even though i love being a woman and having a woman’s body, i often feel jealous looking at men who can flawlessly pull of shirts bc they have no boobs, and the way short hair will compliment their face, or the way they carry themselves and stand and move and the way their arms look or how broad their shoulders are etc. i can’t tell whether it’s envy or admiration. i like being a woman but sometimes i want to be a pretty boy. i like being a woman that can dress and act like a man but also be mixed with really feminine features. god i just want that duality. i’m so confused.
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shoto, very suggestive, mention of cunninglingus, 500ish words
Thinking about Shoto, your sweet, naive boyfriend, who just doesn't get it most of the time, and how he comes to you one day, asks in the sweetest tone, in the most unbothered way imaginable, if he can eat you out.
And by god does it take every bit of your patience not to call up every last friend of his until you find exactly which one of them put that phrase in his vocabulary.
Instead, you press the pages of the book you were reading closed, turn to him calmly though you're feeling anything but, fold your hands in your lap as if you're heart isn't running a marathon in your chest.
You'd been intimate before, but never like that.
Wandering hands, and heated kisses, and seeing each other in your most raw, and intimate state is one thing—Shoto tasting you is another. Not that you didn't want it, not that he didn't want it either. You just didn't want to go too far, too quick, didn't want to push him out of his comfort zone, didn't want to mess up something so good.
It's why you don't take him seriously when he asks something so out-of-pocket, suggestive in ways you've never known him to be. Why you're absolutely, surely, positive, he isn't asking permission to be in between your thighs, why you're sure he must've heard something wrong, got the meaning twisted somewhere along the way. It's the very same reason you straighten your shoulders to hide the way your knees press together when he adds a little "please" to the end.
"Shoto," you say with as much indifference as you can muster. "That doesn't mean what you think it does, I'm sure you probably think it means to go out to eat, or that-"
He shakes his head, lays a hand just above your knee, squeezes gently until whatever excuse you were blubbering dies on your tongue.
"That's not what it means," he says in the exact tone you use when explaining something obvious to him. "Do you want me to explain it to you?"
You hate how innocently he tilts his head, red hair falling softly over one eye, hate how the butterflies burst, warmth spreading over your cheeks and down between your thighs, because you know he doesn't mean it like that.
"No, Shoto, I-" you sigh, carefully thumb the cover of your book. "It's just, I don't think you know what it means."
You think you hear something like amusement rumble in his chest; it's rare, Shoto's laughter. You've heard it on occasion, fell for the soft reverberation and crescent-moon crinkle to his eyes. But this, this is different.
"I know what it means," he says, matter-of-factly, small, crooked smile tugging the corner of his lips.
He drops to his knees, and you promptly forget how to breathe. His dual gaze finds you from beneath dark lashes; one bright and blue, and eager, the other grey like smoke, clouded with something imploring - it fills your lungs until you can feel just how much he wants you with every bated breath.
His hands are warm when he kneads the fat of your hips between slender, calloused fingers. "So can I?"
Maybe Shoto gets it more often than you give him credit for.
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Gideon Coal is the hearth, the warmth within the home, the steady heat to cook wonderful meals, the beating heart to warm the chill of a soul, the stocked woodshed, the ray of sun through a window. A protector. A guardian. A friend.
Kremy Lecroux is the stew pot, the silverware, the favorite spoon, the homemade bone broth, the smell of spices, the foundation, the walls, keeping his family safe however the wind howls. Keeping his family fed. Keeping his family.
Morning Frost is the books, the smell of sugars breaking down, the turning of dog-eared pages, the little spaces in the margins of recipes where someone has made their little touches, keeping the knowledge for those who come after, for those who are willing to learn, for those who crave to know
Gricko and Hootsie Grimgrin are the music of the home, the soft hoot beyond the window at night, the familiar creak of the floorboards, the hushed lullabies of rain on the roof, the absence of loneliness, always welcoming, always comforting, always soothing, always soft.
Torbek is the devourer, the one who consumes, the one who can appreciate the wholeness of the warmth of a hearth, the taste of a good meal, the pages he knows by heart, the knowing that he isn't alone, even when sometimes he feels himself a stranger in this house. Torbek is home with Carnival Lecroux. Torbek is home.
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