#it is 2:16 am I will see you in the next round of mornings for me

[shyvioletcat]

A/N: I'm gonna be honest, i lost my editing steam about halfway through Rowan's second POV, so past there we're just going to ignore any errors due to my impatience. Thank you so much for your patience, this chapter has been sitting in my brain for a long time. It's something other than poorly edited

~ Made of Ashes Masterlist ~

~~~~~

Aelin was so tired she didn’t know how she was conscious or functioning. The inevitable had happened, her precious little baby was sick. And she was left floundering.

It had started out fairly mild. Just a little bit of a runny nose and some irritability. The first few days had been next to nothing and Aelin had been able to cope fairly well. She was a little sleep deprived and a little anxious, but that was all and overall it hadn’t been too bad. And then Elsie didn’t get better, in fact she got worse, and everything flipped on its head. Now Elsie was coughing, often wheezing, a low appetite and a fever just to round it out. Aelin was doing her best and she managed to get Elsie to take some pain relievers that helped the baby sleep. The real issue was getting Elsie to eat enough, she was still only breastfed but Aelin fed her whenever she wanted, no matter when. It just felt like it wasn’t enough.

It had been two days of Aelin barely sleeping while fretting over her fussy daughter. Every cough and whimper had her nerves on edge, as did trying to placate to Elsie’s every whim. Aelin was battling this fight on her own. Her parents were on a business trip in Rifthold and she didn’t want to risk spreading the infection to Rue, and Korby was already sick. So Aelin would soldier on, in the trenches and on the front lines. 

Seeing her daughter sick was heartbreaking. It left her with a deep feeling of helplessness, because at the very heart of it there was nothing Aelin could do to ease her baby’s suffering. Nothing seemed to please her and the best Aelin could do was hold her just about every minute of the day. When Elsie wasn’t attached to her mother she cried like her own heart was breaking. Aelin hadn’t showered in a good 36 hours and sustenance came from whatever she could make and eat one handed. 

They were currently on Aelin’s bed with the pillows stacked so that she could lean back and rest Elsie on her chest so they were both mostly upright. Elsie fussed, fighting sleep, her little whimpers sounding congested. Aelin knew her daughter needed rest, it would be the fastest way to get better. A nap would do them both some good in fact. 

“Come on, darling,” Aelin whispered, eyes closed like all her energy diverted to keep her mouth moving. “Just sleep, even for a little bit.”

Elsie protested, rubbing her face on her mother’s shirt, no doubt getting drool and snot everywhere. Aelin didn’t care, dirty clothes weren’t a concern right now. Keeping her eyes closed Aelin started to hum and there was a moment of quiet before Elsie started fussing again. She changed to singing You Are My Sunshine softly. That one almost worked but Elsie’s contentment only lasted about a minute. And then a song came into her head at random, and Aelin was singing it before she even realised what she was doing. 

Beautiful Dreamer, wake unto me,

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,

Lull'd by the moonlight have all passed away!

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,

List while I woo thee with soft melody;

The song was one Rowan used to sing all the time, one that his mother used to sing to him if he was to be believed. Aelin’s voice was weak and uneven, but she did her best. This song sounded better when Rowan sang it, his accent adding a bit of whimsy, almost making it sound like some kind of faerie lullaby. 

Gone are the cares of life's busy throng

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,

Mermaids are chanting the wild Lorelei;

Over the stream let vapours are borne,

Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,

E'en as the morn on the stream let and sea;

Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Elsie went quiet and Aelin let out a shaky sigh of relief. Finally, a reprieve. Aelin sang it again and Elsie stayed quiet, and half way through the third time the baby was asleep. Too tired to care, Aelin didn’t bother trying to open her eyes knowing that sleep was hovering over her. It was barely a minute later and she was asleep. 

Something pulled Aelin to consciousness, not even realising how deep of a sleep she had fallen into. Within a few heart startling moments she would realise it was mother’s intuition. Elsie was still on her chest, awake and in distress. Her breathing was rapid and Aelin was sweating herself from how hot the infant was. Aelin’s body reacted first—tipping forward and cradling Elsie in her arms so that she could see her better. 

Elsie’s breathing was deep and rapid and she was looking pale. One of her fists waved about, knocking the side of her head and ears. And then Elsie coughed, an awful sound that had Aelin’s insides twisting with panic. Her baby was unwell, severely unwell.

Aelin fumbled for her phone, her hand shaking from panic and exhaustion. She couldn’t manage the string of numbers so she went to contacts instead, tapping frantically on the one that simply read: Mum.

“Hello, hello,” Evalin said cheerfully, her face appearing on the screen. 

“Mum, what do I do?” Aelin asked.

Concern flooded her mother’s features. “What do you mean?”

“She’s breathing so hard and her temperature is so high,” Aelin said, her voice heightened with her increasing alarm. “I just fell asleep for a second, just a second.”

Aelin was aware she was reaching hysterics but she couldn’t help it. Panic well and truly had set in and the overwhelming need to protect had taken over, except there was no physical threat. There was nothing she could do. 

“Show me what her breathing is like,” Evalin said, the tension in her voice clear but she was trying to stay calm.

“It’s ah… it’s fast,” Aelin flipped the phone to show Elsie. “And she’s coughing and the pain medicine must have worn off because her fever is back.”

Elsie’s breath caught and she coughed, disrupting her breathing more. Two sets of worried turquoise eyes met each other through the phone screen. Aelin broke. 

“Do I take her to the doctor or the hospital? How am I supposed to drive? I can’t watch her if I’m driving, what if she stops breathing?”

“Oh my sweethearts,” Evalin sounded devastated. “I’m sure she’ll be okay but I think you should take her to the hospital.”

Aelin sobbed, she couldn’t help it. She tried to keep it together but exhaustion and fear were overwhelming her—she was so alone right now. 

“Aelin, don’t drive. Call someone to come get you,” Evalin said. 

 But Aelin’s brain was scrambled, no one immediately came to her. “Who?”

“Aedion, he’s the closest.”

“Yeah, okay,” Aelin said a bit weakly. 

“Call him and then call me back,” Evalin said. “I’ll stay on with you until he gets there.”

Aelin hung up, then called Aedion straight away. She was holding her breath until she got an answer. Somehow she managed to be coherent and Aedion promised to be out the door moments later. Aelin was about to call her mother back when Elsie had a coughing fit, lasting so long that the baby vomited. It covered both of them and Aelin swore under her breath as she tried to contain the vomit and make sure Elsie was all right. 

Elise cried and cried, her pain and discomfort obvious. Aelin tried to comfort her as she bundled Elsie up the best she could and headed for the bathroom, snatching a change of baby clothes from a clean washing basket on the way. There wasn’t time for a shower and Aelin didn’t want to risk the chill Elsie might get after. Aelin stripped the soiled clothes off both of them and threw them in the bathtub and then yanked down a towel to give Elsie a wipe down before dressing her in leggings and a long sleeved t-shirt. The crying hadn’t stopped and Aelin felt tears gathering in her own eyes. The helplessness was overwhelming.

“Aelin.” Aedion was standing in the doorway, his face tight as he took in the scene.

“She’s sick,” Aelin said, sniffling. Her brain was fried and she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Yeah, poor thing.” Aedion’s tone was soothing, low and soft. 

Aelin stood, keeping a safe hold on her daughter. “We gotta go.”

Aedion stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “Hold on—’’

What was he doing, didn’t he realise they had to leave? Now. Aelin was about to verbally protest when Aedion gave her a look that had her biting back the words.

“You don’t have a shirt on, and you’ll need your wallet and the nappy bag.”

Aelin had been so concerned about getting Elsie dressed after the vomiting that she hadn’t got a change of clothes for herself. All Aelin wore was a crop bra and pyjama pants. She couldn’t go to the hospital like this. 

“Pass her to me and go get what you need,” Aedion said, holding out his arms to take the baby.

Aelin nodded, passing Elsie over. “Clothes, wallet, bag.”

Over the crying Aedion repeated, “Clothes. Wallet. Bag.”

Aedion left the bathroom, murmuring to Elsie as she cried, but Aelin forced her brain to focus on what she needed to do now. She needed clothes, and her wallet, and stuff for Elsie. Three things and then they could go. In her bedroom Aelin threw on a pair of leggings and the first clean t-shirt she could find, also grabbing a sweatshirt because hospitals were always cold. Next she darted off to Elsie’s room, stuffing more clothes and nappies and a pacifier into the bag. All that was left was her wallet that was on the kitchen counter. 

She found Aedion pacing between the living area and the edge of the kitchen, whispering to Elsie. Aelin was so focused on getting out the door that she didn’t notice the quiet at first. Her daughter was still whimpering softly but the desperate crying had stopped. It irrationally hurt to see Elsie settled when Aelin had been trying so hard—for days. Aedion’s eyes met hers over the top of Elsie’s head and he gave her a weak smile. 

Aelin didn’t return it, too single minded to sort through her feelings. So she just grabbed her wallet from the bench and she was done. “Ready.”

There was a wordless agreement that Aedion would keep Elsie, at least until they got to the car. Elsie was content for the time being and there was no use disturbing her more than she needed to be, even though it caved in Aelin’s chest a little to keep the distance. Blessedly the elevator was quick to arrive and there were no stops down to the garage parking lot. Aedion unlocked the car, but Aelin opened the door and he eased Elsie into the car seat. As soon as the connection to her uncle’s chest was lost the crying started again. Each second seemed to drag on, and for a few of them Aelin waited just holding the door. When Elsie’s cry broke into a screech it kicked Aelin into gear and she was darting around to the other side of the car and climbed into the back seat. 

“I’m here, baby girl. I’m here,” Aelin tried to soothe and Aedion finished up with the buckle. Elsie’s eyes peeked over at her, her bottom lip pouting. “Just hold on, we’re going. You’ll feel better soon. 

The drive consisted of Aelin repeating assurances over and over again, words of comfort and keeping her hands on Elsie so she knew her mother was right there with her. When they got to the hospital everything passed in a blur. Aedion dropped her at the doors and Aelin hurried with Elsie through the doors. As a sick infant Elsie was seen within minutes.

Aelin felt like she was in a limbo as she waited for Elsie to be assessed. To help with her initial comfort they gave Elsie oxygen and put a monitor on her foot. Next it was quickly determined that she was at risk of dehydration so they attached an IV too. That was traumatic, and Aelin thanked the gods that Aedion was by her side when that happened. He was able to hold Aelin’s shaking hand and help keep Elsie still while the nurse injected the needle in her hand. Aelin wasn’t letting her daughter go, even if she barely had the strength. 

It was nearly another hour before they got the full diagnosis. The doctor had introduced herself as Sorsha and Aelin had to hand it to her, she had an excellent bedside manner. She was patient with both Elsie and her mother while the stress was high. Her hazel eyes were kind and sympathetic, but she was assertive and clear every step of the way. 

Sorsha delivered the news on Elsie’s diagnosis herself. She had RSV, which led to an ear infection and bronchitis. Aelin’s heart seized at the words but Sorscha assured her that it sounded scarier than it was. All three were common and treatable, and it was all caught early enough that there were no serious repercussions. And on top of that they had discovered there was a slight structural abnormality in the tubes that connected her ears to her sinuses which had been the cause of the ear infection. It had to do with drainage and bacteria, but Aelin had been too focused on fixing it that most of what was said went over her head. She was told Elsie would most likely grow out of the ear problems, she would just be more susceptible to more infections until she did. The doctor commended Aelin on her actions and left her to process what she’d just heard. 

Aelin had done the right thing, Elsie was okay— just needed to be monitored.

They were moved from the ER department to a room in the children’s ward of the hospital because they would be staying for at least a few days. Aelin barely left Elsie’s bedside, and quickly fell back into the habit of barely sleeping. There was a reclining armchair for her to sleep in, a consideration made for those parents that would be staying with their children. But the constant beeping and noise of the hospital kept her awake, as did the anxiety over her daughter’s welfare. It didn’t help that every time Aelin started to drift off she was graced with dreams of Elsie screaming, or crying, or vomiting. She would startle awake, unsure of what was reality and what wasn’t, only to find Elsie sleeping soundly. 

Aelin’s mother arrived around lunchtime on their first full day in the hospital, and it was only then that she managed to get a solid amount of sleep knowing that someone else had eyes on Elsie. She was unfortunately woken up about an hour later by a nurse coming in and doing another check. The consensus was that Elsie wasn’t declining, but she still needed to stay in for observation. 

Evalin went out for food, which Aelin only picked at until visiting hours were over. Elsie’s condition had kind of plateaued instead of getting better. Everyone kept saying at least she wasn’t getting worse. What ate away at Aelin was that maybe she hadn’t done enough, that she hadn’t seen the signs earlier and acted too late. Maybe all this could have been avoided if she had been more vigilant. Aelin had been hanging by a thread so she hadn’t noticed how serious Elsie’s condition was. To punish herself further Aelin had googled the what ifs in those hours that she couldn’t sleep and was berating herself for letting it get this far to begin with. 

Another night in the hospital was spent watching Elsie as she slept, sometimes fitfully in between medications. They gave her doses to keep her comfortable but it couldn’t take all her ailments away. The tiny girl still woke up in distress, crying from pain or discomfort from the IV, or coughing and waking up in an unfamiliar bed. Aelin was doing everything she could to make sure Elsie was comfortable and content. But it wasn’t enough. 

A new day started and Aelin was still staring at her daughter, cataloguing everything. Her breathing was easier, but it still shuddered every once and a while. There was a slight decline in the frequency of the coughing fits and blessedly they deemed that Elsie was eating enough that she was unhooked from the IV, temporarily at least. 

Evalin was their visitor today and had taken it upon herself to fill everyone in with the updates, using the group chat on Aelin’s phone. Lorcan was checking in incessantly, because guilt was riding him too. Unbeknown to everyone Korbin had RSV, and yes, it was the consensus that was where the sickness had come from. Elide and Lorcan had kept him home instead of coming to dinner that night, but it seemed that Lorcan had been the one to pass it on to Elsie. He felt awful and had sent Aelin numerous apologies, he even went as far as calling which was all but unheard of from him. Aelin told him it wasn’t his fault, reciting the statistics of how common infections were this time of year. It was winter, it was cold, people got sick.

All her friends were rallying to Aelin’s side, offering any and every kind of help they could—mainly in the offering of food to keep the visitors down in the hospital room. Her mother was in charge of crowd control, Evalin was a pro at managing people and telling them when to do things. That was probably the reason why the next guest arrived.

“Hey,” Fenrys said softly from the doorway. 

Aelin nearly jumped despite the non-startling care he had taken. “Hey, Fen.”

“I’ve got some snacks,” he said, holding up a bag as he walked into the room. “How’s she doing?”

Aelin looked back at Elsie, who was sleeping. “She’s doing okay. Getting better.”

“That’s good,” Fenrys said. 

Fenrys drifted over to where Evalin sat by the window, passing over the food and chatting quietly. Aelin didn’t bother to try and decipher what was being said, the beeping of Elsie’s monitor was too loud. As were the thoughts tumbling around in her head. 

“Go home, Aelin,” Evalin said, snapping Aelin out of her trance. “She’s okay, I’ll be right here.”

“I can’t,” Aelin replied. 

“You can,” Evalin’s voice was a little firmer. “Have a shower, get some clean clothes. I won’t leave her side, I promise.”

Aelin looked up to her mother’s face, seeing the honesty there. If she promised not to leave Elsie’s side, Aelin believed her. It would be hard but Aelin knew it was the right thing to do. She’d been in these clothes for two days and she hadn’t done more than wash her face. 

“I’ll drive you, come on,” Fenrys offered. 

Fenrys dropping by with food had truly been divine intervention or very purposeful planning. Aelin supposed it might be the latter. She might have been able to take her mother’s car, but she wasn’t too confident in her driving right now. With Elsie sleeping and Aelin didn’t want to wake her but she couldn't leave without pressing the softest of kisses to her daughter’s head. 

On the way out to the car Aelin stopped by the nurse’s station just to let them know what was happening and that she would be back as soon as they could. They nodded along and promised to ring if anything occurred while she was out. When they undoubtedly saw the colour drain from Aelin’s face they told her nothing would, because Elsie was doing fine. It still left Aelin’s stomach in a tight knot. 

Fenrys led her out to his car and opened the door for her. Aelin fingers drummed on her thigh as she waited for him to get in. The quicker they left, the quicker she could get back. The usually talkative man was silent on the drive back to her apartment and Aelin wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse. She didn’t have the energy for conversation but the silence also left her alone with her thoughts. They swirled inside her mind, building and inflating into what felt like a treacherous storm.

“Want me to come up?” Fenrys offered as he yanked on the handbrake.

“Um,” Aelin's brain was foggy. “If you want?”

Fenrys looked at her for a moment and then made his decision. “I’ll come up.

As soon as they were out of the car Aelin had her keys in her hand, ready and waiting to get her to her apartment. Then it was just the habitual ride up the elevator and walk down the hallway. 

Being inside her apartment had Aelin relaxing, even if it was just by the smallest amount. She wanted a shower, maybe some food, but then she found she couldn’t move from where she stood in front of her couch. Aelin’s tumultuous emotions were winning, try as she might she couldn’t hold them at bay any longer. She wrapped her arms around her body as the last defence of keeping herself together. It failed and a sob tore out of her before she could stop or flee to where no one could see her long held in breakdown.

“Aelin,” Fenrys said tentatively. She didn’t answer, she just cried harder. 

Fenrys was moving closer and a little voice in the back of Aelin’s head told her to stop crying, wipe her face and smile. But she was tired and sad, her daughter was sick in the hospital and it was all her fault.

“Hey, come here.” 

Arms that weren’t hers wrapped around her and Aelin was pressed against a hard chest. She let it happen, accepting the small gesture of comfort. Tears soaked Fenrys’ shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind, he just kept holding her until she was the one to call it. Aelin was embarrassed at how long it took her to calm down, and even then she couldn’t stop tears from gathering and falling down her cheeks. 

“I’m okay, Fen,” Aelin murmured, not pulling away just yet though. “Sorry about your shirt.”

“I don’t mind,” Fenrys said. “You wanna talk about it?”

“I—” the words were choked on a sob. “This is my fault.”

“What? No.” Fenrys pulled back enough so that he could look down at her. “This is not your fault.”

Those words meant nothing, guilt and despair was all consuming. “It is. Because I am not enough for her. I let it go too far, I should have taken her to the doctor or the hospital sooner, but I was just so tired and I have no idea what I’m doing. Elsie is suffering because I am not enough. I am supposed to be everything that she needs and I failed her.”

“No, Aelin. You know that’s not true,” Fenrys said.

“It is. I should have seen the signs but—”

“Aelin, please listen to me,” Fenrys actually pushed Aelin back so that she could look her in the eyes. She couldn’t hold the eye contact, she turned away, eyes closing and squeezing more tears from her eyes. “Kids get sick, and you were everything Elsie needed. There is no doubt in my mind that you sacrificed just about all of yourself for her benefit. That was enough for her, but shit happens, things that are out of your control. That is what happened. Not you.”

Aelin exhaled, her body shuddering as she tried to wrangle some control over her emotions. She risked a glance at Fenrys’ face. This man was known for his perpetual joking and troublemaking, seeing him so serious was odd but comforting.

“You are more than enough for Elsie,” he said. “You always will be. We’re all here for you, the both of you, but you are all she needs.”

“How did I mess up so badly then?” Aelin’s tears fell with a new fervour. 

“Because you’re new to this and you did do the best that you could. And when you had to, you asked for help,” Fenrys told her. “And RSV is so common, it’s something that they say is only a matter of time.”

“How do you know that?” Aelin asked, dabbing her nose on her sleeve as she finally felt brave enough to step away. 

“I did my research once your mum let us all know,” Fenrys replied. “She’s awesome by the way, real cool lady.”

“I’ll have to tell her you said that, she’ll be flattered.” Aelin felt a bit lighter. 

“What makes you think I haven’t told her myself?” Fenrys said cheekily. That made Aelin laugh and he tapped a knuckle in her chin. “There we go.”

“That’s gross, Fen. Who knew it would take you hypothetically flirting with my mother to break me,” Aelin's voice was shaky with laughter and withheld tears. 

“Had to get you to listen to me somehow,” Fenrys said with a genuine smile. 

“Um, watch TV or whatever,” Aelin waved at the couch. “I shouldn’t be too long.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

That question threatened to trigger a new wave of tears. Aelin had always been too independent for her own good, the last few days had proven that. So not wanting to set off another round she declined and all but fled to the bathroom and showered. It felt amazing and she was more than refreshed when she stepped out onto the mat and grabbed her towel. It was then she noticed that the vomit covered clothes had been removed. Someone had been in and tidied up, and instead of feeling embarrassed she just felt gratitude. 

Dressed and ready to go, Aelin did a quick check of her phone to see if there were any messages. Just one, from her mother, letting her know Elsie had woken up but was content. Aelin knew that would only be for the time being she would have to get back as soon as she could to prevent a monster meltdown. She also noticed that it was mid afternoon on a Tuesday—time and space had no relevance in the hospital. 

Fenrys was sitting on her lounge and Aelin shot him the question her phone had triggered. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Nope,” Fenrys said, not looking over right away. Like he needed a moment to form his single word answer.

“But, it’s a work day. Don’t tell me you took it off for me.” If he had… it was just something else that she would beat herself up over. 

Fenrys now doubt sensed her rising panic as it was broadcasted across the room because he said without hesitation, “I quit. Finally.”

Aelin remembered something about a game company seeking him out, but as far as she knew he had stuck with Stone City. “You what?”

Slapping his hands on his things once, he stood from the couch. “Come on, let’s get you back before your mum eats all the good snacks.”

There was something more going on here, Aelin could feel it. But she definitely lacked the tact to get it out in the right way. So she just nodded and grabbed what she needed. They stayed silent until they got to the elevator, right up to when Aelin started to fidget again. Fenrys hip checked her, making her smile. 

“Remember what I said, okay?”

Aelin turned so that she could face him, finding him looking quite serious but still with that underlying playfulness which she decided to take advantage of. “What exactly? You say a lot and most of it is straight bullshit.”

Fenrys raised his eyebrows at her, like that was the most preposterous thing he’d ever heard her say. But then made a show of contemplating the words, making Aelin smile.

“You may be mostly right,” he conceded. “But you are everything and more to Elsie. You will always be enough, don’t forget that.”

Those words were said with such sincerity that Aelin felt her frayed emotions rise up again. She nodded and then turned away before the tears could fall. Fenrys, being the decent guy that he was, pretended not to notice. Damn him and his unfailing charm because despite herself, Aelin might just be starting to believe him. 

~~~~~

It had been an uneventful few days at work. The company was in their post Yulemas lull, giving all the employees a slight breather. All their clients had blown out their budgets in the lead up to the biggest commercial season of the year and were now recuperating and re-evaluating their next steps. So, all Rowan had to do was maintain contact and scope out new clients, wooing them through stories of successes from the past few months. 

The wider office outside his door was fairly quiet as Rowan read the company email that went out everyday. It was full of information he already knew, most of which he had some hand in as part of his managerial role. Skimming it, Rowan assumed there was nothing he needed to take note of. 

And then he almost missed a memo, it was so short and brief and he’d been intent only glancing over the words. But Rowan’s eyes caught on a familiar name and that was enough to give him pause and to give it the time of day. His eyes went a bit wider and he even went as far as checking his phone like the answer would appear. It didn’t, all he had were email notifications from clients. 

Rowan sat back in his chair, reading over the memo again. Fenrys had left Stone City Advertising. There was no explanation, just a short note that he was leaving that was meant to notify everyone else that there was no point in contacting him. Rowan didn’t know why, but none of his friends had said a thing about it. That unsettled him, and it also made Rowan question why he wasn’t notified as part of his role as manager. He picked up his phone ready to send a text off to Lorcan to ask him about the sudden departure when there was a knock on his office door.

It was Dresenda, a new hire. Maeve’s assistants usually had a two year job life span before they started to look for employment elsewhere. Rowan liked his job well enough but he would never want that job. “Hey, Rowan. Maeve just got in and she wants to see you.”

“Thanks,” Rowan said, standing and slipping his phone back into his pocket. 

Maeve had been over in Terrasen, wooing a high profile client and from how long she was gone, it seemed like some sight seeing as well. It would be bitterly cold there this time of year. The end of January into February was when winter sunk its claws in. Snow would cover the city for days, maybe weeks if they were lucky. In Doranelle the weather was milder all year round, snow was a rare sight here. Rowan loved the cold, it had made Terrasen feel like home in a way—like that climate was made for him. All things considered it certainly didn’t feel that way anymore. 

It was irrelevant, he was here—his life was here. His affection for the cold wouldn’t be enough to draw him back. Roman wasn’t sure there was anything that would lure him back to that city that had so painstakingly thrown him out.

~~~~~

Rowan should have been working. Not technically, but there were things he needed to do. It was a Thursday evening and he’d only left work half an hour later than everyone else with the plans to go home and finish off a few things before he went to bed. And he had opened his laptop and left it by the chair he planned to eat in… but then he’d got distracted. Rowan had made his dinner then had every intention of reading over some reports when he very randomly opened a website for one of the local department stores and was now scrolling through pages of children’s toys. 

He didn’t know much about kids but he knew that they liked toys. His company had developed more than enough advertisements to appeal to the younger audiences to know that it was a very lucrative business to be in. What Rowan hadn’t been prepared for was the sheer amount of variety. 

Dolls, building blocks, miniature kitchens, unicorns, plush toys. The list went on. His mother had mentioned that Elspeth’s birthday was coming up soon, and an idea had taken root. In his quest to get to know his daughter better he had the idea that he might buy her something. To him sounded dangerously close to bribery, but he was willing to try anything. 

Rowan was cleaning up after his fairly late dinner when there was a hurried knocking on his door. He shook his hands off over the sink and then snatched the tea towel from where it hung on the over handle to dry his hands. The knocking came again, this time more urgently. Curiosity had him moving a little faster, wondering who was insistently trying to disturb his evening. 

This time the knocking was short, sharp and hard. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Rowan muttered. 

He swung the door open and the sight in front of him made his heart skip a beat. Aelin stood there, Elspeth cradled in her arms. The child didn’t look good, her skin was pale and her body seemed to be shuddering. 

“She’s sick,” Aelin said, stating the obvious. 

For a moment Rowan just stood there, trying to process. Then his brain kicked into gear, along with a healthy dose of panic. “What’s wrong?”

“I just need you to drive us to the hospital,” Aelin said, ignoring his question. “Please.”

“Yeah, of course,” Rowan wouldn’t press the issue—not when he could see the urgency of the request. “Just one minute.”

The door swung when it was released but didn’t close but Aelin didn’t bother with entering his apartment. All Rowan did was grab his wallet and keys and then found them waiting in the hallway. Elspeth’s head was now resting on her mother’s shoulder and Aelin swayed in place. There was a bag hanging off Aelin’s arm and taking that small burden was the first thing Rowan did.

Aelin rushed off to the elevator and Rowan followed. He kept a cautious eye on Elspeth, feeling useless as they waited. What he was trying to comprehend was that Aelin had come to him for help. It must have been a real emergency then if she wasn’t going to wait around for someone else. Or maybe, Rowan selfishly thought, this was progress.

The elevator finally arrived and Aelin stepped in, Rowan right behind her hitting the button for the garage. Elspeth coughed and then let out a whimpering cry. It was an awful sound, something in his chest twisted because of it. 

“My keys are in the small pocket, we’ll take my car,” Aelin said, nodding at the bag Rowan held. 

He found the keys, holding them in his hand so he was ready. Rowan wanted more information but he knew this wasn’t the time or place to ask, he would just have to silently manage his building concern. And even though he was being useful, he still felt a little helpless struggling with the unknown. He would drive them to the hospital and then what? What would happen to Elspeth when they got there? Would it just be a short stay or would it be longer? Would Aelin want him to wait? What could he realistically do to help in this situation when they got to the hospital? Rowan could feel the tension in his body building with each new question. 

It wasn’t much longer until they were at the car. Rowan left Aelin to get Elspeth sorted and he dropped into the driver’s seat. His long legs were bent uncomfortably and he pushed the seats back. This brought him back to years ago when he would drive Aelin’s car. He always copped it afterwards if he didn’t put it back to the original position. 

“I know, baby I know,” Aelin murmured as she strapped Elspeth into her car seat while she protested. “I know you don’t want to go but we need to make you feel better.”

Rowan monitored the progress in the rearview mirror. When Aelin sat back and clicked her seatbelt into the buckle he started driving. 

Elspeth whimpered and complained, and he saw her reaching for her mother. Aelin lent over and kissed that little hand and gave Elspeth and her own to hold onto. “You’re okay, Elsie. I know it hurts, but we can make it better. 

Rowan was tempted once again to seek some explanation over what had Elspeth so distressed, but it seemed he didn’t have to. 

“She’s okay,” Aelin said, no doubt noting how Rowan couldn’t stop checking the rearview mirror. “I would have taken her to the doctor but it’s after house and the quickest and easiest way to get her seen is take to the hospital. It’s just a bit of a cold but they hit her pretty hard and I just want to get some things checked.”

“Poor thing.” Rowan couldn’t think of anything else to say. 

“We manage.” 

Those words were clipped and a little defensive and they had no need to be. Rowan wouldn’t come for her over this. Gods, seeing Elspeth so miserable and in obvious pain… Aelin was doing the best that she could. And it would have taken a lot for her to knock on his door for help. It stung a little that she would still assume he would think so negatively about her in that way. 

It was ten minutes more before they reached the hospital and Rowan dropped them as close to the doors as he could. Aelin hadn’t said anything besides thanks before she left so Rowan wasn’t sure what he should do. Maybe he’d just wait in the car, but when he parked he saw the bag that Aelin had been left behind. 

Rowan ended up in the waiting room, the bag keeping him company on the seat beside him. Neither Aelin or Elspeth were in sight, and he was glad that they were seen so quickly. To kill time he mindlessly scrolled through his phone, his mind too muddled to do anything productive. The bag next to him was all the prodding he needed to approach the reception desk and get whatever information they would give him. 

“Excuse me, I was wondering if I could get an update on Elspeth Galthynius?” Rowan asked. 

The woman at the desk gave him a polite smile and then clicked a few things. “She’s been moved to the children’s ward.”

“Her mother left a bag with me, am I right to take it through?” He held up the bag as evidence. 

“No problem, go through.”

“Thanks,” Rowan said and then followed the signage to the children’s ward. 

He was stopped again at those doors and he gave the same story and was let through without much fuss. They had also given him a room number so he kept an eye out for the right one. The door was open and he found Aelin sitting next to Elspeth’s bed, watching her daughter. There was a monitor bandaged to Elspeth’s hand and he noted there was an oxygen apparatus next to the bed that wasn’t being used. Besides that Rowan couldn’t decipher anything about her condition because Elspeth was asleep. Rowan could immediately tell that Aelin was less stressed and that was reassuring. She didn’t look ready to fight the nearest threat anymore, her shoulders were looser, the lines of her face more relaxed. He knocked and then stepped into the room. 

“Hey, I just wanted to see if there was anything else you needed,” Rowan said, handing over the bag.

“Oh,” Aelin looked and sounded exhausted. “Um, no we’re okay.”

“Alright,” Rowan still hesitated. “Is anyone else coming? I can leave your car here and get myself back.” 

“Shit, I didn’t even think of that. Take my car, Fen should be here soon,” Aelin replied, rubbing at her face. “Thank you, again.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rowan moved closer so he could lower his voice. “What’s wrong?”

Aelin rubbed her hands on her thighs and swallowed hard. “When Elsie was just about four months old she got RSV, it’s a respiratory infection. Since then she’s been more susceptible to reinfection or getting a bad cough when she gets sick. She also has something a little off about the structure of the inside of her ears, so whenever she gets sick we usually get ear aches as well. Just… Overall she gets infections easier so I always want to make sure they get seen and diagnosed right away.”

Elspeth being this unwell explained why she had fallen asleep so suddenly on him the other day. 

“Do they happen often? The earaches?” Rowan asked and Aelin nodded. “I had ear problems too, the eustachian tubes, Right?”

Aelin swallowed again, eyes darting from him to Elsie. “I didn’t know that.”

Rowan took a chance and sat down on the chair next to Aelin, feeling less awkward and imposing. “I used to get horrible earaches, so bad that I still remember them vividly. But I eventually grew out of them.”

Aelin just nodded, eyes fixed on a spot on the floor. They were quiet for a while and then Aelin laughed stiffly. It left Rowan a bit surprised and he didn’t know what he was supposed to respond with. 

“It hurts so much to see her in pain and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s a sickening kind of helplessness,” Aelin explained. “I try… but it never seems good enough. She wanders off and licks the glass at work or something, or we go to the library and some random kid coughs on her.”

That comment made Rowan huff a small laugh, and to his surprise his response made Aelin lips quirk in a fraction of a smile. But it fell away too quickly and when Aelin looked to where Elspeth slept Rowan could see the unshed tears in her eyes. 

“Last time you saw me I lost her and then there was her almost taking a solo ride in the elevator,” Aelin said. “I don’t know what it is but you seem to keep witnessing my worst mothering moments. I just—”

Aelin broke. Her breath caught and Rowan recognised her tell tale efforts she was dedicating to stop herself from crying. It stunned Rowan for a moment and he was about to tell her that these supposed failings didn’t affect his opinion of her as a mother, but he didn’t get the chance. From what he had seen, Aelin was a dedicated mother, this evening had been proof of that. Right now she was practically shaking—he could see the tremors in her hand from where it rested on the arm of the plastic chair. 

He wasn’t sure what made him do it but he reached and took Aelin’s hand, squeezing it just a little bit. 

“You’re doing great,” Rowan said, hoping she could understand how genuine he was. 

Aelin looked from his hand to his face, reading his open sincerity. She swallowed, and she withdrew her hand to stop tears from rolling down her cheeks. Rowan was searching for something else to say when there was a knock on the door. Aelin’s head jerked towards the door, Rowan looking away from her to send his eyes in the same direction. A pretty doctor stood in the doorway, probably around Aelin’s age, her hazel eyes darting between him and Aelin. 

“Dad, I assume?” she said. 

“No,” Aelin said quickly. “I mean, yes. But no. Gods,” she muttered.

Rowan’s gut twisted at hearing that awful and hurried explanation. He didn’t dare contend it.

“Can we talk outside? I don’t want to wake her.” Aelin stood and was halfway to the door when she stopped. “Is this… you all right with this?”

Meaning being left alone with Elspeth. 

Without hesitation Rowan gave his answer. “No worries, I’ll sit with her.”

An expression filled with mixed emotions appeared on Aelin’s face and then she followed the doctor out the door. Rowan was left alone in the room with Elspeth. It was quiet except for the quiet hum of the machines and Elspeth’s sharp intake of breath every once and a while. She was still asleep, laying on her stomach, her hand with the monitor attached resting beside her head. Her skin was still pale, but there was a rosy flush on her chubby cheeks. Every once and a while she took in a deep breath and it jerked her whole body, making Rowan start every time. He had never seen her this still, she was usually so energetic and it gave him the opportunity to study her. 

She looked so much like Aelin. He could still recall the photos of her as a child that he had seen and Elspeth was like a mini double. But Rowan was also starting to see himself in her too. His mother had been right, the way her brow furrowed was like him and maybe there was something in the shape of her face that was like him. And there were her green eyes, of course. 

Those eyes that opened now, lost and hazy for a moment before they focused on the unfamiliar room and what was weighing down her hand. Elspeth’s face fell, tears quickly gathering.

Rowan was out of his chair in an instant, panicking with the need to calm her down. “Hey, there sweetheart. It’s okay.” 

That did nothing and tears ran down her cheeks as she raised her head up, no doubt looking for her mother. 

“Hey, Elsie, it’s okay,” Rowan said, crouching beside the bed. He realised a moment later that was one of the few times he had said her name. But it seemed to get her attention. “Mum’s just outside, she’ll be right back.”

”Mama,” Elspeth just about squeaked. 

“Yeah, she’s talking to the doctor, she’s still here,” Rowan assured her. 

“Hurts, Rowan.” She remembered him and was saying his name a little better. Elspeth pulled on her ear. “Hurts here.”

So carefully, he pulled her hand away from her ear so that she didn’t irritate it more. “I know, sweetheart.”

Elspeth held onto his thumb, not even trying to go back to her ear. Her hand was so godsdamned tiny compared to his. She didn’t say anything, but did start to cry harder.

”Hey, hey,” Rowan tried to soothe, scrambling for something. “How about a lullaby, one from when I was small?”

She didn’t give a verbal response, just watched him with expectant and wide eyes. Rowan cleared his throat and then started singing. 

Beautiful Dreamer, wake unto me,

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,

Lull'd by the moonlight have all passed away

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,

List while I woo thee with soft melody

Gone are the cares of life's busy throng

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,

Mermaids are chanting the wild Lorelei

Over the stream let vapours are borne,

Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,

E'en as the morn on the stream let and sea;

Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me

Rowan stopped singing and it seemed to have worked. Elspeth breathed a little faster and her eyes fluttered, but she was relaxed and happy. The smile she gave only reached half her mouth with her cheek squished on the mattress. Regardless, it was sweet enough to make Rowan’s chest tighten. It was beautiful in a heartbreaking way. She tried her hardest to keep her eyes open but they stayed close, and just like that she was asleep again. For longer than he should have, Rowan let Elspeth hold onto him, not wanting to lose the small weight of her hand just yet. It was only when he was sure she was soundly asleep and that moving away wouldn’t wake her, he did so. A little regretfully because he had been more than happy to offer her that small comfort as long as she needed it. He sat back in his chair and just waited. 

Aelin came back into the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. “How’d she go?”

”She woke up for a second but then she settled,” Rowan said, some of that awkwardness from before still lingering. 

“Thank you,” Aelin said. 

Rowan couldn’t help the slight smile that tilted his lips, remembering  Elspeth’s little smile. “I was no problem, Aelin.”

“I mean for everything.” 

Rowan took in the way that Aelin stood with her arms crossed, but not with hostility. It was enough of a reprieve to prompt him to ask, “Why me?”

“You were closest,” was Aelin’s simple answer. “I might have been able to drive myself but I would be fretting. Everyone else is on the other side of the city right now and I don’t like to wait, not when it comes to her.”

”I would never have turned you down,” Rowan said. He almost added I hope you know that but Aelin answered before he could. 

But he didn’t need to. “I know that.”

They fell into silence again, slightly awkward, but when weren’t things awkward between them these days? At least they’d expended most of their anger. Aelin shaking her head drew Rowan’s attention, and there was nothing he could think to say. Then he heard hurried footsteps and then the door opened. Fenrys stepped into the room, concern written all over his face. 

“How’s she doing?” Fenrys asked, all his focus on Aelin and Elsie. Rowan wouldn’t have been surprised if his presence was going completely unnoticed. 

“She’s okay,” Aelin said, as Fenrys met her at the foot of the small bed. “It’s her ears again.”

Immediately Fenrys wrapped an arm around Aelin, and it was over her head that Rowan was finally noticed. Fenrys’ dark eyes went a bit wide, but there was no other reaction besides that. Rowan shifted his attention back to Elspeth who was still soundly asleep thanks to his singing. Aelin and Fenrys were conversing quietly and it was apparent that he was no longer needed, so he’d excuse himself and leave. 

“I’ll head back,” he said. “Hope she feels better soon.”

”Thank you, Rowan,” Aelin said again. 

In response Rowan nodded, and with one last look at Elsie, he left. He didn’t get far before he heard his name being called. Turning, Rowan saw Fenrys walking towards him. It gave Rowan a chance to take the other man in—he looked dishevelled, his curls were messy and there was almost a frantic air about him. He must have raced from wherever he’d been, likely getting caught in traffic. 

“Hey,” Fenrys said when he got close enough. “Thanks for bringing them here.”

This was the first civil interaction since the park and, like now, they had been in public. But this time there was no impactful audience here in the hospital hallway. Nothing about what Fenrys was doing right was performative, that much was very clear. 

“Don’t mention it,” Rowan said. “Even if that was the least I could do, I was happy to do it.”

“I know.” Fenrys extended his hand. “I mean it. Thank you.”

This was strange for Rowan. Once upon a time he would have been Aelin’s knight in shining armour, now that role was taken by someone else. Fenrys’ affection for both Aelin and Elspeth was genuine, there was no doubt about that. And Rowan saw the hand shake for the peace offering it was. This was an offer for burying the hatchet once and for all, prompted on by gratitude. 

Rowan had nothing to lose here, and everything to gain. Holding onto this grudge when he didn’t even have the full story of how things ended up the way they had was going to keep him from his goal. Rowan’s priority was Elspeth, any animosity that remained would only cause more damage to everything he was working so hard to build. More than that, seeing the way it had unfolded tonight, how many times had Fenrys been the one to step up when no one else would?

His daughter had benefited from that care and attention. That was the bitter truth of it, because Rowan was not there himself. 

Rowan shook Fenrys’ hand. “It’s all good, Fen.”

Some of that tension lifted from Fenrys’ face, and a soft smile appeared instead as he glanced back to the hospital room. “I’ll let you go.”

”Look after them,” Rowan said and left before he got any kind of reply. 

It was clearer than anything now, Elspeth—and Aelin— had everything they needed. And it wasn’t just a ride home for the hospital. If Rowan left tomorrow, the impact he would leave on Elspeth’s life would be next to nothing. She would go on and forget he existed. That didn’t sit well with Rowan. His daughter didn’t need him but Rowan was beginning to wonder if he was the one that needed her.  

~~~~~

Rowan left and Aelin felt like she could breathe again. She had been thankful for the way he hadn’t even hesitated to get them to the hospital, but there was still so much tension when he was around. 

“I’ll be back in a sec.”

Fenrys left, dropping a kiss on the top of Aelin’s head. She didn’t know what he had to say to Rowan and she was too tired to try and eavesdrop. It didn’t feel like her place to monitor their every interaction, not like it had before. All the volatile feelings that led to adverse reactions seemed to have worked themselves out. That was good, one less thing for her to worry about.

Her boyfriend wasn’t gone too long, and he ended up leading them over to one of the chairs, pulling Aelin down to sit in his lap. She’d been stuck in a trance watching Elsie breathe and hadn’t realised how close her legs were to giving out until they started moving. Aelin leaned into Fenrys, letting the closeness of his body and his steady heartbeat relax her. She dropped down a bit more so she could rest with her feet on the other chair.

“What happened?” Fenrys asked softly. 

Taking in a deep breath Aelin explained everything. Elsie had been rundown for a few days, Fenrys had known that, he’d even been the one to point it out when he picked them up from the shopping mall the other day. It had started with a runny nose, then a cough, then this evening Elsie’s temperature had spiked and the earaches had started. Aelin knew what would happen next, the symptoms would escalate and so would Elsie’s distress. When her daughter was sick she would wind herself so much that it would exacerbate her cough, then she’d vomit and then it would go down from there. At the hospital they could put her on oxygen and give her pain relief, minimising the risk of dehydration and worse.

“Elsie was close to vomiting and I couldn't get her to keep the medicine in her mouth,” Aelin explained. “I weighed my options and Rowan was the best of them.”

”It was good of him to bring you two down,” Fenrys said. “I thanked him for it.”

”I did too,” Aelin said, then she laced her fingers with Fenrys’ and snuggled into his side. “So, it turns out that Elsie’s ear problems were inherited. From him.”

Fenrys huffed out a breath. “Guess that they have more in common than that frown, huh?”

“Mhmm,” Aelin hummed. Then she was silent for a long time, considering if she should say what she was thinking, knowing Fenrys would rally to assuage her doubts. But she couldn’t leave it, not when old insecurities raised their ugly head. “Do you think she might have suffered less if I had of known?”

Just as she knew he would, Fenrys wasn’t hearing a bar of it. “Chances are she would have had the same problems no matter what. Maybe we might have cottoned onto the cause a bit earlier, but don’t beat yourself up about it. Elsie is fine, she always is and always will be as long as you’re her mother.”

Aelin tilted her face up while Fenrys looked down at her. Her boyfriend was full of shit and she was about to tell him so when he stopped down and kissed her. “Don’t start. I’ll always win. I have years of evidence to counter every argument.”

“Fen,” Aelin said, her throat getting tight. “You’re too good to me.”

He kissed her again. “Maybe.”

There was a soft groan from the bed and Elsie stirred, her free hand rubbing at her eyes and she panicked for a moment while she tried to work out where she was. Aelin was instantly moving, sitting on the edge of the bed and smoothing a hand over Elsie’s hair. 

“Hey, I’m here. We’re at the hospital, remember?” 

“Where Rowan?” Elsie asked, raising her head up a bit, but that seemed to disturb her ear which she started pulling at.

Aelin gently pulled that hand away. “He went home.”

Her daughter looked visibly upset by that. “He sung me my song, Mama.”

“He…” it took Aelin a moment to figure it out. The lullaby she had stolen from him. “That was nice of him.”

“He’s my friend,” Elsie said with full confidence, as much as she could be in her sickly state. 

Aelin didn’t know how to take that little bit of news, little did Elsie know that biologically he was much more than that. 

“Uncle Fen!” She said when she saw who was seated behind her mother.

Fenrys gave the girl a smile full of adoration. “Hey there, Pumpkin. Not feeling good?”

Elsie shook her head. “Ears, uncle Fen.”

”We should get rid of them,” Fenrys said, making Elsie gasp.

”No.” she drew out the word, her voice hoarse. 

“I’ll do mine to match.”

Elsie laughed and Aelin smiled along with her. But then her daughter’s demeanour changed to something more serious.

”Home, Mama?”

Aelin shook her head. “Tomorrow, my love.”

Elsie frowned in response, Aelin hated to see her upset.

”Can I come up there and give you a hug?” She asked. 

Elsie nodded enthusiastically, and Aelin cradled her in her arms, rocking back and forth gently. Then she started humming the lullaby again, knowing that it would calm Elsie down immediately. Because Aelin had been singing it for years, ever since that first hospital visit. That lullaby had been one thing she could rely on to soothe her fussy child. While Aelin hummed her way through the tune she tried not to think about the unexpected and lasting effects the father of her child seemed to be having in not just her and Elsie’s lives, but what it might mean for him now as well. 

~~~~~

I have no faith in the tagging system at the moment, for better notifications please follow @works-of-shyvioletcat

[matttgirlies]

Matt & Me🎀

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - age gap,, sexual references

y/nn = your nickname for anyone confused🩷

Chapter 5

For the next two days I locked myself in my room, unable to eat, unable to sleep. Finally my mother said, “This isn’t going to help. Moping around here isn’t going to bring him back. He’s gone. He’ll be getting into his new life, and so should you.”

I forced myself to go to school and found myself swamped by photographers and reporters who were calling me “the girl he left behind” and barraging me with questions.

“How old are you, Miss y/ln?”

“I’m, uh—”

“Your records show you’re only in the ninth grade.”

“Well, ah, yes, that—”

“How long have you known Mr. Sturniolo?”

“About  . . . just a few months.”

“What is your relationship with him?”

“We’re  . . . just friends.”

“Has he called you since he returned?”

“No, but—”

“Did you know he’s seeing Madison Beer?”

“What?”

“Madison Beer.”

Suddenly feeling sick, I excused myself and left.

Each day there were calls from the United States, with offers of first-class round-trip tickets for me to appear on TV. I declined these as well as offers from top European magazines requesting interviews and photo sessions. Letters poured in from lonesome GIs all over the world. I had attracted their attention, perhaps as a soldier’s sweetheart. I also received letters from Matt’s fans, some friendly and some disheartened that maybe they had lost him.

Days passed into weeks and I became more and more resigned to the fact that Matt was now dating Madison Beer and had completely forgotten me. Twenty-one days after he left, the phone rang at three o’clock in the morning. I jumped out of bed, ran to answer it, and heard his wonderful voice.

“Hi, Baby. How’s my Little Girl?”

“Oh, Matt, I’m fine,” I said. “Only I miss you so. I thought you had forgotten me. Everyone was saying you would.”

“I told you I’d call, y/nn,” he assured me.

“I know, Matt, but there were photographers here and reporters and they kept asking me questions, and—oh, Matt, is it true you’re seeing Madison Beer?”

“Hold it. Hold it! Slow down,” he said, laughing. “No it’s not true that I’m seeing Madison Beer.”

“But they said you were.”

“Don’t believe everything you hear, Little Girl. You’ll find people trying to stir up trouble, just to make you upset. She’s a friend, Baby, just a friend. I’m appearing on her father’s show, and it was all set up for her to be here at my press conference when I returned to the States. I miss you, Baby. I think about you all the time.”

After that first phone call, I spent all my time writing and rewriting letters to him, but he never wrote back. Then one day he called, sounding very excited.

“I’m leaving for California in two days, Baby. I’m starting my first movie since the Army.”

All I could think about was whether he’d fall in love with his costar. As casually as I could, I asked, “Who’s your leading lady?”

Matt burst out laughing. “You don’t have to worry, Baby, I haven’t met her yet, but I hear she’s real tall. Her name’s Juliet Prowse. She’s a dancer and she’s engaged to Frank Sinatra.”

Relieved, I asked, “What’s the name of the film?”

“Wouldn’t you know it,” he answered, “G.I. Blues. I think it’ll be pretty good. I’m a little concerned that there are too many songs in it, but I think it’ll work out. It had better, or I’ll have a few choice words to say.”

A few weeks later Matt called again. His enthusiasm for G.I. Blues had turned to bitter disappointment.

“I just finished looping the goddamn picture,” he said dejectedly. “And I hate it. They have about twelve songs in it that aren’t worth a cat’s ass,” he said angrily, and then added, “I just had a meeting with Colonel William about it. I want half of them out. I feel like a goddamn idiot breaking into a song while I’m talking to some chick on a train.”

“Well, what’d the Colonel say?” I asked.

“Hell, what could he say? I’m locked into this thing. Already been paid,” he complained. “They seemed to think it’s wonderful. I’m goddamn miserable.”

“Maybe the next one will be better,” I said.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, starting to calm down. “The Colonel’s requested better scripts. It’s just this is my first film since I’ve been back and it’s a joke.” There was a long pause as static filled the line. Finally Matt said, “I gotta go, y/nn, and I can barely hear you. I’ll call you soon, be good, I love you.”

I was living in a state of suspended life, waiting for Matt’s infrequent calls. There was never a pattern to them. He would phone out of the blue after three weeks—or three months. He always did most of the talking, chatting about his current film or his costar. Occasionally, he’d talk about Nicole, saying their relationship wasn’t what he had expected when he returned from the Army. He was no longer sure he wanted to be with her. I didn’t know where I stood. Time and distance had created doubts and questions; I wanted to ask him, “Where do I fit in your life? Or do I?”

Matt was still mentioning that he really wanted me to see Graceland, especially at Christmas, when it was its most beautiful. He said I’d meet Pauline, the maid. Matt called her Pauline VO5. He laughed and said, “I’ll tell her, ‘O Five, I’ve got a little girl I want you to meet.”

This gave me some hope of a future. I wanted to believe him when he said he still cared for me. But during the periods when I did not hear from him, I couldn’t help but doubt that I would ever see him again. I heard his latest hit record, “(Marie’s the Name) His Latest Flame,” and felt sure that he’d fallen in love with a girl named Marie.

That summer, Paul Anka was on a European tour. He was to make a guest appearance at a nearby Air Force facility in Wiesbaden. I slyly arranged for my mother to drop me off at the time specified for his arrival. My intentions, unknown to her, were highly contrived and they had to do, strictly, with Matt. I wanted to ask him if by chance he knew Matt and if Matt had ever mentioned me. But when he got out of his car he was surrounded by fans, and I was too shy to push through the crowd to speak to him.

I gleaned every bit of news about Matt that I could. I listened constantly to the overseas radio and scanned every article in The Stars and Stripes newspaper. But each story about Matt I read only upset me all the more. Besides Nicole, he seemed to be romantically linked with many beautiful young starlets in Hollywood—Tuesday Weld, Juliet Prowse, and Anne Helm, among others.

I wrote him: “I need you and want you in every way and, believe me, there’s no one else  . . . I wish to God I were with you now. I need you and all your love more than anything in this world.”

It was a cold, snowy day in March 1962, nearly two years since Matt had left Germany. In the late afternoon, I received a call from him. It had been months since we last spoke.

“I’d like to make arrangements for you to visit me in Los Angeles,” he said. “Do you think we can work it out?”

Stunned, I blurted, “What? I’m not sure. Oh God, I wasn’t expecting this. It’s going to take some time, some planning.”

I didn’t think my father could ever be persuaded to let me go. There were several phone calls with Matt trying to say all the right words to please my parents. I had separate talks with my mother, hoping she’d help me convince Dad.

Once again Matt met every one of Dad’s demands: that we wait until I was out of school for the summer, that Matt send me a first-class round-trip ticket, that he send my parents an exact itinerary of my daily activities for the two weeks I’d be in Los Angeles, that I be constantly chaperoned, and that I write my parents every day.

The next few months might as well have been years. I marked off each day on the calendar until we would be together.

Los Angeles

When the plane landed in Los Angeles, I found the terminal bustling with vacationing students. But I easily spotted Nate Doe, who was still working for Matt.

It was good to see Nate. His big smile and warm embrace were comforting. I loved hearing him tell me I looked great. I didn’t think I did. The last time Matt saw me, I had been fourteen years old and five pounds lighter. I was afraid that he might be disappointed when he saw me, that he might send me home the next day.

I got my first glimpse of Los Angeles when we drove in from the airport. It was beautiful, a far cry from the drabness of postwar Germany. As we passed the MGM studios in Culver City, Nate said, “That’s where Matt films most of his movies.” Soon we were speeding along the legendary Sunset Strip and through the large wrought-iron gates of Bel Air. I was entering a world I’d never experienced. Every home along the winding road seemed grander than the one before.

We turned in at Matt’s house on Bellagio Road, a large home modeled after an Italian villa. We were greeted by Matt’s butler, who introduced himself as Arnold and said, “Mr. S is in the den.” As we walked through the door, I could hear loud music playing and people laughing. Nate led me downstairs.

Before entering, I took a deep breath. The years of waiting were now over.

In the dim light I saw people lounging on a couch and others standing over a jukebox, selecting songs. Then I spotted Matt, dressed in dark trousers, a white shirt, and a black captain’s hat. He was leaning over a pool table, ready to make a shot. I wanted to run to him, but this roomful of people was not the setting I had dreamed of for our first meeting. I continued to stand there, watching him.

He looked up and saw me and after a slight pause his face lit with a smile. “There she is!” he shouted, throwing down his cue stick. “There’s y/n!”

He made his way over to me, picked me up in his arms, and kissed me. I held onto him for as long as I could—until he put me down. “It’s about time,” he said, joking. “Where have you been all my life?”

Aware that every eye in the room was on us, I was uncomfortable and embarrassed. I quickly wiped the tears from my face before anyone noticed. Matt took my hand and introduced me around, and then we sat down together.

“Baby, I’m so glad you’re here,” he kept saying. “I can’t wait to show you around. You’ve grown up. You look great. Let me look at you. Stand up.”

As his eyes surveyed me, I became increasingly self-conscious, and I didn’t want him looking too long. He might find flaws.

He looked terrific, although I was surprised to see that the brown hair he’d had in the Army was now dyed black. He looked thinner, happier.

“Don’t go away,” he said. He kissed me lovingly, then returned to the pool table to finish his game. The night seemed to go slowlytoo slowly. While Matt continued his game a few of the girls eased their way over to me and started talking. They said Matt threw parties almost every night.

Hearing this and watching him as the night progressed, I felt out of touch with his new life, even though the girls told me he talked about me often and even showed my pictures around.

Playing pool, Matt laughed and joked around, and when one of the girls bent over the table to attempt a shot, Matt poked her in the backside with his pool cue. She shrieked in surprise and everyone laughed,everyone except me. I couldn’t help noticing that there had been a slight change in Matt. He’d left Germany a gentle, sensitive, and insecure boy; through the course of the evening I’d see that he now was mischievous and self-confident to the point of cockiness.

He also seemed quick to anger. When a girl cautioned him to watch out for a glass that was perched precariously on the edge of the pool table, he shot her a dirty look, as if to tell her, “Move the glass yourself.”

I felt a surge of uneasiness. I was unsure of what to do or say. Between shots he’d come over and give me an affectionate kiss, ask if I was all right, and then move back for his next shot. Meanwhile, the curious stares of his female admirers never left me.

It was after 12:30 a.m. when Matt finally sat down next to me. Now it was like the old days in Germany: He was suggesting that we go to his bedroom. “Up the stairs, the first door to your right,” he said. “The lights are on. I’ll be right up.” I started to rise. “Wait a few minutes, until I get up and leave,” he said. “That way it won’t look so obvious.”

I wasn’t sure if I liked that. I knew he was protecting me, but there were so many pretty girls around, I wanted to make sure everyone knew he was mine—at least for as long as I was here. I’d waited too long to be discreet. I got up, stretched a little, and politely said good night to everyone, hoping they would know exactly where I was going.

I ran up the stairs and easily found Matt’s bedroom. How different it was from his ordinary-looking quarters in Germany. I never imagined him living in such luxury—thick carpets, exquisite furnishings—but the room had a welcoming, lived-in feeling.

And then my eyes fell on the king-size bed in the middle of the room. I immediately thought of how many women might have slept there  . . . whose bodies he had embraced. . . and even worse, whose lips had passionately pressed his and driven him to ecstasy. I couldn’t think about it anymore.

I walked over to the French doors, which overlooked the driveway, and saw Matt’s guests exchanging good nights as they got into their cars. Knowing he’d probably be coming up soon, I rushed into the large adjoining bathroom.

Within ten minutes, I had jumped in and out of the bathtub, combed my hair, brushed my teeth, and dusted my entire body with some powder I’d found in the medicine cabinet. I put on my favorite blue pajamas and stood motionless before the door leading to the bedroom. I was so apprehensive that I was unable to open the door. This was the moment I had both longed for and feared. I sat down on a chair and remembered that when I’d been fourteen, Matt had said that I was “too young.” Now that I was sixteen I tried to imagine just what this new Matt, who I hardly knew at all, might be expecting of me.

About fifteen minutes later, I heard him as he opened the bedroom door, yelling down to his cousin, Billy Smith, who also worked for him: “Don’t let me sleep later than three tomorrow, Billy.” Then I heard him close the door, lock it, and call out, “Where are you, Baby?”

“I’m in the bathroom,” I shouted. “I’ll be just a few more minutes.”

“Don’t take too long. I want to see my girl.”

I still couldn’t move.

He called again: “What are you doing in there, y/nn? No one takes this long to get ready for bed.”

It was the moment of truth: Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked out. Matt was lying on the bed, facing me. I walked slowly toward him, climbed into the bed, and lay down next to him. Our faces were only inches apart. It was such an unexpected moment of tenderness that I was mesmerised looking into his eyes. We lay there for what seemed like a long time, staring at each other until our eyes filled with tears.

Matt softly touched my face. “God,” he whispered. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. You’ve been an inspiration to me. Don’t ask me why, but I haven’t been able to put you out of my mind since I left you in Germany. It’s been the one thing that’s kept me going.”

I couldn’t hold back any longer: Tears streamed down my face. Matt took me in his arms and held me close, but I couldn’t get close enough. If I could have gotten inside him, I would have.

“It’s gonna be all right, Baby. I promise you. You’re here now and that’s all that matters. We’ll have a good time and not think about you going back.”

As we lay in the dim light, he soon discovered that I was still as untouched as he’d left me two years before. Relieved and pleased, he told me how much this meant to him. It was as if every feeling I had as a woman began to emerge, and I began kissing him passionately. I wanted him—I was ready to submit entirely to him. He returned my passion. Then, abruptly, he stopped.

“Wait a minute, Baby,” he said, speaking softly. “This can get out of hand.”

“Is there anything wrong?” I was fearful that I wasn’t pleasing him. He shook his head, kissed me again, then gently put my hand on him so I could feel for myself just how much he desired me, emotionally and physically. He pressed his body to mine and it felt wonderful.

“Matt, I want you.”

He put his finger to my lips and whispered, “Not yet, not now. We have a lot to look forward to. I’m not going to spoil you. I just want to keep you the way you are for now. There’ll be a right time and place, and when the moment comes, I’ll know it.”

Although confused, I wasn’t about to argue. He made it clear that this was what he wanted. He made it sound so romantic, and, in a strange way, it was something to look forward to—just as he had said.

Later that night he told me that I had to stay with friends of his, George and Shirley Barris. Although I protested, Matt said, “I don’t want to go back on my promise to your father. Besides, if he found out you were staying with me, he’d make you go right home.” It didn’t make any sense, but I got out of bed and Matt had Nate drive me over to the Barrises’ house, where I would spend the night. Reluctantly.

Later I found out through one of the wives whom I had befriended the reason for my spending that first night with George and Shirley. Apparently Nicole had been sent back to Boston the day before, and Matt was taking precautions to avoid any awkward situations for himself that might have resulted from late-night phone calls.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd.

This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - longer chapter to make up for the last shorter one🩷

[bellarkeselection]

1 - Long Time No See

Part 2

The Sheriff’s Daughter

Tag list ( send an ask to be added ) @child-of-of-the-sunshine @hcwthewestwaswcn

Pushing the main door opened that belonged to the Sheriff’s department of Montana. I walked past the front desk to my fathers office door lightly kicking it open rather than knocking. “Morning daddy, so what cases do we have to work on today?”

“Nothing too serious for now, honey. I mostly just have paperwork needing to be filled out.” My father said leaning forward in his chair at his wooden desk. A stack of papers was in front of him from previous cases needing to be documented.

I sit down in the seat on the other side of his desk. “Well I can help you with some of the paperwork.”

“You don’t have to do that. Trust me you do enough here already. Much more than your mother or sister care for.” He raised a hand grabbing a pen beginning to fill them out.

From my junior year of high school I knew that I wanted to help my father and be in the police department like he was. My sister Debbie and our mother weren’t big fans of the concept and still aren’t to this day. Only difference is now I am old enough to do whatever I want regardless of their approval. “Daddy, from the day I turned 16 I knew I wanted to be like you. Let me help you please.”

“Honey, I just don’t want you to be missing out on life cause of this job. You’re a great help but remember to live your life outside of work too.” My father removed his hat, sending me a smile.

Sending him a smile back. “I know that, daddy.”

“Excuse me, sir.” We both turned our heads seeing his front desk assistant standing in the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt your conversation. But Mr. Dutton is here to pick up his updated gun permit paperwork.”

My father Donnie raised a brow. “John?”

“No, sir. It’s his son Kayce.” She answered his question.

I nearly jumped up where my head hit the ceiling and I knocked the wooden chair down where it clattered to the floor. “Kayce’s back in town.” She stepped out of the way when I bolted past her down the short hallway.

“The boss should have everything already filled out for you.” The other front desk assistant spoke towards someone.

I rounded the corner halting in my tracks and the boots I was wearing shrieked against the ground. I gasped slapping my hands on the sides of my hips not expecting to see him back here. “Well I’ll be. Look who the horses and cattle dragged in.”

“Y/n! Hey, long time no see.” The younger Dutton turned his head in the direction of my voice, noticing me standing there in some ripped blue jeans and a deputy jacket.

I pushed part of the hair of my ponytail out of my line of sight. “I thought you’d skipped town years ago, Dutton.”

“And leave you permanently to entertain yourself, that'd be a crappy friend of me.” Kayce strides over to me holding open his arms and we embrace the other in a warm hug. Kayce and I had been ready close back in school. Not exactly what you would call a best friend but we were almost close to being that until he got a girl pregnant and we lost touch after that.

I remember the last time we were really close with one another…I’ll always remember it.

The school bell rang and everyone came rushing out of the local Montana high school with me heading outside looking for my father’s truck. That afternoon was very important for my father since he would find out if he had become the new sheriff or not. Sitting down on the metal bench outside I put my backpack down at my feet. “Y/n, what are you still doing here?”

“Waitin’ for my father to pick me up.” Whipping my head around I saw Kayce come out of the back door of the school carrying his duffel bag on his left shoulder.

He gestured with his freehand to the side of the bench that I wasn’t using. “Can I sit?”

“Sure.” Scooting over I made room for him where we sat down next to each other.

He leans back on the seat. “I’m surprised to not see Bridget or Marlowe with you.”

“Marlowe is at home sick and Bridget has cheerleading practice. What about you, cowboy. What are you doing?” I asked him with a curious look on my face.

The son of a rancher answered. “I was heading home. My father and I need to talk about something…something that might change quite a few things depending on how he reacts.”

“Hopefully your father won’t be too angry with whatever you did. And don’t worry if things go south I’ll have your back.” I nudged his shoulder with mine chuckling lightly at him.

Kayce ran a hand through his curly brown hair. “So you’re really gonna work for the sheriff’s department?”

“If I’m lucky enough, yes.” Clasping my hands together in front of me, shifting my gaze up to meet his deep brown eyes feeling my face turning red. “Kayce, can I tell you something?”

He nodded his head simply yes. “Anything.”

“Kayce, I have been thinking lately and I…I think I might be starting to have feelings for y-” I get cut off short when a truck horn honked and we both turned our heads towards the sound.

My father’s truck was parked there with him rolling down the window. “Y/n!, are you ready to go?”

“Uh coming dad.” Snatching my bag off the ground and on my back I waved bye to the rancher. “I'll see you later, Dutton.”

Kayce waved bye to me. “Bye Haskell.” Shutting the passenger truck door I slumped down in my seat glancing back at him outside my window as we drove off considering that was the day I realized I should have told him how I felt sooner.

Kayce and I separated from each other still holding the same familiar smile after seeing the other years later. Kayce stared down at me about to say something before someone came around the front desk. “Dad, when are we going back to the ranch?”

“Dad. You have a kid?” Knitting my brows together I couldn't fathom the words.

He nodded seeing a boy that had similar hair color to him but his eyes were a darker brown. “Hi, I’m Tate. What’s your name?” The kid waved standing beside his father’s hip.

“I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you.” I waved to the little boy.

Tate moved his head up tugging his father’s sleeve. “Do you want to come see the ranch with us?”

“Oh Tate, I don't think she’s free. She’ll probably have to get back to work.” Kayce trailed off sending me a half smile.

Shrugging my shoulders I cut him off. “I’m not busy at the moment. My father - the sheriff is just filling out paperwork for the afternoon. If he needs me he’ll call me through my radio.”

“Okay then let’s go.” Tate spun around on his feet, he grabbed my wrist trying to drag me outside the door with him.

I gently yanked my wrist from his gesturing my head down the hallway I had come from. “I’ll just double check with my boss and I’ll meet you two out at your dads truck okay.”

“Sounds good. Come on, kid.” Kayce pushed Tate towards the door, sparing a glance at me before I went around the corner back to my father’s office.

Knocking on the sheriff office door, creaking it open slightly, seeing my father was still working on his paperwork. “Dad, I’ll be back later. Heading to the Dutton ranch.”

“Be careful out there. The Dutton’s are known to be trouble.” He sent me a look.

I sent him a military salute without another word to him. “Don’t I know it.” We had to cover up more of their problems then any other ranch family, but I respected what they did to keep their land.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[anerdinallherglory]

Approaching Sun (34)

Author’s Note: Hi! Me again! Life is consistently a wild ride. I have OCD when it comes to raising my child and want to be as emotionally and physically available as I can as a mom, so my free time is limited. I completely underestimated the SAHM gig; it’s a 24 hour job. It also takes me twice as long to knock out a chapter because I can only find the time to write during nap time. As mentioned before, I am also trying to find time to work on my own novel, so between it and AS, the time is split. For those of you who have been reading AS for a long time, thank you for your patience and dedication to the story. You guys rock. This ship will reach shore eventually. For the landlubbers, this sea is a long one. Beware the journey. P.S. I usually write around 6,000 words per chapter and this one is over 10,000! Hope that helps the wait!

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33

Chapter 34: All Wars, Theirs.

After performing her rounds at the hospital the next morning, Sakura found herself staring into Mako’s cell again as the man who betrayed her looked at her dejectedly through the bars. His head was rested back against the wall and his chin jutted forward as he watched her. Ironically, Sakura came carrying a cup of tea in her palms, debating on whether to drink it herself or offer it to Mako.

When she placed the steaming cup through the bars and onto the ground, sliding it forward carefully to refrain from sloshing it over the porcelain rim, Mako raised an eyebrow and snorted a dubious laugh. “You can’t be serious, right?”

Sakura shrugged her shoulders innocently in response. “I thought we agreed to be close colleagues again.”

He sat up straight as he responded. “I don’t remember agreeing to that. Second, we were never really close to begin with; I only ever gave you the tea to lull you into a sense of trust.”

Sakura dismissed the confession because it was already common knowledge between them anyway, and said, “Yes, yes. I’m aware.”

“Then you have a distressing sense of humor,” Mako breathed, gesturing to the tea between them as he stood from his lonely, reclined spot against the sand-constructed wall at the back of his cell. Stooping, Mako reached for the tea and cradled it in his hands all the way down as he replaced its spot on the floor with his cross-legged figure.

Sakura mirrored Mako’s sitting position on the other side of the bars strategically, a tactic she often used when talking with someone she wanted to make feel at ease.

Seeing straight through the method, Mako sipped the tea before asking sarcastically, “Am I due for another therapy session now, Doc?”

Sakura shrugged off his sardonic comment and decided to move straight to the point. “Where is the heart of your organization? Are they based in Tanigakure?”

Mako shot his eyebrows up, swallowing the tea thickly at the abrupt question. He replied with another patronizing question. “Doesn’t your Kazekage know that? Why don’t you go and ask him?”

Sakura said bluntly, “He more than likely does. But I don’t. I want you to tell me yourself.”

Mako set his tea down, suspicion darkening his gaze. “There’s a reason you don’t want to ask him, then. Tell me and I’ll consider sharing what I know with you.”

Sakura was either extremely transparent today, or Mako had truly spent their time together as physicians studying her so thoroughly that he was able to see straight through to some of her thoughts, and it gave Sakura a slithering sensation of uncertainty in her gut.

Sakura frowned back at Mako for his intuitive guess, because in all honesty, Sakura had spent the morning tending to a countless number of patients, recalling familiar faces and learning new names, and had recoiled once again at Gaara’s plans of an inevitable confrontation within Sunagakure.

Even though none of this was Sakura’s fault, she couldn’t help but feel like her presence in the Sand Village endangered the citizens here. She had wanted to believe that Gaara had everything under control, especially since Kakashi, Shikamaru, and the rest of Team 7 were here and ready to go through with plans of Gaara’s design. Sakura, too, had convinced Sasuke last night to trust in Gaara’s approach, saying: “It’s the best option we have.” To which, Sasuke had interjected with the idea of going to Tanigakure to intercept the enemy himself, saying, “A covert operation with one person wouldn’t involve Konoha and Suna. It would be discreet.”

And at first, Sakura had rejected this idea because it didn’t make sense. Sasuke had his mission. To tangle himself up in this now when he had just had a breakthrough would delay his progress and distract him from a far superior threat to Konoha. And Gaara was more than capable of handling this, but then again, Sakura believed that so was she. And so, Sakura had contemplated Sasuke’s “covert operation with one person” idea throughout the night, wondering if it wasn’t an entirely preposterous plan if only it didn’t involve the Uchiha, but her instead.

As Mako blinked at her, expecting her response, Sakura covered for herself by saying, “I just want to confirm his suspicions.”

“Liar,” he accused, and Sakura frowned again at Mako’s own forthrightness. He had stopped hiding himself, Sakura realized. He was allowing her to see who he truly was, and Sakura felt somewhat sad knowing that the kind and exceedingly thoughtful version who had fooled her truly had just been a ruse. This Mako was abrasive and it kind of reminded Sakura of the sensation of having just a little too much salt, not enough to deter you from the food, but more than enough to make you blanch and investigate the dish more carefully.

“What can I possibly do in here?” he asked as he motioned around him at Gaara’s impenetrable sand, no longer humming in the air, but solid and unyielding in its shape of the tunnels and countless cells. Sand that Sakura was sometimes wary around simply because of its desire to do its master’s bidding. As if specks of it could whisp away to speak into the Kazekage’s ear whenever it wished. Sakura knew she was being too paranoid simply because she was harboring a secret plan of her own, one that Mako was beginning to discern. Could she tell him? Should she tell him?

As if he could sense her hesitation, he added, “I did promise to spend the rest of my life—however short it may be—atoning for my actions, you know. And it’s not like I can run off and tell your secrets now, can I?”

Not entirely ready to believe him or trust in him again, Sakura sighed and told him a half-truth instead. “I want to know that, because I want to talk to the organization myself.”

Mako’s eyebrows raised and he laughed sharply. “You want to talk to them?”

Sakura nodded.

All of his false humor instantly died away at her confirmation. “Listen, if Leaf shinobi just show up there, on their turf, things are not going to go your way. They certainly aren’t going to talk to you about anything.”

“And why is that?” Sakura questioned.  

“Because you are not their only target.”

Sakura’s stomach dropped at his sudden revelation. “What do you mean? I thought—”

“You are a target,” Mako interrupted, “A very big target—their most important one—but not their only one. You are at the top of the list. But after you, there will be others.”

“Like whom?” she probed.

“Anyone with power and influence whose ideals align with yours. People responsible with healing the next generation directly. Doctors, missionaries, leaders, teachers. The list goes on.”

“How many members,” Sakura asked, leaning toward the bars. “And is the Shade not the leader?”

“Not many, actually, but growing by the day.” Mako confessed easily and quickly, and Sakura could see that it was the truth. “Kasek, the man of shadow you refer to as a Shade, is one of the leaders. But there are others. He is not the mastermind.”

“Then who is?”

“I was new and never made it that far into the organization to find out. Hisa didn’t even know, and she has been involved much longer. They operate on a need-to-know basis, and she only ever consulted Kasek.”

“I see,” Sakura sighed, hoping for more intel than that.

“They are based in Tani as the Kazekage expects, but they are spread out. Or were. As they looked for you and the others. They might be dispersed and not all at the central location. From what I could gather from my conversations with the others, finding them all will be like searching for one cockroach at a time in a growing infestation.”

Sakura bit the inside of her cheek as she listened to this last bit, not entirely sure what she was expecting in the sense of her enemies’ locations. Sakura hadn’t been so naïve to hope that she could locate a singular location with all the bees inside their hive, but she had hoped for something more positive than the dismal reality that they might not be located at their base at all. This group and their teams and separation reminded Sakura, eerily of the Akatsuki. And if all of this was true (it was wise to only take Mako’s advice with a grain of salt), this brought Sakura full-circle to Gaara’s plan which was to lure them into Sunagakure. She hated to throw a wrench in any plans, but Sasuke was right. She needed to do something else, something less dangerous for everyone.

She had learned what she needed, so Sakura stood, dusting the sand off her pants.

Mako jumped up at her sudden indication of departure and blurted, “What’s your plan? I only told you this so you would think twice about whatever schemes you have. Even with your friends’ help, it’s dangerous. They will kill you.”

Sakura wanted to laugh at the preposterous idea of Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke being taken down by any enemy at this point. The three of them would die from old age, she was sure of it. She even had confidence in her own abilities despite how aware she was of the fact that this newly formed organization had no hesitancy to take her life. She vividly recalled how Mako had tried to convince Hisa to spare her life, arguing that she was too useful to kill. But she had bested them, hadn’t she? Even the shade who had corpsified her arms.

“Would I have really learned my lesson if I told you my plan?” Sakura asked him as she placed a hand on her hip and smiled pointedly at him. But Mako grabbed the bars between them, eyes narrowing once again.

“Listen, I know you have no reason to trust me, but take me with you.”

Sakura laughed out loud this time, unable to help herself as she covered her mouth with the soft side of her curved hand. Mako only glared. “Take you? Why on earth would I do that?”

“Because,” he hissed, “I could help you. You could use my affiliation with the group in whatever way you thought was best. They will more than likely kill me, but I could come up with something to get us in.”

Sakura’s smile disappeared. “The only help I need from you is for you to stay in this cell where you can’t stab me in the back again. I may have extended a hand of collaboration to you, but that doesn’t mean I’m dumb enough to trust you completely.”

Mako instantly responded with a frown, “You’re making a mistake.”

Sakura turned her back to him, ordering, “Start planning for your future here while I am away. The clinic needs you.”

As she began walking down the dark corridor of the underground tunnel toward the exit, she heard Mako yell after. “I? You’re going by yourself?!”

But she didn’t respond. The sand door that had fallen away before, floated back into form behind her, solidifying into a solid, soundproof barrier once more.

.

.

.

Despite his words last night, Sasuke was the one who was distracted. Distracted from his mission by so many different things, all of them pertaining to a certain pink-haired kunoichi whose cherry-blossom color bled into every crevice of his mind. Pale fingers tracing his back in the dark privacy of a shared room, Mako’s declaration of incoming enemies with the purpose of killing her, and Gaara’s various plans for their arrival were at the top of his thought list—right up there along with how much he wanted to throttle his blonde best friend for his incessant slurping.

Sasuke was trying to explain to Kakashi the development of his mission regarding the foodpill’s ability to lengthen his span of jump between Kaguya’s dimensions. At the mention of foodpills, however, Naruto had insisted he was going to resort to eating some of Sakura’s disgusting ‘mudballs’ himself very soon if they didn’t make a food stop and continue this discussion over a meal.

And so, this is where Sasuke currently found himself: sitting annoyingly squished in a small corner of a crowded food market stall located in the busiest section of the market square, closing his eyes tightly as Naruto shoved another bite of seasoned rice and meat stew loudly down his oversized gullet.

And now Kakashi had just brought up the very topic Sasuke had been brooding over since Gaara had announced to the group his plans on dealing with Sakura’s newfound enemies. The very topic that had Sasuke so distracted. Sasuke had been fantasizing ways to take out that lazy, spiky-haired strategist for even suggesting that Sakura be used as a lure in the first place. Shikamaru did not sit amongst them at the moment because he had “better things to do” in Suna at the moment, which thankfully kept him out of Sasuke’s sight.

“Let’s convene again with Sakura and the Kazekage this evening,” Kakashi suggested, somehow managing to eat without revealing the face behind the mask. “We need to consider the next steps carefully.”

“Gaara can handle it,” Naruto said, almost unintelligibly through a humongous bite of rice. “Whatever he says, we can trust him with it.”

“Or we could handle it,” Sasuke put out there, seeing an opportunity to change the situation and going for it instantly. “Quietly and effectively. Just us. No Sand Village.”

Naruto choked in his excitement at such a notion, agreeing with Sasuke immediately. “I like that idea better!”

“Hn,” Sasuke voiced in agreement with Naruto, whom technically had just agreed with him, but Sasuke didn’t care, because he wasn’t past emphasizing his own statement at this point.

Kakashi tapped his chopsticks thoughtfully against the table. “The situation is delicate because Tanigakure is a mostly neutral country between two shinobi villages. We can’t just go in there and start fighting a multitude of ninja who don’t represent the country as a whole. Even discreetly, the battle ensued would potentially cause too much damage. Gaara’s presence alone in Tanigakure for a few days caused some strain. Needing this fight to happen elsewhere is imperative.”

Naruto’s face had scrunched up the longer that Kakashi spoke, and the blonde knucklehead let out a thoughtful “hmmm” as he nodded his head like he had actually understood any of that. Sasuke wanted to roll his eyes and sigh.

“The Shade refuses to speak,” Kakashi continued his remarks. “We need intel, or we will be going into this blind. The Kazekage has that intel and is in the works of acquiring more information. Trusting Gaara is our best option.”

Sasuke wanted to say more, to argue, to persuade if only it weren’t so unlike him to do so. The Sasuke everyone was expecting was the uncaring one. The one who couldn’t be too bothered with any of this at all because it didn’t directly involve The Uchiha or his mission to investigate the Otsusuki. And part of Sasuke told himself to get a grip and to reign in the worry and trust the others. Sasuke knew he was being unreasonable, knew that he needed to focus on his own mission and goals. That’s what Sakura wanted, too. But Sasuke didn’t know how to wash his hands clean of this anymore, to eradicate the presence of Sakura in his mind, the feel of her skin, the embraces, smiles, and promises between them. Sasuke didn’t want to and therein lied his problem.

Kakashi was giving him that knowing sidelong look that had Sasuke glaring back at him.

“First things first, then,” The Sixth Hokage stated as he made to stand. “Let’s go find Sakura and then we can meet up with Gaara this evening.” And as Kakashi stood, the sensei suddenly realized that his former students no longer occupied the table but were making a break for the entrance, leaving Kakashi with a table full of Naruto’s dishes and an expectant storeowner smiling at him with the bill.

Sasuke heard their sensei sigh, murmur something about how he was supposed to be saving for retirement, but then handing over a wad of change to the giddy and grateful older woman.

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When they located Sakura soon after in one of the medicine preparation rooms, she was bending over a mortar and pestle again, gloved hands moving deftly, and her hair pulled tightly behind her and Sasuke realized for the first time how long it had grown since they had left Konoha. The time had seemed to have passed them so quickly, and yet more than a couple months had transpired since he had returned home that day at dawn back in the Leaf. Her attire had changed overnight, and Sasuke instantly noticed that she no longer wore any of the clothes he had bought for her but had taken the liberty of finding something more fitting her previous style: red, short sleeved, and tantalizing short around the midriff. The very stomach he had ran his fingers across in the darkness of their shared room last night.

Sasuke pointedly looked away from her exposed skin as they advanced upon her position, and he decided to hang back against the entrance as Naruto and Kakashi greeted her enthusiastically. He settled into a comfortably uninterested position in typical Uchiha fashion against the wall and peeked over when Sakura elbowed Naruto’s arm when the blonde idiot shouted, “You’re making more puke pills?”

Sasuke felt a weight settle in his stomach as he made the connection that she was handling the ingredients required to make him more food pills for his mission. And from the trays set out before her, Sakura was making a lot of them. Even Kakashi glanced back Sasuke’s way as his former sensei realized Sakura’s purpose, as well.

Although somewhat touched by her effort, Sasuke feigned disinterest in the lot of them.

“Let’s have a taste!” Naruto exclaimed. “Surely, they aren’t as bad as they used to be!”

But before Naruto could touch one, Sakura pushed him away with her body. “Naruto! You need to stop that greedy habit of yours! They are made with Ashuwa, a plant that many people have severe allergic reactions to!”

Sasuke smirked silently to himself as Sakura chastised their gluttonous friend and Sasuke wanted to say something like, “Should have just let him eat it. That would teach him a lesson,” but Sasuke remained silent as Naruto shrieked at Sakura’s revelation.

The idiot jerked his entire body away from the food pills, eyes turning into round circles as he pointed at them, “Now you’re cooking can KILL people?!”

“Na-ru-tooo,” Sakura seethed in that drawn-out warning of his name she often used while considering to pommel their friend, and they all knew if she weren’t holding her gloved, Ashuwa-tainted hands up and away from everyone, Sakura would have hit him.

“They won’t kill you unless you are allergic,” Kakashi explained, motioning Naruto to take a few steps away. “How did you learn it was a common allergen?” he asked Sakura.

Her anger instantly forgotten, Sakura turned red from embarrassment and her eyes darted to the Uchiha. “After Mako told me about the plant, I tested it myself to assess the taste. I might have had a little reaction—”

Sasuke scoffed at the half-truth and spit out what she didn’t want to say. “It wasn’t little. Mako didn’t stop her from trying it, knowing how toxic it was. He was trying to kill her.” Feeling merciful, Sasuke left out the part about Sakura’s anaphylactic reaction, her face and mouth swelling up like a balloon that had left her bumbling through an explanation to a half-annoyed, half-concerned Sasuke.

Naruto instantly reddened after learning of Mako’s involvement, “THAT GUY!”

Kakashi didn’t give Naruto’s exclamation any attention, skipping over his statement immediately as he leaned curiously over the large array of food pills. “But Sasuke isn’t allergic, so these are the food pills you made for his mission? Are all of these for him, then?”

“Yes,” Sakura stated and she proceeded to relay the properties of the foodpills, their various side-effects and so on. Apparently, she had made modifications to these. They had less of a physical toll on the body and a greater number could be taken in a single dosage.  They all raised their brows and glanced at one another in silent admiration; Sasuke didn’t bother to hide the small smirk of pride spreading across his face at his female companion’s astounding ability to make advancement upon advancement on something she had only just created days ago. Where had she even found the time?

“It’s not foolproof yet,” Sakura disclaimed as she hoisted a large container of compacted food pills from the counter and took slow and careful steps to Sasuke.

They both froze when her fingers bumped against his during the transfer; they also both instantly looked away from one another as the small physical contact brought memories of the more intimate touches of last night. The first physical anything other than kissing that had transpired between them had progressed so quickly and now Sasuke was back-peddling, silently berating himself for the first time about his weak willpower. They had only ever exchanged a couple kisses, something that Sasuke thought would be manageable, safe, and just enough to take that edge off, satiate that desire that suddenly choked all his stoic sense out of him. And yet, things had heated so much last night that Sakura had felt compelled to mention it. Sasuke just hadn’t expected the cravings something like running his fingers along her bare back would evoke in him. Her touching him was wonderful, but when he had touched her in return, his hand starting with her shirt and finding her skin underneath… it was erotic. And typical for Sasuke, he had balked, realizing the trajectory of their course. Because the truth was, they needed clear heads. Just as he had told her. And Sasuke’s head had been anything but clear since Sakura had joined him on his mission.

“I still need you to test them,” Sakura stated quietly, and Sasuke’s attention snapped back to his pink-haired teammate, who was still avoiding his eyes shyly. “I can make adjustments from there.”

Sasuke didn’t know what to say or do other than nod silently as he withdrew a summoning scroll and performed the justsu that would seal the foodpills within it. “Naruto could go with you, now. Go train and test one out and come back before nightfall so I can modify the recipe if I need to.”

“Great idea!” Naruto exclaimed and he ran over to Sakura’s workstation and plucked a loose pill off the counter, gulping it greedily before saying, “They still taste like mudballs, Sakura.”

“You IDIOT!” Sakura gasped, storming over to him and checking his face. “You don’t even know if you’re allergic!!!”

“I can’t let Sasuke have an unfair advantage!” Naruto announced with that stupid face-breaking grin. “I’m fine! See? If Sasuke can handle the Ass-ingredient than so can I!”

All three of them rolled their eyes at Naruto’s sense of competitiveness against his lifelong rival—Sasuke would never admit that neither of them still couldn’t stand to be outdone by the other in any way—as he stomped out the door, yelling, “Come on, Sasuke! Time to kick your ass!”

Sakura sighed, turning once again to Sasuke. “If he has a reaction, teleport him back immediately.”

Sasuke nodded, then hesitated, glancing back between Sakura and Kakashi, whom had been leaning against the counter with an amused sort of expression. “What about the Kazekage—”

“Oh,” Sakura smiled innocently as Kakashi briefly explained their intentions of visiting with her and the Kazekage about the situation at hand. “He won’t be finished until later this evening. That’s when we are supposed to all meet up.”

Sasuke nodded, already being aware of this fact. When neither of his remaining members of Team 7 said anything more to detain him, Sasuke followed his blonde rival out the door, not being able to shake the suspicious feeling that he was purposefully being sent away.

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Sakura admired Kakashi for his perceptiveness because as her sensei leaned out the window to watch his two chakra pill-dosed disciples navigate through an intricate web of sand-constructed and adobe houses, he asked, “What are you planning?”

Sakura’s eyes widened when he found hers and she suddenly knew that she had been caught. Sakura sighed. “How did you guess?”

Kakashi moved away from the window to lean against the counter beside her as she finished working, whipping out his favorite scandalous Icha Icha book. “Your behavior is off. At first, I thought it was because of the evolution of your relationship with Sasuke, but…”

Sakura’s eyes grew even wider as his words registered in her mind, and she blushed furiously as she defended, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kakashi raised his hands, saying, “I won’t mention anything again. It’s between the both of you.”

Sakura turned her back to him to hide her face, not believing him for a second. He would stick his nose where it didn’t belong for the rest of their lives.

Kakashi continued, “However, I’ve known the both of you for a long time and I just want to say that I am happy for you. It looks good on you both…being in love.”

Sakura stilled her panicked faux-work movements at Kakashi’s words and turned back to face him. Even with half his face concealed by the black mask, Sakura saw the upturn of his lips and the crease of a smile beneath his exposed right-eye. She had never wanted to hug someone so tightly in her life because his words, his approval, meant so much to her. “Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes threatening to water and Kakashi nodded.

But the feeling of happiness eroded when Kakashi finished the rest of what he was trying to say before getting side-tracked. “Seeing all these food pills you’ve made in advance suggests to me that you’re not planning on being here to make more of them. Am I wrong to assume this?”

And Sakura sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she dropped her shoulders in silent defeat. “No,” she admitted. “You’re not wrong. I wanted to talk to you. As a leaf shinobi talks to their Hokage.”

Kakashi raised his eyebrow but waited for her to continue.

And she confessed to him her feelings about Gaara’s plans, Sasuke’s valid suggestion for a single-person mission to infiltrate the organization, her own plans to deal with the situation, along with the details of Mako’s information, and her carefully constructed counterplans. She told Kakashi everything she planned to do and exactly how she would do it.

Kakashi listened with a grim face, simultaneously intrigued, and sighing at each step of Sakura’s points of reasoning. When she finally finished, Kakashi stared down at his feet for a moment before lifting his eyes to her. “As your Sensei, I want to say no. To put the responsibility on Gaara as he suggested. It’s too dangerous to do this alone.”

Sakura nodded. She was aware of this, had prepared herself for this.

“The boys won’t hear of it,” Kakashi pointed out, “they’ll insist on joining you.”

“I don’t plan on telling them,” Sakura confessed. “I’ll leave immediately. When they learn of it, I’ll need you to convince them to stay behind. And persuade Gaara, too. Strategically, it is the safest route for everyone.”

Kakashi sighed. “I don’t foresee this part of your plan going well. Even the Kazekage won’t be pleased that you’ve gone against the plan. He feels responsible.”

“Do what you must. Play the Hokage card if you have to. Isn’t that your favorite?” she smiled teasingly.

Kakashi looked affronted at her statement and Sakura laughed good-naturedly despite the stressful topic.

“Do I have your official permission, then?” she asked.

“As your Hokage, I say go. Bring them to the light or bring them down, whichever of the two options prevents them from threatening your life again. Are you sure that you’re ready?”

“I was ready the very moment they laid their hands on Isao. It’s my turn to protect the ones I love, now.”

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Sasuke scowled deeply at Naruto who had just taken his third chakra pill before funneling Kurama’s chakra into his limbs and body once again. “Let’s go again!” he yelled across the sandfield at Sasuke, shaking sweat from his hair like Kiba’s white-furred mutt.  

Sasuke sighed, feeling thoroughly exhausted, not having entirely recovered from overexerting himself on chakra pills just days ago. As he watched Naruto take his third dose, Sasuke found himself wishing his blonde companion had been just slightly allergic to the Ashu—just enough where they had an excuse to go back—but of course, Naruto had no reaction; certainly would have saved him from having to walk into the desert and rile himself up with Naruto’s challenges.

There was a part of Sasuke that loved to challenge Naruto, to spar until his limbs were heavy, mottled with bruising, and he could lay on his back that night and feel released from his thoughts—just feel the soreness of his body and the satisfying memories of getting a few ones in on his bijuu friend. But today, Sasuke felt half-in the fight and often found himself tossing distracted glances back toward to the Sand Village.

“Enough Naruto. I think we’ve tested them enough. Let’s head back.”

Powering down, Naruto shouted, “You tired, Sasuke? You’re off your game today.”

And even though Sasuke told himself not to react to Naruto’s goading statement, he still found himself scoffing. “Unlike you loser, I haven’t just been sitting around doing nothing.”

Naruto pointed an annoyed finger in his direction. “Flirting with Sakura doesn’t count!”

Sasuke whipped his head in his friend’s direction and narrowed his deadly purple and red glare at the knucklehead, who was grinning and laughing at Sasuke’s reaction. “You should see your face!”

Sasuke scowled, half-tempted to shoot another fireball in the obnoxious jinchuriki’s direction, but he would need another chakra pill to do so, and Sasuke didn’t want to risk consuming three in a row, despite Sakura’s claim of reduced side-effects. He was completely spent. Anymore and Sasuke might really overdo it and he couldn’t risk being completely bedridden. Not with Sakura’s attackers out there somewhere still organizing a retaliation.

Sasuke struck with his words. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I’m NOT tired. Don’t you see the sun setting? We need to head back to meet with the Kazekage.”

Naruto turned to appraise the sun for the first time, and the vibrant red of the sunset cast a crimson glow on their skin and clothes, projecting lengthy shadows of their stooped, heavily-breathing figures on the ruby sand beneath them.

“Alright fine. Just to save your Uchiha pride.” Naruto exclaimed, rolling his purpling jaw and stiff shoulders. “I’ll definitely be stealing some of those pills for future use.”

Sasuke scoffed again and joined his friend as they trudged back through the red-tinted sand at a slower pace, the both of them trying to disguise limping. Naruto even stumbled once in the deep sand and instead of catching himself, he purposefully sprawled out onto his back and Sasuke came to stand over him.

“Don’t make me drag you back,” he hissed threateningly. But Naruto just raised his hand and said, “Five-minute break.”

Sasuke didn’t even argue, grateful for the rest, but he was also simultaneously anxious to be back. Unlike Naruto, he didn’t allow himself to sit. He was afraid he might not be able to get back up.

“You know,” Naruto wheezed between heavy breaths. “I may be oblivious the majority of the time, but not when it comes to you two. Things are different between you, aren’t they?”

Sasuke released a sigh into his hand, not because he was annoyed—although he was very much tempted to disguise it as annoyance—but because the weight of no one knowing and keeping it a secret from Naruto was no longer a burden; he had already guessed it. And so, Sasuke nodded with a confirmatory “hn.”

And then Naruto was grinning, larger than Sasuke had ever seen the knucklehead grin. There was even a tear that slid down the right side of his friend’s sand-dusted cheek as he gazed up into the darkening sky. Naruto covered his eyes to disguise the tears with the crook of his arm as he grinned and whispered, “Finally.”  

Sasuke’s first reaction was to insult him for the crying, but he was honestly genuinely affected by this ninja’s emotion, and Sasuke for once in his life wanted to confide in someone who knew Sasuke’s entire history, his past, his everything.

“I’m afraid.” Sasuke confessed. “How do you love someone without spending every waking second worrying about them?”

Naruto sat up at that, leaning on one elbow as his body rotated in Sasuke’s direction. “You’re still concerned that something will happen to her?”

Sasuke just nodded again, giving voice to one of his inner-most thoughts. “Yes. Because of me. Because of who I am.”

“Haven’t you already realized that Sakura is going to be a target because of who she is? Look at the current situation. She’s a medic ninja out there changing the world and one of the most capable shinobi we know. If you’re going to be with anyone, Sasuke, Sakura is the only one who can handle all that come with it.”

Sasuke found himself nodding because he had realized this recently. Everything Naruto just said, Sasuke had thought himself. He could now fully appreciate the fact that Sakura’s life would be threatened regardless of her association with him. But he needed to hear someone say it, the confirmation he was looking for from the universe that set his heart at ease.

“If anything,” Naruto began, standing and dusting the sand from his clothes. “Her association with all of us keeps her protected.”

Sasuke raised a brow in confusion, but Naruto continued. “She may be hunted for her connection to us: the Kazekage’s student, the jinchuriki’s friend, and the last surviving Uchiha’s…” he trailed off, and Sasuke narrowed his eyes dangerously, daring him to say the word. But Naruto chose to finish that sentence with,”partner” and Sasuke found that he and Sakura had even referred to one other as such, so the word felt appropriate.

“But,” Naruto continued, “her particular connections to us protect her, too. Who’s going to risk the wrath of us in order to get to her?”

“This damn anti-peace organization,” Sasuke answered, immediately finding a hole in Naruto’s explanation. He wanted to mention Kido, that madman who had tried to use Sakura to get his sharingan, but Sasuke decided against that one.

Naruto waved away that answer, stating, “Tanigakure was neutral in the war. If this organization truly originates there, they didn’t witness our abilities. There will always be instances that Sakura is targeted, but we will remind them every time who she is and who she belongs to.”

“If she doesn’t remind them herself, first.” Sasuke added.

“Exactly,” Naruto agreed, clapping Sasuke on the shoulder.

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Kakashi and Shikamaru were the only two waiting in the Kazekage’s office when Gaara and his two accompanying siblings entered. Kakashi and Shikamaru glanced between one another tensely, aware of the news they would soon share with the Kazekage.

Immediately after Sakura’s conversation and departure, Kakashi had found the lazy ninja strolling the streets carefree with Temari. Wrestling him away with the “official business” excuse, Shikamaru had sighed, “This early? I thought I had until this evening. What a drag.” Once Kakashi had confidentially reported Sakura’s plans for an independent mission, Shikamaru had initially argued with him about her decision, stating it was unnecessary for her to take the risk. That was, until Kakashi had told him everything. The plan. The details. Everything Sakura had confessed to Kakashi as a ninja would to their Kazekage.  

“I don’t like it,” Shikamaru sighed with his head in his hand, “but it might just work. We need to meet with her and discuss strategy—”

“She’s already left,” Kakashi interrupted and Shikamaru dropped his hands from his face in shock.

“Already?!”

“Leaving immediately was imperative,” Kakashi explained and by the look on Shikamaru’s face, he had already made the connection that it had to do with the other two members of Team 7. Kakashi continued with: “We can send her your advice by hawk.”

Shikamaru groaned, “Telling Naruto and Sasuke is going to be such a drag.”

That was definitely going to be a mountain that Kakashi was not looking forward to. But before facing that mountain, he had a bridge to cross, and that bridge was none other than telling the Kazekage he had made a decision as the Hokage despite the Kazekage’s careful planning.

As the Kazekage sat cordially behind his desk, ready to scheme and discuss tactics, Kakashi sat across from him, grateful that Gaara was usually a level-headed and understanding leader and was typically easy to work with. But just before Kakashi could blurt out Sakura’s plan, a blue-haired sand shinobi entered the room, pushing a rather drab-looking ninja medic whom Kakashi instantly recognized as the man responsible for betraying Sakura to a group of vigilantes. Kakashi raised a curious eyebrow at Mako’s sudden presence, and Kakashi assumed it had something to do with information garnished from his interrogation.

“The prisoner who keeps asking for you, Lord Kazekage,” the ninja stated respectfully as he pushed Mako to his knees on the floor before Gaara who seemed slightly annoyed with his unexpected appearance.

“Yes, thank you.” The Kazekage gestured for the shinobi to leave.

Mako strained his arms against a pair of sand shackles and Kakashi noticed for the first time that the former Sunagakure medic was trying to speak past a gag of sand as it rained from his mouth. Not only was he struggling to speak, but Mako was glancing around the room into each of their faces and Kakashi witnessed the medic’s eyes widen in alarm, a panicked look Kakashi had become very familiar with from his time as a shinobi: fear.

“Excuse the interruption,” Gaara pardoned and Shikamaru and Kakashi were both a little too eager in shaking their hands in dismissal, both of them more than happy for a delay in delivering their news.

“Make it quick,” Gaara said emotionlessly, snapping his fingers to disintegrate the manacles and gag from his mouth. “What is it you want?”

Mako choked on some of the remnants of grit on his tongue and he wiped furiously from his mouth. Finally, Mako began to breath evenly, blurting, “She—” he choked again. “You have to stop her.”

“Stop who?” The Kazekage interrogated, a furrowed brow of confusion passing across Gaara’s usual emotionless expressions.

Kakashi’s stomach dropped when Mako cried out, “Sakura! She left the prison this morning, asking for information. I got the impression that she was going to go looking for the enemy on her own! You can’t let her—”

Gaara silenced the noisy vomit of words spilling out of Mako’s mouth with a raised hand. He turned to Kakashi and raised an eyebrow. “Where is Sakura?” the sand-wielder questioned. “Why exactly is she not here right now?”

Kakashi rubbed his neck half-humoredly. “Well, about that,” he began and he heard Shikamaru sigh at his right. And so Kakashi found himself explaining the current situation, at which Gaara’s eye grew wide in surprise. Just as Sakura had explained to him, and Kakashi had relayed to Shikamaru, the Hokage now recounted a censored version of Sakura’s goals (he wasn’t naïve enough to reveal anything essential in Mako’s presence).

Even Temari and Kankuro exchanged worried glances between one another as Kakashi reported, and Gaara placed his fisted hand on his mouth to think.

“I had thought we were on the same page, her and I.” Gaara voiced. “If she goes into Tanigakure, discretion is a must. Are you sure she can handle this without our help?”

Kakashi nodded. “If anyone can do this, she can.” Kakashi was relieved to see him nod curtly before whispering an instruction silently to Kankuro, who dashed quickly from the room, sending a small hateful glare in Mako’s direction as he exited.

Mako took turns exasperatedly gaping between all of them. “You are all too confident.” Mako seethed. “I should have just kept my mouth shut. She hasn’t been on the battlefield since the war. She’s too inexperienced for the numbers, especially going alone.”

“Why are you working so hard to prevent her from going? Are you disappointed that her plan might not work?” Shikamaru drawled, the annoyed tone very much like his character. “She handled your team well enough.”

Mako laughed derisively. “Of course, her plan won’t work! She said she just wants to talk to them! You’re sending their target, a martyr in the name of mental health, into a nest designed for her death!”

“Then tell us what you know.” Gaara’s rasping voice sounded and Kakashi witnessed Mako tense at the legendary jinchuriki’s question. “You’ve chosen a second life here, correct? In exchange for your information, I’ll offer you protection as long as you reside here.”

Mako’s eyes widened at the offer and then he sighed; Kakashi saw the internal struggle still within his eyes as if the young man truly was trying to recall everything he could remember. “I’ll tell you what I told her,” the prisoner exhaled as he rubbed his sore blistered wrists. “I don’t know much. I didn’t get that far in, but I will tell you everything I do know.”

“Better make that quick,” Kakashi announced, walking to one of the windows across the room. The descending sunlight illuminated the sand ground in orange, striped by the shadows of all the buildings within the village, and two smaller shadows shuffled their way slowly towards the Kazekage’s tower.

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“You’re late,” Shikamaru drawled when Sasuke practically hauled Naruto’s limp body through the door of the Kazekage’s office. Stupid idiot had walked the entire way back, but the stairs, the stairs, had been too much for him. Sasuke practically dropped him on his back to the floor.

“Coming from you, Shikamaru?” Naruto laughed, pointing an accusing finger and upside-down jeer at the lazy Hokage’s assistant. “You and Kakashi Sensei are always late to everything.”

“It’s Lord Hokage, Naruto…” Kakashi corrected, covering his eyes with his hand, and Sasuke thought he looked like a parent who was embarrassed of his two humiliating children.

“You can blame Naruto,” Sasuke stated bluntly as he side-stepped Naruto, already feigning disinterest in the present company. That was until his narrowed eyes met an unlikely visitor that Sasuke would have rather never seen again. Mako sat with his hands bound and mouth gagged with what appeared to be whirring sand. His silent figure observed Sasuke, blatantly staring at him in forced silence, and Sasuke could have kicked in his teeth. Sasuke didn’t question Mako’s presence too much; Gaara probably had him brought from the cells to testify for insider information.

Moving along with a threatening glare in Mako’s direction, the Uchiha positioned himself casually against the wall the farthest away from everyone and instantly became aware that Sakura had not made it to the Kazekage’s office, yet. Sasuke mentally scolded his pink-haired teammate for her overachieving work ethic, and that kernel of uneasiness from earlier that came from Sakura’s absence was back again. Maybe he should go and retrieve her.

“Were the chakra pills effective?” Kakashi suddenly inquired, and Naruto enthusiastically answered as he sat upright once more, crossing his legs and arms simultaneously; the very same squat he often took as a genin.

“Yes! I took four in a row!” he praised. “Wish she could improve that terrible taste though,” he mumbled lowly to himself, taking a dramatic swipe at his tongue with the pad of his right thumb and then inspecting it for a residue. Sasuke wanted to roll his eyes.

As Naruto rambled on about the effects that he personally experienced from the new food pills, explaining that the results and consequences were as expected, but less serious, and how it took much longer to get there, Shikamaru laughed to himself and shook his head in disbelief. This laugh pricked Sasuke’s ears and his attention switched to Kakashi, and Sasuke witnessed the Hokage and Kazekage exchange a quiet look, the type of glance that was charged with a silent conversation. Sasuke then turned to find Mako’s heavy gaze on him, staring directly into his eyes as if he no longer feared them. The Uchiha narrowed his eyes at the man, trying his best to not let the behavior provoke him in this uncomfortable atmosphere. God, Sasuke was tired of this meeting already.

“Where is Sakura, by the way?” Naruto glanced around, the first to address her absence since they had arrived. It may have been the only time today Sasuke wasn’t annoyed at the blonde idiot.

Naruto’s question was interrupted and ignored when the puppet-wielding ninja appeared through the entrance, signaled Gaara with a nod, and the Kazekage announced, “All right then, let’s get started.”

Sasuke had rarely felt so skeptical in his life as he did now when the sand-wielder engulfed the room with sand, creating a soundproof barrier that Sasuke had witnessed him do several times. It hardened within seconds, encasing them all in one un-impenetrable room. Sasuke glanced at Naruto as his question was skipped over, and Sasuke noticed that the knucklehead, too, had a confused frown on his face. And Sasuke suddenly had a gut-wrenching feeling, because it was obvious that if Gaara was sealing the room already, it was because everyone who was expected to be there, already was. Which meant that Sakura wasn’t coming.

And Sasuke’s gaze suddenly locked on the sand-muffled Mako, whose eyes still bore into the Uchiha’s as if he had been trying to communicate with him all along—eyes that had been so cautious to meet the Sharingan and Rinnegan before, but now volunteered themselves for Sasuke’s inspection. And as it finally clicked in Sasuke’s brain, he called on his reduced supply of chakra and his eyes instantly morphed into the deadly purple and red.

Mako slumped forward as Sasuke plowed into the ninja’s memories, frantically searching for Sakura’s face, reversing time so quickly that he struck through Mako’s memories like electricity, faster than the streaks of lightning of his chidori. Finally, his charged consciousness of his lightning style chakra illuminated the memories containing her. Finally, Sasuke witnessed her sitting before Mako’s cell, eye-to-eye on the other side of the bars crafted from sand. Sasuke paused and played out her questions to Mako:

Where is the heart of your organization?

Are they based in Tanigakure?

How many members?

When Sasuke stumbled through the rest of their conversation, hearing Mako ask Sakura to take him with her to help her with her plan, and then experiencing Mako’s panic at realizing that Sakura planned to go alone, Sasuke felt the same fear again. That same fear he had felt many times in the past, and now found himself feeling again. Everything suddenly made dreadful sense: Gaara surrounding the room with sand—an action that Sasuke had misunderstood to be sound-proofing, the exchanged glances, and even Sakura asking he and Naruto to test the food pills so they would both be too physically drained to pursue her. Damn it. Sasuke felt like a fool; he felt betrayed, afraid, and so cross with everyone for their part in Salura’s self-sacrificing mission.

Too late, a veil of sand came before Mako’s eyes, the sand creating an impassable window to stop Sasuke’s genjutsu. But Sasuke had already learned what he needed to know and he withdrew from Mako’s head like a snake that had bitten him. Mako gasped from the shock of it and the entire room turned to watch the medic slump forward onto the ground, not having witnessed the silent exchange, but realizing something had just happened.

Gaara’s efforts to stop the genjutstu said a lot to Sasuke about how the Kazekage wanted to handle this confrontation: slowly, easily, and as emotionless as possible. But as Sasuke met the Kazekage’s eyes and Sasuke didn’t retract his emotional prowess, everyone in the room suddenly realized that Sasuke had discovered their closely guarded secret, and the Uchiha didn’t plan on calmly playing along with their plans.

“Naruto,” Sasuke drawled, his voice as low and heavy as the rumble that resounded when the ground shook on a war-torn battlefield. His next words had sharpened to accusatory ice. “Sakura’s not coming. She left Sunagakure on her own.”

Naruto shot up from the ground as if he hadn’t just crawled his way up the steps moments ago. “What?” he questioned the others, his gaze coming to rest on Kakashi who was putting a hand up already in an attempt to calm the Uzumaki.

“Why don’t you both sit down, so I can explain the situation to you—” their Sensei began, but his words only registered in Naruto’s head as a confirmation of Sasuke’s sudden declaration.

“WHAT?!” Naruto screeched, pointing a finger at all of them. “You let her go by herself? To do what? Fight? ALONE!?”

Sasuke’s immediate desire was to jump through space and time, directly through the portal of his choosing, bypassing everything altogether: the explanations, the defensive behavior, the justification of Sakura’s choices. But he was drained, just as Sakura had planned, damn her, and that only left Sasuke able to move to the door, instead. When he found the sand thickening around it, he turned and flashed his red and purple glare at Gaara.

“Even your sand will burn in the fires of Amaterasu,” Sasuke threatened dangerously. “You can’t hold me here.”

In the next moment, Kakashi had his hand on Sasuke’s shoulder and the Uchiha turned his glare back on him. “This is her plan, Sasuke. A covert operation with one person is discreet. She can handle this. Hear us out.”

Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath at the words that just came out of Kakashi’s mouth, the very words Sasuke had used to try and persuade Sakura to let him handle the situation himself. Sakura had listened, told Sasuke it was irrational, but had really gone and decided to take his idea and do it herself. His hand found his painful eyes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And they had agreed. Kakashi had agreed. Sasuke was so furious at himself for giving her the idea, but not as enraged at the Hokage for sending her.

“You think she can kill them?” he suddenly hissed in Kakashi’s face. “I watched her spare the life of that bastard who betrayed her,” Sasuke spat in Mako’s unconscious direction. “I’ve watched her spare the life of the monster who almost took the use of her arm away. There are countless others.”

“She killed one of them,” Shikamaru defended, “because it became necessary.” And Sasuke hated the strategist ninja once again, for his entitlement to a say. He didn’t know her. None of them knew Sakura the way that her own teammates did, including Sasuke, himself.

“She only killed the one who hurt that kid,” Sasuke retorted, cursing his own damn depleted state of chakra that was forcing him to sit and reason with these idiots. “None of the ones who touched her suffered any sort of consequence.”

“How many times?” Kakashi asked lowly, but loud enough for them all to hear. “How many times must she prove herself to you, Sasuke?”

Sasuke gritted his teeth in frustration, his blood pulsing in his head from the chakra-depletion induced headache forming there. The truth was, that this wasn’t an issue to him anymore. He believed in her abilities. He had witnessed them, himself. And as he had explained to Sakura as he had wrapped his arms around her in the moonlight of last night, his faith in her didn’t change the fact that Sasuke would worry. That Sasuke would go after her. Every. Single. Time. Why? Because he loved Sakura, and a man in love with someone didn’t need an excuse to make sure she never faced anything alone, not as Sasuke had for years. Sakura’s enemies were his enemies. Her battles, his battles. All wars, theirs.

“Tell us where she’s gone, Kakashi!” Naruto interrupted, derailing both Sasuke’s thoughts and their sensei’s attempt to convince him completely. “Sakura is our teammate. I don’t care what her plan is! We fight as a team!”

Sasuke saw it in their faces, the wavering. Naruto always had that effect on people when he spoke, altering their thinking and changing their minds, easily.

Kakashi remained on course, however. “You can’t follow her, Naruto. Everyone in the shinobi world knows who you are. They would recognize you instantly. Remember what I said earlier? Leaf shinobi can’t enter into Tanigakure without consequence. It’s neutral. You’ll be starting something—”

“And the world doesn’t know Sakura?!” Naruto shouted in disbelief. “She’s just as recognizable as any of us! Is just as important to the Leaf!”

“Sakura has many different strengths she can draw from,” Kakashi continued. “She doesn’t have to rely on a ninjutsu that could give her away. Not like your Rasengan, beast modes, sage art, and more. She has another plan.”

Naruto began to protest again, but Sasuke interjected. “Fine, Naruto can stay here.”

“WHAT?!” his friend screeched, rounding on him instantly, but Sasuke ignored him.

“The idea was mine originally,” Sasuke explained to Kakashi. “Sakura just stole it. I will go and I will be as discreet as I have for the last couple of years on Konoha’s behalf.”

Kakashi sighed. “Sasuke, you’re involvement is not a good idea. You have your own mission.”

And as Kakashi began to deny him once more, Sasuke felt a sense of dread and panic as more time was slipping away from him. Each minute that passed, took Sakura further away from them and toward those who wanted to kill her.

Desperation wasn’t like Sasuke and he had never resorted to begging before, always being able to rely on his strength and jutsu to carry him through life, taking what he wanted, doing as he pleased, and needing permission from few. But he was growing more and more irate and more and more frantic, and so he risked being vulnerable in front of all these ninja who had often judged him.

“If I have to watch someone who I love die, sacrificing themselves for the sake of the Leaf Village, again, the person who I am now won’t survive it. What’s left of the shinobi world will either fall to the Otsusuki race in my absence, or it will fall to the person I will become.”

He watched the fear flash across each of their faces as Sasuke’s words registered throughout the room. Sasuke had been too young to help his brother bear the weight of such terrible orders from his village, but Sasuke wouldn’t sit by and do nothing when Sakura was given such a mission.

“Is that a threat, Uchiha?” Gaara grumbled and Sasuke felt the very ground, the entire sand-constructed village, shift in response to the Kazekage’s wrath. Sasuke felt no fear. He didn’t fear such things anymore.

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered as his friend placed a supportive palm on his shoulder, but Sasuke shrugged it off and stepped up to Kakashi, so close that Sasuke could see the red and purple of his own gaze in Kakashi’s irises.

“That will be its fate if you keep me here and she dies, Kakashi. Don’t make the wrong choice.”

He saw it in Kakashi’s face. The realization that Sasuke was more dangerous to Konoha than any repercussions from Tanigakure, or any unnamed organization. Sasuke was also essential because he was the only one who could use the Rinnegan to get an edge on the Otsusuki race. He watched the risks shift in the Hokage’s mind as he weighed this new danger to the Leaf. And so Kakashi didn’t stop him. The sand rained down around him. They let him go.

.

.

.

Sasuke fisted the pink hair that had been cut and placed upon a note on the foot of his bed. He had almost missed it in the darkness, but the moon as always, caught Sakura’s hair in a way that nothing else could. The sight of her slashed hair, a pre-battle ritual of Sakura’s, instantly caught his eye and it panicked the Uchiha even more; he wished he would have returned to their shared room earlier in the day, because Sasuke would have realized what exactly Sakura had intended to do, and he could just have avoided the Kage meeting all together and gone straight after her.

He had returned now to make sure Sakura wasn’t there waiting for him. Sasuke knew better, but he had still hoped. All their conversations about partnership, communication and goodbyes, and all their small promises to one another these past couple of months had given him that hope. But it was all nothing, now. Empty words because none of it prevented her from leaving him. Sasuke Uchiha had been left behind. And for the first time, he realized just how lonely and horrendously painful it was to be left behind.

In the darkness, the hair fell from his hands onto the bed like Sasuke’s slashed headband had once descended from his forehead. He snatched the note from the bed and separated the two pages with the pad of his thumb. Sasuke activated his Sharingan in the dark and forced himself to read it slowly and carefully, instead of skipping over lines in his urgency.

Sasuke, it read.

Sasuke,

I am sorry. If you have found this letter, know that I write it because we promised one another a goodbye. This is my goodbye, for now. I thought a lot about your suggestion on how to handle this situation, and I decided to do this on my own, since I was going to be involved regardless. I have thought it through, put extensive research into how I will achieve my goal, and decided a solo mission was the best option after all. Forgive me for being a distraction to you and I hope that the time apart will give us ‘clear heads’ as you suggested last night. Focus on your mission and I will focus on mine. Keep Naruto from following. He can be impulsive, and I need to do this alone. If you don’t find this until later, and I do not return, know that I love you. You have always been worthy of that love, even the darkest version of you. Save the shinobi world and remember who you are.

She did not sign it. As soon as his eyes scanned the last line of pen scrawl, Sasuke was half-tempted to crumble it in his hand. But his eyes found the most important words on the page: I love you…you have always been worthy of that love…remember who you are. And Sasuke realized he needed this letter as much as he needed chakra or oxygen. Because if she died, Sasuke would have to stare at it every day for the rest of his lonely existence and let it be the tether that kept him from falling apart.

[nicistrying]

Sat 27th April

Well I made it to the weekend although yesterday at work was kind of rough just purely from an anxiety point of view

Got up early to walk Maggie, I needed to get outside. Was a beautiful morning but still v chilly

Matt's mam text him at 7.30am asking to meet us for a walk. I said please no, I've set myself a boundary that I just want one fucking quiet weekend. But they did need to drop his bday presents off. Turned out later that they couldn't meet us for a walk as they needed to help a friend get a tractor out of the mud, thank god, but they came round to 'drop the presents off' and they were here for over an hour. Interrograting about the wedding, wanting us to invite more of their family as a couple of people can't make it etc , bearing in mind I have already ordered place settings and am about to order the table plan so I don't want the guest list to change. Matt said we may invite my maid of honour's parents and his mam came back with 'well they're not really important are they' like excuse me they literally took me in when my mam kicked me out at 16. They took such good care of me when I was in a shitty place. Fuck you 'they're not important'. Now I want to invite them just out of spite.

So that pissed me off straight away. Then it was 'let's get these pies in your freezer, oh god your freezer is so disorganised, the whole thing needs sorted out' like ok i'm sorry I didn't have time to reorganise the fucking freezer on my cleaning spree before you arrived, trying to not give you anything about the house to complain about.

'When are you going to do the escape room with your brothers why are you so disorganised' we're fucking busy! In the next 2 months, we have 3 weekends free and that's before Matt takes his shifts at work for June.

Like please, make me feel even more shit! Please do that! I really need that right now! Just say one fucking nice thing, would that actually kill you?? I complimented his mam's hair and she just went 'meh I don't like it they cut it too short' Just say thank you! Jesus christ

I'm seriously losing patience with them. They seem so pissed that we actually spend time with my family occasionally, as if we should spend every spare second with them. Like no, there are two people in this relationship and we both have family to see. Our entire existence does not revolve around you

Had a nap when they left (it was 11am lmao) and we went for a walk in a park where we used to live and it was lovely and nostalgic. Pets' Corner was open so we went to see the animals - billy goats, pygmy goats, ducks, rabbits, guinea pigs, guinea fowl, lots of sweet little birds, and a beautiful peacock and peahen. This dude was looking particularly handsome today

We got ice creams, and had a lovely walk. I started getting mega anxious on the way back to the car thinking wtf am I going to do when we get home and Matt has to go work on his assignment.. turns out I'm sitting in my pyjamas feeling gross and irritable and sad. He wants us both to go walk Mags but I need to just sit here and decompress I think

[foxes-that-run]

2015 Haylor Timeline

Timeline Tag, or years […] 2014, [...], 2016, […] and 2024.

2 January - Harry arrives in LA 3 weeks before the rest of 1D, starts writing with Johan Carlsson (If I could fly). Neither Harry or Taylor seen on the 3rd or 4th On the 5th Harry was seen in an LA carpark.

6 January - Taylor posted clear blue water (Lyrics from This Love)  to instagram. Harry in Malibu and around LA. A year later Harry posted the rain on a window 6 January 2016 and on 7 January 2017 recorded the leak 'Lately'. This may have been their break up. Harry was pictured with a fan wearing the shirt from Band-Aid.

7 January - Harry pictured with fans at Cafe Habana for lunch and dinner. There are three recording studios within 10 minutes, (including Shangri-La) so he was likely working.

10 January - Reports Harry driving with Nadine Leopold. Tweets from 8 till late. He got Froyo. Both HS/TS Golden Globes parties

11 January - Harry tweets he had a "I Had a Good Morning :D Hard Work.... 'Yikes' !!". Kendall and Khloe post "Forget You "I see you driving 'round town/With the boy I love and I'm like/Forget you."

15 January - lily Aldridge's birthday, Harry posts serendipity, his watch is in a photo talking to Taylor, TMZ posts awkward footage of them in the lobby, they go for food in a group after and are friendly. (WOTW: Yesterday I went out to celebrate the birthday of a friend / But as we raised our glasses up to make a toast / I realised you were missing) Niall said they wrote Made in the AM in January and February.  Matty Healy said dating Taylor was all fake, it didn’t really happen. He also talked about Harry as “there’s no one I know less in the world than Harry styles” video interview

16 January - Harry tweets "Cake?"

17 January - Taylor shares photo of her kitchen with framed Temper Trap lyrics on her stove. Again they broke up before his birthday. :( Harry tweets that "This bucket hat might be the best purchase we've made in years." Cara and Kendall retweet that and the Cake? Rumour they bought a hat. H played golf the next day.

22 January - Harry went for yogurt, Nadine Leopold in his car

20-23 January Taylor goes to Hawaii with Haim sisters and her mum. She also posts that it’s been a year since she wrote I Know places and capitalized “and we RUN” Harry seen with Jeff

24 January - Harry tweets "Cake-gate"

1 February - Harry’s 21st birthday party, everyone is fabulous with Gigi, Kendall, Cara there Harry Styles turns 21 with the A-list No mention of Taylor or Lily Aldridge, although Harry had been at Lily’s birthday 2 weeks earlier. (Is this the birthday he made her cry in Hunger?) WITW written in Japan in February. Taylor posts video of giving Olivia treats. Xander also posted and photo box photo of Harry with Nadine Leopold

2 February - the next day KK, lily Aldridge and Taylor are in Nashville. (1 year would have been turning into 2 of that was written for his debut.)

4 February - Harry leaves LA for One Direction On the Road Again Tour 7 February – 31 October

7 February - for #1D2D take over of Teen Party on Spotify, Harry chooses riptide by Vance Joy as his 7th song.

8 February - Ariana performed Just a little piece of your heart in front of Taylor at the Grammys. Taylor’s iconic response of hanging out with friends and “going home to the cats” is at 0:23 - 0:39. 1D was Australia, (was he the intended audience for the cat’s comment?)

13 February - Style Music Video released. Inspiration for Two Ghosts

20 February - During Happily in Perth Liam asked Harry "Are you OK?" (1:01), it was song 7 for 8 shows, then never played again. Harry posted a photo of a crosswalk B&W stripes caption 'chains around my feet'. His feet have 'never gonna dance again' tattooed on them, George Michael lyric about being faithful

24 February - Taylor met Calvin. The shows in Australia were a bit flat. Earlier in the day Ed and Taylor are on Nick Grimshaw, Nick asks TS "Haim Holiday," 'he and his friends' were talking about why so many photos, then played Style.

25 February - Happily was replaced with Stockholm Syndrome as song 7 on the OTRA tour, (after a few shows as encore.)

27 February - Harry posted the overgrown “my winding wheel” instagram post.

3 March - Oscar Gorres became a father, he said So it Goes was written soon after. At that point "Taylor already had the lyrics". Calvin breaks up with his girlfriend 11 March Taylor walks backward to avoid papa

18 March - Zayn's last performance with One Direction in Hong Kong

20 March - KK/TS vogue photoshoot posted

25 March - Zayn leaving announced

27 March - Taylor at whole foods with Calvin in matching outfits

9 April - Taylor shared that Andrea’s cancer diagnosis.

12 April - Matty Healy says Harry and 1D stole his sound and refers to Change your ticket. 1D's reps say ''It seems a bit unfair to rant at Harry, especially if it's because of the song 'Change Your Ticket'. Harry had nothing to do with that song - that was all Niall and Zayn's work.'' (the whole band is credited, but H did seem to try to smooth it over by going to his concert with Taylor in December.

28 April - media that CH felt threatened and  asked Taylor to stop talking to Harry as they had been hooking up recently.

5 May - 12 December - 1989 world tour.  85 dates in 221 days, the majority of time Taylor dated Calvin. Blind KK was only allowed one hour to move out of TS apartment. TS had everything boxed and labeled with contents inventoried that the model had to sign for

8 May - Elle interview where she talked about texts and that true love is disappointing.

15 May - Taylor rock in rio set, plays wonderland for the first time (1 of 6 total plays) and has Ed out for Tenerife sea. It’s early in the tour and a festival, reviews were not great.

17 May - The train wreck 2015 BBMs showed Haylor was raw AF, his smile (at 0:24) when she arrived looked like it wasn’t over to Harry... until he started accepting awards (at 0:57) with CH & TS in the front row.

20 May - Taylors clean speech on Haylor anniversary included "maybe you lost a person you never thought you would lose, maybe you lost yourself. You know, I think that we all go through things like this. We all have questions about where we’re going or where we been or where we should have been at that time." Taylor played wonderland

22 May - Taylor played wonderland.

23 May - Taylor telegraph interview she says she’s single and references Perfect:  “But ask her what the tape looks like if you fast-forward five years and she seems less certain. ‘I’ll be 30,’ she gasps. ‘I’ll probably still be single, let’s be honest. No one’s going to sign up for this and everything that goes with it. Like, “Hi, nice to meet you, want a date? Do you love camera flashes? I hope you do!” I don’t know what’s going to happen if I’m ever content in a relationship – no idea how that’s going to work,’ she continues, still smiling. ‘I don’t even know if that’s possible with the life I have.” Harry in London. Fan posts a photo of Harry wearing the st Laurent coat with lipstick stain and says it’s their lipstick. They aren’t wearing lipstick.

26 May - Calvin at Vegas pool party and photographed leaving with a woman

4 June - Taylor walks backwards on hike in LA to avoid paparazzi. Harry in London with Grimmy. Ryan Seacrest interview.

6 June Taylor played wonderland. (Harry colour IG post on 3rd in LA. Blind Calvin cheating.

5 - 27 June OTRA Europe dates

11 June - Harry has 2 days off and fly's to NYC alone and is pictured with Xander and a model. Taylor posts photo on a swan with Calvin LA

12 June - "One Direction will stay together or but pursue solo careers" E weekly.

13-19 June Taylor tour break then London

13 June - in Brussels 18 and No Control added and One Thing removed from OTRA setlist.

19 June - 1D Oslo show, Harry called out school friend who stole his GF. 4 days off .

20 June - last time Wonderland played till rep, in Germany. Harry in London.

21 June - Taylor’s letter to Apple, Germany

22 June - Harry posts a color scrabble board to IG. Tweets “I have missed you” to Sweden 

23 June Taylor fly’s to Glasgow, introducing New Romantics she says it was written when her ex went to Japan. Harry in Sweden, 3 days off. Tweet s “Felt great to be back in Sweden. Thanks for coming.”

24 June Taylor Manchester then 3 days off. Clean speech mentions “treacherous”, hints at Slut and at this is me trying.  Harry with one direction at London nightclub, libertine

25 June - Harry London, looks tired leaving hotel in daytime. Taylor replies to a fan on Tumblr that Breathe in, Breathe out is her favorite song on Hillary Duff's album. She later uses a line from it in Getaway Car and uses the melody in Paper Rings.

26 June - Taylor out with Elle Goulding in London

27 June - Taylor London show w/Kendall, Gigi, Serena, KK, Martha, Cara. 1D in Helsinki.

28 June - Calvin arrives in London. Boat on Thames with Taylor, Karlie, Gigi, Joe, Andrea, and Scott. This clean speech

30 June - holy ground surprise song in Dublin. Clean speech “Those things that haunt them. Those things that scare them, or confuse them. Memories you wish you didn’t have. Memories you wish you could forget. “

4 July - CH at Taylors 4th July Party bikini photos. Ed invited Cherry ❤️.

4-7 July Harry photographed in Malibu with Xander 4th July breakfast, driving, dinner

9 July - Harry falls over on stage in San Diego, Ellen plays on TV. Xander and Jeff at show

26 July - Xander at Minnesota 1D show

4 August Harry and Xander leave Lottie’s birthday in NY

5 August - Xander st met life, Harry mimes lacrosse (Xander is a lacrosse player

18 August - Harry says "Taylor? Like Swift?" signing a hat

19 August Calvin twitter fight with Zayn, Calvin shades one direction and Louis gets involved.  media that Calvin is a “douchebag” citing that he cheated on his GF with Taylor, and racist and fat shaming tweets

24 August - One Direction announce a hiatus at start of 2016. Niall told Ryan Seacrest Made in the AM was finished in August (20 November).

25 August - Taylor mouths I love you to Calvin on stage at the end of her concert in LA

27 August - xanders birthday Harry posts cake

28 August - Harry posted a van gough in colour from the Chicago art institute. Xander Ritz also posted a photo of an empty gallery and liked Harry’s. Flew from Cleveland and back in day

29 August - Detroit 1D Harry backstage with Xander

31 August - Harry ate at this restaurant and they have the receipt pinned up 9 years later. It was at university in Philadelphia. Seen with Xander getting ice cream

1 September 1D show in Phili, Xander attended then Xander Harry and Jeff dinner NY

21 September - Harry posts a photo of a girl in a flooded room, very clean/falling coded

17 September - Xander, Jeff and Harry La dinner

26 September - 1D London O2 during “Don't Forget Where You Belong” Harry kissed the heart for the first time since Tayvin went public. (3:55)

28 September - Harry talks about anniversaries on stage (London). Taylors clean speech (st Louis) she talked about being heartbroken being vulnerable for love then "one day, whether it’s a year later, or 3 months later, [...] you wake up, and you look in the mirror, and you don’t see “heartbreak” written all over your face anymore.” 'You belong with me' surprise song. It had been 3 months since Harry's colour scrabble board and Sweden tweets.

29 September - Taylor buys Samuel Goldwyn’s estate in LA.

10 October - fan sign “I’m here for Xander ritz” Harry points at himself and says me too

13 October - Kendall and Cara seen dancing at a One Direction concert. Harry has breaks his foot playing football In the Zane interview he talked about the the Dublin show being a lesson and taped it for the rest of the shows. (22 mins). ABC News that Calvin might sue over tabloids saying he cheated, Taylor likes his tweet.

16 October - Perfect added to OTRA setlist, replacing Diana

28 October - 1975 Love Me video released where Matty Healy makes out with a Take me Home era Harry cut out. In the BTS he said "I just wanted to make a video that was about some kind of sexually confused rockstar type that who buys into his own nonsense really"

31 October - Final one direction concert in Sheffield. Xander and Jeff there

2 November - Jeff, his now wife Glenne and Xander attend MITS awards with Harry

10 November - Harry tweeted "I told her that I loved her, I'm not sure if she heard. :'( and End of the day Made in AM 1D lyric, which HS doesn’t have a writing credit I’m on.

12 November - One Direction in the BBC Live Lounge. Harry struggled in Story of My Life, he turned around twice and didn't finish the last line. He kissed his heart tattoo also.

13 November - One Direction releases Made in the AM. There is the last push of 1D promo when the band knew it was over. They are wrecked emotionally and exhausted, but watching them look over the precipice of 1D is fascinating, plus this adorable Olivia video.

31 October - Final one direction concert in Sheffield.

10 November - Harry tweeted "I told her that I loved her, I'm not sure if she heard. :'( and End of the day Made in AM 1D lyric, which HS doesn’t have a writing credit I’m on.

12 November - One Direction in the BBC Live Lounge. Harry struggled in Story of My Life, he turned around twice and didn't finish the last line. He kissed his heart tattoo also.

13 November - One Direction releases Made in the AM. There is the last push of 1D promo when the band knew it was over. They are wrecked emotionally and exhausted, but watching them look over the precipice of 1D is fascinating, plus this adorable Olivia video.

14 November - Taylor Vogue Australia cover, wearing infinity ring in the video. Foreshadows Rep with: "Then I’ll feel like I’ll need to give people a breather from me because at a certain point they’re going to get a little sick of hearing about me, so I’ll need to go away for a while then, depending on my gauge on how sick of me they are, I’ll decide when to put out the next album.” One direction London seasons for MITAM. Filmed for Apple Music where story of my life was, with James Corden. The video with James asking about perfect with 1989 song titles. Julian’s Bunetta joins them and Harry jokes the albums not finished because Olivia doesn’t have trumpets. Performance of Perfect where harry says “if you think it’s so funny you sing it” rather than the break up songs line of the bridge. 

15 November - Harry so quiet on x-Factor it's on the news. He barely spoke, they perform Perfect, looks sad and kicks his feet in the bridge

20 November, in the London secret session for made in the AM Harry avoided singing the “break up songs” line in the Perfect Bridge, rather than sing it he said to the crowd "if you think it's so funny you can sing it".

21 November - 1D Spotify ping pong Harry says his MITAM lyric is summertime and butterflies all belong to your creation. Really sweet video, Harry’s foot in moon boot. Also that H brushes his teeth before the stage.

22 November - Taylor is a no show at the AMAs but nominated for 6 awards, Lots of speculation. She was shooting OOTW in NZ. 1989 won best pop/rock album. One direction performed perfect and Harry looks upset, rolls his eyes and glared at Louis in the bridge.

27 November - One Direction play the Telehit Awards in Mexico and Harry tweets James Taylor (Begin Again) Mexico Lyrics "The sun's so hot I forgot to go home."  1D Press conference.

28 November - 1989 world tour filmed in Sydney, you are in love (28 times that tour). Rumour Harry with Kendall at golf club.

13 December - final 1D x-factor performance, 5 years from first signing. On her birthday Taylor's pre-recorded interview with Zane Lowe is released, she's made up with Apple.

29 December - Yachtgate starts, later a blind that Calvin sending nudes to other women

30 December  - Harry cover of 'things I can' with Eagle Tattoo seen

31 December - actual last 1D performance Dick Clark's Rockin New Years TV Special, their performance was pretaped. The Out of the Woods music video premiered on the same show.

Continue to 2016

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

A Moment's Surprise--Chapter 12

Whether it’s called an accident or the fates of the universe, you and Calum find yourselves taking on the next level of your relationship: parenthood.

Reader (Gender Neutral) X Calum. Multi-chapter Series.

Series Note: Across this series, pregnancy is discussed thoroughly. While I have made this series specifically a reader insert and have done my best to avoid coding for cis women, I am taking this moment to acknowledge that this content may not be suitable for every reader. I want to acknowledge even if I’ve been careful some things (like uteri) are still mentioned and if that causes you discomfort please DO NOT read this. You may keep scrolling (as there is a read more) / skip this series as necessary.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7| Chapter 8 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Epilogue

 

Your alarm goes off in the morning and you sigh as you push up from the mattress. Sleep was better than normal but you’ve taken to using the full on black out curtains for Calum since he’s gotten home. The lack of natural light to help rouse you awake gently makes it harder for you to get up. But over the weeks, it’s gotten slightly easier with time. Today’s one of those days that as you push up, you feel good about the day ahead. 

Moving the pillow that was between your knees back up to the head of the bed, you get your feet to the floor and pause. Calum’s at your side of the bed, leaning against the wall but his eyes aren’t focused on anything in particular. A scowl is on his face. “What happened?” you ask. A bit of panic leaks into your voice. You wonder if something happened to one of the guys. Did something happen to Mali? David wasn’t scheduled to come out for a while, but still things could change in an instance. Had something happened to the flight? 

Calum shakes his head. The action causes him to move his arm and you catch his phone lighting up. “It’s out.”

“What’s out?”

“Yesterday--someone recorded us while we were in Target and posted it. I made a tweet but I’ve been up half the night trying to talk to our social team. And as I was making those calls, I felt like a hypocrite.”

You push up finally to fully stand. You reach out with a little hesitation. Would Calum even want to be touched? You ultimately decide to drop your hand, seeing that he doesn’t move closer to you. You take it as a sign that you should possibly tread lightly.  “Why do you feel like a hypocrite?”

“I’m doing the same thing I got mad at you about. What if you don’t really care if people know? What if it’s all just me? But I can’t help but think the last thing I want to happen now is that you be out and get stopped by fans. Or God forbid, you’re delivering and there’s a fucking mob outside the birth center because somehow fans have figured it out.”

“So you like the idea of a birth center too?” you tease. As much as Calum was willing to listen to your concerns, he harped on about safety measures. Birth centers were only the recent debate surrounding his safety kick. 

Calum’s gaze finally drops from the ceiling to you with a tiny smile lifting at his lips. “I might’ve been convinced in all my late night pacing.”

“Want some coffee for this conversation?” you ask, offering your elbow out. 

Calum goes for your hand instead and nods.  Now with less distance between the two of you, you catch the faint note of nicotine from Calum. “It’ll be my second cup and today seems like the day I’ll need it.”

For all that it matters, Calum had done well with his smoking until now. Ashton kept tabs on him and sent you updates periodically. Though, neither one of you made it super obvious that you were paying attention.  Now, undoubtedly the stress he’s surmounted and feels like he’s facing, you keep a close lip around the scent. The two of you pad softly to the kitchen. Joy’s taken to getting up either when you do a little before and as you two round the corner to the kitchen, you spot the light on. 

“Who’s been in my kitchen?” she asks aloud. 

“Me, Mum. And technically, it’s my kitchen,” Calum quips. He gives her a kiss on her cheek. 

“You look like hell, son.”

“I feel like hell.”

Joy turns and spots you. Her eyes ask if you know. You give a so-so or somewhat gesture with your hand and she turns back to Calum. “Should I refresh this pot then?” she offers. 

“Great minds think alike,” Calum grins, already getting fresh grounds into the machine. 

The kitchen falls silent around the work of Calum. But like he knows that everyone is watching him, he drops his hands to the counter to support his weight. “What do you think, babe?” He looks up and over to you.

“About?���

His brows furrow. “I didn’t show you anything, did I? I’m sorry. I’ve been a mess since last night,” he confesses. 

“It’s okay to be a mess sometimes.” 

You stand on the opposite side of the bar height counter top. So Calum steps closer and extends his phone out to you. You take it, going to unlock it. Maybe it matters less about you and more about what Calum feels comfortable doing. You had told coworkers and some other friends. People close enough to you already knew. Had it really mattered if the thousands and millions of other people knew too? You were now closing in on your third trimester. Things were looking good for you and baby boy Hood. A stark change to your perspective from before you know. But maybe the cosmos had a way of operating that was just beyond your understanding. Or maybe even if your mind has changed the distinct stress on Calum’s face takes precedent.

“What do you want?” you ask Calum. 

“What do you want?” he counters. 

“I want you to feel like we’re safe and that you’re in a place where you feel comfortable with what’s public and what isn’t.” 

Calum nods but not without comment. “And I want you to feel like you have a say.”

Of course, he did. You unlock his phone only to stare at the cluttered Home Screen. While Calum wasn’t disorganized, his strategies were much different than yours. You don’t mess with any of the text messages. “Where should I go?”

“Twitter,” Calum answers. 

You load the app--the mentions are a cluttered mess and you can see why he’s got literally every notification setting turned off for any social media app. You go to his profile first and read through the tweet he made. In the early parts of your pregnancy it was important to you to keep this quiet. Things were in a state where they could rapidly shift from good to bad and from bad to good, or bad to worse. There was no reason why you’d want to have to put that sort of information out into the world when it was constantly in flux and already stressful on its own. In addition, you know Calum. You can take one look at him and understand the words that don’t always fall from his lips. It’s not so much a secret language as it’s finally cracking the code on Calum’s language and him cracking the code on your language. 

You two have become proficient and fluent in the languages of each other. “What has your social team said?” you ask. 

“They’ll try to contact the person who originally posted the video and ask them to remove it. But it’s being reposted all over. So there’s no real way to stop it now. I’m waiting for an update now.”

“And am I correct to assume I shouldn’t go look at the video or what people are saying?”

Calum nods. He read only a few comments. Some were shocked by the news and happy. Others were much meaner in their remarks. “None of it changes how I feel about you or our baby. Nor does any of it have any bearing in our relationship.”

“Well, I always knew that,” you laugh. You set his phone down on the counter just as the coffee pot settles. Joy steps in to divvy out the cups and mugs. 

Calum’s mug billows with steam from beneath him. You take the mug Joy extends out to you with a quick thanks and let the warmth seep into your palms for just a moment before you set it down. You notice your mug is filled with decaf tea as an alternative and you’re not even sure when Joy got the kettle going for it to steep. But you appreciate her careful eye. 

“I think privacy is important. And I don’t fault you for taking steps to make it clear that this pregnancy is a private matter,” you return. “Who knows? Maybe people will start deleting what they’ve shared now that you’ve tweeted about it.”

“I can only hope,” Calum returns.  The two of you share a nod--an agreement that whatever steps Calum has taken are okay to continue down--and then both take a sip from your respective mugs. “I’ll give up alcohol for you, but never caffeine,” Calum jokes after his sip. 

“And I would never want you to.” 

“I’ll fix all of us breakfast and that way you can get ready, love,” Calum offers. 

You nod and Joy’s silent from the corner of the kitchen. As the two of you lock eyes, she gives you a tiny nod. She’ll keep an eye out on him while you’re gone. “Me and Duke will post up in the living room I guess. Lots of cuddles needed to be had,” Joy laughs. 

By the time you’re dressed and ready for work, but not forgetting to enjoy the breakfast that Calum prepared, you’re ahead of your normal schedule. You consider it a sign. You’ll leave work earlier too because of it. Calum walks you to the car. He gets your bag into the passenger side, but you can tell by his face that there is so much more on his mind. “I’m worried about you and if something happens at work,” Calum confesses, looking down at the car door. “I can feel you staring at me and I figure rather than making you ask, I’ll just tell you.”

“I’m going to be okay. We’ve got security at work. If it looks really bad, I can call them,” you offer. 

“I know. I also reached out to one of our security guards. If anything goes wrong, or seems bad, you let me know. We have a guy ten minutes from your job.”

“Please tell me he happens to live close to my job and not that you have him posted up near it.”

Calum chuckles. “He lives out there.”

“Poor man did not ask to deal with this.”

“But I’m just glad he’s happy to help,” Calum states softly. “Be safe today.”

It sounds like a plea to you, to the universe, to any and every force. You nod in return. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

The rest of your day is uneventful. When you get to the office, it’s just you and the custodians for a moment. A few more people filter in in the early morning and then as the day progresses the office fills out more and more. In your morning break, refreshing your water bottle, Sharon, one of your co-workers steps up to you. “Hey, you doing okay?” she asks. 

You nod. “Yeah, doing good on my end. How’s your sister and niece?”

“They’re doing well. My niece is dreading the end of summer, but ain’t it how it always goes,” Sharon laughs. 

“The summer breaks really aren’t that long.”

“Speaking of my niece,” Sharon drops her volume just a little, “I heard about a video on Twitter. What is-how are you actually doing?”

Part of you is curious just how much Sharo knows or what she say, but you know if you go doing you’ll find more than what you’re looking for. “We know. His team is on it, I think. Mostly just trying to lay low,” you return with a nod. 

She hums. “Yeah, I get that. I was shocked that she even remembered you from the holiday party--my niece. She just happened upon it and then sent it to me asking if that was you. I didn’t respond, but I was shocked considering how long it’d been.”

“Seems to be a hazard of the job for him,” you return. “Hoping it blows over really.”

“Understandable, really. If you need anything, let me know.”

There’s something in the way that Sharon’s got you almost pinned to the wall that makes you wonder if the conversation is as friendly as it was supposed to appear. You only nod in response and then slip away back to your desk. You don’t want the circumstances to cloud your judgment, but you also can’t be blind to them. Besides, better to err on the side of caution than to be caught in a bigger mess. When you’re done for the day and go out to the parking garage, you keep your phone pulled up on Calum’s number. You’d rather wait an extra ten or so minutes hiding out in the lobby bathroom of the building than get cornered again. 

But there’s nothing but the bright morning sun. There’s nothing besides the clack of people walking past and the chatter of their voices. The drive back home you take in silence. Not even the radio plays faintly. It’s just you and the rush of the wind in through your windows as you carry yourself through the streets. As you turn up into your neighborhood, you realize just how tense your shoulders are, how much you’ve been pulled up close to the steering wheel. 

Calum’s waiting for you on the front steps as you pull into the driveway. Behind him you spot Ashton peeking his head out of the door with a wave. You wave up at him and he ducks back inside. Calum grins as he approaches the driver side door. “You survived.”

“Thankfully,” you laugh in return. “Is it just Ashton?”

Calum nods. “Michael was by earlier and Luke said he’d be by after dinner. I think they’re taking shifts.”

“You’ve been that much of a nervous wreck?”

“I care deeply about you and Pumpkin. Fucking sue me,” he returns, helping you out of the car. 

“Be careful what you wish for.”

Tagging: @rosie-posie08 @markaylafruitcup @sunflowercalum @wonderlandiswhereitsatyo @carma-fanficaddict @fandomfoodiedancer @icelily13 @one-sweet-gubler @busstop @wiiildflowerrr

[night-market-if]

Paper Lanterns Part 27

Paper Lanterns is a community based IF game here on Tumblr.  I need something to fuel the creative fires while I chip away at The Night Market demo, and I want to give you all a little something in the meantime.  Here’s how it will work.

I will post a snipped under the cut every few days.  At the end of the post will be three options.  Comment below or send me an ask if you would rather be anonymous, over which route you would like to see.  I will tally them up and write the majority option and post it in the following days. From there, we repeat the process until we, as a community, have crafted our story.

Please reblog and share this with others.  The more people we have participating, the more fun I think this can be for us.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 under the cut

Winner by a very narrow margin: Sit with Hazel and Milo and figure out what to do together.

The smell of bacon is what woke you.  It sizzled loudly throughout the apartment, mingling with the thick scent of kafe.  Opening your eyes, you blink at the early morning light, pouring through the windows. Your body was pleasantly sore, both from the stab wound, and from Malcolm waking you in the middle of the night for round two.  The two of you rocked together beneath soft sheets, fingers tangling in each other's hair as you whispered softly in the dark.  Your eyes were now crusty with sleep. Your head a bit muzzy with the exhaustion of the last day.  But you felt sated. Numb.  In this small little bubble, you could hear both Malcolm and Hazel in the kitchen, the siblings laughing over something in the early dawn.  The world, for once in a long time, felt right.

Easing yourself out of bed, you grab at your clothes, freshly laundered and mended. Hazel’s doing, no doubt.  You slip them on before heading into the small kitchenette.  Hazel sat on the counter, kicking her heels at the cabinets beneath her, while Malcolm poured a large mug of kafe.  The bacon sat cooling by their side.

“You’re up!” Hazel looks at you, her eyes bright.

Malcolm turns to you then, and with kafe in hand, he comes to your side, slinging an arm around your shoulder and pulling you in for a morning kiss. You startle a little and the display of affection, but feel your shoulders ease as Hazel claps and cheers beside you.  Grinning, you rest your hands on Malcolm’s hips, leaning against him fully.

“Good morning,” he murmurs. His voice is rough with sleep.

“Morning.”

“Yay!” Hazel claps loudly.

The three of you settle at the kitchenette, piles of food placed before you like normal.  Malcolm makes sure to keep close to you, both your hips pressed together, his hand ghosting over the wound on your side as if to ease any of the discomfort.

“Sorry about last night,” you tell Hazel, keeping your eyes downcast. You wondered if she even bothered to come home from the market, or if she had crashed at the apothecary.

“Look, my statement still stands from years ago.  I love you both. I am happy you are both together. And I will gladly clear out whenever needed,” she grins.  You can feel the heat of embarrassment coat the sides of your neck and up towards your cheek. When her soft hand lands over yours, you look up at her.  “I told you,” she whispers. “I told you that your story wasn’t over.”

You snort a little in laughter.  She had. One night when you had shown up, drunk and upset, crying because it ached without Malcolm there. She had held you close and told you that your tale was not done. That she couldn’t believe that. And that you had to believe her because she had the sight. In your drunk state, you most assuredly believed that Hazel was a soothsayer and could see your future laid out in pretty strands of gold. The next morning, when you remembered that was never a part of her magic, you had still tucked it away. A small kernel of hope that you held dear.

“Now,” she said, leaning back in her chair. “What are we going to do about the Baron?” Time was up. The next key was supposed to have been delivered.  You had a feeling that the second you walked out Malcolm’s door, eyes would be on you, reporting back to her.

Taking a sip of the kafe, you lean back. Malcolm’s arm rests across your shoulders.  “We aren’t doing anything,” you say. “This is my fuck up.”

Hazel looked towards her brother. “It’s cute, really. How they think we’re just going to let them walk to their death.”

“Button always has been adorable like that. It’s the cheeks. So rosy. So full of misguided youth.”

“Fuck both of you,” you say.

“Hazel and I have already talked about it. We’ll be dealing with this with you.”  Grabbing a piece of bacon, Malcolm pops it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully.

“No.”

“It’s not up for discussion,” Hazel says primly.

“It is. Because this is my problem,” you protest. “Not yours. And neither of you are getting hurt because of it.”

“Says the person who was recently stabbed in the side,” Malcolm pointed out. “Do you know who hasn’t been stabbed in the side recently? Me. And Hazel. Funny how that works.”

“I can do it,” you say stubbornly.

“Maybe if you were up to full speed,” Hazel says gently.  While Malcolm simply responds. “No, you can’t.”

“Look,” Malcolm sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Button, this isn’t up for negotiation. Besides, this entire ordeal, I am almost certain, isn’t about you.”

“Doesn’t mean she isn't going to make me pay for not getting the damn key.”  Your life, your safety, was up for debate. It was fine. But Hazel and Malcolm were not something you were willing to risk. They were the only family you had.

Malcolm sighed. “How did you get this job?”

You blink at him.  “What?”

“The job. For the Baron. How did you get it?”

“I was summoned.” You had received the letter in the mail. An invitation, if you will. One that had summoned you to the Baron of the Mists.  It didn’t matter who you were within the Night Market, you never ignored a summons from the Baron’s.  It was punishable by a trip to the flesh pits if the summons was not responded to within two days. So, you had gotten dressed that morning, stopped off at Neve’s for some liquid courage, and then had gone to the cathedral. 

“You were summoned,” Malcolm repeated. “Why you?”

“Because I’m good at what I do?”

“Not that good,” he said.  You were about to protest, but the thing was, you had thought the same thing.  You could think of at least four other people that were better for the job. Ones that were more proficient in stealth.  Ones who knew the market and its secrets. You, were a thief.  A back alley one at that.  While you could do this job, you could not do it better than the others.

Hazel, across from the table, looked at Malcolm with a soft frown. “Malcolm, do you know something?”

Malcolm's eyes didn’t leave yours.  “The Baron summoned you.  Has set you on an impossible timeline to find keys for doors that are secrets within the Night Market.  You were put on an impossible task.  Why?”

You shook your head. “I- I don’t know.  I just… look. What does any of this matter? I still fucked up. I’m still in this situation.  And you two are going to be the ones who get hurt in this situation, so I have to figure something out to appease her. Maybe you two should just lie low? Maybe I can go get the key and bring it to her to kind of soften the blow. Maybe I…”

Malcolm’s hand came down on yours, stopping your rant.  “You’re not doing this on your own.”

“Oh really? And what exactly is your plan here, Malcolm? What can you possibly do about it to–”

Hazel gasped.  It stops you mid-sentence as you turn to look at her. Her eyes were wide, her hands cupped over her mouth as she stared at her brother. Malcolm slumped back in his seat, eyes cast to the side.

“That job,” she said. “The one you took a year ago. The one for the Gatekeeper. It’s not a job, is it, Malcolm. It’s a role.  You’re…?”

His dark eyes lifted towards hers. “Yeah.  I’m the Gatekeeper.”

Voting closed: Part 28 here

“Wait. What?” Respond with confusion but ultimately understanding

“Excuse me?” Respond in anger. How could he have kept this from you

“You’re not going near her then. She wants you dead.” Respond in fear and practicality

If you haven't seen, Chapter Two of the Night Market is now out! It is linked below if you're interested. Reblogs and feedback are also love! Also, there is a Paper Lanterns discord now. Click the link below to join.

Patreon || Ko-fi || Demo || Discord

[wordplayfics]

1D Wordplay Fic Challenge - 2022 Edition

About the 1D Wordplay Fic Challenge

The Wordplay Fic Challenge is a challenge that runs for five weeks. Every week there is a single randomly generated word that acts as the prompt for that week's fics. Those who would like to participate in the challenge then have to do their best to write a fic based on that word in a week's time before then getting the prompt for the following week.

This is meant to be a low-stakes and fun challenge to get your creative juices flowing and help get those words out quickly in a way that is different from other similar challenges that attempt to do the same thing (such as NaNoWriMo) by allowing you to create five shorter works instead of one larger project. It is also a fun way to see how everyone interprets the prompts differently giving us a group of incredibly diverse fics all written for the same prompt.

Details

As stated above, the 1D Wordplay Fic Challenge lasts for five weeks. The words used as the prompts are assigned via a random word generator and posted to the @wordplayfics blog weekly. Everyone choosing to participate that week will have one week to write a fic inspired by that word. This year, the Prompts will be given on Wednesday mornings (Eastern Time) with the fics for that prompt posting the following Wednesday. Each Wednesday morning (August 17, August 24, August 31, September 7, and September 14), the new prompt will be assigned and that week’s fics will post a few of hours later. Authors can begin their work on the next week's fics as soon as the prompt is posted and they are ready to do so.

Those interested in participating are not required to take part in all five weeks. It is preferred that all who sign-up have the intent of participating in at least three weeks, but all five would be wonderful. Life happens and creativity doesn't always come about when you would like it to, which is fine. This is meant to be fun and as relaxed as a challenge involving this kind of fast turn around can be.

Rules

All participants must be 18 or older. Please respect this rule.

There are no word count limits or other rules regarding content, though all fics must include a member of One Direction as a main character. 

The only requirements for the fics themselves are:

They are written within a week’s time and posted to the appropriate collection before that week's fics are revealed

The assigned word prompt is clearly used as inspiration for the fic  

Tentative Schedule (Dates are subject to change):

Sign-ups open: July 27, 2022 Sign-ups close: August 16, 2022 First Prompt Posted: August 17, 2022 First Round’s Fics Posted: August 24, 2022

Posting Details

Below is all of the information regarding the details for posting your fics to the collection(s) and what information I am asking you include in AO3 when you post. I will update this post every week as I get the new collection set up for each prompt, but there will also be a link to the collection in the bio of the blog where the prompts are listed for each week, so that will likely be the easiest way to find it. 

The Basics:

Add your fic to the appropriate collection (details below) by 1 pm EDT on the respective Wednesday

Please make a fic post for your fics and tag @wordplayfics  

There will be a masterpost updated weekly with links to the newly published collection

Each week's collections will be able to be found here: Week 1: Scramble Week 2: Particular Week 3: Swing Week 4: Describe Week 5: Check - Posting 21 September

Please be sure your fic is in the collection before 1pm EDT each Wednesday. 

There will be a countdown linked in each post with that week’s prompt because timezones can be hard. If your fic is not already in the collection when I go to publish the fics, then they won’t be approved to be in the collection. You may still post your fic and link it to the challenge–I will even reblog your fic post to the challenge page–but the point of this challenge is to write a fic in a week’s time. I don’t want to give any one person more or less time than anyone else, thus the deadline of 1 pm and not allowing late fics into the collection. If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know!

Also remember: you aren’t required to participate every week, but please do your best to participate in at least three of the five weeks this challenge is active.

Once fics are posted, it is recommended you make a fic post. Be sure to tag @wordplayfics in the fic post so it can be reblogged here. (I also recommend you link to your fic post at the end of your fic in AO3. If you don’t know how to do this, please reach out and I will be happy to help you.)

It would be preferred if the fic posts are scheduled to post within an hour of the fics going live so they don't have to be searched for every week and it also helps lower the possibility of fic posts falling between the cracks and getting missed.

Questions? Concerns? Please let me know and I’ll get back with you as soon as I can.

If you’d like to see what resulted from the Wordplay Fic Challenge in previous years, you can find all the fics in the Wordplay collection on AO3 as well as a breakdown of the weekly prompts and the resulting fics in the Wordplay Masterpost.

[polizwrites]

PoliZ’s WIP Update - 29 Nov 2023

Still catching up on Real Life stuff - so a somewhat slower week for writing.  I touched  5  fics (4 new works & 1 WIP)  for a total of  1997 words.

On Ao3, I posted: 

Chapter Six  of My Love is Vengeance  - the ongoing saga of young!Tony/ bodyguard!Winter Soldier  (now recovering!Bucky) as they deal with being kidnapped by Hydra.

 I’ll Wait Up For You, Dear  - established No Powers Sugar Daddy/Baby AU Stucky  ficlet with a bit of flirty holiday fluff.    

I have 19 semi-active WIPs  😬 with my  current  deadlines being  the WinterIron Bingo which wraps on 16 Dec and Stucky’Verse Bingo which wraps on 22 Dec.  

See  below cut for what I’m working on/planning to work on - arranged more or less by bingos/challenges/etc.  As always, feel free to send me   prompts or plot bunnies as well as asks regarding  any of these projects  or any other WIPs I’ve got out there.   Interaction really helps feed the Muse and keep me motivated!

WinterIron Bingo  - [WIB_R1]   (Ends 16 Dec 2023)

I have twenty-two  fills completed for this brand-new bingo event that I’m helping mod! 

* B column squares for the Iron Soldier badge (complete a bingo with a single work). – Alpha Tony Stark, “That was not my intention.”, James Rhodes, Alpine loves Tony and Blind date.   Got a start on this with a No Powers AU  where Sam and Rhodey are setting rich!Alpha Tony up with beta!vet!Bucky. I’m 386 words in with a target of around 800 total. 

* N3 - FREE - filling this with  Somewhere To Turn - a WinterIron No Powers AU with mall security!Bucky and  young!runaway!Tony. It’s crossing over with my BBB Cold square -  I’ve tweaked it a bit since posting on Tumblr (coming in at 881 words) and it will go up on Ao3 on Friday.   

* N4 - Unreliable Narrator - filling this with Cutting the Strings, where Tony is perhaps misreading Steve’s attitude towards recovering!Bucky.  It came in at 740 words on Tumblr and will post to Ao3 before the end of the event.    

* N5 - Mutual pining - squished this a bit to fit into Chapter Six  of My Love is Vengeance  - the ongoing saga of young!Tony/ bodyguard!Winter Soldier  (now recovering!Bucky) as they deal with being kidnapped by Hydra.   The chapter came in at 1305 words, and Chapter Seven is started at  426 words. 

* O5 - Gentle – use this poem as inspiration?

Stucky’Verse Bingo Round 1 - [SVB_R1]   (Ends 22 Dec)

Thirteen  fills, three  WIPs and a couple of ideas.  Have one bingo & am shooting for hopefully one more.   

* A1 - Harem - crossover with CABB Secret/Forbidden Relationship - Bucky and shrimpy!Steve are both concubines who love each other more than their lord. I poked at this a little for 71 words.

* A4 - Fairy Tale Curse  - this seems custom-made for a continuation of Beyond the Beast😁  Nothing written yet, other than some Vague Ideas.  

* B4 - Sugar Daddy -  Posted   I’ll Wait Up For You, Dear  - this morning - it’s a No Powers  Sugar Daddy/Baby  AU with Wealthy!Bucky/shrimpy!Bucky flirty holiday fluff.  It crosses over with  my  CABB Nov Adoptable: Sugar Baby square and came in at 385 words.  

* C3 - FREE -  probably using this for Chapter 2 of   Half of the Flesh and Blood That Makes Me Whole   - a Bucky POV remix of at least the first part of Take What Was Wrong (And Make it Right), which is currently sitting at  52 words.  I’m expecting at least one more chapter, possibly two, depending on how far I want to take the remix.   

Bucky Barnes Bingo  - [BBB_R5]   (Ends 10 Jan 2024)

I’ve got  sixteen fills,  four WIPs,   and a couple more Vague ideas.

* B5 - Cold  - see WIB  FREE square

* U3 - Fireplace -  Working on a 1980′s No Powers WinterIron fic set at a ski lodge where Tony’s being wooed by poetry and love letters that Bucky wrote to someone else.   Started poking at this as a crossover with a Love Letters prompt and it’s sitting at 129 words.

* C2 - Yelena Belova–   The plan is to use this prompt in the next chapter of Peresmešnik,  (aka Three Avengers and a Baby), which is currently sitting at 1303 words (600-ish of which are mine).

* C5 - Marriage of Convenience/Pretend Couple -  next chapter of   Lady Natasha’s Consort and Lord Steve’s Companion.    Got a spark of an idea the other day that might get me a bit further on this fic.  

* K3 - Magic -  Aro!Bucky healing with a kiss idea?

* K4 - Accidental villany  - the October BBB Discord party resulted in a ridiculous Mob AU communal story  (mobster!Bucky & clueless!Steve plus Clint &Natasha& Scott shenanigans)   that several of us did/are going to contribute to Rashomon-style.  I got started on  It All Depends Upon Your Appetite this morning - it will cross over with my BaBB Crackfic square and once I throw a few more words at  it,  will get posted to at least  Tumblr by tomorrow.   

* Y3 - Alpine  - see WIB Iron Soldier combo.

* Y4 - Forgotten Things -   using this for Chapter 4 of   You Can’t Stop It With a Gun  - it’s sitting at  116 words at the moment.

* May Adopted - Insomnia - finally got this filled with The Dead of Night, which also filled a Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF211 An Old Friend] along with my JBB FREE square. It came in at 317 words and will post to Ao3 before this event ends.

* August Adopted: Take the Shot - sounds like a WinterHawk fic to me… maybe cross over with JBB Touch-starved?  

Tony Stark Bingo Round 7  - [TSB_R7]   (ends 15 Feb)

Eighteen  fills and one WIPs, with a couple of ideas in play.  

* S1 - Galaxy - possibly use in final chapter of   Never More to Go Astray ?  

S5 - Old Ghosts - filling this with the Tony Stark Bingo Mark VII  November Round Robin  fic from last weekend.  My part came in at 330 words - will share the link once it gets posted. 

* T2 - KINK: Cock-blocking 'bots -  I still want to combine this with  the  Fictober Day 27: prompt   "I don't know if they will accept this."   

* T5 - Shawarma - possible crossover with SAUB Canon Divergence – Battle of New York-related?

* A2 - KINK: Concubine - possible crossover with SAUB Gentle Dom

* A3 -  FREE  – @SomeSortofItalianRoast and I are looking at collabing on a  Steve/Tony/Scott fic - maybe throw in a Comfortember prompt?  

* R5 - Doppelganger/Evil Twins -   The Flash Fiction Friday prompt [#FFF214 Broken Mirror] got me at least a good start on the idea I���ve been playing with for this square. I posted NamNori on Tumblr and have a general idea of how I want to build on it to also fill my SAUB AU: Crack square. It’s currently sitting at 360 words.

Stony AUniverse Bingo  [SAUB_R1] (ends 15 Feb)

Another brand-new bingo I’m helping co-mod!   Six fills, three WIPs and several  crossover ideas already!

* S1 - Edging - Filled this with Ringing in the New, where Tony makes a suggestion to improve/change up their love life. It’s a crossover with a Flash Fiction Friday prompt: How Do You Use ‘It’? and came in at 324 words - I will post it to Ao3 before the event is over.

* S2 - AU: Crack - see TSB   Doppelganger/Evil Twins

* S3 - AU: Wings - see SVB FREE square

* S5 - Accidental Baby Acquisition - see BBB Yelena Belova

* T1 - AU: Fantasy -  CoffeeOwl shared a really cool dragon!Steve/indebted!Tony prompt in the ACB Discord server that I may be playing with for this.

* T4 - AU: Canon Divergence - see TSB Shawarma above.

* O2 - Omegaverse - I have a Vague Idea inspired by  @kandisheek’s lovely art piece.  

* N2 - Mutual Pining - crossover with CABB Royal Knight?

* N3 - Gentle Dom - see TSB KINK: Concubine above

* N5 - AU: Multiple Identities - Posted  The Secrets We Keep  to Tumblr.  It’s a first person alternating POV ficlet with mutual pining (and secret identity) Stony.   It came in at 314 words and will get posted to Ao3 before the event ends. 

* Y4 - AU: Soulmates  -  @chrissihr  posted a cool idea about Animated soulmarks, where  only your SM sees your mark move - may try to do something with this!  

Captain (America) Bottom Bingo - Round 2 [CABB] (ends 28 Feb 2024)

I signed up for a 3x3 card for this bingo and have four fills, two WIPs and a couple of crossover ideas.

* A2 - Secret/Forbidden Relationship - see SVB Harem

* B3 - Royal Knight - see SAUB Mutual Pining.

* Nov Adoptable: Sugar Baby - see SVB  Sugar Daddy.

Post July Break Bingo  [JBB_23p] (Ends Apr 2024)

One fill on my  2x3 non-fandom-specific card - still working on  potential crossovers.

* A1 - “It’s you. It’s always been you.” - This might fit in with my TSB Doppelgangers/Evil Twins fill NamNori above :: ponders::

* B2 - Character’s personality is split into two different beings – I’ve never played with Bucky & the Soldier being two different people, but this seems like the perfect opportunity! Will see what might be a good crossover on BBB or WIB (or even SVB)

*  C1 - Touch Starved – another good fit for a Bucky-centric fic. (Steve or Tony or Clint) possibly crossover with BBB Take the shot?

Steve Rogers Bingo - Round 3 [SRB_R3] (ends  15 Jun 2024)

One fill  - need to ponder possible crossovers, especially with SAUB, SVB   & CABB.  

* A2 - Age Difference - see SVB B4 - Sugar Daddy

* C5 - Exes to Lovers  - crossover with  CABB - "B1 - "All I wanted was for you to be happy."  – Bucky or Tony as the Ex?   SAUB S4 - Arranged Marriage  might be an additional crossover  

* D1 - Multiple Submissives -  Stuckony crossover with  CABB - C3 - Bath/shower sex  and SAUB  Y1 - Pre-Serum Steve Rogers?  

Build-A-Bucky Bingo [BaBB_R1]

Another fun year-long  event from the folks at  @buckybarnesevents!  Each month there’s a list of prompts and you choose (at least) one  each month for your card!

* November:  Crackfic  - see  BBB K4 - Accidental villany

Warm and Fluffy   Bingo  - [WFB]   (no end date)

Four  fills on my card, courtesy of   @warmandfluffybingocards  - need to try for another crossover or two! 

————

On  other creative fronts:  I am working on a Tardis Stuffed With Character figure for a commission and have gotten the requests from all three   Marvel Trumps Hate  auction winners - seven figures total!

If  you’re looking for one of a kind gifts for birthdays or other celebrations (besides this coming Christmas), check  out Stuffed With Character    over on Facebook for a full list of my designs (now over 150!).   These soft stuffed figures are  mostly Marvel and monsters, but I have some Star Wars, Star Trek, DC   and Disney figures as well. Plus I love to take custom design   requests  for any fandom!

[thelonewriters-fic-central]

Bombshell Links Part 1

[orphancookie69]

4/2023: Redmond, OR!

I recently had my Great Grandfather on my (biological) dad’s side of the family pass away. In life, he chose to make Oregon his home. If you have seen any of my previous Oregon trip posts, they were to see him. While it is a sad reason as a family to gather, gather we must. 

4/14 Day 1: 

Flying compared to driving is so much shorter, but for me I just don’t like flying. We flew out of Burbank Airport on Avelo. Decent flight. Picked up a rental car, what better test drive right? Had lunch locally at Mo’s Egg House in Redmond, really good. The local hole in the walls when you leave town tend to have the best people too. Then we checked into Shilo Inns Hotel in Bend. We have stayed here before, but this time was the worst experience and it will be the last. We went to the viewing for my great grandfather. The day before a burial, the funeral parlor will place the body in a room so you can see them one last time. Some people do casket open, some closed. In some ways, it is good to see him one more time but...to think that cleaned up corpse is the last visual you have on the person is a little rough. We all went back to the hotel, and needed a meal and a drink. We went to Blacksteer Steakhouse & Saloon in Bend. Kind of a hipster place, but not bad. Came back and prepared for a long day to come. 

4/15 Day 2:

Everyone woke up at different times, by the time I was awake-I had breakfast waiting for me. There was a local donut shop, and they made a jelly donut but it was like a normal round donut with jelly in the center. Wonderful. We went to the ceremony and burial. The church service was terrible. Behind the scenes, there was debate about what not to say-what to say-who says it. Death brings out the worst in families. But man, no one was happy with that service. One of our party spoke, and it was beautiful. No one else spoke though. Someone else had arranged for a medal he earned in life to be pinned on him in death by the navy. We walked to the grave site. There was a military salute, a masonic send off, and it was an honorable service. We all gathered at a local family members home for reception. Those kind of events are odd-on one hand you want to see people you most likely are never going to see again. The other, you have a man who in death his two families collided. We came back to the hotel, and swam a bit in the pool. There is a local diner there, Shari’s, and it is so good. We got dinner and a pie. We came back, with plans to visit some beloved local things we usually hit when up here. 

4/16 Day 3:

The next day we stopped by the local McDonalds for breakfast. Then hit the road for Sisters, OR. There is so much cute shopping up there! I may have forgotten I only have a carry on to bring all the items back with me, but I made it work. We had lunch at Sister’s Saloon. We came back to the hotel, and unfortunately had issues with the degenerating hotel experience and someone walked in on one of our party while they were in the room. We had no cooperation from the hotel in resolving the matter, and filed a police report. We went to bed, preparing to fly out early in the morning. 

4/17 Day 4:

Woke up early, and gassed up the car. Did you know that Oregon is still one of those states that you can’t fill up your own gas? We dropped the rental car off, and boarded the plane. We took Alaska Airlines to LAX. Decent flight. Came back, and had to get ready for another trip. 

What did I learn from this trip? A lot. From the fact that I saw the family when I was little but have no recollection of it? That my family problems are not as bad as others? That funerals suck? That I want to be a mason? To always be safe rather than sorry, and lock your luggage? Am I glad I went? Yeah, but man-I could use a vacation. 

[mamasita2006]

Therapy day....

It is today your weekly appointment with your psychologist. You are dreading it... Slowly getting up, having your coffee... You are barely trying to find a reason why you cant make it, unfortunately you dont find any. You dont care about this meeting this morning, you put some pants, tie your hair in a pony tail and put a sweater on, at least you are comfy in this shitty meeting. It is 1030 hours, you are jumping in your vehicle. It is winter but actually pretty warm, you have your comfy shoes, sweat pants and the nice war within sweater. No bra, no undies and your shades on, because you dont want anyone to recognize you. You are on route to the base. At the location, you are told to sit in the waiting room of your therapist until you are called to attend your session. That is the worse, it is like the waiting time where you question yourself the most... Why am i here, Am i getting somewhere? And so many more.... 1100... The assistant tells you that your therapist is ready to receive you. Unfortunately your usual one is off sick today, so they set you up with a new one just for today. GREAT... You barely trust anyone... And they had to change that without telling you. Fucking military... Trying a fast one of me again. Fuck' em. You are telling yourself that you will sit in the office and just tell that new therapist that it is not working. You walk in and sit on the chair you usually sit, the position of the chair is perfect. You can see your therapist and at the same time the door. You can see that the therapist is sitting at his desk. But he hasnt said anything since you walked in... Thats kind of rude. He tells you that you will be trying a new session today. He turns off the light and ask you to close your eyes. A song start to play, it is actually relaxing. You actually recognize the therapist's voice, but it can be. It must be your mind playing tricks on you... It wouldnt be new. You can hear him walking around the office. But you try to focus on the song. You can feel him getting closer, closer to your ear, and he whispered to your ear '' I told you, I would get ya''. You cant believe it, it is not possible, this french accent... As you are about to open your eyes...I grab on that ponytail and push my cock into your mouth... Surprise... I told you, you would be mine. Holding your hair i set the tempo... And make sure that you gag a little bit. I tell you that on today's session we will be working your morale... And flexibility. While my cock is in your mouth, you still make the muffled noise that you agree... My hands remove your sweater... I have been dying to see those tits... As per usual, no undies... No bra.. You know how it makes me happy... Actually, you can feel it... I got hard so quick. I make you get up, turn around and knees on the chair make you bend over... It is perfect... Your little ass is spread just for me... And since you are getting louder... I make you suck on my finger.... For the next 45 min, I use your ass as much as i want... And cum inside of you... While you clean up my cock... I tell you that I will be at your place today around 16:00... To let your door unlock, and that at 16:00 you better be in the middle of your living room, on your knees with that bathroom robe... Because we are going for a round 2... And that I am far to be done with you.

[theonethatcouldhavebeen]

hesitations

Hey there.

Since I am at a quite fragile, rebellious, emotional and melodramatic phase of my life, today, people around me can't be trusted so easily. I have strict parents and I possibly don't think that they would be very happy to know about my boring and confusing love life.

So here I am and i am going to write all about it.

If ya'll find me and my life interesting enough, please do visit my posts often.

I am 17 years old. And the reason that I am here sharing some unforgettable moments which occurred in my life instead of telling my friends is because of the most obvious and complicated thing of all. TRUST.

When I was 16 years old, and was in school, I had a crush on a boy for like 3 years. Or maybe 2. I didn't exactly know when I started to like him, but it warmed my heart when he used to send me good morning and good night texts every single day. It was during lockdown in 2020 when we started to bond. We used to chat all day long, in between classes and cover up for each other when one wasn't paying attention to the teacher.

But when we came to school physically like after a year or so, he walked right by me and i was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe he would do such a horrible thing to me. I tried talking to him for the rest of day but he kept cutting me off. I was really pissed off. I got home and saw his message saying that his friends would have started teasing us and it would have ruined our friendship. Anyways, we eventually came out of that awkward phase and entered 10th grade. Now the toxic friend comes in the picture. In my friend group, i Hadn't told anybody about my feelings for him because i wasn't sure enough. You know sometimes its just like a stupid attraction and goes away after a few weeks. Now, I wouldn't have imagined that these stupid feeling would stay in my heart for 2 damn years. I think my friends noticed the way I looked at him. They kinda shipped us, but i warned them not to overdo it due to his insecurity of losing close ones. There was this one friend who got a small crush on him and i was like VERY VERY jealous. I was so mad and sad at the same time that I stopped talking to him. this went on for nearly 2 months. This was because my FRIEND was brave enough to reveal that she has a crush on him and the next thing you know is everybody is shipping them. One day after games period, he sat beside me. I turned around, my back facing him. He called me 4 times and when I didn't listen he just twirled the chair around pulling it towards his. I was a little flustered and couldn't meet his eyes, since I was afraid of bawling out my eyes right in front of him. He urged me to look him in the eyes with a husky voice. As I lifted up my head and glanced at him, he was all sweaty from playing football and his face was completely red due the scorching summer heat. The scene made my heart skip a beat. I tried to sound unbothered and asked him, "What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something." He said.

"Go on." I replied still acting cool not noticing the stares my FRIEND gave me.

"What's with the long face huh? You don't laugh much either nowadays. I think there is a misunderstanding which I need to clear."

"And that is?"

"There is nothing going on with me and your FRIEND. You know the boys; they just start teasing me for fun. And the reason that I don't deny their teasing is because I know that nothing, I can say will stop them. They will just round up my words and start a dumb rumor."

"Okay. And why are you telling me this?"

There was a long pause. I could almost see my FRIEND staring at us smugly. He stuttered, "Uhm, Uh, you are my friend, and I think that was something you should now so that you don't get the wrong idea."

"Okay then. Noted." I smiled a little grateful for his consideration.

But I was still depressed that he indeed saw me only as a friend. It was just extremely tough to accept the truth and tears formed in my eyes.

"Why are there tears in your eyes?" he asked while chuckling.

"Oh you know, I got it from my mother. In any type of extreme emotion, tears tend to come. It's inconvenient. Every time I laugh I have to remove my glasses to wipe them. Haha." I said, still in a dull voice smiling a little.

"Whenever you explain this situation to anyone, you always laugh heartily while saying it. You aren't now. Who knows. That could be your actual tears." A voice said which didn't belong to my crush.

{Lets call my crush A and the other boy B for convenience.}

"I looked back and saw B staring at us while wiping off the sweat. There was a unknown tension in the air which I failed to understand and just smiled at what he said.

B was with me from the very beginning. I joined the school when I was in 2nd grade and since then B was always in my class. Our class was shuffled thrice. Still here we were. Together even after 9 years. He knew me quite well.

Nevertheless, currently I am in touch with A. I am studying for an entrance exam for med school. I stay in the coaching classes for like more than half of the day. I cut off contact from other fake friends. So, I only talk to A once in a while. In a friendly way of course.

I joined the classes early to get a head start for my preparation so I was shifted to the ADVANCED BATCH. That class was filled with ambitious, smart, focused people. It created a very serious and healthy atmosphere for studying.

We were like 8 girls and other 24 were boys. All of them we really very smart and born talented. It was hard for me to compete with them. Afterall I was an average student. Not some extraordinary child.

Now what I didn't expect was to create a liking towards the topper of our batch. It was a start of something new exciting but I knew how it was going to end. He was out of my league.

Tall, handsome, dark hairs, beautiful eyes, long hands and a gentle smile.

He belonged to the Muslim community, and I belonged to the Hindu community. I knew, that I should get rid of my feelings as soon as possible, because him and me were not gonna happen. However, my heart always acted otherwise.

I liked making people laugh so I used to crack a lot of jokes. He used to eavesdrop once in a while (as noticed by my friends and sometimes myself) and laughed at every one of my jokes of which he heard. It came as a shock because he was not one of those who would laugh that easily. He always had a serious aura. He used to mess around with his friends, but would never approach any girl.

At first, I was quite happy and proud of my sense of humor that I made such a cold boy laugh. But as time went by I found myself wanting to talk to him.

There were some moments of "eye contact" but I didn't think of anything since it could have been just a coincident glance at each other.

I still remember the first time I talked to him. I went to ask him a biology doubt and ended up mispronouncing a word 3 times. Whilst I struggled with the word, he just laughed at me. To be honest I am still embarrassed of this memory.

Many a times he would sit behind me during the self-study sessions. He wasn't the type of person who sat behind girls.

Once, he needed a particular book set (Book set 6). He asked some of his friends and none had that. When he approached me, I checked my bad and saw that exact book lying there. I believe it was fate. While going home I asked how much more time he needed the book since I needed to get home, he asked for 3 minutes.

A man who is punctual about his time. You must think I am weird, but as a medical aspirant that is really hot of him.

As he returned the book, he jokingly said, "At least write your name on the book. You never know the people around you nowadays." And with that gave a sweet smile and walked away.

I was too stunned to see him talking so casually to me for the first time and that smile. Oh god. Literally no words came out as I watched him go into the classroom (he was sitting outside the room for some time)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stay tuned for further story. I will write them as the events happen in my life. Thank you for staying till here. I would love if ya'll get interactive. In a non-toxic way of course.

However, if I catch someone detoxifying themselves here, I will make sure to dish one right back. Have a good day!

[love-cat-weight-loss]

Day 1 - Monday 6 July 2022

Two changes for my first day towards the 10 lb loss loss, will be get up half an hour earlier, at 5.00 am and do the half hour weight beginner video I put up in last post and secondly, I won't eat my first meal until 12:00 pm which will be a mushroom and 'low low' reduced fat cheese omelette with a mixed salad. This will be followed by a low fat yogurt and that will be until I get home for dinner.

The omelette was half of one I had made for my lunch today (Sunday), the day before I get stuck into this weight loss project. As I will be at work tomorrow, I won't have time to write in here but planning ahead is the difference in success and failure.

I get my bus to work at 6.30 am and I won't get home until 6.45 pm so in order to eat within the intermittent hours (16 hrs) I am amending the hours to between 8pm and 12pm. Not sure what I will have for dinner tomorrow but as I said this wasn't going to be as much about the food, but the moving more, it will be healthy but filling and certainly not skimpy.

By the by, the main thing that made me get up at 5.30 am in the mornings, get on that 6.30 am bus was the knowledge that when I hit Belfast, I would cross the road from the Europa, head over to the Centra on the corner of Great Victoria Street and get me two freshy made hot sausages rolls (£1.50 for 2 bargain!) and a piping hot cappuccino coffee. I would be the first one in as my bus usually got into Belfast between 8.10 am and 8.20 am, depending on the traffic into the city, that particular day. I would then enjoy the peace and quiet and my fresh, hot sausage rolls and coffee breakfast before the madness began for the day in the little office kitchen. Well now that I am intermittent fasting, there will be no such breakfast; maybe just a piping hot mug of tea made in the office but ah well, needs to be done. I do love my little plump cheeks and rounding tummy taking me into that little old lady look (SCREECH OF BREAKS) nah, not yet! Granny Cat can wait until my children at least consider making me a Granny! That is another story. Lets just pull the reins, and back up abit :-).

The next addition for tomorrow will be to take my little dog out for a brisk 30 minute to 40 minute walk after work. My live in dog walker (my daughter) has decided to move on to London so now completely my job and although he has the run of the garden he does love to go for a brisk walk. I am always soooo tired when I get home and just want to lie on the sofa and do nothing but experience has told me, and down to some really good friends, who enjoyed evening walks, and 'forced' me, well 'encouraged' me to get off my posterior and go for a nice walk, that once you get out, you enjoy the walk and it 'wakes' you up and renews your energy so going to 'force' myself to just go get George's lead and head out before my bum can hit the sofa in front of the tv. I may add to this a 30 minute fat burning video before bed but lets see how it goes. This has to be doable and realistic but hey the 80's music one isn't too long and is fun so maybe I will start with that one and then build on that over the next couple of months.

One thing I will need, is a good nights sleep so will be in bed tonight at 9.00 pm. At the moment, best that can be done but, as the busy summer season ends, I will be able to work from home so the early starts and bus journeys will end and then next year, I will be renting my house out and living in Belfast for a couple of years but we can still work exercise in, whichever way it goes. I am keen to learn if exercise alone, along with a sensible diet but not anything drastic, can result in weight loss, even when you are "old".

Attached is a video of my lunch for tomorrow which will be the first meal I will eat tomorrow. I might have a couple of boiled eggs and a slice of wholemeal toast for my dinner today as the lunch was quite filling and naughty. Mushroom/Cheese omelette, air fried oven chips and Asda low salt baked beans. Thoroughly enjoyed it and totally satisfied which is also a good reason not to skimp on your meals, as you are less likely to 'snack' or want another big meal or takeaway later. I found when I tried to reduce my food intake, I would snack more often and crave foods I wouldn't normally which is why I believe diets are not for me. Eating what I want and having as much as I want (in one sitting) until I am full and satisfied works for me as I don't need much more food for the day and don't snack at all because I am too full up. Everyone is different though. Exercise is my downfall so making an effort and hopefully as a result I will get to and maintain a normal weight for my height/size.age as I am certainly overweight at 76 kgs for a 5' 5" woman. Below is a link to check what your BMI should be (roughly) but will give you an idea if you are actually overweight. I will be using a separate post to record all the 'stats' but if you are interested the bmi calculator link is below.

[xxsycamore]

𝚄𝙿𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶 𝚄𝙿𝙳𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚂 !!!

I'm super happy to let you know that I have plenty of exciting things planned for this blog in the near future!! Here's what you can expect:

IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS:

A BRAND NEW CONTENT CREATION CHALLENGE hosted by me and a very very dear friend of mine!!! Nothing too long or too engaging, just a fun little event for all of us to enjoy :) Announcement post coming very soon!

Finishing up with the last round of requests and putting together my personal Be my Valentine masterlist, at last! Characters you'll see written soon: Chevalier, Comte, Lancelot, Arthur, Mitsuhide, Napoleon & Wellesley.

JUNE AND JULY:

A FOLLOWER MILESTONE CELEBRATION EVENT for which I'm going to take requests - but not as you're used to it.

A PART TWO OF THE FOLLOWER MILESTONE CELEBRATION EVENT with some anonymous voting included to make it more fun!

NEW HORIZONS: a possible expansion of the list of fandoms I write for! Nothing too drastic, I'm sticking to ikeseries writings before anything else!

LATER:

A THIRD ANNUAL NAPOLEON WEEK, c'mon I know you saw this coming 😅 which also means hopefully completing my fics from last year's Napoleon Week before that!

ONE ON ONE CHALLENGE FOR WRITERS - let's see how I get around to doing the above list and then I'll give you more details on this one :)

FILLING THE GAPS: since about forever I've been wanting to challenge myself and have a story written for each and every ikeseries character there is - not promising anything here, but I'm definitely thinking about it

MY FIRST EVER CROSSOVER FIC, for which I'm dying to spill the beans but it's too early for that yet!

You know how I am - you can expect me to be late with some of those! 😅 June is going to be busy for me, and I'll be trying to take it easy and relax after that! And, nothing on this list is final - some things might get dropped, and some new ones might get added. Looking forward to a fun and exciting summer with all of you 🧡🧡🧡

@arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran  @thehappycat123 @pumpumnnnp @thesirenwashere @theuwuisunreal @ravenarld @kyokirigiri-22 @kimmy-banana @devonares @animeworldsposts @randomanimatedhusbandoseeker @galaxyprison @trishtori @sadshaxk @starshards26 @pro-cat-stination @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @keen19thcenturygoatsstudent @lordsister @ikemen-banshou  @themysticalbeing @canaria-blackwell @otome-scribbles @rhodolitesrose @fun-ghoul-neela @salty-fed-up-bitch  @coornn @cilokgoang​ @kpop-and-otome @queen-dahlia @kisara-16 @chaosangel767 @ikemenlibrary @queengiuliettafirstlady @aurora-morning @aquagirl1978 ​ @ikemenlover24 @violettduchess @mcofthemansion @atelier-maroron @moonstruck-writing