#it’s cardan’s letters guys

[azriels-shadowsinger]

No. 13 for Azriel please ❤️❤️🤌✨

“Everything reminds me of you, it's driving me insane”

Azriel x Reader

wc: 1.4K

a/n: kinda inspired by cardan’s letters. if yall read the cruel prince series then u know. get ready for some angst yall.

prompt list

“This is the last straw Azriel. I can’t handle not being a priority in your life! You always choose Rhys, Cassian, Elain, work, or literally anything else over me. I have only seen you once in the past week, and we live together for Cauldron’s sake! I feel like I live with a ghost. You’re gone before I wake up and you return after I fall asleep!” You yell between tears. “I can’t do this anymore. I love you, but it is too painful to keep living like this.” Azriel realizes where this is headed.

“Y/n, please. I’ll be better. I promise!” He begs, desperation in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Azriel. You had your chance, multiple actually. It’s too late.” You turn away, unable to look at his heartbroken face without potentially giving in. You can feel his shadows attempting to reach for you as you walk out the door.

———

January 7th

Dear y/n,

Rhys won’t tell me where exactly you left to, but promised he would deliver this. I understand that you are angry with me and that you need some time to calm down. I hope that you will return soon so we can work this out. I love you and I’m sorry.

Sincerely,

Azriel

———

January 29th

Dear y/n,

Point taken, dear. I know I messed up, but it’s been weeks and I miss you.

I know you are getting these letters. Rhys said he ensured they would be delivered. I guess that doesn't guarantee that you will read them. Nevertheless, I am sorry for my actions and I am taking steps to create boundaries in my life so that I can have more time for you. I can prove it, if only you would just come home.

With deepest apologies,

Azriel

———

February 14th

My love,

I had hoped you would return before Valentine's Day. You always loved celebrating this holiday. I know you won’t see them, but I still got you flowers. They're on your nightstand.

It's been over a month. I miss your voice. Please come home.

Azriel

———

March 7th

Y/n,

If this is your way of punishing me, then consider it a success. I’m a wreck without you. Please come home.

-Azriel

———

March 30th,

My heart,

I am begging you to come home. Come home and yell at me, come home and fight with me, just please come home. I love you and I’m so sorry.

Always with love,

Azriel

———

May, 15th,

Y/n,

I understand what you meant about feeling like you were living with a ghost. Everything reminds me of you, and it’s driving me insane. I am haunted by these traces of you around our home. Please end this torment and come back to me.

-Azriel

———

June 7th

I’m sorry.

I love you.

Why are you doing this to me?

I hate myself for causing this and pushing you away.

Do you still love me? Do you even miss me?

Please come home I can’t take it anymore.

I love you I love you I love you I love you

I miss you.

———

Y/n,

This is my last letter. I won’t bother you anymore after this. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy. I will always regret taking your love for granted.

Eternally yours,

Azriel

———

It was another sleepless night for Azriel. He was plagued with the memories of every single time he chose something or someone else over you. He’s past the point of beating himself up over it, but rather, he considers this the worst punishment of all. Being forced to relive each memory over and over, unable to change it. Hating himself and drowning his sorrows in whiskey.

He hears a knock at the door. It’s probably Cass or Rhys, doing their weekly check on him, since he rarely leaves the house anymore. Azriel chooses to ignore them.

They knock again.

“Fuck off, I’m not in the mood tonight guys.” He barks in the direction of the door, taking another sip of his whiskey.

Another knock.

Cauldron boil him, his brothers were relentless. He was going to open the door, but only to yell at them to leave. He grumbles angrily to himself all the way to the door.

“I said I wasn’t-“ It's not Rhys or Cassian on his doorstep. Instead, he sees you, holding a stack of letters. His letters.

This is another dream, he thinks. He must have fallen asleep on the couch. When he wakes you will be gone again, having torn the rip in his heart even wider. But until then, he lets himself indulge in the dream. Azriel doesn’t hesitate for another moment before pulling you into a tight hug.

“My dreams must be especially cruel tonight because somehow I am able to smell your perfume. I can feel your heartbeat.” He mumbles, face buried in your hair. His shadows encompass you two, whispering in Azriel’s ear y/n, y/n, y/n

“This isn’t a dream, Azriel.” You say softly, pulling away to look at him and placing a gentle hand on his cheek. It takes him a moment to realize what’s happening, but as soon as he does, he pulls you back into a hug, even tighter than before. You feel hot tears fall onto your shoulder as his shadows surge around you.

“My love, my heart, my star. You came back to me.” He sobs. Your heart breaks at the pain in his voice. You had known he was probably upset about the breakup, but in an attempt to heal and move on, you never opened his letters… until last night.

After several long minutes of intense bear hugs, he finally manages to let go. Well kind of, he can’t seem to let your hand go yet.

“We should talk, Az.” You say nervously.

“I will do anything you want if it means you will stay.”

Gods, you were the worst person in the world. This poor male, who you still love desperately despite your best efforts, is so broken over you leaving.

“I’m not going anywhere, Az.” You reassure him. He finally loses a small bit of tension in his shoulders a the words, but his hands seem to hold tighter. You take a deep breath, trying to prepare for what you have to say.

“I didn’t read your letters until last night. I was trying to get over you, and so I avoided reading them. In an attempt to move on, I had convinced myself you were happy without me. But I couldn’t move on. I couldn't stop loving you. When I finally read your letters, I realized you truly had changed. I should’ve read them months ago. I should've never left. I’m so sorry Azriel. I understand if you need time or if you can’t forgive me but-“ He cuts you off.

“I forgive you. I don’t need time. I only need you here.” He’s so quick to dismiss every mistake you made, it breaks your heart. It will take a long while to reassure him that you aren’t ever leaving again, maybe a lifetime, but that’s okay.

You take notice of his dark circles and how skinny he has gotten. Gods, has he eaten at all since you left, you wonder.

“Let me make us some dinner, then we can talk more, okay?” Azriel nods and reluctantly lets go of your hand, following you to the kitchen like a lost puppy.

———

After several long hours of tears and brutal honesty, you and Azriel lay in your bed, embracing each other.

You spent the next week holed up in the house, reconnecting and reigniting your love for each other. You even took extra time to apologize to his shadows. They were very happy that you were back and made sure to show you so.

True to his word, Azriel never took your love for granted for as long as you both lived. And true to yours, you never left again.

I think I may do this prompt again later with someone else in more of a rivals to lovers type scenario, but I kinda just felt like this was fun for this one and wanted to try it idk

prompt list

taglist: @fxckmiup

[likecanyoujustnot]

Cardan’s letters pov

Part 1: overcautious

A/n: because I can’t do much else here’s another alternate pov. thank you to @darlingod for helping me with the order of the letters. It’s quite short and the other parts will be up soon, shouldn’t take as long as my other one. Lmk if you wanna be tagged

Part 2

She still wasn’t back.

It has been a week and a half.

And I was beginning to panic.

Until pardoned by the crown. I’d made it as clear for her as I could think to without the Undersea knowing I wasn’t planning to leave her in exile forever.

But she’d killed my brother. After I explicitly told her not to.

However it was Jude, and it was what Jude did best- act now ask questions later. And she wouldn’t’ve done so without reason.

“Your majesty,” Randalin followed me as I walked through the halls, the bastard.

“What.”

Jude would probably laugh that I had to actually talk to one of my advisors.

“Princess Nicasia wishes to speak to you.”

“I do not wish to speak to her.”

“It might be good to at least sit down with her, remove some of the… uh… tensions that remain after Prince Balekin’s murder.” I was taller than the man so he had to hurry to keep up with me, it brought me a slight amount of petty satisfaction.

“Again, I do not wish to speak to her.” Didn’t this is guy ever shut up? This was exactly why I made Jude go to council meetings.

“Well then there is also the matter of finding a new seneschal since you exiled your last one-”

I cut him off before I punched him. I wasn’t a particularly violent person, but I would make an exception for him. “This can wait till the next meeting.”

“Of course your majesty.” He turned around and walked the other way.

I opened the door to my room. And slammed it behind me.

There was a hole in my chest. I’d never felt like this before, this longing and guilt. And fear that perhaps something had happened to her.

I sat at the desk for the first time since I’d moved in here, grabbed a quill and began writing on a blank piece of parchment.

Jude,

I stared at her name. What could I say? There was always the risk of the letters being intercepted, especially with Madoc unaccounted for, so I couldn’t say too much, would she want the folk to know she was their queen yet? Would she want to be there and say it instead of rumours festering as they always did?

Come back

That made me sound desperate. And I wasn’t desperate, not yet.

You are perhaps only being overcautious, but I am writing to inform you that all is settled between the Undersea and Elfhame. The treaties are signed in sea foam and blood.

Expectantly,

Cardan

I looked at it. Yes, it was straight to the point, much like she always was.

I grabbed an envelope and blew the dust off of it. Maybe I should do more work every now and then.

I wrote her name on the front of it and handed it to one of the guards outside my room.

“See to it that this is taken to a messenger.”

“Yes your majesty.” He replied and left.

All I could do was hope it made it to her, and she would want to come back.

[sweetvillainjude]

hey guys do we ever see jude’s exile from cardan’s pov outside the letters? i’ve seen posts abt him just being drunk and sad but i don’t know if there are any written scenes for this or just people’s (definitely accurate) headcanons? :,)

[jongsiemain]

what do ur moots remind you of?(ex: places, colors, songs, etc)

(totally not sav)

oooo this seems like sm fun okay let's go! I really hope I did this right bc lord.

@redm4ri — the colour red it's literally so mari and bc she loves it, sunghoon ofc, the word 'honey' 😊, DOLLY OUR CHILD, the country where shes from, the cruel prince trilogy (mari cardan is the best you'll get it turst me), snapchat shes the only reason I still have it fr

@delcakoo2 — soccer because she used to play and that's soifhueisiud, BC duhh, AIB I convinced her to watch that show and then we screamed abt it to e/o, applehoon pc, Yeonjun, doors on roblox bc we played it together (I carried btw), LOL I don't like lol players but ema is am exception

@.ddeonudepressions — sunoo bc yes, ateez and especially hongjoong, the ask you friend tiktoks bc we always sent each other those, the place where she lives ofc

@soov — jungwon rei is crazy for him like, whenever someone tells me to kms bc that's what she always does, also one of my irl friends since he always bullies me, brazil, jjk we talk to e/o abt it a lot, the percy jackson series I read it all bc of her fic, jaan bc that's the nn I gave her even though I dont use it

@ox1-lovesick — katrina kaif, TXT if you know sav you will know how much she loves them, fuckboy. When I tell you that sav and rei called me that for weeks I am not lying, any of the heuning siblings

@zzzseung — heeseung bc she's like his best and biggest fan, what she's studying, UOT bc we had multiple conversations abt it, where she lives, Taylor Swift like they both js come to mind yk?, whenever theres drama she knows like the first person I tell

@hanniluvi — I think tbz I think soph, sona, letters bc of her smau my penpal wait what which you need to read if you havent btw, the time when I first started reading on enhablr, the chuu bot on discord, jake

@flwoie — I'm your boy by tbz she has the song like injected in her veins atp, anything tbz related, soph, whenever someone says heart attack or cardiac arrest

@haknom — blueberry iykyk, her city, long ass acronyms bc guys. I had a heart attack trying to remember 'acgtdadnl', the words 'pays, bc of mpays (I'm so excited for that fic), webtoon bc yes 🤭, 'bubs' since that's my nn for her

@wonieleles — yale bc we were talking abt it in wme one day, mint chocolate, prom/hoco

@yenqa — apple cider by beabadoobee bc of her fic, the shatter me series, also arron (idk if I spelt that right) bc she loves that man even though I dont get it

@hsgwrld — europe fr as I like to say meg is my favourite european, dating apps 😭, arranged marriage aus bc of a wip

@kynrki — Ni-ki of course, also the time when I first started reading on enhablr, the colour yellow is so super kimmy to me

@seongclb — Britain I don't like British people but Kat is an exception y'all, 'magnet' bc that's in her fics name (kat I will read it soon i promise), pink!! that colour is so kat for some reason

@yeokii — queen lizzie 😝, henna bc it sounds like hana a bit, also srk

[raspberrysunshinebby]

Two Choices

(I’m gonna change the name I promise. Please send suggestions.)

Chapter 5

Pairing: Eris x reader x Azriel

Summary: The future wife of Eris never cared much for mating bonds, she had spent years in love with Eris and when Beron finally died they could be together. He has full intention to make his love into his High Lady until at a party meant to celebrate Eris’ reign the girl finds herself finding her mate, Azriel.

Warnings: Slight smut, angst, azriel is literally toxic/manipulative and i was going to say kind of abusive but he literally is lol. 

For context on the characters in this chapter read the Character Information on the masterlist.

Word Count:822 

Cardan’s POV

The letters I’ve gotten from my older brother did nothing but piss me off. Silas sent me letters to explain what had happened between my sister and Eris, that idiot had allowed her to go and be with a mate she didn’t want.

Then the letter she’d sent to Eris didn’t feel right. Silas took the letter from Eris and sent it to me.

In the letter she’d explained how she found solstice in Azriel and decided to stay in the Night Court. Then she wrote to not have anyone from the Autumn Court contact her.

It was her handwriting, it was how she wrote but it wasn't her. I’d known her better than any of our brothers, she wouldn’t leave the Autumn Court like that as she loved it here. She’d mentioned when she had a Night Court suitor at twenty-nine that she thought the colors were boring and made her look dead.

I knew the second I read it that it wasn’t her, but Eris was too busy sulking when I had Silas tell him. The idiot of a man really believes she’d leave him like that. After I received the letter I sent my sister one of my own, which I never got a response from. Eris told Silas to leave her alone like she’d asked in the letter but none of it felt right. I refused to believe my sister would do that.

Now I sat in the war room with my soon to be father in law discussing this issue with him.

“So you truly believe something else has been going on?” General Everest asked me, I nodded to him.

“You have to understand that I know my sister well, I fully believe that they are possibly forcing her to stay there. Nothing about that letter seems right.” 

“I hope they’re not,” General Everest started, “If the Night Court is truly keeping her there a war could break out. For their sake I hope your belief is wrong.”

“I do too.” I responded before hearing the footsteps of my fiance Valerie.

“Did they kidnap her or something?” Valerie said as she walked in.

“They didn’t kidnap her but I believe they aren’t letting her leave.” I told her, moving over on the couch I sat down on to give Valerie a seat.

“Do you really think she’d let them do that? She got mad at Eris once for not letting her join in on your guy’s training.” Valerie said.

“Mates can make you weak my daughter,” General Everest said, “whether you want it to or not.”

“He's not wrong,” I agreed with my soon to be father in law, “your mate can change you for good or bad.”

Valerie took a deep breath and crossed her arms, “What are you gonna do about it?”

“I’ll be heading to the Night Court in three days' time, I’m hoping the High Lord accepts the meeting but I’m going even if he says no,” I started, “My sister is still both mine and my brother's ward. We have every right to go and retrieve her.”

“That's if she didn’t accept the bond.” General Everest said, sipping his wine.

Valerie snickered, “Your sister never did like the brute type.”

As I entered the walls of the Forest House one of the servants immediately knew to take me to Eris, probably already hearing of the issue at hand. 

When I walked in I saw Eris asleep at his desk with wine by him, it was mid-day. I walked up to the man to shake him awake. Eris’ eyes snapped opened as he woke up, clearly in a daze. He looked up to see my face.

“Long time no see, Cardan.” He said tiredly. You could tell he wasn’t hung over, just tired.

I got straight to the point, “I don't think (Y/N) wrote that letter.” Eris ran his hand through his hair, “Why do you think that?” He sounded a little annoyed, I was sure he wanted to forget my sister.

“She wouldn’t leave like this, if she left at all. Even without you she loves the Autumn Court and she loves her brothers, why would she ask us to not contact her.” I said, “I think they’re forcing her to stay there.”

Eris’ stared at his desk, “And what if they’re not. Then your just going against her wishes.”

“As long as she hasn’t accepted the bond it doesn’t matter,” I started, “Under the law your great grandfather made she is a ward of me and my brother. Due to her being my ward I have every right to see her considering she is still a citizen of the Autumn Court.”

He didn’t look up, “Do whatever the fuck you want. I dont care.”

Giving him a nod, I walked out of the room ready to wait the three days to see my sister, whether Rhysand allowed it or not.

[fearinfected]

💀

Send 💀 for my muses biggest fear regarding your muse

Being a forgotten memory in his long life.

Eddie knows what it's like to be forgotten. He knows what it's like to say goodbye to a friend, to have ink-stained fingers from countless letters, and to fall behind as a memory of someone's old life. Even Bill, his oldest and best friend, had stopped replying to him, an aching loneliness in the boy's chest when another day came and went with only bills in the mailbox.

Even before Eddie knew of Cardan's background, he knew that the boy didn't belong in Derry, that he was too good to be swallowed up by the town that hell resided under. There was no way that this guy, who spoke like he was from a different land and dressed like every mean geriatric's nightmare, was going to grow old in this place. And then when he did learn of Cardan's life, of his runaway tendencies and obligations back in Elfhame, it became a waiting game: Would today be the day he moved on?

Because Cardan would forget him. Like everyone else who left Derry, Eddie would become a smudge in his memory, a question - "What was that boy's name again? The annoying one with the lung problem."

And so when they're sat at the breakfast table, a mixture of horror and delight in Eddie's features as Cardan enchants the kitchen appliances to scare his mother, he tries so hard to paint the moment to memory, to capture the smirk on the prince's face as he kicks him underneath the table.

After all, he knows - he just knows - that when he is old and grey in his hospital bed, Eddie will think often of Cardan and the strange way he made him feel. And Cardan, still young in Faerie, will not even remember that they had once existed together as friends.

[death-and-other-myths]

The Queen of Nothing Deadass Book Review

Okay look, this book has everything. Our main character is an unhinged monster. Her husband was raised by a cat or something. There's snakes. GOD DAMN I LOVE THIS BOOK.

This is an unhinged book review of The Queen of Nothing By Holly Black.

*SPOILERS AHEAD*

Well the 3rd and final book in this series starts out with a bang, with the prologue painting Cardan’s tragic backstory as a baby taken to meet his father by his shitty, neglectful mom. Baefin, the royal astronomer shows up and decides to ruin everyone’s day by saying, “Hey, the stars say this kid is going to topple your kingdom and you’ll never have another child after him.” — so right out of the gate, everyone hates Cardan. His siblings play with him like a puppy. His Mom is the flakiest asshole. She uses a… cat..?? As a wet nurse?? Like WOW LADY. Both CPS and PETA would like a word with you.

There’s a super sad part when Cardan is older, and Dane is messing with him. They are shooting a walnut off of a mortal’s head, who happens to be Val Moren’s lover. Val Moren was the old High King’s sineschel, and his heart was broken for the rest of his life after his boyfriend got shot with an arrow by these big dumb faerie princes.

Dane offers to switch arrows, so if Cardan messes up and hits the man, everyone will think Dane did it. Cardan says fine, but chickens out when it comes time to shoot. So Dane shoots Cardan’s arrow into the guy’s chest, and tells everyone that Cardan did it. So as punishment, they sent Asha into jail and cultivated Cardan’s reputation of being a heartless asshole. It’s just shit all around. GOD THIS POOR BABY I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER. HE IS THE SWEET, MESSED UP PRODUCT OF HIS AWFUL FAMILY. AUGH.

Meanwhile, in the mortal world…

Jude is watching Oak play war games with the other 5 year olds and he keeps accidentally glamoring them (so he appears invisible until he attacks). When all of his friends leave, she sneaks up on him and you know, almost chokes him out. Like sisters do!

He’s all upset with her and she’s like “I’m just trying to show you that fighting is real, and it’s serious, and it’s not a game!” and he says he never ever wants to be king, which makes this reader happy.

At night, Jude makes money by doing odd jobs for the local faeries. They apparently can live in the mortal world, usually because they’re in hiding or exile or just because they want to. She meets up with one of the Roach’s old friends, who is a goat man that gives her a job to go talk to a lady named Grima Mog and tell her to quit murdering people.

Grima Mog is part of the “Court of Teeth”, and is a warrior who was banished for one reason or another and is causing a scene in the real world. Jude goes over, tells her to cut it out, and Grima Mog challenges her to a duel on the roof. Jude wins, because she is still a savage badass. And in return, Grima Mog tells her the latest hot goss: That King Cardan is going to be overthrown before the next full moon.

Jude is like cool I don’t care about him. Yep. Totally don’t care about that loser who is also my husband. Fuck him. Ima ride the bus home covered in blood. So she does that.

And when she gets home, Heather is there trying to pluck up the courage to see Vivi again. But moreover, TARYN IS THERE in her flowy pretty dress and Jude is like “Get the fuck out.” (still covered in blood by the way).

Taryn explains that she MURDERED LOCKE. Like not even in self defense or anything. He pissed her off and slept around, so she stabbed him with a LETTER OPENER and THREW HIM IN THE OCEAN so his body washed up a few miles downshore all chewed up, and now she has to go to Faerie court and be glamored to tell the truth. So she’s asking Jude if she’ll pose as her and go in her stead.

Jude can’t really resist the opportunity to get back into Faerie land and slap her husband, so she agrees. Also Taryn drops the bomb that she’s pregnant too. So ... damn. I guess being bloodthirsty maniacs runs in this family. Like whoa.

Alright, Jude goes back to Elfhame pretending to be Taryn. She spends a brief night in Locke’s house where she finds drugs just… everywhere. Gold stuff is smeared on the couches and the servants bring her a faerie apple with dinner, which Jude finds hella weird since that stuff is like heroin to humans. She’s starting to realize Taryn isn’t as innocent as she thought. As if the whole “murdering her husband” thing wasn’t her first clue.

She walks into the courtroom and gives a curtsey, and Cardon goes “…Taryn?”

She’s like “Yes m’lord tis I, sweet lil’ innocent Taryn. Look at me all in my pretty little dress being demure and cooperative.”

Cardon smirks and is like “okaaayyyy. Begin the questioning.”

Jude is standing there thinking “Cardon you dumb fuck I’ve tricked you. You’ve played right into the palm of my hand, you treacherous scum.”

And we as the reader realize it’s pretty fucking obvious that he knows its her. And that he looks elated to see her.

He “glamours” her to only be able to tell the truth and asks her if she killed Locke. Jude says no. So Cardon turns to Nicasia and his Mom (who are also there) and is like “Welp, she didn’t do it. Guess we can all go drink and party and forget this ever happened now. Like we did when Valerian died. Remember how no one seemed to care about that?”

But Jude has to take it a step further and be like “I think the sea had something to do with it.”

Nicasia is pissed. “WHY would the sea start shit if we have a treaty with the land? Also Locke was my friend! If anyone killed him it was probably your horrifying sister. She loves murdering people. She does it like, all the time.”

Lady Asha chimes in like “It’s court gossip that Locke was fooling around with both you and your sister. Maybe she killed him to get revenge because she loved him.”

And Jude (as Taryn) says, “My sister only loves one person, and it’s not Locke.”

Cardan is unable to stifle his glee.

“And she wants that person dead.”

Cardan bristles.

Nicasia says they can’t trust anything “Taryn” says because she could be wearing a charm to resist glamour (implying Jude should strip in front of the court). But Jude can’t do that without revealing herself, since she’s all scarred up and Cardan knows every single one of those scars.

Luckily, our boy is on to this so he’s like “How about I personally inspect her for charms in my quarters. Alone. Away from here. This is totally normal, right?” And the court is like “Right!” So they’re walking to his room. And a servant runs into her with a tray, and slips her a knife and is like “Don’t worry miss Taryn. Your father is coming to save you.” And Jude is like What? Shit. What??

But then she’s alone in Cardan’s room and he is immediately like “Oh my god how are you? Did you get my letters? I wrote you every day but you never replied. Hi.”

And Jude is FLABBERGASTED “You knew it was me?!”

“From the second you walked into the room?? You’re my wife? God, you’re cute.”

She’s still pissed at him though for tricking her, which to us is very obvious to us that it was for her own protection, but Jude thinks he’s awful. She shows him the knife someone gave her and for a moment he’s like… wait… shit… is she going to stab me? She kind of likes making him think she will. But she tells him Maddock is up to something, then there’s a huge explosion. And instead of stabbing Cardan, she goes back to her warrior ways like “Stay here!” Even though he’s shouting at her not to.

Jude takes like 2 steps outside the door and gets knocked out with Faerie chloroform by some of Maddock’s knights.

She wakes up in a carriage with Oriana being carted off to Maddock’s stronghold. And everyone is like “Sorry Taryn! It was just easier to get you out of there if you were… you know… unconscious for 3 days.” (Wtf faerie people??)

So now Jude is STUCK pretending to be Taryn in Maddock’s snowy army headquarters near the Court of Teeth territory. She has to hang out and pretend to like Oriana, her prim and boring stepmother, and convince everyone she’s Taryn or Maddock will literally kill her.

During her time in camp, she meets Grimsen the master forge guy, who likes compliments and young girls (which is hella gross). She flirts with him to learn about his magic weapons and learns he’s making a crazy powerful sword for Maddock to use to take Cardan’s crown.

Jude has an awkward conversation with Maddock where he’s like “I never much cared for Jude. God she’s so annoying. You’re cool though.” He also tells her that when he saved her from the palace, half his knights got murdered in the process. He said the doors shrunk and trapped his men inside, then vines came down from the ceiling and strangled them. Only the ones running with her made it out alive and everyone else got savagely choked to death. So like… Cardan is a badass and can still control the land around him. And clearly he does not take kindly to people kidnapping his wife.

Jude decides she needs to run away before anyone catches on to her, and on her way out, she stops to inspect this cave set far away from the camp. In it, she finds THE GHOST who betrayed her like a little fucking asshole just because his buddy Dane got killed. He tells her his whole sad story. That Dane was like, his friend and ally. He even gave Dane his “true name” (which is a big real. If anyone knows a faerie’s true name, they can command them to do anything). And then somehow Locke got his true name from Dane. And was commanding Ghost to do all these terrible things. Then Locke gave him to Maddock. So Jude is like SIIGHHH God damnit okay I’m getting out of here and taking you with me. I just need to get the key from Grimsen.

She goes BACK to camp, where Oriana is waiting for her like a huge dick. And she’s all like “You’re not Taryn, are you?” But thank god she doesn’t rat her out. Jude tells her why she was masquerading as Taryn, which Oriana totally understands (everyone in their family hated Locke) and the only reason she’s here is because Maddock FAERIE CHLOROFORMED HER.

Oriana agrees to write Vivi to come get Jude if Jude agrees to leave and never fucking come back to Faerie. Jude, being a lying liar, is like “yeah! Totes!”

So Jude goes to bed and plans on waking up before dawn and stealing the key from Grimsen to grab the Ghost and run. But she gets a hand thrown over her mouth in her sleep and elbows her assailant hard. Before she can STAB THEM, the Roach is laughing his ass off like “Jude, come on. It’s us.” And I nearly screamed and fell off the treadmill when she realizes that it’s CARDAN who has his hand over her mouth.

YAYYY!!! Cardan needs more screen time. I was so sad when Jude got kidnapped like god damnit. The high king is there in regular-people clothes. No crown. No gold eyeliner. He tells her that he knew where she was because he went to visit Vivi in the human world, which Jude cannot even picture and neither than I.

She’s like “Wtf did he even WEAR?” She tries to picture him sitting on their beat up couch next to Oak’s half eaten Lucky Charms. So apparently Vivi, Taryn, AND HEATHER are waiting for them in the forest. They bullied their way into the rescue operation by refusing to tell the high king where Jude was unless they could come.

Jude, difficult as usual, is like “Neat. You can’t rescue me yet. I need to free the Ghost from his torture cave first.”

Cardan is like “Can you FOR ONCE just let someone RESCUE you without being DIFFICULT?”

She’s like “No. Help me get this key from Grimsen.”

And he says “Okay.” (Whispers: “I love you so much”)

So the Roach, Jude, and Cardan sneak into Grimsen’s forge to get the key. Jude totally doesn’t notice how good Cardan is at sneaking around, nor how good he looks in those pants.

Before they left, the Roach told Cardan he could come on the dangerous mission if he promised to leave if they got discovered. Cardan is like Oh my god FIIIINE why does everyone make me promise thiiiings. Stupid fucking promise magic.

He also made a promise to Jude that if she returned with him to Elfhame, and told him what she needs to tell him, he’ll un-exile her. So Jude is like HOT DAMN YES.

They break into the forge, get the key, and immediately trip a booby trap. Some darts fly out of the wall and Cardan instinctively protects Jude with his cloak that is basically bulletproof. They look at each other as if they’re surprised at this, because they are having a little fight where they can’t figure out who betrayed who, if at all. GOD THESE KIDS ARE SO STUPID I LOVE THEM.

Well the romantic moment gets ruined because the Roach is down with a dart. Cardan carries him and Jude is like “BRB I GOTTA TELL MY SISTERS TO LEAVE or they’ll get caught” (The knights are scrambling now in response to the alarm). Cardan, who is honor-bound to return to Elfhame is like “Fine. Fuck. Fine. Damnit.” And leaves his woman, who totally does NOT go to her sisters, but runs to the cave to get Locke. AND IN THE CAVE, SHE FINDS MADDOCK WAITING FOR HER.

She’s like “When did you figure out it was me?” and he says “Later than I would have liked.” — apparently it was the way she looked at the BOATS on the MAP in his tent that tipped him off, which is kind of a slight to Taryn more than anything lol

Jude refuses to surrender, and knowing all she has is a dagger, she runs off into the snowy woods and does a halfway decent job of defending herself, but ultimately gets stabbed in the stomach. Maddock is kind of surprised at this too, and he even seems like he’s going to spare her life until an ARROW flies out of nowhere and into his chest. Vivi, Taryn, and GRIMA MOG (not Heather) show up and threaten him. So they let him retreat back to his army.

Jude is like “Ya’ll I don’t feel so good.” And collapses, asking Taryn to stitch her side. While she’s on the ground, she remembers that she is a queen and tries to heal herself with the land… however one does that… but it totally works because it heals up enough. And when she stands up there are flowers everywhere, because that’s a fun side effect of being royal.

Maddock said he sent the Ghost after Cardan, so Jude leaves Grima Mog to protect her sisters and rushes off to the palace to stop “Garret” (his real name!) before he can kill Cardon.

She climbs up in the rafters, which is the Ghost’s favorite killing place, and is watching Cardan and everyone below when the Bomb climbs up in the rafters too, and AIMS AT JUDE. Jude realizes that Maddock tricked her, and sent her there to look like SHE is the one trying to kill Cardan. So she dodges the Bomb’s arrow and FALLS straight onto the banquet table.

There’s this cute part where Jude croaks “I lost your cloak.”

And Cardan is like “You’re a fucking filthy mortal liar.” In front of everyone, which stings. Jude thinks he believes she was trying to assassinate him too. We all know it’s cause he’s pissed she keeps putting herself in danger after promising she won’t.

The court is demanding her death, because they love dinner and a show, and Cardan says “DON’T TOUCH HER. That’s my wife.”

Jude passes out. Wakes up in Cardan’s bed with him being super sweet and tending to her. Passes out some more. Wakes up naked and gross so she takes a bath. Sees her sisters, who are super happy she is alive (I love the sisters, even stupid Taryn).

After they leave, Cardan arrives, which is sweet. Then the Bomb shows up with a medical tray, and says to him “you should leave.”

And he’s like “I’m not leaving. This is my room. And she is MY wife!”

Bomb: “I know, you keep telling EVERYONE. But I need to take our her stitches and you probably don’t want to see that.”

Jude goes “Maybe he wants to stay and watch me scream.”

And Cardan says “Maybe I do. Maybe one day you’ll do that for me.” And touches her head and LEAVES. AHHHHHH!!!!!

Jude gets her stitches out. Later, Cardan comes to fetch her because the Living Council wants to talk to her. But they take a detour to the rose garden for these two stupid idiots to work out their issues. Jude is like “I’M STILL PISSED THAT YOU EXILED ME.”

Cardan: “I wrote you letters?? Every day?? The contents of which were BEGGING YOU TO COME HOME. Also? I very explicitly said that you were banished until pardoned by the crown. You are also the crown. You could have pardoned yourself and come back any time you wanted.”

Jude slaps him lol. Smears his cute gold shit he wears around his cheekbones.

SHE IS PISSED. And again. They are so dumb. But I love them.

Cardan explains that he never thought she was capable of breaking? Or being sad? Or being defeated? In his eyes she’s like this immortal warrior demon that he wants to make love to all day. So he thought he was proposing a fun riddle for her to work out. Like Jude would show up any day now like “Hah! Good trick to make Orla think you were an ally. Let’s conquer the world, babe.” — instead Jude fell into a DEEP depression and ate fish sticks for a few months, all the while Cardan’s shitty MOM was keeping his letters from reaching her.

Jude feels embarrassed and foolish and in typical Jude fashion, does not handle this well.

She goes off on a tangent about how she’s not an immortal warrior demon, she’s SCARED all the time. Scared of this world and of powerlessness and of CARDAN. It’s a cute exchange and sweet things are said, but none of which are explicit. Will you idiots shut up and kiss already??? GAWD.

Jude goes and talks to Lady Asha who is languishing in her bed over the trauma of watching HER fall off the rafters. Jude basically hears this woman talk shit about her son who “was difficult to love” and sasses her something fierce, then leaves.

A knight comes and finds Jude and tells her that Nicasia is in the throne room with a bunch of soldiers. When Jude gets there, Cardan is holding her hand and speaking closely with her (OH SNAP) - but nothing weird is going on. They’re just friends and he’s comforting her because MADDOCK SHOT HER MOM WITH SOME KIND OF MAGIC BULLET. And she’s not dead but is in a coma. So Nicasia has to leave and make sure no one tries to unthrone her mom.

Jude puts two and two together that it was the Ghost that probably shot the sea queen. He’s out there running around being all crazy under Maddock’s control. Jude is interrupted from her council meeting by a messenger saying Taryn needs to meet with her immediately in Hallow Hall (which is weird).

So she gets up to leave but Cardan is like “I’ll come too.” and he looks at her so innocently (but also knowing this annoys her) and off they go TOGETHER in a carriage. There, they find Taryn in Balekin’s gross dungeon with the GHOST who she has trapped in a hole. He tells them it was HE who shot Orla, and we also learn the Ghost’s true name (Larkin Gorm Garrett).

The Ghost tries to kill Cardan, but Taryn uses his name to say “Hey, cut it out. You’re free of any previous orders.” and he’s just like “AUGH THANK GOD.” – Jude hands the Ghost aka Garrett over to the Bomb’s custody, and on the carriage ride back, Cardan is being adorable and asking Taryn about the human world. She tells him about slushies and gummy bears. You know, basic human stuff.

Cardan escorts the Ghost to the Bomb, but never comes to bed that night. Which makes Jude sad.

The next day, Randalin bursts in on Jude, and is like “Your dad is such a dick! And he’s being a dick because you’re the queen. Step down and make this easier on all of us.”

And Jude says “No, fuck you.”

And Cardan comes in and in the most elegant, royal way possible, drags his advisor into another room to threaten his life for insulting Jude. It’s very cute.

But Ranndal makes a good point. The lower courts are starting to assemble at the palace because word on the street is that Maddock is going to challenge Cardan to a duel for the crown, and they are either here to show their support or usher in a new king. It’s all very shaky right now.

But in true Faerie fashion, they’re like “Let’s throw a party to celebrate everyone coming into town!”

Jude wears a gold dress with like… battle-esque looking leather shoulder pads and chain-mail lookin accents. She looks like a badass, and this is made even better when Cardan gives a toast at the party that is like “Welcome everyone. To you I offer my honey and wine and to any traitors or oath breakers, I offer you my queen’s hospitality instead. The hospitality of knives.” and everyone is like hahahaha cheers (Jude included)-- meanwhile she’s sipping her cup like “Hah yes it’s true, I will murder you all without batting a eyelash.”

Heather and Vivi are also there with Oak and having a good time considering they have some stupid deal where when they go back to the human world, they’re going to break up and Vivi will erase Heather’s memory. It’s even sadder because Heather seems to be regretting it and Vivi seems to be all about it. Jude is like… when I’m done with this whole “murdering my cat dad before he can murder my king husband” thing, this is next on the list.

OKAY.

OKAY….

So like… after the party…

Jude and Cardan go back to their bedroom, and this is the cutest fucking scene. They start making out and it’s getting super steamy up in there– Cardan picks her up against the wall, and the second she shows any sort of hesitation, he’s like “Okay we don’t have to.” (So sweet) But Jude is like no no, I’m cool. One sec. And she steps into her closet to compose herself, because she hates how inexperienced she is and how he’s an expert.

So this badass bitch gets completely naked, and steps out of the closet just to see the look on his face. Then she kneels and asks if this is what he imagined she’d be like when he thought about her obsessively in Hallow Hall. He’s like um yes. Exactly this. But with more groveling.

“So what did I do?” she asks.

“I imagined you telling me to do with you whatever I liked.” - he says, kind of mortified and scared of her. Like this is such a cute vulnerable moment from him where she has his heart in the palm of her hand. And yay Jude for discovering her sexy self, which like every other personality trait of hers, is also terrifying. Cardan’s into it though. And they have very sexy sex on the floor, which is fucking adorable and sweet and I love it so much, and I also know this means something TERRIBLE is about to happen.

(This was in Chapter 21 by the way!)

In Chapter 22, Maddock finally shows up. He wants to come parlay as per traditional fru fru tradition. The Bomb is like “How about this? How about I shoot him with an arrow?” and Cardan’s like “Nah, I’m not a coward. But I’m not going to duel him either.” – So everyone is just hanging out gathering for this like spectators. Even Vivi, Heather, and Oak who REALLY shouldn’t be there and I’m surprised everyone is okay with this. While they’re getting ready to have the parlay, Jude and Cardan have a little moment.

Before they go out there, Cardan comes out and says that he LOVES HER, and walks away all cool before she can reply, which drives her nuts. Jude realizes she’s loved him for a long time. She loved him before they got married. AUGH so SWEET.

Maddock comes in there like “Duel me. Lookit my big sword made by this master smith. I’ll even let you use it.”

Cardan’s like “I’m not going to fucking duel you, dude. And you better put that fucking sword down in my throne room, kay thanks.”

“Want me to put it down? Okay.” And he DRIVES the sword into the ground, which causes an earthquake so strong it makes the throne cut in half. Like this hundnreddsss year old throne that Cardan’s family has been protecting for generations, just destroyed. God Maddock is an ASSHAT.

Then Maddock starts spewing his shit like “Do you think your people actually care about you? Like your stupid murdered family ever cared about you? The only reason you accepted the crown was because you so desperately wanted to be accepted by your family. Your subjects don’t even like you. My army is super loyal. You suck. DUEL ME OR I KILL THE SEA QUEEN with my magic bullet that moves if I tell it to.”

Cardan has this interesting introspective moment and says “A king is not his crown. You’re right that loyalty or love shouldn’t be forced. But Elfhame shouldn’t be won or lost on a wager, either. You fuckin weird bloodthirsty old man.”

Cardan CRACKS THE BLOOD CROWN IN HALF and is like “The people shouldn’t swear loyalty to a crown. They should support the king they want to support. Your choice is your own.”

And boom, democracy is born in Elfhaim.

The folk are bowing their heads and nodding, totally on board the Cardan train. But then Grimsen interrupts everything by FREAKING OUT about his precious crown and how upset he is that it’s broken.

Jude remembers that everything Grimsen makes is cursed, just as Cardan’s eyes turn black, and the roses over the throne turn black, and his eyes start fucking BLEEDING BLACK and before she knows it, her adoring husband from the night before TURNS INTO A GIANT FUCKING BLACK SNAKE!!!!! *Pterodactyl scream* NNOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Grimsen says “It will poison the land. No true love’s kiss will stop it. No riddle will fix it. Only death.”

Maddock jumps on the opportunity and wants to kill the snake. Jude is like the FUCK you will. Her army seizes Maddock and his little posse. Snake Cardan bites and kills Grimsen, which kind of solidifies that his brain isn’t in there, because Cardan is very much against murdering people. It’s just pure chaos up in the throne room. There’s a cute part where Oak tries to save his mother with a little toy sword. Everyone runs away and the snake gets stabbed a little by Maddock but is okay, and it curls around the throne as Jude is dragged out the room.

Babygirl has herself a much-deserved panic attack. Grima Mog is like “Get a hold of yourself” and Jude says “I fucking will. I’m going to stand up. I’m going to be okay in a minute.” Grima is like “I know you will be.”

I like Grima Mog. I like her even though she’s like a bloodthirsty cannibal. What is it with this book and making me really like murderers?????

Alright so Jude immediately swings into badass bitch mode. Calls the Bomb. Tells her to go get intel on who out there is plotting her assassination and who is vying for the crown. She says not to ask questions. Murder anyone who looks like they’re trying to murder her. The Bomb is like yep. Roger that.  Calls her sister in. Tells Taryn she’s good at decorating things (like Locke’s house of debauchery). Asks her to make up a room to act as a throne room where she can talk to people and be scary and intimidating. Taryn is like yep. On it. She tells Grima Mog she is the new army general, because she doesn’t like the guy Cardan chose.

Jude gets all set up in her makeshift throne room since the real one is currently being guarded by a huge fucking snake. She sees the Living Council in there and starts planning on what to do about Maddock and his stupid fucking army and all of the courts that are currently splintering off trying to figure out who to be loyal to. She calls in Baphen and tells him to consult the stars for a way to cure Cardan. The Living Council is like “we should just kill the snake” and Jude is like “We’re not fucking killing the snake. Focus on Maddock.” So they talk that out and rally the troops.

Eventually the snake gets out lol it gets through the crack in the floor, and then runs around the land for a little bit doing snake stuff.

Wherever it touches rots and turns black. And people have gotten it in their heads that whoever slays the snake gets to be king, so it keeps getting attacked and killing indiscriminately. But eventually, it comes BACK because apparently the throne room is its den now. It curls around the broken throne and it’s snowing in there. The weather outside is also nuts and thunderstormy and hailing.

After her meeting, Jude enters the throne room and tries her hand at talking to the snake. She tries to see if there’s any recognition in its golden eyes, but there doesn’t seem to be. She tries to call on the land to heal him, but nothing happens. There’s a sweet part where she says out loud “Take my crown. Take my power. Take whatever you need, just heal him. Please.” — and even though the land or magic doesn’t answer her, I hope somewhere in there, Cardan heard her.

Okay so the prophecy said… that if Cardan ever came into the crown, the throne and the crown would be destroyed. But the prophecy also said that only if his blood is spilled, would a truly perfect leader emerge. I THINK this means that Jude is eventually going to have to slay the snake.

Jude hangs out in the snowy throne room with the snake for like HOURS until the Bomb comes. The snake has gotten used to Jude’s presence and doesn’t seem to want to attack her, so that’s something. It’s still impossible to tell if Cardan is in there though. I mean it doesn’t react to his name.

Anyway the Bomb says “Hi. I killed a ton of people that were plotting against you. You wanna come out of the snake room now?” And Jude says “Okay.” Just as Grima Mog comes back with word that Maddock wants to talk.

So they move her whole complicated throne set up outside because Jude is livid and doesn’t want these people anywhere near her fucking home and her cursed husband. I don’t know if I mentioned it earlier, but the people from the Court of Teeth are weird. They’re like ice faeries and they have this little girl who is their queen, but she’s just a puppet for her parents who keep her on a literal bridle. When they get there, the bridle is gone, but her skin is all scarred from where it was. And she’s in these horrible chains that look just as painful. Maddock shows up with that lovely family and isn’t wearing any armor.

He’s like “Hey. I never wanted to kill you. I actually quite like you. You wanna strike a deal? I’ll give you this bridle so you can control your snake husband. It was made by Grimsen and gives you complete control over whoever you want to restrain. That way you can remain queen and make sure your snake stops running around rotting the earth and killing anyone who tries to pierce its apparently impervious scales.”

Jude is like “You threw a bunch of men at it and figured out it’s unstoppable, didn’t you? What are you up to?”

“Make Oak marry this tiny icy abused child and you get the bridle.” Maddock says.

AND TO MY SHOCK AND HORROR, Jude is like “Okay.” — well she agrees to accepting the bridle on the terms that the war should be put on hold and it’s better for everyone if there isn’t a deadly toxic snake running around.

She doesn’t agree to the marriage. She agrees to have a bridling… event? Where she is going to attempt to bridle the snake, and if she wins then yay. If she fails and it kills her, then the armies are all gathered and can duke it out. She thinks Maddock is trying to rule through her the way she ruled through Cardan. Oh gosh I hope she’s up to  something and not actually considering putting that thing on the snake. That night, she throws a wadded up paper into the ocean that says “If you ever loved him, help me.”

Jude and the Bomb have a sweet convo and Jude goes to try to help the Roach, who is still poisoned. When Jude sees him, she’s horrified to find that he’s not just sleeping, he’s having like… nightmares. She tries to heal him, but the earth magic won’t come. The Ghost, who is part of the gang again (yay!) tells her not to force it, just let it come. AND IT DOES! The roach is back and confesses his love to the Bomb and it’s fucking adorable.

Jude takes the bridle to that old hag lady that once tried to trick Cardan into marrying her daughter. Now she’s good I guess haha. The hag tells her that if she followed the instructions Lord Nell or whatever his name is gave her, and tied her hair around the bridle, then she would have been bound to the snake as well. Basically, it was a trick that would have trapped both Jude and snake Cardan into servitude. Thank god she found this out.

Jude also visits Heather in the library who is researching snake-themed faerie tales looking for a clue. Heather tells her that she struck a deal with Vivi that when they go back to the human world, her memories will be erased. But Vivi will have to meet her again and win back her love. But do it properly this time and be honest about the faerie shit from the get-go. And if Heather falls in love with her despite that, she’ll get all her memories back. That’s super freaking sweet I love them.

There’s like a banquet before the snake bridling.

And Jude is doing her best to be a badass queen and make speeches, but she’s so nervous. She gets through it though. Her and Nicasia have this super sweet moment (after Kaye, Roiben’s lady punches her) where Nicasia is like “I know you’re a bloodthirsty monster who is only using Cardan for his power, but please save him. I beg of you.”

And Jude actually CRIES with her and says “Tell me the riddle I must solve. Tell me what to slay. What to sacrifice. And it’s done. I’ll do anything to free him. I promise you.” And they just stand there, two enemies, crying together and realizing how much they love this poor cursed snake boi.

Taryn and Vivi find a chest with some badass silver armor made for a woman, so Jude wears that to the big “snake bridling event” that is happening out in the woods somewhere.

The snake is out. Doing it’s thing. Turning the land to shit. The armies are gathered on either side, and everyone is watching Jude and waiting to see what happens. Will she bridle the snake or will she be eaten? It’s growing bigger too, so by now, it could swallow a car.

Jude has some internal monologue… where she actually wonders if bridling him is the right thing to do. She has no idea how to break the curse. This way, Cardan wouldn’t have to die. He’d be trapped as a poisonous snake forever, but at least he’d be by her side. But she also remembers what Cardan said before he got cursed. That no one should be forced to swear their love or allegiance. That’s the kind of thing you should decide for yourself. And she remembers that Cardan said something along the lines of “I was on my way to becoming Balekin. Becoming a monster. If I ever go down that path again, I want it to be you that ends me.” — SO SHE CUTS OFF THE SNAKE’S HEAD.

HE DEAD. There is blood EVERYWHERE.

And the second she does this, fighting breaks out. It’s just a bloodbath all around while Jude is in shock. Maddock’s army gets defeated because Nicasia shows up with the sea. But instead of trying to kill Jude, Maddock comes to help her up.

He tells her “You’ve already won. Look.” And turns her around to the snake where a bright golden light has emerged. And out of it steps naked-ass Cardan covered in blood and looking regal as hell.

“Only when his blood is shed will a great ruler emerge”

BOOM. He calls for the fighting to end and Jude runs and hugs him. They hang on to each other and it’s so sweet. THE BEST REUNION.

Someone literally is like “Welcome back, King! Here, you want this cloak?”

And Cardan goes “Nah. I haven’t worn clothes in days.”

And literally rides buck ass naked in the carriage, covered in blood. HAH. Like. Yeah nudity is a thing in Faerie world but alrighty. Here we go. Cardan is back and he’s not messing around.

Everybody gets a bath. The general mood is SO HAPPY and celebratory. There’s a big ole banquet where Cardan and Jude slip away to the pretty glowing mushroom room behind the throne (which he fixed with his magic and split into 2 chairs). They finally have a moment alone, and Jude blurts out “I love you.”

He’s like “You don’t have to say that out of pity.” — which breaks my heart. That he STILL thinks she hates him so much that she seriously never will love him. And he’s CONTENT with just being with her even if it’s just for power.

But Jude launches into this awesome, fumbling speech about how she liked him ever since they went out together during the revelrie, and he helped her learn about each court and how to win them over. She says being around him is fun. And walks through their whole history together to help him understand that despite her being a cold, unfeeling monster, she loves him to pieces.

And they kiss. And it’s fucking adorable.

Jude also asks him what it was like being a snake and he says it was hella weird. He definitely had an animal brain. And was filled with fear and strife and a feral instinct to kill indiscriminately. But he says, he knew Jude. That’s why he was calm when she came and sat with him. He always knew her. (Awww!!!)

The next day they have a formal coronation. Apparently 2 people have never ruled together. It’s always a king or queen who has a bunch of consorts. But they get the ceremony where the court gets asked if they accept their king and queen, and everyone says yes because Cardan is awesome and Jude is scary. But they like scary. Then they get to give out BOONS to all of the people that were loyal or traitorous.

Grima Mog gets to keep the earth-shattering sword and continue to be general. Taryn gets cleared of all charges even though she totally fucking murdered her husband. The ice princess with the bridle scars gets freed and her parents get put in her custody. And she gives a creepy shark-toothed grin that makes Jude think maybe her parents were keeping her in chains for a reason. But that’s their problem!

Maddock gets brought in and Jude sentences him to live in the mortal world for the rest of his days, and to forget the name he knows (she’s talking about the Ghost’s name). I like that her and Maddock totally come to this agreement. He’s like “Yeah, okay I lost. You’re absolutely a badass. I hate losing but I’m also pretty proud”. I think he was really sad when he thought he killed her. So this is a better punishment than getting executed for sure. Oriana decides to go with him and Oak is excited because he loves the mortal world and now his parents are going to live there too. YAY!

I love how this book ends. It ends with Jude and Cardan flying home with Vivi and Oak to the real world. And they find Cardan some normal clothes (a tshirt over his black pants) and they have a cute little party at Vivi’s apartment.

Heather is there and puts up a sign that is like “Congrats Newlyweds!” And says “Vivi has told me some wild things about ya’ll!” Jude just hugs her. They also got them a cake with little gummy snakes sprinkled on it. And Oak takes them to pick up pizza.

Heather also got everyone paper crowns, and there’s this cute part where Cardan tilts his paper crown at an angle, like he used to wear the Blood Crown and it makes Jude laugh. The book ends with them toasting to a new future, and pizza, and friends, and Cardan says “To scheming great schemes.”

I love that this is where we leave them. In casual real world clothes wearing paper crowns and eating gummy snakes.

Boy, I loved this book. I love the world building. I love the slow burn romance. The sexy times. I love that Holly Black makes me like and cheer for this cold hard bitch Jude. I love that Cardan, who at one time was SO NOT LIKEABLE it was CRAZY became one of my favorite characters in fiction.

I loved when that heel turn happened, when he was a prisoner of the spies, and was so cute and charming. We all fell in love with him at the same time Jude did.

Then we spent 2 books watching Jude be a complete idiot and be the last one in the world to realize how much he loved her. And how much she loved him. She loved him more than power, which was her single solitary goal this whole time.

This mortal girl overtook a bunch of magical immortals and it was completely believable and fun and baffling. Damn I can see why Holly Black is so highly regarded. That was SO GOOD. I am going to need a few days to digest this.

I just keep thinking of them all happy and celebrating together over pizza and paper crowns. EEEEE!!!

Deadass Rating: 9.5/10

[mmvalentine]

Okokok i know these are so lame but i dont careeee because i put so much effort into these fics and i like it when they get read. So here are the top 5 from this year again :)

#5 Spaghetti (extended edition) | Feysand

A fluffy, smutty 4-parter based on an ask prompt for a single parent AU. Plot twist: Az and Cas are 5 year old twins lol.

#4 I Do Love it When You Beg | Jurdan

One shot canon complaint Jurdan smut where they attend a meeting and not everything is above board. Or... above table.

#3 Espionage | Feysand

One shot canon divergent Feysand smut where Feyre is undercover in the Spring Court and they go to visit the CON. *Secret fucking* ensues.

#2 Lover Like Me | Feysand

Chapter modern AU Feysand about the whole gang, it's a bit sweet and a bit kinky and it is my longest fic EVER and part 1 is #2 HELL YEAH. I am so happy you guys liked this one because I really put my whole little heart in it. Here's all the chapters if you haven't read: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

#1 Stay | Jurdan

One shot canon divergent Jurdan AU based on an ask prompt about Jude finding the letters Cardan sent her after TWK. Honestly yes!!! I am so not mad about a Jurdan fic taking the top slot because I love them SO MUCH and this was a joy to write because simp!Cardan is best Cardan 😍😍😍

Thank you all for another wonderful year of smut and friendship, I hope everyone gets some restful time off and isn't drive to murder any of their family members. Lovelovelovelovelove ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[kayechanted]

1am rambling

with tfota im a weird mix of i love jurdan to death vs cardan was genuinely way too big of a bully for it to simply be explained away by 'he was abused by his brother and neglected by his parents'

yeah on one side i also aknowledge that more than it being the trope of 'the guy is only mean because he had an abusive childhood and doesn't know how to express his feelings so he hurts the girl he crushes on' it's also that faeries seem to be incessantly cruel especially the nobles and like yeah cardan is responsible for his actions but at the same time he simply hasn't seen anybody Be Nice. does that make sense? like he hasn't seen anyone be better other than his sister Rhyia who introduced him to mortal literature and his whole life - not only was he neglected he was also Encouraged to be awful to everyone so, yeah, theres that?

that's the only way he ever recieved any attention so that's what he did. but i feel like i'm just coming up with excuses for an intially awful guy's awful behavior and maybe that just wasn't emphasized enough....enough in TFOTA anyways. modern faerie tales series on the other hand really dives deep into just how awful faeries can be because roiben's past my GOD

still, i mean...I dunno, he just doesn't get enough repurcussions for his treatment of jude it's 1am like i can't think of elaborating on this rn but yeah . and as for jude that's my girl i love her i love her messed up side but simultaneously she isn't messed up enough i want to see her being MORE unreasonable and petty to faeries because she deserves it with the hell faerie put her through

anyway jurdan isn't perfect but they're fun because of the way cardan gets bought down to his knees towards the end literally and metaphorically like his letters to jude are so desperate and down bad and that's the only side of him i want to see really

[thecruelprincexxx]

do you guys ever just wonder about Cardan’s mother’s reaction to his letters…? Like bestie your son is in love and missing his wife and you’re burning his letters…show some emotion…

[wanderingpages]

I hope I don’t offend you by asking this, but can you do a fanfic where during Jude’s banishment Vivi decides their going to a club and makes Jude wear a revealing outfit. She leaves Jude alone and Some guy drugs Jude and attempts to have his way with her but Cardan who came to go get her sees what’s happening and rescues her? And also punishes the mortal who tried to hurt his wife?

Trigger Warnings: Non-consensual drug intake, assault attempt

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

While it never gets that far in this fic, every notion or every action that may lead up to sexual assault can still be traumatic to experience, every one deals with it differently as well, but if possible, please reach out to someone for help.

∞

Dear Jude, who will always be my wife, despite it all – I understand. This will be it. Always, Cardan.

Jude is nursing the second cup of watered-down rum; mostly cola in the ratio and probably actually water, too. She’s not too well off on money to actually order top shelf liquor if she had really wanted to. She’s also not well versed in the use of glamour, nor would she attain the actual necessities for mortals to even attempt it either – so no leafy bills would help her, not like they help her sister.

She can’t stop staring down the glass of her dark drink, can’t look away from the murky liquid all cold and fizzy and numbing the tips of her fingers, can’t stop her gaze because she isn’t really paying attention. Vivienne had roped her girlfriend, Heather, into babysitting Oak for the night, just so she could take Jude out of the cramped apartment. Her actions were sincere, of course, maybe at the time, but not even half an hour in and Jude has lost all of her eldest sister’s attention. What started as a way to ensure Jude would finally be able to let go and forget about all things Elfhame, even if just for a little while, very quickly became the Vivienne Show as they entered the dimly lit pub.  

Vivienne is good for making new friends, tricks and mirth to ensure a grand time, but Jude had managed to slip away, feigning a desperate desire to drink something that should be stronger than she can really handle. Maybe, if she hadn’t gotten that letter, that thick papyrus folded neatly and sealed with red wax, maybe if she hadn’t seen the Greenbriar insignia pressed in deeply, maybe if she hadn’t recognized the handwriting in just her name alone… maybe then Jude could have let go and give into the lifestyle her sister seems to value so much.

“Despite it all,” she scoffs quietly to herself. What had that meant? Because she’s exiled, would Cardan still claim her even when he hadn’t the moment it counted the most? She wants to be angry at it all, but the short letter reads as a final attempt – which seems impossible, given this is the first letter she’s received from her husband. Her mind isn’t dazed enough for her to feign ignorance however, even if its inwardly and solely to herself, but she’s aware the castle houses traitors in their midst; she’s aware any number of things could happen for letters to be intercepted. But, this one somehow made it through, made it to her. Part of her wonders then, how many more letters there had been, but an even bigger part of her worries, suddenly, that Cardan might be in danger.

She lets out a soft groan because of course, she’d fear his well-being when it seems like he hadn’t cared for hers at all.

With a sigh, she leaves her spot and heads to the bathroom, hoping to clear her head with cold water to the face. The grimy mirror above the sink looks frostbitten rather than smoggy. Still, she can see how tired her eyes look, even though it seems that all she’s been doing is sleeping lately. She dabs lightly around her eyes, mindful all too late that the makeup around her eyes are not at all waterproof. She manages to fix enough of it, and then she ruffles the waves in her hair and adjusts the bust of her dress – short, black and the ruched material is very fitted. The sleeves are long and off the shoulder, looking more like long gloves rather than actually being attached to the dress. There’s a small bow in the front that’s come undone and Jude fixates on that for a moment, retying it then double-knotting it as if it has any means to hold anything.  The white sneakers were something new to her, but her sister claims it’s what’s the current fashion trend at the moment, and well, Jude doesn’t mind them much. She undoes the laces there, redoing the much like the bow on her dress, killing time for no reason but to manage a small escape.

Finally, she straightens her spine and stares hard past the murk before her. “Don’t think about it,” She wills herself. Her eyes narrow, shown in her reflection and she points at the mirror, “One night. Just let go for one night and then you can try to save your stupid king in the morning.” She gives herself a nod, straightening out the golden hoops in her ears, then the ruby ring on her finger.  “Despite it all, my ass.”

Jude opens the door and heads back to her drink, faking all the confidence in the world at the moment with her head held high. No doubt Cardan has had his bed warmed every night since she’s been in exile. She can do what she wants for just tonight, too, right?

That’s why she doesn’t really think twice about downing the rest of her drink and smiling warmly at the bartender, her sister who waves at her from her spot among a group of people at the other end of the bar, the person beside her and maybe mostly to herself, hoping it doesn’t look as fake as it feels.

“You come here often?” Jude nearly snorts at the line, after she’s been startled by the voice.

She’s watched enough semi-awful television to know corny attempts at this point. “You can do much better than that,” she tells him, turning to face him. Had he been sitting beside her all night?

The man grins at her, and Jude feels the sudden race of her heart. Is this fear, or attraction? He isn’t bad looking, really. He waves the bartender down and Jude tilts her head, studying him. He’s quite attractive, almost pretty. “You’re right. I just…there’s something about you. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been watching you since you arrived. You looked so sad before, worried, even. You’re putting on such a bright smile for me now, and it makes you look so beautiful,” his voice is so smooth it sends shivers down her arms. How had Jude not noticed him before? Granted, she had been stuck inside her own head up until just a few seconds ago, but still, when had she stopped being so utterly aware fo her surroundings? “But I know,” he continues, “You’re still uneasy about something.”

“Am I that obvious?” he smiles politely at her, handing her the drink the bartender had just put down, then tips his own glass to hers. His bright eyes watch her over his rim as she hesitantly sips the sweet and bitter drink.

“I can help you forget,” he offers her.

Jude blinks, leaning back just a bit, creating space between them. Her cheeks heat red and she tenses just the slightest, “Oh…no, I’m okay. I’m here with someone,” she tells him, racking her brain for excuses, but why is the haze from earlier growing thicker by the second? Had the drink she’d previously downed been more potent than she realized? Her heart beats hard in her ears, she can feel it seem to vibrate her entire body.

The man shrugs, eyes following Jude’s elbow going to rest against the bar. Jude tries to focus on something –  the television showing a sport she’s not heard of before, the conversation going on behind her, the song playing, the people by the dart board. Everything seems a hundred times more loud than it had been moments ago. It starts to hurt her head. She leans her head on her palm, eyes meeting that stranger’s again. His smile is off, or maybe it always had been. She feels uneasy. Had he said something? He looks like he’s waiting for a response but Jude can’t think of any.

Blood rushes her ears, her eyes sting as she shuts them tight. For the briefest moment, she feels like she’s been here before, in this state of mind, this awful feeling, lacking control. She murmurs something, maybe nonsensical, her words coming from a memory rather than the moment. Her heart races, and her stomach knots.

“Stunning,” he tells her. She’s trying to focus on him, then behind him. She knows that now, a drop of blood wouldn’t be able to dispel her lack of sobriety as it had dispelled the effects of the faerie fruit she had once tasted. Her vision waivers slightly now, and the man is telling her something she can’t really make out. She squints at her sister who looks like she’s abruptly stood up at the arrival of the newest member of their group.

“I can give you whatever you’d like,” the man says softly, like he’s talking to a child. Jude straightens her arm out, fingers dangling as she rests her cheek on the cool surface of the bar.

“No, you can’t,” she whispers with a self-deprecating grin. She forces her eyes open, staring hard at her sister. Why can’t she make out faces all of a sudden? Vivienne’s demeanor seems off, though, like she’s arguing with someone.

The man places a cool finger against her cheek, tracing her jawline delicately. Jude shakes her head, trying to nudge him away, but her movements feel heavy. “Despite it all,” she mumbles to herself with a laugh, batting the stranger’s hand away. “Silly,” she sighs out.

“Do you want to get some fresh air?”

Jude makes a noise of noncommittal, “fresh air?” The stranger helps her up and Jude lets the man hold most of her weight. This is a bad idea, maybe, or maybe it’s the atmosphere in the bar that’s the problem. Perhaps the cool night would clear her head. “I just wanted to forget,” Jude murmurs. “Gonna… save him… tomorrow.”

“Yeah? Shouldn’t someone try to save you first?” She can’t be sure if she’s heard this right.

“Wait,” she slurs, flailing a hand out to catch the brick wall as they make it outside. “I have to tell…” She groans, resting her head on the side of the building. The streetlights look too bright and in motion for some reason. Jude closes her eyes, breathing deeply, letting her brain catch up for a moment. This was no faerie fruit affecting her, of course, but neither was this the result of alcohol. Alarms seem to blare in her head and she struggles to find the hem of her dress with one hand, feeling for her skin. “Bad man,” she murmurs, to the stranger.

“Hush now,” he grabs hold of her shoulder and Jude struggles to push him away. Why had she drank from the cup she left unattended? Panic rises at the awful things that could result. Where had her training gone in all of this?

“No,” she cries out, but it comes out hushed. “Please,” she begs. “Let go.”

The man opens his mouth to respond, but the voice that speaks does not at all belong to him. “I’d do as she says, if I were you.” Jude blinks, startled. His words are so cold, but why does she feel so warm hearing them.

“I’m just trying to get my girlfriend home, it seems she’s had enough,” still, he lets go of her, hands held up, placating.

Jude shakes her head, stumbling back, “No,” she slumps against the wall. “Liar…liar…” she manages to get her fingers where she had been trying to before.

“Jude!” another voice rings out, sharp in the night air. It’s her sister. She’s frantic, grabbing at Jude’s hand and pulling her away from the building, away from the man. “Oh god, Jude,” Vivienne calls out, “Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Vivienne’s chatter rings monotonous in Jude’s ears, because all Jude can focus on is her fingers, so heavy to maneuver. Nimbly, she reveals the dagger strapped to her thigh. “Oh,” Vivienne breathes.

“Cardan,” Jude sighs out, resting her head on her sister’s shoulder. The man in question doesn’t glance back at her, but he holds a palm out wordlessly. Jude slowly pulls at the dagger from its spot but Vivienne bats her hand away and slips the knife out, hastily handing it over to Cardan.

“Get her out of here,” Cardan orders.

“Whoa, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” The man sounds angry. “I can have you arrested for assault,” he lies.

“Vivienne,” Cardan grits, impatient, ignoring the spew of words from that stranger – words so threatening, so angry, so full of shit.

“Okay,” She whispers, “Okay, okay.” She brushes the hair out Jude’s face, giving her a clear view of the two silhouettes, one backing the other into the alleyway. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“Cardan,” Jude mumbles out. “Wait…” Vivienne lets out a startled gasp the moment Jude’s eyes shut. Her lids are too heavy to reopen, and her mouth is too laxed for her to try to tell her sister that she’s fine.

When Jude opens her eyes, it’s bright. The sunlight makes her squint, but then she sees him, and she startles, shooting upright in bed, hand coming to her chest as if it would stop the beating heart from falling, her other hand coming to her head, as if that would stop the room from spinning. “You -” her voice sounds hoarse to her ears, mouth feels like sandpaper.

“Don’t speak, yet,” Cardan is beside her in an instant, handing her a bottle of water he opens in front of her. She watched the motion, confused but grateful. “Slowly,” he tells her.

“You’re here,” Jude says, discarding the empty bottle on the nightstand. “You’re…you have…there’s blood on you,” she exclaims, belatedly, eyes roaming over frantically, searching for wounds.

“Not mine,” he tells her, eyes, measuring her reaction. He reaches into his pocket and produces a small dagger. “Not mine, either,” he says too lightly for situation, Jude thinks.

Delicately, Jude reaches for the handle, trying but failing to understand. “How…?” But he’s quiet, and in the end, he doesn’t really have to tell her. It’s distorted, but she puts the pieces together, mostly. Her lips tilt downward, feeling just the slightest bit ashamed. She leans back and shuffles, placing the knife on the bedside table.

“I’m sorry, Jude.”

Her brows furrow but she doesn’t ask what he’s sorry for. “Where’s Vivi?”

“She only just fell asleep. We watched you all night,” he admits, running a hand through his hair. He looks about as awful as Jude feels. Worried and anxious, weary and angry. Not at her, though and she itches to reach for him, to wipe the worry away from his features. I’m here, she wants to say, I’m fine, she wants to lie.

The room is quiet for a beat, then, “Cardan, will you lie with me. Please,” she tags on meekly.

He watches her with worry, but then nods at the look in her eyes. He settles beside her in the small twin-sized bed, absently fixing the collar of the shirt Vivienne must have changed her into, brushing off a speck of dust as if finding a way to touch her without really touching her. She grabs his hand, holding them between both of hers. He watches her fingers, apprehensive about the tremor there. “How are you here? Your letter said that would be it.”

“You got them?” he sounds absent, eyes darting from their hands to her face, the letters clearly something far from his mind.

“Just the one.” If he’s aware she’s avoiding the events of last night, she’s glad that he’s letting her.

He twists his hand until they interlock with one of hers, all too aware of the ring pressing into his skin. “I meant…” he tugs at her fingers lightly and she shuffles closer, eyes meeting the dark ones that have already been watching her. “I meant, it would be the last letter.” Jude places her free hand against his abdomen and buries her face into his chest. In the next moment, an arm has wrapped around her body, pulling her closer to his. “Heather told me where you two were.” He kisses her forehead before resting his chin atop her head. “Vivi tried to have me leave, but after finding you were missing...” he trails off and Jude can guess that he left the bar in a fury, her sister not far behind. She can’t imagine what it had looked like on their end. Did he think she had wanted that?

Her stomach sinks. Uncontrollably, tears prick at her eyes. “I shouldn’t have...” she clears her throat, voice thick now. “I...the dress. Maybe, I shouldn’t have worn - and the drink, I should have - I... I just...”

“Jude,” Cardan breathes, “Oh Jude. It’s not your fault, okay?” he pulls her closer, wrapping both his arms around her now, engulfing her as she tries to hold back the sobs that escape.

She turns to press her ear against his skin, counting the unsteady heartbeats as hers attempt to settle. Her mind whirs; she wants to ask about the blood, about the vitality of that man, but she’s not sure she really wants the answer, not sure she wants to know if that not only has she made Cardan a king but also a murderer. She also wants to ask so many things – about the letters, her exile, what it means that he’s here with her, but... “We have a lot to talk about,” Cardan finally says, gaging the turmoil.

“But not now,” Jude confirms. She’s tired. “I would just like you to hold me, please.” She grips the material of his shirt, and her lips press against his skin for a moment.

“Okay,” he whispers into her hair,  “Alright, Jude. I’m here.”

∞

Resources.

[anonniemousefics]

Can we please get more tfota scenes from cardan's pov? Maybe something from qon this time 🙈

Happy New Year! ♥️🥂

It’s so great you guys are enjoying these Cardan POV pieces! This one sort of follows His Monstrous Bride and this other little continuation -- it’s taken from Chapter 18 of The Queen of Nothing when Jude and Cardan talk about her exile before meeting with the Living Council. 

I don’t have a title for it -- let’s just call it His Monstrous Bride Part II. lol

(Also a shameless plug for my ongoing fic The Nine Terrifying Moons, which will feature a Cardan POV chapter coming soon. Wheeeee!)

-----------------------------------------------

Cardan is well versed at hiding his emotions, but it doesn’t hurt to look the part. And the day that his High Queen is finally awakening, once again restored to Elfhame, is a day to dress for a very specific kind of battle. Jude has ignored him for months – now he must be unignorable. He has gold along his cheekbones and caps like gold knives at the tips of his ears. Jude likes knives after all.

He’s flanked by his guards at her door. (Their door? He’s unused to sharing.) The Living Council means to interrupt her convalescence, and he’ll have none of it. He’s there to make sure she is fit and ready, and he doesn’t have to do more than that, he tells himself. His envoy is at his sides at all times now, and still, in this moment, some part of him wishes there were more of them. Wishes he could shrink back from what may lie ahead.

“Your Highness?” His guards are waiting for him to do something. He hadn’t realized how long he’d been hesitating.

It’s just… it’s been months of endless rejection, though he knows now she never received his letters, but still…he’s not sure he can take one more. And his heart is still cracked and raw from her most recent brush with death.

He steels himself. And knocks at the door.

It’s Oak who answers with an innocent smile, which is something of a relief. With Oak around, Jude’s less likely to become stabby.

Although, at least if she’s stabbing him, she’s no longer ignoring him. And Cardan really can’t stand one more minute of being ignored by Jude Duarte.

She’s there now, and the sight of her standing catches him right in the chest. The last time he’d clapped eyes on her, she was bleeding all over his spider-silk sheets. He’d cleaned her blood with his own two hands, but now she’s upright and clear-eyed, dressed in a foreboding black number with silver at her collar and cuffs. Her auburn hair has been braided like a crown, and with smoky traces of rose around her eyes, she looks deadly and formidable once more.

It’s such a welcome sight. He has never been so thrilled to see her. And that’s such a treacherous and terrifying notion, since he thinks it’s very likely she’s might smack him in the near future if he can’t navigate the mess of crossed wires between them.

The thrill lasts only a moment, because then his stomach gives a lurch. He’s just realized that all of her sisters are there, too. And they’re all staring at him. And he’s been staring right back.

Suddenly, Cardan’s on the verge of breaking into a cold sweat.

“Walk with me,” he finally tells Jude, eager to get away from so many Duarte eyes.

“Of course.” Jude’s brown eyes in particular seem uncharacteristically wide and confused.

Vivienne catches Jude’s hand before she can join him.

“You’re not well enough,” she objects. As if Cardan can’t take care of her. As if he hadn’t cleaned up her blood himself.

“The Living Council is eager to speak with her,” he says instead. Jude should be proud of how he’s learned to curb his tongue in her absence.

“The only danger anyone has ever been in at a Council meeting is of being bored to death,” Jude is reassuring her family, before stepping away, the guards folding in around them.

Cardan offers her his arm – he wants to keep her close, and he wants Vivienne to take note. It is different now, and he wants them all to see. Jude is cared for here.

He wants to take his time with her at his arm as they swap neutral business about the Roach, about the Bomb, about Madoc, but he can hardly even look at her. His head is full of visions of those nights he wrote to her again and again, outright begging in the end, and then lying awake, alone, certain his agony would be never-ending. Gods above, he’d even written once that his heart was hers, buried with her in the soil of the mortal world -- and she’d sent no reply. And though he knows now it’s because she hadn’t even received it, he’s still completely unsure of how to act.

It’s extremely unsettling how normal Jude seems in this moment. As if no time has passed at all.

And there are still so many eyes on them. Courtiers bobbing their heads as they pass. The guards just an arm’s length away. This is no place to try to sort through what he had written to her, what she needed to know. So maybe he just won’t, he thinks. Maybe it can just be like this for an eternity and he can go back to drinking away his feelings after this Council meeting. Maybe this is the most he should hope for.

But then, Jude says: “I need to talk to you.”

And his heart plummets to his guts. He’s not sure he can keep the dread off his face.

“It won’t take long,” Jude says, which is maybe worse. It means it’s simple: she wants to end their marriage. She wants to return to the mortal world. Of course she does.

But then, she says: “Whatever your scheme is, whatever you are planning to hold over me, you might as well tell me now, before we’re in front of the whole Council. Make your threats. Do your worst.”  

What? What the bleeding skies is she talking about? This is such a mess he’s made. And it is, perhaps, the first mess he’s ever truly cared to clean up.

Cardan turns them away toward a corridor to the outdoors.

“Yes,” he agrees. “We do need to talk.”

He steers them for the royal rose garden, where he knows the guards will stop at the gate and leave them alone. He has only a few steps down a path of shimmering quartz stairs among the roses to decide exactly what parts of his heart he’s willing to reveal today. What exactly won’t hurt so terribly much should she throw it all back in his face.

“I assume you weren’t actually trying to shoot me,” he says, choosing first the obvious and easiest. “Since the note was in your handwriting.”

“Madoc sent the Ghost--” Jude starts, but then stops. Softens. “I thought that there was going to be an attempt on your life.”

This does not mean that she cares for you, he has to remind himself. He still doesn’t want to look at her. The memory of perceived rejection is still too strong, still too bitter.

But he’s not going to live with the regrets he’d drowned in when she’d nearly died. He tries to choose his next words carefully.

“It was terrifying,” he admits, feigning interest in a nearby bush of jet black roses, “watching you fall. I mean, you’re generally terrifying, but I am unused to fearing for you.” He swallows back the memories, threatening the periphery of his mind. “And then I was furious. I am not sure I have ever been that angry before.”  

“Mortals are fragile,” Jude shrugs him off. She doesn’t get it.

“Not you,” he sighs. “You never break.”

There. Can that be enough? He’s made it fairly obvious now, hasn’t he? Surely she gets it now – he doesn’t want her to die, he doesn’t want to see her hurt. Witnessing it was the worst thing he’s ever seen. Because he cares for her.

If he has to spell it out, it might kill him. So, he just waits for what she has to say to that.

Jude’s looking at the roses, too, when he glances at her, her thick lashes lowered.

“When I came here, pretending to be Taryn, you said you’d sent me messages,” she says, and oh, please, gods, not this. “You seemed surprised I hadn’t gotten any. What was in them?”

Cardan wants to vomit. No, he needs to vomit. If his nervous stomach would cooperate and vomit everywhere, he could still get away from this with a shred of dignity.

He clasps his hands behind his back so she can’t see how they shake, his smile telling the lies that the rest of him can’t. That he is cool and unaffected, not at all hopelessly in love with the mortal girl in front of him.

“Pleading, mostly.” He tries to say it like it’s a joke. “Beseeching you to come back. Several indiscreet promises.” Maybe that little bit of tantalizing will flatter her.

It doesn’t. Actually, he’s not sure Jude can be flattered. She closes her eyes shut in no small amount of frustration.

“Stop playing games,” she growls. “You sent me into exile.”

“Yes. That.” Right, of course she doesn’t love that he’s beating around the bush. If only he could help it. He’s so goddamn nervous. “I can’t stop thinking about what you said to me, before Madoc took you. About it being a trick. You meant marrying you, making you queen, sending you to the mortal world, all of it, didn’t you?”

The glare she throws him is so very Jude, though he loves it less when it’s directed at him.

“Of course it was a trick,” she seethes. “Wasn’t that what you said in return?”

Well, this is rich.

“But that’s what you do. You trick people.” Though Cardan’s starting to realize just how wrong he’s been about the things Jude enjoys. “I thought you’d admire me a little for it, that I could trick you. I thought you’d be angry, of course, but not quite like this.”

“What?” Jude looks like she could unhinge her jaw and swallow him whole. He might even deserve it.

He needs to put an end to this nightmare. There’s still a miniscule chance she’ll find some part of it amusing.

“Let me remind you that I didn’t know you’d murdered my brother, the ambassador to the Undersea, until that very morning,” he points out. Surely, the context will help his case. “My plans were made in haste. And perhaps I was a little annoyed. I thought it would pacify Queen Orlagh, at least until all promises were finalized in the treaty. By the time you guessed the answer, the negotiations would be over.”

But Jude’s face is unchanged. He isn’t seriously this good at trickery, is he?

“Think of it,” he presses, hoping she’ll follow along. “I exile Jude Duarte to the mortal world. Until and unless she is pardoned by the crown.” Any minute now. Any minute.

“Pardoned by the crown,” he repeats to her blank stare. Right, so, this game isn’t funny anymore.

“Meaning by the King of Faerie. Or its queen,” he explains, watching her eyes grow wider, wilder. “You could have returned anytime you wanted.”

When he’d first envisioned her figuring out the riddle, he’d expected probably a punch in the arm, maybe she would have even drawn her blade again. That would have been delightful. He’d thought about trembling beneath her again, about that searing look she got in her eye just before devouring his lips. That would have been – gods. He might have considered letting her murder more of his brothers to have that again.

But what is happening now is decidedly the opposite. Jude’s breath is quickening, her face flushing, and in the air between them, Cardan feels a rift cracking wider. He hasn’t played a trick – he’s done something horrible.

When Jude begins to back away from him, he thinks back to what it felt like to find Nicasia with Locke. What Jude’s face is doing now – that is what his heart had done then. She is recoiling from him. Jude Duarte is recoiling from him, because he has hurt her.

He honestly had not thought it was possible. He honestly had not thought himself capable. He honestly had not thought she cared enough.

She whirls then and marches away from him, and he has never hated himself more. Stop her, he thinks, but he’s still stunned. If he’d known she cared…

Stop her!

He runs after her. She has to know he wouldn’t have done it if he’d known. She has to know he will fight to keep her now that he knows. But when he seizes her arm, she hauls around and slaps him, hard enough to turn his face.

It’s not the worst hit he’s taken, not by a long shot, but its sting is entirely different. There’s something fiery in her eyes, and, for the first time, he’s aware that he is not the only one who has been in agony these long months. Oh, he would undo it all now if he could. He would pull her in and kiss her over and over until they both stopped hurting.

Except she still looks murderous. Getting close to her face is probably not a good idea if he doesn’t want to be bitten. (He does kind of want to be bitten, just…in a very different scenario.)

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says, carefully, and his hand finds hers. To his great surprise, she lets their fingers lace together, and his heart seizes with a wild hope. It does not mean she loves you, he thinks. He fumbles. “No, it’s not that, not exactly. I didn’t think I could hurt you. And I never thought you would be afraid of me.”

“And did you like it?” Jude asks, narrowing her eyes.

His cheek is hot from the slap of her hand, and now with shame. Because how is he supposed to answer that? He didn’t hate being more powerful for once. He didn’t hate being the one with the answer to the riddle.

“Well, I was hurt.” He’s hesitated too long, and now Jude’s pressing on. “And yes, you scare me.”

Cardan finds himself taking in her full face then, the one that has always seemed so defiant and fearless and headstrong.

“You’ve always scared me,” Jude is saying, and this is what almost undoes him. She repeats it, telling him again and again each moment she had been afraid of him, and with each one, his mind bursts a little more. This doesn’t seem real. “And I am scared of you now,” she concludes, that defiant gleam in her eye til the end.

Cardan is speechless. And Cardan’s never speechless.

There was a time when he enjoyed playing a villain in her heroic story line, but she wasn’t supposed to be truly afraid of him. She was supposed to vanquish him and make him beg for her kindness. (And he would now. He really would.)

(Maybe he will.)

“You despised me,” Jude reminds him, because he does need reminding. He’s not sure now if he ever really did. “When you said you wanted me, it felt like the world had turned upside down. But sending me into exile, that made sense. That was an entirely right-side-up Cardan move. And I hated myself for not seeing it coming. And I hate myself for not seeing what you’re going to do to me next.”

At that, Cardan closes his eyes. Hopelessness is threatening to overtake him. Fear has created this monster before him, the one who irrevocably holds his heart. Is it possible to unmake such a curse? He’s certainly been unable to find a cure for his own fear, lifelong coward that he is.

When she’d first returned and his heart was freshly cracked, he’d thought back to a fairy story about a boy cursed with a heart of stone and the monster he took as his bride. It had been patience and fearlessness that had won over the monster in the end – something the boy had managed only because of his stony heart.

So, Cardan thinks of stones then. Of pulling together all his cracked and raw edges. Of being impenetrable and solid and fearless. He thinks of doing what needs to be done. He needs her, for so many things, and she must know that. Perhaps it is folly to wish for anything more than simply averting a crisis.

But he can’t manage it if he’s looking at her. He releases her hand and turns away.

“I can see why you thought what you did,” he says at last. “I suppose I am not an easy person to trust. And maybe I ought not to be trusted, but let me say this: I trust you.”

Patience. Fearlessness. Deep breath.

“You may recall that I did not want to be High King. And that you did not consult me before plopping this crown on my head. You may further recollect that Balekin didn’t want me to keep the title and that the Living Council never took a real shine to me.

“There was a prophecy given when I was born. Usually Baphen is uselessly vague, but in this case, he made it clear that should I rule, I would make a very poor king.” It hurts more than he thought it would to say it out loud. “The destruction of the crown, the ruination of the throne – a lot of dramatic language.”

He has to be cavalier about it; it stings too much otherwise. It’s been the bane of his existence, this prophecy. It is the reason his entire childhood was filled with nothing but dismissal and cruelty. It’s the very, very low standard he’s spent his whole life trying not to meet. The best his family had ever hoped for from him was his complete and utter disappearance – and he’d failed to do even that.

He turns back to Jude. Patience. Fearlessness. He has so much more to say. He has so much more he wants to be than this. Deep breath.

“When you forced me into working for the Court of Shadows, I never thought of the things I could do – frightening people, charming people – as talents, no less ones that might be valuable. But you did. You showed me how to use them to be useful. I never minded being a minor villain, but it’s possible I might have grown into something else, a High King as monstrous as Dain. And if I did – if I fulfilled that prophecy, I ought to be stopped. And I believe that you would stop me.”

Jude sputters at that, blinking hard.

“Stop you?” she echoes. “Sure. If you’re a huge jerk and a threat to Elfhame, I’ll pop your head right off.”

“Good.” And he means it. To die by Jude’s hand would be a dream. “That’s one reason I didn’t want to believe you’d joined up with Madoc. The other is that I want you here by my side,” and just for good measure, just in case she still isn’t getting it: “As my queen.”

But he can’t read the expression on Jude’s face when he says it – if it brings her joy, if it brings her more distress. He’s not sure what else he could have said to make it any more clear. And now her silence is threatening to eat him alive. This reeks of the beginnings of yet another rejection.

He smiles at her, instinctively, a last ditch effort to make this even slightly less awkward.

“But now that you’re High Queen and back in charge, I won’t be doing anything of consequence anyway,” he promises. “If I destroy the crown and ruin the throne, it will only be through neglect.”

He wants her to smile back. To roll her eyes at him and act like she isn’t amused when she so clearly is. He’s missed that, oh, how he’s missed that.

He gets all that and more when she blurts out a laugh.

“So that’s your excuse for not doing any of the work?” She quirks an eyebrow, and it makes his heart swell. They’re smiling together again. He’d needed that, too, more than he’d realized. “You must be draped in decadence at all times because if you aren’t kept busy, you might fulfill some half-baked prophecy.”

“Exactly,” he says. Exactly… It’s more true than he wants it to be. His smile fades. And Jude is looking more tired than he’s comfortable with. He hopes he has not pushed her too hard. He touches her arm, gently, not thinking. Her gaze catches his, soft and warm. He finds himself leaning in…

“Would you like me to inform the Council that you will see them another time?” he asks. “It will be a novelty to have me make your excuses.”

But Jude is stalwart and determined as ever. He expected nothing less.

He pulls back. She does not need him. Not like he needs her.

“No, I’m ready,” she says.

How he wishes he could say the same.

-----------

Tagging: @yellowavocadopit, @dagypsygirl, @ireallyshouldsleeprn, @booklover-sleeplover, @mwejh, @courtofjurdan, @faeriequeenofwest, @sugawsites, @loveyourselfsolid, @owl0y0s, @feelinglikecleopatra, @akaloto, @charrise, @persephxnecoven, @raging-bisexual-alert, @rteme, @nahthanks, @addies-invisible-life, @elorcanislife, @snusbandxknifewife, @poeticbrownmermaid, @duarteegreenbriar, @thefolkofthefic, @alittledribbledrabble, @carmensworld17, @annejulianneh111, @amandlas, @elriel4life, @idk-what-name-to-use, @thewickedkings, @juliazato, @woodsbeyond1, @booksmusicandgoodvibes, 

[destiniesfic]

132 Hours, Chapter 14

“Does this mean we’re free to go?”

“I… don’t know.”

Previous

Read chapter 14 on AO3 or read below:

Cardan and I pass the water bottle back and forth until it’s empty, without speaking. When he reaches over and sets it down on the floor beside the mattress, I know what he’s thinking. I’m thinking it too, but I don’t want to voice it aloud, because that would mean moving and doing, and neither of us want to do that. I want to stay tangled up in the admittedly horrible blankets, my side pressed against Cardan’s, while I catch my breath and take stock of myself. I feel drained and thirsty, but strangely loose, like someone’s stretched me out with a taffy machine. Like the kid in Willy Wonka.

But I am also sore, in ways I did not expect and in places that I did not expect either. Thighs, yes, of course. But my core? If I clench my abs it hurts. And inside, too, I feel a little scraped raw, and I wonder how I’m supposed to bang out a whole heat without tearing something if this is how I am after just a few hours. The first time is supposed to be a little worse, though. A little more awkward. Maybe the next one will be better. Then I realize I am making plans for the future.

I stop looking at the unfinished basement ceiling and look at Cardan instead. We have come uncoupled from our final round, so he is next to me, not flush against my back or chest like he had been. The light plays on his tousled hair and his cheekbones and very full—even more full now that they are swollen—lips. He’s always looked like a statue carved by a sexually frustrated hand, and this is probably the most obscene I’ve ever seen him, but there’s something at peace and almost angelic about him right now. I don’t know whether to be bothered by it or not. I look at the ceiling again, tracing a line of tubing with my eyes.

“They haven’t come to check on us in a while,” I say at last.

“Yeah,” Cardan agrees, but he doesn’t move to do anything about it.

“We should figure out what’s going on.”

“Well, we were very loud.” He grins. “They probably didn’t want to interrupt.”

His smile is infectious, but my own fades quickly. I glance at him, then beyond him to the door. “It’s been like twelve hours. I think we need to check.”

“You think I need to check.”

I roll my eyes. “Yes, Alpha.”

“Oh, no,” he groans, bringing a hand to cover his face. A blush is creeping into his cheeks. “Don’t do that.”

“It’s the only time you’re going to hear it.” Very lightly, I kick his shin. By now he knows if I meant it to hurt him, I’d just hurt him. “Go on.”

Cardan groans again, then rolls to the side of the mattress, rummaging for his clothes. I am disappointed when he stands and pulls his jeans back on, but, since his back is turned to me, I take a second to admire the way they sit on his hips. He actually has a nice ass, and it feels weirdly refreshing to allow myself to think it without judgment. A lot of guys don’t. I can see the scars criss-crossing his back now, and there are fewer of them than I thought, and more faded. I am relieved for a second—fewer scars have to be a good thing, right?—until I remember that there are plenty of other ways to beat Cardan without leaving permanent marks and feel a flush of anger.

“You okay?” he asks, pulling a white shirt I haven’t seen before over his head. “You’re all over the place.”

I bristle. He’s referring to the thing both of us are avoiding. I can sense him too now, the same looseness I feel in my body, the relief, and the same spiky undercurrent of nervousness. It has to do with scent, to how we’re now much more attuned to the chemicals the other person gives off. I should have known better than to open myself up to something like that.

Before I can open my mouth to dismiss his claim, Cardan twists around to look at me. The t-shirt he’s wearing says “I went to the Hamptons, and all I got was this T-shirt!” in big, kitschy blue lettering, and I nearly choke on my own laughter.

He pulls the shirt out, frowning as he reads the lettering. “I mean, is it that bad? Gauche is kind of in, right?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I know. You like it.” Cardan crosses the room and knocks on the door. “Hello,” he calls. “It’s safe. We’re done now.”

There is no response. I sit up, wincing when my abs protest. They’re usually pretty prompt.

Cardan’s frown deepens. He knocks harder. “Hey!”

“Do you hear anything?”

“No.” He slams the flat of his hand against the door. “But they can’t have just—”

I feel the panic rising in him as it rises in me. Would they leave us shut up in here? Cardan and I had both started to like our captors, especially as they helped us through the ordeal that was my heat; it was easy to forget that they were career criminals, not paid to be kind. If they or their employer had no more use for us, would they leave us locked in here to die?

“Try the knob,” I suggest.

Cardan puts his hand on the doorknob, rattles the handle, and looks dumbstruck when the door springs open. “What the…”

I scoot to the end of the mattress closest to the door and peer outside. I see no one. The chairs at the folding table are empty. “They left?” I ask, incredulous. “They just left?”

Cardan rubs the back of his neck. “Were we that loud?” Off my derisive look, he adds, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Does this mean we’re free to go?”

“I… don’t know.” Wrapping one of the sheets around myself, I stand too. “We probably shouldn’t waste the opportunity.”

“Right,” he says, still dazed.

“Shower first,” I add.

He swings his head around to look at me. “They could come back. You sure you want to waste time on getting clean?”

“We didn’t stay alive all this time just so Madoc could kill you if he smells you on me.”

Cardan goes pale. “That is a very good point.”

I start gathering up my clothes—sweatshirt, shorts, tank top, discarded bra—while he goes to start the water. My ankle hurts less now, although it still twinges if I put too much pressure on it; three days off of it have helped it heal, apparently. I’ve never been great at giving myself recovery time, but maybe there’s something to be said for taking breaks.

When I limp to the bathroom, Cardan has already stripped down again and is washing off in the shower. He left the door open, so nothing is hidden. I nearly drop the clothes I am carrying, and scold myself. It’s not like I haven’t seen him before. It’s not like he wasn’t just inside of me.

But seeing him now, in the light, his skin glistening from shower spray, rubbing himself down with soap, is a completely different experience. I shake myself all over, remembering that he can sense me now and determined that he not know the extent of what I feel, because what I feel has so many dimensions—lust, longing, genuine affection—that I am a little scared of it. I drop my blanket and my clothes in a heap against the wall and join him under the water.

He both is and isn’t surprised when I step into the shower. I know he can sense me without looking, just like I’d know what direction to walk to get to him if we were dropped miles apart. It’s that thing we’re not talking about, that neither of us will name. Naming it will make it real. So instead of saying anything, Cardan picks up the bottle of lavender shampoo, squeezes a little into his palms, and begins massaging it into my hair.

I work very hard not to moan, but I do brace my hands against his chest. I allow myself that luxury. A splotch of color catches my attention, and I slide one hand up and gently press my fingers against the bite mark on his neck. “Did I do that?”

Cardan smirks, continuing to massage my scalp. “Yeah.”

“Huh.” I trace it with my fingers. “Are you mad?”

He pauses, and I have to force down a surge of panic. “I wish you’d asked,” he says at last.

My face burns. “I got carried away.”

“If you’d asked, I would have said yes.”

I look up. His mouth is curved with a sly little smile. My heart thuds.

“This is going to surprise you, but I haven’t gotten to make a lot of choices, historically. Not important ones.” He resumes lathering my hair. I have a lot of it. “I would have chosen you. I wish you’d let me.”

“Well, I—” My tongue feels thick and heavy in my mouth. “I’ll remember that for next time.”

He snickers. “Yeah.”

I step back to rinse out my hair. He watches me, not bothering to disguise it when his eyes trace over my body. Nothing’s going to happen. We’re both worn out. But, here and now, I don’t mind being looked at. My body, for all its myriad imperfections, got me through these last harrowing days, from escape attempt to the end of my heat and everything in between. He can like it. Maybe I can like it, too.

I stand on my toes to kiss him, and he wraps his arms around me, kissing me back as the water washes the last few days away, leaving behind the cloaking scent of lavender. When my hair is clean, I pick up the shampoo bottle and squirt some more into my hands. I hold my palms out to Cardan, who bends his head to me. And I help him get clean, too.

---

“You’re walking a little funny there,” Cardan says, later.

I glare at him over my shoulder. He is dressed, clean, his hair still dripping from the shower—and grinning like a cheshire cat. “I still have a bad ankle. So what?”

“No.” He circles his arms around my waist and pulls me into him, so my back comes to rest against his bare chest. I take a deep breath. His skin is still so warm. Nuzzling the side of my head, he says, sounding a little awed, “I did that.”

“And? Do you want a medal? Come on, we have to—” He starts kissing my neck, and I am briefly torn between rolling my eyes and pushing him back into our cell and onto the terrible mattress. In the end, I do neither. I close my eyes and let my head fall back against his shoulder. “Cardan.”

“I know.” He buries his head in the juncture of my shoulder and neck. He seems to like it there. “I know I know I know. Just a minute. Here.”

He takes my hands and pulls me across the basement, sitting in the empty chair that would normally belong to the Roach and positioning me so I stand in front of him. To my surprise, the next thing he does is wrap his arms around my waist again and bury his face in my stomach.

“Let’s not go up,” he says, his words slightly muffled by my tank top. “Let’s live in this basement.”

I rest my hand on the back of his head. “We can’t do that.”

“Maybe we can. The Roach was teaching me some stuff. Maybe we can get by stealing snacks from convenience stores and just be bandits forever. Basement bandits.”

I stroke my thumb through the short hairs at the nape of his neck. “I have college.”

“You can commute.”

“Oh, sure.” I place both my hands on his shoulders and give him a little push. “C’mon.”

He doesn’t budge. “It sucks out there, you know,” he says. “It really sucks. And it doesn’t make sense, I know it makes no sense, but I think this is the best thing that could have happened to me.”

“Aside from all of the parts of it that were terrible,” I point out.

“Yeah,” he agrees quietly. “Aside from that.”

“That was most of it, you know. I feel like the last few hours are really coloring your perception…” I trail off. “You don’t want to go home,” I realize aloud. “That’s what this is.”

Cardan’s shoulders tense. “Forget it.”

“Hey—”

He releases me and stands up. “You’re right. We should go.”

“Cardan.”

It seems like he is already halfway up the basement steps. Stupid long legs. I jog after him as best I can, catching up to him just after he pushes the door open. And then he is just standing there, taking in the ruined—or unfinished—house. I forgot that he hadn’t seen it before. With the sunlight streaming through the rafters, it is a pretty striking sight.

I find myself blinking. Has the sunlight always been this bright? I shield my eyes with my hand.

“What is this?” Cardan asks quietly.

“The Ghost said it was being built for somebody’s mistress,” I reply, even though that doesn’t really answer his question. “He said it was never finished.”

His frown is back. “But who—”

Then he stops, straightening, and I hear what he hears: the screeching sirens, then the unmistakable sound of roaring engines and car tires flattening the grass outside. We glance at each other and, unified in purpose, race to the front of the house.

We burst out the door to find four police cars, an ambulance, and two unmarked black cars swarming the house, tires screeching as they brake. The black cars race up the side of the field and come to a halt. The driver of the first one barely waits for the car to truly stop before he emerges, moving with surprising agility. His shoulders are broad, and even the adrenaline of the situation isn’t enough to suppress his slight limp.

Cardan is clutching my hand, or I am clutching his. “It’s Madoc,” I whisper. “Madoc is here.”

But Cardan is staring too, because the person who emerges from the second car is another familiar figure. This one has his cheekbones, his dark curly hair. “My brother,” he says, sounding surprised.

I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing—that Balekin is here, that Balekin bothered—but I give his hand a squeeze and let it go, knowing one of us needs to do something, make this almost normal. I start across the field, intercepting Madoc a few yards from the house. His face is a storm of emotions and they are all unreadable to me.

“I,” I begin, but then he pulls me, one-armed, against his shoulder, and into a hug.

Madoc is, as a rule, not very affectionate. He loves us, although there has always been something terrifying about being loved by him, but he hasn’t hugged us since we were children. But he is hugging me, right now. His hand presses against the back of my head, like he is afraid that I will be taken again if he lets me go.

“Dad,” I whisper, and I let myself lean into him. My shoulders shake, and I tell myself I will not cry, I won’t. I am done with crying.

“Jude,” Madoc says. “I thought I’d lost you.”

My heart strains at its seams. Maybe I will cry.

But then I feel a prickle of awareness and pick my head up to look over at Cardan. The police are busy securing the perimeter, so Balekin has gotten to him first, and is talking to him in a low voice. He has his hand on Cardan’s shoulder. It might be friendly, brotherly. But tension in his Cardan’s posture makes me think it is not.

“Wait, just a second.” I make myself pull back from Madoc, then walk over to where Cardan is standing.

Balekin takes a step back. There is a smile on his face, which could be kindly, but has too sharp an edge for that. “Jude Duarte,” he says, by way of greeting. “I understand I have you to thank for my brother’s safety?”

I bristle, because I know he must see this as a mark of Cardan’s lack of worth. Protected by an omega. It takes a lot of self-restraint not to grab Cardan’s hand again. “We looked out for each other. He saved my a—me, too.”

“Hmm.” Balekin’s eyes narrow.

“Can someone tell us what’s really going on?” Cardan asks. I feel his discomfort like it’s mine. “What the hell happened? How did you find us? How are you here?”

“Your phones and wallets were turned in at the police precinct,” says Madoc, coming up to join us. “Along with GPS coordinates leading to this address.”

Cardan and I look at each other. “Well, I won’t have to get my driver’s license replaced,” he jokes. “Good. Hate the DMV.”

“But who did this?” I ask. “Who was behind it?” I look at Balekin before I can really stop myself.

He raises an eyebrow, but he says, “Our brother, Dain.”

“He confessed?” Cardan asks, disbelieving.

“In a way.”

“He’s no longer a concern,” Madoc says with a finality that indicates no further questioning will be entertained.

Cardan and I look at each other. “But—” Cardan begins, just as I say, “Why?”

“The details don’t matter,” Balekin says. “Cardan—”

“We should let the paramedics examine them,” Madoc interjects. “Jude’s wounded.”

“It’s really a scratch,” I protest.

“Great!” exclaims Cardan, walking past me and toward the ambulance. Balekin looks frustrated, but lets him go and stalks back to his own car, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. I move to follow Cardan until Madoc lays a hand on my shoulder.

“Jude,” he says, in a low voice. “That boy.”

I notice the furrow of his brow, the slight flare of his nostrils, and wish the earth would swallow me up. “It’s all right,” I say, avoiding his searching gaze. “It isn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything I didn’t ask for. We were trapped together for a long time.”

“I didn’t think you were friends,” he says. There is a slowness to his words that suggests he’s choosing them carefully. Or maybe he’s judging me.

“I’m not sure what we are.”

“It’s very clear what you are.”

“Dad,” I whisper, scandalized.

His face softens. “We’ll figure it out. If you say he helped you, then I will take you at your word.” He releases me. “Go get looked at.”

To escape the conversation, I am more than happy to oblige.

Next

[traeumenvonbuechern]

June Wrap-Up

1. Can't Take That Away (Steven Salvatore)

Carey Parker dreams of being a diva, and bringing the house down with song. But despite their talent, emotional scars from an incident with a homophobic classmate and their grandmother's spiraling dementia make it harder and harder for Carey to find their voice. Then Carey meets Cris, a singer/guitarist who makes Carey feel seen for the first time in their life. With the rush of a promising new romantic relationship, Carey finds the confidence to audition for the role of Elphaba, the Wicked Witch of the West, in the school musical, setting off a chain reaction of prejudice by Carey's tormentor and others in the school. It's up to Carey, Cris, and their friends to defend their rights--and they refuse to be silenced.

2. Sanditon (Jane Austen)

Written in the last months of Austen's life, Sanditon features a glorious cast of hypochondriacs and speculators in a newly established seaside resort, and shows the author contemplating a changing society with scepticism and amusement. It tells the story of Charlotte Heywood, who is transported by a chance accident from her rural hometown to Sanditon, where she is exposed to the intrigues and dalliances of a small town determined to reinvent itself - and encounters the intriguingly handsome Sidney Parker.

3. The Witch King (H.E. Edgmon)

Wyatt would give anything to forget where he came from—but a kingdom demands its king. In Asalin, fae rule and witches like Wyatt Croft…don’t. Wyatt’s betrothal to his best friend, fae prince Emyr North, was supposed to change that. But when Wyatt lost control of his magic one devastating night, he fled to the human world. Now a coldly distant Emyr has hunted him down. Despite transgender Wyatt’s newfound identity and troubling past, Emyr has no intention of dissolving their engagement. In fact, he claims they must marry now or risk losing the throne. Jaded, Wyatt strikes a deal with the enemy, hoping to escape Asalin forever. But as he gets to know Emyr, Wyatt realizes the boy he once loved may still exist. And as the witches face worsening conditions, he must decide once and for all what’s more important—his people or his freedom.

4. One Last Stop (Casey McQuiston)

For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures. But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train. Jane. Dazzling, charming, mysterious, impossible Jane. Jane with her rough edges and swoopy hair and soft smile, showing up in a leather jacket to save August’s day when she needed it most. August’s subway crush becomes the best part of her day, but pretty soon, she discovers there’s one big problem: Jane doesn’t just look like an old school punk rocker. She’s literally displaced in time from the 1970s, and August is going to have to use everything she tried to leave in her own past to help her. Maybe it’s time to start believing in some things, after all.

5. Between Perfect and Real (Ray Stoeve)

Dean Foster knows he’s a trans guy. He’s watched enough YouTube videos and done enough questioning to be sure. But everyone at his high school thinks he’s a lesbian—including his girlfriend Zoe, and his theater director, who just cast him as a “nontraditional” Romeo. He wonders if maybe it would be easier to wait until college to come out. But as he plays Romeo every day in rehearsals, Dean realizes he wants everyone to see him as he really is now––not just on the stage, but everywhere in his life. Dean knows what he needs to do. Can playing a role help Dean be his true self?

6. The Cruel Prince (Holly Black)

Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King. To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences. As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

7. Boy Queen (George Lester)

Robin Cooper’s life is falling apart. While his friends prepare to head off to university, Robin is looking at a pile of rejection letters from drama schools up and down the country, and facing a future without the people he loves the most. Everything seems like it’s ending, and Robin is scrabbling to find his feet. Unsure about what to do next and whether he has the talent to follow his dreams, he and his best friends go and drown their sorrows at a local drag show, where Robin realises there might be a different, more sequinned path for him . . . With a mother who won't stop talking, a boyfriend who won't acknowledge him and a best friend who is dying to cover him in glitter make up, there's only one thing for Robin to do: bring it to the runway.

8. Felix Ever After (Kacen Callender)

Felix Love has never been in love—and, yes, he’s painfully aware of the irony. He desperately wants to know what it’s like and why it seems so easy for everyone but him to find someone. What’s worse is that, even though he is proud of his identity, Felix also secretly fears that he’s one marginalization too many—Black, queer, and transgender—to ever get his own happily-ever-after. When an anonymous student begins sending him transphobic messages—after publicly posting Felix’s deadname alongside images of him before he transitioned—Felix comes up with a plan for revenge. What he didn’t count on: his catfish scenario landing him in a quasi–love triangle.... But as he navigates his complicated feelings, Felix begins a journey of questioning and self-discovery that helps redefine his most important relationship: how he feels about himself.

9. Wuthering Heights (Emily Brontë)

Lockwood, the new tenant of Thrushcross Grange on the bleak Yorkshire moors, is forced to seek shelter one night at Wuthering Heights, the home of his landlord. There he discovers the history of the tempestuous events that took place years before: of the intense passion between the foundling Heathcliff and Catherine Earnshaw, and her betrayal of him. As Heathcliff's bitterness and vengeance is visited upon the next generation, their innocent heirs must struggle to escape the legacy of the past.

10. Ace of Spades (Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé)

Welcome to Niveus Private Academy, where money paves the hallways, and the students are never less than perfect. Until now. Because anonymous texter, Aces, is bringing two students' dark secrets to light. Talented musician Devon buries himself in rehearsals, but he can't escape the spotlight when his private photos go public. Head girl Chiamaka isn't afraid to get what she wants, but soon everyone will know the price she has paid for power. Someone is out to get them both. Someone who holds all the aces. And they're planning much more than a high-school game...

11. The Queer Principles of Kit Webb (Cat Sebastian)

Kit Webb has left his stand-and-deliver days behind him. But dreary days at his coffee shop have begun to make him pine for the heady rush of thievery. When a handsome yet arrogant aristocrat storms into his shop, Kit quickly realizes he may be unable to deny whatever this highborn man desires. In order to save himself and a beloved friend, Percy, Lord Holland must go against every gentlemanly behavior he holds dear to gain what he needs most: a book that once belonged to his mother, a book his father never lets out of his sight and could be Percy’s savior. More comfortable in silk-filled ballrooms than coffee shops frequented by criminals, his attempts to hire the roughly hewn highwayman, formerly known as Gladhand Jack, proves equal parts frustrating and electrifying. Kit refuses to participate in the robbery but agrees to teach Percy how to do the deed. Percy knows he has little choice but to submit and as the lessons in thievery begin, he discovers thievery isn’t the only crime he’s desperate to commit with Kit. But when their careful plan goes dangerously wrong and shocking revelations threaten to tear them apart, can these stolen hearts withstand the impediments in their path?

12. Weekend Girl (Alex Powell)

Ashley Kingston is a genderfluid university student with a major crush on attractive and charming Nolan. He seems just too perfect to be true. What happens when Ash meets Nolan while dressed as both a man, and a woman? And even more confusing, what happens when Nolan seems enamoured of both versions of Ash? A twisty-turny romance filled with fun and shenanigans.

[fattazzcat]

TFOTA Short Review (More like Rant so if you don't agree with my opinion then that is completely understandable ❤)

ACTUALLY, IT’S A RANT SO TURN BACK AROUND BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE THE SERIES 

INTENSE RANT REVIEW

I just want to say that this book series is...uncanny and idiosyncratic in both good and bad ways.

The book series was fine with its cool looking fae because I was tired of seeing those white/tan broody, cishet and pointy-eared people (Cardan is that but I'm just going to let his tail be the exception)

The worldbuilding is fine, the plot is fine, the plottwist was a really quick turn, the pacing is fine but the trope with the love interest is not fine. The damaged, abusive, bad boy Cardan Greenbriar gets on my nerves because I didn't like the way the fandom just excuses his bad actions towards Jude (since the first book) because of his dark history.

And I don't care what letters Cardan wanted to let her read but didn't. Cardan just didn't have enough book time to work with an emotional connection with Jude except just pure...lust. I apologize but that's how it just looks like, and besides them being enemies seemed like those elementary bullies we once had but way worse and I don't like to just excuse someone's inhumane behavior because of their abused past.

Jude Duarte is written well.

But Cardan not being in the books would've been way better because no offense but Holly Black made him look like a teen who has severe mommy issues and just takes out on this physically violent girl. The dagger scene in book one did nothing to me because the way they are enemies and the way they are attracted to one another is just weird and messed up. But of course, it's still enemies to lovers because hey! They tell each other they hate each other, he tells her that she's hideous and that hey! They want to kill each other for no valid reason! 😐

This book series is not for everyone but I just hope that this kind of book series won't repeat because I'm this 👌close to burning the Cruel Princes series I have when someone says they are goals because their romance turns into violence.

Like he humiliated Jude for a decade, constantly demeans her with insults, just stands and watches while his friends try to harm her and abuse her, shoves her, slaps her, pulls her hair, and threatens her but hey! "He's a prince and he's hot and had a dramatic past so let's just ignore that uwu 😚"

Jude says so many times that he hates him but this bitch will surely break down once he tells her that he finds her attractive. And that makes sense since he has mommy and daddy issues and this girl is just touch-deprived to the bone.

Then Cardan tells her that he hates her because he can't stop thinking about her and that disgusts him. In my POV that seems like a man that finds his attraction to her disgusting then becomes the love interest. I just hope that this romanticization of relationships from men whose so-called "love" is joined by cruelty, humiliation, and hate will end after 2021 and until the Universe dies. And in my POV of Taryn justifying his actions by saying that faeries love differently than mortals and that their love is a test blah blah blah blah shut up 😐

The worse than he treats the main character the more she's enthralled by him but of course, this behavior is overlooked because of his swagger, good looks, and the fact that lusts after her. Like Jude doesn't care about whatever horrible things or actions he does towards her but as long as he finds her attractive and handsome she has complete power over her.

Their relationship throughout the series is just abusive in my POV because cruelty does not equal secret affection. Like this is the kind of boy that our mothers told us that if he pulls our hair it means that they like us and when we grow up we find out that behavior is fucking immature.

Seriously guys? But it's fine because we'll never know what it's like to have someone loathe you before now tell you that they love you even when their actions don't match up with what they say. Sounds like an abusive relationship eh? But it's alright since he's hot and he's the love interest right?

Wrong, so feel free to continue making fan arts and fanfics because I'll just keep my opinions with because everyone seems to like it and I'll probably get death threats and countless 14-year-old stans explaining to me why their love team is the epitome of YA.

Jude deserves so much better because she is so ambitious and so brave she deserved to be courted by a man that is kind, loving, compassionate, supportrtive and one thing that Cardan lacks which is MATURITY.

Anyways I apologize for promising that this will be a short rant review so I'll stop now. But I hope you get it 💛 Because I'm sick of overhyped books romanticizing things that aren't love. After all, if a man hurts you intentionally, that is not love. Abuse and love cannot coexist. Jude and Cardan just follows the cycle of abuse and I hope I'm not being delusional to be the only one who doesn't like the book series and should just dissipate like the Mortal Instruments. But if you like the book series that's good and I respect your likes babe! Like if you're a stan and you're reading this I have no grudge towards you and ily 💜

Anyways buona giornata 💛💛💛

[thewickedkings]

Tell Me What You’re Thinking

jurdan7 said:                                                                

- “I don’t deserve you. I never did.”~~~ jurdan pls💕from the angsty prompts dialogue for the 600 follower celebration! Congrats luv!!! I can’t wait to see what you come up with💖

Thank you so much for the prompt!! I had a lot of fun writing this, especially for my first time writing in the canon-verse. Title is based off a random song called Misery by Michigander that came on my recommended and I kept replaying while I wrote this. I just have to say though... this is very, very angsty. Read at your own risk.

Jude rubs her eyes, picking up her pen to respond to another of the many inquiries piled up on her desk. She knows she should go to bed, but she finds herself purposefully delaying herself yet again.

In the few months that have passed since her official coronation, she has found that she almost prefers being the seneschal, where she didn’t have to hide behind the guise of formality. Being Queen comes with many responsibilities, from coordinating diplomatic relations and hosting formal banquets. But recently, there is one responsibility that is weighing her down the most, that is keeping her hiding behind stacks of paperwork avoiding her problems.

After two more letters, Jude stacks them neatly in a pile to go over with Cardan later and resigns herself to return to her room. It is late in Faerie; sunlight streams through the windows, and most Fae would already be in bed.

She silently pushes open the door to their shared chambers. The room is dark, drapes covering the windows, except for a single lantern burning softly on the side table. She slips off her gown and changes into her night clothes and turns to their bed, expecting Cardan to be fast asleep. Instead, she finds him sitting up with a book in his lap, shirtless and with his dark curls mussed, as if he’s been running his hands through them. Even in the dim light, she can see the exhaustion lining his face, the shadows lingering beneath his eyes.

“Ah, so my wife finally decides to join me.”

Her heart sinks. She responds with a forced smile, and slides beneath the sheets, turning her back to Cardan. She knows he’s going to ask her questions she won’t know how to answer. She still doesn’t know how to do this, how to talk to him, tell him what’s on her mind. She knows she should, but fear gnaws in her chest at the thought.

He grasps her arm gently, turning her around to face him. He scoots down in the bed until he’s lying next to her. His eyes scan over her face in the faint light, brows furrowed, trying to puzzle her out. She shuts her eyes against the concern in his gaze, willing herself to keep her expression neutral. To blot out the whispers that had been making their way through castle and worming their way through her thoughts, making her second guess this wondrous thing between them. “Where are you right now?” he murmurs softly.

It’s too intimate, the way he’s looking at her, laying on his side in the faint candlelight. Despite their progress over the last few months, she still finds her armor flaring up. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Cardan sits up, and she falters at the coldness in his expression. “No, you’re not.”

“What?”

He grits his teeth. “You’ve been distant. You’re not talking to me.”

“Cardan, that’s not-“

He cuts her off. “Don’t tell me I’m making this up. Your visits to the mortal world are getting longer and longer and you’re shutting me out. You wait until after I’m asleep to come to bed. You don’t-” He clenches his fists. “You don’t smile at me like you used to. I feel you going away.”

Jude knows him well enough to see that his cold exterior is covering a deep hurt. And yet she cannot tell him the truth. She cannot tell him about what she’s heard, the people wondering whether if there will be an heir, and most of all, wondering if the King would settle for a half-mortal heir. “I’m not shutting you out.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

She hugs her arms around herself, and Cardan’s voice softens. “You can tell me what is bothering you. I will be here with you, no matter the case.”

She sits up, avoiding his gaze. “Nothing’s wrong.”

He stiffens. “No matter what you may think, I am not stupid, Jude.”

Guilt hits her like a tidal wave. She’s hurting him, but she doesn’t know how to fix this. She tries to think, but her thoughts are muddled. “I don’t think you’re stupid. You know that.”

“Right now, I feel as though I am.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “Cardan, I can’t do this right now.”

She immediately feels his anger. “Then when, Jude? Tell me. You can’t keep avoiding this, avoiding me, forever.”

Panic fills her body, and she knows if she doesn’t leave right now, this will get worse. She stands up from the bed and walks towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Cardan’s voice is hard.

“I’m going to visit Oak and Vivi.”

Cardan gets up and moves to block the door, his voice betraying an edge of panic. “You can’t leave like this.”

“What is it Jude?” When she avoids his gaze, he pauses. “Is it really so bad you’re going to leave? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything Cardan.” She knows he won’t give up, so she lies. “I just- I need a break from all this.” She gestures her hand in the air.

Cardan rears back as if she struck him. When he responds, his voice is brittle, edged in steel. “A break. I see.”

Crap, she’s ruining this. She leans towards him. “Cardan-”

“If you need to go, then don’t let me stop you.”

“Cardan, wait.”

He steps back from her. “No, you’re right.” He laughs humorlessly. “I don’t deserve you. I never did. And I know that, Jude. I know you could walk away from me right this second and there would be nothing I could do about it.”

He pauses. “My biggest fear, Jude, is that I will wake up and you will be gone again, that you will realize how much better you can do than me. And it would tear my heart out of my chest. But if you need a break from this, from me,” he spits out, “I won’t stop you.”

Jude’s heart is bleeding, bleeding for the pain she’s causing him. Her words are stuck in her throat. She stumbles towards him, but he pulls away, again.

“Cardan, no,” she chokes out. “I was going to come back. I want to be here. With you.”

“Then tell me,” he says, not a demand but a plea. “Tell me what is wrong.”

She swallows, looking at the floor. “I can’t.”

He pulls away from her, eyes going vacant. “Then go. Leave.”

“What?” she whispers.

He turns his back on her, as if he can’t stand to look at her any longer. “Take your break. Come back if you’re ready to tell me the truth.”

Later, when Vivi opens the door to her apartment to see Jude, eyes rimmed with red and a small bag slung over her shoulder, she sighs and steps back, letting her in.

~~~

Part Two is now posted here :)

I mean... I did warn you? *inserts evil laugh* I’ll go hide now.

Also, I have a lot of people tagged for Between the Two of Us but I don’t know if you guys will want to be tagged for my other writing. I’ll probably make a separate tag list for my other writing, so if you want to be added, let me know!