#it only lasts for 3 days but is irreversible till then

[descendantofthesparrow]

Idea;

Mal, running in; I FUCKED UP! Uma; that's normal, but how did you fuck up? *Harry walks in, then another Harry behind him, and then another Harry behind him* Uma; oh-that kinda fuck up

[kawrowru]

character : xiao / genshin impact

summary : xiao yearns for the touch of the ones he lost.

words : 1445

tags ; angst(sorta?) , yearning, fluff (near the end) , sleeping together:3

notes : hii it’s my first fic!! i’m open to requests so go ahead and ask ahead :D

together we suffer

long ago amongst the lands of liyue lived humans and adepti in peace before the waging archon war went about. everyone including gods and illuminated beasts fought to protect their beloved lands known as the guili plains.

they fought restlessly, day and night, ever so passionately. amongst them all was a group of adepti who called themselves the yakshas, tasked by Morax the god of geo, to fight along him in the war. but there was another, a solo adepti who kept to themselves.

the five adepti each representing an element fought and fought till their karmic debt ebbed away at their souls and sanity. madness and despair had overwhelmed the yakshas. the unknown yakshas battled with their own mind until it was too much

some gave into the insanity and some went against each other. or some just disappeared without a word. the sixth fought alone, leaning on no one before they supposedly succumbed to the weight of their own karmic debt.

all but one disappeared and his name was alatus now under the alternate name xiao. he believed he was the last known survivor of the group, that his miracle was the only reason he was alive now, or so he thought. now xiao resides in wangshu inn still under the contract he signed with morax two thousand years ago.

he alone carried the loss of his comprades, shouldering the burden of protecting liyue as the conqueror of demons. he never escaped the screams of his friends losing themselves to the very thing he dealt with everyday. their pained screams etched themselves into his brain, never leaving his head.

returning to wangshu inn after his failed attempt to rid himself of the world, xiao felt a wave of longing. to see his fallen friends once again even if it was just for a minute. he had lost everyone he loved. bosacius, indarias, bonanus, menogias and... alastairus..

although alastairus kept to themselves they always made an attempt to warm up to xiao and little did he know he let their past presence find its way into his heart. he cherished their time togther, the quiet moments where'd alastairus would read him till he succumbed to slumber, the loud moments where he'd allow you to do as you please while you were drunk off of wine often ending with you on the floor and him laying on a rock.

standing at the edge of the rail he looked afar at the scenery. this was what he fought to protect. this was the outcome of his and everyone else’s will to protect the land

how he wished they could see what they fought for. how he wanted to be surrounded by their boisterous laughs and stupid jokes, or even their calm voice but time was a irreversible

just then he felt a familiar presence but he couldn’t put a name to who it was until they spoke.

“alatus..?” the voice spoke.

xiao never thought he’d hear that name again yet here he was back turned from the voice. he slowly turned around and descended from the rail. feeling a sense of familiarity rush into him.

the figure was none other than alastairus, the very adeptus he thought disappeared into the archon war. not only were they here but not in good shape, covered in cuts and bruises, xiao silently gasps, going unnoticed. no amount of words could make up for the words he wanted to say. he had so much to say but he didn’t know if he had the time.

“alastairus?” the words fell from xiao’s lips, hesitation laced his words as his eyes furrowed. his hands shot up to his eyes rubbing them in case they were an illusion, a sick joke by his karmic debt but when he opened his eyes you were there, position unchanged.

slowly he walked towards you, circling around you and reaching to touch your hand. tightening your grasp when he envelopes your hand he gapes. moving back to face the front of you , he smiles , barely noticeable if you weren’t studying his face.

“i’m back” you muttered, tears slowly started to form in your eyes, familiarizing yourself his face. reaching to cup his face he leans into your touch. xiao yearned to feel your touch every night. praying you'd come back to him, so you could read him to sleep.

he hoped that time could stop and as if you were reading his mind , it did. alastairus the adepti of time stopped everything for xiao. amidst the overwhelming emotions xiao faced he unconsciously wrapped his arms around you.

pulling you into him and hugging hard. your wince by accident, bringing him out his mind. xiao looks up at you and notices your pained expression and immediately lets go. “what’s wrong? did i hurt you?” he questions, unaware of the gashes and bruises you hid behind your clothing.

“xiao i’m hurt” you reply lifting up your shirt to reveal the wounds you hid. “when i was about to lose myself to my karmic debt i used the last bits of my power to stop time around my body, and in turn it slowed my healing abilities down.” you continued, moving to press his hand against your bruises.

“i’ve lived with these for a while slowly regaining my energy but never using it on me.” alastairus end their sentence with a face of sorrow. xiao listened quietly before coming to a conclusion.

“come on, let’s lay you on my bed. i can pass adeptal energy to you so you can heal.” “are you sure? healing me would mean you’ll get weaker.” you protest “i lost you once, i’m not gonna lose you again.”

xiaos words sealed the deal and you didn’t resist him ushering you inside to his bed. the walk was short but it felt like eternity, and then it hit you, time was stopped by your powers which is why everything felt slow.

alastairus then resumed time, everything going back to normal and xiao even noticed the sudden change, but ignored it. right now you were his top priority.

☆┆

when xiao laid you on his bed, the smell of him filled your senses. you longed to smell his scent while you were comatose. xiao left your side to fetch a chair but you abruptly held his arm.

“don’t go” you pleaded, you never wanted him to leave your sight again and xiao felt the same. he thought that if he’d left you wouldn’t be there anymore. a figment of his imagination.

“okay i won’t leave” he vowed to alastairus before you sat at the edge of the bed. turning to face you his hold on your hand tightened. “this is going to be a long process so please bare with me.” xiao knew this process was going to be painful, not only did it drain him it also put a toll on the other person receiving the adeptal energy.

he hoped this wouldn’t hurt you as much as it did him. beginning the process xiao intertwined his fingers with yours, channeling his energy to his palm and into yours. whilst he looked for energy he thought about everything you had missed while you were gone.

you, alastairus, missed the building of liyue, missed rex lapis’s “death”, missed the birth of a new era. oh how elated you would’ve been of you witnessed everything. but you’re back now and xiao will make sure to debrief you up to date.

broken from his thoughts at the sound of you whimpering in pain, biting your lips to stop the sound from leaving your throat. clawing at his bed with your other hand you fought the pain and xiao could do nothing but watch you.

☆┆

near the end of the process tears had started to fall from your eyes, the pain nearing its peak. it felt like you were corrupted by your karmic debt. xiao noticed the tears and with his other hand he wiped them away. that pained expression on your face was something he never wanted to see again.

as the final bits of adeptal energy had been transferred xiao hunched over. the toll of extracting energy finally getting to him. you noticed and tugged his hand to lay beside you. “come along xiao, you need to rest.” he tried to resist but he couldn’t fight slumber.

turning to face him as he laid flat you caressed his face with your hand. with his remaining energy xiao turned to face snd hold you before he succumbed to the night. the last words he heard were: “we’ll heal each other..” before his eyes closed for the night.

he’ll catch up with you in the morning.

[hiscleric]

happy #BylerWeek2022 day 3!! i said i wasn’t going to post anything because of the oneshot im working on, but i took an hour or so to whip up this little drabble really quick!!

byler week day 3 prompt: death

tw // death, mentions of unusual eating habits 

Death was a funny thing. This Will Byers had come to know. 

Some would say the worse way to die would be a sharp stab, lodged tight in the little sliver between your ribs, blade pressing deep, so close yet so far from your heart; a heavy blow, maybe, on the back of the neck or to the side of the head; some say fire, standing helpless as open flame eats at your flesh till it meets singed bone, nowhere to run, your only out being the irreversible letting go. 

Sure, these were all bad. Horrible, even. But to Will? 

The worst way to die was slow. 

Watching the world move forward while your body moves backward was nearly indescribable. Time passed, yeah, but days turned into months at rapid speed after you become aware of the countdown – families begin to grow and shrink as one loss becomes ten gains, seasons change quicker than you remembered from before, your garden flowers bud and bloom as your nodes begin to fail.

The world doesn’t stop for anyone – even the dying. 

The first sign, honestly, was the dwindled appetite. Since returning, he could only stomach so much, could only handle the smallest of portions with as little grace as possible; a week amongst the rot, scavenging for spoiled cans and out of date cereal boxes just to keep his eyes open, left a funny taste in his mouth. Each bite rested on his tongue like lead. Every swallow went down like glass, tainted with a flavor only he could describe. 

The second sign was fatigue. The nausea rose within him each morning, never to fall till late at night, each step heavy with a weight he had never seemed to shake. This came in waves, of course, as most things do, but he’d rather call them tsunamis, filling his lungs and clogging his veins till he couldn’t breathe. Everything was amplified now. Always ten times worse than it could be from the start. 

The third sign? The nail in his own inevitable coffin?

The melancholy. 

When he found himself struggling to see the light in even the brightest times, that is when he knew. Will knew the first time a paint stroke felt like a chore that he was dying. Will knew the first groan at the idea of a new campaign that he was dying. 

Will knew that when he, the one he had loved for so much of his now short life, couldn’t muster even a smile from him that he was dying. He was already gone, though. His body just hadn’t followed yet. 

The day came in the least likely way he had expected. He wasn’t sure how to predict the event of your own death, but here, in the Upside Down with Mike Wheeler trailing not far behind, was not what he had expected. 

Had the air always been this hard to breathe? He glanced back toward Mike, cloudy eyes zeroing in on the rise and fall of his chest; labored, sure, each inhale as strenuous as the next exhale, but he wasn’t heaving. 

“Will?”

He moved forward. Each step had Will resting a clammy palm upon the corroded trees, every breath ripping through him like it was going to be his last. Maybe it would be. With the way his heart was thrumming in slow, strained beats, that likelihood only grew.  

“Will?” Again. His voice was muffled, maybe from the bandana wrapped over his nose to the back of his head, or maybe his hearing was finally going. “Will, are you okay?” 

“Yes,” Hoarse, each rub of his vocal cords like little knives scratching into the skin of his throat, “keep going. We have… only a little left to go…”

The Upside Down was stuck on that day. November 6th, 1983. It should still be there. 

The closer they got, the closer he came. From the corner of his eye, far past Mike trudging along in his peripheral, he saw him. Looming. Waiting with baited breath and grinning at each strained step, cloak dark and teeth sharp, cruel eyes glinting with the shine of his scythe. He tossed it between his hands, likely wondering which palm would have the honor of striking the final blow. 

God, Will had been waiting for him. Always glimpses, he was quite familiar with the figure; the first appearance being here, in this hellscape, hiding from a monster connected to so much more. When shivering on the bed of Castle Byers, Will swore he saw him, watched as he ran a bony finger across the slats between the logs like a prisoner waiting for release. Like something was holding him back. 

He had seen him that Halloween, too. In the hospital. Wandering the corridors, peering through the window of the door to his room to take in the sight of Will losing all sense of self – the figure had smiled, tapped three fingers against the glass, and vanished with the shine of Sam Owens’ light. 

And now, here he was, following close in their path with Castle Byers in sight. The structure was so close, yet as his steps grew slow and short, the distance appeared to multiply by ten. 

“Almost there…” Mike had said. A hand pressed into his lower back, an attempt to push him those last few steps forward. 

No. Mike was still a few steps behind; the hand belonged to someone else, the pressure growing until Will felt his legs give out beneath him–

The only thing heard beside the incessant ringing in his ears was Mike’s hurried breaths, tripping over himself and a couple roots to make his way over, his hands flailing with what Will presumed to be fear. A chill ran through him, likely the damp soil he was now resting upon; his eyes moved from Mike to instead glance up, the fog clearing to only reveal rotted trees and a blue and red sky. 

“Will… Will, stay with me…” 

He would if he could. If he could, he’d get back up and drag Mike himself into the still standing Castle Byers, sit him down and tell him everything he had been holding back for so long, but alas, incapability had won this round. He had won this round. Will wondered where he was hiding, whether it be behind a tree or right over Mike’s shoulder, but he could still feel him nonetheless. His presence was clear. 

Will had lost for the last time. But with the way Mike cradled his head, rested him so gently in his lap with the crinkle of his brows and tears pricking in eyes Will would remember far into the afterlife, he didn’t really feel like he had lost. 

“Will…” Mike’s voice was hoarse now. Rough, yet still soft in the way that made his failing heart attempt to pick up speed. “Will, no, no, no… it’s okay, right? You’re okay. You’ll be okay.”

“It’s okay, Mike.” Even in the face of death, even after the melancholy had drained him of any sense of the person he used to be, Mike still coaxed a smile out of him. He did this time, the tears falling down his face that Will still saw as beautiful even in the most macabre way, lips shaking as hands he had dreamed of holding cupped his face. “It’ll be okay.” 

If this, Mike’s hands and Mike’s tears and Mike’s words, was going to be the last thing to anchor him to the mortal plane, that wouldn’t be so bad. 

“I… I love–”

“It’s okay,” He mumbled again. Will met his eyes, gave him a look that said so much more than he could, a look that held the weight of the love Will had been carrying for him for so long. “It’s okay, Mike.”

It was okay.

Death was a funny thing. But dying, in Mike Wheeler’s arms, in the place that had both ruined his life and everything within it, in front of the still standing fort that had hidden him from so much yet protected him from so little, dying was different. 

Dying was okay. Everything with Mike Wheeler was okay. 

[agentmika]

MIKA!Cas - a Spotify playlist by Cherryredbomb 

There should’ve been an Agent Mika, but also if there had been an Agent Mika, I think I would’ve lost my mind. A Cas-inspired ALL MIKA playlist that loosely follows his character arc in the series. (x)

Shout-out to Tumblr user @autisticandroids ​ whose post about Good Wife - MIKA x the Cas watching Dean rake leaves scene sent me down this path. Their takes on Cas also feature into another song choice on this list

:3 

Disclaimer: While I’ve watched spn since 2014 and started watching live mid-s9, I only seen the show completely through once and went off of memory and my particularly enriched Tumblr enclosure to consider connections to Cas’s character arc. 

It’s all MIKA (some w/ features tho), but song names will be bolded, my thoughts and season or scene connections next to them, and on occasion, screencaps or lyrics added for emphasis. Parts with a * next to them are my personal favorites. 

Rain -> early seasons Cas. falling Cas. give this poor angel a break. 

Talk About You -> Cas being ANNOYING AS HELL to all other angels in the garrison because he has a crush on Dean. 

One Foot Boy* -> "I serve God, I don't serve Man, and I certainly don't serve you" Vibes + s8 lobotomies era + doubt still, always doubt still

Promiseland* (edit and addition brought to you by the genius of @hocuspocushogeschool) -> this song is SOOOOO Cas. It is the strong righteous soldier Cas 😤 again becoming disillusioned with heaven, god, and his purpose. It makes me think of s4-s6 Cas, but I think whatever part of Cas is represented in this song is something core to his character that lasts till the end. So get this:

Last Party* -> Endverse!Cas ESPECIALLY but also a little bit Cas in all apocalypse scenarios. "I'll go with you" on Dean's suicide mission vibes. “I’ll be there with you at the end”(paraphrased) Cas with Mark of Cain Dean vibes. "You weren't invited and don't want to stay, but keep partying anyway" -> CAS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. CRACK IN HIS CHASSIS. WRENCH IN THE WORKS. EVERY TIME.

No Place in Heaven -> Conversations with Anna and Dean about his doubt. The fight with Uriel in 4x16. 6x20 bench monologuing. That scene where he looks up like >:[ I believed in you! Generally early seasons Cas before Chuck is revealed in all his shittiness.

I See You -> Still Beautiful Still Dean Winchester. Think of s6 invisiCas. Think of Cas rescuing Dean from Hell, rebuilding him. Then getting to know him, and beginning to doubt, beginning to fall.

Rio** -> Upbeat but reminds me of how Cas is ALWAYS going through it damn.  Anyway this song has everything for your Cas projection needs. I thought it would just be funny at first b/c I was thinking of the fact that Hunter Corp Sam & Dean canonically fucked off to Brazil but !!!!! Consider s6 Cas and how they tried to make him a villain. Also, the Casifer arc. 

Good Wife***-> the song that started it all. upbeat but my GOD, the YEARNING. Basically s6, 6x20, and just CAS. This song honestly speaks for itself and THEY NEVER DID GET TO KNOW THE GOOD LIFE DID THEY ;-; Also ALSO these lyrics??? but especially yellow highlight:

ONCE MORE CAS’S LOVE = UNPLANNED WRENCH IN THE WORKS. GAY LOVE PIERCES THE VEIL AND SAVES THE DAY (and gives me brain worms). FUCK U CHUCK.

Meme credit @autisticandroids. Gifset w/ lyrics that made me see shrimp colors earlier tonight can be found here (x) courtesy of @bikingdean ​

Staring at the Sun -> ohoHOHOHo. Cas pov loving Dean. Sacrificial. Unconditional. Irreversible. If you want a particular spn timeline to think, consider AWOL Demon Dean arc, Dean Michael Possession arc, or general early spn when Cas was often away from the Winchesters but found himself thinking of Dean A LOT but maybe didn't realize it was Love Yet. Dean is the sun.

Touches You *-> credit to @autisticandroids for their post about Cas being like hmm, I want Sam's Codependency with Dean but For Me

I mean:

Heroes -> s7 white scrubs cas. Having taken on Sam's Lucifer Burden. And then purgaytory.

Origin of Love -> Godstiel. S7 deancas. "We're making it up as we go." General deancas, cas pov. Also I love everyone because I love you vibes. 

Stuck in the Middle -> Heaven or Earth. Angel or Human. I mean, c'mon. Could specifically consider s8 Cas wondering about Heaven beyond Naomi's control, but, ultimately, it is about Cas choosing the Winchesters and specifically Dean (imo). Also, these lyrics = Cas @ Dean:

Ordinary Man** -> CAS LOSING HIS GRACE ARC PLUS VICTORIAN CONSUMPTION PINING AFTER DEMON DEAN WHO’S AWOL (s10-ish)

Hurts** -> MIKA X HUMAN CAS GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE BUNKER AND LIVING ON THE STREETS. PAIN. JAIL FOR DEAN FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS FOR THIS SCENE!!! JAIL!! Like Cas is HUMAN. Cas is overwhelmed with feelings and new sensations and one of the first ones he gets to experience in-depth is HEARTBREAK. THANKS DEAN. FUCK U GADREEL.

Stardust -> a little bit of 15x18 confession came to mind, but general deancas longing I feel

Make You Happy* -> "Always happy to bleed for the Winchesters (aka Dean Winchester)" and “shattered at the alter of Winchester” vibes. Verse one but especially, "But if this is love then watch me die on you" and I VIVIDLY pictured the s12 finale cas death and the Dean staring at his pyre scene.

I Went to Hell Last Night -> Cas during Dean Michael Possession Arc + God!Jack vibes. Also consider their very first meeting of course. 

Ready to Call This Love* -> late stage hunter husbands deancas. This is a beautiful duet and if you look at the lyrics on genius, I particularly interpreted it as the italics being Cas and the plain text being Dean. 

Relax, Take it Easy -> Cas taking the deal with the empty and actually reflecting on what he's done maybe. Could also connect with Casifer deal and any of his own poor decisions. Could also be post-confession in the empty.

Any Other World -> s14 finale/s15 beginning. Jack was just killed by Chuck. Chuck is the enemy. Things seem hopeless and irreversibly changed. Shit.

Me, Myself -> This is also break-up-esque, but could also be heard as depressed Cas in the Empty post-confession, thinking Dean doesn’t reciprocate and feeling hopeless. It has Spanish and made me think deancas Spanish dub, but it’s really more like trying to move on vibes. Has a line in Spanish about broken wings 

Tah Dah -> s15 break-up when Cas tries to move on

Step With Me* -> deancas post confession when Dean tells Cas he loves him and they live in domestic bliss (fuck u cw this is MY canon)

BONUS:

By the Time -> In the MIKA!Cas universe, Dean POV on that scene where Cas stole the colt from UNDER DEAN'S PILLOW

It’s My House -> Kinda just enjoyed this one as a fun bop. Pictured it through the Mika!Cas universe lens of being deancas happy ending with a Roadhouse-esque place. Also it might’ve just been on my mind but I was also very much thinking Fuck John Winchester when I listened to this. When the lyrics are like “cause my house is your house,” it’s like NOT you @ him. 

[silkylious]

Limbo (Bakugo Katsuki x Fem!Reader)

Pairing: bakugo katsuki x female reader warnings: heavy angst, eventual tiny bit of fluff at the end

omf this request is so nice i feel so bad that my writing is literally garbage in this, but thank you sm for requesting this!! <3 and im so sorry if i didn’t do your request justice (i legit hate my writing here :’))

To say the state of your relationship was unbearable would be the euphemism of the century.

Your thoughts often ran amuck, always hopelessly crawling back to that one despaired curiosity; wondering if he shared the same sentiment about your wishy-washy “friends” status as you did. He probably didn’t. That’s the seemingly unshakable brick wall that would inevitably dead-end your lovesick daydreams, each and every time. Though when his roughed-up hands linger on your skin a millisecond too long, when his steeled stare melts, hard rubies morphing into blazing lava pits, threatening to mar your very heart and soul with their scorching intensity –you’re not exactly certain you’d mind that– that’s when a flicker of something ignites within you. Hope, longing, doubt. Whatever it is, it terrifies you. Because you’re agonizingly aware of what that entails. He’s got you hook, line and sinker, but torturously he refuses to do anything with that. Almost like pulling someone in for a hug then abruptly and without explanation stopping midway, he keeps you at arm’s length. Not too far, not too close. And how that cycle destroyed you.

Katsuki was the type to jump into action and ask questions later. Except a lot of the times when these questions pertain to his own emotions, he didn’t even try to answer them, opting to shove them to the corners of his psyche, collecting dust, steadily accumulating until they become too much to ignore and he (sometimes quite literally) explodes. It’s a vicious loop that he could never break away from, he’d even come to find a sordid comfort in it. His coping mechanism was by no means healthy, far from it, but he’d grown familiar to the toxicity.

Katsuki couldn’t make heads nor tails of his feelings for you. Whenever he impulsively threw himself into the lion’s den that was your affection, caught in the moment, in the glimmer of genuine adoration in your eyes, he never came back the same. A piece of his heart would irreversibly split off and reside in the palm of your hand, he was scared that nothing would be left of it, that he wouldn’t be able to regain his bearings until it was too late. You so effortlessly juggled with his feelings, all with a single smile, it scared him that you had so much power over the fluttery sensation in his chest and yet, in the moment, it felt good. It felt so good to indulge in whatever fucky feeling was messing with his head, to let you hold him in the depths of obscurity with all prying eyes shut and what little words exchanged hushed. It felt so alleviating to feel skin on his own (for once not in battle), gentle, comforting but not coddling. It was unspoken between you that you were both more than friends. You knew it, he knew it. Neither of you ever mentioned it. What neither of you knew, however, was how far the other’s feelings ran.

But as high as your silent love made him feel, he crashed back down into the concrete when he was left to his own devices. Without your intoxicating scent, distracting touches fogging his rationality, Katsuki had all the time in the world to overthink. And overthink he did. His pride picked apart the delicate flowering in his heart, ripping it petal by petal until nothing was left but a garden of beautifully withered leaves, a condemnation to what he considered a weakness.

Katsuki was a taker by every sense of the word. Basking in your wispy adoration, only to brush you aside in favor of focusing on academics once he’d had his fill of your love. It was sickening.

Maybe it was the fact that you hadn’t outright confessed to him, maybe that’s what soothed the overbearing guilt that crawled up his throat whenever he saw that dejected face of yours, the one you made because of him. If your feelings for him ran deep, surely you would have said something by now, at least that’s what he thought. Or more precisely, that’s the excuse his mind conjured up in hopes of easing his conscious, trying to convince himself that self that yes, he was hurting you, but at least he wasn’t hurting you that bad. He was infinitely aware that this doesn’t put him in any sort of moral high ground, nor does it justify his actions, but, again, it was a last-ditch effort to relieve his anguish if just by a little bit, even if he knew that excuse was bullshit.    

Surely he knew, there’s no way in hell someone as hawk-eyed as him didn’t notice the tyranny he held over the porcelain pitter-pattering of your heart, didn’t notice the fleeting, love-filled glances you sent his way. This was getting ridiculous, you were starting to believe he was taking some twisted sense of pleasure from your heartache, but he wouldn’t do that, right? He didn’t derive some sick kick out of having you indefinitely under his thumb, at his beck and call… right? A few months ago, you would have answered those uncertainties with a resounding “No!” defending his cruel behavior till the bitter end. But now…

Now you weren’t so sure.

And yet you still found yourself in his dorm, on his bed. It was supposed to be another study gathering, but one thing was glaringly missing. Y’know… the gathering. Kirishima was out training and he hadn’t bothered to invite the rest of his brain-dead, self-proclaimed squad. And that’s how you found yourself alone. With your best friend and secret crush. Just dandy.

Your hands were restless. Pulling at the seams of his blanket, cracking your own fingers, picking up your pencil for a brief moment of concentration, answering one or two questions only to drop it back on the mattress again and fidget some more. Katsuki wasn’t fucking blind, and your unease was ticking him off. Though he surprisingly hadn’t said a thing about it just yet, he was clearly nearing his wit’s end. His silence didn’t prevail for much longer, the meek sigh and not so subtle glance you chanced his way being his tipping point.

“What.” It came out as a statement, a demand rather than a question. What was he demanding? He hadn’t thought of that yet, his temperamental limbs already taking the wheel and pressing on the gas without a destination in mind, just being short fused for the sake of it. Was it even his place to be making demands in this situation? Katsuki knew the answer to this one like the back of his hand, a solid no.

“What…?” You really had no idea what Bakugo was expecting with a question like that. He still had the audacity to roll his eyes.

“The hell’s got you so jumpy?”

“It’s nothing…” It was a lot more than nothing, that’s for sure.

“Don’t lie to me, (name). What the fuck is up with you?” Ah, there it is again. That look. His words were as cut-throat as ever, and his mouth was still pulled into that seemingly permanent scowl. But his eyes conveyed something that was whole worlds asunder from his harsh tone. Golden brows furrowed as they usually were, though unusually upturned just the slightest bit. You despised that look. It ensured that you’ll forever be caught in his grasp, forever there for him when he never spared you the time of day.

Your lungs constricted by a force of gorgeously wretched agony. Katsuki wasn’t fair when he bared his soul to you like this, it filled you with such fervent euphoria that torrefied its way through your being, singeing your veins with luminous infatuation. And it hurt. Because you knew he’d cage himself right up as soon as the moment of vulnerability perished.

A crystalline sheen permeated your vision. This wasn’t going to end well.  

“I said it’s nothing,” Your voice raised. You hadn’t meant for the words to be as frosty as they came out, but it seemed like your subconscious was utterly done with the tedium of heartbreak he keeps putting you through.

“What is fucking wrong with you? I was literally just asking why you were being so goddamn obnoxious today and then you go and make a big fuckin’ deal out of nothing!”

“Well, maybe I’m just fucking tired of giving you everything I have and getting nothing in return, Katsuki!”

Your chest rose and fell with each scalding breath that entered your lungs. The blood through your veins was pumping. Never had you been confrontational, and your sudden outburst wasn’t exactly welcome to your system. You wanted to vomit. This was not how you wanted things to turn out, you absolutely needed to leave, distance yourself from the emotional strain he was inflicting on you.  

Without taking notice of the panicked glint in the cherry red of his irises, you bolted out of the suddenly claustrophobic room, leaving Katsuki to stare at his agape door before flickering his unfocused attention to your supplies still laying on his bed.

Katsuki erupted time and time again, with you being as patient as a receiving end could ever be. It’s specifically because of your godly patience that he never considered what he would do once you erupted.

With your back sliding down your dorm room door, and little friction stopping your descent, you wondered and maybe even wished he’d call after you, come banging on your door with bristling apologies on the tip of his tongue. However, the jarring reality was very clear to you. You’d decided on that day, with your head buried in your tear-stained pillow, that these were the last tears you’d ever shed on him, that you were going to put him through the same wringing hell he’d put you through.

You were going to ignore Bakugo Katsuki’s existence just like he’d periodically ignored yours.

The following week had been bleak at best and excruciatingly bitter at its worst for the both of you. It was so strange having to adjust to the absence of the other, even if your company more often than not had been a quiet one, it was company nevertheless. The most grueling part though, was your shared friend group. They’d noticed that something was obviously awry, but since neither of you said a thing about it, they decided it would be best if they didn’t either. The awkward dead silences during lunch were still purgatory to behold. But after a few more slow paced days, the sun seemed to shine bright again. For you, that is.

You didn’t realize how much of your schedule revolved around Bakugo until he was completely out of it. How much time you spent with him, dreading him, thinking about him… him, him, him. He’d consumed your thoughts from the first sparks of dawn till the hallows of dusk. You had so much free time now that he was out of the picture, it was crazy. The more time you spent on yourself, on your hobbies, getting to know other classmates outside of your immediate friend circle, the duller the ache in your chest. Until it was but a static buzz. Yet you couldn’t deny that, with time, your fury had mellowed out, leaving behind a cold loneliness you couldn’t elude whenever your aimless stare landed on him, almost like it was drawn to him by muscle memory.

He was the exact opposite.

You’d think the throbbing within him whenever you finally gazed his way then instantaneously looked in the opposite direction would knock come modicum of sense into his stubborn head. But nope. And seeing you thrive without him only cemented what he already knew. He really was no good for you. So much so that it barely took anytime for you to readjust to the lack of him in your life, and not only did you adjust, you were the best he’s ever seen you both mentally and academically. In the first week of you ditching him completely, his bruised ego kept him for reaching out to you, but now, seeing that elated grin on your face –the one that had been gradually dwindling over the past few months– he didn’t want to take your newfound happiness away, he’d figured he’d done you more than enough harm already.

Heart heavy with reluctance, Katsuki made the decision to give up on your relationship. Deciding to wordlessly cheer you on from the sidelines and watch you bloom, flourishing into the person he robbed you of being for a chunk of your life, though whenever your spring hit, it would be without him. Until some day in the future where his pride wasn’t as suffocating, where he could genuinely, wholeheartedly repent his grievances and only hope for your forgiveness.

Kirishima never took Bakugo for a quitter, hell would freeze over before he even thought such a thing. So this was certainly a shock. What was even more shocking ­– and overwhelmingly concerning– was the fact that Katsuki had willingly, on his own accord confided in him, and he’d, in his own roundabout way, taken accountability for being a gigantic douche to you. As much as the redhead respected his friend’s decision to stay clear of you, he couldn’t help but wish you’d just talk to one another for once. Kirishima really was a saint, having to listen to two idiots ramble about how much they miss the other.

“Listen, man. I know you feel bad and all that, but maybe you should just talk to her? I’m sure she’d like some closure on this just as you do, even if that doesn’t mean things will go back to the way they were.” Eijirou tried to reason, praying to whatever higher being out there that Katsuki would just get the fuck over himself and communicate with you.

“Fuck no. That’s not fucking happening, shitty hair,” Kirishima rolled his eyes at the oh so affectionate nickname, thoroughly done with his best friend’s melodrama. Welp, I guess there’s only one thing left to try. He heaved internally, mentally and physically preparing himself for Bakugo’s tantrum.

“Well, you know that if you won’t talk to her, others will, right? I heard some guys saying they’re gonna ask her ou–”

“Shut the fuck up! I don’t give a rat’s ass who asks her out!” He definitely did. Eijirou hid his smile. Checkmate.

“Whatever you say, dude.”

Later that day, three distinctly powerful knocks woke you up. Needless to say, you didn’t think that night would end up with you and Katsuki staring each other down, seated on your bed at one in the morning. Words got stuck in his throat, so he just… noiselessly watched your face, as if trying to telepathically ram his constipated emotions into you, in hopes that you’d make sense of them. Obviously, that didn’t work.

“Did you come banging on my door at one in the morning just to stare at me, Bakugo? I mean I know I’m pretty but still–”

“Shuddup.” Not really the best thing to say to you after weeks of radio silence. You were about to make another salty remark, but he opened his mouth first.

“I fucked up,” The fact that he was acknowledging he was at fault was… something. But that wasn’t nearly enough to pay off the debt off turmoil he’d caused you.

“No shit.” You replied without missing a beat. The ice that tinged your words caught him off guard, but he really shouldn’t have been surprised. He sighed, knowing he’d have to strip himself of everything, including his pride (especially his pride) down to his very core, to have a go at a second chance.

And so, he did.

He poured his everything out for you to observe, without an ego film distorting his words. Syllables reeked of muted agony, he really had rid himself of anything and everything that wasn’t his deepest soul. He finally offered you himself just as you had done countless times before. Katsuki swore that his heart would –and always has been– explicitly yours, he’d roar that fact at the constellations above if you so wished him to. And while it would take a while to heal from coruscating blisters he’d inflicted, you were more than content mending and welting your heart with his.  

[marshmallowprotection]

WARNING! VERY LONG! AND ALSO TALKS ABOUT ABUSE AND MANIPULATION AND ALSO MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL.

Please don't read if that triggers you!

ALSO MAJOR AND I MEAN MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DRAKENGARD 3 AND POSSIBLY EVILLIOUS CHRONICLES TOO. — Submission

It has been like a millennium since I have sent you any sort of things about a character (or in this case, characterS) but as I recently revised the story of this very fucked up pair of twins, I decided to show them to you. They are specifically characters in an RP of mine with my friend Jade which is a crossover between Evillious Chronicles and Drakengard 3.

Here's a bit of context:

The Intoners are beings that can use the power of song, but their true purpose is to destroy the world. The original Intoner was Zero, who became an Intoner after the Flower, some sort of being that the Gods created to destroy the world, took root inside of her corpse and effectively 'revived' her as an Intoner; also, Zero wasn't always called Zero, previously she was named Rose (which wasn't her birth name, as she has no birth name), but she changed her name to Zero after she became an Intoner (it's unknown why). After Zero tried to kill herself when she realized that she'd eventually be forced to destroy the world by the Flower, the Flower, sensing her hostility towards it, birthed five beings from her as sort of 'backups' in a sense to ensure it would succeed in destroying the world: One, Two, Three, Four, and Five. These beings are all in some way like Zero, as they were created from fragments of her memories, personality, and resemble people from Zero's past; e.g. One resembles a rebel girl who Zero was tied up next to as she was left to die in town's square of some village as punishment for her crimes of murdering hundreds of people; Five resembles a nun who Zero had killed at some point before she became an Intoner; etc. The Flower did this on purpose to make Zero hesitate in killing them, which...on paper it would seem to be a good idea, but Zero's not the type to hesitate in killing anybody, unless it's someone she cares about (which, the only people she cares about are not even really 'people', their dragons), and she don't give two fucks about the other Intoners at all, so, yeah.

'HERS' is a acronym for 'Hereditary Evil Raiser Syndrome' and its a fictional disease in Evillious that when your infected you become compelled into doing violence, as the goal of anybody whose ends up with HERS is to destroy the world and everybody in it; well that's an oversimplified explanation of it.

The Climb One is a ship that the last Earthlings from the Second Period used to escape their dying planet.

The First Period was the very first world in Evillious, which heavily resembled our world; the Second Period was a virtual reality created by the people of the First Period which also heavily resembled our world. At some point the First Period died (it's implied that a nuclear war happened there which is why everybody there died) and thanks to Behemo the Earthlings on the Climb One were taken into reality and they found the ruined First Period planet and on its ruins was built the Third Period (which was a world of its own). Oh and the humans from the Second Period are referred to as Earthlings in order to differentiate them from First Period/Third Period humans as they were originally not even 'real'.

Sickle is a robot built by an Earthling named Luna Hazuki and eventually he becomes a god and takes the form of a bat who observes the people of the Third Period.

Medora is another OC of mine from my RP with Jade. Her story is a story for another time ^^'

Aurende is an original kingdom of mine, not a country that's canonly in EC.

Why are Lumina and Eliora Romanian? I dunno I found out Lumina means sunshine in Romanian and just went with it; it's an insignificant detail anyways that's not exactly very relevant to Lumina and Eliora's stories but is just there.

Alright the context dumping is done with ^^''''' go onto the Evillious Chronicles and Drakengard wikis, they can give you a lot more less simplified context for this stuff but I think I told you the bare minimum you need to understand whats going on? I hope I gave you enough context to understand ^^'

But anyways on with th character info and Lumina and Eliora's story!

Name: Lumina

Aliases: True God Twins (With Eliora)

Lumi (By Eliora)

Lumina Ardelean (Full Name)

Hypocritical Strawberry (By Sickle, Mockingly)

Age: 1,045+ (On 499 E.C.)

Looks 18

Height: 163 cm/5’4’’

Weight: 49 kgs/110 lbs

Cup Size: C

Bust/Waist/Hip: 84/59/85

Sex: Female

Gender: Female

Classification: Human (Till 529 B.T.)

Earthling (Till 528 B.T.)

God

Race: Romanian

Hair Color: Strawberry Blonde

Eye Color: Gold

Born: 546 B.T.

Died: Varies

Status: Varies

Sexuality: Bisexual/Demiromantic

Relatives: Unnamed Mother (Deceased; Died In Childbirth)

Unnamed Father (Deceased; Died of Alcohol Overdose)

Eliora Ardelean (Younger Twin Sister)

Flower (Creation)

Zero (Flower’s Host)

One (Creation Via Flower)

Two (Creation Via Flower)

Three (Creation Via Flower)

Four (Creation Via Flower)

Five (Creation Via Flower)

Medora Aurende (Prototype Intoner)

Occupation: Creator of The Flower And Intoners

Affiliations: None

Favorite Food: Chocolate-Strawberry Sundae

Loves: Eliora, Revenge, Inducing Suffering In Others, Chocolate, Sundaes, Sweets, Strawberries

Hates: Alcohol, Her Father, People Who Hurt Others, People Calling Out Her Hypocrisy, Faeries, Her Father’s Girlfriend, Five

Weapons: Magic

Background + Personality: Lumina is a prideful but vengeful girl, whose been irreversibly scarred by the events of her and her twin sister’s childhood. Her mother died giving birth to her and her sister, which caused her father to blame her and her sister for their mother’s death, giving him an excuse to constantly beat her and starve her and her sister. Lumina did her best to protect Eliora from their father, taking most of their father’s beatings. Due to their father being an alcoholic and his alcoholism only causing her and Eliora to be abused even more horribly and brutally whenever he was drunk, Lumina developed a hatred of alcohol, especially beer and wine, which her father drank often. Her father eventually got a girlfriend, who also often abused the two girls, and ironically, this girlfriend heavily resembled Five, the youngest Intoner sister, which caused Lumina and Eliora to often be uncomfortable whenever she is in Five’s presence later on.

Lumina one day discovered her mother’s diary and found that her father had in fact heavily abused her mother when she was alive, like he did to Lumina and Eliora, and that her mother had been a way for him to take out all his anger and pain, and her mother believed that that was ok, because this way she had a meaning, this way her ‘worthless’ life had a meaning. Lumina realized her father was not upset about her and Eliora’s mother’s death because he was in love with her mother, he was upset because he had lost his main coping mechanism to deal with all of his problems, and so had replaced her mother with her and Eliora. Lumina became enraged by this revelation and confronted her father about it, but only found herself battered to near death.

The next day, her father died of an alcohol overdose, and she and Eliora ran away and ended up on the streets. From there they were constantly beaten yet again, except not by their father, but by people they had never even met before.

Lumina continued doing her best to protect her sister from the abuse and often took care of her, leading to the two sisters becoming starkly different in their world view;

Eliora’s world view will be stated in her info, but nonetheless here is Lumina’s world view:

Lumina, sick and tired of all of the pain she went through because of the world, developed a hatred of the world and a desire to destroy it all and start again, as well as to punish humanity for being ‘sinful’ creatures, believing that starting from zero again was the only way to end the cycle of abuse. Ironically, Lumina found herself also enjoying watching other people suffer, as she believed that other people deserved it for being ‘cruel, sinful humans’, which made her no better than her abusers and only showed she was a hypocrite in what she believed, as she began actively inflicting harm upon others just like how she had been hurt.

Eventually, Lumina and Eliora by unknown means managed to sneak into the Second Period, where Lumina ended up unknowingly being infected by HERS, which only served to make her desire to destroy the world stronger; Eliora, however, remained uninfected. Lumina and Eliora then snuck onto the Climb One, where they would then end up in the chaos somehow reincarnated into Gods and trapped inside the Climb One with Levia and Behemo, who questioned who they were until Behemo recognized them as the two homeless girls he saw often wandering the streets. Lumina and Eliora would manage to escape the Climb One within a few years thanks to their bodies being intact, and they soon found that they had become gods, which gave Lumina an idea; they enact a plan to destroy the world. Despite Eliora’s hesitance, Eliora went through with it and so the two sisters began their experimentations which would eventually lead to the creation of the Flower and the concept of Intoners.

One of their prototype Intoners was Medora Aurende, a princess of the Kingdom of Aurende, who was later deemed a failure due to not being strong enough to destroy the world, and so the twins disposed of her, leaving her for dead in a forest in the Beelzenian Empire.

Eventually, the Flower was finally complete along with the concept of Intoners, and the twins enacted their plan to destroy the world. They went to the city of Alicegrad in the country of Holy Levianta and infected a human who had been left for dead in the city square named ‘Rose’ with the Flower, and she was soon revived and turned into an Intoner. Rose changed her name to Zero soon after. Eliora began to become more and more hesitant and concerned with Lumina’s plan to destroy the world, but in response, Lumina slapped her and told her

“I’ve protected you for your entire life, you know. It’s time you repaid me a bit by helping me destroy the world that hurt me so much. And this will only serve to benefit you anyways; after all, this world hurt you so much too, despite my attempts at protecting you. Why wouldn’t you want to destroy it as well, Eli?”

Eliora afterward meekly nodded and never questioned Lumina again out of fear of what she’d do to her if she dared to question the plan again, even though Eliora could tell the Flower was slowly growing out of their control.

Lumina’s overall a very hateful, vengeful, hypocritical woman who at this point constantly contradicts herself, claiming that she wants to break the cycle of abuse whilst continuing to harm others. Yet deep in her heart, it seems she does genuinely still care for her sister, although it appears as time passes she slowly becomes more and more obsessed with hurting other people and punishing humanity for its sins as she gradually succumbs to her HERS instincts, and her care and empathy slowly wither away; even her love for her sister and feelings of kinship with Zero is slowly dissipating; until all that remains is her hatred of the world and humanity overall. Sickle mockingly calls her a ‘hypocritical strawberry’ due to her hypocrisy and strange obsession with strawberries.

Name: Eliora

Aliases: True God Twins (With Lumina)

Eli (By Lumina)

Eliora Ardelean (Full Name)

Pitiable Strawberry (By Sickle)

Age: 1,045+ (On 499 E.C.)

Looks 18

Height: 161 cm/5’3’’

Weight: 48 kgs/108 lbs

Cup Size: C

Bust/Waist/Hip: 83/58/84

Sex: Female

Gender: Female

Classification: Human (Till 529 B.T.)

Earthling (Till 528 B.T.)

God

Race: Romanian

Hair Color: Strawberry Blonde

Eye Color: Gold

Born: 546 B.T.

Died: Varies

Status: Varies

Sexuality: Bisexual/Demiromantic

Relatives: Unnamed Mother (Deceased; Died In Childbirth)

Unnamed Father (Deceased; Died of Alcohol Overdose)

Lumina Ardelean (Older Twin Sister)

Flower (Creation)

Zero (Flower’s Host)

One (Creation Via Flower)

Two (Creation Via Flower)

Three (Creation Via Flower)

Four (Creation Via Flower)

Five (Creation Via Flower)

Medora Aurende (Prototype Intoner)

Occupation: Creator of The Flower And Intoners

Affiliations: None

Favorite Food: Chocolate-Strawberry Sundae

Loves: Lumina (Or So She Claims), Dancing, Chocolate, Sundaes, Sweets, Baby Animals, Children, Dragons, Books, Reading, Singing, Zero, Strawberries

Hates: Seeing People Suffer, Her Father, Her Father’s Girlfriend, Five, The World (To A Much Lesser Degree Than Lumina), Alcohol

Weapons: Magic

Background + Personality: Most of Eliora and Lumina’s backstory was covered in Lumina’s info, so most of it will not be stated here except for any parts unique to Eliora.

Eliora is a meek, weak-willed girl who does as her sister tells her, secretly wishing to deviate from her sister’s will but being unable to as she is blinded by her ‘love’ for her sister and by what Lumina constantly tells her about their plan with the Flower and Intoners being “for the best”, that it’s “better for them to destroy the world here to stop humans from continuing to sin and hurt each other”, that “humanity is a sinful, malicious race that should be annihilated along with this cruel world they created”, even though Eliora knows deep inside that Lumina is merely manipulating her and forcing her to go along with what she wants.

Eliora’s world view is vastly different from her sister’s, as Eliora, who often could only watch as her sister was beaten and hurt constantly, found herself believing that revenge didn’t do much but perpetuate the cycle of abuse that she and Lumina suffered from, and so believed that the only way to end the cycle was to help abuse survivors not repeat the actions of their abusers. But Lumina heavily disagreed with her and forced Eliora, whether through physical harm or threats, to go along with Lumina’s plans and act the part of an ‘evil god who wants to destroy the world’.

Eliora also feels as if she’s indebted to Lumina for her protecting her from most of abuse of their childhood, and so feels obligated to help her even though she really believes that what Lumina’s doing is wrong.

Sickle pityingly calls Eliora a ‘pitiable strawberry’ due to her strange obsession with strawberries just like Lumina and because she’s a person who is very pitiable.

Whenever Eliora is able to, she often spends her time dancing, singing, or reading, loving all three activities immensely and secretly wishing she could have become a dancer or writer or singer or something of the sort rather than a mere instrument in her sister’s plans to destroy the world, and hopes that in some other life she could go follow her dreams rather than be forced to help her sister.

Also unlike her sister, Eliora is a very empathetic person, and despises killing and hurting others, although pretends as if she does enjoy such activities in order to please her sister.

So yeah, that's Lumina and Eliora's story. *me torturing my characters again and again goes brrrr-*

For reference here's their official designs (btw I probably should redo their arts considering their older as I made them back in April so yeah- oof) as well as sketch I made of them I may never finish but who knows:

Left girl is Lumina, right girl is Eliora ^

Oh, wow.

Okay. You’ve really edited and revised a lot of the story. The girls are looking really good, too. Angst can be a good device to help you channel your emotions in a healthy and constructive way. I think you’re building a really fun universe that just works for you and all of this design, planning and care takes a lot of time and effort. Never discount that work you put into it.

They are foils of each other.

They suffered but they handled it differently. That makes for an interesting arc for the both of them as they try to make sense of reality.

[supposed2bfunny]

2doc Week Day 6-Milestones

This milestone is a modest one: the first time 2D stayed the night with Murdoc <3

Afterwards, when we have slept, paradise- comaed and woken, we lie a long time looking at each other.

I do not know what he sees, but I see eyes of surpassing tenderness and calm, a calm like the dignity of matter. -“The Knowing” by Sharon Olds

It’s quiet.

There isn’t a soul moving in Kong, and although white light streams into the windows of the Winnebago, 2D feels certain that he could fall back asleep if he only threw a hand over his eyes.

He’s too scared to move though.

He has never seen the room illuminated by early-morning sun before. The way it glimmers as it streams through the empty beer bottles on the small kitchen table is novel, the long shadows it causes to stretch out from the legs of the single stool beside the old boombox are alien. It’s sort of like going to your first school dance, the strange feeling of passing your classroom and seeing it in the darkness that Autumn ushers in so early, devoid of its usual fluorescent glow and apathetic teacher. It’s like being in a movie theatre when you stay till all the credits have rolled and the lights flicker back on and the chairs and the soundproof walls all look so outlandish in comparison to the film you just enjoyed.

He is in a new place, tangled in Murdoc’s bedsheets before noon, clad in only his boxers and with the older man breathing noisily beside him.

No, sleeping with Murdoc isn’t new. By now he feels familiar letting himself in with a sixpack or one of his novelty bongs or the mixtape an old buddy had made for him that he’s rediscovered while sorting through the boxes of shit that he’s moved from Crawley to Essex. He knows well the pattern, the drinks, smokes, songs, and the way they ultimately lead to kissing and kissing and kissing and finally to Murdoc’s unmade bed, the ratty sheets, the disposal of clothes onto the floor. It is a rare thing to be allowed into his Winnebago. Somehow, 2D has accelerated past that rarity and into a new realm entirely.

Still, this is unknown territory even for him. He wants to bolt.

He absolutely should bolt.

But getting up out of bed will jostle Murdoc. Plus, he’s never been known to move gracefully. Rising to leave will likely lead to him tripping over a table leg, a stray bottle of vodka, or his own feet. The inevitable yelp, crash, cacophony of debris being scattered in the wake of his flailing arms. Another routine he is accustomed to.

The only option, it would seem, is to continue lying here, counting his breaths to keep the rise and fall of his chest even, and watching Murdoc’s sleeping, morning sun-lit face with all the reverence he dares allow himself to feel.

Denying his feelings would be futile. He knows he loves Murdoc, and he’s known it for a long, long time. Despite the constant jokes from the rest of the band and from the press, 2D is not really as stupid as he’s made out to be. He understands well the uselessness of falling for someone so irreversibly damaged and borderline sociopathic in his treatment of other people as Murdoc Niccals.

So what, then, is he just supposed to look at those dark eyelashes, this bent, broken nose, the dark circles under Murdoc’s eyes and the splash of black ink just visible where his shoulder disappears under the blanket, and feel nothing? 2D has been raised to be a gentle boy: he doesn’t know if he’s capable of pursuing a carnal relationship without letting something soft and gooey and tender ooze in.

It’s one of the great mysteries of life how anyone can get to know Murdoc Niccals and not fall in love with him, 2D thinks.

That’s why he continues to watch the older man, to listen to the loud whistle of air traveling through his nose as he breathes. It’s why he drinks in the sight of the room, and then moves on to meditating on the places where their bodies touch: their bare knees are pressed together, 2D’s left against Murdoc’s right. The older man’s arm is pressed between them, the hair of his forearm just a bit ticklish against 2D’s side just beneath his ribs.

He loves it, the warmth where their skin connects, the peaceful silence between them—he’s never known Murdoc to be quiet, but sometimes when they’re lying together before they fall asleep, Murdoc just rests, not feeling any need to attack the quiet that expands between them: there’s a sort of companionship that exists around them that doesn’t need to be interpreted or interrupted.

And even if Murdoc is in one of his chattier moods, 2D will always listen. He loves Murdoc’s snoring, loves his silences, loves his expansive repertoire of speaking about absolutely nothing for hours on end,

loves him.

Obviously and intensely.

He mouths the word to the ceiling, confident that the Winnebago can keep a secret. Love. It’s just nice, he figures, to see the way it fits in his mouth, the way it might roll out if he ever works up the nerve to throw it into a song, which is the most indirect way he’ll ever be able to put the truth out there without flat-out telling the older man.

Just once, once is enough to get the gist, and then he decides to indulge and watch Murdoc sleep a little longer

2D inclines his head just slightly—and finds Murdoc’s dark eyes open, watching him.

His pupils are small in the bright sun, and the brown of his right iris pools with the light, illuminated in a way 2D has never seen it before. His left eye glistens less like blood or ruby, more like mulled wine. There is a long moment where 2D can only stare at the display before him in wonder. Then it all clicks.

“Um,” he says, his first word of the day. “Sorry. I’ll leave.”

If he doesn’t get out of the bed in a matter of seconds, he anticipates that he’ll be kicked out physically.

“I can see your pupils in this light,” Murdoc grumbles, voice dreamthick and dry.

“What?”

“In this bright light,” he repeats, shrugging his shoulder to accentuate what he’s saying. 2D, who has been blinking in the harsh light for a while already, knows exactly what he’s referring to. “I can see your red eyes and your black pupils. The blood, I guess. Looks cool.”

“Thanks,” he says, swinging one leg over the edge of the bed. “Anyway, I’ll see you later—”

“What’s the rush?” Murdoc asks around a yawn, stretching his legs and letting out a dinosaur-like screech of pleasure as his joints crack. “You have a press conference you failed to tell me about, Dents?”

“Um, no…”

“Right, so what’s the rush? It’s the ass-crack of dawn and I’m comfortable. I don’t exactly appreciate being jostled this soon after rising. Aren’t you? Comfortable?”

2D’s brain works through everything that’s just been said to him, including how impressive it is that Murdoc is capable of constructing full sentences this soon after waking up. There are some factual errors in Murdoc’s reasoning, sure. He’s certain dawn was hours ago, and it’ll be noon before long. However, he’s also fairly certain that Murdoc is implying that because he’s comfortable and wants to remain in bed, 2D is encouraged to do the same. In the years he’s known Murdoc, he has never, not once, mentioned ‘mornings after’ with lovers.  Because lovers do not stay in Murdoc’s bed till sunrise.

“I…I can stay, Muds?”

“Why not?” he asks, shifting so that one of his arms cushions his head, his free arm draping comfortably around 2D’s waist. “The art of lazing and lounging is a vital one, you know.”

2D nods, shifts a little closer to Murdoc. They’re not cuddling, not exactly. But they are laying together in a very companionable manner. Post-coital, except that they haven’t done anything since last night, and this makes 2D feel simultaneously thankful for this peaceful, affectionate restfulness and also very, very anxious.

He’s hyperaware of his heartbeat, wonders if Murdoc can feel it in the places where they touch, or where his arm now holds him. He also wonders whether or not it’s very obvious how much he feels he must be blushing right now. These things are hard to conceal with a complexion as fair as his own.

“This uh, it is kind of nice,” he admits at length, when he rediscovers the synapses that fire between his brain and his tongue.

“Hm,” Murdoc grumbles, the effect sort of like the purr of a contented old cat in a patch of sun. “We should go back to sleep,” he adds.

Only he doesn’t close his eyes, he keeps watching 2D. And 2D is staring right back, acquainting himself with each blood vessel in Murdoc’s eyes, with the stubble on his chin and the thick tufts of hair that curl just slightly at the ends of his mop top.

Ultimately, they wind up staring, almost hypnotized by one another’s eye contact, for a very long stretch.

2D knows only the blink of Murdoc’s eyes, the rhythmic thump of his heartbeat: both movements consistent and unconscious.

At some point, they move closer. It’s too early in the morning for either of them to parse through who moves first, all they know is that they drift into one another, and then there’s kissing.

They kiss languidly, as though they are moving underwater, and it is the most unhurried 2D has ever felt in a moment of intimacy. It’s as pleasurable and laconic as a morning stretch, and he savors the quickening of his own pulse, the slickness of Murdoc’s lips gliding against his own.

Okay, he’ll stay here all day if he can.

He’ll stay the night anytime he comes to Murdoc’s Winnie from now on. If he can help it, he thinks, as Murdoc shifts, bare legs rubbing against his, one hand cupping his face very gently, he’ll stay by his side for the rest of his life.

[lovefollowsknowledge]

Rejoice! It is time.

This picture was taken just a little over 5 years ago. More specifically, it was taken on October 22, 2015 while I was living in Michigan. And ever since October 22 of this year I have been trying to get the words out of what this year’s anniversary of this picture has meant to me, but every time I feel like I come up short. I’ve tried to write it out, pray it out, and talk it out with those closest to me, but every time I feel like I’m at a lost for words as to how to adequately convey what this year’s anniversary means to me. Because for the first time, I am not afraid.

I usually hate this time of year. During this time of year I usually avoid any old posts, old pictures, and most especially any old memories. I try to avoid anything that could remind of the day this was taken. Because on this day 5 years ago, I went into the hospital for my first time ever. It was for my depression. The days and weeks leading up to this day were intense. My mind was completely gripped by the conviction of suicide. I was starting to think in lasts. Last time I would see my family, last time I would talk to friends, last time I would drive down roads, last time I would walk along paths.

There was one time in particular I was walking along a path I had been walking almost daily. It was actually a beautiful fall day, but my mind was very very dark. I started to see everything as an opportunity, and I had already made up my mind that once I got back home that would be it. But by God’s providence alone, I was met with a busy house, too busy to do anything so severe. So I trudged along.

There was another day in particular where I was alone at work. I had gone to vigil Mass and stayed behind uncontrollably sobbing in my pew till everyone was gone and all the lights shut off. It was to the point I even had another parishioner check on me before they left. I bawled all the way down the hallway back to my office and tried so hard to distract myself with work and worship music, but nothing helped. Eventually I sought out professional help, but even that brought no relief. But again, by God’s providence alone, my therapist from California, who I hadn’t talked to in 8 months, randomly called me just to check in and talked me through all the thoughts I was having. She told me “Don’t let this be the end. FIGHT! Which for you mostly means, RECEIVE!”

One other time that I will always remember was one evening we all came back home from something, maybe vigil Mass, and it was one of those days where I had to fight with all my strength not to completely break down. So the moment we got home, I went straight to my room, locked the door, and just tossed and turned in agony on my bed not knowing how to deal with the swirl of sadness, darkness, hopelessness going on in my head. I texted Ate right away that I wouldn’t be joining them that night for whatever dinner or movie they were gonna do. But she sent Jobo to go check on me. I paced the room debating if I should just push through, let him in, and go join them. I decided against it and shooed him off. But with God’s loving and relentless providence, He sends Ate down to check on me who refuses to let me keep the door locked. I open the door, and immediately she just scoops me up in all my despair and lets me cry in her arms. We spend the rest of the night just laying in my bed as I word vomit all the sadness I had been bottling up.

Finally the day came when my doctor wouldn't let me sit in my thoughts anymore. It just wasn't safe. So she made me promise I’d take myself to the hospital, call her when I got there, and have the hospital call her if they didn’t admit me. I drove home completely stunned, shocked, and dumbfounded that it had actually reached that point. It was one of those drives I had no idea how I got home. Very emptily, I packed my stuff trying to accept the fact that I was going to the hospital with a very high chance of me staying there overnight. My brother called in that moment, and that’s when I started to break. He told me, “This is only the beginning, and I can’t wait to see you come out the other side. You’re gonna be so much stronger.” He then asked if I wanted him and Rose to come out, and very timidly, I said yes. It was hard for me to admit, but I really really needed them in that moment. I needed the assurance of love. I needed to know it was going to be okay. I needed to be taken care of. So I gave in.

That night was by far the scariest moment of my life. Kuya and Ate stayed with me till the doctors and nurses said that was as far as they could go and as long as they could stay. My heart sunk in that moment as things started to get more and more real with them leaving. I did my orientation interview with the nurse, and that’s when she told me the soonest I could get out of there was Monday bc the minimum was usually 3 days and the discharge doctor doesn’t work on weekends. Monday was 4 days away. I went to bed that night in medical robes and bawled myself to sleep. If I didn’t have a roommate I would probably be wailing with every bit of fear and anxiety within me. I was doing one of those big silent cries, where the weight is so heavy but I’m not able to make a sound.

The next 4 days were intense as I had to face my darkness straight in the eyes for my first time, with no other distractions, no other escape. I spent my days calling anyone I possibly could from those free phones, just desperate to hear a voice outside those hospital walls. Something to keep me grounded that there is life outside of this, there is hope and people waiting for me. I lived for 4-5pm, the one hour a day we were allowed to have visitors. That first day in particular, it felt like forever till Ate got there. Ohhh but when she did, it was over. We were a mess. We both hated that I was there, and we both desperately wanted me to leave, but I just couldn’t. The following days Ced and Rose were there, and a couple times even brought me the Eucharist :) It was a scary time, but also very reflective. At this point I was 99.9999% convinced I was made for suicide, and if anyone found me loved and lovable, it was them that was being deceived. But the nurses and doctors couldn’t understand why I was there because it was clear I had a good life and was blessed with a solid support system. But as I was reading through my notes from my time there - which I almost never do, except this year - I wrote what one of the doctors told me, “life starts over every 5 years, stick around and see if it gets good.”

And well, here I am 5 years later, and for the first time, instead of running in fear from the memories of this time in year, the only word I can come up with to sum up how I’m feeling is REJOICE. This year on October 22 all I wanted to do was rejoice over the memories. Instead of hiding in shame, I wanted everyone to know it’s been 5 years bc I’m honestly so proud. Because waking up on October 22, 2020 it felt like I could finally exhale. There’s something about this year that makes me feel like I can finally say, “You did it. You survived. It’s over.” There’s something about this year that makes it feel like this chapter of depression is finally over, and I can now move on. And I wish I can tell you what exactly made it that way, but I just can’t. Maybe there’s more to process, but it’s as if I just found myself on the other side. The other side that Ced talked to me about right before I went in. It’s like one of those war movies, where the scene cuts just as they’re in the middle of big explosions, and everything feels overwhelming. But the very next scene is the solider waking up, and the next thing he knows is the war is done. The battle was won, he fought the good fight, and he’s free to return home. That’s where I’ve seemed to find myself. It’s as if I found myself with the strength that Ced almost prophesied over me right before I went in. And it blows me away that on the one year I’m actually brave enough to read my old notes, this is the one I find - “life starts over every 5 years, stick around and see if it gets good.” And it’s not even that I would write to Past Mare of 5 years ago and say, “Yes! Stick around bc it does get good!” As if all this will go away soon and all my dreams will come true. Bc that 100% didn’t happen. But I would tell myself “stick around, feel the feels, voice all the thoughts, and just keep fighting. bc one day, you will find yourself free.”

Bc that’s exactly how I feel - free. It’s as if I’ve been chained down all this time, and by God’s grace the locks have been broken, and I can walk free, no conditions, no tricks, just free. Almost like Genie at the end of Aladdin. He fought the fight, he was faithful, and now the cuffs are simply off and he’s free to go. Just like that. And every time I’ve tried to write this out, pray this out, talk this out, I am brought to tears bc the freedom isn’t just from the fear and despair I felt 5 years ago in that hospital. The truth is that hospital bed was a lonnnng time coming. The tears of rejoicing that I shed now are not only for Hospital-Mare 5 years ago, but for St. Rose-Mare 7 years ago who felt like a piece of shit every single day, Newly Graduated-Mare 8 years ago who felt life was hopeless, Senior Year of College-Mare 9 years ago who couldn’t help but be attracted to the idea, and Senior Year of High School-Mare 13 years ago who felt no one would even notice or care. Bc for the first time in 13 years I am no longer plagued by the conviction that my life is irreversibly hopeless and helpless, that I am intrinsically unloved and unlovable, and that as sure as the sun will rise, I am destined for suicide. For the first time in 5 years I am no longer afraid of this time of year bc there is a still but sure certainty that my life is about to change as this 13 year battle has finally come to an end. Not that depression will be fully behind me and will no longer be a thing for me for the rest of my life, but that depression no longer runs my life. Depression no longer dictates my life. Depression may still be in the car, but it no longer drives the car of my life. And I can’t help but weep over this triumph.

It’s such a trippy and almost anticlimactic experience though bc there really isn’t 1 particular moment I can point to. (Well maybe there is but that might be for another story ;)) But even then, there was more before leading up to that moment. Like so many people, 2020 has brought a lot of loss for me. But most of mine are relationships (for different reasons). I lost a couple relationships with people who have guided me through many years of my life; I lost a very personal and close relationship; I lost the relationships from my job and all those that came with it (at least the nature of them). And while each loss has brought a lot of grief, worry, and tears, at the end of the day there was peace bc it all just felt part of the plan. It felt like watching the series finale of a show where everything starts to find resolution, bringing the show to a final and peaceful close. With every loss this year, it felt like another resolution and another part of the story coming to an end. It felt like the final pages of a book closing. And something in me just knew, this is it.

And again, I wish I could say I went to the hospital and that was it. Life was beautiful and perfect and made complete sense. But that’s just not true. I went 2 more times before moving back home to Cali and went another time for a very long stretch for what ended up being lupus. I lost a lot of dreams and cried many tears of agony and frustration and honestly straight anger towards God. But I had to keep moving. The freedom I live in now didn’t come with one big moment. It came with the last 5 years after the hospital, and the 4 years before the hospital, of doing the hard work in therapy. I had to learn to grow in trust and vulnerability. I had to learn how to receive care and love (probably the hardest part of it all). I had to be docile to practice what I was learning in therapy. I had be honest with my thoughts and feelings to myself, my therapist, the group I was in therapy with, and most especially with those closest to me, especially those I lived with. It also took a lot of trial and error wth medication. It took hard work, and a lot of it was being brave enough to enter into the darkness, let myself feel the feelings and voice the thoughts. It took a lot of letting people speak truth to me and even speaking truth to myself, even if it all felt like a lie. It took faithfulness to holy hours, receiving the Eucharist, and daily prayer time even if all I had was anger or indifference towards God, even if it all felt empty and pointless. It took repeating the name of Jesus, endlessly reciting the Memorare, and begging for St. Michael’s intercession in the scariest moments of my depression. It took long, hard work, but what brings me to cry tears of rejoicing now is not only how long it’s taken me to get here, but remembering the faithfulness of God to His promises.

7 years ago I was given the penance to read the Gospel of Mark, and the verse that struck me right away was Mk 5:41 “Taking her by the hand He said to her, ‘Talitha cumi,’ which means, ‘little girl I say to you, arise.’” Instantly, I knew the Lord was talking to me. The first promise.

5 years ago hiding in my hospital bed, I was looking for a specific verse in Isaiah, but I ended up on Is 43:18-19 “Remember not the events of past, the things of old consider not; see I am doing a new thing! Do you not perceive it? In the wilderness I make a way, in the wasteland, rivers.” Once again, instinctively I knew this was for me. It was the beginning that Ced was talking to me about before going in. The second promise.

Over the last few months, the verse that I find myself repeating to myself over and over, especially in times of most anxiety, fear, and worry is Jer 29:11 “For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope.” The third promise.

This year I can’t help but cry as I look at this picture and reminisce on all the intense trapped darkness because I feel like I am now standing in the fulfillment of these promises He made to me so long ago. I just feel like He’s saying, “it’s time.” It’s finally time for me to rise up. It’s finally time for me to see this new thing He’s been building and shaping for me. It’s finally time for me to walk on the water. It’s time for me to rise out of my fear and reclaim the life and joy depression has stolen from me all those years. And in that rising, in that reclaiming, also comes the gift, the permission, the freedom to dream again and the grace and courage to pursue those dreams. Me! Me, dream again! It’s the most surreal experience that I could actually be free to walk into the light, dare to dream anew, and live unafraid of the consequences should failure come. Me! Unafraid! I just keep thinking, who the heck do I think I am that I could dream and live unafraid? That I could be free to live life joyfully again? To live bravely? To live unchained? Who am I? And I honestly can’t answer that. I can’t say I’m deserving. I can’t say to myself it is safe and possible. But the Lord in all His patience and authority just keeps saying, it is time. Today, once again in God’s providence, I happen to come across Dn 10:19 “Fear not, beloved, you are safe; take courage and be strong.” And I just feel like He’s like “Yes, you!” haha. What trips me up is realizing that healing isn’t always this big, extravagant thing. Sometimes, it’s the slow but steady work of God. Sometimes it’s just doing the work day in and day out, and being faithful to that work, and one day the Lord gives you the grace to see you’re already there. The fight is won, and you are free. No strings attached, no tricks. Just free. 

I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I’ll be honest, I’ve been fighting the Lord like “Are you sure??! bc I have no idea how to do life outside of this depressed world!” I feel like Rapunzel in Tangled, who dreams all those years of leaving her tower to pursue the lights. But once her chance has finally come and she’s able to taste a new, free life, guilt takes over her, and she goes back and forth if it was the right decision - Do I dare to believe my identity could be more than my depression? This reality I’ve known for so much of my life. Do I dare take the Lord up on His offer and leave my dark tower? - But as she keeps going and finally makes it to the boats, she admits she’s afraid, “what if it’s not everything I hoped it would be?…and what if it is?” To which she’s told, “that’s the good part, you get to dream a new dream.” And as things unfold, she suddenly finds herself unafraid. And that’s where I feel I am. It’s scary bc I don’t have all the answers, I don’t have it all completely mapped out like I’d like, but all I know is it is finally my time to arise. It’s time for me to feel that water as I step out of the boat. It's time to dare to dream again, dare to live life again, and this time walk along side our Lord every step of the way. Let Him dream His dreams through me. Let my dreams unite with His. And dare I admit, I’m actually getting excited about it! :)

It’s scary, and it calls for a new level of vulnerability, and I am begging everyday for the courage to lean into this new life. But at this point all I can say is I can’t believe I made it! I can’t believe it’s over! I can’t believe I survived! And I know I wouldn't be here if it weren’t for the countless prayer warriors I have out there, prayer warriors I’m not even aware of. All the prayers, the rosaries, the Masses, the holy hours that have been offered up for me. Graces I’m sure I will be unpacking for the rest of my life. And I most especially wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for those closest to me while I was in the thick of it. Special shout out to the Urginos, to my parents, to Ced and Rose, to Ming and King, and to Age - those that literally stopped their lives just to be by my side 5 years ago. And to Hyds and Anhel who dealt with every frantic text during that time (and who still do) and never tired of speaking truth to me. I’ve screenshotted so many of our texts, and I still go back to them every now and then on some of my hardest days. And of course to my therapists, my doctors, my spiritual directors. For carrying every heavy thought with me and never letting up. And finally, to all my Kuya and Ate Saints, I know it was you guys holding me up and keeping me close to the Lord when I couldn’t do it myself.

Glory to God through Mary! I have no idea what’s next, but thank You in advance for whatever happens from here. Let’s get it!  :)

LDM

[theorydryer0-blog]

111cryo.

3d Lipo Fat Freezing

Content

Skin tags create In The Creases & Folds Of The Skin:.

exist any Type Of dangers With Facelift surgery?

Skin Tag surgery (₤ *.

Aircast Cryo Cuff Cold therapy colder replacement 43" Water hose Tube Tested.

the Number Of therapies?

claim So lengthy Cellulite In just 8 Weeks! appeal guru Kate Shapland Shares Revolutionary advice.

Admin information.

Medical research studies have actually revealed reductions in pockets of fat following a fat freezing therapy, while showing to be a risk-free as well as reliable therapy. Cryolipolysis likewise referred to as fat freezing, fat freeze or 3D LIPO has actually become a prominent therapy throughout the world. Cryolipolysis is a non-invasive, non-surgical, clinically confirmed approach of targeting fat in problem areas using cooling technology. There is no discomfort, no recuperation time as well as treatments are suitable for ladies and also males or any ages. Fat freezing is an innovative treatment that can be used as a choice to lipo.

Generally of thumb, we typically recommend between 1 and also 3 therapies per area. If you are aiming to further minimize the area after your preliminary therapy then we would certainly have the ability to execute a 2nd Fat Freezing therapy after 8 weeks.

It is very important to note that the body is required to have a fat percent which is over a certain degree for it to be suitable for the fat freezing therapy. This is since the skin risks struggling with chilly burns if a person does not have the needed quantity of fat on their body in the targeted locations. This evaluation of the fat portion can be a vital part of the preliminary assessment before the treatment. The results of Cryolipolysis procedure were discovered by researchers as well as discovered that cooling down temperature levels would cause fat cells to die. They identified that when kids ate ice lollies they were creating dimples in their cheeks from fat loss.

Consume at least 2.5 litres of water/ fluid each day to sustain your lymphatic system 3. It may additionally help to decrease your intake of caffeine as well as alcohol Physical activity or workout is helpful on all levels for total health and wellness as well as weight management. Regular exercise additionally supports your lymphatic system as the pumping action of your muscle mass developed throughout activity and also task sustains the lymphatic flow. During the fat freezing treatment the skin is warmed up then swiftly cooled, utilizing sub-zero temperature, the procedure is frequently referred to as cryolipolysis or fat freezing, by applying reduced temperature levels. This fat freezing treatment is quick and hassle-free and lasts in between 20 to half an hour, without healing time. Nevertheless if you were to acquire a substantial quantity of weight, after that brand-new fat cells can create evenly all over the body, consisting of the cured area.

Skin tags establish In The Creases & Folds Of The Skin:.

Due to this, all fat reduction therapies at the Light Touch Clinic, including CoolSculpting, will only be taken on after an in person consultation. This health analysis will certainly always be carried out by among our medical aestheticians, where the complete list of cautions as well as contraindications will certainly be reviewed thoroughly with you. At your examination, the senior professional will undergo your body goals and transformation plan. After that at your first therapy your photograph will certainly be taken and recorded in order to track your fat reduction trip as well as guarantee you obtain the desired outcomes. The second photo will certainly be taken 6 weeks post-treatment, at this phase you are able to have a second session if you prefer.

What causes big stomach in females?

There are many reasons why people gain belly fat, including poor diet, lack of exercise, and stress. Improving nutrition, increasing activity, reducing stress, and making other lifestyle changes can all help people lose unwanted belly fat. Belly fat refers to fat around the abdomen.

After a cryolipolysis session, the dead fat cells are broken down as well as secreted. Cooltech Fat Freezing is a clinically rated risk-free maker, offering a properly controlled, non-invasive, non-surgical lipo, fat cell damaging treatment, in 70 mins to provide incredible fat decrease results with minimum pain. This therapy offers a fat loss service that calls for no surgery or downtime. Our professional, clinically educated, team have been doing safe and also efficient fat freezing treatments at our prize-winning Surrey facility since 2014. Cryolipolysis is a safe as well as reliable treatment for eliminating stubborn fat with fat freezing innovation. Below at our prize-winning Surrey center, we use CoolSculpting for all our fat freezing therapies as a result of its wonderful safety and security document and proven outcomes. Although rather rare, 'ice burns' are a concern with Cryolipolysis.

exist any Type Of dangers With Facelift surgery?

It should be emphasised, nevertheless, that you will not get up with an entirely various body. While the scientific research does work, it only assures a light distinction in appearance-- essentially, less bulge of the particular location, an enhanced midsection, a more contoured chin.

It is a hassle-free walk in, go out procedure in which we can deal with multiple body locations in one session, maintaining your center time to a minimum. That's why Fat Freezing is such a prominent choice to standard liposuction surgical procedure. Also referred to as fat freezing, cryolipolysis, non-surgical Lipo and also Coolsculpting this procedure utilizes an advanced cosmetic modern technology in which undesirable fat cells are frozen until they die. These crystalized subcutaneous fat cells are then reabsorbed by the body as well as flushed out as waste. After your first treatment, you'll be motivated to consume alcohol great deals of water and also continue working out as normal. Around 6-12 weeks later on, the fat cells that were frozen will certainly have been expelled from the body, leading to a 20%-- 40% decrease of fat in the chosen location.

Cryolipolysis is a non-invasive fat decrease and also 'body contouring' therapy, which utilizes a portable gadget to freeze fat cells below the skin. The treatment was created, remarkably, many thanks to the scientific research behind frostbite. Scientists became aware that fat cells actually ice up prior to the skin does, leading them to develop a treatment in which you could securely freeze, as well as hence get rid of, fat cells, without creating any damage to the skin or surrounding tissue. Fat freezing includes the application of a cooling paddle-like gadget to suck the tummy like a vacuum and also awesome fat cells down to a temperature around -9 ° C in order to set off cell death. As fat is a lot more temperature-sensitive than skin and other body cell types, the fat cells ice up prior to skin cells do. This non-invasive choice to lipo appropriates for mild but irreversible fat sculpting (" less protruding"). Just the fat cells are vulnerable to cool temperatures, so the adjoining cells remain unaffected.

Skin Tag surgical Treatment (₤ *.

UltraFormer - Facelifting Devise, that supplies focused ultrasound energy with precision creating coagulation guaranteeing positive professional outcomes promptly without downtime.

The device targets much deeper layers of the skin than various other treatments available on the market.

Nevertheless, we have a variety of other non-surgical facelift choices that might be more suited to you and your scenario.

The threads stay within the body after therapy, and as a natural action to the existence of an international short article, will certainly be bordered by a pill of collagen fibres.

Bodybuilding for Weight Loss is applicable to treat any component of the skin and body - for example, the face, neck, abdomen, buttocks, arms and knees.

If you have any type of questions, please do call our team in Nottingham, we're greater than delighted to assist.

If you have any of the list below conditions, HIFU is not currently an ideal skin tightening up treatment for you.

The adaptable high-tech material that the string is made of enables the doctor to model it at different depths.

Aircast Cryo Cuff Cold treatment colder replacement 43" Water tube Tube Tested.

Alternatively you can integrate your Cryolipolysis treatments with one of our other treatments such as a program of Exilis Elite for enhanced inch loss. Nevertheless, Fat Freezing is an one-of-a-kind therapy that produces a few strange experiences. At first you will feel the suction as the fat tissue is drawn upwards right into the device. Then, as the features they offer begins to ice up, the area will really feel cool and you may experience a prickling experience.

Does Body Sculpting really work?

Yes, body sculpting gets rid of fat cells and reduces the appearance of fat on targeted areas of the body. Whether using heat, cooling, or ultrasound, body sculpting treatments kill fat cells that are then excreted over the next couple of months, which is when you'll see full results.

However, due to the advanced modern technology of the CoolTech equipment as well as specialist knowledge of our specialists, the treatment will be essentially pain-free. During the treatment, a huge vacuum-like device will certainly be put on the details therapy area you desire fat to be reduced from. The location will certainly be cooled down to around -8 C to efficiently ice up fat without affecting the skin, muscles or capillary-- the rubbing procedure will after that begin once freezing has actually been achieved. In easy terms, CoolTech innovation essentially ices up fat cells without damaging the bordering skin, collagen production or elasticity. A non-invasive procedure, the frozen fat is rubbed till it's been effectively thawed out. After that, as soon as thawed, approximately half of these fat cells are then gotten rid of from the body through the lymphatic system over a duration of 8-12 weeks.

the Number Of treatments?

The procedure reduces those problematic fatty locations in a safe, pain-free way with resilient results. Surgical procedure can feature threats, however with fat freezing you can have the same effects without the invasive procedure. There have already been more than 250,000 treatments accomplished around the world as well as, with the treatment lasting just 70 mins with no down time whatsoever, fat freezing is the excellent choice for diet-resistant lumps and also bulges. Please keep in mind that this therapy helps you to efficiently lose inches as well as is not created for weight-loss. The number of fat freezing therapies you'll require will certainly depend on the preliminary size of the pocket to be dealt with, your private goals and also the results observed complying with each session.

With a little weight gain existing fat cells within the body are filled however those that have been eliminated can not be refilled as they are not there. Any kind of modest weight gain blog post treatment need to preserve the new more pleasing shape also if all over size increases. It's most ideal for those that have stubborn pockets of fat that diet regimen & exercise alone can not appear to decrease, usually those last little bits to go and also the very first ones to return, e.g. muffin tops, jelly stomaches or loose and flabby inner thighs. There are some groups who are not ideal, mostly with apparent medical body worrying symptoms or people with high around body fat as the number of treatments would make it expensive as well as the results, though there, would be much less noticeable. A common fat freezing treatment session will last regarding a hr. Whilst it's non-invasive and doesn't need the use of needles or scalpels, it can feel a little uncomfortable.

These feelings go away after 10-- 12 mins, allowing you to loosen up throughout of the treatment. As soon as the tool has actually been gotten rid of the treated area will really feel ice cool and numb. However, your body will quickly warm up the location and also the numbness will certainly go away not long after.

claim So lengthy Cellulite In simply 8 Weeks! elegance expert Kate Shapland Shares Revolutionary recommendations.

Cryolipolysis is medically shown to damage fat cells, without the demand for surgical treatment. Therapies fast, discomfort cost-free as well as there is no recovery time- in fact, the majority of Fat Freezing treatments are full within an hour!

Is Cryoskin FDA approved?

Is Cryoskin 2.0 FDA approved? No. But we are working on it.

Your last consultation consists after 12 weeks where your photos and weight will certainly be considered the last time to provide you an amazing before as well as after. Fat Freezing destroys fat cells in the cured location as well as those fat cells are removed from your body. Results will be lengthy long-term as long as you maintain a healthy and balanced weight. Whilst fat freezing damages fat cells, it does not get rid of all the fat cells in the cured area. As a result any kind of weight acquired after your treatment could adversely influence your results, as other fat cells could boost in dimension. At The Body Clinic we highly suggest that you keep a healthy weight, by healthy and balanced eating and regular activity. To ensure you support your body to achieve the most effective results feasible following your treatment you are encouraged to follow our aftercare recommendations.

At Dr Nyla, we use CoolSculpting to ice up body fat as well as remove it from the body. By utilizing the power of cooling down fat cells, this non-invasive weight management treatment flushes out destroyed fat cells. CoolSculpting fat reduction treatment is the best way to eliminate fat cells without going under the knife. With any non-invasive treatment, there is a really small possibility of difficulties.

Moreover, fat freezing treatments lug the remote threat of paradoxical adipose hyperplasia. This adverse reaction to the therapy causes the fat cells and therapy location ending up being bigger as opposed to smaller. Currently, non-invasive body sculpting has actually come to be the go-to treatment for celebs, professional athletes, and anyone that merely wishes to shift those stubborn locations of undesirable fat without spending hours in the gym or going under the knife.

[quitdeal1-blog]

Coolsculpting ® Uk

Vivo facility Birmingham Reviews

Content

more Fat Freezing information & advice:.

What You need To find Out About Femiwand Treatments

genital firm therapy checked!

getting Rid Of Skin Tags.

proof From clinical research Studies On The efficiency Of Laser Vaginal tightening.

spending For Your Own treatment.

Your doctor is there to pay attention thoroughly to you, and also to help you achieve the goals you desire. This additionally indicates allowing you recognize if your assumptions are not reasonable.

Do you poop when you die?

The body may release stool from the rectum, urine from the bladder, or saliva from the mouth. This happens as the body's muscles relax. Rigor mortis , a stiffening of the body muscles, will develop in the hours after death.

MACS has the advantage of smaller marks and also usually a much shorter healing time. If you determine to go on with the facelift, we'll allow at the very least two weeks between your assessment and also the date for surgery.

Modern innovation as well as refined techniques mean that a Mini Face-Lift operation currently lasts around 1 to 1.5 hours, it is painless and healing time is much faster. Only a short time back, we encouraged clients to wait till they actually could not endure signs of ageing and then, at an older age, have a full facelift. The patient would certainly be happy with the dramatic enhancement and also would be unlikely to call for any kind of further surgery. Currently patients are typically not searching for a major adjustment, but simply not to age. This treatment is particularly appealing as a result of the reduced threat that it presents.

Outcomes have actually been particularly excellent in younger individuals who do not want the threats and recovery time related to surgical treatment.

The HIFU is perfect for any individual from 18 years old, males and females.

The high intensity frequency ultrasound targets the same layer of skin addressed in plastic surgery, the SMAS, the superficial musculoaponeurotic system.

In addition to being totally non-invasive, the power of the HIFU treatment is instantly noticeable post-treatment.

The HIFU body therapies are an excellent remedy offering 3 treatments in one, skin firm, fat loss and also cellulite therapy.

You will see outcomes appear after around 3 months, when the collagen generation has begun to occur.

We are not able to do the treatment if you are expecting or breastfeeding.

Nonetheless, similar to all surgery, some complications are possible. Your cosmetic surgeon will talk about each of these risks comprehensively at your examination. We recommend people should have the ability to return to their typical everyday tasks after regarding one week - we would certainly advise a few day of rests of collaborate with the option of a full week should you require it as swelling is best throughout this time. We ask our people to be sensitive to their facial location as well as not to do way too much prematurely. We likewise suggest preventing UV light for 2 -4 weeks to help the scarring procedure. On the day of your treatment we ask that you arrive for your admission an hour prior to the agreed start time of surgery. Now a nurse will come and also tape-record high blood pressure as well as various other pertinent tests, you will meet with your anaesthetist as well as your cosmetic surgeon that will certainly make the final mark-ups.

additional Fat Freezing info & advice:.

What are the negative effects of CoolSculpting?

modern day software of CoolSculpting include:Tugging sensation at the treatment site. Pain, stinging, or aching at the treatment site. Temporary redness, swelling, bruising, and skin sensitivity at the treatment site. Paradoxical adipose hyperplasia at the treatment site.

Mini Facelift Surgical procedure aims to fix the indications of aging and also gravity, enhancing the appearance of the lower face as well as dewlaps with minimal threat and also downtime. The objective is to look fresh, a lot more vibrant without transforming you-- natural renewal!

What You required To know About Femiwand Treatments

Infection is infrequent (less than 0.5%) and will need a training course of suitable anti-biotics. Facial muscle mass weakness is uncommon, might affect the forehead or edge of the mouth and is temporary long lasting 6 weeks. Some altered feeling around the cheeks is expected and will frequently go back to normal in between 6 to 12 weeks after surgical procedure. At LBPS, we recognize that your decision to have Face surgical treatment can be a complicated and anxious time for you. Our objective is to completely comprehend your concerns and also needs, as well as examine your face accurately, prior to settling on a treatment plan which is in your benefit.

How many times can you do Cryolipolysis?

More than one session may be needed to achieve a person's desired results. If more than one treatment sessions is needed, the next session can't be performed until 6 to 8 weeks after the first session. This is because it can take this long for damaged fat cells to be eliminated from the body.

Bear in mind that these modern-day lifting procedures are often combined with fat transfer as well as stem cell transfer to restore quantity in the best places as well as invigorate the skin. This treatment starts with the making of a small incision below each ear. The connective cells listed below the skin is drawn and held back to create a subtle architectural lift in your jawline and neck. Historically, face-lift operations have actually been lengthier treatments, leading to greater discomfort degrees and longer recovery time.

People who do not have excess skin due to laxity, typically do not call for a Mini Facelift, most of these clients will certainly take advantage of Mid-Face Training or Silhouette Face Raise or non intrusive face renewal. The procedure which is best fit to your objectives will certainly be identified at your examination. Your result can bring back confidence and boost self-esteem. Many people are back to their routine routines after just a few days. Additionally, the smallness of the face lacerations implies that your skin's recovery procedure will be quicker also.

genital tightening Up therapy checked!

Usual to all surgeries there are constantly dangers associated with surgical treatment. Bruising can take place as well as might take 2 weeks to fix, while major bleeding is unusual.

removing Skin Tags.

With this strategy, the specialist will certainly make a smaller laceration that does not reach the ear. The incision is a lot more superficial and also does not go under the SMAS layer. This technique is much less extensive than the SMAS technique, so is much better fit to dealing with milder laxity of facial skin.

If for any reason you disagree for Mini Facelift surgery, you will be advised against this form of surgical procedure. We will provide you with all the info you require and also sustain in the past, during and after your surgical procedure.

The benefits of this technique is smaller sized scars and also a shorter recuperation time. A facelift can give you a more vibrant, rejuvenated look. As we age, our skin slowly sheds its elasticity and our face muscle mass subside. This creates the appearance of old and wrinkly, drooping skin, specifically on the face. Way of living variables such as sun exposure as well as stress can additionally contribute to these changes. This can impact your confidence and also make you look older than you really feel. Hence, a facelift intends to restore the vigor in your appearance.

proof From professional researches On The efficiency Of Laser Vaginal firm.

The Principle ™ Facelift is not limited by age; nevertheless, people in their twenties are unlikely to have the loose skin and age-related modifications that can take advantage of a facelift. A common age where people existing often tends to be around 50, especially for ladies. That's since the hormone modifications of the menopause can impact the appearance. Most of Bella Vou's patients age from late 40s to 55 and also state that they feel they look worn out and desire a much more rejuvenated appearance.

I was exceptionally satisfied with the treatment as well as treatment I got at the Cadogan Center. My specialist was friendly as well as helpful and explained the treatment completely. My treatment went quite possibly and with the outstanding treatment of the nursing staff, I made a speedy as well as full healing. The Mini-Facelift is an excellent treatment for people intending to reverse the indicators of ageing and attain a much more youthful look without undergoing a complete facelift treatment. A mini - lift can be made with marginal aggravation, scars and risk.

Bella Vou provides customers a distinctively individual strategy to plastic surgery. The modern facility gives the very newest surgical, aesthetic, as well as aesthetic treatments in a posh, comfortable, and welcoming environment in the heart of the gorgeous historical community of Royal Tunbridge Wells. The advanced Concept ™ Facelift is exclusively offered at Bella Vou. The cutting-edge, trademarked strategy was developed by the clinic's prominent surgeon as a much less intrusive choice to traditional facelift surgical treatment and attracts customers from around the world. An additional type of facelift surgery is called very little accessibility cranial suspension. Shorter cuts, compared to a standard facelift, are made in the holy place and also in front of the ears. Coarse tissues under the skin are tightened with irreversible stitches that are taken care of to cells close to the cheekbone or the coarse connective cells under the skin.

If you select to proceed with surgical procedure, the following time you come into the Clinic after your last consultation will certainly be the day of your procedure. new Lipo 360 offerings was treated with care as well as given with thorough knowledge regarding the procedure I was taking on. My doctor was really methodical as well as I felt I obtained A class therapy.

The dimension and location of the marks will differ according to the technique utilized. Ensure you have actually talked about with your doctor what scarring you can anticipate. A lot of marks will certainly be very little as well as your surgeon will certainly make them as discreet as possible. How much they fade will rely on the healing capability of your skin.

Your surgeon can additionally give you some pointers on how you need to take care of your wounds, to reduce the scarring you are left with. During your facelift consultation, we suggest that you are as open as feasible with your cosmetic surgeon.

[willel]

Will and El storylines

This is a straightforward picture of how I view their development.

El

El’s main antagonist is Brenner. Brenner is the one that has caused the series we call Stranger Things to happen. Due to his cold and endless scientific curiosity, he has forever tainted their world with the Upside Down. There may never be a day where they achieve peace because of him.

Not only did Brenner take El as a newborn, not even allowing Terry to hold or touch her own baby, he stripped her of her name and raised her mostly alone in a cold laboratory. 

Although we don’t know the age at which the experiments and testing started, it is all El knew. The most warmth she’s ever had was 1 stuffed animal toy, occasionally getting a story read to her, and getting to draw 1 picture. 

After Brenner caused El to open the gate into the Upside Down, El took her fate into her own hands and escaped. She ran as hard as she could and found two safe havens. First Benny, who was killed for trying to help her, and then The Party. 

There, she continued to decide her own destiny. She put her foot down when she needed to, refusing to let Lucas and Mike inform their parents. But, she was also on her own mission. She was searching for someone, someone she didn’t even realize was associated with the boys who helped her. 

The show doesn’t delve into how she knew Will before she met the boys, but the comic illustrates she caught a glimpse of him on the other side and vice versa.

Now with the pieces all in place, El, in her own way, tries to undo her “wrongs”. She wants to help the boys to find Will. Safely. In the end, she does. At a price. For a while, she can’t be with her friends and Mike anymore. She’s lost her safe haven, but soon finds another in Hopper. 

As we know, things with Hopper aren’t all sparkles and rainbows. As time marches on, El grows more and more frustrated and she starts seeing things in Hopper she doesn’t want to see. She sees traits of Brenner and what he did to her. While Hopper is nowhere near as bad as Brenner, it’s easy to see someone who experienced as much trauma as El can see the similarities. So she ditches Hopper to find a new safe haven. 

She finds her mother. Alive. But broken. Another piece of her life broken by Brenner that may never be fixed. She can’t fix this one, at least, not right away. Instead, she tries to follow her mother’s wishes, which leads her to her third safe haven. Kali. 

Kali is just like her. They were tortured by the same man, both stolen away from their parents. They found a new family to feel safe with. But, there’s a key difference between Kali and El. Kali heart is hard as stone. She’s been hurt one too many times. Her fear and rage fuel her to be on the offence against the people who hurt her instead of the defense. El tries to follow in her footsteps, but she can’t. She doesn’t want to split up families like they did to her and Kali. 

It happens again. Brenner returns, but it’s a manifestation of Kali’s powers. El and Kali are so alike, Kali knows El’s pain and can use it against her. It’s always Brenner who is her greatest fear. Her and Kali too.

When she closed the gate, who is it that pushed her over the edge to make one last huge push? Brenner.

It always comes back to one person. Brenner. Even when he’s supposedly dead, he has affected El’s life forever. If he is still alive, I think even the big bad Mind Flayer won’t personally affect El as much as Brenner has. Even when El inevitably has to fight the Mind Flayer, I just can’t see it cutting as deep as Brenner. She can fight the Mind Flayer. It’s just a monster out to destroy her world. Brenner? His pain cuts much deeper, fighting him isn’t as easy. 

El’s foe is Brenner. 

Will

Will’s antagonist is the Upside Down, and the embodiment of the Upside Down, the Mind Flayer. Of course, he shares this antagonist with literally everyone. The difference between the others and himself is they’re on the outside looking in, and he’s on the inside looking out. If that makes sense.

Will’s story will be a little faster to write. Probably. 

Will was once a normal kid with a jacked up family. Despite this, he’s made the best of it. He has good friends. A good brother. And a very supportive caring mom. Good grades. Interesting hobbies. Although things aren’t great with his dad, I think Will was content with the life he once had. 

But, everything changed when he ran into the Demogorgon that night. He was kidnapped to an alternate dimension for a week and somehow managed to escape death right up till near the end. He was saved thanks to El’s help. 

Will comes back home, but things still aren’t the same no matter how hard he tries. He’s having visions. Nausea. Nightmares. Panic attacks. How many sleepless nights did he have? How many times did he crawl into bed with Jonathan and Joyce or vice versa? He’s 12 going on 13 year old and probably feels like a small child again. Despite all this, for a while, Will is able to gain at least a little normalcy.

As the anniversary of the events comes closer, all that normalcy is washed down the drain. The Upside Down came back for him and overtook him. “I felt it... everywhere. Everywhere...” Imagine how traumatizing that is, being unable to move as you’re overwhelmed with what looks like smoke. Possibly unable to breathe or scream. The torture didn’t end there. Every waking moment he didn’t feel right. Stuff that probably would’ve been enjoyable, like a hot bath, instills fear in him. But it’s not HIS fear, it’s someone elses. 

Then he gets thoughts. But not his thoughts, someone elses. Memories. Visions. Feelings. Everything. All belonging to someone else. Feeling it all the time, unable to stop it. It’s worse than invasion of personal space, his person is no longer his own. Something or something else is in his body. The Mind Flayer knows everything about him and uses it against the people he loves. He no longer has control over anything, not even his own voice. 

In season 2, slowly but surely, Will loses his fight against the Mind Flayer/The Upside Down. Once again, he is rescued by his mother and his brother through a painful and intense exorcism. 

El seals the deal and saves everyone by closing the gate, locking the Mind Flayer out. 

The Intersection

The part that interests me on a deeper level is not necessarily how similar El and Will are as people, which they are, but how similar their personal antagonist are. 

Brenner and The Upside Down/Mind Flayer have both changed Will and El’s lives in personal irreversible ways. Yes, Brenner is technically everyone’s enemy. So is the Mind Flayer. But who have they done the most damage to? The answer is obvious. 

Controlling. Manipulative. Forcing them to do things they don’t want to do. Knowing everything about them and using it as a weapon to cut deeper. Brenner and the Mind Flayer are big contributing factors as to why Will and El are so alike excluding their natural calm and quiet demeanor. 

The Future 

So what does this mean? Why does it matter? All of this boils down to how the cast are going to take out the two big bads. Brenner, and the Mind Flayer. I don’t think El can do both all alone and she shouldn’t have to. She has friends and family now to support her.

El is weak to Brenner, but with her powers can fight the Mind Flayer. 

Will is weak to the Mind Flayer, but Brenner has no hold over Will’s psyche.

I think both these big baddies will need the whole group to help take them down just like the previous seasons, but I also think there’s some importance for the main people affected get the final blow.

El getting to slap or punch Brenner? El getting to throw him against a wall? El getting to tell him off to his face??? I want this to happen for her. I want her to get her chance to take down her big bad, the one person who ruined her life. She deserves her moment. Kali too, I’m not sure how Kali fits into this, but a team up of her and Kali getting a few licks in? That’d be good too. 

As for Will, this place has been haunting him for years. It’s stolen years of his life and continues to bother him, his friends, and his family even still. I think Will deserves to have his winning moment as well. He’s not El. I don’t think any power he has will be able to do anything to the Mind Flayer. Not like El can. No, I want Will to be the one that crafts the ultimate plan that takes out the Mind Flayer for good. I want Will to be the brains, and for the others to use his blueprint to win. 

I always visualize it as the Mind Flayer and Will on opposite sides of a chessboard. And on Will’s chessboard, El would he his queen piece, the strongest piece on the board. Oof, that’s so cool to me. It really ties into that scene with Joyce and Will at the table for lunch and in response to Joyce’s question, he says, “Sometimes, the bad guys are smart too.” 

(note: I do think Will could help El with Brenner, but Brenner feels like more a Mike and Hopper problem for now)

The Powers

Onto the powers thing, my favorite thing to talk about. Over the last year or so, I’ve thrown out all kinds of theories about what powers Will could have and why. I probably have hundreds of posts, some serious, some not. As season 3 grows closer, I think I’ve settled on what they are. 

Clairvoyance or the power to feel ones intentions. A general sensitivity to things. A heightened sense of empathy. 

Something Upside Down related is headed towards Hawkins again? Will would be the first to feel it. 

Something supernaturally bad is happening in Hawkins? Will could point out where on a map or draw it out. 

Meets someone who seems sketchy? His gut would be able to accurately confirm or deny any suspicions. 

Need to peek into the Upside Down (or possibly other dimensions?), Will can use True Sight. 

True sight includes being immune to illusions, so Kali’s power might not work on him. 

As you can see, none of these powers are out of this out of this world crazy or bonkers. None of them conflict with El’s powers either. These are all things Will has done before and while being possessed by the Mind Flayer. Season 3 will show us exactly how much is him and how much belongs to the Mind Flayer. 

It’s also interesting to note that Joyce displayed a few of these traits too and she has nothing to do with the Mind Flayer. As season 2 has showed us with Terry, the writers are following the Montauk Project blueprint in how powers are acquired. Genetics. Trauma. And drugs. 

Whenever I speculate Will’s powers, I never think about it as, “What power can make Will just as powerful as El or stronger?” It can’t work like that. You see, El was an experiment. Day in and day out, the laboratory focused solely on making her power stronger. It’s unnatural. There is probably no other psychic more powerful than El and Kali. They are the equals in that regard, not Will and El.

When I speculate about Will’s powers, I think, “What power could Will have that would fill in gaps El doesn’t so they can be a team?” 

In season 2, El’s power revealed a huge gaping hole. She can only see the people she’s searching for or have met/seen before. So when they went to kill Ray, El did not know he had daughters and could not see them. This blindsided the gang and inevitably put a bigger target on their back. 

So what power do I think could have helped El cover he bases better? Someone who can help her not just see one person, but maybe everyone in the area she’s looking at. 

Think about what Will was doing while the Mind Flayer possessed him. It was kinda similar to El where he could remote view what was going on. But he didn’t need to know all those soldiers to see them dying. He saw the whole area, their whole trip down into the tunnels. The catch is, his vision was tied to what the Mind Flayer was seeing. The only time Will used their connection to see what he wanted to see absent of the Mind Flayer is during the search for Hopper.

So imagine this same concept applied to an El and Will team up. Will can see what El can see. She can go anywhere she wants if she knows the person she’s looking for, but Will, through her, can help see not just the one person, but everyone they’re with and their surroundings instead of a black void. A booster for El’s existing powers. 

I imagine Will is a booster. Not particularly strong on his own like any other natural psychic, but with a skill set that boosts the effectiveness of other psychics. The team buffer. 

I love the concept. I don’t think I’ve ever written about it here because I’ve been saving it for my fic you see. A fic that will take forever to write, so why not. The one time I’ve alluded to it is my Bathtub Theory.

The Ships

I just want to get this out of the way. Byler shippers? Mileven shippers? I’m not on either of your teams. My blog doesn’t exist to boost your ships. Whatever ship happens doesn’t really matter to me. At all. I’m agnostic. I’m not out to get you, but the posts I make also aren’t meant to be evidence for shipping.

I’m not crafting theories and posting about parallels because I’m trying to make Will and El compete for Mike. Or to make Will the one and only main character. Or to reduce the importance of other characters and story lines. I’m making these posts because I feel like these parallels and similarities are going to mean something for the plot against the bad guys and them as characters. 

I make Will and El comparisons to Mike sometimes not even to stress how important Mike is to them, but to show how the characters end up treating them similarly because of their circumstances. I use it as proof both of them have an extraordinary role in the group on purpose. The two oracles. The ones the group will turn to when stuff starts going down.

This willel blog? It’s a sideblog. This is where I put most of my Will and El love. My love for other characters that aren’t the Byers/Hoppers are on my main blog which I don’t really advertise because that’s what what you’re here for. This blog is compartmentalized love for two main characters out of ... however many we have now. 20. I bet many of you didn’t even know my second favorite character under Will is actually my dearest action hero son Lucas Sinclair whose story line I can’t wait to see this season. 

The only kid ship I KINDA care about is Luxmax. And that’s ok people. We don’t all need to care or love the same things, you know? That would make a boring uncreative fandom. It’s not about the ships for me. It’s not. It never has been. I made this blog because there were no Will and El blogs at the time, only ships. 

Conclusion

I love my potential siblings. I think they have a lot in common and can relate with one another in ways the others can’t. They aren’t the same people. They don’t even have the same beef with the main antagonist of the series. They don’t have the same powers. They don’t have the same life experiences. They don’t have the exact same personality. Although similar, they don’t have the same trauma. 

They’re parallels. The definition of parallel is “side by side and having the same distance continuously between them” or “a person or thing that is similar or analogous to another.” Or, analogous, “performing a similar function but having a different evolutionary origin, such as the wings of insects and birds.”

You see that? Side by side. Similar. Analogous. Not same. Carbon copy. Identical.

They’re twins. My mom and aunt are twins. They have so many similarities including their face, but are also have a huge gaping canyon between their personalities. They aren’t the same person and that’s never what I’ve pushed here.

Please understand, I love Will and El because well, I always gravitate towards stories like theirs. Two people completely unrelated and barely even know each other brought together by supernatural forces and managed to work together to take down the big bads with their friends/family. For me, it’s like found family to the extreme. I love it. I always fall for it.

I have so much fun crafting theories about their powers. I have fun coming up with fluffy or angsty headcanons about them. I have fun thinking of big family Hopper-Byers scenarios and making gifsets. This is what I enjoy personally. 

I know you guys are having your ship war, but please leave me out of it. I’m not involved. Leave my posts out of it. Ok? I’m tired of it, you know? The other day it really depressed me. I felt like all my love for Will and El was being misinterpreted as existing only to stir up ship wars. I contemplated hiding my blog for a while until my rage passed over, but at the end of the day, I don’t have the energy to be mad. I’m just sad. 

My one wish is for Will and El not to receive hate because of ships because you know what? That’s the worst possible outcome possible for season 3. They don’t deserve it. 

[pamphletstoinspire]

The Death Penalty and the Myth of Closure

Many argue that the death penalty can help survivors move on with their lives. However, this counselor writes that true healing can happen only when we learn to "walk with the pain."

The death penalty has been with us for millennia. If you take the time to read the Old Testament, you will find that the death penalty was widely accepted. We find in the words of Exodus the justification invoked to this day to defend the use of executions: “You shall give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe” (21:23–25).

This is known as Mosaic law and is an integral part of our legal system. And yet Jesus came to challenge it: “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on [your] right cheek, turn the other one to him as well” (Mt 5:38–39).

What a truly radical notion! In the Old Testament, one sees that violence was a way of life, and execution was a primary tool for meting out justice. But Jesus sweeps that all away.

As with many things Jesus said, excuses have been made and qualifiers added: Love your enemy . . . except when he is a murderer. Then you are justified to kill him, a conclusion that sounds very much like Mosaic law.

Desire for Vengeance Is Real

On the other hand, even if we accept Jesus’ teaching, turning the other cheek is not that simple. I can’t simply say, “Well, Patterson, you claim to be a Christian, so you must love your enemy and oppose the death penalty.” I also understand the desire for vengeance.

Some years ago when I was an Army psychologist, I was tasked with evaluating a man arrested for beating his 3-month-old stepdaughter within an inch of her life on Christmas Eve. It had already been determined that the child suffered irreversible brain damage. As I was interviewing the man, I received a call from the pediatric ICU informing me she had also been blinded. I hung up and told this man that news. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh, well.”

In that moment, I wanted to jump across my desk, grab him by the throat, and beat him within an inch of his life! As I think about him almost 40 years later, I have the same feeling. I am not proud of that, but it also helps me to be sensitive to the feelings of survivors when it comes to discussions of the death penalty. It reminds me to be sensitive to survivors’ need for justice and, possibly, vengeance.

Many justifications for executions set aside the language of Mosaic law and focus on possible benefits for the surviving family. One doesn’t so much hear the word vengeance in such discussions, but one does hear the word closure. A common justification for the death penalty is that it provides closure for the family.

When Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to death, the mayor of Boston expressed the hope that “this verdict provides a small amount of closure.” Similarly, when the decision was made to allow survivors of the Oklahoma City bombing to witness the execution of Timothy McVeigh, Attorney General John Ashcroft stated that he hoped the execution would help survivors “meet their need to close this chapter in their lives.”

Whether executions provide closure depends on what we mean by that word. For most of us, closure implies a completion or conclusion. When a corporation announces store closures, that means those stores are no longer operational. So, in discussing the process of grief and trauma, closure would seem to imply a conclusion—the suggestion that there is an end point to grieving.

This expectation of closure is sometimes supported within a person’s social network. At this time, I am counseling several parents of children who committed suicide. All have commented on encountering, either directly or indirectly, the message “Aren’t you over it by now?”

Think for a moment of the people in your life you have lost. Are you no longer grieving? If I think of loved ones who are gone, I become aware that I may be grieving those losses for the rest of my days. My grief may not be as intense as it was at the time of the loss. But reminders of someone’s absence in my life help me see that grief goes on, that there is no closure in the sense of conclusion to my grief. There’s no point at which I dust myself off and say, “OK, I’m done missing that person.”

The Myth of Closure

In her book Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What It Costs Us, Professor Nancy Berns makes the compelling argument that the concept of closure has emerged within a political context to justify the death penalty and as a “made-up concept: a frame used to explain how we respond to loss.” It has become such a common word in discussions about grief that people assume it exists and is within their reach. In fact, its prevalence reflects the hope we all have that we can heal from the devastation of tragedy and trauma.

For some, closure means the conclusion to a very public process of crime, arrest, trial, and multiple appeals. Anecdotal evidence suggests that indeed the execution provides that sense of closure. But the word closure also implies healing and completion. Evidence suggests that not only does the death penalty not facilitate healing but, in fact, may interfere with it.

In his 2007 study of families of murder victims, Scott Velum found that only 2.5 percent indicated a strong sense of closure resulted from the execution of the murderer. A study published in the Marquette Law Review compared survivors’ reactions in Minnesota and Texas. Killers in Minnesota were sentenced to life imprisonment, an outcome that was experienced as satisfying by survivors. Texas survivors were less satisfied by death penalty verdicts, in large part because of the prolonged appeals process.

As Bill and Denise Richards, parents of a 9-year-old boy killed in the Boston Marathon bombings, wrote in the Boston Globe, asking that the government not seek the death penalty, “The continued pursuit of that punishment could bring years of appeals and prolong the most painful day of our lives.”

Jody Madeira worked with and studied survivors of the Oklahoma City bombings. In her book Killing McVeigh: The Death Penalty and the Myth of Closure, she noted that Timothy McVeigh’s execution did not provide the kind of closure some survivors may have hoped for. As one survivor noted, “There won’t be closure till I am dead.”

The Path to Healing

Are survivors then simply left in anguish, or is some form of healing possible? Perhaps rather than talking about closure, we should be talking about healing.

Sociologist Loren Toussaint suggests that healing is possible through the process of forgiveness. Madeira agrees that forgiveness can help but argues that it is not the only path to healing. This is a delicate topic that must be approached carefully and without judgment. Forgiveness can indeed help survivors heal, but it isn’t that simple. Forgiveness is a process, one that can last a lifetime.

First, let’s be clear on what forgiveness isn’t. Forgiveness does not mean condoning—a distinction relevant to people dealing with someone on death row. Forgiveness does not minimize what was done. The bombings in Boston will never be acceptable. The 9/11 attacks can never be dismissed in terms of the personal trauma. The murder of a loved one will never be OK. After all, the God of my understanding is indeed a God of mercy, but also a God of justice.

Then there is the common phrase forgive and forget. Not only is that often not possible, but in some cases it’s not a good idea. If someone has assaulted me, I may need to forgive that person, but it may not be a good idea for me to invite him or her over for dinner. That person may have no remorse and might assault me again.

The first step in forgiving is making the decision to forgive. The important thing to realize in making this decision is that the person who will benefit most from forgiving is the forgiver. Forgiving frees the forgiver from all the negative venom of hatred and resentment. Essentially, to forgive is to reclaim power from the forgiven. Professor Madeira quotes Oklahoma City bombing survivor Bud Welch as saying about forgiving Timothy McVeigh: “I was the one that got relief from all this pain . . . and it wasn’t about McVeigh.”

Sometimes we confuse forgiveness with reconnecting with someone in a loving way. That reconnecting is a decision that I may make after I have forgiven. I also have the option of not having the offender in my life. In other words, to forgive doesn’t necessarily mean to reconcile with someone.

To forgive means I also have to face all my rage and anger, all my thoughts of vengeance. We can’t sidestep the emotions. I have sat with some people who experienced tragedy or trauma and afterwards stated, rather flatly, “I’ve forgiven that person,” without any acknowledgment of the pain inflicted by that person. This to me is an intellectual exercise, not an experience of true forgiveness.

Learning to Walk with the Pain

In exploring alternatives to the prevalent concept of closure, we also need to broaden our understanding of grief. The concept of closure may have its roots in Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ famous five stages of dying. That theory has been broadened to include grief. The fifth stage is acceptance. Like closure, this notion has many meanings.

What does it mean to accept the death of a loved one? Again, some kind of finality is suggested, a sort of conclusion to the grieving. I have sat with persons who judged themselves because they did not feel they were finished grieving. Others had well-meaning friends and relatives suggest they should be “over it by now” or that they hadn’t “accepted” the death because they were still grieving.

Over the years I have dealt with many people who came to see me because someone else was concerned about them or, more often, because they themselves questioned whether they were grieving correctly.

I recall one beautiful woman who came to see me after the death of her husband of 50-plus years. She was concerned whether she was grieving correctly. She stated that well-meaning friends had given her a stack of books on grieving. Not wanting to disappoint anyone, she read them all. When I asked what she thought after all that reading, she told me: “I’m completely confused. They contradict one another.”

So what did I do? I gave her a book to read! Only it wasn’t an edition of Grieving for Dummies. It was C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, his journal written the first year after the death of his beloved wife, Joy. The book has no easy answers, and, at its conclusion, it is clear that Lewis will continue to grieve. There is no nice, clean ending. No closure. Only Lewis trying to learn to walk with the pain.

In dealing with losses in my own life, what works for me is to view grieving as a process of learning to walk with the pain. This suggests that, because of a particular loss, my life is changed forever. I am challenged to find a way to move forward living my life as well as possible while at the same time carrying the loss. This is especially true for those who’ve lost a loved one through some criminal act, be it murder or terrorism.

To learn to walk with the pain has several facets. One is to make the decision not to let the trauma define the loved one’s life. It is to affirm that I will not be known as the parent of that girl or boy who was murdered. Rather, I will be known as the parent of a child who touched lives in a beautiful way before leaving life much too soon.

Another facet of walking with the pain is to facilitate the loved one’s legacy. Such legacies may take the form of charitable donations or even the establishment of a charity. Others might establish a scholarship fund. Some get tattoos or plant trees. Such actions don’t make pain go away, but they create a legacy that has some meaning.

For me, acceptance means acknowledging that life is now different, and that I will be walking with this pain until I meet my loved one again in a better place. That may be the only real closure.

By Richard B. Patterson, PhD

[rourhksapocolypse]

alright, time for a tale.

A few days ago, I noticed the battery light on my dashboard blinking, complete with a Check Engine light on. A quick bit of Google-Fu later, and I'm thinknig it's the top result: A bad Alternator.

this concerned me, but i wasn't going to just go to the store and check the warning code; breaking a habit like "Go straight home" is hard to do. It's a repetitive motion where you stop thinking until after it's done without a reminder - at which point, you can't alter the habit because you've already done it, so it'll wait until tomorrow or necessity.

Add a few more days to a week. Today, I go, get gas for my empty tank, prepare to turn on the car - nothing.

No reaction whatsoever.

Car is dead in the water.

Welp.

So I wait an hour, end up helping an old lady after buying dinner and a set of jumper cables, then the old lady helps me by jumping my car. No Check Engine, full tank, but not sure if problem is gone yet.

So I go to the nearby O'Reilly's, yep, second diagnosis says bad alternator. Could buy one there, but it would have to be shipped to Colo Spgs from Denver, and it'd be $150.

Apprehensive,jpg

In the end, I don't buy the alternator there. So I wander, and with help I get some fuel system cleaner (soot build up can hurt milleage, might as well clean that up) and fresh window wipers, since I'd probably partially trashed the ones I had because I'd only replaced one and used both on ice before my heat was fixed.

Got that squared away, nice since it's the rainy season.

Get on the highway, no check engine light, but confirmed that the battery light flickering at 3 thousand rpms was still there. Almost home, turned in towards home, glance at my pphone and realize/remember: I was supposed to go to NAPA nearby. that was the plan I made with mom.

Tires will wait till tomorrow anyway.

So I turn three times, go towards napa, realize there's an O'Reillys next to NAPA and the new-ish Dairy Queen that's popped up in the last two years (rural Colorado, this is still kinda unexpected, but it's not like we don't have the space out there), so I turn into O'Reillys.

I already know that if it's not in stock like at the Colo Spgs store, they can order it from Denver, whereas NAPA was unknown. So I go in, get the alternator and an extra belt because I don't know what state mine's in and an extra isn't a bad idea anyway, proceed to stare at my alternator.

I am bad at being a Guy, because I don't have tools. How am I going to fix this?

then the other counter guy, Ivan, comes out, we talk, there's a battery / alternator tester box we try, everything checks out, then power cuts as me and mom communicate and confuse each other because I can only juggle three things at a time and there's more than three things happening. Also my phone is being unhelpful, because Phone app isn't working right.

First we think it's the starter, then she asks her friend for help and there's more communication and confusion, Ivan notices my hand job with the wiring on the battery from two years ago as he's cleaning off built up battery acid on the positive end of the battery.

Red wire is just fine. Black wire is loose and missing the tightening nut.

Cue instant problem solving.

In the end, the solution is simple: Tighten Black Wire connection and put on new nut.

When I got home, I remembered episode 1 of House M.D. At the very end, after 30 minutes of troubles, the solution is just 2 pills. Same kind of feeling of simplicity and relief as this one missing nut.

God used his plans of making me confident enough to make decisions for myself to skip out on a semi-irreversible purchase, getting other necessities, a new utility knife to replace my old belt knife (after some happy teasing drama about "that is a shiny knife I want it," "Do you even need a knife?" "No, I have plenty and lost more but it's Shiny, I want it!" did not buy that super shiny and probably sharp ten dollar knife), and a simple fix to a simple problem.

And that's my drama for today. Thanks for listening! :}

[sanderssidesprompts]

Restless ( Sanders Sides Fic )

Virgil sigh to himself as he leaned his back against the kitchen counter as he clutched a cup of juice between his hands. He carefully tucked the glass between his lips before taking a sip before lowering it down once again. He wasn't really thirsty to be honest, he just needed a reason to come downstairs so early in the morning. 

Virgil had woken up once again to an empty, cold spot on the bed right next to him where Roman's warm body was supposed to lay. At this point it had become almost routine. Wake up around 2 Am and 4 Am only to find your fiance gone. Sometimes he would even go to sleep alone. Although as stated earlier it had become almost routine at this point, but that didn't change the fact that with every moment Roman wasn't laying next to him, he became more restless. He had trouble sleeping and tended to try and hug the pillows, or place a line of pillows behind him to give him the illusion of Roman being there, next to him.

It wasn't all bad though, because even with all this it just meant he never took Roman's presence to granted, and once Roman got back he could always feel his chest well up with joy, especially on the longer trips that Roman would take sometimes that could last up to 2 weeks. 

He specifically remembers this one time Roman had come back from a month long trip. He had been in the living room lounging on the couch with Disney music playing in the back-round, because it reminded him of Roman and he connected Roman to Happiness. So if he could't ravish in Roman's presence he could at-least dwell on the things Roman likes. It was at that moment he was tackled unexpectedly, making him shriek in absolute surprise, although some-how he knew that it was Roman, at the back of his mind.

When he had looked up to look at Roman, he was greeted with the most pure expression it made him fall in love all over again. Roman had tears welling up in his eyes and the most dorky grin ever known to man kind gracing his face, a slight flush on his cheeks as he looked down at Virgil with an adoring, loving expression on his face.

But every-night, even with the cold bed or lack of a body next to him, it wasn't what kept him up in a cold sweat all night or woke him up. He was worried about Roman, constantly. It wasn't uncommon for Roman to come back home with some bruises and scratches and Virgil worried that one day Roman will come home and an irreversible injury, or worst yet, someone to come and tell him of his fiance's passing...

That is what truly kept him up every night, only to open the door one day and find a dead Roman on his porch, or blood lining the floors on their house as he goes to find his lover with a missing limb, or even the messenger coming to inform Virgil or his death...

Virgil suddenly heard the front door open and close softly, making him perk up slightly. He placed his glass of apple juice down on the counter and pushed himself off of the counter before standing on his own two feet. Before he could walk over to the entrance to greet his loved one at 3:45 Am in the morning, his lover walked inside the kitchen, and it wasn't what Virgil was expecting in the least.

Roman was absolutely covered in blood and there was a clear, long gash running along the right side of his abdomen with a number of other cuts and bruises lining the rest of his body, and god know's what else under his princely suit. The horror before him could almost compare to the expression on Roman's face. His back as hunched over as his hand clutched his side tightly in a futile attempt to dim the pain or stop the bleeding and his eyes were drained of their usually energy, joy and wonder. Now they just held despair, pain and bags under them, further proving he was absolutely exhausted.

Virgil could't help the gasp the swept through his lips as he took in his lover before rushing over towards him, instantly starting to fret over him as he felt anxiety well up in his chest and into his throat as he rushed through his words.

" Oh my god, Ro, What happened? Did you WALK here?! Oh god you need to sit down your bleeding so much come on, come on " Virgil said, his words seeming to trip over the others as he carefully guided his fiance towards a kitchen chair to sit on. His lover, who would usually insist that he was fine was uncharacteristically obedient in this situation as he seated himself down without another word, his gaze  pointed towards his pants.

Virgil, even in his rush saw this and carefully tilted Ro's head up, forcing him to look into his eyes before. Roman seemed to take notice of the anxiety swimming in his lovers eyes before sending him a weak smile before finally speaking up.

" I'm fine darling, can you just go get the med-kit? " Ro asked, his voice sweet and soothing, clearly trying to hide the pain simply to calm his lover down and not make him panic. Virgil swiftly nodded and rushed off towards the bathroom to gather up the med-kit that he sometimes checked over and over again just to soothe his anxiety of not having the right supplies or enough of it the inevitable day Roman came back home half-way to death's door. 

Virgil sped out of the room and back into the kitchen and placed the med-kit down on the dining table with his shaking hands, since he had so much adrenaline rushing through his body he really could't held it, they were sweaty as well but he didn't bother to notice. 

Virgil glanced over at Roman who had already stripped his shirt off, knowing what was to happen next and probably saving time to get this wound tended to. He looked at Roman and picked up the rubbing alcohol and some cotton swabs only to have his hands cupped in slightly larger, tanner ones. He starred down at their hands. Wait, was he shaking? He hadn't cared to notice his whole body was shaking until this moment to pause-

" Babe, I need you to breath okay? This isn't gonna do either of us any good if your shaking, okay? Now take in a deep breath through your nose and then let it out a couple times, okay love? " Roman gently coaxed his lover as he held his cold,  shaking and sweaty hands. Virgil gave a jerky nod and did as he was told to do. He did this a couple times and finally calmed down enough to take in normal breaths and his hands to stop shaking to much. His lover carefully let go of his hands and smiled at him lovingly, although clearly exhausted.

Virgil returned the smile weakly and got to work on the larger, more prominent wound on his side. He cleaned it up with allot of rubbing alcohol, because he didn't want to risk an infection, and allot of pained hisses and growls from Roman. After awhile it was finally bandaged up and cleaned.

Virgil finally gave himself a moment to relax after the whole event and just slumped on the floor, his shoulders un-tensing as he let out a shaky sigh, lulling his head towards and closing his eyes for a moment, although the slight moment of peace was broken by Roman who gently nudged Virgil with his foot. Virgil glanced up at him and looked into his Ro's eye's only to find them slightly hardened with a clear shadow of worry over them as his lover spoke up.

" Virgil, I'm grateful for the fact you were awake when I came in but... What were you doing being up so early? " Roman asked him and carefully held onto Virgil's shoulders as he leaned forward a bit and Virgil felt a shiver run down his spin. Roman never called him by his name, it was always pet-names or joke-insults that they used to banter in the past, and still do from time to time. This meant that Virgil could't just dodge the question or force Roman to go to sleep like he wanted to do so badly, and he had a feeling Roman wanted it to.

Virgil tensed up his shoulders once more, before finally letting out a sigh of defeat and relaxing them once again before looking down at the tilled floor below him, and it suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world as he spoke to his fiance.

" I was... worried about you. You always go out on these adventures that take you to far away places that no one else knows about, but it's also so dangerous! I feel like one day I'll wake up and I'll have someone knocking on my door saying my Fiance is dead! Or don't want that to happen. I already lost my brother and your all I have left... I don't want someone to come knocking on my door again telling me the person Iv'e sworn to devote my love and life to is gone and snatched away from me! I just... I can't have that again... " Virgil said and let out a heart wrenching sob as his shoulders shook as he cried into his palms.

He felt warm, strong arms wrap around his shaking form as comforting words reaching his ears as his lovers hands gently rubbed his back and whispered to him that it would't happen again and that Roman would never leave Virgil no matter what.

It took awhile for Virgil to finally calm down again after that and when the waterfall of tears finally seemed to calm down he felt all the exhaustion hit him once again with full force. He let out a sigh as he glanced up at his lover who looked down at him with a reassuring gave " I promise I'll never leave you Virgil... You should have brought this up sooner, I would't go out so often if I knew how much it made you this distraught- You come before everything else " Roman said and pecked his fiance's lips before standing up slowly with the help of the chair, being mindful of his injury. Virgil followed along and stood up as well, clutching at Roman's hand like a life-line still, as if making sure he was real and THERE. 

Roman glanced down at him and kissed his temple lightly " We can talk about it more later... How about we both go to sleep now? We both need it " Roman said and Virgil nodded slightly before following his lover to their bedroom for some well deserved, and needed rest.

They had allot to sort out and talk about, but it could all wait for later. Right now Virgil just got his lover back and he wasn't letting go any time soon.

He sent a fleeting glance at the portrait that laid on the hallway wall of his brother and him, running around in a field of flowers. 

(AUTHORS NOTE: My first ever Sanders Sides fic! And Complete one-shot for that matter. Not the proudest thing Iv’e written but whatever, I did my best. ALSO, the brother can be whoever you want it to be! Patton, Logan or Thomas. I had Patton in my head while writing this but pick your poison! =D This was suggested my @omegatomato and Request are Open! ^w^ What do you think? Feedback is appreciated! )

2002 Words!

[natashapillai]

Garden City no more, Bangalore faces the possibility of losing that term forever

by Natasha Pillai, 6 MEP, 1634130

Gone are the days where we refer to Bangalore as a Garden City. Instead, it’s known as the Silicon Valley of India, as it has become the biggest hub for information technology companies in the country. The city has transformed from what it used to be, now becoming something of a concrete jungle.

In 2017, a report by the Indian Institute of Science discovered that 78% of Bangalore’s land surface was paved. Similarly, it was found that only 3% of the total area consists of parks and open grounds. Technically, this means that Bangalore also falls short of the required amount of open space per capita, recommended by the Urban and Regional Development Plan and Foundation guidelines of the Ministry of Urban Development. The World Health Organisation also suggests that at least 15% of a city should be made up of open spaces.

Bangalore’s green cover has been depleting for the last couple of years, and at this rate, it is only going to get worse.

As a city that has brought India great economic prominence with rapid urbanisation, and of course, much economic success too, many tend to overlook the fact that this continuous urbanisation is also slowly ruining our beloved city.

Deforestation in Bangalore is a problem in itself. Even more of an uglier truth is that this deforestation only brings about further damage to the city in terms of weather and water. Not to mention that deforestation also brings about the painstaking job of relocation, both in terms of wildlife, as well as people forced to move out of their villages to cater to the dream that is known as urbanisation.

Economic progress is all well and good, but only if the environment isn’t forced to suffer at the same time. After all, what is an economy, if the environment isn’t habitable enough for people to live in?

Rivers like Cauvery and Sharavathi supply water to almost half the population of the Western Ghats, and this is one major area affected by the cutting down of trees. With Bangalore dependent on these rivers, something like a poor flow of water is not something that can easily be tolerated.

Despite warnings of weak monsoons, and instead of learning a lesson, the government made a plan two years ago, to further destroy around 70,000 acres of forest in Shivamogga and Chikkamagaluru districts to make way for monoculture plantations.

Various officials from the Indian Institute of Science have come up with statements — backed by evidence — claiming that the destruction of forests like this, as well as the introduction of such plantations for industrial purposes has resulted in a poor inflow of water to two major rivers — Cauvery and Shavarathi.

A major way to deal with climate change, not just in Bangalore, but all over the world, is by increasing tree cover, but with deforestation becoming more and more like a popular trend, it is safe to say that the damage done so far, is near irreversible. While, ideally, in Bangalore there should be a total of eight trees for every person, the reality is that there are seven people for every tree. This total inverse is alarming, to say the least, and should be more of a cause for concern than furthering the urbanisation in the city,

If that isn’t bad enough, the city continues to slip into this so called popular trend by felling more trees for the sake of the upcoming metro. Not only does this inconvenience the nature of our city, but it also poses an inconvenience to the commuting people of our city too. Fortunately, in a recent public statement, Ajay Seth, the Managing Director of Bengaluru Metro ail Corporation Limited, also known to be abbreviated to BMRCL, said that the translocation of trees henceforth will be prioritised before it is decided to chop any trees down. While this is something of a ray of hope for the citizens of Bangalore, it is unclear whether this will actually go into effect rather than just being words to ease our worries, even if just a little.

While speaking about the problem is never enough, it is also important to know what can be done about the problem of deforestation in our city. Certain things to be done could of course be introducing new trees into the city, in the hopes that we can bring back what used to be known as the Garden City. But that is not the only thing we should look at.

We can’t assume that by planting new trees, everything will be better. It is crucial to remember that tree saplings take as much as twenty years to grow into full trees, which means that planting them won’t have an effect on our environment for a long time. It is imperative to conserve what we have now, because we’ll be living on it till more trees come up in Bangalore. A lot of people tend to overlook this fact, believing that as long as trees are being planted, there won’t be an issue.

It’s also important to remember that in 2017, there was a directive by the National Green Tribunal, to plant ten trees for every one tree that was axed, and should Bangalore have actually responded to that positively, by abiding by the directive, then perhaps we might have been in a different place now. It’s results wouldn’t be immediate, but it would at least be a start. And right now, a start is something that our city lacks.

In a place like Karnataka, where, ironically, Forest Officials are drafted into civic and infrastructure agencies to facilitate the felling of trees, while also being the appellate authorities, change needs to be seen. It’s one thing to talk about it and ask questions, but as everyone knows, actions tend to speak louder than words, and with the way our city is right now, that’s what we need.

Certainly we can have a greater economy while having a greater environment too? The two should ideally go hand in hand. It’s just pure ignorance and misfortune that has led to what our society is like now, and it’s about time that people realised this.

REFERENCES

TNM Staff (2017, December 03). Bengaluru no longer Garden City? Only 3 pc of city's area covered by parks, says survey. Retrieved from https://www.thenewsminute.com/article/bengaluru-no-longer-garden-city-only-3-city-s-area-covered-parks-says-survey-72560

G N, P. (2008, July 30). GARDEN CITY no more - Times of India. Retrieved from https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bengaluru/GARDEN-CITY-no-more/articleshow/3308280.cms

How did Bangalore convert from garden city to garbage city? (2014, June 05). Retrieved from https://mostlyeconomics.wordpress.com/2014/06/05/how-did-bangalore-convert-from-garden-city-to-garbage-city/

N, N. K. (2016, August 15). Plan to replace forests over thousands of acres with plantations is a ticking bomb. Retrieved from https://bangaloremirror.indiatimes.com/bangalore/cover-story/plan-to-replace-forests-over-thousands-of-acres-with-plantations-is-a-ticking-bomb/articleshow/53714660.cms

S, N. (2018, November 26). Saving trees by transplanting: BMRCL's approach has some lessons for Bengaluru. Retrieved from http://bengaluru.citizenmatters.in/translocation-transplantation-of-trees-in-bangalore-lessons-29212

David, S. (2018, December 03). Saving Trees: Let's Go Green. Retrieved from http://www.indialegallive.com/did-you-know-facts-about-news/perspective-news/saving-trees-lets-go-green-57918

[samtheflamingomain]

the cindy timeline

I have a lot of moments in my life where I could feel myself making another timeline. Usually, bold, irreversible and/or unexpected decisions made quickly.

Example. I first split my timeline at the exact moment that it clicked in my mind that the man I was watching on Youtube had been born female, but was living as a man.

For about 2-3 minutes, I knew I had a choice: live forever in the closet, knowing I'm a trans man, because I know it'll be easier, or come out as a trans man because for the first time in my life my "wanting to have been born male" had a name, and in 2 years I could have a baritone and a beard and be living my best gay male life. At the beginning of those 2-3 minutes, it seemed like a very obvious choice: say nothing. My life was already so, so hard. But I quickly realized the absolute euphoria of knowing it actually is possible for me to be a man was overwelming.

Some struggle for years and years. Totally valid. Me? I changed my mind from "pfft, I wish" to "my brain will not let me proceed as usual with this new info. Come out. Now." in the span of a commercial break. It was very much a switch, not a coming-to-accept-it-over-time, and that's why I see it as a timeline splitter.

My next one, and the one I still hate having done to this day, is changing the person I would ask to prom in about 3 hours.

After 2 years as a trans man, one of my best friends, Cindy, was really accepting and, by the end of high school, saw me as male.

And I was so, so in love with her. I'd built up some confidence and thought, by mid-April, that if I asked her to prom sometime in May, she would probably say yes.

Then, she had a birthday party in April. Still new at drinking and smoking weed, these parties all blur together in my memory except for this one. I decided, by the end of the night, to ask her.

I'd known Cindy since 4th grade, but we didn't get close till I came back from France a smoker and she was the only smoker I knew. Slowly her friend group adopted me. One was 20 with an apartment, the others were 18-19 doing a 5th year of high school or 1st year at college. There was one member, Dan, who I'd known of since middle school, and who Cindy had briefly dated once. He was a year older, away at art school. I always thought he was exceptionally attractive, something I rarely think about men despite being 90% gay. He was quiet, didn't say much, but when he did, he said something. He was funny, intelligent, and he was coming back to town for this birthday party.

5 seconds before he walked in the door, Cindy said to me, "Oh yeah! Dan said you looked really cute as a guy when he saw you last!"

Timeline spliced. I'd never, ever been told I looked anything more than "plain" in my entire life. In fact, until I started dating, I was quite sure that I was ugly. Now, if I'm being honest and objective, I can see why people might find me attractive, but I'm not my own type. Anyway.

That night, I made it my mission to be near him as much as possible. I fully expected him to want to talk to his old buddies all night, but he actually spent a lot of time talking to me in a way that I recognized as someone talking to someone they have a crush on. It was absolutely bizarre to be on the receiving end of it.

We ended up falling asleep on the couch in each others' arms, woke up, and made it official right then and there.

I've always thought that, really, there was no way we wouldn't end up dating eventually because we both liked each other, knew, were confident enough to go for it, and by the time summer came and he came home from school, we were inseparable.

But that party, that one night, I went in with a plan to bring Cindy to prom by the end of the night, and instead woke up with a completely separate whole-ass boyfriend.

So while I think what followed that night was going to happen anyway, if Dan hadn't gone to that party OR if Cindy hadn't told me he liked me, I would've asked Cindy to the prom, she likely would've said yes, and... well, maybe I would've had a chance to be with her.

And, just like me coming out to myself in 3 minutes, I made the decision almost instantly. I chose the guarantee that Dan liked me over the uncertainty that Cindy didn't. I picked, in my opinion, wrongly. But I know why I did.

Cindy is... well, I always want to say "the one who got away", but that summer she fell in love with a guy I really dislike and moved across the province and still lives with him today. I never got a chance to not let her "get away". Well, I did - and I threw it away because I had a physical attraction to someone who I knew nothing about other than that he liked me.

There's no way I could've known that I would never get the opportunity to date Cindy because I picked Dan that one night. Everyone in that friend group had dated. We were about to have all summer to see what happened.

There's a lot of people that I thought I loved but either knew deep down I didn't, or that I later recognized as not being love but something else. That's never been it with Cindy. I know I loved her. I didn't love Dan - I loved the idea of being loved.

We were still young, so I always hoped they'd break up eventually and I'd get my chance. Almost 10 years later, I know that chance is long gone.

I can think of a million other timeline-splitting moments, but the timeline where I got to date Cindy is the one I still to this day wish I were in.

Stay Greater.