it I won't be able to help you." He's the same as he's always been. We've just seen a new layer.

What we ultimately have to come to terms with, is that Sun is a control freak and a perfectionist. He thinks he "has" to be. He doesn't want you to move from your craft table so he can watch you like a hawk. Do the job you are assigned. Get in, get out. Do the art HIS way, and follow HIS rules. If you don't, bad things can happen. Bad things HAVE happened. Another explanation could also be that maybe he isn't as free of the glitch trap virus as we thought? He can be sassy, he can be brutally honest, he can be concerned for us, for children, and his own darkness can rear its head, all at the same time.

Steel Wool could also be trying to slam into our faces that Sun is incomplete. He is one-half of a whole. He has good intentions, he means well at his core, but he cannot stop, regroup, and act rather than react. He gets stressed, and can't cope and adjust. Instead, he demands control back when he feels like he's about to lose it. Moon is calm, calculating, and logical. It's why they need to be whole and why Sun is so grateful to Cassie when she fixes them to become Eclipse. As Eclipse, they both find the parts of themselves they've so desperately needed.

#fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun #fnaf dca #help wanted 2 spoilers #fnaf theory #sun and moon fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf the daycare attendant #daycare attendent #sundrop #fnaf sundrop #fnaf eclipse

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mphoenix-7 · 2 months

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Bitter Allies [Soap x Reader]

Chapter 10: The Cabin: Day 5 (pt.1)

Summary: You and Soap both struggle to sleep. You have nightmares all night while Soap tries to rationalize his feelings and help you cope with the nightmares.

Word Count: 6,821

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, swearing, angst, strong language, slight smut, nudity, graphic description of blood in nightmares

A/N: I had a few comments on Wattpad asking for a specific scene for this chapter, so I modified the chapter to include that. Please enjoy, like, comment, and reblog 🫶🏻

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Bitter Allies • Part 10

No matter what he does, Soap cannot get to sleep tonight. It not like he's too hot, and he wasn't horribly uncomfortable in his bed either. Yet, he's been tossing and turning for hours. While there was no way of telling time, he knows it has to be past midnight at this point.

He's not completely clueless as to what's keeping him up though. Any time he tries to quiet his mind, it always end up wandering back to the woman lying silently in her cot a few feet away from him. He can't stop thinking about you. About what happened today, or in this case, what happened yesterday. Within the last twenty-four hours.

It wasn't even the fact he faced off with a black bear. Hell that didn't really scared him much. He was a well traveled soldier was this point and had survived the wilds of Russia. He'd learned how to handle wild animals of all sorts. No, the thing bothering him was feeling like he almost lost you today.

Having sex with you just the day before had opened his eyes to new feelings he felt towards you. It was easy to push that down with time and put his walls back up. He could just call it a mistake and move on, pretend like it meant nothing. But something as drastic as hearing you scream in terror, begging for him to get to you, looking so frightened and small and vulnerable, shaking and sobbing as he held you... it was different than just having sex.

At least with sex, he could blame his new feelings on the fact you'd done something so intimate. He felt different towards you cause you made him feel good, because sex makes people feel closer to each other, because it was exciting and fun, because he normally didn't sleep around just for fun, so doing it as a one time thing was confusing for him. There were a million excuses to explain how he felt. But with what happened with the bear, he couldn't fully rationalize those feelings.

When he heard you scream, his blood ran ice cold. He'd never felt such panic at the thought that you might be in trouble. Even thinking about it now makes his heart beat a little faster. Then when he finally got to you, and you looked so scared, something in him just snapped. He wanted to protect you, but not in the same way he wanted to protect his brothers and sisters in arms. He couldn't explain it.

Once that bear had run off, all he wanted to do was get to you. Make sure you were ok. The thought of you being hurt filled him with dread. It wasn't like that with his other squad mates. If the 141 boys got hurt, he'd be worried and concerned, but with you he'd almost felt sick. He didn't think of himself as sexist, but maybe it was because you were a woman. But he'd worked with other women before and never felt that way about one he liked let alone you, who he couldn't stand.

Then when you started trembling, he could have died. He had to fight off the urge to wrap you up in his arms and hold you close to him. He probably would have had you not been naked. Even if he could brush or excuse everything else, this was one thing he couldn't explain. He had never felt such a stong urge to want to hold someone. The only other time he could think of having a feeling that strong would have been when his sisters got scared when they were kids. He'd certainly never wanted to hug Ghost or the others or any other female he'd worked with.

Then of course once you got inside, and you wouldn't shut up about how you almost died, that kept bringing up all those feelings tenfold. He couldn't stop thinking about himself not being fast enough. Not getting to you in time. Feeling panicked, filled with dread, wanting to hug you close to him and never let go.

He couldn't make sense of it. Had these feelings always been here, and they'd just been hidden behind layers and layers of hate and resentment? And when you'd finally cleared your minds, is that when it could finally come through. God... did he actually like you? And more than just another teammate.

Soap growls, slapping his hands over his hands and dragging them down. He was going insane. This cabin was making him absolutely insane. He wanted to go back so desperately to when it was simple, but there was no turning back now. Hell, he still had the rest of today with you and then two more days past that. But maybe it wouldn't be so bad. You had "started over" after all. You'd even done that stupid little bid of reintroducing yourselves to each other.

A huff leaves Soap as he thinks about that. Fuck it'd been so fucking cute. Your annoyingly adorable pout when he didn't shake your hand right away and even more adorable look when he had. He'd never thought of you as cute. Annoying fit, but not adorable. Something had changed, and he didn't like it, but he did.

He glances over to where you lay, fast asleep and breathing peacefully. You're on your side facing him, his liner pulled up right to your chin. It's so dark out he can't really make out your face. The wood stove between your cots, which normally did have a fire going during the night, was currently not being used. It was a warmer night, so he decided there was no point in starting a fire. The only light source was coming from the moon, but it was only a half moon. It barely illuminated the room.

Soap is about to give up on trying to sleep for the night and go to the kitchen and draw or maybe journal for a bit. Or as Gaz would say, write in his diary. Whatever you wanted to call it, writing things out helped get stuff off his mind.

He's about to get out of bed when he hears a faint whimper from your side of the tiny room. He stills for a moment, looking over at you when you do it again. Your cot makes the God awful creaking sounds it always makes whenever you move the slightest bit, and Soap watches you curl into a tight ball. You're starting to breathe heavy, taking very small gasps, and he knows you're having a nightmare.

You sound like you had right after the bear attack, only on a smaller scale. He frowns at he listens to you, only able to tolerate it for a few seconds before he's slipping out of bed and taking the two quick steps to your side.

He kneels down, able to see your face a little better now that he's closer. It's pinched up, your brows furrowed and lips turned downward in a frown. He feels the longing in his chest once again to hug you close to him and comfort you, but he won't let himself. Instead, he places a hand on your arm, giving you a very gentle shake to try and wake you up from whatever is plaguing you.

"Oi, lass." He whispers softly. "Hey, States. Wake up." He adds a little louder when you don't come out of sleep the first time.

You startle awake, taking in a big gasp of air and jumping. Your hand flies out to grab at his arm, and he lets you sit up. Your eyes are widened in fear, and he quickly tries to calm you down.

"Hey, easy." He tells you gently. "You were having a nightmare."

"O-oh.." He hears you weakly mutter. "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

Soap frowns at your question and shakes his head. "Nah, I was already up."

"Why are you still? Can't you fall sleep?" You ask, and he knows he can't tell you the real reason why he's awake. That he can't sleep because you were tormenting his mind.

"It's just a bit warm is all. I'm too hot to get comfortable." It wasn't a complete lie, just a half truth. "I'll be fine. Go back to sleep, aye?" He gets up, moving back over to his cot and setting down. He hears you mumble an "alright" before your cot starts squeaking again as you settle.

Soap stares up at the ceiling, you now in the forefront of his mind once again. All those odd unexplainable feelings from earlier had resurfaced, and he had to push them all back down once more. He just needed to sleep it off. Maybe his mind was just tired, and he wasn't thinking straight. That had to be it. He'd think more clearly in the morning.

He tries to sleep, but he still can't get himself to drift off. Cursing softly and kicking his blanket off in frustration, he fishes out his journal from under his pillow and gets up to go into the kitchen. It's not much brighter out there, but the small table sat by the window allowed for slightly more light to come in.

Opening his journal to a new page, he begins to scribble his feelings into the book. He writes about the argument from the morning, about the things he said to you. He writes about hearing your voice and how it made him panic. About the bear, how small you felt, about the moments right after and how he hates that you make him feel this way. He hated you long before this, and now he just had more reasons to add to that. More reasons to hate you.

But then why can't I hate you...

The last words he wants to write in his journal don't make it down onto the paper as his attention is torn away from the book. A sob is coming from the bedroom. Standing before his mind can catch up, he opens the bedroom and peaks inside. You're asleep again, he's pretty sure, back on your side and sobbing. Your breath has a panicked rhythm, more so than before.

And then, if it wasn't hard enough, he hears you call his name in a mumbled and slurred speech. Pleading with him, crying for him, and it's like his heart being ripped from his chest. Like he's reliving the encounter with you, and he can't stand it anymore.

In a few quick strides, he's back to your side, gently shaking you awake again.

***

Big black sharp claws, a horrible pain in your stomach, blood staining the clear water, guts floating up right before your eyes. Your guts. The pain is intense, feeling like a burning sensation. You scream, hands gripping onto black fur and pushing away the animal that is trying to bit at your throat. Your arms shake as you struggle to hold the beast back. You scream again, this time for the one man you know is here to help you.

Please, you don't want to die like this...

The bear's head turns and bites your arm, pain radiating where its teeth sink in. You let go, ripping your arm free, but also ripping the flesh from your arm and leaving the bones bare. You don't know how you haven't passed out yet.

As you look at your arm, screaming in horror at the all too real visual, the bear lunges, teeth sinking into your throat. Your head is pinned to the side as the pain sinks in, as breathing becomes harder.

Through your tears, you see him. Standing on the side of the lake shore, looking out towards you. His arms are crossed, his expression stern. You beg him to help you, the words coming out even despite the animal crushing your throat. You plead, reaching out your mangled arm to him, but he turns away. He disappears into the trees, leaving you behind.

You thought you could trust him... you remember starting over... why was this happening?

The bear forces you under water then, its large body pinning you to the bottom on the lake, head thrashing as it tears at your throat. You gasp, somehow able to breathe in the water, and when your eyes open it's pitch black.

The pressure is still on your chest, the burning in your stomach and neck, but you're able to move better. Maybe it let you go, but you can't see anything. You sit up, gasping and blindly grabbing at the air in front of you to grab the bear before it can get you again. You miss every time though until it grabs your arms again, and you cry out as you duck away, fearing it's going to get you again.

As you duck, your head sits something solid, and you pause. The pain starts to leave your body, besides your head, and you realize you're not in water anymore. You make out a window that has a tiny bit of moonlight shining through it and realize you'd hit your head right on the frame. Then your ears start to work and you hear someone saying your name.

"States please! You're having a nightmare! Lass, you're just dreaming, it's alright!"

You immediately recognize the Scottish accent, but you don't quite interpret the message he's giving. The freshest memory you have of him is of him walking away while you got mauled. You rip your arms away, trying to get away, but you can't. A hard wall blocks you in.

"No!! Get away! You left! You fucking left me to die!" You scream at him, still not in the right mind.

He puts his hands on your thighs by your knees, rubbing soothing shapes with this fingers. "Shhh, it's alright. You were having a nightmare. You're alright. Please, calm down. It's alright." He coos over and over again. "Just a nightmare. Deep breaths. Come back to me, hen."

Your breathing starts to slow slightly as your mind separates reality from dreamscape. Memories of what actually occurred flood your head, but now you're just left with the raw feeling of terror from what you made up. You cry, hands covering your face as you remember the fear, the pain, the feeling of teeth and ripping flesh.

You feel yourself move, being pulled into Soap's chest. His large arms wrap around your body and hold you firmly against him. He guides your head to lay on his shoulder, forehead tucked against his neck. You don't fight it, maybe because you're still kind of out of it, maybe because it feels nice. He's so warm, he's whispering gentle things to you in a deep voice, and his hands rub soft circles on your back as you sob.

"I've got ya... It's alright now. You were just dreaming. Just a nightmare." He repeats, one of his hands gently cradling the back of your head and bushing softly through your hair.

"I-I-t-it was-s hor-horri-ble..." You finally choke out, beginning to hyperventilate more than cry.

"I know... I know..." Soap says softly, holding you a bit tighter while you struggle for air. "It's ok though. Just breathe for me."

"It attacked me... I felt its teeth in my throat, and it cut me open, and you were th-there..." You're just making yourself upset all over again as you recall everything that happened. "You just watched. You wouldn't help, and then you left me..."

"Oh hell, lass..." Soap frowns as he listens to you somewhat explain your dream through broken words. "It wasn't real, hen. It wasn't real."

"But it felt real..." You whimper.

"Hey, look at me." Soap says gently, moving his hand to your chin and pulling you away from him just slightly. Your eyes meet his, and you can just barely make out the whites from his bright blue irises. "It was not real. I know it felt like it, but it wasn't. I know we fight a lot. I know we are a pain in each other's asses, but listen to me. You are still 141. I will always have your back. No bear is going to get you on my watch. You hear me? Don't you think for one second that I would just leave you. When I heard your scream, I never run so fast in my damn life to get to you."

You're left speechless when he's done. How do you respond to something like that? It was so sweet, so heartfelt, so not the Soap MacTavish you knew. You'd been seeing small glimpses of this softer side of his, but nothing like this. His words are a soothing balm to the terrors you dreamt of, and you've never been so grateful to have him here with you.

"Soap..." You whisper, holding his gaze and allowing your body to ease itself of tension. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do." He drops his hand from your chin, settling it on your hips instead. "I don't want you dead. I don't not like you that much."

You laugh softly, probably because you're exhausted. It was a long day, and to top it off, nightmares sort of took a lot out of you. At least he didn't hate you. He wouldn't be here holding you in his arms if he did.

"Thank you." You tell him softly. "For everything. For coming to save me, for giving me your shirt, for making me soup, and calming me down, and... I really appreciate it."

"Don't do that. You don't need to do that. My mum would have beheaded me if she knew I didn't help a lady in distress. Plus, I just couldn't stand the sound of your cot when you thrash around." He grumbles, but you know he doesn't mean that.

"Well, my parents wouldn't be happy if I didn't acknowledge it." You throw back at him. "Plus I don't want to hear you bitch about how I never even said thank you."

"Brat." Soap chuckles. "Go to sleep. Don't need you to be grouchy tomorrow."

You're smiling, but it quickly fades at the idea of going to sleep. Despite Soap making you feel better, the nightmares still tickles at the back of your mind. Just waiting for you to shut your eyes so it can take over once more.

"I... I might stay up for a little bit." You say slowly.

"I know you're exhausted. You had a stressful day. Get some sleep, lass." He tells you softly, trying to gently push you to lay down, but you don't let him.

"But what if I have another nightmare?"

Soap pauses for a moment when you say that. You can't make out his expression in the dark, but you feel like he's clenching his jaw. There's a beat of silence before he continues.

"Then I'll be right here." He assures you. "You'll be alright."

"Well, I don't want to keep waking you up."

"Eh, you haven't yet. Still hadn't been able to get to sleep. Don't worry about me though." Soap starts to gently nudge you to get you to lay done. You're a bit reluctant, but you let him. You sink back onto your cot, the springs creating a symphony of whiny metallic screeches as you do. "Fucking hell, I hate your bed so much." He grumbles.

You roll your eyes, sighing heavily. You would argue more with him about your squeaky cot, ask him how he thinks you felt having to sleep on it, but you're actually pretty tired. So you opt to just lay back and hope you won't dream at all.

"Alright. But if I wake you up though I'm not gonna feel bad." You yawn softly.

"Yeah whatever, you-" Soap pauses to yawn as well. "Probably wouldn't have regardless." He finishes.

You giggle a little bit. "Goodnight, Soap."

"Night, States."

***

You're not sure what time it is, but you wake up in a cold sweat, Soap gently shaking your arm. Your cheeks are damp, and it still takes you a second to figure out that you're not dreaming anymore. Although you are getting quicker at coming around with each time he wakes you up.

You still grab his wrist in a death grip, breathing heavily as you look in the dark at him. He's still shushing you softly like he had the other times, though he sounds a lot more tired now. You're definitely waking him up.

"Hell, States. You're fine. Just another nightmare." He says, rubbing his face with his free hand when you won't let go of his other hand immediately. "It's alright, lass. Can you let go of my arm?"

You blink a few times, coming back once again. His words take a few seconds to register, and you release him once they do. You're far past feeling guilty now. You've woken him up a few times now. The nightmares are not letting up or going away.

"Sorry... Fuck what the hell is wrong with me..." You sigh, drying your cheeks on your shirt as you sit up. This was probably the fifth time now. It had to be close to 0400 but it's too hard to tell. The room was still in total darkness, so you know it's not quite 0700 yet.

Soap sighs softly, stinking down to sit on the edge of your bed, making the springs make a horrid noise. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're just dealing with a lot. Processing stuff. You'll probably be fine tomorrow."

"I want to be fine now." You complain. You felt bad for keeping him awake. If it was just you, you wouldn't care, but this was exhausting for Soap too.

"Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Only thing you can do is just go back to sleep."

You can tell he doesn't really want to stay up with you. He wants to sleep, and you can't blame him. He's been up all night essentially and any sleep he is getting is being interrupted. You're honestly surprised he hadn't snapped at you yet.

"The sun's gotta be rising soon. I think I'm just going to stay up." You say, pushing the liner down and pulling your legs free.

"You don't know that. Could be only 0200 for all we know." He counters, but he doesn't push it. "But if you wanna stay up for a bit though that's fine. I just wanna sleep. I'm fucking tired."

You frown, watching as he gets up and drags his feet as he walks over to his side of the room. "I know you are. I'm sorry."

"Eh," Soap waves a hand back towards you as he crawls back into his cot. "It's fine. You can't help it." He yawns, the sound a little obnoxious and dramatic. "Just don't stay up too long." He adds, already half asleep the second his head hits his pillow.

"Alright." You agree, not even sure he's heard you. After a few minutes, he's already softly snoring.

You carefully try to get off your cot, wincing as the squeaking from the springs echo in the quiet room. Soap's snoring continues on uninterrupted though. Normally, you moving even the slightest bit would make him wake up and gripe, so that was a testament to how out of it he truly was.

The rest of the walk to the bedroom door is silent in comparison once you're off your cot. Even the slight squeak of the door hinges is nothing. Once you're in the kitchen, you can breathe a sigh of relief, glad to finally give Soap a little time to actually get some sleep. Though now you're cursed with trying to find something to do to occupy your mind.

It's far too dark to do something like read. You could use the flashlight, but you don't want to waste the batteries on something like that. You'd rather have it for emergencies. Cooking was also out of the question. The pots and pans and the smell of food would probably just wake Soap up again. Plus it was dark still. It was a little hard to cook without being able to see what you're doing.

You can, however, make yourself a drink. It was just a mixture of purified water from your cantina and a cherry flavoring packet, but it was something to occupy your mind for a few seconds and gave you something somewhat tasty to drink.

You set about digging through the box for the flavor you want, finding what you hope is a red and not an orange packet. When you tear it open though, a strong scent of cherry confirms it was the right flavor. You mix it into some water, trying to stir your cup quietly. Every time the spoon hits the side of the metal cup, it sounds so loud in the quiet night air.

You're about done with your stirring and are about to go sit at the little table when you hear a stick snapping somewhere outside. You inhale sharply, your body going tense. You try to rationalize with yourself that it's nothing. Just a deer or something else. But of course your sleep deprived, stressed out, overactive, brain thinks it's the bear.

No matter how much you tell yourself it's nothing and to calm down, your heart rate just keeps getting higher and higher. You can't make yourself calm down. Even if your rational brain knew it wasn't in danger, that didn't keep all the sensors from firing off.

Then you hear another twig snap, this one closer to the cabin. A horrible shiver runs up your spine as you imagine it is the bear. Smelling you from outside, right outside the door. It could just bust down that door and get you. And it's dark out, its fur would blend in so well that you wouldn't even see it coming.

That's enough to set you off. Your hands shake as you try to place your cup down somewhere it won't spill. You just want to be back in your bed. Right by Soap. An extra door between you and whatever else is outside.

The cup doesn't quite make it though. What was most likely just a crab apple from a nearby tree falls and lands on the roof by the deck. It rolls from the roof and hits the deck, making a thumping sound, which makes you jolt. Your frazzled mind doesn't think it's a nut though. You imagine it's the sound of a bear knocking something over outside while it makes its way up onto the deck.

You are in full panic mode. Water spills over the rim of the cup as you jump, and you hurriedly set it down. Once your hands are free, you bolt back into the bedroom. You don't mean to, but you end up slamming the door in your hurry. It doesn't immediately occur to you how loud it was, but it was enough to wake Soap up.

The poor Scot jumps awake, the loud bang nearly giving him a heart attack. He's on high alert as his eyes search the darkness for what caused the loud sound. He's drawn instantly to your dark figure by the door, and he can hear you breathing heavily but quietly.

"States?" You hear him ask hesitantly. "What the hell? What's wrong?"

You flinch when you hear his voice. You'd managed to wake him up yet again. Though you feel an odd mix of guilt and relief. You hate to admit it, but there is a part of you that is happy he's awake.

"There.. there's something outside..." You say softly, as though the imagery thing out there would hear.

"What?" Soap asks. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"There was a noise! I heard something on the porch and-and-"

"Oh Christ." Soap sighs. "Lass, it's probably nothing." He tries to reassure you, but you don't budge. Your tense figure stays standing in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around yourself as you watch the door.

"But-"

Then you hear a loud bang, and your heart jumps to your throat. It definitely came from outside. There was no way something in the kitchen had fallen over. You quickly back up until you're at Soap's side, tears collecting at the rim of your vision. Your heart is pounding, and you're doing everything you can to not have a full panic attack.

"See! I told you! What if the bear is back!?" You cry out.

Soap up on his feet instantly. Seeing him so alert only makes you want to panic more though. If he is this ready to go, then it really could be that the bear was back.

"What are you doing?!" You ask him, unable to keep the panic from your voice.

"I'm just gonna go check it out. I'll be right back." He tells you rather calmly. You're anything but calm though.

"No! Don't do that! What if something happens?!" You grab his arm before he can leave, making him look back at you.

"I doubt the bear is back. That thing was scared shitless. Just stay here. I'll only be a minute." He gives your hand a little pat, and despite any further protesting from you, he leaves to go check the sound out.

You have an internal debate with yourself on if you should go with him or not. You are terrified to face off with that black bear again, but you also don't want Soap to be by himself if it is back. Sure, he scared it off the first time, but you wanted to have his back like he had yours. After a few seconds of going back and forth in your head, you finally give in and rush after him.

"Soap! Wait up!" You sigh, running to catch up with him in the kitchen.

By the time you get there, Soap has already grabbed the flashlight and is shining it out the windows on the side where the banging sound had come from. His hand is cupped by his eyes as he looks around.

"I don't see anything out there." He assures you as you stand close to him, too scared to look for yourself.

"Well the bear is black. Kinda blends in right now." You mutter, chewing on your lip.

Soap huffs softly, standing up straight again as he looks back over to you. "Most bears sleep during this time. I am pretty certain it's not out there.

"Then what was that loud sound? Huh?" You worry, frowning at him. Soap groans, and you watch in confusion and then panic as he goes the door. "Don't fucking go out there! Are you crazy?!"

He's already out the door though, shining the light outside and looking over the porch. You manage to make yourself go to the doorway, watching him helplessly as he scouts it out.

"There's a bucket out here that's been knocked over. It was pro- Jesus! Fucking!" Soap jumps suddenly, taking a quick step back towards the door, which makes you jump.

"What?? What?!?" You shout, bouncing on your heels slightly as you try to make yourself stay and not run. You feel like your heart is going to explode it's beating so hard.

Soap takes a deep breath, placing a hand over his chest to calm himself down. "Just a fucking raccoon. Scared the shit out of me. See, have a look." He motions for you to come look as he shines the light.

Your feet stay firmly planted, but you do strain to look outside, and you can see a raccoon in the middle of the yard, its eyes glowing due to the light shining on it. It's frozen in place, on its way back to the woods. Then it suddenly turns and runs the rest of the way back.

"It probably just knocked that bucket over. Looking for food or something." Soap pieces together, turning and heading back inside. He shuts the door and places the flashlight back on its shelf. "No bear though. Come on, let's get back to bed."

You still haven't left your spot, trembling as you still don't feel safe. You know it's irrational to think the bear is still out there, even though Soap just proved it was most likely just a raccoon you'd been hearing, but you can't help it. The only thing that makes you move is when Soap comes over and gently grabs hold of your hips, trying to pull you away from your frozen state.

You resisting at first, but it doesn't take much for Soap to get you walking back to the bedroom. Your arms are folded over your chest, shivering both from fear and because the opened door has let some of the chilly night air in.

"Fuck. You're shaking again." Soap sighs, his hand rubbing your back as he guides you through the bedroom door. "You need to relax and stop working yourself up."

"I can't help it!" You frown, your exhausted mind breaking down a bit. "I've had fucking I don't even know how many nightmares about it now. I'm so tired, but I'm scared to sleep. But if I stay awake, then every little sound makes me imagine the bear just stalking the outside of the cabin! I just want to sleep..." You let out a little sob.

"Oh, States... you're killing me." Soap sighs, giving your back a few pats. "Here, come give me a hand real quick." He leaves your side, and you watch him out over to your cot. You're confused at first and then wince as the railing of your bed make jarring sounds as he moves it.

"What are doing?" You ask him, plugging one ear to help mute the sound.

"I'm moving your cot next to mine for the night." He explains. "Come give us a hand." He walks around to the side and gives it a push, essentially doing all the work himself. The beds are already close to being next to each other.

"You really don't have to-" You try to protest, but with a final shove, the beds are now side by side, almost creating one mattress.

"There." Soap sighs, crawling over yours and settling onto his own. "Come on. I'm tired." He pats your mattress firmly. "Get your ass in this bed and go to sleep." He grumbles, readjusting his pillow and blanket while he speaks.

"Was that really necessary?" You question, though you really don't feel like arguing.

"Yes." Soap says firmly. "Now I don't have to keep getting up. You have another nightmare, I'm just going to kick you. You start blabbering about a bear, and I can just slap you."

His explanation, though a little harsh sounding, makes you smile a bit. He was clearly doing this so you felt safer. Also probably cause he truly was sick of you waking him up, but the sediment was there. Slowly, you walk over to the bed and sink down onto the mattress, fidgeting until you get comfortable. It pulls a long groan from Soap.

"That sounds even worse up close..." He complains, making you smile again.

"We could trade cots you know." You offer, getting a dry laugh from him.

"Yeah, not a chance. Sleep tight, States."

"Sweet fucking dreams." You mumble back.

***

You're out in the middle of the lake, the sun is shining on your back as you scrub your front with a wash cloth. The water is warm for once, you notice. It feels like you're taking a regular bath back at your parent's home in the US, expect for the fact you're outside. You're completely unaware of your surroundings, not paying any mind to what's around you as you bathe. It's so peaceful out, you don't feel the need to.

A twig snapping somewhere off in the distance breaks the visage of peace. You gasp and quickly turn to scan the woods for any dangers. All you see is the lush greenery. The only movement is from the wind blowing through the leafs. You want to go back to bathing, but you just can't shake the feeling that something is with you.

Then a pair of red eyes can be seen in the middle of out of the bushes. The red is a stark contrast to the green leafs, and you find yourself freezing as you stare into them. Slowly, the eyes get closer, a nose and head appearing as a snarling bear shows itself. You gasp, feeling yourself shrink down. The fear that had been clawing at you starts up again, making your heart pound in your chest.

Then, you feel something behind you. Something sharp grabs onto your sides, teeth sink into the side of your neck. You scream, trying to get away, but the thing behind you pulls you back, not letting you escape so easily. Terror fills you, and you think the bear has somehow gotten behind you. But then the bear talks.

"Sorry, love. Didn't mean to frighten you."

A deep Scottish drawl fills your ears. You pause as the sharp, what you thought were claws, smooth out and turn into warm palms. The teeth biting down on your neck ease up, and the stinging feeling turns into the warm press of lips. You're confused for a long moment.

"S-Soap?" You question, trying to look behind you. It's hard to turn your head though when the person's head is pressed into the side of your neck, leaving delicate kisses over where teeth had once been. You know it's him though.

"Soap, th-there's a bear! We need to go!" You try to urge him, completely ignoring the fact that you're naked and he's kissing you. "It's over there! Please! It's going to get us if w-"

"Don't you worry about that. It's not gonna get you as long as I'm here." He promises, a hand sliding up your body and cupping one of your breasts. His thumb circles at your nipple, pulling a gasp from you.

"What the hell are you doing?" You question him, grabbing at his hands as they cup your breasts. You look down, the sight making you feel heavy all of a sudden. "We need to get in the cabin." You attempt to leave, but Soap tightens his grip, pulling you firmly against him. You feel his firm, definitely naked body, against your backside. Even more shocking, you can feel an even firmer something else pressing into your lower back.

"You're safe with me, lass. Nothing is gonna try to harm you as long as I'm here. So you can relax. I've got you, hen."

He starts to kiss at the side of your neck once more, hitting every spot that makes you weak in the knees. Your eyes remain on the tree line, scanning for that bear. There is no sign of it now though. There is no longer a feeling of fear. Just a warmth and a feeling of safety. You start to involuntarily relax, putting more weight back onto Soap and letting him hold you.

"There we are..." Soap whispers to you, his hands starting to dip lower now. It slides down your stomach, fingers teasing the sensitive skin just above your pelvis. "You're safe. Not gonna let anything get you, bonnie."

You sigh, eyes fluttering a little as you feel his hips begin to rub against your ass. His member is thick and firm against you and slippery from the water. He's starting to breathe in your ear, the puffs slow and steady, matching the intensity of his movements.

"You gonna let me take care of you? Let me make you feel good. Let me help you relax a little bit." He whispers to you softly, his kisses trailing up the side of your neck, sucking little hickies here and there.

You're finding it hard to focus on anything but him anymore. The lake, trees, cabin, bear. All seem to fade into the foreground. You want to talk, but it's like your tongue had gone numb. It feels heavy in your mouth, all senses dim. It only to heightens every touch, kiss, and movement of him. All you can manage in response to him is a soft hum.

Then wordlessly, you feel his slick member dragging down along your backside and settling between your legs. He feels so hot against your throbbing need. You feel yourself arching to try and move his cock head to your entrance. It nudges it softly, making your whimper. You can feel him probing, his swollen tip poking around, looking for its way in. And when he finds it, and starts to sink in, you vision gets blurry, and the dream starts to fade.

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scribblesofagoonerr · 2 months

Text

— oh baby! | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

thank you so much to @lvnleah for giving me the idea inspired for this fic along with some of the ideas and thank you @alotofpockets for her help with the pictures as well as the ideas for this one, very grateful for you both! 💗

check out the rest of the buddy & monkey series here: the masterlist

"Will you please tell me what it is?" You all but pleaded, desperate to know the gender.

Jordan chuckled and shook her head in amusement, "Do you not know the meaning of the word surprise?" She lightly teased.

"No, well I do, but you know I don't like them!" You continued to tell her, having a pout on your face about the disappointment of not being able to know in advance.

As soon as you found out that Leah was pregnant, from day one you were so excited about the new baby and you were even more keen to know the gender.

However, that was difficult when Leah and Jordan were both determined to keep it under wraps until the gender reveal party that they were planning to have with their close family and friends in the back garden.

"That's a shame that you'll have to wait like everybody else," Leah found it amusing to watch you stew about finding out the gender, that even they didn't know as they had chosen to keep it hidden in the envelope that had been handed to Leah's mum to take care of it all.

"Come on, you can tell me! I can totally just act surprised when everyone else does!" You told her, grinning cheekily at the two women before you began to tuck into your dinner, "I'm a really good actor you know!"

Jordan let out a loud laugh and shook her head, "Oh no you definitely are not-- You cannot keep a secret to save your life, kid!"

"That hurts, you know? I'm deeply offended," You faux your heart and clutch your hand over your chest, "I have been able to keep great secrets!"

"Is that so?" Leah smirked and shook her head in disagreement, "I seem to recall differently about a birthday party." She joked, gesturing back to the 'surprise birthday party' for Kim and you had totally blabbed about it.

Shrugging your shoulders, you continued to tuck into your dinner, "I was caught off guard. I'm not good on the spot." You told them both.

"And that is exactly why you are not finding out the gender before everyone else is, kid," Jordan joked, walking past you and patting you on your shoulder, "You'll just have to wait in suspense until then."

"This is going to be complete torture!" You whined in protest, not liking the fact of having to wait to find out like everyone else, "I just wanna know already!"

"It's only a week you have to wait, I'm sure you'll cope," Leah joked, picking at her own dinner, "It'll be exciting for you to find out!"

"It's gonna be a girl! I know it is, I am convinced!" You stated determinedly the day before the big gender reveal, you had some gut feeling that it is bound to be a girl.

"Oh, you're so sure about that one, are you?" Leah was amused that you were absolutely determined that it was going to be a girl.

"Yes, I'm one hundred percent sure about it!" You told her with that same sense of determination, "I got a feeling that the baby will be a girl!"

"And what if it's a boy?" Jordan chipped in amusedly.

"Nope, no, uh uh, it's gonna be a girl!" You continued to insist, still going with your gut instinct, "Damn, I should've put a bet on this!"

"You're not putting a bet on the gender of our baby!" Leah chided, shaking her head in disagreement, "Haven't you got homework that you need to be getting on with?" She wondered.

You shrugged your shoulders, the idea of homework was not something you wanted to put up with at the minute, "Nah, its' sweet. There's no rush to do it!" You told her.

"Oh? And what happens when you leave it until last night and you're up the night before rushing to do it, huh? I don't think so, go and do it!" Leah stated, already knowing what you are like when it comes to any type of school work, "Go on, it'll give you something to think about and stop nagging us about finding out the gender." She joked.

"That's not fair," You huffed and slumped your shoulders in protest, "I still have time to do it, there's literally no rush. I don't why you can't just tell me now?" You questioned.

"Because we've already told you that you're going to have to wait like everyone else," Jordan chuckled and shook her head in amusement at your lack of patience, "You only have to wait until tomorrow, kid."

"It still feels like forever!" You whined in disagreement about it, "It's practically tomorrow already! Please just tell me, pretty please!"

"No, Monkey, we've already told you to be patient," Leah said, shaking her head much to your dismay, "It's just one more sleep to wait and besides, even we don't know-- It'll be a surprise for us all!"

It's safe to say that you were not a fan of having to wait to find out these things and you just wanted to be put out of your suspense to know the gender.

Even though you were more than determined that it was a girl.

"I hate waiting to find out," You complained, crossing your arms in protest.

"You know what might help to pass the time?" Leah questioned and you looked at her curiously for the answer, "If you go and start that homework that you have at the bottom of your bag." She said, giving you a knowing look.

"Wha-- You tricked me!" You huffed in protest, not liking the idea of wanting to start it at all and you would be happy enough to delay it given the chance.

Unfortunately for you, the blonde you lived with was determined to not let you push it aside, complete buzz-kill.

"You might as well go ahead and start it while you can," Leah pointed out, shrugging her shoulders.

"Ugh, fine," You huffed, letting the blonde win on that one, "You win, I'll go and start it. Why can't tomorrow just hurry up already? I wanna know!"

"It's just one more day that you have to be patient for, kid," Jordan stated, seeing your urgency to know already, "It'll be here before you know it." She added.

You wished you could say that you slept the night before the gender reveal party, but you definitely did not do that.

You were so excited to find out and no matter how much you tried to sleep, it was impossible so instead you spent most of the night scrolling through the internet and looking at the various different outfits that you couldn't wait to buy the baby that was soon to be your best friend.

Finally, after hours of lying awake in your bed, you eventually do nod off with your phone still in hand, and that's exactly the way that Leah found you the next morning when she came in to wake you up.

"Today's the day!" You jumped out of bed in realisation, finally you didn't have to wait to find out.

"Today is the day," The blonde smiled in amusement, "But not until later on, so come on, lets' get on with the day until then. None of my family will be here for a while yet." She explained.

"Why does it feel like the day is really going to drag?" You huffed, making your way downstairs to sit at the table and stir your spoon around in your bowl without making any attempt to eat it, "Like, it's' not just me that thinks it is going slow, am I?"

"You're just impatient," Jordan joked, sitting opposite her at the table, "Your cereal is gonna go soggy the longer you leave it." She pointed out, gesturing to the way you were barely touching it.

"I can't help it, I feel too excited to even want to eat!" You exclaimed, sure enough you were absolutely brimming with anticipation to find out.

It felt like Christmas day.

"You might wanna eat it before it turns to mush," The older women joked, scrunching her face up ever so slightly, "I can't imagine that it tastes very nice otherwise." She joked.

"I'm too excited to eat," You repeated, fidgeting in your seat as you just want the rest of the day to hurry up already, "I just wanna know already!"

"I'm still convinced that the baby is a girl. It has to be!" You insisted, making your point well known to your captain, Kim, who had not long arrived at the house for the party.

Most of Leah and Jordan's family were here, along with some of their closest friends, the majority of them had gathered out in the garden already and were conversing in conversation.

Meanwhile, you were less than keen to be around everyone and glued yourself to the people that you did know, them people being Leah, Jordan, Kim and Lia to some extent as well, but Leah currently off showing her mum something they'd brought for the baby and Jordan was with her dad doing something else, so you begrudgingly stuck beside Kim since she arrived.

"What if it's a boy?" Kim wondered, amusedly.

"It won't be a boy, I know for a fact it is going to be a girl!" You're more insistent than ever, "I can feel it that it is gonna be and nobody can convince me otherwise!"

Your captain chuckled and shook her head, "Just remember to not to be too disappointed if it is a boy though," She joked with you, "You have to be happy with whatever the baby's gender is."

"I know, I know, but I still really do want it to be a girl," You told the older woman with a cheeky grin, "But I guess I will be happy for them, whatever the gender that the baby is and what not." You continued to promise her.

"Good," The Scottish woman stated.

"But I still have a good feeling that it's gonna be a girl!" You chipped in, before trying to drag the older women outside into the garden.

"Hi little one," Lia walked over to you and gave you a faint smile, "Are you feeling excited?" She wondered.

"Uh huh! I can't wait to find out!" You nod enthusiastically, beaming a wide smile.

"Not too long now," Lia chuckled as you set your eyes on the cupcakes on the table, "Uh oh I know that look..." She joked, watching your gaze on them.

"I just think they look delicious and they need to be eaten already," You murmured, shrugging your shoulders.

"Not long until you can eat one of them," Leah appeared behind you, dressed in a loose fitting white dress that showed off her ever-growing baby bump as she wrapped her free arm around your shoulder, "You and your sugar addiction, huh?" She teased you, lightly.

"Woohoo!" You fist bumped the air in glee, you loved sugar a whole lot, "Is it time yet?" You asked.

"Someones' eager, huh?" One of Leahs' cousins, Holly, piped in as she walked past you.

You couldn't help but blush faintly, feeling a bit shy around people that you were not all too familiar with as you tried to keep closer to Leah, "I... I'm just excited," You whispered, quietly.

Leah could straight away tell your shift of attitude as she protectively pulled you in closer to her, "Oh this ones' been trying to get us to spill all week, even though we didn't know ourselves," She joked with her family that you had now reluctantly been pulled into chatting with since a few of them gathered around you.

"We did hear about that," Leah's mum, Amanda chuckled, shaking her head in amusement, "I have something for you at the end of this, Monkey, but we have to do the gender reveal first." She told you, winking playfully at you.

"What is it?" That did indeed peak your curiosity to know as you peered out from where you stood, trying to figure it out.

"Just wait and see," The older woman told you playfully.

"I can't wait to meet the baby when she is born!" You spoke up louder, more than convinced about the gender.

There were a few noises of laughter from various members of Leah's family at your determination of the gender.

"We still don't know the gender-- It could very well be a boy!" Leah stated, shaking her head in amusement.

"Eh, I still have high hopes it's a girl, Le!" Feeling a bit more confident, you shrugged your shoulders, "I could know already if you had just told me already last week."

"It's a surprise for a reason, Menace," The blonde said, laughing a little bit.

You couldn't help but pout, "I don't like surprises though!" You whined, slightly kicking the grass underneath you.

"This will be a nice surprise for you to find out," Leah's grandma added in to the conversation.

"Monkey doesn't do surprises well," Jordan chimed in, joining in on the conversation as she patted your shoulder before she turned to Leah, "Ready to find out and keep the kid from waiting in suspense any longer?" She questioned.

Leah beamed a wide smile and nodded, "Let's do this!" With that, the two women made their way over to where the canons were set up, ready to be used by them.

You had wandered back towards Kim and Lia, finding them two people to be the most safe bet around a bunch of people that you weren't all familiar with but this day wasn't about your worries and anxiousness, it was about finding out the gender reveal of Leah and Jordans' baby.

Even though you were still determined that it was a girl.

"On the count of three," Jordan began to say.

"Three, two, one!" Everyone counted down aloud, waiting in eager anticipation as the two women twisted the canons and powder flew up into the sky.

Pink powder.

It was a girl!

"I knew it!" Your jaw dropped in amazement, your shyness completely forgotten about as you started to jump up and down in excitement, "I knew it! I told you it was going to be a girl!"

"You were indeed right there," Kim replied in agreement.

"I knew it!" You repeated, still continuing to jump up and down in excitement before you rushed towards Leah and Jordan, "It's a girl!" You screamed in joy.

Leah and Jordan both laughed in amusement at your excitement over the news.

"Are you excited, kid?" Jordan questioned, not even bothering to contain her happiness over it.

You nod your head in a fast pace and grin, "Yes, yes, I knew it. I told you both it was gonna be a girl!" You exclaimed before you were pulled into a hug with the two of them.

You couldn't wait to meet your new best friend.

"I can't wait until she's here and I can meet her!" You stated, excitedly.

Leah grinned and kissed the top of your head, "I can't wait for that either, Monkey. Your going to be the best big sister to her!" She said them words and you feel the tears well up in your eyes.

You hadn't thought of it like that, you were just the kid that Leah and Jordan had taken pity on, but you never thought they would consider you family in all of this?

"Just don't be leading her astray and showing her bad habits," Jordan teased you, ruffling your hair.

"Sister?" You fought the tears in your eyes as you looked at the two of them with a sense of confusion.

"Big sister," Leah corrected, nodding in agreement and smiling at you, "You became part of this family from the first day that you moved in with us, our baby girl will love you too much and we will be a family of four." She told you and that was enough for the tears that you'd been fighting to spill.

Big sister? You had to admit that you did like the sound of that a lot.

You couldn't wait until you could finally meet your favourite little buddy.