#it sounds like its gonna be a pretty faithful adaption

[lollytea]

How do I say, without coming across as a jaded miserable little bitch who likes raining on everybody's parade, that the PJO Disney plus adaption is nostalgia bait, in the same way that their live action remakes are

[sunreys]

As much as I love the netflix shadow and bone and I really enjoyed watching it, let's be so fucking for real: it's not a good adaptation.

Season 1 was not a bad start. Like yeah you can have your complaints about certain acting choices and cgi and whatever (it is a Netflix show let's keep our expectations,,,,,level) but it was not that bad! It was fun, it was pretty faithful to the characters! In terms of book adaptations, it's honestly up there in quality. Season 2, though.

This whole show has been compared to a crack fic, and I second that---its not really the grishaverse. It's like someone's six of crows/shadow and bone crossover fic. Meaning we're smashing together two stories that are each already full of so much content on their own that it would be hard to do it all justice in an 8 episode netflix series. Even harder when you're combining 2 books, random storylines we pulled out of our asses, and scenes from soc and ck that had no business being there. I understand why they did this: six of crows is much more popular than shadow and bone, and the people at netflix wanted to get the most money possible from this. Alas, this hinders the story of the show so so much. For all it's flaws, there is so much good shit in the shadow and bone trilogy. There is SO MUCH that is so interesting, so poignant, so fun, etc etc that we entirely skipped past and cut out because we jammed so much other shit in there that had no reason to be. We skipped almost the entire plot of book 2! And while there's stuff in there that certainly drags on and could be cut, why did we cut out Alina and Mal's time in hiding? The Darkling finding them and everything else with Sturmhond? All the political shit that goes down with Vasily? Alina's struggle with being seen as a saint, her genuine struggle with being plagued by the Darkling? The reveal that Vasily was a fucking idiot and led the Darkling and the Fjerdans to the capital? The CHURCH SCENE??? WHITE HAIRED ALINA??? And that's just book 2! And then we get the canon divergence. Now I'll admit, I was slightly curious to see where they were gonna take this plot. However, if it was gonna go how they seemed to be setting it up, it would've been disappointing. I'm not a fan of stories where after the big climax the female lead loses her magic powers in favor of some peaceful life as a housewife or whatever. However, I loved the way the shadow and bone books ended. It was set up and foreshadowed that using merzost would have a cost. Alina willingly chose that cost to save mal, to have her happily ever after and her normal life which is what she always wanted. To prove the Darkling wrong. That's the important thing. Instead I guess mal goes "damn I know u literally brought me back from the dead but I'm gonna break up with u now bc I hate destiny I guess". And it seems as though the show was planning to have a storyline where Alina deals with having the Darklings power and struggles with whether or not she should succumb to the Darklings ideals or whatever. Which sounds like an interesting plot right? But guess what? WEVE ALREADY SEEN THAT SHIT IN THE BOOKS. IF THE SHOW ACTUALLY SHOWED US WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BOOKS WE WOULDVE HAD ALINA STRUGGLING WITH HER LITTLE VILLAIN ARC INSTEAD OF WHATEVER TF WE WERE HEADING TOWARDS AT THE END OF SEASON 2.

Anyways. Netflix execs get ur shit together and start greenlighting adaptations that fans of the original material---who you are literally appealing to by making this adaptation in the first place---will actually enjoy.

[visualsandvoices]

Ok idk if anyone said this re: Greta gerwig’s narnia on here already I only pop in from time to time…

But it seems like Liam Neeson will return to voice Aslan and Tilda Swinton is set to return as the White Witch?

There was also a comment in an interview saying it won’t change people’s conception of narnia, but just make it bigger (I think that was the phrasing, or close to it).

So I’m cautiously optimistic. That makes it sound like they want to get the audience on familiar territory — hopefully it lands! To use the same actors and then depart to dramatically from the 2005 version would be pretty jarring, so maybe they want to recreate that movie relatively closely as a launchpad for the rest of the series? But they still gotta make it their own which makes me nervous lol

Netflix handled the Shadow and Bone adaptation pretty well so maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised 😬

The only thing is that Greta Gerwig seems emphasize messaging and themes in equal measure as plot. Little Women deals prominently with marriage, expectations of womanhood, wealth/class, etc. Barbie is theme over plot, I’d almost say, given the virality of America Ferrera’s speech, I’m Kenough, and the overall impression of Barbie having an awakening to being a human woman or whatever. I haven’t seen it so maybe there’s plot I’m missing but that seems to be the idea.

This kinda thing doesn’t work for narnia, imo. I don’t want to hear Susan give a speech about womanhood in the war era, or some remark on femininity, firstly because it’s so overdone in movies these days but also bc if you’re going to put any theme/motif/messaging on equal footing to Narnia’s plot it should be faith.

I’m not saying Christianity has to slap you in the face. The Disney adaptations handled it well I think. It was there without the movie overdoing it, and there wasn’t any sort of moral or speech or sound bite to sell to the audience otherwise. It was a fantasy movie.

Susan would make an easy target, and I really hope Gerwig doesn’t fall into the “lipstick and nylons” trap everyone argues about. First of all it should hardly be foregrounded bc it doesn’t really become an issue until after she’s left narnia in which case she’s offscreen. The Last Battle maybe, but again it’s brief. My two cents on it though are that I always took it to be her grief for not being able to return to narnia forced her to try to move on, and maybe the resentment over her loss broke her faith. She’s still a character to sympathize with. People say Lewis couldn’t get past her being female and hence the lipstick and nylons but I think that’s a bad read. She was a queen, an adult woman, and cerebrally mature only to return a boarding school student. Of course she didn’t return to her dolls. I also think that it happened because she’s so logical and calculated and careful (neither good nor bad as a trait on its own) that loosing something she loved only augmented her original doubts and made her stubborn. So again it’s not about womanhood nylons and lipstick, it’s grief and sort of an internal self-defence kinda thing. If Gerwig were to explore anything with Susan as she’s older I would say doubt and logic versus faith and responsibility would both be true to the character and far more original/interesting for audiences.

I would love to see how they handle The Horse and his Boy, the Golden Age and how the kings and queens earn their titles (just, gentle, valiant, magnificent). I would love to see a Jill Pole who is allowed to cry, to be a scared school child, and also brave and stoic and thrust into an underground world on a rescue mission. I will be fascinated to see their concept for The Last Battle, because again it’s very much so a Christian story.

So I really do hope Netflix allows the series to live past the first 3, so we get new material. Caspian and Dawn Treader are gonna be a test for Gerwig’s strengths before she’s allowed into fresh territory with the other books.

I just think that if you’re intending to strip it of the intention behind the story — lost faith, found faith, tested faith, resilience, trust, redemption, all through a Christian lens, then maybe don’t adapt it at all. I’m not saying you have to make Christianity so foregrounded it feels like a sermon, but you cannot have narnia without that being the lens through which the world is understood. They aren’t separable things.

AND going back to the casting hopefully it’s not Timothy chalamet / Saoirse Ronan / Florence Pugh. As much as they’re great actors, I think for narnia as a reboot to land, they need a bunch of unknown, fresh faces and actual kids not people in their twenties/thirties. Even as a background narnia cameo it would honestly be distracting.

[grigori77]

REASONS TO LOVE Netflix’ The Sandman series

WARNING!!!  If you haven’t watched it (particularly if you haven’t read the graphic novels, although it’s not essential for enjoying it) there are potentially some serious spoilers coming up here, so be warned ...

...

...

Neil Gaiman basically shepherded the whole thing in, so this is VERY MUCH EXACTLY what he always intended a Sandman series to be.  Long may he remain on the show, because this is about as perfect as a TV series can get, especially an adaptation of SUCH A BELOVED PROPERTY as this ...

Tom Sturridge is PEAK casting genius.  Not only is he spectacularly spot-on with Dream’s speech and mannerisms, but he just LOOKS like the character stepped right out of the comic pages.

But I also love how, while the series IS about the Dream King himself, he’s not necessarily the main, DOMINANT character here.  Sure, in the first half of the season (essentially adapting volume one, Preludes & Nocturnes) it’s very much about his imprisonment, escape and the subsequent battle for him to regain his powers and kingdom, but EVEN HERE there are times he’s more like a supporting player in his own story, letting other characters into the spotlight, especially in the second half when the show adapts volume two (The Doll’s House), when it becomes far more about Rose Walker ...

Speaking of which, Rose is FANTASTIC.  Kyo Ra is a sweetheart and her Rose is adorable and lovely and just the purest cinnamon roll and must be protected at all costs.

Matthew the Raven.  OMG Patton Oswalt.  I knew right away he was gonna be great in this but he surapassed all my expectations as one of my very favourite characters.

The relationship between Dream and Lucienne is PERFECT.  She respects her boss immensely but is not prepared to put up with his shit for a MICROSECOND, and if that means letting him dangle to prove a point she’s gonna do it.

So what if John Constantine is genderbent?  Jernna Coleman’s always AWESOME and she just GOT the character.

Episode 6, The Sound of Her Wings.  Sweet mercy that is a PERFECT HOUR of television right there, completely flawless.  In a season that’s already pretty legendary in its faithfulness, this note-perfect transplant of Gaimain’s flawless writing is a solid gold JOY to experience.

Kirby Howell-Baptiste as Death ... OH MY GOD.  My girl was brought to life with flawless perfection, I’m a happy puppy after this.

The Corinthian.  Boyd Holbrook’s another example of perfect casting here, and the rogue nightmare is a PERFECT Big Bad for this first season ...

Lucifer ... yeah, I love Tom Ellis in the show as much as anybody, but Gwendoline Christie is GOLD.  She just GOT the role, clearly.

The duel in hell is AWESOME.  Perfectly done.

Merv Pumpkinhead!  Mark Hammil ladies and gentlemen!  The man can do no wrong.

The Diner Experiment in Episode 5 gave me CHILLS.  That was as close to the perfect nightmare that scenario could have gone, but thankfully without going QUITE as far as it did in the comic.  THAT might have been a bit TOO MUCH.

While we’re there, David Thewlis’ John Burgess is a fantastically complicated and enjoyably HUMAN supervillain, and you’re never quite sure if he’s ENTIRELY WRONG, which worries me greatly.  As it should ...

Also Charles Dance once again proves he’s incapable of delivering a bad performance.

Cain and Abel are a darkly comic delight.

Stephen Fry as Gilbert!  YAY!!  Love that man in everything, he was born to play Fiddler’s Green in human form.

I loved how they got the motley collection of misfits in the Cape Kennedy B&B absolutely right.  Hal, Barbie and Ken, Chantal and Zelda, I love you all, you’re adorable.

Yay!  Martin Tenbones!  Looking forward to seeing him again when they do A Game of You in one of the later seasons.

The “Cereal” Convention.  Haliariously funny in a jet black way guaranteed to get your skin crawling too ...

Desire and Despair.  Sure, they’re only in this a little bit, but like Death I’m looking forward to seeing more of them in the future, they’re both spot-on.

The Gault and the way she protects Jed despite being a nightmare, that’s so wonderful.  I love the idea that a constructed creature can try to be something other than it was intended to be, just like the rest of us.  Gaiman is so spectacularly deep.  And then we get that beautiful payoff at the end of the season where Dream’s learned his lesson and lets her change for the better ...

This whole season is just pitch-perfect in the visual effects and the sound and the music and the design and the wayit’s shot and cut.  It’s a feast for the eyes and I’m glad Netflix were willing to spend the money to let Neil realise his vision without restraint.

Netflix, this is PERFECT.  Give us a full series, let Neil do the entire story through to the end, no matter if it takes more than your holy three seasons to do it.  This is TOO GOOD for you to NOT let him do it ...

[sherwoodknights]

SP 1999 EPISODE 1 LIVEBLOG

Opening titles slap pretty hard

Starting with a flashback, nice

IS THAT MARGUERITE AND ARMAND'S PARENTS? DID THEY SOMEHOW MANAGE TO MAKE ST CYR EVEN WORSE THAN BEFORE? WHAT THE FUCKKKK

"Learn from this!" Sir this is going to bite you so hard in the ass its unreal, and you deserve it

Why are they putting down newspaper lmao

Oh that's why okay

Is he a league member that theyve captured? Are the French actually semi-competent in this adaptation?

YOU DO NOT IMPLY THAT CHAUVELIN HAS BEEN RIPPING OFF TOENAILS AND THEN CUT TO THE NEXT SCENE WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

HERE COME THE LEAGUE LETS GOOOO

*does a gay little run that pisses you off*

Emilia fox will you marry me

OH MY GOD IT WAS ARMAND DOING THE GAY LITTLE RUN, BBC ARE FUELING MY GAY LITTLE ARMAND THOUGHTS

Excuse me bbc it has been almost 10 minutes and I have seen no Marguerite at all, you are depriving me of my wife

FUCKING HELL THATS FULL ON TORTURE THIS IS DARK

Richard E Grant you smooth mfer

They weren't joking that man really has no toenails left jesus

Forget my earlier comment, the French are still incompetent I guess

Oooooo chavvy wants to go to englandddd

Does this mean we get Marguerite soon? Please say we do

NOOOOOO DONT ARREST ARMAND LEAVE MY SON ALONE

DAMN ARMANDS GOT BITCHES

At least they're letting him get dressed before they arrest him

Awwwww he saved her, that's my boy

GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT LITERAL CHILD YOU GROWN ASS SOLDIER FFS

Mr No Toenails is so gonna die

"Don't trust her" STOP BEING SO FUCKING OMINOUS BEFORE YOU DIE

MARGUERITE!!!!!!!!! Ough she's so gorgeous I want to dieeeeee

Oh fuck he totally took the guys words as "Don't trust Marguerite" goddammit

OH YEAH PERCY HOW DARE YOUR WIFE WHO YOU MARRIED WANT TO DANCE WITH YOU WHAT A TERRIBLE INSULT

Suzanne and Andrew <333333333

Percy Blakeney making sex jokes is something I never knew I needed

Marguerite St Just I would die for you

The only version of the pimpernel poem that rivals the musical in campiness

Chauvelin has no rizz, no matter how hard he may try

NOT PERCY SPILLING WINE ON CHAUVVYS CRAVAT

Percy basically just said "the cravat is the powerhouse of the cell"

Man's just wrote a dissertation on cravats

Ooooooooo the Prince is sassy

WHO JUST SLAPPED MY WIFE WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL

ANGELE ST CYR? OH FUCK THE GIRLS ARE GONNA BE FIGHTINGGGGG

Not this guy challenging percy to a duel while his voice sounds halfway to cracking through the whole speech

I could watch Richard E Grant's Percy all day oh my god

The guy they're about to guillotine looks like a sad puppy

Sleebpy Marguerite

They are literally so close to actual communication and talking through their issues that it HURTS, STOP BEING IDIOTS AND GET OVER YOURSELVES SO YOU CAN STOP BEING MISERABLEEEEEEEE

Ah here comes the Armand blackmail

Oooooo they're letting the marriage issues out at parties

HERE COME THE CHAMBERTIN JOKES

They're being so mean to him and its amazing

HOLY SHIT THEY HAVE HER TELL PERCY ABOUT ARMAND AS PERCY AND NOT THE PIMPERNEL! GO BBC YOU DO THAT FUNKY FAITHFUL ADAPTATION STUFF WE LOVE TO SEE IT

ST JUST BACKSTORY HAND IT OVER I CRAVE ITTTTTTT

PERCY YOU FUCKING LOSER HELP YOUR WIFE UGH YOURE SO MEAN TO HER

(I know he's going to do something but still I wish he could just tell her)

You go babygirl rip that letter from your husband up

Chauvvy with the hair down and morning hair <3

Get Chambertin's ass, Margot

MARGUERITE NO DONT TELL HIM THE HIDING PLACEEEE

Is she figuring it out? Did the injury give Percy away to her omg

SHES GOING TO THE STUDY BOYS SHES GONNA FIGURE HIM OUT

SECRET PIMPERNEL COMPARTMENT LETS GOOO

And that's where the episode ends!

So far I'm loving the show, following the book pretty comprehensively, and has managed to get plenty of the plot into a single episode, can't wait to see more

[honoringthehorrific]

Reviewing Junji Ito Maniac: Japanese Tales of the Macabre after I binged the series

As typical my friends spoilers are under the cut. Here are my reviews of each episode as well if you'd like more in depth yet brief thoughts. <3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Review

I really liked this version so far. I know people tend to really hate this art style however you have to note that this series is...animated? Anime tends to be semi low-quality (I'm not hating at all I'm a massive anime fan!) If you watch most anime's you can find a ton of errors in the animation and that should be no different here. However I fear people compare it too heavily to Ito's manga work. Which is valid it's an anime based off his work but his pieces are so complex it would be hard to emulate animation wise. If you've seen the Adult Swim previews for Uzumaki they look like the spitting image of the manga. However the project is taking...A very long time. This is a pretty standard anime and for what its worth I personally think the quality took a big boost since the original! The animation seems to be of a higher quality as well as the coloring and the art? Just something about it seems better all together!

One thing I noticed when watching was it had a lot of stories I hadn't ever read before! Finding some in the manga VIZ Media put out Lovesickness, a manga I had purchased a day prior to seeing this anime. I love seeing new adaptations of Ito's work and comparing them to what i had read and one thing i noticed about this version is that they seem to use the original titles. Typically when looking up Ito's work some pieces go by multiple titles. For instance some refer to Glyceride , another of his stories, as Grease. However this adaptation seems to use the same names! Which if you're like me you appreciate as someone who frequently searches his short stories to find what others think about them!

Now one thing I will note is that...Not many of these stories are really scary? I mean sure the twists are unexpected and have a hint of that Ito feeling of confusion and strangeness but something about it all feels mildly diluted? Which yeah, sure, it's an anime adaptation. It's not gonna hit the nail on the head every single time but it feels sort of...more hollow? at least for lack of a better term. Don't get me wrong some of the episodes are nearly shot for shot pulled from the manga but the pacing and the way episodes have to cut some parts for time kinda cheapens it for me? I'm not sure why. That being said i do think this is really good transitional material. If you're an anime person and you wanna dip into horror manga but watch this before purchasing a manga or reading one online? Perfectly fine. However I do think the manga's are better? I feel like I keep saying that and maybe it makes me sound like some sort of manga purist but it's true.

Overall some of the episodes bored me and it was difficult to watch some of them, Some of the ones I was familiar with and wanted to see fell sort of flat. This was a decent enough faithful adaptation. However, I believe if you want a better depiction of Ito's work, Just read the source material.

Do I recommend this? Ehh...Sure?...I guess? Really I recommend Ito's work in general but this falls semi flat to me, however I do love seeing how they voice and cast certain roles and characters and how sound design brings these moments to life. In all honesty some stories were Improved by the introduction of audio.

Wanna see what I thought of each episode individually? Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

[natalieironside]

Find The Word tag

Yay I got tagged by @red-the-dragon-writes and my words are noise, power, static, and broad. 

Noise shows up in chapter 1: Aftermath of my untitled sequel to The Big Job:

As Katya’s awareness returned to her body, the sound of Karcist Tarak’s voice was replaced with another sound:  A quiet noise like TV static, or a voice screaming from far away.  It lingered in her ears for a moment after her eyes opened, and she muttered, “Wait, does anybody else . . . hear that?”

“Hear what?” Nix asked.

“Eh, nothing.  I think my tinnitus is acting up.”  

Power shows up in chapter 4: Field Trip of same

Katya rolled her eyes.  “Whatever.  Like I was saying, Adytum fell.  We were surrounded by too many enemies, and they overcame us.  Our defeat was a mixed blessing for the Mekhanites; they’d thrown so much into winning the War of Metal and Flesh that their own empire fell apart without an enemy to rail against.  Before the Ozirmok disappeared, he gave instructions to the faithful to disperse and keep our way of life alive in the shadows, and that ended up being pretty easy for a few centuries.  With the Daevites defeated and the Mekhanite empire collapsing, there were few godsmen left in the world and most people were generally tolerant of us.  That all changed with the rise of a new religion called Christianity; the Christians are truly fanatical godsmen, and by about 1400 years ago they’d become a real power in the world and they hated us real fuckin hard.  Trying to survive Christendom created a schism within the Nalka. Some of us—like the Order of the Red Root—tried harder to stay hidden and to keep to ourselves, but others tried to find ways to adapt to the ways of the godsmen.  They became monsters.  The Foundation calls them ‘Neo-Sarkites’; we call them the Gluttonous.”

“Sounds terrible.  Tell me about these Gluttonous.”

“They use the power of carnomancy to subvert the teachings of the Ozirmok.  They seek power, to defile others’ autonomy, to make slaves of those around them.  When I was new to our faith, my karcistja taught me that the most important lesson of Ion is the lesson of sacrifice; but while the way of the Nalka is to sacrifice the self for the good of the community, the Gluttonous want to sacrifice the community for the needs of the self.  Their motto is: ‘Do what ye will, to whom ye will.’”

“Ugh, how revolting.  Truly the future is a time of monsters.”

“Yeah, you ain’t wrong.”

“Now tell me about this Foundation.”

Static shows up in chapter 3: In The Family Way of same

Nix’s jaw slackened and she blinked a few times without speaking.  Katya cradled her head in her hands and went on:  “And that’s not all.  All the time, I hear . . . I hear this fucking noise.  It’s always there, ringing in my ears.  At first it was like TV static, and I thought it was just my tinnitus, but . . . Nix, now it sounds like screaming.  Like quiet screaming.  I can hear the screaming.  I can hear the patterns.”

“The . . . patterns?”

“Three. Five.  Seven.  Three.  Five.  Seven.  Stars die in threes, but worlds die in fives.  Three.  Five.  Seven.  Does that mean anything to you?”

“Well, no.”

I had to search high and low to find broad, I guess my settings are pretty narrow, but it finally showed up at the very beginning of chapter 3: Baptismal Rites from my story The Neophyte, the in-progress sequel to Brood:

"Freydis was always the best of us,” Kalina declared, raising her pitcher of wine high over her head.  The assembled revelers cheered.

Outside of the feasting hall, the night was dark and frigid, with even the moon and stars hidden behind a bank of fog rolling in off of the sea.  The interior was warm enough, but it was still a sea of shadows; the bright lamps along the walls had been extinguished, so that the hall was illuminated only by the fire in its long central hearth and by candles burning upon makeshift altars here and there.  Freydis presided over all, sitting upon the high seat of her fathers at the back of the hall, with Kristina at her feet.  The hall held about two dozen souls; in addition to the four war matrons, there were sinister priestesses and shrine-maidens and broad, grim blackguards, men and women and the rest.  And Kalina was making a speech.

“Freydis was always the best of us,” she repeated.  “Mayhap Hild is wiser, and mayhap Olga is quicker, and, as you can all clearly see, I am far more beautiful.  But, in Freydis, all our virtues are blended in measure, and the whole is far greater than the sum of its parts, and that . . . that is the mark of a captain I would follow into Hell.  You see, I was there when Caer Haern fell.  I was just behind Freydis as she led us up the ladders, I was at her side as we made the proudest of Khethia’s knights shriek and squeal and flee in terror before us.  And I watched from atop the wall as Freydis’ boots were the first to hit the cobblestones below.  Our grandchildren’s grandchildren will tell the story of the fall of Caer Haern, and they will weep to know they were not there, as I was there, to watch Freydis Thorkilsdottir swoop down like a goddess of war with steel in one hand and arcane fire in the other, carrying us to our greatest victory in our greatest campaign.  Hail, Freydis, greatest of our Queen’s war matrons!”

***

Alrighty I’m gonna tag uhhhh @the-bard-writes @wolfpackwriting @lordfenric @the-august-one and your words are Interior, Strife, Mentality, and Farce

[numbaoneflaya]

You can count on me to pull up with a thousand of questions sbdhdh. A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ; A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ; A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ; A9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ;

A3.Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

Shawty got that stockholm syndrome in a way. She is…. Sometimes aware of it, though she wouldn't call it that any more. Maybe at first in the basement she was more aware, but now that she can come and go she thinks its a thing of the past. tries not to dwell on it. Kind of in a “well its literally not that bad its kind of fun its kind of romantic were just quirky <3” way, will get mad if someone insists she has stockholm or that the relationship is fucked. Will get enraged and upset on Vincent's behalf, probably cry and yell at you.

A22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I intended her to be fairly average, maybe kind of cute. It's generally the way she dresses/acts in public that draws attention, not her looks. I tend to make most of my ocs on the average scale besides a select few.

C5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

Good question…. Jillys morals are pretty simple- always be kind and nice, murder and hurting other people is bad, and you shouldnt lie. She sticks to those pretty strictly herself despite the situations she gets put in, often to her own detriment. But she doesn't always put a stop to those behaviors from the people she surrounds herself with, so she's sort of accomplice to bad acts of violence just by not snitching. So somewhat situational? She tries not to think about it.

D3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

Not comfortable! She hadn't seen a lot of it before her early twenties and was always sort of sheltered. dead fish are flushed down the toilet bcs they go to the ocean to live again, right? Thought cows and such all died of old age peacefully before they were made into burgers until she was like… twelve. 💀Won't kill mice and other critters despite her prey drive bcs she would feel too bad. And this is just for animal death, she's much more uncomfortable with human death. Also a thing she tries to ignore.

F3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

God no. She hates small spaces unless she's hiding in them and tiny homes have no room for all the shit she stashes! No room for zoomies, or climbing on the furniture, or wrestling around on the floor. It would be filled with junk within a week.

A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ;

A18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He's never had much to be jealous of, as he's never really been over involved in romantic relationships. They were usually mutually beneficial and somewhat clinical in nature. Hes also pretty sure of himself and his value as an asset and lover. If he finds someone who peaks his interest and they become an item though, he might get jealous if he catches them flirting with other people. Hell be peeved at first but know flirtation in business has its value, so to make himself feel better might flirt with someone else while they are nearby. Make a game of it, see who wins.

A23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

Appearances are crucial to him and spends a lot of time and money making sure he looks his best. He needs to appear above the rabble and impenetrable, dressing well and having immaculate posture and an air of both grace and otherworldliness.

B9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Definitely not one to find fart jokes funny. Very rarely laughs genuinely or full heartedly, he keeps all his expressions of emotion close to his chest. Sharp sardonic wit is appealing to him in the right circumstances, even a jab directed at himself can make him chuckle if it's well formed enough. Irony almost always gets him, even if its dark irony or gallows humor. Bit of a hard nut to crack. Would laugh enough that hed have to cover his mouth with his hand if he were to see Felix fall face first into mud, though. More often than not you can tell he finds something amusing by a gleam in his eyes and a slight squint.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Well he used to have a real moral code :/. Now I mean…. The ends justify the means. By any means necessary. He considers his family's needs first, then the good of the world, then any individual in the world. Has ordered executions of entire families, had babies stolen and sent away, sent armies to certain death knowing full well they would all die, commanded individuals be tortured for information, sacrificed many in what he considers to be a game of chess where he is the player and others are the pawns. He finds senseless violence and savagery to be unforgivable, but if violence has a sense and purpose to employ it, then he will do so.

H2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Nirn tends to be a very thoughtful and attentive person in general, just for the wrong reasons lmaoooo. But with a lover? He's going to be utilizing that to show them how much he cares and using his powers for good. Mention you like a certain fabric while shopping one time and then complain your favorite tunic has a wine stain in it several months later, he's going to be taking your measurements for a new one in your preferred material without a moment's notice. Very keen on picking up moods, expressions and tone. Also has a very good memory. He doesn't really think about it but gifts are how he shows his love. Also a great attentive listener.

A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ;

A5. Are they good at handling change in their life?

I would say so, yeah. Shes been used to things constantly changing since she was little and has had little to no control on outside influences. Shes also not one to over think about the past and lament, shes more of a one foot in front of the other, the only time is the present kind of gal. Of course large changes like becoming a warden were a bit more severe, but shes mostly able to think in the present as long as she has immediate problems to deal with.

B9.What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Slapstick is always gonna make her laugh as long as nobody gets seriously hurt, even if its her own ass tripping into a tree. Not a fan of scare pranks, 0/10 recommend trying to scare Thurwen. You will end up with a broken nose at best and an angry elf. Likes puns, but she's the one to groan at them and try and hide the grin spreading across her face. Gallows humor but only if its her in the gallows, otherwise doesn't find it funny at all. If a little kid calls someone a fartcicle she will be tears in the eyes giggling, which is hard when your warden commander and everyone looks toward you to be serious and mature gyshsdhdfsghsd.

C8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

She definitely holds herself to moral ideals and is very hard on herself, but has realistic moral expectations for others. She can understand self serving and people only wanting to survive and she will only give people a little bit of shit for it, no one's perfect. But then she expects herself to be perfect and berates herself constantly for not living up to the hero of ferelden warden commander ideals.

D1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

Atheist ever since her mom died when she was a kid, but now Shes in a weird mixed state ever since the urn of sacred ashes where shes like. fuck the maker, but Andraste is cool I guess. So respects/believes in the power of Andraste while thinking the maker is a piece of shit and the chantry sucks ass. Even she doesnt know what she really believes, but she did see the ghosts of Andrastes disciples and Shartan, used her ashes as healing salve, killed an old god, etc. So shes been in a weird place recently, crisis of faith/non faith pretty continual.

I5. Are they a good cook?

I mean…. She can cook basics. Shes been feeding herself and the alienage kids since she was old enough to walk so she knows how to get protein and make things edible. Does it taste good? Probably not. She didnt see her first spice till she was 17 years old, but she can skin a rabbit in seven seconds.

LA9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

She tries to excuse bad behavior of herself or others a lot, yeah fgdgdsfhdhs. Mostly she doesnt have to make excuses for herself because she can wholeheartedly be like “yeah i fucked up but whatever im sexy and large and awesome and everyone loves me 🙄whatever baby” and when other people fuck up shes pretty sympathetic even though they are not as large nor as sexy. Shes very used to forgiving and excusing herself its totally alien to her when she really fucks up and is suddenly like wait… valkya…. Did bad?? What is this feeling. Shame?? Guilt?? IMPOSSIBLE.

A13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

She hates those giant bugs in morrowind and valenwood a whole fucking lot but I wouldnt exactly place it as a phobia. Those huge mosquitoes and haorvers got no respect but she really hates the morrowind bugs ever since they knocked her over and jumped her while she was pants down peeing drunk as hell in the sand :/ never forgave. Never forgot.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

She was raised in a healthy household that tought the basics, prety much “harming others needlessly, stealing, torture, rape, dessecrating the dead, being selfish and not doing right by others, etc etc all basic bad things” are her morals. Her morality is basically treat others how you want to be treated. And if they treat you badly, then have fun beating the shit out of them to show everyone else not to fuck with you. Its a pretty nordic morality in that way. Her morality is also since she was ‘blessed’ with being so large and strong, that she has to also look out for the little guy who cant protect themselves. So If someone treats them how valkya wouldn't want to be treated, then beat the shit out of the person harming them to show them the little guys got backup. Her parents raised her to be a hero and thats p much how she sees herself, which has its benefits and its fuckin problems.

E8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

Fucking up Dem and Dariens relationship for sure dude :/ valkya always gonna be sulking over that one. She doesnt regret becoming a vestige, even though it would have made her so much happier not to be because it ended up saving so many people and the world. She regrets not spending more time with Naryu, regrets always having other life saving business she had to run off to, regrets not cherishing the time they had together. Regrets not telling Lyris how she feels, either. Regrets not being able to save as many people as she should have, regrets she wasnt stronger in coldharbor and didnt break out herself. But she tries not to think about it <3

G6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

When she was seven she once spent two months training to hold her breath underwater, because her cousin always held it longer and won the gold bet. She trained for hours almost drowning in the river until she could comfortably hold it for up to three minutes. During the next holiday when they all got together again the competitions were on and they both went under- her cousin won, holding their breath for four more minutes before they decided to come up. This was the first lesson she learned that shocked her world view- you always need to know your opponents capabilities. (after she lost 26 gold in the bets, her mother later had to inform her that her cousin was an argonian.)

[ronnytherandom]

I forgot to watch content all week so i wrote about games ive been playing

9/2/2021: The Truman Show

You should fear your fears but embrace them and use them to guide you into the unknown, to explore and experience what life has to offer. Fear stands between you and the fullest experience of life so you must pass through it to better yourself. Heed not the walls built about you and the chains made to hold you. Though the architects insist it will preserve your life, containment is anathema to life. Do not take in faith the benevolence of powers that be; instead trust those who would support and liberate you, guide you through fear and into life.

As best I can lay it out, I think this is the philosophy of the Truman show but there is so much more to read into it also. There is critique of systems of commodification and celebrity (i.e. capitalism) reducing human beings to a consumable good as well as encouragement to find and pursue your goals despite adversity and even sensibility which is also tied to the illusion of economic responsibility. You can’t put a camera inside a human head, you can never “know” them without being an active and intrinsic part of their life, but also there is need for reciprocation. If one half exists with ulterior motive then the entire relationship is rotten; sincere humanity is what creates real connections. Without such your world is fake. A world built around one person is a world where no one can truly live. All these actors have given up basically their entire lives for the sake of watching Truman have his life built around him by outside forces, have allowed themselves to be commodified and dehumanised for the good of one man, Christoph. The man at the top has delusions of grandeur and thinks only of his own bottom line, he cares not for his subjects but simply wants them to do as he tells them because it benefits him to commodify their lives and interactions. Even then he cannot stand to lose control and in seeking to demonstrate Truman’s “realness” he structures his life so thoroughly that eventually there’s no reality left, only a script and adverts. But the people watching still empathise with Truman because everyone in the working class understands what it is to be trapped because real life is our own Truman show and one day we must all pass through fear, step out of the dome and create a real life for ourselves outside of the system of commodification which consumes everyone’s life and removes all realness and sincerity and emotional catharsis from it.

I unreservedly love this film.

14/2/2021: Assorted Game Reviews

Horizon Zero Dawn (Unfinished due to technical issues, 45 hours inc. parts of Frozen Wilds): This game is really cool and really fun. I think it is defined by its incredible setting which somehow creates a fresh feeling post-apocalyptic environment. Said environment creates intriguing alt-future lore and some very interesting environments to explore. I love the machine designs (especially tallnecks!) and was very sad to hear one of their contributing artists passed away recently but I’m glad their work lives on in this visually stunning game. I’m a sucker for Ubisoft-style open world games simply because it tickles a certain kind of itch and somehow this non-Ubisoft game has outdone Ubisoft on their own formula, which is hilarious, but also good for me as running around this world exploring and clearing map markers is engaging fun. Not least because of the combat. I have a minor criticism here that the combat feels slightly awkward on mouse and keyboard, the arrows never seem to go where I’m aiming, but aside from that the experience of fighting is a grand one. Enemies never lose their threat and I love the weak spot system the game employs which makes every tool useful in niche circumstance and rewards curiosity. It specifically manages this in a way that I feel the Witcher series could learn from if it ever returns; by making head on assault less viable and encouraging tactical hunting. I do feel this system makes hunting robots so fun that by contrast hunting humans becomes a chore however, though I noted this improves in the dlc with the addition of humans with elemental weaknesses limited in number as they are. I cannot speak for the story in entirety but what I encountered was pretty good, though I feel as if it was only just really getting going at the point where I could not continue. I find Aloy to be a compelling and well portrayed protagonist and though I can guess about her origin and the ultimate end of the alt-future apocalypse I still want to see how it plays out on screen, so will return to this as soon as I’ve fixed it.

Rimworld (122 hours. Familiar with but do not own Royalty Expansion):

Rimworld is one of those super special games that I don’t think I have a single problem with. Fair warning it can be brutal and is heavily dependent on RNG but this allows it to create truly unique and interesting scenarios on a constant basis. In the wider perspective it could be described as formulaic, with regular cycles of managing the settlement between raids and random events, but the devils in the details. Colonist traits, health and skills dictate how you play and sometimes you’ll be forced to adapt as some colonists simply refuse to perform some tasks. The depth of health particularly amuses me, in that each little part of someone’s body is modelled in a way. If you’re in a firefight you may take a single bullet which grazes your finger and you’re fine. Alternately it could pierce your human leather cowboy hat, your skull and kill you instantly and the game will tell you exactly what happened. The risk/reward element is addictive enough, and that’s without accounting for just how cool it is to see your colony slowly expand. Establishing more and more options for crafting is fun and shows off the full range of different items in the game which is fucking extensive. Between clothing, weapons, armour, sculpture and drugs to name only a few you have the opportunity to create many varied production lines either for your colonists or to trade for money and there is a lot of fun to be had here as well as it is quite satisfying to see psychoid you have grown personally become the cocaine your colonists snort to help them stay awake on limited sleep. From an archaeologist’s perspective it is especially cool to look back over your base and see the hints of how and why structures were built and remember the history of your limitations and development through structure. I think the lore of the universe is really cool too, a very 40k-esque kind of place except with far less order, somehow. But the universe does an excellent job of feeling alive and moving constantly on both a planetary and interstellar level. You can fully believe that while you build wooden shacks to shield yourself from terrifyingly low temperatures there are simultaneously rich pieces of shit living it up on the glitterworld that’s one system over. The music does an excellent job of creating the wild west frontier atmosphere the game cultivates to great effect. Ultimately, for just being a grid with a series of different numbers attached, this game does a fantastic job of creating a compelling, brutal and very real colony management experience. I dont think I can properly put into words the grandness and scope of this one. I didnt even mention the modding scene, which is expansive and tailors to basically any need you could have. The Rim is a terrifying place but theres so much fun to be had.

Factorio (86 hours, mostly 1.1): Having completed a game of Factorio I can tell you reliably that this is one of the best games ever made, thoroughly addictive and fun. If you like numbers, logistics, TRAINS, its gonna be your thing. Not to mention its probably the only documented case of a game with no bugs (so far as official forums are concerned). Strictly speaking this games combat is not the most engrossing thing but good lord do you feel it when you acquire a flamethrower. The way each aspect of the game (production, research, logistics, combat, upgrades for everything therein) feeds into the next is a really well constructed balancing act such that you must experience the full game in order to complete it and I always appreciate this kind of design. I think its one of the best tenets of factory game design especially as its something present in Satisfactory too. Beyond all of this generalised good the game is also excellent in its intricacies, the architecture necessary to build a maximum efficiency base, the level of planning and organisation that can be employed is mind-blowing. Not to mention the mod community, factorion is already an extensive experience and some mad bastards have seen fit to complicate it further, hats off to them. This really is a great moment in gaming.

 Destiny 2 (198 hours, all expansions, played some post Forsaken release, mostly Season of Arrivals onwards, spent roughly £20 on microtransactions):

This is a very interesting and enjoyable experience, but I must say it can be a bit controversial at times. What its does particularly well is moment to moment gameplay and design in all aspects. The game is stunning; between environments, cosmetics, shaders ships and ghosts there’s a vast range of incredible things to see, all rooted in the “pseudo-magi-science” aesthetic it’s got going on. The class design is excellent and you really do feel like you embody this rampaging madman / agile gunman / space wizard archetype, whichever you choose to play. The abilities, especially supers, are very satisfying. Everything has heft and power behind it which can be felt in all aspects of design; sound and animation is top notch. Movement is cool, you can feel how fast you move both on foot and in vehicles and the navigation has a little fun subtlety depending on your class jump, even if you can bounce unpredictably occasionally. But for the love of god why is the wall kick in there? It has only ever served to push me from a ledge into a bottomless pit. You're looking to remove antiquated content? Start there. Some guns are not so good to shoot but there’s such a great range of guns that are fun its like complaining about one drop in an ocean; and enemies are fun to shoot at, each faction distinct in meaningful ways and presenting an effective challenge. Speaking of oceans, that’s one way to describe the lore. I haven’t dived too deep but it keeps going down forever and everything I’ve read is intriguing. As a former Elder Scrolls lore nut this is something I could definitely sink my teeth into, though its much more of a pulpy sci-fi vibe than a pure nonsense vibe. I do think the game has a bit of a loot problem, primarily in regards to the conflict between high stats and looking good. This should never be a conflict, and yes you can apply ornaments to any purple gear but that’s not enough when I spend the entire time grinding power levels and thus must change armour and weapons on a constant basis to progress. This game needs a true transmog system and if not that, rethink how gear power level works. Perhaps rather than earning new instances of gear you always possess a version of it and the loot you acquire in missions just upgrades your instance to your current overall power level? This would serve to do away with the current upgrade system which I think is a needless additional grind. Perhaps it could be retained in using enhancement cores to empower gear as present but necessitating a whole upgrade module to keep your favourite weapon on hand is kind of painful honestly. There is also at present the issue of sunsetting gear, mildly controversial to say the least. If it’s necessary to streamline the game and make it function moving forward so be it but surely loot pools should be adjusted so you can actually get useful loot from older locations? And why sunset personal instances of gear which can be acquired at the regular power level anyway? I had to throw away my favourite bow and hunt down a new version of the exact same weapon for… what reason? I do think destination navigation leaves a little to be desired also. I get that having a physical hub world is meaningful but Destiny does not have a very extroverted community; I can count the times someone noticed me in the tower on one hand. And its not even like there’s fun activities to be found in the same sense as say Deep Rock Galactic, which really does take advantage of its hub. Perhaps for players who simply want to go about their business all of the vendors could be set into a menu system where just clicking an icon takes you to their menu from anywhere in the system rather than, per se, having to go through an entire loading screen (Which takes you to orbit and back) to reach a location which serves simply as the front for four menus. These are established player problems. As a dedicated PvE player I can say that this game is immensely fun in combat and growing in power does feel really good. It’s something I recommend getting into, there’s just some very large creases that need ironing which the Bungie should really take the time to address rather than pushing out new in game content every three months.

[curioussubjects]

So I did a season 15 rewatch and wanted to do a thought experiment

I know I often mention that the meta the corner of fandom I’m in has multiple points of entry, but I don’t think I ever just dumped plain text as a thought experiment before. Obviously, the parts of the text I decided to dump here are picked through a specific meta lens as well as being only a facet of the SPN text itself, since I only have the words and none of the complex visual language the show employs from set dressing to editing to acting -- and that’s a ton of info I’m omitting, I know, but generally speaking all text gets reduced to the writing even in the mytharc of the show itself, so it feels appropriate to use words on a page to do this. That said, this is just a start, and any analysis of SPN needs to take into account the full scope of the text beyond the words (with the one exception of a soundtrack pick in 15.10 because it’s too good to pass up).

Anyway, I started writing this as a simple “here look at this selection of very cursed quotations let’s cry” sort of self-indulgent thing, but then I thought, well, what if we could all take a pause from fandom stuff and finale anxiety in order to sit a little with one of the textual building block? What if we could even put a pin, for just a second, to the greater nuances and more involved abstraction about the text and think in bare bone terms? 

Of course, I have a reading here, but through the quotations I picked notice the repetition of themes, of words themselves. What is there? What is it telling us? Regardless of our personal wants and wishlists, whatever our feelings about what is and what should or shouldn’t be. And if we pluck these words and put them back in their context, what is the story trying to tell us? On its face, without any editorializing about what we think could happen maybe because we’ve all been burned by tv shows before. Or even do we really think the text seems so clumsy and lost and incompetent as some seem to think it is? 

Again, this collection is just on facet of the text. Think of it as a spring board, rock number 1. 

15.01

We were just rats in a maze. Sure, we could go left. Sure, we could go right. But we were still in the damn maze. Just makes you think, if all of it... you know, everything that we've done... What did it even mean?

It meant a lot. We still saved people.

When we win this, God's gone. Hm. There's no one to screw with us. There's no more maze. It's just us. And we're free.

We got work to do.

15.02

Chuck is all-knowing. He knew the truth, he... he just kept it to himself.

Even if we didn't know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck's machinations, how would we describe it all? We'd call it "life". Because that's precisely what life is. It's an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own moves.

I'll tell you what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck.

You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.

I'm done, Chuck. I've changed. I've adapted. I've... I've become the better me. And you? You are still the same... petulant, narcissistic. So... I'm leaving you here.

15.03

No, we’re gonna end this, Sam. Like you said. We’re gonna be free.

And I'm here, and you're here, and everything we need to end this right is in our hands.

But will you let the world die, let your brother die, just so I can live?

I've tried to talk to you, over and over, and you just don't want to hear it.  

Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other. I think it's time for me to move on.

15.04

Wow. So you’re still, um… [...]  Uh, obsessed with my work.

You mean my work.

So instead of reading your stories, I kept writing my own. [...]  Where the guys didn’t have to hunt monsters all the time. They just sit around and do laundry and talk, you know? I mean, that’s what people like the most, anyway.

… this is just an ending.

I can do anything. I’m a writer.

We are finally free to… move on, you know?

I don’t know. Uh… I-I don’t know if I can move on. You know, I-I-I… I can’t forget about any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I… I can’t just let that go.

15.06

Yeah. If I stay, nothing changes. It's time for me to get back in the game.

15.07

What would I do without you? Hmm? What would I do without my best friend?!

Angela was raptured, and I was left behind.

but... but best friends don't just up and leave without saying goodbye.

Listen to yourself. "We're owed." "We deserve." Come on, man. You're not God. Hell, God's not even God.

Then you fix it. You don't walk away. You fight for it.

15.08

No one hands you anything, darlin'. I took it.

Then one day, you die, you go to hell, they make you queen, and you can't make it right. So fix it!

Doing what we do, we've had to get used to losing people. Probably too used to it. With Adam, we said goodbye because we thought we had to. We were wrong.

Since when do we get what we deserve?

15.09

You just refused to hear it.

Maybe if you didn't just up and leave us.

I left, but you didn't stop me.

No, the Dean I know... the Dean who raised me -- he'd never give up, no matter how bad things got.

Well, he does. He will. This is the truth, Sam. This is what comes next. 

I hope you can hear me... that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go.

Okay, Cas, I need to say something.

You don't have to say it. I heard your prayer.

When we beat you, I will make it better!

But there's still so much about the fabric of the universe that you don't know... that you can't know. 'Cause you're only humans. But I'm God.

I wish you'd stay.

I wish I could. After what happened, I don't know what's real anymore.

I know that was real.

If we can't kill him or trap him...

... Well, then we find another way.

15.10

You know, go out young and pretty. But now I've got a great wife, great kids. I guess...sometimes things work out.

Yeah, sometimes. Good, man. You deserve it.

~Let's be outrageous  /  Let's misbehave~  

You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.

15.11

Beach read? Lady, I’m Tolstoy.

God created the world, but you know who created us gods? You did. You humans. Sort of.

How dare you not recognize his beneficence?

Our bad. Not his

I learned from my brother.

What is with you and these losers? They’re nothing! They don’t matter.

They matter to us.

Heroes. Like the old days. And, uh, she gave me a message. She said, “Don’t play his game. Make him play yours.”

Every day I wanted to come home, but… I couldn’t.

Billie kept him hidden in the Empty until Chuck went off world.

15.12

In the beginning, it was just me and sis. And it was fine. But I wasn’t satisfied. So I made more. I created the world.

So, I… I kept creating. I made… other worlds.

Those other toys, they don’t… they don’t… spark joy. But Sam and Dean… the real Sam and Dean… they do. They challenge me… they disappoint me… they surprise me. 

They’re… the ones.

You know, Kelly just had faith that Jack would be good for the world, and I felt it, too. I knew it. And then, when everything went wrong, and God took him from us… I was lost in a way I’ve never been before. Because I knew the story wasn’t over. I knew Jack wasn’t done. And I was right.

What sounds good to me is Jack fulfilling his destiny.

I thought I could leave her behind, but… she haunts me.

Her world looked peaceful. This place is… cold. I don’t understand it. I don’t know how to move through it. So, I just find empty spaces, and I hide. This world doesn’t want me. And I’m done with it.

We can fix this. You can help us. Please? Please.

Feels good. Disobeying cosmic entities, doing the, uh… dumb, right thing? Feels like we’re back.

I don’t belong in your world. You do. Go.

When I was a reaper, I believed in the rules. But then you killed me. And when I became Death, I inherited Death’s knowledge… and Death’s library. And in Death’s library, everyone has a book. Even God.

After God made the world, he couldn’t stop. He wanted more. But he needed to create a perfect harmony… a Swiss watch, so this world could keep tick, tick, ticking in his absence. He had no choice but to build himself into the framework. It’s his only weakness.

You and your brother have work to do. This is your destiny. You are the messengers of God’s destruction. 

15.13

Then there's no God, there's no Darkness. Nothing out of balance. World saved.

Okay, yeah, but then who takes over? Uh, Jack?

Probably not.

I used to feel things. In my bones. It was glorious, and sometimes unbearable. But I felt them. Now, I understand joy or sadness, but... I know those things aren't in me.

So it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.

A place... a thing... Whatever you want to call it, it's powerful.

Why do they call this place the Empty? This place is full. It's full of sorrow and despair playing over and over again, of angels and demons dreaming about their regrets. Forever.

Funny thing about her plan, though... she didn't say anything about needing you.

Maybe it's a key. It's a passage in Enochian. It says, um, loosely translated, "In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you."

This is the Garden. Man's beginning.

His prize creations, until he banished them and all of mankind from the perfection of the Garden. And he hid it away.

Who are you, really? Who are you meant to be?

That's the crossroads of divinity and humanity.

Please. Just please forgive me.

[365days365movies]

March 9, 2021: Orpheus (1950) (Part One)

Greek mythology was my first mythological love.

And yes, that is ironically a very cliché thing to say about Greek mythology, since it’s by FAR the most popular and well-known mythology in the Western world, but...what can I say, I’m a sucker for the classics.

When I was 6, my mom got me a copy of the Odyssey, followed by D’Aulaire’s Book of Greek Myths, and that book was my SHIIIIIIIIIIT. From the Titanomachy to the Trojan War, from Decaulion to Daedalus, from the Lernaean Hydra to Ladon, and from Zeus to Dionysus (my second favorite Olympian), I LOVE Greek mythology.

There have been countless adaptations of these stories over the last century of so, some better and more faithful than others. We got Blood of Zeus (which I...genuinely dislike) on Netflix last year, Lore Olympus is a fantastic webcomic and modernized retelling of the universe of stories in general (fuck Apollo, that’s all I have to say), Hercules by Disney is fun (though extraordinarily inaccurate), and who doesn’t like some Percy Jackson (the books, not the movies)?

Today’s entry won’t be the first of the Greek mythology stories this month; after all, it’s DEFINITELY fantasy, so there were going to be a few entries in here. Some will come pretty close to each other later this month, but for this one, we’re jumping forward 10 years from The Thief of Bagdad to 1950. Let’s get back to France, shall we?

Famous for his adaptation of Beauty and the Beast is Jean Cocteau, legendary French surrealist filmmaker. His stylings definitely capture a sort of practical magic, compounded with clever angles and fascinating visual and practical effects. It’s evident with the classic fairy tale, which I would’ve done this month had I not already seen it. So, instead, we’ll be looking at the middle film in a trilogy known as Cocteau’s Orphic trilogy. This is, apparently, the most important one. And that makes sense, since it’s focused upon...

Is Hadestown good? I’m real tempted to find a way to watch it, and it sounds like it’s just up my alley. I’ll probably check it out one of these days.

Orpheus was (maybe) the son of Calliope, the muse of poetry, and Apollo, god of music. Maybe. Parentage differs based on the retelling. No matter the parents, he was renowned for his charm and grace, as well as his voice and music. He was loved by animals, nymphs, and maidens alike. He was invited to be the Bard of Jason’s DnD group (AKA the Argonauts), and used Bardic Performance to inspire his comrades (and also helped them overcome the sirens by singing EVEN LOUDER).

But the one whom he loved most was his wife, Eurydice. Unfortunately, a satyr (AKA horny horned half-goat man) chased her right into a viper’s nest, where she was bitten and died. Orpheus was CRUSHED, and his song was so depressing that even the gods cried. They said, “Dude, go to the Underworld, get back your lady from Hades, please!” And he did.

Hades, the old romantic that he secretly is, agrees to let Eurydice’s soul, on one condition. That he doesn’t look back at her as she follows him out. Orpheus agrees, but the man can’t stop himself from looking back to make sure that she’s there. And she was...and then she wasn’t. So, our sad boi fucked up, and then...well, it’s spotty. 

See, some people say that he stopped worshipping Dionysus (his previous patron), and the wine boi’s female followers tore Orpheus to pieces as punishment. Some say that these same women got a liiiiiiiiiittle too into the Bacchanalia (think orgies, but religious and violent), and ripped him apart in a frenzy. And some say that he only took male lover from then on, and women tore him to pieces for not paying attention to them (also, possible homophobia). You know, it varies. Still, we can agree on the ripped apart by women thing. His head could still sing, and as the women threw his body parts into a river, it sang a song so beautiful that the rocks and branches in the river refused to strike it. His instrument of choice, a lyre, was eventually interred amongst the stars as the constellation Lyra.

The story of a pained artist searching for a lost love and losing her is all over the goddamn place, with the crazy-ass Moulin Rouge being a solid example of it.

But OK, let’s finally begin Orpheus, or Orphée to be more accurate. Gonna be a weird ride, I guarantee it. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

The story starts with a recap of the original myth, and notes that it doesn’t need to be limited  by time and place. This sort of story, after all, could happen anywhere and at any time. And in this case, that time and place are 1950s-era France, where we quickly meet famous poet Orpheus (Jean Marais).

At a café, he meets a friend, the Editor (Henri Crémieux), where they speak on Orpheus’ fame, which is not well-liked in a cafe frequented by poets. Also arriving there is a young drunken poet, Jacques Cégeste (Édouard Dermit), who is accompanied by his patron, known only as...the Princess (María Casares). Come on, guys, can we give our female characters names, please?

Anyway, Jacques quickly gets into a drunken brawl with other patrons, which leads to the arrival of the police at the café. They forcefully arrest him, but before they can, he’s hit by a couple of motorcycles, and potentially killed. The police bring Jacques back to the Princess’ car, with the help of her driver Heurtebise (François Périer). For unknown reasons, she summons Orpheus to help them. He agrees, and goes with them to the hospital.

Or he would be, if they were going there. Instead, as they drive off, Orpheus discovers that Jacques is dead already. They aren’t going to the hospital. Instead, they head to a mysterious mansion, as ominous and oblique poetry plays on the radio. They’re soon accompanied by the men on the motorcycles that killed Jacques, who work for the Princess. The plot fuckin’ THICKENS.

Back at her mansion, they bring the body of Jacques upstairs, much to the confusion of Orpheus, whom the Princess keeps calling stupid whenever he asks questions. However, he’s not proving her wrong, as she immediately convinces him that she’s actually dreaming at the moment. Although...maybe he is?

She sits in front of a mirror, which breaks...somehow. Frustrated, she commands Orpheus to wait there for her to return, as she goes to check on Jacques and her men. Like me, Orpheus is confused. This gets worse for me, though, as the Princess goes to the other room and tells the dead Jacques to get up. AND HE DOES. Well, Jacques’ a zombie, I guess. He identifies the Princess as “his Death”, which she agrees to. She tells him to hold on to her coat, and then...

...I got questions. I GOT QUESTIONS HERE.

They go through the mirror, and the Princess’ henchmen follow, just as Orpheus walks in. He also has questions, and he tries to go through the mirror, to no avail. Completely confused at this point, he passes out against the mirror, alone in the mansion. And then...he’s outside.

Yeah, he’s just outside now, and waiting there is Heurtebise, the chauffeur! Orpheus is freakin’ out, and Heurtebise has no answers for him, but has been told to take him back to town once he...arrived. OK. Still questions.

In town, the disappearance of Orpheus is being discussed by a police inspector, his wife Eurydice (Marie Déa), and her friend Aglaonice (Juliette Gréco). Aglaonice doesn’t seem to like Orpheus very much, as she’s trying to convince Eurydice that he’s cheating on her. And that’s hard to argue, since he was last seen with the Princess. However, just as there’s about to be a scandal reported by a spontaneously appearing journalist, Heurtebise and Orpheus arrive home.

After a rough encounter with the journalist, he arrives home to a relieved Eurydice, and an enraged Aglaonice, whom Orpheus also dislikes heavily. He’s apparently forbidden her from entering his house, and tells her off. The Inspector leaves too, and asks Orpheus to come to his office to discuss the matter of the missing Jacques.

Eurydice reminds Orpheus that Aglaonice is dangerous, as she runs...the League of Women. Well...I think we know what role Aglaonice is going to play by the end of this. Her and her League of Bacchanalian Women, get me? Yikes. Anyway, the conversation turns into an argument, when the EXTREMELY ornery Orpheus basically just storms off, being a DICK to his poor wife. And when he goes upstairs to his room, he actually sneaks out of the window.

Meanwhile, Heurtebise comes into the house to offer an alibi to the pained Eurydice. While she doesn’t quite believe it, the two share some time together and seem to bond. However, when he smells gas from the stove, Heurtebise lets it slip that he committed suicide by using a gas stove. He covers it up before Eurydice notices the slip-up, but...OK. So, “the Princess” is death. Going by the traditional Greek myth, she’s some form of psychopomp, and the world beyond the mirror is the Underworld, I can only assume. OK...I can dig it.

Orpheus, meanwhile, is at the car, listening to the strange radio poetry and writing it down. The, uh, “Princess” is busy as well. Like a ghost, she walks into the household and watches Orpheus as he sleeps. A narration refers to her as Orpheus’ death. Funny, I’m pretty sure that’s going to be Aglaonice’s role.

Two days later, Orpheus is increasingly obsessed with the poetry from the mysterious radio and its odd messages. While Eurydice seems to mock this obsession, Orpheus also seems to be far too enraptured in it. But, interestingly, the messages seem to be coming from nowhere known. However, it’s all beginning to affect their marriage greatly.

On the phone, the Inspector comes calling, and Eurydice asks Heurtebise to answer the phone. He does so, and soon after, we see the phone float into place, as if placed there by a ghost. That’s confirmed as Heurtebise phases to the outside from nothing, where he meets Orpheus and informs him of the message. The two decide to head to the Inspector in his car, rather than the mysterious talking car.

While Orpheus goes through town, looking for the Princess rather than the Inspector, there’s something that I wanted to mention here. Call it an interpretation. Apparently, Heurtebise is often considered an angel by critics and interpreters. However, I’m gonna suggest that he’s actually supposed to be a representation of Hermes, the messenger god and a psychopomp who escorted souls to the Underworld. Not sure about the Princess yet, but Cocteau apparently never meant for her to be portrayed as actual death. Interesting.

Meanwhile, at the Inspector’s office, both Aglaonice and Orpheus’ poet friends (supposedly) are accusing Orpheus of being involved in Jacques’ disappearance. The Inspector turns them away, just as Heurtebise and Orpheus reconvene in town. While Orpheus didn’t find the Princess, Heurtebise says that she came by, saying that he could stay with the married couple for now.

Speaking of the Princess, we see her at night, staring over Orpheus. And her eyes are...strange. They seem artificial, and it bothers the EVER-LOVING SHIT out of me. And the whole affair isn’t helping Eurydice either, as she’s tired of Orpheus’ obsession with the car, and is planning on going to Aglaonice for advice. Heurtebise tries to stop her from doing so, but she insists. But when she goes...the motorcyclists come for her. And she’s dead. As proven when the Princess arrives through the mirror.

Alongside her comes Jacques, acting as the Princess’ servant. She notes to him that their work isn’t easy, and couldn’t be done if she were dressed in the way the humans portray her. So, she is seemingly Death, or at least an aspect of Death. Obviously, as we’re talking about the Greek story, we can assume that she’s meant to be Hades in particular. But, we’ll see. It’s also confirmed, by the way, that the mysterious messages are indeed Jacques’ poetry, recited by him on the radio waves from beyond the grave. Neat.

Heurtebise is clearly upset with what’s just happened to Eurydice. He asks if the Princess actually had orders to kill Eurydice. She avoids the question, and guesses correctly that Heurtebise has fallen in love with Eurydice. He confirms this, and counters with the fact that the Princess has seemingly fallen in love with ORPHEUS. The plot fucking THICKENS.

Good place to pause, I think. Halfway mark and all. See you in Part Two!

[leapingtitan]

The Final Season - Episode 1 Thoughts

I've watched the first episode around 3 times on my own and over a dozen times from anime-only live reactions on YouTube. Those are always something to have a field day with every season, and are part of the whole enjoyment post-watching the episode on your own.

Obviously I'm only reviewing this based on the first episode, so it's way too early to judge The Final Season as a whole. However, I will say that my strategy to keep my expectations low definitely worked. I was very hyped, don't get me wrong, but after Season 3 Part 2, I realized that production and scheduling has never been this show's strong suite and things behind the scenes were always chaotic. And it was my mistake to realize it this late and have unrealistically high expectations of the manga's adaptation.

But enough about that. I'm just gonna say it right now. I absolutely loved this episode and was completely blown away by it. It was a rollercoaster ride from start to finish and boy, the staff wasn't kidding when they said the first episode was like a movie. It definitely felt like that, and it went by in a flash. Now, on to the individual points.

Story/Adaptation

Flawless. Everything was executed perfectly and went beyond my expectations. The thing that stood out to me the most was how many things were changed from the PV in terms of scene construction, camera angles, and overall storyboards. There was only one shot that we reused from the PV, namely the one with Zeke and Reiner inside the airship where they're referred to as the spear and shield. Everything else was redone, which was a huge surprise. Wit was always very faithful to the original manga panels with how they used them as a big reference for most of their cuts, but this one changes them up a lot. Personally, I am 100% fine with it and as someone who has read these chapters in the manga dozens of times over the past few years, seeing them like this was a pleasant and very welcome surprise.

The anime-only additions here are notable and also quite welcome. Falco's line in the beginning in particular stood out the most in the long-run, but the addition of the Eldians' terror being shown as well as the scene before the ED was very welcome. I would like to assume that this was Isayama's doing as whenever the anime usually adds/changes up things, it's his request to do so. He sort of considers the anime to be the "definitive" version of the story that he, for one reason or another, couldn't do in the manga himself when that particular chapter came out. Season 3 Part 1 (The Uprising Arc) is a prime example for this. Once again, I'm very content with what was done here and I trust MAPPA will do the story justice.

A small but very neat thing is the fact that we got to keep the title cards and the info eyecatches mid-episode. Really added to the whole sense of consistency.

Animation

When the initial trailer came out, many people were concerned about Shigeki Asakawa (Director of Photography)'s odd and excessive usage of blur filters on top of the scenes and were wondering if they would remain in the final product, given her track record with other shows like The God of Highschool. Luckily, that is not the case here as the scenes look very clean and the minimal blur on top adds a bit to the muddy/gritty atmosphere of what's going on. Personally, I don't mind it at all and I barely notice it anyway. MAPPA's biggest strength to me is the usage of effects like blood and explosions. You feel the impact of everything and with such an action-packed episode, it made everything so much better.

The usage of 3D CGI for the Titan Shifters has been the biggest controversy surrounding this first episode. When I first watched it, it didn't bother me at all. Personally I care more about a model fitting in the action sequence rather than how it looks for the most part. Right now I would say I'm neutral. It's not the greatest CG ever conceived in anime but it definitely does not look out of place and is pretty decent. For the Jaw Titan, I couldn't tell what was CG and what wasn't for the most part. For the other Titans it's more obvious, but it's not too jarring. Obviously, if it was up to me and the production committee/NHK didn't push their scheduling shenanigans onto MAPPA, I would have gotten every Titan in 2D, but you can't have everything. If they choose to focus on more important scenes later on and cut corners in this first episode as a result, that's understandable. I can live with it. And again, even then, it's not that bad in my eyes.

Now, the character designs are just absolutely stellar. In multiple interviews, it’s been stated that they wanted to stay true to Kyoji Asano’s designs at Wit while also being consistent with Isayama’s style in the manga. And boy did they absolutely nail it. It’s exactly what as they said. Tomohiro Kishi could not have done a better job with the characters we’ve seen so far and I am beyond impressed with his work. I look forward to seeing the rest of the characters in this arc.

Sound

I've been following Kohta Yamamoto's works for a few years now, ever since he started working with Sawano (and being mentored by him to an extent) in early 2017. Although he's been involved with AoT before, particularly with the character songs in Season 2, whenever those two would collaborate on a project it would usually be because Sawano is too busy to compose a full soundtrack. So what usually happens is, Sawano does one track and variations of it (think ShingekiNoKyojin, ThanksAT and T-KT), and nothing else. Meanwhile, Yamamoto handles the rest of the music for the show. On top of that, Yamamoto's style as a composer is different from Sawano's as he comes from a rock/guitarist background as opposed to Sawano, who is a pianist and is classically trained. My biggest concern for The Final Season was that we would get a similar case as with the other shows where Sawano doesn't put in too much effort, while Yamamoto essentially becomes the main composer. Although it looks like this is in fact the case after this first episode, let me explain why I don't think it's a bad thing.

After the premiere of the first episode, both Sawano and Yamamoto tweeted that it was in fact Yamamoto who is handling the majority of the Marley Arc's music. And after this first episode, I have to say I'm impressed. His initial track that he made for the PV was a bit off-putting to me because it sounded like every epic blockbuster Hollywood trailer background track ever, but after the way it was used in this episode alongside a few other tracks, I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. It fits what's going on, and overall delivers a fresh sound to the show that is very appropriate given the massive change in narrative. Back during S3 Part 1, Sawano stated in an interview that he was already burned out and had trouble coming up with new music for AoT given how many tracks he had already composed for it. Given how few new melodies were in S3 Part 2;s music, I think this should be clear. Especially now that we're going into yet another season. To summarize, I think Yamamoto's work here is a result of three conditions that just happened to line up perfectly. The change in narrative, which the new composer style reflects. Sawano being busy. And Sawano being burned out with AoT. Now personally I still believe we're going to get at least one new original Sawano track with variations of it for the big climax moments this arc, and he may compose more music for the 2nd half of this 16-episode season, since that's technically a new arc. But we'll see. As a whole though, I'm satisfied with what I've heard from Kohta Yamamoto in this first episode.

The last point to make in regards to the sound is Masafumi Mima who, apart from Sawano, the voice cast, and some freelancers, is the only one from the previous seasons' staff members to return here. And once again, his work here is absolutely phenomenal. The mixing and usage of sound effects in this episode was stellar and truly felt like I was watching a war movie. It enhanced the action tenfold and I could not want it any better. Music usage is something that goes through the director (Yuichiro Hayashi), but ultimately the sound director is the one who implements the track (instrument layering/stem editing) and does the mixing. The usage of Kohta Yamamoto's music here was very well done, and although the track from the PV repeated quite a bit, it didn't get repetitive at all. Also, the sound director remaining consistent here means we got to keep things like the titan transformation sound effects, which may be a small thing but was very welcome and added to the whole consistency.

Opening/Ending

I'm gonna wait until Shinsei Kamattechan releases the full version of the opening in a single or album to fully judge the song, but boy do I love this opening. Although I'm not sure if the TV-size version is my favorite AoT opening yet, I have to say that it's without a doubt the most fitting OP this show has had until this point. It perfectly showcases the themes of war that this arc focuses on and has this lowkey disturbing eerie vibe with the dissonant chords and mixing of the vocals that feels just as "mysterious" and "tense" as the show itself. I love it so much, honestly. Now, Isayama was a fan of Shinsei Kamattechan prior to them doing the S2 ED, and was the one who got them on-board to do it. Although that song isn't really my thing it's also a perfect fit, which leads me to believe that Isayama himself most likely chose the band again, namely to do this OP. And it's fantastic. I love the song. The visuals also have a very distinct style with all the colors and white backgrounds and I love how it's more metaphorical and symbolic (I guess "abstract" as well?) rather than flat-out just spoiling everything like the last arc's OP did.

The ED by Yuko Ando is fantastic. The first time I listened to the full song on its own I couldn't stop getting chills. Love the production aspects of the song and it's just really nice altogether. The visuals are quite interesting especially towards the end and I also like them a lot. Not much else to say about the ED. It's amazing. Go listen to it.

Conclusion

As a whole, I kept my expectations extremely low prior to the premiere despite my hype. As a result of that, not only were they exceeded, I was absolutely blown away by this first episode in pretty much every way. It may still be too early to judge, but from what has been shown here so far, I am absolutely looking forward to see MAPPA adapt the rest of this amazing story, or about as far as they can get with 16 episodes.

[krolock-in-the-snowlock]

I watched Broadway’s Dance of the Vampires so you don’t have to

Ever wondered how bad the broadway version actually is? Now’s your chance to find out, my friend...

So about a month ago, I came across a bootleg of the broadway show and, because it was late and I am a Certified Idiot, I decided to watch it and write down my thoughts. Having heard how bad it was, I knew to expect a train wreck, but I had no idea just how much of a train wreck it was going to be until I pressed play and witnessed something that truly cannot be described in words.

I was originally just going to post my whole list of thoughts but it ended up being over 5000 words (many of which were me screaming NO and wHYYY) so I’ve put it in a separate post, so click that link if you want to read it in its entirety!

Instead, I’ve decided to do a (slightly) shorter summary of ‘highlights’, if they can really be called that, with a kind of silly score for each ‘category’. A review, if you will. I’m sure I’ll have missed some things, but this should hopefully at least give you an idea of what exactly they did to poor Tanz der Vampire. Still, I apologise for the length of this in advance - I just had a lot of thoughts, okay?

A quick disclaimer: While I have seen clips of producations of Tanz from various countries, I’ve only seen the whole production once - the Berlin bootleg from somewhere around 2009-11 - so I’ll mostly be comparing with that!

I know the broadway musical is a big taboo subject, so I’m not expecting many, if any, to actually read any of this. But if you ever wondered how bad it was and didn’t want to have to actually watch it, this post is for you!

So, without further ado…

The Characters: -7/10

Let me begin by saying that many of the characters bear almost no resemblance to the originals. The worst case, of course, is with Giovanni von Krolock. A cringeworthy caricature, his awful faux-Italian accent, terrible jokes and horrifying bat form make him the polar opposite of what Krolock is supposed to be. In my notes, I actually referred to him as Giovanni rather than Krolock, because this is not Krolock; where Krolock is mysterious, aloof, powerful, and occasionally slightly sarcastic, Giovanni is silly, makes puns in nearly every line, and commands no respect or fear whatsoever. I resent that I began to ironically enjoy mocking him by the time I’d finished watching it.

Alfred is absurdly confident and confrontational, and narrates everything he writes in his journal (and tbh is probably a closeted bi). Sarah now apparently has friends and is allowed to leave her room. Koukol doesn’t exist, and is replaced by a man that Krolock hypnotises, who sometimes acts like a dog. Herbert is French, ridiculously stereotypical, and there is a very poor attempt from Krolock at pronouncing his name in a French accent. The other characters are fortunately mostly the same as the originals, although not entirely.

The Music: 2.5/10

Oh, the music… how do I begin?

Long story short, it was generally horrible. Multiple songs were cut entirely, and others were mashed together into strange frankensongs. The opening song, for instance, is completely different (and was what immediately made me realise I’d made a terrible mistake in deciding to watch it). The lyrics were mostly not as interesting as the original German lyrics, and often had less syllables, so the songs often felt empty and drawn out.

Many of the songs had slightly different overall meanings/purposes to their German counterparts, and I though that songs like Total Eclipse and Invitation to the Ball were way too sappy and romantic, lacking any of the drama and tension of Totale Finsternis and Einladung zum Ball. Krolock had been so ridiculous the whole time that Die Unstillbare Gier sadly could never have worked, even if the lyrics had been better. The singing itself was actually pretty good from what I remember, which was the only thing that saved the music, but Krolock’s horrible accent ruined many of the songs he was in. There was so much potential for it to be good if they’d just done a faithful adaption…...

I could go on forever about the music (as I do in my full commentary) but that would probably need a whole new post! So instead let’s move on to…

The Costumes: 2/10

Boring. Sarah’s red ball gown is nice enough, but all of the other vampires’ costumes are painfully simple and poorly designed. Krolock lacks a cape for most of the musical (which is a crime), Herbert is dressed in a hideous bright blue coat and an aggressively yellow wig, and the finale costumes are just simple black leather coats. It all lacks any of the detail or, in Herbert’s case, sparkle, of any of the other versions of the costumes that I’ve seen. While I should probably note that this was in 2002, it is still noticeably simpler than other productions of Tanz around the same time. Krolock also lacks his usual makeup, and Herbert’s is just ugly. And Krolock’s top hat in the opening? Why???

The Staging: -5/10

When they aren’t dancing, most of the ‘staging’ is just the characters at opposite sides of the stage facing each other. It doesn’t matter what is supposed to be happening in the scene, or the message of the song; they just... stand there. Occasionally, if you’re lucky, the characters might stand next to each other, but such close proximity is a rare occurrence in Dance of the Vampires, saved mostly for Alfred or Krolock with Sarah or Herbert and, in a strange duet about books, Krolock and Professor Ambronsius.

Krolock does pretty much nothing in Die Unstillbare Gier, and the staging for Einladung zum Ball was very confusing, at least when they weren’t just standing still. Sarah’s bedroom inexplicably becomes a cloudy place with no floor, and it was never quite clear whether the scene was a dream or not. Considering the rest of the musical, either possibility is honestly equally likely. At one point at the start of the first act, Krolock literally rises out of the ground in a huge coffin. I could go on. Also the sponge Krolock gives Sarah is a fraction of the size of the one he gives her in the original, which I like to think is a metaphor for the broadway production itself.

The Sets: 3/10

While not accurate to any other versions at the time or since, a couple of the sets were admittedly quite pretty (though still not quite on Kentaur’s level). However, there was no inn structure for the first act, and some of the sets were quite limited. One of the most popular (and nicest) sets in the second act is a huge stairway covered in a frankly impractical number of candles.

In the finale, despite the characters on multiple occasions declaring that the story takes place in Transylvania in “18something”, the background is for some reason Times Square with all of its neon signs (which I’m pretty sure did most certainly not exist in the 1800s). Whether a huge location change and time skip of a couple hundred years has taken place or whether the directors and set designers finally gave up trying to make the story make sense, I have no idea.

Worst Moments:

I just had to include this section! These are only a few of the worst and/or most bizarre moments I could pick out. I’m sure there’s more that I forgot but here are some (read: quite a few) of my favourites:

Krolock, wearing a top hat, rising from the ground in a giant coffin before saying, “God has left the building”

Krolock appearing as a hideous animated bat thing

Sarah and her friends getting high on mushrooms in the opening

The fact that Sarah’s birthday is on Halloween at midnight during the total eclipse of the moon

Krolock offering Alfred a sponge shaped like a penis then slowly tilting it down when Alfred says no

Ambronsius decorating Sarah’s room in Halloween decorations to scare off Krolock

Krolock genuinely being convinced that Sarah is a literal princess until he visits her room

Krolock and Ambronsius harmonising about books together

The big grey winged gargoyle demons dancing on the bed during Carpe Noctem

Krolock repeatedly dressing in a big grey dress and pretending to be his own mother/wife/who even knows what

Alfred angrily threatening Krolock, followed by Krolock physically attacking Alfred (this happens on more than one occasion)

The nonsense ‘prophecy’ they randomly introduce

“I use my body as a bandage, I use my body as a wound” (and this is instead of “Ich will frei und freier werden, und werde meine Ketten nicht los”) WHAT DOES IT MEAN

Koukol-replacement saying, “Okay, here he is, the man you’ve all been waiting for, his excellency… the Count von Krolock!) and Krolock waving and pointing like a rockstar as he kisses people walking down the stairs to the ball

Krolock dramatically dying on the stairs at the end of the ball for a solid minute

The Good Parts

Surprisingly, there were a few redeeming features!

Firstly, the couple of songs where they kept things very similar to the source material (such as Knoblauch) were actually quite good at times. Unfortunately, this isn’t to say that they were necessarily good, but compared to the less faithful parts they were a nice surprise, even if Knoblauch was never my favourite song from Tanz.

The singing itself was generally pretty good too! I also hate to admit that I did at times find myself laughing a little at the awful jokes.

And... uhh...

...yeah, that’s about it...

Some Highlights From My Notes:

And finally, here are some out of context quotes from my notes that I feel sum up the musical quite well:

It sounds like he’s about to start a really sad rave

I was gonna roast the lyrics some more but I’m gonna be honest I’m not sure what he’s saying

This feels on the same level of what kind of acid trip hallucination parallel universe have I landed in as seeing the Cats film in the cinema

Is this actually Deadpool in disguise with all the fourth wall breaking

Crawford looks like he regrets everything and can I just say Michael so does everybody else

He looks like a potato or a rock or that neutral nicolas cage face that people put on the sequin cushion

This sounds like a poorly written Krolock/reader wattpad fanfic

Giovanni would highkey be like lol arent i so random rawr xd on myspace

He might as well have said, “Itsa me, Mario”

They’re just stood there like two pigeons aimlessly squawking at each other

Alfred is like a chihuahua with small dog syndrome barking at a bigger dog, except Giovanni is barely bigger and is a flea-infested Chinese Crested dressed in a cheap Halloween costume

The throne glides like a magic carpet only it doesn’t leave the ground so I suppose it’s actually more like a chair with wheels, which is much less exciting

He just stands there like a poorly-dressed rock

-22/10 would not listen again

Final Comments:

So, if you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading and I hope that was somewhat informative and/or entertaining for you! It took me weeks to get through the whole musical because I couldn’t stand watching it for too long at a time, and maybe you can see why! Like I said at the start of this monster of a post, there’s probably a lot that I’ve forgotten to mention, so if you’re unfortunate enough to have seen any of this car crash of a musical, feel free to add your thoughts! :D

[shadowphoenixrider]

(I wrote more Katla/Kabu stuff because why the hell not. Sometime after this fic here. Katla is 26 years old.)

“Alright Sirfetch’d, finish it off! Brick Break!” Katla cried.

The Wild Duck Pokemon uttered a loud cry, charging into the fray. His Snorlax opponent swung out an arm to stop him, only for Sirfetch’d to parry the blow with his leek shield, accompanying sword glowing bright white.

“Sir-fetch’d!” He slashed the sword up and into Snorlax’s immense belly, causing the Sleeping Pokemon to utter a deep, defeated moan, tottering back before crumpling to the floor with a loud thud.

“And you win again...” Hop groaned, returning his Pokemon back to its Pokeball as their impromptu crowd erupted into applause.

“Yup.” Katla smiled, giving her Sirfetch’d an affectionate pat on the head before she too returned him to his ball. “But you don’t do too bad for yourself, Hop. Get your Pokemon rested up, and you’ll be ready to take on Gordie straight away.”

The younger man brightened, scratching the back of his head.

“You really think so, mate?”

“Sure!” The young woman nodded, slipping her hands into her hoodie pockets. “You gave me a good fight, and I’ve only just come out of there. So you’ll be just fine. Go for it!”

“Alright!” Hop grinned widely, already on the move again. “Look out Gordie, here I come!”

Sonia chuckled, shaking her head as the young trainer bounded away.

“Seems like he finally shook off that gloom.” She commented. “I’m glad - Leon’d worry if Hop wasn’t feeling alright.”

“Yeah.” Katla nodded, hiding her scowl. One of these days I’m going to give Bede what he deserves. “I worry too. Kid’s a ball of sunshine. If I can keep him blazing bright as long as I can, I will.”

“Sure.” Sonia nodded, curling her orange hair around her finger. “You wouldn’t want your rival to be down in the dumps, after all.” The trainer was about to retort it had more to do with the fact he was her friend when the researcher continued: “Anyway, I’m planning to look into things in the Slumbering Weald a little more. See ya!”

Katla waved her goodbye, noticing that the crowd that had mostly dispersed now the action was over, chattering excitedly about the two Gym Challengers, and who they were supporting in the upcoming matches. The trainer hadn’t expected a history lesson to have resulted in a Pokemon battle, but when Hop was raring to go, there was little that could dissuade him. At least everything was still as they found it.

She was about to make her own way towards the Pokemon Centre when she glimpsed a familiar black and red coat, just visible behind one of the ancient stone columns. Her heart skipped a beat, and the trainer wandered idly over, pretending to just pass by.

“Hey stranger,” she said, glancing at the older man out of the corner of her eye. “Shall we find somewhere a little quieter?”

“Lead on.” His soft, deep voice replied, his smile clear within.

The pair walked away from the Hero’s Bath, making their way through Circhester’s numerous winding streets until they found an empty patch of land on the edge of town, a copse of snow-laden trees guarding them from curious eyes.

“I did not expect to find you and Hop having a Pokemon battle in the middle of the Hero’s Bath.” Kabu commented, a warm smile on his lips. “Especially so soon after your stupendous battle with Gordie.”

Katla blushed, chuckling shyly.

“O-Oh well, it wasn’t anything special, just a nice tough fight, went through all the motions...”

“Perhaps, but I'm very glad I had the good fortune to be in the crowd.” Kabu replied. “To witness the bond between you and your Pokemon is a privilege, whichever side of the field I’m on.”

“Aw, thanks.” Her face was burning up now, despite the chill in the air. “But you’re definitely flattering me now.”

“Nonsense.” His smile widened, twinkling in his eyes. “I am merely giving a masterful trainer the honours she deserves.”

“Stooop!” Katla giggled, waving a hand at him. “I’m not toast, don’t butter me up like this!”

The Gym Leader chuckled, making her heart skip its next beat and Murkrow feet crinkle in the corners of his eyes.

“You’re fun to tease, Katla,” he said, something soft to his tone that made her heart do a somersault, another in the series of gymnastics it was apparently performing.

“Don’t tell me the only reason you were watching us fight was to torment me later.” She replied, trying to salvage some composure from the situation.

“In truth, I was hoping to cross paths with you again.” Kabu said. “It was lucky coincidence that I happened to notice your sparring with Hop.” His smile widened. “More so that we now have this fleeting time to ourselves.”

“Yeah.” The young woman nodded, glancing around them. Aside from the occasional soft whisper of wind through the trees, the snow absorbed all sound, cloaking the pair with silence. “It’s nice. Just wish it was warmer.”

“Yes. I like to think I have adapted to Galar’s fickle weather patterns, but I have never managed to insulate myself from the cold, especially here.” The Gym Leader commented, creases appearing between his eyebrows. “You’re not too cold, are you Katla? We can find somewhere warmer if you need-”

“Oh no no!” She replied hurriedly, pulling her hoodie a little tighter around herself. “I’m alright, thanks Kabu. I just...I’m not really a fan of chilly places either. The only place I went to that had an Ice type gym that wasn’t freezing cold was Mahogany Town in Johto, and even that place had a chill in the air.” Katla gave a lopsided smile. “I guess that’s why I don’t tend to have many Ice type Pokemon. Prefer the heat over the cold.”

“Perhaps.” Kabu’s concerned frown remained for a moment, before he opened his arm out to her. “Regardless, if you are cold, come a little closer. I’m told I run hot.”

Katla hesitated for a moment, glancing behind her. Yet, safe in the knowledge that no-one would see them at a cursory glance, she took his offer, moving to stand at his side. To her surprise, he curled his arm around her, pulling her close into his body. Katla felt herself warm up, but she didn’t think it was just from Kabu’s heat.

There was a pause.

“Better?” He asked softly.

“Yeah. Thank you.” She shifted slightly closer, noting how nicely her body fit against his.

Another brief moment of silence passed between them before Kabu spoke again.

“You’ll be leaving for Spikemuth tomorrow, I presume?”

Katla nodded.

“Yeah. Hopefully it’s a little warmer than this place.”

“Once you pass through the icy stretch of Circhester Bay, you will be pleased to find it warms up again.” Kabu smiled. “Unlike the other towns and cities you have been to, however, it lacks a Power Spot.”

“Oh, so no Dynamaxing, then.” The trainer lifted a shoulder, smirking. “No skin off my back - pretty much back to basics for me.”

The Man of Fire’s smile was amused.

“Of course. Then Piers should pose little challenge for you.”

“Oh no, the last time I was that confident was against Opal, and, well, we know how well that went.” Katla replied, glancing away. “Besides, considering he’s just behind Raihan in rankings without access to a Power Spot, that probably means he’s a force to be reckoned with.”

She swore she saw Kabu’s silver eyes sparkle.

“Very perceptive. Now I see another facet in what makes you such a skilled trainer and Gym Challenger.”

Katla blushed.

“C’mon Kabu, we’ve been over this! Stop buttering me up.” As the older man chuckled, a thought suddenly occurred to her. “Wait. I don’t remember a Piers. He wasn’t at the opening ceremony, was he?”

“You’re correct, he wasn’t.” Kabu sighed. “Piers is very...independent. He and Chairman Rose have clashed numerous times. Piers cares deeply for the future of Spikemuth, and he blames the town’s misfortunes on its lack of a Power Spot.” The Gym Leader shook his head. “Whilst he prefers to keep to himself, it is clear to see the issue troubles him deeply. I only wish I could offer him answers for his problems.”

“I can understand why he’d probably not want to go to the opening ceremony, then.” Katla commented. “What does he specialise in?”

“Dark types.” The older man replied.

“Huh.” The younger woman hummed. “Reminds me of a guy I met in Alola. Kinda abrasive and aloof, but deep down you knew he really gave a shit.”

For a moment, she let images swim up from her memory - red eyes; glowing in the dark, a smirk; full of promise, his face between- and then she quickly pushed them down again, blinking hard and hoping that she wasn’t blushing. Again.

She glanced back up at Kabu, who was looking down at her thoughtfully, his eyes glazed as his gaze was turned inwards. His face didn’t betray his thoughts, however, when he resurfaced.

“Yes. Indeed...” A small smile pulled at his lips. “I don’t suppose I need to ask you if you've ever fought Dark types before, do I?”

“No.” Katla replied. “I’ve fought them before, and the Alola guy was specialised in them, so I know what they’re like in the hands of a master.” And weren’t those hands masterful- she quickly squelched that thought by adding: “Trouble. Very troublesome. I was lucky to beat him. Which is why I’m not gonna get drawn in to thinking I’ve already got this.” She stuffed her hands into her hoodie pockets. “Like I said, learned my lesson the last time.”

“Of course.” Kabu nodded. “Yet forewarned is forearmed.” His smile widened. “I have every faith that you will do well against Piers, Katla. I look forward to seeing your match.”

“T-Thanks.” The young woman couldn’t help but smile shyly, her face flushing. “It means a lot to hear you say that. I’ll do my best.”

The Gym Leader nodded again, satisfied, and a brief silence settled around them, like the snow that was beginning to fall.

“Guess you’ve got stuff to be getting back to as well.” Katla said, looking up at him.

“Yes. I will be taking a taxi back to Motostoke this evening to resume my duties. There are still trainers attempting my Gym Challenge, though it will not be long before their window of opportunity will close.” His silver eyes slid over to meet hers, a smile pulling at his lips. “I don’t think it will be long before at least two trainers will qualify for the Semifinals.”

The trainer arched an eyebrow at him.

“Putting the cart before the Mudbray a little there, Kabu. I’ve gotta beat Piers and Raihan. Either one could put an end to it.”

“Perhaps.” Kabu turned to face her properly, reaching out to gently take her hands. “But I have faith you can do it. I see the spark in your eyes, Katla. You have a burning flame that cannot be extinguished. I sensed it when I first met you, and felt it in our battle. I am sure you will make it through to the Semifinals.”

‘The Ever-Burning Man of Fire’ seemed an appropriate moniker for the Hoenn Gym Leader, with the way his touch seemed to cause Katla’s face and heart to heat up, the latter skipping a beat. His smile was as warm as his hands, and for a moment, they remained like this, Katla wondering how fate had brought her to this point in time.

And then Kabu leaned closer, paused, before he tentatively pressed a kiss to her lips. It only took a second, maybe just two, but the heat it caused, rippling out from the Galar trainer’s heart, seemed to sharpen every sense she possessed as if Katla had awoken from the deepest, most restful slumber she’d ever had.

She blinked Rowlet-ishly up at him, noticing the older man’s sheepish expression - despite his bold move, a blush was beginning to darken across his cheeks, and he glanced away.

Suddenly his scarf poked its head up, peering up at him with an inquisitive: ‘Si?’ Kabu’s blush darkened, and he chuckled at his little companion’s confusion, Katla unable to resist giggling too.

“It’s alright, little one,” he said softly, stroking the Radiator Pokemon’s flat head with his finger. “Be at peace.” The Sizzlipede’s eyes closed, and it trilled with pleasure before returning to its duty around Kabu’s neck, the young woman wondering if her blood was made of magma, the amount of warmth she could feel leaking from her heart.

“Looks like you took your friend by surprise.” Katla spoke, and almost kicked herself for trying to make light of the situation. He smiled shyly, an expression she never thought she’d ever see on the older man’s face.

“Yes. And several others.” He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure. “I...I apologise, Katla. That was...foolish of me.”

“No no, it wasn’t.” She shook her head, stepping closer. “You surprised me, sure, but, but it wasn’t unwelcome.” If she kept blushing like this, her face was going to get stuck this way. “I liked it.”

The trainer had to admit it was amusing to see his composure slip out of his fingertips again, his blush creeping across his face.

“Oh? Are you sure? I don’t want to- you mustn’t feel like you should accept my advances because-”

“Kabu.” It was Katla’s turn to grasp his hands, squeezing them between her own. “It’s fine. If I didn’t want it, you would know.” A pause, deciding not to provide the example. “I promise, I will let you know if we start going too fast or too far. I know this might be the first relationship I’ve ever been in, but I’m twenty six - I’ve been around long enough to know what I want and who I want it with.”

Her blue eyes met Kabu’s grey, the older man watching her intently. “Trust me, please?”

“I do.” He nodded. “I’m just-” A pause. “Forgive me, Katla. I worry.”

“I know.” She squeezed his hands again. “It works both ways, though. If you feel uncomfortable, or like I’m the one going too fast or too far, you let me know too, okay?”

“Of course. Of course.” He replied, giving her hands an answering, if more tentative squeeze. Another pause, before a shy smile graced his lips. “For this being your first relationship, you show considerable wisdom.”

“Heh, I’ve just been working from what I picked up from various places.” Katla chuckled weakly. “I’m pretty sure I’ve still got a lot to learn.”

“As have I.” Kabu smiled, giving her hands one last squeeze before he pulled away. “Anyway, I fear I have taken up more than enough of your time, Katla. My apologies.”

“It’s fine, Kabu. I’m more worried that I’ve been the one taking up your time, with you being a Gym Leader and everything.” A half-smile pulled at her lips. “But, before you go...”

As the Hoenn man gave her a quizzical look, Katla leaned up and pressed her own kiss to his lips, unable to hide her smile as he blinked widely, his blush starting to reappear on his cheeks.

“...Oh.” He uttered quietly, lifting a hand as if to touch an imprint she left behind.

“I, I better go.” Katla said, stepping away. “I-It’s been nice chatting with you, Kabu. We’ll talk again sometime soon, yeah?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” The Gym Leader replied. “Safe travels, Katla. Best of luck for Piers.”

“Safe journey back to Motostoke!” She waved, before turning to walk back into Circhester, trying restrain the excited skip in her step.

---

“Siiizz?” Kabu had been watching the young woman leave when his Sizzlipede called to him again, having uncurled just enough to give him a Look, one that he couldn’t quite identify.

Despite the cold snow settling over his bench coat and into his hair, his face felt as hot as his Pokemon’s belly scales, and Kabu swore his lips were still tingling from Katla’s kiss. He managed a lopsided smile at his companion.

“It’s, it’s fine, little one,” he said, again, although he found his gaze drifting back to where the trainer had gone. “She’s just...a very special friend.”

The Radiator Pokemon did not look convinced this time, tilting its head and quivering its fiery moustache. Kabu sighed softly.

“Perhaps...Perhaps a bit more than that.” He admitted.

[thereadingchallengechallenge]

End of the Decade Favourite Book Tag

omg @bookcub this is such a cool idea! let’s see how well I remember reads pre-2015 😅

1. High fantasy books that are obsession-worthy idk if it’s all the way to obsession-worthy but y’all have gotta have a go at the Lightbringer series by Brent Weeks. it’s complete now with 5 incredibly long books but the characters are dynamic and the worldbuilding is awesome and I can’t wait to finally finish it in 2020!

2. Urban fantasy books filled with people you want as friends  I mean, I’ve always called them rural fantasy because the story takes place in a small town but the Wolves of Mercy Falls series is so lovely and I’d love Sam and Grace as friends :3 

3. Portal fantasy you fall in love with multiple times  The Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis - I didn’t read these as a kid even though I owned them and loved the movies. I read them all my first semester of uni in 2013 and absolutely loved them and I’ve revisited my favourites (The Magician’s Nephew, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader) several times. 

4. Novella that just makes you sigh cause it’s so lovely  I just reread This Winter by Alice Oseman and it is so sweet even though it shows the characters at a very difficult time in their lives. It ties in with Heartstopper and Solitaire and just got a beautiful new cover too

5. Historically inaccurate but laugh out loud  [skipped]

6. Satire that makes you reconsider your whole world view  The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness - It’s got great commentary on the “chosen one” tropes we see so often in YA, has wonderful diversity and is just a really lovely story

7. Happy, happy, happy and sad, sad, sad A Note of Madness by Tabitha Suzuma - I reread this duology in February and I was amazed at how well she balances the happy moments with the sad ones in these two novels

8. No, I’m not too old for kids’ books, what are you talking about??? The Land of Stories by Chris Colfer - I bought the first one because I loved Glee but I got totally sucked into the fairy tale universe he created. I can’t wait to dive in again with the sequel series A Tale of Magic...

9. I’m also not too old for picture books either and never will be  I’ve been loving the Books to Drive Kids Crazy series by Beck & Matt Stanton. They’re loads of fun!

10. Whoa, never expected that ending and to have that much fun!!! I’m gonna go with Inheritance by Christopher Paolini, the last of the Eragon books, even though I remember only one scene from it 😅 I definitely need to reread the series but I remember being really surprised by the ending and so sad that the series that made me want to be a writer was over. 

11. Like I’m scared, but I’m happy about it All of Christina Henry’s fairy tale retellings. Lost Boy freaked me the heck out because I wasn’t expecting the horror elements lol but The Girl In Red is my favourite because disabled leading lady of colour 👍

12. Classically favourite  The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien - the movies really cemented this as my favourite of Tolkien’s books but I just love Bilbo so much and this book always cheers me up. 

13. Party in your ears  If I Stay by Gayle Forman - for the movie more than the book. the songs they wrote for Adam’s band in the movie are awesome and I listen to them all the time

14. Boom!!! Pow!!! Wham!!!  The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater - ^^^ the sounds of this book destroying my heart

15. Oh wow, that’s me!! A Scandal By Any Other Name by Kimberly Bell - the first time I ever read a book about someone with spina bifida, like me. It absolutely blew my mind and was the final sign I needed to start writing about characters like me because the feeling of being represented and understood absolutely blew me away <3 

16. I can’t stop thinking about this book The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson - it’s just a wonderful exploration of how victims cope with emotional abuse and I will forever be mad that the Netflix series made it Scary™ instead of exploring its actual themes and characters. I just want a faithful adaptation okay! 

17. A book you got from Tumblr that made it to your fave both of CG Drews’ books - A Thousand Perfects Notes and The Boy Who Steals Houses. two beautiful novels about teenagers dealing with abuse and poverty and finding ways to save themselves. I absolutely love them and I hope to the great publishing gods that she gets to keep writing forever <3 

18. A book you had high expectations for and then the author OVER delivered Amelia Westlake (Was Never Here) by Erin Gough - I tend to be pretty tough on Australian YA because I’m always looking for it to capture my experience as an Australian teenager and this novel is one of the closest I’ve found. the struggles Will and Harriet face with their teachers and parents and friends felt so true and I just loved that. I’ll sing this book’s praises to the moon and back 💫

tagging: @nothinglessthanseven @thelivebookproject @lost-in-a-story @coffeebooksorme @storytime-reviews and anyone else who’d like to join in :D

[xenosgirlvents]

“Fantum maskz! Git ya’ Fantum maskz! Fer da low, low price a’ all da teef in ya gob, you’ze can look jus’ like Warboss Fantum! Jus’ way, way runtier,” a greenskin merchant bellowed, his calls largely drowned out by the countless other merchants jostling to sell their own wares. The Buhzarr, as the Operorks referred to their main marketplace, was extremely busy today, as well it should have been. The Fantum, warboss of the Operork clan and leader of the growing WAAAAGH! Bignoyz, had finally announced that the WAAAAGH! was ready to take off in search of a “Roight gud foight” and new war stories to sing about. As such, the merchants of the highly organized – by Ork standards, at least – primary warclan were capitalizing on the excitement. Lots of excitement meant lots of loose teef, and lots of loose teef meant lots of greenskins looking to spend said teef.

One greenskin in particular watched the clamoring mob with a smile of amusement from on top of a flimsy “apartment” complex, chewing on some dried meat held in her one good hand. La’al had spent an entire year trapped on this planet, and she had adapted fairly well once things had… well, things involving Orks never really calmed down, but they mellowed slightly. Having painted her limbs and skin green, even with her “roight Orky” helmet she still shouldn’t have passed well as a greenskin. She was much shorter and more slender than proper Orks, while also being much taller and well-built than the gretchin populace of The Stayj – the name the greenskins had given to the planet during their stay. But apparently being able to best most Orks who gave her trouble through hand-to-hand combat was all the bhe’ghaal needed to accept “Lildeff” as one of their own.

It had not been a particularly easy year of her life, as the number of new scars crisscrossing her biological components could clearly show, but she was doing much better than she had ever expected she could. Finishing off her meal, she clamped the jaws/visor of her helmet shut again and dropped down a few stories, walking along atop the various merchant awnings a few yards above the densely packed streets of the Buhzarr. Whenever one of the Orks below noticed Lildeff’s unique silhouette and made a gesture or call up to her, she would respond in kind, either waving the new, much more well-made blade she had recently welded to her left arm or replying in Ork tongues, either true Orkish or their human dialect. If she had been Por’faan the bhe’ghaal’s relative camaraderie would likely have made her entire life worthwhile. She had somehow managed to live alongside the antithesis of the Tau’va. And all it had really taken was some strategic displays of force, and occasionally proving that said displays were more than luck.

After a few hours of relatively aimless wandering, occasionally knocking the teef out of a particularly rowdy greenskin to trade for her regular supplies, the prices of which had been dramatically marked up with how many teef were flowing lately, she found herself at the edge of town opposite where she had made her “home,” more a very heavily booby-trapped cave just beyond the outskirts of the shanty-city, and looked upon the fleet, an odd sense of awe in her at the sight. There were more than fifty Mega-Gargants of various size and design parked out in the badlands – and towering above all of them was the Perish Operork Fort, the Fantum’s personal command center. Even to La’al’s T’au sensibilities it was utterly breathtaking. The Perish was so unbelievable in its scale that even the spires of the Imperator titan whose deployment on Dal’yth she had seen recordings of would have barely reached mid-chest on it.

She had never heard of a bhe’ghaal force so well organized or armed as this WAAAAGH! and she took immense pity on the people who would soon face their wrath. She had done what she could to sabotage the construction of many of the Gargants, but with the way Ork technology functioned, the lone Fire warrior held little faith that her makeshift explosives and strategic cutting and acid bathing would do more than slow them down, enough to allow evacuations with a bit of luck. Despite that, she had worked hard to make sure many of the lesser war machines, like the Kans and Dreads, would crash in spectacular fashion within just a few engine activations, and many Mekz, Painboyz, and Nobz among their numbers had met their end along the edge of her blade, glinting in the dark of night.

Wandering out onto the depot field where the fleet was parked up, she gave the titanic machines another looking over, testing and weakening external mechanisms covertly as she went.

“Oi, Lildeff! Ya bring me anyfin’ ta nosh on?” came a shout from several yards up one of the machines, the “Fist uv Maybee Mork,” if memory served. Looking up, La’al rolled her eyes at the severed purple head yelling at her.

“When wuz da last time A’ brought ya’ anyfin’, ya’ daft git? Ya’ dinnae even ‘av a stomach,” she responded, her own accent still not quite gone behind the Ork one she put on.

“’Oo needz a gut ta’ nosh on stuff?” Nashtoof retorted, swinging himself about on the chain dangling his head from the Gargant.

Shaking her head with a chuckle, La’al jumped up to the spot he was hanging from, finding a relaxed position on one of the many “small” guns jutting out of the machine.

“Pretty much any’un not an Operork, Nash,” the “greenskin” said, pulling some jerky out of her bag and impaling it on one of the head’s tusk-like lower canines. Her words were quite true though. La’al herself had decapitated Nashtoof an entire year prior. However, the “kultur” of the Operorks was extensively intertwined with their ability to sing. As such, the clan held zealously to the belief that their heads had literally no need for their body other than to get properly stuck into fights. Admittedly that was fairly important for Orks in general, but Operorks could be a part of the fight without ever needing to swing a blade or pull a trigger. Their songs alone could, as La’al had seen with her own two eyes, whip their brethren into an astonishing bloodlust, make their machinery work with nearly unparalleled efficiency, or even shake the very foundations of mountains.

“Lookin’ for’ard ta’ getting’ off world, finally?” the T’au asked as Nashtoof worked the piece of meat off of his tooth with his tongue.

“Zog yeh!” he responded before finally getting a grip of the food. “Bin way too long wiffowt a gud scrap!” His chewing on the jerky didn’t even muffle his voice, a concept La’al found even stranger than the fact he was speaking without a body. The line of what is possible had to be drawn somewhere, right?

“I’ze gotta say, doh. I get dis odd feelin’ dat we’ze gonna be in for a bigun soonah den latah,” said the bhe’ghaal, an odd darkness and calm coming over him, fully opposite of how any normal Ork would say those words.

“Whyz’at?” La’al asked, looking down at the head with mild confusion and surprise at the tone of his voice.

“Dunno. Jus’… jus’ a feelin’. Sky’ze getting’ dark, doh. Probubly time fer ya’ ta’ leave, den’. All da’ best scraps iz gonna be goin’ on bakk in town,” the hesitant tone and sudden shift of subject put La’al very much on edge. Even so, she nodded and hopped down from the titanic machine.

“Yeah. Prob’ly time. Dinnae wanna miss da’ gooduns. See ya’ round, Nash,” she said, walking back toward town and the sounds of its clamor. She had adjustments to make to the stellar radio she had been cobbling together in her cave over the last year before its first test that night, after all. But still, something was scratching at the back of her head in regards to what Nashtoof had said, and not just the bhe’ghaal’s tone of voice. It was something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Until, like a sun cresting the horizon, it dawned on her.

Snapping around, she looked up at the system’s star, still high in the sky and as yet untouched by the growing storm-clouds. Yet it was growing darker and darker by the moment. Then, the sky began to roar with the sounds of countless fighter craft and dropships falling through the atmosphere.

La’al saw red. Not for the fighters, not for the dropships, not in their Guard colors. No, what drew the fury from the darkest depths of her heart was the drop pods, falling wave after wave into the badlands and sprawling shanty-towns around her. The drop pods. The jet-black drop pods. Marked with the jagged cross.  The Black Templars had brought their eternal crusade back across the Damocles Gulf. And from the Stayj, a bellowing cry of bloodlust and excitement rose to meet them.

(And so the climax approaches. I’ll admit, not totally sure about how well this particular part works out for someone who didn’t write the thing. Deeply sorry if parts of this story feel less than cohesive with one another. Don’t really have much of a commentary at the moment, but as always I’m open for any questions and critiques)

No need to apologize, and sorry I took this long to get back to you! The truth is just that I've had a rough spell and thus was quite inactive for a while, but thank you for still sending me this. 

I do not have too much commentary on this one; I enjoy the closer look at Ork cultural cues and societal nuances, I have always enjoyed those, so seeing something of a market at the outset, for example, was something I enjoyed greatly!