#it’s so very hard to cope with especially when I have to watch other people be close and happy and have people in their lives

[whimsyprinx]

I feel bad that so much of my issue rn is that I’m lonely because I feel like I’m putting a burden on others in admitting this, but like yeah I’m so lonely and I’m worse for it because like I can’t do much about it

[harmoonix]

🖤𝕊 𝕒 𝕟 𝕕🖤

(Astrology Observations)

"I saw the end when we began"

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🖤 - Saturn aspecting Moon natives have a hard time to deal with their feelings,is like things happen too fast in their lives and they don't have time to react to those things

🖤 - Venus aspecting Lilith (h12) the native has a hard time to cope with their feelings about love, most times they can ask themselves "Is this love or a lie"

🖤 - Lilith aspecting Saturn natives have a rebellious personality, especially when it comes to rules, they want to do everything in their own ways

🖤 - Lilith aspecting Mars natives they have a inner anger and can easily get annoyed or angry, they don't like to show this side of them though

🖤 - If you have Pluto aspecting Saturn, these are really powerful planets to have aspecting, the energy of the aspects gives the native a remarkable and dark aura, they're like Hades

🖤 - Venus or Mercury aspecting Pluto makes the native to have an special magnetism to them, but it can turn obsessive and toxic if they don't pay attention

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I tried to bargain with the stars

For more than half your heart

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🖤 - Pluto aspecting Moon natives have a hard time to let people go out of their lives, it can get sad when they let toxic people in their lives and quite sad

🖤 - Lilith aspecting Pluto gives an "ultimate" destroyer vibes, they're very magnetic, charismatic, very powerful

🖤 - Neptune conjuncting the ascendant natives,a very dreamy and artistic placement, the native can often be with their head in the clouds dreaming with the eyes open

🖤 - Pluto trine/sextile/conjunct the ascendant is a very powerful placement when it comes to evolving/transforming, the native is a like Phoenix trying to get the best version of themselves

🖤 - Mercury aspecting Neptune, these natives can have a very catchy voice, they're very intelligent and can think fast, there is always a possibility/solution with these people around you

🖤 - Jupiter aspecting Pluto, this placement is expanding the natives magnetic nature and personality, they're easily liked by other people

🖤 - Saturn/Chiron square the ascendant can make the native to seem like they're not worth it, to not appreciate their true value, remind yourself how powerful you are!!

🖤 - Moon in the 8th house natives can close themselves when they're pain, these natives are the type of people who will stop communicate when they're in pain

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I saw the end when we began

You couldn't love the way I can

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🖤 - Moon in the 12th house natives have an empathic energy, they're so sensbile but not always show it, their soul lies on a cloud watching the stars

🖤 - Neptune/Mars in the 12th house can have lots of weird dreams, that often tend to be a cover for their actual dreams, there is always a sign in your dreams

🖤 - If we are at the dreams topic, Chiron in the 12th house natives can dream that they're in pain/danger a lot of times, they can feel anxious or scared. It really depends on their energy

🖤 - Chiron in the 3rd house natives are so so sweet in their talking, yet they can be shy/ashamed to talk for themselves, your voice is your power!

🖤 - Chiron in the 1st/6th houses natives can easily absorb others energies and bad thoughts, and the end of the day they can be drained or exhausted because of this, always protect your energy

🖤 - Chiron in the 9th house, these natives can be extremely spiritual and often use spirituality as a healing key

🖤 - Neptune in the 8th house can make the native to have scenarios about people dying, I'm not sure if everyone relates with this, I know quite a lot of people who have scenarios in their head (not in a bad way)

🖤 - Pluto or Lilith aspecting the Sun can also enter in the "rebellious" sphere, these natives will actually fight for their rights and for the truth

🖤 - I don't know if is only me on my experience or other people but when you have Pluto or Neptune in the 10th house, you can tend to get "exposed" or called out for the wrong things just because people simply need to find a little thing to call you out

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🖤 - Jupiter in the 9th/10th/11th houses, if you are good at manifesting and you have those Jupiter placements, The universe works in your favor

🖤 - Retrograde Saturn 🪐 in your birth chart can indicate you need a routine for lots of things in your life, like plan a routine for your everyday

🖤 - Mercury in Sagittarius/Pisces/Virgo or Gemini can have a thing for learning new languages, like mastering 1/2/3 languages

🖤 - Mars in Scorpio/Sagittarius/Aries/Capricorn, I love these placements for Mars is giving dark energy, magnetic body/aura

🖤 - Mars in Virgo or at Virgo Degrees 6°, 18°, their waist stands out, these natives have a really attractive body especially around the belly/stomach area

🖤 - Sun or Rising at 5°, 17°, 29° degrees can make you to be recognized from a young age/to be in the center of attention from childhood

🖤 - Sun or Rising at 11°, 23° degrees can make the native to be social since a young age/childhood, the type of person who is always in search for a friendship

🖤 - Sun or Rising at 2°, 14°, 26° degrees can make the native to be well liked/easily get attached with since a young age/childhood, they radiate kindness

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But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand

And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

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🖤 - Capricorn Venus/Capricorn Moons will always look after of a traditional relationship, and I don't mean that type of "Hubby goes to work,honey stays at home and takes care of her 10 children"...I mean romantically/aesthetically, something that doesn't include hookup culture

🖤 - Mercury in the 11th house natives have a really good humour, they love to make other people laugh

🖤 - Pluto/Saturn/Lilith in the 11th house, you need to take care of the friends/people you have around you so you don't end up stabbed in the back my love

🖤 - With Aries Saturn you need to hold your ground and your principalities, when you set a focus on something, make sure to finish it

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🖤 - Capricorn Sun/Moon/Rising, with those natives having Saturn as their chart ruler their early life can be messed up but it gets better when the native becomes an adult

🖤 - Cancer Sun and Moon specifically, I know a lot of these natives who may posses creative talents since young age esp at drawing or arts

🖤 - Personally i know a lot of people with Sagittarius/Aquarius with Moon/Venus/Mars who want a lot of space and freedom in their relationships

🖤 - Uranus in the 4th house is a really funny placement to have basically your home is chaotic and lovely in the same time, on the other hand it can indicate family members being different than other relatives

🖤 - 2nd house ruler being aspected with Jupiter can indicate being hungry a lot/craving food, same for Jupiter in the 2nd house

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But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand

And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand.....

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🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤•🖤

"You will find poetry nowhere unless you bring some of it with you."

Hope you guys enjoy this post as much i did because it's very different from my standard posts!!🖤 And shout out to Dove Cameron for making such a good song, it had me on my knees.

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[hiiragi7]

Things I've experienced post-Final Fusion:

All of a sudden, the days felt really... really... really long. I never really felt like there was any time in the day prior to final fusion; living my life in parts, I had never experienced such continuous flow of time before. It's long.

It feels like I now have a lot more time to do things in the day, and I have to be careful not to push myself too hard. I've found myself being online less and less and getting a lot more involved in my offline hobbies and reading. I have a lot more time to work towards things I want to do.

I can actually think about and plan for the future now, and it's incredibly exciting. I talk to my partner constantly about it. I am very excited about the future.

I can remember so much more of my childhood, things I never thought I would ever remember I now do. That being said, there are still things I don't remember, likely tied to other memory issues, and I've made my peace with that.

While my memory certainly got significantly better in many ways, I've realized I struggle with non-dissociative memory issues as well, and I will live with those issues for the rest of my life; it's just how my brain developed, and that's okay.

Speaking of memory, I can remember things freely that before were limited to the memory banks of my individual parts. I no longer have to worry about what parts hold which memories and go about tracking them down; I as a whole either remember something or I don't, and of my memories, I can remember any of them whenever I want.

I feel a sense of ownership over my life, over my memories and my sense of self and my body. I can look at it all and very confidently say "that's me", and I feel and know it to be 100% true. A long way away from not being able to recognize myself in the mirror.

I can't dissociatively "take a break" from life the way I used to (ie switching out and letting another part handle it), and while it took a long adjustment period to get used to this, I'm okay with that; I have other ways to take breaks while still being present, I can listen to music or watch videos. If I really just need to be unconscious, I take a nap.

I had to come to terms with the fact I couldn't push myself past my limits anymore in the way that I used to, and that this is in fact an expression of self-care for me. I used to be able to push far past what I should have been able to, especially with regards to physical pain, and to some extent I can still do this under specific circumstances, but it is no longer something that I will do in my day-to-day life living with disability and chronic pain.

Actually existing in my body now, I have come to realize just how much chronic pain I have been in. It's made me a lot more alert to my needs and how to care for myself, what makes it better and what makes it worse.

When people say "there's always a chance you'll split again", it doesn't scare me; it comforts me to know my brain would still know how to cope if such an extreme situation occured that I needed to split again. I've worked through dissociative barriers, I could do it again. I know what lies at the end of that path is love.

No part of me has ever gone away. Even fully fused, we are all still here. I can even still communicate with myself as parts if I choose to. I still have parts, they just look different now. There are no barriers between us.

My parts held a lot of different aspects of my identity to them, aspects I'm still to this day sorting out. I've had a lot of realizations about who I am as a person post-final fusion, especially with regards to gender and disability. A lot of things about myself were formerly very heavily fragmented and dissociated which no longer are, and I'm still making sense of them.

I no longer experience flashbacks and nightmares. This is a major thing for me I sometimes still am in disbelief about, my nightmares used to be so severe that I would refuse to sleep because of them, and my flashbacks were horrible and caused very intense physical sensations. I no longer have them, and that's incredible.

Life is so much more vivid and colorful than I ever realized. I never realized how dull everything felt and looked before final fusion. It feels like a complete perspective shift that is hard to grasp in words.

I can feel my body so much more now physically than I ever could before. I feel each of my limbs, I feel changes in temperature, I feel my own breath, I feel different textures and sensations, everything I hear and see and feel and taste has so much more depth to it now.

I have emotions! A whole lot of them, and I can feel all of them. I can feel emotions that might be percieved as "contradictory" at the same time, I can feel emotions over little things and big things and just about anything at all. I'm no longer limited to feeling my emotions in parts, and it's incredibly freeing.

On that note, I have so much more emotional capacity now for feeling all of the love I have for myself and others. It's wonderful. I can't shut up about it.

[stormhearty]

Parings: Azriel x Reader

Word Count: 2k+

Triggers: angst, mentions of war and death

Summary: The after-effects of your death hit Prythian hard, the loss of your light indefinitely, leaving the world less bright, and the loss of your power echoed throughout the land. Azriel now has to cope with the loss of his mate — the hollow feeling of the mating bond leaving him nothing but a shell of his previous self. The Inner Circle have to rebuild the trust they had with the other courts along Prythian — especially concerning Day Court. Helion, acting as your father, has to bury your body within the warm soils of Day Court as his people pay tribute to the loss of the Seer of Prythian.

Note: The epilogue to “Pushed to the Edge”! I am very happy to be ending this one-shot-turned-series! Thank you guys so much for supporting this!! This epilogue also included a little insight on the reader’s POV of the last section of part 3. I hope it sheds some light on why she decided to do what she did. Also, I am always happy to write more about Seer!Reader if anyone would like more. But please do enjoy the epilogue.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

<Pushed to the Edge> Masterlist

The dark wind bellowed through your hair, a deathly chill running down your spine as you watched the shadows guide Azriel through the streets of Valeris. You stood on the hill that you had winnowed to, watching him wreak destruction against the Death-God’s army. Feeling a slither of shadow against your arm, you looked down and gave a tiny smile — a rare one that tugged on your lips after your resurrection — as you brought it to your lips and pressed a kiss against the flutter of shadow, “Take me to him… It’s time…”

You had known of your connection to the Death-God the moment you had been resurrected from Death. The feeling of the ancient, tattered cord that connected your two beings — one that was hollow and empty. You were unaware of what that bond meant, whether it connected your souls to eternal servitude or something else, you kept that bond a secret — weaving shadow and darkness around that cord, hiding it from the Death-God.

The only time you realized the importance of the connection was during a vision — the only vision you ever had since your revival.

One that would take not only your life but the very life of the Death-God — one that was by the hands of the person that had broken you.

You kept that vision close to your heart, hiding it within shadows from the Death-God, using it as an arsenal against him. You watched as destruction and death seeped through Prythian and you felt the distress bite your very soul.

This isn’t what you had wanted, you never wanted Prythian to be destroyed — all you wanted was revenge against those who struck against you — those who had betrayed you. Not all this loss of life.

Not against Helion, or Thesan, or Tarquin… not against the rest of the High Lords.

No… you had to put an end to this.

You had used the bargain with Azriel to your advantage, using him to fight for you — the vision you kept so close to your heart started to sing alive as if you were walking down the correct path to end this destruction.

And so when the shadows winnowed you to where Azriel stood, the shadows cloaking his body, the Truth-Teller rightfully in his hands, another smile tugged on your features.

This had been it. The vision that came to pass — that last vision — of you and Azriel, finally ending the rein of darkness that Kosechi planned to coat your world in.

You had stepped closer to him, watching his body stiffen, his Spymaster instincts taking over his form. You heard the whispers of the shadows in his ear and you couldn’t help but look down at your chest, the shadows finally unraveling themselves from the last piece of light in your soul — the final mark where Azriel would strike.

Lifting your head, you watched the Shadowsinger lunge for you, the Truth-Teller stabbing you in your light, the shadows around it shrieking in agony, pain, and sadness. A gasp escaped your lips at a vision passed behind your eyes — the same pain rushing down the now open bond between you and Kosechi, the same wound inflicted on his immortal body.

It has been done.

Your knees buckled and you felt the shadows slip from Azriel to your own body, feeling the whisps chill on your skin. Eyes looked up at Azriel, seeing the disbelief and agony in his features. It was satisfying to see… to see him in so much pain.

Everything passed in a blur, not knowing that the Death-God had come and gone. All you can focus on is your mate — former mate. You felt his hot tears on your cooling body and you just stared up at him, pouring all your emotions out — inflicting as much pain as you could with your final breaths.

It was done. It has ended. And your time as Prythian’s Seer, its unknown Seer, has finally come to pass.

Your duty is done.

Helion felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He felt as if his whole world was being taken away from his very eyes as he watched the Spymaster hold your dead body, howling at your loss. The Day High Lord felt his body shake as he took a step forward, looking around at the piles of corpses — of Kosechi’s followers on the ground — before focusing back on you.

He heard the winnowing of Rhysand and the rest of the High Lords, as they surrounded the breaking Spymaster.

“… Azriel…” Rhysand’s voice cracked, trying to call his brother out of the agony he was feeling.

The Spymaster looked up, seeing all the High Lords before going to his knees, continuing to clutch your body close to him, “Please… I beg all of you. Please bring her back… the kernel of life…” He begged, tears dried on his cheeks, determination in his hazel eyes.

Rhysand’s face pinched with pain at the request and Helion’s hardened.

“How dare you, Azriel…” Helion’s was hard as steel, the Spymaster’s body flinching, “To plead to bring her back to life when you had been the one to break and hurt her… Forcing her hand to kill herself…”

Azriel shook his head, pressing his forehead against your own, your body cool, devoid of life, “I know… I know. Give me a chance… give me a chance to do everything again. To make things right with her. Give her a chance to live again. That’s all I ask. I’d do anything, give anything for her to be alive again.”

He wailed, pleaded, and whispered against your skin, hoping that the High Lords would listen to his request. All he wanted was to feel your heartbeat again, bask in your light, to hold you in his arms again. To love you again. He knew it was possible, the High Lords have done it twice — with Feyre Under the Mountain, and with Rhysand after Hybern. Using that kernel of life to bring you back from the dead — to bring you back home, bring you back to him.

Azriel waited, but all he heard was silence, the blow of the wind loud in his ears. He heard footsteps towards him and he looked up to see Rhysand, his features pained as he kneeled to his brother.

“We can’t… Azriel…” he confessed, his voice pained as he saw the light dim in Azriel’s features, “She has already been resurrected once… Twice is against Mother’s will. There’s… nothing we could do…”

“No… that can’t be. Please, Rhysand!” he looked up at his High Lord, “I’d do anything… anything to bring her back…. Take mine! Take my life, to give to her! A life for a life…! That will work right?” He was frantic, thinking of anything… any way to bring you back to living.

“Stop, Shadowsinger…” Helion’s voice ordered, the command echoed through every fae in that spot. Rhysand closed his eyes, fighting back every urge to follow that command. The High Lord of Night stood up and stepped back, feeling Helion’s presence behind him.

Azriel growled and looked up at Helion, instinctively wrapping his arms tighter around your body.

“You had multiple chances to make it up to her. You watched as she begged you to listen, to listen to your mate. But you ignored it, you pissed off your chances for her. You do not get another shot, not in this life… and probably not in any other lifetime you will have with her.”

With a snap of his fingers, your body was winnowed from Azriel’s arms to his own, Helion gently holding you in his arms as he looked down at you with so much sadness and regret.

The Shadowsinger tried to scramble back up, to want to fight the High Lord, only to be held down by Cassian and Rhysand, “Don’t…” Rhysand commanded him, “…We have no right to her anymore. Not after everything we have done…”

“What did you do?” Azriel snarled at his High Lord.

“Your High Lord made a bargain…” Helion disclosed as he turned his heels, stepping back from the Inner Circle, “You and the rest of Night Court have no claims over her body, not when (Y/N) was originally from Day Court. Her body will be buried in Day soil, where she rightfully belongs. And you, Shadowsinger, are banned from entering my Court. And so will the rest of your family… The only person that I will allow to visit her body will be your High Lady. As Night Court’s emissary…”

Azriel felt his heart drop to the ground. No. He already lost you, and now he cannot visit your grave, to mourn for you.

“I will have no bargaining with you, Shadowsinger. Not when your High Lord was the one who allowed it,” Helion looked over his shoulder at the three brothers, “No matter what you do, this bargain will be the last with the Night Court. You have lost all my trust with this matter…”

And with that, Helion winnowed away — with your body in his arms.

Azriel stared at the spot that Helion winnowed away from as he felt hands come off his body. He collapsed, pressing scarred hands into the dirt. He felt his whole body continue to shake, the sadness, the anger not leaving him — he felt as if his anger was never-ending; anger at Helion for taking your body from him, anger at him for banning him from Day Court; anger at his High Lord for creating the bargain in the first place; anger at you for dying in his arms, forcing him to be the one to take your life.

“Azriel…” Rhysand called his name before he stepped back away from his brother when a growl escaped Azriel’s chest.

“Why… Why would you make that bargain, Rhysand…” he murmured, tilting his head up to look at his High Lord with a glare, hazel eyes blazing with that anger he felt throughout his body.

Rhysand sighed and knelt once more to be eye-to-eye with his brother, “I had to, Azriel. I couldn’t argue with Helion, not after everything we did to (Y/N)… She was originally from Day Court, she is tied to Helion’s Court — - “

“But she’s been with us for five hundred years, Rhysand… She had a home with us… She was my mate…” Azriel tried to reason with his High Lord, hazel eyes shifting from anger to absolute despair.

“— - You have no right to claim her as your mate… Not anymore. Not after cheating on her with Elain…” Rhysand reprimanded his brother, “I have no claim to her to be under my Court after I had failed to protect her. We have lost her, Azriel. We lost her the moment we had failed as a family to notice her pain… We had failed her entirely. I regret immensely on how we have treated her the last moments of her life… I regret every moment since her death on how I treated her as her High Lord, as her friend, as her family…”

There was so much pain in Rhysand’s voice and Azriel let out a painful cry, one that echoed so deep in his soul.

“I let Helion take her body to let her body be at peace in her home, her real home, Azriel. A place where she is not in pain, one where she isn’t surrounded by those who had betrayed her. Your banishment from Day Court was part of that bargain — I didn’t want to do that to you, brother — -” he placed a hand against Azriel’s trembling shoulder, “— - I didn’t want to separate you from her, but I had to… For her.”

Another sob escaped Azriel’s lips as he dropped his head, his forehead resting against the cool ground, “How can I continue to live?” he whispered, “My whole soul is breaking, Rhysand… The echo of that bond hurts so much. I never knew how much it would hurt… If I knew, if I knew this would be the outcome of my infidelity towards her, I would never have done it. If I knew my infidelity would cause her to die in my arms, I would have never done it.”

Rhysand sighed and looked up to Cassian, the General looking at his brother with so much sorrow. The two looked at one another before reaching toward Azriel to heave him off the ground. All Azriel wanted to do was collapse, but he knew he couldn’t — he didn’t have any right to do so. He was the cause of this, he was at fault.

“You will continue to live…” Rhysand urged, “You will continue to live and mourn and regret. We all will. That’s all we can do for (Y/N)…”

Azriel looked at Rhysand, before glancing at Cassian, who nodded, “We all will continue to live with our betrayal. Live and regret.”

And all Azriel could do was tilt his head back, looking up at the gray sky as raindrops fell — as if the universe knew how he felt at that very moment.

Feyre stood in the back of the ceremony, watching as Helion lowered your body into the ground — one decorated so beautifully, in a simple white tule dress and on top of your head a halo that mimicked the sun. You looked gorgeous, lying in the casket as if you were just sleeping.

The High Lady listened to Helion’s speech — the love and admiration evident in every word he spoke about you; on how he had found you, protected you — he told your story, every happy moment but also every sad and devastating moment.

She could see how Helion held back so much anger when he brought up your time at Night Court and Feyre couldn’t help but pang of pain in her chest. She regretted every moment of listening to it all over again — Feyre knew she could have made a difference. She tried to help you, tried to reach out to you — but her effort wasn’t big enough. She could have tried harder, to fight for you — but she failed at that.

Everything was a blur after the speech, people had slowly filtered out after they had paid respect to the loss of your light, the loss of your life. Feyre felt her feet bring her to your grave. She looked at the statue that stood at the head of your grave, one was a mirror of your body that was now in the ground. That same dress, that same crown on top of your head.

You were like a goddess that glowed under Day Court’s sun.

Feyre felt a figure next to her, turning her head to look at Helion who looked up at that statue with sadness.

“… That was a wonderful speech, Helion,” Feyre complimented, her gaze returning up at the statue.

The Day High Lord did not say anything back to the High Lady.

And Feyre continued, “… — - I know that no matter how many times we apologize, you will never forgive us. And I understand… (Y/N)… was the best thing that you had given us, the best thing that Azriel had in his life — “ Feyre watched from the corner of her eye that Helion’s hand fisted tightly against his side at the mention of the Shadowsinger, “— - We will do our very best, to gain your trust again. We will mourn for centuries for what we had done to her, we will continue to regret.”

Helion let out a broken chuckle and shook his head, “… I don’t think I can trust any of you again, Feyre… Not when you had taken her away from me. This child was the best thing that has happened to me, besides knowing that Lucien is my son… (Y/N) was my daughter, I raised her as my daughter… And it hurts, knowing that she passed before I did. You… never want to bury your children… And that’s what I had to do today. And I will never forget how that feels…”

He turned his head towards Feyre, “… Be glad you were able to be part of this ceremony, High Lady of Night Court… It was for (Y/N), she would have wanted you to be part of her burial. If it was me, I would never let you in my Court again, but this is all for her.”

Feyre nodded her head, “And I am, and forever will be, thankful for your kindness…”

Helion gave a stiff nod of his head before looking back up at the statue for a moment before turning on his heels and walking away.

The High Lady sighed and looked up at the statue as well, “I hope you are at peace, (Y/N)…” she whispered a prayer one more time before turning as well, walking out of the wards of Day Court before winnowing away, the echo of a sad lament for you singing through the lands.

[tobyscloset]

I am going to talk about my favourite things from chaos theory and of course, the downsides, and my personal opinions!! (Opinions based around the benrius/yasammy topic) So major spoilers ahead under the cut!

Goodsides :D

While chaos theory is a kids show, it definitely displays more mature content, something camp cretaceous did not show! This includes blood, and visual character death (Daniel Kons was specifically gruesome), and description of mental issues, this is specifically PTSD, implied depressive states and breakdowns, the show dives deep into the world of surprise, watching it i was shocked in a good way when a scene came up. Kenji's breakdown was perfectly animated and portrayed.

Each character never faded into the background and they were all equally focused on throughout the season. The show also focused on relationships between the campers, and their families. Specifically Sammy's. Each character has their own comical relief line even when in a dangerous situation. The campers never matured, only grew, they stayed themselves and still act as a group! Same way they did on Nublar.

The plot twists are bonkers, I was not expecting the DPW to be up to sketchy business, nor did I expect suddenly blossoming romance between characters. The budget is definitely higher than it was with camp cretaceous, I couldn't tell if some scenes were animated or real. Beautifully portrayed landscapes.

Overall, the show deserved every amazing rating and my personal rating is an 11/10.

Downsides D:

My first itch was the one-sided romance with Darius and Brooklynn. It certainly was a plot twist but I feel that it was absolutely unnecessary and could've been kept platonic. I feel it would be more heartbreaking and deep if Darius sent her voice messages as a friend, telling her that he's sorry and telling her things about his day. That one scene threw me off on the episode, not because I'm an angry benrius shipper but because it very much could've been kept platonic and felt unnecessary, but was written and played into perfectly. I have absolutely no criticism of the actual writing.

(this was talked about on the discord) - It feels like Brooklynn used to be independent and a baddie in camp cretaceous until she started becoming the love interest, and then it felt like she just became dependent on Kenji and unable to do things herself, so I am hoping that if we get a season 2, that we really get to see Brooklynn not be the love interest and work independently. And I genuinely hope that it won't turn out into another klance situation with Brooklynn, because she was super overhated before, and some angry benrius/benji shippers WILL hate her for "getting in the way of a mlm ship", which is not the case.

My last point was with Darius' health. Darius never got that shine through and we really never got to see how he coped with Brooklynn's death or after the island. They show little cracks but never unpack his full health, which I do hope we get to see in future seasons.

Other than those three points, I really do have nothing to criticise because it was perfect.

Personal opinions/hopes on ships :3

I really do hope we get to see more yasammy content specifically how they build up their relationship more, especially comforting scenes like we got in Ben's soggy van. And Sammy telling Yaz about her family not being in contact, and I would really love to see their relationship play out further and elaborate on the family situation!! :)

-

As I autismed a little too hard and have had a hyperfixation on Benrius since 2021(?), it's not to say I didn't have my hopes up for their relationship in chaos theory, but I also can't say that I expected them to be canon. What maybe the directors could've done is provide that teeny bit of fan-headcanons, because from what I've seen, alot of people from the fandom headcanoned Ben as a gay man, so instead of a girlfriend he would've had a boyfriend. Or they could have Ben lie about the girlfriend because he may have worked out he likes boys, and has internalised homophobia. But back to benrius, they had ALOT of chemistry in camp cretaceous, and for me it was a little disappointing that their relationship dwindled down a little. What I am hoping (manifesting) is that Ben realises his feelings for Darius, and has issues coming out to him and confessing.

Despite my opinions and criticism, the show is definitely worth the watch and deserves every thumbs up from the viewers. I thank everyone who worked on chaos theory and put their best effort into it. 11/10 show. Thank you.

[rheas-ripley]

Championship Blues

Summary: Rhea Ripley just lost her championship and needs a little help coping with the loss.

Warnings: just a bunch of tooth-rotting fluff!

Word Count: 1k

Author’s Note: hi angels! this is my first oneshot ever so plsplspls let me know how i did! message me with anyyy thoughts on how to make my writing better cuz i wanna keep doing this :) also this is not proofread lol but send reqs

——————————————————————————

Pain. Pain was all that Rhea felt as she walked through the gorilla after telling the whole world that she was suffering from a shoulder injury and would have to vacate her championship title. Rhea Ripley wasn’t an emotional person. She had a reputation to keep in the ring. But today, Rhea was nothing but emotional over the loss of her title. To lose one of the most important things in her life was very hard on her. So pain was the only thing Rhea felt in that moment.

To say Rhea losing her championship was a big change would be understating it tremendously. To put it into perspective, Rhea and Y/N have been together as long as Rhea had been champion. Rhea is at the height of her career and getting injured at a time like this is just a big inconvenience that no wrestler would ever want to experience. Of course everyone knows the risk of getting injured and that it could always happen to you, but no one ever expects something like this to happen to them. Especially not the Women’s World Champion.

As she walked through the curtains, Rhea was met with her fellow Judgement Day members ready to greet her and give their condolences. The Judgement Day was her wrestling family, her home away from home. These people were there for her when no one else was, especially her girlfriend Y/N.

“Hey guys,” Rhea forced a brief smile before returning to the slight frown that had been glued to her face all day. It was obvious that this was taking a toll on the raven-haired girl since she normally held a more positive demeanor when she wasn’t in the ring.

“It took a lot of strength to go out there and do that baby. You’re the best champion WWE has seen in a while and your reign was amazing. I know you’re gonna come back stronger than ever,” Y/N spoke and walked over to her girlfriend, taking her hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. If they were alone Y/N would have just held her girlfriend tight and kissed all of her sorrows away but she wanted everyone else to get a chance to say what they wanted to Rhea before Y/N whisked her away and kept her all to herself.

“Yeah that wasn’t an easy thing you just did lass,” Finn said and everyone agreed. The Irish man stepped out and embraced Rhea in a hug. “We are so proud of you and can’t wait for you to come back.” Finn slightly rubbed Rhea’s back before releasing her.

“Hurry back Rhea, the Terror Twins have more shit to start!” Damian joked, trying to lighten the mood. He then maneuvered through the group to hug her and kissed the top of her head. “Get well soon hermosa,” Damian added and ruffled her hair up a little bit. The two have always been the closet out of the group, besides Rhea and Y/N of course. They just seemed to understand each other in a way only they could understand and shared a familial bond like no other.

“We all love you so much mami,” Dom chimed in with a smile. This was true, everyone in the Judgement Day loved Rhea very much. She was the glue that held the group together.

“Thank you guys so much,” Rhea voiced and looked around the room. All that was running through her head in that moment was how long she’d be away. Of course she had hope that the group would survive without her, but what about her title? Who would be the new Women’s World Champion? “Alright babe I think it’s time we head back to the hotel.” The raven-haired girl said as she glanced down at her Apple Watch.

Once the pair arrived at their hotel room, emotions were running very high. Rhea was sad and silent as a mouse, not one to begin the conversation pertaining to her feelings. Y/N knew this though and wanted to make sure her girlfriend was okay.

“Baby I know this is hard for you,” Y/N huffed as she laid next to Rhea on their shared hotel bed. The lights were low and the television was only slightly heard. Y/N placed one of her hands onto Rhea’s and the other on her stomach. “How are you feeling right now?” She questioned and looked over at her girlfriend.

“Honestly,” Rhea started, gathering the words that she wanted to say, “I’m scared.” She sighed and continued, “I’m scared that when I come back, everyone will have moved on. I mean what’s gonna happen when I come back and there’s a new champion and everything’s different ya know?” Rhea ran her free hand through her hair, visibly frustrated.

“I know baby, I know it’s hard. But you are way better than any,” Y/N emphasized the last word, “woman on that roster. When you get back, I’m sure the fans and everyone else will be begging for you to reclaim your spot as champ.” She rolled over and straddled Rhea, showering her face with kisses and leaving marks from her lip gloss everywhere. Rhea’s frown suddenly turned into a smile which caused another one to form on Y/N’s face.

“You are so amazing baby and everyone loves you. You were the best champ and will continue your reign when you get back,” Y/N spoke and brushed a stray piece of her girlfriend’s hair behind her ear. The pair locked eyes and in that moment, Rhea knew that everything was going to be okay.

“I love you so much Y/N, thank you,” Rhea slightly nuzzled her head into Y/N’s hand and gave it a kiss. Rhea wrapped her other hand around her girlfriend’s waist and pulled the girl closer to her. “Now enough talk about wrestling, can we find something to watch?” Rhea suggested, her mood clearly brighter. Of course their conversation wouldn’t solve all of her problems or clear up all of her doubts, but it did give her temporary clarity. Rhea knew that through whatever would happen to her, she’d always have her girlfriend in her corner.

[angelnumbing]

whether you like it or not, YES, obsessively reading love/your person/crush/FS/etc. tarot readings is bad for you.

even if you’re just reading them for fun (like i was), you have to really think about it. first, every reading you click on requires some kind of energetic connection with the reader. if you read/watch multiple of these things a day you’ve got a bunch of strangers all up in your energy all the time and that’s just not going to be a good thing. buying personal ones is included in this.

youtube randomly recommended me a video of a woman explaining that we as clients come to these readings because, most likely, our situations are so unfulfilling or confusing so we seek answers through tarot. this is natural imo and isn’t a sign of bad character or anything, but we have to accept that some things are meant to be a mystery to us. beyond that, a tarot reader (especially one doing PACs or collective readings) can only pick up on the energy of the querent. the other person’s energy cannot be picked up on without consent, which means that tarot readers read your energy and the way you interpret your person’s energy. this means that if you see your person as hot-and-cold and are holding onto hope for a connection that clearly isn’t working, the reader is going to tell you exactly what you’re thinking because the only way that 3rd party person’s energy can be accessed is through the footprint it leaves in your aura.

not only does this mean that — if you consume these readings often — you’re consistently getting told a false one-sided narrative, but it also inherently establishes its own reward system that keeps you coming back for me. for example, you tell yourself that your person likes you (and maybe they do!) but they’re scared of their feelings for you which is why they ghost you. when you receive a reading that says this, it affirms to you that you were right, and the reading was “accurate”. worse than that, these readings and your dependency on them can easily be used to justify clinging on to a relationship or connection that isn’t working. your person goes cold and you run to a tarot reading basically to be told that there is some hope, actually, and now instead of dealing with the difficult feelings that come with romantic disappointment and growing through that, you’re stuck in the stagnant state of waiting for reality to match up to the picture in your head. realistically, the healthiest thing for you to do is move on from this person and work on yourself.

this isn’t to say that all tarot readings are terrible, because i don’t think that at all. tarot can definitely be a great tool for self-discovery and just for getting some direction in life. i also don’t think there’s a problem with doing love readings for yourself as long as it’s not constant and obsessive.

if you find yourself looking for affirmation from these readings, you should instead shift your focus to readings about your shadow self, where you need to grow and heal, and other things like that. we cling on to these lackluster connections because of something in our past that makes disappointing people attractive to us. i know a lot of you on here are very defensive about your precious PAC readings, but the fact of the matter is that you read them because either your love life is nonexistent and you have to consume what is essentially self-insert fanfiction to cope (i’m not coming for you bc i’m in that camp) OR you do have some connection with someone but they are falling short or disappointing you in such a way that direct communication is not possible and you have to turn to an outside source for some kind of answer.

at the end of the day, if you actually care about yourself, you’re going to have to do the (very hard) work of finding security in yourself and who you are. these readings and any relationships you have or aspire to have are never going to replace that. and frankly a few of you seem to put too much weight on the meaning of these readings. i remember someone said they don’t bother to put any effort into their current relationships anymore because they “know” their current partner isn’t the one bc it doesn’t match up to what they’ve read in FS readings. at some point you need to use your common sense. the readings get hundreds of notes and thousands of views and there’s no way you can rationally justify making decisions like that based off of something meant to apply to everyone who watches and not just you specifically.

i’m making this post because i’ve stopped consuming readings like this and i actually feel so much better mentally and spiritually. they actually are fully capable of making you completely delusional as well, which in some contexts isn’t exactly a bad thing but it’s not a great state to be in when it comes to your interpersonal relationships. ultimately i hope that i’m able to at least of few other people break their pattern and kickstart a genuine healing journey.

i don’t use this app often, tbh so if you get mad in my replies you might as well take it up with god because i’m not looking and if i am looking i’m not caring at the same time. toodles!!

[pedrospatch]

we need you

Post Outbreak! Joel Miller x Female Reader

summary: Afraid of failing the two of the people he cares about more than anything, Joel decides you and Ellie are better off without him.

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. SET IN JACKSON. takes place during Kin. arguing, angst. helpful to know reader was not present when Joel and Tommy talked in the garage. NO mentions of age, reader has no physical description.

word count: 1.6k

a/n: welllllp i don't know about you guys, but i am DEAD inside after tonight so to cope i am going to write a little drabble. already put it in the warning/tags section, but once again, just to be on the safe side of things: potential spoilers, proceed with caution if you do not want the newest episode spoiled!

“Just what in the motherfucking hell was that, Joel?” You nearly growled, bursting through the door of the bedroom that he’d chosen to occupy for the night. Having heard the way he’d spoken to Ellie—not to mention, all that he had said to her even after her heartbreaking confession to him, her unspoken cry for him not to abandon her, all you could see in your mind was the color red. Sure, you and Joel had been through your fair share of bullshit over the years, disagreements that caused friction between the two of you weren’t all that uncommon seeing as the two of you shared similar personality traits to each other, stubbornness being one of them. But you could not, for the life of you, remember an occasion where you’d been this angry with him, this fucking livid. As you watched him sink down onto the bed without a word, your hands curled into fists at your sides. You knew it would only make matters worse, losing your temper, but you weren’t all too sure that you could contain it this time around.

The blood in your veins was bubbling, boiling hot underneath your skin.

“Are you going to fucking answer me or what?” You prompted, a cool edge to your tone despite the heat radiating throughout your body. “You’re really trying to hand her off to Tommy?”

Joel sighed, shaking his head. “You weren’t supposed to find out like this.”

“Find what out, Joel? That you went off and made a decision, and a really fucking dumb one at that, without even talking to me about it first?” You crossed your arms over your chest, glaring at him. Despite how incredibly furious you were, the sadness was heavy inside of your chest. Tt was as if Joel had forgotten the fact that for the last few months, Ellie had been under your care too, and you had every right to be a part of any decision that he made regarding her and her well-being. It hurt you to your very core that he’d done this without talking to you first, and it hurt you even deeper to know that Ellie had known about this and she’d kept it all to herself all evening.

She’d come home from the movies and when you offered her dinner, she refused to eat and stomped upstairs, locking herself in the bedroom. You’d chalked it up to nothing more than a typical teenaged girl simply having a mood swing. After all, it hadn’t exactly been the best day for Ellie. She’d arrived in Jackson and the first thing she noticed was how everyone in the colony looked at her, especially the children. She was different. She didn’t fit in, she stuck out like a sore thumb and you knew that had to have been hard for her. Not wanting to push her, you’d figured that she would come out of the room eventually and talk you about it when she was good and ready. But now that you knew the real reason why she had come home so upset, you couldn’t help but to feel guilty.

For hours, Ellie had been upstairs in that room knowing that Joel planned on dumping her on Tommy and you didn’t have the slightest fucking clue about what was going on until you’d overheard Joel and Ellie’s shouting match just moments ago.

“Joel.” You said his name in a tone neither of you recognized.

Low, venomous, borderline dangerous.

You were like a ticking bomb, seconds away from going off.

Joel narrowed his eyes at you. “She’s better off with Tommy, alright? And we both fuckin’ know that,” he said. “It’s the best thing to do for her. I’m doin’ it because I know damn good and well that if she stays with me, all I’m gonna do is have her fall into the wrong fuckin’ hands or killed.”

“You’re wrong!” You countered, dropping your arms away from your chest and back down to your sides. “Joel, don’t you dare fucking do this. Ellie doesn’t want Tommy, she wants you. She all but fucking said it right to your face just a minute ago!” You cried, pointing a finger towards the door of the room as if pointing to Ellie herself. “She admitted to you that she wouldn’t feel safe with anyone else, Joel. So don’t you fucking do this to her.”

He gripped the edge of the bed, his knuckles going ghost white. “She’ll be better off with Tommy,” he repeated himself. He paused for a brief moment, just long enough to avert his tortured gaze from yours as he said, “And so would you.”

Your mouth parted slightly in shock. “Fucking excuse me?”

“I can’t keep her safe. Hell, I can barely keep you safe! How many fuckin’ times have I almost lost you? ‘Cause I don’t move fast enough? ‘Cause I’ve made the wrong decisions? ‘Cause I’ve asked you to do somethin’ for me and turns out that I unknowingly sent you into the fuckin’ lion’s den?” He inhaled a sharp breath, and you could hear his voice breaking with each and every word that fell from his lips. “I’ve almost cost you your life how many fuckin’ times now?”

“Joel—”

“Tess died ‘cause of me.” He saw you open your mouth to protest and he quickly added, “You can sit there and tell me over and over that it wasn’t my fault ‘til you’re blue in the face, but let’s just fuckin’ be honest and tell it how it is, alright? I couldn’t get to her quick enough and now she’s dead. I won’t let you meet the same fate.” Joel reached up, raking a hand tiredly through his hair, mentally bracing himself for your reaction to what he was about to say next. “I think you should go with Tommy and get Ellie to where she needs to be. After that, you should—you should think about stayin’ here with him in Jackson. I probably don’t belong here, but you do.”

You let out a small, shaky breath of air.

“Who the hell are you to make that kind of decision for me?” You asked, willing yourself to keep yourself from crumbling into tears. “I’m sorry Joel, but you can’t make that kind of a choice for me. And do you want to know what else?” You didn’t even wait for him to respond. “You can’t make it for Ellie, either.”

“She’s fuckin’ fourteen years old—”

You took a step forward as you challenged him. “Do you really think that girl isn’t smart enough to know deep down inside what’s best for her? Tell me, do you really think that Ellie pulled everything she said out of her ass? Do you honestly think that she could ever trust Tommy the way that she trusts you?” You felt a warm tear slide down your cheek and quickly wiped it away before he could see it. “Ellie is young, but she’s not a baby, Joel. I get that sometimes we need to guide her through shit, but let’s be real. She is old enough to make decisions for herself. Maybe not all of them, but the decision that you’re trying to make for her right here, right now—it isn’t yours to make.” Another tear made its way down the side of your face as you whispered, “And the one you’re trying to make for me isn’t either.”

Joel hung his head, seemingly defeated. “Why can’t you see it’s for the best? Why are you makin’ this so hard?”

Willing your trembling legs to move, you slowly walked over to him and sank to your knees in front of him; although you tried to meet his eyes, he refused. “You care about Ellie. I know it, I can see it and I can feel it. For as much shit as you give her all the time, I know that she’s become so important to you.”

“‘Course she is,” he mumbled. “You’re both important to me.”

You reached for his hands, pulling them forward onto his lap. You placed your own hands on top of his, lacing your fingers together. “Then don’t fucking do this to us, Joel. Please. I’m already down on my knees and I will fucking beg and plead if that’s what it’s going to take.” You crouched down a little further, enough so that you could look up into his dark brown eyes. “Ellie wants to be with you, Joel. And I do too.”

Joel’s gaze glistened with tears that he tried, but failed, to keep from falling in front of you. “I’ll fail you, just like I’ve fuckin’ failed everybody else.”

“Joel, please listen to me. Hear what I am saying, for the love of Christ. We have come so far,” You said, firmly squeezing his hands in yours as if somehow that would snap him out of it. “Whether you choose to believe or not, we’ve only come this far because of you. You have done so much for us. It’s why we trust you, why we feel safe with you. Me and Ellie, we belong with you, Joel—not with Tommy, not with anyone else. We need you, okay? We fucking need you. Do you understand me, Joel?”

Joel exhaled the breath he’d been holding shakily, leaning down to be closer to you. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against yours as he tried to even out his breathing.

Rubbing the back of his hands with your thumbs in soothing circles, you lifted your head and lightly pressed your lips against his forehead.

“We’re going to finish what we started,” You murmured quietly against his skin, feeling a slight shudder rack his body as a single whimper escaped him. You squeezed his hands again. “Together, Joel.”

[a-certain-romance]

i made the house wife ei and miko thing tbh if u want more i can write u some fr (gonna turn it into a whole ass story for u) tbh skmetimes i imagine shenhe and her house wife to imagine how possessive she could get over her house wife being jealous at every moment

then we have ningguang who adores her house wife who dhe convinced to live a life of luxioury in her jade chamber tbh your not swayed at first untill you know you can worry over her while she works and sew her stuff shes always so pleased so she rubs her hand on your thigh staring at you knowing whats to come she already planned ahead ofc

then hu tao and her house wife (coping with the fact im an og and never got her c1) anyways shes so giggly most of the time watching you cook and giving you soft kisses every time she finishes a meal. your too cute to resist honestly!! so she decided to leave you her outfit who knows what she’ll do next <3

im mot gay iswear-

AHHH ANON U ARE THE BEST!!! (Feel free to share if you have more!!)

Warnings: Smut written by a minor, possessive sex/tendencies (Shenhe), face sitting (Ningguang), Overstimulation (Ningguang), mastrubation (Hu tao), fingering (Hu tao)

Link to pt 1 , Pt3, & Pt4

- She’d get so jealous thinking about all the people you might be around. Shenhe hates crowds so knowing that she’s not at the best of her abilities in the harbor leaves her on edge

- Shenhe who gets so possessive that she singlehandedly builds a house in the mountains away from all those people who might interfere with the two of you. It’s a good midpoint between the Wangshu Inn and Qingce Village, and plenty far away from the crowded harbor

- As she spends her time in meditation and training you spend your time with household duties and tending to your garden of Qixing and other flowers. You spend the days trying to familiarize yourself with new recipes that fit to your and Shenhe’s tastes and even experimenting with a few dishes. On the few times you do travel back to the harbor with Shenhe you always stop at Wanmin restaurant to exchange knowledge and recipes with Xiangling

- These trips can be very fun, though many of them end in a rough fucking against the wall of some alleyway after someone looks at you in a way that Shenhe doesn’t like

- She’s content to carry you for a while since it means you get to be all the more closer to her

- It’s the fact that you aren’t interested in her for her wealth that makes her fall for you

- Being Ningguang’s housewife means you don’t need to lift a finger while you’re in the Jade Chamber

- Yet she still melts when you take it upon yourself to help the maids by cleaning Ningguang’s study on your own or cooking her favorite meals when she’s had a packed schedule

- She’ll order the finest silks or brocades or fabrics; anything you ask for will be in your hands at a moment’s notice

- When she’s especially pleased with your hard work she’ll guide you towards your shared room and reveal her most expensive lingerie & lipstick combo

- She’ll let you suck and nip at her breasts for a bit before locking her legs around your waist. She can’t have all the fun, this night is meant for you. Deep make-out sessions lead to her urging your legs to sit on either side of her head

- Ningguang will lick and suck on your clit until your brain goes dumb from the pleasure, and even after you finish she’ll keep going and overstimulating you further

- Hu Tao who serenades you with poetry as appreciation for all the cooking you do

- She also handpicks the prettiest flowers from her walks around Liyue and places them in a neat vase every few weeks just for you

- She leaves her outfit in plain sight on the bed. It all started with wanting to try on her hat, leading to you wonder what the rest of her outfit would feel like

- You bask in the sweet aroma of red plum blossoms. It’s like she’s with you right now! Sometimes you wear it when she’s not around. Hu Tao catches wind of this quickly and always leaves a spare article of clothing at your place

- One of these days she surprises you by coming early and finds you pleasuring yourself while wearing one of her jackets. Aiya, it was her who got you into this, might as well take responsibility and finish what you started she thinks as her finger teases your wet folds

[sapphickocho]

Thinking about how Uzui had to watch everyone he cared about die before him. First 3 of his siblings die during there fathers harsh shinobi training, then six he killed himself during a deathmatch where all of them were masked. Then Kyojuro died next, and the rest of the hashira except Sanemi and Giyuu during a battle he couldn't participate and help them in. Then of course Sanemi and Giyuu do die on the same year and four years later Tanjiro, someone he grew closer with also succumbs to death way too young.

Thats why Tengen's line of "Just how many lives do you think ive let slip through my fingers?" hits so hard because his life is just death. Everyone he loves is bound to die and he cant do anything about it.

So I made a little list of hcs on how he copes;

What uzui does at each of his friends graves;

Rengoku; He often has a picnic beside his grave, bringing along his wives and having a feast with all of kyojuros favorite foods, like sweet potatoes and bento boxes. He is the hashiras grave he visits the most and often talks to it and updates him on how life is going.

Shinobu: He brings the flashiest flowers he finds and brings them to her every year because it reminds him of both her and Kanae.

Muichiro: It is hard for him to visits his grave, especially when he sees it adorned with a picture of him and his twin brother when he was younger. But he makes sure to see it every year, and gives him a little gift, like a folded paper crane since he knew he like origami. He feels guilty that he didn't fight in the battle when muichiro, the youngest pillar, did.

Mitsuri: Like everyone else still alive, they visits her grave annually on her birthday and bring mochis to celebrate because it was her favorite food. However when everyone else dies, he makes sure to keep up the tradition with Nezuko.

Iguro Obanai: When he visits his grave he always teases him about how he's doing with Mitsuri in the afterlife. After that he sits down and talks about his snake Kaburamaru and updates him about his daily life.

Gyomei: He prays at his grave. Not that he particularly agrees with it or is religious, he just knows that Gyomei would appreciate it.

Sanemi: He visits both of the Shinazugawa brothers on the same day, since they are both buried next to each other. He tells him that he misses him because he knows Sanemi will be pissed by the sappiness and also because in truth, he does.

Giyuu: He usually sits down and talks for hours to him about how everyone is doing, whats going on and other mindless useless things. he knows that Giyuu doesn't like to talk so just like when he was alive, he can just sit and listen and enjoy the company.

Tanjiro: He always bows to Tanjiro's grave and thanks him, for saving his wives and being a friend for all those years. he tells him about Nezuko and Kanao and tells them that they all miss him very much.

Makio, Suma, Hinatsuru: When they all die before he does, he curses the gods for keeping him alive. He makes sure to have there graves next to his estate and sits next to there graves for hours until sundown. Sometime he even sleeps next to them.

I am not sure his wives dying before him is canon but Ive heard it from multiple people so I will assume so. Either way, Uzui's life is too tragic and I just cant get over it. He can never protect the people he loves the most. That man deserves a break from all the death and hug from all of his wives (+rengoku.) But it seems like Gotouge had different plans.

[tripleaxeldiaz]

i love 911 for so many reasons, but ESPECIALLY because it doesn’t let the audience or it’s characters forget their traumas. in a long running show like this, it would be SO easy to have everything be one and done, moving everyone on and on and on through their world without ever looking back, hoping that when enough years go by, everything will balance out and no one will be affected by anything that came before

but that’s not how trauma works. that’s not how LIFE works

when you relapse, or watch your wife die, or watch your brother die, or spend a lifetime looking for a friend, when you live as a forgotten child or kill your abusive husband or accidentally kill an innocent girl on the job, that STICKS. that crawls into your skin and grafts to your bones and colors everything you will ever do for the rest of your life. whites are whiter and blacks are blacker and you either learn to live with it or lose your mind trying to keep it all in the shadows

and it’s not easy!! you WILL backtrack!! you will revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms and shut yourself down and fight tooth and nail to convince yourself you’re fine when you couldn’t be worse

you will fail. you will NEVER forget the worst moments of your life, and they will influence you until your very last breath whether you like it or not

and we get to SEE that. over and over and over, these people are fighting to LIVE, fighting their demons as many times as they have to because they know for a fact there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and it looks a lot like a fire station loft in los angeles

it’s inspiring for them, for each other, for US. to see all that this group of people have lost and how hard the work to gain even MORE in the aftermath

and that is very very very fucking special

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

For the release of ttpd, can a girl get some sad Grayson hcs 😔✊ <3

sad grayson head canons

of course<3. i eat up sad tig hcs so i might make some for the rest of the brothers and avery (probably will). hope you like them! this one is going to be kinda dark (i like making my favorite tig characters suffer) so trigger warning for self-harm and suicidal thoughts/attempts. take care of yourselves, and try to talk to someone if you can. as someone who's been through a lot of shit last year, i can promise you things, at some point, start looking up (this might be corny, but i felt the need to say it) (i may be projecting in some of these cause i love making myself see myself in my fav characters if that makes sense).

grayson used to go out (like to the park or smth) and watch all of the kids playing with each other wishing he could be like them.

sometimes he gets so self-destructive he doesn't eat or drink water. he just lies in bed wishing he could magically die.

grayson heard the prochecy, the black dog, loml, and down bad from ttpd for the first time and started sobbing uncontrollably (so many other songs but yk, im not gonna write all of them down)

when he gets in those self destructive moods, he tends to piss people off/make people sad on purpose so that they'll get made and leave him (he secretly wishes that someone can see through all of his pain and be there for him)

very dark so trigger warning (even though i gave one at the beginning. you can never be too sure), grayson used to have scars on his ribs bc he would hurt himself. he never cut deep enough for it to actually scar permanently bc he 'has an image to uphold' according to tobias.

although swimming is a coping mechanism, it's also a form of self-harm for him sometimes. he swims until he can't feel his legs anymore, and sticks his head underwater for extended periods of time until he feels like he's about to drown.

i actually saw this in a conan gray interview, but he used to cross the street without looking left and right hoping a car would hit him.

he hears emily's voice in his head more often than he lets on. whenever he hears her voice, he'll press his nails so hard into his palms, they start to bleed.

he somehow managed to get his hands on some anti-depressant behind tobias' back and started taking them, but, sometimes, when he was especially suicidal, he would try to overdose on the pills. it never worked.

he's convinced himself that he deserves the pain he causes himself/the people cause him.

tobias knew about his unhealthy coping mechanisms but didn't do shit to help him bc didn't want him to 'soften up' making grayson think his grandfather thought he deserved the pain.

grayson will purposely make himself stay awake for days on end bc he doesn't think he deserves to get sleep sometimes (he needs to work. in his head, everything will go to shit if he doesn't)

sometimes he'll go swing on this swing they have in blackwood forest to feel like a kid again (it sometimes works)

he has this stuffed teddy bear nash gave him when he was a baby that he sometimes sleeps with when he feels alone (even though he'd grown now).

this one is extremely dark, probably the darkest one yet so tw for suicide attempt(ish its not really one).......... at the age of fifteen, he actually bought pills to overdose on and set a date (the 14th of may (really random)). he was going to off himself that day but didn't end up doing it bc his brothers dragged him out to play chess (idk, anything works). he said he'd do it some other day but never go to it. every year, on that day, he celebrates not offing himself bc he wouldn't have met the people he met and wouldn't have gotten to feel the happiness he now feels if he had.

he's convinced himself he isn't worthy of love (this one also applies to jamie, a lot of these actually do in my opinion, they're quite similar when you think about it. probably will make a post about this)

when he was a baby, he'd imagine his stuffed teddy was actually his mom when he felt the need to be held by a parental figure. it almost never worked, but he would always try again hoping it would magically start working.

he has panic attacks on a regular basis. ones where he starts pulling at his hair and stuff. he thinks he's going crazy after these, but avery reassures him he isn't (or nash, but i like the idea of avery being there for him as a friend/sister figure)

when he was younger, he used to ask people if they wanted to come to his house and play with him. they said yes but only bc he was rich. the second they'd step foot into his house, they'd leave him and start exploring.

this sort of goes with the hc i made that he denies himself food and stuff, but, when he gets cold at night and wants to lower the temperature, he'll force himself to stay in bed and take the blankets off to let himself suffer.

he secretly wishes people weren't so scared of him bc then he might have friends.

sometimes, he starts feeling so numb with everything he goes back to the cliff where emily died just to feel smth.

he's such a perfectionist he would cry whenever he got lower than a 90% at school.

it might not look like it, but he really cares about people's opinions of him and will do everything in his power to 'fix' what these people think is wrong with him.

whenever he gets mad at the world or at himself, he'll go to one of those places where you smash and break everything. when he's done, he makes himself sit in the mess and look at all of the destruction he caused (he sees this as him destroying everything in his life (like his relationships, etc))

to end on a brighter note, here's a happy grayson hc :)

when he was younger and wanted smth, he would jump with his hands clasped together begging for it with the cutest puppy eyes ever (i find this one really adorable and can literally picture it in my head).

not proof read so i apologize for any spelling mistakes<3. again, there are resources you can use if you ever need help. if you can, try to get a therapist, and, if you can't, talk to a friend/family member or call a helpline. things can get better. sending everyone lots of love.

[holly-opal]

🎪The opposite digital circus 🎪

So I thought a thought and i made tadc swap au. Except they swap personalities and are the opposite of themselves.

Pomni

Instead of being anxious and wanting to find an exit, Pomni is over the moon and is very happy to be here. She has always wanted to be in a happier world when she was in the real world, and now she is! Pomni has made friends with everyone! Sometimes she sings songs out of nowhere like a Disney princess with music no one else can hear, she talks to imaginary animal friends, and she makes jokes even at the most inappropriate times. She would honestly get along with Kaufmo.

Jax

Instead of being mean and egoistical, he's more shy and quiet, often staying out of the way of conflict. He likes to make his own movies in the tadc version of Windows Movie Maker (inspired by @sm-baby) and occasionally make pillows forts with Kinger and Zooble. He is relentlessly bullied by Gangle and sometimes gets yelled at by Ragatha, but he still sees the good side of people. He's the type of person to give people a second chance even after they've already broken every chance they've got. He gets along with Kinger and Zooble the best, and he has a bit of a crush on Pomni. He used to make comedy movies with Kaufmo.... But we all know how that turned out.

Ragatha

Instead of being optimistic and caring, she's pessimistic and is very dead inside. She doesn't like to be around people and is more often in her room when not on adventures. She is very depressed and is prone to lash out to others, she doesn't really mean it tho. She finds it hard to cope in the digital realm, she's practically stopped cleaning her room. She and Gangle fight a lot, she finds it hard to relate to Zooble and Jax, Kinger is very naggy, and Pomni is... Well Pomni. She was good friends with Kaufmo though...

Zooble

Instead of being moody and avoidant, they're very carefree and adventurous. They love being around people and experimenting with creative projects like sculpting, lego building, etc. They still have an identity crisis and smoke a lot though. They sometimes try to get Jax into drugs, Kinger scolds them alot about that lmao. They used to smoke a lot with Kaufmo.

Gangle

Instead of being sad and kind, she is a BITCH- Jk but she is mean tho. She takes out her anger about being stuck in a digital hell out of people, particularly Jax cause he's the weakest. Her sad mask is replaced with her angry mask, which makes her yell and harm everyone in her path. Gangle still has the happy mask, but it's more passive aggressive and fake now. She still writes fanfiction and watches anime tho. She sometimes forced Kaufmo to watch an anime.

Kinger

Instead of being..... Well very kooky, he's more logical and stable. He acts like a father figure to most of the inhabitants in the circus. He likes to research bugs and capture them, he sometimes captures the centipedes for Ragatha. He has a very low tolerance for anyone's bullshit, especially Gangle's or Ragatha's. He's usually very sweet, but can be VERY scary when he's mad. Besides Gangle and Ragatha, he's good friends with everyone else, he even had a crush on a certain ringleader (Wink wink 😉) Kaufmo supported him having a crush on the AI.

Caine

What was once an enthusiastic and happy ringleader, became depressed and apathetic to it all. After watching players abstract day after day after day after day, he became less of himself. Eventually becoming more sad and unmotivated, only doing the adventures cause it's the only thing to do nowadays. Although he doesn't see the point in it, he's still good friends with the inhabitants, but he keeps his distance. He truly does love the chess king, but he knows it's only a matter of time before he abstracts. Hell, Kaufmo already did.

And that's everyone! I'll do more with this au, such as making everyone's designs, make comics, and other stuff. Here are some drawings of them

[chocoqtelle]

Pac, who's your soulmate?

Your soulmate is someone who overthinks a lot. When they see you, you might notice them trying to fix their hair or make sure they look nice. You mutually make each other feel complete. It's like they're fixated on you. They just wanna hold you as their own. Like "you're mine". It may seem a bit possessive but they just wanna hold you and keep you safe. There's no negative intentions with this. They're a hard worker and wanna make sure you don't have to work as hard as them. They might take you out and buy you gifts. I'm getting that you may be really stressed a lot currently or at the time you meet your soulmate if you haven't yet. They notice/will notice how stressed you are even if you try to hide it. They wanna take away your worries and help you relax. Maybe with a massage or words of affirmation after work. They could also let you vent a lot. They like giving you presents and surprises. Maybe throwing surprise parties for you. It seems like they're trying to break down your boundaries a bit so they can give you gifts and I'm getting they wanna give you " everything you want." They don't think you'll really accept the gifts otherwise. They could have had a bad past or have tried to be some type of "player" but now they're trying to focus on you and change. They're someone you can really trust and open up to. They're a non-judgemental person to talk to especially if you're looking for practical advice when you're mind is clouded. They're very trust worthy and they'll build your relationship off trust and love.

Music could be significant, especially lofi and/or classical music. Your soulmate is extremely fair and morally correct. They could study a lot of social problems and try to keep their awareness up. They're very stubborn and won't back down easily, especially if it's something they believe in. They might be a bit trapped in their own mind. Like they imagine people out a certain way and expect them to be like that in reality. They may rely on material things and sexual things to cope with trauma and to keep themselves "protected." They could have had traumatic experience with a father figure. They try to cope with things that are overall unhealthy for them. They also worry too much about their reputation and try to portray themselves in a "strong" way. Could also struggle with toxic masculinity. Even with that, they've been doing everything on their own. They do know how to take care of themselves (somewhat) and others but they often choose not to in fear of being hurt or used. They've worked hard for what they earned and aren't ready to give it up that easily to just anyone. They're scared of saying too much about their emotions or opening up. This person could very much have other options but you're actually the person for them (the lovers card). They're not used to feeling this rushing wave of emotions and they aren't exactly sure how to deal with it. It's like they wanna be tough but have this tiny little soft spot for you that they can't get rid of. It might make them uncomfortable? Like they wanna be all cool and edgy or whatever but they can't because you and they don't know why they feel this way. They're friends are what to watch out for though. They could be bad influencers or sabotaging.

You have a very soft and caring energy to you. Not in a people pleaser way (at least mostly not) but more in a sincere and laid back way. You may be taking time to heal and focus on work or school currently. Your soulmate tries to hide their feelings a bit with a cold persona. In reality, they're really really in love with you. They love how nice and perfect you seem. They wanna provide mental and emotional stability for you. They also wanna know more about who you are as a person. They may be straight forward and a bit blunt when it comes to you. Like the main love interest from"Marry My Husband." I got the queen of swords and king of swords for you two. This is a connection where both parties better each other and learn. Not only learning through experience, but also learning directly from each other. They're scared you may leave them for other options or that you're already with someone who you think is better. They're very protective of you, especially when it comes to who you hang around. They think some people you surround yourself with aren't in your best interest and could be causing you harm. They wanna keep you away from them and have you more to themselves. Your friends may make you do all the work in the friendship or exclude you. I'm also getting using you for entertainment. Soon, the friendship will end so there's no means in sticking around to watch as it happens. They see obvious commitment issues from a fear of being left/abandoned. However, they also see this making it difficult for you to leave toxic people behind. They wanna let you know they're here for you and will take care of your emotional needs in any way you want from them.

[schizodiaries]

ten ways I cope with psychosis

Grounding techniques — Make use of the five senses: Listen to your favorite song. Run your hands under cold water. Taste your favorite snack. Smell your favorite candle. Look at beautiful artwork. Be mindful about the sensations you feel while engaging in these activities.

Listening to music — My go-to way to deal with auditory hallucinations. I recommend listening to instrumental music, if you are prone to ideas of reference.

Creating art — A good creative outlet takes the focus away from my psychosis and towards whatever it is I’m creating. Plus I can make something that symbolizes how I feel while psychotic.

Taking a walk — This can be hard to do if I’m psychotic, as the paranoia makes me think people outside are watching or following me. So what I like to do is pace the hallway in my house. It helps me keep my mind off things.

Journaling — Writing out what I’m feeling can be an immense relief, especially when I’m experiencing delusions. Also I can also look back at these thoughts and reflect on them.

Identifying triggers — Discovering what makes you psychotic can help to prevent future episodes. (Be mindful about who you share this info with as others could use it against you.)

Breathing exercises — When I’m psychotic my stress and anxiety levels ramp up. Just one minute of deep, steady breathing helps to keep those levels under control.

Spend time with pets — Pets don’t judge you for being psychotic. They’re perfect for snuggles, and running your hands through their fur reduces stress and anxiety, and makes for a good grounding exercise.

Asking for reality checks — Sometimes I have trouble telling what’s real and what’s not. When in doubt, asking a trusted person for a reality check can be very helpful in dispelling delusions or paranoia. If you’re alone, recording with your phone can help to verify if you’re hallucinating.

Finding a community online — One if the worst parts of psychosis is feeling like you’re completely alone in this. But you’re not. I found communities of psychotic people on Tumblr, Reddit, Youtube, and more. I find that being around people like me helps me feel less alone in my mental health journey.

[toomanythoughts2]

Dethklok Agere HCs: Murderface Edition

🗡️🎸🖕🤬🪖👨‍🚒🍺🤮💩💢🏌️‍♂️🐯🌭🍨📱⚔️🛡️🏹⛓️🩸🚽🚬

After Toki, I wanted to do my second favorite member of Dethklok: Murderface! I see so much of myself in him and it's hard to not notice the signs. He means a lot to me, especially as someone who also grew up with their grandparents. I hope to do the rest of the band soon. So, this is my boy Murderface 🗡️!

Everything is below the Keep Reading tab.

(Murderface, you are so unwell and I just want to take care of you and show you that you are worthy of love and acceptance.)

🗡️ Ok, so, I think Murderface's regression range is higher than Toki's toddler head-space but not as old as Pickles, who I think is an older/pre-teen regressor. I would say he's around 5 to 8. He's old enough to be by himself and play but small enough to still need help occasionally.

🗡️ As I said before on Toki's post, I don't think Murderface's regression is easily as recognizable as regression. A lot of times, the band thinks he's just being his attention-seeking self. Murderface doesn't even recognize that he's regressing until he's done regressing and feeling weird about it.

🗡️ Murderface, I believe, has voluntary age regression, or Age Dreaming. However, I think his body recognizes that he needs to regress to decompress, so he'll naturally go do those things or behave that way to help regulate those emotions. It gets worse the angrier or more depressed he gets. It's like his body is consciously making him regress without Murderface having the word to know what he's doing. He can stop "regressing" when he wants to, and has the ability to not do it in the first place, but it's been his coping mechanism for so long, he doesn't know what else to do. Mind this, Murderface's regression isn't about just being a baby, I do believe his regression is tightly connected with his self-harm and child-hood trauma. For instance, his inability to care for his personal hygiene is a type of passive self-harm but his regression (tied to his childhood) makes it hard for him to change that habit. Where Toki uses his regression to protect himself, Murderface's regression keeps him trap in his childhood. It won't be until Murderface recognizes he is regressing and working on his mental health will he be able to use his regression to help himself. (I hope this makes sense.)

🗡️ I think he started regressing a lot earlier than people think but they were just unable to identify it at first. I think he began regressing as young as a middle schooler, but the regressing was so minute and so insignificant that no one ever caught it. Additionally, I think middle school is where Murderface first develops the majority of his mental health issues like depression and an eating disorder.

🗡️ It's not until Murderface is taking care of Toki when he regresses that he starts noticing the signs of his own regression. The band all have group mandatory meetings with Dr. Twinkletits about how to best care for Toki and how to spot the signs of his regression to minimize dangerous situations. Murderface is very quiet during those meetings after the realization.

🗡️ While Pickles or Nathan are usually the more knowledge in the topic now, as they are Toki's main CGs, it's Skwisgaar that notices Murderface showing signs of regression first while watching Toki play with Murderface in the living room. He's talks to the rest of the band before they decide to talk to Murderface about it.

🗡️ Of course he heavily denies the claim and refuses to hear anymore about it. But now that the band is aware, they all keep an eye on him just in case.

🗡️ This is a HC of mine that has been stuck forever, but I believe the first time Murderface fully lets himself regress in front of the others is at the beach. The idea is that Toki and Murderface run off together while the other three stay on the beach. Toki regresses and Murderface is stuck taking care of him but the longer he's with him, the calmer he gets. He wants to be like Toki too and just enjoy himself. So they spend the afternoon having fun and going in shops and walking the boardwalk. They come back and Toki collapses on Skwisgaar for a much needed nap. The band fully expects Murderface to sit in his own chair and do the same but he ends up just standing next to Pickles. Pickles has no idea what he's doing but he longer he stands there, the clearer the image appears. It isn't until Murderface asks if he can nap with Pickles do they all realize what is happening. It's a very delicate situation and no one is trying to mess with it, so Pickles says yes and lets Murderface nap with him on his chair. Nathan is busy texting Charles while Pickle holds Murderface. Toki is fast asleep and Skwisgaar is feeling proud of himself for being so observant.

🗡️ Once Murderface was identified as a regressor, a lot of past incidents began to make sense, including the disturbing ones.

🗡️ Murderface self-harms but that doesn't stop in his regression. If Murderface is feeling too little to SH "properly" (like cutting), he will hurt himself in ways that he can like banging his head against walls and hitting himself. He will bite himself and scratch at his skin. Nathan has taken to holding him against his chest to get him to stop.

🗡️ I like to think that Murderface's eating disorder, which I HC as binge eating, is also related to his childhood trauma thus connected to his regression. The combination of self-hatred, depression, and regression make it hard for Murderface to regulate his feelings about food, so he does what knows can "fix" that problem, which is eating. And the more upset he gets, the messier he gets. He uses his hands instead of silverware, he switches between plates before finishing one off, he lets the food and drink spill and stain him. I HC that Murderface grew up in poverty, so there was never enough food inside the house, so he was always hungry. He's confusing his depression with hunger, thinking that if he just eats, he'll feel better because he was always hungry when he was sad. But the older he got, the less this became true but the habit already formed. Regression happens while he's in the process of binge eating. He's slipping into a mindset where this has to make sense, even if it hurts him.

🗡️ Ok, enough of the sad, backstory HCS. Murderface has a hot wheels car track that he sets up in his room or the living room where he races his hot wheels. The others join in as well and it's a good time (as long as Murderface wins a majority of the time).

🗡️ Murderface's regression is not as "baby" as Toki's. A lot of it is very typical young boy interests like cars, trucks, war, and guns. He likes video games and stupid, crude humor like South Park.

🗡️ I don't see him using a lot of traditional regression supplies like bottles or clothes. He likes to remain as he his and doing what he's doing while regressed. Though, he does like to be in comfier clothes when he regresses, so he will change into sweats or worn shirts.

🗡️ Because Murderface is able to identify that he is choosing to regress in moments of stress, he's been able to make great work with Dr. Twinkletits about his mental health.

🗡️ The band is very supportive of him, much to his surprise. He didn't think they would be anything but begrudgingly helpful. But they are genuinely understanding.

🗡️ While I do not think Murderface needs or wants a caregiver like Toki, he does spend a lot of time near Nathan when he feels particularly small. He looks up to Nathan a lot, and wants to be around him.

🗡️ If Pickles notices that Murderface is feeling smaller than normal, he'll quietly switch a few things around to help him drop. He's gotten very good at body language (hand on the back, raking fingers through his hair) and communication (chosen phrases or names that solidify his regression, words of encouragement)

🗡️ Murderface has a lot of crying spells and tantrums that no one can make a lot of sense of, including Murderface. His tantrums aren't like Toki's, which resemble an actual toddlers tantrum. His tantrums look like his normal behavior, except they're followed by tears or a high level of nonsense. His biggest tell is if what he's yelling about isn't even close to the situation he's in. When he's small, he overthinks every little movement or word and worry's about what they mean. These thoughts happen so fast that it's hard for him to track just how he got to his tantrum in the first place.

🗡️ Murderface won't take bubble baths like Toki, but he is much more willing to bathe now that he understands his regression and his depression. He'll put on music while he showers and watch youtube videos on how to take care of his hair. He's still scared that if the band sees him trying they'll make fun of him, but he has to remind himself that this is for himself, not the others.

🗡️ Skwisgaar will often offer to brush through Murderface's hair before bed if he knows he's had a long day. Something about being taken cared of just relaxes Murderface and makes him feel small.

🗡️ Surprisingly, no one in the band is Murderface's favorite. It's actually Knubbler. (He's alive, shut up.)

🗡️ He's an IPad kid (Obviously) but its obnoxiously worse when he's regressed. Pickles as gotten really good at parent locking his IPad to certain hours so he won't use it while they're eating dinner or lunch. Murderface despises it but he also knows if it wasn't there, he would be playing car revving videos at 100% volume while eating.

🗡️ Skwisgaar is very attentive when he wants to be, so he's constantly gently doing things that make Murderface drop without necessarily meaning to, but Murderface never forces himself to stop the feeling. Toki needs a lot of support in his regression, so Skwisgaar naturally does those "Caregiver" things already. Like, cleaning dirty fingers after eating, moving hair out of his face while he's busy doing something, fixing blankets around shoulders, gently moving them int he right direction if he begins drifting away. Murderface doesn't encourage them but he never denies them.

🗡️ Toki adores it whenever any of the other band members are regressed because he feels like he can finally give back after having them all take care of him. He loves playing with Murderface with his cars or playing pretend. Problems happen when Toki accidently regresses in the middle of it.

🗡️ Murderface loves playing pretend war. He has his wake guns with the nerf bullets and the plastic hat. He hides under tables and behind doors and shoots whoever walks by. He's only ever gotten in serious trouble when he got Charles in the butt in his office when he was on a phone call.

🗡️ Speaking of trouble, Murderface does get into some trouble when he's small. The band does not discipline him like they would discipline Toki with a time out, but Nathan does scold him. He's the only one that gets to him when he's small and knows that he's serious.

🗡️ He wants a dog so bad but he's scared the guys won't let him. Skwisgaar and Toki will take him to the local animal shelter to play volunteer. It lets him get all his energy out with the dogs and play fight with the bigger dogs.

🗡️ He will NOT sit a chair correctly. Upside down or on his side ONLY! (Projection as I laid in arm chairs sideways during this age.)

🗡️ He loves He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, He-Man and She-Ra: The Secret of the Sword, TMNT, G.I.Joe, M.A.S.H., Ghost Buster The Animated Show, Thundercats, and Transformers. He's got good taste for older cartoons and shows. It's his biggest tell that he's small or trying to get small is if he's watching one of these shows. However, if he's watching Gilligan's Island or Walker: Texas Ranger, he's trying to get small and be sad. I HC that these are the shows his grandma and grandad would watch when he was a kid.

🗡️ As a child raising by her grandparents, I think Murderface's regression triggers are related to a lot of things that his grandparents did in the house. This could mean the good, the bad, and mundane things. The snapping of a belt, or an expired discontinued perfume, or the sound of an old TV clicker. But also, certain music.

🗡️ So, Murderface is canonically partially Native American (Thunderbolt) but I also adore him being part Hispanic/Latino (Stella being an Americanized version of Estella) Top that off with him being some southern, rural part of America, his music exposure is all over the place. Three types of music help him regress the most: Bluegrass, Hispanic (Salsa + Cumbia + Bachata), and Thrash. I HC that his grandfather played bluegrass before having his stroke and he played some type of string instrument such as lap steel guitar or a mandolin. The sound of it reminds him of sitting in church or his grandfather playing in his spare time around the house. Hispanic, specifically those genres, remind him of his grandmother's radio in the kitchen. She always had something playing while she cooked or cleaned or played dominos with the other older women of the town. On very rare moments, she would dance with Thunderbolt while smiling. It's some of the only calm times in the house. Thrash reminds him of being young and finding music that felt like him. It would remind him of car rides with uncles and staying over at old childhood friends houses and older male cousins that never let him in their rooms. Music helps him regress a lot, whether he wants it or not. (This is all projection btw. Grandfather played bluegrass with a guitar and my father listened to Thrash in the car with me.)

🗡️ He has a very hard time with food when he's small. He eats too much because of part of him is worried about the next time he'll ever get to eat again. Pickles has to constantly remind him that the food isn't going anywhere and if he's full, he can stop eating.

🗡️ Nathan humors Murderface more when he knows he's small. He'll listen more closely to him about song suggestions or his interests.

🗡️ Very rarely will he ask for help when he's small but it does happen. Things like needing help tying shoes or buttoning shirts he will need help in. He also needs help cutting food.

🗡️ He loves swimming. He probably had a lake, river, or pond near him growing up that he swam in. When he's small and it's hot, he wants to play in the pool. He wants to play sharks and minnows, Marco Polo, scavenger, races, and dunking games. He plays with Toki the most but can occasionally get them all involved. Charles usually watches over them all when they do all get in.

🗡️ Hates sunscreen and will run and hide before getting any on his skin.

🗡️ He info dumps big time. To a point where no one has any idea what he could possibly be talking about. He's a big history nerd, so it's a lot of war facts, early American facts, and other miscellaneous facts about cars and guns.

🗡️ Being regressed exposes a lot of his old childhood beliefs, but the biggest ones are the Appalachian superstitions he grew up believing. Charles had an upside down horseshoe places above every outside door for good luck. The klokateers can't wash clothes on Sundays. He refuses to leave a room out a different door than the door he came through. Some of them are funny though like an itchy ear meaning someone is talking about you. He once told that to Toki who immediately went to Skwisgaar to confront him for talking about him. (Skwisgaar was actually talk about him to Nathan but he won't admit it.)

🗡️ Strong physical contact is his best friend for calming down. Just like how adult Murderface likes Pickle's back rubs, regressed Murderface likes head rubs. Something about the pressure feels good and calms him. They use this to prevent any tantrums.

🗡️🎸🖕🤬🪖👨‍🚒🍺🤮💩💢🏌️‍♂️🐯🌭🍨📱⚔️🛡️🏹⛓️🩸🚽🚬

That's all I got for my boy! He is a bit of a challenge, but once I got into his boyish mind, I could really channel him better. I love him so much. Obvi, if you have any HCs of your own, tell me about them! OK, love you, bye! 👋