#it made me feel things because that's like. your group of people. and they won't tell you exactly why they want rubin dead.

[accio-sriracha]

The Time Remus Lupin Got Drunk.

A Wolfstar Oneshot.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

The Marauders were going to a party. Usually the way things go down is quite simple:

Sirius gets drunk first, the lightweight of the group who always drinks too much too fast and literally will not shut up for the rest of the night.

Next is Peter, who doesn't drink nearly as much as Sirius, but isn't very good at holding his liquor if we're being honest. He'll spend most of the party on the floor playing chess or in the bathroom throwing up. No in between.

James stumbles after him in third place, definitely not a lightweight but somehow always slamming down enough shots of firewhiskey to do the job. He spends a good percentage of his time trying to get Lily Evans' attention.

(Somehow even drunk he's still a perfect gentlemen and knows his boundaries. *cough, cough* it's not that hard *cough, cough*)

Remus has never gotten drunk in his life, except for once at the beginning of seventh year, but we don't talk about that.

He will spend the majority of the party babysitting his friends: bringing Peter water and crackers, telling Sirius that no, it's not a good idea to visit McGonagall right now, and asking James to please find his shirt, she's not any more impressed by his abs now than she was six years ago.

Today, however, was going to be different.

You see, the Marauders had a plan, a plan like none they'd ever come up with before.

Today: Sirius, Peter, and James were not going to get drunk.

Remus was.

Most of the reason Remus never got drunk in the past was simply because it was a hard feat to accomplish. Partly because Remus had a pretty high tolerance for alcohol, and partly because of the whole werewolf thing.

He would have to drink a lot of firewhiskey to get to the point of slurring his speech.

And the second reason was Remus' refusal of being unaware of his surroundings in public. He felt too vulnerable, it didn't feel safe.

He made a joke on the way to the party they were going to tonight that he would only agree to get drunk if the others agreed to stay sober.

Obviously he hadn't been expecting them to actually agree.

But for whatever reason, his friends were far too eager to see him drunk.

So in they went, mixing into the crowd awkwardly, with Remus huddled between them all like a very tall child.

"Here." James filled a red cup with firewhiskey and passed it to him, "We should get started early, this will probably take a while."

Remus let out a resigned breath and accepted the cup from him, downing the liquid in one go. He cringed at the taste,

"I don't know why people insist on doing this. I don't see how this is pleasant at all."

Sirius shrugged, "It's fun? Takes your mind off things for a little while."

"Obviously not the case for somebody." Peter snickered, nodding his head towards James, "All he can ever think about is Evans, drunk or not."

"Hey!" James called, picking up a cup and pretending to toss it at him. Peter squeaked and jerked out of the way.

Remus snagged the cup away from him, "And you expect me to trust you lot to take care of me?"

James rolled his eyes, "Obviously we'll take this seriously, Moony."

Sirius nodded, "Especially me." He agreed solemnly. James scowled at him and turned back to Remus with an earnest expression,

"If you don't want to, we really won't force you, Moons. I know you don't like feeling vulnerable. Everything is your decision here."

Remus sighed, "It's alright, one night won't kill anyone... hopefully."

And you know... the whole werewolf thing.

If he was being honest, of course he trusted them to take care of him. They'd been doing it every month since third year.

The only issue was his filter, or rather, his lack of one.

After his second cup Sirius grabbed his free hand and dragged him over to the center of the room, "Drunk enough to dance yet?" He asked, raising his voice over the music.

"There isn't enough alcohol in the world." Remus called back.

"You don't know that. Drink up." James cheered, a cup held out to Remus.

Merlin he was going to be drinking a lot of alcohol tonight.

He turned back to face Sirius,

"So this really doesn't bother you? All the noise and the people?" He asked. Sirius shook his head,

"Not normally. I always have you guys with me, and sometimes it helps being surrounded by all this. I'd rather be too busy to think than sitting alone in silence, y'know?"

Remus nodded, he knew Sirius hated silence more than anything.

James switched out his cup again, "Alright, Moons, another round down."

"What is this, four in five minutes? You trying to kill me, Prongs?" Remus muttered, drinking it anyways.

"Mate... That's fucking terrifying." Sirius replied.

James laughed, "I have much subtler ways of doing that, Moony, don't you worry."

"Is this gonna be a long night or what?" Peter said. They all nodded in agreement.

"Hey, why don't we speed this up a little?" James asked, tapping the wand in his pocket. Remus' eyes shot wide open,

"No. Absolutely not. Do you remember what happened to Sirius last time you used that spell?"

James waved a hand, "Oh, that was nothing. He's always like that."

"He bawled his eyes out and tried to kiss a suit of armor." Peter raised an eyebrow, "Even drunk he's got a bit more dignity than that."

"Yeah but he's also like horrible at drinking. Maybe it'll work better with Moony since he's got a better tolerance."

"Hey!" Sirius pouted, "I can drink just fine, thank you."

James snorted, "Whatever you say, mate."

Remus ignored them,

"I don't know, Prongs. I'm not really sure. It's a little... experimental, don't you think?"

"What about us isn't experimental?" James countered, "You know how many charms laws we broke making that fucking map?"

Peter shook his head, "No, c'mon man. Don't make Moony your test dummy. It's his second time drinking. We'll try it out some other time."

James shrugged and waited for him to drink before giving him a new one, "Your loss. Now you're stuck filling your cup all night."

Remus downed it again, looking bored, "You know what, you're right. I'll be over at the drink table. I should probably stick closer to the source, yeah? Let me know if you need anything." He told them, walking awkwardly through the crowd.

"Hey Alice." Remus smiled, when he finally reached the table, resigned to drink until he began to feel the 'buzz' the others kept referring to, "How's everything going?"

"Not bad, you?"

He shrugged, filling his cup, "I suppose I could be worse."

"Are you... drinking?" She asked incredulously, "I've never seen you drink before."

He sighed, "Yeah, and you probably won't ever see it again."

"Someone feeling a little dangerous today?" She teased. He tipped back his cup, wrinkling his nose at the heat that settled uncomfortably in his chest,

"Hopefully not."

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the people around them.

"Where's Lily? Did she come?" He asked, Alice nodded,

"I don't actually know where she and Regulus went, but I know I saw them earlier."

"Wait, Regulus and Lily?" He questioned, "I didn't know they hung out."

She gave him a vague shrug,

"Yeah, none of us really know him that well, just you guys and Sirius. But he and Lily have this thing where they always sit next to each other at parties, they try to keep each other in check. Nerd stuff, I guess."

"Huh..." Remus took one last drink before standing up from his seat, "I've gotta go, thanks for the chat."

She nodded, "Yeah, see you around."

While Remus was busy being a wallflower, James and Sirius made their way to the other side of the room. Sirius grabbed Regulus' attention and waved him over,

"Hey, Reg. Bigger turn out than usual, right?" He asked. Regulus nodded,

"Yeah, there's hardly anywhere to sit anymore." He looked around for a second, "Your friend throw up yet?"

Sirius laughed, "No, Pete's fine. We're actually staying sober today."

Regulus rose an eyebrow at them both, "I find that very hard to believe."

"Hey, Regulus." James smiled.

"Potter." He nodded curtly.

James pouted, "Don't I get a warmer greeting? We've known each other for years now."

"Maybe you will in a few more years." He replied smoothly, taking another leisurely sip, "How's the courting coming along? Sing any songs to her yet?"

James looked confused, "Who?"

"You know, the love of your life."

His face went a deep shade of red, "What?"

"Evans?" Regulus was amused now, "Salazar, Potter. Seriously, how much have you had?"

"None." Sirius frowned, turning to face him, "What's up with you, mate?"

James only shook his head, "I've gotta go."

The pair watched him dissappear quickly into the crowd.

"The hell was that about?" Regulus asked.

"I've got no clue." Sirius rubbed his forehead, "But it's definitely weird."

"Pete." Remus sighed when he found him, tapping his arm to get his attention, "Come here, I have to ask you about something."

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Remus was weaving his way through people again, trying to keep his drink from spilling as he was bumped around.

They walked to the far corner of the common room. Peter looked concerned,

"Are you alright?"

"It's about Prongs." He started, keeping his voice low so the music would drown them out.

"Prongs?" He repeated, "What's wrong, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, he's fine. It's just-" He glanced around to make sure nobody was listening, "Do you ever think he acts a bit... strange at parties?"

Peter snorted, "You mean when he's drunk? Yeah, I'd say he's a little different than normal."

"No, I mean like- we've seen him drunk before, right? He isn't usually so over the top when it's just the four of us."

Peter nodded slowly, "Right."

"But when he's here, he gets all weird."

"Well yeah, because he's trying to impress Evans."

"But isn't it strange that he stopped hitting on her around the castle years ago but still hits on her when he's at parties?"

"Alcohol destroys your filter, man. Maybe he's just really good at pretending to not care."

"Or it's something else."

Peter watched him for a moment, a sudden suspicion in his eyes, "Are you drunk?"

"What? No, Peter, listen-"

"Hey, what's all the whispering about?" Sirius asked, walking up with James and Regulus on either side of him. James' face was red.

"I think Moons is getting a little tipsy." Peter laughed. Remus rolled his eyes,

"Shut up, Wormtail."

"Seems perfectly normal to me." Regulus joked, "Sarcastic as always."

"Remus isn't sarcastic when he's drunk." Sirius offered, "When I saw him he was-"

Remus shot him a look and Sirius stopped talking immediately.

"You never did tell us what happened." Peter said, glancing between them.

"And we won't." Remus cut in before Sirius had the chance, "That's between Lily, Sirius, and I."

"Wait Evans was there too? I thought it was just you and Padfoot when you got drunk?" James asked. Sirius' eyes widened,

"Maybe it's best if we drop the subject, yeah?" He gave Remus a pointed look.

"Why won't you say what happened?" Regulus asked, curious himself now as he looked to his brother.

Remus swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable. Sirius cleared his throat,

"Finish your drink, I want to dance."

"So commanding." Remus grumbled, even as he lifted it to his lips without hesitation.

Sirius stepped up close and placed a finger underneath the cup, meeting Remus' eyes as he tipped it back.

Remus was... well let's just say he was a little more awake now than he was a moment ago, his entire body humming with electricity at the look in Sirius' eyes.

He finished the drink, throwing the cup onto the floor,

"Fine." He took Sirius' arm and dragged him back into the crowd of people.

"What the fuck just happened?" Peter laughed. James shrugged,

"It's them, when do we ever know what's going on?"

Sirius stopped when they reached the center. Remus rose an eyebrow,

"So...?" He started.

"Yeah." Sirius laughed softly. He wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, like you would if you were slow dancing. The song was the exact opposite tempo, but neither of them really cared enough to notice.

"I'm not upset about what happened that night." Remus told him as his hands wound around Sirius' waist, "I know I made a big thing about it, but I don't blame you."

Sirius' head was shaking before Remus even finished his sentence, "It was your first time drinking, Moons. I should have been more aware of what was going on."

"I told you I'm not upset." Remus protested.

"I know, I just don't believe you."

"Would you like me to get Lily? She'll be glad to tell you every thought I shared with her about it."

Sirius cringed, "Merlin, no thanks. I'd honestly rather die than rehash that with Evans again."

"It wasn't that terrible."

"Says you! You didn't do what I did!" He laughed.

"Well nobody forced you to do what you did either!"

"It was kind of implied." Sirius gave him a sly smile.

Remus scoffed, "Okay, first of all-"

"No, no, no! You cannot deny that. You would never have done it." He cut him off.

Remus sighed, "Fine... Maybe you're right."

"Maybe?" He raised an eyebrow. Remus laughed,

"Okay, you're absolutely right. I would never have done that. You have my gratitude for taking one for the team."

Suddenly he was smiling again, "It wasn't that terrible." He mimicked.

"You want me to tell her you said that?" Remus asked, pretending to pull away to go find her.

"Don't you dare!" Sirius laughed as he jerked him back into the embrace, making them press fully against each other on accident.

"Oh." Remus whispered. Sirius took in a sharp breath,

"Oh." He repeated.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Over by the drinks table James, Peter, and Regulus were still talking.

Peter was stuck between watching Sirius and Remus, and watching Regulus and James.

He couldn't deny it now, James was weird at parties. Even though he wasn't drunk like he normally was, Peter could still hear that tone in his voice, see the look in his eyes that meant he was totally and completely whipped.

Only... Lily Evans wasn't anywhere around.

He glanced back at Remus and Sirius to find something had shifted dramatically in the few seconds he'd looked away.

They stood, holding each other tightly, staring into each other's eyes. Peter could feel the tension from across the room. He felt his own eyes widen quickly looked away to give them privacy, accidentally staring at Lily Evans instead.

"Hey, I'll be right back." He told James and Regulus, who were currently in a heated argument about the best quidditch play from the world cup this year.

Neither of them replied so he just walked away, coming up to sit down beside her.

"Hey, Wormy." She smiled. He smiled back,

"Hey, Evans. This is a great party."

She chuckled, "Yeah, it's interesting to see you actually a part of it."

"Hey, my chess games were top notch." He laughed. She bumped their shoulders together,

"And so were your bathroom hogging skills."

"Touché."

She glanced towards Sirius and Remus,

"Do you see them?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, I was watching them earlier. It's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah. They deserve to be happy."

"You think they'll make each other happy?" He asked, a little hopeful.

She nodded, her voice was certain, "I do."

"What ever happened between the three of you? Remus refuses to tell anyone, all we know is that it was the only time he ever got drunk."

She snorted, "Merlin, that is really not my story to tell." She smiled at him, "But I can assure you that I know they'll make each other happy."

"You had sex with one of them, didn't you?" He asked. He could see it in the blush that formed on her cheeks.

She looked away but didn't deny it.

"Well, shit. That's one hell of a first drunken experience." Peter muttered.

"I think it was a lot more than just one first experience." She nodded towards the pair again, "If you know what I mean."

"No way." He gasped, "Did they..."

She held her hands up, "I don't know anything, alright? According to this conversation I was too drunk to remember that night."

Peter blew out a long breath, "Noted."

Lily sipped on her drink leisurely, just like Regulus always does. This reminded him of something he noticed earlier,

"So, do you and Regulus know each other well? I saw you guys together when we first got here."

"Oh, kind of. We only hang out at parties. We're like each other's safety net in a way, we make sure nothing goes wrong and that neither of us gets too messed up."

"I don't know, a few years ago probably. It's been a while." She shrugged.

"When did that start?" He tried to make the question casual. Something about the way she said it reminded him of what Remus had said earlier. 'Or maybe it's something else'.

"So you guys always sit next to each other?"

"Mhmm." She glanced around, a slight frown on her lips, "Except today apparently. He went of with Sirius and he hasn't come back yet."

Peter nodded, letting it finally sink in.

Everything James did when he was drunk was always in her direction, the singing, the confessions, the love-sick puppy dog eyes.

But it wasn't ever at her, was it?

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

"Can I ask you something?" He spoke quietly. Regulus eyed his hand but didn't shake him off,

The others had gone off to their separate conversations, leaving James and Regulus alone. James hadn't even noticed Peter leave.

Regulus had ended up winning their quidditch argument, pulling out a trump card James hadn't thought to bring up. He was impressed, his smile wide and genuine. He liked that Regulus wasn't just as passionate as he was.

They stayed quiet for a little bit, Regulus sipped on his drink and James tried to look at anything else, not wanting to get caught staring.

Eventually he couldn't take it anymore.

James turned completely to face Regulus, touching his shoulder to get his attention,

"Shoot."

"Everyone always tells me that my... 'courting' is over the top when I'm drunk. Is it really that bad?"

Regulus' lips twitched up in a smile, "It's not terrible. Some people find it endearing."

There was something different in James' expression when he asked, "Would you happen to be one of those people?"

Regulus watched him for another long moment before he answered, "I guess you could say that."

James nodded and looked away. He never moved his hand, Regulus didn't either.

"Do I ever say a name?" He cleared his throat, "Like when I'm... I don't know, people say I confess things. Do I ever say who I'm talking to?"

Regulus thought back to everything he remembered about Potter's attempts at flirting,

"I'm not sure... No, I don't think so. You did get the color of her eyes wrong one time, Lily laughed about it for like a week. It's hard to forget that they're green. But then again, you were really drunk so nobody blames you."

"What color did I say?" James asked quietly. Regulus looked at him then, the intensity in James' voice throwing him for a loop,

"You said gray."

There was a long pause before James looked up at him too. His eyes searching Regulus' own, like he was memorizing them.

"I meant it."

Regulus was confused for a moment, then he realised that was his eye color. James must have been talking about his eyes.

He froze, but then...

Oh.

Oh.

"Potter?" Regulus suddenly couldn't remember how to speak. James swallowed hard,

"Yeah?"

"It was... Lily you were speaking to all those times... right?"

James shook his head slowly.

"Who was it?" Regulus' question was a whisper.

James finally moved his hand, though instead of dropping it, he lifted it up to hover over Regulus' cheek,

"Do you really need me to answer that?"

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

"Sirius, I-" Remus looked away, his head spinning slightly, "I think I might be a little drunk."

Sirius' fingers dug into his shoulders, "How drunk?" He murmured. Remus' eyes held something deeper in them when he replied,

"Not so much that I don't know what I want."

"What do you want, Moons?"

The question was never answered.

It took them mere seconds to make it to the stairs leading up to their dorm.

They shut the door behind them, laughing and clutching onto each other as they caught their breath.

"Can I admit something to you?" Remus whispered, his eyes bright with excitement, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that night."

Sirius nodded, "I know how you feel."

"I- I want you, Sirius." Remus turned to face him, holding his hands between his own, "More than that, I... I want to be with you."

"With me?" Sirius questioned. He refused to get his hopes up.

"I think I'm in love with you." Sirius blurted out. He wasn't exactly sure why. He wasn't even drunk. Remus didn't seem to mind, his small smile turned brilliant,

"With you." Remus repeated, "I want everything, Pads, I- I want a life with you. I always have."

And if Sirius had any ounce of self control, the dazed look in Remus' eyes and his small giddy smile was enough to shred it to pieces.

"I think I'm in love with you too." He whispered.

And those were the last words either of them spoke for the rest of the night.

Remus Lupin would always remember the only two times he'd ever gotten drunk. But not for the reasons you would expect.

[californiaquail]

i have to bitch about my stupid fucking workplace or i'll die

ok i had a hot second where i thought it was getting better and i might be able to stick it out for long enough to not look terrible on my resume but then today my boss snapped SO hard at me literally just for doing my job and it almost made me cry. he usually has a huge stick up his ass about getting to people very promptly so when somebody pulled up outside who he needed to talk to my coworker said "oh go let him know mrs so and so is here" so i went over and he happened to be talking to his office manager whose dog has pancreatitis so i waited for a pause in the conversation and then said "mrs so and so is outside" and he was like "yeah i'll GET to it when i'm DONE with this" in such a forceful and bitchy tone that it made me physically recoil and say "ok just letting you know!" in a much nicer tone than i needed to and then i was struggling not to cry for the next 30 minutes for the crime of doing what i was told.

FURTHERMORE someone who previously held my position dropped her cat off today and they were all shit talking her behind her back and i've literally never heard them talk about previous assistants in any other way like it's always oh she was dumb oh she was such a know it all oh he hated her. i said "oh she seemed nice when i talked to her" because she was and my coworker was like "well when i came back to this job after taking a break he told me i had two jobs; to help [other tech] and get rid of her." so apparently this asshole literally will not just say it to the faces of his employees and just psychologically tortures them into quitting which really makes me think he's trying to do the same to me which is a realization i had many weeks ago but i was trying to believe i was making it up because i'm insane but i guess i'm NOT. to make this situation better one of the (two) techs is leaving after this week to go back to school and the other one doesn't work on fridays so i'm about to be the ONLY person to do all the animal restraining shit cleaning medical note taking prescription filling etc and his office manager leaves after 1 so phone calls after that too. for a man who openly dislikes me and does not speak to me at all if he doesn't have to. i asked the tech who's not leaving for advice and she said yeah have everything you can ready because as you can see he does as little work as possible. and i was like oh so we're all seeing that and you're just letting yourselves get walked all over and doing all of the work for him ok. then she reiterated what i already knew about not letting him see me not doing anything. then she told me "just pick up the phone and don't wait for someone to tell you you can" whole time i was never actually told that i'm supposed to be picking up phone calls i just started doing it when they weren't available because they told me to but i'm frequently unable to answer people's questions because i Just Fucking Started and i've never worked in a vet clinic before. and then i'm made to feel like i'm obnoxious for not knowing things and asking questions. if you are having issues with your employees being know it alls maybe you should stop making them feel like shit for not knowing things? also it is SO fucking bold of him to treat me like shit on his shoe when i am as mentioned about to be the only fucking person on fridays and one of two people the rest of the week. if you want me to quit so bad say it to my fucking face like a goddamn adult and clean the dog shit your damn self or make your poor office manager do it since you won't deign to do normal animal care tasks. he doesn't even have any fucking job postings up even though he's supposedly soooo short staffed (he is obviously but maybe he just doesn't care because he never does any of the work) and i know because i'm on all the job groups and on craigslist and indeed etc all the time because i hate this damn job and want one where everyone doesn't dislike me.

TO BE CLEAR i have been doing my level best this whole time despite being suicidally depressed (largely from this stupid fucking job) and exhausted from having to get up at 6:20 am to catch the bus, i have done everything i've been told to do to the best of my ability without complaining even shit like scrubbing the dead dog freezer or cleaning and reorganizing random ancient stuff no one has thought about in ten years or pointlessly cleaning things that aren't dirty just to look busy, i am always professional and polite to clients and my coworkers, i am often the first person there in the mornings and the last to clock out, i never bother him with questions because i learned very quickly he somehow doesn't have the answers to anything practical about how his business runs because he's comfortable being tech illiterate and making other people do it for him. as far as i can tell his dislike of me is literally just because i have god awful auditory processing so it takes me a while to understand verbal instructions and i have to ask people to say things again or repeat things back a lot. like he literally hates me for the crime of being a little slow and ? not automatically knowing ten million highly specific to this job and clinic things? i get paid $18/hr my rent for my room with my obnoxious preachy landlord costs WELL over half my paycheck i get absolutely no benefits i didn't even receive a contract or any kind of legal forms except a w2. broadly speaking i would consider myself a pretty patient person but now i'm just deeply pissed off and fucking broke on top of it. i think i'm going to give it one or two fridays to see how bad it really is and if it's as bad as i'm anticipating it would be generous of me to give two weeks' notice. and then does anyone think it would be detrimental to acquiring future jobs if i were to work in the weed industry? i can't tell if it would look bad to non weed employers but there's a listing for greenhouse people which i think sounds awesome. if you read this whole thing we will have an autumn wedding

[organchordsandlightning]

clocking artemy in for his 'rescuing abandoned babies' shift at the plague house factory

[thebibliosphere]

Talking in a group chat with some fellow author friends earlier, and the subject of our book reviews came up. As in, "What's the favorite thing anyone's ever said about your book?" type thing.

I had to pause and think about it because people have said a lot of nice things about my work. That it's the queer goth love child of Jane Austen meets Terry Pratchett, for one. That Nathan's disability arc meant the world to them. That Vlad's blatant neurodivergence made them feel seen. That Ursula's profound loneliness made them feel less alone.

But the one thing I see time and time again that makes me smile is the word "comfort." So that's the one I went with. That people find my work comfortable.

So you can imagine my surprise when someone chimed in going, "Noo, don't say that! Your work is so good!"

I won't lie, it took me a solid ten to twenty seconds to realize that she thought someone describing my work as being "comfortable" was an insult and not one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

And maybe I'm just several types of mentally ill, chronically ill, and too beaten down by the world, but I do not understand what is wrong with comfort. Comfort, for me, is a physically unobtainable goal. You might as well rank it up there with getting transported into another world and becoming Queen of the Fae. For me, reading comfortable narratives where people get taken care of with compassion and love is a fantasy.

And, like, just objectively speaking, something being comfortable doesn't mean it's not good.

It doesn't mean it's not thought provoking. It doesn't mean conflict-free or lacking moral dilemmas. It means people feel safe reading it, knowing those things will be resolved.

I'm not trying to keep my readers on edge with anxiety, always wondering where the next plot twist will come in. That's not my style of writing. It's not my goal. It's fine if it's yours, but like... Comfort is not an insult, and it makes me a little sad to think some people think it is.

[illnessfaker]

tw: black+trans death

from the_yvesdropper on instagram:

our beautiful black trans brother, 35 year old Righteous Torrence "Chevy" Hill, was murdered in Atlanta, GA this weekend.

he went by his nickname 'Chevy' he was originally from Macon, GA. he owned Evollusion, which is a black/ queer owned LGBTQ+ salon in Atlanta that provided and dedicated full service to specializing in hair, nails, barbering and makeup. growing up as young black queer boys/kids, the barbershop experience can sometimes be a tricky space to occupy, this was something that Chevy understood and wanted to cultivate a space of safety where you can also get the affirming look and style you want, and he did exactly that.

Chevy was a beloved son, brother, partner, and father.

one of his last posts that had a photo of himself said :

"if you truly know me, you know i am a humble, modest, private man, that i love my community, i have the love of God in me and will give the shirt off my back to any soul in need, also i never post pictures of myself, legaey give myself credit, that stops today, i am my legacy!"

(a close friend of Chevy asked if i could share more then one photo of Chevy, since he never posted photos of himself and in recent years he got the confidence to want to share more photos and now he won't get the chance to)

Chevy, hey king, hey brother, hey angel, thank you for everything, i lové you, we lové you, i'm so sorry. there are a lot of photographers in heaven who will be able to photograph you as the glorious black trans angel that you are.

there will be a homegoing service/memorial for our brother

there aren't many details about what happened but apparently he was shot by a family member last wednesday, the 28th (at least this article was the one linked in relation to his murder.)

judging by both the IG post and the comments section he was well-loved by many people and those people have many good memories with him and nothing but good things to say. this is a comment that was left by tirajmeansgolden which was hidden by IG for some reason:

I started testosterone in February 2020. I hit this man up at the end of 2019 after numerous Google searches for an LGBT-friendly barber near me (and by near me... he was a good 35-40 minutes from the rural area I was in outside of Atlanta: but when I found out he was a trans man and that his business was the first and only LGBT hair bar, I knew it would be worth the trip). I was a dysphoric mess in his DMs one Sunday. I hated how my hair was growing out. I never had a "masculine" hairstyle before but decided one day I would buzz it all off myself, then allowed it to grow out a bit... I sent him a video and despite him being closed on Sunday, he told me to come through. I got my hair braided and he gave me my first really masculine fade. Explained the different terms. Lined me up. Was asking me about my decision to transition and provided some helpful advice + guidance. I told him how I was a therapist and he was hype and said he talked with a group of trans men and he would love for me to stop by and also give some mental health tips. So whoever said he was humble - wow, what an understatement. Such a community man! Made me feel SO comfortable because barbershops were a source of major trauma and triggers for me. They were such an integral part of my early transition (I just celebrated 4 years later week). And he was such an integral part of the Atlanta Queer community with hosting events like Queer Con. How I found so many other great resources + queer businesses/artists. May you rest in peace, Chevy. You'll be missed. You've made such a different in the lives of countless people. You definitely were living your Purpose + left a legacy behind ...

[solecize]

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: you welcome your boyfriend back to the country with a surprise party, just as the clock is ticking to say goodbye again. the big day is almost here and enlistment brings couples either one of two things: a ring or a breakup.  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), infidelity, foul language, substance use, underage drinking, mentions of the covid-19 pandemic, sexually suggestive content  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. the series is told in non-chronological order. note that the main character is a member of a fictional idol group. more warnings may be added as the story is written. join the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤm.list | next

you say, "i don't understand, " and i say, "i know you don't" we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

TODAY’S TOP HEADLINE: bts’ rm, jimin, taehyung and jungkook set to enlist in the coming weeks! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤautumn 2023

the confrontation   when it rained, it poured and you felt like you haven't seen even a glimpse of the sun in ages. there was a nagging feeling in your gut that it was too far gone, but like everything else for the past ten years, you swallowed it down and swept it under the rug. bad feelings didn’t exist in your relationship. that was the unspoken rule. yet, it was growing more and more difficult to mask the disappointment in your eyes or the frown fighting your lips. today marked the worst of your attempts.

  seoul was unusually calm tonight and it scared you. when you moved to the city ages ago to begin your journey as an idol trainee, it was nothing but intimidating for your meek, pre-teen self. eventually, over time, your love for the city bloomed and it was truthfully because of jungkook. once young teenagers that arrived to seoul alone, you found solace in each other and embraced the change as one. he made you fall in love with seoul the same way he made you fall in love with him. dates, nightclubs, late night adventures, and years worth of moments within the city limits. 

  however, the streets were as hushed as you were, as you gripped your steering wheel like a robot. 

  the decision had been long made and you knew it was going to come around at some point, so there was no use in fighting it. after going without seeing your boyfriend for months, it should have been nothing but pure excitement.

  “you’re awfully quiet,” murmured jungkook, glancing over at you from the passenger seat.

  you were already annoyed to begin with, when he mentioned that he was going to have a driver pick him up from the airport, instead of asking for you. it felt like he didn’t even expect to have you waiting for him, considering the two of you had been apart due to his time working in the united states. you thought he’d be insisting for you to be the first person he saw once he came back. these frustrations were on top of several other things, which you’d been dreading to confront for even longer of a time.

  and then, there was also the velvet box you spotted in the background of one of your facetime calls. you didn’t bring it up, but it was living in your mind everyday since. with jungkook’s big day fast approaching, there were a lot of conflicting ideas in your head.

  you shrugged. “i’ve been filming long hours. not getting that much sleep.”

  the look jungkook gave you read that he knew that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest, but he didn’t say anything. his eyes returned to being fixated on his phone.

  after over ten years of knowing each other, you and jungkook could see through each other like glass. the only problem was that nobody ever wanted to speak up. you feared the glaring possibility of other buried conflict dating further back into the relationship because of this dynamic.

  you didn’t think you deserved the blame for the tension in the air. there were several things in your mind, but jungkook wasn’t exactly a person who could easily mask their emotions. something was off with him, too, and you needed to figure out what it was. you could only hope for the best case scenario because otherwise, it was going to be your worst nightmare. there was no situation you could fathom where his behaviour was a result of an in between. 

  keeping your voice casual, you asked, “who are you texting?”

  “my mom.”

  you held back a sigh - jungkook was never particularly keen on involving you with his family. though you’d been together since he was sixteen, you always felt like he kept you an arm’s reach away from that part of your life and you never understood why.

  “oh. tell her i say hi,” you said and he hummed in response. 

  whilst you weren’t in a talkative mood, it wasn’t like jungkook was doing anything to keep the conversation flowing either. you guys obviously texted and called during his time away, but the present atmosphere was awkward, like there was nothing to talk about after his grand return. you hugged and kissed at the airport, asked how his flight was, and that was that. driving him felt like a business endeavour, rather than welcoming your long-term partner back to the country.

  after a few minutes, jungkook finally looked up from his phone. upon peering out the window, he grew confused and turned to you.

  he questioned, “where are we going? the apartment is in the other direction.”

  “just wait,” you assured, forcing a small smile. “take off your hoodie and put on what i have for you in the backseat.”

  there was a shopping bag sitting behind jungkook’s seat and he reluctantly reached over, revealing a silk ysl shirt that you picked up that very afternoon. sighing, he did as you asked and made the change. you didn’t care to look over at your boyfriend’s shirtless body, too irritated at the curtness of the conversation.

  you just wanted to get to the destination, the heavy silence becoming too much for you. there wasn’t even music on. you found yourself focusing too much on it, as you finally pulled up to the infamous hotel azure. somehow tucked away in the busy songpa district, it is unassuming to the civilian eye, but a well-known name amongst the circles of south korea’s entertainment industry. you didn’t “make it” in entertainment until you attended a party at hotel azure.

  jungkook shifted in his seat. “what is this?” his tone was demanding, which immediately put you off. “the plan was to go home.”

  to be fair, the last time that the two of you were at the azure hotel, jungkook wound up with a bloody nose after getting into it with an not-to-be-named yg idol at one of jackson wang’s wild parties. you weren’t even sure what happened yourself, bleary eyed for the majority of the night with several substances in your body. hotel azure was for idols at the top of the world with everything to lose, a favourite place of yours around 2018. it was now a place that you actively tried to avoid, but made an exception for the special occasion.

  “calm down,” you shot back, not letting him get away with the voice he used. “just wait, i said.”

  “i’m tired, y/n,” jungkook pleaded, as you stopped the car for the valet to take. 

  you ignored him - it wasn’t like it was up to you - and unbuckled your seatbelt, not waiting a second for jungkook. 

  not only did you pick up your boyfriend from the airport, you also spent hours meticulously preparing your appearance for the night. it didn’t seem like jungkook noticed, other than at the airport, when he questioned why you were wearing high heels. 

  you never wore heels unless you were working, but that changed when you met jungkook. he loved it when you wore heels and by the time your respective trainee debts were paid, made it a point. you bought platforms with the anticipation of how your boyfriend would go crazy over them. jungkook gifted you designer jimmy choos and pradas whenever you guys got into a fight. it made you feel your prettiest and he showered you with compliments every time.

  now, he looked at you oddly for it, like you were doing too much.

  jungkook eventually gave up and followed you in without a word, watching you take off your trench coat to reveal a stunning baby pink two-piece dress. the colour glittered under the low lighting of the hotel lobby and the corset accentuated your curves in all the right aways. except, he still did not say a word. this made you frown.

  you handed off your coat to an employee and jungkook did the same. the lobby was empty, but you and jungkook knew exactly where to go, making a beeline for the elevator and pressing the button to move up to the penthouse suite. 

  “why didn’t you warn me about this?” he grumbled under his breath, adjusting his shirt in the mirror.

  because that’s how surprise parties work, you wanted to reply. unfortunately, this was not a surprise party that you wanted to celebrate, so you didn’t even try to keep jungkook excited. you were both quiet, irritable, and only wanted to go home. 

  you said, “this is the part where i cover your eyes and lead you out.”

  jungkook complied and you placed your perfectly manicured hands over his line of vision. other than sharing a hug and kiss earlier, this was the closest you’d physically gotten to your boyfriend in months. your hands were cold and you were close enough that he could hear your breathing - all too uncomfortable. 

  the elevator dinged and you nudged jungkook to step forward. the penthouse’s lights were off, but you could make out the shuffling of feet from behind the kitchen counter. it looked like everything was set up and pristine. then, in just a beat, the entire room lit up and you removed your hands from jungkook’s eyes.

  “SURPRISE!”

  the floor rumbled, voices roaring and bodies popping out from different places - behind pillars, couches and the bar. jungkook’s eyes brightened in a way that you had yet to see since reuniting with him earlier and it made your heart sink. you hadn’t realized how dull his demeanour was around you until something else actually made him smile.

  his closest friends and family gathered in the penthouse and there was a large, golden banner that hung from the walls that said “welcome back jungkook!” the other wall was decorated with another banner, but this one said “good luck rm, v, jimin and jungkook!” 

  jungkook’s older brother was the first one that enveloped him into a bear hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him, then his mom. this was followed by the remainder of his band mates that managed to make the party. you awkwardly stood off to the side, a wide smile plastered on your face to mask your despondence. it seemed like jungkook’s exhaustion only existed when he was sitting in a car with you, as his laughter echoed throughout the room.

  you caught jungkook’s eye and he already knew how you were feeling. while he exchanged words with other friends, it was namjoon who pulled you to the side.

  “hey. you guys did a really great job with the party,” you started, looking around.

  the penthouse of the azure hotel was a thing of beauty, with ceiling high windows that looked over the lights of seoul. everything shone and glimmered - the city skyline, the perfect marble floors, the expensive liquor bottles, and hell, even the perfect teeth of the myriad of a-list south korean celebrities gracing this exclusive party. there wasn’t a wrong way to ever throw a party there, but the group made an extra effort to make jungkook’s homecoming a special one. 

  jungkook was swarmed by several people, all asking about his time in america and how exciting it was. those were the words you used to describe it for him, too, when you sent him off months ago. you watched him take shots with mingyu and eunwoo. 

  namjoon shook his head, “no, no. this wouldn’t be possible without you,” he said and then glanced at jungkook, “and i’m sure he knows it, too.”

  the boys, despite it also serving as a goodbye party before their enlistments, had been helping you plan the surprise for weeks leading up to jungkook’s arrival. it was one of the longest times jungkook had been apart from them and from the country in general, so they wanted to make it extra special. though you were the main mastermind behind the gathering, you initially didn’t want to do it at all. 

  “yeah, i hope so,” you replied, as you poured yourself a glass of white wine. “you guys all deserve it.”

  over the years, jungkook’s band mates slowly became some of your friends, as well. it was somber goodbye for you in all kinds of ways. everyone was preparing to send them off with good luck and high spirits. 

  the boys were also preparing in their own way. you noticed that taehyung and jimin’s girlfriends were missing from the party, which only confirmed your speculations. 

  “it was just bound to happen,” said a voice.

  it was taehyung who joined you and namjoon in a quiet circle at the corner of the living room. all of the boys looked a little bit sad, despite the celebratory atmosphere, but you read a different kind of story in taehyung’s eyes. 

  he smiled with a hint of gloom. “you’re looking around for her, right?”

  as a fellow idol and also a girlfriend to a member of one of the biggest groups in the world, taehyung’s girlfriend grew to become one of your close confidants in the past few years. you guys were polite before, but this connection created a specific bond that couldn’t be understood by anyone else. however, you hadn’t heard from her in a few days and with her absence at taehyung’s goodbye party, you put two and two together. 

  to his side, namjoon clapped a hand on his friend’s back. “sorry, man.”

  “i hope it was cordial,” you mustered up, ignoring the growing heaviness at the pit of your stomach. you could only hope you weren’t next.

  taehyung replied. “she understood, but she wasn’t happy. regardless,” he sighed, “we’re still so young. her career is just blowing up even more, i feel like i’d only be holding her back.” 

  that was the way it went. when enlistment rolled around for most couples, it was either breaking up or a ring. you looked at your feet, not knowing what to say. 

  “jimin also told me that he broke things off with - “

  a loud yelp squeaked from taehyung, who was abruptly jabbed in the side with namjoon’s elbow. the latter cleared his throat and you recognized that look. namjoon only made that face when he pulled the leader card and needed to put someone in their place. you figured that your worries were transparent to those around you.

  namjoon cleared his throat. “not in a chatty mood?”

  while you greeted people during the set-up of the party, you realized that you had yet to actually try socializing. things were awkward with jungkook’s parents, who you long suspected didn’t approve of you for various reasons. in general, most people were interested in chatting with the boys, which you didn’t mind. it was a gathering to send them off, after all.

  “not really. you guys should go mingle with your friends,” you said, taking another sip of your wine. “it’s your party.”

  “i hope i’m not overstepping, but did you and jungkook get in a fight?” taehyung asked.

  you blinked slowly. “no. does it seem like it?”

  “just seems like he’s nervous about something,” he commented and you noticed namjoon glare at him once more, as if to shut up.

  for the first time that night, you felt a glimmer of mixed feelings that left you wondering. why would he be nervous? the big visual forming in your mind was a diamond ring. you and jungkook had contemplated marriage in the past year, but it was also the source of many arguments. you weren’t even sure you wanted to get married now, but your mother had been getting into your ear about you getting older. then, there were your respective companies who lost their shit at the idea. but, what really mattered, was jungkook’s opinion. he seemed to wave it off or change the topic at every opportunity, so your hopes for a ring lived in the back of your mind. 

  despite this, taehyung was right. jungkook looked nervous. he’d been irritated at being dragged to his surprise party - you wondered if it was delusional enough to believe that he had plans for the two of you, instead. 

  for the rest of the night, you continued to keep to yourself. you weren’t lying when you told jungkook you were tired, but you were determined to stay as long as you could and pretend that you and jungkook weren’t stealing mysterious glances at each other for the entire evening. it was obvious and only made you anxious. 

  a few hours later and the party only grew in numbers and in noise. you thought you lost him in the crowd, until you left to refill your nth drink and found him talking to his cousin.

  the two were smiling and laughing, as his cousin appeared to be showing jungkook pictures on his phone. you assumed it was her newborn daughter - she gave birth just two months before her fiance was to be discharged and now that he was back, the wedding was just around the corner. you remembered jungkook telling you that she was proposed to on the day of his enlistment. 

  jungkook caught your eye and he immediately looked away - what the hell was that? he even turned slightly and you couldn’t read his lips. something was going on. you watched him shove his hands in his pockets and you swore you saw the shape of a small square inside.

  eventually, you grew tired of the tension in the air and the music began to make your head pound. the longer you thought about your partner, the greater your anxieties grew. there was a chance you even just although it was late in the year and a fresh sheet of snow adorned the streets of seoul, you decided it was best to step out into the balcony to take some time to breathe. 

  nobody else was there, thankfully, and you let out a shiver when you stepped out. the peppermint air dispelled the haze in your head and in your heart, as taking a deep breath was the greatest relief you felt all night. though your muscles remained tense and you knew you wouldn’t last out in the cold, the balcony was a welcome change.

  you weren’t sure how long you were outside when the door creaked open and just by the footsteps alone, you knew who it was.

  “your guests will miss you,” you said, not even looking behind you.

  at this point, you were hugging yourself to stop shivering. a rustle later and you felt a thick blanket drape over your shoulders, the wool of its make completely enveloping you with much needed warmth. you relaxed your shoulders, but couldn’t look jungkook in the eyes.

  “something’s wrong. tell me.”

  jungkook’s wine stained lips were pulled into a frown and although he hid it well when he was chatting away with his friends and family, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes. he sniffled a few times and you knew why, but you decided to bite your tongue. it was his party and he was an adult who could celebrate whatever way he wanted. it was also clear that neither of you had the energy to argue. instead, to his surprise, you raised an arm and gestured for him to come closer.

  he sidestepped towards you and although you were shorter, let you wrap some of the blanket around him. his cold arm snaked around your waist and you tensed up again at his touch.

  you continued to look out into the skyline. “i was going to say the same for you.”

  “i’m really thankful for the party, love,” he ignored your question and pressed a kiss against your temple.

  you mumbled under your breath, “it wasn’t easy." this was the first time all night that you were comfortable enough to physically touch jungkook and you suspected alcohol played a role in relieving the tension between you two, but it was always going to be easy to fall right back into routine.

  and just like that, you felt a stinging sensation in your eyes. tears welled up and blurred your vision, which only made you turn your head away further from your boyfriend. he caught this immediately, his instincts nothing but natural when it came to you, and pulled you right into his chest. 

  the sound that came out of your mouth sounded nothing like you. the sob was desperate and helpless. it was akin to a toddler who couldn’t do anything by themselves. your voice cracked with each body-shaking sob and you didn’t have the guts to conceal it. your head was buried into jungkook’s new shirt, ruining it, but he only stroked your hair and wrapped the blanket tighter around the two of you.

  “it’s okay. . .” jungkook cooed and for what seemed like the first time in a while, he sounded like himself. 

  it wasn’t like jungkook had undergone a drastic change from his time in america, but it was a gradual shift that you felt over a longer period of time. you attributed to the fact that you were no longer teenagers and things weren’t going to be the same as it did ten, even five years ago. that was what you told yourself, but you weren’t sure why you still held on to the old jungkook you knew.

  in that moment, he sounded like the fifteen year old boy you met in a convenience store again. he sounded like the jungkook who wrote you disgusting love songs that were horrible, but you adored anyway. he sounded like the man who you talked about children and a big house and an annoying dog with. 

  as you found the bravery to finally pull away from jungkook’s comforting embrace, you looked up and saw that future in his eyes. his features softened, but he looked sad. your heart sank once again.

  “you’re not just crying because i’m enlisting, are you?” he finally spoke, just above a whisper. his tone was certain, barely a question - after ten years together, jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

  you froze. there was nothing else you could do but shut your eyes tight, pretending that this wasn’t really happening.

  after a beat, you found your voice. “listen. . .we both know what happens after a man enlists. look at taehyung and jimin. look at your cousin.” 

  over the years, you and jungkook had gone through hell and back. you thought the worst day of your life was when dispatch leaked the news that you were dating five years ago, but you were able to recover. you thought it was the worst day of your life when your breakup was witnessed by the entire world, but you were able to recover. you even thought the worst day of your life was when word got out that you and jungkook got back together, effectively proving that you were weak and were the type of girl to crawl back to her ex. you recovered then, as well.

  at the second part of your sentence, you felt jungkook physically tense up.

  “is that why you’ve been acting weird lately?” he replied.

  you don’t know where it came from, but something triggered a spark of anger in you. still, with a tear stained face and a runny nose, you opened your eyes and met his. this was not something you would be able to recover from.

  you said, “it hasn’t just been lately, jungkook. you know exactly what’s on my mind, we’ve been talking - “

  “ - and you know what my answer has been, baby. you know what kind of position i’m in,” he interrupted, breaking apart from your hold and the blanket he brought for you.

  he wasn’t wrong. you did know what kind of position he was in. one of the biggest stars in the world and he had everything to lose, especially with the anxieties looming in the air for him and the rest of his group. every one of them were on their toes as soon as their enlistment dates were finalized, fearing their fade from the spotlight. you and the rest of the world knew that it was bullshit, that the bts was going to be forgotten just because they were going into the military for a few years. 

  marriage would surely ruin that further, right?

  you said, “and you know what position i’m in.”

  the careless joys of your early twenties had come and gone, which left you at the mercy of your mother’s constant talks about marriage. not just her, but other family members and even some of your friends. after all, you and jungkook had been together for ten years and you were pushing thirty sooner or later. 

  you also had your own fears in regard to your career. jungkook once laughed when you expressed your worries about the public no longer finding you young and pretty, but it was a real fear. most girl groups didn’t last more than a few years. many of your contemporaries had long said goodbye to their idol persona and went their separate ways from their band for a new life. you were considered a lucky one to remain with your group and maintain relevance, but for how long? was it time for you to finally settle down? you weren’t granted the same longevity as jungkook’s renowned group and you weren’t bitter about it, but nervous.

  snowflakes began to fall once again and as one fell on your eyelashes, you noticed jungkook’s jaw clench. 

  “we’ve talked about this,” he said and you knew your wandering thoughts about a potential proposal were too good to be true.

  you began, “look, i know that things are different for people like us. . “ but, things were changing. in recent years, you watched several of your peers get married and have children without losing their spot in the limelight. 

  “y/n. . .what made you think i changed my mind?” jungkook sighed, pacing back and forth to calm himself down.

  “i just thought. . .”

  “i’m sorry, but i wasn’t going to propose before my enlistment.” this time, jungkook’s frustrations melted away and there was genuine sadness in his voice. 

  he stepped closer to you and put his hands on your waist. you didn’t know what to say. you really had been pretending that his strange behaviour was because of a hope that seemed impossible now. 

  you took a deep breath. “you never said no. you made it seem like you were considering it.”

  that was what silenced jungkook. it was true, there was never an outright refusal from jungkook. he would say things that implied he would talk to his company again or “with time” it would come. he gave you just enough reassurance, but never confirmation. 

  continuing, you said, “and you even indulged in keeping the fantasy alive with me. you’re sick for talking about honeymoon destinations with me and suggesting songs we could dance to.”

  “hey. i’ve said time ands time again that there is no future where you aren’t by my side,” jungkook tried getting you to look at him, but every time he moved, you turned away. 

  there was no reason for you to make eye contact. you felt like a fool and if you met his eyes, you knew you would just burst into tears again. then, you thought about your conversation earlier with your friends and your vision became wet again.

  “were you planning to break up with me before you enlisted?”

  “what? no,” he responded, but you weren’t convinced. 

  you responded, “it was going to be inevitable, wasn’t it? like jimin and taehyung. you were going to be done with me.”

  this time, jungkook forced you to look at him by the chin and your shoulders dropped. there was a crease in between his eyebrows that you don’t remember seeing even just a year ago. he looked more tired than he did as a rookie with barely survivable living standards. 

  “time really goes by, huh?” you murmured, fighting to keep your voice stable.

  “we were never going to break up, love,” jungkook maintained.

  still, his words didn’t penetrate further than surface level. you were left numb and the chill of winter in seoul had nothing to do with it. you wished that someone would just call jungkook away, but the party inside continued on without him. 

  “you bought a ring. i saw it when we video called.”

  jungkook’s lips parted. you knew it. you knew you weren’t losing your mind. over the last ten years, you made some crazy accusations for all kinds of reasons. this time was different and you saw it on his face.

  even after what seemed like forever, jungkook couldn’t find words to say. the longer he waited to speak, the faster your heart began to race. 

  he rubbed his temples and finally, he spoke. jungkook spoke and you immediately dropped the blanket he brought for you, dashing right back inside. you walked past every single attendee and ignored the few that cried out your name. you didn’t care what it looked like. you just knew you had to get out of there.

  jungkook said there was a ring. he began to open his mouth and explain further, especially when he read the horrified expression on your face, but you wanted no part in it. there was no room for you to think about what that meant. you only saw red.

  you weren’t sure why you wanted a proposal so badly. you knew you didn’t care that much about what your mother wanted and getting married was no solution to the prospects of a dying career. you were second guessing if your wishes for a wedding were even genuine. 

  on the other hand, maybe you intended for the wedding to be a solution to a dying relationship. 

LATEST NEWS: hybe dismisses reports that bts’ jungkook and S.IREN’s nova are engaged, seeking legal action against gossip website that went viral for spreading the false rumour

@butnotmontana @rinkud @kookiescutie @nlr1606 @claireshelby @xtrataerrestrial @whoa-jo @tinyxrose @lavendersugarplum @bangtans-momma @firelcrds @sstrongstyle

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

My thoughts about the Trump assassination attempt

After having a few hours to process this whole thing and see reactions from across the political spectrum, I'm having some thoughts and some feelings.

First off, as I said earlier, Trump is a fucking boss. Take anyone who ran for president in the last 20 years, put them in that exact situation, and I don't think a single one responds by raising his fist and snarling in defiance and righteous anger. They run. They cry. They keep their heads down and the first statement you h ear from them is hours later filtered through 20 different speech writers. Today proved to me that, whatever else he may be, Trump is a genuine bad ass. He's exactly the person I want at the end of a sword pointed the United States. Because he's going to have a sword of his own pointed right back, and he's not going to run and hide when it comes time to use it.

Second, the modern left is full of monsters. The amount of people screaming and crying because this assassination attempt failed actually sickens me. It's one thing to have fantasies about easy solutions to the things that scare you. Hell, I'm not innocent. I've thought about how much better things might be if this politician was no longer around or this activist group got axed. But one of the things I did today was think about how I would feel if the assassin succeeded. And then I thought about how I'd feel if someone took a shot at Biden and he didn't survive. Neither thought gave me any good feelings. Obviously I'd be more upset if Trump died, but today showed me that I don't want us to start down the path of shooting political leaders. But too many people on the left, people who should know better, at least enough to hide their true feelings, have no problem publicly wishing Trump was dead right now. That assassinating presidential candidates was a legitimate tactic--but only against the politicians they don't like, of course.

Fuck that.

Fuck them.

America is better than that. Americans are better than that. We're not some third world shithole like Mexico. We're the greatest country in the world. We're the last bastion of representative government. The last place in the world where freedom exists. And it's time we started acting like it.

Third, I ain't got no time for conspiracy theories. Sorry guys, but this wasn't staged and this wasn't a CIA hitman. Unless real, hard evidence comes out otherwise, you won't ever get me to believe any of the nonsense I've seen floated around. Don't be so lost in the true things the media has dismissed as "conspiracy theories" that you immediately jump to the most conspiratorial explanations first for everything that happens. It's lame and cringe and a lot of people I've seen seriously putting these theories forward should know better. I know we're in our emotions right now, but keep your heads.

Fourth, my heart breaks for the families of the people who were hit with the bullets meant for President Trump. But that's the kind of evil we're facing. Whoever did this decided that the idea of a Trump presidency was so awful that they were okay with shooting innocent people just to stop him. And this is after he was already president and none of the things the media is fear mongering about happened during his first term. Those people just wanted to see a man speak. To have some hope for the future. And some piece of shit shot them because he didn't like a presidential candidate. Or worse, because the TV made him scared.

Fifth, fuck the media. You think you hate them enough, but you don't. The media is the driving force behind our enemies, and there's no such thing as a good journopig. They're all lying propagandists. We just like some of them because their propaganda occasionally hits on the truth.

And that's all I got. None of this is organized, none of this is proofread. These are just the thoughts I've been wrestling with for the past few hours. This is the only place I can get them all down without being interrupted or feeling like I need to censor myself. Do with them what you will.

[churipu]

THE MOMENT THEY REALIZE THEY'RE IN LOVE ִ ࣪𖤐

featuring. gojo satoru, sukuna ryomen, itadori yuuji, toji fushiguro x reader

warnings. cursing, college! au, toji being a single father during his second term of uni (i searched that most japanese college uses 2 terms or trimester system / 3 terms, 1 term of uni in japan is around 15 weeks apparently) -> please tell me if i get this wrong.

note. omg, for the anons who have sent in requests to me, i apologize if these came out before your requests did, i'm trying to empty out my drafts :( but pls note that i am not ignoring your requests at all, it will be written, i promise <;33

GOJO SATORU

when he finds himself checking his phone countless of times, waiting for your message

i promise you, you both started out as work partners in one of your lectures. the two of you were complete strangers to each other — he doesn't know you, and you don't know him. but, either way, the two of you had to get to know each other because this was a crucial grade to pass this lecture.

gojo never thought about having feelings towards you, his work partner. he thought to himself, he'd just get this work done, pass this lecture, and never see you again.

but fate is a funny thing.

the way you made him feel like he wasn't just special because of his face, but his heart too. whereas most people in campus would consider him the pretty boy who could go head-to-head with the hottest celebrities — they just think of him as a pretty boy. and gojo would just go along with them, he gets used to it.

but you? you didn't consider him special at all. although, you did make him feel special the way other people can't.

gojo deep down, knows he was fucked up the moment he finds himself checking his phone to see if you'd reply to his messages, and when you do, he gets so happy. gojo was never a fast responder to everyone — because he practically receives the same kind of messages, "gojo hang out with us", "gojo go out with me", "gojo i like you".

but with you? he won't waste a second at all. even if sometimes you didn't reply as fast as he does, because you are a busy person in campus. you'll work on that after you both started dating, i promise.

SUKUNA RYOMEN

when you stood up for him when nobody would.

sukuna, how do i say this? not everyone is fond of him, people are scared of him — they talk shit behind his back, and don't dare to approach him. people dreaded when they have to be in the same group with him, despite the fact that he actually works; they still think he's a bad person.

"you guys are talking shit to a person who's in our group, if you want to say something to him, have the balls to say it to his face. and while he's here, why don't you tell him about it?" you tell the two people who were sitting beside you, who had been talking in whispers about how they were unlucky to be grouped up with sukuna.

and sukuna? he could honestly care less, he'd gotten used to those kind of things anyway. but when you actually stood up for him, he could only look at you with an amused smile.

he's definitely curious about you after that day — he has pride. and he'd never admit that he's actually pretty thankful that you, the first person to stand up for him, actually did what you did. because now people are a little terrified of being told off by you.

sukuna finally sucks it up at the end of the semester and tries to talk to you. yes, it took him the whole semester to talk to you, asking you for your number, and then thanking you for what you did because nobody has ever done that before to him.

ITADORI YUUJI

when you went all out to tutor him so he'd pass his lectures, teaching him patiently when he doesn't understand something.

yuuji hates studying. and when his lecturer asked you to tutor him, he feels extremely bad for you — he feels that he'd just going to waste your time tutoring him, when he knows that he's going to fail this one subject.

but when you reassured him, and encouraged him. saying that you will do anything to teach him so that he could pass, he gets a little emotional at the thought. you both were just mere classmates, and he barely knows you, vice versa.

when he doesn't understand a topic, he gets so frustrated at himself for not being able to understand it. but you, you were very patient with the male, reassuring him that you had the time to teach him over so that he will be able to understand the said topic.

and when he does finally understand, he gets so happy. he started looking forwards to your tutoring sessions, and like everyone said: if you enjoy something, it passes by quickly. and it's true, yuuji feels like time went by in a flash, and the exams soon started.

he passed with flying colors, he makes sure that you know about his grades — and points out that without you, he wouldn't be able to pass. yuuji, gets a little upset when he realizes that if the exams are over, you had no more tutoring sessions with him; which meant no more conversations.

so he has to ask you out right then, he didn't want to just return as mere classmates. he wanted to be more than that.

TOJI FUSHIGURO

when you didn't care about his shitty reputation of being a single father while still being on the second term of uni.

being a single parent is hard enough. not to mention, in university. not married, with a baby itself gets a lot of unwanted (negative) attention — toji, who once failed to get a babysitter on a weekday, and so he had to bring his eight month old son to class.

his son—megumi— was a calm baby, thankfully. the young one didn't cry or babble during lectures, and he just slept through it. toji was a little relieved to say the least, but ever since people find out about him being a single father to an eight month old baby, a lot of assumptions and words have gone around.

toji hated group works, especially when he has to pick the group himself. people didn't want a single father to be in their group, they assumed that the male would focus on his baby and ends up deserting the group work.

so when that particular day where he has to bring megumi to campus, strapped on a baby carrier on his chest. his lecturer just had to give out a partner work, and to add the cherry on top; the lecturer left the class to choose their own partner. so the male sat on his place, a pencil in between his nose and upper lip as he puckered them lightly — hearing his classmates choosing each other.

he figured that he could just do this and get the grade himself, solo. but when you came up and slipped into the seat next to him, he was of course surprised.

you asked him if he would like to partner up with you for this work, and after a few seconds, he accepted your offer.

toji knew it was getting bad when you didn't care about what people say about you getting close to him. just by choosing him for this work made your reputation falter a bit, and he was honestly ready for you to back out of the partner work.

but you didn't, and he knew it's bad for him, his feelings, and his heart.

the way you treated him and megumi like they're both normal (which they are normal humans), and the way you always make him feel included makes his heart race. sometimes, when he fails to look for a babysitter when you both are working for this project, you tell him he didn't have to since megumi is a calm baby.

he finds himself in awe when baby megumi plays with you during both of your little meet ups outside of class to do the project. he's in love.

© CHURIPU 2024 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE

[barcaatthemoon]

fade into you || lena oberdorf x reader ||

lena takes your virginity.

minors dni, 18+, smut warning.

not proofread because i have 30 minutes to get to work and still need to eat breakfast.

the move from manchester to bayern was a big one, but you hadn't made it alone. your older sister keira's best friend, georgia, had transferred with you. with georgia there, you practically had another older sister there with you. and it was great, up until you met lena.

the bayern and wolfsburg games were pretty intense, but you loved it. english soccer hadn't necessarily been physical enough for you, aside from your very heated games against arsenal. lena could match your aggression and put you on your ass if she really wanted to.

at first, there had been a couple of close calls. georgia had gotten herself carded arguing with lena twice before someone said something. after that, you had players like magda and pernille, your team mothers, who looked out for you instead. they were a lot more protective, not even letting the german player talk to you after games.

lena hated the way that they watched over you like a hawk whenever she was around. all lena had wanted to do then was talk to you, and she had to wait months before she finally had a good chance to do so. georgia had tried to step in to "protect" you whenever lena approached you after an international game against each other, but she wasn't nearly as intimidating as magda.

"(y/n)!" lena called out as she chased you down in the tunnel. you froze on the spot, unsure of what lena could have wanted with you. that game had been difficult to say the least. tensions had been high, and several players on both sides had gotten a little sketchy with some of their tackles and challenges. "do you mind if we talk for a minute?"

"you want to talk to me?" you tried not to sound so surprised, but you couldn't help it. lena nodded as she extended her hand towards you. georgia looked a bit angry as you took it, not noticing the looks from leah, lucy, and your sister behind her.

"i'd prefer to do it alone," lena told you as she led you away from everybody else. "i've wanted to talk to you for a long time, but there are always other players around. your friends don't seem to like me too much."

"they are protective. we have a tendency to go a bit harder after each other than anybody else," you pointed out. lena couldn't argue with you on that one. she admittedly did play a bit rougher with you than she did with other players. however, lena knew that sometimes that was what it took to stop you from trucking through their defenses.

"i like how you play. i can't wait to be on your team." lena rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. you studied her for a moment, just long enough to be distracted by her features. your eyes bounced all around her face and body, shamelessly checking her out a bit. "before that, though, i'd like to get to know you better. maybe we could go on a date when you get back to germany?"

"why wait that long?" you asked her. lena looked surprised, like she couldn't believe that you wanted to spend time with her so soon. "i won't be drinking with the rest of the team tonight, and playing cards in my sister's room can wait. you guys leave tomorrow night, and i think that leaves just enough time for us to go out together for a night."

"the whole night?" lena asked. you were quick to shake your head, but refused to elaborate any further. lena didn't know that you were a virgin, she couldn't have. not a lot of people actually knew that, and while you had been told that it was nothing to be ashamed of, you couldn't help but feel like you were lagging in your age group.

"i'd like to see where things go first. hooking up isn't really my thing," you said quickly. you hoped that it came off casually, but you knew better than that. you weren't that lucky, not when it came to relationships. you had only ever dated one other person, and it had ended so badly that you kind of thought you'd never date again.

…

naturally, as your relationship progressed, lena eventually learned about your lack of experience. she had been kind about it once you told her. a lot of things that you had done over the past few months made sense to her. lena had known that you were shy, but now she understood why certain things messed with you as much as they did.

"good morning." lena greeted you with a kiss as you walked into the kitchen. it was her first week in her munich apartment, and she had asked for you to stay with her. the two of you had been together for nearly half of your first season at bayern. now, you'd get to play at the same club together, so she would be there to keep you company instead of georgia.

"this isn't good for my german," you told her. lena shrugged it off and wrapped her arms around your waist as she pressed several kisses to the side of your face. "i really do want to learn, lena."

"liebe, you are doing fine with the german. relax, we practice together every single day. rest your brain for a morning, it will be fine," lena said. you sighed as your body sank back against hers. you hadn't been with lena for very long in the scheme of things, but you knew for sure that you were in love with her. keira had once told you that love was a feeling that often took you by surprise, and your feelings for lena had blindsided you early on in your relationship.

the two of you had expressed your love for each other in words before, but you wanted to do more. you wanted to give yourself to lena fully. the thought was beyond terrifying for you, but you also knew that lena was trustworthy. she would take care of you, just like she had been doing for months. more than that, you trusted lena fully and wanted to show her just how far your trust reached.

"what are you thinking so hard about?" lena asked you. her voice was full of concern, breaking the blissfully relaxed energy that had been filling up her room. you had been ready to tell her exactly what you wanted, but when you opened up your mouth and looked at her, your words died out on the tip of your tongue.

"i want-," you paused, unsure of whether or not this was the time. lena would never push you towards anything, but you hadn't considered whether or not she wanted sex from you. everybody around the two of you had made a teasing remark here or there about sex, only to be shut down by an extremely defensive lena.

"it's okay, take your time." lena pressed a kiss to the top of your head as she pulled you to rest against her chest. you gave yourself a couple of moments to relax where she had guided you. once those moments were over, you shifted so that you were sort of leaning over her. "everything okay?"

"yes, i just, need to ask you something. lena, i'd like to have sex with you," you told her. lena's normally expressive face went completely blank as she stared at you. a wave of panic overtook your thoughts, but lena didn't let it get far enough for you to retract your statements.

"this is a big deal, are you sure liebe?" lena asked you. it was true, this was a big deal for you. some of your teammates had tried to play it off as something that didn't matter, but to you it did. lena knew this, and she had been fully prepared to wait until marriage if that was something you had wanted. a part of her hadn't expected you to want to talk about it again so soon, but she was glad that you trusted her.

"yes, of course i am. i love you, and i want to show you that," you said sheepishly.

"there are other ways to show that you love someone. it's not like i can give you this experience back if you decide that i wasn't the right one." for a moment, you thought lena was trying to talk you out of having sex. that idea was promptly snuffed out whenever you finally looked her in the eye. lena looked almost to tears, but there was no sign of anything other than joy on her face.

"i'm sure. i want you, and only you." lena had never heard you speak with such confidence or conviction before. you were shy, always keeping to yourself or your very carefully selected circle of friends. "just, please remember that it's my first time."

"always, we will take it slow," lena promised you.

…

neither you nor lena had really brought up having sex again for the remainder of your stay with her. you had assumed that lena had forgotten, not that she was working on making the last night of your week together so special. for the most part, you had been completely oblivious until she was practically shoving you out of the house to go shopping with sydney and laura.

they were nice, but still very much lena's friends. you had a lot of fun with the girls, who had definitely talked you into spending more money than you meant to. by the time that you headed back to lena's, you had enough things to fill an extra suitcase.

"lena?" you called out into the apartment. it looked empty, but lena had obviously cleaned and rearranged a few things. you could see the table set very romantically, and you wondered for a moment if you missed some sort of anniversary. all of those thoughts were practically thrown out of your head when you saw lena walk out of her bedroom. "you look amazing."

"i know that we did not talk about this before, but i really want to be with you before you leave. only if that's okay with you," lena said. she brushed a strand of your hair back behind you ear as she stepped into your space. there was never an invasion with lena, she was always welcomed eagerly with open arms.

"i'd like that. i've been thinking about it a lot," you confessed. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. something told you that lena would have kissed you either way, but this kiss felt different. this kiss built to something bigger, something that your body had been anticipating for a couple of weeks now.

lena pulled back from the kiss to lead you to the table. you sat there a little awkwardly by yourself while you waited for her to return. lena had obviously put a lot of effort into the meal, preparing things that you recognized as supposed aphrodisiacs. you noticed the distinct lack of alcohol at the table, which lena explained away as not wanting anything to possibly taint the experience.

"how are you feeling?" lena asked you. she leaned back against the counter as she watched you put the last dish in the dishwasher. you had fought her about leaving the dishes in the sink for tomorrow and cleaning up, but lena relented in the end. she had rinsed a few of the pots and pans before you were even home anyway, that was enough help as you'd accept.

"nervous, but in a good way. i trust you though, just show me what you like i guess," you told her. lena smiled as she pulled you in for a kiss. this one was soft and sweet, a gentle press of her lips against yours. the next couple ventured away from that territory, right up until lena was pinning you against the counter by the kitchen sink and kissing you absolutely breathless.

"i'm going to find out all of the things that you like. maybe it'll take more than a night, but we have the rest of our lives to figure everything out." lena picked you up with ease and carried you into her bedroom. every part of the house had been done up for tonight, so it shouldn't have come as a shock to you to see the candles and flowers all over the room.

"you spoil me. what if i want this every time we have sex?" you asked her.

it was a teasing question, but lena answered you with complete sincerity, "then i will do this every single time. there is nothing i wouldn't do to make you happy."

"i love you," you told her. lena blushed as she pressed a kiss to the corner of your mouth.

"i love you too," she mumbled. you threaded your fingers through her hair and lifted her head up so that she was looking at you. she repeated herself, suddenly a little afraid that you hadn't heard her. you pulled her in for another kiss, opening your mouth almost immediately to welcome her tongue.

lena dropped onto her knees on the bed to lay you down gently. her body quickly covered yours once again, and lena slotted herself in between your legs. the two of you had laid like that before, but now it felt different. both of you knew where this was leading, and while lena would assure you that you could turn back whenever you wanted, you knew otherwise.

you were grateful for lena taking her clothes off first, even if you had been head over heels for the outfit. it was rare that you got to see lena out of her kit or the sweats that she liked to wear around the house. and while there was little hotter to you than lena walking around in a tank top and sweatpants, the black slacks and white button up that lena had worn for tonight drove you a little crazy.

however, you were glad to not feel quite so underdressed for the occasion. you hadn't changed from the jean shorts and t-shirt of lena's that you had worn out for shopping. lena had barely let you go whenever she saw you in her shirt that morning, but you had compromised with her by cuddling on the couch until laura and sydney came bursting through lena's apartment doors.

"can i touch you?" lena asked as she motioned towards your bare chest. she was almost completely naked above you, only wearing her underwear. your shorts were still on, lena slowly making her way down your body. your lips were bruised from kissing her, and there were little wet spots from lena kissing along your neck and jaw.

"please do," you told her. lena smiled, dipping her head down to press a kiss to the little dip in between your collarbones. lena's hands massaged your breasts as she littered kisses all over your chest. you could feel that you were wet, but you didn't want to rush lena. as many times as she had told you that this was for you, you had reminded yourself that this was also for her as well. it was your first time, yes, but it was also your first time together.

with each inch that lena moved down your body, you felt your arousal and anticipation grow. you were practically shaking by the time that lena finally reached your shorts. she opened her mouth to ask if you still wanted to continue, only to be met with you impatiently shimmying yourself out of them. lena had the tact to hide her amusement, but you didn't miss the little glimmer in her eye.

it wasn't the amusement that you had mistaken it for. after your show of enthusiasm, lena let her own eagerness be known. the kisses that lena pressed to your hips and thighs were messy, much messier than the ones placed on your chest. lena paused and sucked a hickey onto the inside of your thigh, barely an inch away from where you were practically frothing at the mouth waiting for her to touch you.

"mine," lena muttered sweetly as she ran her finger over the hickey.

"make me yours," you begged her. you weren't sure what had compelled you to say that, but if lena's reaction was anything to go by, it was the right decision. lena grabbed your thighs and held them apart. you heard her swear as she really got a good look at you spread out in front of her.

there was nothing that could have prepared you for the feeling of lena's mouth on your cunt. you had kissed her hundreds of times already, but her lips felt completely different between your legs. you blindly reached around for something to grab until you felt lena take your hands in hers. it was sweet and grounded you, distracting you from your rapidly approaching orgasm.

"i don't want to cum yet," you whined. lena lifted her head to look at you. there was something reassuring in her eyes, something that quelled the panicked thoughts about embarrassing yourself in front of her.

"it's okay, let it happen. it always happens faster than you'd like the first time." lena spoke gently, more so than you had ever heard her before. you closed your eyes and tried to only focus on the way that lena felt as her tongue moved between your folds.

you couldn't stop the moans and all the little noises that normally would have embarrassed you. lena hummed appreciatively at each noise you made, like all she wanted was to hear them again. the focus of lena's tongue switched from just lazily lapping at your cunt to zeroing in on your clit. you felt a finger press against your entrance, rubbing teasingly as if she hadn't planned on actually entering you.

"lena, i think i'm gonna cum," you warned her. lena just sort of squeezed your hand as she continued with a steady pace. lena didn't want to overload your senses, so she tried to keep things going a little slower. she paid attention to every little signal that your body was giving her, helping you reach your peak and work yourself through it.

"you did so good," lena praised as she littered your face with kisses. your cheeks were flushed and your chest was heaving. you had made yourself cum a couple of times before, but it was nothing like having lena touch you. the feeling of lena touching you made you never want to even try to get yourself off ever again. "how are you feeling?"

"i've never felt like that before," you told her. it was a good feeling, but you couldn't quite articulate that yet. lena nodded, seemingly in understanding, and cupped your cheeks to pull you in for a kiss. "i can't believe i didn't ask for that earlier."

"go on to the shower. i'm gonna put the sheets in the wash," lena told you. she tried to move away, but you clung to her like your life depended on it. "liebe, we have to clean up."

"yes, and you can come shower with me. then, when we're out, you can put the sheets in the wash while i pick out something to watch in the living room." lena wasn't going to argue with you, especially not when your plan included a chance to shower with her. you knew that you had won when lena didn't try to argue with you, so you pulled her out of bed and towards the bathroom. your legs were a bit shaky still, so lena held onto your hips to steady you the whole way.

[applesauce42069]

I had a friend. She was Palestinian. We had a good rapport. We saw each other at parties, we hugged, we talked. We didn't talk about things in detail, especially when I moved away from antizionist activism (she played a role in getting me involved) but we had a general sense of respect. We recognized that we probably wouldn't agree on everything, but we stayed friendly.

After Oct 7th and the beginning of the massacre of Gazans she reached out to me, and we made a plan to get coffee.

The night before, I posted that Jews are Indigenous to the Levant and she blocked me. Not a word. We never got coffee. She has a different group of friends now. I haven't seen her since.

I don't blame her. Its a really hard time. I know how I felt on Oct 7th, so I have an idea of what it feels like to watch your people get massacred from afar and be able to do nothing. Every day has been October 7th for her and her family for months now.

I also won't let go of my principles, of who I am. I know where I come from and I'm not going to deny my people's inherent right to self-determination and sovereignty in our ancestral homeland. I am also not going to deny hers. I feel connected to her because we share a homeland and also ancestry.

Its devastating that as a Jew and as an Israeli citizen, I can get on a plane any time I want and visit my homeland. For her, for Palestinians, it's not that simple. My dream is that one day we will meet for coffee in Jerusalem. One day we will be allowed. And we will have no reason to block each other or hate each other and there will be peace and freedom.

One day.

[canirove]

The invinsible princess | Chapter 1

"Champions of Europe"

Index | Chapter 2 (coming out next Friday - September 20)

Masterlist

“C’mom, go talk to her. Look at how miserable she looks.”

“Why don't you go talk to her?”

“Because she doesn't fancy me, Gavi” Ferran smirks.

“That's something the press made out.”

“Or not” Ferran shrugs. 

“If you don't go talk to her, I will.”

“Fermín, don't you have a girlfriend?” Gavi says.

“Yeah. And?”

“You can't go talk to the princess. That's cheating.”

“It's just talking, Gavi. Relax” he chuckles.

“Unless the press sees you and then boom! Fermín the Prince” Ferran laughs. 

“Fermín I of Spain. Sounds cool, I like it. What do you think, Pedri? Pedri?” he says, looking around for his teammate.

“Where is he going?” Ferran asks.

“He’s… Oh my God, he's walking towards the princess!” Gavi gasps.

“There he goes. Pedro I of Spain” Fermín chuckles

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“And then it all had been a mistake!”

“That is so funny” my dad laughs. “Isn't it, Sofía?”

“So funny” I say with my best fake smile. 

Why am I stuck with a bunch of old men? This is a party to celebrate that Spain just won the Euros. I should be out there mingling with the young people, talking with the players and their families, getting to know them all a bit and properly congratulate them. But no. I'm stuck with a man telling us about his latest golfing trip to Scotland. 

“Something similar happened to me last time we went to Mallorca” my dad says, making me already disconnect from the conversation. I know which anecdote he is about to share. I probably already know it by heart just from hearing him telling about it to everyone he's met lately. So instead of listening to him, I start looking around.

There are some players dancing with their partners, others playing with their kids (which is the cutest thing ever), others are just chilling… And then, there is someone wearing red and a medal around his neck walking towards me. Or trying to. 

“Right, Sofía?” my dad says again.

“Yeah, yeah” I nod. 

One of the good things about him having told this anecdote so many times is that, by now, I also know when he asks for my support and how I have to react to it, what I have to say. Which comes very handy when your eyes are stuck on the guy smiling and standing in front of you, and who is currently moving his head to one side to make you follow him somewhere. 

“Dad, do you mind if I go get myself a refill?” I ask him.

“Yes, sure. But just beer.”

“Just beer, I promise” I smile before finally leaving the group of men and following Pedri. 

Oh, yes. Because the guy who had been smiling at me and asking me to follow him, was freaking Pedri González. 

“Ma’am” my bodyguard says behind me. “Are you going somewhere?”

Shit. Fuck. I had forgotten about him.

“I'm just going out to get some fresh air. I'm feeling a bit dizzy” I say with a nervous laugh.

“Alone?” he says, looking at the glass door that leads outside the room, Pedri waiting on the other side.

“I… Ummm… It'll be just five minutes.”

“Ma'am…”

“Five minutes, Carlos. It's not like he can kidnap me or something with his leg like that” I chuckle. 

“He cannot, no. But what about others? You are Spain's Princess.”

“But not the heir. No one cares about me.”

“Don't say that, ma'am.”

“It's the truth” I shrug. “Anyway, can I go outside for five minutes? Please? He may just want a photo for his mum.”

“Ok, fine” Carlos sighs. “But don't leave the building.”

“I won't, I promise” I smile before basically running towards the door. He may still regret letting me go.

Once outside, it takes me a moment to find Pedri. When I spot him, he is resting against one of the huge windows, checking the brace he has to wear on his knee. 

“Is it too uncomfortable?” I ask him as I walk towards him.

“Uh?” he says, looking up. And maybe, just maybe… I gasped when the lights from outside illuminated his face in all the right places.

“The brace. Is it uncomfortable?”

“A bit, yeah” he smiles. 

“I'm sorry about what happened.”

“Thank you” Pedri smiles again. “Though everything worked out in the end” he says, touching his medal. “Do you want to try it?”

“Oh, I, ummm…”

“Here” he says, taking it off before walking towards me and putting it around my neck, carefully untucking my hair so it doesn't get tangled with the strap. “Perfect. How does it feel?”

“Heavier than I expected” I chuckle.

“It can't be heavier than a crown” he laughs.

“I don't know. I've never tried on one.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah. It's not like I'm gonna be the one who is gonna have to wear it. That's my sister, the heir.”

“But you still are a princess, aren't you? Don't all princesses wear crowns?”

“Nope. I may get to wear a tiara one day if I'm invited to a big event like a royal wedding or a reception for someone important, but other than that…”

“I'm sorry.”

“Oh, don't be. Sometimes being the second born that everyone forgets about actually comes with its perks. Like being here today, for example.”

“I thought it was because you liked football.”

“That too” I chuckle.

“And football players?” Pedri asks me. “Do you also like them?”

“What?”

“My friends were talking about you fancying Gavi.”

“That's my sister, not me.”

“Ha! I knew it! I knew it was her and not you. But they were so convinced they didn't want to listen to me.”

“I'm used to people mixing us, don't worry” I say while playing with the medal. “And I actually am more into dark haired guys than brunettes like him.”

“Are you?”

“Yeah” I shrug, still focused on the medal. 

“Anything else you like in your men?” 

“Why are you interested?” I ask him, looking up and at his face, a little smirk on his lips. 

“Just curious about how the future Prince of Spain could look like” he shrugs.

“Well… I like men with interesting noses.”

“What?” he laughs.

“Yeah… I don't know how to explain it. But if you look at the list of men I'm attracted to, famous or not, they all have that in common. Yours would actually make the cut.”

“My nose?” he laughs again.

“I… It is too weird, isn't it? Urgh” I say, covering my face with my hands. And that, my friends, is how you ruin things with the guy you are trying to flirt with. 

“No, no. Not at all. Is just that no one had complimented my nose before. Most girls talk about my lips.”

“Your lips?” 

“They say they were made to kiss and be kissed. What do you think?”

“What?” I say, still covering my face.

“Are my lips kissable or not, your royal highness?” Pedri says, his hands suddenly on mine, moving them away to rest at my sides. But he doesn't let go once they get there. He keeps holding them, his fingers playing with mine, his thumbs sometimes caressing my knuckles or the inside of my wrist and sending waves of heat all the way up my arms. 

“They are ok” I manage to say.

“Just ok? I think I'm gonna have to move closer so you can see them better” he says, closing the space between us a bit more. 

“They just look like lips” I shrug. But that's a lie. Because his lips do look made to kiss and be kissed.

“Maybe if we moved towards the light…” he says, his hands suddenly on my waist, moving me until my back is against the big window, the light once again hitting his face in all the right places. 

I knew Pedri was handsome, but this handsome? Wow.

“Better now?”

“Let me see…” I say as I move forward a little bit, the medal doing it with me and hitting his chest. We are so close right now… “Nothing. Just lips.”

“Well, if you can't see anything, I'll guess we'll have to try with a different sense. Like touch, for example.”

“What?”

“How does this feel, your royal highness?” he says, gently taking one of my hands and kissing it, the other still resting on my waist.

“You can start calling me ma'am now. Royal highness is just for the first time you address me.” And how I've managed to give him a protocol lesson while feeling my skin burn on the spot where his lips have been, will forever be a mystery.

“Ma'am sounds like something for someone old. What about my lady?”

“You could also call me by my name” I shrug. 

“We just met, my lady. Aren't you going too fast?” Pedri smirks.

“Me? Who is the one looking for a way to kiss me?” I smirk back.

“Busted” he laughs. 

“Though if you want to kiss me, you just have to ask.”

“Ok, then. May I kiss you… my lady?”

“You may” I whisper. 

“Thank you” he smiles. “But…” he says, stopping just as his lips brush against mine. “After I've done it, will you tell if my lips are made to kiss and be kissed?” 

“I will.”

“A princess must keep her promises.”

“I will, I promise. Now are you going to kiss me or not?”

“As my lady commands” he smirks before finally doing it and kissing me. Pedri… the Pedri… is kissing me. And it is… wow. Just wow. “And?” he whispers against my lips.

“I haven't told you to stop.”

“So bossy” he chuckes.

“Well, I am your princess, am I not?”

“You are, yes.”

“Then as your princess, I'm telling you, Pedri González, to keep kissing me.”

“With my lips made to kiss and be kissed?” 

“With your lips made to kiss and be kissed, yes” I say, making him smile before kissing me again and… Oh, my God.

I thought winning the Euros earlier had felt amazing, but I was wrong. Being kissed by him, and in the way he is right now, is what truly feels amazing. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“I think this is yours” I say, giving Pedri his medal back.

“It looks better on you, tho.”

“Oh, stop it” I laugh, putting it around his neck, the place where my hands were resting not that long ago.

“It's the truth” he shrugs. “And do we seriously have to go back in there?” he says, nodding towards the party.

“We do, yes” I sigh. “But, we are meeting again tomorrow.”

“We are, yes. And you've promised me a tour of the palace. And a princess…”

“Keeps her promises” I smile.

“Exactly” Pedri smiles back. And we stay like that, just smiling like two idiots, until someone clears his throat behind us. Carlos, my bodyguard. “I think that's our cue to go inside.”

“I think it is, yes.”

“Do you think he will send the secret service after me if I kiss you one last time?” he whispers.

“There is nothing like trying” I shrug.

“Ok, then. Bro, look the other way!” he says to Carlos while I just laugh, his hands suddenly cupping my face before kissing me one last time. “No secret service?” he whispers, opening one eye. 

“No secret service.”

“Thank God” he sighs, making me laugh again. “Anyway… I should probably go in first, shouldn't I? Distract everyone with my limping so they won't look at you.”

“Oh, don't worry. No one looks at me, I'm the invisible princess.”

“Only someone blind would not look at you, my lady.”

“Thank you” I say, feeling my cheeks getting warm. We've been kissing and flirting, and him saying that is what finally makes me go shy. “But like I told you, I don't mind being invisible sometimes. This” I say, playing with the strap of his medal. “Would have not been possible if I was the heir. And the secret service would have definitely jumped at you the moment you got too close.”

“Lucky me, then” Pedri smiles.

“Lucky us” I smile back. “Now go. I can see Carlos getting impatient.”

“Urgh, fine… See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Ok. Good night, my lady” he says, kissing my cheek.

“Good night, sir” I giggle as I watch him walk back into the party, laughing one more time when he turns around to look at me and blows me a kiss.

“Feeling better, ma'am?” Carlos says behind me.

“Much better” I smile. 

“Then I'm sorry about what I'm about to tell you, ma'am.”

“What?” I say, turning around to look at him.

“It's about him, about Pedri. Something I heard his friends talking about when I went back inside to give you some… privacy.”

“Carlos, you are starting to worry me.”

“I… I'm sorry, ma'am.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

The next day…

“My lady.”

“Pedri.”

“I wasn't expecting to be offered croquetas at the royal palace” he chuckles, nodding at the table in front of us.

“Yeah, well.”

“When we met earlier it was kind of awkward, wasn't it? Shaking hands with your parents and your sister, acting as if we didn't know each other and nothing had happened last night…”

“Did something happen last night?” I ask, eating an olive and finally looking at him. “Besides you winning the Euros, I mean.”

“We… you… what?” he says with a confused look.

“I don't remember anything important happening” I shrug.

“You don't… Oh. Oh, I get it. You are teasing me because out here someone could hear us” Pedri says, looking around at his teammates. After meeting the whole team inside the palace, we are now in the gardens, everyone chatting, having a drink and relaxing before they have to go to Cibeles to celebrate.

“I'm not teasing you, Pedri. I don't remember anything” I shrug again. “Wait, no. I do remember one thing” I say, moving forward. “That you are a dick” I whisper in his ear before walking away.

“That I'm what? What are you talking about?” he says before following me. 

“Is your hearing also injured?”

“My hearing is perfect, my lady” he says, struggling to keep up with me. “What I don't understand is why.”

“Why what?” I say, suddenly stopping. We've walked away from where everyone else is, kind of hidden behind some bushes.

“Why are you calling me a dick? What did I do?”

“Do you seriously have to ask?” I laugh.

“Yeah.”

“I can't believe it” I laugh again. “You fucking used me, Pedri!”

“What?”

“You used me to have a laugh with your friends! You made a bet with them to see who could get a kiss from me first!”

“What?” he says again, looking more and more confused by the second.

“Carlos heard them talking about it, so don't you dare try to deny it. I'm sure you all had a laugh this morning when you told them everything that happened between us.”

“We don't… I…”

“I was an easy target, wasn't I? The poor princess that no one looks at, the one who always is in the shadow of her sister, who always is the second option. I'm sure you felt so proud when you told them how easily I fell for your charms, how stupid I was. But not anymore, you hear me. Not anymore.”

“That's not what happened” Pedri says, grabbing me by the arm when I try to walk away, earning himself a even more deadly look than the ones I was already giving him. “Sorry. I'm sorry” he says, letting go. “But please let me explain myself.”

“Why? Why would I do that? You manipulated me once, you could do it again. I am that stupid.”

“You aren't stupid, and I didn't manipulate you. I…” he says, running a hand through his hair. “The boys were talking about who could get you out of your misery, that's true. We were watching you talking with your dad and those men, and you looked so… Bored. Like you wished to be anywhere but there. But I wasn't part of it, I swear. I actually was getting mad while listening to them and the way they were talking about you. So before any of them found the guts to go talk to you just for fun, I did it myself. Not the go talking with you for fun part. The one about finding the guts to go talk to you. Because I… I have a bit of a crush on you.”

“What?” I laugh.

“Yeah” he says, nervously touching his cheek. A cheek that had turned almost as red as his Spain's shirt. “Here, look” he says, taking his phone out of his pocket. “I have proof.”

“Proof of what? You being an idiot?”

“An idiot for you, yes” he says, showing me what he had been looking for on his phone. “It's a WhatsApp conversation I had with my brother yesterday before the game when it was announced that you were attending. You can check the date and the time, it isn't fake.”

Your girlfriend is gonna be at the game tonight 🤭 If you win she may give you a kiss 😚 Instead of Casillas and Sara Carbonero, Pedri and the princess ⚽👸🏻👩🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻 

“This… This means nothing” I say, giving him his phone back. 

“I can show you more messages from him teasing me about it. Look.”

People are shipping Gavi with the princess after the game 😂 Maybe he could introduce you to her little sister 😏 Gavi king and you prince 😂

“I… Pedri…”

“Everything that happened last night was real. I swear it” he says. “I didn't kiss you because of a bet with my friends. I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I like you.”

“You don't know me. Like, you barely know anything about me, only what the press publishes.”

“I know enough. Because to me” he says, taking one of my hands on his, his thumb caressing my knuckles like he had last night. “To me you aren't invisible or someone's shadow. To me, you shine brighter than anyone else. King, queen, heir to the throne or whatever.”

“That's so cheesy” I chuckle.

“But the truth.”

“Pedri, I…” I say, meeting his eyes. He isn't lying. Everything he's said about kissing me because he wanted to and not because of a bet, about liking me, about me not being the invisible princess I always believe myself to be… All that is true. I can see it in his face, on his blushed cheeks, in his eyes. He is being honest about it all. “I believe you.”

“You… You do?”

“I do” I nod.

“Thank God” he sighs. “I thought any moment now you would call the secret service and they would send me to… Where do they send people when they arrest them?”

“Can't tell you. It is the secret service for a reason” I wink.

“Makes sense” he chuckles. “But does this mean that I am not a dick anymore or…?” he says, closing the space between us a bit.

“Well… There is something you could do to make me completely forget about it” I say, also moving closer towards him.

“Something like what?” he asks, his other hand finding mine, now both his thumb caressing my skin, bringing back the waves of heat I felt last night. 

“You could kiss me with those lips of yours” I smirk.

“Here?” he says, looking around. “What if someone comes this way and sees us? Like someone from the team, your dad or… your mum. Your mum is quite scary, you know?”

“Oh, I know” I laugh. “But if we move over here…” I say, walking us behind a big tree, my back against it. “No one will see us. We'll be… invisible” I smile.

“You are anything but invisible, my lady” Pedri smiles back, his hands letting go of mine and moving to rest on my waist.

“Then show me” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. 

“Will you then give me a tour of the palace? You promised it last night, and a princess…”

“Keps her promises, I know.”

“Exactly” he smirks.

“First we kiss, then we do the tour. But just so you know, Carlos will probably join us.”

“Wait, is he here?” Pedri says, looking around, his eyes wide.

“He may be hiding behind a bush, yes” I laugh.

“Shit. If he sees together after what he heard last night…”

“I'll explain everything to him, don't worry. But if you are being serious about getting to know me…”

“Deadly.”

“Then you better start getting used to his presence.”

“I think I can do that. Because you” he says, brushing his nose against mine and making me giggle. “Are worth it, my lady. So worth it” Pedri says before finally kissing me again, making me feel what he has been telling me since we met: that I'm not just someone's shadow, a second option. That I am not the invisible princess anymore. 

[touchtheinvisiblestars]

You agree to be used as bait for a mission

"So everyone's good with the plan?" You asked, after briefing out the step by step that was put together for this latest mission.

Looking around the room, you were met with silence but an almost unanimous nod. When your eyes landed on Bucky, his gaze dropped to the floor. He had something in his mind. But didn't want to speak up.

"Fab, okay, we have three hours until it's go time. Okay? See you all back here ready to get moving?"

The small group of people made their way out the room, leaving just you and Bucky.

"If you have something to say. Now would be the time." You folded your arms across your chest. "But if it has anything to do with my capability or skill. I don't want to hear it."

"It doesn't doll, I-"

"Enough with the nicknames, you don't get to do that to me anymore."

"Sorry, I just. I still care about you, and I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Oh, that's fantastic. What's it going to take for you to get it into your head, that you don't get to play the victim when you ended things. I never wanted to break up. I was too much for you. Okay? Or whatever the bullshit excuse you said was."

"I said I wasn't ready for something as serious as what you were asking for."

"But only after we slept together and started looking for a house. Oh and I introduced you to my whole family. Only after that right?" You couldn't stop the snarky tone laced into your words.

"...Yeah."

"So what exactly don't you like about this plan?"

"The lack of contact we will have with you. You say you can't wear a earpiece, there's no cameras in this place. So how exactly will we know you need help. If, if you need help."

"I won't. I've got this."

He shook his head, "that's not good enough. What happens if you accidentally blow your cover and they cart you off somewhere to get information from you. None of us will know because you're off in some back room somewhere."

"I'll wear a panic button, will that make you feel better."

"Okay, um, yeah that will. What do you have in mind?"

"Haven't taken it off Bucky." You moved the collar of your dress, revealing the necklace he had made for you.

As if he could look any more like a lost puppy, his expression only got more solemn.

"Good, okay, I-"

"I know this is worth nothing. But I'm still in love with you. Guess I just really hate the fact you don't want me."

[fuckaperioddrama]

Blaise Zabini Headcanons

Warnings: Mentions of Sex | Mentions of Oral (Fem Receiving) | Fingering | Bondage | Mentions of Drug and Alcohol Consumption | I think that's it?? Let me know if I missed something

Proofread

Theodore Nott Headcanons Mattheo Riddle Headcanons Lorenzo Berkshire Headcanons Tom Riddle Headcanons Draco Malfoy Headcanons Regulus Black Headcanons Masterlist

MDNI | 18+

Blaise Zabini | Physique

6’2 - 6’3 | Same height as Mattheo

Lean build and naturally athletic. Very toned.

His V line??? No words.

He gives me major jock vibes in terms of how he looks.

I feel like he also looks super clean?

I don't know if that makes sense. Like skin glowing, clothes freshly pressed, very clean and nice hands. He looks like someone who has their life together.

Resting bitch face. Always looks uninterested and unamused.

Besides that, he has a really nice smile. It changes his whole aura.

Really nice teeth. When he smiles, your eyes are immediately drawn to his mouth.

His smile is just so warm and comforting.

He's really pretty?

Intimidatingly pretty, it's like he doesn't have a single bad feature.

Blaise Zabini | Personality

The best one in the group. Genuinely. Still has asshole tendencies, but there's no doubt that he's the nicest one.

He was raised by a strong woman and never had a consistent father figure in his life.

While this left its scars, it made him into someone who really respects women and their opinions.

Unlike his friends, he doesn’t see them as pieces of meat.

He has a lot of different friend groups. He hangs out mostly with the boys, but he’ll make an appearance in the other groups from time to time.

He's not friendly, but he's polite. He won't approach a random person, but if they approach him he won't brush them off.

They never get much out of him. He’s very short, not trying to carry the conversation and uninterested.

The people who don't know him think he's just like that and the people who do know him know he's hinting that he wants them to go away.

Judgemental and stubborn.

He has his way of doing things and if you do it differently then he thinks you're annoying. He doesn't get mad, just agitated.

He won't always say what's on his mind, but he'll show it through his facial expressions.

He's so funny. He has this big tough guy exterior, but he can be so sassy.

Draco will walk out in a new suit he just bought

Cost me quite a lot. I look good don't I?

Blaise will just lightly screw his face up in distaste.

Mm.

He doesnt even have to say anyting to be a bitch.

Don't ever cross him. He will make you regret every life decision you ever made.

He's so observant, he notices everything. He picks up on every mistake, every insecurity, and will point them out just to get back at someone.

Seriously. He will bring you to tears if you piss him off.

But when he's really hurt by someone or something he becomes very stoic. He will never break down in private, but never in public.

Nervous breakdown in the closet, tears, snot, the whole lot. Then he’ll walk out looking completely fine.

He is really good at putting himself together in a pinch.

Will NEVER speak up when he's suffering and he hates it when people know about the things he's going through.

A bit of a loner, but like Theo he makes appearances at parties and big events because he's from a good family. He feels like it’s expected of him.

He's an unintentionally social person. People just start talking to him out of nowhere and he lets them.

Mainly because he likes to know stuff about people.

Blaise wants the tea. He wants to know who did what and why they did it.

He and Draco have a little debrief each week to talk shit. He would never miss it.

A keeper in Quidditch

Once again, all of the boys smoke some weed from time to time. Blaise partakes in both alcohol and weed equally.

Definitely a dark liquor man

Pretty pretentious when it comes to alcohol. He hasn't even tried the cheap stuff. Never will.

He travels to distilleries to handpick his own bottles and barrels. Knows a lot about how to make whiskey, bourbon, etc. It's a little fun fact about him. | I know this is so random, but I feel like this just suits him???

Blaise Zabini | Casanova

Blaise is a pretty straightforward person.

He's not really classified as a manwhore, but he also doesn't believe in celibacy either.

He hooks up every now and then. At least 1-2 girls a month. It's very casual.

There's not a lot of buildup. He doesn't spend days pursuing these women. It's usually 2 hours or 10 minutes.

He decides he wants sex and finds a girl he thinks is attractive.

Has NEVER been turned down. It's crazy. He can talk up anyone. Such a smooth talker.

Blaise doesn’t fuck, he makes love.

He he pays attention to how their body reacts and quickly learns how to please them.

He's slow and passionate. Loves missionary.

But there's not a lot of emotion on his part. Not very vocal either.

He likes to touch and feel, he's not wasting time on words.

Aftercare is average but it’s there which is more than I can say for any of the other boys.

He'll clean them up afterwards and then place a joint in his mouth while he pours himself and them glass of whiskey. Wanna smoke?

If the they reach out to him then he'd be down to have sex again maybe, but he doesn't reach out to anyone after they hook up. He always finds a different person.

He has a three and done rule for the people he does see again. Will never hook up with a single person more than three times because he doesn't want to catch feelings or vice versa.

Doesn't date. That's it. He makes it very clear to everyone around him that he isn't a relationship person. He doesn’t lead anyone on and is very blunt about his intentions.

He says he has no interest in it, but deep down he’s really afraid of intimacy and vulnerability.

He’s got commitment issues

Blaise Zabini | Friend

Closest to Theo and Draco. They’re on the same level.

Second closest to Tom. He and Tom are the ones who sit back and watch the chaos unfold.

More so Tom because Blaise will usually end up putting a stop to it eventually.

Blaise is the glue that holds everyone together. They would genuinely fall apart without him.

He is the only person who can boss them around. No one gets it, but they just listen to Blaise?

Blaise doesn’t talk much, even around the boys. So when he does talk people have to pay attention. His voice is very deep and naturally assertive. He can silence a room with one word.

Blaise really helps the boys grow.

Blaise makes them better people because he has the most empathy.

Instead of taking his pain and turning it into anger, he turned it into understanding. He really tries to see everyone’s perspective and why they do what they do.

Whenever the boys get into arguments and are so wrapped up in their own pride Blaise is the one to remind them to think about how the other person feels.

Devil's Advocate. Usually a middle man. It’s rare he’s involved in confrontations.

The boys don't take care of Blaise in return because he won't give any indication he needs taken care of.

Except Theo. He knows Blaise doesn’t want to talk about what he’s going through, but he notices the difference in his demeanor. It's because they are very similar in how they handle their feelings.

It’s hard for Blaise to let loose and have fun. He’s usually very serious, but the boys are able to coax it out of him.

When Blaise does let loose he goes wild.

The most drunk, the most high, and he is running in every direction causing the most chaos. The boys are shocked each and every time and without fail always bring it up whenever they hang out.

Three months after the incident they’re all sitting in the common room and Lorenzo speaks up.

Hey Blaise? Remember when you got drunk and almost went home with that 70 year ol-

Remember when you knew how to shut the fuck up?

Blaise Zabini | Boyfriend

Gentle

He's so tender and sweet with you.

Blaise never yells at you. Ever.

I feel like Blaise also has this protector/provider mindset. He spent most of his life taking care of his mom and making promises to her that he would never turn out like the men she married. The men she had to get rid of.

It's part of the reason why it took him so long to let himself fall in love. He felt a lot of pressure to get it right and make his mom proud.

Blaise isn't big on PDA. He thinks it’s showy and unnecessary, he'd much rather show his affections in private. Physical Touch

Blaise still likes to keep you close to him despite not being big on PDA. Like Mattheo he finds comfort in knowing you're safe. But Blaise won't reach out to touch you, he’ll just make sure he's in your space.

Letting your legs touch as you sit together, walking so close through the hallways that your hands graze with each sway of your arm, standing directly behind you so much so that your back is pressed flush against his chest.

You always know he's there.

Then there's private touches.

He'll send you a note to meet him in the Room of Requirement after class.

The second your foot steps into the room you're pulled into his embrace. You feel the weight of his shoulders melt away as he slumps into your touch. Pulling back he traces his finger tips up your arm, moving past your shoulder and neck before gently cupping your face in his hands. He doesn't say anything, just staring at you while his eyes scan every feature from the tip of your hairline from the bottom of your chin.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. He mutteres pushing his face down and connecting his lips to yours. I just missed you.

When you're standing in the hallway he'll softly squeeze your hip for a couple of seconds to announce his presence.

Sometimes when you're walking with the group he'll grab your wrist and hold you back while the others keep going. Before you can even question it you feel his lips press against yours.

He smiles at you and you two bask in the couple seconds of tenderness hidden from the rest of the group.

Blaise doesn't feel the need to announce his love to everyone, just the one that matters. You.

He mainly shows his love through spending time with you and doing things he believes will make your life easier. Quality Time and Acts of Service

Blaise enjoys his alone time and will never hang out with someone unless he genuinely wants to.

You realize how much Blaise cares about you because he invites you to do the things he usually does by himself.

Sitting at the black lake to think, walking around Hogsmeade when he thinks too much, lounging in his room, savoring his drink and letting his breath calm with each exhale of his joint.

Blaise wants you there. Even when you're both not talking, he finds comfort in your presence.

He likes to take you to out as well. Blaise might take you out to an arcade, amusement park, or something fun every once in a while, but usually it's the more luxurious stuff. Wine tastings, fancy dinners, well hidden speakeasies. He always knows the best spots and he gets so excited to show them to you.

I feel like Blaise is a bit of a food snob and that would go over into your meals together.

He takes time explaining which wines go with which dish and he knows the backstory of the chef and where they got their training. He'll explain how to eat certain things in order to experience the most flavor. He can go on and on about it and you just let him because Blaise doesn't get excited about much. It's nice to hear him go on a rant every once in a while.

And while at these dinners Blaise is the perfect gentleman.

Pulls out your chair, holds the door for you, pays for everything.

Blaise prefers to be the one who pays, but he'd let you if you asked to. He likes to tease you about it if ever you end up paying. He'll wink at you before saying,

Thank you for dinner, my love. Now let me take care of dessert.

Blaise also likes to take care of you by making sure everything is pristine. I feel like he likes to stay clean and organized, so in turn he'll help you stay clean and organized.

Tidying up your room, organizing your desk, and if you have some items that are in disarray he'll replace them with newer versions.

It can start some small arguments if you're someone who prefers things a little messy.

Blaise, I don't need new shoes.

Yes, you do. Look! Theres a little hole right there.

I like the hole! I like how messy they look!

But WHY??

Then one day you come back to find brand new a box under your shoes. Rolling your eyes you put the fresher pair before heading out for the day.

Blaise sees you and instantly breaks out into a smile.

They're just going to get ruined like the last pair.

Then I'll go out again and buy you some more.

Gift Giving

Blaise likes to match.

I hate matching couple stuff, but it makes sense for him.

He buys you guys matching rings, matching shoes, necklaces.

If he goes out to buy himself a suit then he's getting you a dress that goes with it. Double of every shirt, every jacket, sweater.

He'll buy you a set of lacey blue lingerie and surprise you with a pair of briefs the exact same color. So we can be equally sexy.

Blaise is also a flower guy, but he likes to put together his own bouquets. Not himself, but he hand picks everything. He won't go to a florist and buy the bouquets on display. You're too special for that. He hand picks the best flowers, and takes time thinking about which ones will go best together.

He spends months planning out gifts for birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, etc.

Blaise makes a note of everything you like. I think he actually has a little piece of paper where he writes a whole bunch of potential gift ideas and information about you.

A dress you said you wanted, if you like gold or silver jewelry, favorite foods, flowers, etc. Sometimes when he's stumped he'll reference the list so he's able to put together presents for you.

Blaise also likes to write letters to you. Words of Affirmation.

It's easier for him to put it on a piece of paper rather than say it aloud.

You'll find little notes of encouragement in your bag before a test.

Notes telling you he loves you that he spelled to end up in your pocket.

He also includes letters in the gifts he gives you. Every single one to add his own personal touch to whatever he buys.

"I know I'm not a man of many words. Even though I've grown comfortable in my silence, I've still never found myself unable to articulate my thoughts into words. I've always been the type of person who was quick witted and knew the right things to say. But with you? With you all of my thoughts fade. You've driven me to stupidity. A silent idiot who can think of nothing more than how much I care for you. How much I love you. It may be hard for you to understand why I can't say this aloud very often. I can barely understand it myself. Just know that my love for you is always there. Even when my body falls, my love will live everywhere. The spot where we first kissed, first danced, or had our first date. Each of these places will hold our memories and our love. It'll make us infinite. Then we will live again and again and I get to fall in love with the best part of me over and over for the rest of all of our lives.

Happy anniversary, my love. I look forward to each and every one.

-Blaise"

Blaise Zabini | Committed Lover

Once again, Blaise doesn't fuck. He makes love.

He takes his time. Kissing you slowly, moaning as tongue slips into your mouth and his hands move to your shirt.

One by one he pops each button, taking his time to let his hands wander once your shirt is fully opened.

He doesn't want to rush, especially with you.

Like Mattheo, Blaise just enjoys the act of pleasing you.

He will spend ages tasting you, feeling you, bringing you to immense pleasure every single time.

He needs to make you cum at least 3-4 times before he even considers himself.

And then he'll lay you down gently, looking into your eyes as he gently brushes the hair out of your face. You're perfect.

He reaches down and grabs ahold of his length, moving it through your folds before positioning himself at your entrance. His eyes stay on you, looking for any signs of discomfort. Is this alright? Are you okay?

Blaise's number one priority is to make sure you enjoy sex the entire time.

Blaise is far from vanilla though. In fact?

...Blaise LOVES to be dominated

A SUB!!!!

When he's on top he doesn't talk a lot, even with you. It’s just a lot of moans and sighs. His main focus is on the feeling of it all and making sure you’re okay.

When he's a bottom???

VOCAL!! SO VOCAL!!

How does it feel pretty boy?

Ahhh! AH! I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. Please fuck me! I'll be good! I promise!!

I don't know, Blaise. Only good boys get to fuck me. Do you think you were being a good boy?

Blaise had an attitude with you earlier. He was having a bad day and rolled his eyes at you when you asked him a question. You don't even remember what you asked. You just remember the look on Blaise's face when you raised your eyebrows at him. He knew he shouldn't have done that.

Now he was held down, your tie comfortably around his wrists as his arms were positioned to stay above his head. Your hand was wrapped around his cock, pumping slowly. Too slow.

I'm a good boy! Fuck! I'm your good boy! I'll never do it again! Just plea-Oooooooh fuck.

You had your back turned to him, ass in his face as you pushed yourself down on his long, hard cock. You began to bounce, going to his tip and dropping down, your skin slapping against each other with movement.

Did you forget your manners?

Your head turns slightly to look at him. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, mouth pressed together as he struggled to hold himself together. Not like you were making it any easier.

I-I. Mmmmmm...Ugh! Thank you!

You're welcome, baby.

It’s such a contrast. Seeing the once cool demeanor Blaise demonstrated crumble as he turned into a blabbering and whimpering mess for you. Only for you.

[jacevelaryonswife]

Supermassive Black Hole

A duo project changes some perceptions about your classmate

pairing: Michael Gavey x fem!reader

warnings: smut, period tipical misoginy (2006 guys), loss of virginity, english is not my first language.

word count: 3,297

ewanverse masterlist

When a firm knock came from the door, a name automatically entered your mind.

Gavey.

Michael Gavey.

You imagined that he would come to your meeting eventually, you actually longed to, although you didn't admit it. That idiot deserved to be put in his proper place — which was necessarily below you.

It had all started when a duo project was designated by draw earlier that day, and for both luck and bad luck your partner was the awkward genius, and difficult to deal with Michael Gavey.

There was no shortage of adjectives to be used for the unstable dirty blonde, which was truly fascinating. He intrigued you with his sharp intellect and his eccentric personality to the same extent that he repelled you with his peculiar and almost aggressive way. He was quite a figure, although you didn't allow yourself to think much about it.

It was also not a mystery that he was a true Norman No Mates, which wasn’t difficult to understand since his social skills were disastrous. The memory of him screaming at Oliver Quick in O Week never left your mind, especially the sudden change of attitude when he lowered his head and responded to the sum that Felix's pet (as your friends called him) made. You watched the whole situation closely, with a lot of curiosity, since your tables were close.

After that, whenever he entered an environment, you wondered what he would do next. You never knew what to expect from Gavey.

He started fervent debates during classes, demonstrating unparalleled intelligence and self-confidence, in addition to a slight arrogance that made him look strangely hot. Obviously a dispute of nervous male egos originated from these discussions, which made you watch with veiled fun and irritation while remaining silent. You admired the way his brain worked for math, but you didn't understand how he could be so bad at dealing with other people.

Because of this, you chose to keep a considerable distance from the horizon of events that involved Michael and his complexity, and for a long time this worked perfectly well. Until that damn moment.

Feeling humiliated by the way that insolent worm acted when trying to take responsibility for the whole activity for yourself, as if you were incompetent and incapable, you immediately confronted him about such behavior when he went to your meeting at the end of the class while you collected your material.

"Excuse me?" You asked.

"I'll finish this by Saturday, no need to worry," he repeated condescendingly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do you think I won't participate? Or did you just choose to pretend that I don't exist?" You asked with your eyebrows furrowed, posture becoming more imposing.

He remained silent for a short moment, seeming to analyze the situation (or the best answer to it, you couldn't tell). He wasn't used to being so reluctant to say what he thought, so it was a surprise to see him using time to devise something.

"I don't like working in group, I thought it would be faster if I did everything," he looked down quickly, running away from your gaze.

"I also don't like working with other people and I didn't even think about excluding you," you replied.

“Of course you don't.” There it was. The veiled arrogance that you so hated, present in most of your classmates.

Few were your STEM classmates, since your class was mostly composed of resentful boys who did not know how to deal with a woman without seeing her as a less intelligent object. Luckily not everyone was like that and you managed to put together a really cool group.

When all you did was send a cold and angry look, Michael cleared his throat and tried to speak again, but you cut him off impatiently. "When you're less asshole look for me again, I think you have my Myspace."

Who did that little shit think it was to treat you like that? 'Of course you don't' He was so fucking pretentious! And that's because he almost couldn't keep eye contact for a long time.

Pathetic.

That skinny nerd tormented your thoughts for the rest of the afternoon and served as gossip between your friends. Predictable. The way he acted was not very different from what you imagined about his annoying self-sufficiency. And even so, there he was, stopping in front of your door (more nerdy than ever) with his laptop and notebook in hand, wearing a blue button striped shirt, black belt and cream pants. He had a terrible taste in clothes, although they totally reflected his personality, he was curious.

“I'd like to apologize for my behavior earlier, it wasn't cool,” he started as soon as you leaned carelessly against the door.

Interesting.

You considered it for a moment, looking at him before turning his back and clearing the way for him to enter your space. "It wasn't that hard, was it?" You pulled a chair for him and threw yourself dramatically on the bed before sitting down to face him, already well established and looking closely at your figure. "So... I assume you've already thought about the structure of the project."

Of course he had thought.

He opened the laptop and exposed his idea while showing some calculations in his notebook, and you made an effort to pay attention to what was said and what was sketched. Obviously his idea was good, great actually, incredibly structured and cohesive with what the professor wanted. But you also had some ideas and would like them to be taken into account, telling you what you had planned. Surprisingly, he showed to consider your suggestions, even praising them — you knew they were good, but not that his ego allowed you to visualize this. You suggested a division of parts that would be meticulously checked in a future meeting.

"As you have already started, I thought about staying with the second part, what do you think?" You asked.

"It's okay, I intend to finish tomorrow maybe, I'll forward some references by email to you."

“Sure.” It was all very bureaucratic and direct. You sneaked up to look at his laptop screen before looking at what he was typing. "I have some of these books here, but I'll look for the others."

And without realizing it, you got into a big problem.

The freshness that radiated from him flooded your senses gradually, looking too long at his neck and jaw...

He had such beautiful features and aquiline dirty blonde hair that it looked so soft. And those hands... those long fingers... no, no, no and no. You (your body) couldn't be heating up to Michael Gavey.

But it's been a while since some fun... and you were at a suggestive time of the month. Maybe... just maybe... It wasn't a bad idea. As you returned to sitting on the bed, specifically next to where his chair was, you analyzed him as he typed the references in the email. He was not bad looking, no, quite the opposite in fact.

He was handsome, really handsome. And you wanted him. You wanted Michael Gavey.

You wanted to fuck him.

Fuck that attitude.

But how? How would you approach that nervous nerd?

Your mind struggled to develop an effective approach. You didn't want to waste time, not with the heat that spread high between your legs. You just waited for him to send the damn email and close the laptop. "Do you want anything to drink?"

“I'm good. I think we ended up here, I'll try to finish my part quickly," he looked at the notebook that was on the pillow, which you anticipated to pick up and deliver it, standing up in a false farewell.

"Sure," and as soon as Michael got up with the notebook and laptop, you held his arms, gently removing the objects while placing them on your study table. "But I don't think you should go now," you used without a more seductive tone while holding his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" He asked still, tense, looking directly into your eyes.

“Are you dating someone?” You asked softly, getting closer, leaning your breasts against his chest.

"No, I'm not," he answered the obvious, but you wanted to hear the obvious with all the lyrics.

Stretching a short distance from his lips, you asked: "So can I kiss you?"

That same look seen earlier was present again, as if his mind worked hard to find a solution to the problem presented. His mouth opened minimally when he took a deep breath, this time his gaze fell on your lips. "Why do you want to kiss me?"

"Because I fucking want it."

And then you collided your lips with his in a demanding kiss that took a long time to be reciprocated, but when it was... oh boy. Michael held your waist and tried to keep up with your rhythm. He wasn’t so experienced, but his lips were soft and pleasant against yours, kissing you with so much enthusiasm that it made you dizzy.

It made you both dizzy.

He couldn't believe was happening — and that it was happening to you. You... gorgeous, sexy and intelligent. You with a nice and phenomenal ass, who he believed would never look at him twice. You, who kissed him on the tongue and moved his hands to your chest and ass and smoothed the back of his neck and massaged his shoulder. He'd never been kissed like that before. Had never touched a girl like that.

What the fuck was going on?

With the deepening of the kiss you felt a hardness to press against your belly, inhibiting a conscious smile while Michael struggled between apologizing or pretending that it was not happening. Fortunately, you didn't intend to let that be ignored. Your hand slid from the nape of his neck until it reached the increasing bulge, gently squeezing over his pants, making him moan against your lips. You squeezed again before breaking the kiss.

"I don’t wanna just kiss tonight."

Fuck. He couldn't believe what was going on.

He felt that he would cum right there if your hand kept rubbing his cock.

"Are you sure?" He asked uncertainty, still not convinced that you really wanted him that way. It was so fucking sudden, one minute he was collecting his things to leave and the next he was kissing you.

"All the certainty in the world, and you?" You sang against his lips.

"I-" that would be fucking embarrassing, you would laugh at him, "I want to but- I never-"

Oh. It wasn’t different from what you expected.

"It's okay, seriously, there's no reason to worry about it."

“... are you fucking me or something?” He asked weakly, looking at your beautiful face with lust, seriousness and insecurity. You've never seen him so vulnerable.

"Of course not, I want you Michael, I want that, but if you feel you're not comfortable we don't n-"

"I want that."

“Are you sure?”

“I'm fucking sure.”

He felt a chain of confidence run through his body and leaned over to kiss you. You wasted no time unbuttoning his shirt, groping his newly exposed soft torso. Michael almost sighed when receiving your soft touch, pulling the blouse out of your body and coming across exposed and already hardened breasts.

Fuck.

He almost moaned. They were the first tits he saw in person, it was more than exciting. He held them immediately, massaging, squeezing, experiencing...

"Not like that," you held his hands gently.

"Sorry, I never-"

“It's okay.”

Your hands landed on the belt and unbuttoned it, continuing to unbutton the pants that were urgently removed by him while you discarded your own and hovered only in panties, watching him get rid of the shoes as well. Michael had little time to get used to your half-naked figure, since with a mischievous smile, you slowly lowered your panties and left it accumulated on the floor. He felt his neck and face burn and cock pulse with your vision, contemplating for too long.

You touched him over his black underwear, feeling him hard and big, making him moan.

"I won't last long if you keep fucking touching me like that," he took a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"So why haven't you taken that off yet?" You shook his head, teasing him, watching him almost tear off his underwear and show off his cock in all splendor. He was packing, bigger than you expected, all pink, beautiful and anxious. “You have such a nice body,” you kissed him lazily, anticipation thrumming through you.

Michael felt himself in the clouds with your body pressed to his without any layer of fabric, but a big wave of anxiety hit him when you walked away to get a condom before gently guiding him to bed. “Relax, let me take control,” no foreplay would be necessary when you were already wet enough to receive it. "Take a deep breath and calm down, it's quite intense, try to be distracted by something else," you adjusted the condom to its length and saw it almost shake. That boy wouldn't last a minute.

He followed your instructions and concentrated as much as possible not to cum fast, holding firmly on your hips but nothing prepared him for your wet and hot folds.

Fuck, not even the best handjobs compare to your tight pussy going down on his cock. He moaned loudly when you rested against his groin, staring at where your bodies connected.

You bit your lips and closed your eyes, feeling deliciously full. He was bigger than average and had a delicious thickness that you would love to squeeze on your walls just to see him have a spasm, but I knew it would be too much for the beginning.

"When you want me to move, just say it."

Oh no, no! He was sure he would end up there even if you moved. "Don't move yet," he replied quickly, "Fuck," he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

It was terribly satisfying to see him all vulnerable and red, without the usual arrogance and weirdness, and even better to have him inside you (albeit for a short time presumably). He thought about all the things he heard about sex all his life in those long seconds, filtering out what seemed more credible and useful. Think of something less sexy. It was fucking hard.

“Move.”

“Enjoy baby,” you slid gently up, resting your hands on his chest as you started an experimental and slow rhythm. “Mmm.”

So damn good.

Your juices made the movements easy and smooth, leaving him breathless whenever he was balls deep. The friction generated by the constancy of the movements made you two moan and the tightness on your waist increased. He was a fucking vision with disheveled hair, half-open mouth and crooked glasses, all docile while he was fucked dumb. The feeling of power over such an intelligent man was as exciting as sex, causing a presumptuous smile on your lips when you leaned over to kiss his milky neck, rubbing your body against his.

“Are you enjoying it?” You purred against his skin, kissing him superficially on the lips.

He was in the fucking clouds. And you knew that. Little shit.

He wrapped your body to move his hips against yours. He couldn't hold it anymore, he needed to cum. "I won't last long."

“It's okay, baby.”

Your tits jumped when you started riding it hard at a terrifying pace. He closed his eyes and felt his balls weigh every time you sat on his cock, holding your waist, your tits, your ass, everything you could while you allowed it.

"Fuck- I'm-" he moaned loudly and released his load on the condom, feeling a mind-blowing pleasure that paralyzed his senses and one pulled into a supermassive black hole. A thin layer of sweat covered his body, illuminating the reddish tone that covered it.

So beautiful.

Coming out of the top, you lay comfortably next to him, supporting a part of your peso on his chest while watching him struggling to stabilize his breathing. He still couldn't believe that it had finally happened, and especially with a girl like you.

“Are you here?” You asked after a while with a fun smile, although warm between his legs. He didn't know if he was, but he replied with a panting 'yes'. "Well, because we're not done yet."

What?

“What?” He asked.

“Sex is a two-way street baby, and I haven't come yet,” you purred softly against his ear, biting the lobe.

"I don't know when I'm going to get hard again," he confessed. Well, his brain was working again.

"You don't have these long fingers for nothing, Michael, and if you want it again you'll fuck me with them."

As much as he was affected by a sudden one, his sharp senses were awakened in the implication of a next time. He faithfully believed that hard work would lead him to maximum success in his life, he could not imagine otherwise in this situation. "How should I do that?"

You purred, taking his right hand and guiding it to your wet center. "Always start here if you want to make a girl cum," you circled your bud with his fingers, enjoying the delicious feeling, showing him the place before going down to your entrance. "Start with one finger, then add another."

He followed your instructions firmly, sticking a long finger and pumping slowly. "Not so slow," you bit your lower lip, somewhat impatiently waiting for the development of a slow orgasm. You needed to cum hard. Taking his hand, you held your middle finger and attached it to your index finger. “Faster.”

And although inexperienced and a little strong sometimes, his fingers felt fucking good on your walls, reaching the sweet point that made your feet's fingers curl. “Keep going, mm.”

"Can I kiss you?"

“Yes.”

Michael collided his lips on yours in a kiss full of tongue and teeth, staying on top while he fucked you with his fingers. He was hypnotized by the sounds you were making, by the warmth of your body, by the taste of your mouth...

“I'm close!”

You couldn't believe that that sleeky nerd of all people was giving you such pleasure.

Michael got up abruptly and used the hand that held his weight to circle your clitoris, making your eyes close with the construction of an abrasive orgasm. He pumped faster, watching your body squirm and your back arch.

“Michael- I'm gonna-" your whole body trembled when the coil burst and a hot pleasure flooded your senses, holding the sheets and closing your legs with the strong spasms.

It was the hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life. And he did that. He made you cum. Michael was still very stunned with everything that happened, watching your figure before being pulled to lie next to you. You rested your head on his chest with a satisfied and tired smile, giving light kisses on his skin, relaxed with the post-orgasm fog.

“Did you like it?” You asked to break the ice.

"You've already asked better questions," he joked with a hoarse laugh, "Of course I fucking liked it."

“Mmm, I like to make sure,” you replied, facing his beautiful blue eyes behind the slightly blurred lenses.

Having your body so close (and with everything that happened) Michael felt his cock contract and a new electric current run through his body. "So there's going to be a next time?"

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taglists

general: @succnfuccubus @fan-goddess @kravitzwhore @partypoison00

ewanverse: @aemonds-fire @partypoison00 @schniiipsel @fan-goddess @arcielee

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thank you smm @solisarium for the help with this ❤️

[paperdice]

Hii! I saw you write for saiki k, so i was wondering if i could please request Kusuo x foreign reader hcs? Reader is a transfer student from somewhere outside of Japan (maybe australia because i’m australian, but anywhere is fine if you can’t do that 💕), and she (or they, up to you) ends up in saiki’s friend group and they get feelings for each other. If you end up deciding to do this, tysm!! xx

𝐊𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐱 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬)

"Is it sad that my heart's beating frantically? you give me that look and I'm over the edge."

small note, reader will be Australian for the hcs but it won't be heavily influencing in all the hcs

When you first joined the new school, it was naturally nerve-wracking for you. New country, new culture new everything, it was one scary ride that only made you hope for the best.

Thankfully, you wouldn't be alone much longer, not with the new friends you've made. In fact, one of them had been tugging at your heartstrings for awhile now, and the melody felt right for both of you.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Kusuo knew your intentions and how you were rightfully afraid during your first day. He knew how you truly feel, just as he does for everyone else in his life. Your thoughts and feelings were another book for him to read clearly, so why was it he was slowly growing an interest in you?

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He's got a sharp mind, he knows himself better than anyone else, or so he thought. He always knew that he wasn't interested in romance and thought he would never feel it due to his psychic abilities. His romance radar seemed to be a little 'nonfunctional' but he didn't care.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ After awhile of getting to know you, he realized he was feeling off when around you. A feeling he didn't recognize was growing within him, and he quickly realized it. In the deepest farthest back of his mind, Saiki understood it had to be a romantic feeling.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He was stung by the idea, though the more time flew the more he was okay with it being towards you. The hidden love you had for him was no secret that you could possibly hide from Kusuo, he observed the gradual blossoming of your feelings for him firsthand.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ When you first arrived, people were curious about your life in Australia and shared their thoughts and comments during your conversations. Although Saiki didn't say anything to you, internally, he was interested in the life you lived before moving.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He knew you snuck in a lie or two about encountering a snake that tried to eat you, or how you threw in scares with exaggerations about the snakes and spiders. Or how overly dramatic you made yourself when addressing the pure hatred felt towards the city of Melbourne, Saiki never knew there was a city in Australia that was heavily frowned upon. And from what he heard in your thoughts, you didn't know why either, not from personal experience that is.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Trying to evoke reactions without ill intent, you seemed friendly. Over time, quirks like these grew endearing to Kusuo. He saw right through your choices more and more, only to find more things about you he liked. So, how is he now that he knows he likes you and you like him?

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He definitely looks out for you. Naturally, he knows better than to be a stalker constantly following you around. His abilities underline that idea as useless; though it's not like he'd ever do it. That's why he checks up on what nuisance is bothering you or what future nuisance will be. People do have a habit of barging in on you. You'll never say how tiring it is, so Kusuo does you favors.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He enjoys your new-found company in the friend group, whenever you come around he subconsciously moves more in your direction. You don't like bothering him too much so he doesn't have to worry about you being a problem, he knows you don't wanna make some foolish mistake in front of your crush. Though you don't have to worry, your flaws to him are meaningless.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Sadly Kusuo doesn't get butterflies around you, but being near you disrupts his control over his powers and makes it hard for him to maintain while solving unthinkable problems. This can be frustrating, but he's never been mad at you about it, he can't control his heart after all.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Ever since he developed a crush on you, he has been smiling without even realizing it. It's just a small, soft smile that creeps onto his face when he sees you enjoying yourself with others. Luckily, he manages to catch himself before anyone else notices.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Saiki can't help but be a little jealous if guys are flirting too much with you, he knows you won't accept them however for some reason his mind can't help but feel envy.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He finds your opinions and morals interesting, internally giving dialogue on breaking down your thoughts and why you might think that way. An unspoken way of his is that he shows he cares about how you think by breaking it down like some analysis.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ If you have any hobbies or interests, he'll take some time out of the weekend to take a look at what's got you all hooked. Music tastes, collections, shows, podcasts literally anything you're into he'll give it a try. The appeal might rub off him, you do have good taste in things, to Saiki that is.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ His crush on you was a secret for a long time, and was almost accidentally figured out by Nendo. That mindless Nendo somehow connected the dots out of nowhere, maybe he saw how Kusuo looked at you, or maybe how close he gets naturally. Whatever the case, Kusuo freaked as Nendo was calling your name. But when you turned, it was just Saiki standing there, you felt crazy..

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Kusuo has only ever thought of you two being in a relationship as a maybe thought, which says a lot. But he decided that if he truly does want more in the future, he will make a move, a slight one at least. Just for you.

Saiki is such a cutie pie, maybe ill write dating hcs at a later date. Thanks for the request, feel free to return to ask another!

[bluev0id]

~ What's coming your way? ~

I'm bored at my friend's graduation ceremony, so here's a little reading! Pick one of the four combinations of stones ♡

🌸 Check out my ETSY(link) where I sell jewelry made with these pendants 🌸

1. Green agate + iridescent seashells

If you've been feeling not like yourself or missing something in your life, you will experience a return of what was lost. Expect a wholesome time in nature or engaging in your cultural or family traditions. If you haven't had time for hobbies or enjoying time by yourself, it will be a wonderful period where you'll be able to create, daydream and have some relaxing self care time. Someone from the past might return and you'll be able to fix the broken. On the other side, if you've been experiencing injustice or a lack of order, this will be sorted out.

Keywords : bringing it back, the way it should be, sunshine, traditions, to belong

2. White seashell and opals

There's high expectations on you either from others or yourself. You will want to be on your grind, trying to have a breakthrough. I do sense that there will be a feeling of lack that will guide you through this experience, so make sure to exercise and let go that nagging feeling inside of you that's saying that you're not doing enough. Don't push yourself over the limit. You will be taking life seriously and desiring all the nice things. There might be a woman in your life who will play a major role during this time. Reflect on where your desires come from and what are the things in life that last and matter the most, because through that you’ll be able to reach the paradise you're seeking.

Keywords: lazy, not enough, money, status, a woman

3. Pearls

A period of melancholy is coming your way. You might find yourself crying over memories or enjoying late night walks, staring at the moon through the window before bed. But it's not sadness you'll feel. It's the knowing that life passes and you have to move on and that being alive, despite all the hardship, is beautiful. You will long for someone to be there for you is it a friend or a past/long distance lover, and I see them trying to support you as much as they can. You'll receive sudden kindness from strangers or close ones during this period of your life.

Keywords: love, goodbye, warmth, memories, church, mistakes

4. Red and white agate stones

Honestly, you are that bitch. And your friends love you. I see a period of confidence, support and power coming your way. Your friends or people around you will have your back if you're ready to stand up for them as well. You'll feel empowerment by realising your influence and won't be afraid to speak your mind. When you reply late, you'll have people wondering where you are and if everything is alright. Community and good communication. If you're currently lacking close relationships, then I sense a group of individuals entering your life and being on the same wave as you.

Keywords: shepherd, fuck the rest, parties, friends, pick me up when I'm down

🌸 MY ETSY 🌸