#it ultimately isn't my place to draw a line on when you are allowed to misgender somebody because like... that line shouldn't exist

[sonicboomseason3]

a brief recap of what has been going on with the sonic movieverse in the past several months:

paramount has come out in public support of israel

keanu reeves, a man who has publicly rubbed elbows with none other than benjamin netanyahu, reportedly gets cast as shadow for the upcoming third movie

james marsden, the guy who plays tom, got exposed as having written a letter of support for a convicted pedophile

there's fucking??? zionist propaganda in the knuckles series???

kind of connected to the last point but adam pally, the guy who plays wade, is evidently pro-israel too

this is a complete and utter joke.

EDIT AS OF 4/30/24: if people see this version of the post, i'd really appreciate it if you reblog it instead of the other versions, as it's the most updated one with all the information that i want included. thank you :]

you know, it's been a few days since i've made this post, and some of you (not most) are staying determined in defending/justifying/giving the benefit of the doubt to keanu for that photo with netanyahu, whether it's because "it was a decade ago," "him being civil to someone he ran into at a party one time doesn't mean anything," "he's probably just silent because his pr managers won't allow him to speak up," etc. i've made my thoughts on the matter quite clear by directly responding to these people, but at this point, i'm tired of both seeing them in my notes and repeating myself, so take this as my final word on the issue.

i can't help it if you don't think the photo with netanyahu is damning, and i'm done engaging with everyone going out of their way to tell me that. i obviously disagree, especially after finding out that 1. the host of the party, arnon milchan, is a former israeli spy who has a history of developing israel's nuclear program and promoting apartheid in south africa (information that had broken out a few months prior to the party and thus would've been fresh news around the time keanu chose to attend) and 2. keanu has been caught hanging around at least two other weirdos, but if you don't find any of that to be cause for reasonable concern, then there really is nothing else i can say afaik.

with all that said, i'm beginning to realize how strange it is that these people's first instinct when seeing this post is to start debating about keanu's political stances without ever acknowledging any of the other bullet points. you guys realize that this isn't just about him, right? i know tumblr reading comprehension is known for being piss-poor, but like… you realize that i was trying to make a point of how there are MULTIPLE terrible things that have broken out about the people and company involved in the sonic movies, right? and yet, a lot of the people leaping to speak on keanu's behalf in my notes are completely ignoring the parts where i bring up paramount, pally, etc. all in favor of zeroing in on the singular point about keanu and making bad faith assumptions about me for holding him accountable. really makes one wonder where your priorities lie if, in a post that talks about so many other things, me accusing an a-list celebrity with, according to google, a net worth of almost $400 million is where you draw the line and apparently the only thing worth your acknowledgment.

ultimately, what i'm trying to say is that the intention of this post was just to gather up everything that i had been hearing for the past several months and put it all together in one place. there were a bunch of people who didn't know about at least one of the bullet points before seeing this post, and i'm glad that i could help inform them, that was what i was hoping to do! but as for the keanu thing, i've said pretty much all i can say for now, and i don't want to derail the original post even more than i may have already. unless something new comes up, i'm done talking about him.

[thatpodcastkid]

Magnus Archives Relisten 17, MAG 17 The Boneturner's Tale

Honestly, if my high school bully got their hands on a Leitner I think basically the same thing would happen.

MAG 17 analysis, spoilers ahead.

Facts: Statement of Sebastian Adekoya regarding a new acquisition at Chiswick Library.

Statement Notes: "Books are amazing, aren't they?"

The first line of this statement is so hopeful. Sebastian approaches what happened to him with this strange light pouring out of him. He takes on the world with a realistic yet deeply optimistic outlook. His character feels out of place in the Magnus Archives world because, although he's afraid, he isn't sick or sad or angry or desperate. Despite the horror he finds himself facing, there isn't any actual disruption to his routine, meaning he doesn't have to change in the face of danger. Adekoya is a static character in a dynamic setting.

As a book lover, Adekoya uses a lot of flowery language in his statement. He spends the first minute giving a speech on the beauty and power of language and the written word. He serves as an incredible contrast to Jared. They don't necessarily have conflicting beliefs, but conflicting focuses. Adekoya deals in the beautiful and abstract, Hopworth deals in the messy and real. Language is art, humans are meat.

Since Sebastian and Jared are around the same age, and Adekoya just graduated college, we can assume Jared is about 22-23 during the events of this statement. His characterization was very realistic. People often joke about hearing the bully of their secondary school getting arrested, but it's very different when you realize the violent but ultimately harmless kid you knew has become a violent and harmful adult. Often, that violent energy is turned against family members first. Those who tried to help, those who enabled, those who don't deserve it.

The end of the statement was very frightening. The violence enacted against Adekoya is a show of power by Jared and, in turn, The Boneturner's Tale. The Magnus Archives is an eldritch horror story, and The Bonetruner's Tale holds power no human can possibly understand. It is capable of enacting violence no human can understand. Its power is so great, we are left to assume a car killed Sebastian, because no living thing could do that much damage. Right?

In addition to Mike Crew's strange strategy of dropping the Leitner off in a random library, he chose to file it as Trainspotting of all things. This means that not only did Crew check out Trainspotting from the library, but he now owns the copy. Does this matter at all to the plot or metaplot of TMA? No. Does it matter to my heart? Yes.

Entity Alignment: Another strong Flesh episode. When Hopworth's mother is described as missing bones in her arm, I began to wonder if Boneturner was how Hopworth first began harvesting for the meat pit. Early on, he likely had no knowledge of the ritual. But since Boneturner is what allowed him to steal the flesh of others, it would make sense that he would utilize it to feed and serve the entity.

If not, and Jared only used Boneturner to steal for and add to himself as his powers developed, there is something to be said about the Flesh's affiliation with greed. Humans eat meat partly out of necessity; it's accessible, it's filling, it's fuel. But the excess of meat consumption, the ever-increasing animal slaughter across the world at the expense of our own health and environment? Is that because we're hungry, or because we just want more?

I also noted how Sebastian didn't seem attracted to Boneturner at all. There's a motif with Leitners regarding them "calling out" to people and drawing innocents into their dark ways. But clearly, it's not indiscriminate. The isn't an apple of discord or ring of power situation; Leitners are capable of choosing who they want to attach themselves to. While I don't know much about the Canterbury Tales (feel free to educate me in the notes), it does seem that as the book makes Hopworth stronger, he makes it stronger by feeding its written desire for blood and violence.

Character Notes: Who speaks to their boss like that. Who. I get Elias needs him but is it not suspicious to everyone else when his employee can just say stuff like that? "Fine, fine, I'll be more lovely?" You sarcastic bastard?

This is a...weird intro to Elias to say the least. While of course Jon is being rude and they're passively sniping at each other, Elias does seem calm. He seems responsible and put together. He's not antagonistic in any way. If anything, Jon is the aggressor in the conversation. Up to this point, Jon has been the listener's only lens to view this world through. So when we are presented with a new character to compare him to, and Jon is snippy and rude, we are essentially forced into seeing this character as calm and rational. There was no way for the audience to ever perceive Elias as the villain. Which is exactly what he wanted.

Jon also states the Institute's goal is to "record and study, not interfere or contain." This makes sense for an academic institution (you wouldn't expect a forensic research lab to arrest criminals and keep them on-site), but it becomes interesting in the context of The Magnus Protocol. The Office of Incident Assessment and Response explicitly intends to respond to the supernatural even though it's still questionable how/if they do. Jon's initial goal isn't to take action against the entities, but he is more or less forced to. As of now in TMAGP, Sam wants to be involved in the supernatural, but is forced into a state of inaction.

Also Elias calls him "Jonathan." That doesn't mean anything but god to be a fly on that wall.

There's also the strange implication in this conversation that Rosie is in charge of the recording equipment. If this is true, it clearly doesn't last as Jon slowly becomes lord of the tape recorders. But still, the only reason I can think of for Elias giving his assistant access to the tapes is to indulge her "nosy Rosie" habits. She seems to only have access to the digital recordings, so none of the "real" stuff. But she can still listen to other people's private thoughts and experiences. Elias wants her to look into other people's business so he can keep her on in the world to come.

The first indicator of Martin's absence. "Stomach problems." There is the continued question of Prentiss' lucidity. In her statement regarding the wasp's nest, she seems to be losing her grip on reality. Several statement givers describe her and other infected as mindless monsters. But, she clearly was conscious enough to concoct an elaborate story of Martin's illness and maintain text communications with the archival staff. She would also need to be lucid if she was consciously conducting the corruption ritual, but it's equally possible the ritual was driven by animalistic and unnameable drives given to her by the entity. The Corruption needs Prentiss mindless enough to serve as a source of nameless protruding rot, but still sentient enough to A) not be captured and B) fulfill its worldly tasks. This is another instance of TMA dream logic: Prentiss is lucid enough to lie and form plans, but too far gone to be reasoned with.

[flower-boi16]

Why Belos' Fell

I previously teased a post like this before in my post on the topic of Belos' being "boring" to some people and well, here it is. Belos is probably one of my favorite antagonists in a lot of media, there's a lot of depth an complexity in Belos you can draw from him, and here I want to analyze Belos as a character and what let led to his ultimate downfall and demise.

Flaw I: Bigotry

There are two major flaws that caused Belos' downfall, his bigotry and his pride. I'll focus on his bigotry first since that one's fairly obvious. Belos is strongely bigoted towards witches - he did come from a 1600s pilgrimage after all, and so his bigotry drives all of his actions.

Belos is consumed by his bigotry and hatred towards witches - viewing them as monsters who he must wipe out, which is where his pride comes in later. The thing I find interesting is that Belos shows what happens when you never grow out of your bigotry, when you cling onto it for years and never choose to open your mind to other points of view and when you decide to purely view a specific race of people as evil.

You become enrinched in that bigotry and there isn't any way to get out of it. Belos' actions are all driven by his bigotry - which is obvious enough, but he spent centuries in the Boiling Isles, in that time, he could have decided to let go of his bigotry and actually take in the boiling isles and grow a real connecting to it...but he didn't, he chose to cling onto his bigotry for all those years, and plotted a horrifying genocide on all life on the isles out of hatred for witches. Yet he viewed himself as the hero in this sitatuon. Speaking of that...

Flaw II: Pride

Belos' second core flaw is his intense sense of pride, which is a flaw that is heavily tied to his bigotry. This section will be a bit longer since there's more to analyze about Belos' pride. Belos likes to view himself as the hero here, the savior of humanity who will rid the world of all witches and demons, and his intense sense of pride is the one of the main things keeping him growing out of his bigotry which has comsumed him.

His bigotry towards witches is just that strong, their the evil who he has to slay, and there isn't anything that can change that. Further more, Belos seems to view any one who disagrees with him as inherently deluisonal or "crazy", mainly Luz. Something I don't see talked about much or at all is how Belos' sees Luz, in Hollow Mind Luz protests that Belos is evil for he plans on doing, and Belos mutters out "can't reason with crazy" before attempting to strike her.

Then in King's Tide, we get these lines:

"It's Philip. And despite our differences, I want to help you, Luz. I can send you home. I have just enough Titan Blood for one more trip. Please. I don't want to see another human life destroyed by this place."

"I do pity you. These monsters have warped your sense of reality"

Belos belives that Luz is corrupted, someone who the demon realm twisted and whose life was ruined by it. He believes that Luz was corrupted by the demon realm, because he is not only consumed by his bigotry but also is so into the idea that HE is right about witches, that he is the rational one here free from any form of corruption and the hero of the story, Luz is just a girl who the demon realm twisted and corrupted.

However, the irony here is that Luz isn't the one who is corrupted here, Belos is; he's been corrupted by his sense of bigotry for years and he's never allowed himself to grow out from that. Belos then sees Luz as so corrupt, being beyond saving, and so, he tries to petrify her as a way of "putting her out of her misery", seeing her as fully corrupted by the witches.

Remember that earlier line where Belos says " I don't want to see another human life destroyed by this place." He says "another" human life. Gee...I wonder who he could possibily be refering to here...

...yup, it's Caleb. Belos killed Caleb not only because he felt betrayed by him when he chose to hook up with a witch, but because he saw Caleb as so corrupted by the witch he hooked up with that he decided that Caleb was just too far gone to save, put him out of his misery just like what he almost did with Luz.

When Belos sees someone as too corrupted by the witches, he kills them. Because he believes that he's the hero in the story and anyone who forms a connection with the demon realm is either corrupted or just crazy. Further more, Belos has done many horrible things throughout the series; he's lied to and manipulated many people to get what he wants, he's cloned, abused and killed his brother over and over again whenever he felt "betrayed" by him, he led years of oppression and comformity by dissallowing the citizens of the boiling isles to properly express themselves in favor of conforming to one specific coven, and he's plotting a mass genocide on a whole race of innocent people all for being a race he sees as evil, but in Hollow Mind, Belos says that he'll "Do anything to protect humanity from evil", meaning that he believes that he's justified in doing all of that.

Because he believes that all of this is for his noble cause of ridding all witches and demons from Isles, so he can be the "savoiur of hunamity".

Belos' Downfall

Belos' inability to let go of his bigotry and sense of pride was what ultimately led to his downfall. Belos parralels Luz in the sense that both of them cling onto fantasies which involve the idea of them being "special" in some kind of way, and they actively choose to pursue those fantasies, however, Luz grew out of her fantasy fairly quickly while Belos didn't - he never grew out of his sick, twisted fantasy of being the hero of humanity when really he was the villian.

Belos never grew out of his bigotry, instead he took what was once a beutiful land and twisted and turned it into a land of comformity, all in part for his sick, twisted plan of destorying all of it's inhabitants.

In the end, Belos is ultimately defeated by the entire owl family + Raine, people who he hurt and damaged heavily through the series; Luz, the girl who he truamatized by revealing she helped him with his plan, Eda, the women who actively went against his rules and who he tried to petrify at the end of the first season, Raine, the person who he tormented by possesing them against their will, and King, the little titan who's father was used by Belos as a way to push his propoganda.

They stomp the shit out of Belos after his last pathetic attempt at manipulation, ending his reign for good.

Belos' story is cautionary tale - serving as an example of what happens when someone never grows out of their bigotry or pride and never let's his fantasies go.

[meadowlarkx]

Hello! I absolutely love your finrod/sauron AU and I was wondering if you’d be willing to talk a bit more about how you have characterized finrod in this fic, and what his ultimate goals are? Also, does the series have a set ending or do you plan to keep it more open ended? Thank you!

Thank you so so much for the ask (and all your enthusiasm in general)!! I'm thrilled you're enjoying that au! 💖

I have a lot of feelings about Finrod and have been mulling and pondering how best to put them into words:

One of the most central things to Finrod, in my eyes, is his ability to see and value the small amid the "big picture." He values keepsakes from home (bringing the most jewels etc to Middle-earth!), individual lives (the Beorians and Beren's, his cousins' on both sides, thinking also of "But [Finarfin's] sons were not with him, for they would not forsake the sons of Fingolfin"...), beauty, others' culture and lore (hours spent with Andreth!), language. He loves really hard, and he loves people, not ideals. A while ago I rambled some about why I think he did a lot to keep the Exiles' spirits and personhood alive on the Helcaraxe. This is one of his best traits, it draws incredible, selfless feats and efforts from him, and it's why I can see him pulling out absolutely all the stops for the chance to save Beren+his companions in that AU! It also goes two ways. He chooses to honor his oath to Barahir--and leaves Nargothrond and kinda also Beleriand in political crisis doing so. I also think this love is why he allowed C&C to gain the influence they did in Nargothrond--he kept wanting to give his cousins the benefit of the doubt and to wearily hope they could yet change (I mean, this is just my reading!)

But what makes him really interesting, to me, is that he IS aware of the stakes, and the "big picture," and the immensity of what they have done and are facing. He isn't an idiot by any means--he knows exactly what he is doing, but often, he does it anyway. It is still "worth it". I'm thinking here of his private conversation with Beren before he announces his intention to honor his own oath, where he sums up the situation with C&C and says something like "So we are all by our oaths ensnared." But, amazingly, honestly, absolutely madly and almost selfishly to me, it is still worth it to him. He doesn't commit lightly!! I love that about him. I'm thinking also of he and Turgon's visions of future threat from Ulmo, and the way he knows and recognizes the "shadow" on Men's hearts, and on the hearts of himself and the Noldor. The way he can't speak when Thingol confronts him about the first kinslaying ("I marvel at you, son of Earwen..."), because he won't speak against his cousins: he knows his own fault--or sees it as equal to his cousins'. (I actually don't think he kinslayed there--but he knows that he would have taken those stolen ships, he knows he threw in his lot with the Nolofinweans, he would not think himself better than them...) The way he knows 'nothing shall endure of my realm'... And of course going on after hearing Namo's doom in the first place, when his father, who I think he's close to and proud of, chose to turn back. He has this deep streak of sorrow in him that goes with the savvy-ness of Knowing things.

And, like, it makes you think, well, why did he think it was worth it? Why did he think it mattered to keep his oath to Barahir or lug those jewels across the Helcaraxe? and obviously Silm fandom is all about drawing our own lines to connect the disparate dots we got in canon, so they can be connected various ways, but my connecting the dots is that Finrod is despite everything an optimist :') He hopes that from bad beginnings, ill deeds, the doom itself etc. they can find good ends. In his way, through what he values, he'll try to get them there. And if not--at least joy in the meanwhile, and that that means something. Beren's (to harp again upon this example bear with me...) life matters, even if it's just a handful more mortal years. I find that really idk... touching of him. He sees good in things. And his optimism can be prideful, but I think one needs pride to get anywhere, kinda. The line with hope is pretty blurry, to me. You have to imagine something can be a certain way in order to try to get it there.

(*I know some people prefer to read Finrod as abruptly blindsided and confronted by any complicity of his in the first kinslaying/reminder of his Teleri kin's murder in his song battle with Sauron, but to me it is more satisfying and tragic if he has never denied it--he has sought to live with it, to move past it, to affirm that the Noldor can be & do better here--and here is Sauron essentially saying "no. Remember how bad it was? You (plural) can never be other than that." A blow to the very core of Finrod. also he froze up because of PTSD and I'll cry forever about it)

Heh another thing on Finrod and pride--I imagine him with a particular flavor of pride that ironically comes with being humble, in his way. Or acknowledging faults. I mean, if you're Finrod, and you live every day with the memory of your slain Teleri relatives and allow for some kind of responsibility for it, and then you hear Celegorm boldly repeating the entire Oath at top volume to the unapologetic tenor of "we'll do it all again. Nothing wrong with any of that." In your house, where you hosted him. I dare you not to get a little frustrated, a little angry, a little self-righteous or contemptuous about it!! So I see Finrod who thinks he's great but because he thinks he sucks or because he thinks he's good enough to realize he sucks but also aware of this. Or um, something. He holds himself, internally at least, to a sort of moral standard that he can look down on others if they don't meet. There's pride in his insistence on upholding his own (lowercase) oath as equally important, too, and maybe some bitterness. But I think he can be pretty self-critical alongside it, in low moods and when things are not going well--he knows himself too well. In his own eyes, he is not a very serious person. He can be vain, he can certainly be a hypocrite (I interpret a lot of what he says to Andreth as like "do as I (or my brother) say not as I do"), but he generally knows these things about himself.

Connection is also something I associate really strongly with him. Not just empathy, but also (relatedly) personal and political connections. This is also sort of the well I draw his promiscuity in that fic series from--in my eyes Finrod can Never hold back from caring, getting attached and entangled etc, and he loves freely (Middle-earth's most eligible bachelor since Amarie is home in Aman RIP, and not bound by tradition). Every time I see a gif of Cate Blanchett's Galadriel, I just imagine how incredibly powerful Finrod's charm/otherworldly allure would be (Edain waking and thinking they were in some fair dream!). I like to think that Nargothrond was 80% held together by Finrod's personal charisma (definitely not robust heritable administrative structures) and Beleriand on the whole a little bit also, by the way things fall apart after his death (and the other B&L stuff, ofc, but Finrod could have smoothed out a lot if he had lived--is my truth.) To come back to the political-esque connections--Finrod is the only character who hangs out with Maglor and Maedhros AND Thingol (from whom he has his realm!), who has (according to him. unreliable narrator) friendly enough interactions with C&C in Nargothrond, who negotiates with the Laiquendi for land for the Edain, for whom the Dwarves forged the Nauglamir, etc. etc. (I really love him having an epesse from Khuzdul - I can't hear you badger Felagund origin story - and Nom as an epesse from the Edain. Finrod the beloved!) Making these connections and inspiring personal confidence/loyalty is what he is really good at, in my headcanon--it's really easy to see in the whole episode with Balan/Beor, who joins him in Nargothrond, after all the time Finrod spends with them. He has a link to everyone, and he's skilled at taking into account others' needs and hearts because for the most part he really does care. So in a way really it's good that he's on holiday from kingship with Sauron to work on his real strengths :)

Loving people and connections with them lends itself well to a thread of vanity too--he likes and wants to be admired and noticed (I mean, it's crazy to me that he decides to pull his little harp stunt while Beor's folk are sleeping to surprise them. What a Move). Love this for him, though.

OK, this is getting so long, but just to like, wrap up, I am also obsessed with his magic/Song--after holding his own against Sauron himself, his spells in Leithian are powerful enough to withstand even defeat by Sauron! His magic preserves the secret of their identities, and breaks his bonds to save Beren! Between this, his foresight line to Galadriel ("An oath I too shall swear, and must be free to fulfil it, and go into darkness. Nor shall anything of my realm endure that a son should inherit." I like to imagine he occasionally just Says stuff like this), his Ulmo dreams, his harping painting fair visions, etc., he is so powerful and mystical and eerie. He never quite takes a straightforward path to things. He goes missing for months on his hunting road trip. He isn't on the front lines of the leaguer with Maedhros & co, but making a safe hidden place in Nargothrond against the danger forewarned to come (and necklaces). Presumably he can fight with a sword or whatever, but I get the sense that's not his strength by a long shot--the one time he is actually on the battlefield in armor in Silm he nearly dies and gets rescued by his human friend. He doesn't intend to battle Sauron in any way when he sets out, but to evade him with magical disguises. (And terrible aliases. A testament to the power of Finrod's magic that they worked or that he lapsed so foolishly - exhaustedly? - later, IMO. I have to laugh.) He often is doing his own thing, which speaks to me of self-possession. He even names himself a king in Nargothrond, which he has from Thingol, but doesn't claim any Noldor high kingship. He's got this independent, maverick streak that just makes him fascinating and very fun to write.

So in the fic, I guess, I'd say I've tried to characterize him as willing to do anything for his friends, prioritizing their individual lives--I think this bit is canon. He's creative and evasive and trying to use any means at his disposal. After his canon defeat, he lost most of his hope and confidence, but seeing things proceed differently to what he had foreseen has done a lot to resurrect it--and Sauron being responsive keeps boosting it too. He feels like anything might be possible, however small and foolish the chance. He genuinely values knowing more of Sauron and his enemies and their thralls etc and is mentally filing it away, though the knowledge often comes at some painful cost. He often sees their games as a challenge, in a way, though he tries to be careful about letting his vanity or desire obscure his clearer vision. That said, I really think Finrod wouldn't be able to keep his newfound hope from extending to imagining reaching Sauron in a meaningful sense, too. He does hope for that, even if the hope is basically minuscule. It would be a victory for him and most importantly, an affirmation of his optimism and confidence to turn something in Sauron's spirit or heart, to have something "real," and he's always looking for something "good" there, even if he often does not find it or even realize he is looking for it. Other than that, beyond what is going on in the tower--he is a bit adrift. Now especially so--he's cut off from any people he loves, he's lonely, stuck being self-sacrificing, and he feels guilty about leaving Orodreth & co. in an awful position. He's a king who is no longer a king, and now he doesn't even have the companions he left with who might see him that way. But while all that is declining so precipitously, he increasingly has Sauron, and the tower, and whatever he can make of them. :') I hope that answer is satisfying enough! The challenge of writing this fic has been trying to make an emotionally believable (I should probably say "compelling" instead of "believable"--but you know) arc on both sides, but I'm looking forward to continuing this journey!!!

As for the ending, it's kinda yes and no! I do have a set end point in mind to conclude this series with them, which I'm determined to get them to. But there are also a handful of scenes set later on that I'm tempted to write which would kind of extend it--either as an epilogue or something else. I'm not sure if I'll ever write those bits though, or if I did what would be the best way to do it (ie. to keep it as installments of the og fic series or arrange it some other way on AO3.) That part is all hypothetical though!

[twohaikutransformerstoyreviews]

Legacy Core Class Bomb-burst (2022)

Inspiration. Inspiration strikes me like lightning struck the kite of Benjamin Franklin. In all honesty, I had no idea where to go from my first review. More Beast Wars seemed like the logical step forward. Sure. I'll do Beast Wars Megatron. That'll be a pleasing continuation of my review format. A classic for sure. But no. As firmly as the mind relays its strategies and draws its plans, if the heart will not obey, then it shall not be done. So here I sit, languishing, twiddling with Legacy core class Bomb-Burst. Suddenly I feel a sharp emotion. A nagging feeling. Something writhing and churning inside calling out to me. It tells me to speak. To write. To scream as loud as I can from rooftops. To voice my annoyance, my misgivings, against such a small thing. Such a furtive collection of heavily processed oils, organised, engineered into Legacy Bomb-Burst. Scream I shall. Or rather more accurately; whine.

Robot Mode.

We begin in Robot Mode, my dear audience member simply because it annoys me the least. In fact, I sort of find it cool. The colours are wonderful. The bubblegum blue and deep magenta really make this figure pop, detracting from the otherwise rather boring white and greys that make up most of the arms, legs and head. The head is quite cool indeed, sort of freakish, with the big floopy bat ears and small, pugish snout. His jaw is oddly well defined. Paired with the exceptionally wide torso, this gives him a rather muscular physique. It's impossible for me not to adore the head. The inside of the mouth is painted for Christ's sake. The attention to detail is amazing.

But don't you feel like there's something missing? I can't help but miss the chubbier, rounder aesthetic of the G1 figure. He looks daft with his lack of neck skinny forearms and Donnie-Darko meets Man-Bat countenance. In the designer's attempt to modernise this heftier He-Man adjacent maladroit half-wit (and to better merge him with his inner robot design) they seem to have stripped him of a large part of his personality. How do you make an uncanny half bat half mechanoid ultimately forgettable? His hairlessness in comparison to his G1 counterpart makes it seem as though he's some generic gym-bot who bought a decently impressive freaky bat mask from Smiffy's, only for an excuse to crash a costume-only halloween fraternity party. It feels like a token attempt to appear 1/8th of the freak he was in 1988. That was me just explaining my extended metaphor. I am only left to ask; who are you anymore, man? Don't respond. It was a rhetorical question.

Alt Mode.

This is where my previous comments about an overall lack of identity ring especially true. If you could not see before, then youd have to be instantaneously struck blind not to see it now. This alternate mode would be rather bemusingly bland, were it not for the fact that his arms do not tab into place. When the tiniest amount of movement is inflicted on his wobbly little arms, his desperately unconvincing attempt at a vtol shatters into pieces. Not literally. Well, yes literally, since his wings come off because of partsforming.

Overall.

What else is there to say, really? It's not very good. I'd advise you to keep it in robot mode, but then, wouldn't that make the whole "Transformer" thing redundant? Even as an actionmaster he is decidedly plain and unassuming.

If I am allowed to have a moment to rant (as if this whole thing wasn't just an overblown moan-athon -that's what I call a weekend at your mother's.) then I would diagnose his general blandness and lack of creativity a problem that largely plagues all of the legacy line. It's a toy-line that takes itself rather too seriously for my liking. This works fine enough when it comes to faithful recreations of characters we haven't seen toys of for decades. But because of the inane and rather pointless constraints of working in the pretender's inner robot design, the figure isn't a faithful recreation of either the shell, or the robot. The same fate befell our poor Skullgrin, forever relegated to the clearance aisle at Smyths Toys Superstore. To a lesser extent, this can be seen in the Prime, and Animated Universe's rather lackluster redesigns. Where is the flair?

(I do love the Junkions, though!!)

Rating:

1.5/5

Couldn't lead a parade.

Oh Bomb-burst wherefore

Art thou, sad schmuck of my soul

Could this wretch be thee?

on tepid tongue's tip

the tale of your turn from grace

tastes like salty Gruel

[deadcitygazette]

I remember the summer of 2015 very well. I was working at Whole Foods that summer & had good times & good friends there. I remember the day that SCOTUS declared that gay marriage had been legalized at a federal level, thereby allowing millions of gay & lesbian couples to finally be able to get married. It was a wonderful & exciting time to be alive & I will always remember the smiles on everyone's faces. A truly monumental & joyous occasion.

Flash forward to now, the summer of 2023, 8 long years later. The Before Times ended over 3 years ago. Now we no longer talk about LGB, now we only talk about TQIA+. Specifically, we talk about the T. A lot. At least Conservatives are. Especially on Twitter. Except for this time, the latest rainbow campaign isn't promoting sexuality & marriage equality. No, this time they are promoting trangenderism & sex changes for kids.

To be extremely clear, I have been Queer-identifying my whole life. I've identified specifically as gay, bisexual, & pansexual at varying times throughout the 4 decades of my life so far. I also have an affinity for trans women if we're being completely honest here. So I have skin in the game & a right to say something when it comes to LGBTQ issues since I've been Queer longer than a lot of these young people have even been alive.

That being said, although I do support trans people & their rights to live, love, & exist in our society, I have to draw the line at involving kids in such matters. A lot of these surgeries, procedures & treatments provided as a part of gender-affirming care are irreversible & have the potential to sterilize their recipients, as this type of care is still experimental for the most part.

There's also the "social contagion" element to all this. While I believe there is such a thing as a trans kid, I believe that "trans" is also in vogue right now amoungst our nation's youth, especially in the big cities & especially in Blue states like California. So clearly there's a social contagion element where kids just want to be cool, or fit in, or receive special attention. I was a Queer teen once & I remember feeling all that.

So I know that a lot of these so-called trans kids aren't trans at all. 4 out of 5 of them are probably just gay. But an ideology & adults with agendas pressured them into thinking that the only thing that will "fix" them is to change genders. Because then they won't have those "shameful" gay feelings anymore because they'll have transitioned genders to be straight. And that is exactly what has become so chic nowadays amoungst the youngest & most vulnerable in our society.

Bottom line: We simply must do our best to protect our kids & youth from exposure to aggressive ideological movements that seek to indoctrinate the vulnerable with all sorts of extreme ideas about gender, race, sex, sexuality, religion & so on. There are people in this world that want to harm children. They are predators & they must be stopped.

But ultimately, I would have to say that people should be placed before ideology. People matter. Trans lives do matter. Black trans lives do matter. And these are real people who exist & live & breathe the same air as every other American. We must show humanity to our fellow humans.

So I would say the answer is to support transgender adults' rights to make adult decisions about their own bodies but protect "under 18s" from potentially harmful ideologies that can oftentimes confuse & irrevocably change them, oftentimes for the worse.

I don't know how you, the reader, will receive this. Hopefully, you understand that I fully support LGBTQ, especially when it is involving consensual adults & their rights to live & love how they see fit. I'm totally down with all of that as I am a part of the Queer Community myself. And trans men & trans women should be afforded the same rights as everyone else.

But, please leave the kids out of it. Kids are under immense pressure as it is from their own culture & peers. We don't need to be further trying to influence or manipulate them or worse, *groom* them into something they are not. Let gay kids be gay. Just because a boy likes other boys that doesn't necessarily mean he's a girl. Just because a teen girl likes dressing & acting "boyish" doesn't mean she should get her breasts removed at age 15.

Let gay boys just be gay.

Let gay girls just be lesbians.

Let children grow up free from ideological influences of ALL kinds.

We were born this way, remember?

Let humans just be themselves.

Show love.

Fight for equality.

Protect the vulnerable.

Learn to live free of ideologies.

Peace. Love. Tacos.

[uncanny-tranny]

some transphobic person was in a youtuber server run by a trans woman with a lot of trans people in it and we kept asking what nuts' pronouns were and deez said "deez/nuts" after deez was refusing to answer. even after deez got banned, the server continued to respect nuts' pronouns.

That's actually kinda sweet of the server omg

[ailelie]

I know a few people who don't support the ACLU because the ACLU supports free speech for everyone. They even have a post on their website about it: Defending Speech We Hate.

The simple matter is, when you draw a line in the sand, you defend that line. Even when that means people and ideas you hate are technically on your side. You don't gerrymander the line to keep them out because it makes it harder to tell where the line is at all and makes it easier for those you're defending against to take advantage and slowly push back or even remove the line altogether.

I am pro-rehabilitation in prisons. I think prisons should be humane places where people are allowed therapy to overcome any mental issues that led to their crimes and classes to help them integrate into society upon release (e.g., job skills, courses to bridge high school and college, etc). I believe everyone deserves another chance.

This is not a position I have come to lightly. I know people in prison, one personally, that I would love to stay there. But, ultimately, I believe they deserve another chance, too. Just one far from me and the people I love.

I fully realize that I am advocating that rapists, child abusers, and serial killers deserve another chance. That "another chance" doesn't have to look the same as it does for others. Maybe it means life in a therapeutic halfway house. Maybe it means daily check-ins with a parole officer. Maybe it means life in a very humane, community-oriented prison removed from all temptation. That's a discussion we can have.

Drawing a line doesn't mean losing nuance. You just take that line as your foundation and build from there.

AO3 drew a line in the sand. Every single fic that could be written could be archived so long as it was legal in the US. That's the line. The site offers tools (and is creating additional tools) to enable users to curate their own experience. There's discussion to make racism one of the big tag categories so that it is easier to recognize and filter out. The site isn't perfect, but it is improving.

If you don't like the line in the sand, go elsewhere. Other options do exist. They may not be as popular right now, but they can become more so if people flock to them.

When I defend my line regarding rehabilitation, I'm not saying that 'rape is cool actually' or 'people should forgive their abusers.' Screw that. I'm not condoning crime. I'm saying that our current prison system doesn't work and that focusing on punishment actually creates a world in which prisons beget criminals. Focusing instead on rehabilitation and release may lower the number of former prisoners who end back up in prison, which should also help lower crime in general. Also, I think the punishment model focuses too much on 'what makes me as the judge/victim feel better' and not enough on 'what makes society better'? We can't just write off every person that goes to prison. If we do that, then why don't we just move to a radical death penalty and kill everyone who is sentenced to more than 5 years? It would certainly save money and would possibly serve as an actual deterrent.

AO3 isn't saying that child sexual abuse is cool. The archive is not condoning rape, murder, sexual abuse, child abuse, or anything like that. Instead, the archive saw how writers did not have a safe place to share their works that wasn't limited by sponsorships, ads, etc. They saw how 'think of the children' campaigns led to the demise of communities filled with NC-17 works and queer content. They built a site where everything legal (in the US) could be housed. They said and meant 'no censorship.' Censorship is, and has always been, a slippery slope. AO3 avoids that slope by refusing to censor anything. And that is why I continue to fund the site year after year.

Do I support all of the stories? Hell no. I wish a lot of them didn't exist. But, damn it, they are on my side of the line and this is a line I will defend.

[steamberrystudio]

Listennn.. I too went into GS a little wary of Caleb. When contrasted against everyone else you can meet in the opening (stoic but gentle Ari, funny and flirty Jack, closed off but caring Caissa, clumsy and cryptic Magnus...) Caleb absolutely brushed me up the wrong way. Dude can be an asshole.

But then I did Ari's route first.

Let me tell you.. it took me only up until Ari and Caleb sparring and Caleb loosening up a little to realise I was in big trouble. Dude is hot as hell. And funny. And a bit of a rebel against the status quo, while still toeing the line, which I wasn't expecting. And I thoroughly enjoyed his route when I got round to it. You did an incredible job creating his personality - and I actually now love the fact he has such a wide ranging personality and isn't always gently gently with the MC.

Not that the others are like that but you get the idea - I appreciate being able to see an "ugly" side to them all instead of Mr perfect gentleman all the time. I think you did a great job of that with all the characters in different ways.

I'm still replaying all the routes. You created something special :)

Well ultimately, the prologue portion of the game was designed to set up character conflict and foundation for character growth in the routes. You're supposed to develop a first impression of the character specifically so the route can subvert the expectation and/or explain the behaviour.

So it's totally fine to like that character or be wary of another. There's nothing wrong with that. OWO

I feel like people assume I'm judging you for judging Caleb and that's not it *at all*. 😂 The whole point is to make people go 😡 at him so that when you get into his route, I can turn the tables and show you that he's actually a good guy who is struggling with some things but has a good heart.

I have people in my life who have the whole anxiety-as-anger thing going on, and I love them even though it's a super frustrating quality that they have to actively work on - and don't always succeed at not giving into it. It was a trait I really wanted to explore in a character because I deal with it a lot.

As you said, I don't want the characters to have to be perfect - Caleb can be an angry, anxious brat, Magnus has severe trust issues that he struggles with, Caissa is chained down by a lot of personal issues, etc, etc.

I'm not opposed to people having first impressions of the characters and withholding judgement until they see more.

Some of the struggles with Caleb in particular came about because of the combination of putting out a demo which allows people to see a very small slice of the game (about 20% of the total story if you count the 4 chapters of common route and 14 of each route) and a public development process which makes me very accessible for feedback.

It can be tempting to draw conclusions and give critique based on 20% of the content. But unfortunately it can sometimes not be helpful. Imagine trying to critique a drawing when you can only see 20% of it. How can you give a proper critique when you're missing 80% of the picture? That aspect of development can be a little difficult because you have feedback flying in from all directions on a thing you're still actively creating.

And that kind of led to some friction with Caleb a while back, which is why it's still kind of this big topic of discussion.

But it's not that it's not okay to have a first impression that is less than positive. That's absolutely okay! It's the point! It's what I wanted.

Like I said, the Caleb issues stemmed from a much earlier place in the development process when there were maybe some conclusions being drawn before everyone had the complete picture. Which, as I said, is very tempting and I get it. Sometimes there ARE characters that rub you the wrong way at the start and you don't want to give them a chance and that's also totally fine! I've had one character like that in all my game-playing endeavours, and I still haven't played his route. 🤣🤣

So to anyone who is/was wary of Caleb. It's fine. It's totally fine. The game is done now so you have the option of getting the full picture if you want it (or ignoring his route if you don't).

That was just something not available to people this time last year.

So all of that to say, I get it. And I appreciate that you gave Caleb a chance and have come to understand him better. And appreciate his flaws and attempts to overcome them (even if he doesn't always succeed). 💞💓💖

[beskarhearts]

Tension (Javier Peña x reader)

gif credits @bestintheparsec

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: mentions of drinking/prostitution, use of the word whore, canon typical violence (shooting), cursing, SOFFTTT Javi (bc I am a hoe for it)

Word count: over 7.1K

Summary: Your relationship with Javier Peña was complex enough and becoming a source to relieve tension for each in a surprising way made it even harder to navigate.

Notes: SURPRISE SHAWTY! I have never written for someone other than Din so I am pretty nervous about this. I love Javi so so so much but I don't know if I write him well. So please give me your honest opinions, like, reblog, share, etc. It means the world to me!

______________________________________

You knew who was knocking at your door before you even opened it. You didn’t know how you always knew but something deep down in you could always just tell, almost instinctually - like your gut knew it before your mind even did. It wasn't like the knock always followed the same pattern. No tell-tale melody that echoed into the still walls of your apartment that clearly indicated whose hand was knocking away. It was always sharp and short but never quiet the same. Yet you knew.

You let out a small puff of air as you dragged your legs over to the door, tossing it open and not even sparing a glance at your visitor as you stumbled to the bottle of whiskey on the empty coffee table you had. “I’m trying to drink into complete oblivion. Go away.”

You poured the golden liquid into the cup, giving yourself a more than fair portion which you greedily gulped. You allowed the warmth of it to wash over you, fill your senses if only for a moment. The silence continued to drag on and you thought that maybe, just maybe, he had left until a husky, hoarse voice spoke out. "Care if I join?"

He sounded exhausted, beaten down. You supposed you sounded the same but it seemed to be more impactful when he was. He sometimes tried to seem so cocky and put together in front of you, didn't ever want his tough façade to crack in front of other people. But in the end, you were both fighting the same battle - one that often left you feeling hollow at the end of the day.

You looked around the apartment you had, your eyes dancing across the plain walls and rarely used furniture. It had become a place for you to merely sleep and drink, and thats if you even had time to drag yourself home. It was empty and lonesome and it had none of the warmth or refuge that a home was supposed to offer. It reminded you of yourself - cold and bare and vacant. And you didn't want to be reminded of that. Hence why you were seeking some semblance of something within the alcohol that danced over your tongue.

Maybe he needed the same. Or maybe you were just hoping he could be the something that would make things a little better.

"Knock yourself out, Peña." you finally spoke, your own voice laced with the kind of exhaustion that was so strong that it made it so you couldn't even sleep. Like sleep and rest was a foreign concept meant for people that weren't you. Meant for people more deserving and more normal. You finally turned as the dark-haired man leant forward, his fingers grazing yours as he grabbed at the bottle. You tried to ignore the rush that ran through you at the contact but after all, isn't that why you allowed him to stay?

He brought the bottle directly to his lips, taking a long sip from it as his eyes fluttered slightly. You scoffed as you walked away, dropping your body on the couch you had and looking up at him. "Thanks for drinking out of the bottle, asshole."

You held out your cup as he neared, allowing him to pull it from his lips and pour it into your glass. Once he had done so, he sat down on the couch next to you and leaned back, letting out a long sigh. You couldn't help the way you studied his face. His brows were furrowed, looking almost stuck in the position, as well as the wrinkles on his forehead that were scrunched up. His neck was trickled with sweat from the baring heat of Columbia as his chest rose and fell, his button-up shirt revealing some of the skin of his collarbone. He took another long sip of the whiskey, bringing the bottle to rest at the coffee table. "This whiskey tastes like shit."

"Then go home and drink your own whiskey." you countered, taking a sip before bringing your own glass down to the table, next to the bottle.

His head lolled over to look at you, brown eyes tracing over your own as you settled into the couch more, bringing your legs up. "I don't want to go home."

The words were said so softly and you understood them. The brokenness and the wear and tear of the job. You tried your best to give him a small smile but was afraid your own face was stuck in a scowl of sorts. "Then don't complain about my liquor."

A small chuckle finally left his lips at your joke, warm air that smelled like cigarettes and whiskey fanning over you. You didn't want to bask in it, show you enjoyed it. But for some reason you did. You had hated the stench of cigarettes before. Thought it was absolutely deplorable. But that was before Peña. Before the smell of cigarettes and liquor always made you think of the DEA agent you had come to simultaneously despise in some ways but also admired greatly in others.

You tried to pull yourself from the endless stream of thoughts that ran through your head, all of which consisting of Javier Peña. But you found it difficult to and you didn't know if it was because the effects of the liquor or the intoxicating pull that he somehow had on you. A small gasp almost left your lips as one of his hands reached out to grab at your knee, coarse fingers gently drawing small movements into your skin that felt like they were being etched into the deepest chamber of your mind. These were the small things that he did that stayed with you. Things you would sporadically remember throughout your day and would make your stomach do twists.

"Peña, what are you doing here?" you asked, not pulling away from his movements despite the future wellbeing of your mind begging you to do so.

"Call me Javier."

You froze, raising a skeptical eyebrow as he turned away from you, staring straight into the bottle that sat in front of him. You couldn't remember a time you had ever called him by his first name. When you had first met him, you had called him Agent Peña and he had teased you for doing so ruthlessly. Saying how your experience in D.C. had made you too much of a goody two-shoes for Columbia. You had resented it at first but ultimately let it get to you, instead calling him just Peña. Calling him his last name had just been a natural thing now, something you always did. First names felt too personal, too deep. Like you were stepping over the lines of work and into a darker territory you couldn't make your way through.

But he had asked.

"Javi, what are you doing here?" you repeated, trying to ignore the way the softer nick name had slipped from your lips rather than his full name. You didn't even know where it came from but it felt more natural.

He let out a small hum, bringing his hand up to run over his face and down his strong nose and past his mustache. "I don't know. Needed some company I guess."

"Isn't that what the whore houses are for?" You didn't mean for it to sound so harsh but the inkling of resentment you held deep within you had managed to slip out. Javier's hand slowly left your knee as he rested them on his thighs, fingers spread and clenching. You shouldn't have said it, shouldn't have made things less civil than they were.

"I guess I wanted your company." he admitted, reaching forward for the bottle and taking a big chug. Your gaze wandered over his back and neck, the muscles seeming so tight. He wasn't relaxing at all. He was so full of tension that it seemed to radiate off him.

You would blame the whiskey on it later, though you knew deep down you hadn't had enough to warrant this behavior from yourself. You would never mention it again. But you let your hand settle on his shoulders, making him freeze. You waited for him to push you away or tell you off, but when he didn't you let your fingers just barely dig into the muscle. His shoulders settled back as he seemed to lean into the touch, his eyes falling closed as his head tilted back softly.

You shimmied your way behind him, each knee on either side of his back as he moved forward to give you more room to settle behind him. You dug your hands in deeper, letting them push into the muscle that seemed as hard as a rock. You pushed into it, worried you had been too hard but a small moan left Javi's lips that sounded like blissful heaven to your ears. It seemed to echo throughout the primarily empty apartment, or maybe that was just your mind playing it over and over again like it was scripture.

"Relax, Javi." you whispered as your hands lowered slightly, digging into the muscles of his back.

A groan this time, one that sounded just as beautiful as the first noise. You closed your eyes, soaking in the contact. You wouldn't admit it but you were desperate for it. Simple touches at the office seemed to light you on fire sometimes. A brush of the shoulder, a hand on your back as he made his way past you, a nudge on your side to get your attention. All of it had felt like so much. But this... this was too much in the most addictive way.

Minutes had passed before your hands made their way up to his neck, lightly massaging the skin there as your eyed his hair. It was always so enticing and so soft. Fuck it. You ran your fingers up and into his hair, letting them spread over his head and he definitely leaned into the touch then, a small sigh leaving his lips.

You knew Javier Peña had been touched. His reputation was no secret. But you wondered if he ever got this. Was physical contact limited to a rough fuck in his apartment with some woman he had to pay afterwards? Or did another's fingers dance and dig and knead into his skin like yours was right now? When was the last time someone had softly ran his hands through his hair with the lone goal to just relax him?

"Bebita..." The word drew out of his lips slowly, almost as if in a prayer. He had called you it once before, shortly after you started, and you had scolded him for it. You remembered the way you had jabbed a finger into his chest, ridiculing him for using such a term with you. But it no longer sounded sinister or condescending like it had that time. It was soft and gentle and you wanted to hear it over and over again. Part of you wanted to beg for it, plead for the word to spill from the lips you admired daily, but you couldn't do it.

Your fingers ran through his hair, down his shoulders and back one last time before you slowly pulled them away. You didn't move from the position you were in, allowing his lower body to pin you against the back of the couch and for your legs to anchor into his sides.

A silence flowed through the room but this one didn't seem as lonesome and volatile as it usually felt when you were by yourself. It was filled with the soft breathing of you and Peña, the small shuffle of his leg as he shifted his head to look back at you. Your breath caught in your throat as he turned his body slightly, eyes staring straight into yours. "Thank you."

You nodded dumbly, your hands coming together so you could twiddle them with the nervousness that filled your body. You were usually so strong, so defiant, so loud. But he had melted you like butter and you felt like you could barely breathe with the way he was looking at you.

When he rose from the couch, you let out a small breath in relief. He would leave, maybe go to one of the women who kept him bed warm, and you could pretend this never happened. Not a word would be mentioned of it and you would see him at the office tomorrow like nothing happened, ignoring the phantom traces of his skin that danced across your fingertips and the way cigarette smoke and the scent of whiskey he exuded seemed to wrap your whole body up and soak you in it like some sort of intoxicating bath.

He slowly made his way to the door, a hand reaching out for the handle but pausing at it. He faced away from you and you looked up at him slowly.

"Goodnight, Peña." Confirmation. It was you telling him to go do what he did and to pretend that you hadn't shared that moment with him. Allow yourselves to both dwindle on it independently but never dare delve into what it just might mean because that would come with answers you don't think either of you were prepared to face.

A small sigh left his lips as he opened the door, offering a small "Goodnight" before he closed it behind him.

Your eyes drifted to the bottle of whiskey, the one his lips had been on, and you brought your hands to your face. The aftershave he used filled your senses and became all you could smell. You tore your hands away and rushed to the small kitchen, where you scrubbed at your hands like they had been stained with blood.

_________

"Thank you for... last night."

Your head whipped up as you found Peña at the head of your desk, hands resting on it as he leant forward so he could quietly speak the words to you, avoiding any other ears that might barge in on such a sensitive topic.

You raised an eyebrow. He wasn't supposed to mention it. He was supposed to pretend it never happened. Not walk to your desk while you were working and thank you for it.

"It's fine, Peña." you said back, trying to keep your voice even and clear. Act like you had nothing to hide. That you had felt nothing and that the feeling of him hadn't been seared into your brain all night and made it impossible to sleep.

You could see Murphy's head pop up slightly, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Pena's softened face and your perplexed one. You cleared your throat and dug a file out from under your desk, opening it and pretending to read the words. But the agent still lingered at your desk, so close that you felt like your chest was tightening up. "You need something, Peña, or just enjoying the view?"

Yes. Sarcastic remarks and plain stares were what you needed. What had to happen because if he looked at you like that anymore and you said something, even the smallest thing, everything would spill over. Peña finally straightened up, fingers dragging off your desk as he looked down at you, his face morphing for the same softness he had used last night to his usual scrunched up eyebrows and plain stare. "No, agent."

You tried to ignore the way the words seemed to be said with some grit, some non-discernible layer that was soaked with annoyance or frustration or maybe even...hurt? You didn't dare look at him again as he walked away, leaving only you and Murphy sitting at your desks. Your eyes traced over the same word over and over again as Murphy let out a small noise.

"Did you sleep with Peña?"

Your head whipped up as your glared at Murphy, the blond-haired man looking slightly intimidated by the harshness in your eyes. "Jesus Christ, Murphy! Do I look like one of Peña's whores?"

"Then what was he thanking you for last night for?"

You had hoped Peña had spoken the words quietly enough but Murphy was after all an agent and could read in between the lines well enough to detect a change in the air between you two. You softened your harsh expression, still giving Murphy a critical look but not one that could kill. "He just... came over for a drink. That's all."

Murphy paused, his eyebrows just slightly bunching together as he looked you up and down like he was trying to find the slightest inconsistency so he could piece together something far more exciting than a drink. But hadn't that been it? A drink and sure, a lousy massage. But nothing else. Nothing special. "A drink?"

"Yes. A drink."

"Why?"

You weren't surprised by the question. You and Peña had a relatively complicated relationship. It had started off with a lot of disdain and aggravation. You were a strong woman, new to Columbia, and you weren't about to be swindled around by the man whore of the DEA. You didn't even have to know the rumors to know that was the case. All it took was walking in the room and seeing his sly looks and flirtatious quips he had given you at first, until he realized you weren't going to fall prey to his good looks and charm.

But once he settled down, realized you were going to be his and Murphy's partner and you were serious about the work, your relationship became amicable. You worked well together - more than you had thought possible initially. You couldn't quiet find out why but you were able to read him pretty well, even more than you usually could with your co-workers. Maybe that was why you always knew it was him knocking or knew when he walked into a room before you even saw him. But you two worked together. So for a while you two remained steady partners with a good work flow.

But once the curtain had been pulled back and you realized Javier Peña might be something other than a work-junkie man whore, you started to appreciate him. You admired his determination and work ethic, because while the man could be brash and a little hot-headed, he had good intentions behind what he did at work. You identified and respected the passion. He wanted to nail Escobar just as badly as you did. Hell, maybe even more. And while it wasn't clear upon first glance and it took you a while to see it, he cared. He cared about people. He might not have loved them but he even cared about the girls from the brothels he visited. He cared about Murphy and you think somewhere deep down, he might of given a shit or two about you.

But it wasn't anything obvious. You don't think anyone would point to you two and remark about how great of friends you were or anything of the sort. In the end, you weren't friends - not really. Or maybe you were in some fucked way that made sense for people like you and Peña. You didn't normally question it. And while you had wondered why he had come to your place for a drink last night, it made sense to you. You couldn't explain why but it just did.

You looked back at Murphy, realizing you had gotten lost in thought and hadn't answered his question. You shrugged slightly, trying to appear non-committal and unbothered. "I don't know. Maybe one of his girls was too busy for him last night."

_________

Five nights. In a row.

You would hear the knock at your door and you would answer every single time, knowing who it was and knowing what would happen. If the whiskey bottle wasn't already out, you would grab it from a cabinet and let him sip from it directly and make a sly comment about how bad it was. There were a couple nights he would try to make conversation but he either didn't know what to say or was too exhausted to try to stall the inevitable. Eventually your hands would land on him and knead into his muscles, stripping it of its tension until he walked out of your apartment.

Javier hadn't bothered to say anything at work again. No additional thank you's or asking if it would happen again. You and him both knew it remained better unspoken and unplanned. You both would rather just have him turn up at your door. Even when it was just you two in the cloak of darkness that wrapped around your apartment, he didn't say anything about it.

Tonight was the first time in a few days you didn't think you would make it home but perhaps to your dismay (or maybe your luck), Javier wouldn't be either. Murphy had given up not long ago at all, leaving the office with a loose tie and frazzled state of mind, muttering something about seeing his wife. The rest of the people had been long gone by then meaning once Murphy left, it was just you and Peña sat at desks across from each other, staring into an endless void of paperwork.

You couldn't tell what time it was, not that it would matter anyways with how much reading you had to do. The less glamorous and exciting side of being a DEA agent meant loads of paperwork and reading, something you hated more than you could describe. You finally blinked, realizing you hadn't done so in a while with the way your eyeballs were stinging. You looked around your desk and let out a grunt. Seven paper cups lined the front of it and you raised an eyebrow. Had you really had seven cups of coffee? Papers were strewn all about, so many little letters that seemed to swim in your mind and become muddled symbols to your weary eyes. The room was mostly dark, except for the glow of your lamp and Javier's.

"You okay?"

You jumped slightly, the sound starling you after what had seemed to be hours of silent reading with the occasional rustle of paper work, sips of caffeine, and puffs of Javier's cigarette. You looked up at Javier who looked just as disheveled as you felt. He had long forgotten his jacket, that was now thrown over the back of his chair with an arm dragging over the floor. His tie was on his desk and a couple buttons of his shirt had been undone. His hair was rustled, like he had been running his hands through it (and looking like it usually did when you were done massaging your own fingers through it). His eyes were lidded but he looked over at you intently.

"Yeah." you croaked out, feeling like the sound of your own voice was foreign after not talking for so long. "Just...exhausted."

"You should go home."

"Nah. I'm not going to sleep. Just drink whiskey and-" You froze. What were going to finish that with? And wait for you to show up at my door?

Peña didn't seem to want you to finish your answer, either because he could fill the restnin on his own or because he didn't care. "You look tense."

"Oh, yeah. Just the compliment every woman wants to hear." you joked, leaning back into your chair and giving Peña a sly smile that he returned.

"Well I tried to call you beautiful once and you yelled at me."

You snorted that time, remembering the memory clearly. Peña had called you hermosa once and you had told him to fuck off, thinking he was trying to just get under your skin. "Yeah. I did."

"If it helps, you look-"

"Don't." you said abruptly. You couldn't handle that. Peña was smooth with everyone but you didn't need him doing it with you. You were already twisted up enough.

"I was going to say you look exhausted as well." Peña cheekily said, one end of his lips quirking up into a small grin.

You rolled your eyes. "Thanks."

You looked back down at your desk, grabbing a piece of paper and lamely looking at it. You didn't look up when you heard Javier rise from his seat and his steps echo into the empty room. You assumed he was leaving, having given up on getting any more work done. That was until you felt two hands rest on your shoulders.

You sat straight up, your body becoming stiff as your felt the hands spread over your shoulders. They were so warm, even through your shirt. You let out a soft sigh when you felt his fingers dig into your shoulders, applying a perfect amount of pressure that felt heavenly.

"This okay?" he softly asked.

You nodded your head. "Yeah, Javi."

He continued pressing into your muscles, each one seeming to relax almost instantaneously with his touch. You hadn't even realized how stiff and sore you had been. How much your body was craving something like this.

You let your eyes flutter shut as you leaned into his touch, letting out a groan when he dug deep into a really wound up spot. "Your muscles feel like shit." he said as his hands drifted lower to your upper back.

"You are full of compliments tonight." you softly said.

"Sorry, bebita." You let out a small hum at the nick name, letting a small smile tilt your lips. Javi was close enough to feel the warmth of his body, to smell cigarettes and the aftershave that had seemed to be stuck to your hands for days now.

Javier seemed to pick up on the small noise before you had, ripping his hands away from you right as the door to the room opened. You sat up straight, grabbing at a piece of paper lamely as Javier shuffled behind you.

'God damn, Murphy.' you thought as the taller agent looked at the two of you, raising an eyebrow.

"I just forgot something." he quietly said, walking to his desk where he grabbed his wallet. He looked back at you two, raising an eyebrow at the way Peña awkwardly started to walk towards his own desk. "Did I interrupt something?"

You sighed, standing up from your desk and grabbing your jacket. "Nope. I was just about to head out for the night."

"Me too." Peña said, grabbing his own jacket and giving you and Murphy a single nod before marching out of the room.

Steve looked back at you, a single eyebrow raised. "Okay. What happened?"

"Nothing. I was just showing him a paper." you muttered, grabbing a file to bring home, already knowing you wouldn't be sleeping at all with the way your mind was whirring.

"What paper?" Murphy critically asked, following after you as you ushered out of the room.

"DEA stuff." you mumbled, hating how you felt like you were being integrated by one of your own partners.

"That's not vague at all." he teased, a small smile popping up on his face as he saw how you were getting more and more flustered.

"Fuck off, Murphy." you huffed, marching out of the office and leaving him behind.

________

The knock on your door this time was much harsher and louder, still enough for you to know who it was but also enough to know Peña was in no good mood tonight. You had come to look forward to the nightly visits but today had been a field day for you that had gone very awry. You were tired and you felt like you were burnt to pieces, crumbling to ash before everybody’s eyes but nobody could put you back together because the damage had already been done.

You waited a few moments but when the knocking presumed at a much faster rate, you knew there was no hope he would walk away and let you spend this night alone to wallow in the events of the day. You opened the door, this time standing at the entrance where an incredibly disheveled Peña stood across from you. For once, he didn’t look tired like he usually did at night. If anything, he looked like a fire had been lit under him that was consuming him whole, swallowing him until he was the orange burst of flames itself. His shirt was unbuttoned at the top like usual but wrinkled. His hair was all over the place. You couldn’t help the way your heart slightly dropped. He looked like a man who got laid.

You slowly walked away from the door, hearing as Peña walked in and slammed it shut behind him. “I’m not in the mood tonight, Peña. Go fuck another one of your girls or something.”

“What the fuck?” he growled.

The aggressive and frantic tone alarmed you, causing you to turn and face him as he stared at you. Upon better inspection, he didn’t look like a man who got laid. But a man who was pissed.

“What the hell is your problem?” you asked, crossing your arms over your chest as you stared him back down, not daring to back away from the challenging gleam in his eyes.

“You nearly got shot today!”

Oh, yeah. It’s not like you had forgotten. It had been the main event of the day, the bullet that was meant for your head just barely grazing you instead. Murphy had been there and said something about it being dumb luck. You had tried to say something about how you didn’t believe in luck and it was just your quick nature, but you had barely been able to get the words out with the way your mind was doing somersaults and the way your whole body seemed to shake with an electrifying cocktail of adrenaline and fear. You had been on the brink of coming to a rather unfortunate death and yeah, you were glad you hadn’t died. But you weren’t glad that the mission had led to little of anything. It had been a fruitless effort and that was the worst part.

“Well, I didn’t so whoopie doo.” you sarcastically answered, throwing your hands up rather undramatically as you tried to make your way to the kitchen to fetch the whiskey as normal. But Peña was faster, marching towards you and grabbing an arm to pull you back.

“You could of died.” Peña hissed, locking eyes with you. The fierceness held in his eyes was almost intimidating, so stark and powerful that it seemed to blow the wind out of your lungs almost as much as your graze with death had earlier in the day.

“Okay. But I’m still alive so I did something right.”

“What were you doing on the field today?”

“Umm... doing my job.” you said, your face scrunching in confusion as you looked up at the man before you. His chest was rising and falling quickly, his hairline beaded with droplets of sweat.

“Why didn’t I know? I should of been there.” Peña demanded, his hand still holding your wrist. The touch was hot and poignant. You didn’t know how but the way his calloused hand grabbed onto your wrist seemed to hold such a vast array of emotions you couldn’t even begin to place them.

“I didn’t realize I had to come to you with everything.” you sarcastically quipped back, trying to pull your hand away with no effort. His grip still remained strong as his eyes wandered all over your face. “Peña, what the hell is your problem?”

“My problem is that you are running around, nearly getting killed.” Javier barked back.

“That’s kind of part of the job!” you yelled back, feeling a frustration grow inside you that felt unfair. You wanted to relax or sleep or get drunk or who knows what. Not have a yelling match with Javier Peña in your shitty apartment.

“You don’t even try to be careful!”

“Well, there are parts of the job that nobody likes but oh well! I don’t like that you nearly get killed or fuck who knows how many women but fuck it, it’s who we are and what we do!” You fired back, feeling your mouth clamp up when you realized the words that were spilling from it freely. The emotions of the day and the heat of the argument was too much and you felt flooded in every which direction. You couldn’t control the onslaught of confessions that tore from your lips and you hadn’t even expected.

Javier hadn’t seemed to either, pulling his hand away from your wrist. He stared back at you, chest still rising dramatically, but his face seemed less enraged and more questioning, curious, and thoughtful. You felt your face warm even more than it had been from the fight, stepping back slowly and nearly stumbling in the process. You were the first to look away, staring down at your hands which were shaking slightly.

“Sit down.”

You looked up at Javier, letting out an awkward chuckle at the bizarreness of his demand. “What?”

“Sit down.” he repeated once again, leaving no room for additional questions and his unwavering stare seemed to demand you to do so. You let out a small sigh and wandered over to your couch. Once your bottom landed on it, you let your body cave forwards, your elbows rested on your knees and hands cradling your face. You didn’t look up even as you heard Peña walking around your apartment, opening cabinets and grabbing glasses. You just kept your face buried within yourself, trying to shield yourself from things you couldn’t comprehend. Perhaps the events of the day or maybe feelings that always seemed to grow within you each time you saw Javier Peña. You couldn’t tell but you had felt like your brain was working at half-capacity, if even that, and you didn’t want to waste it on dwelling over what was plaguing your mind in that moment.

You heard Javier step towards you and you finally brought your hands away from your face, coming up to meet his outstretched hand holding out a cup full of whiskey. He had abandoned his tie he had been wearing when he first entered, his shirt slightly unbuttoned like it always seemed to be. You grabbed the glass from his hand, ignoring the slight tingle that rushed through your fingers at the minimal contact, and took a small sip of the liquid.

“That good?”

You looked up at Javier again, who was still standing in front of you. You nodded slowly. “Yeah. Thanks, Peña.”

His gaze softened as his eyes drifted over your face. “Don’t call me that. Not right now.”

You nodded again. “Thanks, Javi.”

He seemed to visibly relax at the use of the nickname for him. It wasn’t like he had never been called it before. Some people at work had called him that. Family members back in Texas definitely had. Even his former late night companions had yelled out the name in throes of passion. But it sounded sweetest slipping off your tongue, like warm honey. It was something he had come to crave in the last few days like he craved his cigarettes. You had only said it for the first time a few days ago but it had become addicting, sending this sense of calmness through Javier that nothing else seemed to - not even his typical vices he used in abundance.

“Sit on the floor, bebita.” you didn’t bother this time to send him a curious glance, instead just slipping off the couch and plopping your bottom down on the carpeted floor. You felt the couch shuffle behind you as he carefully sat down, one leg swinging over so one leg was framing each side of your body. You leaned back softly, your head meeting his upper body and you let out a soft hum, bringing the glass to your lips to take another sip. Your eyes fluttered closed when you felt calloused fingers meet your neck, rubbing it up and down in a way that was slightly ticklish, but not in a bothersome way. They were warm and rough but also soft. They knew what to do to put you at ease, something you can’t remember ever finding in a person. Touch had never been your love language, instead oftentimes making you uncomfortable. But Javiers touch had always done something to you that you couldn’t explain. Maybe a thrill, maybe a need. You didn’t know but did it really matter when no matter what it always felt so good?

“You mind if I take this out?” Peña whispered, his hands trialing up to the hair tie that held your hair back into what was now a rather messy ponytail. You didn’t speak, only slowly nodding your head. He gently began to pull the tie down, letting your hair slip out from its confines and cascade down. His fingers lightly brushed through your hair, occasionally getting stuck in tangled that he gently worked through for what seemed to be hours. You let him do so, the gentle touches and silence making a warm peace fill you. Eventually his finger tips moved upwards, reaching your scalp and lightly moving slow patterns through it. “You are so beautiful, bebita.”

You were so relaxed that you didn’t allow anxiety or confusion to run through you from him compliment. You just let out a small hum, opening your eyes and tilting your head far back to make eye contact with Javier. He looked straight down at you, brown eyes full of so much warmth and admiration that it seemed to take your breath away. You didn’t want to but you managed to somehow pull your eyes away, looking back down so he could continue massaging your scalp. “I need you to be more careful.”

“If it helps, it freaked me out too.” you gently offered, trying not to read too much into his request.

“Are you okay?”

“I will be.” I will be if you stay.

“I just want you to be okay.”

The softness with which the words were spoken were so new, so vulnerable. It was a new side to Javier. He had always seemed to keep an eye out for you but you assumed it to be because you were partners and that’s what you should do. But this wasn’t just two partners watching each other’s backs. This was personal and raw and meaningful. So much so that you couldn’t try to deny it or brush it off as some meaningless, odd occurrence. At least you prayed to God you couldn’t.

“Are you okay?” you asked, slowly bringing a hand up to rest at one of his knees. It was an awkward angle but you just wanted to hold him in some way. Part of you yearned to bring your fingers to your head and intertwine them with his but you didn’t want to step over a boundary and ruin the haven that seemed to encompass you both.

“I’m okay when I’m with you.” Javier confessed. “If anything happened to you...”

His voice drifted off but you didn’t need him to fill in the blanks. You had voiced those same concerns to yourself in the middle of the night and before missions. What if? It was such a terrifying, earth shattering question. More than it should be for two people who were just ‘partners’.

“I’m here, Javi. And you are here. We are okay.” you soothed, your hand rubbing his knee slowly. You slowly turned your head, causing his fingers to slip away from it as you adjusted your body to face him. You looked up at him. “Can I do something?”

“Anything.”

You slowly rose from your spot on the ground, pulling yourself up slowly as you slipped one leg on each side of Javier. You slowly lowered yourself, not breaking eye contact as you sat onto his lap slowly, moving at a snails pace. His hands seemed to instinctually reach out, wrapping around your back to shimmy you closer to him. You lowered yourself into him, sinking into his warm embrace and allowing your face to cradle into the nook of his neck. One of his hands moved back up to your hair, running down it. You took a deep breath, taking in the scent of him: the aftershave and the cigarettes and the smell that was so inherently Javier. You reached your hands up to wrap around his neck, pulling him into you like your life depended on it. “Javi?”

“Yes, hermosa?”

“What is happening?” you mumbled into his neck, your warm breath fanning into his skin.

“What do you mean?” He knew what you meant but he needed you to say it. He couldn’t because this was one of the few things in life he was genuinely scared of.

“This isn’t just massages, is it? This is...more.” You didn’t mean to sound so needy or pleading, like your well-being depended on the answer. You weren’t that type of woman normally. But you needed him to say something now, something that wouldn’t break your heart into two.

“It’s not just massages.” Javi said, stilling his moments. You slowly pulled back, now facing him. You brought your hands down to his shoulders, rubbing them softly with a nervous smile on your face.

“What is it then?”

Javi took several moments to respond, simply staring back into your timid eyes. You were nervous but you found shelter in the way his breathing seemed to pick up and his eyes had a nerve-wracking glimmer in them.

“I’m not good at this.” He confessed.

"Me either." A small smile finally broke out as you said the words, causing Peña to give you a small, lopsided grin. He brought a hand to your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek in a way that sent a shiver down your spine.

Javi finally let a long sigh pull from his lips, his gaze not wavering as he spoke. "I just know that I want you."

"I want you, too." you barely whispered out.

"I don't know how to do this." he whispered, shrugging slightly.

You leaned into him, giving him a hug as you furrowed yourself into the shape of his body, allowing yourself to meld into one. You had once thought that if a moment like this ever happened, your heart would race and you would panic. But in the moment, everything, for once in your life, seemed to fall in place. "Me either. But I wanna do it with you."

You felt Javier nod against you, relaxing further as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in even deeper. "Me too, bebita."

You had never felt this feeling before but somehow, in the back of your mind, you knew everything would be okay.

[itsbenedict]

I just finished hosting a 15-person game of Mafia for some friends. One tradition we have for these games is that every death is accompanied by some themed narration, so for my game I opted to spice it up with some art on top. Had to draw it real quick since I didn't know for sure who was going to die next until it happened.

The game's theme was "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure", with the hidden subtheme that all the roles (stands) were named after They Might Be Giants (@tmbgareok) songs! A list of their powers, links to songs, and a recap of the game under the cut.

01) Mogis - 「Flo Wheeler」

02) TD260 - 「Working Undercover For The Man」

03) JGH27 - 「Good To Be Alive」

04) Raya - 「Stone Cold Coup D'Etat」

05) KK / Sahrimnir - 「Thinking Machine」

06) Spontaneous Combustion - 「The Statue Got Me High」

07) Leviwulf - 「Push Back The Hands」

08) DarkFalco - 「I Am Alone」

09) Deli064 - 「Doctor Worm」

10) Fedaykin - 「Letterbox」

11) Surge - 「I Am Alone」

12) Wikxen - 「Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head」

13) Minby - 「Where Your Eyes Don't Go」

14) Bel - 「(She Was A) Hotel Detective」

15) SnakeInABox - 「By The Time You Get This」

Bold roles were Jotunheim (Mafia), normal roles were Johnsburg (Town), and italicized roles were third parties. (Jotunheim is the realm of giants from Norse mythology! The mafia were, in fact, giants! And the town's job was to figure out who might be giants! And the two sides were Jo and Jo! JOKES!)

「Flo Wheeler」 was a town role with a power that was pretty dangerous to the user- if anyone happened to be watching or tracking when a kill took place at night, Mogis would look like they'd visited the target that night in addition to whoever actually did. It could potentially be used to catch a mafioso in a lie, but otherwise it was more of an obstacle for the town to overcome- a miller-type role.

♪ You can't do the time, therefore you didn't do the crime ♪

「Working Undercover For The Man」 was a third-party role working for the Speedwagon Foundation to perform a threat assessment. TD could win with the town, but could win and leave early if he could guess all the names or powers of every other stand in the game. He could scan a name every night, to help that along.

♪ Planning midnight raids / On our unsuspecting fans / While the roadies rig / The video surveillance van ♪

「Good To Be Alive」 was a spin on the usual town doctor role- normally, a doctor can target a player and prevent their death if they would die that night. But... JGH couldn't actually prevent deaths- just fake it. The dead would become ghosts, who couldn't vote and couldn't be killed but were still allowed to talk as if they were alive.

♪ Hello leg / such a shaky leg / Just barely more than decoration ♪

「Stone Cold Coup D'Etat」 was a third party with an unusual win condition. They had to recruit a certain number of people to a private side-chat- and then make sure all those people got killed. Plus, she could redirect anything that happened to her at night to her recruits. If the recruits figured out what she was doing and got rid of her, they'd get a boost to their power.

♪ The bark now commands the trees / The queen is overruled by the bees ♪

「Thinking Machine」 was a town role with a mysterious purpose that didn't seem to make much sense at first. Sah would get, every morning, a strange series of numbers and letters of uncertain origin. It was information, somehow, but how to use it?

♪ Tape has brightening arm connect (Wait, that didn't make sense.) / Self-paint lever itching does! (That made even less sense!) ♪

「The Statue Got Me High」 was a mafia power. As the song describes, the victim is enthralled by the monolith and forced to obey its commands, until their eventual death. That is, Spont could recruit a player to the mafia, but they'd die one night later- and if he wasn't careful, he could die and his recruit would flip back.

♪ And now it is your turn (your turn to hear the stone and then your turn to burn) / The stone, it calls to you (you can't refuse to do the things it tells you to) ♪

「Push Back The Hands」 was a passive ability that caused anything that would happen to Levi- a nightkill, an execution, some other power- to be delayed by one day, giving him some time to react. He'd be told who it was that targeted him, so going after him as mafia was risky.

♪ Screeching tires but never a collision / Endless day without a sunset provision ♪

「I Am Alone」 was a weird one. See, DarkFalco, who was mafia, didn't have a stand as such. She was the stand- and she was the stand of Surge, who was town. They were linked together in everything, meaning the mafia had to work to keep Surge alive on top of their own people. She could send messages to Surge at night to mess with him, though.

♪ Before you fire I should inform you / One of us is a double ♪

「Doctor Worm」 had no real special abilities. His ability was to be pretty good at playing the drums, a power that had absolutely no relevance in a game of Mafia.

♪ I'm not a real doctor, but I am a real worm I am an actual worm ♪

「Letterbox」 was a mafia ability that let Fedaykin pick another player, and offer that player a chance to deliver a private message to one other player of their choice. He could see the "secret" communications, though, and once per game he could edit the message before delivering it.

♪ I'll never know what you'll find when you open up your letter box tomorrow ♪

「Put Your Hand Inside The Puppet Head」 is a classically mafia ability, but in the hands of a town player: the ability to force another player to vote for another. Normally the manipulated person isn't allowed to say what happened, but there was no such restriction here- confusion's no good for the town.

♪ Memo to myself: do the dumb things i gotta do: Touch the puppet head ♪

「Where Your Eyes Don't Go」 let Minby pick someone else to watch him at night. If anyone visited him to target him with an ability, the person he designated would be told the names of those people. A nasty trap for the mafia, as long as Minby doesn't pick a mafioso to share the information with.

♪ Where your eyes don't go, a part of you is hovering / It's a nightmare that you'll never be discovering / You're free to come and go / Or talk like Kurtis Blow / But there's a pair of eyes in back of your head ♪

「(She Was A) Hotel Detective」 was a very powerful town role- Bel was the cop, and could scan another player's alignment at night, plus track or watch them. Except... not directly. She couldn't scan players- she could scan hotel rooms, and if other players didn't check into the hotel at night or give up their room numbers, her information was useless.

Here are the room numbers, in order: Levi (1) Snake (2) JGH (3) TD (4) Spont (5) Sah (6) Deli (7) Fed (8) Minby (9) Falco/Surge (10) Raya (11) Wikxen (12) Mogis (13).

(Oh, and Thinking Machine's codes were actually encoded versions of her results, and Sah would get a weaker version of her power if she ever died.)

♪ She's got her ear to the walls / And she's tappin' the calls / If you've got a secret, boy / Forget about it! ♪

「By The Time You Get This」 imbued its wielder with the incredible powers of... an estate lawyer! Which meant Snake could leave a will behind when he died, naming another player and casting a vote on them from beyond the grave the next day.

♪ By the time you get this note / We'll no longer be alive / But our skulls are smiling still / At the thought of things to come ♪

So! Here's how it all shook out.

Day 1: The first day is always kind of a tossup, since no one has any information yet, and everyone's just trying to verbally stir the pot. Levi soft-claims his role right out the gate, warning town not to try targeting him or else. Mogis is executed, casting a vote on himself to save the town the trouble of dealing with Flo Wheeler.

Night 1: Spont uses the statue to recruit Wikxen, at the same time that Wikxen forces Snake to vote for Levi. So, now the usually-scum power in the hands of town is in the hands of scum for real. Bel scans room 3, and learns that its occupant is innocent. Raya recruits DarkFalco, and accidentally recruits Surge alongside her, to her surprise. JGH tries protecting Levi, to test if his claim was a bluff.

Day 2: Levi tries to push JGH on the basis of having targeted him last night, but everyone agrees to wait and see if Levi actually dies first. Votes circle around Wikxen and Raya for suspicious-seeming defensiveness on Day 1, and ultimately, when it seems like Wikxen's about to be executed, a small group of players flip their votes at the last minute and vote Raya out while she's asleep and can't defend herself. Rude! She was poised to win the game for herself and the town, since she'd convinced Falco that the mafia would benefit somehow if they were all recruited.

Night 2: The mafia kills Minby- and Minby opts to tell have Fed watch him, wasting his power. Lucky for town, though, Bel happens to scan room 8, confirming Fed is mafia since he volunteered his room number. Wikxen's coat contains a furnace where there used to be a guy.

Day 3: Wikxen forced Snake to vote for J, making him look bad- but Sah begins sharing his bizarre results from Thinking Machine, and Bel confirms that they're a log of her detective power. Then she points out that Fed is mafia, and the town falls in line behind the accusation with Sah to confirm.

Night 3: Spont uses the statue to recruit Bel, to keep any more problematic scans from ruining them. Bel, before being recruited, scans room 10, though- and now the town knows there's something funky with Falco and Surge, because Sah gets the results and knows what they mean. Due to their mismatched alignments, though, the encoded version is still misleading, so there's wiggle room. TD scans Spont and learns his role name.

Day 4: Spont concocts a daring scheme. He has Bel lie and claim to have received an incriminating result on him- so that Bel will be caught in said lie when Sah produces his own results. The plan is to frame Bel, who's a dead girl walking anyway, and clear Spont's name going forward. But the town talks themselves into explaining away the contradiction- even when TD reveals Spont's stand name, and Spont denies it outright and claims 「Combustible Head」, a fake vigilante (town nightkiller) role instead, the town explains away that, too. After a few more people claim, TD260 has completed his mission- his correct guess wins him the game and he leaves. Spont cleverly excuses himself by claiming that TD lied about his role to get him to claim his "real" one. Afterwards, the town ends up executing Deli064 instead, for some reason- poor Doctor Worm!

Night 4: The evidence vanishes from Bel's charred and smoking chair- because JGH tries to protect her at the same time the mafia are killing him! Bel is a ghost now, and the town never finds out her alignment.

Day 5: Bel not dying poses a problem for the mafia, because Spont was supposed to prove his own innocence by pretending to kill her! The mafia tries to misdirect by having Bel lie again, claiming to scan room 10 when she actually scanned room 6, Sah. Ultimately, though, the town is able to coordinate behind killing Surge and Falco, which- because they're linked- is a compromise option that both parties are happy with (when perhaps they shouldn't be).

Night 5: Since Bel is technically dead, Spont recruits again, grabbing Sah and removing the threat of scans entirely. If he'd recruited Snake instead, they'd have won on the spot, since only his will-vote prevented them from winning instantly due to outnumbering the town. We move on to a somewhat redundant...

Day 6: It's now down to five players- Spont, Sah, and Bel vs Levi and Snake. The mafia technically outnumber the town, but Bel's vote doesn't count, and Sah's going to burn the next night- so the town can still win by forcing a tie and then using Snake's By The Time You Get This power to place a vote on Spont. But that's if they can figure it out and get on the same page, and... they don't. There's no way there could be three mafia still alive, so the mafia are able to sow total confusion and ultimately get the town all voting for Bel... who's a ghost, and can't vote or be executed, which the town doesn't know because JGH died before he could fully explain. The execution defaults to Snake, and the mafia win the game.

[thisiskatsblog]

"ok but who said you can have it all" exactly! Some people act like it's his god-given right to be able to make 100s of millions of dollars from a highly publicised het image and at the same time not be questioned about expressing his opinion and taking up space in LGBT conversations and opportunities. Having it all is what he is banking on, but the arrogance and lack of integrity of this strategy is catching up to him. I hope he grows to understand and take more responsibility.

well, he has right to make as much money as he wants in any way that isn't illegal and lying about your relationship(s) is not illegal so, i cannot stop him from it. 

but it is my, and every LGBTQ+ fan’s right to decide where we draw the line.

Harry took one of OUR flags in Buffalo. That was the hard work of THIS fandom. Of three of my friends and me, initially, and then of ten, twenty others, a hundred others, and so on. We, LGBTQ+ fans went out with those flags, we, LGBTQ+ fans, all risked things doing that. We had the idea to do this, we made it happen, and yes, Louis and Harry played a part in it too, they encouraged it by wearing rainbow t shirts and picking up a rainbow bracelet and tweeting "I study rainbows" and playing around with those fucking bears. 

But what I'm saying is that if we built this movement, and they encouraged it, it's pretty arrogant indeed to then turn it around on the exact same people, again and again, to make sure you still get the money from everyone. To profit from our efforts, being able to be yourself, building your marketing strategy for albums 1, 2 and 3 on the queer imagery, while at the same time pandering to the hets with your stunts, and allowing SO many articles to get published on how it's people who believe Harry is with Louis who are stalking and hating on Olivia.  The previous article in Rolling Stone left it in the middle, but this one said it straight out. And I'm so done with it. 

And yes. Ultimately other LGBTQ+ people who are looking at this debacle are also going to be asking questions, wonder if you’re queerbaiting, be critical of how you go to just the point where it’s still palatable, and then get photographed with a model, making LGBTQ+ fans who look up to you look like fools. 

Last year, I got hated on by a girl who asked Harry to help her come out. Me and my friends started Rainbow Direction - that is the whole reason why this girl feels safe in this fandom in the first place. How am I supposed to feel after that?

So. Your words came across as quite harsh to me initially, anon, but when I think about it, when I am honest about it, what I find in my heart is that “arrogance” and “lack of integrity”, are words that resonate with me. I always keep wondering: whose arrogance? WHose lack of integrity. If Harry’s he’s not the Harry I thought he was. So I also wonder: how much choice does Harry have in all this? If he did have the choice, does he realize he made some mistakes there? Or does he not care at all? Or does he still, after all this, have no choice in the stunts? Does he have no control at all over the Olivia narrative? I don’ tknow anymore. 

He isn't going to talk about that in any direct way, ever, I don't think. I just keep wondering about it. And being sad. Because I feel shat on and I do know I definitely don't deserve that.

[magicalgirlagency]

I haven't properly watched all of amphibia as of now so I'm probably not one to talk but I don't understand what you mean about the emotionally dramatic stuff not having a point. I mean as far as I know marcy ultimately breaks free of the core's control and manages to make amends with her friends, and I don't really see what the issue is if the character develops in a way that they ultimately recover from what they've been through. (also I don't mind if you have to give spoilers in order to explain, I just need a clearer opinion on what you think this show did wrong)

Not to worry, I'll resume it for you: What was the point of resorting to actual on-screen child murder to traumatize these children, if everything was going to end up okay? Don't you think that killing Marcy off for a while seemed rather excessive and radical?

Prior to the finale, I was basically expecting the worst to happen; like I was so sure that there wouldn't be a happy ending, that Anne and Sasha would be forced to put Marcy out of her misery (hence the final episode's title being The Hardest Part; it kinda implied to me that a huge sacrifice would be made)... basically, I was expecting MOTHER3's final confrontation against the Masked Man.

But that doesn't happen.

And I was sitting to myself in silence, wondering what the fuck was the reason behind all of this turmoil.

I know I am supposed to be happy because it's a happy ending, but at what cost?!

What was the reason of impaling Marcy on-screen? What was the reason of putting her on a tube like some freaky experiment? What was the reason of stripping her humanity away? What was the reason of torturing her psychologically? What was the reason of transforming her into a super-soldier-CPU-puppet-abomination-thing?

What was the reason for ALL OF THIS, if things were going to end alright?! Tell me, was to make everyone anxious? Paranoid? Scared? Stressed out beyond belief?

And I'm not saying that Anne and Sasha aren't important on their own; but Marcy stood out to me the most because I could relate to her.

A bright young girl who loves video games and anything fantasy-related. She's super smart, but is very accident prone when she gets too focused on something. She indulges in her fantasies and uses what she knows to her favor.

Like, that's me. That's me, for real. Marcy Wu was specifically designed for daydreamers like ME.

So, imagine my disappointment after True Colors debuted. And what's even worse: Disney allowed this. They have allowed a child being murdered on screen, but they draw the line at gay characters (The Owl House says hello). That's some fucked up shit.

Like, really; if I got a nickel for every time I grow attached to a kind-hearted green-coded neurodivergent asian teenaged protagonist, only for them to be shamelessly tortured by the narrative and get the most harsh reality check ever and have their designs go under radically perversed transformations to showcase their pain, and have my expectations complete and utterly betrayed right in front of my very hopeful eyes, I'd have two nickels...

...which it isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, huh?

Even if there was a happy ending, I am still upset that we had to go witness all of this. Was it even necessary on the first place? Did the the staff had fun doing this? Did they manage to get everything out of their system? Did they got what they wanted?

Long Story Short: I feel like I was relentlessly bullied, only for in the end someone come and say "It's just a prank, bruh!" after I become visibly upset and distressed.

Well, I ain't laughing, pal. That wasn't funny. Fuck you.

And call me a boomer if you want, but I am tired of seeing child/teenaged MCs being put in traumatic situations. It's 2022 already; how about a fantasy/sci-fi story with an ADULT instead?

[stormyreadingsxx]

The Moon On September 24th

Around the time I was gifted (thank you Isabelle <3) a radical astrology book that allowed me to unlock and understand the information laying in my and other peoples' native charts, I started to meditate and become proactive in the battle against my anxiety. I'm a pretty mercurial person (all mutable important placements represent!!!!) which means racing thoughts on a good day. Between covid, job insecurity and the fact that my profession is extremely dangerous health wise, and rising racial tensions I was barely sleeping. Barely eating. And definitely not leaving my house.

Now, I’m still an anxious person but I’ve come worlds away from just a few months ago. What healed this Virgo/Gemini Rising most of all was probably the act of gathering and farming information, knowing later (no matter how much later) it will become useful and click into place. I was using my hands, journaling and trying to commit this information to memory, and establishing a regular schedule of mediation. The moon inherently has so much to do with astrology, tarot, meditation and spirituality and so forth that it's an interesting way to read the general energy around you.

What I've learned is that every day of the week has a planetary and zodiac correspondence. Certain things and themes that are a good time to ruminate (or meditate) over for the day and manifest growth, enlightenment, and prosperity in those areas. For example, Friday is in honor of the goddesses Aphrodite & Venus. It is time to be thankful for all they do an their domain: love.

Self-love, love of others and your community, and whatever it can be interpreted to you. It's a time I asked for forgiveness, understanding, to be a better friend to others and myself. Light pink candles and let the feeling flow through you. What's love got to do with it? Or how about Saturday, ruled by planet Saturn and all about personal transformation. Death. Rebirth. The week comes to a close soon after, have you changed since then? Saturdays, I asked for the ability to adapt to and be brave enough to accept change.

Looking at things like the day of the week, the sign of the moon, and what phase it's in can do just that. Putting these pieces together is a lot like stepping back and taking a look at the big picture of a tarot reading. What do these things say together?

Today, the moon is in its First Quarter phase (meaning it is growing brighter) in Capricorn on a Thursday.

When it comes to following the moon's cycle, the First Quarter phase is a good time to stop and check in on progress. What seeds did you plant on the New Moon? Are they budding green sprouts in the soil? Maybe you need to adjust your focus and energies. Check in with your higher self and ask: am I where I need to be? Try and gain momentum for the rest of the lunar cycle and overcome anything blocking your way.

There is a responsible, earthy, active energy over us all tonight as Capricorn brings our productivity into question. You can count on this cardinal sign to start many projects and remain in motion (known for an addictive love of money or financial security).

"You might have a strong need for being useful to the society and you look for justification in the outside world. You may underestimate what you want from yourself and for yourself. Shyness may be accompanied by resentment of the fact that others ignore you. Do not seek approval from the outside, it will not help you get rid of your doubt and it is harmful to you. You have to trust your inner values."

The moon is picking up size and momentum as it hurdles towards it's full phase. Impacted by the sensibilities of Capricorn, it can make for an enlightening but uncomfortable time. Lean into the feeling you don't like, it's growth. What does Thursday have to do with this?

A day dedicated to Thor, Jupiter, and Juno, this day is all about luck. Ever felt like you had a guardian angel keeping you from getting into too much trouble? There could be some synergy in your astrological chart (like my Sun, Moon, Venus, and Jupiter being in conjunction or in the same sign!). Virgo isn't the easiest placement to have in a lot of my positions, but having them in line has definitely given me some comic form of luck in my life.

Thursdays are a good day to ask for prosperity, luck, and good health. Health is something currently always on our minds in this climate. Worrying is inevitable, take it from me. But, one thing I’ve learned is that anxiety is a world-class summoner. You’re attracting that which you dread, so get into the habit of thinking about and asking for positive things. Luck. Good fortune. Gratitude. Positivity. Try to draw all of this (and money) to yourself by the way you think!

The card I pulled with all of this on my mind is the Three of Wands.

Strategy, planning, strength, travel

“While the Two of Wands speaks to planning for the future from a place of safety and comfort, the Three of Wands shows that your plans are now well underway and you are considering even more opportunities to expand your current strategy and maximize your ultimate potential. Everything is progressing steadily and as expected, thanks to your solid preparation and ongoing drive.

The Three of Wands signals the many chances available to you to broaden your horizons through study, travel, business enterprise and learning. You are becoming more aware of the opportunities that exist for you right now – and there are still more to come. To take advantage of this potential, you must stay committed to your path and be prepared to stretch beyond your comfort zone, knowing your best hopes lie outside of your current environment. It is time to think BIG. Consider what you can to open doors to more development and self-exploration. This card encourages you to dream bigger than your limitations. Accept your vision and be confident you will achieve it.“

Find your wind, your drive, and dream big no matter what worries you.

[overthinkingkdrama]

Exit Review: Hotel De Luna

I'm trying to find a new, quick, neat review format that I can use when I don't really have enough to say to give you the whole review. But let's face it. This blog hasn't really been about reviews for a while now. A lot of that comes down to a shifting of my priorities these days. But I definitely am not ready to shut this blog down or stop doing what I've been doing for the past years, which is giving you my completely selfish commentary on Kdramas and how they make me feel.

That said, he's a review for a drama that ended back in September:

Synopsis

Hotel Del Luna  is the 12th full length drama written by the Hong Sisters, and like many of their other works is built around ghosts, folklore, and the sisters' particular brand of adapting previously existing stories into the classic Kdrama romcom format.

The drama tells the story of Jang Man Wol (Lee Ji Eun, aka IU), a materialistic, bad-tempered immortal woman who is the caretaker to The Inn of the Moon (rebranded Hotel Del Luna to keep up with the times) the last pit stop for the sprits of the dead before they pass on to the afterlife. She competently undertakes this task as a way to pay off some heavy duty bad karma from her tragic and bloody past. After centuries spent like this, world-weary Man Wol strikes a bargain to bring hardworking, scaredy-cat and Harvard grad, Goo Chan Seong (Yeo Jin Goo) to work as her hotel manager...very much against his will.

Whether he likes it or not, Chan Seong ends up acting as the human liaison for this luxurious ghost hotel, unlocking the secrets of its CEO and her mysterious past, as well as finding out what his connection is to this magical world.

Review

Story: Hotel Del Luna is essentially a gender swapped Beauty and the Beast set up, but with gods and ghosts. Which, is absolutely my cup of tea. And there's some pretty on the nose symbolism alluding to familiar Beauty and the Beast motifs (like enchanted undying flowers, lonely compelling monsters in high towers, well meaning peasant [boys] indentured to said monsters against their will, fancy staircases...)

But after the first couple of episodes the familiar set up recedes more into the background, and the format becomes a straightforward monster of the week, unlikely partners kind of drama. We've seen this before from the Hong Sisters. Hwayugi does it and Master's Sun does too, to a greater or lesser degree of success. This is clearly the Hongs' comfort zone, and they're good at it. I even noticed a couple story lines that had been taken and tweaked from previous dramas (specifically the spirit marriage plot line which is reused from Master's Sun) and it felt like they wanted to redo some old ideas with a bigger budget and a more experience. For the most part it works.

However, the drama suffers from some serious issues with pacing and tone. While the tone issues even out over time, there is a fair bit of one off slapstick humor which feels disconnected and rather corny in the context of the grander narrative. (Think My Girlfriend is a Gumiho's running fart gag, but classed up slightly.) But by far the pacing is the biggest problem Hotel Del Luna struggles with for the entirety of the run. It feels like the episodes are about a quarter filler. An issue that I feel could have been completely sidestepped had the Hong Sisters had only 1 hour to fill per episodes, rather than tvN's monstrous feeling hour and fifteen minute episodes which only grow longer as the run goes on.

Acting: IU owns this drama. This is Man Wol's world and we're all just living it in, ladies and gentleman. It's not just the fact that IU is consistently the most visually enticing thing in any given scene, she gives the drama vibrancy and life and you feel the lack whenever she's not on screen.

It's not that Yeo Jin Goo isn't a solid young actor, or even that he does a bad job in the drama. He doesn't do a bad job at all. It's just that Chan Seong isn't nearly as complex or dynamic as Man Wol. He's very much playing the uptight straight man to Man Wol's capricious and charismatic anti-heroine, and as such he seems to rather shrink beside her. If you want to see Yeo Jin Goo in a role that stretches him and lets him show of his dynamism, The Crowned Clown was his break out moment of the year. In HDL he is more or less another pretty accessory to hang from IU's arm.

Because the Hongs have been around forever they've also worked with everyone, this drama is a wealth of cheeky cameos and familiar faces and the extended cast makes the world feel full and lived in. There were a number of minor characters I felt invested in and enjoyed watching their plot lines play out.

But let's be real, IU is the single best reason to watch this drama.

Production: HDL is gorgeous to look at. The sets and costumes (especially Man Wol's outfits, which she changes at least 5 times an episodes) are downright luscious. We've come a long way from the distractingly chintzy makeup and costume design of Master's Sun. Hell, it even feels like we're lightyears ahead of Hwayugi, which was just two years ago. The style and motifs of HDL feel like they have a real identity, that they all come from the same place. Real love and thought went into the way the hotel looks and feels, as well as the way the characters dress and the supernatural world they live in.

Feels: The biggest thing about HDL that I felt let down by was the romance. It's not that it was bad, or in some way offensive. Quite the opposite really. The romance in HDL was just okay, just middle of the road. They had an excellent template (Beauty and the mofuckin' Beast y'all) to draw from, and two attractive, talented young people to helm the show and it just...didn't ignite for me. I've seen people praising the chemistry between the leads, and I'm sorry to say I just don't see it. It's okay, it's not leaping out of the screen for me. It's...functional. That's it, that's the big hairy gripe I've got with this show (besides the filler and typical tvN bloat).

What I loved about this drama was the heroine. I loved Man Wol and all of the joy and fun and sentiment and sorrow IU poured into her performance. I felt like IU was establishing herself in this role as a Park Min Young-type force in the drama world, who can carry entire productions on her shoulders. Man Wol in HDL isn't Ji An from My Mister--she can't be; she shouldn't be--but like Ji An she is allowed to be flawed, she allowed to be cruel and miserable and petty and sometimes even wicked. And I love that, because we don't get enough female characters like that, who are allowed to be wrong and yet redeemed, who are allowed to be shallow and bitter and do the selfish thing, and yet still learn from their mistakes and do better.

I like that Man Wol's gray morality isn't abandoned half way through the drama, and her arc isn't dropped or subordinated to Chan Seong's. She is the main character, the driver of the story, and that never changes throughout the run. The "happy ending" of the story is about her, not about the male lead. There's really nothing that annoys me more than a drama that builds up its lead as having a dark side, a checkered past, a hair trigger or a penchant for violence, and then refuses to show that side of the character to the audience for fear of making them unlikable. Female characters especially get this sort of treatment all the time. Man Wol is allowed to be an ambiguous character, she is allowed to fuck up and be forgiven, and ultimately be rewarded. And I think that's fabulous.

Would I recommend Hotel Del Luna? For fantasy fans, IU fans, and misguided Hong sisters completionists (that's mainly just me, I think) I would absolutely recommend HDL. It's definitely one of the better Hong Sisters offerings, stronger on its own merits than Hwayugi, and the closest yet in my opinion to reclaiming the glory of Master's Sun in terms of fantasy romance fun.  8.5/10