#it was just too weird to me that mountains could Not Be in the North

[evadingreallife]

Confession time when i, ages ago as an italian kid, read eragon i was deeply weirded out by alagaësia's fantasy map. Not bc of the usual reasons, but because of the southern mountain range. I was like, why are these mountains down south?? Shouldnt they...yknow... be in the north?? Or at least on the sides?? Wtf are these mountains doing in the south How Did It Happen is this a thing that mountains... just do? Legally? Complete bafflement.

[monstersandmaw]

Male dragon x male knight (nsfw)

Disclaimer which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Fourth commission for you! [insert Fourth Wing joke here?]. This one is for @chroniclesinlacuna - so thank you!

(reposting because of some weird formatting shenanigans on the first attempt - sorry. Please reblog this instead of the other (deleted) one).

Content: (cis) male knight is sent to kill an injured dragon, and finds himself sequestered in the mountains with a beast of far greater intelligence and empathy than anyone had imagined. Non penetrative sex happens too, and bonding if you squint. Wordcount: 8938

“Boy, what’s going on?” Aneirin barked, grabbing for the arm of a page boy as he scuttled past in a slightly rumpled tabard.

He could have been a little gentler with the scrawny kid, but the corridors in the castle were roiling with a heady mix of unease and excitement, and that was rarely a good thing. Added to that, Aneirin had only just left Prince Ruairí in the hands of the next shift of Crownsguards, but if there was even the faintest whiff of trouble, he’d be back on duty in a heartbeat.

“Sir,” the boy chirped, bobbing a bow when he looked up and discovered that he’d been hooked like a minnow out of the flow of people by a knight of the realm.

Over six feet tall and still wearing his armour, though his helmet was tucked under one arm, Sir Aneirin Pendræd cut an imposing figure, and almost everyone in the castle recognised the Crown Prince’s personal guard and close friend, even if he did have a tendency to keep politely to himself for the most part.

“Well, lad?” he asked with just a hint of a growl in his usually soft baritone. “What’s got this place clucking like a hen coop?”

The kid grinned suddenly, all previous unease forgotten as his blue eyes began sparkling. “Dragon!” he beamed in breathless wonder. “There was a dragon sighted! Out by Icetide Pass! Lord Mortingale’s soldiers shot it down on their way through the mountain pass but they had to leave it there so they could take him to the Temple of Healing. His illness is bad, apparently. That’s why they risked coming across the mountains even though it’s going to snow soon. A dragon, my lord! A dragon!”

Aneirin chuckled when he learned that there hadn’t been an attempt on the life of one of his royal charges, and released the boy. “Go on,” he said, waving him away, and the page belted off in the direction of the kitchens.

With a sigh, the knight turned and headed back the way he had come and nodded politely at the guards flanking the entrance to the royal apartments.

The prince met him in the corridor with almost as much delight in his features as the page boy Aneirin had just released back into the wild. “Nye!” he chirped. “I was going to send for you. There’s been —”

“A dragon, I know,” he said, raising a dark eyebrow. “Is it true?”

“Sir Mathis heard it straight from Lord Mortingale’s lips himself,” Ruairí said, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder to get his friend to follow him.

Aneirin fell into step beside him, and bit back a yawn as he followed him through a concealed passage, out of the prince’s chambers and towards the adjacent apartment which belonged to his parents. In the darkness though, the prince paused and put his hands on Aneirin’s breastplate, tapping the cold metal a couple of times in his excitement. “A dragon, Nye!” he practically giggled. “Can you believe it? The magisters say they all migrated in to the frozen north a thousand years ago! What do you think drove this one south?”

“Maybe it’s fed up with all the snow,” Aneirin deadpanned, and the prince snorted a laugh and turned away, moving with easy familiarity down the dark corridor until he popped the latch on the door at the other end and they stepped out into the king’s empty study.

“Mother and father are in their sitting room,” Ruairí said, adding with a heavy grimace, “Magister Ferrar is in there too.” The much-hated former tutor of the crown prince was a truly odious man; pompously pious, deeply disdainful of those who wielded a sword instead of a stylus, and rake thin because he thought that consuming food with actual flavour was a grievous sin. Unfortunately, he was one of the most learned scholars in the country, so it was hardly a surprise that he had been summoned upon a credible report of a dragon reaching the king’s ears.

So it was that Aneirin found himself with the command of a small group of riders the next morning, heading north-east towards the belt of mountains that sheltered the kingdom’s fertile plains from the worst of the wild winters, and charged with finishing off the downed beast. A larger party would follow behind to collect the corpse for study and preservation, apparently, but his focus was killing it.  

Aneirin also had a grinning crown prince on his magnificent bay stallion at his side, despite his protests that a fire breathing lizard the size of an average cattle barn was probably quite dangerous, and putting the heir to the kingdom within a twenty mile radius of the thing was a colossally stupid thing to do, but the prince had insisted, and his parents had never been able to tell him ‘no’. To be fair, he was irritatingly charming.

“What do you think it will be like?” Ruairí asked as they trotted at the head of the column.

Nye looked around constantly, and even though the prince was dressed in sensible clothes for once, rather than showy silks designed to accentuate his fashionably fit figure and draw the eye of everyone in the room, he couldn’t help but feel the immense responsibility of guarding the crown prince out in the open like that. “Big, probably,” he mumbled. “And pissed off.”

The prince barked a laugh. “You’re funny, Nye. People think you’re grumpy, but you’re not. You’re just quiet.”

“You talk enough for the both of us,” he scowled, squinting at a shadow by the road a few hundred paces off. It was just an old tree stump, but he still glared at it like it was an assassin crouched in ambush all the same.

Somehow, the prince was still in a blindingly good mood as they walked their horses up the twisting, mountain road four days later, the breath of man and beast billowing in the air as they climbed higher. Everything was an adventure to Ruairí, and Nye couldn’t help but twitch a little smile as he watched the way the soldiers leaned closer to their prince in the firelight at camp, drawn like moths to his radiant joy instead of the flames of the campfire. Nye made one more round of the perimeter guards, greeting each by name and earning an earnest salute as he left them to their duties, and went to lie down on his own bedroll while the prince kept talking late into the night.

On the following morning, they reached the mouth of the canyon where the dragon was supposed to have gone down. According to Lord Mortingale’s soldiers, it had swooped overhead from a lower peak of the mountains, then swept down the narrow gorge like a hurricane, which spooked the horses to a white-eyed panic and caused the archers on the ground to nock arrows. When they’d loosed at it, it had wheeled away suddenly, and only to catch a wing on the bridge, colliding with it and disappearing into the depths of the gully. The soldiers had been forced to keep going, given the fragile health of their lord, and hadn’t been able to report accurately on the status of the dragon when they’d left the pass.

At the head of the canyon, a huge waterfall roared over the edge of a ‘v’ in the ridgeline of the mountains and plunged down out of sight into the bottom of the gorge. In the spring this road was only just passable because of the sheer volume of meltwater, but now at the tail end of autumn, the road was only misted by a constant spray. On either side of the gorge, the rocks rose into steep pinnacles, and in front of the waterfall, bathed in a sheeting mist, the stone bridge spanned the canyon and connected the road from one side to the other.

The walls that made up the protective sides of the sandstone bridge had been punched out in places by a the collision of something enormous, presumably the dragon as it fell, and all up the far side of the steep slope the trees and scrub had been singed to charcoal.

Aneirin held up a gauntleted hand and the riders halted. Taking a deep breath of damp, freezing air that burned his lungs, he listened. Behind the constant roar and rumble of the waterfall, a deeper sound filtered up through the scorched trees and scattered rocks. Low frequency, like two blocks of castle masonry grinding together, the rumble of a dragon reached his ears.

“Sir, that bridge looks like it’s about to go,” the captain of the unit muttered from Aneirin’s left and he nodded.

“We need to get a better look at what’s down there, but the scree slope on either side of the bridge is too dangerous to go near. I’ll dismount and go on foot.”

“Nye, you can’t go onto the bridge!” Ruairí exclaimed, wheeling his horse around to face his friend. “What if it gives out?”

“One man isn’t going to tip the balance,” he said. “But you stay here. You hear me? Stay…”

“I’m not a dog, Nye,” the prince pouted, but he did stay put.

Aneirin nodded, swung down from his horse and petted the placid gelding’s neck. The black horse twitched his head and stretched happily when the knight let go of the reins, but otherwise remained steady.

After only a couple of steps, he heard another rider dismounting from behind him, and turned to find one of the soldiers hurrying after him. “Captain said you shouldn’t go alone,” she said. “I volunteered.”

Aneirin shot the captain a level look, but didn't protest. He wasn’t sure what difference one extra person would make, but he wasn’t one for causing social friction when there were bigger problems to face; namely the dragon lurking in the steam at the bottom of the four hundred foot drop.

Stones and grit skittered away audibly under the arch of the bridge as the two of them stepped cautiously out onto it, avoiding the missing chunks and making their way to the middle where the wall was still intact and they could peer safely over the edge into the abyss. A flash of movement out of the corner of his right eye caught his attention, and Nye turned sharply to find the soldiers they’d left behind had dismounted and were loading bolts into crossbows. The grinding of the windlasses had dissolved into the noise of the waterfall and they were nearly all ready to loose.

Frustration flickered through him. If he shouted a warning from right above the dragon though, it could alert the beast to their presence, but if those fools shot down at it now, it could take out the entire bridge while they were still standing on it. Heck, if the dragon wanted to, it could probably start a landslide and suck the whole damned road into the gorge as well. Grinding his teeth, Nye waved and exhaled in relief when the captain responded in kind, and when Nye gave the signal to hold, the captain nodded and barked something to his soldiers that was lost to Nye behind the pounding waterfall.

Satisfied that they wouldn't endanger the crown prince or the volunteer soldier who’d come with him, Nye leaned over the edge and his breath caught. There at the bottom of the gorge was indeed the dragon.

A myriad of golden scales glittered in the water like a treasure hoard itself as the creature basked in the flow of water, seeming to enjoy the feel of it caressing the spiny ridges of its back. He frowned though when he realised it was slowly swinging its head back and forth through the water just downstream of the waterfall’s plunge-pool, jaws slightly open, and it appeared to be… catching fish? Somehow the image didn’t align at all with what he’d expected for a beast that big. Had it just been sitting in the river for a week catching salmon and trout like a fat lordling on a vacation from court life?

Before his bafflement could truly sink in, the sharp clunk of a crossbow loosing somewhere to his right jerked his attention away from the dragon, and before he could react, a thick, oak bolt sank deep into the creature’s shoulder just above its wing membrane and it gave a screeching roar loud enough to make Nye’s eardrums hurt and his mind go a little bit blank from the sheer, unfamiliar dread of it.

With a wild thrash, the dragon erupted out of the spray from the base of the waterfall and sent its tail and powerful hind quarters arcing around like a battering ram while remaining on the ground. The whole structure of the bridge swayed and shuddered as the beast collided with its footing piles, and both the knight and the soldier froze in place with their hands clutching the stone wall.

“Run!” Nye yelled at her, shoving her in the direction of her comrades gathered nervously on the road to their right. If he survived this, he was going to see to it personally that the one who’d loosed without a direct order was on latrine duty for at least six months.

The desperate beating of wings as the creature floundered and screamed again filled the air and the bridge gave way beneath them with a thunderous clamour.

Nye found himself sucked downwards amid a cloud of masonry and dust and the woman beside him screamed and floundered for the remaining edge of the bridge but it was too late.

Amid the clouds of choking dust, gold flashed and flickered, and something incalculably enormous barrelled out of the carnage at them with the force of an avalanche. Talons snatched for him and Nye found himself borne upwards while the scaly foot of a dragon closed around him. The brief thought that he would be punctured and crushed like an egg in his steel armour flitted across his mind as the dragon lurched upwards with a knight in one hand and, to Nye’s relief, a soldier in its other.

It struggled to escape the blocks of sandstone as they rained around them, but despite the bolt in its shoulder, it cleared the wreckage and swooped over the road, but as it banked, the soldier slipped from its grasp and plummeted away. Nye had the vague impression of her bouncing once and sitting upright while crossbow bolts buzzed through the air like summer flies until someone obviously yelled at the soldiers to stop in case they hit Nye.

The last thing he saw before they wheeled away into an open sky was Ruairí’s horrified expression peeking out from the visor of his golden helmet and the sword falling from limp, shocked fingers as his friend was snatched away by the dragon they had been sent to kill.

He wasn’t sure how long they flew northwards along the spine of the Icetide Mountains, but the dragon eventually began to tire, swaying and weaving, sometimes dropping a horrifying ten or twelve feet between wing beats, until a shivering Nye looked up and realised that a wide, snowy field was rapidly coming into focus through the oncoming snow that had started to fill the air perhaps an hour earlier. At the end of the long meadow covered in a perfect layer of deep snow, Nye could just about see a gaping hole in the cliff-face, and realised it must be a cave. Dimly, his mind supplied that this was probably the dragon’s home, and he was probably either about to be eaten or stored for later like a woodlouse in a spiderweb.

As the ground rushed up to meet them, he tried to thrash free of the enormous, curling talons, but he was held firm, and there was no freeing himself. When the dragon didn’t slow down nearly enough though, another thought crossed his mind. They were going to crash land, and he realised this might be it. Death by high-velocity impact with a mountainside wasn’t on the list of ways the Crownsguard knight had ever thought he would perish, but he didn’t have any more time to ponder it as the dragon twisted at the last minute and collided with the ground in a spray of snow, and Nye was tossed from its talons to land in a heap thirty feet from the point of impact.

He struck his head, helmet clanging once, and his consciousness winked out instantly.

Warmth was the next thing he felt, and he blinked his eyes open to find that he was lying on his back in the snow, and above him, a dragon was squinting against the onslaught of a full storm, its ochre eyes fixed on him as it tilted its head this way and that to get a better look at him, and it exhaled again. Its warm breath washed over him and he realised his clothes were soaking wet where the heat of its breath had melted the snow.

Aneirin’s first thought was that he was about to be eaten, but instead of floundering away or reaching for a weapon, he just froze.

“You’re awake,” came a rich, rumbling voice and he blinked. Nothing in the tales he’d ever heard had suggested that dragons were capable of human speech. They were wild, savage beasts that burned the land below them in great swathes and snatched people into the air like owls hunting vermin in a cornfield. “Thank goodness,” the dragon went on, and then sat back on its haunches like a dog to regard him at a bit of a distance. A huge, golden dog, partly covered in snow and bleeding from a barb in its shoulder, but still, the resemblance to a dog was remarkable.

“How… How long was I out?” Aneirin rasped, sitting up. When he didn’t feel sick and his vision didn’t warp, he felt a degree of relief. The concussion he’d suffered wouldn’t be bad.

“Only a minute or so,” the dragon said, lowering its muzzle a little and puffing out again. “But you should get inside before you freeze. The temperature out here is too low for human survival.”

“How would you know that?” he groused as he struggled to stand and then gave a yelp as his ankle gave way beneath him in a hot flash of pain. In all the shock of coming round and finding a dragon in his face, he’d not noticed the pain in his leg.

The dragon caught him in its claws and tightened its hold just enough to hold him steady and he clutched at the tiny, snake skin scales that covered its hand more out of reflex than anything else.

“Come on,” the dragon muttered, and he could hear the bellows of its breathing clearly this close up. The sheer presence of the creature was astonishing, overwhelming, and he swallowed, trying to process everything that had happened that day.

Using three out of its four legs, the dragon ploughed through the deep snow, keeping him aloft with its right front foot, and then it ducked its head and slipped into the cave like a snake disappearing into its den.

Aneirin blinked slowly, looking around. It wasn’t a cold, empty cave littered with carcasses and bones, but instead the walls were smooth, ashlar masonry, and adorned with tapestries. In the far corner was what appeared to be a great nest on a stone platform made of silks and furs.

“This… This isn’t what I’d expected,” he whispered, wondering if he was hallucinating all this.

The dragon chuckled, low and warm and oddly friendly before he sat the knight down on the bed of fabric and stepped back. “I’ll find you something to wrap your ankle. I don’t think it’s broken, but it might like some support…”

“How would you even know that?” he asked again, ignoring the pain and staring up at the creature.

Its sunset orange eyes seemed to laugh and the pupils dilated just a little as the dragon stared at him. Then it cocked its head a little to one side and laughed quietly again. “I have an interest in human scholarship, though I admit, my sources may be a little out of date now…”

“You… what?”

If dragons could look embarrassed, this one managed it, so much so that Nye felt a prickle of shame creep in behind the slightly hysterical exhaustion that was making his body heavy, his mind a bit slow, and his dark eyes incredibly gritty.

Clearly seeing as much, the dragon sighed, a sound like wind moving through woodland, and then said, “Why don’t you rest and we’ll talk more tomorrow?”

“I thought perhaps… uh…” Nye faltered, the shame intensifying.

“That I was going to eat you?” the dragon said, one brow-ridge rising with disconcerting familiarity into a dryly sarcastic expression. “Please, all that pretty, etched steel of yours would give me terrible indigestion.”

“Says the dragon that was gorging on fish in the river like a grizzly bear.”

“Well we don’t exactly have an overabundance of trout up here on the mountaintop,” the dragon retorted, puffing smoke out of its nostrils. “Excuse me for wanting to broaden my diet and make the most of an unfortunate situation. Until you lot came back and shot at me, I was actually enjoying myself. They weren’t the mountain goats I’d been looking for, but the fish were fun to catch and tasty to eat.”

At his words, Nye’s brown eyes slid to the bolt that was sticking out of the dragon’s shoulder still, like a bee’s sting, and his gut twisted. “You want me to take that out for you?” he asked, jutting his chin upwards to indicate the bolt.

“If you would be so kind,” the dragon admitted. “Though I’m surprised you’re offering, since you seem to have been sent to finish me off. It does hurt rather…”

“Here,” he said, and gestured for the dragon to lower its body down, which it did with surprising grace given the close confines and evident discomfort. “My name’s Aneirin,” he added.

“The one with the gold on his helm shouted something different at you as we flew off,” the dragon said as it got settled on the stone floor in front of its nest. “He seemed particularly distressed.”

“‘Nye’, probably,” he said as he reached for the oak bolt and braced his other hand on the scales of the dragon’s shoulder. The body beneath him was solid and warm, and the scales had the most beautiful iridescence to them over the gold lustre beneath. “The prince is the only one who calls me that, except my sister. What should I call you, by the way?”

“My name is —” the dragon began, but grunted and bared its teeth when Nye drew the bolt out. A little blood trickled down, but it wasn’t much, and Nye pressed a wad of clean linen from the pile beneath him to the wound, and the dragon went on. “My name is Vulfuri’ik.”

Nye scowled. “Vul… fury… ick?” he repeated, butchering the syllables and the glottal stop even while they were still fresh in his ears. “Never been much good with languages,” he added with a wry look at the dragon, who was regarding him sidelong with a flat, unimpressed sort of look at his poor efforts. “How about I call you ‘Fury’ instead?”

Indignant, the dragon’s head lurched up and the movement pulled the makeshift dressing away from the clotting wound as it fixed the knight with a scowl of outrage. “Fury? Fury?!” it repeated. “My name means ‘peaceful wanderer’, you know? It’s a name that’s been carried by many of the noblest males of my line!”

“I’d been wondering if you were male or female,” Nye mumbled. “Well, I can certainly try to pronounce your name — what was it again?”

“Vulfuri’ik,” he said with exaggerated pronunciation, huge teeth clicking when he snapped his jaws shut at the end of the word and glared down at the knight.

“Vool… fur…eek…”

“Oh for the love of the sky, no. No. Just stick with Fury. That’s fine. You’ll only be here for one night anyway. Once you’ve healed up and I’ve convinced you to tell your kind to stop shooting your nasty little bolts at me if I ever need to venture down into the valley, I’ll take you back to the road and I’ll never have to hear you spoil my sacred name with that tiny little tongue of yours.”

“My tongue’s had quite a few compliments, you know?” Nye shot, not entirely sure where the bout of playful innuendo had come from. Perhaps it was exhaustion and the fact that he was trading gentle insults back and forth with a creature that was only supposed to exist in legends now anyway.

“I’m sure,” Fury said dryly. “But until you decide that I can test that claim for myself, why don’t you take your little metal shell off and I’ll find you a goat or something you can eat, and then you can rest.”

Nye had to smile. The creature was supposed to be intimidating, and in a way he supposed he was, but the sense of humour was not something he’d been expecting. As he stripped off the various pieces of his plate armour, he felt the dragon’s curious eyes on him and turned to meet his gaze. In the stillness that swung between them, Nye sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said, gaze snagging on the scab that had formed over the hole where the crossbow quarrel had sunk into his shoulder. “When we’d heard that a monster from the mists of time had crashed down on the border of our kingdom, we only thought to protect ourselves from you. Clearly, you were just… raiding our larder…”

The dragon laughed, deep and rumbling like a rock slide, and something shot through Nye that he wasn’t expecting to feel. He didn’t often seek out the company and touch of others, despite his momentary brag earlier. It just wasn’t something he felt the need for, but in that moment, the way the dragon’s voice rippled through him and his supple lips pulled back to reveal a maw full of sharp, white teeth, and his talons flexed on the stonework floor and his wings drew a little closer to his muscular, lithe body… Nye felt his cock twitch and decided he might actually have a concussion after all.

The dragon left not long after that, and returned with a neatly butchered and roasted goat, which surprised the knight, who had been poking around the large, chilly cave and hopping awkwardly to avoid putting weight on his sprained ankle.

“You shouldn’t be up,” the dragon purred as he landed and held out the goat on one talon. “Here.”

“You want me to eat out of your hand? Bold. We’ve only just met.”

The dragon’s laugh sounded again, only longer and louder this time, and he looked at the steel hanging on Nye’s hip. “I thought you could use that. It’s not the most elegant of solutions, but I don’t exactly have a full dinner service here. I don’t collect crockery like an old lady.”

It was Nye’s turn to bark a laugh at that, and he shook his head. “Alright, I’ll use my castle-forged steel sword as a carving knife, but just this once.”

“I hope it’s clean,” the dragon grimaced.

“I take good care of my weapon,” he said, and then hoped the dragon wouldn’t notice the flush in his face at the horrible and actually unintended innuendo. Definitely a concussion. He was never this bold or unguarded with people ordinarily.

“Glad to hear it,” Fury muttered dryly.

Fury let Nye sleep on the pile of fabric that night while he curled up on the floor like an overgrown, gold-adorned house-cat, and Nye found that he had no trouble drifting off whatsoever, and woke to find the snowstorm raging outside the cave entrance when he woke the following morning.

Over the next three days, while his ankle healed and the snow piled up, he and Fury talked. The cave he was living in was the remnants of a human outpost from the time when dragons and humans had apparently once lived in peace. “This cavern was actually where the dragon would have lived, while their rider would stay in a small room below — through that tunnel,” Fury said, astonishing Nye with the information.

“Their… ‘rider’?”

“Mmm,” the dragon rumbled, puffing a small flame over his tongue to ignite a torch on the wall beside an opening large enough for a human to walk down. “Every room in this little termite mound of an outpost is accessible to my kind as well, though I have to go outside and back in again. Something to do with the structure of the rock not being sound enough to tunnel down from here. There are other rooms below.”

“Yes, sure, but… rider?”

“Oh. Has your kind forgotten that?”

“Forgotten what? All we know about dragons is that you’re deadly, fire breathing lizards who —”

“Reptiles, yes,” he growled. “But not lizards. Lizards do not spit volatile compounds which ignite when combined.”

“That’s how your fire is made?”

“Yes, it’s a simple bio-chemical reaction. Don’t they teach you anything these days?”

“I… You know what, no. Dragon biology wasn’t covered in my training to become a knight.”

“No, but they do cover how hard you need to hit a fellow man and where to cut him open to make him die… Very refined.”

“You’re one sarcastic lizard, you know that?”

Instead of taking offence, the dragon grinned at him. “Gosh, it’s wonderful to have company,” he sighed. “I know I shouldn’t enjoy it too much, since you’re only still here because you’re hurting and there’s a snowstorm and all, but I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve actually… you know… exchanged words with someone. I talk to myself all the time, but it’s not the same.”

“When was the last time? Are you the only dragon in these parts?”

“I’m the only dragon for at least five hundred miles,” he sighed. “And she’s a big, grumpy elder dragon who thinks I’m still a hatchling for goodness sake! A hatchling! I’m very much an adult, and I’m sorry my gizzard isn’t saggy enough for her tastes, but there you have it.”

Nye laughed and then rolled his ankle around experimentally. “I think it’s basically healed,” he said. “But it’s been an unexpectedly nice change from castle duties. Keeping the prince from falling down a staircase because he’s too busy flirting with some lording’s son has it’s own challenges, sure, but this is a nice change of pace.”

“You and the prince are… close?” Fury asked carefully. “But you are not… mated?”

“Mated? Gods no. They wouldn’t let him ‘mate’ his Crownsguard. He’s expected to continue the line, and I know you know enough about human biology to know that wouldn’t happen with the two of us, even if we wanted it.”

“Oh. Yes,” he said. “Is it… acceptable for two of your kind to mate though?”

“Yeah, when the future of a kingdom doesn’t hang in the balance,” he shrugged. “You?”

He nodded. “Dragons do not dictate with whom another may mate, though I admit, I’ve only ever met one of my kind. There are so few of us left in these parts after all.”

That rather dampened the mood, and they spent the rest of the evening discussing lighter topics. Nye told him about his twin sister and the work she did in the Temple of Healing, and how he had always felt like she was the smart one out of the two of them. He told Fury of her passion for healing and helping, and how he felt that his role as a knight in the castle, training younger soldiers and protecting the crown prince, was barely halfway as useful as Seren’s work, and was surprised when Fury reassured him that helping to ensure the longevity of a ruler he valued was just as important.

“I realise I don’t know you all that well,” Fury said, “But I don’t think you would stand behind a ruler who did not care for their people.”

Nye looked down at his rough, scar-flecked hands where he had cradled them idly in his lap. “Ruairí is a good man,” he said with quiet certainty, thinking of that fire-lit camp and their warm smiles and boyish laughter. “The soldiers love him, and the people adore him too. You should see the way they cheer for him at the tourneys…”

“Tell me about them?” Fury asked, his eyes lighting up at the idea of more knowledge.

“The tourneys or the people?”

“All of it…”

So he did.

While the snowstorm continued to whisk the world into a white haze outside, Nye told the dragon everything he wanted to know about how humans in his kingdom lived these days, and in turn, Fury curled around him to keep him warm with the heat of his enormous, golden body.

Nye talked late into the night, and he only realised that the dragon had fallen asleep when he noted the regular rhythm of his breathing had slowed even more than usual. Turning, he stared at the dragon and marvelled at what he was seeing. The light of the nearby fire in a niche in the wall caught the iridescence of his golden scales, each one unique and perfect, and Nye reached out and ran his fingertips over the dragon’s brow-ridge and around the base of the horn that curved elegantly backwards over his head. The dragon let out a long, low, sleepy rumble of pleasure and Nye gave a sigh.

Conflicted about his feelings for a creature that was about as far from a human as it was possible to get, he curled up against the dragon’s side that night, and woke in the morning with the dragon’s arm snugging him close to his warm body.

Sliding free, Nye stretched and walked easily across the cave floor towards the entrance; his ankle was healed and he would have to return home soon, lest he be pronounced dead and the modest estate he owned outside the city be turned over to someone else. His sister must be beside herself with grief and worry too, if the prince had done what Nye was sure he would, and informed her personally of what had happened to her twin brother.

The wind had lost its vigour and now the little flakes drifted gently down like the pattern on a lace curtain.

A warm breeze wafted over his neck and he turned to find that Fury had come to stand behind him. He’d been so lost in his thoughts that he’d not heard the enormous, golden dragon moving behind him, and he exhaled too. Fury nuzzled him gently and crooned softly. “You are thoughtful,” he said. “Even… sad?”

“Just thinking about what my sister must be going through right now, thinking I’m dead.”

“I will fly you back today,” the dragon replied immediately. “The weather is not ideal for you, but I have a human friend who keeps horses on the plains below these mountains. You can borrow a mount from her and ride to the capital. If I try to approach, they’ll shoot me down on sight without realising what a precious cargo I would be carrying,” he added, and huffed a breath out that made Nye shiver again. “You’re cold standing here on the threshold, come,” Fury added, scowling.

“Not cold,” Nye said, his voice cracking just a little. “It’s nice.”

“Oh. You had but to ask,” he smiled, and sighed out another deliciously hot breath in the cold air.

Nye brought his hand to the delicate skin between the flared nostrils and Fury jolted and then relaxed in almost the same heartbeat. “You like that?”

“Mm, very much,” he rumbled, eyes rolling slightly as he closed them. “Your touch is… wonderful.”

Nye moved his hands along the dragon’s head, taking his time to feel the contours beneath his hands, and Fury gasped and lay down on his belly, allowing Nye to touch him wherever he pleased. “You’re so beautiful,” Nye murmured. “Your scales are like coins… You’re like a treasure yourself…”

“Oh,” the dragon sighed, shuddering bodily.

“What?”

“That’s… That’s quite the compliment among our kind… calling someone — ah — a treasure…”

“You are,” he said, leaning closer and kissing him just in front of his closed eye. “You’re rarer than gold, too.”

“Charmer,” the dragon rumbled, but he sounded pleased. “Oh, that’s wonderful.”

“You… You want… more?”

Fury opened his eyes and regarded Nye. “I don’t want to hurt you…”

“You’re careful,” Nye said. “And clever. I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Fury let out a long, low-frequency growl that Nye felt in every fibre of his body, and then licked his lips. “I want to use my tongue on you,” the dragon rasped. “I want to taste you. I want�� I want you, human. Like I’ve never wanted anything before.”

“So long as you’re careful, you can have me,” Nye said, stepping back and undressing slowly.

The dragon watched, as though Nye were a priceless statue that was being unveiled just for his pleasure. He rocked his hips from time to time against the floor, and Nye realised with a jolt of satisfaction that the dragon was as aroused by the situation as he was. “Fuck, you like this, don’t you?”

“I like you, human,” he said with a bit of a snarl to his tone. And when Nye’s dark, linen trousers and underwear hit the cave floor beside his shirt, the dragon raised his head and exhaled to drive away the goosebumps that had prickled over Nye’s skin. “Let me pick you up?” he breathed.

Nye inclined his head, and the dragon’s claws closed around his naked body. He’d never felt so vulnerable and cherished and so turned on in all his life. He went limp in the dragon’s grasp even as the sharp teeth and lashing tongue descended, seemingly to devour him. Somehow, he trusted that this was not the way he would die.

Fury parted his jaws and let his searing hot tongue lave over Nye’s entire torso and down to his groin where his cock was straining and leaking already, and when the heat of Fury’s mouth washed over him, his mind went blank with pleasure. “Gods, that’s good,” he gasped, bucking weakly in Fury’s careful hold.

“Now who’s a treasure, look at you,” the dragon purred, his deep voice skittering through Nye’s body and setting every nerve ablaze.

His tongue pressed against his cock, the friction perfect, and Nye tumbled towards his release with a shout, arching and writhing helplessly in his hold as the dragon worshipped him. When he came against his tongue, Fury gave a great groan of pleasure and Nye’s hearing warped for a moment.

When he came back to himself, Nye found Fury’s tongue gently cleaning him, and he glanced dazedly down the dragon’s belly to where he found his hard cock dripping freely onto the floor. “You can… Use… me to make you come, if… if you like…” he said vaguely.

Fury laid him down the bed and lined his hard cock up with the knight’s thighs. He was far too big to enter him, but the feel of Nye’s legs around his hard, slick cock was enough to send a rumble of ecstasy through Fury and he gasped, tilting his head up to the ceiling and rutting against him. His hips moved desperately and a constant, low-frequency growling rippled out of him.

“You’re going to make me come,” Fury groaned. “Oh I’m going to come, I’m coming… I’m…”

He lifted Nye up in his talons while his back legs pistoned helplessly, and he spilled over the silk sheet beneath him and halfway up Nye’s legs and torso. His hot come covered Nye’s skin despite the dragon’s best efforts to raise him out of it, and the feel of it around his cock and over his abs nearly made him come again right on the heels of his first orgasm.

When the dragon finally stopped, he lowered Nye to the cleaner part of the bed and let out a long, rumbling purr. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Nye chuckled. “Fuck, that was hot.”

Fury gently cleaned him and he dressed in one of the finer silk shirts from the dragon’s collection.

“Is this what you hoard then?” Nye asked, plucking at the sleeve of the garment.

“Mmm? Oh, no,” came Fury’s sleepy reply from where he’d curled up on his nest after discarding the fabric that had been ruined by his release. “I just collected it for my own comfort over the years. Come here.”

Nye lay down with him and let the dragon’s warmth seep into him while the world passed them by for another day. They made love again later, and Fury took his time to take Nye apart a second, third, and even a fourth time before the sun set on their secret lair.

The following morning though, Fury woke to find Nye dressed in his armour and ready to leave. “Wait,” the beautiful, gentle, golden dragon said. “Before you go, I want you to see something. Go down that staircase, and I will meet you at the other end.”

Nye nodded and headed off in the direction the dragon had pointed, turning down a switchback staircase cut into the rock. He came out in a pitch dark room with no idea how large the echoing space was until a warm light trickled around the edge in a creeping tide. He looked and found, astonished, that a channel of oil had been ignited, and the light was racing around the perimeter of a massive chamber, at the centre of which were rows and rows of… books.

Kept at a safe distance from the fire, the books were stored on stone shelves, and he stepped out to find ancient tomes, perfectly preserved by the stable atmosphere and humidity of the chamber. From behind him, he heard the steady footsteps of the dragon, and turned to find him rounding the corner, scales shimmering in the low light.

“This is your hoard?” he asked.

“Mm,” the dragon nodded. “Silly really, but your kind are fascinating to me. The way you chronicle everything… Look there,” he added and pointed to a nearby shelf. The two approached it together and the dragon raised a talon to a particular tome.

Nye drew it off the shelf and realised it was a tome dedicated to healing.

“That might help the lord you told me about. The one who was travelling to the capital for relief from his illness,” Fury said. “When you described his symptoms to me, I thought of that book. Take it with you today, and it might save him if your sister can prepare the necessary tinctures for him.”

The knight looked up at the dragon and his eyes brimmed with quiet tears. “You’re not at all what I thought you’d be,” he croaked.

Fury lowered his head and exhaled just to make Nye shiver. “Nor are you, human.”

With a heavy heart, Nye let Fury pick him up, and they began their journey southwards in silence. The wind roared in his ears and he curled up in the protective embrace of the dragon’s claws, enjoying the ride but wishing he had warmer clothes.

Eventually they dipped low over the landscape and Fury touched down in a snow-dusted pasture while a few horses scattered and whinnied indignantly at their arrival.

From the small farmhouse nearby, a middle aged woman emerged and put her hands on her hips when she saw the dragon.

“Your friend?” Nye asked as he was set gently down in the snow and Fury stepped back.

Eliara was wary of a stranger at first, though not of the huge, golden dragon it seemed, but when Fury vouched for him, she lent Aneirin a horse on the condition that he would bring the mare back to her in the same condition when he was able. He swore an oath to do so, and she seemed satisfied.

“Will I ever see you again?” Nye asked Fury while they stood on the snowy road outside the barn where some of the less hardy horses were kept.

Fury bit his lower lip and then said, “If you wish it, I can give you a gift that will allow you to see me again.”

“I do,” he said. “I… I want to tell Ruairí that you’re not an enemy to the kingdom but an ally. I want him to meet you. I want… I want you to be welcome in our lands. Providing you don’t eat our sheep…”

He rumbled a low laugh and dipped his head to nuzzle Nye’s side. The horse seemed completely unbothered by his presence. “No, precious one. I will not eat your people’s sheep. There are plenty of wild ones to sustain me.” He drew in a deep breath and held it before rising up to reveal his chest and exhaling gently. Taking his talons like two pincers, he plucked free a single, golden scale from right over his heart and held it out to Nye.

The knight took it like it was a sacred relic and held it in the palm of his hand. Its warmth was surprising, and he closed his fingers around it before looking up for an explanation.

“My magic will allow me to feel what you feel when you hold it against your skin, Nye,” he said. “If you wish to see me, I will know it, and I will come.”

Nye squeezed it tight and tried to ignore the ache in his chest. “I wish you could come with me now,” he said, “But you’re right. They would attack you this time.”

“Perhaps in the future,” Fury smiled. “Don’t be sad… It… I do not like to feel you sad…”

Nye kissed the smooth scales between the dragon’s nostrils and tucked the gifted scale safely into the pouch on his belt. “I’ll have it made into a pendant that I can wear around my neck, always.”

Fury swallowed thickly and looked away, but he was obviously deeply moved by the promise.

Eliara’s palomino mare might have been alright with the dragon’s presence, but she was not at all happy at the prospect of a ride in the snow. She did allow Nye to mount, though only after making her sentiments known with a hefty nip on his arm. With an oath to return the mare and a promise to the dragon to summon him when he was first able to, Nye set off for the capital.

Eliara’s stud was only a day’s ride from the city walls, and when Nye trotted in near sunset, the first place he went was the Temple of Healing. Seren screeched when she saw her brother and flew at him, looping her arms around his neck and sobbing. “I thought you were dead,” she cried. “The prince said…”

“Hush,” he smiled, holding her too. “It’s quite the tale, but first, this is for you. It is for Lord Mortingale.”

Thanks to the lost knowledge in the book, the lord was healed within in a month, and Nye returned to his life in the castle. Ruairí begged him to tell every detail of his time with the dragon, and while Nye was a loyal servant to the crown, he felt justified in not telling his prince quite everything… Magister Ferrar seemed to suspect a deeper bond existed between the two of them than simple friendship, but if he did, he kept that to himself.

When spring melted the snow and the crocuses pushed their bold, purple spearheads through the frosty ground to liven up the pastures, Nye took the mare and his own black gelding which Ruairí had led back to the castle when he’d been snatched away by Fury, and he returned the mare to Eliara.

Then, in the privacy of the deserted, wildflower meadow, he took the silver pendant that he had had crafted for him and cradled it in his hand, closing his eyes and trying to beg the dragon silently to come to him.

He waited in the pasture for an hour before he heard the beating of wings and when he looked up into the clear, spring sky, he saw a flash of gold and his heart leapt. The dragon banked, showing his gleaming wings, and a huge gout of flame burst from his maw across the sky like a pennant before he turned, tucked his wings, and made a peregrine dive towards the meadow.

He barely stopped in time to avoid crushing Nye beneath him, and when he nuzzled him like a cat over and over, rumbling and purring and crooning, Nye laughed and kissed him. “I missed you too, Fury,” he said.

“You have no idea,” the dragon replied. “Gods, you have no idea. Are you well?”

“Can’t you tell?” he asked, only then releasing the large pendant to dangle back against his chest.

“Yes,” Fury laughed. “Yes, I can. My most precious treasure, you are happy and I love it. I missed you. Will you fly with me?”

Nye turned and looked back to find Eliara standing at a polite distance. The horsewoman nodded once and called, “I’ll keep your gelding for you til you return.”

“Thank you,” he said.

And with that, the dragon picked him up and thrashed his wings hard, taking off and soaring up into the clear sky.

Nye spent a week at Fury’s home, and after that, he returned to the capital with Fury this time.

Ruairí was the first to greet the dragon, and he swore that Fury could come and go from their city in peace, so long as he respected the same bargain. Fury solemnly gave his oath in return. The second human to greet Fury was Seren, and the two spent a solid three hours talking about healing treatises until Nye and the prince interrupted politely with an offer of refreshments. Fury had no time for Magister Ferrar, apparently.

Thus, the ancient alliance between dragon and human was reforged by a knight and his golden dragon, and Nye spent the days when he wasn’t at his prince’s side in the loving arms of his dragon.

__

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[cookierunlorelibrary]

Map Problems: Part 1

So, I was looking at the canon map that was released for some of our theories and just... Just no. It hurts me to even look at as it is widely inaccurate and outdated. Some places don’t even exist anymore or they haven’t even been added, so enjoy the rant I am about to go on. 

The problem with this map is, however, it makes no logical sense... 

First of all; we are told in the game that Beast Yeast is North-East of Dragon’s Valley (DV), no biggie, right? Well, actually, it’s also supposed to be connected. It is NE of DV and resides in/near the Licorice Sea as stated in the game, however, here it is just floating away near Crispia and the Jellyfish Ocean. The Licorice Sea does not exist and therefore, it cannot be in the right position regardless. 

A secondary problem that occurred was that the Giant Icing Ridge is too close to a tropical climate to be considered to be what it is, meaning that, while the Cacao Kingdom would be cold, it would not get to the temperatures to become an icy wasteland where cookies cannot reside without help. It would be a cooler climate, yes, but it wouldn’t be considered an artic or even all year round snowy place. 

Realistically, the City of Wizards (CoW) is placed in a weird spot, it is coastal and by the sea, however, it would be much closer to Cacao’s Kingdom (CK) than Hollyberry’s (HBK) as it also holds the Tower of Frozen Waves, which shouldn’t exist anymore by the way. The CoW also has a much cooler climate compared to the tropical, Venice-like weather the HBK has. Not to mention, the CoW is told to be in the mountains, which is not here. 

Another possible problem is that the Vanilla Kingdom (VK), is that it is close to the Lake of Truth. Now, this wouldn’t be a problem, but unfortunately it is as the VK is a barren wasteland. After the attack there has been no vegetation growth, there are only dead trees and they are in a severe drought to the point only raisin birds and old raisin residents could survive, the rest of the Vanillians high-tailed it out of there. (Also has anyone even heard of the Blood Jam mountains...?) If they live close to a lake, sure it would take over a hundred years to rehydrate, there would be vegetation growth. However, later in the game, during the Council episodes, it’s shown that the plants have nearly grown back. But that is a problem for another time because I’m not going into the map of tree growth right now. (Picture is to show the drought.)

Even the Sugar Free Road makes no sense as it is shown that Vanilla goes through multiple mountain ranges to reach what is basically “enlightenment”, however, the map never goes through mountains. It is shown they go around through valleys. So this man is either a liar or a fake (/j). It is a possibility but could be the Judgement Ravine, however, this is shown to be nowhere near the mountain ranges. If we wanted it to make more sense climate-wise and just in general, move it more towards the Secret Fig Forest, as well as the Dessert Paradise. 

While Golden Cheese hasn’t been released yet, the original positioning is not up to date and is a major issue with the map. We can assume Golden Cheese’s Kingdom is the one nestled between the Cream Cake Mountains, as originally her kingdom was to be in a Valley. Now that wouldn’t be a major issue because it’s in a valley, it is supposedly in a tropical climate, it’s sorted. 

Well... 

IT’S IN A DESERT?!

WE DON’T HAVE ROOM ON THE MAP FOR A DESERT!

The map is too small to hold everything and if you want us to believe anything you say, there is either no desert or you’ve moved GC’s Kingdom into a place it cannot possibly be. 

Deserts are formed in mountain ranges in which rain clouds cannot reach, however, this is the secondary problem, they have slapped it smack bang next to... You guessed it... THE OCEAN. 

But anyway, this is going to have to wait for another day, Spiced is wanting to tell me about a lizard they found at the entrance. 

Till we meet again, reader. - Maple Pecan Cookie 

[beardedmrbean]

Brother, want some news that made me big mad to hear?

In my hometown a couple weeks ago someone shot a California Condor and now the Games warden is tearing ass to get the guy that did it.

Got any fun facts about that bird to brighten the day or do you wanna suffer with me?

We finally got those off the critically endangered list a year or so ago I thought, ain't just gonna be the game warden going after him. Feds are gonna get in on that and not the FBI but one of the ones that actually does its job.

Wrong about the critically endangered, but we're getting there.

Here's a kinda weird infodump that plays in no particular order, except the last 3 images because I noticed they were numbered.

Here's from 2019

Went through like 15 pages to find a good video, birdoftheweek was on the first page.

Looks like there's a bunch over at Pinnacles, used to hike and climb there all the time but there were no condors that I can recall from the mid to late 90's.

Let's see what the Park Service has to say, (they say there were I'll trust them)

California condors once ranged from British Columbia, Canada down to Baja California, Mexico. This range shrank with the increase of European settlers moving west. The causes of the decrease in condors included poisoning, shooting, habitat degradation, and the collection of eggs and feathers. By the late 1800s, naturalists were already making note of the California condors’ declining numbers and in 1967, condors were listed as an endangered species. Despite this protection, their population continued to decrease and dropped to a low of 22 individuals in the 1980s. All wild condors were then trapped and placed in captive breeding programs in an effort to save the species from extinction.

Since 1992, captive-bred condors have been released at five different sites in western North America (Pinnacles National Park, Big Sur, Hopper Mountain Wildlife Refuge Complex, Vermillion Cliffs, and Baja California). Each release site monitors the flock’s behaviors, movements, nesting attempts, and mortalities. Pinnacles joined the recovery program in 2003 with the release of 2 captive-bred condors on December 20th. In 2016, the first condor chick since 1898 (condor 828) fledged from a nest within Pinnacles. Since their reintroduction, condor numbers in the wild have slowly increased thanks to wild nesting and the release of captive-bred condors. As of the end of 2018, there were a total of 488 condors in the world, with 312 of those flying free in the wild. However, condors today are still dying due to lead poisoning, consuming litter and microtrash, and electrocution from power poles. Learn more about what you can do to help condors and other wildlife here.

ones over by Pinnacles might be in the group for your local deal, or maybe there's other groups in the area too.

Speaking of that area, can I just tell you how confusing it was for me as someone who had done the 152 run oodles and oodles of times when the Hollister clothing brand came out and made it big.

All I could think was who in the world would think that's a place that should have a "cool" clothing brand named after it.

Few years later I learned it was a gap thing and most people had no clue Hollister was a real place, lol.

You may proceed to laugh at me now.

[azerothtravel]

What are your favourite questing zones? Even the stuff that’s been removed by now

That's a tough question! I had to think about it for a while since there's so much to sift through. I'll do one from each expansion just 'cuz this is gonna be long enough. I think overall...

Western Plaguelands (Vanilla version). Gathering the Scourge Stones for the Argent Dawn. Meeting Chromie for the first time. The big fight with the lich. Having to be so strategic getting to and away from those cauldrons. Fordring family drama. Most of vanilla had this really nice feel of just wandering around getting into trouble, but WP had a like "now it's serious" vibe that was really fun.

Netherstorm. Man, I loved Netherstorm. The biospheres, the cursed Kirin Tor village, Socrethar, the netherdrake area, the BE's mana pumps, the whole place felt like the wildest thing that had ever been in WoW to that point. Dr. Boom! All that crazy stuff up on the north with the Consortium. It was a ride.

Borean Tundra. It's really hard to pick from Wrath, but I just loved the intro experience. Investigating the destroyed Horde camp, meeting the tuskarr, that gnomish airfield, using tanks for the first time, the assault on the necropolis, and of course Saurfang's big hero turn in that one quest. So much cool stuff. A great way to get an expac started.

Twilight Highlands. The world PVP elements really stick out to me from this zone. I spent so much time in the dwarf vs. orc conflict. But also founding the Horde base there, the Krazzworks was absurd, getting our first gross look at the Old Gods stuff that was coming in the final raid, the Gob Squad, Alextrasza Vs. Deathwing... It was a cool zone.

The Dread Wastes. I loved leveling in Pandaria so much. It felt like a return to the wandering adventurer vibe of vanilla, now with stronger storylines. But the entire Klaxxi storyline was such a weird surprise. That zone was so bizarre, so unexpected. Waking the Paragons, finding that fishing village, my big homie Kovok... I had a lot of fun in that crazy place. Naturally they betrayed me, but what else could I expect?

Frostfire Ridge. Kind of similar to Borean Tundra, I guess, just a very memorable intro experience. Starting your garrison, meeting Thrall's family, and all the drama therein. The first time you assault Bladespire Fortress, seeing Thrall unleash the elements, climbing that chain... That was fun. And despite the results on this list so far, I've always really, really loved snowy zones, so there's that too. Also: I spent hours and hours and hours in vanilla climbing every mountain I could, just to see what was up there. The answer was almost always "nothing." But WoD, and Frostfire more specifically, was the first time they started hiding cool items and little events in random spots for me to go find while exploring. Finally, a reward for my wandering! So that really sticks out, too.

Suramar. This may be controversial, but Legion is my least favorite expansion. Gameplay-wise, it was great, don't get me wrong. Artifact weapons were cool and all. But it had a combination of the most absurd, lazy retcons they have literally ever done (How are have all these civilizations been living on these islands for 10000 years if Gul'dan raised them from the bottom of the sea 30 years ago?????) and some really annoying zones. Val'sharah is my all-time least favorite zone, I felt like I constantly got lost or couldn't get where I wanted to go from where I was. But then came Suramar. The Nightbourne are stupid, literally the exact same thing as the blood elves ("Oh, no, we're another race of arcane loving elves with a well of power who're addicted to magic and whose once-noble leader has thrown in with the Burning Legion, totally different!"), but damn if I didn't get totally absorbed in the revolution storyline in the city. Helping Thalyssera recover, finding like-minded people, basically spending the whole zone doing espionage and terrorism against a corrupt government in what was, at that point, the most expansive city in the game... It was fun, I can't lie. That daily challenge with the lil withered army. The masquerade. The winery. The zoo part??? It was a really different experience.

Zuldazar. Leveling sure was weird in BfA, huh? Each side getting 3 zones and all. And, like, despite my obvious Horde preference, I feel like the Alliance got the cooler ones (Stormsong Valley and Drustvar in particular). On the Horde side, tho, Zuldazar was pretty good. Finally, a look at a troll civilization still at full power, lush environments, dinosaurs, conspiracies, creepy temples, it had a lot going for it, and was really pretty, too.

Maldraxxus. Gotta give it up for my hometown, baybeeeee! I was not excited to choose the Necrolords in Shadowlands. They just didn't seem as interesting as the others, and I've never had much affinity for the undead, and they kinda looked like just the undead place. But the whole lore kit of them being the army of the afterlife, and me being a warrior and all, and then I find out Draka's there, and I'm an orc? No choice. But imagine my surprise when Necrolord turns out the be the absolute most fun Convenant, no question, and their zone turns out to be full of weird, wild experiences, a really compelling storyline, and the most lore characters per capita of any zone (Mograine! Lady Vashj! Mankrik's wife!!). I had a great time running around that zone for not just the leveling experience, but the whole expansion.

Azure Span. Maybe too early to call, but Dragonflight has no zones I don't like. This is unheard of in the history of WoW. I think I like Ohn'ahran Plains the least, but I like all of 'em! But I think Azure Span wins. For one thing, snowy zones. For another thing, the glorious return of the tuskarr, who I have loved since Wrath and badly wish was a playable race (Gormorash has only had "of Iskarra" as his title since I got it. Come back for soup!). Plus, a bit of justice for Sindragosa, Kalec's storyline in the zone is remarkably touching, the Kirin Tor stuff is weird and frequently funny, the Rannan and Lathos storyline hits pretty hard... Even surrounded by really memorable zones, it feels the most memorable.

Well, I guess that's my very long answer! I hope it was interesting! Honestly, it coulda been like twice as long, there's so many zones that I think of fondly, but this seems like plenty. Thanks for asking!

[kovacs-of-courage]

Odd Company

There will be a day, that despite all of Legend’s groveling and pseudo frustration, in which he’ll come to terms with the odd quirks, and frankly bizarre habits of brothers.

Today was not that day.

They were deep within the bowels of a temple, what Legend assumed used to be a place of religious reverence. The crumbling statues, chiseled with their hands clasped together in prayer, which were placed around certain sigils of the golden goddesses gave him that guess, and the biblical-esque commandments that littered the floor. 

They’d decided to split up at the entrance, to cover more ground. The temple was built into the side of a mountain, its entrance made in the bust of a mighty warrior ages past, or maybe ages future?  Legend gave up on trying to tell what timezone they were the moment that Valor tried explaining to him the common history of his era. 

Once inside, Legend offered to handle the higher floors, which got a raised eyebrow from more than a few of his brothers. He typically liked to be in the front seat of whatever danger they might be facing, so the idea that he wanted to head topside, where there’d be less traps and less monsters, stuck out to them. Legend had his reasons, like how most of the locked doors and sealed chambers that these types of temples contained tended to be on lower levels, and the keys to access them tended to be located as far and as annoyingly away as the architects thought possible.

Before he’d gone up the stairs, Traveler volunteered to go with him, if only so he had someone to watch his back. 

Legend appreciated that.

What Legend did not appreciate, was what Traveler was doing now.

“Y’know I’ve heard people say that licking these things lets you commune with the gods, but you have to boil them first.”

Legend, arm deep in a rusty, dusted chest, froze for a moment, if to contemplate what in the golden realms was Traveler talking about. He sprung up from the chest, and turned to see Traveler holding--

Was that a frog?

A luminescent, red spotted frog was held in his friend’s hands. It glowed brighter and hotter than any lantern, Legend could feel the heat radiating off of it’s bumped, textured skin like it was coming from a campfire. He didn’t know how Traveler was holding it, visibly excited no less.

“Let’s not do that, and seco-wait, wait, who says this? Who are you talking about?” Legend asked, more confused than irritated.

Traveler made a pondering hum, thinking over his experiences. He put the frog under his armpit, much like how a student might carry their book bag, counting on both his hands.

“Well there was that old man selling potions outside North Castle, and he told me that right before Zel--Dawn had to detain him on charges of alchemy without a license. That was a shame too, because they were good potio-”. “Oh so the illegal chemist told you, and now licking random animals is fine.” Legend said, cutting him off.

“Don’t get on your high horse here, you catch bees as a hobby, beekeeper boy.” Traveler retorted. “Oh?!? And that’s weirder than the animal licking? Name one other person who says licking frogs is a thing you should do.” Legend exclaimed.

“Fine, I will! There was a pastor in Saria that had them as home medicine for common diseases, and they worked fine.” Traveler said. “So that's a weird pastor, and the illegal potion dealer- fantastic track record.” Legend said.

“So when you meet old men in caves and woods, what they say is “advice” and “tips”, but when I take advice from strangers, it’s bad?” Traveler inquired, a hand on his hip. At this point, Legend’s head was in hands, in disbelief he was having this argument. “Oh Nayr-YES, YES, because I don’t just go with every random hint I’m told! I think critically about it.”

Traveler shook his head, still holding the frog under his other arm, who was strangely content in watching them fight.

“Nope, no, nado pal. You told me that the magic powder in your pouch was from gathering mushrooms in lost woods for a witch, how is that any different from the potion seller, and the frog.” Traveler said.

“Well she didn’t get arrested for one.” Legend shot back.

“How is she going to get arrested if Ganon had driven the royal family, and the actual government, into hiding?” “That’s semantics!” Legend said, crossing his arms.

Traveler didn’t respond, as a set of stomping footfalls up the stairs at the room’s entrance grabbed their attention, they both readied their swords in an instant, preparing for whatever monster had come to check on the noise.

“What are you two TALKING ABOUT”

It wasn’t a monster, and for some reason, Legend wished it was.

Wind stood in the doorway, a scowl painted on his face. 

“We can hear you from the basement, you keep screwing up Twi and Wild’s timing on a puzzle.”

“We thought you two were in danger.”

Legend was unabashed, not turned away by Wind’s anger. He wasn’t leaving this without proving his point, so help him Din.

“Oh Traveler’s is going to be, REAL soon if he goes through with what he was doing.”

Wind whipped to face Traveler, and noticed the frog, and his expression changed to one of sudden realization.

“Oh were you going to lick that? You know you’re supposed to boil them first?” “For the LOVE O-”

[cherrybombfangirl]

What's In Idaho?

@ginevrastilinski !!! here's your girl Darcy getting retraumatized and me projecting a lot of my religious trauma onto her, as promised <3 also this was 6,000 words actually, the religious trauma was stronger than I thought, oh well 😅

Content Warnings: heavily implied/referenced child abuse (physical, mental, and religious), lots of evangelical/fundamentalist cult shit, death and murder, descriptions of blood, lots of very strong swearing, Darcy's religious trauma, Darcy's shitty foster care experience and even shittier foster 'parents', brief mention of sex, gun violence

fair warning, I barely edited this, and there's a lot of places where I just plucked down brackets of [such and such happens here], and I might fill them in much much later.

After escaping the Roman demigod camp on the Argo 2, the others realize that they need to get a certain artifact that will help them in Europe that I will decide the details on later. Unfortunately, Darcy knows exactly where it is, and they have to go dig it up in a small town in Idaho where her worst foster home was.

~

Darcy closed her eyes and pinched her nose.

There was no way.

There was no way that the object Piper was describing from her knife was the same little box.

Reluctantly, she spoke up. “Uh, Piper, It wouldn’t happen to be uh-” She held up her hands to approximate the small size. “-yeh big, blue, and with a magical enchantment etched on it in Greek… would it?”

“Uh, yeah,” Piper said, “That describes it exactly… actually. How did you-”

Darcy sighed, trying not to show too much discomfort. “I… know where it is.” She turned to Leo. “Do you have a detailed map of Idaho somewhere? We’re looking for a pinpoint on that map.”

“I’ll… find something,” Leo said, giving her a weird look similar to everyone else in the room. Percy looked the most suspicious and concerned out of all of them.

Leo came back one awkward minute later, and tapped on the screen in the main room, pulling up a map of the United States, and zooming in on Idaho. “Ok… where are we going?” He asked hesitantly.

Darcy zoomed in the map more, at the base of the Rocky Mountains where a small road, river, and forest met smack in the middle of the state. “Little Rock Falls. It’s about there, less than a thousand people in the population, last I checked. They had to combine the elementary, middle school, and high school into one school because there were so few students and teachers.”

She pointed a little farther north up the map. “You’ll have to park the ship farther away, the people are pretty… superstisious, and me and Percy can make it the rest of the way on foot anyways.” She pointed a little southwest of where the town was supposed to be. “Once we have it, we can lie low in the woods for the night, and you can pick us up about here in the morning.”

“Wait,” Percy said, “Why am I going with you?!”

“Are you sure you don’t want someone else, or you know, a whole group?”

“It’ll be faster with just two,” Darcy said, “Especially cuz we don’t want to be followed.”

“How do you know where it is?” Jason asked, a little scared of Darcy’s knowledge.

Darcy was silent for a second before she gave a short, “I buried it.”

“Do you… remember where it’s buried?” Annabeth asked.

“I remember pretty clearly.”

Before anyone could ask her anything else, she disappeared into one of the cabins where she’d dumped her duffel bag. She started checking that everything she would need was inside, including her essentials for surviving in the woods- flint and steel, a little pocket knife, two wool blankets, an extra jacket, a coil of rope, a flashlight, a book of old road maps of the US, a small compass, and her most recent addition- a camping shovel (it was pretty big, so she tied it to the outside of the bag). 

She also poked around Leo’s stuff, and thanked fuck that she found a pair of shears for cutting metal- definitely going to need that. She also made sure that she had five or six meat sandwiches on her, courtesy of the Argo’s well stocked kitchen.

Annabeth came in, arms folded (Darcy knew she should’ve closed the door). “What’s in Idaho?”

Darcy didn’t answer, trading her sneakers for the hiking boots she’d stowed in her bag, pulling on thick wool socks before she put on the boots. Even in the summer, it would get chilly in the mountains, especially at night.

“Darcy.”

With a huff, Darcy pulled on a bomber jacket over her thin gray jacket. “What?”

“What’s in Idaho? Why do you know exactly where the box is?”

Darcy zipped the duffel bag shut and threw it over her head so that the duffel rested against her back. “It’s no big deal, we’ll be in and out before they even see us.”

Annabeth studied Darcy’s face, and her expression softened. “Most of your foster homes were in Idaho, weren’t they?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Most of them were in Idaho, weren’t they?” Annabeth repeated, trying to gauge Darcy’s reaction.

Darcy huffed. “Why are you asking me all this?”

“Because I don’t know much about how you grew up, other than you were in foster care. That’s it. I don’t know anything beyond that.”

“Why would you want to know more?”

“It was just me and you looking for Percy a few weeks ago, Darcy. You never opened up during any of that time about your childhood. About Percy, yes, but not you.”

Darcy bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to react.

“You can’t shut everyone out, Darcy, I don’t know what shit you went through but you can’t bury it and stay closed off about it. It’s not healthy to supress everything.”

After a beat of silence, Annabeth continued, “Then just now, you reacted the way you did out there to Piper describing the box and showing us exactly where to go.”

“Are you accusing me of something?”

“No, I’m worried about you. I think that something happened to you in Idaho that you’re not sharing.”

“Not much to share, Idaho is a boring state. It’s the even more boring version of Utah. Only thing worth mentioning is that it’s the only state in the US that grows potatoes as a major part of its economy. That’s a boring ass fun fact.”

“I’m talking about you, not the state. What happened to you in Idaho?”

“Nothing I feel like sharing,” Darcy growled, leaving the cabin to go find Percy and make sure he had wool socks and a thick jacket for the journey ahead.

~~~

Birds twittered sweetly and insects buzzed, echoing through the woods. The leaves, sticks, and pine needles of the forest floor crunched under their feet. Darcy pulled out one of the old road maps and a small compass- checking that they were on course.

“Alright,” Percy said, stepping up next to her, “You have some explaining to do.”

Darcy sighed, adjusting her hold on the compass and map. “Not you too.”

“Why me?”

“There’s safety in numbers,” Darcy said with a shrug, not looking up from the map.

“Then why not take some of the others too?”

“Too many will draw attention and make us easier to track, and we don’t want that.”

Percy grabbed her shoulder and turned her to face him. “Why did you choose me to come with you? You hate me.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“We both know you’d sell me to the devil for a corn chip if you felt like it.”

 “That is also true. But you’re also the most qualified in this situation.”

Percy stared, open mouthed. He then gestured to the woods around them. “We’re in a landlocked state, I don’t know if you noticed. My powers will not be super helpful here. Powers wise, Jason would be more qualified here, cuz air. Or Hazel, because her turf is everywhere there’s solid ground.”

Darcy went back to the map and turned her back to him, staying silent.

“Why did you pick me for this little quest? Everyone including me knows that you think I’m stupid, plus we’ll just fight the whole time, which I don’t think is going to be very helpful. Why not someone smarter or that you get along with more, like Annabeth?”

Darcy still didn’t reply, she pretended to be busy with the map, even though it was a little too long to be checking a map.

“Darcy.”

She tapped her foot, hoping he’d just drop it.

“Why me?!”

She bit the inside of her cheek, mind screaming the answer, but refusing to speak.

“Why. Me?”

Darcy snapped the map shut and shouted, “Because I don’t want anyone else to know, ok?!”

Percy blinked, taking a step back. After a few minutes of thick silence, he said softly, “What do you mean?”

Darcy took a deep breath, trying to seem uncaring about it. “None of the others know about what my growing up was like. Annabeth knows that I was in foster care, but nothing beyond that. The only people who know much more than that are you and Mom,” she aggressively folded the map and shoved it in her duffel bag, “And I would prefer to keep it that way. That’s why I picked you and not anyone else. Now let’s go.”

She started down the slope towards the small cluster of buildings in the distance at the bottom of the mountains.

Darcy didn’t talk to him the rest of the way to Little Rock Falls.

Steeling her nerves for what was to come, she hoped she looked different enough to not be recognized.

There was one road in town, and a few houses scattered in the woods that surrounded it. At the end of the road, the school had gotten a little bigger than Darcy had last seen it, but not by much. There were some people walking up and down the only street, most going to the small grocery store or poor excuse for a drug store.

Darcy made her way to the road that would take them up to their destination, Percy trailing behind like a lost kitten. She grabbed his arm and pulled him next to her, “Act normal, you look suspicious.”

Percy was about to shoot back, but a deep voice interrupted them. “Excuse me.”

Darcy turned to find a police officer. The only difference since she’d last seen the cop being that he finally had more hair on his face. The fact that he was blonde didn’t help that his chin still looked bare from a distance.

“Can I help you?” Darcy asked with a fake smile on her face, kicking Percy’s shin behind her to shut him up.

“Several years ago we had a delinquent foster care runaway. She was about eleven or twelve and had dark red hair.” The cop lowered his sunglasses and examined her face. “She looked a lot like you actually, and would be about seventeen or eighteen by now.”

Keeping a straight face, Darcy shrugged. “What a coincidence. Good thing I was a good child that grew up with loving parents in a stable home.”

The officer chuckled, then said in a more serious tone, reaching behind his back for his handcuffs or gun. “I’m gonna have to take you in-”

Darcy grabbed the cop’s shoulder and drove her knee into his groin as hard as she could.

The cop wheezed, doubling over as Darcy grabbed Percy’s shoulder and pulled him behind her as she dashed behind the cover of a large building across the street. 

“Darcy-” Percy panted, but she shushed him, listening for the cop and anyone else.

She could hear the cop yelling for them to stop, and she and Percy plunged into the woods near the rugged dirt road that turned up towards the mountain.

Percy said, “Will you just explain-”

“Later,” Darcy hissed, “We’re running out of daylight. And we need to get in there and grab the box before they realize I’m here.”

“Before who realizes?” Percy asked as they walked along the dirt road, using the thick woods for cover.

Darcy fixed her eyes ahead, focusing on not twisting her ankle on a tree root as they quickly walked.

Percy grabbed her shoulder and stopped her. “Darcy. We’re going to one of your foster homes, aren’t we?”

“The one I was at the longest, yeah. I buried the box in the backyard. Can you stop interrupting? We don’t have time for you to be asking your questions.”

“I’m guessing this family is the ones we’re worried about finding out that we’re here.”

“I wouldn’t call it a family, but yeah, they can’t know we’re here. This will go a lot smoother if we get in and out without them knowing.”

Percy said softly, “Darcy…”

“What?”

“You said this was the family you stayed with longest.”

“Yeah, why?”

“What happened to you here, Darcy?”

“If I get asked that one more time-“ she growled under her breath. Then she snapped, “I’m fine, ok?! Nothing happened here, I’m fine!”

Then she stormed off, up the road and getting closer to the mountains.

The road got narrower and narrower, and less and less traveled on. Darcy kept going, until they saw the first house in miles, nestled in the trees, surrounded by a chain link fence.

They circled around to the back of the house, where two dogs lay sleeping, chained up to the base of the house.

Darcy cursed under her breath.

“What?” Percy hissed.

“I should’ve known they got another dog. That’s going to be a problem.” She opened her duffel bag, and pulled out the bundle of sandwiches. “I hope this is enough for two dogs.” She pulled out the metal clippers, and handed the sandwiches to Percy. “Get ready to throw these at the dogs. Once you do we won’t have a lot of time.”

“You remember where you buried it?” Percy asked.

“It’s right next to that rock in this corner of the yard.” She took a deep breath. “Hopefully the dirt hasn’t frozen yet.”

She slithered forward across the grass on her stomach, pulling herself forward as quickly as she dared. Percy followed suit right behind her.

[ about six years before]

The old house creaked as it settled, just like it did every night around the time the other seven kids were fast asleep. The basement was crowded, each child having their own pallet. There was one dusty window at ground level, and the door was locked every night- to keep the devil out, as the parents told them.

Darcy was only eleven (or ten, no one was really sure due to the lack of birth certificate), but she knew they were full of bullshit, and refused to call them her parents. No matter how many times they punished her, or told her that God revealed to them that she was their spirit daughter as had been set apart in the premortal life- she wouldn’t call them parents. 

Just like most of the other homes she’d been in, she was an outsider, an alien to the family, and wouldn’t be staying long.

She had no family, abandoned at a hospital in one of the nearest cities a few hours away. Kicked from foster home to foster home since she was young. She’d learned very quickly to live off of a small duffel bag and not need anything she couldn’t fit in it.

She listened to the house above them, for the tell tale signs of the parents having the sex they’d had every night for the past few months. They said that God told them it was time for them to have another child, even though the basement could barely hold eight kids as it was. Most of the kids were girls, all of them close in age. 

There was a set of scriptures at the foot of each bed, and each of them was expected to read the scriptures before bed each night and first thing each morning- until they had the holy books memorized from cover to cover to Samuel and Diana’s satisfaction. If it wasn’t to satisfaction, you got punished any number of ways- no food or water for a random amount of time, sleeping outside with the dogs, or the worst one if Samuel was in a bad mood.

Darcy had gotten quite a few lashes and welts across her back and arms just in her first few weeks there for speaking up that this wasn’t fair or just whenever Samuel felt that ‘the devil possessing her needed to learn a lesson’. She learned pretty quickly to keep her thoughts to herself and her head down, no matter how unfair it got.

She’d managed to escape punishment for a while, until the day before when Samuel was inspecting how well she’d memorized the scriptures. He didn’t seem to care that she couldn’t tell what the squigles and blobs meant, or that she never could in the first place. He said she was just stupid, and must not care that her family was going to hell because of her because she didn’t care enough to memorize the holy scripture. Darcy protested, and got the worst punishment all up her arms and back.

She’d never gotten both at the same time before.

On top of that, Diana decided that the devil inside her must be winning power over her, and gave Darcy “a good smacking” to get the devil to leave her.

Darcy didn’t know what was wrong with her, but she was very sure that she wasn’t possessed by anything, and it wasn’t her fault the bible couldn’t be deciphered.

Her arms and back stung every time she moved them, but as Samuel and Diana’s actions got more intense upstairs, she knew this was the only chance she was going to get.

Darcy grabbed the small screwdriver out from under her bed, tucked between the thin mattress and the wood planks.

Moving as quickly as she dared, Darcy started unscrewing the screws in the small dusty window.

Darcy started clipping the wire of the fence, creating a hole for them to crawl through. The dogs started to stir and Darcy looked at Percy, ready to throw the sandwiches. She cut a few more links in the fence, and the new dog woke up and started growling, waking the other one as well.

“Throw them, now!” Darcy hissed.

Percy chucked the sandwiches over the fence, and they landed right in front of the dogs.

The two dogs happily started to devour the sandwiches while Darcy and Percy crawled through the hole.

Darcy shoved her duffel bag in Percy’s hands, and started to untie the shovel, which was small enough to cart up here, but big enough for the job.

She went over to the corner of the yard where a large rock sat, and started digging. Just a few minutes in, someone inside the house shouted, “What’s going on out there? You kids aren’t supposed to be out!” It was a man’s voice, booming and harsh, with a hint of ‘God-given’ righteousness to it.

Darcy cursed under her breath and threw the shovel into Percy’s hands. “Keep digging, whatever happens don’t stop until you have it, I can handle this.”

The voice shouted again, “Diana, did you feed those dogs? You know they ain’t supposed to be fed yet! … Well I can hear them eating something!”

While Percy kept digging, Darcy crept over to the corner of the house where the shed was. She checked over her shoulder, noting that the dogs were about halfway through the sandwiches.

A large, rough hand grabbed Darcy’s hair and pulled her back.

Darcy yelled, trying to rip free.

The strong hand threw her to the ground, knocking the wind out of her as she smacked her skull on the hard dirt. Head spinning, she scrambled backwards and tried to get to her feet.

[flashback continuing from the first one I have yet to write]

“Darcy, has your heart become so laden with guilt and sorrow you came crawling back here to repent?”

Darcy had backed up into the fence and used it to pull herself up, the wires digging into her fingers, biting with cold. Her heart hammered in her chest as blood rushed to her ears, Darcy tried her hardest to only react with a cold glare. “Nope. And I don’t need to. Just here for one little thing and then you’ll never see me again.”

“You tore this family apart Darcy. We might not make it to the Celestial Kingdom as a family because of you. Don’t you want an eternal family?”

“Not if it’s yours,” Darcy snapped. He stepped closer to her, hands on his belt buckle. He was wearing a rusty brown jacket over a white button up shirt, the shirt was off white and hadn’t been clean in a long time.

Darcy backed away as he stepped closer. He’d grown out his beard, and it was much longer than the last time she saw him. His brown hair was also long, almost past his chin, and was in desperate need of a wash.

“Darcy, you are a daughter of God-”

“Correction, I’m a daughter of a god, one of many, and your god is kind of pathetic.”

“Pathetic? Darcy, is that how we talk about our father in heaven?”

“I could take him in a fight, easy.”

“God is all powerful, he can’t be defeated, we know this from the holy scrip-”

“Considering I fought an actual god of the Greek pantheon- oh, yeah they’re very much real, and kind of douchebags- and a greek titan, which is just a much older and more powerful version of a god-” The dogs only had a quarter of the sandwiches left and Percy had dug so deep he must be close to the box. “Considering I fought both of those and won, I think your God would be pretty easy to beat. At least for me.”

“Don’t interrupt me, Darcy. You know one of the commandments is to honor thy father and thy mother.”

“You’re the farthest fucking thing from my father.”

“You may not have been born to us, but it was in Heavenly Father’s plan that you are part of our family. Your biological family on earth sure didn’t want you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Darcy said, “I found my family after I left, and they didn’t want to leave me. Unlike you, they actually love me.”

“We do love you Darcy, which is why sometimes you need correction.”

“My real family doesn’t think I need correction,” Darcy said, folding her arms, “You’re a sick fucking bastard that only sees children as punching bags. Fuck you, and fuck your fucking family.”

Samuel’s eyes darkened. “The language you are using isn’t righteous or clean, Darcy. They must be the words of Satan.”

Darcy backed away, only for her back to meet the other corner of the yard where shovels, rakes, and other yard tools had been leaned against the fence in a pile. She squared her feet and balled her hands into fists, blood roaring in her head and ears. “Stay the hell away from me.”

“Darcy, you need to be taught a lesson, and a righteous parent, I must obey God’s will and teach it to you.” Samuel’s hands were undoing his belt buckle.

Darcy swallowed, as her brain and body disconnected, and it felt like she was trying to move through neck deep mud.

Samuel pulled the belt through the loops of his pants, and Darcy felt like ten years old again, as everything slowed down and sped up at the same time. Her head started to spin as she tried to get her body to fight back, do something.

“Hands on the fence, Darcy.”

Darcy didn’t move, breath frozen in her throat.

There was a loud snap, making her flinch involuntarily. “Now, Darcy!”

Samuel was starting to get impatient, raising the thing over his head.

But before the belt could come down on her and inflict red hot pain, the sharp edge of a shovel made contact with Samuel’s temple, and he fell to the ground, blood pouring out of his head. He groaned, curling up and moaning in pain. So he probably wasn’t dead, at least not yet.

Darcy collapsed against the fence, leaning against it hard as the rusty old shovel slipped from her hands to the ground. She was breathing heavily as the world spun around her and her whole body started to tremble.

“I got it! Are you ok?” Percy said, rushing over as he brushed dirt off the small blue box. It was about the size of his fist, and the bright blue of the box had faded.

Darcy was pretty sure this was the second time in her life that her brother was very visibly concerned about her, actually scared for her. “He wasn’t about to-”

“Not right now, please,” Darcy said, grabbing the duffel bag and shovel from him.

A new voice shouted from in the house, this one female, also rough with a ‘God-given’ righteousness to it. “Sam! SAM! What’s going on out there?”

The dogs finished with the sandwiches, Moses laying down to sleep while the new, young dog started barking ferociously, tugging on his chain so hard it might rip the chain out from where it was securely attached to the stone foundation of the house.

“Samuel!” Cried the woman’s voice, now outside with them as Samuel groaned and writhed on the ground.

A woman wearing a pioneer style dress with blonde hair took in the scene before her. After a few seconds of looking at Darcy, her eyes narrowed. “You.”

She charged forward. “You sinful, disobiedent, possessed child of Satan! You tear our family apart by leaving, and now you’ve come back to kill your own father!”

Darcy growled. “He’s not my fucking father.”

“And am I not your mother?”

“My mom’s in New York, and she’s the nicest, sweetest, most badass lady to grace this planet. She doesn’t think I’m a problem that needs to be fixed. She would also beat the shit out of you if she knew about what you did.”

“Your biological family didn’t want you, you’re lucky God chose us to be your family and we took you in,” Diana said, looking disappointed.

Darcy took a step towards Diana, fear replaced by pure rage. “You were wrong about me. You’re not my fucking family. My biological family did want me. I found them, and they love me so much more than you ever could. And I couldn’t read your fucking bible because I’m dyslexic, not a sinner you bitch.”

Diana gasped at the language, but before she could launch into a lecture, Darcy kept going. “I wasn’t something that needed to be fixed. I wasn’t possessed by Satan or any demon, I have ADHD and was being followed by monsters that I didn’t choose. I met gods, yes gods plural, and none of them were like the god you think is real. I even fought one, and also a titan god. My real family wanted to keep me, but had to give me up to keep me safe. I can be happy by being a decent person, not following your bullshit commandments. You never loved me or cared for me.” 

She was close enough to touch Diana now. “And I don’t need you.”

Diana was so shocked she couldn’t even speak. She watched wordlessly as Darcy grabbed Percy’s shoulder and they turned to leave.

Diana’s hand wrapped in Darcy’s hair, yanking her back and throwing her to the ground.

“Darcy Mary Larsen in God’s name-”

“THAT’S NOT MY FUCKING NAME!” Darcy screamed, hands finding a rock the size of her fist. She rolled over and tackled Diana to the ground.

“MY NAME IS DARCY ASTREA JACKSON YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” Darcy screamed so loud her throat burned, and with each word she bashed Diana’s head in with the rock, until her skull was sunken in and she stared up at Darcy with dead eyes.

Darcy sat back, rock slipping from her hand as she panted and her bloodstream still roared with adrenaline. She almost collapsed to the ground, but Percy’s leg was there, and she leaned against it for a minute.

Samuel started to groan on the ground, and Darcy struggled to her feet, body trembling. “We need to go.”

Percy swallowed, looking at the two horrible people on the ground, and just nodded, handing her the duffel bag again.

They rushed over to the fence, and behind her, she could hear Samuel starting to get up, cursing Darcy and calling her a murderer and a sinner, and saying he was going to teach her a lesson for this disobedience. Meanwhile, the new dog barked violently, trashing against its chain.

As Percy was crawling through the hole in the fence, the hair on the back of Darcy’s neck stood up. She whipped around, and saw that Samuel had gathered enough strength to crawl to the shed and was pulling down his shotgun.

[flashback here that mirrors this scene]

“PERCY RUN!” Darcy screamed, throwing the duffel bag over the fence and climbing over it, letting the barbed wire at the top leave rips in her shirt and jeans as she scrambled over.

She landed on the other side, threw the duffel bag over her shoulder, and yanked Percy to his feet. They made it to the trees when she looked over her shoulder and saw Samuel taking aim with his gun.

“GET DOWN!” She screamed, yanking Percy down with her to the forest floor.

An ear splitting gunshot rang out, the crack echoing through the woods.

Samuel was yelling, cursing and screaming threats. Darcy scrambled to her feet, yanking Percy with her, and they plunged into the woods. She was dragging Percy behind her as her feet pounded the forest floor. He could barely keep up with her, stumbling over tree roots and rocks.

But Darcy didn’t dare slow down (let alone stop), and she wasn’t about to leave Percy behind with those monsters.

[shorter flashback that again mirrors this scene]

She lost track of how long they’d been running, but some time later, the sun was starting to set, and she figured that they were far enough away now. They tramped over a few creeks to make sure their scent would be lost, and found an area that was secluded enough, but near the area where they’d told Leo to fly the Argo to come pick them up in the morning.

Darcy set to work on a campfire, and directed Percy to gather some firewood- no green stuff and to get sticks ranging from twigs to small logs. According to her, he did ‘a good enough job’.

When he gathered enough, she had already lit some small twigs and leaves. She then used the firewood to build a small campfire.

They covered the ground in pine needles, leaves, and twigs with the wool blankets on top to keep the ground from sucking the heat out of them, and sat down in front of the fire.

They dried their feet, socks, and boots in front of the fire. The entire time, Darcy stared into the fire, trying not to think about the last time she was in these woods. Percy was also silent for once, and she appreciated him for that.

She looked up at the clear sky of stars, a strange feeling hitting her as this sky looked almost the same as the last time she’d seen it. She was able to find all the constellations she knew very quickly.

Percy said quietly, “Can I ask something? You don’t have to answer.”

“Sure,” Darcy said, going back to watching flames dance across the logs.

“How long were you with them?”

“It’s all pretty blurry, but about a year I think,” Darcy said, pulling the extra jacket tighter around her, “The other houses I never stayed more than a couple months. Monsters either showed up- but I thought they were just really fucked up dogs or terrible adults- or my anger issues got me kicked out.”

“How much does Mom know?”

“Just that I was in the system and got kicked from house to house, and that all the homes were pretty much in Idaho. She doesn’t know more than that,” She shrugged, “She might suspect more though.”

Percy nodded, staring into the fire as well. “That piece of shit… Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“He reminded me of Gabe a little too much, though this guy was much more religious. Gabe wouldn’t set foot in a church unless there was beer and a poker table.”

“The shitty guy Mom was married to at one point, right?”

Percy let out a dry snort. “Be glad you never had the displeasure of meeting him.”

“Didn’t need to, I had a Samuel. Sounds like he and Gabe would’ve gotten along pretty well.”

“Well, Samuel wouldn’t appreciate the gambling and drinking I don’t think, but they certainly would’ve agreed on beating up kids.”

Percy nodded back in the direction they ran from. “So Mom doesn’t know about any of that?”

“Hell no, and she’s not going to,” Darcy grabbed a stick and poked at the fire, pushing the coals closer together, “She’s got enough to worry about, with you and me being demigods and you disappearing and shit.”

It was silent again for a minute. “What happened to Gabe anyway, you never told me.” Darcy said.

Percy smirked and said casually, “Mom turned him to stone with Medusa’s head.”

“What?” Darcy said, almost laughing, “Mom did that?!”

Percy nodded.

“How did she get ahold of Medusa’s head?”

“Oh I cut off Medusa’s head for a quest, mailed it to Olympus, and then Dad had me bring it home in a box.”

“Damn, really!?”

“True story, though I think bashing the skull in with a rock is just as effective.” He added, “How are things back home? You never did give me a proper update.”

“Well, I moved into the apartment with Mom, and so did Paul,” Darcy said.

Percy said, “I swear if you stole my room-”

“Ew, no, your room is a biohazard!” Darcy said, “Mom and Paul made some renovations to the apartment, they took out the washer and dryer and my room is the old washroom. They figured washing clothes downstairs or at the laundromat across the street will be fine. It’s small, and I don’t have a proper door yet, but I’d take it over your cesspool of a room.”

“My room is not a cesspool.”

“Your socks have their own ecosystem and you can see the smell!” Darcy said, smacking his shoulder.

“Cannot!”

“Can to!”

Percy gave up, giving his usual drama queen pout.

Darcy grinned, and her smile fell as memories from these mountains crept into her thoughts. “Last time I was here it took me hours to manage a fire,” She said quietly, almost to herself, “I still couldn’t sleep because the ground was so cold, and I couldn’t figure out a bigger fire.”

“At least you’re not alone this time,” Percy said, scooting a little closer until their shoulders were touching, “Even if it is with an annoying idiot.”

Darcy shrugged. “Well, you did have my back in there so… I think that makes up for you being an annoying crackhead.” Her eyes started to droop, and she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder.

[they are picked up the next morning by the Argo, and continue making their way to Europe. A few weeks later while on their quest, Sally Iris messages them to ask why cops showed up to their house and the suspected murderer of two people looks like her and has the same face, hair, and first name as Darcy. Darcy is like “it’s fine, they deserved it.” Sally pieces together that they were one of Darcy’s foster families, and wants Darcy to open up about what happened exactly (absolutely not going to turn her over to the cops). Darcy’s like, “It’s fine, Percy was with me.” and their Paul turns to Percy like, “You let your sister murder two mortals?!” Percy shrugs and accidentlly lets it slip what Sam was about to do. Darcy smacks Percy’s shoulder and is like “Dude! You said you wouldn’t say what happened!”. Sally is livid and wants to know the nearest entrance to the underworld so she can beat the shit out of those two horrible people.]

[aurorawest]

Reading update

Best Men by Sidney Karger - 3.5/5 stars

Man. When I started reading this, I was positive I was going to rate it 5 stars. The first third or so was hysterical, often to the point of me not being able to breathe because I was laughing so hard. Ultimately though, the romance fell extremely flat. There wasn't really enough development for it, and I don't think it boils down to a marketing issue—the romance is too big of a focus to say, "Oh, this was just general fiction they wanted to market as a romcom." It really was an issue with the romance just not being very well written. Another issue I had was that at times, the writing was very...cringey. Like, I couldn't tell if the author was trying to keep Max's voice (which was funny) or if he just can't write genuinely heartfelt scenes. The big, romantic sex scene could probably be added to that one post with the collection of horribly written sex scenes.

There were also some weird inaccuracies about Midwesterners that of course bugged me as a Midwesterner. We call soda "Coke?" No we don't. It's pop. Maybe there's some southern creep into the Midwest but I've N E V E R heard anyone say Coke when they meant pop generally. Also, Midwesterners like pools? I mean I guess, but we learn to swim in lakes (as opposed to the ocean).

In case you're wondering, I knocked an entire star off for the Midwest inaccuracies.

Mountain Ghost Stories and Curious Tales of Western North Carolina, edited by Randy Russell and Janet Barnett - 3.5/5 stars

I picked this up at one of the visitor centers in Great Smoky Mountains National Park on our trip there last fall. Most of these are more like folk stories than ghost stories.

Timberdark by Darren Charlton - 5/5 stars

What if the real dystopia isn't the zombie apocalypse, but "normal" life?

I was going to leave it at that but NO, I have more to say. Why aren't these books more popular? Why isn't everyone screaming about how gorgeous they are and how this is what YA should be? Why do they not have a US publisher? Why are they not all over freaking BookTok tables at bookstores?

I honestly don't even want to say that much about the Wranglestone duology because I want everyone to read them and experience them. Wranglestone and Timberdark are genuinely a couple of the most gorgeous books I've ever read, Timberdark in particular.

Road of Bones by Christopher Golden - 3.25/5

Immaculate vibes and incredible setting. Not much more to it than that.

Ravensong by Carla Fay - DNF

At 4 pages in. I hated everything about this book immediately and I don't have a good reason.

Maelstrom by Jordan L Hawk - 4.5/5 stars

BODY SWAP.

A Pocketful of Lies: Collected Stories by KJ Charles - 5/5 stars

5/5 stars for Masters in This Hall alone.

If I See You Again Tomorrow by Robby Couch - 4.25/5 stars

Considering this is billed and marketed as a romance, there was surprisingly little romance in it. It was good, though. Robby Couch is one of my favorite queer YA romance writers.

Eleventh Hour by Elin Gregory - 3.75/5 stars

OMG they were mission partners! Interwar period gay spies in London, hard to go wrong.

Out in the Open by AJ Truman - 3.75/5 stars

Truman has this habit of describing sex scenes in bizarre and not particularly sexy ways ("I sucked his cock a thousand times harder than a vacuum cleaner" is an actual real comparison from this book), but his books are funny with endearing characters, so I give him a pass. I also think it MIGHT be something he does when he's writing younger characters, because the other time it was really pronounced was in The Barkeep and the Bro, where one of the characters was in his mid 20s (Out in the Open is a college romance).

Winter's Orbit by Everina Maxwell - 5/5 stars (reread)

This book was as good, if not better, the second time around. Kiem is so funny and lovable and Jainan's history made me even more sad. I really love how well Maxwell handles the fact that Jainan was in an abusive marriage for five years while still writing a slow burn romance that doesn't span multiple books. This book is an inspiration to me and is pretty much my perfect book—gay and sci-fi. On this reread I could really see its influence on my own writing, haha. Which is cool to know that I can still be influenced in a major way even this far into my writing life!

Anyway if you haven't read this book, I honestly don't know what you're waiting for. Read it read it reeeeead ittttt.

A Veil of Gods and Kings by Nicole Bailey - DNF

DNF at 15 pages. The main character was annoying and the author took 'show don't tell' a little too far. Everything was described in flowery, overwrought purple prose. Seriously, it's a road. You can just say it's a road. Also I never want to see 'Artemis' shortened to 'Temi' ever again. Please just no.

[pumpkachubby]

Pumkachubby's side story: Gourmet Expeditions! Chapter 1

Here we go! A new story begins today, set in the same universe as my main story but this time the setting is in the Paldea region, our new protagonist Shiro and in this chapter we will see how he meets a particular Miraidon, I hope you all like it~

Warning: This story is set after the events of the main plot of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, and while in this particular chapter nothing remarkable is spoiled its recommended to be aware of it for future chapters, since game characters will appearing here and there

The situation was bad: not only was I lost somewhere in the mountains of the North Province, but I also lost most of the contents of my backpack trying to run away from an enraged Noivern earlier that day. My rotom phone was damaged too so I had no idea how far we were from a town or at least a pokemon center, and with the sun setting already I had to set up camp for the night and try my best to make something edible. I was left with enough ingredients to make one last sandwich, so despite the worried look of my pokemon I decided to try my best.

It was so awful my body rejected it so hard I ended up dropping it to the floor.

-”I’m sorry guys, I really tried my best” - I apologized to my Applin and Tatsugiri who quickly came to comfort me - “ I was really hoping that weird spice we found the other day would be useful… What should we do? Walking in the dark of the night could be dangerous, I guess we can go a night without dinner, right?” - I said as I looked at the sunset.

It has been half a year since I moved to Paldea, using all of my savings from my last job I came to join the Academy, since I heard they take students from all ages I took it as a chance to start a new life alongside Ringo, my Applin that has been my partner since I was teenager, and the only friend I ever made back in Galar. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I prefer the company of pokemon over other people, I was never able to get along with them… Well, at least I am until they realize my true nature. If you were to separate the people of this world you would usually make 2 distinct groups: normal humans and Hybrids, those who share a characteristics with pokemon, but in fact there is a third group people don’t talk about or are simply looked down as “mongrels”, descendants of Hybrids and human that by a simple look you may think that barely inherited any of their ancestors visual appearances, but once you notice you can’t unsee it, like the shape their hair naturally grows, which is my case.

School life in my childhood was terrible, children, no matter if they are human or hybrids, are awful, and that extends to teenagers and adults, so I ended up being homeschooled, even though I tried to join school multiple times. I wouldn’t blame them for having an easier time getting along with those who are kin, but is it really necessary to look down and mock those like me who don't fit in either group? I can’t even blame my parents for it since they didn't even know they had a hybrid ancestor until I was born…

So I ended up growing bitter, as to be expected, but after an awful situation in my last job I decided to quit and start a new page in my life, I tried my best to come with a positive energy, forget about my past and be ready to make friends but unfortunately that wasn’t the case… once my new classmates realized my origins they turned against me. I ended up joining Team Star because I met one of its leaders, who is a pretty cool guy who immediately accepted me for who I am, but that didn’t stop the same cycle to repeat among the grunts groups, so I ended up running away once again.

A rumble in my belly brought me back to reality, my pokemon looking worried at me. 

-”Don’t worry I’ll be fine, I’m sure we can find some berries in our way to the nearest town tomorrow morning, we just have to endure the nigh-” A sudden movement in the bushes at my back startled me, under normal circumstances I would have been able to deal with a wild pokemon but I couldn’t force my friends into battle with an empty stomach so I quickly put them back into their poke balls. A large figure jumped from the bushes and glared at me, for a second I thought it was a Cyclizar but it was purple, way bigger and metallic-looking, like some kind of robot. The creature stared at me for a couple of seconds and quickly jumped in my direction. I closed my eyes waiting for the worst but nothing happened, when I opened them again I noticed the creature was behind me, happily eating the sandwich in the ground. Once it was done it turned back at me, this time with a more friendly look in its eyes. It was then when I noticed I had seen this pokemon before, it was a Miraidon. The latest Champion have been seen riding one of these and since they are quite popular it's hard to avoid knowing about them, although I have heard that this pokemon in particular was quite rare so I immediately assumed it must be the same one.

-”Did you get separated from your trainer?” - I asked the Miraidon, who gave me a confused look - “So… you don’t have a trainer?” - I said as I petted his face - “I’m sorry you had to eat that from the floor, must have been pretty hungry right?” - The pokemon smiled back at me and started to run in cycles, usually looking back at me. Normally I would say that I have a good instinct to what a pokemon is trying to tell me, you don’t need to be a hybrid to get an idea after all, but as this Miraidon jumped everywhere my confusion only grew bigger and bigger.

The pokemon kept moving around and occasionally looking back at me for a while until it suddenly stopped and jumped on me. It was pretty heavy so there wasn’t much I could do, but at least it was clear it wasn’t trying to hurt me. its eyes were very close to mine until I saw a strange glow on them, in that moment the Miraidon jumped back into the air and started to spin quickly as a yellow and violet light enveloped it, it didn’t look like any move I knew and somehow it didn’t felt like I was in any particular danger, it was captivating. Then it suddenly exploded into a cloud of purple and yellow sparks, I looked away for a moment and when I looked back I was presented with a sight that made me question my sanity: The wild Miraidon now walked in two feet, no, it had transformed into a humanoid begin! Their body still had a robotic look but it was considerably closer to a person now. After checking their new appearance for a couple of second it spoke to me:

-“Good, it worked”- They said, with a deep but electronic-sounding voice.

-”Yo- You can talk!? Wait, what’s going on??” - I managed to say as I fell to the ground, I couldn’t believe what I just witnessed - “I must be dreaming, right?”

-”What are you saying? Oh, let me help you” - They said, offering their hand, I took it by instinct and I could notice how hard and cold it was.

-”Is this, is this real?” - I said out loud, but the Miraidon replied nonetheless.

-”Well you can say I’m surprised too, I moved by instinct, I noticed you didn’t understand what I was trying to say so I took a form more suitable for communication.”

-”Wait a moment! You can’t just say that! Pokemon can’t just turn into people, right?”

-”How can you deny what your eyes just saw? You are an interesting one, but to satisfy your concerns, no, not all pokemon can do such a feat, but I guess some really powerful ones like myself can, although… I’m not sure if I can turn back now, at least I’m certain I don’t have enough energy to do it again, but I’ll worry about that later. For now let’s proceed with the reason I took this form, speaking human language is easier than I expected so let's not waste any more time.”

-”You did this just because you wanted to talk to me?” - I asked in shock.

-”Yes, that food you didn’t ate saved me, I’ve been traveling around in this unknown place for a while and finding something to eat has been quite the struggle so when I saw that piece of food I couldn’t help myself but to jump into it, I wouldn’t exaggerate if I said that you saved my life so I want to pay you back.”

-“But… it was a terrible sandwich…”

-”Maybe for you, but it was the most delicious thing I have memory of tasting”

-”Or maybe you just were too hungry?”

-”Its a possibility, just like the fact that I don’t have many memories of flavors, let alone memories to begin with…” - They said in a sad tone. -”I woke up in a cold, shiny cave with no memories a couple of months ago, alongside many others like myself. Life was rough there, constantly fighting for food, and while I had no problems getting it I couldn’t stand being trapped in that cave, so I ended up using all the energy I had to escape…”

-”I see…” - I replied looking at his hand, still holding mine, knowing too well how that feeling of being trapped in an hostile environment feels like.

-“Please excuse me, that was uncalled for. While you may have discarded that meal I don’t know how long it would have been until I found more food, and I heard that it was the last of your supplies so, as a way to pay you back, I can provide you with a fast way to travel around, sure I can’t transform like I was before but I can still travel way faster than a normal person can.”

-”I-I see” - For a moment I doubted myself, but how could I say no at this point? Even if I wanted to say it I had to think of my pokemon too after all. - “ Then… how should we do it?”

-”Just hop on to my back and get a good hold. Oh, but first, there is something we should take care about.”

-”What would that be?” -I asked, as they grabbed my backpack, taking an empty poke ball and dropping it into the air, as it fell on his head the usual red light came out of it and surrounded his body, taking their body into it and quickly closed itself. I jumped to grab it by instinct and as my hand touched it I could see the sparkles that announced the capture was successful.

That night, I captured a Miraidon…  a humanoid Miraidon!!??

The warmth of the sun in the morning woke me up, I was in my room in the academy and Ringo quickly came to check on me, he looked worried, like every morning after I had a nightmare.

-”Don’t worry Ringo it was just a dream”- I said as I petted him - “There is no way a pokemon can take a humanoid appearance and talk, well, maybe some Zoroark…?”

-”I’m glad to see you are awake.” - Said Director Clavell, who seems to be waiting right in the entrance of my room, thankfully most of the staff here don’t have prejudices against people like me so I have always felt welcomed by them. I would ask why he was here but Tatsu was on his shoulder so I deduced it was him who told him I had woken up. - “It was quite the uproar last night.”

-”Uh? Did something happen?”- I asked, confused.

-”How rude” - Said a deep, electronic voice coming from the same way the director came from - “But I guess I can’t blame you for thinking it was all a dream, you fainted when I got into that ball.”

-”WAIT WAIT IT WAS REAL!!?? Did YOU bring me here??”

-”That’s correct.” - Intervened the Director - “I was finishing my duties last night when you showed up unconscious in their arms, it was quite the scene between the few presents, after all not every hybrid share so many physical characteristics with their pokemon ancestors, there are some that have tails and wings but these are very rare cases, but I guess that doesn’t really apply to our guest here.”

-”So, you know about his nature?”

-”Of course, we talked about that last night alongside Ms. Geeta, they even had a battle.”

-”It was rude of me to suggest such a thing, I underestimated her strength…” - Said the Miraidon scratching their neck.

-”Wait, so you know that they are…?” - I asked the Director.

-”While it's certainly a surprising event to witness, it's not precisely something “new” in our world, there are many old folk tales that mention pokemon taking human form to make a bridge between the human and Pokemon, who were separated from each other for big part of our history, although such cases are often about pokemon of legends. If you want to know more about such tales you can ask Ms. Raifort, your history teacher.”

-”I wasn’t asking about that, I mean, they literally went inside a poke ball! They technically are my pokemon now?? I can’t just own a person! I mean sure they don’t look completely human but it's kinda messed up if you think about it. Why did you do that in the first place??” - I asked looking at the Miraidon

-”I guess I should apologize, I didn’t know that’s what getting into that ball meant until last night, I thought I had to do that to properly travel alongside you, that was the impression you and the other trainers I saw in the last couple of days gave me, I couldn’t just ask them after all.”

-”I understand your concern, Master Shiro, but you need to understand their point of view too. They don’t know much about our society after all, but they can learn about it, don’t you think? We talked about this too with Ms. Geeta and we concluded that as long as they remain with that appearance they can’t act like a pokemon anymore, so it would be better if they travel around and learn about our culture. As far as we know they can’t return to their previous state, but if they become able to do it then they should decide how they want to live their life by themselves, don’t you agree?”

-”I see, I guess you are right, who are we to decide for them who they are…”

-”Then…” - Said the Miraidon as they walked closer to me - “Would it be too much if I asked for your support? I still feel like I’m in debt to you, but I would like to have you as my guide…”

-”You took me back to society safety, that’s more than that dirty sandwich was worth! If someone is in debt here it should be me, of course I can teach you around, although I do have something I want to ask… ”

-”Of course, what would it be?”

-”You need to put on clothes…”

-”Now that you mention it, you are absolutely correct! We need to get you some clothes as soon as possible.” - Replied the Director, quickly covering his eyes as he rushed out of the room.

-”Do I really need to?”

-”If you want to experience life as a person then you need to start by following the basics of modesty.”

-”... fine. But with that in mind, there is something important I want to ask from you.”

-”Sure, go ahead.”

-”I want a name.”

-”Eehh!!?? But I’m not good with that… and I’m not going to be your trainer, I don’t really know how to feel if I named you…”

-”It doesn’t have to be the most creative name around, I may change it in the future, but if I’m going to live life like a person then you can’t call me “Miraidon”, right? It would be like if I called you “Pumpkaboo”!”

-”THAT’S-”- I shouted, just now realizing that I wasn’t wearing the hat that I always have on to hide the very distinct hairstyle that has given me so much trouble all my life. I could be angry but they clearly are not aware of my own circumstances, I could do nothing but agree. -” That’s correct, you do need a name, give me a second… … … What about something like… Light? Since you shined in a bright light when you changed your form.”

-”Hm… Light…”- They stood up for a couple of seconds, repeating the improvised name a couple of times to themselves - “yeah! I like it. Thank you Shiro, I hope you can teach me a lot of things from your people”

-”My people, you say…” - I had to admit for someone that has never felt like belongs anywhere, it hit pretty close where it hurts, but I couldn’t run away, this is what I came looking for in this region: start a new life, live new experiences, and I wasn’t going to let this chance escape, not when there is someone right in front of me that sees me for who I am. - “Then? is there anything in particular that you are curious about?” -I asked them, not really sure myself where we should start

-”Well, I was wondering… you said that the sandwich I ate last night was pretty awful, so that means there is way better food out there, right??” - Said Light, with an excited sparkle in their eyes.

-”Of course! This world is full of different, delicious food for everyone to taste, I can show you a couple of places in the city to start”

-”Marvelous! Then get ready, we have a starting point for our journey! Let’s begin our Gourmet Expedition!” - They said, grabbing me by the arm and lifting me into the air, my pokemon joined in jumping cheerfully around us.

-”Alright alright! but first get some clothes on!!”

[wind-becomes-lightning]

Home for the Holidays

This is for the Hidden Shinobi Hideout Holiday exchange! <3 My gift goes to @kankuroplease!! I was soo lucky to draw my dear dear friend. Merry Christmas!

Dearest C. I'm so happy I had you for this end of year exchange so i can give you one last gift before the year ends! I am so very fortunate that you decided to conatct me in March and work with me, when I was until then just a big fan from afar. I used to be so intimidated by you and so scared to even send you messages even after we started collaborating. It is weird that I thought you are too proud to talk to most people and that I would just be abother, when in reality you really just want to be nerdy with other people. I had so much fun with you this year, when we were 3 and now that we are only 2 still. I am so proud to have you as a friend, so thankful to be able to rant to you for whatever I want to rant about, for every little drawing you've made for me during this year, for your company and support. I wish you a great Christmas Day today and hope we continue this friendship into the next year (and beyond!) Cant wait for our art collab and whatever we cook up together next. I love you, sending you many hugs. Thank you for being in my life.

Set in KPZ's Tattoo Shop / Yakuza AU

Aburame Shino X OC

very very brief mention of naru x saku x sasu and kaka x obi x rin

Rated T (alcohol mention)

6246 words

Back from her world travels in Japan Katsura runs into an old friend she hasn't seen in a while.

When Katsura opened the door and the little jingle went off to alert the members inside of another visitor, she couldn’t help but sigh at the wave of nostalgia radiating from the view of what was inside. The tattoo parlour looked exactly the way she had last seen it,  down to the black and red leather interior. This felt more like coming home than stepping foot into Konoha had.

What was different, however, was how empty it was. There was nothing of the usual hustle that came with clients, usually yakuza members, entering and leaving the parlour, demanding this tattoo or that. Katsura hadn’t been here often while she still lived in this part of the city, but often enough to get used to it.

Now there was only Sai sitting at his usual place, deeply focused on cleaning his usual work tools. Katsura didn’t know much about him, not beyond what Sakura had told her. Sai hadn’t gone to school with them and since she had mainly been travelling since graduation, she had never really met him except for in passing.

Most of the year Katsura found herself in the hot and humid climate of the south american rainforest or in the dry, cold and stormy mountains in north america. Sometimes she hiked through thick dark forests in central Europe and then, on occasion, she was also back in Asia like right now. And when she was in Asia, she often took at least one detour to Japan, until it took her to another continent again. Someone had to check up on her sister sometime, especially since she was living in such a dangerous territory.

“Hi,” Katsura said and stepped next to Sai. “Uh- ‘s Sakura around?”

Sai looked up and closed his eyes to a smile. “In the back,” he pointed to the door at the back of the studio. “But I would not go there right now.”

She considered this. On one hand the very limited things she knew about Sai told her that he was not going to lie about stuff like that. Sakura had said several times over the phone that the Sai was almost too brutally honest for his own good. If he wasn’t under Yamato’s and by extension Kakashi’s protection it could have landed him in a hotbed several times before. On the other hand Sakura had asked Katsura to come round at this exact time and might just be in the back getting ready to go out.

It was worth trying it out, she decided and nodded to Sai: “I’ll check anyway.” The other just shrugged his shoulders and went back to cleaning his tools.

The door to the backroom was only leaning and Katsura could easily push it open with a few fingers. She heard things before she saw them. The low hums and moans, the sucking noise that reminded her of a vacuum cleaner, the whispered words. Right then her fight or flight reflex kicked in and her brain violently went forward and back between just turning around or seeing what was going on.

If only the flight reflex had won. If only. Instead, she felt compelled to check. Katsura pushed the door open just a little more, a few more inches so she could look easier through it and then let out a gasp at the image in front of her eyes. Sakura was there indeed, sandwiched in the middle of what seemed to be Sasuke and Naruto. One had his head buried in her neck and one at her throat on the front. 

The gasp had been louder than she had intended to and Sakura’s eyes flew open and to the door, but Katsura had already turned on her heel. “I told you,” Sai said calmly as she ran by, but she didn’t feel it dignified an answer.

She was angry, flying with rage and shame. Sakura had been her friend since childhood, for years! She had told Katsura to come by at this time so they could play catchup, and then decided to engage in such things with those guys. Naruto especially always gave Katsura this ick that she could not explain. He was too excited for his own good, too oblivious at the world around him, naive to a fault. 

Uh, she should have known that these people knew no shame. When she was young, Katsura had stayed away from this parlour which was then owned by Naruto’s parents. They had already been notorious for the shady stuff that was going on there, so of course the new owner just let this business continue. It was also no surprise to her that the employees would be doing such disgusting things at the workplace, since they lacked any structure.

What was it with people and their excessive need to be horny all the time anyway? She had travelled all over the world and never met anyone that she felt incredibly drawn toward. Men could be handsome and women could be beautiful, but nobody was “I wish I could undress this person in a public place”- handsome or beautiful.

She stomped out of the store and back into the snow that lay heavy and thick in front of it. It was cold here in Konoha, way too cold for her that had just returned from South America without an adequate winter jacket. But in her defence, she did think that she was just meeting a friend for a lunch date and that would most likely happen inside. She didn’t think that she would have to spend so much time outside.

Distracted by her own anger she saw the wall only when her head was already crashing into it. A big, grey wall that had appeared right in the middle of the sidewalk. Katsura stumbled backward and then found herself steadied by an arm before her feet could slip on the ice. 

“I’m sorry, you seem to have crashed into me,” a male voice said in a low timber and Katsura looked up to realise the wall was not a wall at all, but just a very tall human man in a grey long coat. She hummed and then went back onto her feet with a mumbled thank you.

It took her a moment to recognise him, or better said, she only recognised him when she followed his chin up to the sunglasses on his nose. There was only one person she’d ever known who wore sunglasses inside the house. Well, two, him and his father. 

“Oh – It is you Shino,” she said and put her head on her neck to look up to him. Had he always been this incredibly tall? He seemed twice her height.

She couldn’t see his eyes moving underneath his shades but she imagined them narrowing as he scanned the length of her. “Katsura.” He said it like he had just decided on that name for her. Then: “Nice to see that you are back.”

Katsura waved with her hand. Shino and her had always had a very peculiar relationship. They had both been obsessed with bugs since they were kids, cataloguing and analysing them and hunting and freeing them and most of all defending them from annoying bug-haters. But he had slighted her as a kid, which she had never really forgiven him, no matter how nice he had turned out to be later.

“I was in Brazil”, she said. “Got myself a tan and a new tropical ladybug species.” She grinned. She couldn’t help but brag. 

He let out a low chuckle, which took her completely by surprise. “I’ve seen your pictures on social media. Congratulations, that was a great find.” 

Despite the cold her cheeks warmed. “T-Thanks.” She didn’t know what else to say.

“I’ve become an Entomologist too, but I specialise in Greater Japan or rather this area. Preservation rather than exploration.” A smile appeared on his face. “Though I can’t help but be a little jealous. That butterfly you found in the Rocky Mountains? Outstanding grey colours.”

Katsura huffed and shook her head. “Oh, I’m sure what you do is great too. Though - that butterfly really was incredibly interesting. Did you know it can survive even at lower altitudes?”

“I do now.” Shino put his hands in his pocket. She watched as she waved her arms to explain to him how this species specifically had adjusted so well to its surroundings and how it was- in fact - masterful in what it did. 

After a while her hands felt so cold that she shuddered, which did not escape his keen eyes, sunglasses or not. “I would love to hear more,” he said softly, “but maybe we should go inside. What do you think about going to a cafe?”

Caught off guard a little she stammered: “Uh- Uh, I had- a thing…” but then she remembered what Sakura was doing right now instead of their meeting and her eyes hardened for a moment. “Sure, I’d love to. I have all the time in the world.”

-

Shino picked a cafe at the very border of Uchiha territory, just a street down the Hyuuga were ruling the underworld. It was run by a local that Katsura did not know and was cosy enough to feel warm and homely even on a snowy, cold day like this. 

“Wow, what a lucky pick!” she said as she sat down in the big red seats. “A place like this is a real find.”

He took his coat off. “Yes, it is beautiful. I thought it would be perfect.”

Well any cafe would have been perfect really, she thought but didn’t say anything. 

Instead, she ordered a triple latte coffee because she really needed it after the day she’d had so far and all the jetlag still kind of pulled her underwater. Then she folded her fingers in front of her face and said: “Now, tell me about your job. What is your education? Did you go to University? What bugs are you raising?”

Shino smiled again at her barrage of questions and then he did something she had almost never seen him do: He took his sunglasses off.

This felt like that one time she had seen Kakashi-san without his surgical mask. This revelation that this part of Shino’s body actually existed and that the shades were not a permanent fixture on his face. Just that this time it felt a hundred times more incredible then when she had seen Kakashi.

His eyes were this deep, chocolate kind of brown, almost too incredible brown to be real. The light of the candle on the table was reflected in them like a mirage of light and Katsura had to immediately think of the million fireflies she had once seen on a tour in China. He was handsome with his hair combed back, the kind smile on his face and the shining eyes. 

“Is everything alright?” he asked and put his head to the side a little.

Katsura realised her mouth was hanging a little open and closed it quickly. “Yes, sorry..” She didn’t know what got into her. It took her more willpower than she wanted to admit to pull away from his face and remember what questions she had asked him. “So…”

“Right, about my education and work.” He smiled a little to himself, tipping lightly against the porcelain cup in front of him. “I am mostly working locally. We are growing some nearly extinct stag beetle species on our family compound, but so far the amount is still too little for them to be released into the wild…”

His low, calm voice and interesting topic of conversation lulled her a little, especially now that she felt warm and safe. While she was still intently listening, she wondered if he had always been this handsome or if he had just grown up to be. Shino had always been a person she had wanted to be close with, because his family was known to be specialists in insects, but for one reason or another it had never worked out. Mostly because he had slighted her as a kid and she could not forgive.

Turns out Shino did go to university and he had come out with a degree. This was not usual, especially not in their little, yakuza infested city. People often took up a trade that needed no education or straight up did crime. Katsura herself, as she told Shino as soon as he had finished telling his story, had left Konoha without any degree and just started travelling the world on her own merits. Working to earn money locally and then moving on. This way she had seen much more than she had ever planned.

“I’ve always wanted to go.” Shino said with a sigh. “It is incredible to work here where I am from and get to know more and more corners and such. But when I hear your stories it makes me feel like I want to get out more.”

Katsura took a sip of her coffee: “You could always join me on the next expedition.”

He smiled and she almost choked on her coffee accidentally. “I would love to go,” he said calmly. “But I don’t think it's possible.”

-

They had two more cups of coffee, way too much coffee if one was honest, and then Shino paid -for both of them. The weirdly intimate gesture had Katsura blush and when he held the door open so she could leave before him into the dark evening, she suddenly wondered if this entire thing had been something like a date. 

“I can walk you home still, if you want,” Shino offered and closed the zipper of his long coat. The shades were hiding his eyes again.

Katsura had never had a date before. Katsura had not even thought about dating before this But now Shino had invited her for coffee, he had brought her to a cosy place and asked her whereabouts and now he was trying to walk her home? That sure sounded like the end of a date.

She panicked. “Not necessary, I can find my way.” Her eyes avoided his face as much as they could while looking too suspicious. “T-Thanks for the coffee. Maybe I’ll see you around before I leave again.”

“Yes, hopefully,” she heard Shino say from behind as she was already walking away sternly, her heart hamming loud against her chest. 

-

Katsura walked back to her sister's apartment. For a moment she had wondered if she should go back and check the tattoo shop again, to see if Sakura had repented from letting her friend down in such a way as she had, but then Katsura decided against it. 

Aori also lived right at the border between Uchiha and Hyuuga district and worked on both sides of the metaphorical fence. Katsura felt like her hands were falling off from the cold as she entered the hallway and turned the key to get inside. Though she was rarely at home, Aori had obviously provided her with her own key anyway. More symbolic than practical.

There was noise coming from the kitchen. The slightly messy, stumbling steps of her sister were mixed up with the low, but always so incredibly loud voice of her boyfriend Might Gai, who, to Katsura’s endless misery, was around most of the evenings now.

It was not like Katsura hated Gai, he was connected enough to keep her sister safe enough and he was kind, and good to her, but his never relenting energy was a drag that Katsura was glad to flee from 96% of the year.

“Hello, young lady!” he waved at her as if she was a street away and not just standing right in front of him. “How was your meeting with your precious friend?”

Katsura let herself fall onto the tatami floor and put her feet under a blanket to warm them up. “She was busy,” she said shortly. “So I met with another old classmate of mine instead.”

She took a mini muffin from the table in front of her. Other than bugs, Katsura loved baking and since Aori could do a lot, but not that, she had spent the morning making muffins for all of them. Yes, even for Gai.

“Wonderful!” Gai let out. “It is great that you are still connected to all the people here. It is important to never forget your youth!”

Aori must have caught Katsura’s frown, because she interjected: “Which friend?”

“Aburame Shino.” Katsura bit into yet another muffin, most definitely spoiling her stomach for dinner, especially after the cakes she had had at the cafe.

“Oh, he is so nice.” Aori put her fingers together. “In summer he sometimes comes to the kindergarten I work at and instructs the children about fireflies and the like. He is really good at that. Very forthcoming and friendly…”

“And he looks quite good too..” Katsura mumbled.

“What?”

Katsura shook herself. “Nothing.”

Gai unfortunately apparently had ears like a bat and so he said: “I think Katsura just commented on the way young Shino has grown up quite handsome indeed.”

“Ah, really, Katsura?” Her sister couldn’t help but grin.

Katsura wasn’t going to take a lecture from Mrs has-a-crush-on-weird-guys so she shoved a few of her own made muffins into the pockets of her hoodie and got up with a “I’m not hungry right now.”

Aori yelled after her that they’d leave the stuff for her on the stove so she could eat later, but Katsura had already disappeared in the room that was currently her bedroom.

-

At night she dreamed about Shino, which was a bother.

In her dream, Shino took his sunglasses off again to look at her with the chocolate creamy eyes of his to ask her if he could accompany her on her travels. The her that was in the dream had blushed harder than Aori did when Gai gave her a compliment and had accepted with a loud stutter. Both things that were very unlike Katsura in many ways and when she woke up she was annoyed at herself.

Additionally, there were about 40 text messages from Sakura on her phone when she rolled over and picked it up. At least 30 “I’m sorry-s” and then 8 more messages asking Katsura for a new meetup time. The last two contained “I will just come by Aori-nee’s house in the morning before my shift” and then the last “I’ll be there at 10.” 

Katsura looked at the clock on her phone. It was 9.50. 

She peeled herself out of bed and took the quickest shower known to man to be ready on the couch with the tv running when the door opened and Sakura walked in. Her friend looked a little distressed.

“I’m so sorry!” Sakura said before she even said hello and threw herself down next to Katsura. “You know that feeling, when you think you can remember something without writing it down, but then you don’t remember? Well, that is not an excuse, but it is an explanation and I want you to know how deeply sorry I am.”

That had been about the gist of the 30 text messages too. Katsura let out a sigh. “It’s alright, I noticed you were - busy.”

When Sakura was shy she blushed like a school girl in a rom com, but when she was embarrassed her whole face turned red, right under the line of her cherry blossom hair. “The guys..” she mumbled, “... can be pretty distracting if there is nothing else to do. Especially when the adults are gone. I’m sure you get it.”

Katsura did not get it. What was so special about Uchiha Sasuke and especially Uzumaki Naruto that made them so irresistible? She had never understood how people in this town seemingly had such hots for each other all the time. She shook her head and then shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t, but it’s ok,”

Of course it was not ok for Sakure, who still looked very worried. “Sai told me only hours after you left. When I yelled at him and wanted to know why he didn’t tell me earlier, he said it was because I didn’t ask about it.” Sakura’s eyes hardened. “I will have to tell on him to Ino.”

“But in the end you were the one who forgot anyway. It’s not his fault.” Katsura raised a brow.

Sakura’s face fell once more. “You said you accept my apology.” She grabbed Katsura’s hand again and looked a little teary eyed.

Feeling like she had teased her old friend enough, Katsura smiled. “I do. I do. Look, you are here now and I see you are sorry. I mean, I ended up having a nice afternoon anyway.”

“Oh with Aori-nee?” Sakura also was smiling again.

“No, not with her. I ran into Shino.”

Sakura’s eyes widened a little. “Oh”, she said and it sounded like there was more weight behind the sound.

“Oh?” Katsura asked.

Her friend blinked and then found her usual friendly and calm facial expression again. “Oh I’m just surprised that it was him you ran into.” She shrugged her shoulders. “Did you do something nice?”

“He asked if I wanted to go to a cafe and we did. It was a tiny place, but very nice. We just talked and - why are you looking like this?” Sakura*s calm smile had somehow turned into a grin.

“It’s just… you know, Shino - his interests are so similar to yours, we always kind of thought you should be…close.”  Though Sakura had used much more diplomatic words, Katsura knew instantly what she meant with “close.” “But you just didn’t seem interested like that, which is of course alright. I have to admit though, that sometimes I felt like maybe he was.”

Katsura’s lip curled. Shino’s eyes appeared in her mind again, looking at her over the table, the way he had smiled while she talked, taking everything in with a calm she had never seen of anyone else. Had he possibly brought her there for some sort of date after all?

“Impossible,” she said, more to conclude her thoughts than as a reply.

Sakura shrugged her shoulders again. “I just think you guys would match, so maybe it is kind of wishful thinking on my part.”

“Seems like,” Katsura said, trying not to look into her friends’ face while her heartbeat felt so loud in her ears. “I mean its is like you said, I’m just not that kind of person.”

-

Christmas eve Katsura found herself squished between Aori and Sakura in a karaoke room that seemed way too small for the amount of people inside. In true cross generation fashion, Gai had invited all his friends, mostly Kakashi, his partners and Yamato, while Katsura had invited Sakura, who then had brought Sai, Naruto and Sasuke along. There were too many people in this hot room.

Alcohol had been flowing freely and now Gai, who had one arm wrapped around Aori, was singing passionately, his voice only lightly hitting the right notes. Katsura flinched each time his voice raised a little and wished it could just be Yamato signing again. She did not know the man well, but from the way he behaved and sounded he liked karaoke well enough and was good at it at least to some degree.

There was too much going on and it was hot plus the alcohol started to get to Katsura’s head too. When in foreign countries she sometimes drank with the locals, but not quite as much beer as here and not without eating a ton beforehand. She felt dizzy and tapped Sakura on the shoulder as if to say she was going to take a breather outside.

The room they were in was one of the largest of this newly opened karaoke place. It was in the centre of Uchiha district, not two streets from the tattoo shop Sakura worked at and was allegedly directly operated by Uchiha Shisui, who by all means would become Uchiha clan head someday. Katsura had asked Uchiha Obito, one of Kakashi’s partners, why Shisui, who had a reputation to be rather brutal in his underground activity, had decided to buy a karaoke place, but Obito had only shrugged and said: “Because he felt like it.”

Maybe it was a front for money laundering or whatever, Katsura thought and once again reminded herself not to stick her nose into things that weren’t hers to know. She wasn’t like Aori, who’s sense of righteousness made it almost impossible for her to turn a blind eye to injustice. Having Gai, who was strong, as a partner helped her only so much. Her good relations with Naruto and in extension Kakashi (also through Gai) kept her mostly safe.

Upstairs were the smaller rooms and Katsura came to a stop in front of one of them. Inside someone was passionately singing “Who let the dogs out” and howling in tune with the dog barks of the song. It made her laugh and with the alcohol having lowered her limit for embarrassment she stopped for a bit and howled along with the person singing inside.

She didn’t notice that the door had opened until a big figure suddenly threw a shadow on her face: “I didn’t know you were such a passionate singer.” It was Shino.

Katsura almost choked on her own spit trying to close her mouth fast. Of course, there was only one person that would passionately sing a song about dogs and howl along, Kiba, and if Shino was here now then that meant that the other person inside was probably Hinata. A Hyuuga deep in Uchiha territory. Times have really been peaceful lately.

“No, I just… thought it's a fun song,” she replied, feeling very suddenly and very unnecessarily hot. 

He smiled. “I didn’t know you were here either.”

“We are downstairs. I was just on my way to get some air.”

“So was I. Can I join you?” He gestured to the door and though she felt uneasy, Katsura nodded and then went ahead outside into the icy cold.

Shino was wearing his long coat again and though it was night out the sunglasses were right there on his eyes. Katsura caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection of the door and knew she looked a little red, but this could be put down to alcohol and heat, so there was nothing to worry about.

“You smoke?”  He asked and took a lighter out of his pocket. 

Katsura shook her head. “You?”

“No, I just have a lighter, if in case.” He let it sink back into his coat.

Then they both went quiet.

She sucked in the fresh air and tried to clear her mind a little, but despite the cold she could feel her fingers sweating. Shino leaned right next to her against the building wall, shoulder to shoulder, and somehow that made her more nervous than standing up and singing karaoke in front of Aori’s friends had.

“When will you leave again?” Shino asked friendly.

Katsura suddenly remembered the dream she had had, about him asking to come along. She pulled her shoulders up. “Day after tomorrow.” 

“Where to this time?”

Katsura weighed her head: “Australia.” 

Shino huffed in admiration. “Wow, there is so much to see there, I am a little envious of you for that.”

She really wanted to offer him to come along again, like she had that time in the cafe. But she remembered that he had said it was impossible and so why do it again anyway? Just to hear the same reply again? So instead of reaching out to him a second time she just hummed in agreement.

For a moment she could feel his eyes rest on the side of her face as if he was thinking of something intensely. In her mind she hoped that the blush she felt could pass up as her being cold. Then Shino laughed a little quietly: “But, well, the next few days I will spend time with my parents and siblings instead. Also not too bad.” 

Somehow she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was disappointed.

-

Gai was still asleep the next morning when Katsura and Aori sat opposite to each other at the breakfast table. He had a little much to drink the night before and needed a little more rest than the two women, not that Katsura’s head wasn’t also hammering violently.

She had just finished telling Aori of the encounter she had had the night before at the karaoke bar, which she had no time to talk about the night before. She was hesitating to tell her sister about her wish to ask Shino to come along with her on her travels. The sisters shared a lot with each other, but this seemed so weirdly personal.

“Hm, you keep running into Shino. Almost feels like destiny wants to tell you something.” Aori took a sip from her tea.

Katsura could feel the heat in her face again and looked away, hoping her sister hadn’t noticed. But Aori knew her sister too well to miss it. “Oh.” Aori chuckled.

“‘Oh’ again.” Katsura said, a little annoyed. “People keep saying that when I talk about Shino. It’s rude, you know.”

Her sister grinned: “Well, I guess there are other people who realise you have a crush on the guy.” Aori stopped exactly long enough so that Katsura’s cheeks could redden even deeper. “It’s no surprise really. You guys really would match well.” She made a face. “You have similar interests.”

“I don’t have a crush on him. He is just nice to me.”

Aori laughed. “Well if you want to live in denial.”

Katsura put her cup down, a little more aggressive than maybe necessary. “Just because you now have a  - well - “boyfriend”, does not mean you are the expert on love. You can’t even talk to him right when he compliments you.”

Now Aori was red too, but more of anger than embarrassment. She raised a brow in question. “Alright then Katsura.”

“Besides,” Katsura continued. “I’m leaving tomorrow. It is not like I would see him very often. Who knows when I’ll be back. And I can’t just ask him to come along so I can get to know him better.” She was rambling.

“Why not?” Aori asked, trying to hide her grin behind the cup of tea again.

“Because!” she shot back. “He told me he couldn't come with me the first time I asked and so how could I ask again?  He is busy, he has his students and his work and - and I don’t think he would be willing to spend time with me so I can figure my feelings- ” 

She stopped mid sentence, suddenly very aware of what she had just said out loud.

Aori finally set the cup back down. “So you have feelings for him.”

“I don’t know!” Katsura folded her arms in front of her body and pouted.

Her sister sighed. “I think you should ask him if he wants to come along with you. Or at least ask him why he said it’s impossible for him to come. So you understand if your feelings are returned or not.”  She reached out her hand and pressed Katsura’s. “But, of course, I am just your lame older sister that can’t talk to the guy that is her boyfriend.” Katsura laughed.

“Do you really think he might return these feelings?” Katsura pressed Aori’s hand now too.

“No choice but to ask him.

-

“Shino”, Katsura yelled after him, hands pressed into her burning sides. 

The man exchanged a look with his father and mother and then stopped while his parents walked on. It was heavily snowing now, Katsura could barely see him through the thick flakes.

“Did you run here?” He seemed worried.

She forced herself to look up: “It was no big deal.” Shino only raised his eyebrows at that, especially since she still couldn’t catch her breath.

The ice stung in her lungs. “I think I lost my -” she touched her throat and yes, her scarf was gone, but then she shook herself, “- Doesn’t matter, I have more important things to ask about.”

As she stood to regain her breath and her conviction she noticed that Shino had taken a step towards her so that he towered over her. Suddenly she felt something warm on her neck and when she looked up she realised that Shino had tied the ends of his own scarf around her back.

“You should keep warm otherwise you might get sick and miss your flight,” he said kindly.

Katsura felt her heart clench again and shuddered a little. “Th-Thanks.”

She straightened her back out, which didn’t help in any way because she was still much smaller than Shino was. He was so close to her now that she could feel his breathing on her face and it made her so uneasy that she felt like running away from him. But no, she reminded herself, Aori had told her this was all normal.

“Uh- Shino,” Katsura began trying to find the right words to say, “I wanted to ask you something.”

Shino smiled: “Go ahead.”

It wasn’t easy putting into words what she was feeling. To say “I have a crush on you” right now, especially after just having seen him for a few days, seemed so stupid and childish, even if it was true. She couldn’t be sure that he felt similar and that would just break her heart. She thought again how much easier her life had been when romantic feelings were just something that other people engaged in.

“Do- do you…” she stammered. “Do you maybe - uh -” His scarf next to her nose smelled like him and for a moment Katsura got sidetracked from the scent. Then she shook her head to ground herself back in reality: “If you would like to come with me to - to Australia, I would not m-mind working with you.”

That was by far the most diplomatic way she could have asked that without giving away too much of her feelings.

He seemed a little surprised, his mouth opening slightly and then closing just to open to a smile again. “That's a little spontaneous.”

“Yes, I know, I know. I wanted to ask you - before, but I c-couldn’t.” She looked at her feet again. “And last time you said it was impossible for you, so I didn’t want to be a bother…”

When she looked up she saw snow all over his hair, colouring the dark brown with white points like little bugs swarming around his head. He was also looking at her, as far as she could tell from where his shades were aimed at. Her fingers felt cold in the air but also sweaty with nerves. Nothing, he said nothing, as if he was trying to consider as carefully as he could.

But then he lifted his head to push snowflakes out of her hair. The intimate touch made her feel dizzy. “I have always wanted to leave this place,” he said without looking at her. “I always wanted to travel and see the world and research, but - more than that, I’ve for a long time wanted to travel with you.”

“W- -me?!” She wasn’t sure she had heard him right.

Shino chuckled again. That low rumble in his voice that she had heard at night in her dreams. He didn’t repeat what he said, instead he zipped down his coat and then drew Katsura in, pressing her against his own beating heart and wrapping her up in his arms.  

“That is why I at first said it would be impossible for me to go with you,” he explained. “Not when you don’t feel the way I do.”

That was when she realised that no, these feeling weren’t one sided at all

-

The snow had let up outside, but the world was still coated in white. “Here you go,” Shino said and handed Katsura a cup of coffee that she eagerly took into her hands. The airport was heated of course, but just watching the cold world outside made her feel cold too.

He settled in next to her and put his feet up over his on board luggage in front of him, his nose once again deeply in a magazine about newly published academy papers. KAtsura had teased him about it earlier in the day, that he was like a professor and Shino had only shrugged his shoulders and said that he was considering becoming a teacher, yes.

“I can’t believe you actually convinced your family to let you go”; Katsura said, for what felt like the 50th time today. It was true, she could hardly believe it.

Shino hummed. He seemed too tired now to repeat the line he had said all day when she had brought it up. “I’m an adult, they can’t stop me.”

Instead he reached out his hand to Katsura and found hers to wrap his fingers around. Her heart skipped a beat for a second, not yet used to this being a normal occurrence. Dating someone brought many new experiences.

“I’m glad it all worked out though,” he said finally, with his usual quiet smile. “I’m glad I get to go with you.”

Katsura leaned over, against his shoulder: “I’m happy you get to go with me.”

[wandringaesthetic]

Thoughts on FFXVI so far (Jill is awake and she and Clive are on the way to Rosaria) (spoilers to that point)

The game is beautiful. I've been taking a lot of screenshots like "man this pretty"/"man this almost looks real." I saw a few "this looks like a PS3 game" comments from earlier demo/gameplay footage, and I think I understand that, because the zones from the demo (the barren mountains where Titan and Shiva fight and the blighted village) are somewhat empty and have fewer/more muted colors. The story takes place in a dying world, and has the look and lighting of somewhere far north. You can quibble with the aesthetics if you like but not the graphics.

The thing that impresses me most in this generation in graphics is lighting, so. I keep being like "woa" and taking screenshots of water.

There is no minimap, and in "dungeon" zones, no map at all. I like this a lot, because I feel like I stare at the map if it's there instead of the very beautiful pictures in front of me, and I think it's appropriate to feel a little lost and disoriented and nervous about it in, say, the enemy castle you are infiltrating. But I imagine some people will not like this. Areas so far have been fairly linear, though I did get a little turned around in the first forest area (the greatwood?)

Bosses and midbosses are fun and very beautifully animated. Average field enemies feel like a bit of a waste of time and should either be a little easier or a lot tougher. I feel like, with skill, one could absolutely blaze through boss fights, and with either more caution or less skill they're a bit of a slow grinding down. Feel like I'm generally falling somewhere in between on these.

I'm playing on "action" mode and am not using any of the "timely" accessories. I have played some action-y games but am by no means a real pro gamer. I've had to retry some boss fights (when you do this, the game lets you restart the fight with a full inventory of potions (4 potions and 3 hi potions)) but I haven't felt like I've been "stuck" on anything yet. I feel like the "reward" of increasing your skill isn't necessarily just getting through the game (which you can probably do regardless of skill if you just grind at it) but feeling like a bamf as you do.

(there is a kinship with FFVIII in this regard)

I've done....4? Sidequests so far. They are very reminiscent of FFXIV sidequests. Go rescue this girl and grab the supplies she was supposed to gather. Be Valisthea's surliest waiter. Not too exciting but they fulfill what I think is their primary function of fleshing out the world building.

The intuition I had regarding the "bearer" tattoos from the trailers and the demo was that they were magical and either sedated or memory wiped the bearer or somehow made it impossible to escape (need to the spell renewed so often or they kill you or something like that). And it turns out, no, the system of slavery is so ingrained and the odds of being cast out and then hunted down are so high that they don't need to be magical. The mark is enough.

I ALSO thought the bearers were generally POW slaves acquired through conquest and weren't necessarily people who can use magic. THEN I thought they were ALL people who could use magic, but no and no. They are ALL people who can use magic WITHOUT a crystal (excepting dominants, which are special) and Clive was actually a weird cultural exception as the first shield of Rosaria BEFORE he was branded and then fell into the general norm after. Which makes a terrible sense! We do not like what we can't control! Also makes Annabella's weird disgust towards him make more sense!

I think probably part of the reasoning behind that awkward Yoshi-P statement saying "everyone in this game is white because we didn't want it to be about race" is probably BECAUSE slavery is a major plot and world-building thing in a system that in some ways mimics but mostly doesn't real world chattel slavery. Whether making it all be white on white crime is effective or worth it is something I'm going to reserve judgement on for now.

Oh Cid. Cid. What are you doing, Cid? I didn't understand what he wanted at all at first, and now I get the idea that he is good intentioned but has no coherent plan. Free as many bearers as possible and then eventually we'll have a revolution? But you don't want to say that because you're already pretty sure you'll fail. a lot of the people you're freeing are old or infirm you're not exactly forming an army. This is only working because the powers that be are too busy fighting each other to notice you. What are you going to do when they do, Cid? I'm going to do what I think is right until they come kill me and then God can judge me??

I enjoy Cid. He is just some guy who is trying and not at all an inspirational figure.

This game is pretty brutal, huh? I keep thinking about the guy who ended up as a blood spatter under a rock in the first few minutes of the game and the blood pooling under some of Shiva's ice later.

(the ice and the rocks creaking and the subtle controller vibration as you walk through the aftermath of Shiva and Titan's fight really sold the scale and also that this is all about to come crashing down)

I feel it's more tasteful, if you're going to do violence, to have semi-realistic violence rather than bloodless violence. Also I just personally like it. I like bones crunching. I like the post battle blood on your heroes clothes and armor. Enough to be slightly gross but not Dragon Age style ridiculously drenched in blood. Just right.

There are a weird number of surprise lethal axe throws though.

Alas, Benedikta. We hardly knew you. She has a kinship to Yotsuya. I actually wonder if there is a Japanese trope both of them fall under with the long pipe.

None of the soldiers in this game seem to be women. The only women we see fight are Jill and Benedikta, who are both dominants and therefore exceptional. Which... I will reserve judgement on whether that adequately makes sense later. Valisthea is in other ways not a nice place.

I get the idea that the eikons/dominants aren't always passed down via blood. It seems maybe each eikon has its own rules? I wonder if they always have a gender preference for their host.

I like the little overlay arrows showing where you can climb up or under something. It feels like that breaks immersion less so than all Horizon Forbidden West's foot and handholds being yellow, for example. Or all the walls you can run on having a certain texture, or w/e.

The music is good, ofc. Maybe my new favorite main character theme? I have to meditate on it.

Oh, the one huge awkward guy is named Goetz, which is speculated to be what Guts Berserk's name is "supposed" to be. Or Gotz, some Germanic shortening of Gottfried or similar via translation party shenanigans. I don't think this has any significance but it might be a nod. (Which make me wonder whether FFV's Bartz/Butz was supposed to be something like that now. Hmm.) Also I lay like 50% odds he's going to end up as Titan's dominant by the end of the game.

I am also on High Berserk Fan Alert due to the eclipse in the one live action trailer/advertisement.

I have NO IDEA what we're heading for here in terms of overarching plot or what the final showdown is going to be, and since I don't have enough freedom to just dick around in the game I'm getting a little antsy about that. And where's that second time skip gonna land?

(oh man I just happened to encounter the shortened version of that commercial in the wild in the break room on tv FATE WILL FALL that music aaaaaa)

There's a shot in the very beginning of the game that's a Gandalf versus Balrog visual reference and Clive opens double doors by dramatically throwing his arms wide. There are a lot of small details that feel a near copy to Game of Thrones. Clive grows up in the castle with his father's ward who is like a sibling to him. He's second fiddle to his brother. His mother figure hates his face. He has a loyal doggo. He's Aragorn. He's Jon Snow.

I've often thought that the storytelling of FFXIV feels more like doorstopper fantasy novel storytelling than video game storytelling (or movie or tv show storytelling for that matter). FFXVI seems to be continuing that. Opening up the active time lore menu (I love this feature, BTW?) feels like flipping to the glossary.

Alexander O. Smith cites A Song of Ice and Fire as inspiration for the style of Vagrant Story and FFXII. And I'm glad he did, because when I played those games in a world pre Game of Thrones television show, I was like "is anybody else seeing this???" It turns out the Venn diagram overlap of "people who play epic fantasy video games" and "people who read epic fantasy novels" is SURPRISINGLY SMALL. Smith overdoes it but just occasionally, imo. By which I mean, if you use the phrase "mummer's farce" there had best be some fucking mummers in your story. It took a long time for anyone to hit approximately this correct tone in video games again but.

I'm digressing.

ANYWAY. I THINK IT'S INTERESTING THAT WE INITIALLY ADDED THIS FLAVOR IN EX POST FACTO IN THE LOCALIZATION AND NOW WE'RE GOING FOR IT INTENTIONALLY THE WHOLE TIME. Because this was written simultaneously in English and Japanese. I find it interesting that we started by being inspired by the tabletop gaming heirs of fantasy literature and now we're taking after fantasy literature itself.

We're also seeming to go for the Game of Thrones thematic thing where the nobles are squabbling amongst each other when everyone ought to be banding together against the oncoming climate apocalypse.

But we will (most likely. Hopefully.) Be reaching a conclusion in 40-80 hours of action RPG instead of leaving me hanging for the rest of my natural life. And I would be shocked if we have some sort of red wedding situation in the works.

I'm having a good time, overall. Hesitant to quantify how much of a good time at this juncture.

Sometimes I feel like we need to put the F-word privileges back on the shelf for a minute, but mostly the swears are effective.

Oh gosh, I glanced upon this subject in tags, but I do love Clive's post accepting he killed Joshua freakout. And how Cid's all "well, why don't you just track this guy down anyway, and if he wasn't involved THEN you can kill yourself ;D" because it comes right after a moment Clive was standing on a bridge, and there's not any attention drawn to it but you KNOW he's thinking about jumping. And then Torgal bounds up to him and the moment passes.

And Cid's "welp, you're alive so you may as well make yourself useful" attitude is not the BEST but it's also not the WORST, you know?

Anyway, like I said, having a good time. Having a good time having a bad time.

[valyalyon]

November 19, 2024

Back to 2024! Raphael and Dolores are living together and dating. This post will not contain any sex, but I encourage you to read it especially if you love Raphael. Enjoy, enjoy!

DIE MASTER LIST OR #LYONDIE

That morning, Raphael had planned a hike up North Mountain National Trail. Ever since the 7th, I had been extremely against leaving Theo with anyone else…

CW: Explicit language.

…The idea of me not being there to care for and protect him had me stressed since that day, so on that morning, Raphael surprised me with a baby back carrier for hikes.

Over the last few days, Raphael and I had only gotten stronger. It was so weird to me. We weren’t having sex but he was still so happy, he wasn’t running away to find anyone else, and he was always there for me and Theo.

By this point, we had been dating for two weeks. And, yes, of course I sat around on websites checking our Astrological Birth Chart compatibilities to determine if we were going to keep having a stable relationship.

That might be stupid to any number of people, but I’ve lived enough life examining charts and accepting people with low compatibility into my life. While I always put my best foot forward to keep adapting to the person, something always breaks.

It didn’t feel the same with Raphael, and sure enough that was because most of our planets were pretty compatible. Our Suns and Moons were compatible, meaning we’d be able to easier communicate with one another and so far that had proven right.

Our Venus and Mars were also compatible, meaning we’d be able to maintain a healthy sexual relationship and a strong romantic attraction for one another.

It took us about 35 minutes at a moderate pace to make it to the peak of the mountain. While up there, I took Theo out of his carrier and held him in my arms to look at everything. Raphael had carried him up the mountain, and was setting his bag and the carrier down on a rock.

Raphael came over to us and wrapped his arms around me, holding me close to his chest while I held Theo in my arms.

He squeezed me for a second, and I could feel a slight shaking in his breath. It was really slight. That was the thing about Raphael, he tried to always seem scary and ready, but that moment there was worry, there was anxiety.

I didn’t know why, I didn’t even really notice it at the time, just remembered it after the fact.

We had gotten there very early in the morning, so early that as we stood there, we began to see the sunrise turning the landscapes of Phoenix into a red hue. It was so beautiful.

The best part? We were all alone, the three of us experiencing this together.

I felt Raphael’s arms let go of me, I thought he was getting a picture. There was silence for a second, and suddenly my heart began to race. My world felt like it was on fire all of a sudden, the heat from the sun felt hotter than I’d ever felt it this early in the morning in a Scorpio season in the Sonora desert.

I let out a breath, it shook so much, I began trembling. I held Theo tight to my chest, and he tossed his head behind him and I to Raphael.

“Mama,” Theo giggled loudly and pointed behind us to Raphael.

I watched the sunrise for just a half second longer, and turned around to find Raphael. He was down on one knee behind me, a white box in his hand. His dark brown eyes stared up into my golden ones, he opened his mouth to speak.

I wanna love you ‘til we’re food for the worms to eat, ’til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours.

“I know that you want to tell me it’s too quick… I know that you might not think we’re ready. But, I want you to remember June of 2022, in the Planetarium. I saw you, standing there in that dress. You were so happy. You gave me your hand, we locked eyes for the first time. For the first time, Lola…”

He breathed, and I saw how heavy it weighed on him. I could tell he wanted to propose, to marry me, but he really thought I was about to reject him, and he was trying not to drop his confidence.

There was something so fucking endearing about that moment.

He held his head high, keeping my eye, and continuing, opening the box, “This is the ring I bought after we went to the Planetarium. I didn’t know how, or if it would happen at all, but I knew when I saw you that day that I had to marry you.”

The ring was a beautiful custom made moissanite 2ct ring, it was real gold, and the details were thin and intricate.

“I know you have a lot to recover from, that there’s a lot that has hurt you in the past, but I want to be there for you and for Theo. Let me find purpose in being your lifeline, your home, from now until forever. Dolores, Lola, my Doll. I love you, no matter what decision you make. Dolores, will you please marry me?”

I held Theo in my arms that whole time, and when he asked the question, I exploded into tears.

Raphael moved quickly to hug me, but I caught his arms, nodding my head through the sobs, “yes.”

“Give me your hand, and come here,” he said, pulling me close to his chest where I hid my face from Theo.

When I pulled my face away, my eyes were bigger, redder and puffier, but I was so happy. Raphael took my hand and put the ring on my ring finger. He kissed my hand and then my lips.

Theo had been hugging me through all the tears. He was always such a sweet kid, and always did his best to be supportive. Finally, as Raphael wiped the remaining tears off my face, Theo began to look at me and ask, “mama?”

In his little face he was looking for clarification that his mom was okay, my heart melted, and I kissed his head. “Mama is super happy, Theo.”

I smiled and made a funny face for him, and soon the realization settled in that his mom was okay, and he started to laugh and be happy again.

“You believe in the star stuff, and you keep saying that we’re all fire signs. I’m an Aries, you and Theo are Leo’s. I googled it and the third season is Sagittarius. Let’s get married by December 18.”

“I love you, too, Raphael,” I said, remembering his earlier statement, and doubling down, “December 18 it is then.”

SONG REFERENCE Everywhere, Everything by Noah Kahan

[multifandomfanfiction]

Tails California

TITLE: Tails California PAIRING: Bob/OC RATING: T CHAPTER: One-shot SUMMARY: Rory finds herself in California and searching for a certain WSO.

[A/N - Sequel to “Karaoke Night:Bob”.]

Rory pulled up to the gate of the North Island Naval Base.

“Identification?” the officer asked her.

“Umm, yeah. I’m looking for an aviator called Bob or Robert.”

The officer looked at her. “Ma’am. Do you know the aviator’s full name and rank?”

Rory shook her head and the officer sighed.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but unless you know the aviator’s full name and rank or you’re on the visitor list, I can’t let you on base.”

Rory nodded and pulled out of line. Well that was a bust. How was she supposed to get on base if she didn’t know Bob’s real name?

Rory had never been to San Diego before so she decided to drive around and explore. It seemed like no matter where she went, she was surrounded by servicemen and women.

There was a beach not too far from base called the Hard Deck. It looked like a place where Navy personnel would hang out.

She walked in and found a seat at the bar.

“Hey, what can I get you?” the bartender asked.

“This might sound like a weird question, but do know a Naval aviator called Bob or Robert?”

The brunette woman cocked an eyebrow at the younger woman. “Depends on who wants to know.”

Rory broke down and told her the story about she had met Bob at karaoke night while he was on deployment. “So I decided to pack up everything and move here…”

The bartender smiled. “I’m Penny and your Rob sounds like one of my husband’s pilots Bob Floyd.”

Rory let out a sigh of relief.

“They come here every Friday.”

Luckily today was Friday.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It didn’t take long for the aviators to start trickling in.

Rory recognized the tall blonde that had been there that night. The one who had sulked at the bar while everyone else had fun around him.

She still hadn’t spotted Bob though. Maybe she’d get lucky and he’d spot her at the bar and come over.

Suddenly, the jukebox music stopped.

Some people groaned as a man in a Hawaiian shirt sat down at the piano and started playing “Great Balls of Fire.”

She knew that voice. She recognized him as one of the men with Bob that night. Along with the girl that came and sat on his lap as he sang.

Everyone cheered as he finished his song. The mustached man walked away from the piano.

Rory took this opportunity and jumped up on the piano bench. “Baby, what do you say we just get lost/Leave this one-horse town like two rebels without a cause…” she sang.

Rory watched as a brunette head shot up. She saw glasses and blue eyes and knew he had seen her. She crooked her finger at him as she continued to sing as loud as she could.

Eventually the whole bar joined in.

“Heads Carolina, tails California/Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer/Up in the mountains, down by the ocean/Where it don't matter, long as we're goin'/Somewhere together, I've got a quarter/Heads Carolina, tails California…”

Just like in the karaoke bar, Bob walked up to her and stared up at her as she sang. When she finished, everyone clapped and cheered.

Bob wrapped his hands around her waist and lowered her to the ground. “Wha…”

Rory cut Bob off by kissing him.

Bob stood frozen for a moment before he cupped her cheeks in his hands, kissing her back. “What are you doing here?” Bob finally asked.

“You told me to look you up if I was ever in California.”

Bob laughed.

“But you’re a difficult man to find Robert Floyd. They wouldn’t let me on base to see you because I didn’t know your full name and rank.”

“You never gave me a chance to. You ran off.”

Rory opened her mouth to argue, but then shut it. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Bob softly kissed her. “I’m glad you’re here now.”

“Your friends are staring.”

Bob looked over and saw Rooster smiling at him, Hangman giving him a smirk and a nod, while all the others had their mouth open. “Let them stare.”

Rory narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re much more confident this time.”

“Well you don’t really know me.”

“No, but I’d like to.”

Bob smiled and kissed her again.

Top Gun Taglist: @maverick-wingman​​​​ @thescarletknight2014​​​

Lewis Pullman Taglist: @tallrock35​​ @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy​​ @luckyladycreator2​ @justanothermagicalsara​​ @anotherr-fine-mess​​ @airedale17​​ @xcastawayherosx​​ @khaylin27​

[sdierdorf]

I Watched Damsel So You Don’t Have To

You may be aware that the #1 movie on Netflix right now is a fantasy movie starring Millie Bobby Brown called Damsel. Since it's so highly rated, you're probably asking yourself, Should I watch this?

The answer is no. You should not watch it. It's not good. But as a public service I have taken it upon myself to summarize the whole movie for you here. So don't waste two hours watching it—just waste 5 minutes reading this post. You're welcome!

Once upon a time...

Millie Bobby Brown is from a kingdom in the north that is super cold and has no money or food, so everyone is starving. She has a father, and a stepmother, and a sister, and they are worried about how they are going to feed their kingdom. But good news! Her father has arranged for her to be married to a prince from a rich kingdom far away. This will save us! he says, without elaborating. So the whole family piles into a ship and sails to this rich kingdom, the name of which I did not get.

They land in the rich kingdom. We know it’s rich because everyone keeps remarking on how rich it is. Princess MBB meets the prince, whose name I think is Henry. He’s tall, but he’s a bit of a wet washcloth. He and MBB walk through the garden and then go on a horseback ride. He thinks that MBB is a bit of a firecracker because she can draw mazes, and ride horses, and speak truth to power. He confesses to her that he wants to travel the world, and she says that she does too. This seems to be working out great!

As an aside, MBB tells him that she saw torches on the mountain the night before. Henry says that it was an “ancient ceremony” of his family’s that “honors their ancestors”. The way he hesitates awkwardly when he says this does not in any way make MBB suspect anything sinister.

Meanwhile, her father is back at the palace having a meeting with the Queen (Prince Henry’s mom) to work out some “particulars” of the wedding plans. He emerges from this meeting looking like a ghost. His wife (MBB’s stepmother) sees him and is like, What’s wrong? And he’s like, Nothing… And she’s like, Then why are you all pale? And he’s like, Leave me alone woman!

Unsatisfied, the stepmom toddles up to the queen and compliments the wedding flowers and the palace and everything, and the Queen is a stone cold bitch to her. So the stepmother finds MBB and is like, Yo these people suck, you shouldn’t marry this guy! But then the dad comes along and their talk is over.

The next day is the wedding! Five lady's maids who look like they are from A Handmaid’s Tale squeeze MBB into a golden dress that has like 17 corsets. Then it’s the wedding! It takes up about a minute of screen time. They kiss, and she and the prince get into a golden carriage and are whisked away. Where are we going? asks MBB. Remember those ceremonies I told you about? he says totally innocently and without foreboding.

The carriage stops in the mountains in front of a long, black, non-sinister staircase. There is no one else around. The prince leads MBB up the stairs to a little grotto with a bridge, where they see the Queen and like 40 dudes in creepy gold masks.

The Queen gives MBB a gold coin for seemingly no reason, and then she gives a speech while the prince leads MBB up some more stairs and across the bridge. The Queen tells a story about their ancient ancestor, a king, who discovered that there was a “beast” living in the kingdom. He tried to kill it but failed, so he made a deal wherein the beast could eat the king’s three daughters and the king could settle his people in the kingdom. At no point during this story does MBB think that anything is weird.

Then the Queen takes out a dagger. She slices the palm of the prince’s hand, and then she slices the palm of MBB’s hand. She pushes their palms together and kind of smears the blood around. Then she declares, Now she is of royal blood! Okay…? MBB gives the prince a relieved look. Thank goodness that’s over! She turns to the crowd of gold-masked people behind them, who all slowly nod their heads once in a non-sinister way.

To ensure that our kingdom thrives forever more, says the Queen to MBB, pay your due to the realm! Then she whispers, Throw the coin off the bridge and into that ominous dark chasm. MBB does this, and the Queen declares, Now the ceremony is complete! You may make your return!

Thank goodness that’s over! MBB turns to leave, and the prince says, I’m supposed to carry you back. MBB says she is fine walking, but the prince ignores this and sweeps her into his arms. He carries her back over the bridge and stops in the middle. I’m sorry, he whispers, and then hucks her off the bridge into the chasm. Who could’ve seen that coming?

MBB falls down into the chasm through a whole bunch of tree branches and then lands at the bottom with a thud. She is knocked unconscious for a bit, but then she comes to and starts screaming for help. Then she tries to climb out, but the walls are too slippery and she falls down again. Then she starts looking around on the ground and sees all of these jewels and tiaras and stuff. That’s not mine! she says, and then she figures it out: lots of princesses have been tossed into this chasm. She does not seem embarrassed for not figuring this out earlier, but she should be.

Then she hears a noise, which she unwisely investigates, and holy shitballs it turns out to be a dragon! They have a conversation. It turns out that the bargain is that the humans have to huck some princesses into the chasm once every generation in order to keep living in the kingdom. MBB looks shocked for some reason.

The dragon breathes fire at MBB, who runs away into some caves. Whilst running she finds the body of another princess-y girl who seems to have been hucked down here rather recently. Odd!

She crawls deeper into the caves, which get super narrow and claustrophobic, and which I did not care for. Eventually she finds some room to walk, and she wanders into a big cavern that is lit up by some blue fungus or something. It’s a dead end though: there’s a deep ravine between her and the rest of the passage.

She takes a breather. She examines her wedding ring, which fills her with rage about her betrayal, so she takes it off and tosses it into the ravine. Fuck the patriarchy! She decides to further fuck the patriarchy by leaping across the ravine, which seems to go okay at first, but then she starts sliding down the rock face and into the depths. At the last second she whips out a ceremonial dagger that the Handmaid’s Tale ladies had conveniently laced into her bodice, and she uses it to pull herself up to safety. Whew!

Now that she’s safely across, she examines the blue fungus, which actually turns out to be a bunch of glowing slugs. She rips one of the puffy sleeves off of her dress and fills it with glowing slugs, which she uses as a kind of torch. What a firecracker!

Then the dragon finds her again, so MBB has to leap out of the way of the dragon’s fire breath into another small crevasse. The dragon seems nonplussed by this and goes off somewhere else. MBB crawls down further into the crevasse, which opens up into a big cavern. One of the cavern walls is notable because some previously-sacrificed princesses have scratched their names into it. There are a lot of names.

MBB curls up with her slug sleeve torch and tries to get some sleep, but she is haunted by dreams of all those other princesses who died in this cave. In her dream one of the other princesses looks at her and says, It’s a lie! Then MBB wakes up with a start. Odd!

She wakes up to find, to her horror, that the really nasty burn wound on her leg that I forgot to tell you about before is covered with glowy slugs! She peels them off with disgust, but she soon discovers that the slugs have somehow healed her burn! She puts a slug on a giant scratch on her arm, and the slug heals that too! I am deeply sorry for underestimating you, she says to the slug. What a firecracker!

She stands up and discovers that one of the enterprising dead princesses has drawn a map of the cave system on the wall. It seems to show a way out, which makes no sense: did someone discover a way out, come all the way back down to update the map, and then re-escape? Whatever. MBB is not bothered by this; in fact, she is energized. She rips off a big chunk of her wedding dress’s big billowy skirt and then uses her ceremonial dagger to carve her name on the wall. Then she sets off to follow the map (which she has memorized) and escape.

She soon reaches her destination: a tall cavern with a crack in the top that leads to the surface! But uh-oh walls of the cavern are covered in razor-sharp crystals. No problem. She tears off more of her dress into strips, which she wraps around her hands and feet so she doesn’t get cut while climbing up the crystals.

This totally works. When she reaches the top she finds an opening to the outside. But god damn it, the opening is just a hole in the face of the mountain about a zillion feet up. It’s a sheer rock face, so there’s no way to climb down. Foiled again! But what’s this? She hears horses somehow! Far in the distance she sees some men dismounting their steeds, and she starts screaming and waving to get their attention.

Just then, the dragon slams into the side of the mountain, right in front of MBB! The dragon could easily kill her by simply breathing fire into the hole in the rock, but she decides to monologue first. There’s no way out, Princess! says the dragon. Three were taken, and three must be given! That seems like an odd thing to say, but MBB doesn’t seem to notice.

Then the dragon starts to get its fire breath going, and MBB braces for her inevitable demise. But the dragon stops. There is the sound of voices in the distance. What’s this? says the dragon to nobody, and then it flies away, because it is the world’s most easily distracted dragon.

MBB has but a moment to savor her good fortune when she hears shouts from below. Someone is calling her name! We cut to another part of the cavern, where we see MBB’s snake of a father climbing down a rope from the surface. Apparently he felt guilty about selling MBB out to be sacrificed, so he gathered a huge army of knights to storm the mountain and kill the dragon.

Just kidding! He actually only brought three measly dudes with him, one of whom is their guide and doesn’t even have any armor. This seems wholly inadequate.

Meanwhile, we find that MBB has made the onerous climb back down the crystal cavern. She happens into a very large chamber, where she finds what appear to be three broken eggs, each one holding the skeleton of a baby dragon. We are then treated to a flashback of that ancient ancestor king (the guy who made the deal with the dragon) and a huge army of his knights. (Just kidding! He’s got maybe eight guys with him.) It’s not entirely clear whose flashback this is; it seems like they want us to think it’s MBB’s, but that obviously makes no sense at all.

Anyway, the king and his men are in the same chamber and see three shiny golden eggs, which hatch into baby dragons right before their eyes. The king orders 3/8ths of his soldiers to kill the babies. I guess all the kings in this movie are bastards. We see the men stab their swords down a bunch of times, but the actual killing happens just offscreen, I guess because killing babies of any species is a huge bummer.

Then the dragon flies in with a quickness and roasts the king’s eight dudes. The king immediately capitulates. Please spare me! he cries. I’ll give you anything! The dragon grabs him in his claw. You will feel my pain, says the dragon. What an odd thing to say!

The flashback ends and MBB scurries away. She hears her father and his paltry band yelling her name. She’s like, shut up, the dragon can hear you! They do not shut up, and the dragon hears them. It flies in and kills the companions, and then faces off with the father. The father draws his sword and charges at the dragon, who wraps up the father’s legs with its tail and hoists him upside down into the air. Total humiliation.

The dragon starts conversating with the father. It forces him to call MBB, to lure her in. The father dutifully calls her. He apologizes to her for selling her out. The dragon orders him to tell MBB to come out of her hiding place. But in a remarkable twist, the father defiantly tells her NOT to come out, and the dragon crushes him under his claw. What a hero, I guess.

Hilariously, MBB has been about five feet from the dragon this whole time. If the dragon had just tilted its head a different way, it would have spotted her. Whatever. MBB and the dragon play a game of cat-and-mouse around a big stalagmite. It looks like she’s about to get caught when her father’s guide, who apparently did not get killed with the other companions, makes a noise. The dragon instantly stops caring about MBB and chases after the noise, because distractable.

MBB comes out of hiding and creeps over to her dad, who utters something unintelligible and then dies. MBB finds the rope that her dad had climbed down, and she starts climbing up it.

The dragon locates the guide and kills him, and then it somehow hears MBB making a break for it. It flies through the cavern and unleashes a torrent of fire right at MBB, but it only manages to burn the bottom part of the rope she is no longer holding on to. She climbs up and out of the cavern.

Her father’s horses are nearby, so she jumps onto one and takes off at a gallop. The dragon climbs out of the cavern to the surface and chases her. But she pulls off a super sneaky trick: she jumps OFF the horse and hides under some rocks!

This totally works. The dragon flies right over MBB’s hiding place, chases after the horse, and roasts it with his fire breath. Pour one out for the horse. The dragon soon figures out that it’s been had, however, and it starts flying around in a rage and breathing fire into the sky.

We cut to the Queen in the palace. She sees the fire in the sky. That damned girl! she exclaims, presumably meaning MBB. Then she runs off. We then cut to MBB’s (remaining) family. They are on their ship waiting to go home. The Queen comes aboard with a bunch of soldiers. They seize MBB’s sister, who I think I forgot to mention had come with the family to the rich kingdom to attend the wedding. One of the soldiers stabs the stepmother really hard right in the gut, seemingly for fun, and they all storm off.

It’s morning now. MBB emerges from her hiding place and sees…the stepmother. Wait, what? Somehow the stepmother managed to get off the ship, requisition a horse, and ride to the mountains to find MBB, all with a grievous sword wound? And she found her immediately? Okay, movie, whatever. The stepmother gets off the horse with no problem whatsoever and tells MBB that her sister has been taken. MBB then hilariously jumps onto the horse and rides off to save her sister, stranding her presumably-dying stepmother in the middle of nowhere, where she will either bleed out or starve to death. I guess that’s a wrap on the stepmother.

Cut to the Queen and the prince, who are back in that grotto with the bridge. They have the sister in tow, and the Queen is clearly intent on doing some hucking. Even the prince is not down with this plan, but the Queen brushes him aside. She slices the sister’s hand with the knife, slices her own hand with the knife, squishes their hands together, and mixes the blood around. (Gotta follow the rules!) Then the Queen’s soldiers huck the sister into the chasm. She falls down, down, down, but before she can bash her skull on the rocks below, the dragon catches her in its claw and flies deeper into the cavern. The dragon’s plan appears to be use the sister as bait to lure in MBB and then kill her.

This totally works. MBB rides up to the mountain on her stolen horse. She climbs up to the grotto/bridge situation. The Queen is long gone, but MBB knows what happened. She throws a rope down into the chasm and climbs down.

At this point the movie laps itself. MBB basically acts out everything we’ve seen before: jumping across the chasm, gathering glowy slugs, finding the map room, going to the big chamber where her dad died. She builds some kind of ingenious contraption that I didn’t understand, which makes a big noise and unsurprisingly distracts the dragon. Like an idiot, it flies off to investigate the noise and leaves the sister unattended.

MBB sneaks in and wakes up the sister, who was unconscious. They try to run away, but the sister has a hurt leg, so they can’t escape before the dragon comes back. The sister hides, and MBB draws her sword and bravely starts a conversation with the dragon. She tries to convince the dragon that they’re on the same side, but it doesn’t work. The dragon roasts MBB with its fire breath, and MBB stabs the dragon with her sword. Luckily MBB also falls backward off of the cliff she was standing on into some conveniently placed water, which puts out the fire. She’s burned a bit, but it’s nothing some glowy slugs can’t take care of.

The dragon is getting wise, though, and it flies down and traps MBB under its giant claw before she can scurry off again. It uses one of its giant fingernails to stab MBB in the side, which pisses her off enough to stab the dragon in the eye with a knife she apparently had. MBB escapes the claw and retrieves her dad’s sword, which was lying around. The dragon faces her, but with only one eye it can’t see her very well. MBB charges at the dragon with her sword but then slides on the ground at the last minute, sneaking under the dragon’s outstretched claw and stabbing it in the chest.

But the dragon isn’t dead yet, and also MBB is really hurt. She limps away, following some weird puffs of dust. The dragon limps after her, clearly dying, but with enough strength left to finish off MBB. MBB turns around, they have another conversation, and then the dragon lights up MBB with its fire breath, burning her to a cinder. The End.

As if! You think Netflix would let MBB go out like that? Not a chance. You see, a little earlier she noticed that the puffs of dust in the cave were blowing into some conveniently-placed curved rocks, rebounding off them, and then blowing back in the opposite direction. So when the dragon unleashes its fire breath on her, MBB leaps out of the way somehow, and the fire bounces off the curved rocks and right back into the dragon’s face! Because that’s totally how fire works!

The dragon burns and smolders, but it isn’t quite dead yet. Exultant in her victory, MBB picks up her sword and approaches the dragon. She explains to the dying dragon that the whole thing was a sham: the princesses weren’t really princesses, they were just girls that were duped into temporarily marrying a prince and then hucked into the chasm. She holds up her hand to show it the scar on her palm. She explains that they would cut the palm of the “princess” and then rub it against it blood of the prince to fool the dragon. It would smell the “royal” blood and then assume that the girl was a real princess.

Wait, really? That’s what this whole plot hinges on? Ay carumba.

The dragon concedes that yeah, maybe it wasn’t super clear about the whole royal blood thing. Mea culpa. The dragon asks to be put out of its misery. MBB lifts up her sword to strike the killing blow, but instead she stabs the sword into the ground. I’m through doing what I’m told! she explains to the dragon. What a firecracker!

MBB collects a few glowy slugs and places them on one of the dragon’s 7,000 grievous wounds. Work fast, little slugs.

Cut to the palace courtyard, where another wedding is already in progress. The prince gazes into the eyes of his new bride/victim while the Queen and her assembled noblepeople look on. Their attention is diverted by the sound of a coin rolling along the ground. It’s the gold coin that the Queen gave to MBB before she (MBB) got hucked! Everyone’s eyes look up to see where the coin came from, and they see MBB walking toward them.

She looks like hot shit. She’s all dirty and bloody, and she’s wearing only a tattered fragment of skirt and her trusty whalebone corset. Thankfully her hair and eye makeup are still perfect.

The assembled royalty is surprised to see her, to say the least. The prince tries to protest that he was worried about her, but MBB is having none of it. The Queen is kind of pissy about the whole thing, seemingly on the grounds that MBB is not royal enough or something. This seems entirely beside the point. MBB gently tells the new bride to GTFO, which she does. Then she tells everyone at the wedding that they can run away too, if they want. Some of the servants take off, but the Queen and her retinue stay put. You think that we should fear you just because you escaped the dragon? the Queen asks haughtily. MBB stares daggers at her and says, It’s not me you should fear.

Right on cue, the dragon flies into the courtyard. Now the various nobles start to flee, but the Queen and her family stay put. MBB exits stage left, which you’d think would be a clue about what is going to happen next. The dragon shoots its fire breath into the courtyard and roasts the royal family. Mission accomplished.

We then see the palace from a distance. The entire thing is in flames. The palace is made of stone, which is notoriously fireproof, but whatever. MBB walks out of the city and down an extremely long causeway, with her new dragon pal flying incredibly slowly above her.

Cut to the pier. MBB and her sister are walking with their stepmother, who is remarkably alive. They are discussing how they are going to rescue their kingdom from starvation. (Remember that?) The plan seems to be to fill up their ship with supplies that they will steal from what’s left of the rich kingdom. MBB says that these supplies will last them at least two winters. This doesn’t seem to really solve the core problem of their kingdom being shitty and unsustainable, but I guess two years is long enough to be considered a happy ending. They all board the ship and sail home, with the dragon sloooowly escorting them across the sea. THE END.

[zoeykallus]

Echo – There For You 16 – Hidden Things

Echo X Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+ Suggestive /Smut /FiV / Teasing

____________

You are still on the run from the Imperials on Batuu. You finally find refuge in a cave, but then… things get kind of… weird.

Don't ask.

____________

What Happened Before:

There For You 1 - I’ll Stay With you

2. Just You And Me

3. Under Cherry Blossoms

4. I Can’t Lose Her

5. The Scent Of Memories

6. A Little More Time

7. Heat In A Cold Night

8. Traditions

9. Revelations

10. Sweet And Painful

11. Tears In The Dark

12. Guilt

13. Everybody Needs Somebody

14. A Real Embrace

15. Veterans

16 -Hidden Things

"Did it see us?" you asked nervously.

"Possibly," said Echo "But I don't know for sure."

Tech pulled out his datapad and typed something without comment. Shortly after, the Such Droid made a hissing sound and dropped to the forest floor.

"I have found that these droids have very easy to hijack frequency programming" he explained as you and Echo looked at him in surprise.

"Okay good," you said thoughtfully "Can we maybe use that to our advantage, can we feed it false info and have the imperials chase a ghost so to speak?"

Tech smiled at you, then looked at Echo "That's a woman you should hold on to, very clever" he nodded at you and said "I'll get to work, I'd be much obliged if you keep an eye on the perimeter while I'm focused on the droid"

You nodded seriously "Of course"

Tech climbed out of cover and approached the droid to do the reprogramming while you and Echo kept an eye out for any other droids or possible other pursuers.

You were nervous, but there was also a certain, different excitement. You knew you were basically in real trouble, but somehow it also felt like an adventure, at least the odds of you escaping weren't that bad at the moment.

When Tech was done, he jumped back to you and Echo in cover, behind bushes and rocks. You were always surprised at how dexterous and agile the lanky Tech could be.

The Probe Droid took off and flew away in another direction.

"We should stay alert, that won't be the only droid they've sent out," Echo noted.

Tech said in agreement, "Indeed."

You wanted to know, "What have you actually programmed into it now?"

Tech explained, "I programmed into it the misinformation that it saw movement to the north which it is now tracking, in about 20 minutes the droid will indicate that it saw us even further north while we will be moving in the opposite direction. That way we get some distance between us and our pursuers."

You smiled.

"Clever."

Tech raised his eyebrows "Did you expect anything else?"

With a wry grin you said "No, not really".

As night fell, you reached a cave at the foot of a mountain. Heavy rain clouds had gathered in the sky and would pour over you at any moment.

You followed Echo and Tech into the cave, but you did not go far in, for neither of you knew who or what might be living deeper in that cave. You would only stay temporarily anyway, sitting out the rain that had already begun to fall, thick drops in a veritable downpour, pelting down on trees and forest floor.

"We should stay alert, in case anyone needs sleep, we should take turns," Tech said, pulling three protein bars from his backpack, handing one each to you and Echo.

"In case the Imperials come?" you asked.

Tech shook his head and at your questioning expression, he replied, "I'm no expert on the flora and fauna of this planet, but I can say with certainty that out here in the forest, we're not at the top of the food chain"

"Oh."

Echo put his arm around you.

"Don't worry Mesh'la, we'll take care of you".

You nervously nibbled on your protein bar. You hated those things, but basically you were glad Tech always had some with him, who knew when you would get food next. The temperature had plummeted and you were freezing in your simple tunic and thin cloth pants. But you couldn't make a fire because rising smoke and especially the flames were too conspicuous in the darkness.

You were tired and you were so cold, shivering in Echo's arm, who looked at you worriedly.

"Tech, can't we do something about the cold, Y/N is going to get sick".

"Body heat," Tech said tersely and sat down next to you so that you were now sitting between Echo and Tech.

"It would be more effective without the equipment," Echo noted.

"But what if the imperials come?" you asked, trembling.

Tech began to remove parts of his armor and said, "We should be safe for now, the imperials are chasing a false trail anyway"

The two men stripped down to their Blacks and crowded to your left and right, close to your body. It was still uncomfortably cold, but already much more comfortable than before.

"We don't have any blankets or anything like that with us, I'm afraid" Tech noted "But there are other things that warm the body"

"Which are?" asked Echo.

Tech shifted his goggles and said matter-of-factly, "Intimacy, sexual contact, arousal, probably sometimes in a situation like this the most effective warm-up method."

You stared at Tech from the side.

"Excuse me? Are you serious?"

Tech looked at you impassively and nodded.

"That's nonsense," you said laughing, "You're trying to prank me."

Tech shook his head, "No, why should I?"

Echo next to you suddenly said, "What do you think, Mesh'la? We could show you a good time and you wouldn't be so cold"

You looked at him incredulously, part of you still convinced that the two of them were playing a little trick on you.

Tech suddenly leaned over to you, his long fingers went to the belt of your pants and opened them. Speechless, you watched him and then looked back at Echo, who just smiled at you.

"Does she have any special preferences?" asked Tech to Echo.

"A few."

You looked from one to the other startled, would Echo spill your bedtime secrets?

"I thinkone of the things she likes to do is sit on my face".

Your face got hot.

"Echo!!!"

Tech smiled mildly and said, "Oh, would you like to sit on my face today, maybe?"

"Huh?"

"She seems a little overwhelmed with the situation," Echo speculated.

"It doesn't matter," Tech said, "Just leave everything to us."

The next moment he pulled your pants off your hips. Your heart skipped a beat; this couldn't possibly be real.

Tech was right about one thing, you were no longer cold, shame burned under your skin as he unknotted and opened your tunic.

"Hmm, pretty," he commented delightedly.

"Thanks?" you said uncertainly, always seeking Echo's gaze who smiled encouragingly at you.

Why didn't you actually resist? Did you want Tech and Echo to go on?

When Echo kissed your neck, your eyes fell shut. You felt hands and lips on your body and couldn't tell which body part belonged to whom, but you didn't care. If the two of them were in agreement, you could enjoy that, too. Or not?

A hand slipped into your panties and deft fingers began to caress your moist folds and stroke your swelling clit in perfect motions. You moaned softly.

Tech said with satisfaction, "She seems to be slowly thawing out"

"Good girl," Echo praised.

You couldn't help yourself, arousal overtook you and you moaned again as someone sank a finger into your moist heat.

You cracked open your eyes and saw Tech sitting between your thighs. He withdrew his fingers from you and took off your panties only to slide two fingers into your cleft right after this time.

"Fuck," you said softly, breathlessly.

Echo leaned over you from the side and kissed you intimately, holding your torso in his arm. In the little pauses, between the intimate kisses, he praised your obedience, how beautiful you looked and how great you were doing it all.

This was definitely a dream, so no harm was done either way, so why not enjoy it?

You felt Tech's mouth descend on your sex and moaned into Echo's kiss.

"Cyare? Cyare?.. Cyare wake up, Cyare?!"

You startled up from your sleep and looked into Echo's face. You looked for Tech, who was standing at the cave entrance with his datapad in hand, fully clothed.

"We need to keep moving," Echo said, helping you to your somewhat wobbly feet. "Are you okay? You were moaning in your sleep."

Startled you looked at him but you laughed and said, "Quite a crazy dream, hehe, good thing you woke me up."

Echo frowned but finally smiled and kissed your forehead before saying "Tech found a way to a small low traffic settlement, from there we could take a shuttle out"

"Okay sounds good" you said and followed the two.

With the first steps you already felt how wet your panties were and grimaced.

"Damn," you grumbled quietly to yourself.

"Are you okay?" asked Echo.

"Sure! All good!"

You've never been more grateful that Hunter wasn't there.

@uraza24

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[nuwanders]

What English accents do you think they’d have in Cyrodiil other than Yorkshire accents in Kvatch (according to a headcanon by @bretongirlwrites)?

Hope the bugs aren’t biting you too much

(so far no bites or signs of activity since arriving back in the flat!! we're hoping that's the end of it, but of course we'll remain vigilant for the next few weeks until we can be certain :))

anyway! interesting ask. i'm hesitant to map real life cultures 1:1 onto TES cultures, especially when cyrodiil is clearly based on a weird mixture of ancient rome and medieval italy (and when england finds its own TES 'equivalent' in High Rock), but for the sake of answering your ask I'll assume that Cyrodilic (or what the game calls 'common' or 'Tamrielic') is the same as English. This isn't too much of a stretch; if Old Cyrodilic is similar to Latin, it seems reasonable to imagine that Old Cyrodilic + Ancient Nordic + Bretonic languages (which I headcanon to be similar to languages from the Celtic family, with the addition of French) could result in something sounding like English.

so! Cyrods speak English. I'm going to hazard a guess that the Kvatch/Yorkshire comparison comes from Sean Bean being a Yorkshireman, which is cute so I'll leave that as is.

Going further, it would probably help to draw a boundary somewhere between northern and southern English accents. It seems obvious to draw that boundary between Colovia and the Niben. The climates obviously don't map very well, but in terms of culture and vibe, the north is seen as rugged, 'wild' and economically poor whilst the south(-east) is seen as 'civilised', 'cultured' and economically prosperous. Inverted commas because this is obviously a load of bollocks, though the economic disparity is definitely there.

So to start with, I think the Nibenay Basin accent would sound similar to Estuary English (also known as BBC English, received pronunciation, etc... basically what Americans think of when someone says ‘British accent’). Cyrodiil's financial, cultural and political power is concentrated in the Basin in the same way England's international influence is concentrated in London/around the Thames. The 'Basin accent' would be spoken by the Imperial City's upper classes and mimicked by aristocrats across the province, regardless of whether or not they actually hail from the Niben.

(more under cut)

Making a slight exception to the Colovia = North rule, I'm going to say that an Anvil/Gold Coast accent sounds like West Country English. This is because the West Country, whilst being in the south of England, has more in common with the north in terms of how it is viewed by south-easterners. West Country English is associated with farmers, agriculture, and rolling green hills. If you go far enough west, you find the Cornish accent, which I think seems appropriate for sunny, coastal Anvil. A famous example of West Country English would be Sam Gamgee from TLOTR.

I think the Colovian Highlands accent would sound like Cumbrian English. Cumbrian English is spoken in the mountainous Lake District, in the north-west of England and close to the Scottish border. It shares a border with Yorkshire which would make sense given the position of Kvatch, (though I think the Kvatch accent would probably bleed into the Heartlands).

I think the Skingrad/Heartlands accent would sound like (north) Derbyshire English. Derbyshire sits in the midlands, just south of Yorkshire. It is the home of the Peak District (where I'm from!), which is very 'Heartlands' in both vibe and location.

I think the Bruma/Jerall Mountains accent would sound like north-east/Geordie English. Don't ask me for an explanation, i simply feel it in my heart. A famous example of Geordie English can be found in Billy Elliot.

The Chorrol/Great Forest accent would sound like east-midlands English, which is more a group of accents than an accent in its own right, but the important thing is that it’s not as strong as most northern accents (relative to 'standard' / RP english), but is noticeably distinguished from SE English by the short 'A' in words like bath, laugh, grass etc.

Lastly, I think the Blackwood accent would sound like Black Country English. The Black Country also lies in the midlands, but has a very distinct (and strong) dialect of its own, not dissimilar from the brummy accent of Birmingham (made internationally recognisable by Peaky Blinders). This, in my mind, is analogous to the Blackwood's proximity with the Niben yet distinct cultural identity. The Black Country is seen in England as impoverished and uncultured, which I think fits with the negative stereotyping about the Blackwood in-game.

I'm not going to break down the various regions of the Niben because I think, like in the south-east of England, there would be less variety in accent. If you want to break the Imperial City down into its different districts, you could easily do so with the various accents of London (e.g. Waterfront Cyrodilic could sound like Cockney). In general, I think the upper-middle classes and the aristocracy will speak with a Nibenese accent no matter where they're from, in much the same way 'RP English' is seen as the universal 'middle-class' accent of England.

Hope this helps!