#it makes my previous version look like major shit haha | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

randomingoftherandomness · 3 years

Text

What I am hoping for from Winner is King ( 烽火流金)

Okay, so at this point, let’s just be reals here, Word of Honor has kinda set the bar for me in terms of standards to expect from the slew of danmei adaptations this year. Granted, I know that there are some who think the way it was adapted was not up to their standards and that it could have been done better, please don’t bring it on this post because this is not the post for it.

In this post, I’m going to talk about Winner is King (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑

Now, Sha Po Lang, the original novel, is for me one of the best things that I have read in a very long while. As such, I can be rather precious about what I am hoping to see come alive on the show and what I am hoping will be present in the portrayals I see. I know there are some concerns regarding the script and behind the scenes stuff - and they are very valid concerns that I feel too! - and with the recent announcement that instead of 45 episodes, we are only getting 40, I can foresee that there could be some rushed handlings of the very plotty nature of the source material and perhaps a sense that style can trump substance.

But as the actual show isn’t beaming right into our eyeballs just yet, here are some things I am looking forward to seeing in Winner is King and some things that I am crossing my fingers will make the final cut!

Warning for some novel spoilers ahead. I’ll keep it under the read more.

Tagging @zhongwans because I said I would haha...

Things I am looking forward to:

The Changgu dynamic. I think it goes without saying that if the chemistry between your leads is a dud, the show doesn’t need to even pass Go, it can just shuffle itself off the board because it will be dead in the water. The Changgu dynamic has to be nailed; I need to see that self-doubt, that caring for the other but coming at it from the wrong way, that awkwardness that comes with trying to hold back the burden of your love and care because you don’t want to overwhelm the other...

I need Gu Yun to be shamelessly sweet with his words and his coaxing of his Yan Wang from a sulk. I need Changgu saying “I hate you to death, Gu Yun” (pining)

Hu Ge Er. Let me just be clear here, I will cheer when she dies, but I hope that how they handle her characterisation will do her justice. There is no excusing the level of horrible that she is, but I hope that she isn’t written as a single dimension abusive piece of shit. Nuance, is what I am looking for. I need her to be the villain and the reason for Chang Geng.

I. NEED. THE. WOLF. ATTACK. SCENE. OUTSIDE. OF. YANHUI. TOWN. aka The First Time They Meet

There is legit no excuse for them to fuck this up, but the Steampunk elements. I would not know what else to say if they fuck this one thing up that is so integral and basic to the love of this IP. They cannot fuck this up. I am very sure I will join people in rioting if they do.

I need to see my Red Kites, my Heavy and Light Armours, my Dragons... I need to see the steam powered lamps, the iron puppets... I need them to get the Wind Slashers right. I need them to get this world-building right ok? I need to be dropped into this show and just swoon over just how accurate to imagination everything looks. Tencent does have the blessed ability to make very good looking productions, so on this note, I am assured.

I need them to get the human element right; I need to understand why Gu Yun is the way he is, I need to know why the members of the Lin Yuan Pavillion will back Chang Geng and why they won’t. I need to know why Liao Chi would betray the Emperor. I need them to make me feel; I want them to make my heart hurt when Chang Geng’s heart is hurting, I want them to make me cry when Gu Yun is at his lowest and feels like he can’t go on. I want them to make me laugh, I want to feel for Shen Yi and Miss Chen’s awkward courting.

On that note, I hope they get the Shen Yi and Gu Yun dynamic right too! These two are bros ok? Life and death, ride or die, best bros forever and I need, need them to nail just how integral these are to each other and how much they chose each other as family. I need the bickering, I need the protectiveness, I need the banter.

I also need Chang Geng conspiring to marry Shen Yi off quickly so that he can have Gu Yun all to himself lol but lbr here if we can get an ending for this show from Tencent that even breathes the same atmosphere of air as satisfactory I will praise the heavens

The Bone of Impurity. I don’t know to what extent they will cover this or if they would do it the way the book does it, but this being an element that is integral to Chang Geng, I would be surprised if they dropped it entirely. So yeah, I am looking forward to seeing Chang Geng fretting and worrying and getting Bone of Impurity attacks.

Just the way that Gu Yun allows himself to be cared for my Chang Geng and how Chang Geng lets Gu Yun care for him

I want one acupuncture hedgehog scene please and thank you

I do want to see how they handle Chang Geng and his elder half-brother; how that dynamic unfolds will be something to pay some attention to, I think

Oh! That moment when Chang Geng kneels down in front of his brother and tells him to please bury any talk of his marriage and revealing to his brother the scars that he carries from his time living under Hu Ge Er’s roof (this is one brand of Whump that I promise you will hurt you very badly and it will be very good)

The argument at Jiangnan is something I really think will also make the final cut. It wouldn’t make sense to drop it seeing as this is a pivotal shift in their relationship where Chang Geng is finally holding his ground and not bending over backwards and believing everything his Yi Fu says. And this was the catalyst for their four year separation so yeah. I hope they do this justice.

I am not a betting person, but I high key bet that the scene between Gu Yun and the previous Emperor where he tells the man, “If you go, then I won’t have anyone left” and this being the moment that softens the dying fucker’s heart enough to give him a bracelet of beads that will be a major plot point towards the end

THE. BATTLE. SCENES.

Things I am hoping will happen:

At this point, speculation is that the point that tripped Winner Is King up for a recheck was the politics. This year is the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Communist Party in China and rumour has it that shit be sieving thick and so a lot of shows are erring on the side of caution.

Politics is the highest likelihood of a recheck but I am hoping that it won’t be dumbed down or watered down too much because the politics and the way things played out in the book was absolutely divine and I really want to see that court intrigue and scheming and interplay unfold.

I’ve mentioned in my most recent podcast episode that I am banking on this show to scratch my itch for a Nirvana in Fire level of plottiness and infinite craftiness of the characters and I am crossing all fingers and toes for that to happen because All! The! Characters! Hold! Their! Own! And I need to see that play out please I am not asking for much...

The final sea battle with the Pope. I wouldn’t even know where they would even begin to shoot that scene but this is something I would love to see happen.

The Bone of Impurity attack after Gu Yun sneakily left the capital. That was the scene that caught me and hooked, lined and sinkered me for Chang Geng as a character. Listening to this scene be brought to life in the audio drama has really hammered it home that if they make this bit into the show, I will watch and weep if it is done right.

Cao Niangzi being Cao Niangzi. I am thinking it might not happen the way I want, but I just need them to get them right.

Ge Chen peeing on the enemy’s face. Please. I laughed so hard. I need this. It will be a balm to my soul.

Please, I need Gu Yun’s soul crushing flute playing like I need Gong Jun to always be absolutely horrible at singing because baby this is your niche and this is your charm own it work it

I also need Gu Yun stealing a bamboo flute from a 10 year old because he got jealous please and thank you

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town

I want to see that moment that Gu Yun hears first hand from someone who had knowledge of what Hu Ge Er would do to a baby Chang Geng and the horrible abuse she inflicted on him, because up to that point, he only knew that something went on, but never to the extent that revelation wrought unto him

Any of the Bone of Impurity moments; any mention of it, any visual representation of it... Gosh, just the idea of having the Bone of Impurity made visual is just... Ugh. Yes. Please. The suffering.

[bonus] Things I wish will happen but will probably not:

The hot spring scene or a version of it

An implication that baby cannibalism was involved in the making of a Bone of Impurity

The scene where they get to the goddess doll (the description of it in the book was so bone chilling and if they do this I will have nightmares, I’m just warning you)

I really, really want a scene where, after being crowned Emperor, Chang Geng goes to the frontlines to reclaim the South and upon hearing that he was there, Gu Yun immediately panicked like he was about to be caught with his pants down doing something illegal when all he did was ordered his subordinates to keep news of his injuries from being reported back to the capital

Any flashback of Chang Geng and Hu Ge Er before Yanhui Town; especially when they were with the Barbarians

I want to see some version of Hu Ge Er realising what she has done to her own child and to Chang Geng

Okay this got super long but what are you guys looking forward to seeing when Winner is King hits our screens? I’m looking forward to creating content for this fandom when it hits ೕ(˃̵ᴗ˂̵ ๑) In the meantime, sound off on what you’re expecting and what you’re maybe wary about!

#winner is king #feng huo liu jin #烽火流金 #gab to watch #changgu #chang geng #gu yun #tencent #cdrama #sha po lang #杀破狼

42 notes · View notes

gagmebucky · 3 years

Note

Hi, I just really wanted to rant about something and I don’t really want to talk about it with anyone I know irl so…

My dad is just a normal guy in every sense of the word, good and bad. One thing that’s bothered me for a while now is how I recognized he talks to my mom and while it’s not degrading, it’s just entitled and annoying.

Since my brother and I were born, she quit her job to take care of us so he’s been the one primarily earning money. This arrangement hasn’t put our family in any type of financial jeopardy at all, we live in a nice house in a nice area and his job combined with the money he makes from his previous service in the military makes him around 150k a year. One thing I’d like to note is that he works a normal 8 to 5 job. But for a year or so the majority of his company has switched to a12 hours day so they get a three day weekend every week.

Now I know you may be wondering what money has to do with any of this and I promise that I’ll get to that part I’m just really angry and need to get this all off of my chest.

Anyways, my mom started working again 2-3 years ago at his request and now she works AND does all the stereotypical motherly things (cooks dinner, cleans, any other odd jobs that need to be done around the house)

All the while my mom has been doing this, my dad does his 12 hour days (including lunch in those 12 hours) and he’s allowed to take 10 minute breaks and most often times watch tv in the background while he’s working (he’s been working from home since COVID and doesn’t have any plans to go back since his job is mostly on the computer anyways other than a couple in-person meetings a month)

After my dad is done with work, he basically retires for the night and just watches tv while waiting for mom to serve him whatever food or leftovers she’s put on a plate for him.

Now, I get to the current issue.

My mom doesn’t ask for much or even anything from him in terms of helping her. But there are just some things that make me angry when he says them.

In the past couple of weeks for pretty much the 1st consistent time since March, my dad started walking and exercising again which he does outside or in the garage. My father has naturally oily skin, and even if he didn’t, he is exercising so his skin will be sticky and sweaty! RIGHT!?!?!

However when my mom brought it up a couple days ago she didn’t even say what we both were thinking which was YOU STINK AND ARE THEREFORE MAKING THE HOUSE STINK!!!

Instead, she politely asked if he would take a shower since he worked out and specificied that she was telling him this out of love without even mentioning him stinking up the house or more specifically the kitchen that he was in.

Instead of understanding that exercise makes you sweat and sweat makes you smell, he snarkelly shot back, that he had something to tell her out of love too. And although he trailed off with a cocky laugh, the context of the situation and his numerous past suggestions obviously implied that he was talking about my mom’s weight.

I would like to specify that my mother is not obese or unhealthy, in fact she eats considerably less junk food than he does. And even if she was, it did not prompt my dad making that “joke”.

Now fast forward a few minutes, my mom and I left to go grocery shopping for the food she would make for him without him even having to lift a finger. She ranted to me that him needing to take a shower had nothing to do with her weight. From what she was saying I could tell that she wasn’t that angry about what he said about her weight, but more so about him deflecting the conversation from his smellyness to her (which is something he does often so he doesn’t look like the “bad guy”)

Now to today, my father once again “joked” with my mom when asked if he would honestly like to help her blow dry her hair (I say honestly because she wanted his honest opinion on whether he would like to do it or not, and it was something she never really needs help with but she wanted to spend time with him) he said that he needs to consult the “guy’s handbook” to figure out if that was a trick question. (My father is 55 years old and they’ve been married for 30 something years)

I’m sure there’s a psychological reason why I got so angry at him but I’m not going to settle that I was once again tired that he treated my mom like crap despite her doing everything for him. So I told him that my mom was being serious and it wasn’t a trick question.

I (kinda) knew that he knew this, and was trying to make a joke. But explaining it was my version of the whole “I don’t understand your ‘joke’ please explain it to me” in an attempt to discourage him from making it again.

But in an event that I would have seen coming if I wasn’t so angry, it didn’t work and he instead got mad at me. Recognizing that I could have handled the situation better, I just apologized however I was crying because of his rant that I wasn’t a part of the conversation and shouldn’t have stepped in . (I normally wouldn’t be so sensitive but for some reason it’s like everytime I have a family argument it’s that time of the month so I’m emotionally sensitive)

I retreated back into my room and apparently I wasn’t crying as quietly as I thought I was because be he then knocked on my door, then demanded that I come out and “spend time with him” so he could know what was wrong.

Now, I thought this was code for I’m going to apologize, but no… he literally didn’t understand that his words hurt my feelings and demanded that I tell him what was “really” wrong as if him yelling at me wasn’t a good enough reason to be crying.

After curtly telling him what was wrong in so many words as to not offend him further. He dryly apologized before defending himself and saying that it wasn’t his fault that I got angry and he was just trying to make a joke that he insisted would apparently be funny if I didn’t cut in. Then he dryly promised that he would try to treat my mother nicer and not make as many “jokes” because he can tell how much it affects me.

There is probably more to the story that I forgot to leave out. And I kinda want to know if I’m in the wrong in the situation or not. And reading back over this i am definitely biased but if you can manage to remove the emotion from my words then those are honestly the facts about what happened.

I recognize that I am selfish, he actually told me that one, but looking back over my life I know that I have been rude when “defending” my mom. I put it in quotations because my mom doesn’t need defending and she is more than capable to speaking up when there’s a big problem.

But I just get annoyed at people when they rudely deny her some of the smaller things she requests like help blow drying her hair and things she won’t insist on them helping on. I’d understand if kindly said no thanks or I can’t do it right now, but he just had to joke about it and be curt in his response for no reason.

All in all I’m just so angry that it is impossible for him to acknowledge what he did wrong without defending that actions that make someone sad or angry in the first place.

But anyways, I am extremely sorry for the rant and writing so much and I honestly don’t blame you if you didn’t even read all of this. I just wanted to tell someone and I love how your blog is so open and judgement free and you don’t act like you have all the answers of what is right or wrong but you just give your opinion and help when you can. Thanks so much for listening (reading, really) and I appreciate you so much!

baby, you didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. you are the opposite of selfish — your dad was being a fucking dick to your mom and you stood up for her. you had every right to be angry, and if i were you, i would’ve said some low blow, disrespectful, kick-me-out-of-the-house ass shit.

i think (respectfully) you’re over analyzing yourself to find fault in yourself when it isn’t really there in my opinion. he’s complaining that you’re rude when he was the rude one and you literally just defending your mom. being rude is like “you stinky piece of shit, im gonna fucking drown you in bleach and lets see you make another fuckin comment BITCH”

but you did not do that therefore his argument is invalid. i can only say so much because it’s you in the thick of it but it definitely seems like your dad’s arrogant and entitled personality is so overbearing that it makes you be harder on yourself than you should be. i think, legally, you should get hit him once with a bat, non lethally of course (unless….. haha…?). i just know personally dealing with that personality type can create a LOT of contained anger.

anyway, im rly sorry you have to deal w him. i feel like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and you seem so sweet and nice and you do not deserve to have to give your energy to that :(

#i would’ve said some vile things i wouldve said things that would make him disown me #i would poured a little rat posion in his drink just enough to make him sick not to like kill yknow #if it isn’t clear I… I have a lot of violent feelings and am a little… insane #ILU AND IM SORRY U HAD TO DEAL W THAT #q answers

10 notes · View notes

thequibblah · 3 years

Note

⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

#director's cuts #ask me #anon

10 notes · View notes

radramblog · 3 years

Text

Album Discussion- Floral Shoppe

Haha why do y’all let me do this.

It’s been almost a decade since Macintosh Plus (aka Vektroid, aka Ramona Xavier) popularised and codified vapourwave as a genre with its first actually popular release in Floral Shoppe. Since then this sub-sub-genre has developed its own subgenres and become its own flourishing marvel of internet music culture. But Floral Shoppe itself is worth examining- not to see where it all began (I haven’t even listened to Chuck Person’s Eccojams or Far Side Virtual yet), but where most people got into the genre. The lifting off point, as it were.

So grab your Arizona ice tea (don’t, it’s fucking awful) and lets dive in.

The first track, ブート(Boot), opens with a buttery smooth cymbal and saxophone line, obviously slowed down, but evoking a level of chill few songs manage to get to for their whole duration, in a total of approximately a minute. It’s a genuinely masterful piece of music. As the vocals come in, you hear them get twisted and chopped, distorted and looped, almost jolting you out of that trance, until it’s clear that the lyrics aren’t lyrics but another instrument, you get used to the nonsense, and you’re back in the zone. The looping with some of the instrumentation makes parts of it feel almost clockwork-like, in a very satisfying manner- especially as the majority of it gets muffled and you realise that opening bass/sax line has been running through the entire time. While the next track on this album tends to get most of the attention, I genuinely think Boot deserves just as much praise.

リサフランク420 / 現代のコンピュー (Lisa Frank 420/Modern Computing) is another one of those tracks where it’s just like, what could I possibly say about this that hasn’t been said. If you’re reading this, there’s basically no way you haven’t heard this song, so you know what I’m on about. It’s the quintessential vapourwave track, even if it’s showing its age a bit. It’s just so perfect. When I decided to write about Floral Shoppe, I didn’t really want to spend too much time here- me saying “hey I like this song everyone knows” isn’t the most interesting thing on the planet, I guess. I will say, it’s one of the few vapourwave songs you can actually sing along to, and that’s fun as heck.

Also, the lyric is “it’s all in your hands”, not “it’s all in your head”. To be fair, though, the distortion doesn’t help.

The album’s next track is 花の専門店 (Floral Shoppe, hey I didn’t know this album had a title song), a track that heavily relies on this really panned synth (you can’t even hear that on the left ear) and a lot of looping the same bit over and over again. Honestly, the first minute of this song gets a little grating, but it really picks up after that. It’s really fun and jazzy for a solid minute there, a lovely instrumental you can just groove to in your head. The fade out on this piece lasts wayyy too long for my liking, though- a full half minute of outro feels a little indulgent for this one.

Track four, ライブラリ (Library) is lowkey one of my favourites on the album- The slowed vocals work really well, and the instrumentation feels extremely deliberate and methodical. I think my biggest complaint with this song is just that it’s too short, considering Lisa Frank 420 is literally triple it’s length. But I suppose part of this project is how variable the track lengths are- it seems Vektroid was keen to work with these until she was out of ideas, and no longer, and I can’t help but respect that.

地理 (Geography) sounds substantially darker than the previous tracks, with incredibly low drones and a main line that… I mean I dunno how low it is but that shit is definitely in a minor key, you know. It’s also the sparsest track so far, with much more restraint in layering than anything else I can think of on the album. The atmosphere of this is heavy- I don’t know why, but it reminds me of that really creepy loading screen on the fuckin Magic School Bus goes inside the body Edutainment game. That’s probably a bit of a weird connection, but if you played that shit, you know how fucking eerie it’s soundtrack was, and that’s a bit of the vibe I’m getting from this track.

Our next track is a direct nod to Floral Shoppe’s predecessors in ECCOと悪寒ダイビング (Chill diving with ECCO), a reference to the aforementioned Chuck Person’s Eccojams Vol. 1 (itself a reference to the Sega Genesis/Mega Drive game Ecco the Dolphin), and Chill is absolutely right. While many vapour/synthwave pieces are more about entering an aesthetic or a vibe than actually listening to the music, as far as Floral Shoppe goes, that’s most true with this track. It’s also the third longest track here (behind Lisa Frank 420 and the next song), and while it doesn’t develop as much as one would hope based on that (or much at all), spending so long vibing out in a track like this is completely appropriate.

I’m going to be honest, I don’t care too much for the next track, 数学 (Mathematics). It might just be because it comes on the heels of ECCO, but the meandering in this doesn’t hit the same chord as that does. While I enjoy the saxophone on this song, all the shit going on in the background just kinda gets my anxiety going eventually. And by eventually, I mean about halfway through this near 7-minute monster. You’ve got these very chill elements that slowly get drowned out by the steadily rising and accelerating chaotic parts of the instrumentation that just take over eventually, and while it does chill back down again, that’s still a long time focussed on the worst parts of the song. This also really didn’t need to be as long as it is, considering the second half of the track is just, like, the same thing again…

We’re at track 8, and at this point I started looking at the Wikipedia page for the name translation and realising that I have no idea which song this is supposed to be. Like, the track lengths on the bandcamp suggest that this is the 2011 release and therefore this is 待機 (Standby), but it has the name of track 8 from the 2017 release, 外ギン Aviation (Foreign Banks Aviation)? This is confusing as fuck, but since this is the only track here with that issue, I’m assuming it’s actually Standby and someone fucked up somewhere. Oh right, the song itself. Well it’s fucking short, barely past a minute long, and doesn’t have too much going on. I’d call it short but sweet, it doesn’t overstay its welcome. Jazzy, loungy, kinda chill. I dunno.

て(Te) feels almost out of place on this album. I mean, the vibe is similar, but the birdsongs really come out of left field. This sounds like the track you’d hear in a video game after you’re finally out of a cave you spent hours in. If the build in this weren’t so intense, I think it’d fit right in on the Minecraft OST. That’s a compliment, for what it’s worth. It’s also worth noting this light at the end of the tunnel bit was absolutely intentional, because this used to be the final track of the album. However, there’s two more here, added in a 2012 reissue (originally they were unnamed bonus tracks), so we might as well check them out.

…under no circumstances should you check out track 10, 月 (Moon). I don’t know what vocal sample that is, but it is loud, and grating, and obnoxious, and the instrumentation is not doing enough to carry the repetition through. Holy shit, this is 6 minutes long. I’m going to be honest, I skimmed through this one, and it never changes what it’s doing. This is… a bold play, I’ll give her that, but it absolutely does not pay off. This has gotta be one of the worst songs I’ve heard in a very long time. What the fuck, Ramona?

Finally, 海底 (Seabed). This… is just like Moon, in that it’s a fucked up vocal sample that is looped over and over with little changing instrumental. The key difference is this one is less bad- the vocals aren’t as jilting, the instrumentation is chiller, and it is mercifully only 2 and a bit minutes. It’s far from good, but it’s not as immediately awful. Okay, it is pretty bad. These should probably have stayed as extras- and seeing as they apparently weren’t on the physical versions of the album (in fact a bunch of these songs changed for that), Vektroid appears to agree.

So that’s Floral Shoppe, and it’s really one of those albums that kinda drags on at the end. Frontloaded with the good shit, I suppose. Moon and Seabed aside, it’s not like anything is completely awful, but after 25 or so minutes you’ve kinda gotten the point. With that said, the album is as influential as it is for good reason- the first couple tracks are phenomenal, and once you’re drawn in by those, you’re probably going to appreciate the rest of it at least a little.

Modern vapourwave basically sounds nothing like Lisa Frank 420/Modern Computing, or Floral Shoppe at all- the genre has moved past plunderphonics almost entirely at this point, and the aesthetic has shifted to a more consistent, less memeable tone. Even Macintosh Plus is going new directions- the single released in December 2019 as a teaser for Vektroid’s next project under the name sounds nothing like this album, though it is completely fucking awesome (and completely fucking batshit). While it seems like the genre itself has moved past Floral Shoppe, though, it’s still the touchstone the majority of people, especially those unfamiliar with the genre, recognize as the herald of Vapourwave. I’m pretty sure this was the first album to do the whole pink aesthetic, marble bust, computer graphics style, and clearly that’s the style everyone thinks of when they make bad vapourwave art. That’s the aesthetic this album inspired. Long may it reign.

(Ok seriously though guys go listen to VAPERROR or George Clanton or something)

#ramble #music #vaporwave #vapourwave #america stop being afraid of the letter u

10 notes · View notes

iaintyourbro · 4 years

Note

We know that the lifestream and highwind scene are the most important part of the game for Cloti. Just wanted to ask, what are your expectations? Like, do you think they’re gonna change it or add something new (if you think so, what are those things)? Those parts are highly anticipated, especially the lifestream scene (i think that’s like every fan’s favorite, well except for those antis haha) ☺️

OKAY! This is the type of question I like! Hello there, anon!

Let’s start with the Lifestream

So, this is probably one of the most popular - if not the most popular - scenes in the game. It is the major twist on the main character, and I don’t think anybody thought it was going to be what it ended up being.

The devs have also said that it is their favorite part of the game. It’s a powerful scene. My favorite part honestly is when the Shinra grunt stabs Sephiroth.. and then Tifa comes to this realization that Cloud WAS there, and he takes his helmet off and the main theme plays. I still get chills after seeing it 50 times, I’m getting chills typing this up - it’s a VERY powerful scene.

Then we get the next scene where Cloud moves Tifa to safety, Sephiroth comes out all pissy because he got stabbed by a kid, and Cloud gets a little brave (with some encouragement from Zack) and goes after him. He’s stabbed. Through sheer rage and will power, he overtakes Sephiroth and kills him.

So what do I think they’re gonna do here... This is my headcanon and my opinion. Maybe in 15 years when this finally comes out I’ll come back and check off where I was right and where I was wrong. All in good fun.

Prior to the whole earthquake, I think the part where they find Cloud and Tifa says she’s going to stay with him will be even more emotional. I think they’re going to build on this scene a bit and I think you’re going to see more cuts to what’s happening in Mideel while the rest of your party is out and about collecting Huge Materia (if they do that, but that’s another post).

I think finding Cloud may be a bit more difficult.

I kinda hope they keep the really goofy doctor for the humor add - it’ll probably be needed for this scene. He’s like Doc Odine from FF8. Extremely quirky. The nurse will have more moments, I think. She had some good lines in the OG.

Okay, so during the earthquake, I think you’ll see something similar, but they’ll almost make it out. You’re going to think they aren’t going to fall in, but they do anyway.

I’m not sure if they’ll do a wheelchair this time - he’ll probably be in a bed, making the escape even more stressful since she’ll need to get him moved to a wheelchair or something.

When they fall in, she’s going to hold on to him for dear life in the physical plane, and you’ll her slowly move on to the mental/spiritual plane.

You’ll hear whatever she was hearing in OG. Since there’s voice acting now, you’ll probably be able to make out some of the voices. You may hear Jessie and Wedge, Tifa’s father, random people she knows. You’ll hear voices telling her bad things and scaring her.

Then, it’ll stop, and I think she’s going to see/feel/hear Aerith here. They’re building the friendship up. I’m thinking that Aerith’s death is going to impact Tifa much worse than any other character in Remake. So this will be comforting for Tifa to see/feel/hear Aerith. They’ll have a moment.

Then they’re going to go to Cloud’s subconscious. This will be very Kingdom Heart-esq because Nomura. This is his time to shine. It was very whimsical in OG, imagine how cool it’ll look in Remake.

I think each “area” will be expanded on. You’ll still have the same main point expanded on.

The Promise scene will have more dialogue and clarification. Tifa will still call Cloud cute, you may see where Cloud may haven’t remembered everything exactly. Some folks think this is where the shooting star will be reintroduced.

Tifa’s house: I think they’ll do the most with this. The English version was so badly translated that it made Tifa look like a jerk to some people and they won’t let it go. They’ll make sure it’s clear here that she didn’t bully Cloud. They’ll probably talk about Tifa’s friends a bit more since you’ll see and hear them. You may see some flashbacks of Cloud getting in to fights with the kids, getting in trouble by other village adults, etc.You may see other moments of their childhood peppered in.

I think they will have his mom pop in at some points as flashes. It seems based on a previous post and discussion, Cloud may remember his father, so we may get to see Papa Strife.

I think you’ll be able to explore Nibelheim during this. It’ll be “dream” Nibelheim, based on Cloud’s subconscious. It’ll change as Cloud regains more of his memories and become more accurate.

I think you’ll have fights during this - some kind of shadows. For all I know, they’ll pull a Legend of Zelda and have you fight “Dark Cloud” at some point before merging.

The second timeline with Zack surviving the Last Stand will probably impact this. If they don’t merge the timelines at this point, then I think that will have some sort of play in this - either the timelines will need to merge, and Cloud will have to “become one” or the “fix” will be reversed prior to Aerith’s death and the timelines will realign naturally.

The Nibelheim reactor scene will follow closer to what happened in Crisis Core, but keep the “Mom... Tifa.... my home....” line from OG. I think they may build on this and make it more emotional.

AFTER Cloud remembers Zack and after he’s “whole” again, Zack will probably pop in too, and so will Aerith. I think if they’re going to change anything and create an “alternate ending” it would be what happened in AC. So, here’s where Zack and Aerith will give him a bit of a pep-talk.

The reunion with Cloud and Tifa will be more emotional and definitely awkward on Cloud’s end. Anybody who was hanging around at this point will disappear. Most likely you’ll get a hug from Tifa. I’m not sure if she’ll call him a “stupid jerk” since it wouldn’t fit her Remake character very well.

They’ll hold hands going back up. They’ll wash up on shore. Now, here’s where I don’t know what way they’ll go. There was apparently supposed to be a scene where Tifa had to give Cloud CPR (think Junon) because he’s not breathing when they come back up. This would definitely add drama...

I think they’ll wash up and wake up before the rest of the party finds them. Then they’ll have the rest of the party show up.

The scene where he talks to everybody will be expanded on. I don’t think Tifa is going to say “You sure are messed up Cloud.” I think it’ll be a more caring line to fit better with how they’ve characterized Tifa in the Remake so far.

Overall, I think the party will be more supportive and you’ll have more dialogue here. Shit, you may even get a Barret hug.

I think Barret will be very flighty like he was in OG, but have more faith in Cloud during the whole thing.

Cid will still be a dick.

Time for the Highwind Scene

Well, due to the nature of this scene, I think that’s why it’s so anticipated. However, this is a T rated game... (unfortunately)... so expectations will probably be on FFX Lake Macalania level. This is really going to be dependent on how extreme or not extreme the ratings board in Japan and the US are at the time. I don’t think, unlike in the past, they cut chunks of game out if one doesn’t approve it. They probably consult with the major countries where they expect a large amount of sales. It was easier to change dialogue and character reactions back in the day. Not so much anymore.

So let’s get to it...

Cloud’s speech telling the party they should go tie up any lose ends will be expanded on. I’m going to be honest, I think anytime you solely had Aerith mentioned at this point in the game, you’ll also have Zack mentioned... I think Zack will have a much bigger part in Remake than he did in OG, and Cloud and crew will see him and Aerith as a team at this point. I could be totally off on this, but I would like to see more Zack and show that both Aerith and Zack were important to Cloud in a big way. I say this because she’s mentioned here in an odd way (”To release her memory”, which I believe the Japanese text is different... as always with OG). I do not think this diminishes Aerith’s importance at all. I think it shows that she DOES have support within the Lifestream, and they’re just touching on that.

The crew will file out and say bye. You’ll be left with Cloud and Tifa... I think you’re going to have more while in the Highwind. They’ll build it up and make the tension unbearable between the two. Remember, at this point, Tifa has already found out all that’s in Cloud’s subconscious... so... they’re going to be awkward up to this point anyway...

Then they’ll go outside. The conversation will have more to it, but will still follow a similar flow. You’ll still have Tifa’s line.

There won’t be a high and low affection scene. You’re going to get one scene here, and it’s whatever the devs feel is the correct scene. My guess is the high affection (like 99% sure here), since it’s the one that’s referenced the most and makes the most sense after The Lifestream. People will also riot if we don’t get “Words aren’t the only way to tell someone how you’re feeling...”

So it’s not gonna fade to black after that. I think part of the goal of Remake is to make things crystal clear with parts of the story that were being heavily argued about... this being one of them.

Cloud is going to bravely approach her - him closing the distance like she did in Part 1.

You’ll get some cuteness. You’ll get a song. You’ll most likely get a kiss. Then it’s going to pan up, fade to black, and may show quick scenes of the rest of the party seeing their loved ones...

I think they’ll hang out there for a while - seeing the stars and all.

At this point, Barret, Cid, and Red come back... but Cloud and Tifa don’t know. I think they’ll see the kissing/cuddling action... and then they’re gonna see them head inside....

I’m not sure if they’ll show immediate reactions here - but they have to react at some point, it’s hilarious in the OG, and I think they can make it even more extreme after some of the lines that were used during Wall Market...

So here’s where I’m really unsure of how they’re going to go. I know some folks think they did and some folks think they didn’t. I don’t think it takes away from the scene either way - so this is one of the rare times I’ll say it’s up to player interpretation.. My opinion is... it might be the end of the world, so my guess is, they were gonna find away to get down.

In the OG, it’s implied that something happened UNDER the Highwind. My favorite video about this is Maximillian Dood talking about getting bruises on the rocks.

I don’t think they’re going to stay Under the Highwind. I think they’ll go inside.

So the question is... will there be a Chocobo Stable scene, like what was proposed in the OG? Will there be cabins on the Highwind? I think when we get the Highwind, whether or not it has cabins will be a hint.

I would find it really funny if they have them go ham in the Chocobo stables. If they do the Chocobo Stables, the Chocobo in the stables will always say “....” when you go in there with Cloud or Tifa.

I’m not sure if they’ll do that or something a bit more... romantic? If they do, you may get a bare shoulders under a sheet scene. THIS IS HEAVILY DEPENDENT on the ratings boards. They were able to do it in Xenogears in 1998, and some of the stuff they approve vs what they get their panties in a bunch over seems to change with the generations.

Whether or not you see anything, they’re going to confirm it through jokes. Your party IS going to comment. They ARE going to know something happened, and each one will have a hilarious comment. Tifa is going to be really embarrassed... like in OG, but Cloud will actually try to comfort her this time.

Overall, this scene will be much harder to twist if you actually play it and listen to the dialogue...

So those are my crazy thoughts. Maybe I should write a Fanfiction or two.

#cloti #cloud x tifa #ff7 remake future parts #ff7r thoughts #the lifestream #under the highwind #ff7r #ff7 spoilers #final fantasy vii spoilers #final fantasy vii remake part 50 #it'd better not take 15 years #i don't want to be too old #my kids will be out of highschool #cloud strife #tifa lockhart #squareenix make me happy plz

85 notes · View notes

bluekaddis · 5 years

Note

You almost mentioned Cullen as the best written character, but tbh he is written quite bad, his abuse and hate is never confronted in Inquisition and he is made victim by narrative, while he was the very problem why Chantry sucks. Even his fans admit that. He is mostly liked because of romance.

Ugh.

I was waiting for that moment when admitting I like Cullen’s character and story arc will bite me in the ass.

TL; DR (for those who don’t want to get through my long rant)

Let everyone enjoy any characters/romances/game choices they want. I have my reasons for having Cullen as a fav DA character and liking his story arc and I don’t think there are more problems with writing of his character than the majority of other companions in DA games.

Full answer below

First of all – I don’t want to argue that everyone should like or dislike the same elements of fiction as I do – it would be stupid. We all have different tastes, like different character archetypes and have varying opinions on what makes a good story. I’m trying to keep my blog character positive and unless someone asks me directly to share my opinion on a certain character or plot element I prefer keeping my critique to myself. I also don’t feel entitled to confront fans who, in their own posts, state they find Cullen boring, unredeemable or overrated, even if I personally disagree with all these statements.

If your ask, anon, stated the words “i think” or “in my opinion” I wouldn’t probably bother with such a lengthy answer, HOWEVER, you write your personal opinion like it was an objective statement, like you were in position to tell me how I should view the certain character. What did you expect, that I would suddenly realize “oh crap, NOW I see that a character and plot I had liked for my 200 hours of gameplay is actually bad, I was just too stupid to notice it!”.

Haha, no.

So, let’s go through your comment.

“tbh he is written quite bad”

In. Your. Opinion. There are people who don’t like Cullen’s character development. Some like the general idea but would make some changes if they could. Others (like me) don’t have problem with his story arc and just like to add some headcanons to fill the gaps.

It is understandable that when years pass between games, fans have time to develop their opinions and wishes of what they’d like to see. And because none of them actually writes the story it is very easy to feel disappointed and say “well, I would do it better (= my way)”. But the truth is - your way is not necessary a better way. It may be the case that “your version” would be even more hated by the fandom. Some opinions are just more popular than others and therefore may seem like they are objective but it’s an illusion. A well designed pool, with large sample size and good statistics may be objective. Opinions, on the other hand, are like farts – you always think yours are less stinky than the others’ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But I digress.

Yes, I think Cullen is a well written character and yes, I like his story arc. Cullen’s redemption works for me because I see it not as much about atonement for his actions as for his lack of action.

Let me explain.

Anti-Cullen fans tend to assume that he personally did a lot of atrocities, but when you look not at fandom assumptions but at his actual actions we see in games or WoT, you can see that he caused most evil by not doing shit.

He should have protected the mages.

He didn’t.

He should have questioned Meredith’s actions.

He didn’t.

He should have noticed she’s going mad.

He didn’t .

He should have stopped her before she evoked the Rite.

He didn’t.

He was very passive and basically let either Meredith or Hawke make all the choices for him. If he let Meredith decide – people died. If he listened to Hawke (based on player’s choices) he voted for whatever Hawke had proposed.

Why was he behaving like that? Probably because he had lost faith in his own judgment so he put all the responsibility on authority figures (Templar Order and Chantry teachings). Cullen’s core motivation throughout all games was to protect people and it never changes. What changes is his belief of what methods are moral or necessary to achieve that goal and whether he, as an individual, should be in a position to decide it.

In Inquisition Cullen does the opposite. He is a workaholic. He makes his own decisions (leaves Kirkwall, stops taking lyrium) and takes full responsibility for them. He doesn’t follow his leader blindly but openly states his own opinions and advice (whether they are correct or wrong is another topic). He gets really furious when someone in position of power lie to or sacrifice people under their command (like in case of Samson or Rainier). Finally, he dedicates his life, health, skills, basically everything, for a cause - to stop the war that can be blamed mostly on his former organisation, without complaint or asking for forgiveness.

And I love that aspect of his character.

In Inquisition Cullen is still a work in progress. He tries his best but his templar past comes back sometimes - and it’s good. If he was completely free of his biases, it would be damn unnatural.

I would never say that Cullen is a flawless ray of sunshine. He can be stubborn, biased, narrow-minded, hypocritical, bitter, aggressive and vengeful. But guess what – so can all the other characters. That’s why they are interesting.

“his abuse and hate is never confronted in Inquisition”

It is, at least for the standards of this particular game. DA:I doesn’t have full developed friendship-rivalry mechanics like DA:2 and you can’t even get approval points from advisors. The Inquisitor basically has far less options to condemn the Inner Circle’s actions or change their worldviews than Hawke (you don’t really argue with Dorian about slavery or with Iron Bull about Saarebas or Reeducators either).

But even if the Inquisitor has limited dialogue options to confront Cullen’s actions directly, Cullen himself brings the topic to the player. Cullen’s dialogue and actions in DA:I show that

he is ashamed of the person he became after Uldred’s uprising

he knows he needs to atone for his actions and he wants to work for it

but doesn’t really believe he can fully atone for what he did

supports the reform of the Chantry, Templar Order and Circles rather than agreeing to their traditional methods

That man already hates himself, give him some rest.

And if you still think he needs an extra punishment for his crimes - Cullen is actually one of only 3 companions/advisors in DA:I whose life you can literally ruin through your choices (the other two being Blackwall and Iron Bull). If your Inky thinks that Cullen’s actions are unredeemable and he deserves nothing better than to forever be chained to the templar life he has chosen as a kid - they can order him to take lyrium again. For me it’s a heartless and morally wrong choice, but anyone can play their game however they want.

„he is made victim by narrative”

Ok, that part really bothers me. Are you saying that it is a bad thing that a narrative treats a person who has been physically, mentally and sexually abused for weeks as a victim of that abuse? Or encourages empathy towards a character fed drugs, manipulation and propaganda? Acknowledging Cullen’s PTSD doesn’t automatically result in ignoring or diminishing traumas and abuse that happened to Anders, Carl or any other character. Empathy doesn’t have to be reserved to people you personally agree with, just saying.

„he was the very problem why Chantry sucks.”

I’d say he was an example showing why Chantry sucks. A symptome, not a cause. Chantry benefits only high ranking members of that intitution + some nobles and rich dudes. Mages are abused and denied most of the rights because of the Chantry. Templars are drugged and brainwashed because of the Chantry. Common folk can’t freely benefit from things like healing magic because of the Chantry. Non-humans are treated like heretics and barbarians - because of the Chantry. The Chantry, as we see at the beginning of DA:I is a corrupt, powerful institution that has forsaken almost all ideals it had been built upon and desperately needs a reform. Everyone can see that. I have NEVER met any fan who said „yeah, Circles, Templar Order, the Chantry – they were perfectly alright, no need to change lol”. Same goes to characters labelled by fandom as pro-Chantry (like Cassandra, Cullen or Vivienne). They all see that major changes must be done, they just believe the reformation is better than abolition.

„Even his fans admit that.”

Some, yes. Others don’t have a problem with his arc. Personally I don’t think there are many Cullen fans that would agree with every single point you made.

„He is mostly liked because of romance.”

Um, no. The reason why the game developers even bothered with making Cullen a romance option in DA:I is that he was already quite liked and popular among fans, despite being just a secondary character. I’d agree that the romance plot made Cullen even more popular, especially among players who didn’t play previous games, but it is wrong to assume that the only reason people enjoy his character is because he’s a pretty boy. I played the games in order and Cullen was one of my fav characters in DA2 - I just like paragon anti-villains with redemption potential. Fight me.

To conclude this overly long rant - I’m generally under impression that some DA fans tend to point certain aspects of Cullen’s character and story as “stupid excuses made by Bioware and fans to redeem a son of the bitch” and then use almost exactly the same arguments to defend their own favs. It’s the topic for maybe another discussion, but I think it’s a good thing to confront your own biases sometimes.

P.S. I also recommend watching this video about writing redemption arcs. Just for fun.

I rest my case.

(thanks, Ania, for the high quality picture to sum up my feelings)

#ask #cullen rutherford #cullen positive #fandom critical #my writing #rainhowls rambles #don't be afraid #i am generally open to discussion #just please state your opinions as actual opinions #not facts

357 notes · View notes

imnotinclinedtomaturity · 5 years

Text

Love Yourself: Chapter 35

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 5.5k story words: 289k (so far) chapter: 35/? rating: e warnings: language, alcohol, sex mentions, some bi/homophobia, eventual explicit smut, some depression, consensual d/s undertones genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[first chapter]] [[previous chapter]]

a/n: hello all! apologies for the VERY long wait. i had this chapter in basically this exact same condition a MONTH ago and didn't post because i intended to be nice and add to it. however, i kept NOT, because tbh i'd always planned to end the chapter here, and didn't want to end it here just because of the long wait, and then the wait became longer... and then it became a whole cycle.

but i had an impulsive moment tonight, and basically demanded the ever-lovely elizajane's attention and cleaned it up for posting. i knew i'd just sit on it for ages if i didnt post, and the odds of adding it to it was probably low. now that it's out there, the odds of me moving forward and writing shoot up dramatically haha.

thank you each and every one of you for your never-ending and ever-present support. i love how patient and enthusiastic you are, even when i make you wait literal months for a chapter. my work life has been very hectic lately (i'm applying for a big thing this fall and it's a lot of time and effort and writing), but i promise i'm dedicating actual time in the next week to actually sitting down and sketching out how i want to get from here to the intended ending. i want everyone to experience the ending i have in my head for this fic, and i wanna figure out how to make that happen for all of us.

***************

Taking a break from the world and enjoying each other’s company was a wonderful decision. And sure, they had spent half the day working, but they’d been working together. In bed. Alone.

This was a development that Phil was very okay with. For one, working in bed was a lot more comfortable than the chairs at B&G. And while skype calls were better than the coffee shop, where Phil was at least able to sit on his sofa instead of a stiff chair, they didn’t hold a candle to this setup. Because in this new arrangement, Phil had been able to reach out and touch Dan anytime he’d wanted. And Dan could touch him back — in fact, Dan had spent the majority of the day touching him back.

Plus, once they’d finished their work, they’d been able to set computers and journals and pens aside and focus on each other. Three hours, a nap, and another round of making out later, Phil was feeling… content. He couldn’t quite place the feeling. It was domestic and warm, nice in a way he hadn’t ever really experienced before. In a way he very much wanted to experience for as long as possible.

It had been a solid twenty minutes, maybe thirty — Phil couldn’t see the clock from his current position — since Dan had settled in Phil’s arms again, arm looped around Phil’s bare waist, head tucked into Phil’s shoulder. For a while, Dan had been tracing faint, tickling designs on Phil’s side, but somewhere along the way, the movements had stopped. Phil was beginning to wonder if Dan had fallen asleep again. It wouldn’t have been that surprising; in fact, it might have been the only explanation for Dan being this quiet and this still for this long. Quiet and still weren’t exactly Dan’s normal behavior.

Curious, Phil grazed his fingers up and down Dan’s arm, keeping his touch light enough that it wouldn’t wake Dan if he was asleep, but just enough that Dan would still be able to feel it if he was in fact awake. Phil was surprised when Dan let out a quiet hum. Stilling his fingers, Phil turned his head to peek at Dan’s face. His eyes were closed, but his lips were quirked up into a small smile, giving away the fact that he was undoubtedly awake. Awake — and maybe, just maybe, happy. Phil’s mouth twitched up into a small smile of his own — Dan’s happiness made him happy.

“That felt nice,” Dan murmured, just a smidge of petulance in his voice. Phil took the hint and resumed gently stroking Dan’s arm. “Good boy,” Dan mumbled, so quiet that Phil could barely hear him.

Chuckling, Phil bit back a quip about how Dan was the good boy here, because now didn’t seem like the right time for that. Now was too soft of a moment to have a serious conversation about it, and it certainly wasn’t the right moment to… derail with sex. It was too nice. So instead, Phil relaxed quietly and let his fingers draw aimless paths from Dan’s shoulder to his wrist, enjoying the moment.

“This is nice,” Dan murmured again, this time sounding nothing but pleased as he wiggled closer to Phil, his head burrowing ever so slightly deeper into Phil’s shoulder and his grip tightening just a hair.

“It is,” Phil agreed lowly, as if speaking too loudly would shatter the moment.

A beat of silence passed between them, and Phil wondered if Dan was just as reluctant to break the reverie as he was.

But the silence couldn’t last forever — Phil didn’t expect that it could. A few minutes later, Dan was tilting his head up to look at Phil, his eyes already filled with dread. “I’m beginning to feel a bit badly about ignoring the rest of the world, though.” Dan didn’t sound like he felt guilty, his voice the same serene, easy tone as before.

“Get up on the count of three?” Phil offered, stilling his hand on Dan’s bicep.

“I don’t feel that bad,” Dan whined with an exaggerated eyeroll.

Phil giggled at the adorable manchild in his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head, his fingers once again resuming their path. “You can count at whatever pace you want, silly old bear.”

Dan’s gaze softened, and his lips shifted from an immature pout to a playful smirk. “Fine, but we’re starting at negative five,” he compromised smugly, sounding sure that he’d gotten the best of Phil.

“Deal,” Phil agreed readily. His desire to move Dan was half-hearted at best, really only driven by Dan’s ambivalent efforts to get up.

Dan, apparently satisfied with Phil’s response, settled his head back into the crevice of Phil’s neck, and looped his arm snugly around Phil’s stomach. Burrowing his head closer to Phil’s chest, Dan murmured a quiet and unconvincing negative four.

It took Dan fifteen minutes to count to zero, and another ten to get to three. True to their agreement, though, Dan pushed himself up and out of Phil’s arms as he called out the last number. Seeming to capitalize on his momentum, Dan swung his legs to the floor and climbed out of the bed, swiping both their phones off the nightstand.

“Is it time?” Phil asked, unable to curb his reluctance, even as he caught his phone when Dan threw it at him.

“It’s time,” Dan confirmed, still standing by the bed. He didn’t sound any more pleased about it than Phil felt, but he was already in the process of unlocking his own phone, so Phil figured there was no escaping reality at this point.

Pressing his thumb to the home button, Phil unlocked his phone, only getting as far as his home screen — where there were approximately fifty thousand notifications — before he was sidetracked by a sharp what the fuck from Dan.

For a second, Phil was torn on what to do first. It seemed like every app had at least a dozen notifications — and some had literally hundreds. His finger froze, debating if he should open his email or twitter or instagram or tumblr or messages or whatsapp or —

Jesus, even Phil’s calendar app had notifications. That never happened, not outside of previously-discussed meeting invitations at least.

“What in the actual fuck?” Dan muttered, drawing Phil’s attention up; Dan, and his confused distress, seemed like a better place to start than the notifications anyway. Everyone else in the world could wait — and not just because they weren’t right in front of Phil.

“What is it?” he asked, trying his best to keep the apprehensive fear out of his voice (and doing a bang up job of it, he was certain).

“I— someone— last night—” Dan stopped and started several times, his voice growing higher and higher pitched with every attempt, his eyes still focused on his screen. Each start gave no more insight to his increasing distress than the last.

“Dan,” Phil urged, his voice just this side of commanding. He was nervous and increasingly worried, and his anxiety was already getting the best of him.

“There’s— picture,” Dan finally spat out, voice strangled, panicked.

Realization — and his own fair share of fear — washed over Phil, a deep sense of dread churning in his stomach as his mind flashed through image after erotic image of what could have been photographed from last night: Dan blushing at the table while they talked about rimming, Dan straddling his lap in the club and grinding down, Phil pressing Dan against the bar and feeding him limes in the most suggestive way possible, Dan grinding his arse into his crotch and dancing on a crowded and anonymous dance floor…

Phil’s imagination was saved the effort of conjuring up more wonderful but wildly inappropriate memories by Dan thrusting his phone into Phil’s face, far too close for Phil to actually focus on the image on the screen. Calmly, or at least in some version of what Phil hoped seemed calm but probably wasn’t, Phil plucked the phone out of Dan’s hand and held it at a reasonable distance, preparing himself for the worst.

His eyes adjusted, and he took in the picture.

The first thing Phil noticed was that the photo was dark and grainy, but there was no mistaking it was them, not with Dan’s brown curls and dark clothes, and Phil’s dark quiff and brighter outfit. Still, it was far better than any of Phil’s fears — it wasn’t from the restaurant or the club or the dance floor, they weren’t grinding or kissing or teasingly touching each other.

The picture didn’t scream platonic friends, but at the same time, there wasn’t anything explicitly confirmatory about it. There were no obvious hickeys, no lips pressed against lips or throats or collarbones, no hands straying to explicitly private parts.

There was still a shred of plausible deniability.

Oddly enough, the picture seemed to capture the same thing Dan’s new lyrics had — the softer, more romantic and gentle part of the night, the part where they’d sunk into each other. The part where they were full of lust, but undoubtedly full of something else, too.

No, the photo wasn’t some dirty, grainy shot of them at their horniest. It was taken from the back, which explained why they hadn’t noticed the photographer — although the absurd amount of alcohol probably explained that equally as well. They were stopped at a crosswalk, standing side-by-side on the corner, their arms looped around each other’s waists.

Or, well, Dan’s arm was looped around Phil’s waist. Phil’s arm was a bit — a lot — lower. His hand wasn’t so much gripping Dan’s hip as it was the side of his arse.

The placement of Phil’s wandering hand wasn’t great, but compared to their faces…

Dan’s head was tipped sideways onto Phil’s shoulder, chin angled up so his mouth was very obviously accessible for Phil’s. Phil’s own face was turned to look at Dan, bent down at an unnatural angle, his expression a blurry picture of fondness.

Phil couldn’t help but wonder why the photographer — whoever they were — shared this moment, and not the one immediately after. The moment where Phil was nearly certain he’d closed the small distance between them and kissed Dan’s begging lips.

It looked coupley, of course it did, it couldn’t not. But there was room to spin it.

Probably.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Phil schooled his face into a neutral expression and lowered the phone — not that it mattered that much; it wasn’t like Dan’s phone was big enough to hide Phil’s entire face, and Phil was certain that his initial expression hadn’t been the most… composed of all reactions he could have had.

“Okay,” Phil said shortly. His one-word response was clipped, monotone. Drawing a deep breath, he tried his best to sound a bit more alive, a bit more positive, when he continued. “Could’ve been worse, all things considered.”

There. That was a true statement.

Dan raised his eyebrows and cocked his head, shrugging his shoulder in a noncommittal I guess fashion. He snatched his phone out of Phil’s hand and studied the picture for a second longer before looking back up to Phil.

“You can’t tell if either of us are hard, I guess that’s something,” Dan finally conceded. He pursed his lips, his mouth scrunching to one side as he stared harder at his screen.

“True,” Phil agreed, genuinely thankful for the small victory — he knew he’d been at least semi-hard for a large part of the previous night, and he was pretty sure the same went for Dan, too. Phil’s branding could handle some drunk walking and cuddling with a friend (or someone more, his audience didn’t need to know the specifics). He wasn’t sure how well his branding would mesh with stiff cocks and hot lips and groping hands, though.

Twirling his own phone between his thumb and forefinger, Phil trained his gaze on Dan’s face, carefully watching for any minute hint of emotion. Dan’s expression was steadfastly neutral, albeit pinched, though, making it nearly impossible for Phil to read what Dan was thinking.

“What next?” Phil finally relented when the silence went on for too long. The desperation to do something — whether it was responding to every single tweet they’d been tagged in or deleting every contact who’d messaged them about the picture — was gnawing at Phil’s nerves and his fingers were itching to do anything at this point.

Antarctica could be nice, Phil thought. At least penguins were cute. And probably easier to please than excited fans.

Dan sighed, dropping his attention back down to his phone. “I reckon we should start by seeing what people are saying,” Dan mumbled, already tapping about on his phone as he collapsed back onto the bed, his back leaning against the headboard, his side pressing up alongside Phil’s. “No point in talking ‘bout what we want to do until we know what everyone’s thinking.”

“Great,” Phil agreed, an uncharacteristic note of sarcasm creeping into his response — maybe it was from being around Dan so much, or maybe it was the only way he could cope with the severity of the current situation. “Reading through all my twitter mentions is exactly what I want to do right now,” he huffed, punctuating his complaint with an eyeroll.

Dan and his sass were definitely beginning to rub off on him.

Whining aside, both Dan and Phil opened their twitters. Phil swiped directly over to his mentions, impatience getting the best of him. Almost all of them mentioned Dan too, and a not-insignificant portion were in response to the original tweeted picture of them. Phil had learned from experience: the more people responded to the source of gossip, the more people the gossip reached.

As Phil scrolled through his tweets, he gathered that most people's reactions were positive — ranging from excited keyboard smashes to multi-tweet threads of encouragement, support, and firm warnings to respect his and Dan’s privacy. Somewhere in between the extremes, though, were a bunch of overly intrusive, speculative tweets that had Phil groaning. There were tweets that tried to guess at the context of the photo, tweet threads that in-depth speculated on the nature of his and Dan’s relationship, back-and-forth tweets arguing about the timeline of their romance.

It was too much to keep reading, and besides, Phil had well gotten the gist of it all by now. He glanced over at Dan, mainly to see his reaction, only to find that Dan was scrolling through a hashtag that Phil had only noticed in passing, not fully registering its popularity.

#Phanconfirmed

“There’s a hashtag?” Phil asked wearily, despite the fact that between his feed and Dan’s screen, the answer was obvious.

“It’s trending,” Dan confirmed, his voice still flat as he scrolled through page after page of tweets. “Worldwide,” he added.

“Fuck,” Phil mumbled, incapable of much else at this moment. Dan might have been hung up reading tweets in the hashtag, but Phil was pretty certain he didn’t have it in him at this moment in time. Closing out of the app, Phil switched over to his calendar, then his voicemail, then his messages.

Just from the badges on the apps, Phil knew it’d be bad. All things considered, though, he wasn’t nearly as prepared as he should have been. “I’ve got eight missed calls, five voicemails, and three virtual meeting invites from my manager,” Phil said, half to himself and half to Dan. “And a rather demanding text.”

And those weren’t even counting the ones from PJ and Martyn and his mum. Now definitely didn’t seem like the moment to deal with those.

“Shit,” Dan cursed under his breath. “I should probably check mine, too,” he conceded, this time a little louder.

Phil tore his eyes from his screen — he didn’t particularly want to keep staring at Marianne’s assertive call me asap message anyway — and watched as Dan tapped through his own phone and message apps.

“Sixteen calls, nine voicemails, and ten texts from Louise,” Dan read off unnecessarily, still sounding like he was in a state of shock. Tapping back to his full message list, Dan continued, “Adaline texted five times, too. I’m sure those aren’t hunting for gossip at all,” Dan huffed, dropping his phone and burying his face in his hands.

Phil made a sympathetic noise. His brother wasn’t much of a gossiper, but his whole family knew Martyn was more likely to get dirt out of Phil than anyone else, so he was willing to bet his brother’s texts had the same intentions as Dan’s sister’s.

Dan rubbed his face, clearly agitated. “Fuck, I don’t even want to think about what my parents are saying — I kind of put a moratorium on discussing my love life with them.”

As much as that statement piqued Phil’s interest, he couldn’t bring himself to focus on it right now; his mind was too focused on his own parents — and the fact that he'd barely gotten around to telling his mum anything. He’d shot her a text while they were waiting to board their plane to New York, just a vague message about how she might be seeing his name pop up in celebrity gossip columns and yes he was dating someone and no he didn’t have time to call her and regale her with the details right then. That definitely wasn’t enough anymore, not given the fact that there was now actual photographic evidence of Phil intertwined with a very obviously famous boy that his mum would definitely recognize. So Phil filed Dan’s stray comment about keeping his parents and love life separate into the discuss later part of his brain.

Turning his focus back to the problem at hand, Phil tried to search for a solution. “We should call them, right? Our managers, I mean,” Phil asked, uncertain and unconvinced with his own suggestion. “Or should we talk about this first, just us?”

Dan clicked his phone off, chucking it haphazardly into his lap, and rolled his head to face Phil. His face was still tense with stress, his eyes lit up with something far too close to regret for Phil’s comfort.

“I’m sorry I was all over you last night, I feel like this is my fault,” Dan lamented, his eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds. It wasn’t an answer to Phil’s question, it was just an… unnecessary apology.

“Hey,” Phil said softly, nudging his shoulder against Dan’s and tipping his head up with gentle fingers on Dan’s chin. Their gazes finally met, and Phil pressed a sweet kiss to Dan’s forehead. “Last night was just as much me as it was you,” Phil assured him.

“Yeah, but I was the sloppy, needy one who practically begged his boyfriend to take care of him,” Dan rebutted, his face still filled with far more remorse than Phil ever wanted to see on it.

“Shush,” Phil admonished kindly. “You may have been a bit needy, but I was more than willing to take care of you, baby. I don’t want you to ever feel bad for asking for what you need, I want to give it to you no matter what.”

Dan’s eyes snapped shut again, his breath coming a bit heavier than it had been a minute ago. A tense moment passed before he finally spoke.

“Fuck, Phil. You can’t just say shit like that,” he grumbled, eyes batting open and boring into Phil’s. “Not if you’re not willing to fuck me, anyway,” he added, a hint of a smirk toying at his lips.

“Later, babe, after we deal with this.” Phil kissed Dan’s forehead again, this time letting his lips linger for a few seconds before pulling back and letting Dan’s chin dip back down. Gaze trained on the top of Dan’s head and eyes tracing the messy curls, Phil’s mind drifted back to the problem at hand.

Fiddling with his phone in one hand as he searched for what to say next, Phil’s mind fumbled through vague, half-formed ideas. But before he could articulate any of them, the harsh, unexpected vibrating of his phone derailed his thoughts. Even as he glanced down, Phil could already guess that the call was from his manager — in hindsight, the buzzing really shouldn’t be that surprising, given all the other missed calls.

“I can let it go to voicemail,” Phil offered, making no move to answer the call. “That way we can talk first.”

“No, it’s fine,” Dan sighed. “Stalling won’t make things any easier. Just… figure out what she’s thinking and don’t agree to anything major, and I’ll do the same with Louise and then we can figure it out together.”

“Mmk,” Phil hummed in agreement, swiping to answer the call at the last second. “Hi, Marianne,” he greeted when the call connected. His voice had none of its usual enthusiasm, and his attention was only half focused on the call — the rest of it was watching Dan dial his own call, presumably to Louise, as he made his way to the bathroom and shut the door.

As much as Phil wanted to know what was happening with Dan’s conversation, the separation was probably for the best. Phil was certain that he wouldn’t be able to focus on his own conversation if Dan was still in the room.

Marianne didn’t beat around the bush; there were no pleasantries, no polite inquiries about his trip to the US. Instead, she jumped right into the crux of the drama.

“Phil, I didn’t push you to address the rumors when Dan came out,” Marianne said, her voice stern and leaving no room for discussion. “But you cannot ignore two scandals in a week.”

“I —” Phil started, intending to push back. But even as he pieced together his rebuttal, he knew she was right. His silence would only fuel the rumors, and besides, he felt like he needed to tell his audience something. In the past, he’d always been open about his friends, had always regaled his audience with tales of his travels, had always acknowledged any drama he was dragged into.

Phil sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he was definitely going to have to do something publically. “Fine, you’re right. What do you have in mind?”

“The sooner you respond, the better,” Marianne answered immediately, sounding like she’d already thought this through — and she probably had. Unlike Phil, she’d known about this for almost the whole day, not a handful of minutes. “I think you should move your liveshow up to tonight. You should probably start by saying that you’re in New York with Dan, even though that’s well obvious at this point.”

Phil huffed a laugh, but Marianne continued without pausing.

“You can let the picture come up naturally — I’m sure plenty of people will be asking about it. Don’t just answer the first one on a whim though, wait until you find one that you feel comfortable answering. One you think can be a good opening to the topic. And then you can tell your version of the story.”

“Okay,” Phil said slowly, his mind already fast-forwarding to the liveshow, spinning the story different ways and imagining how his audience might respond. Sighing, Phil asked the question he knew Marianne would answer anyway, but that he just wanted out of the way at this point. “I know you have an opinion about what I should say, so let’s hear it,” he mumbled, resigned. At this point, he had no idea what he should do, and he was open to just about any suggestion.

“Of course I do,” Marianne said. Phil bit his lip, waiting with bated breath to hear her assessment. “But,” she continued after a second’s pause, “this isn’t just about your career, it’s your life. And it’s Dan’s life, too. Whatever you say, it needs to be what’s right for the both of you, and I can’t answer that.”

“I — yeah. You’re right. Thanks,” Phil said gratefully before running through the logistics of the liveshow. One of his favorite parts about working with Marianne was that she wasn’t overly controlling, especially when it came to stuff that would actually impact Phil’s personal life.

“So…” Marianne broached tentatively. “Do you think you know what you want to do?”

Phil cast his gaze about the room, his eyes catching on movement from the hallway; the bathroom door was opening and Dan stepped out, one hand aggravatedly rubbing down his face.

“Not yet, Marianne,” Phil answered, his eyes trained on Dan. “I’ll figure it out before I go live tonight, though.”

“Sounds good,” she agreed politely. There was a brief pause before, “Phil?”

“Mmm?” Phil hummed in response, thrown off by the uncharacteristically tentative tone.

Marianne took a deep breath. “Do whatever you think is best,” she said, strong and sure. “You have my full support.”

“Thanks,” Phil murmured, taken aback by the sincerity of the moment — he always had known Marianne cared for him, she’d been his manager for years after all, but their relationship was always based on business. They weren’t like Dan and Louise, they weren’t friends first and professionals second.

The unconditional support, while perhaps surprising, was certainly welcomed.

“I’ll let you know what we decide,” Phil promised softly. After saying goodbye, he hung up and turned to Dan, who was already off the phone with Louise and hovering near the entrance to the bedroom.

Phil tapped his phone against his thigh, his nervous energy needing some outlet. He glanced down and saw that the screen had gone back to the last thing he was looking at before the call came through — twitter. “So Marianne wants me to—”

“Do your liveshow tonight,” Dan finished for him swiftly. He moved further into the room, sitting back on his side of the bed. “Yeah, I gathered.”

Turning his attention to his phone, Phil navigated back to his profile. He clicked on the picture and gave it a good, long stare, trying trying to analyze it objectively. Trying to see it through his audience’s eyes.

Trying to decipher his own feelings about it.

“What do I say?” Phil asked, holding his breath. His own indecisiveness aside, he needed to know where Dan’s mind was at. Phil knew Dan hadn’t wanted to get into the specifics with their audiences, but, well, things had clearly changed. And now, Phil had no idea what to expect — he wasn’t sure if Dan would want to hold onto that shred of deniability, or if Dan’s newly-loud bi-pride would mean he’d want to fully embrace the implications of the picture.

At this point, Phil wasn’t even sure how he wanted to handle the picture. Objectively, he knew the most on brand way spin it: find the most platonic, innocent angle and double down, deny any sexual or romantic implications. He didn’t need to say it out loud, didn’t need to hear Marianne say it, to know it was the most AmazingPhil reaction he could muster up.

But even as he played out the fabricated story in his head, he was pretty sure he hated it.

Phil glanced up at Dan, waiting with bated breath for his reaction. For several seconds, the world was silent; it was just Dan biting his bottom lip, his eyes trained on the photo on Phil’s screen, and his face betraying absolutely no indication of what was going through his mind. Finally, his gaze flitted back up to Phil, his eyes clouded and unclear. “That I was drunk and cold and you were taking me back.”

Phil quirked an eyebrow, a million follow-up questions immediately badgering his mind — the same follow up questions that everyone would have. Where were they before? What had they been doing that got Dan drunk? Were other people with them? Was Phil drunk, too? Had this happened before? Were they going back to the same room? Was Dan this touchy with everyone when he was drunk, or was that just Phil?

Dan shrugged but didn’t avert his gaze. “That’s enough of an answer. If people want to assume that back meant to a shared room, fine. If they assume it’s to a different room in the same hotel, fine.”

“Mmm,” Phil hummed noncommittally, just enough to show Dan he was listening.

Dan’s eyes shifted to the desk, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. Phil had known Dan long enough to recognize his thinking face, so he waited, swallowing back all the questions he was tempted to ask. Finally, Dan continued, once again meeting Phil’s gaze, a spark of resolution in his eyes. “I don’t want to lie,” he said firmly. “But also, the past few days have been… a lot. Significant. I wanted to… let them stand alone. And my relationships — I’ve always tried to keep my personal life private, but I also haven’t exactly ever been forced to ever own up or deny them.”

Phil nodded slowly. “That’s fair,” he agreed, his words like molasses. He understood Dan’s points, he really did. He was so, so thrilled that Dan didn’t want to hide this relationship — a distinct change from the relationships Dan had described having with other boys (and most girls, for that matter). Nervously, Phil cocked his head. “And, hypothetically, what if I’m forced to confirm or deny?”

It was an entirely unnecessary question, really. Phil was planning to do a liveshow — the audience was always entirely separated from him, there was never a way for them to know for certain which questions Phil had and had not seen. Unless literally every single question was about Dan, Phil’s hand wouldn’t be forced.

But still… Phil wanted to know. He needed to know where Dan stood, where his mind was at right now. So Phil stared at Dan curiously, brow cocked and head tilted, until Dan finally responded.

Once again, Dan shrugged, but this time it wasn’t as… apathetic. This time, it was just… resigned, maybe? Phil couldn’t quite tell; he didn’t like not being able to read Dan’s body language.

“I’m not gonna dictate what you should and shouldn’t say to your audience,” Dan said, lips pursed. “If you feel backed into a corner, say whatever you want. I know you’re not gonna fuck me over.” Dan rubbed his hands over his face, nervous energy lacing the movement. He dropped his hands and looked back at Phil. “Like I said, I don’t wanna lie, but I also don’t wanna make you feel like you have to tell your audience anything in particular.”

“So just to be clear,” Phil started, a smile creeping onto his face and into his voice. “If — for some reason — I have to say yes or no, it’s okay if I say either?”

“Phil.” Dan’s voice was low and uncharacteristically sincere, his pupils blown wide, and his hand twitching like it was fighting back the urge to reach for Phil’s. “I’m having an amazing time with you and I’m...I’m in this... for the long haul,” Dan’s gaze flickered to the side, resting on his black notebook next to his leg. His words were slow and deliberate, like he was carefully selecting each one.

Phil couldn’t tune out the butterflies that were beating against his stomach, and could barely bite back an overly enthusiastic me too.

But Dan ploughed on before Phil could say anything, and maybe that was for the best. “I’m having trouble imagining a world where it’s not eventually completely obvious what you are to me, so...” Phil’s mind jumped to all the possible whys behind that statement; he couldn’t help it. Dan’s lyrics and album theme flashed through his mind, but so did Dan’s instagram posts and flirty tweets.

Dan’s eyes finally shifted back to Phil’s, determined, tenacious. “So I’d rather not lie,” Dan said, sure and confident. “If they know something for certain, I’d rather it be the truth. Because I don’t want to spend the rest of — of —”

Dan’s gaze dropped again, and Phil bit his lips, holding back a smile as he imagined what the rest of Dan’s sentence might be, what it might mean. Everything Dan had said today seemed half shared, just a small portion of what Dan seemed to want to say. Phil didn’t want to be overly presumptuous, to pretend he knew what Dan was thinking, but he felt confident in his guesses to the end of at least a few of Dan’s sentences.

Dan opened and closed his mouth, over and over, not speaking. Finally, he sighed, and Phil expected him to say something, anything, concrete — more because Dan was strong willed, and less because Phil couldn’t predict what he might be thinking. But instead, Dan rose up off the bed and headed for the bathroom, halting just before the door. Eyes trained on the floor, Dan muttered, “If you have to say something, say whatever you want — I trust you. I’d just prefer it to be the truth.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #slow burn #singer!dan #barista!phil #phan au #coffee shop au #au #ly #mine #iminclinedtowriting #love yourself

67 notes · View notes

sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years

Note

my guess is the whole cognition thing was meant to vary between individual targets since they see the world differently, thus allowing for different moments like one allowing the PT to change outfits (I haven't played PQ2 so I have no idea how cognition works in that game sry) prolly to make the writing process more flexible so things like that wouldn't be plot holes, buuuut I don't think it worked (or the frantic rewriting led to them just not caring like "eh it's a nitpick they won't care")

I’d agree, but considering this is such a key piece of lore, you’d think they’d mention it (again you’d think, but this is P5, no one needs to think, not even the writers 8U). Tho there is one thing that might play into what you are saying (spoiler for below: it’s the threat count). In all honesty I’m been wracking my brain around Shido’s Ship, MC’s initial summon, and PQ2′s lobby (esp since my last post, linked below when talking about Futaba).....and the only thing I can figure out a reason is probably this (under cut because I’ve lost control of my life, actually no I’ve always been long winded...aka....under the cut cause of the usual 8U):

(also they have their shoes off here, and then shoes on after the cutscene, makes no sense, just a daily reminder of this 8U) The only time Mona is in his “outfit” and no one else is-is when:

The person hasn’t obtained their Persona yet

After the MC obtained his Persona, his clothes reverted back (only to come back when he has to do another tutorial fight), it takes till the next day for him to constantly have his outfit on. (but it’s stated it’s because he doesn’t have full control over his power yet)

Shido’s ship when the girls changed into swimsuits

PQ2′s lobby (everyone else’s outfit disappears).

Uhhhh when they first go to Mementos, before they descend (tho once they do their outfits change) (that being said they said it’s cause of “the Shadows knowing they are there”....wait)

Futaba’s dungeon at the beginning as seen above

Oh almost forgot Sae, before you go inside her Palace, at the entrance and before that you don’t change, but after you meet her the Shadow deems you as a threat then even at the entrance you a deemed a threat.....BUT after you are caught you aren’t deemed a threat (but even Goro isn’t deemed one but....sigh). And I guess the interrogation room your clothes don’t change.

#1′s easy and consistent so no need to look at that. Just seems to mean Mona is susceptible to all and any level of cognition/distortion.

#2 is really interesting and wish we got more of it (or at least explained more cause....I have questions) esp since it seems to be explained by #6 (that being said, they said it’s cause he doesn’t have full control over his power so.....¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ll try to fix it with later reasoning but hey it’s hard when the game has multiple answers for the same gd question lying to us trying to convince us it’s consistent when it’s not). In #2′s setting the MC isn’t considered a threat yet, at least his IRL identity isn’t. It’s only after he really talks to Kamo after escaping the dungeon, do we see a change the next time he goes in (aka Kamo saw him as a threat). Tho, here’s my question to that he also instantly sees Anne and Ryuji as a threat not long after they gain their Personas. Ryuji I get it, there’s always been animosity, but you’d think Anne wouldn’t be able to touch him IRL. so she’d be outfit-less outside of fights. It’d also make me question why, if they’ve never met a target IRL did they have their outfits equip? I mean iirc their outfits didn’t change for Okumura, and the reasoning is that he sees EVERYONE regardless of who they are, EVEN HIS OWN DAUGHTER as a threat! And tbh that makes sense for his dungeon. And you could retroactively apply this to previous dungeons (minus Kamo and Futaba) but......why wait till the 5TH GD DUNGEON FOR THIS KEY PIECE OF INFO??? *inhales* lfjksdafj;af

#3, watch me become an olympic pretzel trying to make this square peg fit into a round hole. By changing into swim suites the girls are not deemed as a threat, and will change into PT outfits if/when threatened like what happened for the MC on his first day. Except, PT outfits are kinda like Keyblades and are always with the characters, so.....even if they took them off they should just appear back on. Esp if Shido is like Okumura and deems everyone a threat, the PT don’t have control of their outfits to a big extent, the world overrides their wants the majority of the time (aka if they see you as a threat, you’re a threat no choice in the matter. BUT the one time the outfits overrule the world, is if the user is under a threat despite the world deeming them to not be one).

#4 I don’t know. Maybe the PT aren’t deemed as a threat, or the shadows don’t know they are there (can’t be because they are n00bs tho)? From what I can find/remember it’s not explained. That being said, P3/4 guys should 100% have PT outfits in that game, no if ands or butts. The ONLY thing different between PQ2′s world and the Metaverse is that they can’t use guns (BUT they can have outfits). And the lack of outfits for the P3/4 cast is lore breaking in and of itself. No really, I explain it all here (most of it is showing how the lore was built up throughout the game so it backs up the conclusion, but the real smoking gun is Futaba, so just ctrl+F “Futaba” and it brings you to the conclusion).

#5 *sigh* that stupid reasoning aside, I’m not against the idea (but it’s inconsistent, because wouldn’t Shadow!Kamo deem him a threat as well, and be forced to keep his outfit on? “Oh but he’s a n00b” no game, you have three explanations for one gd thing and they don’t mix well together pick one and stick with it...threat level via the host not Shadow makes a lot of sense just keep that one). Technically Mementos is its own palace, so not going inside it would mean you aren’t a threat to that Palace. Which I could work with. BUT since this is the public’s Palace, and they don’t know who the PT are....shouldn’t they not change yet? It’d be more impactful if over the course of the game, as they got popular they were finally deemed a threat to society and thus the gained an (consistently of course, with the outfit triggering for battle) outfit when they walked in.

#6 Makes sense tbh, tho, while I’m on board with it, it does make me wonder how far the threat level reaches.......is it at the entrance? Is it the entire plane? What is it? Also it’s high key stupid that they were deemed a threat by Futaba’s Shadow, esp if her Shadow has her best interests in mind....this dungeons just a mess from start to finish it makes no sense.

#7 Haha...really makes me wonder how far the threat level stretches. Because Mementos it’s not till you get inside the station that they deem you a threat, so there seems to be a distance thing (I mean so is pulling people in but we don’t need consistency :’D). Cause if they are far enough (which they are they freaking checked that their clothes don’t change), then there’s no need to worry about her “suspecting Goro” (cause his outfit would change otherwise, but since they are far enough they don’t have to worry)....BUT by her sending him and her to the Metaverse, that’d mean she DOES suspect him.....so wait what’s the point of her “not suspecting him”??????? It’d also be more interesting if Mako and Goro didn’t change outfits, because she doesn’t suspect them but kelsfjldkjfa

P5: We’re so smartMe: Why do you keep doing dumb shit then????

Anyway I’d agree with you that maybe they wanted to be flexible, but they don’t......provide the ground work for that. It def feels like they threw shit together and didn’t think we’d notice. I mean there are A LOT of writers in this game, that could explain the consistency issues. I mean it explains it not excuses it, they had years to fix it (unlike Ultimax it seems, that shit was ruuuuuuushed in such a short time).

Anyway if they wanted to make it flexible, they’d make it consistently the IRL Palace host’s threat level/way of thinking (not the Shadow self, nothing else, just the host). Cause everything, even their shadows in P5, reflects their state of mind. It’d also make for great visual storytelling too, such as Kamo deeming all the guys threats after he realizes he can’t control them, and never viewing Anne as a threat (aka showcasing he can get away with it). It’d give Okumura’s “doesn’t even trust his own daughter” thing even more weight when we got to it. Or Futaba’s complete and utter desperation to be helped more impact as well (it’d at least be a step to fixing that horrible Palace, eff it’s lore and the sphinx it rode in on). It could showcase another Palace hosts’ growing anxiety, and how they trusted people but now trust no one since the start of the dungeon. It could showcase their preferences (aka Kamoshida views rebelling males vs subjecting males/any females), or maybe they don’t like cats so Mona’s appearance is veeeery wonky in one. It could be a great way to reveal different things about the Host in a short amount of time, but this is P5 and we don’t care~! :D DX

Then again this might butt heads with the Cognitive versions, but then there’s no reasoning behind MC’s inability to maintain his outfit the first day (or why no one else has this issue). No the n00b thing makes no sense (esp since it consistently shows up when there’s trouble and disappears when trouble is gone, so it seems less about control than it is only essential when there’s danger around), because we still have the Shadow explanation from Mementos to go by and Shadow Futaba’s threat level too. But I’d say it’s totally possible that they can both exist (if explained right), Cognitive selves show 100% what that person thinks of them, while if they deem them a threat or not only affects if their outfit appears (because that is tied to the cognitive world, not the real person). With the cognitive selves serving as insight and an explanation as to why the host doesn’t deem that specific person as a threat.

6 notes · View notes

f4liveblogarchives · 4 years

Text

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #182

Wed Aug 21 2019 [11:24 PM] Wack'd: Strap in because we've got seven straight issues of Len Wein [11:24 PM] Bocaj: The LenWeinening [11:26 PM] Wack'd: So when last we saw our heroes Counter-Reed, who is Reed from Counter-Earth, had stranded Reed, who is Counter-Reed from Earth, in the Negative Zone, and then Annihilus was like "hey we need to team up" so he and Reed teamed up against the Mad Thinker who is some kind of green lion now [11:26 PM] Wack'd: Also Sue is on to Counter-Reed so she and Alicia have teamed up to find a plan to counter Counter-Reed [11:27 PM] Wack'd: Also according to the letters page, which I neglected to mention, the Editor-in-Chief door with all the names crossed out? A real thing that hung on Archie Goodwin's door for a while. The more you knoooooooow [11:28 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Ben, Tigra, Thundra, Impossible Man, and Johnny come back with the hot robot from last issue and try to get Counter-Reed to figure out who's behind it [11:29 PM] maxwellelvis: That's "hot" as in wanted or possibly stolen [11:29 PM] maxwellelvis: they don't, like, find the robot physically attractive. [11:29 PM] Wack'd: No, that's "hot" as in "generates a fuckton of heat" [11:29 PM] maxwellelvis: Ahh [11:29 PM] Umbramatic: why not both [11:29 PM] Bocaj: Por que no- dammit [11:29 PM] Umbramatic: or all three [11:29 PM] Wack'd: But also it might've been stolen because last issue the government was demanding to hold onto it, so [11:30 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Counter-Reed covers for his inadequacies by ordering Thundra, Greer (trying to use given names), and Impy to go double-check the bank for clues. As they leave Greer is like "hey, did anyone else notice we don't work for him, what the fuck is going on" [11:31 PM] Wack'd: She also had suspected Counter-Reed is not Reed but is in fact Counter-Reed [11:31 PM] Wack'd: God I hate imposter plots [11:31 PM] Bocaj: This is a lot smarter than people tend to be in imposter plots [11:31 PM] Bocaj: Like three people already onto him [11:31 PM] Wack'd: True [11:32 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Counter-Reed then tells Johnny and Ben that actually he's positive the robot came from the Negative Zone and they should go check it out [11:33 PM] Wack'd: In what I think is the biggest sign Roy Thomas' attempt to rehabilitate Reed has gone horribly wrong, Ben immediately leaps to the conclusion Counter-Reed shooed out Thundra and Greer because he's a patriarchal git [11:33 PM] Wack'd: And didn't want to send them on a dangerous mission [11:34 PM] Wack'd: To Ben's credit, he's also noticed Counter-Reed incessantly watching the Negative Zone monitor, but thinks it's because he wants to rescue his doppleganger because he's such a nice guy [11:34 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Does Ben this that’s good or bad? [11:34 PM] Wack'd: He does not make a judgement call, only acknowledges it as a known facet of Reed's character [11:34 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Ah [11:34 PM] KarkatTheDalek: Neutral Guy Ben Grimm [11:35 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Agatha also kidnapped Franklin recently. Remember that? We have like fifteen plots going on right now [11:36 PM] Bocaj: I do remember [11:36 PM] Wack'd: So apparently Agatha needs Franklin's powers to deal with something otherworldly invading her home [11:36 PM] Bocaj: Sure [11:37 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Franklin is like "I won't let anyone hurt you, Auntie Agatha" which is usually the part where the adult would say something patronizing about how brave they're being [11:37 PM] Wack'd: But Agatha is like "yes, obviously, that's the entire reason you're here" [11:38 PM] Bocaj: Agatha Harkness has always been patronizing but in a different way [11:38 PM] Bocaj: She's older than everyone and knows everyone is dumber than she is [11:38 PM] maxwellelvis: In the same way Animated Madame Webb is [11:38 PM] Bocaj: Also sometimes she's a ghost. And everybody knows ghosts are jerks [11:38 PM] Wack'd: ONLY. TOONAMI.

[11:39 PM] maxwellelvis: You thought that sounded like a soundbyte they'd grab for one of those rad promos, eh? [11:39 PM] Bocaj: They had that one about not being intimidated that played all the time [11:39 PM] Bocaj: I don't even remember what show it was from [11:39 PM] Wack'd: The joke is "we won't be intimidated by criminal threats" from the Fleischer Superman cartoons [11:39 PM] maxwellelvis: Ahh [11:39 PM] Wack'd: That soundbyte far outlived those cartoons, duration-on-Toonami-wise [11:40 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Agatha tries to do a magic battle with these shadowy figures but one of them has a gun that when fired locks Agatha's hands in heavy metal gauntlets [11:41 PM] Wack'd: And by the time Sue and Agatha arrive to collect Franklin, whoever these shadowy figures are teleport away with Agatha and Franklin [11:41 PM] Wack'd: They kidnapped a kidnapping [11:41 PM] Wack'd: Some kind of kidnap turducken [11:41 PM] Bocaj: Guns that shoot handcuffs? [11:41 PM] Bocaj: Ridiculous [11:41 PM] Bocaj: Only arrows can shoot handcuffs [11:41 PM] Wack'd: Not just handcuffs, they're like--I really should screencap this [11:41 PM] Wack'd:

[11:42 PM] maxwellelvis: He has a MAGIC GUN! [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Where'd he purchase that [11:42 PM] maxwellelvis: (Where'd he - dammit [11:42 PM] Wack'd: Meanwhile! Ben and Johnny finally catch up with the rest of the plot [11:43 PM] Wack'd: See, back in issue 51, Reed designed a thing that was basically just a rope attached to a belt to tether folks to the...Positive Zone?...while they were in the Negative Zone [11:43 PM] Wack'd: But he nearly got stranded, decided they were too dangerous, and replaced them with a more Kirbyish full-body rig [11:44 PM] Wack'd: Ben and Johnny are well inside the Negative Zone by the time they realize haha, whoops! Reed strapped them into the early version [11:44 PM] maxwellelvis: "Roy's not the only one who can pull out ancient continuity, I'll show him!" -- Len Wein, probably [11:45 PM] Wack'd: So yeah, Ben and Johnny are about to turn back around and kick Counter-Reed's ass, but by miraculous coincidence, just as they figure out the plot, they find Reed and Annihilus [11:46 PM] Wack'd: Mad Thinker must've been thrilled when he found out he could possess a monster in the Negative Zone with his exact facial hair

[11:46 PM] Wack'd: I wonder if that's true for all Negative Zone beings. Maybe that's why Reed has a beard now [11:47 PM] maxwellelvis: You know, Kiko wasn't anywhere near as tall as his old man, technically speaking. [11:47 PM] maxwellelvis: I wonder if Ben's throwing that out there because Dino DeLaurentiis' King Kong had come out in the previous year. [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Probably [11:48 PM] maxwellelvis: Also, yes, "Kiko" is the name of the Son of Kong. [11:48 PM] Wack'd: So Reed, Johnny, Ben, and Annihilus beat a hasty retreat, and Ben and Johnny are like "hm, our Reed would never team up with Annihilus, maybe we were wrong" [11:48 PM] Wack'd: And then it turns out their tether cables have been cut [11:48 PM] Wack'd: Which settles the issue [11:50 PM] Wack'd: OKAY SO [11:50 PM] Wack'd: You wanna talk ancient continuity? [11:50 PM] Wack'd: This giant beast is not, in fact, a native of the Negative Zone, but one of Mad Thinker's robots that got chucked in there back in #69 and got mutated or something [11:51 PM] Wack'd: ...why did I think Mad Thinker had a beard?

[11:51 PM] Wack'd: Dude still dresses like a high school track coach, I remembered that much right [11:51 PM] Bocaj: He might look less ridiculous with a beard [11:51 PM] Wack'd: He might! [11:51 PM] Bocaj: His hair sure is a decision he made [11:51 PM] Bocaj: And continues to make [11:51 PM] maxwellelvis: He's still built like a high school track coach, too. [11:53 PM] Wack'd: I enjoy the fact that back when Buscema and Buckler were revising everyone's hair styles Mad Thinker wasn't around and so now he's stuck like this [11:54 PM] Wack'd: Back in...I'm just gonna keep calling it the Positive Zone until someone objects [11:54 PM] Wack'd: Back in the Positive Zone Sue tells Reed that their son has been double-abducted [11:54 PM] Wack'd: And he takes a long. Long time to figure out how he should react to that. [11:54 PM] Wack'd: So now the gig is officially up. Sue's worst fears are confirmed [11:55 PM] Wack'd: So Counter-Reed goes into Brute mode because now he has no choice but to kick Sue's ass [11:55 PM] Wack'd: He also calls her "the weakest member of the Fantastic Four" and you know whenever anyone says that with a straight face, and are not written by Stan Lee, a major ass-kicking is about to happen [11:56 PM] Bocaj: Look, Lincoln had a mom [11:56 PM] Bocaj: and therefore now slavery is illegal [11:56 PM] Wack'd: Right, yes [11:56 PM] Wack'd: ...oh goddammit [11:56 PM] Wack'd: So instead Counter-Reed kicks Sue's ass thoroughly and tosses her out the top-story window of the Baxter [11:56 PM] Bocaj: 😐 [11:57 PM] Wack'd: I forgot this was "Cripple the B****" Wein we were dealing with for a moment [11:57 PM] Bocaj: OH SHIT [11:57 PM] Bocaj: THATS WHERE I KNOW THE NAME FROM?? [11:57 PM] Wack'd: Yeeeeeeeeeeep [11:59 PM] Wack'd: In the letters page: someone tries to puzzle out what Ben is made of ("I miss when everyone assumed it was 'orange rocks'," moans Thomas); and apparently Len Wein plans to explain why there's not a much greater mass of cosmic-ray-powered superbeings now that space travel is business as usual [12:00 AM] Wack'd: Oh! And an ad for Ms Marvel's first ongoing. Exciting! [12:01 AM] Wack'd: Somehow I can't imagine Kamala Khan being hyped to wear this

[12:01 AM] Bocaj: Love Kamala [12:01 AM] Bocaj: Ew they changed her costume [12:02 AM] Bocaj: I took too long to type and now my joke misunderstanding your words is belated to oblivion [12:02 AM] Bocaj: "Never before has a FIGHTING FEMALE cpatured the imagination of the reading public so DRAMATICALLY" [12:02 AM] Bocaj: why are you like this, comics

#1977 #Len Wein #Jim Shooter #Bill Mantlo #Archie Goodwin #Sal Buscema #The Main Book

3 notes · View notes

mikkock · 4 years

Note

Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?

Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)

But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)

SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)

So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.

They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)

cuties.

I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg

First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.

Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)

But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.

He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).

Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)

Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.

He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.

He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.

he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)

He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)

While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.

I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.

He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)

First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.

He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.

Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.

nerd.

Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.

Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…

He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.

Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)

best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth”

He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks).

He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.

but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.

his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)

while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)

if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.

he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.

he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget.

he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)

While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???

But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,,

Make them fall in love obviously.

Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.

So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed

BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.

Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.

First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.

The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)

Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.

(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)

Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)

in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.

(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)

SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)

Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.

Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)

n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)

#thats way less talk than i thought id do #prolly bc i wrote half of it when it was between midnight and one AM #wait no it was 2 am #but ye #sry if shit messy af #those two are my faves tho n talkin bout em on the spot is hard cuz my brain is screaming about everything bout em at once #if u wanna get more info on em do ask i love them so much n i feel i didnt do em justice here cuz speaking is a fraud words dont exist #im glad they caught ur interest tho #nothin more gratifyin than not being the only bitch who likes his own children

9 notes · View notes

ae0nx · 5 years

Text

FRUITS BASKET EPISODE 15

It’s a pretty chill one this week! Nice... pleasant... So therefore, it’s gonna be short haha I kid, it is kinda short but there’s still a bit to unpack.

- There was a lake episode? (I feel like this episode and the beach chapters have merged together in my mind) Although, it feels good to not remember anything! This will be fun

- I’m noticing how the new opening feels a bit... jarring. The 2001 opening and the previous ‘Again’ opening kind of held the spirit of Fruits Basket, with its slow moving yet emotional ballad and the slice of life of it all yet also being very emotive and heart wrenching. Whereas this fully encapsulates the feeling that Tohru brings into the zodiacs’ lives, yes, but I think it’s a bit too energetic? But I have a feeling the creators made a purposeful move with this opening to serve it as a palate cleanser as we move deeper into the manga and more into... emotionally taxing scenes... hmm..

I actually forgot myself and fell for Shigure’s fuckery as well. This episode has made me weak towards him, someone remind me what an awful person he is, please.

FUCK. It’s too early in the morning for me to get in my feelings. If I had a kid like Tohru, I’d spend 80% of my time crying (out of happiness and worry).

- I also love how majority of this episode is Kyo and Yuki making a 😯face at Tohru. Adorkable.

- Tohru just be falling off cliffs and shit, huh... 🤭

AW! SHIGURE! Looking out for Hatori! Being a good friend! Not being a scumbag! And that FACE! I can’t stay mad at that face. But in all seriousness, it was really nice to get this scene between Shigure and Hatori as I was beginning to question their friendship. Brb, I’m making my ‘Shigure has a heart’ placard. (I know he’ll disappoint me later but then I’ll have the joy of destroying something beautiful later)

- Kyo wanting to fight Yuki and his rat friends... 😂BOYYY, IF YOU DON’T-

- ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laughing. You were in the middle of a SERIOUS argument’ God, I love the sarcastic inflection there (english dub), but it’s not too pronounced because Tohru is still Tohru. Soooo gooooood

- I’m pretty intrigued by the constant ‘yin and yang’ nature of Kyo and Yuki’s relationship. I know a lot of it falls on their positions in the zodiac and the ‘cat and rat’ nature of their beings. But they tend to kind of point in the same direction most of the time and work in a very interesting synchronisation with each other even when they don’t want to. I don’t have much to really say about it besides that, so I’ll wait for further episodes when it’ll hopefully go deeper.

I don’t know what it is about this scene but I am so drawn to Hatori in this.

Is it the glasses?

Is it the fact that he’s wearing casual smart wear? (I almost gave outfit appreciation to him but I felt the need to join in a roasting session instead - wait for it)

Is it the fact that he’s sitting so elegantly with his crossed legs?

Or is it the fact that he simply called Shigure’s book ‘revolting’?...

It could be all four points. <3

- Oh jeez Aya really is exhausting. When I was 16, Aya was my favourite and I loved him but now ten years later, I’m just a bit... exhausted lol I still love him though

I was considering not doing an outfit appreciation but shoutout to Kyo and that Adidas sponsorship. We’re all so proud of you for getting this opportunity and we hope that you’re getting paid well, my dude. Slaying it in that black and white, Haru is shaking... (I’m sorry I just wanted to join in, this is the best joke in the tag right now - you guys are too much 😂) 2 out of 5 stars because he basic but I also want that hoodie too.

- I wonder why Aya gave the photo of Kana at her wedding to Hatori? Did he want him to go after Kana? Or was he using it as a motive for him to find closure with Kana?

- I do find a bit unfair for Aya to blame Kana for Hatori’s hurt... Was it even Kana’s choice to get her memories erased? Or did Hatori just want to end her suffering the way he felt was best? But either way, I do understand that it’s in Aya’s very passionate nature to blame Kana (even if it isn’t totally right). It’s only natural to his character and his loyalty to Hatori

- OH GOD. Right. I’m blind. I just noticed there was a parallel going on between Hatori/Shigure/Ayame and Tohru/Kyo/Yuki. In each of the groups, there are two friends trying to push aside their own feelings (Kyo and Yuki) or wild personalities (Shigure and Ayame) to try and make that one ‘friend who holds the group together’ feel better.

- But also... Hatori’s comment on wanting to protect the younger kids from the same fate... made me feel like the episode was hinting that this love that Tohru has for both of the boys has the potential to break her heart as badly as Hatori’s has been hurt. And I just felt a slight pang in my chest... ok.

- Lol that hint at a future relationship... not obvy at all, anime. Not obvy at all... 😏

This was a fun, refreshing, breather of an episode. Fully encapsulated what it’s like to be near a lake as a vacation spot, now that I think about it. Don’t remember next episode either. And I’m ecstatic! But I also really wanna write that ‘Shigure in 2001 version vs Shigure in manga/2019 anime’ essay and really put all my Shigure feelings to bed but I’m gonna have to rewatch the 2001 version and I don’t wanna do it yet cos I’ll end up remembering stuff! (Also I guess it won’t be accurate until this current season is over - assuming this anime hits all the same beats and episodes as the 2001 version) So I guess I might just keep it in my back pocket for a while. See you next week!

WAIT... WHAT ABOUT THE BEAR?!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket 2019

27 notes · View notes

grumpydevilfellow · 3 years

Text

MAJOR Higurashi Spoilers/Minor Boku No Hero Spoilers

Tw: Child Abuse

OK so like with Teppei he's a piece of shit. I'm not glossing over that. He's done a lot of abusive disgusting things to pretty much anyone within a 5 ft radius of him and has been justifiably beaten to death because of his shitty actions multiple times. Really wanna push how this guy got his ass beat to death multiple times and I enjoyed it every time. Hell Satoko is my favorite Higurashi character and always has been since the OG anime so this guy was obviously my most hated in the show with his trashy girlfriend being a close second.

So like when Gou introduced Teppei as a result of Satoko looping makes him remember the timelines he either dies alone due to body failure or is straight violently killed in form of traumatizing nightmares I was like haha that's what you get bitch maybe consider not being so awful for change. I had NO clue though Teppei would choose to do just that though as result of living and dying several shitty lives.

And you know what? I'm cool with that. I've gotten to see this guy get his shit wrecked over and over, he did the crime and did the time. So if he wants to change for the better? Let him. I don't mean instantly all is forgiven no. And straight no at that. What people don't seem to understand about redemption arcs is forgiveness isn't always the goal. Teppei will most likely never be forgiven by Satoko and that's justified and fine. He hasn't done enough for that to happen and probably never will. That's fine. But if he wants to just improve himself as a person and stop bothering everyone then why get mad at that? That's a good thing. Everyone has the potential to change for the better just like everyone has the potential to change for the worse.

Like at the end of the day people just want the abuser to stay the abuser and I can understand that, but sooner or later you gotta let go of that hate and realize if the cyle of abuse can stop then it should stop and if the abuser wants to stop being an abuser? Let them.

Plus this is Higurashi we're talking about they're not gonna make Teppei some modeled citizen if they even plan on keeping him in future episodes. At best he'd probably just clean up his act and be more tolerable to others maybe even find a woman to treat right for once in his life. I'd consider that a happy accident of the loops and a pretty valid redemption arc as in he's not really redeemed but he's a better person now and not being the worst piece of shit imaginable 24/7. Which I would GREATLY prefer vs literally any other previous version of Teppei.

That being said the way this POSSIBLE redemption arc was setup was good and trust me I'm stickler for redemption arcs as in if they're not up to my standards I straight hate them. Todoroki's mom for example being instantly forgiven by kid Todoroki? I ain't for that shit. Boku no hero fans will hard defend this abuse because boohoo poor female character was abused by her husband, but uh? Me? Pass...

Teppei gets some leeway because he got violently killed several times and decided to be better. Todoroki mom tho....She did too much to that kid and as someone who has PERSONALLY experienced what she put Todoroki through I just ugh. Idk how it was handled in the manga idk this issue was resolved better and she actually gets a good redemption arc but just going off from what I saw in the anime, it was pretty abuse apologist. Like higurashi fans are already starting shit in the notes that the series is trying to do this with Teppei despite that not really being what happened. (it was more like oh this is an interesting way to explain how loops work) Boku No hero just straight makes Todoroki forgive his mom instantly and show no resentment to her whatsoever. This was like a 5 year old child who this grown ass woman poured boiling hot water on because she couldn't stand the way he looks.

I can tell you from personal fucking experience that uh being hated while you're a child because you're associated with an abusive person? That shit hurts. That cuts you deep. That shit leaves you traumatized. And for it to be his own mom??? Bruh. This should've been written ENTIRELY different. I could do paragraph after paragraph about why this shit is bad. But like I mean just from this alone you already know. Boku No Hero did an abuse apologist story and it sucked ass. End of story.

So like when I say this Teppei becoming a decent person isn't abuse apologist as someone who was abused and has witness abuse apologism in media. This is what I mean.

#spoilers #anime spoilers #tw: child abuse #fellow bellows #long post #rant

0 notes

flyswhumpcenter · 4 years

Text

Nurse Café - Chapter 3/6: “Brain in a Daze, Stars in Your Eyes“

PREVIOUS CHAPTER / NEXT CHAPTER

Fic Summary: Life could have honesty been simpler than that for Hokuto, a second-year Liteature major. There’s, however, someone out there willing to just make it easier on him.

Fandom: Ensemble Stars! (College/Coffeeshop AU) Ships: HokuAn (Anzu/Hokuto)

AO3 version available here.

-------------------------------------

Chapter Summary: In a haze, Hokuto realizes a few things and makes a few conclusions based on said things.

Chapter Wordcount: 1.5K words

Chapter Notes: Yes, this contains that good shit we're all here for: pinning Hokke. Kind out of nowhere too, but hey, I really wanted to write about that for some reason lol. I'll blame it on the absolute goodness that is "sir, you're buying too many flowers". That'll do, yeah. This fic was meant to end with chapter 3 and, while I do have the final chapter already in the works, I decided to add shippier chunks like this one and the next chapter. I guess Enstars came back for my inspiration, haha. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this unplanned chapter of Nurse Café, and come around for more! I promise I know where I'm going with this, lol.

---------

A vague memory reached in his brain in a moment of half-consciousness. A vague, hazy memory of childhood times, of a past illness. His parents’ muffled voices, his grandmother’s smile warming back his heart left shivering. A day spent in bed, because getting up was impossible and he just felt too dizzy as soon as he tried looking up. Dad was there a lot more than usual, so was Mom, and it was weird and odd: he wasn’t used to having them near his bed so much, their hands cold against his skin, their words here to soothe him. For once, he hadn’t felt alone. The vague memory was sweet, despite its bitter undertones.

A tear was falling down Hokuto’s cheek when he eventually woke up from the daze.

Growing back to consciousness was like reaching the surface and emerging out of the water after a long, comatose dive into a warm pool. It wasn’t exactly the worst feeling in the world, even if his head felt hot and stuffed, heavy on his neck. Even then, he still felt slightly less terrible than before, as he could actually sit up, yawning. Not the most gracious way to go about with it, but that’d have to do: he could honestly not stir more energy inside of him to be less disgraceful than that.

The place was still less than familiar, but now, he could at least put a name on it: Anzu’s flat, in the college dorms. Quickly glancing around, almost getting himself dizzy from the sudden move, she was nowhere to be found: most likely gone to attend class, like a model student. Like he should have been doing, in fact, if he wasn’t stuck there with an unfinished presentation waiting for him in his flat and… wait. Those weren’t his clothes.

Confused yet again, he started looking around even more for answers. The curtains of the window were closed, but sunlight still sipped through them: it was daytime. On the bedside table right next to him, the precise answer figured on her alarm clock: it was already past eleven in the morning. The class he had the presentation in? Eight o’clock. Not only had he not completed his slideshow for it, he had actually somehow missed the entire thing altogether.

He glanced at his clothing. Those were cute pyjamas, sure, but they clearly didn’t belong to him. Not to mention, considering how they stuck to his skin, he’d have to wash them and give them to whomever they belonged to: Isara, he presumed, considering Anzu had been with him when he had almost woken up enough to go back home.

Go back home. That was what he needed to do.

Too bad his legs didn’t agree and let him fall pitifully on the floor after a long moment spent contemplating his own predicament.

Still, he rose back to his feet thanks to a chair that happened to be nearby and sat down on the bed, blinking away black spots. Okay, bad idea, he got it: there was no way he’d be able to drag himself out of this without the threat of passing out in the middle of the campus. He was also just realizing he didn’t have his phone on him: he had, in fact, left it before getting his cup of coffee on the day before. Talk about a terrible decision. Well, not that the migraine he was currently afflicted with was going to make it any easy to actually read something on said phone’s screen.

Maybe he should go take a shower… but he needed to ask for Anzu’s permission before doing so, didn’t he? He was already sleeping in her bed, that was more than enough amenities of hers he was using more or less against his will. Ah, that was inconvenient… At least, there was one relief to be found: there was still a glass, a bottle of water and some pills on the bedside table, left there, catching his stinging eye.

This was the one thing he could do, now. Even then, his limbs were still heavily lethargic, so he was slow and clumsy with his hands. Downing a couple pills was absurdly difficult for him, despite how simplistic the gesture seemed in his mind. He was pathetic, this much was clear, but falling back on the bed after just drinking a glass of water was absolutely pitiful for someone his age and constitution. He may have just woken up and tried doing something with his day, and yet, all he wanted to do was going back to sleep…

Still, he should get moving… He felt uneasy staying here for much longer, as close as he was to giving up and falling back asleep. The bitter aftertaste lingering in his mouth made him miss konpeito and, at this point, he’d rather have passed out than having to bear tears coming to his eyes. Why was he feeling so lonely, all of a sudden? He had been alone for so long, he didn’t need to cry like a child over being left on his own for legitimate reasons and—

“Ah, good morning, Hokuto! Are you feeling any better?”

His throat immediately went dry, knotting. He wiped his eyes as quickly as possible and went back to sitting somewhat properly.

“G-good morning, Anzu,” barely managed to make it out of his throat.

He observed her, vaguely following along, when the world was spinning all around her smiling self as she went to pick some things from another room (the bathroom, he assumed. He had never been to her place before this whole fiasco happened, it was difficult to tell which room was which or even how many rooms there were). Her presence made his mind feel better, soothing the sudden affliction he got hit with merely minutes before.

Time’s course was also severely disturbed and hindered by the heat in his head, so he couldn’t truly give an estimate of how little time she had spent in another room before coming back, sitting on the chair while humming a familiar song. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have assumed she found this stuff fun. That made no sense, though, considering he was noting but disgusting at the moment, so he brushed it off as his fever messing up with him.

Which, in itself, was a convenient thought to have right as she took it again, putting a hand under his bangs. Her palm was cold, like Grandma’s had been all those years ago; and, just like Grandma, Anzu didn’t seem bothered in the slightest by how soaked they were. Just realizing this made him want to bawl in his grandmother’s arms again, but he needed to keep at least a tiny bit of his dignity and, as such, opted to swallow his pride instead.

“Thirty-nine point one…” Anzu whispered to herself as she stared at the thermometer. “You’re far less warm than yesterday, but it’s still not good either. At least, your fever’s broken, that’s a relief already.”

He missed her hand as soon as it was gone from his forehead, yet didn’t feel like adding anything to the conversation: he had, honestly, very little energy to begin with and didn’t feel like wasting her time listening to some feverish rambling about whatever his brain was still in a decent condition to emit.

“You should stay here for another day, don’t you think? Maybe just this evening, if you get better during the day. You still look really tired.”

It was odd to let her do all the talking, considering how quiet she usually was, but this he didn’t mind: in fact, her voice was the one sound that didn’t grate against his pounding head, not unlike a cushion whenever everything else was there to worsen it. To be fair, she was purposely keeping it low; or so she seemed, to him, at least.

“Mao had the idea yesterday, but we still wanted to ask you. Can I go to your place and get some of your stuff? I’m sure you’d like to have your own clothes around!”

“Sure…”

Anzu went back to her feet, grabbing something lying on a nearby table. Most likely his flat key, but his unfocused eyes couldn’t really tell from this distance. At least, the world had stopped spinning all around him, it was enough of a satisfaction for now.

“Ah, before I leave you for a couple minutes,” she turned back to him, still smiling, “do yourself a home. I’ll be at work this afternoon, but I should be back by six. See you later, Hokuto.”

“I…” In the end, his resolve to leave had crumbled away again. “See you later…”

As the door closed behind her, he was left dumbfounded. The balm on his heart had started to go cold once again, leaving him melancholic and teary-eyed. He knew about how moody he could get whenever he was tired or sick, but being both at the same time was making nothing easier, and he decided he’d finally give this shower a shot.

It was that or falling back into bed and contemplating his own boggling, confused feelings anyway; and he wasn’t ready just yet to admit to have fallen for someone this way.

#enstars #hokuan #hidaka hokuto #anzu (enstars)#sickfic #hurt comfort #au: coffeeshop #au: college #overwork #fever #otp: konpeito chou cream #fic: nurse cafe

0 notes

hagarenmovie · 7 years

Text

AX 2017: Fullmetal Alchemist Live Action Panel Transcription

The Fullmetal Alchemist World Whirlwind Tour!! First stop Los Angeles!

| Transcription of a major part of the panel that took place on July 3rd, at Anime Expo 2017 in Los Angeles. Although the panel was listed as 11am to 12pm, it only actually lasted about 35 minutes since it started late and then ended a bit early in order to clear the room. Still, a lot happened in that short time! Here’s the complete transcription! Very Long Post!! |

- NOTE: the MC is Ken Ayugai from Tokyo. Mikey’s the interpreter. I cut their self introductions and their final remarks which let the audience know that the next stop on the live action promo tour was Paris.

- ALSO we weren’t allowed to film or take pictures till after the footage was shown and they were real strict about it, but I’m sure the live action team will release pictures and some footage after their world tour ends in Japan on July 12th, so we just gotta wait like a week.

Also check out: Description of scenes in the footage

MC: So first of all, I'm sure most of you are aware of this but I'm gonna run you through the history of Fullmetal, really quick.

Mikey: Just a little bit, so you guys, you know there might be some people who don't know Fullmetal Alchemist up here.

MC: So first of all, Fullmetal Alchemist is a popular japanese manga, which I'm sure you know, and it's written by Hiromu Arakawa and published in the monthly magazine Shonen GanGan from 2001 to 2010. And this series has sold over 70 million copies worldwide and there's been like a tv series in 2003 and 2009, the animated series. And the movie was in 2005 and 2011. And [when the] author gave birth to her children, she continued writing hoping that her kids would read it one day.

Mikey: Exactly, she wanted her kids to read this one day, so that's a really touching story, right?

MC: Yeah. And since the first anime in Japan was produced in January 1917, that's just like 100 years ago.

Mikey: Wow, the 100th birthday of anime! Wow.

MC: Yeah, in japan.

Mikey: I think that deserves an applause, right guys? 100 years. So i think, you know, so i think it's only appropriate that on the hundredth birthday of anime Fullmetal Alchemist gets a live action adaptation, right? Yeah?

*audience cheeeers*

MC: Ok so they [FA movie team] got a lot of offers from around the world and so the FA team has come to anime expo!

*audience cheers*

MC: Ok that's about it haha for the history.

Mikey: Alright.

MC: Alright, so what do you say, do we want to welcome up or - oh no, first we're gonna do the footage, right? Ok so let's take a look at the trailer first of all!

*audience cheers*

{the latest trailer released on april 6th is shown to the audience}

MC: And now let's welcome our special guests!

*audience goes wild*

MC: Let's give a round of applause. from the live action cast Ryosuke Yamada

*fangirls lose their shit as he walks on stage*

MC: And director Fumihiko Sori!

*Director Sori comes on stage as the screaming continues*

MC: A big round of applause for our guests please!

*audience calms down*

MC: [to Yamada] Alright so first of all, would you like to say hello to the crowd?

Yamada: *testing the mic* hah, hah. [He introduced himself in English] Hello everyone, I'm Ryosuke Yamada playing Edo! thank you for coming today. Please enjoy!

*cheers*

MC: thank you. and Mr. Sori.

Sori: [in English] My name is Fumihiko Sori and this movie's director and please enjoy.

MC: Alright! So, welcome to anime expo

Sori: hai, thank you

MC: please be seated. So we're gonna ask you a few questions, first of all welcome to LA and how's it been so far?

Yamada: *tries to talk into the mic but it doesn't work and makes derp faces*

*audience chuckles as MC gives his own mic to Yamada*

Yamada: [Mikey's Translation = MT] Well, it is really warm and everyone's really nice to me so I'm really enjoying my time here.

Sori: [MT] I love LA! I've been--I lived here about 20 years ago i wanna say.

MC: So is it any different from 20 years ago?

Sori: [MT] I don't think it changed that much in 20 years

MC: Ok, so still the same good ol LA?

Sori: [in English] It's great, yeah. I love LA!

MC: So, looking at this huge crowd for you, how do you feel right now? 'Cause for Anime Expo it's the first time to actually have a live cast come on stage, I guess

Yamada: [MT] I mean, I'm really happy and proud to be Japanese right now, to see the crowd you know. this room is full of fans who love and share japanese anime and content so I'm really happy

MC: ok. and Mr. Sori can you tell us what led you to create this live action version of this manga that has so many fans?

Sori: [MT] So as you guys know, a lot of american comics have been adapted in live action formats, and you know and it's really really cool as i see it, watching from where i am. and you know, we have a lot of good content, a lot of good properties and stories in Japan, but we haven't really had the chance to do a live action adaptation at the level and quality i really wanted to, but i feel like finally we're at a point where it's ready.

MC: [to Yamada] So how did you actually feel when you got offered this role?

Yamada: [MT] So you know, i'm not really tall per se and when i got this offer i was like, 'maybe it is kinda cool being chibi sometimes'

MC: Ok, during [playing] Ed there must have been so many challenges

Yamada: so i mean, of course the performance itself is one thing, acting as Ed, but i think the hardest part was Alphonse, you know he's done in full CG so all my acting i have to do kind of not looking at anything really so all the acting really came down to my relationship with Alphonse there.

MC: Ok so, we would like to just... go on to the footage maybe?

Mikey: You guys wanna see some footage?

MC: Ok, and as mentioned before, no cameras please. No phones or otherwise we have to stop, ok. Let's ask Mr. Yamada to cue [the footage].

Yamada: nihongo de shitsurei shimasu. Kore dewa goran kudasai, dozo. [translation: I'm sorry for the Japanese. Now, here you go, please watch.]

MC: Let's take a look at the footage!

*footage rolls. it's like 6 solid minutes and the audience goes through a rollercoaster ride of emotions*

MC: Alright! [to Yamada, translation:] What did you think of that reaction?

Yamada: I was really happy to hear you guys' reactions throughout that. We were listening back there.

MC: so first of all, i understand that filming started in Italy in June 2016 so why did you choose Italy actually.

Sori: So of course the first work was set in a sort of European city and there wasn't really a specific country but after going through Europe we found that Italy had a lot of really good backgrounds and scenery that we liked for the movie.

MC: Ok, so Mr. Yamada, what was it like, you're actually acting a role which is not quite Japanese...

Yamada: [MT] So the original work of course is written by a Japanese mangaka so i really didn't have too much resistance trying to interpret and understand what kind of character we were doing but there was of course fear in the back of my mind as I was acting so i mean, i hope you guys all saw that footage and didn't really feel anything weird, did you?

*audience cheers, many yell out 'Nooo, you're perfect!!'*

Yamada: [in english] Thank you!

MC: And I have a question for Mr. Sori, what was it like actually, for you, working with Mr. Yamada?

Sori: [MT] Well he is a professional through and through and it made my job really easy to be honest, i didn't have to give him too much direction, he just got what i wanted how i wanted the character to be portrayed and a lot of the action he did himself -- all of the action he did himself, so that made us really really--

Sori: [in English] No stunt, no stunt!! (Director Sori said this while Mikey was interpreting)

Sori: [MT] No stuntman here!

MC: that's amazing!

Yamada: arigatou gozaimasu

MC: you got a big one in the face [during the footage, while Ed's running away from the transmuting walls that attack him like giant pillars, he ends up running into one face first]

Yamada: [MT] That was harder than it looked because i had to react to basically nothing right there

MC: so how does it feel like, what do you think about it [the footage]? Actually when you looked at it, that footage.

Yamada: [MT] So when i was acting and portraying the character, i had an idea of what it was going to look like, but seeing it kind of put together with all the edits --it blew my mind and it was way beyond my expectations, i really have to thank the director and all of his awesome skills so thank you very much director.

MC: And throughout the film.. actually when you were filming the film, your brother isn't actually here but did you feel him here or what was that like?

Yamada: So while I didn't actually get to see Alphonse in front of me the actor portraying him was next to me acting on his behalf, so as we progressed through production, more and more i started to see him as Alphonse

*audience awws*

MC: And Mr. Sori, you've been using a lot of digital technology in this film. Could you tell us about that please?

Sori: [MT] So I mentioned that I lived in Los Angeles about 20 years ago, i think you guys remember that right? So i was working at a company called Digital Domain and i was actually an animator, a VFX animator there, and i worked on a little movie called Titanic which you might have heard of. And I learned a lot about VFX there so i took a lot of that skill, so my specialty actually lies in the VFX field so i came back to Japan and slowly kind of grew into the role of director and i always thought 'man i wanna take a Japanese IP or Japanese content and turn it into a very VFX heavy production and i think finally i had the chance, and now here we are back in LA 20 years later showing you guys this clip so i'm really really happy and proud to be here.

Mikey: And one more thing! (Director Sori wanted to add to his previous statement)

Sori: [MT] but that does not mean this is a VFX only movie and i think you guys, the fans, know that more than anyone, that this is a very story driven, emotional journey. [Sori in English] Yeah, everybody knows, yeah.

MC: One more question, so when you first met for this film, Mr. Yamada and Mr. Sori, what was the first thing you kind of agreed to focus on in creating this film?

Yamada: [MT] So I was always a huge fan of Fullmetal Alchemist and when I was offered this role i mean, of course i was really really happy and pleased, and at the same time when we went to Italy and production started, when we were on set and we kind of talked and met each other, i think there wasn't really any doubt in the direction we were gonna take the character and the production. i think it was really a very seamless transition from when we first took it from pre-production to production.

MC: [translation:] And Director, what about you?

Sori: [MT] I think it was the best combination ever, even looking back now, looking at all the actors and the talent in the world, i don't think anyone could have portrayed Ed as well as he has so i'm really really glad.

MC: Ok and now actually, we have a surprise for everyone. We have... the creator of Fullmetal Alchemist...

*audience starts going wild*

MC: ...We have a message from her and I'd like to read out the original actually, in Japanese so [to Mikey] can you help me out?

Mikey: We have a message from the creator and we're going to read it out to you guys right now.

MC: Ok. [he reads Arakawa-Sensei's message in Japanese]

Mikey: [Arakawa-sensei’s message interpreted:] So the manga I feel like is my child, I created it, and all these spinoffs and other iterations of it, the anime, the games, everything else that you take, it really feels kinda like my grandchildren, and here they are flying, leaving the nest, exploring, you know i'm really really proud to see them leave the nest like this. And I got to take a look at the footage as well. And it really felt like all these characters i created are there, present in our world. Ryosuke, the way you played Ed was so kakkoi. Everyone out there throughout the world, i hope you take really good care of my grandchild when he goes to see you!

MC: That was a message from Hiromu Arakawa. Ok and now we'd like to give it up to you guys and go into the q&a maybe. You guys have any questions? So if you have a question please raise your hand, okay. You look really ready (some guy in the first few rows was standing with his hand raised)

Mikey: Are we doing the mic? Are we having them line up or are we gonna run it? Ok, we're gonna line up so please if you have a question line up over here...

*a ton of people scramble to get to the mic, myself included*

Mikey: Ok, I don't know if we have that much time guys. Moderators help us out.

MC: Oh and about the cameras... We were worried about the footage, so yeah you can take photos if you guys want to

*audience goes crazy*

Mikey: Let's get started without further ado

Fan 1: [i know a lot of people here] ...have mixed feelings about this, but maybe 8-10 years down the line, what do you guys think [about an American movie remake]?

|I missed the complete answer to this one, but the Director was for it|

Fan 2: How did you come to the conclusion of like where in the manga or anime to finish the movie?

Sori: [MT] So in my mind I kind of consider this a part one and we have a really good book end to kind of bring closure to the movie as a movie so it can stand alone. But at the same time, if you guys like it and continue to support it, i don't see why there can't be a part two and hopefully beyond.

Mikey: Thank you very much.

Fan 3: Ok i have a question to Ed. Will there be a lot of like in the anime, like a lot of when you're fighting with Alphonse, there's a lot of jumping around. Do you think you can do that? Or is it not possible?

Yamada: [MT] All I can tell you right now is please look forward to the action, there will be a lot of action, not only when i fight against Al, but with him alongside me so I can only tell you to stay tuned and look forward to it.

Fan 3: Alright, that's cool man! Thank you.

MC: Thank you.

Yamada: [in English] Thank you.

Fan 4: Hi Yamada, hi director. I have a question. So my question is what was the weirdest thing or thing that stood out to you while filming in Italy or during your time here, in LA?

Yamada: [MT] So this is my first time appearing overseas in front of fans of the movie or of the anime so really your reaction as you saw the footage was kind of a really big pleasant surprise for me. It really made me feel like it was worthwhile playing the part, you know, it was just a pleasure to hear you guys. A lot of times in Japan, people are most embarrassed and shy so they don't openly express that kind of emotion and you know it's just really awesome hearing you guys see that first.

MC: We're kind of running out of time so we’re gonna have maybe two more questions. We’re very sorry.

Mikey: I'm very sorry guys, two more questions. Yes we're running out of time, unfortunately.

Fan 4: Ok, so one) I made it. Yes, I'll ask my question real quick. Two) Thank you for the trailer, it was great. Saw a lot of characters that we all know and love, but there was two people I did not see in the trailer. I was wondering if Scar and Armstrong are gonna be in the movie, 'cause I didn't see them.

Sori: [MT] So I say look forward to seeing them in the movie, but also look forward to part 2.

MC: So this will be the last question, I'm sorry.

Fan 5: Hi, Yamada-kun, hi director. I want to ask a question to Yamada-kun. Before the shooting, did you prepare or practice anything for shaping the character of Edo?

[For the answer to this question, Yamada ran like Ed to show how Ed's running is different from his own and the audience cheered]

Yamada: [MT] So i think you guys remember the scene where I was running in the beginning, right? So a lot of times when Ed runs, he has a very unique way of running (Mikey not translating anymore:) I'm not gonna do it for you guys (back to translating) It's leaning back and running. And normally when I run, I would run leaning forward like a normal person so I think having the manga on the set and at the production was a large part, and we would always use it as kind of our guidance so we had all the scenes, you know, and obviously getting into costume having it there really really helps. So we wanted to stay true to the manga and that was I guess my technique to building the character.

Fan 5: arigatou gozaimasu

| Closing remarks |

Yamada: [MT] I'm very very happy and honored to be able to have a project like Fullmetal Alchemist that is so loved around the world being produced into a live action adaptation in Japan. So i hope that everyone around the world will be able to see this so thank you very much and yoroshiku.

Sori: [in English] I'm so happy now so please enjoy this movie!

(MC and Mikey end the panel.)

#fanreport #FMA Live Action #yamada ryosuke #sori fumihiko #AX 2017 #anime expo 2017 #interviews

135 notes · View notes