#it is going to ultimately make things harder for them and rob themselves of knowing how to learn which is SO important

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

This might not be normal but I’m dying to know your opinion on the ship wars. I don’t know why I’m obsessed with your opinion on the matter but I am very interested in your thoughts on it. 🙂

hi anon!!!

(pls note these are my opinions)

i don't have extreme opinions on the ship themselves. like lucien, elain, gwyn, azriel, and morrigan are all very boring characters to me. i feel like all of these pairings would be like watching paint dry. like let's think about it - elain's pov would literally just have to rework and rehash so many events in the story to make her likable (to the general audience). we've already discussed their vague human life and its clear sjm didn't really event that much lore about their lives before the story. elain has no conflicts with any members save for the whole weird and awkward mate / azriel situation. there's no established villain. azriel has no personality. lucien is in limbo and has no personality. the whole thing about lucien being helion son is ultimately useless and doesn't really change anything (the story is also arguing that i should root for helion despite the fact he just is okay with loa being abused). beron is a caricature villain who made his life harder by just reviving his age old enemy whom he dislikes and has since he was born. so how serious am i supposed to take him as a villain?

koschei is just there and is also another villain with no personality. morrigan also has no personality. gwyn is also just there and I mean I wouldn't say there's a lot of build-up for her either. but at the very least she has some inner conflicts to resolve. rhys is obviously not going to be a real barrier. there's literally no appeal to any of these characters IMO.

if the story would handle an illyrian plotline with emerie and azriel at the wing, i'd probably be interested but unfortunately sjm is the writer so it wouldn't be good. but yeah weirdly enough I would enjoy an emerie x az story (not romantic - but I wouldn't mind; I would love an emerie x female illyrian but alas there are no named illyrian females in this entire series besides her). i think the story unironically sets up an interesting dynamic between the illyrians and the night court but the story genuinely doesn't seem them as victims in any capacity - but I've got to admit its an interesting setup. think about it:

illyrians mothers raise these sons who grow up to hate them. women are isolated in these communities and robbed of their ability to fly; but these women are also semi-indoctrinated to sone extent to exalt this system of brutality and violence. mother's send their sons off to the blood rite to die so that they can serve and protect an utopia (velaris) that they have no access to. their high lord passes law - but is naught to enforce them because he recognizes who integral this oppression is to his political and militaristic aspirations. their high lord leaves their burgeoning communities without leadership for almost half a century to join forces with amarantha but then comes back after his tenure and SLAUGHTERS and tortures hordes of people for doing the same thing despite the fact he removed any court protection from them.

its interesting to me! id read that. it also kind of reminds me of the dynamic between paul atreides / jessica and their use of the fremen in dune (please read if you haven't! very fun and surprisingly easy read!)

[rametarin]

The crucial distinction

I live with family, because I am too poor to sustain living on my own. It's a kind of poverty that my mother imposes, specifically to keep me too poor to live on my own. If I were to leave, I'd wind up stuck in a homeless dump for the next 8-15 years, and basically start out at 39 where other people foolishly start out at age 18 moving away from home and struggling. And, you know, struggling while homeless until I'm 60 doesn't really suit me much.

So, I endure.

Part of enduring her bullshit is being forced to deal with her constant, petty need to be in control of my every waking action and function. If she's feeling like the world and the people in it are taking too much agency away from her, suddenly she decides I have things I need to do, solely because she wants them done.

If these things were necessary or of any real value whatsoever, I wouldn't despise doing them so much. But every so often, she'll wake up and decide she has things she wants me to do, just for the sake of having me do them- and the implication is, while sitting on any logistics train I have to try and build up to escape and preventing me from accumulating anything or working towards a better life, that if I don't do whatever bogus thing she asks, I'll wind up homeless.

So if she wakes up and decides she wants to spend 5 minutes robbing me of my attention in a long winding story that ultimately is self-indulgent pap for, "go take out the trash," and then after I put the garbage in the trunk of the car, hands me something else to go put in the trunk, then telling me to go turn the AC on when I get back inside, then telling me to collect the recyclables and put those in the car, all I can do is either deal with this forcefeeding of tasks one after another, or go pound sand without a place to live.

And I'm going to be honest, it's getting harder and harder not to justify strangling her to death and just rebuilding my shattered life from prison. Because this sort of behavior is just cold blooded, manipulative and cruel.

Once she has me up she wants me shifting between 10-15 different meaningless tasks that range from "opening a door" so her fat disgusting old cottage cheese ass doesn't have to get up to do it, to anything else, in a neverending petty chain of events and activities.

Meaningless activities designed to give me something to do or face consequences, but the things themselves having no real value. Even sweeping the floor only irregularly assigned, and where I've caught her sprinkling dirt places just to make the floor dirty. Again, just to "give me something to do."

I have zero respect for women that behave and think like this, and being led around by my nose like this due to health and financial problems for 20 years, I'd sooner throw one down a flight of stairs than enter a relationship like this. I do not like being threatened for existing, or punished and penalized for it, and people that do so will never again be able to build any kind of trust or rapport with me consensually. It's my sole hope people like this go too far, just so I could justifiably rip them to pieces with my bare hands and legally come out of it fine.

I am so tired of sweeping floors that are only dirty to justify telling me to sweep them.

[mishafletcher]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

So I got this ask a while ago, and I've been lowkey thinking about it ever since.

First: No. I am a queer, cranky dyke who is too old for this sort of bullshit gatekeeping. 

Second: What an unbelievable question to ask someone you don't even know! What an incomprehensibly rude thing to ask, as if you're somehow owed information about my sexual history. You're not! No one—and I can't reiterate this enough, but no one—owes you the details of their sex lives, of their trauma, or of anything about themselves that they don't feel like sharing with you.

The clickbait mills of the internet and the purity police of social media would like nothing more than to convince everyone that you owe these things to everyone. They would like you to believe that you have to prove that you're traumatized enough to identify with this character, that you can't sell this article about campus rape without relating it to your own sexual assault, that you can't talk about queer issues without offering up a comprehensive history of your own experiences, and none of those things are true. You owe people, and especially random strangers on the internet, nothing, least of all citations to somehow prove to them that you have the right to talk about your own life.

This makes some people uncomfortable, and to be clear, I think that that's good: people who feel entitled to demand this information should be uncomfortable. Refusing to justify yourself takes power away from people who would very much like to have it, people who would like to gatekeep and dictate who is permitted to speak about what topics or like what things. You don't have to justify yourself. You don't have to explain that you like this ship because this one character reminds you a bit of yourself because you were traumatized in a vaguely similar way and now— You don't have to justify your queerness by telling people about the best friend you had when you were twelve, and how you kissed, and she laughed and said it was good practice for when she would kiss boys and your stomach twisted and your mouth tasted like bile and she was the first and last girl you kissed, but— 

You don't owe anyone these pieces of yourself. They're yours, and you can share them or not, but if someone demands that you share, they're probably not someone you should trust.

Third: The idea of gold star lesbians is a profoundly bi- and trans- phobic idea, often reducing gender to genitals and the long, shared history of queer women of all identities to a stark, artificial divide where some identities are seen as purer or more valuable than others. This is bullshit on all counts.

There's a weird and largely artificial division between bisexuals and lesbians that seems to be intensifying on tumblr, and I have to say: I hate it. Bisexual women aren't failed lesbians. They're not somehow less good or less valid because they're attracted to [checks notes] people. Do you think that having sex with a man somehow changes them? What are you so worried about it for? I've checked, and having sex with a man does not, in fact, make your vagina grow teeth or tentacles. Does that make you feel better? Why is what other people are doing so threatening to you?

Discussions of gold star lesbians are often filled with tittering about hehe penises, which is unfortunate, since I know a fair few lesbians who have penises, and even more lesbians who've had sex with people, men and women alike, who have penises. I'm sorry to report that "I'm disgusted by a standard-issue human body part" is neither a personality nor anything to be proud of. I'm a dyke and I don't especially like men, but dicks are just dicks. You don't have to be interested in them, but a lot of people have them, and it doesn't make you less of a lesbian to have sex with someone who has a dick.

There's so much garbage happening in the world—maybe you haven't noticed, but things are kind of Not Great in a lot of places, and there's a whole pandemic thing that's been sort of a major buzzkill? How is this something that you're worried about? Make a tea, remind yourself that other people's genitalia and sexual history are none of your business, maybe go watch a video about a cute animal or something. 

Fourth: The idea of gold star lesbians is a shitty premise that argues that sexuality is better if it's always been clear-cut and straightforward—but it rarely is. We live in a very, very heterosexist culture. I didn’t have a word for lesbian until many years after I knew that I was one. How can you say that you are something when your mouth can’t even make the shape of it? The person you are at 24 is different to the person you are at 14, and 34, and 74. You change. You get braver. The world gets wider. You learn to see possibilities in the shadows you used to overlook. Of course people learn more about themselves as they age.

Also, many of us, especially those of us who grew up in smaller towns, or who are over the age of, say, 25, grew up in times and places where our sexuality was literally criminal.

Shortly after I graduated high school, a gay man in my state was sentenced to six months in jail. Why? Well, he’d hit on someone, and it was a misdemeanor to "solicit homosexual or lesbian activity", which included expressing romantic or sexual interest in someone who didn’t reciprocate. You might think, then, that I am in fact quite old, but you would be mistaken. The conviction was in 1999; it was overturned in 2002.

I grew up knowing this: the wrong thing said to the wrong person would be sufficient reason to charge me with a crime.

In the United States, the Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996, clarifying that according to the federal government, marriage could only ever be between one man and one woman. It also promised that even if a state were to legalize same-sex unions, other states wouldn't have to recognize them if they didn't want to. And wow, they super did not want to, because between 1998 and 2012, a whopping thirty states had approved some sort of amendment banning same-sex marriage.

Every queer person who's older than about 25 watched this, knowing that this was aimed at people like them. Knowing that these votes were cast by their friends and their families and their teachers and their employers. 

Some states were worse than others. Ohio passed their bill in 2004 with 62% approval. Mississippi passed theirs the same year with 86% approval. Imagine sitting in a classroom, or at work, or in a church, or at a family dinner, and knowing that statistically, at least two out of every three people in that room felt you shouldn't be allowed to marry someone you loved.

Matthew Shepard was tortured to death in October of 1998. For being gay, for (maybe) hitting on one of the men who had planned to merely rob him. Instead, he was tortured and left to die, tied to a barbed wire fence. His murderers were both sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison. This was controversial, because a nonzero number of people felt that Shepard had brought it upon himself.

Many of us sat at dinner tables and listened to this discussion, one that told us, over and over, that we were fundamentally wrong, fundamentally undeserving of love or sympathy or of life itself.

This is a tiny, tiny sliver of history—a staggeringly incomplete overview of what happened in the US over about ten years. Even if this tiny sliver is all that there were, looking at this, how could you blame someone for wanting to try being not Like This? How can you fault someone who had sex, maybe even had a bunch of sex, hoping desperately that maybe they could be normal enough to be loved if they just tried harder? How can you say that someone who found themself an uninteresting but inoffensive boyfriend and went on dates and had sex and said that it was fine is somehow less valuable or less queer or less of a lesbian for doing so? For many people, even now, passing as straight, as problematic as that term is, is a survival skill. How dare you imply that the things that someone did to protect themself make them worth less? They survived, and that's worth literally everything.

Fifth, finally: What is a gold star, anyhow? You've capitalized it, like it's Weighty and Important, but it's not. Gold stars were what your most generous grade school teacher put on spelling tests that you did really well on. But ultimately, gold stars are just shiny scraps of paper. They don't have any inherent value: I can buy a thousand of them for five bucks and have them at my door tomorrow. They have only the meaning that we give them, only the importance that we give them. We’re not children desperately scrabbling for a teacher’s approval anymore, though. We understand that good and bad are more of a spectrum than a binary, and that a gold star is a simplification. We understand that no number of gold stars will make us feel like we’re special enough or good enough or important enough, or fix the broken places we can still feel inside ourselves. Only we can do that.

The stars are only shiny scraps of paper. They offer us nothing; we don’t need them. I hope that someday, you see that, too. 

[bestworstcase]

i’ve been thinking about this post from a couple days ago and how i shared my four questions of character development but didn’t actually give an example of what my answers look like and it’s bugging me a bit because it occurs to me that it’s kinda just. lobbing a tool out there without documentation on how to use it properly rip

so uh. further details with examples ft. the bitter snow cast.

#1: what are they looking for?

all characters have an UNFULFILLED DESIRE that motivates them to action. the more central to the story the character is, the harder this must be to attain, as a general rule. this is, ideally, NOT an exterior goal. instead, it is the intrinsic wellspring from which the character’s goals and aspirations emerge.

EXAMPLES:

cassandra: it’s complicated. she is a character defined more by what she lacks than what she wants, per se; she does not feel secure of her place in the world, she craves trust because she feels she is distrusted, she craves respect because she feels she is overlooked, she craves love because she feels unloved. she doesn’t want to be a servant. she is terrified of insignificance, of being forgotten. she does not fit, and this hurts her. she is riddled with self-loathing and self-doubt because of the discrimination she has endured due to her saporian heritage. but if pressed to explain what she wants… she can’t summon a true answer. she doesn’t know what she wants, so what she is looking for fundamentally is to figure that out.

rapunzel: complicated again. she is a character defined in large part by what other people want from her. a people-pleaser who becomes anxious, persistent—even forceful—in her efforts to make everyone happy. she isn’t accustomed to paying attention to her own desires, and tends to neglect them unless she is acutely unhappy. i think she is looking for herself, more than anything.

varian: he is searching for answers. he wants to understand how the world works, to discover what it has to teach him. simple.

caine: she is looking for freedom. her life has been a long succession of horrific losses: her father was brutally taken from her, her mother became horribly ill, poverty and familial obligation robbed her of what remained of her childhood, she became disillusioned with the faith her aunt tried to share with her, her best friend died in her arms. she wants vengeance, and she also wants to stop carrying these ghosts with her, and she also wants to stop looking over her shoulder all the time and waiting for the next loss to catch up with her.

zhan tiri: she is looking for peace. she is the oldest living being in existence, and she came from nothing, and every single significant moment in her unfathomably long life has been soaked in blood and pain and death. her intrinsic nature is to hunger—always needing, always restless, always empty—and more than anything, she longs to break this endless circle of want.

#2: what’s stopping them?

every character must have an OBSTACLE which DISRUPTS their pursuit of what they’re looking for. it is the thing standing in their way. this is NOT the antagonist—it is the reason the character cannot easily overcome the antagonist. ideally it is something intrinsic.

EXAMPLES:

cassandra: she has, again, a complicated answer—because the very thing she is looking for is the same thing that stands in her way. how can she discover her basic, most primal want if she can’t even articulate her goals? she wants, at the beginning of the story, to join the watch—but not because she wants to join the watch, so much as joining the watch is a proxy for cassandra assimilating fully, for being coronan through and through, for scrubbing herself clean of the stain of her parents’ legacy—and that proxy is itself merely a proxy for her desire to belong—and her desire to belong is, in turn, a proxy for the agony of not knowing herself. she is piling bandaids on top of bandaids on top of bandaids on top of hemorrhages.

rapunzel: she is trapped in her own story. an evil witch kidnapped the magical lost princess, who escaped and came home; a miracle. the sundrop gifted its power to the lost princess; destiny. she a peacemaker and a mediator; it is her job to fix problems. narratives piled on narratives and she’s lost—or rather, never had—the insight to recognize that there is more to her than the stories people tell about her.

varian: his crushing need for approval is the key thing standing in his way. it isn’t just that his father’s disappointment or his village’s distrust make him warier of free experimentation; it is also, and perhaps even more so, that he is afraid of finding the wrong answers. answers that won’t help people. answers that his friends and allies won’t like. answers that change his basic view of the world in ways that feel antithetical to who he is. this fear holds him back from pursuing the truth.

caine: she is looking in the wrong direction; she is trying to not care, as if by not caring she can trick the universe into not taking anything else away. she is someone who cares so deeply trying to sever herself from everything she cares about without actually letting it go, which is of course an exercise in futility.

zhan tiri: what she wants is, quite simply, impossible. this is not a human answer because she is not human. contentment is and will always be something she is not capable of feeling, and chasing it is nothing but another exercise in insatiable hunger.

#3: what are they going to do about it?

this is about ACTION. it is not an option for a character to do nothing; the nature of the unfulfilled desire is that they are COMPELLED to seek it, somehow, by some means. if the answer to this question does not involve the character DOING SOMETHING, you need to return to question number one and fix the answer there.

EXAMPLES:

cassandra: she is going to fling herself headlong and without hesitation after whatever concrete goals feel like they might “fix” the lack she feels. even if a short term goal (like helping rapunzel sneak out) clashes or is contradictory with a longer term goal (like joining the watch). even if it is an obviously stupid idea (like her secret correspondence with rosalia morcant). even if it is an impulse with little if any rational basis (like fixating on finding varian, or joining the fight in socona). she is, essentially, throwing stuff at the wall to see what sticks, because without knowing what she wants, she can’t form a coherent “quest” for herself.

rapunzel: she is going to follow the path of least resistance with whatever narrative feels the least restrictive to her at any given time. when she is fresh out of the tower, reconnecting with her real family and throwing herself into becoming a princess is that narrative. later, taking adira’s and xavier’s advice to pursue her destiny by questing for the moonstone replaces that narrative. since none of these narratives fully suit her—they are all boxes she tries to fit into—she will eventually grow discontent and cast them aside to try something new, until she finally breaks this cycle.

varian: he is going to fall into a cycle of hesitant side-stepping leading to crisis leading to frantic charge forward until he identifies this pattern and chooses to step calmly but courageously into unknown territory. his instinct is to try to go around, to find an oblique solution, but to get what he wants he will ultimately need to just face his fear head on—and deep down he is willing to do that.

caine: she is going to run, and fight, and keep running and fighting until her legs give out beneath her. vengeance appeals to her, and she’s going to chase it with everything she’s got while trying to protect what she has; her intense drive is tempered by caution, which manifests in a pragmatic approach to pursuit of her exterior goals.

zhan tiri: she is going to continuously and experimentally refine and broaden her definition of “hunger” with the aim of hitting on something that allows her to feel satiated. she is going to line up goals and systematically chew threw them until there’s nothing left. she is, eventually, going to devour the whole cosmos and then probably die.

#4: who do they think they are?

this is a question about the character’s SELF-IDENTIFICATION. how do they PERCEIVE themselves? how do they choose to DEFINE themselves? what do they see when they look in the mirror?

EXAMPLES:

cassandra: she is untrustworthy. she is ignored. she is likable but not lovable. she doesn’t fit anywhere. she’s empty. she’s unsure. she’s drowning in doubt. she is insignificant, unimportant. she has been wronged, somehow. she wants to be a hero. she is someone who wants to do the right thing. she never stops trying. she’s stupid and reckless and incapable and doesn’t deserve any of the things she wants. she probably cares too much.

rapunzel: she is good. she is kind. (she is better than other people, in some small way. she sees the potential for goodness that other people can’t, or won’t.) she is worthless. she exists to make the world a better place. she is a princess, so she has to lead. she is the sundrop, so she has to heal. she is strong. (she is weak.) her determination to be kind and willingness to trust are her best qualities.

varian: he’s probably a lot smarter than most people he knows. he doesn’t know anything, but he wants to. he’s reckless. he’s not good enough. he can’t replace his mom. he’s accident prone. he’s a disappointment. he moves too fast. he thinks too fast. he doesn’t really need to sleep. he’s better with chemicals and formulas and machines than people. he’s not someone people want to be friends with. he could do great things if people—especially his dad—would just believe in him for once.

caine: she is an asshole and there is nothing wrong with her. she’s callous. she’s selfish. she’s out for her own interest first. she’s fine. (it was her fault cornaīn died. it’ll be her fault if her mom dies, or if neasa dies, or if any more of her crew dies, or if cassandra dies.) she isn’t afraid, she isn’t hurt, she’s angry. the only person she can rely on is herself, and the only person she wants to rely on is herself. she’s not anxious, she’s being smart.

zhan tiri: she loves, and it hurts, and she loves anyway. there is a way to break the circle and she is going to find it; it isn’t over until the end; but nothing lasts but hunger. she has done nothing wrong, ever, in her life. she has so many regrets she could drown in them if she weren’t immortal. she is beautiful, stop screaming.

…and that’s the bedrock of a character. 

every individual action, every specific goal, every thought and feeling, is ultimately guided by the clash between this internal core with the realities of the setting, plot, and choices of other characters. cognitive dissonance between answers #1-3 and answer #4 is a breeding ground for inner conflict, and answers #1-3 are the raw material from which the spine of the character’s arc is sculpted.

[bonus round: this method comes from a scene in the pre-broadway houston run of the musical wonderland, wherein a character poses these questions to alice; her answers are:

#1: “i’m looking for my lost child.*”

*this being both literally her child who is lost but also metaphorically her own sense of wonder and discovery, which she has lost touch with.

#2: “i do! i keep getting in my own way, it’s all i do!”

#3: “i’m trying to figure that out!”

#4: “i’m chloe’s mother. i’m married to jack. these people are my friends. i’m a writer. i’m a teacher. i’m the dreamer of this dream. i’m lots of things; i’m my own invention!”

and when i first listened to this audio i was blown away by just how perfectly this distilled the character of alice down to her purest essentials so i immediately adopted it for character building purposes and i have never looked back because it is simple and it works.

in this scene there is also a fifth question, “what are you afraid of?” (paraphrasing: “losing the people i love”) which i have over time sort of just lumped in with how i answer the other four, because i find it to be less evocative on its own. however, it is useful information to know about a character and i recommend keeping it in mind when answering the other four.]

[pynkhues]

I would like to state that at one point, I was also internalizing much of the misogyny you discussed in your reply. This is also why I backed away from the show for nearly two years. I've resumed watching the show && quite frankly, Beth is the most realistic depiction of a woman with her fkn past && present ever written.

She will always love Dean for a myriad of reasons && he fkn loves her, too. Is it a healthy love? Fuck no. However, relationships are extremely difficult && they both have much to heal from given their childhood, their relationship, their marriage && themselves now in their 40s. They're still married, too.

Love takes many forms && some may not be healthy but it's not this passionate, perfect affair. Far fkn from it. My only critique for the GG writers is if they really want to show Beth && Dean till the end, LET HIM FKN GROW ALREADY!

Rio is fun for her. Dean was out fkn every single woman in sight but her. She didn't feel desirable. She felt ignored. Here's this dangerous character that excites her but it wasn't about him. It's about HER. She for once took something for HER. This meant not just one robbery but a life of crime. This meant a cat-mouse dynamic with the boss that she had no issues shooting because it was either him or her.

Ultimately, she's still a mother && she'll choose her family because having fun with the mob guy is not grounds for anything romantic let alone a future. Like you said, there's no guarantee. If she were a single woman, fuck it, go ahead && take the plunge. She can't afford that.

That's fkn adulting. That's being a mom. She had her fun && now it's back to her real role. I want to see her && Dean grow if that's what the GG writers are doing. Either by really putting Dean in the hot seat && forcing him to learn && try to be the best version of himself because it can happen, or letting them heal respectively && co-parent in a healthy manner.

Surprise, fandom. Life is not about absolutes. It's a spectrum.

(x) 

Oh! Thank you so much for reaching out! It’s such a challenging thing to look at your own behaviour and reflect on prejudices or preconceived notions and ideas, and address them. Even harder to own it! I know that feeling very well, haha, and I think it’s really admirable of you to talk about it. :-)

I agree that I think Beth’s a realistic depiction of womanhood in that she’s a mass of contradictions and flaws and complexity that really leans in to the messiness of what it is just to be a person. She’s in equal parts the victim and victimizer, right and wrong, privileged and disenfranchised, impulsive and smart and self-preserving and selfless. It makes her pretty emotionally rich in a way that I find really compelling.

I totally agree about her relationship and love for Dean too. As much as the interviews for this show are often a mess, I think Christina was right in her BUILD interview where she said Dean and Beth have a broken love. The sorts of relationships that are built not only on childhood, but on trauma too as we saw in the flashback of 4.02 of Beth and Dean’s first ‘date’ being interrupted by Beth’s mother being in the hospital is hugely significant, and creates such a foundation for their relationship, albeit as you said, not a healthy one.

While I totally agree that Rio’s fun for Beth, and that a lot of their relationship is steeped in him making her feel seen, I do think Beth feels a connection with him beyond that as well. I think we saw that in how wounded she was in 2.06 when she saw him with another woman, with how she inserted herself into Rhea and Marcus’ life after shooting him, and how she circles back to him again and again, no matter the circumstances or situation.

But like you said, feeling that connection doesn’t mean she’s going to give him the power to usurp her life.

Beth’s priority has always been in keeping the roof over her children’s head and securing their financial future, as well as gaining her own independence. She’s not going to jeopardise the former, and she’s never going to sacrifice the latter now that she’s found it. Whether it’s just fun, or whether her feelings are real (which again, I do think they are), Beth falling into line with Rio, letting him handle everything, would put her in the exact same situation she was in with Dean and rob her of her agency and the ability to control not just her future but her daily life. There would be benefits to the relationship, sure, but at the same time the stakes would be much higher because Rio’s a gang leader, not a hot tub salesman.

I think Beth is hyper aware of those stakes, and only becoming more so with the current storyline, and the choices she’s making are not just in line with her character and her arc, but I think real ones that women have to make. It might not involve the same level of criminal activity in real life, haha, but women having to make complex, often conflicting choices for not only their children, but for their own security and independence is something that’s a very, very real facet of life as a woman.

I understand not liking Beth, I do! She’s not for everyone! I actually don’t care if people do or don’t like her! But the willful blindness when it comes to what’s at stake for her and the context of her life and relationships is something else.

[formula365]

A thing of the past - Bahrain GP review

In 1973, the Formula 1 season closed with the US Grand Prix at Watkins Glen. The title had already been decided in favour of Jackie Stewart, who had secretly decided to retire at the end of the season, and leave the mantle of leading driver of Tyrrell to his teammate, François Cevert. Stewart would leave at the peak of his powers, with 100 GPs to his name, tired of seeing friends die on track. It had been a dark era for the sport, and there had been an impact on his and his wife’s mental health. It had taken too much of a toll for them to bear it any longer.

As fate would have it, they were in for another sad ending. On the Saturday practice session, Cevert lost control of his car in the Esses, hit the barrier on one side and was sent careening towards the barrier on the other side at an 90 degree angle. The second impact ripped the barrier from the ground; Cevert was killed instantly, from injuries caused by the barrier that was meant to save his life.

A lot has changed since those days, and Stewart was one of the men who most contributed to that. After retirement, he lead a campaign for improved safety in both tracks and cars. It took time for safety to arrive at today’s standards, but F1 can now boast an incredibly positive record. Despite some big shunts, only one driver lost his life in the past 25 years. People like Stewart, Charlie Whiting and Dr. Sid Watkins were instrumental in achieving this remarkable record, and the changes they campaigned for have saved many drivers. 

Romain Grosjean added his name to that list yesterday. As the replays of his accident hit our screens, and the carcass of his survival cell became visible in the wreckage, it was clear that the barrier had given in. His head would have gone straight into the upper section of the barrier, at a speed of over 200km/h; just like his countryman 47 years ago, the car headed to the barrier at close to an 90 degree angle. Had it not been for the halo, the last great measure championed by Whiting before his untimely death, Grosjean would surely not have survived.

But for all that was impressive in how the car, the marshals and the medical car protected and ultimately rescued the driver, there are questions to be asked, particularly about the barrier. Improvements in barrier technology were one of the most important steps towards driver safety; accidents like the one that killed Cevert showed the importance of improving the design and build of the barriers to ensure that they could sustain heavy impacts without breaking apart. Barriers that were supposed to save lives were taking them instead.

Which is why we have to question what happened to Grosjean’s car. The similarities between Grosjean’s and Cevert’s crashes are inescapable, and in both cases the barriers failed to do their job. Yes, the halo saved Grosjean’s life, but the main point should be the fact that the halo should not have been necessary at all. If the barrier had fulfilled its purpose of absorbing the impact and throwing the car back out, the halo would have played no part in this crash at all.

To make matters worse, the way the fail structures of the car are meant to work, once the survival cell was stuck in the guard-rail, the back of the car had nowhere to go and, as it’s meant to do, it split from the monocoque. The violence of the impact and the fact the chassis was wedged between sections of the barrier probably led to the break happening further back in the car structure than it should. (I am in no means an expert in this, so take this sentence with several grains of salt) This, in turn, led to a fuel line rupturing, which led to the fire. The barrier failure not only caused the accident to be more serious than it should have been, it also caused a fire that made the driver escape harder and more dangerous than it should have been.

Don’t get me wrong: I don’t want to diss on the FIA, when their relentless pursuit of safety has significantly contributed to saving many drivers’ lives. Grosjean’s survival was not a matter of luck, or a miracle, as many have said; it was the product of decades of work and science by those in charge of the sport. If news of tragedy are now rare in motorsports, we owe it to them. There is also no way to entirely remove the danger factor off these sports: every time a driver straps themselves to a cockpit, there is always a possibility that it will be their last time.

But certain elements of danger should be a thing of the past, and what happened to Grosjean is definitely one of them. There will certainly be a thorough investigation into the crash and the causes of this failure will come to light. If the past is any indication, the FIA will learn new lessons and will implement new measures to ensure that barriers will be improved and will continue to do their job. Most importantly, I am certain they will ensure that barriers will not endanger drivers’ lives rather than save them.

The comments made by Ross Brawn after the race were very encouraging. Instead of the usual platitudes about what a great job they have done to protect drivers, he talked about the things that did go wrong. It shows that the willingness to admit problems and study solutions has not gone away and that there will be a continued resolve towards protecting the stars of the show.

We should rejoice that Grosjean survived with only minor injuries what was quite possibly the scariest accident of the past 25 years. Witnessing a car burst into flames was something that we thought belonged to the distant past and brought home the stark reality of the risks these super humans take for our entertainment. But we should also not allow such an incredible escape to blind us to glaring problems that led to this big scare in the first place. There were other times in the past in which we were lulled into a sense of false security by miraculous escapes. Let’s not repeat that mistake.

Talking points

•  When the race eventually got underway, it significantly helped to clear the fight for third in the constructors’ championship. What little hopes Renault and Ferrari still had were ended, and Racing Point lost a bag full of points when the chequered flag was in the horizon. Perez had another masterful race, taking third place early on and controlling Albon from a distance. His engine giving up the ghost was a cruel moment for the team, with the despair etched on Otmar Szafnauer’s face and body language in the pit wall.

•  The major beneficiaries of Perez’ misfortune were McLaren, who leapfrogged Racing Point and are now 17 points clear in third. Even without that retirement, they would have still outscored the pink panthers, but this has made them overwhelming favourites in this particular battle. As mentioned in an earlier review, they continue to maximise their results even when they don’t have the fastest car. That ability to get the job done even when the odds are against them is an excellent sign for the team’s future.

•  And Sainz’s race was enormous. P5, coming from P15 on the grid? Bwoah.

•  Daniel Ricciardo, who will replace him at McLaren, left his teammate in the dust once again. The first time he was stuck behind Ocon he asked to be let by on the radio, as he was clearly faster; the team obliged and he quickly left his teammate behind. Later on, after a round of pit stops, he found himself behind Ocon again but this time passed without the assistance of the pit wall. The Frenchman is not a bad driver, but the Aussie’s superb form is making him look vulgar.

•  Albon inherited a spot on the podium, and, after his big crash on FP2, the champagne must have tasted sweet indeed, but it was not lost on anyone how he lost the battle to Perez, the one driver vying for his seat, while driving superior machinery. Nevertheless, it is a moment that can give him a boost of confidence for the final two races and allow him to relieve some of the pressure.

•  When asked after the race about the potential for drivers refusing to drive after witnessing such a terrible accident, Verstappen said that if he was a team boss he would fire them on the spot. The Dutchman’s alpha male attitude is beginning to grate a lot of people the wrong way, especially when his words have such a negative connotation in terms of mental health. It was heartening, though, to see a few of the drivers of the 2019 F2 grid were quick to denounce his words, having lived through something even worse than Grosjean’s crash. There is a different mentality in the new generation of drivers coming through, making Verstappen’s attitude look more and more out of place in today’s motorsports.

•  Pierre Gasly drove another masterclass, this time in terms of tyre management. He was struggling by the end and was saved by the late safety car, but would have nevertheless (quite probably) finished P8 on a one-stop strategy in one of the most tyre abrasive tracks on the calendar. It was risky, but with Perez’ failure at the end, it proved to be a good roll of the dice by AlphaTauri.

•  At the front, nothing new. Hamilton controlled the pace from start to finish, keeping Verstappen at bay and always responding when the Red Bull driver pushed that little bit harder. In the end, the Dutchman had nine of the ten fastest laps of the race, but it was still no match for Hamilton’s consistency over a grand prix distance. Try as he might, his car is no match for the W11 and that is robbing us of a mighty fight between arguably the two best drivers on the grid.

•  Dr. Ian Roberts deserves all the plaudits he is getting, and then some, for the way he ran towards the flames to help Grosjean escape the wreckage. With protective equipment that is far less safe than the drivers’, he still dared to run towards the fire. Enormous bravery.

•  A different type of bravery was shown by the Haas team members, who still had a car running in the race and carried on with their jobs. Even knowing that Grosjean was ok, it must have been difficult to continue their work after that enormous scare. But carry on they did; a special bow to them for that as well.

•  To cap off another miserable weekend in terms of safety, a marshal crossed the track with a fire extinguisher in his hands right in front of Lando Norris’ car. He was trying to reach Perez’ stricken Racing Point, and the safety car had been deployed, so the speed of the cars had been significantly reduced, but this is a risk that simply should not be taken. An eerily similar situation killed Tom Pryce in 1977. And once again, Michael Masi shrugged it off by saying that, while not ideal, we should not castrate (his words, not mine) anyone for trying to help put out a fire. Non-chalant, flippant, callous. I miss Charlie Whiting.

[misterewrites]

Underground Proper (Welcome to the Underground!)

Hello everyone! 2021! WOO! Thank god. I know it's pretty much just arbitrary signal of the passage of time but you gotta enjoy the little things. I hope you are all good, staying safe and sound in these chaotic times. Here is the new chapter which I hope you enjoy. 

It's finally time to enter the Underground proper. Abigail and company had an exciting large send off but the first steps of the journey are at hand and Abigail is quick to realize that leaving the Underground might be harder than she thought.

Reblog, enjoy stay safe tell your friends about it! Wear your masks, wash your hands, have a great week! E out!

and if you want to leave me comments or find an easier way to read it, here’s a link to it on ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27814297/chapters/69919671

The longer Abigail stayed in the Underground, the more realized she was wildly getting further and further out of her depth.

She thought the little walk from the cemetery to town had properly prepared for her trek into the wilds but all it had really done was lure her into a false sense of security.

The tunnel floor was uneven, the ground straightening and sloping at random which nearly caused her to trip once or twice. The path would randomly grow and shrink as well, sometimes becoming so wide that the Swift Slivers could march side by side then without warning becoming so narrow the trio had to fall into a single file line. She jumped at noises that abruptly existed in the tunnel, signs of life or movement echoing further down the path. The air was frigid and moist, reminding Abigail of her town’s harshest winters. She tried to keep track of where the group currently was but that ultimately proved useless as the road would veer slightly left, snaked back and forth, bent at a weird angle and sometimes looped back around, rising or falling with a spiral or slope. Illumashrooms weren’t as plentiful as the town and while it wasn’t pitch dark, Abigail had to squint and focus among the dim light of the occasional mushroom found on the path.

Her dear departed brother Arthur once mentioned how he was not a fan of tight spaces. Claustrophobia the clerics called it. At the time Abigail thought him silly given that they lived in a wide open farm. Here, among the darkness and stony walls of the underground, Abigail understood what he meant more clearly.

Arthur.

Abigail could feel her heart ached terribly at the thought of her brother.

“Watch out here farm girl” Oliver’s voice called from out front.

Abigail snapped back to reality, her hand reaching out for Archibald’s shoulder as the road sloped sharply once more.

Abigail knew the other two were helping her through her first time through the tunnel and she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She was used to being caught flat footed but never to this degree. Well except that one time during Winter’s Solstice. That was just awkward for everyone especially her.

Oliver was ahead, lightly humming the occasional song while calling out warnings about sudden shifts in the road. Archibald walked beside her when the path would allow, offering his hand then shoulder for her to brace herself with.

The boys were clearly no stranger to this way of traveling and while Abigail felt a little embarrassed at her tripping and confusion, she was grateful the two went out of her way to help her. Even Oliver hadn’t sent a pointed barb at her.

“I can see why it takes half day to a day.” Abigail sighed, steadying herself against Archibald “Is it always this rough?”

“Better and worse usually.” Oliver admitted, peering into the shifting shadows ahead “This just one path and since not many people go to West End, it’s usually uncared for here.”

He gestured to a illumashroom plucked from the ground and thrown to its side.

“But” he continued “The other paths are well worn, lot more people and lot more care put into maintaining the roads and the signs. More ways to get where you want too but also more roadblocks and unforeseen circumstances.”

“Mixed bag then.” Abigail huffed.

“Like life” Oliver replied.

Archibald nodded his head in agreement.

“How do you guys get used to it?”

Oliver motioned to himself “Born here.”

Archibald gestured to his sliver hued clothing.

“Right. Silly question.”

Archibald tiled his hand back and forth.

“Ha, thanks Archibald.”

He rose a thumb in response.

“Enough flirting back there.” Oliver shouted “It’s getting late.”

“Is it?”

“We’ve been working for about 6, 7 hours Archie?”

Archibald paused thoughtfully before wordlessly counting his fingers, holding up 7 after a moment.

Abigail glanced at them “Have we? I hadn’t noticed.”

“You will when we stop. Luckily there is a clearing up ahead.”

“Clearing? Like a field or?” Abigail glanced at Archibald who simply gestured forward.

“Clearing.” Abigail whispered in understanding.

Before them was a cavern, wide and spacious whose ceiling couldn’t been seen through the inky darkness. The walls were rough and jagged with the odd crack or smaller tunnel that led away from the beaten path. The faint of smell of ash filled the air as Abigail noticed the various imprints of tents and footsteps scattered across the floor, travelers long past persevered by dust.

“Rest stop” Oliver explained, putting his travel bag on the floor “There’s a couple of these caverns across the roads. Perfect to set up and keep an eye out when resting or sleeping. Usually there’s more people but like I said, no one comes to West End. Willingly at least.”

Abigail rose an eyebrow “You did though.”

If Oliver heard, he made no indication as he began removing things from his bag.

Archibald and Abigail followed suit, making themselves comfortable among the stony floor as they set up for the night.

______

Abigail was quick to realize what Oliver meant when he said she would notice once they stopped.

Once her little sleeping bag had been laid out and she folded up the cloak under her as a comfortable seat, she could feel the exhaustion ebb into her bones.

Abigail huffed tiredly as she took a seat “Wow, I’ve never been that winded before.”

Archibald was hard at work setting a fire pit, finding rocks around and enclosing the various logs of wood within while Oliver plucked at his lute mindlessly, sitting upon on his own pile of clothing for a seat.

“Lack of sun people say. Humans aren’t really suppose to go without it for long periods of time. Luckily a lot of food down here that helps with that.”

Abigail’s stomach rumbled hungrily at the mention of food. She briefly remembering eating snacks throughout the day but not a full meal.

Archibald fished out a piece of jerky from his pack and handed it to Abigail

Abigail smiled gratefully “Thanks.”

Archibald coughed, returning to his work as Oliver searched through his bag.

“Archie, Slimewood?”

He replied with an unhappy face.

“I picked up some Jub steak too.”

The archer nodded happily at the alternative.

“Slimewood? Jub steak?”

Oliver pulled out a carefully wrapped package, laying it to the side as he dug deeper “Food Abigail. I bought some for this road trip.”

“You bought food?? When?!” Abigail couldn’t recall seeing the bard make such a purchase.

“I snuck out after everyone fell asleep. Butcher owed me a favor so I did some midnight shopping.”

“And were you planing on sharing this information?”

“Yes” Oliver admitted “Now when it’s dinner time.”

“Surprisingly nice of you” Abigail murmured suspiciously. “Practical” Oliver corrected “We’re traveling together so the best shot to stay alive is to make sure we’re all well fed and in one peace. Especially this one.”

Oliver pointed at Archibald who beamed with pride.

“Right. Travel companions.”

“Hey you came at me with a knife.” Oliver reminded her.

“After you tried to rob me.” Abigail shot back darkly.

“Thought you were a corpse farm girl.”

Archibald looked back and forth between the two.

“Long story” Abigail offered sympathetically.

Oliver scoffed “I thought she was dead, tried to find something of worth, she came at me with a knife. Not that long of a story farm girl.”

Abigail glared openly at the bard. Oliver shrugged as Archibald finished the fire pit, flames and all.

Abigail sighed happily “Much better.”

“Oi merc, got a pan?”

Archibald nodded and pulled out an old worn frying pan. Oliver took it appreciatively and placed it upon the roaring flame, meat shortly followed after.

“Smells pretty good!”

“As opposed to?”

“I dunno. Not good? I don’t even know what this is!”

“First rule of eating food: Never asked what it’s made of.”

“I live on a farm. I’m aware of that rule.”

Archibald chuckled to himself as he eyed either tunnel entrance carefully for any sign of trouble.

The trio sat in a surprisingly peaceful silence among the crackling of the flame and sizzling of cooked meat.

“I’m surprised you know how to cook” Abigail admitted “Given that you’re a grave robber and a jerk.”

Archibald quietly nodded in agreement.

“Personality traits and old habits are not inductive of my skill set.” Oliver replied, turning the meat over.

“I don’t think I’ve seen a bard do anything besides sing and dance.

Oliver scoffed “They’re not real bards like me. I’m going to be the best and to be that, I need to be varied.”

Abigail couldn’t hide her surprise “So you’re not the best? I thought you burst into flames if you were ever honest.”

“I am honest” Oliver countered “I just decide how much honesty I need to share with people.”

Archibald snorted loudly.

“Yeah yeah” Oliver gestured threateningly with his spoon “Keep it up merc and I’ll burn your piece extra crispy and black.

Archibald rose his hand in surrender.

Abigail chuckled, smiling at her companions. She had forgotten how nice it was to be around people.

“Watch it farm girl” Oliver teased, passing her a plate filled with a well cook steak and odd side dishes “You keep smiling like that people might think we’re friends.”

“Moment of weakness. It’s been a long day.”

Oliver snickered, offering Archibald his plate “As long as we’re on the same page.”

Abigail decided to not reply.

Oliver took a smug pride at the others faces as they bit into their first taste of the sweetish salty meat.

“Not just another bard huh?”

Abigail stuck her tongue out “I’m not going to give you the satisfaction.”

Oliver turned to Archibald “How about you merc? Gonna give me some validation?”

Archibald choked, too caught off guard by the question. He gave a friendly thumbs up before trying to clear his airway.

“No greater compliment than a man choking on your food.” Oliver beamed proudly.

Abigail gently rubbed and patted his back in an attempt to help Archibald. He let out a might cough and smiled sheepishly towards Abigail in thanks.

“You don’t talk much huh?”

He shook his head.

“Not a fan?”

A nod.

“I understand.” Abigail gave a cheery smirk.

Archibald was awfully interested in his plate all of the sudden.

“So” Abigail glanced back towards Oliver “This competition? This isn’t you picking on a bunch of kids for a talent show right? You’re actually competing against real bards in a real competition.”

“Of course.” Oliver waved off her accusatory tone “I’m morally gray, not a bully.”

“You’ve been bullying me just fine.” Abigail murmured with an unhappy edge to her tone.

“It’s how I show tolerance.”

“How about you stop being a jerk and sing for us bard?”

Oliver rubbed his fingers together.

Abigail raised an eyebrow “Seriously? You’re going to charge us?”

“No point to do something for free when you can get paid for it.” Oliver gave impish grin.

Abigail frowned before an idea formed in her head “You know Archibald doesn’t think you can sing at all. He was telling me he thinks you just talk a big game but doesn’t see it.”

Archibald froze, his fork halfway between his open mouth and his plate. His eyes darted back and forth, unsure how he got pulled into this.

Oliver pursed his lips: On one hand he knew Abigail was baiting him given how much of a conversationalist Archibald had been this far. But on the other hand, he could never resist a chance to show off.

“I’m playing” Oliver stated simply as he slid his lute off his back “But because I want to. I need practice if I want to win first place.”

“Oh right sure.” Abigail nodded mockingly

Archibald was still confused.

Notes filled the still cave air. It was a soft tune, slow and peaceful reminding Abigail of a lullaby. The bard closed his eyes, swaying back and forth as his fingers strummed across the strings almost like they were made of air.

“For the one day I have long since gone through my past.” Oliver whispered, his voice gravelly and low “Memories of a place that surely can not last. For far and wide I have long always done roam, watching and seeking where I shall call home.”

The flourish, the rises and drops in the music filled Abigail with some nostalgia she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying: He was by no means perfect given some notes did not fit with the others and she could tell this slow more determined song was not his preferred style but even she had to admit this was nice. Surrounded by people, enjoying songs long into the night.

It was nice to be around people.

______

Abigail yawned tiredly as morning came. Well according to Oliver and Archibald it was morning: In the darkness of the tunnels, it was pretty much impossible to tell what time it actually was.

As they drew closer to the capital, Abigail had a better idea of what Oliver meant by better maintained: While not perfect, the path was well worn yet smooth. The slopes weren’t as drastic or without warning. Once or twice, the road branched off to some other path that shot off in some direction Abigail couldn’t hazard a guess.

“What are these all about?” Abigail motioned to yet another crack in a wall, some smaller tunnel that led off into the darkness.

Archibald guided her away from the opening as Oliver glanced backwards.

“Stay away from those.” Oliver eyed the crack cautiously “We call them sideways because who knows where you’re going to end up.”

“I don’t get it.” Abigail was unable to keep the confusion out of her tone.

“Unexplored tunnels.” Oliver clarified “Well as far as we know. No one knows where they go and they’re very dangerous. If you’re lucky, they’ll just spit you out somewhere on the main road. But no one can really be sure and it’s best not to tempt fate.”

A shiver ran down Abigail’s back as she moved closer to the middle of the road. She was already disoriented and lost on this main road to the capital. She didn’t want to know how would it feel be hopelessly lost in the dark.

Abigail nearly crashed into Oliver, took caught up in her thoughts to realize the bard had stopped dead in the road.

“Wha?!” Abigail flailed in surprise “Oliver! What are you doing?”

“Do you hear that?”

Abigail looked about, unsure what she was supposed to be hearing.

“No, I don’t hear anything.”

“Exactly.”

A sense of dread began to fill Abigail, her breathing becoming labored. Now that she thought of it, this was the first moment in her journey that there was a tense thick silence. Even in the middle of nowhere, she could hear far off noises among the chilly air. Now the air was still with an overwhelming quiet surrounding them.

“Archie?” Abigail called only to find the archer’s eyes darting about, bow ready in his hands.

He pulled her closer, putting her in the middle of himself and Oliver.

“Guys?”

“Not now Abigail.”

Abigail felt the tension growing, some unseen danger that lurked close by, waiting for their chance to strike.

Abigail glanced about, desperately trying to find some sort of clue to what was going on when she spotted it: glowing silver gleams peering through the darkness of the crack.

Something scurried out quickly, it’s claws scraping the stone walls as its form was silhouetted against the dim glow of the tunnel. She tried to make out what exactly it was but its skin or shell or whatever was too dark in this light.

It was small which was a comfort to Abigail though its claws were sharp and dug easily into the floor. It was misshapen that even Abigail, whom was well versed with a variety of animals, couldn’t tell its features. The only that was noticeable besides its claws were its sliver eyes which were smooth and solid.

“What’s that?” Abigail tilted her head quizzically.

“What is…?” Oliver whirled around “ARCHIE!”

“what, wait?” but no sooner the words had left her mouth, the creature let out a horrible shriek. It thundered in her ears with such a volume that it made her dizzy and unsteady.

The creature stood on its hind legs, throat wide open and the shriek slowly growing louder and louder.

Silence came without warning but it was welcomed.

Abigail panted heavily, the ringing almost unbearable as her sight slowly focused.

There was an arrow where the creature once stood.

Abigail turned sideways to find Archibald, sweat on his brow, his breath heavy and uneven.

She let out a sigh of relief “Did I tell you how much I love you?”

Archibald gave a weak smile.

“Move!”

Archibald and Abigail stared back at Oliver who began pulling at their wrist.

“MOVE NOW!!” Oliver shouted, shoving them forward into a desperate run.

Abigail opened her mouth when she heard the sound of dozens of claws wildly scratching and scraping at anything and everything.

The creatures burst forth from the crack or at least Abigail thought they were creatures. She couldn’t tell where one ended and another began. It was a mass of constantly shifting shadows that took odd shapes. It was if the creatures couldn’t agree on what form they should take. The only thing that did not change was the dozens pairs of sliver smooth eyes, their gaze lifeless yet single minded.

Abigail struggled to break into a run. Her feet felt heavy like the floor was pulling her deeper and deeper into the ground. She could feel fear creeping into every inch of her body, threatening to send her into shock as she tried to keep her panic under control.

“I don’t want to die.” Abigail murmured fearfully as her hands grasped deliriously at the air “Not here. Not yet. Mom, dad. Please! Not here! NOT YET!”

She couldn’t hold in the scream, the panic and fear was too much. She could feel the tears running down her cheeks, the whirl of claws closing the distance inch by inch.

There was a quietness that came with the end. A strange sensation of peace, of acceptance. She felt it now amid the fear and panic. She could hear the soft sounds of trumpets in her ears, a familiar song playing in her mind. It took her a moment to recognize the fanfare of the king’s guard, a triumphant march of victory. She always felt safer whenever she heard the blaring of the horns far in the distance.

She took a deep calming breath. Her body no longer felt sluggish and disconnected as the fanfare played faintly in her head.

She could feel Archibald just behind her, the occasional notch of an arrow letting her know he was trying to push back the hoard but not finding much luck.

Abigail looked forward and was not surprised to find Oliver busy at work. The jet black lute glowed with previously unseen blue runes scrawled across its surface. His fingers were furiously strumming across his lute as if their lives depended on it.

They probably did. His song was the only thing keeping the fear at bay.

“Bards.” Abigail muttered under her breath before calling out “How much further to the gate?”

“Not close enough!” Oliver answered, his fingers never stopping “We’re going to have to lose them another way!”

“There is no other way!” Abigail struggled to keep the tears from spilling onto her face.

Oliver cocked his head forward “One but you’re not going to like it!”

“Why?”

“Remember how I told you never to go down sideways?”

Abigail nearly stopped in her tracks but Archibald sprinted past, clasping her hand tight and pulled her forward.

“Yeah we’re going sideways. Straight ahead, get up here Archie!”

Archibald glanced backwards, the massive wall of claws and sliver eyes just a few feet behind.

Oliver whistled to get his attention “We know what’s behind us, I need you to clear what’s ahead or else we’re not going to make it! Get up here merc!”

Archibald let out a shaky breath and pushed further, dragging Abigail close behind.

The trio spotted Oliver’s idea: A split in the path. One path curved to the side, the dimly lit main path that led to Haven’s Nest. The other was not so much a path as it was a void of darkness, a path that sloped downward into the unknown.

“Oliver!” Abigail cried.

“We can die now or we die later!” Oliver firmly answered “And at least later we might not die, now go!”

Abigail nearly let go of Archibald’s hand but the mercenary gave her a comforting squeeze. He turned to her and spoke wordlessly with a simple smile.

I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.

She took a shaky breath but nodded in understanding.

The trio threw themselves at the opening, sailing through the air for a moment before landing with a dull thud onto the stony floor. Before any of them could react, they began sliding forward, the slope pushing them further deep into the dark.

Oliver’s lute dimly lit the tunnel the little they traveled. It must’ve been a heartbeat or two when the group found themselves tumbling across the straighten floor.

“Get up!” Oliver shouted, pulling the other two to their feet “We need to get going.”

“Where!?” Abigail cried “There’s nowhere to go!”

Archibald elbowed Oliver and pointed out a strange silhouette outlined in the darkness of the cavern.

“Is that a house?” Abigail’s voice asked with disbelief “Down here? That’s creepy.”

“And probably bad news.” Oliver admitted as he pushed the two towards the strange house cloaked in shadows “but later is later! Go go go!”

The claws echoed faintly from the tunnel but the trio had already reached the pouch of the home.

It was oddly similar to Abigail’s home though in much worse shape: Faded, splintered wood with dull peeling paint. The windows were blackened out with dust and the house creaked unhappily as they climbed the porch steps. The door swung open by itself and while that gave Abigail pause, Oliver shoved them in, shutting the door behind them and locking it.

“This is a bad idea.” Abigail panted breathlessly.

Oliver wiped the sweat off his brow “Hopefully we’ll live to regret it.”

“I doubt it.” A voice called from the shadows.

Oliver and Archibald threw themselves forward, pushing Abigail behind them in a defensive formation.

The air was thick with creak, creak, creak of heavy boots walking down some unseen stairs.

A figure appeared before them. He was taller than anyone else here with an old tattered riding cloak draping his massive figure. Brown eyes peered curiously under his hood, his thick beard black and gray. His armor was dented and worn with a faded symbol of a sun across his chest.

“You do not know where you roam children.” the stranger’s voice spoke, melodic and deep.

“At least we’re alive right?” Abigail offered hopefully.

“No you were right.” Oliver eyed the stranger’s symbol distastefully “This is was a terrible idea.”

Abigail leaned in, dropping her voice to a whisper “Is he bad news? A thief or murderer or something?”

“Worse.” Oliver glared openly “A paladin.”

[michaeljopetro]

Circumcision of the Soul

I know the Lord is positioning us for the last move. Things in the ministry are moving faster than ever, which means we’re running out of time. Today we're going to find out if God’s judgement is coming on the world or on the church...When we hear about the wrath of God, most churches believe that it is coming on the world, but Scripture teaches us that judgment starts in the house of God (1 Peter 4:17). 

A true Jew is one who has a righteous understanding of the law and keeps it by walking it out spiritually. Deuteronomy 29:29 says that the only way for us to keep the law is to understand the secret through revelation. Paul says that we are spiritual Jews if our heart is circumcised as a sign that we keep the spiritual law, not the letter. Salvation is not based on a prayer or grace; it is based on circumcision (Rom. 2:29). 

In Romans 2:22, Paul rebukes those who thought they were keeping the law: “You who say that one must not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples?” Paul was saying that just because they were abstaining from physical adultery does not mean that they were keeping the righteous requirement of the law. Jesus came and taught if you look at a woman with lust in your heart, it is adultery. So when Jesus came, did He make it easier? Which is harder, to avoid committing physical adultery, or to altogether avoid thinking about it? It is much harder to keep the law in the spirit because it has to do with our conscience, or our way of thinking, which really is our soul.

The problem with the letter of the law is that the physical sacrifices never had the ability to cleanse our conscience (soul). Only holy doctrine has the ability to cleanse the soul. For each one of us, our actions tell us exactly where our soul stands. To deal with your vices, you first have to see which vices you have, and start believing you need to deal with them. The reason people hold onto their vices is they refuse to walk out what they’re learning.

Everything we do reveals what kind of believer we are. Sin is not what you do - it's the way you think. The Lord is trying to change our ways and save us from our old ways, but the problem with being hard hearted is refusing to change. It’s easy to see hard heartedness; it’s that person who is always trying to justify themselves. At this point, if you’re not chasing God, you’re chasing the enemy. You can't say you love God without a passion for Him. That means God comes before anyone else. He has to be your desire, your passion, your everything. 

Our hearts are supposed to shine with the light of the knowledge of the glory of God. Every time revelation comes, the glory is coming in it. Every hidden message that comes out of the Holy of Holies is a part of His glory that has the ability to change and transform the soul. Paul said that when the Old Testament is read a veil lies over their hearts (2 Cor. 3:15). Paul also said that the veil is the flesh. If you have flesh over your heart, that means you need a circumcision of the heart. When the veil is removed, that is called an apocalypse/revelation. Paul said when you turn to Christ the veil is removed (2 Cor. 4:3-4). To turn means to repent. So, if you are reading the Law with a veiled understanding, you are in sin and you need to repent. Repentance is converting to truth which is ultimately what circumcises the heart! 

The prophet Jeremiah was told that if the people refuse to circumcise their hearts they would receive the wrath of God. Paul says that the wrath of God comes on those who suppress the truth. That is not the world as they don’t even know the truth. It is the church that knows the truth but suppresses it (Romans 1 and 2)! God's wrath is revealed from heaven, and up until this point, His wrath has been hidden. Now He is getting ready to reveal it. It's about to happen right here, right now. The Lord has been saying enough is enough. If you don't want to walk in the truth or teach it,  judgment is coming.

The Lord will only circumcise you when you love Him with all your heart and all your soul so that you may live. Scripture tells us that the latter house will be greater than the former house. The church today does not look anything like the Early Church. They were sold out, and many died for the truth. The wrath of God is coming on those who refuse to change and refuse to have their hearts circumcised. If we have just the letter in us, there is no power in it. It’s time to go all in with the Lord, because only then can we set others free.

Sincerely, Apostle Michael Petro

[aion-rsa]

The Best Creepy Horror Movies

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Creepy isn’t the same as scary.

Of course horror movies can be scary simply by using loud noises and sudden movements to make their audiences jump, but creepy is harder to pull off. To be effectively creepy, a film needs to establish a certain atmosphere; it needs to draw you in and make you care. It needs to give you something to think about when you’re trying to drop off to sleep at night; to make you wonder whether that creaking noise down the hallway was just the house settling or something lurking in the shadows. Creepy stays with you. It gives you goosebumps.

Here are 85 of the best horror movies (in no particular order) to chill your bones. Enjoy the nightmares.

Us (2019)

Jordan Peele’s follow up to his award winner Get Out is another social horror. While it might not be quite as accomplished or coherent as Get Out (the end is a bit of a mess) Us is arguably scarier than Get Out as a family staying in a holiday home find themselves tormented by evil replicas of themselves. It’s a film that keeps you constantly on edge with the performances of the main cast – Lupita Nyong’o, Winston Duke, Shahadi Wright Joseph and Evan Alex – absolutely pitch perfect and never less than convincing as good and evil versions of themselves.

It Comes At Night (2017)

Though the marketing material was somewhat misleading, featuring the above scary-looking dude (who really isn’t a big part of the film at all), It Comes at Night, from director Trey Edward Shults is a claustrophobic slow-burner that insidiously ramps up the creep factor. Joel Edgerton plays the patriarch of a family holed up in a cabin in the woods to escape an unnamed wide spread virus. But when a man, his wife and their young child arrive seeking shelter his family life is disrupted. A coming-of-age horror with one of the bleakest endings around.

Mr. Jones (2013)

Nobody knows who Mr. Jones is. The artist is a recluse, but his bizarre sculptures have made him world famous. When a documentary maker and his girlfriend stumble across what looks like his workshop, they become obsessed with finding out the truth about Mr. Jones, but the truth isn’t particularly easy to stomach.

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One of the most stylishly shot found footage movies you’ll ever see, the makers know the rules of the genre well enough that when they break them, it adds to the story rather than detracting from it. Also, those scarecrows are petrifying.

Under the Shadow (2016)

Set in war-torn Tehran in the late 1980s, Under the Shadow sees a would-be doctor battling the forces of evil for her daughter (and her sanity) even as everyone around her flees to safer ground. The juxtaposition of earthly and unearthly threats makes this a uniquely terrifying film, and Shideh (Narges Rashidi) is a wonderfully complex and sympathetic heroine. Not many films could make a sheet of printed fabric terrifying, but Under the Shadow manages it.

Gaslight (1940)

Bella (Diana Wynyard) thinks she’s losing her mind. She keeps losing things, and the lights in her house seem to flicker, even though her husband Paul (Anton Walbrook) tells her he can’t see anything wrong. Plus there are those footsteps upstairs… Just from that description, you might think that Gaslight will turn out to be a haunted house story, but the real explanation for all the weirdness is far more sinister than that. Walbrook does sinister like no-one else.

The Babadook (2014)

A character from a terrifying kids book comes to life to haunt a single mother (Essie Davis) grieving for the loss of her husband in this beautiful, sorrowful meditation on depression and despair. Top-hatted Mr. Babadook with his horrible, terrible grin is of course creepy as all, but Noah Wiseman as her needy and uncontrollable child gives him a run for his money in creepiness.

The Clairvoyant (1934)

Maximus, King Of The Mind Readers (Claude Rains) performs amazing feats of clairvoyance on stage every night in front of adoring audiences. The problem is, it’s fake – the mind-reading is all done through a secret code Maximus has invented to communicate with his assistant wife, Rene (Fay Wray). But one night, he meets Christine (Jane Baxter), and his abilities become real. He really can predict the future. If you’ve already guessed that’ll turn out to be more of a burden than a gift, you’re right. Gorgeously shot, wonderfully acted, this is a creepy delight.

Sleep Tight (2011)

The second Jaume Balaguero film on this list is just as bleak and horrifying as the first: Sleep Tight sees a concierge secretly breaking into the homes of the people he’s supposed to serve to try to make them as miserable as he is. When Cesar (Luis Tosar) finds one tenant is harder to upset than the others, his behaviour escalates until he’s committing unimaginably grotesque crimes against the poor girl. The ending will have you shuddering in your seat.

Lake Mungo (2008)

This strange found footage film from Australia takes the format of a mockumentary focusing on the family of a dead girl who think there are supernatural goings on surround their house. It owes a debt to Twin Peaks in its odd neighborhood vibe, and the twisty plot holds many surprises, as the movie wrong foots the audience time and again. It’s creepy throughout but by the time you finally discover what’s really going on it’s not only terrifying but emotionally devastating too.

Dead of Night (1945)

Probably the best horror anthology ever made, this Ealing Studios production includes five individual stories and one wrap-around narrative. The wrap-around sees a consultant arrive at a country home only to find that he recognizes all of the guests at the house – he’s seen them all in a dream.

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A Short History of Creepy Dolls in Movies

By Sarah Dobbs

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Annabelle: Real-Life Haunted Dolls to Disturb Your Dreams

By Aaron Sagers

Spooked, the guests start recounting their own stories of the uncanny, each more unnerving than the last. Well, except for the one about the golfers, but that one’s just there for light relief before the film hits you with the scariest ventriloquist’s dummy ever committed to film. Just excellent, all round.

Hereditary (2018)

One of the most truly harrowing movies of recent years is Hereditary, the feature debut from Ari Aster. Toni Collette stars as a mother trying to hold together her family in the aftermath of a tragedy while around her supernatural goings on begin to escalate.

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By David Crow

Hereditary has been called The Exorcist for a new generation, though it’s so much more than that. In fact at times, Hereditary is almost too scary, so oppressive is it’s escalating anguish and dread. This one is pure nightmare fodder.

Nina Forever (2015)

Rob (Cian Barry) can’t get over his ex-girlfriend. Nina (Fiona O’Shaughnessy) died in a car crash, which is bad enough, but when he tentatively begins a relationship with his co-worker, Holly (Abigail Hardingham), he finds himself haunted by Nina. Literally. She materializes in his bed every time he and Holly have sex – she might be dead, but she’s not letting go.

“Creepy” doesn’t feel like a strong enough word to describe this film – “devastating” might do it. It’s a sensitive and horrifying portrayal of grief, with a sense of humour as dark as the inside of your eyelids, and some extremely upsetting gore. Brilliant, but not one for the faint-hearted.

Robin Redbreast (1970)

When she moves away from London to a tiny country cottage, Norah (Anna Cropper) expected the change to be a bit strange, but nowhere near as weird as it ultimately turns out to be. As she gets to know the locals, she finds herself being pushed towards a relationship with karate-loving Rob (Andrew Bradford), and while she’s initially game, she soon discovers that her choices are being made for her. It’s a little bit Wicker Man, a little bit Rosemary’s Baby, and a lot of creepiness.

It Follows (2014)

Inspired by a reccuring nightmare director David Robert Mitchell had in his youth,It Follows is a clever, freaky take on the slasher movie, featuring, well, a sexually transmitted ghost. Maika Monroe plays a young woman haunted by a shape shifting spectre after a sexual encounter who slowly but relentless trails her everywhere – the film plays with the audience expertly, making us guess whether background characters could really be the monster. Ultra modern and highly effective, this one will leave you jumping at shadows long after the credits roll.

The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

A tyrannical landowner is plagued by, well, a literal plague in Roger Corman’s adaptation of an Edgar Allan Poe story. Vincent Price plays the Satanic Prince Prospero, who rules over his village with an iron fist, condemning people to death for the mildest offence and abducting any woman who takes his fancy, but all of his evils come back to haunt him when he throws a masked ball and Death shows up. Fittingly, it’s got the hallucinogenic quality of a fever dream, and the various incarnations of Death are wonderfully creepy.

As Above, So Below (2014)

A group of explorers heads deep into the Paris catacombs, only to find they’ve gone a little too deep and stumbled into an alternate dimension that might actually be Hell. It’s a brilliantly over the top concept, and the way it plays out is incredibly eerie. Yes, it’s found footage, and yes, it’s a little bit on the silly side – it chucks in quotes from Dante and a few too many sad-faced ghosts – but some of the scares along the way are properly frightening. Suspend your disbelief and let it freak you out.

Oculus (2013)

Eleven years ago, Alan (Rory Cochrane) bought an antique mirror… and then died, along with his wife. According to the police, they were murdered by their 10-year-old son. According to their daughter, the mirror is haunted, and something supernatural caused their deaths. Now Tim (Brenton Thwaites) is out of prison, Kaylie (Karen Gillan) wants to prove he was innocent by conducting an experiment on the mirror… But inadvertently puts both of them in danger all over again.

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It’s chilling. The way director Mike Flanagan plays with reality, building unbearable uncertainty through camera angles and false memories, makes this film both incredibly scary and impossibly sad.

The Witch (2015)

After being cast out of a New England plantation for not interpreting scripture in the same way as the colony’s elders, a family strikes out alone, and soon discovers how inhospitable their unfamiliar new home country can really be. The Witch is a period piece, and the language is suitably archaic, but don’t let that put you off: it’s a brilliantly chilling portrayal of Puritan life, where belief can mean the difference between life and death, and horror is only ever one failed crop away.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

The Amityville Horror is the haunted house story. If you were only ever going to watch one haunted house movie, it should be this one, because this is the archetypal story: a family moves into a house where horrible murders happened, and then bad things happen to them. It manages a lot of things later imitators didn’t, though, which is that it makes the Lutzes’ decision to buy the house make sense, and also builds the horror slowly, so that they almost don’t notice when the things going wrong in the house switch from annoying issues to outright horror. If you’ve moved house in recent memory, this one’ll hit you where it hurts.

The Conjuring (2013)

If you were only ever going to watch two haunted house movies, the second one should definitely be The Conjuring. James Wan’s ode to ’70s horror has plenty in common with The Amityville Horror, but it also has plenty of ideas of its own – and at least half a dozen moments that’ll make your heart leap into your mouth.

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The camerawork, the music, the cute kids stuck in the middle of epic spiritual warfare… it all adds up to a completely terrifying experience. You’ll probably need to sleep with a nightlight for a week afterwards.

The Changeling (1980)

George C. Scott stars as Dr. John Russell in this classic ghost story, which is a favorite of The Others director Alejandro Amenabár. Following the tragic demise of his wife and son, Dr. Russell moves into a rambling Victorian mansion to compose music and pick up the pieces of his life. He’s soon being woken by relentless booming sounds coming from the heating system, precisely at 6am every day… Then there’s the old “apparition in the self-filling bath” trick (actually, this may be the first time this happened onscreen, but it sure won’t be the last).

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This is one of those movies which hits up all the clichés: people go into the dark, gloomy attic to search for clues, and to the library to look up old news archives on the microfiche; they visit the graveyard, and finally, hold a séance (which is overwhelmingly creepy). The eerie soundtrack and skilful storytelling result in a film which peels back its mysterious layers slowly for a satisfying finish.

The Hallow (2015)

If you go down to the woods today, make sure you don’t steal anything or break anything, or the Hallow will get you. Tree surgeon Adam and his family move into an ancient farmhouse to start sizing up the land for developers and quickly fall afoul of the supernatural creatures lurking in the trees, which turns out to be a really bad idea. This film’s got it all: foreboding mythology, grotesque body horror, and the most amazing line of foreshadowing dialogue you’ll ever hear.

The Uninvited (1944)

A couple of Londoners holidaying in Cornwall stumble across a gorgeous abandoned house on the seafront and immediately decide they want to buy it. The owner, a grumpy old colonel, is happy to sell it to them on the spot, but his granddaughter is reluctant. Turns out the house has got secrets, and, yeah, a ghost. The dialogue in this film is incredible in a very 1940s kind of way, and the tone can occasionally be accused of jolliness, but it’s also got its moments of proper creepiness. Best enjoyed with a glass of sherry.

Saint Maud (2019)

One of the best movies of the year, Rose Glass’s feature debut is a study of a young palliative care nurse who starts to believe she’s on a mission from God to save the soul of her dying patient.

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Saint Maud and the True Horror of Broken Minds and Bodies

By Rosie Fletcher

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Saint Maud Review: Elevated Horror That’s a Revelation

By Rosie Fletcher

It’s a film about conflicts between mind, body and soul, but it leans her into genre territory as Maud (Morfydd Clark) hear God talking to her directly and punishes her own body in an attempt to feel closer to her spiritual side, while the cancer riddled Amanda (Jennifer Elhe) celebrates her body as it lets her down. Shot in Scarborough everything about Saint Maud is unsettling right up to the indelible finale. An absolute must watch.

Crimson Peak (2015)

Director Guillermo del Toro insists that Crimson Peak isn’t a horror film but is, instead, a gothic romance. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t creepy as all get-out, though. When aspiring author Edith Cushing (Mia Wasikowska) meets charming baronet Thomas Sharpe (Tom Hiddleston), she falls madly in love and agrees to move back to his ancestral home, Allerdale Hall – aka Crimson Peak. But the house is crumbling and full of ghosts, and Sir Thomas’s sister doesn’t seem terribly friendly, either…

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Del Toro’s visual flair is in full effect here, and every frame of this film (even the scary ones) are stunningly beautiful to look at. It’s a treat.

Baskin (2015)

A group of cops answers a call from the middle of nowhere and unwittingly stumble into something that can only be described as ���a nightmare’ in this skin-crawlingly nasty Turkish horror. Abrasive, aggressive and deliberately difficult, this is the kind of film that burrows deep into your brain, only to resurface later at the worst possible time. Then again, by the time you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere with only dead colleagues and Silent Hill-style monsters for company, you probably don’t need memories of a horror movie to freak you out.

His House (2020)

A Netflix movie which could make a mark come award’s season the directorial debut of Remi Weekes sees a Sudanese refugee couple seek housing in London only to find themselves haunted by ghosts of the past and present. This is proper horror and it’s creepy as hell but it also leans into the horror of the refugee situation with the two marginalized, restricted, and treated as outsiders from the start – it’s a powerful but uncomfortable watch.

Host (2020)

The defining horror of 2020 – written, shot, edited and released on Shudder in just 12 week – Host is so much more than a lockdown gimmick. Following a group of friends who decide to do a seance via a Zoom chat, this ingenious movie trades on the real life friendships of the cast and crew and the absolute ubiquity of the video software during isolation. It’s seriously creepy too, utilising visions in the shadow but later some seriously impressive stunt work. Director Rob Savage and writer Jed Shepherd have signed up for a three picture deal from Blumhouse on the strength of this movie which absolutely needs to be seen.

The Haunting (1963)

Not to be confused with the remake of 1999, this retro gem not only features some classic sequences of spooky happenings, but a philosophical take on the paranormal. As John Markway says, “The preternatural is something we don’t have any natural explanation for right now but probably will have someday – the preternatural of one generation becomes the natural of the next. Scientists once laughed at the idea of magnetic attraction; they couldn’t explain it, so they refused to admit it exists.

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TV

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By Chris Longo

Dr. Markway (Richard Johnson) is investigating the mysterious Hill House, whose inhabitants often die in odd circumstances. With him he has Luke (Russ Tamblyn), the cynical heir to the home, the psychic Theo (Claire Bloom, way too cool for school) and Julie Harris as Eleanor, who has some ghosts of her own but figures a free stay in a mansion is as close to a holiday as she’s going to get. Markway is pleased the ladies haven’t done any research into the bad reputation of the house “So much the better. You should be innocent and receptive.” (The old dog.) This is a great, character-driven story with a dry sense of humor, and a mysterious heroine who feels oddly at home with the supernatural.

Unfriended (2014)

A cautionary tale about the dangers of cyberbullying, Unfriended achieves the seemingly impossible and manages to make the standard sound effects of everyday computer programs terrifying. The whole story is told through one character’s desktop, so you get to watch as she Skypes with her friends, posts to Facebook, or picks something to listen to on Spotify. The details are fascinating, and it’s kind of brilliant how the filmmakers manage to express so much about a character through her browser bookmarks and the messages she types, but doesn’t send. Once the horror kicks in, though, you’ll be too scared to notice much more of the cleverness.

Shutter (2004)

Jane (Natthaweeranuch Thongmee) is driving back from a wedding with her boyfriend Tun (Ananda Everingham) when she hits a girl – in a panic, they leave the body lying in the road and try to get on with their lives. They start feeling rattled when Tun’s photography is blighted by misty shadows and they both suffer from the odd hallucination which seems to show that their hit and run victim (Achita Sikamana) isn’t resting in peace.

Where would horror films be without photographic dark rooms? Even in the digital age, the dim red light and slowly emerging pictures remain classic tools of terror. Not to mention the room with rows of jars containing pickled animals, and the surprise homage to Psycho. This story has it all. There are also touches of dark humor throughout (the praying mantis is a recurring motif) and one of the most bone-chilling scenes has a hilarious payoff.

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By Gene Ching

Directors Banjong Pisanthanakun and Parkpoom Wongpoom skilfully create real characters and have the ability to communicate some of the most powerful and eloquent moments without dialogue.  The mystery deepens as more sinister evidence comes to light and the climax is truly chilling. This is one which will stay with you long after Halloween.

Spider Baby (1967)

The Merrye children live out in the middle of nowhere, with only one another and their family chauffeur, Bruno (Lon Chaney Jr) for company. Which is for the best, because they’re all afflicted with the family curse – a bizarre quirk of genetics that causes members of the Merrye family to begin to de-evolve once they reach a certain age. When some distant relatives come to visit, intending to challenge the kids’ right to stay in the house, things go sour fast. It’s a horror comedy, this one, but if you’re not a little bit creeped out by Virginia (Jill Banner), the Spider Baby of the title, and her spider game, well, good luck to you.

What Lies Beneath (2000)

Robert Zemeckis directs Michelle Pfieffer and Harrison Ford in this glossy supernatural thriller, with predictably high quality results. Clare and Norman Spencer live the perfect life – especially now their daughter has left for college and they’re enjoying empty nest syndrome. But the neighbors are causing some concern – especially when the wife disappears and Claire believes she is trying to communicate with her from “the other side.”

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By David Crow and 1 other

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Zemeckis has admitted that this is his homage to Hitchcock, and true to form, the suspense builds deliciously slowly. When Claire starts seeing faces in the bathtub (where else?) she goes to talk it over with a psychiatrist. A session with a Ouija board proves that somebody is trying to contact Claire, and it’s not long before she’s stealing keepsakes from grieving parents and reading books with chapters helpfully entitled “Conjuring the Dead.”

The result is a strong movie whether you’re enjoying the ghost story or the “Yuppies in peril in a beautiful house” aspect of it (and it doesn’t hurt that Michelle looks luminously beautiful).

Cat People (1942)

Serbian immigrant Irena doesn’t have a friend in the world when she meets Oliver. He’s kind and attentive and they soon fall in love, despite Irena’s lack of physical affection. She’s convinced she’s living under a curse that will mean she’ll transform into a panther and kill any man she kisses, and despite seeing a (deeply inappropriate) psychiatrist, she can’t shake her beliefs. Oliver is initially patient but eventually finds himself falling for his much more reasonable colleague, Alice. There’s no way this love triangle can end happily and, well, it doesn’t. Cat People is sad as well as eerie, with an increasingly paranoid atmosphere enhanced by skillful shadow play.

The Nameless (1999)

Five years after her daughter Angela went missing, presumed dead, Claudia starts getting weird phone calls. A female voice claims to be Angela, and begs her mother to save her. A series of weird clues leads Claudia to investigate a weird cult… but when things slot into place too easily, it seems like someone might be luring her into a trap. Thematically, The Nameless is similar to Jaume Balaguero’s later film Darkness; there’s a similar feeling of hopelessness and despair, a creeping horror that doesn’t let up, topped off with a horribly downbeat ending. Brrrr.

Dead End (2003)

The Harrington family are driving home for Christmas when they decide to take a shortcut. Obviously, that turns out to be a bad idea. Picking up a mysterious hitchhiker is an even worse idea. Dead End isn’t a particularly original movie, and it does have a truly awful ending, but there’s something about its characters, its atmosphere, and the way it tells the well-worn story that’s really effective. And creepy, of course.

The Others (2001)

Every ghost story introduces an element of uncertainty: are these things really happening, or are they in your head? Like The Innocents, The Others is partly inspired by Henry James’ novella The Turn Of The Screw. Grace (Nicole Kidman) has turned being neurotic into a fulltime job; her children apparently suffer from a sensitivity to light, which means the gothic mansion they inhabit must be swathed in thick curtains at all times. This makes things difficult for the new servants, who have turned up in a most mysterious manner… 

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Grace’s daughter has an imaginary playmate called Victor; her insistence that there are “other people” in the house vexes Grace until she begins to hear them, too. A piano playing by itself, shaking chandeliers and some truly traumatic hallucinations add to the panic as Grace questions exactly who she is sharing her home with. The tension builds to almost unbearable heights before a truly haunting ending. An intelligent script with a superb twist, quality acting and an atmospheric set (complete with graveyards, mist and autumn leaves) – what more could you want in a creepy movie?

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

“It is happening, and no one is safe.” Night of the Living Dead features some of the most brilliantly ominous radio broadcasts in all horror. When a group of strangers end up trapped in an isolated farmhouse together after the dead begin to rise, no one is in the mood for making friends, and it’s their own prejudices and stubbornness that leads to their downfall. (Well, that, and the fact that no one realized getting bitten by a ghoul would lead to death and reincarnation. Oops.)

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The zombie imagery is some of the most haunting ever committed to film, as vacant-eyed ghouls wander in and out of the shadows, chewing on dismembered body parts as they lurch around, constantly in search of fresh meat…

Candyman (1992)

Say his name five times into a mirror and the Candyman appears. Despite his sweet-sounding name, that’s not something you really want to do: Daniel Robitaille was a murdered artist, stung to death by bees in a racist attack, and so he tends not to be in a good mood when he shows up. Set in an urban tower block, this film demonstrates that horror can strike anywhere, not just in spooky old mansions in the middle of the countryside. It’s gory, grimy, and really quite disturbing.

M (1931)

A child murderer is stalking the streets of Berlin and, as the police seem unable to catch him, tensions run high. In an attempt to stop the nightly police raids, the town’s criminals decide to catch the killer themselves, and a frantic chase begins. Though there’s no actual onscreen violence, Peter Lorre is amazingly creepy as the whistling killer, and there’s a sense of corruption pervading the whole film. (Since both Lorre and Fritz Lang, the director, fled the country in fear of the Nazis soon after the film was made, it’s tempting to speculate on what M might be saying about Germany at the time, which only makes it all the creepier.)

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

An early example of the found footage genre, The Blair Witch Project has been aped and parodied by everyone and their grandma, but there’s something unsettling about it that hasn’t quite gone away. Most of the film is improvised; the actors are really filming the scenes themselves, working from a loose outline of the plot, but without prior knowledge of what half the scares were going to be. That ambiguous ending lets you make up whatever explanation you like for the events of the film, which means whatever the scariest thing you can think of is, that’s what the film is about.

The Orphanage (2007)

Laura (Belén Rueda) is returning to her childhood orphanage with her husband and son in order to open it as a care home for children with disabilities. She’s busy, but still has time to notice that seven year old Simón (Roger Príncep) has found an imaginary friend, Tomas. He might have a sack over his head, but what’s a little creepy mask between pals?

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Simón is adopted, so it’s only a little odd when a social worker shows up without an appointment. It’s slightly more odd that she’s snooping around in the shed at night. During a daytime party, Laura has an encounter of her own with a masked child, and then experiences every parent’s nightmare: Simón is missing. What follows is the story of a mother who takes the search for her son to the limits of her sanity. Geraldine Chaplin makes an appearance as the medium who conducts possibly the most spine-tingling of all onscreen séances, and there are some truly terrifying shocks during Laura’s search for the truth.

Director JA Bayona makes every shot count; the movie is visually beautiful as well as fantastically sinister. It’s a bona fide horror film but the ending might make you cry.

Ring (1998)

Ring isn’t a perfect film. It’s a bit too long and ponderous and there’s a bit too much irrelevant mysticism in there. But in terms of pure creepiness, it’s pretty damned effective. The idea of a cursed videotape was brilliant – who didn’t have zillions of unmarked VHS tapes lying around the house at the time? – and that climactic scene where the image on the screen crossed over into reality is bloodcurdling. Sneaky, too, since it managed to suggest that no one was safe. Especially not you, gentle viewer, because didn’t you just watch that cursed tape, too? An awful lot of people must have breathed a sigh of relief once their own personal seven-day window was over.

The Innocents (1961)

Based on Henry James’ The Turn of the Screw, this film sees a young governess heading out to an isolated old house to take care of two young children who appear to be keeping secrets from her. Their previous governess died, along with another of the house’s servants, but their influence still seems to be lingering about. Or is it? Just like in the original story, it’s possible to read the ghosts either as genuine spectres or as the fevered imaginings of an over-stressed and under-sexed young woman. Either way, though, the film is terrifying.

The Skeleton Key (2005)

In a decaying house on an old plantation, an old man is dying. Caroline is hired as his carer, but although her job should be simple enough, she begins to suspect that something weird is going on – especially when she finds a secret room in the house’s attic filled with spell books and other arcane bits and bobs.

Is the old man actually under a spell? Why does he seem so terrified of his wife? And might Caroline herself be in danger? The Skeleton Key is one of those films that’s far better than it has any right to be; it slowly ratchets up the tension to a crazy finale and ends on an incredibly creepy note.

Insidious (2010)

Insidious uses just about every trick in the book to creep out its audience, and for some people, that might seem like overkill. There are lurking monsters around every corner; there’s a child in peril; there are wrong-faced nasties; and there are screeching violins every five minutes. On repeat viewings, the plot doesn’t quite hold up (halfway through, the film switches protagonists, which is baffling) and the comedy relief seems grating rather than funny. But the carnival atmosphere, the nods to silent German Expressionist films, the demon’s bizarre appearance, that dancing ghost… there’s something brilliant about it, nonetheless.

Dark Water (2002)

Part of the initial wave of soggy dead girl movies, Dark Water is occasionally very daft, but still effectively creepy. Yoshimi Matsubara is a divorcee, forced by circumstances to move into a crumbling apartment block with her young daughter, Ikuko. Their new home isn’t in the nicest of areas, but it might be alright if it weren’t for the leaky ceiling – and, um, that creepy little girl lurking in the shadows, the one who’s never there when you take a second look. Directed by Hideo Nakata and based on a book by Koji Suzuki, Dark Water might not be as terrifying as Ring, but it’s still pretty eerie.

A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

The effects are dated, and the sequels utterly killed Freddy Krueger’s menace, but the first A Nightmare on Elm Street film is still creepy, in its way. The premise is amazingly disturbing – a dead child molester is attacking children in their dreams – and, combined with some of the deeply weird nightmare imagery in this film, it’s more than enough to give anyone a few sleepless nights. All together now: one, two, Freddy’s coming for you…

Uzumaki (2000)

Slowly, inexplicably, a small town is taken over by spirals. Some people become obsessed; others are killed, their bodies twisted into impossible positions. Uzumaki is a live action adaptation of the manga of the same name, and it’s incredibly weird. Unspeakably weird. Visually, it’s incredible, although the green filters look less interesting than they used to due to overuse by every horror and sci-fi movie since. Still, most films don’t go to the extremes that Uzumaki does.

The Devil’s Backbone (2001)

Yup, it’s another soggy dead kid movie, but this time the kid is a boy and the action is set in civil war-era Spain. A young boy is sent to a creepy orphanage, where the other boys scare one another by telling stories about the resident ghost, Santi, who was killed when the orphanage was bombed. Written and directed by Guillermo del Toro, this isn’t your average ghost story – it’s a companion piece to Pan’s Labyrinth, but it’s much more of a horror movie than its better known counterpart.

The Vanishing/Spoorloos (1988)

Saskia and Rex are on holiday when Saskia suddenly, inexplicably, disappears. Rex dedicates his time to trying to find her, but to no avail. He can’t move on, can’t live with the uncertainty, so when Saskia’s kidnapper reveals himself and offers to show Rex what happened to her, his curiosity wins out. It’s a simple yet eerie story with an utterly devastating ending.

Audition (1999)

Takashi Miike’s Audition is more often described as extremely disturbing rather than creepy, but if you can get over that ending (which, let’s be honest, most of us watched through our fingers or from behind a cushion while shouting “NO NO NO NO NO” at the screen), the rest of the film may well creep you out. It starts off slow: a middle-aged man is thinking about dating again, but rather than trying to meet women via traditional methods, he holds a series of fake auditions for a non-existent movie. He meets Asami, a shy dancer, and starts wooing her – but Asami isn’t as sweet and innocent as she seems. Pretty much every character in this movie is an awful person, and the way they treat one another is disturbing on many, many levels.

One Missed Call (2004)

Also directed by Takashi Miike, One Missed Call is a parody of the endless string of soggy dead girl movies made in Japan at the time. But somehow it’s still really creepy. The premise is that, as the title suggests, teenagers are receiving missed calls on their mobile phones. The mystery caller leaves a horrifying voicemail: the sound of the phone’s owner screaming in agony. And since the call came from the person’s own phone, and appears to come from a few days in the future, it’s clearly a sign of impending doom. Sure enough, the kids all die just as the missed call predicted. There’s a nasty little backstory about evil little girls, and a bonkers televised exorcism, and generally, it’s a great film whether you love or loathe stories about scary dead kids.

The Last Man on Earth (1964)

You might’ve thought about how you’d survive the apocalypse, but have you ever stopped to consider whether it’s actually worth doing? In The Last Man On Earth, Vincent Price is the only survivor of a mysterious plague that’s turned the rest of humanity into walking corpses, hungry for his blood. Every day, he tools up and goes out to kill the bloodsuckers; every night, they surround his house and try to kill him. It’s a dismal way to live, and a depressingly eerie film. It’s based on Richard Matheson’s novel I Am Legend – so skip the Will Smith adaptation and watch this instead.

A Tale Of Two Sisters (2003)

Part melodramatic family drama, part psychological horror, A Tale Of Two Sisters is all scary all the time. When a pair of sisters return from a mental hospital, having been traumatised by their mother’s death, they find their new stepmother difficult to adjust to. The nightly visitations from a blood-dripping ghost don’t help, either. But as always in these kinds of films, nothing is what it seems – you might need a second viewing to get your head round the ending.

Night of the Hunter (1955)

Robert Mitchum might have claimed not to be interested in movies or acting, but he’s great in this. As Harry Powell, a bizarrely religious conman, he’s terrifying, whether he’s preaching about the evils of fornication or chasing the children of his latest victim across the country in an attempt to steal a stash of money he knows they’re hiding. The use of light and shadow in this movie is just stunning; the first time Powell arrives at the Harper house is a particular highlight. Robert Mitchum’s singing voice isn’t half bad, either.

Peeping Tom (1960)

Peeping Tom was so controversial when it was released that it effectively ended director Michael Powell’s career. It’s violent, voyeuristic, and since it tells a story from the villain’s point of view; it’s entirely unsavoury. And it’s wonderful. It looks great, it has an amazingly twisted (and tragic) plot, and Carl Boehm is brilliant as Mark, the awkward, mild-mannered psychopath who feels compelled to murder as a result of his father’s deranged experiments. (That’s not a spoiler, by the way – but if I told you how he killed his victims, that might be.)

Psycho (1960)

Happily, 1960’s other movie about a disturbed serial killer was less of a career-killer. Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho is wonderful, sodden with guilt and tension right from the opening scene. It’s a shame that so many of its twists are so well-known now, because watching this without knowing what was going to happen must have been brilliant. It’s still great – beautiful to watch, genuinely tense and frequently unnerving – but it has lost some of its shock value over the years. (Also, the bit at the end where the psychiatrist explains everything in great detail is utterly superfluous.) Anthony Perkins’ final twitchy, smirky scene is seriously creepy though.

City Of The Dead / Horror Hotel (1960)

Getting the timing of a holiday wrong can have disastrous consequences, as City Of The Dead illustrates. Nan Barlow is a history student who, under the tutelage of Christopher Lee’s Professor Driscoll, becomes fascinated with the history of witchcraft, and decides to visit the site of a famous witch trial… but she arrives in town on Candlemas Eve, probably the most important date in the witches’ calendar. Um, oops.

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City Of The Dead is often compared to Psycho, and there are enough similarities between the films that you could assume it was a cheap rip-off – but though the campy US retitling supports that assumption, this was actually made before Hitchcock’s motel-based chiller. It’s definitely creepy enough to be worth watching on its own merits.

Village Of The Damned (1960)

For no apparent reason, one day every living being in the English village of Midwich falls unconscious. For hours, no one can get near Midwich without passing out. When they wake up, every woman in the village finds herself mysteriously pregnant. Obviously, their children aren’t normal, and something has to be done about them… Based on John Wyndham’s novel The Midwich Cuckoos, Village Of The Damned is more of a sci-fi movie than a horror movie – but it’s super creepy nonetheless.

Dolls (1987)

Re-Animator director Stuart Gordon toned things down a bit for this creepy fairy tale, but not much. When a group of awful human beings are forced to spend the night in the home of a couple of ancient toymakers, they soon get their comeuppance at the hands of – well, the title gives that away, doesn’t it? You’ll never look at Toys R Us in the same way again.

The Woman In Black (1989)

When a reclusive old lady dies in an isolated house out in the marshes, a young lawyer is sent to sort out her estate. But there’s something weird about her house, and the townspeople aren’t keen on helping sort things out, either. The TV version of this movie is far, far creepier than the Daniel Radcliffe version; there’s one moment in particular that will etch itself on your brain and continue to creep you out for years after you see it…

The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974)

Beautifully shot with a great score, The Perfume of the Lady in Black is a dreamy, unsettling film where nothing is ever as it seems. The wonderfully named Mimsy Farmer plays Sylvia, a scientist haunted by melancholy and hallucinations. She’s never quite recovered from her mother’s suicide, and when she goes to a party where talk turns to witchcraft and human sacrifice, her sanity starts to unravel. But are her problems really all in her head, or is there something else going on? The film doesn’t reveal its secrets until the very end, when all that creepiness pays off spectacularly.

May (2002)

May was always a weird child, and unfortunately she’s grown into a weird adult, too. Unable to form any meaningful relationships with the people around her – not even a class of blind children she thinks might be kinder to her than the people who can see how strange and awkward she is – May decides she’ll need to take this “making a friend” business into her own hands. Dark and twisted and incredibly gory, May is as sad and sweet as it is creepy. A lot of that is attributable to Angela Bettis, whose performance is adorably unnerving.

Nosferatu (1922)

In this unauthorised take on Dracula, the evil Count is depicted not as a tragic or romantic anti-hero, but as a horrifying embodiment of the plague – complete with an entourage of rats. Max Schreck makes a brilliantly weird-looking vampire, all teeth, ears and fingernails; his shadow is especially unnerving. Although the ending as presented seems a little abrupt, it’s conceptually horrifying – as is the fact that, due to a copyright claim filed by Bram Stoker’s estate, all but one copy of this movie was destroyed back in the 1920s.

Vampyr (1932)

In a spooky old inn, Allan Grey is visited in the night by an old man who leaves him a gift-wrapped book, with instructions to open it only on the occasion of the man’s death. Which turns out to be soon. The book explains that the town is plagued by vampires – and, helpfully, gives instructions on how to kill them. Vampyr is an early sound film, so while there is some sound and a little dialogue, most of the silent film conventions are still in place. It has a fairly straightforward, Dracula-esque story, but the plot’s not the point. It’s a deliberately strange film, full of disembodied dancing shadows and weird dream sequences; there’s something almost otherworldly about it.

Dracula (1931)

Bela Lugosi is the definitive Dracula. With his eerie eyes and wonderful accent, he’s brilliantly threatening as the charming Count, but despite his iconic performance here, he’s not the creepiest thing about this film. Nope, that honor goes to Dwight Frye’s portrayal of Renfield, the lunatic spider-eater under Dracula’s control. He’s amazing, all awkward body language and hysterical laughter. Lugosi’s oddly cadenced speech has been emulated and parodied a zillion times, which takes away some of its power; Frye’s performance, on the other hand, is just downright disturbing.

White Zombie (1932)

A year after Dracula, Bela Lugosi starred as Murder Legendre, an evil voodoo master, in one of the first ever zombie movies. The zombies here aren’t flesh-eating ghouls but obedient slaves, working tirelessly in Legendre’s mill. Even when one of them tumbles into a grinder, work doesn’t stop. When the plantation owner goes to Legendre for help winning the heart of the girl he loves, he’s handed a dose of the zombie potion – and now the only way to break Legendre’s spell over the innocent girl is to kill him. Lugosi is suitably menacing, and the drone-like zombies are properly eerie.

The Cursed Medallion/The Night Child (1975)

For a few years, in 1970s Italy, Nicoletta Elmi was the go-to creepy kid. She pops up in Mario Bava’s Bay of Blood and Baron Blood, and in Dario Argento’s Deep Red, among others, but she’s never more creepy than she is in The Cursed Medallion. Here, she plays Emily, the daughter of an art historian who’s making a documentary on demons in paintings. She’s given a medallion but, as the title suggests, it’s cursed, and she ends up possessed by the spirit of a murderess. It’s atmospheric, lovingly photographed and, of course, Elmi is awesome in the lead role.

The Descent (2005)

A group of friends go off on a spelunking holiday, but get more than they bargained for when it turns out that the caves they’re exploring are dangerous in more ways than one. There’s enough time spent on character development that you really feel it when the group starts to get thinned out; there’s some incredibly painful-looking gore; and there are some amazingly freaky monsters. Watch it in a darkened room to make the most of its wonderfully claustrophobic atmosphere.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

The shine might’ve come off this movie because the Paranormal Activity franchise has become Lionsgate’s new one-every-Halloween cash cow, but there’s something deliciously creepy about this movie. Rewatching it now, even knowing when all the scares are coming, it’s still chilling. In a neat twist on the traditional haunted house story, Paranormal Activity’s entity haunts a person, not a house – so its victim can’t just pack up and move. The found footage conceit is used to great effect, making you stare intently at grainy nighttime footage of an empty room, straining your ears for distant footsteps, before making you jump out of your skin with a loud bang. (Pro tip: the movie has three different endings, so if you think you’re bored of it, try one of the others.)

Ju-on: The Grudge (2002)

So much of the effectiveness of a horror movie comes down to its sound design. A well-placed creak, groan, echo, or jangle can make the difference between something completely normal and something terrifying. New scary noises don’t come along very often, but Ju-on: The Grudge managed to come up with something unlike any other scary noise you’ve heard before. Its ghost makes a weird rattling, burping groan as she approaches; it’s kind of like a death rattle, kind of like a throttled scream, and it’s creepier than anything you’ve ever heard before. The film is relentless, light on plot and heavy on jump scares, but it’s that noise that’ll stay with you.

Julia’s Eyes (2010)

Julia and her twin sister, Sara, both suffer from the same degenerative disease – one that causes them to go blind. When Sara undergoes experimental surgery and subsequently kills herself, Julia suspects foul play – and, indeed, something weird seems to be going on, with whisperings about an invisible man lurking in the shadows. But as Julia gets closer to the truth, her own eyesight suffers more and more…The film restricts our vision almost as much as Julia’s; it’s almost unbearably claustrophobic, and ultimately heartbreaking.

The Eye (2002)

Another film about eyes and the horrors of going blind, The Eye follows Mun, a classical violinist from Hong Kong, as she undergoes an eye transplant. Although the transplant seems to be successful – Mun can see again – something isn’t right, because now she can see dead people. And most of them are terrifying. The ending is vaguely preposterous, but the rest of the film is creepy enough that it’s forgivable.

Zombie Flesh Eaters (1979)

Lucio Fulci’s unofficial sequel to Dawn Of The Dead features perhaps the creepiest zombies ever committed to film. When a boat turns up in New York harbour with only a zombie on board, investigative reporter Peter West sets out to find out where the boat came from and what’s going on. He ends up on the island of Matool, where the dead are returning to life to eat the flesh of the living… and they’re really, really gross. Zombie Flesh Eaters was initially classified as a video nasty in the UK, and it’s not difficult to see why. Its atmosphere elevates it above your average exploitation movie, though; there’s something really melancholy about it.

[REC] (2007)

When a local news crew decided to tag along with the fire brigade for an evening, they probably didn’t realise they’d end up fighting from their lives in a zombie-infested tower block. Co-written and co-directed by Paco Plaza and Jaume Balaguero (yup, him again), [REC] is a decent enough zombie movie, until the final reel, when it reveals an even more terrifying ace up its sleeve.

Let Me In (2010)

Although remakes are usually terrible, Matt Reeves’ take on this unusual vampire story was both respectful of and different from the original and, for my money, it’s creepier. Lonely tween Owen doesn’t have any friends until the equally strange Abby moves in next door. They embark on an odd friendship/proto-romance, but Abby has a secret: she’s a vampire. The use of a candy jingle is, against all odds, really eerie, and by paring the story down to its most essential elements (and getting rid of that daft cat scene) Let Me In makes for a scarier watch than Let The Right One In.

Carnival Of Souls (1962)

After a traumatic accident, weird things start happening to Mary. A strange man seems to be stalking her, though no one else can see him, and she feels irresistibly drawn to an abandoned pavilion out in the middle of nowhere. Once upon a time, the pavilion housed a carnival, but now it’s just an empty building… or is it? There’s nothing surprising about the plot of this movie to a modern audience – you’ll have the whole film worked out within about five minutes – but it is gloriously creepy. The climactic scenes at the carnival are pure nightmare fuel.

The Shining (1980)

Probably the most effective of all the Stephen King adaptations, The Shining plonks Jack Nicholson down in the middle of a creepy hotel and lets him do his thing. Nicholson plays Jack Torrance, a struggling writer who gets a winter job as caretaker of The Overlook Hotel, where the isolation and/or ghosts send him out of his mind. There are so many creepy images in this film: the twin girls who just want to play, the woman in room 237, the lift full of blood, and, oh, lots more.

The Cabinet Of Doctor Caligari (1920)

Appropriately, watching The Cabinet Of Doctor Caligari feels like slipping into a nightmare. Caligari’s cabinet holds Cesare, the sleepwalker – a catatonic oracle able to answer questions of life and death with eerie accuracy. Is Caligari a hypnotist, a murderer, or both? It’s a strange story, made stranger with a twist ending, and rendered impossibly creepy by the Expressionist production design. The weird, distorted hand-painted sets give the film a crude, unreal beauty and, if anything, the passage of time has increased the film’s creepiness, because it’s so utterly unlike modern films.

The Exorcist (1973)

An obvious choice, but The Exorcist is genuinely scary. It’s deceptively simple: the filming style is realistic, the locations are ordinary-looking and, by comparison to more modern horror movies, there aren’t many elaborate effects or stunts. But the film makes every scary moment count. It’s atmosphere is oppressive, claustrophobic – there’s an ever-present sense of dread throughout. It ought to feel more dated than it does, but even now, the demonic makeup and scratchy voice of the possessed Regan gives me goosebumps.

The Omen (1976)

Damien is probably the ultimate creepy child. Adopted by the Thorns when their own newborn dies, it doesn’t take long for his dark side to emerge: Damien is the Antichrist.

There are so many iconic moments in this film, so many things that have shaped both the horror genre and our culture’s idea of evil; something about this film really struck a chord, and even now it’s pretty effective. Every death scene in this movie is memorable, but the suicide of Damien’s nanny at his birthday party particularly stands out.

Ghostwatch (1992)

Originally shown on UK TV at Halloween, Ghostwatch scared a whole generation shitless. It’s presented as a live broadcast, starring familiar BBC faces: Michael Parkinson plays host, while Sarah Green and Craig Charles report from the scene as a normal family recount their experiences with the terrifying ghost they’ve dubbed “Pipes”. The shadowy figure of a man is glimpsed several times throughout the show, some appearances more obvious than others, and as viewers call in to share their own stories, things get weirder and weirder…Okay, this isn’t technically a film, but it is so amazingly creepy and brilliant that it couldn’t be left off the list.

The Wicker Man (1973)

The Wicker Man is a wonderful mishmash of genres: it’s got humour, horror, singing and sex. It frequently teeters on the edge of absurdity. But at heart, it’s deeply creepy. When devout Christian Sgt Howie visits the isolated community of Summerisle, he thinks he’s investigating the abduction of a little girl – and the villagers certainly do seem to be acting suspiciously. But as his investigation continues, it becomes clear that something entirely different is going on. Howie runs headlong to his doom, and its final scene is downright spine-chilling.

Suspiria (1977)

Suspiria is Dario Argento’s finest hour. It’s eyeball-meltingly beautiful to look at, all unnatural neon lighting and ridiculously lavish set design; the music is cacophonous, a never-ending wall of sound that doesn’t let up; and the plot is, well, it’s functional enough.

Suzy, an American ballet dancer, flies to an exclusive dance school in Germany only to find herself in the midst of a murder investigation – and something weird is definitely going on with the teachers. If you haven’t seen Suspiria in a while, treat yourself to the Blu-ray. There’s nothing restrained about this movie, nothing ordinary; it sneaks up on you and worms its way into your brain. It’s brilliant.

The post The Best Creepy Horror Movies appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Orion Digest №39 - The Paragon Society

The state and its functions are ultimately just a tool - eco-socialist federalism is simply a mechanism to keep peace until we can get back on track. This is not to say that we were ever truly 'on track', but given that we have witnessed the general direction of social progress, we can guess as to where that progress is heading. Many have coveted after the idea of utopia, and such an ideal is perhaps truly unachievable. Nonetheless, aspects of it could be within reach.

What constitutes the utopian idea? The name has become synonymous with perfection, and so within a utopian society, the government must be perfect, people's lives must be without hardship, and the world must have guaranteed peace and safety. The vague promise of utopia is often what constitutes it's downfall - to be perfect means there is no room for improvement, nor discovery or change. Human life is about change, and so our culture and society changes with time, to meet the problems of the times. A perfect society is one that, in a way, simply stops moving, and would likely be unable to adjust to reality.

It is also folly to assume that our lives will be without hardship. For those that are able, labor will always be a necessity for society to function. Even if we automate processes, there will be those that need to tend to the machines. So too will there be struggles beyond just labor and economy - simply living requires one to come to terms with who they are and their place in life, and finding one's place is not without struggle. It is simply part of life, though the barriers through which some are forced to endure more than is necessary can be removed with time.

And so we are brought to the final common utopia, which is that the world is at peace. It is hard to deny that within a world federation, so long as the world is moving according to design, we will have more peace. The world will be one nation, and so the prosperity of the federation is prosperity all can share in. More economic assurance and social welfare means there is less reason for conflict and crime. If change is necessary, it can be brought about democratically through the people. But this is considering that the whole world plays along. Even if the system is designed to succeed, it relies on the willingness of all to coexist and cooperate.

Take, for instance, the crime of robbery. People do it now because it promises an easy and quick shot at a better life through wealth. Given that the economy is disadvantageous to the people already, why not simply take it for yourself instead of playing along? Even if it is usually harmful to others, it still helps you in the end, and ensures that you can live the kind of life you want without sacrificing much of your time to labor. This root cause is what we seek to eliminate with economic reform, but by the time we have developed an economy that requires less labor and offers more favorable opportunity, will the mindset have changed? Even if it's less of a load, there might still be those that want to take the easy way out, and rob from others to skip the toil.

Where there are robbers, there is fear and mistrust among a community, and so people will lock their doors, arm themselves, be afraid to walk at night. People see that robbers can still get away with the crime, and they decide that if others are going to get out of working, so will they, and join in. Even if now, the system has been evened out to make things easier, the people might still be the same, used to these ideas and conditions carried over from the old world, and so things might not change as much as we expect, even if the opportunity is available.

Preventing the rise of monopolies and political corruption is a much easier task than eliminating greed and malice in general. The sociological elements of society are much harder to understand and tackle, and while they are affected by the structure of the system around them, they will also have effects on that structure. A crooked government will breed crooked politicians, which will keep the system in a state of moral disarray. Even if we work to build a better system, we must keep in mind that any system still relies on people, and if those people continue forward, laboring under the ideas that have driven us for millennia, they can take advantage and abuse the power it provides.

It's not to say that human nature is bad, nor that we can never find a sense of peace. It's that we've spent so long fighting each other over the course of generations that we don't know what peace looks like. Just as with nations, so it is the same with individual people - it's hard to be convinced the world isn't about the survival of the fittest, when you, too, would take advantage of opportunities for advancement. Injuries of the past are hard to forget, and most wouldn't offer their hand to strangers a second time if it was shunned the first. This forms perhaps the toughest puzzle of our cause, one that goes beyond eco-socialist federalism - how do we convince the world to unite?

The state we will build is but a tool. While we're starting to get an idea of how to treat other people and what is morally good, the environment we have built around ourselves is a cage that is not conducive to true sociological development. Lifting these restrictions upon us and making a system that allows the chance for equality is the first part, but we will still need to undo the conditioning we have developed. We still have to develop as a society and learn to trust and respect one another, or else we will keep fighting others out of misunderstanding. All sides in a conflict are either in pain or misguided, ultimately victims of ignorance. Should they be brought up to learn, we could begin to solve problems with a handshake and not a knife in the back.

In more concrete terms, we live in what could be called a 'survival society.' On the hierarchy of needs, physical needs such as shelter, food, and water are the absolute minimum, while psychological needs leading up to self-actualization are higher on the list, only accomplished after the survival needs are met. A survival society is one in which the organized structures are insufficient to provide citizens with a means of having their survival needs met, with time and energy to spend on fulfilling secondary needs. Instead, the focus of many citizens, whether due to absence of necessary resources or insecurity due to conflict with others, is primarily on survival, and thus they often have little time to focus on their higher needs.

Even if they can survive without them, this does not mean that higher-level needs are any less of needs. Mental health being overlooked often has dangerous consequences for people's interaction with the rest of society, and results in harm done to many, even if unintentionally so. Societal structures of economy and government not being adequate to universally provide for physical needs, as well as sociological threats to oneself (physical needs becoming even harder to come by due to economic and cultural discrimination) contribute to the flawed idea of a 'survival society', and our goal must be to move beyond this.

The opposite of a survival society is thus a paragon society - a society in which the structures in place, as well as sociological and cultural factors, allow for all members of a civilization to have their physical needs consistently met, so they can expend their energy on higher level needs. If people are not always fighting just to put food on the table and a roof over their heads, perhaps it wouldn't be so hard to slow down and understand each other. If it's not all a race against each other, we can pull our head out of the heat of battle and see our neighbors for who they are, rather than what threat they pose to us.

Over time, this could naturally occur within a federation. After all, if the structural problems are solved, people will become acclimated to it over the course of generations. But the individualist survival mentality could still pose a threat to even the most full-proof system, and would only continue to make it hard on other people. It's not an unfounded habit, but it is one that, to truly improve the world, we need to let go of. There will always be new problems to solve and work to do, but if we could pull off the impossible task of peace, new generations can be born into a brighter world, free to be themselves and to know others without fear.

- DKTC FL

[lligkv]

who on this planet gets what they deserve?

I’m sure there are profitable ways to read a work of fiction against its basis in life. I’m not sure Matt Gallagher’s recent piece about Nico Walker’s 2018 novel Cherry, which just got made into a movie, is one of them.

The article is essentially a string of portentous questions and insinuations from Gallagher, as he tries to puzzle out his unease at both the publicity the novel and the movie have gotten and the money Walker has made, all in this sort of hard-boiled, staccato prose (e.g., “Erasure doesn’t have to be an act. It can be a process too. Some crimes are more fashionable than others”).

I don’t entirely fault Gallagher for his clumsiness; his article is a sincere attempt to grapple with a difficult question—the question of what rights the people who writers write about have either to profit from that writing or to have their own stories told and their own pain recognized. But where Gallagher might have offered a verdict on any of these issues, he doesn’t. And while it can be useful to express one’s unease, in a piece in a major paper, one expects there to be a clear indictment and an alternative, a call to some kind of action; ruminations with no clear outcome become especially unsatisfying.

The thrusts of the piece, as far as one can tell, seem to be:

Rosa Foster—one of the bank tellers Walker threatened when he was robbing banks to fund his heroin addiction, which is the story dramatized in Cherry—has never been asked permission for or compensated for her portrayal in the novel or the movie. As such, her victimhood has been monetized without her consent.

Over the years, Walker has not given consistent answers when he’s asked how much truth is in his novel—which, it seems, could have helped us answer how much compensation Foster might be entitled to, as someone Walker harmed.

The producers involved in acquiring Walker’s life rights made a lot of money off Walker’s story and Foster’s—and, the implication seems to be, as figures who aren’t themselves involved in the story and so don’t have any claim to it, they’re the likeliest figures to issue compensation to Foster and others like her, if those people are in fact entitled to it, and if the precise amount could be determined.

To bolster his case, Gallagher reaches for “Son of Sam” laws, arguing that works of fiction could be considered attempts to profit from crimes just as, say, the Netflix documentary Inventing Anna was recently ruled to be for the fake heiress and grifter Anna Delvey. Of course, as Gallagher observes, Son of Sam laws typically kick in when the harm done is physical. Delvey’s stealing things from people is a harm you can quantify with firm numbers; the psychological harm Walker might’ve done to the tellers is harder to quantify.

I’m also not sure how you’d act on Gallagher’s implied argument that publishing execs and movie people shouldn’t make money from adapting Cherry. Especially considering, just on a mean legal level, the way profits from a movie would go to the film company—the whole company at that, and not just directly into the pockets of the specific people who green-lit the project. But also because fiction is an echo from life, and all fictions are open to monetization, particularly in the world we live in. And for anything that can be monetized in a marketplace, it’s always a question of who gets to take that opportunity, and who manages to do it first.

Late in his article, Gallagher reports what Walker himself had to say about the robberies when Gallagher pressed him on what he might owe for the harms he might have done:

As long as no one literally eats me, I could not care less about how I am perceived. There was a time when I feel short of what I wanted of myself, and so that is why I say that I have not lived well. As for the standards of the world at large, they are too inconsistent and absurd to be credited.

Whose position has more integrity? Gallagher’s attempt to articulate where the line between art and life must be, and whether and what harms in the former can and ought to be recompensed in the latter? Or Walker’s apparent decision to just live in our compromised world as he finds it—making his own choices, seemingly aware there’s no universally comfortable or ethical way to live? Both choices have their costs. But Gallagher’s desire seems to depend on standards no one would know how to create; on a math for rights or deserts that no one can yet do.

Gallagher’s definition of “victim” is also a bit selective, in a way Walker appears to discern. He seems to want to focus on the bank robberies, and specifically the robbery at the U.S. Bank branch that involved Rosa Foster; he invokes Walker’s war experience only as it’s relevant to recognizing what Walker must have been through, and when he asks Walker whether he feels the tellers deserve compensation, he labels Walker’s response—“I wonder why you didn’t ask this question about the Iraqis”—as a “pithy zinger,” a comment on “the ethical maze of writing about war,” and ultimately, a “dodge.” But it’s not a dodge. And it’s a comment on the ethical maze not of writing about war, but of living in capitalism, or rather, living at all; it’s indicative of a moral position that Gallagher refuses to recognize, much less honor. After all, why does Gallagher focus on Rosa Foster and not the Iraqis, whose victimhood has also been monetized without their consent, at whom Walker might also have pointed a gun? Obviously, on a surface level, moral responsibility to victims of a war between nations is a different matter than adjudicating compensation in the adaptation of one soldier’s story. But what Walker seems to want Gallagher to recognize is this: who on this planet gets what they deserve?

Often, a sort of diffidence or flatness comes off in a lot of Walker’s writing and his general presence. Viewed through one lens, it’s precisely the sort of burned-out, hard-bitten, cynical cool that might lead one to think what Walker does is an act, put-on in the same way that Jack Henry Abbott—another convict-turned-writer to whom Gallagher compares Walker in the piece—put on the act of a literary convict to win praise from the likes of Norman Mailer. It’s also the affect of someone who’s deeply familiar with the world’s wrongs—and who was once perhaps struck by them, but has long since been inured to them. There’s probably something to admire in the fact that Gallagher doesn’t show the same spirit. But it’s also a little frustrating. Obtuse.

I sympathize with Gallagher’s desire to want something more fair than the system we’ve got—a way of making art that would allow profit to redound to Rosa Foster as well as Nico Walker. I’m not sure we’d be able to get it. And as a writer—an aspiring one, at any rate—I’m with Walker in the end. Art is not real life, for all it’s imbricated in life, thanks to the economies we’ve built around book sales and movie adaptations. It’s galling to think profits in this world will always be unfair, considering how gross and inflated the latter economy in particular tends to be and the kinds of people who often end up walking away with the money it generates. But the ideas of right and wrong that obtain in the economy or in the legal sphere can’t really be enforced in the sphere of art—which will always involve violations of someone’s boundaries or someone’s rights, because the stuff from which art is made is always shared experience, to which we must compete for claims. And you come off as a little foolish or obtuse if you try.

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @that-english-nerd (she/hers)

what are you working on right now? Three things!

My next chapter for my witch!AU where Bellamy is the son of a witch, and Clarke enlists his help to find out what happened to her father and his sister.

And a prompt for @bellarkefic-for-blm  with princess!Clarke and knight!Bellamy. It's a little outside of my comfort zone but I enjoy writing it. I currently have stumbled upon some technical difficulties where I lost everything I wrote for it so now I'm back to square one.

I’m also looking for the next chapter of a Voltron fic I’ve been working on. It’s super silly but it’s ridiculous amounts of fun, I want to write so much for it.

what’s something you’d like to write one day? I think it's been a pipe dream of mine to write a novel that captures the spirit of the YA books I grew up on but that people of all ages can enjoy. I want it to be my ultimate self-indulgent fantasy where I combine all the things I loved as a reader. A fantasy/sci-fi, action, a good satisfying romance, complex emotions.

It's also important to me that the main character is brown-skinned like I am, and that the book discusses different philosophies and cultures without ever saying one is right. Growing up as the child of immigrants, I've always struggled with clashing cultures and it took me a while to learn that neither culture is more right than the other, and that our differences in how we think are what makes being human meaningful. I want something that acknowledges those parts of the human experience without villainizing or glorifying its existence.

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? Honestly? It's this moodboard I made for my Winx Club!AU. I really like how it came out aesthetically speaking, and I'm fond of the story. I do have some things I'd change about the story stemming from the fact I wrote it one sitting but I don't know if I'll ever make the changes. Still. It was a fun piece to write.

why did you first start writing fic? I really, really just wanted to write some more scenes for my favorite couples who I felt were robbed in books. I just wanted to write some cute shit, man. Since then I’ve written for 39 Clues, Maximum Ride, Demashitaa! Powerpuff Girls Z, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Powerpuff Girls, Hush, Hush, Danny Phantom, Giver, Legend of Korra, Jimmy Neutron, Code Lyoko, 100, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Lucifer, and Penryn & the End of Days.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? plot. specifically, non-emotional plot. like what even is that. If the plot is driven by emotional development, it’s still hard to come up with specific structures for moments but like if things need to happen outside of their emotions, oh whee boy do I struggle. For me, emotions tend to naturally evolve from one thing into the next and it’s easy for the characters to lead me where their emotions take them. It’s harder when things need to develop outside of that.

Other than that, motivation is a big roadblock. Struggling with depression, anxiety and my other responsibilities, I can go without touching a piece of writing for months. I feel the itch very often but it’s one that goes unindulged.

what are your top five songs right now? - Experience by Victoria Monét with Kahlid, SG Lewis  - BALI by Rich Brian with Guapdad 100 - Etch by RILEY THE MUSICIAN with Iker - Culver by Mac Wetha

what are your inspirations? Usually pictures or stories! My witch!AU was inspired by an aesthetic picture I saw on tumblr and most of my other stuff has been inspired by other stuff I read. It’s not necessarily specific plot points—though, sometimes some plot threads are too good to give up—but rather the emotional journey the characters go through. Poems and other media also feed the old noggin.

what first attracted you to Bellarke? what attracts you now? It turns out I have a thing for reluctant partners turned lovers. I really liked how the two shouldered responsibilities that no one else really had, and that despite their differences, they had the capacity to understand and empathize with each other when no one else would. It would've been so easy for Bellamy and Clarke to fall into an endless cycle of blaming each other for their decisions. We see it in the other characters, in other TV shows--a constant battle where only one person's philosophy can prevail. But with Bellamy and Clarke, they have always shown empathy and accepted each other. It might not have been right, maybe they themselves would've done something different, but at the end of the day, Bellamy and Clarke try to understand and accept each other for who they are. Present tense. I think that kind of, frankly mature, love is something we don't see in media all too often.

BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100? hmmmm

I do enjoy memori, they make me happy. I also have a soft spot for Raven and Roan. Anything with Wells is gold bc I really want to see how he could've changed the show. Oh, and Minty. This wonderful idea will always be a favorite of mine.

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm? I’ve been wanting to do more for a bit because I, personally, avoid social media activism. @bellarkefic-for-blm  is an amazing way to leverage whatever platform I have to incite awareness and action by using my strengths. I can do this really cool thing that I enjoy to help something critically important.

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)? it’s a hot diggity dog mess. I kind of do whatever I feel like. If I want to write a scene, I’ll write a scene. If I want to write dialogue, I’ll write dialogue. If I want to write an outline, I’ll write an outline. Chronological order is not guaranteed. Because writing tends to be an extremely emotionally exhaustive task for me, it’s easier for me to write more if I let go and follow whatever whims I have so that I don’t compromise my urge to write. My guarantee is that I try to milk the whim for whatever it’s worth. If I start an outline, I’ll finish it. I’ll have music in usually but I’ll pause it often to think about whatever it is I need to say.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? Some bellarke fics that’ll make you chuckle: So put your hands down my pants and I bet you’ll feel nuts by Chash You know you drive me up the wall by coffee_grounders The (Bullet Pointed) Life and Times of Bellamy Blake by crystalkei, dirtytrix

Other than that:

-       Albums: Ungodly Hour by Chloe x Halle, SAWAYAMA by Rina Sawayama, Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers -       Musicians: Matt Nathanson, Mat Kearney -       TV Shows: Nikita, Code Lyoko -       Books: Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor

You can find her on here on Tumblr @that-english-nerd, or on her AO3 here. Request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

[stormguard798]

Jonnor: the storyline, the ending and my personal thoughts- a barely coherent rant.

To be frank, I heard about Lena and Stef Adams-Foster and Jonnor far before I even started watching the show. They had been touted as someone of the most influential lesbian and gay characters on television period, and eventually, I needed to see why for myself.

I could spend a whole other post espousing on what the creators did right with Stef and Lena, but that’s not what I’m here for. For most of Season 1, we’re introduced to Jude and Connor as friends, and honestly, we don’t get much of an inkling that they might end up being anything more than that until the very last episode. (Whilst I deem the Ouija board the cutest moment between the two of them - and yes, I believe that Connor did intentionally move that marker thing so that Jude would have closure with regards to his adoption - it felt like more of a friendship thing than anything else.)

And in Season 2, the awkward tension between the two on the ‘are we more than friends’ side of things, and while the whole parent forbidding it and literal instant teenage rebellion is pretty cut and dry, I feel the tension ended up being quite palpable and engaging, despite there not being very much of it. And I must say, I truly loved the last 2 episodes in handling both Jude and Connor’s coming out and getting together. (And let’s be perfectly blunt here, up until this point at least, Jude’s game is WAY stronger than everyone else’s.

But as we hit Season 3, I feel just a little bit disappointed - it’s as if the entirety of the honeymoon phase of the relationship happened completely off-camera. Whilst Jude’s entire turmoil with labels raises an important issue concerning the whole LGBTQIA+ community in general, I don’t feel like there was much showcasing of the relationship as a whole. (Side note here: please don’t ever out someone on their behalf. In my mind, that’s like Cardinal Sin No. 1) In a season filled with all the Callie/Brendan drama, the Mat and Mariana nonsense, and honestly whatever the hell Jesus is doing, is it too much to showcase a functioning relationship for once? It feels like the creators spent so long setting up for this relationship, only to show so little of it.

And now the breakup. Oh boy. I’ve never been in a relationship myself, but you’d think that after they’ve reached the ‘I love you’ stage in the relationship (which, given what they’ve already been through together, with Connor shoving Jude away and getting shot, is not that far-fetched to think about), they’d at least try a little…harder? I guess maybe with the sext Jude realises that he doesn’t actually view Connor in that way, or that he doesn’t want to think about things like that at this point, I’m not entirely sure. Either way, I don’t think that the 2 would be stubborn enough to not at least talk about how to make each other feel comfortable.

Or maybe they are: after all they did spend more than a year playing the blame game, avoiding each other instead of talking about they feel. Entirely to stereotype here: is this just a guy thing? Who the heck knows. Anyway, Jude feels sad that Connor doesn’t come down to San Diego to visit (weird that, it’s like he’s trying to avoid his sort-of homophobic, not accepting dad that he moved to get away from in the first place. Oh wait.) nor does he understand why Connor is immersing himself in all these activities in school (it sounds like he’s trying to ‘lay down some roots’ as Principal Sanchez said back in S1 and fit in within a completely new school as an out gay kid. Oh wait.). And Connor, the sweet, sweet child that he is, does nothing to defend himself or try and work things out. Just like that, a relationship that has been developing that had been developing for multiple season is broken up with the fanfare and drama of a dying mosquito.

Disclaimer here: I’ve stopped watching after the S3 finale at least for now based on just how upset I am with how the entire Jonnor relationship was handled as a whole. Maybe I should give a little more leeway to both Jude and Connor, for whom this is their first relationship, but considering how close they were, I’d expect them to try to at least fight for their friendship, if not their relationship. (Again, the sad lonely person in me has no idea if being friends with an ex makes any sense, but as Jude rightly pointed out, they were friends first.) What they’ve been through together is a lot to take on for anyone who’s still in middle school, and I find it incredibly strange that they wouldn’t even try to preserve anything of what they had. Maybe they decided that thisbeing the first relationship, they were bound to hit a lot of roadblocks, that it was incredibly unlikely they were going to find ‘the one’ on the very first try, but it’s not as if they don’t care deeply for each other. Cause they clearly do. As a third-culture kid, I find that whilst you do absolutely have to put in work to maintain a relationship, it’s definitely possible and worthwhile to do, but only if both parties are willing to put in the effort. Even in the very last episode, Jude is still questioning his sexuality, wondering that if he  does like guys or if he only liked Connor, showing the depth of if not romantic then platonic feelings they have for each other. And having such a pathetic breakup doesn’t do the relationship as a whole any justice.

And while we’re at it, can we just address the shallowness of Connor’s character as a whole? Besides mainly being touted as Jude’s love interest, (because at least from what I recall, he always shows up in reference to Jude) the only other facet to his character is that he’s really scared of coming out to his homophobic dad. Though it’s not to say the story of being out to parents who aren’t always the most supportive is not an important storyline, it’s also one that gets used a lot. Connor is a student-athlete, who besides an avid interest in sports, shows immense interest in other activities that are typically seen as stereotypically male. (Not that there ever should be stereotypically male things, but eh. You catch my drift. I hope) I  believe that the storyline of an out athlete trying to navigate the mire that is middle and high school sports would be incredibly fresh and engaging (especially considering Connor’s age and the working out of his identity), but I guess that not everyone feels that way? Either way, I feel a little bit robbed.

Now let’s have a brief discussion of what Jude actually represents. Simply put, he isn’t someone who is afraid to be themselves, to put on nail polish simply because he likes it, to start dating a guy simply because he likes him and be curious and thoughtful about working out who he is. Jude’s constant struggle of trying to work out how to organise his identity is something that I must imagine every LGBTQIA+ person has had in their lifetime, and ultimately his desire to not pretend to be someone that he’s not is something that we can all appreciate, such as his kissing of Taylor in the season finale to work out whom he’s attracted to. While I can guarantee that not a single person’s journey of self-discovery will be the same, the example of someone who is given the freedom to explore who they are and not be ashamed nor embarrassed about it is the shining hallmark of what everyone’s journeys should be like. And if it does end up with Jude being written as someone who’s bi or pan or just not straight in general, that’s a storyline that I can absolutely accept and respect.

As so amply demonstrated by Jude’s attempting to find online gay porn, the discussion of any kind of relationship or exploration of any sexuality or gender identity that isn’t a cis-straight one is completely undiscussed. I know at least for myself, that meant I experienced a lot of guilt and shame in trying to parse through who I was and whom I liked because the entire thing felt illicit. Like it was blatantly wrong. That because no one else talked about, I felt completely alone in the endeavour. And I must imagine that’s an experience that is certainly not unique to me. That is why I was so looking forward to a functional, relatable young gay couple, and I think my disappointment by how Jonnor panned out is perhaps seriously influencing how I’m viewing the whole breakup. (Cause seriously, the only other canon couple I could get behind is Coldray, which had negligible screen time - though that’s for another rant.) And judging from the general discourse on the internet, I think I’m not the only one who feels generally upset by how Jonnor ended. Either way, it’s not for me to decide, and I hear that Jude finds a new relationship in Season 4. Though I certainly don’t think that it’ll be nearly as wholesome and simple and just heart-warming as Jonnor was.

Ultimately, being the purveyor of fanfiction that I am, and given how generally dissatisfied I am with how the break-up went, I 100% plan on coming up with some canon-extension fanfic to explore what might happen if Connor and Jude did end up meeting again when they were older, when they’ve gone through a few more relationships to decide what they’re  looking for and what a relationship should be like, and see what might happen then. Honestly, I have absolutely zero clue where it’s going to end up going. But I do think it’ll give me the kind of closure that I’m looking for, and that’s okay. And for those are satisfied with how Jonnor ended, and who are very happy with how Joah (I refuse to call it Nude XD) turn out, and Jude’s character as a whole turn out, I absolutely respect that. Cause ultimately these are all fictional characters, and they should be treated as such.

Happy pride everybody. May you too be able to be yourself.

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 25 of 27)

(Sorry I couldn’t count my chapterssss)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2100

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, who will get 20% royalties each on my first novel that I will never write

Requested Tags: @deraniel, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany , @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings,           @lokis-butter-knife, @help-i-need-a-social-life, @vodka-and-some-sass

While being mortal is a fascinating experiment in the short term, Loki would not generally recommend it as a whole.

He feels much more vulnerable, in a way that has nothing to do with him sitting powerless in a cell. Now, his blood is much more easily spilled; his bones more easily broken. It is harder to dull the sudden aches that flare up for no apparent reason at all, and while magic soothes the troubleshooting somewhat, he can’t deny that there’s something.. missing. Nothing tangible or concisely identifiable, but incredibly distracting nonetheless.

His magic is another matter. Frigga has been visiting him for months, on and off, and each time he expects her to begin the process that will ultimately be much more damning to him than mortality. His magic is all he has sometimes, that and his sharp tongue. It is singularly his, and while they may bind his wrists and throw away the key, it will still thrum through his veins with a purr, content to be him and it and it and him.

He expected her to be hesitant, but never to defy Odin altogether. So when she comes to fetch him one day and undoes his manacles with a snap, and green sparks race to heal the raw skin on his wrists, he raises a wary eyebrow at her. “Correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe this is supposed to be gone?”

Frigga graces him with a rare smile that speaks of trouble- if he didn’t know better, he would say his habitual smirk was learned from hers. “You are not mistaken. But what mother would I be to rob my son of his pride and joy?” Her fingers brush an unruly lock of hair from Loki’s forehead. “But, your father will not be denied. At least, not so obviously. Do you trust me?”

“Infinitely.”

“Then stay still.” Her hand to the side of his face, she murmurs an enchantment that washes over his whole body like honey- viscous and stifling. Only her voice keeps him from panicking, and when she’s done, he takes a breath. Frigga hasn’t taken his magic, only… repressed it. It’s a bit like being in hiding. He can still feel his power, only now it remains curled up sluggishly in the deepest parts of his bones. “We both know that the magical arts are not Odin’s strength. This spell should hold for long enough.”

Loki flexes his fingers, his body awash in so many new sensations. “Long enough for what, precisely?”

As it turns out, long enough for the most casual jailbreak Loki has ever been apart of.

Frigga leads him where he never again thought he’d go- out. Up into the castle proper, where the air isn’t stale and the sunlight is filtering through the window. To his amazement, nobody turns their head as they walk side by side through the halls, then the gardens, and out the gates, eventually leaving not only the palace but the whole of Asgard behind, fading into the background.

Crossing the bridge is a strange sort of anxiety. The cracks underneath his feet have long since been mended, but spiderweb fractures remain embedded in his very bones. Old memories fade in and out of existence right in front of him, teasing his brain down paths he doesn’t want to follow- the past holds little more than anger and regret.

Caught up in his thoughts, Loki doesn’t notice when his mother stills. Thor has met them at the edge, and just beyond him Heimdall watches with a stony gaze. Confused, he glances around. “Mother?”

“It has come to Odin’s attention,” she says, “that your remaining on Asgard is a liability to its people.”

Loki arches an eyebrow. “Indeed.”

“And so, he has remedied his previous decree. You are to be banished to Midgard for the remainder of your time as a mortal, and without your magic.”

Time seems to slow. Too many fragile hopes are leaping over themselves for his attention, threatening to topple what little composure he has. “And Odin… agreed to this?”

“It took some doing,” she admits, lips pressed in a thin line. “Your brother and I have not been idle in the previous months.” Thor nods, arms crossed and eyes on the horizon for any unwelcome approachers.

“I-” for once, words fail. What can be said to those who have essentially given you a second chance at life?

Frigga smiles. She can hear what he’s not saying. Carefully, reverently, she presses her palm to his cheek, in a gesture only used by a mother who would do anything for her child. “As I said, my son,” she says softly. “You deserve all the happiness this life may afford you.”

Happiness. Such a foreign concept. Happiness is held in his Witling’s smile, her laugh, the way she looks at him as though she’s never seen a monster in his face-

I want you to come back. Please. If you can.

It turns out he’d lied to you after all.

“Thor will escort you.” A fond thumb is graced against his cheekbone, and then he’s released. “And I trust you will find Y/N and tell her all that you have yet to say.”

Loki wants to argue a million points- how they possibly could have managed to convince Odin to simply let him walk away; how she expects to keep his still-present magic a secret- but his curiosity is tempered by the sheer thought of you. You, in his arms; you, no longer separated from him by glass or pain or stubbornness-

The colors of the Bifrost have never looked brighter as they swirl around his fingertips.

                                                          XXX

He was not particularly expecting a warm welcome from SHIELD- perhaps some cushioned lining around newly-soldered handcuffs- but to his surprise, only the droll man with the eyepatch and Stark are there to greet him when Thor informs them of their arrival on Earth. Infuriating as Stark may be, after so long with nothing but his own company, his glare is almost a welcome change. “So. The prodigal sinner returns.”

“The pleasure is all mine Stark, I assure you.” Loki treats him to one of his smirks, though inwardly he’s already dreading the derision almost certainly headed his way.

“Gentleman, if we could all stand to be civil for more than seven seconds, this will all go a lot smoother.” Fury seems unruffled standing in front of his former most wanted. “Let me get one thing clear- I am not particularly happy about this. Organizations I’ve never even heard of are crawling out of the woodwork to tell me I’m crazy. But,” he sighs heavily, deep lines etched on his face, “as it turns out, we need you.”

Never one to mince words, the director. Loki raises a delicate eyebrow. “Need me for what, exactly?”

“We’ve acquired another magic user in your absence.” Stark snorts, apparently disagreeing with that description, and Fury silences him with a glare. “Well. Some sort of energy. She’s incredibly volatile, moody, and hates Stark with a passion.” There’s a minute shrug under his leather jacket. “Figured the two of you would get along well.”

“Joy,” Stark deadpans. “As if I don’t have enough people who want to blow my brains out. Now you’re going to teach her how to do it more effectively.”

“At least this way, if she murders you, she’ll be doing it on purpose and not by accident,” he replies smoothly, his attention never leaving Loki. “What do you say?”

Loki glances at his brother, and then suppresses an eye roll when Thor gives a classic I dunno, I’m just here to hit stuff gesture. “Well. I suppose I do not have much of a choice.”

“No, you don’t. Glad we could come to an agreement. Thor, if you’ll follow me. We need to make sure thee wont be any… repercussions, from Asgard.” Fury nods once, briefly, before taking his leave. “Welcome to the team.”

Loki’s eyes widen, just a bit. Stranger and stranger this day becomes.

Once they’re alone, the engineer turns back to his project, fiddling with wires exuding faint blue light. “So, where’s your guardian angel? I would have thought she’d be nipping at your heels.”

“Excuse me?”

“Your mini-me. Your not-so-secret-admirer. Your groupie. Your devotee-”

“I would stop there, Stark,” Loki growls.

“Can’t say I’m wrong.” Two wires come together with a spark. “So?”

“I am not sure.”

“Really? So you mean you weren’t the one who told her to rip us all a new one?”

Loki sighs. Mortals and their inane languages. “I assure you, as with most things that fall from your mouth, I haven’t the faintest idea what you speak of.”

“J, play back the recording.” Something warm floods his system at hearing your voice, clearer than its been in a year, even over a recording. Though you sound angry, even more livid than that day in his cell-

“Have none of you, not a single one, ever fucked up because you were hurting? Because it all just became too much?”

“She even made Captain Tightpants sit down, and let me tell you, that’s hard to do.”

This ‘Avengers Initiative’ is one big shot at forgiveness for all of you. Why doesn’t Loki deserve that same chance?”

“What prompted this?” Loki asks, bewildered.

“Oh, the day you left, we took her in because we thought you whammied her brain on that little rescue mission.”

“Loki’s never had a friend, not really. But I’m his friend. And I forgive him. And I gave him the second chance he deserves.”

Oh, love. “I hope you do not expect me to apologize for her.”

“Right.” Stark points a bit of machinery at him without looking in his direction. “Also, if you even think for a second you’re living in my tower-”

“I would not live in that monstrosity if it were shelter from a sandstorm, Stark, fear not.”

I’m here, love. I’m coming. I swear.

A/N: The new Addams family movie is awesome so here’s a celebration chapter. Also only TWO MORE CHAPTERS TO GO PEOPLE well one chapter and an epilogue but whatever technicalities 

[ju-liberty]

Clint & Natasha

(Or, the deeper approach into their psyche and love)

Turns out that Endgame hit me harder than I could ever have prepared myself, and I don’t like what I have read from other perspectives about their platonic relationship very much, so I’ve decided to write my own. At this point I don’t even need to fight anyone to prove anything, what they are to one another up until now have already far exceeded any ordinary relationship in the entire cinematic history.

There are some fatal plot holes that are hardly dismissed as a writer myself but I’m going to be a good person to ignore all of them and even pretend to forgive the ridiculous five-year period that made no sense to the character development and motivation.

1. Firstly, let’s talk about Natasha’s roller-coaster emotional ride.

Natasha in the last piece of the Avenger series was, as Scarlett has said herself, ‘hardened’ by all she had lost, and simultaneously softened and vulnerable in a way we had never seen her before.

She loved so hard and so deeply that if before we didn’t dare acknowledge it, now it was pouring all over her facial expression as though she didn’t even bother to hide it anymore.

Okay, please give me a specific number of times you have seen Natasha Romanoff with a breakdown. With tears? Except for the time when she thought Nick Fury was dead. There was only one time under Wanda in AoU that she was off her game, then again we all know who was there in half a second later to look after her.

This time, though, this was different. Nobody knew how to handle her the right way, and nobody was there anymore. The perfect timing of Steve’s appearance was so precious and realistic I can’t appreciate it enough. Steve was not Clint, probably hadn’t seen Nat at her worst the way Clint did, but he was there at that precise moment to stay with her through the misery. What could be more fulfilling in a friendship? Your friend was there, burdened with his own misery and could not ease yours but he was there nonetheless. If we take a careful look at the predicament, we could see that Clint, in this case, was the very source of her distress instead of her comfort. And if you have seen the way she grieved, it’s so blindingly obvious that he was more than just a friend to her. He was family. The one that she had lost.

It wasn’t like Natasha would need Rhodey to give her the precise location of Clint Barton—we have seen the way Clint found her in the most unbelievable circumstance in their own classic way in AoU—she had always known where he was, she must have been keeping track on him, and yet she chose to stay away and pretended she didn’t see what he was doing anyway, because she believed she could not give him hope. The way she went straight to him and took his hand bravely felt like she had always known where he was in all her life and all it took was just a sparkle of hope.

And then there’s the arrow necklace, oh yes, that was fucking thrilling. We grown women do not wear jewelries to honor our siblings or close friends, and let’s not ignore the Godly timing that the necklace first made an appearance was actually right after her breakdown for Clint. Listen, if you have spotted 40+ ester eggs all over the movie, you must have known by now that there was no such thing as a coincidence in every scene, for example her ballet shoes in a corner or the sandwich that was cut diagonally. So if she wore the arrow necklace over a black t-shirt instead of a white one in a dozen of close-up shots with one of the most breaking expressions on her face, there was a reason for it. I suspect it had something to do with her breakdown and the necklace was possibly the symbol of her determination to set things right (to find her partner and to bring him back) now that they had found a way out of their failure.

That didn’t happen just once. She wore the same necklace when they went to Bruce. And what’s more terrifying? She wore it in the same room with Clint in the most comfortable atmosphere between them as though she knew that he knew and they both knew what it meant to them and were completely okay to show it. That could mean she didn’t take it off until Vormir, or not ever. Whether it really had something related to Clint or not, do interpret it in your own way, I don’t care, facts will always remain facts.

And then there’s that mind-blowing moment when Clint was back from the time-travel and she was up there in a second like their life depended on it. There was so much love radiating from her when she went all of her way out to articulate the word ‘family’ when there was not a single one of the team had dare mention before, and so much love for Clint that she didn’t bother to conceal it. Either family or friendship, her love had already gone way beyond those with a simple touch of her hand on his face and that look on her.

Just—that look.

2. And Clint Barton, the most underappreciated character in the MCU history.

One of the things Jeremy has shared about what he enjoyed the most about his character was that Clint Barton was just a normal guy. He has no super power or physical enhancement and yet he chooses to fight alongside the heroes with his partner. He is normal, and despite everything that he has been robbed from the insane story line, he as a character still has grown so much through each movie. He is human, he lost, and he grieved.

I’m not going to pretend the family didn’t exist because they did (and it was a pleasure seeing they got dusted) and their disappearance did pull a string or two on this new side of Clint and his newly introduced skill sets that I super enjoyed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him going vigilante given his background of a master assassin and the darkness of his personality and PTSD, and the five year time skip that had been done poorly in the movie did nothing to ruin his perfect characterization. 

Since a lot of articles have been talking about Thor’s stages of depression that should not be taken lightly as humor device, remember that Thor wasn’t the only one who suffered from mental disorder and please also don’t compare the kind of loss they all had to confront alright? Each person had to go through different kind of manifestation of mental illness, and for a former agent like Clint to go into hiding and killing as coping mechanism was completely acceptable. Don’t give me the morality bullshit, we are talking about fictional characters here, thank you.

Even though the five year excuse was unfair, why should we pay too much attention about it when we could have all we should have and Natasha was still the only one who could come for Clint? You can’t possibly forget the way she held out her hand and he immediately took it without hesitation like five years of distance between them never existed. That display of vulnerability and utter trust that he only showed in the presence of Natasha was pure gold. He knew she would find him as much as he knew once she did, he would be willing to come back with her.

Did he still grieve, though? Intensely. Did he want to die? More than anything else. Did he also have to live? Yes, yes, and yes.

Ever since the beginning to the end, he never stopped grieving. Have you noticed the way he wore his eyes in almost every scene? It’s a tortured look. Clint Barton had come such a long way from the first time he was introduced as a sassy, witty archer to this broken, quiet man with a constantly tortured look. And every step of this journey, Natasha was there with him.

Did he let himself heal? Also yes. In those little moments like when they sat next to one another discussing the plan to get the stones, or when the whole team were getting ready for the mission and he sneaked a glance at Natasha at the other side of the room, or in the spaceship when he initially brought up Budapest with a laughter in contrast to the first time it was mentioned by Natasha in the first Avenger movie. He was allowing himself to heal only because Natasha was there.

Clint and Natasha didn’t act that comfortably around anyone else but each other, and only with one another, they were able to heal themselves gradually.

3. Then Vormir happened. Their journey to the end.

From now on, I am talking about their love and how it was manifested through Endgame.

The parallel cinematic wasn’t just about Natasha finding and bringing Clint home in contrast to how he had made a different call in the past, it was their entire journey with little things, like the hand holding: if Natasha first took Clint’s hand to take him home at the beginning, Clint was the one who took her hand at the end of their conversation.

It was the extended bargain that had started from the first conversation between Natasha and Loki until Red Skull: the world was still on the balance and their bargain was still (forever will be) ultimately for one another.

I see hundreds, hell, thousands of wishful thinking for the Vormir scene to be more than just a forehead touch. Like, you wanted more? Was it even possible to be more? God no. Please look up infinite intensity. Romance didn’t even fit here. It was deep-rooted emotional intimacy, I would call. Like, you want to scale them down to an ordinary couple in a romantic movie who confess their undying love for each other and then kiss and make up and walk towards the horizon holding hands? Look, Disney fairy tales are always available all over the world except here - we are not sugarcoating a single fraction of a second they had here - not that way, never, okay?

What can you ask for more really? The man was fucking married and lost his family, and yet he literally spent almost every second of his scenes putting Natasha ahead of every single other people of his life including himself in all movies (and interview but we are not even talking about that, damn), exactly the way she had done for him. They were each other’s priority without a single discussion. What more could you actually imagine them to be? They didn’t just fight alongside one another. They literally fought against each other while calling each other idiot and a pain in the ass, just to die for one another.

That, was blatantly, blindingly, obviously fucking love.

Since Clint had been grieving and this was not a fairy tale, admittedly, he wanted to die. The way he recklessly threw himself into relentless massacre, as shitty and underdeveloped as it is, the way he volunteered as an object for a possible one way trip (again, shitty choice with the farm as if it was the fucking symbol for a life of a master assassin), it was clear that he had been suicidal. Natasha could be his anchor, but at the first chance he got, he immediately relapsed into his suicidal intention. He chose to die because he wanted to, and he believed it was as best as life could get.

And then something changed. The moment he realized what they would do in this circumstance was manifested in the way they looked at each other, it was heartbreaking and beautiful.

But they knew each other without a word and fought on an equal ground. They knew they were each other’s dearest person, this they knew without a single banter or discussion. That was when the self-loathing was replaced by love - whatever the fuck kind you want to interpret - it was love and not guilt or responsibility or debt anymore. Because guilt could not earn them the soul stone. He wanted to keep her alive even more than he wanted to die. Everything that remained in that moment as the world did cease to exist, was love.

Do you remember how many times Clint had called her Natasha? Each time was different, and yet none was like this one, because he knew this was it, this was the last time, so he said it with a smile so understanding and agonizing and most of all, so damn loving.

With the mere look he gave her when he called her Natasha, let me tell you, even if they gave him 10 more families all over the world with a hundred of children, Clint Barton sure as hell would still put Natasha Romanoff before every single one of them without a second thought and love her enough to die for her as many times as it took.

This. look.

And the look Natasha gave Clint when he ran over the edge and when he held onto her hand, as much as gratitude and fear, the only thing that had been constantly staying there, was love.

4. What’s left

We grieve that she wasn’t among those in the final battle, that was such a sick joke I agree, however come to think of it, Clint wasn’t, either. That went back to the beginning when they were spies, not soldiers. They were the best with their skill sets when sent on specific missions. Taking out all other characters, if you squint, you probably could see that this really was their own journey to go back to the way they used to be in the old days with just the two of them, either fighting alongside one another, or just fighting for the other. Tragically, Natasha did not come back, then again you did not see Clint as a whole person ever again. She wasn’t in the final battle and neither was Clint (except doing his side job for a few minutes), because they were meant to fight together or not fighting at all.

Natasha deserved to live. Of course she did. Do you know who understood it the most and fought for her life harder than anyone else? Clint Barton.

But living isn’t that simple as black and white, and if you turned the ending upside down in which Natasha lived and Clint didn’t, imagine the life she was going to live without her partner, best friend, soulmate. It wasn’t because she had no family that she deserved less to live, no, it was exactly because death was the easier way out than enduring the trauma, which by now Clint was shouldering for her.

Think of it this way: It wasn’t the family reunion we were seeing, it was Clint looking at those loved ones he was supposed to save and only seeing his other half spilling blood and losing life for them to live. Like the way it was supposed to be him. Like the way he kicked off the gauntlet after the reversing snap and treated the stones like ‘a goddamn thing’ instead of feeling thankful for them for bringing his family back. Clint was never going to get over it, to be honest he was never going to truly live anymore.

A life where you constantly grieve and loathe yourself, do you think Natasha would have deserved it? What Clint was shouldering in her place wasn’t a second chance at life nor another debt on his ledger, it was a downright bloody punishment.

So again, hello to Disney fans. If this was one of the fairy tales, if AoU did not happen and the only one they had was each other, there is no doubt that they both would die together. Screw the world, end of story. However, what made their love so intense and so much more painful than that ideal scenario was when Clint realized as much as he wanted to jump after her (oh trust me he longed for it), he wasn’t allowed to let Natasha’s sacrifice go wasted. See, this is the difference between a romance and a bond so deep it overruns everything else - he had to make it worth first, and then he would punish himself later - which already happened immediately, all of his emotional catastrophe and enormous anger. Clint was punishing himself badly and he would not stop. Ever. If losing his family already hit him that much, imagine how quickly he was going to abandon his life without Natasha. Remember how easily he let go of the gauntlet and the stones - the family and the world might be let go in the same way without remorse.

While we are saying a proper funeral was a better display of gratitude that Natasha should have deserved, can we take a look again at how most of Clint and Natasha’s battles were like? Against their inner demons. Behind the scenes. That was how they operated through the years. That was just what they were. And remember, Clint chose to share his lasting grief with Wanda who had lost her other half, not with his family.

As lacking as the ending was, simultaneous it was a given that the two of them were manifested in the right way. Clint and Natasha were spies not soldiers. It was not fair, it was terrible, but when we learn to live with what we got and twist it around to make it work, life becomes acceptable.

5. Last but not least

Clint and Natasha. What these two had for each other was the love so intense and profound it went beyond boundaries of common relationship and left them devastated for the rest of their lives. And that, I tell you, is fucking magnificent.

To wrap it up, do I hate Endgame? Not at all. Simultaneously do I want to rewrite it? No, not in 14,000 possible ways except one in which the farm family somehow would get erased infinitely, accidentally, magically, whatever, and Natasha would live.

Wishful thinking, but why not?

[yeoldotcom]

oh sehun; part-timer

pairing; sehun x reader

word count; 3.1k

genre; fluff, part time worker au, cafe au

summary; where sehun attempts to talk to you but it doesn’t go as planned.

Coming into work had always been the sweetest escape for you. You didn’t particularly have a taste for it, but you had grown to love the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Making coffee had become something you took comfort in. The act alone relaxed you.

You expected to go into work today like usual: make coffee, greet customers, sell pastries, relax.

However, when you walked in, all your coworkers were crowded around the counter, talking animatedly. You raised a brow, wondering what they could be so excited about so early in the morning when your coworker and good friend, Jongdae, called out to you, “Y/N! We have a new part-timer!” He exclaimed, motioning for you to join them. A new part-timer? You didn’t even know you guys were hiring.

You made your way over to where the rest of your peers stood by the register and then your eyes landed on him.

He was talking to your manager, Mrs. Sams, in the back of the store. Although you couldn’t fully see him because you all were staring at him through the kitchen windows, you noticed that he was a lot taller than your manager. She was a bit more on the short side anyways, but standing next to him just accentuated that fact even more.

Your eyes just couldn’t leave him though. The way he stood there— gosh, he was only standing there— just made it impossible to look away. He was breathtaking.

The more you noticed, the more you were surprised that someone who looked like that could even exist. His eyebrows and just facial structure in general shocked you, along with his broad shoulders and amazing posture. And his hairstyle only added onto his handsomeness. What kind of planet did he come from? 

 “What do you think?” Jongdae whispered to you, “Is this one going to stay this time?” The last part-timer your job hired had lasted for a solid six weeks. That kid had a temper like no other and everything she did led up to her ultimate demise in customer service.

A customer that was not having the best of days came into the store, just looking for some hot coffee and a quiet place to relieve their stress. As soon as they started to order, the part-timer noticed a slight tone of hostility in the customers voice and automatically started to get angry at them. She told the customer that they shouldn’t have came to get coffee if they were just going to be rude and when the customer tried to defend themselves, that kid went over the edge. Safe to say, firing her was a good call.

“I dunno,” you responded back, your eyes still following the movements of the new part-timer, “I’d have to see how he handles today.”

“I have high hopes for him.” 

You nodded, letting out a sigh and finally moving your eyes away from him. You came to work, not to gawk at your handsome new co-worker. “Dae, c’mon, we should get to work,” You said, patting your friend’s shoulder. 

He rolled his eyes, “I’m sure you’re the only one that enjoys doing work here.”

You smiled at his comment. “People often say that’s my charm,” you replied, making Jongdae laugh at your pride.

Seeing you and Jongdae starting to clean up around the seating area of the café, your co-workers started to follow in your steps and start their work days as well. You all quickly got busy making sure everything was running smoothly so it was no surprise that no one really noticed your manager and new co-worker come out from the kitchen.

Mrs. Sams cleared her throat, gaining everyones attention, “First of all, good morning. I know no one likes coming in early on a Saturday but I haven’t heard anyone complaining so thank you for that. I just wanted to give everyone a chance to meet our new co-worker, Sehun.”

So his name was Sehun. Now you were just as eager to hear his voice since you knew his name. 

Sehun smiled, “Hello!” Oh my god, “My name is Oh Sehun and I hope we all will work well together from now on.” You couldn’t even begin to describe how amazing his voice was. The only coherent thought that formed in your head was how well it fit him.

Mrs. Sams started to introduce everyone to Sehun, going down the line of workers and saying their names and things she felt was important to know about them. 

Then she got to you, “This is Y/N. She’s probably our best worker just because she loves being here. She’ll be training you so watch what she does and follow her directions.” 

You smiled at him as his gaze landed onto you. For a second he didn’t react. He just stood there, gazing at you with a blank expression. Then, his reaction came. He slowly nodded as a small smile slipped onto his face. You figured he was probably just a bit nervous since he was going to to be training under the best worker in the coffee shop.

After Mrs. Sams introduced everyone, she clapped her hands together and announced that you would be opening in an hour and that you all should work hard to make sure everything is ready by then.

Everyone scattered around, going to their workspaces to get ready while Mrs. Sams pushed Sehun towards you. “Y/N, take care of him and mold him into a good worker!” She exclaimed, patting your back and walking into the kitchen, leaving the both of you ‘alone’. 

Suddenly nervousness washed over you but you shook it off. You had a job to do. You couldn’t be nervous now, “Uh, I guess I’ll show you around first.” He nodded and you both started on your journey around the store.

By the time the store was ready to be opened, you had already shown Sehun where everything was and you had just finished showing him how to use the register.

“Since we don’t have much time, I won’t go over how to use the coffee machine right now or anything like that. Usually between the morning and afternoon rush, we don’t get that many customers so I’ll show you then. Until then, just focus on the register,” You looked up at Sehun, “You think you can do this for now?”

He nodded, “Of course! I can do it. It’s only a register, I shouldn’t be able to mess this up.”

“Good. I’ll be right behind you if you need help so don’t be too nervous.” He nodded and soon after, the first few customers started to show up. “Welcome!” He greeted them cheerfully. You smiled to yourself, telling yourself that everything would go well, before walking over to the coffee machine and starting on the first few cups.

Although you didn’t have high hopes like Jongdae had, you still expected him to do a good job because you were the one who showed him around.

So it was a little surprising when you heard a beeping noise coming from the register a few minutes after the first few customers came in. “Um,” Sehun turned to get your attention but you were already peering over his shoulder, “I don’t know what happened.”

The register was put on lock mode because apparently Sehun did something that made it think it was being robbed. You softly smiled at him, “It’s okay. I’ll fix it.”

As you stood there pressing combinations of buttons, Sehun was profusely apologizing. It was almost hard to concentrate on what you were doing. “I’m really sorry, I don’t know how it happened. I did what you said but I still messed it up. And it’s so early too—“

Once the register was fixed, you pat Sehun’s arm, stopping him mid sentence, “It’s okay. You’re new so it’s okay for you to make a few mistakes here and there. Just do better next time, okay?”

He breathed out a sigh of relief, “I thought you were going to fire me.” More customers came in and before you could reply, Sehun was back to doing his job.

After the morning rush, you had mixed feelings about Sehun. He was handsome, yes. A hard worker, also yes. But somehow he kept messing you up. Whether it was breaking the register and making you have to help him, or accidentally bumping into you and making you drop things, or trying to start a conversation while you’re trying to concentrate on work. Practically any way he could, he was getting in the way.

But you knew it was accidental, so you couldn’t exactly treat him like a menace.

By the end of the day, though, you were exhausted. You had to run around, cleaning up after the messes Sehun made while also doing your own job and it really made your opinions about Sehun change. He was sort of starting to annoy you. It didn’t matter how handsome he was or how much he was trying to be a good worker. You were annoyed.

“Everyone!” Mrs. Sams called out, gathering everyone at the end of the day, “You all did a wonderful job today. Let’s work even harder tomorrow!”

You rolled your eyes, if you were to work any harder you’d have to get paid more. 

Everyone started to pack up their things to leave when Sehun approached you. “Y/N,” he smiled, “Thank you for helping me today. I’ll do even better tomorrow.”

You plastered a fake smile onto your face, “Yeah, of course. See you tomorrow.”

His smile widened, “See you tomorrow!” He opened his mouth to say something else but you had started to walk away before he could get it out. ‘I’ll just ask her tomorrow then,’ he thought to himself as you walked out of the store. He smiled to himself, thinking about the promise of spending tomorrow with you, before he started to pack up his things as well and leave.

Tomorrow certainly came quicker than you liked. You hadn’t slept for as long as you wanted but you still had to go to work so early in the morning. You smiled to yourself, thinking about going into work and being surrounded by the relaxing atmosphere. As you got ready, you were excited to go back into work like always, but then your mind drifted to Oh Sehun and the happiness left you.

By the time you got to work, you just wanted it to be over with. Jongdae immediately noticed your bitter mood, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You ignored his question, “Is Sehun here yet?”

A smirk found its way onto his face, “No, he’s not here yet. Why? Do you miss him?”

Your eyes narrowed, “Miss him? Why would I miss him? I’m just glad I get a few minutes of calm before the storm.”

“Calm before the sto—“ You started to walk towards the back room and a confused Jongdae followed, “What do you mean?”

“He’s a disaster in a human’s body. It’s like all he knows how to do is mess me up.”

“So I’m guessing you didn’t enjoy training him yesterday?”

You rolled your eyes at his comment. “Within the first few minutes on the job he almost broke the register. Of course I didn’t enjoy training him.”

“But you were staring at him so intensely when he first got here, I thought—“

“This is just a lesson to never judge a book by its cover. Although he’s cute, he’s a pain.” As you started to put your things away, you heard your coworkers (mostly the girls) greeting Sehun. You rolled your eyes, looking over at Jongdae with a look of complete annoyance, “Let’s get to work.”

Throughout the day, it seemed like Sehun kept trying to throw you off track. Every free moment you had, he was trying to talk to you. He would ask if he could watch what you were doing and then include his commentary on how good you were at your job. Then, when he noticed that you weren’t busy he would go over to you and try to start a conversation. And he did all of this while still learning the basics of the job!

It amazed you how he could do all of that while also irritating you to no end. 

A stress filled sigh escaped your mouth just thinking about it and upon hearing that, Sehun was right next to you. “Are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, just tired,” You answered with a tightlipped smile.

“If you need anything, just let me know! I’ll help you out,” he said with a determined expression and you laughed.

“You don’t even know how everything works around here. How would you help me?”

“I’ll find a way to help.”

“It’s fine. Just do your job and everything will be fine.” 

Sehun wanted to ask if he could talk to you after work, but just as you turned back to the coffee machine, Mrs. Sams called him over to look at something. He frowned but still followed directions and went to the manager.

For the whole day, Sehun was trying to find a way to talk to you but small things kept getting in the way. He would wait for you to finish whatever you were doing and then try to talk to you but a customer would come in and he would have to take their order. Or he would see you alone in the backroom and try to go up to you but once you saw him coming, you would go back to work. He was starting to think you didn’t really like him, but he didn’t want to give up! You just didn’t know him. If he gave you a chance to get to know him then you’d change your mind.

But when would he get the chance to talk to you?

“Are you paying attention, Sehun?” Mrs. Sams asked him.

“Huh? Oh, yes. Of course.”

The events for the next few days had become routine for you. You would go to work very stressed, try to ignore or avoid Sehun as you worked, and go home with even more stress. Wash, rinse and repeat.

It was getting harder to hide the fact that you thought he was annoying as well. Jongdae would try to help but there was only so much he could interfere with before you finally had enough.

“I think he’s cool,” Jongdae said to you as you both were in the backroom, “Maybe you just need to look at it from a different angle.”

“You only think he’s cool because he doesn’t spend all day following you around and annoying you,” you sighed. Unbeknownst to you though, Sehun walked right into the back room as you said that. At first he was confused about who you could’ve been talking about, but then you confirmed it for him, “I have experienced firsthand just how annoying Oh Sehun is.”

Jongdae looked as if he had seen a ghost, “Y/N, he’s not that bad.” He tried to fix the situation as he looked between you and Sehun but you were oblivious.

You scoffed, “You’re right. He’s not that bad. He’s worse.” And as you turned around to leave the room, you saw the subject of your conversation standing in the doorway with a hurt expression on his face.

“We need to talk.” Before you could object, Sehun grabbed your wrist and pulled you out of the room.

“Wait— I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were there!” You tried to apologize, gaining the attention of the rest of your coworkers, but Sehun didn’t let you go until you were outside and on the side of the café.

You pressed your back against the wall of the building, preparing yourself for whatever was going to happen next. You were never one for confrontation, which was why this situation was terrifying for you. You were caught talking about someone behind their back! You thought that he would, at least, yell at you or something.

But Sehun only let out a long sigh. 

“I can’t believe you think I’m annoying,” he mumbled, “That really wasn’t what I wanted.”

“Look, Sehun. I’m sorry,” you said as quickly as you could get out, “If you wan—“

“No, let me talk first.” 

You gulped as he took a deep breath, “I swear I wasn’t trying to be annoying on purpose but I can see where I went wrong. We got off on the wrong foot in the beginning because I was so terrible at my job since I was distracted and then all this time I was only trying to talk to you but it didn’t come out right.”

You stood there, watching as his brows scrunched together and he pressed his lips together. “This is just a big misunderstanding that could be solved if we just started over and tried to get to know each other better.”

You thought about his resolution, ultimately agreeing with the idea. As long as he didn’t beat you up or anything. “Yeah, I just had the wrong idea of you from the start,” you let out an awkward chuckle.

“Alright, so let me just get your number and then we could go on a few dates to become more familiar with each other,” as he spoke, what started off as a hint of a smirk but ended in a full blown smile appeared on his face. 

“Yeah, of cour—“ You paused, lifting your eyebrow, “What? My number?”

Sehun’s smile only widened, although he tried to hide it, “This whole time that I was ‘annoying you’, I was really just trying to find the perfect time to ask for your number.”

Oh my god. Wow, how could you have been so oblivious?! I mean, I knew because I’m the narrator but wow! That idea just flew over your head, didn’t it? “Oh god, Sehun. I’m so sorry,” you felt horrible but he just waved it off with a smile.

“It’s okay. You didn’t know and I could imagine how irritating it must’ve been to have me follow you everywhere,” he chuckled, “But you can make it up to me by going on a date with me.”

And after those words left his mouth, all of the feelings you had upon seeing him for the first time resurfaced. Oh Sehun wasn’t someone who was sent to the cafe to annoy you or sabotage your job. He was your cute, new coworker who just had the worst timing when it came to talking to you. 

And honestly, how could you be mad at that?

“Okay, Oh Sehun. I’ll go on a date with you.”