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#it just feels like everything is dying around me and i dont know how to stop it so i want to do my best to help whats dying where i am to
opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is#all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much#because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions#mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect#and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it#it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter#but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but#mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read#cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about#how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron#separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward#the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not#allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i#talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand#so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday#and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having#a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself#sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like#reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for.#the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it#doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of#ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put#myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing#unrelated
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quietwingsinthesky · 1 month
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most frustrating part of writing a doctor who oc is that the doctor and the master will both sometimes just fuck off and do their own thing for a hundred years and be unfazed by it because they are functionally immortal. and i can’t stick my oc with them because they’ll just. die. so what, do i just put them in a pen until those guys get back? spruce up their enclosure while they’re waiting to get picked up to go on adventures again?
#yes yes the mortality of a companion against the doctor’s long life is part of the point its part of the tragedy but consider: i want them#to also be there so they can get into shenanigans. and not die of old age before im done letting them do shenanigans#look either i kick even out of the tardis every time these guys go do immortal shit or i find a was to Fix this problem and i dont really#know how to do either of these yet. ill figure it out#i *do* know that they’re not with missy while she’s setting up the cybermen plan over hundreds of years. maybe for brief moments when missy#wants an extra hand or eye candy or something else but mostly even’s stuck at the end feeling nauseous as missy goes about rewriting time to#make cyberzombies. not nauseous because of the cyberzombies. to be clear. they’ve just spent enough time fucking around with tardises and#time wars and the like that they’re a little sensitive to shit getting messed around with. tummyaches :(#id think a lot of companions get this eventually. i think the ponds definitely did. to me anyway. they should.#background tardis time vortex radiation idk how science works. but it gives even tummyaches.#i got distracted i was talking about mortality and how to prevent them dying too soon.#mostly even’s there to run the ‘business’ while missy’s away. they’re very good at being given a Job.#and this job is supposed to fix everything forever once they get the doctor onboard. it doesn’t. but even thinks it will. which is what#matters in the end.#dw oc
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biblicalhorror · 1 year
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Reading a court of thorns and roses bc it's been rec'd to me many times (by the same two friends mostly) and also I've never really read a smut novel before and Jesus christ this protagonist is insufferable
#first of all its like the author tried to recreate katniss everdeen without any fundamental understanding of her character#like the reason the whole 'i hunt and provide for my family because no one else will' thing works for katniss is that her mother is ill#and her sister is like 8 years old#so like yeah obviously she'd be the one to provide#but feyre is like 'i have to do everything around here because my two OLDER sisters simply dont feel like doing chores'#like what????#i get that her dying mother for some reason put the responsibilities on her but it makes 0 sense#like whoever wrote this was clearly a youngest sibling with a martyr complex because its just. so heavy handed#also her insistence that nesta is simply too shallow and vapid to do what she does makes me roll my eyes every other page#honestly justice for nesta#1) if my sister started doing all of the hunting and providing without ever communicating why i would probably assume she wanted to do it#2) if after our mothers death she started completely resenting everything i do and glaring at me constantly id think she blames me for it#3) being around that kind of smug negative energy would absolutely make me start to be a little mean too even just as a defense mechanism#4) shes constantly assuming the worst in nesta and is proven at least twice to be an unreliable narrator in regards to nestas priorities#also that comment feyre made about how smug she felt after leaving knowing that her family would 'starve without her' god what an asshole#like you cant present yourself as so much morally better than your sisters and then turn around and say shit like that#anyway im hoping she becomes less insufferable as the story goes on#im told the first book is the worst in the series so i just gotta power through for the sake of world building#j reads acotar series#<<<feel free to blacklist if u dont want spoilers and/or critiques of this series bc i plan to vent on here a lot abt it
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confettigraffiti · 1 year
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I miss talking to my friends genuinely but also I have very much overstayed my welcome everywhere and it's too late (I got VERY annoying near the end + fell out of a major interest which didn't help. my bad yall 😔) I feel like I should remake at this point and just move on but also. move on to what
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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Everyone's acting like nothing happened
#i know this is how it always goes when someone dies#but this time i actually care. this time it matters to me that it doesnt matter to everyone else#i dont know. im not mad or anything really#its just so surreal#like nothing matters and maybe it never has#im pretty sure thats not true#but still. i cant help feeling it#i think i know why people believe in afterlifes now. you kinda want to convince yourself of anything#anything just to bargain with your acceptance. to get your mind to tell you youll see them again someday#but i know that i wont. the time i have here is all that i have#and im wasting it and its cruel and i dont know why#i dont know why it hurts to be awake and it hurts to be asleep#it hurts to face reality and it hurts to be disillusioned#im so tired of running from the unfairness of everything as if its not going to follow me around everywhere i go forever#i cant shake that feeling that im going to die one day and no one can stop it and no one can make it matter#i used to look forward to dying. to that eternal rest where I'm never tired or concerned with anything again#but i dont want to leave this world behind#its so cruel and unfair and painful and exhausting. but i want to be here. i want to witness it so desperately and idk why#maybe just for the sake of it. maybe just so i can say that i did#i used to believe in heaven and hell though i was always confused on what the difference is between the two#now i know the truth. it never mattered. its all always been a game to comfort the living#and it didn't comfort me so i discarded those ideas. but now i dont know what will comfort me#maybe nothing will. maybe ill live fearful and in pain for the rest of my life#maybe ill keep waking up tired and falling into restless sleeps until the day my body fails me for the last time#my only comfort is that i dont know#i gotta wait and find out#but boy am i impatient
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timeisacephalopod · 11 months
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I saw a post the other day that kinda pushed back on the way all coming of age movies are about sexuality and all high school stories basically center around who wants to fuck who and how that's like. Not really all coming of age and high school stories should offer since you know. Youth isn't about who you have a crush on and probably coming of age stories in particular should be far more diverse in subject matter than they are.
Honestly as someone who, when I was 'coming of age' age, hated coming of age stories and still do for the exact reason listed above (see the weird scene in It where we all sexualize a 13 year old girl because boys have crushes and surely there's no other way to portray this than feeling a child up with a camera to demonstrate boys have ~feelings~ Bev gets no equivalent scene because she's the object of affection rather than the subject feeling desire) I also wish there was diversity in those stories. And coming of age stories about adults- we don't stop going through huge life moments that change everything forever, but back to kids. When I was a kid I could have desperately used a coming of age story where the character has a sick and dying parent who does die by the end of the story and what happens after that. Granted I did just fine without it, but even without being asexual it's always irked me that coming of age stories don't seem to appreciate that kids have way larger problems and way better stories to tell then first crushes and first kisses for shit sake give kids who went through what I did as a kid some kind of story about what happens when your parent gets cancer and how complicated that is and stop assuming the biggest thing that happens around puberty is discovering sexuality that, if you were queer, you probably already noticed what you felt wasn't in a coming of age story anyway.
#winters ramblings#id actually LOVE to see a coming of age story about an immigrant child moving to a new country#and have the coming of age center around THAT instead of these bizarre vaguely adult explorations of sexuality#that honestly ive never related to anyway like maybe the allos get it but even THEY deserve more diversity in stories#SURELY even your local allos have a dad dying of cancer they desperately need to know what to do with#like deadass a therapist told me at 26 i was robbed as a child because of what i went through and i STILL cry when i think of that#but no coming of age is all sex shit because children according to adults dont have real issues#which tells me adukts writing the stories are MASSIVELY privileged or stunted by execs or straight up assune kids wont watch#a REAL coming of age story. also i want a coming of age story about a 40 year old who is going through a career change#and the struggles that come with late career change. the benefits of a late career change. all the complicated family goo around all this#just give me decent stories that arent too focused on fycking RELATIONSHIPS for once. have them there sure i dont care#but for FUCK sakes can we stop pretending a 13 year olds biggest concern us who they have a crush on??#my dad was DEAD and i knew only one other person who lost her mom way younger than me at 8#we did not understand each other and how could we when our situations were so different. BOTH of us were so highly alienated#because NO ONE not even each other could relate to a lot if the people around us. the only thing we DID have in common#was the sick feeling we got when someone would bitch about their parents having fair expectations or not giving them literally everything#we both had an 'at least you HAVE parents to hokd you to reasonable standards and all you do is SQUANDER it' even if our feelings werent#faur to our peers anymore than their feelings were fair to us. wheres the coming of age story about THAT#tell me a story about a 16 year old whos mom has been dead HALF her life already like my friend. i was lucky enough not to deal with that#until i was 24. she deserved better out if high school and coming of age stories too. believe it or not kids have REAL lives and problems#and im SO tired of no one writing anything but some sad kids books about it even if the books are SOMETHING to start with#like for shit sakes must NICEthat the worst thing YOU went through was realizing you had a sexuality but my queer ass#ALWAYS knew i was different and highschool highlighted that a BUNCH so unless we're exploring aroace teens that doesnt appeal either#great yet ANOTHER story about straight teenagers because THEYRE the ones who need guidance on how to express themselves#like they dont see strsight people storoes and sexuality EVERYWHERE plus the ACTUAL opportunity to date in high school#that most queer kids dont get or dont get in the same way. why is THAT the only story being told when its the most saturated and BORING#and also ignores that kids have REAL issues and NO angency. explore THAT. do ANYTHING but yet another fucking coming of age story#about straight kids having crushes on each other and thats IT like come on SERIOUSLY
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grief fucking sucks man
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yamikawas · 2 years
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ok but literally anyone else who likes yoomtah too much should die.Lol
ps: girl i went so insane i hit max tags before i was even done typing.
#going on twitter to search for more images of her and being reminded that other people like her and getting violent abt it hashtag girl#full offense but you are never going to even come CLOSE to loving her the way i do you dont even deserve to LOOK at her ^_^#bet yoomtah would shock you to death with a million volts to the head for trying to get in between us lol#(''you'' referring to the people i want dead for liking yoomtah not to the person reading this JSYK)#but like seriously why cant people just get that shes MINE and just shut up and draw her without saying weird crap#bro shes taken she would literally kill you for trying to get in between us the only one who she wants to cuddle and hold hands with is ME#her and i are at a point where we seriously know we're gonna get married and you STILL have the nerve to say things like that about her???#SHE'S TAKEN SHE'S IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WE'RE PRACTICALLY ENGAGED HAVE YOU CONSIDERED DYING IN A DITCH AND GOING TO HELL#like what the hell is your problem are you somehow not aware that she is already mine. that i'm the one who truly loves her.#like what do i gotta do to drill it into your ignorant brains#SH TW /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// do i need to carve her name into my skin to prove it. Lol#i could!!! i really could!!! i bet no one else would do that for her!!! it would prove everything she means to me!!!#would you finally leave her alone then??? would that prove how much i need her??? would you finally let me have her all to myself???#but she wouldnt want to see me hurt. and if she Did then thatd make me feel even worse. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#but i'm not about to hurt someone else irl to prove myself so what other option do i have#but also that'd require posting sh pics to prove it and well guess what happened to my old vent blogs when i posted sh pics -_-#ok if ur reading this and genuinely worried for my safety or something i am most likely Not going to actually do anything im just being a#lil mental rn and i need to get the thoughts out there so they dont fill up my brain i hope u understand JHSJDKFBJGKG#SH TW IS OVER U CAN KEEP READING IF U WANTED TO SKIP THAT#girl what is wrong with me i base my entire life around a cartoon chr and then get mad when other people like her at all#but to be fair she's the first real reason to live i've ever had like.#i remember even at early elementary school age i felt like i would question what i was even alive for and if i even had a purpose#i am not sure if that is normal or not but i have a feeling it is not?#and if u followed my old vent blogs u would know How i was. Yknow#and even with things and chrs i liked before none of them made me feel a genuine reason to live.Until Yoomtah#it didn't take long for me to notice that the happiness i felt with her was something much more significant#something that gave me hope to keep going. something that made me feel truly alive.#something i have never experienced before- she is something to LIVE for.#shes my everything!!! shes the reason why i was made!!!! i could never exist without her and thats why i felt so dead before i met her!!!!!#what i feel for her is love but also so so so much more than just ''love'' can describe!!!!!!
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snekdood · 2 years
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ppl who only care about the aesthetics of things do kinda drive me crazy a bit
#i JUST want native wild flowers. ok?#idgaf if perennials dont bloom all year i dont care if theyre not always colorful i love green as a color too AND THATS NOT THE POINT OF#ME GETTING FLOWERS ANYWAYS! i want native flowers for the native pollinators and probably other native plants for birds n shit#but all i can find at plant places is stuff thats like. the same species but not native#its just so stupid its not sold as a default like they literally grow here. they literally THRIVE here#and it feels like everyone im talking to irl about flowers only cares about whatever looks good like plz cmon plz i beg of you#fellow humans please. oh my fuck. give a fuck about something soon bc the worst thing to be is the guy at the end of the world who knows#its ending but is smiling while its on fire bc you gave up hope and indulged in the things that are pleasing to you instead of just getting#th fucking native lobelia species jsdsdkds#like idk about you but i at least want my soul to fucking rest easy knowing i did the best i could instead of giving so much about#aesthetics that it overrides my ability to make a idk perhaps more moral decision. ik flowers arent the most pressing issue but native#species dying is. and if you're already getting flowers theres literally no reason not to just get the native version of whatever#sometimes its hard for me to want to just 'let people enjoy things' when enjoying things means putting your time/effort/energy/money/etc.#into shit you very easily could have picked something more ethical or better for the world w.#it just feels like everything is dying around me and i dont know how to stop it so i want to do my best to help whats dying where i am to#try to keep it alive and it just feels like other people around me dont have that as a priority at all and its infuriating.#i genuinely get pretty emotional when i think about native species dying and how everything in temperate climates is being overtaken by#european or japanese species instead. probably more but those are the two i see the most. when we have plenty of nagive species here#like the same thing just native but idk maybe it doesnt have enough eurocentric features 🤪 sjsjsksjsjsks
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gender-euphowrya · 16 days
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they should invent a my grandma who understands other people not being like her
#like. objectively i should go on walks. it would benefit me & my health#but in fucking practice I HATE IT. i don't like it. i don't enjoy it. it fucking sucks. i don't want to do it.#forcing myself to do it is fucking terrible. it makes my body hurt. it feels like a waste of time.#it requires an amount of prep work that i just Don't have the energy for on most days#and i just am 0% motivated to do it because I Do Not Like Walking. if it's walking to go somewhere then. fine.#walking just for the sake of walking ? with no destination ? pure fucking bullshit. boring. pointless. awful.#how am i supposed to be motivated for it when there's no end goal ?#if i go outside to idk get groceries then that's what keeps me going. i need to get groceries#if i'm outside and the only goal i have is one i set up myself which is just a nebulous ''go around the block a few times''#which i am in no way obligated to do Or interested in doing and that i can just. decide Not to do without consequences#then i won't have the fucking drive to do it ! man i can just walk back into my home right now#SO ANYWAY grandma is like the exact opposite of that. bitch loves walking. walks Everywhere. can walk miles. will walk in any weather#and she just... doesn't get that we feel very different ways gkfjdjd#''oooh you should walk and walk everyday It's Good For Youuuu'' and she acts like i don't walk because I Don't Understand That It's Good#sis i'm not fucking stupid i know the health benefits & everything I DONT ENJOY IT THOUGH#same way i know the health benefits of eating veggies but i still Don't do that because i can't stand them !!!!#god fuck Whatever about my health lmao like. i'm here for a good time not a long one !!!!#do you think when i'm old and dying i'm gonna be like ''aaah i'm glad i spent so much time doing things i hated so i could live longer''#nah mate i'm gonna think ''well this was a GOOD one i got to do all the stuff i loved yippee'' and croak
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Idk if I really did but I might've made a small impact locally. I did a lot of research and calling the LRC and getting other folks to call about a bill in my states house that would've banned street camping and opened up a world of hell on our homeless population and it took a little while but they removed the provision. Idk if I actually influenced it at all but I at least got multiple people to learn about and actively start using the LRC line and the provision specifically was removed so yay there's a small win at least.
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whoever the fuck decided that i, someone who actively avoids playing healer because i have chronic anxiety, should enjoy playing white mage this much
#im gonna try tonight. probably#its not even like i dont know how to heal like i can manage! ive done wall to wall in trust and made it out with the entire party alive!#my biggest fears are A. ending up in a duty idk the mechanics of that well (embarrassing) or B. level 90 tank mains.#let me start with a sprout ok i dont even mind not having holy just stick me in a sprout party#if i fail with a low level tank i feel less awkward bc theyre also new!#but also i have two healers above lv80 and. um. i have never touched anything with other players#am i a madman? perhaps!#one of them is sage ok#ive been doing trusts with whm to figure it out?? how to do this stuff in multiplayer content?? and its going well???#as i said! wall to wall without anyone dying! i know what im doing!#and im STILL scared!#i know confidence comes with time i wasnt a confident warlock main in destiny until i had several hundreds of hours in that game#i will get whm to 90. and gnb too hopefully. either gnb or drk. my drk is lv50 and im also scared of tanking#so probably my lv81 gnb (i was lv70 on dragoon with one of the first quests of stormblood so i played gnb there)#in shb i switched around so much#i was rpr/gnb back then#obviously my end goal is everything at max but to make it. smaller chunks. i want to get at least one healer & one tank to max#heals is definitely white mage i love white mage i love blinding people <3#maybe one day ill get over my tanking anxiety too and actually level up drk. who knows. not me.#idc for warrior & paladin. there i said kt#am i an edgelord. yes. do i want whm at lv90 just for the frilly dress. also yes#i want to be the prettiest princess AND the gay evil guy#and i know i can just go into chat n be like 'hey lol i dont remember the mechanics/i am an idiot who levelled their healers to 80+#without ever doing roulettes or dungeons or whatever' but thats scary too!! communication! yikes!#please give me a sprout squad i am begging you#stone vigil with a tank whos afraid of pulling more than one group please thank you#not having the instacast lilly spells sucks but.#like i just lost sprout status and i still feel like a beginner every time i see other lv90 people#and yeah thats also how i feel about people who are 18/19 despite me being 18 now too#thats just life i guess!
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ramons-elevator · 9 months
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*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*
FUCKING PHILS POV
Everything about his POV was bone chilling holy shit. Also fucking shoutout to the admins for picking Chayanne and Tallulah bc that was a really smart move.
For some context for those who arent Philza watchers:
Tallulah and Chayanne obey Phil. Yes they can be divas sometimes and be dumb and silly, but they arent like their siblings like Dapper and Richas who will just be dramatic and do dumb and dangerous stuff when their parents dont feel 100% okay with it. They will throw a fit but still be respectful of Phil’s word.
Phil said multiple times to them, especially Tallulah, to not go to the dinner no matter what. That as soon as it hits 2pm PST, they get tucked into bed and they can wake up after if they want. Chay and Lullah both agreed bc they both fear dying. Tallulah wants to see her dad and Chayanne knows how hard his dad works to make sure they are safe.
Let me fucking tell you how creepy it was seeing Tallulah walk into the dinner.
Phil immediately questioned her and was like “what the fuck you doing? We both agreed you would stay in bed.” and when ‘Tallulah’ just stared at him and shook her maracas, you could feel the air still.
Personally, it felt like a bucket of ice water got dumped on me. Phil literally froze. Because thats not fucking Tallulah. Tallulah is calculated, gentle, and slow moving. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner was shaking her maracas without a care in the world, running around. Also Tallulah will talk to Phil and they check in on each other. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner didnt put down a sign once.
Then as Phil was realizing that Tallulah wasn’t Tallulah, then ‘Chayanne’ comes in. At this point Phil realized that both ‘Tallulah’ and ‘Chayanne’ dont have cracks. Phil straight up looks at ‘Chayanne’ and says “You are fake, you arent my son.” Also same thing with Tallulah, Chayanne and Phil check in with each other. They are a well oiled machine. Phil knows Chayanne like the back of his hand and vise versa.
To be fair, Chayanne isnt an egg of many words. He likes action and just nods/shakes of his head when talking. If need be he will place a sign down, but he doesnt talk as much as Tallulah. So it isnt hard to impersonate him.
But the second, ‘Chayanne’ started punching Phil was again bone chilling. Chayanne rarely hits Phil, maybe once or twice from the top of my head. Again, Chay and Lulah are very respectful of Phil. If they need his attention, they do other ways. They dont hit.
And thats when Phil let Fit know that something was wrong. Those werent his kids. That they are fakes. Around that time, Phil runs home and sees that his actual kids are sleeping. He takes a photo, runs back, and fucking shows ‘Chayanne’. Phil lets the fakes know that he knows and he doesnt give a shit.
At some point, Phil and Fit talk again and ‘Chayanne’ runs up and tries to take the photo from Phil. Phil basically said fuck off and went back to his seat.
The part I find so fucking eerie was that Fit and ‘Chayanne’ had a lil talk. ‘Chayanne’ put down a sign that said something along the lines of “My dad doesnt love me anymore”.
That sign literally made me start to freak out because thats the fucking last thing the real Chayanne thinks. The real Chayanne knows that his dad loves him to death. That Phil would burn this server to the ground if anything bad happened to Chayanne. Chayanne knows that Phil does everything in his power to keep his son alive. He knows how much Phil worries about him and Tallulah (both the characters and the admins).
Going back to what I said at the start, the admins were so fucking smart for picking Chayanne and Tallulah to be the ‘Code eggs’.
People outside of Phil, Fit, Bad, and maybe Forever/Cellbit dont really spend time with Chayanne and Tallulah. Yes, other people do care after them and know them, but they really dont know their mannerisms and quirks. They dont know that Tallulah only shakes her Maracas when she is very excited or have something to say. They dont know that, while Chayanne can be hyper, he usually is very obedient and stays close to Tallulah when he can.
So putting them in a party where the attention isnt on them 100% time is so smart. They can run around and people dont think about it. They just see two eggs running around and having fun. They dont know how wrong it is to see them like that.
Then when the ‘Code eggs’ made themselves known, Phil got kicked. Again very smart from the admins because no one wanted to kill ‘Chayanne’ and ‘Tallulah’ even though they were obviously Codes. Even Fit, who Phil told over and over again that those arent his kids, hit the Codes once or twice but stopped because he didnt wanna take that risk. No one wanted to take the chance of hurting an egg. It gave the ‘Code eggs’ time to kill Charlie and try to kill others.
But the second Phil joins back, he is screaming that those arent his kids and to kill them. That they were impostors. Even then, they let Phil kill the Code eggs.
Then when Code Tallulah died, everyone stepped back and let Phil 1v1 Code Chayanne.
Im so impressed with the admins and the people who played the fake Chayanne and Tallulah. They did such a good job of putting a spear of ice through my heart. 100/10 Bravo
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baldval · 10 days
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heyy! You dont have to do this if it makes you uncomfortable it is a little darker…
can i request overlords finding out that reader selfharms? Like they knew she was unstable but they didnt think that much
thank you!!!
BEING COMFORTED BY HAZBIN!₊˚⊹♡
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characters: alastor, vox, velvette, valentino, lucifer, adam
warnings: sad reader, slightly ooc adam (that man is so hard to write omg)
a/n: ik i said i'm comfortable w darker asks, i just don't really feel ok w writing about such heavy/negative topics (especially sh), but don't worry anon, should've added that mb. anyways, i give you hazbin characters comforting reader in return 🫶🫶
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ALASTOR:
ᯓ he’s not exactly a ‘sit down and talk about feelings’ type of person
ᯓ but he can tell when something’s wrong
ᯓ and he wants nothing more but to make you feel like you’re on top of the world
ᯓ he sees your pouty face when you get home
ᯓ “hey, darling, come look,” he says
ᯓ he’d been at work when you’d left
ᯓ so he’s had some time to figure out what to do for you without making it seem like he’s prying
ᯓ he’ll ask you about what’s bothering you once you’ve relaxed
ᯓ he plops down on the couch, dragging you with him
ᯓ your favorite movie is paused on the tv, waiting to be played
ᯓ “i found an extended version. with bloopers and deleted scenes and everything,” he murmurs
ᯓ the entire movie, his hand is rubbing up and down your back
ᯓ his fingers sometimes creep up your neck, playing gently with your hair
ᯓ the entire thing is extremely soothing
ᯓ you know he knows something’s wrong
ᯓ and you also know he’s going to do everything in his power to fix it
ᯓ and you’re so grateful he just loves you
VOX:
ᯓ he doesn’t need you to say anything, ever
ᯓ he just knows what you need
�� when he comes home and finds you in bed early, he knows you’ve had a difficult day
ᯓ he doesn’t know what happened, but he won’t ask until you’re feeling better
ᯓ he changes out of his work clothes and just gets into bed with you
ᯓ when you don’t say anything either, he pulls you into a cuddle, one hand pressing your head to his chest and the other cupping your hip
ᯓ “hi, vox.”
ᯓ he peppers your face in kisses
ᯓ “feeling off?” he asks
ᯓ you nod
ᯓ his fingers go to stroke your jaw
ᯓ “you can talk to me, you know. i want to make it better,” he tells you
ᯓ so you tell him everything
ᯓ whatever the issue was, the next day, he’s found some way to solve it
ᯓ just for you
ᯓ anything for you
VELVETTE:
ᯓ the minute you come home from work, exhaustion and misery rolling off of you in waves, she demands to know what’s wrong
ᯓ “is someone bothering you? is it your boss again? because i can get him fired.”
ᯓ you tell her everything
ᯓ she promises to help you with whatever it is that’s causing you trouble
ᯓ she’d tip the earth off it’s axis if you asked
ᯓ “come here, i want a kiss,” she tells you
ᯓ you very happily oblige
ᯓ she spends the entire night just spoiling (and worshiping) you
ᯓ the sheets of your bed are tangled between both your legs
ᯓ you’ve never felt more loved
ᯓ she murmurs about how your aniversary is coming up
ᯓ and tells you to get your nails done and dress pretty
ᯓ you don’t really know how you got here
ᯓ but you’re not upset
ᯓ you smile up at the ceiling, delightedly dazed
ᯓ you don’t even remember why you were upset
VALENTINO:
ᯓ he feels what you feel
ᯓ and at this point he can never leave you alone
ᯓ he NEEDS to be with you 24/7
ᯓ so naturally it’s like he’s dying when you come home looking upset
ᯓ “hey, no kiss hello?” he whines
ᯓ that manages to get you to laugh
ᯓ he smiles at your smiling
ᯓ you go over to kiss him and he catches your wrist before you walk off
ᯓ “no, c’mere,” he insists
ᯓ he tugs you into his lap and winds his arms around your waist
ᯓ he sets his chin on your shoulder
ᯓ “why’re you upset?”
ᯓ “oh, it’s nothing, val.”
ᯓ “bullshit.”
ᯓ you spill
ᯓ he rubs circles into your hip bone
ᯓ “i’d be upset, too,” he admits
ᯓ he kisses all up your neck
ᯓ “but we don’t have to think about that at all now. can we just spend some time together? i promise, though, if you’re still having problems i’ll gladly fuck up as many lives as you need.”
ᯓ you laugh, making him laugh
ᯓ you spend the rest of the night just sitting there talking to him
LUCIFER:
ᯓ the two of you are watching your current show, as you do every night, and he notices you’re zoning out
ᯓ he pauses it and looks down at you
ᯓ he dots a couple kisses over your brow
ᯓ “everything okay?”
ᯓ “rough day…”
ᯓ “why didn’t you tell me?”
ᯓ his expression is one of concern now, yet still absolutely laden with affection
ᯓ “i’m sorry, i’m not trying to keeping things from you or anything. i just don’t want to bother you.”
ᯓ “i want you to bother me. say everything that comes into your brain, i want to hear it.”
ᯓ he pulls you closer, palm smoothing over the back of your neck as he sets your head against his chest
ᯓ you tell him about your day, and how you were getting so frustrated
ᯓ frustrated everything was going wrong today, frustrated that the entire week was going wrong
ᯓ he listens intently, stroking your hair the entire time
ᯓ he gives soft “mhms” and “of courses” at your words
ᯓ he peppers warm kisses all over your face
ᯓ he does his best to give you a solution
ᯓ even if what he suggested doesn’t work, he’s sending you flowers to your house for the next week
ADAM:
ᯓ he’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit
ᯓ he’s a little nervous to ask what’s wrong
ᯓ he’s afraid he won’t know what to do to make you feel better
ᯓ “hey, uh, everything okay?”
ᯓ you shrug
ᯓ “wanna talk about it?”
ᯓ you tell him everything
ᯓ he nods the entire time, his eyes never leaving your face
ᯓ he’s trying to memorize everything you’re saying
ᯓ he doesn’t really have any great solutions
ᯓ and he kind of hates himself for it
ᯓ he wants to help you, even if he doesn't make it obvious
ᯓ “hey, how about we go out tonight? take your mind off things.”
ᯓ you spend the night at dinner then wandering through a night market
ᯓ you both talk nonstop
ᯓ he gets you a bunch of trinkets
ᯓ just things that remind him of you
ᯓ and a bracelet, too
ᯓ he spends a bit of time fiddling with the clasp, eventually hooking it together and letting it sit on your wrist
ᯓ you don’t take the bracelet off
ᯓ ever
ᯓ at home, he’s worried you’re still upset
ᯓ but you’re not
ᯓ you fall asleep curled up against him, your worries now nonexistent
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muikitoo · 4 months
Text
Their favourite physical part of you!
Rottmnt x gn! reader
Warnings:
Includes both sfw and nsfw(not direct action) the nsfw only goes for the future versions of the turtles!
A/N:
I finally posted! Shocker i know. I didnt have any ideas but this js popped up cuz i used to love hc like these. I've never written for gn reader so pls give some tips, ty!
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Sfw:
Donnie
- This dude likes your hands. He likes when you hold hands and how they fit perfectly in his.
- he LOVES to play with them too, especially when he has nothing to do or when hes stressed.
- Even tho he isnt big on physical touch, he LOVES when u hold his face. But i feel like he would actually enjoy it as long as it isnt unexpected or when hes irritated!
- he would probably try and sneakily hold ur hand around family without anyone noticing bc he will not hear the end of it (*cough cough* Leo.)
- probably zones out while watching u do anything with ur hands (paint, write, even fiddle with random stuff)
- you probably have him melting if u ever try and give his shoulders a gentle massage with your hands
- in short, he loves ur hands and holds them any chance he gets cuz hes touch starved af.
Bonus: you guys probably have some morse code and he taps his fingers a certain way if he feels uncomfortable and wants you to leave the room with him.
Leo
- i think its obvious he would like your hair.
- He loves playing with your hair when you guys are cuddling.
- will style your hair. Maybe even ask Mikey to join in too. Youll probably end up with atleast 50 hair clips by the end of it.
- if u have long pretty hair u bet he WILL DRAMATICALLY SOB once u cut it off, but he loves it regardless.
- melts and grins like an idiot if u dye it blue. Brags to his brothers about it.
- "guys look! See? See? They love me so much they dyed their hair blue!"
- low-key jealous u have hair..
- I also hc that he loves ur arms too!
- oh lord dont get me started on the arms. If you're a bit muscular and u start flexing/training he would be dead. Gone. In the grave.
- even so he would love to have you wrap your arms around him
- dude wants to be babied so badly
Mikey
- ADORES your smile and your eyes.
- he loves how your eyes lit up when youre excited. Or the way a smile keeps up on your lips when you talk about something your passionate about.
- your sweet giggles are heavenly atp.
- loves loves loves loves the way u praise him when he creates something.
- you have this boy head over heels.
- the way you look at him with complete love in your eyes makes him want to sob on the SPOT.
- you're so adorable he just wants to kiss u on the spot (cuteness aggression atp)
- he js wants to see you happy :(
Raph
- i feel like he would also like your hands. Theyre so small compared to his.
- Loves everything atp, tho he does get scared. Especially if you're smaller than him. Hes so scared that he'll crush you!
- probably likes your cheeks.
- bro would squish and cup them then just slightly nuzzle your noses.
- gets flustered when you cup his cheeks too
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NSFW‼️ Aged up!
If you do not wish to see any of this, please exit!
Thighs, chest or ass?
F! Donnie
- if i have to be completely 100% honest? He doesnt care about any. At all. Just loves you.
- but if i had to give an answer for sake of these hc? thighs. No words. Just thighs.
- loves it when you crush his head between them.
- will grip your thighs, leaving slight marks but not enough to actually hurt you. He doesnt want that.
- loves leaving marks and kisses on them.
- if hes stressed because of a failed project, he'll just lay between your thighs in your shared bed. Occasionally giving a small nibble here and there.
- If you're wearing short shorts, good luck.☠️ Do not expect slow and passionate Donnie.
F! Leo
- all of the above.
- mostly an ass and chest guy.
- He would probably slap your ass occasionally, but not hard enough to hurt you. Again, he hates that.
- but if you beg him to do that? He'll be hesitant but if you beg hard enough he might.
- leaves bite marks.
- I did say he loves your arms and when you flex them, but he also loves your chest.
- your gender doesnt matter. He notices you panting and your chest rising up and down?
- Lord. This man does not know is he wants to dominate you or be dominated.
- Loves trailing teasing kisses and slight bites up and down your chest.
- Loves to cum on your chest and ass. He thinks you look so pretty.
- still wants to shove his face in your thighs tho
F! Mikey
- Again, he probably doesnt care either. He loves you regardless of your body.
- He just wants to make you feel loved.
- But again, for the sake of this - i think he'd be a chest and thighs guy.
- Loves laying on your chest, loves leaving kisses and bites.
- nuzzles his face either on your chest or on the crook of your neck, inhaling your sweet scent.
- hes so sweet, but will shamelessly cum on your chest. Especially when youre giving him head.
- he loves your thighs, doesnt care if theyre small or big.
- he thinks theyre so soft<3
F! Raph
- Waist. And belly. Forget everything above, just waist.
- Again, bros scared he will crush you. Especially since hes much much much larger now.
- He really doesn't want to hurt you :(
- He loves to grab your waist. Its so tiny compared to his giant hands.
- Dont get me started with the belly. Chubby or not he loves squishing the soft flesh on your belly.
- covers it with his cum.
- He loves it.
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Important!
I just wanted to say these are not meant to be accurate, these are js what i think the rise turtles would like physically! I struggled a LOT with mikey and raph.
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d4rkpluto · 7 months
Text
𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔪𝔞 𝔞𝔯𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔱𝔶𝔭𝔢
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[I AM FOLLOWING AYESHA K.FAINES RESEARCH OF FEMININE ARCHETYPES]
↳ the sexual feminine archetype of the mystic archetype.
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♇ when your percentage of the lover percentage is 70% and over. and when your personal score matches with your percentage engima the most.
♇ the enigma is one of the sexual feminine archetypes that belong to the feminine archetype the mystic, whereas the other sexual feminine archetype is the goddess.
♇ people who belong to the enigma archetype are perceived as earthy and have this mesmerising and magnetic energy that can be depicted as positive.
♇ some of them could be seen as very aloof and can have a resting bitch face. they're spiritual people and positive enigmas have a hard time being narcissistic and cold.
♇ they're people who dont necessarily need fame or attention, [they just focus on what they create and people are attracted to], these women are more focused on their inner peace.
♇ they are people who feel like they need to connect to a higher source of power, its comforting for them to know that there is something bigger than them that they can be lenient on.
♇ since they're people who like peace so much, they could have this tendency of fleeing from situations when they recognise that trouble would be led to them in the end. they're women who are likely to have a sense of high value of themselves and to reach that, they like to ground their energy.
♇ when it comes to romance, they like to make their lover feel seen and heard. enigmas are HUGE lovers, and most of them express their love for them within their music. like when i was writing the enigma post, fka twig's song, pendulum kept on playing in my head.
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♇ the lyric "dying to be yours" repeated in my head, sometimes, enigmas are the type of women to drop everything to be and please their significant other. the link to the song :)
♇ they can sometimes overlook their lover's very bad flaws, and can be the type of people to be into open-relationships.
♇ when it comes to non-romantic situations, or in general, they're people who keep a big part of themselves only to themselves, they don't like the idea of people knowing about them 100%.
♇ as it comes to people interacting with them, people might give them the burden of having to fix them.
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♇ they can get into episodes where they have a lot of blockages when it comes to expressing their sensuality or creativity. enigmas are the type of people to live in their head than executing their ideas.
when it is not blocked you'll find them to be people with very artistic and original.
♇ though, enigmas come in many forms, even though they are people who can love very deeply, they're also very closed off women. watching interviews of them, most of them have reminded me of manic pixie girls.
♇ they're women who are very strong with their opinions, and since they're strong about their thoughts they can be very poetic. they're woman who can easily express their feelings so people can understand where they are coming from.
♇ when around the right people, they can come off as very chatty but they're the type to speak about everything but themselves.
♇ i have noted that many of them do know how to sing, i've implied that they're creative and enigmas are likely going to be those who take the musician route.
♇ are aware of how society and how poorly it treats people, so they try and help others, [and the earth]. they're people who always like to be prepared and can be considered as very cute. they have this earthy energy to them but still like to indulge in luxury, chiefly for their jewellery.
♇ they like to nurture things so they are the type to get plants or even pets. [and as a stretch could be open to having kids].
♇ when enigmas are really in love with someone or just take a liking too much for a person, they can become very agreeable people, they sometimes become a walking mat or you could say people-pleaser.
♇ after watching tons of interviews many of them do have a raspiness to their voice, could sometimes be because of weed. or just smoking in general.
♇ as it comes to their aesthetic, i have observed many of them like neutral colours and are into self-care. the type to have many skin products.
♇ scent/senses is very important for them and they tend to be very hygienic people.
♇ out of all the feminine archetypes, enigma archetypes are the ones who have the most diverse personalities, makes sense to the title of their archetype, not knowing who or what they specifically are.
♇ are women who are direct with what they want, especially when it does come to romance, confident enigmas know what they want and they get it. they could have many romances but not marry, plus, if they're famous they're likely tired with the attention they get.
♇ are sexually fluid people and love to express their sensuality within their art. many of them love memories and will always be grateful with what they have been taught in the past.
♇ moreover, when i was watching interviews of them, many of them had voices i did not expect them to have. if not careful can get pressured easily and hastily anxious. the type to want to make others feel included. they like to heal, very spiritual people, and as i have said that they remind me of manic pixies, the more i did my research on them, the more i realised they're very fairy-like.
♇ they're people who are interested in research and like to embrace their powerful feminine side. the type to indulge in witch-craft; some enigmas can be very insecure about their face, can be interested in cosmetic surgery, [even though all of them are gorgeous]. + also noticed many of them have very curvy bodies.
♇ can appear as two-faced or fake because they want to set a certain reputation of themselves. don't like drama or would walk away from the mess they made. they do like to be left alone and due to this people might consider them as boring, but they just have a wall in front of their real personality.
♇ as they are people who like to ground themselves, they are people who are long to temper, or try not to be easily tempered.
fashion wise, they are people who know their colours really well. are likely going to wear gold jewellery.
♇ and can sometimes come off as very bimbo-like because of their lack of care for things. they are people who are very open about their past, and majority of the time, young enigmas were forced into the spotlight. [asia monet ray + kourtney kardashian].
♇ they are great entertainers and can be favoured in what they do. what makes them more likeable is their sunny appearance. some of them display themselves as delicate. on the other hand, people might find them to be weird.
♇ sometimes enigmas can come off as childlike and a lot of them have chubby-cheeks.
other enigmas ↴
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♇ enigmas i put above are fka twigs, krotchy, frida kahlo, greta garbo, kourtney kardashian and nicole kidman.
♇ understanding the enigma archetype, is that it shows that they are women who are usually deeply underestimated when it comes to their intelligence, spiritual women who are on a hermit path of understanding themselves and others.
♇ and to make the enigma archetype easier to comprehend i gathered characters from different tv shows or films that come under the archetype.
⟶ harry potter franchise - luna lovegood, embodies the shy and kept to themselves side of the enigmas, [as i said they are a very fluid and diverse archetype], as enigmas, luna is perceived to be someone who is strange but doesnt allow it to make her feel insecure. she helps other people and is kind, embraces her quirkiness.
⟶ from american horror story [coven] - misty day, the stereotypical spiritual enigma who cares for nature and the earth. has a special connection with animals and with life itself, very caring and eccentric, and as a healthy enigma, she doesnt allow people's views of her to bring her down.
⟶ avatar the way of water - kiri, when i was thinking of fictional characters who are the enigma, kiri was the first character that appeared in my head. she is connected with the earth, creative and connects herself to a higher source of power, [even though she is already connected to eywa from what i believe]. is connected to life and death.
⟶ from friends - phoebe buffay, embodies the childlike nature of the enigma, the nature where people perceive them to be "ditzy". when she is around the people she likes, she can come off as very chatty.
⟶ naruto franchise - hinata hyuga/uzumaki, embodies the shy nature of the enigma. the enigma that loves with their all, can have creative blockages and people underestimate who she is and her power. hinata is aware of how the world poorly treats people as she did belong to clan that didnt really care for their people. [ex. neji]. sometimes expresses the mysterious side an enigma can be.
⟶ from the original franchise - freya mikaelson, is the witch of her family and is very connected to nature, chiefly because of the time she was born. she is someone who likes to ground herself and is one of the siblings who thinks things out the most, will do anything for the sake of love and family. strong opinions and holds a strong bond of life and death, like misty day.
⟶ the last of us - dina woodward, likes to be connected to a higher source, shows when she gives ellie the evil eye bracelet, embodies the expressive side of the enigma and is likely open to "open-relationships" chiefly due to her bond with jesse and ellie. she is direct with what she wants, does like her peace.
⟶ from the haunting of hill house - nell crain, some people overlook her connection to a higher source of power; to see how you are going to die since you were young is pretty psychic. had spiritual phases and like many enigma characters is very connected with death, had tried to ground herself but wasnt able, especially becuase of her therapist. does keep a big part of herself but she normally did that because she didnt want to burden her siblings.
⟶ winx club - flora, represents the kind, nature-loving and mysterious side of the enigma, especially with the vibrant colours she wears, it might not really appear that there's this secrecy and mystery to flora's character but ever since i've watched the show when i was young, i've always noted an essence of puzzle and unsolved problem when it comes to her. like she's there but not at the same time.
⟶ from euphoria - cassie howard, you might wonder how cassie belongs to the enigma archetype and the girl embodies everything that an underdeveloped enigma is. is willing to drop everything for her lover, look past the red-flags and become what their lovers wants them to be. cassie is a big lover girl, and likes to make her lovers feel seen and heard, especially for what she did to nate, telling him she can be whatever he wants her to be.
♇ as i have done my research, i gathered that a lot of enigmas are are likely going to have capricorn, leo and pisces in their big three; in order of how much they appeared.
♇ they are also going to have leo, capricorn and taurus appear in their dominant signs; in order of how much they appeared.
♇ the planets jupiter, sun and pluto appeared in their dominant planets the most; in order of how much they appeared.
♇ the element that appeared the most was earth, second was fire and third was water.
♇ lastly, when it comes to the modality, what appeared the most was fixed and the second modality was mutable.
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♇ feminine archetype masterlist
to find out what feminine archetype and sexual feminine archetype you are
buy a natal chart reading from me
masterlist
♇ pluto
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