#it is so heartbreaking. there are so many people who love him in spite of it

[magnus-and-the-dragon]

the shelter i volunteer at sends out notices when an animal passes away or is scheduled to be put down, and I genuinely respect and appreciate the transparency, but also… fuck, they’re so jarring.

[love-is-patient]

I have religious trauma.

I was raised in a household where my dad wanted to be God, and so characterized Him in a way that left me constantly paranoid.

God was a judge, God was a debt collector, God was a hammer waiting to strike.

My mother was likewise delusional to a point. She used religion as a manner of control, manipulating my egotistical dad and our chaotic little world so she could feel better about herself.

I was abused in the church. I’ve been so many churches since childhood I can’t count them.

I was told I was possessed because I was a child with adhd and couldn’t sit still in a pew. I was told that if I didn’t see visions or speak in tongues, I wasn’t saved. I was told that I must be thinking about God at all times or I wasn’t good enough. That I was lukewarm, unlovable, unworthy.

I was too afraid to take communion. I cried and turned away from the altar multiple times because I was a too dirty to touch the offering.

I was told so many awful things that I grew up with a persistent religious paranoia on top of my already anxiety inducing life.

So… why am I still a Christian, after all of that?

Stockholm syndrome, right?

It would be easy to write it off as that, but I did turn away from religion. In the back of my mind. I stayed cautious in case God was still watching.

It wasn’t until I got rid of the destructive influences in my life that things changed.

My perception of God changed when I left the awful people using His name in vain- or for personal gain.

When I grew up, learned to be discerning about the character of people.

Many people live under the assumption that I did- that God is a tyrant who is waiting for you to mess up so he can smash you and send you to hell. Paradoxically, that almost makes Satan sound preferable.

But that’s not who God is, and he doesn’t want people to go to hell.

Even if you haven’t had good parents, you’ve seen what they’re like. They get excited to share experiences with their children. The first taste of lemon, the first puddles to splash in. First words, first laughs, first steps.

God wanted that for us.

Satan got jealous after his rebellion in heaven. He saw God had something good and wanted it for himself again - even if it was just to spite God.

He offered humanity a choice and we took it.

We can debate why it happened until we’re blue in the face, but what matters most are God’s decisions afterwards.

Everything that has happened since the fall has been God trying to bring his wayward children back without force.

Just like when you see that friend of yours making the same bad decisions day after day, and you know their quality of life would improve if they just stopped. It’s heartbreaking, frustrating. You can give them all the advice in the world but they’ll just keep on doing the thing and complain to you about every headache afterwards.

Now you know a little what God feels like.

Only God is a little more patient than we tend to be.

God doesn’t ask much from us, not as much as people, which is weird to think about.

God doesn’t measure your worth by how good you are at your job, how badly you do in school. He doesn’t equate your value to how rich or poor you are, he doesn’t judge you the same way people do.

The first thing he asks of you is to love him and love each other.

He loves us so much that he opened heaven again if we ask for it.

He came down as flesh and blood in Jesus and took all the punishments we should’ve had. In Jesus death and resurrection, we have a way home.

All he wants for us to do is acknowledge that.

He doesn’t hate you if you can’t pay tithe. He doesn’t talk behind your back if you make a mistake. He doesn’t demean, debase, abuse.

Why am I still a Christian?

Because God was there for me when people weren’t.

God didn’t abuse me as a kid, people did, and used God as a shield.

God didn’t lie to me, call me names, break my things - my parents did.

God didn’t order me to do unbelievable things in order to reach him - my pastors and teachers did.

God didn’t tell me I’m unworthy - people did.

Even if you don’t believe in God, if you’re angry at him, feeling hurt and betrayed.

Maybe take a closer look and see if it’s really the people around you making you miserable, instead of an untouchable, invisible hammer.

[laurenairay]

Got me in the palm of your hand - M. Tkachuk

Summary: Wedding preparations are always emotional.

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: mild angst

A/N: I love this song and I just felt inspired to write a little something. Enjoy!

Title from I don’t dance, by Lee Brice

~

I'll never settle down, That's what I always thought, Yeah, I was that kind of man, Just ask anyone, I don't dance, but here I am.

“How many more of these do we need to make?”

“Seeing as your family has about a 1000 people in it, we are barely a quarter way through,” you mused.

Taryn just groaned, throwing her head back dramatically.

“I love you, and I love Matty, but I am never doing this again,” she muttered.

“Hopefully I’ll never have to do it again either,” you teased.

That was the thing about weddings – there were a hundred things to do and nowhere near enough time to do them. Taryn had volunteered to come over to help you assemble the table centrepieces while Matthew and Brady went to pick up their tailored suits, and now that you’d finally sorted out the table plan, it was time to figure out decorations. It didn’t matter that Matthew was more than happy to splash the cash and hire professionals to take care of everything – there were just some things that needed a personal touch. Table centrepieces were easy enough, and what you’d been putting together wasn’t difficult, but with the amount of guests you’d invited? Turns out there were a lot of tables needing decorations.

“You know, I never thought he’d settle down,” Taryn said suddenly.

You inhaled sharply as her words sunk in, dread cutting through your body.

“What?”

You turned your head, frowning at your soon-to-be sister-in-law’s words.

“Do you want to elaborate on that, Taryn?” you said dryly, raising an eyebrow.

She flushed deeply, grimacing at your reaction, but you held firm. It wasn’t like you hadn’t known Matthew’s reputation when you’d first started dating him, the serial dater-and-heartbreaker, but to hear that from his sister? You couldn’t deny it stung a little.

“I really don’t know how to answer without digging myself a hole?” she admitted.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. You knew she wasn’t malicious or spiteful or even mean, but you needed more than that.

“I need you to say something, Tar, because right now my head is saying that this is Matty’s way of sneakily saying that he doesn’t want to get married.”

Because that was exactly what you were preparing for right now – the wedding that was only a month away. So the last thing you needed was the doubt that Matthew wasn’t as all in as you were – you needed to know.

“Oh my god, no, no way,” Taryn said quickly, shaking her head, “He absolutely 100% wants to marry you. That isn’t it at all.”

You let out a breath that was far shakier than you thought it would be and nodded. That was a slight relief at least. Still, you waited her out, needing her to finish her thoughts before you spiralled all over again. Matthew held your whole heart and for that brief moment that heart had started to crumble. Nothing had ever felt like that before.

“Matthew is a hopeless romantic at his core,” she eventually said, “You know that, everyone knows that. But he had such high standards for the person he envisioned spending the rest of his life with that I guess he figured he’d never find that perfect person, so he just dated casually, right?”

“Okay…”

You could see where she was going with this, so you nodded your encouragement.

“He dated casually, and often less than even calling it dating, all things I know you two have already talked about because he told me and Brady that he’d told you it all. It turned into him putting on a front, creating this image of someone who wasn’t a romantic, who didn’t invest himself in any relationship and it sucked seeing him that way. We just wanted him to be happy, you know? So when he started talking about you? We knew something had changed.”

“Really?” you found yourself asking.

Taryn grinned widely, making you laugh. “Yeah, really really. It took him a while, I’ll admit, old habits and all I suppose, but when he properly started talking about you? About all the dates and how beautiful you were and the way you were clearly filling all the voids in his life? Me and Brady were buzzing. When he finally told mom about you after that date he took you dancing? That was it, I knew you were it for him. He never dances for anyone. So yeah, I never thought he’d settle down because he wanted that fairytale. But he’s found that with you.”

The tears that filled your eyes didn’t hesitate to trickle down your cheeks, a soft whimper tearing from your throat before you could stop it. No-one had ever told you that’s how Matthew had spoken about you. And that was when she knew you were it for Matthew? That was years ago.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please don’t tell Matty I made you cry,” Taryn said, panicking.

“Happy tears, I promise. Happy tears,” you replied, shaking your head.

You wiped your face with sleeves, no doubt smearing mascara everywhere, laughing wetly as you tried to compose yourself. It didn’t matter how long you’d known the Tkachuk family – one of them always managed to catch you off-guard. And to think, soon enough, you’d be one of them.

Wasn’t that a thought?

“I’m really sorry. I’ve made an ass of myself and I really didn’t mean to,” Taryn mumbled.

That self-deprecating look on her face was so familiar that it made your chest ache, and you wasted no time in pulling her into a hug. Taryn immediately hugged you back, firm and loving, a Tkachuk family trait, making you laugh softly.

“I think this calls for a drink,” you said, once you’d eventually pulled away.

“Shit yeah, I’ll get us some beers.”

As Taryn walked out of the room, you unlocked your phone, tapping through to your message thread with Matthew.

To: Matty I love you. So much.

You didn’t have to wait long for a reply, phone buzzing within minutes.

From: Matty I love you more. So much more than Brady. He keeps whining that he’s hungry even though we ate two hours ago. How do you feel about sushi for dinner? I can pick up your favourites on my way home?

Yeah you really couldn’t wait to marry this man.

~

Spinnin' you 'round and 'round in circles, It ain't my style, but I don't care, I'd do anything with you anywhere, Yes, you got me in the palm of your hand, 'Cause I don't dance.

[antispopausandstuff]

still stuck on angella thoughts, so:

i imagine her first meeting with micah would be something like her protecting him from predators in the whispering woods ( let's pretend the woods are actually dangerous and not smth the show hardly ever puts thought into ) and bringing him to brightmoon to give him aid.

they're not super young ( probably somewhere in their late twenties ), but angella is still p young for an immortal, i think. likely lived longer than most people on etheria have, but you wouldn't think it.

due to people fearing her in the faraway past, angella doesn't show her true form to anyone on etheria. it weighs on her, the thought of being alone in this knowledge forever, knowing that she has lived on through so many and will continue to.

she's hesitant to get closer to micah, who definitely doesn't have a crush on her ( everyone knows ), but finds him and his desire for knowledge and adventure too endearing to ignore. it's a couple years later, when they're best friends, that they confess their feelings and angella tells about herself.

the heartbreak of outliving those you love and never being able to stop it. but she is not one for isolation. she tried, so many times, and it was the closest to death she had ever felt. how could she be so weak to reject the terms of her kind?

in spite, in foolishness, and in love, they get together. years later, they become married. then years more, glimmer is born.

and then micah dies. because of angella's plans.

glimmer grew up without a father. and the queen continued to grow as a widow.

there's a deeper pain that he died out of means beyond age. it was unplanned, unexpected, and so sudden. and entirely of her own fault.

isolation becomes easier after that.

her heart's smaller, but open for glimmer, always and forever. it's selfish, but a part of her is relieved her daughter won't live so shortly in comparison to the rest. maybe she won't be alone.

such a terrible wish, she knows.

the war stretches long, painfully so, and is there an end in sight? glimmer won't talk to her, the only person truly in her life, and how could she face castaspella after what she had done? could they win?

...and then she-ra comes by.

the queen keeps her at arms length. a horde soldier. but she sees how her daughter hopes and it persuades her almost immediately. if for no one else in the world, she will do it for her.

then she loves bow and adora, too. completely.

with that love, she tries to guide. she tries to lead. she tries to rule.

but the end comes and a young woman nearly throws her own life away. claiming this is her destiny. how could it be, when her life had just begun?

angella is scared. for the first time in her life, she isn't certain what could happen to herself. what would become of her? but it doesn't matter. it's either her or this light that inspired so many and now must take care of herself. and take care of her daughter.

"i'm coming, micah..."

the blast hurts. it burns into her skin, into her bones. her lungs are stinging and her throat is thick. her wings are torn apart. her heart splits into pieces, completely undone in the best and worst way.

...the queen does not reunite with her love.

emptiness. endless nothing. bright, but cold. so cold.

and all she can do now is watch from afar. alone.

a punishment worse than death.

[rynnthefangirl]

Thoughts on the first episode of HOTD Season 2:

-As expected, my hatred for Aegon has grown substantially since the previous season. I just find absolutely nothing redeemable about him. He treats war like it is a game, even though it will kill his people. A horrible king. I do enjoy his little brainstorming sesh with his frat bros about epithets-- a perfect example of his ego, and very satisfying knowing that he is in fact remembered as "Aegon the Usurper" and is considered one of the absolute worst kings who ever lived. Wish I could jump through the screen and tell him that.

-Also reminded of my hatred for Crispy Cole, which had cooled in the intervening time as I don't see many people stanning him or justifying him. But he really is just the biggest hypocrite. His reason for hating Rhaenrya is the exact thing that Alicent is currently doing. Another character with zero redeemable qualities.

-I liked Alicent lighting a candle for Luke. Alicent knows that she is in the wrong, that they all are, and a part of her does bitterly regret what happened and empathizes with Rhaenrya. But the tragedy of Show!Alicent is that she was ruled by her spite and jealousy for so long that by the time the consequences of the animosity she brewed start to come, it is too late to go back.

-Blood and Cheese was a disappointment. I don't care about the change to have Daemon send them after Aemond and not specifically Jaehaerys (as far as I'm concerned, if they are going to whitewash the Greens choices, they may as well do it for TB too). But the Sophie's Choice element was the most compelling part of the whole thing, and they just completely erased it. It was RIPE for adaptation too, what a wasted opportunity.

-So sad we didn't see more of Jace and Cregan. I get it, for pacing purposes we can't spend too long in Winterfell, but I feel like they could have had ONE deep and personal conversation between the two of them. Maybe Cregan could have told Jace about his little brother's death, and THAT is the convo that is interrupted with news of Luke's death. Would establish a bond between the two characters with minimal screen time AND plays well into Cregan's eventual role of helping Jace's own little brother ascend the throne. Alas... *sigh*. Though he and Cregan did have good chemistry, maybe they'll deviate from the books and revisit that later in the season/show since they had to cut the Winterfell visit short (I'm delulu).

-But on the other hand, the bits that we did get of Jace were so good! He looks amazing, him crying while delivering his report to Rhaenyra was just heartbreaking. I am so excited to see more of him, he is rapidly becoming one of my favorites.

-Rhaenyra crying over Luke's clothes broke me. I am so so sorry my love, my sweet Queen, I am so sorry that those nasty ass rats did this to you.

-Where are Aegon III and Viserys II :( I'm so desperate for content for them that I interpreted the exchange "Aegon the Strong" "that would be a better fit for my nephew" as a reference to Aegon III even though that doesn't even make sense.

-Overall I feel like it was a lot of setup, which makes sense. Besides B&C missing the mark, I enjoyed it okay, but there wasn't too much substance. Definitely more compelled by the TB side right now than TG, because there just much more emotional weight there.

[jubileemon]

Verosika Mayday was well-liked for her design and her history with Blitzo, being one of many people he had wronged in her past. However, some find her to be too spiteful and petty, having trouble feeling sorry for how Blitzo treated her.

Despite her career success and seductive prowess, Verosika's encounters with substance abuse and her history with rehab hints at a deeper struggle, possibly a search for meaning or stability amidst the chaos of her lifestyle. She is one of several individuals who have been wronged by Blitzo, as their shared history is marked by betrayal and heartbreak.

When Blitzo confronts Verosika in the recording studio she is shown to have a tattoo, a heart with the name "Blitz" written on it. Except now it has a big cross over it. It seems likely that she loved Blitzo, only for him to break her heart by stealing from her. That fact that Blitzo is so desperate to be loved and believes that no one in his life does love him makes it even sadder. He had someone that truly loved him and through his own self sabotaging antics turned that person into a bitter enemy.

In the episode 'Ozzie's', Verosika's musical confrontation with Blitzo serves as a cathartic moment for her character. Her lyrics paint a picture of a deeply hurt woman, reflecting on their broken relationship. As she sings about Blitzo, it becomes even clearer about how she was very hurt by whatever happened in their relationship. After pointing out what a selfish, unreciprocal lover he was, she describes him as "a reckless, heartbreaking freak".

It makes perfect sense for Verosika to accuse Blitzo of being a bad lover. After all, they were at a sex-centered restaurant in the Lust Ring. Regardless of what other ways he might've made a substandard boyfriend, sex is what the others there would've been interested in. She wasn't just insulting him to vent, she was insulting him to damage his reputation.

I mean, it's the Lust ring. The highest "virtue" in that ring is doing everything and anything to satisfy your lust. Therefore, helping somebody else satisfy their lust is also a virtue and expected behavior. So, doing the opposite of that, denying somebody their satisfaction is the greatest sin one can commit in the Lust ring. Add in that they are in Hell, which is looking at most things through the lense of transactions, and the behavior of which Blitzo is accused makes him look not only inattentive substandard lover but straight out thief and fraud. Because Verosika did her expected part of the deal, and Blitzo didn't do his. Nobody in Lust would care if he stole her money and car, but breaking her heart ("heartbreaking freak" part of the song) after not giving her anything in return for all the things she did to satisfy his lust? Horrible "sin" in that ring.

Despite getting to chew out her ex in a much better fashion than in "Spring Broken", Verosika still doesn't leave the episode on a positive note as she's last seen sulkily swirling a wine glass and taking a drink while Moxxie sings the rest of his love song.

[xoxoladyaz]

AU-gust, Day 3: Writer

TW: References to monster smut and genitalia, Shrek

Robin’s mad at him.

(Well, mad isn’t the right word. Frustrated? Annoyed? Shocked by his enduring stupidity? All of those are probably better options.)

“Seriously, dingus? You haven’t told him yet?!”

Steve anxiously ran his fingers through his no-longer perfectly-styled coif. “I’ve tried, Robin! It’s just kind of hard to tell the guy that you’re falling in love with that you write monster porn for a living!”

It had started when he was a senior in college, reeling from his break-up with Nancy and trying desperately to find anything to distract himself from his heartbreak. It was a total joke at first, trying to find the cringiest romances he could find and reading them with Robin as they got progressively more and more drunk on whatever cheap booze he’d squirreled away from Tommy that week. But then one night he found himself in bed crying when Matthias the Minotaur sacrificed his life for his one-true love and he couldn’t stand it because Matthias deserved a happy ending after everything he’d been through and Steve had read enough of these books, for fuck’s sake, he could write a better ending!

It was just a hobby for a while, a secret shame that got him through the doldrums of working for his father while trying to figure out what he wanted to do next. Steve could never keep anything from Robin, though, and while she initially teased him for writing “monster porn,” after she read one of his stories she demanded he submit it to some indie romance publishing houses and she didn’t give up until he had done so and now – well, now Steve was making a truly obscene amount of money off of his many, many monstrous and paranormal romance books (with Robin as his editor, of course) and had kissed his shitty parents goodbye.

(And if his pen name was his father’s name, which meant that anytime someone googled “Richard Harrington” the first thing that popped up were book titles like “Prisoner of the Gargoyle’s Heart” and not his father’s incredibly influential law office, well, that was just payback for twenty-five years of bullshit.)

The thing is, Steve isn’t even ashamed of it, not really. He’s always been a kinky guy, first of all, and besides, it’s not all about the sex (although his sex scenes are some of the best in the business and he hadn’t shied away from writing queer books when the rest of the world had.) What he liked most about the stories he wrote was that regardless of what his monsters had looked like, or lived through, or done in their past, or where they’d come from, they all found someone who loved them because of their differences - because of their monstrousness – and not in spite of it.

(And yeah, okay, he liked the sex stuff too. Who wouldn’t want to fuck a dragon with two dicks? Or Prince Titian, the golden-haired merman who had both sets of humanoid genitalia? Or Neptus, the half-man, half-octopus who had all those huge tentacles - )

“Dingus. Stop thinking about Neptus.”

“Huh?” Steve asked, shaking his head. “How did you - ”

“Because I know you, Steve Harrington, and there’s only one person slash fictional entity that you get that weird horny look for and honestly, I could have lived my entire life without knowing about your tentacle thing - ”

“ROBIN, it’s not – I don’t have a tentacle thing ­- ”

“ – but we can deal with your weird fetishes another day, right now we need to discuss why your boyfriend still thinks that you’re an accountant and the fact that you need to tell your boyfriend about your job so I can tell my girlfriend about my job so she understands why I need so much therapy and why I know so much about your sexual preferences - ”

“Jesus, Robin, I got it, I got it!” Steve stood and headed for his minibar. “Look, it’s not – it’s not that I don’t want to tell him, it’s just – people can get kind of weird about it.”

“Yeah, and those people suck,” Robin replied as she followed after him. “But Eddie isn’t Nancy or Tommy or Cheryl or Brad or Kel, he’s Eddie.”

“Yeah, world-famous-high-fantasy-author-Eddie-Munson! He’s, like, actually legit Robin! He’s won the Hugo Award twice!”

“He also likes to go to the Renaissance fair dressed up as a faun and annoy people by playing the pipes, Steve. And you’ve seen his weird monster dildo collection which I know you have too - ”

“I know, I know!” Steve exclaimed as he poured both himself and Robin a glass of Merlot. “I just,” Steve turned to face Robin and sighed. “I’m just scared, Robin. Like, it hasn’t even been that long but he makes me feel – I don’t even know, like, I haven’t felt this way about someone since Nancy, you know? And Eddie - this feels like it could be more than that. Like a forever sort of thing.”

Robin sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I know, dingus. And I know that people have you given you all kinds of shit in the past, but that’s not going to be Eddie. And if it is Eddie, I will kick his ass into the ocean and feed him to your squid-man.”

“Neptus isn’t a squid man, Robin - ”

/////

Robin was right, of course. Robin was always right.

(Except for when it came to best Marvel movie, she said Civil War when everyone knew that Thor: Ragnarok was the superior film.)

Anyways.

Robin was right, it was time for Steve to tell Eddie the truth. And Steve had known that too, knew that stretching it much longer than two months would probably end really, really badly, especially if Eddie didn’t take it well, but enough of his relationships (romantic and otherwise) had been ruined by people just not understanding or not caring enough to try to understand his stories or why he loved what he did, but Eddie was different. Successful and handsome and creative and intelligent? Sure, Steve had dated people who had all those qualities before. But only Eddie Munson spent hours on the phone with Steve’s friends, talking them through their D&D related problems. Only Eddie Munson showed up on their first date with flowers for Steve, when Steve was the one who normally had to go all out for his partner. 

And only Eddie Munson would learn Steve’s favorite Taylor Swift songs in his free time (instead of the latest Metallica or Ghost) because he wanted to make Steve smile, which is what Eddie was in the middle of doing when Steve finally worked up the nerve to tell him. 

“The stakes are high, the water’s rough, but this love is - ”

“Hey, uh, Eddie? I kind of need to tell you something,” Steve interrupted him as he walked into the living room, beers in hand.

Eddie stopped what he was doing at Steve’s entrance and beamed, setting his acoustic guitar off to the side. “Everything alright, angel?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I just – here,” Steve handed him a beer. He waited until Eddie had taken a sip (and swallowed) before continuing. “I, uh, well – look, we’ve been dating for two months now - ”

“Two months, three days and fourteen hours,” Eddie winked as he took another sip.

“ – and – right,” Steve flushed bright red at the look in Eddie’s eyes. “Right. Uh, anyways, we’ve been dating for two months and I just thought it was time to tell you and – okay, it’s not a big deal but it is kind of a big deal? But not what you’re probably thinking, I’m not, like, married or anything, I – I’m not an accountant, okay, I’m a writer!”

“I know.”

“ – not, like, a normal writer, I write – wait, what?” Steve gaped at Eddie. “You – what?!”

“Baby,” Eddie started slowly, his finger running in tempting circles around the rim of his beer, “you know I know people in the romance world, right?”

“I – what? You knew this whole time?”

“Yep,” Eddie shot Steve a sultry smirk along with another wink. “I knew exactly who you were when I asked you out, big boy. Or, I knew who Robin was and I put two and two together.”

“I – how?!”

“Baby, you didn’t even change your last name.”

Steve just sat there in stunned silence while Eddie continued to sip on his beer, a teasing gleam in his eyes. “But – I – and you’re okay with it?”

At that, Eddie’s smile grew a bit more serious, and he set his beer down on the coffee table so he could hold Steve’s hands in his. “Of course I am, sweetheart. You’re insanely talented, Stevie.”

“I – I write porn, Eddie. With monsters in it.”

“I know, it’s stupidly hot.”

“But you – it could hurt your career if people found out,” Steve said softly, sadly, squeezing Eddie’s hands. “People – people would give you so much shit, Eddie.”

Eddie squeezed back. “Steve, my nickname was ‘The Freak’ in high school. I was a poor kid with shitty parents who was raised in a trailer park. People have given me shit my entire life and frankly, I couldn’t give a flying fuck about what anyone said about you and your writing. If anything, people are going to ask me what the fuck someone as handsome and gifted as you is doing with someone like me.”

Steve snorted and Eddie let out a laugh. “I mean it! You’re like Prince Charming or some shit and I’m the ogre living in the swamp.”

Eddie froze for a few seconds before a maniacal grin overtook his face.

“Eddie?”

“Stevie, baby, have you ever considered a sexy Shrek retelling?”

“No. No.”

(“There’s an Ogre in His Swamp” was released on April Fool’s Day the following year. The author, Richard Harrington, posted a dedication in this book, the first of many that he would dedicate to his husband, E. W. Munson:

To my Ogre – thank you for being my happily ever after.)

[makeitastrength]

Slowly and then all at once

Chapter 2 sneak peek

Tim doesn’t much care for psychology. He never has. Especially when it’s being used on him.

Chen has absolutely no right to follow him around in the middle of the night and lecture him on what he should do or how he should feel. Isabel is his wife and he’ll never stop trying to protect her. Despite her betrayal, despite the heartbreak she’s caused, he loves her more than anything and he just wants her to come home. He just wants things to be okay again.

But they aren’t. And he’s not sure they ever will be. As badly as he wants to believe Isabel’s assertion that she really will go to rehab this time, deep down he knows he doesn’t. They’ve been down this road so many times and yet here they are, back in the same damn place; him trying to help her get clean and her promising she will.

In spite of it all, Tim has never felt like more of a failure than he does when Isabel confronts him outside the holding cell, the words I needed you and you weren’t there and now you never will echoing in his mind long after she’s taken away. He vowed to stand by her, to protect her, and he didn’t, and that’s something he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life.

After the dust settles and his anger fades into sadness and resignation, though, Tim is once again forced to admit to himself that Chen was right. All this time, he’s been trying to help Isabel and it’s only made things worse.

He remembers Chen’s words from a few weeks ago. Addiction doesn’t just destroy the addict. It destroys the family too. For months now, he’s been pretending he was immune from the collateral damage, that losing his wife hasn’t been slowly tearing him apart from the inside out. But the truth is, he’s been spiraling since the moment Isabel left and he knows he’s well on his way toward rock bottom. He came dangerously close to crossing a line he swore he’d never cross, and he scarcely recognizes himself anymore.

If it weren’t for Chen showing up to remind him of who he is and what he stands to lose, he’s not sure where he’d be right now.

It’s a strange feeling to have someone looking out for him. It’s not something Tim is accustomed to. He’s spent most of his life having to look out for himself, and the list of people he trusts to have his back is very short. But Chen – with her apparent inability to stay out of his personal life – seems determined to add herself to that list.

(Read chapter 1 here)

[olithetalker]

Speculation: Why many people find Ben Florian unlikeable

Okay so just for the record, this is essentially an analysis post on the Disney series - Descendants. Specifically on the character of Ben Florian, but more so about the reception of his character and why I think people have responded to him the way they have. Gonna be fairly longish so yeah. Anyways, hope you enjoy! :)

Introduction

Pretty much ever since I first saw Descendants, I have been a huge fan of Ben. (Which is no secret if you've read my blog ;)). I think Mitchell Hope did a fantastic job with the character, and his performance really drove it home.

So it's always been quite... Confusing to me that so many people don't like his character. Tumblr isn't too anti Ben, but on YouTube videos and on TikTok, a lot of analysis around him is typically quite negative. The charms of the character that I see and that really make the series for me, really don't work on everyone. And that's something I've found very hard to understand.

But as of a conversation I have had with @hannahhook7744.. I had an epiphany. As to why this character just seems to be a breeze of annoyance to many. And I think the answer lies in tropes and expectations.

First let's talk a bit about another character, a fan favourite - Audrey Rose.

What role does the character of Audrey Rose play in feelings of spite toward Ben?

I think most dislike for Ben stems from the story of his ex girlfriend -Audrey. We get shown it to some extent in the first movie, but it's much more explicit in the third.

In Descendants 1, Ben and Audrey were together. And while under the influence of a love spell cast on him by protagonist Mal Bertha, he performs a love song to Mal in front of the entire school. Naturally humiliating Audrey and breaking her heart.

After the performance, Mal and Ben start dating each other, much to Audrey's understandable anger.

The movie ends with Ben and Mal happy together and everyone is delighted about it yada yada. And then we get an entire sequel where Audrey does not make a appearance.

It's then in Descendants 3 that she makes a comeback. We see that she and Ben have been friends since childhood, and that she's still hung up on him.

Then, again publicly, Ben proposes to Mal. Mal happily agrees and everyone is delighted, except of course, Audrey. She is further heartbroken by this.

The devastation Audrey feels from losing Ben to a girl who literally enchanted him, causes her to have a emotionally moving breakdown in her bedroom, singing "Queen of Mean", a song about heartbreak from rejection.... At least that's what it's about at first.

It then turns into a song of vengeance. Audrey swears revenge on Mal and Ben for the ordeal she has been put through. She takes Malificient's sceptre from the Auradon Museum, and it changes her look, style of talking etc etc. She's a new person. A person hellbent on getting even with the two people who are (intentionally or not) responsible for her heartbreak.

And that's where we enter - the tropes.

The Tropes

The kind of character arc Audrey has had is pretty common. A girl gets her heart broken by a guy. Maybe he cheats on her. Maybe he breaks up with her in a unfair manner (like in this case). And the girl decides to get even with the guy and the "other girl" who has taken her place in his life.

Except... Here's the thing.

Most of the time in this story archetype, the guy really is a heartbreaking douchey thob.

I mean think of any time you've seen this storyline other than Descendants. When is the guy who has dismissed the girl ever really portrayed in a decent light?

In this specific situation, it's not that simple. Yes, Ben did break up with Audrey by publicly humiliating her. And yes, that's extremely brutal. But he didn't choose to. He was acting under a mind controlling love spell.

But nonetheless, this is probably the only instance where the guy breaking the girl's heart like that genuinely was not his fault. It's pretty odd to get a situation where the guy cheating on the girl really didn't willingly do anything wrong. But nonetheless that's what this is.

Ultimately 9 times out of 10, the role Ben plays in this archetype storyline really is of the bad guy. And so it is very compelling to see this the same way. To overlook how at least as far as the break up incident itself, Ben was not at fault, and just see him as the jerk who hurt Audrey.

Audrey's story is also relatable to real life stories too

Another thing which sadly does not go in Ben's favour either, is that this kind of story isn't just found in fiction. Art reflects life, and what Audrey is unfortunate to experience, for the most part, is all too real.

Many people are unfortunate to get hurt by their partners in real life through things like cheating, or just something involving a "other girl/woman". And the pain from this.... Is not forgettable.

And so I think a revenge fantasy of hurting the unfaithful person and their new consort is very common.

Add onto that that lines Audrey speaks in D3 are written to be relatable and impactful. ("There's nothing to lose when you're lonely and friendless, I won't let another person take advantage of me, the anger burns my skin third degree, now my blood's boiling hotter than a fiery sea etc)

I think with that, it's all too easy for victims of these sort of situations to project their own case onto Audrey's. To see Ben the same way they see the guy who hurt them. And in some cases, to see Mal as how they see their homewrecker, and perhaps want to see her get hurt by Audrey too.

And in real life, there is no love spell that makes people cheat against their will, like there was for Ben. People in reality who do the thing that Ben did really are responsible for their hurtful actions.

So ultimately, the sorts of real life people Ben is being associated to by viewers, aren't particularly decent.

Also, the revelation that Ben and Audrey are childhood friends just exaggerates all these feelings. The people who have been hurt by partners who actually had significant meaning to them are the ones who will naturally relate to Audrey most. And again, project their own experiences onto this girl and the people in her life.

The mistake Ben DID make; wrong but taken out of proportion

Ultimately, while what Spell!Ben did is the sort of thing that gets done all the time irl, it is also pretty evident that as I keep saying; he wasn't in control of himself when he did it. So for many people, even the ones who can relate to Audrey, that fact will be acknowledged.

But the truth is, there is a mistake Ben made. After the love spell was lifted, Ben never went to see Audrey to comfort her after what happened. No doubt that inaction would have fuelled the already existing heartbreak. I mean if Ben had had a word with her, maybe he could have given her closure and made her feel better. But he didn't.

There is no justification for this. Ben was in the wrong for this failure.

But it should also be considered that Ben isn't a 40 year old man who has just left his wife of 10 years. He is a teenager. He is still developing in terms of maturity.

Communication, especially about difficult topics, isn't something teenagers are the best at. I mean if Ben were to approach Audrey, we can tell that it would have clearly been very understandably awkward for him (again, not an excuse, but a point to consider). I mean, if you had just done something so awful to your childhood friend/ex girlfriend, regardless of whether or not it was your fault, approaching someone who you'd expect is probably very angry about it is quite unnerving.

But none of these factors would be considered by a lot of audience members, and for understandable reason:

Because of the tropes, expectations and their personal experiences, they are pre set to see Ben in a negative light. So the thing he WAS wrong for, they understandably will find it harder to empathize with and see from his perspective.

[insomniac-101]

I have to say, after having gone out of my way to see what the alternative interpretations of the overall plot of the RTD era are on YouTube and reddit, it confuses me how often I see people fall into the trap of thinking that the 10th Doctor is the hero of his story. A mere victim of circumstance that was undeserving of the end he got.

Although we see him do many heroic acts throughout his run, he is not incapable of doing any wrong. And when I say this, I mean way before the time lord victorious arc.

He is not faultless. He is capable of making selfish decisions and calls. At times he makes decisions not because it's what's best for the people around him, although he tries to convince himself otherwise, but because it makes him feel better knowing that it is no longer his responsibility to deal with. That it is more comfortable to ignore the problems around him, then confront them because that would mean acknowledging it's existence.

Hell one of the biggest examples of this is the tension filled interaction Rose and Sarah Jane had upon first meeting. That in turn, arose because the two women unintentionally took out the frustration they had towards him, on one another.

The doctor should have told Rose that she was not his first companion.

The fact that Sarah Jane had to find out through Rose, that he had not mentioned her, in spite of the deep friendship they once shared, is heartbreaking and rightfully a reason why she was so frustrated upon finding out. Here you have, the most wonderful man who so suddenly disappeared from her life, come back by chance and she's so excited! Elated to see an old friend who she feared had suffered something terrible given he never visited, only to be confronted by the reality that he indeed moved on. In her place, a young woman who is both pretty and brave who up until now was unaware she wasn't the only one.

And Rose, finding out that he had a history of leaving behind his companions without even the bare minimum: a proper goodbye, felt uncomfortable at the revelation. Because again, the uncertainty of the nature of her relationship with the doctor is likely a touchy subject, given that he has a habit of withholding his feelings. So here she is confronted by someone who personifies that very possibility. Someone who appears to have been close to him at one point, but yet he so callously left behind and never mentioned. She is left to face this fact with no warning, no reassurance, and no real reason to believe that she is the exception. All while Mickey, taunts her about it.

So can someone explain to me why people boil down this very nuanced interaction into a cat fight between two jealous woman who were in love with him? When in reality:

1) Sarah Jane never indicated that she cared for him in that way. Her jealousy does not stem from romantic interest, but from the hurt she feels at having been thrown out and replaced by a person she considered a beloved friend (in her perspective, because again the Doctor has yet to give a valid explanation)

2) Both were justified in feeling wronged, and from how easily the two make up, it is quite obvious that the interaction was not that deep. Both were mature enough to realize that the problem was in fact, him, and even bonded over it lol (talk about girl power)

Because again, the narrative demonstrates the perspective of the three involved but subtly separates the time lord's perspective from that of the humans. After all, this is the episode where the inevitable truth that one day Rose will die is confronted, and so it's not far fetched to think that this was indeed the intention.

We humans don't have long to live. We're aware of that fact. And so, we derive value from such inconsequential formalities such as goodbyes because we reason that it's best to anticipate never having another chance to say it. To a time lord, this is silly given how long they live. They are guaranteed a regeneration in the case they die, and given how very little time they spend with him on average (not lasting more than a few years, or until they die) he doesn't see it as wrong to leave without saying anything, because they can move on. Live a normal life, have a family, and have security.

His life is not one that grants him that privilege of hanging on. He knows what happens when humans die, they cease to exist and out of the duty of preserving his own sanity, he leaves them long before it ever reaches that point.

So with that in mind, the episode makes both sides confront these two drastically different perspectives. If it had been merely a romantic tiff between the parties involved, then the first question Rose would have asked is what are we? But no, what truly bothers her is how easily he can simply forget the people he claims to treasure.

"how many of us have been traveling with you?"

"does it matter?"

"it does if I'm just the latest in a long line"

The doctor makes them feel special. Valuable. Irreplaceable. She assumed that what they had was special, but upon seeing what happened to Sarah Jane she begins to reconsider. Viewing herself as a mere assistant or friend, rather than something more.

"I've been to the year 5 billion, right, but this... Now this is really seeing the future. You just leave us behind."

She doesn't assume she is above Sarah Jane, or that she is more important. If her hurt had been out of mere romantic interest, she would have asserted herself as his partner. Someone that is owed an explanation because they chose to take part in a relationship. But no, she advocates for herself and Sarah jane.

Mentioning how he never mentions her in spite of having been so close to her once. To her assumption, perhaps on the same level.

When she asks if he will do the same to her, he tells her that no she's the exception but that is not enough of an answer. She wants to know why she was never mentioned because it's important to them, to know their place in his life. She never threatens to leave, but the least she deserves is an explanation so that her heart doesn't suffer the backlash. They give him the time and patience to be honest about his intentions, not out of the threat of leaving but out of sheer decency.

But one of his main flaws is that he has this knack of withholding feelings, because he fears the repercussions that may come from giving in to said endearments. He's emotional and incapable of repressing said feelings, the complete opposite of what is expected of a time lord. He should be above this, according to his people. And yet with a body born out of the love he holds for humanity, can one really blame him for the internal battle he is experiencing?

Well we can confidently say that the episode ends with the conclusion being he can suck it up lmao.

Because when presented with the chance at achieving godhood, he almost caves. Not because of the power that it grants him, but because the thought of no longer experiencing loss is something he craves given how traumatized he is by it. This is what separated him from other time lords, thus showing that he is indeed capable of growing and maturing. But ultimately it's not him who makes the call. He has to be reminded by Sarah Jane, someone he hurt deeply by his inconsiderate actions, that the pain and loss matters. That it defines us just as much as happiness and love but that eventually everything ends, but that in itself is not enough of a reason to avoid it.

Because it's that pain of having left her behind that allowed him to find other great people and change lives. And in return, it's that pain that also allowed her to pursue a life that is just as great. Granting her a son of her own and the opportunity to help out in a manner fitting of her.

Had the episode been advocating for his perspective, he would have been validated in his assertion that he should avoid pain at all costs. But no, the episode ends with Sarah Jane finally getting the farewell she wanted. No longer allowing him to run from the issue, but instead, confront it.

Not to mention, it can also be asserted that he took this lesson to heart given that later on he even burns a sun in an attempt to grant Rose that final goodbye. And he makes it clear to the companions after her, that there had indeed been companions prior to their time on the TARDIS. A brilliant young woman by the name of Rose Tyler that inspires him to keep going, being one of the many.

His treatment of his companions is something that the narrative often criticizes throughout the RTD era. Ranging from the manner in which he unintentionally takes them for granted, explored heavily throughout Martha's time on the TARDIS and how he often decides what is best for them without asking. Time and time again we are shown that the doctor is flawed. That he makes mistakes and is capable of falling into the same problems humans do.

By him insisting to impose his views of situations in the manner a time lord would, he dismisses the importance of human customs which in turn, heavily affects the outcomes of his relationships. This is why the lives of the people he holds close often improve after they leave. Because while they embrace the change of perspective they have while exploring the universe, he stubbornly refuses to do so. Instead feeling comfortable in the self pity and misery he imposes on himself and unintentionally pushing away the people who love him. It is no coincidence that he falls into the same bad habits of self hatred his ninth self was privy to after Rose is taken from, because with the reason of his initial change being gone, he is left to heal on his own from scratch.

All this to say that the story the RTD era is not one that is always explicit. It's relationships are often filled with many subtle details that allow for numerous interpretations. However by not acknowledging the faults and shortcomings of all the characters alongside the good, you risk taking away the nuance that makes the story so special.

[yantalia545]

Yandere America, Russia, England, Japan, and Austria ((and if possible China)) all find out that there darling is in head over hills in love with Prussia not caring if he's not a country anymore she loves him because he's awesome and makes her smile whenever he's around and one day hopes to merry him even ((oh and the darling is also a country too))

Since you asked so nicely, I wanted to get this out for you as soon as I could. I hope it's to your liking :) I'm a little stuck on China though and didn't want this post to be too long, so unfortunately I think I'm going to leave China out of this one.

Austria:

Honestly, Austria couldn't see how you can find Prussia to be more charming than him. Prussia was loud, unorderly, and just plain annoying. There were times when Austria was sure that Prussia was only with you in the first place to spite him. After all, the feeling of losing to Prussia was more than enough to create a strong sense of humiliation in him.

Austria however, won't let Prussia get away with this little prank of his this time. You may be fooled by Prussia's ways for now, but Austria is determined to make you see that he is a much better option for a woman like you.

He'll try to show you that he is much more mature and well-mannered through his works of art and music. People will begin to notice that Austria had placed a major hold on his duties in place of working diligently on creating the perfect piece just for you. He works tirelessly to string together just exactly how he feels about you into a perfect synchronized melody.

This will definitely create friction, not only between the three of you, but for anyone else affiliated with you three as well. There will be a division between who is cheering on who. On one hand, other countries feel for Austria and the hopeless romantic feelings he harbors for you. On the other, they were moved by your dedication to someone regardless of status. The remanence of that day when you proclaimed your love for Prussia against his own fears of not being good enough for you was truly heart wrenching.

Germany especially will be pulled into the middle of this dispute since he is their stronger, older brother, and both would want his support if things went south.

Not to mention, that Hungary is standing off to the side boiling with rage and jealousy. She feels as if you came in and took the man she loved so deeply. After all, she was married to Austria at some point and looked after him for many years. They may have only been married for political reasons, but she still held hope in her heart that one day Austria would wake up and find his feelings for her. Let's not forget that you decided to run off with Prussia of all people. Someone else who Hungary held deeply. She feels enraged thinking that you came in and stole her place in both of their hearts and is determined to make you pay.

All in all, this will definitely be one tricky and tense situation for anyone involved. There won't be threats of war since it's not really Austria's thing and Prussia doesn't have that sort of power, but fighting and heartbreaks between personifications are sure things to happen here.

What Austria is especially good at though is negotiations and political marriages. It wouldn't really surprise anyone, (but maybe Hungary), that he would try to solve this issue through marriage and would try time and time again to get you to sign a marriage contract with him. All in an effort to tie you to him and take Prussia out of the picture once and for all.

Japan:

Japan would be very conflicted over the matter and wouldn't know exactly what to do. Prussia is known to be a close friend of Japan and is even someone who he respects. Even so, he can't help but feel envious for Prussia winning your heart.

Japan hides his feelings for you well in an effort to congratulate his dear friend. However, he can't help the stinging in his heart whenever he listens to Prussia's blabbering about your relationship. Since the two of them are so close, Japan is very familiar with the struggles that Prussia went through before the two of you got together. He wanted to be happy for his friend, but why did Prussia have to be in love with you of all people? It felt like fate was against him here.

While Japan understands that the two of you are not very close and that you may not even realize that Japan has feelings for you in the first place, he can't help the irritation bubbling inside him at the fact the you love Prussia over him. He wants a close relationship with you so badly, but every time he's tried to approach you, he freezes up and becomes too flustered to hold any real conversations with you.

How can one help it when you just seem so beautiful and perfect in his eyes?

Japan just really wants to make sure to leave a good impression on you and gets too scared that he's going to mess it up. He was isolated from other countries for a few hundred years, so it's only natural that he's not the most in touch with socializing. He had hoped that you would have seen through this little barrier of his, but it seemed that you didn't and were swept away by Prussia instead.

He'd try to bury and contain his feelings for you in any way he could. But even so, it was like you had somehow pledge his mind. There will be many nights where he'd be alone and taken over by his bottled feelings for you and have a strong need to relieve these feelings. Japan will have a collection of various arts dedicated to you such as painting, secret manga series, and even wood carvings and dolls. It's a dirty secret of his that he makes sure is secured under lock and key.

Although, as the fate of all things kept secret, his feelings for you will one day slip.

Maybe he was tried after pulling another all nighter of making his latest masterpiece of you and was being visited by Prussia. He would just be going on about their relationship when Japan suddenly says something impolite and out of character for him. When he realizes what he had just said, everything pretty much starts to go downhill from here.

Japan may try to remask his feelings for you but it won't hold for long. Once the lid to his bottled emotions was loosened, there's no stopping the trickling of his true feelings. Once he realizes he's been found out about, (possibly finding his hidden collection), Japan will snap completely and play sorta dirty over you.

He knows that Prussia is in no position to protect you from any real danger and you're military is no where near his abilities. So Japan may just skip any actual economical scheming or threats of war and just up and kidnap you.

If the two of you are smart, then you'll know that fighting him would be near suicide. If not, and you choose to try to fight back or Prussia tries to receive help from his brothers, then Japan is always capable of threatening (and or) going through with his threats of destroying your country and your people. After all, if you're dwindled down to the same status as Prussia, then you really won't be able to do a thing against him.

England:

You choosing Prussia would annoying him like no other. He already saw Prussia as unwitted, prude, and just down right obnoxious. Like Austria, England wouldn't be able to wrap his head around how you could ever fall for someone like Prussia over him.

England was well educated, treated you very gentlemanly, and even spent mass amounts of effort to include your smaller country in high-end business meetings and trades that benefitted your country tremendously. Even so, you choose this glorified nobody over him.

Okay, maybe the way he treated you was a bit more glamorous in his mind than in reality, but he really is trying here. He'd try to compliment or help you, but he didn't want to seem too desperate or clingy and would insult you on accident instead. Those who were close to him understood his actual feelings but unfortunately, you were not.

As a result, It drove him obsoletely crazy when you confessed your feelings for Prussia in front of everyone.

At first, England could only sulk and throw insults your way. He'd go on and on about how you've sunk so low, or that you don't actually love Prussia and that the only reason you're with him in the first place is because you know you can't do any better than a nobody like him. When he said that last bit, he may have received a well-deserved bitch-slap... :)

As time goes on, England will only be seething with more rage and jealousy. Others close to him have tried and tried again to coax him into letting you go, but he's just too damn stubborn. Interference with your relationship from England in bound to happen eventually.

One day, England will get the most delicious idea he's ever had and he can hardly contain his excitement when he finally puts it all together. If you won't come to him yourself, then he'll just have to make you.

As a member of the great nations, he has a vast amount of wealth and power. Definitely more than you or Prussia combined. He can use this to his advantage and sabotage your reputation.

Do you get most of your resources from international trade? Well now he's overbought important recourses you buy so the prices are inflated or just unavailable. Are you a country of vast agriculture? Somehow there's been a deadly fungus taking over your crops and making it difficult to feed your people. The list of England's torment reaches no end.

You're not a wealthy country, so these handicaps he's created have made what little resources you could obtain from difficult to just downright impossible for you to possess. You'll become weaker and poor. Drained from the mass amount of pressures that England has created for you.

However, it's not enough for England to just be with you anymore. He passed that point a long time ago and is a man with a touchy ego. What he desires most now is for you to completely give in to him both country and self. So that you could never obtain the power to do something so vile against him ever again.

Russia:

These were truly grueling times for a lot of people. Russia was currently at his peak for power and seems to be occupying more countries with each passing day. Due to Russia's rise in power, it would only spelt disaster for you and Prussia.

The two of you had banded together during these difficult times so that life forced in Russia's house wasn't as bad. At least together, you and Prussia could find comfort in eachother during the small moments the two of you would to have together.

Russia was already all over you, as you were his favorite for seemingly unknown reasons. He'd call on you for just about anything; Bring his food, fix him his drinks at the end of a long day. Even just ordering you to keep him company on the days he has a lot of paperwork to do.

On the fateful day he finds out about your secret relationship with Prussia, all hell breaks loose.

There is no hesitation in Russia's actions as he quickly pulls the two of you apart. Not a single word is uttered from Russia as he starts wailing on Prussia with his metal pipe that he's seemed to pull from out of thin air.

Prussia will forever be haunted by the dead look in Russia's eyes. It was as if what little light Russia had left in his heart was sapped from his body. Leaving nothing behind but an hallow shell of a man. All you can do is cry as you helplessly beg Russia to stop. He was much bigger and stronger than you, so there wasn't much you could do to stop him.

When Russia finally notices you, his whole figure shift as if a fire had been lit inside him. He'll forget about Prussia in the moment and focus on how to punish you.

You did break his heart after all. You must pay.

Without a second thought, (or maybe without thought at all), he'll throw you over his shoulder and drag Prussia's batted form down to the cellar.

That was the last time you saw Prussia. You know he's still locked in the basement but you're unable to see him. Russia now has you glued to his side 24/7. You're forced to follow him in every activity he does no matter how mundane or secretive it is.

You're not in a position to deny him.

Even when Russia's power was slowly diminished and the others were freed, you seemed to be the only one that Russia could not stand to let go. Not even America could get him to budge.

Prussia would be forced to watch you sadly from the other side. Powerless and unable to help you escape from the loving prison Russia seems to have encased you in.

America:

Despite the fact the Prussia and America have a great bond with eachother, they're both still very competitive people. You're just the biggest thing they've competed over and neither of them are willing to lose this time.

It was well known by everyone that they both shared feelings for you. After all, neither of them are very secretive about their feelings and practically threw themselves at you whenever you're around. They'd actively try to outdo the other in an attempt to impress you. When the day comes that you openly choose Prussia over America, things become very awkward and tense.

America doesn't acknowledge, or rather, respect, the fact that you're in a relationship with Prussia. He won't only not back down from trying to show off to you at any chance he gets, he's now trying to tie the two of you together through contracts and alliances in hopes that he can persuade you into leaving Prussia for him. You've tried to tell him off many times and Prussia has even started fist fights in an act to get America to back off, but even that doesn't seem to shake his determination he has for you.

Like all the other nations in this post, America is well aware of the fact that Prussia is powerless in comparison to them and is going to use that fact to his utmost advantage; Regardless of how dirty and cruel it may seem. What America also recognizes is the fact that personifications are not like normal people and are forced to bend to the will of their people; Especially their bosses.

There comes a time where America realizes that if you won't give in to him and his wonderous ideas, then he can always go over you head and straight to the main head of your country. Your boss would be thrilled to make connections with America. Anyone would be really if they were only looking surface level.

America is the most powerful country there is with it's mass wealth, technology, and culture. It seems almost like a no brainer to your boss and signs you away without even a second opinion from you.

He sometimes will feel some sort or remorse over how your boss practically threw you under the bus in order to deepen his own pocket and makes sure the man pays some sort of penalty for it in the future. America also gives you a bit more freedom in this situation than he would in any other scenario with you.

America would treat you extra well and shower you in anything your heart desires. He even allows you to still attend meetings and retain any connections you had previously with other countries. Besides maybe a select few such as Prussia (obviously), Russia since he's not on good terms with him, and most likely Germany in fear that he may sympathize with you or his brother and meddle with all that America has done.

Life with him will be luxurious, yet stiffening as America slowly sinks his teeth further into your politics and international affairs to match his ideologies and goals.

[animatorweirdo]

Under the star-filled sky

The former elven prince, Maglor, lives a lonely life as a vampire after his misfortune of taking his brother's place and escaping Morgoth's captivity. But one night, the cold snowy wind brought him his fate.

Warnings: mentions of violence, torture, death, suicide, turning into a vampire, blood. Don't worry this has a wholesome ending.

-------------------------------

It all began before the birth of the sun and the moon when the Noldor arrived in the vast lands of Beleriand and lost their high king Feanor to the attack of the Balrogs. Morgoth had sent an embassy to offer a peace treaty and promised to surrender the silmarils. However, Maedhros, the newly crowned high king, and his kin doubted the Black enemy's words, even though he desired to have the silmarils returned. Sensing treachery, Maglor volunteered to go in his brother's stead so they would not lose another high king to the dark lord’s tricks. Maedhros objected to the idea, but after deep persuasion, he allowed his brother to go.

As suspected, the dark lord had sent a larger force than agreed upon to meet with Maglor's embassy, slaying all of his guards and taking him as a captive. 

Morgoth sent out word that he would be released if they forsook their war and left Beleriand. Though devastated by the loss of his younger brother, Maedhros refused out of spite and mistrust of the enemy's word and thus began the long terrible years of torture for Maglor Feanorion.

He endured many terrible things at the hands of his hosts. He held on to his pride and hoped he would eventually escape, but his resolve slowly crumbled each year until the enemy ruined the most precious thing for him—music.

He fell into deep despair, and in his madness – he attempted to free himself through death. However, Morgoth in his cruelty did not allow him such a thing and forced the prince to drink the blood of vampires, which healed him of his wounds and saved him from death. It also resulted in him turning into one of the wretched creatures, giving him fangs and turning his arms into large wings. 

Despising what he had become yet seeing a chance of escape – Maglor broke free from his chains and escaped the Iron hell in the form of a great bat. He flew away through the night sky, never to be seen among his kin or anywhere else. 

He did not dare to return to his kin as he was now one of the wretched vampires. He found his home in a lonely forest and hid away from the sun and the prying eyes of elves and humans who arrived soon after the birth of the sun and moon. He only came out at night to feed on fruits and berries his body allowed him to eat — not willing to quench his hunger with blood even though it made his body weak and sometimes sick. 

He could not bring himself to sing anything beautiful. The enemy had twisted the meaning of music into something dark and terrible where it would only hurt his ears. He also suffered an injury to his throat, where prolonged use of his voice would cause him severe pain to his throat. He could talk, but he could no longer sing. 

It broke his heart to lose the gift he was born with, but he couldn't let go of his love for songs and music, so the only thing he could do was humm soft melodies filled with sorrow and loneliness.  

Those who happened to pass through his forest and hear his sorrowful humming would be struck with sorrow and not dare to try to find him, not out of fear but to avoid causing further heartbreak. Through those people, rumors were born, and he was known as the Weeping Spirit of the Forest. 

Many years pass. Maglor yearned to see his family again yet was fearful since he no longer resembled one of the Eldar. He held no doubt that they would see him as a monster and take his life since creatures and the thralls of Morgoth are not to be trusted. 

It felt like a punishment for his crimes — to live his immortal life as a monster, never to be welcomed by anyone. He was forever alone until...one night. 

He was seated on a tree branch, eating berries and pomegranates he managed to find during his flight. The tangy yet sweet taste of the red fruit graced his lips as he munched through the skin with his teeth, spitting out the inedible parts and enjoying his nightly dinner. Flying and his keen senses made it easy for him to find food, and he did not mind eating fruits and berries — it made him feel somewhat like the elf he used to be. 

It was a quiet night, like always, but then something happened. 

His long furry ears caught running, and suddenly a brush of cold wind blew against him, making him shudder from the sudden cold. 

Something suddenly appeared from the forest. Maglor was startled yet intrigued as he laid his eyes upon you. Your skin was covered with patterns of frost, and your claws looked like they were carved from ice — sharp and deadly. A row of sharp teeth filled your mouth, and you had eyes pale as the moon. 

Maglor was curious as you looked human, yet your appearance made it clear you were not. You were a creature he had never seen before, a creature of snow. 

You snapped your eyes toward the vampire on the tree branch and were captivated by what you saw. 

His messy dark hair curled and nearly glowed in the moonlight, resembling dark waves of the sea. Two large bat wings hugged his body, and your nose picked up the scent of berries and pomegranates emanating from his hands. You could see two fuzzy ears peeking out beneath his hair while his silvery eyes glimmered like two bright stones in the darkness.

You were mesmerized, to say at least. You do not believe you have seen someone so beautiful before— especially a vampire. From the length of his hair and the shine in his eyes, you could tell he used to be an elf. Only they would possess such light behind their eyes.

Maglor grew anxious as you two locked eyes with each other. He grew frightful by the sight of blood that covered your claws, so he dropped his food and prepared to fly away. 

"An angel?" you gasped with your slightly distorted voice. 

Maglor stopped when he heard you say that. He has never heard anyone say such a thing about him. He was baffled and filled with newfound courage as he turned to look at you. 

"Wait..." he started with his quiet voice. "You're not...afraid of me?" he questioned with a curious frown. 

"Not at all..." you answered with a smile. "I think you're one of the most beautiful creatures I have seen on these lands so far," you stated, wonder reflected in your moonlike eyes. Maglor felt his heart beat faster as he sensed no lies in your voice—you said it wholeheartedly and with earnest sincerity.

“Oh! Forgive me! That must have been rude of me,” you looked down in shame. "Why...why would you think that?" Maglor questioned, startled to hear such a thing. 

"Well… we just met, and my hands are covered in blood. I must be disgusting to look at," you motioned to your bloodied hands, speaking lowly of yourself. Maglor felt his heart twist in pain. "I don't think so at all," he said, making you look at him. "You... don't think I'm disgusting to look at?" you asked. "No," he shook his head. "I think you're very sweet, like a gentle snow breeze, and the icy patterns on your skin remind me of the finest art I have ever seen," he said, feeling himself become bolder.

"Oh," your face warmed up from the sudden praise. You couldn't help but giggle and release a shy smile. 

Maglor felt his heart skip a beat and his face warm up when he realized what he said, but when he saw your smile — he couldn't help but smile bashfully in return. A sense of shyness overtook him, a feeling he had not experienced for a long time. It was a surprising yet wonderful feeling.

And thus– the lonely night prince was no longer lonely as he found his fate intertwined with yours, an edain with a strange curse.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Marsilio Ficino to Giovanni Cavalcanti, his unique friend: In the book in praise of Philosophy, which I wrote this year for Bernardo Bembo, the Venetian ambassador, I tried with many arguments to show that Philosophy teaches all things. I ought to have made the one exception, that she does not teach us how to live with princes. For if she forbids this altogether, as indeed she does, she cannot teach us how. She altogether forbids it, it seems to be, since she commands the opposite; for in discovering the love of truth she surely requires a tranquil mind and a free life. However, truth does not dwell in the company of princes; only lies, spiteful criticism and fawning flattery, men pretending to be what they are not and pretending not to be what they are.

[emphasis mine]

Ficino out here just being utterly scathing in his fury and heartbreak about politicians being Like That.

This is basically a two-and-a-half page long screed about princes and their many, many faults - particularly focusing on princes who throw their former tutors under the bus.

It is worth considering those great philosophers whose memory we cherish who would have been far more successful than others in living with princes and kings if only Philosophy were able to teach men that [temperance, prudence etc.]. I shall not describe how the young Octavian, being ungrateful to the services of his friend, the distinguished philosopher Cicero, handed him over for no good reason to his unscrupulous enemies for execution. Nero condemned to death without cause his own teacher, the venerable philosopher Seneca. Alexander, king of Macedon, is said to have thrown his own teacher, the philosopher Callisthenes, to the lions, simply because he was often torn to shreds in argument.

Ficino goes on. The original ending of the letter to Giovanni is:

But allow me to return now to philosophers to conclude my discourse. Let no one be so ignorant of man's capacity as to believe that he can play the part of philosopher fitly and freely, and at the same time live with safety and serenity in the company of princes.

Like woooo boy was Marsilio on a RAMPAGE that day. Just tearing it up on the page. Telling, too, that he writes this letter to Giovanni and evidently trusts him enough to do it.** Sure, it was likely written in 1476, two years before the Pazzi conspiracy, but a) people keep letters and b) even in '76 it would have landed him in hot water.

[** this is me vague-ing an essay I read the other day where the author was like "yeah, it was one sided pathetic, desperate love on Ficino's side. nothing more." my dude, Marsilio was out here writing letters to Giovanni that could have got him hanging from a window next to Jacopo Bracciolini, Salviati and Francesco Pazzi. Pretty sure there was some mutual love and trust happening. I cannot over emphasize how careful Ficino was in his writing, especially his correspondence. Anyway.]

An interesting note is that after the Pazzi Plot occurred, the ending Marsilio included that is basically like: obviously the Medici are different, they're "something greater and more sacred [than princes]. For their singular virtues and great merit deserve more than any human title. They are father of their country in a free state."

That ending was removed because no one knew if the Medici were going to survive the political upheaval. It was likely scratched out by Salvini, Ficino's nephew/cousin(?) and secretary. I would say that the little "But Not the Medici" was likely a caveat on Ficino's part in case the letter escaped from Giovanni's hands. Ficino was smart like that. He did care for Lorenzo, no doubt, if in a complicated fashion. But that doesn't mean he was unaware or blind to Lorenzo's faults.

Ficino seemed to have not been in Florence when the Pazzi conspiracy went down, which was good for him given that he was partially implicated in it. Sort of. (As in, he was close friends with most of the main players and one of them was his major patron since Lorenzo was being stingy as-fuck with the money.)

(Lorenzo eventually cleared suspicion from Ficino - though they were always a bit cool after that. Not that I think they were ever very warm towards each other. But my thoughts on Ficino and Lorenzo's relationship are for another post. Basically, even if Ficino didn't know what was up for the conspiracy, he certainly knew, or guessed, enough to send strongly worded letters to literally everyone involved telling them to cool their fucking heels and not do stupid things in the pursuit of power/glory/worldliness etc. Also, convenient that he wasn't in the city... I just feel like someone gave him a tip-off...)

All of this is aside, basically I'm certain Ficino's original letter was 100% a massive fucking bitch-fest about Lorenzo not being a good patron to Ficino on multiple levels - all those references to princes who unjustly condemned their tutors when Ficino was one of Lorenzo's early tutors? He wasn't being subtle. And god help us, Ficino can be subtle as fuck when he wants to be.

Interestingly, Ficino includes a para' on poets getting the bad end of the stick from princes (Ovid, Lucan, Statius) which I think is him not necessarily warning Giovanni (who was a poet), since in 1476 there was no cause for worry over anything, but certainly alluding to poets who suffered when princes went foul. "It's not just me who needs to worry about mercurial nature of princes but you as well, babe."

anyway, not going anywhere particular with this nor am I likely saying anything that hasn't been said before about the letter, but just having some brain worms, as usual.

[whositmcwhatsit]

I was just wondering what made you write your stories in this era and with this Elvis….I have just devoured so many books in the last 6 months and I am fascinated why he did the things he did, why with all his resources he did not help himself….it’s the psychological aspects of his personality his women and his choices I’m finding so heartbreaking and I think that’s why I find your story so captivating …..apart from the beautiful writing of course. Your words feel like they are filling in some of the blanks…….I just wondered if this was some of your motivation…..apart from the gorgeous man he is.. hugs 🤗

Hi, you lovely lady!

Okay, I've been thinking about this all day, so settle in!

The simplest answer is that I wanted to read it! When you can't find the art you want you just have to make it. I love all the stories, the AUs, the reimaginings, the fix-it fics and the smut (Boy, do I!) but I wanted some Elvis on tour!

The next reason is that I hate the official story put out by EPE and RCA (my arch-nemeses) that Elvis stopped existing after Aloha, or that he spent his time crying about his divorce until he passed away. Dude was still out there doing his thing, living his life, making plans in spite of his problems and to simplify and dismiss him enrages me!

Another reason- I'm so sorry but you made the mistake of asking- is that I have been an Elvis fan a LONG time. Like a weird little nerdy one. I've devoured all the books, I've been to the cons, I met people who knew him and interrogated them relentlessly, I've been on message boards, I watched thousands of blurry 8mm filmed concerts and listened to 100s of hours of soundboard recordings.

Picture a big-eyed, intense teen right up in Ronnie Tutt's face going, 'But really, how could you keep an eye on him all the time to see his cues and still drum like that? Did you ever miss your cue? Did you piss him off?' Then picture that poor man being like, 'Um, here's your autograph, now go away you're scaring me, you strange girl.' I think I wanted to do something with all the ill-gotten information I have, because otherwise it's just in my head driving me crazy.

Finally- yes it's coming to an end now- I love him and he fascinates me. Like you, I question and wonder, trying to make sense of the things he did and the choices he made. I relate to him more than I am comfortable admitting sometimes. I understand his self-destructive ways, his bravado, his insecurity and his super-sized emotions. I flat out admire him for all that he achieved and the positive qualities he managed to keep hold of in a world that was often not very kind to him.

Thank you so much for the question, and for reading my fic. I love that it seems to be seeking out such lovely people and bringing them into my life!

[amatres]

tagged by @turbulentpumpkin43 to fill out this relationship graph! here's balaerra's, she is doing so well in everyone's perspectives as you can see

i'll tag @fuckitwebhaal and @commander-lariel, for any of your ocs! no pressure tho! and anyone else who would like to!

here's the blank version!

Relationships somewhat more elaborated on under cut

Astarion: The toxic codependent relationship where they destroy each other bc they love each other and don't know how else to go about it of all time I think. What more needs to be said lol. The lamer versions of the Briarwoods for Baldurs Gate. Seriously though, the two found each other a safe place and fell in love without realizing it, and even much to Astarion's surprise Balaerra is a much more tender lover than he expected from the outset. Unfortunately they both believed power would keep them safe, and because of that they damned each other to eternity and killed over 7000 people for it.

Gale: They are just friends :) Gale had romantic feelings for her, for Some Reason, so that is part of my canon now. My man, I hope when everything is over you like. just live your life in peace never thinking of her again bc even if she only has good intentions for you, she will still destroy you. I do think he'd be stuck between his lingering affection for her, while also the horror at who she ended up being, for a long time.

Halsin: He propositioned her as well, which I am still perplexed by but I must contextualize it to make it make sense. So in my head, he saw the good she did in the Shadowlands (even if she was doing it out of anger and spite), and not only admired her for it but believed he could help keep her on that path. Unfortunately that is not true, and I'm sure later on he'll mourn her for what she was while probably helping whatever adventurer comes along to put an end to her with a heavy heart. Balaerra for her part thought he was nice and found his insights interesting, even if she didn't agree with him all too often.

Jaheira: Allies of convenience. Similar to Halsin, Jaheira saw the good Balaerra was possible of but unlike him saw much earlier how far she was slipping. 'I mourn the person you were before all of this' indeed.

Karlach: Childhood friends, Balaerra was the one who suggested Karlach work for Gortash so many years ago, believing it was helping her. Then Karlach went missing and Balaerra ended up in her own horrible relationship with her teacher. They want each other to live so badly, but they both die in the end. Karlach physically, Balaerra in every other way. With Karlach dying, I think that's also the last shred of Balaerra's former life that dies with her, and it's just the eternity she is tied to with Astarion afterwards.

Lae'zel: Besites 💕The two of them get along so well it's hilarious. They share similar pragmatism, as well as ride or die attitudes once they are closer, and Balaerra very easily signed a devil's contract just because Lae'zel asked her to. I'm pretty sure Lae'zel will leave for the astral sea in the end, so what thoughts she could have on Balaerra's further decay would never come to pass I think.

Minthara: Balaerra killed her, so there's not much to say unfortunately lol. Calling Balaerra being a half drow an 'impurity' hit too sore a nerve for her, so she had to go.

Shadowheart: Another complicated one! Shadowheart trusts Balaerra a lot, and it was at Balaerra simply asking if she was sure she wanted to do it that had Shadowheart change her mind and go against Shar. All the more heartbreaking that even though Balaerra had such a positive influence on her, at the same time Shadowheart has to watch as Balaerra and Astarion slip beyond the event horizon to their own traumas.

Wyll: Interesting as well, the two aren't the closest of friends but I believe Wyll saw promise in her, and Balaerra admired his strength despite all he endured. She pushed for him to be free of his contract, bc he would never be safe if he stayed in it. Similar to Jaheira, I think he would mourn who she could be while being disgusted with who she became at the end.

[emblazons]

I don't usually go to tumblr to talk movies, but I know people are interested in this one because of Finn, so I'll attempt some thoughts more like I do other films (with irl friends, mostly).

My WYFSTW thoughts (in no particular order + a clip)

under the cut, not because I really "spoiled" anything but because I write a lot haha

I really enjoyed this, surprisingly. I kind of expected it to ring a little more hollow than it did based on the reviews, but I think the fact that I've spent a while seeing/reading all the interviews Jesse & Finn did (combined with the fact that I listened to the audiobook) made the characters feel more fleshed out in my mind than they might for other people on screen.

To be honest...this is basically a movie about mommy issues, and if you weren't trying to be understanding, it's really easy to write them both off as unlikable. And I won't lie: in a lot of ways, they well and truly are the most irritating kind of people—they are two sides of the same obnoxiously disconnected (and narcissistic) coin, where neither one of them is self-aware enough to realize how they come off, and both of them expect all of their good intentions to be met with open arms in spite of how much they overlook the wants, desires and interests of others.

That said...their inability to connect to others because of their self-absorption while still desiring deep connection, to me, is something i think everyone can relate to at least a little. The unspoken emotionalism of Ziggy and Evelyn—the way they started searching for each other in other people—was both really heartfelt and heartbreaking, and while I know Finn repeatedly said he felt like he related to Ziggy and honestly (in more remembered than present way) so can I. Somehow, I feel like I am in the space in life between him and his mother: still looking to prove yourself, but also aware of how intense and laborious and full of struggle the wider world can be.

Alisha Boe has the most withering gaze I've ever seen (good for her) and it plays so well into making you want to hug Ziggy despite you knowing he's such a pain in the ass in reality—and the scene between him and his mother in her little "enviro friendly" car where he's asking her for help becoming someone worthwhile only for her to unintentionally insult him up and down...god. You feel so much for Ziggy even when you want to fade into your seat trying to avoid his awkwardness, and Finn's ability to be deadly earnest and endearing doing the most insanely cringe things (lmao) is a power I have to commend him readily for.

Evelyn is much tricker. I would have hated her a lot if I was younger, and I think she deserves a lot less empathy than Ziggy in every situation we find her in (though, in so many ways, we realize they are the same...which makes their relationship all the richer. At least to me). Her attempts to project the relationship she wants with Ziggy onto someone else were insanely brutal to watch knowing how much Ziggy longed to connect with her...and the way Kyle wasn't the son she wanted, despite the one she wanted being right there.

Speaking of...Billy Byrk as Kyle was phenomenal. Like. Good enough to make me want to watch more of his movies, and earnest in a way I really wasn't expecting from a secondary character. He was a standout performance right alongside Finn (unsurprising that they are best friends who make movies and do projects together lol) who I definitely think carried some of the empathy you eventually feel for him and Ziggy in regards to Evelyn, which...yeah. I loved him in this.

All and all, it was a solid movie—flat out hilarious at times and full of that kind of upper middle class suburban nonsense you see in a lot of movies laced with emotions I wasn't expecting to feel. You definitely need to have a good gauge of reading expressions to appreciate this movie because a lot of its weight lives in the unspoken, but. I definitely think most people who enjoy indie / A24 and coming of age films will like it. I know I did.

Bonus thoughts:

the scene of ziggy in his room people were talking about was very tame, especially compared to what happened in the audiobook. Its a little awkward, but nothing you couldn't cover your eyes for like 10 seconds and avoid. It's not explicit in any way.

I cannot understate how funny this movie was at times. There were two older people next to me in the theater and we were all laughing consistently the whole 88 minutes lmao

For some reason, Ziggy performing for people and having it mean nothing irl felt a lot like being on Tumblr in some ways. NOT IN A BAD WAY, but maybe that made me extra empathetic to him LOL

FINN LOOKS AT ALL HIS LOVE INTERESTS THE SAME WAY. Its exactly the same with Ziggy with Lila as Mike with Will because that is Finn's "enamored with you" face, and it was intentional in both WYFSTW and ST. I will accept no arguments.

Prepare to be hurt if you have mommy issues I'm TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW because I felt pain and I don't even HAVE those 😭

...I am open to literally any questions about it / thoughts you may also have lmao my DMs are wide open :) also here is a little snippet of Ziggy wisdom I caught LMAO