#it makes me dread when he comes back… LET ME ROT IN PEACE….

[pandora-writes-one-piece]

The Meet-Cute, Chapter 3 - Zoro

Source for pic

Word Count: 3420

Warnings: Fem!Reader, This is going to be a series featuring Ace, Sanji, Law, Zoro and Kid.

Special Warning: English is not my first language!

Summary: You had your life in Grand Line City all figured out. A wonderful job, a fiancé and a shared apartment. Until you found out he was cheating. Your father, Shanks, had a horse riding accident and you decided that this was just the right time to return home. You were expecting a peaceful, uneventful life back in the Calm Belt, but, fate had other plans.

|Chapter 2 - Kid| / | Chapter 4 - Law |

Zoro:

You hear Kid’s truck leave in the middle of the morning, meaning he must've finished fixing the tractor and Shanks doesn't need him anymore. You text Nami and Robin in your girls’s group but both of them are busy today and you plan on meeting tomorrow at a new café they swear has the most amazing food ever and, somehow, they are dying for you to meet the owner. 

You still need to find a job, even if it's just a part-time job, since you plan on helping your father with the chores around the property, but it would be nice to start thinking about a semblance of a future. To be truthful, you don't really know how long you plan on staying in the Calm Belt, but at least for some months. It's not like you have that much going on in the city anymore. 

Anyway, you still have today's lunch to worry about, so you make some pasta with tomato sauce, some salad and take out a frozen garlic bread from the freezer to go with it. You're sure your dad is going to complain about the lack of meat on the plate, but if he's going to live with you, he better get used to eating less meat.

When all is ready, you go outside and ring the bell, like your mother used to do to you when you were a child and lost track of time while playing outside. Giggling, you let yourself get lost in the memories before your dad comes back. 

Except ten minutes pass and still no dad. “What the hell…?”

Making sure the stove is off and the pots have lids - these flying bugs and pests can be annoying - you step outside and look around the property. Where did he say he was? He mentioned he still needed to properly fix a large part of the fence since the wood was rotting. 

A weird coldness is settling about in your stomach as you take a deep breath and cup your hand over your eyes to shield them from the bright sun. “Where was the fence broken?” Your eyes follow the whole length of the fence, squinting and tearing up because of the brightness but, after a bit, you manage to locate your father's pickup truck. It's not that far. But there's no red-head in sight. 

You swallow down a lump in your throat along the feeling of dread that's starting to take residence in your chest and do a little sprint to where the truck is parked. “Dad?” You can't see him anywhere and, at this point, you're not sure if the acceleration in your breath is due to your little run or to the fact that you're starting to panic. “Dad!” You scream, your voice louder, squeakier and shakier. 

A muffled grunt grabs your attention and you look everywhere, trying to locate it. “Down here, bug.” Shanks’s voice is strained and tired and the dread in your chest keeps building up. 

“Daddy!” You whine as you turn around the truck and find him lying on the floor with the driver's door open. “What happened?” You kneel beside him but don't touch him, afraid to make things worse. 

“Ah, you see, bug,” he chuckles and groans at the same time, “it's just my back. Sometimes it gives out like this. But I'm fine!” The nonchalant tone of his voice has you fuming at the ears. 

“What do you mean?” You growl between your teeth. 

“It's just a jolt of sharp pain in my back. When it's this serious, I usually hop on to the clinic and the doc gives me a shot and all’s well that ends well.” He grins but your frown is undeterred. “I see you are not amused.”

“I'm calling an ambulance.”

“There's no need! Just drive me to the clinic. Help me up.”

“No! It might make it worse! Did you fall?” You take your phone out of your shorts’ back pocket and search for the number to the fire station because you know it's the fastest way to get an ambulance in this small town. 

“I didn't fall. My back gave out as I was climbing the truck and I lied down because it helps with the pain. Don't call an ambulance, just help me up.” He says your name sternly but you still don't budge, your finger hovering the green call button while your brows scrunch together in deep thought. 

“Bug, I'm fine, really. Let's not hog an ambulance. The town only got one and it might be needed.”

“Alright.” You put your phone back in your pocket. “I'm going to try and lift you up but if I can't, then I'll call for the ambulance and you can't whine like a baby!” Your finger is waving in the air and Shanks stifles a chuckle with another groan because, apparently, any movement hurts. 

You force a verbal agreement out of him before you position his arm over your shoulder and use all your strength to lift him up. Somehow he finds some semblance of strength in his legs and hoists himself into the back seat of the truck, lying down in a position that doesn't strain his back. 

“Okay, okay, you're fine. I'm fine. We're all fine.” You take deep breaths as you clean the dirt from your hands against your shorts. “I'm going to drive this baby up to the house to get our identification and my purse. Okay, dad?”

Shanks mumbles something against the seat since the best position for his back seems to be to lay on his stomach, and you sit in the driver's seat, having to adjust all the settings and the mirrors to suit your small height. 

“Oh, perfect.” You chuckle nervously. “It’s a shift stick. I have to drive with a stick.” You take three deep breaths as your father moans in the backseat.

“Bug, I taught you how to drive a stick! It's not that hard. You just-...”

Your body whips immediately to your father's slumped form and you manage to mutter between clenched teeth. “Dad, if you so much as mention a word about the way I'm driving from here to the clinic, I will either call an ambulance or drop you on the side of the road!”

Shanks chooses wisely and remains silent as you manage to, somehow, turn the pickup around to go back to the house for your stuff, screeching, halting and jerking all along the way, turning your father's moans into grunts of despair. 

“I can still call the ambulance!” You admonish him when you return from inside the house. 

“Let's just go, bug. Daddy needs some drugs for the pain.”

This time, you manage to get out of your driveway without much jerking and things seem to be going well as the road is clear of both obstacles and cars and the only thing weighing on your mind is how the hell you’re going to park the truck once you get into the clinic. 

Until you hit a giant pothole that came out of nowhere and blow a tire. 

“Aw, crap!” You curse as you stop the truck and pull over to the side. “Dad, are you hurt?”

“No more than before.” Comes his muffled reply though it does seem more strained. 

“Just stay there, I'll take care of this.” You assure him as you climb out of the car and ignore whatever he mumbles between his teeth. 

You know how to change tires. It was another thing your father taught you when you were a teenager but, like many things from your teenage years, it was something that was quickly stored away and disappeared alongside all the useless memories of your earlier years. 

So now you're screwed. 

You decide to start with small steps as you remove the spare tire from beneath the bed at the rear - just getting the thing out has you sweating bullets, but that's one part covered. You grab the jack from the back as well, and spend the better part of the next ten minutes finding the right place to slot the thing. 

“Dad, are you alright? I can still call the ambulance? Or do you want to call Ace or- …?” As you peek inside you discover Shanks is sound asleep in the backseat and you relax a bit. At least he's not in pain now so you can take your time. 

You rummage through the tools your dad has on the back of the truck at the same time as you find a tutorial online to help you through the process. You make quick work of taking the hubcap off and then the lug nuts, placing them on the driver's seat for safety. 

“Okay, okay, I got this!” You give yourself a pep talk but you should know that once you start to think you have everything under control, the universe throws you for a loop. So, as soon as you use the jack to lift the car up - with extreme difficulty, and, at this moment you have dirt, sweat and tears all over you - the tire escapes from under the truck because - you realise, much too late - you weren't supposed to remove the lugnuts before lifting the car. 

“No, no, no, no, no!” You scream as you start running after the tire. The thing just picks up speed and you are already panicking because you've seen one too many videos of rogue tires and the destruction and mayhem they can cause and you do not have the money to pay for a veranda window, right now. 

Luckily, and you really don't know how, the tire hits an elevation and slows down to a full stop by the other side of the road. Lungs aching, head throbbing and chest heaving, you lunge forward and grasp your knees with both hands, trying to force some air back into your chest. But you don't even realise you're in the middle of the road until you hear tires screeching and a police car abruptly stopping in front of you. 

A squeal is all that escapes your lips as you fall to your knees and cover your head with your hands, face contorted into a pained grimace as realisation hits: you were almost run over by a police car. 

“Lady, what in the world are you doing in the middle of the road?”

The policeman gets out of the car and he is intimidating. Muscles all over, tall and an eye missing. You'd think you were in trouble if that mane of green-hair wasn't so familiar. 

“Zo-zo…” You take a deep breath to calm your nerves, your hands grasping at the dirt below you for some grounding. “Zoro! It's me.” You tell him your name between shaky breaths and notice how his frown is quickly replaced with a shocked expression. 

“No way!” He exhales your name with a light chuckle as you smile back at him and get up on shaky legs. “You're really back? Nami said you were returning but I didn't believe her. You haven't even come to visit once since you left so I really doubted you'd come back.”

A tiny blush spreads to your cheeks. He's right. You didn't even come visit your father nor your friends once. Shanks was always the one who went to Grand Line City. That's how fed up with country life you were. Once the nostalgia kicked in, however, you were far into your studies, and then into your career, and then into the asshole and the timing was never right. 

“Yup, I'm back.” You get up on shaky legs and brush the dust off of your shorts before flashing him a grin. “The uniform suits you!” Damn right it does. It fits in all the right places. He wasn't so fine when you went to school together and all he wanted to do was start a Kendo club at school. 

“Why are you in the middle of the road? I could've hit you with my car, woman.” He frowns. 

“My dad's car. We had a flat and I decided that I was smart and independent enough to change it on my own. I did things in the wrong order and the tire ran away from me.” You chuckle nervously as you point at the tire on the side of the road. 

“You must be joking.”

“I wish I was.” You reply deadpan. But this story is too wild to be an invention. 

“I'll help you with the tire before you start any more trouble.” A dry chuckle emerges from his lips. “Incredible how some things never change..”

He’s right. You’re the biggest klutz to exist and you seem to attract trouble no matter where you go. So you just laugh along with him.

As soon as he parks his car and retrieves the tire from the other side of the road, you both get to work, Zoro effortlessly taking charge of the situation with you awkwardly passing him some tools and him pretending you’re actually helping. 

“So, Troublemaker, what brings you back to town?” He asks casually as he tightens the last lug nut.

You shrug and sigh. “I-... well… life brought me back.”

He sets down the tool, wipes his hands on a rag and stares at you, deadpan. “Life brought you back? What’s that even supposed to mean?”

“Stuff happened, alright?”

“Stuff?”

Exhaling deeply you just decide to rip off the bandaid. “My fiancé cheated on me and I needed a change of pace!”

“I’m sorry about that.” He says as he sets the truck back down and stores the tools in the toolbox again. 

“It’s okay. I’m over it.” Liar. “Thanks for the help.” You gesture towards the truck and shake your head. “I can’t believe dad is still asleep.”

Zoro laughs as he helps you put away the flat tire and all the tools.

“So you plan on staying long?” He’s wiping the rest of the grime from his hands and watching you as you sigh and give him a lopsided grin. 

“For a while, yes. We'll see how long!”

Shrugging, you close the rear door and flash him another grin, ready to thank him again, but, somehow, you trip on your feet and stumble forward.

Zoro quickly steps up and catches you by the shoulders to steady you. “Easy there, Troublemaker. How uncoordinated are you?”

You can’t help but notice how warm and big his hands are as he steadies you. Letting out a nervous chuckle, you realise you are blushing. “Ah, well, you know me! I did not get better with the years.”

The way his eyes wander over you makes you feel hot and self-conscious at the same time. Zoro removes his hands from your shoulders as his smile widens into a grin. “I wouldn’t exactly say that.”

Is he flirting? You’re about to reply but as you try to walk, you trip again! Except this time you realise it’s because of the untied shoelace of your sneakers. Alas, the realisation doesn’t stop your tumble and it’s great that you’re still so close to Zoro because he catches you again, this time with his hands on your waist as you reach forward and claw at his chest.

At his muscular chest. 

“My God, again!? I swear I’m not usually this clumsy!” Your cheeks feel like they’re on fire. What is it with this man that makes you trip all over the place?

You try to steady yourself but you’re still a bit wobbly on your feet because you might have sprained your ankle - though you’re not about to admit that - and his hands grip you tighter to steady you better.

“Careful there. Wouldn’t want you falling for me.”

Your breath catches in your throat as your heart somersaults in your chest. Yeah, he’s definitely flirting. Your face whips up as your nails grip the fabric of his uniform, eyes locking onto his and a playful smile on your lips. 

“Would that be so terrible?”

His thumb moves slowly against the bone of your hip and the air is suddenly charged with tension. 

“On the contrary…” You can't help but notice the way his voice deepens. 

“Bug?” Your dad moans, breaking the spell and forcing you two apart. Clearing your throat you bend down to tie your shoelace. 

“Coming, dad!”

“Hey, Mr. S!” Zoro approaches the window of the truck and greets him. “I see you’re about to hop onto the clinic again! It’s the second time this week already, right?”

Shanks started to tut, tut, tut, Zoro as soon as he started to speak but it was too late. You raise your head and open the truck door suddenly, almost hitting Zoro’s nose in the process.

“Again? Second time?” You squeal, burning holes into your father. “Explain, Shanks!” You know your father understands that you’re mad at him once you call him by his name. 

“I, uh, well, it’s, uh… hmm…” 

You raise your hand to stop his blabbering, noticing him flinch and sweat, meaning he’s in real pain and you should just get him to the clinic ASAP. “We’ll discuss this later. Lie back down!”

“Yes, ma’am.” He whimpers and does as you told him. Slamming the door you try to turn to say goodbye to Zoro but notice your top got stuck in the door and you can’t move an inch. 

“Oh, my God!” You whine burying your face in your hands as you hear Zoro’s guffaws in the background.

You don’t move for a second, trying to gather your breath and shake away the shame, so Zoro steps up and opens the door, freeing you in the process, wearing an unbearable smirk.

His arm brushes against your side as he unlocks the door and you can feel his breath against your ear, making you shiver but, either he didn't notice the close proximity, or, at least, he does nothing to acknowledge it and the moment passes. 

“What will happen to you when I’m not here to rescue you at every step of the way?” He crosses his arms and cocks his head to the side. “I’m genuinely surprised you managed to stay alive to see the age of 25. Statistically, and from what I’ve seen, you should be dead. Or terribly impaired.”

You snort before you realise that wasn’t sexy at all but you decide to just go with it as you close the door again. 

“I have no idea. Maybe you should just stick around me, in case I get into more trouble.”

“I might just do that.” He finishes with a shit-eating grin.

“Bye, Zoro, thank you for everything.” You wave and open the driver’s door to get to your seat. 

“Oh, wait.” He exclaims as you turn around to meet his gaze. He takes a step closer and, before you can react, he reaches out and brushes a lock of hair away from your face. His feather-light touch sends a jolt of warmth through you, settling in your chest.

“You had something…” He murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper as you look into the corner of your eyes to see a dried leaf on his fingers. 

The fingers that linger on your cheek for a moment while you’re both lost in each other’s gaze, but before you can say anything, a crackling sound emerges from Zoro’s police radio.

“Zoro, come in. We have a situation at the park. Need you to respond immediately.”

It’s amazing how Zoro’s soft expression suddenly turns hard and serious as he reaches for his walkie-talkie. “Copy that. I’ll be there ASAP.”

You take a deep breath and give him a smile. “Duty calls?”

“Yeah.” He grunts, his voice laced with regret. “Sorry. You’ll be okay for now?”

Chuckling and tucking the lock of stray hair behind your ear, you nod. “Just go and save the day, Officer Zoro.”

He laughs back at you and turns to return to his car. “Catch up later?”

“Definitely.” You answer him back as you climb into the driver’s seat. As his car whizzes past you you can’t help but smile again. Zoro changed. But then again, so have you. 

Maybe coming back home means more than healing wounds: yours and your father’s. Maybe it's about rediscovering lost connections. 

You shake your head and turn the engine on. 

You had absolutely zero intentions of getting mixed-up with another man, but it’s kind of hard to do that when one just caught you. Literally and figuratively.

[lovebunnie]

“so are we just not gonna talk about it?”

spy looks over the edge of his cigarette to the scout, leaning against a wall in feigned nonchalance. he looks agitated with fingers curled into white knuckled fists. he looks ready to hit someone, spy thinks. ever the violent little thing.

“you will have to be more specific.”

scout scoffs. “thats’a no then.”

“say what you want, boy.” the spy exhales his smoke out of the corner of his mouth.

scout's nose crinkles as he steels himself as though preparing to weather a storm. the tension between them feels thick as the spy's already charred lungs feel even more strained. faint redness tinges the boy's cheeks and the spy knows that scout is trying not to cry.

"what good is it if you wont freakin' listen? whats the point in trying to say anything when every one of ya jerks look at me like im not in on it, like im the last to know. i have eyes." scout's frame shakes, turning to face the spy. "im not that stupid, i can connect the dots.”

“you are talking in circles. this game you are playing had no place among coworkers-“

“youre my father, you asshole.”

spy slowly takes his cigarette from his mouth. he lets the silence take hold of the room to mask the feeling of cold dread washing over him. it was never supposed to be this way. “ah, i see,” he mutters.

“yea,” scout spits, “been searching for the bastard my whole life and it freakin’ figures id meet him here, at the end of the world.”

“life is surely funny that way.”

“doesnt feel very funny.”

the spy watches scout shuffle his feet. “you were never supposed to find out like this.”

“dont give me that.” the scout hisses the words and the red raising in his cheeks disguises his smattering of freckles. the spy thinks he looks older like this, settled into his rage. “i wasnt never supposed to know, was i?”

he could lie. he has been lying his whole life and it came to him far easier. there was already a story at the tip of his tongue about waiting for the right time and place, about waiting for when all the bloodshed was over to finally embrace his role as a father. really, he should lie to save his own sanity and peace of mind in the workplace if nothing else.

“no, you were not.” however, the truth sneaks out of spy like an exhale.

the scout jerks a nod and looks away. his throat clicks with the swallowing of tears and the little boy from another lifetime ago is standing right in front of spy all of a sudden. the small hands that grabbed his fingers when he was a newborn now clench onto nothing. wide eyes once full of wonder were now unable to meet his own.

“you were just gonna, what, keep going here until one of us died? everyone was just going to keep this to themselves and let me rot with it?” the scout takes a deep breath. “my ma knows too, doesnt she? has known about it the whole freakin’ time i bet.” he deflates a bit at the mention of his mother.

“she wanted me to keep an eye on you,” the spy says.

at once, something gripes scout and suddenly the rage is back, sparking and sputtering with righteous fury. “jesus christ, again with the lies? you were gonna keep an eye on me, oh, like back when i was a kid and getting my lunch money taken? back when i had to earn my place in the neighborhood just to keep from getting pummeled?” he points a finger. “you never did anything even close to protect me. when ma couldnt pick me up from practice because she was home with the flu, it was benny who came to get me, not you. when i needed field trip permission slips signed, matty taught me how to forge a signature.” one finger becomes two and counts up in time with his words. “randy taught me how to tie my shoes. eddie knew where id always forget my backpack. sammy let me pick any candy i wanted when we went to the grocery store.”

the spy stays silent. no words come to him.

“and when i got here, who showed me where to put my things? it wasnt you spy, it was demo. when i had to ask about my shots getting delivered here, did you go out of your way to make it happen? no, medic did that too. did you ask me what i wanted for breakfast or was that heavy? did my father ever offer to upgrade my weapons or did engie do that?”

the scout, during his scolding, had involuntarily stepped closer and closer to the spy until they were in each other’s faces. the air felt thick, and spy wanted to cloak right now more than anything on earth.

scout steps back. “i didnt need a father then and i sure as hell dont need one now,” he says.

if the world was right and just, spy would apologize right now and say he regretted leaving his son as he did all those years ago. he would promise that the lies ended here. he would promise to start being the father scout deserved, better late then never.

but unfortunately, the world was how it was. “are you quite done?”

scout stares at him for a moment with his jaw somewhat dropped, and the spy feels his heart break at the realization that the scout had had hope in a different outcome.

“youre a real piece of work,” scout grumbles. “lets both forget this happened, okay? dont even bother trying to pretend to care, either. we should both just forget about each other like this, im too tired to deal with any more.” the scout takes a step back before a smirk tugs at his lips and he gives a watery snort. “ya know, life is funny that way. this time, i get to be the one to walk away.”

before spy can try to respond, the scout turns on his heel and walks away, as was his birth right, as was his nature.

like father, like son.

[hearts4golbach]

Built to Fall.

view request here.

pairing:

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Reader.

a/n:

This story is an extremely sensitive topic. coming from someone who is recovering from self harm and has attempted suicide, living is worth it. i'm here for all of you, and my dms are ALWAYS. open. you are loved, you are wanted. if nobody in the world loves you, i'm dead. recovery is possible, and it does get better. to those of you who suffer in silence, cleaned yourself up, picked yourself up time and time again, i see you. i will be deleting any hate comments or comments making fun of this topic or anything in this one shot.

warning:

suicide attempt/thoughts (you're not alone. my dms are always open), self harm mention, overdosing, depression and anxiety, bed rotting.

word count:

1.1k

recently, your bed had become a sanctuary. dirty dishes and takeout had begun to pile up on either side of your bed, and you hadn't changed your clothes in at least a week. you were falling apart, and Johnnie noticed immediately. he came over after he was finished with youtube shit every night and stayed. he laid in bed with you and tried to get you to talk about how you were feeling, but you wouldn't budge.

you felt nothing. you had no apparent reason to be sad, but you were. Johnnie was the only light in your life, and you felt like you were a burden to him. you just wanted to disappear, but Johnnie didn't make it easy. you didn't want to leave him, but you were exhausted. 

you stared at the scars on your arm and leg. they disgusted you. you stared at the failed attempts that were displayed on your wrists. you stared at the ceiling, searching for some other way to feel better. you stared at the phone, waiting for Johnnie to call and tell you he's done recording and on his way. you stared at the door, wondering what would happen if you went to scrounge through the medicine cabinet. you stared at the pile of laundry, wondering what would happen if you forced yourself to get up and put it away. you stared at the clock, which had just hit 10:03 pm. you stared at your blanket, mentally telling yourself to get it over with.

so that's what you went to do. your legs felt like rubber bands as one tear fell down your face. you didn't want to sit and mourn yourself when you weren't dead. yet. you took a few different bottle from the cabinet, some expired prescriptions and pain medication. you didn't think, you just took as much as you could swallow at a time.

you looked at yourself in the mirror. you weren't really sure it was yourself, you felt unrecognizable. your eyes felt heavy. you slid down the door and laid on the floor, letting all of the pills take over your body. you felt a strange wave of peace wash over you as you began to nod off.

meanwhile, Johnnie had just arrived at your apartment. he took the spare key and opened the door. he had called you, but you didn't answer. he rushed into your room to find you, but you weren't in there. Johnnie knew something bad had happened. he rushed to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "y/n?" no response. he knocked again. "i'm coming in."

he was met with a sight he had been dreading to see the past few weeks. you were curled up on the floor in his hoodie. you were so out of it, you hadn't even noticed he was there. at the sight of the empty pill bottles in the sink, he began to panic. he rushed to get you, picking you up so you were sitting up. your vision was blurry, but you knew it was Johnnie. "baby, can you hear me?"

your mind was mush. you couldn't form a response. tears finally streamed down your face as you nodded slowly.

he let out a sigh, "good. good." he whispered, helping you over to the toilet. "i'm so sorry. i can't lose you. i'm sorry." his voice was shaky as two fingers slipped past your lips. you gagged, but didn't throw up. you began to feel nauseous. "i'm so sorry." he said again, hitting the back of your throat one more time.

he held your weak body up and moved your hair from your face as you threw up. your tears never stopped as you did.

"please stay with me, my love. i don't know what i'd do without you. fuck, please. get it out of your system and im taking you to the hospital. come on, baby, you can do it. hold on a little longer. i love you so much, i'm sorry i wasn't here." he fought back tears. he knew you'd want him to stay strong.

you heaved as you finished. you leaned back into Johnnie. he wiped your mouth and your tears. "everything will be okay, gorgeous." he picked you up, holding onto you as you took small steps towards the front door. he helped pull you along and into the car. "stay awake, baby." he said softly. his hand intertwined with your limp hand as he drove as fast as he could (legally.)

you spent two days in the hospital. Johnnie rarely left your side, unless it was to get the two of you food or go to the bathroom. Jake, Tara, and Carrington had came to visit you, too. Johnnie nearly cried from happiness as the color began to return to your face. he'd never forget the first time your hand squeezed his back after the incident.

by the end of the second day, you walked out of the hospital on your own two feet. of course, Johnnie helped you a little bit. you silently dreaded going back home to your filthy room. but, whenever you had arrived home and walked into your room, you realized it had been clean. your dishes had been washed, trash thrown away, bed made, and your clean clothes were put up.

a small smile grew on your face. Johnnie couldn't help but smile himself. that had been the first time he had seen you smile in a couple days. you didn't know who had done it, but Johnnie told you Tara wanted to help in any way she could, and cleaning your room was her idea. you made it a goal to call her in the morning.

Johnnie held you tight as you two laid in your bed together. "i'm sorry."

"don't be sorry. i know, y/n. i know how it feels. i'm not mad at you, sweetheart, i never was."

[pimosworld]

Pairing-Frankie Morales x f!reader

Summary-Frankie comforts you during that time of the month.

CW-Tooth rotting fluff,mentions of sex but no smut, Frankie being the best partner anyone could ask for. Reader is not described but has a period every month, pet names, mentions of blood (of course).

WK-898

A/N- inspired by @beefrobeefcal he’s not quite chubby but he’s Frankie nonetheless. It’s so hard for me to write while I’m on my period because the cramps make me lose focus but this definitely helped in some placebo effect way. @triplefrontier-anniversary

Not beta read

At your service

Frankie rolls over to find your side of the bed uncharacteristically cool for a Saturday morning. Sleeping in and cuddling until you had to pry yourselves out of bed was one of your favorite rituals on the weekend. It’s too early and the only light illuminating the room is leaking out from the bottom of the bathroom door. 

  He can hear some sniffles and a groan and he’s throwing back the covers in a panic as he leaps out of bed. He tries the door and it’s locked causing him to panic even further. 

  “Hermosa, you okay in there?” His voice laced with concern echoing through the wall. 

  “Don’t come in Frankie…it’s a murder scene in here.” You groan to yourself again as you hear him try the door handle again. 

  He quickly realizes what predicament you’re in. He should’ve known your period was coming. You’re like clockwork each month, and instead of subjecting him to your dreaded pms you tend to shut yourself off the days leading up to it. Trying to stay busy at work or telling him to hang out with the guys so you can rage in peace. It’s still something you’re working on after all these years with him. Not understanding that he’s going to take the good with the bad and not be like your shitty ex who would make snide comments about your time of the month. 

  “Honey, I’ve seen much more blood than whatever you’ve got going on right now.”

  “I beg to differ.” You whine and he tries not to laugh, that would most certainly not make the situation any better. 

  You finally open the door and he’s met with the most pathetic site as you stand there with fresh tears in your eyes and one of his large tee shirts draped over your body. He’s only seen deeper frown lines on Santiago. 

  He pulls you into his chest as you try to wrap your arms around his larger frame, your body goes willingly limp as he rubs your head and rocks you back and forth. He’s so warm and smells like fresh laundry and you swear your hormones play evil tricks on you each month because you’ve never wanted him more than when you’re on your period. Despite his endless hours of showing you how much he appreciated your body and your mind and whatever else came with your emotions, you still weren’t comfortable having sex during these few days. 

  You had once or twice before with Frankie but he never pushed you if you weren’t feeling up to it. 

  “Vamos hermosa, let’s get you back to bed.” He kisses your forehead and waddles you to the bed, tucking you safely under the covers. “I’ll grab your heating pad and some water.” He kisses you again and you go tight lipped trying not to cry. 

  “I’m sorry.” Your voice cracks as more tears spill and he pulls back from you visibly confused at your reaction. “We were supposed to go to the beach for Benny’s birthday.” 

  He tuts and pulls you back into him mumbling into your neck. “I don’t want to go to the stupid beach and get sand in my ass anyway.” Your wet laugh rumbles against him and he can breathe a small sigh of relief. 

  ****

  You can hear him in the hallway on the phone as he returns from downstairs. 

  “You owe me anyways pendejo, I covered for you last week, remember?” 

  You can hear him rest his head on the bedroom door as he huffs out. 

  “Ben, it's been way too long, you need to learn some Spanish…I gotta go, promise I’ll make it up to you soon.” 

  He opens the door with an arm full of way more than two items. He sets down the water bottle with fresh ice and dumps the rest of the contents on the bed. You giggle at the sheer amount of items but cover your mouth when he sends you a warning look. 

  He sets up your heating pad and explains everything down to a tee just like the military man that he is. It didn’t take long for you to realize how much he enjoyed taking care of you so those arguments stopped early on. 

  “I’ve got your sleep mask you left on the couch, you should get some more rest.” He hands you some pain medication and your water and you take it obediently. “I’ve also got a snack for when you wake up.” He sets the granola bar on the side table along with your phone charger, before turning off the bathroom light and rejoining you in the bed. 

  You can hear him warming up his calloused hands as he rubs them together under the covers before draping them across your belly. The only time of the month you’d allow him to rub your belly. Something he’d allow you to do to him everyday. 

  You’re perfectly content again as you resume your Saturday morning cuddles with the love of your life. 

  “Frankie?” You ask sleepily as he hums behind you. “What did you cover up for Benny last week?” 

  “Go to sleep hermosa, sweet dreams.” He kisses your neck as he pretends to start snoring and you can’t help the laugh that bubbles up inside you. 

  “Fine, you keep your secrets. You’re lucky I love you.” 

 “Te amo tambíen.” 

[shittybundaskenyer]

✹ ▬   𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐍, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

rating: Explicit

pairing: Arthur Morgan x F!Reader

summary: You want some love and Arthur gives it to you selflessly.

warnings: high honor Arthur, reader thinks she doesn’t deserve love, touch-starved, smut, porn with feelings, fingering, gentle sex, love confessions, angst and hurt/comfort, daily overdose of metaphors, can Arthur please hug me?? I really need it

word count: 2355  

a/n: i wrote this in a few hours bc i couldn’t sleep and wanted to feel loved. pretty much all of this is self indulgent rambling about love, spiced with some lovemaking, but i hope you like it guys! <3

MASTERLIST   |   ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN

The sunlight lays down on the gently rolling waves, water and thousands of tiny, glittering stars, sun-mirrors, father and mother of all life, silent lovers meeting halfway. Their union paint streaks of white light onto the bottom, over round stones scraped smooth, over rainbowlike fish scales and hidden imprints of a forest long since dead, mummified in slate and rock. 

That's how he meets you. 

With the force and gentleness of the sun.

It feels too close. The heart of a star's birth, flames swirling into ribbons of heat, his heart the epicenter, rumbling, crumbling, and you get scorched, slowly, like how rot burns a fallen tree into rich earth. Bugs and fungi and critters latch onto the bones of your ribs, prying them away, open, until there's a hole wide enough for the sunlight to get in. Love, love, love. A word both too weak and too strong to capture what you mean. It catches on the tip of your tongue like a fallen droplet of sweat. Salty-sweet. 

Arthur kisses you, and fuck…

The light gets in.

His lips, your lips, a song, a ballad, a poem, a killing, a fight, an embrace. 

Get in. Let the light get in. Inside. Put it inside me, your light, put in everything, I want to feel whole, just a little, just what you can spare.

"Shh," he whispers, and you don't realize, not until the soothing gentleness of his voice, that you said it all out loud. Quiet, barely audible babbles. A confession. A lie. The barest truth that is so raw it still bleeds fresh crimson. "I gotchu sweetheart."

Dread fills you for a second, the realization of what you've done. No, no, no, no! Not like this, you didn't want to say it like this, how could you? You ruined it all, the naked vulnerability of the moment, the thin veil of peace that descended upon the pair of you when Arthur pulled you into his arms and then pressed you into a patch of soft, yellowed grass. 

I ruined it, goddamn ruined it.

But Arthur doesn't back away. Instead, he presses a finger to your chin and smooths out the crease that is forming there, a foreword of tears. He kisses you instead, again, softly, choking your tears off and making you hiccup into his eager mouth. He swallows it eagerly, your sounds of desperation and disbelief, and after a few tortured seconds, your shaky sigh of relief. 

"What do you want?" he whisper-kisses, barely parting from you, hands coming around your head, caging you in. A cage made from arches of bone and flesh and sun-worn skin, overarching the frozen heap that is your body. Between cracks of striped blue cotton fabric and horse-smelling leather, the light glints in. 

Christ, you don't know. 

You never know how to answer a question like this. It's simple. It's the most difficult of all. 

You want just this, just like how he wants it, it doesn't really matter, because you're finally not alone and he's warm and after days of cold rain the sun peeked through the clouds and the snow-capped mountains. You want everything. You want to tell him to leave and never come back. You want him to go and be happy. You want… you hope maybe he can be here, with you.

Arthur waits, and the tears prickle your eyelids, bubbling, bitter globs of liquid sorrow, getting weaved into your eyelashes like autumn dew over blades of yellowed grass. 

He coaxes the answer out of you. 

A thumb on your cheek and kisses. Many, gentle presses that draw a path down the side of your nose, the corner of your mouth, your brows. He traces them again and again, like how wild animals walk the same path to a river day after day. He waits, because he wants to, because he chose to, because maybe you're worth the time he sacrifices for being with you. 

You ain't—

Shit, this is harder than anything you've ever done. 

Admitting a want is like admitting a sin. The altar is the meadow around, below, the beating flesh of the earth, and the priest is the sun, listening, always listening. 

You confess. 

Broken, half-sobbed syllables. 

Somewhere, between words of pain and fear and the curse of being alone, always alone, his name. 

Soft. 

Kind. 

Some angel disguised between a horde of devils. 

"Whatchu really want, honey?" he tries again, because you're avoiding the question. 'Course you do. That's the only thing you've learnt like an instinct, like breathing or eating, because you had to. Because it was always convenient. 

I want—

I want—

You. Us. Something more than me. 

"Whatever you can give me," you press out between trembling lips and too-close teeth. 

That's enough. That's fucking everything he wanted to hear. 

Arthur gazes down at you, blue-green eyes swirling wild, a summer storm that somehow swam over to the cold days of October, lightning and thunder and showering rain. The sun has seen enough. Sins and confessions and love. She dips behind a puff of white clouds, and that's the exact moment Arthur leans to you and takes your lips like how he always wanted.

Because he did. 

And he does. 

So much it burns.

There's a bare second you think you'll cry, but the warmth blooming somewhere in a deep hidden part of you makes the tears evaporate. Your own personal sun, a star being born, the force of its explosion making the bones in your chest rattle and ache. You shudder against him and he grabs you, kneads your flesh, makes it warm—no, hot, in their wake, makes it tingle and buzz like a swarm of bees under tired skin. 

His tongue swipes your lip, his lashes tickle your cheek, and then another wall crumbles and falls, weaved in by flowering vines—choked by them. You let him in. The door of your heart, the poorly patched-in hole in your defenses, the seam of your mouth. He invades, like a force, like a storm, like a thousand horsemen tasked with a siege. 

He invades, and he's welcome here.

You let him lick into your mouth, let him map out the shape of you, let him kiss you until there's no breath left in your lungs and no space between your chest and his. You feel his heart against your breast, beating wild, bucking like a mustang caught on a rope, and your own flickers alive, a fire stroked back to a flow of summer-colored flames. 

"How much ya want?" he mumbles between two kisses, a softer and a passionate one, the kind that ignites the torch of unholy needs of the flesh. 

How much of what?

"I don't know," you pull away, shy, shy of this cursed want inside you, but the fire is already roaring, and there's no river that can stop its towering flames. A spark can jump over. 

"Will ya take everythin' if I offer?" he noses along the side of your face, presses a kiss where your ear meets your jaw. 

Your bodies aligned, like constellations, have power in them. 

Power that can be released, that can be reigned. Like horses. Born wild and free, only tamed proper by those who are worthy. 

Arthur offers you that. 

And you feel the urge to cry again.

"What if I want to? Does that make me greedy?"

Arthur almost chuckles. You feel his smile pressed to the crook of your neck.

"I have many sins, darlin'... This ain't one of them."

And he's back, because he can, because he really wants to, and you kiss and kiss until he wedges himself between your legs, just to feel even closer, just to show you . 

There's a simmering fire there, embers he blows whiskey on as he settles, and Christ , he's hard, and he knows, because he grinds it to you, he makes it catch aflame proper, makes the crushed seed of love bloom into a flower. 

You grow wet between the thighs, and he knows that too, because you feel his smile against you, the insistent firmness of his hands grabbing parts of your flesh, the fat on your hips, even through your riding coat and thick jeans. 

"Can I touch ya?" he asks, peppers gentle presses of his lips above the collar of your shirt. 

You're already doin' that. 

Why ask anyway when I'm yours?

"You can do anythin'," you whisper back, finally brave enough to slide your hand up to his nape, brave enough to slip your fingers into his hair. "I'd let you do anythin'."

"Don't say that or I'll—," he bites back the rest, but you feel his meaning when one of his hands goes down to your belly, to the seam of your pants to dip in. 

Wait, this is—

You never thought you could—

"Or you what?" you prompt him to finish, distracting you from the way he carefully makes space for his fingers in your jeans, almost carving it out for them, until he can slip trigger-calloused fingers into coarse hair on your mound. 

There's a noise. 

A squeak. A whisper-shout. 

A sigh of surprised relief. 

"Or I can't hold myself back," he murmurs and he fingers the spot where your folds part, just above your clit. 

"Then don't."

You know what you want, and this is already so much more. 

Arthur's eyes jump back to you, but there's no mirth of a joke in your gaze. You're dead serious.

He kisses you for it, hard and needy and passionate and you finally learn to reciprocate, to take what he offers. 

Arthur tears at your pants, pulls on the buttons, makes you wiggle them down enough so his hand can fit. It's so broad, so warm, but your thighs are warmer, and softer, and he touches them with the greed of a young thief that wants to steal the moon off the night sky. 

"Please, please, please…" you babble, and he obeys, parts the seam of your cunt that glistens surprisingly wet after such a short time. "Touch me, stuff me, I don't care," but you don't have to plead for more. 

I don't want to feel this empty.

"I gotchu, darlin'."

He pushes two fingers in, and you cry and sigh and keep whispering his name like a chant. He slides them deep enough to stretch good, to make his palm grind against your clit, and he moves them, slow, hard, and then faster when you start to sing like an early songbird, cunt squeezing and squelching and sucking him back greedily every time.

"You're so pretty," he says to you, leaning in again to steal a kiss, to make you believe he's sincere with his words. "So goddamn clever," another kiss, a lot softer. "So goddamn perfect for me."

You feel like the red string of fate is wrapped around your throat like a cord, choking you, barely reborn from the womb of the earth after sinking too deep. But Arthur… Dear, gentle Arthur pries it away. Makes the bruises fade, the red string still tight on his own neck.

He moves his fingers and you don't have time to think. His palm grinds over your mound, clever circles, and your want tickles over the crease in it, clear and white, and his fingers are thick with it too, sliding back and forth, apart and together, making way for something more. 

"Want you inside me," you tell him, leaning close to his ear, and he nods, makes it a mission to have you, even though he first wanted to draw this whole thing out. There's no time. Not enough before your walls try to build themselves back together. 

"How?" 

"Don't care," you pull on him, on the soft hairs on his nape and he kisses you in return, a reassurance. You reach for him, tug on the buckle of his belt, the front of his pants. He muffles a groan into the side of your neck, marks the place of it with a gentle peck. 

You both move.

There's no grace in the movements you two make—you turn to your side, legs still trapped from mid-thigh down by your jeans, but it's enough for Arthur to tease the head of his cock between your folds, the angle making it hard to push in at first, his clothed chest heaving against your spine, his breath puffed into your shoulder.

But when he finally fits—

When he finally embraces you from behind… 

There's no chance of this being a one time thing. It's love. Love, love, love, love. Thick, slow, glorious, just like the way he takes you, just like how he picks away the pieces of you until there's nothing left but the naked buzzing rainbow-edges of a soul. 

Your naked soul. 

And his, slowly wrapping itself around.

You make love out under the sun and the clouds and the azure sky. They're witnesses at the trial of your heart, feather light now, the truth spoken by hands and lips and the cradle of hips. 

You love him, so goddamn much. 

You try to say it with the embrace—with your hand grasping his over your belly, with your leg weaved between his own, with your cunt swallowing him deep and making him stay: a church, a mansion, a home. You can be that. For him, you can.

You let the light in. 

He shines, and you gather all of it, hoard it, deep down in your chest where blood and flesh beats wildly. 

And when he shudders against you, his cock pulled out and pressed between your thighs, thick and spurting warm over the small patch of naked skin—he comes back, with his hand and his mouth, praising you and fingering you until your climax makes your leg cramp up and your tears to spill.

The sun judges you and finds you innocent. The sky, the clouds too. Your soul dances above somewhere, over the autumn meadow of browned wildflowers and yellowing grass, intertwining with his, as one soft phrase rolls off his lips, "you're my own missing light, sweetheart."

[chimeclan-tales]

Moon 2 - Newleaf

Muscle Memory

TW - mentions of disease (and its graphic symptoms), implied death, blood in the second image

Finally. I’m far enough.

The gray tom could no longer hold his excitement. It took too long to convince his clanmates he was asleep, and even longer to navigate the bramble walls of the camp. 

They’re waiting.

He quickened his pace and pushed through the undergrowth. It was a perfect night to spend with…

“Sunbloom?” He whispered. He recognized their scent, but they were nowhere to be seen. “Apologies, I’m late.”

“Oh, what a gentletom,” A teasing voice meowed from the treetops. He looked to a branch above, and there they were. The familiar ginger pelt and blue eyes. Almost violet, like iris flowers. “Come, the view up here is worth seeing.”

He sighed but obliged. The cats slowly climbed through the branches– until they were at the highest point.

Although the moon was as thin as a claw, it covered the forest in a soft, mellow glow. The stars twinkled above, and the cool Newleaf breeze brushed past them. A moment of peace, from all the bustling activity in the clans.

“How have you been?” Beetail meowed softly.

“You sound like we’re from different clans,” His partner let out a soft purr. “Like we haven’t seen each other in moons.”

“But you haven’t left the healers’ den all day.”

Sunbloom sighed, and rested their head against Beetail’s shoulder. He could feel their soft fur and steady breathing.

“Sunbloom?”

“...The sickness seems more complicated than we thought,” They meowed, no longer hiding the weariness in their voice. 

“What happened?”

“The remedies for aching joints have done nothing. Gravelpelt can barely move. Nectarkit might not make it tomorrow.” 

“I thought the kit visited you for bruises…” Beetail tried to suppress the dread building up in his throat.

“Ghostflood had shared prey with Gravelpelt,” They continued. “She hasn’t shown any symptoms, but maybe passed it through her milk. Even Rimethorn has told me to be careful around Fogstar’s reopened wounds. The blood could pass it.” 

Beetail curled his tail tighter around Sunbloom.

“But I’m being careful, don’t worry.”

“That doesn’t change how dangerous this all is.”

“I know, but we can’t stop and do nothing,” Their blue eyes met his yellow ones. “StarClan gave us a prophecy. There will be a cure...”

================================

“Beetail?”

Windstar’s voice snapped the senior warrior out of his thoughts. He was no longer in the forests of IrisClan. Here and now, these were the meadows of ChimeClan.

“Can you repeat that?” Beetail flicked his ear, annoyed at himself. All this talk about StarClan was getting to him. 

“Did you visit StarClan at the Moon Falls?” Windstar meowed as he padded along the border. 

“...Nightsplash did,” Beetail finally meowed. “I don’t intend to visit until I drop dead.”

“But things are different now. Don’t you even want to see your mate again?”

Windstar’s met them?

“No.”

Beetail could feel Windstar’s gaze on his pelt. Although they were once from different clans, the journey made the leader familiar with his mannerisms. Including his shifting paws and shortened responses when he lied.

“Beetail…”

“It was their fault they died!” He spat. “So righteous… Thinking they were some invincible prophecy cat, then left to slowly die from the Rotting. I would’ve preferred if a monster had taken them!”

“It was Sunbloom’s choice–”

“A mousebrained choice!”

He didn’t want to leave his clan to die, but he couldn’t keep watching Sunbloom’s slow death. No, he didn’t even get to watch it. 

After moons of toil, Sunbloom’s final moments were spent alone. Despite the pain from their bones, the blood dripping from their muzzle, they marched deep in the forest. A final desperate search for the strange herb StarClan had promised.

It was never found. 

“I don’t know what StarClan was thinking back then,” He hissed. “I don’t know what Sunbloom– what anyone was thinking! None of it made sense. I don’t–”

Both cats stopped the moment they heard barking in the distance.

“GULLPAW!”

Their fur prickled as a cat screamed in pain. The small body of an apprentice was thrown out of the jaws of a dog.

With a nod, Windstar jumped across the SpikeClan border. Beetail shook his pelt and all his thoughts out. It was time to focus.

“Paws off him, mutt!” A brawny she-cat slashed at the dog’s muzzle. 

Before it could retaliate, Windstar had landed and dug his claws into its back. It turned, trying to buck him off, but the she-cat swiped at its hind legs.  

Beetail ran past them to check on the poor apprentice. The brown tabby’s eyes were wide with fear, and his leg had been mangled.

StarClan, he looks like he just turned six moons. I need to stop the bleeding.

“W-who… Who—”

“Don’t worry,” Beetail meowed as he searched the nearby trees for cobwebs. The battle between the dog and the two cats continued, but Beetail knew what Windstar was capable of. “I’m here to help.”

A soft breeze tugged at his fur and guided his gaze. He jumped and dug his claws into the tree trunk. He wanted to relish the familiar feeling of his claws in the wood, but a cat needed help.

The cobwebs were now in his mouth, and from above, he could spot the forest floor below. He leapt to where the stalks of a plant laid.

“Eat these,” He ran back to the apprentice. “Thyme will help with the shock.”

“T-Time? Am I–” “The leaves.”

The apprentice obeyed as Beetail patched his leg with the cobwebs. The sounds of battle had died down, and two cats now approached them.

“Oi!” The brawny SpikeClan cat yelled. She, like Windstar, was lucky to avoid any injuries, and could run at full speed. “Is Gullpaw alright?”

“His condition is stable,” Beetail meowed. “But be careful bringing him back to camp.”

“You ChimeClan cats had no business bein’ here,” She meowed. “But. Uh. Thank you. As the deputy of SpikeClan, my clanmates will hear of this.”

She approached her apprentice who, with Windstar’s help, clambered onto her back. 

“T-Thank you…” Gullpaw meowed softly. “ChimeClan…”

As the SpikeClan cats disappeared into the forest, Beetail suddenly sat down. The adrenaline had dissipated, and his aged muscles started to complain.

“Beetail?”

“...I’m alright,” He sighed. “I think… I’ll need a break from patrolling.”

Previous Moon Event - An Annoying Kitten

Next Moon Event - COMING SOON

[inafieldofdaisies]

WIP Wednesday | Tagged by @euryalex @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @trench-rot 🤍 | Tagging @poisonedtruth @adelaidedrubman @shegetsburned @g0dspeeed @nightbloodraelle @nightwingshero @madparadoxum @aceghosts @jacobsneed @jinfromyarikawa @josephslittledeputy @josephseedismyfather @purplehairsecretlair @detectivelokis @vampireninjabunnies-blog @strangefable @strafethesesinners @sstewyhosseini and anyone with something to share <3

I present you another snippet from Chapter 8 where we finally get to meet some new OCs that are set on catching John and becoming heroes. Enter Charlie "The Menace" Morgan...

The Spread Eagle was empty when Calahan entered, his day had started at 5 am with a couple of Peggies stumbling across his camp and ruining his chance at getting some rest. "You've been marked, Sinner! John is coming to get ya-", was the last thing their leader had said before Hartley sent him to meet his beloved maker. And since then, his day was going just peachy. He needed a drink, or more like five. No rest for the wicked. Or do I say the "Sinner"? "Rookie, the usual?", Mary May shot him a smile from behind the bar. "Why is it so quiet, gorgeous?" Seeing a friendly face was already brightening his mood. "Take a guess." "What do I win if I guess right?", his wink made Mary May roll her eyes. Her reaction caused him to think of Sabrina and how she never took his charm too seriously either. Where the fuck are you, Gray? Who has you? He couldn't go 5 minutes without thinking about all the people close to him that the Seeds had captured few days back. It made him restless, angry, ready to lash out on any Peggie that crossed his path. "First drink's on me." Calahan gave her his best "I'm so lost in deep thought" face, the same one he used anytime Whitehorse lectured him on how he should be behaving as a Deputy. "I'd say-"

The sound of the bell cut him off as the doors to the bar opened and three Resistance members walked in, involved in what seemed like a very heated discussion. "Mary May, drinks, darlin', we bear good news!", the oldest of the trio chimed in. The voice belonged to Charlie Morgan, a man in his late 30s, with short dark hair and beard, shifty pale eyes and neck tattoos. "Rookie! Just the man we need!", he shouted before slapping Calahan on the back with unnecessary force. Hartley was already over the interaction, dreading whatever he and his buddies had come up with. Back in the days before the Reaping he wouldn't have been caught dead interacting with Charlie, but as Dutch had said they needed any assistance they could get. He only wished the helping hand in question was better at their tasks and didn't spend half the day drinking at The Spread Eagle, calling it "work for the cause". The sooner I get Hudson out and track Gray down, the quicker we'd make actual progress and rescue the others. "What is it now, Charlie?" "Deputy, we have him!", it wasn't Morgan that responded but a teen that couldn't have been older than 17, an unfamiliar face to Hartley. "Have who? And you are?" "Justin Harker. My ma and I moved in here few months back, may she rest in peace.", he offered his hand to Hartley, which he shook, then added in a whisper, "We've got intel on John Seed!" Charlie sat down in the chair next to Calahan's, downing the glass Mary May had produced in front of him. "Bastard's running a leaky operation, Rookie. Heard from a source he's left that bunker of his on his own. But it gets better… in less than an hour he will be headed to his ranch." Hartley shook his head, "Sounds too good to be true, Morgan. You sure you didn't dream that up?" "Deputy, it's true. We're going there, thought to stop to ask you to joins us for the ambush.", Harker couldn't contain his excitement. "We're capturing that bastard and making him suffer today.", Charlie let out a maniacal laughter at which Mary May slapped her palm on the bar, giving him a pointed look. "Keep it down. I'm running a business here. First and last warning, and you're gonna be making your own booze in your toilet." "Sorry, darlin'." The third guy remained silent, Hartley knew his face but for the life of him couldn't remember his name. "So you coming, or not, Rookie?" Calahan sighed, his head was already throbbing enough, and Morgan's presence wasn't helping. "No, I'm exhausted. I doubt this is going to pan out, boys. No offense, but you're miles away from being a capture party. Best case scenario, some Peggie is fucking with you and sending you on a wild goose chase… Worst, well… you'd be captured and meet John face to face, but in his bunker." "Rookie, are you afraid?", Charlie chuckled. "You heard anything from what I just said, you asshole?" "Now, now, let's all calm down.", third guy broke his silence, waving his arms around. "We're going, Rookie. And you can sit on your ass and be afraid all you want. I'm catching that bastard that carved my chest and carving his face as payback today. Let see then how well his broadcasts perform after I'm done with him."

Charlie downed his second drink and stormed out without a look back, followed by Mr. "Calm". Hartley grabbed Harker's arm as he went to leave, too. "Kid, if you know what's best for you, don't go anywhere with Charlie Morgan." The teen shook his head, "It's fine, Deputy, I made a promise at my ma's grave, I plan on honoring it." "You know which channel to call if you get anything?" "Yes, Deputy. I will be sure to keep you posted." With that he left, heading outside to join the others. "God, I hate Charlie.", Mary May groaned. "Then why serve him, gorgeous?" "Can't be picky in these times, now can I? As long as he pays… but I'm getting close to banning him indefinitely." Calahan rested his head on the bar. "You really not going to go with them?", Mary May nodded towards the now closed door, "There's still time." "Nah. I'm good. Don't believe John Seed would just offer himself on a silver platter like that." "Well, in that case, why don't you head upstairs, catch some sleep on the couch? Didn't plan to say it, but you look like shit.", Mary May smiled. "Don't I know it. Sleep avoids me like an ex-girlfriend these days." "You still worried about Sabrina?" "No news, absolutely nothing. It's bizarre." "I'm sure something will turn up." "Thanks, gorgeous." Hartley took a final sip of his drink and climbed upstairs, ready to get some needed rest before he'd have to head back out.

John drove in silence, his eyes glued to the road while he felt like he was on autopilot as the last few hours replayed in his mind. His emotions were all over the place: from how the morning started with yet another close encounter with Sabrina through the decision to take her to the ranch to holding her lingerie in his hand as he imagined peeling it off her body. Bad idea. He had no clue what had possessed him to do it and she seemed just as shocked. He needed to put as much distance between them as soon as possible, if he was to come back to his old self and focus on his tasks. Then there was Savannah and her genuine excitement at his presence and their "trip". He knew he had made the right decision the second she told him she's not afraid of him even if he's a "Peggie". He didn't want to imagine those big green eyes fill with fear at the sight of him. Ever. "You doing okay there, Seed?", Sabrina whispered after a while, amusement seeping into her tone. John nodded, gripping the steering wheel, "Just thinking, going over my schedule." A complete lie… but he doubted she'd appreciate the truth, especially spoken out loud in front of her sister. He took his eyes off the road for a second to sneak a look at Sabrina just in time to see her faint smile vanish completely off her face. Her hand shot out to his knee, his name coming out in a panicked whisper, making him look back ahead. The road they were on wasn't empty as it was before, instead a car and an armed man stood blocking their path as the truck came to an abrupt stop. John looked in the rearview mirror, contemplating driving back the way they came from but two more men had popped out from hiding, headed for the truck with determination. The Resistance.

"Who are these people? Are they Peggies? They don't look like it.", Savannah spoke up, her face twisted in confusion. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, pumpkin.", Sabrina responded just as one of the Sinners shouted, his voice carrying through their open windows, "Out, Seed, don't think of doing anything funny. There's no need for anyone else to get hurt." "John-" "Rin-Rin, what's happening?", panic was taking over Savannah's voice. One of the men was by the driver's door then, rifle trained, ready to haul John out of the truck by force. "It's okay, Savi." He leaned in, wondering if he's smelling Sabrina's scent for the last time as he whispered in her ear, "There's a gun in the glovebox, the Bliss bullets are non-lethal but they will slow them down, do what you must to protect Savannah." Then he turned to the Sinner, calling out, "I'm coming out. There's a child in the car." "John, this is a bad idea." He knew as much, but the alternative presented just as much danger. "It's not my time yet, Deputy. Don't worry." He opened the door, climbing out with one last look at Sabrina, knowing chances were she'd drive away now that the road behind them was clear and leave him to face Judgement at the hands of the Resistance. She owed him nothing, especially not when her sister was in danger. "Walk, Seed.", the Sinner gritted out, his rifle poking John in the back, urging him on. As they neared the lone gunman, he raised his hands, "I'm unarmed, let the others go." He wasn't exactly unarmed, he still had Sabrina's knife, though using it would be a gamble with his own life. "You're not in charge here, you bastard.", came out the familiar voice of Charlie Morgan, his dead gray eyes narrowed with a look of hatred, hinting at his intentions. That very man had his turn sitting in John's chair not that long ago, screaming about revenge while John carved "Gluttony" into the Sinner's chest. From the corner of his eye he could see the youngest of the group speak into a walkie, probably calling in reinforcements. Captured. Me?

John wanted to laugh at the irony, but thoughts of Sabrina and Savannah clouded his mind. "You haven't learned anything from your Confession, have you, Charlie?" It was the wrong thing to say, making Morgan's face twist up in rage, gaze shifting to the truck behind them, "Maybe I should go drag out that lady of yours, march her over here, see how mouthy you are then, you bastard." John tried to keep himself in check, but something must have flashed across his face, urging Charlie to keep pushing. "Yeah, I'd start with carving into her. Make you watch. Then comes your turn. How does that sound?" He turned to the older Resistance member, "Bring her here, Blake." "You have to love them, Brother.", Joseph's voice did little to calm the anger bubbling up inside. The thought of Morgan putting his slimy paws on Sabrina made John see red. Before he can even attempt to silence the urge for violence, his hand had taken out her knife from the back of his jeans and in one brisk motion plunged it into the neck of the Sinner that had led him there. Before Charlie could react he was on top of him next. The whole time the youngest Sinner stood frozen in shock. His pistol shook in his hand at the sight of one of his comrades lying dead on the concrete, blood pooling beneath him and the other was close to follow in his footsteps, too. "Charlie, this isn't what we planned…Hurting others…Blake's dead.", the teen mumbled, voice small. John ignored his panicked ramblings, keeping his attention fully on Charlie, his smile dark as he said, "Yes, you haven't learned anything, Charlie." Morgan was nowhere close to giving up, his fury fueled his struggle and eventually allowed him to overpower John. He was set on grabbing the knife as he came on top with a maniacal look on his face. "You carved my chest, now it's time to carve that pretty face of yours, you bastard. See how Joseph likes you then."

"Is John going to be okay?", Savannah's eyes were brimming with tears. Sabrina's gaze shifted from the scene in front of them back to her sister as the armed man led John away. She rolled the windows up, afraid what might carry through them. "Hey, look at me, everything is going to be okay.", she reached her hand out to Savannah, "Don't look ahead, okay?" "Okay." Two paths were presented to her again: to drive off or help John. Her brain screamed at her to be rational, that Savannah was the only priority, that she should crawl over the console and into the driver seat, turn the truck around and leave. Her conscience argued he's in danger because of her: because he took her out of that bunker in the first place and he was breaking a rule by taking her to his home to protect her sister. And her heart… it reminded her he's the man from her visions. That she would be abandoning him to die, never to see him again. Acting or not. I can't leave him. Her father was not one for inaction, it's what led to his death and he passed that dangerous drive down to his daughter. She knew what he would do. Her mind was made up the second she saw John take down one of the men. You're going to get yourself killed, Seed. In a blink, she was reaching into the glovebox, pulling out the gun, absorbing the familiar feeling as she gripped it and released the safety before she turned to Savannah. "Keep your head down, whatever happens, you don't look. Lock the doors behind me, Sav." "John-" "I'm going to get him." She kissed her sister's forehead, rushing out of the truck, her eyes zeroing in on John and another man locked in a struggle on the ground, fighting over a knife. Above them stood a teenager, face frozen in shock, as he pointed the gun at the two men, unsure what to do, if he should shoot. "Charlie, stop it! We agreed we're taking him in alive! We had a plan!" Charlie? She knew that name, many times she and Hudson had to escort him out of the Spread Eagle after he had decided to sleep there after a full day of drinking. Then suddenly one day he had disappeared, taken in by John's men only to reemerge with a dark look that refused to leave his eyes, constantly talking about getting revenge on the Project. In that moment he was set on killing John, screaming about carving into his face as payback. Seems like your own sins are catching up with you, Seed. Did you have him in that room, too?

The teen's gaze shifted from the ground up to Sabrina as she drew in closer, he raised his pistol in panic, pulling the trigger but his hand was shaking so badly he missed, grazing Sabrina's arm instead. She ignored the sting, hitting her target in a spot at his shoulder that was less likely to be leathal, the tricky shot incapacitated him, but whatever was in the "bullet" took him down in seconds, to the point she was worried she had killed him somehow. A brief moment was all it took for Charlie to get distracted when his friend's body hit the ground, giving John the chance to strike and sink the knife into his neck in one swift move. "A chance at Eden, Charlie. And you threw it away.", came as a mutter. He rolled the man's body off him as Sabrina reached her free hand out to pull him up. "Sabrina.", he lay still for a second, his blue eyes staring into hers, betraying his bewilderment at her assistance. "You expected me to leave?" John nodded, as he grabbed her outstretched arm, his own hands were bloody, getting hers covered too. He got up, smoothing the strands of hair that had gone out of place during the scuffle. "You should have left. Your sister-" "She's okay. I told her to lock the doors. I don't leave people behind, John." "Even me?" "Even you." "And yet, that boyfriend of yours left you behind. Ironic." "Boyfriend?", Sabrina's eyes narrowed in confusion. "That blond Deputy.", the resentment was clear in his tone and the mask slipped for a second as his features morphed into a dark frown. She didn't correct his assumption when she said, "Calahan. And he didn't leave me, I told him to go." "You sacrificed yourself so he gets away. You must love him then." Fishing for information now, are we? "I simply didn't want to risk his life too. I can take care of myself." "That I've seen. You're quite resourceful.", John wipped her knife off his jeans, "Your little gift saved my life, Deputy." Gift. Ha.

""A knife in your boot can save your life one day.", it's what my father used to say." And Scott Donovan was right, her own knife had helped John. "Smart man." Sabrina gave him a sad smile as she kneeled down, checking on the teen at her feet, "He was. A truly good man." Barely lucid, but still breathing. Good. "We have to go, Deputy. I'm pretty certain this one called in reinforcements." She nodded in response and when John made a move towards the teen, knife still clutched in his hand, she put herself between them, adding, "If you're planning on killing him, too… I won't let you. He's a kid, couldn't even hold his weapon steady. Enough lives were lost today, John, and it's barely noon." "Fine, Deputy." After moving the bodies off the path, they headed back to the truck, as he asked, "What do we tell Savannah?" We. That's progress. Sabrina took a deep breath, "I- for once I'm not sure, I need a minute." His hand was on the small of her back, offering silent support as they reached the passenger's side door. To Sabrina's relief her sister had followed her instructions: she was curled into herself, her auburn hair barely peeking out between the seats. She looked up cautiously when Sabrina knocked on the glass. "We're okay, pumpkin. You can open up." Savannah climbed over the console, rolling down the window, "Are the bad men gone?" Gone. Both literally and figuratively. "Yes, Sav. Pass me your water bottle, will you?" Sabrina and John quickly washed off whatever they could from the blood before climbing back into the truck. Soon they were back on the road with the men's bodies not visible in the rearview mirror anymore as Savannah's face poked inbetween the front seats, her green eyes focusing on John then on her sister. "You're both okay, right?" "Yes", came out in unison, making her laugh out loud. John looked at Sabrina before shifting his gaze back onward, his lips curling into a triumphant smile, "Deputy, you just said "Yes"." "No, I didn't.", she deadpanned. Savannah giggled, "Yes, you did, Rin-Rin." John tilted his head in her sister's direction, "See, Savi here says I'm right." "You're unbeliavable." "So you keep telling me.", and he had the audacity to wink. He just killed two people and is smiling like nothing has happened. Sabrina rested her head against the window, ignoring the pain in her forearm and trying to keep her emotions in check while Savannah and him chatted away, filling the time until they reach their destination.

[shina913]

Coquet, Epilogue | JJK

Coquet, Epilogue

\ kō-​ˈket Definition: noun. a man who indulges in flirtation.

✫✫✫Coquet Masterlist✫✫✫

Pairing: Escort!JJK x Fem-reader

Rating: M (🔞)

Genre: Fake-dating!AU; Strangers to lovers; fluff; angst; smut

Warnings: established relationship; cussing; sexually explicit language; brief hints of penetrative sex; tooth-rotting fluff (these two are just so crazy for each other); a wild Yoongi appears!; JK in the shower because...🥴

Word count: 1,933K words

Summary: On your brother's wedding, you dread traveling to see your family–whom you have successfully avoided for over a year after moving across the country for work. In an effort to save face, you hire an escort to get them off your back and perhaps even make your ex–who happens to be the best man–a little jealous.

A/N: You'll need to read the previous chapter for this to make sense. There are a few callbacks from older chapters as well 😅 I'm going to miss this couple so much! Thank you all for coming along for the ride. 🥰

“Jagiya! Let’s go!”

“Okay, hold on! Sorry, I happen to be cursed with the tiniest bladder ever!” You yell out from the bathroom. You washed your hands, dried them, then proceeded to adjust your dress, smoothing out any wrinkles.

You open the door to Jungkook leaning against the frame with a questioning look on his face.

You widen your eyes at him in silent indignance. “See? I told you, we still have plenty of time to spare before we need to get to City Hall.”

“I’m fully aware of that.”

You scoffed. “Okay, so? Why do you keep rushing me then?”

He leans in, dangerously close to your face. “I couldn’t take my eyes off your ass since you slipped that dress on.”

Your stomach clenches instinctively while your pulse quickens. You sank your teeth into your lower lip.

You slowly grabbed a hold of his tie and started to twist it around your hand, tugging on it. “Well? Are you just going to stand here staring at it or are you going to do something about it?”

******

“Shit! It’s my mom.” You scramble to answer the phone. “Ma?”

“Excuse me? Don’t you ‘ma’ me! Where are you guys? You should have been here half an hour ago!” Your mom barks on the other line.

“Uh—w-we’re almost done here. Then we’ll hop in the car and go.”

She let out an exasperated sigh. “Okay, well, how much longer? The county clerk might be calling Taehyung and Jennie’s names soon!”

You glanced up at Jungkook who continued to slowly and torturously push into you while smiling mischievously. You bit down on your lips to keep yourself from moaning.

“S-seven minutes and we’ll get on the road.” He flashed a grin before dipping his head to nudge your chin up to suck on your neck.

“That’s oddly specific,” your mom remarks.

“Mom, I gotta go. We’ll be done quicker when I’m off the phone.”

“Alright, alright. See you soon. Bye!” She hangs up.

“Fuck, I never thought that call would end—hhmmmfuck,” you moaned once he thrust into you, quick and deep.

“Well, chop-chop—we’re in a time crunch, remember?” His mouth curves into a wide smile while he watches your eyes roll to the back of your head in pleasure.

******

You and Jungkook arrive seconds before the justice of the peace walks out of the elevator at the top of the marble steps of the City Hall rotunda. Taehyung and Jennie stood side-by-side–him in a simple, gray suit and white button-up and her in a simple, ankle-length, fitted white dress, accented by a birdcage-style veil that was pinned to her hair with a trio of fresh gardenias that matched her modest bouquet and Taehyung’s boutonniere.

They exchanged vows and rings–which your dad carried since he served as best man. The ceremony was short and sweet but no less meaningful. Everyone cheered and a few of you even shed some tears after their first kiss as a married couple.

You came up to hug Taehyung tightly, extremely happy for him. You also move to give Jennie a hug, officially welcoming her to the family. You saw that same look in Taehyung’s eyes when he told you that he was ‘stupidly happy.’ You were happy that they figured things out and rebuilt their relationship. He and Jennie loved each other very much.

The reception was equally low-key. There were only about 30 people in attendance–close family and friends only. It was held at the couple’s favorite restaurant–which served galbi, samgyeopsal, that you can get with a comforting bowl of janchi guksu.

Right before dinner, you were milling around the banquet room. Guests held glasses of beer, some had wine while they chatted and joked around. It was all very relaxed.

“Geez, look at you. You’re such a goner,” Mindi says tauntingly as she sidles up to you. “You get all heart-eyes when you look at Jungkook. It’s so cute.” She pinches your cheek in a tiny way.

“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes, unaware that you had been staring at him from afar while he’s in deep conversation with your dad and Taehyung. “Aish, don’t worry, unnie. I know he’s just as crazy in love with you, too.”

Jungkook stops for a moment and finally locks eyes with you. He gives you a wink before turning his attention back to his conversation.

Your stomach does a little somersault. Mindi’s cackles filled the air. “What did I tell you, unnie? craay-zzy!!!“

“You’re one to talk! Look at you, bringing your own wedding date,” you retorted, shifting your gaze at her boyfriend, Yoongi, who was currently chatting with Auntie Dahlia and Jimin.

You’d been privy to their relationship’s progress. Mindi often talked about how much she swooned at how Yoongi dotes on her. He even went so far as to move closer to her, cutting his travel time by over two hours.

“Trying to get in good with the in-laws, already, I see?”

She groans. “I hate how eomma is head-over-heels for him. She’s always asking when he’s going to come around next, always wanting him to stay for dinner.”

“And that’s bad?” You try to stifle your laughs.

“Not really, but…” she sighed deeply. “I just know that she can smell his bachelor blood in the water. I swear, she’s ready to pounce on him especially now that Jennie and Tae are married!” She then slips into a voice that resembles her mom’s. “Aish…Mindi-yaaah, you’re going to die alone! Don’t let this one go!”

You fall into absolute stitches.

She laughs and then shakes her head. “I wish Jimin-oppa would just start dating someone already so it takes the pressure off me,” Mindi says. “Yoongi and I just want to be chill.”

“Then just be chill. I’ll talk to Auntie Dee. I got you.” You nudged at her.

She smiled at you. “Thanks, unnie. I better go and rescue my man before eomma eats him alive.” A few seconds after she walks away, you return to your seat to check your phone for any emails. Jungkook saunters over to you.

“Hey.”

“Hey, you.” You tilt your chin up to him and he presses his lips onto yours for a kiss before he sits. “That was a nice ceremony, huh?” You remarked.

“It was,” he agrees. “And they look happy. That’s all that matters.”

You hummed. “I think they were meant to do something small and intimate like this–instead of a huge party.”

He lowered his voice and whispered in your ear. “Is that what you want, too?”

Your eyebrow quirks and you slowly turn your attention to him. You’d been together just shy of a year and you’d casually talked about the future but hadn’t made any concrete plans since he was still working through a couple more years of his residency. He ended up choosing to specialize in internal medicine.

“Are you trying to ask me something?” You wonder out loud.

He shrugs, his expression completely ambiguous to you. “I’m just curious.”

“‘Curious’, huh?”

He gave you a nod while still anticipating your answer.

You sighed, then smiled at him. “If and when the time comes, all I want…is for you to be at the end of that aisle, waiting to meet me. Anything else is–icing on the cake.”

“Duly noted,” he says cryptically, looking away while sipping on his drink.

You keep eyeing him questioningly. “Will you also be taking notes while we’re at Mayumi’s wedding next month?”

He shrugged his shoulders noncommittally. “Hmm. I might.” You smiled softly while shaking your head.

After a moment, you stop and stare at him quietly again until he senses your eyes boring holes into him. “Can I help you with something, miss?” He gave you a cocky, flirtatious smile.

You tilted your head to the side, eyes squinting. “Are you real?” You ask softly.

With a chuckle, he picks up your hand and presses it to his chest. You feel his steady heartbeat against your palm. “I am.”

Your cheeks start to hurt from smiling. “Can you kiss me? Please?” Your tone is soft and affectionate.

Without hesitation, he does. 

He kissed you as if you were the best thing he’s ever tasted. A taste that he constantly craved and was helplessly addicted to. You lived for it.

“I love you,” he utters, nuzzling his nose to yours.

“I love you, too.”

You knew that you were right where you belonged.

******

You dared anyone to come up with a more awe-inspiring sight than Jeon Jungkook taking a shower.

It amazed you that he could be so matter-of-fact about running his hands over those perfectly defined slabs of muscle. Through the misted glass of his–now also your–bathroom shower. 

After over a year into dating, moving in with him was, as you both had said before, all but a foregone conclusion.

It started off with a toothbrush, followed by a hair dryer. A few pairs of underwear–only because he conveniently hid them from you a few times after you spent the night. Next thing you knew, you had your own drawer which eventually led to one whole dedicated side of his walk-in closet.

You even got used to the mattress that he kept on the living room floor and the bedroom. You found them odd at first. He reasoned that he kept it for convenience—so he could fall asleep wherever he wanted. You came around after he fucked you good on both of them. It was definitely convenient, alright.

You watched the rivulets of soapy water run down the ridges of his abdomen, flowing to the length of his legs.

Reaching out, his hand swipes at the condensation a few times, revealing his face and breaking your reverie. His brow arched in curiosity.

“What? I can’t enjoy the show?” Your tone was playful. The scent of his body wash mixing with the steam that was filling the bathroom, teased your senses and stirred your body into delirium.

You licked your lips, stifling a moan when he casually stroked the length of his cock.

“It’s an interactive show,” he said, his eyes warm with amusement. “Want to join me?”

“You’re such a fiend,” you laughed. In reality, your thighs were still slick with traces of his cum beneath your robe, since you were lucky enough to wake up to his desire.

“Only for you.”

“Ding! Right answer, Dr. Jeon.”

He smirked. “I deserve a prize.”

You moved away from the threshold and stepped closer. “What would you suggest?”

“Whatever you like.” He answered with a devilish lilt to his voice. That, in itself, was a prize for you, too.

Tempting as it was, you knew that he was scrubbing in for a big procedure today and that the chief of surgery was expected to attend at the gallery. “I don’t think we’ll have enough time to give you what you deserve, baby. And I’d hate to cut things short when they’re just starting to get interesting.”

You set your left hand on the glass. The ring on your finger clinked against the surface. “Maybe we can revisit after your shift tonight? You, me…and whatever I want to do to you?”

He shifted in the stall, faced you head-on, pulling the shower door open. His heated gaze slid so intensely over your face–you practically felt it. His features hardly gave away what he was thinking. But his eyes…they revealed tenderness, vulnerability, and love.

“I’m all yours,” he said so quietly, you saw them more than heard them.

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Yes,” you agreed. “You are.”#

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[seraphiism]

𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐒𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄, 𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐘

( didn't i say i wouldn't leave you here alone? didn't i say i'd come after you , hand over hand , fist over fist INTO THE ROT OF THE BLACK EARTH , INTO THE LABYRINTH? )

chara : aki hayakawa fandom : chainsaw man quote cr : mabel podcast

i. DEATH IS NOT WHAT BINDS YOU AND I

calamity runs amidst the blood of gaia, sinews and roots grotesque with the horrors and innocence of devil and human alike. in a world filled with deprivation and fear, you have chosen the worst ending for yourself, and one day you will come to terms with that.

a devil hunter knows little of joy and happiness, days filled with a brewing dread : quiet, lurking, unable to be ignored in the chaos. it lingers, seeps into your mind when you try to visit the dreamscape and only relive tragedy after tragedy. you do not call yourself a hero by any means, though your heart has good intentions of making the world a safer place for those deserving.

to be a devil hunter is to let go of your humanity before you lose it ; to be a devil hunter is to let go of those you care for, and to know that everyone around you will eventually wither and disappear. ( you will feel it all : the warmth on your skin from the bloodshed, the stinging in your eyes from the tears you will spill. you will feel it too much, over and over again. )

you have chosen the worst ending for yourself, haven’t you?

a blithe smile crosses your lips, but aki does not see it in the darkness. he stirs restlessly next to you, wonders what you are thinking. he does not ask. instead, he pulls you closer, shuts his eyes in the comfort of your bodies pressed against each other.

he does not ask, but he feels your smile against his skin.

( you have chosen the worst ending for yourself. it will not be peaceful, but it will be worth it. )

ii. BUT IT IS LOVE, AFTER ALL, THAT INTERTWINES US

there are times where aki wants to run away. there are times where he looks at you, the sunlight glowing on your features, and thinks to tell you that you should both pack your bags, run away, live a life that is free from impending doom. it would be so much easier, wouldn’t it? to wake each morning and know that you would not be throwing yourselves into the jaws of death.

he does not know if it would be selfish or cowardly. he thinks he is afraid of the answer, so he tells himself to be realistic and disregards such fantasies.

there is not a path to happiness in his life. not in this one, at least, but that doesn’t mean he must be a stranger to it.

wordlessly, he wraps his arms around your waist, buries his face in your shoulder as he hugs you from behind. it is quiet. you know what he is thinking of. you think of it, too.

you tilt your head back ever so slightly, inhale and exhale deeply, slowly. your hands linger on his arms, find reassurance in knowing that your lover is holding you in a world that frightens you both. this moment could be over in an instance, could never be relived ever again.

this world frightens you so dearly, but you keep on living anyway.

“stay with me, please.”

his lips against your skin, a ghost of his presence left on your soul. you move your hands, place them over his gingerly in a quiet promise you both know you cannot keep.

“i’ll try, aki.” and you will. you will for as long as the devils allow you to. “for you, i’ll try.”

[dumdaradumdaradum]

Green leaves, white flowers on a small shivling looked heavenly, vasuki had slowly acquired the same color after collecting moisture and rust over years. She lit a diya in front of it.

Take me.

Y/n remembered the time she went to her kuldevi with all the elderly women, just before her fate was sealed she had wished for a decent husband and marital bliss.

She recalled she had uttered, "Please give me peace or take me.. don't let me rot in misery, mother.."

Now two years later and a difference as wide as Godavari between her and Ram, she wanted to let go.

He used to have the softest look for her. He used to whisper sweet nothings to her, he used to look at her.

Nausea reared its head. Quickly brushing away the bitter memories, Y/n focused on her prayers.

"Aree Y/n!"

Those hardened in dust and sun bare feet stopped in dread. The voice was sweet and so was the woman who called her.

"Haan didi?"

Adjusting the pallu on her head, Y/n tried to hide her face, shield herself from the world. Her pain was hers, no one else was allowed to see it.

"It's been so long since you came over, make time for us na!"

Her shoulders came in, she wished to curl up, to be left alone. Resentment coursed through her- for herself, after complaining and  crying about her loneliness she still wished to be alone.

A delicate slender finger touched her chin, "what got you so busy ha? Make some time for yourself, acha chlo not for yourself  but for me?"

Her skin felt sultry, the dark undereyes spoke volumes. Y/n knew her neighbor had seen through her.

Those alta clad hands held her arm with a sister-like tenderness, even though she was smiling, worry was visible.

Y/n held her breath, steeled her heart and smiled. "Soon didi, I'll come over soon."

Murmuring empty promises Y/n turned on her heels and got away as fast as she could.

"Itni sakari galiyaan," She panted. Her eyes briefly took in the mud and bricks of the walls. Sun was unrelenting. Even under the shade of taller homes it was hot. Sweat broke out and flowed between her hair like ravines.

The only thing that kept her from breaking into a sprint was the thaal in her hands.

Y/n rapped the iron hook against the wooden door, "Suniye!"

Readjusting thin cotton saree covering her head, she knocked again and again till the door opened.

She was greeted by no one.

Her husband was already taking long steps back into his room.

Y/n stretched a hand out to call him. To stop him. To tell him to atleast take prasad.

But then, sudden anger took over and shoved her love under layers of hurt. Awarding him the same dismissal she was being treated with, Y/n kept the plate on a table and went to cook lunch.

The glass bangles created a melody each time she rolled out a roti. In a trance like state, unaware of everything she went through the motions till there was no more flour left to make into chapatis.

Heaviness settled and made a snug home in her heart. The mehendi on her palms was fading and so was her soul.

Who was she anymore? She didn't recognize the unhealthy, sickly looking woman  that stared back as her reflection.

"Y/n!"

It didn't take a split second for her to turn to him, and she hated it. She hated how the hopes that lit up everytime he said her name were blown away, leaving her in nothingness.

"I'm going out."

Her eyes followed him from the room to the door. She wished for him to look her way.

Y/n looked on. She waited for him to give her hope, give her one small insignificant  glance. One spare glimpse to give her some delusion. One- one hope.

She wasn't really surprised when she got none. He didn't look, not even once.

She had washed his clothes for him, sobbed over his welfare as she scrubbed away dried blood from his shirt.

Who had cook for him? Tended to his wounds? Listened to his blubbering when he was delirious and sick? Vowed to be by his side for next seven births?

Her. She had.

And he had promised the same.

He vowed to be by her side, forever.

She had been lied to. Tears of desperation and loneliness spilled over, she stood there shoulders hunched forward as she sobbed.

All the energy had left her. Helplessly her hands wiped the tears.

Y/n tried to breathe, rein in her emotions. Her heart couldn't take anymore, even after being orphaned in a skirmish she hadn't felt this broken.

Broken. Empty. Well and truly alone in the vast universe was how she felt.

She had nowhere to go. This house wasn't hers. Her family home won't take her in anymore.

The grief, the loss was unbearable. Y/n collapsed on floor, she smacked her forehead. Loud devasted sobs broke free.

Cursing her fate, she clutched her head. She had no place in this world.

Her family's job was done. Her husband might as well have said he was abandoning her.

She wished she still had her mother. If nothing she'd have a lap to cry in, a shoulder to brace herself on.

Frantic hands wiped her face, don't cry she told herself. Don't cry.

A strong shaky voice tried to affirm her heart.

Be strong.

For how much longer, her patience was giving away. She was left with nothing and she was left with nothing to live for.

She belonged nowhere.

Even the wilted flowers had the support till the last petal flew away, then why was she left alone.

It was unbelievable how badly she searched for a hope. Agony hit her like a hurricane, was this how she was destined to wile away, for the rest of her miserable life.

How was she going to live like this? How?

If you're reading this sorry.. I just wanted to get this out of my system. I'm not tagging anyone in this except @rishi-sita .. she might like it cos she a hoe for angst lmao. Sorry again.

[dameronology]

it's no use, i just do {bucky barnes}

'if i just wanted someone to hold, then really anyone would do/i'd close my eyes and really try not to turn them into you, but it's no use, i just love you' - no use i just do, hayley williams

(a.k.a: the one where bucky needs a hug, but specifically from you)

eugh more bucky stuff from my drafts? yes. i think so. truth be told, I started writing this like 3 months ago (whenever flowers for vases came out) but it's been sat collecting dust. enjoy :-)

- jazz xx

p.s this is spoiler free!

The nights were always hardest for Bucky Barnes.

The dark always reminded him of the furthest corners of his mind; the ones holding his worst memories, skeletons collecting dust, rotting away until he forgot about them completely or forced them out with intensive therapy. Both were options that he was completely dreading - so he forced them down, forced them to the back and did everything within his power to ignore. It was easy enough during the day, when he was surrounded by his friends, occupied by work and the buzz of New York City.

Then the sun went away, and with the rising of the moon came the echoes and ghosts of Winter Soldier's past. Thanks to the likes of Netflix and YouTube, the modern world was filled with enough things to distract Bucky from the grips of his own mind. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.

And tonight was one of the nights where it didn't. Every time he shut his eyes - squeezed them shut and gripped onto his thin blankets like a flimsy anchor to the present - he got flashbacks. Reminders of the things he'd done and the people he'd hurt. They always had the same look in their eyes, whenever they flashed into his mind. He couldn't see it then, but now he could feel again, he knew it was fear. The same look he had in his eyes every time he was clamped into a chair and forced to have the last remaining ounce of his humanity wiped.

Bucky's hold-ups about his feelings for you seemed almost comical compared to the problems he dealt with then. But he could feel more now, which meant his brain was so hyperaware of every little thing he felt for you; love, attachment, fear. All things that were enough to send him into a spiral, even if the feeling of your arms around him and lips meshed against his was the first reminder of his humanity since nineteen-forty-fucking-five.

Distance had felt like the answer. Cutting you out completely and acting like he hadn't fallen into your bed every night for six months seeking comfort. It was kind of a dick move, but it was one you understood. Actually, no, it wasn't, because you didn't understand a single thing the man ever fucking did. That's probably why you'd let him go so easily - people came and went. Maybe he was just supposed to be the latter.

How was it going, you ask? Given that Bucky had elbowed his way into your apartment complex at 3AM and was pacing outside your front door - pretty fucking terribly. Normally, he wasn't that bad at resisting the urge to seek you out, but tonight had been hard. Too hard. His hands were still shaking, shirt still sticking to his back with sweat. The nightmares had been...visual, to say the least. He felt like a monster, and you were the only person he trusted enough to convince him otherwise.

"Hey, dumbass. I have a Ring doorbell - what the fuck are you doing out there?"

Bucky jumped at the sound of your voice. Technology: 1. Barnes: 0.

The front door swung open, revealing a tired-looking you. Your hair was pushed back off your face, large nightshirt swamping your body. He knew you got mad when your beauty sleep was interrupted, but you got even madder when he suffered in silence.

"I..." Bucky trailed off.

"Nightmares. I know." You stepped aside. "Come in."

You didn't push any further, or berate him for his radio silence over the last few weeks. He was grateful for that. You were the only person who didn't ask so many questions all the time. Bucky didn't mind talking, but recounting his entire life story to Sam Wilson whilst they drove to Walmart wasn't his idea of fun.

Your apartment still felt homier than his. The walls were covered in photos of you and your friends and family, and shitty little drawings done by your various, younger relatives. Your fridge had postcards and letters hung on it, and there was clutter all over the kitchen counter. The thousands of pillows piled high on your sofa were practically a safe haven. There was a soft scent of vanilla hanging in the air from all your little diffusers, making him smile slightly.

"You got new curtains?" Bucky helplessly pointed to your window.

"How very observant of you." You placed a hand on his arm as you brushed past him. "What's going on, Buck?"

"With my life, or just tonight?"

"I don't think we have time for the first one." You fell onto the sofa. "Sit."

He took a seat beside you; not on you, but close enough so that your knees were touching. "Every time I close my eyes, I remember."

"That wasn't you." You gently reminded him, reaching out to push his hair back. "Not then and not now."

"I still did it though." He held his hands out in front of him. "These are the hands that killed innocent people. This is the brain that felt no empathy or remorse."

"No." You firmly said. "Those are the hands that fought in Wakanda, for the good fight. This is the brain that comes up with the worst jokes I've ever heard and regularly forgets to buy toilet roll."

His blue eyes wavered from the floor, capturing your gaze. He suddenly fell back against you, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head in your chest. Everybody else went out their way to make him seem like a monster or a saint - but you? You just made him seem like a human. There wasn't a single perfect one of those. Steve Rogers probably came close, but he was a fucking terrible driver.

"I..." Bucky trailed off. He knew what he wanted to say. Just didn't have the courage to verbalise it. "I appreciate you."

"I know." You murmured, carding a hand through his hair.

Bucky had gone to therapy. He'd taken up exercise (and boxercise and jazzercise) and yoga. He'd tried those stupid fucking cleansing smoothies that his neighbour had sold him - at the time, he had yet been introduced to the idea of multilevel marketing schemes - and gone to meditation classes. None of it worked. Not for a single second.

Then you came in the picture, and he began to see colour etched into the edges of an otherwise black and white world. Where there had been nightmares and flashbacks, he'd found a peaceful night's sleep and pleasant dreams (normally of you, truth be told). The simplicity of it was what made it so complex - because he didn't understand it. Couldn't get his head around the fact that you actually, genuinely wanted to help him.

And he knew it wasn't just your touch or the softness of your skin against his. He'd tried it - sleeping with strangers and staying around the morning after to cuddle. Anything to find human contact with the emotion and the commitment; the very two components that were the secret ingredients to the two of you working so fucking nicely.

"Thank you." Bucky murmured.

"For what?"

"For just..." He glanced up at you, blue eyes holding an emotion you couldn't quite place, "treating me like everyone else. Like a normal person."

"You are a normal person." You softly smiled. "Maybe with a little more baggage, but to the right person, that won't matter."

"Does it matter to you?"

"That's a trap." You thinned your eyes at him. "But no, it doesn't."

He tightened his grip on you, the fear and anxiety draining from his soul. He knew now more than ever that the comfort didn't come from the way he was being held, or the way he was being spoken to. It was who was holding him, and who was speaking to him. You came out on top, every time.

That was why it worked.

It was you. And there was nothing he could do about it.

[bucksangel]

A Love That Lasts

a/n: this is a REPOST from my old account @losaslut​ since i’m deleting that blog i’m reposting it here

Pairing: Hank Loza x Reader (non descript reader but if i missed anything please let me know)

Inspo came from this post by @withmyteeth 💕💕

Warnings: none except for tooth rotting fluff and so much love it’ll kill you

Word Count: 2.8k

Moodboard made by me

It’s nearing two in the afternoon, you’ve been cleaning and re-cleaning for about three hours now to distract you from the fact that Hank got called to go to the clubhouse. “It’s an emergency” is all he told you. Never mind that today is your anniversary, you’re more upset because it’s Saturday, a day both you and Hank agreed that nothing would get in the way of your time together. But, you understand, you’re always understanding. If the club needs him, then he’s there. But as understanding as you are it still doesn’t take away the ache in your chest from not having your boyfriend home with you.

Hence why you’re cleaning. It acts as a good enough distraction but you’re quickly derailed from your tasks by Bishop calling you, and concern is all you feel now. With the ‘emergency’ that’s happening at the clubhouse, your thoughts are spiraling, but the one at the front of your mind is that Hank is hurt, he must be.

You’re quick to answer the phone, fingers shaking and your heart pounding. “Is Hank okay?” You ask, demand really. You’re already shoving your shoes on before Bishop even speaks.

“You should get to the clubhouse, sweetheart.” Bishop’s voice is calm, almost melancholy, and you’re pushed into even more of a worry when the call cuts out.

You can’t help the tears that pool beneath your eyes, nor the shakiness of your hands as you fumble with the keys. Nor can you help the absolute dread in your heart at the thought that Hank could be hurt. He can’t be, your brain tells you, he can’t do this to you, not today. So, you rush out of the house, shoes untied, and make the ten minute drive to the clubhouse. Those ten minutes feel like ten hours, every red light only serving to aggravate you further, but it gives you time to think. Think, really, is not the right word. Worry is more like it. You spend those ten minutes worrying yourself into a panic, preparing for the what if’s.

And when you do finally make it to the clubhouse, you barely have the car parked before you’re tripping over yourself to run up the stairs and slam open the doors, searching frantically for Hank. You don’t find him though, in fact, no one is in the clubhouse. And if you weren’t in such a rush to get to your boyfriend you’d realize that none of the guys’ bikes are out front either. Looking around the room, your confusion triples. Hanging along the walls are fairy lights, meeting in the middle of the roofing to create a canopy that surrounds the lone table in the middle of the room. The lights have been dimmed, a single candle along with two plates of what you assume is Hank’s cooking (you’d recognize the smell anywhere) and an empty vase sit on the table.

You don’t have much time to figure what this could all be about before Hank comes out from the back, stepping into the light and wearing clothes he definitely did not leave the house in. He’s in his nicest pair of jeans (the only ones without grease stains), a simple black button up with the sleeves pushed to his elbows (swoon), and most notably: he’s not wearing his kutte. Now, you’re more amused than anything. It’s clear this must have been a set up, that Hank must have faked the emergency to set all of this up. For what, you’re unsure of. You could be pissed that he lied to you, pissed that he put you through the worry, and you are, sort of. Yes you’re mad that he tricked you, but you’re more in awe over the fact that he put this together for you, like something from a fairytale.

Hank is the first to step towards you, one arm is behind his back while the other reaches out to you. He takes slow and deliberate steps, and you take only one towards him before his hand grasps yours and you’re pulled into his chest, his arm wrapping around you. During this hug you recognize two things. One being that his heart is beating at a rapid pace, it thumps in his chest where your cheek lies. Two being that, with the way your arms are wrapped around his waist, you can feel flower stems. Now, it should be said that you’re not the most intuitive, but you’re starting to suspect this has to do with something bigger than just an anniversary date.

Before you know it, Hank has placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head and pulled back to really look at you. You’re starting to feel underdressed in just shorts and one of Hank’s shirts tucked into it, but with the way your man is looking at you, you can’t help but feel like the most beautiful person in the world. Your arms travel from his back to smooth over his sides and run up his chest, one hand placed behind his neck and the other one fiddling with the top two buttons of his shirt that are undone.

And you smile, you’re smiling so wide it hurts but you don’t care, all you care about is how Hank is staring at you. So much adoration pouring out of him that it makes you want to cry (but you’re using all your willpower to not, you’re going to save your tears for the end of the night). When Hank pulls the flowers from behind his back, four light pink roses (one for every year you’ve been together), you laugh. You’re not sure what else to do honestly, you’re filled with so much happiness and love for your man that it bursts out of you in a laugh that Hank swears is the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Baby-” You’re cut off by Hank kissing you, not too deep, not what some would call passionate, but a soft and slow kiss that lets you know that he’s here, he loves you and he wants you to know it. When he pulls back, your head is spinning for a different reason, spinning with love and thoughts of wanting this to last forever, until the end of time. “What’s all this about?” You breathe out, the wind almost knocked out of you while your brain tries to catch up to the situation.

Hank’s smile widens, and he lets go of you so he can walk over to the table and place the roses in the vase. Turning back to you, he extends his arm again, and once you’re close he lifts your hands up and presses a kiss to your knuckles. And once again, you’re swooning, heart so filled with something you’re sure is greater than love. “You didn’t think I would actually leave you alone on our anniversary, did you?” Hank chuckles softly, kissing your hands again before stepping to the side and pulling out a chair for you to sit in.

“How long did it take you to put this up?” You ask, looking around at the beauty that surrounds you, still in awe of it all.

“Well,” Hank chuckles again, “It was supposed to take an hour at most, but you know how the guys are with getting distracted.” Both of you laugh at this, because it’s true. You wouldn’t doubt that Angel and Coco were probably causing more of a mess than actually helping. Hank sits next to you, and takes your hand in his again. “But I will admit, this has been a few weeks of planning.”

Four years together and Hank still knows how to take your breath away, he still manages to surprise you in everything he does. But you don’t get a chance to speak before he’s pushing your plate closer to you (not his BBQ for once, but an alfredo pasta dish that you’re starting to recognize as the same dish he cooked a few weeks ago, and then again last week (probably preparing and perfecting the recipe)). So, you don’t say anything, you both dig into dinner while throwing glances at each other like teenagers going on their first date, and it’s perfect.

Dessert comes next, Hank goes to the back again and reemerges holding a pie that he definitely made himself (he’ll deny it if you tell anyone, but he does happen to be a pretty solid baker). Through dessert, you’re talking softly about anything and everything. You’re both just happy to be close and together that you don’t bother with any heavy topics. At one point, Hank makes you laugh so hard you throw your head back and snort (something that’s never happened before you met your boyfriend (because that’s how happy he makes you, so unable to control your reactions)).

And when you look up at him, ready to tell him about your adventures yesterday while visiting your mother yesterday, your voice cuts off. Hank is moving towards the bar where, how did you not notice it, a stereo rests. He’s quick to press a few buttons and a soft tune fills the air. It must be something from a symphony, with how melodic and peaceful it is. He returns to your side to pull you from your chair, and you don’t even have time to think when suddenly Hank twirls you around and pulls you into his chest. And the next thing you know, you’re being twirled all around the room, Hank’s hand covering your hand that rests on his chest and his other arm wrapped around your waist.

You’re giggling almost the entire time, both of you gazing into each other’s eyes and smiles so soft that if anyone were to see you, they’d probably be sick with how in love you two are. The songs flow into each other, and you dance for what feels like hours (realistically it’s probably been twenty minutes), no words spoken besides whispering I love you’s periodically. When the songs finally end and you’re both dizzy from the spins and the dips, you both step back from each other and again, the clubhouse is silent. It’s not an eerie kind of silence, but a pleasant one. Being with Hank has taught you that you don’t always need to talk to be able to understand what someone’s feeling. And what you’re feeling right now is an emotion so overwhelming, you do cry. You’re not sobbing, just letting out a few tears from the happiness that flows through your blood.

Hank wipes away your tears, presses a kiss to each cheek, and whisks you away to the back porch where, again, you’re caught off guard by the sheer beauty of it all. More lights are strung up on various boxes and around chairs. The fire pit is lit and the flames dance upwards, filling the space with light and warmth. It’s not until you turn around that you notice blankets and pillows piled together to create a make-shift bed. In front of the set up is the side of the clubhouse, empty. Your thoughts as to what this could be about are answered as Hank steps away from you to turn on a projector that’s sitting on top of a crate, a laptop next to it. You watch as he fiddles with the machines and when you turn back, the projector comes to life, casting light to the otherwise blank wall. When the opening credits of Little Women start playing (because let’s be real, it’s a cinematic masterpiece and the scene with Jo in the attic makes you cry every single time) you don’t bother to wait for your boyfriend while you rush to the pile of blankets (and wow does it feel like you’re on a cloud).

If you could see Hank, you’d see the nervousness plain as day etched into his face, you’d see how his hands shake ever so slightly, you’d see how he gazes at you with a love that even he can’t quite wrap his head around. But soon enough, he joins you in your own little paradise. He wraps you in his arms and lays you against his chest and kisses your head, and you know. You know that this is what heaven feels like. Laying in your man’s arms, feeling his feather-light kisses placed anywhere he can reach, feeling his love radiating off of him and getting absorbed by your mind, body, and soul.

You’re maybe halfway through the movie when Hank shifts and reaches into his pocket (trying so very hard to be stealthy so as to not alert you to what he’s doing (he does, but you don’t say anything)). When you’re both finally settled and the movie continues on, you don’t even realize Hank is fiddling with your fingers, nor do you realize the sudden cool metal that slipped onto your ring finger. It’s not until a whopping eight minutes later (Hank was counting) that he pulls your hand up to his lips and places a delicate kiss onto your knuckles. You turn in his arms, leaning your head back and using the hand that he was holding to rest on his cheek, and pull him down to meet your lips.

The kiss is soft and slow, like you’ve got all the time in the world to just sit here and relish in each other’s love. You move to deepen the kiss and then all of a sudden Hank’s pulling back, grabbing your left hand again, and placing another soft kiss to your knuckles. Only then do you realize why he’d been so focused on your hands, specifically your left one. Because on it rests the most beautiful ring you’ve ever seen. Small diamonds line a gold band, with a slightly larger diamond in the middle. It’s simple, and with the lights all around you it glimmers with every twist of your hand.

You’re too stunned to speak, too in love with Hank to express how your heart is ripping apart and is being replaced by everything him. You’re staring at the ring, mouth open and tears now heavily pouring down your cheeks. And when you finally get your wits about you, you scramble to turn and face Hank, straddling him and placing both hands on his face, eyes searching desperately to find any sense of humor, any sign that he’s joking.

But you don’t find any of that. You find tears gathering in his eyes as he leans you forward to press your forehead against his. His voice is soft, almost afraid to speak too loud and ruin the moment. “Amor,” He stops, taking a deep breath before speaking again, “You’re my everything, my heart and soul, you’re the courage I need to take on anything and everything. You’re…” He pauses again, and a stray tear falls out of his left eye. He pulls you back a fraction so he can stare deep into your eyes, one hand holding your waist and the other takes your hands from his face so he can kiss them once again. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. And I hope you keep happening to me for the rest of our lives. I’m pleading, make me the happiest man in the world and say you’ll marry me.”

Hank barely gets out the last word as you smash your lips to his, it’s a little messy, and you do miss his lips at first, but it’s perfect. You’re unable to sustain the kiss for long with how heavy you’re breathing, so instead, you peck his lips once, twice, and then one more time. And then you’re pulling back, and Hank will swear to the end of his days that you’re glowing, shining so bright as you stare at him, and he wants to make you feel like this always. He wants to make you so happy, he wants you to feel the love that he feels, the love that has consumed his entire being.

“Ask me,” You breathe out, lips curved up and shaking from the sob that’s threatening to burst. Hank looks confused at first, so you continue, “You have to ask me first, then I can say yes.”

Hank laughs, he tilts his head back to rest against the pillow behind him and looks up at you with the softest smile to ever grace his beautiful face. “I guess you’re right. So, will you marry me?” And this time, you laugh.

You’re giggling from the sheer happiness of it all, so much that you’re barely able to get out your answer, “Of course I will, handsome.”

The movie’s ended, but you and Hank are still lying wrapped in each other’s arms, content to spend the rest of your lives like this. And you’re hoping with everything in you that this love doesn’t fade, that you’ll be this happy and this in love when you’re both old and gray. But you also know that it won’t. The love you feel could never fade even if you wanted it to (and by the grace of god, you’ll never want to stop loving him).

And while you’re there, in your slice of heaven, you’re already planning the wedding in your head, too excited to become a Loza.

[dabilove27]

How Far We've Come

Paring: Dabi x Fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ only)

Warnings: Angst, Character Death, Smut (female-receiving oral), A Cocky Dabi, Cussing, A lot of Pet Names

Word Count: 7.8K

A/N: This is my contribution to the Smut Pile Apocalypse Collab! If you have the time check out some of the other amazing pieces! Everyone has worked so hard to make some beautiful fics!

Thank you so much to my wife @lady-lunaaa for reading, encouraging, brainstorming, and helping me the whole way from start to finish. I have said it before but I will say it again. You are absolutely amazing and this fic wouldn't exist without you! 💜 Also thank you @/deathcab4daddy (not sure if you want to be tagged) for taking the time to read through and for your advice!

You've seen all those movies, the decaying zombie hoards, the massive explosions that wipe out nations, or an unexpected illness that mysteriously kills off the population. But you had never really expected for any of those apocalyptic things to become true in your own world.  They were just fiction, never something that could actually occur. Yet here you are faced with the reality of a hoard of rotting zombies. Like you have been thrown into one of the many movies or TV shows yourself.

People aren't even sure how it happened, especially in a world full of quirks where this should be somewhat controlled, right? Wrong, whatever caused this zombie apocalypse also seemed to nullify quirks over time. There was so much speculation whether it came into the water supply or passed through the air. But none of that really seems to matter anymore when you are fighting for your life every day.

And as the mass of decaying, walking corpses steps closer and closer to you, it seems like your end is near too. The smell of organs exposed to the air and sun stink up the room.  You can see the blank, milky white eyes of the undead that somehow can still find you even though they can't really see.  You've had a partner, at least—the man who has stood with you during this entire shit show.

He stands close to you, a single rusted knife covered in stagnant blood, not nearly enough even combined with whatever you could find for fighting off the seemingly endless mindless bodies coming your way. He's covered in burn scars and rusted staples that pull at his healthy skin. People used to jab at him for looking like the walking dead before all this went down.  His firepower from before would have solved this problem in an instant. This rotting mob wouldn't have stood a chance.

But instead, it looks like it's the conclusion for the two of you. Memories flash through your mind. A memory of escaping the daily struggle of your mundane life by sharing take-out on your old couch.  Or how his kisses always felt like burning flames against your lips.  Your regular life consisted of trying to numb the pain of the past with alcohol or working endless hours.  Even though you didn’t have a traditional relationship where you could go on public dates, being in a relationship with a well-known villain was worlds better than this. But if you were going to die, at least it was together. Solidarity in times like this seems to help the never-ending dread that the Reaper looming around every corner ready to take you.  Every moment in this new hell had you wished you had more time to develop your romance with him instead of the tragedy that was about to befall you. You wished you had more time with this romance and that it wouldn't end in tragedy. It's hard to believe that there was ever a time when you couldn't stand this man, but even now, that's a fond memory for you.  You would give anything to return to that old bar where the two of you met and relive all of these memories.

It really isn't a surprise that you met Dabi in a dark, run-down bar near Kamino.  No, not the "bar" run by Kurogiri; everyone who lived in this area knew that it was just a setup. This bar is a tiny little hole in the wall with paint chipping off the walls and where the seats were hardly held together anymore, but that didn't really matter to people who lived in this area. You didn't come to this bar for a luxury experience.

The main reason people came to this bar was its location.  It sat deep in a seedy area which meant no police patrolling nearby so you wouldn’t need to look over your shoulder constantly.  Plus, the cheap liquor was enticing enough.

Every Friday night, you were perched on one of the worn-out bar stools as you nursed your gin and tonic.  This was your place to unwind after another hellish week of your mundane job.  It was still early enough in the evening that the bar wasn't thoroughly packed with bodies trying to get their drink.  The music was still soft,  later it would blare whatever song was currently sitting at the top of the Billboard charts. You were able to turn your brain off and listen to other patrons' mindless chatter in the background.  You could just sip your drink, maybe take a shot or two if you felt like, and then head home to pass out.

You relished this little getaway, an oasis in the slums that made up your small world.  The bartender and regular patrons didn't bother you, so you could have your own peace.  But your Eden got interrupted by a cocky, fire-wielding asshole who had set his sights on you.

You didn't stir when said asshole plopped himself down in the barstool next to you with a thump.  It wasn't until the jerk actually spoke to you that you were brought out of your mindless daydreaming.

"Hey, pretty girl, what are you doing in a place like this?"  He said with a smooth tone.  You didn't even have to look at him to know he had an arrogant smirk plastered on his face.

Who the fuck does this asshole think he is? The irritated thought instantly pops into your head.  Anyone who frequented this bar knew you were from around here.  You weren't some soft, delicate flower that wasn't supposed to be "on this side of town."  Preparing yourself by putting on your best "I'm not interested face," you maneuvered your body to face him, ready to tell him off.

Your words caught in your throat as your eyes met his two endless pools of cerulean.  Your gaze shifted to take in the burnt skin clinging onto the shining staples that were rooted in his healthy skin. A familiar black coat spread across his frame that was even more recognizable than those eyes, and the patronizing smile that you wanted to slap off his face. As much as you wanted to throw up your middle finger at him and tell him off, you knew who this was. Hell, everyone knew who this was.

The League of Villains didn't necessarily keep quiet around here. They didn't have to. This is the area where they recruited people to join them. You didn't just flick off and ignore a LOV member. Especially the infamous Dabi, who wasn't really known for his kindness or compassion. More for his ability to burn anyone who defied The League to a crumbling crisp.

But still, who did this asshole think he is? Waltzing in here like he owned it and saddling down into your escape from the world only to tell you that you don't look like you should be here?  Fuck that nonsense, League member or not.

You swallow down a bit of the initial anger as your eyes narrow into a glare at the cocky asshole.  "Thanks but no thanks, I'm not interested in being involved with the League. So if you don't mind going somewhere else to scout, that would be great." You try to say without a tremble in your voice as you wave your hand in a "shoo" motion.

You aren't sure what you expect Dabi to do next., burn down the whole bar you included? Tell you that you have no choice but to join, and you're coming with him? Rip you out of your seat and reprimand you for disrespecting The League? But instead, none of those things happen.  Instead, he does something you don't expect, and his grin grows a little wider as the staples begin to pull more at his healthy flesh.

You can feel your anxiety rising. Get out, get out, get out, this asshole will kill you, leave NOW, your mind is practically sending off every warning signal it can.

Your chest tightens when Dabi lets out a low chuckle. "Oh no, sweetheart, you've got it all wrong."  He says with a dark tone. "I'm not recruiting you for work. My interest in you is personal."  Dabi points at you and then at himself and finishes with an infuriating smirk that seems to be mocking you.  He's moved his hand and placed it on your forearm that was resting on the smooth bar top.

A shiver runs through you as the mismatched textures of his skin and the cool metal of the staples.  You feel your anger bubbling up again.  How dare this jerk think that you will just fall for him like a desperate fangirl.  You are livid at this point, frustration coursing through your veins, fuck the niceties and preservation. He needed to be put in his place.

"I know you think you are some big shot because The League is doing so well right now but fuck off asshole.  I'm not a League groupie that will just kneel down and suck your dick just because you want it." You spit out at him while shrugging off his hand and moving your body to face the way you were initially sitting. Grasping your drink and lifting it to your lips, you try and down what was left so you could leave immediately, any extra moment around Dabi was a moment you didn't want to have.

You were sure Dabi would have given up or at least killed you by now. You can't imagine that he is used to being rejected by women.  He's handsome in a way that doesn't fit with the norm.  He fills in that bad boy check-list like it's his job, which it practically is given his profession.  Again though, Dabi surprises you with his response. He doesn't yell, he doesn't use his quirk, and he doesn't kill you. He lets out another dark chuckle like he's enjoying this and continues the conversation you had tried to cut off.

"I didn't say anything about sucking dick, but if you're offering, who am I to turn down a gift?"  That smooth tone is back as he moves his hand to your hair and runs it through his fingers.

Bewilderment overcomes you, and you can't even stop yourself before you are turned towards him again, glass in your hand, ready to throw what's left of your drink on him.

As if he anticipated the response, Dabi moves quickly and grabs your wrist in a tight grip.  "Now, why would you want to waste what you have left, doll? That's not a very smart choice." His grip tightens a little more around your wrist, and you can feel the staples begin to dig into your skin as he lets out a deep chuckle. He moves your hand back down to the bar but doesn't let go even after your glass has left your hand.  "There we go, good girl.  Now let's talk just a bit." He says sweetly, loosening his grip just a bit, but not enough for you to move your hand.

If looks could kill, Dabi would have died a cruel death by now. You are seething at this point.  But instead, you're stuck there as he continues to do whatever it is that he’s trying to accomplish.  "What were you drinking?  I'll buy you another one and then leave, okay doll?"  He says playfully and with a cunning grin on his face as you mumble out your drink order.  You just want him to leave, and you really hope he plans on keeping his word.

Dabi motions for the bartender's attention, gives your drink order and plops a few bills on the bartop. He still hasn't let go of your wrist, and each and every moment he is even touching you, you can feel your annoyance continuing to build.  You want to ask him if he's done yet and will kindly get the fuck out, but you have a sneaking suspicion that he likes the cat and mouse game, which would just lengthen the amount of time he sticks around.

The bartender finally delivers your drink, and it takes everything in you not to rip your wrist out of his grasp and grab the new glass to pour over Dabi's head.  "Okay, one last question, and then I'll leave."  He drawls out as you put all your focus into the condensation forming on your glass.  You stay silent, waiting for his stupid question so you can move on and never see him again.  Dabi continues with that condesending tone that is starting to cause your head to ache, "How often do you come here? I'd love to see you again."

Your heartbeat picks up, and little shots of adrenaline start to flow through you as you contemplate how to respond. Of course, you don't want this asshole to know when you come here. This is your escape from the world. You never want to even see Dabi again,  but something from this interaction tells you Dabi isn't going to give up easily. So you tell him your regular time that you show up at the bar every Friday.

Dabi squeezes your wrist a little bit before letting out another "Good girl, sounds like a date.  I'll see you then." You never want him to know how those few words send a shiver down your spine. He saunters out of the bar without having a single drink himself. Patrons stare dumbfounded between you and the doorway that Dabi just exited, trying to comprehend what just happened.

You let out an exasperated sigh before leaning your head down into your folded arms.  The bar top isn't necessarily the cleanest of places to lay your head, but it’s pounding and racing with thoughts, and you can't really bring yourself to care right now.  You try to formulate a plan so you won't ever see him. You'll just move your regular day to Saturday instead of Fridays.  But then that stubborn anger flares inside of you again, and you sit up straight, glancing at your newly unwanted drink as the ice slowly melts, lifting the remaining liquid in the cup.  No, I'm not going to let that asshole ruin my spot for me.  He can come around here every Friday, but I'll turn that jerk down a million times. You think a little smugly to yourself.  We will see how the big bad Dabi feels being turned down over and over.  Maybe that will sting his ego.

And so you and Dabi play this game of cat and mouse. He comes every Friday when you are there without fail, buying you a drink, chatting to you with sentences filled with pet names, and planning another "date" each time.  And every time you tell him you aren't interested or to go away, or really anything to try and get that stupid fucking smirk off his face.  But it always remains cemented there as he watches you get fired up.  And what you don't realize is the two of you are getting to know each other.  Dabi adds in little questions, "what's your favorite food, least favorite, what do you do for work?"  And the questions go on and on.  You don't realize your walls coming down as the two of you find similarities in each other.  And if there is one thing anyone who sees these frequent interactions between the two of you can say, it is that Dabi is determined.

You are so used to Dabi's Friday visits that they don't bring headaches anymore, and you realize something more has developed when he doesn't show up one week.  A mixture of feelings rests in you, anxiety, confusion, anger.  You wonder if he's okay, or has he finally given up.  And then anger if he has.  You don't want to admit it, but you miss his company, and you don't even have a number to reach out to him.  You feel a sense of loss in your chest.  How could he just give up?  He's been trying for months!  You think as tears begin to sting for a moment in your eyes.

You leave the bar that night not feeling uplifted or relaxed but sad and angry.  And you aren't necessarily looking forward to returning the week after, but you do come back to your regular spot and hope Dabi will show.  Your heart almost stops in your chest when you see him walk through the entrance of the bar, and before you can contain the words, they tumble out in a frantic sound, "where were you last week?"  You are standing in front of him now, looking up at that little grin he always has on his face whenever you get annoyed with him.  You cross your arms over your chest and exclaim, "Well? I'm waiting."

"Aw, did you miss me, baby girl?"  His poker face never falls, but his grin grows a tiny bit wider as he stares into your fiery eyes.  And without warning, he wraps one of his long arms around you, pulling you into a tight side hug.

A small eep escapes you at the movement, and you move to push him off.  "What the hell are you doing? Answer my question, you jerk!" You practically yell as you push away from him.  He doesn't let go and just pulls you tighter to him, and you find yourself not struggling anymore as you take in the weathered texture of his coat pressed against your arm and the smell of cigarettes on him.  You feel your walls starting to fall entirely, "I was really concerned about you." You let out in a whisper, not really wanting to admit it to him, but you weren't sure how you would feel if something like this happened again.

"Aw, babe, you did miss me."  The delight in his voice makes you shiver a little.  He gestures you over to your regular spot at the bar, and the two of you sit down in the weathered chairs.  He puts a calloused finger under your chin to bring your gaze to his.  You stare into his cerulean depths that you used to hate and find yourself softening a bit.  "I had to do something for The League, but I don't have your number, love.  So I couldn't call and let you know I wouldn't make our date."  His face relaxes a bit as he watches your frown turn into a bit of pout.

"Okay, well fine, I'll give you my number.  But don't just text me randomly, okay?"  You huff as you lay your palm flat and motion for his phone.  Dabi chuckles and shakes his head before handing you the phone without another word.  Lifting the phone, you type your number into the cracked screen and hand it back to him.  "Okay, now text me, so I have yours. " You say, moving to grab your phone to wait for his upcoming text.

"Hmmm, I don't think so, doll,"  Dabi says, taking in your furrowed brow and then relishing in the way you roll your eyes at his taunting.

"Fine, whatever, Dabi.  Just text me next time you can't make it."  You say sourly while searching for the bartender to order your drink.  You don't want Dabi to see the slight sting of hurt in your eyes because he won't give you his.  The rest of the night goes as expected, drinking and talking, and you find yourself laughing more, not realizing how much you truly enjoyed this time with him.

The two of you depart with another hug, this one much shorter than the first, but you find yourself leaning into the warmth that radiates from him instead of wanting to push him off.  As you begin walking down the street home, you feel a buzz in your pocket.  Pulling out your phone, you unlock it to the message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Hey babe, see you same time next week - D

A small smile comes to your face as you type a response back.

The following year you grow in your relationship with Dabi.  There are never really any titles between the two of you.  Just that the two of you are together.  You never meet The League. Dabi is insistent you aren't involved with them in case things go awry.  But you spend a lot of time together when work or villain work doesn't take up the time.

Your relationship together comes to a head at the very start of the apocalypse.  The two of you sit snuggled together on your worn-out couch watching the news as a young reporter stands in front of a local research building in town and goes through the facts of citizens becoming "mindless and violent in a matter of hours."  And how they have people under lockdown who are experiencing symptoms of this "mysterious illness."

A slight shiver goes through you as the reporter goes on.  "That's really scary. No one knows what's causing it,"  you reflect aloud while you lean in closer into Dabi's outstretched arm that is resting around your shoulders.

"Aw, babe, don't be scared.  Those mindless fools wouldn't stand a chance if they tried to lay a hand on you while I'm there,"  Dabi says with a glint of amusement in his voice.  He always sounds so condescending, but you know it's the truth.  Remembering a time at the bar when a guy wouldn't take no for an answer-not that Dabi really followed that either- but Dabi didn't hesitate to let the guy know you were already taken.  He flirts and likes to jab a lot, but there’s a complete shift in the atmosphere when he's serious.

"Ugh, Dabi, you know I don't mean them attacking us. It's whatever is causing it that worries me. What happens if one of us gets it?  There's no cure right now,"  You say and worry your lower lip between your teeth.

Dabi picks up on your anxious state, and his cocky facade fades.  He pulls you on his lap so that you are fully facing him with legs pressed on either side of his.  Dabi holds one large hand on your waist, and the other he presses to your cheek.  Leaning your cheek further into his hand, Dabi moves his thumb to trace over the slight marks in your lip where your teeth were just placed.  "Hey, listen to me, nothing is going to happen, okay?  I won't let any of these maniacs hurt you, and we won't catch whatever they have,"  Dabi says tenderly as he gives you a small smile.

It's nice to see him like this- when his mask of superiority disappears, and he's focused on encouraging you.  It doesn't happen often because you like to keep walls.  Comfort from Dabi doesn’t need to happen often but you can’t say you don’t like it when he does.  You enjoy these softer moments with him that only you get to see.

You pull Dabi into a light kiss.  The gentle pressure of his mismatched lips fit seamlessly against yours.  You pull away after a moment to look into his deep blue eyes that now captivate you.  Dabi has that coy smile still on his face, and as his eyes meet your in that moment, it's like the horrible events of the world aren't happening anymore.  All that seems to exist is the two of you, not the TV still prattling in the background or even the noises outside your city window.

Dabi lightly caresses your cheek down to the length of your neck and finally ending near where your collarbones sit.  Everywhere he touches leaves behind a trail of goosebumps on your skin.  Even with these simple touches, you can feel yourself starting moving against him, trying to create a bit of friction.  Dabi knew how easily he could rile you up with simple touches.  It was frustrating at times, and you wished you could have the same effect on him.

"I love you, babe.  And no matter what, I won't let anything hurt you,"  Dabi tells you, and you swear his voice seems to be cracking, but the moment is gone before you can think about it.  Dabi lives on being mysterious most of the time, and you rarely get to see this vulnerable side of him.  Even if he doesn't say it behind that mask of cockiness, you can feel that there is fear of what's happening right now.  Or at least that's what you think the fear is from, but Dabi will never admit the fear is from losing you to whatever this is.  He isn't sure he could survive this hell of a life he's been given without you.

Your heart aches at his sincere words from earlier, and you whisper back, "I love you too, Dabi."  Drawing him into a more intense kiss.  Dabi begins to run his fingers along the hem of your t-shirt and delicately brushes the skin right under with his fingertips.  You feel a moan bubble up inside of you, but his mouth moving against yours swallows the sound.

"I want you so bad, doll.  Let's just forget what's going on right now, let the world fall away,"  he says in a husky voice after breaking away from the kiss.

You nod to him before letting out a content sigh and letting your eyes fall shut while Dabi continues to trace his hands over your body.  Dabi trails his massive heated hands under the thin shirt you are wearing and down to your hips.  You can feel the bulge of his cock through his jeans as it begins to press against your clothed core.

Opening your eyes, you meet Dabi's half-lidded lustful eyes and bite your bottom lip and allow yourself to give into Dabi taking over you.

You can feel your heart beating a little faster, watching Dabi drink in every ounce of you.  Dabi is one of the only men you have ever trusted like this.  To have you so totally vulnerable.  It's strange how someone you didn't want anything to do with for months has become someone you rely on for everything- love, comfort, pleasure.

Dabi places open-mouthed kisses along your neck that leave you breathless.  "Fuck, I'm obsessed with every inch of you,"  Dabi growls out before returning to kissing and sucking your neck and exposed collar bone.

You grip Dabi's shoulder to ground you back from floating away into complete bliss and tip your head out to give him more access to your neck.  Dabi's mouth is like a flame that licks at your sensitive skin as he continues to trail his mouth all over.  You could be trapped in this pleasure forever.

Dabi grasps the back of your head and roughly brings your lips back to his.  With your mouths slotted against each other, you moan as Dabi finesses you to where you are lying on your back on the old couch, and he is hovering over you.

You break the kiss to quickly pull off his jacket and expose Dabi's scarred arms.  And just as you have only trusted Dabi fully with yourself, he has done the same.  Of course, the two of you have had sex with other people, mostly with lights off clothing still left on to hide the imperfections.  But with each other, there is no more hiding.

Heat begins to pool in your belly as you watch Dabi pull off your shorts and slide his warm hands all the way back up your leg and massage the plush skin of your thighs.  Once your shorts are removed, Dabi brings himself back to your face and, with a lustful sigh, traces kisses on your jaw and neck.

"Just relax and let me take you away from all of this, love.  I want to hear every sound you make." He growls as he moves down towards your pussy and lays himself between your spread legs.  Dabi lifts your thighs to rest on his shoulder as you let out a little gasp.  You can feel the excitement and heat rising in you.

Dabi kisses down the inside of your soft thighs and stops to suck at certain spots, leaving minor marks in their place.  He stops for a moment until you are looking directly into his captivating gaze, and then he licks a stripe up your pussy over the cotton of your underwear.  You let out a breathy moan at the sensation.   That jerk knows precisely what he's doing.

Dabi then grabs the thin material of your underwear and rips them away from your body with a tear. Groaning, you are about to curse at him for ruining another pair but are cut short when he sleekly licks up your folds. A delicate, playful moan leaves your separated lips.  Your eyes close, and you cling onto his white shirt to ground yourself.

"Baby girl, you're soaking wet," Dabi teases as if you weren't aware but cuts off any retort again with a quick suck to your aching clit. You can't hold back the loud moan that bubbles up in your throat.

Dabi smiles against your lower lips and continues his ministrations.   His mouth is open wide, so he can move back and forth from quickly licking up and down your sensitive pussy as well as suck softly on your clit.   You feel light-headed at the extended sensations, little whimpers and moans falling through your lips.  Dabi has always been able to leave you speechless with just his mouth.

"Dabi please," Your breathing hitches, and you moan out as he flicks his tongue repeatedly over your small bud. You can feel that hot pressure building in your stomach as Dabi continues. He laps at you like you are holding the only source of liquid left in this world, his tongue working wonders on your dripping hole.

Dabi pulls back and looks up at you as you eagerly meet his blue eyes, begging him to continue.  He smirks before lowering his mouth back down and laps at your sopping core teasingly.  Fucking bastard.  Always a tease from day one.

Dabi licks his lips before returning to eating you out even faster as a series of cries and obscenities continue to fall out of your mouth.  You can't hold them back.  His mouth is so hot and wet against your core.

With another curse, you tell him you are close. A sigh escapes your lips, and your head tosses back onto the cushy arm of the couch.  Dabi pulls away but inserts two fingers inside of you in place of his mouth.

"Fuck, sweetheart, as much as I want to hear you beg and plead for me,  I want to taste you right now."  Dabi lets out with a rough voice filled with desire.  You whimper as he continues to fuck you with his fingers.  He smirks at your blissed-out face and then returns his mouth to your pussy.  His tongue flicks over your clit repeatedly as whines and cries continue to be let out of your mouth.  Back arching, you bite at your lip, barely able to even process the words that came out of Dabi just a moment ago.

"Oh, fuck, Dabi, please. Please, I'm gonna cum soon." The words fall from your lips, and your mind feels numb to everything except the feeling of Dabi's tongue on your pussy.

Dabi grunts and gives another hard suck to your clit before pulling away just a bit.  "Hell yeah, babe, come all over my face."

Your eyes roll back, and your mouth opens with another cry as your legs begin to tremble as the tension starts to rise in your stomach. One more lick, and you know you'd come. Dabi's continued suckling of your clit sends you careening over the edge. Your cries fill the room, and your back arches as your legs try to squeeze around his head.  Dabi continues to suck and lick as you orgasm.  Panting and with your eyes twisted shut, you cling to his shirt as you start to come down.  A final curse gently leaves your mouth as you wait for your legs to stop shaking.  Dabi takes one last long slow lick before sitting back and wiping his face with the back of his hand.  You can't bring yourself to move from the couch, still panting and weak.

Your mind starts slowly coming back to you as the bliss begins to leave.  The realization of everything happening in the world washes over you.  But you were thankful Dabi took the time to distract you from the horrors of what's going on.  You move over so Dabi can cuddle with you on the couch.  It isn't much room, but it feels good to be this close with him, wrapped in each other's arms.  You both slowly start to drift off to sleep, but you don't miss Dabi's final words mumbled into your hair, "I'll never let anything happen to you."

Shortly after that, the world seems to descend into madness.  The illness grows more and more rampant.  People are getting infected every day.  Whether it's through the original source of contamination or by those contaminated biting or scratching someone.  Panic spreads throughout the country.  But through all of it, you and Dabi stick together.

From the moment it was declared an emergency Dabi was banging at your door, insisting the two of you find somewhere safer than your run-down apartment.  Because while the two of you needed sleep, whatever these things are could go non-stop, and your apartment was not fortified.

You and Dabi lost your quirks a month after the emergency declaration, along with the rest of the population. People couldn't fight these zombie-like creatures off anymore.  Like all the movies and TV shows, the bodies became more zombies than actual living people.

After a while of jumping around from a destroyed place to another, the two of you found yourself in an apartment building that had a sturdy enough entrance that the zombies couldn't break through.  The daily struggles were still hard, though. Finding food and water to survive became a daily task for the two of you.  Through all of this, he never left your side. He always insisted the two of you stay together.  And so you did.  Fighting the living dead, but sometimes the living too when things got even more terrible, and scavenging was your everyday routine now.

You lost track of time and could only follow when the seasons changed.  But Dabi was really the only thing getting you through this.  Seeing people destroy one another for food or shelter destroyed you inside.  Never knowing if these zombies you were killing were someone you had known at one point, or just another faceless dead person tore at every corner of your brain.  Dabi stayed strong for the two of you.  Holding you every night on the ripped blankets, you could gather for the strange bed the two of you slept in.  You would sob into his muscled chest about how you couldn't live in this world anymore, how you couldn't kill another person, alive or dead.

But Dabi would never let go.  He would hold you close and let your never-ending tears stain the only shirt he had now.  He would rub your back with his warm hands; even though his rusting staples would catch on your shirt and rip from his skin, he still did it.  He would hold you until you fell asleep, whispering how strong you were and how he could never do this without you.  And after all the tears, you were thankful too.  Because without him, you'd be dead or alone.  You knew that without Dabi, you would have never survived this long.

But you could see Dabi was hurting too.  You couldn't find supplies to treat his decaying skin.  He hid his daily pain from you, but when Dabi thought you weren't looking or listening, he would hiss at the pain of another staple pulling at his burnt skin or let out a huge sigh when he would try to put it back together, but it wouldn't cooperate.

The only hope the two of you held onto was each other and that possibly a cure would come soon.  Not that either you could really access that information with no electricity; there wasn't any way to get information other than hearsay.  You survived the best you could in this world.

And as much as this wasn't what you would have picked for either of you, at least you had each other.  You tried not to think of a time when you wouldn't be together, even though the chances of that happening were high- it hurt too much. To survive in this world without Dabi would be too fucking much.

It's almost as if fate chose to play a cruel game with the two of you.  It seemed like a "normal" trip out to scavenge for food and water.  The two of you had to expand your search area since places closer were mainly empty.

This time you found yourself outside of a convenience store, a reasonable distance away from your home.  It hadn't been completely destroyed by some miracle and was not overrun by the zombified people.  Still, in a state of decay, though, Dabi was quickly able to kick his heavy boots through the door and get the two of you in.

Sauntering through the gas station, you quickly begin to pick up canned food and stale bags of chips and shove them in your worn backpack.  Dabi is doing the same on other aisles until he lets out a chuckle.  "Hey babe, look what I found."  He says with a cocky voice holding up a few boxes of wrapped condoms above the aisle for you to see.

You roll your eyes.  "Thanks, Dabi. Is sex really what we want to be thinking about right now? Let's just get this shit and get out."  You let out with an annoyed huff and continue to push the limits of how much your bag can hold.

Dabi comes over to your aisle and snakes his arms around your waist with your back pressed to his chest.  He places his chin on your shoulder and whispers in your ear.  "Yes, all I can think about is getting your beautiful body back home and finally being able to finish in you, and with these, I can."  He lets out a dark chuckle as he pulls you closer against him and bucks  his hips playfully.

"Okay, horn dog, let's get this shit done, and then we can do whatever you want back home."  You let out with an eye roll.  It's hard to stay mad at him. You know he's trying to keep things light for you, to keep you happy because he can see how hard this is.  And his regular teasing is one way he knows will bring a smile to your face.

As you are finishing up trying to take inventory of anything else in the store that you can take back, you spot the clear plastic that holds the cartons of cigarettes behind the cashier counter.  While you didn't necessarily want Dabi smoking, you knew he missed the vice. Cigarettes were just as hard to find as medicine in this new world.  Smiling to yourself, you move behind the counter and reach for the plastic flap to lift it up.

As you try to lift the latch, it doesn't budge. You look around for what might be blocking it before seeing the tiny silver keyhole to one side of the compartment.  Crap, of course, it's locked.    You really wanted to surprise Dabi with this.  Maybe you still could. The key had to be here somewhere, right? You think while scanning around the counter.  You try searching through the counters for a hidden key but no luck.  Letting out a heavy sigh, you call Dabi over.

Dabi wanders over to your annoyed face and can't help but smile at your slight pout.  "I wanted to surprise you! But I can't open it. Can you get it, please?"  It comes out almost like a whine as you gesture to the cigarettes.

Dabi's smirk turns into a genuine smile, and he pats the top of your head before saying, "My sweet doll.  Thank you for thinking of me. Let me help you out."  You could smack him, but instead, you watch as he hastily rips the plastic covering away and slips his hand below it to grab one of the wrapped cartons.

At that moment, everything changes.  The fun times the two of you were having shatters as a loud alarm rings through the store.  Panic floods your system as you stare at Dabi wide-eyed.  "There is no electricity. What's happening? There shouldn't be an alarm."  Horror is laced in your voice as words spill out of you.  Every walking corpse within miles will be here soon with the sound.

"Fuck, must have had a battery attachment. Come on, let's go."  Dabi's usual playfulness is gone as he abandons the cigarettes and grabs your hand.  He's grave now.  Getting the two of you out of here safely is his only goal.

You follow Dabi quickly, a hand grasped tightly in his as he runs towards the broken-down front door.   And that's when even more terror settles into you.  Zombies are pushing their way through the open door.  Their rotting bodies and white eyes focused on the area where the alarm is coming from.  There weren't many around when you broke in, but now it seems like they are multiplying by the moment.

"Fuck fuck fuck." Dabi curses under his breath, quickly turning around and pulling you towards the building's back exit.  You follow behind adrenaline surging through your veins fueled by your flight response.  Dabi grasps at the metal handle to the back door and shakes it only to find it locked.  "Damnit!"  he shouts before kicking the door violently.

Your heart is pounding, and you feel helpless as you stare at Dabi while he continues to slam himself at the door.  While the front door was glass and flimsier, this door was only budging slightly.  With all your focus on the door, you don't notice the continuously growing herd filtering into the gas station.  Not until you feel one brush against your shoulder.

Your eyes widen as you feel a scream bubbling in your throat.  This is it.   This is where the two of you die and either become fodder for a herd of living dead or turn into one yourself.   Your brain is pure panic as thoughts fly through faster than you can catch them.  You don't even realize you have screamed out Dabi's name until you see his face turn towards yours.

His typically blue eyes are almost entirely covered by his dark pupils as he takes in the monstrosities behind you.  But unlike you, he doesn't hesitate. He pulls out a knife he keeps in one of his pockets and slams it into the decaying skull of the zombie that is right behind you.  Splurts of dark blood hit your cheek as he pulls out the knife, and the creature behind you crumples to the floor.

"Keep trying the door! I'll keep them off you."  Dabi shouts, pulling you into the spot he previously stood.  Your heartbeat is so loud you can feel it in your head, and you can't even make a coherent response as you begin to slam your body against the solid surface.  You can feel it give a little more with each push of your body, and everything in you is screaming not to give up.  Doing your best not to glance at Dabi's grunting and movements as he continues to try and put down zombie after zombie.

You can't give up; this can't be the end . Desperately your brain is screaming as you continue to feel the door give more and more.  Your shoulder hurts from the continued impact, but you aren't letting it slow you down.  You can feel it; it's almost there.

Suddenly the door gives, and you can see the sun shining through on the other side.  You cry out in  relief and turn back to tell Dabi to come with you.  But as your eyes meet, fear fills every ounce of you.

He's still fighting them off, but there is a gaping bite wound on his right arm— rows of teeth marks embedded in his skin.  You feel like you're going to be sick. There is no coming back from this; there's no known cure.  At any point within the next twenty-four hours, he would be another one of the walking dead, no sense, no logic, and looking to consume others. This can't be happening, this can't be happening.  Your heart is sinking with every second that ticks by.

"What the fuck are you waiting for? Get out! Get out!"  Dabi screams at you as he embeds his knife in another zombie.

"No, no, I can't leave without you!  I-we can find something.  I'll find something, please! Come on, Dabi, I can't do this without you!"  You are sobbing now, hot tears streaming through the dirt and blood mixed on your face.  An ache in your heart starts to form.  You know you don't know how to help him, but you'll do anything to not leave him behind.

Dabi lets out a grin despite the feral dead people closing in on him.  And gives you a wink before saying in a voice that seems too calm for the situation, "Come on, doll, you are the most intelligent person I know.  You have to go.  Live for us, babe.  Look at how far we've come.  Go show this world that it won't ever break you down. I love you, and I'll come to find you wherever you are in the afterlife and annoy the shit out of you.  Now go!"

It's like your heart is being ripped into a thousand pieces. Your breath comes out in short huffs, moving towards hyperventilating.  You want to go back to Dabi and cling on for dear life, but you won't let him die in vain.  Not after that speech.  That would be an insult to everything the two of you have overcome.  So with all your strength, you give your lover, the man who has come so far with you, the last look before letting out a final "I love you too" and burst out the door.

You don't look back, aching feet propelling you forward as tears continue to stream and fall off your face.  When you first met Dabi, you would have never thought you'd miss him.  But you will , you'll miss every snarky comment, every flirty glance, and the tender way only he has loved you.  The man that you were sure was just some asshole trying to get laid became the love of your life and sacrificed himself so you could live.  And you could never let that go to waste.

[ohworm-writes]

#02 - Tape Two | series masterlist

⮞ Beta Reader - @jschllatt​ ! thank you so much for proofreading this for me !

⮞ Pairing - Monster!Technoblade x Monster-Hunter!Reader ⮞ Summary - Bugs are not your favorite things to deal with, especially when it’s 10 times your size and chasing through streets after you. However, maybe a sight in the dark is worth the challenging day.  ⮞ Rating - Mature (SFW) ⮞ Warnings - violence , description of bug monster ( centipede ) , cursing , anxiousness ⮞ Word Count - 3.4k ⮞ Taglist - Open! Send an Ask or DM to be added

@ohworm-writes​​​ copyright 2021 | do not repost

Dead leaves crunch under your feet, and while the sound would have been satisfying in any other scenario, this was not the one. The small, nearly inaudible noise is enough to make you stop dead in your tracks, head poking up from your previously hunched position to look around. If you saw it yourself, it could have reminded you of a meerkat. The animals, as meek as they are, are quite the attraction.

Any sound you’d make would go fairly unappreciated. You see, out here, sound was not exactly one to be a best friend. It was an enemy, if anything. If anyone or anything were to hear you, to hear your location, you could be dead within seconds! Minutes, if you were a lucky one. A single noise, much like a fall leaf turning to pieces underneath your feet, is more than enough to cause fear to course through your veins. 

It’s almost a full minute until you move again. Sixty seconds stood in the same, and quite the uncomfortable, position. However, it’s much better to be safe, rather than sorry. Slowly, quietly, and carefully; you let your body move once more. Careful step after step, one foot in front of the other, simply trying to make it from Point A to Point B. Alive, preferably. 

You had set out more than a few hours ago, maybe… 7 hours or so? Given the position of the sun, which was a little further than its previous position in the center of the sky, it was enough to tell you that noon had gone, and the evening was nearing. Oh, how the time had passed, slowly albeit. Your anxiety and cautiousness never faltered. Never once did you stroll down the street, taking in the sights of what once was.

If you did, however, you’d be able to see the beauty of it. How the trees were full of life, spectacularly green leaves scattered across it by the thousands. How the flowers, some of which had poked through the asphalt of the streets, had bloomed in bright and captivating colors of all shades. How the streets, once filled with nothing but cars and people, had now been taken back by the land. Oh, what a sight it is, and what a sight you were missing out on. 

Even though you had overlooked the beauty of it all, you couldn’t deny that being out here was a breath of fresh air. Quite literally, in that sense. No, but especially because you were out here alone. On one hand, you could see it as another factor for you to be more aware than you already were. There was nobody to watch your back, to yell out if they had seen or heard anything. No, that was all your job now. You were the one to have all say in whether you made it to tomorrow. 

Without those thoughts, though, you could admire it. You had never had a moment to yourself, with it being always ruined by judgmental stares or offhanded comments. Now, you could listen to the beautiful silence that was loneliness. A shame, some could call it, how you’d revel to have moments like these alone. Why be alone when you could be out with friends or, hell, even people! Well, when nobody seems to take your side, though, loneliness is your only friend. It’s the only thing that you know won’t leave. 

Well, it’s the only thing you hope won’t leave, especially not now. 

Though, as they say, speak of the devil, and he will appear.

A clicking noise, much similar to the sound of steps, travels to your era. It’s far, but it’s audible. The crossbow, made at home in your hands, directs towards the sound in a fraction of a second. The way your body moves with such violence, it’s a wonder how you didn’t have whiplash from the movement. Everything around you seems to come to a halt at that moment. Not another sound, not a breath, no movement or sound at all. 

You stand at the corner of a street, tacky green arrows signs in the distance held up by a rusting chain to a stoplight to tell you which street is which. ‘4th Avenue,’ the sign ahead reads, and to its right, in the opposite position, reads ‘12th Avenue.’ On your right, there’s a barbershop, the red, white, and blue cylinder set to a stop out front. The windows are smashed in, shards of glass scattered along the pavement outside, and by the smell coming from inside, you can think that a little more than cutting hair happened there.

You hone your senses in on where the noise had come from, eye to the scope as you point your weapon in the previous sound’s direction. The arrow tip points towards the edge of the building, pointing into the street aside from it. When there’s no more noise, that’s when you panic. The worst thing you could experience out on the field was to hear a quite obvious sound, and then nothing. No indication if the sound had been there at all, or if it was something in your head. If it was there, then where had it gone?

To your luck, or not, the sound finds its place in your ears once more, the clicking sound much closer than the last time you had heard it. It’s almost like the sound a rollercoaster makes as it’s climbing the tracks towards a peak, slowing as it reaches the top. As the coaster reaches the top, there’s that brief sense of both dread and relief. On one hand, because you know what’s coming next. You know that soon, that calm would pass, and you’d dive downward into something you’re not sure if you’re ready to tackle head on. On the other, you know that this is the last of the peace, and you want to relish in every moment that you can.

And just like that, the coaster dives. 

From behind the crumbling brick of the likely once lively barbershop, something peeks to look at you. It’s low at first, whatever it was, maybe a foot off of the ground. But then, then it grows tall. Much taller than you, oh by quite a lot, that is. As it comes around the corner in all of its glory, you can see this plunge is far scarier than you’d expected.

The clicking noise had come from the legs of the monster, the skinny limbs coming by the hundred. The plates, like that of armor, plated across its back, face to and away from you, instead, its vulnerable purplish underside facing towards you. Looking up, the beast towering, you see its head. Large half-moon eyes on either side of its face peering down at you, antennas poking through the top. Large mandibles protrude from the side of its face, serrated teeth fully on display from its wide-open jaw.

That was a goddamn centipede, wasn’t it?

Its body wiggles as it reaches its full height, standing above you at twenty feet or so, its long shadow casting down over you. And then it pounces. The beast leaps towards you, mandibles spread wide as it dives directly towards you. At the same moment, you dash to the side, the trigger pressing down as it sends the arrow flying towards the underside of the monster. It pierces before the monster even touches the ground, a loud screech echoing from it.

It recovers quickly, twisting its head sharply, and you’re already bolting, making a violent turn down the street it just came from. It’s abandoned as you’d hoped, but not for long. With that many legs, it catches up with you quickly. The clicking, the thudding its limbs make as they collide with the ground, is something you won’t ever be able to forget. You dash from one side of the street to the other, taking the moments you have to reload the crossbow. 

It’s a task you’d wished was much easier right now, holding the arrow between your teeth as you pull the string back with one hand, the other shakily holding the weapon. To your luck, it clicks into place, and you spend no time loading it. You look over your shoulder, being met with the quickening pace of the oversized bug as it bounds towards you, a green drool dribbling out from its mouth. Now that it’s on the ground, it’s near impossible to get a worthy shot on it. 

You had looked over the file of the exact creature countless times while at the casino. Sleepless nights left to your own devices were all spent the same; hunched over your rotting desk, reading file after file on different monsters. While the words seem to blend before your eyes, the facts stay perfectly separated from one another. 

These creatures, rightfully referred to as ‘Giant Centipedes’, are a common Euclid,  mid-level monster. They tend to find a home in heavily wooded areas and marshes, few can be found scuttling down the abandoned avenues. Avenues, specifically that is. They’re around 60 feet long on average, longer or shorter depending on their age. They molt, which is a strange and unnerving occurrence that you, thankfully, have never seen yourself. When they molt, they’re most vulnerable, the plates on their back much softer. 

But, to your luck, the one chasing you must have been between molts, its plates at their strongest. The brown and purple-colored plates shine as the sun reflects off of them. However, this was not the time to admire it. Making another sharp turn, you race down another street, your friend in tow. It lets out a high-pitched snarl as sweat beads across your hairline, calm muscles burning at the exertion. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears, and your breaths, while even-paced, leave you gasping. 

With the crossbow held tight to your chest, your body at an angle as you sprint, you think about your options. One, fuckin’ hell, you better sprint as your life depends on it. Because it bloody does! Two, however, which is much more of a plan, was to aim for an opening, quite literally. You had to wait for the exact moment where either its underside was exposed, or something else. 

Looking back for a split second, you see it. You see an opening. As you move to aim the crossbow, fast as ever, you do one thing you had been terrified of doing the entire chase.

You trip.

Your body tumbles onto the pavement, with no more grace than a drunken man. You’re still holding onto the weapon, barely at that, but it’s still in your grasp. It hurts like hell, your body colliding with the asphalt, broken glass, and gods know what else. The clicking stops too, and the moment you regain your stability, you realize why. The beast is towering over you, much like before, but now you’re on your ass staring up at it. 

It’s not a pleasant sight, the green liquid dripping from its mouth and mandibles onto the pavement only a few inches away from you. Its body gives a little wiggle, almost giving itself a pat on the back for a chase well done. 

The crossbow, held in your dominant hand, sits to your side. Not because you had given up, ready to accept your demise, but rather because you were looking for an opening to shoot. Bringing the weapon out while the creature drools above you was suicide. You look up at its body, eyes trained for a moment on the arrow you shot at it, which found itself lodged in its middle. An excellent shot, if you say so yourself, especially with the confines of the moment. 

Your eyes trail higher, where its neck started and its body ended, you had no idea. The flesh molds together as one, just a long line of flesh. As you watch it lower its body ever so slightly, almost as if to smell you better, there’s your opening.

You yourself barely even react as you whip the crossbow out with lightning speed, holding it in your grip and aiming upwards. The creature can barely lower its body an inch, a snarl trapped in its throat as the arrow fires, piercing through the easy flesh of its lower jaw and coming up through the head. 

At that moment, all life leaves the beast’s body, its body falling limp above you. You’re barely able to make it to the side as it crashes down upon the place you last were, a dark green ooze dribbling as the wound bleeds out. Your chest heaves as you look at it, your body propped up with one hand as you stare at the dead beast, its lifeless eyes directed towards you. 

 As the coaster car pulls into the station, and all is calm. 

You let your body collapse against the pavement, a soft thud sounding from the action. A dry laugh sounds from your throat, a little noise to tell you that you lived. You let your eyes shut, the warm sun shining down on you as you let yourself relax for the moment. 

All pleasant moments find their close, and you’re back onto your feet. As much as you wanted to melt into the pavement at that moment, falling asleep under the gentle sunlight, you didn’t want to stick around for what other monsters could have heard you. You take only a moment to retrieve both of the arrows, cringing at the grotesque noise it makes as you pull it from the flesh, before heading back on the road. 

Your body is much more sluggish as you walk down the beat-up roads, eyes heavier from your previous antics. Most would feel lucky to be alive after something like that, but smarter people would shrug it off and keep going. Idiots revel at the moment, because as you do, you’re not paying attention, and that’s when the real challenges come for your throat. 

Hours drone on as you make your way down the streets, out of one town and into the next. You couldn’t waste time, especially with the sun falling lower and lower into the sky. Covering ground was the most important thing if you wanted to be back within 8 days’ time, and you did not intend to stay out here even a minute longer than you needed to be. 

Sweat covers your body as the sun beats down on you, the feeling of being not one you enjoy all that much. Your legs burn and add on to the exertion from earlier, you were more than just fatigued. The sky mixes with shades of pinks and purples, small clouds dotted here and there in the sky. It’s beautiful, and you stop dead in your tracks to admire it. 

You’d scold yourself later tonight, half-asleep with emotions roaring, but you take the moment now to watch in awe. As the sun drops lower and lower on the horizon, the colors come in darker shades; you smile. It’s not a fake one like you’re so used to putting on with others around, but it’s one filled with genuine joy. Your mouth falls open partially, a satisfying breeze passing by you, and there’s peace.

As the sun nearly dips fully out of your sight, you decide to call it a night. It was no use going around in the dark, as it would simply and truly be a call for death. So, with drowsiness settling, you make your way to the closest building. The architecture here differs greatly from Las Nevadas and the rural towns you had passed through earlier in the day. While it’s far more urban than anything you’ve passed, tall complexes towering high above you, it’s not a major city. 

The building closest to you is one of the shortest, only a single story to its height. From the burnt-out neon sign on the floor outside, you can tell it was a thrift store in a better life. The windows are, surprisingly, intact. Even with them being covered in dust, as you walk closer, you can see the pristine condition of the building.

Taking it as a safe enough option, you take hold of the dark handle on the door and pull. It takes minimal effort for the door to swing towards you, a smell of mold immediately taking to your senses. You breathe out roughly, pinching your nose as you walk in, closing the door shut behind you.

It’s as much as you’d expect a thrift store to be, which is rightfully not much. Hanger stands with countless dull and colorful items you’d never be caught dead wearing now fill the aisles. Small bookshelves display much more than books, leaving their contents out for you to gaze at. You can almost call the place cozy.

With a quick scope around the place, checking for monsters as well as broken doors and shattered glass, you deem it safe enough to stay in for the night. As if you had much of another option, seeing how all color had gone from the sky and the stars had shown. You set up a makeshift bed in the middle of an aisle towards the front, backpack hung up, and weapons nearby. 

It’s as perfect as it can be, and given the circumstances, you’re more than happy with it. Letting your back fall against the carpeted floor, head dropping against a pillow you had found behind the counter, you let your body sink. It’s surprisingly comfortable, with the rough and tacky carpet and the feather-filled pillow. Yet, it feels like the most comfortable you’ve been in your lifetime. 

As you let your eyes shut slowly, ready to be taken over into the realm of sleep, a soft light emits from the window, disrupting your peace. Your eyes open once more, trained to the ceiling, and you give out a soft huff. Well, if it wasn’t just your luck. Turning your head over, you look towards the dusted window, seeing blows of a bluish-green shade glow from outside.

Your body still lies flat on the floor as you watch the colors mold with one another, several strange blobs glowing from behind the glass. With a sigh, you sit up, all of that previous discomfort coming back to you at full force. You wince at the sharp pain that your back gives as you stand on your feet, muscles tight and sore. 

You grab the hatchet that was clipped to your bag, making your way towards the glass, the colors shining brighter as you near it. It could have been some daylight timer someone had set up in the past, or it could be a monster. Only a foot away, you bring your hand up to the dusted window, shivering. With a single motion downwards, you wipe the glass, ridding it of dust. 

With a row of dust gone, you’re able to look out through the window. It’s confusing when you first look at it, your mind not registering the green and blue figures floating above the street. But then, in a moment of both brilliance and stupidity, you realize. You take no time to hold the weapon at your side, swinging the door wide open as you gaze into the street. 

Gods, was it worth it. 

Glowing fish swim above the street and glide by your face. A green and blue bioluminescent glow radiates off of them, dully lighting up the street. You’re able to see their bodies twisting and their fins swishing if you pay attention close enough. A school of smaller fish comes right by you, moving swiftly by your face and into the sky. 

And, as you watch them float higher, you’re sent into a moment of awe as you gaze into the sky. Whales and fish and sea creatures alike float high up in the sky, moving between the glow of the stars effortlessly. You watch as one of the larger whales floats closer to the ground, tail swishing up and down as it propels itself through the air. Your eyes go wide as you stare, a childlike grin set on your features that even you don’t catch.

It’s… amazing. It’s wonderful in every way you could never imagine by yourself. The glowing creatures in the sky, swimming through its currents, are a sight you’d never been able to see in your lifetime. It’s something a child would squeal with happiness at, something that they, and you, would never forget. 

With a mix of awe, excitement, and delight, you spend your time admiring the creatures above. Wishing, to yourself and whatever gods may have heard you, that you could be like them one day.

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⮞ Technoblade Route Taglist - @cutiebear45 @kiki-is-the-name @hololizard @sunshinebutnotrainbows @valkyrieidunn @dominickle @err0rnan0 @lacunaanonymoused @ura-writes @jaciahbabes @mega-trash-cringe @itsberrydreemurstuff @theharborhooligan @maybeshroom​ @caliginous-skies​ @whalerus​

⮞ Author’s Note - A day late, but in my defense, I have no defense. I know I’ve done a lot of world building, but I do promise things are going to start rolling in Techno’s direction next tape! I really do hope that you did enjoy, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated! 

[exquisitley-obsessed]

Cardinal Catastrophe

Author: @exquisitley-obsessed

Summary: Elain reaches out to Azriel after that dreaded Solstice night and they once again meet under the moonlight in the River House - but everything is different now (post ACOSF, Azriel’s the focalizer) 

Pairings: Azriel x Elain, Elriel

Word Count: 13,300+

Warnings: This does get a bit smutty and then there’s some violence towards the end.

A/N: This is like super long. It basically has everything it’s fluff, smut and angst so yeah, something for everyone. This is probably the longest oneshot I’ve ever written, I don’t know where this has come from but it’s taken me way longer to write than any of my other stuff. There’s a lot of catharsis in this and reflection on how I think both Azriel and Elain think of the situation. You’ll also get a bit of Rhys’ pov towards the ned ;)

Preview: With Elain’s eyes closed he allowed himself to greedily devour the sight of her. Just her face alone captured his attention entirely. With his eyes he memorised the curve of her cheekbones, the specific angle of her brows, even the exact chocolatey shade of her lashes. He went over it again, and again, and again, like a worshipper devouring the holy text. Azriel needed the perfection of Elain committed to memory, because he was sure that one day his luck would run out entirely. That soon he would not be permitted to even these meetings in the dead of night, with only a thousand stars as witness to their mutilated fate.

“Elain...” He tried again; his voice softer than he had ever heard it before. The person he became around Elain was foreign to himself. He had never been someone privileged enough to both love and be loved, not like this. Now that he had tasted such passions, he found he could not always recognise himself. Because he was Azriel, and he was cursed and damned, destined to be alone, to be unloved, mutilated both in mind and morality. He could not love; he shouldn’t be able to love - and yet.

MASTERLIST

It was no exaggeration to say that Azriel’s work was of a most gruesome nature. His daily routine involved cutting into people, making them sing to his shadows, working them like a carcass in a machine until they’d spilt their guts to him before painting the walls with those same organs. As the Night Court’s spymaster, Azriel knew things that would bring kings to their knees, secrets that were interwoven into the foundations of courts, hidden information that would dissolve alliances in seconds; and yet, here he was, pacing the room like a schoolboy as he tried to swallow the fluttery ‘butterfly-like’ feeling twisting his gut.

He’d noticed the note the minute he’d entered the room. A tiny slip of paper that glowed in the moonlight from where it was perched on his work desk, a stark contrast to Azriel’s messy, tea-stained paperwork. Azriel had smelt her on it before he read it, in fact, the second he opened the door to his River House bedroom he was surrounded by her faded aroma. She must’ve breezed in and out, not wanting to overstep her bounds as she left him a note no one else was to read. Knowing her, she was probably currently riddled with guilt for entering his private space, even though, quite frankly, Azriel wouldn’t mind her invading on every aspect of his life, personal or not. Not wanting to face what her scent in his room did to him, he’d crossed the room in three strides and devoured the note in seconds; the words still rang in his head.

I need to see you.

Everything had been fine. Ever since Rhysand’s outrageous demand of Azriel several months prior, Azriel had fallen into a routine, stricter than the last, for ignoring Elain Archeron. He was working more than he ever had before, not just in quantity but in quality. Unnecessarily detailed reports were showing up on the High Lord’s desk of situations that were entirely irrelevant to the current political climate and yet, Azriel thought it was only fair Rhysand suffered somewhat from this situation too.

I’m sorry for everything.

While he was anywhere but Velaris, Elain was never anywhere else, specifically in the River House, a place he had thus far avoided with painful success. Until his High Lady had demanded he come to dinner to celebrate Nesta’s birthday, Nesta who was happier than he had ever seen her before, practically glowing with the dreaded mating bond. It still baffled him how much prevalence mating bonds had played in his life the past few years after 500 years of silence, strings of fate which seemed to only bring about the greatest happiness or the wickedest pain.

I just want to make things right.

They were so happy, all of them. Rhysand with Feyre and Nyx, Nesta and Cassian - and though he just wanted to be glad for his family, the miasma of their bliss was suffocating. Because Azriel had never felt more alone, had never been so buried in his work, so achingly tired from the unnecessary flights and dreary missions, and his harmful behaviour was turning his body into something foreign. Azriel never used to have the constant tautness across his shoulders, nor the constant black shadows under his eyes from the sleepless nights, or the aching muscles that never seemed to heal. But it was necessary – if he wanted to obey Rhysand’s order, if he wanted to maintain civility between courts, and for a plethora of other supposed noble reasons – it was necessary.

I miss you.

He just wanted her. Not in any possessive way, he just wanted to be around her. He’d come to find a specific kind of peace in her company, something about that soothed his worries and aches. So, he missed their walks in the gardens, their shared book recommendations, their inside jokes, their unspoken understanding, their healing. And above all he missed her: her smile, her laughter, the shade of her flushed cheeks, her kindness, her silence.

Azriel hadn’t realised what had been happening to him as they had gotten closer, hadn’t realised how far he’d fallen till Rhysand had pulled him out of the air. Now all that was there, was a lacking. He was busier than ever, but all around him hung the privation of her.

Meet me in the foyer when the sun sets.

So he couldn’t be around his family, couldn’t face their overwhelming joy when he was so, so alone. Maybe it would’ve been better if he had never met Elain, or at least if he hadn’t allowed himself to fall for her. But in those soft moments he shared with her, the brushes of fingertips to the sun-kissed smiles, he’d been forced to face just how alone he was, how alone he had always been. Through Elain, Azriel had had a taste of honest, unwavering love - and yet he was expected to turn his back on such a discovery, by his own family no less.

Please.

He would meet her in the foyer when the sun set. He would follow her to the ends of the Earth if she asked him to, because maybe he was just so masochistic that he didn’t mind meeting Elain only to be reminded of everything he couldn’t have. Reading the note Azriel couldn’t help but think bitterly of how the flower-grower was far more courageous than he. That she was reaching out to him after he had rejected her so brutally. Azriel jolted, flaring his wings slightly to stop the train of thought. That pained, confused look in Elain’s eye when he had said that word, haunted him. Mistake. He’d called it a mistake. Azriel raked his hands down his face and sighed.

He wished he were strong enough to either commit or drop it entirely. He wished he had it in him to do something. Azriel should’ve bitten back at Rhysand all those months ago, should’ve just dealt with this catastrophe back then rather than let it fester and rot under the proverbial carpet.

As time passed in Azriel’s knotted thoughts, the sun plummeted towards the horizon. It was a perfect summers evening, and Azriel stilled at the window to watch as the sun melted the sky into shades of pink and purple. He saw it and thought of the colour of her dress tonight, or even that dress she had worn when she’d made traditional Illyrian biscuits and demanded he tried one. He’d taken it in his pocket and only took a bite when he was alone in the shadows of a different court, and he had savoured every bite, quietly smothering his growing adoration as he did so.

Elain, Elain, Elain. His shadows whispered to him, as though they knew they would soon be in her presence. No one had ever had such an effect on his shadows, and around her he was more aware of them being a separate entity to himself. Though they were bound, around Elain they seemed to grow more confident, they acted of their own accord and would often disappear in her presence, as though his shadows knew he wished to be entirely alone with her.

Foyer...Elain...flower-grower...beautiful. Azriel was inclined to agree. And before Azriel could lose himself to shyness, the sun finally dipped behind the curve of the land, allowing a thousand glimmering stars to prickle through the endless black sky.

She would already be waiting for him, and though Azriel was nervous, he had to restrain some part of himself that longed to throw open the door and jump down the stairs two at a time. Instead, he used the shadows, stepping through them to the base of the large foyer staircase. It would be more silent this way. He wouldn’t make the same mistake of not listening to the corridors as they spoke. For Elain’s sake, he would demand the utmost privacy, even from his High Lord and Lady.

He could see her before she saw him. She was leaning of the Foyer’s centre table, fiddling with the bouquet of flowers in a glass vase - of course she was. All he could see of her was the lower half of her pale gown and her dark golden hair, cascading down her back like a waterfall. The moonlight streaming in through the large French windows gave her an angelic glow, whereas the more sensuous light of the flickering candles painted shadows across her thinly veiled curves. Both warm and cold light coming together to worship the woman who seemed to him as light herself. At the sight of her, Azriel involuntarily sucked in a breath and felt her scent hit the back of his throat, his entire body seemed to sing from her aroma alone, as though it were his own personal drug. Dangerous, this was dangerous, to be with her and to be so alone. He didn’t care.

“Elain,” she didn’t start as he spoke into the thick silence. If she had the confidence to call him here tonight, then he must source some of his own. He at least owed her that. Delicately, Elain turned and looked over her shoulder, her beautiful brown eyes finding his and melting the whole world away.

“You came,” She breathed, her shoulders sagging slightly out of relief. She turned to him properly then, and Azriel flickered his eyes over her so quickly she might’ve mistaken it for a mere blink. But he saw her, saw what she was wearing, and some core part of his soul longed to weep at the sight of her beauty.

Elain was in a nightgown, off-white cotton and silk, with cream and dusty pink lace. Pale ribbons pulled the nightdress around her breasts and down to her naval, dipping in a slight ‘v’ before the skirts flowed around her natural curves and then dropped to the floor. The neckline was agonisingly flattering, though Azriel was sure he wouldn’t look twice at the nightdress on anyone else. Her creamy skin seemed browner in the warm candlelight of the house, and as the shadows flickered, he was aware of how her collarbones stretched out to the curve of her shoulders, how she didn’t have freckles on her chest and arms but rather a specific constellation of moles, even how her hair was impossibly thick and, if memory served him well, soft too. Upper sections were pulled away from her face in an intricate pattern of braids and ties, and yet lock after lock of pale brown hair cascaded down her back and over her shoulders, framing her angelic face. Oh, that face. Poets and painters alike would weep at the sight of that face. The small, angled eyebrows that somehow made her doe eyes bigger, the freckles across her cheeks and nose, her plush lips-

“I know that you’re avoiding me,” she began, crashing Azriel back into reality. He shifted slightly, ruffling his wings as though to wake himself up. Her voice wasn’t accusing, but calm and quiet, “I know there’s a reason why you’re never around. For a while I thought you were just cooped up at the House of Wind but Nesta says that she never sees you...no one ever sees you anymore.” Azriel stayed quiet, just holding her gaze. He never needed to speak around Elain, she had quickly understood that when he had something to say, he would say it, but till then, he was comforted by the silence. And so she continued, more nervous now.

“I don’t want to be...narcissistic...but it seems to me that you’ve been distancing yourself with everyone after what happened on Solstice and...” She shifted uncomfortably, her confidence running out as she looked down at the floor and wrung her hands. “I can’t take it. I can’t take being the person whose pushed you away and I...I think we need to talk about it - or not talk about it - I’m not sure. I just, I don’t want you to avoid me anymore, even if that means we pretend that it never happened, that’s fine. I just...”

He could tell her right now the exact reason why he couldn’t be around her. Elain, he would say, I would do anything to be around you. I would kill a thousand men just to have the privilege of your company. But I can’t, Elain. Because when I’m around you, everything turns inside out, I forget everything I’m supposed to be afraid of. I become this person around you Elain, I become someone who I’ve always wanted to be, and I don’t know how to be him, if I even can. I’m not used to this, to wanting something so viscerally it feels as though I might fall apart every day I don’t see you. Elain, I don’t know how to choose happiness, I don’t know how to be selfish in that way, and above all...I don’t know how to fix this.

“I don’t care if you don’t want me like that, not if it comes at the price of your friendship. I still...need you in my life, Az,” Elain was whispering now, her large eyes slightly glassy in the candlelight. 

Azriel couldn’t help but think that Elain was evidentially stronger than him, that she could still want to be around him even if he supposedly didn’t want her. If the roles were reversed, if it had been Elain who had pushed him away, he was pretty certain he would’ve manipulated his work to make him leave the Night Court for at least several years. Of course, she was stronger than him, he was beginning to think she was stronger than them all, because of this exact trait of hers - forgiveness.

“Please...say something,” Elain’s broken voice rose through the silence. She looked at him again, tears threatening to spill. Her looking at him in such a way made something deep in his chest twist, and twist and keep on twisting. 

He didn’t know what to do, so he took a step forward, and another and another, until he was a foot’s distance away from her. The whole time her eyes never left his, her hands still twisting together at the front of her beautiful, beautiful dress. He opened his mouth to speak but once again Elain had rendered him speechless. Where could he begin, how could he begin - how could he fix this?

“Elain...” was all he managed in the end, but that seemed to be enough to soothe her as her eyes fluttered shut and she breathed deeply at the sound of her name mingled with his breath.

With Elain’s eyes closed he allowed himself to greedily devour the sight of her. Just her face alone captured his attention entirely. With his eyes he memorised the curve of her cheekbones, the specific angle of her brows, even the exact chocolatey shade of her lashes. He went over it again, and again, and again, like a worshipper devouring the holy text. Azriel needed the perfection of Elain committed to memory, because he was sure that one day his luck would run out entirely. That soon he would not be permitted to even these meetings in the dead of night, with only a thousand stars as witness to their mutilated fate.

“Elain...” He tried again; his voice softer than he had ever heard it before. The person he became around Elain was foreign to himself. He had never been someone privileged enough to both love and be loved, not like this. Now that he had tasted such passions, he found he could not always recognise himself. Because he was Azriel, and he was cursed and damned, destined to be alone, to be unloved, mutilated both in mind and morality. He could not love; he shouldn’t be able to love - and yet.

“I’m sorry,” He began, his voice barely audible. And by the way Elain’s brows furrowed slightly and her mouth tightened, he knew that she knew he was talking about the last time they’d been here, in this foyer. “I wish things were different,” He whispered, now trying to memorise the exact constellations of her freckles.

“Me too,” She breathed, her eyes still closed. “I wish I was different,” She surprised him by whispering.

“Don’t...” He murmured, silently stunned, “You...you don’t know how you...” But he had to stop himself mid-sentence, had to bite his tongue between his teeth hard enough to draw blood. Because if he started to talk, he wouldn’t stop. He would tell her everything, and he wasn’t quite ready to be so vulnerable, not when he didn’t know how to be vulnerable at all.

“I...” She opened her eyes and seemed to look at him as though for the first time. After a long pause she spoke again, “I wish I had courage.”

“Courage?” Elain paused and shifted slightly from foot to foot, as though she were debating what she would say next.

“I want to be strong, like my sisters...I want to etch out my own path rather than fumble in the dark.” Azriel thought for a moment.

“You are strong, whether you perceive yourself to be or not.” He wanted nothing more than to reach up and stroke his hand along her smooth cheek, instead he dug his nails into his already marred palm and focused on the pain’s bite.

“I will never be a general,” Elain whispered, her eyes still damp, “I will never be a High Lady or a leader, I don’t care for any of that...I wish I did. You can’t imagine how badly I wish I...” Her words ran out and her eyes became slightly glossed over and detached. Again, he felt the urge to touch her, to ground her back in reality, but he just dug his nails in deeper. “I don’t belong on battlefields, though I’d always fight when the world needed me but...I’m not a warrior; and that petrifies me.”

Again, Azriel paused, taking time to absorb every word Elain offered to him under the moonlight. Azriel adored Elain, he could’ve stood there for an hour and listed everything about her that had brought him hope. How her outlook on life had been so foreign to him, so unrealistic when he first met her, that it was extraordinary now just how jealous he was of her ability to look at the morbidity of the world, and still seek out the good.

“In a world of endless bloodshed and bitterness, do not be ashamed of not wanting to be a warrior,” Azriel whispered.

“But I’m useless,” Elain quickly interjected, “I have all this power, I feel it stirring in me and there is no part of me that wishes to manipulate it or-or exploit it.” Elain’s hands came up and danced in the air as she spoke, another quirk of hers he’d both memorised and adored. Azriel thought again, long and hard, before he spoke.

“I’ve been around a lot longer than you, and from what I’ve learnt of people is...that they’re horrible,” Azriel watched as Elain’s eyes widened and drank in his words and something twisted in his chest. People didn’t look at him like that when he talked. His brothers would wink and laugh with him, his enemies cowered and flinched, those whom he bedded would smile slyly or watch his mouth as he murmured dirty things in the dead of night. But no one looked at him like that, as though he were reciting poetry, as though he were beautiful enough to say something worthy of those big eyes and parted lips.

“You wouldn’t believe the horrors I’ve seen, or the court secrets I’ve uncovered. The way people, particular those in positions of power, treat each other, treat those around them and those below them - it’s tragic. It’s merciless and cruel.” Elain was still drinking him in, still hanging onto his every word.

“I think over the centuries, I myself became desensitised to the horrors of power and politics. Especially given my start in life. When you were human I understood your naivety, your belief in the good of the world, especially after your riches had returned and your life was content.

“But what I didn’t understand was how you continued to believe good after everything you went through. After facing the most brutal torture from the Cauldron itself...you still chose to believe in the wonderful and I-I didn’t understand that. Because I couldn’t do that. Because I’d never believed in the good of people the way you do...I had never even believed in the good of myself.

“Please don’t think that kindness is something small, or something that can be overlooked. Because when the world is little more than ruin and rubble, kindness is all we have left. We’ve just been alive so long that we forget about it, us Fae, we’ve spent so much of our lives at war that it’s easy to forget why we’d even engage in such bloodshed. It wasn’t till I met you that I was reminded that such things as tenderness and humanity even existed outside my family, and once the wars were about defending those virtues rather than snuffing them out…I just, I can’t help but think that if there were more people like you in the world, maybe Prythian wouldn’t succumb to carnage every few decades, just so that the heartless noblemen of this land can feel something.”

Azriel hadn’t meant to speak for so long, in fact, he didn’t quite understand where the words had even come from. They were true, of course. He did whole-heartedly believe everything he had just said, he just hadn’t realised how much he’d ached to say it aloud. Elain was still staring at him wide-eyed, and then there was the worst thing of all, a single tear spilling over her damp eyes and trickling down her cheek.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“No,” Elain whispered, suddenly reaching out and sliding her palm into his from where it was hanging limp at his side. Electricity shot through his arm, and he forced himself to look at her in the eye as he tensed his legs so that they didn’t crumple underneath him. “No, it’s good I’m, I’m glad you said it I...”

But again, words seemed to evade Elain as she looked up at him. Azriel was now hyperaware of her how close she was, of her smooth palm that fit so nicely in his own. His body often reacted on its own accord around Elain, and he had spent months leashing his desires into chains, beasts that could only come out in the dead of night. But since that dreaded Solstice night last winter, everything had changed.

Life these past few months had consisted of the battle between two extremes. Either he was drowning in the way his body seemed to ache and beg for her, his mind obsessing over their stuttering relationship as though it were a philosophical debate. Especially since he now knew that some part of her wanted him and had wanted to kiss him even with her mate sleeping upstairs. The fact that he now knew what her scent tasted like, how her voice sounded when it was breathy and desperate - it all fuelled the fantasies that haunted him the moment he made it back to his room. He could be on the other side of Prythian and somehow the presence of Elain Archeron would find a way to him.

The other extreme was complete and total deprivation. The reality that he hadn’t seen her for months, that she would soon exist more in memory than experience. Even though his fantasies of her were so visceral, so tangible, the reality that she was not in the room with him always came crashing down by the time his head had cleared - and then he’d feel more alone than ever before.

But when he was here, with her, the argument ceased. The torture and the pain, the writhing mind and aching debates, it all fell into beautiful silence. And so, looking at her now, he was unable to help himself. And without thought, he reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear as he murmured under his breath, no more than a whisper, “Elain Archeron...saviour of the cursed and damned...”

As Azriel’s fingers grazed Elain’s cheek, a horribly confused and upset look twisted her face. She seemed to freeze at the contact and Azriel halted at her discomfort, internally berated himself for pushing her too far, for being so arrogant in thinking he could touch her in such a way.

“I...Azriel...I don’t understand,” Elain’s breathless voice seemed to caress him, and once more he found himself tensing his legs so that they wouldn’t give out under him. “You don’t want me...you said it was a mistake...” Azriel stilled, and he caught her eye in a moment of alarmed sobriety.

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

He couldn’t stop the words before they spilled from his lips. It didn’t matter how soft, how quiet, his voice was, the words were innately harsh and something deep against his spine lurched at the thought of her hurting her - of hurting her again.

But Elain didn’t flinch. Her eyes, instead of widening in shock, stayed stoically still and calm. And then Azriel watched as those honeyed eyes he loved so much lapsed darker and darker, the floral musk of her arousal drifting to him like a moth to a flame, the same scent he’d been dreaming of for months, the memory of it alone making his body achingly hard and taut, as though his own skin existed only to respond to the call of hers.

The scent surrounded him, sending blood to his cock which was now throbbing viscerally against the seams of his leathers. His arousal had never felt so tight before, so extreme and sudden. He felt it, heavy in his lower abdomen, twisting and knotting his guts in both pain and pleasure. That was familiar, that he’d felt a hundred times before, but for Elain Acheron his whole body seemed to sing. His blood burned under his skin as it pounded through his body, whilst his heart was light and fluttery in his chest, as though it might edge up his throat and fall from his lips. His eyes felt heavy lidded as though he were drunk, and even though he were standing stoically still, even though he hadn’t done anything yet, he found himself short of breath.

He had never wanted something more - never. Not Mor. Not a job. Not a secret, not information. Not salvation, not mercy. God, it seemed as though in this instant, Elain had invented want for him.

He would beg for her. Right now, in the foyer where he’d first tasted this personal drug. Had Elain not been holding him up by her eyes and a single palm he would already be on his knees. He moved to fall down before her, like a worshipper at a temple, when movement at her mouth caught his eye. Azriel watched as her delicate, pink tongue slowly dragged along her lower lip to wet it as she blinked innocently at him. Azriel’s resolve was gone in a puff of smoke.

Fuck Rhysand. Fuck Lucien. Fuck the Mother, the Cauldron, the world. Fuck anyone who stood between him and Elain who he knew, he knew, wanted him as badly as he wanted her. Because of course she did. Because whatever this was, whatever was happening between them, was otherworldly and impossible to ignore.

And good luck to them, was the last though Azriel had before he leaned in. Good luck to anyone who ever dare stand between him and her, because he’d kill them - he’d fucking kill them.

Despite his body beating like a drum for Elain’s melody, he did not kiss her right away. Once he’d accepted that he would kiss her, once he’d come to that inevitable conclusion it felt like a thousand doors of golden light opened before his eyes, and it took everything he had to not sob with joy.

All those fantasies he had revelled in for the past year that had been shrouded in a miasma of fantasy and shame, rolled through his mind clear as day. He could kiss her lips. Those soft pads of blushing rose that he had already committed to memory. Or he could trace down and press his lips to the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder, a crook of intimacy that he’d already figured out from watching her protect it with her hands when someone stood behind her. He could kiss her temples, her cheeks, her throat - every fucking inch of her.

Now that his resolve had snapped like an elastic band stretched too far, he found that he was finally free. Looking at her he hadn’t realised how long he had taken, how slowly he was leaning in until Elain’s fingers suddenly gripped the leathers across his chest and her brows furrowed as she pulled closer to him, her eyes dark and desperate, her mouth wet and parted as she half-gasped, half-whispered, “Please....Azriel...”

He did moan then. A low, throaty sound that escaped him at the sound of his name intertwined with her breathy gasps. He snapped.

He had intended to savour every second of kissing her, but the moment his lips touched hers, he felt fire. Elain’s hands ran up his chest before intertwining themselves in his hair as she pulled herself against him and he moaned again, the second time in a minute, into her mouth. Because he could feel her, all of her, pressed against his hot throbbing body. The soft pressure of her breasts, the bones of her hips, even one of her legs had tucked between his own, the sides of their knees brushing together. She was going to kill him. She was going to fucking kill him.

And then there was her mouth. Softer than petals, and so obviously hers in taste and touch. Every time their lips brushed, every time he felt her perfect breath mingling with his own, shivers erupted across his body. Unable to stop himself he brushed back her hair before firmly grasping the side of her neck, his hand was so large against her velvet skin that he knew he could probably hold her entire throat in one hand. He put it there as an ode to the last time he’d been here. He’d put it there as a fuck you to fate.

His other hand curled around her waist and pressed against her back where - and he moaned again - Elain’s exposed skin greeted him.

He wanted to take her right her. Wanted to lie her down on the carpet and bury his head between her thighs as he had done so many times before in his fantasies. How he ached to taste her, all of her, to pin her writhing thighs back with one hand and wrists with the other. He wanted to look at her perfect angelic face as he made her sing sinful sounds for him. Wanted to make her toes curl and back arch as she came on his tongue. Again, and again, and again.

Elain tugged slightly on Azriel’s hair and he was thrust back into his body, back into the present, and he had to stifle another moan because those thousands of fantasies had nothing, nothing, on this.

In response to Elain’s needy tug, Azriel bent slightly and curled a hand around the back of each of her thighs and hoisted her up against his chest. Elain, much to his delight, snapped her legs around him as he lifted her against his chest, their lips still ferociously dancing. He only had to walk a few paces to set her against the edge of the lobby table, but that particular move was one that had been haunting him more recently of late.

He went to pull away after she was set down on the wooden tabletop. He wanted to see her, with her hair ruffled and her cheeks flushed, her lips swollen and her chest heaving. He wanted to commit that image to memory because there was still some part of him that could not believe this was real.

But as he moved to step back, Elain caught him off guard as her legs tightened from where they were wrapped around his hips, something of a growl arising from the back of her throat as she fisted his leathers and pulled him against her. Azriel obeyed her, like a puppy on a leash, leaning his hands against the table, either side of her hips, in order to stay standing.

She was flushed against him once more. Her breasts pushed against his chest which felt suffocated by the Illyrian leathers, he ached to have her skin brushing against his own, but all in good time. He slipped his tongue into her mouth then and revelled in the juxtaposing thrill and relaxation of exploring her in this way. But there was still an inch of space between their hips. He didn’t know why he left it there, even when Elain dragged him against her, perhaps it was because he knew the minute they were aligned in cardinal perfection, there would be no turning back. He would be hers and vice versa, and she would be his muse and his priority, and he would put her before everything - even his High Lord.

To steady himself, Azriel made the mistake of taking his hand and bracing himself on Elain’s thigh. What he was not expecting was for his palm to find the soft, exposed flesh of her leg from where her dress must’ve mischievously ridden upwards when he had lifted her.

Purely on instinct, Azriel moaned and drove his hips forward into her core, earning a breathy sigh from them both as they finally found an inch of friction in their writhing. There was only fabric now. Measly layers of fabric that came between them.

“Fuck...” Elain gasped into his mouth and some outrageously animalistic part of him growled in satisfaction at having pulled a sinful swear from her angelic mouth. Azriel kept one hand against the wood near her hips to stay steady, to stop himself from grounding his hips into her like an uncontrollable beast, the other stayed on the warm, smooth flesh of her exposed thigh.

Slowly, he began to trace rough circles with his thumb on her inner thigh earning a flutter of breathy sighs to dance from her lips which pleased his soul to no avail. Azriel parted from her lips and began to pepper kisses along her jawline as he torturously inched his thumb up, inch by inch with each circle. When Azriel began to kiss and suck on the spot just below her ear he allowed himself to peek at her as he worked.

Her head was tilted back slightly, her throat bobbing as high hums fluttered from her. If he could paint he would paint the perfect blush of her swollen lips. If he were a poet he would turn her breathy moans into the sweetest of sonnets. And then she tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth as a soft moan escaped her and he had to look away, if only to stop himself from reaching down and fisting himself at the sight of it.

With his head turned Azriel hissed out of surprise as his thumb rubbed against a sticky sweetness coating her inner thigh. God she was wet. And as he rubbed further, coating his thumb in her essence, he had to bite his cheek as to not come in his pants like a schoolboy. Azriel stopped rubbing circles in favour for taking his first finger and tracing back and forth over the highest point of her thigh, slow and torturous as he familiarised himself with the feel of her. His heart threatening to beat out of his chest when his fingers brushed against a lacy frill at the apex of her thigh. Tilting his head Azriel was able to husk into her ear.

“What do you want Elain?” His voice was low and breathy before he caught her lobe between his teeth. Another shuddering gasp floated from her lips. 

“I want you to touch me...and I don’t want you stop,” the sound of her voice so mingled with pleasure and need was almost enough to undo him. “Ever,” She went on, “Not until I don’t know my own name.” 

She was going to kill him. Growling in satisfaction he rewarded her answer with one quick brush over her lace underthing's, the touch was like electricity for them both. Elain physically tremored as Azriel finally brushed where she needed him most, and Azriel shuddered at the contact with the girl of his dreams. 

“Please, Azriel,” Azriel stilled for a moment, wondering how she would react to his instinctual next move. His particular flavour of making love.

“Say that again,” He said slowly, his voice barely more than a brutal, low husk. As he spoke Azriel allowed some of his power to ebb into the words, the siphons a top his hands guttering as they came to life. It felt slightly wrong to use such a voice on her, the one he so often used with enemies, but Azriel watched as Elain’s lips parted, her pupils expanding as her breath grew heavy in response to his dominant voice. Oh, Azriel couldn’t help but think in agonising awe. Maybe his deep assumptions, the ones that only haunted him in that void he entered before he fell asleep, were true. That Elain, the purest of sisters, was also the filthiest.

“Please, Az,” Her voice was breathy and pleading, but there was something alight in her eyes as she begged him.

“Good girl,” Azriel couldn’t stop himself from husking as he peeled back the top of the lace. They both stared unwaveringly into each other’s eyes as Azriel dipped his hands along her, not touching just hovering. He held his hand there, an inch away from where she needed him most, waiting until she almost whimpered before he slid a single finger slowly through her folds. 

Her reaction was blissful to see. The way she bit her lip, her back arched, and her eyes fluttered shut. Azriel moved with her, his own mouth parted, and brows furrowed as he stroked her again.

“Don’t close your eyes,” He murmured in his voice of steel, “Look at me.” Elain’s eyes snapped open, and it was his turn to be caught off guard. Gone was the hazelnut colour, even the sensuous black he had somehow lulled them into, what met him was the colour of bright honey and her eyes, they were glowing. They stood out like gemstones being pierced by golden light. It was then that Azriel began to take note of their surroundings and realise that the thrumming was not just happening inside him but all around him. Ripple after ripple of raw, ancient power was bleeding from Elain, fizzing into the air and turning the entire foyer into something alive and electric. A shiver ran along Azriel’s entire body as his own powers itched to sing in harmony with hers; cobalt energy rising to meet her golden light.

Her folds were dripping, and he was having an internal debate on whether or not to rip off her underwear. On one hand he would have better access, he would be able to pleasure her better, and he could even push her back against the table and lower his head and taste her. On the other, he couldn’t stand being disconnected from her for a second. 

Whilst he debated, he slowly raked his finger up her again before finding that small bundle of nerves. When he caught it with his fingertip and began to drag slow, luxurious circles over it, a throaty, guttural moan escaped her lips. He bit his cheek again. He wondered if anyone had fucked her like this and again, that pride bloomed when he realised that he might be the first. Not her first, but the first person to show her the true ecstasy of pleasure.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck,” Elain gasped as her head fell forward on his shoulder. Azriel allowed the eye contact to break, too absorbed by the feeling of having Elain writhing under his fingers to care.

He’d always thought that he could die a happy man if ever he was blessed enough to experience such a joy as Elain Archeron, but now he realised what a stupid notion that was. Because Elain wasn’t cause for death but cause for life. He’d live for Elain, Azriel realised. Elain who was writhing and mewling into his shoulder as he slowly brought her to the ecstasy she deserved. She was close and following this he would winnow them away to either his unused apartment in central Velaris, or deep in the gardens on this summer night, where they would be entirely alone, and everything would be perfect. And once they’d had their fill on the pure bliss of one another they could talk about everything, and they’d find a solution and they’d work it out, and everything would be okay - and then Rhysand walked in, and everything came crashing down.

Some part of Azriel’s hazy mind had been aware of the movement deep in the house but it had been so, so inconsequential compared to what was in front of him. And his shadows, well his shadows were nowhere to be seen, not with golden light quite literally thrumming from Elain. There had been no warning, and as Rhys met Azriel’s eye when he still had his fingers flush against Elain some primal part of Azriel reared its head.

In an instant Azriel’s siphons were spluttering to life as power surged through Azriel, his wings instinctively flaring as wide as they would stretch, so that the cresting talon of each wing scraped into the polished walls. Rhys, who was standing at the edge of the foyer, an unrecognisable expression scorched into his face, was a threat at that moment, and the whole world seemed to still as Azriel slowly came down from the high of his arousal.

Slowly, Azriel removed his hand from Elain’s underwear and smoothed down her skirts to cover her legs, all the while never moving his eyes from Rhys. He didn’t care if he was in for the doghouse, didn’t give a shit about what consequences his happiness had just induced - Elain came first.

And right now, even though it was a ludicrous thought, Azriel was preparing himself to protect Elain from Rhysand. Elain’s whose nightgown had slipped down her shoulder, whose eyes were wide as she glanced over her shoulder at her brother-in-law, exposed and vulnerable just as she’d been on the worst night of her life.

“Azriel,” Rhysand finally spoke and Azriel shifted slightly to pull Elain closer to his chest. “My office...now.” It seemed as though all sense of formality had dropped as Rhysand’s High Lord voice billowed into the room. Azriel didn’t speak, didn’t move either, just shifted his eyes to Elain whose face was blanch and confused.

“Can’t this wait?” Azriel asked, his voice low and full of strength. Instantly he realised that he should’ve worded his question better. He didn’t want time in order to finish off what he and Elain had begun, but rather to give Elain a moment to breathe, for her to fix her dress and smooth her hair, for her to do whatever she needed to do before she was forced to face her family. Rhysand’s eyes darkened, and he entered the room in a low stride, both hands digging deep into his pockets. Azriel moved instantly, stepping around Elain to put himself in front of her as Rhysand approached.

Without a word Rhysand came closer and closer, and Azriel continued to stretch his wings to cover Elain from whatever vitriol was about to be thrown his way. But Rhysand didn’t say anything, he didn’t even move suddenly, just reached out a single hand until it was barely touching Azriel’s arm as darkness surrounded them both.

Before Azriel even had a chance to realise that Rhysand was winnowing them away – away from Elain – they were standing in his office, and Azriel couldn’t help but shake his head at the slight Deja-vu of the whole situation. Except this time, he wouldn’t be bounding himself in shackles, he’d be setting himself free, whether Rhys wanted him to or not.

Azriel was standing in front of the large mahogany desk of Rhysand’s office whilst it’s owner moved behind it, one hand still in his pocket. Already the air in the room was taut with energy, as though the very air were cowering in the face of the upcoming argument. And still Azriel’s mind was still thinking of the girl in the foyer, her name like a mantra beating through his body,

“Put your cock away Azriel,” Rhys immediately spat in response to the ripples of cobalt energy rippling from Azriel’s form. Azriel didn’t deem the childish comment with a retort, though his arousal was already gone, and quickly replaced by the tautness of anger and frustration. His shadows had returned to him now that he was away from Elain, and they were writhing uncontrollably around his legs and back.

Azriel stayed standing, folding his arms over his chest just for something to do. It was then that Rhys sighed heavily, leaning against his desk and hanging his head. He wasn’t as tired nor as desperate as when they’d last spoken like this - of this. No, now Rhys had everything. Everything he had ever, and could ever want, and now his fight lay in protecting the paradise he had found in Feyre and Nyx. Whilst Azriel was still in the dark, still alone, still secretly in agony - they were not the same.

“I gave you the simplest of orders,” Rhys sighed like a disappointed father and something brutally aggressive awoke in Azriel. How dare he, how dare Rhys speak to him like that?

“I know,” Azriel said, his voice indiscernible and calm. Rhys swung his head up to glare at Azriel, something emotional lingering in his violet eyes.

“You know? Then, Azriel, why did you take it upon yourself to disobey me?” Azriel’s grip on his biceps tightened. 

“Elain is...” Azriel began before he had to lower his eyes. What was Elain? How could he explain to Rhys the inexplicable way he felt about the angelic gardener? The effect she had on him, it was both irrational and yet made perfect sense. And right now, he could barely focus with knowing that somewhere in this house she was looking around confused, wondering what the hell had just happened. “She’s important to me. More than you realise.”

“She has a mate.”

“That is irrelevant-”

“Irrelevant?” Rhysand looked as though he might laugh and Azriel once more gripped his arms tight enough to bruise. “I thought I made it perfectly clear to you Azriel that the bond between Elain and Lucien-” Azriel growled at his name, Rhys ignored him, “-is paramount to the civility between us and not just the Autumn Court, not just the Spring Court or the Day Court, but also the Band of Exiles and the Human realms.”

“And have you ever wondered if maybe Elain deserves better?”

“Better than Lucien-” Rhys practically squawked. 

“No,” Azriel growled, allowing his anger to show, “Better than us. Better than a family who reduce her to little more than a political pawn-”

“She is my sister,” Rhysand spat, standing up straight with a newfound intensity. “Don’t you dare question my treatment of her, don’t you dare suggest I don’t care for her.”

“Are you truly so out of touch that you do not see the shackles you’ve tied around her wrists?” Azriel uncurled his arms, “You’ve stripped her of any choice-”

“This is not about choice!”

“This has everything to do with choice!”

“Elain is a valued member of my family but also of my court. As her High Lord, I have made a difficult decision but one that will undoubtedly strengthen this us in the now impending war. It was a tough decision and if you want me to be the bad guy, fine, I’ll be the bad guy, but you will obey my orders as this is the best choice for Elain.”

“Then why don’t you ask her,” Azriel growled, grappling with the internal leash on his powers, “Why don’t you actually include her in the decisions you’ve made about her life.”

“I don’t know what you’re insinuating,” Rhys flicked invisible lint from his suit, “But Elain is a valued member of these discussions.” 

“Then why isn’t she here?” Azriel husked quietly, full of venom. Rhysand apparently didn’t have anything to say to that, so Azriel went on. “You claim to value choice Rhysand, and yet you’ve stripped Elain of not just her own volition, but the simple knowledge of the choices made about her life.”

There was something bitter clanging through Azriel as he spat the words, he knew what it was, it was a word - hypocrite. Because whilst Azriel was fighting for Elain, really he should be allowing for Elain to fight for herself. He should’ve left the office the minute Rhysand winnowed them and searched for Elain. He should’ve told her, all those months ago, about why he could no longer be around her. And that’s why Elain deserved better, better than Rhys and better than him, because even now they talked of her rather than with her.

“You are to stay away from her,” Rhysand said at last, glaring out the study’s window almost as though he was ignoring Azriel.

“I can’t do that. Not anymore,” Azriel husked, and Rhys paused, catching Azriel’s eye before he hastily looked to the side and raked a hand through his hair. 

“I told you, Azriel. I told you to stay away from Ly-” Both Azriel and Rhys’ eyes widened at the name that nearly fell from Rhysand’s lips. A revelation occurring to them both as the name Rhys’ long deceased sister was brought into the room. “Elain,” Rhys corrected himself, acting unbothered by his slip. “I told you stay away.”

Azriel didn’t know how to respond. He’d spend hours in training rings, on long haul flights or espionage ventures thinking of this specific argument. The way he’d tell Rhys all the things he should’ve said on that Solstice night, about the disservice they were both doing to Elain, about how it was outrageous of Rhys to demand Azriel put politics before his happiness after, well, everything. 

After Azriel had spent 500 years alone with only a doomed infatuation with a woman who would never love him back. After Azriel had always favoured to be alone, to suffer in silence, to take the blame, and now he finally had an out. After Azriel had to put up with both his brothers finding their perfect happiness, Rhys himself almost starting a war by perusing and protecting Feyre.

Why was it so different for him? Why was it the moment Azriel had happiness within an arm’s reach there were a thousand excuses for him not to have it? What was so poisonous about his desires? About him?

“She’s not Lydia,” Azriel said at last. It was a low blow. Especially since Rhys had so clearly tried to cover up his slip a moment ago. “For one, you would never treat Lydia with such little respect. Elain is her own person and I’m not going to fight with you, or Lucien, or anyone for that matter like she’s some kind of prize.”

This argument was too real. Of course, they’d had arguments before, all three of them had. Azriel could remember a particularly nasty one between Cassian and Rhys where they hadn’t spoken for a year, Azriel bouncing between them like an owl. But this wasn’t a brotherly squabble, not when the stakes were so high.

Rhys sighed, still not meeting Azriel’s eye as a muscle in his jaw ticked. It seemed as though the High Lord also understood the irregularity of the dispute, or maybe he was just furious at facing his own errors, at his spymaster criticising him on failing someone so important on a matter which Rhysand prided himself on - the volition of the women in his life. After what happened with his mother and his sister, to find out he was now failing his new family must be driving him mad.

“You just can’t keep it in your pants can you Azriel?” 

It may have been less shocking if Rhys had just leaned over and stabbed Azriel in the gut. His words clanged into the air with a sour metallic taste, and for a moment Azriel lost his breath, his jaw slackening as his shock registered before he could swiftly cover the expression with the mask of steel he’d perfected. The silence following the comment was perhaps worse than the blow itself. Now it was Azriel who couldn’t stand looking at his brother. He didn’t care if Rhys looked apologetic, didn’t care for him at all. 

“Do you really think so low of me?” Azriel’s voice was deathly quiet, before he finally shifted his eyes up to see the raw regret plastered on his brothers face.

“No, I-” A vicious knock came at the door then, interrupting whatever apology Rhys was going to throw his way.

“Open the door,” Came Elain’s voice, more brutal than he’d ever heard it before. Something electric shot through Azriel at the sound of it, of her. If anything, her voice was a reminder that this was real, that his hair was tousled, and lips swollen because of Elain-fucking-Archeron.

Rhys didn’t move for the door, so Azriel did. Turning around, he walked the length of Rhys’ office to the large double oak doors and pulled one back without hesitation. He knew she deserved to be here, that she should’ve been here from the start. 

Azriel was so set on opening the door for the sake of justice and fairness that he momentarily forget that it was Elain on the other side, and the sight of her made his breath stop in his throat. Her hair was still ruffled from where he had raked his hands through it, and her lips still blushed from where he had tugged on them with his teeth. There was also a faint flush of her cheeks, either from their previous activities or from running through the River House searching for him and his brother.

Something electric and charged ran the entire length of his body at the sight of her - not arousal, something deeper. And by the way her glowing eyes drank him in, he knew she felt it too. Azriel stepped aside and let her pass into the office and walk up to Rhysand’s desk. As he followed her, something bitter twisted in his gut - whatever was blooming between himself and the gardener was a thing to celebrate. Such love, light and warmth in his life which had thus far consisted of cold loneliness was a joyous and wonderful thing. And yet he was made to feel ashamed of his happiness, by his brother. His own damn brother.

“What’s going on?” Elain spoke in her traditionally soft voice, but even Rhys must’ve picked up and the unwavering steel that seeped from her tone, so similar to Nesta’s pitch. 

“Nothing, Elain. Just a dispute between myself and Azriel. It’s nothing you need concern yourself with,” Rhysand’s easy smile warmed through his cheeks and Azriel was sure he was going to punch him before the night was out.  

“Don’t lie to me Rhysand, it’s not a good look for a High Lord,” Elain spoke smoothly, folding her arms over her chest as Azriel had done moments ago. Rhys’ expression only flickered in response. “Now, what’s going on?” Elain asked again.

“Well,” Rhysand began, “Me and Azriel have been discussing you actually, you see, your bond with Lucien is unfortunately paramount to a lot of peace and unity between our court and others.” Rhysand looked blankly at Evie as he spoke, completely dethatched from the emotional anger he’d unleashed on Azriel moments ago.

“Is this about me breaking the bond?” Elain said, her voice smooth like honey, healing the sparking energy in the room as Azriel and Rhysand had geared up for a fight. Something about the question twisted Azriel’s guts. It was her terminology; it was all wrong. There was no such thing as breaking a bond, one could reject it and render the attachment limp and lifeless, but breaking a bond was only achieved in death, and even then some believe the bond to continue in the next life. It was just a reminder that Elain knew nothing about this world, Lucien had placed the acceptance or rejection of the bond in her hands, but she did not even know what either option would truly entail. Her education, it was another thing they’d all failed her on.

“If you wish to reject your bond with Lucien I, nor anyone in this court, will prevent you from doing so,” Rhysand said smoothly, “However, given the current political climate, I must say it would be best to leave this till after the war.” Elain did not look away as she thought.

“I don’t want the bond,”

“That’s perfectly okay-”

“No,” Elain interrupted, “I don’t want the bond at all. I don’t want to have to accept or reject anything - I just don’t want it...you....you don’t know what it’s like, to be pulled apart limb by limb, and be remade against your will, to find yourself destroyed and then re-crafted by something as unapologetic as the Cauldron itself. I was violated to the most extravagant degree and when I finally came around, when I finally managed to find something recognisable in myself, months after that night, I came around to find that I had been reduced to some ancient claim a stranger possessed over me. You are all kind, and you all mean well, but I know you all see myself as his.

“It was on the worst night of my life, the night when I had been pulled apart till I was only vessels and blood, he called me his. He is not a bad person I can see that,” her voice wobbled slightly then, “He is kind and witty, he’s working harder than any of you for the forgiveness of my sister. He doesn’t deserve…” She choked up slightly, but cleared her throat to cover it up, “He’s not bad…but this bond is terrible, it’s worst then terrible, it’s suffocating. And when I think of that bond, tied around my ribs like some kind of violating shackle, I just think of how it felt to suffocate on black water...that’s what this bond means to me, it’s a violation on top of a violation. So, to hear that to you, this bond gives you a political advantage, that you get a gain out of it and that you wish me to continue living in torment I...

“I wish I could be sorry about feeling this way, but I don’t. I have stayed quiet, and I have played the role you needed me to play. I keep out of your way; I busy myself with the gardens and dinner and I do everything I can to not bare my teeth every time he visits. But I...” Her wide, damp eyes turned to look at Azriel, “I have found something living in the never ending grave of my life. After I found myself again, all those months after the Cauldron, it felt as though it was only then I emerged from the black water. After I found...” She trailed off, stilling holding Azriel’s eye, “...I was not just out the black water, but back on the ground.” 

A small silence settled over the room as Azriel and Elain found themselves quickly lost in one another again, Rhys was merely glancing between the two, his mind whirring as he tried to click together the puzzle in front of him.

“I tried Rhys…I really did,” Azriel finally whispered into the heavy silence, still not looking away from his beloved. “I’ve done everything short of chaining myself in the dungeons to stay away, but I can’t.” It wasn’t until the words had left Azriel’s mouth that he realised his error. And it wasn’t until Elain’s brows furrowed and her eyes moved to Rhysand, that he felt his heart drop.

“What?” Elain whispered. One of the thousand questions she no doubt harvested. Azriel couldn’t look away from her, couldn’t meet his brothers eye. He had this awful feeling now twisting his guts, the feeling that everything was about to come crashing down.

“I ordered Azriel to stay away from you,” Rhys said evenly. Always the honest man.

“I...what?” Elain spluttered softly, her eyes narrowing on Rhysand. “What?”

“He called me away on solstice night when I was about to kiss you, that’s why I stopped.” That’s why I called it a mistake. Elain’s eyes burned even brighter and Azriel wondered if he should’ve held his tongue. If he should’ve just waited to have this conversation tomorrow where whatever ancient power that was stirring in Elain had calmed down. Now Elain’s glowing eyes seemed to fill the room with golden light, even the black night shrouding Rhysand’s figure ebbed back and inch.

“What?” Elain’s voice rung out, the magic in the room quickly turning volatile.

“I am sorry Elain; I didn’t mean to meddle with your private affairs, but with Lucien under the same roof it would’ve been too risky for those in the house. He could’ve invoked something called a ‘blood duel’.” Of course, Elain didn’t know that, of course none of her friends or family had taken the time to explain that to her. 

“You…you sanctimonious dick,” Elain spat. Had it been any other day, Azriel would’ve had to fight an astonished grin at hearing the words on her lips, but not tonight, not when everything was turning so morbid in front of his eyes.

“I’m sorry Elain, I truly am. But I’m not just your brother-in-law but your High Lord and I cannot risk my entire court for the mild infatuation of a-”

“Don’t speak to her like that,” The words were writhing in venom as Azriel spat them out. He would go down with her. 

“No, Azriel, you don’t speak to me like that,” And with that Rhys’ last straw was gone. In an instant his power was billowing into the room in clouds of black smoke. Rhys acting in such a way in front of Elain, who was already vulnerable, her dress already ruffled and her eyes wide in alarm, made Azriel furious.

“I am your high lord, Azriel, and I gave you a direct command and you have disobeyed me-” Without thinking Azriel’s own icy power rose to the surface, his siphons lighting on fire at the surge. If Elain was frightened by their display of bottomless power she did not show it, perhaps as her own fire was still burning vividly behind her eyes, perhaps since she knew she had more power than them both.

“Have you ever thought perhaps you stepped out of line by asking such a thing of me?” Azriel had never heard his voice so loud and angry before. He didn’t do this. His arguments were stoic and brutal, but mostly silent. He never fought politics - he carved into people who were in chains, and when there was an argument he stayed in the shadows and listened.

“You are my spymaster-”

“I am your brother!” Azriel’s choked sob echoed into the room. “Do I not deserve to be happy?” Rhysand at least had the decency to flinch, to reel back and allow his jaw to slacken in shock.

“Of course, you deserve to be happy brother,” Rhysand’s voice was low and strangled, “But this isn’t just romance – it’s never just romance – this will be a battle-”

“And I’m willing to fight!” Azriel roared, his hands slamming into Rhysand’s desk, his power causing the entire house to shudder, right down to the foundations.

“Azriel,” Rhys’ voice was deathly quiet, “I need you to calm down.” For a moment Azriel didn’t understand, his mind was so focused on Elain, on his own shuddering heart and writhing powers that he simply could not comprehend the words that came out his brothers mouth. Finally, the message registered in his mind and he became aware of his shadows, flourishing and filling the entire room, crawling over the windows and blocking out all the light. The only way he was seeing Rhysand was via the golden glow that came from Elain’s eyes. Disgust racked through his body at the sight of the manifestation of his swirling pain, but before he could do anything, the leash on his powers snapped.

“Azriel-” The next series of events was a blur. Power billowed into the room in a quick explosion, God knows whose it was. Perhaps it was initially Azriel who had finally lost control on that leash on his Illyrian gifts, perhaps Rhysand moved to repress Azriel’s powers with his own, premature or not. Maybe the quiet Elain had had enough of the noise. In an instant, a cocktail of three brands of magic billowed towards each other before exploding outwards, sending a wave of pure, unhinged chaos through the room, the house, and the whole of Velaris.

They all were thrown back from each other, Rhys flying up and landing on his feet, bracing himself against the ornamental globe as his wings appeared and flared. But even he, the most powerful High Lord in history had his knees bent and his arms raised as he braced himself against the fizzling aftershock of the ancient power that tore through the air. Azriel’s centuries of training kicked in as he was catapulted the length of the room, his own wings flared to slow his flight before he caught himself on the doorframe, the weighty wooden doors having flung open, it took an immense amount of physical upper body strength to keep himself upright as the wave of power subsided, his teeth grinding together as his muscles screamed.

But he wasn’t aware of the pain of his screaming muscles, wasn’t thinking about how his wings were in danger of being shredded by the power that ripped through the room. There was only one person, that his entire being seemed to lurch for as his mind screamed her name over and over. Elain.

Elain.

Elain.

He had seen as her pale form was flung away from him towards the cabinets, had heard the shattering of glass over the howling in his ears. Of course, he and Rhysand were okay, they had centuries of power and training under their belts but Elain…Elain didn’t have training, and she had flown through the air the fastest, taking the brunt of the powers rebound, her small form crashing into the case of Rhysand’s prized artefacts.

The minute Azriel had control of his own body and wasn’t being thrust back into the hallway, he winnowed to her, stepped into the shadows with a haste and urgency he’d never felt before. Wrong. He’d felt this fear before, he recognised it’s taste from the poisonous memories of that night Elain had been ripped away from them, leaving behind nothing but a vacant cot and warm sheets. Memories of that night often haunted his dreams; how ridiculously lucky they had gotten that they had reached Elain minutes before the King of Hybern got his hands on her. In his dreams he was too late. In his nightmares he fails her, and by the time he and Feyre find the tent she’s already gone. Sometimes there’s a body, and sometimes his unconscious mind is kind enough to just leave behind her lingering scent. That night he learned what it was like to truly fear, to have the blood leave your body, to feel the world still.

And that’s what the world did as he stepped onto the other side of the shadows. Elain was crumpled on the floor underneath the large bay windows, moonlight streaming into the mutilated room and illuminating her still form. It was as though the starlight was searching for her, reaching out to her with hands made of silver shadows.

Glass crunched under Azriel’s boots as he took a step forward, and another, and another. Because he could scent it before he saw it – the blood. The sour metallic taste that clogged up the air, interwoven with her own delicate scent. Wrong, it was so wrong, to have Elain’s scent fused with that of blood. She was facing away from him, crumpled on her side in a foetal position, and he could see her arms, her beautiful nimble arms so like the legs of a doe, limp on the floor and marred with what seemed to be a thousand cuts.

Her blood was black in the moonlight, and was colouring her beautiful, beautiful night dress. The roaring in Azriel’s ears was nothing short of explosive. And before him he saw a black wave, taller than the Ramiel, heading straight for him. One that was made of self-loathing, anger, frustration and agony, and as he dropped to his knees in front of Elain he felt it wash over him, burying him deeper in himself than he’d ever been before, and he knew he would not resurface.

Slowly, as not to hurt her further, Azriel rolled Elain over onto her back and into his lap. With shaky fingers he pushed back her hair, just as he had done less than an hour earlier. Her eyes were shut again, but this time he didn’t look at her face for beauty, but for a sign of life.

“Elain…” He whispered; his voice was softer than petals. She did not stir.

“Elain…” He murmured again as he bowed his head and pressed it against her chest, sticky blood rubbing against his cheek as he did so. For a moment it was all silent, and Azriel felt the world drop away, felt himself falling through bottomless black water only to never resurface.

And then there it was. The familiar ‘thu-thump’ beating slow and steady in her chest, the sweetest melody Azriel had ever heard. But before he could revel in the relief of Elain being alive, movement at the side of his eye made him snap his head, turn up his top lip and let loose a nothing but feral growl. It was his brother, and a small wave of shame rolled through him at having behaved in such a way to someone whom he owed so much.

“Azriel…” Rhysand’s voice was soothing, calm, “She’s having a vision…look, Azriel look. She’s okay, she’s just having a vision.”

And so, he looked again and yes, she was having a vision. Behind her eyelids Azriel could see her pupils flurrying side to side as though she were engaged in some riveting dream.

She’s having a vision; she’s having a vision. His shadows chanted to him, running up his back and whispering in his ear. It didn’t soothe him, but rather caused the cloud of anger around him to disappear, so that he was numb again. Some movement deep in the house pulled at his attention, but it was like a ribbon trying to move an ocean, there was nothing for it to hold onto.

And soon both men were turning to the worst thing of all: Feyre and Nesta, standing at the doorway looking at their sister unresponsive in a pool of blood, both primed and ready to kill. 

“Get away from her.” Nesta’s voice clanged through the room like steel as she strode forward, seeming to fill the broken room with her strength alone. As she moved she revealed a slightly dazed Cassian behind her, still dressed in his night clothes and yet armed to the teeth, clearly having been awoken in a haste. Rhys took a step back, there was too much power, too much energy, in the room already, provoking Nesta would surely lead them all to their sudden deaths.

Then there was Feyre, walking into the room behind her sister, quiet but observant, the perfect High Lady. She seemed to assess everything around her. The tautness of her husband’s stature, the silent flood of emotions that seemed to be rippling from her spymaster, Elain’s shallow breaths and bloodied night gown. After a moment of quiet assessment, she moved forth to the stoic and emotionless figure of her shadowsinger.

“Azriel,” Rhys recognised Feyre’s tone as she approached his brother, it was the tone she used with Nyx, motherly and soft. Azriel pulled his eyes from Elain to look at Feyre vacantly. “It’s okay, everything’s going to be okay…but I need you to let me take her.” Azriel’s mouth contorted in pain as he pulled Elain slighter closer to his chest.

“I know,” Feyre whispered, dropping to her knees next to him, not caring that her own silken nightgown was turning splotchy and red. “I know it’s hard but everything’s going to be okay. She’s my sister, and I as your High Lady will not let anything harm her.” There’s no need, Azriel thought bitterly as he looked down at Elain’s deathly pale skin, her abuser is here, right in front of you. The only harm you need protect her from, is me.

But he didn’t say any of that out loud, he wasn’t even sure his voice would work for him in that moment. Azriel didn’t quite hand Elain over to Feyre, rather he just let his arms go limp around her, and Feyre was able to scoop her sister out of his arms as though they were passing Nyx from one another. Every instinct Azriel had was screaming at him to take Elain back, to at least look at her unconscious form in Feyre’s arms as they moved away from him, but he kept his eyes on the floor, now kneeling to only the pools of Elain’s blood.

Voices began to erupt around him in hushes whispers, he could distantly hear Rhysand guiding his subjects through the plan, explaining to them what had happened whilst withholding the reason why. It was all numb to him as he continued to float under that black wave, sinking deeper and deeper, their voices were above the surface and so they just sounded warbled and strange.

But one movement did catch Azriel’s eye. It cut through the room’s silent chaos like a knife, a figure appearing at the ruined doorway that caught Azriel’s attention the same way an earthquake would. It was him.

Lucien.

“What happened?” Lucien growled out and something roared in Azriel. He knew that tone of voice, could smell the mate-tarnished anger that was rolling out of him. That animalistic claim on the woman Azriel had nearly lost himself in only moments ago. That’s why he was here, because he would’ve felt the energy down the bond, because even though he was at the other end of Prythian with his own family, he had that claim. 

“She’s okay,” Feyre breathed softly as she lifted her sister up into her arms, “Her cuts are already healing, it looks worse than it is. She’s just had a vision so it might take a while for her to come around.” Feyre’s voice was so like her husband’s, even and balanced, reassuring everyone in the room that everything was okay, even if that were not necessarily true.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Azriel didn’t want to hate Lucien, even now he could see that the Autumn son was grappling with the bond that was no doubt screaming at him to rip his mate from Feyre’s arms and winnow them both to the other side of the continent. Azriel knew, because he felt it too. Like Elain he didn’t really hate Lucien, he hated the bond, hated what it told him about himself, clear as day, that he wasn’t worthy of Elain. And though some part of him already assumed just as much, no one was so self-deprecating to not at least hold of a sliver of hope in the face of such agony.

“She’s fine,” Nesta snarled at Lucien, one hand on Feyre’s shoulder, the other on Elain’s pale and bloodied forehead as she guided her sisters towards to mutilated door frame. They were right to take their sister away from the scene, God knew that no one there could help Elain now.

And so Elain disappeared around the corner, and Azriel slowly brought himself off the floor, trying to ignore the sight of his marred hands, covered in her blood.

What...even...Cassian’s voice swam into Rhys mind, dripping in confusion and concern. Did you and Az have a fight?

Rhys put off audibly groaning. Whenever he and Az fought it was normally not difficult to keep Cassian oblivious, he didn’t always pick up and stuff like that and sometimes it was just easier to deal with debates behind closed doors. Not to treat Cassian as his and Az’s overgrown child, it was just that Cassian was never meant to be a mediator.

It’s complicated, Rhys reported back keeping his voice level and calm - his High Lord voice.

I’ll let you off for tonight but, Rhys, you have to let me help you. Especially when it comes to Az. He was right of course, just like Azriel had been.

Deal, Rhys shot back, for tonight I need eyes on Az, I don’t care if he pushes you away I need someone with him at all times, at least until Elain comes around. We’ll re-group then. Cassian didn’t respond besides the smallest of nods. He stayed where he was, more awake now with his eyes trained on their other brother, and Rhys knew Cassian wouldn’t take his eyes off him for the foreseeable future.

Rhysand couldn’t help but sigh, it’s not as though Azriel or Lucien were aware of him to notice. This was a mess. Worse than a mess, it was a catastrophe. Everything Azriel had said was right but, he had broken his order, he had defied rank in a way he’d never done before and that squeezed something deep in Rhysand’s gut. Above all he needed to be able to trust his friends, so that when push came to shove he’d be able to make the tough decisions and his friends would let him go into the belly of the beast. But tonight, that had changed. Everything had changed.

And Elain, Elain who he had nearly called by his sisters name, she’d stood up for herself tonight. And then there was the situation of her powers, savage and rippling out of her like a beast. He had tasted those powers when they’d tore out of her, and they were ancient. The same power that was interwoven in the very fields of the earth, concentrated in the form of the sweetest girl of all. Rhys knew at least a thousand fae who would pay a hefty price to possess Elain, a hundred who might be willing to go to war - and then there were the Fae who would claw for her hand, the noblemen who would see her for her potential offspring. Rhysand physically shuddered as he sent his wings away.

Yes, tonight had been a catastrophe all right.

Rhysand looked away from Cassian’s half-hidden grimace and turned to the two males standing off, the blood of the woman they were unspokenly fighting over still pooling across the hardwood floors. Lucien glaring with restrained anger at Azriel, his masculine mating bond clogging up the air, whilst Azriel wore an impenetrable mask, hiding the bottomless torment and agony that was no doubt running rife in the shadowsinger, as he stared at the weeping puddle of Elain’s blood.

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Reminiscing // Elijah Mikaelson

Summary: In a rare moment of peace, you find yourself thinking back over the centuries shared with the one you love.

A/N: I AM A FOOL FOR ELIJAH MIKAELSON. My taglist is open for The Originals - if you would like to be added, let me know!!

Warnings: fluff, history, established relationship, vampires, mentions of blood and death, mourning and grief, female pronouns, use of ‘wife’, dialogue heavy.

Word count: 1.8k

The house was quiet.

A rare occurrence in the Mikaelson household, but for first time in the months, the house was quiet. There was so furious shouting from Klaus, there was no attempts at mediation from Elijah. It was all quiet, and it was all peaceful.

When such a thing happened, it was very much the time to take hold of the rarity with both hands, gripping onto it for dear life in the hopes that the peace and quiet does not end too soon.

You sit in the library; finally put back together after one of Klaus’ anger fits. The books line the shelves in the correct order; a painstaking task you had completed after Klaus had apologised to you, knowing how much you cared for the almanacs and folios hidden away in the priceless Mikaelson collection.

The chair you had chosen to sit in was one that had come with you from the continent when the family had first settled in New Orleans. You had found it at a markets, immediately buying it and having it brought home with you that very day. Elijah had said nothing, indulging you with a roll of his eyes and a kiss to your lips. He very rarely argued with you, knowing that more often than not, you would have been right to make such a purchase.

The photo album remains open on your lap as you stare down at the images stuck to the pages. Time had aged the album; the pages becoming worn at the corners and browning further with each passing year.

This was the first album you had picked up; knowing it had the most pictures of the family in it. In particular, this album was home to perhaps your favourite photograph of yourself and Elijah. It had been taken spontaneously; unaware that a photographer even stood close by. Your bodies are angled towards each other as if each other’s true north. Elijah’s expression is soft as he glances down at you; the beginnings of a smile poking at the corners of his mouth as he readies himself to laugh at whatever you might have been saying in that moment. His hand rests delicately on your waist as your face is turned upwards; your eyes shining brightly as your hands gesture wildly, punctuating your story.

Footsteps sounding bring you out of your reminiscing. Instead, you greet the subject of the photo, smiling widely at your husband as he enters the library, adjusting the cufflinks on his tailored shirt.

“I knew I would find you here,” Elijah comments, a hand brushing over your shoulder and the back of your neck as he walks past you.

“I’m making sure Klaus doesn’t take out his anger on anymore of the family collection.”

Elijah chuckles, “I don’t think that will happen again. He’s too scared of your reaction.”

“As he should be,” You declare, puffin out your chest proudly at the fact that the hybrid would be too scared to even touch the precious books and histories housed in this very room.

“The Great War?” Elijah asks, pointing to the album in your lap, not expecting an answer. He reaches for the photo album, beginning to flick through the pages as he wanders around the room. “My dear, whatever brought this on?”

“It’s been so peaceful recently. I wanted to take a moment to remember.”

“To remember?”

“Our past, my love. We have been together for over a thousand years, married for just short of that. I wanted to remember the peace.”

Elijah doesn’t answer. He simply watches you, watches the emotions flit over your face as you communicate your feelings. The last few months haven’t been easy on anyone in the Mikaelson family; the permanent target on your backs making it hard to live everyday life. Klaus continuing to make enemies left, right and centre didn’t help the matter either.

A thousand years. A thousand years he has loved you; has never loved anyone but you. His life prior to being a vampire flashes before him; a strong man, destined for great and noble things and completely in love with you – kind and caring. The relationship happened quickly, but the both of you knew that your eternities were intertwined. The curse put on him by his mother perhaps made him more selfish of all; turning you to ensure your eternities would always remain intertwined.

“Why the Great War?” He finally asks after a moment of silence.

“It was the first time we got our hands on a camera. We had seen them before, in France, but this was the first time we had owned one.”

“Rebekah loved it. She was forever posing in some ostentatious dress.”

You chuckle, your body warming at the obvious fondness in Elijah’s voice. He would berate her fashion sense, but he would never speak ill of his beloved little sister.

“Do you remember the summer we spent in England? It had to have been 1812 or 1813?”

“And you let Rebekah promenade for the season?” You start to giggle, “She had so many suitors! I have never seen Klaus so mad!”

“It wasn’t just Niklaus,” Elijah recalls, “I had so many angry missives from mothers who wanted to marry their daughters off that season but couldn’t because of Rebekah.”

You snort, remembering the empire waists of those months spent in London. The weather had been particularly wonderful that year; the sun continuing to shine for days on end. More time had been dedicated to walks in the park than they had been to being cooped up inside. Whilst the fashion of the time could be debatable, the company of your husband was very much desired.

“You were the diamond of that season, my love,” Elijah comments, bringing you back to the present.

You roll your eyes at the love of your eternal life, “You have to say that. I’m your wife.”

“What would you have me say?” Elijah asks, eyes bright with happiness, “As I recall Lady Earnshaw was particularly handsome that year too.”

“Lady Earnshaw!” You gasp.

“She loved me,” Elijah defends, holding a hand to his chest as if wounded by your words.

“Of course she did! You flirted with her every chance you got.”

“Jealous, my love?”

“Never,” You snort, remembering the aged face of the stubborn matriarch, “Lady Earnshaw was a day over eighty if I ever remember her.”

Silence descends over the both of you; memories of a past once thought long forgotten now washing over you. There was much to think of when one has lived for over a thousand years. The first few months after your transition were blurry; the pangs of hunger making your thirst practically insatiable – unable to think of anything but feeding. Yet, as you aged and found your place in society on Elijah’s arm and in his heart, your memories become refined – punctuated with moments of joy and pangs of heartbreak.

It had not been an easy existence. Family’s often fallout and Klaus had no qualms about punishing his siblings. However, in and amongst those dreaded recollections were rare moments of peace. Moments that were sought after and savoured; relished by every member of the Mikaelson family.

“Do you remember the sixteenth century?” You ask, mind faraway in the past.

Tudor England had been where you were happiest. You loved New Orleans, adored the culture and the people that came along with it, but Tudor England had its charms as well. For the millennia that you had been walking the earth, you had always found home in Elijah, knowing that he would be with you for an eternity and more. Yet, Tudor England had a hold on you. Having to leave the court of Henry and not return until Elizabeth had been crowned; it had been the longest decade of your immortal life.

“How could I forget?” Elijah laughs, “You have our miniatures in your bedside table.”

“Nicholas Hilliard was a dear friend,” You admonish thinking of the artist with great fondness.

“Queen Elizabeth I was never my biggest fan, was she?”

“You did take her sugared violets away from her,” You remind him, a smile in your voice as you remember the anger in the monarch’s voice once she realised who had in fact stolen her precious sweets.

“Her teeth had rotted away completely!” Elijah protests, throwing his arms wide as he defends his actions from centuries ago.

“So what would more sugar do? She had already lost her teeth, love. As I recall, her breath wasn’t all too pleasant.”

Elijah grins, remembering your pinched expression every time the monarch sought your attention, “You were her favourite.”

You shrug effortlessly, lifting a single shoulder. “I can’t help that she had good taste.”

“You wound me, love,” Elijah moans, smiling widely. His playful side came out rarely, but when it did, it was a treat for those nearby.

“You also refused to call her Elizabeth,” You continue, ignoring Elijah’s noise of protest, “You would call her ‘Betty’.”

“She didn’t mind the name when I was in her father’s court. I still argue to this day that I didn’t deserve her shoe being thrown in my face when I let her nickname slip out of fondness.” Elijah argues, crossing his arms as he thinks back to the small redheaded child he had first encountered almost five hundred years ago.

“She wasn’t the Queen then, darling. She was five years old and in need of a mother.”

“You were wonderful as her closest confidant. She thought of you as her mother.” Elijah comments quietly; his mind still on the small child of five – bright red hair combined with a wide smile. Elizabeth had become attached to both you and Elijah; finding adoptive parents in both of you when you showed her the smallest of attentions. It was hard to say no to such a child.

“It broke my heart to leave her,” You reply, your non-beating heart lurching at the memory of not only the tearful teenager, beginning to question why you hadn’t aged, but also of the weary monarch. Elizabeth had been very ill at the end, and you had refused to leave her. Ignoring the wishes of your husband and your family, staying with her until the end.

“I know it did,” Elijah murmurs, his hand seeking yours as he sits down next to you. “You were solemn for months, nothing I did could bring you round.”

“I had to mourn, Elijah.”

Elijah brings your hand to his lips where he kisses the back of it before kissing your knuckles. He keeps your hand close to his mouth as he whispers, “I know.”

You sigh, “It has been a life of mourning, hasn’t it? Time passes and yet I remember every death.”

“You’re not alone, my love.”

You turn to him, a soft smile gracing your lips. “I know. I have you for it all, don’t I?”

“Always and forever,” Elijah quotes, pressing your hand to his chest, holding it above the heart that would never again beat but continues to love you just as fiercely as it had when it beat its familiar rhythm.