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#it was bringing up complicated feelings
shiroikabocha · 2 months
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favorite part of talos principle??????
I procrastinated forever on this ask, sorry. The answer’s kinda sad. But it’s also, like, deeply true and important to me as a person, so.
My mom died at the end of 2013, concluding a truly impressive any% cancer speedrun. Less than 90 days from first symptoms to last. I loved her a lot. It was a bad time.
2014 was the worst year of my life. I became convinced that human consciousness (or at least, my own human consciousness) was not an inherent good. Not an inherent bad, either, just… the nature of the human brain is to want to continue existing, and to be incapable of continuing to exist. It’s not a system that’s designed to function without pain. It’s not a system that’s designed. Consciousness hurts. Being a conscious, physical creature in an unpredictable physical world that has no obligation to make coherent narrative sense hurts.
(I miss my mom. It’s a problem with no solution.)
And then there was this video game. And it had this guy (gender neutral) in it. And this guy was like: you’re so right, bestie. Making sense of existence? That’s a loser’s game. Can’t even get to I think, therefore I am without coming up against some truly gnarly logical conundrums—almost enough to make you wanna invent a big invisible sky-friend who gives you all the answers and reassures you that you’re important and good, right? But that’s stupid. You don’t want to be stupid, do you? You want to be smart. Like me. Smart means you’re better than the people who need happy little answers to all their silly little questions. You don’t need them. You don’t need anybody. That’s the great thing about nothing—it’s so beautifully consistent! When nothing means anything, there are no contradictions. Trying to understand your place in the cosmos—asking the question “I exist; what should I do with that fact?” and expecting to arrive at an actual, functional answer—is a sucker’s game. The only winning move is not to play.
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I can’t really explain what it felt like to see my own feelings repeated back to me so clearly, so accurately, and at such length—and for my reaction to my own worldview to be seething fucking hatred. When I started playing The Talos Principle, I was a pessimistic nihilist. I did not perceive myself changing into something different until I was screaming at my keyboard FUCK YOU, my existence has meaning because I CHOOSE to imbue it with meaning and I do not FUCKING CARE if it doesn’t make sense, some things are more important than being flawlessly logically correct and ME HAVING A REASON TO LIVE is ONE OF THEM
(when your internal logic answer to Why should I stay alive? starts out as My life is a precious gift given to me by God and it is not mine to throw away, and then your understanding of the world changes in a way that no longer incorporates an ontologically-existent God, sometimes you wind up with: Why should I stay alive? Answer: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ And that answer really only works as long as nothing terrible happens. It does not hold up well under stress. When you take god away you do have to put something else in its place, and it’s not easy to find something else that can hold up under the weight.)
Like… it would be an oversimplification to say that The Talos Principle made me want to live again. But it wouldn’t be too much of an oversimplification to say TTP forced me to acknowledge that I didn’t currently have a good reason to want to live, and that felt bad, and I owed it to myself to fix it. And that if I could hate this fucking asshole librarian so so much (because he was me), and still feel so much compassion for him by the end of the game, then maybe I could figure out how to feel compassion for myself, too.
Also I really like the puzzles where the solution is to zwoop around all over the place with fans, those are my favorite
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videogamelover99 · 7 months
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Guys Chuuya's feelings toward Dazai must be so absolutely incomprehensible right? Right??
Like, you meet this kid who insults you and acts all intellectually superior and then turns around and defends you in front of your friends. Is like "Let's kill this dude together" after which you demand him explain why he's so gung ho about living suddenly, and seem to be satisfied with his answer?? So you put your life in this asshole kid's hands and he comes through. You did it. You defeated the bad guy.
Then this kid turns about and reveals he was playing you and your friends the whole time, and blackmails you with your friends' lives (friends who stabbed you literally in the back like 10 seconds ago, it was a really shitty day). You join the mafia but you pretend somehow you did it of your own volition and not because of the manipulations of this kid.
Fast forward a year later, you make new genuine friends who die immediately by some French asshole trying to control your life, and the shitty manipulative kid is back, saves you from imploding on yourself and carries you all the way to your dying friends so you could say goodbye, running off before you can stop him. Goes completely AWOL when you need him for your plan to kill the French asshole, shows up AGAIN to the place you'd just been tortured in. You decide the only reasonable way to deal with this is to tie him to a pole and spin him around until he's sick, and he 100% agrees. You come up with a plan to finally beat the French asshole. Oops the plan backfires. Now you gotta trust the shitty manipulative kid with your life so you can save the city and maybe the world. Somehow everything works out.
Oh, not to mention the horrible hallucinations you had of this kid claiming you're just like him.
He caused your friends to abandon you. He plays arcade games with you every Sunday. He is the worst version of yourself. He is a menace. You trust him with your life. He claims to want to brainwash you into being your maid. He drew you into the mafia only to ditch you three years later. How Chuuya doesn't have an aneurysm every time Dazai is mentioned I don't know.
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wildstar25 · 1 month
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What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?
(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)
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Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:
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#ffxiv#wolship#g'raha tia#y'shtola rhul#wolgraha#wolshtola#y'shtola x wol#arsay nun#graharshtola#y'shtola calling arsay a pain in her side is very much an affectionate thing btw#and i couldnt pass up the joke of g'raha giving the sweet gentlemanly response only for yshtola to be like 'tits tbh'#her defaulting to an answer that would probably stop the conversation before she has to talk to much about her deeper feelings imo#i have. a lot of feelings about yshtola and arsay's friendship#someone who is constantly trying to build walls between herself and others vs someone who desperately wants to form real connections#its not a 'wearing that person down' type situation either#just one lonely person seeing another lonely person and hoping that they could be less lonely together#or that she could at least bring some cheer to#and idk yshtola strikes me as the type to have been like 'if they want to be my friend they have to work for it'#which arsay certainly did#i could ramble on and on how their friendship lines up so well with yshtolas character development but theres a limit to these tags#so just look at how cute shtola is with the slightest blush on her cheeks#graha is a much more complicated topic since he went from Extreme adoration to I want to be her friend but I dont think im good enough#to 100% Hero worship again to Shes my hero and I love her to Shes a person and I love her#to I love Arsay. Even the parts she can't love in herself. I will love all of her till my dying breath.#he thinks shes the most beautiful person in the world and the most important thing in his life#but he now knows how insane she's been about being everyone's hero and he really doesnt want to feed that beast#so hes trying to build her up in other ways#focusing more on the adventuring side than the saving the world side#and then there is arsay who loves so much about her partners and is in capable of narrowing it down to any one thing so its#'here let me list everything that comes to mind right now' with 0 shame or filter
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mugentakeda · 2 months
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So because your the lu ten expert I wanted to ask how you think lu ten would feel about the avatar coming back and the threat of the fire nation? Would he take the avatars side against the FN? And how so what would he do
WELL ANON. i am SO glad u asked. lu tens slow but sure road to dissent is my fave thing about the dai li au. so short answer? well YES!!!!! my lu ten at least. going by the #Lore that i came up with for him. hes a blank slate so by all means anyone can imagine whatever they want with him. but i go by the logic that as soon as zuko started free thinking he became a fucking traitor, and i highly doubt iroh (despite his many, many other parenting flaws lol) would try and forcefully shape lu ten in his own image, and i like to think that, despite the fact that their relationship goes sour before lu ten "dies", iroh and lu ten were capable of disagreeing over things and being fine. its just that as lu ten gets older, the disagreements go from apples vs oranges to agni didnt breathe life into me and bless me with an inner flame for the purpose of burning people alive. maybe that's what you do, but its not what i do! its something he stirs on for literally ages but never actually like. fully crosses the line. its like a simmering. but he eventually hits a boil at the climax and just goes full traitor on impulse cus hes at this point of desperation and pettiness and bitter rage where he feels like he has nothing to lose. sadly it lasts about two hours and then he ""dies"". but its the effort that counts????????? idk. i do want to backtrack into The Before and talk about the parts where he stirs on it though cus its soooo fun to just talk about.
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laesas · 1 year
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The hands holding yours are not clean either.
VegasPete + Hands || KinnPorsche (2022)
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crayonurchin · 2 months
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satanfemme · 2 months
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I had a very very long fixation on owls when I was a child for like, idk, 7 years straight probably it was my whole life. and its not something I've really thought about much since becoming an adult, but my dad just sent me an audio clip of an owl vocalizing and was like "identify this species for me" and I responded with an answer immediately, with full confidence. so yeah I guess u could say I've still got it
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sonknuxadow · 5 months
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Twitter takeovers should either have the rule that no ships are canon or ALL ships are canon, either we all win or we all lose no in-between.
Not like it matters, Twitter takeovers are dubiously canon at best.
ehh my problem isnt "nooo theyre teasing ships i dont like instead of the ships i do like".. i mean yeah i Dont like knuxouge and thats part of the reason i found that answer annoying but the main reason is i just dont like it when they bring up ships or intentionally hint at ships in general. its annoying and unnecessary especially if m/f pairings are gonna get stuff like "the gang teases knuckles about how he may or may not have a crush on rouge" and the only mentions of a gay ship ever were just "EWWWW sonadow is so GROSS!!!!!!!!!" which is just... weird.
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Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.
Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.
#da2#dragon age 2#sebastian vael#listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks#okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else#and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend...#that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't#it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more#even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline#whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke#i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.'#'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame#then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him#even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there#and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah#but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els#also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him#i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it#also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious#because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like...#i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like#an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks#i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power#and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai#and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think#i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him
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lollitree · 1 year
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You know I was against Giovanni taking over all the villain arcs (save for Sinnoh's) in Pokemon Masters until the Kalos one because now there's a possibility his aim is to start up Rainbow Rocket again and how cool would it be to see the half redeemed villains have to fight against alternate, more evil versions of themselves who succeeded in their original plans
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lith-myathar · 3 days
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future-crab · 3 months
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I’m such a person who doesn’t care about blood relations that any time a storyline focuses on a character grappling with the realization that one of their relatives was evil and worrying that they’ll go down the same path it SUPER doesn’t resonate.
“The sins of the father will be passed down to his children” Skill issue. If I’ve got a problem with your shitty dad, I’m taking it up with your shitty dad.
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bylertruther-moved · 2 years
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will says that el has a book of letters from him because he’s just pointing out that they kept in contact regularly whereas he and mike didn’t but somehow mike interprets that as if will was implying there should be something romantic between them too and it stumps will bc that’s not what he meant at all and he doesn’t realize yet why mike is actually so mad or who he’s mad at, and while we clown mike for being oblivious i think will is oblivious too bc this isn’t the first time mike’s done that and yet. will doesn’t question it. he never does and they never talk about it. he just continues with what he’s saying about how they used to be best friends. they never talk about the fact that when will fights to salvage their friendship mike talks about it as if it was more than what it was and as if continuing as they were would get between his relationship with eleven. which implies that he himself feels that their relationship is inappropriate if he wants to date eleven concurrently and explains why it’s the only friendship within the party that seriously falls apart and why will is the only party member that he completely changes his behavior n actions towards and why he’s the only party member that he no longer touches once he dates eleven. which again also explains why after they start dating it’s only when eleven isn’t around that he allows a softer, more open and present mike to reappear around will. it’s just like. why would he do any of that if he’s not projecting? will is literally the one with a canonically confirmed interest in him and yet he’s mad at the roller rink because will is ignoring him [or so he thought at that point]. he’s not mad that eleven lied. he’s not mad at what those bullies did to her. he’s mad that will didn’t talk to him. he’s so mad and hurt by will that he doesn’t even console his girlfriend who was encircled, taunted, and had a milkshake thrown on her all on tape. he stays by will’s side despite everything, even when she’s fidgeting and crying to the side of them. to top it off he even makes a passive aggressive bitchy little comment at dinner afterward because he’s still. mad. at. will. will is the one that ruined his day. not those bullies being cruel to el, but will. it clouds his vision so much that he can’t even pretend or begin to attempt to entertain the idea of being there for her when she so clearly needs him. how does anyone fucking watch any of that and not get what’s going on. HOW????
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#byler#YOUR GIRL JUST GOT BULLIED SEVERELY AND YET YOU'RE MAD AT THE BOY WHO USED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND?#WILL IS SAYING THAT YOU NEVER TALKED TO HIM AND SOMEHOW YOU THINK HE'S SAYING YOU NEED TO TREAT HIM LIKE#YOU TREAT ELEVEN? SOMEHOW YOU THINK HE'S TALKING ABOUT WANTING MORE THAN JUST FRIENDSHIP?#WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THINKING IT YOURSELF... WHEN WILL HAS NEVER ONCE MADE A MOVE ON HIM#OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT.........#MAKE IT MAKE HETEROSEXUAL SENSE IT JUST DOESN'T IT DOESN'T IT DOESN'T IT DOESN'T 🤯🤯#will NEVER implies anything romantic between them he NEVER does and yet MIKE the one with a girlfriend is the one that ALWAYS#ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKES THAT THE TOPIC OF THEIR CONVERSATION! he's the one that brings it up! he's the one that rejects will#when will isn't even making any kind of offer!!!!!!!!!#why would he do that if that isn't something that he feels! that he thinks about! that he's projecting onto will!#this is such a clusterfuck this is liek . this shit is more complicated than the fucking vecna plot at this point tbh#none of them know where the other is they're literally all in different fucking worlds my GODDDDDDDD#will is oblivious. and if he let himself realize what mike is doing and actually face it he would put mike on the spot about it.#mike's friendship is more than enough for will. it's enough to just have mike in his life. meanwhile mike is the one that refuses to see it.#he refuses to let himself even consider it which is why he puts that onto will and refuses to face the world around him.#he doesn't want things to change. we knew that in season three and we ESPECIALLY know that now. jesus christ..#so much is happening in this show.#it's just insane to me tht mike has such a big heart and he cares abt the people he loves nd would protect them with his everything#and when el gets bullied like that.... he just... he's focused on will. because of-fucking-course he is. he's angry at will because#he doesn't want things to change but will's existence in his life will himself is enough to bring forth change in mike that he's scared#to accept. for whatever reason. because why is he constantly doing that? making things romantic? it's not will. it's HIM.#why can't you be his friend and continue to date eleven when you can do the same with everyone else? why is it JUST will?#why do you think that he's propositioning you whenever he talks to you about your friendship?#i'm telling you: it makes no heterosexual sense.#my thoughts#my posts
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featherymainffins · 1 month
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Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?
#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like#while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and#both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor#and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in#a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but#on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her#at all nor do you care to#and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her#but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor#and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc#its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of#several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives;#and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad#and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works#we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you#much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person#and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings#is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself#and leaving with just an aspect would be.#thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol#oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like#scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue#basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it#witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love#each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another#and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems#etc etc#like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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#Woha... Alright read the chapter 🫡#It's just. I get where Fukuchi is coming from and I feel like after rereading it the whole thing was a little more clear but...#Did it *really* have to be so complicated. Like dude did it **really** have to be so complicated.#Maybe it had to idk. After all I'm always the first to say that a complex reality can't be reduced to simple axioms–#and that semplifications never bring anything good.#But at the same time was there REALLY no other way#Couldn't you promote your ideas diplomatically instead. Couldn't you become a democratic activist or politician.#Couldn't you write a book‚ person named OUCHI FUKUCHI#Also couldn't you? Talk about it with someone before executing your crazy plan so that anyone else might have pointed to you how crazy it i#But I suppose the whole central theme of this arc ultimately was “people who try to do everything by their own are destined to fall”#And to an extent it does still feel kinda self-contradictory of a plan. Like ahah my plan included not to make anyone suffer!!!#[turns half world population into a vampire]#Like c'mon? Violations of human rights can happen even without killing people dude#(Also Akutagawa)#(Like I get it he's only one (1) person. But he's also the only (only) person for me so I can't bring myself to ignore him y'know)#Mmmmmhhhhhh that's of the main things ig. I YELLED when they brought up Max Weber and the what-is-a-state question#That's like. One of the main questions my whole life studies centers on.#The adrenaline that gave me to see it mentioned in my current hyperfixation ahfjvafjhcvlawsvfblwhkv#This chapter was just so so political theories packed I felt like I was just still studying lol.#I feel like this was a true “get why bsd is labelled as seinen”.#You just can't do this kind of in-depth political theory discussion in shonen manga ig#What else. Still patiently waiting for ss/kk 😔#random rambles
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insidejupiter · 6 months
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jingliu is a perfect example of "if this female character was male, shed be universally loved instead of heavily criticized"
#im not saying you cant criticize a character but its sooooo telling that she gets so much of it#“shes a hypoctite. shes too mean. shes too cold.” yeah uh huh but those kinds of traits are fine on ren okay got it#people saying her character design is basic like im sorry but star rail doesnt have very many ground breaking designs for anyone#and yet i only see people bringing up jinglius design. also saying shes too pretty and done up#like the men arent also conventionally attractive. *yes* hoyoverse is bad for unique female designs#buts lets not pretend its solely a jingliu problem. it was an issue before her#shes just another victim of the short dress exposed shoulders look. also her design is not in any way shape or form the worst female design#im not going to give my opinion on that here tho because its not important#im losing my train of thought so im just gonna say people wouldnt be handwringing over the prospect#of jing yuan having romantic feelings for her. in fact thered be droves and droves of girls shipping them if jingliu was a man#not to mention shipping her with ren if she was. and dan heng/feng#but shes not a man so shes being scruitinized and picked apart for any potential “flaws”#like theyre so transparent about it. like im sorry she was mean to ren/yingxing fucking forgive her for having complex feelings#about a messy complicated issue while shes dealing with her own#trauma and guilt and anger and everything else that wouldnt be a problem if she wasnt a female character#the hypocrisy of it all never ceases to astound#hsr
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