#it was actually a little bit more epic than in the movie somehow??

[aarchimedes]

officially halfway through fellowship of the ring for the first time :)

[thefreakandthehair]

@eddiemonth prompt, oct 19th: Scifi/tech | Electric Eye - Judas Priest | Bewildered a/n: eddie pov, eddie & dustin friendship, dustin & steve friendship, and an excuse for me to weasel one of my favorite steve headcanons into something. un-betaed because I'm challenging myself to write these in under an hour. read on ao3 + masterpost | tumblr masterlist

After his release from the hospital and the unfortunate news that his trailer had been destroyed, Eddie goes from functionally homeless to having multiple spaces that feel like home. 

He’s been all but adopted by Claudia at this point, an offer extended immediately after hearing the version of the story everyone’s agreed upon— that the ground split open and Eddie nearly ate it pushing Dustin out of the way. It’s not quite the truth, but the theme is the same and anyone who’s willing to sacrifice themself for her son is welcome any time. 

Especially when he’s been called upon to help with Dustin’s science fair project. It’s out of Eddie’s league a bit, the actual science part, but he and his mechanical brain prove helpful. Kinda nice, actually, to use those hotwiring skills for good. 

Of course, it also helps that the government set him and Wayne up in a modest two bedroom house down the road, and that Eddie can practically smell Claudia's cooking when the windows are open. Like Garfield, he’s drawn to the Henderson house with the scent of a fresh lasagna. 

Bellies full and completed project sitting confidently on the kitchen table for tomorrow, they’re watching Star Wars movies in Dustin’s living room, one after another, and he feels just a touch like a traitor. Star Trek will always have his heart and Wayne can never know. 

“How’d you get into Star Wars anyways?” Eddie asks, sprawled across Dustin’s couch. 

“Can you believe Steve actually got me into them?” Dustin replies, curled up on the recliner. 

There’s an infinite number of ways a child might be introduced to the Star Wars franchise— a parent, a trailer before another movie, a carrier pigeon dropping a flier at their fucking feet— and they’re all more believable than Steve Harrington introducing Dustin Henderson to the sci-fi epic. 

“I’m sorry,” Eddie turns with wide eyes and a crooked grin to face Dustin. “What?”

“I know, right? It was uh, okay this is a little embarrassing.” Dustin cuts himself off, justifying some secret Eddie somehow hasn’t been told yet. 

He knows about the Mind Flayer and the Russians, and all the other Dungeons and Dragons lore that’d lived beneath his feet for years. What could possibly be left to make Dustin cringe like that? 

“Oh, do tell.” Eddie raises an eyebrow and gestures with an arm towards the expanse of space between them. “Floor is yours, young Bard. Spin the tale.”

Dustin rolls his eyes and throws popcorn at him. He tries to catch it in his mouth but he’s never been that coordinated. 

“It’s not really a tale. A few years ago, there was this school dance, the Snow Ball. I got all amped up, Steve helped with my hair, and then the night was a total fucking dud. Nancy danced with me which was like, super awesome of her, but I felt like shit after anyways.”

Eddie listens with rapt attention, pissed off that Dustin had such a relatable middle school experience and intrigued at this new sliver of Steve lore. Not that he cares. Obviously. Why would he? The idea of Steve helping Dustin get ready for the Snow Ball doesn’t conjure up words like adorable at all. 

He nods him on. 

“And uh, I called Steve the next day. He came over and we had pizza and he brought some of his favorite movies he thought I’d like. Star Wars had spaceships so obviously, easy choice. And here we are now with Return of the Jedi.” 

Okay, yep, that’s gonna be hard to tamp down the next time he sees Steve. Stomping his ill-advised crush into the ground beneath his Rebooks has been hard enough but now? Motherfucker. 

It’s also not lost on him that Dustin chose these movies today. Eddie feels like he’s stepping into some tradition that doesn’t belong to him, but he can’t squash the kid’s enthusiasm with his own insecurity. 

Instead, Eddie goes for the low hanging fruit.  

“Wow. Gotta tell you man, that’s maybe weirder than finding out about the monsters and shit. Steve’s favorite movie is Return of the Jedi?” 

Dustin snorts and laughs, toothless and free. Happiness isn’t new for Dustin, not anymore, but it’s still nice to see after all they’ve been through. 

“Well, that’s one of them. He always calls it ‘the ones with the teddy bears’, so people assume he means Return of the Jedi. But I know the truth. That dork loves Caravan of Courage.”

Eddie flips through his mental catalog of sci-fi movies and lands on a VHS cover: a couple of humans, a few Ewoks, and something that looks like a machine gun. If he remembers correctly, it has something of a cult following but wasn’t touted as a high point in the series. 

… And it’s Steve’s favorite. The one with the teddy bears. 

“Wait… what?!”

[turtle-bun]

“This iteration of the Turtles and this iteration of the Turtles wouldn’t get along cuz of this!” “These two iterations wouldn’t get along because of that!”

FUCK YOU THEY ARE ALL BEST FRIENDS THAT SUPPORT EACH OTHER CUZ I SAY SO!!

(Please note I wrote this BEFORE watching Mutant Mayhem which is why they aren’t in it. I just forgot to post it lol 😅)

Rise!Leo: You all are so stern and serious. I feel like I should start being more stern and serious. Should I?

BatmanVs!Leo: Please don’t, it’ll be hell on your already waning mental health. /hj

Bayverse!Leo: I feel we need at least one funny Leo to break up the collective seriousness of the rest of us.

87 Leo: I thought me and my brothers counted as the “funny” version of all of us?

12 Leo: You guys are more of a “silly” version of us…sillier? Like the concept of turtles being ninjas is already silly as it is. Which there is nothing wrong with that, just that your cartoon logic is just very hard to keep up with sometimes.

87 Leo: That’s understandable.

Mirage Leo: I’m just jealous that you all get to be in color. Black and white gets so boring once you learn there’s color!

07 Leo: But your universe does have this cool graphic design to it that I’M very jealous of.

03 Leo: Of course, you fucking would be you dramatic edgelord. /j

07 Leo: I know the fucking EMO of the group did not just call me an edgelord! /j

Rise!Leo: Omg we love an E-girl!

12 Leo: *wheeze of laughter*

---

87 Raph: I just don’t think it’s fair that you guys get to be tall, is all! It’s discrimination! /hj

12 Raph: Practically working against your own kind! /j

Rise!Raph: *snorts* I don’t think that’s a bodily function we can control you guys!

Bayverse!Raph: It was a conscious decision on my end.

Rise!Raph: *chokes with laughter*

87 Raph: You goddamn bastard! /j

Bayverse!Raph: Cope and seeth my dude.

07 Raph: Now look, 87 I know it’s very difficult, especially for you, but we gotta be the bigger person here.

87 Raph: I will kick your goddamn ass, kid!

03 Raph: Well, good for you in being the bigger person. I will continue to be small and petty my entire life!

*Collective snorting laughter from all Raphs*

87 Raph: No, no, wait! You are not allowed to be funnier than me!

03 Raph: Tough break, shorty, I have to have SOMETHING other than punching shit.

87 Raph: Take up knitting! I don’t care! Just keep away from my bit! That’s like my entire personality! /hj

03 Raph: See you joke about that but I am fucking GREAT at knitting!

Bayverse!Raph: Amen to that! I ain’t spend half my damn life in the Hashi and NOT be able to knit a fucking epic scarf!

---

07 Donnie: Are you saying I worked a 9 to 5 job FOR NOTHING!

BatmanVs!Donnie: I honestly did not think that embezzling funds from rich corporate assholes plus the Shredder and his Foot Clan was an actual option we had!

12 Donnie: I am actually so mad that I did not think of that!

Rise!Donnie: Honestly, I didn’t think of it until like a few years back because our dad is still, somehow, getting royalties from his Lou Jitsu movie days. But I also have expensive taste in equipment and needed a little pocket change.

03 Donnie: I could have actually bought a Play Station when it came out instead of having to fix up the broken one Mikey found in the dump!

87 Donnie: I’m just now realizing how much stuff we had to make from scratch just because we couldn’t afford it.

Rise!Donnie: That’s true. But like also you guys still made a bunch of cool stuff with JUST junk you found! That’s amazing!

Bayverse!Donnie: Thanks but we could have made even cooler stuff if we had your type of funding. I mean, look at this shit! *excitingly pointing at Rise!Donnie’s battle shell*

Rise!Donnie: Please understand that YOU have made holo-screen, intercom, wrist watches, that connect to your motherboard home computer. All of which you MADE WITH JUNK! How is that not amazing?!

07 Donnie: Amazing for you probably. But if I were to do that shit myself I wouldn’t sleep for a week!

BatmanVs!Donnie: I second that! One sugar daddy please!

Rise!Donnie: *wheeze of laughter*

---

03 Mikey: I still can't believe you met freaking BATMAN! Like holy shit dude!

12 Mikey: *sobbing* I’m so jealous! I’m forever jealous!

BatmanVs!Mikey: Yeah, it was pretty cool. But YOU (03 Mikey) met the entire Justice Force! And became a member! Your legacy was so awesome Silver Sentry’s grandson took up your name!

03 Mikey: Yeah but you road in the BATMOBILE and got to press all the buttons!

Bayverse!Mikey: *sulking on the floor* LIFE ISN’T FAIR AND I HATE IT HERE!

Rise!Mikey: *pouting* I never get to meet my heroes! And when I do they turn out to be insane!

12 Mikey: Bro same! Chris Brandford was just a giant jerk!

87 Mikey: Bugman was pretty cool, though maybe a little weird. Still, he was no Justice Force or Batman!

07 Mikey: *whining* I just want the life you have! Why does god ALWAYS have favorites?!

Ronin!Mikey: *dramatic sigh of jealousy* He truly does.

[adamwatchesmovies]

The Bad Guys (2022)

The Bad Guys falls just short of being an evergreen, newly-minted animated classic. The visuals are dynamic, the characters memorable, there are plenty of big laughs, the voice acting is terrific and the dialogue is a joy to listen to. It becomes a bit conventional towards the end but that’s hardly a deal-breaker; more of a demonstration of how good the rest of the movie is.

In a world where humans and anthropomorphic animals co-exist, Mr. Wolf (voiced by Sam Rockwell) is the head of "The Bad Guys". With Mr. Snake (Marc Maron), Mr. Shark (Craig Robinson), Mr. Piranha (Anthony Ramos) and Ms. Tarantula (Awkwafina), there’s nothing they can’t steal and no situation they can’t escape from. When their luck finally runs out, Wolf convinces state governor Diane Foxington (Zazie Beetz) and Police Chief Misty Luggins (Alex Borstein) they can change their ways.

From the opening scene, you know this movie will be something special. We begin with Mr. Snake and Mr. Wolf talking in a diner and their dialogue feels like a deleted scene from Pulp Fiction. From there, we meet the delightfully nasty crew. Well, I say nasty, but they’re more mischievous than “bad”. Or maybe it’s just that the characters are so charming you give them all a pass. I’m sure guinea pigs would have a very different opinion of Mr. Snake than me, for example. That brings us to an aspect of this world that’s a lot of fun: the loose “rules”. In films like Zootopia or Cars, the societies have clearly been hammered out by the development team but a part of you still wonders about food, cattle, the world’s history, etc. In The Bad Guys, there are anthropomorphic animals and “real” animals, both Mr. Shark and Mr. Piranha can breathe air and few aspects of day-to-day life are sized for Ms. Tarantula. It's like "Rules? What rules?" but the story is too funny for you to stop and think about any of that. Mr. Shark, for instance, is a master of disguise but he’s clearly terrible at it - being, you know, a big shark walking around on two legs. Somehow, he still manages to fool everyone, despite always choosing the most outlandish disguises and ridiculous characters to portray. It makes no sense, but it makes for all sorts of surprises, each funnier than the last. You can just tell everyone involved in this film had a great time thinking of visual gags and little moments that would flesh out the characters. Some are more developed than others but all of the villains feel integral to their team.

Visually, The Bad Guys has a lot to offer. The animation is sort of a blend between traditional 2D and the more recent, more experimental style we saw in Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse, with the action scenes being the stand-outs. Mr. Wolf is the leader, the dedicated pickpocket and the getaway driver. There are at least three big chase scenes with so many pieces moving you can hardly keep track of them all. None of the action is actually disorienting; it just distracts you enough for you to be surprised by the punchlines.

Following the Bad Guys as they come up with plans, execute them, improvise on the fly when things don’t go right, show off their charms (you can sense there’s a bit of a something-something about to go on between Mr. Wolf and Diane Foxington), and prove why they’ve never been caught before is so much fun it’s a shame the movie eventually has to follow a more standard plot. I’m not complaining that they eventually get caught, or that they have to pretend to be good to fool Professor Marmalade (Richard Ayoade). All that’s enjoyable, particularly the scenes where the thieves have to fight their animal instincts to make their ruse convincing. My criticism for The Bad Guys, my only criticism, really, is that eventually, we have to have a big, epic conclusion with a bigger, meaner villain than the villains we’ve been following this whole time. I wish the film had taken a few more cues from Ocean’s Eleven and just had them wipe the smug look off of someone’s face than use their very particular set of skills to essentially turn into conventional heroes. It’s a small gripe. Ultimately, this is a delightful picture. Fast-paced, smartly written and most importantly, hilarious.

The Bad Guys is an animated film the whole family can enjoy. Adults, in particular, will laugh hard at the way the film takes inspiration from movies children would normally have no interest in (and shouldn’t watch anyway) and makes them fit in this world of talking animals. Kids will have a blast too. If this gets a sequel (the mid-credit scene hints at more to come) and the writers decide to take a few more chances, I could see myself giving it an even better score than the 4/5 I’m awarding The Bad Guys. (July 25, 2023)

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: The Croods: A New Age

So back when I watched the first entry in The Croods series, I was actually pretty plesantly surprised. But believe it or not, this movie managed to surprise me even more, because not only is it good, its actually, like... really good?? Shocking, I know, so let's get into why I think that.

We rejoin the Croods as they continue on their quest for a new home, eventually crossing paths with the Bettermans, a much more "advanced" family that's just a little more evolved than they are. Initially disliking the chaos the Croods bring to their family and their home, the Bettermans devise a plan to get rid of the cavefamily, while convincing Guy to stay, as his family was friends with the Bettermans and they see him as a perfect match for their daughter, Dawn. From there, well, damn a whole bunch happens, with lots of twists and turns I wasn't expecting as these two incredibly different families buck heads and learn to accept each other.

So yeah, the plot here is pretty solid and very character focused, which is probably why I liked it so much. Like we really do just have so much emphasis on character interactions and dynamics here, with some really great standouts being Dawn and Eep's friendship (they're lesbians, harold) that could have just as easily been a jealous rivalry for Guy, but isn't, the eventual epic bromance between Phil and Grug, Ugga and Hope initially hating each other but eventually coming to terms with each other, Gran just being The Character Ever, and so much more. There's a lot going on here, but there's so much to like about it! I'm impressed!

So yeah, speaking of the characters, I already liked the Croods family in the first movie, but they're even better here. Grug is still the typical overprotective dad trying to keep the family together, but he's way less overbearing about it than he was in the first movie. We also see some good progression in Eep and Guy's relationship, and I think they're a pretty cute and solid couple! The Bettermans are also a lot of fun! Phil and Hope start out as sort of selfish, manipulative jerks who just want the Croods out of their lives, but they go through some pretty solid development and learn to appreciate the Croods and welcome them into their home. Dawn is also a lot of fun, a girl who has spent her life living on the safe side, so of course, she readily takes Eep up on the offer to have some fun the first chance she gets.

The movie doesn't have much in the way of an antagonist, aside from the punch monkeys, which are a pretty funny final act obstacle for the families to overcome. Really though, the conflict here really does center on the friction between the Croods and the Bettermans, and the film does such a great job of developing that friction and naturally bringing both families to a good place with each other.

The humor here is also a lot better than the first movie's. Sure, there's still a handful of grossout jokes here and there, but a lot of the jokes here just come from the characters being themselves (like I said, Gran is a standout for the Crazy Old Lady trope, and also, a total badass in her own right). I think that tends to be my favorite kind of humor with Dreamworks movies, when the jokes lean on these characters reacting to situations in their own unique, humorous way.

The animation has also been stepped up here quite a bit. The character designs look better somehow, and the movement they have to them is very fluid. The film is just bursting with color throughout, with set pieces that are just as creative and pretty to look at as the first film's. The music was pretty average, but I'm fine with that because I was so impressed with everything else.

So yeah, Croods 2. Who could have guessed this was a surprisingly great movie? I certainly didn't, I went into this movie with the barest expectations possible and came out having thoroughly enjoyed it. I earnestly recommend it for anyone who's looking for a fun film with a good story and great characters. It may just surprise you, like it surprised me.

Overall Rating: 8/10

Verdict: LET'S GO LESBIANS LET'S GO

Previous Review (Trolls World Tour)

Next Review (Spirit Untamed)

[haljathefangirlcat]

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “Beowulf” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

literal years later, when I least expected it: dude I swear I just saw Cain's spawn lurking in the fens

My buddy the narrator pacing: Hrothulf is plotting against his uncle

The thing about Beowulf is... I never quite got the hype about it. (Yes, we're not Supposed to use words like "hype" about world literature Classics, especially from ancient times, or to make light of them in general. Shut up and contemplate the fact that social media posts expressing nothing more than personal opinions and feelings aren't generally meant to be the same thing as academic work to be shared between academians in an academic context.) Ofc, I understood its historical value, including in terms of linguistics and philology. But in terms of "would I pick this as reading material to obsess and fall into a research hole over"? Despite trying a few times, I never quite got past ALL the references to God every other line. ("Snorri was an Evil Zealot who set out to knowingly and purposefully Christianize Norse mythology For The Evulz" crowd, I will tattoo each and every single one of those all over your body so you can't look into a mirror without accidentally reading one ever again.) The apparently disjointed "Beowulf fights Grendel and then Grendel's mother in Denmark. Years later, after going back to Sweden and becoming king, he also fights a dragon but this time he dies" narrative didn't really appeal to me, either. Nor did the presence of (afaik) exactly one (1) named female character. (Wealhtheow, babe, in hindsight I'm so sorry.)

I'm not sure what changed, exactly. It's just that, some time ago, I finally got around to reading Grendel by John Gardner, and I loved it and thought "wow, this would have made me either bawl my eyes out or stare off into space for like five-to-ten minutes after finishing it, had I read it as a teen." And after that, I found myself thinking "well, now I should probably get to know know the original story," and finally picking up my copy of Tolkien's translation of Beowulf, and realzing there actually was a lot going on in the story, and getting way too engaged in the looming "Hrothulf kills Hrothgar's kids" subplot that doesn't even really resurface in any later material about Hrolf Kraki (though those aren't exactly free from fucked-up family dynamics, either...), and going "!!! Volsungar mention!!!!" at the bit about Sigemund and Fitela despite already knowing about the Sigemund and Fitela bit and the whole "who actually killed the dragon first/in which tradition" question, and losing my mind at the bit about Hama and the "necklace of the Brosings" and "Eormanaric's hate" because, yeah, I already knew about that one, too, kind of, but recently I've gone into a little bit of a Brisingamen deep-dive, and a while ago I read a really interesting commentary and translation of the Hildebrandslied that had quite a lot to say not just about the specific hatred/enmity of a powerful king for an adventurous hero but also about the shift from Odoacher to Ermanric as Dietrich' von Bern's enemy, which ofc (?) got me thinking about Eormanaric/Ermanric/Jormunrek's apparent widespread reputation for being an asshole, something there probably has to be some accessible paper in English about somewhere out there...

Ahem. Anyway, I also found myself alternating reading Tolkien's translation with watching Grendel Grendel Grendel, the weird and very simplified and toned down but still somehow very enjoyable and sad kids' movie adaptation of Gardner's Grendel. And Beowulf & Grendel, the one without any magic where Grendel's a traumatized Neanderthal on a quest of vengeance that's somehow also quite a good watch despite the wonky editing, the cast and crew being possibly cursed by the Norse gods, and ofc, the time-displaced Neanderthals. And Animated Epics: Beowulf, which I might have actually watched once as a child, thinking about it. And Simon Roper and Jackson Crawford's read-along, featuring interesting linguistic, literary, and historical notes as well as Australian!Hrothgar, Beowulf making it exceedingly clear that "some of my best friends are Danes!", and some unforgettable exchanges such as "I used to tell my students the story about that time I almost drove off a cliff when they were worried about their exams to make them undestand that I, too, had experienced the fear of death :|" "I'm glad you didn't perish :)" "Thanks. :|" (I'm on the Fits 8-11 video, btw. Even if, when it comes to Tolkien's translation, I'm already at the part where Beowulf says goodbye to Hrothgar and sails back to the land of the Geats. Look, I remebered thos videos existed somewhat belatedly.)

I think eventually I might also end up rewatching The 13th Warrior (which I'm gonna go out on a limb and say might be the true origin of the ahistorical Neanderthals in Beowulf & Gredenl, but I remember liking that one, too). And Outlander (my beloved "aliens crash-land in Viking Age Scandinavia and fight each other while being Sad & Tragic in their own ways" one, not the Scottish one) but specifically as a Beowulf reimagining this time around (rather than as "the movie that could have totally had the Brooding Hero, Fiery But Sweet Warrior Woman, and Hotheaded Rival-Turned-Friend invent modern polyamory, because that wouldn't have been weirder than having a character called Boromir" like every other time). Maybe that weird post-apocalyptic Beowulf that was the first to do the "Grendel's mom's got it goin' on" thing, too, at least if I can find that snarky review of it on Youtube again. Probably not the Uncanny CGI Desperately Trying To Be Live-Action 20O5 Beowulf where the titular hero keeps screaming "BEOWULF!!" and "I'M BEOWULF!!!" just in case the audience's intelligence levels can't be considered to be above the average rock's, and that also decided to add a foot fetish/body paint kink note to its cover of Grendel's Mom, though, unless I can find any snarky review of it. (I remember reading somewhere that the director actually hated Beowulf, as in the poem itself, and accepting the bit of info without question. The high heels-shaped feet are just one of the reasons why I wonder if anyone ever asked him if perhaps he hated women, too. At least his work supposedly contributed to the writers of Outlander being told "there's already too many Beowulf movies coming out!" and going "whatever, we're gong to do our own thing! With blackjack and hookers aliens and shieldmaidens", so I should probably thank him for that.)

Unfortunately, while I'm pretty sure I'll be able to avoid writing down a list of Adaptations I Absolutely Need To Check Out One Day Or I'll Die (i.e. Every Single I've Ever Heard About) like I did for The Nibelungs In Their Every Possible Form, all of this had the unforeseen side effect of reminding me that, even when I didn't have much if any interest in Beowulf, I used to have a bit of soft spot for Unferth. I mean, how could I not, when I imprinted on Hagen von Tronje when I was eleven-years-old? Give me a guy who knows all of The Hero's heroic deeds and still doesn't find him all that impressive from their very first meeting, and I'll just "👀" at him. Though from what I knew, this guy in particular seemed to go against his character type by becoming more friendly with the hero and lending him his ancestral sword, which seemed pretty interesting. Especially because he was apparently a fratricide, too? And you wouldn't expect a guy who killed his own brothers and got a "... and that's why you'll go to Hell!" by The Hero over it to have any kind of redemption arc/sudden reveal of hidden depths in any positive sense. And there was also that paper (which, ofc, I didn't bookmark at the time, and now I want to kick myself for that until I remember the title or at least the author...) arguing that maybe him telling off Beowulf about the swimming race was less about him as a person and more about him having a specifc role among the thanes in Heorot that included testing strangers requesting to speak with Hrothgar to figure out if they really were who they claimed to be or if they could actually live up to their reputation...

Again, I blame John Gardner, at least in part. He has a really crunchy Unferth, who definitely reawakened my interest in the character. The on in Grendel Grendel Grendel wasn't half-bad, either, though very different in some respects. But the original, too, ended up being actually so much more fun (meaning, so much more to chew on/rotate in my mind) than I could have imagined from my vague memories.

First you've got the iconic "didn't you look like a total loser against Breca, and isn't that literally all there is to know about you?" "shut up, you're drunk, a kinslayer, someone I have never heard anyone tell heroic tales about, and also, maybe if you were braver Grendel wouldn't keep eating you guys" banter, and I'm starting to realize that might be already more juicy, in terms of both Beowulf's and Unferth's characterizations and their interactions together, than I ever thought it was. Then you've got a line that sounds an awful lot like "everyone could see Grendel's severed arm hanging from the ceiling and that shut Unferth up" and seems to imply some sort of lingering bitterness on Unferth's side when Heorot is in the middle of the celebrations for Grendel's death. But then Unferth actually starts being described in much more favorable terms, almost as if the narrator were pointing out that, despite what the audience might think after his first appearance, there's a reason he's close to Hrothgar and has a good place in his hall... even if at the same time Unferth's praised for his "mighty heart" (something quite different from cowardice), wisdom, and the trust everyone in Heorot apparently has in his mind, there's actually another reference to him having had no mercy for his relatives "in the play of swords" in the past. (Fun little detail: that line comes right after one to the effect of "Hrothgar and Hrothulf were there and no betrayal had yet happened between them"...)

Until, finally, you get Beowulf preparing to go fight Grendel's mother and Unferth giving him his family's swords, Hrunting. And all kinds of entertaining things happen in relation to Hrunting.

You've got Unferth not remembering his first words to Beowulf because he was just really, really, really drunk when he said them, which seems to go well with Beowulf himself calling out his speech as a drunken boast but not with the "that shut him up" line I mentioned before. (Which leads me to wonder: was he actually too drunk to know what he was saying? Or did Beowulf give him an easy out in case he regretted it, which Unferth eventually chose to take to try and smooth things over?) You've got Unferth being "mighty of valour" yet not daring to go after Grendel's mother himself and "forfeiting glory" while giving his weapon to a "worthier" warrior, but his sword getting some lengthy praise nonetheless, to the point of being basically deemed infallible, and Beowulf not only not making any more comments on Unferth's supposed lack of bravery but calling him a man of "wide renown", praising his sword some more, vowing to succeed in his heroic feat with Hrunting or die trying, and telling Hrothgar that no matter what happens, Unferth must get it back when it's all over. And after that... you've got Hrunting utterly failing to kill or even harm Grendel's mother.

Except, that's literally the first time it ever fails at anything? And Beowulf can only kill Grendel's mother when, with the help of God, he finds a magical sword forged by giants, which implies there was no problem with it (and, by extension, with Unferth?) as the whole situation simply needed a little something extra to be dealt with?

Then, you've got Beowulf actually bringing Hrunting back, even if it wasn't much use to him when it really mattered. And praising it again, making sure to publicly clarify, while addressing Hrothgar himself, that no, it really is an excellent sword. And, after some more "the monster is dead!" celebration, Unferth himself (unambiguously "bold", now) having the sword brought over again not just to lend it Beowulf, but to gift it to him.... a weapon that is both nothing to sneeze at and, as Beowulf himself has acknowledged while praising it, a family heirloom. (From a guy who probably already has enough complicated feelings about his family without running around giving that kind of stuff away, to boot!) One Beowulf accepts once more, and gladly, already figuring it will be "a good friend in war, a power in battle" and saying absolutely nothing bad about it (the narrator goes "oh he's so gallant!" at him after that bit, which is admittedly kind of hilarious in itself, but still, imho, not really much to go on if you want to think he's not being sincere) right before he announces his intentions to sail back home.

I'm gonna be honest: I had already read most fics tagged Beowulf/Unferth on AO3 before this Beowulf binge. And now, I've gone and reread them. I've actually read the ones I'd missed the first time around, too. Not that it took me much time at all, but still. WildandWhirling has two really lovely ones. This innuendo-heavy one is a delight to read, too.

I think I might end up writing at least one more. Maybe canon!verse, if I manage not to spiral into researching Old English attitudes to homosexuality, or maybe Modern!AU, if I manage to find a good way to transliterate "sailing off to another country to slay monsters" in this century in a convincing way. Even just to have more than six works in the tag itself. But we'll see...

I suppose, in the end, the whole point of this random, almost stream-of-consciousness post (besides freeing up my head from at least some of my recent Beowulf thoughts) might have turned out to be just that, no matter who they are, fangirls will, indeed, always make them gay. (... I say, as if this was a surprise and I didn't already ship a number Nibelungenlied-and-adjacent gay ships I got into way before any of this.) It wasn't its original purpose but *shrug* I'll take it.

Then again... come on. All that talking about swords. *grin*

[beanbeansson]

hi!

i’m bean :)

if you actually wanna know stuff about me then it’s under the cut, otherwise have a nice time on ma blog

i’m aroace, and specifically aegosexual and something very similar to bellusromantic but i don’t like that word much for some reason (i’m working on it)

i’m a brit, and i hate my country :) somehow i will still defend it at all costs. it’s a british thing you wouldn’t understand

i will literally be reblogging any random posts i like, i’m not organised enough to have more than one blog lol

fandoms i’m active in and some other bits and bobs i really liked are as follows (i’m gonna add more to this list)

tv shows

good omens - dead boy detectives - doctor who - gilmore girls - our flag means death - the umbrella academy -

tv shows i’m currently watching

brooklyn 99 - classic doctor who -

films

the princess bride - bohemian rhapsody - rocketman - mamma mia! - moulin rouge! - submarine - monty python movies - little women - dead poet’s society -

musicals

hamilton - hadestown - moulin rouge! - mamma mia! - rocketman (yes there is movie crossover here) - EPIC: the musical - something rotten! - falsettos -

music

queen - david bowie - elton john - the beatles - general classic rock tbh

other things

agatha christie books & movies & the tv series - greek mythology - random classic literature - shakespeare plays - various uk quiz and panel shows -

if you also like literally any of these things and are slightly bored then you should 100% just send an ask or dm about how great your media of choice is

most posts and or reblogs will be dw, go, and dbda, plus aroace stuff, but i would be delighted to talk about literally anything

fuck the government (though at least it’s not the bloody tories now)

fuck the patriarchy

fuck war (includes every war that has and will happen)

ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon, i thank you for your time

:)

[ibelieveinghost]

4/7/24

up-dates!!!

1st off!: got my visa!!! finally!!!!!! actually, i got it on Wednesday but never found the energy to write here haha. oh! i graduated on Friday too and somehow talked the school into refunding the rest of the tuition. so everything went great in the end.

but seriously. i haven't write in so long, and i'll try my best this morning(rainy Sunday vibes yay!) to cover as much as possible. ok moving on---

i've been drawing/sketching on and off, and it sorta feels like a habit. lighthearted efforts and ease, something i rarely experience w/ making art since...since high school.

i've been updating more consistently on my blogs/twitter now. i got some response. some. not as much as one'd wish haha. but honestly, i felt so grateful that people are liking my stuff.

on the other hand, the job hunting has been going... well it has been going! not a ton of jobs being posted out there since early March, and i'm starting to realize that i'm only pretending to be really wanting certain positions. i got so accustomed to idea of working as a researcher/scientist, but. man. wasn't that why i left school in the first place, that i fucking hate it despite pouring ~10 years of my life into it and seemed to be going somewhere. having bright prospects and all. now that i knew. well. i need a little more time to think and un-think, to not rush ahead, and be complete honest w/ myself. getting the visa means i got all the time i want. so again, all worked out in the best way possible.

oh yea! birthday coming up in couple weeks! woo hoo! been planning a little overnight trip somewhere! probably 軽井沢 or 伊豆高原. idk! haven't gone anywhere not Tokyo/Yokohama since early Jan, and traveling alone is totally my thing! actually, growing older is so much cooler than i'd thought when i was in my early 20s. but like. past me: imagining feeling more grounded, taking things less seriously, and being more in tune with urself.

ok! dumping some photos seem like a good way to continue:

(reverse chronological order)

(コメダ I literally come here everyday now lol)

(graduation cert came with a bear! + my lamys... i'm not collecting them! they're super easy to write to write with and i adore the bright neon colors that's it!)

( i went to the 4D special viewing of prisoner of Azkaban and man---it worked so well w/ the 4D format. i mean it is the rainy/icy snowy one of the 8, so a lot of spraying water on your face situations! i was wearing a wide grin the whole time i guess. it was so much fun. that being said, i def shed a few tears near the end when harry realized no one's coming to save the two of em, so he stepped out and did what he didn't even know he's capable of. a scene my younger self never managed to relate to. but it def resonates now.

i love this movie so much, probably my fav out of all of them. watched it at the theater w/ dad when i was probably in...middle school or younger?)

(awww)

(the day i got my visa)

(date w/ S!)

(dinner later that night, w/ the gang)

(us, acting a little stupidly ha + interesting cards i took from the bar)

(last Sunday)

(the komeda near ogikubo station, it went all orange that day + cute lil book i might come back and buy later)

(the night i last hang out w/ A)

damn we're reaching the 30 photo/post limit

so guess that's that! i'm coming back to wrap up this epic photo dump soon(later today)

it felt so nice to just recounting my life, sharing all the bits and pieces on one had ever asked for. to me, it's a cute and ultimately therapeutic thing to do. my future self must be thanking me for taking the time to record everything haha.

anyway! see ya soon!

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

The Inevitable End of Year Awards, 2022 Edition

It would be fair to say that 2022 got off to a flatulent yet anaemic start back in Ye Olde January and has since sign-waved between extremes of joyless and joyful like a sherry-addled schizophrenic telling you his life story at a Xmas party that just won’t fucking end, finally ending on a weirdly positive note. So, with that in mind and before the New Year bursts all over us like a faulty condom, let us roll up our sleeves and ferret through the detritus of the year in the hope of finding the purest diamonds and filthiest sludge-nuggets, so we can drape medals about them and call it an awards ceremony. Let’s rock and roll, fuckeroos!

The Feyd-Rautha Award for Having One Job and Not Fucking Doing It… … Goes to Vladimir Putin, who gave himself the job of conquering the Ukraine and, despite having the military resources of an immense, wealthy country, a police state and a fully-subjugated media at his disposal, failed miserably. The war in Ukraine continues with no sign of Russia actually achieving anything. A bit’s been annexed- sort of- but Ukraine remains resolute and it’s highly probably that Russia’s ailing dictator will die before completing the job that he obviously intended to be his legacy. The stupid fucking twat.

The Suspicious Package that’s Actually a Present Award for Nicest Surprise… … Goes to the film Bullet Train, which looked like nothing more than a good laugh from the adverts but turned out to be a legitimately perfect film, utterly flawless in narrative construction and characterisation… that also happened to be a really good laugh. Any film that has Brad Pitt singing the praises of fate and smart toilets while two hit men bicker about Thomas the Tank Engine has got to be worth the price of admission… and maybe a little dance.

The Patrick Stewart Painting a Naked Beethoven Award for Special Services to High Culture… … Goes to another film, The Northman, which dared to ask ‘what if Hamlet and Beowulf were the same person’. It was a beautiful, meditative experience that reflected on the intersection between heroism and madness in pre-modern mythology… that also found time for fart jokes with Willem Dafoe and a big, epic sword-fight in front of an exploding volcano. I swear this is a real movie. I didn’t just neck a load of tramadol and hallucinate it while staring at an ant-farm. Go on, Google it. It’s real!

The Suspiciously Abrupt Bathroom Break Award for Shortest Tenure… Goes to spittle-spraying, plate-faced, xenophobic freak, Liz Truss, who clawed her way to the position of Tory Prime Minister but lasted about as long as a fast-food restaurant called Jimmy’s Shit and Chip Salmonella Palace. She was promptly replaced by a urinary condition in a suit who somehow contrived to be worse than her, despite the fact that that should have been physically impossible.

The Joker Shooting a Chat-Show Host Dead Award for Most Satisfying Moment… … Goes to the Doctor’s regeneration into previous, beloved Doctor Who star David Tennant shortly after the announcement that previous, beloved show-runner Russel T. Davis was being brought back to write and run the show again. The BBC is constitutionally capable of just saying ‘sorry, we fucked up’, but this does read as the closest possible equivalent. After a painfully ill-advised gender-flip, some lore-wrecking bullshit, an episode where the Doctor shilled for an evil mega-corp and a long-winded, multi-episode trudge through the colourful world of queer-baiting, the BBC seems to have finally realised that the last few years were a mistake. Will this lesson stay learned? Probably not. We’re talking about people who keep making the same crime drama every year and just calling it different names. Object permanence is not the Beeb’s strong-suit… but it’s still incredibly, viscerally satisfying to see a blustering, half-witted, incestuous institution forced into a U-turn, however temporary it might later end up being.

The Pluggity McPlugface Award for Best New Work of Fiction… … Goes to Enlightenment for All!, a brand new short story published by left-wing magazine Culture Matters and available to download for free, right now. Taking place across 20,000 years and charting a multi-generational effort to uncover the secret of enlightenment itself, it’s already being hailed as an important work of outsider ‘gypsy futurism’ by a certain internationally-respected poet WHO I AM IN NO WAY ADMITTING BEING RELATED TO. Oh, did I not mention? I’m the author! I wrote it! I am a proper published author, and this one story is set to be followed by a whole book in the New Year! Take a moment to let that sink in: I have a story available through one of Britain’s leading leftist magazines and a book of short stories slated to come out through the same soon. Once again: for all the squalidness of modern society, my life is fucking awesome.

The Garth Meringue Award for Abject Terror… … Goes to Smile, which- like Bullet Train- is a fucking perfect movie… albeit measured by a different metric. In this case, the metric for success is the number of ruined trousers associated with the media artefact’s existence, which has got to be well into the millions by now. This is neither the time nor place for a review, but Smile terrified me in a way that few films every have. Its capacity to induce fear is truly awe-inspiring… as its related capacity to ruin trousers.

The Special Award for Taking the Piss Like a Fucking Sewer System… … Goes to the recent rises in gas and electric prices. The UK’s price rises are among the highest on the European continent, because the people in charge of this country’s energy policies are craven, witless morons who have cheerfully privatised the energy sector while failing to arrange alternate sources of power at the state level. As a result, heating a home is now a slightly more expensive endeavour than just fucking off and starting a new life... ON THE MOON!

The Beige Flake in an Unflavoured Ice-Cream Award for Existing… … Goes to tepid new Marvel telly-show, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law, which has a fucking amazing title and contains one of Marvel Comics’ most beloved female characters… yet arrived to the resounding sound of ‘meh’. I never watched it myself, but I feel comfortable including it in my end of year round-up because, er, neither did anyone else. Why? Well, a combination of dodgy effects, formulaic episodes and one scene in which poor old Bruce Banner gets an ear-bashing from the title character that the fans just weren’t standing for. And that’s it: something that should have been a hilarious, weird odyssey through Marvel’s lesser-known catalogue arrived ended up making almost zero impression on the shape of popular culture. Pity really- but something from Marvel making so little impression is actually, weirdly impressive in itself. If they reverse-engineer the properties that made it so forgettable, they could render them down to a paint and use it disguise fucking military aircraft carriers.

The Salvador Dali Riding a Neon Zebra Through a Sky Made of Pancakes Award for Sheer Fucking Weirdness… … Goes to Everything Everywhere All at Once, a pseudo-comedy about the multiverse, divergent timelines, dildos, pinatas, family drama, rocks with googly eyes and putting everything on a bagel so that it collapses in on itself and becomes a reality-consuming singularity. It’s a great movie with a brilliantly talented actress and comedian in the leading roll. I realise I’ve done a lot of media mentions in this end of year round-up, but I feel like it’s important to praise films like this. If we don’t shine a light on quality, we end up with dreck. Good, original films and telly are rare, especially in a world where everything is a copy of some pre-existing IP, transcribed and adjusted and mutated until its no longer recognisable as itself. We live in a world where Jeff Bezos can buy the right to Lord of the Rings lore just so he can wipe his bald, pointless cock on it and where all of pop culture is dominated by a single, soulless corporation. When smaller creators with original ideas do something great, we should shine a light on it. So I am. Well done this film.

The ‘What, Really?’ Award for Unexpected Good News… … Goes to the news that James Gunn is going to be put in charge of the DC cinematic universe, which is unexpected and good- the two criteria for shockingly underwhelming award.

The Wonderful Fucking Timing Award… … Is the last award of the entry and goes to my car- or former car- which chose the week before Xmas to break down irreparably, leaking oil, petrol and water all at the same time while the engine misfired systematically. I loved that old motor, but its timing was always somewhat on the spectacular side. And so we end our awards ceremony on a personal and profoundly trivial note. So it goes.

And that was 2022. It averaged out to be pretty okay and now its ending to make way for 2023, which promises to be the latest in a long line of years. Until then (and the inevitable New Years Resolutions blog), bye.

[tomatograter]

What are your thoughts on JuneVris?

I like the ship, but sometimes I wonder if the romance is really There or if I just want to complete the Junevrisrezi Triad or w/e. I loved how their friendship developed over the course of homestuck, I just keep getting stuck on the pesterlog where June tells Vriska that she "kind of hates her". Ultimately they're still friendly after that, with June joking with Vriska by saying "if you ever need someone to punch you in the face again, I'll be there" and all that, but I wonder if June would ever really want a commited relationship with Vriska after that

June says a lot of negative things she doesn't fully mean or, if she means it, she has not taken into account how it will affect others; if jake is on the high end of the constantly-performing-for-acceptance spectrum, june is somewhere at the bottom.

The ease with which she can detach herself from her entire friendgroup and go into extended periods of complete isolation— marked by her friends worrying about her but that worry not being reciprocated, since she's mostly stewing on her own fog of bitter NEET malaise— is something that marks june's biggest flaw but also cements her story-role; she's the Protagonist. Things are secondary to her, not the other way around. She can tune the whole world out of her sight and focus only on whatever she deems worthy.

When she seeks affirmation and justification or even comfort, its not from her Fellow Friends, it's from the general cosmic ideal of... her doing something. The importance/meaning of her existence. The fact that She Needs To Do Something to fulfill her own abstract expectations, and keep busy. Of course our biggest point of comparison for this is when she's still not out to anyone, not even herself, so I'm partial to saying the self-actualization she desperately craves but can't even name has something to do with how she's transgender, and realizing that can be a great step 1 to getting out of that headspace, and moving on.

But related to the above statements and more closely tied with the purpose of your ask: June can and does designate certain people as stand-ins for why "things are going wrong" - and with nobody else to turn to safe for a big boss, these people are mostly her friends. This doesn't mean june is justified or right, and this also doesn't mean she doesn't truly love her friends, just that her feelings are easily overtaken by frustration, and from that frustration surges anger and spitefulness, a trait she closely shares with Jane.

They toe the flimsy line of meanness and arrogance, and sometimes blow up spectacularly. Their sense of inflated self-importance makes them transform everyone else in a liability, under the absolute lens of "I am justified, you are not."

June will holler to the skies that davesprite has somehow driven her out of her mind with his idiosyncrasies, and that her once favorite movies are truly fucking stupid shit for stupid fucking babies, and that roxy is a subhuman robot entirely out of her goddamn mind, and that vriska is a freak phony psycho she wants nothing to do with and is embarrassed to ever have liked; and she feels righteous in her fury. The excuses work, it doesn't matter if they're real. Make up a guy and get fucking mad at him! He's ruining your life! Doesn't that make you feel better? Doesn't that instantly give your life a clearer objective, and the assurance you are better than them? It's so easy. Here's a big red game target; catch it. kill it. scream at it.

It doesn't last, though. And in the aftermath the only thing it reveals is more of that same familiar emptiness.

The frustrations she has personified in her friends are still there, and they remain unaddressed, because the root often laid in june herself. She's mad her friends aren't exactly as she pictured them to be, or else she's mad at herself for ever making something out to be what it wasn't— or she's mad because she believed they could hold all the answers to make life better for her, but they don't.

The june-vriska example is particularly relevant because 'vriska' is part of june's dream of utter escapism; from seemingly nowhere, here comes a cool girl that knows exactly what june has to do always, and shes quirky, snippy, not like the other girls, and she has aaaaaaaall the answers. Except that personality shield has a complex and bloody backstory to all its 'epic' antics, and just as soon as vriska reveals her fragility the dream breaks a little. June has to cope with the fact vriska has flaws she cannot understand or justify, and after having looked up to her for so long she defaults to the emotion "maybe you always sucked after all." - it simplifies the situation. It makes her feel better about projection. That's where "I kind of hate you." comes from. She could have said 'i envy you/want to be you/am frustrated by you/disappointed in you' but the former is quicker.

The words 'June' and 'committed relationship' aren't really some i'd easily associate (She has a bit of a permanence=stagnation problem), but I do think her Protagonitis can only be put in check by the story's own favorite. Vriska can dish it out, and she has a backlog to argue she's important - if not MORE important than june, providing some perspective. Similarly, they can just sort of hang out sometimes and not feel utterly bored by each others presence, as they're picky in similar ways.

When I picture junevrisrezi, it is with june coming and going after vrisrezi have figured it out. They will always be a bit more partial to each other than they are to june, and june's drive to be constantly moving isn't exactly the same as two women who basically spent their childhoods in a murder-happy hellscape and could use a little slowing down, actually. It's not bad, they just have different priorities.

[aheathen-conceivably]

top five historical movies/tv shows! i trust your taste :D

I assume you mean movies/TV shows about historical eras? Not like actually from the 70s or classic Hollywood. So I’m going with that! Also I’m just doing movies cause I easily have more than five on that alone. Even still, it’s a long one, I’m sorry! 🙈

American Hustle: This is just one of my favorite movies of all time. For whatever reason I didn’t expect the pacing it had going in, and it took me on a wild ride. It’s got that late 70s energy, which I feel like is right on the edge of nihilism and it’s a soft spot for me.

Boogie Nights: This kind of has biopic energy (which I love) but isn’t as constricted by actually being about a real person. It has that epic saga vibe, with the rise and fall of a central figure that mirrors the movement of a decade.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood: I know, there’s a trend here. But I love films that heavily rely on soundtrack to convey their time period (I almost picked Bad Time at the El Royale for this reason). This choice has its drawbacks, but I love the way it tackles the nostalgia that we have for this time period and how dark it could actually be. I think the movie that does this the best is Last Night in SoHo, but the ending spoiled it for me, where I think the ending of Once Upon a Time succeeded (which is controversial, I know).

Perfume: Alright moving away from the 1960s/1970s (even though like I have six more), this movie is a little out there and I love it. It captures a sensory experience that is really difficult to get in film, and it’s somehow dark and funny and beautiful at the same time.

Quills: Whew. So if Perfume is a little out there, Quills is real far gone. It’s about the Marquis de Sade’s time in prison and there’s lots of notes of the French Revolution, sexuality, and religion going on. It’s a bit campy, but I do love a story about the way historical people perceived “madness” and I’m a sucker for religious undertones to boot.

[rallamajoop]

Dracula, The Witcher, and the Peter Cushing connection

So, no, I haven't had much new Witcher stuff posted in a while. Still got fics in the works there (the next bit of the Discworld crossover is coming along quite well), but I've been a mite distracted.

That little Dracula kick I was on a few months back evolved into an extended mission to watch all the Dracula adaptations – well, at least most of the major film versions (Nosferatu, the 1932 with Bela Lugosi, the 1958 with Christopher Lee, the 1979 with the hair, the insane 1992 Coppola one, the 2002 Guy Maddin silent-film ballet version with the hot Chinese Dracula...) And though I can't usually watch adaptations of anything I loved without compulsively nitpicking, I've been kind of loving all of them – but that's a subject for another post.

Hammer’s 1958 Dracula, starring Christopher Lee, isn’t necessarily the most iconic version, or even really my personal favourite – but it is where I got a little stuck. It’s the version that costars Peter Cushing as Van Helsing, being the same Cushing you may have seen cited as the visual inspiration for Blood and Wine's take on Regis – y’know, that Witcher-vampire I have been ever-so-slightly obsessed with for the past year or so. Up to this point, I knew Cushing mostly as that guy who played Grand Moff Tarkin in the first Star Wars film – but once it’s been pointed out to you, it’s pretty hard to miss.

We may as well note the irony of CDPR having modeled their vampire after an iconic vampire hunter. Actually, those sideburns aren't even Van Helsing's – these hail from Cushing's time starring as Victor Frankenstein in Hammer's other big-name high-gothic film franchise, which involves no vampires whatsoever.* Still, I suppose Baron-Dr-Cushinstein does spend a lot of time covered in blood and/or hanging around alchemical paraphernalia, which doesn't hurt for relevant visuals where Regis is concerned.

Whichever performance they may be referencing, CDPR’s design for Regis is a charming nod to classic horror cinema, and Cushing's skinny, mild-mannered, pleasantly-authoritative Van Helsing makes a more fitting choice for Regis than any of Hammer's actual vampires. You’d be hard-pressed to find any much better fantasy fancast for Regis than Cushing in his prime.

Now, primed as I obviously was to fall headfirst into what amounts to original-alternate-Regis fandom, the truth is I came out of Hammer's first Dracula film going, "well, that was pretty good – maybe I'll get around to the sequels at some point." But the series’ next entry didn’t do a lot for me (Brides of Dracula, which I am disappointed to say contains neither a) Dracula, nor b) any actual brides thereof), and Van Helsing isn’t even in the next four.

Not until Dracula A.D. 1972 does the series reunite both the original stars, Peter Cushing's Van Helsing (now playing his own grandson) and Christopher Lee's Dracula, and most critics seem to feel the series was long past its prime by this stage. But putting all expectations aside, in watching it, I discovered several things:

Van Helsing II having to calmly, authoritatively explain to a skeptical 70's cop that they’ve got a vampire problem on their hands and somehow pulling it off is EVERYTHING I never knew how much I wanted from this series.

If this film is garbage, it is emphatically MY KIND of garbage. I loved that Van Helsing vs. Dracula is now some kind of epic, generation-spanning rivalry; that Van Helsing II gets some real stakes via his (surprisingly likeable) granddaughter; I loved Johnny Alucard the beta-villain chewing all the scenery, why do people not like this movie?

Despite having aged about 14 years in real time (and perhaps several more internally**), Peter Cushing only gets better with age

I have officially fallen head over heels for this man's face ridiculous cheek bones everything

People, I do not do the whole celebrity-crush thing. Let alone over long-deceased actors from my grandparents' generation. But it quickly became Very Important that I watch pretty much everything Peter Cushing had ever been in. And Cushing (as I may have mentioned in a footnote around here somewhere) is an actor who kept busy.

If I had to summarise what made the Hammer Horror formula work, I think I’d have to go with “enjoyably trashy, but with a touch of class,” – and delving into through Cushing’s back-catalog is like making a laundry list of exactly that class of low-mid-budget 60′s-70′s British horror. Actors like Cushing and Lee lent a similar quality to those films that that Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen brought to the X-Men franchise: a bit of gravitas and a lot of style. Whether playing the hero or the villain, Cushing’s old-fashioned air of authority could carry off an awful lot.

In addition to Van Helsing, Dr. Frankenstein and Moff Tarkin, he also played Sherlock Holmes, an actual vampire, (sort of) Dr. Who, and even Mr Darcy (in a 1950′s TV adaptation of Pride and Prejudice that, to my great disappointment has long since been lost). Unavoidably, there are some films not even he and Lee combined could hope to save, but Cushing single-handedly makes a lot of otherwise-middling films worth watching. It’s a crying shame some of this stuff isn’t better known and remembered today. It’s as hard not to wonder that an actor of this calibre didn’t get to do more higher-brow work, but then again, to quote the man himself, Who wants to see me as Hamlet? Very few. But millions want to see me as Frankenstein so that's the one I do.

My Internet history tells me I first watched Dracula A.D. 1972 way back in May. Honestly, I was kind of expecting to be over it by now, and yet here I am.

Anyway, if you do share my taste in Witcher-vampires, may I also highly recommend Hammer’s Frankenstein series, their Carmilla adaptation, The Vampire Lovers, and 1959′s The Flesh and the Fiends (which is not a Hammer production, but still very much in that vein). Dark Corners’ youtube episodes on the Hammer Dracula and Frankenstein series are great introduction to both (even if I do feel they’re awfully unfair to what is now my favourite Dracula film).

Or if you’re reading this as a Peter Cushing fan, well, I can’t honestly pretend the main Witcher video game series will necessarily interest you – but there is this one relatively-standalone expansion pack called Blood and Wine that just might be worth your time...

* (back) Though to see Cushing at peak sideburns (pictured in the first comparison above), you’ll want 1959's The Flesh and the Fiends (which isn't technically a Hammer production at all, even though Cushing is basically still playing Frankenstein by way of Doctor Knox).

** (back) The story goes that Cushing spent the 70′s doing film after film because he’d recently lost his wife, and was desperately trying to bury his grief in work. Which only makes the number of grieving fathers and/or widowers he plays in his later years that much more ouch to see in effect.

[awesomerextyphoon]

I love your writing. May I have Loki x Reader? The reader is a sweet, delicate dreamer. Loki has come to conquer the world. He saw her and wants her to become his Queen of Midgard. He kidnapped her. She pleads with him to let her go while she is tied to the bed. He caresses her hair and says she will love him (he doesn't want to use the scepter on her).

***Can I have White Reader x Loki, please? Loki just escaped from the Helicarrier. He saw the reader who is a sweet and innocent creature. Loki doesn't want her dead when he will start battle. Loki kidnaps her and locks her up to keep her safe. When he wins, Loki tells her that she will become his queen.***

Hi! I decided to combine the prompts and make the reader plus-sized. I hope you enjoy! 

His Match

Pairing: Dark!Loki x Plus-Sized Female Reader 

Summary: You’ve tried to live by your grandmother’s rule  of being kind to others, even when the world gives you the middle finger. What if a Norse God decided reward you by becoming his Queen?

Word Count: 1,745

Rating: 18+/Mature

Warning: Kidnapping, Implied Dub/Non-Con, Angst, and some Violence

A/N: Thanks goes to the amazing @angrythingstarlight for beta reading this!

Loki was walking around New York City, scouting Stark Tower making sure the final preparations of his plan was perfect when something, or rather someone, caught his eye.

She walked out of what looked like a women’s clothing store with a forlorn smile. She was plumper than the average female Midgardian last time he frequented the realm. His eyes did not miss the enticing curves that lied beneath her clothes despite her efforts to ensconce herself into the background.

She was a vision.

Her eyes met his for the briefest of moments and it felt like time stopped. His heart quickened in his chest and a rush of blood surged to his groin.

He had to follow her. His Elskan.

“Barton, tell the others I’ll be out for a few more hours. Proceed as planned.”

–––––

He found you entering a rather destitute apartment complex. Its lights and foundation were a bit unsound and gave off a seedy ambience.

Loki grimaced at her living conditions. When he ruled Midgard, she would have only the best.

Casting a simple concealment spell, Loki entered her fairly small apartment. She began mixing ingredients together for what looked to be ‘chocolate chip cookies’. He smiled as he inhaled the sweet aroma knowingly; Asgard had only recently started consuming the sweet. She soon laid out a batch of thick, scrumptious cookies with a satisfied expression.

They reminded him of better times when he and Thor would sneak into the kitchens and swipe confections from under the baker’s nose. Loki chuckled at the memory; those were the days.

Not ten minutes after she placed the last cookie onto the cooling rack did her phone ring. It was her mother. Loki felt dread coming off his Elskan in waves.

Loki could only make out bits and pieces of the conversation, if you could call it that. Her mother constantly nagged her about her weight, life choices, and her ‘pathetic’ attempts to get over her ex-boyfriend. His heart broke as he saw tears begin to fall and the croaking of her voice as she bid the odious creature goodnight.

Several minutes after she cried herself to sleep, Loki entered his Elskan’s bedroom. He spied her diary on the nightstand and decided to read a few pages.

He was fuming within two minutes.

How dare that caustic pig sow treat his Elskan, her own daughter, in a such ghastly manner! Her ‘perfect’ sister always slighting and reminding her on how ‘she’ll never be good enough for anything’ and her father’s callous indifference to her cries for help and solace only added to his rage. Combined with the way her ex-boyfriend, the repugnant gnat, treated her (he cheated on her with someone who ‘wasn’t built like a blimp’ and ‘the only thing you thing you had going for you were your tits’) and he wanted to speed up the invasion just to watch the horror become engrained onto their faces.

And yet, she endeavored to treat everyone with kindness harkening back to your grandmother. She strived to be the one light in one’s otherwise miserable existence.

Well, she can be his light as his Elskan and Queen.

Loki took a deep, cleansing breath. He needed to stick to the plan. When he conquers Midgard, she will be their queen. She will grace the undeserving masses with her elegance and beauty and he will worship her every chance he got.

He just had to make her see it that way.

Gently, the light forest green glow of Loki's magic flowed from his hand to the crown of her head like a halo. He leaned in and kissed her cheek with a smile as he left.

He hated to leave her, but he had a realm to conquer. Though he hoped she’d enjoy the introductory gift.

––––––

You were in your grandmother’s living room; spacious yet comfy with all of her quirkiness and splendor included. It was odd since you haven’t been in her house since your parents sold after her death seven years ago. You tearfully smiled remembering all the good times you had with her, the only member of your family you gave you any true warmth or love.

Her piano was in the corner, barely aged a day with all the music sheets, pens, a light scratches you came to know and love. You took your seat and started to play the piano version of one of your favorite movie themes.

You were so engrossed in playing, you failed to notice someone materializing into your dreamscape.

“What a lovely tune! What is it called?” A smooth, honey-tinged voice broke your concentration.

You turned your head and saw what had to be the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. He was tall (6’ 10” / 2.08m) easily towering over any man you’ve ever met. He had smooth alabaster skin, light rose undertones with a little blue-red just under his eyes. His cheekbones were immaculate, somehow looked sharp and soft at the same time. He had thin lips with a fair plumpness to the bottom one. His slicked-back, shoulder-length Ponzu/Shadow Purple hair kissed his lean, battle-hardened physique (if the way he’s filling out his outfit was anyway to go by). All of this deliciousness was clothed in a casual Palm Green suit with a Glossy Black tie and shoes.

It took you a full minute to stop ogling him, “Wha-What did you say?”

“I apologize for disturbing you, my lady. I asked what you were playing.” His voice had hints of mirth which was odd considering his appearance. Most people in his league would give you a thinly veiled sneer of disgust, but he seemed genuinely interested.

“Um, well, it’s called Merry-Go-Round of Life from the movie Howl’s Moving Castle. It’s a favorite of mine. I used to play it all the time until…” You trailed off, not wanting to revisit how your grandmother died.

“You do not have to tell me if it brings you such displeasure.”

“Thank you, um…”

“Loki. Please, call me Loki.”

“Loki,” he inwardly moaned at the way you said his name, “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise. Please, continue playing.”

And you did for what felt like hours, all while your sexy dream companion asked about your hopes, dreams, anything he could think of really. You in turn asked him about his life and interests; you even laughed at a story of his brother having to dress like a bride to get his hammer back.

You soon became enamored with Loki. It was refreshing to be noticed with actual interest, not ridicule or pity. He seemed to taken with you as well, if his gentle caresses and not-so-subtle lustful glances he gave you were any indication.

You were glad this was just a dream. You didn’t want your heart to break like last time.

Loki was about to lean in for a kiss when everything faded to black.

–––––

You jolted up from the mattress and screamed once you realized you weren’t in your room.

No, this room was…spectacular for lack of better word. It had high ceilings, large windows, ornate chandeliers, and magnificent balcony. Luxurious dark greens, gold, and black covered the room in splendor. Extravagant pieces of furniture dripped with precious stones metal worthy of queens or royal mistresses of old.

“What is this place?”

You tried to leave but was forced back onto the bed by a force field. You tried to take calm breaths just like your therapist taught you in order to make an escape plan.

No sooner did you calm down than the door open to reveal-

“Loki!”

Only Loki was wearing radically different clothing; looked like he walked right out of a fantasy epic. And yet, his smile was enchanting.

“What am I doing here? I need to go back home.”

He tutted in response, “That would not be wise, Elskan Mín. This world is mine now and this is safest place to be.” He was right. His brother’s team of desperate souls were no match for his cunning and Chitauri Forces. Midgard’s pathetic leaders gave up in less than an hour once their beloved ‘heroes’ were defeated, broken, and laid bare before them.

“You can’t be serious, Loki. I need to leave.”

“And go where? Like I said, this realm is mine now. That rat poison of a dwelling is no more and I have dealt with your ‘family’ as needed.” Loki smirked at the memories. It gave him extreme joy squeezing the life out of that worthless pig of mother, breaking every bone in your father’s body one by one, and leaving your ‘perfect’ sister alive with partially rotten skin. Not even the scavengers or maggots would find or want the remains of the scurvy insect of an ex-boyfriend, though he was still alive..just barely.

Well, at least until he decided on how to destroy the blight of creature.

Though he did make sure to leave two of your real friend were treated well. You needed to have someone to talk to while he was away.

You gazed into his Spearmint colored eyes in one last attempt, “Please Loki! If you love me, you’ll let me go!”

For a split second, you could’ve sworn you saw hurt in his eyes and he glided across the room. You back hit the headboard in you sad efforts to get away from him.

“Elskan Mín, I promise to always love, cherish, and worship every part of your glorious body. You will become Midgard’s queen and my goddess. No. One. Will. Ever. Demean. Or. Slight. You. Again.” he punctuated each word of the last sentence with soft, open-mouthed kisses to your face, neck, shoulders, and collarbone.

You tried to fight him, but it felt so good. His touches sent shots of lightning to your core; plus his lips and fingers were cook to the touch provided excellent contrast to the spike in heat.

You started crying realizing how pathetic this was, to have the first person to profess such feelings be a kidnapper. You were actually contemplating whether or not he was telling the truth.

Loki sensed your sorrow and kissed your tears away. “I know this might be ‘difficult’ at first, but you will love me in time.” He hoped he did not have to use the scepter.

You thought about your dream and all of the effort he was putting into this. It was frightening, but it came from a place of love.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stay.

–––––––

@lookiamtrying @jtargaryen18 @sapphirescrolls @jobean12-blog @sweeterthanthis @gotnofucks @mcudarklibrary@saiyanprincessswanie @golden-ariess @navegandoaciegas @stargazingfangirl18 @opheliadawnwalker3 @tilltheendwilliwritee  @imanuglywombat @bucky-the-thigh-slayer @navybrat817 @anyatheladyclown @buckysbunny @nacho-bucky @donutloverxo @stephanieromanoff @threeminutesoflife @angrybirdcr​ @angrythingstarlight @chixkencxrry @hurricanerin @marvelfansworld @the-soulofdevil @captain–barnes @drabblewithfrannybarnes @thebanprincess @winteralpine @leslie2898 @buttercandy16 @propertyofpoeandbucky @hevans-angel @thorfanficwriter @afriendlyblackhottie @avintagekiss24 @syntheticavenger @phant0m-queen @tuiccim​ @blueberrythor​ @river-soul @justthehiddleswrites @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[themculibrary]

Genderfluid!Loki Masterlist

And When It Does I'm Already Gone (ao3) - qwanderer, roseapprentice loki/tony E, 75k

Summary: Eighteen years ago, Tony fell in love with a mysterious woman, all green eyes and wit. Now he’s given up all hope of finding her again, but with curiosity and a well-placed spider, fate has different ideas.

Loki lies and loves and loses and leaves things unfinished. But the people who love Loki back aren't about to let the past go so easily. And Tony and Peter can dig up their share of secrets when they put their heads together. Biological Smartass Family.

Into Eternity (ao3) - FujiDawn loki/tony, jane/thor M, 108k

Summary: Algrim is still on the run, Ásdís grows a lot faster than anyone would have expected (author included) and there are matters to attend that will finally throw everything into balance.

The Third part of "And we, too, could be glorious".

Be warned, though. The Title (and therefore its connection to "Thor - The Dark World") has been chosen with care.

Loki and Toni’s Excellent Adventure in World Saving (ao3) - pprfaith, reena_jenkins loki/tony M, 45k

Summary: In which Loki and Toni try to save the world, Steve is obnoxious, Clint has no patience for artsy movies and there are cupcakes. And issues.

Memories of a Future Past (ao3) - Sparcina loki/tony E, 68k

Summary: In which Tony has forgotten everything, and the god of mischief has never met Iron Man, because on top of being amnesiac, Tony has been thrown two centuries into the past to fix the future.

My Heart’s On Fire For Your Love (ao3) - lokihzra loki/tony, steve/thor M, 111k

Summary: Only a lucky few happen to find their soulmates. It was so rare that it became a myth.

So why did Tony find an L on his wrist a couple hours after Loki threw him out a window and why did he agree to Loki and Thor moving in the tower?

Once More With Empathy (Part 1) (ao3) - Kairyn M, 386k

Summary: Thor is distraught by Loki's sacrifice on the Dark World. He never in a million years would have thought it would happen. He is determined to fix it somehow. He is forbidden from bringing him back... but Odin didn't say Thor couldn't stop it from happening at all. This time, armed with knowledge of how much his little brother bottled everything inside, Thor was going to ensure mistakes weren't repeated.

A Time Travel Fix-it where Loki really did die and Thor goes back to save his brother before he needs saving. A strange hybrid of marvel bits and actual Norse mythos all crammed into angsty wrapping. Not a Quick Fix-it. Epic Length Story Warning It'll take time for things to get solved.

Out of Darkness there is Light (ao3) - Rouko loki/tony, clint/laura/natasha E, 66k

Summary: Loki, battered adopted son of Odin is captured by the Avengers and resigns himself to whatever punishment awaits him on return to the realm he once thought was his home. Enter an insomniac billionaire that sees something no one else does. Can his sharp wit and lethal tongue save the God of Mischief from a fate he doesn't deserve?

If he can save him, what then? Is he still an enemy or could he be turned to the side of good? Can a snarky God known for his silvertongue and lies really be trusted to become an ally to Earth? Tony Stark is going to find out.

Reparations (ao3) - dendrite_blues loki/tony E, 164k

Summary: Tony isn’t going to fuck the God of Lies. He isn’t.

It would be a terrible, awful, super-bad-wrong decision. Loki is a war criminal with a weird nose. He's bony, awkward, and unrepentant. Nothing redeeming about him.

But Tony is drunk at ten in the morning, so none of that really matters.

-

A kinky developing relationship kidfic with action and canon-divergent fix-it elements.

Similitude (ao3) - murderousfiligree G, 2k

Summary: Loki’s female form bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain Goddess of Death.

Supervillain Honeymoon (ao3) - Potboy loki/steve G, 9k

Summary: Follows on from StarTrekFanWriter's "What Happens in Alfheim...Stays with You the Rest of Your Natural Born Life" which itself follows on from my "A Kindness Repaid."

In which, following their surprise marriage in Alfheim, Steve has to introduce the Avengers to his new wife, and Lady Loki has to set her mind at rest about the consequences of a certain broken vow.

The Convalescent Way (ao3) - gaslightgallows (hearts_blood) M, 173k

Summary: Loki and Thor must come to terms with their family secrets and their people’s devastation, and find their footing as the new leaders of Asgard.

The Prestige (ao3) - black_feather_fiction loki/tony E, 500k

Summary: The Avengers agree, in a deal with Asgard, to transport a captured Loki to Vanaheim, for him to face justice there. They use Tony's newly acquired spaceship for that purpose. But Loki is brutally and mysteriously murdered on the way and then his corpse disappears, leaving the Avengers and especially Tony not only stranded in space, bewildered and seriously creeped out, but also with the growing suspicion that there might be more to the New York invasion than meets the eye.

Little does Tony know however that this little road trip with horror movie elements is only the prologue to an alliance that will change the fate of the world.

What Did They Aim For When They Missed Your Heart? (ao3) - Setari loki/pepper/tony N/R, 42k

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This causes more than it's fair share of problems.

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[valdomarx]

La Campanella

McShep + Rodney plays the piano Rodney never could resist a challenge, especially when it’s set by Sheppard.

Atlantis is a place of many wonders, but Rodney's favorite is this:

In a distant part of the northern pier is a short, squat tower which he and Sheppard investigate on a routine patrol.

And in that tower is a large, unassuming room like a lecture hall.

And in the center of the room is an object seven foot long and three feet high, elegant, delicate, and familiar.

“Is that…” Rodney practically runs over to touch it, as reckless as that urge can be in Atlantis, but he knows this isn’t a weapon or a piece of broken technology or some dangerous machine. It’s a thing of beauty.

It’s an instrument remarkably like a piano: white and black reversed, keys slightly different lengths, but the same 12-step configuration making up an octave. Keys which strike strings stretched over a wide frame with soft hammers, and this can’t be a coincidence.

“How... ” he starts, and then he answers his own question. “The Ancients must have invented this instrument and brought the concept with them to Earth. But that would overturn so much musical history they’ll have to rewrite the textbooks, can you even imagine the implications -”

John does not look as fascinated by the profound repercussions of this discovery on the history of western classical music as Rodney is.

He waves questions of history aside and sits on the low stool in front of the keyboard, blowing away the years of accumulated dust. His hands instinctively settle into arches, his wrists loose, and he plays a few simple scales. The notes sound out clear and true, but -

He frowns.

“Something wrong?” Sheppard is leaning over the instrument, studying him and it with interest.

“This is tuned half a tone lower than an Earth piano. Feels a bit weird, that’s all.”

“How do you know that?”

Rodney affects his smuggest smile. “Perfect pitch, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Sheppard says, rolling his eyes.

Rodney looks around the room furtively, keen for reasons he can’t articulate that no one else should observe them, and he starts to play.

-

It becomes a habit, a place to unwind, somewhere they visit on off hours and in quiet moments.

Today Sheppard is flicking through a golf magazine while Rodney warms up with some Bach. The music is pleasing and orderly, and the sparse, bright notes explode in fractal-like patterns, unfurling and changing and becoming more complex the closer you look.

John tilts his head to one side and says, “You know there’s a whole bunch of classical music on the Atlantis server?”

Rodney grins. He did know that, in fact. Never get between a team of scientists and their file sharing. “I may have heard.”

“I listened to some of the Chopin you like. Then some other piano stuff as well.”

“Yeah?” Rodney picks at a fingernail. Something about the idea of John listening to music just because Rodney likes it makes his heart beat a little faster. “Find anything you liked?”

“A bunch actually. Have you heard of a piece called La Campanella? By a guy named Liszt?"

"Have I…" Has he heard of the single hardest piece in the entire solo piano repertoire? The fact he could never get those double stops right haunts him to this day. "Yeah, it rings a bell."

"I like that one," John says decisively. "It's nice."

Nice??? Sheppard thinks the most epic and demanding piece of all time is nice? Of course he does.

"You should learn to play it," John says casually, like he's suggesting they watch an action movie instead of a scifi.

"I should -" he splutters. "Do you have any idea how difficult that is? It's practically impossible."

John smirks and says, "I thought practically impossible was your specialty?"

Rodney is still spluttering when John throws him a wink and walks out.

-

And then, because despite being the finest mind in two galaxies, on some level he truly is an idiot, he stretches out his fingers and starts to practice.

-

It's not like he had copious free time to start with. But he makes space whenever he can to come to the piano room, chipping away at this ludicrous piece, bit by bit, phrase by phrase, over and over and over.

People think that learning to play is artistry, and maybe it is that too, but mostly it's a grind. You keep doing it again and again until you get it right. It's as much about stubbornness as about skill.

And stubbornness is something Rodney McKay has in abundance.

-

Liszt really was a sadistic old bastard, Rodney thinks sourly as he works on the right hand jumps until his fingers turn to lead.

-

Sometimes Sheppard comes and sits with him while he practices, and on those days he plays easier pieces, things which are familiar and casual. Not that John seems to pay much attention, but Rodney has the urge to impress him all the same.

He’s always having that urge around John.

-

He spends an entire week working on his goddamn trill.

It shouldn’t matter and it’s not like anyone will really listen to it. But it seems to represent something important — a sequence of paired adjacent notes, next to each other but never quite touching, bouncing off each other time and time again, a dance of two — though he doesn’t want to examine that too closely.

-

He doesn’t tell anyone else about the piano. He tells himself that’s because it’s convenient that he doesn’t have to share and can use it whenever he wants.

But really, he likes that it’s his and Sheppard’s; their own tiny secret in this vast and sprawling city.

-

He hears the piece in his sleep, and on missions, and when he’s working in his lab. It becomes a background hum of his brain, always there, a sort of yearning for the possible, the platonic ideal, the way that things could be.

He tries not to examine that too closely either, though the weight of the realization is becoming harder to ignore.

-

Eventually the piece is as ready as it's going to be. He scribbles a quick note during a meeting, folds it into a paper airplane, and throws it at Sheppard's head. He hits him right in the temple, and he manages to avoid cheering when Elizabeth glares at him.

I have something to play for you, the note reads. Meet you at 7? You know where. - R

He jots it down without really thinking, and only once he's thrown does it occur to him how soppy it sounds.

John doesn't seem too perturbed though. He smiles down at the note and meets Rodney's eye with a little eyebrow wiggle which Rodney takes to mean, Gonna impress me?

-

By the time John arrives, Rodney is all warmed up and more nervous than he's ever been about a performance. His heart is racing, and when John gives him a fond look and says, "Hey," it trips even faster.

Once he settles in to play though, there's a certain kind of mental clarity that settles over him. His hands know how to do this, he just has to sit back and let them.

His wrists are still tense as he sounds out the first few bars and then, all at once, he relaxes into it and lets the music carry him. Hours of repetition have made every chord, every melody, every insane and unreasonable jump into something almost effortless. He even forgets John is there: there’s only him, and the piano, and the music.

The music builds and builds, each section becoming more and more ornamented, more complex, more physically demanding, all at a relentless pace that sends most players reeling. But he's got this, he can do this, it turns out all he needed was a bit of motivation.

The penultimate section is his favorite: The technical parts are done and here he can throw himself into the wild, over the top glory of the final melody. And perhaps he shows off a little bit, catching John's eye and grinning at him, but that's all part of the fun.

The piece ends with a crashing, massive finale that makes him feel like a virtuoso, and then in a last few epic chords it's done, as tight and perfect a five minutes as you could wish for.

The final chord reverberates on and on through the stillness of the room, glowing out beyond the city and into the night.

"Wow." John's eyes are wide. "That was great."

Rodney preens, because that ineloquent little comment somehow means more to him than an auditorium full of ecstatic applause. Having John look at him like that makes the months of practice worth it.

"You liked it?" He's fishing for compliments, but he figures he's earned it.

"I did," John says, staring at Rodney's hands like they hold the secrets to the universe.

He looks up and blushes at having been caught staring. Then he deflects and shrugs one shoulder. “Honestly, though, it’s not my favorite piano piece.”

Rodney narrows his eyes. He has the distinct impression he’s been played. “What was your favorite then?”

"I prefer Songs Without Words."

"Mendelssohn?" he explodes. "You wanted Mendelssohn? Jesus Christ, I learned to play that when I was eight!"

John grins. "I appreciate simplicity in music."

"Then why on earth did you make me learn Liszt?!"

John has this joyous, manic light in his eyes, like he's having the time of his life here, messing around with Rodney, of all the things he could be doing. "I like watching you do impossible things."

He sucks in a breath. "I hate you."

"No you don't." John leans in, smug and delighted, and oh, Rodney is so in love with this ridiculous, infuriating man that he could burst. "You learned La Campanella for me."

"It wasn't that hard," he says quickly, because he has a reputation to maintain here. But John laughs and gives him this soft, teasing look, one eyebrow quirked at a ridiculous angle beneath the chaotic mess of his hair, and Rodney is defenseless.

"Whatever you say, McKay," John says, and Rodney has the feeling he sees straight through him. "Now play it again."