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matan4il · 10 months

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Update post:

First, on a personal note, I started my day by calling my family that lives outside of Jerusalem to tell them I'm alive. Two terrorists, residents of an Arab neighborhood of Jerusalem (i.e, not Palestinians, who would have to go through a checkpoint, giving soldiers the opportunity to stop them), started shooting people standing at the bus station at the entrance to the city, using a gun and an assault rifle. Three people were killed, one of them a young woman, 24 years old, one is a 73 years old rabbi, and the last is a 67 years old woman. At least 9 more people were injured, 3 of them are still in serious condition. The two terrorists were neutralized at the scene thanks to three people who fired back, one of them was a soldier who was on a 12 hour leave from Gaza, he was at the bus station on his way back to his unit. The terrorists were brothers, affiliated with Hamas, and both had been jailed for terrorist activity in the past. Some of the convicted terrorists who had been released in the past few days, to free innocent Israeli civilians, are residents of the same Jerusalem neighborhood.

Then there was a second terrorist attack today in the Jordan Valley, in this case the terrorist tried driving his vehicle into a crowd, he was neutralized, a few people are injured lightly.

This is Kfir Bibas.

He's the baby who was 9 months old when he was kidnapped together with his 4 years old brother Ariel, his mom Shiri and his dad Yarden. Hamas first said that the Bibas family was handed over by them to another terrorist organization to hold them. Yesterday, Hamas said the Bibas family had been killed by Israeli fire in Gaza. Hamas had previously said that 19 years old Noa Marziano was killed by Israeli fire, it later turned out that she was murdered by a Hamas terrorist in the basement of the Shifa hospital in Gaza. Hamas also said Chana Katzir was killed by Israeli fire. She was released alive. We're all hoping that Hamas is lying about the Bibas family, and that we will see little Kfir and Ariel again, that this is just another part of Hamas' psychological warfare (i.e, psychological torture).

This is 17 years old Aisha al-Ziadna.

You can tell from her hijab, that there is no way Hamas didn't know they were kidnapping a Muslim teenager when they took her, her dad, and her two brothers captive. We know that on the list of hostages to be released today, there are 2 kids. It was just confirmed that it's Aisha and her 18 years old brother Bilal. I'm so glad for Aisha and her family! I'll also admit that as a woman, I've been more worried this whole time for all the girls and women held captive by rapists. I've heard an Israeli Bedouin saying he believed Hamas was keeping her to be released among the last of the hostage kids, to drive a greater wedge between Israel and its Bedouin population. If Aisha and Bilal will finally be freed today, that would mean 38 of the 40 kidnapped kids and teenagers have been released, and the only two remaining in Gaza are Kfir and Ariel Bibas.

We've been hearing more and more about the conditions of captivity the hostages were held under. I'll emphasize that they were kept separately, so what's true for one, is not necesarily true for all, but the overall picture is grim.

Most hostages were kept underground, without fresh air and sunlight. They slept on benches or on plastic chairs. They were not given the medications they need, or they were given unsufficient doses of them. At least one hostage was released in critical state because of this, 84 years old Elma Avraham. One of the doctors fighting to save her life said that had she been released even just one day later, it would have been impossible to save her. She could have been released on the first day of the deal. She was released on the third. For the most part, hostages were not allowed to shower, they were only given new clothes once, on the day of release, and they had no privacy when using the toilettes (again, think about what this meant for girls and women), when asking to use the toilettes, they were sometimes forced to wait for hours for that. At least one kid (12 years old Eitan Yahalomi) told his family he was forced to watch the horror movies Hamas filmed on Oct 7 under gun threat. I'm terrified for what this must have done to him psychologically. All of the kids are having trouble speaking normally, they were threatened with violence if they do anything more than whisper. The Thai captives who were released said they were abused as well, but that the Jewish hostages they were held with, were treated worse (one Thai man mentioned Hamas beat the Jewish captives with electric cables). All of the hostages were malnourished, some of the adult hostages lost up to 15 kilograms (roughly 33 pounds) over 7 weeks, which doctors said amounts to being starved.

(this is Elma Avraham when checked by the Red Cross during her release. I can't not mention that the Red Cross was supposed to give Israel a heads up if any hostage was in a life threatening condition, which Elma was, but the Red Cross didn't say anything, so it was only after a second check by Israel that Elma's critical condition was diagnosed, and she was rushed to the hospital by helicopter)

(speaking of the Thai nationals who were released by Hamas, they were also taken to an Israeli hospital to be treated there until they can go home. Something that really moved me is that the hospital bought a Buddha statue so that these people could pray, even before they're well enough to be discharged)

One Israeli hostage, Roni Crivoi, managed to take advantage of Israeli fire in Gaza, escape his Hamas captors, and he tried to make his way back. Unfortunately for him, he was captured by Gazan civilians, and handed over back to Hamas. Gazan civilians are also some of the people holding Israeli hostages. One kid hostage recounted that he was locked in the attic of an UNRWA teacher (just a reminder, this is a UN employee), who barely give him food, and didn't provide him with his medication. Another was held captive by a Gazan doctor, a man who provided medical care for Palestinian kids, but betrayed his hypocratic oath when it came to an Israeli kid. And it's been Gaza civilians showing up every night, screaming, banging on the jeeps in which the Israeli hostages were being driven to their release, or even throwing rocks at those vehicles. In fact, as hostages were not told they were being freed, many of them said the violence of the crowds made them think they were being taken to be lynched.

Hamas has been violating the hostage deal repeatedly. There's the rockets fired into Israel 15 minutes after the fighting was supposed to stop, there's the promised Red Cross visits to the hostages not freed, which have not yet happened, there's the separation of kids from their mothers (such as Hilla Rotem... Hamas claimed they couldn't release her mother with Hilla, because they didn't know where the mom is. Hilla indicated this was a lie, as she was held together with her mom up until a day before her release. Or another example is Maya Regev, who was freed without er brother Itay, even though he was 18 years old and they were supposed to be released together), there's the Hamas terrorists who fired and threw explosives at IDF soldiers while the fighting is supposed to be on break (starting on day 5 of the deal, we're now on day 7), there was an attempt to offer kidnapped bodies (Israel was able to confirm that three hostages, were actually killed on Oct 7, and Hamas is holding their bodies captive) instead of living people to be released today (which Hamas tried to claim they had to do since they had no more women and kids to release today... when Israel insisted that wasn't true, and if Hamas doesn't rectify the list, the fighting will resume this morning at 7, suddenly Hamas was able to add 3 more women to the list of released hostages for today)...

On a personal note, one of my two kidnapped colleagues was released yesterday, Liat Atzili, and she's been reunited with her kids, but her husband is still in captivity. We've heard through the released hostages that my other colleague is still alive. That's a bit of a relief, since we didn't even know if there was hope for that, given the fact that he had undergone a surgery not that long ago, and is till need of medical care. This is Liat:

This was a perfect reaction to an American projecting American social concepts onto Israel, where the whole history of the conflict is completely different:

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"Israelis get to be white"

Just a reminder that while Jews come in a variety of skin colors, as the above vid nicely points out, no Jew is a part of the social construct of "being white."

This is Liora Argamani, a Chinese woman, who fell in love with and married an Israeli man. Together they had one daughter, Noa. She was kidnapped to Gaza. Liora is dying from cancer. This is the message that she wanted to share:

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(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

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moeitsu · 5 months

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♡The Tie Which Linked My Soul To Thee♡

(Arthur Morgan x OC) Masterlist

Hey cowboys!

Below is where you'll find all the chapters to my Red Dead Redemption fanfic, I will keep it updated as I continue to post more chapters. But in the meantime, I wanted to make things a little more organized and easier for you to navigate.

Whether you just started reading, or if you've been keeping up with the story since the beginning. I want to thank you! This started as a little side project to keep me busy during my down time at work, but it's turned into something I'm really passionate and proud of! So thank you for all the support <3

!!Please be aware this fic is explicit. As it contains blood/violence, as well as other adult themes!!

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->-> Ao3

->-> Wattpad

Summary: Kate McCanon, a young widow from the north, meets outlaw Arthur Morgan. When the two cross paths she discovers a complex man wrestling with his own sense of right and wrong. As their unlikely bond deepens, Kate becomes determined to guide Arthur towards a brighter path, even as tensions rise within his gang led by the enigmatic Dutch van der Linde. With danger lurking at every turn, Kate must navigate treacherous territory to protect those she holds dear, all while finding love in the most unexpected of places.

Story Tags: Widowed, Original Character(s), High-Honor!Arthur Morgan, Arthur Morgan Does Not Have Tuberculosis, Arthur Morgan Deserves Happiness, Chubby!Arthur Morgan, Canon Divergence, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Eventual Smut, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Touch-Starved, Sexual Tension, Friends to Lovers, Child Loss, Infant Death, Trauma, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Torture, Blood and Violence, Survivor Guilt, Aftermath of Torture, Caretaking, Injury Recovery, Period-Typical Racism, Anxiety, Self-Hatred, Night Terrors, Emotional Constipation, Self-Doubt, Men Crying, Bathing/Washing, Sweet/Hot, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff

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Ch 1 - The Years Creep Slowly By Kate becomes entangled in a heist with two strangers, Hosea and Arthur, forging an unexpected bond amidst their criminal endeavor. Ch 2 - The Snow Is On The Grass Again A fisher of men and A strange encounter. Ch 3 - The Suns Low Down The Sky Welcome to Horseshoe Overlook Ch 4 - The Frost Gleams Where The Flowers Have Been It's time to collect a debt. Ch 5 - My Heart Beats On As Warmly Now A well deserved hunt with Charles, met with an unexpected surprise back at camp... Ch 6 - As When The Summer Days Were Nigh The battle begins, and the past is revealed. Ch 7 - The Sun Can Never Dip So Low Kate is not immune to the dangers of the land. No matter how much she loved it, the land will never love her back. Ch 8 - Or Down Affections Cloudless Sky A blissful sunny day after a long hard night. Ch 9 - A Hundred Months Have Passed Kate and Arthur share a tender moment in the quiet of the night. Ch 10 - Since Last I Held That Hand In Mine The Course of True Love and other Revelations Ch 11 - And Felt The Pulse Beat Fast Arthur and Hosea share meaningful conversation after a night of advertising some moonshine. Meanwhile Kate finds herself involved in a dubious mission with John and the boys. She patches up Arthur as the day ends with an air of unspoken desire. Ch 12 - Though Mine Beat Faster Far Than Thine - Part 1 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God in a world that is ugly with violence and hate. Ch 13 - Though Mine Beat Faster Far Than Thine - Part 2 Arthur’s life is ebbing out like the tide. Kate must work quickly and diligently to reverse the cruel hands of fate. She is aided by the help of an unexpected ally. Ch 14 - A Hundred Months ‘Twas Flowery May As Kate navigates Arthur’s recovery, she discovers that true strength lies within her trusted companions, finding relief in their unwavering support during the trials of his healing journey. Ch 15 - When Up The Hilly Slope We Climbed Arthur struggles to adjust to his new disabilities. Meanwhile Kate finds a job outside of camp for them, providing a few days respite and some much needed alone time. Arthur finally reveals his feelings. Ch 16 - The Past Is The Eternal Past Kate and Arthur welcome a new life into the world. The scene brings back tender memories of Arthur's past, he finally finds the courage to open up to her about his family. Ch 17 - To Watch The Dying of The Day Say, isn't it strange? I am still me, and you are still you. In this place. Isn't it strange how people can change? From strangers to friends, friends into lovers. To strangers again. Ch 18 - To Hear the Distant Church Bells Chime The gang finds a new hideout at Shady Belle, just outside the heart of the new modern America. With Jack still missing, Kate and Arthur must work together to find him. Amidst the tension, Arthur confides in Kate about his deepest regrets.

━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━ If you're interested in reading about my OC, I linked the Kate McCanon Lore here :) As well as her Face and Voice Claim here <3 About me!

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01-05-2001 · 5 months

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here’s my ultimate caldre headcanon list… to be updated

CAL

1. junkorexic, likely ARFID

2. cannot cook at all

3. extreme interest in buddhism

4. realised his bisexuality pretty early but never told anyone, died in the closet.

5. avid gore site browser

6. parentified by his family, often blamed for things out of his control/unreasonable expectations to place on a child. but also total helicopter parents.

7. insomniac, has awful episodes. crashes in andre’s room or car a lot.

8. dyscalculia, maybe dyspraxia

9. loves niche sci fi

10. mild cat allergy

11. perceived as ditsy/an airhead, never taken very seriously by any of his friends (aside from andre)

12. killed animals as a kid or dissected roadkill

13. messiest room in history

14. always chewing gum

15. most chaotic driver ever, failed his test

16. boat and plane autism

17. bad reality TV addict

18. multiple suicide attempts, probably from a young age

19. likes swords more than guns. samurai fuckass

ANDRE

1. on accutane, skin is always dry as hell

2. smashing pumpkins listener

3. season allergies

4. easily possessive/jealous

5. had a few crushes/casual relationships but never anything serious before he died. first kiss at most.

6. bacne

7. takes gym class way too seriously. why are we yelling it’s dodgeball

8. cat person but will never admit it. LOVES mel totally dotes on her in private. she’s always sleeping on his chest or on his lap. after zero day she sleeps on his bed constantly, or paws at his locked bedroom door waiting to be let in.

9. got lice one time in junior year and got his head shaved and it was the most embarrassing thing ever

10. inferior younger brother syndrome

11. bulimic tendencies, especially overexcercise.

12. compulsively cleans his room

13. depression manifests as anger. punches walls and stuff. rarely cries, only ever in private

14. obsessed with military regalia

15. star wars nerd!!!!!!

16. read catcher in the rye and kinned holden caulfield way too hard

17. chubby kid, lost weight in his teen years but definitely has intense body dysmorphia about it.

18. dad makes attempts to reach out in last few months — but zero day is already in motion. it’s futile

19. the gun knockback broke andre’s nose during the shooting

20. dyslexia

21. is like genuinely actually gay but refuses to acknowledge it. he’s convinced every guy just feels like that

22. snores so loudly

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elminx · 3 months

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Energy Update: July 2024

July is a “6” Universal Month [7 (July) + 8 (2024) = 15 = 1 + 5 = 6] in an “8” Universal Year. Six months are connective and somewhat comforting; we tend to reconnect with our Others after the rough conflicts of the “5” month that came before. This is somewhat at odds with the month’s transits, which are pushing us forward and outward. We are in the liminal phase where something has ended, but the new beginning hasn’t happened yet; not really.

The Set Up

We begin the month with the Sun, Mercury, and Venus in Cancer, Mars and Uranus in Taurus, Jupiter in Gemini, retrograde Saturn and Neptune in Pisces, and retrograde Pluto in Aquarius. When you include our North Node and Chiron sitting in Aries, we still have a long line of planetary activation stretching from the last signs of the horoscope (Aquarius and Pisces) through the first signs of the horoscope (Aries through Cancer). After this month, the cluster will break, but for now, we are still stuck in this in-between energy.

By the end of July, the Sun and Venus will have moved on into Leo, Mercury will have moved all the way through Leo and onto Virgo (starting the pre-shadow phase of its next retrograde cycle), and Mars will enter Gemini. Additionally, Neptune will retrograde at 29° Pisces.

The Nitty Gritty

There is a notable lack of major planetary aspecting during July because all of our personal planets are still so closely stacked together. Instead, we see repeat activation between these planets and the lunar nodes in Aries. Cancer is the midway point between our North Node in Aries and our South Node in Libra, and we are at a turning point late in this lunar cycle. We have one last set of eclipse to get through before our nodes switch to Pisces-Virgo with the new year, and it’s starting to show. This is crunch time – whatever has been coming up in our lives around the themes of independence (Aries) versus codependence (Libra) is coming to a head.

We are experiencing these nodal hits thrice over: the first time through a sextile while the planets are in Gemini, a second time in square while they are in Cancer, and a third time in trine while they transit Leo. Things will be easier and then more difficult and easier again. But easy, when it comes to the lunar nodes, is really just a matter of perspective. The lunar nodes can be read as a compass pointing in the sky, away from the South Node’s current position and towards the North Node’s current position. Where the North Node is needs work – it is where we are heading.

Whether that’s a good or bad thing is up for debate. The lunar nodes happen to us—they create the eclipse cycles that enact the greatest moments of change in our lives. Like the influence of the outer planets, eclipse cycles are beyond our comprehension; at best, we can control how we react to them.

In essence, the days of nodal activation throughout the month (of which there are many) are days to watch out for. Let’s take a neutral stance here—eclipses help when we need doors opened but can also slam doors shut that we shouldn’t walk through. If you are on top of things and paying attention, you can use days like this to determine where your life is headed. Eyes wide open is the name of the game all month long.

Lunar Nodal Activation Dates:

7/2 – Sun in Cancer square the lunar nodes, 7/9 – Mercury in Leo trine the North Node in Aries/sextile the South Node in Libra, 7/12 – Jupiter in Gemini sextile the North Node in Aries/trine the South Node in Libra, 7/19 – Venus in Leo trine the North Node in Aries/sextile the South Node in Libra

Each of these dates will be highly liminal (7/2, especially as it is also the date that Neptune stations retrograde) and can be used for divination, pathworking, dreaming, and other magics with which this type of energy is naturally augmented. Stare aware of what happens to you during this time and believe it. Sometimes, difficult truths are revealed through lunar node activation; looking them straight in the eye is better than burying your head in the sand.

Likewise, Chiron – our Wounded Healer – is also in Aries and will be our other major player of the month. To gain a better perspective, we should take a wider step away and discuss how these move around the horoscope wheel. Chiron, like our planetary bodies, moves forward through the horoscope wheel while our North Node, as a mathematical point in the sky, moves backward through the signs. These two have already met and passed each other – Chiron is nearing the end of the Aries, and The North Node is nearing the beginning. This has made Aries (and, by default, the other cardinal signs) the seat of change in the world right now. And since it’s Aries, it is quite the hot seat.

I’ve written a lot about how this whole era we’re in has a major theme of “change before you have to,” which is running afoul of our very human urge to do the exact opposite of our best interests.

There’s a line between standing up for ourselves, allowing each other to BE ourselves, and being a collective that sees each other and cares for the whole that we’re just not getting right. This long-term opposition between the North Node and Chiron in Aries and the South Node in Libra fully represents this in the skies. Whatever this story means to you – whether you’ve been seeing it in the news, experiencing it personally in your life, or ignoring it all together; this chapter of it is ending.

And it fucking hurts. Let’s take a minute to stop and acknowledge the very real pain that most of us (I suspect it’s all of us) are feeling. The aloneness of the quarantine – that was Chiron in Aries. The way that it’s been triggering you every time you realize that your parents don’t actually see you as a separate human being – that’s this whole opposition coming into play. Has your friend group completely fallen apart? South Node in Libra. Has your relationship? Same. We can infer that, in general, what the South Node removes is for the greater good, but with Chiron so involved, it does not feel this way.

If every fiber of your being hurts, you are right on time. And I’m sorry. As somebody who has Chiron on my Ascendant, I can attest to how much it sucks to have to feel all of the pain that Chiron brings to the party.

We’ve got about six more months of this intense Chiron action interconnected with the lunar nodes, and then the nodes will move on. Sure, we all need to sit with this Chiron in Aries energy for another couple of years, but it won’t be involved in our eclipse cycles any longer. That will be a huge relief.

I can also say that, like eclipse/Node energy, Chiron is best faced with your eyes wide open. Chiron is the cosmic reminder that shit is compost and all decaying matter feeds life once more. Fields need to lie fallow. Pain is a signal that can be followed to a source. Sometimes, it’s faulty wiring. Sometimes, you can even replace that wiring. This tends to take a lot of self-compassion, and there doesn’t seem to be much going around – do what you can. Treat yourself like your favorite pet or houseplant.

Chiron days to stay aware of:

7/6 – Venus in Cancer square Chiron in Aries, 7/15 – Sun in Cancer square Chiron in Aries, 7/18 Mercury in Leo trine Chiron, 7/30 – Venus in Leo trine Chiron

All of these dates could be used for healing magic of all kinds.

This month, our big day to look out for is 7/15, when Mars conjuncts Uranus at 26° Taurus. This is an accident waiting to happen, so don’t do anything stupid. Avoid unnecessary travel, don’t play with fireworks, etc. The Sun is square to Chiron all day, too, so it has the potential to really hurt. This isn’t a reason to panic – this is an astrological weather report; whereas some days you might need to bring an umbrella, this is the kind of day where you might want to stay inside. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Our day to look forward to for the month is our full moon on 7/21, which is a true astrological blue moon – meaning it’s the second moon in a row in the sign of Capricorn. This is highly auspicious and doubly so because we also have two new moons in Capricorn this year (one in January and another in December!). Sitting at 29° Capricorn, it will call in a lot of the energy of Pluto, who is sitting at 00° Aquarius, inching its way back toward Capricorn one last time.

Again, note the intense cardinal sign activation that is happening all month. This full moon will also tie in Chiron in Aries through a wider square. Heads up to anybody with their lights or personal planets in late Aries, Cancer, Libra, or Capricorn – now can be your time if you can get through the pain enough to see the change. Y’all are stubborn folks, so I have faith in your capabilities.

This moon, along with the full moon on 6/21 at 01° Capricorn, are great days to do any long-form intentional work towards money, finances, career, or any task that involves structure. Work with the moon’s cycles here: where do you want to be in six months when the moon is new in Capricorn once more? But stay aware that Saturn will crash your party whether you invite them or not, so you might as well extend an official invitation.

The numerology of this full moon is 5/2. [0 (Capricorn Moon) + 4 (Cancer Sun) = 14 = 1+4 = 5. 5 (Capricorn full moon) + 6 (July 2024) = 11 = 1+1 =2.] There’s a chance to break a cycle (5) that can become the start of something new (2).

Our new moon on 7/5 is at 14° Cancer and should be more low-key. The moon is in its home in the sign of the crab, making this day especially lunar and watery. If ever there was a day to wash wash wash it all away – either with a mop or the ocean waves, it is a Cancer Moon. The numerology of the day is 8/5 [4 (Cancer Moon) + 4 (Cancer Sun) = 8. 8 (Cancer New moon) + 6 (July 2024) = 14 = 1+4 = 5.] The innate 8 energy echoes that of the moving tides; it ebbs and flows. We see the echo of the 5 energy of change and movement throughout this month.

Otherwise, the seasons shift as we move deeper into summer energy all month. There’s an echo of egoic Leo energy in the air all month long as all three of our more moveable personal planets move through the sign of the lion. It’s summer when, most of all, we really start to feel ourselves. Remember, this isn’t a bad thing. Do a bit of magic to remind yourself how much of a badass you are. As a little treat.

Neptune will retrograde, but we won’t really notice as it’s so slow-moving anyway. We need to keep an eye on Mercury, though, as it is whipping through the summer signs before its mid-summer retrograde. The crossover from Fixed to Mutable signs is highlighted here as Mercury will retrograde from 04° Virgo to 21° Leo starting in early August. Be aware. I will be writing more about this soon.

Months that begin with the sign of the crab on the horizon are usually emotional and moody, and this is no exception. Remember that it’s okay to tread water when things get too deep, and you can let the rip current take you – eventually, it will let you go, and you can swim to shore. It’s when you fight it that things can go really wrong, really quickly.

Practice your very best self-care. Treat yourself with the same kindness that you would your most loved Other. If you’ve got anything left after that, extend it to as many of your Others as you can.

The Details

7/2 – Sun in Cancer square the lunar nodes in Aries/Libra, Mercury in Cancer trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces, Mercury enters Leo, Venus in Cancer trine retrograde Saturn in Pisces, Neptune retrogrades 29° Pisces 7/3 – Mercury in Leo opposed retrograde Pluto in Capricorn 7/5 – New moon 14° Cancer, Mars in Taurus sextile retrograde Saturn in Pisces 7/6 – Venus in Cancer square Chiron in Aries 7/8 – Mercury in Leo sextile Jupiter in Gemini, Venus in Cancer sextile Uranus in Taurus 7/9 – Mercury in Leo trine North Node in Aries/sextile South Node in Libra 7/10 – Sun in Cancer trine retrograde Saturn in Pisces 7/11 – Venus in Cancer trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces, Venus enters Leo 7/12 – Venus in Leo opposed retrograde Pluto in Aquarius, Jupiter in Gemini sextile North Node in Aries/trine South Node in Aquarius 7/15 – Mars conjunct Uranus 26° Taurus, Sun in Cancer square Chiron in Aries 7/16 – Mercury enters their pre-retrograde shadow 21° Leo 7/18 – Mercury in Leo trine Chiron in Aries, Sun in Cancer sextile Uranus in Taurus 7/19 – Venus in Leo trine North Node in Aries, sextile South Node in Libra 7/20 – Mars in Taurus sextile retrograde Neptune in Pisces, Mars enters Gemini 7/21 – Full moon 29° Capricorn, Sun in Cancer trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces, Mercury in Leo square Uranus in Taurus, Venus in Leo sextile Jupiter in Gemini, Mars in Gemini trine retrograde Pluto in Aquarius 7/22 – Sun enters Leo 7/25 – Sun in Leo sextile Mars in Gemini, Mercury enters Virgo 7/30 – Venus in Leo trine Chiron in Aries

Do you like my work? You can support me over on Kofi by tipping me, signing up to be a monthly supporter, or commissioning me to write an astrology report for you. (I also have art for sale if that's more your speed)

#astrology #transits #energy update #July 2024

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4littlefishies · 5 months

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The 36th Floor

Office worker Satoru Gojo finds himself stuck with the task of training his brand new coworker, but he doesn't know what to expect when he sees who he's supposed to be training. He can't fall in love with the man that sits in the cubicle across from him, right?

satoru gojo x suguru geto office au

warnings: nothing for this chapter, smut in later chapters!

wc: 6.6k

note: Hi all! Thought I'd start posting this on here as well. I always upload first on ao3, so if you wan't to keep updated, I'll put a link at the bottom! :) This is a non-curse non-jujutsu au because I enjoy writing fluff and happiness and crack and all the good stuff. <3

Monday Morning

Satoru Gojo opens his eyes as the sound of his alarm blares through his previously silent bedroom. His hands come up to rub the sleep out of his eyes as he sits up in his bed before grabbing at his phone to make the annoying sound of his alarm stop. He takes a couple deep breaths and sits with his eyes closed for a moment before he finally pushes the comforter to the side and shifts his legs off of the side of the bed.

Standing up from the warmth of his bed, Satoru shivers as the cold air hits his skin. He makes his way to the bathroom to start the routine that he does every morning before work: Shower, brush his teeth, skincare, hair; in that order, five days a week, 12 months a year. He loved how the structure of his morning before work and getting to listen to music as he calmly got ready made his whole day feel better.

Afterwards, he would make his bed and head out to the kitchen to eat a quick breakfast, which typically consisted of a sugary cereal or some kind of fruit for on the go if he was in a hurry to leave - which unfortunately happened more often than not. Thankfully, today was one of the days where he had time to sit down at the counter and eat a proper breakfast.

Humming along with the music playing through his phone, he makes his way back into his room and steps into his closet. He pulls out a navy blue suit jacket and pants, along with a white button-up shirt for underneath and a tie to pull it all together. Satoru gets dressed and with his jacket folded over the side of his now neatly-made bed, he picks out a pair of brown oxfords and finally puts on his watch.

The mirror by his bedroom door is the final step in his routine as he checks his reflection one last time before heading towards the front door. The blue of his eyes almost glow back at him as he looks over himself in the mirror, making sure his bright white hair looks decent before flicking off the lights and pulling on his jacket. He picks up his bag from the table next to the front door and grabs his keys out of the bowl, shoving them into his pocket.

“See you when I get home, Shiro.” He whispers to the white cat, looking up at him with wide eyes from the couch. The cat makes a quiet noise that makes Satoru smile as he closes the front door behind him and checks that it’s locked before turning and walking down the hallway towards the elevator.

Today was just another day for Satoru, a typical Monday morning. He would walk to the station not too far from his house and wait for the train along with everyone else also going to their 9-5 jobs in the city. He found joy in the time he got to listen to music on his commute and enjoyed seeing the same people he would see every morning. The man seated across the aisle from him would get off the stop before Satoru, every single morning. The woman a couple rows in front of him would get off the stop after he got on.

Satoru liked to ponder and imagine what these strangers on the train were doing with their days. The scenarios in his head were probably much more exciting that what was actually going on in these people’s lives, but he would rather imagine that the stranger in the same black trench coat every day is actually a member of the Yakuza and not just an accountant or a lawyer or something normal.

Before he knows it, the train is coming up to his stop. He stands up, stabilizing himself with one of the many hand holds as the train finally slows to a stop. The doors open and he steps off, walking in time with his music, his hands in his pockets as he walks out into the crisp morning air. The walk to his office is a short one, but he stops at the coffee shop in the lobby of the building as he does every morning.

“Good morning, Miwa!” He says in a singsong voice as he steps up to the counter. The young woman smiles and grabs a disgustingly sweet drink set to the side of the register that was just made for him. He picks it up and hands her twice as much cash as it actually costs before turning and swiftly walking towards the elevator. “You’re the best, Miwa!” He calls out over his shoulder as he rushes towards the closing elevator doors.

“Have a good day Gojo!” She calls out after him in response. He waves with a smile as he steps into the elevator. Just another part of his routine that makes his day even better. He takes a small sip of his still-too-hot coffee in the half full elevator and presses the button for floor 36. He readjusts his bag on his shoulder and pulls out his key card as the elevator makes stops at a few floors before he reaches his own.

“Have a good day guys.” Satoru says as the elevator opens to his floor, resulting in a few quiet thank you’s and you too’s. Someone else steps off of the elevator at the same time as him and Satoru turns to notice that it’s his coworker, Shoko Ieiri. A surprised look crosses his face as he looks at her. “What the hell? I didn’t even notice you in there!” He says with a cheeky smile on his face as they walk down the hallway towards the glass door of their office. He holds his key card up to the side of the door before the lock clicks and he pulls the large glass door open, allowing Shoko inside first.

“Just say you don’t care about me, idiot.” She says, rolling her eyes with a smile, walking inside as Satoru holds the door open for her. The two of them head straight for the break room, Shoko puts her lunch box in the fridge, and Satoru grabs a strawberry-mango yogurt, along with a spoon.

“Maybe you need to be more noticeable.” Satoru teases back at her. Shoko closes the fridge and glares up at him. The two of them have been friends since high school, which resulted in their sibling-like relationship that consisted of endless teasing and fake bullying.

“I got you hired here, I bet I could get you fired too, you know that right?” She says as they both turn to walk out of the break room to head to their cubicles, which luckily - or unluckily - were right next to each other. Satoru leans on the edge of Shoko’s cubicle as she sets her things down and tries to get adjusted.

“No way, Shoko. Nanami loves me.” He says, talking about their boss. She raises an eyebrow at him as he backs up into his cubicle across the aisle and sets his bag down on his desk. He puts his hands up, as if to say “I can’t help it” and sits down in his chair with a smile and turns to turn on his computer.

The office is quiet with the chatter of everyone arriving for the morning along with the sounds of keyboards typing and mice clicking. Gojo starts with the normal morning things like checking his emails and then his planner to see what he has planned out for the day. “Shit.” He whispers, but still loud enough for Shoko to hear.

“What’s your problem?” Shoko asks, not even turning her head away from her monitor to look at him.

“They’re having me train someone new.” He says, sounding slightly annoyed. “I have so much to do already and they want me to train someone new?” He rubs his forehead and closes his eyes, thinking about how much more this is going to set him back.

“If you need help with anything, just let me know.” She responds, trying to be helpful, all the while knowing that she would have no idea how to even do most of the things that Satoru does on a daily basis.

“I just need to get as much done in this hour that I have before he gets here.” Satoru says, mostly to himself, but loud enough that Shoko hears.

“I have a meeting at 10, but I’ll be back after lunch if you need anything.” She adds, trying to be helpful and make him feel better about the day ahead.

“Thank you, Shoko, I appreciate it.” He says, starting to work on a presentation for when some of the higher ups from corporate were coming later in the month. He pops one headphone in, trying to get focused into his work to get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time.

Slowly but surely, Satoru’s coffee disappears and the strawberry-mango yogurt cup he had grabbed from the fridge is empty and long gone. His fingers type away quickly at his quiet keyboard as he fills the slides with information that he needs to get across to the corporate visitors. Sales had been great this year, and it was his responsibility to explain to the higher ups what their branch is doing right and things that they think could help other branches to do better.

An hour passes much more quickly than Satoru would have liked, but Shoko is gone to her meeting in one of the conference rooms and suddenly Satoru’s phone rings. He rarely used it to talk to anyone outside of the office, so he was not surprised to see the name Utahime Iori on the screen. He smiles and grabs it before answering sweetly.

“Why good morning Utahime.” He says nicely.

“Gojo, I just finished up paperwork with the new hire, so I’m just giving you a heads up that he’s on his way, okay?” She responds, trying to avoid conversation as much as possible.

“Not even a good morning back?” Satoru responds, sounding hurt, all the while he has a smile on his face.

“Good morning.” She says, shortly. “He’s on his way, his name’s Suguru Geto. Bye.” She hangs up and the line goes blank.

“Hello? Utahime??” Satoru questions at the obviously ended phone call. He chuckles and hangs the phone back up. He hears a quiet set of footsteps walking on the other side of the wall to his back. He turns around and stands up just in time to see the long black haired man come around the corner. He’s wearing a black suit with a red patterned tie and wears his hair half up and half down. Satoru makes eye contact with him and he feels immediately nervous, as well as something he swears he’s never felt before.

“Um. hello, are you-” He starts, but Satoru stands there almost unable to move. Immediately, he feels like he knows this man from somewhere. He seemed so familiar to Satoru - his voice, his face, his eyes, even though he knew that he didn’t know this man. “-Gojo?” He finally finishes, quietly, unsure if he remembered his name correctly. The way he says his name sounds like velvet. He wants to hear him say his name over and over again.

“Yeah! Yeah, Satoru Gojo. But you can call me Satoru, if you want.” He says, breaking out of his thoughts, He sticks out his hand to shake it. Their hands meet in the middle and they both grip the other’s hand firmly. Both of their hands are warm, but Satoru feels like his hands are on fire. He smiles at the man in front of him, and he nods back, seemingly trying to put his name to memory. “What was your name again? Utahime told me but-” He trails off, waiting for the man to tell him his name.

“Suguru Geto.” He says, a soft smile painted on his face.

“Nice to meet you, Suguru.” Satoru says, bravely using his first name. His palms start to feel sweaty as he steps back into his cubicle. He is silently kicking himself as Suguru stands there quietly. “So, you can grab Shoko’s chair from over there, if you want and bring it on over here and we’ll get started. Oh, and you can set your stuff in the cubicle in front of hers, that one is going to be yours.” He says, pointing at the cubicle diagonal from his.

Suguru quickly sets his stuff down and decides to grab his chair instead of Shoko’s and wheels over to Satoru’s desk. “Good call, she might have killed me if she knew I told you to take her chair.” He smiles to himself towards his monitor as Suguru sits behind him, his jacket left behind in his cubicle, showing off his broad chest and shoulders in his grey button up.

“Yeah, definitely. That’s where Shoko sits?” Suguru asks, curiously.

“Yeah, um, do you know her?” Satoru asks, slightly confused as to why it sounds like Suguru knows who he’s talking about. He takes a silent deep breath, feeling his heart rate increase at seeing him without the jacket. Jesus Satoru, calm down he thinks to himself, waiting for Suguru to answer his question.

“Um yeah, she’s actually the one that got me this job.” He responds softly.

“No way! I went to school with her, she got me this job too.” Satoru responds, sounding way too excited.

Suguru chuckles softly at Satoru’s excitement and of course Satoru notices. He doesn’t know why, but he wants to make him do it again. The sound was like music to his ears. He takes a quick deep breath and quickly changes the subject. “So! Should we get started?” He doesn’t know what’s come over him. Normally he’s an incredibly extroverted person and would have no problem talking to new people, but he doesn’t want to say something wrong this time, and he doesn’t know why but he’s nervous.

He tries to calm down and opens up the website on his computer that the company uses for training new employees. This is something he’s done enough that he doesn’t really have to think about it, which is good because he can’t stop thinking about where he could maybe, possibly know this man from. It’s driving him insane, the immediate connection he somehow feels to this person that he’s never met before. He feels the tops of his ears get hot.

“Alright so, you get in here and I’ll sit behind you so you can see the monitor and work on the computer when you need to, and I can sit back here and mostly watch and answer questions if you need me to.” Satoru says, standing up and moving his chair to switch places with Suguru so that he can see the monitor better. Their arms brush up against each other in the tight cubicle space as they switch spots and Satoru feels like he’s going to lose his mind at the feeling.

He starts going through boring training videos and and every day procedures with him, trying to focus on training him for work, rather than just talking to him like normal. All he wants to do is learn about who this beautiful man is. Why would Shoko never tell me about him? Satoru thinks to himself as Suguru watches another video. Satoru sits behind him, organizing his drawer of pens to occupy himself until the video that he’s seen countless times comes to an end.

“So, is it all kinda making sense?” Satoru asks, closing the drawer and looking over at Suguru as he clicks to the next page.

“Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think I’ll just need to do it a couple times and I’ll be good.” He shoots back, confidently.

“Oh yeah, absolutely. You’re a natural.” Satoru says, earning a smile from Suguru, causing him to smile as well. “Okay, you can start the next video, but I’m gonna be right back, okay?” He stands up, putting both of his thumbs up as he creeps out of the cubicle.

“I’ll be here.” Suguru says, putting one hand up as Gojo walks around the corner of his cubicle and out into the hallway that leads towards the bathroom.

He quickly walks into the dark bathroom and the motion activated lights click on. He looks at himself in the mirror and takes a deep breath. “What the hell is your problem?” He whispers to himself in the mirror. He’s never felt this way about anyone except for this complete stranger. He wants to get to know him. He wants to get closer with him. He turns on the water and runs his hand under the cold water before holding it to his forehead and cheeks, trying to calm down. He takes another deep breath and runs his hand through his hair, fixing it, even though it didn’t need fixing.

“Calm down stupid, you’ve known the man for an hour and a half. Keep it together.” He says quietly in the mirror to himself once again before leaving the bathroom and heading back to his cubicle to continue training Suguru. He rounds the corner and Suguru perks up once he sees that Satoru is back.

“Oh good, you’re back! I got stuck on this page and I didn’t want to mess anything up, so I waited for you to get back.” Sugaru says, pointing at the screen. Satoru walks up behind him and grabs hold onto the mouse, clicking around to see what's going on, bent down next to Suguru. He hadn't been this close to him yet, even when they shook hands, he couldn’t smell his cologne. He can now smell the warm scent of cashmere but also pine coming off of him as he leans down next to him.

“Ugh I hate this thing. It signed us out, just a second.” Satoru says, before reaching in front of Suguru and pulling the keyboard to the side so that he could sign back in and they could keep working. Satoru sees Suguru sit back as he watches him get back to the place where they left off. Once he’s back, he slides the keyboard back in front of Suguru and pushes the mouse back to him. “There we go.” He says, slowly sitting back into his chair.

“Thanks.” Suguru says softly before getting back to the training.

The next hour and a half goes by without incident and thankfully without too much awkwardness between the two of them. Satoru is thankful for lunch so that he can get a break. He thinks about inviting Suguru to join him for lunch, but decides against it. He needs an hour to himself to think about why he’s feeling the way that he is, and what he thinks he’s going to do about it, if anything.

“So, we get an hour for lunch, you can stay here, go somewhere, whatever.” Satoru says, explaining to Suguru as they close out the training.

“Okay, thanks!” Suguru says, standing up and rolling his chair back to his cubicle. Satoru looks over as he puts his jacket on and walks out into the hallway. Gojo takes a deep breath and leans back in his chair, stretching his arms before standing up. He grabs his jacket and pulls it on before grabbing his phone and wallet and heading towards the front door. He pops his headphones in as he steps into the empty elevator and heads down to the lobby.

He clicks play on the last song that was playing as the doors open to the busy lobby. Satoru heads straight for the main doors and out onto the street, where he puts on his sunglasses as he steps outside. He takes a right and heads towards his favorite cafe to go for lunch during his work week. The walk is only a couple of blocks, but the air is cold and it turns Satoru’s cheeks and nose a rosy pink with the chill of the wind. I should have invited him. Satoru thinks, shoving his hands into his pockets and picking up the pace in his walk to the cafe. He probably thinks I don’t like him. Why was I acting like such a weirdo? The thoughts cloud his mind the entire duration of his walk.

He reaches out to pull the handle and the normal sound of the bell on the door makes its presence known as Satoru steps into the small cafe, gaining the attention of the young pink haired teenager behind the counter. “Hey Gojo!” He calls out as Satoru approaches the counter. “You want your usual?” He asks, already typing his normal order into the cash register.

“Yes please!” He replies, “and can I also get one of these? Actually- two of those. If I don’t get one for Shoko, she’ll kill me.” He replies, pointing to the delicious looking cupcakes in the display case.

“Alrighty then!.” The pink haired boy says, sliding open the case.

“Just you today, Yuji?” Gojo asks, pulling out his wallet while the total pops up on the screen in front of him on the counter.

“Yeah,” Yuji says with a sigh. “Megumi is off today, so just me!” He says, taking the cash that Satoru hands him. “No receipt, right?” Satoru shakes his head no, and Yuji crumples up the receipt and tosses it into the trash behind the counter. “Have a good rest of your day, Gojo!”

“You as well, Yuji.” He says in response as he grabs his food and heads to a table in the corner where he can sit down and relax for a bit before heading back to the office. He settles on his usual spot - the small table with two chairs in the back corner, and sits in the chair facing the front door so that he could once again people watch. He takes a bite of his sandwich before setting it back down and looking at his phone at a text from Utahime.

‘Geto is training for the rest of the day with Haibara once you’re back from lunch.’

Satoru reads this and feels relieved because now he can get his work done, but also disappointed that he wouldn’t get to be around Suguru for the rest of the day. He reacts to the message with a thumbs up and decides not to bother her anymore for once. He sets his phone down and looks up at the group of people that just came in from the street and he sees him.

Shit shit shit shit. Satoru thinks to himself. Should I go say something? No! He has a quick mental battle with himself. He doesn’t want to bother him outside of work, but he wants so desperately to get to know who Suguru Geto is. He watches from behind his sunglasses as Suguru approaches the counter and interacts with Yuji. Satoru notices his smile is soft as he orders and pays. He looks around and that’s when Satoru picks up his phone and starts looking at it again, trying to avoid possibly making eye contact with him.

Just from what Gojo can see in his periphery, Suguru seems to look around for a moment before he steps towards the front door and leaves the cafe, seemingly taking his food back to the office. Satoru breathes again as he realizes that he was holding his breath waiting to see what would happen. He wasn’t even sure what it was that he wanted to happen. If he would have noticed me, he would have said something, right? He thought to himself, sure that Suguru didn’t spot him over in the corner.

Satoru realizes that his hands are sweaty and wipes them on his pants, hurriedly. It’s fine He thinks again. He tries to finish his sandwich, but ends up getting sick of it after a few bites and wraps it up to take back to the office along with his cupcakes for him and Shoko. He gives Yuji a wave as he steps out onto the street to start his walk back to the office, an upbeat song once again playing in his ears.

He walks through the large front doors and heads towards the elevator, taking off his sunglasses and tucking them into his jacket pocket. He steps into the elevator and immediately notices Shoko this time and calls out her name.

“Oh, so you noticed me this time huh?” She teases as the doors close and they are the only two inside. He wants to ask her about Suguru, but he decides that it’s better that he doesn't - at least for now.

“How was your meeting?” He responds, choosing to ignore her statement. He takes her deep sigh as her answer. “That bad, huh?” He asks, the elevator starting to quickly climb.

“It was just a bunch of old creepy men and I just kept getting talked over the whole time.” She says, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms, obviously annoyed. Satoru shakes his head, knowing that she’s not exaggerating. He’s been in those meetings and they just don’t care to hear what she has to say. It’s extremely frustrating and he tries his best to help when he’s there.

“Well… It’s not that much, but I got you a little treat.” He says, handing the cupcake box to her as the elevator reaches the 36th floor and comes to a stop. Her eyes widen and her mouth falls open in a smile as she reaches out and grabs the small box.

The elevator doors open and they step out, walking down the hallway together. Satoru uses his key card and opens the door once again, following Shoko inside. Satoru heads straight back to his cubicle to see if Suguru is at his desk. To his disappointment, he isn’t. Satoru sits down at his desk and unlocks his computer to get working on his presentation for later in the month. He checks his email and sees that thankfully, the marketing department sent him all of their reports that he needed for his presentation. He hears Shoko sit back down into her chair as he’s working diligently.

“Where’s your trainee?” He hears Shoko say over the sound of the music in his ear. He takes out his headphone and turns his head.

“He’s with Yu for the rest of the day. Guess they want him to learn different positions.” He says, and it comes out more disappointed sounding than he meant it to. “I’m just happy they’re giving me time to focus on my own work. I’m more behind now, but I think I can catch up by the end of the day if I just focus.” He says, turning his head back to the monitor in front of him.

He doesn’t see Shoko raise her eyebrows at his change in attitude all of a sudden. She grabs a pen and a sticky note and writes “Do Not Disturb! Satoru Gojo hard at work! >:(” and rolls across the aisle, sticking it to the outside of his cubicle with a smile on her face that goes completely unnoticed by Satoru.

The final hours of the day slip by faster than Satoru would have liked, but he feels good with where he’s left off on his work. He leans back in his chair and stretches his arms out before glancing over at Suguru’s cubicle once more, only to see it still empty. Hmph. He lets out quietly, hoping that he would be able to say goodbye at least before heading home for the day. He looks over to see Shoko is long gone, her computer already off and monitor black. He smiles to himself as he stands up, grabbing his jacket off of the back of his chair and throwing it on before grabbing his bag from underneath his desk and slinging it over his shoulder. He grabs his empty coffee cup from the morning and finally tosses it into the garbage on his way out the door.

Satoru takes one last look around to see if he notices Suguru anywhere, but he’s nowhere to be seen. He’s probably gone home idiot. He thinks to himself, looking down at his watch. The day was technically over 15 minutes ago. He walks out the front door, saying goodbye to lingering coworkers on his way out. He makes sure to grab his sandwich from the fridge and shoves it into his bag, making sure to grab his cupcake as well.

For the last time of the day, he steps into the elevator, alone this time, and pops his headphones in, ready for the commute home. The elevator makes a couple stops to pick up people from other floors also on their way down, but the ride isn’t too long to the lobby. Satoru steps out of the elevator and makes his way towards the front doors. He begins his short walk back to the train station, once again walking to the beat of the music playing in his ears.

He sees the train is already at the station as he’s walking up, and he begins to take a bit longer strides as he tries not to miss the train, but eventually, just misses it.

“Shit.” He hisses as he looks around for an open bench to wait on. A woman and her son sit on the bench directly behind him, so he finds an empty one slightly further down the station and sits down. He decides to text Utahime, who is probably still at the office.

‘Hiii Utahime, Just wondering if I was going to be training him again tomorrow morning :)’

He clicks send and almost immediately the three bubbles pop up to indicate that she’s typing.

‘Yeah, he said that he liked training with you, which surprised me. Now leave me alone and go home.’

Satoru feels his face get red. He what? He thinks, a smile creeping onto his face. Don’t be crazy. With a stupidly excited grin, he rubs along his jaw, bringing his bottom lip in between hit teeth to try to bite back his smile. He can’t help but read the text over and over again to make sure that he understood correctly, and no matter how many times he reads it, it’s always the same message. He liked training with me? A voice comes over the speaker announcing that the train will soon be arriving in the station. Satoru stands up, straightening out his jacket while trying to suppress the goofy smile on his face.

He steps onto the train and picks a seat close to the door. His short train ride was of course filled with people watching and imagining what their days are like. Finally, his stop arrives and he steps back out into the cool air and begins his walk back to his apartment. He can’t stop smiling to himself on the way home, just excited to go back and see him the next day.

I have to invite him to lunch. He thinks to himself. They went to the same cafe, it was only polite to, right? Satoru opens the front door of his building and heads towards the elevator. He clicks the up arrow and waits for the ding and the doors slowly open. He steps inside the empty elevator and clicks the button for the 36th floor - same as the office, funnily enough. It makes it really easy to remember where you live and work when it’s the same number. He enjoyed being up so high, able to see all the beautiful lights of the city of Tokyo from his home.

Satoru grabs his keys out of his pocket as he approaches his door, and easily unlocks the door without any trouble. He steps inside and calls out. “Shiro, I’m home!” He hears a small meow followed by a thud and the patter of paws padding out to greet him. “There’s my girl! Are you hungry?” She responds with a meow as Satoru sets his bag down and kicks off his shoes before stepping towards the kitchen and pulling out a can of wet food for the cat. A constant stream of meows fill the room until Satoru finally sets down the food for her. “Yeah yeah! I’m getting there!” He calls out to her as she yowls up at him from his feet. He sets down the bowl in its normal spot and Shiro digs in. “You act like you’ve never eaten before.” He says as he picks up his bag and shoes and heads into his bedroom. He sets his shoes back in their spot and hangs his bag on the hook on the back of his door.

Satoru starts by taking off his jacket and hanging it up, followed by shedding the rest of his suit and clothing down to nothing but his underwear. He walks out of the closet, taking a quick look in the mirror with a smile on his way by to the bathroom. He turns on the shower and stands there while it heats up, thinking about his day, about how good this shower was going to feel, about Suguru. He takes a deep breath before shedding his final layer and stepping into the steamy shower. He lets the hot water run down over his hair and face before he rubs his face with his hands, still smiling over the day.

“You need to chill out.” He says out loud to himself in the shower. He runs his fingers through his hair and goes through the normal order of things in his after-work shower. He takes a deep breath and tries to relax his muscles as the hot water runs over his shoulders and down his back. The pressure of the water feeling good on his back, which is sore from sitting in his chair hunched over all day. He closes his eyes and lets the water run over his tired muscles for a minute before finally turning around and turning the water off. He shakes his hands through his hair, trying to get as much water out as possible.

Satoru grabs his towel from the hook on the wall and uses it to dry off before wrapping it low around his waist. He opens the bathroom door and makes his way over to his dresser to pull out some sweat pants and a black tshirt.

After putting on his moisturizer and getting redressed after his shower, Satoru makes his way back out into the kitchen. “What should I have for dinner, Shi?” He asks the fluffy cat, but mostly to himself as he opens the fridge to check what he has. After checking the pantry, he decides that he has the correct ingredients to make some lemon pepper salmon with rice, so he starts pulling out ingredients and in less than an hour later, he’s plating up and setting it on his dining room table. He takes a quick picture, satisfied with his work before he sits down and starts eating.

“This is delicious!” He says into the empty apartment to himself. He smiles to himself as he finishes up his dinner and decides to wind down by watching something in the living room. He turns the tv on and picks up his phone before queuing anything up and sees a text from Shoko.

‘You didn’t tell me that you were training Geto!!!’

He reads the text and his heart rate immediately picks up again. Is he talking about me to Shoko? Races through his mind and he begins typing a response.

‘You never asked ¯\_(ツ)_/¯’ He clicks send and immediately sees Shoko typing. He didn’t think to mention that he had in fact mentioned that he knew her. Not only that, but that she got him the job, similarly to how she had also gotten him the job.

‘Dude!!!’

Satoru is confused as to what she’s getting at.

‘???’ He sends back.

‘Why didn’t you tell me??’

‘Idk, didn’t really realize that I needed to.’

‘Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow!’ She finishes with.

“Weirdo.” Satoru says out loud to himself before setting his phone to the side and picking a random movie from his collection and pressing play, just to have something playing. He props his feet up on the coffee table and interlocks his fingers behind his head as he sits back, thinking about Suguru once again. He stares up at the ceiling, remembering how nice he smelled, how nice he looked. He feels a soft movement from the other side of the couch as Shiro makes her way over to plop herself down right on Satoru’s lap.

“What the hell am I gonna do, Shi?” He asks, still looking up at the ceiling before bringing down one of his hands to pet the cat, who was happily leaning into the pets that she was getting. He smiles down at the fluffy white cat in his lap and paints his attention back up to the tv where his movie continued to play. Satoru spends his Monday evening watching movies and eating the cupcake from his favorite cafe, all while being unable to stop thinking about Suguru Geto.

About three movies and enough sugar to send a child into a sugar rush, Satoru looks at this phone once again. Empty of notifications and the time reads 10:31. “Guess I should get ready for bed, huh baby?” He says as the cat follows him into his bedroom. He flicks off the lamps as he walks by, leaving his living room lit up by nothing but the moon and the lights of downtown Tokyo down below. He turns on the lamp on his nightstand before stepping into the bathroom for one last time to brush his teeth.

He walks out of the bathroom over to his windows. He sits down for a moment in the arm chair in the corner of his room and looks out the window. He enjoyed doing this before bed, just to relax a little bit. He liked to think about all the lives of everyone he could see from his window. Every person he can see has their own life that he will never know about. Satoru takes one last look at the busy street below and stands up and walks slowly over to his bed, yawning as he does so.

Pulling back the comforter, he climbs into his bed. Shiro jumps onto the bed and lays down close to his feet. Satoru throws the comforter over himself and grabs his phone from the nightstand, turning off the lamp as well. He opens up his text message with Utahime one more time just to smile and read that Suguru enjoyed being with him today. He thinks once more about how he also had mentioned him to Shoko. Satoru makes sure his alarms are set for the morning before turning on some brown noise to help him sleep.

Last, Satoru sets his phone on the night stand and can’t help but smile excitedly into his pillow. He was excited for the day ahead of him for tomorrow. Finally, something to look forward to outside of the monotony of a typically boring office job.

chapter 2

#satosugu #stsg #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #geto suguru #suguru geto #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #office au #4littlefishies #the 36th floor

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ebonysplendor · 18 days

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There's Something Wrong With Sunny Day Jack (Demo) Review🌤️

TL;DR: Sunny days, keeping the clouds awaaaaaay~! ... Okay, but like what if our cloud is the "sunny day", and it won't go away? Do we even want it to at this point...?

Game Link: https://snaccpop-studios.itch.io/sunny-day-jack

Game Link (classic): https://snaccpop-studios.itch.io/sdj-classic

Notable Features: Gender Neutral language, Self-Insert, Yandere LI, Voice Acting, Create a cup of froyo ... yo Spiciness: 5.5/5 -- Let me tell you! It's a whole scene going down in this thing, okay?! FULLY delivered. The literal only thing that would've made this any spicier is if you saw it. You kinda do, but it's just out of frame. LI Red Flags: 3/5 -- Manipulation, possessive, lowkey obsessive, implied violence and possession, but like, I'm pretty sure I can fix him, so whatever, ya know?

Wanna know more? Lmao naaah. Not if you aren't at least 18, and I mean that. There is a WHOLE spicy scene in here. This one's for the adulty adults. Anyways, if you don't care about my yapping and/or you're in the 18+ club, let's get into it!

Okay, okay, okay, I know, yeah, I know, but listen...I'm only getting around to making the review now.

Okay, okay, okay, wait, stop, listen. I know that this game is damn near two years old, but I didn't start getting into reading visual novels until last year, and I didn't start taking the plunge to make reviews until this year so... :P

ANYWAYS! I do have news that you may not know yet! When I was looking for exactly how old this game is, I stumbled upon a little news~

As of me typing this (which was on the 28 August at about 9:30pm, but who knows when I'll actually post this review lmao), the game was updated an hour ago. I'm talking this shit is fresh out of the box! So, naturally, I went scouring for a download button...but then it occurred to me that that message said that it was for the $12+ tier of their patreon supporters. Not gonna lie, the spicy scene in that damn game has got a girl tempted, okay? But the way my bills are set up...

Okay, anyways, getting back on track because I've started yappin'. I'm going to go ahead and jump into this thing because, let me tell you, if you're like me, and you're late to this game, you've gotta hear about it! Granted, the download to the version that I'm talking about isn't available anymore (at least for the public/non $12 patrons), but the classic version is! I don't know how different it is though ^^;

Admittedly, because this game is almost two years old and because there's not a download link available currently, I might spoil it just a little so that you're not left too much in the dark about the game, especially since, again, the download link isn't available. That being said, it may still be spoiler friendly because habit lol.

But you get it by this point. Let's stop talking and start summarizing. Let's get into it!

So boom.

Basically, we're being...haunted?, we guess?...by this very attractive, but frankly super cheesy, children's TV show host. How'd it happened? We aren't really sure. We just remembered that we got some weird tape and was like "Huh...okay", watched it, and boom, here he is. Speaking of "he" and "here he is", here he is!

Everyone, this is the bae, Sunny Day Jack, but he doesn't mind being called just "Jack", so refer to him as such.

Jack has kind've been rocking with us for a few months at this point, and admittedly, it was very poor but really great timing. The reason why that is the case is because we had experienced something pretty tragic, and we were having a really hard time getting over it, but honestly? Jack's child-like explanation of working through problems and explaining emotions actually came in clutch, because we were lowkey able to get this far because of him. That being said...our relationship with him is getting a little blurred -- more than a little.

Ya see, things kind've...escalated between us, and we honestly aren't sure if we're glad that we got called into work or if we're pissed about it. Like, the undertones have been there for a while, but it was only today that those undertones became more pronounced and obvious. I mean, the man had his tongue-- ANYWAYS!

So, we go into work where our asshole manager ditches us because apparently the things that he has to do is way more important than us having a day off from babysitting and picking up the slack of our lazy ass co-workers. The only upside to this is that the day is likely to be slow because of the rain and that we're alone, meaning that we can openly talk to Jack.

Oh, now that I think about it, I forgot something super crucial -- we can see and hear Jack. More specifically, we can touch him, feel him, smell him, fuck him, the works, but, for whatever reason, others can't do the same. I guess it's like...medium privileges or being a ghost's host perks or something? Anyways, I'm getting off track. Gonna stop it there before I start spouting some stupid shit.

We kind've flashback to what happened right before our boss called, and whoo boi, does that steamy feeling come back full force. It's weird, because it's like Jack can read our mind about how we felt so comfortable and so safe and so protected and, frankly, so curious about him and what all went down in that moment. Jack basically reassures us that the feelings that we have are okay, and what would be best described as "love". Oh...oh, haha, uh...

"Nah, dawg, it's not love."

"Well...do you love me?"

AYO? I beg your finest pardon, sir!? Like, he's just gonna come out the woodwork with that shit?!

Regardless, he's still reassuring us that, "It's okay if you see me as bae" and we're just "We're roommates, dude, and seeing someone as bae is way more complicated than you're making it sound!" He pretty much just laughs it off and is like "Well, either way, I'll be here. Always. I'm not going anywhere. Ever. I'll be anything and everything that you need". Oof, that is...a bold ass claim, and one that we're not so entirely sure we should trust...but damn does it feel good to hear those words and have some support...anyways.

Our work day continues, we run into this awkwardly cute guy (I'll explain more later), our whore of an ex-boyfriend called and ruined our fucking mood, Jack lays down some more heavy words of reassurance, and the day goes onto the next.

Unfortunately, we land ourselves back at work, but fortunately without the "un-", we are alone and can freely talk to Jack again. Like mentioned, the guy is a ghost, but he's so very real, just not to others, which can be super disorienting sometimes; this is one of those sometimes. Jack wanted us to make him a yogurt and...oof, his reaction was...

...less than thrilled. Disgusted, even. Horrified.

Now, this doesn't sound like a huge detail or issue, but he actually got a bit scary here because, what is this shit that he's spouting about us "not being that type of person anymore" and "being better than that, now"? Like, when I say that this man -- clown? ghost? -- had a full shift in personality, and it was just...fear in his eyes, desperation in his voice? Like, he looked and sounded absolutely haunted and terrified of something. Like, this was beyond the horror in a cup that we apparently made him experience; it only triggered it.

Thankfully, although awkward, he easily moves past this saying that the combination of flavors just threw him off, and a customer walks in to provide a diversion for an extra layer of safety.

Oh! It's that awkward but polite cutie from the other day!

When we see him, or rather when we hear the door, we say our awkward ass, lame ass greeting, and it's kind've an opener for him to start some super brief small talk. He eventually takes the plunge and shoots his shot. Now, personally, I think the guy is damned adorbs, but at the same time, it's just...it's too soon. That mixed with this whole thing we've got going on with Jack...

We're pretty conflicted on how to answer, un-- Wait, huh? What did...?

Did-- Wait, Jack wants us to tell him that we have a boyfriend? And what does he mean that "it doesn't even have to be a lie"? ... He said the thing again, too. That thing about being whatever he wants us to be.

This is so anxiety inducing, too, because it's like, first off, we weren't expecting to hear him talking to us, and second, we can't acknowledge him in any shape, way, or form. Jack is quite literally looming right behind us, whispering in our ear, and we cannot so much as look his way without the guy in front of us thinking that we've completely lost our shit. Even still, our feelings for Jack have been complicated lately. Should we even take that plunge? Something about doing that doesn't seem right, though...

...We tell the guy that we don't have a boyfriend. Before he gets his hopes up too much, though, we tell him that we aren't really looking for anything right now, either. The guy leaves. The store is quiet, and we're left with alone with Jack with that awkwardness from earlier back in the air at full force; he's the first one to speak.

He apologizes and starts asking if he's pushed anything onto us that we didn't want. Before we can really answer though, he apologizes again. He explains that he thought that he was speaking in terms of what we wanted, but he keeps going back and forth like he's trying to find the right words but also figure out where he misunderstood; better yet, and more accurately, he's trying to figure out why he misunderstood in the first place. The poor guy is honestly so pitiful at this point, and we try to stop him from rambling and reach out for him... but our hand falls right through him.

Obviously, we start panicking, and Jack explains to us that he doesn't want to do anything that we don't want him to do nor feel comfortable with, and if it's him that we don't feel comfortable with and it's him that we don't want...this is what happens.

Okay, now, we're past the point of panicking; we're on the verge of tears because had we known us saying "No, I don't have a boyfriend" meant that Jack would start questioning if we actually wanted him around and fading away, we would've never said it. True to his optimistic nature, Jack reassures us that he's not "fading away" or "disappearing", and we're just like "Dude, piss off with that. Now, is not the time" because it's like, bro, this isn't a joke or us not wanting to get up for work; this is serious.

Jack chills with the reassurance and explains that he understands that we're serious, but that this isn't an issue that he can fix himself. Jack basically said that our words -- better yet our acceptance or denial of him -- are very weighted and that the only way to fix what's going on right then and there is to reaffirm that we accept him being there and truly meaning it, and that's only because he doesn't want to do anything that we don't want or need from him.

Even still, do we really trust him fully enough to do this? He's not the kind of guy to hurt us, is he? I mean, it's Sunny Day Jack. Then again, we also thought the same about---

"Hey."

"Yeah, Jack?"

"I know it's scary, I honestly do, but you can trust me. All I want is to be with you, protect you, and make you happy; that's what I'm here for."

All of that sounds so nice, too nice, but...

Can we trust him so easily...?

We really shouldn't...

But that horrible, heartbreaking moment...

That pain that Jack somehow made bearable, took away even...

That companionship he gave us in the place of loneliness...

His comfort...

His gaze...

What's wrong with feeling good? Why doubt him, and why feel like this unique and irreplicable connection is a bad thing? It's like Jack said: these feelings are okay; it's normal. There's nothing wrong with this.

...Right?

Y'all. You all. Guys. Gays. Theys. People. Friends. MY friends. SQUAD. (all right, enough...)

Hot and bothered, bothered and hot. Like, please allow me like 3 - 5 sentences of degeneracy. Between Jack and Ren (iykyk) ... Ren still laid down the pipe better but Jack?? Jack was a damned close second. Like, did you see the way that man was looking in our eyes and holding us? Then he's so big and masculine looking and ahhhhh~! That is BAE right there!

Anyways, getting back on track, when I had to go back and get those screenshots, what should've taken me like 5 - 10 minutes took me like 30+ minutes because I had to relive these moments. I had to relive this story! Like I mentioned earlier, the game is damn near two years old, but it reads like new, you feel me? The story, the implications, the art style, the scenes, the drama -- ahhh! I LIVE. I ASCEND. Like, when these developers hit the mark, they hit the damned mark with such precision!

I'm pretty sure that it's been mentioned at this point, but do you know what I loved the most about this visual novel (degeneracy aside, of course lol)? The subtle but oddly specific ass details that you're sure to miss or gloss over if you're not paying attention. I'm talking those details that you probably wouldn't catch until you've already read it once, seen how things have panned out, and then read through it again. Like, how it described us feeling cold whenever we thought about Jack leaving or fading away from us, or how the air would feel like syrup or cotton candy whenever he spoke to us, or how we'd get all warm in the most literal sense whenever Jack was near, or feel full, or completed, or -- the list honestly goes on. Like, there's a lot of allusion to being slowly corrupted/possessed by Jack, because this guy is a ghost, remember? Yeah, I had lowkey forgot, too.

Those specifically subtle details really made the story come together, and once I caught onto what was going on, I was just like, bro, the signs were there! I'd have to say that my absolute favorite "subtle" sign was when Jack always seemed to know exactly what we were thinking, almost like he was able to read our thoughts, but as soon as we started to "reject" him, all of a sudden he wasn't exactly sure what we thought. He went from responding to our thoughts to questioning what we may have been thinking about. Like, what? Go the eff off SnaccPop!

I love this visual novel, I love this visual novel, I love this visual novel, I love this frickin visual novel. I could ramble and geek way more but I'm gonna start wrapping it up before I start yappin' too, too much. Just allow me a few more sentences, a paragraph or two, please.

I. Cannot. Wait! For the full and official release! I am so excited to see how the team is going to mold this story and how things are going to pan out. I'm excited to see how and if we're able to get away from Jack because, at this point, he has a damned strong hold on us, but I'm speculating that our horror movie fanatic and director friend is going to come in clutch for this one.

If it was not obvious (and honestly, if you were somehow later to this game than I was) 100/10 would recommend, and I am recommending. It is so good, and I really hope that I'm not over hyping it, because the foundation that has been built for this story is so damned solid. Like I mentioned way earlier, unfortunately, you can't play the (free) updated demo anymore, but you can still play the classic one; I just don't know how different it is compared to the new version. Either way, I'll give you the link to both just in case (Update | OG). If you're able, definitely give them that monetary support and play the updated version. Hell, tell ME how it is because...I really don't want to put off my bills but, at this point, Jack has me in a fucking chokehold all over again. What's an extra, unplanned $12 at this point? Also, if able, visit the game's page and give SnaccPop that ever so encouraging but thirsty "NEED. MOAR. I mean, you take your time because perfection can't be rushed, and I know you all are people with a life and other responsibilities and such, BUT I NEED. MOAR. IT'S SO GOOD. STAND AND DELIEVER. ...please UwU I beg OTL"

Meh, that was highkey three paragraphs, but I'm not gonna split it so it can still be the two paragraphs that I requested. Lol sorry for pushing it there, but I'm done now! Promise. No more yappin'. The yap has been concluded, and I'm gonna go ahead and head out.

Big preesh for getting this far, and please, remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack (Updated; download not available to public)

Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack (Classic; download available)

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moonysfavoritetoast · 8 months

Text

Introduction !!

im so sorry to the people who aren’t used to my antics

sorry if this is rude, but please stop sending the gofundme asks. they’re overwhelming me, and i put off answering them until i feel shitty about not answering.

last updated 9/8/24*

*month/day/year

about me

hi i’m evan or cosmo :) i love love LOVE nicknames! as long as they aren’t sexual or directly calling me a girl, i don’t mind! *

i’m a MINOR in eighth grade, don’t be a creep. im a MINOR.

i use he/they/it pronouns

i’m transmasc, non-binary, bisexual & aceflux (i also use achillean and demi-boy as labels!)

* i especially love the nickname ‘ev’, as my sister had it first and my family will not call me that. i don’t want to be sexualized, it makes me uncomfortable. i am a boy, and i don’t want to be called a girl. eg; ‘good girl’ ‘my girl’ ‘girlfriend’. as for sexual stuff, i mean LITERALLY any nickname said with sexual undertones. i don’t mind being called a good boy, but the moment it’s said with anything sexual you might be blocked. for that reason, please use tone tags, as i am pretty bad at figuring out what some things mean at times.

rambling

FREE PALESTINE

PFP WAS DRAWN BY MY LOVELY WIFE @meerealsssss

currently matching pfps with @amg2 / @muthafuckinaro and @meerealsssss

first post limit 3/12/24

expect vent posts from time to time

also also currently going batshit crazy over fallout (honorable mentions are gravity falls, ghost, and sally face !)

i complain a lot, sorry

will x isaac

deer :3 and and german shepherds :3

jizz pants (will anf dom know what this means)

watch just add magic, do it please /nf

i love love love minecraft diaries (aphmau) gagagag lawrence and aaron are my fave characters (please talk to me about aphmau i swear i’m not cringe)

nico <3

starr <3

alex <3

ace <3

mee <3

my wife is @meerealsssss

my wife is @homoashell

my wife is @catinasink

my wife is dominic

my wife is also undyne

my wife is also mrs claus

my wife is trashcan carla

my husband is @amg2 / @muthafuckinaro

my husband is @homoashell

my husband is @catinasink

my husband is @the-rizzly-bear

my husband is the man in the yellow hat

my husband is terzo. i will not be taking criticism at this time.

my husband is also rick sanchez

my husband is also jazon broadly

my husband is also izerah (fuck you what is his last name, mee?)

pac-man is also my husband

my husband is alastor (hazbin hotel)

lucifer is my husband (hazbin hotel)

my husband is rj maccready:3

my husband is john hancock (the gay one)

my husband is the ghoul (on my knees for that cowboy ass mf)

my husband is ford pines

lord farquaad is my husband

my husband is jeremy fragrance

my husband is prae jack ;3

my partner is @alex-the-bard <3 <3 <3

my partner is @homoashell <3

my partner is @catinasink <3

likes/dislikes

like: music, tv, friends, my cat, cool socks, writing, rick sanchez, genloss, tadc, musicals/theatre, undertale/deltarune, ducks, omori

dislike: loud noises, silence, school

i’m currently obsessed with: ghost, dreamscape nexus, rick and morty, gravity falls, etc

i post about:

• marauders

• (mostly) random thoughts

• dreamscape nexus

• other random things

• rick and morty

• gravity falls

• percy jackson

• undertale/deltarune

• hazbin hotel

• helluva boss

• fallout

• omori

• sally face

• ghost

• mad max

family/pets

i have a younger sister, evie

i have a cat named daniel tiger

i have two dogs, gunner and roxie

timezone

EST

if you’re interacting with me past midnight, i’ll probably be a bit sillier than normal

DNI

maps/pedophiles, z00philes, bigots, ED and porn blogs

if you have ‘mdni’ in ur bio

simon cowell

donald trump

neo-nazis

if you don’t like furries and therians please get the fuck away from my blog

and if you shit on other’s religions, get away

what can you call me?

no: feminine related terms (unless you’re using them in a gender neutral way or as a joke) like girl, sister, wife, etc (bbg is always ok)

yes: boy, guy, partner, husband, dude, man (basically anything masculine/gender neutral)

sideblogs

@ricksanchezsboyfriend is my rick and morty sideblog

@mountainsmissingshoes is my ghost sideblog

@alastorsbigdick is my hazbin hotel rp sideblog (matching ace)

@giddingstexasenthusiast is my southern mom rp blog

@cryingunderstars is my writing sideblog

i am also @hadesfavoritechild

i run @rosie-rosier as well (marauders rp blog)

@scandalous-triangle and @myst3rytw1n are my gravity falls rp blogs (dm to join?)

extra info

birthday is august 7 :3

tone tags appreciated

i’m some flavor of neurodivergent (except i’m not diagnosed (parents r more worried about my sister) soz)

i play trumpet + i want to learn electric guitar or drums

i’m a gryffindor

child of hades

my favorite band is ghost

i speak english and i am currently learning french (might learn swedish)

satanist

feminist

alterhuman

fictionkin

theatre kid (crew) currently doing little shop of horrors

my fav number is 173

i write

i live in my own head. sorry.

i live in michigan and i guess this is shameful (shrimp bullies me for it)

i kin dipper pines

i have another sideblog. if you find it, idk i’ll give you chocolate or something (it’s embarrassing)

fuck wilbur soot. if i post about lovejoy, please know that i do not support him.

ask me about ghost (band) i have an oc and want to talk about them

send anon asks

tags!

• screenshots of dm’s/discord/texts: #evan leaks their texts

• lyrics: #evan screams lyrics at you

• my asks: #evan gets an ask *gasp*

• anything related to my book w/ @meerealsssss: #brokenly beloved

• anything related to moonlex (@alexthescaredenby and i’s ship name): #moonlex tag

• dreamscape nexus: #dreamscape nexus / #dn

• bracelets i make: #evan’s bracelets

• ace’s shit quotes: #ace needs to shit

• me talking about the man in the yellow hat: #tevan tag

• pictures of me: #literally evan

• me screaming about something: #on todays episode of evan is slowly going insane

• certain anon who signs off with a ☀️: #☀️ anon

• shit about omori: #evan plays omori

• shit about sally face: #evan plays sally face

• reblogging mutual’s art: #REBLOG (mutuals art)

• stuff that i post at theatre: #theatre shenanigans

• everything else: #evan's rambles

people i talk about

my teachers :3

• mr sharpie/mr shark is my band teacher (he/him)

• madam eddinger is my french teacher

• mr crowner is my science teacher

• mrs bryant is my math teacher

• mr stowe is my social studies teacher

• mrs erskine is my ela teacher

• mrs seals is the old ass transphobic building substitute

• mr jacobs is our theatre director

• ms carmen is from theatre

——— previous teachers

• mama is a teacher from sixth grade (she/her)

• mrs kopykat - seventh, ela (she/her)

• ms k - seventh, ela student teacher (she/her)

• mr bones/skeleton - seventh, science (he/him)

• mr margarita/montague - seventh, social studies (he/him)

• mrs doty/dodds - seventh, math (she/her)

my irl friends :3

• crotch demon is my sister (she/her)

• my sweet little expired english muffin is @meerealsssss (she/her)

• ace @amg2 / @muthafuckinaro (they/them, mal/they)

• wife part two is my wife, they asked me to not name her here (she/they)

• al/allie is from school :3 (she/her)

• smurf is from school (blue hair, hence the nickname) (he/him)

• tomato is from school (silly :3) (he/him)

• boom boy/isaac is from school (he made me a netherite pickaxe after someone else burned mine // the pick had unbreaking // boom boy likes tnt) (he/him)

• boomerang/matt is from school (he/him)

• (irl) alex is from school :3 (he/they)

• khris is from school

• colten is from school (father) (he/him)

• will @skibitygamer is from school (he/him)

• dom is from school (he/him)

• luca was from theatre (mf graduated)

• maryn is from theatre

• alex (n) was from theatre (also graduated)

• chris is from theatre

parents are now getting their own nicknames

• hades is my dad (he/him)

• will come up with one for my mom (she/her)

where else can you find me?

pinterest (moonysfavoritetoast)

pinterest (cryingunderstars)

youtube

wattpad (please don’t take this seriously)

tiktok (moonysfavoritetoast)

tiktok (cryingunderstars)

facebook mom account

my nintendo switch friend code is SW-4260-6971-6714

roblox is /@moonysfavorite_toast

and discord (@moonysfavoritetoast)

#intro post

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autumnshighlady · 10 months

Text

I've Always Liked to Play With Fire (part 17)

NESTA ARCHERON X ERIS VANSERRA X FEMALE!READER

summary: reunion time

warnings: Night Court slander, anti Rhysand

word count: 5.9k

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

a/n: i am SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES! It's been almost 4 months since the last chapter yikes. Life got crazy then I got into a horrible writing block and this is the first thing I've written since July. I'll admit it sucks and is definitely a filler chapter but I promise more exciting stuff to come x

feedback is appreciated, just no hate pls! these are just my opinions, i’m more curious to see how you all like the writing and characterization and storylines!

part 1 // part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16 /

read on ao3

Spotify playlist

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

For the first time in weeks, your eyes open to rays of sunshine instead of cold darkness. Warm, rich scents flooded your senses, so vastly different from the stifling air of the prison cell you had become accustomed to. Instead of smelling damp, cold stone, you were greeted with the smell of fir trees and fresh air. Your limbs felt lighter, the weight of the chains that had been shackled to your wrists for ages long forgotten.The soft touch of a heavy blanket wrapped around you like an embrace, hugging your body.

You squinted at the harshness of the light, eyes not quite used to the brightness of the sun. You groaned and rolled over to get away from the luminous glow, but felt your body collide with something on the bed. After a couple blinks, your eyes began to focus on the lithe figure sitting next to you.

“Nesta…” Your voice was barely above a whisper, her name like a prayer on your mouth as she came into view. Nesta’s tall frame was seated cross-legged next to you, clad in a deep green gown with a wide neckline adorned with a lacy pattern of gold flowers. Her hands were clasped together tightly, resting upon her skirts. Her sharp face was muddled with concern, slate grey eyes hollow like her mind was elsewhere.

But they snapped into focus once again at the sound of your voice. “(Y/N)” Nesta breathed, blinking a few times as if she couldn’t believe it was truly you. “You’re awake.”

“How long was I out?” You asked, trying to prop yourself up on your elbows but failing. You let out a groan, flopping back onto the pillows like a sack of potatoes.

“Don’t try and sit up yet.” Nesta warned, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. “You’ve been out for two days. Your body has been through so much, the healers said to let you rest as much as possible.”

You took in a breath, taking in the sight of Nesta before you. A thousand emotions swelled up in you all at once, threatening to burst out and paint the room a hundred different colours. Your mate, your beautiful, strong mate had come to save you. Tears pricked at your eyes as your throat swelled up. “Nesta–” You croaked out.

“Shhh.” Nesta shushed, squeezing your shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re safe. You got out. We all did.”

You sighed. The escape from the Night Court seemed like yesterday and a million years ago all at once. “Are we in Autumn? I don’t remember getting here.”

Nesta nodded. “You passed out on Zôrzimril after we left Night. We’re in Eris’ personal residence in the woods. Beron doesn’t know you’re here.”

You glanced at the room around you, taking in the rich earthy tones signature to the Autumn Court. It was warm and inviting, a stark contrast to the cold surroundings of Night. Lucien had told you that Eris had his own, elaborate place somewhere free of his father in the court. You had never stepped foot in it, until now, but had always wanted to.

“You’re in the room I’ve been staying in.” Nesta continued, a hint of a red blush across her cheeks as she avoided your gaze. “Actually, it’s technically Eris’s–”

“Wait,” You interrupted her. “I’m in Eris’s bed? You’ve been sleeping in Eris’s bed?”

Nesta’s blush deepened. “It’s his personal residence. He doesn’t exactly have guest rooms.”

“Where has he been staying then?”

“When he’s not at his father’s palace, the couch, apparently. Don’t feel bad for him, that couch is big enough for 3 people to sleep comfortably, limbs spread out and all.”

You snorted, ignoring the fact that you were laying in Eris’ personal bed. You expected to feel a twinge of jealousy that Nesta had been staying in this room, so up close and personal with Eris. But none came. Something which surprised you, given Nesta was your mate, and mates were supposed to be territorial.

It was like a bucket of ice water was washed over you as you recalled the realisations you came to over the last few days. Nesta didn’t know she was your mate – she thought she was Cassian’s.

Estelle’s words rang in your head. Fae folk can have more than one mate in some instances. Nesta Archeron has more than one, but Cassian is not one of them.

It confused you – Cassian sure acted like a mated male around Nesta, even more so once Rhys mentioned it at the Court of Nightmares. Why would the High Lord lie about it? Did anyone else know? A million questions swarmed through you, each one louder than the last.

You recalled Nesta telling you the story of Feyre finding out about the mating bond with Rhys. How angry she was when she found out that the male had known for months and didn’t tell her. Deep down, you knew Nesta would be angrier the longer you kept it from her. “Nesta,” You began. “There’s something you need to know–”

“Good morning, my sunshines.” The smooth voice of Eris echoed throughout the room as the door swung open, interrupting you. The prince strolled in, red hair gleaming in the glow of the morning sun. He was carrying a tray, steaming with freshly baked pastries, tea, and fruits. “I see (Y/N) has risen from the dead!”

“You’re not funny, Eris.” Nesta snapped.

“I disagree.” Eris quipped, setting the tray down at the foot of the bed. “(Y/N) think’s I’m hilarious, don’t you (Y/N)?”

You snorted. “If you pass me that bacon and egg sandwich I’ll give you this one.”

Eris smirked, placing the requested item onto a gold plate and passing it to you. “Deal.”

You eagerly grabbed the sandwich, taking as big of a bite as your mouth would allow. It burned your tongue, but you didn’t care. It took everything in you not to moan as the rich flavours filled your taste buds. “This is amazing.” You mumbled.

The Autumn Prince smirked. “Well I suppose anything would taste good after being basically starved in a dungeon.”

“Seriously, Eris. Shut up.” Nesta seethed, shooting a deadly glare at him. You snorted, but couldn’t help but notice the lack of seriousness behind it. Plenty of times you had been witness to Nesta snapping at people, but this was different. Her tone didn’t have the same bite to it that it did with others – no, it was more playful. She turned back to you, eyes softening. “How do you feel?”

You shrugged. “Tired. Like I’ve just done the workout of the century and need a week’s worth of sleep. I don’t want to leave this bed for at least another few days.”

Grey eyes met amber ones as Nesta and Eris exchanged an uneasy glance. For that moment, the only sound was the rustling of the wind coming through the windows. “What?” You asked, brows furrowed.

Eris sighed, walking around the corner of the bed. He was dressed in a simple red shirt with loose sleeves, the top slightly unlaced and exposing the pale skin underneath. Very rarely had you seen the prince dressed so casually. He grabbed your ankles through the thick duvet, lifting your legs up slightly and moving them to the side to make space for him to sit across from Nesta. Eris kept his hands on your legs, gently squeezing them.

“You’ve survived a lot of hard things lately, (Y/N).” He said slowly. “And you’ve overcome one of the most difficult parts. But I’d be lying if I said it was going to get a lot easier.”

A lump formed in your throat. Truthfully, over the past few weeks you hadn’t even thought about the possibility of what life would be like if you escaped Night and got to Autumn. There were still dozens of factors to consider, all of which you had given up on figuring out solutions to.

“I have to explain to my father how and why you are here, which will be difficult.” Eris continued. “He already blew a fuse over Nesta’s unexpected arrival. It is likely a second unexpected arrival will be even worse, and he will not take it lightly.”

You shifted in the pillows, running a hand through your hair. Surprisingly, you weren’t met with the knots and tangles you expected from not being able to brush your own hair for weeks. “Your father will hurt you, won’t he?” You said to Eris.

He hesitated before speaking. “Let me worry about that, my dear. We need to convince my father there’s a good reason for you to stay. I’ve already used the marriage card on Lady Nesta here, so we need to figure out something else.”

“What about my…” Your words trailed off as you tried to think of a word to describe what exploded out of you during the escape. “Magic?”

Eris shook his head. “Not an option. He cannot know about that.”

“Why not? Surely he’ll find out eventually?”

“Likely not. Rhysand is not stupid enough to let slip that he let someone with that kind of ability escape his court. And I have reason to believe Tamlin will stay quiet about it as well.”

“Speaking of that kind of ability,” Nesta interjected. “What even was that? I didn’t know you–”

“Yeah, me neither.” You said, locking your fingers together and twirling them around. You lowered your head, avoiding their gazes. “Something…. something happened when I was in there.”

Eris cocked his head, eyes burning with curiosity. “What happened?”

Nesta grabbed your hands, unlocking your clammy fingers and lacing her own between them. She shot a fierce look at Eris. “She doesn’t have to talk about it now.” She hissed.

“Yes, Nesta, she does.” Eris said calmly before turning back to you. “I wish we had more time to let you rest, I really do, but I need to know what happened before I can figure out what story to spin to my father.”

You let out a sigh. “Why can’t we just kill him first so we don’t have to deal with all of this?”

Nesta snorted, earning an eye roll from Eris. “As much as I would love to be rid of my father,” Eris said. “We have to wait before we take him out. There are things that need to be properly aligned, and it takes planning.”

“Haven’t you been planning?” You fired back. “I mean, plotting and scheming is all you do in your spare time, isn’t it?”

A smirk formed at the edge of Eris’s lips. “The officials in this court need to see Beron accept you and Nesta if they’re going to accept you. We risk a coup if we kill him before then. Now, tell me what happened while you were in that cell.”

Nesta’s steady hand on your weak one evened your breathing slightly. You tore your gaze from the pattern on the sheets and you drank in the sight of her as if it could slip away at a moment's notice. She looked stronger, healthier than she had in Night. She carried herself more confidently, less stiff and rigid. She looked more comfortable in her own skin, something that filled you with pride. But also sorrow – sadness at the fact you hadn’t been there to witness this change.

And so you explained everything – the vision you had, the conversation with Estelle, what happened that day Hybern came to your village. Nesta’s face was twisted with confusion and awe as you went on, whereas Eris’ expression was unreadable.

“But that wasn’t everything.” You murmured, heart beginning to race as you prepared to explain the part you dreaded most.

“There’s more?” Nesta asked, eyes wide. “You’re telling me you’re the Mother incarnate, and there’s more than that?”

Tears pricked at your eyes once again. These next few words could ruin everything. You knew Nesta hated the idea of mates, the concept of being shackled to someone just because a higher being thought you’d produce good offspring. Nesta already had to process what Rhysand said about Cassian being her mate, and you were about to make it a whole lot worse. You couldn’t stop those tears from spilling down your face as a sob left your body.

“Hey…” Eris spoke softly, reaching out to brush one of the tears off your cheek. “It’s ok.”

“(Y/N)?” Nesta’s voice was cautious, laced with concern.

“You’re my mate.” Your voice shook as you dragged the words out. You fixed your gaze on the sheets again, not wanting to see Nesta’s reaction.

“What?” She said quietly.

“Cassian isn’t your mate,” You said, more steady this time. “I am. Estelle said fae can have more than one mate, but Cassian is not one of yours.”

For once, not even the wind rustled in response. It was as if the world had gone quiet. You could feel her surprise, like a rush of cold water surging through that link between you two. You tried to reach her through the bond, to get a sense of what else she was feeling, but you were met with a stone cold wall.

Nesta. You tried. But she had shut you out, eyes vacant as she took in the information. Wordlessly, Nesta removed her hands from yours. Your skin cried out at the loss of warmth, missing the contact already. She uncrossed her legs and climbed off the bed before leaving the room, slamming the door behind her.

A sob wracked your body again, harder this time. Wet droplets appeared on the sheets as tears rolled off your face, and you buried your head in your hands. Even after everything you’d endured, this was somehow the worst.

You felt a shift on the bed as Eris scooted up closer to you. “It’ll be okay.” You heard his voice murmur in that scarce gentle tone.

“You don’t know that.” You choked out. One of your fears had come true. Everything you and Nesta had built up over the last few months – the quiet friendship, the few sacred kisses you shared that set your entire body alight, the easiness during training with Gwyn and Emerie, it all came crashing down. Whatever she had felt for you mattered now, she wouldn’t want to be shackled even more than she already has.

“When you were asleep, Nesta spent hours untangling your hair.”

You lifted your head from your hands at Eris’ voice, meeting his soft gaze. “It was a mess,” He continued. “Took her the entire afternoon. But she was so gentle, and not breaking a single strand. She didn’t take a single break, and even after she was done she remained by your side until the sun came up. I set up the couch for her, but she insisted on sleeping next to you.”

Eris gently touched your hand. It was warm against your skin, which you felt was still thawing from the cold of Rhys’ dungeon. “Nesta has had a lot to take in the last few weeks, as you well know. I’ve been training her powers, but my father has insisted that a demonstration of her magic be made before the marriage is to happen. I have no doubt that–”

“Did you know?” You blurted out before the prince could finish his sentence. It was a question that had been niggling at the back of your mind since you found out Nesta was your mate – Eris had a knack for finding out things long before others knew. You had no doubt that the second he found out about the spell you and Nesta cast, he had delved into hours of research trying to figure out as much about it as possible. He was a clever male, one who fought with knowledge and scheming rather than brute force like Cassian.

Eris was silent for a moment before speaking. “I suspected. There were too many unknown factors to bring it up, I wanted to be sure before I told Nesta. I found old manuscripts dating back thousands of years – the text was faded, but it went into more details about the specifics of the spell between Estelle and Jayana. There were too many parallels between it and the mating bond. I figured the only explanation was that a mating bond had to already be in place for the spell to truly link.”

You sighed. If Nesta found out that Eris might have known as well and kept it from her, she would be even angrier. “Eris, Nesta doesn’t trust easily. You should have told her this the second you got the idea in your head. Now she’s going to be pissed at both of us.”

“She’s not pissed at you, my dear.” Eris gently stroked your hand with his thumb, the movement so small it was almost undetectable. “Give her a few hours to process. Then we can all sit down and figure out what to do next, okay? Now rest for a bit longer, you need to get your strength back.”

You nodded, heart aching at the image of Nesta storming out of the room. Laying back, you settled back into the plush bedding, wishing it would swallow you up whole. Eris reached down and pulled the duvet closer to you, gently tucking you in. “Sleep well, darling.” He whispered. Before you could process it, Eris leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. Your skin tingled at the sensation, still feeling like it was slowly thawing from the cold of the dungeon.

There was so much more you wanted to say, a thousand questions you wanted to ask Eris, but the prince retreated as quickly as he came leaving you to sleep. Your eyes fluttered shut as you drifted off again, heart aching at the absence of Nesta’s presence.

*********************

A few hours later, you smoothed your hands over the skirts of the dress Eris’s servants had laid out for you. It was a rich brown colour with a square neckline and loose sleeves -- elegant, yet comfortable. You had no clue where Eris had been pulling this wardrobe from, but that was besides the point. Grogginess continued to plague you, although less so than before. Even with your fae healing, it would take a while for you to return to your full strength – something you had Rhysand to thank for.

Your hands curled into fists, nails scraping through your palms as you thought of the High Lord of the Night Court. A sick feeling curled in your gut as you recalled his smug face as he sent his dark powers slicing through your skin. Every time you closed your eyes, you were back in that dungeon, chained up and helpless against the male. You hated it, hated him. You hated how much his slimy face crossed your mind, how the faint scars along your wrists would never truly fade. Your mind flashed with memories of riding atop Zorzimril, burning down Rhys and Feyre’s many castles, the orange flames lighting up the night sky as you burned and burned them. You’d be lying if you said that didn’t make you feel better.

Shaking your head as if to push memories of Rhysand out of your mind, you wandered towards the door on unsteady legs. As the door swung open, you were greeted with a long hallway lined with elegant torches. You looked back and forth, unsure which way to go. You didn’t even know Eris had this residence, let alone how to navigate it. But then you felt something, a slight pull deep inside of you that urged you to go left. Aimlessly, you followed it, wandering down the hallway before coming to a beautiful wooden arch that marked the entryway into the living room. In awe, you scanned the space before you. A series of couches and armchairs were placed around the room, some by a fireplace and some by the high bookshelf that stretched all the way to the ceiling. It was decorated in rich autumnal colours, the scent of cinnamon and apple cider filling the air. It had a modest dining table and three chairs, and a set of doors that seemingly led to a pathway outside.

Nesta and Eris occupied two of the chairs, sitting across from each other in silence. Eris was humming quietly, writing something down on a piece of parchment. His red hair looked more orange in the candlelight, and was braided loosely. Nesta sat stoically, staring into nothing. She had a cup of tea in front of her, but no steam emitted from it. Clearly she had been there a while, tea untouched. Her face was grave, but her head whipped to face you as you stepped through the archway.

You wanted to throw up with nerves. You had always been able to read Nesta’s expressions until now. Her face was contorted with a mix of emotions, passing so quickly between each one it was impossible to tell what they were. My mate, my mate, my mate, rang like a war bell in your head so loud it threatened to drown out any sounds from the outside world. You felt the bond in your chest swell in her presence, stronger than anything you’d felt before. There was no denying it – Nesta was your mate.

“May I join you?” You finally managed to ask through a dry throat. Nesta said nothing and just kept staring at you.

“By all means,” Eris piped up, setting his pen down. “Come join the party. We’re having a grand old time here, aren’t we, Nesta?”

You expected Nesta to roll her eyes or snap at him in that playful manner, but it was as if she didn’t even hear Eris. She just kept looking at you as if she wasn’t sure if you were really there. You carefully walked over, taking a seat between Nesta and Eris at the head of the table where the remaining chair was. Her grey gaze followed you the whole way.

“What have you guys been up to while I was out?” You asked.

Eris sighed. “Well, my dear, I informed Nesta of what I began to suspect regarding the bond. She tore me a new one for not telling her, it was very dramatic. So now we’re sitting in silence trying to figure out how to address the elephant in the room.”

You didn’t say anything, just stared at the lines in the wood of the table. You felt frozen – afraid of saying the wrong thing. Nesta had never wanted to be fae, and you knew having a mating bond must make that worse for her. It would make her even more shackled to this life she didn’t want, chipping away at her remaining humanity piece by piece. Sure, you and Nesta had kissed a few times and there was feeling behind it, but that didn’t mean she wanted you as a life partner. And even with that, Estelle had said Nesta had multiple mates. If Cassian was not one of them, then who was?

Eris’s sigh broke your thoughts. “By the Mother, you two are stubborn.” He huffed. “Let’s look at the facts, shall we? Nesta, (Y/N), you are mates. I suspected it a few days after I found out about the spell you two cast, as it needed an already existing bond to latch onto in order to work. But then things get complicated. Somehow, Rhys is wrong about Cassian being Nesta’s mate. Either they’re the best actors I’ve seen, or there is something linking Nesta and Cassian.”

You saw Nesta’s throat bob at the mention of Cassian. Trying to figure out how he was connected to Nesta hurt your brain.

“I felt something with Cassian,” Nesta said tensely. “Not in that way, but I could feel what he felt as if part of him lived within me. How is that not a mating bond?”

The prince shrugged. “I have no idea, honestly. There’s something strange going on there. However, none of that matters until we deal with my father. I am set to marry Nesta, which puts us in an awkward situation. If Nesta pleases my father with her powers, then she is to be wed to me.”

“When is that supposed to be happening?” You asked. You weren’t sure how you felt about Eris and Nesta getting married. Part of you was jealous, resentful at the idea of Nesta marrying someone else. But there was another part of you that felt differently in a way you couldn’t explain. Like you were being left out not just from Nesta’s life, but Eris’s too.

“Tonight.” Eris said gravely.

Your blood froze. “Tonight?”

“Yes. And no offence my dear, but you complicate things. Because now I have to explain to my father why you are here too and why I keep letting in strays.”

You snorted. “Beron’s going to kill me. I think you already pissed him off by letting Nesta in here without his permission. I’m not even half as valuable to him as she is, we both know he won’t have any use for me.”

“I won’t let that happen.” Nesta finally spoke, her voice fierce. You turned to face her and were met with her silver eyes. They stared into you, swimming with a thousand emotions.

“Whatever happens, Beron won’t touch you.” She continued evenly.

“We just have to play the angle right.” Eris said, crossing his arms and resting his elbows on the table. “You spied for Rhysand, correct?”

You scoffed. “Well, technically–”

“Yes, you did.” Eris interrupted sternly. “You spied for Rhysand, and then you found out what he was planning and tried to flee. He’s been hunting you down, and I found you at the Autumn Court border. That is the story we are going with.”

“What exactly did I find out that made me flee?”

“That he’s planning on becoming High King with Nesta’s Made sword.”

“Beron won’t believe that.”

“He will because it’s true.”

Your heart fell into your stomach. “What?” You spoke in a whisper, mind reeling in shock. The thought of Rhysand using Nesta’s weapons and declaring himself as High King over all of Prythian made you want to throw up.

“Based on my intel, the lovely Amren has been trying to convince him to go down that path.” Eris explained through gritted teeth. “Apparently he refused at first, but I strongly believe that with you and Nesta both having fled his grasp, he will reconsider his stance to get you back under his control.”

“If Rhysand was High King then he’d have dominion over the Autumn Court,” You muttered. “We would be right back where we started.”

Eris nodded. “But we can use this. My father would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen, overlook anything. If you inform him of Rhysand’s plans, he’ll want you on his side for more intel.”

“Would Beron really be so quick to trust someone who’s supposedly betraying their own court?”

“My dear, Rhysand locked you in a dungeon. That part we don’t have to lie about. We just have to twist the reasons why he locked you up. But truthfully, I think my father will be so distracted by the intel he won’t care about anything else.”

You chewed on your lower lip with worry. It was a big gamble, and while Eris was clever Beron was still unpredictable. So many things could go wrong so fast, and the last thing you wanted was to end up in another dungeon. The thought of doing so made you want to curl up into a ball.

As if sensing your discomfort, Nesta placed her hand on top of yours. It was warm, such a difference from how frail and cold her hands were in the Night Court. “It’ll be ok.” She murmured.

You smiled softly, relaxing instantly under her touch.

“And that’s my cue,” Eris announced, gathering his papers and standing up. “I suspect you two have much to discuss alone. I must go ensure everything is prepared for dinner with my father tonight. I’ve left instructions with the servants on how to get you ready, and I will be by to collect you both at five o’clock.”

He strode towards the archway, but paused briefly. Amber eyes landed on you and Nesta again, all playfulness gone. “I have done my part, and will do whatever I can to ensure your safety.” He said gravely. “But do not forget that you both have roles to play, and we all risk our heads if you fail to do so. And if you have any thoughts about betraying me to save your own skin, Beron will no longer be the one you need to fear from my family. I will throw you both to the wolves without hesitation if you think about dragging me down with you.”

With that, the prince left, leaving you and Nesta sitting in silence. Eris’s words stung you a bit, that he thought you would even think about betraying him. But Eris had been playing this song and dance with his father for centuries, and at the end of the day no matter how much he’d helped you, he’d always look out for himself. It was something you were aware of when you planned this, and you mentally kicked yourself for ignoring it.

The few minutes after Eris’s departure were filled with silence. No birds chirped in the windowsill, no breeze rustled the branches. It was as if the world had stopped, waiting on the edge of its seat for you and Nesta to speak.

Truthfully, you had no idea what to say. How could you comprehend what Nesta felt when you didn’t even know how you truly felt? A part of you had always loved Nesta, but were those your true feelings or just the mating bond? All those tender moments, the stolen kisses, the soft touches, would they have happened if the mating bond wasn’t already there? The thought of your connection with Nesta stemming from magic rather than your true feelings made your heart hurt. You had never wanted a mating bond, yet here you were.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, you found the courage to speak. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Nesta?”

Nesta took a deep breath, fiddling with her fingers for a minute before answering. “How a few weeks ago I was ready to burn down the entire Night Court to get you back. How every second you were in that dungeon I was here, living comfortably. How every time I closed my eyes I saw glimpses of darkness, how I felt your fear. How all that time, I thought it was the spell allowing me to feel those things. I never could have imagined…”

Her voice trailed off, as if she was afraid to even speak about the bond. “Me too,” You replied. “Look, I know things are hard for us right now. And you don’t have to accept the bond if you don’t want–”

Nesta sharply cut you off. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to accept it. I just don’t know what to believe right now. Estelle said Cassian wasn’t one of my mates, but I swear I felt a bond. Was she wrong about that? And does that mean she was wrong about us?”

“I can’t speak for Cassian, but I don’t think she was wrong about us. And I think you know it too, Nesta.”

Nesta looked up at you, grey eyes brimming with emotion. You felt a gentle tug at the bond and inhaled sharply. She smiled softly at your reaction, confirming everything she needed to know.

“Nesta…” You breathed her name like a prayer on your lips. Tears filled your eyes as you admired that tender smile.

“I’m sorry for running off on you earlier.” She said quietly. “I just… I didn’t expect it. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. You, being my mate. After everything that happened between us…”

You sniffled, trying to hold back more tears. “But was all of it real? I mean, if we were mated the whole time, did everything happen between us because of the bond, or because of us?”

Nesta blinked slowly. “It was real to me.”

“Me too.”

You stroked Nesta’s wrist with your thumb, rubbing it in circular motions. You felt like you were going to explode, feeling everything both you and Nesta were experiencing at once. All you wanted to do was sit here and stare at your beautiful mate, forgetting about everything else. To let the rest of the world fall away beneath your feet as long as you could stay in this moment forever.

But realistically, you knew you had to face the challenges. “What about Eris?” You asked quietly. “You’re supposed to marry him, where does that put us?”

The Archeron sister bit her lip anxiously. “I don’t know. I’m sure Eris and I will be free to see whomever we wish as long as we are discreet and are able to maintain our image.”

You laughed humourlessly. “So then I’d become your mistress.”

“That’s not what I want for either of us. But I don’t see another way right now.”

You tried not to let it sting. You weren’t stupid – Eris marrying Nesta was necessary in your plan, but that didn’t make it any easier. Especially now that you two were mated. The thought of simply being your mate's secret mistress made you feel slimy and ashamed. “How do you feel about marrying Eris?” You asked tentatively.

Nesta shrugged, but a faint red stained her cheeks. “It’s a smart move. It makes sense. And he’s not the worst male I’ve met so I think I’ll live.”

You chuckled, causing Nesta to glare at you. “Your face is red, Nesta. Admit it, you like him.”

“I don’t. He’s insufferable.” Nesta’s face only grew redder as she looked away.

Your laugh only grew louder. “Liar.”

“Fine!” Nesta snapped. “I’ve spent a lot of time with him in the last few weeks and he’s grown on me, ok? Does it not bother you as my mate for me to admit I like him? It feels wrong. I’m mated to you, not him.”

“No.” You answered honestly, which surprised you. “It doesn’t bother me. He’s charming. Besides, I’ve had a crush on him since I was like twenty, so…”

Your voice trailed off with embarrassment as you realised what you had just admitted. You had never told anyone about your crush on Eris, and had been determined to die with this secret. Your face went red, and Nesta burst out laughing.

“Look whose face is red now?” She teased.

“Shut up.” You mumbled, burying your face in your hands. “If you ever tell him I said that I’ll strangle you.”

Nesta snorted. “Oh, please. He’s Eris. He probably already knows.”

You groaned, banging your head into the wood of the table a few times. It was strange and yet comforting to know that Nesta liked Eris. You expected a mately surge of jealousy and possessiveness, but none came.

After a few more minutes of laughter, a comfortable silence took over the room before you each chose a book from the shelf and began to read. The hours began to pass by, and you stared at Nesta as she flipped through the pages, how beautiful she was with the autumn glow upon her. You wanted to memorise every inch of her features before the dinner with Beron tonight, the thought of which made your gut churn.

It was a quarter to five when the shuffled footsteps of four servants came into the room. It was time to prepare.

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covid-safer-hotties · 1 month

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Deadly Covid now 'all-year-round' virus as expert warns you could get it 'five times' - Published Aug 9, 2024

Brits have been warned that they could get deadly Covid up to “five times per year” as cases rise throughout the summer.

The warning comes from Professor Christina Pagel, from the Clinical Operational Research Unit at University College London, who also said that Covid has now morphed into an “all-year-round virus”. It comes after the latest UK Government data, up to and including July 12, shows that the number of deaths over that seven day period with Covid-19 on the death certificate was 197 people in the UK.

The week prior was 163, while June ended with 171. However, the 197 figure is the highest death toll since February 32, when 226 died, with an even higher 255 reported the week before – with 316 and 331 the two preceding weeks, respectively.

The number of patients in hospital, which hasn't been updated since June 30, was hovering just below 3,000, at 2,047 at the end of last month. This was around 1,000 more than the start of June, but around 1,000 less than at the start of 2024.

Speaking to Yahoo News, Professor Pagel said: “We're still seeing loads of people getting sick and we do know from the ONS infection survey last week that they're still getting long COVID. Even if it's a 1% chance every time you get an infection, that's still a lot of people that will be getting it.

“It just feels like we're just really dragging down our health – many people used to get one or two cold a year and the flu maybe once every four or five years, but now you're adding a Covid infection once a year on top of that.

"And it still makes a lot of people sick enough to not be at work for several days – potentially longer than that if you have long Covid. That's what I find quite worrying about it, it's just disruptive.

"What worries me more is that we're starting to feel as if being sick is normal, and it's not."

She also warned that Brits need to be far more careful when going out, and should plan two weeks ahead so that they don't get sick leading up to it. Professor Pagel went on to state that masking up at big gatherings would be a good idea, but that it “wouldn't be realistic” to expect that to happen.

#covid #mask up #pandemic #covid 19 #wear a mask #coronavirus #sars cov 2 #public health #still coviding #wear a respirator

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sugarushwriting · 3 months

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Untouchable / Bang Chan

Untouchable

“untouchable like a distant diamond sky,” “I’m caught up in you,” “when you’re close, I feel like coming undone

Prologue.

I’ve known him since I was 7 and he was 9. I’ve been best friend’s with his younger sister for 13 years, and my crush never faltered. Although we have our 2 year age difference, he only and always saw me as his little sister’s best friend, eventually calling me his own little sister. He would never look at me more than a younger sibling. Even when I turned 15, and started to grow in places, he never once glanced my way in an adoring look. Not like he did with other girls and his girlfriends at the time. I even once wore the skimpiest bikini I could find at 16 and he flat out walked past me without a second thought. Lily, my best friend and his sister, couldn’t believe I was brave enough to show that much skin to anyone.

From those 13 years, Lily never officially suspected I had a crush on her brother. She once told me, “it’s okay if you have a crush on him, every girl does!” I gagged and brushed her off with a blush. “Never in a million years,” I replied, knowing deep down, my heart ached for him to look at me anyway other than a younger sister. It was hard every day to ignore my silly little feelings for him. Christopher, or Chan as we called him at times, never saw my feelings for him. Never saw me bat my eyelashes at him, the cheesy pickup lines I told as ‘jokes,’ or the times I would dress up in hopes to receive any type of compliment. He would reply with “why do you have so much makeup on?” or “your skirt is too short, kid.” I always went home crying into my pillow.

Chan had his first ‘real’ girlfriend at 14, I was 12. I cried so hard, my mom thought I had spilled a drink in my favorite book. They broke up just months later, and I saw the light of day again. However, when he was 17, he went off to college and got a girlfriend. I had thought they wouldn’t last due to college life. My heart shattered into a million pieces when that didn’t happen. Chan hardly came home during college, only on major holidays. He was aiming to be a music producer, so his schedule was always packed. Whenever he did come visit, he always brought his girlfriend, Sharon. I tried to hate her, but I couldn’t. She was sweet, smart, and talented as she was in choir. That’s how they met--their shared musical talents.

When it was my and Lily’s turn to go off to college, I made a pact to myself - to get over Christopher Bahng. It was hard at first as not only did I go to school with Lily, and shared a dorm with her, Chan came to help her move in. Of course, he would sometimes visit, but never actually come up to the dorm. A few times she offered for me to hang out with them, but I always made up an excuse. Soon, Lily stopped talking to me about his life updates all together, only for a few here and there updates. My heart didn’t flutter like it used to. The feelings weren’t strong, but they were still somewhat there. During college, I found myself lost in my education and even some guys, but the guys never stuck. Mainly because I couldn’t get off by them, and sometimes I even imagined it was Chan’s face. They never quite pipped my interest.

Now, at 20, I haven’t seen or talked directly to Chan since Lily and I moved into college, 2 years ago. I don’t know what he looks like now as I blocked him on every social media account I had. He was now 22, and I wonder how much he grew in 2 years. I guess I would soon find out since Lily and I were spending the summer at her parent’s vacation rental in Australia for 3 months, and Chan would be there as well.

#bang chan #skz stay #skz #skz imagines #stray kids #stray kids imagines #stay #christopher bang #changbin #han jisung #hwang hyunjin #kim seungmin #lee felix #lee know #lee minho #lee yongbok #best friend brother

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my-castles-crumbling · 3 months

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Hi Cas

First off, please don't feel any pressure to answer this. I'm not heavily relying on this and would seriously prefer it if you put yourself and your mental health above mine

Second off, how are you?

Third off, I need advice :(

Little backstory so you understand, I'm a queer indian that shifted to London 12 months ago for my year 8-9, and when I first joined the school I was best friends with four people including the girl im talking about lets call her Saoirse cause she's Irish. 6-7 months later we've all drifted apart except Saoirse and her best friend. During class we talked occasionally and bantered as friends, until one day she insulted and laughed at me with a couple of friends about my Indian three letter name and when I called her out for it by mentioning her own name, she got into a strop and ignored me for 3 months, as well as trying to one up me with my supposed best friend who I ahwv a shaking relationship with. Admittedly, I did grovel a bit until she started talking to me randomly one morning. A month and we're good friends and then she gets caught doing something and when she gets a detention blames it on me. The next day the teacher asks me and I deny it, it becomes a whole thing for three weeks in which I promise myself to not let her into my life. But one day Saoirse just starts speaking to me again and since we're in the same friend group and it just felt so good I let her. For a week she dotes on me, pulling me to sit with her, and just something about the way she acts and speaks makes me wanna compliment her every time I speak to her. The second week, she unnecessarily touches me whenever she can, compliments me, and when a friend asked her if she was straight (a question she continuously replied yes to and she had a bf) she looked at me, smiled, and said her minds been changing lately. Throughout the week she flirts with me and calls me 'pookie', which whatever everyone does but before we had more of a love language: rude relationship. Finally on the last day, she pulls me aside and applies her lip balm on my lips slowly and constantly, leaning into close and then abruptly leaving. On Monday, peek a boo, shes a bitch. She continuously love bombs me, and whenever another girl who liked me looked at me she would put on an act and make me confront that girl because she called Saoirse a dick for everything. On Wednesday she just acts like she subtly hates me, but I can't speak to anyone cause all my friends are her friends. And also, shes so so so addicting so I can't use my remaining self respect and move away

What do I do?

(sorry for the long ask)

Hi hon! I'm good!

Well, it sounds like you already know what to do, it's just a matter of doing it:

You know Saoirse isn't treating you well. You know you deserve better. And you know she's the type of person hat keeps drawing you back in.

And trust me, I know those people. They're - like you said - addicting. But addiction never ends well, does it? So I think you know that the best idea is to take space from her.

I know it's a lot easier said than done, I know. But you deserve to be treated with respect. And it's okay to take space from people who aren't giving you what you deserve.

Think about it. Message me again with updates or if you need encouragement!

Naming you self respect anon <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #self respect anon

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matan4il · 10 months

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Update post:

Rockets from Gaza continue to be fired at Israel. The 7 days where there was a break in the fighting, were clearly used by Hamas to re-build their abilities to fire into Israel, because the rocket attacks since the fighting has resumed are more intense than they were in the days before the break started. The rockets from Gaza were joined today by rockets from Hezbollah in Lebanon, and from Syria. Among other consequences we've seen on this day, at least 12 Israelis were injured by this rocket fire, and a synagogue was hit.

As the testimonies about the rapes and sexual assaults committed by Hamas continue to mount, in the last two days, we got confirmation that men were victimized by Hamas, too. The voices decrying the rapes as crimes against humanity are starting to be heard as well. The fact that it took people two months to get there, and some (*cough* the UN Women's organization *cough*) still issued what can barely be called a pale statement on the subject. When taken with how long it took them to speak, it really is not enough. But some voices are actually surprising. The Guardian is notoriously anti-Israel, to the point where its own Jewish worker has written about not feeling safe there. But now they've published an op ed that said exactly what needed to be said: rape is rape. And looking away from rape, for whatever reason, is wrong. And here's another testimony from a piece by The Sunday Times:

People are speculating on why Hamas won't release the last of the women that are known to be alive and in captivity in Gaza, despite that being a breach of the hostage deal, and a red line for Israel. A common hypothesis is that these women must have been raped and abused so badly, Hamas doesn't want to release them. IDK if this is true, but then, I'm not just writing about what Israelis know for sure. I'm mainly writing about what Israelis are going through, the torment of not knowing, the fear of the darkest possibilities that come up when the unknown looms over us, and this hypothesis is a part of it.

The IDF says it has destroyed 500 terror tunnels in Gaza since the fighting began, and 800 tunnel shafts. It has also published the names of Hamas leaders, and called on them to surrender. This is a reminder that Hamas could stop all the fighting, and save many Palestinians, by surrendering immediately, and returning all the hostages that it's still holding.

This is Yaron Avraham.

He was born to an Israeli Arab family in Lod. When he was 9 years old, his beloved older sister was murdered in front of his eyes by his older brothers, for having returned home late (i.e, for supposedly being promiscuous). He was incredibly distraught, since he was so attached to her, and to get him out of the way, he was sent by his brothers to study at an extremist mosque in Gaza. He recounted that he was there for 5.5 years, during which the boys were indoctrinated to hate Jews, and think little of their own lives. As a climax exercise, they were "buried" alive in a real grave, in a real cemetery, while their classmates held their funeral above them. Yaron Avraham said it took him years to heal from this experience. Another incident that he shared, is that once, two of his classmates were accused of being sexually active together (he didn't believe the accusation, and thought they were being made an example of). The two boys were beheaded in front of their classmates. Yaron gave them hell at the mosque, until they sent him back to his family. His brothers then had him study instead in another extremist mosque, this time in the village of Yatta. After another 1.5 years there, he ran away, and ended up living on the streets of Lod, a mixed Israeli city. He was taken in by a Jewish man, who fed and took care of him, and gave him proper education. After a couple of years, Yaron chose to volunteer, to serve in the IDF. His unit was sent to Gaza, and he ended up outside the mosque where he was abused. He wanted to go in and kill everyone there, but his Jewish commander stopped him. "You don't understand," he tried to explain the antisemitic brainwashing that happened inside that mosque, but his commander insisted that killing everyone inside goes against our values. Yaron said that this was the beginning of his journey to convert to Judaism, when he saw how instead of sanctifying death, Jews sanctify life. Everyone's life. Even their enemies'.

Yaron has retold his story numerous times, my summary here is based on several of his interviews, written and filmed. But something that got to me about a recent one, that he gave after Oct 7, is that he was asked about the occupation as the excuse anti-Israelis give for Hamas' brutal violence. Yaron said that it was never mentioned! That in the 7 years he spent in those two mosques, no one ever talked to them about the occupation. That it was always clear this was a religious fight. The problem was the evil character of the Jews. That is the mentality of Hamas terrorists. That is the antisemitic brainwashing that they undergo. That's why they can rape, maim, torture and murder without a second thought, even though they surely know this would not liberate any Palestinian.

The Iran-funded Houthis terrorists attacked two ships today, both supposedly for being Israeli. The less severely damaged ship has one shareholder who's an Israeli businessman. The more severely damaged one has nothing to do with Israel, it's believed the Houthis might have misidentified it. Officially, the Houthis say they are in a war against Israel and the US.

This is 21 years old Keshet Kasrotti.

He was murdered at the Nova music festival, one of over 360 young people slaughtered there. His mom said that her one comfort, is that he was shot in the chest, so he died quickly. His suffering didn't last as long as it did for some. She also shared that many Israelis, upon hearing her son's first name (it means 'rainbow' in Hebrew) sent her this short poem by Neria Yaakov:

"I am breaking / said the light / and became a rainbow."

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #israelunderattack #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish

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cheesybadgers · 9 months

Text

Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 21)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo

Words: 7,356

Summary: After arriving in Manizales, Horacio introduces Javier to his family, leading to a long overdue heart-to-heart and a drinking game with a twist.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Discussions of coming out, grief, parental loss, canon-typical violence, allusions to period-typical prejudices, drinking game, smoking, swearing.

Notes: Firstly, I will soften the blow of leaving it so long since my last update with the news that chapter 22 will be posted within the next week or so! I decided to split it in half to give more space to the conversations between the characters. So, hopefully that will make up for my elongated silence lol.

Secondly, I finished drafting the rest of the fic at the end of last year 👀 So, I just need to complete editing on chapter 23 and the epilogue. Then, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, it will be time to leave these two messy idiots to it.

I think it will take me some time to get my head around it coming to an end, not least of all because it's been almost 3 years since I started working on this behemoth. And I can't believe how much has happened/changed since then, yet my love for this ship and this story has stayed strong and close to my heart. So, a bit of a premature thank you to anyone who has supported it at any point since March 2021, it's been quite the emotional rollercoaster ❤️ As always, I love hearing from my readers, so feel free to drop me a comment/message!

I’ve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested.

Chapter 21: For Old Times' Sake

A haze of mist hung low on the horizon, clinging to the rolling waves of verdant peaks that bled seamlessly together with worn asphalt until it was impossible to tell where the sky began and the earth ended.

Luckily, the tyres of the hire car were built for rougher terrain, and it wasn’t the first time Horacio had driven this route. Admittedly, it would have been easier to fly. But this had the added benefit of giving Javier a taste of undiscovered territory.

If truth be told, it gifted them more time to mentally prepare for what was getting closer with every hour that passed, each stop off to admire the view and refresh a stubborn way to prolong the status quo.

Progress had been slow for the last hour as the congested traffic crawled along the sharp angles of the road with its treacherous drops only a few inches away. They had come to a standstill behind a bus that allowed passengers off to take photos, and with little room to manoeuvre around the vehicle, a trail of cars had no choice but to wait.

Javier lounged back in the passenger seat, one foot resting on the opposite knee, his elbow leaning on the door, and the window half open.

He watched Horacio’s hands on the steering wheel alternate between clenching and tapping, a particular kind of rigidity returning to his jaw for the first time in months – if not years.

Javier made an executive decision by reaching into the glove box. He pulled out an emergency pack of cigarettes and a lighter they had stashed away before setting off from Medellín.

He lifted one out of the pack and sparked up. “So, did you say it’s a farm we’re heading to?” There was no point asking the obvious, so distraction it was.

“A coffee farm on the outskirts of the city, yeah. It belongs to Fabián’s family. He and his brother, Santiago, do the bulk of the work now their father’s winding down.”

“Sounds nice. And kinda familiar.”

Horacio’s eyes finally left the windshield and met Javier’s with a shadow of a smile. “Yeah, it does. A lot hillier than Texas, though.”

“Well, that wouldn’t be hard.” Javier held out his smoke across the car, their first one that wasn’t post-coital in a long time. But needs must.

Horacio apparently agreed as he accepted it with a huff of resignation. “Fine, one for the road.”

“I think it’s allowed on roads like this one.”

“I did warn you.”

“Hey, no, I like it. Keeps you on your toes.”

“It reminds me of when Papá drove us to visit Tia Salomé and Tio Jairo in Bogotá. He and Mamá let us have sweets for the long journey but warned us the Mareco would take them away if we didn’t behave.”

“The Mareco?”

“La Leyenda del Mareco. It was a story we were told as kids. The Mareco’s a red devil that looks like a lizard on two legs. He steals children’s candy and conjures up a whirlwind to blow them away if they don’t obey their parents.”

Javier nodded in recognition as Horacio passed their cigarette back. “La Llorona was the story used to scare me and my cousins.”

“Oh yeah, we got that one as well.”

“I gotta say, the Mareco explains a lot.”

“About what?”

“About how you developed a problem with authority.”

“What’s your excuse then?”

“What can I say? I was led astray.”

It was a blatant lie, but Javier didn’t care when it caused laughter lines to materialise in the corner of Horacio’s eyes.

“We both know you were drawn to it as much as you resented it.”

“Only where you were concerned. Anyway, you were just as bad even though you'd never admit it.”

“Maybe you were my exception too.”

A moment of silence fell as memory after memory collided, snapshots of how the push and pull between them had evolved with their relationship.

"Listen, I was thinking,” Javier started before taking a drag, “would it make things easier if you wore this? Just while we’re here, I mean.”

Horacio’s gaze drifted to Javier’s exposed skin, the taillights of the car in front catching on the crucifix at his chest. “No,” he said matter-of-factly. “It’s yours now.”

By the time their cigarette was finished, the traffic edged forward, and the road ahead and Javier’s hand on Horacio’s leg soon replaced conversation.

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Two and a half hours and several bursts of heavy rain later, the muddied hire car pulled up by a complex of buildings nestled amongst a sea of lush green and vibrant flowers. The buildings sat atop steep slopes of vegetation that led to the coffee plantations below, the foggy skyline above etched with rugged ridges and the ominous outline of Nevado del Ruiz in the distance.

Any sounds from life on a working coffee farm were drowned out by birdsong and their feet crunching beneath them as Horacio and Javier walked up the gravel path towards the main finca. It was typical in its style with a rustic tiled roof, whitewashed bricks and wooden pillars around its perimeter painted in the same shade of terracotta red as the doors and window frames. At the back of the property was a large garden with a patio area, pool and a spectacular view for miles on a clear day.

As they lugged their suitcases onto the porch, Alejandra waited to greet them at the front door. Her dark hair was styled in a bob with waves bordering on curls, the kind Javier imagined Horacio could grow if he wasn’t so insistent on keeping his hair short. At least since leaving the CNP, he had been less strict about cutting it.

The family resemblance between the two siblings was evident in their facial features, particularly in the shape of their noses, charcoal eyes and Cupid’s bows. But Alejandra was a few inches shorter, and her frame was slimmer on account of not carrying the same muscle as Horacio.

“The wanderer finally returns,” Alejandra announced as she pulled Horacio in for a long hug, neither of them keen to be the first to let go. “At least you remembered how to use the phone before turning up on my doorstep.”

“Of course. It's good to see you. But I am sorry I left it so long. There’s, erm…a lot to catch up on.”

“I’ll say.” She peered curiously behind Horacio. “But first, let me say hello to this handsome new face.”

She all but pushed Horacio to one side, forgoing any formal introductions he might have had planned. All Horacio could do was stand and watch two parts of his life converge that, for a long time, he believed would never – and could never – meet.

Javier had hung back by several feet, his hands self-consciously stuffed into the pockets of his jeans as he kept his eyes on the ground until he was spoken to.

“Hi there, I’m Alejandra. You must be Javier?”

“Oh, er, yeah, hi.” For reasons unbeknownst to Javier, he raised his hand in a stiff wave rather than the relaxed handshake he had planned and felt the heat instantly rise in his cheeks. “Pleasure to finally meet you. Beautiful place you’ve got up here.”

“Likewise. And thanks.” Much to Javier's relief, she took the lead and held out a hand for him to shake with a reassuring smile. “Although you’ve got Fabián to thank for that. He’s down there giving a tour to one of our new buyers.” Alejandra turned back to face Horacio. “Mamá’s shopping for school supplies and tonight’s dessert with Juan José, Sofía and Mateo. Ana María’s out with friends. But they should all be back in the next few hours.”

Horacio nodded but remained taciturn, keeping to himself his strong suspicions that Alejandra had made sure she was the only one to greet them upon arrival.

“Come on, you can show Javier around whilst I make us something to eat and drink.”

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It had been a long time since Horacio’s last visit, but he could just about remember the layout of the place. He took Javier through the downstairs rooms, moving from the hall to the living areas and then the kitchen, which appeared tidier now than in his dreams.

The décor was all tiled or wooden floors and earthy tones, contrasting against large airy windows that made the landscape outside seem like a part of the finca. Evidence of three generations and two cats was scattered everywhere in the form of toys, games, videos, tapes, books, various coffee products and photographs from over the years. In one corner stood a home altar containing a large crucifix, prayer cards, rosary beads, candles, and a statue of Virgen de Chiquinquirá. In the opposite corner was a shelf full of old vinyl with Lucho Bermúdez taking pride of place, naturally.

Upstairs housed six bedrooms and three bathrooms, on account of the brood of four children, three adults and a spare room. The spare room was their last stop, where they dumped their luggage, sharing an amused glance at the double bed with a smaller fold-out one laid out in the corner with a pile of fresh sheets.

“As your guest, I take it I get the bigger one?” Javier asked with a spark of mischief in his eye.

“Well, technically, I’m also a guest here. And I did do all the driving.”

“Maybe I’ll, er, flip you for it later.”

Horacio merely raised a brow at the suggestion in Javier’s tone before they headed back downstairs.

They sat under cover of the terrace in the wildly growing garden, just in case the rain returned, which was always a distinct possibility in Manizales. An impressive platter of fruits was laid out on the table alongside freshly made coffee.

“So, how was the wedding?” Alejandra asked as she poured from a pot into three cups, the dark, rich aroma diffusing into the same crisp air the beans were grown and harvested.

Horacio accepted a cup with a thanks and passed the other to Javier. “It was nice. Good to see everyone again.”

“How’s Trujillo doing? It’s been strange seeing his face all over the news.”

Rather than his, Horacio thought with a strange lurch to the gut he wasn’t expecting. “He’s doing well; he’s a Major now. He deserves some happiness after everything.”

“He’s not the only one.”

Alejandra gave Horacio a pointed look, one he wasn’t ready to entirely meet, so he reached for a slice of guayaba instead.

“And Javier...I take it this is your first visit to Manizales?” she continued, offering him the fruit tray.

“Thanks. And yeah, it is. Never got the time to explore much beyond Bogotá and Medellín.” That wasn't exactly true, but Javier didn’t think talk of Cartagena or Tolú would be welcome right now.

“Well, I hope it won’t be your last.”

Horacio could feel another look directed his way but pretended not to notice it and sipped on his coffee.

Once they had eaten their weight in fruit, Alejandra had some business calls to make, leaving Javier and Horacio to unpack and freshen up before reconvening to make a start on dinner.

Of course, it had to be sudado de pollo. Horacio and Alejandra worked as a team, issuing sporadic instructions to Javier when necessary. But he was happy listening to them catch up and reminisce.

“That smells amazing already,” Javier said as he finely chopped onions across a wooden board, gesturing to the dishful of chicken thighs that Alejandra had just finished marinating.

“Mamá’s secret blend,” she replied as she set the dish aside to move on to dicing several tomatoes.

“Oh yeah? What would I have to do to get the recipe for that?” Javier reflexively caught Horacio’s eye across the kitchen.

“If we told you, we’d have to kill you.” Horacio shot Javier a warning look that indicated he was only half joking before focusing intently on cutting up a large batch of yuca and potatoes.

“Yeah, not even Fabián knows.”

“Papá never knew either. But he was happy for us or Mamá to make it for him.”

“My Mamá was the same with her Abuela’s morisqueta. Although, not long before she passed, she left me and my Pops the recipe.”

Alejandra paused her knife to look up at Javier, the surprise on her face soon transforming into recognition and sympathy. “I bet it’s delicious. You should make it for us some time.”

Now it was Horacio’s turn to stop, his eyes travelling from Alejandra to Javier and back again as the implication of his sister’s words hung as heavy in the kitchen as the aromatic spices of her marinade.

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Once the chicken and vegetables were all prepped and placed in a pot on the stove, the front door opened and closed, a loud chatter of voices soon filling the hallway.

Before Javier knew what was happening, he was being introduced to the children, shaking hands with Fabián, then kissing Elena’s cheek.

“Welcome, Javier. It’s good to put a face to a name at last,” Elena said, thoroughly taking in his appearance, apparently satisfied with what she saw.

At last. Javier wasn’t sure whether those words put him at ease or made him more nervous, but he managed to push such thoughts behind a smile. “Nice to meet you, and likewise.”

Javier had briefly seen pictures of Horacio’s family in the past. But he, too, spent time studying Elena now that he was close enough to smell the floral notes of her perfume. Neat oval glasses and a mix of dark and light grey hair cut short and choppy framed her sharp features, the shape of her nose and Cupid’s Bow matching those of her children.

“No thanks to this one here, mind you.” Despite her chastisement, Elena embraced her son tightly, reluctant to let go. “I think he’s been hiding from us.”

“You know it wasn’t like that, Mamá.” Although, over his Mamá’s head, Horacio gave Javier a sheepish look that said otherwise. “It is good to see you. And I’m sorry I left it so long.”

Upon greeting his nieces and nephews, Horacio was struck by how much they had all grown up since his last visit. Ana María was the spitting image of her mother. Juan José was several inches taller than Horacio and resembled his father more than ever. And Mateo and Sofía had presumably become resentful of all the matching outfits in their younger years of being twins, going out of their way to dress as differently from each other as possible. Once they had said their obligatory hellos, they scattered around the house and no doubt wouldn’t re-appear until dinner was ready.

Right on cue, when Alejandra brought out steaming and brimming plates full of sudado de pollo, everyone rapidly took their places around the table.

Silence fell as they tucked in, the warmth and comfort of childhood cocooning Horacio from what he knew was inevitable. A welcomed interruption from his thoughts came with a soft brush against his leg, his instincts telling him it was one of the cats issuing their own greeting. But he should have known better.

As they ate and endured the usual family small talk, Javier's foot became Horacio's anchor, subtle and soothing rubs against his ankle unseen under the table. Steady, grounding, home.

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Horacio carried the last few empty plates to the kitchen, where piles of dishes were already stacked high. He had left Javier with Juan José and Mateo, who were showing off the latest video games they had got for Christmas – and were comfortably beating Javier at them, too.

“I’ll wash; you dry. For old times’ sake,” Alejandra said without looking up from the sink where she was filling the basin with water and suds.

“Okay. On the condition we both tidy everything away afterwards.”

“Deal. You’ll just put it in the wrong place unsupervised anyway.”

Horacio swatted the tea towel he’d picked up in her direction, only for her to retaliate by flicking bubbles in his hair.

“We did okay with dinner, didn’t we? I haven’t made that in a long time,” Horacio said.

“You had a good teacher.”

“So did you.”

“Oh, I know. I think that’s why Papá always loved it. We were all in there somewhere.”

“Like our Christmas tamales.”

“Oh, yeah, he couldn’t get enough of those. Remember we always had to make an extra batch for him to take to work?”

“He said they were to share with his unit, but I’m not sure many made it that far.”

Now they were laughing as they worked in tandem, Alejandra changing the water as Horacio cleared the draining board, ready for the next load.

“Did you ever feel like you let him down?” Horacio asked after a long silence, both siblings seemingly waiting for the other to fill it.

“Of course. You know Papá didn’t approve of Fabián at first, right?”

“What?”

“You must’ve heard the arguments?”

“To be fair, there were plenty of arguments between you and Papá.”

“Yeah, and they were mostly about me daring to marry someone other than a cop.”

“That’s what it was about?”

“Mostly. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Fabián; I just think he had suitors picked out for me. People he knew he could trust.”

“But they got along in the end, didn’t they?”

“Once Papá had got over himself, yeah.” Alejandra let out a nostalgic laugh, which Horacio quickly joined in with. “He could be tough when he wanted to be, but…he meant well,” she settled on. “Once he saw how happy I was and how Fabián had taken after his father with the farm, he came around. It was never personal with Papá. It’s just the way he was.”

“So, you don’t think he’d be disappointed in me…” Horacio paused to swallow, his throat drier than a Texan summer. “For quitting?” he got out eventually.

Alejandra gave Horacio a look he’d seen countless times over the years. One only a big sister could give her little brother when she had to feign ignorance of something she had already discovered for herself. The perks of being the eldest.

“How did you know?”

“Horacio, are you really asking that of someone who has been surrounded by cops all her life?”

Horacio rolled his eyes but let Alejandra have that one unchallenged.

“I thought you might have been discharged on medical grounds, to be honest. I hoped you’d seen sense. Or maybe met someone.”

“I wasn’t discharged, but I negotiated a payout after my injury.”

Alejandra released a self-satisfied hum, a whisp of a smile threatening to break free from the corners of her mouth. “Two out of three’s not bad, I suppose.”

Horacio gulped hard enough for Alejandra to hear; he had no doubt about that. But no words followed, not even when he caught her eye.

“You love him, don’t you?” It wasn’t an accusation or an interrogation. In fact, it was barely even a question.

“Yes.” It caught Horacio off guard how fast he answered. How direct and concise he’d been.

“And he loves you.” There was no pretence of a question mark now, but rather a clarification of a well-established fact. A rite of passage both parties needed to hear.

“He does.”

“Enough to walk away from it all, too.”

Horacio nodded, scared the lump in his throat would give way to something else as his glassy gaze met Alejandra’s.

“His father – Chucho – owns a ranch in Laredo, Texas. That’s where I went after…” he trailed off, not wishing to dwell on the finer details of the ambush. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I hated lying after everything we’ve been through. But I figured the less you and Mamá knew, the safer it was.”

“I had a feeling you’d left Colombia. But Texas?” Alejandra blew out a low whistle. “That’s the part we’ll need to prepare Mamá for.”

“They’re Mexican-American. And the ranch is right on the border by the river.”

“I’d lead with that part if I were you. Not sure you can avoid a lecture about fraternising with Spanish colonisers, though. Twice.”

“I got that the first time I moved over there. But she went quiet when I reminded her Madrid was good enough for Simón Bolívar.”

Alejandra’s shoulders shook in unison with Horacio’s until a comfortable silence fell between them.

“So, you were there a whole year?”

“Just over. I couldn’t do much to help for the first few months – whilst this healed.” Horacio flexed his right arm to prove to Alejandra that everything was back in working order. “But it was good to have a routine eventually.”

“Wait a minute…you worked on the ranch?”

“No need to sound so surprised when you live here. I was actually pretty good at it. And I liked it.” Although Horacio understood and returned his sister’s bemusement because even he had shocked himself.

“No, I’m not. It’s just…oh, Horacio...” Alejandra broke off to bring her hand to his cheek, her brow creased, but her eyes caught between being on the brink of a smile and tears. “Look at you.”

Horacio made a show of wiping away the suds from his cheekbone, hoping he wouldn’t still have an audience afterwards. But no such luck. “It’s not what I expected to happen – any of it. But it just....felt right. I know that probably doesn’t make sense.”

“Actually, it makes perfect sense.”

“Does it?”

“Well, for starters, I can see the appeal. Obviously. Can’t blame you for going for a younger man, either. And taller.”

Horacio rolled his eyes and hoped his face didn’t look as hot as it felt. “Not by that much. On either count.”

“Hey, no judgment from me. But seriously, of course, it makes sense. I know we all used to joke about you being married to your job, but…after Juliana, I did wonder if there was more to it than that.”

“I think burying myself in work killed two birds with one stone.”

“It was killing you.”

“I know.”

“And Papá would have told you the same.”

A hollow laugh escaped Horacio’s throat, Martínez’s words from the wedding still ringing intrusively in his ears. “I’d have been kicked out of the force. He’d have made sure of that. And I wouldn’t have blamed him.”

“Right, because you were the first officer on Colombian soil to commit violence or be used as a political weapon.”

“He was against it, Alejandra. La Violencia was enough for anyone to see in a lifetime.”

But that was just another in a long line of civil wars. Even if his father's life hadn’t been cut short, he would have seen yet another bloody outbreak in which the state did more to perpetuate the death toll than bring peace to the country. And Horacio had plenty of blood on his hands. At least his Papá was spared witnessing that.

“And you don’t think he was ever put in a compromising position back then? You don’t think La Violencia was why he didn’t want the same for you? You won’t remember much, and Mamá and Papá never spoke about it around us, but I got pretty good at listening through doors.”

“He never did talk about it. Even when I was older.”

Not that he really needed to, Horacio conceded. Even though they were kept relatively safe and away from the violence in Medellín compared to other regions of Antioquia – particularly the rural parts – he had heard enough over the years to fill in the blanks.

He remembered his Mamá’s stories of helping the displaced, those who sought refuge in the city. Thousands who had been forced to flee the violence and start over again, often in makeshift housing on the outskirts, the irony never lost on Horacio that one of those neighbourhoods became Comuna 13. But for all his Mamá’s tales and the work she continued to do until she left for Manizales, his Papá never spoke about those years.

“He was protecting you. Like Mamá was with us after he died. Sometimes silence is easier.”

“I know. I get it. Before he died, the cocaine trade hadn’t got going in Colombia yet. It was mostly marijuana. But with FARC around and the gringos spreading their anti-communist propaganda, he knew it was a question of when, not if, another war was coming. I think he hoped things would be different this time.”

“You did what you had to do, Horacio. Just like he did. Just like every generation of our family did to survive. What’s done is done.”

“I’m not sure you’d say that if you knew everything.”

“You think I never heard any of the rumours out here? Or picked up a newspaper once in a while?”

“You never said anything.”

Alejandra shot Horacio a cutting glare, the kind he was an expert at delivering, but only a select few could get away with throwing back at him. “I knew you wouldn’t talk about it even if I asked.”

Horacio scoffed. Touché. “Not all of it was true.”

It was Alejandra’s turn to laugh. “Well, I kinda figured you weren’t dead after you called.”

“I don’t just mean the ambush.”

“I know,” she said briskly.

But Horacio couldn’t ignore the relief in her body language. Even though he understood it, a wave of shame hit him for even planting a seed of doubt in her – his older sister, the mother of his nieces and nephews – mind in the first place.

“But that’s all in the past now,” he concluded, shutting down his own train of destructive thought. “And you’re right; Papá’s not here. But Javier is.”

“So your future’s in Laredo, then.”

“Are you mad?”

“Am I mad that my little brother is finally getting his shit together and is head over heels in love? Oh, yeah, I’m livid.”

An inferno had spread across Horacio’s cheeks, and he struggled to think of a response. But luckily for him, Alejandra wasn’t done yet.

“It’s…safe, though, right? For you both to live together?”

“As safe as anywhere else. Every country has its problems. I’m sure there’ll always be people with something to say. But we’ve been careful.”

“Just promise me you’ll keep being careful.”

“We will, I promise.”

“I can’t guarantee I’ll convince Mamá to visit in the summer, though.”

“That’s fair. But you do think she’ll want to visit?”

“She might be strong, but we know what she lost – what we all lost. So, if there’s a chance for you to share your life with someone as she did with Papá, to be safe – to be happy after everything – yeah, I think she'll want to visit.”

“Do you think Papá would if he could?” Horacio knew it was a loaded grenade of a question and unfair to ask. But he couldn’t help himself.

Alejandra hesitated, seemingly aware she was between a rock and a hard place. “Maybe in his old age. Or if he knew Javier saved your life.”

“How did –?”

She expelled a comedically dramatic sigh. “Keep up, manito. When you called, you told me the DEA came after you that night. I don’t need to hold a badge to guess who that was.”

Horacio was banged to rights once more as he tried to recall the exact information he had relayed to Alejandra in the hours after the ambush; evidently, it was more than he thought.

“He – and his partner, Steve – went against orders and got suspended for helping me and my men.”

“So, they took a leaf out of your book then?”

“Something like that.”

Before Horacio could overthink it, he took a deep breath and told Alejandra everything. From the blackmail to his and Javier’s resignations to their year in Madrid, it all came tumbling out whilst she kept washing and he kept drying. Just like old times. Just like their Papá was in the next room along with their Mamá. And in so many ways, he always would be, not as a ghost of their past, but forever a part of their present and future.

------------------------------------------------------

Arriving during the week had its advantages, as it wasn’t necessary for Horacio to make excuses to get an early night. Work and school beckoned in the morning for most of the household, so the evening had ended in a low-key fashion.

That was more than fine by Horacio after a long drive and an overdue heart-to-heart. He lay on his side, his back nestled into Javier’s chest in the centre of the spare room’s double bed. They made up the fold-out bed for pretences, but it was purely extra space to store their luggage.

A bedside lamp and hints of moonlight peaking around the edges of the curtains cast the room in soft shadows, the low murmur of a telenovela in one of the nearby bedrooms the only sound to be heard at this hour.

“How old were you there?” Javier asked, his voice muffled against Horacio’s shoulder where he’d temporarily paused his trail of kisses after picking out one of several framed photos on the wall.

“The one from Alejandra’s wedding? I’d have been 24.”

“Cute curls.” Javier’s nose nuzzled against the back of Horacio’s head, which was sadly lacking the same unruliness as in the photo.

“Fuck you.”

Javier sniggered. “Hey, I was being serious! They suit you. Plus…more to grab hold of.” He slid a hand into Horacio’s hair as his mouth resumed its work along bare skin.

Horacio’s back arched with a sigh as he leaned into Javier’s touch. “You know we can’t get carried away. Not here.”

“I know.” Of course, Javier understood. It was one thing for him to have sneaked in and out of the guesthouse back in Laredo; it was quite another to be under the same roof as Horacio’s whole family. But that didn’t stop the almost petulant tone in Javier’s voice. He was still human, after all.

“I promise we’ll make up for it once we leave.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Despite their flirtation, exhaustion was thick in their throats and pressed heavily on their limbs, pushing them closer towards sleep as the butterflies in their stomachs finally settled.

“The wedding wasn’t that long after Papá died. Alejandra asked me to give her away instead. At first, I didn’t think I deserved to take Papá’s place. But I think she needed me there with her, so, I said yes.”

“Of course you did, and I bet she never forgot that.”

“No, and I’ll never forget tonight."

------------------------------------------------------

It was still dark in the spare room when Javier stirred and untangled himself from Horacio as slowly as possible. He had woken up thirsty and threw on a precautionary pair of jeans before tiptoeing down the wooden staircase towards the kitchen.

The clock on the oven read 01:30am, so he wasn't expecting to find the spotlights above it switched on. He searched through the cupboards until he found a tumbler and filled it with water from the tap, taking large gulps until the glass was drained.

“So, you’re a night owl too, then?”

“Shit!” Javier hissed, spinning around with a sharp intake of breath, almost dropping the glass on the tiled floor.

“Sorry,” Alejandra whispered. “I was just reading before heading off to bed.”

“Oh, no, it’s fine. I just needed some water. Didn’t think anyone else would be up.” Javier was suddenly very aware of the fact he was standing half naked in the middle of the kitchen, Horacio’s necklace like a flashing beacon at his chest. “Obviously,” he added with an awkward huff, looking down at his state of semi-undress.

“Right,” Alejandra replied with a stifled laugh. “How about you avoid catching a chill whilst I find something a bit more…authentic than tap water?”

Once Javier came back downstairs with his chest now covered, Alejandra was sat at the kitchen table with two shot glasses and a bottle of aguardiente.

“Not sure my stomach can handle any more of that after the wedding.”

“Lightweight. And just think of it as an initiation.”

Javier sighed in defeat, accepting the challenge as he took a seat opposite Alejandra.

She unscrewed the bottle and tipped measures into each glass. “Wanna make this more interesting?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Three shots, three questions each. But you can only ask a question after you’ve emptied your glass.”

Javier laughed for a second, unsure what he imagined Alejandra to be like, yet somehow, she surprised him anyway. “Okay. Already sounds better than every other icebreaker inflicted on me. Who goes first?”

“Guest’s choice.”

He stared down at his glass as though it was the barrel of a gun, remembering why he had eventually insisted whiskey was his and Horacio’s go-to drink. When he first arrived in Colombia, Horacio would offer him a shot, pouring liberally from the stash of aguardiente in his office drawer, and Javier accepted on multiple occasions. But it was over and done with like a spoonful of caustic medicine. At least whiskey could be drunk slower and delayed saying goodnight.

That wasn't the order of things now, though. So, Javier grabbed the bull by the horns and threw back his glass, wincing at the aniseed burn as it slid down his throat.

“New rule: you’ve got 30 seconds to come up with a question. Otherwise, you take another shot.”

“Alright, alright, I’m thinking.”

Alejandra’s gaze fell on the oven clock, ramping up the pressure. “10 seconds left…”

“Okay. I’ve got one. What was it like growing up with a younger brother?”

“Annoying, obviously. Especially after he got the highest grade in his English class. I don’t know where he picked them up, but he knew all the swear words. Of course. He drove me crazy testing them out.”

“He did that to my old partner, Steve – his Spanish isn’t great, and Horacio sure liked to remind him whenever he got the chance.”

“Sounds about right. No wonder he liked you – best of both worlds.”

“Maybe.” Javier knew what Alejandra meant, but it didn’t stop heat from spreading through his cheeks regardless.

“He was generally pretty quiet at school,” Alejandra continued, "but not afraid to take the lead…or break a few rules.”

“Again, I’m not surprised.”

“Nope.” They both laughed at that. “He always liked to be moving, though. Doing something with his hands. Or playing sports – he was a good runner. We used to race each other around Jardín Botánico, and he would always beat me. I think he already knew he was in training for the Academy. So, obviously, he was accepted. No doubt some thought he got a free pass, but he was determined to prove himself. Then he had to grow up.”

The joviality faded abruptly from Alejandra’s face, transforming into a wistful smile.

“We both did. But at least I’d had more time with Papá. Good job I did have those few years to myself ‘cos Horacio followed him around like a shadow. Until he couldn’t. Then he thought he had to be the man of the house. Even when there were two much more qualified women for the job.”

“He thought it was his duty."

“Yeah. He did.” There was something akin to awe in how Alejandra looked at Javier, as though she was simultaneously taken aback and impressed that someone summed up and understood her brother so accurately and succinctly.

“Isn’t it your turn, now?” Javier asked after a moment of silence.

Without further hesitation, Alejandra downed her shot. “Why Colombia?”

“Why not Colombia?” He tried a feeble laugh but knew that wouldn't cut it. “I studied Gabriel García Márquez in high school. Although, can’t say I really got him at the time. Took me another try when I was older.”

Now he thought about it, Javier wasn’t convinced he exactly got him the second time around either, considering García Márquez’s views on extradition aligned fiercely with Horacio’s. But that was the luxury of hindsight.

“By then, my Mamá had long since passed, my fiancée had just become my ex, and I had no fucking clue what I was doing with my life. Guess I needed to get lost in someone else’s problems for a while.”

“Tell me about it.” Alejandra held a book up in the air that had been abandoned on the table since Javier joined her.

“Smart move. My teacher loved telling us how García Márquez moved to Mexico and wrote One Hundred Years of Solitude over there. And with how things went down in Laredo, I could see the appeal of starting over in another country. Mexico was…too close to home. The drug war was getting out of hand. More and more agents were being transferred. And what’s the line?” Javier broke off, eyes cast towards the ceiling as he licked his lips in concentration. “‘We came’, they said, ‘because everyone is coming’.”

Alejandra let a pause of bewilderment pass between them as she studied Javier with intrigue. “You’re not at all like the other gringos he’s worked with in the past.”

“Did he bring any of them home to his family?”

“No. You’re the first. As I’m sure you're aware.”

“Maybe.”

“Drink up.”

Javier did as he was told, repressing a cough as the potent liquid worked its magic. “Why did you choose farm life over being a cop?”

Alejandra laughed a little too loudly, considering the time. “There are other career choices, you know.”

Javier gasped. “There are?”

“Hard to believe, isn’t it? But that’s not quite how it went for me. The farm came with Fabián. They’re sort of a package deal. I’m sure you can understand that.” She threw Javier a knowing smile. “But I ruled out being a cop years before I moved here or met Fabián. I knew from Papá that women in the force were few and far between back then. They’re still pretty scarce now. I wasn’t up for putting myself in the firing line being a General’s daughter. They never would have respected me or believed I got there on my own merit. I didn’t want to spend my life trying to gain anyone's approval.”

“Makes sense. It’s not easy in the force if you’re…different from the rest."

“Exactly. I’m not sure it’s what Papá even wanted for me anyway. Because he knew what it’d be like. Then there was Mamá with her social work. She was in her element. Always fighting someone’s corner, especially during the suffrage movement. I think I was the odd one out in the family, ‘cos everyone else seemed to have…a calling except for me. So, I studied, got a business degree, became a buyer for various companies and ended up in the coffee industry. And the rest is history.”

“Good for you. And I guess that explains Horacio’s, er, distaste for a badly made cup of coffee.”

“Yep. He’s got no excuse. And neither do you anymore.”

“I’ll bear that in mind. Your turn.” Javier took the bottle this time and filled Alejandra’s glass.

She downed it in one go. “¿Por qué no un llanero ahora que has descartado ser policía?” (Why not a llanero now you’ve ruled out being a police officer?)

“¿Por qué no un vaquero?” (Why not a vaquero?) Javier corrected with a glint in his eye that Alejandra returned with an eye roll. “Like you said…there are other jobs. That one was just never for me. I need more variety day-to-day. Like I’m making a bigger difference somehow. But preferably without the pretty fucking significant risk of death or blackmail.”

“A fair demand.”

“Right? It’s not like I’m asking for a raise.”

“When I moved here, I didn’t know where life was taking me, especially when the kids came along. I couldn’t keep my old job because of all the travelling…and being a mother was the priority until they started school. It took me a while to find my place on the buying and selling side of the business. So, all I’m saying is, things might get clearer once you’re settled back in Laredo.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Javier raised his glass and nodded his thanks to Alejandra, touched by her unprompted advice.

His third and final question had arrived, and the pressure to make it a good one pressed uncomfortably on his increasingly fuzzy head. “If your father was here now, what would you say to him?”

For a brief second, Javier feared he had overstepped some forbidden and invisible line and been overfamiliar with someone he only really knew by proxy at this stage.

But whilst Alejandra’s smile was permanently stained with traces of grief, warmth flickered then grew in her charcoal eyes. “I’d tell him we’re fine. That we miss him and wish he’d come back for good but that he needn’t worry. Because even though Mamá didn’t always get things right, she steered us through it as best she could. And we didn’t turn our backs on the world. That we found love in the dark.”

Alejandra sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her nose. “Sorry. I think it’s the alcohol.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Javier paused to clear his throat, blinking his vision back into focus. “It was beautifully said.” His hand reached for hers across the table, hoping again that he hadn’t gone too far.

But she let his hand rest there until she shook her head like a wet dog and poured her final shot. “Same question to you about your mother, obviously,” she said before downing the aguardiente in one.

Javier scoffed. “Well, I guess I deserved that.” He took his time, collecting his thoughts as though he was preparing an important speech. As though he’d been trying to find the right words for most of his life – and how rarely he’d succeeded.

“I’d tell her I miss her morisqueta. I’d tell her Pops visits her every week. But then I think she already knows that. Same way I think she made sure he never re-married.”

Javier couldn’t help but laugh, seeing with perfect clarity where his own loyal streak came from when his Pops was still as devoted to Mariana as the day they married. Siempre tuyo was no exaggeration.

“I’d make sure she knew he wasn’t alone, though. That he was known as Don Chucho to most in Laredo. That she’d be proud of him for growing the community she helped start. I’d brag about all the tamales we’ve made and quote her favourite poems. I’d introduce her to Horacio.”

He envisaged showing her Horacio’s poetry book, knowing that all it would take was for her to read Javier’s message in the opening pages to understand everything about who they were to each other. He’d even dreamed of it, waking with a ridiculous hope that she had somehow intercepted it.

“She sounds as incredible as your father. I hope one day I can thank him for taking my little brother under his wing when he needed it the most.”

“I’m sure that could be arranged.”

“I can’t – and don’t want to – imagine where he would have ended up without either of you, to be honest. He told me about the ambush…and everything else. And even though it doesn’t feel nearly enough, I just want to say...thank you.”

At first, Javier could only nod and swallow the lump bobbing at the base of his throat. “He did the same for me. It wasn’t easy walking away from my job, don’t get me wrong, but it was different for him. He felt like he’d betrayed Colombia and his Papá. Yet he did it anyway.”

“When it’s the right person, the sacrifices are worth it. And I can’t think of anyone more worthy of wearing that.” Alejandra’s sightline had fallen to Javier’s neck. His chest may have now been covered, but the silver chain still poked out from beneath the seam of his shirt.

She poured them a bonus shot each and raised her glass. “Welcome to the family.”

#Narcos fic #Narcos #Javier Peña #Horacio Carrillo #Carrillo #Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo #Pedro Pascal #Maurice Compte #Narcos fanfic #Narcos fanfiction #Narcos fan fic #My Fan Fic #My Narcos Fic

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