#it was not a yearning I was aware needed to be satisfied

[scribl1ta]

A girl fell asleep with her head on my shoulder on the bus today

[puffcap-factory]

A crack upon the ice (Capitano x reader)

Capitano x gn!reader; bittersweet, longing, a hint of smut at the end.  

Basically, the reader used to be a Fatui, who worked closely *winkwink* with Capitano, but, circumstances forced you both to go your separate ways. And now, having been captured by a group of Fatui, you were unaware that Capitano was the one leading the group.

Words: 1.1k 

Notes:

oH My GOsh it’s been so long since I’ve updated. I just got into Natlan and hoLy MoLY Capitano O_o (please make him playable I beg of u hoyo) Even though there is currently not much info about him yet, I don’t think I can make myself wait. 

As always, please enjoy! 

•~•~•~•

The chill in the air was starting to bite as the heavy, deliberate footsteps grew closer. With your hands bound tightly behind your back, you had little choice but to lift your head slowly to the sound. You’d expended nearly all your energy fighting off countless Fatui skirmishers, but their numbers had overwhelmed you, leading to your capture. Your gaze shifted warily toward the cave entrance as a dark, imposing figure emerged from the shadows.

“You fought well.”

Was the first thing he said. His voice was calm but deep and stern. You looked up to meet his face. His mask concealed his entire face, and the elaborate furs of his massive cape seemed to absorb the dim light of the cave. It was none other than Capitano, the first of the Fatui Harbingers.

How long had you not seen him since you last left Snezhnaya? He put down the torch on the side and crouched down on one knee, maintaining the same eye level as he quietly observed you. 

“It seemed that my soldiers were lacking in honor and skill, I’ll need to remind them of their duties,” he mused, mostly to himself. “And you, y/n, managed to hold your own despite being outnumbered. Not entirely surprising, I suppose.”

He let out a low hum as you watched him with a cautious gaze, wary of the situation. With a subtle nod, he signaled to the Fatui guards who had accompanied him to leave. His attention remained fixed on you, as he was keenly aware of your cautiousness.

“Don’t worry,” he said, his tone firm but reassuring, “I have no intention of causing you harm.”

Though you knew he wasn’t one to indulge in needless violence, this was the first time you’d encountered him since you left the organization. You couldn’t be entirely sure of his intentions, and you couldn’t help but wonder if he might be hunting you down.

Although you had to admit, a part of you couldn’t deny the nostalgia—a yearning for what you once had with him—or at least for the familiar presence he had.

He extended his arm toward you, and you flinched instinctively. Capitano’s movement halted, his broad shoulders loosening as he studied your face with a contemplative gaze. You finally gave him a reluctant nod for him to approach, his hands working slowly to release your bound wrists. The moment your arms were free, you folded them in front of yourself, seeking solace from the biting cold night as you looked up at him.

He noticed the way you shivered slightly against the chill air, your movements slow and hesitant as you slowly dragged yourself towards the flickering torchlight. With a sigh of resignation at your constant silence, Capitano removed his imposing cape and carefully draped it over your shoulders. The immediate warmth was a welcome relief, and you visibly relaxed under its embrace.

“Better?”

You nodded in response. “Thank you.”

Capitano let out a satisfied hum as he finally heard your voice.

After a brief silence, you asked. “…Are you going to drag me back to Snezhnaya?”

He looked at you for a moment, his gaze inscrutable. “No,” he said, his voice gentle. “It wouldn’t end well for you.”

 A sliver of relief flickered in your eyes. “Then… are you going to release me?”

Capitano sighed, his gaze momentarily falling to the ground before meeting yours again. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he reached up to your face, his fingers brushing your cheek with a tenderness that took you by surprise. Your eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected gesture, before relaxing at the tenderness of his touch. You didn’t pull away; instead, you leaned into slightly, feeling a warmth and familiarity that you had missed.

With a gaze that felt almost pleading, you looked up at him and gently placed your hand on his. Capitano let out a soft exhale. His hand moved slowly to your hair, his fingers gently brushing away a stray strand to tuck it behind your ear.

“I will,” he whispered, his voice low. He repeated it, almost as if he needed to convince himself just as much as he needed to reassure you, “...I will.”

His touch lingered for a moment longer before he withdrew his hand and stood up. You could sense a subtle shift; his composure seemed to reassemble, masking the brief crack in his usual restraint.

“The night is cold,” he said, his voice returning to its usual firm tone as he stood up, turning towards the entrance. “It would be better if you set out when the sun is up.”

Capitano understood your reasons for leaving the organization. He recognized the validity of your stance; your vision and the organization’s goals no longer aligned, and he, too, had his own plans to pursue. Despite this, he couldn’t deny the value of the time spent together and the connection you had shared. It was a bittersweet realization—one that spoke to a mutual regret over how circumstances had unfolded. Though duty had called for your paths to diverge, the sentiment was clear: both of you wished things could have been different. 

And now, you wanted to linger a bit longer.

“Wait.”

Capitano turned his head back toward you.

You hesitated as you clung his cape a bit tighter. “The night is long… and cold.”

If there was one thing Capitano was known for, it was his unyielding restraint and composure. However, in this particular night, that control seemed to waver. 

You stood up and moved closer to the cave wall, the flickering torchlight highlighting your figure draped in his Fatui cape. Seeing you wrapped in his garment stirred a deep reminiscence of the past. Although it had been a while since he had last seen you, it was undeniable that he had longed for you—your presence, your warmth.

He took a deep breath and moved closer, his towering presence casting a shadow over you. He studied your face, as if grappling with some internal struggle as he inhales deeply, until something within him seemed to snap.

Your breath hitched as he suddenly pressed his body against you, your back pinned against the cave wall. He lowered his head into the crook of your neck, his warm breath brushing against your ear.

His hands moved from your hips to your legs, lifting you up against the wall so that your legs wrapped around his hips. You gasped as he started pressing kisses on your neck hungrily, your hand instinctively placed onto his back of his head in response. 

“Is this what you want?” he growled against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

You let out a soft whimper and nodded.

“Then try to be quiet,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. “I’ll warm you up tonight.”

[alyrasturnz]

"fluff this" and "angst that"

fwb!matt x reader based on the song "false god" by t swift!!!!!!

 ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎FALSE GOD

❐ summary » y/n and matt maintain a facade of friendship while discreetly fucking in private. they satisfy their desires without the chain of commitment, though beneath the surface, they secretly yearn to be able to call each other their own. who could have foreseen that a seemingly innocent post on your instagram could burgeon into something far more profound?

❐ pairings » bsf!matt x fem!reader

❐ warnings » literally smut , swearing , mentions of blood if you whip out a magnifying glass , pet names [ princess , every single variant of sweet ] , car sex

❐ a/n && w/c » the first smut fic i have ever written.. am i doing this right ? 😭 this took me 24 hours im not joking • 3.79k

matthew.sturniolo replied to your story: Look real pretty, sweet thing

matthew.sturniolo replied to your story: You busy?

he recognizes your presence from the scandalous story you've just shared on Instagram, but he remains indifferent. 

his nonchalance is but a facade, for he finds you utterly irresistible in that tiny dress—a garment he's taken off you so many times that the number eludes him, each instance a cherished fragment of his recollections.

he could’ve merely enclosed his hand around his own length, allowing his imagination to paint an obscene tapestry of her cunt enveloping his completely, but he understood that if he could just endure the wait a bit longer, he would soon be enveloped in the euphoric sensation of her skin against his own.

yet, he can vividly recall how it clings to your curves, the mesmerizing sway of your hips—a dance that intoxicates his senses, and the way it causes his arteries to swell with an almost unbearable intensity.

he felt the torrent of his blood vessels surge toward his cock, suffusing them with a fervent flush as the pre-cum seeped, a slow and insidious seepage that betrayed the hidden depths of any sort of purity he had left.

he could just see the swarm of lecherous admirers vying for your attention, plying you with drinks and undressing you with their eyes.

  yet, he is confident in the knowledge that none of them could ever satisfy you in the way he can.

thus, he presses the heel of his palm against the throbbing bulge in his pants, attempting to quell the surge of desire. his fingers tap restlessly at his phone screen, your salacious story flashing before his eyes once more, eliciting a low, ragged groan from deep within him.

matthew.sturniolo sent you a message : Need a ride? Gotta talk to you about something important, princess.

the immediacy with which you open that notification is almost reflexive. a testament to the alacrity with which you have always responded to him.

yet, it was uncharacteristic for him to adopt any semblance of earnestness with you. the tacit understanding between you both was unequivocal: he relished the company of a pretty girl to his heart’s content, unburdened by the exigencies of pressure or commitment, which was indubitably for the best, given matt sturniolo’s enigmatic nature.

“has something happened?” you inquired as matt allowed a breathier, almost sardonic chuckle to escape his lips while scanning over the message. he let it linger for a few more seconds, savoring the moment, fully cognizant of your tendencies and the intricate dance of anticipation that played between you both.

thus, he was already en route with an unquenchable pulsate in his cock as you sent your location a few moments later.

matthew.sturniolo sent you a message : See you soon, sweet girl

the impatience seeps through him like a relentless tide. 

matt becomes acutely aware of it, the realization dawning as he clutches the rhythmic tattoo of his slender fingers drumming against the wheel, each tap a testament to the silent storm brewing within. 

yet his impatience pales in comparison to his mounting annoyance, a sentiment vividly betrayed by the imprint of his throbbing cock, oozing against the fabric of his slacks when you finally step out from the dim, grimy doorway he has been fixated on with an intense glare for what feels like an eternity.

but you’re wide-eyed and so adorable when you notice the familiar vehicle, one you’ve seen the inside of a few too many times for it to be just casual now.

yet, your eyes, wide with innocent wonder, betray an endearing charm as they alight upon the familiar vehicle— one whose interior you have explored with such frequency that it has transcended the realm of casual familiarity

  he suddenly feels too hot under his clothes as he’s clears his throat, his eyes following your figure until you’re opening the passenger door with a smile that’s just as pretty as you always are.

there is no hesitation as you approach him, the radiant smile that unfurls across your features upon recognizing the chestnut-tressed man in the driver’s seat ignites a warm, effervescent sensation within his chest. 

a sudden, oppressive warmth engulfs his throat as he clears, his eyes unwaveringly following your graceful figure until you open the passenger door, your smile unfurling with a beauty that is as enchanting as ever.

your grasp of the world and his standing was but a fleeting shadow in the vast expanse of reality. you knew that he was a youtuber, yet your knowledge was limited to the whispered confessions he shared during those tender nights, your body resting against the rhythmic cadence of his heartbeat.

however, any trepidations that dared to creep into your thoughts were swiftly vanquished when matt, with a voice imbued by unwavering resolve, assured you that there was no cause for worry.

he would be your unwavering sentinel, shielding you from all harm.

as you finally settle into the car, he perceives the flicker of apprehension in your eyes, recognizing that you likely suspect he has called you here for a matter of grave importance.

"is everything alright? your message left me unnerved, matt,” you murmur, your voice a soft whisper that disrupts his obscure reverie, yet paradoxically seems to stoke the embers of his desire.

  he chooses to let the silence stretch, the tension palpable in the air as both of you take a breath, savoring the moment. the pause lingers, a deliberate tease, before he finally shifts the car into drive, a mischievous grin playing on his lips.

"oh? worried about me, sweet thing?" he replies, his voice a low, velvety murmur. his large palm comes to rest against your thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. yet, despite his comforting touch, your eyes still brim with curiosity, silently questioning the abrupt end to your night. not that it mattered much; after all, your ride home was graced by the presence of someone as irresistibly handsome as matt.

or who could’ve been your ride home if he actually had any intention of taking you there. but just as quickly as the car starts, it stops again in a darkened alley, one you've both scoped out before. your 'driver' reclines his seat back, a silent invitation as he pats his lap expectantly, the shadows playing across his face in the dim light.

“matt-“ you huff, playfully rolling your eyes. yet, as you attempt to slide over the center console, you feign ignorance to the way the corners of matt’s lips widen into a knowing smile. "is this why you picked me up... seriously?" your voice carries a whiny edge, spoken through a pout that holds no real irritation. not when you feel the chestnut-haired man’s hands, warm and familiar, taking their usual place on your hips, guiding you effortlessly onto his own.

"hmm.. come on now, don’t try and pretend you weren’t teasing me. did ya’ miss my cock, ‘s that it?" matt drawls, his voice a low, mellifluous murmur that seems to permeate your very essence. 

as he leans forward, his lips graze along your jawline, sending electrifying shivers down your spine. a deep, guttural grunt escapes him at the first lascivious press of your pussy against his clothed cock, even through the fabric. 

his fingers twitch into your skin, a silent and fervent entreaty for more, each touch igniting an insatiable yearning.

"looked fuckin’ greedy for it in those pictures, princess." he’s such a tease, and he can feel the palpable effect his words have on you when your next exhale trembles against his neck. 

gooseflesh erupts along his ivory skin at the tantalizing proximity of your bodies, but it’s not enough for him; he yearns for you closer, a voracious need that demands fulfillment.

matt feels your fingers trace against the nape of his neck, eliciting an involuntary shudder from him. 

he deliberately exhales a prolonged breath against the shell of your ear, the warmth cascading over your skin. 

his lips then begin a tantalizing journey, pressing kisses along your cheeks and trailing them to the very corner of your lips, only to stop short, just to revel in the endearing whine you emit in response to his calculated tease.

"you can simply confess that you missed me..." you manage to tease back, though your breath catches in your throat when matt finally allows his lips to brush yours. slender fingers traverse the expanse of your skin until they grip your jaw, rendering you immobile as if ensuring you cannot close the distance until he decrees it.

his movements are excruciatingly deliberate, tantalizing, yet just close enough for you to discern the next low rumble of his words. "is that so?"

he doesn’t give you a moment to process his words, let alone respond, before his lips are on yours, and he’s kissing you like he’s been starved for this all night. 

his movements are urgent, a stark contrast to the playful nonchalance he usually wears like armor. when his tongue slips past your lips, dancing with your own, you feel the tension melt from his shoulders, a subtle shiver running through his hips.

the way your whimpers dance through the air leaves him feeling dazed, a lingering echo of the drink you had before he arrived still present. 

you hadn’t consumed enough to feel a buzz, but just enough for him to taste the cloying sweetness of the liquid on his tongue as he sucks on yours, groaning at how it momentarily satiates his sweet tooth, yet leaves his deeper craving for you unfulfilled.

the initial, delicate brush of your fingers against the waistband of his slacks elicits a deep, heavy exhale from him, as if he is releasing a breath he had unknowingly been holding, the sensation weaving a spell of ardor over him.

matt’s own fingers reluctantly abandon your skin to assist in tugging them down, a sigh escaping his lips at the first hint of sexual liberation. with a single, decisive tug, he pulls the constrictive fabric away, until his leaking cock rests against his abdomen.

he clicks his tongue in mild frustration when you pull away from him, lifting your dress up around your hips, the motion a tantalizing tease that leaves him yearning for your touch once more.

his abdomen tightens with a jolt of ecstasy, sending his mind spiraling into a fuzzy haze, where coherent thought dissolves into the intoxicating sensation of pure, unadulterated bliss when your hand wraps around the foundation of his cock, giving it sequence of deliberate, languorous pumps as matt groans, subdued and ragged before he’s sending you a grin which causes an involuntary constriction within your very core, as if your innermost being is ensnared by an invisible force. “knew you were fuckin’ hungry for it, sweet girl,”

one of your arms hooks around his shoulders, and it feels almost instinctual the way his arm snakes around your hips, drawing you nearer. his larger hand gently supplants yours as he positions his pulsating tip between your legs, and then his lips find yours once more, sealing the moment with a kiss that speaks volumes.

fuck, he takes solace in the knowledge that he alone is privy to this intimate vision of you, a privilege that fills him with a profound sense of contentment. matt believes that with the very first caress of his cock through your folds, it would render his mind a void, shrouded in a misty haze as he watches his cum effuse from your puffy cunt.

his cock twitches underneath you when he feels it prod at your flexing hole, his eyes fluttering closed in bliss when he finally begins to sink into you. he’d normally take his time prepping you for the stretch, but when your lips part to moan at the first saccharine squeeze around him, he thinks your pussy was made to fucking take him anyway.

his cock convulses underneath you when he feels it prod at your flexing hole, his eyes gradually flutter shut in a state of bliss as he finally succumbs to the embrace of your tight cunt. he would typically dedicate ample time to meticulously readying you for the stretch, yet, in the moment when your lips gently part to moan at the first saccharine squeeze around him, he thinks your pussy was made to fucking take him anyway.

“shit, wish they could see how fuckin’ pretty y’ look on my cock, princess.," he murmurs. by "they," he refers to the silent spectators who have glimpsed your story through matt's eyes. he shouldn't care, shouldn't dwell on it as much as he does, but oh, how it consumes him.

but now, you find yourself here, and now, it is he who conjures your moans and sighs, as his cock deeper into the warmth of your cunt. his eyes drift downward to observe the delicate manner in which your puffy folds unfurl for him and he thinks you’re fucking hypnotizing.

he allows his head to recline against the headrest, a sigh escaping his lips as he senses the moment your hips align perfectly with his, giving you a moment to acclimate to the stretch, all the while striving to maintain his composure and not succumb to its biting embrace.

but you are as eager as you are radiant, and matt feels as though he has ascended to heaven with the first genuine sensation of your body dancing against his, elevating your hips until only the tip of his cock is reposing in your warm flesh before your pussy descends once more into repose.

his eyes, once reminiscent of the ocean's azure depths, have now darkened, their hue transformed into a stormy, intense focus on the way your pretty tits jiggle with every saturated affinity of your hips with his

“it feels so fucking good, matt," you murmur through parted, pouty lips, your thoughts clouded with arousal for his sinful prowess. you lose yourself in the sensation of his proximity, and it's almost instinctual the way his fingers find their way to the nape of your neck, drawing you in for a kiss that is as fervent as it is necessary.

matt kisses you as if you are the first drop of water on his parched tongue after a relentless drought, savoring every essence you offer and more, as his body moves in perfect harmony with yours.

“yeah? nobody treat this pretty pussy like i do, princess? i know what y’ need.” he grunts against your lips, his cheeks tinged with a rosy flush, and with the way he's holding you—desperation etched in the firmness of his grip against your skin—you'd think you might dissolve into the ether if he dared to let you go. “fuck— this pussy was made for me”

the muscles in matt’s sculpted physique quiver beneath you, trembling with a barely contained intensity when he grinds his hips up to meet yours, deliberately pulverizing his pelvis along your puffy clit until he’s swallowing those pretty sounds that only he likes to pull from you. the blunt head of his cock slides along every one of your sweet spots perfectly and it feels like he’s igniting every nerve ending in your body.

the rhythm he establishes is nothing short of remarkable, considering his imposing stature and the confined quarters of the car, but the way he fucks you is more than just that. it’s unrelenting but fervent, and the warmth that only he can ignite along your thighs makes you feel as though you’ve swallowed the very essence of the sun itself when he holds you closer, momentarily pulling away to gaze upon you once more.

“yes- ah! i, i need you.. matt, fuck.” you exhale a dreamy sigh, your cheeks flushing with a rosy hue as a whirlwind of emotions stirs within you. 

the flustered sensation courses through your veins, making your heart race and your thoughts scatter like leaves in the wind as your pussy squelches, drenched and disheveled as the sounds reverberate through the confines of the car, creating an intricate symphony that dances along the wall, yet, matt has transcended the point of concern regarding who might overhear. you resonate so pretty for him when he’s forcing his cock deeper into your slick cunt, his pelvis grinding against your clit while your nails delve profoundly into his back, discovering uncharted territories, and leaving crimson trails in their wake.

“oh yeah? ‘m i your one and only? this pussy all mine?” he emits a guttural groan, fully aware that such a request is beyond propriety, yet the mere contemplation of it propels him towards an inevitable climax. you, in turn, let out a soft, knowing giggle, for you both understand the undeniable truth in his words.

your rhythm falters, your body instinctively gravitating towards his, enveloping him in a way he has never experienced, leaving him utterly consumed by your presence.

he finds himself utterly powerless when you cast that enchanting, starry-eyed glance his way, causing his breath to catch and his composure to unravel.

yet, he is acutely aware of how close you are when that starry-eyed glance is accompanied by the languid roll of your hips and another needy constrict of your cunt around his cock, and, fuck, if you demanded his very soul at that moment, he wouldn’t hesitate to let you entwine it with your own.

for matt harbors a fervent desire to possess you entirely, wishing to render you unattainable for anyone else. he is avaricious, fully aware of his own nature, yet remains utterly indifferent to it. he yearns to claim every fragment of your being, cursing coarsely as he fucks into you eagerly. his hands nearly clenched into fists at your hips, as your moan, so sweet and melodic, resonated for him. “yesyesyes, matt- g-god.“

another groan emanates from his lungs in response to the insistent coaxing of your walls, the reverberation of his tone resonating deep within his chest, and you feel your body nearly succumb with each powerful thrust upward into you.

every thrust into you is propelled by the formidable strength of his physique and the unadulterated fervor of his desire for you, feeling matt ruthlessly slam his cock into your stretched cunt, as he draws you closer.

nuzzling into the crook of your neck, he murmurs half-drunken praises, each word dripping with fervor and cascading down your spine like liquid fire.

he lets out a deeper, more resonant grunt escape his lips this time, reverberating with a newfound intensity.

with another mindless throb of his cock, pulsating with a pure lewd, he lets his slender fingers weave a delicate path between your bodies, finally anchoring themselves with purpose between your thighs.

as he rolls your puffy clit in sticky circles, and if he wasn’t fucking you mindless you’d maybe be able to recognise the familiar signature against the puffy bud.

but he synchronizes the movements with the rhythmic oscillation of his hips, driving upwards into yours with a deliberate cadence, and instead your breath is skipping and he feels your pussy throb around him as he grits his teeth.

“shit, gonna cum f’ me, sweet thing? no holding back on me now.” he hums, his words flowing with a polished ease despite the underlying current of need they carry, until your hips falter and you let your head fall forward, finding solace in the crook of his neck.

“i’m gonna— matt! fuck!” you emit a high-pitched squeal, while matt releases a deep, resonant groan. his hips press into yours, snug and tight, as the first milking compression of your walls ensnares him. he bites his lip, a futile attempt to restrain himself, panting against the dip of your shoulder as he coaxes and fucks you through the mind numbing orgasm only he can give to you. 

“that’s it, so good f’ me.. only me, yeah?” he rasps, and the praise cascades down your spine, causing your eyes to roll back. each stuttered bounce of your hips against his interrupts your needy, breathless chants of his name as a ring of gooey liquid forms around the base of his cock every time his hips draw back beneath you. 

“take me so well, don’cha? fuck, princess. pussy’s fuckin’ made for me.” your breathing becomes ragged, and Matt feels your body meld seamlessly into his. his jaw tightens as he hisses through clenched teeth, finally releasing his warmth deep within you.

his cock pulsates and congeals as he compresses at your hips, his brows crumbling while he curls over you, and there’s a thin sheen of sweat across his forehead, his hair sticking slightly as he loses himself in the fluttering pull of your body and your cunt.

he finally stills with the slight sting of overstimulation but you still feel warm where you’re chest is pressed tight against his, his fingers grazing along the length of your spine in the intimate silence that stretches after. but then you whimper and pull back to give him a look that makes his usual smirk curl his lips.

  “is this seriously why you picked me up, matt?” you hum, your voice lilting into a playful cadence, and he responds with a laugh—a more breathless resonance, as you emulate his tone impeccably. subsequently, he bestows upon you one of his most dashing smiles and places a moist, ticklish kiss upon your cheek, prompting a cascade of giggles from you.

“huh? nuh uh, angel. think we both agreed you were asking for it.” matt drawls back, his words still slightly slurred in the lingering aftermath of pleasure, yet the playful tone that always accompanies his speech remains discernible.

“yeah right.. did you really like the pictures that much?” you pose your question yet again, watching as he sends you an amused wink. he then deftly squeezes your cheeks together between his fingers, pressing a kiss against your lips as they jut out in response.

“hope you took some that’s just for me, yeah?” he teases, wiggling his brows but then you’re laughing and squirming back over to the passenger seat, and as much as he already misses the warm press of your skin against his, he still feels heat bloom in his chest when he catches you smiling anyway. 

“i feel gross now, i gotta go home and shower.” you mumble as you pull down your dress and matt follows as he tucks his cock back into his slacks. but he can’t help the way his large palm naturally reaches over to rest against your thigh, squeezing at the skin before he’s leaning across the center console to ghost his lips along your own. 

“oh? you thought you were getting off easy? nights still young, sweet thing.”

[gojoath]

ಣ ˖ ࣪࿐ྂ EASE THE ACHE, OKKOTSU YŪTA

your glad your boyfriend yūta was always prepared, offering you a sleeping pill when you were having trouble was helpful— but why do you feel so needy suddenly?

summary. fem reader. yandere yūta. obsession. manipulation. stalking. yandere themes. aged up characters. he drugs you with an aphrodisiac and tells you it’s a sleeping pill -> dubcon. creampie. he’s obsessed. wc, 3k.

note. repost :)

you’re not sure how long you’ve been lying here— gazing at the empty space of your ceiling as you toss and turn in your comforter. you’re pretty sure if you check your phone one more time you’ll have seen most hours of the clock, and the frustration only seems to make your body feel even more awake. you’d even taken a sleeping pill, so humbly offered by your boyfriend to try and aid your own exhaustion, but if anything it’s only made the room spin as you try to focus on the steady rhythm of your heart.

your body feels weird, like there’s a buzz underneath your skin that extends to the base of your spine— every brush of your figure against the sheets tickles and every squeeze of your hands on your thighs feels even better. you feel needy, uncomfortably so considering how late it is, but you can’t help the way it makes you yearn. why now of all moments? 

you let yourself exhale a slow sigh as you try to ignore the ache between your thighs, kicking at your sheets until they pull down your hips because not only can you not sleep— your body cant even find a comfortable temperature and it makes you want to get out of bed entirely and just give up.

“baby?” the low hum jolts you slightly with the way it cuts through the darkened atmosphere of your room, accompanied by the slow crawl of cold fingertips across your hips as your boyfriend, yuuta, presses into you from behind. “what’s wrong?”

his touch feels like it cools the warmth of your skin comfortably and you find your eyes fluttering at the way his hands seem to instinctively begin drawing soothing shapes into your sides, like he’s aware of your answer before you even say it.

like he’s been awake watching you this whole time.

“i just cant sleep, i think i’m going crazy.” but your answer still earns you a smeared kiss along your shoulder as yuuta leans in closer, followed by another as he pushes his hands up the hem of your shirt to palm at your overheating skin. “i don’t know what’s wrong, it hurts,”

he holds you there, your back pressing into his chest until you’re surrounded by him— by his scent and his being. you can feel the ticklish press of his dark hair trailing along your skin as he coats you in kisses, tiny little ones that morph into ones that linger as he pushes them up the slope of your neck. why does everything feel so much better than usual right now? 

“do you need me to help?” another suckled kiss and it’s accompanied by your boyfriend’s cold touch teasing slightly just beneath your chest. his teeth nip gently at the base of your neck from behind and he gives you a slow look from over your shoulder— you’re unaware of his gaze from this angle, but he can still see enough of your pretty features to leave him satisfied for now.

you don’t know why you feel more sensitive than usual, maybe it’s the sleeping pill in your system— no, it wouldn’t be that, your boyfriend wouldn’t give you something that could be deemed unsafe. you must just be tired.

you let the question linger in the space where you both breathe for a bit but you swear your boyfriend must feel the way it seems to urge your heart rate to take a quicker rhythm, taking that as his answer. your next exhale is choked off and dreamy when yuuta takes a languid palmful of your tits to squeeze, the pad of his thumb flicking slightly over your nipples until they perk up under the touch. the soft, featherlight movement is enough to make you shiver— pushing yourself closer into his chest like you’re caught in his web.

yuuta’s glad you opt not to wear a bra under your pyjamas. it’s like this is exactly what you want from him. you’re pliant, drowsy state only seems to be heightened by the pill he slipped you earlier, it would help with your sleep eventually but the mild aphrodisiac effect would be quite troublesome for you until then, but that’s what he’s for.

he had his own ways of making sure you slept well afterall, you don’t need anything else but him to help you. he can prove that.

your eyelashes flutter prettily against your cheeks as you suck on your lower lip and as much as you want to give into yuuta’s greedy touches, you know he should really get some rest too considering how little he seems to sleep. you’d put it down to him being a light sleeper, he always seemed to be awake before you— lying on his side, staringat you as soon as you first open your eyes.

like he wants to make sure he’s the first thing you see.

“it’s fine, yuu— you can sleep, it’s—“ another sinful swipe of the pad of his fingers across your nipples makes you croon, hes close enough for you to hear the way your reaction pulls a drawn out growl from him as he curls even closer— like hes trying to crawl into your skin.

“i’m not tired,” another smeared kiss followed by a nip of his teeth and you give into him so easily given the haze of your mind and the heat that twists in your gut. “i promise.” yuuta’s words are emphasised by a steady, but needy rock of his hips into you from behind as you feel the press of his clothed cock against your lower back.

your hips shift and it only seems to make everything feel even better when you feel him reach down to hook his palm beneath your thigh, pulling it back until he’s able to push himself closer to the heat that teases him between them.

“you’re so soft,” another stuttered press of yuuta’s hips into yours and you can feel the way his cock throbs against your clothed cunt, like it’s begging to be even closer, shed of it’s restraints— like a wild animal without its collar so it can return to its instincts, “and warm.” his other hand continues its ministrations on your sensitive tits as he presses more kisses and marks up your neck, then down your shoulder as he ruts into you from behind.

“sometimes i just want to stay awake to look at you.” his praise makes you feel lightheaded as heat licks at the base of your spine, you can’t help but push back into his movements— arching into the press of his palms as he toys with your body. the confession might be weird to some but you know that’s just the type of person your boyfriend was, so full of devotion and love that he’d stay awake for eternity if it was by your side.

your lips part to moan and the sound makes yuuta’s hand on your tits squeeze as he buries another strangled moan into the crook of your neck. you feel the cool crawl of his fingertips as they leave your thigh, twitching closer to the space between them instead as you hump desperately into the touch and he rewards the act of pure love with another suckled kiss.

“can i taste you?” it’s a delicious question, one that you’re still slightly whoozy, sleep deprived mind almost bends to instantly when it’s breathed out like it’s a low, desperate plea. but you know if he starts, he won’t stop as soon as he’s buried into your cunt and as much as you’d love to have your hands in his hair and his head between your thighs— you do actually want to get some rest tonight.

so as much as it pains you, you manage to shake your head despite the pleasure that clouds it.

“yuuta, i want you right now.. please, don’t wanna wait,” your voice comes out needier than you expect it too when it’s followed by a particularly, slow press of yuuta’s fingertips between your clothed folds. the soft touch presses hard onto your clit as your body rolls against his, and you’re pretty sure he can already feel the damp, creeping heat that your slick is leaving on your panties as he pants against you.

“all of me?” he asks, desperately— mindlessly as his hips continue their needy pace,

“mhm,” your answer pulls a sinful sort of sound from your boyfriend behind you as his hands grab at the layers between you both— almost ripping at your panties completely before he’s kicking his sweats to his ankles and resting his forehead against your shoulder to breathe deep. you already feel dizzy, maybe it’s how heavy your body feels— weighed down by exhaustion but also lust, need now that you’re so close to being wrapped in the man behind you.

you’re so close to easing that ache that you can feel as deep as your bones.

yuuta’s cold touch keeps you present as his hands return to squeeze at your thigh, urging you to lift it so obediently so he can slide his cock between them. you move so easily when you’re like this, bending to his will— to his love and it makes something in his chest squeeze with the way you rely on him like this. just like he needs you to.

you feel the trembled exhale across your nerves with the first press of your silky cunt across the shaft of his cock, urging his hips to almost glue themselves to you as you rub your slick along the length of him.

he’d normally spend hours to prep you, to stretch you— even just to use it as an excuse to take as much of you as you’re willing to give him.

but right now you’re sleepy, half coherent and your eyes flutter closed everytime you feel yuuta’s tip catch on your clit, making a wet tacky sound as the pleasure trembles against your spine. a few more languid thrusts through your folds and your lips part into a pretty ‘o’ shape when he finally presses against the entrance to your cunt, teeth biting down on your shoulder when he finally begins to sink into you.

you feel him grunt against your skin, one of his hands moving to rub soothing, messy circles into your clit as your pussy clenches harder around him the deeper he goes. but the dizzy spin in your head has you arching back against him, pushing more of his cock into your flexing walls until you feel him glide past the spot that has your whole body twitching in his hold.

you whimper when he finally bottoms out, high pitched and needy at the feeling of yuuta’s balls pressing against your ass and you pull another groan from the dark haired sorcerer when your pussy flexes again. it’s not enough, it still burns— aches in your gut, you need him to fuck you until you’re trembling, on the edge of consciousness. your body feels like it’s on fire with want, you’re so needy you’re considering it really could be love.

his jaw clenches and your back relaxes against his chest once more, feeling the press of his palm return to its place under your shirt as he takes a slow handful of your breast, making you melt into him as your walls quiver around him.

“i.. i don’t like not being able to see you,” yuuta’s words are a trembled exhale as he grits his teeth before drawing his hips back, feeling the hug of your walls press down on his cock eagerly at the loss as you try to lure him back in. he always liked his front row seat to every pretty expression he could pull from you— knowing nobody else would ever see you fall apart like that. not now that you’re his.

“baby,” he tries again, a plea accompanied by his first real thrust as he presses up against the pleasurable parts inside of you that make you moan. it makes you twist into him as you lean onto your back, looking over your shoulder to meet your boyfriends haunting gaze for the first time since this whole exchange started.

“‘s that better?” your eyelashes flutter as you look over yuuta’s features and you swear you feel the way his cock twitches inside of you as your eyes meet.

your lips are parted, eyes half-lidded and blown and he’s never seen you look so sinful— like you’re a fucking succubus and he looks back at you, all adoring and infatuated like he’d let you drag him straight to hell. “yeah, uh.. i like when you look at me, you’re pretty.”

the pace yuuta’s taken is quick, needy little pumps of his hips that make your tits jolt with every clapping thrust as it echos. your skin is too warm, damp with sweat but every deep kiss of his cock only makes you greedy for more as you whine wordlessly. he sinks into you again and your eyes almost roll back entirely with the way it soothes the sting in your bones and you feel your boyfriend lean in to lewdly lick at the sweat gathered along your jawline.

“please, yuu~ make it feel good,” your words are half-coherent, hormone-drunken babbles that’s are like music to your boyfriends ears when he feels your pussy squeeze down on him. it’s like your body is begging for it too, so wet and warm that every thrust only seems to coat him in even more slick as it squelches with every press, “it hurts so much,”

your eyes are still on his, albeit your gaze blurry with how well yuuta’s fucking you right now— easing your need and you feel his lips trace their way across your cheeks as his fingers under your shirt toy at your nipples again. “it’s okay, i’ve got you. i’ll do anything for you,” his voice is low, urging you to arch at the sweet, soft sound with the next press of his cock, stuttering past your sensitive spots just as his fingers pinch to pull at your tits. “because i love you,”

his lips part to continue, but it’s cut off by a rough groan when your pussy squeezes, making his hips stutter before he’s swallowing heavy and trying again, “s-so much,” your pussy is like silk, squeezing so tight he can barely move— like it’s returning his confession tenfold and that only seems to urge him to begin a pace that’s a little faster, needier as he moves to toy with your clit next. “does it feel good?”

“yes! i love you, yuu~” your mouth seems to act on its own when your mind is so foggy with pleasure, so close to your orgasm you can feel the relief tremble beneath your skin as you meet yuuta’s thrusts with messy, needy humps that only urge him deeper. his fingers are still cold despite the way he’s sweating hard, curling them into your folds as he rubs sticky circles into your clit and you’re almost rigid beneath him, feeling the waves of your orgasm begin to burn along your skin as you pant his name with a stuttered pleasepleaseplease—

you almost pass out with how hard and good it hits you, toes curling from where they rest as you make a messy, creamy ring around your boyfriends cock and he ruts into you like an animal in heat as he greedily takes the orgasm he’s earned from your pliant body.

it seems like it stretches on forever and you feel like a shell of a person as you come down, so fucked out you’re drooling and half-coherent as the lingering pleasure shoots through you but yuuta doesn’t stop. he thinks you’re adorable like this as he presses kisses against your now tear stained cheeks, licking up the drool that trails from your lips as you grab at him— you’re suddenly so drowsy but you’re still burning with lust, your body is begging for more as he continues with the back and forth stutter of his hips.

“yu—uta, ah—“ you can barely breathe with the pleasure that weighs down on you, body jolting with your boyfriends movements but it feels so good, you feel like you’re floating, caught in a dream-like state that makes the room spin.

“mhm, baby. i’m here for you— see, just look at m-me, i’ll never leave.” you offer yuuta a slow, pretty blink when you feel his fingers tilt your head back towards him, his eyes are still on you— unnervingly dark as they cut through your pliant state but his stare still makes your cunt squeeze with his next thrust.

“you’re s-so pretty.. want, ah—want you to see me cum for you,” another broken, needy plea and you whimper out a dreamy little mhm that makes him fucking moan as his orgasm burns through him. it’s so messy and loud the way he presses his load into you, fucking it into your walls until it’s pushing out of you with every thrust— dampening the mattress beneath you as it smears against your cunt and thighs.

but this time, yuuta stops when he begins to tremble— wrapping himself around you instead when his cock finally eases out of your walls, half soft and still twitching from his orgasm as you all but collapse in his arms. you’re unsure if it’s your now drowsy state that has you curling into him, but you feel like you could sleep for days— not even bothering to care for the mess when you’re in his arms and feeling him press sweet kisses against your features between i love yous.

“thank you, yuu,” it seems your sleeping pill has finally kicked in as you find yourself dozing off, you’ll be sure to thank him for giving you it in the morning after a well deserved rest.

lucky for you.. and him, your boyfriend bought more than one— just for you.

© gojoath. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.

[dilfdemolisher]

Hey,

Heard you are in a Hannibal mood right now, so could you please write a needy Hannibal one-shot? They have been busy with their respective jobs and Hannibal comes home after a long, at first just wants to kiss and cuddle, but soon discovers how desperate his body is?😏(nsfw?)

Sorry, if I made you uncomfortable

an: I wrote this while listening to Honeymoon and I feel that its evident; so i insist y'all listen to Salvatore while reading...

YEARNING

Summary: A moment to lounge and enjoy peace becomes much more eventful when Hannibal arrives homes from work—hungry;)

Content Warning: Smut, Hannibal Lector is SIMP!!! Spread the word, oral and fingering (f!receiving), male masturbation (he jacks off during snack-time)

Word Count: 2k

It’s nice to finally have the opportunity to lounge—nothing to write—no one to speak to—no where to go—just you, your book, and the sun accompanying you while you sit comfortably in the lounge chair that has recently been brought outside.  

You always believe you’re not one who’s affected by the seasons; that cold, dreary weather doesn't get the best of you. And you believe that until the weather starts to warm your body up and you feel like you just crawled out of a cave and haven't seen the sunlight in years. 

Your whole body feels hot, and your internal temperature rising from the hot sun on your barely covered skin. You didn’t want the sun to have to penetrate through anything—you wanted it direct. 

You can’t help but let out a sigh. You allow your head to roll back and take your eyes off the pages you are reading, savouring the way the heat permeates through your hair and warms your scalp. So caught up in your relaxation, you didn’t become aware of your partner's presence until you felt a hand on your shoulder that delicately squeezed you. 

You don’t feel the need to open your eyes; you just feel content. 

“You’re the most divine creature I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” He speaks. Oh, how you’ve missed his voice. You’ve both been so caught up in your respective careers that the simple attention he’s giving you right now makes the world seem like it’s stopped spinning and that it’s just you and him, no one else. 

He leans down and peppers kisses onto your shoulder; you can’t help but smile as his mouth trails upwords along the side of your neck. 

Your sure he can hear the grin that's carved onto your face as you speak, “I’m savouring the weather. Who knows how long it will be until we get another day like this.”

He only responds with a hum in agreement, or maybe just in enjoyment of his activities; your not quite sure. “Care to join me?’ You ask in hopes this isn’t just a fleeting moment; you miss him—you want him. 

He stays mute until he brings his lips to your carotid artery and lightly nibbles on the skin that serves to protect it. “I’ve missed you more than you know. I’m tempted to eat you up so I can have a piece of you forever.” He says before hashly nips you. 

It’s a frighting statement indeed, but he said it to you. If it were for someone else, it would be a threat, but for you, its a declaration of love. 

You can’t help but blush at his statement, “What's gotten into you?” 

He doesn't answer; instead, he continues to manifest his care with kisses instead of verbalizing it. His hand makes its way up your back as he pulls his head away. Before you can complain, he places his hands on your shoulders and rubs. You can’t help the small moan that makes its way out of your mouth due to the pressure on your muscles. 

You hear him quietly chuckle above you. You tilt your head back and open your eyes to look at him. 

He’s staring right back at you with a satisfied grin.

It’s ridiculous, and you know it. But sometimes you remember how beautiful he is and it takes you off guard, turning you into a blushing, love-sick fool. 

“Hi.” is all you can say. He says it back; you can see how humorous he finds this and how his simple touches seem to melt your brain away. 

You bring your hand up to his, where he working on your shoulder. “You just got home from work; I should be loving on you.” You say while bringing his hand to your mouth for a sweet kiss. 

He pulls his hand away, “Nonsense.” He says as he returns it back to your shoulder to continue your massage. “I live to love you.”

You love Hannibal, and you have no doubt your feelings are reciprocated, but its unusual for him to be this touchy. 

“I feel like you have bad news and you’re buttering me up.” You joke. You can't help but swoon as you hear his chuckle from above. 

“No bad news.” He says, “We’ve both been suffocated by our work lately and for the moment we aren't, and I feel it would be pitiful to waste it.” He explains. 

Your smile grows larger at his words, “Take off your blazer.” You tell him. You hear him laugh once more as he shrugs it off. 

You immediately understand how words come off. “No, not like that; I’m sure you’re baking in that. I’m just enjoying being here with you. I don’t need anything more.” Your a tad embarrassed by how forward you accidentally sounded, though he didn’t seem to mind. 

He places his blazer down somewhere out of sight. When he returns, his hand lands on your scalp where he gently drags his nails along it. “Just because you don’t need something more doesn’t mean you don’t want it.” 

You rotate your head back once more to look at him. You remember a few moments ago how soft his gaze was. Now it’s much more hungry. 

“I didn’t want to be greedy.” You whisper. There's no need for your quiet tone; Hannibal is the only other soul near you. Yet, just in case you stay hush. The words are meant for him. Yourself—your being—is all for him. 

“You’re too sweet.” His hand falls down farther. He’s slow with his movement, teasing you. His hand lies on your chest, above your heart; you know he’s revelling in the past pace of it—physical proof of your need for him. 

“Be greedy; you deserve it. Your always so good.” His hand  shifts to encompass your breast. He has a firm grip, but nothing to ensue pleasure; he’s waiting for your response. 

His simple words make your mind turn to putty. His face is next to yours—you can sense it. You feel his lips on your cheek—a gentle, kind kiss.  

“That's what I want. I want to be good for you.” It was the correct answer to assume as his hand slides beneath your swim top. 

You utter his name as he kneads your chest. You feel him exhale on your shoulder before biting into while pinching your nipple. His other hand, that’s not busy, starts to remove your top. 

Hannibal's fingers work deftly, sliding your swim top completely off and casting it aside. You feel the warmth of his body leave as he comes to kneel in front of you. Being able to fully see him for the first time since he’s come home, you drink in the sight of him. His own eyes are dark with desire as he takes in the sight of you. 

He kneels in front of you and leans his head against your knee. Its not that you don’t appreciate it, but it’s rare that he’s so indiscreet about his wants. He’s the most cryptic man you’ve ever met—dangerous too. And yet, he’s kneeling before you, looking at you like you’re what makes the world spin. 

He kisses your knee before sliding his hands up your outer thighs and pulling your bottoms down. Once removed and places aside, Hannibal grabs your hand thats laying lip beside you and takes it into your own, clasping your fingers in between yours to hold hand. 

His gaze stays on you, his eyes looking at you with desire and devotion as he gently prys his legs apart with his hand. 

“Hannibal.” You breath, your voice a mix of need and plea. 

He smiles, a sensual curve of his lips that sends a shiver through you, "I want to make you feel everything," he says softly, his breath warm against your skin. "Every touch, every kiss. Let me worship you."

With that, he lowers his head and leans in, his mouth immediately on your most intimate spot which he handles with such precision. His tongue is skilled, flicking and swirling around your clit in a manner that hitches your breath. 

“Fuck.” You swear while he uses his lips and teeth on you, alternating between gentle suction and soft nips.

You feel like he’s eating you alive. 

Your hands grip the soild arms of the chair, head thrown back as he continues his ministrations. You can feel the internal pressure build, the delicious tension coiling tighter and tighter inside you. His one hand presses down on your lower stomach to keep you still, holding you steady as he works you with his mouth. 

“So good.” He lowly hums into you, the vibration from his voice adding to your pleasure. He quickens his pace, moving to a faster rhythm as he removes his hand from yours and probes it around your leaking hole. 

“Please.” You gasp, and that’s all it takes for him to insert his digit inside you. He slowly drags it along your walls, only harshly hitting your sweet spot when you’ve been quiet for a moment. 

You feel yourself getting closer and closer as he sucks and licks; your words become unintelligible and are just as loud as your moans until suddenly, Hannibal pulls away. 

You watch him breathless as he removes both of his hands from you and brings them towards his belt to remove it. You both stare at each other as he unbuttons his trousers and lowers them slightly, just enough to remove himself.

His cock springs free, hard and dripping. He doesn't say a word as he lowers himself down and halts your legs over his shoulders while he dives into your core again. One hand he brings up to your pussy where he pushes two fingers in, moving them fast as his other hand wraps around his shaft. 

His movements are synchronized, moving both his hands at the same time, at the same speed, matching the rhythm. His gaze never leaves yours; the intensity of his glazed over eyes boring into your soul only nears you to your orgasm. 

The sight of him pleasuring himself while his tongue acts on your sensitive core is almost to much to bear. Every flick of his tongue, every movement of his hand causes your eyes to roll back into your skull. 

Hannibals moans reverberate against you, only making you melt more and more. His pace quickens, both on you and himself. As you look at him once again, you can see the strain in his muscles as he gets closer to his own relief. 

You reach down, threading your fingers between his hair and tug, urging him on. “Please Hannibal.” You whine, “Want you to cum.”

He groans at that. “So sweet, always so good for me.” 

His strokes become more frantic, his tongue more insistent. The sight of him on the edge, the feel of his relentless movements on your sensitive clit pushes you towards your climax. 

You feel your body arch towards him as your mind falls blank. The only thing in the world being Hannibal’s continued movements, his tongue on you and his fingers abusing your insides, drawing out your pleasure. 

With a gutteral groan, Hannibal finds his release. His warm cum spilling over his hand, making a mess on the ground below him. 

He collapses onto you, his head leaning against your thigh for a moment before he tucks himself back into his pants and rises. He presses soft kisses on your forehead, your cheeks, your lips, murmuring words of love and praise.

“You’re perfect.” You say quietly against his lips. 

He grins, his canines poking out and revealing themselves. “I could devour you forever.”

[eamour]

is this what you want ?

there are plenty of reasons why your desire hasn’t manifested into your physical reality yet, even if you "think" you have been persisting in the assumption that you already have it in your imagination. see, persistence guarantees success. if you persist in a thought, no matter how much you like or dislike it, it'll manifest. why is that so? it's because you are creating a belief and know that thought to be true regardless of your attitude towards it.

but do you ever think about why your desires aren't materialising? do you ever complain about how your desires take too long or never truly show up? or are you already getting tired of imagining the same scene over and over again every night, hoping it will finally manifest? well, maybe … just maybe … you don't want it enough — or at all.

who is desiring ?

when you are desiring something, who does that? who is desiring? your inner man. your real you. and that inner man clearly knows who you are, what you want, and so on.

nevertheless, we might not always be aware of what we truly want. yes, a luxurious life seems appealing, especially as it's easy to manifest — just like everything else — and because everybody wants to live lavish. but is that what you want? do you really desire that? we are told that we can have anything we want, but just because you can technically have it, do you really want to?

how to know if you want it.

you can tell if you actually desire something by your reaction to it. repeat a scene in your mind a couple of times and observe your reaction. do you get tired of it? does it no longer satisfy you? does it feel like a burden? you will have a hard time sticking to a mindset that doesn't make you happy, and will therefore fail to persist. now, those could all be signs for you that indicate you no longer or don't really want your desire (anymore).

naturally, you will want to engage with the feeling of having your desires which makes you want them in the first place. you will yearn for more of that feeling. if you're not doing that, you will pretty much remain as you are. that's how you know if you want it or not.

you must want to change self.

this is actually a phrase neville said! so, manifesting a change within your reality equals a change within yourself — and i'm not simply addressing the rearrangement of assumptions regarding external factors. no, i'm talking about how changing means to actually also change yourself. your attitude towards yourself, your set of beliefs aka your entire state changes. 

wanting to feel the change.

you manifest through feeling — not in an emotional sense, but through acceptance, knowing and realising that you are in possession of your manifestation. i like the way edward art puts it: "you can imagine what you want, but in order to really feel a change in self, it must be something you deeply want." knowing that, you must change yourself, and also need to want to feel the change. because wanting our desire to unfold in our realities means to long for the feeling that will be enabled in all of us.

not looking back.

edward said "the only way to not look back is by wanting to not look back." the same way you want to look forward and claim to have your desires, you must want to not look backward and claim not to have your desires. if you want your desire, if you want the feeling, why would you want the opposite? you wouldn't. and just like that, you can choose: do i have it or not?

want and feel the feeling.

do what you want to do. desire what you want to desire. and feel the feeling you would want to feel.

"we must want to change. we must want to think greater and greater. we must want to feel the best. we must want it. we must want to feel abundant. we must want to feel the best feelings for the sake of feeling the best." — edward art

with love, ella.

[eunseoksimp]

Same Mistake ; Jung Sungchan

this is a super short throwaway from a story i started writing last month but had no motivation to finish tbh.

Pairings: Ex Boyfriend! Sungchan x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst

Description: trapped in a cycle of love and heartbreak, you and sungchan navigate the complexities of a tumultuous relationship. as emotions flare and unspoken truths linger, both of you struggle to break free from the patterns that keep pulling you apart.

Warnings: none

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it was late, and the world outside was quiet in that eerie way it always was just past midnight. the city lights still flickered through the thin curtains, casting faint shadows across the room. the hum of distant traffic provided a low soundtrack to the silence that had settled between you and sungchan. the air felt thick with unspoken words, heavy with emotions neither of you had been brave enough to confront until now. 

you sat on opposite ends of the couch, though it felt like miles apart. sungchan was staring down at his hands, fingers loosely threaded together, while you picked at the fraying edge of a cushion, your mind racing as it always did in moments like this. moments of quiet before everything erupted into chaos again.

“why do you keep doing this?”

his voice broke the stillness, low and tired. you flinched, not because you didn’t expect the question but because you didn’t have an answer. not one that would satisfy him, anyway.

"doing what?" you asked, already knowing what he meant, but stalling. maybe if you delayed the inevitable long enough, it would somehow get easier.

"this." he gestured vaguely, frustration threading through his tone. 

"you act like you don’t care, like i mean nothing to you during the day. you’re cold, distant, like you’re not even here, and then at night..." his words trailed off, but you could hear the weight of what he left unsaid.

and then at night, everything changes. 

you bit your lip, trying to find the right words, but they were slippery, like water through your fingers. you hated how true it was, how predictable you had become. how predictable this entire cycle had become. distant during the day, yearning for connection at night. it was like you were two different people, and the worst part was, you weren’t sure which one was the real you anymore.

"sungchan, i..." you began, but your voice faltered, a lump forming in your throat. 

you didn’t know how to explain that you didn’t mean for things to be this way, that you didn’t even know how they had gotten so bad. it wasn’t like you had planned for this. for the distance. for the constant push and pull that left both of you exhausted.

"i don’t get it," he said, his frustration rising, voice cracking. "i’ve tried so hard to understand you, to meet you halfway, but it’s like you’re never really here. you’re always one step ahead, or one step behind, never where i need you to be." 

you winced at the sharpness in his words, knowing deep down he wasn’t wrong. you could feel the tension between you growing, pulling tighter with every passing second. it was only a matter of time before it snapped.

"i never meant for it to be like this," you whispered, your voice barely audible. 

but even as the words left your lips, they felt hollow. you didn’t even know if they were true. 

hadn’t you? hadn’t you known, deep down, that you were incapable of giving him what he needed? hadn’t you always been aware of the fact that no matter how much you wanted this to work, you were always going to sabotage it somehow?

"then why?" sungchan’s voice cracked, the vulnerability bleeding through his frustration. "why do you do it? why do you pull me in, only to push me away again? do you even care? do i even matter to you?"

your heart clenched at the rawness in his tone, the desperation that you had heard so many times before but never really listened to. because to listen would mean acknowledging how deeply you had hurt him. how deeply you were still hurting him. 

"of course you matter," you replied, your voice trembling. "you matter more than anything, sungchan." 

but even as you said it, you knew it wasn’t enough. words were just words, and they had lost their meaning long ago. every time you had said things would change, every time you had promised to try harder, to be better, had only led you both back here. to the same fight, the same frustration, the same heartbreak.

he let out a bitter laugh, leaning back against the couch, rubbing his face with his hands.

 “then why doesn’t it feel like it? why does it feel like i’m never enough for you? like no matter what i do, i’m always chasing after something that doesn’t even exist.”

his words hit you like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, all you could do was stare at him. there was so much pain in his eyes, so much exhaustion, and you knew that you were the cause of it. 

but what could you say? how could you explain that it wasn’t him, that it had never been about him? it was you. it was always you. 

you swallowed hard, your throat dry as you searched for something—anything—that might make this easier. 

"it’s not about you, sungchan," you finally said, your voice barely a whisper. "it’s me. i... i don’t know how to do this. i don’t know how to be what you need."

"and what exactly do i need?" he asked, his voice softer now, but still laced with frustration. 

you closed your eyes, willing yourself to stay calm, to keep your emotions in check. 

"someone who can give you all of themself. someone who isn’t afraid to commit, who doesn’t get scared and run away the second things get hard. someone who doesn’t make promises they can’t keep."

sungchan shook his head, running a hand through his hair. 

“you keep saying that like it’s some kind of excuse. like you can’t help it, but that’s the thing. you can. you choose this every time. you choose to stay half in and half out. and i... i can’t do it anymore.”

the finality of his words hung heavy in the air, and for a moment, all you could do was sit there in stunned silence. you had always known this was coming, always known that sooner or later, you would push him too far, but hearing him say it out loud made it feel real in a way it hadn’t before.

"so what are you saying?" you asked, your voice shaky. "are you... are you leaving?"

he sighed deeply, looking away, and for a second, you thought you saw his resolve waver. but then he spoke again, his tone steady, determined. 

"i don’t know. but i can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep waiting for you to decide if you want me or not. i’m tired, and it’s breaking me.”

the words sent a shock of pain through your chest, like a knife twisting in your heart. you had known you were hurting him, but hearing him say it so plainly made it impossible to ignore. 

"i never wanted to hurt you," you said, your voice barely audible. 

"but you did," he replied, his voice soft but firm. "and the worst part is, i don’t even think you realize how much."

you swallowed hard, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. he was right. you hadn’t realized. or maybe you had, but you had convinced yourself that it wasn’t that bad, that it wasn’t irreparable. but now, looking at him, seeing the exhaustion in his eyes, you knew you had been wrong.

"i’m sorry," you whispered, the words feeling hollow, but it was all you had.

he let out a breath, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. 

"i know you are," he said, his voice softer now. "but sorry doesn’t fix it."

you bit your lip, the taste of salt and regret on your tongue. he was right, of course. sorry wasn’t enough. not anymore.

"i don’t know how to fix it," you admitted, your voice trembling. "i don’t even know if i can."

sungchan looked up at you, his eyes searching your face as if he was trying to find something—anything—that might give him a reason to stay. but after a moment, he just shook his head, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"maybe that’s the problem," he said quietly. "maybe you’re not supposed to fix it. maybe we’re not supposed to keep trying to make this work when it’s clearly broken."

the words hit you like a tidal wave, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. this was it. this was the end, and you could feel it slipping through your fingers like sand, no matter how hard you tried to hold on.

"but i don’t want to lose you," you said, your voice breaking. "i don’t want this to be over."

"then why didn’t you fight for it?" he asked, his voice filled with pain and frustration. "why didn’t you fight for us before it got to this point?"

you didn’t have an answer, and the silence that followed was deafening.

he stood up, the movement sudden and jarring, and for a second, you thought he was going to walk out right then and there. but instead, he just stood there, looking down at you with a mixture of sadness and something else—something that looked an awful lot like defeat.

"i love you," he said quietly. "but i can’t keep fighting a battle that’s already lost."

the words shattered something inside of you, and you could feel the tears spilling over, hot and fast down your cheeks. you wanted to beg him to stay, to tell him that you would try harder, be better, do anything to make this work. but the truth was, you didn’t know if you could. 

and deep down, you knew that even if you tried, it wouldn’t be enough. not anymore.

he lingered for a moment, his hand reaching out like he wanted to touch you, to offer some kind of comfort, but then he dropped it to his side, his expression crumpling into something unreadable.

“goodbye,” he whispered, turning away before you could respond, leaving the room and you sitting alone with the wreckage of what was left.

the door clicked softly behind him, but the sound echoed in the stillness of the room, final and absolute.

you sat there for a long time, staring at the spot where he had been, trying to make sense of the emptiness that had settled over you. this wasn’t how it was supposed to end. not like this. but deep down, you had always known it would. you had always known that no matter how much you tried to hold on to the fragments, they were slipping through your fingers, one by one.

and now, it was over.

you didn’t move for what felt like hours, your mind replaying every argument, every promise, every moment of hope and heartbreak that had led you here. you had loved him. you still loved him. but somewhere along the way, you had lost yourself. and in trying to hold on to him, you had let go of the pieces of yourself that had once made you whole.

you thought back to all the times you had promised things would change, that you would be different, better. but no matter how many times you made those promises, the patterns always repeated. the same fights, the same hurt, the same cycle of pushing and pulling until neither of you could breathe.

and now, you were drowning in the consequences.

you moved towards the window, your feet heavy as if each step carried the weight of all the things you never said. the city was still alive out there, vibrant and uncaring, the world going on as if your heart wasn’t breaking into tiny pieces.

 the lights blurred behind your tear-filled eyes, and you wiped them away with the back of your hand, frustrated at yourself for feeling so small. for feeling like a part of you had just walked out of that door.

but the truth was, sungchan hadn’t just left tonight. the two of you had been drifting apart for months now, maybe longer. it had started out so beautifully, with everything seeming to fall into place effortlessly, but somewhere along the way, the cracks had begun to show.

you leaned against the cold glass, memories flooding your mind, uninvited. 

the first time you met, at a party you hadn’t even wanted to go to. you could still see the way he had looked at you from across the room, his eyes bright, curious, like he had seen something in you that no one else had. and maybe that was what had drawn you to him in the first place—the way he made you feel like you were someone special. like you were worth looking at, worth knowing.

it had been exciting, new. you were young, full of hope and potential, and he had been so different from anyone you had ever known. taller than everyone in the room, with a quiet intensity that was disarming. you had felt a spark between you that night, a gravitational pull that made everything else disappear. 

the early days were like that—magnetic. you couldn’t get enough of each other, and you didn’t want to. you stayed up late talking, sharing pieces of yourselves that you hadn’t shown anyone before. you talked about your dreams, your fears, and in those moments, you felt seen in a way that was both thrilling and terrifying.

but as time passed, that intensity, that pull, began to shift. you couldn’t pinpoint when exactly, but slowly, the closeness you once shared became stifling. what had felt like comfort turned into something heavier, something that made you feel suffocated. maybe it was the pressure of trying to live up to who he thought you were, or maybe it was the way you had started to lose yourself in the process of trying to be everything he needed. 

and then there was sungchan—always so sure of what he wanted, always so certain about everything. he wanted you, wanted a future with you, and while that should have been enough, it wasn’t. because you weren’t sure of anything, least of all yourself.

you closed your eyes, feeling the sting of tears again, the memories of your past arguments playing on a loop in your mind. there had been so many nights like this, where things started out calm, quiet, only to end with one of you walking away, leaving the other in the wreckage of all the things unsaid. 

you hated fighting with him, but somehow, every conversation seemed to turn into a battle. no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, you always ended up here, locked in this endless cycle of push and pull, of wanting him close but also needing space, needing to breathe. 

you thought back to earlier tonight, when he had sat across from you, eyes filled with the same frustration you had seen so many times before.

"you don’t even know what you want, do you?" he had said, his voice low but sharp, cutting right to the core of you. it was a question he had asked before, and you hated it, because he was right.

you had tried to respond, to defend yourself, but the words got tangled in your throat. it was like every time you tried to explain how you felt, it came out wrong, twisted into something you didn’t mean. so you stayed silent, letting the tension grow, waiting for it to snap.

"it’s like you’re always one foot out the door," he had continued, his voice breaking, and you could see the exhaustion in his eyes. "i’m tired of wondering where i stand with you. i’m tired of waiting for you to make up your mind."

and you had sat there, frozen, knowing that he deserved better. knowing that he was right, but not knowing how to fix it. not knowing if you even could.

his words echoed in your mind now, the weight of them settling over you like a heavy blanket, suffocating in their truth. you had always been afraid of commitment, of giving too much of yourself to someone and losing who you were in the process. and with sungchan, that fear had become a reality. 

you wanted to love him, wanted to be the person he needed, but you didn’t know how. and every time you tried, every time you made a promise to change, you fell back into the same patterns, repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

"god, why can’t i just be normal?" you muttered to yourself, pressing your forehead against the cool glass. it was an endless loop in your mind. you wanted to love him, but every time you got close, you pulled away. 

you wanted to be better, but every time things got difficult, you found yourself slipping back into the same habits—pushing him away during the day, only to crave his touch at night. it was like some part of you couldn’t handle the intimacy, the vulnerability of being loved, and so you sabotaged it before it could get too close. before he could get too close.

you turned away from the window, the weight of your thoughts dragging you down. your phone was still sitting on the coffee table, silent, mocking you with its stillness. part of you wanted to call him, to apologize, to beg him to come back. but another part of you knew that it wouldn’t change anything. you had done this dance too many times before, and no amount of apologies or promises could fix the brokenness between you.

the sound of your own footsteps seemed too loud in the quiet apartment as you paced back and forth, trying to make sense of the mess in your head. you had wanted this to work, hadn’t you? you had tried. so why couldn’t you just let go of whatever it was that kept pulling you away from him?

and then there was sungchan—always so patient, always so willing to wait for you to figure things out. but even he had his limits. you had seen it in his eyes tonight, the way he had looked at you with a mix of frustration and resignation, like he was finally realizing that no matter how much he tried, you were never going to be the person he needed you to be.

he had always been the strong one, the one who held things together when they started to fall apart. but tonight, for the first time, you saw the cracks in his facade. you saw the weariness in his eyes, the way his shoulders sagged under the weight of it all. and you knew, deep down, that you were the cause of it.

you sat down on the couch, your legs folding under you as you stared at the empty space where he had been. your mind wandered back to the first time you had fought. it had been about something small, something so insignificant you couldn’t even remember the details now. but the way he had looked at you afterward, like he couldn’t believe that this was who you were, had stayed with you.

he had been so confused, so hurt, and you had been unable to explain why you had reacted the way you did. it had been the beginning of the pattern—the pushing and pulling, the way you would shut down whenever things got too real, too close. 

you sighed, leaning your head back against the couch, your eyes staring up at the ceiling. you had never been good at vulnerability. even as a kid, you had learned to keep your feelings tucked away, hidden from the world. your parents had never been the type to show affection, and you had grown up believing that love was something distant, something earned through achievement rather than freely given. 

and so, when sungchan had come into your life, with his open heart and his unwavering belief in love, you hadn’t known what to do with it. it had felt foreign, like a language you didn’t understand, and your instinct had been to run. but he had stayed, even when you pushed him away. he had stayed through every fight, every moment of doubt, believing that you were worth it. 

but now, you could see that belief starting to fade. 

the silence stretched on, the minutes ticking by, and you wondered what he was doing right now. was he as torn up as you were, or was he relieved that he had finally said the words that had been weighing on him for so long? 

you wiped at your eyes again, the tears coming slower now, but the ache in your chest remained. it was a dull, constant pain, one that you knew wouldn’t go away easily. 

"what the hell am i doing?" you whispered to the empty room, your voice barely audible. you had asked yourself that question so many times, but tonight, it felt heavier, more urgent. you had spent so long trying to protect yourself, trying to keep your heart safe from the pain of being fully known, but in the process, you had pushed away the one person who had been willing to love you anyway.

you stood up, your movements slow and deliberate, and walked to the small bookshelf by the door. there, tucked between a stack of books was a small box—a collection of mementos from your relationship. you hesitated for a moment before pulling it out, your fingers tracing the edges of the worn cardboard.

you sat back down on the couch, the box in your lap, and opened it slowly. inside were small tokens of your time together—movie tickets, polaroid pictures, handwritten notes.

you stared at the contents of the box, a flood of memories washing over you, each one a snapshot of the life you had shared with sungchan. the polaroids caught your eye first—moments frozen in time. there was one of him laughing, his eyes scrunched up and his mouth open wide in a way that made you feel warm inside, back when things were still easy between you. you remembered taking that picture, teasing him for being so serious all the time. 

"you’re always in your head," you had said, holding the camera up. "smile for once."

and he had—because you asked him to. because that’s who sungchan was, always giving a little bit more than you deserved.

your thumb brushed over another photo, this one of the two of you together, arms around each other, smiling in front of a beach sunset. your faces were flushed from the summer heat, and his hair was a mess from the wind, but you both looked happy. genuinely happy. 

you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears, but it was useless. they spilled over, and you let them fall this time. the weight of everything—the good memories, the bad ones, the regret—it all hit you at once. there were too many things left unsaid, too many chances you hadn’t taken. all the times you could’ve been honest with him but chose to stay silent instead. 

why was it so hard for you to love him the way he needed? you had asked yourself that question a thousand times, but no answer ever came.

as you sifted through the box, you found a note, folded and tucked away at the bottom. it was one of the first letters sungchan had written to you, back when he used to leave little messages for you to find. you unfolded it, your hands trembling as you read the familiar handwriting.

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

the words were simple, but the meaning behind them was everything. it wasn’t just a declaration of love—it was a promise. a promise that he had kept, over and over, despite how difficult things had become. he had believed in you, in the two of you, even when you couldn’t believe in yourself.

but now, as you sat here alone, holding onto fragments of what once was, you realized how much you had taken that for granted. sungchan had been everything you had ever wanted—patient, kind, understanding—and yet, it still hadn’t been enough. or maybe *you* hadn’t been enough.

the thought made you sick to your stomach. how had you let it get to this point? how had you let someone like him slip away?

the weight of your regret felt unbearable. you had always told yourself that you didn’t need anyone, that you were fine on your own, but the truth was that you were terrified. terrified of letting someone in, of letting them see all the parts of you that you didn’t even want to look at yourself. and in trying to protect yourself, you had pushed away the only person who had ever truly seen you.

you pressed the note to your chest, closing your eyes as more tears spilled over. you had been selfish, hadn’t you? always running from your own emotions, always pulling away whenever things got too real. and now, it was too late. sungchan had finally reached his breaking point, and you couldn’t blame him for it.

as the minutes passed, you began to replay the countless arguments in your head. the way you’d get defensive, shutting him out whenever he tried to dig deeper, to understand what was really going on inside your head. the way he’d always try to smooth things over afterward, his voice soft as he asked you to just talk to him. 

"tell me what you’re thinking," he’d say, his eyes searching yours. "i don’t want to guess anymore."

but you never did. you never let him in. and now you were paying the price.

suddenly, your phone buzzed on the coffee table, startling you. your heart leaped in your chest for a brief moment—maybe it was sungchan. maybe he was calling to apologize, to tell you that he wasn’t really leaving. maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance.

but when you looked at the screen, your heart sank. it wasn’t him. just a notification, something meaningless. you let out a shaky breath, the hope that had flared up inside you quickly extinguished. 

he wasn’t going to call. this time, he was really gone.

you stood up, feeling restless, pacing the small living room as your mind raced. what were you supposed to do now? you couldn’t undo the past, couldn’t take back the things you had said—or the things you hadn’t said. and the worst part was, you didn’t even know if you deserved another chance. you had hurt him, over and over again, with your indecision, your fear of commitment. 

was it selfish to want him back now? or was it just another one of those moments where you were chasing something you couldn’t have? 

you sank down onto the couch again, your head in your hands. maybe you didn’t deserve him. maybe this was just the universe’s way of telling you that some things weren’t meant to be. 

but even as you tried to accept that, the ache in your chest refused to go away. because the truth was, you loved him. you always had. you just didn’t know how to show it. 

and now, maybe you never would.

the minutes stretched into hours as you sat there, lost in your own thoughts, the weight of your emotions pressing down on you like a physical burden. you thought about all the moments you had shared, the laughter, the late-night talks, the way his hand had felt in yours. you thought about the future you had once imagined with him, the life you could’ve had if things had been different.

and you thought about the mistakes you had made, the things you would give anything to take back. the promises you had broken, not just to him, but to yourself. you had wanted to be better, but somehow, you always ended up falling back into the same patterns, the same destructive habits.

why couldn’t you just be enough?

the thought echoed in your mind, over and over, until it was the only thing you could hear. you had spent so long trying to protect yourself, trying to keep your heart safe.

but in the end, all you had done was build walls that no one, not even sungchan, could break through.

and now, you were alone.

[bucky-barnes-diaries]

Day 23 — Overstimulation

Pairing || Stalker!Bucky x Female!Reader

Word Count || Around 700

Contents & Warnings || Smut, Dark — NSFW, 18+ Only, Minors DNI, non-con, explicit content/language, pet names, obsessive/stalker behaviour, break-in, restraints, forced orgasm, multiple orgasms, squirting, begging, praising, sex toys, mention of bodily fluids.

Disclaimer || English is not my first language so I apologise for any mistakes or misunderstandings!

Kinktober Masterlist

“No, no, no, pleeease,” you begged the man, but to no use, as another surge of blinding ecstasy struck you hard, making you scream and convulse on the bed uncontrollably. The restraints that held you made it impossible for you to move your hands or close your bound legs to make the painful pleasure stop, making him smirk as he watched you struggle. At this point, there was no use in fighting the man overstimulating you for his needs and sadistic pleasure.

He towered over your limp and bare body with a wicked smirk playing on his lips and darkness swimming in his eyes. There was a sinister tone laced in his voice as he spoke, with a surprising hint of softness and care buried deep in it.

“I will not stop. Not when I have you tied up and to my every mercy. I will take advantage of you and watch you come undone again and again until you're nothing but a sensitive and overstimulated mess for me.”

“I-I can't,” you sobbed at his promise of more stimulation while tears streamed down your face.

“Yes, you can. You have to, for me. I've wanted you for weeks, my precious doll. I've been watching you. Yearning for you for so long now. And now, when I finally have you, I'm never letting go.” His words made you shudder in fear and hidden desire.

He placed a light and tender kiss on your clammy cheek. His warm breath tingled your skin as he uttered his last words. “I'll take care of you, baby, I promise.”

As promised, he pressed the vibrator to your overstimulated and abused clit again, intending to make you come and squirt for him even more. He placed himself near your dripping and quivering pussy, wanting to watch very closely as he brought forth another earth-shattering and toe-curling orgasm.

He turned on the powerful toy at full strength, making you cry, and your body tensed up as an instant surge of electricity coursed through your nerves. The lines between pleasure and pain overlapped, making you almost numb to the sensation, but at the same time, you've never been so aware of your body and mind as of right now.

You began to toss and writhe on the sheets as you neared your ecstasy for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. Involuntarily, your hips bucked into the vibrator, desperate for more stimulation on your throbbing clit. You tried to grasp onto something, anything, to keep yourself firm and solid as it became too much for you to bear.

“Attagirl,” the man sneered as he observed that you were indeed needy for the stimulation despite not knowing yourself.

“O-oh my goood,” you sobbed as your mind went fuzzy and white as another intense rush of bliss and cruel pleasure travelled through each and every nerve ending in your sensitive body. Your eyes rolled back into your skull, hips thrusting up and legs shaking as your walls contracted around nothing, and your clit throbbed violently against the vibrator as it never stopped stimulating you, continuing to draw out your orgasm and making you squirt uncontrollably.

After what felt like several minutes of excruciating pleasure, you lay once more limp and sore as you panted heavily after the absolute mess the man had made of you. No thoughts in your brain whatsoever.

“You did so well, my precious doll,” he praised.

You hoped that he would show you mercy now, but it didn't seem like he was thoroughly done and satisfied with you just yet as he shoved two fingers into your deprived pussy, making you shriek, and his lips ghosted your swollen and abused bundle of nerves.

“P-please,” you begged in a whine, not even sure for what at this point—for him to stop or keep on going.

“I'm still not done with you, baby,” he murmured before taking your raw clit captive between his lips, ready to draw out even more from you until you were all used up and empty.

Feedback through a comment is highly appreciated! Or let me know through an anonymous ask if that feels more comfortable. As well as a reblog to share my work with other people!

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[violettduchess]

Ahhh I hope I'm not too late! Thank you for opening requests! This is exciting! Would you mind doing some headcannons for Cyran, Chevalier, Clavis, and Matias with Emma at a Festival At Night prompt? Thank you! ❤️

A/N: Here you go @echoes-in-the-forest!

A final entry for the Sunshine and Starlight CC hosted by myself and @lorei-writes.

Featuring: Cyran, Matthias, Clavis, Chevalier

Note: Requests that were not written for the challenge may still be written! I just didn't have time to get them all done for this.

WC: 2k

Cyran

The stars above blaze with cold light like diamond-bright pinpricks across the black velvet sky. Over Cyran’s shoulder, the town answers with its own glow: the flickering of white fairy lights strung along the buildings and the stronger, warm orange of the bonfire at the town’s center. For a moment, the sight grabs your attention, holding it prisoner in illuminated chains. But Cyran reclaims it with the grip of his hands on your hips, the hot press of his lips to your cheek. Your eyes fall shut, enshrouding you in darkness but heightening every other sense: the whisper of the wind through the trees as it blends with the gruff sighs of your beloved when you pull him closer; the sweet echo of sparkling wine you can still taste on his tongue; the feel of the rough tree bark through your blouse, against your back; the soft linen of his tunic under your palms, the summer-sun heat of his mouth as it meets yours again and again.

“Seems like coming tonight was a good idea.” You hardly recognize your voice, your breath so shallow, the words rising and falling on an ocean of yearning. He grins against your lips, pulls you even closer. “It will be,” he murmurs with a playful bite to your lower lip. You would chastise him, but you’re laughing too much, giddy with desire and wine and Cyran. Not many have access to this side of him, this passionate, soft, sweet soul that has allowed you in where few have ever tread and holds you there, safe and loved.

“We should at least find somewhere….not quite so woodsy.” You love him and you want him, but you’re also very aware of the sounds of the music, still audible even from the trees where you have hidden yourselves, the laughter of the festival crowd punctuating the air. With great control, he steps away from you, pausing a moment to brush your hair from your shoulders, tuck an errant strand back into place tenderly before looking back at the twinkling village, his bright eyes scanning the night. Then he smiles, slow and satisfied.

“The carriage is not far away. I believe we told the driver we’d stay until midnight which gives us over an hour–” He doesn’t need to say another word. You’ve already threaded your fingers through his, leading the way.

Matthias

He watches the dancing crowd with serious blue eyes, the flickering flame of the torches illuminating their azure depths like frostfire. His tall, strong body radiates a stillness contradictory to the energetic fiddle music that surrounds you. You reach out, sliding your hand into his, wrapping your fingers around his prominent knuckles. A slight tug is all it takes. He glances down at you and tilts his head in inquiry.

“You want to dance?” It doesn’t take a soldier’s hawk-eyed vision to see the hope in your face, the bright question in your eyes. Anyone else would get a cool shake of his noble-head, a frown on his beautiful lips. But you aren’t just anyone. For you, he’d move mountains. For you, he’d raze villages. For you, he will dance.

Effortlessly he takes you into his arms and steps seamlessly into the moving crowd. Under his steady guidance you glide across the cobblestones of the town square as if they were smooth as ice, faster and faster. You are a petal in the wild wind, stardust blown across the snow-capped peaks of the Acroite mountains. You focus on him as the world spins around you. The warm torchlight highlights the blond of his hair and he looks as if he has been kissed by the flames. He quite literally takes your breath away.

You spin like twin planets to the fiddlers' spirited playing until, sadly, the bows pull their final stroke across the strings and the music comes to an end. With your heart racing and your cheeks warm with joy and exertion, he leads you away, sliding a strong arm around your waist as you try to catch your breath. He bends down, his lips close to your ear. “Is everything alright?” You nod, leaning into the strength of his side. When you meet his gaze, you find him studying you, concern tugging his mouth down into a frown. “It was a lively dance and we spun so quickly.” You pause, offering him a gentle smile. “But I do so love dancing with you, Matthias.”

The sincerity of your words pierces his worried demeanor and softens his expression, washing his handsome face in the soft watercolor of love. Spontaneously, he cups your cheek and bends further to kiss you, once, with more tenderness than anyone would think him capable of. You know there is more in that gesture than words could do justice. “My Rosebud.” And then he smiles, soft as morning mist over the mountains. “I love dancing with you, too.”

Clavis

The liquid in your hammered tin cup is a very aggressive green, even in the light of the bonfire at the town’s center. Skeptically, you raise your gaze to Clavis, meeting his delighted golden gaze. “What did you do to my whiskey?” He is still in the process of tucking the small packet of powder back into his jacket pocket. His grin never falters as he looks into your cup and then into your eyes. “Try it, my sweet lamb. I promise I’ve only made it even tastier than usual.” Noting the furrow of your brow, he traces his finger along your cheek. “Trust me, darling. I’d never deceive you.”

You soften at his words. He’d never do anything to hurt you…or make you ill. Ignoring the way your body wants to rebel at the noxious color, you bring the cup to your lips and drink. Flavor explodes across your taste buds. It’s the warmth of a hearthfire on a cold winter’s night. It’s the smokey-voiced whisper of a lover asking you to come to bed. It’s an explosion of amber rioting en masse on your tongue. It’s powerful and comforting and unlike anything you have ever tasted.

“Clavis,” you gasp, gripping his arm with your free hand. “This is amazing.” If he were a peacock, he’d be splaying his tail feathers right now. “I told you, my love.”  He links his arm through yours. “Come with me, let’s go watch the fire eater. I’ve heard amazing things.” You take another sip from your cup. “I drink more of this and I bet I can give them a run for their money.” He laughs as you walk together towards the grassy area where you can watch the display. “Perhaps I should be sure.” Pausing, he catches your chin and tilts your head up before leaning down to kiss you. You melt into the familiar feel of his lips, the comfort of his scent and touch. He takes a moment longer to open his eyes, savoring the taste. “No more flames here than the usual ones every kiss from you causes.” You shake your head, unable to keep from giggling. 

As you settle down onto the cool grass to watch the fire eater, Clavis sneaks a glance at your profile. Beloved, beautiful, the most dear sight in the entire world to him…..even if your lips have turned a most vivid shade of green.

Chevalier

There is so much to see! Acrobats tumbling across the grass, a bonfire right in the town’s center. Fairy lights are strung from building to building. Vendors ply their wares, selling everything from homemade jewelry and woven scarves to meat pies and whiskey. A lively band plays a jig and townspeople dance with glowing abandon, clasping hands and fluttering eyelashes. Young couples sneak off into the bordering forest while others take to the cover of the shadows between buildings. You finish your last bite of powdered pastry and turn to Chevalier who is watching the revelry with a neutral expression. “Do I have any sugar on my face?” He glances at you and the corner of his mouth lifts in an amused smile. “Naturally.” He reaches up, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away the dusting of white at the corner of your mouth. You’re contemplating playfully biting that thumb when you hear a wail from quite nearby.

A small child of about five years old is crying, clutching a red balloon in one hand. She has dark curls that spill down her back, the rest of her hair tied up and out of her face with an enormous yellow bow at the back of her head. Her white stockings are dirty as is the smock of her buttercup yellow dress. Oh dear. After exchanging glances with Chevalier, you approach the little girl, kneeling so you are at her level.

“What’s the matter, little one?” The child tries to speak through her sobbing, knuckling at her teary brown eyes with her free hand. “My b-b-balloon flew away and I w-went to catch it. I followed it d-down an alley but once I had it, I looked and my mum was gone! I’ve lost her!” She collapses into tears again. You reach out, placing a soothing hand on her narrow back. “Shh…it’s alright.” You glance over your shoulder at Chevalier. He’s watching you both, his blue eyes dark in the dim light. “We’ll help you find her.” The little girl considers your words as tears slide freely down her round cheeks. She sniffles. “You will?” Then she pauses, suddenly realizing her situation as she takes a step back. “I’m not s-supposed to talk to strangers.” She reminds you of a fawn, trembling right before it sprints into the cover of the forest.

You glance over your shoulder and then turn back to her. “It is a good thing that he is a Prince of Rhodolite.” Brown eyes widen as she looks at Chevalier with newfound awe. “You’re a prince?” He nods once, curtly. “Indeed he is,” you continue. “And it is a prince’s duty to help his subjects when they are in need. Isn’t that right?” You give him a very pointed look and he blinks before answering. “Correct.” The young girl’s crying is forgotten as she studies him. “So princes have to help their people.” He nods again. “It is one of their most important tasks,” you add. She considers this a moment and then mirrors Chevalier’s nod. “Alright.”

You stand, turning to face the crowd of people. After a moment, he addresses the young girl. “You require a higher vantage point.” She nods as if she understands what he means and then lets out a whoop of delight when he lifts her up high onto his shoulders. Her red balloon still held firmly in one hand, she automatically scans the crowd. “There! I see her! By the popcorn stand!!” She thumps Chevalier excitedly on the head and you have to suppress your own laughter. Gruffly he lowers her and without hesitation, she grabs his hand, tugging him in the direction she saw her mother with you in tow.

When her mother spots her, she rushes forward, wrapping the little girl in her arms. “Oh, my love, you gave me such a fright.” A waterfall of gratitude falls from her lips as she thanks both you and Chevalier for your help. The little girl gently breaks free of her mother's relieved embrace and hurries towards Chevalier. She stops right in front of him and smiling brightly, holds out the balloon. “A present. For being a good prince and helping me.” He looks uncertain a moment until you press a gentle, unseen hand against his back. Clearing his throat, he takes the offering. “You’re welcome,” he answers solemnly. 

The little girl and her mother take their leave. As they depart, you can hear the mother’s voice as it fades. “A prince? Oh Lorei, do stop with your wild stories.” When they have disappeared from sight, you reach up, wrapping your arms around Chevalier’s waist and hug him tightly. He embraces you back with one arm, head tilted. “Yes?” 

You lean back to look at him, the red balloon bobbing above his head and smile. “I love you. That’s all.” He offers you one of his rare, open smiles in response before dropping a kiss on your forehead. “And I, you.”

Taglist: @alexxavicry @queengiuliettafirstlady @bellerose-arcana @thewitchofbooks @aria-chikage

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[lokiandbuckysdoll]

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐻𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐻𝑜𝓁𝒹𝓈 𝒜𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒫𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇

Summary: Loki Holds all the power in his hand when he wants you.

Pairing: Loki x Plus-sized! Reader

Word count: 844

Warnings: 18+!! SMUT!, IMPACT PLAY KINK! ( well my attempt at it lmao) Spanking, DOM! Loki. Use of a flogger. Language, unprotected sex.

A/N: My first kinktober fic. I hope you enjoy this. As always let me know if I missed tagging something!. Kinktober23 list

From the minute you walked into the room, he had his eyes on you, and as you drew nearer to him, they followed every step you took. His desire for you increased as a result of the intoxicating scent of your perfume. Loki looks down at the garment that hugs your body and contours flawlessly.

His eyes lock onto yours as you raise your head to meet them. "Darling, you look delectable tonight, I just want to ruin you." He pulls off your dress with a flick of his fingers. He was naked from the waist up and stood tall. He stretched his stance, a perfect arc of long limbs from his heavy boots leading to the top of his huge cock. Signature leather tights rested snug to his firmly formed hips. His hands traced the contours of your figure, feeling each line for signs of resistance. He couldn't locate any.

"Take me, my prince," you said as he placed his palms on the curve of your ass, which had been peeking out from his favorite panties on you.  "Mhm, I think I just might have too," He said, as he became transfixed on your sallow eyes that were looking up at him.

When your palm was turned upward and cupped his rigid length through the cloth covering it, he tipped his head back and gasped in pleasure. He slowly backed away from you as his eyes tore through your body. He was aware of your previously existing wetness, slickness, and readiness for a full-on fuck.

A long flogger emerged within his right palm, which blazed. He wielded it like a weapon, the lashes enclosed in dark green leather and glinted in the firelight as it stretched towards you.

The rough leather caressed your face, delicately tapping you once. His eyes glinted as he slid the tool between your breasts, assessing your obedience. "Turn around, my dear, hands down…ass up." His rich voice, filled with sensual need,  shot a rush through you, leaving you wet and longing for his touch.

As he pulled his rapid attack through to completion, the flogger hurt vibrantly on the delicate flesh. As you prepared for the next wonderful stroke, you caught sight of the god's backhand out of the corner of your eye; Thwack

Each one pushed you farther into the bed. As he marked you again and again, his unrestrained hand found its way to the bottom of your back, cursing dirty insults that made you tighten. Your mind raced; Thwack

As he took his fill, you whimpered like a whore against the covers. He was lethargic. Purposeful. loving each flawlessly timed measure of his dominance's theatrics.

You wanted to be satisfied with the blistering heat inside you more than anything, for his magnificent cock to comfort you from within and out; Thwack

"Only a couple of more, my Love…you're performing so well," he said softly as he reached down to kiss your backside. He moved his long fingers along your curves and reached your yearning cunt, his name spilled from your lips, increasing to the origin of pleasure which he knew so well.

You felt like you were floating on air, engulfed in the pleasure and agony of his every touch. As he took his hand away from you, the angle altered dramatically. As he unfastened his pants and gripped both of his hands onto your hipbones, the flogger slipped to the floor. His breath caressed your face as he pressed his chest against your back. "Give in to me now, my little slut," he hissed as he slipped his cock into you from behind. "Come around your master's cock, envelope me in your devotion…" His voice got raspy as you gasped, finally feeling him inside of you.

Loki's speed quickened with each thrust, and he lifted his palm and placed a harsh slap on your redden ass as his sperm spurted into your urgently keening cunt as you longed for the pressure his pelvic thrusts offered. "Fuck.. Yes right there, darling!" he thrust one last time, and you fell over the edge with a strangled shout of your prince's name. You both dropped onto the bed, exhausted. As he wrapped you in his arms and kissed you tenderly, his moist hair fell into your eyes.

"Darling, this was phenomenal…" he breathed as you kissed him on the neck. His chest vibrated with heavy breaths, and the salt of his sweat that accumulated on his muscles clung to your lips as you kissed him again. "We certainly must do this again."

"I agree," you giggled, the comforting afterglow of your climax calming the stinging feeling on your lower body. "It felt amazing, but my ass is sore now" He chuckled darkly as he twisted over you, trapping you to the bed as his hair fell to your face and your waiting lips.

"I know a different thing that might be able to ease your mind of the soreness" He declared lustily over you, as he began to kiss his way down your abdomen.

TAGS🏷️ @caothicshit @huntressandlioness1 @huntress-artemiss @eleniblue @just-another-blog34411 @Slave4loki @Moonchildofgalifey @foxherder @hannibals-favourite-meal @silverfire475 @vbecker10 @sarahrogersevans @sarahscribbles @Tomandcakes @lyds247 @mochie85 @loopsisloops @nana1000night @ladyofthestayingpower @coldnique @lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl

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[anqelically]

ranpo + dialogue prompt 5 pretty please? i want to suffer and have my heart crushed by you pls <3

losing game | ranpo edogawa x gn!reader

word count: 1.2k

content: no manga spoilers, angst

navi | bsd masterlist | event (closed)

you knew people always yearn for something that isn’t good for them. you’ve witnessed it before your very eyes. over and over, you watched as they chased after the momentarily satisfying moments, even if the effects would hurt. you weren’t immune to taking such actions, though you wished you were.

your feelings burdened your shoulders, so heavily that you only wished for them to wash away. to love someone is a double-edged sword, and it pierced your heart painfully so.

the armed detective agency was an organization of ability users that dealt with, for the most part, other ability users. an unsolved mystery that was keeping the nation on its toes is what led you to be partnered up with ranpo. despite his hesitance to work with you, you managed to prove yourself useful.

when ranpo wasn’t busy with other work with agency, you spent almost all your time together. you’d give him reports and evidence that was newly found, and he’d start to put the pieces of the whole puzzle together.

there were also days when the two of you would go to cafes or bakeries, the large case forgotten in your minds. you think it was those times that caused you to fall for ranpo.

he would act childish and take heavy pride in his “ability”, yet that never stopped your heart from skipping a beat in his presence. his small acts of kindness, such as protecting you from criminals during interrogations or giving you a snack when you were overworking, had always made you sure of the truth.

you love him, and it’s a shame. 

the case was eventually solved, therefore ending the working relationship that you and ranpo had formed. the final day would be during a party that celebrated the fact that the infamous case had been solved.

you stood on one of the many balconies of the building while the breeze embraced you in its cool touch. you managed to slip outside without anyone at the celebration stopping you. it was difficult, considering the number of people inside.

you were by yourself outside for a while before another presence joined you. donned in a charming suit, ranpo approached your lone figure. he held a cup of dark brown liquid that you assumed to be soda. ranpo didn’t like to drink liquor.

“what are you doing out here?” you asked.

ranpo took a sip of his soda, “i saw you walk out earlier.”

“just when i thought i could go unnoticed,” you chuckled. “nothing slips past your eyes, huh?”

silence engulfed the two of you like an itchy blanket. you tapped your foot mindlessly as the alcohol you drank flooded your body. ranpo said nothing as you drank, staring at the star-littered sky. on the other hand, your body was getting hot despite the cool weather.

you decided to speak up, “hey, ranpo?”

“yeah?” he hummed.

“after this… do you think we’ll ever get to work together again?”

you didn’t dare look at ranpo after you asked that. you could feel his gaze wander to your figure, but your eyes remained on the scenery beneath the balcony. the large garden kept your eyes fancied as you waited for a response.

“the chances are low.” your heart sunk at the harsh truth that escaped ranpo’s lips. “a case like this to work on comes very rarely. not only that, but your base of operations isn’t even in yokohama. your normally stationed hours away, so working together was unforeseen in the first place. the odds that we’d land a large-scale case like this again obviously seems almost impossible.”

every word ranpo spoke— you already knew it. you were aware that you’d probably never see him again unless the two of you take the time out of your schedules to.

once you leave yokohama and get back to your normal work, you’re sure you’ll be busy like you always were. ranpo would probably be in the same state, considering that his incredible deduction skills were needed all over the country.

your head began to pound, so you took in a deep breath and exhaled through your mouth. your fingers curled around the balcony’s railing as you gathered all the courage you had so you could face him properly.

“i have something to confess,” you faced ranpo bravely, “and i know you probably will, but i want you to be completely honest with me. please, no tricky words or phrases, or telling me code i have to decipher. i… i want to hear exactly what you have to say.”

ranpo merely hummed at your words, urging you to continue. you swallowed the saliva building in your throat before you stared him in the eyes. tension suspended in the air as ranpo waited for you to speak. but as your eyes remained on his, you couldn’t speak your truth.

your lips opened and shut as you tried to spill the truth, but all the courage you had built up dissipated. you were going to lower your head in shame until ranpo made the first move. he stepped towards you and lifted his arm. in a second, your eyes were covered by his hand.

“if you can’t look at me, then don’t.”

your heart swelled at his gesture. ranpo’s free hand held your shoulder, his body close to yours. it was odd, really. the one that caused you to be nervous was also the reason you were able to calm down.

“ranpo, i… i love you.”

a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders when you confessed to him. though he didn’t respond yet, you knew the relief was short-lived. you were afraid of what was going to come next.

“y/n… i can’t return those feelings.” and there it was. “you’re a good colleague, a good friend, but that’s all you are to me.”

“yeah,” you took the hand that covered your eyes and slowly dropped it to your sides, “i guessed so. i don’t think you would fall for someone like me in such time.”

defeat was etched into your features. you expected it, of course you did, but hearing the words hurt deeper than you thought. you turned your head away from him. you swallowed back any incoming tears you felt coming your way.

“ah, well i hope you at least know that spending time with you made me happy.”

you sent him another glance before you attempted to rush away. you were going to go back inside to the party of people if it weren’t for ranpo’s hand catching your arm.

“you have something else to say.”

“no i don’t,” you denied.

his grip loosened, “you do.”

“i…” your lips parted as you couldn’t help but admit, “ it’s just… it’s twisted in a way. i never stood a chance the moment i realized i fell for you. i know that now, i do. your confident smile, your boisterous laugh— i love it. i love you, ranpo, and that’s why this is a losing game. you can’t return the love i have for you, and i can’t ask you to.”

ranpo watched as your eyes began to glisten beneath the moonlight. and when those tears finally began to spill, you were quick to wipe them away. it was stupid, you thought. you didn’t want to cry in front of him, yet your tears kept coming.

as you cried, ranpo gently pushed your head to his chest. you gripped the ends of his suit jacket as you quietly sobbed, pushing your head further into his clothing.

people always yearn for something that isn’t good for them. and for you, it was a love that could never be returned in full.

note: COLEE!! thank you sm for the request <33 i hope this had crushed your heart in some sorta way :o (i actually think this angst isn’t really that heavy but yeah..) and hopefully ppl were tagged in this, on my end my tags are being weird

reblogs are appreciated + join my taglist !

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[frommike]

I am glad that Will is recognized as a potential romantic partner for Mike by the cast. Him being gay doesn't automatically shut down the potential of a happy romantic storyline, and it's treated as a serious possibility by the cast, at least as they're unaware of where it will go. We're not crazy for believing it can go somewhere.

That being said, it still feels unfair to have a chance if it doesn't amount to anything. If it's a queer story about coming to grips with unrequited love, treat it like that. His "love for Mike" doesn't need to be referred to directly by cast, take center stage in his storyline, to display his queerness. He's been treated as a freak his whole life, and he has to deal with the intense pain of realizing that his bullies were right all along, but we don't even get to see that. We see yearning for Mike as the defining factor of his on-screen queerness. Sure, he's... "different." But Mike "makes [him] feel better for being different." With not a single reference outside of that to his queerness besides his yearning for Mike.

There's no satisfying payoff that comes from this besides his love ending up requited. He already has acceptance from Mike and his family. And if they wanted to allow him the chance to move on, Mike would have found out and rejected him by the end of season 4. There would easily be another option if they just centered his story around bullying instead, internal conflict, with visible reactions to homophobia in place of yearning. Or, god forbid, a positive take where he finds happiness in community, or even just more focus on the relationship between him and his brother, instead of yet again suffering. But they are dead set on keeping his love for Mike front and center. Whether for queerbaiting, relationship build-up, or some secret third thing. And now they have the clear set-up of a Chekhov's gun going into season 5 byler, the painting.

Crazy concept, they could even keep the storyline where they bring Mike and Will back together after they pull apart, but make it abundantly clear that Will just used to have a crush on him in the past. He just wants to rekindle that friendship, and he is reasonable in his reaction to nearly losing a friend of 10 years. If Mike acted normal, all it would be is about friendship. Mike's reactions made it come off as romantic. I like to believe there's some tangible reason in-universe for his character to do this, but for the sake of brevity and respect to the topic of this post, let's say he's just being used as a convenient outlet to hint Will's feelings to the audience. If not, the "easy fix" to make it just about friendship becomes a lot more complicated.

Another problem, his story very much cannot be about coming to grips with something he already believes. Will is abundantly aware that his love for Mike will amount to nothing. If he had any smidgeon of hope left, it was stamped out right before he destroyed Castle Byers. Repetition of this storyline is unimaginably cruel, especially if the way they keep it alive is by continually giving Will the tiniest sparks of hope. And the payoff for continuing to drag him along leads to... fixing his crush's relationship that he somehow couldn't fix on his own? Because it was absolutely necessary to bring doubt into Mike's love for El, for some reason.

Look, I find it hard to mark this off as ignorance. Of course Mike had a problem saying the word "love" pre-season 4, the underlying issue should have been resolved when he did say it and El responded. Now they both believe they love each other. Why are we regressing in the same season that Will's feelings become apparent? And pairing up Mike and Will to get through that with each other?

Why is it impossible for Mike to display his feelings without the word in a way the audience can grasp, even without El realizing? Instead, we get him being unnecessarily passive aggressive to her, deflecting, acting like she's crazy for bringing up this problem in their fight. Why does an explanation come up so late in the season, and suddenly we have to believe it was El making Mike feel unloved? Why is Will the one to catch that and aid Mike's insecurities such that he can finally say he loves El? And then repeating the same issue where they once again cannot say it to each other without some blockade stopping from a response, as a supposed resolution.

Just make it explicit if you won't carry out on the potential of byler. I know there are people who claim that "it's obvious who ends up together!!" And "it's just delusion" to believe that they'll get together but look at the way the amount of people in the byler fandom skyrocketed after season 4. Look at the amount of people that are sick of Mike and El after season 4. Look at the parallels of platonic vs romantic relationships compared to them. Because in film, the atmosphere resembling something else has a meaning. There are methods of making a scene evoke a specific feeling, and scenes that are meant to evoke the same feeling will be set up similarly. And look at the amount of people claiming Finn's acting fell off because actually, you can just look at his scenes with Will vs El and say maybe it's not just Finn's acting. The rest of the departments were apparently slacking off too. The producers spliced together the worst scenes to showcase his feelings with El, music department and editing didn't give a shit. And, look at the vagueness of answers by cast members who are questioned about it.

If it was obvious that Mike and Will wouldn't end up together, the cast would say it. That's not a spoiler, it's just a reaffirmation of what we see in the show. That's what they do when it's brought up that people ship Will and El. The cast's reactions to the question of Mike requiting Will's love are kind of awkward, though. It's always "idk, we'll have to see." If it was obvious, they would know enough to be able to just shut that down.

The only benefit that comes from misrepresenting Will's story is profit. By keeping the outcome vague, they now have a million people rooting for the side of Mike and Will, who make fan content and theorize and keep discussion open about the show, and bring in new people to watch it, probably expecting queer content from both sides. They're very much aware of this group of fans, and the brothers shutting down discussion to say just once, "No, that's not the intention. The point is Will grappling with his sexuality and unrequited love," would be so easy. One singular time. Actor input on the show can mean literally nothing, especially when it doesn't even come from serious discussion, just in panels as a response to 1 line of questioning, and isn't portrayed as serious from said actor anyways. And from people who have already lied/misdirected the audience on storylines(whether they were aware or not).

And the discussion of queerness in the show has been pretty eloquent until now. There is a clear respect in every other aspect, the only gay jokes that exist, exist to startle a homophobe(the scene with Jason and Erica), or other possible "jokes" have no mean spirit attached(potential coding via queer references or Hopper's attempts to sus out if Will's disappearance was a hate crime). Robin is allowed to express her sexuality only because she accidentally found someone who now knows and accepts her, while Will is a product of his environment as someone who visibly fit queer stereotypes and was bullied for it. The vagueness of his conversation with Jonathan is a sign of acceptance, but not enough for him to be explicit with his sexuality, just in case he did read it wrong. It's realistic.

Homophobes get shat on constantly. Lonnie and Billy are visibly terrible people that get no respect, Billy's possibility of "redemption" from season 3 being overshadowed come season 4, with Max's survivor's guilt where it is acknowledged that he was still just an asshole. Troy pisses himself, gets a broken arm, then moves the fuck out of Hawkins. Steve gets his shit knocked by Jonathan, finds good in himself and deserves nothing until he stumbles upon the realization he was fucked up for that. Jason gets cut in half. I can't name a single person that has been explicitly homophobic and is still in Hawkins by now.

Finding another gay person is not out of the realm of possibility, see: Robin and Vickie. It is not unrealistic to have requited love as a gay person in the 80s, just low probability. Just like all the other unconventional love stories in the show.

The possibility of them executing the story like this for money from exploiting queer people is unbelievably stupid. If they had plans for these characters, were they inconsequential enough to disregard completely in favor of potentially getting just a little more money out of the audience that feel like outcasts? Or did they have no clue what else to do with them? If Will's sexuality arc continues into season 5, and he doesn't end up with Mike, it ends the same way as season 4 and would then be taking up unnecessary time. If it discontinues, what is the point of his season 4 arc?

If the point is money, they invested in the wrong thing. Derailing the character arcs for that is just a genuinely stupid decision. Even more so in the penultimate season, which should be getting everything in place for the finale. Cali arc doesn't even offer anything to the main Hawkins storyline, unless season 5 continues off of the groundwork that was built in s4.

In the end, it's just sad to me that if Will's love for Mike ends up disregarded, we'll always be seen as delusional for having believed in a chance, by everyone else in the fandom. I don't care to prove anyone wrong that believes Mike and Eleven will stay together, and I don't care too much if they do. It just enrages me that seeing the possibility of a happy ending for a queer guy in mainstream media is disregarded as delusion. The possibility. Bad writing is actively a preferred explanation over a setup for a queer romance. The trope in writing where the character that always suffers finally gets what they want, cannot possibly apply to the gay character. Realism only applies to unrequited gay love with a friend of 10 years, but not the fairytale-esque straight love story where the claim is that they fell in love at first sight, who stay together despite feeling terrible in their relationship, that has been seen as problematic by multiple other characters on the show. With the character whose mother and sister already made similar mistakes in "falling in love" too young, and a girl who had no experience with life outside of a lab at the time of meeting. But Mike could never be in love with Will, because he's not gay.

[issa-wasteland]

Lisa Frankenstein 🧟‍♂️💖

I truly love Lisa Frankenstein for many reasons. From Taffy actually making the effort to include Lisa in the their family and her social group despite being the popular cheerleader. We don't see that much in movies as it is refreshing to see that in a character who wants to be more than what social role she fits into and caring for her step-sister. As for the step-mom, Janet was the one who needed help and took every opportunity to blame Lisa for anything. She most definitely projected the "wanting attention" onto Lisa cause she brings it up almost every conversation as you can see she does her little theatrics in front of Dale and Dale gives her that attention and less for Lisa.

*I found it ironic how the creature was wearing a shirt that says "Violent Femmes" on it as they chuck out a worm in Janet's bowl then murdered Janet with a sewing machine, and stole her ear.

*Most of the boys and men in this movie suck and perverted. From Dale being a negligent father to Lisa but supportive of Taffy, Lisa's boss is a weird perv who commented on her "flat chest," Doug being the "Nice guy" who's downright terrible and could've SA'd Lisa, That bigot old man who started a fight with the creature, and Michael Trent who is a loser.

*The outfits in this movie was so fitting for the time that it takes place in. It doesn't feel forced (?) If that makes sense whenever a movie or tv show takes place in the 80s.

*I wonder if Lisa ever re-drew that lighting on her hand cause she has it on her hand throughout the movie. And, if Lisa continues to raid Taffy's closet for clothes then it's correct to assume she also lends Taffy's clothes to the creature?? The pj's Lisa wore were cute especially the cowboy one.

*Lisa gets on the creature for murder and how the car they were in is probably tracked yet hardly cover up the blood stain on the carpet?? Plus she's so aware of knowing the things they did is wrong but not entirely sorry for it.

*Her speech to Michael totally made sense cause I'm sure people knew a guy who is exactly what Lisa was talkin about and that does make them a loser.

*I love how the creature wasted no time to cut off some peen as they turned up the music, slashed, and collected what was needed before going on their merry way.

* Also the creature is most definitely trans and Lisa was very understanding to tell them that pretty much peen is not the only way to feel satisfied during sex 🏳️‍⚧️

*Cole sprouse really nails on showing the creature yearning for Lisa especially when they're back at the cemetery.

*Hand kisses 💋 💖💖👌 as the sex scene  surprisingly doesn't feel cringe or uncomfortable to watch like some intimate scenes in movies.

*Using a tanning bed as a way to bring life into the creature is an interesting concept as does a reverse and "kills" Lisa. Plus she just has bad luck with electricity, the girl gets shocked using the "back massager."

This movie was just overall fun to watch 💋

[lahooozaherr]

What Was I Made For?

Part 2

Please note: This blog stands with Palestine. If you are interacting with my account and TLOU related posts, I ask that you PLEASE visit these links. Be critical and mindful while partaking in TLOU content and be aware that creator Neil Druckmann is a Zionist.

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: FLUFFY FLUFF, Joel is very soft and deserves softness, slight angst if you squint?, yearning, “first date jitters”, a smooch!! Honestly that’s kind of it, nothing wild happens in this. As always, let me know if I missed something 🫶🏻

MY WORKS ARE 18+ MINORS DNI. AGELESS/BLANK ACCOUNTS WILL BE BLOCKED.

Chapter Summary: Since your recovery, you’ve settle into town and your routine nicely. Tommy sets you up with a job at the stables caring for the horses after their morning patrol, where you regularly see Joel. The two of you spend a lot of time together and Ellie has noticed. Joel asks if you’ve ever ridden a horse before, and upon discovering you haven’t, asks you take you on a horseback ride.

A/N: I had to rewrite parts of this, sit and contemplate, daydream, etc until I was finally somewhat satisfied with what I wanted to do in this chapter. So if it’s seems kinda clunky I apologize lol. I’m planning to make this a three parter so we’ll get to the fun in the next part! I can’t make promises on when since a lot of my writing is very dependent on my mood and how creative I feel. But I’ve also started my Death Worker apprenticeship and it gives me enough homework to space out for the month, so I have to keep balance! I hope yall enjoy this little installment. It’s a special little project for me, I just want Joel to be happy and to have someone that brings out his ability and need to process his grief.

Joel Vibes Playlist

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | AO3 | My Taglist

Joel continued to visit you as you recovered, bringing you some of your meals and discussing the books you shared interest in. Sometimes you’d share moments of vulnerability with him when you spoke of your past, and he’d do the same. He was guarded over some parts, but you understood. It can be terrifying to share that much about oneself.

You offered him a kind of softness and compassion he hadn’t come across in a very long time. That’s not to say he hadn’t, Tess was compassionate in her own ways, albeit her tough exterior, and he had immense respect for that.

He wasn’t used to it and at times he’d find himself questioning if he’s too harsh around the edges. But you never withdrew from him, you welcomed him with a warm smile everyday. You displayed a genuine interest in his company, it had become a comfort for you. Inadvertently, it had become a comfort for him as well. A balm for his aches that he didn’t know he needed.

Ellie had started to notice the times he had been absent, usually after his morning patrol.

“I haven’t seen a lot of you lately,” Ellie noted as she takes another bite into her breakfast. Joel leans against the counter with his coffee mug and takes a sip before replying, “when I’m not doing patrol I’ve been checking on that woman I told you ‘bout.”

“Oh?” Ellie’s face brightens, the corners of her lips turning upward into a mischievous grin. “You got a girlfriend now, old man?”

Joel shoots a glare back at her, “no.” It doesn’t deter her and she smirks, “if you have to deny it like that then she probably is.” He releases an exasperated huff before taking another sip from his mug, “I’ve just been checkin’ on her. That’s all.”

“Whatever you say,” Ellie stands from her place at the table and walks to the sink beside him to deposit her dishes. Joel gives her shoulder a pat and squeezes with his free hand, she returns the gesture by placing her hand on his and squeezing back.

She heads for the door and turns back to him as she opens it and calls out, “it’d probably do you some good!” Shooting him finger guns as she backs out, he rolls his eyes.

Eventually, you’d meet her and her unending curiosity. Ellie wanted to figure out what drew Joel to you. Eating meals with her and Joel was refreshing, allowing you that feeling of belonging in this world again. Ellie was a firecracker with the mouth of a sailor and you grew to adore her all the same. She enjoyed your company and sensitivity towards her and her interests.

Your recovery was swift, you were in good hands with the town’s doctor. Upon the day she cleared you with a clean bill of health, Joel’s brother Tommy and his wife Maria helped set you up in one of the houses in town. The house was currently being used by a few other unrelated individuals, basically creating a roommate situation. You didn’t mind at all, you were immensely grateful. This was far better than your situation back in your previous QZ.

They took time to show you around town, showing you where everyone meets up to eat in town. Various “shops” in town, trading was “currency” of course. They helped you aquire you some new clothes and essentials

Tommy suggested bringing you on to work in the stables in the mornings, helping care for the horses when they returned from that shift of patrol. After getting to know you and what he’d been told by Joel, he felt that your delicate touch was just what was needed to care for the horses. He also knew how therapeutic it could be to be with them.

His suggestion was met by an immediate ‘yes’ by you. You were mostly excited to start doing your part. You had never worked with horses before but you were sure you’d get a hang of it in due time.

Horses are gentle creatures, you remember hearing of forms of therapy done alongside them from the days before. You could see why, they were calm for the most part. You had slightly worried about being intimidated by them but that subsided when you were introduced to them.

The stable-hands you worked alongside were thorough and patient when they trained you. Teaching you how to feed, brush and even untack the horses upon their returns. You got along with them quickly and with ease. It had been too long since you’d been able to give love and care to an animal.

Being in this position also meant seeing Joel very regularly. Whether that was on purpose by Tommy or not, you weren’t sure. But you didn’t mind, you treasured your bond you’d created with him in such a short amount of time. It had also been too long since you felt connected to another human being.

When he’d return from patrol, you’d welcome him back as you helped him remove the saddle from his horse, Old Beardy, a beautiful and well mannered horse. He’d stick around to chat about what he’d seen that morning as he helped brush his coat as you fed him. When the horse would nicker at you and nudge you with his snout, you’d return the gesture with affectionate scratches and cooing.

Joel would watch you in admiration, an old and almost unfamiliar feeling that had been simmering under the service had started to take root. Everyday it sprouts new leaves and blossoms. Although it was undeniable, he’d been afraid to name it. A while ago he had told himself he can’t let “someone like himself”, rough edges and all, dim your light. He had only recently begun to explore what it meant to be a father again, he wasn’t sure if he was fit to re-explore having something more with you.

He was scared that he would hurt whatever he touched. That he would fail to protect, again.

You, on the other hand, are aware of the crush you’ve been harboring. Although there was that little, nagging voice in your head that would ask how someone as independent and strong as Joel could have those kinds of feelings for you.

You’d sometimes catch the way he looks at you when you’re focused on your work in the stables. Or the warmth he regards you with compared to others. You weren’t sure if he returned your feelings exactly, but you’d caught on to small gestures of his.

It was hard to deny the way your heart sped up in your chest when you’d greet him in the mornings. How it felt to have his eyes on you, his undivided attention. Sometimes guiding you by the small of your back when he walked with you through town, on the way back from the stables or your meals.

But how does one court another in an apocalypse?

—————————————————————————

“Mornin’, Joel,” you turn to see Joel returning Beardy to his stall, back from his morning shift.

He returns your greeting with nod and a smile as he begins to remove the horse's saddle, “Mornin’ sweetheart.”

You turn back to your task of cleaning your brush, hiding how you fight back against a grin that twists your lips and the warmth spreading across your cheeks.

You finish up and join Joel at his side, handing him a brush. He takes it from your hand, brushing his against yours in the process. Beardy turns his head towards you and bumps his nose against your arm, he knows what time it is. With a loving roll of your eyes, you remove an apple from the apron you wore, “Yeah yeah boy, I’ve got you, don’t worry.”

Joel truly admires the way you interact with the horses. You move around them with confidence and intention, he’s pleased to see his idea of suggesting this job for you to Tommy seemed to really suit you. You’ve really come out of your shell since your recovery. You were very thoughtful and attentive to the horses you worked with daily.

“I haven’t thought to ask ‘til just now,” Joel begins as he works to brush the horse's shoulder. “Have you ever ridden one?”

You snicker, “ironically, no. I’ve somehow come this far in life without the privilege.”

Joel is almost surprised, people are typically kind of afraid of the animal at first. You acted as if you’d always been around them.

Joel fights to look neutral as he offers, “I could….take you on a ride…”

He pauses and you glance at each other quickly as he almost nervously adds, “I mean, if you want.” To not seem overly dependent on your answer, he gives an indifferent shrug, but the smile behind his gesture betrays him.

With an excited sparkle in your eye, you perk up and smile, “Really? When?” You never shy away from showing your emotions or how eager you are. He also appreciates that about you, it’s helped provide some kind of a balance in his life. Regular connection with someone in touch with their emotions he finds safety and refuge in. “Emotion” is something he just only shows to a select few.

“How about this next day off?”

“You mean it?”

“When have I ever not meant what I said, sweetheart?” He flashes a smug grin and you shake your head with a chuckle.

“That’s very true. In that case, I’d love to.”

Joel finishes his brushing and sets the tool aside on a hook, “Alright, I’ll be at your house first thing in the morning? Before sunrise, I think you’d like seein’ that.”

You remove your apron and hang it, adjusting your coat as you do. You walk up to him and state, “It’s a date.”

He’s caught off guard and slightly frowns, not in disagreement but having trouble processing what you just said. A date.

You frown back and a sinking feeling almost lands in your abdomen, then his lips curve into a smile. A warm, humored one.

“It’s a date.”

Relief washes over you in the form of a big grin you can’t seem to fight off anymore, biting your bottom lip. He tosses you a wink before turning to leave the stables.

—————————————————————————

Maybe calling it a date wasn’t such a good idea, because it’s added much more pressure than you’d originally intended. You don’t date in this kind of world, do you?

You’ve spent a good 30 minutes bouncing back and forth between outfit choices, the very few you own. Pieces that are more about durability and appropriate for weather and not so much…attractiveness. But you wanted to at least try.

One of your roommates, Lisa, passes by your door on the way back from the bathroom you share, noticing you fidgeting at your outfit.

“You’re up early,” she takes notice, she herself is getting ready for her own morning shift. It’s your day off and unusually early for you to be up and about.

Her voice startles you and you turn to greet her, “Morning, Lisa.”

“Morning! You got something goin’ on today?”

“Yes, uh…” you become flustered as heat threatens to take over your face. “I’m going on a horseback ride with Joel.”

Her face lights up, “are you finally going on a date with grumpy Joel?”

“You really shouldn’t call him that. And yes? No? Maybe? What do you mean ‘finally’?”

She smiles knowingly and folds her arms across her chest, “I don’t know, it’s not like you spend most of your free time with him. On top of time you get to see him when you’re working.”

“Is that….bad?”

“Not at all, girl. I just think it’s about damn time.”

You blow a raspberry at her and chuckle as you make final touches on your outfit, she mimics you and taps your shoulder with the knuckles of her fist, “you look good, stop worrying.”

—————————————————————————

Joel approaches the door to your home. He’s nervous, if he’s being honest with himself. He can’t remember the last time he’d even been on a date, even before the outbreak. He was way more invested in being a father and running his business.

He rubs his hands on his jeans, palms slightly sweaty. He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and knocks on the door. You open it shortly after, whispering to him a “good morning” before quietly exiting and closing the door behind you. He echoes the greeting in a similar tone of voice, being mindful of your roommates you share the home with.

When you smile it makes his stomach turn over, a weird dance between anxiety and peace plays inside of him. He feels so out of practice, but something about your energy helps ease those worries and grounds him.

The walk to the stables is quiet, something he chalks up to it being so early for the two of you on your mutual day off. But really, his mind is also racing, so it’s just a convenient excuse for him to gather himself on the way there.

When the two of you have Old Beardy prepared and ready, he looks to you, “you ready?”

A glimmer of joy is in your eyes, “absolutely!”

“Alright, let me help you up.”

“Oh, right,” you say hesitatingly, looking over the horse and saddle wondering how this will work. A chuckle rumbles in his chest before he kneels beside you, holding out his hands laced together.

“I’ll lift you up. Just step here and swing your leg over.”

He can still sense your hesitancy and offers you more reassurance, “don’t worry, I’ve got ya. I won’t let you fall.”

You trust him implicitly, you have ever since you’ve built your relationship with him. So without fear, you move as he instructs. When you successfully land on the saddle, you let out a squeak in triumph.

Joel pats your leg as he stands back up. “Atta girl,” he remarks in his southern-drawl.

That embarrassing heat begins to crawl back up your spine. What did he just say? But you love it, can he say it again please?

Joel lifts himself up and settles right behind you in the saddle, caging you in his arms. His broad chest against your back is warm and all encompassing. You haven’t been this physically close to him since he rescued you. It’s electrifying, a feeling you crave more of.

Joel has similar feelings about this, but stays professional. He has to. This isn’t that kind of date, or so he tells himself.

Beardy begins to trot in response to Joel’s whistle and commanding movements. You gasp in amazement and laugh, Joel can’t help but smile to himself as he listens to your small reactions.

Soon, the two of you’re out the gate. The sky is still somewhat dark, but a light in the distance signals that sunrise is on its way. Joel has the perfect spot in mind.

“How’re you doin’, sweetheart?”

“I’m great, this is so fun,” you respond joyously. His laugh in response is deep and rich as he signals the horse to speed up just a little bit.

The surrounding area is quiet, save for sounds of crunching snow under Beardy’s hooves and Joel’s breathing. You debate if you should break it and say anything, but you can’t seem to come up with anything. You don’t really want to. It’s so peaceful, it’s just perfect. If it’s like this every morning, you almost wish you could join him on his patrol.

“Oh, hold very still,” Joel’s voice drops an octave as he lowers his lips next to your ear to murmur, lightly brushing, and it sends shivers down your spine. You hope he doesn’t notice. “Look.”

You look around and see a family of deer, a Doe and her two babies. They don’t notice the two of you, Joel had stopped to a standstill just a few yards from them. The scene is serene and makes your heart swell. It’s amazing how life goes on in the wild despite the outbreak. If anything, it has thrived even more so.

“Beautiful,” you’re careful to whisper so you don’t disturb the moment.

He’s caught himself watching you again, instead of the deer family. It feels like witnessing the world again, through your eyes. You hold an appreciation for the small things that he’s taken for granted before.

Joel nudges Beardy and turns his reins to walk beside carefully, avoiding the small family. They go on eating, undisturbed.

“It’s just right up here,” he states. After a few turns, he brings you to a small hilltop. The sun is just starting to rise as you arrive and Joel gives himself a mental pat on the back for his perfect timing.

“Oh, Joel….” You trail off, the view of the sunrise and landscape leaves you speechless as you take it all in. The snow before you is untouched and smooth. It sparkles in the growing light of the sun rising over the mountains. The sky itself looks like a beautiful painting with purple bleeding into red, pink and orange hues.

“This is…this is breathtaking, I don’t know how else to say it,” you profess to him.

“I know, it makes you just stop, doesn’t it?”

Almost instinctively, you lean back into Joel’s chest and relax. You feel him freeze and almost regret your action until you feel him quickly settle that fear, feeling his chest press against your back in return. You wish you could tell him his embrace makes you feel the safest you ever have.

The tranquility of the moment lingers on until you speak, “thank you, Joel.”

“You don’t have to thank me for this.”

“I mean, for everything. You’ve been so kind and welcoming to me since I came here. You saved me.”

You turn your upper body to face him, he looks back into your eyes with his deep brown irises. Suddenly, you could slice the tension in the air with a knife.

“Thank YOU, also,” his lips purse.

“Me? For what?”

“For helping remind me why I’m here. Why I’m STILL here.”

“Oh gosh, you didn’t need me for that…” you begin to turn your head away until suddenly, his large palm cups your opposite cheek and brings you back to face him.

Your breath hitches in your chest when your eyes meet his. Joel’s eyes are dark and formidable, but you’ve found the hints of compassion and warmth in them recently. This time is no exception, chocolate eyes conveying how genuine he is. He always means what he says.

The initial shock of him maneuvering you to face him subsides quickly, as if it’s natural of him to do this. He wonders if he’s being too forward when you nuzzle your cheek into the palm of his hand. He lets out a quiet sigh of relief.

“That means the world to me,” emotion breaks through your voice, tears begin to break through at the corners of your closed eyes.

Joel wraps his arms around your shoulders and brings you close to him, placing a faint, soft press of his lips to the top of your head. Your quickened heartbeat threatens to expose you to him but you don’t seem to care, because maybe it’s time he knew.

Maybe it’s time he knew what he really means to you.

“Could we get down for a moment? I’d like to stretch my legs.”

“Hm? Sure thing,” Joel agrees. He jumps down from the horse and turns and reaches up to assist you. It seems the tables have turned from you using this moment to confess when he brings you down into his arms, encasing you in his embrace.

He doesn’t move and neither do you, as you search each other’s faces. Your lips part, you try to find the words you need but they’re as lost as you are in his eyes. You watch as his eyes dart down and back up to yours as the tip of his tongue quickly darts across his lips.

A fire is lit in his chest, one that he had assumed was gone for ages. It became an ember when he met you, and now it scorches as he holds you in his arms. He can’t find the words either, but he’s more of a man of action.

His face inches closer to yours and you take the cue and mimic him. When he sees this, he takes the plunge and closes the gap and gently, experimentally presses his lips onto yours.

With butterflies in your chest and a boost of confidence, you take advantage of the angle he has you in. Bring your arms up and wrap them around his neck to deepen the kiss.

His lips are as soft and pillowy as they look, a puff of air escapes his nose as he slowly molds his lips to yours. His aquiline nose pushes against yours, he feels like a puzzle piece made to connect to you. You can smell him, a mix of the smell of firewood, pine and a smell that's unique to him.

You feel one of his hands lift up to grip the back of your hold to himself steadily against you. It’s like he refuses to part and come up for air, continuing to take short breaths through his nose. But soon enough he’s forced to pull away, if ever so slightly.

It’s been too long since you’ve ever shared something so intimate with someone, and surely you’ll be addicted after this. Kissing Joel Miller is sensual and slow, right off the bat. You probably look drunk on his kiss but you don’t care, if your feelings weren’t obvious before they really were now.

“I, uh-I…” Joel stammers, blushed from the cold and being unused to speaking his feelings. You lean in and kiss him again, effectively shutting down his attempt to speak. When you part from him, you look into his eyes smiling as you exhale a breath.

His heart races in his chest and he doesn’t remember the last time it did this in response to something other than adrenaline or fear. He asks himself if you can read his mind when you place your hand over it. But really, you just wanted confirmation.

His smile in return is wide, showing his teeth and exhilarated as he does so. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him exude such happiness.

You cup the back of his head with both of your hands, gently nudging him towards you. You touch your forehead to his and close your eyes and he joins you.

“It’s ok Joel, I’ve got you.”

@nerdieforpedro @joeldjarin @orcasoul

Divider by @saradika-graphics

[popbloganddropit]

The Tortured Poets Department - Taylor Swift (Part 2)

9. Guilty as Sin? - you cheeky little minx, Taylor!!! I’m not sure she’s made me blush like this before! A song about…fantasizing outside of your relationship that sounds like the first day warm sun hits your skin after a long, cold winter. And I personally love a song with some good old fashioned yearning, so the bridge really takes it over the top for me. 5/5

Best Line: I really love a lot of lines here, but if “Drowning in the Blue Nile, he sent me ‘Downtown Lights’” is such a killer opener.

10. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?- this song is an insane, showstopping moment. Edgy, raging, biting, and even still a little witty - “So tell me everything is not about me. But what if it is?” WAOLOM strikes such a good balance of being self-aware of her image and faults with genuine anger. Being the biggest pop star doesn’t make everything just roll off your back. Perfect production that builds and escalates exactly as it needs to. 5/5

Best Line: “I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean. ‘Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth’”

11. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - I really like the pseudo-western vibe going on and that lower register is always welcome in my books, but lyrically this doesn’t do a lot for me. It’s building to a punchline we all know is coming. She can’t fix him, shocking, and there’s not enough for me to root for the protagonist being delusional. Ending with just, “Whoa, maybe I can’t” is funny, but it’s not satisfying. If a common complaint is that this album is too long, this song doesn’t feel essential, story-wise. 2.5/5

Best Line: I said all of that, but I do really like the second verse, the best part being, “His hand so calloused from his pistol/Softly traces hearts on my face”.

12. loml- I had a really hard time picking a best line for this song. I almost made a list but decided that would be a little obnoxious. There’s references to her other work expertly weaved in to really great wordplay and metaphors and imagery. The development of the story in the three times you hear the chorus is stunningly good. It’s a pretty simple piano in the background with additional vocal layers right where they are needed for emphasis. There’s something a little bit missing from this song for me to give it a full 5, but I can’t quite put my finger on it and I also think loml really is a grower that’s not meant to be gobbled down in one bite. There’s a lot of lyrical details to be noticed and anything additional might take away from that. I vote this song most likely to be my favorite in 6 months that I don’t understand how it took so long to fully click. 4.5/5

Best Line: I had to do two, from the very beginning and end, that echo each other so it’s kind of like I only picked one then, right??? “Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway?” —-> “Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. Your arson's match your somber eyes” Kill me (complimentary). The never before, never since turning into never before and ever since is also brilliant.

13. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - This song is great. There’s a long history of Miss Swift making bops tinged with depression and anxiety and this may be her most unhinged version yet. A celebration of putting on a brave face when you’re going through some shit. Chanted like a mantra she tells herself, we get a peek behind the curtain of reaching glittering professional peaks not seen in this generation while her personal life was crashing. But no one can ever say Taylor Swift is not a professional - I love the delivery on the outro where she laughs off being miserable and ends with a little spoken zinger. Try and come for her job, indeed. 5/5

Best Line: “I’m so depressed, I act like it’s my birthday everyday. I’m so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague,” tickles me so. This her comedy album. Inevitably going to go viral on Tik Tok at some point.

14. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - An absolutely killer bridge. It builds the drama up until the very end. Unfortunately, the verses could use a little stronger melody, the first half of the song is a little forgettable and feels a little clunky. 3/5

Best Line: “You kicked out the stage lights, but you’re still performing” is a close runner up but had to go with the opening of the bridge. “Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?” is such a perfect escalation and so descriptive of a feeling without saying any feeling words.

15. The Alchemy- I really enjoy some parts of this song but I unfortunately have the desire to hire someone to dub over every single football reference so I can fully get into it. It’s too much, it’s too on the nose. I like the verses, I love the way she says, “I haven’t come around in so long,” and I think “who are we to fight the alchemy?” is a great line. There are just parts that feel like football Mad Libs in a way that makes this song pretty unlistenable to me. 1/5

Best Line: “This happens once every few lifetimes. These chemicals hit me like white wine”

16. Clara Bow - She’s known for writing about relationships and that has let the fact that songs about her relationship with fame are consistently top tier (despite being unrelatable to almost anyone since she is the most famous person on the planet) slip by mostly unnoticed. One of my favorite Taylor tricks is when she alters the lines a bit each go-round and/or flips the script in some way in the final chorus and this song is really an excellent combination of some of the best Taylor moves. I’m not going to pretend have known who Clara Bow was before this record, but it works and I don’t mind an album that makes me do a little Googling to understand some things. The Stevie Nicks reference is perfection. Saying her own name in a song really snaps you to attention. And I think this is a perfect album closer. She’s reckoning just as much with her own desire for notoriety and the consequences that go along with it as she is with former lovers, if you’re listening. 5/5

Best Line: “Crowd goes wild at her fingertip. Half moonshine, a full eclipse.” I’m not even sure I should include the first part. “Half moonshine, full eclipse” is one of my favorite things she’s ever written. (Side note as this is the most appropriate place to put it: the fucking personal poem from Stevie in the liner notes??? Stevie being a loud YOYO,K stan??? I weep at the coolness. Which is the opposite of cool and continuing to comment on it is even worse, sorry!)

Part 3 on the way!!!

[star122234]

YANDERE TYPES

THE BLACK PHONE

Finney Blake

COLINGY- They are rarely found far from the object of their affection. They are usually more childlike and relaxed than other yanderes as they trust their darling. This confidence often stems from a close platonic or romantic relationship. However, they don't trust others and this can lead to intense jealousy; especially if they feel that someone is trying to replace them. It is usually jealousy and insecurity that drive these yanderes to break down.

Types: sutookaa gata, ison gata, sokubaku gata, suuhai gata

stalker type, dependency type, restriction type, worry type

sutookaa gata stalker type

"You will never be alone. I won't let anything happen to you"

The stalker type will follow their love interest, often without their knowledge, to make sure they are safe and well behaved. They are constantly aware of what the object of their affection is up to and will often go so far as to exploit whatever technology or planner they may have. Sometimes they may feel the need to deepen their observation by following them from sunrise to sunset or setting up cameras in their loved ones' homes. They tend to focus too much on their love interest and can sometimes lose control of their emotions when it comes to disconnecting from them in any way, shape or amount.

ison babe dependence type

“I couldn't live without you. Promise you won't leave me"

The dependency type cannot function without your love interest. They are unable to live without their darling's motivation and will beg you not to leave or throw it away. It is not uncommon for them to succumb to bouts of jealousy or anxiety when they feel they are losing interest in their sweetheart. They prefer to keep the object of their affection away from the outside world. As long as they promise to stay with them forever, there's nothing to worry about.

sokubaku gata restraint type

“Why would you want to leave? You have everything you need here"

The restraining type will stop at nothing to make sure your love interest is on your side. If the two are not inseparable, the yandere cannot feel satisfied. They yearn for the object of their affection to desire them and are willing to put in as much time and effort as possible to obtain it. It's not uncommon for them to resort to gaslighting and kidnapping their darling to make sure they depend on them for everything.

suuhai babe worship type

“Would you love me more if I killed someone for you?”

The worshipful type will do anything for their love interest whether they ask for it or not. They don't care if their love is unrequited nor are they concerned about your well-being, all that matters is the object of their affection. There is no end to their loyalty as they are willing to cheat, lie, kill and die for their sweetheart. Worship yanderes are the least harmful to their darling, but this does not extend to themselves or others. If the worshiping type is experiencing any form of jealousy, they may end up lashing out at others and begging forgiveness from their loved ones as they believe they are not worthy of them.

shuuchaku gata obsession type

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer my calls?"

The obsessive type will try to absorb everything about their love interest, be it personal information, hobbies, routines or beliefs. They are constantly thirsty for more of their darling and consistently need to know what their love interest is up to. They regularly check the object of their affection and prefer to be by your side all the time (if possible, without frightening your darling). They don't necessarily want to monopolize their love interest, but they do want to know everything they do.

Robin Arellano

OVERPROTECTORS - These yanderes often approach the object of their affection before their dangerous tendencies reveal themselves. It is not uncommon for them not to perceive their actions as yandere behavior because they believe they are being protective. They prefer their love interest to be dependent on them and may refuse to allow them to leave their side under the guise of the yandere that keeps them safe. If they feel their love interest will be harmed in any way, they will cross the line and become more than just overprotective.

Types: dokusen gata, sutookaa gata, shuuchaku gata, sokubaku gata

monopoly type, stalker type, obsession type, restriction type

dokusen gata monopoly type

"Who was that you were talking to?"

The Monopoly type wants to completely dictate who their love interest interacts with and how they can interact with them. They are constantly asking questions and refuse to budge unless they are completely up to date on their sweetheart. It is not uncommon for them to bribe the object of their affection by appealing to their logical or emotional viewpoints - whatever is necessary to keep their darling from straying. At the height of their monopoly, the love interest will be held in a specific location with their days completely planned out for them whether they like it or not.

sutookaa gata stalker type

"You will never be alone. I won't let anything happen to you"

The stalker type will follow their love interest, often without their knowledge, to make sure they are safe and well behaved. They are constantly aware of what the object of their affection is up to and will often go so far as to exploit whatever technology or planner they may have. Sometimes they may feel the need to deepen their observation by following them from sunrise to sunset or setting up cameras in their loved ones' homes. They tend to focus too much on their love interest and can sometimes lose control of their emotions when it comes to disconnecting from them in any way, shape or amount.

shuuchaku gata obsession type

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer my calls?"

The obsessive type will try to absorb everything about their love interest, be it personal information, hobbies, routines or beliefs. They are constantly thirsty for more of their darling and consistently need to know what their love interest is up to. They regularly check the object of their affection and prefer to be by your side all the time (if possible, without frightening your darling). They don't necessarily want to monopolize their love interest, but they do want to know everything they do.

sokubaku gata restraint type

“Why would you want to leave? You have everything you need here."

The restraining type will stop at nothing to make sure your love interest is on your side. If the two are not inseparable, the yandere cannot feel satisfied. They yearn for the object of their affection to desire them and are willing to put in as much time and effort as possible to obtain it. It's not uncommon for them to resort to gaslighting and kidnapping their darling to make sure they depend on them for everything.

Vance Hopper

OVERPROTECTORS - These yanderes often approach the object of their affection before their dangerous tendencies reveal themselves. It is not uncommon for them not to perceive their actions as yandere behavior because they believe they are being protective. They prefer their love interest to be dependent on them and may refuse to allow them to leave their side under the guise of the yandere that keeps them safe. If they feel their love interest will be harmed in any way, they will cross the line and become more than just overprotective.

Type: sutookaa gata, sokubaku gata, shuuchaku gata, haijo gata, koritsu yuudou gata, dokusen gata

stalker type,restraint type,obsession type,removal type,loneliness induction type,monopoly type

sutookaa gata stalker type

"You will never be alone. I won't let anything happen to you."

The stalker type will follow their love interest, often without their knowledge, to make sure they are safe and well behaved. They are constantly aware of what the object of their affection is up to and will often go so far as to exploit whatever technology or planner they may have. Sometimes they may feel the need to deepen their observation by following them from sunrise to sunset or setting up cameras in their loved ones' homes. They tend to focus too much on their love interest and can sometimes lose control of their emotions when it comes to disconnecting from them in any way, shape or amount.

sokubaku gata restraint type

“Why would you want to leave? You have everything you need here."

The restraining type will stop at nothing to make sure your love interest is on your side. If the two are not inseparable, the yandere cannot feel satisfied. They yearn for the object of their affection to desire them and are willing to put in as much time and effort as possible to obtain it. It's not uncommon for them to resort to gaslighting and kidnapping their darling to make sure they depend on them for everything.

shuuchaku gata obsession type

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer my calls?"

The obsessive type will try to absorb everything about their love interest, be it personal information, hobbies, routines or beliefs. They are constantly thirsty for more of their darling and consistently need to know what their love interest is up to. They regularly check the object of their affection and prefer to be by your side all the time (if possible, without frightening your darling). They don't necessarily want to monopolize their love interest, but they do want to know everything they do.

haijo gata removal type

"No one will love you more than me."

The remove type will remove everyone they believe their love interest doesn't need in their lives. While the severity of the removal can vary, there is no limit as to what they will do to achieve their goal. In most cases, there are two subtypes of removal yanderes. Those who secretly remove people in an attempt to keep their loved ones blissfully unaware of their true intentions have been known to light up their love interest to see the best in others' disappearance. Others remove people openly and, sometimes as a punishment to prevent your darling from misbehaving. They face little to no qualms about going to extreme lengths to get what they want - and keeping the object of their affection safe, of course.

koritsu yuudou gata loneliness induction type

"Shh, I'm here. You don't need anyone else, you have me."

The loneliness-inducing type will do anything to make sure their love interest feels lonely. They may do this by spreading malicious rumors about them to incite others to alienate them or sever their other connections through blackmail, murder, and other extreme actions. The moment it seems like your darling is losing their minds, they will pounce on your fragile mindset and become your lifeline. Inducing things that don't make your sweetheart feel lonely but cause some sort of mental damage, trauma is not out of character for these yanderes.

dokusen gata monopoly type

"Who was that you were talking to?"

The Monopoly type wants to completely dictate who their love interest interacts with and how they can interact with them. They are constantly asking questions and refuse to budge unless they are completely up to date on their sweetheart. It is not uncommon for them to bribe the object of their affection by appealing to their logical or emotional viewpoints - whatever is necessary to keep their darling from straying. At the height of their monopoly, the love interest will be held in a specific location with their days completely planned out for them whether they like it or not.

Bruce Yamada

COLINGY- They are rarely found far from the object of their affection. They are usually more childlike and relaxed than other yanderes as they trust their darling. This confidence often stems from a close platonic or romantic relationship. However, they don't trust others and this can lead to intense jealousy; especially if they feel that someone is trying to replace them. It is usually jealousy and insecurity that drive these yanderes to break down.

Types:mousou gata,ison gata,haijo gata,shuuchaku gata,sutookaa gata

dulsion type, dependency type, removal type, obsession type, stalker type

mousou cat dulsion type

"Why are you fighting? You've already admitted that you're in love with me"

The delusional type is unable to be dissuaded from the object of their affection. Not only do they rationalize every negative response from their sweetheart, but their love distorts how they perceive reality. If their love is unrequited, they believe it is due to those around them and will attack those they hold responsible. These yanderes are very protective and don't take threats to themselves or their love interests lightly. Delusional types are known to go to extremes if they believe it will gain them even the smallest favor from their sweetheart.

ison babe dependence type

“I couldn't live without you. Promise you won't leave me"

The dependency type cannot function without your love interest. They are unable to live without their darling's motivation and will beg you not to leave or throw it away. It is not uncommon for them to succumb to bouts of jealousy or anxiety when they feel they are losing interest in their sweetheart. They prefer to keep the object of their affection away from the outside world. As long as they promise to stay with them forever, there's nothing to worry about.

haijo gata removal type

"No one will love you more than me."

The remove type will remove everyone they believe their love interest doesn't need in their lives. While the severity of the removal can vary, there is no limit as to what they will do to achieve their goal. In most cases, there are two subtypes of removal yanderes. Those who secretly remove people in an attempt to keep their loved ones blissfully unaware of their true intentions have been known to light up their love interest to see the best in others' disappearance. Others remove people openly and, sometimes as a punishment to prevent your darling from misbehaving. They face little to no qualms about going to extreme lengths to get what they want - and keeping the object of their affection safe, of course.

shuuchaku gata obsession type

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer my calls?"

The obsessive type will try to absorb everything about their love interest, be it personal information, hobbies, routines or beliefs. They are constantly thirsty for more of their darling and consistently need to know what their love interest is up to. They regularly check the object of their affection and prefer to be by your side all the time (if possible, without frightening your darling). They don't necessarily want to monopolize their love interest, but they do want to know everything they do.

sutookaa gata stalker type

"You will never be alone. I won't let anything happen to you"

The stalker type will follow their love interest, often without their knowledge, to make sure they are safe and well behaved. They are constantly aware of what the object of their affection is up to and will often go so far as to exploit whatever technology or planner they may have. Sometimes they may feel the need to deepen their observation by following them from sunrise to sunset or setting up cameras in their loved ones' homes. They tend to focus too much on their love interest and can sometimes lose control of their emotions when it comes to disconnecting from them in any way, shape or amount.

Billy Showalter

MANIPULATIVE - Yanders with manipulative behavior wish to control the person of their affection. Their love interest may already love them, or so they are led to believe, before their dangerous tendencies are revealed. These are the types who put their love interest in dangerous or unethical situations to play savior and push them closer to addiction. It is important to note the push and pull method, where they will test the interest of the object of their affection by making them jealous or worried. They are not satisfied until they believe their love interest is equally in love with them.

Types: Shuuchaku gata, Koritsu yuudou gata, Dokusen gata, Sokubaku gata, Sutookaa gata

obsession type, monopoly type, loneliness induction type, restraint type, stalker type

shuuchaku gata obsession type

"Where were you? Why didn't you answer my calls?"

The obsessive type will try to absorb everything about their love interest, be it personal information, hobbies, routines or beliefs. They are constantly thirsty for more of their darling and consistently need to know what their love interest is up to. They regularly check the object of their affection and prefer to be by your side all the time (if possible, without frightening your darling). They don't necessarily want to monopolize their love interest, but they do want to know everything they do.

koritsu yuudou gata loneliness induction type

"Shh, I'm here. You don't need anyone else, you have me."

The loneliness-inducing type will do anything to make sure their love interest feels lonely. They may do this by spreading malicious rumors about them to incite others to alienate them or sever their other connections through blackmail, murder, and other extreme actions. The moment it seems like your darling is losing their minds, they will pounce on your fragile mindset and become your lifeline. Inducing things that don't make your sweetheart feel lonely but cause some sort of mental damage, trauma is not out of character for these yanderes.

dokusen gata monopoly type

"Who was that you were talking to?"

The Monopoly type wants to completely dictate who their love interest interacts with and how they can interact with them. They are constantly asking questions and refuse to budge unless they are completely up to date on their sweetheart. It is not uncommon for them to bribe the object of their affection by appealing to their logical or emotional viewpoints - whatever is necessary to keep their darling from straying. At the height of their monopoly, the love interest will be held in a specific location with their days completely planned out for them whether they like it or not.

sokubaku gata restraint type

“Why would you want to leave? You have everything you need here"

The restraining type will stop at nothing to make sure your love interest is on your side. If the two are not inseparable, the yandere cannot feel satisfied. They yearn for the object of their affection to desire them and are willing to put in as much time and effort as possible to obtain it. It's not uncommon for them to resort to gaslighting and kidnapping their darling to make sure they depend on them for everything.

sutookaa gata stalker type

"You will never be alone. I won't let anything happen to you"

The stalker type will follow their love interest, often without their knowledge, to make sure they are safe and well behaved. They are constantly aware of what the object of their affection is up to and will often go so far as to exploit whatever technology or planner they may have. Sometimes they may feel the need to deepen their observation by following them from sunrise to sunset or setting up cameras in their loved ones' homes. They tend to focus too much on their love interest and can sometimes lose control of their emotions when it comes to disconnecting from them in any way, shape or amount.